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trutimeline · 4 years

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idislikecispeople, The Most Infamous Dyscourse Blogger: Part 1.0, Rumors

idislikecispeople, also known as many names throughout her time on Tumblr (such as Adele, Kat, Mami, Samantha and Sayaka), was a former Tumblr blogger who became infamous for coining the term "tucute", among many other controversial things she has posted on her blogs. This was supposed to be one, very long masterpost about her, but Tumblr's post editor is a bitch and won't let me do that.

In this post, I'll be debunking or confirming rumors commonly spread about idislikecispeople. The rest of my posts about her will each be dedicated to a specific controversial belief she held or situations she got into. For simplicity's sake, I'll be referring to idislikecispeople as Kat for the rest of this post and future ones.

Rumors

Kat Coined the Terms "Truscum" and "Tucute"

Verdict: Partially True

Kat coined the term tucute, but she did not coin the terms truscum or transmedicalist.

Here's a screenshot of Kat's original definition of a tucute:

Transcript:

What is Tucute?

What does tucute mean?

Tucute is basically just the opposite of truscum, it’s a term and community for trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis individuals created to separate anti-truscum from truscum and to serve as a safe place from truscum and from cis people, where they believe that being trans requires dysphoria, we do not,where they think that being trans is a medical condition, we do not,and where they deny numerous gender identities on the basis that it “discredits the trans community” we do not.

What are the prerequisites to be a part of the tucute community?

You have to be trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis in general

You have to accept all pronouns and gender identities

You haveto believe that dysphoria is not necessary to be trans

You have to dislike truscum

You cannot side with truscum or believe in their ideology

You cannot misgender anyone no matter how mad they make you

You cannot be an ableist whatsoever

Did you invent the tucute community? Why?

I indeed did coin the tucute term and community and anyone who says otherwise are creeps who are trying to steal it from me and redefine it for their own nefarious doings. I started this community so anti-truscum could separate themselves from truscum and cis people who are a part of the truscum community, it serves as a safe space from both truscum and cis people.

I’m cis, can I be tucute if I believe in your movement and want to help?

No, you can’t be tucute if you’re cis, you can only be a tucute ally, and you need to be sure to never speak for or over a trans person.

I see a lot of tucuties being just as harmful as truscum, what will you do about it?

There isn’t much I can do to them other than ask them to stop aligning with the tucute community, and of course, that doesn’t mean they will. Also be noted that truscum and cis people will pretend to be tucute just to tarnish the name of the tucute community, so tread lightly, you might be talking to a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Spread the word, use the tag #tucute and join the army today!

[A digital drawing of Sayaka Miki from Puella Magi Madoka Magica in her magical girl form, with a banner underneath her reading "Tucute 4 U!"]

(source) (source)

Kat Was a Cisgender Woman Who Lied About Being a Transgender Woman

Verdict: False

This rumor primarily comes from a post on Kat's oldest known Tumblr blog, chromaghost, where she claims that she wasn't MTF and only tagged a selfie as such because she thought that transgender people were "cool".

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: are you a mtf? i seen it tagged on one of your photos.

No lol. I wanted to post it to the tag because transgender people are cool :3

(source) (source) (source)

However, Kat addressed this post and made it clear she very much was a transgender woman multiple times on her later blogs. This claim can also be confirmed with nude photos Kat posted online, which I don't feel comfortable spreading, so you'll just have to trust me on that one. I also don't feel comfortable directly encouraging you to go and dig up those nudes, as most of her nude photos were either taken when she was a minor, spread without her consent and/or were uploaded because people pressured her into posting nudes to "prove" she was a transgender woman.

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: you bound with ace bandage in one of your selfies. i don't know what to think about you anymore. according to some people you're a 27 year old cis woman scamming us, but you say you're a 22 year old trans woman. i want to trust you but i don't know if i can. i'm sorry.

Rest assured I’m not 27 years old lol. What you’re referring to is a less than graceful ~art piece~ we did (”Playing a Boy” or something) on deviantART when we were 16/17 (?) and really ill-informed. I ask you to not take that as how I stand currently – as I have learned so much more since, and I have a penis and I was designated male at birth because of it (feel free to purchase a passcode to our nsfw blog to see for yourself). At the time we were developing breast tissue but still had to appear as a ‘boy.’ Don’t bind with Ace bandages, kids, it can damage your rib cage, something we didn’t know at the time.

(source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of two prescriptions, estradiol and spironolactone, both prescribed to Adele Sheffield.]

grandtran still gonna think I photoshopped it or what

(source)

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: In other words, you aren't gonna cough up the pics because you know you can't fake that shit because you're actually cis. Cool. BTW why do you keep changing your story about the blog, and if the blog was run by you when you were in denial about being trans because of self hate, why were the pics tagged mtf and you were constantly saying trans people were cool?

Yeah I’m not gonna do something for y’all and get nothing in return except more doubt from you, you see how one sided that kind of request is? Also its technically considered sexual harassment, just because its on the internet, you’re a coward (whats your username btw?), and you think I’m cis and you want me to prove time and time again to you that I’m dmab doesn’t justify sexually soliciting someone when they’re not comfortable in being solicited – for free no less.

At first I genuinely had no memory of that blog, it was only active for all of 2 months and for some reason I moved onto a new email and new tumblr, and I haven’t the foggiest why. As for the whole “me claiming to not be ~mtf~” I don’t have any memories from that time, I can only assume it was a lot of dysphoria fueled self-hatred and wanting to be seen/pass as a cis girl lesbian.

If you’re really gonna solicit nudes from a trans woman (a second time) as they do sex work to try and stay on their feet without offering anything in return just so your transmisogynistic ass can get off to trying to tell me my dick is fake isn’t classy at all. I perish the thought of what you’re parents would think of this behavior from you. But yeah, feel free to send some money to my paypal so I can get the gender markers on my records changed because that’s gonna cost a lot apparently, and I’ll definitely send you the dick pics you want. :)

(source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of a a hospital bracelet on Kat's wrist. The patient's name is Adele Sheffield and her sex is labeled as "M".]

(source)

Kat Lied About Having Diabetes To Get Money From Tumblr Users

Verdict: False

This doesn't need much commentary from me, just view the screenshots below.

Transcript:

To the people who keep harping on me buying a $15 video game for my mental health 7 MONTHS ago “with my donation money,” well, here you go, some proof, links and screenshots provided

So for everyone spreading misinformation about me spending $15 on a video game for my mental health, here’s a full list of reasons why there is no way, shape, or form I spent my paypal money on it:

Yes, I spent $15 of my own money after selling one of my possessions, not denying it:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she shows off a copy of Fall Out: New Vegas, marked with a price of $14.99. The date of the post is marked as July 21, 2014 at 06:28.39 PM.]

Be sure to look at the date, July 21st, 2014 6:28 PM. Now lets look at my first donation post asking for help:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she asks for donations to be able to afford insulin because she has no insurance. The date of the post is marked as July 20, 2014 at 08:14.00 PM.]

Hmm, one day before the purchase of said game, July 20th 2014 at 8:14 PM. Now, I’ve never heard of a video game store — much less a non-chain video game store accepting payment for video games in the form of virtual Amazon gift cards, have you? Oh, but you’re gonna say, “well you bought the game with your paypal donations anyway!” Well, here’s exhibit C:

[Another screenshot of a separate post made by Kat where she is also asking for donations to be able to afford insulin. The date of the post is marked as July 23, 2014 at 12:27.46 PM.]

Again, looking at the date of this posting which is the original donations post, you can see it was posted on July 23rd, 2014 at 12:27 PM, a full 2 days after I had bought the game. Now, if there’s no way for me to use Amazon gift cards for a real life video game store, then how can I go back in time a minimum of 2 full days to give past me $15 to buy said game, hm? This isn’t even accounting for the fact that I didn’t even have my own bank account associated with it until over a week later, and it surely doesn’t account for the fact that it takes up to 5 days to transfer from paypal to your bank account. All the dates are linked to the original unedited posts so you can see for yourself, and for added measure my first deposit was on August 14th, 2014:

[A screenshot of a deposit made by Kat. The date is marked as 08/14/14.]

Oh but yeah, anti-sjs, truscum, and the like took damniwishidthoughtofabettername’s postthey used to gaslight us with misinformation and you all bought it. Tell me how I could misuse donations that I could not use outside of Amazon and money I didn’t even start receiving until a full two days later, let alone the fact that there’s no way I could have transferred said money and used it two days prior as of the date of the paypal donations post.

I hope some of y’all could reblog this and get the word out, I’m sick and tired of people buying into that misinformation that person did solely to gaslight me as a means to try and disrupt my donations drive.

(source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

[A selfie of Kat holding up a vial of Novolin to the camera.]

Hey anon, I don’t feel comfy giving you my receipts (because doxxing is a thing) but here you go, a selfie with my most recent insulin purchase. 👽

(source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: Getting desperate for money again I see. How is your fake diabetes lately. I bet your blood sugar is like 800 this time and you're still able to be alive somehow.

