#no wonder s8 is so bad

[kerryweaverlesbian]

(Inspired by @pollsnatural poll). No season 4 because that's during the enemies part of their enemies to besties (to lovers?) arc. And let me know your reasoning and/or miserable Cas dies at Dean's hand scenarios lmao.

[camellcat]

every day I wish I started moffat's run without looking online first and absorbing all the hate he gets bc I do not know what is my opinion that I would've came to on my own and what I've simply seen others say that stuck with me and clouded my perception going in

[ohmerricat]

the main mistake that people who dislike s8 and put it low in their series rankings make is the belief that, like any other series (apart from s9), it’s a collection of standalone stories tied together by some vague throughline i.e. missy’s ‘heaven’. “oh, this episode’s mid, that episode’s bad” meanwhile it’s not about individual episodes at all. i firmly believe that it should be viewed as a singular long serial.

so grateful that i was extremely late to the party and binged it all in a week instead of watching every episode as they were airing, because sometimes the plots barely matter at all. do you remember what the skovox blitzer actually looks like or what it wanted with coal hill in the first place? hardly. i had to google its name. but what you do remember from the caretaker is twelve acting like an antagonistic prick towards danny, and that’s what matters. almost every villainous entity is some kind of soldier, the contempt twelve shows to everybody but clara becomes the source of their toxicity… in the forest of the night is pretty obviously rubbish scifi, but it demonstrates danny’s fundamental incompatibility with clara, as well as the scene in which clara is ready to sacrifice herself and her students for the doctor’s sake, foreshadowing their reckless, almost suicidal codependency.

point is, but it really does work best as a tightly woven tapestry. sure, some episodes succeed individually, but most of the individual plots are mildly exciting only in a ‘this is fun to watch for kids’ way… UNLESS you approach them from the overarching perspective. i.e. mummy on the orient express has wonderful style, a thrilling mystery, creative concepts and interesting side characters, but its story appeal hinges on the twelveclara failed breakup. listen is frightening enough, but its entire story appeal hinges on just how much clara affects the doctor’s values past and present, and whether or not she has a future with danny (she doesn’t).

what i’m saying is, the narrative in s8 is a non-negotiable package deal. buy one, get them all. and it has no skips. i hate the idiotic pro-life message in kill the moon as much as the next sensible person, but what the episode does well is really hammer home how much of a sanctimonious asshole twelve initially is, which is crucial to his future character evolution.

tldr; the correct way to watch series 8 is all in one go. series 8 is great. more love for series 8

[sweatervest-obsessed]

Dedicated To New Lovers

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader (she/her pronouns)

WC: ~5.5k

TW: Murder, Angst, Character Death, guns, violence, blood, swearing, depression, mentions of disordered eating, mentions of insomnia, self-deprecating thoughts, loneliness, heartbreak, Mentions of Emily's death, the grieving process, drinking, screaming, crying, sobbing, throwing up, being under pressure

A/N: This is based on s8 ep12, Zugzwang. It deviates slightly but still makes Spencer sob so it could basically be canon. Obviously, or maybe not to some people, this fic is based off of Night Shift by Lucy Dacus. It's been my obsession for the past couple weeks and I simply just had to write something for it. Now my one issue is, besides me ignoring editing it, is that I hate when things don't end happily, but I'm breaking out of the mold of everything ending with a nice neat little bow, so please enjoy! (well as much as you can for such a depressing fic lmao).

"Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life alone ---We find it with another." ~Thomas Merton.

“Thank you for such a wonderful night.” You murmured, pulling away from the kiss, hands on their chest. “I really enjoyed it Spe—”, you coughed and blinked a couple of times, catching yourself. “Especially,” You clutched your chest, smiling up at them, “Sorry I don’t know where that just came from.” 

The lips you had just kissed had shifted into a concerned smile, but was none the wiser. 

“Especially dessert. I loved the pie place, you were so right! The apple was just perfectly seasoned, and the crust was still crumbly.” You leaned up and kissed their cheek again. 

“I’ll see you again, yeah?” You whispered, before turning around and heading into your apartment building, not waiting for a response, smile falling the second you weren’t looking at them. You buzzed yourself in and quickly walked up the four flights of stairs towards your door.

You fucking hated pie. Well that wasn’t true, but you didn’t really want to spend your evening going and getting pie with someone you really weren’t that into. 

You couldn’t help but wonder why everything was wrong. They were kind, and sweet, and cared so much for you, but it just wasn’t the same. Your heart was just not in the place, and not a single butterfly fluttered around in your stomach, you couldn’t figure out what was wrong with you.

Well that was a lie too. You knew exactly what was wrong. 

“I’m fine, it’s fine.” You mumbled, getting your keys out and unlocking your front door, grabbing the mail off of the mat, and closing the door behind you. 

The boxes stacked precariously around your place just left you feeling more and more destitute on this island of loneliness. God you were so fucking dramatic. You dumped the roses they had given you, and your purse onto the kitchen counter, and went straight for the fridge, grabbing the bottle of Prosecco. The cork popped, and you took a swig straight from the bottle. 

Your phone rang, and you pulled it out of your pocket, sighing and answering it. 

“Hey Em.” 

“Wow, was it that bad of a date?” Emily laughed a little. She had been concerned about you, the whole team had been concerned about you. Her death had hit you and Spencer the hardest. You had become fast friends with Emily, regardless of the fact that when she joined, you were the youngest, and newest on the team as well. The two of you had become fast friends, and even faster sisters. She was your everything. She was there for your father’s death, the start of your relationship with Spencer, the harder cases, the bitching, the girls nights, the everything. But you had run into the warehouse, and saw Derek cradling her hand, screaming for a medic, and you just lost it. Your brain went into overdrive, rendering you useless. When JJ walked into the waiting room and told all of you the news, you sat there, shocked. Spencer had tried to go see her, but you had just excused yourself and walked out to the parking lot. It was devastating. You were allowed back from leave a week later than everyone else because Hotch knew you needed more time. So when she walked back into the round room, alive and well, your barely pieced together mind completely shattered all over again. 

You watched for seven months as Spencer let you grieve alone while running off to JJ’s house for comfort. You had sat alone in your shared apartment becoming more and more of a shell of a person, not really eating, sleeping, or even drinking water; you were barely existing. Five years of a relationship washed away because that first night, instead of comforting each other, Spencer had abandoned you at the hospital, forgetting to even drive you home. Then, when his headaches got, he pulled even further away, only hearing snippets of how he was doing from those on the team who didn’t even live with him. 

The team could only watch as you slowly became a ghost of yourself, while Spencer couldn’t even give a shit to notice. 

The first time he mentioned Maeve to you, it was like a stake in your chest. You had caught him talking to her when you had come back early from the therapy Hotch had almost threatened you at gunpoint to go to. He quickly hung up the phone and mentioned that she was his doctor, helping him with his headaches. But you knew better. You had heard him laughing before you walked into the apartment. You hadn’t heard him laugh since before Emily had “died”. 

Then, one night, he told you it was over.  I don’t love you anymore. 

You just sat there, chest caving in on yourself. 

Since this was my place first, uh…I can give you a couple of weeks to find a place, and I’ll even sleep on the couch…

His words bounced around in your head before Emily said your name. “You disappeared on me.” 

“Shit-uh, shit. Sorry Em.” You shook your head, and pinched your brow. “They were really lovely Em, just the best. But I’m just not ready.” 

Emily sighed, “I know it’s only been four months but I’m proud of you, I really am. For even going out in the first place. Want me to come over, bring a new bottle of prosecco.” 

You laughed, but it had no substance. “How’d you know I was almost out of Prosecco.” 

Emily sighed. “I know you’re a grown woman who can handle living alone, but Sergio and I wouldn’t have minded if you stayed with us for a couple more weeks.”  

“And I know that, and I love you so much for it, but the only way I’m ever going to be able to…” the words got stuck in your throat. “I, um. I had to.” 

Emily sighed, but understood. “Okay, well, if you need anything, I’m a phone call away, or a block away, whichever is faster for you.” 

“Thanks Emily. I’ll see you tomorrow.” And with that you hung up the phone, not wanting to prolong the conversation any more than it had. 

“Fucking Maeve.” You grumbled to the living room before taking another swig from the bottle. You barely slept these days. Your date this past night? The first time you had eaten a full meal in over two weeks. Your skin was a little more gaunt, and the concealer you were using was working overtime to hide the bags under your eyes. You were once someone filled with so much joy, and so much love to give. Everyone knew you were a touchy person, always giving hugs, touching people’s arms, squeezing their hands; if someone tried to touch you now, your whole body would tense up, your stomach would flip. Eventually, after finishing off the bottle, you fell into a restless sleep on the couch of your apartment, since you didn’t want to sleep alone in your own mattress, dreaming about the fact that someone else was probably in the one you bought with Spencer all those years ago when he asked you to live with him.  ------------------------------------------------------------------------

The office went silent as you walked into work the next morning. You were always one to arrive early, make your coffee, visit Penelope in the Bat Cave, stop by Hotch and Rossi’s offices and wish them a good morning. But these days you walked through those glass doors exactly at 9 am, unless you were called in. 

