#not even to fix a few words
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ATTENTION ALL ALASTOR SHIPPERS:
uniromantic
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME. PROCEED
#it means you only experience romantic attraction to one person in your life ever!!#some people get their only crush SUUPER late#sooo a few decades or centuries works out fine :3#just as long as it's not a poly ship lmao.. two crushes makes you NOT uni because. uni. like. u know ur root words right#also IT IS NOT “fixing” one's aroness it is an aro identity of its own and not superior to any other identities !!!#just saying that bc fandoms fucking suck#anyway i think it'd be cute. especially with his disgust for even platonic affection. tryna be all intimidating#then THAT all of a sudden?? the agony. such silly billy blissful agony. not blissful for him but for the viewers of his suffering like us#tehe#uniromantic alastor#arospec alastor#aro alastor#alastor#hazbin hotel#FML what if i secretly put a hamburger emoji in tags 🍔 yeah that's right fuck you society#radioapple#radiostatic#duckiedeer#charlastor#what other fucking ships are there uhhhhh#idfk i headcanon him as full-on stereotypical aro whatever you call that i don't even do this bullshit#voxal#radiodust#alastor x oc#i think i am cringe.#i sincerely believe i am cringe and terrible. mayhaps social anxiety. who tf knowssss#P.S. as long as HE is not the one with multiple crushes i know polycules are whack#but ofc he could be grayro but where's the fun in that (there is lots of fun in it i am sorry)#radiorose
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#Didn't want to add kink discourse to a random stranger's post But#The way so many soft feedists have overused the word 'wholesome' to describe that flavour of feedism has made it a total turn-off to me#Even a red flag#Bc it's always used on posts deliberately trying to make feedism seem more palatable and harmless#And to distance themselves from CNC/health play/fatphobia play feedism#And to be like 'haha normies think we're evil but we're really such uwu cutie-pies'#😒 sorry but first of all I wanna be a grown adult into feedism - like you do you but sometimes it's treated as if#soft feedism IS baby talk feedism and that that's the default? Like that there's death feedism or there's tumby feedism and that's it#And on the other hand it screams moralizing kink and makes it easier to excuse your own and others' bad behavior#Because I'm just a harmless little soft feedist who cares about fat people not like one of those unenlightened dark feedists#Where someone's potential for causing discomfort or contributing to abusive dynamics is reduced to fixed attributes or aesthetics#rather than to someone's (or your own) actual actions#I know I've talked about this before and I know I'm a soft feedist at heart myself AND I know I'm being hyperbolic#But whenever several 'wholesome' posts start circulating around my dash ad nauseum like they have the past few days 😒😒😒#I just try to grit my teeth but I need to let the hater rattle the bars of its cage about it once in a while...#Obligatory 'this is not directed at anyone- I've seen a few lately and it's more about patterns of behavior than individual posts'
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Love is so freaky and messed up to the point that sometimes i do wish and hope SO badly that no one ever has to suffer being in love with me specifically because it honestly sounds absolutely unbearable
#my brain sure is braining lately#ignore me ive been having a Few Days for sure#and there aren’t enough words or enough time in the world to express the full context of this thought#like#the love story doesn’t happen in the epilogue#and the epilogue can’t fix an ending that failed to satisfy the reader#and an authentic and satisfactory sequel is impossible when the ending killed off too much of the plot#does any of this make sense#do i even know what i mean#just ignore me im overthinking#and of the like five different crazed rants i drafted tonight this one is like the shortest#and least weird i think#and i wanted to shout my nonsense into the void to shut my brain up for a minute#apologies for that#pls continue as you were and i hope your brain is quiet and your day is good <3#wait also im all good im just thinking no need to worry!#this is just my nonsense that wanted to be set free from rattling in my brain just let her be and she’ll go away on her own eventually😪
