#no. no it's the writing it's just objectively better

[j1mmys-darl1ng]

.ೃ࿐scarring and scaring.ೃ࿐

Pairing : tate langdon x reader

Warnings : mentions of sh, blood, use of y/n, probably mischarecterisation

A/n : im so sorry for not making a new fic, life has been really kicking my ass right now and literally the worst thing i thought could happen happened. Ill try and write a few more fics before October (im not participating in kinktober).

You were dragging the small, pointy metalic object along your arm, adding more pressure each time before you let out a small yelp. Shit. Tate is definitely gonna give you a scolding when he finds you like this.

You wash off the blood, watching the water turn red and then transparent again. You had ran out of bandages the last time this happened so you just pull the sleves of your hoodie down.

"hey, y/n, everything ok in there?" you hear Tates voice through the door. You knew he wasnt an idiot and would definitely know somethings up. He always does.

"uh... Yea.. Im fine" your voice wavers slightly towards the end, seeing the blood bleed through your sleeve. Holy shit. Mabye you went deeper than you thought.

"ok well im not leaving till you open this door, im not an idiot. I know whats going on in there"

You feel a pang of guilt in your gut, knowing you promised him that you would stop. But this time was the first in a while. You can just predict the 'you were doing so well' thats going to come out of his mouth.

You know he wont leave until he sees how much damage youve done. Its not really like he has anything better to do due to being bound to the house and all that crap.

"the door isnt locked.." you tell him, feeling too ashamed to open the door yourself.

He opens the door.

You see his eyes go down to your sleves.

"pull em' up" he tells you. Its not a question, its a command.

As you hesitantly pull your sleves up, the blood smears up with it, creating a bloody mess up your arm. Your eyes begin to spike with tears, your lip begining to tremble and your breathing getting shakier.

"c'mere, let me clean this since i know you wont" his voice is softer now, his disappointment clear but he knows better than to yell at you when your in a glass state. Both fragile and he can see through your words.

He begins to rinse the cuts, using a cloth to wipe the blood away. His cheek rests against your shoulder as he does this.

"you promised me. You swore that you wouldnt do it again, y/n."

".. i know.."

"do you?"

After rinsing out the wounds to the best he could, he pats your arms down with a towel, also adding a bit of pressure to stop the bleeding. Despite the cuts not being fatal, the more pressure you were adding with the tool was making it worse.

After a few minutes, he removes the towel, bandaging your arms with a secret stash he had hidden from you. It was tight but not too tight it would cut off your circulation.

He presses a few small kisses onto the bandages, his thumb rubbing over them gently. It was a sweet moment. One that never usually occurs.

It felt nice.

A/n : shout out to the swaggy discord server im in and shout out to lily for watching sleepover last night with me over a discord call

Thanks for reading! <3

[dollypopup]

"But everything Lady Whistledown wrote was true!"

. . .does it matter?

Is the price for cruelty truth? Does it cease to be unkind if it is honest? Was the bullying many of us were subjected to swept away simply because it was, in some ways, objectively true? Because I have been fat all my life, and the people who weaponized that against me were 'just being honest'? When it took me longer to answer a question due to my processing with ADHD, were people right to call me 'slow' and laugh just because it was true?

Are rumors okay to spread if they're 'true'? No matter how much they harm others? Is the hurt someone experiences at the hands of gossip inconsequential because it happens to be private information made public against their will- but is still, at the core of it, genuine?

Can we out queer people, just because it's true? Can we reveal locations?

Do the ends justify the means? How much blood is okay to spill in the name of honesty? Who asked for Brutal Honesty to knock on their doors? Or is it allowed to come into our homes unwarranted simply on the basis of existence?

Where is tender honesty? Compassionate honesty? Empathetic honesty? Gentle honesty?

My issues with Lady Whistledown, and thus Penelope's actions and how people defend them, do not rest upon the truth of them. They rest on the unkindness. They rest on the fact that Penelope wants to 'be better' but is still, at the core of it, revealing information that is not her business or right to reveal. That she herself was at the bladed end of that experience and cried and cried and cried- and still chose it. That she knows the pain she can cause, and does cause, and yet cannot let it go for the sake of the power it holds.