It was masochistic to still work at the BAU, but it was one dream you weren’t going to let Spencer take away from you. But as you walked into the bullpen, and all heads turned towards you with such pitiful looks, you doubted whether you belonged here anymore. 

Before you could place your bag down, Aaron walked over to you and quietly asked if you would come into his office. You obliged, a sinking feeling in your gut, as you followed Hotch, while the eyes of everyone else followed you. 

As Hotch opened the door, you froze. Spencer was sitting on the couch, trying to wipe away the tears in his eyes. He clearly also hadn’t been sleeping, but you knew those tears weren’t for you. You stayed in the doorway until Hotch gestured to one of the chairs along the side of his office. You moved away from the door, but stayed standing, refusing to sit down. Hotch closed the door, trapping you in his office with someone you hadn’t spoken more than necessary to in over four months.

“Do you want to tell me why I'm here.” You asked calmly, trying to ignore the desperate man on the couch, who was just staring down at his feet. 

“I am going to ask you to sit out this case.” Hotch looked at you, not sitting down either, ready to calm down whatever fight you’re about to put up. 

Your eyes narrowed at your section chief and you scoffed. “You better have a seriously good explanation Hotch because as I’ve told you many times before, I’m doing fine. I don’t know what has been said, but I’m perfectly capable at—”

“I asked him if you could sit out.” Spencer’s voice was hoarse, but solid as he looked at you. 

You closed your eyes and flexed one of your hands, resisting the urge to punch him in the teeth.

“Since when do you know what’s best for me, Doctor Reid.” It took all of your control to stay civil and not curse him out in front of your boss. 

“That’s not it.” Spencer licked his lips but he quickly averted his gaze. “T-The case. It’s um. It’s about Maeve and I–” 

Your heart dropped. Bile started to rise in your throat. “oh.” You had never felt so small in your life. Tears were forming in your eyes. “I’ll be right…I—” 

You barely even finished the thought before you opened the door, and quickly walked out of Hotch’s office. No one even tried to pretend that they weren’t watching Hotch’s office. Emily and Derek shot up off of their desks and immediately went to follow you as you sped down the stairs and through the bullpen. Hotch just looked down at his feet while Reid just rubbed his hands over his eyes. 

You shoved through the doors, accidentally bumping into Penelope on the way out, causing her to drop the files and coffee mug in her hand. It shattered on the ground, but you couldn’t stop to apologize. You needed to be in the bathroom before you became the agent who threw up all over the halls because of some stupid broken heart. 

Emily had quickly helped Penelope pick things up, the two exchanging hushed whispers and looks. Derek had apologized to Penelope while he ran past, catching up to you with every stride. You shoved open the door to one of the woman’s rooms, Derek right behind you. 

Luckily for you, it was empty, so you could continue running to the biggest stall, before dropping to your knees and throwing up. It burned your throat and your eyes, stinging every inch of skin as it rose up your throat and into the toilet in front of you. 

Derek had pulled back your hair, and was now sitting down next to you as you dry heaved into the toilet. You only threw up actual substance one more time, but it was just that stupid fucking apple pie and the Prosecco from the night before. There was nothing else in your stomach to throw up, so your body settled for making you gag continuously. 

“Fuck.” You cried into the toilet, letting yourself fully devolve into the mess you were destined to become this morning. 

Derek just rubbed your back, “It’s okay pretty girl, let it all out.” 

“Derek Morgan I think I am the ugliest son of a bitch right now.” You mumbled, reaching up and flushing the contents down the drain, tears still racing down your face. “I can’t fucking—” You tried to breathe in but your body was shutting down. That’s all it seemed to do these days. It felt like the only way to protect yourself anymore. “He–”

“I know.” He whispered softly, offering you some toilet paper to let you wipe off your face, as you leaned back, away from the toilet. 

That’s when the first sob wracked your body. Maybe you weren’t meant to be on this team anymore. Spencer had been here longer. You were only an asset to the team because of your positive attitude which left your body the second Emily Prentiss was pronounced dead in that waiting room. You were the definition of useless. I mean, Derek and Emily were partners, Hotch and Rossi had everything down pat, and Spencer, even when you were dating, was truly partnered with JJ most of the time. You were the odd man out, and you were fucking useless. 

Derek had pulled you into his chest, hugging you as the sobs continued. His heart was breaking for you. No one on the team really knew what had happened that night, all they knew was that you didn’t come in one day, and then when you did the next, you looked like shit. All while Spencer seemed fine. Then, when your desk was moved to the opposite side of the bullpen, it confirmed any and all guesses the profilers had been making. You were never paired with him on cases anymore, and if you were, there was always a third person. You barely looked at one another. Spencer’s scarf had reappeared on his desk one morning, and suddenly you were no longer staying in the same hotel rooms. Derek just kissed your head as you let your body give up. 

He wasn’t stupid. Like everyone else, he had noticed the way you had been losing weight. He had noticed the amount of makeup you had started to wear. He even realized that he hadn’t seen you eat any meals with them in the past couple months while they were out on cases. But what he hadn’t fully realized was the fact that you were dead, inside and out. There was nothing left of you but the barely alive body he was holding. 

Spencer had really gotten a good look at you for the first time in a very long time. He had already felt guilty about the fact that he had Maeve, and that you had broken up he had broken your heart. But what he had failed to realize was the same thing Derek had–You were someone entirely different, a ghost of yourself. The guilt was gnawing through his stomach when he told Hotch what was going on, and he had begged Hotch to let you sit out, trying to save you from this, but clearly Spencer couldn’t do anything right for you anymore, he hadn’t been able to in a very long time. Hotch had cleared his throat while Spencer shook his head. “I-I tried Hotch, I really didn’t want…”

He just nodded at Spencer. “I know Reid, but you must have known there was no way this conversation was going to go any better than that.” 

Reid just nodded, and stood up, going out into the bullpen, not missing the way all of their eyes snapped to him, as Penelope dumped her broken mug into the trash. 

Before anyone could say anything, Hotch walked out of his office and looked at everyone. “As you all could have guessed, Agent Y/L/N will not be joining us on this case. I expect everyone in the conference room in ten.” and with that, Hotch walked past Reid, and down the stairs, out towards where he had assumed you had run off too. 

Spencer just stood on the stairs, watching Hotch walk to you, wishing it could be him to hold you in his arms.

Hotch opened the door to the women’s bathroom, and saw Derek cradling you. As you heard the door open, your body had tensed up and all of your tears had stopped. Derek and Hotch shared a look before Hotch kneeled down. 

“Sorry Aaron.” You mumbled, trying to wipe away the remaining tears on your face. 

“Don't apologize. Take the next couple of days off. Penelope might call and ask you a question or two, if she manages to forgive you for breaking her third favorite coffee mug…” 

You laughed slightly at his joke, trying not to let it cause you to cry even more, wiping away more tears. 

“But I expect you don’t need me to tell you this is an order.” 

You nodded at Hotch while you stood up, Derek quickly following suit. “We’re meeting in ten.” He nodded at Derek, who took the hint. He squeezed your arm, and kissed your head, whispering to call him if you needed anything, before leaving just you and Hotch alone in the bathroom. He held up your purse and gave you a sympathetic smile. 

“I am only a phone call away Y/n. If anything happens, I want to be the first to know.” He nodded at you, only for you to pull him into a hug. Hotch smiled slightly, because you hadn’t really hugged anyone for a while, so he quickly reciprocated before pulling away. “Hotch, can I ask you one more favor?” 

“Anything,” He said softly.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once he had left, You grabbed a paper towel from the dispenser and tried to wipe as much of the mascara track marks off. You eventually just wiped off your whole face of makeup. You stared at yourself, realizing just how fucked you were. Eventually, you had made your way out of the bathroom, and past the bullpen. Everyone was piling into the conference room, but Spencer had stopped to watch you enter the elevator, really looking at you. You made eye contact right as the doors started to close. Spencer’s gut twisted at the forlorn look on your face. But before he could do anything, the doors were closed, you were gone, and his name was called by Hotch. -------------------------------------------------------------------------

According to the updates from Emily and Derek, the case was not going well. You knew very little about it, and you wanted to keep it this way, but you knew this case wasn’t going to end well. You could just tell. 

You had been existing in your own apartment, making frequent trips to Emily’s to keep your favorite cat company. You would go on long walks as the sun set, nowhere truly in mind, just wandering around trying to think about anything else. You would listen to your music, trying to take your mind off of the man who you hadn’t been able to stop thinking about since you first joined the team. It could have been yesterday based on how well you remembered it. 

But instead of wallowing, you tried to at least wallow in public, resolving to minimize the sheer amount of pity parties you had been throwing yourself.

Three days later, you had been walking around aimlessly, just trying to hit your new goal of 10,000 steps a day to start being active again, when your phone rang. You had answered it without a thought in the world since usually it was Derek, Hotch, and Emily on the other end. 

