#not like fyodor would ever allow that to happen but I really want to!!

[honeydazai]

ok ok but hubby Fyodor gave me an idea, he’s figured out i get worried when his anemia gets bad so i fuss over him

imagine like,,, him using that against u. like if he’s losing an argument, or he just wants attention, he fakes sickness to get u to drop everything ur doing and come to his aid, u immediately feel bad so he uses that to manipulate u

feat.: Fyodor / reader

content: husband Fyodor, some manipulation but it's cute, Fyodor pretending to be a pathetic meow meow, fluff, sick fic

Fyodor is fragile, that much you're aware of.

Despite his quick mind, so sharp you reckon it could cut diamond, and his powerful ability, his physical body is still frail. His skin is pale, most likely since he spends too much time inside, hunched over in front of his many PC screens, providing him with no light other than the gloom of LED monitors, thin fingers tip-tapping away on the keyboard. His undereye circles are dark enough for you to seriously worry about his health, and the many blue veins visible on thin eyelids only make him appear more sickly.

The anemia doesn't help, either; thin lips occasionally turn whiteish the longer he insists he's going to take his iron supplements once he's done with work — when is he, ever? — and his nails, kept short not only for the sake of being able to play the cello, but also since he continued biting at them, are coloured blue so often you have almost forgotten what they usually look like.

Fyodor, despite being an internationally wanted terrorist, is fragile, and that's exactly why you're unable to stop the way your chest suddenly aches with concern when he goes quiet mid-argument, gaze unfocused, glassy, as he sits down on the bed.

This really isn't the time to worry about him, especially since, just a few moments ago, you were snarling at him, obviously angered for a reason that seems entirely unimportant right now — and yet you can't help it either, your concern an emotion that blooms in your chest so very naturally, given just how much he means to you.

“Are you alright?” The words leave your mouth before you know it; your brows furrowing as you kneel down next to him, one hand on his thin upper arm. Even through the fabric of his shirt, his skin is cold. “Do you need anything?”

“I'm quite alright, dear. I would hate to bother you, especially when you still seem to harbour disdain for me.”

Even his voice sounds frail. Guilt gnaws at your every bone.

“That's not—”, you protest, a feeble attempt, though you're quick to swallow the urge to start another argument down the moment he rests his head against the wall, eyes fluttering shut, ebony lashes against snow pale skin. “I don't 'harbour disdain' . I didn't even want to fight with you, it just — happened, but that's not important now. Let me help. Did you take your meds today?”

“Not yet, I'm afraid”, Fyodor says softly, and you're up on your feet almost immediately, making your way towards the kitchen to snag the offending pills, as well as a glass of water.

“You know you're supposed to take them daily with lunch.”

“That is merely to avoid forgetting them, to build a habit. The presence or absence of sustenance has no actual effect on them.”

Your eyes narrow. Fyodor allows a tired chuckle to leave his lips.

“Alright. I will try to take them regularly — for you, dear.”

Where, just a few minutes ago, you felt the urge to slap him with wrath — not that you ever would, not that you'd dare to, but the desire certainly is there whenever he acts all high and mighty, all-knowing, even around you —, your chest now tingles with warmth, with fondness. With love.

“Thank you. Are you feeling better already?” That's to be doubted, especially since he only took the pills a moment ago. Still— “Do you need anything? Maybe something to eat — yes, I bet you haven't eaten anything in a while now, too focused on work. You're impossible. Just lie down and give me a moment, I'll be right back.”

With those words, you vanish into the kitchen, already grabbing some vegetables. A quick soup is going to have to do.

Little do you know that, while you're busy worrying and fussing over him, there's a smile playing over Fyodor's lips ever so often, vanishing the moment you enter the room once more.

You really are too easy — though that's exactly what makes you quite this lovable.

OH. Oh, he would.. he so would... this is the most in character take ever...

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[oikasugayama]

How would the BSD men react to you wanting to paint their nails (alignment chart 🙏)

Love it/hate it

Let you/wouldn't let you maybe?

sorry for the wait, but thank you for this request! i needed something silly and fluffy to do <3

When you ask him if you can paint his nails, he gives you a weird look and asks "why?" You respond "just because" or "it'd be cute" and he thinks about it for a moment--maybe needs some convincing--but allows you to.

Jouno (doesn't understand the point--he can't even see it--but you tell him you want to practice and you'll make it super neat and in a lovely shade of red to match his uniform, so he agrees), Akutagawa (needs only your pouting puppy dog face to agree; he acts like he sits begrudgingly, but you see him admirning his black nails for the next few days, and when they chip he tells you he needs a touch-up), Oda (says you can practice on yourself, can't you? but when you say you just wanna see him in nail polish, he says alright, alright, but it has to be something fairly neutral), Sigma (doesn't really have a concept of nails being a decorative thing, so he doesn't even consider paitning them until you ask; he lets you and actually quite likes the soft tone of purple that matches his hair), Ango (sighs and says no, but you press him for a reason why and he can't necessarily come up with one, so when you promise to remove it if he doesn't like it, he allows you, but honestly he doesn't hate it), Fukuzawa (has to think about it for a few moments, but when you ask if he's ever painted his nails he says "no, so I suppose it wouldn't hurt to try").

When you ask, he either perks up and says yes right away, or after you convince him he becomes really interested.

Nikolai (says YES, and digs through your polish to pick what color he wants), Junichiro (says okay!! :D and asks for a simple black because he's always liked the idea of painting his nails), Poe (realizes he'll get to hold your hand and says yes, and then he actually really likes having his nails black), Atsushi (asks if you really want to do that for him, and is very happy when you enthusiastically says yes!; he also picks out which color he wants and is happy to hold your hands), Tetcho (allows you but only if it's black, and then he quite likes it and how it makes his hands look (and he wants you to match your nails to his)), Dazai (excitedly says yes and picks out an obnoxious pink and shows everyone his lovely nails that his girlfriend did for him), Chuuya (thinks it over, glances through your collection, then allows you to paint his nails black or deep red because it would look cool), Tachihara (similar to Chuuya, thinks about it and looks through your colors then lets you do something dark and moody), Bram (is fascinated by the body-safe paint and lets you paint his nails because it's a fun addition to his outfit; he goes for a deep red or a dark dark purple).

You ask him, and though he seems interested, he ultimately won't let you.

Mori (can't let his subordinates see him like that, and also if he were to need to perform surgery on someone if there were some insane incident it wouldn't be medically sterile for his nails to be painted, or something like that he says), Mushitaro (is willing to let you until he inspects your own nails and sees how messy they are, then he changes his mind because he doesn't want them messy -.-).

You ask him, and he grimaces and says no, for a variety of reasons.

Kunikida (could be convinced if you really, really, really wanted to, but he doesn't want to deal with the paint chipping and the upkeep it would require if he let it happen and ended up liking it), Ranpo (eats with his fingers so often that he absolutely refuses to let you paint his nails because he's heard you complain about the taste/smell of nail polish), Fyodor (lowkey has "traditional values" on some random things and thinks nail polish isn't for him, but also he bites his nails and if he tastes that polish he'll be disgusted), Fukuchi (straight up says no, that's for girls, he's a man and not interested, and also he has shitty beat up nails anyway).

[onelocket]

hihii!

this is my first request ever, but I really love the way you write abt fyodor! I would love to request more of fyodor as a high school lover, not necessarily w a selective mute reader, just high school fluff!!

I hope you do well on your exams, good luck, and take care! ♡

hello anon! i’m flattered to be the blog you first request :0 thank you so much for liking how i write him, it makes me happy to hear it ^_^! i’m so sorry this one took a while, but thank you for requesting ♡

my only love Fyodor D. x reader

involves -- high school au. for more click here, here & here

headcanons

His dedication to studying makes you a little jealous

But who even admits that sort of thing? It's embarrassing, and it makes you seem selfish. Not to Fyodor though. Since he's a really smart guy, he can also read your emotions. Whenever he just sees you sulking as you sit beside him — head turned away from him on his desk rather than nagging him to stop studying since you two were supposed to hang out right now in his home, he'd find it so adorable.

“Is it the door you're pretending to look at or are you just sulking?” Fyodor questions you suddenly, earning you to turn your head around and up to stop being so lazily pressed on your arm.

“Huh? I- I was just zoning out.” You mutter with pink painting your cheeks, him laughing at the sight. “You can't be jealous over paper, are you?” He asks.

“Say that again and I'll hug you tight!”

— But instead of being quiet, your lover usually takes the dares you spew out every time the conversation follows that path. With your pride do you end up sitting on him, but it does end well as Fyodor doesn't mind your warmth surrounding him. You had your arms around his back with your head resting on his shoulder, Fyodor a little closer to the table now so the gap you might leave was gone; allowing you to sit properly, and feel safer too. Silence mostly happens after these jokes, but it was a comforting one with each other in ones embrace. So maybe your 'jealousy to paper' can be a good thing sometimes.

Studying together in tea shops

first, Fyodor was a little hesitant to your idea. Not that he doesn't want to spend time with you — in fact he'd spend hours with you on the weekends if you simply said please, but he found the idea of a tea shop study date... unideal. Why was this? For a man so intelligent for his hard-work, the reason was simple.

“No, milaya. If that was right, then this part of the solution would be unnecessary.” Fyodor whispers with his head still turned to you. He couldn't meet your eyes however, all focused on the paper you had just written on.

“Oh. I see.. so I have to reconsider this part with the base of that section?” You ask, almost nudging your own beverage as you reach out for the eraser. Strands of your hair would fall on your pretty face as your fingers tighten its grip on your pen, the light illuminating from the window in front of you two accentuating your features.

“...Mhm.” Was all he could say.

You were just so distracting, it makes even the most focused of individuals focus on you instead. Exhibit A, your lover himself.

Questions can still be a remedy for overthinking, you know?

There can be times where you'd feel a little overwhelmed in school. Face it — you downgrade your smarts more than you'd like to believe in them. And while it's good not to be so cocky, it's also good to believe in yourself. Yet you sometimes fail in doing that. But it's okay, since you have your loving boyfriend to help you in his own way.

