#not excusing my own actions btw

[bongsavior]

ngl i miss being your pal bro...

[theokusgallery]

The problem with my art right now is that 1) the little drawing time I have goes to @daily-basil ; 2) I have phases, and am currently deeply unmotivated ; and 3) when I do draw what this blog is currently about (Arsenic) I draw him in a gay way (because I love him deeply) and not like the unhinged person he actually is. I'm sorry I'm so soft about him right now. Yes I want Sunny and him to tear each other apart but they also need to love each other so so so much first

[shittywriterbrain]

me: yeah, i like this character a lot, especially their monologues

also me whenever that character opens their mouth: shut up. shut the fuck up. who asked

[bassiter2]

i'm realizing through this book i'm reading (same-sex affairs: constructing and controlling homosexuality in the pacific northwest) that like... yknow the conflation between homosexuality and pedophilia. well i've realized why that is, and that it's more than just all "sexual perversions" getting lumped together by homophobes. but also insanely enough more mundane

it's literally that for many decades, the only concept most people were able to have of gay men were through the lens of it being a crime. aka arrest records and the newspapers telling you who got put in jail last night. obviously gay men who were only having consensual sex with other gay adult men did get caught sometimes, but you could only catch them if they were doing it in public, if you were sneaking around in their private home, or if someone involved ratted them out. and if you ratted someone out, whatever motivation you might have, you were also ratting yourself out, so why would you do that? but if you were underage, especially if it was non-consensual, you wouldn't be in trouble at all. so of course the majority of the "immoral acts" charges are going to be between an adult and a minor.

not only that but apparently "youth" in referring to a young person used to literally mean anyone under the age of 21. and the vast majority of charges that read "engaged in immoral acts with a youth" it's referring to like a 17 y/o or even 18 or 19. so then ppl in later decades read that and misinterpreted it too.

and that's literally it lol..... it feels obvious in hindsight but i never would have thought about it. crazy what bias confirmation does.

[morn1e]

But what if we want Benson hcs 👉👈

DESTROYERS OF FUCKING WORLDS.

okkkkk so idk how nor where 2 start soooooo……

-worlds biggest left fan. does everything w his left - ben writes w his left, opens cabinets etc w his left, smokes w his left, has his watch on his left, picks up things w his left 1st, answers the phone w his left, when eating w a spoon uses his left etc etc. his left hand is his best and truest friend.

-has pretty bad seasonal(spring specifically) allergies. spring time esp in the park is the most miserable time 4 benson&he heavily avoids any work in park maintenance during this period or even being outside 4 the matter&just strictly stays in his office during the whole season just so he does not die&make it out alive till summer or smth

-burns SOOOO easily.dude is already pale as it is+ lives in california(wtf was he thinking) so legally cannot be on the beach without 874927483coats of sunscreen or will b on life support in agony w aloe vera on 80% of his body 4 the next few days. poor guy

-worlds #1 heaviest sleeper. could genuinely sleep through a typical regular show episode demon spawn destroying the park shenanigan unintentionally. that is just how much of a deep sleeper he is. also snores like a chainsaw sometimes.

-subconsciously does those pen tricks on his hand when holding 1 when he is on the phone or smth. bens drummer days really influenced this&those who get 2 see him do it think it is the coolest thing ever.

-really really REALLLLYYYYYY loves subs. subs r the food ever 4 ben. would have them 4 breakfast, lunch&dinner if he could. would choose a sub over some 16michelin star restaurant like bistro en le parc anytime.

-grown 2 like theater&operas&etc. i always assumed since benson has been a metalhead he found things like operas 2 b boring as shit bcuz ohhh so classy compared 2 like a death metal concert thus never liking or going 2 any?but since being w joan&w her love 4 theater, they often go 2 things similar like that so he was only forced 2 accept the fact that he was going 2 have 2 watch some performances. has grown 2 really enjoy them alongside joan.

-out of all the colas, bens fave is dr pepper.

-also really really likes cereal. the snack&breakfast ever. most favourite r cini minis&lucky charms(do NOT dare 2 eat the marshmallows. he notices when some r gone then gets really mad.)

-also really adores chiffon cake.

-has slowly grown a habit of keeping sticky notes @ places. since w being w joan&her severe habit of having a kabillion sticky notes plastered on every piece of object in the house/@ work, benson subconsciously took the habit&has sticky notes sometimes hoarding his office too. thinks it is ridiculous when it gets too out of hand&blames solely joan 4 it.maybe get into petty arguments w her over this.she thinks it is the funniest crap ever

-has a weaker stomach so gets easily nauseated/grossed out by stuff like the bitch he is(this is more canon ig)

-heavy smokerrrr!!1!1!1!!!have mentioned this b4 a million times but u cannot tell he this guy does not have a severe nicotine addiction. the stress of being the manager of the park has done no good 4 benny. he goes on many smoke breaks during the day 2 which often gets lectured by pops on the harms of smoking if caught. also smokes marlboro reds.

-worlds shittiest eyesight!1!!1!1!!!!!!!has worn glasses since he could remember. SEVERE shortsightedness&SERIOUSLY dependent on his glasses otherwise it is game over 4 this loser. stupid bitch prob has like -6D vision if not worse. ben would wear contacts, even prefer in doing so instead of glasses but finds the process 2 b tedious plus he would never recover if he would attempt in taking them out after eating chicken wings. do NOT put on his glasses 4 fun or the severity of them will make u go blind in an instant.

-despite shown in the show that he drinks mainly coffee, benson actually prefers tea&is more of a tea drinker. i said what i said.

-not rly a hc but can&will get in your face if u start it. u can say he is really stubborn. u put pickles in his burger when he asked 4 none? or maybe u r taking way too long w repairs 2 his car @ the carshop? cool he will confront u abt it in a civil manner @ first but if u talk back benson is chewing ur ass out&will not mind having a screaming match.will stand his ground no matter what.

-again not rly a hc more like common sense 2 his character but when really fighting will seriously blow up when in an argument when it comes 2 arguments in his relationship? smth that does not always occur, in fact such rarely ever happen, but when they do, they r fucking ugly - filled w screaming, stuff most likely getting thrown&destroyed&filled w tons of tears after bcuz the guy genuinely regrets everything what happened&knows it is his fault 4 his anger&things getting so out of hand. is the 1st 1 2 apologise bcuz the guilt just eats the poor guy up so much he just cannot stand it anymore.good thing they r rare

-has a bad case of road rage. bennys anger issues absolutely do no good esp on the road w other trash drivers. joan is genuinely sometimes terrified 2go somewhere w him driving

-used 2 skate a lot as a teen. has gotten really rusty over the years but could still manage 2 do a clean ollie @ the drop of a hat. with practice he could make mordecai&rigby shit themselves @ how awesome he is @ skateboarding.

-actually hates it when other ppl call him by a nickname like ben or even worse, benny, even in a joking manner. just stick 2 benson if u need 2 mention his name. only family&joan can call him those names. will never admit this but really likes it when joan calls him benny actually..🥹

-is not too keen on nicknames but it makes him feel different when being referred 2 as hon. makes him go all😢🥹🥹🫶🥹🫶❤️

-knows a lot of yoyo tricks. probably still has his old yoyo somewhere in storage.

-is the younger sibling between him&his sister by 3-5 years. idk his sisters name bcuz it was never stated but i imagine it 2 b something like katherine? maybe caroline? she lives out of state&ben is not the closest 2 her. nothing really personal just never really connected w her. they talk sometimes but r not all that close.

-aside his crappyish upbringing 2 always yell 4 everything he wants @ home,(2 which amends have been made&the family life is getting better), benson is actually a really fragile guy. always has been. be kind to him.

[stil-lindigo]

Hello, very confused and overwhelmed outsider here. Looking at posts here and on news sites I see such pradoxical views, one saying to not support Palestine is to support genocide and the other saying to not support Israel is to be antisemitic. I wonder, and I am going around asking people on different sides of the war, do you believe it is possible to support both the lives of Palestinian people and the lives of Jewish people?