It's not all her fault. She lives in a sexist society. She is a woman who has been made powerless because of misogyny and then snatched that power back. In some ways, it's impressive.

But we have to acknowledge the cruelty of it. That the people who pay are predominately woman. Those she cares for. The disenfranchised. That she herself has paid. That Colin has. Eloise has. Marina has. Kate, Edwina, Daphne, Cressida, modistes, and countless staff who came under scrutiny have paid.

I just want her to grow in Season 4. I want her to recognize she can pursue her passions without gossip and rumors. I want her to write stories and go traveling. I want her to make new friends outside of what she can provide for them with the power of her publication. I want her and Colin to be in love knowing they're moving forward together, instead of him being a mirror for 'her light' as she burns herself out.

I want more for her than 'brutal honesty'.

[physicallyimprobable]

what's the 3-dimensional number thing?

Well I'm glad you asked! For those confused, this is referring to my claim that "my favorite multiplication equation is 3 × 5 = 15 because it's the reason you can't make a three-dimensional number system" from back in this post. Now, this is gonna be a bit of a journey, so buckle up.

Part One: Numbers in Space

First of all, what do I mean by a three-dimensional number system? We say that the complex numbers are two-dimensional, and that the quaternions are four-dimensional, but what do we mean by these things? There's a few potential answers to this question, but for our purposes we'll take the following narrative:

Complex numbers can be written in the form (a+bi), where a and b are real numbers. For the variable-averse, this just means we have things like (3+6i) and (5-2i) and (-8+3i). Some amount of "units" (that is, ones), and some amount of i's.

Most people are happy to stop here and say "well, there's two numbers that you're using, so that's two dimensions, ho hum". I think that's underselling it, though, since there's something nontrivial and super cool happening here. See, each complex number has an "absolute value", which is its distance from zero. If you imagine "3+6i" to mean "three meters East and six meters North", then the distance to that point will be 6.708 meters. We say the absolute value of (3+6i), which is written like |3+6i|, is equal to 6.708. Similarly, interpreting "5-2i" to mean "five meters East and two meters South" we get that |5-2i| = 5.385.

The neat thing about this is that absolute values multiply really nicely. For example, the two numbers above multiply to give (3+6i) × (5-2i) = (27+24i) which has a length of 36.124. What's impressive is that this length is the product of our original lengths: 36.124 = 6.708 × 5.385. (Okay technically this is not true due to rounding but for the full values it is true.)

This is what we're going to say is necessary to for a number system to accurately represent a space. You need the numbers to have lengths corresponding to actual lengths in space, and you need those lengths to be "multiplicative", which just means it does the thing we just saw. (That is, when you multiply two numbers, their lengths are multiplied as well.)

There's still of course the question of what "actual lengths in space" means, but we can just use the usual Euclidean method of measurement. So, |3+6i| = √(3²+6²) and |5-2i| = √(5²+2²). This extends directly to the quaternions, which are written as (a+bi+cj+dk) for real numbers a, b, c, d. (Don't worry about what j and k mean if you don't know; it turns out not to really matter here.) The length of the quaternion 4+3i-7j+4k can be calculated like |4+3i-7j+4k| = √(4²+3²+7²+4²) = 9.486 and similarly for other points in "four-dimensional space". These are the kinds of number systems we're looking for.

[To be explicit, for those who know the words: What we are looking for is a vector algebra over the real numbers with a prescribed basis under which the Euclidean norm is multiplicative and the integer lattice forms a subring.]

Part Two: Sums of Squares

Now for something completely different. Have you ever thought about which numbers are the sum of two perfect squares? Thirteen works, for example, since 13 = 3² + 2². So does thirty-two, since 32 = 4² + 4². The squares themselves also work, since zero exists: 49 = 7² + 0². But there are some numbers, like three and six, which can't be written as a sum of two squares no matter how hard you try. (It's pretty easy to check this yourself; there aren't too many possibilities.)

