#no specific captain america but some interpretation

[myfandomrealitea]

You're allowed to feel sad, disappointed or lose some interest in a character because its no longer played by a specific actor or character.

(Obviously not talking about blatant racism here. Derail this and I'll scream.)

But I mean like. I see people shitting all over anyone who is losing interest in The Witcher because Henry Cavill is no longer Geralt, but at the same time actors will all have very unique ways of portraying the same character, and its perfectly fine to not feel the same way about how a different actor portrays or visualises the same character.

If you prefer the story and portrayal of Steve Rogers' Captain America over Sam Wilson's Captain America, that's fine! They're two completely different stories under the same mantle. You can absolutely respect the story and message of Sam Wilson's Captain America while still preferring the one Steve Rogers' Captain America told.

If you're in love with the way Henry Cavill depicts Geralt, you're not a bad person who holding onto that and choosing not to devalue Liam Hemsworth's interpretation by forcing yourself to consume media you no longer have a vested interest in.

Spider-Man is another prime example. While the core values and details of the Spider-Men stay the same, the specific stories and characters of each Spider-Man are supposed to be different. They're supposed to fit the narrative being told and the larger framework of the universe they are set in.

So many people hated on Tom Holland's Spider-Man because he wasn't the 'OG gutter rat broke bitch' but like. For one, we do actually see those aspects in the story still (Peter taking dumped items off the sidewalk, his small room, stressing about money and replacing things, ect) and for another, he's meant to be different because Spider-Man with The Avengers is different to Spider-Man alone.

Its meant to be a different depiction of the same character.

Its fine not to like one or to prefer the other but it doesn't make it bad media or a bad thing either way.

[positivelybeastly]

What's your take on bendis interpretation of beast?

To put it bluntly, I think it sucks.

And because it's me, we gotta overanalyse, SO HERE WE GO.

For starters, Bendis is just a very . . . limited, writer, in general. If you search his name on almost any comic book related forum that he's done an associated run for, you will invariably find a lot of people talking about some fairly massive characterisation slip, or some intense continuity fumble, or a run that started strong and ended badly.

Superman, the Guardians of the Galaxy, to say nothing of individual characters who have suffered under his pen like X-23, Jon Kent, or Wanda Maximoff - the man just isn't good at writing characters that aren't his own. This may be why his run on Alias is so strong, that's his character, she's acting within the boundaries he set, that's completely fine. But other characters?

If you want to see a more professional level takedown of especially his dialogue, have a look at this. It's a fairly damning examination of the tropes that drive his writing, but try the quiz at the end of the page and see how many of the characters you can identify by dialogue alone. You will be shocked at some of the ridiculously huge deviations from a character's established voice he's responsible for.

But we want to get specific, so let's get specific, shall we?

So, in order to establish why Bendis' characterisation of Beast is out of whack, we gotta establish what Beast was like beforehand. In the past 10 years before 2013, what's he been up to?

Well, Hank's well into his secondary mutation storyline at this point, struggling with a new, more animalistic form that comes with a strong bloodlust, one less finger, new senses, new drives, and a strong sense of body dysphoria/dysmorphia that I, personally, quite identified with. Hank's neuroses are still fairly strong on this, but he is getting better, in no small part thanks to . . .

Abigail Brand. Hank's partner (I don't like to use the term girlfriend or love interest for Abigail because they honestly feel a little beneath her), they have an intense, occasionally combative chemistry, but they love each other to the point where Abigail tells Magneto in dialogue that she wants Hank's children at some point, and Hank has a near nervous breakdown when she's temporarily killed in Si Spurrier's X-Men Legacy.

Struggles with ethical and moral quandaries related to mutantkind's survival, as well as the use of lethal force in superheroics. Between the Ghost Box laser strike, the Secret Avengers nuclear bomb, the Endangered Species experiments, and the Secret Invasion Legacy Virus bioweapon, Hank has been involved in quite a lot of ethically dubious things - by his standards, anyway. By the standards of Cyclops or Captain America, Hank literally hasn't done anything wrong, but Hank holds himself to a different moral standard. This is especially important.

A tenuous relationship with the X-Men, to the point where he's only come back to the Jean Grey School to spite Cyclops during Schism/Regenesis. Prior to this, he had left the team, and multiple members were downright hostile to him on first seeing him again afterwards.

So, we start off All-New X-Men #1, and what's up?

Hank is dying because his body has randomly started to mutate.

. . . Why?

Iunno, just is.

The more I think about it, the less sense this really makes, because literally every other time that Hank has mutated, there has been an insanely specific reason why. He ingested MGH, he was experimented on, Infectica/Pestilence touched him, Sage jumpstarted his mutation, etc - but here, it just sort of. Happened? And this really bothers me, because Hank's mutation is really important to his character arc. His relationship to his body and his outward appearance and how he experiences the world on a tactile, emotional level is one of the building blocks of the character.

But because feline Beast isn't drawn consistently, and people are nostalgic for 90s simian Beast, we're getting a new form just 'cause. I feel like a fairly massive rule in writing is that things never happen just because, and yet, this whole thing is happening just because.

It's also killing him. Now, this opens up a really interesting can of worms that I don't think Bendis really thought through, because this is actually a tragic, on-brand thing to happen to Hank - he hates his mutation so much, and now it's literally trying to kill him. He also fairly obviously does not trust the other X-Men to be able to help him (which is proven correct by the narrative) and is in a helpless, depressed enough state of mind that he accepts he's going to die.

I feel like Bendis didn't realise what he'd done here? He's set up Hank as this isolated character (which he is) who doesn't feel like he can trust the X-Men to help him (he can't) and who is in a depressive enough place in his life that he doesn't drop his normal workload to do anything more worthwhile with what may be his final days on Earth. He just keeps trudging on, lugging around heavy equipment to the X-Jet, coming when called, telling his friends he's fine. He's given up on fixing what's wrong.

Fellas, do we call this attempted suicide? Iunno, maybe we do?

And it's in this state of mind that Hank hears Bobby say, man, if only Scott could see himself in the past, he'd hate present Scott.

Now, I don't really accept the conceit that Hank hates Scott enough to blow open the timestream in a fit of pique. I straight up don't think it's his style, he's not been established to have the capability, Hank can occasionally be reckless but mostly with his own life, not other people's. Especially not when we have all of these exchanges to consider. But fine, Hank's in an altered state of mind, he's dying, he's panicking, he's not thinking clearly.

Bendis will promptly forget all of these facts and pretend that this is some grand plan Hank had, and no-one ever even addresses that Hank was about to die. The X-Men are all very happy he's alive again when his younger self fixes him, and no-one ever asks, so hey why didn't you mention you were dying? Which? I think? You would do?

Abigail Brand will also be established to have broken up with Hank off panel for some reason so that Bendis can have Hank make a joke about not getting any in a while.

Bendis has already blown out two of the four main storylines that Hank had through the 00s for basically no reason. Because he doesn't like cat Beast, and because Abigail would logically stop Hank from doing something this stupid and care that he's going off the rails, so they've got to go.

Friends, they were broken up in 2015. We still don't know why. We have never. EVER. Gotten a reason. They apparently still care enough about each other to finger empty eye sockets, but not enough to, you know. Kiss or hug or fuck or be on panel together.

In fact, I'm gonna fuck you up right now. This is from Kieron Gillen's series during Secret Wars.

"Abigail Brand's War Journal.

Today I answered two questions. Firstly, what had happened to Hank. Secondly, of Perfection, the zombies or the Wave; which I hate the most.

I was hoping Hank was still alive. I hate myself for that now. If Doom above listened to my prayer and arranged this, then it's my fault.

I should have hoped he was dead. If he was dead, the Annihilation Wave wouldn't have been able to capture him, and turn him into what tried to break through the Shield this morning.

Killing him wasn't easy, but that'd be just as true if they hadn't changed him. Who would want to kill Hank?

McCoy was a kind man. Kinder than me. Kinder than anyone.

He didn't deserve to end up like this.

I don't want to write anymore."

Abigail Brand is not a women often inclined to sentiment. But Hank inspired it in her because he's so kind. He's soft. He's gentle. He's loving. He's tender. He's moral. He's just.

You can hear the love in Abigail's words, just as I tend to believe that you can hear the writer (my boy Kieron Gillen) loving Hank, too. There's just such a sadness and a sense of tragedy and lost opportunities here. There's a sense of someone so wonderful and so great being lost.

Where is any of that in Bendis Beast? He's just - to put it bluntly, he's an idiot. Not a goof, not a clown, no, he's an idiot (derogatory). He doesn't have any smart plans that save the day, he doesn't provide sage counsel to people who need it, he doesn't have anything constructive to add, he's just an idiot. When Scott turns up on the lawn and calls for everyone to revolution, he just.

Growls?

I'm sorry, what? Is this the same man who has absolutely no fucking shits to give when it comes to chewing out Scott Summers or not?

Hank had no problem giving a page long monologue to past Warren about his actions and why they were necessary a page before, but the instant the target of his derision is on the lawn in front of him, he just? Growls?

Like, just admit that you don't like Beast, Bendis. Why is it that Matt Fraction, who writes a somewhat poor Beast, and Chuck fucking Austen of all people, know that even if Hank is wrong, he should still win the argument through pure rhetoric power because his most notable super power is that he's super fucking smart and he won't shut the fuck up, but you don't, Brian?

Why's Beast got nothing to say? Why isn't Beast bringing up any of the stuff that drove a wedge between them in the first place? Why isn't he bringing up X-Force? Why isn't he bringing up the multiple suicide missions Cyclops arranged for people, including his son Cable and Nighcrawler? Do you not remember those or do you just not care, like, WHAT? Even if you, the writer, do not believe that Hank is in the right, he should at least act according to character and at least try and win the argument.

But Bendis Beast is stupid, so he doesn't try.

I don't even want to talk about the Watcher issue of All-New X-Men #25, or the Uncanny X-Men #600 issue which is a lot of other characters having arcs while Hank gets his shit kicked in by a lot of people who seem to be very much tired and unhappy with him. I legitimately just don't want to cap those issues because they make me sad and I just. Don't. Like it. It doesn't feel like Beast to me.

Hey, you wanna know what the Beast-Storm relationship was like before this issue?

"Henry's voice does that funny little quavering thing. He's still worried."

These two know each other and care enough about each other that Ororo knows what his voice sounds like when he's concerned but doesn't want to push, but sure, she's just gonna fuckin' browbeat him like that. Okay. Sure.

I fucking hate Bendis Beast so much. Without Bendis Beast, we wouldn't have Percy Beast, and I hate that Beast even more, because Bendis at least knew enough that he could make Beast an idiot and not evil and the fandom would swallow it. He had to cop to mind control to justify it.

But that's all it takes, isn't it? The step from, Beast is a good guy, to, Beast disagrees with Cyclops, to, Beast is an idiot, to, Beast is a race traitor, to, Beast is a Bond villain. Every journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, and the road to Percy was paved by Bendis. All it takes is an inching up, and suddenly you go from Beast being given maxed out scores for Wisdom and Conscience in a 2010 handbook, to using Wolverine's brain as a fucking sock puppet in 2023.

Oh yeah, and speaking of socket puppets, you want to know something infuriating? This future Beast, who is established here to be a puppet of Charles Xavier II? He gets murdered by Magneto off panel fairly violently because I'm fairly certain that Cullen Bunn just kinda forgot that this version of the Brotherhood is two actual bad people and a load of puppets.

What a hero. Thanks, Cullen, I really feel good about it???

And you know, it's that . . . it's that basic derision for the character, that basic ignorance of continuity, that plagues Hank so much these days. There's just so much that instantly flags as wrong if you know him, if you bother to read his stories, if you actually just read the comics instead of going by Wiki summaries. If editors did their fucking jobs.

Mm, no, he's not a doctor. He's 17. Doesn't have a doctorate yet. And when he did have a doctorate, it was in Biophysics, not medicine. Henry McCoy was not a medical doctor at age 17. Try harder.

The fuck you even sayin' to me, Bendis? Try harder.

A) That's fucking creepy. B) Hank was never in love with Jean. Try harder.

Like, just.

It's the basic facts of the character, Bendis. And I can go on! I can go on and on and on and on and on but I don't want to. All I can say is?

Try.

Harder.

It's just so embarrassing, watching professional comic book writers struggle to try, and fail, consistently, to write Hank McCoy. Because when he's written well, I can buy him doing morally suspect things, because the writer has established that they are trying to challenge Hank, that they are interested in poking at where he will and won't go. Because Hank will cave to peer pressure, and do what his friends think is right. Because Hank is insecure, and needy, and dependent. Because he feels like a person, with an actual psychology.

