#not having to burden the child protagonist’s with the duty of saving the world and being hero’s (they already are part of the game so it’s a

[tariah23]

They’ve been tearing yuuji apart on twitter for the last 2 days now

[aspoonofsugar]

Blake's Jungle Book

The Jungle Book is Blake's secondary allusion, which is used to describe our Cat Girl's political plotline, her relationship with the White Fang and her interactions in Menagerie (her personal Jungle).

A POLITICAL FAIRY TALE

Rudyard Kipling's The Jungle Book is a metaphor for the author's moral and political beliefs. Unluckily, these ideals are not that good, as Kipling is the author of The White Man's Burden, a famous racist poem. In short, Kipling believed it was the duty of the white man to colonize and educate the "savages" (ugh).

This philosophy appears in The Jungle Book, as well (luckily not as much and together with better themes). Now, RWBY counters this by turning Kipling's premise upside down.

Kipling's works often present the English Colonialism as positive and helpful

Blake's Jungle Book shows a discriminated minority fighting for freedom, conquering violence and helping the world

So, RWBY's Jungle Book becomes an answer to the original tale. It refuses its racism, but keeps intact the vibrating characters and the powerful themes of freedom and self-discovery.

SUMMARY AND KEY ELEMENTS

The Jungle Book is not a novel, but rather an anthology of short stories that often have animals as protagonists. Among these, Mowgli's fables are the most famous and the focus of this meta.

So, here comes a summary of Mowgli's coming of age journey, which is told in several separated tales.

One night, a couple of wolves (in some versions Rama, the father, and Raksha, the mother) find a human cub and adopt him. They call him Mowgli (frog) because he is hairless. Still, the tiger Shere Khan wants to kill the baby. The matter is discussed at the pack's meeting, where Akela (the leader of the wolves), Baloo the bear and Bagheera the panther all defend the child. In the end, Mowgli is accepted into the group thanks to Bagheera offering a bull for him.

Mowgli grows like a wolf of the pack and lives several adventures under the mentorship of Bagheera, Baloo and later on Kaa the python. He follows the Law of the Jungle and feels part of the pack (the free people). Meanwhile, though, Akela grows weaker and Shere Khan spreads his influence among the younger wolves. He convinces them to antagonize Akela and Mowgli. One night, Akela fails to kill the prey, which means the other wolves can kill him. Shere Khan wants to use this chance to seize the position of leader and have Mowgli die. However, Mowgli steals a pot of fire (the so called red flower) to use against the tiger, has him run away and saves Akela. Still, the pack is left with no leader and Mowgli himself feels betrayed by the other wolves siding with Shere Khan. So, he leaves the jungle and goes to live with the humans.

In the human village he is adopted by a woman called Messua and starts herding the buffalos. One day, he is reached by one of his wolf brothers who warns him Shere Khan is coming to kill him. Mowgli decides to attack first and has the buffalos run over the tiger, who is stomped to death. A human hunter sees this and enters a fight with Mowgli over the tiger's skin. The hunter turns the other villagers against the boy, who is forced to leave. He goes back to the jungle, where he is now considered a king, as a result of him killing Shere Khan.

However, the humans think of Mowgli as a demon now and lash out against Messua. They have the woman and her husband tied up to be executed. Mowgli frees them and then decides to destroy the village. He asks for the elephants' help and has them stomp over all the fields. In this way, the humans are forced to relocate and the village gets engulfed by the animals and the vegetation.

Some time later, a new wolf pack is born, but they are soon threatened by the red dogs, who are very aggressive and kill everyone in their path. Mowgli decides to fight together with the wolves and asks for Kaa's advice. The python helps Mowgli lead the dogs where the bees live. The insects emerge from their nest and kill half of the group, while the other half is defeated by the wolves. In this fight, Akela finally dies and tells Mowgli to go live with the humans.

Years later in spring, Mowgli follows Akela's advice and goes to another human village, where he finds Messua again. He goes to live with her and says goodbye to the jungle. Bagheera kills a bull just like the one he offered for Mowgli's safety in the beginning. This is the panther's goodbye and he, Baloo and Kaa all bless Mowgli, as he leaves.

Mowgli's story deals with themes key to Blake's arc.

1- Freedom

Your hopes have become my burden. I will find my own liberation…

Mowgli's pack is called the free people and Blake's White Fang fights for the faunus's freedom. Not only that, but the jungle animals call each other's brothers and sisters, just like the faunus in Menagerie do.

Bagheera went on, "Open your eyes, Little Brother"

Ghira: It's your brothers and sisters.

So, both Kipling's animals and Blake's faunus explore freedom. On the one hand the jungle animals follow the Law of the Jungle and are noble and free because of it. On the other hand the faunus must decide if giving up their own morality is a price they want to pay for their liberation.

Does being free mean you chain someone else up? Or is there another path to freedom?

2- The animal/human dychotomy

Past Blake: It’s simple, really. You could just be human, or just a cat, if you wanted. Really, it’s up to you. Blake: Why would I do that? Past Blake: Like I said, it’s simple, much simpler than trying to be a bridge between Humans and Faunus. Why struggle with that responsibility?

Mowgli and Blake are both animal and human. This in itself is a double-edged sword. On the one hand they find friends and allies both among the faunus/animals and among the humans. On the other hand they sometimes feel they don't belong anywhere. This conflict is explored by them moving freely between the 2 worlds.

Mowgli goes back and forth between the jungle and the human village:

He grows in the jungle, but leaves after the fight with Shere Khan

He lives in the human village for a while, but things do not work out and he goes back to the jungle after killing the tiger

He becomes an adult in the jungle, where he grows powerful enough to lead his pack against the red dogs

He finally chooses to start a new life among humans

Blake goes back and forth between Menagerie/the White Fang and Remnant/team RWBY:

She grows with the White Fang (her pack), but chooses to leave it after Sienna Khan (Shere Khan) becomes the new leader

She lives at Beacon (the human village), where she hides among humans and tries to conform. Still, things don't work out and Adam and the White Fang (the jungle) catch up to her

She goes back to Menagerie (the jungle) and grows strong enough to lead her people (the wolves) against the White Fang (the red dogs)

She finally leaves Menagerie and the White Fang (the jungle) and starts a new life with her team (humans)

So, Blake's story can really be told through The Jungle Book. Let's see to what extent and how the faunus of Menagerie fit the jungle chatacters.

Before we start, though, here are some metas by @blue-cheeseinmyoffwhites, which explore the Jungle Book allusion:

Ilia as Mowgli

Kali as Raksha

Ghira as Bagheera

I am going to reference several ideas present in these posts, so a big thank you to the OP's contributions!

BAGHEERA VS SHERE KHAN

The Jungle Book starts with a disagreement between Mowgli's parental figures and Shere Khan. They fight over the future of the newfound human cub. Should he live or should he die?

This same conflict is present in RWBY, as well. It is just that here the ideological clash is not about a single human child, but rather on the human race, as a whole. Should faunus try to live peacefully with humans or should they fight them violently?

Two leaders come to opposite answers to this question.

On the one hand there is Ghira (together with his wife Kali):

Kali and Ghira allude to all of Mowgli's parental figures, who are:

Raksha - the mother wolf who finds and adopts Mowgli

Akela - the leader of the wolf pack

Baloo - the bear who teaches the little cubs the Law of the Jungle

Bagheera - the black panther who used to live with humans

Kali is loosely based on Raksha in the sense that she alludes to the Goddess Kali, who is worshipped in some areas (like Bengal) as Raksha Kali (Kali the protector). She is also Blake's proud mama wolf (even if she is a cat :P) and is ready to do anything for her daughter's sake.

Ghira instead shares traits with all 3 of Mowgli's fathers. He is the leader of the White Fang, just like Akela is the head of the pack. He transmits his ideals of peace and equality to Blake, just like Baloo teaches Mowgli the Law of the Jungle. Finally, he is the chieftain of Menagerie, just like Bagheera used to live in the raja's menagerie. This is also why the black panther knows more about humans than the other people of the jungle. Similarly, Gheera wants to co-exist with the human race.

On the other hand there is Sienna Khan:

Sienna obviously alludes to the tiger Shere Khan. She is a tiger faunus, who despises humans, just like Kipling's character. Moreover, her personality is on some level similar to Shere Khan's:

Sienna: I'm starting to doubt either of you fully comprehend what it is that I want. I want humanity to fear the Faunus, to know that we demand respect! I do not want to start a war with the humans that we cannot win!

Here, Sienna basically says she is not gonna start a fight she is gonna lose. This personality trait is confirmed by her semblance Grudge, which lets her grow stronger and faster when facing a weakened enemy. In short, she symbolically grows more aggressive and powerful against an opponent already on their last leg. This is similar to the tiger, as Shere Khan is famous for fighting mostly when he has the advantage.

What's important is that Ghira and Sienna's rivalry mirrors Bagheera/Akela and Shere Khan's. On the one hand Bagheera and Shere Khan are opposites ideologically. The panther respects humans, while the tiger hates them. On the other hand Akela and Shere Khan are political enemies, as they fight over the control of the wolf pack. Similarly, Ghira and Sienna embody opposite ideals and disagree on how to lead the White Fang.

In the end, the 2 characters' stories mirror those of their literary counter-parts.

Bagheera and Akela remain close to Mowgli, who keeps following their teachings. In particular, Akela loses control over the wolves, but he is saved by Mowgli who grows into a leader of his own.

Shere Khan briefly becomes the leader of the wolves, but is defeated twice. First politically, as Mowgli humiliates him in front of the wolves. Secondly physically, as he follows Mowgli to kill him, but ends up dead instead.

Likewise, Ghira gives up the leadership of the White Fang and retires. Still, he gets his daughter back and Blake becomes his political heir. Sienna instead influences the younger generation (Adam, Blake and Ilia), but is killed by Adam, who steps up as her ideological successor. Her death even combines both of Shere Khan's defeats:

Mowgli wins against the tiger by using fire, which the people of the jungle call red flower. Adam is the red flower (cursed red rose) who steals Sienna's support and organizes a coup (political death).

Mowgli kills the tiger by having the oxens run over him. Adam is the bull who stomps Sienna to death and kills her (physical death).

Ghira and Sienna leave behind two opposite political legacies, which are picked up by respectively Blake and Adam. So, the panther and tiger's ideological conflict goes on with the cat and the bull's antagonism.

BLAKE VS ADAM

Blake and Adam's conflict ties with The Jungle Book in 3 different ways:

Blake is Mowgli and Adam is Shere Khan - They fight for survival

In The Jungle Book 2016 movie Shere Khan is blind from one eye. The tiger is said to have lost it to humans and their red flower (fire). This is very similar to Adam's backstory. He was abused by humans and lost an eye to them. As a result, he gets corrupted by a metaphorical red flower (the cursed rose), which turns him into a selfish beast. Both the tiger and Adam are blinded by their hate and are defeated because of this.

Not only that, but Adam's personality is really similar to Kipling's Shere Khan (way more than Sienna's). Both are bullies, which turn a wound (Shere Khan's injured leg and Adam's lost eye) into an excuse to hurt others. Both are short sighted and short lived leaders. Shere Khan's status as chief ends immediately because of Mowgli and Adam's command is lost because of Blake. Finally, both follow Mowgli and Blake to murder them, but are killed instead. The way Adam dies even alludes to the 2 ways Mowgli wins against the tiger:

Adam loses because of his anger blinding him, just like a crazy bull. Mowgli uses the oxens' fear and anger to lead them over Shere Khan.

Adam is defeated by Blake and Yang's combined efforts. In particular, Yang is the fire that helps Blake win against her personal Shere Khan.

So, Adam and Blake's conflict really mirrors Shere Khan and Mowgli's, with Blake gaining two big victories against the tiger/bull. The first political (at Haven) and the second physical (at Argus).

Blake is Bagheera and Adam is Shere Khan - They fight over Mowgli

Blake and Adam inherit Ghira and Sienna's philosophies. Not only that, but they make these ideals more radical:

Ghira: She's learned a lesson that evaded me until I was much older: That there is strength in forgiveness.

Adam: We're better than humans. We have everything humans have and more. Humans shouldn't just fear the Faunus, they should serve the Faunus.

Ghira admits that Blake has already surpassed him in terms of inner strength, idealism and ability to forgive. Adam claims that Sienna is not extreme enough in her grudge against humans. Humans should not only fear the faunus, but also serve them.

Blake mobilitates the faunus for peace and love, while Adam invites them to war and hate. So, what was a political disagreement for Ghira and Sienna becomes a full out fight for Blake and Adam. Once again, we have a black cat and a red beast fighting over how to deal with humanity. Symbolically this conflict becomes about one simple soul:

Ilia can be seen as based on Mowgli, especially when it comes to her backstory and chameleon traits:

Blake: Why… why'd you join the White Fang? Ilia: Same reason as you. Blake: But… Ilia: But why fight when I pass for Human?

As Blake highlights, Ilia could pass up as human. In a sense, she is "hairless", just like Mowgli who is jokingly called by his friends "little frog". So, Ilia could easily blend in and this is at the center of her background:

Ilia: We lived in Mantle with the other Faunus working the mines. But my parents wanted something better for me. They managed to enroll me in an Atlas prep school. Imagine that - a little Faunus girl from Mantle going to the city of dreams. I felt like a princess. But I had to follow a set of rules. No bringing friends home, no talking about my parents…and absolutely, under no circumstances, was I allowed to change colors. No one could know I was a Faunus.

Ilia tries to integrate in Atlas (a human village) and perfectly follows her parents' rules (the Law of the Jungle). Still, things eventually do not work out and Ilia leaves Atlas disgusted and heartbroken:

Ilia: I lost control. Every inch of me turned blue as I wept. And suddenly all the girls that I'd laughed and played with… were scared of me. Blake: I'm sorry. Ilia: Don't be. I broke their teeth.

This story parallels and partly inverts Mowgli's. Just like the human cub, she finds herself adopted by people different from her. She feels part of the pack, but a sudden tragedy makes her realize this isn't the case. She is betrayed and leaves to go back to her people. She joins the White Fang, but finds a violent and controlling reality.

So, Ilia herself is the Mowgli Blake and Adam are symbolically fighting for. After all, she is a foil of both.

Just like Blake, Ilia is a young girl who finds herself in a toxic cult. She is confused and manipulated and can't really build up the strength to leave. Her arc also partly inverts Blake's. She starts by hiding her faunus heritage and goes on by joining a violent movement. Blake is initially a terrorist and later on covers her faunus trait. They conceal parts of themselves, both in the White Fang and among humans. Their goal is to be accepted for who they are.

Just like Adam, she is a faunus exploited by Atlas, who grows resentful towards humans because of the Kingdom's racism. They are also parallels when it comes to Blake, as they both fall in love with her. Despite their past feelings, they are also ready to hurt her. In particular, Adam comes up with the plan to kill Blake's family and Ilia takes part in it out of desperation.

In short, Ilia walks a fine line between Blake and Adam and can either turn a new leaf or spiral more:

Blake: That's what worries me about Ilia. She's not like Adam, not yet at least, but I don't know how long that will last.

Luckily, a happy ending awaits our chameleon Mowgli. The conflict between Bagheera and Shere Khan over her destiny is won by the panther and Ilia is happily adopted by the wolf pack:

She finds a sister in Blake and new parents in the Belladonnas. This fits Mowgli's story. Even if he buries his wolf parents in their cave (just like Ilia's die in a cave in), he finds happiness and an adoptive mother in Messua (and Ilia joins Ghira and Kali).

Blake and Adam are two Mowglis - They fight over the Jungle

Mowgli is a character with a duality to him. On the one hand he is honorable, loyal to his people and he refuses to kill humans, even if they treat him poorly. On the other hand he is proud, angers easily and he destroys a village for revenge. He is both respected and feared by his peers:

Blake: We were being treated like equals. But not out of respect… out of fear.

Blake and Adam embody these 2 different sides of Mowgli.

Blake is the Mowgli who fights for her family, her wolf one (Ghira and Kali) and her human one (team RWBY). She is mistreated by both the wolf pack (White Fang) and the human village (society). Still, she doesn't give up on either:

Blake: We're not going to destroy the White Fang. We're going to take it back.

Yang: But you never gave up on them (people). Even when they hurt you. You never give up. You know what matters to you.

Adam is the Mowgli out for revenge, who doesn't forgive either the faunus (the wolves) nor the humans (the villagers). He wants to be on top and relishes his enemies' pain.

Allusion-wise, this difference plays out in the aftermath of Sienna's death, which parallels that of Shere Khan's final defeat. As a matter of fact the tiger's demise marks the beginning of Mowgli's conflict with the humans. This happens because an arrogant hunter wants to take credit for the kill, so he convinces the other villagers Mowgli is a demon.

Well, Adam comes up with a similar lie:

Adam: Give our former leader a proper burial. All who were here tonight will claim that Sienna was murdered by a human Huntsman.

He uses Sienna's death to spread hate towards the humans and the Huntsmen. Not only that, but he manipulates the people of Menagerie into believing the Belladonnas are liars and enemies of the faunus:

Ilia: The Belladonnas are the worse kind of Faunus! They want us to work with the same people that are trying to hold us down! If you truly, truly want to help your people… now is the time to support Adam, not the Belladonnas!

The result of Adam's scheme, though, is that Blake unites the Menagerie faunus (the jungle) by her side.

At the same time, Adam takes up Sienna's mantle as High Leader by killing her. This is how Mowgli gains the other animals' respect after showing them the tiger's skin. By this point, the wolf boy has the jungle antagonize the humans, just like Adam plans a full out attack on Haven.

Both Blake and Adam become the leaders of the jungle and have it advance against their enemy, like Mowgli does. It is just that Blake becomes an inspiration out of love and trust, while Adam grows into a king through hate and violence. So, their collision becomes a clash between 2 opposite ideas of jungle (faunus).

TWO RED FLOWERS

Mowgli's duality is nothing, but humanity's double nature. He can be both a god and a demon. Similarly, people can be both heroes and monsters. This juxtaposition is well conveyed through the red flower aka fire.

On the one hand the red flower gives light and warmth:

Blake uses fire to symbolically draw Ilia into the light and force her to show her "true colors".

On the other hand fire destroys and burns:

Blake: Humans didn't do this. We did this: Faunus. We did this to ourselves.

Blake chooses light and a loving rose who is hopeful and idealistic:

Adam chooses destruction and a spiteful rose who consumes and burns:

Blake and Adam's different ideologies are well conveyed through their two war songs:

This time The ways of the past we'll get over We'll climb Enlighten a new state of mind And now I'll stand with you shoulder to shoulder Out of the ashes a new flame ignite Rise up from shadows and into the light We'll stand undivided Our futures aligned A new brotherhood This time

I'm here I'm your savior I'll be lionized I am the path to reclamation This world will have no peace til our dream's realized No mercy no compassion our fate's justified Time to turn the table on who's tyrannized

Blake sings together with others. This is a recurring motif with her musical themes. After all, she sings alongside Adam, Sun, Ghira and Yang. When it comes to "This Time", though, the use of "We" shows how much Blake's community means to her. She thinks of the faunus as her brothers and sisters ("A new brotherhood") and considers them as equals ("I'll stand with you shoulder to shoulder"). She sees her pack as a political movement made of free people, ready to fight as one.

Adam sings to others instead. He presents himself as a savior and a hero, some kind of chosen one. By doing so he shows he doesn't consider the people he is supposed to fight for as equals. Everyone is below him. This feeling gets clearly exasperated with time.

He starts his own short with this:

Adam: Now - it's time we got what we deserved.

And he ends it this way:

Adam: It's time I got what I deserved.

He goes from "We" (community/brotherhood) to "I" (individual/savior).

Basically, Blake wants equality ("It's time to save our fate and walk beside the human race"), while Adam wants a new hierarchy ("Time to turn the table on who's tyrannized"):

Blake: I never wanted this! I wanted equality! I wanted peace! Adam: What you want is impossible!

Blake thinks true freedom is realized when everyone is free and equal. Adam instead believes freedom is simply imprisoning someone else.

These two mentalities tie with the idea of fighting, which is found in both Blake and Adam's rhetoric:

No way to avoid the warfare No way to escape this strife Hear now-listen to me This time retreat Spells our final defeat We must win our life

Lead them to salvation and regain our lives Behold your flaccid leaders Too weak to take the prize Replace them with a warrior It's time we mobilize

It is interesting because Blake and Ghira are seen as pacifists and even criticized for this. Adam and Sienna instead present themselves as fighters who are not scared to spill blood. And yet, the Belladonnas are the ones asking their people to fight:

Ghira: To do this, I think the answer is clear, we must go to Haven and protect it at all costs!

Adam and the White Fang instead claim they will fight in the faunus' place:

Ilia: He (Adam) will bring about the future that you deserve. And if you are unwilling to fight, know that the White Fang will do it for you!

This is addressed in Blake's speech in Menagerie:

Blake: So why are we letting Adam do it for us?! By doing nothing and staying silent, we let others speak and act in our place. And if we're not proud of the choices they make, then we have no one to blame but ourselves. This is the message that Adam Taurus will bring to the world if no one stops him. But we can stop him! (...) I understand that to ask you to leave your homes and protect Haven Academy is asking you to put your lives at risk. But that's what's at stake.

To give up one's agency to another is the opposite of freedom. Blake wants her people to be active and to choose their destiny. Adam instead is happy with them being passive, so that he can choose in their stead. Blake inspires the faunus to take their lives in their own hands, while Adam convinces them they do not really need to. Blake truly wants people to be free. Adam instead wants people to be his subjects.

These are Blake and Adam's opposite political manifestos, which are conveyed through two different flags.

Blake's flag mixes the old White Fang's symbol with a new yellow one, as there is continuity between Blake's movement and Ghira's. At the same time, white and especially yellow are two colors linked to light:

Blake symbolically brings Adam into the light and shows his real self to the world.

Adam's flag uses a red symbol, which appears more threatening. Red is linked to blood, as his movement is way more blood-thirsty than the original White Fang:

Adam at Beacon is surrounded by destruction and red flames.

So, Blake and Adam's emblems represent the two different sides of the "red flower". One is a flame which burns gold and sheds light. The other is a flame which burns red and spills blood.

THE RED DOGS

The White Fang's red symbol brings to mind the Red Dogs. They are an aggressive group of dogs, which antagonize Mowgli's wolf pack in the second part of the story. This allusion is hinted at also by the Albain Brothers:

They are literally two red dogs and serve as Adam's most trusted allies.

In general, the short story Red Dogs describes Blake's conflict with Adam very well.

First of all, the war with the Red Dogs is in the second part of Mowgli's story and it marks a reconciliation between Mowgli and the wolf pack. Similarly, Blake and Adam's fight happens after Sienna's death and it ends with Blake mending her relationship with the faunus liberation movement.

Secondly, this story just perfectly fits Blake's plot-wise.

It opens with the arrival of a stranger. He is a lonely wolf (Won-Tolla), who has lost his family and a limb to the Red Dogs. He wants to fight the dogs for revenge, but advises the wolves to leave.

He loosely resembles a certain firecracker:

I am the golden one Who burns just like the sun Next time we meet is your disaster I'll bring the punishment Your song will be lament Revenge, my happy ever after

Luckily, Yang doesn't lose her loved ones to Adam (at least not permanently), but she still gets her arm cut and swears revenge.

Mowgli refuses to leave and urges the pack to fight. He says he is no part of the pack anymore, but that he will join the wolves for this battle. This is similar to Blake's speech to the faunus. She doesn't have to help the humans. Still, she is willing to and invites the other faunus to do the same. They shouldn't run away, but fight with pride:

Now is the time you must fight for your lives The battle is on you're already inside Don't turn back now There's nowhere to hide Nowhere to build a new world Nowhere to start anew Here. Now. Is all that we've got Ready or not There's a war to be fought Only one way through

Still, the real similarities between Kipling's story and Blake's struggle are found in her final confrontation with Adam:

Mowgli defeats the Red Dogs thanks to a well-thought plan, while Blake wins against Adam thanks to her bravery. Still, the two fights follow similar patterns.

Both Mowgli and Blake face their opponents in a forest and lead them to a rocky area above a river:

In The Jungle Book, this is where the murderous bees have their nest. Mowgli runs quickly past them and jumps in the river, where he is helped by Kaa. The dogs are instead killed by the insects and fall in the stream, which leads the survivors to the wolf pack, ready to finish them off.

