#not just rehashing of things ppl loved as kids

[cherrysnax]

remember when u could be nostalgici for a thing and that was it. you could just rewatch/re-read etc it. nowadays it’s all just remakes and reboots n nostalgia bait casting n it’s like. tiring

[tomwambsgans]

that gay brother/little sister post you reblogged was soooo juicy so now i wanna ask your thoughts on gay roman (i’m absolutely a gay roman truther)

so i'm not attached enough to roman to have TOO many pre-formed thoughts on this but i'm gay enough i can't not have thoughts, so. another disclaimer, due to my lack of attachment i'm not whatsoever married to the notion of either kendall or roman (or shiv for that matter) being gay as opposed to bi. however i have eyes and a brain so i know they're all not straight, like that much is basically textual.

but anyway. when it comes to any of the roy siblings and homosexuality, i'll say my very first thought is this monologue from Angels in America. not that they would necessarily have that exact ideology about it, but those notions would greatly inform their attitude about themselves. imo roman, with his inclination toward fascistic masculinity in particular, would be the most likely to overtly think these things, and i do think he kind of does. roman knows that he's unable to get off with normative sex, but he also explicitly derides "liberal butt-love" and implicitly (sometimes explicitly) all the non-conforming and gender-bending stuff that goes along with it. that's at least partially because he's talking about a category of people that he does not belong to, due to being far above it. it's often the case for those who are rich and powerful and condemn the same "deviant" practices that they themselves engage in, whether it's gay sex, or just generally non-normative sex, abortion, etc. it's okay for me, but not for you.

but that's just one piece to roman's puzzle because there's also clearly shame wrt masculinity (logan's masculinity) and also some sexual trauma involved. i think kieran and/or one of the writers has said something about not wanting to pin Why Roman Is Like That on anything in particular, like not wanting to definitively say that something happened to him as a kid, but honestly i think it's extremely unlikely that he'd be like that about sex if nothing did. maybe it was very complicated and it not any singular event, but there's got to be something. some sexual depth to his childhood abuse that never got explicitly touched on. other people much more invested in roman than i have done really good meta on the roys' relationships to their bodies (like w the Summer of Competetive Eating Disorders), so i'm not gonna try to rehash those other ppl's thoughts, but in short that's the sort of thing i think of when i'm trying to imagine what the fuck happened to roman. like just over-arching themes of The Boot throughout roman's life, the lack of ownership over his own body in a way that reflects femininity and strips him of manhood, whether at home or at military school, etc.

i mean, we (as in the audience) are definitely at least supposed to wonder, like when it's implied that Mo's pederasty wasn't exclusive to girls (Don't Get In The Pool With Him), but also, if anything of that nature happened to him and informed roman's relationship with his sexuality, i have to also think that roman doesn't actually remember. his whole thing in austerlitz where he jokes to connor "i'm gonna tell them you diddled me" gives me the sense that maybe roman just kind of wishes it was that cut-and-dry, because then he'd have something specific to blame his whole deal on.

anyway. this is about roman being gay, not specifically sexually Weird - i just think the context of all that is relevant to how he'd conceptualize himself and any gay feelings he has. and i do think that if and when roman has ever had sex with men, he probably does lump it in with the fact that he can't have Normal sex. i think roman would have to undergo a lot of character development to ever consider it normal sex. honestly, simply recieving a handjob from his personal trainer was likely "wrong" enough for roman to get off despite how the average gay man would see it as extremely vanilla compared to roman needing to be degraded or fantasizing about necrophilia. growing up with logan "i didn't figure you for a faggot" roy would have, of course, really reinforced the ideas about that being Wrong.

(speaking of logan dropping the f slur, i think it's interesting that despite how roman acts anti-woke in front of others, he's shocked when logan says it. it's clearly crossing a line even for him, almost certainly because he's been abused with this word throughout his life. :'/)

so yeah i don't think roman would ever call himself gay (or even bi or queer) even if he is. and as for the matter of if he is, like as in, if tabitha and gerri are exceptions... i honestly don't know, but i don't think roman knows either. i think the relationship he has with love and sex, his own body and others, the very concept of desire and the love and affection and closeness he seeks out... are genuinely so gnarled and complicated, and wrapped up in all the aforementioned shame and abuse, that figuring out where gender factors into it would - once again - basically require years of therapy on his part.

it's definitely very plausible to me that kinky, non-normative sex is something he only needs in order to get off with women because he has no innate desire for them even when he loves them (and roman definitely has a lot of love inside of him that he will bend over backwards to give and recieve). but it's just as plausible that roman's association of feelings of wrongness with sexual pleasure is in fact unrelated to whatever gendered desire he has or doesn't have. his attraction to men is, funnily enough, more undeniable to me than his attraction to women is, but i do think that how it's portrayed in the show emphasizes roman's role in the world more than desire he holds inside of him. i always think of that one tweet that's like "whenever there's a guy that needs to be seduced, instead of shiv or some other hot woman they send roman." and his role as the Desired One (aka Practically A Woman) is likely a sort of spite factor in him wanting to deny overt homosexual interest too, since it's kind of imposed on him before he has a chance to say anything about who he is.

it's funny bc roman is the one male character where like... i simultaneously like the idea of them being gay and enjoy their relationships with women. he's just so complicated that he kind of exists outside the constructions of sexual orientation? like not in the "he's closeted and he's never coming out so even if he's gay, he's also not" way, but "this guy would not be able to figure out how to define attraction or desire to begin with." gerri being the love of his life and the notion of him being gay are not whatsoever mutually exclusive in my mind, because he's just that complicated.

finally i wanna say, again, that i'm not extremely attached to roman. nowhere near to the degree that i care about tom and greg. which i say because yknow.. i want to kill and maim when i see anything implying that either tom or greg are anything but gay. idk how you feel about it but i'd totally sympathize if you were the same about roman, lol. and i wanna emphasize that it's very likely the only reason i'm not necessarily a gay roman truther is because i haven't thought about it enough. i'd love to see anyone else's gay roman meta if they have it.

[i-thrive-off-of-my-kind]

Okay so the movie element is or has been pushing Clod, the classical straight young guy who’s crushing on an adult woman or just some girl who’s multiple years older than themselves. And this is a common trope, like growing up it was such a common thing for me(a 2010’s kid) to grow up seeing. For multiple reasons,1. Straight people do in fact indoctrinate kids so they feel like being straight is the only normal thing to be( or only thing you can be, so now that children shows have queer representation adults are quite upset) 2. This is another form of, you might have guessed it toxic masculinity, yes, yes I know “how?” You must be thinking and I’m here to tell you that, this is just another way to say that men cannot express their emotions properly(or should express it to kids their age or their parents or well I think you get it). 3.The movie elemental is probably some nostalgia rehash that adult can recognize familiar ideas from while kids can get a new movie experience. However if Clod isn’t some big part of the movie and the people they are trying to excite with their TikTok ads are going to the movie for nothing. But props to them for promoting a healthy relationship with fire boy and water girl but a gender swap au, because from the ads im seeing with just them is cute and nice they do seem to like(or love) each other a lot.

Anyway thanks for reading my rants:D

So in my earlier way that i wrote this it mentioned that (conservative) straight ppl say that gay ppl are indoctrinating kids when through history AND MEDIA representation they’ve been the one “indoctrinating “

Also i saw someone say that water boy is white and fire girl and her family is basically ment to represent Asian immigrants. And I haven’t watch the movie but some have said it is a very good racism allegory so i mean props to them and i really just think that they should show more of that in their trailers instead of the classic character of Clod.

[cutemeat]

you are so fucking correct for your interpretation of the orgy dream and reading it was not only cathartic and validating but also enlightening. the themes of dennis being the glue of the gang carry on throughout the entire show so this reading makes a lot of sense, not to mention charlie’s unavailability is a rly underrated part of his character when ppl talk abt him imo (or maybe i’m just an aro charlie truther </3). i love unreliable narrators and getting more insight into the other characters/relationships from a one-sided pov, and we rarely get such an explicitly isolated perspective. and not to rehash old topics, but i think you handle fucked up subjects (particularly the family aspect of this) really well. it’s hard to ignore bc of how intrinsic they are (for lack of a better word) to understand these characters, but it’s hard to talk abt when ppl don’t want to discuss those topics for actual analysis reasons. the way dennis reacted to dee showing up did not come off as a freudian slip at all to me, i enjoy your interpretation of his feelings of entanglement in the gang so much more. so thank you as always for sharing your thoughts, it’s a relief hearing abt these things in a way that feels respectful to the characters

Danny I'm SO glad you also feel the same way about charlie's unavailability!! it does feel like such a major aspect of his character that often goes overlooked, i don't think it's just a matter of u being an aro charlie truther cuz i rlly do see that super clearly in his writing! even if rcg dont kno what the term aro means or used it to describe charlie, i think that's basically what they were aiming for. he is written to be a pretty romance-averse character for sure!!

It doesn't seem like Charlie rlly has any desire to be in a long-term romantic relationship with anyone. But the thing is that doesn't mean he is not an interesting and substantial character cuz he cannot be paired up with anyone. N that's why he's worked best within Sunny's framework... over time ppl wind up annoyed w all the other characters cuz they have Foresaken the Formula of not making the show all about love n relationships-- which is one of the whole metaphors of s15 and esp in the finale!

Charlie seems to really enjoy the chase and the reward aspects (i.e. stalking the waitress, getting the idea in s6 from Dee to berate someone n break them down repeatedly so they sleep with you, eventually getting to do just that and then get her in bed after all that time before subsequently ghosting her when she wanted to get serious afterward) ... like he is really the only one who has successfully "D.E.N.N.I.S."d a woman lol... cuz he truly enjoys the 'conquest' more than the love. but he really doesn't like the commitment in the long-term. Even aside from DDL, he has shown this pattern of behavior long before that.

Like I said... I really don't think Charlie wants to be in a relationship with anyone. But also why would he?? He's never had an example in his life of how a committed romantic relationship in itself could be fulfilling. And the love he did have growing up from his mother was smothering, or he was made uncomfortable and violated by people like his Uncle Jack. He does not have a great track record with this shit seemingly until having met Mac?? And in the end.. Charlie n Mac become less compatible over time as adults than they were as kids, cuz as they grow up-- Mac has that desire to 'settle down' n have a romantic relationship with someone, whereas Charlie still doesn't n hates that Mac is seemingly "betraying" him by pursuing that kind of connection w someone instead of their constant n typical ways of scheming. It's just like where Frank was at when we met him in s2. (I sense Sunny taking the Gruesome Twosome in a direction where Charlie will reach a point like where Frank was at in s2 ep1 where he needed a change ... but instead of getting a sort of 'route to somewhat-redemption' like Frank, he gets one that takes him down a worse path) I mean, after a certain point you do begin to wonder why someone like Frank would enjoy Charlie's company in the first place lololol.. N that is made even more apparent as soon as Mac comes out, the way Charlie's demeanor towards him turns more and more sardonic. But again that's what makes it compelling in the first place, cuz it's actually pretty honest and accurate. It's a very realistic depiction considering this group of people they're working with.