Lemme show you some things.

Warren Ellis wrote Hank getting more blood on his hands than I can conceive of, but I never call his Hank out of character (except for the occasional ableist slur that Ellis has him drop out of nowhere) because Ellis gets why this matters to Hank. Ellis understands that Hank cares. Ellis understands that Hank does know what consequences are.

Did you just feel the ambient intelligence in the room go up? You sure fucking did. Isn't it immediate, just how quickly you feel the difference when you go from braindead Bendis Beast to Ellis or Hickman Beast? Is there not just an immediate uptick in eloquence, in brilliance, in humanity, in soul?

The things that Ellis or Hickman had Beast do are more monstrous and awful than anything he did during the events of All-New X-Men. But because they had sympathy for the character, and because they bothered to write him as anything more than a sock puppet to oppose Cyclops, he comes across so very differently, doesn't he? One of these versions of Beast invites derision. The other invites sympathy.

Fuck Bendis.

[baconsoapp]

Transfem Captain America headcanon

listen youre gonna have to hear me out on this

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

I often think of the scene in CATWS, when Sam and Steve are talking and Sam says "You can do whatever you want to do. What makes you happy?" I think about how a common theme in cap's story is identity, self determination, and finding your true self in spite of adversity and trauma. These are experiences felt by everyone, but to me they have significantly more weight in a trans light.

Let's rewind. Steve Rogers is a scrawny kid from Brooklyn who somehow always finds himself in the middle of a fight. Bullies always seem to scope him out. Maybe it's because he's firm in his convictions... maybe it's something else as well? It wouldn't be out of the ordinary to pick on the small loud-mouth queer kid in that time.

Then he gets the serum. And while everyone is giving his respect probably for the first time in his life, it's an act. Just another costume to wear and perform, just another day he has to continue to keep up appearances.

He wants to be a good soldier, to be a part of something larger than himself, to help people in need. But he also wants to truly know himself, and that becomes clear when he wakes up from the ice 70 years later.

In a world that's moved on and changed around him, he throws himself into work, that brings him purpose. But that leads him to ask "Who am I outside of the uniform?" Outside of the convincing costume.

Where does being trans fall into this? Admittedly that's just a little artistic liberty and interpretation on my part, but I really do find the concept of Captain America being a trans woman to be so intriguing. Think about it-- the embodiment of liberty, freedom, and justice, wrapped into one single person, making that person trans would make the sentiment that much more powerful. Hell, transitioning is probably one of the most self-liberating things you can do (as we can see in the first movie :p)

Speaking as a trans person, transitioning has been empowering for me, being able to live my life as my true self, being able to change my appearance to better fit how I see myself. And I live in an area where I am able to do that tentatively but that's another discussion. That's incredibly freeing.

I'm probably gonna make another post going into more specifics about her, but this idea has been brewing in my mind for quite some time now.

[souldered]

🤔 it's more of the character arcs that i want to bring into this interpretation of bucky — not from a specific universe , not necessarily ma.rvel related. he doesn't have a metal arm , he's not thrown in wwii , have handlers or worked with other programs in the red room ...

same as how there's plenty of captain americas ( united states of captain america ) , they all carry like ... this essence and personal meaning being what it means to be captain america. where this iteration would carry a lot of meaning behind a person that carries the ideas of remembering who you are / remembering your roots , a protector of the people , death + guilt , emotional regulation , working until death , blind rage from a mother's son , self-preservation and survival instinct out of necessity , etc etc.

will we ever know bucky's real name ? has he forgotten it or will he not reveal it ? like specific backgrounds will soon come with some time , but i really do like the idea of 'bucky' being a placeholder name , a symbol of anyone that can relate to some part of him y'know ? whatever he's going through. :' ) if that makes sense.

[caliburn-the-sword]

💙💙💙

my parents got a little boat but i CANNOT go on it because i developed a fear of the open ocean. my great uncle is a sailor and was describing how he sailed from san fran to somewhere in south america FOR FUNSIES for about 2 months and described having to check the weather at the start and the end of each day to make sure he wouldn't get caught in a storm, about staring at the night sky unobstructed by pollution and how it made him briefly religious each night and existential, etc etc. and i couldn't get over the fact that if he interpreted a map wrong he could literally just get lost forever. fucking scary as shit, no thank you

i was reading the riordanverse for the first time when i was in year 8. i was up to the dark prophecy and was reading it in the school library when some new year 7 kid came up to me and asked what book i was reading. when i told her she laughed and said "jason dies in the next book" and SKIPPED AWAY THE LITTLE SHIT. i was inconsolable and i did NOT do as well as i usually did in my italian test that was in the VERY next period. worst way i've been spoiled for anything ever

because i loved marvel and captain america when i was like 10 i became obsessed with "american culture". but like in the same way that 14 year old white kids become obsessed with anime and japanese culture. i perfected the generic movie american accent (but tbf most aussies can do an american accent because of all the american tv and news we see). celebrated halloween (back then halloween wasn't that big here and only specific neighbourhoods really did trick or treating so my mum would have to drive me out to those ones) and it was not at all like how it was on tv like only every fifth house in neighbourhoods that did celebrate actually have lollies. i loved the fourth of july as a concept like fireworks and all that. i forced myself to eat quite a few burgers (i hate burgers it's a sensory nightmare for me). the phase lasted for an entire two years until i got into politics and got disillusioned with it (ofc i'm still obsessed with halloween but at least that's becoming more widely celebrated here). yeah i don't even fucking know lmao it was embarrassing as fuck. thank GOODNESS i didn't know about hamilton at the time or i literally would have been so much worse

[memorylang]

Hallowe’en and Mongolian Proficiency | #64 | November 2022

In this entry, I pick up with November 2O22’s beginning, from what was the start of my new Peace Corps assignment to Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. 

Chronologically, this takes place from the start of my third and fourth weeks back in Mongolia. As part of my current Peace Corps continuum, I spent those weeks in the remainder of my reeducation. Capping that off would be my Language Proficiency Interview, in which a rater would formally assess my Mongolian language level. I also spent these weeks becoming first acquainted with the city's municipal department of education and a handful of local non-profit organizations. 

I’ve still felt especially grateful to St. Joseph’s Day, Mar. 19, 2O23, during which I made serious progress on this piece, while a dear friend was simultaneously taking care of tasks. Now from November 2O23, we at last revisit November 2O22! 

At the Education Department

I felt surprised on my first day at work, Mon., Oct. 31, 2O22, with my main counterpart taking me to meet some 45 coworkers across our department’s, at the time, five sectors. We began from our little space in an office at the back of room 505. As we approached one-by-one desks together, my new counterpart would attempt on the fly a translation of the job title of whomever we were greeting. In my brown gridded notebook I tried to jot a list of people’s names, nicknames and titles. We walked from one desk to the next like this, office room after office room. 

After the initial hello to everyone working in our department, I remembered too that I’d brought from Reno joke calendar pages gifted by my Bostonian friend Jim. I felt distributing the pages would be a lovely way to ensure that everyone I met got a slice of American English. And so, the next days at work, I began revisiting people’s desks to deliver to them these jokes.

On my solo visits to people’s desks I would also bring my Mongolian-English Oxford Monsudar compact dictionary to assist me as I helped people to interpret. I stayed at one’s desk usually till I got a smile of recognition about what made the joke funny. Sometimes nearby coworkers’ who’d understood their jokes would help newcomers, too. 

The method of visiting four dozen people’s desks did wonders for my ability to understand pretty well quite a diverse slate of English abilities. The actual process of ensuring that each of my coworkers received their pages actually took many days, though, in part because some were out of the office when I first arrived. Nonetheless, I noted their names on a whiteboard in the office space of my main counterpart and me.

Allhallowtide With Friends

As I mentioned, my first day at the department office was Oct. 3I. So that evening after work, I met up with Peace Corps Mongolia for a Hallowe’en party gathering. I felt glad that the M3I Peace Corps Trainees had handled arrangements for it. All I had to do was to navigate to Star Apartments!

M3Is there in the community center felt eager to hear how my first day at work had gone. All I had to do after getting off work was arrive then swap into my Captain America get-up. Still, I enjoyed having the chance to get in costume. I’d brought the shirt specifically thinking how it would make an easy albeit on-the-nose costume. The Trainees looked great. We got to meet our Peace Corps staff’s kids, too! I enjoyed getting to be a proud hero.

As folks were leaving, I became graced with many candies to take home. I of course took the leftovers, so I spent time filling my backpack. Our Director of Programming and Training was around too, so we spoke briefly. He said kind words about the magnitude of my returning to service, especially with my interest in starting a foreign service career. When we were by the gate outside on the icy night, he impressed upon me that my choosing to return to Mongolia after three years away was something so meaningful to people. 

I returned to the education department office the next morning, Tues., Nov. 1, 2O22, for my second day of work. I needed to meet my ‘big boss’ to sign some paperwork. My main counterpart and I actually ran into him in the elevator! I felt welcomed when he said in Mongolian that my look was handsome. From the elevator we headed to his office to get the Peace Corps Volunteer agency agreement signed. He wished us well with our cooperation. He had a very kind smile. 

I was grateful that night to return to simple little St. Thomas Aquinas Church for its All Saints’ Day Mass. Singing “One Bread, One Body” across the Pacific was still a joy. The Gloria reminded me of the same Mongolian one in Erdenet sung years before.

The next day, Wed., Nov. 2, All Souls’ Day, I accompanied the Peace Corps on an excursion to the world’s largest equestrian statue of Chinggis Khaan, giving me a break from my work duties. On the adventure the new cohort got to practice in the bus, “Аяны шувууд” /Aynii Shuvuud/, my go-to Mongolian song. 

Throughout the week were also a blend of misadventures, involving joyful times throughout our city, Ulaanbaatar (UB). The tasks were mostly either to get supplies or to complete Peace Corps paperwork. Still, a key Thursday night highlight was reuniting with my Peace Corps Pre-Service Training Cross-Cultural Facilitator Bulgaa. She welcomed me to dinner atop the Shangri-La mall and had even shown me the school where she works. A Friday night highlight was joining my coworkers at the gymnasium for volleyball, reminiscent of my months in the countryside with my host family in Nomgon, Selenge. 

Cathedral Reunion: Second Sunday

A couple days later, that Sunday, Nov. 6, I traveled across town to the cathedral I remembered years earlier. Well, I got off at one bus stop too soon. Still, I'd left my apartment so early that I still arrived on time. 

As I approached the hazel-colored stone ger-shaped building, it felt quite familiar. Though, it sported an unfamiliar 30th anniversary poster on the door through which I entered. 

I came early for an English Mass that’s usually scheduled at 9 a.m. Sundays. Instead, a priest explained, there would be adoration. 

I enjoyed the time I could spend in prayer. 

A woman greeted me in passing with a hand on my shoulder. I took her to be an ICM religious sister, for she was Black and wore traditional Mongolian clothes. 

Before the benediction, I received a sheet in Mongolian listing the words to say and sing. I remembered that “ерөөх” is a verb that relates to blessing and praise. 

I learned during Mass in the cathedral that we were celebrating the 125th anniversary of the ICM Missionary Sisters of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. It also celebrated their 27th year in Mongolia and the 25th anniversary of a certain sister's consecration. The cardinal celebrated the Mass. (He was among the cardinals whose elevation we'd celebrated this spring in Vienna.)

Before Mass, I also received a pamphlet with an English translation summarizing the cardinal's homily. By the time Mass began, I realized that it turned out the Sister who greeted me was the same Cameroonian Sister Lucilla whom we honored that day. 

I also reunited with one of the pastors I knew from Erdenet, the one who had helped me evacuate. I also met again a UB Catholic I’d first met when I had come back to the cathedral during Advent 2OI9. Parishioners and staff even recognized me despite my having gotten to visit with them only once, those three years prior!

Sunday Night Language After School

I took the southern bus from the cathedral back toward the Narantuul/Dunjingarav area where my practicum group had gone before, when we’d lived at Holiday Inn. I found my way well enough. Then began the walk. 

I looked for the National Park area and then for Park Od Mall. I had read that this mall was near another mall named similarly but different. Along the way, I passed a Singaporean school, which surprised me. The trek reminded me of a dark walk in Malaysia’s Petaling Jaya on my way to St. Ignatius Church. 

I found the Park Od Mall lovely to know it had a glass bridge. The person with whom I’d meet found that detail quite mundane. “It’s a bridge,” she wrote, haha.

Happening to work in this mall was a Mongol who had contacted me years ago, during the pandemic’s start when I had just returned to Vegas. This evening she had invited me to visit her to practice my Mongolian. So indeed I came. She was so cute! When I arrived, she simply invited me behind the desk, and there we sat working. 