In RWBY, this bridge over a river is where the bees (Blake + Yang) kill Adam:

Symbolically, bumblebee even falls into the water to show that it is in fact the bees' river.

There are also other similarities. For example, Mowgli cuts the leader of the dogs' tail and uses it to provoke the group and bait them towards the bees. Blake and Yang instead try to take away Adam's sword:

And Yang uses it to lead Adam to where Blake ambushes him.

Finally, Mowgli and the Won-Tolla kill the head of the pack together:

Sure, Won-Tolla dies, while Yang survives. Still, in both situations the emphasis is on the necessity to even the score:

You may have taken the lead but I'll even the score You won the battle you won't win the war Not now and Nevermore

Both the wolf and our golden beauty are able to pay their "blood debt" and find peace.

Kipling's story ends with Akela's death. The wolf is one of Mowgli's parental figures and his passing marks the end of the book and the beginning of Mowgli's new life. After all, he is the one who advises the boy to go back to the humans.

Similarly, Adam's death represents a new beginning for Blake, as it grants her freedom.

FREEDOM IS FINALLY HERE

Nevermore Will I be afraid Nor will I run away It's behind me Freedom is finally here

Throughout her arc, Blake grows close to several faunus, who offer different takes on freedom. It is thanks to them that our cat girl finds "her own liberation".

Initially, Blake wishes for everyone to be free and equal and yet she herself is a prisoner of her own shadows:

Blake: I joined the Academy because I knew that Huntsmen and Huntresses were regarded as the most noble warriors in the world. Always fighting for good. But I never really thought past that. When I leave the Academy, what will I - how can I undo so many years of hate?

She feels obligated to solve all of the faunus' problems on her own. Basically, she is ready to free others at the cost of chaining herself.

Adam is her opposite. He wants no limitations nor boundaries and is willing to enslave others to succeed. He starts with Blake herself:

Adam: What, do you want me to just abandon our cause? Like your parents? Blake: No! I'm not saying that! I… I don't know.

He traps her in an abusive relationship with no way out.

To escape Blake needs the help of a free spirit:

Sun alludes to the bandar-log (monkey people). They don't follow any rules, they often change their mind and they're unpredictable. This description fits our Monkey Boy to a tee. Sun is air-headed and does what he wants with no regards for rules. He is a stowaway who runs from the police and happily steals some food for him and Blake. This is similar to how Kipling's monkeys act.

It is just that in The Jungle Book these characters are framed as negative. They kidnap Mowgli and are eaten by Kaa the python. In RWBY instead, Sun is one of Blake's most trusted allies and the two of them defeat a giant snake together:

More importantly, Sun teaches Blake about freedom:

You're free to do the things you want But listen, so am I I've made my choice And now I'm making mine

Blake is free to make her own choices, but her friends are free to make theirs. She is free to leave, but Sun is free to follow her and to help her.

This mentality eventually gets through to Blake and even helps her save Ilia:

Blake: I'm going to try and help her the way you helped me. You showed me that sometimes you need to be there for a friend even when they don't want you to be. I was drowning in guilt and fear, I tried to push you away, but you didn't give up on me. And I can't give up on Ilia. It's about time I saved my friends for once.

Ilia is really the opposite of Sun. If Sun is free and believes everyone's free, then Ilia is trapped and steals others' freedom away:

Ilia says to a tied up Blake: We all have to make sacrifices for the greater good, no matter how much it hurts. (...) I was always jealous of the way you looked at him (Adam). I wanted you to look at me that way. But we can't always get what we want!

She represents the part of Blake who is a prisoner of the past. This is why Blake eventually frees her in two different ways:

Ilia: I still don't feel like I deserve the freedom you and your family granted me.

Ilia is given both physical freedom (she isn't arrested) and mental freedom (she joins a new liberation movement).

Going back to Sun, he helps Blake free herself and others. This may be why she decides to make the new symbol of the White Fang yellow (Sun's color):

Still, Sun's mentality is not perfect:

And his teammates already had plenty to hold over his head. He wondered when they were going to get over it. So what if Sun had gone off to do his own thing for a while? That was just the kind of guy he was; he had to go where he was needed. The gang had been back together for weeks now, but it still hadn’t blown over. Scarlet was acting bossier than usual, and Sage had been giving Sun the silent treatment. At least Neptune always had his back, but something seemed to be off with him, too, no matter how much he insisted that everything was fine.

Sun's refusal to apply any kind of obligations to both himself and others is healing for Blake, but it doesn't work for long term relationships. If you share a bond with someone, you have responsibilities toward them, like they do toward you. Sun has instead the tendency to run away from these kinds of duties. He is incredibly generous with Blake, but he also leaves his team with no warning.

His relationship with Blake is summarized by this line:

Blake: Be careful. Sun: No promises.

Sun isn't gonna ask Blake to make any promises. She can come and go as she pleases, but Sun himself can and will do the same:

Sun: I go where I'm needed!

This is very similar to how the bandar-log act. They do not follow the Law of the Jungle, which means they are not bounded by it. Still, this also means they can't build strong relationships with the other animals. Mowgli and his friends instead do follow the Law, which makes them truly free.

Sun is a great friend to Blake, but our cat girl's freedom isn't found in the absence of obligations. It lies instead in the choice to share a vow with a person ready to reciprocate it.

I made a vow I'm not alone Not dying now we're protecting our own

BY THE BULL THAT BOUGHT ME

Mowgli's story starts and ends with a bull. Bagheera offers the wolf pack a bull for them to accept Mowgli. This means the boy is forever in debt until another bull is sacrificed. This is why when Mowgli chooses to live with humans, Bagheera kills another bull. The panther is paying the debt, so that his friend can leave the jungle and be free.

Blake's arc starts and ends with Adam, a bull faunus. She is introduced at Adam's side and with time he becomes the main obstacle between Blake and her new life. In particular, Adam reproaches Blake for breaking her promise to him:

Adam: You know, she made a promise to me once. That she'd always be at my side. Heh, and look how well she's kept it.

Like Mowgli, Blake has still a debt to pay, which is addressed and solved in Bumbleby's fight against Adam:

Yang: Did she make that promise to you? Or to the person you were pretending to be?

Yang doesn't dismiss Blake's vow to Adam, but points out it isn't valid because Adam tricked Blake and did not reciprocate her promise. In other words, the relationship between Adam and Blake is unbalanced, which makes it unhealthy.

Blake and Yang's bond is different:

Blake: She's not protecting me, Adam. And I'm not protecting her. We're protecting each other.

It is a pact of mutual trust and love.

The metaphor is very clear. Blake's promise to Adam represents their romantic bond, which needs to be cut, so that our cat girl can start a new relationship with Yang. Bumbleby vs Adam being a chemical wedding just makes this symbolism stronger.

Blake disowns her vow with Adam and takes a new one with Yang:

Blake: I have people who actually care about me, and I promised I'd never leave them again. So I'm not dying now.

Just like Mowgli pays his debt to the jungle with the death of a bull, Blake is fred by her previous vow thanks to Adam's death. In this way, Mowgli can join the other humans in spring and Blake can start her new love story with Yang in Mistral (the Kingdom of spring):

Blake: I… I am not going to break my promise, I swear.

After Adam's fall, Blake affirms her promise to Yang once again. This is Blake's wedding vows to her golden beauty.

The end result is that Blake finds freedom and a new life full of gold and light by integrating with Yang (humanity):

At the same time, she is and will always be a faunus (a child of the jungle) and is not going to betray the spirit and ideals of her people:

Blake: A simple life wouldn’t be my life! My family, my friends, my culture. I belong to them, just as much as they belong to me. To give that all away wouldn’t be simplicity, it would be betrayal.

Just like Mowgli isn't forgetting the Law of the Jungle.

In conclusion, Blake's Jungle Book is a tale of freedom, both political and personal. Blake realizes she can't be free by imprisoning others, but also that she herself needs to be unchained to truly help people. She decides her own path as a bridge between humans and faunus and this choice itself is freedom.

[linkspooky]

White Wolf, Black Wolf:  Yuji and Geto

Dualism, is a common theme in Jujutsu Kaisen. There’s a difference between binary opposites and a completementary pair. Binary opposites supposes that two ideas are complete opposites of eachother, they are enemies and therefore cannot coexist. Death is the opposite of life. However, ideas like the concept of yin and yang suggest that these pairs are not opposites, or even enemies, they just exist alongside one another. The feminine yin contains a single dot of the masculine yang energy inside of it and vice versa. 

This pattern repeats itself with both Geto and Yuji. Two characters who seem like they are complete opposites, enemies, hero and villain and yet have far more in common with one another than one might thing. Each of them represented by a wolf, Yuji the white wolf, and Geto the black. 

Dualism - describing how seemingly opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they may give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another.

1. You and the Worst Person You Know Have More in Common than You Thought

Both Yuji and Geto are sharing their body with another existence. Not only that but a sorcerer from the previous era. Sukuna started out as a sorcerer, and one from the golden age of sorcerers. We don’t know who is in Geto yet, but they’ve made it clear several times that they’re not a sorcerer from this era, mockingly referring to the sorcerers of this era as beneath them. The difference is, Yuji is the dominant personality and Geto is the subordinate one. They even fight for control of their body in the same way, by grabbing their neck. 

Both Yuji and Geto have died, and then been improbably brought back to life one time already and had their body healed by the same person who seeks to steal their body. They also both died in front of their other half, their friend, Yuji dies heroically in front of Megumi sacrificing himself so Megumi doesn’t have to call Mahoraga, and Geto dies as a villain after his plan has failed executed by Gojo. Even the days they die are opposites, Geto dies in a clear sky and Yuji dies in the rain. 

They both eat curses. Geto eats them physically in order to store them and use them later. Yuji consumes Sukuna’s fingers in order to grow stronger. Geto’s Jujutsu is themed around his stomach, Sukuna’s is cooking themed. 

Yuji and Geto are both have savior / martyr imagery attached to them. They’re both people who have died, and come back from the dead at least once, and the jesus imagery with Geto is clear and explicitly referenced in hidden inventory. 

Yuji wants to be strong like Gojo, but it’s clear he follows Geto’s philosophy of wanting to save as many people as possible. What motivates him isn’t a clear and strong sense of individualism, but rather the idea that the strong are duty bound to help the weak. Even when Geto’s completely out of his mind he’s still guided by that principle, if he has the strength to do it, then he’s duty bound to try to change the world in the way he sees fit. The thing with Geto is his ideals are warped, but they’re still ideals, he has principles guiding him. These ideals also shockingly sound similiar to what Yuji says, and the burdens he wants to carry. 

It’s something that doesn’t change about Geto from the start to the end of Hidden Invenotry, the strong are obligated to help the weak, it’s just Geto flipped. he sees the sorcerers as the weak and oppressed people, and the masses as the strong ones. 

Geto and Yuji are both people heavily preoccupied with doing the right thing, whereas Gojo and Megumi kind of don’t care (Gojo) / have already accepted the fact (Megumi) that they’re not really saving people with their actions. Geto and Yuji are reckless saviors, they kind of just want to save everybody they see suffering in front of them immediately without thinking through the consequences of their actions. It’s never been seriously analyzed why Yuji feels so deadset on saving others, but from early on he seems to like the idea that it’s a burden that only he can take on himself. It’s something he must duty. The same way that Geto binds himself by the idea of duty. 

Geto and Yuji are just people who will take the whole world on their shoulders, and this isn’t just a parallel I’m making it’s one directly made by the narrative. When worrying about Yuji’s future, Yaga thinks directly of Geto someone who became overwhelmed by everything on is shoulders.

Geto wasn’t able to carry on as he once did, because he couldn’t carry the regret with him. That’s the parallel that the story is making with Yuji, that’s the danger Yuji is in. 

2. Worst Person You Know Makes a Good Point

Chapter 132 there’s a definite change in Yuji’s demeanor. While we haven’t seen the full results of his change yet, not only has he been phsically scarred on his face, but it’s clear the deaths of Nanami, the people killed by Sukuna, all have served to harden him. Nanami wanted Yuji to remain a child a little bit longer, but Yuji has now become a jujutsu sorcerer. However, the words he declares to Mahito have two clear connections to Geto. One, it’s what Geto said to Gojo to stop him from slaughtering the star plasma vessel cult in the moment. 

Gojo has feelings of course, but he’s not moved by them the same way that Geto and Yuji are. Gojo was in need of a tether in that moment and Geto’s words became his tether. Remember Gojo became so powerful as the strongest one he felt like he was capable of anything without feeling it, even slaughtering people on mass, but in that moment Geto became the link that held him back and reminded him he was human. 

What’s ironic is that Gojo was moved by Geto’s words and held himself back, whereas Geto wasn’t. It was Gojo who stuck to those words a year after the fact. He was the strongest, but he doesn’t ever act unless he carefully considers it. He doesn’t just throw power around or slaughter people the way that Geto does. 

What Yuji is vowing to do right now, following his duty as a jujutsu sorcerer without even thinking about it, is exactly what drove Geto apeshit bananas (you see because he loves monkeys so much. It’s a, ‘yknow, it’s one of them jokes). 

Yuji thinks he can just keep going on without thinking and being nothing more than a cog, but it’s exactly that kind of mechanical subservience that completely wore out Geto. Simply going through the motions without questioning it is given to us as the exact reason for Geto’s downfall, it’s one of the most chilling sequences in the manga. 

People aren’t machines, and they aren’t gears, they break down when they try to conform that way. So while it’s understandable Yuji would want to push away all his thoughts in the moment, it’s also not healthy.

The reason Geto became the way he is, is because he realized the laws he was obeying weren’t as fair as he thought they were. He thought it was his duty, and obligation to help the masses, until he looked at his actions with closer scrutiny and realized that wasn’t really what motivated him. Geto thought what he was doing was good, that he would save people, but then Riko’s death was a reality check to him that no one was getting saved by the current system. Yuji seems to have done the opposite of Geto so far. Perhaps I won’t save people. Perhaps I’m just a cog in the machine and my actions truly don’t matter as long as I can keep fighting with my comrades as a jujutsu sorcerer. However, that’s probably not going to work for him.

Yuji’s current comfort in his moment of crisis is that he’s fighting together with all of his comrades, that he carries the wishes of people like Nanami and that’s why he has to keep going, but Yuji also might not have comrades in the jujutsu world after this. We already see people like Kusakabe beginning to turn against him because of Sukuna’s rampage in Shibuya. 

So my intention in all of this is to say it’s not black and white. (Because, get it?? black wolf, white wolf??? Okay, I’m sorry I’ll shut up). Geto wasn’t an entirely bad person, there was good in him too. There was still good in him. This is what Getwo says when he’s beating on Yuji, that if Geto had used his forces more like disposable pawns instead of family telling them to fall back and making sure they all lived he would have won. 

The worst person you know, was still a human being who loved his family with all of is heart. Ideas like this challenge Yuji’s simplified reasons for fighting, and his naive view of the world. 

At the end of the day Yuji and Geto have lots of similarities. They’re opposite colors, Geto black, Yuji white, but they are both still wolves. They’re both moved by deep emotions they feel at the pit of their stomachs. They’re both people who sympathize with others and want to save them, and at the same time get angry and want to kill their enemies. None of this is bad about Yuji in fact it’s what makes him unique among shonen protagonist, he’s not a wholly good person, but just as flawed as anyone else in the story. Nobara’s crazy, Megumi’s crazy, Gojo’s crazy, and then there’s Yuji who should have been the normal one who grew up with a normal life and who is just as crazy as all the rest. 

If anything the parallels between Yuji and Geto show that Yuji is someone who has the chance to grow stronger than Geto by learning from Geto’s fault. Geto tried to carry too much, until the burden of saving the world broke him and he decided he could only save a few people the rest were just monkeys. It’s up to Yuji now to figure out what saving people means, and how he can help others without getting destroyed by the sense of responsibility or just killing himself and dying before he’s helped a single person. However, for Yuji to learn to be better he actually has to think about these things.

That’s also the second parallel to the “I don’t need to think about it’ Scene. (Besides, Sukuna who also declares that he’ll kill for no reason.) In the original Geto fight in the prequel manga Yuta declares this. He doesn’t know whether Geto is right or not, he doesn’t know anything about the world of Jujutsu he just wants to protect his friends. 

Geto calls him egotistical. In the sense that just like a child, he’s only really thinking about himself and his own emotions. Of course Yuta thinks that way because he is a child, a traumatized teenager at that. However, one important detail about this fight is defeating Geto did not cause him to go away. Killing him didn’t actually fix the problem. Geto just came back a year later with somebody else in his body. 

I think this is all leading up to a point for Yuji where he gives some serious self examination as a protagonist. It’s not enough for Yuji to just defeat his enemies. We even see that when after is triumphant moment with Mahito, Geto just wipes the floor with him.

Jujutsu Kaisen presents a very complex world, that’s not  just black and white, not just winning and losing. The next big step in Yuji’s character development is probably going to be realizing this. That he needs to seriously think about his reason. That he needs to think about what he wants to do in the future. It’s not enough for him to sacrifice his life to save someone else, he’s not a hero, or some martryr to a cause. I think the most important thing Yuji has to learn at the end of all of this is to actually live, and find out why he’s alive instead of resigning himself to the fact that he’ll get executed one day. It’s only then Yuji will be able to reach his full potential as both a jujutsu sorcerer and a person. 

He’s just a kid you know? The theme of the manga is kids should get to be kids. Yuji should get to grow up just like everybody else, instead of dying before he’s even old because he ate Sukuna’s finger to help someone else. 

[bbangsoonie]

find me in your memory

member: sangyeon genre: angst word count: 10,200 synopsis: when you return to korea in hopes of recovering your lost memories, one of your new housemates seems oddly familiar. warning(s): inaccurate depiction of amnesia

Prologue:

You had locked yourself in a bathroom stall to run away from everyone’s obvious trying-not-to-stare glances. Your hand clenched around your phone as you stared at the top trending news article. Your father had officially announced his plans to advance his political career and alongside his name were the names of the rest of your family. Your mother, a renown actress. Your brother, a retired swimmer and a rising musician. And you, a rookie model who already walked in various fashion shows.

You were annoyed that your father chose today of all days to release the news. Today was White Day, meaning that boys were throwing you sweets left and right. You hated the extra attention and hated that you had to maintain elegance through it all. It was already bad enough that tonight was some fancy party your father arranged for the purpose of publicity and networking. You would be hiding under a mask all day and night now.

You sighed at the sound of the bell ringing to notify the students that lunch time was over. You dragged yourself out of the bathroom and braced yourself before you returned to your classroom.

People had already whispered about you in the hallways but your classroom erupted into full blown gossip. You heard guys discussing the news and girls expressing their jealousy.

“I guess the princess might actually become a princess now.” one girl said rather loudly. “Look at her. Pretending not to hear all of us. She must think we’re too lowly to even converse with.”

Her friend’s eyes widened at her bold outburst and tried to shush her.

“What? I’m not saying anything that isn’t true.” the girl freed herself from her friend’s grasp and blatantly stood in front of your desk. “Tell me, Y/n, am I wrong?”

You looked up to meet her eyes with a neutral expression. You wanted nothing more than to grab the opportunity to pick a fight with her. But you knew you would face repercussions with your parents so all you could do was force a small smile.

Before the girl could say something more, your homeroom teacher entered the room. Everyone quickly dispersed and found their seats.

“Y/n? Your father’s secretary is here to pick you up. You’ll be leaving school early today.” he said.

The statement prompted more hushed whispers as your classmates speculated the reason why you were being pulled out of class. Without a word, you grabbed your backpack and left. The secretary led you out of the building and into a black car.

You pulled out your phone and earbuds to accompany you for the ride. Closing your eyes, you rested your head on the window and increased the volume of your music. Your brother had sent you the guide for the song he was working on and asked for your opinion. You had grumpily agreed, slightly irked that he only contacted you for things like this.

You hated Younghoon for leaving you alone in this family. He was your father’s pride and joy when he was a national athlete. Granted, he was miserable his whole life pursuing swimming when all he wanted to do was sing. But still, you never expected him to suddenly retire and switch careers without confronting your parents. He simply packed up and left. Without a warning or explanation, he just moved out. By himself. Without you.

Now, all the burden of maintaining the family’s image was on you. You had been pushed into the modeling industry so your father could have a pretty face to marry off later on. However, with Younghoon leaving the sports scene, your father was furious that your entire family were all entertainers without higher aspirations. It was too late for you to learn a sport so now you were to get accepted into Seoul University’s business school. Your father insisted on having at least one socially respectable child.

Your brother spent the last couple of years cutting contact with the family. He refused to attend events or partake in promotional photoshoots. The only time you could ever see him was when he came to take the annual family portrait. That was the only duty he would now fulfill as the eldest son of the Kim family.

You hated him but you also couldn’t despise him. If your affection for him were to turn sour, you’d truly be alone in this world. Yet you were still upset every time your calls went to his voicemail and he replied with a text hours later to apologize. You knew he was busy making up for lost time but it still hurt that he was able to enjoy his freedom while you remained suffocated.

“Miss, we’ve arrived.” the secretary spoke.

You opened your eyes and saw that the car pulled up in front of a beauty salon. You sighed, realizing you would have to get your hair and makeup done. So you went, sitting in front of a mirror for hours as people hovered around you to make you presentable for the reporters that would welcome you with endless camera flashes. By the time they finished, you were given a white silky dress to wear. It was as if your parents wanted to send you off to get married right away.

Keeping your complaints to yourself, you got dressed and were rushed to the party. Your parents were already inside, meaning you had to face the cameras alone. Reporters shouted questions at you; the topics ranged from your outfit to your father’s political plans to your brother’s absence. Ignoring them all, you put on your capitalistic smile and posed. You then bid them goodbye and entered the venue.

It was packed with politicians and businessmen. You walked around, looking for the protagonist of this event. Your father had organized tonight under the guise of celebrating your mother’s upcoming film but the true celebration was the release of today’s news. He was here to garner support for his political campaign and he sure had a flamboyant way of doing it.

“My daughter!” you heard your mother’s voice call out.

You turned around and saw your mother beckoning you over. You put on another smile as you approached your parents. Your father pulled you in for a light hug and introduced you to the man in front of him.

“Y/n, this is Assemblyman Lee. We’ve grown quite close this past year. Assemblyman Lee, this is the daughter I’ve been bragging to you about. She’s even prettier in person, right?” he let out a hearty laugh.

You respectfully bowed and personally introduced yourself to the assemblyman.

“Yes, she is very beautiful indeed.” Assemblyman Lee agreed, joining his laughter. He then presented the tall male next to him. “This is my son, Juyeon. I believe he is the same age as you, Y/n.”

“He plays basketball and even modeled for Seoul Fashion Week.” your father mentioned. “Perhaps you’ve seen or heard of him before?”

“I think we may have passed by each other once or twice that day.” you smiled. To be honest, it was your first time meeting him.

“Assemblyman Lee and I get along like family and we were talking about becoming an actual family once you graduate college.” your father beamed.

Those words made your stomach drop. You knew you’d never get to choose your own partner but now that it was actually happening, you froze. Reality suddenly hit you like a truck. You were never going to have control over anything in your life. You were nothing but a pawn in your father’s journey to the Blue House.

You looked over at Juyeon who looked just as uncomfortable as you. This was the man who you were probably going to spend the rest of your life with and you had no idea what he was like. For all you knew, he could end up hating your guts. You felt panic taking over and excused yourself for an urgent visit to the bathroom.

Your vision was blurred as you quickly exited the ballroom and desperately searched for a private room. All you could think about was your brother.

Younghoon.

Younghoon.

Younghoon.

You needed him. His name was the only thing your brain could think of. You needed him to tell you that everything would be okay. That he would come save you. You knew it would be a lie but you needed to hear it anyway.

Once you found an unlocked storage room, your knees buckled and you fell to the floor. With trembling hands, you dialed your brother’s number and waited for him to pick up. You called him five times but only heard the line ring. Fighting back tears, you cursed him in your head.

You spent the next half hour trying to calm yourself down. Squatting down, you rocked back and forth with your hands covering your ears to block out the noise outside. Your hyperventilation was slowing and you weren’t struck by the fear of dying anymore. By the time you settled down, you felt numb.