Feel free to ignore this ask or to point out any ignorance on my part. I hope you have some peace in your day/night, I can only imagine how stressful it is to have so many people asking so many serious questions.

hi anon. I’m gonna try to make this is as concise as possible, since I’m technically writing this on my lunch break. Yes, it is possible and in fact very easy to support the lives of Palestinian and Jewish people because - and this is the important part - Israel and Zionism is not Judaism. Depending on who you may ask, Zionism began as a pure-hearted desire for Jewish people post-WW2 to create a place that would always unequivocally be safe for Jews, but as I am not Jewish myself I feel like any description I might give comes off as insincere and not fully grasping the scope of that mission. But no matter what Zionism once was, it is now the belief that Jewish people have the right to commit genocide against indigenous population so that they can establish their ethno-state. And you can split hairs all you like, but after the past four months, my belief in that has only solidified.

Perhaps the strongest opposition to Israel comes from Jewish people themselves, who’ve popularized “not in my name” as a protest chant. Holocaust survivors have come out in droves to protest the actions of Israel, and they’re often the strongest front of any protest action since - yes, you’re right - mainstream news is very committed to selling the idea that this “war” is Jews vs Muslims which is just inflammatory racist garbage. There’s more to it than I can easily get into right now, but just for a start, it completely erases the existence of Palestinian Jews or Palestinian Christians, and also ignores Israel’s historically abusive and degrading treatment of their own Holocaust survivors in their population.

This “war” is not a war. It’s a genocide, where the total amount of bombs dropped on Gaza is officially over twice the impact of a nuclear bomb. One side is asking for a stop the fighting, for aid to be allowed through, they are asking for clean water and food as their women have been forced to rip off scraps off tents to use as menstrual products. One side has had all 35 their hospitals bombed (a war-crime the first time, and it continues to be a war crime every time it still happens), over 100 of their journalists have been targeted and murdered (more journalists than were killed in all of WW2, and btw this is also a war crime). And the other side films TikTok’s levelling apartment buildings, looting houses, kicking Palestinian hostages, stripping them naked and urinating on them. Israel has rained white phosphorus down on Palestine, they have bombed Palestine indiscriminately, they have destroyed archives, historical locations, they have done their best to rob Palestinians of their dignity and empathy and still, they’re not done.

Oh and the excuse that they’re just doing all of this to save the hostages? Hamas offered them all back in exchange for a ceasefire. And the Israeli prime minister, Netanyahu, said no.

In the future, try to get your news from trusted news sources like Al Jazeera, and following journalists on the ground like Bisan and Motaz.

[explorevenus]

domestic yandere bf!leon headcanons

and by domestic i just mean like no blatant kidnapping n shit like reader and leon have a legitimate relationship but reader has no idea how aggressively he’s pulling strings behind the scenes

btw i’ve had this written out on my laptop for literally two years so a lot of this is ‘something permanent’ adjacent but it’s not specific to that universe (for other obvious reasons skdfjivhes)

here we go:

leon is extremely protective like, to the degree of being paranoid. doesn't like when you go anywhere or do anything by yourself, which for most people would be suffocating, but leon was very strategic about implementing this very slowly over time. little do you know that this sentiment of his applies basically all the time, because what would happen if you were to slip and fall in the shower, or have a bad day at work, or anything else off of the infinite list of terrible things that could happen, and he wasn't there?

leon tries to convince you to quit your job and stay at home to let him take care of you, but you refuse, not wanting to have to rely on him completely, especially before you're married. so naturally he takes that very literally and shortly after you get married, leon has a word with your boss and you’re magically fired on the spot. this of course is a huge shock to you and leaves you extremely depressed, and therefore even more reliant on him.

leon is very controlling of you in subtle ways, but more than manipulative enough to disguise it as simply caring for or looking out for you. going to get something to eat? no need, i'll make it for you! having a shower? mind if i join you? just showering, i promise... you woke up with a tummy ache? call out of work and let me take care of you! your check engine light is on? it's not safe for you to take your car, looks like i'll be giving you rides for a while! no, honey, i don't know why your friends have gone cold and stopped reaching out. that's their loss. now we can spend more time together! he'll even go as far as to purposefully place your things in cabinets he knows you can't reach, just as an excuse to help you grab them when you inevitably need them.

leon has every device you own bugged and cloned, and therefore constant access to your every message, call, photo, and all of your socials, and your location, at all times. he doesn't check them incredibly often when he's home with you, but checks up on you constantly when he's away for work. it's not uncommon for you to conveniently receive a call from him whenever you leave the house, stay late at work, go somewhere other than straight home after work, etc etc

leon has cameras hidden fucking everywhere in your place. inside and outside of the front door, two in the kitchen, two in the living room, three in the bedroom, one in the bathroom, and not only can he check them any time, but he also keeps a good amount of the footage, particularly from the bedroom. for. definitely pure reasons. anyway, you already know he spends every second of his very limited free time on missions just watching you on the cameras. 

leon always wants you to be healthy and well, but he loves taking care of you when you’re sick. you get to call out of work and lay in bed all day while he tends to your every need, and in the hours you spend sleeping it off, he just gets to hold you, and pet your hair, and watch your face, listen to your weak breaths and the little noises you make sometimes. come to think of it, it sure is odd how often you seem to be coming down with colds, given how little time you spend outside of the house to begin with...

leon makes an effort to make you perceive your relationship and his actions as normal as possible. he is incredibly careful to keep this behavior under wraps, and will legitimately tell you anything if it means getting you off of his trail. with his government training in de-escalation, the man is a master manipulator and the CEO of successfully gaslighting. "How was visiting your friends today?" "It was good, how did you know I went to see them, though?" "You told me you were going to when I called this morning." "Did I?" "You did. Or maybe I'm the crazy one and I just made a lucky guess." "Well, I guess I must have, then. Though, between the two of us, I think we can agree I'm the crazy one. I can't seem to remember anything right." "That's why you have me to keep your head on straight, princess."

speaking of princess, pet names ! which he loves. he calls you princess, puppy, angel, doll, honey, baby... he didn't used to use them so often, but he quickly took notice of the liking you’d taken to it when he would, so it became a regular thing. anything to make you blush. you’re just too cute!

mkay we gotta talk about sex <33 under the cut NO MINORS

which leon likes to have very very frequently. obviously he's obsessed with you, and it typically only takes being in the room with you for ten full seconds for him to have a hard time fighting off the image of all the things he wants to do to you. he genuinely finds you attractive, irresistible even, in any condition, whether you’re dolled up for him or depressed in bed wearing the same shirt for three days straight, he's just obsessed with and praising of you and your body.

whiiiiich certainly translates through his love-making. a true master of foreplay, having learned every inch of your body like the back of his hand, he knows exactly how to touch you in ways that grant him the most reaction out of you. this man will seriously edge himself for hours getting lost in playing with you, he's highly skilled at giving head and loves to do so. man’s a total munch. it's a relatively surefire way to get your attention for a while and he takes advantage of this often. 

finishing inside of you is practically a must for him, he finds it so intimate and the deepest way to connect with you and gift you a part of himself. he rarely, if ever, cums anywhere else, and when he does, it's usually on your stomach and/or thighs. i don't see him being particularly interested in actually having children though, considering that would mean taking a considerable amount of your attention and focus away from him, and he wants you all to himself.

^^^ lol anyway 

his fave position(s): missionary, so he can watch your face, but with enough convincing he'll let you ride him sometimes, because you want to-- not that he doesn't enjoy it, he just doesn't want you to have to do any of the work! he prefers to spoil you and just let you relax and enjoy yourself.