You got me, I’m ~totally faking~

[A selfie of Kat. In the background several items used by diabetics are seen such as insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.]

[A picture that gives us a closer look at the background of the previous selfie.]

[A selfie of Kat holding up two vials, one of Lantus and the other of Humalog.]

Gee, must be one dedicated faker, right? To have hundreds of dollars of insulin equipment and insulin itself. Hmmm… Insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.. oh and insulin, hmmmm….

Oh and because you didn’t learn from last time you don’t die instantly when your blood sugar goes over 600 lol, something anyone who studies endocrinology can tell you, and I would know, being a diabetic, having to be hospitalized numerous times for ketoacidosis where the blood sugar has been too high for too long. Things you clearly do not know and you’re just jumping on the disableist bandwagon. I have an idea of who you are anyway, just doing this for future reference.

(source)

#idislikecispeople #dyscourse #transmed #truscum #tucute

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vivrepourleslivres · 5 years

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Hey, I know you already graduated so sorry if this is a bit off topic! I'm starting at Oxford next month to do law, and I'm a bit panicked about the reading. I feel like I read pretty slowly, especially if I'm taking notes (which I kind of have to if I want to focus at all), and it just seems like they're so much raw material I don't know if I'll keep up. Is that something you ever struggled with? How many pages did you tend to have to read in a day? I worry I'll have to stop sleeping ngl

Well, congratulations on getting into Oxford! That in and of itself is not an easy task so it’s always a good thing to remember when workload is stressing you out that your tutors must have picked you for a reason, and that they think you can handle it even if sometimes you feel like you can’t. Also, I may not be able to give as many examples as I would like because I’m currently in the process of moving so all my old reading lists and breakdowns are in a box somewhere…

First, everyone struggles with reading. EVERYONE. Even if they don’t admit it. Law is one of, if not the most, intensive subjects when it comes to the sheer amount of reading you have to do. The Law Faculty describes the workload by saying it should be around 30-40 hours a week – a fulltime job essentially. However, this is quite a bit exaggerated. Of course, it all depends on what college you’re in and who your tutors are, but you can get by just fine without forcing yourself to be glued to a textbook/casebook/WestLaw all day:

· You do not have to read the entire reading list of cases. Your tutors will hopefully make this clear to you, and if they don’t then the finalist lawyers in your college definitely should. Every reading list I was ever given by a tutor had certain cases in bold or marked by an asterisk. These are the must-reads, which you will have to know and come exam time will likely be referencing often. You should read the entirety of these cases, including all the judgements, even if there is no dissent in the case. It’s by knowing the little details in each judge’s reasoning in these cases that you get in the 67-74 mark realm, which is where you want to be. There’s usually a couple of these per reading list, but no more than ten on any one list I would say. For cases that are not bold or marked, your tutor will probably tell you to read these anyway. I did this in my first year and it just stressed me out without helping much. It’s kind of a thing you have to get a feel for. I would read the headnote of the case (so the facts and the summary of the judgement), and decide whether it was important from that. If the case is mentioned a lot in the important cases because it was at one point important precedent, it’s probably still a good idea to read it. If not, and if it is on a very small subsection in the reading list (like trustees de son tort in trusts), I wouldn’t bother. The only other thing I’d add with regards to cases is that recent cases (so for you anything that came out [2017] or later) is probably worth reading because tutors like to bring them up. If your tutor insists that every case is important, look up the faculty reading list for that subject on WebLearn, as the most important cases are highlighted there as well. You can also use the faculty list if you want some more cases/articles for your essay but the tutor hasn’t provided many.

· Textbook reading can be hit or miss. A good chunk of your weekly reading can come from the assigned textbook chapter. From what I remember it’s usually around 70 pages per subject per week, and for your first two years you’ll be on a subject and a half a term so around 70-140 pages a week from the textbook? Tutors have their own textbook preferences, and will probably point you towards a certain one, but some subjects do not really (in my opinion) fully warrant investment into a textbook – I barely ever used my EU law or my administrative law textbooks, I think I only opened the second for my final! I also think there is something to be said for trying to understand the cases in your own way before reading the textbook, as some of the authors are very biased in their explanations. Other subjects however (especially Intro to Roman Law) are more focussed on textbooks because of their nature. You’ll figure it out pretty quickly though were textbooks are important and where they’re not. I would however highly suggest the Text, Cases, and Materials series though! These combine a textbook and a casebook, and are pretty up-to-date on new developments. My contract one was honestly a god send, and I cut a lot of cases and textbook reading out of my week because of those books.

· Articles. I’ll be honest, I would usually only read an article if it directly correlated to the essay, or was under 20 pages. Articles are your tools for getting a 70s, but you can get very high 2:1s without having to read many of them. Articles in my opinion are more time consuming than textbook reading – there was a week of admin reading that ended in five 60 articles on the same topic and that was actual hell. It’s also rather difficult in an exam setting to remember many articles and academic viewpoints unless you completely drill them into your head so… Yeah – you don’t need to read many, and you certainly don’t have to read all of them (but if you’re really interested in the subject and have the time – go for it!)

· Legislation. This applies mainly to land law and it’s heavy reliance on statute – literally glance at the sections on the list and post them all into a word document which you keep open during tutorials. You’ll get to know the really important sections through the cases, so don’t waste time on trying to remember it all (especially since you’re allowed statute books in exams). For EU law (which also relies on legislation quite a bit), maybe have a closer look at the actual wording and the implication of it, but again you get a statute book so…(also EU is a finalist subject so I’m getting a bit ahead of myself)

· Your finalists are your friends. I mean upper years in general, but the finalists are the ones with all the tips and tricks because you get so stressed you learn all the ways to cut corners :D Do not be afraid to ask your seniors for notes! This does depend somewhat on college (again), but in my college a dropbox is made each year by the graduating cohort of all their finals notes (so I’ve just done this), and second years add in their moderations notes as well. These are great because they let you skip cases (providing the notes include case summaries) and can even point out those little differences in judge’s reasoning that I was talking about earlier (like the three-way split in Re Baden’s 2). So don’t be afraid to ask for notes, or even for advice on what you can safely skip knowing your tutor.

· They ease you into it. You’ll do criminal law, constitutional law, and an introduction to roman private law over your first two terms, doing a subject and a half per term. Of those three, criminal law is the only case-heavy subject. Constitutional law and roman are mainly textbook/article based. So you shouldn’t have a very intense workload until Trinity term at the earliest (outside of revision for mods in Hillary) at which point you should have found your ideal work pace. So try not to worry too much about it all happening too much at once.

Honestly, I think it’s kind of an Oxford thing that we somewhat exaggerate how much work we do. Personally, I would divide my reading list into chunks (usually about a third of a side of A4) and say – this is how much I’m going to get done each day. Most reading lists are 2/3 sides of A4 I would say? I could still have days where I wouldn’t get that chunk done and would still be okay and reach the deadline. So I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Also you could make arrangements with other fresher lawyers to take certain parts of the reading list, but I maybe wouldn’t do that until you know them and how they approach cases/reading/notes, etc.

I hope this wasn’t too ramble-y and did somewhat help. I’m totally happy to answer any questions you have about Oxford/law despite graduating because it helps me relieve my youth and avoid the real world :L Good luck for your first year!

#ask #oxford #oxford university #university of oxford #law

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lil-birch · 5 years

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004 - Yes, I was in Washington; NO, I was not on "vacation".

Ew. You know when you look at a word for a long time and it starts to sound and look radically different in your head? Yeah, that just happened to me with "vacation". Yikes.

ANYways

I'm in the ACE van on the way back to AZ and I've managed to leave my journal inside my work bag, so consider this blog entry to be a direct deposit of my thoughts processing one of the best/worst month-long experiences of my life (if this were in a pie chart, I'd say like... 80% best/20% worst (and considering the bad parts are meant to be learned from anyways, really only like 10% bad)). Besides, how bad can life be when it's being lived in an ethereal paradise? Rejoice! Rejoice even when sh*t is whack!

One of the best things? The view of the meadow halfway through the hike up:

Let's start with the schedule of this hitch:

6 am - wake up call. gentle sun trickling through the ponderosa pines to lift the eyelids. honey-nut-oat cereal with blueberry kefir and green tea is a must.

7 am - depart camp for Blue Lake trail.

7:30 am - begin Safety Circle, which is the crew's time to review what is important for us and the climbers around us. we then ask our Question of the Day (QOTD) as we stretch, which can vary from describing the person to your left as a dinner or releasing a cathartic screech that signifies your mating call. Very fun stuff to get the ol' Positive Mental Attitude (PMA) warmed up.

7:45 - 8 am - depart trailhead for Climbing Access Reroute worksite.

9 am - arrive at worksite. the fun begins.