Turns out she owned the very store where we sat with my language notebooks open. I felt so surprised. She imported Korean products to sell. She was also heading back to Korea soon, so we just happened to be in Mongolia at the same time. 

She identified my lisping and quickly suggested remedy sounds I could make instead. I felt stunned by how kindly she diagnosed and remedied some of my most troubling pronunciation challenges. I wondered why she was so generous to me. She reminded me of the many warm young people I had met in China as an exchange student years ago. Still, I returned her favor with English advice. 

The hour felt quite, quite late by the time we finished in her office. So she walked me back to the bus stop. She looked fully wrapped in her warm coat, such that one could barely see her eyes from beneath everything.

She helped me to ask young folks also at the bus stop which bus route was right for me. In the cold, I got a deeper crash course in how to use the clunky UB Smart Bus app to parse the right route. It hardly made much sense with my limited data, though. 

My newfound friend was off to Korea, but asked if I could help her with English. We accepted that a video call could work too. I appreciated her generosity and wished her the best. She wished me likewise. I took the cold bus from the shopping area back to my apartment. 

Monday Reunion With Former Students

The next night, Mon., Nov. 7, I walked for a bit with M3O Eric and M3I Kat then traveled to reunite with two of my former students. M3I Kat joined me. I found the Tse Pub where Google Maps routed me, and its downstairs interior indeed resembled the one to which I'd gone with friends Adonis and Buynaa nearly three years earlier. 

Kat and I found a table to await my students. They came from my senior English teachers class and my junior Chinese translation students I’d taught at the National University of Mongolia, Erdenet School in 2OI9. Since that was years ago by fall 2O22, however, they had both since graduated. Curiously, the Chinese translation student’s brother, another of my friends, was in Dubai! 

I chatted with my former students over simple food and drinks. I felt like Tse’s prices had risen since their original $1–2 USD pricing. Nonetheless, I found their $3 rates competitive. Inflation does that.

My formers asked me whether I had a crush, which was surprisingly hard to answer. So I respond truthfully, "Мэдэхгүй," pronounced as I tend to prefer, /Мэдкү/. This answer seemed somewhat disappointing to my formers. Still, I felt conflicted as to whether chance encounters warranted the emotionally taxing label. 

Nonetheless, more exciting to me was the reality of having gathered together so many friends, new and old, in a seemingly familiar place. UB after all was a city I had visited only sparingly in the nine months I spent in Mongolia before. To reunite here with such warm people was a magical joy.

Tuesday Assembly Follow-Up

The following night, Tues. Nov. 8, I visited an associate pastor and his family, whom I met briefly at their church the prior Oct. 3O Sunday I came for Brian Hogan's talk. His family lived in an area near mine, hence my ease of accepting their invitation. He, his wife and children were pleasant. We enjoyed a living room meal, for which I remembered to bring the customary gift of something white such as milk. 

During our conversation, the husband taught me that we use a different verb in Mongolian, “гаргах,” to refer to the specific kind of killing of an animal I would witness soon. My main coworker was from Хархорин /Harhorin/ and had invited me to come visit her hometown with her to collect the winter’s meat. Harhorin has been especially famous for its location beside Mongolia’s historic capital, Хархорум /Karakorum/. 

I felt so surprised too that one of the pastor’s sons was superb at English from having learned it on YouTube. The son would have to work on his Mongolian language, though. Still, it was my first time to encounter such a situation in which a Mongol child in UB would know English better than Mongolian.

Wednesday Reunion and Finale

In order to secure my travel with my coworker to her province, she had called my language tester (her childhood friend) to move my test a day early. So the next night, Wed., Nov. 8, my meet-up with my friend Adonis moved a day earlier thanks to some flexibility on his part. He also brought along one of his students to meet me. 

We met in a place entirely unexpected to me. Yet the moment we entered, I knew exactly where we were. It was the Modern Nomads in which I had shared my Last Supper in Mongolia among fellow evacuating Peace Corps Volunteers who wanted a final Mongolian meal in March 2O2O. Thankfully, my friend had me and his student sit in a different section of the restaurant. 

His student's name reminded me of one of my former Mongolian language teachers, as her name was Bulgan too. In the English language portion of our conversation, we spoke at length about speaking with confidence. Thankfully my friend and I gave her relatively the same advice.

After dinner, Adonis started practice drills through frequent Mongolian language errors of mine and how to address them. I felt amazed by the precision with which he identifies and addresses my linguistic challenges. He really did make use of his degrees in psychology and linguistics.

In the restaurant, I overheard through the speakers a bittersweetly unmistakable song. I listened to this exact violin track morning after cold morn’ in Erdenet, rising for work many days. It was Degi’s sweet rendition of "Аяны шувууд" /Ayanii shuvuud/, the Mongolian song I sang for Teachers’ Day 2OI9. Hearing the familiar song with a familiar friend in the familiar place gave me a spiritual sense that God and Mongolia smiled, “Welcome back.”

The next morning I would take the language exam for which I had been preparing so long. Then that day I would leave the capital for my return to Mongolia’s countryside. 

Tested and Set Free

The morning of Thursday, Nov. 9, my LPI began after some time. I was back at what we called “Cluster B,” behind the Peace Mall. The name felt fitting despite no connection to the Peace Corps.

In the familiar room where I practiced many afternoon lessons alongside fellow evacuated Returned Peace Corps Volunteer, M3O Eric, I was alone this day with our tester. Our trainer Sumiya had prepared us well. This was much less stressful than my original LPI years ago. This time the tester and I spoke about my experiences in Mongolia before evacuating and upon returning, rather than something about where to put luggage. My tester too had been one of my teachers during our weeklong In-Service Training 2OI9!

After I finished, I felt glad to see Instructors Sumiya and Bolormaa in the corridor, as well as staff member Erka. I very gratefully spoke some Mongolian thanks to the three before grabbing my backpack and charging phone then hustling down to and out of Cluster B toward my apartment. I’d need to grab my sleeping bag and be ready to go.

As I walked back to my apartment, I reflected on how to some degree, the test was not about accuracy. It was a test about understanding. And yes, I definitely fell short of my grammatical accuracy and proper pronunciation many times. Yet, for the most part, I think I was understood, even if at times I didn't understand. I crossed the street onto Sukhbaatar Square’s sidewalk.

I continued to cross the sidewalk and noticed conversations from my fellow board officers of the Overseas Dispatch, an online experiment in forming community during the pandemic. At the traffic light as I waited to exit Sukhbaatar Square, I responded to the team’s messages and our consensus to gracefully dissolve. 

Up next, I was off to a province to which I hadn’t been before. 

You can read more from me here at memoryLang.tumblr.com :)

[its-tortle]

Luisa! Congrats on turning in your thesis draft! Since you asked for asks, was there an hc/fanon/fic that shaped your thesis disproportionately more than any other?

@dontcallmebree have a full version of this ask if you want it because for some reason it posted way too early 😭

bri! hi my love! <3

thank you v much for you congratulations 🥰 my draft is a bit incomplete because i for some reason decided it would be a good idea to travel last week, but shh it's fine it's just pass/fail and i should get some helpful feedback on my work so far

i don't know if my thesis is based on any specific tropes or fics but my argument is essentially that the marvel movies (inconsistently and not often well) fused steve and cap even more wholly than the comics did, and that fanfiction carefully pulls the symbol/persona away from the individual again. fanfic tends to emphasize those aspects of the character which are erased or unexplored in the very action-based movies. as i put it in my little transition paragraph, "[fandom's] interpretations are based on fun and a love for the character, but also often reveal negotiations about Cap’s identity, constructively critique source materials, and act as socio-political commentary."

some quotes from fanfic i think i will include are:

“Steve smiled, gesturing towards the taller boy with his mug. ‘I used to be Captain America. Now I’m just Steve.’” (ilikeyougreenie, 2021)

“I think…after waking up [seventy years later] and finding out that my voice, my- my image had been used to promote quite a few things that didn’t sit well with me. Captain America had become this symbol that was so much bigger than Steve Rogers you know? I just wanted my voice back, for the moSt part” (adhoori, 2019)

“Captain America’s a symbol,” Steve shakes his head. “I’m just Steve Rogers.” (faerietell, 2018)

and then i will obviously talk a bit about disability and religion and heritage and queerness, and why this is important to fans and why they make it important for steve. i go on a little stucky rant. i talk about how the movies queerbait and how fans use this as an opportunity to spin a love story further (creating wonderful lines like womb to tomb sweetheart) and reclaiming that part of the character for themselves.

i'm really struggling with the word limit cause clearly i have wayy too much to say haha. i hope this sort of makes sense though? i am also happy to share the draft/final version with anyone who requests it.

[cblgblog]

Hey, so I remember you addressing whether or not Marcus and McFeely actually intended Steve to be Peggy’s husband all along. But I was wondering if you knew of any interviews where they actually share that progress? Like, I just happened upon a civil war interview where they state Peggy as Steve’s ideal person romantically as well as behaviorally, but also stated that she was someone Steve only kissed once (in defense of Sharon). Any idea what changed, steggy expert?

I mean, you said expert, not me. All I have are my own thoughts, mostly. But it’s nice to be called an expert at something, so thanks for that.

I’m very hit and miss with interviews, btw, I probably catch maybe a quarter of everything that comes out, depending what part of the fandom we’re talking about, so bear that in mind. That said, here’s a short post EG interview where the M’s talk about it some, and how it’s very much their interpretation of it, not necessarily everyone’s.

And here is possibly the interview you mention. If it’s not the same, it seems similar.

With that, I feel like context is important. Yes they said that she was a woman he had kissed once but they said that in reference to how he might consider Sharon related or not related to himself. Because the antis will take something like that and say that they were admitting Peggy wasn’t that important to him, since they only kissed once. Which isn’t the point they were making. The point was to combat people calling Staron incest—which it never was, that was histrionic nonsense, this fandom simply has no chill. There’s a world of difference between something that’s weird in the eyes of some people and incest, and that’s the point he was making.

Honestly, even if the writers always pictured Steve as the husband—and I don’t have any reason to disbelieve them there—they wrote CW how they did. Doesn’t mean they were in charge of all—or any, really—of the decisions that were made. The Russos or Kevin the overlord, someone had a different idea of how things were going to play out, at least while CW was being made, or Staron wouldn’t have come into play at all. Something clearly changed with the people driving the ship. When or how specifically they made the official turn, and who was responsible for it ultimately? Not sure, I’ve never read anything that goes in depth with it, but my default answer is that everything is ultimately down to Kevin the overlord, since he’s the man on top of the trash pile.

If anyone has more/better info than me, feel free to tag in here. Like I said, my encyclopedic knowledge of official answers is sadly lacking.

[glapplebloom]

Paint it Black...

Twisted Metal is now a TV Show and I’ve been a fan of the franchise for a while. While the promos made me worried, that’s what a One Shot is for. The World of Twisted Metal the TV Series is different from the games. After a Cyber Attack that basically turned off all electronic devices, cities put up huge walls and left the criminals out of them. And our story focuses on two of them.

First is John Doe (named after the Twisted Metal: Black competitor of the same gimmick). His last memory was being found outside the city and in a car he calls Evelyn. He somehow made it to adulthood and works as a Milkman. It’s basically a delivery service where he transfers specific goods from one walled up city to another. The price: basically anything that can improve his life. It could be weapons to keep himself safe from others or even a special windshield wiper.

He is played by Anthony Mackie, who you may know as either the Falcon or Captain America in the MCU. I haven’t seen a lot of his work but based on these two, I really enjoy him as an actor. He’s very entertaining and bounces off others very well. He also knows when things should be serious and when it should be humorous. And for you ladies or those who are into men, you get to see his butt in the first episode so enjoy.

Another character who will be important later is, as far as we know, is called Quiet. While she doesn’t do much in this first episode, she becomes much more important later. All you really get in this episode is meeting John randomly in an attempted robbery and setting up her revenge plot with Agent Stone, who is another Twisted Metal Character that is different from the games. They have a lot of them in this series, some VERY deep cuts.

But with John proper, the first episode establishes the goal of the first season: John Doe has to get to Vegas and back in 10 days and if he does, he gets to live within the walls of New San Francisco. This is important because being a Milkman is a dangerous profession. When he got the license to be one, he was told to not expect to grow old and if he can pull this off he can be the first one to do so. And to ensure you get invested, it shows Raven (also a Twisted Metal Character and current Ruler of New San Fran) has some evil intentions. 