[lenaellsi]

it's honestly a bit odd to me that so many people have jumped on the 'aziraphale will be pulling all the strings and playing politics in heaven' train. like I think it's true that the metatron is underestimating aziraphale's intelligence and ability to disrupt the second coming even while separated from crowley, but I also think the idea that aziraphale is going up to heaven with a clear idea of how he's just been lied to, an understanding of how much danger he's in, and a plan to stop it is a huge reach.

frankly, aziraphale is very vulnerable to manipulation. I'm thinking now of neil’s post with the diary entry from before the edinburgh minisode where he was duped by two humans, the whole thing with the nazis in 1941, and his sponsorship of shadwell's various obviously fake agents (sergeant milkbottle, etc.). he's not nearly as savvy as fanon tends to portray him. he takes people at face value, especially people he thinks of as Good. (that's not a dunk, btw--I find these things endearing, and a sign of aziraphale's innate wish to see the best in people. I just think that sometimes the BAMF protective aziraphale of fanon overshadows the slightly more naive aziraphale of canon. and honestly, I also think TV aziraphale is just a bit softer than book aziraphale, though he is capable of stepping up when it counts.)

and he's a bad liar! I know it's a meme in the fandom that aziraphale lies all the time, but he doesn't like it, and he's bad at it. he gets nervous and comes up with terrible excuses and the only reason he ever gets away with it is because the people he's lying to are idiots (gabriel), have their own agendas (god, the other archangels), or trust him to be honest (crowley).

aziraphale's real strength is his ability to take sudden, completely unexpected action. that's one of the things that crowley admires most about him. "he's unpredictable," is what he says to nina, and it's true! aziraphale's greatest moments of rebellion have always come from spur of the moment decisions, not intricate plans. (if anything, crowley is the planner--the arrangement and the thwarting of the apocalypse, their two longest cons, were both his idea.)

aziraphale gives the sword away because when he is forced to make a decision under pressure, he tends to land on the side of rebellious kindness. shielding crowley from the rain in eden, lying to gabriel to protect job's family, defying the quartermaster and returning to earth via possession during the apocalypse, blowing up his halo--he does these things because he's following that same impulse. when aziraphale has time to over think, he frets and fusses and is paralyzed by indecision. (or worse, he falls back on what heaven has taught him.)

TL;DR: I don't think aziraphale has any sort of grand plan other than a generalized "make things better," and I certainly don't think he is planning to betray heaven. he might try to come up with a plan once he figures out how bad things are going to get, but my bet is that what will actually disrupt the second coming is an absolutely bonkers off the wall decision that no one, crowley included, could ever predict. and I think it’ll happen, as it usually does with aziraphale, just after he accepts a difficult truth that fundamentally shifts his worldview—in this case, his final rejection of the idea of “good” and “bad” people, and of the entire morality system of heaven and hell.

[wc-confessions]

Bluestar is genuinely one of the most interesting characters to analyze imo and I adore her super edition/her in the main books in general. She faces so much grievance and still ends up being a beloved leader. She wasn’t allowed to grieve in the ways she felt she needed to because they weren’t ‘correct’ ways to grieve (i.e. occupying your time working instead of 'laying around'). She was insulted by her own deputy for daring to lay around after her sister died. The one time in her life that she was selfish and chose to ignore everything for a single night she ended up facing the consequences for it and getting pregnant. She loved her kits and still gave up the only source of happiness in her life for a position she didn’t even want because she would rather deal with that life time of grief than let Thistleclaw get into power knowing he’d ruin the Clan. Sunstar would have preferred to have a grieving Bluefur as his deputy (KNOWING how she grieves because he’s had to talk her out of an episode of grief before) over her when she had kits (this isn’t a jab at Sunstar btw he's chill it’s just very interesting to bring up). Not to mention Tigerclaw (someone who she chose despite who his mentor was, despite Goosefeather freaking out over him, someone she put her entire trust in despite would’ve having an inherit bias against him) tried to kill her and it sent her into such a horrible spiral and resulted in her having a mental breakdown. Does it excuse her actions during this time of her life? Of course not, but I wish people would stop acting like her actions during a period in her life where she was very clearly mentally ill encompassed her entire character. She did bad things and that's the point. In a moment of clarity after she sacrificed herself to save Fireheart and the Clan she begged for forgiveness from her children while silently willing Fireheart to not urge them to forgive her because she knew it'd mean nothing then. Sorry for the long rant, she's one of my favorite characters

.

[suniix]

Hiii!!! Request for Yuta, where reader knows Yuta has a crush on them, and gives them time to confess but ends up getting fed up with how shy he is, and just blurts out how much they like him, in the most random setting. luv ur writing btw (:

surprise confession | yuta x reader

word count | 1k+

note | IM GLAD YOU LIKE MY WRITING!! also sorry this took so long anon!! i got stuck on what random scenario to use, originally i was going to have the reader confess on a roller coaster but somehow it changed. if anyone wants me to write a roller coaster version lmk 👍 (also sorry if he’s a ooc im having a huge writers block moment 😣)

You thought yourself to be a patient person, truly, but Yuta’s hesitance was beginning to drive you insane.

At first his shy behavior was cute. The shared glances, the way his cheeks would turn a cute shade of red whenever you complimented him, the way he’d stumble over his words when trying to compliment you back; you couldn’t get enough of it. Any day now he would pull you aside and pour his heart out to you.

But quickly a day turned into a couple of days, which turned into weeks, which then turned into months.

And quickly your patience ran out.

You began to think your feelings were once sided. Maybe you had just imagined everything. Maybe you had projected your own feelings onto him which caused you to misinterpret every gesture, word, and action. Had you simply over analyzed every encounter, searching for any hidden meanings behind his every action?

Doubt began to cloud your mind. You began to withdraw yourself from him, hoping that your limited actions would help your feelings disappear.

It wasn’t until while roaming the halls late at night you heard Yuta having a secret conversation with Panda that you confirmed it.

“Just tell them already!” Panda’s hushed voice was immediately silenced by another.

“I can’t!” That had to be Yuta.

“What do you mean you can’t? You like them, just ask them out!”

The two bickering voices began to grow distant when they started walking away from you. You stood leaning against the wall, a giant smile making its way onto your face.

With your heart nearly jumping out of your chest you happily walked back to your room.

Despite the conversation you heard between the two, nothing changed.

In fact, it seemed as though Yuta’s shyness increased, making it harder for you to even talk to him at all. You’ve thought about making the first move and asking him out first, but every time you try and bring up casually hanging out together, alone, he stutters out an excuse to talk to you later and nearly runs out the room.

At this point, you’re not even sure what to think. Instead of trying to come up with possible ideas as to why Yuta wouldn’t say anything, you've come to accept the fact he likely isn’t looking to be in a relationship. Which, given the whole Rika situation, makes sense. So instead, in an attempt to try and move on again, you went back to avoiding him.

“(Y/n), Yuta!” Maki called out, catching both you and Yuta’s attention. She began walking towards the both of you and gestured to the field behind her. “Both of you, on the field now. It's your turn to spar.”

But it seemed the universe had different plans for the both of you.

Before you even had a chance to protest, Maki and Panda walked past the two of you. “When I get back we’ll switch, until then keep sparring.” Maki stated, seemingly knowing you didn’t agree with the pairing.

You watched as they walked away, feeling Yuta’s eyes on you. Without saying a word, you stand up and grab your weapon and begin walking over to the field. As much as you didn’t want to be paired up with him, there's no use in arguing about it. You wanted to avoid any unnecessary drama that would come from asking to spar with someone else.

Once the two of you stood across each other you initiated the first move, charging at him with a force you normally wouldn’t use.

Yuta definitely noticed, stumbling a couple of times trying to keep up with your pace. “Hey, did I do something wrong?” Yuta asked, grunting as he tried to hold back the force of your wooden spear with his own.

“No, what makes you say that?” You respond, backing away to prepare another attack.

“It’s just that you’ve been avoiding me—” Yuta stumbles back when you suddenly attack, struggling to keep up with your pace. “What did I do to make you so upset?!”

Hearing those words made something snap in you. “That’s just it! You’ve done nothing!!” You yelled.

Yuta stumbled back, landing on his back while looking at you with wide eyes at your sudden outburst.

“I’ve waited and waited for you to say anything. I heard you and Panda talking in the hallway the other night, I know you like me, but it sucks just waiting around for something to happen! I’m upset because I like you too! A lot actually!!”

Yuta’s jaw slightly drops, watching as your eyes begin to water.

You quickly turn away from him and wipe your eyes. You didn’t expect to let it all out at that moment, but just hearing what he said combined with that confused look on his face made you angry. You felt as if you were the only one suffering in this situation.