I grew up around a side of my family that had a very similar type of dysfunctional dynamic that had this core of fear that revolved around trying to gain the approval of one person who was 'at the top of the pyramid' so to speak.. n how that could manifest on different levels so all this shit is super interesting to me n I'm rlly flattered that u thought my reading was a sound explanation for their behavior!!

Cuz sometimes it rlly does feel like all I'm doing is projecting rather than being able to just take from those experiences n use them as a point of reference to make some sense of this group of fictional assholes' behavior, so it's reassuring n honestly rlly rewarding anytime someone else gains something from my reading of the gang. <3

Like that evidence of Charlie being turned off by the thought of being engaged in a romantic relationship is so present so again I also don't understand how it constantly gets ignored?? Charlie gets extremely stressed out by dealing with other people's feelings and emotions, which is basically the foundation of relationships .. the ability to express those things and not feeling shut off or being shamed for doing that! So tbh it feels sort of disingenuous for me to pretend like Charlie would be this overly tender and caring lover or whatever lol. Cuz that doesn't mean he is not still an interesting and entertaining character?? Charlie doesn't need to be a viable love interest to be interesting.

I mean.. He created one of the most fan-beloved episodes of all time by being calculating n manipulative about a relationship. He wrote the entirety of The Nightman Cometh just so he could try to paint himself as this ultimate tragic figure with a traumatizing childhood who Waitress should just accept... Like yeah, yeah, he's a piece of shit but be with the poor guy anyway cuz 'oh look his life was just Really hard so can't you show him a little sympathy??' n had to put her in a situation where he thought she might just feel pressured enough into accepting his proposal in front of a huge crowd... Like... He is a piece of shit but that's what this show is about and it has created some of the most iconic episodes n storylines within it so that doesn't discredit Charlie as being a good character for this show LOL.

Cuz the other thing that I like is.. Charlie is not the "bad guy" for not having romantic feelings for anyone... He's the "bad guy" cuz he chooses to be an asshole repeatedly, but it has nothing to do w any of that low empathy/lack of desire to have romantic relationships. cuz Mac n Dennis are two very sensitive/emotional ppl at their cores and both are capable of having a romantic, loving relationship n yet that doesn't inherently make them better people. They are still huge assholes like Charlie is in their own ways, and end up deciding to just be bad people... Together. How romantic. LMAO...

and i lov how throughout the narrative, Dennis has consistently made a series of bad decisions that have only contributed to Charlie feeling worse and more alienated from people all bc Dennis can't stop projecting his own emotional experiences onto Charlie (tho tbh i'd say all of the gang does this... as they all are def more emotional than Charlie on a pretty consistent basis). Dennis refuses to see the world through Charlie's own individual pov which prevents him from being able to analyze Charlie's behavior in any meaningful or substantial way or in a way that could've maybe genuinely helped him in time. (i.e. just sending Charlie off with another rat stick to keep bashing rats in King of the Rats instead of trying to help Charlie in any way that stopped him from doing the type of labor that was clearly creating this very serious issue in Charlie's psyche n was making him become more n more detached emotionally all cuz the gang didn't wanna be the ones who do the Charlie Work..)

Like it's all a very simple theme at its core! But it's presented in very realistic ways even thru these very fucked up and over-the-top, satirical characters n thats so interestingggg

[deripmaver]

y’all read that tor.com article right??? the one that was just another “yaoi/omegaverse/whatever is just putting mlm couples into cishet roles”??? this one here. well maybe not but im bored and its annoying me so im gonna make a long post on it

nice ratio did ur MOM pick it out for u??? jk ok

the biggest flaw in this article is, imo, assuming that this is a new, untapped topic of discussion, and not a debate that’s existed since time immemorial - or at least as long as fandom has been a thing. every point the author brings up has been hashed out and rehashed to absolute death, and it brings absolutely nothing new to the table beyond the same bland platitudes and critiques i’ve heard dozens of times. 

this article doesn’t even bring up the boogeyman of the “cishet white girl fetishizing mlm” it’s about queer people writing fanfic, which imo makes it all the more egregious. 

how?????????????? is this not queer???????????????? a lot of this makes me think of the discussion about how gay marriage was less important than other forms of queer liberation bc it just allowed queer folks to assimilate into a cisheteronormative lifestyle. 

the article then goes into how people change the physical attributes of the two men to have them better fit into a “male” and “female” esque role. i think the above sentence was meant more as a lead in to how the two men will be shoehorned into roles based on their physical attributes, which is them being shoehorned into a male/female dynamic, but still. two men In Love is very much queer. actually, lol, tangent but there’s this song “two men in love” that latvian figure skater deniss vasiljevs skated to as an exhibition, and tv channels kept censoring its name, so....

as folks will point out, the Large Top/Small Bottom dynamic is one that actually does exist among some irl queer men. i’m very firmly of the opinion that the only thing queer folks can do to to express cishet norms is by actively working to undermine queer rights and gay lib, anything else a queer couple does is outside cishet norms by virtue of the couple being queer. a queer couple wants a white picket fence suburban life and 2.5 kids??? still queer.

there are two points about this: changing the physical characteristics of two male characters to get them to fit into a large/small top/bottom dynamic is annoying. it’s bad characterization. i still am not 100% sure i’d say it’s forcing mlm couples into cishet norms, bc of what i mentioned earlier. 

i also don’t know if this is something i’ve seen much of recently? maybe i’m just more discerning in what fanfic i choose to read now, and i’m much more likely to go based on recs and not just pick a fanfic and start reading it. the “yaoi hands” debate was old by the time i got online (just about 20 years ago now lmao). 

i think that omegaverse existed to codify a lot of the trashy fandom tropes that existed prior to its inception into one universe. mpreg, self lubricating buttholes (lol), sex pollen, found family/pack dynamics... it started out as a dubcon-y porn trope. idk also queer people wanting babies isn’t cis heteronormative.

not the first person to point this out but this is a significant double standard. why is this an example of positive queer representation but alpha/omega with men is imposing cishet norms on queer relationships? is it just that m/m is more represented in fanfiction while f/f is still relatively rare?  

ok lol i got bored part way through that’s enough of that

i think discussions of representation, as well as just changing attitudes, have meant people try hard to avoid tropes like making all the women screaming banshees, or shoehorning male characters into top/bottom roles, or having the relationship start out.... kind of rapey lol. but individual queer people writing fanfic arent corporations, queer ppl don’t exist to perform activism 24/7, and queer people by definition cannot be cishet

ok thats it

[despiteherself]

King Julien?

THIS IS SO LONG RIP

King Julien my beloved…….

Also sorry this took me so long omgggg

* favorite thing about them

everything <3

okay, so this comes as no surprise to literally anyone who’s heard me talk about kj but his big heart. i absolutely adore that so much of his story is about how his big heart fumbling around saves the day, even when the story is about his own hubris. Whether it was intentional or not ahkj ended up being a powerful story about a kind-hearted party animal with an inherited legacy of violence and mistreatment heal from his own trauma with the love for his people. yes! it was messy and it is a kids show so it had a lot of continuity issues and like…. toilet humour, but underneath it was so tender. kj’s story of wanting to be king for perks, to feeling like he didn’t deserve to be the one true king but managing to unite the entirety of the kingdoms Madagascar under his love as a symbol was so…….. kj’s big heart saves the day <3

even in the movies, where he is classist and bigheaded he still manages to do it? melman is brave because of kj’s empathy for a talking head, and the circus goes back to the Central Park zoo to help the zoosters bc of kj’s love. his line about “it doesn’t matter what you smell like, or what i smell like, it matters what we smell like together.” is what prompts everyone to forgive the lies.

* least favorite thing about them

nothing he’s perfect <3

I don’t know how to feel about season 5 after exiled. I know it must have been hard trying to tie everything up, going back to the joke based continuity and toilet humour after the emotional sucker punch of exiled. it just. feels like it rehashes old plots but makes them more complex and I think if it hadn’t been after exiled I wouldn’t feel so…. Unsure. kj in this, starts off desperately trying to prove himself as king (again) for good reason, but then seems to lose himself in petty ways he out grow and serious things reveled through jokes get left behind to make more jokes and it just feels…… kj grew into being a good leader and i wish it wasn’t forgotten again. This isn’t rlly about him, more the writing, and the plot problem - episodic vs long form story telling is a hard one, but it’s what I dislike. Let kj have growth bc he was given some and it’s hard to see it’s gone when we know it’s possible.

* favorite line

Oh this is hard :/

I like whenever he does his little pep talks. Or when he says he loves his kingdom. Those are fun & nonsensical and yet, an encapsulation of why he’s such a good ruler. he does understand his people, in a way the juliens before him didn’t, because he was never supposed to be one of them, and left to his own devices with his big sensitive heart made a connection that would outlast even the cruelest of julien kings. julien wants to be loved so badly, and he makes a mess of it, but he holds together the cracks of the lemurs before him, hurt by others the way he was and together they build something worthwhile.

“think of it as me sandwich, stuffed with me.

Pretty good right?” Bc that’s one of the funniest scenes

* brOTP

royal quartet <3

kj and literally everyone. i love him being friends and loving towards just about everyone

* OTP

hmmmmmmmmm

kj x his kingdom as a wholistic statement <3 i think married to his kingdom is what’s most satisfying for me. Kj who makes the specific choice to focus on his kingdom instead of personal goals - and despite loving children so much, making the specific choice to end the julien line (it’s reign of terror) with him. Ahhhhhhhh that would be so satisfying narratively.

also, not to bring this up again but i do think it would be beneficial to both their characters of like kj and ted had a idk passionate summer fling and are now each other’s wingmen post divorce. i say again but i barely think I’ve hinted at it so you know, whatever. i just think their dynamic is SO interesting, and the one scene in exiled where Ted saves everyone is just……. ah, perfect. I wish we got a deeper exploration of Ted & Dorothy, and Ted & his rejection by julien at lemur school & losing prom king & his obsessed with being needed/wanted.

I have no issues with any of the pairings that happened lmao, but obv most of them are exes and i think they’re fun that way. Karen, rob, crimson, karl probably, idk, i guess skipper? i don’t think they date bc skipper is homophobic <3

* nOTP

There’s just way too much family symbolism & literally having clover and Maurice ACTUALLY taking his parents place for me to be anything but squicked by kj/either of them/both of them. no shade to anyone who does, but it just makes me feel :////// I also just love their dynamic as friends, and whilst exploring toxicity in relationships can be interesting, i rlly think that if the three of them became more dependent on each other it would just stunt them all. they do better as a unit in relation to everyone in the kingdom.