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g*lmar rly has to be the best skajrim character on the real like even if you don't like him he just is . literally The best one i think......... on dat note i also imagine that he and ulfr*c despite being fairydust BFFs for lyfe genuinely have the worst communication skills ever seen
#text#but i already talked about how g*lmar is weird about ulfr*c anyways#literally jubilant and feeling special cus he's the only person ulfr*c actually trusts and speaks to outside of formal conversations#he's a very manly man too (like N*loth) for wanting to just control everything... well actually having ulfr*c under 'control' is enough 4 -#- him. unlike n*loth who wants to be above everything that moves. literally not about him tho#i hope that other st*rmcloaks develop a habit of going to hide downstairs in the palace whenever they can tell the vibe between -#- g*lmar and ulfr*c is off because they're gonna be yelling at each other and throwing shit around for 40 minutes in a few seconds#i don't believe they'd fight insanely often but being at an active war probably gets them heated more. Often than usual; and their -#- conflicts are never resolved. i feel like they just don't talk to each other for a good 2 days and act like nothing happened#they're way too manly and prideful to actually let the other one 'win' so they just don't say anything ever post-arguing#Tbhs g*lmar actually really likes that ulfr*c is so unstable and harrowed because it makes himself feel very good and reliable -#- but he has his limits 😂LMFAOO i bet sometimes he gets really tired of him being so traumatized. very rarely but he does think about it#i'll have to desribe that a bit better later tho... don't know how to word it atm#but maybe he wants to punch him or something BYE. no...... 💔savage as hell#he likes it in a very general sense of ulfr*c's personality especially between them but doesn't like it when it causes them to clash#this might just be mostly ulfr*c's doing cus i doubt he's actually talkative about his past issues and Troubles (torture mayhem) and -#- can't communicate anything about it or set boundaries when needed. he just gets mad or very avoidant. No fixing that tho#well it's just shameful to him so he'd rather do nothing than even admit anything to anyone Everrrrr#why does his life suck so bad LMFAOOOOOOOOO#their nasty musty mutualism .. leeching off your traumatized Bff so that he can make you feel good by saying he needs you in particular#while U pay him back with some support.......SOME#Oh well#that zero communication between some sk*rim characters looks yammy as fuck to me. A;lways. ALWAYS#nelvas is power dynamic induced...... g*lmar&&ulfr*c trauma-caused... elituli Um😂 t*llius doesn't even know any hobbies she has#bye this is why they're serving so hard
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i need to pack my bags and get the hell out of frown town
#i realise that recently i have been disgustingly self absorbed with my own issues 😔#there is a line between discussing bad feelings with friends and being stiflingly negative and i leapt across that line a few weeks ago#like yeah my own issues feel horrendously overwhelming at points but i can't always be caught up in that when i'm around my best friend#i think it's a mix of just exhaustion and also the fact i see her after school where i'm more positive#so i just crash after a tiring day and become the mayor of frown town#it hurt to hear but i mean she worded it much less directly than i have been wording this#and the vibes have been feeling rancid lately so im glad i recognise the issue now and things should feel a bit better between us#just ough it's so easy to become an unpleasant person#not even necessarily by inflicting harm on others but just not inflicting any joy#it's rough out here but it's good to find out negative aspects of yourself and improve them ig#bc i have had friends that are horribly negative and it's just difficult to be around them sometimes#ugh anyway sleep will help all this#oh also in the morning today seemed impossibly exhausting but i got through it#woohoo#now i desperately need to fix my sleep schedule starting with now. bye bye tumblr
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My 3 little cousins were baptized today. "Triggered" is kind of a strong word but being in a catholic church again... I'm a little fragile rn ngl.
