#not only because he genuinely wants to make dean feel better but also because secretly he craves dean’s hands on him

[slowpoke-fics]

Hidden Hunter

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: Crowley x Reader

Summary: Crowley is your best friend, has been for years and taught you a lot of what you know. However, you aren't associated with the boys.

Warnings: mention of injury and stitches, slow burn, hint at death, I could be missing some, I am not perfect please read at your own risk

A/N: I loved this fic, I hope you guys do too! Oh! And a favor I ask of you. The more I write the more I worry about warnings. If you ever see anything I write not have a warning it should, please tell me.

You pulled into your motel, harshly parking your car and storming into your room. Muttering to yourself as you slid your shirt off, door barely slamming shut, "Stupid motherfuckers couldn't just listen. Couldn't just-" you let out a guttural scream, "I tried. I tried." You shook your head, unbuttoning your pants as you heard Crowley behind you, "Hello, Mouse." You slipped your pants off, turning to look at Crowley, not missing the way his eyes studied the curves of your body. "Hey, Crowley."

Crowley took in your ragged and bloody appearance. Dried blood scattered throughout your hair, on your arms, tiny nicks and cuts over your body with a nasty gash on your torso. Crowley's eyebrows raised and he spoke as you went into the bathroom turning on the shower, "I guess they didn't take the deal?" You poked your head out of the bathroom, glaring at him, "No, they didn't captain obvious." Crowley laughed, sitting on the bed as you took a quick shower.

You ran your fingers through your hair, trying to get the blood out without stretching too far so you didn't irritate the gash on your stomach. You stepped out of the shower, washing all of the grime off of you made you feel a little better. "I hate hunting," you muttered to Crowley as you walked out of the bathroom, hair draped over your neck and a towel wrapped tightly around you. "Would you please get me a pair of shorts, a tank top and a pair of underwear out of my bag?" Crowley smiled at you, already on his way to your bag, "Of course, love."

You stood there looking at Crowley as he ruffled through your bag. His suit clinging to all the right spots, curling around his biceps, tight around his thighs, unfortunately his ass covered by the length of his jacket, shoes nicely completing his look.

You'd met Crowley a few years back, when he was a lowly cross roads demon. You went to make a deal, planning to exchange your soul for the ability to track supernatural creatures so you could save them. Crowley took an interest in why you wanted to do such things. Realizing that you were a hunter that wanted to stop the deaths before they happen was important to you. Stop the needless death of humans and monsters alike.

You'd become close to him, allowing him to teach you the ways of the natural witch. After about a year you had learned enough that Crowley needed to come up with some other reason to stick around. So he started to offer his help with no strings attached as he took a liking to his little mouse. The hunter who only hunted those who hunt.

Crowley handed you the clothing, politely turning around before you dropped your towel. You slid your underwear on, groaning as you did so, causing Crowley too start to turn around. He stopped himself, asking permission first, "Let me help, yeah mouse?" You giggled, covering your boobs and huffing, "Yeah okay."

Crowley turned around, helping you step into the shorts and pulling them up, he handed you the towel to properly cover yourself on his way up. What a gentleman, you thought as he went over to your bag, digging out the emergency kit. "Lay, you need stitches," Crowley pointed to bed. You grumbled, he knew you didn't like stitches, "It's not even that bad, it's fine." Crowley glared at you, "Love, if you don't stitch that it's gonna take months to heal and likely get infected."

You laughed, laying down, "I could always just use a spell." Crowley shook his head, his playfulness with his best friend suddenly gone, "We've discussed that Y/n, it's not the kind of magic you want too mess around with." You put his hand on his arm, as he wet the rag he had with alcohol, in an attempt to comfort him, "I was just kidding, I know."

Crowley started cleaning the gash, making sure that you had gotten all the debris out. You hissed at him, you could see how curious he was, but you'd made a rule that he doesn't press hard unless it's bad. "So," you croaked out as he started stitching you, "what'd you do today?" Crowley smiled at you, secretly bashing you because if you'd just listen to him and find partners it wouldn't be like this.

"Well, I saw moose and squirrel-" You lifted your head, excited, "Sam and Dean?" He nodded, "Yes the royal pains in my ass. They were having trouble tracking some witch-" You giggled, "I could've helped them instead." Crowley tries to hide his genuine concern by joking, "Oh no doll, I don't think we'll be doing that." You furrowed your brows, "I still think we'd make a good team."

"Mouse, I don't ask for much," Crowley sighed, "if you want partners, I can find plenty of hunters that are not Winchesters." Crowley put gauze over your stitches, carefully pressing tape to hold them in place. You sat up, Crowley turning around to let you slip your tank top on, "Decent," he turned back around, "what is your problem? I never like other people enough to let them join me, but when I hear about someone you say no?"

Crowley sighed, "They're dangerous people, Y/n. I've told you I don't want you near them." You stared at him, "I just don't understand, you always tell me they're dangerous and I can't go near them but nothing else!" You stood up, starting to pace. "They're-huff-" Crowley looked away from you, closing his eyes tightly as they flashed with anger, "they'll do nothing but destroy you." With that Crowley was gone. You were used to your arguments ending like that, even your conversations. He would get called away and come back when he wasn't busy and that was fine, but you were going to look into the Winchesters while you had the chance.

You pulled out a map of the United States, channeling through your pendulum Crowley had hand made for you. You smiled, looking at the chain on one end a sharp pointed crystal rested, on the there a tiny little metal mouse, identifying it as yours, the only one on the planet like it. You took a deep breath, circling the crystal over the map focusing your energy on the image of the Winchester brothers. After a few minutes of scrying and finding nothing you decided to leave it for now, starting to pack up your things you began thinking about what was so bad about the Winchester brothers. Why did Crowley want you to stay away?

You didn't really know much about them aside from the little Crowley'd told you because you didn't really associate with other hunters. At the end of the day, you hated most of them. Hunters in general were crass, and you hated that. You are a ray of sunshine trying to preserve life and most hunters see something not human and kill it. That didn't sit right with you.

You thought about the things you did know about the brothers. They had been in this life their whole life. Had lost both parents, almost ended the world a couples times, saved it just as much if not more. Only really had each other, but Crowley had mentioned an angel on their shoulder-Castiel I believe? What did you even know about him?

"I don't believe I know you?" Your entire body went cold, turning as fast as you can to aim a gun in between his eyes. "That will do little damage to me," he spoke flatly. "I beg to differ, these here special made bullets to put your ass in back in hell, so tell me? What're you doing here?" The man is staring at you, confusion in his brows, arms by the edges of his trench coat, pants and shirt tidy, but not perfect, "I am Castiel, an angel of the lord. You called to me." Before you could even think of a response, Crowley was standing next to you. Eyes holding fear, not ager, he speaks lowly, a whisper under his breath.

"What have you done little mouse?"

You lowered your gun, not sure if it was because it wouldn't do damage or because you felt safe with Crowley there. "I didn't call to anybody," you stare at Castiel, eyes boring into his as he speaks. "I beg to differ, I felt you, heard you, you seem to also need dealings with the Winchesters?" He looked to Crowley who he'd just seen not hours ago, "I am slightly concerned with Crowley being here." Crowley scoffed, "I haven't tried anything on the musketeers in years, I've been nothing but a friend and Y/n here was too curious for her own good." He growled out the end looking directly towards you, causing a rush guilt for going behind Crowleys back.

"I didn't mean to take you away from the Winchesters-" "You did not. I am a man of many abilities, helping people is one of them. At least allow me to heal you." You backed away as he stepped forward, "I am not going to hurt you." Crowley put his hand on your arm, trying to reassure you, "Well do it then Feathers, but uh-" Castiel healed you, you felt warmth, pain dissolving from your body, "can we keep her to ourselves?" Your eyes raised at Crowley, appalled by his gumption to hide you.

"Excuse me?" You jerked away from Crowley, Castiel raising his eyebrows at you. "Is that what you would like Y/n?" You looked at Crowley, his face a mix of anger and concern. "Can we? I promise I won't bother you." Castiel smiles at you, secretly reading you, "You wouldn't be a bother but I understand. I am happy to have healed you." Castiel was gone, Crowley already starting to pick your bags up. "We're gone now mouse."

He grabbed you, whisking you away. You looked around, taking in the room you were standing in. It was clearly an apartment, a nicer than you'd ever known anyone to have. You looked around, a sleek kitchen area, the bathroom door opened from the living room, the couch took up most of the living room, a nice coffee table in front of it but pressed to the wall.

"Crowley where are we?" He was glaring at you, a sour look on his face, "A safe house, I hoped we'd never have to use it." You shook your head, "Okay, but where? What about my car?" He shuffled on his feet, "In a few days when I know Castiel didn't spill the beans about you I will take you back to it." Crowley chuckled a little, but not answering as he reached out your bags for you to take. You huffed, taking your bags from him, and then he disappeared.

You walked over to the refrigerator, to your surprise it was stocked. Demons don't need to eat, you thought to yourself, a little confused and trying to figure out where you were, you moved to the window. You looked out and you couldn't have been but three stories up, but no markers as to your city or state. The bathroom was also stocked shampoo, conditioner, soap, toilet paper, toothbrush and toothpaste?

Crowley reappeared, holding the rest of your things and your gun. You took it from him, anger over your features. "Crowley, are we in someone's apartment right now? You know how I feel about how you taking over peoples lives!" Crowley scoffed at you, "You know I respect you too much to violate your beliefs like that!" You rolled your eyes, tucking your gun behind your waistband, "Then who's apartment is this?"