With a solemn expression, you stepped out of the storage room. Avoiding the crowd, you wandered around until you found a back exit. Before you opened the door, however, you realized how much you’d stand out in your current attire. You called for the secretary and asked for one of your spare school uniforms. You changed into the blouse and skirt but left out the tie and jacket. Not having sneakers to change into, you kept your heels on.

You insisted that he return to the party and not follow you. You promised you’d be home by evening and shooed him away.

Now that you were finally free, you didn’t know where to go. School was already dismissed but the sun had yet to set. Without any plans, you just started walking. As you kept walking, you found yourself in front of your school.

You laughed in disbelief. Apparently this was the only place other than home that you knew. Finding yourself pathetic, you continued to walk up the path to the building.

The soccer team was still on the field practicing. You sat on a bench, watching them run and kick the ball around. You didn’t know a thing about the sport but found it oddly soothing to mindlessly stare.

After a while, you got tired of it and got up. You let your feet decide where to go next and ended up on the rooftop. The sky was now a golden color. You didn’t remember when you last saw such a view.

At that moment, your phone rang. It was Younghoon finally returning your missed calls. You stared at the screen, debating whether to pick up or not. By his second call, you decided to answer.

“Y/n! Is something wrong? Are you okay?” he asked as soon as you clicked “accept”.

You honestly didn’t know how to reply to his question. Looking back, you wondered if you had ever been “okay” in your life. Was this living or was this just enduring?

“I’m so sorry I missed your calls. I was at the recording studio.” he apologized. “What happened?”

“Nothing.” you lied. “I just missed you. A lot.”

You heard him let out a sigh of relief. Then his guilty voice.

“I miss you too.” he paused. “Listen, I’m extremely sorry for leaving you to deal with Father. I just… I couldn’t handle it anymore. I felt like I was gonna go insane. I could put up with everything but his demand to quit music. That was the last straw. It was the only bit of freedom I ever enjoyed and I couldn’t have that taken away from me as well.”

“But what about my freedom?” you wanted to ask.

“I know I’m a terrible brother. And an even worse son.” he admitted.

Not wanting him to feel sorry, you muttered a soft “whatever”.

“Once I finish recording this song, I promise I’ll do whatever it takes to sneak you out for a sibling date.” he said.

This was the seventh time he made this promise. Either he was always too busy or you could never escape the tight schedule set for you. But like the six other times before, you pretended to believe it.

The call ended soon after and you were left alone in silence. The tranquility on the roof contrasted the storm inside your head. You had spent your entire life striving to achieve your parents’ impossible standards. You were never enough. Never smart enough. Never pretty enough. Never social enough.

Everyone at school saw you as little miss perfect. It brought you both unwanted attention and hatred. People saw you as unapproachable and snobby. Some even expressed their disgust at how fake you seemed. At the same time, there were those who wanted to use you and your connections. There was always someone who wanted something from you.

You felt trapped.

The edge of the roof seemed to call and entice you. As if in a trance, you walked over to the wall and climbed on top of it. You sat on the ledge and took in a deep breath. You stared at the sight in front of you. Most of the soccer team had left school grounds by now. You only heard scattered voices here and there. It was probably the remaining students hollering at each other across the field.

The rest of the world seemed so peaceful. It felt like you were the only one unable to escape chaos. You swung your legs, enjoying the evening breeze. You didn’t want to ever leave this spot.

Your phone vibrated, notifying you of a new message.

“You’ll be meeting Juyeon this weekend. I expect it to go better than tonight.” it read.

Your grip on the device tightened. Without giving you a break, another message from your father arrived.

“Also, your exam scores came out. Your ranking dropped to fourth place. We’ll talk at home.”

You wanted to scream. You wanted to pull your hair out and cry. Instead, you stood up and glared at the phone in your hand. Your hand was now trembling because of how tightly you were holding it.

By now, emotions were beyond you. Feeling pity for yourself was nothing but a waste of time. It didn’t fix things and it surely didn’t make you feel any better. You were just tired of it all.

Allowing yourself one last angry outburst, you threw your phone down. You didn’t watch it fall from the roof and hit the ground. It instantly broke on contact. Unbeknownst to you, the fall startled a male student passing by.

“What the heck?” Sangyeon exclaimed out loud. He had stuck around after school to watch Sunwoo’s soccer practice. They were about to head out for dinner when he remembered that he left his wallet in his locker. He had sent his friend ahead first as he ran back inside to grab it.

He took a closer look at what almost hit his head and was puzzled to see a phone. Looking for the lunatic who nearly killed him, he lifted his head to see where it came from. After his eyes adjusted to the sunlight, he gasped when he saw you standing on the ledge of the rooftop. Getting a bad feeling, he found himself running up the steps. The whole time, “please don’t die” raced through his head.

By the time he made it up to the roof, he was sweaty and out of breath. He wanted to collapse in exhaustion but his eyes widened as you began to inch towards the edge. His body reacted before his mind and he ran to pull you off.

The sudden grip on your wrist spun you around and you fell in what felt like slow motion. You landed on the boy’s chest that was breathing hard. You could hear his heart pump like crazy and his eyes were still closed in fright.

Realizing what just happened, you quickly got off him and dusted yourself off.

“What was that for?” you asked in a hostile tone.

Finally catching his breath, he opened his eyes and jumped up. His eyes almost bulged when he recognized your face.

“Are you crazy?” he yelled, pretending not to know who you were.

“You’re the crazy one butting into other people’s business.” you frowned.

For someone who was about to jump off a building, you looked eerily calm. Sangyeon searched for any signs of distress in your eyes but could only spot annoyance. Still, his gut told him that something was wrong. The empty look on your face scared him.

“Well while we’re in the middle of crazy anyway, why don’t you tell me what pushed you this far?” he bravely inquired. “Bottling everything inside alone will only make things worse. It’s better to just spill everything to a complete stranger you won’t ever see again.”

It was out of character for him to be so nosy but he strangely felt a strong desire to help you. As for you, you normally would have walked away from this situation minutes ago. Yet you still stood in front of this odd boy who demanded to be your impromptu diary.

He intrigued you. He was knocking at the stone wall you put up years ago. He seemed so bright and innocent. It bothered you.

Despite your irritation, something about his eyes made yours water. The way his eyes softened as he looked at you made you feel vulnerable. It seemed as if he could read you like an open book. It brought a wave of emotions you had suppressed for so long.

He stepped closer and offered you a comforting pat on the shoulder. The second his hand made contact, your tears finally escaped and ran down your face. You hadn’t felt the warmth of another human since you last saw your brother. The sudden consolation broke you. Then, like the domino effect, your sobs turned into bawling as your facade crumbled at last.

Sangyeon was shocked to say the least. He never would have thought the Y/n would be crying in his arms. In fact, he never expected to ever cross paths with you. He had only ever heard of you through other students’ gossip. They painted you out to be cold-hearted but the sight in front of him said otherwise.

Hesitantly, he pulled you in for a hug. Recalling how his mom used to comfort him, he tried to soothe you by slowly patting your back. The two of you stayed like that until your cries eventually faded out. Embarrassment belatedly hit you and awkward silence hung in the air. You felt like you owed him an explanation but you couldn’t even pinpoint the exact reason for your actions.

“Thank you.” you muttered softly while sniffling.

Sangyeon smiled in response and rummaged through his pocket to find something. He pulled out a lollipop and handed it to you.

“Even being sad takes energy. You should recharge your blood sugar.” he said as he placed it in your own pocket when you didn’t move to accept it. “Let it all out from time to time. It’s not healthy to always keep negativity inside you.”

You dwelled on his words for a moment. No one had ever told you that before. Everyone was always telling you to tolerate things. You weren’t allowed to disagree with your parents. You had to accept and deal with Younghoon’s departure without expressing how upset you were. You were expected to quietly receive criticism and never retaliate. You figured it was only a matter of time before the pressure eventually set off the bomb inside you. Like today.

Up until now, you thought the only solution for the explosion would be to just end it all. It never occurred to you that you could begin to disobey everything you were taught.

“Thank you.” you repeated. With that, you got up to leave.

“W-Wait!” he called out, causing you to pause. “Where are you going?”

“To eat dinner. You said it takes energy to be sad, right?” you smiled.

Sangyeon didn’t expect to see you again the next day. Cramming last minute for a test, he opted to skip lunch and study at the library instead. After he settled down, he looked up to see across the table. He had to fight the urge to gape.

Feeling someone’s gaze on you, you lifted your head to see the boy in front of you. Recognizing his face, you quickly shut your book closed and got up to leave. He was left flabbergasted at your blatant avoidance of him.

Meanwhile, you were cursing in your head. You chastised yourself for not realizing that he also went to your school. Stupidly, you hadn’t made the connection the day before on the rooftop. Of course he was only there at that hour because he was a student there. Now you were extremely humiliated. And afraid that rumors would spread.

“Hey, wait up!” he called out as he chased after you, earning him a stern glare from the librarian. You didn’t listen and only quickened your pace.

Unfortunately for you, his long legs easily caught up with you. He gently grabbed your wrist to stop you from running away. You scowled when you realized he wouldn’t just ignore you.

“Why are you pretending that you don’t know me?” he asked, crossing his arms.

“I don’t know who you are,” you deadpanned. Your words rendered him speechless and after a few seconds of silence, you turned around to leave.

“Well, my name is Sangyeon,” he persisted, pointing at his name tag.

He spent the next couple of weeks following you around. At first, you found him annoying. He reminded you of your lowest point in life. But slowly, he wormed his way into your heart and established a place for himself there.

He would greet you each morning with a cheeky smile and a carton of banana milk. To be honest, you didn’t even like banana milk. Yet, you found yourself looking forward to it every day.

Eventually, you two formed an unbreakable bond. He was your only friend and all your free time was spent with him. Every time you felt suffocated by your parents, you reached out to Sangyeon for comfort. You never disclosed anything to him but his presence alone cheered you up. He made you focus on him and forget about everything else. You should’ve known that it was inevitable for you to fall for him.

He was that upperclassman that all the younger female students fawned over. You hated to admit it but you were also among the many who thought he was charming. You felt a pang of jealousy whenever you saw other girls swoon over him as he passed by.

Gradually, your personality began to shift into becoming more lively. You were grateful to have him show you the little things in life. You grew to like yourself and the world a little more.

Present:

You stared at the house in front of you. Twelve years ago, you left this house and town to attend school in Seoul. Seven years ago, you left Korea to move to California. Now, you were back as an adult. It felt strange.

Feeling the winter breeze chill your bones, you shuddered at the cold temperature and hurried inside. You were surprised at how neat the place was; you assumed that someone had been sent to save you from the hassle of cleaning.

Trudging up the stairs, you struggled with your large suitcase. You found your old childhood bedroom and roughly unpacked. Having only less than twelve hours until your new housemates moved in, you felt rushed to get the house ready to meet them. You decided to just wash up and sleep tonight and wake up early in the morning to go grocery shopping.

So you slipped into unconsciousness and spent a relatively quiet night. It wasn’t until morning that you were awoken by a dream. It was the same dream that haunted you for the past seven years. Ever since the accident, the same recurring scene appeared to you in your sleep. To be honest, the exact events were fuzzy but it always left you with the same nostalgic and longing feelings. It bothered you how uneasy it made you feel.

You groaned, noting that your alarm clock hadn’t even rung yet. With a loud sigh, you got up and got dressed. With over a decade between your last visit and the present, you relied on the GPS to navigate your way around the unfamiliar neighborhood.

As you walked around the quiet streets, you took the time to enjoy the scenery. You came back to this town to escape the city life but appreciated that it wasn’t entirely in the middle of nowhere.

Luckily, there was a supermarket nearby. There, you picked out a bunch of ingredients you figured would be used often. You didn’t cook much but wanted to change that.

The trip took longer than expected and you picked up your speed to make it back home before your housemates arrived. You let out a breath of relief when you returned and saw that no one was stuck outside waiting. Humming to a song you didn’t remember the title of, your steps were light as you put away the groceries. When you finished, you took a proper look at the house and were displeased at how bare it was. You made a mental note to buy decorations later to fill your new place with signs of human habitation.

At that moment, the bell rang. Suddenly feeling a bit nervous, you ran to the door. When you opened it, you were greeted by four males who seemed surprised at your appearance.

“Hello! Are you the tenants moving in today?” you asked.

“Yes, I believe we spoke with your… brother? On the phone,” one answered.

“It was probably my father’s secretary that you’ve been in contact with,” you said as you opened the door wider to let them inside. “Please, come in.”

They followed you into the house and dragged their luggage behind them. Once they were all inside, you extended your hand towards them.

“My name is Y/n and I will be the one living here with you all,” you introduced.

“My name is Jacob! I hope we get along well,” the one who first spoke grinned as he shook your hand.

You went down the line, greeting and shaking hands with Changmin and Jaehyun. By the time you got to the last person, however, your hand was left hanging. He stared at you with an expression you couldn’t decipher.

“I’m Sangyeon. Lee Sangyeon,” he finally said, taking your hand.

“Nice to meet you, Sangyeon,” you smiled.

You offered them a tour of the house and showed them their respective rooms. While they unpacked, you offered to order food. It was approaching noon and you still hadn’t eaten breakfast. They declined at first but gave in when you insisted on treating them.

By the time the food was delivered, the five of you gathered in the kitchen. You were pouring water for everyone and Jacob began to take out the bowls.

“Jajangmyun is fitting for today, right?” you commented on the Korean tradition of eating Chinese food on moving days.

After everyone was seated, you gestured for them to dig in and began eating. You let out a sigh of happiness at the taste you had missed in the United States. Korean food there just wasn’t the same as Korean food back at home.

“So, Y/n, how did you end up in this town?” Sangyeon asked. Something about his eyes felt intimate yet you still couldn’t pinpoint the reason why.

“I actually just arrived in Korea last night,” you chuckled. “I’ve been living abroad for a while.”

“Abroad? Really?” Jacob perked. “I used to live overseas as well! Toronto, to be exact.”

“I stayed in California for the most part,” you clarified.

“Oh really? California? Los Angeles?” Changmin asked in English. You giggled at his slight accent, finding it cute.

“Yes, I lived in L.A. for 7 years,” you said in English, laughing when Jaehyun’s eyes widened at your pronunciation.

While the four of you chatted, Sangyeon stayed quiet. He watched as Jaehyun asked you about life in America and Changmin told you about the time he visited New York City. He felt a twinge of jealousy when Jacob conversed with you in English.

“It’s definitely Y/n. It has to be. She looks exactly like her and has the same name. But why is she acting like she doesn’t know me? There’s no way she doesn’t remember me,” Sangyeon thought.

The next morning, you woke up early again due to jet lag. Throwing a robe over your pajamas, you headed downstairs to start making breakfast. You rummaged through the fridge, pondering on what to cook. Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t notice someone else enter the kitchen.

“Good morning,” he said, startling you.

With a slight jump, you turned around to see Sangyeon. Embarrassed, you cleared your throat and exchanged greetings with him. He spotted the gleam of a necklace hidden under your robe and furrowed his brows.

“That’s the necklace I got her. It’s Y/n for sure,” he thought.

Again, you felt his piercing gaze on you. Still unable to understand why he kept staring at you, you awkwardly turned back around. Sangyeon walked towards the kettle to make himself a cup of tea, still conscious of your presence. With that, he went back up to his room, leaving you alone once again.

Eyeing the bag of sliced bread, you decided to just settle for toast. After the simple meal, you went back to your room to get ready. It was the weekend and you planned on shopping for little trinkets to furnish the house with.

When you came back, you found your new cohabitants watching TV in the living room. You politely refused their help with the bags, setting them down on the table. You pulled out a few small photo frames and held them out to show them.

“Aren’t these adorable?” you beamed. “I was thinking of decorating the place with photos. You know, to add some warmth and humanity. Feel free to take a couple and add your own pictures.”

You placed a handful of the frames in front of them, encouraging them to take some. After excusing yourself for a second, you quickly ran up to your room to grab the printed photos on your desk. When you rejoined the group in the living room, you began to insert them into the picture frames.

“Is this from your high school entrance day?” Jaehyun asked, holding a photograph up.

“Yup,” you nodded. “To be honest, though, I don’t really remember much from high school.”

Changmin, finding a photo of you in front of the Hollywood sign, asked if it was taken during your college years.

“Ah, yes that’s when I first began my life in America. I was both anxious and eager to leave Korea behind,” you said, unaware of Sangyeon's wince at your words.

“Oh… Would it be okay for me to ask why?” Jacob asked.

“Of course. It’s all in the past,” you laughed. “I had some bad memories in Seoul and left abruptly at the end of my last year of high school. That was when I moved to L.A. to start anew.”

Sangyeon recalled the day you disappeared. He had texted you, asking to meet at the playground. After finding out about a misunderstanding you had, he wanted to resolve it as soon as possible. He waited there for hours but you never showed. You missed school for a week before your teacher suddenly announced that you would not be returning.

And that was the end of his friendship with you. You left without a warning or farewell. Now, you stood in front of him again. After seven years, he was reunited with you as an adult. He was both excited and confused. When he first saw you at the door, he wanted to blurt your name out and catch up on all the missed time. But when you introduced yourself to him as if it was your first meeting, he found himself doing the same.

At every encounter, you acted as if he was a stranger. At first, he thought you forgot about him and it hurt. But now, he supposed that you just wanted to forget about him. When you mentioned that you had bad memories of Seoul and that you were glad to start fresh in Los Angeles, he realized that he was nothing but a painful past to you.

So he put on a poker face and went along with your little act. For a month, he kept his distance from you and made sure to stay within the strict boundaries of a landlord and a tenant. While his friends grew close to you, he remained reserved.

“Why are you so cold to Y/n?” Changmin once asked him. Sangyeon never answered the question and continued to keep his facade up.

Meanwhile, you were clueless as to why Sangyeon was so standoffish. You had asked his friends, who were a lot more pleasant, if he was normally inhospitable to new people. At their unnatural attempts to change the subject, you figured it was just you that he disliked.

Still, Sangyeon couldn’t hide his innate desire to take care of you in his own ways. Every time your favorite snack ran low in the pantry, he would stack up on it next time he went to the mart. Knowing you hated the cold, he would make sure to keep the house temperature high—even when Jaehyun went to lower it, complaining that he was hot. When you fell asleep on the couch, he would cover you with the blanket you kicked to the floor.

The boy in front of you was extremely close as he reached behind your shoulders to put the necklace on for you. You held your breath and felt your heart race.

“There,” he grinned proudly. “How pretty.”

“Me or the necklace?” you asked, half joking and half serious. He shrugged, prompting you to playfully punch his arm.

“Now you’re forever indebted to me, Y/n. That’s a one of a kind necklace you can’t find anywhere else. Be honored I made it for you,” he declared. You rolled your eyes at his arrogance but still smiled nonetheless.

“Since I gave you this, you can’t ever forget me, okay?” he made you promise.

Your eyes opened, waking you up from your dream. Finding it odd how vivid it was, you frowned and sat up. You wondered if it was a part of your missing memory.

The view outside your window revealed a white wonderland, reminding you that the weather forecast predicted a snowstorm today. You groaned, remembering that today was also the day that you would be alone with Sangyeon. Jacob was on a business trip whereas Changmin and Jaehyun went to their hometowns to visit their parents.

“The snow just has to lock us inside this house today of all days,” you mumbled as you snuggled back into your blanket.

You closed your eyes, wanting to sleep a little more. After half an hour of trying to fall back asleep, you gave up with an exasperated sigh. You changed into a sweatshirt and went downstairs to make yourself some hot chocolate.

To your surprise, Sangyeon was already in the kitchen with a cup of hot chocolate. You both froze, not knowing how to interact without at least one of the other three guys.

“Here, you can have this one. I’ll make myself another one,” he finally spoke, handing you the cup topped with marshmallows.

You muttered a word of thanks as you wrapped your hands around the warm drink. Looking at the window, you saw that the snow was piling up a lot already. In an attempt to break through the walls Sangyeon had built around you, you mustered up the courage to ask if he wanted to watch a movie together. Taken aback, he nodded before he even fully processed your question.

That’s how the two of you ended up on the coach with a randomly chosen film playing on the TV screen. The movie was better than you thought it’d be. The subtle love line brought a comedic relief in such an action-packed plot. You enjoyed it until the main character ended up with amnesia; it made you uncomfortable as it reminded you of your own accident. Noticing that you weren’t focusing on the movie anymore, Sangyeon paused it and asked if you wanted to stop watching.

Not wanting to ruin the mood, you shook your head. He stared at you for a bit before turning it off. Although you were relieved, you felt bad because he seemed to be enjoying the film.

Trying to make up for it, you offered to make lunch. At his reluctance, you insisted since you both had to eat and delivery would take a long time. He followed you into the kitchen, watching as you surfed the internet for recipes.

You managed to keep the conversation flowing as you cooked. You asked about his job and he asked about your experience as a college student in another country. You were happy that he was finally opening up to you. By the end of the meal, you felt comfortable enough to share a little more about yourself.

“To be honest, I was very hesitant about coming back to Korea. When I left seven years ago, I left behind a lot,” you began.

“Yeah, you left me behind,” Sangyeon wanted to say. Instead, he kept his thoughts to himself.

“I mentioned before that I don’t remember much of my high school years. The only memories I have of back then are whatever my parents told me. Which isn’t much. They were always too busy to know what went on in my life,” you stated.

Trying to piece the information together, he carefully asked what you meant by that.

“I got into a car accident seven years ago,” you sheepishly revealed, making his eyes widen. “Apparently I was in a coma for about a week. When I woke up, I was told that I was suffering from amnesia. I was hospitalized for another few weeks to recover and then sent to California to be with my cousin, Eric. There, I went through physical therapy and attended university. I was hoping to leave behind my trauma in Korea.”

“O-Oh, I didn’t know you went through all that,” he stammered, embarrassed.

“I feel like there’s a part of my life that I’m missing and I hate it,” you confessed. “I get these dreams sometimes and I think it might be my missing memories but I’m not too sure.”

The two of you fell into silence. Sangyeon despised himself for not knowing what happened. He had been too busy pitying himself to stop and think from your perspective. He didn’t deserve to have you remember him. He figured it was best that you forgot him. There was no point in disclosing everything now anyway.

After that day, you thought you had gotten closer to Sangyeon. Contrary to your expectations, however, you grew even more distant. At first, you thought you were overthinking. But as the week went on, it became obvious that he was indeed avoiding you.

Eventually, Jacob confronted him about it. He trapped his best friend and demanded an explanation.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sangyeon lied with a straight face. Sighing, Jacob let it go. He knew that he couldn’t force anything out of him.

Despite Sangyeon’s efforts to keep away from you, he still continued to quietly do little things for you. Luckily for him, you didn’t notice. You didn’t think twice about the pot of coffee that was always prepared every morning or your shoes that were neatly put away after you left them scattered at the entrance.

You didn’t know why you felt so disappointed. You didn’t realize that you had grown attached to him as time passed by. Something about him felt familiar and comfortable. Yet, at the same time, he felt like a challenge. He was aloof but occasionally had moments that showed his soft side. He intrigued you.

“Y/n, you can’t keep associating yourself with that boy. Imagine how shocked we were when we heard those rumors about you two dating! You know your father has plans for you and Juyeon,” your mother chided.

“It’s the 21st century! I am not getting into an arranged marriage. Especially not just for the sake of father’s political ambitions,” you yelled.

A slap was delivered to your face. The sound was loud and you felt your cheek throb in pain. Bewildered, you glared at the woman in front of you. Deeming your action as disrespectful, your mother slapped you once again.

“You don’t even deserve to be called a mother,” you spat.

With that, you stormed out of the house. The boy your mother demanded you to stay away from wasn’t even your boyfriend. You had hoped that he would be one day but that hope dissipated when you saw another girl in his arms earlier that day. Tears blinded your vision as you fumbled for your phone. You called Eric, praying that he would pick up despite the time difference. To your relief, he did and his voice caused you to sob.

“Y/n? Y/n, what’s wrong?” Eric asked, concerned.

You barely managed to tell him what was going on in between your cries. He tried to calm you down but it was futile. You weren’t listening. You were too busy running away. Too busy to notice the car that was speeding towards you.