#butch speaks#it was hard not to shake as i held J over the basin to have the water poured on his head#when he was cleansed of sin. as if a little kid could ever knowly or intentionally offend a so-called loving god#the words came naturally to me#but they meant nothing#i remember when they used to mean something. when i begged gods forgiveness for my sin (being a lesbian) and tried to pray the gay away#i remember how much i wanted to die bc i could never truly embrace the sacred#i STILL deal with the complex of catholic guilt. its a very real thing. its hard to shake#i cant help but wonder if the catholicism ingrained in my brain is why i have a hard time with casual dating n sex#fun fact: there was a point when i was a teen that i got REALLY catholic#i prayed everyday. i talked to my patrin saint (st agnes) every day. i wantsd to become a nun#the thought of marrying a man mad me more sad than feeling like an alien did. so id marry the church as a nun.#not the way to hide being a dyke when ur fam is catholic btw LMAO#the first priest i knew was father joe. i loved that guy. he was so kind. friendly. briming with love.#he was one of my biggest references for what a good person was like#he talked about gods love a lot. how its for everyone. no one is exluded. ever.#he used to look right at me when he said stuff like that. a few other kids too. all of whom grew up to be queer#then father joe passed away. our church merged with another church. father jeff was the priest there.#he was kind but not as kind. he talked about hell and sin more. he looked at the same kids father joe did.#but the kindness in his eyes wasnt there.#that wasnt for us.#my family wasnt even THAT catholic#i went to church every sunday i did vacation bible school and catechism classes and youth group#i was an altar servant and in the choir#i even used to speak/understand a little latin#imagine how much worse id have been if my mom could have afforded catholic school lmao#grateful to have grown up poor in that regard#hm. actually... reading my own tags. mayne we were pretty catholic actually.#fucking hell.#i need to have lesbian sex in a church before god and everyone. mayeb that would fix me.
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i still feel like the money from the egg figures is gonna go to the eggmins, including lumi and shade and anyone else that has left/been fired [maybe with the exception of like, flippa and tilín’s original admins since they were only there for less than a month but who knows]
like i agree that the way quackity is going about things sucks, with his mindset being that because he doesn’t want to make promises he can’t keep he won’t say anything at all, but i don’t think it means the eggmins won’t be paid. i’d assume, based on what he’s said, that he’s waiting to see how much money the merch makes before he promises anyone any amount of money. which again. is dumb, because if that is the case he could still just Say That. but i don’t think it’s a baseless assumption at the very least
#.txt#discourse#qadmin situation#sorry if this is worded weird i’m like half asleep rn#i’m still keeping optimistic#i know quackity has fucked up a lot and will probably still continue to do so for a bit#and it is very frustrating#but i can also see that he’s trying#i think he needs to shift his mindset a bit and work more on actually talking to people#even if it’s just telling them to hold tight while he works through things#honestly if things don’t improve within the next few weeks i’ll probably get a bit harsher#because like. c’mon man. i know this is gonna take months to sort out#that much is obvious#but if he can’t at least improve communication soon it’s like#there’s only so much benefit of the doubt i can give#but for now i’ll hold on to hope that he can fix things#idk i have a lot of thoughts on this situation that i don’t think i can get across correctly#i’m not letting quackity off the hook but i’m also willing to give him more time before i start saying he’s like#an awful person or whatever#i mean i don’t think he is regardless based on what i know of him but ykwim
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going over dialogue I wrote in a hurry *shivers*
#no proper punctuation or capitalization…#there were some placeholders in there…#that were never replaced#and it’s already published x_x and the next time I can update is still a few days away#I didn’t even have time to properly bug fix so doing dialogue corrections was out of the question#but still makes me want to walk into the ocean and be abducted by mercreatures#at least for once in my life I didn’t skip important words in sentences that would completely alter the meaning#sina’s rambling
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i wish i could have a silly little day on tumblr but I have to read my 80 page HOA document to see if the boomer condominium overlords will ALLOW me to get my new dishwasher (that i bought on black friday like a true, miserable adult marching towards death) DELIVERED AND INSTALLED on the 23rd as expected or if I have to cancel the delivery because there are too many rules for me to abide by and my soul is simply too tired to jump through the necessary hoops to comply.