“That's an easy question!” You giggle out with a smile, all sitting down on Fyodor's lap as he sat on your couch, eyes on you. “The answer is simply no, because a vertical line rises up, not sideways like it claims.”

“...That is correct.” Fyodor chuckles out, pressing a kiss on your cheek. “The statement would be invalid then. Good job, (Name).”

He asks you easy, simple questions. Of course, not 1 + 1 or 2 +2, but rather scenarios or situations that require your overthinking brain to focus on thinking upon the factors given so you can instead itch out answers that were right. They weren't hard, yet by the end of the day do they make you feel a lot more smarter. Because you already were, and he was just making you remember that with questions he knew you'd know.

Borrowed clothing in school

Cardigans are a common thing in schools. Every gender can wear one, for not only does it look cute — it also warms up a student if they feel cold. And who else do we know who hates feeling cold? Your lover. But he's not one for bringing a cardigan to school, surprisingly.

“Fedya, I already told you to bring one.” You sigh out, frowning a little as you see him simply wearing your schools uniform. “It's going to get colder nowadays, do you not own one?”

“I do, but it is unnecessary in my opinion.” He replies, closing his textbook on his desk. “I assure you I'm alright, milaya- ..?”

But you don't believe them so easily. You end up wrapping your own cardigans around Fyodor each circumstance where he doesn't bring one during windy atmospheres and you've started to wonder if he's doing this on purpose. He barely returns your cardigans, only doing so when you ask for it. But maybe he also likes borrowing your clothing... so sometimes you don't mention it. The thought of him washing your clothes kept you awake and blushing at night too.

“I need your attention right now. Let me indulge.”

Neither of you always get to hang out at the others home, so it feels a little lacking majority of the time. Sure weekends were there, but you both also had things to sort out yourselves. So whenever you two do hang out are times you both need to savor a lot. Well, unless he breaks one rule or two. Namely in school.

“Mm? But isn't a program about to start at the gym?” You mumble quietly as students were already making their way to said area, your lover watching the walking people with the corner of his eye as he kept you hidden, pinning you against a wall that was near the rooftop staircase.

“You're right.” He whispers only when nobody was near, looking back at you. He leans in to suddenly start pressing hurried, almost needy kisses on your cheeks, making you melt a little and hold onto him. “F-Fedya, you're gonna end up missing the program...”

“It doesn't bother me. Move away if you don't like this.”

Which is his own translation of asking for your affection. Even if the situation was risky. But would you deny it either?

Your discreet, comforting fan

Sometimes, presenting in class — or even in front of the whole school can feel really scary for you. You knew that if it was done it'd be away from your problems, but you still find yourself shaking and probably even crying from the thought of speaking in front of so many people. Whenever you end up crying after just succeeding in your own part however, there's only one student in the crowd who will bring you somewhere else and make you feel better.

“You did so well,” He whispers in your ear as he continues to press soft kisses on your skin, trying to soothe you down with his words and touch. “I'm very proud of you, milaya. It's okay now.”

“I'm sorry..” You stifle out as you rub one of your eyes, Fyodor momentarily pausing to look down at you with his hand on your cheek. “You're going to miss the other reporters... just because of me.”

“And why does that matter? When it comes to a crowd, I'm only a fan to you and will treat you as my priority.”

And he always manages to fix that teary look in your eyes. Just give him a quiet, secluded place in the school for you and he'll pamper you with what he can.

⚘

p.s to the lovely anon who requested this (or you, too!), i actually made a fic about highschool fyodor x reader, but i did not use that because you just asked for fluff, meanwhile that fic had a whole plot. >_< if you want to read it, you can check it out on my profile or simply click here!

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Dazai truly has become Oda in every way imaginable now. :’ ) the final words he gives to Sigma are the exact same words Oda gives to Dazai in the original scene Asagiri wrote for the end of the Dark Era stage play, 後は頼んだよ, “I will leave the rest to you.”

And I really love the progression of the way his eyes look in this chapter, and how Sigma is allowed to have this moment of questioning and rebelling against all the faith Dazai had naturally been leading him to place in him up to this point, which is what I hoped would happen. He’s been confused ever since Dazai first chose him, and everything he’s ever known about how everyone sees/treats him turned upside down by Dazai’s words and actions, and just when he’s finally started to feel like he’s found some hope and lowered his guard, Dazai pulls him back underwater, instantly reinforcing all of Sigma’s trust issues and reinforcing that he should never believe in anyone, because (he thinks) everyone lives to manipulate other people. Dazai’s dark eyes here reinforce that, too, and the other panels around this point where they look white and hollow and demonic, all like Fyodor’s. He appears like an evil, looming force pulling him back under, trying to kill him, when Sigma is so close to the freedom of the air he desperately wants (aka free from pain, which is what he’s been seeking his whole life).

But then Dazai makes this face, and the first one I posted above, and Sigma understands, even without words, that Dazai doesn’t have evil intent: on the contrary, he actually is bound and determined to save his life -- and the light in his eyes comes out through this determination and kindness, arguably the most light we’ve ever seen his eyes have in the entire manga (in the “I leave the rest to you” panel too). The “No” could be Dazai wordlessly telling him to not leave the water, but my first assumption was that it was Sigma telling himself no, stopping his own train of thought about Dazai being the same as Fyodor and someone he shouldn’t have trusted -- he soon realizes why Dazai stopped him, and that he’s still going to try to save him, that he wasn’t wrong about him, and it’s all because Dazai’s earnest expressions get through to him.

And it’s just so heartwarming to see how far Dazai has come. :’ ) He tried so hard to save Sigma (doing the most physical action we’ve ever seen him do, really), did his best to be reassuring and comforting to him afterwards, and then reaffirmed his promise to ensure he escaped Meursault alive, his final words to Sigma echoing Oda’s and his last action being to save an orphan, just like Oda did in his last moments. Obviously Dazai isn’t actually going to die, he’ll be saved somehow, but I do think as of right now he really does think this is the end for him, and that he didn’t foresee the elevator dropping -- he was examining the wires a few chapters ago because he thought he might need to know how to open the doors in case Fyodor pulled an uno reverse, hence why he looks more annoyed than shocked when the water starts, but here, when the drop collision sequence is initiated, he looks genuinely shook in comparison. There’d be no reason for him to give the thumbs up if he knew more danger was on the way, either; that’d just be cruel. No, I don’t think he saw this coming, and it’s important that that turns out to be the case: it’s important that he spent what he believes to have been his last moments saving someone like Oda wanted for him, and doing what Oda would have done in the same situation. That doesn’t mean that it’s okay that Dazai throws his life away so easily, and cares so little for his own safety; he still has a long way to go in that regard. But it’s still so beautiful to see how much he’s changed, and how much he’s truly begun to embody Oda and his legacy; the fact that he messed up and miscalculated, because Dazai isn’t infallible, but in turn didn’t hesitate to use his last moments to save Sigma. Oda would be so proud for everything he did here. :’ ) 💖

There are a lot of options for how Dazai will be saved, and by who, but personally I hope (and I kind of expect) that Sigma chooses to not give up on him and ultimately plays a role in saving his life, to return the favor and repay him for his kindness. Not only would it be a beautiful way to initiate Sigma’s ADA entrance exam as people have said, but it would bring the Dazai > Atsushi > Sigma chain full circle: Dazai saved Atsushi at the start of the series, allowing him to (spiritually) save Sigma at sky casino thanks to the growth fostered in him by Dazai, and now finally, Sigma could potentially save Dazai thanks to Atsushi kickstarting his own growth (and Dazai continuing it). Fyodor is overly cocky right now and so tunnel-visioned on killing Dazai, it’s possible that he has no idea that Sigma managed to escape the elevator and is now a wild card; even if Sigma doesn’t go as far as killing Fyodor himself (which I don’t want, tbh; that’s endgame stuff arcs down the line and imo Nikolai and Dazai should be the ones involved with that), he could throw a wrench in the jailbreak duel, and help Dazai and Chuuya get out alive. It would be poetic, and only fitting, for Fyodor to underestimate and be outdone by the kind of person Dazai told him is the strongest in chapter 77 -- a self-proclaimed “ordinary man” -- who could only have the strength to take such action thanks to the chain of kindness that Oda originally started. 💖

[elkieanddoppo]

guys, i just had the greatest fyokuni idea

second gen azure king kunikida who was recruited into doa by fyodor bc he found him interesting and pretty. kunikida requested for him to be a part of his plan. fyodor (whos super down bad for him) allowed him and told him to infiltrate ada to watch them (bc he somehow knows that atsushi, the key to the book, will join in the future)

traitor kunikida where he convinced himself that he was an idealistic and 'on the good side' kinda person so ranpo couldnt figure him out. ranpo had suspicions but he shrugged it off because kunikida proved himself to be the one who has the most uhh morally white perspective (i forgot what it's called) (i mean he is but he only ever wants to protect those people who are worthy of his protection)

and then ch 117 happens, but kunikida didnt actually disintegrate. it was an illusion.

sometime later after they 'defeated' fyodor, a funeral was held for all the people that died. one of those was kunikida's.

but unbeknownst to all of them, fyodor was watching from a nearby rooftop.

"youre dead?"

beside him was kunikida doppo, who replied: "a shame that my part in all these is done, really."

"of course it is, darling. you've done enough. i wouldn't want you hurt anymore."

"hm, then i'll resume with the azure king business. do you think nikolai would help me?"

"of course he will, he likes you more than me. that itself is surprising because he always expressed his 'admiration' towards me."

"ha, you call that admiration? then what do you call what you have towards me?" kunikida asked even though he knows the answer

"love, darling. i love you."

kunikida smirked, stood up and tilted fyodor's chin (with his finger) to make him look up at him.

"i love you too, dear."

and they kissed.

[herehavesomeheadcanons]

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… 12 Random Headcanons!