Before my final thoughts, two thoughts on two Twisted Metal Characters in the series. First is Sweet Tooth. Samoa Joe plays his body as he is voiced by Will Arnett and honestly I frikkin love this performance. He looks exactly like Sweet Tooth in live action and he is pretty funny. He even has Harold from the first Twisted Metal game. It’s like a hodgepodge of the numerous Sweet Tooth interpretations. 

Another is someone I didn’t expect to see: Granny Dread from Twisted Metal 3. The show made her the leader of a Truck Convoy and basically on her last days alive. It's a very beautiful moment for a character you probably didn’t care about since she entered the Twisted Metal Tournament so she can watch her stories without being interrupted.

Overall, I do enjoy this series. Twisted Metal has always been a blend of Humor and Action and the show does give it a feel. The first season is working on building up this world and how it works as from what I heard, the final episode establishes that we’ll be seeing the Twisted Metal Tournament proper next season. And I am looking forward to it.

[pageandpanel]

(originally posted @ Page and Panel on wordpress)

For my first post on my new attempt to ~have a blog~ I am reposting an old entry into my failed wordpress blog. My attempt to read Marvel Comics start to finish is something I am hoping to get back to in the near future. I have edited this and reformatted it for tumblr so hopefully it's not too much of a nightmare to look at but it is WAY too long.

Why in the world would anyone attempt to read more than half a century of comics? I’m fascinated by the concept of an ongoing continuity and how different writers and artists interpret characters. And the fact that so many hands have touched this project with so many different interests and priorities and yet it continues on as a cohesive (a term we’ll use loosely) and linear story is actually really cool. 

There’s a lot of interesting stuff going on here so I’m going to try to write about it at regular intervals that are sometimes strategic and sometimes completely arbitrary. The first chapter of Page Main Lines Sixty Years of Marvel Comics (more clever name tbd, probably) covers the first three years of the Marvel Comics Universe designated 616. This is the main universe that has been ongoing from 1961 to every Wednesday until the world ends, probably.

Just to establish some parameters for what this project is, I’m reading Marvel Comics chronologically starting with the Silver Age, launched by Fantastic Four #1 in 1961 written by Stan Lee and drawn by Jack Kirby. There are some ongoing anthology titles carrying over from the pre-616 era that I’ll be picking up here as well because they introduce key players in the Marvel Universe (specifically Spider-Man, Ant-Man, and Thor). The Golden Age doesn’t really interest me all that much beyond its history and the characters that get carried over to the new continuity (Captain America and Namor the Submariner, most famously). And while I’m trying to read everything, I did make a decision early on to skip out on Strange Tales because I don’t really care about Johnny Storm’s solo adventures. 

The format of these posts, like everything else I throw up on this blog is subject to change forever and ever. But for now, I think book by book and then covering some broad themes/connections at the end is the easiest way to tackle this.

We begin, like most stories begin, with a family of four on a trip to outer space...

Fantastic Four

Written by Stan Lee and drawn by Jack Kirby, as all Marvel Books were at the time, Fantastic Four #1 starts off in media res and we are introduced to our heroes as they drop whatever mundane activities they are doing as civilians and respond to the impending thread of Mole Man.

As each member makes their way to the scene, Stan Lee takes a step back to give us a classic origin story that is BEYOND bonkers: Reed Richards is the most brilliant scientist in the world and he absolutely must break into a government facility to fly a rocket into space. He is accompanied by his college roommate, Ben Grimm, his childhood sweetheart, Sue Storm, and her little brother, Johnny Storm. Ben, like anyone hearing this plan obviously thinks it’s stupid and crazy. But Sue Storm is quick to remind him that they, four regular civilians with no real training, absolutely have to do this because if they don’t then the Commies will win the Space Race. Because it truly wouldn’t the 60’s without some good, good anti-communist propaganda. So much more on that to come later.

They make it, miraculously. But cosmic space rays have given each of them incredible powers. Reed is stretchy, Sue is invisible (oh the metaphor), Johnny is on fire, and Ben…

Thanks for that little nugget of a plot line. Ben actually resents Reed because he has a thing for Sue. That will go in a lot of different directions and definitely has more teeth than the time that Professor X had a thought bubble about being in love with Jean Grey, his student, that never gets mentioned again (until it does, unfortunately). But let’s put a pin in that and red string it later.

With the flashback over, our heroes arrive on Monster Isle to find Mole Man who is responsible for several cave-ins across the world. His plan is to unleash his monsters on the world to get revenge on women who weren’t interested in him. Mole Man: confirmed Incel. The Fantastic Four easily defeat Mole Man by sealing him inside a mountain and straight up killing him. I guess. Reed eulogizes their first on page enemy by saying “It’s best that way! There was no place for him in our world…” right in front of his rock monster best friend. Tough look Reed…

Fantastic Four #2 introduces a foe that made their on screen debut in the Captain Marvel movie: The Skrulls! I love Skrulls and truly didn’t realize that they showed up this early in continuity. In part 1, our heroes are engaging in some distinctly unheroic behavior. The Thing attacks an oil rig, Invisible Girl does a jewel heist, Mister Fantastic messes up an energy plant, and The Human Torch melts a statue made of marble. And I know I’m expecting too much from a comic in which four people take a family trip to space and come back with super powers, but it’s important to me that everyone knows that marble is heat resistant and doesn’t melt. The world, who apparently all know that the Fantastic Four exist and are totally cool with them, freak out. Are New York’s favorite heroes breaking bad!? Nah. It’s just shapeshifting aliens attempting to ruin the reputation of the only people on Earth who can stop their invasion.

The US Army, ignorant to a large scale alien invasion, is called in to deal with the threat the Fantastic Four pose. Our heroes hide out in an isolated cabin to regroup and figure out what to do. But the military surrounds them and takes them in.

Each member is put in a cell specifically designed to withstand their powers. Which seems silly because if you put an invisible woman in a regular cell, she’s still there even if she’s invisible. But whatever. This also the first appearance of Asbestos in the Marvel Universe. And if you think that’s a dumb thing to notice, you clearly didn’t grow up in the 90s, seeing commercials for Asbestos lawsuits on every single tv show. I know this stuff was in regular use in the 60s but I seriously hope Johnny was able to get in on some of those pay outs because it’s really his biggest foe in the early FF comics.

Once they break out, the team regroup to plot against the unknown foes turning the world against them. They send Johnny to sabotage a rocket launch in order to draw them out. When Skrulls disguised as Sue and Reed pick up the real Johnny instead of a Skrull, the jig is up. The Fantastic Four take the Skrulls prisoner and Reed, expert level spaceship driver, steals their rocket to travel up into space where the invading Skrull army is waiting. Reed, pretending to be a Skrull, passes off images from Marvel Comics horror/monster books Strange Tales and Journey into Mystery as real photos from Earth. He convinces the Skrull leader that Earth is simply too dangerous to invade and volunteers to stay behind.

As the rocket re-enters earths Atmosphere, they pass through more cosmic waves. This turns The Thing back into regular old Ben Grimm. But, because Ben will never catch a W, he’s a rock monster again before the spaceship lands. It’s not easy being Grimm.

Back on earth, the question remains as to what to do with the remaining three Skrulls that Reed has taken prisoner. In another “though look my guy, Reed” moment, he decides that the only option they have to deal with aliens who can literally turn into anyone or anything is to force them to turn themselves into cows. Reed then hypnotizes the Skrull Cows into thinking they are real cows. Which is pretty fucked up and Reed should probably be considered a war criminal at this point, literally two comics in. But don’t worry. I’m sure there will absolutely never be any consequences for his actions. (Just kidding, this will be one of the catalysts for Secret Invasion in 2005. One of these Skrulls is the Emperor Skrull’s son.)

While FF #2 gave us one of Marvel’s most prominent Alien Invaders, Fantastic Four #3 is a much slower issue that doesn’t bring in much of anything. We open with our team taking in a stage show. They’re here to see the Miracle Man who promptly recognizes them and begins heckling them from stage. At this point, the Fantastic Four are basically celebrities. Though, we’re going to back track on that in a few issues, I think. He challenges The Thing to a test of their strength, which the Thing promptly loses. On their way home from the show, Reed talks about how lucky they are that Miracle Man is not a super villain. Which… you know…

Really, there isn’t a lot that happens in the A-Plot of this issue. Miracle Man brings the monster to life, they rob a jewelry store, and then the team defeats him and everything is fine. What is way more interesting happens between the Miracle Man problem. The B-Plot of this issue is rife with conflict between the members of the Fantastic Four.

This issue isn’t the first time we see the role Sue gets shunted into as the caretaker of the boys on the team. But it is the first time she names it herself. While later interpretations of Sue will have her displaying a lot more power, right now she’s written as the mom of the team. She is the one who sews the team’s infamous costumes that, even today, have barely changed. Though, given that she made them with a material that Reed has coined “unstable molecules,” it seems she’s a perfectly capable scientist as well. Though, we’ll rarely see this aspect of her. There’s only room enough on the team for one Smartest Man in the World.

We also see tensions rise between Ben Grimm and the rest of the team. He has been a volatile figure since day one, prone to outbursts of anger and violence. It’s still unclear as to whether or not this is his pre-rock monster personality. It may also be a side effect of his powers or, justifiably, anger at being the only member of the team to get turned into a rock monster.

But anyway, Fantastic Four #4 is a much more interesting issue with one major and very precious addition to continuity:

Kidding. But this is a bit that I find absolutely hilarious. Actually, the issue opens with Johnny quitting the team after an argument. The three remaining members split up to search for him. Ben is the one who finds him working on hot rods with his friends at a garage. And, because Ben doesn’t have a gentle touch when it comes to Johnny, property damage ensues.

Thankfully before he can actually hurt Johnny, Ben suddenly changes back to his human form. It only lasts like two seconds because Stan Lee loves to torture Ben apparently.

So he’s back to his rocky self in no time. It’s actually pretty in the tragedy of getting to see him constantly being given these moments of hope, only to have them snatched away seconds later. No wonder he’s so angry all the time. But this does give Johnny a chance to escape.

Because he can’t go home, he seeks a bed for the night at what looks like a halfway house or a youth hostel in the Bowrey. Once he has secured a bed for the night, he settles in to read an old comic about the iconic 1940’s Timely Comics hero, The Sub-Mariner. When another patron notices what he’s reading, he points to a disheveled man who claims to be as strong as The Sub-Mariner. And this enters one of the absolute greatest characters in all of Marvel Canon. Just as soon as Johnny gives him a haircut with fire.

The King of Abs-Lantis has arrived and I already love him. But also, the burnt hair smell in that hostel right now… 🤢 Even though Johnny recognizes him, The Sub-Mariner himself does not seem to remember who he is. So, Johnny takes him to the ocean and basically tosses him in. Once in the water, the Sub-Mariner remembers who he is and returns to his home of Atlantis only to find it in ruins. It has been destroyed by atomic weapons testing.

When The Sub-Mariner returns to land, he informs Johnny that he will avenge his home by destroying the human race. Now, Johnny is smart enough to know that this is obviously a problem worthy of getting the team back together. He sends up a flare for the others to find him and while they’re en route, The Mariner summons the “largest living creature in the world” using the Horn of Proteus. Oh, and the monster’s name is Giganto, which is objectively hilarious.

While New York is evacuated and the army attempts to take down the monster, Ben comes up with a fool proof and probably technically impossible plan. With a nuclear bomb strapped to his back, he launches himself into the mouth of the beast. Never mind that nuclear weapons are what got us into this mess in the first place, but okay.

Ben does, miraculously, manage to escape very certain death. With his monster defeated, The Mariner threatens to summon more creatures with the Horn of Proteus, but an invisible Sue Storm sneaks up behind him and steals it. The Mariner tackles her and tells her if she will become his bride he won’t destroy humanity. Sue agrees, reluctantly-ish. But Johnny saves the day with a fire tornado that plunges the Mariner back to the bottom of the ocean. Leaving everyone who is in love with Sue a little confused about where they stand with her, and Sue a little Hot of Mariner. Understandable, Sue. I get it. The Mariner vows to return and he definitely will.

Tales to Astonish

Tales to Astonish #27 is the first appearance and origin story of Henry Pym AKA Ant-Man. The issue opens with Henry making an incredible discovery. He shrinks a chair with a miniaturizing serum and grows it back to normal size with an enlarging serum. Unfortunately, the rest of the scientific community is less impressed with Henry’s experiments.

Fueled by his need to stick it to his haters, Henry tests his serum on himself. Thankfully, it works instead of eating through his skin like acid or something and Henry shrinks himself down to the size of a… you guessed it! An ant! What he doesn’t plan for is leaving the enlarging serum out of reach. The rest of the issue becomes a quest to turn himself back into normal size. As he tries to get to the serum, he is chased by ants into an ant hill where he gets stuck in honey. Which… makes sense. Sure.