You woke up gasping for air. Your heart was beating fast as you checked your surroundings. Once you realized that you were in your room and not on the streets, you relaxed.

“Was that just a dream? Or a flashback?” you murmured. You brushed it off, blaming your return to Korea for these weird dreams.

Eric was landing in Korea today and you were thrilled. You missed him greatly and couldn’t wait to see him again. You glanced at the clock to check the time. You had to leave soon to greet him at the airport. Quickly getting dressed, you hummed in excitement.

On your way down, you heard the doorbell ring. You cocked your head, wondering if one of the guys had invited a guest. You shouted out that you’d get the door and ran to open it.

“Surprise!” Eric yelled, holding a bouquet of flowers.

It took you a moment to process the scene in front of you. You blinked a few times before you squealed and jumped into his arms. He laughed, dropping the flowers to hold onto you. The noise brought your housemates downstairs with curiosity. You quickly introduced everyone to each other and pulled your cousin inside once they finished exchanging greetings.

“I thought your plane was landing in an hour!” you exclaimed.

“I told you the wrong time so I could come surprise you instead,” he winked.

You didn’t notice Eric staring Sangyeon down but Sangyeon definitely did. He tried to ignore it, assuming that your cousin just wasn’t happy with the fact that you were living with four males.

You spent the rest of the day catching up with Eric and exploring your neighborhood together. You showed him your favorite cafe and feasted on the waffles there. He filled you in on how his parents—your aunt and uncle—were doing. They drilled him to make sure he told you how much they missed you, making you giggle. As proof of his completed mission, he took a selfie with you to send to them.

“I miss them too,” you pouted. “I better video call them soon. It’s hard trying to match the time zone and their work schedule.”

“Or,” he dragged out the word expectantly. “You could just move back to L.A.”

“Eric, you know why I came back. And what it took for me to do so.”

“I know, I know. But I honestly don’t know how I feel about you trying to retrieve your memory. Maybe some things are better left forgotten?”

“For the past seven years, something in the corner of my brain has been irking me. I know I’m forgetting something important. I feel it.”

He sighed and put his hands up as a sign of defeat.

“Just remember that if you don’t find what you’re looking for or if you aren’t happy with what you find, you can always go back to join me in L.A.” he said softly.

It was a hard secret to keep from you for almost a decade. In exchange for calling off your arranged marriage, your parents made him promise to never tell you about what happened the day of the accident. You moving to Los Angeles was the solution your parents came up with to keep you away from that past.

Seeing Sangyeon at your house gave him a bad feeling. He didn’t know what he told you and was scared that it was only a matter of time before your memories returned after seeing him so often.

Before Eric left for Seoul, he pulled Sangyeon aside to give him a warning.

“I don’t know why you’re lingering around my cousin but I know who you are,” Eric glared. “I obviously don’t know the whole story of what happened back when you two were in high school but I don’t quite like you. If you’re simply here for a place to live, keep it that way. Don’t put anything in Y/n’s head. She doesn’t need to remember what you did to her.”

“What I did to her?” Sangyeon repeated, confused. “But I didn’t- wait, are you talking about-”

“You know what I’m talking about,” Eric interrupted. “You led her on and then hugged another girl right in front of her.”

“The girl she saw me with wasn’t my girlfriend. She suddenly came up to me and confessed. That hug was initiated by her and was one sided. I found out about that misunderstanding and was trying to clear it up the day she disappeared.”

“Does it matter anymore after all these years?” Eric sighed. “Listen, you have no idea what Y/n went through back then and what was sacrificed to let her live the way she wanted to.”

“If there’s something you want to tell me, don’t beat around the bush,” Sangyeon frowned. Eric let out an exasperated sigh, conflicted. He wasn’t sure if it was his place to reveal details to him but he felt that it was necessary.

“That day. Y/n’s parents found out about how you two had a thing. There were rumors going around and it reached their ears. I don’t know if Y/n ever told you but they already had a guy in mind for her. Some stupid politics shit. Obviously, she said that was ridiculous but what power does a teenager have over their parents? She was fighting so hard for you but it was all in vain. You broke her heart.”

Sangyeon’s face crumbled at his words. You had never told him about the struggles you had in your home but he should have caught on from the day he first met you.

“That accident took away her memory. For better or for worse. She forgot all about the guy her parents pushed her towards and she forgot about the pain you caused her. And to be quite frank, I want it to stay that way. She came back to Korea to recover her memories but she deserves peace and happiness. She doesn’t need any more dramatic twists in her life. If you still truly care for her, you would agree,” your cousin said before he left.

A figure stood in front of you. You couldn’t see the face but there was a sense of familiarity. It was the same boy from your previous dreams.

“How could you not remember me, Y/n?” he asked.

You wanted to hold his hand and try to recall who he was. You wanted to hug him and tell him that you didn’t intentionally forget him. But your body would not move according to your will.

You awoke to a pounding head and sore throat. Feeling your nose run, you reached out for a tissue. You moaned in pain, realizing you had a bodyache as well. You couldn’t bear to get up and pulled the blanket closer to your body to keep warm. Closing your eyes, you allowed yourself to fall back asleep.

Downstairs, the guys were eating lunch together. Jaehyun looked at his watch and verbally noted that you still hadn’t woken up.

“Do you think we should wake her up to eat?” Changmin asked, to which Jacob shook his head, saying that they should leave you to rest.

“I wonder if she’s sick? I heard her coughing in the middle of the night when I got up to go to the bathroom,” Jaehyun said.

On the outside, Sangyeon pretended not to care. On the inside, however, he was extremely worried. You always got sick at least twice each winter. After quickly finishing his meal, he grabbed his coat and headed out to the pharmacy. He asked for any and every medicine to help with colds and kept the bag in his pocket when he came back.

He stopped in front of your door with his hand hovering mid-knock. He decided against knocking and left the bag of medicines hanging on your handle.

When evening came around, Jacob went up to your room with a bowl of porridge. Seeing the bag still on the door, he knocked and entered with it.

“So you are sick,” he commented when he saw your disheveled image.

“Jacob, you are an angel,” you gasped at the sight of the food.

“Actually, the medicine isn’t from me. I think that might have been Jaehyun. It was left on your door handle,” he said as he set the tray down on your desk.

You thanked him for the porridge and made a mental note to thank Jaehyun later. Too tired to do anything else, you took the medicine and fell into another deep sleep.

The next day, you felt better enough to get out of bed. Wrapping a blanket around your shoulders, you trudged downstairs. You saw Jaehyun in the kitchen pouring himself a cup of coffee and said good morning.

“Oh! I didn’t get the chance to tell you yesterday but thanks for the medicine,” you smiled.

“Huh? What medicine?” he tilted his head in confusion.

“You weren’t the one who left medicine for me outside my door?” you blinked. He shook his head and you assumed that it had been Changmin.

However, when you asked Changmin about it, he was clueless as well. It left you with only one other possibility and your heart skipped a beat at the thought. Wanting to express your gratitude, you went out and bought ingredients to make him some kimbap. You spent the rest of the morning working hard in the kitchen, persevering through multiple mistakes.

You groaned the third time the kimbap popped while you tried to roll it. You considered giving up for a brief moment but shook your head. With a determined sigh, you pulled out another sheet of dried seaweed and began your fourth attempt.

Finally, you managed to decently succeed. You grinned in triumph at your slightly deformed roll. After cleaning up the mess you made, you looked out the window to see Sangyeon reading in the yard with a beanie on and a scarf wrapped around his neck. Hoping to keep him warm, you poured a cup of hot coffee and walked towards him with the food nicely plated.

“Hey Sangyeon,” you said as you held out the plate. “I made you some kimbap for you to munch on as you read.”

“No thanks,” he said coldly. You blinked, not expecting such an answer.

“O-Oh… do you not like kimbap?” you awkwardly laughed. “Here, have some coffee then.”

“It’s okay. You don’t need to mind me,” he closed his book and stood up to leave. You frowned at his rudeness, ticked off.

“You could at least take the coffee if you don’t want the food,” you said, making him pause. “Or at the very least politely decline considering the effort I put in.”

“I never asked you to put in any effort towards me.”

You scoffed and put the cup and plate down to fold your arms. His harsh words were so different from his kind actions. It constantly felt like he was trying so hard to push you out and you didn’t understand why.

“Then what’s with the medicine you left for me yesterday?” you confronted him. He froze, not knowing how he got caught. He then noticed that you came outside with no outerwear, making him sigh. Trying to avoid an argument, he silently took his scarf off and put it on you before turning around to leave.

“What the hell, Lee Sangyeon?” you blurted. You placed yourself in front of him to stop him from leaving.

“What is with you? Literally one day you’re taking care of me behind my back and the next you’re avoiding me like the plague. Is this your tsundere concept or what?” you huffed.

You waited for him to say something back but he kept his lips pursed. Exasperated, you ripped the scarf off and stormed back inside.

Sangyeon cursed at himself in his mind. He could’ve handled that a lot better. Sighing, he bent down to pick up the scarf thrown on the ground. At a closer glance, he saw your necklace buried in the fabric. He held it up and stared at the jewelry in his palm. With a conflicted expression, his grip tightened around it, enclosing it in his fist.

You decided that you were over Sangyeon once and for all. You didn’t care how tired he came home looking every night or if was eating properly. You officially gave up on getting closer to him. If he wanted to push you away with his stupid tsundere ways, then that was his problem and not yours.

Grumbling, you climbed into bed to comfort yourself by watching Netflix. You very much rather preferred having your mind occupied with fictional characters than your own issues.

By the time evening rolled around, you grabbed your clothes and headed to the bathroom to shower. Your hands reached up to your neck to take your necklace off but were met with bare skin. Your eyes widened as you looked in the mirror, realizing that the necklace was gone.

You didn’t remember when or where you got it but you always had a feeling that it was important to you. You felt anxious without it.

You rushed to the kitchen to find it. Changmin was staring at you, perplexed, as you crawled across the floor to check every nook and cranny.

“Are you looking for something?” he asked.

“My necklace,” you tensed. “I can’t find it anywhere. Have you seen it here?”

He shook his head as he apologized, saying he hadn’t. Fretting, you checked the living room hoping it was hidden somewhere on the couch. When it still didn’t turn up, you ran outside to check the yard.

At that moment, Jacob and Sangyeon came down and saw Changmin looking out the window. Curious to see what he was watching, they followed his gaze to see you examining the grass.

“What’s Y/n doing?” Jacob asked.

“I think she lost her necklace,” Changmin answered as he took another bite of his apple. “It must be really important to her. She’s been searching for a while now.”

“I hope she finds it soon. It’s cold out at night,” Jacob said with a concerned look on his face.

Sangyeon stiffened, feeling the necklace in his pocket. He brushed it off, thinking you would give up soon. After pouring himself a cup of tea, he returned to his room. The sky rumbled, warning of incoming rain.

“I’m sure she’ll come back in now,” he mumbled.

Half an hour passed as Sangyeon continued reading his book. It was now pouring outside and the raindrops tapped violently against the windows. He reached out for his tea, only to notice be met with an empty cup. He placed the book down and went to the kitchen for a refill.

He was shocked to see you still in the yard, crouched down with a flashlight. Anger bubbled up inside him and he found himself grabbing an umbrella and joining you outside. Holding your wrist, he lifted you up to face him. The rain ceaselessly attacked the umbrella over your heads and his heart broke at the sight of you. You were drenched and your hair stuck to the sides of your face.

“Let go of me. I need to find something,” you freed yourself from his grasp and went back to shifting through the grass.

“It’s late and it’s raining. You can look for it later,” he said as he pulled you back up.

“No, I have to find it now,” you insisted.

“Y/n, you’re sick!” he exploded. “What’s more important than your health right now?”

“My necklace!” you yelled back. “I can’t remember who gave it to me but I know it was a gift. I can’t lose it. I just know that it’s from someone important. It’s the missing memory I came back to Korea to find!”

His chest clenched as your tears blended in with the rain. He never thought that the necklace would mean so much to you. Hesitantly, he pulled it out from his pocket and handed it to you.

“I’m the one who gave it to you, Y/n,” he sighed, closing his eyes. “Seven years ago, I was the one who made this necklace and gave it to you. This isn’t what I meant when I said that you were indebted to me.”

Puzzled, you stared at the chain hanging from your clasp. You were beyond confused. If you had known Sangyeon, why did he never act like it? Then, the pieces started to come together and his behavior started to make sense. Those eyes that seemed to recognize you from day one. The endless supply of the snacks you never expressed your love for in front of the guys. The dreams that you suddenly understood now.

“You knew who I was the entire time… and you didn’t say anything?” your voice cracked. “You knew I was out here looking for the necklace that you had and you still didn’t say anything?”

“I-”

“Forget it,” you cut him off. You shoved the umbrella away from you and slowly walked towards the house.

“Now you’re forever indebted to me, Y/n. That’s a one of a kind necklace you can’t find anywhere else. Be honored I made it for you.”

You winced at the sudden flashback.

“Y/n, you can’t keep associating yourself with that boy.”

You shook your head as if the memories would shake out of your mind.

“You don’t even deserve to be called a mother.”

You stumbled, causing you to flinch. Sangyeon ran to hold onto you and caught you just in time before your knees went weak. You felt your lungs tighten as the world spun around you and his voice became muffled. Then, everything went black.

“We gave her a fever reducer so her temperature should be coming down soon,” the doctor said as he looked through your patient chart. “She can be discharged once she wakes up and finishes the IV treatment. As long as she rests well at home, she’ll be okay.”

Sangyeon profusely thanked the doctor before he felt to continue his rounds. Sitting down next to you, he sighed. This wasn’t what he intended at all. All he ever wanted was for you to be happy. Back then and even now, his priority had always been you. Even if it meant giving up his own desires. Even if it meant giving you up.

It was taking longer than expected for you to awaken. Sangyeon began to worry but the nurses assured him that there was no problem. He restlessly paced around your bed, praying that you were okay.

When you finally came to, it took you a moment to register your surroundings. In what felt like a long sleep, all of your lost memories came flooding back. Still overwhelmed by the sudden anamnesis, you grasped for the only thing that brought you a sense of familiarity and comfort—Sangyeon’s hand.

“Don’t leave me,” you croaked.

“I won’t. I promise I won’t let you go again,” he whispered, holding your hand tighter.

[californiannostalgia]

Tangled the Series Character Analysis: Childhood Trauma POV

I can't believe Tangled the Series really created two incredible antivillains and threw them in direct contrast with the pre-existing golden couple. I love what the showrunners did with the main quartet, so I made a very subjective analysis post about it from a Childhood Trauma POV. (Spoilers, obviously.)

The Boys

The series' focus is on Rapunzel, and by association her direct opposite, Cassandra, so the boys get comparatively less screen time. But it doesn't take long to figure out that Varian is meant to be a parallel for Eugene—these are two people dealing with the absence of parental guardians, struggling to reconcile the lives they previously had with their changing ideals in relation to a less-than-perfect Father Figure.

They both respond to the helpless state of being young, alone, and powerless by trying to take back power in any way they can. Eugene reinvented himself and buried his desires for a family. Varian throws in everything he has into recovering what he lost, because he's a child and the best solution he can think of is to return to the familiar safety of his father's presence. A significant portion of his desperation is fueled by fear of his father’s disapproval, because as much as Quirin loves Varian, he wasn’t the dependable voice of support. Varian needs approval from outside sources, which was also Flynn Rider’s purpose in life, once upon a time. (Again, parallels.) 

Throughout the series, the boys' relationship with each other transforms from exasperated incomprehension to easy understanding. The process is hastened as Eugene lets himself realize he cares a lot about troubled kids who remind him of himself. He becomes aware that children should not be required to survive on their own like he and Lance had. Spurred on by his significant other's love and encouragement, Eugene is able to acknowledge the adverse affects of his childhood on his life and start moving on. His extending a ready hand to Varian is his process of healing. Though Eugene's first priority will always be Rapunzel, he truly wants to save Varian from the uncontrollable volatility of risky decisions because he knows that downward spiral intimately.

Of course, there is a difference between thieving from the rich and planning the destruction of a kingdom. We'll get to that later.

The Girls

Rapunzel and Cassandra are the biggest driving forces of narrative power in the show, and they are survivors of child abuse. Every one of the main quartet has Parent Issues, but Rapunzel takes the crown (figuratively speaking) with this one. She was kidnapped and groomed into a life-giving doll, and she was only able to escape her abusive adoptive mother through incredibly traumatizing means. For Cassandra, it was neglect, and even her loving adoptive father couldn't leviate the scars left on her childhood mind.

They're a classic case of Golden Child vs. Scapegoat, which is a common case seen in siblings raised by Narcissistic parents. When one child is "favored" more than the other, the kids experience vastly different childhoods, resulting in resentment that stems from their inability to understand each other. Rapunzel and Cassandra are both jealous of what the other had—Rapunzel wants Cassandra's casual, practiced ease with freedom and personal agency, while Cassandra wants the attention and respect that Rapunzel is given by the status of her birth. Because they're unwilling to speak candidly about the unique hardships of their childhood, what results is a series of miscommunications that put a strain on their friendship.

Cassandra and Rapunzel both want the other in their lives, but how they attempt to make that connection is very different. Cassandra wants to be a helpful, essential force in Rapunzel's life. Unfortunately, Rapunzel has been raised on the idea that when push comes to shove, no one will help her survive. Cassandra interprets Rapunzel's desire for independence as Rapunzel scorning the connection that Cassandra is attempting to create. Add in some manipulation from an ancient evil, and Cassandra decides she is done exhausting her emotions for Rapunzel.

Rapunzel, on the other hand, wants absolute honesty in her relationships. Gothel raised her on lies, so she spurns deception. But Cassandra knows the merits of protecting herself by holding her opinions in, which is where the misunderstandings occur. Rapunzel cannot trust someone who isn't completely forthright with her. She's tired of dealing with liars, and she grows afraid that Cassandra will cause her the same pain as Gothel did. But the thing is, Cassandra is not Gothel, and Rapunzel loved Gothel. She couldn't save Gothel, but maybe she can save Cassandra. It's not too late.

Rapunzel doesn't know when to give up on Cassandra because she is aware that she and Cassandra are similar people. Giving up on Cassandra would feel too much like giving up on her own hopes for a happy life. Rapunzel can't let Cassandra be unhappy. This princess cares too much, loves too hard. She never learned how to write people off because you can't survive a childhood like hers with that much cheer if you don't hang onto your optimism like a goddamn lifeline.

This is Rapunzel’s method of taking back power for herself: saving others. Rapunzel could have been Cassandra. Rapunzel is trying to believe she herself is worth saving—therefore, Cassandra must be worth saving as well. Rapunzel's significant other is giving her a stable source of love and support, but without a proper resolution to Cassandra's struggles—a final proof that despite Gothel's influence, they can both be happy—Rapunzel would feel incomplete.

The Golden Couple

At the end of the day, Rapunzel and Eugene are fundamentally good people. If it comes down to it, they would be unable to sacrifice the world for their own desires. (Eugene's thievery doesn't count as an expression of true desire because it was literally his method of survival. An expression of true, selfish desire for him might've been something like manipulation and abduction for the purposes of making people stay, but Eugene is not Gothel and he would never do that to anyone in a million years.) (On a side note, Rapunzel's selfish desire might've manifested in the abandonment of all duties and personal connections in favor of eternal exploration, or revenge towards a kingdom that failed to save her, or a thorough destruction of authority figures—but she loves people too much and would never be able to forsake her family.)

Life threw a lot of rocks at them, but these two came through it marginally well-adjusted. They affirmed their love for each other in a violent, unforgettable manner, which makes it easier for them to trust in each other's affection. Eugene would've been okay with never finding his biological father, just as Rapunzel had been okay with her biological parents' inability to protect her. They have no wish to punish the world for what they suffered. They’re content with who they are. They're just glad they made it, that they're finally allowed to love someone without being afraid. They're each other's saving grace.

The Antivillains

This is the difference between Hero and Antivillain: Cassandra and Varian are willing to punish the world for what happened to them. There’s a very faint line between justified retaliation and venting. In their desperation and anger, they cross the line, and they’re unable to stop themselves once they get going. Unlike the Golden Couple, Cassandra and Varian refuse to settle. They want what is owed. 

Also, they really, really hate themselves. (This is important.)

Varian believes Quirin is the ultimate source of affirmation. The fact that he lost his father by way of his own dangerous experiment, coupled with the fact that no one prioritizes his call for help in the face of national disaster, is enough to make him feel isolated from the world. Though he is burdened with a growing sense of remorse for his deeds, he doesn’t stop resorting to drastic, harmful measures to get his father back until he is forcefully stopped by betrayal from his allies. He finally makes the full transition from “antagonist” to “protagonist” when Rapunzel risks herself to save Quirin from the rocks. If Quirin could not be saved, there’s a possibility Varian might have stayed an antagonist, unenthusiastic though he may have been in his villainous role. As long as Quirin is trapped in those rocks, Varian remains the villain who put him there.

With Quirin safe, Varian allows himself to take huge steps in healing. He slowly rediscovers his self-worth, one that is separate from Quirin’s approval. Rapunzel—and by extension, Eugene—play the friendly, supportive role to Varian’s ingenuity, helping him along in his quest for self-acceptance. Varian still has trouble working through the heavily ingrained self-hatred, but he recovers enough confidence in his own judgment that he takes Eugene’s warning to heart and is able to install a safety device in his father’s helmet, just in case.

This is the Varian who meets Cassandra in the Tower that once belonged to Gothel. At this point in time, Cassandra has been manipulated into thinking of herself as weak and unimportant in comparison to Rapunzel. Her adoptive father, much like Quirin, was too gruff to be vocal with approvals. Her efforts have not been met with successes. She feels like a failure, and she hates feeling like a failure. This is Cassandra’s method of taking back power: by turning herself into someone unforgettable. If she can make something of herself, she’ll finally be able to prove Gothel wrong. She can be just as special as Rapunzel, if she’s given the chance. She wants that chance.

Similar to Varian, Cassandra doesn’t stop her downward spiral until her supposed ally and mentor betrays her and forcefully takes her power away. Only when there are no options left does she allow herself to admit that she was wrong. She is then rewarded for her honesty with Rapunzel’s love and trust. Armed with a new confidence, the sisters vanquish the evil together in an epic showdown that will long be remembered. Cassandra finally gets her dramatic hero’s tale.

Rapunzel and Eugene have an internal compass that lets them make snap decisions. They don’t have the healthiest self-esteem, but they can at least stand by what they think is right. Comparatively speaking, Cassandra and Varian have terrible self-esteem. They don’t trust their own judgment and are heavily influenced by outside forces. Without the constant barrage of trust and affection from Rapunzel, who is akin to a blazing sun when it comes to personal loyalty, these antivillains might never have reached their redemptive ending. They wouldn’t have been able to let go of their twisted priorities without outside influence. Can’t blame them for it, though.

It’s no surprise that Cassandra and Varian are relatable to many people. Who wouldn’t want to reclaim what was taken from them during childhood? (Of course, the problem occurs when you start hurting others to reclaim what you lost.) Their journey is a different kind of vulnerable from Rapunzel and Eugene’s journey, and it’s extraordinary in its detail. This show is essentially a long exploration of the various ways a parent can mess you up and the coping methods of kids who want to become more than their past, which is totally up my alley of expertise. I’m grateful I got to watch them grow taller than their trauma.

Finally, here’s a parting gif of Lance, because I love him and he’s a well-adjusted ray of sunshine. We all wish we could be as mentally stable as Lance—the main quartet included.

[hei-ch0u]

Oh boy. Here goes... Shingeki no Kyojin Final chapter (139) thoughts and analysis ✰

Well, where do I even begin to accumulate my thoughts on the final chapter of Shingeki no Kyojin? Even after some time to reflect and read the chapter many times, over and over - I’m still going to struggle to form this analysis. But, alas I shall try my best despite this.

I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and understand my own views of the final chapter. Proceed with caution - ⚠️ spoilers ahead ⚠️

This chapter and ending overall has left me with a love/hate relationship with the overall tale in full. I’d even go as far as saying it has tainted my view slightly of the entire series in one way or another and I will never look at it the same way I did - as much as I wish I could. My reasoning for the love/hate relationship I have will come, but, I want to start off by saying that despite it’s ending I will always appreciate this story and Isayama for his work, even if I myself don’t approve of his steering towards the ending.