Rock Lee

💚🥋He gives the BEST gifts! Lee might seem a little absent-minded, but he’s actually a lot more observant than people give him credit for, and he cares a lot for his friends!

Snow Lily

💖🦋He owns a sexy santa outfit. He tries to wear it to the Christmas party every year, and Misono hits him with whatever he has on hand.

Mepphy

💖😈He is not allowed in the kitchen. Ever. One year he tried to make you a Christmas dinner. It was inedible.

Fyodor Dostoevsky

🖤🐀He takes everything at a slow and steady pace. He plays it off as confidence, ya know, making the world wait up for him; but it’s actually just because he has anemia and can’t do anything too athletic. Nikolai convinced him to try a snowball fight once and he fainted within five minutes.

Tamaki Amajiki

💙🐱If you were to cuddle under a blanket and drink hot chocolate with him, he would really like that. Tamaki doesn’t really want to go out and do things, he just wants to be cozy at home.

Tsubaki

🖤🦊He’s addicted to holiday scented candles. He always buys a ton around the holidays to stock up for the rest of the year. He would absolutely love it if you would buy him some holiday candles!

Mr. Compress

🧡🪄He’s a riot, honestly. He loves to pull mistletoe out of (seemingly) thin air and hold it above your head.

Freed Justine

❤️🎄One year, before you were together, Bickslow tied Freed to a chair and put him under the tree for you. He tied a bow over Freed’s mouth to keep him quiet. It was a very interesting thing to wake up to!

Gregory Violet

🖤💜He is such a stickler for Christmas traditions, it’s honestly kind of annoying. He’s the kind of man who will drag you to see The Nutcracker every year. Even when you’re bored to death and falling asleep on his shoulder!

Ryuunosuke Akutagawa

🖤‼️One year, once he trusted you enough to give you a bit of freedom, you plotted with Chuuya to make that Christmas something special. You relayed your idea, and Chuuya set it in motion. The short, angry ginger tracked down Dazai and forced him at gunpoint to send Aku a Christmas present! Seeing Aku’s face light up at the unexpected gift was well worth the trouble it took to corner the suicidal maniac!

Edward Elric

🦾🦿He won’t drink hot chocoalte unless it’s made with water. Yes, I know, that’s gross and weird, but he swears on his life he can still taste the milk when it’s made with milk.

Macbeth

🤍🖤He falls asleep during Christmas movies. Every time. Within minutes of sitting down, he’s snoring lightly on your shoulder, chest, or lap (wherever he happens to fall). Hey, at least his sleeping face is adorable!

[astolfofo]

POSTING UNFINISHED SHIT PART 2.

For context; this is a part of a Yandere Ango fic that I was gonna write, but I didn't finish. Why? Because shit happened lmao. Basically the AU is based on the theory of Fyodor needing to destroy Yokohama for the book. And he did. All ability users lost their abilities, and many of them died. Ango, being one of the few that survived the incident. So yokohama is now a barren wasteland.

TW: nothing much actually, there's kind of implied survivor's guilt, implied mental torture if you squint.

You used to be able to use your ability, as naturally as someone was able to raise their arm. You felt like it was a piece of you, almost like an arm or a limb that a part of your body. Almost like it was a fundamental part of your being. And if it was lost, you’d never be the same. 

Yet that limb was amputated. And you were so blissfully unaware and clueless, you felt nothing as it was served off your body, that you had only realized now, what had happened since then. The pieces of the puzzle completely lined together now that you thought about it, and you felt… so stupid, for not realizing this sooner. 

Your mind seemingly clicked everything together now, as you sat, held captive against your own will, inside this… prison, or so it seemed. The walls were completely white, the tables were white, it almost looked like one of those interrogation rooms criminals were held in to be tourtured in, with the straight jackets and all. But for you, it wasn’t like that. You were half bare. Only wearing a t-shirt, and shorts, that were completely white, matching the colour of this room. Your body was freezing, and you felt as if you were going mad. Hell, you couldn’t even stand, since your ankle was tied to the chair with a handcuff. You had lost track of the time you had been here, and you… you didn’t really want to know how long you were here for. It wasn’t of your best interest to know you had been left here to rot for an indefinete amout of time. 

For times like these, it was better to let your mind sink into its own thoughts, and make up its own imaginations of why you were here. You thought about everything that had happened up until this point. Your childhood, your university life, your job. You shuddered at the thought. It was obviously your job that had landed you here, wasn’t it? A signed discreet contract that often required you to risk your entire life and credit, for a lackluster pay. And when you were assigned to go to Yokohama, you thought it would be an easy job: it was simply to spy on the government and take as much data, through any means as you could. Especially on the gifted of this state. You didn’t expect it, one day to end like this: imprisoned, and most likely being sentenced to a near lifelong sentence. It didn’t take much to figure out who had eveutnally caught you, and put you here too. 

Ango Sakaguchi. The government worker you had the misfortune of… engaging with. It was true, you had lied about everything you did to him, and it wasn’t like he had a track record of you either, since you weren’t even from Japan. You were from the west, with a completely dataless profile, and no identity whatsoever. All your passports, name, social security number, profession, were all fake. They were made up. And indeed, you felt extreme amounts of guilt manipulating, and using Ango to get the data you needed. After all, you were aware of how much he truly loved you. 

And you were never able to love him back.

You shook your head. No, you didn’t have a choice. It was your job. It was against the very nature of that job to develop emotional attachments to rival nations, otherwise you would never be able to be successful. But still, it didn’t mean that you weren’t allowed to feel guilt for everything you had ever done to Ango, who was truly convinced that you loved him too. You shuddered to imagine his very reaction, when you scrawled out that very half-assed letter, and left your engagement ring on top of the counter, explaining the truth: well, it was the least he deserved, after everything you had ever done to him. And the guilt that gnawed, it consumed you alive, the entire time while you boarded the taxi, and went on the plane to go back home. Obviously, you were aware you would always be punished for pulling something like that, but you never expected it to happen in this way. 

And at one point you managed to forget this too. You were expected to be excessively cruel, merciless, and as ruthless needed. However much, however much violence it took to get the job. However many people you needed to hurt in the process, it didn’t matter. But you didn’t want that. You were only ruthless as you needed to be. 

You shifted your position again, resting your head on your arms, and stare at the wall. “I’m a terrible person, aren’t I?” you mutter. “I’m sorry, Ango. I…” you break off. It was pointless, no words could ever fix the damage that had been done. The least you could hope was that Ango was more slack with your punishment. Not that that was going to happen. You’d expect him to go harder on you if anything. He didn’t really seem like the forgiving or forgetting type. 

Your voice echoes around the room, followed by radio silence. You sigh. It’s not like you were expecting anything anyways. Maybe you were just going insane as well, with the lack of sensory stimulation. Maybe you were just caving to… whatever this was. 

Oh well, whatever. You think to yourself. It’s not like I was expecting anything to happen. If I still had my ability, I would have left here a long time ago. Oh wait… that’s right. Abilities don’t exist anymore. 

Shortly after you left, Yokohama was destroyed, along with the majority of ability users inside of that city. A few days followed by that, all abilities perished, if not the user itself. You weren’t exactly sure how these two events were connected, but there was definitely a relationship, given that the majority of the gifted population resided in Yokohama. It was more populated with gifted, more than any other location in the west. Nowadays, the city stands as a ghost town that was only once was filled with life. From what you had heard, something similar to a nuclear bomb had been detonated, and the city crumbled. 

And you were shocked when you heard the news. It wasn’t anything new that Yokohama was famous for the number of gifted users present, at least from what you heard, but to think that… something unknown destroyed some of the most powerful and intelligent people in the world scared you. You needed to know what it was.

And curiosity got the best of you. You quit your job, and booked the next flight to Japan. Indeed, you were painstakingly aware about the fact this event had happened several years ago, and it was only disclosed to you now but… you didn’t care. You needed to go back there. Maybe it was out of guilt, maybe it was just your sick fascination with the place you had ended up developing a connection in. You weren’t sure what it was, but the urge to go see the aftermath was stronger than anything you had known. 

You had managed to get into the area with ease, there was little to no security. You wonder if doing this was a bad idea. Well, besides trespassing property, you didn’t know what caused the explosion. It geninuely looked like the remains of a nuclear wasteland. That was alarming to say the least. 

But you weren’t here to truly explore. You wanted to go to one place in particular: the place where you had first met Ango. Maybe part of you was hoping you’d find him there too, but you know that wasn’t likely. Nigh impossible. 

You walked past the familiar streets, that were somehow engrained into your memory at this point, despite the missing street signs and broken buildings, and you finally reached the office. The government office. The place where you first met Ango. 

You were hesitant. You wanted to go inside the building, but you also didn’t really want to do that. It was one of the remaining intact buildings despite the broken windows and paling bricks. You push the door open. It’s empty. 

You feel scared. You’re not sure why. Almost if you’re not alone, and you shouldn’t be here. But that was just your brain trying to reason with your conscience… right? You didn’t want to believe otherwise.

You keep going. There’s nothing good that will come from going to the end of the hall, on the ground floor. There’s nothing good that will come out of walking up those stairs to go to Ango’s room. But you can’t help yourself. You never were. In the moments after you left, you wondered what Ango felt. Betrayal? Rage? Disappointment? You can’t say for sure, you were never there. 

You reach the desginated floor, and turn left again, exiting the staircase. It’s so empty here. The last time you were here, it was filled with people, constant phones ringing, and the sound of the printer going. Now, it’s just eerie. The large glass panel still stands, letting light in, and the hallway remains intact with most of the inside of the building being preserved. But it’s empty. It’s not the same anymore.

And it’s never gonna be filled with people anymore. 

Why was that so disappointing to realize? You wonder to yourself. Did you really miss this place that much? What was there even to long for? You always told yourself that you never truly loved ango, and it was solely for the purpose of your job that you married him, but were you wrong? 

Indeed, ango did treat you like a human being, a lot more than many people could say as they did to you. But you can’t have fallen in love that easily. You’re better than that. Plus, for all you know Ango may have lied to you as well. Not just in one way.