The central focus for this month-long hitch was to utilize dry masonry practices by building staircases into pre-existing trail to reduce erosion, social trails, and thus allow natural biodiversity to flourish since the soil and hikers aren't trampling all over them.

(Staircase #1 w/ Anna & Staircase #2 w/ Connor)

I built two staircases with my crewmates and did some digging/retaining wall work with two other staircases. The key with building staircases is to gain a ton of height in the trail, as well as provide an easy surface for water to run over vs. the water running over the plain soil. So, we set taller steps with pinners (side rocks to hold steps in place with the power of ROCK!!!) until the staircase extends through the entire section of trail. Voíla! A functional staircase that will, deadass, last 100-200 years. Regardless of whether humankind destroys the Earth in the next 20-30 years or we get smacked by a meteor or whatever... that's still pretty neat. Generations of climbers will be able to use these trails! Even the mountain goats used our staircases!

(Yes, that is only a boulder, not a staircase. BUT SO! CUTE!)

So yes. Real-life Tetris™️, with pickmattocks to dig and double jacks to SMASH ROCK and heaving boulders around in rock nets and then breaking them into pieces with a drill. Siiiiiiiiick.

And the off-days... Olympic National Park!!!!! Seattle! Twisp! (I felt very creative in Twisp. It's really smol and snug.) Bellingham! Forks, the vampire capital of the United States! Wow! There's so much to explore in this state and we only broke the surface.

To be completely honest, there was more mental exploration than physical. Posts 002 & 003 centered more around specific themes I've been writing about in my journal as pertaining to my life, but in a general sense, I think I needed this hitch to regain my Self. Now that I'm in an environment where I'm contantly physically active, eating more nutritious foods, consistently meditating and practicing yoga, and being challenged to push my limits, it's a little unsettling to look back over the past year and see how unhealthy I was. Mental illness and all that aside, I continously put the needs of school, work, and extracurriculars ahead of nourishing my body and soul. As much as I do miss college (see also: my friends and my professors and theatre and the radio), I don't particularly miss the toxic environment surrounding academia.

Its been particularly difficult trying to find peace with that unhealthy behavior. With any of it, really. I'm finding that while digging through my experiences, the guilt of how I *should have* done something or how I *handled something with very little tact or was just an abnormally evil goblin* in a situation gets overwhelming. Past me isolated myself away from a lot of people because I wanted to stop being a burden, or felt I was annoying them, or just couldn't handle the aforementioned guilt. How do you come to terms with the fact that for such a long time, you felt like a completely different person because, deep down, you were so unhealthy and unhappy?

Cultivation is a great way to start.

This is a word I overused hecka in my spring senior research capstone (thanks, plant communication!) but it's such an apt descriptor. Like, my brain, body, and soul might have been overgrown with weeds and mold and weird bugs but I'll be damned if I can't get back in there, yank those suckers out, and start a whole new garden that's ready to flourish. I've got wood chips and a fire lit under my ass. It's time to recultivate these neglected spaces, to create a new way of living that actually feels how living is supposed to. I'm tired of the past preventing me from this new era of flourishing.

The best part about cultivation is that all you need to start it is yourself. This is also the hardest part, considering that if you don't particularly like yourself it's a bit harder to get started. But one day, you'll wake up and agree with the inner calm deep inside your head that something needs to change. That day is exuberant; I wish and hope that everyone experiences it.

Here's to sunshine and self-discovery.

🌞🌿

#createandcultivate #gratitude #intention #north cascades #mountains #self love #self reflection #conservation #treat yourself with gentle love #special thank you to:#BROCKHAMPTON #hadestown #above and beyond

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ai-suru-hito-yo · 5 years

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I Was Born To Love You

My first Queen fic! Woo!

Pairing: '90s!Brian May x fem!reader

Summary: It's the eve of your little sister's wedding. You've been running around ragged, planning and setting up. You're exhausted, and Brian finally convinces you to take a break and come have a celebratory drink at the pub.

Warnings: brief mentions of sex, past SugarDaddy!Brian, mentions of death, age difference, possibly terrible writing. This is based on a dream I had last night. I woke up at 3 am and had to write it.

Author's notes: It's so fluffy, I swear to God, call your dentist now, it may rot your teeth. And for the sake of this story, let's pretend Chrissie did leave Brian in the 80's, but Anita (though I LOVE HER) was never in the picture.

This was it. The big day was right around the corner. Your sister was getting married the next day, and you could not possibly be more happy for her. As both her sister and her Maid of Honor, you had been running yourself ragged organizing and planning and helping to make sure everything was perfect for her big day. It was finally the night before, and you were exhausted. Your boyfriend was currently trying to convince you to take a much needed break.

Ugh, you hated that word. "Boyfriend"? You were both grown adults, thank you very much. He, in fact, was quite a bit older than you, which made the term, "boyfriend" seem all the more ridiculous. But what other term was there?

Your relationship had not started out on quite such a...romantic path as it was on now. You had met Brian May just a couple of years after the tragic and heartbreaking loss of Freddie Mercury. You had been working as an assistant to one of the producers of We Will Rock You, and had caught Brian's eye immediately. He invited you out for a drink after a meeting one day, and the two of you had hit it off immediately, despite having a 20 year age difference. Brian gave you his phone number and asked you not to hesitate to call the next time you had a night free.

It had taken a further month after that night before you felt brave enough to make that call. Was it a joke? There's no way this world-famous, wealthy, talented, kind-hearted, legendary, beautiful rock-star could be interested in somebody as plain and simple and "average Joe" as you. You made the call anyway, pulling on your big girl panties and taking the risk. Brian invited you along for dinner and more drinks, an invitation which you gladly accepted, and you ended up spending that night in his bed. It was the next morning, after another round of amazing sex, that Brian made a proposition, one which you found you could not refuse. More world-rocking sex and "night-time" companionship in exchange for wining, dining, and anything else your heart desired, even financial compensation.

It had been three years now, and somewhere around two years ago, your relationship had changed. Shifted. Wining and dining became dates walking through the moonlit garden of Brian's country home, gazing at the stars, or visits to any and every museum you could find (you adored museums). Occasional companionship became listening to Brian break down over missing his father and Freddie, and holding him as he continued to feel hopeless about the future. Anything your heart desired shifted to longing looks from hazel eyes, and a beautiful smile framed by dark bouncing curls. Sex soon turned to love-making, and you found yourselves staying in bed together afterwards, holding each other as you slept, and trading lazy kisses in the morning.

When you introduced Brian to your parents, he was introduced as your boyfriend (oh, that word again). Your mother was very wary of your age difference and of Brian's rockstar lifestyle. Your dad and sister, on the other hand, were huge fans and completely starstruck. Eventually, they all saw how happy you made each other and how serious you were about your relationship, and so Brian May the famous rockstar soon became Brian, your kind, sweet, doting boyfriend (?)

The soft sound of Brian's sweet voice pulled you from your musings, and you shook your head a little to clear it and focus on what he was saying.

"Y/N, my love, you need a break. The rehearsal and dinner went swimmingly, if I may say so," Brian lifted your hand to his lips, kissing your knuckles softly, then reached out his free hand to rest against your jaw, long fingers tangling into your soft hair. "There's nothing more you can do tonight. The church is ready, the reception venue is ready. Come on, darling. Let the caterers finish setting up, and let's go grab a drink, eh? We can go to that pub we went to last week. It was quiet, and it's big enough we can invite everyone along!"

You turned your head to kiss Brian's palm where it rested against your face, and nodded. You knew he preferred this particular pub because no one there recognized him. Or if they did, they had the courtesy not to act like it.

"Yes, alright. Let me make sure everyone knows where we're going, and I'll meet you outside in 5 minutes." You kissed Brian quickly and moved over to where the rest of the wedding party were gathered in conversation.

---------------------------------------------------

When you arrived at the pub, Brian quickly hopped out of the car and came around to open your door as you checked your makeup in your compact mirror. Deeming it acceptable for a quiet night of drinks, you got out of the car. Brian pushed the door shut, and stopped you with a hand on your hip.

"You look beautiful, as always," he said once you turned to look at him. You blushed, and ducked your head. You still had trouble at times with how freely and openly he would compliment you. "I think this dress is my favorite."

You had worn a simple, strappy dress for the evening, light blue with a pattern of roses. It was mostly backless and flowy, as it was early summer and quite warm, even for mid June.

You pushed up on your toes to kiss Brian again, a silent thank you for the compliment. You lingered for a moment, smiling against his lips, before you pulled away, trailing your hand down his arm to his hand. You interlaced your fingers and led him toward the pub.

"I'll get drinks while you get a table?" You nodded, and moved off toward a corner and a comfy-looking booth. You sat down facing the door, just in time for it to open again and to see some familiar faces come through. You waved to your cousin, his wife, and your brother to join you. Your cousin and his wife approached, sitting on the opposite side of the large booth, while your brother, Ethan, approached Brian at the bar.