It is just like I said in my theory, the thing we all need to recognise with this story is that the characters we love and have cherished, were never going to get exactly what they desired and if anything this chapter is a clear indication of that fact. It has been a story that was paved for a bitter, somewhat ‘bittersweet’ ending (yes, I hoped it wouldn’t be in the form of ‘that’, but it was). It is just as Mikasa said - “The world is cruel and merciless, but it is also beautiful”. This tale became the typical embodiment of humanity and how ruthless it can be.

Again, like I said in my theory, it was heavily foreshadowed that Eren was playing devil’s advocate and might have to sacrifice his freedom in this life to save the ones who meant the most to him. We heard hints in OST’s such as My War, Red Swan, Vogel Im Kafig, among others…

“Angel playing disguise with Devil’s face”

“I’ll cry for you in a dream”

“All of my kingdom, for your return, I’d let it burn!”

“Spread your wings, which are dreaded in blood”

“And eternity as you, fly to heaven”

“Like a fallen angel”

“Looking down from above I feel awful”

“Every living being dies someday, whether we are ready to die or not”

“Is that the angel who flew down from the twilight sky?”

“Is that the devil who crawled out from the crevice?”

“Tears, anger, compassion, cruelty, peace, chaos, faith, betrayal.”

It was foreshadowed, all of those things in the last example is humanity in a nutshell. The use of birds to symbolise the dead was shown on multiple occasions. Hell, even in the Levi ova, his friends are shown as 2 birds above him as he continues forward. It didn’t shock me that Eren’s soul was represented or “reincarnated” in the form of a bird - simply because birds are the most free creatures on our planet, they can fly over land, sea and maintain the air around them. Realistically, we should’ve analysed the birds presence more (it was even implied in the opening trailer for season 4. Falco awoke to a bird flying above him, we saw the bird present many times in even past seasons and don’t get me started on how many times it was present in the manga). Our Angel was Eren. He was a fallen angel - a slave to the story and what it means to be human, to feel deeply and make sacrifices. He was never a monster, just a pawn in a wicked game.

For a split moment of initial shock, I let the “judging a book by its cover” ideal kick in. After calming down and having access to proper translations, again I can’t say I love this ending or hate it - it has the bittersweet notion that was intended, but it was also lukewarm. It is not perfect by any means, there are some plot holes and loose ends that could have been tied up by extension. However, Isayama maybe intended for it to remain open for interpretation. Something of which, I’ll reveal what I personally took from the ending.

One thing I am surely certain of, is that I can hold my hands above my head and say this chapter 100% embodied my love for my favourite character - Eren Jaeger. He had such a tragic outcome, he did it all for his friends and loved ones. He was never free, not in life and partially not in death. He was a broken child, in a broken world with a broken fate of shouldering mass amounts of responsibility with no idea of how to change or control the past, present and future. To witness your best friend talking of all the things he was going to see, yet knowing you wouldn’t be there to see it yourself. To know the girl who was there for him forever and always, could never be his to cherish. He had no freedom to do so. To live the life he wanted to, he would have died anyway. If he had ran off with Mikasa, he would have damned his friends. The life he wanted was not feasible, therefore he chose to sacrifice his desires so his friends could live long lives, unlike the one he was damned to. He was a character who was torn along all sides of the coin. Torn between his desires, his duty and his self - all while experiencing memories from all angles. He was not a monster or a psychopath and I won’t let others spit on his name due to their lack of analysis and empathy. He is human. He is allowed to feel. He isn’t pathetic for wanting to live, for wanting to be with his friends or the girl he loves. He is 19. Can you really say you wouldn’t feel the same? It is natural to be frustrated at your life being ripped from under your feet at such a young age. He was damned if he did, damned if he didn’t. Look at his face in paths when he talks with Armin, he is devastated and he had no solution.

However, I do believe he will be reunited with his friends once more. After all, the scouts were reunited in death, so why shouldn’t he? His friends will not live in vain, his sacrifice will mean something. They will live their life to the fullest and find peace in life and then in death - they have Eren to thank for that. Another misconception I want to pick out of the fandom is that they did not condone genocide, they did not thank Eren for ridding the population of 80%. Armin states it as an “error”. What they did do, was acknowledge Eren’s sacrifice for them to live and that they understood it’s not what he wanted himself, but that due to unseen forces. - did he really have a choice? It is not by any means perfect, but it gives them freedom to live out with the walls - was this not Eren’s dream? To be free, not confined within the walls by Titans. He did exterminate all titans, that is one goal Eren Jaeger accomplished. We don’t know the full extent of the power of the attack titan or the founding titan, this is one of the open plot holes. Eren himself explains this, he himself has no clue and his head is a mess - is it any shock that his head is a mess? People would go crazy over less. He was a pawn in a story with no happy ending. At least not for him.

Even in the bird reincarnation theory, I hope he is happy and free. Free to roam the skies, perch upon the tallest mountains, titter along the grass banks of the world and watch over his comrades, his friends, the ones he loves deeply… The tragic protagonist I will always remember. (Especially as one who was done so dirty by his author)

There was so many routes this manga could have taken, fan theories proved this and I do think the ending could have been executed better. We were not getting a happy ending, it is not happy by all means. Those characters left have to live in the aftermath, aware of their friends sacrifice and all he had to put himself through for them to live the lives they themselves desired. My favourite quote will always be:

“Don’t pity the dead. Pity the living”

Mikasa lost her family in more ways than one, she has to live a life where she didn’t get the one person she desired more than anything, but I believe she will move on and Eren will be by her side the entire time until they are reunited in death. Levi is the same, he lost everyone and whoever his love may have been - Erwin, Hanji, Petra (who knows). Either way, he didn’t have those loved ones around in the end. But, he no longer has to fight for survival and can spend the remainder of his time resting until the day in the future he can be reunited with his comrades, friends and even kick Eren a big one, ruffle his hair, tell him its okay and tell him all the things he wanted to tell him like he said. Armin lost his best friend, he held the burden above his head that he himself killed Eren and not Mikasa. However, he has an abundance of friends, he has Annie and he can travel the world like he desired - like Mikasa, he will have Eren by his side for the remainder of his time.

Jean can meet the woman of his dreams and have the children like he desired, knowing that even in their silly quarrels - Eren was loyal to him always. Connie can have his mother back, his family and move on. Reiner can live, not die like he once desired and live on knowing of Eren’s sacrifice, that he wasn’t a monster himself. He is free from the curse, as is Annie, Pieck and Falco. The warriors have their families back. Gabi and Falco can be together unlike their comparisons, sad, but fitting. They are in Paradis, a place we never expected them to be in the end, advocating for change alongside Onyakapon looking after their elder, Levi, alongside them. On Eren’s death anniversary, it is implied they all return to his grave to be together, none of them are alone like we initially thought. Mikasa is not alone in Paradis since it is implied that Levi, Onyankapon, Gabi, Falco, Historia even… still live amidst the walls - I think it would be wasteful to assume such a strong character secludes herself after the love of her life’s death. She does not have to love another man, she can choose to live her life for herself, a long one alongside her friends. This manga has never necessarily needed to have love stories, they are implied, but not needed. For life itself is the embodiment of their freedom.

This above is the rosy way of looking at it and it’s what I personally will take from it. I overall think it is terrible writing and use of dialogue - there’s no denying it. I myself as a writer and artist would have done it differently. Isayama has created a manga with a tragic story that reveals the raw, tainted feeling of what it’s like to be human. We all want things, we all have desires…but we don’t always get them, no matter how hard we try, some will slip from our grasps. That is life, no matter the universe. Yes. But, I do think in ways Isayama did taint and obliterate Eren as a character. This I am disappointed in. It is a typical author ideal of damning his protagonist and the sad thing about being a stories protagonist - you risk being ruined due to being written so complex initially that the author loses sight of how to conclude your arc respectfully. I believe from what we have been shown, he would not have accepted his death that easily and would fight for another way. Although, I cannot blame him as I myself would have felt defeated, suicidal and depressed at learning everything he did after his contact with Historia at such a young age. Remember, how you are brought up in an already cruel world is key - he didn’t stand a chance. But alas, I still feel he would’ve fought. This Eren is not the Eren we saw the majority of the manga, but then again he did change and I feel so sorry that the Titan power had that effect on him.

This is the character development true Eren stans are enraged with. TATAKAE! Fight the attack titan, fight the founding titan, fight against your cruel fate - don’t succumb to defeat. There is always another way. I don’t accept this version of Eren, due to the development we saw built by Isayama of his character, I can’t. It leaves so many gaps among other plot reveals. I don’t see what was accomplished. Eren’s being, his life, was a ploy to keep the other characters we care about alive, but at what cost ? If I was Eren’s friend, I would go forward like he wanted me to, but I could never forget the burden he bared and what he had to go through and what he did to achieve that outcome for me. I would forever be sad. I would be living in a world much like this one, lacking in peace and serenity and above all is that not what we all desire in one way or another? He did not necessarily know the Dina titan would go for his mother, but he had to direct it away from Bertholdt since in the timeline it was not his time to die. Always remember the theory of time, one thing changed, drastically changes the outcome. He did not want civilians or people within Paradis to die, it became collateral damage and no one would be able to fight for some time because of the 80% notion. He gave them time to live, time to change things to the best of their abilities and experience all they possibly could. They became the ‘heroes’, but again, at what cost?

Now, to the plot holes and answers I feel needed to be present for the story to knit together in a better way. This will be less “paragraph” based and more pointed, since…well these things were not explained. Majority of potential foreshadowing was swept under the rug like it meant nothing to bring about the lukewarm feeling I was talking about.

The alien like hallucigenia, what exactly was its purpose? It’s reason for being? It disappeared and ceased to exist. No mention of how it came to be. Even Ymir just vanished. Everything ceased to exist and Eren himself couldn’t understand Ymir’s reasoning other than being able to witness love. This seemed to be cop out on Isayama’s part.

Historia’s pregnancy was heavily implied and emphasised on within the manga, making readers think it meant something (when a creator zones in on these things, its usually for further plot reveal) Her character development was destroyed and she deserved better. She sidelined herself and stayed away till the final moment where it is implied she and Armin will become the negotiators of a new world, all while housing tyrants (Jaegerists). Again a further implication of Shonen manga and its poor interpretation of women.

The conclusion to Ymir and Eren’s particular character arcs was shocking and this can’t be dismissed. We needed both their sides of things to explain more. It lacked real conclusion and didn’t match up to past events or character development. This chapter should have purely been an Eren POV with the ending moments of how the scouts moved on. Of course this couldn’t have been done in 1 chapter, hence the recognition that this manga needed ‘more’ and it wasn’t enough to tie it all together. Another flaw in Isayama’s writing and continuity.

The Ackermans? Don’t get me started. My theory again will entail my rage about this one. Did the Ackerman power cease to exist like the titan curse? What is their origin story? To imply the Ackerman blood concept in all its parallels and foreshadowing to not even have the 2 remaining characters from said bloodline talk about their shared experience in thorough detail is such an abysmal hole in plot. Especially with it being heavily emphasised throughout the entire manga.

I barely saw any signs of Eren being in love with Mikasa? If this was the case, then it should have been shown in the manga and emphasised like isayama did with many other things that eventually had no meaning. I always viewed their relationship as very toxic to both sides and needed amending. So for Eren to suddenly turn round and say he doesn’t want her to be with another man....I find this a very bad continuation and completely disregards how Eren has been the past 138 chapters. Why was it so hard for him to say these things even before he made contact with historia and unravelled it all? Was it the power of the attack titan preventing him?.... (below)

The attack titan and founding titan, explain how it works. Why does Eren himself not fully understand yet he embodies them? Why could he not have flipped the switch? Why could he not ask for help? Explanation is needed.

All the time loop links diminished to nothing other than Eren’s past, present and future…yet its implied in many characters even in their childhoods mentions of things they could not be aware of. How can it merely be coincidence?

I wholeheartedly believe that this was not the initial ending of Shingeki no Kyojin, specifically because I and a few others I’ve seen noticed the shift in the story around 10 or so chapters ago. It seemed to be going in the route of a few particular fan theories and then suddenly (quite drastically I’ll add) shifted into this ending. I can only theorise that Isayama changed his original ending along the way to please editors and readers in different ways. In interviews past, he has completely contradicted things he has said about the manga and its ending with what he has produced in the final chapter. When you look at it from a marketing point of view as a selling point, if Isayama had killed certain characters like “Levi” for example or left the ending dark as it possibly could have been (something I wouldn’t have put past yams to do) it would be bad from a marketing point given the likes of Levi is the targeted favourite of the series (even with being a side character) and editors would heavily warn him of this.

People are saying that it’s Isayama’s story and editors won’t have influence - you’d be heavily surprised how much the editing team can have influence, especially when a story of this magnitude becomes so popular. I do think in ways, Isayama gave up. As an artist even myself, its very abundantly clear when a fellow creative loses drive and how the concept of something becoming popular can influence you to become bored and look for a way out. Hence, the clear signs of the story coming out as rushed, its all there, the loss of continuity, the holes in plot and even though Isayama’s art can be inconsistently coherent - some parts of the past few chapters weren’t at the full potential we saw previously. We watched him get better to suddenly somehow revert? That to me seems like a creator who had just had enough and maybe in the end chose to veer off his original plan.

Alas! As I said, I will always love Shingeki no Kyojin despite its ending and loose ties, it holds a place in my heart and has been a favourite of mine since my school days. Being an adult now In her 20’s and experiencing the many troubles of what its like to be human and a creative can sympathise with the struggles and stress Isayama would have been under all these years as his manga gradually became the phenomenon it is now. As it is our favourite characters time to rest and move on, it is his also. Although the story is not where I and many others hoped it would go, I still thank him massively for giving me characters like Eren Jaeger, Levi Ackerman, Mikasa Ackerman, Armin Arlert… the list goes on. Thank you for embodying why Eren was my first and last favourite character. Goodbye Shingeki no Kyojin.

[sage-nebula]

My problem with the “let the adults handle things" is that the protagonist and Hop are just okay with that and actually listen? kids aren't like that?? In every other story with children and main characters they get told stuff like that but still don't listen anyways and actually works and save the day. But the real reason is that it was probably the original plan but the game got rushed and had to scrap it and cut corners

This might come as a shock, but kids are people, and therefore aren’t a monolith. “Kids don’t listen and wouldn’t be okay with that” isn’t a statement that can be made with 100% accuracy because just like all adults are different, all kids are different. Some kids will stomp their feet and throw tantrums when they’re told no. Others will accept it. It depends on the individual child, as well as the circumstances involved.

As for these specific children and circumstances:

The primary time that Leon and Sonia say “let the adults handle this,” Hop wasn’t actually present. He shows up after the cutscene has already unfolded. Even if he had been, Hop hero worships Leon. He wants to surpass Leon because surpassing him means being just like him. He’s crushed after battling Bede not because he lost, but rather because Bede tells him that he’s making Leon look bad. Hop apologizes to Leon the next time he sees him. What all this means is that if Leon tells Hop to do something, Hop is 99.9% likely to do it. If Leon says, “Stay back and let me handle this,” Hop will. This is evidenced by how, even though Hop runs past Raihan and others to get to Leon in the climax of the story, he at first hangs back and lets Leon handle Eternatus, confidently telling the player that Leon can do it. It’s only when Leon fails and is injured that Hop steps up to battle Eternatus alongside the player, Zacian, and Zamazenta. So yes, it makes perfect sense that Hop would listen to Leon because Hop hangs on Leon’s every word and has since he was very small. He trusts and believes in his brother implicitly and, even after deciding to cheer for the player in the Championship match, later confides that he didn’t really think the player was capable of defeating Leon.

As for the player, they have no personality outside of what you give them. For me, I’ve been playing Pokémon games since 1998. I’m absolutely beyond tired of having to save everyone’s asses because the PokéWorld can’t go two years without facing another crisis. I don’t want to be the hero anymore. I don’t want to be the Champion anymore. I was exhausted at having to be the Champion in Alola. This isn’t a job that appeals to me, it’s not one that I want. So if Leon and Sonia say, “Go continue your adventure, we’ll handle this,” my response is, “Thank fucking god” because that means I can fuck back off into the wilderness and continue exploring. I don’t want it to be my job to clean up whatever bullshit mess Chairman Rose or any other villain has caused. I am here to explore lands I’ve never seen before, to catch and train and play with monsters, and battle alongside them in battles I choose to participate in, too. That’s all I want to do. Any other bullshit is just a giant pain in the ass that pulls me away from what I’d rather be doing. And since I feel that way, the player character in my games feels that way, too. After all, when I play, the player character isn’t actually a kid. She’s actually an adult in the body of a kid. But she’ll pretend to be a kid if it means someone else picks up the slack and saves the world for once (even if she ends up having to do it anyway, sigh). She deserves a damn break.

All of that said:

In every other story with children and main characters they get told stuff like that but still don't listen anyways and actually works and save the day.

That’s exactly why it’s refreshing that this wasn’t the case in Sword & Shield. I mean, yeah, the player had to intervene anyway because that’s just how video games work, but it was nice that for once in this series’ history the adults actually tried to do something. The only other time this has happened was in Black & White, wherein the Gym Leaders and Alder stepped up to make a stand against Team Plasma. Otherwise, the adults are 100% useless in every single game, even the ones where the villain is threatening genocide, and as an adult myself, I really hate that. Sure, kids need stories where people their age are being heroes, absolutely. But when adults don’t even try, and instead happily leave everything on the shoulders of a child, I get aggravated. It shouldn’t be up to actual children to save the world, and it was so refreshing to see a Pokémon game where that was recognized, and where the Champion himself was seriously injured trying to make sure that didn’t happen.

Lastly:

But the real reason is that it was probably the original plan but the game got rushed and had to scrap it and cut corners

Yes, Sword & Shield had a limited development time that led to some things getting cut (such as the National Dex, tragedy though that is), just as every game since Gen VI has. However, I can confidently say that this is not one of them because of the characters involved.

Sonia has, in my opinion, one of the richest characterizations and most realistic stories out of almost any other Pokémon characters from the games. At the start of the game, she’s in her twenties and has no idea what she’s doing with her life. She’s retired from battling after dropping out of the Gym Challenge in her youth, but she dropped out of the Gym Challenge because she lacked the confidence to face the obstacles it presented, not because she wanted to do something else. The fact is, Sonia doesn’t really know what she wants to do. We know that she went to school at one point (her fake assistant in the post-game mentions that Sonia does have a doctorate), but she doesn’t have any actual research she’s working on. Instead, she’s a self-appointed assistant for her grandmother, even if what she does is mostly just meander around the lab . . . reading or organizing materials, I guess.

But after her grandmother gives her a kick in the pants and tells her to go find something she wants to do, she manages to do just that. She finds something that ignites her curiosity and her passion, something that makes a difference in her life at the very least, and possibly the lives of everyone in Galar. She finds her confidence, her drive, and her purpose. At the end of the game she’s the new regional professor, more sure of herself and her place in the world. And as someone who only just very recently left my 20s, I can say that Sonia’s story in this regard is very, very Millennial. Most twenty-somethings have no idea what they’re doing with their lives. And while they probably won’t figure it out as quickly as Sonia did (I’m still working on it myself), her struggles are very relatable and real. It’s clear that a lot of thought went into her character and her writing. Game Freak gave her a lot of love.

With all of that said though, Sonia being hyper-aware that she is an adult while Hop and the protagonist are kids is something that is present from the very beginning. She brings it up when you first reach the wild area, for instance. She makes it known that she has more experience and that she is therefore watching out for you and for Hop (particularly since Leon frets over Hop, as Sonia also points out). Sonia telling the protagonist to just keep enjoying the Gym Challenge while she looks into things is 100% in character for her. It’s characterization present from the start.

And the same goes for Leon. Leon, who became Champion at age 10, and therefore has had to shoulder the burden of being Galar’s Champion for over a decade, knows exactly what it is to have too much responsibility at too young an age. Sonia notes that Leon “practically raised [Hop]” (which is odd given they have a mom and at least one grandparent, but nonetheless), and also that he worries about him constantly. I believe Raihan says something along the same lines. And we see this from Leon as well, with him questioning you about what was going on with Hop when he runs into you in Hammerlocke after Hop’s battle against Bede, and then talking about how he’s going to seek Hop out to talk to him again. Leon doesn’t want Hop to so much as feel bad, much less be in actual danger, even setting aside the fact that Leon feels greatly responsible for the safety and happiness of everyone in the Galar region and therefore feels that it is his responsibility as Champion to face any threat to any of that head on. (Which, it is his responsibility as Champion to face threats to the region, but Leon takes it too far in that he feels he’s responsible for everyone’s happiness as well, which in turn contributes to how unhappy he actually is being Champion). So considering the fact that Leon is very protective of Hop and feels strongly that it is his duty as Champion to deal with any burden Galar faces, it is 100% in character for him to wave you off with a smile as well. That’s not a “we cut this corner because of time,” this is a, “We understand the character we’ve created and we’re staying true to him.”

So, to summarize: I disagree with everything you said. Goodnight. 

[scumerage]

Tornado and Child Emperor are the True Protagonists of the Monster Association Raid:

#I. Garou is not the Protagonist of the Raid:

Why those two and not Garou? Simple. Garou is the protagonist of the Monster Association Saga, not the raid. He is barely present during the raid...

The fight against Darkshine (Pri Pri isn't much of a fight) =

Arriving at the surface and claiming Disaster Level God

Proceeding to defeat GS and every hero on the surface

His fight with Saitama and the aftermath

Now, the last two are two of the largest events in the series.... but those only happen at the end, during the beginning and middle of the raid, Garou does absolutely nothing other than beat down Pri Pri and Darkshine, then climb to the surface. Garou isn't very much relevant for the beginning and middle of the raid.

But what do Child Emperor and Tornado do that is so, so much more important? Why can they lay claim to being the protagonists of this raid in the manga (Edit 2) and not Garou (or even Saitama)? Quite simple: Child Emperor is the sole leader of the S-Class heroes, and Tornado is champion of the heroes, expected to defeat the Monster Association alone when all hope is lost (Edit 1).

#II. Child Emperor - The Leader of the Heroes:

What does Child Emperor accomplish?

The planning of the entire raid (Tracking down the monsters HQ in City Z/ mapping out the entire area/providing communicators and strategy)

The battle against Phoenix Man, which causes him to doubt the entire Hero Association and his fellow S-Class

The rescue of Waganma, the #1 reason the raid happened in the first place

Coordinating with the other S-Class on the surface to fight ENW, BS, and Garou

Is that as much as Garou? No. But it is throughout the entire raid, not simply the end. Therefore Child Emperor plays a much larger and more central role than Garou ever did.

And think of how much more the manga may add to increase his leadership role? Child Emperor may not be the only adult in the room room, but he's certainly the only parent actually looking out for the S-Class as a whole (unlike Tornado or Sweet Mask who view them as second rate.

Child Emperor is the only truly competent Hero leader we've seen so far in the series. A genius scientist, strategist, AND respected leader even by the largely egotistical, lone wolf S-Class. As far at the aliens, he was running through options for attacking the ship since 4 S-Class were handing Melzagard. After that, what..

Tanktop with his bros... nothing more than a gang of jocks?

Blizzard with her B-Class maphia, all suit and no sting? (or her "New Blizzard Bunch" pipedream?)

Death Gatling and his merry band... who he viewed as expendable for his own glory?

Sekingar... tried. A noble effort... but leadership doesn't give an A for effort.

That's why Child Emperor is the protagonist of the Monster Association Raid. He is the only one holding the S-Class together... as a team... as one unit to face the unified might of the monsters. He knows it, all too well (allowing Phoenix Man to use this heavy burden of leadership against him). He sees the big picture of the raid as a whole. >!Thus... it will be his failure with their defeat by Garou. Not because Child Emperor's leadership mattered then... but it should never have gotten that bad. The Monster Association should have been defeated long before that, and Garou dealt with quickly and prematurely. No wonder he leaves the rotting HA and joins the Neo-Heroes.

#III. The Tornado of Terror - The Champion of the Heroes:

"In the Hero Association, there is also someone among the officers who expected very strong monsters that could make the S-Class struggle. Still then reason he was so confident... was...."