Are there any patterns to which numbers are a sum of two squares and which are not? Yeah, loads. We're going to look at a particularly interesting one: Let's say a number is "S2" if it's a sum of two squares. (This thing where you just kinda invent new terminology for your situation is common in math. "S2" should be thought of as an adjective, like "orange" or "alphabetical".) Then here's the neat thing: If two numbers are S2 then their product is S2 as well.

Let's see a few small examples. We have 2 = 1² + 1², so we say that 2 is S2. Similarly 4 = 2² + 0² is S2. Then 2 × 4, that is to say, 8, should be S2 as well. Indeed, 8 = 2² + 2².

Another, slightly less trivial example. We've seen that 13 and 32 are both S2. Then their product, 416, should also be S2. Lo and behold, 416 = 20² + 4², so indeed it is S2.

How do we know this will always work? The simplest way, as long as you've already internalized the bit from Part 1 about absolute values, is to think about the norms of complex numbers. A norm is, quite simply, the square of the corresponding distance. (Okay yes it can also mean different things in other contexts, but for our purposes that's what a norm is.) The norm is written with double bars, so ‖3+6i‖ = 45 and ‖5-2i‖ = 29 and ‖4+3i-7j+4k‖ = 90.

One thing to notice is that if your starting numbers are whole numbers then the norm will also be a whole number. In fact, because of how we've defined lengths, the norm is just the sum of the squares of the real-number bits. So, any S2 number can be turned into a norm of a complex number: 13 can be written as ‖3+2i‖, 32 can be written as ‖4+4i‖, and 49 can be written as ‖7+0i‖.

The other thing to notice is that, since the absolute value is multiplicative, the norm is also multiplicative. That is to say, for example, ‖(3+6i) × (5-2i)‖ = ‖3+6i‖ × ‖5-2i‖. It's pretty simple to prove that this will work with any numbers you choose.

But lo, gaze upon what happens when we combine these two facts together! Consider the two S2 values 13 and 32 from before. Because of the first fact, we can write the product 13 × 32 in terms of norms: 13 × 32 = ‖3+2i‖ × ‖4+4i‖. So far so good. Then, using the second fact, we can pull the product into the norms: ‖3+2i‖ × ‖4+4i‖ = ‖(3+2i) × (4+4i)‖. Huzzah! Now, if we write out the multiplication as (3+2i) × (4+4i) = (4+20i), we can get a more natural looking norm equation: ‖3+2i‖ × ‖4+4i‖ = ‖4+20i‖ and finally, all we need to do is evaluate the norms to get our product! (3² + 2²) × (4² + 4²) = (4² + 20²)

The cool thing is that this works no matter what your starting numbers are. 218 = 13² + 7² and 292 = 16² + 6², so we can follow the chain to get 218 × 292 = ‖13+7i‖ × ‖16+6i‖ = ‖(13+7i) × (16+6i)‖ = ‖166+190i‖ = 166² + 190² and indeed you can check that both extremes are equal to 63,656. No matter which two S2 numbers you start with, if you know the squares that make them up, you can use this process to find squares that add to their product. That is to say, the product of two S2 numbers is S2.

Part Four: Why do we skip three?

Now we have all the ingredients we need for our cute little proof soup! First, let's hop to the quaternions and their norm. As you should hopefully remember, quaternions have four terms (some number of units, some number of i's, some number of j's, and some number of k's), so a quaternion norm will be a sum of four squares. For example, ‖4+3i-7j+4k‖ = 90 means 90 = 4² + 3² + 7² + 4².

Since we referred to sums of two squares as S2, let's say the sums of four squares are S4. 90 is S4 because it can be written as we did above. Similarly, 7 is S4 because 7 = 2² + 1² + 1² + 1², and 22 is S4 because 22 = 4² + 2² + 1² + 1². We are of course still allowed to use zeros; 6 = 2² + 1² + 1² + 0² is S4, as is our friend 13 = 3² + 2² + 0² + 0².

