#not just the pain related stuff

[arodrwho]

now i might enjoy calling house a rat bastard for his mistreatment of like... virtually everyone around him, BUT u do kind of also have to feel bad for the guy. cannot so much as offhandedly mention that he is having a bad pain day without everyone and their dog trying to tell him it's psychosomatic and he's actually trying to treat his emotional problems by making them physical and that's Bad And Wrong

[xbraveheartx]

Suddenly smacked in the face by the implication of Romeo's message where he says "I remember you, so there's no reason for us to fight. I suppose."

I always thought the wording was weird, but didn't think too much on it... Until recently after we discussed some datamined stuff in the Carmeo/Promeo server. There's a scrapped line (where P was supposed to speak) that says "I may not remember, but I'm still your son" during the NP fight, and while the scrapped lines are their own can of worms, let's focus on the memory parts.

I had always thought that once a puppet woke up, they would just get their memories back. But the fact seems to be this: There are select memories that come back to give bits and pieces of their past that "wake" them up-- cause them to change, as we see with P and the necklace; As we see from the spliced memories at the Black Seaside. However, it might not be all one's memories that come back. Whether those spaces stay blank or come back over time, who knows.

What I'm trying to get at here is...

Romeo's memories might only consist of Carlo at the time of waking. Carlo was what woke Romeo-- "I remember you"-- He had the necklace, he knew from who it was; He recognized the face P was modeled after. "So there's no reason for us to fight, I suppose"-- there's a lack of confidence in the wording here. Friends aren't supposed to fight, right? That's what his memory tells him, at least.

And the only memories P tends to get in regards to his past? Those in relation to Romeo, his aspirations, and of his own death. Seemingly, these are the things most important to him.

They were the most important people to each other; They remembered each other, just one too late than the other.

[faultyvessel]

Thinking back to that line in Go To The Mirror? when Cecil’s mom says “why are you crying when you don’t even exist?” and how it plays into the current arc in the way that things are being explained away to seem like they never existed in the first place and how she was supposedly Prophetic and-

[aimseytv]

i love zombie apocalypse related anything. writing? i eat that up. art? give it to me. heart breaking angst that’ll make me wanna claw my eyes out? more please

[p2ii]

I feel like there's something to be said about the way fandom will treat characters who's trauma they can personally relate to Vs characters who they cant

[kakyogay]

I may have been writing evil things but it's okay because I have a pebbles top scars concept with a spinkle of sunstone and another sunstone one where pebbles gets caught lovingly gazing at suns with a spinkle of gjinka bs

[imrisah]

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[tcfactory]

i just worry because i genuinely super love the story, and i worry about you ;v; i dont want my current favourite writer to feel pressured or upset, esp not if i say something a little tactless. i was a little worried with your upload speed, actually, cause i was concerned you might be pushing yourself too hard. and then i remembered that i am a fellow chronic pain haver and ourgh the distraction of creation. but yippie yay <3 im glad it wasnt that mean!

The head of my faculty noticed that I was really unwell (he's like the one guy in my corner among a lot of teachers who are really hostile to students with chronic illness) and I got a pass to do the last few weeks of the semester from home, via remote assignments, so I have a lot of time to write right now. :D When my brain gets fed up with the assignments I swap to writing my fic for a bit or cuddle my cats.

Look at this, this is the face of someone who almost deleted 4k words of an essay by putting her dumb little leggy on the keyboard.

For extra bonus points I'm recovering my energy a lot faster than usual because I don't have to commute between classes.

I'm really glad you are enjoying the story and I'm touched by your concern. 💕 I'm riding a sudden windfall of good weather, chance to rest and my family being too busy with renovations to harass me, so I've had a sudden bout of creative energy. Not sure how long it will last, but I want to make the best of it while it's here :D

[healingheartdogs]

Cardio said my echocardiogram ultrasound, exercise stress test, and week long heart monitor all showed no serious issues, my resting heart rate is fine, but that my heart rate does seem to rise very rapidly under even small amounts of stress (postural changes, taking stairs, casually walking around my house) and rises very high (160+ bpm according to the monitor) so now I get to be put on beta blockers to see if they work and if they do she said that is sufficient evidence to confirm for sure that it's POTS.

Obviously could confirm it as well with a tilt table test but those are TORTURE based off what I've heard from fellow POTSies so I am very thankful that she doesn't think that's necessary and will not be making me do one.

[sonknuxadow]

every time someone on the internet lies about surge's origins to prove that sonic is canonically trans an angel loses its wings

[clewis]

So I was rewatching season 2 (specifically 2x25) and I was hit in the head with an idea for a kinda angsty canon divergence story of sorts, mostly focused on clewis, after Cleo takes off into the ocean…..

[honestlyvan]

Good morning. I'm back from my little adventure, last night I celebrated by watching the .hack//GU Trilogy movie and what can I say except tenouttaten, it was not very good as a movie but it did give me exactly what I wanted which was more of my OTP.

My absolute favourite part was the way Aura showed up just to be like "hello little child of Morganna. I'm here to tell you about a law of the universe so you can consciously choose to break it :)". Ovan was so right to call her 'mischievous'.

[suncaptor]

I think that there's an idea of being expected to push yourself to get better for both physical and mental health issues even when the pushing yourself at hand is 1.) Impossible 2.) Unhealthy and will worsen the issues. Building more strength or energy should always be specific types of gradual, in control, and targetted helpful progress. but like pushing yourself too hard with BOTH can be detrimental.