"HER.... The S-Class Rank 2 Hero, Tornado of Terror, was participating."

"She is a being nothing in the world could hope to defeat in a frontal attack. Rather than S-Class Rank 1 Blast who does not carelessly stand on the centre stage, she is treated as the Association's final weapon."

What does the Tornado of Terror accomplish?

The "defeat" of Gyoro Gyoro AND Psykos, the mastermind behind the Monster Association

Lifting the monsters base out of the ground in order to force the remaining monsters to fight on the open surface rather than hide/ambush/corner the heroes underground/

The battle against Pykos and Orochi, as the only S-Class hero in the raid capable of facing them alone (Edit 3)

The "defeat" of Black Sperm and ENW, two monsters none of the other heroes could defeat

Facing Garou alone, if briefly, as the only S-Class hero present capable of doing so (Edit 3)

But.... there is a problem with all those actions: it's just Tornado being powerful, isn't it? Does that add any value to her character? No... and yes. No, because we already knew she was the strongest S-Class hero by feats. Yes... because her power puts the entire raid, and even the S-Class in general... in perspective.

Whenever the Hero Association acts, sending in an S-Class hero to eliminate a Demon, worrying about the rise in monster attacks, considering whether or not the unreliable S-Class will actually show up when called... Tornado is there. She alone is the only hero who has made it her duty to save the world, day in and day out.

Blast is completely absent, neither an alien invasion nor a continental explosion threaten humanity enough for him take action.

Metal Knight has given up saving millions from monsters in order to save billions from the Organization.

King refuses to fight publicly, time and time again walking away from monsters and forcing other heroes to pick up his slack.

While the rest of the S-Class are too weak/limited to even consider the idea of trying to save the world on their own.

Of course, it's quite easy to say Garou is a far more developed and world changing character than her. That is correct... but that doesn't make him relevant during most of the Monster Association Raid itself. She was there in the beginning, middle, and end.... because no one else could fulfill her role as the champion upon which all other heroes could follow to victory.

#IV. The Longterm Consequences of Tornado and Child Emperor's roles:

The Monster Association Raid >!was a disaster and an utter humiliation for the Hero Association and the S-Class (despite the fact they achieved both key objectives of rescue and victory)!<. Still, those two hold together both heroes and the Hero Association through her power and his leadership. Something even Amai Mask, for all social power, could never do.

>!But after the raid? Tornado is outcast as a potential disaster by the Hero Association. Child Emperor is disgusted by the corruption and incompetence and leaves of his own accord. Again, even with Amai Mask, the unity of the heroes was doomed to crumble without them, losing Amai was just the ripping the bandage off rotting wound in the Hero Association that was already there.!<

- Without Tornado, the champion of the heroes, her quote >!from Blast!< couldn't be any truer for the Hero Association...

"Don't go expecting someone to come and save you.”

- Without Child Emperor, the leader of the heroes, Phoenix Man's quote about the heroes unity would inevitably come to pass:

"Their unity was broken... it was fragile... it's because their interests and ideals are not one and the same."

#V. Final Notes:

Edit 1: King is too unreliable and unpredictable in spite of his power, unlike Tornado, who fights publicly and directly.

Edit 2: In the webcomic, yes, it is fair to argue Child Emperor and Tornado were not protagonists, as Child Emperor was just one hero among many, and Tornado >!ended up just getting knocked out 3x in a row!<. However, in the manga, their roles are greatly expanded.

Edit 3: Just as with the alien ship, King is too far away from the battle to provide aid. Just because he's the world's strongest man doesn't mean he surpasses Tornado in range and mobility.

[empressaryastark]

all cats are gray: the braavosi identities

Cat of the Canals

She bit her lip. “Could I be Cat?”

           Like most of Arya Stark's assumed identities, the identity of “Cat of the Canals” is one that takes inspiration from Arya Stark's life. Of course, the name is derived from her mother's name, Catelyn. Certainly, this name serves as a connection to the past and as a security blanket of sorts once she's stripped of Needle, her ultimate sentimental treasure and identity symbol.      

           Out of all of Arya's identities, Cat of the Canals identity happens to my favorite of all the ones that she takes on. And there's plenty reasons why. First off, Cat of the Canals is a fun character---she's vibrant, brash, brave, curious, funny, cheerful, full of life, and an adventurer. All of those qualities are ones that can describe Arya Stark, and that's no coincidence. Apart from the back story that she helped create with the help of the Kindly Man, and her placement with Brusco's family on the orders of the Kindly Man, Cat of the Canals is a character entirely of Arya's creation, a character with a name of home and a personality familiar to not only Arya, but to the readers as well.

           This character is also happens to be Arya's favorite identity. Once she is stripped of the identity by the Faceless Men, Arya comes to mourn the loss of Cat of the Canals deeply. The regret and mourning she feels for Cat of the Canals in “The Blind Girl” made me question why she mourns the loss of this identity more than Mercy, Nan, Salty, and Nan? Why is Arya so affected by the loss of her character when Faceless Men would have no such sentimental attachments to the names and faces they assume? For Arya, the loss of Cat of the Canals is a loss of herself, the extension she created of herself in Braavos. Cat of the Canals is Arya Stark in many ways. She's an orphaned Westorsi child living in the streets of the east after the death of her family. Cat of the Canals, at Arya's suggestion, was said to have traveled to Braavos on a ship called Nymeria. Yet, the main difference between Arya and Cat is their social status. Cat is any poor, common orphan whereas Arya is exiled nobility. This difference plays out strikingly in the two chapters where Cat of the Canals appears. Free from her roots to the Stark line, ladyship, and the burdens of Arya's question for what she sees as justice, Cat is as free as Arya could ever possibly have hoped to be in Westeros. In A Game of Thrones, Arya wanted nothing more than to explore, to be the antithesis of what her society would have a young highborn lady to be. Rather than sit and drink tea with Queen Cersei, she insists on exploring Mycah along the Trident much to Sansa's dismay. Arya is eager to see the whole of Westeros from Winterfell to King's Landing. But, this desire for adventure is soon disrupted by tragedy and conflict once Joff comes strolling around with a skin of wine and an itch to prove he was a complete douche to his new girlfriend. From then on, Arya is forced to navigate her desires with her idealism and sense of morality as her journey is consistently met with peril and conflict as the books go on until she ends up in Braavos. Unlike Westeros, Braavos is relatively calm and as Arya says, the Braavosi are, by and large, a friendly people. Free from serious conflict, Arya is able to create the identity she wants that possesses w one of  the things that she wants more than anything, and that's freedom from the pain of Arya Stark's life in order to find herself and explore the world around her.

           Cat, ever curious, becomes a fixture in Braavos. She's known to sailors, prostitutes, actors, playwrights,  fishermen, and thieves alike. Unlike the fearful mouse she was in A Clash of Kings, Arya is a prowling cat. She learns to protect herself with knives, or “claws” as she refers to them in the scene where she saves Sam from the swaggering bravos, and skillfully navigate around the city of Braavos in all of its fog and canals. Through this mastery of her the world inhabited by the lower class Braavosi, Arya becomes quite worldy and more confident as a result of her friendships and acceptance. And friendship and acceptance by a group are of utmost importance to the girl who was so firm on holding on to her ideals of a “pack” as a method of survival that she even attempted to create one with Hot Pie and Gendry. Also, Cat of the Canals comes to know the various lives and secrets of those she meets along her route as a seafood vendor. Arya becomes so ingrained in this world that she's able to act as a spy for the House of Black and White by sharing the various secrets she's learned. Thus, her spy skills improve in addition to her language skills. In the Cat of the Canals chapters, Arya proves to be a very charismatic girl who is once again able to thrive in a totally new climate. Ultimately, Arya expands along with the world around her via this identity. For instance, Arya in A Storm of Swords had no idea what a brothel was when first arriving at the Peach, but Cat of the Canals is on excellent terms with all the whores working in the Happy Port. She also takes an interest in the courtesans of Braavos, noting their gimmicks in fine detail. Also, it is through Cat of the Canals that Arya comes to learn Braavosi, a language that she masters by “Mercy.” In that sense, Arya's bilingualism is a reflection of her character multiplicity. Her ability to speak in different tongues and take on different identities is apart of her growth as an indiviual. Arya is free from the confines of one tongue, of one identity. In fact, GRRM has stated that Arya's story in Braavos would make a fine young adult book in it's own right and he's also said that Arya's time in Braavos is a coming of age story. One can see the elements of a coming of age story in Arya's search for a self through various identities and tongues. These elements in her story are akin to many coming of age stories where the protagonists try on various modes of language, appearances, attitudes, and environments in order to find a solid sense of “self.” Furthermore, the coming of age is clear when her identities come into conflict with the fact that she is, at least in her subconscious, Arya Stark. This conflict is one of Arya's desire to find herself through abandoning her old identity and acknowledging that when winter comes, she'll have to grow and meet her duties as Arya Stark, list included.

           Yet, what I find most intriguing about the Cat of the Canals identity, apart from the fact that she essentially flips off those who make fun of her accent, is that she is the only one of Arya's Braavosi identities that has her face and the one identity that she goes back to again after being forced to abandon. Cat of the Canals is the backbone for all of Arya's Braavosi identities, and ulitmately, character growth in Braavos.

[diwatang-sirena]

Food For Thought: Is it possible that Daenerys' storyline is going to go a similar route to Darth Vader's?

Now before you guys protest, especially the die-hard Dany stans, just hear me out on this. I’m a fan of both Vader and Dany, and as much as I wish that Dany will not turn into an antagonist, let’s not discount the possibility and try to look at her story in a different perspective. Okay? Then keep reading.

If you’re not familiar with Vader’s story in Star Wars (but how tho??), protagonist Anakin Skywalker started out as a poor, innocent slave boy who happened to have a very strong connection with the force. He’s even assumed to be the “Chosen One” from the prophecies that would balance the Dark and the Light sides of the Force. So he ends up training to become a Jedi with the hopes of freeing his slave mother whom he left behind in Tattooine, his home planet.

Eventually Anakin grows up to be a good but slightly arrogant teenager who is manipulated further by Emperor Palpatine (who’s posing as a good guy in the Senate). And because he’s fully aware of his natural talent, he’s even pushed further by the fact that the Jedi Council does not fully acknowledge his merits when he deserves them. One of the key moments in his transition is when he finds his mother murdered, which led him to his first act of madness when he massacred the tribe that stole her away.

But the final straw was when he dreamt that his secret wife, Padme, might possibly die through childbirth. This made him seek even more power to save his wife and unborn child, of which he was unable to do with his mother, and it eventually blinded him from seeing the good that his comrades and loved ones were trying to do to help him. 

At this point, he concluded that by being the most powerful, most fearsome Jedi on earth, he can prevent every terrible fate that could happen to the ones he loved. So he helped the Emperor massacre the whole Jedi Council, including the innocent children, in order to be stronger using the dark side of the Force. And you know the rest, his wife died in childbirth, indirectly because of his actions, and thinking that his mentor and brotherly figure Obi-Wan betrayed him and left him to die, he eventually became reborn as Darth Vader, now completely overwhelmed by hatred. 

And it’s not until the last minute when Luke, his son with Padme, helped bring him back to the Light when Vader chose to protect his son with his life instead of letting Palpatine kill him, ultimately fulfilling his prophecy as the Chosen One.

See the pattern here? Daenerys seems to be following quite a similar path, with her initially being a poor, helpless girl with a very tough upbringing who eventually gained power to protect the common folk. Not only that, but she also has something to do with the “Azor Ahai” Prophecy about the “Prince/Princess that was Promised”, although whether or not this means her, Jon, or their future child is yet to be seen.

Unfortunately, just like Anakin, Daenerys has been shown to have lingered in between the light and dark at times, such as burning her enemies or using fear to bend people to her will when her patience runs out. Of course I won’t deny that some of these actions are considered necessary considering that some of her enemies don’t do well with peace pacts or respectful discussions, most especially when they go through lengths to disrespect her as a woman.

But as much as I love Dany, I can’t deny that some of her actions, regardless of where she came from and how she came to be, are not doing her any favors with the Westerosi. Like Anakin, she has been slowly losing sight of what has been her main goal in the beginning of her pursuit; to save the people who suffered like she did and to find a place to truly call home. Now most of her focus is gaining her right to the Iron Throne, while slowly losing bits of emotion here and there especially when betrayal hits her at one front to another.

That is, until dear honorable Jon Snow came along.

Just like how Anakin and Padme’s forbidden love story ended up changing the Jedi forever, Jon and Dany’s love story seems to be a must in breaking the wheel of the current world, not just in politics, but the fate of the world itself. After all, Melisandre has prophesied that both of them have a very important role to play in the Azor Ahai prophecy in stopping the Night King.

Whether you ship them or not, you can’t deny that these two were bound to have a special connection thanks to their parallel journeys and their secret Targaryen relation. It’s interesting to note that in the beginning, all that Jon ever wanted was to become acknowledged as a Stark, arrogantly thinking that he had it worse than everyone else. Now that he’s constantly given all these burdens and high positions, he’s become more humble and doesn’t enjoy being the leader that people turn to.

Dany, on the other hand, was a meek and afraid little girl, having no idea in the beginning that she was capable of becoming more, no thanks to Viserys’ abuse. But as time went by, she began to grow as her own person and became more and more powerful, which unfortunately led her to become quite arrogant at times. 

While Jon’s been shown to have a harder time killing more and more people out of duty, especially when he began to realize that not everything is in black and white, Dany has been shown to be having an easier time disposing people who defy her, even the ones who used to be on her side. It’s not to say she hasn’t tried doing things the gentler way, but a lot of if not all the peace talks she’s attempted with her adversaries have never really gone smoothly. Not to mention, most of the people she had placed her trust in in the beginning have either betrayed or left her at some point.

To be fair, we can’t have two exact copies of “Jon Snow” in the GOT world. That wouldn’t make much of an interesting story now can it?

With that said, it seems possible that Jon’s role in GOT is quite similar to Luke’s trope as the reluctant hero of the story, the one who saves the whole world by saving their loved one from being completely immersed into the Dark Side.

Of course, we haven’t seen Dany turn completely mad just yet, and I personally hope it would never happen. But the first two episodes of Season 8 has compelled me to imagine the uncomfortable possibility of what it would be like if Daenerys does end up becoming a villain. Her thirst for the crown has been focused on too many times to deny in the first two episodes of the final season, and it seems that not even her love for Jon would let her set aside her quest for the crown completely, at least not yet.

But there’s also a possibility that their future child, if the constant foreshadowing in Season 7 comes to fruition, might also be a strong factor in changing her mindset, just like how Vader’s love for Padme and his children compelled him to eventually turn away from the Dark Side. Most importantly, their child might also have a huge role in stopping the second Long Night from happening, however possible that is, if he/she/they have something to do with the prophecy.

Another interesting possibility that’s been pointed out by some fans is that the only person other than Jon that might stop Dany from her road to Mad Queen status is the woman who currently checks up all the boxes of said status.

Cersei may not have the pure intentions that Dany has, but they do have a common factor of wanting to gain and remain in power no thanks to their past experiences of having their father/brother control most of their lives in the early parts of the series (Tywin with Cersei, and Viserys with Dany). I’d personally wager that Dany is still far from Cersei’s “Mad Queen” level, because at the very least Dany still has a few good and true comrades to help keep her feet on the ground. As Tyrion told Cersei, at least Dany has enough brains and empathy to listen to their advice at times, whereas Cersei would never do so unless it benefits only her.

This Cersei-Dany parallel would be a pretty similar situation with, again, Darth Vader and Luke. Just when Luke battles with his father and was almost on the verge of killing him, he stops when he sees his father’s robotic hand, realizing how similar they actually are and how much the Dark Side has affected Vader in the worst ways, which he himself almost fell into if he didn’t see the truth with his own eyes.

After the Battle of Winterfell is over, and Daenerys sees the remnants of the Night King's power while also coming to terms with Jon’s status as the rightful heir, perhaps Dany might reconsider and reflect on her true purpose in attaining the Seven Kingdoms. True there's also a huge possibility that she'll turn even darker than before, especially if her close comrades die/leave her, leaving her feeling more alone and out of place. But perhaps after seeing Cersei the way she is, with no true friends, no family, and no love left in her except the crown on her head, this might lead Dany to see the hard truth; The Iron Throne isn’t worth her humanity.

With that said, whether or not Dany turns into a true antagonist is yet to be seen. Contrary to some fans' predictions of her dying in the end, I actually believe that she'll survive, but not without huge consequences of course, which is carrying the guilt with her for the rest of her life. For some people, continuing to find the will to live can be much harder than dying a quick death. 

Having her killed off easily as a villain without redemption or in childbirth for me is a very big disservice to those who have watched/read her whole journey since Season 1 and the 1st book. I doubt that George R.R. Martin created Dany only to make her a Cersei 2.0 in the end. It would be the such an injustice for the series to conclude with Dany’s faults completely overshadowing the many good things she has done for the ones without power, especially during her time in Essos.

We have yet to see how low Dany would go to seize power as Vader would, and I’m extremely worried about how much it would affect everyone’s view of her till the very end, especially as a character that was so beloved for the whole 7 seasons, only to have her hated by most without proper redemption at the final season. Yes, as a GOT fan I’m glad that Dany’s being given a wakeup call that her idea of ruling has its flaws and does not suit everybody. But if she is really meant to betray Jon and the rest, I seriously wish that whatever payoff the writers have for Dany will be worth it in the end. Especially when there’re only a handful of episodes left.

And if people really think that Jon would easily leave Dany just like that, then boy, have they not been paying attention to Jon’s character development. Jon has already chosen duty over love several times, with one of those choices leading indirectly to his first love’s death. I highly doubt that Jon would ever leave Dany alone like that, even with all her faults, especially if she’s with child and if they do get married even if out of duty.

Just like how Padme never stopped believing that there is good in Anakin till her dying breath, it’s in Jon’s persona that he would do everything in his power to keep Daenerys from falling completely into the dark and feeling alone. I won’t be surprised if Jon would choose to take the fall for/with Daenerys if she is to be punished for whatever wrongdoing she’s about to do. That’s just the type of guy he is.

With that said, we have no choice but to wait until Episode 3 and 4 to really see where Daenerys’ morality will be going. As with every season, with every new episode that comes out, anything is possible. I still hold onto the hope that the writers know exactly what they’re doing with Daenerys and that it’ll be true to what George R.R. Martin really intended for her, although I’m already a bit wary at how they’re currently handling her responses. If her path is to go the same way as Vader’s like I guessed, I can only hope that they can do enough justice to make her memory worthwhile.

If not... there’s always hope for the books. And fanfiction.

[squandereduniverse]

Sorry for this sort of mini-rant thing in your inbox, I was thinking about the Diamonds as a metaphor for family that doesn´t except you and the wish fulfillment aspect of their redemption and I realized something that I might have had a lot less problems with the show if it weren´t aimed at older children and teens. There´d be different problems, but I don´t think my distaste would be as intense. 1/?

I think you or a different Crit mentioned this before but the recent episodes make it worse. Steven is a kid. He´s 14. But the burden is placed on him to constantly fix the problems of adults. Whether it be talking down the Diamonds or helping Pearl through her grief, it´s always up to him. Of course, he´s the protagonist. He´s supposed to save the day, but it´s seems almost insidious when his problem is a broken family. ´Yes kids, if your family is abusive towards you, you have to fix it.¨ 2/?And the pressure to talk and talk and talk to your abusers until they change should never be placed on a child. Steven´s fictional, but the kids watching this show aren´t. The idea of some kid who´s parents beat them or harm them watching this show and blaming themselves for not trying hard enough to fix things, or who watches Bismuth or hears the lines¨We shouldn´t fight, we´re family¨ and decides to placate to their abusers will instead of fighting. That disturbs and disgusts me Thoughts? 3/3

It’s a reoccurring problem in su that they addressed that he shouldn’t be handling the burden of fixing everything on his own. Amethyst said that Steven should just deal with his own problems and let the adults carry their share. This was just episodes before Diamond Days started, then the crew proceeded to make Steven fix his mother (an adult)’s problem.

Since it’s a kids show, it does make sense for the protagonist to be a kid, because it’s someone who the audience can relate to better. But it’s the execution that doesn’t quite work. He’s not on a team of other kids his age and they all work together to save the world and the burden is shared. He’s a kid where almost everyone is older than him and almost everyone is unloading their problems onto him for him to sort out. The broken family he fixes isn’t even his own. It’s like going from your family to see your biological family, only to find it in shambles and having to shoulder the duty of fixing it while they call you the wrong name and disrespect you.

The season finale is written with the message that it’s not okay to be treated like garbage for who you are, and that no one can make you be someone you’re not. The wish fulfillment comes in the form of standing up to your abusers and making them see it your way. I can kinda feel for it, because I’m not open about being bi, and I don’t even bring up asexuality. It’d be so nice to just make them see it my way. But I know better than to do that. 

But I think the thing to see, is that the ending wasn’t Steven placating them. Steven was giving them no illusion of being Pink. This was him at the end of his rope and demanding respect. He stood up to them, and didn’t back down. It’s kinda like the fantasy of talking circles around your opponent and them being absolutely decimated and being embarrassed from their lack of preparedness into stunned silence and shame and everyone high fiveing you as you pass them because of how ruthless it was.  

But I do agree, there could be kids out there that see this and try it, and bad things will happen to them. There’s no shame in hiding money until you have enough to run away and live with either someone that does support you, or rent a small place with a roommate and never look back. But I think that for most people, it’s probably going to be wistful looks to the screen and wishing how that could be you.

It didn’t tie up as many loose ends as it’d like to claim and it feels like it went back on a promise that Amethyst and the show made to us, but I think as far as messages go, this one wasn’t the worst. It was rushed and probably unrealistic, because I don’t think that any of those characters would’ve caved that fast, but other than that I’d say it was pretty good.

[mothmanismyuncle]

Part of Your World

Hi, your friendly neighbourhood fanfic trash here, delivering you the first chapter of something that I borrowed from a great post I saw on @keithsblackknight !! Check out their blog, and I hope you enjoy.

As a narrator, I know that I should probably start this story out with like, “Once upon a time,” or “In a galaxy, far, far away,” but this story doesn’t take place once upon a time or in a galaxy far, far away. It happened in Brooklyn, last summer. Now don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t make it any less of a faerie tale. There’s demons, and curses, and star-crossed lovers (We’ll get to that bit. Steamy. Good stuff.) but, like, our dashing protagonist takes the Metro to work? What I’m sayin’ is, stick with me, alright?

This whole thing started in an unassuming corner shop, owned by a man and his wife. They sold newspapers, coffee, sandwiches, the usual fare for a corner store. They were open late, and many people would come in and out to get food to soak up the cheap beer they’d drank at the bar down the block. One particular night, the husband was working the til. His wife was upstairs with her feet up, as she was eight months pregnant with their bouncing baby boy. The door chimed and he looked up from his phone. A woman in a red dress and white pumps perused the chip and candy selection lazily. She didn’t look like their usual customers, but who was he to judge? At least she wasn’t ripping open packages in the aisle and going to town before she paid. He looked back down at his phone. The replays from the Giants game kept him rapt for a few minutes until he felt a presence on the other side of the counter.

“Hiya. Is that all for you, Miss?” The woman set down a bottle of water. He picked it up and began ringing it out. 

“And a pack of Marlboro reds, please.” She said, voice sultry. She watched him through her eyelashes and he reached for the cigarettes. He rang them up as well.

“Can I see some I.D.?” He asked, hooking one side of his lips in a grin. She fished the piece of plastic out of her wallet with a coy smile.

“It’s been millennia since I’ve been asked that.” He leaned on the counter and took it between two fingers. 

“Well, I can’t see why that would be the case,” He looked down at it. “Miss Rowena. What brings you to these parts? You don’t look like you’re from around here.”

“That’s because I’m not,” She said bluntly. She took the pack of cigarettes and handed him a twenty. He made change and she opened the pack.

“Sorry, sweetheart, but you can’t smoke in here,” She reached for a lighter anyway and took a long drag. 

“Oh?” She said simply. 

“We can step outside, if you’d like,” He offered, handing her her change. She put it away carefully and tilted her head to the door. He followed her, and she finished her cigarette in relative silence. He’d tried to ask her a few questions, but she’d only smiled at him. 