The same fact from the S2 numbers still applies here: since 7 is S4 and 6 is S4, we know that 42 (the product of 7 and 6) is S4. Indeed, after a bit of fiddling I've found that 42 = 6² + 4² + 1² + 1². I don't need to do that fiddling, however, if I happen to be able to calculate quaternions! All I need to do is follow the chain, just like before: 7 × 6 = ‖2+i+j+k‖ × ‖2+i+j‖ = ‖(2+i+j+k) × (2+i+j)‖ = ‖2+3i+5j+2k‖ = 2² + 3² + 5² + 2². This is a different solution than the one I found earlier, but that's fine! As long as there's even one solution, 42 will be S4. Using the same logic, it should be clear that the product of any two S4 numbers is an S4 number.

Now, what goes wrong with three dimensions? Well, as you might have guessed, it has to do with S3 numbers, that is, numbers which can be written as a sum of three squares. If we had any three-dimensional number system, we'd be able to use the strategy we're now familiar with to prove that any product of S3 numbers is an S3 number. This would be fine, except, well…

3 × 5 = 15.

Why is this bad? See, 3 = 1² + 1² + 1² and 5 = 2² + 1² + 0², so both 3 and 5 are S3. However, you can check without too much trouble that 15 is not S3; no matter how hard you try, you can't write 15 as a sum of three squares.

And, well, that's it. The bucket has been kicked, the nails are in the coffin. You cannot make a three-dimensional number system with the kind of nice norm that the complex numbers and quaternions have. Even if someone comes to you excitedly, claiming to have figured it out, you can just toss them through these steps: • First, ask what the basis is. Complex numbers use 1 and i; quaternions use 1, i, j, and k. Let's say they answer with p, q, and r. • Second, ask them to multiply (p+q+r) by (2p+q). • Finally, well. If their system works, the resulting number should give you three numbers whose squares add to 15. Since that can't happen, you've shown that the norm is not actually multiplicative; their system doesn't capture the geometry of three dimensions.

[harbingersecho]

misrecognition is not ignorance

[hella1975]

the thing about trauma and i think the reason im always more compelled by characters who lash out as a result of it instead of being made stronger by it is that it’s pointless. none of that shit happened for a reason. there’s nothing you’re supposed to do now that it happened. i can’t stand narratives that romanticise trauma bc the reality of it is that you went through that for no reason and you have to just deal and keep going. there’s nothing beautiful or brave about it. no one is writing you for it to mean something. it’s just… there

[gyarucoded]

sorry but this post just pissed me fr, i need a moment to talk. basically i freshly became a valcarol shipper (they kinda been the only thing i've been thinking of ever since i saw the marvels-) and i came across this as i was looking up stuff abt them and...

...sorry but like? what is the point of pitying the two pairing together when they are both getting the same awful mistreatment by marvel and d*sney??

sure i don't deny, there are some inviduals out there who purely ship them out of fetishizing or that there are misogynists (mostly thowards sylvie obv) cuz no fanbases are perfect but literally tf does that got to do with wether the ship is queerbait or not..? where is the colleration exactly? 2+2=fish ?

using "two characters that have been called queer on social media" as counter-argument is so esp weird as if loki isn't canonically bi...my brother in christ, the same way brunhilde is. like op's really going nowhere 😭

let's look over facts: 1. valcarol has good chemistry, kissed on cheeck, shipped by cast, one's canon bisexual in the pairing and had a line cut out due it confirming the two's relationship to not loose homophobic audiences, 2. lokius has good chemisrty, one's canon bisexual in the pairing, has a theme titled after their ship name, constant romantic under-tones & pararrels with f/m canon ships, shipped by cast, they had to rewrite the entire 5th ep bc of something "controversial" *cough* cheeck kiss *cough* bc they r "basically trying make the relationship canon without loosing homophobic audiences" yes. (SORRY IF I LEFT ANYTHING ELSE OUT BTW)

so looking all over these i can only wonder where this whole narrative comes from 😵‍💫

but i'll say: it lokius is queerbait ! valcarol is queerbait !

anyways if we not gonna be besties at least let's not trying to be so competitive and use a fairly similar ship and invalidate it just to "prove a point" ok plsss🙏 🫶

[absolute-decay]

Sigh

On one hand, Disliking Togachaco as a ship, and wanting more interactions and character focoused conversations between Toga and Izuku.