You walked towards the other end of the hall, cloudy daylight filled both ends of the hallway, making whatever predicament you were in more gloomy than needed. Your shoes echo in the hallway, despite the floor being carpeted.

It doesn’t matter why you wanted to come here anyways, you think to yourself. You’ll just say a proper apology and goodbye, and leave again. It’s not like Ango’s here anymore. For all you know, he might be dead, given he is an ability user himself.

Just put it to an end, you tell yourself. Put it in the past, and move on. That’s all you can do now. It can’t be helped.  It’s a gone situation. You’re alone. And it’ll always be that way. 

You open the door to his office, one last time. You tell yourself it’s okay. You tell yourself that you need to forgive yourself even if he doesn’t forgive you. You know he’s also guilty of betrayal, he’s mentioned it before. Yet it should be proper courtesy to apologize and say goodbye like this. Even if it wasn’t to him in person, it was a gesture. 

[olympiansally]

I know the most likely outcome with Fyolai next episode is the whole “the antidote was the poison all along” switcheroo, but personally, I would love to see Fyodor undone by his own over planning.

Nikolai has been pretty straightforward and honest so far about his feelings for Fyodor and his motivations for wanting him dead, so even thought I doubt something like this could actually happen, I think a more beautifully tragic ending for them would be for Nikolai to be telling the truth, but for Fyodor to be incapable of trusting his intentions.

Think about it, Nikolai, happy to get what he wanted but didn’t allow himself to want — finally able to have Fyodor is his life without feeling trapped by it because he let go and left it to chance and Fyodor won anyway — giving Fyodor the antidote only for Fyodor to refuse to take it.

Fyodor’s undoing should be thinking that he knows better and doubting that someone who truly wants something would ever leave it to chance, doubting Nikolai’s plan is actually just what he said it was, no additional hidden motivations or manipulations, but truly and actually just letting it unfold as he told them all he would.

Because while Nikolai does want his freedom, he has also been very open about being fond of Fyodor. It’s why he wants him gone in the first place.

To have them both get everything they wanted only to lose it at the last second, for Nikolai to realize there is no freedom, because even if he lets go of what he feels and leaves it to chance and Fyodor wins and everything works out perfectly, then there are still Fyodor’s feelings and those are the feelings of someone used to scheming and unwilling to trust, if Nikolai lets go only to be hurt anyway, I feel like that would be hauntingly beautiful.

Specially considering all the talk of bonds and trust that’s been brought up by this arc, this could all line up for a perfect tragedy.

Bsd doesn’t really do many permanent deaths, specially not when the characters have been with us for a while, but if Fyodor is supposed to be gone at the end of this arc, I think this might be a pretty devastating way to do it.

In all honesty, I don’t think it will go like this at all, but kind of want it to.

As someone who enjoys their dynamic for how twisted their reluctance to have affection makes them, I think it would be interesting to see that reluctance be what takes them out. If Nikolai could accept having Fyodor as a friend, the poison wouldn’t have been given to him in the first place and if Fyodor could accept that Nikolai is his friend in a deranged, but genuine way, then he would take the antidote.

As it is, they could destroy each other just by how they’ve been destroying themselves :’)

[snowdrrops]

LET'S GET MARRIED, DAZAI

feat. ! double black/soukoku summary ! 4 years after fyodor dies. peace is restored. chuuya hears from a few subordinates that dazai is planning to marry. he intervenes.

Office gossip was not something Chuuya showed interest in. However, as he was refilling his third cup of coffee on Tuesday morning, he couldn't help but overhear a conversation going on between a few employees.

It went something like this:

"What?! There's no way!"

"It's definitely true, one of my friends even saw him at an expensive jewellery store yesterday! He was probably buying a ring to propose."

A gasp. "Hang on- isn't he turning twenty six this year? Does he really want to get engaged this young?"

A different voice joined the conversation. "I heard some of the seniors say that he used to be an executive here, and he was the youngest of 'em all!"

"Can't believe he turned his back on us, and joined that detective agency! Talk about a demotion."

Dazai was planning to get married? Which poor soul was going to suffer being proposed to by him? No, Chuuya couldn't allow something like this to happen to anyone in Yokohama. No matter what, he had to stop this! It was for the sake of the people! The moment the clock struck six, Chuuya was out of his office (unlike most days, in which he would stay overtime). He had a mission to fulfil, and he was going to get it done.

The trip to the Armed Detective Agency seemed to take longer than it usually did. The roaring of his motorcycle pierced through the tranquillity of the evening as he sped through the roads.

Upon his arrival at the agency, Chuuya saw what he needed to stop. A young brunette lady stood outside with one of her hands hiding her flustered face from Dazai, who was on one knee. Chuuya started storming towards them whilst trying to convince himself that he was just being a patriotic citizen of Yokohama and by extension, the whole of Japan. Whoever had the bad fortune of being in a romantic relationship with Dazai was going to suffer for the remainder of their lives.

Chuuya himself could testify to this. Seven years with that bastard and he was already experiencing the detrimental effects. His blood pressure had increased and he found his heart beating so wildly at times he thought it might burst!

"That was so convincing that I felt a bit flustered! You're doing great, Dazai. All this practice is certainly helping," the woman said, an approving smile on her face.

Chuuya halted abruptly in his steps.

Wait, what? Practice? He had been going at this multiple times? Exactly how many women was he planning on marrying?

"I've screwed up at many things in life and I really don't want this to be another one of those things," Dazai responded, getting up and wiping dust off his clothes.

"So, same spot again tomorrow?" the woman asked.

"I think I'm ready now," he responded, his gaze suddenly meeting Chuuya's. Of course the bastard would blatantly ignore his presence, what else was Chuuya expecting?

The woman had turned to him as well. Surprisingly, her eyes lit up, as if she had seen an old friend. "Chuuya, is it? Dazai has said so much about you!" She greeted him excitedly.

"Don't listen to anything that comes out of his mouth. It's all garbage," Chuuya replied.

She cocked her head to the side, puzzled. "He's only ever said good things-"

"Thank you for all your help today, Koharu," Dazai interrupted, rather loudly.

She bowed and gave him a smile. "Of course, see you when I see you, then."

Chuuya watched her retreating figure before turning back to Dazai.

"Who is she?"

Dazai raised his eyebrow. "Why do you want to know?"

"Do you plan to marry her?" was said with a tad bit more malice than Chuuya intended.

"I ask again, why do you want to know?"

"Don't I have a right to, as your ex-partner?"

Dazai seemed to consider this, "Hm, you have a point. I shall tell you then, that I have no intention of marrying her."

A surge of relief spread through Chuuya's being.

"I do, however, intend to marry someone else."

That horrible, bitter feeling was back in Chuuya's gut again.

Dazai smirked to himself, satisfied at Chuuya's reaction. "Shall I propose tonight?"

All that patriotism that had kept him going till this point was drained. Right now, Chuuya just wanted to head home and take a long, hot bath. "Do what you want."

"Why the long face, shorty? Just a second ago, you showed so much interest."

Chuuya wanted to kick him where it would hurt the most. "I don't care who you marry, Dazai. Gosh, why did I even come here?"

Dazai stepped closer to him. "I think I know why."

Chuuya blinked. Of course his annoyingly intelligent ex-partner could see through him like he was transparent. Chuuya wanted nothing more than to grab him by the shoulders and demand an answer, for he himself could not understand his own actions.

"You didn't want me to be married, did you?"

Chuuya pulled back almost violently, his eyes wide and jaw dropped.

Dazai snapped his fingers. "And the reason for that is because whether you want to admit it or not, you're jealous."

"Hey, I could get married if I wanted to, too!" Chuuya snapped back.

Dazai gave a loud sigh and shook his head. "You're not jealous of me having someone to marry. You're jealous because you don't want me to marry anyone but you."

Chuuya felt like the temperature had dropped fifty degrees. He froze in place and stood rooted to the ground, Dazai's words echoing in his head over and over again.

You're jealous because you don't want me to marry anyone but you.

He felt like a ten ton truck had ran over him when he gradually came to the realisation that Dazai was right. The dots were finally connecting. The relief when Dazai told him he wasn't marrying that woman. The sickening feeling that flooded his insides when he learnt that Dazai did have someone he wanted to marry. Chuuya was in love without even being aware of it.

And the very next feeling that he felt was his heart aching, because the chances of Dazai reciprocating these one-sided feelings he had been harbouring were exactly zero.

"Chuuyaaaa, are you there? I'd like to practise proposing just once more."

These feelings had to be eliminated immediately. But first, he had to act as if Dazai was wrong about this. He needed to be calm and collected. Chuuya put on the best poker face he could muster.

"Go on. I'll be sure to judge you harshly."

Dazai took one of Chuuya's hands in both of his and got down on one knee.

The sincerity in his eyes was like taking a stab to the chest; Dazai was serious about this person.

This person who most certainly was not Chuuya.

"Chuuya, will you marry me?"

Those words made Chuuya want to throw up, knowing that they were meant for someone else.

God, it hurt a lot worse than he thought it would.

"Good luck with the proposal, Dazai. I hope it goes well."

Dazai gave him a blank look before he let out a laugh.

"Thank you, shorty. But I've already proposed."

"Oh? Did it go well?"

Dazai gave him a smile. "That's up to you."

"Stop joking around. You didn't propose to me-"

Chuuya paused. Blinked once. Twice.

Just like his first realisation, he took a while to process this one as well. Oh.

All this time, he was the one Dazai wanted to marry.

"You really are slow for someone who's a Port Mafia executive. What I am trying to say is-"

"Yes."

"What?" Shock filtered into Dazai's expression.

"Let's get married, Dazai."

•    .             .               ✦

directory

[yeonban]

20, is there a ship you wanted to play, but couldn’t yet? 21, what’s something that immediately turns you off from shipping with someone?

SHIPPING QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN - SFW EDITION!

20. is there a ship you wanted to play, but couldn’t yet?