“Do you know why I’m here, Michael?” He squinted. He didn’t recall giving her his name.

“For the smokes?” He replied, frowning.

“Oh, of course. That, but there’s something else.” She tapped a painted nail on her chin in a caricature of deep thought. “Oh, that’s right. What’s her name, Sarah?” Michael’s heart slammed into overdrive. How did this lady know about Sarah? “I know all about Sarah, Michael. Call me Rowena, call me Hera. I have many names, but none of them matter. What truly matters, Michael,” She got close, and the smoke from her mouth curled around his face. “Is that today is your day of reckoning.”

“Reckoning?” Michael stammered. “I don’t understand.”

“Men like you rarely do.” Rowena, Hera, whatever snapped. “I know all about men like you. You take and take, but nothing will ever be enough. I’m here to punish you, Michael.” She sniffed.

“Wait, wait, there’s gotta be something I can do,” He said, taking a step back. She shook her head.

“It’s too late. The damage has been done.” She smiled. Earlier, Michael would have called it coy, but now it looked downright predatory. “I know that you’d only make yourself into a victim if I’d have cursed you, but your boy is a different tale entirely.” Michael’s eyes flew wide. 

“What did you do to my son?” He demanded.

“Oh, now he considers his family,” She sneered. She dropped the cigarette and ground it out with the heel of her shoe. “Every day that boy lives, every breath he takes will be a reminder to you that you are scum. You did this to him, Michael.” She hissed. 

“Did what? What did you do?” 

“You’ll see. Go upstairs. Your wife needs you.”

Shiro’s head whipped back and the knife that slashed across his face drew rivulets of blood that cascaded over his jaw and down his throat. The fingers tipped with claws that tangled in his hair gave another tug and that dragged a growl from his throat.

“Still have some fight in you, I see,” The Queen sneered. “It’s too late. Your little stunt is over.” She threw him to the ground.

“There will always be more of us, Lilith,” He snarled, but she used her ample powers to lift him against the wall by his throat.

“Then I will kill more of you.” She whispered into his ear. “You, though. You’ll make such a pretty example.” Fear gripped low in Shiro’s stomach. He didn’t fear death. He’d welcome it like an old friend, should he die on the battlefield. Lilith, however, had ways of making one wish they had died instead. An icy feeling gripped him in his core and it spread slowly, agonizingly slowly, through his veins and to his limbs. 

“What’s happening,” He gasped, fighting to move. Lilith’s face broke into a grin. 

“You were one of the most fearsome generals, Takashi.” She said playfully. “Your face would send mortal men into hysterics. It was almost cute.” Shiro was dropped roughly to the floor and he stared in horror at his hands. His claws retracted, and he felt his whole body becoming smaller. Weaker. He reached up to run a hand through his hair to find that his large, curling horns were gone. His mouth felt strange without fangs and Lilith now towered over him. “Try to recruit an army like this, pretty boy.”

“No,” He muttered. “No!” 

“Get out of my sight.” She snapped her fingers, and between heartbeats, Shiro found himself standing in the middle of a bustling street. Neon signs glared at him, brighter than the fires of Hell, and the sounds of cars and music didn’t drown out his screams as he fell to his knees.

“Michael Kogane?” A nurse called into the waiting room. She looked pale, and the clipboard in her hand shook. “You need to come quickly.” He jumped up from his seat and followed her. “There’s been… Some complications.”

“What complications? What happened?”

“There was something… Unexpected.” The nurse didn’t say anything else. They went into the operating room. A doctor stood next to the table his wife lay on. She was impossibly still. The doctor faced away from them but turned as Michael came nearer. In his arms, lie a child. Michael shuddered to think that it was his. The thing was small and its skin was a light shade of purple. It had thick, purple fur on its face and head, and its fingers ended in sharp claws. It opened its eyes to burble at Michael, and they were a sickly yellow.

“It’s unlike any birth defect we’ve ever seen before.” The doctor said quietly.

“Is that… My son?” Michael asked. “What about my wife?”

“There was nothing we could do. She lost too much blood, and insisted that we save him first.” The doctor replied. “She said you had agreed on the name Keith.”

Keith was fifteen years old the first time he’d completely snuck out of his house. He knew he was different. It didn’t take a genius. I mean, he’d seen people on the TV and on the internet, and none of them really looked like him. Hell, his dad didn’t even look like him, but he didn’t really think about it, you know? 

Eighteen now, and burdened with glorious teenage angst, he flopped onto the couch next to his father in the recliner.

“Dad, will you play Call of Duty with me?” Keith asked. His father let out a burp and set down the can he’d been connected to like a lifeline.

“Not now, Keith.” He’d said quietly. “Daddy’s busy.”

“But Dad, I’m bored.” He huffed. “Are there any more shows I can watch?”

“No.” His father had snapped and Keith shrunk back. His dad took a deep breath, pinching his nose and reclaiming his composure. “No, Keith. I’ll go to the video store later.”

“What if I come with you?” Keith said, coming closer to his dad. 

“Absolutely not.” Came the immediate response. “You know you can’t go outside.”

“But dad, come on,” He’d whined. “I want to pick out my own movies. Can we get Netflix? I want to watch something new,”

“And I want to be left in peace and quiet for one night!” His dad snapped again. “We don’t all get what we want.” 

Keith had gone to his room after that. He laid on his bed, staring at the stars stuck to the ceiling. When he was growing up, his dad had told him he was allergic to the outside, whatever that meant. Keith’s nightly excursions to the roof of his apartment complex told him otherwise. He knew to stay out of sight. He knew other people couldn’t see him. He was a freak. He picked at the bed frame with his claws. The grooves he left were not the first, and he knew they wouldn’t be the last. 

He stayed in his room, reading articles on his ancient computer. He loved reading about cryptids and wondered if that’s what he technically was. He snorted at the idea of people making memes about him. 

The red letters on Keith’s alarm clock had ticked around to single digits again before he moved from his bed. His dad was passed out in the recliner, surrounded by more cans. He draped a blanket over him before going into the kitchen to get a bologna sandwich. 

Keith had found that he was naturally a nocturnal being, more comfortable in the dark than in the daylight. He wasn’t sure if that was because of whatever made him look like The Wolfman or if it was due to the fact that his dad had boarded up all the windows. He only saw the sun in brief flashes when his dad entered and exited the house in the daylight. Once, a few years ago now, he’d tried to go to the roof in the daylight. The loose plyboard from his window swung open, the sun had hit his eyes, and he had hissed and slammed it shut. The headache he had for the rest of the day was deemed not worth it, and he didn’t try again. 

The bologna sandwich stuck to the roof of his mouth. The damn bread was stale again and Keith rolled his eyes at it. Maybe he could guilt his dad into ordering pizza the next day. For now, though, he choked down the rest of the sandwich and checked to make sure his dad was out cold. He shook his foot lightly, and he didn’t even snort. Perfect. Keith crept into his room and grabbed his sketchbook and pencils. Most nights, he’d go onto the roof and sketch the skyline. Once he’d sketched a bird that stuck around long enough for him to get a good look at it. Tonight, though, he opened the door and smelled something in the air. Almost like the time the toaster caught on fire with a Pop-Tart in it. Someone moved at the edge of the roof and Keith froze. Was it too late to dart down the stairs?

“Whoa,” the guy breathed. Definitely too late, but he’d try his best anyway. “Hey, kid, wait!” Keith’s feet pounded down the fire escape, but the other guy was a bit quicker. “What do you think you’re doing? You could be seen!”

“What?” Keith squeaked. 

“In here,” The guy put a hand on the back of his head and forced him to duck into the window above his. Keith did as he was directed, but his hands shook and it felt like he was going to upchuck his sandwich. “What the hell are you doing in a place like this? You could be killed! There are eyes everywhere here.”

“What?” Keith said, a little more shrill. The guy stopped. “Who are you?” The guy sighed and tucked the pack of cigarettes back in his pocket. 

“I sometimes forget.” He muttered darkly. “Takashi Shirogane. Ex-General of Hell, at your service,” He said, a wry smirk playing on his lips. Keith’s heart slammed against his ribcage.

“I’m Keith.” He stammered. “Why did you push me into your apartment?” 

“What are you doing around here? You’re a little young to be topside, aren’t you?” Takashi asked, crossing his arms. 

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about,” Keith said flatly. 

“What’re your orders?” Takashi asked, screwing up his face. “Are you spying on me?”

“Dude, I don’t even know who you are. Why are you not freaking out right now?” Keith’s voice broke. Takashi took two quick steps toward him and Keith raised his sketchbook as the most piss-poor shield anyone has ever seen. The sketch of the bird faced Takashi, and he looked at it with a puzzled look on his face. 

“What?” Takashi said, tilting his head at it.

“Listen, man, just let me go. Please don’t call the cops. My dad will freak out and I’ll never get to go to the roof again.” Takashi made a face like he knew all those words, just not in that order.

“What?” He said again.

“Now damn it, that’s what I was asking you!” Keith said, throwing his hands in the air. The anger leeched out of Takashi’s face, curiosity replacing it.

“Either you’re the best spy Hell has ever sent, or you genuinely have no idea who I am.” He murmured. 

“I’ve told you no less than three times that I genuinely have no idea who you are.” Keith replied drily. “Please let me go.”

“Where do you live?” Takashi asked, frowning.

“Like I’d tell a kidnapper that,” Keith snapped. “I’ve seen SVU. I know what happens to kids who get taken away.”

“What?” Takashi said again and Keith snarled.

“You’re the one to jammed me into your window!” Keith’s eyes flashed to the window in question. The still-open window. The still-open window that was no less than five feet from where he was standing. Both men seemed to have the same realization, and before Keith could even act on the impulse, the window slammed shut of seemingly its own accord and a force pushed Keith into a nearby kitchen chair.

“We aren’t done talking,” Takashi growled. Keith nearly shit his pants.

“Oh my god, you’re a fucking wizard,” A bewildered look crossed the other man’s face.

“No?” He responded. Shiro was completely aghast. The kid looked to be old enough to have had his powers for years. Why was he so shocked? “You’re well old enough to have learned how to do that.”

“No?” Keith echoed. “Nobody knows how to do that!” Keith’s voice broke again and he noticed, mournfully, that his claws were destroying his sketchbook. He set the book down gently on the table. 

“You look like a demon, but you’re clearly not one,” Shiro mused. “Where did you come from?”

“I’ve lived in this building all my life,” Keith said, shaking his head. “My dad owns the store downstairs,” 

“Does he, now?” Shit. “That man’s human. I’ve seen him before.”

“Of course he is. And you’re not?” That gave Shiro pause. 

“No. Of course not. And you are?” Keith nodded profusely.

“Yeah. My dad says so, anyway.” Shiro nodded a few times.

“Let’s talk about this, okay? Call me Shiro.”

Keith was finally released an hour or so later, head spinning. The man said that he’d replace the sketchbook that Keith left on the kitchen table. He’d gone to check on his dad (still passed out) and laid back in bed. What the hell had happened? The guy told him some crazy bullshit story about being from literal Hell and being cast out to live as a human, but Keith didn’t quite buy it. It was a bit harder to be a sceptic when he went to brush his teeth in the mirror and he saw his reflection looking back at him. Where else could somebody this ugly come from, if not Hell?

The next night found Shiro in the same place, with Keith quietly clambering up the fire escape. The man was sitting on the edge of the roof with a small green bag next to him.

“You came back,” Shiro called. He sounded genuinely surprised.

“Where else am I going to go?” Keith scoffed. As a rule, he generally stayed away from the edges of the roof to avoid any sightings, but Shiro patted the ledge next to him and Keith found his legs moving of their own accord. 

“I brought you something,” Shiro said, holding out the bag. If Keith didn’t know any better, he’d say that under the scar on his face, he was blushing. Keith peeked into the bag.

“No way,” He breathed. It was a new sketchbook, but also a set of inking pens and a box of Prismacolor alcohol ink pens. “For me?”

“Yeah. You’re really good, Keith. I flipped through the other sketchbook.” Shiro said, slightly embarrassed at how weird that sounded out loud. “I hope you don’t mind,”

“No, it’s fine,” Keith said, opening the pack reverently. “I’d just been using one of my dad’s number two pencils,” He chuckled. “I only saw this kind of stuff on YouTube.”

“YouTube,” Shiro said flatly. Keith raised an eyebrow.

“Please tell me you know what YouTube is.” Shiro laughed.

“Of course I know what YouTube is. I’ve been strictly topside for twenty years. How do you think Bill Gates got so successful? I know the guy who gave him his deal.” Keith’s brain skipped a gear.

“No. Huh-uh.” Keith shook his head a few times. “Not even going there.” Shiro laughed, and for some reason, it made Keith’s face heat up. He quickly changed the subject. “So what do you do, like, as a job? Do you still do demon stuff?” Shiro shook his head and gave a small, dark, chuckle.

“Would you believe I’m a lawyer?” That made Keith roar with laughter.

“No way. And you live here?” He asked. Shiro shrugged.

“This building was one of the only ones that didn’t look into your history if you paid in cash,” Shiro said, taking another drag of his cigarette. Keith nodded as he doodled. “What do you do?”

“Wither away to nothingness. Sit in my room quietly and pretend like I don’t exist.” He muttered. It was only after Shiro was silent for a few moments that he looked up. Shiro was watching him with wide eyes and a slightly open mouth. “It’s a joke. Supposed to be funny?”

“Ha, ha,” Shiro said drily. “Do you really never leave?”

“Look at me. I’d get shot at in the street.” Keith scoffed, suddenly not feeling like drawing anymore.  

“You’re right. I guess without powers it’s hard to blend in.” Shiro said thoughtfully. Keith rolled his eyes.

“You think?” He muttered. Shiro changed the subject. 

It became a nightly ritual. Keith’s dad would drink himself into a coma, Keith would sneak out, and he and Shiro would sit on the roof and talk. Sometimes Shiro would bring him things, like books and movies. Keith would show him videos and other stuff on Shiro’s phone. Keith was becoming enamoured with the thing. His prized possession was his computer, but it was getting up there in age and was starting to bog down. Shiro’s phone was so fast, and Keith played a bunch of games on it every time Shiro let him.

“Do you not have a phone?”

“What?” Keith had asked, blinking. 

“I was just, you know. If you had a phone. We could maybe text?” Keith chuckled.

“The Ex-General of Hell, using emojis?” Keith said drily. Shiro actually did blush that time. “No. My dad never really saw the point. I don’t go anywhere.” 

The mood was darker that night, and Keith had climbed into bed bitter that morning. 

The next day, Shiro was later to the roof than usual. Keith tried to focus on getting the colours of the sky where the sun was setting right, but he was impatient. The sound of someone clambering up the fire escape had him peering over the edge. It was Shiro, and he had a small bag behind his back.

“Okay, so I brought you something,” Shiro said, a grin breaking across his face. He handed the bag over. “You play with mine all the time, and maybe you’ll get less lonely during the day,” Shiro babbled. Keith’s eyes widened as he peeked into the bag.

“No way,” It was a phone! It was the same kind as Shiro’s, but the plastic was red instead of black. “No way.” 

“I put my number in there and stuff,” Shiro said, a hand on the back of his neck. For all his demon bravado, Keith was starting to learn that the guy was really just a dork. 

“I can’t take this from you,” Keith said, shaking his head. “This is gotta be expensive,” Shiro scratched the back of his head.

“Sure, but who else would I spend money on?” He said softly, brow crinkling. “I lost everyone when I Fell. You’re the first actual friend I made since.”

“We’re friends?” Keith asked, tilting his head to the side. “I mean, I’ve made friends on Xbox Live and on the internet, but,”

“Not the same?” Shiro said, grinning.

“No way,” Keith breathed. They both cracked smiles at each other. 

“Well, turn it on! Come on, we’ll play this new game I found.”

[prixmiumarchive]

Goodbye Judas

Or, A Theme I Notice I Love

I have weird Unemployment Restlessness right now, and so I have been piddling at many things such as pointlessly organizing my tumblr things in a behind the scenes way that literally no one cares about. I was trying to find a theme to maybe switch to, then started to work on one myself. Now I’m getting too damn tried to continue for now, but while I was thinking about what feel I wanted for my theme an the fiction I’ve been enjoying most-recently, I was kind of caught on two of my favorite lines from stuff right now. One is from my long-time and probably all-time love, Doctor Who, while the other is from Wonder Woman, the thing I didn’t even expect to like. Then, I was reminded of something else, too.

I have skipped around Doctor Who this year. I still haven’t seen what seemed to be the thematic pin for the season, Extremis. (I got really behind and skipped to TDF, and I’ll catch up later.) But a friend of mine in the roleplaying community pointed ou the quote to me around the time it aired, and it was echoed literally and thematically in The Doctor Falls. The quote that the theme of this season centers around is:

Only in darkness are we revealed. [...] Goodness is not goodness that seeks advantage. Good is good in the final hour, in the deepest pit, without hope, without witness, without reward. Virtue is only virtue in extremis.

Then, my new love, Wonder Woman had Diana learning a hard lesson through experience that, while not the same, complements this very well, in my opinion. Steve Trevor puts it into words when he says:

It’s not about ‘deserve.’ It’s about what you believe.

I say he put it into words, but that doesn’t mean he’s the only one getting the idea. Steve is great and here’s a Mary Sue article chewing over gender equality and Wonder Woman. But the point here is, Diana sort of sees and already knows the lesson she has to learn, in some ways, before she ever enters the world of men. Her character arc has a lot to do with learning how to accept and deal with that lesson. No matter what inspiring genesis of humanity story she believes, that anyone believes, whether it is true or whether it’s not, one can only look to it as one facet of where we are now. Even if we believe that humans were created to be good, to love, and to be just, we must accept that we have taken on many traits that are at odds with that fact.

Diana, in her innocence and optimism, wanted to believe that the negative, horrible traits she was seeing in humanity (and men in particular) were caused by the influence of the God of War. That made things neat, tidy, and gave a particular, singular thing to blame and to destroy in order to save the world. However, she must come to terms with the fact that there is no simple way to put things back the way they once might have been. Hippolyta (I think) warns Diana that men are easily corrupted. No matter what the original, pure potential might have been, the fact is that war and evil have found their way into the hearts of humans. But the hope remains that, at their core, they may have well been created with a better and higher purpose. And that belief, that love should win, even when it doesn’t, is what becomes Diana’s banner in the end.

And while I was sort of meditating on this while trying to figure out the mysteries of HTML and CSS, something I hadn’t even thought about in a while came to mind. If you’re a long-time mutual, you know that in 2015, I got really into Fate/stay night: Unlimited Blade Works. It’s available on Netflix and good, part of a much larger, mind-bogglingly and stupidly complicated thing (universe?) called Type Moon, which consumed me in good ways and bad. In some ways, as a result of fandom experience and prejudice, I kind of quickly left behind the particular installment that hooked me into this network of stories in the first place.

I don’t want to spoil the Big Twists of UBW, in the off-chance a person who hasn’t seen it wants to watch it, since it is my good guess that of the three stories I am referencing in this post, Fate is the least likely most of my followers will have consumed. Because anime, and stuff. But I know some of you have or at least have a functional knowledge of what I’m talking about, so I am just talking about this because it really pricked a little scab, in a good way. In so many stupid, awful ways, 2016 was a trying year for me that made the things I loved feel like burdens, like chores, and like there was no real meaning but distraction behind them. I hate that, and this little moment I’m having has kind of revivified something I lost in the muck. It’s really strange, how good it can feel to just feel like you found a link to fuse past-you to present-you that feels good rather than like a weight of regret and embarrassment. And this is one of those things for me, realizing that 2015 me valued the same lesson that now-me is so enchanted with and trying to take to heart.

I won’t summarize Fate UBW because I’d be here for another thousand words. But I will suffice to say that its male protagonist, Emiya Shirou, is intended by the creator to be a critique of the typical shounen hero, common to anime anime at teenage boys. He experienced a great trauma as a child of which he was the sole survivor, rescued by one of the catalysts of that trauma and raised by him. Being raised by his father-figure-savior, he wants to become just like him because of the joy he saw on this man’s face when he saved him. Shirou, on the surface, seems pretty normal, but he basically was allowed to respond to his trauma by living vicariously, unchecked. He functions as a dutiful, typical exampleo f the above trope in pretty much all ways, prior to his involvement in The Plot as it pertains to him.

He carries a certain self-spun ideology with him into The Plot. If you need a pointer, i will cheekily describe it as The Hunger Games with Mythical Heroes and Witches and Wizards. (They’re called magi in this, so actual fans won’t kill me.) His ideology is that he wants to achieve a world that is fair and just enough that no one will ever need to cry. This brings about a whole heap of trouble of him, both seen and unseen, because he is actually presented as selfless to a fault. For those of you who do know what I am talking about, this is why Unlimited Blade Works feels like the most natural progression to me. In this story, rather than the other two canon-AUs (routes), he actually confronts this and deals with it rather than Option A) Embracing it Fully or Option C) Burn it All Down for My Equally-Needs-Help Girlfriend.

Anyway, in UBW, Shirou’s ultimate confrontation with his ideology is not necessarily what one would think. I don’t speak Japanese, so I cannot be completely sure of the purest import of the line, but when Shirou’s foil is arguing with him about what nonsense all of it is, one subbing ground translated it in a way that I really liked. (And if I’m remembering it correctly, it isn’t the official translation of the line.) He says, in response to the refutation of his ideology:

Just because you are correct doesn’t mean you’re right.

And I just love that, in terms of excessively hedonistic or utilitarian arguments against doing the right thing. Sometimes, even if a person can make a point about why it’s frankly stupid or inefficient to do the right thing, you just do it because it’s kind.

I found a subbed clip of the part I want to quote. If you even think you might watch, don’t watch past 2:00.

For this part to work, to explain what I remembered tonight that makes me feel like there might be some spark of continuity between what has moved me for the past several years, I have to transcribe a conversation. (Again, I’m copying subs, so like, people who understand Japanese forgive me.)

Archer: Hey, that’s Hell you’re walking into. Shirou: This is what you forgot. I admit that at first it was just admiration. But at the heart of it all was a wish. The wish for this hell to be undone. The unfulfilled wish of a man who only wanted to help others, but who lost everything in the end. Archer: Even if that life will be that of a machine? Shirou: Yeah. Even if that life is dripping with hypocrisy. I'll keep striving to be a champion of justice.

And I just love that my mind came back around to this at last. Even if that life is dripping with hypocrisy. That feels like something the Doctor might say. That feels like what Aries tried and failed to shake Diana with. And it just... means a lot to me, as a person, and I hope that I’ll keep learning why and what it means in practice.

By the way, the title of this post is my favorite little line in ‘Last Stardust,’ the song playing in above-linked clip.

[shewastoldtowrite]

Week 8 (9?) - sketch of plot

A story change? Shocker. The other story was just too ambitious, and this idea seemed much better for a 10-12 pager. Just a quick redo of the blog assignments on setting and character so this piece makes sense (no, you don’t have to read it. That’s Luke’s honour):

 In this world, every person is assigned a guardian angel, whose duty it is to follow them until their death. When they do die, they submit the soul of the person to a grim reaper, who can only identify the soul because their guardian angel essentially ‘submits’ them to death. We follow Grim, a grim reaper who was once a guardian angel to a young boy, who he was incredibly attached to. Knowing that the child will suffer a horrendous death, Grim uses his powers to ‘postpone’ his death. This violation of the rules costs him his job, and he is demoted to a grim reaper instead. As a result of his actions, the child also suffers a more horrific end (WOUND). With that burden, Grim carries out his duties determine to never grow attached to a human being ever again, as it will mean that he will also not have to be hurt again (FLAWED BELIEF).

 Set-up

Grim Reaper is waiting at the base of a cliff, waiting for the three souls who need to be collected throughout the night.

Inciting Incident

He collects his first soul, but soon after, an unlisted soul in ghost form – a woman with no memories – also arrives, having committed suicide. Unable to identify her, and therefore unable to reap her soul. They are both incredibly confused and at a loss as to what to do.