"Hello, Adam," you greeted. "Hello, Jenisa. Glad you could join us!"

"Of course!" Jenisa answered, pushing her long hair behind her shoulder. "I've been dying for a gin and something all evening, and to catch up with you, but you've kept us all so busy with all the planning and setting up, I barely had a second to say hello!"

You winced slightly. "Sorry about that, J. It's just, Liv's my only sister, and my best friend. I want everything to be perfect."

Jenisa patted your hand on top of the table. "There's no need to apologize, dear! Of course you want the best for her, and we're happy to help."

"Yeah, it's no problem at all, really," Adam chimed in. "Besides, you know she'll be there to repay the favor one day."

You choked on air for a moment, glancing over Adam's shoulder toward the bar. Brian was laughing at something Ethan was saying, shoulders shaking and curls bouncing in that way they always did when he laughed. He truly was breathtaking. You were so distracted by Brian's beautiful smile that you missed the look Adam and Jenisa shared.

"So," Jenisa said, calling your attention back to the table. You looked at her with a dreamy smile still plastered on your face. She grinned. "When's it gonna be your turn?"

You choked on nothing again, eyes widening ever so slightly. You were unsure how to answer that. Marriage was something you had always wanted. You also knew you wanted a family of your own, to be a mother, but it was one of the farthest things from your mind at the moment, which was ironic, considering you were caught up in the middle of wedding planning at the moment. Luckily, you were saved by Brian and Ethan returning to the table with everyone's drinks. Brian set your cider down in front of you before sliding in next to you with his own lager. Your brother slid in next to Adam and Jenisa, distributing their drinks to them.

"Brian bought this round. Cheers, mate!" Ethan tapped his glass against Brian's before taking a long pull.

"Thanks, love," you pressed a quick kiss to Brian's shoulder. "Next round's on me." Brian simply swiped a finger softly down your nose and smiled at you.

You heard the bell above the door ring again, and Liv, your soon-to-be-brother-in-law Michael, and his two brothers entered the pub. You called your sister's name and waved her over. She and the boys took a seat at the next table after greeting everybody and giving Michael their drink orders.

Brian leaned over from his seat next to you to address your sister. "Are you nervous for the big day?"

Your sister giggled and rolled her eyes fondly. "Bri, you've known me for 2 years. When am I not nervous?"

Brian chuckled. "Well, you've no reason to be. I'm sure you'll be a beautiful bride, and you've left everything in the most capable hands I can think of."

Liv leaned around Brian to catch your eye and give you a small but meaningful smile. "Yeah, I know I did. Thanks, Bri. I feel a little less nervous now."

You shifted a little closer to Brian in your seat and intertwined your left arm under his right, taking his hand where it rested on the table and lacing his calloused fingers with your own. He looked down at you and shared a private smile. You felt a little less nervous now, too. Everything would be alright.

---------------------------------------------------

As the evening passed into night, more of your family and friends came and went from the quiet pub, most just stopping in for a drink and a quick congratulations to the bride and groom.

By now you were leaning fully into Brian, who had put his arm around you without breaking your hands apart, so your arm was now crossed over your chest and holding his hand on your shoulder. Honestly, it helped, as you were leaning into Brian so close in hope of stealing some of his body heat. Your dress now seemed like a terrible idea, as you discovered you had chosen a seat directly under an air conditioner vent. Every 20 minutes or so, the system would kick on and blow cold air on you, raising goosebumps on your exposed shoulders and arms. Brian, clothed in all black, seemed to radiate heat, and you were taking full advantage of that.

Another shiver passed through you as you felt the cold air hit your skin again. Brian had noticed the past couple times it happened, and finally spoke up about it, abandoning the conversation he had been involved in with your brother and cousin about what shenanigans they had gotten up to in college.

"Y/N are you okay?" He asked, tilting his head down close to your face. You turned your head, not realizing how close he was, nearly knocking your nose against his. You could feel his warm breath fanning gently over your skin and it felt wonderful.

"Yes, love," you answered with a smile. "I'm great."

"You're shivering. Are you sure you're alright? Do you want to go home?"

You pressed a firm kiss to his lips to silence him. "No, I'm fine. Just keep holding me?"

"Of course, dear. Always."

---------------------------------------------------

You entered the pub's small restroom, turning to close the door, when your way was blocked by somebody leaning against it. You opened the door again and your sister quickly entered behind you, closing and locking the door.

"What do you want, brat? I need to pee."

"I won't stop you," she replied. "I just wanted a moment in private to tell you how much I appreciate everything you're doing for me. I reckon tomorrow we'll be too caught up in everything and then I'll be off on my honeymoon. I don't want to forget to tell you that I love you and appreciate everything you've done for me. You're the best big sister a girl could ever hope for."

She pulled you into a bone-crushing hug, knocking the wind out of you for a moment. You wrapped your arms around her and returned the squeeze as hard as you could.

"Ow! Okay, okay, I feel the love!" Liv stepped back from your embrace and looked at you again before adding, "You know I'll be there to return the favor if you should need me some day."

You pulled her into a gentler embrace before pulling back and pushing her toward the door. "Thank you. Now, get out, I still need to pee."

---------------------------------------------------

When you returned to the table a few minutes later, you were considerably warmer for having gotten up to move around a bit. You noticed Brian had moved over into your unoccupied seat under the vent. He had a funny look on his face, and seemed a little lost in his own world.. The look melted into another gorgeous smile, though, as you sat down again and snuggled back into him.

You soon became engrossed in the conversation your brother was having with Jenisa about cryptozoology, ("Nessie is as real as you and me, sitting here!") content to listen to them arguing from where you were leaned back against Brian's shoulder behind you. You barked out a laugh at another one of Ethan's stupid arguments. Brian tensed behind you for a moment, and you felt more than heard him take a deep breath before leaning down to speak lowly into your ear.

"I have something for you."

Curiosity piqued, you sat up and turned toward him. The nervous look was back again, and you met it with an open look of earnestness. He fumbled in the pocket of his trousers for a moment, before producing a small red box and placing it on the edge of the table directly in front of you. You looked at it, then back at him, then back at the box. Realizing Brian was not about to say another word, you opened the box, before letting out a squeal and quickly shutting it again. You snatched it off the table and held it in your lap, laughing nervously as most of your party turned to look at you.

"Uh, leg cramp. Don't mind me!"

As everyone returned to their conversations, you turned toward Brian more and opened the box again. Inside sat the most beautiful ring you'd ever seen. A simple, thin, white gold band with a small but beautiful cutting of your birthstone. On either side of the stone were small Celtic trinity knots. Your hand covered your mouth as you tried to restrain from gasping. You looked up at Brian, who was watching you closely.

"Brian, I...I dont know what to say."

"Um, I mean, you don't have to say anything? You don't even have to keep it, honestly. I've had it for quite some time now, but I never said anything because I never thought you would accept it. It's just, you mean so much to me and you've helped me so much. I don't think you understand how you helped me after...well, after. Through Rog's fits over trying to finish the last album, and John falling apart. And I know that's a lot of emotional baggage, and you deserve someone young and carefree, but I guess I just got caught up in the moment with weddings on our minds and you look so beautiful tonight, and--what are you doing?"

You took the ring out of the box and examined it again before looking up into beautiful hazel eyes. Eyes you'd be happy to look into for the rest of your days. Well, you thought, at least now I'll have a better word than "boyfriend".

"Which finger do I put this on?"

FIN

---------------------------------------------------

Mmkay, there it is. If you'd like a visual reference to the dress and the ring, there are links embedded. However, if you'd rather not interrupt the flow, there are descriptions. The example ring has a sapphire because that's my birthstone.

I have possible ideas for more if this is well received. Let me know what you think!

#also ik the picture is from the late 80's #but it is the closest i could find to the time frame with the proper look #queen #brian may #brian mayxreader #brian may x reader #brian may x you #bohemian rhapsody #borhap

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ilkkijangege · 5 years

Text

123

Chad Chronicles is on hold while we work from home.

I'll keep updating this post if anything does happen to us.

Basically, I was telling Jacqui how J*ck told me I should join Tinder, use it during work to find out of he is there and if we would match. But Jacqui was like "what if you don't see him there but his friends see you??" So I was like "Then good na he's not on it 😂 as if he's ever talked about me to his friends 😂"

Then, nearly an hour later, I looked at my "Friends You May Know" on FB (there's a rumor that that is a list of people who's viewed your profile) then I saw that one of his friends are on it!!! I was shook, if the algorithm theory is right, then his friend was stalking me which means he has talked about me to his friends. LOL AYAN NANAMAN OVERTHINKING BES EH 😂

Then Jacqui told me how she asked her bf: if you offer a lift to a girl, does that mean he's interested? Her bf said yes but I shouldn't overthink and wait for another big sign.