#i cannot stress enough do not buy a home with an HOA#i have a condo in LA so it was unavoidable but if you can avoid it by all means please save yourself#they wont even let me change my fucking BLINDS because the windows belong to the outside word I guess and not to me#guys i am an idiot and i only skimmed the HOA docs while i was buying the home#because i thought the only relevant thing to me was the pet policy#when i found out a few weeks after i moved in about just how many rules there were I cried my eyes out#the worst is there is always some elderly woman with nothing better to do than be the HOA police#speaking of dishwashers have you noticed they all fuckign SUCK im hoping this one i bought doesn't suck#my last word of advice is that word on the street is to NEVER buy a samsung refrigerator#i mean its hard tho cause they look so cool....u know.......#they come in so many colors.....................like pink#.................its so.................................tempting.............................#but apparently they break and theyre like impossible to fix and its like a horrible waste of money.........#but i cant help but be like.......................but what if that DOESNT happen to me?????????????#like what if samsung got their shit together and i can just have a really cool pink refrigerator#guys im fucking rambling because im procrastinating reading the HOA doc lord HELP me
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i've been having some trouble falling asleep lately
#art#i'll be yapping in the tags#its not that im depressed or anything. it is the opposite actually#ive been using this medicine for quite some time. and it made all my negative emotions disappear#“oh wow huh but isnt it great you don't feel bad anymore”. this is the same thing my psychiatrist told me when we were discussing this topic#in hindsight it was kinda silly of her to say. i can't believe i pay a ridiculous amount of money per session just to hear shit like that#but she's cute and im a pathetic homosexual who'll seethe at the sight of other specialists like a beaten dog so I will let it slide i guess#we see each other twice a year anyway and all i need from her is the prescription for happy pills. anyway the happypillen#i would fight god if it means i can use stertraline for the rest of my life. thanks to it i can and i do live#but I don't really feel like myself anymore. do you get what i mean#the things that have been giving me anxiety attacks or flashbacks not so long ago? i feel almost nothing about it at this momet#it still haunts me to this day but the intensity of my feelings and emotions does not reach even 1/5 of what it was before#i do not want to disclose more specific topics so i will use a simple example. i used to be afraid of dogs#the fear was so severe that the mere sight of the tiniest little barfing creature was enough for me to freeze#now i can pass one without any problem. the fear i feel today is nothing more than a shadow of bygone times (something i do out of habit)#but i guess this example is not objective enough since my close irl friend has a dog that i became fond of#im still pretty sure this dog of her is capable of biting my ass off if necessary but im not afraid of it#because fear is not an option in this brain of mine at this moment#i don't feel any anxiety sadness or anger anymore. even if something close to it begins to rise in me it shuns down within a few minutes#i can't even cry. i am craving emotions that i was so eagerly trying to dispose of back then#i feel the most mentally stable I have ever been and at the same time i feel pretty much dead.#perhaps i just got used to the fact that sorrow accompanied me for a very long time and i should learn to live without it#perhaps sorrow is just as important as happiness and its absence is a mere side effect of the happy pills#and i have to put up with it in order to have a functional brain#perhaps we people are never happy with what we have in our hands. also i hate drawing#one's can tell since the picture i attached is raw as fuck#but even despite my praised mental stability if i were to stay alone with it even for a minute longer i would go insane#next time i will draw something lighter and cuter. like my favorite kpop boy or fortnite. maybe in the next century#thanks for coming to my tedtalk. bye#i made a typo in the word “sertraline” but im too lazy to fix it i would fight god for you but i will not do this im sorry zoloft
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[Beau looks up and Felix is there in the hallway, leaning over the banister. Daisies dangled around his wrist and all Beau can think about is if the bracelet slipped off and fell in front of him and would he reflexively reach to hand it back, would he even try to catch it first? They used to kiss on this stairwell. Felix always liked to get him under the moonlit window and then whine into his neck about how they couldn’t do anything more here, the door a few steps away.]