I didn’t include mort in the family part even tho he pretends to be kj’s son once but he’s included in that. people who say royal trio over royal quartet break my heart, mort is equally important in this dynamic and also. notp thanks

aslo don’t care for pancho :/ sorry pancho lovers <3 it’s just i don’t think he’s half as important as anyone makes him out to be and i don’t think he and kj rlly have that much chemistry, especially not compared to like his interactions with pretty much every single adult lemur. it’s whatever! ppl have fun with it, i just personally don’t see why you’d pick it over literally any of the other side but main-ish characters. i actually think, if anything, kj is more dismissive towards pancho than a lot of characters, especially considering he’s so flirty. and no amount of the Manchurian candidate can make up for that, especially when it was about family again.

ok now that I’ve alienated like 98% of the ahkj fandom it’s okay it’s not like super notp it’s just i don’t care for it <3

* random headcanon

kj starts watching todd’s unboxing videos one day when he’s relaxing, after he’s calmed down about the captain booty butt toy being stolen, like 3am channel surfing and like gets rlly into the concept bc like surprise toys out of box is peak adhd excitement. he wants to start his own channel and in his excitement gets everyone to watch his stuff which doesn’t have the care or knowledge (bc the excitement for kj is the surprise - can relate) that Todd’s has and Todd’s show gets canceled. he’s obv pretty sad bc that was Todd’s only hobby outside of doing what his mum makes him do & he gets rlly upset. eventually, somehow, kj stumbles upon Todd being sad and they have a convo and kj realises that he stole Todd’s hobby & that actually, the hovering, full attention of Tammy is suffocating and not something kj should long for. I rlly want Todd & kj to have an end to their “rivalry”. They make up, kj retires his unboxing channel and promos Todd’s, Todd gets to hang out in the plane as a friend to get away from his family for a while, kj learns the value of space.

* unpopular opinion

again… are there unpopular kj opinions???

i just think he should have had the proper number of rings on his tail. when i look at it I’m like, sir please give him the correct number it hurts me to see like 7 of each colour and i think it ends in a white tip which >:/ which is a silly thing to find annoying

[vanyaliful]

what are u mad abt in the mandolorian finale? u mentioned it in the tags

having slept on it doesn't mean i can manage to make it more articulate in english im sorry lmao also ppl in the fandom have talked about this probably way more clearly than i will, but ill give it a try

- the more and more the season went on, the less din felt like a main character, and it was ever more obvious in the finale. i felt like stuff happened to him, instead of him actually deciding to act. it felt less and less about Din’s story and more and more about everyone else’s mess. and as emotional as the last scene was, between the dark saber drama, moff's and bo's bitching, luke's dramatic entrance, beepoop im R2 the funny robot, i felt like din and grogu were a sideplot.

- maybe it has to do w/ how we consume media on tumblr but i feel like they hyped us for that baby yoda and din reunion and the payoff was meh. i would have LOVED to see din on a rampage in the ship like he did in The Prisoner. i feel like the way they approached the rescue was very subdued compared to the big menacing message din sent just before. where's the crazy feral dad ready to do anything to save his kid??? also there wasn't a real reunion scene (was din worried about the baby, his well being, what they did to him??? could you tell about the scene he got him back?? i couldn't), and while i enjoyed the duel between moff and din a lot, i think it could've been longer and higher stakes than it was

- and now the Luke Problem:  relying to much on canon and nostalgia. what made the appeal of the mandalorian to me is that it was different from the shitshow of the sequels, that we got to explore unknown corners  of this galaxy, away from the skywalkers' story, that it was about this lonely dude (that knows nothing about what happened in the galaxy btw and that says a lot) and his kid. the writing was innovative in terms that it was unexpected and fresh, that it didn't feel like rehashing the same story and characters over and over. bringing back the main character of the film series did exactly the opposite, and i feel like they're going in a direction thats tying back the big events, and losing the identity of the show and what made it so popular. 

also the sheer number of cameos this season definitely contributed to the feeling of din being send to the background, and luke's arrival, in all it's theatricality, was the cherry on top. i mean the climax of the episode should have been about grogu and din but instead i feel the spotlight was kinda. all over the place.

- the helmet/armor/creed problem. the fact is, since the beginning of the show they've built on this, that the helmet should never come off or else he could never put it back on. events in s2 surely made din question this, especially after the scene in the imperial base. but we never actually got to see the evolution of his mindset about his creed regarding his attachement to the kid. like it didn't seem to me like he suddenly had a big reveal that his life rule was wrong and that he should forsaken his creed?? at all??? the two times he had to break it before the finale was against his will, in frankly traumatic moments and it wouldn't have made sense to him after those to go "oh yeah i removed it twice so i guess it doesn't matter anymore" no!! to me the logical thought was "he had to remove his helmet bc he put himself in dire circumstances for this kid, which means he can finally recognize him as family, which means he can be vulnerable in front of him" not a full room of people + his worst enemy + a complete stranger!!! what i mean is that it would have made more sense to me that he reveals himself to the kid  in a more intimate scene, away from everyone, as a real act of "i care about YOU so i can show YOU my face". what i mean is that i don't see the point of din revealing his face to everyone when it should have been about revealing his face to grogu bc he cares about grogu specifically. it's what the narration pointed towards this whole time.

- maybe a bit mad abt the cgi. in my wildest dreams i didn't even imagine they would bring luke back, bc this technology wasn't really a success in rogue one and i really did not want to see it again; but maybe im just picky

as i said im always happy to see luke, that mark got to play him again. his entrance  was rly cool, i got goosebumps. im not mad that luke took the baby, grogu chose to go with him, narratively it made sense and star wars is about letting go of things for the better (not that it doesn't break my heart). but all of this... just felt off to me.

i guess it all hinges on what they'll do with din in the next season. will we know more of what he thought of breaking his creed, how will he approach the whole mandalore mess, and how he'll grieve his lost kid/get him back

[undyingsunshine]

Thanks @cross-d-a and @jockvillagersonly for the tag!!! 💙💙

Name: undyingsunshine

I've been on the internet for a whole 10-12 years, and I've had quite a few name changes xD The most recent change was 2017, and it wasn't until I made this tumblr and my new AO3 a few months ago that I realised how difficult it is to choose a user/name that I connected with. I wanted to keep my DMBJ fandom posting and the rest of my online shenanigans relatively separate, which is why I didn't just use my default name ^^ As for what this username means/comes from... It was actually kind of a reference to the film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I was going to go with "EternalSunshine" but I felt like undying sounded better, and also felt more like its own thing. ^^ Undying could also be seen as a reference to ZQL's immortality xD Sunshine is such a lovely word and I most often use it in reference to my two NCT biases, as well as most other things that make me happy. It's so warm and bright and basically everything I wish to be! ((oh and also... may or may not remind me of Funshine Bear from Care Bears))

Fandom

I've been in too many to count! Right now, we're in DMBJ hell and I'm loving it so far!!! Everyone's just...so sweet? and kind? and funny???? Honestly I was really worried about interacting with people at first, but now I feel a bit more comfortable in doing so!

Tropes

I'm not actually sure what tropes I like xD I mostly just read something if I like the premise or if it's from a writer I like! That being said, I tend to be drawn to (soft) whump/hurt/comfort or sickfics cause they're just too cute ;^; And they can really bring out a lot of character moments, or demonstrate good relationships between characters. If your story has whump/hurt/comfort and a fandom I like, chances are that I'll try it out! This is also the kind of fic that I write the most. If you want 10 relatively similar sickfics written, I'm the girl to ask XD

Fic I spent most time on

Technically I have a fic for another fandom that I worked on for around two years that I never actually finished ^^;  I dropped it in the middle of a total rewrite, and I hope some day I can go back to it and finish it for the sake of the readers xD

For DMBJ, the fic I've spent most time on is probably 'I'm Here' since I've been working on it for... months xD I am an extremely slow writer and I'm trying not to be sorry about it bcs everyone had their own pace, and it just so happens that mine is equivalent to a sloth xD

Favourite fic(s) you've written

Probably the same fic I talked about in the previous answer! It has a special place in my heart. I also don't mind I'm Here too much! There some personal wips that I quite like too, but I'm not sure if I'm up for sharing them yet xD

Fic I spent least time on

Probably the "Li Cu fucking Dies" fic, otherwise titled "Come with me, I promise the water is fine."  It's pretty much just a slight rehash of a post I made that I then turned into a fic. There wasn't a whole lot of time spent on it, mostly for the sake of my own poor heart xD

Longest fic

Definitely the fic I spent most time on. It was around 39K words, which isn't a lot but, again, I am a slow writer xD

Shortest fic

Definitely "Come with me..." which is around 370 words! Unless I was to dredge up a REALLY REALLY REALLY OLD pokemon fanfic I wrote when I was 11. I doubt that any of the chapters got past the 100 word mark xD

Most hits/kudos/comments/bookmarks: 

The unnamed long fic returns! Definitely my most popular fic by far.

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: 

Definitely would rewrite the unnamed fic and I think I might add onto I'm Here's universe? Or maybe the AU where Li Cu is dead.

Share a bit of a WIP:

Ok this comes from a dumb fic idea that I had where Li Cu and his snake spirit argue constantly, but Li Cu often argues his points out loud, and people catch him talking to himself too many times xD Of course, after this snippet it turns a little angsty (because Wu Xie and Li Cu's angst towards each other is Eternal around here) but I cut it out since I don't post enough fluffy-ish content xD

You need sleep.

"Not at 7 in the evening!" Li Cu protested in frustration. "I have work to do-"

"Are you arguing with yourself?"

Uh oh.

Li Cu is frozen on the spot for a moment, blinking stupefied at the wall. A new wave of emotions eclipses his anger, and instead he's drowned out with embarrassment, anxiety and slight panic.

He turns around slowly to see Wu Xie standing behind the couch, watching him with undisguised amusement, those clever eyes already beginning to deconstruct Li Cu in the same way Li Cu used to deconstruct pens as a kid.

Or. Maybe not as clumsily. Wu Xie's innate ability to read others was more like how a clocksmith seamlessly pieces together all the intricacies of, well.... a clock...

Where the fuck was he even taking this?

The point is, Wu Xie is a crafty bastard who knows his way around people - especially ones like Li Cu who basically wear their heart on their sleeve. Or if you want to be more accurate, right on his fucking forehead like that weird headband game.

Li Cu swallows his panic with the intensity of a man starved.

"Uh... I uh... No...?" Smooth. "Not... Not really...?"