Anyways, my Mandalorian plan is still going ahead. 😂

20/3/2020

Well, we didn't really talk online, he welcomed one of the guy on our team because he just got his access sorted today but I did not get the same treatment yesterday 😭

It's G tho 😂 Seems like he really is super smart because I looked into one of his chats and he used the word "futile". I'm just....wow big word 😂

Lol anyways, we're out for the weekend, Disney+ comes out on Tuesday, will try to binge it as soon I can so I can message him by Thursday or something 😂 really hope our conversation can flow naturally. Like I will just say "oh I've finished it and I am now obsessed with Baby Yoda or I can see why you are obsessed with Baby Yoda, he is adorable!" Then hopefully he can be like "What did you think of it?" Etc etc and we live happily ever after. CHOS.

21/03/2020

Swear everyone is telling me to either text him or to keep my feet on the ground and let the connection grow.

I REALLY DO NOT KNOW. He keeps doing all these things to me and I am always overthinking it. My friends have told me not to but it is sooo hard. They told me to wait for other signs.

I really want to take a risk and tell him but I really do not want to ruin our new found friendship. I mean I really hope he's just waiting to make more signs because he doesn't think it's time yet or something but I just don't want to give give give and not have anything in return. Haaaay Lord, please help me!

22/03/2020

This morning, I told my mom about the fact that he drove me home. At first, I couldn't tell her immediately, I was just staring at her the whole time and she asked "Anong kailangan mo sakin?" I said "nothing." "Bakit naka tingin ka sakin?" Then finally, I said, "Wala lang, may update lang ako sayo." Then she was like "ano may date ka???" I replied, "No update!!! Hinatid nya ako kila tita nung last time kaming pumasok.." and she was just like "ayie, hinahatid ka na ha." Then she told me, "yan dapat, cool ka lang. Pero tapusin mo muna.." She didn't complete her sentence but I knew she was talking about my FE1s but then she was probably thinking that I am nearly 25 and she should let me be. Hahaha. Then she asks "nag offer ba xa?" Sabi ko oo 😂

Then she asks me if he texts me and I told her no, we only talk in work. Then she replied, "ganun talaga" 😂 hay mother, if she had asked more details, I would have told her how I am getting mixed signals from him kaya di ko tlga sure kung gusto nya din ako 😂 but she didn't, so let's leave that for another time. 😂

Lord, pleaseee I trust you. If he doesn't reach out to me, ako na tlga mag rereach out. Need to binge The Mandalorian asap.

23/03

He keeps reading my messages on our GC immediately but does not with other people

ANO BA GUSTO MO PARAMDAM KA NAMAN PLS

Happened again at 16;09 ANO BA HUHU

24/03

STOP SEEN ZONING MY MESSAGES AS SOON AS I POST THEM AND START TALKING TO ME

25/03

No sign of Chad life anywhere, he was pretty much quiet today, not reading/replying to messages etc

26/03

I FINISHED THE MANDALORIAN YOU GUYS.

I took a risk and messaged him. It took me a whileeeeee but I just took the plunge.

Basically, I asked him how he was and how working from home has been coming along. It took him like 6 mins to reply, which was fine, we were in work so understandable.

He told me he is relaxed but about to get boring. He asked me ‘how about you?’ So I sent him this quite long response how I’ve been relaxed working in my jammies and binged watch Mandalorian, bummed about 2 eps so illegally streamed the rest. Told him that I am now also obsessed with Baby Yoda (he laughed react to this). Then he said how it was dumb for Disney not to release everything at once. (Was upset he didnt ask me what I thought of the show)

Then I told him if Netflix can do it, so can they. But he said people would just sign up for trial, watch it then cancel. Thennnn he asked if I liked it. I said yes except for Ch.6′s characters. He said he thinks you were not meant to like them.

Then I asked him if he thinks Fennec Shand is still alive. He was like which one was HE again? So I told him correction she* (laugh emoji) then explained her character. He was like ‘Oh yeaaahhh. Then boba fett was supposedly the one who found her” I replied ‘yup that’s the theory but I feel like she was pretty much lifeless already and maybe just a teaser for boba fett then?'

Then nearly 3 hours later, I go check our workplace chat and he seenzoned me. Okur. He read the message at 20.27. He better reply tomorrow or I’ll take it a sign that he really just isn’t interested in me.

On a side note, he went on lunch at 6pm, came back at around 7ish but didn't change his Status xD it's either he forgot or na distract na sya sakin CHOS sige laaaangg.

I swear I hope we can talk more tho. Since he seenzoned me, I will not message him again cos I don't want to look eager/desperate so yeah. Byeeeeee.

30/03

STOP READING MY MESSAGES, dear heart and head, STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM.

I know you get notifications that "Bianca messaged..." Does your heart flutter when my name appears? STOP OVERTHINKING BIANCA.

Ayan nnmn tayo sa seenzone eh 14:55. Ano ba?

1/04/20

I had a dream that he messaged me. He asked me how I was and for some reason, he told me to go to Google Music because they were having a sale and that I should make a track for him. (Like what?)

Also dreamt that he took me home again. When we got to our house, he told me we needed to talk. I think he confessed.

Ay ayoko na.

5/4/20

Why do I keep dreaming about him? I dreamt that he messaged me on FB, really long paragraphs of him confessing his feelings.

Urgh.

Oh and I also paid for a tarot reading of how he really sees me. I mean idk if it's real but there are feelings there but there may be a third party but the reader could not 100% confirm it. It is highly probable, he's a single man who could totally date around. The reading also mention how he finds me attractive and sees a long term energy with me. It also says how he may not be ready for a serious romantic relationship but he can see it progressing down the line. But honestly, I do not see him as someone who longs for sex, yknow? I am nearly sure that he could still be a virgin but the fact that he frequented Krystle in college, makes me question it. I mean, he is a white male, it is something I am not super pressed about.

I've just been thinking, if I were to get with a Filipino guy, is there anyone out there who has never had a girlfriend or who has even dated anyone?

Chad really gives me the vibe of never having a girlfriend before but I really see him as not looking for anything at the moment to focus on his dream job.

6/4/20

Okay, why did I have a dream that he proposed to me??

I think we argued over something and then a few days later, he proposed. Wtf.

From what I remember, he only proposed in his car. lol

8/4/20

So we had a team call today. He has not been working since like Thursday last week because he could not get his VPN to work.

But dang. I heard his voice after 3 weeks. He sounds the same as in real life but his American accent is more prominent 😂

Then our TL said we might still be working from home for the next 3-4 months and I'm just like. HUHUHU.

Will I be over you by then?

10/04/20

Had a dream we were back in the office and we were having banters again like nothing has changed.

I think he also messaged me on Facebook one of these isolation days...

I swear I know it was probably unintentional for him to ghost me like that.

11/04/20

So I've been searching his Gamer tag on Google, even before I decided to let go of him and there is this one file I keep noticing, it is League of Legends and it seems his password is Yugioh246 😂 it is actually hilarious 😂 I didn't know he is that big of a nerd. I don't see it as a bad thing because I like nerds and I am drawn to them but I hope he is not an incel because that is a major turn off.

Yes, I am not wishing for us to be together anymore but I really hope he finds the woman of his dreams. He deserves to have someone who will understand him for who he is.

13/04/20

Another thing, how do I listen to songs without thinking of him?? It is getting frustrating. I used to listen to these songs without thinking of him and now all I do is associate these songs to him. Nakakainis.

14/04/20

Why do you keep reading my messages then stop reading others' after mine??

18/04/20

Argh why did I dream of him again?

We were back in the office daw and I sat in a different computer because I was avoiding him as in. For some reason, the coat rack was behind him so when it was home time, I grabbed my coat as fast as I could so he would not talk to me. He was slouched in his seat and looked really tired. His hair was long like mid length sufer dude hair, he was not wearing his hat. But then he saw me and called me and said "Bianca, I'll give you a ride home." I replied, gaga naman ate nyo, "If it's not raining, I can walk but if it is, I'll take the bus." He replied, "What time is your bus?" I replied, "In an hour." He replied, "Okay, if it's raining, I'll wait for you here, let me know." Then I grabbed my stuff from my locker, I went out the office and it was raining. I went back into the office and told him that it was raining. So he got up from his seat and we walked to his car. On the way, I noticed he looked really tired and his eyes were red so I asked him, "Did you not sleep?" His reply was: "Yeah I came to work with no sleep." So we just walked to his car and he opened the door for me. He even adjusted my seat.

Then for some weird reason, we ended up in Dolphins Barn, like the flats and around Tesco. Then there were billboards for Book of Mormons and he saw it he said or read "What about the Mormons?" Then I was confused at first so he pointed at the ads for the Book of Mormons. Then I told him: "Oh I really wanna see that! I heard it's meant to be one of the best Broadway shows." He then tells me he is not a big play fan but there is something he likes. I asked him but he saw another Book of Mormons billboard and pointed to it. Then we reached Reilly's Ave and idk why but my whole family and our old neighbors were all outside. Bsta ang weird talaga na he dropped me off in our old house. Dreams are weird.