But this time, it was none of them. 

“Hello?” Spencer’s entire body froze once he heard your voice, once he knew that Diane knew who you were. 

“I just want her to see one more thing.” 

“Hello?” You asked again, just about to hang up, thinking it was some sort of prank call when a woman spoke to you. 

“Is this Doctor Y/N Y/L/N?” Maeve looked over at Spencer, confusion and horror in her eyes, while Spencer just stared at the phone, willing for you to hang up. 

“Um, yes? May I ask who this is…” 

“My name is Diane.” 

“Um, okay, Diane. Can I ask why you’re calling me.” You had just walked into your apartment, Spencer could hear the unfamiliar creek of the door as it slammed shut. 

“What do you know about Doctor Maeve Donovan.” 

Your whole body froze. “What?” barely even whispering out your response. 

“What do you know about Maeve.” Her temper exploded, and you just sat there trying to breathe. 

“Wh-what do you want to know about her?” You had taken several courses in negotiation, taught by David Rossi himself, so your training started to kick in, but your panic was fighting strongly against it. You just couldn't bring yourself to say her name.

The team was outside of the building, when Garcia had called and tapped them into the phone call Diane was making. When they heard your voice, all of them froze. This was not what she was supposed to do. How the hell did she even know about you? 

“I want you to tell me about how she ruined your life.”

Spencer tried to speak but Diane pointed the gun at Maeve, making him go silent. Maeve had started silently crying, unable to believe this is what her life had become. 

“I–, You want me to tell you about some woman I have never met?”

“Yes yes yes. Why won’t any of you fucking listen.” You recieved a text on your watch, from Hotch, briefing you on the fact that Diane had both Spencer and Maeve hostage in the warehouse she was calling from.

You took a shaky inhale before biting your lips. “I want to know that they’re both okay Diane. I need to hear both Spencer and M..Maeve speak.” God this was so fucking hard, it hurt so fucking badly.

Diane rolled her eyes before nodding at Maeve. “H-hi.” She whispered. “I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t—” she was cut off but the barrel of the gun pushed against her head. 

All you could do was clutch your fist while she spoke, because you realized you couldn’t be angry at her for falling in love with Spencer, because you had too. 

“And Spencer?” Your voice cracked out, desperate to hear his voice. 

“Go on Spencer. Tell her you’ve been okay without her.” 

Spencer winced and spoke up, dying for you to just hang up the phone. “I’m here Y/N.” 

The way he said your name made you want to curl up into a ball and die, but it wasn’t good enough for Diane. 

“Not good enough Spencer. Tell her how you ruined her life. She deserves to hear it from you since you broke her just like you broke me for loving the ONE WOMAN I DESERVED TO BE LOVED BY.” 

Spencer heard the sharp intake of your breath. He could hear you trying not to cry. After everything, he never wanted to hurt you, but clearly he had fucked himself over and over with every single decision he made. He knew you knew he was playing along with her fantasy, but he knew that you hearing these words would ruin your life more than any gunshot would. 

“Tell me Spencer.” You breathed out, knowing if he continued to play along, maybe he could make it out of this alive, regardless of everything that had gone on between the two of you. 

“Please.” Spencer turned to Diane. “She has nothing to do with this, let her hang up the ph–”

“If she hangs up, I shoot Maeve and let you watch as she dies.” 

And there it was. There was a small, awful part of you that wanted to hang up the phone right then and there. Let him suffer and feel the pain you had been feeling for months and months. Your silence was enough to let Spencer know you were struggling, which hurt him even more because that same small part of him knew he deserved it, forgiveness for you and all. 

The team listened to the silence, some of them waiting for the dial tone, others grieving the shit you put yourself through just for someone who didn't love you anymore.

“Would you rather I tell you how he ruined my life, just like he did yours?” You breathed out, finally saying something. The entire SWAT team, along with your team was listening in, everyone was waiting with bated breath to hear--everyone wanted to know.

Prentiss looked over at Hotch. “Hotch we can’t let her do this. It…”

But Hotch just shook his head. “If we hang up the phone, Maeve dies, and if nobody complies with Diana, both Spencer and Maeve die.”

Rossi spoke up. “You have to trust her, she’s negotiating. She’s buying us time. Whether or not we should be listening to this is the real question.” 

All of them went silent after that, a decision had been made. 

Diane’s face twisted into a smile. “I’d love too.” 

You closed your eyes and let out a shaky breath. “D-Do you know what it’s like, Diane, to walk into work every morning and have every single person who promises you they care about you over and over and over again just stare at you like you're some sort of wounded puppy? Watching as they handle you like a glass figurine that they all feel responsible for breaking, and yet the one person who threw you against the wall doesn’t even notice.” 

Diane huffed, but she nodded. ”Keep going.”

“Do you know how long we were together?” 

Spencer couldn’t decide who the question was for. 

“Tell me Spencer. Tell me how many days of her life you threw away just to love someone who you’ve never met before..”

He couldn’t look at Maeve. He couldn’t look at Diane. Your heart had given out right then and there, they had never even met in person. He had fallen in love with a woman he'd never seen before.

“Tell her Spencer.” You voice came out harsher than intended, your resolve was gone, but it made Diane smile even more, becoming comfortable with the taste of venom in your mouth. 

His voice wavered. “Five years, two months, nine days, and three hours.” 

You let out something resembling a controlled sob, which had Diane’s smile growing by the second. Maeve just stared at him, and Spencer couldn’t tell if she was horrified or upset or just sad. 

“You threw away over five years worth of love, to ruin my relationship?” 

“Diane.” You said suddenly, trying to get her attention back off of the two people she was holding hostage. 

“What.” She was starting to become irritated, ancy, waving the gun around more. 

“Want to know the worst part about it.” 

“If you tell it to me quickly because I’m running out of patience Y/N.”

“He’s making me transfer departments.” 

Your big secret was out. 

“What.” Spencer breathed out, the shock spread across his face. He couldn’t imagine the bullpen without you, and when he wasn't on the phone with Maeve, he couldn’t stop thinking about you. The days where you weren’t near him went by torturously slow, and all he could do was hope that you might look at him again, let him apologize, let him fix this. Diane watched as the pain flashed across Spencer's face, enjoying it.

The team all turned to Hotch, hoping that she was bluffing. But Hotch just looked down at the ground, confirming the awful truth. 

“I just finished putting in my transfer today.” You didn't know who you were explaining it to–the team, to Diane, or to Spencer, maybe all of them. 

“Being around him, knowing he doesn’t lo—” You went silent for a second before switching gears. “This was my dream.” Your lips started talking, and everyone listened intensely. “I trained specifically for the BAU. I got three Bachelors in worthless shit so that the FBI would spike its interest in me so that I could get into the academy and prove myself to Agent Hotchner. Prove myself to Jason Gideon. Then I went and got a PhD in Psychology with focuses in Trauma and Forensic Sciences. And I fucking loved it. I had finally proven to myself that maybe, just maybe, I was good enough. I finally found a place I belonged, with the people I belonged with. And I was so fucking good at my job Diane. You wouldn’t even comprehend it. But he took all of it from me. Every last bit of joy was sucked out of my body the minute he told me he didn’t love me anymore. The minute he didn’t even apologize for breaking my heart and ruining everything I worked so hard for. And then he still expected me to be at my best, getting pissed when I would be distracted, disrespecting me and my intelligence in front of our peers, our friends. He neglected our relationship, abandoning me when I needed him the most, and then expected me to love him all the same. The audacity is through the fucking roof.” 

Spencer was just staring at the phone, heart beating loudly in his chest. “And the honest to god truth Diane, the worst part of it all, I would forgive him in a heartbeat. I don’t even know why I would, I feel no fucking reason to forgive him, but I might as well. If he asked me to greet him on the tarmac and kiss him once this case is over and he survives, I might, just so I can remember how it felt to be loved. He barely noticed that I had stopped eating, or didn’t care enough to say anything. He didn't do shit when I would show up half an hour late to the jet because I was so exhausted that I fell asleep at my desk, because I haven’t slept in months. He just doesn’t care anymore and I’d rather die than step foot into Quantico again because losing him was already too much to fucking bare. I’d rather never see him ever again, if I can help it.” 

You exhaled, feeling the slightest weight off of your chest, but your words were calculated. The end of your rant held some truth to it, both you and Spencer knew that, but something about the last line of what you had said was bugging Emily. 

She turned to Hotch. “Rossi is right, she’s stalling.” 

“But?” JJ asked her, looking at the building, before looking back at Emily. 

“She’s trying to get Diane to shoot Spencer to save Maeve.” 

Just as the entire team realized this, they heard Spencer’s voice, steady and unwavering. “I told her not to come on this case because I knew she would have slowed us down.” 

Your brain shortcircuited as a hand came up to cover up your sob. Not because what he said was the truth but because Spencer knew what you were doing, and he was trying to do the same thing.