On the other, the fact that Toga's and Ochaco's characters and arcs are perfect for a Villain Hero dynamic, which is done incredibly, along with Izuku already having an incredible Hero Villain Dynamic with Tomura.

Conflictions, conflictions.

[moomeecore]

ppl reviewing anti lawn books on goodreads and going "this is preachy" yeah its about a political movement what do you want. are they supposed to NOT advocate for their beliefs

[timeofjuly]

I’ve been too scared to reread rtc to work out what needs to happen in chapter 13 because I convinced myself that the whole fic is a flaming pile of cringey flimsy garbage, but ya know what, I finally gathered the courage to (skim) read it and it’s not as bad as I thought lol. My interpretation and understanding of the characters has changed a lot since I started writing it (thank you to all of the extraordinarily talented writers in this fandom whose works have since shaped my characterisation for the better) so if I could go back, I’d make some different choices. But - and this is me putting this into words in an attempt to convince myself of its truth - this is a hobby, not a test. I’m not a failure because I’m not retroactively meeting the standards I have for my writing today with words I wrote six months ago. Are there bits of clumsy writing and mischaracterisation? Yes, absolutely. Does that mean I’m a bad writer and a bad person who should throw their laptop out the window and never write another word again? Probably not lol, even if rereading that mischaracterisation makes me want to do exactly that.

I’m glad I’ve pulled the bandaid off and reread it, a) because I kinda know what I want to happen in the next chapter now and b) because rereading it, despite the Shame and Embarrassment, reminded me that I actually like writing rtc. Even the bits I cringe at now - I remember having fun writing them. And then I looked back at some comments and remembered how much I love the sense of community that comes with putting myself out there, even though being perceived by others is probably my biggest fear. I like writing, and I like sharing my writing. Why am I letting shame ruin this for myself? I want to stop feeling icky and embarrassed about things I worked hard on.

Anyway. All this to say: I like writing rtc, despite the flaws I see in it, so I need to learn to work through my learned response to imperfection, which is to just feel terrible about it lol. I’m going to start messing around with chapter 13 soon. I really do miss playing around in the rtc world and I’m so excited to show you all what I have planned for the characters <3

[lilmaemae]

rereading your own fics to see where you left off is tough bc i just reread it and now i want to delete the whole chapter?? would people even notice that a chapter is missing?? or would it collective fever dream??

[timemachineyeah]

the fact that I cannot simply quit my job. there’s plenty of food and space and skilled people in the world. things could function so much better with a tenth the labor if we were efficient about it. but we aren’t. and under capitalism I love my job - I am incredibly lucky to have it and even find it fulfilling in its way. but also I am disabled and my life would be 1000% easier if I just didn’t have to find miracle jobs to make what still comes to below poverty wages given how few hours I can manage. but even though the amount of money I make is play money to other people, it’s the only thing giving me dignity, both the dignity of privacy in spending and the false dignity of being a “productive member of society”. plus, like, I gotta eat and feed my cats, even if I’m currently rent free. but sometimes I think about the ways money and my job (and their relationship with my health) play as such large factors in my decision making and I just think, ideally, those would have less weight. ideally I could just quit my job and somehow still have money. not because I don’t love the work, but because of the limitations having to maintain both a work schedule and my fatigue put on me.

[italofobia]

the thing people don't get about leona is that he wants to be wanted

[tangents-within-tangents]

Would that there was a faithful, accurate adaptation of Dracula so that Jonathan Decker and Alan Seawright could discuss the nontoxic masculinity, healthy friendships, and the BEST MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IN FICTIONAL HISTORY but nooo!