Crowley made his was over to the cabinet, pulling out a bottle of liquor he conveniently knew where to find, "Technically yours. Like I said it's a safe house." You tapped the counter, letting him know you wanted a glass as you sat down, "Gonna have to do better than that." He poured your glass first, shrugging he started, "I pay for it, it's under a fake name, it's warded so you can't be found, do we need to get into logistics?" You downed your glass, picking up the bottle and filling up again, "You brought me here after I met Castiel, that's not exactly safe house worthy." Crowley shook his head, sipping on his own glass, "Yes it is cricket, yet it is." Your blood started to boil, you stood from your chair, seething with anger, you spit, "Crowley, if you don't stop acting like-"

"Like what? Like someone who wants to keep you alive?" You flinched at Crowleys words, waiting for him to continue, "Everyone that they're around dies, Y/n, dies. Hunter funeral, pile of ash, dies. Everyone but them; they will destroy you." You scoffed, "I'm pretty good at keeping myself alive thank you." He raises his eyebrows, smirking a bit, "Do you forget how we met mouse?" Your eyes connected with his, glaring, still seething with anger, "I was desperate not dead, there's a difference. Crowley, they can't be doing more damage than me hunting on my own. Maybe I could be a voice of reason-" Crowley slammed his glass down, grabbing the counter with both hands, "No! I don't know why you even want to know them!"

You studied Crowley, jealousy now seeping from him. Then it clicked. It clicked that you two were a bunch of shy kids. Bouncing around each other like you were fifteen for years now. Each thinking the other was uninterested, each thinking that you didn't deserve one another. Crowley rightfully so for a while, the things he did outside of you could be classified as horrendous, but your ray of sunshine had spread to him. Bringing out all of the good parts that once was Fergus Roderick MacLeod, reminding him of who he could be. You reminded him how to love, how to hold someone higher than yourself. Reminded him of what it's like to protect someone other than yourself, to need to.

"Crowley," you walked around the table and placed your hand on his, "please just tell me what's going on." Crowley didn't hesitate, he turned to you pressing his lips into yours. It took you a second to realize what was happening, and then you melted. You moved your arms around his neck, pulling him deeper into the kiss, his stubble tickling you. Crowley tangled his fingers in your hair, taking a deep breath as he readjusted to meet your lips, tongue skirting your bottom lip before nibbling on it. You gasped at the action, the sound taking Crowley by surprise as he continued to glide across your lips, not missing the warm blush on your face.

Crowley was first to pull away, sliding his hand out of your hair and tucking it behind your ear, resting his hand there, he whispered, "I can't lose you." You planted a chaste kiss on his lips, smiling at him reassuringly, "You won't." He softened a little bit, sighing heavily before returning his lips to yours. Soft and gentle, savoring the moment as he tugged you closer to him with his arm around your waist. You pulled just an inch away, Crowleys eyes opening and making contact with yours, "Does this mean I get to meet the Winchesters?" Crowley growled at you, quickly lifting you by your thighs causing your to wrap your legs around him, "Absolutely not."

[anxiouspotatorants]

heyy first off im obsessed w your account and the underdog quartet but also i feel like, with your new jess/paris playlist post, we need to acknowledge paris and jess’s first interaction when paris went into luke’s diner in “Richard goes to stars hollow” they had a very subtle interaction but he was clearly memorable enough to her to remember him and his name. I wonder if whenever paris when to stars hollow in the future she would look for jess what do you think

Thank you so much for this ask and the kind words!!! I’m obviously obsessed with UQ too, so finding more people who love that dynamic is just amazing!

Also yes we only had about two direct interactions between Paris and Jess but holy shit was the platonic chemistry there!! Paris bothering to remember him is something I would love to take as a sign that she was a Jess gal (especially since if you combine that with Keiko Agena saying she and Lane are team Jess, that means all my faves support my ship!)

Now for Jess and Paris specifically, I could honestly give you three different types of answers for this. First is that ASP and company didn’t feel like exploring that dynamic, so Paris probably doesn’t think about Jess or seek him out in the future, especially not after Rory’s break up. But that take is boring so let’s go for wild headcanons!

The second approach is on the more realistic side. I bet that Paris would avoid bringing up Jess every time he popped into her mind in front of Rory, but she would be too desperate to finally have that decent conversationalist to not bug Rory about him. She probably wouldn’t head over to Stars Hollow of her own accord considering how disappointed she was with the research results for that article, but she would ask about when Jess could come over to Hartford so she could rip his literary takes to shreds at a nearby cafe or at the elder Gilmores. Once Jess and Rory were a couple, Paris would double down on her requests but probably only have them met once or twice (Jess has work, Rory still has a tendency to compartmentalize parts of her life etc.). Post-breakup Paris would take Rory’s side, but secretly be sad to see a potential friend go. She probably felt like this guys really could be something, not just for Rory who seemed to finally get decent taste in boys, but for Paris who was finally starting to get more true friends. She carries a secret team Jess torch for the rest of the series but hides it in general criticism of any and all guys Rory is involved with.

On to approach three, aka balls to the walls whatever I want!! Hold on to your hat because this will be a long and windy ride:

After the diner-meet, Paris is intrigued by the guy who played along with her interrogation and eye-flirted with Rory. She doesn’t think she’ll see him again, but she would be lying if she said she didn’t want to.

After the dinner at Rory’s, Paris is honestly elated to finally have a great literary conversation with a guy her age. The only one to have come close is Rory, and that doesn’t say much for the «opposite sex» in Paris’ eyes. But she’s also furiously disagreeing with Jess’ «Austen loves Bukowski»-take, so she writes a whole several page argumentative essay and forces Rory to deliver it to Jess the next school day.

Jess responds not with a letter, but by having Rory hand Paris an annotated («blasphemy!») copy of a Bukowski work. There are no arguments from Jess notes, just underlines of quotes he thinks Austen would approve of, and excerpts from different Austen works put in the margins for comparison. Paris despises him for how much she is seeing his point.

At some point Rory get’s sick of being a carrier pigeon and drags Paris with her to ST after school so the two can fight in person. All three stay until Lorelai pops over for dinner, and Paris realizes she needs to haul herself over to the bus. She’s hungry and worried about the time she should have spent on homework, but ultimately really happy about the day.

She’s bummed to see Jess go after the car accident, but doesn’t have much time to think about it between school and… well, school. She does end up being one of the few Rory can talk to about Jess without getting the whole «bad bad boy»-speech she gets over in ST and at her grandparents’.

Rory doesn’t tell Paris Jess is back until the very end of their Washington trip when Paris finds the unfinished letter and Paris is boiling. She does cool quickly, but only to constantly bug Rory about when the three of them are going to meet up again for coffee and verbal war. Rory gets so stressed about it that at some point she gives Paris the number to Luke’s and tells her to go on her own for all Rory cares.

Paris does. Jess is surprised, but they get in the groove quick. What doesn’t go as smoothly is Paris asking what the hell is going on between him and Rory. His non-answers pretty much spell everything out, and in a rare moment of comradery, Paris decides to turn the conversation in to hating on Dean. Jess appreciates it. It doesn’t happen again, but Paris firmly puts herself in the team Jess camp from then on.

Paris is releived once Jess and Rory finally are together and it is great! More cafe talks! Study sessions! Movie nights! They even sneak both Paris and Lane out into concerts! Paris feels like for the first time in a very long time, she has real friends her own age. The kind who actually like you for you and want to spend time with you for you, not just to get better grades or a better reputation.

Paris sucks at being strong for Rory when Jess leaves. Like, she takes it really personal. This was supposed to be the one good guy, and he decided to be just like everyone else. But with time she learns to coach Rory into speaking her mind about the whole thing, and to support her in her own Paris-y way.

What she doesn’t tell Rory is that at some point after summer break (either because she gets hold of Jess for some scolding or because Lane does and spills to Paris or even if Jess gets in touch himself) Jess starts sending Paris beat up books he collects on the road around the country. None of them feature letters (at first), but annotations at the beginning declaring his safety and momentary location, as well as his general style annotations of the book inside the text. Paris starts responding with letters, and with time they start talking on phones and through email.

Paris helps Jess with his GED. They make it an equal study-buddy thing because Paris needs help taking certain writers seriously in her essays. Most of their sessions are over the phone, and a lot of it is just them daring each other to actually try. Paris gets actual stars on her improved essays, and Jess passes with flying colours.

Paris doesn’t know about Truncheon until Jess stands in front of her place ages later, dressed like a Kids Bop version of himself and holding a messengerbag with his debut novel. Paris tears through it in two hours (forcing Jess to sit on the couch next to her the whole time) and then spends another half hour furiously trying to tear it to shreds but actually praising it. She gives him their first hug ever, and hopes this afternoon is a sign they’ll slowly get back to being close friends in person.

Paris sucks at hiding how team Jess she is. So. Much. She does have genuine critiques of Logan and other guys, but her gut-defenses of Jess at random times in the day and weird reminiscing back to the «good old days» of diner talk after school gives her away immediately. Rory is uncomfortable, but Paris doesn’t even change her mind after Rory still picks Logan.

What she does do is invite Jess over for grown up evenings with Doyle. Whenever Rory is scheduled to be out and Jess needs to visit Luke anyway, Paris extends her invitation. They test wines based on price and taste, watch cult classics, eat takeout (in honour of Paris’ very first Mac and Cheese night) and talk for hours. One day wires cross and Jess gets in while Rory is there/Rory gets back while Jess is there and things get awkward.