The realization of what you said began to kick in and you felt your ears burn with embarrassment. Did you seriously just blurt out how much you liked him in the middle of sparring? You were definitely going to remember this moment years into the future when you’re trying to go to sleep.

Standing up, Yuta hesitantly approached you, afraid any subtle movement from him would make you run away. He clears his throat, catching your attention. You hesitantly look back at him, feeling even more embarrassed when you see Yuta’s worried expression.

“I’m sorry for not saying anything sooner, honestly, I had no idea how to approach you about it and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable with how I felt..”

You shake your head. “No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take my anger out on you and put you on the spot like that. Just, ignore what I said—”

“No!!”

His sudden yell startled you. Seeing the look on your face Yuta retracts his hand, you kinda wish he didn’t move his hand away. “I don’t want to ignore what you said. Um, how about after we finish practicing we.. go out to eat? Would that be okay?” He hesitantly asked.

You took a moment to respond, taking in how his eyes shifted from you to the ground, his cheeks slowly becoming more red by the minute. Struggling to hold back a smile you nod.

“Yea, I’d like that.”

thank you for reading till the end! :D

masterlist

[the-fiction-witch]

Young Love P1

Media The Artful Dodger

Character Jack Dawkins

Couple Jack X Reader

Rating Adorable

Requested

I have a request can you make one where y/n has been lying to her parents about dating a guy and her parents demand to meet this guy or she will have a arranged marriage with Sneed, so she turns to one of her good friend's Dr. Dawkins and after begging he agrees and the while they have a fake relationship he actually falls inlove with y/n? (Love your stories btw ❤ and could you add some smut?)

I sat in my room as usual in my small book nook, a small divot in the walls due to the strange renovation of our old house that I had lined with bookshelves and a small mattress to form a beautiful nook of books, My book in hand and my necklace pendent between my teeth as I read the alluring words. When my mother burst into my room so I returned my book to the self and sat up. She stood for a moment in her long blue dress fixing her hair a moment. 

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" 

"You're father wishes to speak with you princess." 

I rolled my eyes but hopped out of my nook and followed her through to father's study,  the room dark lit only by candlelight, his desk tidy and neat, his clothes lose where he had been frustrated in his thoughts, he sat at his desk as usual so I sat across from him as my mother perched herself on the corner. 

"Hello Princess," He smiled,

"Hello, Father." I nodded, "What uhh what brings me to the office today?"

"We have a very important matter to discuss."

"Alright," I sighed trying not to seem annoyed by all this,

"The subject of your social life troubles us." He began as he took my mother's hand,

Ohh no not this again!

"I assure you my social life is fine Father."

"Y/n, Princess, you have turned down the last seven ball invitations."

"I didn't know the ladies that well..."

"You barely wish to come on a walk with us, let alone with your sister."

"I find town too hot..."

"You have refused your last four suitors before even meeting them. All you've done this whole year is sit in your room reading your books."

Well... they had me there. And I do not really have an excuse for that.

"Princess we are worried, the last thing we would want is for you to be labelled a spinster or old maid, we want you to go out and enjoy the social life a young lady should have, you should be attending balls, walking in the town, meeting suitors, courting, falling in love a hundred times a day. as a young lady should." My mother chimed in,

I mean... I am falling in love a hundred times a day, they are just usually unreciprocal, and fictional. "I uhhh I..."

"We want you to fall in love, the sweetness of young love is something we wish to never deprive you of princess." He smiled, "Ohh to be young again my dearest?" He asked her,

"Oh it would be a dream," She smiled, "To once again feel the thrill of a sneak away,"

"The passion of a secret kiss,"

"The power of the vision of you outside my window,"

"The secret little snuggles and loving words in the dark"

for a moment I may as well have not been here, it's times like this I am so happy my parents are so utterly in love, even if it is a little weird to me. But they had always been this way and It was sweet, and I knew they had the best in mind for me.

"So, we are going to have to be... tough on you."

"How so?" I asked,

"If you do not start attending events, social functions, and other such things then... we will have to take our own action."

"Action?"

"You have one month to leave your bookworm cacoon and flutter forth as a social butterfly and show signs of at least attempting to look for a boyfriend or... we shall arrange you a marriage"

"WHAT!!" I got up from the chair, "A month! Father, mother, I am not a social butterfly I am not, I have never been, I never will be, and I do not want to be, Why would you do such a thing?"

"Becuase we want you to be happy, to find a sweet man and feel all the sweetness of love, if you will not at least try then we have no alternative." My mother explained,

"We do not do this out of cruelty Y/n, in fact, it pains us so to see you be shipped away with an arranged marriage, something we never wanted for you, your brother or your sisters, we wanted you to feel the thrill of young love but if you are unwilling we will have to marry you off," Father explained, 

"To whom!"

"Dr Rainsford Sneed has more than once offered over you,"

"SNEED!" I yelled, "I am not marrying snivelling slimy Sneed." 

"Well, we don't have a choice we can not deny him any longer,"

"What if I have a boyfriend!"

"What?" my mother asked,

"What if I... already have a boyfriend, a secret one."

"Ohh my, is it true princess?" My father asked, "Do you?"

"Uhhhhh Yes." I lied,

"Ohh this is joyous news! you know we had suspected that perhaps your lack of social willingness had been from your love for another."

"Yes. Yes. that is the reason yes I have a secret lover. That is why I have denied all others, that is why I do not socialize." 

"We have noticed your, exits."

Oh shit. "My- Yes, yes my secret exists to go and visit with my lover..." I lied, I have no lover, I have no man, and I have been sneaking out to play poker. 

"we have noticed you coming and going, secretly. Princess why did you feel the need to hide such things from us,"

"Well, I..."

"We are overjoyed."

"Of course, we couldn't be happier that our sweet girl is feeling the sweet thrill of young love," My mother smiled "Tell us have you two known one another long?"

"Yes, a fair while now" I lied,

"Ahh wonderful, you two are in love?" My father asked,

"Yes, yes deeply in love." 

"Ohh how sweet, and you sneak out together?"

"Yes,"

"You kiss in secret ways, and love each other intimately?"

"...Yes." I nodded, My parents are strange about this sort of thing always have been, they were utterly in love and were very open with their love and affection to one another and had always had an interest in... my siblings and I's... Sex lives. I assume part of it was them living through us to recall their own happy young love times. 

"Ohh this is such wonderful news." My mother smiled, 

"So I don't have to marry Sneed?"

"Of course not," My father smiled, "We shall have to meet this man."

"Uhh what?"

"We shall have to meet him! we must it is ever so exciting."

"Uhhh yes... yes you uhh you should meet him."

"well then it's settled, dinner on Thursday. you must bring him we insist." My father told me before he sent me back to my room, 

The moment my door was shut "Fuck! shit! why did I say that!" 

I sat in the cat and bagpipes having snuck out for poker as usual, the game going on as usual while my mind raced, I needed to find a man by tomorrow! to bring to family dinner! and pretend he's my boyfriend... 

I need a man. 

But where does one find a man?

A clean one. 

Ehhh he doesn't need to be that clean,

I pondered for a while, most men I know are from poker, and most of them are married. 

But I glanced up a moment as a coin entered the centre, and I looked at the man sat next to me on the table, He sat in his usual grey and half-bloody clothes from his work at the hospital, his jacket behind him and his sleeves pushed up as often due to his skill he was accused of cheating. His cards were on the table in front of him, his face unable to read, he added a coin to the pile and slipped his hand back, his other hand doing his usual trick, of dancing his lucky coin across his fingers. He saw me looking at him and smiled at me but with a questionable look. 

Jack and I knew each other well, as we both had a passion for poker, I'd... go so far as to call him my friend. Was I attracted to him? No. He's just a good poker player and often we'd team up against a cheating dick like Darius. 

And then it clicked... 

Jack is a man. 

Well... close enough. 

The guy gave in and Jack won so the man left the table leaving us alone as he took his winnings to his chest. And then he looked back at me. 

"Something bothering you y/n?"

"Can I ask you a weird question?"