this is a love story in 91 words to me
#me when i don't actually know how to word the dialogue even tho i know what has to be said#like OKAY! internal thought and embedded flashback time!#lover boy#not kidding i spent 30 mins tinkering at the rhythm for 91 words. i have to write litfic this way there is no breezing through#this is chapter 3 GIRL FIX CHAPTER ONE SO YOU CAN DISSECT IT!#did not write a lot but im going on an overnight trip tomorrow and plan to write a LOT then (as a coping mechanism LOL)#the mental slump this last few weeks has been REAL i've been trying to reset the last two days. think it's working!#hopefully it's working because i want to go through all my writeblr things i want to reblog n respond to before i leave
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now here's a question do i do a super short chapter quicker or a super long chapter slower
#normally i would always go for long rather than short#but because it's already been over a month since i've update there's a part of me that just wants to get that initial update out of the way#and i could probably do it within the next few days if that was the case#but it would be significantly shorter than all the other chapters i've writter#i don't really care about length overall but for the sake of pacing i don't like making chapters too different in length#esp if it's been consistent more or less throughout#on the other hand if i go long then i will go really long#and it will maybe take two weeks or so to get it out#which feels really bad#and the next two chapters have some stuff in them that i really really want to get right#so i don't want to rush it#but also i don't want to split it up anyway!#because it's supposed to be contiguous and i don't want to lose that flow of this 'chunk' of plot by arbitrarily splitting up the chapter#but if i do split it up then i can flesh out both parts of it to a greater extent#and maybe that would even improve the flow???#god i don't know#the thing is though usually when i finish a chapter#i finish it at let's say 2300 words#and then by the time i've gone over it and fixed all the things i want to fix (usually flow/transitions/choppy writing)#it ends up being like 2800#so maybe i should just assume the super short chapters will become only regular short chapters if i run them through my brain a couple time#blah blah blah#nonsense
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|| The feeling of being able to post 💙Connor💙 and not feeling guilty about it oh my fucking gods I'll only look at the bright side of this situation like thank fuck i am allowed to feel happy
HHHHIIIIIIIMMMMM 💙💙💙
#asgard to earth 💚 (ooc)#|| tfw you don't realise how toxic someone was until they've chosen to vanish from your life#|| Sad thing is that they play the victim as if I hadn't went through panic and anxiety attacks/sleepless nights/migraine periods#|| This person single-handedly managed to kill ALL of my muses for ALL existing threads in the span of a few days and it went on for MONTHS#|| And I *didn't want them to leave*. I was clinging to them because I still thought of them as a friend and I thought we could fix it. 😩#|| They left though. Blocked me without a word. And it took me two days to feel actual *relief* instead of sadness. I was that involved.#|| But I'm healing and that's beautiful!!!! I'm finally free from guilt!!!!! I can do whatever the fuck I want!!!!!!!!!!! Gods I missed thi#|| All the people who looked at my ''journey'' kept telling me to break contact because they're slowly killing all the happiness I have-#|| And I couldn't do it but at the same time they were all RIGHT. I'm so sorry fam. I'll listen to y'all better the next time okay?#|| And thanks for standing behind me ALWAYS. ALWAYS asking me what's up if I gave even a LITTLE hint. There're so many of you who NOTICED!!#|| And I'm so glad to call you my best friends!!! You mean the world to me! 💚 I'm very very lucky that you're always here for me. 💚#personal#i am free 👻#chaos is back online 🐍
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He is in fact not cool with his friends killing people he just can’t do shit about it and the fact that he thinks he can do smth about (and does!) when it comes to his kids is like a major point