“She’s been useless ever since our friend was killed during a case almost two years ago. She’s barely intelligent, and all she does for this team, truly, is parade around with a positive attitude that gets on on everyone else's nerves because she could never put as much effort into anything as you clearly have.” 

Diane walked over to him, squatting down in front of him. “I want to hear you say it to her Spencer.”

Your mouth betrayed you as a soft whimper came through the phone. Spencer didn't mean all of this, he couldn't have, but hearing the words still burned you alive.

“I-I…You slow this team down, and I have always thought you were a waste of space. I never loved you…” And if it wasn't for the slight change in pitch right as he said never, Diane would have believed him, but she pulled away glaring at Spencer. 

“Liar.” She hissed at him. “Liar, Liar, LIAR.” 

All you could hear through the phone was a muffled struggle before a shot rang out. You heard a second one and heard Spencer land near the phone. You couldn’t make a single sound, conjuring up the worst scenarios in your head. You could hear him trying to negotiate with Diane. You could hear Maeve struggling to breathe. You heard him begging to take her place, you heard Diane screaming about Thomas Merton. 

You heard Spencer scream out wait before a gun shot rang out through the warehouse. Everyone was silent, for all you knew Spencer was dead. He had been shot agasin and killed, and the last thing you would have ever said to him was that you never wanted to see him again. But then, you heard Spencer start sobbing. The small twisted part of you came back and was so relieved that he was okay, that he was alive. But listening to the man you would die for cry over another woman’s body made your skin turn inside out. You had out your phone on speaker for your rant, leaving it on the counter. You reached for it, ready to hang up. But that’s when you heard your name. 

Spencer had sobbed your name. 

He scrambled over to the phone and frantically repeated your name over and over until you interrupted him. 

“Spencer.”

“I’m so fucking sorry.” He whispered, sitting against the wall unable to look at the bodies on the floor. "I didn't...I didn't mean any of it, I swear."

“Spencer. I–” You inhaled sharply. “It’s selfish but I’m glad you’re still alive.” You whispered out, causing Spencer to let out another sob. 

"Y/N I-I'm so sorry. I-Can you..."

“I-I can’t do this Spence. I’m so sorry.” You whispered, your heart shattering all over again. “I can’t….I’m sorry.” And with that, you hung up, leaving Spencer on the floor, heartbroken and sobbing, truly losing both women he had ever loved in the matter of seconds. 

"You will never know true pain until you look into the eyes of someone you love, and they look away." ~ Anonymous

Next Part

[ardentpoop]

most people REALLY aren’t critical of the show’s framing of hunting it’s kind of depressing to me.

“dean was wrong to treat sam the way he did in s4 bc sam was better than the things they hunt”

try again lol. what exactly makes these characters “worthy” of staying alive to you? compare sam’s behavior + treatment by the narrative to dean’s to cas’s to jack’s to that of one-off monsters killed by hunters: madison, lenore, amy, andrea, etc. if you want to really make your head hurt throw in the recurring side characters whose “monstrosity” was nullified or excused by their proximity to the main team of “good guys”: benny, werewolf!garth, post-s8 crowley, rowena. as well as the recurring antagonists whose “monstrosity” only underlined their preexisting “badness”: GORDON, pre-s9 crowley, lucifer’s vessel nick. as well as the characters whose mental illness or “instability” opened them up to the same threats that “monstrosity” would’ve opened them up to: martin, claire, sam (always always sam.)

tbh it’s no wonder so much of this audience doesn’t understand just how gruesome s4-5 were from a sam-focused perspective when they aren’t picking apart the show’s flimsy and biased justifications for who lives and who dies. no matter WHAT sam did there was no justification for dean and bobby locking him up and nearly killing him in such a dehumanizing way and there was no justification for everyone around sam encouraging him to jump into the cage as “penance.”

[biasbuck]

BiAsBuck’s ficrec Fridays

Happy Friday everyone! What a couple of weeks huh? We're so back etc. I've still not recovered from the blooper and bts blessings. But I'm back again with another round of the fic I've been reading so far this month! You can find previous rec lists here.

9 August 2024

i'm here with the door wide open by @eddiebabygirldiaz oh my god the YEARNING in this fic. I actually wailed when I got to the end. Eddie POV, he's struggling with the silence with Chris gone, and the absence of the life and noise that he's so used to in his home. Through it all, Buck is there, sweet, supportive, vibrant and loud in his presence. Eddie tentatively comes to listen to what's not being said out loud. I absolutely adored the delicate hand held out to all the relationships here, and the beautiful imagery in the writing. But mostly the intimacy which struck me so deeply. Love is indeed stored in the kitchen. Just gorgeous.

in love with every song you've ever heard by @timeshareindestin I'm so glad I saw the beautiful art of hard of hearing Buck and his firetruck red hearing aids, because it led me to read this wonderful fic, in which he grapples with the disability he suppressed as a child, and realises that the family he craves has been there for him all along. This is an emotional read, and I particularly loved the flashbacks to his childhood and Maddie's support, as well as the realisation that he can be brave and vouch for himself with people fighting his corner.

Operation: Keep Eddie Diaz Busy and Annoyed by @gigi-gigi 'the one where Buck forces Eddie to keep busy while Chris is gone, but ends up catching a bad case of The Feelings in the middle of Eddie learning to love pickling things to irritate Chim and charming old ladies through square dancing.' THE FLIRTING. Dear god the flirting. Just delightful.

where the tumbleweeds blow by @tallahasseemp3 a buddie road trip fic! In which Eddie goes home to Texas. Buck follows. Along the way, they find each other. The perfect thing to read after the deleted Christopher and Eddie scene, with them learning to find their feet with each other whilst Eddie also learns to trust himself with Buck, and establish boundaries and a new understanding with his own parents. Such great family dynamic examination.

free mustache rides by @standback ALL HAIL MOUSTACHEDDIE SMUT!! 'Eddie comes back after two weeks in Texas with a) Christopher, b) a tan, and c) a mustache.' In which Eddie is flirtatious and a bit smug about the effect he's having, whilst Buck is entirely mesmerised, and needs to sit on his face about it. Funny and hot.

Safe for Work by @911-alsaurus continuing with the funny and hot theme, Al's specialty, in which touch starved Buck looks for some way to alleviate his cravings, and 'Eddie offers to be Buck's official head scratcher, shoulder massager, and general tactile needs provider. It's a really normal thing for friends to do. Surely.' Featuring an excellent Chim cameo.

Paint Me in Neon and Make Me Glow by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels HELLO exhibitionist streak Buck 5+1 hot as hell buck tommy fic. Truly Lincoln writes their dynamic in such a fun way, I love how tongue in cheek teasing Tommy is and how playful and intrigued Buck is here, whilst being extremely turned on. Kink exploration that ups the ante with each new tentative discovery. There's no room to be shy!

Every Day You’ll Still Show Up by @bluflamingo was a really nicely characterised buck tommy fic, an emotional oneshot in which they're early days boyfriends set close to S7 canon, learning to comfort each other when Buck returns after a bad call. There was a gentleness to this that I could genuinely see slotting into the show, and I really liked that it was a regular call out that went wrong rather than a massive catastrophe.

PS - once again sending out the signal to ask if you have any henren authors/fic recs I should check out PLEASE let me know! Have you SEEN S8 Hen's arms in those tank tops? Dear lord. Help a lesbian out?

[rocketboots564]

Here is part one of my thoughts, notes, and reactions to Red Versus Blue Season 9 as a first time watcher!

Yes, I have heard the news about Rooster Teeth. No I will not let that stop me from binging this series one way or another!

The rest of each individual season will be posted separately instead of being a reblog of the first post… mainly because I saw how egregiously long my post on season 8 was.

Season 9 Part 1:

Epsilon… what do you mean nobody’s called you “Director” in a really long time? Sir, season 8 was probably just a couple months ago… I think…

I don’t know how much time has passed from S8 to S9

FIRST OF ALL TUCKER, CHURCH IS CABOOSE’S BEST FRIEND

Wait… how can you get winded if you’re an AI. I mean I know Epsilon is in a memory unit, but does that mean he relives everything in a human body too?

It does make sense that Epsilon doesn’t really know how to use a Rifle. Sure, Church (or Alpha? Imma stick with church) didn’t know how to properly use it either, but he did know how to adjust the scope.

“Torqued in my pants” pffft…

WOAH TUCKER?! You did WHAT IN ALONE TIME? WHAT THE HELL’S “ALONE TIME”? 😦

Erm… what the Metal Gear? I unironically love this stealth mission thing. And knowing South Dakota… I wonder how long it’ll take for this to go tits up…

I’m betting five to ten minutes

also, YESS THE BIG BUCKS BUDGET OF ANIMATED CG SCENES RETURNS.

South MY GOD LISTEN UP?! HAVE YOU NEVER PLAYED ANY STEALTH GAME?! Set up the MOTION DECTETORS!!!