".... Sure," he said a little concerned, 

"You're a man aren't you?"

"... what sort of question is that?" he glared, 

"My question. Answer."

"Yes. I'm a man."

"You have the... thingy right?"

He glared across the table "The what?"

"A dick?"

"... Yes! why are you asking!" He said very hushed, 

"... You wanna come to my house on Thursday,"

"Why?"

"Dinner."

"Uhhh... yeah sure." He shrugged, 

"Good, six. Be Prompt." 

"I will do." he nodded, "Are we playing again?"

"Sure," I smiled taking the cards to deal. 

I stood nervously, I know I should have told him but... he'd never agreed if I did. I got dressed into my little green and black dress sitting in my book nook as my sisters used my room.

"It's ever so exciting isn't it Melody?" My elder sister Magnolia asked from my dusty vanity as she was using my room to fix her hair, 

"It truly is! Ever so exciting!" Melody my younger sister smiled as she was still getting dressed as she couldn't pick what she wanted to wear more, 

"I don't know what everyone is so excited about." I sighed, 

"Y/n. This is a very exciting moment, we are to finally meet the man who has captured your heart." Magnolia smiled

"Well let's not go crazy with excitement, he's just a man Maggie," I said, 

"But he is your man! And that is so exciting!" Melody smiled, 

 "Do we get to know his name?" Magnolia asked 

"Jack."

"Jack, Awww he Sounds so perfect! What does he look like!" Melody giggled,

"Well, you're about to find out."

"I bet he's handsome," Melody smiled,

"Charming," Magnolia smiled,

"Stunning,"

"Sweet,"

"seductive,"

"Compassionate"

"You two are boy crazy," I sighed,

"I'm married! I am only Sam Crazy." Magnolia argued,

"I'm allowed to be boy crazy! I can't get married till you do y/n!" Melody complained, 

"I know, I know just... don't make a big thing out of this," I told them,

"Y/n. this is the first man you have ever brought home, mother is excited, Father is excited, Melody and I are excited." She explained, "We just want you to be happy."

"I know." I nodded, 

Once ready we headed down to the parlour where everyone sat having a drink and chatting, my father and my mother peaking out the window trying to see if they could see who was coming, Magnolia with her husband Sam whispering over a glass of wine, Melody stood by the fire playing with her dress excitedly, and my brother Peter drinking with his wife Lisa, I heard the door and my heart sunk. 

Welp... guess it's time. 

"Go on princess." My father smiled,

So I nodded and headed out the parlour and to the front door opening it up to see Jack with a typical smile,

"Hey,"

"Hi." I gulped letting him in, 

"Sorry, I'm a bit late hold up at the hospital," he said slipping off his hat and Jacket,

"You're fine."

"You alright? You look nice."

"Thank you uhh... Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"I am... really sorry." I whispered grabbing his hand and tugging him into the parlour he followed very confused and shocked as he was presented by to my family who all looked at him like he was a prize-winning pig at a fair judging his every inch but looking thrilled and excited, "Everyone, This is Dr Jack Dawkins." 

And of course, a million billion questions came jumping down his throat which he did his best to answer given he had no clue what was happening, I sat on the sofa and just drank to try and avoid this whole situation.

"Wonderful, now dinner won't be a moment you can all return to your rooms" My mother smiled, "Give you all some... alone time." She winked at me, 

and I very quickly ushered Jack to my room and shut everyone out before there could be any more questions. And as I locked the door understandably... he looked pissed.

"Okay! You wanna tell me what the bloody hell is going on!" 

"SHhhhh!" I told him, 

"No I will not shhh what is going on?"

"Jack... I can explain."

"Yeah please do."

"My parents... are weird."

"I noticed."

"They are unhappy about me not being... social."

"You are pretty anti-social."

"Hey!"

"what! you are?"

"And they have this weird thing about being involved in my life, well all our lives really. And they want me to be happy and in love, and active! and I really would rather not. But... they have gotten insistent."

"Insistent?"

"They said if I don't find a boyfriend in a month they'll marry me to Sneed."

"Sneed?" he laughed, "Awww Mrs. Y/n Sneed."

"Shut up Jack." I sighed, "Oddly enough I had to stop them so... I lied, and said I had a boyfriend."

"Okay... where do I? come into all this?"

"I lied and told them I had a boyfriend then they... called my bluff. Said they wanted to meet him and planned this whole dinner tonight to meet him. And I didn't know what else do to so... I Invited you, was gonna pretend you're my boyfriend." 

"Well, that's not cryptic and psychopathic at all..."

"Are you in?"

"Hell no!"

"What!"

"No way! I'm not pretending to be your boyfriend just to satisfy your parents."

"Jack, please! They'll marry me to sneed if you don't,"

"Not my problem." He said, "Maybe if you'd not been so antisocial you wouldn't be in this mess."

"I don't like people you know that,"

"You could have at least asked me? told me I was walking into a fucking meet-the-boyfriend dinner! I thought I was coming to just a simple dinner with you and we'd play poker tonight I was not prepared or warned!" 

"I know I know! I thought if I told you you'd say no."

"yes! I would have!"

"Well, you're here not it too late."

"No, it bloody well isn't. I am leaving." 

"No your not!"

"Try and stop me." He said trying to get past me and out the door,

"No! no no no Jack you're not leaving." I battled with him,

"You can't just kidnap me and pretend I'm your boyfriend!"

"Yes I can!"

"No, you can't! You leave now they'll marry me to Sneed! and I am not letting that happen!"

"You can't just keep me here!"

"Jack Please!" 

"...What?" his face softened and he moved back, 

"Please! Please! Please! I don't wanna marry Sneed, I don't wanna marry anyone this is the only way I can buy myself time, I can get out of this please!" I began to cry, "Please... Please just stay."

He sighed, "Alright, I'll stay." he wiped my tears away, "But I'm still angry with you."

"I know..." I nodded, "Thank you Jack." 

"I wanna be compensated for this."

"what?"

"I'm having to pretend to be your boyfriend... I want compensation."

"Fore, what?"

"My steller acting." 

I rolled my eyes, "Two beers."

"get lost. Beers for two months."

"That's extortionate!" 

"Need me or not?"

"... Ughh! you are infuriating, Beers for two days,"

"Two weeks."

"One week. and... three pounds."

"Ten."

"Five."

"Deal." He agreed, 

"Thank you," I sighed, 

"... Am I gonna have to... be nice to you?"

"Yes." I glared,

"Am I gonna have to kiss you?"

"Maybe."

"My rate is a pound a kiss."

"What! Jack that's insane!"

"My kisses are just that good."

"I am not paying a pound for a kiss!"

"I'm open to negotiations"

"Nothing Per kiss."

"A Pound and a shilling because you're pissing me off."

"Ughh! One cookie a kiss how about that?"

"...I can agree to that." He nods, "Homemade?"

"Yes."

"Alright, It's a deal. but you go back on this and I will tell them everything."

"Fine." I sighed, "But I want an acting performance the globe would be envious of Jack."

"Ohh it will be, just try and keep up with me," he smirked, 

"Dinners ready!" My sister Melody called as she opened my door, 

But the moment it clicked open Jack set his hands on my waist and pulled me close to him kissing my lips, I was shocked! but he was certainly not a bad kisser, I see why he'd be charging a pound for these, I kinda... feel like I'm a dick for lowballing him now. But he pulled back and left me rather breathless before he looked up at my sister, 

"Ohh Do Excuse us." he cooed, "We'll be right down. Won't we My darling?" He asked me,

"Uhhhhh yes, Yeah uhh Tell mother we'll be right down Melody," I nodded, 

So she happily scampered off, and we separated, "What?" he chuckled,

"Warning would have been nice." I gasped straightening myself up,

"Yeah well, I'd have liked a warning about being dropped into a family gathering as the new boyfriend."

"Fair enough, shall we go then..." I gulped heading to the door but he stopped me,

"Before we go."

"What?" 

"...You're gonna have to remind me who everyone is I really wasn't listening when they told me. and also who everyone is in relation to you and by extension me?" 