Tbh most of the time I don't really have any ships in mind when picking up a muse since canons typically fail to sell their dynamics to me, but there have been some dynamics over the years that I've loved and thought about rping only to never actually do! From the current muse list, I think this only applies to Nikolai's relationship with Fyodor, Soma's with Tsubasa, Subject Two's with Dottore, Kokichi's with Kasumi, Yeong-gi's with Shin-ae and Fukuchi's with Fukuzawa.

The thing is... to me ic development means SO much more than only canon scenes, so I'm incredibly picky with who I ship with. Plus sometimes a random ship sprouts out of nowhere via ic interactions that completely overrules the one I originally had in mind from canon & sometimes it even makes me ship the canon one less bc of how much I adore the new one from rp AGDSAJDSAJK which in turn makes the one from canon never happen on my blog bc my blog policy is pretty much strictly singleship for every muse (and I don't regret that at all! it allows me to pour my everything into the ship that does happen)

There's also the fact that some of these dynamics require a lot of development, and I mean a lot. It means plenty of time and effort put into making them happen since I heavily dislike just jumping into a ship only for the sake of having one (hence most of my ships being slowburn); it means having a good rapport with the mun behind the blog, and it also means overall being alright with making some compromises to ship with me (ex. being fine with my slow snail speeds; only shipping that muse with me; so on and so forth)!

21. what’s something that immediately turns you off from shipping with someone?

There are a few, but the first thing that comes to mind is blog hopping. I don't mean having a lot of blogs since I'm completely fine with that, but rather making a blog only to abandon it 3 days later for another muse and never use it again. I don't mind if that's the person's style, and I'm open to doing friendships or other dynamics! I just can't get myself to attempt a romantic dynamic when there's simply... no time for it to bloom?

Another thing is pushy behavior & "collectionism". I've had experiences in the past where people only wanted to interact to ship with me and they made that abundantly clear, and there have also been times where we had a ship going and the person decided to simultaneously start a ship with another portrayal of my muse without discussing it with me first, plus an experience where the second we stopped shipping they took the development we had and started from there with another portrayal which to this day makes me ??? Basically, if you want a ship only to say you've rped it and then add it to a collection... I'm not the person you're looking for!

There are more overall but as to not rant I'll only say 3 ahdasjdsjg the last one would be heavily implying a ship with me as if it's a given. Like I mentioned, I don't ship many things the fandoms do, and ngl most of the time I dislike the fandom favorites, so coming to me convinced that I want to ship that particular ship without ever asking me even once is just... a no.

[allisonlol]

May i request Fyodor x fem!reader ( when they on their period ) 😳 ? Add some nfsw is the best ಡ ͜ ʖ ಡ .I rlly love your words you writing cuz its easy to understand (for me). Ignore this is okay. Have a good day ( ╹▽╹ )

a/n: ur so sweet, i'm answering this SO LATE and feel rlly bad lol. i went and added other characters to compensate perhaps <3 this post ended up being super long lmao!! also don't ask me wtf happened in fyodor's part, y'all it's about to get nasty in a good way

warnings: fem reader, periods, blood, nsfw at the end of each!! i've partitioned the sfw & nsfw sections for those who wanna skip :)

(Fyodor, Dazai, Chuuya) When Their S/O is on Their Period [Sfw & Nsfw]

Fyodor

SFW

before you, this man had never felt the touch of a woman (or anyone) so his knowledge on periods is quite limited

knows what they are from a scientific standpoint, but not really a sympathetic one

therefore u have to teach him a few things lol

gets the hang of it after awhile and ends up taking decent care of you when the time of month comes around

fyodor tends to shut himself off in his office for most of the day, which obviously doesn't help you

so, he now allows you to curl up in his lap while he types away at his computer

but if i'm being completely honest, he gets lowkey annoyed from ur whining and will kick you out of his office after an hour（￣ー￣）

this is fyodor we are talking about, after all

for the most part, he is attentive and plays the role of a supporting bf

makes you tea, showers with you, plays with your hair to help you fall asleep when you're kept up from the pain

copes decently with your mood swings etc. usually if you'd ever spoken to him in a rude tone unprovoked, he would be aggravated to say the least (◡ ﹏◡) but tries to have more patience & understanding since he knows ur going thru it lol

NSFW

oh lord, where do i even start

so surprisingly, he was the one to suggest the idea of period sex first

but then...did not act on it? literally talked about it in DETAIL and then left you hanging

now, he did this on purpose tho. wants to see you desperate and begging for it, and you did

fyodor is a smart cookie so he knows that your hormones are all out of whack, and that you want nothing more than for him to help you out

however, it's only when you are begging him with tears of frustration in your eyes that he finally agrees

won't really comment on it but he's not a fan of the blood, and only uses it to degrade you

^will finger you but then stare blankly down at his blood covered hand, before roughly wiping it across your face

pace wise, fyodor will start off gentle and "caring" before quickly switching to rough and demeaning

rails you so hard there are blood splatters up both his torso and yours

the whole time he glares down at you with a look of disgust and almost contempt while you're practically crying from overstimulation

Dazai

SFW

LMAOO good luck

jk, he's not that bad. well...at first he was

but gradually dazai realizes that he can't tease you and be his usual annoying self when ur on your period

because you WILL burst into tears

after the fact... he is quite a doting boyfriend <3

probably asks yosano for advice tho LMAO

always stops at the store after work to pick up snacks for you or anything else you may need

but do NOT ask this mf to buy pads for you. because he WILL come home with like...diapers or some shit 💀💀

dazai still doesn't always grasp the concept of mood swings so when you snap at him or start crying he just looks at you like 0-0??

quickly learns to just agree with everything you say and NOT tease you as much during these times

ok but listen up. if you wanna use this to your advantage, just manipulate him into doing things for you by guilt tripping him <3

^ "ugh, i was supposed to run to the store but i'm in soooo much pain, i wonder who could do this for me instead..."

consider it payback for all the times he's made YOU run errands for his lazy ass

NSFW

actually refused for the longest time out of fear it would hurt you

^literally the ONLY time this man has ever said no to sex. would instead give u a head pat & say "you should rest instead :)"

ok well what if we don't want to, dazai? what then??

you'd ended up giving him a pretty good speech on why it is GOOD to have sex while on your period and how it can alleviate pain and then he's like (¬‿¬)

after you've convinced him of that, dazai is down for it whenever <3 but only when YOU initiate it first & make it clear that is what you want

relatively gentle; prefers to go slowly and focus on hitting all the right spots deep inside you

loves watching the relief on your face as the pleasure overcomes the pain you'd been feeling nonstop

doesn't really like seeing the blood get on him tho...? not cuz he thinks it's gross or anything, but rather cuz it's your blood and it would make him think he's hurting you or something,,,idk but either way it would make him spiral

^so yea, the only side effect of this is that y'all must keep the lights OFF

Chuuya

SFW

THE BEST ONE FOR THIS IN EVERY WAY

isn't super educated on it at first, but after getting into a relationship with you he put in the work to do some research

treats you like a mf queen!!! (albeit he already does...but it's even better during this time)

has a period tracker on his phone so he can prepare in advance

isn't afraid to buy pads for you...and he's smart about it too. actually knows which size and type to buy

^walks straight into the feminine hygiene aisle and you best believe that if anyone even looks at him funny for doing so, he's breaking their jaw

stocks up on your favorite snacks & carries them in his pockets so if you're ever out n about and need some, he'll already be tossing one your way

surprisingly, chuuya puts up well with your mood swings and tries his best to not get angry or argue back lol <3

sometimes he may forget and snap back with something rude, which of course sets you off more

but dw, he makes up for it afterwards by giving you snuggles

plus, who needs a heating pad when you can just have chuuya lay on top of you??

NSFW

ngl the first time you asked he looked at you like 🤨

but after seeing the way your face fell at his reaction, he sighs and goes "well i guess we could try..."

dw, he very much WANTS to, he's just another one that needs to be sold on the idea out of worry it will hurt you

all you had to say was "it helps with the pain-" before chuuya is agreeing & pulling you towards the bedroom

after the first time he becomes lowkey addicted to it tho??

^it's the way you melt into his every touch, your voice cracks from the overwhelming pleasure, you're so much more wet...

yeah, he'll never get tired of seeing you this way <3

if you're worried about his reaction to the blood and all that, don't be because i promise he does NOT care. it's a normal bodily function and chuuya is the last person to judge that

^lays towels down on the bed to cover the sheets. wouldn't really mind if blood got on the sheets tho (he's rich anyway, he'll just buy more??)

OH and btw...yes he still gives head when you're on your period <3 when i said this man does not care, i MEANT it

taglist: @deadmitochondria @miycutie @chuuyasboots @shy-socially-awkward-intovert @beandaifuku @stygianoir @sonder-paradise @irethepotato @serenareiss @ashthemadwriter @mrsdostoevsky @clovcly

[yandreamings]

RELATIONSHIP RED FLAGS IN BSD MEN…!

Inspired by this! Thank you for allowing me to take inspiration from your lovely work.

Content warnings: Abusive/toxic relationships, yandere, manipulation, generally terrible men, these are not healthy relationships.

Characters included: Dazai Osamu, Nakahara Chuuya, Nakajima Atsushi, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, Kunikida Doppo, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Nikolai Gogol, Sigma.

[DAZAI LIES TO YOU.] Where to start with this guy… really, he’s a walking red flag, isn’t he? Well, he’s handsome, he’s outgoing, and he’s funny, so what’s not to love? In your eyes, everything is perfectly fine- you have a normal, happy, caring boyfriend who would never do anything wrong. Guess what? False information! Dazai has lied to you from the day you first met. About his job, about his past, hell, even about his hobbies and favourite colour. He liked you from the beginning, and knew he didn’t want to let you slip away, so he has to do this. He’s so good at it that you’re none the wiser, too. You adore him and see him as the perfect partner, just what he wanted. People who actually know Dazai give you weird looks whenever you praise him so highly, but it doesn’t matter to you. You love him, and he loves you! So, what’ll happen when you’re confronted with the truth? When you realize your lover has blatantly lied to your face about nearly everything?