[themyscirah]

This is technically a Diana's age poll but I framed it partially around Julia's rescue because that's the event I need to contextualize and whether or not Diana is a thing yet is p important for my purposes. I would keep the Pérez run and postcrisis continuity in mind when answering this bc that's when this is relevant but I'd keep in mind that even though Diana is very young there (like early 20s) we don't know I don't think if she ages differently as a child (esp as a themysciran AND being made from clay) and in some versions she is older than she looks and was made earlier

Edit: I accidentally logic-ed this out in the tags lol 🤦‍♀️but feel free to still vote however you want. Going to publish this anyway bc I think I made some good points later in my tags

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

So while I’m on my “You’re Losing Me” riff, another thing that really strikes me about the song is how pervasive loneliness is in it.

This isn’t inherently unique in Taylor’s music; she is after all the narrator in most of her songs. They are inherently self-centered and not in a selfish way, but in a literal way: these are songs about her and her perspective. It makes sense then that YLM is uniquely about her experience in this relationship and this breakdown.

But when I talk about the theme of loneliness, it’s how alone she as narrator is throughout the story. Even in the opening salvo, where he says, “I don’t understand,” and she says, “I know you don’t,” the conversation represents two people fundamentally pushed to their own corners.

There is a clear split between we and I throughout the story.

We thought a cure would come through, now I fear it won’t. We loved this room cause of the light, but now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time. Should I throw out everything we built?

There’s a divide between when they were on the same team, and when she’s been cast adrift. They were working on fixing their problems, but now she alone is burdened with the knowledge that they’ve passed the point of no return. They chose a home to house their future dreams together, but now she’s left all alone in the dark feeling those dreams slip away. They built a life, but now she’s the one having the make the call to take it down.

But it gets progressively darker than that. The line about being a phoenix mending all her own gashes has always jumped out at me, because it connotes her dealing with blow after blow by herself, having to put herself back together each time, the onslaught relentless even if she ultimately overcomes. Yet it’s him who tears her apart for good. The image it paints is of a person continually facing her own struggles on her own, dealing with the fallout like a lone wolf (sorry for the continued animal allusions?), but whatever it is that the subject he does breaks her worse than the thousand cuts she’s experienced before. Even here, the idea is of a person who shoulders her burdens by herself and being praised for it (something something when I used to fight you’d tell me I was brave etc. Even though I know that’s an entirely different situation but it’s also not) or at least being expected to do it, but the subject’s actions — or lack thereof— cut deeper than any of those lonesome fights. She keeps fighting for herself, trying to grow from the hurt, but his “blow” threatens to undo it all in one fell swoop.

Of course, as the song continues, the story expands and becomes one about miscommunication and apathy. I’m not one to believe that every single line in Taylor’s songs is literal; she’s a master at metaphors and scene setup, so as much as some commentary interprets the line about glaring and sending signals as literal and therefore putting the onus on her for not communicating effectively and expecting the person to be a mind reader, I feel like this is where her affinity for being flowery paints a far sadder picture.

She glared at him with storms in her eyes could mean she’s acting pissed but not saying why, but it could just as easily be a metaphor for sharing anger/upset with your partner who refuses to acknowledge its weight. (How can you say that you love someone you can’t tell is dyin’ when it’s right in front of you?) I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick could be seen as again not saying what’s wrong and expecting him to pick up on her behaviour, but I also feel it’s an instance where her penchant for emotive language is at play: it’s not that she expected him to read her mind, it’s that she tried every way she could and he still didn’t care. The signals could be that like a lighthouse in a storm: clear and guiding, but dangerous if ignored. She told him in all the ways she could, literal, emotional and physical, that she was wasting away, but he wouldn’t take it seriously. It once again details the experience of a person living through this tragedy completely on her own, whose pain is dismissed at every turn.

Which brings us to, “My face was gray but you wouldn’t admit that we were sick.” It could mean, she was making herself ill and he ignored the reasons why, but as I mentioned in my post earlier, death hangs over the entire song. (There’s a larger essay to be written about that theme alone.) To me, it’s not just that she’s grey because she’s ill, her face is grey because she’s (metaphorically) dead. She’s already died (or the relationship is dead) before he’s even admitted there was anything wrong to fix. She alone is sitting with this realization.

As the song continues, the loneliness with the burden of this knowledge shifts to the loneliness of everything she feels she’s done or felt that’s been ignored or dismissed.

My pain is an imposition. (On you.) I gave you all my best me’s. (And I didn’t get yours in return.) I bled and tried to be the bravest soldier only in your army frontlines. (But you didn’t fight in mine when I needed you.) I’m the best thing at this party. (But you’d never acknowledge I exist.)

By the time she gets to the end of the bridge, she’s fading fast but even as she’s losing the battle, she’s still imploring him to fight for her and them in a last-ditch effort. Show me you’re still with me. But she never gets that answer, because ultimately they’ve lost the pulse, and her heart has stopped. While the song begins with them fundamentally misunderstanding each other, it ends with her confirming her fears in the opening: there is no more we, but there is no more her either. She’s gone, all alone, without anyone there to see it.

In spite of the fact that the song is super catchy and uptempo, with a characteristic banger bridge that is fueled by anger and seeping with resentment, “You’re Losing Me,” is incredibly sad and kind of morose. It leaves such an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, which I imagine is only a fraction of the feeling of the person experiencing the story is.

[dionesdelusions]

I feel called out 😭😭