So I just thanked him and watched him leave.

Aish why did I dream of you again???

20/4/20

Had another dream about him. Just why oh why? What are these dreams trying to tell me? I haven't been thinking about him seriously so idk.

Basically in this dream, we were all back in the office. So we got a few newbies who joined our team. And management/TL thought it was a good idea to blend the newbies with the senior agents so there was a complete seat change again. Chad and the guy beside him moved to my old area, as in Chad moved to my old seat. While I was stayed in my current seat. Of course I felt sad that I won't be able to see him face to face as often anymore and that I felt like our friendship will drift apart again.

Basta ano baaa I don't understand this. Do I still have feelings for him deep down?

Oh and he read my message on the group chat again. 10:18am. I mean ok he's been active on the UKI chat today so here's me overthinking again.

23/04/20

Another day, another Chad dream.

So in this dream, I was in Tesco with my mom or Aldi, anyways a supermarket.

I wanted to make Tacos so I was at the spice aisle, looking for a taco spice mix. Then out of nowhere, he pops up and sees me. Says hello and asked how I was etc, while I was grabbing the taco spice mix.

Then I told him goodbye but I still kept seeing him everywhere in the store even though I purposely was avoiding him.

WHY DO I KEEP DREAMING OF HIM.

It is honestly annoying. 😭

I just wanna move on.

27/04/20

Been a while since my last dream but I dreamt that he drove me home, yet again, but I only remember the part where we entered Cherrywood and then I just got out of the car and don't even remember saying thanks. I stood at the front door, until he left.

28/04/20

Arghhh he read my messages again on the office chat almost instantly at 2.37pm 😩😩😩😩 Whereas our own team's chat has been active all day, yet he has not read the messages on there since yesterday morning!!

Were you expecting that I messaged you or something??? CMON IF YOU WANNA TALK TO ME JUST MESSAGE ME. I already messaged you first, it's your turn.

Ugh I hate overthinking this!!

Also, 26th of April marked the 1st month since we last talked. Hmmmm have I fully moved on? I really don't think I have but I am just trying to live my life. Why must you be an introvert Chad, we'll be waiting for each other forever.

6/05/20

Hmmmm... Beginning to think he actually has 3 siblings contrary to the fact that I thought he said there are 3 of them in the family, him being the eldest, followed by his sister then his younger brother.

If it is his brother that I saw on FB then it makes sense now because remember when he gave out chocolates for Christmas? I heard him say "my brother's work had them on sale" or something along the lines. And the other brother I was aware of was only a kid. This person I saw matches the bill, from Chicago and went to the same secondary school as him. (AND LOOKS LIKE HIM!!! We may be the same age or a year younger because he graduated secondary school in 2014) [yup he is older than me by 6 months and just like his older brother, he is also very much into Star Wars and video games. But he seems more social than his bro. Haha xa na lang date ko 😂 Chad 2.0 chosss Chad introduce me to your bro para di tayo awkward sa work 😂 They are actually only 10 months apart, I wonder if they are close.]

Hmmmmm why am I such a stalker 😂

(7.6 update: nah saw his bro's IG and he seems like a fckboi, his DP is a mirror selfie of him shirtless, showing off his v line abs 😂)

13/05/20

It's been a while. As of yesterday, he is fully back to work. We had a team meeting on Monday and he was on it. He said they gave him a laptop to work on. I had myself on mute so I was just listening to him. Yes I wanted to join in on the convo but I needed to stop myself. I need to distance myself until I fully move on from him.

Anyways, today, a case was assigned to me at around 8.30 in the morning. I didn't action it because the office was going mad with chats so I said I was gonna action it when I had a chance later on.

Then I noticed that it disappeared from my queue. I went to my closed cases and I saw that he had actioned it. I mean, I am not saying that he did it on his own free will, our TL may have asked him to go through our team's response received internal queue. Which is aight but this case was not originally mine, but one of his office broskis, na mean? So it's either he did not read the email thread at all or he just decided to close it in MY name. I mean he had to type my name and I wonder if he felt something. CHOSSSSSS 😂

But I'm telling you guys, ever since he got access again, my heart started fluttering again just like when I was still crushing on him, before I moved in front of him and he started giving me all these attention that made me fall in love with him.

I have been trying to move on. I even wrote a 7 page journal entry about my feelings. I've been super distracting myself by watching Kim Possible and staying away from sappy romantic shows 😂

I need more time to heal but it will be okay!

Update 14/5:

I got another case from the same broski, which he actioned yesterday and closed it under his broski's name but he closed the other one on mine.

Ugh why am I overthinking this again!!!

Chad please go away from my feelings 😩

15/5

Today, I helped him out with one of his cases.

He said 'thanks!' whereas the past few days, he's only been replying to people on our team with 'ty!'.

Made me overthink again but I was just being ridiculous 😂 'ty' tapos today sakin 'thanks', special ako chos 😂 honestly wasn't that bothered but okay! Stop giving me special treatment please 😂 don't treat me differently from others if you don't feel the same way because it's unhealthy for me 😂

Helped him again with another one and he said 'thanks!' again urgh. Swear tho, I was hesitating a bit when I was helping him. My heart was thumping again like it did before we started getting comfortable with each other 😭😭😭

17/5/20

Exactly 2 months since I saw him and when he dropped me home.

Oh Chad. Will I ever be over you.

18/5/20

Helped him with another case because no one was helping him so I was just being nice.

Bianca don't be marupok pls. You've been making progress. Don't relapse now.

20/5/20

Another day of helping him out....

Basically he asked our group chat for help, no one replied for like 5 minutes so I said I'll help him.

Then he private messaged me about the case. He told me there were a lot and said "ahah". I should have joked around but I didn't or even asked him how he was 😭

But after I helped him, this was his reply:

Huhuhu parang ang happy nya na may tumulong sa kanya. Chad naman, don't do this to me! I am trying to move on 😭

21/05/20

Haaaayy... Reading my messages again as soon as I post them. Chad Chad Chad ....

26/05/20

He legit have not read messages on our office GC since 10.30 this morning. I messaged a few times around 3pm and he kept reading them. Ano ba kasi Chad.

Don't be scared of rejection, I know I may not be showing real signs but I am an awkward turtle, just talk to me.

27/05/20

As usual no one was helping him again so I private messaged him and asked if anyone was helping yet.

His response:

Hahaha cute 😂 so I told him 'give me the deets, I'll send it up'.

He said 'ty!!', gave me the deets.

Then when I completed it, this was his reply:

Hahaha naloka na xa, double a. Choss. I replied with "anytime 😊" 😂 para konti landi to let him know na I am here to help anytime HAHAHAHAHAHAHA chos

BAKIT HIRAP MAG MOVE ON MGA BESH

5/6/20

So I've been hesitating about posting this but about 2 days ago? I had a dream about him again. It wasn't just him in it but the dream mostly centered about him and I.

Basically, we there was a party in the office and for some reason, I was getting ready at my desk as in curling my hair (so weird 😂😂😂).

Then Chad decided to go out of the computer area, probs was on a break or something. Then my team decided it was a good idea to hide his baby yoda plushie so I hid it in my locker and when he came back, he kept looking for it and we were just laughing at him. 😂

That was it haha.

But you guys, I've been diligently praying for my vocation and I've been getting signs about marriage etc. What if he's the one? God, please give me more signs.

15/06/20

So it's been a while. I've been helping him here and there over the last few weeks.

Today's response was "awesome, thanks!"

And that made me kilig inside. 😂

I am awesome, chos! 😂

16/06/20

Just saw the July Schedule and he is taking 2 weeks holidays 😂

Lol fam watchu gonna do? 😂

Tara let's go on a date chos 😂

24/06/20

I miss him ☹️ But I've been good with not thinking about him a lot but I just really can't wait to be able to ask him out in person hahaayyyy

Hmmmm I also suddenly wondered if he still has the card I gave him for Christmas. That was a cute card, €4 din un ha hahaha

3/07/20

Yo wassup.

I had a dream, so we were back in the office. We were on the weekend shift and for some reason, I decided I was staying back for a bit more so he left before me.

Basically, from this dream, it seems that we were on minimal speaking terms. So like as he was leaving, at the computer area door, he said bye to me and idk why, I asked him to have dessert with me on Monday 😂 it was weird 😂

12/07/20

Okur, I had a dream that he dropped me off again in Cherrywood, like just out of nowhere. Like all I remember was that we were walking to his car together.

He even opened my door and carried my bag and walked me to the front door. Haaayyy....

14/07/20

So today, I was overthinking again.

Basically there was a post in work where an SME asked him to tag his team. He tagged me first over his broskis and that made me quite overthink again. Like the way he tagged our team was not as if it was alphabetical order. So why did he tag me first?

Hahah ako ung unang pumasok sa isip nya

Huhuhu ayoko naaaaa

19/07/2020

So he is on his 2 weeks PTO from tomorrow.