[CHUUYA IS POSSESSIVE.] If I were being honest, a relationship with Chuuya would be great. He’s caring, respectful, and knows how to treat you, so it’s wonderful! Except for the fact that he’s pulled a gun on every single other man who has tried to look at you. And shanked someone who was trying to hit on you at a bar. And never lets you out of his sight whenever you’re out with him. Or in general. So... maybe not that great. But can you blame him? He’s lost so much in his short life, knowing nothing but loss and pain, but then you come along! He doesn’t realize he has this issues, either- or maybe he just doesn’t care. He’s not going to stop anytime soon and he won’t let anyone touch what belongs to him. Chuuya spoils you rotten and makes sure you know that you’re loved, but can you deal with an iron grip on your waist and a harsh glare at anyone who dares to try and speak to you?

[ATSUSHI WORHIPS YOU LIKE A DEITY.] Poor, poor Atsushi... all he wants is for someone to love him, and how that he’s finally found you, his beloved, his most treasured person, he wants to make sure you know just how much he adores you. Some people don’t say I love you enough, but Atsushi says it a bit too much. It’s kind of cute at first, with all the gifts and his endearing, flushed cheeks as he tells you he loves you, but it doesn’t take long for things to go awry. At 5am sharp, he spams you with messages, ranging from ‘Good morning, have a good day today!’ to ‘Please text me back. Please. I miss you. I hope you’re okay. Please. I love you.’ You can’t catch a break with him, to be honest. He’s so in love with you that it creeps your friends out; some of them have told you that they catch him staring at you from behind a corner whenever you’re out with them. If you ever try to break up with him, prepare to be guilt-tripped by his wobbling lips and tears eyes. Don’t leave him- you can’t, you’d never do something like that, right? He loves you so much, don’t you see?

[AKUTAGAWA WANTS TO OWN YOU.] Akutagawa has no idea what he’s doing when it comes to dating and love. He knows he gets a weird, funny feeling in his chest whenever you touch him or smile at him, but he still doesn’t get it. And... why do you think you can talk to other men? Or other people? Is he not good enough? Sometimes, he swears that one day he’s just going to take you and keep you in his home for only him to see and talk to. Honestly, it doesn’t even strike him as something that’s wrong- you’re his, aren’t you? You swore to him that you’d never betray him or do anything so outrageous, so the best way to do that is take you as his own, permanently. He won’t care if you scream and cry and make a big fuss, he has his own ways of shutting you up, so do what you want. It won’t stop him.

[KUNIKIDA IS CONTROLLING.] Fork spotted in the kitchen, am I right? Kunikida is a man who knows what he wants when he wants it, and that pertains to you as well. You need to be awake at the same time as him, dressed to his standards, work hard at your job, eat according to his meal plans, and make time for dates, too. It get super exhausting super quickly, but if you bring it up, he makes it seem like you’re the bad guy here, that he’s just trying to help you be your best self, so you stay. He genuinely loves you and wants what’s best for you, so just let him do this, okay? He knows he can be hard on you (understatement), but it’s all in good faith. Also, make sure to brush your teeth better next time at 9pm sharp, long enough after dinner. He can see that you haven’t been doing it good enough lately. Don’t make him come and watch you.

[FYODOR THINKS YOU’RE INFERIOR TO HIM.] This is kind of a given, isn’t it? If you’ve managed to be manipulated into a relationship with Fyodor, congratulations! You’re going to develop the inferiority complex of the decade. It’s not that he tells you he thinks he’s better than you, it’s in his actions. If you go to a restaurant, he orders for you and doesn’t let you speak to the waiter; you might mess it up again! Come on, he can do it for you, don’t be silly. He picks out your clothes for you; no offense, but you’ve never had the best taste, darling, and he knows what you look good in anyway. He never listens to anything you have to say unless you’re telling him how much you love him or something similar. The way he likes you is at his beck and call, so if you’re not into being treated like a subhuman lover, then I’d run away if I were you.

[NIKOLAI NEVER TAKES YOU SERIOUSLY.] This dude takes the word clown to a whole new level when it comes to your relationship. It’s fun at first; all of your dates are exciting, he’s always got something up his sleeve to impress you, and he seems like a great guy (except for all the atrocities, but that’s for another day) for the most part. However, if you bring up a concern to him, relationship-related or not, he scoffs, brushes you off, and acts like nothing happened. That, or he ridicules you like nothing else. Even if you’re crying your eyes out, begging him to take something seriously, he only laughs, saying you look super cute when you’re crying. He’s quite sadistic, if you can’t tell, so he’ll probably add insult to injury and make fun of you if you push him further. 

[SIGMA ALWAYS TRIES TO APPEASE YOU.] Okay, this doesn’t sound so bad on the surface, but Sigma will not argue with you or have difficult conversations. Ever. You want to have a serious talk with him? Ah, he’s busy, but he’ll bring you home a gift after work! He did something you don’t like? Don’t get made, please, how about he takes you out to dinner? He’s avoidant to the core when it comes to you, only because he knows there are more experienced guys out there who know what they’re doing, and you could leave him for one of them any day, but especially if he says the wrong thing during an argument. So he just... doesn’t have them! Simple, right? Yeah, not so much. It’s all smiles and rainbows according to Sigma, and he outright refuses to listen to any separation or break talk. It’s just not necessary, you know? Why waste time getting angry when he could get you a shiny new necklace, or that outfit he knows you’ve been eyeing? Good luck with that attitude, buddy.

[thoughfullovercreator]

Hurt/ comfort

MINORS DNI

Steam

Fyodor Dostoyevsky x fem! reader

Trigger warning: angst (?), unhealthy relationship, implied intercourse.

This is +18 (minors don’t read this, go away).

_____________________________________________

__________________________________________

You dumped him.. what a shame really.

He was thinking amused.

All these moments spent together.. for you to dump him. What a bad joke.

Did you really think you can dump me like that ? I am the best partner she could ever have, she’ll find no one like me.

After another day of Fyodor working and not spearing you a glance, you got fed up pretty badly, quit the house, came back 3 days later to announce him you no longer wanted to be in a relationship with someone so uncaring like him. How would you be called a couple if sometimes he wouldn’t spare you a single glance in a period of three days ?!

If he loved me, he would take the time to pay some attention to me, his partner. Instead of that, he’s spending the whole day in front of his laptop, working. You thought.

So you took your things and left. Your pride would never let you stay like this. This wasn’t the kind of relationship you wanted and you were determined to move forward.

The problem is that Fyodor will not let you go. You’re his and his only, he hasn’t juged it necessary to end the relationship for such a trivial matter so he’s not willing to free you. Plus, he knew this was going to happen at some point, he’s far from stupid. He sensed you were tense as of late, your patience was running thin and he was upsetting you. Only, he decided to put his work first.

When you were peacefully at your new house you thought you were in secure and that he let go of you. That you were master of your life and choices and that you did well. Little did you know that a certain demon is just behind the entrance of your house waiting for the right moment before opening your door.

Fyodor has a certain crush on you, that’s precisely why he dated you in the first place. You were rebel, defiant, full of life and gracious, you were also ambitious, reasonable and strong. He wouldn’t accept letting someone else have you or even the idea of entering your shared bedroom and not finding you ready to cuddle him, is unacceptable. That’s why he’s here now, ready to jump on his prey.

He missed you so much, your smell, your skin, your .. everything. He craved having a hold of you again. All he wants now is to shove you in your shared apartment and chain you so you’ll never go away.

Suddenly he hears a laugh coming from the other side of the door.

You must be talking to your irking friends again..

Oh your sociability, you were enjoying too much the company of other people, you’re so open that people are naturally drawn to you. And he dislikes that , he hates the stares that you get from your guys friends, he hates when they monopolised you or when someone texts you late at night and you being so available for them. You should only be available for him.

He was jealous, possessive. He knew in his toxic mind that if he let you, a friend of yours would jump onto the occasion to get closer to you in hopes of being with you. And he’ll never allow such thing.

He was still waiting in front of the entrance of your new house. He waited for you to go take your night shower as you always do, so he could sneak inside the house without you noticing or trying to stop him.

He was carefully listening to what’s happening inside the house when he finally heard your footsteps, a door opening, then closing.

You finally went to take a shower. It was now time for him to enter.

Tik tik tik.. BINGO.

The bobby pin opened your door.

He silently entered the house, checked around and saw your clothes on the couch, those you just took off to go wash yourself.

He was finally smelling your sent.

Then, an idea popped in his head.

He slowly took his clothes off in order to avoid making any sound, then, casually made his way to your bathroom as if he was in his own house. He, very, very silently entered your bathroom.

Because of the sound of water falling, you couldn’t hear the door opening and closing and the fact you were facing the opposite direction of the door prevented you from seeing your « ex boyfriend » casually making his way to you with his usual smirk, only this time, his eyes were dark from the excitement of having you at his mercy not even one foot away from him. He didn’t waste any time before entering the Italian shower you were in and hugged you from behind, smelling you, touching you.. oh how he missed this. It’s been only two weeks since you dumped him, and still, he was craving you. He was never a dependent man and he’s still not one but let’s say.. he was smitten by you.

Feeling suddenly someone against you scared you to death, you jumped and trembled from fear, until you heard a certain voice behind you, whispering you to calm down and kissing your skin.

- « Calm down it’s just me. » He said

You slowly turned your head to look at him, still hugging you from behind, nuzzling his face on your neck while slowly massaging your skin. Needless to say you were flabbergasted and you haven’t calmed down much. Knowing him, you knew he was up to something but seeing him hug you showed that he wasn’t there to harm you.

- « What are you doing here Fyodor ?! You broke into my house AND had the audacity to enter when I am showering ?!! » You angrily spat. You weren’t going to let him disrespect you like this.

- « Well I am free to see my partner whenever I want to, no ? » He added with a sultry voice and a mischievous smirk looking at you with a predator’s eyes.