#like one of the main#Idk if theme is the right word#but issues surrounding Batman in general and Gotham specifically#is the high standards he holds not just those closest to him to but also the people he controls#NOW DONT GET CAUGHT UP IN UR GUT REACTION CONTROL IS A STRONG WORD BUT IM USING IT FOR A REASON#like i think the fandomification of the batfamily and seeing every character as reliable in the way they tell their own stories#is making people forget that yes bruce lowkey controls them#like not in a mean way or whatever but as much as dick and Jason rebel and say ‘fuck you old man I have my own people to take care of’#at a snap of Bruce’s fingers where are they?#right back in Gotham#which ppl say is an issue with writing and I agree like they really just can’t take anyone away from Gotham#but THATS meta like the in universe conclusion is what creates in universe analysis#and these issues are being spoken about from an in universe pov#that was just me justifying my point anywayyyd#what im saying is that like#in conclusion Ppl are forgetting that Bruce is scary and still runs this shit lmao#like a few snappy quips about emotional distance and some ‘X deserves better’ fics is making yall forget shit like spyral#or at least how it went down and ended up today and what that says about the characters involved#it’s tragic and Ik we like to ignore that but like. when look at shit like the no killing rule#yes bruce thinks he’s being slighted or failing whenever his kids kill someone and they to an extent think that too which is why they don’t#do it#or at least partly#even for Jason that’s why the killing is not just what needs to be done it’s a form of rebellion for him#everyone who agrees jason should just leave Gotham but still present as pure rebellion and anger and spitting at Bruce don’t get why Jason#should leave is all I’m saying#that’s why Dick never got away#it’s still all about Bruce#even if we don’t want it to be#reading this back it’s disjointed as hell but I’m not fixing it if u get it ily heh just a peek into my dark mind#if u don’t it’s not ur fault not everyone can withstand the alphas prowess…
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I am experiencing... frustration.
#monster noises#why must the ideas you can see the clearest in your head be the hardest to capture?#I'm trying to make a new phone lock screen#(currently I'm using the drawing of laz and heis on the motorcycle and while I looove that image it's been there for a few years now)#and I have a very Precise Idea of what I want it to be#in the same style as I did my FaHI playlist cover#but I can't seem to get the thumbnail looking in anyway Correct#and it's really..... frustrating........... and disheartening#then when I try and like actually figure out what I need to Fix it's like my brain blanks out and I"m stumbling around completely clueless#and then I just start uselessly spiraling and just AUGH#why can't I have the kind of brain that hits a barrier and proceeds to problem-solve?#why do I have to have a brain that hits a barrier and just.. rolls over in defeat#not even a tantrum or a breakdown#just#0 resistance laying down and giving up#it's stupid and I'm mad about it but I still don't know what to do about it at all#I wish I could explain it in a way that would allow someone to maybe be able to help me actually#cause it seems every time I try there's always some fundamental misunderstanding about Which Step In The Process Is Challenging#like that one time I tried asking about it on twitter#asking if anyone had resources for How to be better at learning from and interpreting references/doing studies#or just learning for art purposes in general (in a way that won't cause me to Break Down)#and people linked a bunch of how-to's on how to Draw from Reference#and I know those /Sound/ like the same thing but they arrrrren't#and I know those people's heart's were in a good place but I know How to use a reference#I know How to do a life drawing or a study#I get it on a practical level#but there is something fundamental to the process of interpreting and understanding what exactly I'm doing that I just...#Don't Have#and That's really really Really hard to explain#it's like how I'm actually good at math I just can't do word problems because I can't glean what is required of me from a word problem.
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Btw, in general, if I ever say anything that ends up confusing people or something insensitive or even spelling errors, please tell me! I'd rather be corrected or explain something in further detail than let people be confused or possibly hurt!
#I have the horrible habit of skippng words. I've forgotten “Not” a few times which ofc changes the meaning of a sentence. :'D#Also I know I have a weird dialect and speech pattern :'D#Mad rambles#like seriously I'd rather have a “I think you meant this???” and be a little embarrassed and then FIX IT than just pretend it's#fine even though it's a bad take and/or mistake
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