I rolled my eyes a little, "My parents, mother and father Eliza and Henry. Peter is my older brother, Lisa is his wife, Magnolia but everyone calls her Maggie is my older sister, Sam is her husband, Then there is me and by extension you, and then Melody she's the baby sister." 

"Right... Got it." He nodded 

"Let's get this over with," I sighed, 

"Ahhh young love" He cooed following along behind me,

"You're really gonna enjoy this aren't you?"

"Yes I am." 

[museofthepyre]

Thinking abt Elijah and Jedidiah again, I’ve said a lot of it before, but I’m expanding here (finale spoilers btw):

I think Jeddie and Elijah were intentionally written to represent the opposing extremes of unhealthy love/ affection. It’s a symbolic parallel, they’re complete opposites in terms of attachment style… but they’re united in the fact that they’re both hurting Sydney (the subject of their feelings).

Jedidiah embodies cold, distant, withdrawn and purely behind the scenes love-

And Elijah embodies obsessive, love-bombing, all consuming and suffocating love.

Through this lens,

They both saw Sydney suffering and without consulting him (WITHOUT GIVING HIM A SAY!!!) took it upon themselves to help- but their fucked up perceptions of love lead their solutions to being… naturally… fucked up.

There’s even symbolism in the WAY they both tried to help (…had Sydney die).

Jedidiah wanted to end Sydney’s suffering. He would have Sydney die a lonely, cold, quiet death in the sterile environment of a hospital- then he’d bring him back in body, hoping that he’d return healthy again (the rose tinted memory of the old friend he loves)

Elijah wanted to end Sydney’s suffering. He would have Sydney die in a passionate roaring flame, surrounded by a crowd of feverous celebration- then he’d bring him back in spirit, hoping it’d bring him eternal peace and rest (the mirage of the deity-like figure he loves)

That is like the most blatant metaphorical representation of this whole thing imo. The mode of death represents their destructive love, and how it’s killing Sydney. Like, literally. But when it happens, they both wholeheartedly believe they’re doing this FOR Sydney, to “help” him.

AND THIS BRINGS ME TO MY OPINION ABT ELIJAHS INTENTIONS:

I’ve always interpreted Elijah as being entirely, legitimately convinced of everything he said. Like, through the lens of his own incredibly warped and distorted perception of “love”, he genuinely thought he was doing what was best for/ “helping” Sydney.

He had it in his head that he loved Sydney, none of that was a knowing lie, it was real to him— but his reality was… again, distorted.

And it’s written in a way which highlights how HORRIBLY UNHEALTHY that warped perception is. It mirrors how Jedidiah’s starkly contrasting ways are showcased as unhealthy, despite him too thinking that he was doing what was best for Sydney. Neither go excused, or sugar coated, the point being: to show how neither extreme is good.

Beyond their skewed actions,

They both wanted to resurrect a Sydney that didn’t exist. The Sydney Jedidiah wanted back had withered away,, Sydney’s sickness was more than physical, it had roots in his mind and memories. Jedidiah had left him feeling abandoned for so long that it’d take more than a simple reset to heal their rift. But he didn’t know how to do that, he didn’t know how to be close, and he was too wrapped up in his self- flagellation to actually break down the walls he’d built.

And Elijah’s version of Sydney was a total idolization. He was never self aware enough to realize he was a large contributor to Sydney’s suffering in the first place. He was too wrapped up in the thrall of his own delusions to realize how scary and confusing this all would be for Sydney. (I say delusions bc I think… they were/gen. Coming from someone who’s BPD-spawned delusions get similarly obsessive and convincing… I have a whole other tangent on this for another day)

This isn’t an Elijah apologist message btw, nor is it a Jedidiah apologist message— I just think this depth is an important part of the overall message- you can love someone and hurt them every second of it, if there’s no balance- a line between the two extremes!! I think we are seeing Jedidiah starting to find that line- he was actually listening to Sydney by the end of it all. Elijah… is still stuck in his head.

[sleeplesssmoll]

Hot Take/Analysis: Sonetto went from the Foundation's cage to Vertin's leash.

Sonetto has more freedom in a physical sense. She can explore the world, experience new things, all that good stuff.

But mentally, she's still trapped.

Sonetto believes she's merely a supporting character in Vertin's story, almost admitting this to Sophia in the most recent chapter. She perceives her role as clearing the path for more significant figures capable of making an impact.

This echoes her mindset from her time with the Foundation.

Despite her undeniable prowess, Sonetto humbly sees herself as a tool for advancing supposedly "more important" causes, thus undervaluing her own worth.

When Sonetto and Vertin save Regulus and the Investigators from Manus, Sonetto's teammates express relief upon seeing her, trusting in their captain to save the day. Though Vertin initiates the action by reacting to the threat faster (her perception and ability to sense arcanum is beyond many other arcanists), Sonetto's swift response and strength play a crucial role. Despite their collaborative effort, she credits Vertin disproportionately, attributing their success mostly to Vertin's guidance and perception. It's a reocurring pattern for Sonetto to downplay her own brilliance. This leads into my next point.

LOOK AT VERTIN'S FACE WHEN SONETTO IS IN DANGER. Sonetto is so quick to defend Vertin, she ends up stressing the Timekeeper out. She was ready to die a martyr, now she's ready-- too ready to die for Vertin.

While we know Vertin has expressions, their usually subdued because she's "stoic". For her to spring up out her chair like that and show real panic is something we haven't seen from her thus far. For example, we know she gets furious with Arcana because her bangle starts searing into her skin, but her expression just looks a little mad without displaying the full extent of her fury. Btw I go more in depth Sonetto's effect on Vertin in this post and this one I made later if you're interested.

Sonetto is highly competent, but completely dependent on others in the fact that her "purpose", her "value", is assigned to her by others.

Sonetto doesn't need Vertin to shine, but only Vertin seems to get that out of the two of them. At least she dotes on the puppy? She didn't put the leash there but at the same time...

Do you think Vertin would want to remove it? Isn't it a nice safeguard if Sonetto thinks she needs Vertin? If the puppy is happy, isn't it fine to keep the leash their so it doesn't wander too far? Maybe she'll let Sonetto break this habit on her own instead of giving her insight as usual.

Vertin asks for nothing, wants for nothing, and is always ready to share joy with others.

So can't she be a little selfish this time? Can't she have just one thing in her life that? She's already lost so much.

Is this post just an excuse to lay the groundwork for Toxic TK14 due to codependency??

Codependency: An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment. An extreme need for approval and recognition. A sense of guilt when asserting themselves. A compelling need to control others. Codependency is a circular relationship in which one person needs the other person, who in turn, needs to be needed

[brodieland]

.˚ 𓈒 ࣪.★ pretend I'm just some girl..! ☽

Denki Kaminari x Fem!Reader Synopsis: testing your flirty boyfriend is really fun, especially when he can never guess your next move Tag(s): BLURB, cursing, sex jokes, cheating jokes Word Count: 748 A/N: look at me, writing more than just pjo🤯, this isn't me stopping from writing pjo btw...

Denki Kaminari was nothing if not a flirtatious jokester, yet of course, that's what you loved most about him! When you see him sitting at a stool by the kitchen island, charging his phone using not an outlet but his own mouth, you couldn't help yourself to just not mess with him.

"Hey Denks," you cooed as he smiled your way. "Let's play a game?"

"A game," he mumbled out, forgetting about the charger still sitting in his mouth. He quickly popped it out and repeated himself.

You pulled the stool next to his, scooting closer, "pretend I'm just some random girl at a bar."

Denki narrowed his eyes at you, curious on where you were going with this. "Easy peezy."

You leaned with your head resting in one hand, whilst the other caressed your boyfriends jawline, "how bout I buy you a drink, my treat?"

Denki stared at you through the side of his eye, "no thanks, I have a girlfriend."

"I don't see her," you held his chin and turned him to face you, looking up at him through your lashes, one of your many looks he just couldn't resist. Of course you didn't miss the small smile as he quickly looked at your lips, causing you to smack his shoulder.

"Ow?? What was that for???"

"Your looking at me like you like you want to kiss me??"

"Well I do," he laughed.