Wu Xie raises an eyebrow and levels Li Cu with a disbelieving grin.

"Oh really? Who are you talking to, then?"

"I mean... You right now, if we're being--"

"Alright smartass, who were you talking to before I came in? The wall? A ghost?"

Well, he's technically not wrong there...

"I... Ah...."

You are quite inept at this.

"Shut it!"

And there we go!!! Sorry if this ate up ppl's dashes ;;; I'm tagging @tbx12 @traineecryptid and @strandedchesspiece ((don't feel pressured to do it!! ♡♡ It's fine if you can't/don't want to ^^)) and anyone else who sees this and wants to give it a go!!

[secret-engima]

Some Random Reasons I Really Like the Boruto Anime.

(because yes it has it’s problems but honestly I’m tired of trying to enjoy my fandoms with everyone whinging that it’s “not as good as the original”. As if the original two Naruto shows weren’t utter dumpster fires with moments of Pure Awesome to keep it alive and half the fandom isn’t there solely to pick through Kishimoto’s junkyard world building looking for shiny bits to incorporate in their fanfics.  Which is not to say I don’t like the Naruto shows, but seriously ppl you can’t whine about how bad the fillers and slow pacing and weird world-building of Naruto was only to turn around and scream that Boruto is horrible of TRYING TO BE DIFFERENT. Let’s inject some positivity in here. Anyone who has no need for Boruto positivity can kindly move on with their lives and let me have my shiny fandom. Moving on.)

-Reason 1. Mitsuki exists. He is Best Boi™ and I adore him.

-Reason 2. The characters are not carbon copies of their parents, but neither are they polar opposites. They have some of their parent’s traits and some of their own unique traits and honestly it’s so refreshing to have a show that isn’t “Main Character X Take 2: This time with a New Color Scheme”

-Reason 3. Have you SEEN how many girl characters there are in this show? Even if most of them are side characters? Have you SEEN the fact they can actually DO STUFF other than flip their hair and whine about boys? One of them can use seals! And has CAT POWERS!! Another one was the antagonist of the first story arc! And was actually cool! And also got reformed rather than just being yote off the nearest cliff! The main female character is actually useful without being either a whim or a jerk!

Reason 4. The school system has been revamped in ways that make SENSE. The Naruto cast (especially Iruka as the new headmaster) looked back on their early life and went “You know what? It’s REALLY DUMB that we were so unprepared for shinobi life. Let’s change that.” And they did! Students actually learn water and tree walking BEFORE they get thrown into life and death situations! They know jutsu other than the Basic Three! They get to know basic sealing and learn that Summoning jutsu exists! There’s a student who knows medical ninjutsu, so that’s obviously an optional course or something kids can take! They also have an option to NOT BE NINJAS. If they decide partway through they don’t wanna be ninja’s, there’s a civilian middle school program incorporated into the academy! Do you know what that also means? Civilians who get to know BASIC SELF DEFENSE. So even if they aren’t Ninja, they at least know how ninja work and how to not Insta-die the next time someone breaks into their village!

Reason 5. THERE’S AN INTER-SCHOOL TRANSFER PROGRAM. Way to show just how tight the alliances of the different villages are. Even if it’s only mentioned here and there, it’s SUCH a cool thought with so much fanfic potential.

Reason 6. Chocho, flipping, Akimichi exists. Yes, she can be a little annoying with her running gag of “I’m so pretty” but like- SHE IS ACTUALLY PRETTY. And she knows and can use the clan jutsu really well! DO YOU KNOW HOW EASY IT WOULD HAVE BEEN for them to either make her utterly hideous and go “Hur hur look at the fat girl thinks she can actually be pretty lol” OR make her constantly whimpy and shy and lacking any confidence at all because ��oh look at the poor girl, she’s FAT so she must feel UGLY all the time, and have no confidence because what FAT PERSON has any confidence unless they’re delusional?” Both of those would be so freaking stupid and defeating. But INSTEAD they make Choho 1. pretty and 2. self-confident. She dresses nice, she looks nice, she’s not stick thin like say, Sarada, but she is actually pretty and she OWNS it. She owns her love of food, and her clan jutsu, and just- herself in general. And yea they use it as a running gag sometimes when she plays it up a little too much, but like- there’s a body positivity character! Right there! Who is also a girl who kicks butt! One of the biggest complaints I’ve seen of the naruto show is that the girl characters are flat and useless and underused save for like- Tsunade. Here you have a useful girl who is also body confident! And that’s not even touching on Sarada “can use both super strength and the sharingan and owns this fact” Uchiha.

Reason 7. Boruto’s issues are not his dad’s issues. There are ... lots of “kid sequels” i’ve seen/read/heard of where all the problems are basically the main character’s problems rehashed. And yeah, the villains so far are that I’ve seen are callbacks to the main show, BUT. EMOTIONALLY. Boruto’s issues aren’t the same. Boruto doesn’t have the “nobody likes me I must earn their respect” issues Naruto did. Or the orphan issues. He has a loving mom, he’s a loving big brother (who makes mistakes and does argue with his sister, which #realistic kthanks), and he is popular. Being alone isn’t his problem. Being unpopular or hated isn’t his problem. His problems are that he doesn’t know how to bond with his always-busy dad (which- of course Naruto is always busy, that’s just the show writers continuing the Overworked Hokage gag from the original show, and yes Naruto uses his Shadow Clones to help with it but come ON he’s running a military force AND a booming village) and that he hasn’t had the same life experiences Naruto had at that age. He’s learning to mature in a different way. If Naruto and Naruto Shippuden were about children who grew up too soon in a brutal ninja world, then Boruto is about kids who grow up in the AFTERMATH of that world. The world where their parents never want their kids to suffer like that and so, just a little, coddle them. It’s kinda like the aftermath of the big wars. The kids who grew up during that war are adults now and their kids have COMPLETELY DIFFERENT life experiences and priorities. It’s just how it works, and I appreciate that.

Reason 8. We have a girl Uchiha who wants to be Hokage. I love the Naruto and Naruto Shippuden shows, but it got ... a LITTLE tiresome that Naruto’s dream was also the dream of both his dad AND his mom and I think also kid Jiraiya at one point? Like- it seemed like at that point the show was going “Of course you want to be hokage! It’s in your blood!”. Boruto couldn’t care less bout being the next Hokage. He’s lived what it’s like to be the Hokage’s kid (something Asuma, if he’s still been alive, could have sympathized with I’m sure) and he doesn’t want to be that person. Sarada on the other hand has lived the live of having no real dad figure until recently, and as such Naruto’s “all the village is my family” motto really rings home with her. She wants to be the next Hokage, not Boruto, and frankly that’s refreshing.

Reason 9. Shino the teacher. I’m pretty sure this is a controversial point but honestly I really liked this. I do have some issues with how the og characters are portrayed (looking at you Kiba and Anko), but Shino I have no issues with. This is an intelligent, helpful boy who grew up struggling to bond with people and who grew up with people constantly interrupting him/not listening. And this gag does make its frequent appearance in Boruto, but that’s not Boruto’s fault that’s actually a case of the show being consistent with its predecessor so, you know, go blame Kishimoto for how his students didn't listen to him in the early episodes. BUT. As the episodes go on, it’s so clear the students do love and respect their teacher. They wouldn’t talk to him if they didn’t. They might not see him as a terrifying warrior, but he’s their TEACHER. Even Mitsuki comes to respect Shino, going out of his way (spoiler) to fight Shino in the graduation exam because Mitsuki saw Shino as someone worth testing himself against. Mitsuki. Orochimaru’s “perfect clone bby”. Thought Shino was badass enough to fight. And also on the student body in general, OBVIOUSLY they listen to him off screen, because if they didn’t then they wouldn’t have learned the things they did and have actually succeeded in the graduation exam, now could they?

Reason 10. Naruto and Sasuke are still utterly epic WITHOUT stealing the spotlight the moment they come on screen. I’m not that far into the show, so maybe that changes, but from the arcs I’ve seen (mostly the Shin arc), Naruto and Sasuke are utter powerhouses, but they don’t ... they don’t just hax the show. In the same way Jiraiya didn’t hax everything and steal the spotlight from Naruto, neither do Naruto and Sasuke, but we still see they’re awesome (after all, they were perfectly capable while fighting all the Shins, and just- the moment one of them got a look at Kuruma it was OVER and it’s SO clear in that moment that Sasuke and Naruto were holding back because they didn’t want to kill a bunch of kids. Naruto or Sasuke on their own could have MASSACRED the Shins, but didn’t, because they’re former protagonists (and reformed antagonist in one case) like that.

So... tl:dr Boruto is not Naruto or Naruto Shippuden but considering all the massive plot holes and world-building errors that happened in those shows, as well as the utter lack of use of its female characters, that’s not a bad thing! Boruto has some stuff wrong with it, and some things that I can see annoying/ticking off fans who had their heart set on another path, but the show has potential, the characters are utilized much better than I expected, and as someone who did not grow up on Naruto and so doesn’t have shiny nostalgia glasses spot welded to my face, I think it’s a really good show.

Honestly if it wasn’t a sequel of such a monolith, childhood-forming show, I think it wouldn’t get NEAR as much hate, and the fact that it gets such flak because it dares have its own unique take on the post-Naruto Shippuden years rather than trying (and inevitably failing) to cater to the whims of every single fan out there makes me sad. If you want to see more of Naruto’s world and see female characters actually get some cool moments to themselves, then give it a try. If you’d rather go with your own Naruto HCs for what happened at the end of the war, then that’s FINE, just don’t get mad at those of us who enjoy Boruto for the glorious animated fanfic AU it is.

[krokonoko]

Doin one of my play by plays of the Pokemon movies.

It’s been a while since the last one! That’s cuz chronologically, we should do the 3rd one next, but the 3rd one is my fav and I’d rant for hours about how good it is and ain’t nobody got time for that, so we gonna skip straight to the fourth one.

I always remembered the fourth movie decidedly unfavorably. It’s categorized in my head as “the one that started the era of Pokemon movies that suck.”

And yeah it’s. Not as good as its predecessors. It was the movie that started the formula of “cute helpless legendary Pokemon needs to be saved from evul ppl.” It was the first one starring Ash’s new German voice actress, which was a big reason for me to stop watching the anime back in the day cuz WOW that new voice was the most grating thing in existence.

But looking back, I feel like I did the movie injustice. I think it’s got a lot of neat moments, and some that I honestly love, if only for their silliness. So let’s do this.

We start with music rehashed from the first movie. Not a good look, though that’s probably 4Kids fault.