Protagonist’s action taken in response to Inciting Incident

Unable to reap her, Grim takes the ghost to the Grim Reaper Association to his supervisors. The only way that a soul can be identified is through their Guardian Angel, one of which is assigned to every person until their death. However, the woman has no sign of a Guardian Angel’s imprint, and therefore cannot be identified. Souls who die early often do so due to a clerical error, and their true timing of death is rarely a long time away. The only solution is to wait for Grim to have a listing that comes up empty – that listing would assumedly be the woman. Once she is identified, her soul can be reaped. As a result, the ghost has to accompany Grim until her listing comes up.

Obstacle #1 encountered in the course of taking action

The ghost is forced to accompany Grim until the time comes for her collection, but is incredibly prone to getting into trouble. Grim initially keeps his distance, or leaves her in one place and comes when his duties are over for the day. However, in a world plagued by demons who feed on uncollected souls, she is a constant target.

Protagonist’s response to Obstacle

After saving her after several near-death (pun unintended) experiences with demons, Grim is left with no choice but to have her with him around the clock. His initial agitation with her eventually fades, and the two begin to form a bond – the first time Grim has ever allowed himself to be vulnerable and care for another being in over a century. He affectionately calls her Bloody Mary (as she has no name and her suicide left her ghost with blood-stained clothes). With her ‘death’ impending, Grim is forced to confront the reality that he will once again be hurt because of his attachment to humans who he will never see again.

Story ending – Reward or Reversal? And why?

Reward – even though her eventual time arrives, Mary leaves Grim with the life lesson that, even though she will move on, he doesn’t have to be hurt. Instead, he can use their good times to keep him going, and accept that if he’s tried his best, it is enough.

In the end, Grim continues with his duties feeling positive, no longer burdened by guilt.

[lifeofaliterarynerd]

We Need Diverse Books: Black History Month Edition                                          *Books by black authors and/or have black protagonists

How It Went Down - Kekla Magoon //  When sixteen-year-old Tariq Johnson dies from two gunshot wounds, his community is thrown into an uproar. Tariq was black. The shooter, Jack Franklin, is white. In the aftermath of Tariq's death, everyone has something to say, but no two accounts of the events line up. Day by day, new twists further obscure the truth. Tariq's friends, family, and community struggle to make sense of the tragedy, and to cope with the hole left behind when a life is cut short. 

X - Ilyasah Shabazz & Kekla Magoon //  Cowritten by Malcolm X’s daughter, this riveting and revealing novel follows the formative years of the man whose words and actions shook the world. X follows Malcolm from his childhood to his imprisonment for theft at age twenty, when he found the faith that would lead him to forge a new path and command a voice that still resonates today.

The Hate U Give - Angie Thomas // Sixteen-year-old Starr lives in two worlds: the poor neighbourhood where she was born and raised and her posh high school in the suburbs. The uneasy balance between them is shattered when Starr is the only witness to the fatal shooting of her unarmed best friend, Khalil, by a police officer. Now what Starr says could destroy her community. It could also get her killed.  

The Women of Brewster Place - Gloria Naylor //  We follow the stories of seven women living in Brewster Place, a bleak inner-city sanctuary, creating a powerful, moving portrait of the strengths, struggles, and hopes of black women in America. Vulnerable and resilient, openhanded and open-hearted, these women forge their lives in a place that in turn threatens and protects—a common prison and a shared home. 

Piecing Me Together - Renée Watson //  Jade believes she must get out of her neighborhood if she’s ever going to succeed. Her mother says she has to take every opportunity. She has. She accepted a scholarship to a mostly-white private school and even Saturday morning test prep opportunities. But some opportunities feel more demeaning than helpful. Like an invitation to join Women to Women, a mentorship program for “at-risk” girls. Except really, it’s for black girls. From “bad” neighborhoods. 

Shadowshaper - Daniel José Older //  Sierra Santiago was looking forward to a fun summer of making art, hanging out with her friends, and skating around Brooklyn. But then a weird zombie guy crashes the first party of the season. Sierra's near-comatose abuelo begins to say "No importa" over and over. And when the graffiti murals in Bed-Stuy start to weep.... Well, something stranger than the usual New York mayhem is going on.

The Rock and The River - Kekla Magoon //  Set in 1968 Chicago, Thirteen -year-old Sam realizes it's not easy being the son of known civil rights activist Roland Childs. Especially when his older (and best friend), Stick, begins to drift away from him for no apparent reason. And then it happens: Sam finds something that changes everything forever. Sam has always had faith in his father, but when he finds literature about the Black Panthers under Stick's bed, he's not sure who to believe: his father or his best friend. Suddenly, nothing feels certain anymore. 

Monster - Walter Dean Myers //    Sixteen-year-old Steve Harmon is on trial for murder. A Harlem drugstore owner was shot and killed in his store, and the word is that Steve served as the lookout. Guilty or innocent, Steve becomes a pawn in the hands of "the system," cluttered with cynical authority figures and unscrupulous inmates, who will turn in anyone to shorten their own sentences. For the first time, Steve is forced to think about who he is as he faces prison, where he may spend all the tomorrows of his life. 

This Side of Home - Renée Watson //  Identical twins Nikki and Maya have been on the same page for everything—friends, school, boys and starting off their adult lives at a historically African-American college. But as their neighborhood goes from rough-and-tumble to up-and-coming, suddenly filled with pretty coffee shops and boutiques, Nikki is thrilled while Maya feels like their home is slipping away. Suddenly, the sisters who had always shared everything must confront their dissenting feelings on the importance of their ethnic and cultural identities and, in the process, learn to separate themselves from the long shadow of their identity as twins. 

Brown Girl Dreaming - Jacqueline Woodson //  Raised in South Carolina and New York, Woodson always felt halfway home in each place. In vivid poems, she shares what it was like to grow up as an African American in the 1960s and 1970s, living with the remnants of Jim Crow and her growing awareness of the Civil Rights movement. Touching and powerful, each poem is both accessible and emotionally charged, each line a glimpse into a child’s soul as she searches for her place in the world.  

Promise of Shadows - Justine Ireland //  Zephyr Mourning has never been very good at being a Harpy. She’d rather watch reality TV than learn forty-seven ways to kill a man, and she pretty much sucks at wielding magic. Zephyr was ready for a future pretending to be a normal human instead of a half-god assassin. But all that changes when her sister is murdered—and she uses a forbidden dark power to save herself from the same fate. 

Fake ID - Lamara Giles //   My name isn’t really Nick Pearson. I shouldn’t tell you where I’m from or why my family moved to Stepton, Virginia. I shouldn’t tell you who I really am, or my hair, eye, and skin color. And I definitely shouldn’t tell you about my friend Eli Cruz and the major conspiracy he was about to uncover when he died—right after I moved to town. About how I had to choose between solving his murder with his hot sister, Reya, and “staying low-key” like the Program has taught me. About how moving to Stepon changed my life forever. But I’m going to 

Endangered - Lamar Giles //  The one secret she cares about keeping—her identity—is about to be exposed. Unless Lauren "Panda" Daniels—an anonymous photoblogger who specializes in busting classmates and teachers in compromising positions—plays along with her blackmailer's little game of Dare or . . . Dare. But when the game turns deadly, Panda doesn't know what to do. And she may need to step out of the shadows to save herself . . . and everyone else on the Admirer's hit list. 

Don’t Fail Me Now - Una LaMarche //  Michelle and Leah only have one thing in common: Buck Devereaux, the biological father who abandoned them when they were little. After news trickles back to them that Buck is dying, they make the uneasy decision to drive across country to his hospice in California. Leah hopes for closure; Michelle just wants to give him a piece of her mind. Five people in a failing, old station wagon, living off free samples at food courts across America, and the most pressing question on Michelle’s mind is: Who will break down first--herself or the car? 

Flygirl - Sherri L Smith //  Ida Mae Jones dreams of flight. Her daddy was a pilot and being black didn't stop him from fulfilling his dreams. But her daddy's gone now, and being a woman, and being black, are two strikes against her. When America enters the war with Germany and Japan, the Army creates the WASP, the Women Airforce Service Pilots - and Ida suddenly sees a way to fly as well as do something significant to help her brother stationed in the Pacific. But even the WASP won't accept her as a black woman, forcing Ida Mae to make a difficult choice of "passing," of pretending to be white to be accepted into the program. Hiding one's racial heritage, denying one's family, denying one's self is a heavy burden. And while Ida Mae chases her dream, she must also decide who it is she really wants to be. 

Mare’s War - Tanita S Davis //  Meet Mare, a World War II veteran and a grandmother like no other. She was once a willful teenager who escaped her less than perfect life in the deep South and lied about her age to join the African American Battalion of the Women's Army Corps. Now she is driving her granddaughters—two willful teenagers in their own rite—on a cross-country road trip. The girls are initially skeptical of Mare's flippy wigs and stilletos, but they soon find themselves entranced by the story she has to tell, and readers will be too. 

Not Otherwise Specified - Hannah Mockowitz //  Etta is tired of dealing with all of the labels and categories that seem so important to everyone else in her small Nebraska hometown. Everywhere she turns, someone feels she's too fringe for the fringe. Not gay enough for the Dykes, her ex-clique, thanks to a recent relationship with a boy; not tiny and white enough for ballet, her first passion; and not sick enough to look anorexic (partially thanks to recovery). Etta doesn’t fit anywhere— until she meets Bianca, the straight, white, Christian, and seriously sick girl in Etta’s therapy group. Both girls are auditioning for Brentwood, a prestigious New York theater academy that is so not Nebraska. Bianca seems like Etta’s salvation, but how can Etta be saved by a girl who needs saving herself? 

Parable of the Sower - Octavia Butler //  When unattended environmental and economic crises lead to social chaos, not even gated communities are safe. In a night of fire and death Lauren Olamina, a minister's young daughter, loses her family and home and ventures out into the unprotected American landscape. But what begins as a flight for survival soon leads to something much more: a startling vision of human destiny... and the birth of a new faith. 

The Sun is Also a Star-Nicola Yoon //  Follow Natasha, a girl who believes in science and facts, as she meets Daniel, a dutiful son and dreamer, as they spend a single day together in New York - and try to stop Natasha’s family from being deported to Jamacia.

Everything, Everything - Nicola Yoon //  My disease is as rare as it is famous. Basically, I’m allergic to the world. I don’t leave my house, have not left my house in seventeen years. The only people I ever see are my mom and my nurse, Carla. But then one day, a moving truck arrives next door. I look out my window, and I see him. His name is Olly. Maybe we can’t predict the future, but we can predict some things. For example, I am certainly going to fall in love with Olly. It’s almost certainly going to be a disaster 

Pointe - Brandy Colbert //  Theo is better now. She's eating again, dating guys who are almost appropriate, and well on her way to becoming an elite ballet dancer. But when her oldest friend, Donovan, returns home after spending four long years with his kidnapper, Theo starts reliving memories about his abduction—and his abductor. Donovan isn't talking about what happened, and even though Theo knows she didn't do anything wrong, telling the truth would put everything she's been living for at risk. But keeping quiet might be worse. 

The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl - Issa Rae //  Being an introvert in a world that glorifies cool isn’t easy. But  Rae covers everything from cybersexing in the early days of the Internet to deflecting unsolicited comments on weight gain, from navigating the perils of eating out alone and public displays of affection to learning to accept yourself—natural hair and all.

Tiny Pretty Things - Dhonielle Clayton & Sona Charaipotra //  Gigi, Bette, and June, three top students at an exclusive Manhattan ballet school, have seen their fair share of drama. Free-spirited new girl Gigi just wants to dance—but the very act might kill her. Privileged New Yorker Bette's desire to escape the shadow of her ballet star sister brings out a dangerous edge in her. And perfectionist June needs to land a lead role this year or her controlling mother will put an end to her dancing dreams forever. When every dancer is both friend and foe, the girls will sacrifice, manipulate, and backstab to be the best of the best. 

Liar-Justine Larbalestier //  Micah will freely admit that she’s a compulsive liar, but that may be the one honest thing she’ll ever tell you. Over the years she’s duped her classmates, her teachers, and even her parents, and she’s always managed to stay one step ahead of her lies. That is, until her boyfriend dies under brutal circumstances and her dishonesty begins to catch up with her. But is it possible to tell the truth when lying comes as naturally as breathing? 

Hidden Figures - Margot Lee Shatterly //  Before John Glenn orbited the earth or Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, a group of dedicated female mathematicians known as “human computers” used pencils, slide rules, and adding machines to calculate the numbers that would launch rockets, and astronauts, into space. This book brings to life the stories of Dorothy Vaughan, Mary Jackson, Katherine Johnson, and Christine Darden, four African-American women who lived through the Civil Rights era, the Space Race, the Cold War, and the movement for gender equality, and whose work forever changed the face of NASA and the country. 

The Color Purple - Alice Walker //  Taking place mostly in rural Georgia, the story focuses on the life of women of color in the southern United States in the 1930s, addressing numerous issues including their exceedingly low position in American social culture. The novel has been the frequent target of censors and appears on the American Library Association list of the 100 Most Frequently Challenged Books of 2000-2009 at number seventeen because of the sometimes explicit content, particularly in terms of violence. 

Sister Citizen- Melissa Harris Perry //  Not a traditional political science work concerned with office-seeking, voting, or ideology, Sister Citizen instead explores how African American women understand themselves as citizens and what they expect from political organizing. Harris-Perry shows that the shared struggle to preserve an authentic self and secure recognition as a citizen links together black women in America, from the anonymous survivors of Hurricane Katrina to the former First Lady of the United States. 

The Blossoming Universe of Violet Diamond - Brenda Woods //  Violet is a smart, funny, brown-eyed, brown-haired girl in a family of blonds. Her mom is white, and her dad, who died before she was born, was black. She attends a mostly white school where she sometimes feels like a brown leaf on a pile of snow. She’s tired of people asking if she’s adopted. Now that Violet’s eleven, she decides it’s time to learn about her African American heritage. And despite getting off to a rocky start trying to reclaim her dad’s side of the family, she can feel her confidence growing as the puzzle pieces of her life finally start coming together. 

The Summer of Chasing Mermaids - Sarah Ockler //  The youngest of six talented sisters, Elyse d'Abreau was destined for stardom - until a boating accident took everything from her. Now, the most beautiful singer in Tobago can't sing. She can't even speak. Seeking quiet solitude, Elyse accepts a friend's invitation to Atargatis Cove. Named for the mythical first mermaid, the Oregon seaside town is everything Elyse's home in the Caribbean isn't: an ocean too cold for swimming, parties too tame for singing, and people too polite to pry - except for one.

Black Boy White School - Brian F Walker  //  Anthony “Ant” Jones has never been outside his rough East Cleveland neighborhood when he’s given a scholarship to Belton Academy, an elite prep school in Maine.But at Belton things are far from perfect. Everyone calls him “Tony,” assumes he’s from Brooklyn, expects him to play basketball, and yet acts shocked when he fights back. As Anthony tries to adapt to a world that will never fully accept him, he’s in for a rude awakening: Home is becoming a place where he no longer belongs.

[sage-nebula]

do you have any thoughts or headcanon on BOTW Link's past? I know his father is a night but I wish the game would tell us about his life growing up and how they knew he was the chosen hero. ( This is my first zelda game so I don't know how they generaly explain things like this)

Hey! So, apologies for the fact that I’ve been sitting on this for a couple days, but I wanted to wait until I finished the Champions’ Ballad DLC just in case there was new information about Link in it.

In regards to your parenthetical: They don’t generally tell you very much about Link’s history in the games, no. The Legend of Zelda series is an action/adventure series, meaning that although most of the games have a story, the emphasis isn’t actually put on the story (and thus isn’t on the characters). Rather, the focus is always on the gameplay, to the point where the developers actually come up with the core concepts they want to explore via gameplay first, and then write a story to incorporate those concepts (rather than crafting gameplay mechanics to suit the story).  We can see this in Breath of the Wild, actually; they wanted to recreate the feel of the very first Legend of Zelda game, particularly with regards to exploration, and they wanted to create a game where the player could do just about anything they wanted, whenever they wanted. This was the very first concept which inspired them to make Breath of the Wild, and so they crafted a narrative which would suit that concept. Thus, the post-apocalyptic Hyrule that we know and now love was born.

So to that end, we have that as our first reason for why Link’s backstory was never focused on very much in previous games. The second reason is that Link is supposed to be a self-insert for the player. When Miyamoto Shigeru first created the character we know as Link, he named him Link because Link was supposed to be “a link between the player and the game”. The reason why Link is a silent protagonist is because the player is supposed to imprint their personality onto him. The reason why he is right-handed in recent games that don’t feature the (supposedly) 1:1 motion controls is because the majority of the world is right-handed. Although Link is always male, his appearance has become increasingly androgynous as time has gone on to make it easier for players to believe they are him. And though his default name is Link, in previous games you were always given the option to name him, with the idea being that you would input your own name into the name entry field. (The only reason why you aren’t given that option in Breath of the Wild is because of the voice acted lines.) The Legend of Zelda is a game series where you’re supposed to imagine yourself as the Hero, so just like we don’t learn anything about MC’s backstory or history in Mystic Messenger, much of what we learn about the various Heroes in The Legend of Zelda games is left open to the imagination, even when it comes to his personality. (This is really shown in Skyward Sword, where you do get dialogue choices, but those choices let you decide what his personality is like.)

So with all of that being said, the information we got was always limited. In A Link to the Past, for example, we learn that Link was descended from a line of knights (again), and that he lives with his uncle, who is a knight. In Ocarina of Time, we learn that Link’s mother was a Hylian woman who, dying from injuries due to the war, fled into the Kokiri Forest with him and entrusted him to the Great Deku Tree when he was an infant. In Wind Waker, we know that Link lives with his grandmother and his little sister, Aryll, on Outset Island, and that he loves them very much. We also learn that he is not descended from the Hero of Time. And once again, that’s all we learn. In Skyward Sword, we learn that he is childhood best friends with Zelda and that Groose is jealous of him, and also that he’s an orphan. And again … that’s it.

With the information being as sparse as it is, the fact that we know so little about Link in Breath of the Wild is unsurprising. All the same, thanks to the dairies especially, I feel that we actually know a bit more about him than we do about previous Heroes.

Canonical information for the Hero of the Wild:

His name is definitively Link, with no room to call him anything different.

He comes from a family of knights.

He is omnivorous, with a huge appetite (and yes, the omnivore bit is hard canon as of Daruk’s training journal, not just implied by what you can eat in game should you so choose it).

He met Mipha when he was four years old, and she was an adolescent; she saw him as an adorable child at the time as a result.

He … bested adult knights in swordplay when he was a four-year-old toddler … I guess.

When he was a toddler, he was energetic, bright, and rambunctious, resulting in him acquiring quite a few bruises but not losing his cheer.

He enjoyed swordplay even as a toddler and was always eager to challenge older knights to duels.

Sometime shortly after they met, Link left Zora’s Domain (since he was only there for a visit with other, adult knights), and didn’t return until over ten years later, when he was ~17. (Note: We know this because Mipha met him when he was four, yet then didn’t see him again until it was time for the Champions to be sought out. Thus, despite the main story making it seem as if they spent their entire childhoods together, Mipha’s diary makes it pretty clear they didn’t.)

When Link returned to Zora’s Domain when he was seventeen (and especially when he saved her from a Lynel), Mipha developed a crush on him.

Link’s friends (Zelda and Daruk) tried to get him to eat strange things (frogs and rocks) with varying levels of success.

Link was assigned to be Zelda’s appointed knight as a result of both being the Hero and the most skilled knight out of the entire force.

Link and Zelda did not get along at first because Zelda thought he was silently judging her for not being able to awaken their power, and was also salty at the idea of having an appointed knight in the first place.

Link started concealing his feelings and keeping his thoughts to himself once he pulled the Master Sword from its pedestal, because he felt the pressure of his role as the Hero and was afraid that revealing his feelings would let others down / disappoint / upset them. Thus, he thought it best to stay quiet.

Mipha asked Link why he was so quiet when he returned to Zora’s Domain as a young adult; he did not confide in her.

Zelda asked Link why he was so quiet when they were eating together one day; he did confide in her.

Revali resented Link for being the one chosen to fight Calamity Ganon, and for being so quiet all the time.

Daruk thought Link was super cool because Link wiped out a bunch of monsters by himself when they first met, and liked to eat a lot.

Link was very good with animals, and in particular he had a gift with horses.

Link sought out Urbosa when Zelda kept ditching him, and Urbosa gave him a tip on how to get into Gerudo Town (i.e. crossdressing). She also told him when Zelda was with her so that he could come seek them out.

The decorations Link can install in his house are places to hang weapons, and the picture of him and the other Champions + Zelda.

Honestly, this is a lot of information—far more than we have had about previous Heroes, even though there’s still so much left to the imagination. So with that said, I do have some headcanons, yeah:

I don’t buy, as you know, that Link, as a toddler, could defeat adult knights in swordplay. Rather, I prefer the explanation you provided that they let him think that he won, to boost his confidence, and bby!Link, not knowing any better, just told everyone that he beat them. However, by the time he got to be around ten or so, he was able to beat them, in part because he never stopped practicing due to the confidence boosts they gave him.

He really likes dogs, in addition to horses.

Both of his parents were knights, not just his father.

Both of them were very accomplished, and people often compared Link to his father. However, his mother was actually the one who took her duty more seriously, in the sense that she was always impressing on Link what an honor it was to be a knight, and what a burden such a duty was to carry, and how important it was to be worhty of the title, and so on and so forth. His father, while skilled, had more chill about it.

On top of impressing on him the weight of the duty of being a knight, his mother is the one who taught him survival skills, such as hunting and foraging for food in the wild, and how to throw something together in a pinch if you were out in the wilderness with no rations.

His father taught him actual recipes one would make in a home.

He forgot both of these things after waking up in the Shrine of Resurrection and had to learn all over again once awaking, RIP.

He always loved music and really wanted to learn how to play an instrument, but swordplay and knight training left him no time to learn. He grew a bit envious of the bard who would later become Kass’ teacher (who in turn was envious of him for being so close to Zelda).

When the Master Sword was discovered, all of the knights were given the task of trying to pull it free from the pedestal to see if they were worthy. Link was among the last (if not the very last) to try due to his young age. When he gripped the hilt, the blade gleamed with a faint blue glow; and when he gave it a tug, it slid free from the pedestal as if it had merely been cased in a sheath instead. The drawing of the Master Sword from the pedestal made it clear beyond doubt that he was the chosen Hero, and Link knew then that the burden he carried was far more than mere knighthood could grant him.

He always felt frustrated with Revali for being such a jerk to him all the time, not because Revali was a jerk, but because he couldn’t figure out why Revali was being a jerk. 

He didn’t actually enjoy eating that rock that Daruk fed him. He just pretended he did so as not to hurt Daruk’s feelings. Think like how Hiccup forced himself to swallow that bit of raw fish in the first How to Train Your Dragon movie to make Toothless happy.

He put in work during his spare time to learn how to braid hair so that he could braid Zelda’s hair as a thank you for the times when she patched up his injuries, or else they just had downtime together.

He did develop feelings for her one hundred years in the past, but felt it wouldn’t be right for him to act on them since he was her appointed knight, and as such he never let them show.

One hundred years ago, he communicated often with the spirit of the Master Sword (Fi); she mostly spoke to him in dreams, but she would “speak” to him in waking times as well, in the form of a little ideas or words popping into his head that he knew, instinctively, were coming from his sword. One hundred years later this never happens, and though he can’t remember that it used to at first, he still feels a strong sense of loneliness that he can’t quite place all the same. (And when he gets the Master Sword back, he does remember, and wonders why she won’t speak to him, and wonders if it’s because he failed her one hundred years ago.)

He didn’t return Mipha’s feelings, but instead saw her as a childhood friend / sisterly figure (albeit it was a bit confusing to him whether he should think of her as an older sister, a sister around the same age as him, or a younger sister; his decision changed all over the place depending on the moment). He didn’t realize that she had feelings for him one hundred years in the past, and when he learns about this one hundred years later, he feels confused and awkward whenever it’s brought up. He really wishes Sidon and King Doraphan would stop bringing it up.

He can be quite snarky, particularly one hundred years later when he no longer has the memory to remember why he repressed himself so much one hundred years ago, and curses the goddesses (Din, Nayru, and Farore) a lot, in varying creative ways.

He hates snow, sand, and he especially hates the rain.

He’s not a fan of lava, either.

I could probably think of more if I had time, but yeah! That’s what I’ve got for now.