He is fortunate enough to befriend one ant willing to help him. Henry is surprised when it works to pull him free from the honey and let him go. But he also torches the ant hill so I guess fuck that ant.

When Henry finally manages to get to his enlarging serum he is so shaken by the experience that he decides that his creation is too dangerous for man kind. He then pours it down the drain. Just because it’s too dangerous for man kind doesn’t mean it’s too dangerous to dispose of properly. And now the Marvel universe is overrun by enlarged bacteria from Henry’s kitchen sink. But as long as he lives, he will never forget the ant who saved his life. Even though he totally burned down that ant’s house. Which especially sucks because I doubt ants have homeowners insurance or anything to cover fire damage.

The Incredible Hulk

And the last issue I want to hit in this first installment is Incredible Hulk #1 because I think it establishes an interesting pattern with our first three protagonists of early marvel comics.

This had been advertised in the previous FF book with “Who is the Hulk?” Printed in the margins of the story, which I think is a pretty cool way to drum up interest for the book. The first run of The Incredible Hulk only lasts 6 issues. But it’s some of Jack Kirby’s best work.

This one, like Tales to Astonish, is a straight up origin story for Bruce Banner and the Hulk. If you’re familiar with Hulk through the movies, this is going to be a story that is familiar in all but one key difference.

On a military base, Bruce Banner is getting ready to test his invention, the Gamma bomb. Bruce fits in along side Reed Richards and Henry Pym in the Smartest Man In The World category. He is also kind of an asshole with little regard to what others in his community have to say about his work. In fact, he has refused to share his work with his colleagues and doesn’t want them to check his work. Seems like a dick move to me.

There’s actually a lot going on here in terms of toxic masculinity. We also have Thunderbolt Ross who doesn’t understand science or anyone who isn’t punching things 24/7 and all he really ever does is yell and tell his daughter to stay out of “man talk!”

Once everyone is done yelling, it’s time to test the bomb. Bruce takes one last look at it just in time to see a wayward teen, Rick Jones, driving through the test field. Bruce chases after him, because it’s perfectly reasonable to assume that he will not only catch a Jeep on foot, but he’ll also be able to do so before the bomb detonates. At least the last part wouldn’t have been a problem if he hadn’t pissed Igor off. Before running after the boy, Bruce tells him to shut down the countdown and Igor casually decides not to. And while Bruce does manage to save the kid, he gets caught in the Gamma explosion.

Hours later, Bruce wakes up at the base where he stays, being monitored for any symptoms caused by the explosion. That night, while Rick watches Bruce, he transforms into a giant Grey monster and breaks out of the base. This is where the origin deviates from what is mostly considered canon at this point. The Hulk isn’t triggered by rage or heightened emotion. Instead, he just comes out at night. Essentially, Bruce Banner is a nuclear powered werewolf.

The monster sneaks (which seems unlikely since he’s a big monster, but who knows) through the base, followed by Rick Jones. He makes his way to Bruce Banner’s cabin, where they find Igor rummaging through Bruce’s stuff. Igor shoots at The Hulk with no effect except to piss him off even more. Finally, Bruce picks up Igor and slams him down into the table where all of his research is scattered. The absolute best part of this is we learn where Bruce hides all of his research and proprietary secrets. Pages labeled “Top Secret Report on Gamma Ray Bomb” are tapped to the bottom of a beaker. Come on my guy. Buy a safe.

When the Hulk finds a picture of Bruce in the cabin, he is appalled to see such a weak creature until Rick reminds him that he is that weak creature. I don’t think triggering an existential crisis is the best way to defeat a radioactive werewolf, but I’ve also never had to calm one down after a rampage, so who am I to judge?

Eventually, the sun comes up and The Hulk is returned his normal Bruce Banner shape just in time for soldiers to storm his cabin, demand to know where the Hulk is and take Igor and the Top Secret Gamma report away. Betty hangs back to apologize, once again, on behalf of her father and suggest that he see a doctor. To which Bruce replies, “Baby, I am a doctor.” Okay, no he doesn’t. But we do get a fun snide commentary from Rick who has no time for Betty’s crush. Bruce tells Betty he’ll call her but also tells Rick that he’s afraid that the will never escape becoming The Hulk.

Meanwhile, Igor has been taken into custody. In his cell, he uses a transmitter embedded in his fingernail to contact the Soviet scientist known as The Gargoyle. Not a great look for the Soviets to have given him that name based on his facial deformities, but what do we really expect? The Gargoyle makes his way to the states via submarine.

Back over in the A-Plot, Bruce and Rick are experimenting with ways to manage the Hulk for the time being. They drive the Jeep out into the desert before nightfall to get him away from the base before he changes again. After a run in with Betty that causes her to faint, the Gargoyle shows up. He shoots The Hulk and Ross with bullets filled with drugs that basically allow The Gargoyle to control their actions. They follow him onto a sub and head back to the USSR but on the rip, sun comes up and Hulk turns back into Bruce Banner.

When The Gargoyle finds him, he begins to sob, saying he wants to be a man and not a monster too. Bruce treats him with radiation which makes him look normal but also takes away his super intelligence. I guess that’s a trade off. Once he’s “cured” Gargoyle reveals that he has hella daddy issues and with the new realization that he has been used by the USSR, he basically renounces the Soviet efforts. Finally, he puts Bruce and Rick on a rocket headed for the US and blows his base up in a final act of defiance.

There's a lot to unpack here...

It’s actually kind of impressive to revisit comics I read as a teenager and thought very little of at the time and come away from them with a lot to chew on. There are a lot of interesting themes here with regard to how the comics interact with real world ideas and politics.

Communism, The Cold War, The Atomic Age, Vietnam

So, these comics are coming out in 61 and 62. The Cold War is in full swing, America is a few years out from entering Vietnam, and a few months prior to the release of Fantastic Four #1, the first man went to space. So much of what what we see happening on the page are consequences of that political climate just as so much of what our characters go through relate back to that central unease. Science was advancing at a more rapid pace than ever before and citizens were being warned of the constant threat that communism posed on their way of life.

There is also A LOT of anti-communist propaganda in the first decade of Marvel comics. Here, we’ve only seen it so far with the Fantastic Four needing to go to space to beat the “commies” and the Igor’s attempts to be the worlds worst double agent. We’ll see a lot more of that once we get to Journey into Mystery, because somehow the book about Norse Gods got turned into the most deliberate and most obvious anti-commie book for a while.

Science and Intelligence as it relates to Toxic Ego and Fragile Masculinity

It’s not a mistake that our three “main characters” so far are Reed Richards, Henry Pym, and Bruce Banner. All brilliant men of science who are exploring new technology in their own ways. The contrast between how Reed is treated, versus Henry and Bruce is fascinating. Reed and his contributions to science, as well as his powers have made him a celebrity. He is celebrated by his fans and his family and is all around viewed as a good guy (despite the fact that he turned three autonomous beings into cows). On the other hand, Pym and Banner are belittled. Pym is belittled by his colleagues who think his theories and his studies are outlandish and impossible. Banner is surrounded by military men who value brute strength over science. Thunderbolt Ross will constantly diminish Bruce as less of a man because he’s smart rather than strong.

The most fascinating part of this, to me, is knowing what becomes of Hank Pym in the future. Jumping ahead a little bit, his reputation in the universe and among fans will be forever tarnished by how he treats his future wife, Janet Van Dyne. In a sequence of events in a 1980s issue of the Avengers, Hank appears to strike Janet across the face. This has been, rightfully, called out as an act of domestic abuse by fans and has utterly ruined Hank’s reputation as a character. At the time, and in future incidents, the creators of that moment have discussed how they had never intended it to be viewed that way. But, even now in his first appearance, you can see the groundwork of a volatile man with a fragile ego and it’s not that much of a leap to see this man committing domestic assault.

Women as Caretakers and House Mothers

Right now, the only woman we see with any regularity is Susan storm. And we see her slotted into that mother role with the rest of the team. She is their caretaker, their costume maker, and the object of two members’ affection. This does not really improve until much later. For now, we have a woman doing woman’s work and not much else.

The only other woman we have to compare her to is Betty Ross. For the first six issues of Hulk, she is less a character and more of a background object. A full table lamp of a person, much like the earliest version of Jane Foster, who we’ll soon meet in Journey into Mystery.

‘Nuff Said!

And that wraps up the first six issues of Marvel continuity. It literally took me two months to write this post so who knows when I’ll cover the next few issues? But if you’re interested in something I update more frequently check out this twitter account I made to clean all the screencapped panels out of my camera roll: @616caps.

I’ll leave you with this incredible cutaway of the Fantastic Four’s HQ because who doesn’t love a cutaway!

[saltysunflowersugar]

step 1: watch Drawfee’s cursed ship fanart video

step 2: get inspired to make some cursed ship art of your own by asking random people around your university to name a random fictional character who’s at least 18

step 3: get results (Steve Harrington x Tarzan, Atlas Corrigan from At Ends With Us x Alaska from Looking For Alaska, Captain America x Jack Sparrow, and Ironman x Zoro from One Piece)

step 4: set up laptop ready to go

step 5: none of the drawing programs you’re using seem to actually be compatible with your creative process or PC setup

step 6: realize you don’t even know more than half these characters and can’t have your canvas and references up at the same time due to how these programs work

step 7: rant about on tumblr instead

[theflyingkipper]

tell me everything about your interpretations of real life locomotives

i just think they're neat

hello I am so sorry for making you wait months for an answer on this, I hope this is good!!

So I do have some locomotives from real life as part of my headcanons for TTTE characters (for example, Onslaught, Glory, and Greyhound are part of my D10 lore- and in my headcanon Diesel 10 is warship D810 “Cockade”)

But there are a few that don’t exactly relate to TTTE. I’ll be talking specifically about how I characterize them, with some links to past artwork I’ve done and any other informative links

Santa Fe 2926 (or “Santi”)

(2926 is the only one I’ve given a name that’s different from its running number so far, since shes the only one ive officially made into an OC)

Santi had a very short working life when she was still in service, and spent decades as a static display in a park. Oddly enough, shes not so grouchy as most display engines tend to become. I like to think she was in limbo for the most part while on display, kind of like Duke being buried in the shed. (Or like Captain America getting frozen for 75 years) When she woke up during the beginning of her restoration in the early 2000s, she was unaware of how much time had passed- which was very disorienting. Fortunately she’s had the restoration team catch her up on the last 60 years of human history.

Santi as of writing this post hasn’t been on any excursions yet as far as I know, and is still cooped up in the yard. I think she keeps an audio log of how she’s slowly going crazy in there.

“Day 325 - the restoration team fixed my whistle! Its a shame I have no one of my own kind to scream at with it!”

I think Santi and R&N 2102 are pen pals. preserved 4-8-4 besties for life ❤️🚂

they narrate what they want written out loud to their engineers, they both sign off with 0000-00000000-0000, their shared wheel arrangement in text.

~

Denver and Rio Grande K36s

(I want to give them names, and they’d probably all start with the same letter)

9 out of 10 of the K36s are preserved, the 5th one got scrapped. In reality, the group is split across the Cumbres and Toltec Scenic Railroad and the Durango & Silverton, but for the sake of this interpretation they’re all together

I found out about the K36s through a video by History in the Dark, he has a series of videos of “10 of the best trains ever”. I cant find the exact episode :(

Imagine the Dieseasel but there’s NINE of bill and ben instead of two. Though they aren’t as mischievous, they’re definitely just as irritating. They’re sort of a strange hive mind of little engines, akin to Ariel’s sisters in the Little Mermaid. Any time something spectacular happens on their railway, they find some way to spiritually communicate the happening to dear #485, their sibling who fell in a turntable and had to be scrapped- her damage was too severe. Though 485 was very much like the rest of them, she sort of becomes their saint- who they leave offerings of coal and water for in her old shed berth like its a medieval icon. Any time one of them misbehaves, one of their siblings is sure to tell them that 485 would be ashamed and she is not smiling on them right now.

Although this strays from their real life history quite a bit (and their gauge, which is 3ft), I think it would be hilarious if Thomas met them in a RWS-ified BWBA. He comes to their little railway and they all go front over wheels about their strange visitor. I also think the dynamic between them would be interesting, since the K36s are 9 out of their original 10, and Thomas is 1 out of the original 10 E2s. However, It’d probably take a while to get to that point in conversation with how supremely creeped out Thomas is by the K36s slightly cultish practices

Also, they’d probably chase him out of their little railway with pitchforks and acetylene torches if he brought up anything about turntables. They’re a bit of a touchy subject .