GOD that cgi is ugly. And even worse, it was already back in the day!! There was never a time when this looked good.

wow thanks lady that looks gross af

those are some big ass nidoran

Oh no, the evil guy is weakening Celebi in order to catch it...! ...Wait that’s what we’re doin all day long in the games.

Honestly, it never made sense to my why the plot of the anime was so often revolving around keeping people from catching wild Pokemon? I mean I guess Team Rocket wants to use them for bad things, but Ash & Co. usually justified them keeping Team Rocket from catching wild Pokemon with accusations like “These Pokemon don’t belong to you!” ...bitch, yeah, they don’t belong to you either, they don’t belong to anyone, that’s why we’re catching them, that’s the entire purpose of the goddamn franchise?

And if the problem here is that this guy wants to catch a legendary Pokemon, then why am I required to catch legendaries to advance the plot in the games?

The cutest fucking Tyranitar.

What IS this guy’s outfit. Also will you believe me if I tell you it took me over 15 years to figure out this dude is a Team Rocket member?

“The Pokemon I catch with these balls become evil, and their powers are immediately maximized.”

Ah sure that sounds scientific and only slightly OP.

The title screen doesn’t exactly help the impression that this movie is severely half-assed, even if it’s made by 4Kids.

I also think it’s really funny that the English name of the movie is this run of the mill punny 4Kids bs. I mean. 4Kids. 4Ever. Wow. What ingenuity. And the German translation team took a look at that and went “NOPE, not doin it”, and called it “The timeless encounter”.

We’re about to see a Croconaw!!! :DDD

Will I ever be over the fact that Brock’s cute tiny Zubat evolved into a badass Crobat while I wasn’t looking? Nah.

Ah there it is, Ash’s new voice... You gotta understand, I had this huge crush on Ash when I was ~10yo, and his voice was a big part of that. So when it got replaced, I didn’t exactly take it well. Also the new one was doin its best to be even more grating than the English one. THEN AGAIN, the voice actress actually isn’t that bad in this movie and Mewtwo Returns.

HE.

No one knows how to actually pronounce Suicune until you hear someone else say it in a certain way and you go “NO that’s NOT how you say it!!”

I love how the old lady with the green hair is revealed to be the guardian of the entry to the forest since she was young. It’s just so funny how we just saw her jump about 30 foot off a tree as a teenager when Sammy was about to enter the forest, and go like “/game grumps zelda voice/ heeey kid, s’just a legend or whatever, but timetravel, it’s a thihiiing! Here, have some bread! byeee!” And then the kid vanished, and now she’s this grumpy old hag who waves her staff at everyone coming past her house like “DON’T EVEN FUCKING DARE GETTING CLOSE TO THAT FUCKING FOREST OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL KICK YUR ASS!!”

babies babies bABIES

That Stantler is fucking legendary. Idk how it is in the English version, but in the German dub, it’s just got the most normal voice. Like, often the ppl voicing Pokemon will kind of talk in a hissing tone, or make their voice sound deeper or whatever, but this Stantler sounds like a completely normal dude just matter-of-factly stating: “Damhir. Plex.”

And instead of, idk, holding Celebi into the water at the edge, Sammy walks into the lake, clothes and backpack and everything, and squats there like a tool. I mean I get it, the imagery is much stronger like this, but couldn’t he at least taken off the shoes? The backpack? THAT’S GOT HIS NOTEBOOK IN IT???

I love them. Every single one of them is so valid.

Nothing to see here, just a pretty shot.

I really like these old anime glow effects~

The best part about Celebi healing Misty’s knee is how she doesn’t just slowly try to put weight on it or something, but straight up jumps around on it. Ride or die, man.

This is one of my fav moments in the entire movie, cuz you got Celebi cruisin around in the foreground, and the boys sitting there, looking at the viewer with this exact vacant stare for multiple seconds without making a noise or moving.

You know, I mean... the first two Pokemon movies were some pretty basic stuff. Esp. The second one was really just a McGuffin hunt. But this one is just such a poster child for the plot that would be recycled in Pokemon movies like no other. The entire narrative has completely halted. All we are doing is watching Ash, Sammy and Celebi bond. There are no stakes and no tension, except for the fact that the Pokemon hunter is still on the lose but he’s so forgettable, who honestly even still cares about him?

And the thing is, this bonding between Ash, Sammy and Celebi is important so they can save Celebi from turning evil later, but it still rings kinda hollow what with the montage they’re getting of all the fun times they had for the last, say two hours?

The much more important thing, which puts this movie a bit ahead of most other Pokemon movies with this structure, is that Ash isn’t just bonding with the legendary of the week, but also with Sammy.

And Sammy isn’t just a bff of the week, but an established core cast character. Imho, that’s what makes the movie worthwhile.

The dumb thing about this is that Celebi didn’t even get corrupted for any good reason. It was literally just “yeah it was in that weird pokeball for a sec now it’s evil.” ^^°

cgicune

I remember first watching this movie and this was the point where I honestly started hating it because I was so disgusted by how unimaginative everything about this... ball? is...

yeah no, this is just. really really bad.

OKAY here’s another thing. WHY did Suicune turn up now?

On the one hand I do realize I like this movie more than I thought I did. On the other hand I’m starting to see why it was such a problem for me back then. This movie is just trying to copy formulas from the prior ones without really. Working for it. Remember Lugia and Ash working together? Lugia saving Ash and all that? Wasn’t that cool?

Yeah but there was also a reason for WHY Lugia stepped in and WHY they helped Ash. It was Lugia’s task to step in in case the three birds started fighting. And Ash was the chosen one. It’s flimsy as fuck, but it worked.

What’s Suicune’s connection to all of this? They’re... sorta like... another guardian of the forest. Cool. Then why didn’t they step in the moment the hunter attacked Celebi? There’s no real reason for them to save Ash and Sammy, except for the fact that they’re protags and they need plot shield.

Everything about the writing in this movie makes it so obvious even to a young teenager that this is just ticking boxes.

The thing is, the first three movies had at least one character developing. It took a human’s sacrifice for Mewtwo to learn the value of life, both of the life of others and their own. In the second movie, Ash had to live up to the responsibility of being the chosen one. And the third movie is just amazing and Molly is a really interesting character, she overcomes a deep grief and learns that escapism is not the answer to her problems and it’s just all around the best Pokemon movie of all time it’s got so much emotional depth idek where to start.

But here... Who learned anything? Who developed? And I think that’s where later Pokemon movies fall short. There’s not a lot of character development, and even if there is any, it just rehashes of the old movies. And while I couldn’t have put it into words like that when I was a young teen, I think that’s part of what bothered me so much about this one. 

Also what’s with this bs talk about the lake being polluted or the forest dying? A couple of trees got uprooted and there’s a bit of dirt, honest to god nothing but soil and stuff, in the lake. Give it a couple of months and it’s gonna be fine. It’s not like there’s toxic waste in the water or anything.

I mean you could say the forest is dying cuz Celebi is dying, but by the logic of the movie, it was the other way around! And honestly, nothing in the background even looks like its wilting at ALL. So this really doesn’t leave much of an impression.

Fuck this, this is not earned.

At this point, the hunter guy is just bullying Celebi.

And this little overpowered dingdong can’t even free itself from some dude grabbing it. Okay sure so Ash needs to save it againnnn what are the emotional stakes hereee

ANYWAY. It was all worth it for the only actual plot twist in the history of Pokemon movies:

And I actually really, really like this one. It’s not just an awesome twist but also a super sweet moment between Ash and Prof. Oak that deepens their bond.

So yeah, I think I already said everything I had to say about this one. Kind of the beginning of the end for Pokemon movies. Not saying there aren’t some winners in between, but man did they get formulaic. And the recent attempts to break up said formula are. Questionable at best. It seems like Pokemon can’t really escape itself, though I’m sure if they wanted they could create meaningful stories like the first or third movies or just solid, fun action movies like the second one again.

[ghcstvalleychief]

When you think KP couldn’t get anymore messier they say sike lol the BC mess Poor kid that was his time to shine smh. Then the one writer met with pond 👀..I have so little hope but as long as the writer keeps her ground we may see Apo in a series? Hopefully crossing my fingers(manifesting). What I’m not liking especially on TW non MA stans putting their two cents saying how “She only asked for Apo” “stop asking for MA your hindering Apo’s growth as an actor” blah blah blah……. Like what is wrong in wanting MA together again? You don’t even Stan them like that. I’m excited that Apo is getting calls I love this, both MA know how to pick their projects and if this doesn’t include them together that’s OK! As long as they give my man Apo someone on his same level then I’m all for it I’ll be tuning in im 100% sure that Mile is going to be the hyping his BF up like that’s not an issue and most of the ppl that I follow on Tw think the same way. But it’s getting weird seeing ppl go on other accounts and basically wanting Mile away and downplaying his work..idk side eye them really hard ( I muted them lol) people want them together bc they work amazing together, who wouldn’t want them together again, there is nothing bad in hoping they get casted together. We don’t even know what work she’s bring to the table, many want the Police officer/ Doctor story but I heard somewhere that that story is already taken and made for another couple.. I think. Anyways what ever comes out of this meeting I am speaking it into the universe that it’s For Apo or MA only I really don’t want to see some other dude from that company. I know that whatever MA do it’s bound to be successful you just have to work with them on their same level and you shall see. All good wishes/ Vibes for MA and MA only ✨❤️

You know what it is? It's the hatred for Mile. Their hatred of him runs so deep that they're willing to come up with lame excuses as to why Mile shouldn't be attached to this project too. We love Apo. We really do, but chemistry between the leads is extremely important here. Unless they can guarantee that the person they want to pair him with (instead of Mile) can deliver the same type of chemistry we saw in KinnPorsche, then there's no point.

This story is a drama, but there's also romance, right? So, in any case, whoever could potentially act opposite of Apo still needs to be able to have chemistry with him. I'm not saying it has to be Mile either, but I expect something along the same lines of what I saw in KinnPorsche when it comes to chemistry. I'm not budging on that part and neither should anyone else. I know other fans have expressed their desire for the lead characters to go to another duo in this cast but .. you already know how I feel about that other duo so I won't rehash it again. In any case, I'm sure Apo is going to knock it out of the park if he books the lead role. I'll support him from a distance because I hate Manner of Death and there's no way I'm going to watch anything like that again. Then again, I'm not sure if the novel is why that show sucked for me or if it was because the show writers changed it so much that it's unbearable to watch. Regardless, I do know the author is pretty respectful and understands boundaries. I've only heard good things about her, so it sucks that I don't like her material.

Also, I don't hesitate to block people who hate Mile, anon. I saw one tweet from someone saying that and I immediately blocked them. Fortunately, I was never following them in the first place. You have more patience than me, anon. I just have little to no patience for that shit. I don't need that crap on my TL every time Apo does something with Mile or every time we find out there's more joint projects in the future. We get it - you hate Apo and you hate the fact that Apo's so attached to Mile that he's happily and willingly agreeing to do more projects with him but you need to get over that. Your fave loves Mile, even if you don't.