As someone who’s had years of experience sneaking past light sleepers in the dead of night for snacks and video games… I could do this better than you South Dakota.

SOUTH THIS IS WHY WE SET OUR SOLITON RADAR!!! I mean motion detectors… sorry I got Metal Gear Solid on the brain

MY GOD THE ANIMATION?! THE TAG TEAMING?! What happened that got South Dakota to eventually abandon North Dakota?

I too could take 50 of them South… in a fight… definitely a fight

Oop I saw that in the background! Who’s that?!

OOH THEY BAITED ME WITH THE BLACK ARMOR! They almost made me think it Tex… it’s actually well… whoever this cyan lady is

Supportive Sarge? He WANTS to hear the blue perspective? He DOESN’T want to command and yell at his subordinates?

GRIF? CLEANING? Actually I could get behind Maid Grif.

“I actually like being talked down to” woah WOAH SIMMONS?! 🤨 real, me too…

I mean… at least Donut’s still kept his accidental yet somewhat intentional innuendos. And, also his diary apparently…

Damn SHUT UP SOUTH DAKOTA! SHUT UP!! NOBODY HEAR WANTS TO HEAR YOUR SHIT!

North? WHOAH ANIMATED FACES?! NORTH DAKOTA WITH THE CLUTCH!!

Medics = bad luck. Honestly… yeah for you guys they are.

THE PHOTOSHOPPED WET FLOOR SIGN AND MOP IS KILLING ME

The ultimate OTP battle: Caboose x Sheila versus Caboose x Email

Listen… Tucker… never in a million years will I ever call you Professor Fuck

Damn the Freelancer Program only has ranked mode? No wonder they’re all assholes

CONNECTICUT? SHE’S CT? Yeah I can see why you’re so mad about your low rank… you’ll get your shit rocked by Professor Fuck of all people. Fuck it… it’s a funny name

So like… you know you’ve got absolutely dogshit rizz when Caboose has a better shot at dating someone than you.

Speaking of which… Caboose is now in my top 5 of the most dateable guys in this show. Like take this quote from him:

“I just really want to meet someone nice. Someone who appreciates me for who I am not so much because I’m pretty but because they really want to get to know me…”

HOW HAS THIS MAN NOT WOOED THE HEARTS OF THOUSANDS?

Tucker has NO rizz…

Oh wow Epsilon, just drop the existential dread on your teammates like that with no warning. It is a damn good thing your teammates either don’t understand it or don’t care.

Huh… seems even in a memory unit in which everyone is different fate still finds a way to make Grif lazy and sarcastic again.

Then again, that’s kinda happening with the rest of Red Team as well, minus Simmons and Lopez

Also, LOPEZ IS BACK! And this time is immediately beefing with Simmons… or rather the other way around.

“I’ll show you who’s likable and funny, and who people like” SIMMONS BABY ITS YOU! YOUR THE ONE I LOVE! YOUR THE ONE I NEED!

I just like Simmons… a perfectly normal amount…

Conclusion: this season already fucking ROCKS I LOVE IT! HOLY SHIT THIS IS AWESOME!

[cxhleel108]

LITG S8 Thots for this week: I barely have any???😭😭😭

• Hideaway scene wasn’t as lame as I thought it would be but of course they just had to include THE BOX once again! That whip cream so damn old I’m surprised it ain’t grew legs and ran away yet.

• Why does Hazel actually hate Hari’s guts like wtf did he do😭😭😭

• Outfit time!

• Not bad! Not bad at all!

• Whoever that ho was that went on a date with Oakley and sat on her phone the whole time…you on my list now bitch cuz how dare you?

• Me trying to find where he said that.

• So Hazel been upset this whole time because Hari was honest about not having feelings for her…Ugh don’t piss me OFF why did they have to ruin her and make her stupid too!

• Ok now let’s get into these prom dresses.

• Let’s give Fusebox their 10s for at least not curating a lineup of shit clothes for the final!

• The girls dresses…no shade I’m winning best dressed let’s be real now.

• Us matching stoppppppp. He look so damn good.

• The other boys outfits…once again, no shade but Oakley’s taking best dressed.

• This is like the most normal way they’ve ever described us twerking😭😭😭

• Girl helpkssmdndndn

• Idk why Oak thought Suck and Blow was gonna help Hazel and Hari get along but at least he tried.

• Hazel you finna make me so mad like cut this shit out bro😭

• I kinda ate that.

• Hot tub scene was kinda hot.

• Gee I wonder who’s finna win 1st place!

• Wait this made me a lil sad Claudia was a great villa bestie fr🥺

• Wow we won shocker!

• That call with Oak’s dad was cute.

• Oh not this shit againmsndnskamsms. Like who tf is thaaaaattt?????

• So even if you suffered through Season 5 and got with Finn y’all still don’t last together? Justice for Season 5 MC like fuck this is why I head-canoned my girl with someone from another season😭

• Finn don’t even try to proposition me with the way they got you looking now cuz uh uhhhh.

• Almost chose money just cuz this shit was so boring god I hope the reunion wakes some tea up!

[all-pacas]

do you ever think about chase vs kutner replacing house... i got the vibe that they were setting up kutner to be house's successor and then had to switch to chase. his character arc in s8 was a little sudden if i remember correctly (havent seen it in like a year lolsies) but it was also really interesting. but also i love kutner and i can imagine him running a department with a lot more gusto than chase. interesting to wonder if kutner would continue the cycle of (weird) abuse like chase presumably does, or if things would be different with him in charge

I mean, I hope this isn't a hot take, because I think Kutner was great, but there was no way he was ready to take over for House any time soon. It was a running joke that he was a massive liability; he kept pretty consistently making pretty severe mistakes (setting people on fire!). And he also had a real creative brilliance, he was smart as hell and had a ton of potential, but he was nooooot anywhere near a leader. He'd have made a great number two, though. And it's possible with a few more years of development, he would have gotten better, but to be honest most of the time to show was setting up Foreman to be the true successor, not Kutner or Chase.

Which I think says a lot about what the show thinks — and House thinks, maybe — about what the "next House" should be. I think Foreman is hands down the smartest of the fellows on like, a testing level. He lacks the Chase/Kutner/House creative spark, but he's always set up as the Smart One, someone whose brains House respects from day one, someone who has entire character arcs about being like House and not wanting to be. And over time the show drifted away from that, and became more aware of his flaws. We also know that he was never planned on becoming the New Cuddy, they were floating bringing back one of the S4 rejects for the role for a while, they didn't plan on Cuddy leaving. I think that Foreman was planned on being the successor. That's almost stated from S1.

And in a way I think it's bad writing, because the show did lean more into him having a pathological need to be in charge, and because it tended to humble him by having him kill patients, which, uh, undermines the "he's the best doctor" thing by a lot. The fact that Foreman as Dean of Medicine makes so much sense feels kind of… telling? It feels right for him to be an admin and a boss instead of a Creative Genius Doctor, you know?

Likewise, Chase taking over was definitely a S8 thing. I was looking at the dates and airdates and stuff: Hugh Laurie announces he's not continuing the show, and the very next episode to air is Nobody's Fault, followed by Chase. The episode after those is one where everyone agrees Chase deserves to be "team leader;" Chase then gets a run of solving cases while House isn't around. Like, very clearly the show went "oh, fuck, we have 14 episodes left of the series," and one of the main tasks was setting up Chase as House's successor. And I think it does actually fit well, even if it's obviously rushed. Even if it was an accident, he did have the best solve rate of the fellows, and there is something very fitting about it. (Honestly, if they weren't cowards, they wouldn't have fired Jennifer Morrison and we could have had an ending montage where the original kids literally emulate the grown ups: head of diagnostics, dean of medicine, and Cameron as a department head to slot in for Wilson. Imagine.)

SO ANYWAY. TL;DR part one: Chase being the successor wasn't planned at all, but I think it fits. Kutner, god love him, would have made an incredible number two (imagine him being Chase's #2), but I really don't think he was ready for leadership.

(To be fair, Chase also almost never got a chance to be a leader, although we do see him mentoring Park and Masters a bit and doing it well.)

(I'm gonna have to make a different post about a leadership tangent WATCH THIS SPACE)

As for Kutner's leadership style… honestly, I think he'd have so much fun. I think his fellows would have so much fun. I'm not sure how efficient they'd be (I don't picture Kutner as a big details and paperwork kind of guy), but his patients would love him too. It would be so nice.

[jibbingjibberish]

you said something about strapping someone to a lightning rod and waiting for a storm

and my immediate thought was doc

“wonder if he can become a charged creeper. doc come here and sit on this lightning rod”

second thought was octagon with ren and doc. what kinda shit did they get up to. huh. two old men left to their own devices while setting up a storm machine. they HAD to have done some weird stuff.

imagining like, for doc, becoming charged is akin to some kind of hyper aphrodisiac, just loses all control, needs to fuck and fuck and fuck and ren. ren wants that so bad. wants that charged tingle inside him, wants doc treating him like a fleshlight and nothing more.

doc agrees–good stress relief from. uh. whatever they were doing in s8, i kinda skipped it ngl–and ren forces him onto the lightning rod, bulb right against doc's prostate. hes already leaky, pressure so so much, and then the lightning strikes.

honestly, ren was thinking there was a way to dom doc, tie him down and fuck him with all that electricity coursing around his dick, but doc pins him first, rips thru his pants, and just pounds him, filling his husband up with batch of eggs after eggs, and more and more accumulate and doc doesnt let him lay them, they just keep buzzing inside as the storm rages around them.