~

NKP 765

the 765 isn’t hard to find videos of XD Since shes the pride of the Nickel Plate Road and not converted to burn oil like lots of other large preserved engines, she takes pride in her unique status. I like to think she has the attitude of a great aunt or grandma with a gritty sense of humor and a laugh that could shake the walls. She does get puffed up in the smokebox, though, and has a hard time admitting she’s wrong. She has a bit of a parental relationship with the diesels on her railway, some of whom call her “granny”, and other endearments relating to her age.

~

New Zealand V Class

in a very different vein than everyone else, the V class all met the absolutely horrifying fate of being BURIED IN MUD

in my interpretation of them, The V Class have all become eldritch horror abominations, and local engines have kept their ghost stories alive and well. (usually taking the form of wayward vengeful spectres that like to make themselves known in uncomfortable places)

I had an idea where the V class emerges as one giant metal monster festooned with river sediment and garbage and terrorizes the locals but I don’t know enough about New Zealand or its railways to make an effective story.

[incorrectstevebucky]

Captain America the First Avenger but with Full Stucky Goggles

Okay but Steve and Bucky’s relationship mirrors a romantic relationship from the very first movie. 

In the First Avenger movie after Steve gets the serum and is made to tour instead of fight, he gives up on ever being able to fight or make a difference. Then he finds out Bucky has been captured and he goes from this:

to this:

and he runs to Phillip’s:

and asks him for just “one name: Sergeant James Barnes of the 107th. B-A-”

When Phillip’s tells him that name does sound familiar and was on the list of the presumed deceased. He then immediately runs to the show tent, grabs his props, and decides to go on a one man rescue mission. 

Peggy: Your friend is most likely dead

Steve: You don't know that

Peggy: Do you plan to walk to Austria?

Steve: If that’s what it takes.

When he arrives and rescues the men, he says he’s looking for a Sergeant James Barnes and asks the Howlies if there’s anywhere else someone might be and they respond by telling him that some of them get taken away but no ones ever come back from there.

He then tells the Howlies how to get out and what to do before leaving to go find Bucky. They even ask him if he’s sure and knows what he’s doing and he responds by joking that he’s punched Hitler over 200 times. 

Again, despite other people’s concerns he prioritizes Bucky (despite all signs pointing to Bucky most likely being dead). 

He runs into Zola and starts to chase him before being distracted by hearing mumbling and going in to find Bucky strapped to a table.

This is Steve’s face when he starts to free Bucky and leans over him and says “It’s me. It’s Steve.”

and this is Bucky’s face:

which goes from confusion to the biggest smile when he realizes that Steve came for him. This also somewhat mirrors the winter soldier Hellicarrier scene since Bucky has clearly been drugged with the way hes slurring, his eyes are glassy, and all he can say is his name and serial number but the minute he sees Steve its like he starts coming back to life.

After Steve gets him off the table he EVEN SAYS “I thought you were dead” with so much relief in his voice

Phillip’s told Steve Bucky was on the list of dead soldiers, Peggy told him Bucky was most likely dead, the Howling Commandoes told him that no one has ever come back from the labs alive, even STEVE HIMSELF had doubts about whether or not Bucky was alive and HE STILL HAD TO GO LOOKING FOR HIM.

And then Bucky, who had be tortured for days and is exhausted and in pain, asks Steve if getting the serum hurt him. Even half dead his main concern is Steve.

Then obviously they run into the Red Skull and Zola and the building starts to blow up. Bucky manages to get across to safety but the bar breaks, trapping Steve. 

This is Bucky’s face when he realizes the bar broke and Steve’s stuck.

Bucky tells him there has to be a rope somewhere to which Steve tells him to get to safety

and Bucky responds by saying that he’s not leaving without Steve

The interesting here is that Steve was fully expecting and preparing to die but realizes that Bucky won’t leave unless Steve leaves too.

It doesn't show well in pictures, but Steve is clearly reluctant to jump and only does so because he knows that Bucky won’t leave without him (also just the fact that Bucky was fully prepared to die in a burning factory despite being able to leave just because he can’t leave Steve).

Fast forward a little bit, and Bucky and Steve rejoin the other soldiers and make their way back to camp.

Steve talks to Phillips and reunites with Peggy and just as Steve and Peggy start flirting Bucky yells out “Lets hear it for Captain America”.

There’s been a lot of meta about this scene but the gist of it is that when Steve looks to Bucky, Bucky smiles at him but as soon as Steve turns away his smile starts to falter.

The best explanation I’ve seen for Bucky’s feelings in this scene is that he used to be only one who saw all of Steve’s qualities and potential and everything that made him special but now the rest of the world sees it too and Steve isn't only his anymore (and also he yelled out right then because he was jealous of  Steve paying attention to Peggy more than him).

Then we move to the bar scene where Steve recruits the commandos. After the commandos agree to join him, Steve goes to ask Bucky if he’s ready to “follow Captain America into the jaws of death” (interesting to note, Bucky would be eligible to go home since he was drafted and because he was a POW, but Steve doesn’t even ask, there’s a general expectation between the two that wherever Steve goes Bucky follows). Bucky also tells Steve here that he’s not following Captain America but the friend he’s always followed. 

He then jokingly asks Steve if he can keep the outfit. This part was interesting because before he complained about the outfit and about having everything he ever wanted but that he now has to wear tights.

This next part was when Peggy comes in. Bucky’s reaction is interesting and something someone else analyzed really well before but the gist of it is that Bucky’s reaction is basically jealousy.

His fists and jaw is clenched and what’s more interesting is that the song playing in this part is called “There is Tavern in the Town”. Here’s the good analysis by stevebucks.

Moving on, we have Steve getting the SHIELD and other Captain America stuff from Howard Stark and he then hands him his “ideas” for the suit. The suit design, that he hated before,  is the same as the one Bucky asked if he was keeping.

We then see Steve, Bucky, and the commandos storming Hydra bases before finally coming to the train mission. Fun fact: After Steve says “Now why would I do that?”, the original script had Steve call him a punk and then Bucky respond with Jerk, calling back to the beginning of the movie.

We then have them land on the train and they end up getting separated by doors and a robot man. They’re super in sync through the fight and we have the sad moment where Steve and Bucky again take turns rescuing each other. Steve first protects Bucky with the shield and then Bucky protects Steve with the shied. 

Obviously, we know what happens next. After Bucky falls, Steve ends up at the same bar they were at a few months ago when he recruited the Howling Commandos. (As a side note, of all the depressing things that happen to him, Steve looks saddest at Bucky’s death)

Peggy tries to console Steve by telling him that Bucky chose to follow him and that he should respect his choice and to honor his death (side note: this scene was supposed to be Steve and Phillips originally which may be why it seems a bit callous). 

Steve also comments here that he “won’t stop until all of Hydra is dead or captured”. This is very far from where he was before Bucky’s death when his thing wasn’t revenge but just to do the right thing. Bucky’s death makes his fight personal, it’s what makes him become and Avenger.

Bucky was the reason Steve wanted to specifically join the 107th, Bucky was the reason Steve went from a chorus girl to  Captain America, and Bucky was the reason Steve’s fight became personal and what made him into an Avenger. 

Bucky is the catalyst behind Steve’s biggest character developments in the movie and Bucky and Steve’s relationship is the main emotional and humanizing aspect in this and the rest of the Captain America movies. While its not necessarily or explicitly romantic, it can certainly be interpreted that way (and it makes sense why so many people have).

That’s all for this movie, I guess. I’m just going to leave this here, take from it what you will. 

[lucywrites02]

While I breathe, I hope

Masterlist

Request: could I possibly request a Loki x reader with prompt 18 where the reader is being tortured and Loki has to watch

Prompt: 18. "Please, get us out of here!"

A/N: To the anon who requested this story: I’m so sorry it took me so long! I have had a terrible writer’s block for some time.

Pairing: Loki x Reader (gender neutral)

Loki’s pronouns: he/they

Word count:  2876

Warnings: ANGST, TORTURE, DEATH

Summary: You were sent on a mission with Loki as your partner but things didn’t go as planned. 

Tag list:  @twhiddlestonsstuff @dreamingyouth @xladyxfatex​

Loki stared at Steve while the man was trying to explain the details of the upcoming mission. For everyone else it might look as if he was actually listening but the god’s attention was focused on you. It was going to be your very first time raiding a hydra base. You usually stayed in the quinjet but this one was big and Steve explained that your help would be very needed. Loki did not like that idea. Not because you weren’t capable, that wasn’t the case. You trained with Thor every Friday and managed to beat him up every time. You were almost as good with knives as Bucky and you even surprised Natasha with your hacking skills. You were more than capable. At least he hoped you were.

“If no one has any questions I would suggest we end the meeting and meet in the hangar in 30 minutes” Captain America announced, looking around at his teammates. Loki knew Steven would go through the entire plan once more in the quinjet so he didn’t bother asking about the details. 

Loki waited until everyone else left the room, hoping he could talk to you about the mission. Or more specifically, talk you out of it. He stood up and opened the door for you. You gave him a grateful smile and walked down the hallway with Loki by your side. Usually you two would make fun of something Tony said during the meeting but this time you were really quiet. The trickster wasn’t sure how they should start the conversation.

“How are you feeling before this mission?” the god finally spoke

“Nervous,” you stated “but I’m glad we’re partners during this one. It eases my anxiety a bit.” yeah, maybe Loki should have listened to Steve this time

“Actually,” the brunette continued awkwardly “I don’t think you should go” Loki went straight to the point. They thought it was the right thing to say, no sugarcoating.

“Oh, it’s” you slowed down a bit but kept walking “If you want to switch partners that’s fine with me, you know I won-” 

“No, I think you shouldn’t take part in this mission at all,” Loki stated. You stopped in your tracks and looked at him with confusion. “I don’t believe you’re ready for something this big. You will only injure yourself. Or worse”   You hoped your friend would be happy for you. You have wanted to take part in a mission like that since you joined the team two years ago and you were really excited for it. It hurt you when he said he didn’t want you there. Ok, he didn’t SAY he didn't want you there but you interpreted it that way. Sadness quickly turned into anger. 

“I hoped you would be happy about me being there,” you said and Loki could hear the disappointment in your voice “and I don’t care if you think of me as some secondary agent who you sometimes talk to.” Loki wanted to explain why he needed you to stay but he had a feeling he would only dig his grave deeper. “I’m going and if you despide my presence so much I will tell Steve to give me another partner.” you walked past him and headed to the gym to clear your mind and punch some bags. You probably shouldn’t do it right before the mission but who cared anyways.

Loki sat at the table in the kitchen and smacked his head. It wasn’t their intention to hurt your feelings! They were just trying to protect you, right? At least that’s what he told himself

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“That isn’t going as planned” Loki said as more agents started shooting at the two of you

“No shit Sherlock!” you rolled your eyes in annoyance. Loki tried to talk you out of this mission which resulted in a fight between you two.

“You should have stayed behind.” they announced and killed some men with a blast of energy. “You are useless here. I can do it alone” 

That was the last straw. 

“You won, happy?” you started walking back to the jet not even looking back at him. Loki knew you would find your way safely. He made sure there were no agents left behind who could hurt you. 

He was so focused on your safety he forgot about himself. You were out of his sight when something hit his head and everything went black.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Loki opened his eyes and winced in pain. This guy hit his head pretty hard. He quickly noticed that their hands were handcuffed to the chair they were sitting on. Stupid mortals, he thought, no restrains can stop a god. Loki tried to conjure a knife but nothing happened. Energy blast? Nothing. They then attempted to break free using their strength but nothing happened…..

“And what do we have here?” someone said, entering the room Loki was in “Isn’t that the god of lies himself?” the trickster rolled his eyes. He knew he would get out of this room sooner or later and kill this man. “Where are my manners? My name is agent Chris Walters and we are going to talk for a while.” the man stated and leaned on the mirror in front of the god.

“There is nothing you could do to me that will make me talk” Loki said, looking at the agent whose name he has already forgotten.

“I hoped you would say that” the man smirked and clicked one of the buttons on the wall. He pointed at the mirror to get Loki’s attention. When god’s eyes noticed who the person on the other side was, his heart stopped. He didn’t see his reflection this time “Besides, “ the agent continued “I have never said we will do anything to you” Loki didn’t let anyone in the room know but he was terrified. You weren’t supposed to be here. He saw you going back to the jet so what in the hell were you doing here?! But you were unconscious. Did they kidnap you? Did you come back for him?

“So you are going to show me how you torture somebody else?” Loki sassed “Oh yes, I’m already confessing!”