[roxannepolice]

Ur the only bitch in the house respect. Seriously though, I saw TLJ and liked better than Tfa because I appreciated it more because i like a bold fuck up more than a safe rehash. But then I saw it on netflix and I had the thought, 'does lf not want me to care about the resistance/rebels?' because if they didn't then quite frankly that's how you'd do it, all the 'failures' boil down to either wanting to kill the ppl viewed as space nazis to hard or being 'too compassionate' and even after (cont)

them being reduced to what? a a couple dozen? they’re all standing around chill like they just broke for a meeting break around a water cooler. meanwhile the big bad who’s gonna be that for at least im betting a third of the finale is on his knees crying. i know its supposed to be ‘crime never pays’ or whatever, but seriously, they’re down to a single ship, they’re potential allies said ‘lmao no’ and the biggest source of funding just got blown up. they’re gonna win and we know that but the /narrative doesn’t even pretend otherwise/. and i thought, oh god maybe it is as shit as everyone says. but then you gave me hope but I still have one remaining fly in soup so to speak. There’s gonna be a ST after the ST and we all know it. It may be 20 yrs or whatever but it’s coming. So how do you idk rationalize the idea of integrating the shadow of the empire with the need for there to be an enemy for the war of the warry stars? stormtroopers are ~iconique~ and it was always the biggest stumbling block I had to the stormtrooper revolution. Why would any company worth its stock swap out an instantly recognizable and marketable baddie for idk some other cgi alien army or whatever? love to hear ur thoughts and thanks.

Thanks, anon, those are some really great points! 

Yes, I am a bit frustrated with the way the good guys™ of this trilogy are depicted as - as a collective because obviously we felt for Paige Tico - virtually invincible, getting not one but two jedi ex machina to get them out of the problem. Maybe I should mention that while I use the ex machina term quite extensively, I don’t consider it a bad move by default - sometimes a lightning from a clear sky can have its dramatic beauty. What is frustrating is when a situation is clearly not hopeless yet the text insists it is only solvable by supernatural intervention, as, imo is the case with rock lifting Rey. TBH, when the resistance run into the rocks blocking their way, my first thoughts were huh, they can blast their way through, maybe a shot from MF will clear the way, or maybe we’ll get some teamwork scene where all the members will combine their forces to quickly deal with the problem. But no, we got Rey lifting rocks with the force and being amazed at herself lifting rocks and resistance also being amazed by her lifting rocks and Luke crying joyful tears at the thought of her lifting rocks - and in result the only character I actually felt for was the man who was faced with his holy murderous uncle basically praising the girl, to whom he offered a galaxy, for dumping him, as practically everyone else in his life did. This is some very human venom that gets spit in the I’ll destroy her and you and all of it line. 

But still, I insist the screenwriter who also came up with the You’re nothing but not to me line which is still being analyzed 8 months later and also manged to give a beautiful and satisfying end to the journey of one of cinema’s icons, isn’t oblivious of the contrast between those two scenes and bordering on emptiness lightness of the political subplot. Just imagine how much satisfying the rock lifting would have been if we have seen Rey simply fail at anything before this scene - for example, if before taking up the ls to train she wasn’t training with her staff only, exactly, trying to put rocks on top of each other - and failed and then picked up the ls in frustration. Then her “apotheosis” at the end would feel much more earned and it’s really basic rules of storytelling I point out, so it’s not a matter of Rian Johnson being Fellini and Antonioni and also my countryman Roman Polański all rolled into one only a good movie making craftsman that he is to figure this out. Of course, there is much symbolism and subext to this scene but again - the subtext and symbolism in the overall movie point out to an ending more complicated than gratuitous dragon slaying.

Ending the whining and turning to the actual question - what about future installments? Well, first of all it is very possible that next trilogies will be perhaps closer to usual action based movies, maybe not completely dropping the deeper psychoanalitical symbolism but also not operating on it like the Skywalker saga has been and should be so till the end. It very often seems to us that once we finish the psychoanlysis all our problems will disappear but that’s really not the case - it may be that they’re only about to commence. TBH, I was fully prepared for this trilogy to drop the jungian elements, since RotJ could technically be the end of individuation - Luke reconciled his father’s self and shadow, as well as understood his own shadow. So when tfa’s opening crawls informed me the new villains are actually old villains revamped I felt almost disappointed - only to be positively surprised by one of the stormtroopers turning out to be trilogy’s hero. Still, after tfa itself I was inclined to think creators were just too lazy to come up with something new and maybe are giving some commentary on neo-bad things springing up across the globe. But tlj and additional materials made me think that they really have something new to say about the conflict. Ex-imperials were exiled rather than reintegrated or even imprisoned, galactic history kept Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader seperate entities, finally Anakin’s denied shadow was directly complicit in his grandson’s fall - all that reeks of repression and the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. Because Leia would, and as it turned out did, find it much harder to deal with her father’s memory than Luke, as it wasn’t he who was held still to watch his whole planet get blown up - and yet it was Leia who passed the Darth Anakin genes on, so obviosuly she would have to deal with her father someday.

Tell your sister you were right, the actual last words Anakin has ever spoken, take on a brand new meaning now, don’t they?

But  perhaps more importantly, as far as storytelling and marketing are concerned - the real question isn’t why should they drop iconic villains only how long can they actually keep up the same villains without them losing all dramatic value? Aside from the movies repeatedly employing storytelling devices to keep us unworried about the heroes, that’s the main reason why the political conflict in this trilogy is so emptily obvious, or at least, as I hope, seems emptily obvious. Now, of course, you never really expect villains to win in kids’ movies but a new villain is always someone that needs to be introduced, recognised, have his methods and motives exposed - and that iteself makes the story more interesting. A new villain is someone heroes need to learn, adjust to and this is what triggers their own inner journeys as well as tells the audience something new. Rebels and empires are basically angels and demons at this point and how may times can you watch white clad blondes with circles vanquish red-and-black clad brunets with horns as you know there’s no way it won’t end this way? Empires are Star Wars equivalents of Daleks and let’s face it it’s the Weeping Angels that scare us now, Daleks we just want to exterminate our sadness.

also dr Who bases on time travel so linear storytelling doesn’t apply

The only type of villain that can stay the same for who knows how many episodes is the mastermind with a secret organisation who always sneaks away - but no massive political-military organisation. And even they finally become their own parodies.

I should add, Solo very positively surprised me in this aspect - actually I would say it’s the Stories that keep me so optimistic about this trilogy, what with Galen Erso, Saw Guerrera and imperial officials from a Forman movie - with their depiction of crime syndicates. Dryden Vos isn’t your usual chaotic neutral criminal that’s still lesser evil than evil empire - it’s he who used up Enfys’s people resources of coaxium, yes, to sell them to the empire, but it was still he who was responsible. This really makes me think Disney-LF has some wider vision of the GFFA - and there are more potential for conflict there than just angels and demons RRR and Hugo Boss uniforms

And to wrap up, don’t forget our beloved turtle like helmets I can’t be the only one who always thought of turlte shells looking at stormtoopers? technically started as the good guys - so it’s possible we’ll keep their iconicness.

[nxwxrds]

Afraid. (my journal entry from isolation)

im afraid ima die alone that all this virgin bullshit built up a false sense of security in my when it came to my future wife yet im alone still while all my friends are gettin married askin me to bein in their weddings im afraid it’ll be this way forever an my long trail of toxic relationships & heartbreaks will jus be memories that keep my defense foundation fortified im afraid im not pure at all with all tha porn thas flashed before my eyes im afraid my punishment is singleness or kids that won’t be healthy if thas tha case maybe ill stay single im afraid maybe this is the cards God has dealt me & my patience runs thin with every rsvp afraid i already fucked things up wit the woman of my dreams i didn't fight hard enough for her she seemed to good to be true she actually loved me for me an well that was the first inna relationship i actually knew it scared me because it made me uncomfortable it wasn't toxic or lopsided like i was use to it was mutual, damn now i'm back to single as usual

im afraid this is tha end of me my life as i know it right now i use to have so much belief in my heart & soul but day after day year after year ive just watched it all fade away tha creativity that use to excite me only scares & taunts me now feelin like tha greatest days have passed (they say as a man thinks so he is) an that long walk to a job that I hate but settled for where I talk about tha dreams i use to have inna coffee room doesn’t seem so far off anymore I went from plan a only to “plan b-z don’t look so bad” im afraid that ive already given up every birthday jus a reminder i ain’t shit an i ain’t done shit to make ppl give a shit which brings me to “y am i still here,” everyday issa question i ask

ima afraid i gotta be famous to feel important

an ion wanna be famous so i sabotage my own dreams ere time i start to overthink my deportment or disposition feel like my potential stuck inna prism i can’t reach

im afraid that tha real me thas locked away tha child like me stuck inna prison wont ever be acceptable or see the light of day i bring him out from time to time but he’s fragile always seems to get hurt ya kno so rather than rehash old wounds i build new defenses daring any motherfucker to step or even look at me sideways promisin myself to make them feel how ive felt for so long ppl tell me you gotta be careful thas how ppl die but im already dead im afraid, an have been for years so i no longer feel tha need to prolong

im afraid ima imposter ppl tell me they were inspired or encouraged by somethin i said when i was in touch with a more healed version of myself but i feel so far from him now i get ashamed when they make comments that would suggest i know him still

im afraid ive lost any real friends ive had or maybe i just never had em to begin with tha niggas in high school i built a bond wit senior year we kinda talk but not as vulnerable & honest, as we use too, sometimes i feel when i went to college i broke up tha band an we ain’t been tha same since dem weekends of rappin to instrumentals on YouTube all the ones i call friends now i can’t eva get ahold of when i really need to talk bout feelin suicidal which jus makes it harder to reach out tha next time now i feel closer to death than i do to real people in my life but im no doctor what do i know, im afraid to fall asleep most nights

im afraid my dreams will be what could’ve been but if I keep on this path tha only impact it’ll make is when it finally lands in tha “never accomplished” bin

im afraid of not being loved tha child locked in me needs a lot of love but ive learned to survive without it to this point idk how to speak for him it’s like im usin my mouth for the first time the words get rerouted they just don’t come out how they feel when they’re locked inside me; i spend all this time by myself afraid that im killin myself like ion eat or even talk to myself anymore whenever i do its usually mad critical im tryna find my value in my work or work ethic but it ain’t workin

im afraid to settle; even more afraid i already have

im afraid all my ideas & dreams will become a list of things that just made everybody laugh