[queermania]

(last reblog made me realize something but i didn't want to add it to the post or in the tags because it's spoilery if you've only seen up to s8)

there are a lot of reasons why cas' confession is so unsatisfying to me but one of the reasons i haven't been able to articulate until now is that it kind of.... undoes everything that preceded it? cas gives voice to the thing we've all been watching play out for twelve years and that should feel like a win, it should feel like relief, because happiness isn't in the having, it's in the just being, it's in the just saying, right? but, in saying it, cas removed the being part of it from everything that happened prior. cas' speech made it feel like we haven't been watching two people who are in queer love and who are very much in a queer relationship.

instead, we've been watching a guy secretly pining for another guy who may or may not have secretly loved him back. and that... is not true to the story i've been watching unfold? that only works if i accept the premise that the writers and the actors and the directors and the crew and the editors weren't actually telling a queer love story to the best of their ability the whole time. and i don't accept that! they were telling the story!! it was on purpose!!!

like, the reason dean's confession-prayer in purgatory is satisfying is because it doesn't undo anything that came before it.

Cas? Cas, I hope you can hear me… that wherever you are, it's not too late. I should've stopped you. You're my best friend, but I just let you go. 'Cause it was easier than admitting I was wrong. I-- Ohh. I don't know why I get so angry. I just know -- I know that it's -- i-it's just always been there. And when things go bad, it just -- it comes out. And I can't -- I can't stop it. No matter how -- how bad I want to, I just can't stop it. And -- and I-I forgive you. Of course I forgive you. I'm sorry it took me so long -- I'm sorry it took me till now to say it. Cas, I'm -- I'm so sorry. Man, I hope you can hear me. I hope you can hear me. Okay.

this is dean reiterating everything we as an audience already know because we've already seen it (dean wants cas there and he regrets letting him go and there is nothing cas could do that would make dean actually give up on him). if you replace "best friend" with literally anything else that effectively means "romantic partner" this still works. it doesn't change it at all. this is dean and cas. this is destiel. this is the story i've been watching since lazarus rising. maybe even the pilot.

contrast that with 15x18, however:

I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be? What my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want... It's something I know I can't have. But I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it . . . I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're "daddy's blunt instrument." And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you see it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean . . . I love you.

this is a different story. it changes everything. and, like, i think that was supposed to be the point, but unfortunately for me it is one of the reasons it doesn't work. why doesn't cas think he can have dean? is it simply because he thinks dean doesn't want him back?? is it because he thinks dean is straight?? like, the fact that i don't instinctively know the answer to that is a problem, and the reason i don't know the answer is because it doesn't jive with the show i've been watching for fifteen seasons. castiel's confession is the conclusion to a different show's run, one where they were actually queerbaiting the whole time and decided to throw the fans a bone at the very end.

but they weren't queerbaiting. they were writing textually queer characters with textually queer relationships.

and so a speech where cas is confessing to being in love with dean even though he thinks dean's straight doesn't really work at any point in the show's timeline for me.

and a speech where cas is confessing to being in love with dean even though he doesn't think dean loves him back in that way doesn't really work at any point past s12 for me, and even within s12 to be honest.

like, the narrative actively starts to fall apart in 13x01 if you don't take dean and cas being in love/in a relationship as a given, but even episodes like 12x10 and 12x19 imply something was already happening with them.

so. yeah.

[gnougnouss]

Ya know I feel like there's a shit ton of hyprocrisy going on when people compare RTD's writing and Moffat's on dw but nothing irks me more than when they say Moffat era made the doctor too important when he was portrayed as just a guy in RTD. Like. Are you fucking kidding me. Be for real.

In the GODDAMN first episode, one of the first thing we learn about the doctor is through Clive (rip) in that scene :

The Doctor is a legend woven throughout history. When disaster comes, he's there. He brings the storm in his wake and he has one constant companion. ROSE: Who's that? CLIVE: Death.

So yeah the Doctor is a Legend. Next, in New Earth he is called "the lonely God". Very normal guy core.

It gets worse, who could forget this wonderful speech in The Family of Blood ?

LATIMER: Because it was waiting. And because I was so scared of the Doctor. JOAN: Why? LATIMER: Because I've seen him. He's like fire and ice and rage. He's like the night and the storm in the heart of the sun. DOCTOR: Stop it. LATIMER: He's ancient and forever. He burns at the centre of time and he can see the turn of the universe. DOCTOR: Stop it! I said stop it. LATIMER: And he's wonderful.

The Next one is by Steven Moffat but crucially still during 10s era so STILL part of how the doctor was characterised. RTD approved you might say.

DOCTOR: Don't play games with me. You just killed someone I liked. That is not a safe place to stand. I'm the Doctor, and you're in the biggest library in the universe. Look me up. (There is a pause, then the shadows withdraw.) ANITA: You have one day.

I added it because I saw people act as if the Eleventh Hour's resolution with a doctor boast was completly out of character and not something he literaly did one series before.

Ok now for the real silly, that scene in Last of the Time Lords where the power of PRAYER turned 10 young and hyper powerful. For real. Yeah like a sort of Space Jesus.

Bonus: that part in Voyage of the Damned when he flied with two angels lifting him like ok lmao.

Those were just the ones I could remember out of the top of my head but "just a guy" my entire fucking ass. Go rewatch that show.

I feel like Moffat is often accused of turning the doctor into too much of an incredibly powerful figure not because he did it more than RTD but because he discussed the trope and as such put a lot of attention on it . All of those I pointed out in RTD are played incredibly straight but in Moffat's era the doctor's legend is a problem. It's the plot of the s5 finale, he became so big his ennemies allied. It's the reason he gets called out in "A good man goes to war"

RIVER: This was exactly you. All this. All of it. You make them so afraid. When you began, all those years ago, sailing off to see the universe, did you ever think you'd become this? The man who can turn an army around at the mention of his name. Doctor. The word for healer and wise man throughout the universe. We get that word from you, you know. But if you carry on the way you are, what might that word come to mean? To the people of the Gamma Forests, the word Doctor means mighty warrior. How far you've come. And now they've taken a child, the child of your best friends, and they're going to turn her into a weapon just to bring you down. And all this, my love, in fear of you.

It continues in Asylum of the Daleks where Moffat tries to erase the doctor's legend and is concluded somewhat in s8 finale with the proposition that what the doctor actually is, is in fact an idiot.

DOCTOR: I really didn't know. I wasn't sure. You lose sight sometimes. Thank you! I am not a good man! I am not a bad man. I am not a hero. And I'm definitely not a president. And no, I'm not an officer. Do you know what I am? I am an idiot, with a box and a screwdriver. Just passing through, helping out, learning. I don't need an army. I never have, because I've got them. Always them. Because love, it's not an emotion. Love is a promise.

But nobody saying stuff like "Moffat made the doctor too important" ever watched Capaldi's era anyway so it's not like they would know.

[graciehart]

hi there!! sorry if this is weird but wanted to get your opinion on something!! believe it or not I've never watched the final season of castle and I know a lot of people say it's a bad season but I finished my season 7 rewatch and I'm wondering whether or not to give s8 a chance lol like is it so annoyingly bad I should just skip it forever or are there still moments that make it worthy of my time? thank you ☺️

hi!! not weird at all, I love that you asked me haha 😊 I also hope you don't mind me publishing this in case anyone has anything they want to add!

the short version of my answer is that yes, I personally think it's worth watching at least once! That said, I am well aware that there are things I might have forgotten about it since I've only seen it once. I'll put my reasoning/other considerations below the cut. Hope this helps!

————————————————————— 💭

Yes is my short answer, but I wanted to say why because there's a lot that goes into it for me (I take this way too seriously 😂)

First, I very generally believe that everything is worth watching at least once. That's just how I usually consume media. I also do my best to always watch things before I give any sort of opinion—for example, there are some things I have an idea about (including Castle season 8), but I felt it was important I personally watch it if I wanted to meaningfully converse about it.

Second, I think there are some moments I do love in season 8! I also know there was at least one episode that I did want to rewatch once seeing it. I'd say if you go into it open-minded (but with reasonable expectations, since it does have its issues), then you might be pleasantly surprised by parts of it 😊

That said, I'd ask what your reasons were for not watching it to begin with (as well as how you feel about season 7, because I feel like that can also be helpful for deciding if you want to watch 8). Because I will say that for me, season 8 was a hard watch since I have an idea of what was going on during that time w/ the cast (and I wasn't even watching the show live!). I also had some major problems with the storyline. Now, I kind of view season 8 as a bonus (meaning I only really acknowledge the parts I like as canon and ignore the existence of the rest 😂) because I think there are some moments I love but also have what I feel are fairly valid issues with other parts (valid meaning I can imagine other ways for the characters to behave that I think are just as plausible).