Paris invites Jess to the graduation. Yes she has a limited amount of tickets and yes it’s weird to invite your friend who has barely been around ever but damn it she wants him there. He came to her when he was celebrating his accomplishments, she wants him to be there for hers.

They actually grow even closer as adults; emailing, texting and calling regularly. About 70% of it is general banter and picking on everything and everyone around them, but it’s a far more loving kind now — not that anyone who isn’t them would know, from the outside it looks like they want to kill each other. Regardless of outcome, Paris remains forever team Jess, and the two end up having each other’s backs for life.

So this went long and away from the point (and I only went through Paris’ pov!) but it was fun to write! I hope you like rant answers!

[thegeminisage]

hi, sorry for answering you both so late, i am putting your answers together since they are sort of related!

the short answer is, i can’t write a “real” sequel to broken road but the third part of the triptych would be the indirect dean/cas spiritual sequel, except with way more porn. the long answer is:

i just don't think i could write a true direct sequel to broken road set in that same continuity because i don't have anything left to say about john and how he gets along in the real with his family world now that he’s stuck there and they’re all stuck with each other. my main three points of interest that i felt were left unresolved would be the continuation of dean and cas's relationship (more on this in a sec), sam and eileen (ditto), and figuring out if john and mary ever made it work or called it quits for good. so if i wrote a sequel to broken road it would just be a bunch of john/mary stuff that i feel underqualified for because it WOULD involve their sex life and i DO NOT want to write john having sex. them fucking offscreen in broken road was as close as i'm ever getting and even that was weird. and then somehow i’d also have to work sam and eileen into that and it’s not at all related. it would take two fics and i don’t even want to write one. also, i really kind of want to leave the question of john and mary open anyway - i have my own thoughts about how things ultimately end up but i prefer to let the reader imagine what ending they like best, since people have such strong feelings about it. i know that's a little bit of a cop-out and i'm sorry! but it feels beyond the scope of that fic and also a little beyond my scope and area of interest as a writer.

if it helps you any, i imagine going forward their dynamic is a lot like it is in the epilogue, which is part of why i made the epilogue so long, was to give you a good idea of what life is like for them now. but here’s what i imagine might go down after the final curtain call (this is LONG, skip to the section labeled “dean” for the triptych answer):

john & mary: 

john continues to suffer and bite his tongue and probably do a lot of complaining and DEFINITELY do a lot of avoiding being alone with dean or cas or dean-and-cas. john was expecting to retire after yellow eyes died so he really wouldn't know what to do with a family that still hunts for "no reason" and i imagine he'd be pretty pissed that they still hunt at all. i expect he and sam would butt heads over that

mary would probably keep attempting to be supportive and keep being bad at it, and spend a lot of time trying to put a brave face on it while secretly dying inside, because she's constantly at war with herself. here she has john back, but not the john she remembers, and spending time with him is difficult because she wants to let herself have him and take comfort in him and also she doesn't want to be anywhere near him because he abused their kids

eventually mary or john or both would have to leave, though mary would come back - in canon she's in and out a lot anyway, she stays for awhile and visits regularly for game nights. i think john would miss the first game night, get one "seriously?" text from mary, and then show back up every week that he possibly could but also not visit unless it would make things worse if he didn't. i don't think he particularly enjoys spending time with his family for a long time, if ever, because much like season 12 mary he came back to a family he barely knew or recognized (and because of what he knows now spending time with dean would be particularly awkward). HIS sons would be getting married to women and retiring and having biological children. this gay adoptive whatever the fuck makes them feel like they are not his sons. 

anyway, i imagine john and mary would do much better when running into one another outside of the bunker, on their own separate hunts. they might even take one or two together. there’s probably some very guilty sex in their future at some point because mary is real fucked up. john post broken road does a lot of shutting up but i think around mary he would be the most like his old self. they do this will they/won't they dance for the next decade at least before finally making up their minds one way or the other. i do think they all still go on hunts together sometimes, maybe even with the apocalypse world hunters, and since that's sam's deal john is probably kind of quiet and falls in line and does what's needed without chatting much to anyone. i bet the first few times people don't even realize he's sam's father because he's so quiet. it's his way of trying to apologize to sam and also if he steps out of line when sam is in charge sam would <3 deck him. yes. but yeah i see it being very brisk and professional and awkward, until they all get used to each other again

sam: 

as i said earlier the only thing i didn't fix in broken road was eileen, so at some point sam would figure out a way to get her back - since in this verse jack never becomes soulless and chuck never returns and we never get season 15 it's possible she shows back up because she didn't go with her reaper, or because someone fucked up a summoning spell, or sam realized she was in hell and decided to spring her, or she just crawled out on her own like a badass. i think it would be kind of funny if john was involved with her resurrection but maybe accidentally somehow, so it's not like oh sam learns to forgive his dad because john did this really nice thing for him it's more like UGH why did it have to be YOU why are YOU involved in this important thing that has nothing to do with you slkdjfghl but also if you hadn't done it she'd still be down there or something, so, it cancels out. or idk maybe john had to work hard at it or give something up to make it happen. he has to genuinely shut up and be selfless and not fucking complain and feel sorry for himself the entire time, that might be fun too. either way sam would not thank him

(though i do think sam deserves space to explore the fact that he loves john even still, even despite the fact that he also hates him/is very angry with him and always will be. i don’t imagine sam and john ever fully reconcile but i imagine john behaving BECAUSE OF SAM SPECIFICALLY offers sam more catharsis than he thought possible.) 

anyway, john would be so relieved to see sam with a woman even if she is a deaf hunter but then it turns out she hates him like sam does so like. sucks to be him! meanwhile sam and eileen get to catch up and he finally has a willing ear (so to speak) that isn’t cas or mary to talk to about this stuff and of course SHE has someone who very much understands what it’s like to come back from hell. part of what i really love about sam and eileen is the way they sort of instantly and intrinsically recognized and understood one another, even across something that resembles a language barrier, and this hypothetical future would be no exception. there’s no way they don’t get engaged inside a year, and much like in the 15.18 fixit they’d sometimes hang at the bunker and sometimes not. i imagine with the apocalypse world hunters going in and out though it’s never exactly empty or lonely there. 

whether or not their family unit ever retires and/or moves out of the bunker in this verse is sort of beyond me because my feelings on it change daily but you can imagine whatever you like! however i am adamant that the furthest away from each other sam and dean will ever get permanent-living-situation-wise is next door/across-the-street neighbors. their weird little codependency is part of what i like about them and i have a Whole Thing about not “gentrifying” dean. but for the most part sam would be very much doing his own thing which involves john very little, and healing from his own damage with people OUTSIDE of his blood relatives which he very much deserves. and he has moved so completely past the need to care about john that like john is a backdrop in his life, albeit one with baggage. but mostly he becomes someone to keep an eye on in case he makes trouble, no different than a hundred other surly hunters sam’s known. and he can still be there for dean without his life revolving around dean because now dean has other people there for him too. (i ALSO have a whole thing about sam being in the life for dean specifically, that he’s giving up some or all of adulthood for dean because dean gave up childhood for him - kind of the way someone takes care of their kickass single mom in old age. it’s a guilt/love/debt/devotion sort of thing.) 

and speaking of the Eventual future, if babies ever come into this picture (sam and eileen’s, to be clear, dean and cas are probably satisfied with jack, NOT THAT JACK ISN’T ALSO SAM’S CHILD) john is allowed to see them but never unsupervised. i’m picturing like sam and eileen both on their third day of no sleep and sam lets john change a diaper because he’s exhausted and john considers that the best their relationship has been since sam was 6. mary always wanted to raise babies and sam likes her better so she’d get to pitch in with much more enthusiasm (and aw they’d finally get to bond a little more), and dean has raised a baby already so he’d probably try to like help and get waved away a lot like no no raising other peoples babies is no longer your job it’s ok. there is eventually a fight about this

cas & jack: 

castiel lives a great life caring for his newly re-graced son and staring at john when he enters or leaves rooms, and i imagine eventually jack gives him his wings back, since he can do whatever the fuck he wants (i'm not giving jack his own section but he also probably keeps acknowledging dean and cas are a couple like out loud which would be fine except for dean is still half in the closet like a skittish traumatized cat so eventually cas would have to explain very gently that nobody was supposed to know that yet and jack should cool it to give dean time to adjust)

anyway i DON’T believe in human cas, i believe he likes being an angel, so he just gets to stay an angel forever and now he has wings too <3 and he can teleport which spooks john in the exact same manner it used to spook dean in s4 <3 except this time cas is being <3 malicious on purpose <3

cas fully won here because like john does NOT want to speak to or acknowledge him much less be in the same room as him so they tend to have a dynamic where like all 6 of them are in the room and cas dean sam mary and jack all talk to each other and john dean sam mary and jack all talk to each other but cas and john do not talk to each other. cas doesn’t have to threaten him or glare at him constantly anymore like all he has to do is look at him. and john is like. man what’s he gonna do. that guy is having sex with your son and there’s nothing you can do about it! so dean doesnt have to be like ok cool it cas anymore because cas has literally won in every possible way. i think at most it’s very much cas being like “if i were trying to kill you, you’d know it <3″ and john can’t return those vibes to sender because then dean would be like ok cool it at his DAD instead. it used to be cas don’t piss off dad and now it’s dad don’t piss off cas. anyway i think that since cas has let dean lean on him so much it would be nice if he could lean on dean a little. again more on that in a minute

dean: 

and finally, as for dean...i think he needs a year minimum to dean with people acknowledging he and cas are a couple and another 3 for it not to be weird to say cas’s name in front of his dad. absolutely zero pda in front of john ever but he might like eventually get to the place where he and cas can lounge around together on the couch while they watch movies with the rest of fam and it’s not a big deal. sneak an arm around him at a movie theater. kind of the same vibes as the 15.18 fixit but with less anxiety. because like the worst possible thing (getting outed to everyone) has already happened and aside from the outing itself being completely horrible nothing that terrible even came to pass as a result, so he’s just Adjusting. i think he sort of has to unlearn and relearn his habits - his mediator thing, his defending dad thing. i think there’s a lot of times where he just walks out of a room when shit is too much for him to deal with because he has let go of some of the need to constantly micromanage his family’s interactions to make sure they don’t boil over. michael already took that scenario to the max and mary already dumped john so there’s really not much left to be afraid of. i think he gets told “that’s not your job” a lot and maybe listens more than he used to. and to bring us around to the second question...