Haaaaayyyyy miss ko na xa, bakit ba kasi ako ganito. Pero as long as he has not said that he is not interested in me, may chance pa rin tlga kami eh.

Wag lang tlaga xang umalis ng company and it will be grand.

08/08/20

Been a while since this was updated, nothing's been happening between us so there is nothing to report. But anyways, lately I've been having (r-rated) fantasies about him 😂 argh I just want to be with him 😂

He's also started playing Fall Guys on the PS4, we have something in common na chos 😂

Also, there's an SME position in work and I have a feeling he might apply huhu if he gets it, he'll be level 12 and I won't be able to date him 😭😂

Honestly still think may something sila ng QA namin huhuhu

16/08/20

So I told MF on the 14th of August about everything that has happened, like how I was getting mixed signals that made me overthink alot to me messaging him twice and being left on read, also how I plan on asking him out when we get to the office. (Also how he dropped me home.)

I told her how it's been very hard for me in the last 5 months, trying to move on from someone I don't even talk to. She was very understanding and told me that she also has not talked to Chad since WFH, as she was also left on read. She said he may not be the texty type because he's quite shy.

I was honestly shook. I thought they talk, even on our workplace chat because they are close in work. Cause I asked her if it was even a good idea for me to ask him out or if she knows if he's seeing someone because I don't want to intrude. I told her I want to take a risk with him but a part of me fears rejection.

She asked me if I ever thought about asking him out for coffee since things are opening up. I told her, yes but I don't think we are in that level where I could just ask him randomly.

So her plan is to build up a rapport with him again and find out the goss. I really hope she can build something up with him and that if ever, this time, there will be progress.

Until I know I have a chance with him, I can't move on. If he's seeing someone, then okay at least I'll know where I stand.

I'll let you know if there's progress.

19/08/2020

So today, I helped him out with a case.

One of the internal tools was not working for him so he asked for help. I was the first to reply so I told him to send me the details and I'll do it.

When I did it for him, he said 'Perfect thank you!' and I just replied, "No worries 😊" landi landi with that emoji 😂 Wish we kinda had a conversation going though 😭 Wish I asked him how he was but it wasn't appropriate okay 😂

Haaayy can't wait to find out if he's dating anyone or when I'll see him again so I can ask him out. HAAAAAYYYYSSSS.

9/9/20

So yesterday, I asked our group chat for help on a case. I didn't really expect that he would be the one to respond but he did and that was cute. Awww. ❤️

Looool I wish I could've thanked him personally but other people started helping me out so yeah. But for a brief moment, I was kilig haha

Really wanna ask him out already! But cases are rising again and I don't want him to use Covid as an excuse so I'll wait again until cases have slowed down.

13/09/20

So today, I had a video call with MF. She told me that she got a new job 😭 meaning, she won't be able to be my wingwoman now 😭

I am happy for her but this cuts down all my chances with Chad 😭

But she did talk to Chad and he applied to the SME role apparently, I think he may have already been interviewed but he didn't hear back from them yet.

MF also said that we should meet up for a coffee date "with Bianca" and he said we should hahaha cmon MF make this a reality please so I can talk to him 😭

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douchebagbrainwaves · 6 years

Text

OK, I'LL TELL YOU YOU ABOUT SIZE

For angel rounds it's rare to see a valuation lower than half a million or higher than 4 or 5 million. Most subjects are taught in such a boring way that it's only by discipline that you can never safely treat fundraising as more than one discovered when Christmas shopping season came around and loads rose on their server.1 If you choose a language, you're also choosing a community. This is a rare case where being less self-centered will make people more confident. Really hot companies sometimes have high standards for angels.2 Paul Buchheit, for example have been granted large numbers of preposterously over-broad patent, the USPTO are not hackers.3 As Fred Brooks pointed out in The Mythical Man-Month, adding people to a project tends to slow it down. There are two different ways people judge you. Benchmarks are simulated users.

That's probably why everyone else seems so incompetent. The worst thing is not just their patents, but not too many, and only take money from people who are great at something are not so much that a competitor will trip them up as that they will trip over themselves. That's what I did, and it was clear that this was the beginning of a trend: desktop computers won because startups wrote software for them. So let the path grow out the project.4 A distorted version of this idea has filtered into popular culture under the name passion. To hackers these kinds of projects are the death of a thousand cuts. Organic ideas are generally preferable to the made up kind, but particularly so when the founders are young. For the average user, is far fewer bugs than desktop software.

Fortunately, this process also works in reverse: as groups get smaller, you have to defend yourself.5 For companies, Web-based applications. I've found that people who are good at writing software tend to be driven by fashion and schmoozing, with actual ability a distant third. Patent law in most countries says that algorithms aren't patentable. The PR campaign leading up to Netscape's IPO was running full blast then, and there was a Mac SE. Computers are so cheap now that you can focus instead on what really matters. The reason design counts so much in software is public opinion—or hobbyists, as they were called then.6 I remember correctly. Because Web-based software is like desiging a city rather than a building: as well as optimization.7 I used to write existentialist short stories like ones I'd seen by famous writers. It's not a question that makes sense to ask a 3 year old how he plans to support himself.

I know what they mean, but this is a valid approach. And it looks as if it will be at the end of my day these meetings are never an interruption. Why? I wonder what's new online. To developers, the most innovation happens. How could they be? We had to think about it. I didn't realize exactly what was happening to us, but I remember the feeling very well. In fact I suspect if you had the sixteen year old Shakespeare or Einstein in school with you, they'd seem impressive, but not too many, and only if they're not flakes.8 If Web-based software is that you get instant feedback from changes: the number of new users was a function of the number of people who are famous and/or will work hard for them. Probably the difference between them will be less than the cost of selling expensive things to them. The patent office has been overwhelmed by both the volume and the novelty of applications for software patents, you're against patents in general.

Hardware is free now, if your company wants to write some software, it might seem. These are basically mass referrals. Sometimes judging you correctly is the end goal, include court cases, grades in classes, and most acquirers care about patents. The problem with Amazon's notorious one-click patent, for example, has after 50 years of refinement reached the point where it was memory-bound rather than CPU-bound, and since there was nothing we could do to decrease the size of the group. And so I let my need to be constantly improving both hardware and software.9 Put in time how and on what? And not only in intellectual matters.

Disk crashes won't be a thing of the past, but users won't hear about them anymore. Though in a sense this is historically inaccurate, it is basically identical with the deal flow of the whole company was before.10 It gives the acquirer an excuse to admit they couldn't copy what you're doing. A small decrease in morale is enough to kill them off. We worked the usual long hours of an early startup. Working on nasty little problems. The best plan, I think, hackers despise it. Now I know a number of users used RTML to put buttons down the left side, we made that an option in fact the data was almost certainly safer in our hands than theirs. For users, Web-based applications will often be useful to let two people edit the same document, for example, is not that it's a software patent, but in practice it dominates the kind of people who weren't car experts wanted to have them as well. At most software companies, support is offered as a way to make customers feel better. In practice, stay upwind reduces to work on hard problems. The first thing you need is a powerful force.

In fact, because bugs were rare and you had to be a computer. And yet even when they know one another well enough to express opinions that would get them stoned to death by the general public.11 Maybe in the long term it's to your advantage to be good at what I did be satisfied by merely doing well in school. Viaweb, to the extent you can preserve hacking as something you love, you're likely to do it well. I'm going to tell you what they want. Computers are in this phase now. And what's your real job supposed to be something that helps you work, not something you work despite.

Notes

But scholars seem to have too few customers even if they make money, in writing, he was a bad idea was that the investments that failed, and wisdom the judgement to know how to be naive in: it's much better, because at one remove from the government and construction companies. That was a bimodal economy consisting, in virtue of Aristotle's immediate successors may have allotted for the same. I bailed because I can't safely omit any type I.

The downside is that you'll expend a lot online. We didn't let him off, either as an adult. Brand-name VCs wouldn't recapitalize a company changes people. The best kind of bug to find it was because he writes about controversial things.

To use this route instead. Words won't be demoralized if they don't want to invest but tried to combine the hardware with an investor derives mostly from looking for something they hope this will make developers pay more attention to not screwing up than any of the world you'd want to help the company is always raising money from writing, any more than determination to create one of the causes of failure would be investors who say no to science as well use the name Homer, to allow multiple urls in a safe will be the next one will be.

Disclosure: Reddit was funded by Y Combinator was a small seed investment in you, however, and are paid a flat rate regardless of the word wealth. There is something special that only a few VC firms have started to give you term sheets. Once he showed it could be mistaken, and wisdom we have. I realized the other seed firms.

Ten years later. That should probably pack investor meetings as closely as you start it with. 8 says that a company.

That was a test of investor behavior.

Note to nerds: or possibly a winner. A servant girl cost 600 Martial vi. So it's worth negotiating anti-dilution protections.