Anyway, hope that made sense. Feel free to ask/DM/reply if you have any questions/need clarification on any of this!

[deansmom]

listen it’s 2021, nobody can yell at me for my Hot Takes on the w*nchester bros and specifically sam because none of you care about me anymore lmao

and no, I will not be responding to defenses of these things, I just want to yell about this because I can’t stop thinking about it now

I don’t think anything demon!dean said to sam was out of line, not really, because like yeah, it was mean whatever, but sam has said WAY crueler things to and about dean when he was just a normal human person. but dean gets crucified for being a demon and fully expressing himself and his trauma and his feelings? nah fuck that lmao

I’m up to s8 in my rewatch and it’s absolutely wild to me how sam STILL thinks he’s better than dean. not only does he still somehow think he’s smarter, but he also thinks he’s BETTER than dean. that dean’s like, a bad person or whatever - as if both of them aren’t mass murderers ffs

this mans really said “I don’t know if my brother is alive or dead...... hm sucks for him I guess lol.” like yeah, sure, trauma, whatever. everybody handles and processes trauma differently, I know, but seriously sam??? sure, take a couple months if you need it, but just - no effort? didn’t even try? didn’t even do a quick google search? 

just fucking ditched kevin, a SIXTEEN YEAR OLD KID, and then got mad at dean when dean was like “dude wtf is the matter with you this kid was our responsibility” 

fandom ALWAYS wants to talk about how dean’s the more toxic one but damn, dean gets one friend - his first friend who isn’t cas!!! - and sam’s like “lmao this dude has to die” LITERALLY ONLY BECAUSE DEAN KILLED AMY, WHO WAS KILLING INNOCENT PEOPLE (for a good reason, sure, but like, she was still killing innocent people and benny’s out here just minding his own business, stealing AB- negative blood because they can get blood transfusions from any negative blood type!! his old ass wasn’t hurting anybody) and the episode before sam finds out about benny they let kate go be a werewolf and then when dean mentions that to sam about benny he’s like “so?! she was a victim!” and he’s like “and benny hasn’t done anything wrong!” and sam just doesn’t give a shit lmao

he ALWAYS bitches about how dean doesn’t trust him and I’m just sitting here like??? damn bro I WONDER FUCKING WHY. sam only takes responsibility for his actions when it’s convenient for him, generally when he’s being portrayed as the victim, and it!!!!!! [screams into a pillow]

dean’s like “he’s never given me a reason to doubt him” (about benny) and sam immediately goes “well it must be nice to find that” and dean takes a second to figure out what sam’s talking about and it’s just like WOW, didn’t fucking mean it like that, but yeah IT IS NICE SAM TO HAVE A FRIEND THAT THUS FAR HASN’T BETRAYED ME, IT’S A GOOD FEELING like tf is the matter with you dude come on

OH OH OH and when dean came back from hell in s4 sam’s going around like “dean’s weak he can’t handle it” but doesn’t try to help his brother?????? doesn’t offer him emotional support or validation or anything that you should offer someone who’s just been through something profoundly traumatic and is ~*~struggling~*~ to keep themselves afloat. 

listen dean certainly isn’t an unproblematic saint in this relationship specifically, but sam is SO MEAN??? ALL THE TIME??? and I know it’s because especially in the early seasons he associates dean with his dad and him and john never got along because they were too much alike, blah blah blah, whatever,  it’s still not cool to project your trauma onto other people and take it out on them. 

will I ever be over 9.13? no. no I will not, because that was the cruelest thing that could have maybe ever been said to dean, and yeah again, trauma, whatever, but like......... if you’ve been traumatized and your response is to purposefully emotionally devastate someone that you know 1) had no malicious intentions and 2) is emotionally unstable and perpetually suicidal, I’m allowed to hate you wtf??? 

sam knows NOTHING about his brother. 

like ok in the fic that I’ve been writing somebody was like “it’s very in character but edgier but dean didn’t hate john” and listen, I TRULY think that dean hated him in canon. yeah, even in s1. watch 2.01 again, watch the episode where john is possessed by azazel, the dream root episode, I think it’s 12.22 that speech with mary, but like, especially on my rewatch, I cannot read their relationship as anything other than at that point neither one of them liked each other. something happened in between sam leaving and dean coming to get him, and dean went searching for john out of obligation and an excuse to see sam. 

you can’t convince me that john liked dean. of course he loved him, a familial obligation was deeply ingrained in that man, but I don’t think he liked dean at all. I think dean reminded him of mary, I think he thought dean was too soft, and to be completely honest, I don’t think he liked that dean listened to him so easily. john wanted to be in charge, obviously, but he’s such an antagonistic fuck always looking for a fight with somebody, that it probably bothered him that dean didn’t really push back. john didn’t think he was assertive enough, dean just didn’t want to be used as a punching bag, and I’ve always figured there was some sort of blowout after sam left between the two of them and they didn’t really talk much after that. “it was the worst night of my life” is what dean called the night sam left for stanford, and while his little brother leaving would’ve been devastating, I don’t think that alone would qualify it (in season 5, mind you, after hell and the hellhounds and everything) as the worst night of his life. I also think that’s why john was such a POS in s1 when they found him, giving dean shit for the impala, y’know. god, I really fucking hate him lmao

nobody seems to agree with me on this, but sam is very much his father’s son, and that’s why they never got along. the two of them were so much alike (and so self-centered) that they couldn’t help but butt heads together because they both wanted to be the center of attention, and also just enjoy picking fights. and like, I think this is a big reason why dean has a harder time being honest with sam than sam has with being honest with dean. because dean sees john when he looks at sam, and sam just sees dean. and sam’s like “why don’t you talk to me dean” and dean probably just hears his dad making fun of him for being honest or talking about his feelings or yelling at him. 

familial/generational trauma genuinely makes it hard to interact in meaningful and productive ways, I get it, believe me I do, but sam is just so... cruel sometimes? and I think dean really worked his way through a solid portion of that trauma by the end of the show, and I don’t think sam ever really did.

Dean: All right, you want to be honest? If the situation were reversed and I was dying, you'd do the same thing.

SAM [very softly]: No, Dean. I wouldn't. Same circumstances...I wouldn't. I'm gonna get to bed.

see, when I say sam is cruel, this is the shit I’m talking about because that is a bald faced lie and sam knows it. he said it specifically to hurt dean. he didn’t mean it, and he fucking knows that, but he knows that it will devastate dean to hear that, so he says it. 

anyways, sam fights dirty all the time. it’s 2024 now and I have no notes for past me, she was right. 

[phneltwrites]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to other writers. Spread the self-love~ 🫶🏻

💚

it's tempting to pick the long fics because they took the most work and have the most Stuff in them (themes, narrative experimentation, whatever) so i want to think a little more widely about the stuff i've written.

Bad Thing Twice (Not Me, Todd/Black). Ohh I love Not Me so much. What a fantastic show about a group of people taking down the biggest billionaire in Thailand. The main romance is great, the gang is fantastic, it's beautiful to watch... and then right at the end the most perfect best friends to enemies ship appears. otp of two guys who keep trying to kill each other over ideological differences but can't because they love each other so much. So then I wrote 64k to take that friends to enemies and add on a ...to lovers. One of my faves because I got to get into some themes that I love, like how and when to compromise, what to do when the love is real but the situation is hard. Also because I don't see anything glamorous or admirable in being rich and I wanted to wallow a bit in how much money fucks things up.

Say All That You're Feeling (MDZS, wlw wangxian). lesbians!! Genuinely the process for writing this was just coming up with a big list of all the things that I thought would be hot. lwj woodworking. wwx making leather bracelets and then playing with the leather bracelet on lwj's wrist. But then ALSO this fic is about comphet. Stage 2 comphet. Stage 1 is 'is it possible to like girls???' Stage 2 is learning to be ok with experiencing attraction. It's scary to be horny! It's vulnerable. And there's so much baggage around unwanted attraction and being predatory but like. it's beautiful and fun. We all know a useless lesbian who is like 'idk if that was a date or just friends' and I'm always like WELL did YOU say if it was one or the other?? and they never do. Useless. But also we've all been there so this is like, a fond and generous read on that situation (i hope)

Retrieved from Impossibility (Leverage, Eliot/Parker/Hardison). Possibly the most Me fic I've ever written. Android Eliot desperately clinging to his humanity, Parker's fierce sense of what's okay and not, and Hardison being so smart and caring and also into robots. I love books about cognition and humanity and agency and I also am very weak to a trope about heisting a person so they can be free, so.