When you were going to object and say that you were no longer together, he beat you and added:

- « Plus, I don’t like the fact of you taking decisions that concerns the both of us.. You want to split but I don’t. As you belong to me, I get to choose. I consider we’re still together. Moreover, you’ll never find someone like me so why fight ? » He calmly added with a smirk.

You were flabbergasted in front of such a man. You would’ve never thought that if you were to end the relationship, Fyodor would have that reaction. Meanwhile, he continued trailing kisses up your neck and jawline as if nothing was happening. When you snapped out of your shock you removed his hands from you and turned to properly face him, you see him smirking and shamelessly looking down at your exposed body with darkened eyes and, of course his smirk.. wider than usual. You felt… naked but that’s what you were. You had to concentrate to not let your eyes roam down his body that was naked too.

Once you focused, you started:

- « Fyodor, in case you haven’t noticed, I am a grown woman and you don’t get to choose wether I stay with you or not. I ended the relationship for solid reasons and if you don’t like it, then it’s your problem, should’ve thought about it before. Now get out of my house. » you simply said, looking at him straight in the eyes, charisma emanating from you.

Oh god how he loved when you would stand your ground and defy him. A wild thing. That was something new to him since everyone was scared of him in the outside. Seeing you like this is just so entertaining to him. He was looking at you like one would look at a little child giving threats. He knew he could take you home anytime he wanted so he was just pleased by what he had before him.

In an instant he slammed you against the wall, leaning towards you so your faces would be only an inch apart. He’s looking at you in the eyes with an intensity.. it was overwhelming. You suddenly felt very little (feeling accentuated by your height difference) and couldn’t do anything besides maintaining the eye contact with him in order to put up a fight, just for your pride. It was your way of showing him that you weren’t going to submit to him. He loved it. It made it all the more enjoyable to dominate you. Suddenly his lips locked against yours in a very deep, passionate kiss. You tried to push him off but he pinned your wrists against the wall and forced you to kiss him back.

It was at this moment you knew it was over for you.

Fyodor was the type to get what he wanted one way or another and you couldn’t escape him. He would either use gentleness or force and he wasn’t very patient. All of this was a message for you to understand. He was deciding, not you.

The problem is that you still had a weak spot for him.. it’s been only two weeks since you broke up with him and either way you didn’t have the choice but to accept him again in your life.

——————————————————————

After your hot.. steamy shower you both got out of the bathroom. He then, demanded you to pack your things so you would go back home, to your shared apartment.

When you two came back, he turned towards you, with a deep stare, his violet eyes gleaming dangerously and said :

- « Next time you try to run away from me, when I find you, I’ll chain you to the bed. »He sinisterly warned.

You shuddered at his tone. Everything in his facial and body language told you he was extremely serious and that he wouldn’t hesitate to do that.

- « Understood ? » he added with a glare.

You curtly nodded, still shuddering.

He smirked.

- « Good girl, now come .. » he grabbed your wrist and yanked you towards him.

You were stuck.

.

[shadyteacup]

Hey can i have a request where Fyodor, dazai, and Chuuya comfort the reader after their dog dies? My 14 year old dog is being put down on Thursday and i am NOT okay

Hey, there.. I'm so sorry.. I know that this is really hard and painful, but I need you to be strong, okay? All my love to you♡

I'm done with Dazai and Chuuya, decided to post then first.. I will post the Fyodor req very soon..

Stay Strong, My Love

Dazai

Dazai had rushed home the moment he had received your text. He was worried about you, and also immensely sad. He hadn't expected this to happen. He found you lying on the couch, hugging a pillow. He noticed the tiny shakes of of your form, a result of crying.

He approached you slowly, and gently weaved his hand through you locks.

"Hey, honey.", he said, kissing your head.

You stiffened at his voice, not having noticed him come in.

"Osamu?", you whispered.

"Yes, love. It's me."

You turned to face him; your eyes were red and your face showed signs of exhaustion.

He wiped your tears with the pad of his thumb and gave you a warm, reassuring smile.

"Come, let's take care of you."

He picked you up, and took you to the bed, placing you on the edge while he created a soft wall of pillows for you to rest your back on. The position you were in on the couch when he found you must have hurt your back and neck. What you needed right now was a soft yet firm backrest. After placing the pillows, he helped you scoot over and rest your back. He rushed to the kitchen to fetch you a glass of water.

"Drink up."

He had stopped to buy your favourite ice-cream on the way home. He wanted to help you feel better.

"Look what I got!"

You smile at the tub of your favorite ice-cream in his hands.

"Thanks."

You both ate in silence. A lot was going on in your head, and Dazai knew that those thoughts and memories only made you sadder. But death was a natural process. It was unavoidable. One must embrace it, and in a way, celebrate it. For death signifies freedom. In many cultures, death is termed as the beginning, and not the end. The soul is believed to move on, and attain peace. He believes in this, too. As someone who has wanted to die for a long time until now, he has always found his body to be tiresome burden. Death would release him from his physical shackles, and he envies anyone who has attained that level of peace.

Death shouldn't be feared or considered as a sad occurrence. A person who has lost someone close to them, must come to terms with it. They must accept it and move on in life. And to do so, one must mourn. Mourning helps us to experience all of feelings and emotions, and allows our mind to feel free and clear afterwards. It's like the feeling of satisfaction one gets after screaming their fears from the top of a cliff, or writing a diary. One must mourn properly to release all their pent up sadness and feelings.

So, even though Dazai knew that your thoughts would only make you feel sad, he wouldn't try to distract you from them. You need to experience the pain, to emerge as an even stronger individual.

"I feel like crying again.. I just.. miss...so much... it pains..."

You whispered, eyes tearing up again, and voice breaking.

He hugged you, and rocked you as you cried, whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

"I know, love.. It will pain, but you must stay strong, okay?"

When you had calmed down a little, you both talked about the many memories you had made. You both laughed over the little things. You both knew whom to blame when snacks would go missing from the table, or when slippers couldn't be found. You both fought over which of you was the most loved. You won, ofcourse.

Remembering all those memories made you smile, and appreciate the time you had spent together. The 14 years you had with each other were well spent, and you wouldn't trade those years for anything in this world.

Chuuya

Chuuya couldn't believe his eyes when he read, then re-read your message. He felt immensely sad, and worried. He knew how much you loved your dog, hell, he hadn't even spent a long time with him/her, but he was still emotionally attached.

He tries to hold in his tears, and decided to rush home.

You opened the door to find your redheaded boyfriend at the door. He noticed your red eyes and the dark circles under them. You must have completely neglected yourself these past couple of hours. He knew you get when you feel sad. You don't take care of yourself at all.

"Chuuya..."

You say, hugging him tightly. He hugged you back, his strong arms caging you in. His eyes started tearing up. Your body shook with your sobs as you held onto him. You both stayed at the door like that until your sobs had reduced to soft sniffs.

Chuuya reached inside to grab the keys and your coat.

He pulled you out, helping you into your boots.

"Where are we going?", you asked.

He led you to his car, a hand on the small of your back. Opening the passenger side door for you, he helped you climb in.

Seating himself on the driver's seat, he pressed the ignition button, and the car roared to life.

You loved his collection of luxury cars, but also knew how much he loved his bike.

"You didn't use the bike today?"

"No. I needed to carry something with me today."

He smiled at you, before leaning back to grab something from the back seat.

Handing you a box, he asked you to open it.

It contained pictures of you and your dog. You were smiling in those pictures. You could spot Chuuya in quite a few o them too. All three of you looked so happy. Most of the pictures were from trips that you three had been on. You three loved adventures, and often found yourselves on mountain tops, hills, scenic valleys and grasslands.

You tried to hold in your sobs, and smiled at the fond memories.

"I'm taking you to these places."

You looked at him, wide eyed.

"I don't think I can take it.. I can't go there now.. not without..."

Chuuya held your hand in his, and kissed your knuckles.

"I don't want you to associate these memories with sadness. I want you to remember these places, these pictures, and think of happiness. Let's create more memories. Happy memories. That way, whenever you think about your dog, you'll remember these places, and your heart will be filled with warm memories of mirth and laughter."

It was difficult to do what he said, since making more memories without your dog didn't feel right. But you understood why he asked you to do this. This would help you to move on, without forgetting the amazing times you spent together. Many times our brains tend to blur the times of sadness to help us stay happy. This results in the person grfually forgetting they ever had any sad times. The only fault in this system was that one tended to forget everything related to that sadness. And you didn't want to forget your best friend of 14 years. So you had to create more memories, memories that would help you hold onto the sad times, and cherish your bond.

You both spent the rest of day laughing and smiling, remembering your lost friend, and cherishing all the amazing times you three had spent.

[soukoku-rivals]

Chapter 9 - the Fyoya matter

A quick announcement!

I am in the middle of drafting the last scene of chapter 9 and I finally got to the important part of Dazai and Chuuya discussing Chuuya's relationship with Fyodor and what happened between them when Chuuya didn't have his memories.

As you might remember there was some implied stuff between Fyodor and Chuuya. I felt Chuuya should address it with Dazai so there is a talk happening in the future. As I am drafting it, it becomes more and more obvious that the matter might be disturbing to some people, myself included. Hence something I have never done before:

When the time comes to post the pages, I will hide them under the cut ['keep reading'] so that people who are uncomfortable with the subject can simply skip them. We can pretend some things never happened. Live happily ever after with Soukoku in their happy ending.

I am telling you now because I want people to either be ready for the scene if they decide to read it or be ready to skip it. You have time.

Deeper explanation below. Also, content warning - discussion of emotionally abusive relationship.

I am terribly, terribly sorry for what happened to Chuuya. What was implied might not have been exactly non-consensual but the consent was certainly dubious since Chuuya didn't have all the information [including his memories] and was under the influence of an ability that made him compliant to Fyodor. Even when he was willing his choice was not fully informed.