i also think dean would get weirdly hung up on the fact that he and cas’s sex life is Not Normal - as in, they fooled around a little and that was it. i think dean would have a huge problem with that. like, obviously he has A Few Hangups About Gay Sex given his history but if you’re a couple you’re supposed to bang on the regular and it’s totally homophobic if he doesn’t bang cas as much as he’d bang a lady he was committed to, right? he’s not gonna give cas less than he gave cassie or lisa, that’s not fair to his best buddy and number one pal! 

meanwhile castiel, known asexual, is utterly and wildly neutral to the whole idea except that it’s a way to be close to dean. cas would be just as happy fucking like champions for a six-hour marathon or spending that same six hours curled up in bed together while he plays with dean’s hair. like, same diff. you know that thing about like “cas thinks everything is important he gives the same gravitas to the apocalypse and a nine year old’s birthday party”? like it’s exactly like that with sex and cuddling and sharing a meal together and driving together and watching dumb movies like it’s all time spent With Dean so it all matters just as much.

so we have this conflict where dean is tearing himself apart over the fact that he’s taking a normal human amount of time to “work up” to the whole thing and cas is like. but it’s fine. it’s literally fine. and dean’s reaction to this would be something very offended like hello excuse me i am super hot and fuckable and you don’t WANT me?

if this all sounds familiar that’s because i’ve written similar stuff to it before! if you go to the fic page for broken road, you'll see it's part of a series now (the "triptych"), with my dumb little 15.18 fixit as the prequel. even though continuity-wise these are two totally separate fics i feel very strongly that that fic is the spiritual prequel to broken road, and eventually, a long time from now, after the next @cambionverse​ fic is done or at the very least well underway, i'd like to write a spiritual sequel. a triptych is three works that stand on their own but also make a more complete whole, so even though these three stories would not be related at all in continuity of where they take place in canon, they each set the stage at a different part of the dean/cas relationship. so fic #1, the get-together, had no sex at all, and it was very short. fic #2, pre-established but just barely, had a little sex in it and it was very long. fic #3 then would be pre-established but like VERY pre-established and have a fuckton of sex in it, and be medium length. i’m ha ha basically writing my own nc-17 porn coda since SOMEBODY won’t do it for me (if you got that joke you’re entitled to financial compensation). 

except i actually really do want to tackle this subject myself, it’s stuff i only got to touch on in the other fics because it felt off topic, so in this fic it WOULD be the topic! i really found a groove i like with cas who has almost no trauma around sex but doesn’t care whether or not he has it vs dean who really really wants to have sex but has a minefield of past bad experiences he has to watch out for. and i like writing porn anyway and i didn’t get to write very much these past two fics. i’ve always said that i think dean would snowball (not like that, gross) - it’d take him FOREVER (literally a decade plus) to work up to kissing cas but a fraction of that time to start fooling around with him and a fraction of THAT time to blow him etc etc. the more he does the easier it gets. i feel like it’d be a lot of fun to write. 

so, this third fic would not be an official broken road sequel, because there’s almost no plot outside of the porn to speak of anyway, but if what you wanted was to see how the dean/cas went from where it left off, hopefully that will be satisfying in that regard.

i should say, while the third fic would be almost exclusively porn there is one plot element involving ********** that i am not going to talk about on tumblr because it would ruin the surprise. i have told a few people privately and i will tell you if we know each other pretty well but if you know (or guess) don’t tell anyone! 

see, the other thing i would want to tackle in that fic is how cas has his own traumas and baggage, even if they’re a little different from dean’s, and i think dean sometimes gets so deep in his own stuff he kind of...not forgets that exactly but forgets how profoundly it still affects cas, because by and large cas deals with that sort of thing a lot more quietly and in much healthier ways than dean does. not that his self-sacrificing ass is the poster child for mental health, but for example cas recognized suicidal ideation in himself and actively worked to keep himself away from situations that would make it worse. he translates his bad feelings into meaningful action (well, he attempts to, even if it usually goes wrong). so he hurts kind of quietly and in late season especially most of the worst moments of his life are behind him (barring jack’s death, which doesn’t happen in this verse). so he’s also further along in his healing process which mean dean kind of forgets how fucked in the head he can be. and in the uh...unusual situation...they find themselves in because of this minor plot, it becomes something that he can’t not notice, that they can’t just not talk about, and cas gets to lean on dean a little, they sort of get to know each other better. so that’s part of the point of that one little plot element. but the rest of it really is porn.

i haven’t started work on the third fic yet - i don’t have a title and my outline is just a bunch of choppy ideas and i have about 2000 words of the middle of the fic jotted down out of context. (it was originally going to be a shorter unrelated thing before i realized how well it tied to what i already had.) i have another obligation to see to before i can get started on it (again, @cambionverse​, you should read it if you havent, the concept might sound unappealing but almost everyone who tries it likes it and it’s way better than broken road). so it’ll probably happen a very VERY long time from now! but it IS happening. >:) i just hope after the first two fics in the triptych were so well received that it doesn’t disappoint 🥺

[dcforts]

[foosball]

They’ve got a foosball table now.

Dean spots it by the side of the road, one leg bent, a little rusty, the glass smashed in and a couple of men’s heads cut off. He goes back to load it on a truck and bring it home and Sam’s bewildered face when he unloads is enough to pay off for the extra journey, even if his “Ta-da” has no effect whatsoever not on him, nor on Jack who clearly has no idea what that thing is.

Dean doesn’t care, he’s too excited.

It’s not like he’s ever been a champion at it, but if someone asks him that’s Sam’s fault: he’s always been too young and not enough competitive and Dean just didn’t have anyone else to play with and never enough time at the arcade to practice.

But now, he’s got one all for himself. He cleans it up and fixes it up the best he can and his excitement grows and grows.

And then it plummets like a sinking ship when he finally gets his chance to play and Jack kicks his ass ten times in a row.

Sam is no help: one, the more Dean gets frustrated the more he laughs at him, and two, he’s now too big to fit on the same side as Dean so he can’t even team up with him. And no, winning with Jack against Sam doesn’t count.

“He’s just a kid,” Sam laughs when Dean voices his suspicious on Jack using his powers to beat him.

“That’s not the point!” he retorts and then retires to his room to grumpily listen to music for the rest of the night.

Hope comes back full force the next afternoon in the shape of two familiar shoulders covered by a trenchcoat. He finds them in the library, sitting at one of the tables. Cas has a laptop open in front of him and he is intent on consulting a news website, one index finger moving slowly on the touch pad.

Dean circles the table to stand in his field of vision and points one finger at him. “Foosball,” he says, serious.

Cas looks up at him and his expression stays neutral. “It’s a table top game.”

“I kn- ,” Dean rolls his eyes. “What do you know about it? How good are you at it?”

“I never played.”

A wicked grin stretches on Dean’s face. He puts both palms on the surface of the table and leans in.

“I propose an alliance. You, me, against the giant and the kid. What you say?”

Now Castiel seems confused and slightly alarmed, not exactly enthusiastic at the idea of being dragged in a situation that would likely make him uncomfortable. He gapes at him like a fish.

Dean keeps going. “I secretly train you to be the best foosball player on Earth and then we crush them”, he says it closing a fist in mid-air.

“I don’t know -”

“Hell, maybe you’re a natural, just like Jack. And I’m not above using a little bit of angelic powers to cheat. I’m pretty sure he’s not playing clean either.”

“Dean -,” he starts, but Dean takes hold of his trechcoat sleeve and tugs at it. “Come on, before they see us.”

*

Cas is definitely not a natural. Which doesn’t turn out to be such a bad thing after all because that means that Dean gets to win a match for the first time since he got the table.

And it’s a good thing also because, unlike Sam, Cas is competitive, and the fact that he seems unable to properly coordinate to move a few rods and excel at a stupid human game bothers him greatly, so he focuses like his life depends on it until he finally wins a match. After the shot that seals the match, he looks up at Dean, genuinely pleased, “I won,” he states, almost incredulous.  

Dean feels giddy. He smiles back at him.

*

So now with a fourth guy, Dean can finally have his long sought balanced match.

Sam and Jack make fun of him for how badly he wants a rematch, but after they lose two matches in a row against Dean and Cas, a thick silence falls into the room, broken only by rare grunts and the sound of the ball rolling around on the table.

In only a day, Cas’s got incredibly good. He has the great ability to always anticipate Dean’s intentions, and moves his bars to accommodate his strategy. It’s like, in addition to learning the rules of the game, he learned how Dean plays and that makes him the best teammate Dean could ask for.