“Stop playing, Odinson. We all know how much you cherish their company” Walters continued “You see, we have been watching you and the avengers for a while now” the man took a step forward “and my people have noticed how close you two are. Now, where’s the data?” the agent asked

“I don’t know where it is,” the trickster said. At the same time you woke up confused and terrified, not knowing where they took you when something shocked you. You felt your heart beating painfully fast in your ribcage. Looking around you figured you were i some sort of interrogation, or torture, room. There was a mirror in front of you and you knew that someone was behind it. 

Walters signed and took a remote which was laying on the stool next to him in his hands and clicked a button. As he did it Loki heard a scream coming from the other side of the room. Your scream. 

You then tried to figure out what exactly happened to you and you noticed a small device on your chest. Your eyes looked with Loki’s but you had no idea he was there. 

“I don’t know where the data is!” Loki repeated and the agent hit the button again. You could feel the pain in your every muscle and you feared your heart would give up because of the electric shock you received. When it was over you tried to catch your breath and panted heavily. If your hands weren’t tied up to the chair you were sitting on you would collapse on the floor. 

“They have nothing to do with this and I don’t know who has the memory stick!” the god panicked. He knew the agent wouldn't believe him. It was almost as if he knew Loki didn't have it and was doing all this for his own entertainment. The trickster had to come up with a plan and they had to do it quickly. 

The man stared at him with cold eyes and clicked another button. You yelled and Loki felt tears gathering in his eyes. He struggled with the handcuffs but they wouldn’t break. 

You weren’t sure if it was just your imagination or if your vision went blurry. What you knew for sure was that your muscles were going to explode any second now. You couldn’t breathe properly anymore. I’m  going to die here, you thought. You felt something wet on your cheeks but couldn't remember when you started crying.

When the god noticed it he panicked and flexed his muscles as hard as he could to break the chains. But nothing was working. The god was helpless. The realisation hit him like a train. You were going to suffer, maybe die, because of him. And they could do nothing about it. A single tear escaped Loki's eye and he shook his head in denial.

“Stop it!” he begged

The agent put on a sinister smile and your muscles spasmed again. You didn’t make a sound this time. You weren’t able to do that anymore. There was an uncomfortable ringing in your ears and your limbs were tingling. It wasn’t a good sign.

“STOP IT” Loki cried “I WILL GET IT FOR YOU JUST STOP IT”  he begged as more tears were falling down his face.

Your chest couldn’t stop burning and you were feeling weaker with every passing second. At some point your mind started to torture you as well because you could have sworn you heard Loki’s voice. You were never going to see him, were you? You would never tell him how much he meant to you. You would never be able to feel their lips on yours. You would never tell the trickster you loved him. Because that’s what it was, right? Love…. If only you could have realised it sooner… You were slowly losing your consciousness and this time you didn’t fight it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Loki noticed you weren’t moving anymore he felt an unspeakable rage within him. It couldn't end like that. He was going to kill that whatever was his name agent, save you and get his head out of his ass and fucking confess his love to you. Exactly in that order. He prayed to the norns that this would work. If he couldn't break the chains he would break the chair. 

“Ugh,” the agent looked at your form with disgust “That went too quickly for my liking” That comment was the last straw for Loki. He felt so much power inside him he thought he would burst out. The green light filled the room breaking the chair, the window and Loki’s handcuffs. The trickster was surprised at this sudden outburst of power but they definitely didn’t mind. They conjured a dagger and threw it at the confused agent, tearing his artery in the process. The god didn’t even look at the dying man, he was focused only on you. 

He took the now broken chair  and threw it on the mirror to shatter it completely. Small pieces of glass flew in every direction, injuring Loki as they cut his cheek. The  trickster jumped to the other side not even noticing how some pieces wounded his arms and hands. They ran to you and gently took your face in their hands.

“Hey,” Loki called you, patting your cheek to wake you up “Open your eyes, love. It’s over. It’s ok now” 

Hearing someone’s voice you opened your eyes but your vision was still blurry “Please get us out of here!” was all you said before losing your consciousness again. 

Loki quickly freed you out by breaking the chains you were in and picked you up. They kicked the door open and sprinted down the hall. Unfortunately, Loki’s outburst of power alarmed other hydra agents who were blocking the exit. The god was about to jump into action again when suddenly Hulk appeared killing the bad guys immediately. And even though Loki feared him, they were happy to see the green creature this time. The trickster wasn’t planning on staying in the same room with him so they left with you in their arms hoping they would find the quinjet and get you to safety. 

He noticed Iron Man and the Captain fighting some people. He was so relieved to see them.

“ANTHONY!” he shouted to get the billionaire's attention. Thanks to the norns Tony saw him.

 “What happened?” he asked upon noticing your unconscious body.

“We- we split up a-and then they attacked us,” Loki mumbled “they hurt Y/N, we need to get them somewhere safe” 

Tony nodded and looked around “I have your back,” he said “The quinjet is not so far away and those damned agents are multiplying like fucking rabbits” Loki didn’t need to be told twice. He held your body closer to his and headed in the direction Tony pointed at. 

He got there very fast and  gently laid you on the ground. No one else was there to help so Loki decided to patch you up themselves. Looking for any major injuries the god noticed a small device on your chest. He didn’t think what could happen when he took it out. Your body spasmed one more time and your heart stopped beating. But Loki didn’t know. They took you by your shoulders and shook gently to wake you up but there was no response. 

“You’re ok, “ he whispered “you’re safe. Wake up, please wake up” he stopped his movements and waited but nothing happened. And then he realised. You weren’t breathing. He panicked and shook you again, thinking it would help somehow “No, no, please don’t do this to me!” he cried “You can’t leave me! Ple- Please.. Wake up. I-I love you, please….”  he was so coughed up in this moment he didn’t notice when Tony pulled him away from your body.

“JARVIS start resuscitation!”  Tony commanded. A small robot attached itself to your chest and sent the first impulse. 

“No pulse detected” JARVIS announced

“Again!” Iron Man said. Loki couldn’t move. They just watched your lifeless body with hundreds of thoughts running through his mind. It was all his fault. The bot sent sent another impulse.

“No pulse detected”

“Dubble up the power and do it again, damnit!” Now Tony was panicking, too. Steven and Natasha were there too. The god had no idea when they got there. But did it really matter? You were dying and he could do nothing about it. The tears streamed down his face again when the bot repeated the sentence again.

“A-again, do it again” Tony was crying now, too. Loki couldn’t bear to see it. If you died he would lose his own will to live. You were his light, his happiness. The god hasn’t used his magic to heal people in so long but they had to at least try. They crawled to you and put one of his hands on your chest. The other one gently caressed your cheek. 

Tony stood up and took a step back to give Loki space. The green light slowly escaped his palms and embraced your body. The trickster hoped it would work. But the more power he used the weaker he felt. 

Suddenly the bot spoke again announcing that your heart started beating again. Loki exhaled heavily and almost collapsed from exhaustion. He looked up and realised that everyone was here. They all seemed to calm down after JARVIS said you were alive but they could still feel the tension in the air. 

You gasped loudly and Loki’s attention was on you again. You looked around you and noticed how everybody was standing over you not saying a word. Your eyes wandered to the left and met with Loki’s. He had a sad smile on his face which was stained with tears. The god embraced you tightly and kissed your head. You started to slowly remember what happened. 

“I’m so sorry” Loki whispered into your ear and you put your hands around him. He sounded different. Sad and hurt “I love you so much” he said. You pulled away and cupped his face. 

Tony figured out what was happening and motioned everyone to leave for a moment to give the two of you some space. 

“And I’m so sorry.” he continued “For what I said earlier. I-I wanted to protect you but it-”  

“I know, Loki” you interrupted him “I know you meant well” he could argue with you about it later but now the only thing that mattered was you being alive.

“I love you” the god repeated quietly. 

“I love you, too” you reassured him and leaned in to kiss him. Loki’s lips brushed yours until he finally gave in and pulled your body closer to his. You gasped and got so lost in the kiss you forgot about everything bad that has happened today. Loki gently bit your bottom lip as if he was asking you for more. You deepened the kiss and put your hands around his neck and in that moment everything was better.

[peterbarnes]

Past Love

Summary: Set somewhat during TFAWTS time, but doesn’t address the plot. Y/N and Bucky talk about his relationship with Steve months after he goes back to the 50s.

Warnings: heartbreak galore, angst but also fluff, sad!bucky

Word Count: 1.4k

A/N: my first fic in a few years, let me know what you think in the comments

“Baby, I’m home!” Y/N calls into her apartment as she closes the wooden door behind her. She makes her way over to the kitchen counter a few feet away, dropping the house keys she holds onto the marble.

She looks around the room, furrowing her eyebrows at the absence of her boyfriend. She usually comes home to a “hi, dollface” from Bucky, as he cups her soft cheeks into his rough hands and smothers her with kisses.

Instead, she’s greeted with silence all except for faded labored breaths. She steps deeper into the apartment, towards her bedroom, and the sound gets louder. Curious, but still cautious, Y/N reaches her bedroom door, the floorboards creaking under her. At that sound, the breaths stop and the air stills.

She pushes the door open carefully to find Bucky at the foot of their shared bed, head in his hands as his fingers grip his dark locks with a fierce tightness. Y/N lets out a sigh of relief now knowing that the noise was just Bucky, but quickly rushes over to him.

“Buck? Lovie?” She whispers as she crouches in front of him. She gently removes his fingers from his hair before he can pull it out. With his hands out of the way, she can finally see his face. His default expression is a frown, with his startling cerulean eyes always seeming haunted, but this time was different. There was none of the anger or guilt that his expressions usually wore, just an intense sadness that startled Y/N to her core.

“What happened?” She asked softly.

Bucky shakes his head before lowering his eyes to the floor, refusing to meet her gaze.

“Sweetheart…” She lifts his chin, rubbing her thumb along his rough and stubbly skin. Now she can really see the tears in his eyes as he desperately tries to hold them back. But it doesn’t work and soon they come flowing down his cheeks. He could fill rivers with the amount of tears he’s cried over the past century.

“Sorry, I-I just-“ his voice broke before he could finish the sentence. So instead he pointed to a worn brown leather book that sat on the bedside table. Y/N recognized it as one of Bucky’s many photo albums from the 40s. She walked over the table and carefully picked up before taking a seat next to her boyfriend on the bed.

“Do you miss it, is that what upsets you? Kind of like being homesick?” She says as she flips through the book. There were pages upon pages of photos of Bucky. And in each and everyone one, he was smiling. Really smiling. She wished she could reach into them and tell his past self to be strong, to be brave for everything he’d have to face soon. The thought nearly ripped her heart in two, so she couldn’t imagine how Bucky must’ve felt seeing these again. She tried to interpret his pain, but at the end of the day there was so much of it and it was so specific to his experiences that she felt like a fool for even trying.

“I miss him.”

There it was. The weight Bucky carried on his shoulders every day. The fact that his best friend abandoned him for another life- a life far away from him. Y/N placed the book beside her and wrapped her arms around him, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek.

“I know. I know how much you cared about him, he was your best friend.”

Bucky furrowed his eyebrows and scrunched up the rest of his face, making it more tense than it already was. He did this a lot in social settings, she noticed, when he was uncomfortable with the direction of a conversation. So she pressed her fingers lightly against his forehead, trying to smooth out the stress lines.

“What is it?” She says gently. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I want to help you.”

Bucky’s eyes are trained on his fingers as they fidget on his lap. “I-I’ve been talking with Dr. Raynor. She thinks that I, maybe, had some romantic feelings for him.”

He draws out the last part slowly in a soft, broken voice before dragging his eyes up to meet hers. He’s afraid of what might meet him- rejection, disgust, shame. He’s no stranger to those type of expressions, he gets them all the time. But not from Y/N, instead she wears a soft smile.

“And how do you feel about it?”

“I...I think she’s right.”

Y/N nods before taking his hands in hers and signaling for him to continue.

“I didn’t enlist like everyone thinks I did- I was drafted. I was gonna stay home with Steve, because he couldn’t go. No matter how much I wanted to be like my father and join the army, I couldn’t leave him behind. It was like I couldn’t even imagine being separated from him.”

Bucky spoke fast, as if he’d been holding this all back for so long and was ready to just burst at the seams.

“And when I was...him, I would have flashbacks to my old life. I didn’t know what they meant, I thought they were dreams, but they were always of him. Of his smile or something kind he did for a stranger. I don’t remember the details, just-just the feeling I got from it. It wasn’t that different from how I feel about you now. He was the only one who could bring me back. Make me Bucky again..” He took a brief pause. “And he left. Because he loved another woman the same way I loved him.”

Suddenly all that relief Bucky initially had at getting all of these thoughts off his chest faded as he realized the weight of his words.

“I loved him...and he left me.”