Falling Til Four in the Morning (MDZS, wangxian). I sure do love a hyperspecific AU. Like this, technically, is a coffee shop AU, however it's set in the 90s and wwx aspires to dotcom and lwj works in radio. I researched so much for this fic and nothing makes me feel better than people in the comments say it captured the vibe of the era. In case anyone reading this has read that fic and wondered: wwx disassociated himself from the Jiangs because he was doing AIDS activism and it was communicated to him that he was shaming them.

Standing in Sharpening Wind (Game of Thrones, Jon/Tormund). A fave cause I think the setting comes through clearly, which is always something I'm working on. I feel cold in the spaces in the sentences. I can't believe I never had any fic writing inclination for this show until the end of S8 pissed me off SO bad. Not even the point of this fic but Brienne/Sansa forever I can't believe that show fucked me so bad. uhh anyway yeah north of the wall vibes, some culture clash stuff, Tormund pining like an idiot, lots of fun for me to write

[wyldfell]

Hi! I just have a few questions that I'm asking with no malice or judgement (if they come across as such) just out of curiosity for something that you said in one of your posts.

I was just wondering what the biggest things you don't like about HOTD S2 are. What contradictions/mixed signals, the themes/messages you're disappointed that the writers aren't touching on, how you feel like the writers are afraid to commit and hiding it under "open to interpretation", the vague writing with the pendulum constantly swinging with no rhyme or reason and from one stance in the story to the next.

I'd also like to know how you think that HOTD S2 enjoyers/haters mirror GOT S8 enjoyers/haters.

Hi, anon! I'll answer your last question first: I didn't mean to say the response to GOT s8 mirrors the response to HOTD s2, I meant more like.... the ghost of GOT s8 seems to be haunting HOTD s2 to its own detriment. A lot of the changes to Rhaenyra's character seem to be in response to the Dany backlash even though the two have nothing to do with each other and - contrary to what they're trying to push in s2 especially - they have no relation whatsoever in connection to ~*Aegon's Dream*~. Objectively, it's a bad way to "correct" the wrongs of GOT s8 (which weren't C&H's doing, that beef had nothing to do with them and they'd have done better to just ignore the whole fiasco and forge their own path), and it's also a disservice to HOTD as a whole because why are you letting GOT influence a spin-off which should have been strong enough to stand on its own??? But there are those in the audience who still want redemption for Daenerys and C&H are willing to pay fanservice to them through Rhaenyra even though it weakens her character and their own story (and like I said, they should've let D&D's failings stay D&D's failings).

This connects to your first question about contradictions and mixed signals and I'm going to be discussing spoilers for the Dance, so here's a warning and a cut!

We already know how Rhaenyra ends up. I think one of the biggest complaints about later-season Dany is that her Mad Queen Arc had almost no build-up, it came out of nowhere and didn't feel earned, so onscreen it read like straight-up character assassination so she could be fridged by Jon Snow, the ice to her fire, the tragic love of her life, etc, etc. And many did come out of it feeling like Dany had become a victim to sexism in the narrative, when I think that could've been avoided by, like I said, making her arc feel earned as opposed to senseless and arbitrary.

HOTD overcorrects in its treatment of women by defaulting to women = inherently good, except for when they are corrupted by men, and men = bad. So much of s1 and 2 was spent painting Rhaenyra as the Rightful Queen Who (Literally) Does No Wrong, calling back to early-season!Daenerys who was simply trying to reclaim her birthright, even though their situations are vastly different and have little else in common. But since we know that Rhaenyra ends up rejected by the smallfolk, deposed, and killed by her brother Aegon, now C&H have to plant the seeds that will ultimately lead to Rhaenyra's downfall. It started happening last ep with the dragonseeds, but as much as I like this new direction, it does - again - feel like it wasn't sufficiently earned when they've spent the last few episodes trying to hide older!Rhaenyra's faults underneath the couch cushions (I single out older!Rhaenyra because Milly Alcock's Rhaenyra had the fire and the stubbornness and the impulsiveness and arrogance that would have served older!Rhaenyra's plot so well, but I think those parts of her were removed to make her more sympathetic by the time of the Dance [young!Rhaenyra is SO Aegon-coded and I think they wanted some distance from that so you could see Aegon as a useless debauched idiot with no taste for duty and Rhaenyra as a mature grown woman and mother who is reasonable and wise and good]).

Now all of a sudden we're supposed to question Rhaenyra's behavior. The way ep7 was shot, the music and the framing, all direct the audience towards a feeling of horror at the Red Sowing. BUT! This is directly contradicted by the way the final scene of the episode is shot, which is Rhaenyra triumphant on Dragonstone while Aemond orders Vhagar to flee... so what are you trying to say? This is what I mean by pendulum swinging and contradiction. And it isn't just with Rhaenyra. It's in the way they now give Aemond cartoonish villain shots and refer to him as a "monster" bts when they spent so many eps trying to make you sympathize with him. It's in the way Alicent goes back and forth between supporting her children and (seemingly) wishing she could go back in time and let Rhaenyra be queen. It's in the way Rhaenyra's sexual freedom is celebrated but Alicent is tortured by the narrative for having sexual urges (which you could argue is down to the Faith, but then her Faith is never meaningfully explored in any way; it exists solely as a way to torture her). It's in the decision to make Aegon a rapist and Larys a sexual deviant, ignore it when it suits them, and bring it back up again whenever they want, depending on whether the scene calls for sympathy or comeuppance. It's in not letting Rhaenyra spill any blood or be complicit in any until the Red Sowing (Blood and Cheese is ignored by the story after Rhaenyra just barely holds Daemon to account, and when she does it's only to say "you weakened my claim by making me out to seem cruel").

It seems continually like there is a separate set of rules for the Blacks and the Greens, which throws off the messaging of the entire series because worlds need consistency!!! In ASOIAF and early GOT, bad things happen to good people, those good people make crucial strategic and/or moral errors, "bad" characters get sympathetic moments and understandable motivations, and sometimes they end up winning. This was true across the board, so the moves felt consistent with the inner logic of the world. In HOTD, Rhaenyra, from Day 1, has been framed as the protagonist who is in the moral, ethical, and legal right, but we know her ending contradicts that. So now the writers are trying to backtrack on the thread they have followed up until now by making her a religious zealot who believes she is the gods-ordained Queen who will save the world even though we were BARELY made aware of her undergoing a religious awakening. And yet, they are still afraid of making her too unsympathetic, so they throw in the Girlboss Frame™ and, as the leaks suggest, do Other Things to keep one foot in Rhaenyra Right and another in Rhaenyra Bad. That's what I mean by a lack of commitment and, I would also add, a lack of conviction.

If you want to be the Feminist Dragon Show, you do that by letting Rhaenyra be a full-rounded individual with her own selfish desire for the Iron Throne. You keep her impetuousness, her impulsiveness, her arrogance, you let her keep those traits as a mother and claimant to the throne, you sloooowly work in the erosion of her morals by letting her in steady increments abandon all notion of right and wrong in favor of her pursuit for power. If you want to make her a "cult leader," as Condal said, you make her start talking about the Old Gods a lot sooner. You show her as eager for respect, taking no shit from her councilors, clashing with Daemon, angry at the murder of Lucerys, eager for the deaths of her half-brothers, determined to win the crown at any cost because it's personal (and not because of some prophecy, a move which robs her of agency and a whole ass personality). Girlboss Frames™ are not enough. That is surface level. They should have trusted the audience to embrace a show about messy women. Instead, they give us a Rhaenyra who makes NO decisions until abruptly she does. Sometimes those decisions have consequences, other times those decisions are forgotten or justified. And even when her decisions are allowed to stand, there are always caveats.

And they do this to everyone!!!! It is most frustrating with Rhaenyra and Alicent, but all of the characters feel like they're planted in shallow soil because they want to be able to frame them as good or bad depending on the situation, as opposed to having deep roots and having their words and actions feel natural and organic. They are SO wishy-washy and it is SO frustrating because you can't follow a show like that!!! Do the Greens consider themselves a family or not? Is Aemond a cold-blooded murderer or not? Did Alicent place all of her cards on the table for her children or not? Are we meant to NOW see Viserys as a good father and model king? Are sexual women rewarded or punished in this show? Does this show believe women have agency, even within patriarchal structures, or does it relegate them to pawns in service to the whims of men? Do the smallfolk matter or don't they? Do the traumas of your childhood explain your faults as an adult or are you expected to, idk, magically escape them? Does coming out relatively unscathed give you the moral high ground over people who cannot process their experiences? Which crimes are forgivable and which crimes deserve to be held over your head in perpetuity? Is Daemon acknowledged in-universe as an abuser or isn't he? if he is, why is his treatment of women upheld as better than Criston's, who is punished within the narrative time and again for not accepting Rhaenyra's offer while Daemon gets to have a whole redemption arc that did very little to address his misogyny? Is this a world that believes a desire for power is inherently corrupt? if so, why is Rhaenyra not subject to that? why is her striving for power considered more morally upright than Alicent's? I have a million of these questions, which would not exist if the show knew what it was about and had better follow-through!!!