The Roman commander specifically ordered that he be spared.

There are two very different types of startup: Watch people who have money to spend all your time working on is a way that makes the business, and b I'm satisfied if I can imagine what it means is you're getting the stats for occurrences of foo in the Sixteenth and Seventeenth Centuries, Oxford University Press, 1965. Perhaps this is mainly due to fixing old bugs, and as an employee as this place was a company, you can't tell you them.

In principle you might be 20 or 30 times as much as Drew Houston needed Dropbox, or at least for those interested in x, and so don't deserve to keep their wings folded, as accurate to call the Metaphysics came after meta after the egalitarian pressures of World War II to the prevalence of systems of seniority. All you have to assume it's bad.

Interestingly, the big acquisition offers are driven by money—for example. Faced with the earlier stage startups, who've already made it possible to bring to the size of a severe-looking little box with a faulty knowledge of human nature, might come from meditating in an absolute sense, if you seem like I overstated the case in point: lots of potential winners, from the government. Yes, I mean no more than that total abstinence is the most fearsome provisions in VC deal terms have to worry about that danger.

#automatically generated text #Markov chains #Paul Graham #Python #Patrick Mooney #users #something #online #option

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douchebagbrainwaves · 7 years

Text

OK, I'LL TELL YOU YOU ABOUT DEVELOPER

Someone with kids and a mortgage should think twice before doing it. On top of its unpromising origins, employment has accumulated a lot of the money in VC funds comes from their endowments. But if we can decide in 20 minutes, should it take anyone longer than a couple days? You can't assume someone interested in investing will stay interested. Another attraction of object-oriented programming is that methods give you some?1 If you're talking to investors, constantly look for signs of where you stand. You have to be an advantage as an economy gets more liquid, just as someone used to dynamic typing finds it unbearably restrictive to have to pay for the servers that the software runs on Windows, those in the current Silicon Valley. The worst stuff in this respect may be stuff you don't use much because it's too good. For example, in America people often don't decide to go to medical school till they've finished college.2 You know what a throwaway program is: something you write quickly for some limited task. But be careful what you ask for. Competitors commonly find ways to work around a patent.

Even if you could read the minds of the consumers, you'd find these factors were all blurred together. You have to take that extra step if you want to apply for citizenship you daren't work for a startup at all, because if there is no argument about that—at least, effectively donated the wealth they created. But by Galileo's time the church was in the bathroom!3 To add to the confusion, the noun hack also has two senses. It's the architectural equivalent of a home-made presents to be a police state, and although present rulers seem enlightened compared to the last, discarded fashion, there is nothing so unfashionable as the last, even enlightened despotism can probably only get you part way toward being a great economic power. Wealth is whatever people want, and the number of startups. A restaurant can afford to serve the occasional burnt dinner. But a test that excludes Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, and Michael Dell can't be a good marketing decision, even if it is a home not just for the local market. How many of us have heard stories of employees going to management and saying, please let us build this thing to make money by inventing new technology.

There are borderline cases is-5 two elements or one? If you're working on something so unusual that no one is going to make my life noticeably better? I haven't decided. Absolutely nothing. The big advantage of investment over employment, as the examples of open source and blogging? I'm not even sure of that, actually. There are a lot of hand-wringing now about declining market share.

How do I get to be a mecca for the smart, but for smart-alecks. Customers don't care how hard you worked, only whether you solved their problems. You could just say: this is what you have so far; when you finish, leave yourself something easy to start to believe it will happen, but it's the wrong way to approach raising money. In the US things are more haphazard. But elegance is not an end in itself, possibly more important than programmer productivity, in applications like network switches. Lisp wasn't designed to fix the mistakes in Fortran; it came about more as the byproduct of an attempt to axiomatize computation. The worst case scenario is the long no, the no that comes after months of meetings. And that's one reason open source, and even blogging in some cases, are so important. Now imagine comparing what's inside this guy's head with what's inside the head of a well-behaved sixteen year old girl from the suburbs.4 Their union has exacted pay increases and work restrictions that would have gotten me in big trouble. What seems like it's going to be replaced by apps running on tablets. So there is no way to get rich.

But suggesting efficiency is a different thing from actually being efficient. The problem is the same as they'd have paid an American.5 And when you discover a new way to do this? Get a version 1. Talk about a recipe for an unstable system. Companies spend millions to build office buildings for a single purpose: to be a missile aimed right at what makes America successful. It certainly is possible for individual programs to be debuggable?6 And a startup is.

We should be clear that we are a great deal smarter and more virtuous than past generations, but the people dithering about this don't seem to be expected to—and Europeans do not like to seem uneducated. But if you find yourself describing as perfectly good, or I'd find something in almost new condition for a tenth its retail price and what I paid for it. We weren't expected to do more than put in a solid effort. You have to be designed to suit human weaknesses, I don't mean that languages have to be small?7 The question is, can a language be? We did it because we want their software to be good for writing server-based software. It's also obvious to programmers that there are moral fashions too. And when I say languages have to be an advantage as an economy gets more liquid, just as pop songs are designed to sound ok on crappy car radios; if you make a valiant effort and fail, they'll cut you a break. And the harder a scene is to parse, the less likely this seems. That's going to become a CEO or a movie star to be in the twentieth century.

A lot of the statements that make people maddest are those they worry might be true. Deals do not have a trajectory like most other human interactions, where shared plans solidify linearly over time. Those characters you type are a complete, finished product. If some language feature is awkward or restricting, don't worry, you'll know about it. I do actually typing. That is, how much difficult ground have you put between yourself and potential pursuers?8 We did.9 They can't reply in kind to jokes.10 Why deliberately go poking around among nasty, disreputable ideas? If it worked so well, it would be useful to confront directly. Amateurs I think the most important quality in an investor is simply investing.

Designing algorithms for routing data through a network is a nice, abstract problem, like designing bridges. For most people, or someone else describes you, it will be as something like, John Smith, 22, a software developer at such and such elementary school, or John Smith, 22, a software developer at such and such elementary school, or John Smith, age 10, a student at such and such corporation. So let's look at Silicon Valley the way you'd look at a product made by a competitor. I think a society in which people can do and say what they want.11 Small in what sense though? To launch a taboo, a group has to be the domain expert; you have to quit and start your own company, like Wozniak did. The most important thing is to be disappointed.

Notes

For example, the rest of the number of big companies don't want to help the company they're buying. Or it may seem to have lunch at the works of anthropology. Apparently someone believed you have to turn down some good ideas buried in Bubble thinking.

This is the number of big companies to be about 200 to send a million spams. A doctor friend warns that even if they knew their friends were. So, can I make it harder for you by accidents of age and geography, rather than insufficient effort to extract money from it.

If the startup after you, it has to be driven by the time they're fifteen the kids are probably the last step is to be, yet. The US News list? This plan backfired with the melon seed model is more of a country, the startup will be regarded in the evolution of the movie Dawn of the movie, but have no way to tell computers how to achieve wisdom is that they won't tell you them. In No Logo, Naomi Klein says that clothing brands favored by urban youth do not take the line?

In that case the money they receive represents wealth—wealth that, the thing to be employees is to say they prefer great markets to great people to do that much of the business much harder it is possible to bring to the founders gained from running through their initial attitude. In the Valley itself, and help keep the number of startups that has raised a million dollars out of just doing things, they may then, depending on how much of the anti-dilution protections. The cause may have realized this, on the parental dole for life in general we've done ok at fundraising, because investors don't always volunteer a lot would be critical to. It's somewhat sneaky of me to address this generally misapplied phrase.

The knowledge whose utility drops sharply is the thesis of this policy may be because the publishers exert so much worse than the long term than one who passes. In 1995, but in fact it may seem to have a taste for interesting ideas: Paul Graham.

This too is true of the most successful founders is often responding politely to the Depression. Many think successful startup improves the world.

There is one problem where rapid prototyping doesn't work. If the company goes public. Make sure it works on all the investors agree, and that's much harder. We're delighted to have more skeletons than squeaky clean dullards, but more often than not what it can have a definite commitment.

So when they decide on the side of their professional code segregate themselves from the rule of law per se, it's ok to focus on their companies that tried that or from speaking to our scholarship though without the methodological implications.

In January 2003, Yahoo released a new version sanitized for your middle initial—because it might even be conscious of this process but that's not true! Suppose YouTube's founders had gone to Google in 2005 and told them Google Video is badly designed. Only in a large number of startups as they turn from their screen to answer your question. The Department of English at Indiana University Publications.

I don't know of no counterexamples, though. This technique wouldn't work for startups that have to do video on-demand, because he had simply passed on an IBM laptop. Correction: Earlier versions used a recent Business Week article mentioning del.

According to the decline in families watching TV together afterward. If he's bad at it, then add beans don't drain the beans, and FreeBSD 1. If Congress passes the founder visa in a time machine to the problem, we could just multiply 101 by 50 to get frozen yogurt.

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