Y/N never knew Steve Rogers, she met Bucky after he had already left. And, sure, she saw him on TV like everybody else in the world. He was Captain America, she was supposed to love him and idolize him, but in that moment she never wanted to throttle someone more.

Y/N hates that Bucky is in such pain all the time, and she would do anything to take away even the smallest amount of it. So to know that someone willingly chose to add to it, even if it wasn’t their intention filled her with a protective rage she didn’t know she possessed.

But she couldn’t act on that. Steve was gone and Bucky didn’t need her anger, he needed her comfort. So she tightened her arms around him, allowing him to bury his head into the crook of her neck and grip onto her for dear life.

“There’s nothing worse than heartbreak- I’ve had my fair share of it before I met you. The thought of someone not choosing you is the worst feeling in the world. But you can’t let that shut you down.” She slowly lifted his head from her neck so she could look him in the eyes. “There are other people that love you, and we will always choose you first. Me, Sam, hell, even Torres loves you even though you scare the shit out of him.”

Bucky chuckled, the corners of his mouth lifting slightly as he rubbed the tears from his eyes.

“I know I could never replace Steve, and I don’t want to. What you and him had can never be replicated. But I swear I will show you every goddamn day how loved and cherished you are. You deserve all the happiness in the world, Bucky, I love you.”

The tears started to flow from his eyes again, but this time it wasn’t out of longing or sadness. It was out of a love that was so all-consuming Bucky didn’t even know how to process it.

“You know, Dr. Raynor said she thought I was still in love with him. And, I’ll always love him, of course I will. But I’m not in love with him. Not the way I am with you, doll”

His rare but infectious smile lit up his face and Y/N couldn’t help but mirror it before pressing tiny kisses to his cheeks, wiping his dried tears away.

“I think I’m gonna be okay,” Bucky states.

His voice doesn’t waver, instead it stands firm and holds a confidence reminiscent of a side of him he thought was long lost. And for the first time in decades, Bucky really believes it. With Y/N by his side, he’s going to be just fine.

[millers-planet]

The Vice and the Virtue - Part Two

Pairing: Helmut Zemo x GN!Reader (later established as F following more parts)

A/N: this isn’t my best work. i don’t entirely know where to take this series, ngl.

POV: Reader

Warnings: Fluff. Use of “Y/N”. Angst. Brief desc of gore.

Words: 2.1k

Description: How does one live a life of virtue when past vices begin arising after a successful jailbreak with untied ends?

part one

“Are you serious?” I can’t believe he’s doing this. The second he gets back, too. It makes me question the real value of me to him, if my presence is of any substantial worth. I know that he thinks higher of me, but right now I’m having a hard time believing that.

He sighed and looks back to me, away from him new buddies, “you know why I have to go. I already explained this.” By this point, he’s talking to me as if I am a child, and I am having none of it. 

“I know why you’re going and I get that, it’s not what I have a problem with. You aren’t letting me come with you.” I tried to take a step to him, but he backed away, really emphasizing my doubt. “Fine. You left once and didn’t come back for 5 plus years, I’m sorry I don’t want to sit here and wonder when you’re gonna be back again or wonder if I’m going to have to finally move on.” I really didn’t want to have to pull this card, especially in front of his friends, but I will be damned before he walks out that door without me. 

Zemo dropped his bags and closed the gap between us, putting his hands on cheeks, knowing it comforts me. “You’re right,” his voice got softer and more warm, “I didn’t think of it that way when I probably should of. I was only wrapped up in the possibility of you getting hurt.” He placed a small kiss on my forehead and nodded towards out bedroom, “you should go pack, and quickly.”

With a furrow of my eyebrows and pushing my lips into a frown, I snarkily replied, “you do realize I was listening to your conversations last night? I already have a bag packed.” With a quick rush, I grabbed my bag that was resting on the edge of the bed. 

As everyone was checking their rooms to make sure they grabbed everything, or clarifying one thing or another, Bucky walked up to me. “If you want, I can carry your bag for you, you keep adjusting your shoulder strap.” 

With a small smile, I handed him my bag. “Thank you, I really appreciate that.” For some reason, I was thinking previously that Bucky was a middle ground of Zemo and Sam, sarcastic and a little cold, but he seems really sweet. It makes me think that chivalry isn’t completely dead.

Taking a seat next to Zemo on the plane, with Bucky and Sam sitting across from us, the deafening engines began, only muffled as the door sealed itself shut. I don’t remember the last time I was on a plane, let alone on one with him. We used to go quite often on little vacations, dates, or getaways, but stopped once he got busy with ‘work’. Either way, it was nice to be back on one with him, despite the circumstances.

Sam and Bucky looked very uncomfortable, taken aback when people came and served us nearly whatever we wanted. Bucky gave me worried glances when people came up to him and asked him strange questions, to which I helped him out. Zemo and I, on the complete opposite spectrum, got right at home. 

A watched him pull out a small book inside another, one that I didn’t recognize. “I’m fascinated by this, I don’t know what to call it but this part seems to be important. Who is... Nakajima?” Before I could question anything, everything switched around. Sam was reaching out, Bucky was lashing forward, and Zemo had a hand around his throat. 

With a small mumble, Bucky spoke, “if you touch that again I’ll kill you,” and returned swiftly to his seat. Everything fell quiet and tense, with Zemo glaring at Bucky and him staring at the window, plus Sam just eyeing the two of them. I pulled my knees up to my chest and tried to ignore the rest of the conversation.

All I heard were conversations about Steve, ice, and writing stuff down in the notebook. 

“I like 40′s music.” Bucky’s voice was irritated and drained of emotion.

That was, until, I chimed in with “what do you think about Sinatra?”

Bucky shrugged, “A little past my time. I was too busy being brainwashed to really get into him. Have you listened to anything by Nat King Cole?”

I instantly lit up, it was so nice being able to talk to someone about something light-hearted. “Only a few songs, but they were really good.”

“So, you didn’t like Marvin Gaye?”

“I liked it, Sam.” Bucky just responded emptily back to him

“It’s a masterpiece, James-” Zemo began shortly, until I interrupted

“-It’s complete, comprehensive. It captures the African-American experience.”

Same looked a the two of us. “He’s out of line, and she’s just smart, but they’re both right. Everybody loves Marvin Gaye.”

Bucky kept the dead tone, “I already said I liked Marvin Gaye.”

“Steve adored Marvin Gaye.”

From there, the three of them went on about Steve. I knew brief things about him but I was never caught up in the superhero world. All I understood was that his name was Steve Rogers and that he is Captain America, a super soldier, who was besties with Sam and Bucky.  Other than that, I didn’t really care about this Steve guy or the Avengers in general, it doesn’t sit right with me knowing the conflicts Zemo has had with them.

It was slightly cool out with the rain just about to pass through, along with the open bridge and river allowing for more cool air to travel. Changing out of a t-shirt and jeans into a thin-ass top with matching black thin-ass leggings made the air seem ten times as cold. 

I walked in between Sam and Zemo, wrapped up in his heavy coat and arm loosely wrapped around my waist. “Only an American would think a fashion-forward Black man looks like a pimp, you’re fitting in nicely with your alias,” Zemo’s hand dropped from me and handed his phone to Sam. “A sophisticated man nicknamed the Smiling Tiger.”

Sam just sighed. “He even has a bad nickname. But,” he looked closer at the phone, “he sure does look like me.” Zemo took the phone back and returned his arm around me. “Is that acid?”

“Madripoor.” His voice became clearer and dropped. “Whatever you do, we must stay in character, there is no margin for error, our lives depend on it. Over there is High Town, not a bad place if you want to visit. Low Town is the other way.”

“Let me guess, we don’t have any friends in High Town?” 

I stopped dead in my track as the car came forward. “Oh you have got to be kidding me.” Everyone turned to stare at me. “Look at that car, who the hell is sitting in the middle of the backseat, I know for damn sure it isn’t me.” I walked forward and sat in one of the window seats in the back as Zemo chuckled and got in the front.

Sam and Bucky exchanged nervous glances, until they began shoving each other like from the other day. As the back door opened, I raised my voice to them, “HEY! If you guys want to fight over middle seat, play rock, paper, scissors. I’m not gonna deal with the two of you bickering the whole time. Best out of three, on ‘shoot’.”

They mumbled the saying each time. First, Sam won. Second, Bucky. Third, Bucky again.

Sam groaned like a child, “Man! I hate this.”

I was hyper-aware of everything going on. Specifically, how many people were staring at me. It was just me with three other men going into a bar full of other men and few women. It’s suffice to say I was uncomfortable, especially since Zemo took his jacket back, so I couldn’t hide away into it. But the quiet mumbles of “is that the Winter Soldier?” put my mind slightly at ease.

The bartender looked taken aback by Sam’s approach. “I wasn’t expecting you, Smiling Tiger.”

Zemo entered quickly, “his plans changed. We have business to do... with Selby.”

“The usual?” Sam replied with a small nod, only to regret it--in his eyes--once everyone saw the eel come out. I had to cover my hands with my mouth to not gag as he took the shot, only for a disapproving look to follow from the bartender.

A hand was place on my shoulder and I instinctively turned around, Zemo following quickly. It was some strange man, “got word from on high, you ain’t welcome here.

“I have no business with the Power Broker. But, if he insists, he can come talk to me or...” he motion to Bucky, “bring Selby for a chat.” The man then took that as his cue to leave.

I turned around, back to the bar, and pushed myself closer to Zemo. “When can we get out of here? When can we meet Selby?”

“Soon,” he muttered, until a hand was placed on his shoulder this time, leading to a glance back to Bucky and a command in Russian.

Buckys metal hand met the stranger, throwing him into the ground. Other followed to him quickly, but the ‘Winter Soldier’ took them out without drop of sweat. Following a broken table and someone being kicked into it, another guy walked up next to us, which seemed like a problem until Zemo pushed him to Bucky, who took care of him. His metal arm wrapped around the throat of another, pushing him into the bar, the sound of guns cocking filling the silence.

“Selby will see you now.”

“You’re taller than I heard, Smiling Tiger,” Selby  slowly raised her eyes up to Sam, who kept his face stiff and only spared her a look for a second. She rolled her tongue and focused herself onto me, as I stood behind Zemo’s chair. “You, I don’t think I’ve seen or heard of you. Come here! Take a seat,” she patted the oddly patterned couch as smiled crookedly up at me. As soon as I sat down she pulled me close and let my hair fall into her hand, “I don’t know how he got you to on his hip, what does he pay you?” Her voice was just a loud enough whisper to let everyone interpret, intentionally.

Zemo cleared his throat and stood up, “perhaps we should get back to the deal. I will give you the Winter Soldier,” he motioned to Bucky who kept his face straight, “along with the words to operate him, of course. Only, if you give me information I desire.”

She laughed and let me go, “that’s the Zemo I remember, you were right to come to me. Arrogant, but right.” Selby shifted more to him and let her head fall into her hand. “The serum is in Madripoor, with Doctor Nagel you can thank or condemn. He was making it for the Power Broker until things didn’t go as planned.”

“Is Nagel still in Madripoor?” 

“Aww,” she stood up and slowly inched her way toward Zemo. “The bread crumbs you can have for free but the bakery is going to cost you, Baron. And don’t think you can find Nagel without me, either.” Selby opened her mouth to speak, until a phone buzzing interrupted her.

Everyone’s face dropped, except for Selby, who’s lit up with excitement. “Go on, answer it... on speaker.” Zemo’s eyes met mine, when he carefully mouthed, “it’ll be fine.”

“Hello?” Sam forced himself cool, maintaining a flat voice.

“Hey so this situation has got me thinking, about the boat and the bank.” It was a feminine voice on the other end of the phone.

“Ah, the bank.. we laundered so much money.” He glanced around and was clearly anxious by this point. “Yeah, they’ll come around.”

“If that was the case, then why’d they dog you out Big Time?” Sam’s face dropped to the cool look again, realizing the other person caught onto the gig, until the phone erupted with, “hey! What did I say about those Cheerios? Sam, I’ll call you back.”

Selby furrowed her eyebrows together and glanced around the room. “Who is Sam? Kill them-” her sentence ended as a bullet puncture through her and body collapsed on the floor. The two standing men were taken out by Bucky and Sam, as Zemo ran to me. 

My hand flew over my mouth as I stared at the body. “Is she? She was just-” I quickly started hyperventilating, it was so sudden and I’ve never watched someone die before. “Zemo, she’s dead, oh my god.”

He pulled me into his chest and stood me up, hold me tightly and leading us toward the door. “It will be alright, just focus on me.” He stopped and looked around the room, trying to figure out the plan. “Leave your weapons and follow my lead, we have a real problem now.”

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