[boxwinebaddie]

Hi Uncle Neen! HYH! It sucks to see you struggling cuz you are a big inspiration of mine :( but you said you did your makeup the other day. Can we seeeeeeeeee maybe?

d'awwww ksahdlkdss, you are so sweet, nonnie! thank you so so soooo much, baby! xx i really needed this. i hope i heal ( i will...i have to, i am too much of an asshole to let god win, fuck him ) and i hope you heal from whatever harms you as well! you can do it! mWAH!~

-- also brb crying ;-; <3333 whenever y'all tell me i inspire you, it seriously makes me want to cry; you mean SO much to me, so to mean so much to you; it's Everything to me, my love. thank you for believing in me, know i believe infinitely in YOU and will keep fighting the good fight, living authentically and modelling pos behavior on this blog bc i take being a role model very seriously. :')

BUT ANYWAYS! sakhdlasd oh my god aaAaaAAAaa please!!! YOU ARE SO CUTE, THIS IS SO CUTE OF YOU, hELP AAAAA!!!!!! but yes, of course, of course. considering i am super bacteria nina right now and had to resign from my ( admittedly ) trash job and am no longer, at this moment, an education girlie ( besides on here, ofc, educating you on my two gay sons in love ), i can freely exist and post pictures of myself again! thank you for for giving me a safe place to do that. <3

i'll elaborate on what 'safe' means to me down below, but just for context i took this...sigh...last week, when i was told i would 'all better', just trying to feel like myself again after a month of being unmadeup and unfitted and ugly and troll-like and on death fucking row and fucking miserable as hell, i had my new hair appointment lined up, was about ready to take life by the balls again...and that shit BLUE BALLED ME SO HARD AND SAID *ravenstan vc* JK, BABY!

okay, sorry i have some really bad scarring and wounding up there by my neck so i had to cover her up but...there she is! the she beast!

as for posting pictures of myself just...please...PLEASE BE KIND. and i wish i meant that as a joke, i mean it very, VERY seriously. i am at a point right now, where i look my very fucking worst, i am weaker than i have ever been in my life, there are abrasions all over my body, which per the results of my culture ( i was right...several fucking times and no one would listen to me ) my body is trying to kill me and right now...it is Winning. ( i'm not gonna lose tho, dw, i am a nasty bitch from hell and i refuse to die this ugly, i fucking won't; choke )

tldr; I AM VERY VERY VERY SENSITIVE ABOUT HOW I LOOK. I DO NOT FEEL PRETTY, I AM LIKE ONE BAD COMMENT AWAY FROM TEARING THE SKIN OFF MY FACE AND I AM TELLING YOU GUYS I CANNOT DO THAT, I CANT CREATE ANY TEARING ON MY BODY OR THE BACTERIA WILL TUNNEL AND ITS HARD ENOUGH AS A BITCH WITH DERMATILOMANIA.

PLEASE BE NICE TO ME.

i know we shoot the shit on here and are funny and clown eachother, you guys are my family; it's what families do, but my boundary is that you can say i am pretty and be objectively kind or Please do not send me anything At ALL about how i look; i CANNOT take it rn. i know were just joking, but please, please, PLEASE Do NOT compare me to any ugly creatures, make me feel weird about any part of my face, tell me i look blurry, say anything is too big or too small…

please don’t meme on me abt my appearance...Ever.

it’s a very sensitive spot for me and makes me v anxious.

all this to say, i love you; thank you for being my home.

HYH.

-uncle nina, single ravesey mother and human petri dish

[halfbakedhedonist]

Being an mlp fan is like some kind of cruel, cosmic punishment for me. A show with a predominantly female cast with diverse personalities set in an interesting fantasy matriarchy world. It's like it was made for me. And yet of all things this show attracts the worst men that have ever existed.

[roguemonsterfucker]

don't mind me i'm just watching some monsterfucker movies for 'research' purposes