They only share a satisfied smile the first times they close a match. Dean is too busy shoving it in Sam and Jack’s face, really. But on the third match, they’re head to head and the adrenaline’s pumping and on the last ball, Cas’ goalie blocks Sam’s shot with a swift and clean movement and sends the ball flying back quick like a rocket on the other side of the field and into their goal with a clunk, and Dean is so surprised and amazed that he lets out a shout and raises his fists in the air.

Jack and Sam are groaning and calling for a time out and Cas is smiling at him, his hands still on the rods, content to just stand there and watch him bouncing on his feet like a child. Dean is so euphoric that he shouts, “That was awesome,” and cups Cas’ face in his hands and leans in to smack a loud kiss on his cheek, only Cas startles at the unexpected contact and Dean’s lips end up pressing dangerously close to his mouth.

So if they lose the next two matches it’s entirely his fault.

As soon as he realizes what’s happened, he drops Cas’ face like it’s a hot potato and they look at each other alarmed. That kind of unbalances the whole thing; Dean’s ears keep ringing and Cas keeps messing up too, unable to focus.

They lose the third match in a row and Dean doesn’t even make fun of Sam and Jack when high-five three times with both hands as if they’re five years olds because he’s busy being too aware of the tension on his side of their table.

With three matches each, they decide, whoever wins the next one, is gonna win it all. Dean calls a time out and pushes Cas to the side.

“We need to get it together.”

“Dean -”

“Cas, let’s just focus on the match. No distractions, okay?”

Cas nods reluctantly. “No distractions.”

And so they play, slightly better, but still struggling.

And then there’s one ball left.

Jack and Dean do a little bit of a silly ritual, taking turns blowing on it and then Jack presses it against his chest, closes his eyes and says, “If you make me win, this will be one of the best days of my life.”

“Yeah, alright, just play,” Dean mocks him, but when he looks towards Cas and Sam they both look like they fell for his little act.

So Dean is not exactly surprised when Jack gets a chance for a clear shot and Cas just – doesn’t catch it.

Dean sees clearly the way he pulls his rod ever so slightly to allow the ball to go in. He sees the way he looks immediately up to Jack not to miss his face light up. The way he smiles fully, with crinkles on the corner of his eyes and all, as Jack laughs and cheers with Sam, and then Jack is pointing at him and Dean has to take his eyes off of Cas and deal with the obnoxious truth that they lost. He lost. Again.

But Cas is pleased, and Jack has stars in his eyes and Sam is having fun - although at his expenses - so Dean doesn’t even think about complaining, or calling bullshit, or asking for a rematch.

*

After dinner he says he’s going to bed but quietly sneaks into Dean Cave once again to watch tv. Cas finds him anyway, even if the lights are off and the volume is set very low.

He comes in like he knew exactly that he was going to be in there. “You alright?” he asks.

Dean says, “Yeah.”

Cas doesn’t occupy the other empty chair, but comes to hover next to Dean’s until he moves his left arm and he can perch on the armrest. It’s an usual position but not an unusual closeness and Dean feels warmed by the familiarity of it.

“Sorry about earlier. I know you wanted to win.”

Dean shrugs. “It’s okay. It was fun, wasn’t it?”

“Yes,” Under the light coming from the tv screen, Cas presses his lips together, looking troubled. Dean knows he’s about to confess, so with a small smile he anticipates him: “I know what you did. There was no way you couldn’t have caught that shot.”

Cas lowers his head, showing guilt.

“It’s fine.” he reassures him before he can say anything. “It was nice seeing him happy.”

Cas nods and his leg bumps against Dean’s knee and that prompts a quirk of lips. Dean feels the need add something about earlier.

“And – I guess I-, sometimes I get a little too excited over stupid stuff. Sorry for throwing off your game. T’was an accident.”

Cas is silent for a long moment and Dean can’t guess what he’s thinking from his expression cause he’s very intent on looking at a randomly selected spot on Cas’ dress pants.

Then Cas says, “No need to apologize,” and there is a warm hand on his shoulder and Dean finally looks up. Cas has a smile stretching his lips and Dean can’t believe that just hours before his mouth was so close to them it almost touched them. “Do you want to play now? I can let you win,” he teases.

“Hey!” he protests, but with no real heat in it, “I don’t need you to let me win.”

Cas raises his eyebrows and tilts his head as if he’s sorry for him, “You sure?”

“Oh, that’s how you wanna – okay, smartass, you’re on. But -” Cas is about to stand up and Dean stops him with a hand on his tight. Cas stares at the hand and then up at Dean. “- not now? Let’s play another day.”

“Okay,” says Cas and sounds a little breathless. Dean smiles bravely, hoping he doesn’t look too scared. He doesn’t remove his hand.

“Wanna stay here? Catch a movie?”

Cas nods and as Dean presses play on the remote he shifts on the armrest to get comfortable and moves his hand to entwine his fingers with Dean’s.

A long time passes before either of them says anything. They stay absolutely still, watching straight ahead the one minute fifty-six seconds of opening credits as if it’s the most interesting thing they’ve ever seen.

And only when Dean is sure he’ll be able to hear his voice above his own heartbeat again, and the world didn’t end and nothing terrible happened and Cas didn’t just suddenly change just because their hands touched, he casually calls: “Hey Cas?”

Cas seems to relax as well when he hears his voice. He looks back at him, “Yeah?”

“Jack cheats, right?”

Cas huffs a laugh, “No.”

Dean slides down in his chair and pouts, “Damn it.”

[siriusbunbryist]

In defence of Abed x Annie.

Thanks to the magic of Netflix, I’ve rewatched Community at age 24, and still found Abed and Annie to have hit the heartstrings as much as I did when I was in high school watching the show for the first time.

But watching the series in its entirety just reinforces my thought that Abed and Annie had so much potential that was wasted, and it’s a shame that the writers planted all these seeds to only decide that perhaps this direction was not worth it / too risky / unfavoured by the audience. But I mean, Alison Brie herself (and I’m assuming Danny Pudi as well) endorsed them! Find here and here.

This was a pairing that with all the crumbs scattered throughout the show (I think we are all aware of these crumbs I speak of), could’ve easily played the “oh we’ve been secretly dating this whole time” trope during the last episode and it would’ve still made sense.

Naturally I did some scoping, and of course unsurprisingly the J.eff x Annie pairing takes the cake, while not a lot of love for Abed x Annie. So here are common points of contentions I see surrounding Abed and Annie, and my rationale on them.

Before I start, a note - I fully respect the J.eff x Annie ship and I don’t intend on starting a ship w.ar/debate. I understand where their support comes from! I just needed to vent because no one else in my social circle watches this show. No hate please.

1. Abed doesn’t see Annie romantically

I think on the contrary it’s been set up rather long ago that Abed at the very least is attracted to Annie.

Exhibit A: “What are you making” in Beginner Pottery

Exhibit B: “Flat B.utt and the one Abed wants to nail” in The Art of Discourse

This video basically explains it! The summary: Annie is Pierce’s favourite, Pierce constantly insults Britta, therefore Britta is flat b.utt.

Exhibit C: Not even trying to hide it in Accounting for Lawyers

But, a romantic interest has to be further built upon finding someone attractive right? There has to be intrigue to their character, such as

Exhibit D: “I can only connect to people through... movies” in English as a Second Language

It is pretty obvious here that Annie is a rare someone who has successfully broken the impartial screen that Abed filters everything through. Jeff saw it too which is why he said Annie was the ark of the covenant before Abed fell for her disney face. I can only imagine Abed to be quite struck with Annie’s infiltration.

A romantic interest should also share common interests, such as

Exhibit E: “Which makes Annie is my third favourite show” in Paranormal Parentage

I’ve said before that for Abed, a guy who lives life and communicates through comparing it with television and movies, it’s not unthinkable for him to be attracted to someone who genuinely watches his favourite shows and commits to roles during cosplay. And who, besides Troy, would fit this profile? Annie. 

And finally, the biggest indicator of it all, we also see how Abed views the Jeff and Annie pairing in everyone’s favourite episode Remedial Chaos Theory. Keeping in mind that the timelines are rendered by Abed, out of all the timelines, J.eff and Annie only kis.sed when Abed left the room for pizza. As well, as conjured in Abed’s head, Evil Jeff and Evil Annie only existed as a couple in the Darkest Timeline. To me at least, it’s arguable that this alludes to Abed’s omniscient “director” standpoint that he may be the obstacle in the Jeff and Annie relationship - pointing towards him perhaps harbouring feelings for Annie.

2. Annie doesn’t see Abed romantically The general consensus on this point is that Annie is only attracted to Abed when he’s playing a character. I rather think that being attracted to someone, and being attracted to someone during role play, aren’t mutually exclusive. Let’s take a look at the different characters that Abed played.

Don Draper: serious, sophisticated, and smooth.

Han Solo: immature, flirty and a smarta.ss.

Batman: mysterious, complex, and brave.

Three different personas, yet Annie responded to all of them. Since the common denominator to all three is that they are played by Abed, I would like to offer a counterpoint that perhaps the attraction to Abed has always been there, it’s just emphasized when Abed plays a character. Who knows, role playing might even be Annie’s ki.nk. After all, during For a Few Paintballs More, it is shown that Annie is disappointed when Abed dropped the Han Solo persona after the battle ended.

Annie also loves big romantic gestures. Who’s better than doing that than Abed? Since the beginning, Abed has already been doing big romantic gestures of varying degrees for Annie. With this, it’s not ridiculous for Annie to see Abed as a romantic potential.