im afraid of change even tho bein tha same hurts worst

im afraid to make an album cuz besides tha mic im not sure anyone will listen to my story or the cries of the little boy within me

im afraid to keep lookin at my peers timeline blessings with envy

im afraid im growin more jealous im afraid my imagination is endin

im afraid ive neva been inna place as dark as this im afraid that little boy will neva come out to play again

im afraid my lack of confidence wont lemme fly overthinkin has me bothered; i think its startin now

im afraid to turn thirty even more afraid ill die before then with all my unbelief idk if heaven will take me in feel like im in hell every time that i inhale fragile assa hermit krab lost without a home, inna shell i wash off my shell of skin vow to let nobody in cause im tired of bein hurt, gettin hurt, only left bein hurt again

im afraid i know how grandma felt before she chose not to be here anymore tho it pisses me off im afraid i feel tha same way which is why i always look at the floor thinkin to myself six feet under ain’t that far

im afraid to talk to God ive got so much anger & unforgiveness, heard it said forgiveness is fundamental so much im not sure if he’s down to listen

im afraid im bein selfish im afraid thas why i feel worthless who am i to talk about pain when everyone else is hurtin maybe issa excuse me seekin attention seems like that little boy inside is fightin to get outta this prison but ive been here for twenty-nine years was another life sentence maybe ill just be silent tha rest of my life make art so i don’t have to talk & make this our list of secrets written maybe all this is for what i need with repentance im afraid idk if for me on the cross it was finished somethin about me would rather earn what’s already been given cuz my entire life up to this point i been stuck in this rhythm; afraid

im afraid ive wrote this poem wit no one to share it with, everyone who comes to mind won’t be able to respond back in time for im afraid my biggest fear is... no one will relate

[sagemoderocklee]

how do you feel abt boruto?

ugh anon... ugh....like i don’t... talk about it because I hate it and there are ppl who follow me who are actually invested in this series... but honestly i really hate it and for a lot of reasons all of which boil down to very personal and emotional things: since i sometimes get random asks about Boruto that really just... aren’t what I care about, maybe this is as good a time as any to break it down that I’m here for Naruto and Shippuden, not for Boruto because... well, it’s a laundry list: 

1) CH700 and Boruto was character assassination at its finest. Naruto as a series has many flaws, but I loved the characters in this series, and Boruto took the characters we know and love and shat all over them. Like that’s not to say Kishimoto never did because he certainly did that at times just fine on his own. But Boruto? No. These characters are not the characters I loved. At all. They are so blatantly out of character it’s laughable to even call this thing a spinoff. It’s a pathetic attempt at cashing in on the success of Naruto and honestly does the series, its characters, and its fans a huge disservice. It’s a slap in the face. 

2) it’s a fucking cash cow. it’s like watching the HP franchise continue to produce more unasked for content. I love HP, but I do not care about CC or FBaWtFT. I don’t care about Pottermore and all of JK’s bullshit. It’s the same with Naruto. I never asked for Boruto. I never asked for all those fucking dumbass novels that came after the end of the series. I never asked for the blatant homophobia of 700 or fucking Cursed Child. But people can make money off these things, so they keep rehashing the same shit in new unoriginal ways to steal money from ppl with an emotional investment in this series. Hence why it’s a fucking slap in the face as per my first point. 

3) Probably my most important point: 700 and Boruto are blatantly homophobic. You can’t pretend that Kishimoto and everyone behind Naruto don’t know about SasuNaru, that they aren’t WELL AWARE of its popularity based on the CANON. I mean holy shit the Naruto and Sasuke seiyuu literally made a drama CD based on a SasuNaru fic. They fucking shipped Sasuke and Naruto together so hard. They wanted that shit to be canon. THE FUCKING VOICE ACTORS!!! 700/Boruto shoehorned every character into a heterosexual relationship so that all these characters can produce offspring that I largely have no emotional investment in for various and sundry reasons. A huge part of the character assassination that was committed was literally tied to the blatant homophobia in 700. You literally have a plot that is setting us up to believe that Boruto and Sarada are gonna be like a romantic thing????? that fucking KISS??!?! THE EXACT SAME KISS THAT NARUTO AND SASUKE HAD??? TO THE POINT IT LITERALLY LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE JUST FUCKING TRACED OVER NARUTO AND SASUKE?!?! HOW FUCKING DARE! LIKE THEY SPAT IN THE FACE OF EVERY GAY PERSON WHO HAS BEEN EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN NARUTO! Like not only is it fucking lazy ass writing, but it’s fucking homophobic. We get it! YOU HATE THE GAYS! But sure do love our money. 

4) Every fucking woman is a house wife? Really? REALLY? Temari and Karui just...up and left their villages? because marriage? and babies? like that’s such a fucking load of shit. Sakura. Ino. Tenten. All of them are just... house wives. Like I could accept Hinata--MAYBE, if and ONLY IF, she’d had any growth and been able to discover herself outside of Naruto and actually been allowed to like address any of the issues of her fucked up clan. But like she didn’t. Neji died so she could be a housewife with a man who barely knows her and a man she barely fucking knows. God. The misogyny of the writing continues in how its presented the female characters we love--from all of them being housewives (or in Tenten’s case having a failing weapons business?) to them being fucking abusive mothers/wives. Character assassination wrapped up in sweet misogyny AND homophobia. 

5) None of these characters are good anymore. None of the important points of the series matter. The Uchiha clan massacre? That literal state sanctioned genocide? Who cares. No one needs to know the truth. Caste system of the Hyuuga clan? Bah! It’s fine. Hinata’s horrible fucking abusive ass dad is so happy to have his grandbabies. Never mind the literal hell he put his daughter and nephew through. All’s forgiven! Naruto is a bad fucking Hokage who has done NOTHING to bring the crimes Konoha has committed to light, done nothing to change this horrible fucking militaristic system they live in that’s abused and killed countless CHILDREN. Like Naruto is just flat out bad at everything. He and Sasuke are bad fucking dads. Like he and Sasuke were these kids who were orphaned, who were abused, who were neglected--and they’re not just struggling as parents they are actively bad and awful. It’s like why? What was the point of that? Why even make these ppl parents if they don’t even seem to care about their kids? 

6) Rehashing the same fucking shit. Boruto’s got some prophecy about him, he’s probably gonna defect and destroy everything he loves or what-the-fuck-ever. He and Salad kiss the same way fucking Naruto and Sasuke kissed. Metal Lee and Shinki fight during the Chuunin exams. Like I don’t fucking watch or read this. This is what I know of the rehashing, and it’s like so dull. I don’t care. at all. 

Like I won’t pretend that I’m reading or watching this series, so I can’t really say much more about the actual plot (which I literally don’t care about) or any other possible bad rehashing of things that have been done or will be done. Truthfully I know far more about this series than I ever wanted to by default of being involved in fandom, but that being said it’s just a fucking unoriginal rehash in a lot of ways to get more money. And even if it wasn’t I don’t care! It could have the most interesting plot, the most complex and masterfully woven story and I would not give two shits about it. It could be more politically charged than Naruto and I’d still rather burn it all to the ground and spend my time writing fix-it fics. 

Like if ppl have an emotional investment in Boruto and these new kids and the story, that’s fine! Good for them, do you, be happy. But quite frankly I don’t care and it’s exhausting thinking about this series that makes me so fucking angry because of how fucking dirty it did characters I love, and how fucking homophobic and misogynistic its entire existence is. Like I’m nice to ppl who send me asks about it because w/e, it’s not worth being like an asshole to someone who just wants to talk about it, but ultimately sending me asks about Boruto is just... I don’t care about the series, I don’t know about the series, and it does nothing for me to talk about this series but make me angry. Like I have friends who like it, and like good for them but I honestly don’t want to talk about it much because of all the above things. And I don’t want someone coming to me tryna convince me that I’m wrong, or that I should give it a chance. I do NOT care. I do not. You cannot make me look at 700 and say there’s potential. You cannot make me look at the characters I love being done this dirty. And you cannot make me get over the blatant homophobia. Like y’all go right ahead and enjoy it. I don’t care. I’m not gonna sit around and rain on your parade, but honestly I just... don’t want to talk about Boruto at all if I can help it. 

My opinions and feelings on it go this far. I will say I like some of the kids in like a distant way. As if they were cute fandom OCs--Chouchou is wonderful, Shikadai has done nothing wrong by nature of his existence because ShikaTema is good and wonderful and was always gonna be canon (literally the only good endgame), Metal is a pure child who deserves the world and two dads who love him, Inojin has kinda grown on me that fugly lookin alien child. Like I really do sort of just divorce these children from the series as a whole so I can still enjoy making fun posts about Metal being Lee and Gaara’s son, or appreciate the existence of Choucou or Shikadai. But... that’s like the extent of my positive feelings on this series. I will never have positive feelings about it beyond that. So like /shrug emoji/ 

[dorianpavus]

boy........... therapy rehash / emotional mess beneath the cut

so before i go to therapy i usually take 10 minutes to just like.... introspect, think about my week, think about the themes, think about what i need to talk about, that sort of stuff

and today i was like, ok there’s a couple things i’d like to mention, but it’s been a pretty ok week and i’m not sure what we’re gonna end up talking about. and then i realized that yesterday (when i had worked/run errands/gone to get dinner + drinks with a friend/played ffxiv with my 2 brothers) felt like...... the first Full day i’d had in a long, long, long time.

and that made me start crying in the car while i was driving there, but i wiped away my tears and didn’t get the chance to think much more on it.

and then........ boy.... just. i’m just like. still emotionally reeling.

so at therapy i talked about work for a while, and my shoulder, and then i started talking about this past week in general, and how i’ve been really proud of myself. i Big Girl Cleaned my room, and it feels breatheable now. i’ve hung out with friends twice in 7 days!!! i stopped drinking soda except when i’m out 2 eat, and i’ve cut back on espresso, and i started drinking a lot more water and forcing myself to prioritize myself and prioritize SLEEP (even when i don’t want to) and ....

i’ve been starting to feel like i have a lot more energy, and that’s making my mood increase dramatically. and all those are things i was aware of and they’ve been really encouraging for me.

but then i started talking about my day yesterday. and when i went to tell her that it felt like a full day, i just started crying. and i had no idea why. and i was like “ahh i’m sorry i have no idea why i’m doing this!!!” 

and she was like, no, this is good. whenever clients of mine start crying when they don’t expect to, when they’re talking about something that seems innocuous, i like to sit in that moment, feel it, and think about why that’s coming up.

so we did, and.......... boy. just. what a session lol

i said how good it felt to spend time with my friends and brothers. but not just that, but that... i’ve felt like i’ve been stronger the past two weeks than i have been all year. (oh my god i’m ltierally crying again wt f god)

and that it felt like... i had been offered choices. and i kept getting scared, or tired, and choosing the easy choice. do i want to drive and go hang out with my friends or stay in? do i want to go for a walk or stay in? do i want to do literally anything or continue to do nothing at all?