"I told you, I'm not your girlfriend right now, just some random," you rolled your eyes, but not in genuine annoyance of course.

"Fine fine, again," you chuckled at his determination to pass your test. You got back into character and started again.

"Soo," you dragged, placing your hand very high on Denki's thigh, making him slightly nervous from just your mere touch. "You here alone?"

Denki realizes he was quiet for too long when your grip gets a little too hard on his thigh, maybe even leaving behind crescent marks from your nails. "You need to stop hurting me."

"Is this how you let other girls touch you when I'm not around or something, I knew you were friendly but this is excessive even for you," you spat out, clearly joking.

"You're so hot it makes me nervous," he stated with his finger in the air, though of course you didn't catch it as you were already half way towards the couch. "There's a reason I rank so low in class, its because you sit in front of me, taking all my attention away from tests."

You looked back at him from your spot on the couch, watching him approach you, "all I hear is excuses."

"One more try, and I'll literally take this test and smack you with it instead."

You shrugged smugly and smiled, "if you insist!"

Though of course Denki took his ambition to pass your little test and threw it right out the window when this time, you sat on his lap, straddling him. With your arms wrapped around his shoulders as you played with his hair, twirling it between your fingers.

"How would it sound if I told you to fuck me right here, right now on this couch?"

"Bro."

You threw you head back in laughter as Denki's eyes just twitched, knowing he would never win this game, or test, with you. "Why aren't you pushing me off and calling me disgusting??"

Denki ignored your banter as he closed the gap and kissing you, slipping his hands in the back pockets of your shorts.

"What would your girlfriend say about-"

"Shhh.." he murmured against your lips, as you both smiled against each other. You guys stayed like this, effectively losing track of time, until the back ground noise got louder, and not so much in the back ground.

"This is a public space guys," Kirishima joked as Sero laughed beside him.

"Yeah, these are very scandalous actions for our common area."

The four of you laughed together as you stood from Denki's lap, crossing your arms over your chest. "Well, I guess I'll go now, knowing that the 'scandalous' Kaminari is a cheater!!"

You did your very best to stifle your laugh from the very shocked Denki, not remember the last time you used his last name to refer to him, and ignoring the wide eyes of the two in the kitchen. They both turned to Denki, now curious on what that was.

"I just cheated on my girlfriend with my girlfriend, someone strike me down."

[joys-of-everyday]

On the fifty shades of morally grey

So quick thoughts on how MXTX writes morally grey.

Sorry, I mean, excessively long meta post on how MXTX writes morally grey. Light spoilers for all three books.

A gazillion caveats to begin with. Firstly, I don’t want to argue about whether character x is morally good, bad, grey, pink or whatever. In my books, arguing about whether someone is or is not morally grey is like arguing whether a colour is green, blue, teal, or turquoise – we’re arguing definitions. To add to that, I’m not saying that concepts like ‘this person is overall good’ doesn’t exist, but I would posit that a morally unquestionable person does not exist. Secondly, I also don’t want to pass moral judgements on any of the characters. That’s for a different post. I strictly want to focus on the storytelling techniques that make the reader think ‘hang on a second, are they good or bad?’. Thirdly, this whole post is mainly based on How Arcane Writes MORAL AMBIGUITY (9 Methods, 4 Rules) - YouTube. Great video, great channel (no knowledge of Arcane required). Would recommend if you are interested in story writing techniques!

1) The information gap and the poor narrator

Best example is Shen Jiu from SVSSS. We barely know anything about Shen Jiu. Almost everything we know is from SQQ’s notoriously unreliable perspective, so we’re left to fill in the gaps ourselves. Depending on exactly how those gaps are filled, you can get two completely different people. E.g. Did he have designs of NYY, or was he just ridiculously misunderstood? Who knows! We’re never told. Even if we were told, we should doubt it because it’s SQQ telling us.

2) 4D characterisation

Schnee’s video goes into this in more details, but this is where you build two narratives on top of one another. Best example is Jin Guangyao from MDZS. Is he an underdog who did what he could out of his situation and tried his best to be a better person working for the good of the common people? Or is he a selfish, manipulative, ambitious snake who at every stage pretends to be good in order to win the favour of those around him? The point is that both narratives make sense in the story. There are moments that lean more one way or another, but you can never quite pin him down completely.

3) Moments of weakness

Best example is Xie Lian from TGCF. On the whole, XL is a wonderful human being who you 100% want to root for. Except… there was that one time he made a mistake. He let his hurt and pain overcome him; he became hurtful himself. The point here is to add in just a few ‘moments’ which fundamentally impacts how the rest of the world perceives them from that point forwards. They are forever trying to redeem themselves, forever weighed down by what is a tiny proportion of their life. The underlying question is ‘is a moment of weakness a moral failure?’

Another good example is Qi Rong from TGCF. On the whole, he’s a piece of s***. But then there are moments when he’s a genuinely good father to Guzi, and that’s confusing.

4) Well-intentioned idiot

Trying to do the right thing and absolutely failing. Best example is Wei Wuxian from MDZS. His intentions are always good. There are extremely few moments where he is selfish or overly cruel. He is always fighting for justice, always self-sacrificing, always kind. And yet the outcome of his actions is pretty bad. The underlying question is ‘should you judge a person based on their intent, or on the consequences of their actions?’

(btw the name of the method is from schnee’s video. No shade on WWX. He is very smart… well, unless it comes to LWJ’s feelings.)

5) Excuses

Yes, they’re bad. But we feel sorry for them! Almost everyone fits into this boat, because doesn’t MXTX love trauma dumping? As one example, let’s look at Jiang Cheng from MDZS. JC’s behaviour towards WWX is pretty bad on its own. But given the context of his childhood being compared to him, of having his self-esteem brutally crushed by both parents? Knowing how much he’s done and sacrificed for him, how much he truly cared for him as family? It hits different.

A small point: ‘excuses aren’t enough’ we say a lot (and I agree, to an extent). But compare, for example, Jin Guangshan vs Xue Yang. JGS seems to be a power-hungry asshole for absolutely no reason. On the other hand, put XY in different circumstances and we feel like he might have been a better person. Just as food for thought, there was a Japanese monk Honen (1133-1212) who said: ‘The good person can reach the Pure Land, so of course the evil person can as well’. The point being that the people who struggle with anger and hate because of their circumstances are most in need of salvation.

6) World building and presenting hard questions

What is acceptable sacrifice in war?

Is it okay to make a super dangerous weapon for the sake of deterrence?

How much personal responsibility does someone hold for a lifetime of circumstances pushing them towards a morally questionable path?

What are the responsibilities of a leader – to do what is right, or to do what is best for their people?

The world of MDZS is imperfect. It’s full of horrors and disasters, as well as a mob of outsiders all trying to impart their opinions despite knowing little about the situation. An imperfect world presents unanswerable questions. We see the characters struggle with these questions, come to decisions, and make mistakes, all naturally arising within the complex world that’s been presented. 

TGCF does this most explicitly. We literally have Kemo and Pei Xiu arguing about the ethics of war and XL concluding that it’s a Hard Question. In fact, every backstory of every Heavenly Official presents a new Hard Question. I don’t know if I like this method over the more subtle style of MDZS, but I have Thoughts about the storytelling styles of both (long story short, I love them both for different reasons).

7) Worlds are colliding

A slightly complicated method that takes a huge amount of set up. To summarise, set up two arcs that we the reader both feel invested in. Then set up a point where the ‘good’ outcome of one is the ‘bad’ outcome of another. For MDZS, we have 1) JC and WWX’s brotherhood arc. 2) WWX standing up for justice arc. They’re both merrily developing all the way through the conflict with the Wens… right until the moment WWX has to make a choice: stand up for justice and leave JC behind, or to fulfil his promises to JC and turn a blind eye to the injustices against the Wens. The decision is a lose-lose scenario because of the way these arcs have been set up.