Exhibit F: Staying in a room for 26 hours in Social Psychology

Annie: You sat in a room for twenty-six straight hours. Didn’t that bother you?  Abed: Yeah I was livid.  Annie: Then why didn’t you leave?  Abed: Because you asked me to stay and you said we were friends.

Exhibit G: Rescuing her from “captivity” and inviting her to move in in Remedial Chaos Theory and Studies in Modern Movement (even Troy was surprised at Abed’s invitation)

Exhibit H: Tearing down the Dreamatorium in Studies in Modern Movement

Annie: What about the Dreamatorium? Abed: Oh it's staying. The Dreamatorium is more important than any of us. But you're more important than our bedroom so we put the bunk bed in the blanket fort.

Bonus: Confirmed by Alison Brie

3. The show was about Jeff and Annie

Dan Harmon said that Community’s approach is that anything and any pairing is possible. We see this is as the series started with the classic “player vs smart snarky girl” trope with setting up Jeff and Britta as the main pairing. We also see Troy and Annie as the potential B couple in the show. The writers also threw Pierce and Shirley, Annie and Britta, Dean and Jeff, and even Chang and Britta in for a laugh.

And then the show subverted this all by introducing Jeff and Annie, and made Troy and Britta a couple, showing us that Community is a show that intends on breaking these classic sitcom stereotypes by experimenting with different pairings. Abed and Annie was no exception to this, as the writers often pair them up in different shenanigans and hint at possible grounds to explore*.

A few examples: Han and Leia in For a Few Paintballs More, Hector the Well Endowed and the Elf Maiden in Advanced Dungeons and Dragons, spy partners in Modern Espionage.

No doubt that the show dabbled in and out of Jeff and Annie throughout the series. However, to say that Jeff and Annie was the primary pairing in the series would mean overlooking Jeff and Britta. Especially when Jeff and Britta have the whole love-hate dynamic, three(?) marriage close-calls, and emotional snippets such as helping Jeff reunite with his father in Cooperative Escapism in Familial Relations.

Anyway, not to discredit Jeff and Annie, but knowing that the show explores the possibility of different pairings**, why write off Abed and Annie?

* Not to mention that the cop pairing in The Science of Illusion was originally written with Abed and Annie in mind! ** We also see a stray Abed and Britta during Horror Fiction in Seven Spooky Steps.

4. Annie is in love with Jeff To keep this short and shipper-goggle free, Annie has said on numerous occasions that she’s in love with the idea of Jeff, not Jeff himself. Specifically this scene in Virtual Systems Analysis:

Abed as Annie: "…We love Jeff…" Annie: "No we don’t, we’re just in love with the idea of being loved. And if we can teach a guy like Jeff to do it, we’ll never be unloved, so we keep running the same scenario over and over hoping for a different result."

And this scene in Conventions of Space and Time:

Annie: All right, I may have been play-acting that we were married, and then the staff thought you were cheating, and I had to save face. Jeff: Do I have to worry about this? Annie: No, I was just daydreaming. I mean, I've married you at least a half a dozen times. And Troy. And Zac Efron.

Not to mention that their conversation in the finale says it all.

Jeff: I don't wanna be fine. I wanna be 25 and heading out into the world. I wanna fall asleep on a beach and be able to walk the next day, or stay up all night on accident. I wanna wear a white t-shirt without looking like I forgot to get dressed.* I want to be terrified of AIDS, I want to have an opinion about those, boring a.ss Marvel movies. And I want those opinions to be of any concern to the people making them. Annie: Well I want to live in the same home for more than a year, order wine without feeling nervous, have a resume full of crazy mistakes instead of crazy lies. I want stories and wisdom, perspective. I wanna have so much behind me I'm not a sl.ave to what's in front of me, especially those flavourless unremarkable Marvel movies.

*Shipper-goggle on: Part of me thinks this is a reference to Abed, whose iconic style almost exclusively comprises T-shirts. What Jeff is saying is that he wishes he is 25 again with his future open before him, someone who compatible with Annie, but here he acknowledges that he isn’t, and lets her go in the end.

5. Abed and Annie wouldn’t work as a couple Another point I see is that Abed and Annie are strictly platonic and are more like brother and sister. On the basis that they have made out a couple times and are attracted to each other, I would disagree with the sibling statement.  

Troy, in contrast to Abed, I think actually resembles a more sibling-like relationship with Annie. Although Troy and Annie have the strong friendship of Abed and Annie, when disregarding the high school crush stage of season 1, their storylines never dwelled further down an attraction path, nor was there any specific episode that was dedicated to a deep dive of vulnerabilities and confrontation between them. As a comparison, Troy and Britta had opportunities to explore these setups (Troy admitted to lying about his b.utt stuff story and Troy helped Britta face Blade) - an indication that Troy and Britta were heading into non-platonic territory. Jeff and Britta too, had several opportunities to confront their feelings (up till the very last season), a clear indication of a non-platonic relationship.

For Abed and Annie, what I think pulls their friendship towards actual love interest potential is best pinpointed to Virtual Systems Analysis. Annie’s participation in the Dreamatorium prompted her to not only fully submerge into the way Abed thinks and comprehends his surroundings, but she also got to understand and address Abed’s stubbornness and flaws in a vulnerable way, confronting some of her own flaws as well.

Abed as Shirley: Your hospital school, young lady, is a simulation being run through a filter of other people's needs. Abed's been filtered out because nobody needs him. Annie: I need him!

And to point out this little tidbit in VCR Maintenance and Educational Publishing,

Annie: That's why Abed is like a brother to me. You guys are so alike. Abed: I can't accept that based on one time machine story.

This whole episode, instead of establishing Abed is like Annie’s brother, I would argue is rather doing the opposite. Abed and Annie’s hyper antics in the episode were basically matched by Anthony and Rachel’s blatant indifference and confusion. For lots of Abed and Annie supporters, this episode was a major setback. But I think it instead highlights how in-sync they are with each other, which is a good thing.

Another point, despite Annie trying to prove otherwise, Abed and Anthony had different vibes, and each shared different dynamics with Annie. And as Anthony pointed out in the end, who were Abed and Annie trying to replace in the apartment? Troy. The person who they are trying to fill is Troy - their roommate, their brother, their best friend. Troy was the brother role that neither Abed and Annie can fill for each other.

In Basic Sandwich, we get this exchange:

Abed: The point is, this show, Annie, it isn't just their show. This is our show, and it's not over. And the sooner we find that treasure, the faster the Jeff-Britta pilot falls apart. Annie: Got it. Thank you, Abed. Abed: You're welcome. I have a girlfriend. Annie: What? Abed: You were about to start a kiss lean. Annie: I was not.

Not only did Abed saw right through Annie’s anxiety and comforted her in his own uniquely Abed way, but he also felt the need to remind her of his girlfriend. The fact that he broke the fourth wall here is likely the writers’ way to be meta, but simply acknowledging the tension and bond there says a lot in between the lines. If tension does not exist, there would be no need for this line.

Besides, instead of thinking that they’re strictly platonic (which of course is also okay), they would rather work great as a couple. In terms of opposites attract, Annie grounds Abed with just the right amount, while Abed clearly encourages Annie to be her true self and be immature. Such as this scene in Foosball and Nocturnal Vigilantism,

Annie: I’m following him.  Troy: You moving in here was supposed to tone us down!

Annie also doesn’t just tolerate Abed’s idiosyncrasies, she actually likes them and fully participates as multiple paintball games and cosplays would tell us. Special shoutout to the missing lovers footage in Wedding Videography, which through Britta, actually shows us that Annie is the only one who would go along with Abed’s projects - while Britta found the project extremely weird and unhealthy, Annie thought it was fun and commits well to her role.

And while others may tiptoe around Abed, Annie isn’t afraid to call Abed out when he’s out of line and makes a point to teach him about empathy in Virtual Systems Analysis. Remember that Britta tried teaching him this but it didn’t work as well.

I am Abed Nadir... And I don't know a lot of things everyone else knows. I wander the universe with my friend, Troy, doing whatever I want. Sometimes accidentally hurting innocent unremarkables. This week, however, Troy went to lunch and I adapted. I now have the ability to enter the minds of others using an elusive new technique known as "empathy".

As well as in the entire episode of Cooperative Polygraphy.

They also know each other best. Abed knew her cushion preferences, was the one who spelled out her true pas.sion for forensics, and after living together, Annie knew how to navigate Abed’s peculiarities and to soothe him whenever he had a nervous breakdown. 

Annie also knows him so well that she can predict his reaction.

They are also each other’s exception. Annie was always the one who manages to pull Abed out of a trance and back to reality, usually with touch.

Abed is also very forgiving with her. An example is when Annie seemingly lost all common sense because she broke Abed’s special edition dvd in Foosball and Nocturnal Vigilantism.

Annie: Well, Batman, on behalf of all of us that aren't perfect, can I just say I'm sorry I broke your DVD? Abed: Apology accepted. But I wouldn't mention it to Abed. That guy's pretty ruthless. And that's coming from Batman.

And in Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas, Annie was the only claymation doll that didn’t have a weird form (except Troy as toy soldier of course). Annie was a ballerina because Abed sees her as a creature of grace. Abed was also the first one who got her “brighter tomorrow” diorama and responded with enthusiasm.

They are also in the same stage in life. As Dan Harmon explains the choice of Abed and Annie being the ones who leave the group, with Troy gone, Abed and Annie symbolize the many possibilities of the future - a possibility that makes them viable. I like to think Annie transfers to the LA FBI office after her internship and they reunite.