and i kept not having the energy or strength to make other choices. but the past few weeks, i feel like i have. i feel like, not that it’s been “easy” to make myself do everything, but i’ve done it. and they’ve felt like choices, and i’ve made the right ones finally. and i said, “i feel like i’ve been braver.” 

and she looked at me and was like, you know what? i feel like you have too. and she listed a bunch of stories that i’d told her the past few weeks, and brought up so many instances of my being brave and standing up for myself or others and having hard conversations with my parents and my boss and like... it really sunk in, and i felt brave

and i told her that... well. soooooo i haven’t even talked about it on here (which is funny cause that one ask meme thing was like “tell us a secret” and i didn’t even think to say this, because i have mentioned it before but that was a loooooooong time ago and most ppl i think figured it was uh... resolved....)

but i didn’t technically graduate. well, not technically. i didn’t graduate. i walked in the ceremony, but i had an incomplete from one of my classes, because i couldn’t write my final paper. every time i tried to, i panicked and i felt like dying, and that scared me so i stopped thinking about it. and time passed. and more time passed. and now it’s been a year. 

and it’s a secret that’s been weighing so heavily on me it’s felt like it’s suffocating me. if my parents found out i think they’d kick me out. just thinking about the paper makes my brain go, “uh better kys cause that’s Too Much.” and i hate feeling like that. but i hate that i haven’t graduated too, because it means i can’t apply for jobs because i don’t have a fucking degree!!!!! which is why i’m stuck at home, which only makes me worse!!!! for ONE FUCKING TERM PAPER!!!!

and i kept making progress, like i went from avoiding thinking about it completely since i was a fucking mess to starting to think about it more (which caused my anxiety to skyrocket but was an important step in Dealing With Shit), and every time i thought i was gonna get close to doing something about it (emailing my professor to see if he’ll still accept it, for one) i would get scared. it was like one step forward, two steps back.

like i’d come so close to emailing my professor a few weeks ago... only i didn’t. and my therapist was like, ok, i want you to take time and really think about what it is that you’re so afraid of. what stopped you from emailing him?

and it used to be that the physical act of writing the paper was what scared me. like words wouldn’t come to me. like i was afraid of letting him down/the paper not being good enough/etc. but with time it’s morphed into.... something else, i realized. and it occurred to me that i’m partially afraid of emailing him not only because i’m afraid to write the paper, but more so because i’m terrified of what comes next.

if i graduate.... i’ll have to look for a Serious Job. and maybe i’ll have to move. and maybe it will be horrible. and the whole idea of moving forward into some new vast stage of unknown in my life terrifies me. because what i want to do, what i’ve always wanted to do, was go au pair in france and then teach english there, if i could. that was the Dream Job, and it had been attainable until i had way more student loans than i’d expected and i couldn’t afford it. so now i need to find a decent paying job for a year or two so i can save up and hopefully do what i want.

and it’s that “decent paying job” that scares me. instead of thinking i’m not good enough for my professor now, it feels like i’m not good enough for a Real Job. i have no idea what to expect, i don’t think i’m qualified for literally anything, i just... i feel.......... worthless. and un-hireable. and like whatever path i choose to go down, i’ll be terrible at what i do and... what if it makes me miserable??? (that, as my therapist would say, is Catastrophizing i know i know but it’s something i worry about).

but that felt like a breakthrough. i hadn’t realized i was so afraid of it. i hadn’t realized that what i want more than anything is to be independent and move out and get a better job, but i’m so fucking TERRIFIED of getting a new job. one where i maybe won’t be the smartest kid in the room. one where my bosses don’t sing my praises all day long. that’s so stupid, so stupid, but i’m really scared of it. i feel like i’m inevitably gonna fail because it feels like everyone thinks i’m smarter or more talented than i actually am. i don’t know anything about anything like!!!!!

anyway, that was a big deal. but also..... i feel like... stronger, now. and braver than i’ve been in a really long time. some of my friends knew last year that i’d had an incomplete, but they all thought i had “resolved” that issue. but i told two of them this week that i still hadn’t graduated, and that was humiliating but.... good. and i didn’t think too much of it until my therapist was like “omg!!!!! katie!!!!!! that’s huge!!!!! you’ve been carrying around this secret so heavily i’m so proud of you!!!” and that just made me realize how right she was and i just cried harder. i had been carrying it, and it is a big deal.

and i think i’m going to email my professor tomorrow. not tonight. i’m giving myself tonight to be scared, but i’m setting a time tomorrow to send that email. and take that step forward. and that’s a even bigger deal for me. like, earth-shattering changes-everything kind of big deal.

(i’m like full sobbing now lol)

anyway i was like crying nonstop in therapy today as we talked about things. and how proud she was of me for being so brave, and how happy i was with myself, and how awake i felt, and i was realizing so much about myself and having these Grand Epiphanies 

and i’ve made my therapist tear up before because she genuinely cares which is part of what i love about her, but like, she full-on cried a little with me today and she was like “omg i never cry with clients ahhh” and it was very cute i feel like she is basically me but a therapist lol but it just made me cry more because i was so touched 

and she laughed a little and was like, “this feels like a video game! you know cause we always talk about them. it feels like you’re the heroine of a video game and you’re finally starting to be in the moment”

and god idk that made me cry even more

and like.. it was good crying. it was happy crying. it was crying that was coming from somewhere i didn’t know wanted or needed to cry. it felt like my soul had just been cleansed, like it had showered and washed away grime. like i was an egg that had been cracked open and could breathe

and i feel so light, and clean, and hopeful, and proud, and it’s just a really big deal right now i guess. (still crying)

i feel like i’m on the edge of something. and i wanna take that leap, not into darkness and depression but into... light. that’s what it feels like. and it feels really, really good.

anyway uhhh i’m a mess right now. in a good way. i gots ta go eat dinner and then i think i’m gonna go walk in the park. i used to love the park but i haven’t been in a while, and i’m really feeling a good ole lay down in the grass and listening to music and just let myself cry and feel good.

(also, i had to stop by the tailor right after my therapy appointment to do my second fitting for my bridesmaid alterations and LOL my makeup was super smeared and my eyes were glossy red and my face was all blotchy i could tell the tailor was concerned but she didn’t say anything it was very awkward lol anyway)

i don’t know how to punctuate this post lol. i guess i just wanna say.. 

i feel good today. and that feels really, really, really good.

[sage-nebula]

honestly? i was wondering how they was gonna handle rockruff since both evolutions seem to suit different aspects of ash's battle style and with rockruff's whole eagerness to evolve thing i was sure it was gon' happen. but to see them repeating the exclusive evolution all over again jus' makes me laugh tbh. well, the boy's happy no matter how it turned out cause he loves his doggo anyway so i dont see any room to complain. watchin ppl lose it will be pretty funny, tho.

I’m sorry this took me so long to reply; I was eating dinner and watching The Office earlier, haha.

Anyway, yeah---they did make it pretty clear that they wanted Rockruff to evolve since they gave him a thirst for battle and a desire for evolution. I maintain that they didn’t have to write him that way; when planning the saga, they could have given Ash’s rockruff a different character arc, one that didn’t require evolution. The Kalos saga was the first time Ash’s entire team ended up evolving to their final stages (aside from Pikachu of course, but that’s a given), so it’s not as if leaving some of Ash’s pokémon unevolved would have been a big deal. In fact, I have a feeling that Rowlet is going to stay a Rowlet for the duration of the saga, both because it seems to be the comic relief pokémon of Ash’s team (what with the backpack gag and all), and because of that concept art with Rowlet on Incineroar’s chest.

So they didn’t have to do this, but I agree: Once it became clear that Rockruff wanted to battle everyone all the time + evolve, the natural step is to have him evolve. I also agree that Rockruff seemed really torn between the two evolutions. On the one hand, Ash has always worked best with pokémon that are speedsters, even if not fragile. He has had slow ‘mon before, of course (he has a torkoal ffs), but in my opinion he battles best with agile pokémon, particularly since he tends to fly by the seat of his pants at times, and having pokémon that can adapt the second the plan needs to change works best for him. While midnight lycanroc isn’t slow, midday is absolutely faster, so it would make sense for Ash to have midday lycanroc, especially since Gladion already has midnight lycanroc for some midnight representation.

On the other hand, Rockruff is aggressive and wants to fight all the time, which is a character trait associated with midnight lycanroc. Additionally, Ash is good at winning over disobedient and prideful pokémon given all the experience he has (Charizard alone is experience enough to last him a lifetime, let’s be honest), so letting Ash work with a midnight lycanroc could have been interesting as well, even if it would be rehashing a plotline that we’ve already seen before (even if the anime wants to pretend that plotline never happened).

So yeah, there was evidence for it going both ways . . . but that said, can we really say we’re surprised they decided to take a third option?

Like I said before, this makes it so that Ash isn’t “choosing” one starter over another. Although Gladion is far from a villain, he’s not a primary character (as in, one we see all the time), so if Ash had midday then it would seem as if midday is better than midnight. On the other hand, if Ash picked midnight, then we’d hardly see midday at all and it’d be like midnight was superior. This is the same reason, I think, why Ash never had an eeveelution (and why Red had his espeon taken away from him in the HGSS remakes and all subsequent appearances); they don’t want to play favoritism out of fear of making kids feel bad for what they chose. And to be honest, I think that mentality is ridiculous considering the sheer number of pokémon that don’t get more than a Pokémon of the Day spotlight due to there not being enough space in the cast to equally showcase every character, but I can understand the thought process nonetheless. It’s one that has existed since the anime’s first planning stages, so it’s not as if this was new.

On top of that, though, giving Ash something Super Special Just For Him is also par for the course. I mean, it’s always been this way. He saw Ho-Oh at the end of his first day out on his journey, he was the Chosen One in the Shamouti Islands prophecy, he has aura powers, he received Ash-Greninja in Kalos. Giving him a super special and unique lycanroc evolution is practically expected at this point. Dusk lycanroc is nothing more than the another “you are the protagonist, and you are therefore special, here is your special protagonist thing” item to add to the list. Anyone acting as if this is different from Ash-Greninja is just being silly. 

So yeah, I just find it funny. I’m sure the Discourse™ will be over with in less than a week, as per usual, but it’ll be amusing while it lasts. I can say one thing: I’d much rather have dusk lycanroc Discourse™ than any Discourse™ from another fandom I could name but won’t. Seriously, the Pokémon fandom’s salt is far and away more preferable. Keep it coming, guys. Be saltier than the Dead Sea. I love it.