Not to mention Fyodor basically said if Chuuya didn't do what he was told to, that would make him disloyal and we all know how much Chuuya cares about that. Fyodor was manipulating him and coercing him into physical relationship this way was clearly abusive behavior.

Chuuya himself doesn't view anything what happened as something that couldn't be called consensual. For him it was just something he did to keep his partner, the person he cared about, happy. Even if he didn't necessarily feel like doing it [I'm talking mainly about chapter 5 scene].

Dazai thinks differently [I think differently]. Fyodor used Chuuya and that's it. No matter how strong Chuuya is, in this scenario, he fell victim to the abuse. He experienced trauma, even though he is in denial, and needs to heal from it. Though first he should probably acknowledge it happened at all and that might be tricky, seeing how stubborn he is.

Another thing is, Chuuya still has feelings for Fyodor. Which is also common in abusive relationships. For a while, Fyodor was the only person Chuuya could rely on. He was his partner in more ways than one. Chuuya learned to care for him, Master and Margarita included or not. It didn't matter how much Fyodor used him when he also cared for him. It will be hard for Chuuya to forget the feelings he had for Fyodor if he can ever manage that at all. This is also the reason Chuuya didn't kill him in the previous chapter. He simply couldn't force himself to. And he couldn't let others hurt Fyodor as well. It is tragic, really.

[From personal experience: when an emotionally abusive partner left my friend, even though she openly acknowledged all the abuse he put her through, she was absolutely shattered that he left her. She immediately came back to him as soon as he allowed. And this is as much as I'm going to say in that matter.]

Anyway, the matter will be addressed, though not in depth. I would probably need another full chapter if not more to go through it all and let Chuuya heal. But I promise, we will leave with a hope it will get better.

[soukokuwu]

FYODOR DOSTOYEVSKY

➢ fluff, with a dash of angst (fyodor x reader)

➢ word count: 1.8k

➢ thank you @glitchnovax for working with me once again, amazing and talented (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

Lavender & Home

11.50pm.

The only source of light was the faint spill of illumination from the moonlight. That glowing cold light that shone over pale skin and made tears sparkle so beautifully. The smell of coffee and leftover pasta filled the apartment. It was silent save for the beating of your partner’s heart, the only thing you felt being the warmth of his embrace.

It seemed so cheesy, doing this. Dancing in the kitchen in the middle of the night. But you couldn’t bring yourself to stop. Not when you had an ominous feeling wash over you.

The plan was complete. Everything was settled. The process of the entire operation, the contingency plans if something were to go haywire and the mapping of possible escape routes. This was no simple mission; it would be one of the most complicated ones to pull off yet. Risky, dangerous, even for an intelligent and cunning man such as Fyodor himself. But as he always told you, “it has to be done.”

You hugged him even tighter as the foreboding feeling washed over you again. Puzzled, the Russian asked you what was wrong, still holding you in his embrace as the two of you swayed to the non-existent music.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

The tears started to form in your eyes, threatening to spill out if you so much as took another breath. You didn’t even know what emotion it stemmed from; whether out of the fear of losing him or just a product of your sheer exhaustion. But it proved too much to control, and you let them out, tired of having to hold them in. You buried your head in his chest, trying to stop yourself from sobbing lest he found out that you were crying.

Fyodor didn’t even need to see your face or hear your sniffles to tell you were tearing up. He held you even tighter against him, this being one of the few times in his life where he didn’t know what to say. He knew how risky this next operation was. So he settled for giving you a kiss on the top of your head, inhaling the sweet smell of lavender.

“I... I need you to believe in me, milaya,” he murmured in your ear.

His words only served to bring more tears out of you. You had been trying so hard all this time to convince yourself that it wouldn’t be such an impossibly difficult mission, that he would make it out just fine— he is Fyodor Dostoyevsky after all. But here he was, evading making any promises, and you knew why. Because he wasn’t so sure of the chances of him making out of it alive, either.

“I’m scared, Fyo.”

It was something you never thought you’d admit to anyone, let alone to the man himself. You gripped at the back of his shirt, hoping that this feeling would go away. The possibility of losing him, no matter how small either of you believed it to be, existed, and it terrified you to the bone. You couldn’t bear to lose him, you just couldn’t.

He bit down on his lip as he heard your words. Fyodor couldn’t bring himself to assure you that he would be okay because truth be told, he wasn’t that sure of it this time. But he also knew you needed something to tie your hope to, something to look forward to. How could he build a hope of sorts in you, without having to make a promise he couldn’t keep? Then he had an idea.

“Remember the place where we first met? The place where we watched the sun sink below the horizon on that cold winter evening?” Fyodor asked. You didn’t know where he was going with this, but you held back a sob as you nodded your head. “If you ever miss me while I’m away, go there. I’ll always be alive there, some way, somehow.”

In all honesty, he didn’t know how long his plan would take, there were too many influencing factors, unlike the previous missions you were used to, and to give you a place to escape to might just distract you from any negative thoughts. You knew he was just trying to do anything he could to keep you alive here, to cut you from the anchor which was your pessimism. You accepted his attempt anyway, because you knew you needed it. You appreciated it all the more when he reminded you of that sacred place, the place that allowed the two of you to open your hearts to each other in the first place.

You also knew what he needed, which was your faith. Gods always had at least one devoted follower, and the only one that mattered to him was you. There existed a nagging voice in your mind that said there was a chance of failure, but it didn’t mean you had no hope in him at all. Fyodor was crafty, scheming, cunning and the most intelligent man you had ever met, and so were his allies for this mission. But this time, the enemy was someone with a matching intelligence. You had thought through the plan countless times with him, discussing every possible loophole, every work around. It took many hours of all the past few weeks and there was no way it should fail, or that was what he said.

As the clock gleaming in the moonlight switched from pm to am, your shaky breaths slowed as you thought to yourself, that even if things went south, Fyodor would surely find a way out. This voice in your head stayed. But you ignored it.

“Hey, Fyo?”

“Yes?”

“Please come back to me,” you pleaded softly. “No matter how long it takes.”

Fyodor loosened his grip slightly to look into your eyes. Your eyes were sparkling in the moonlight, the tiny and almost unnoticeable grains of salt from your tears settled on your cheeks.

“No matter what happens, we’ll always find our way back to each other.”

That was truly what he believed. Through anything, his spirit would find its way to you.

“Promise?”

This time, he showed no hesitation.

“I promise, milaya.”

════════════════════════

The next day when you awoke, he was already gone, his spot next to you on the bed cold. He had been gone for a while already, then. He had always been bad at goodbyes, so you weren’t surprised to see he didn’t wake you before he went off. He probably thought you needed the rest anyway. Fyodor was deadly observant, he probably knew you tried your best not to succumb to sleep the previous night, all in a bid to spend more time with him before he had to go. But you did anyway.

Throughout the days you couldn’t stop thinking of him, how he was doing. You could text him, but he had already warned you he might not be able to respond as much as you’d like him to. And that was true. As the days passed, he responded only once every alternate day.

Until he didn’t anymore.

You visited your special place everyday since he left, watched as the sun dipped below the ocean, throwing your prayers out at the open sea. You were kept on the edge every time someone passed by, hoping you’d see that beloved face in front of you once more, only to be disappointed by your own expectations. Fyodor promised he would find his way back to you, and so you kept that belief.

And you kept believing. Even as the first couple months passed with no news; even when there was actually news of the incident, of a Russian man falling victim to a crumbling tower, his ushanka hat being the face of the news. But still you kept that blind faith, no matter how absurd anyone else would think it was.

════════════════════════

Months after the initial news, you still paid visits to your sacred place.

Not to mistake anything, you knew you wouldn’t see him. You told yourself that every time you went there, just to help ease your disappointment. You knew it was impossible, but a stupid, idiotic part of you still hoped that deep down, that maybe...

But you sighed, suppressing that hopeless wish.

It was the beginning of winter. The evening was getting chilly now. The sky was growing a darker hue of orange by the minute. The sun was setting, the final glimmer of warmth for the day slowly fading away.

Just as your comfort did, when he left.

“You’d enjoy this, Fyo,” you mumbled to yourself, imagining that somehow, his spirit was beside you, listening to you. “You love watching that final glow vanishing from our sight before the cold sets in. You always did prefer the cold.”

You pulled his coat around you tighter. Fyodor had left you one of his coats. He knew you’d find comfort in having it anyway. He always knew you better than you understood yourself. It would be true, even in death. You rested your face in the fur of the hood, desperately wishing it was his shoulder instead.

“Why did you have to leave?” you choked out in a whisper, tears threatening to spill even after all these months.

“Giving up on me, milaya?”

Your breath hitched in your throat. What did you just hear? That thick Russian accent, that velvety soothing voice of his. It was unmistakeable. You couldn’t bring yourself to turn around, lest it was just your imagination, your mind playing tricks on you. But then you felt the familiar warmth wrapping itself around you, a chin resting itself on your shoulder, looking out at the sea with you.

Cold hands rested themselves on your lap, and so you enveloped them with your own gloved hands. You were still at a loss for words. You bit back your tears, not wanting his welcome back to be a teary one. But you couldn’t control yourself. It had been so lonely the past few months, being the only one who kept that faith, that belief that he was still alive. Even when your faith wavered, when you convinced yourself so deeply that he was gone, a certain fire in you still didn’t burn out. Your resolve was strong, and you were sure Fyodor knew it, felt it.

Months of loneliness. All worth it, as long as he came back. And now, you didn’t have to feel alone anymore, because here he was. He was back. You gripped his hands tighter, afraid that he might slip away again if you didn’t. But you couldn’t mistake this. His cold, icy fingers were real, and so was he.

“You’re here, you’re back...” you sobbed, unable to hold back your tears. “You’re really back.”

Fyodor hid his face in the crook of your neck, breathing you in. He surely missed the smell of lavender, the warmth of home, your voice, your everything. All of his feelings found its way to you through that one hug alone.

“I heard your prayers, lyubov moya,” he whispered. “I’m home.”

tag, you’re it: @yokelish