And as the Spice Girls said, “if you wanna be my love.r, you gotta get with my friends”. In Paleyfest, Dan Harmon says this about whoever Troy and Abed ends up dating, “I mean a woman that comes into either of their lives is either going to drive them apart or she's going to have to be really accepting of a very special relationship”.

Britta tolerated their friendship but to a point of asking Annie to distract Abed for alone time with Troy, Troy dumped the librarian as she called Abed weird, Robin disappeared, Rachel we never got to see much of, but was pretty quiet and separated from the group. From this, logically speaking, Annie would actually be the perfect match for Abed, as we all know they’re the ultimate trio within the study group and a transition from friends to more will be natural. 

Oh, and, Abed is wrong. They’re not Chandler and Phoebe with little storylines together, they’re Chandler and Monica. 

Anyway, that’s it for my super long rant/analysis. Community the series is done and over, so there isn’t a need for any ship war. All I want to say is, if #andamovie happens, hopefully, the writers will actually take a leap.

[felixbrady]

it’s cee again , i hav no self control , let’s just leave it at tht shall we................ as always, details under the cut :-]

『EMILE WOON ❙ CIS MALE』 ⟿ looks like FELIX CRISPIN BRADY is here for HIS SOPHOMORE year as an ANCIENT HISTORY student.  HE is 22 years old & known to be CANNY, EXUBERANT, PRYING & FOOLHARDY. They’re living in PERKINS, so if you’re there, watch out for them. 

BACKGROUND

there’s an heir to the throne and felix is it. old, tarnished money and a house flanked by creeping ivy tucked away in new haven, connecticut, there’s little else he has to strive to when the silver spoon is unlikely to ever leave the mouth.

felix is the middle child - flanked by an older sister bound for pre-med at yale, a younger brother who returns home from school with bruised eyes and split lips from another needless fistfight, there’s little attention on him. it gives him a breathing space. an air free from the more insistent parental expectations. he only has to do one thing and that is to succeed. such a simple goal makes it easier to stomach the fact that his mother and father care little for him. he is pacified with money.

school is nothing extraordinary. private college after private college, a newly starched collar and blazer with it. behavioural problems, numerous deans call it. he thinks he’s just rotten. school is nothing more than a joke, a stepping stone, bursting at the seams with a swaddle of people who he can hardly call real friends, a different girl in his messages each month. eventually, there are party pills and vodka. it doesn’t matter, since his parents care more about his report cards returning home than him. graduation is a blur. he can’t wait to leave.

two wasted years are spent at cornell. he got into business, like his father wanted. he moved away, like his father wanted. he eventually dropped out, as he wanted. his mother wonders why when they look at his final grades. they can get him in anywhere, and his father quietly hopes it’ll be pre-law. something useful.

the final nail in the coffin should’ve been the ancient history course he took up at radcliffe. but his mother’s strangely overjoyed at the fact he’s closer to home. they say it’s because it’s a family tradition, of sorts. a rite of passage for those in the family. perhaps they can keep a better eye on him. it’s wishful thinking when a credit card is thrown his way and the occasional, obligatory phone call lights up on the screen. they are no more interested in him then they are his spending habits.

PERSONALITY & TRAITS

disgusting? 

sagittarius. idk what else to tell u

allergic to self care. under the layer of designer clothes and chatty personality is a hot mess

bunny corcoran w/out the raging homophobia n misogyny 

knows he’s queer but leaves it at that. probably trapped in a premature mid life crisis. identity is smth he does Not want to discuss 

the only reason he hasn’t been kicked out of perkins yet is because the ra’s who pull him up have often been bribed with money ( of his or his parents’ accord ) to keep their mouth shut and let him stay. having a family who’s donated to radcliffe for generations back also helps with the prestige. besides, he’s not caught all that often

is never not seen in fendi 

may also be spotted vomiting on his thousand dollar prada loafers at a party cos he’s all class

bit of a social butterfly - mostly to get in on the hushed conversations. he can easily connect with other people but it’s always superficial

hollow to his core and likes it that way. he isn’t bound to change and kick the bad habits despite how hard people he doesn’t deserve have tried to encourage him in the past

would actually go really far if he applied himself a little more. refuses to believe he can’t really get a better deal than ending up with the family business because his younger brother’s become a raging socialist and his sister has no interest in it

can read others surprisingly well - often makes a game of dragging quieter people out of their shells or getting a rise out of someone

WANTED PLOTS

friends ( don’t quote him on that tho ) he’s always seen with on campus and at parties. his posse, basically, though he won’t call you that to your face

that being said, an actual, genuine friend he doesn’t act like a complete bastard around

his dealer :/

ppl who can’t stand him

classmates he either annoys or secretly looks up to, studies with

i don’t wanna say he has fwbs coming in n out of his room like a lazy susan on a dinner table but like..... he’s slept around

unlikely friends - those outside of his immediate social circle. the kinds of people he hangs around to feel better about himself or honestly, makes him feel a little less tethered to the suffocating family he’s from

[giamia12]

BRIO Thoughts, 2x13 King

In my opinion, Beth shooting Rio was HEARTBROKEN Beth shooting Rio. So, yeah, she wasn’t herself, and probably seemed out of character. But she’s never really been heartbroken before. Not really. And, so, until now, we’ve never seen it. Well, this was it.

I know a lot of people were saying that Brio wasn’t in love yet, but in my opinion Beth was very much there. Or, pretty darn close to it. She had some hardcore feelings for this man, I think. Real, genuine feelings. She wanted him, and she thought they really, really had something (though she wasn’t entirely sure of what)... but then she ended up thinking he was just trying to put it all on her to take the fall for him and that, that had been been his plan all along. Even after everything they’d done together. It’s a parallel to Beth setting Rio up in the s1 finale, except now, Beth’s the one being set up by Rio (supposedly), but their relationship has deepened and heavily evolved since then (which is what makes this betrayal so hard to swallow). This is a man Beth’s slept with (and the first man other than Dean she’s probably EVER slept with), a man she trusted around her kids, a man she defended against her husband, a man she teased and joked around with, a man she wanted to leave her husband for (“then what do you want, mommy?”), a man she got to know on a professional and personal level, and probably the first man who’s built her up in TWENTY YEARS. And then this goes and happens.

You see this scene? It’s not about Beth having to do her job (washing money, dealing drugs, making drop offs, getting her hands dirty, etc). No, she ASKED FOR THAT. That isn’t what this scene is about, and you’re misinterpreting what she’s trying to say (and Rio possibly did too). It’s about him trying to put evidence on her, or it seeming like he had- for Beth to be the fall-guy if everything goes south, and for Rio to get away with his hands clean and cleared and empty. Beth felt that she shared a genuine connection and intimacy with this man (and she DID), but by the end she thinks it was just all one big set up for her to take the fall. The (apparent) cards fall into place for her. That broke her heart, and that’s what gave her the out-of-character courage to shoot him. The first shot at Rio was Beth thoughtlessly reacting out of pressure, the second shot was scared Beth reacting to Rio coming towards her, and the last shot was Beth and her broken heart putting an end to the cycle. That last one was personal.

I would also just like to make it a point to say that Beth has children too, guys. When she shot Rio, no, she wasn’t thinking about Marcus. She was thinking about her crushed feelings and how he used her, but also about how bad it would be for her OWN family if she went to jail; how bad it would be for her OWN kids. It’s sad that Marcus almost lost his Daddy, guys, yes, but this was retaliation- Jane, Danny, Kenny, and Emma could’ve almost lost their Mommy too. It was different from the Mary Pat situation (Beth didn’t let the thought of Marcus stop her from pulling the trigger), but it was because she could’ve come so close to losing her own kids and could’ve gone away for life if he set her up. People would defend Rio if it was the other way around and Marcus was at risk, so don’t use the Marcus card against Beth when she was at risk of losing the very same thing. Her kids are just as important and relevant as Rio’s son. Rio will always prioritize Marcus above all else, just as Beth will always prioritize Emma, Jane, Kenny, and Danny. Period.

The Beth and Dean comfort scene made sense. Dean was just there in that moment, so that’s why she went to him for comfort. And, in a sick way, Dean’s betrayal hurt less than Rio’s, because even though Beth married Dean, she never actually loved him. So Rio’s betrayal hurts- way more than Dean’s cheating and general treatment of her. Because she never loved Dean and she knew what to expect from him. But I think she loved Rio, or was close to it. At the very least, she had deep feelings for him. And she expected more from him. So, yeah, this was different for her. This was true heartbreak.

Beth’s happy by the end of the episode, after the shot, because she knows she’s not getting used anymore, that she’s no longer being humiliated and degraded through her manipulated one-sided feelings, and that she isn’t going to prison and gets to stay with her kids. But she’s not happy about Rio being “dead.” She’s happy with the results, but not what she had to do to get them. And I don’t think she’s actually coped with what she’s done yet. Beth’s not a killer. The “he’s gone” was about Turner. The “we can do this without him” was about Rio.

Maybe Rio did set Beth up, but if he did, I think it was a plan made earlier on in the season, or he’s only doing it now as a back up plan for leverage (like if she were to ever rat him out again like she did at the end of s1). Maybe he thought she ratted him out to the cops during her confession after a ton of cops showed up at her place, but then belatedly realized she hadn’t (but only after he had already made preparations and plans to get the heat off of him).