8) Spectrums, Spectrums, we love Spectrums

Gongyi Xiao is a cinnamon roll. As is Wen Ning and Quan Yizhen. Meanwhile, the Old Palace Master? Literally no redeeming qualities. Wen Chao? Absolute scum. Then there’s everyone lying somewhere in between. We like Lan Wangji more than JC (I think that seems to be the case for most people?) but we certainly like JC more than JGS. Having a spectrum of morality is important because it gives us reference points to contrast and compare. It also emphasises the moral greyness of everything, because sure, Mu Qing isn’t a noodle like Shi Qingxuan, but is he worse than White No Face?

9) Spectrums aren’t enough – adding depth

Almost all of WWX’s moral ambiguity comes from the fact he has hard decisions to make. And for each of these decisions, the outcome is murky. He developed a new technique to fight against the Wens, but at what cost later down the line? He defended the Wens and gave them a few years of life, but was it worth it?

Compare with JGY. JGY does a lot of good. He also does a lot of bad. The magnitude of both lists is ridiculous. Sure, you wouldn’t usually find someone who’s killed most of their family members in any way likable, but how often do you come across someone who literally ended a war?

So one way of creating moral ambiguity is to make each decision difficult, but another way to go about it is to just… make them do loads of things. Like loads of things. Good things, bad things, all the in between things. Judging each thing is not that hard, but then trying to judge the overall person based on it is extremely difficult.

10) Pulling from the real world

Often, moral questions in fiction is hard because (surprise, surprise) moral questions are just hard full stop. Idk enough Chinese history and culture to accurately pin down all of MXTX’s references, but things like stupid misunderstands leading to conflict, poverty and inequality, less than ideal family situations, the horrors of war… these are all things that happen irl. No matter how fantastical the setting, grounding moral conflicts in reality makes us feel more emotional and invested.

Anyway, I hope that was an enjoyable rundown! This is an imperfect list, so comments, criticisms, suggestions greatly appreciated!

[kittenjammer]

Hi! So I was going through your snape tag (btw sorry for the million notifications you probably got), and I noticed you weren’t very much a fan way back on the early days of your blog. Feel free to completely ignore this if you don’t feel like answering (it is truly none of my business), but I’m always fond of hearing people’s “how I came to like this character” or “why I changed my mind about this character” stories and I was wondering what yours was :)

Hiii! Thanks for the ask! (No worries on the notification spam lol) and I appreciate that you reached out!

Yes! I think he was one of the characters I had the most difficulty empathizing with because I had such a strong, emotional reaction to him. Especially after OotP forward. He's divisive! (Also looking back through my Snape tag has me internally cringing a bit with how little grace I extended to the poor guy...ah well. With age/maturity comes wisdom...? D: )

I'm ngl, after reviewing some of the earlier posts, my immediate reaction is to delete them as my opinions have definitely changed, but maybe it's good to leave it as a record of my evolving mindset towards the character? lol

Ok, so what changed?

Well, it certainly helps I'm now closer to adult Snape's age from Book 1 than Harry's age when I was first reading the HP series as it was being published. I didn't give much thought to Snape beyond he was a mean teacher and a bully, for the first four books at least.

I got into the HP fandom around when GoF had been released so I was discovering plenty of fanfic and fan meta. Snape was one of the more ... well ... fans reactions to him that liked him or even wrote him sexually with the cast confused middle-school me, to be honest. I was more interested in the child characters than the adults, so I was vaguely aware of how he was portrayed in fandom but didn't really engage.

This changed after OotP was released, and we finally got some explicit Severus Snape backstory and history with the Occlumency lessons. I had a really an emotional reaction to SWM and some of the memories we got a glimpse of. I was empathetic and not completely surprised to learn Snape was from an abusive home, that he had possible trauma and issues that explained his actions and why he was so cold and angry. Like Harry, I was really disappointed in how his father and Sirius treated Snape. There's just no excuse for how they sought him out to pick on him for fun. I was on Harry's side with confronting Sirius and Lupin about how his dad and they acted.

Also, I read everything with shipper eyes, and immediately felt there was more to Severus and Lily's relationship beyond her just coming over and reacting to James actions lol. They called Jily a crack!ship but it looks like they were validated in the end lol.

However what really made me emotionally react with anger was that we are basically being shown that Severus knows what it's like to be a scared child being abused and tormented by authority figures and other children, but he does it to his students?? I could not understand his actions at a time but I would get genuinely angry when I did think about it. To child me, this felt like a betrayal, both for a fictional character and when actual people did this. Looking back I was reacting so strongly due to my own personal experience with trauma in the home and with authority figures abusing children.

I recall not caring much about him in HBP or DH. I was much more upset with Sirius' death than Dumbledore's, so Snape's "betrayal" was just not something I recall reacting emotionally to. In DH, I definitely remember reading his memories and just feeling irritated with him. To me, he was a guy with trauma and emotional issues, sure, but I felt his behavior towards Harry, Hermione, and Neville was not excused for me. At most I felt begrudging respect for him and acknowledged he was not a completely terrible person. Harry naming one of his son's after him felt so bizarre, and I just could not understand why Harry wanted to honor him. Forgive him, sure I could understand Harry doing that, but naming his child after Snape just left me feeling confused. I could not understand how Snape could have loved Lily so much, but treated her son like he did.

I know I'm basically rambling, but it really has been a journey. :P

When I grew out of HP and the fandom after DH was published, I never gave much thought to him or his circumstances until I (unexpectedly) returned to the HP fandom last summer. I reread all of the books as an adult and I had the life experience and maturity to understand that:

A) Snape was funny! A lot funnier than I remember.

B) His actions throughout the book were too subtle for teenage me, but they made me really question my previous feelings for the character.

C) Everyone Dumbledore was kind of terrible to him!

I read a lot of really well written meta on the characters and HP. Specifically I think it was @pet-genius posts on reddit I found that really helped me put my thoughts and feelings regarding HP, primarily Harry, in order. And I can't help but compare and contrast Harry and Severus as characters and how they each approach their trauma and grief.

@ashesandhackles metas on Snape was also really helpful in highlighting the examples in the text that showed how Snape's actions sometimes directly contradict with what he said, especially to Harry. He's always presenting himself as this cold and controlled person, disparaging emotional reactions and connections. Yet he's one of the most emotionally reactive characters in the series next to Harry!

I was able to see clearer a lot of things I liked about him. That he's an incredibly skilled and hardworking person. That he cares very deeply for people he does allow himself to have feelings for and connections to. That he was scared, so scared, probably all the time after Voldemort's return to power, but he never wavered in his determination to continue to show up and fulfill his duty. Him making the Vow with Narcissa to try to protect Draco. The incredible pain he must have been in when he used the Killing Curse on Dumbledore, the one person left that knew everything about him and still valued him. That he dies keeping silent about the Elder Wand ownership, protecting Draco from becoming Voldemort's next target.

I also viewed his relationship with Lily as so much more complex than unrequited love. There's a meta out there (I will edit this post and link it if I find it again) that argues Snape wasn't really in love with Lily, and that "Always" quote is so much deeper than a romantic, or sexual, type of feelings for her. I think it argues that Snape elevated Lily to a symbol of Good, or at least used her memory to guide him on morality. I felt so much more respect for the guy that he had dedicated his life as penance, basically, for betraying his once-best friend once more.

This is getting long, I hope this wasn't too much. I have changed my feelings on how Severus treated Harry and the other kids close to him in that year's class. Looking at how he acts to others and comparing to how he acts with Harry, I now now I feel Harry was a very specific trigger for Severus and he showed Harry and Harry's potions class a side of him that he generally did not show to anyone else. This is just my personal interpretation based on how other adults, from Dumbledore to even Lupin, and kids speak of Snape as a professor and seem to think Harry is just exaggerating that Snape hates him. When, no, Snape really is projecting his hate and rage and grief about James and Lily onto Harry and he does actually hate the kid. Which, it's probably easier for Severus to think he hates Harry rather than hates himself.

I could keep going but I will stop here for now. I hope that answers the question? But feel free to chat more :) I hope you don't mind I responded with a blog post, I can take it down if you would rather it be answered privately lol.

I suppose the tl;dr version is that Snape makes me angry because he makes me feel things about myself that I don't like, but with age and reading other people's thoughts on the character has definitely made me come around to they guy!