They’ve got trust issues, the both of them. Beth and Rio don’t TALK to each other or communicate, which makes things so much worse and adds fuel to the fire. They don’t ever fully work together- they have their own side plots and plans that they don’t talk about with each other, which inevitably ends up pissing the other one off or making them feel that they’re secretly plotting to hurt the other. Rio could’ve had a reason for putting everything in her name, as she’s a resourceful woman. But they don’t talk about what they’re thinking, or what they’ve been doing and why. They never tell each other what they’re thinking. How are they supposed to know what’s going on if they don’t talk to each other? They always assume the worst. They hide stuff from the other and it messes with both of their heads, making them think that something terrible is at work. So, what Brio really needs in S3 is to talk to each other (if that’s possible at this point). I think Jenna, in her own way, was confirming that they both have feelings for each other, but it feels like a one-sided thing to both of them. At least to Beth, but probably to Rio too. Jenna mostly talks Beth’s perspective and her perception of things (what she thinks and feels, her thoughts and actions), not clueing us in on Rio and leaving him a mystery. The show’s writers made Beth believe she was the only one who had true feelings so that she'd feel more used in the finale and so that it would click in her mind. And, therefore, in our minds as well. We have no idea what’s going on inside Rio’s head to make us think otherwise, and neither does Beth. We only see what she sees.

“That’s what I am? Work?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

But we know better.

[imagineteamfreewill]

Title: Deserve It

Pairing: Reader x Dean

Word Count: 4,657

Warnings: Alcoholism/mentions of treatment for alcoholism, and mentions of hospitals

Summary: The reader returns to Sam and Dean after an unannounced absence. Admitting her reason for leaving leads to two conversations, one she was dreading and one she’d never expected to have.

A/N: This is a commission. If you’re interested in getting a commission of your own, follow the link at the bottom of this fic for more details. And (as always), please leave feedback and enjoy!

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There were 27 missed calls and 15 text messages waiting for you when you finally turned on your phone. You swallowed hard when you scrolled through the list, noticing Dean’s name repeating over and over again, interspersed with calls from his younger brother and a few other hunters you’d worked with in the past. Tears brimmed in your eyes and you inhaled shakily, tucking the phone back in your pocket and shaking your arms out.

“I can do this. You can do this, Y/N,” you said aloud, trying to pump yourself up.

The cab driver leaned over to look at you through the passenger window. “You comin’, Miss?”

“Yes!” you blurted in response, and he raised an eyebrow. Taking another slow breath, you tried again. “Yes. I’m— I’m coming. I just… Can you give me one more minute?”

The driver sighed and straightened up again, mumbling something about getting paid, as you turned to look at the center workers who were watching you go from the front entrance of the building. One of them, upon seeing your hesitation, left her spot to come join you at the curb.

“You okay, Y/N?” she asked.

Her kind voice made you tear up again and you looked up at the sky to try and force the tears away.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” you told her. “I just… I’m nervous, I guess. 30 days isn’t a long time, but I didn’t tell any of my friends where I was. What if they think I’m…” You trailed off, not sure how to even explain what you were feeling.

“Weak? Ashamed? Not as worthy of their love and friendship as before?”

The woman’s words hit you hard and you felt a lump form in your throat. Clearing it, you forced a weak smile. “What are you, some kind of mind reader?”

She gave you a smile of her own, but hers was the kind that made your stomach and chest tighten. You didn’t deserve her kindness, not after all your mistakes.

“Y/N, you are still worthy of your friend’s love and companionship. You still deserve to live a happy life. We’ve all made mistakes, you just made different ones because of your circumstances. You’ve made it through so much and you’ve learned how to make better choices so that you can grow and thrive. How does wanting to live a good life and then learning how to make you weak?”

After a long moment, you met her eyes and nodded slightly. Your small smile was genuine this time around and you whispered a thank you as the woman pulled you in for a hug.

“Have a safe drive home, okay? And don’t forget that you can call us here, anytime, for any reason.”

You nodded. “I won’t,” you promised. “I’ll call if I need help. I want things to be better now, even if it’s hard.”

Ten minutes later, you were well on your way to Lebanon. It was a long cab ride, but the last little bit of money in your savings would be enough to cover the fare. The center had packed you some food for the ride and you unwrapped the sandwich as the driver merged onto the highway.

“You gonna be staying with some friends?”

You looked up, surprised that the driver was speaking to you. Swallowing your bite of food, you met his eyes in the rearview mirror.

“Um, yeah. Something like that,” you answered, thinking about your relationship with Dean before you’d broken off from your little trio. You’d flirted constantly, but it had never gone any farther than that. He’d mentioned a few times that he’d wanted to take you out on a date when you were in between cases, but it had never happened.

Partially because you spent every break on a bender, you chastised yourself.

“Well, I’m sure they’ll be happy to see you,” the driver replied. 

You gave the man a weak smile, wondering if he was right. You hadn’t told either of the boys where you’d gone when you’d disappeared after the hunt over two months ago, and after you’d been checked into Sunflower, you’d given up access to your phone. You knew that if Sam and Dean called, you’d go back into the hunting life and all the drinking that came with it, no questions asked. Once you’d gotten back a few days before your official release, it was dead. You hadn’t gotten up the nerve to charge it and check your messages until earlier that morning.

It was a four and a half hour drive to Lebanon, and the cab driver gave you a skeptical look when you stopped him outside the only bar in town. Consequently, you explained, it was also the only place that sold basic kitchen staples. He’d reluctantly agreed to let you out, and you’d headed into the store to pick up the order for Sam and Dean you’d placed before leaving town for your last hunt with them.

“Hey, Jackson,” you greeted as you stepped inside. You blinked a few times, allowing your eyes to adjust to the dim lighting of the bar, and gave the bartender a hesitant smile.

“Long time no see,” he replied. His expression was stony and you felt your smile falter as you approached the counter.

“I’ve been out of town.”

“If you came here to get drunk, Y/N, the answer’s no. I’m not servin’ you—not after last time,” he told you, his tone leaving no room for argument.

“I’m sober now.” Smiling weakly, you dug the thirty-day chip out of your pocket and placed it on the counter as proof, just in case he didn’t believe you. He’d have good reason not to; the last time you’d gone a while without drinking, you came in claiming that you’d gone sober and then drank so much you’d blacked out and ended up in the hospital. 

Jackson picked up the chip and inspected it carefully before breaking out into a wide grin. “So that’s where you’ve been?”

You nodded, relieved that he wasn’t immediately kicking you out and calling the boys to tell them you were back in town. The whole cab ride to Lebanon you’d been running the worst-case scenarios over and over in your head, and that had been one of them.

“Listen,” you began as you pocketed the chip once more. “Do you still have that grocery order I placed before I went off the grid?”

He shook his head. “Sam picked it up when they came lookin’ for you.”

Your heart sank. Those groceries were supposed to be your bartering tool. At least if Sam and Dean wouldn’t let you back to stay after you’d messed up, you could use the food to buy you a day or two in the bunker before you could find another old friend to stay with. That is, if any of your old friends were still alive.

“I’ll let you start a tab, though,” Jackson offered a moment later, and you looked up at him.

“A grocery tab?” you asked.

The bartender shrugged, his smile turning kind. “Consider it a… 30-Days Sober present. Get whatever you need, alright?”

Smiling slightly, you nodded and made your way through the few aisles, grabbing the food you’d want for the road, as well as a few things to bribe the brothers with. Once you were finished, you carried your haul over the counter and let Jackson ring everything up. He placed the groceries in some bags for you, and you gave him another smile before stepping out of the store.

The cabbie was watching you from a parking spot alongside the opposite side of the street. You could see the concern on his face even from where you stood, so you quickly crossed the street and rapped twice on his window.

“I’m okay, I promise,” you said once he’d rolled down the glass.

“Your friends living in town?” he asked, glancing down at the load of grocery bags in both your hands. “You bought quite a bit of food there, Miss.”

You smiled at that. “They live just outside, but I’ll be okay. I don’t have any more money for you, anyway.”

The driver shook his head and unlocked the doors of the car for you. “Hop in. This one’s on me.”

Secretly, you were relieved that you wouldn’t have to carry the groceries, but you also felt the pit in your stomach grow a little bit bigger as you slid into the backseat of the cab. Would this man be treating you like this if you were a normal person? Or was he only being nice because he’d picked you up from the center?

Embarrassed tears welled up as the driver followed your directions, heading west out of town and into the thick forests that separated your town from the next. Once he was nearing the bunker, you had him stop at the first dirt road you could spot. Luckily, there was a mailbox posted at the end of it.

“Thanks,” you said after you’d gotten out of the car, leaning down slightly to look him in the eye as he rolled down the driver’s side window again.

“You sure you’re okay to walk?” he asked. “It’s getting dark.”

You nodded and mustered up another smile. “I’m sure. My friends aren’t big on strangers driving up their road. They’ve had a few incidents with people hitting trees…”

The man seemed to buy it and nodded in understanding. “I’d hate to hit my cab. She’s my life, besides my family.”

“Thanks for your help today. Have a safe drive back to Osawatomie, okay?”

After giving him another smile, you watched the man drive off. Once the bright yellow car was out of view, you turned and started walking the rest of the way to the bunker. Darkness fell quickly, just as the driver had predicted, but you kept on.

Finally, you arrived at the heavy metal door. Nervousness filled you, and your stomach was in knots as you pounded on the door. It took less than two minutes for Dean to appear on the other side, shock painted all over his face and his gun in hand.

“Y/N?”

You swallowed thickly, trying for a smile. You could tell that it wasn’t a very good one, but you continued anyway. “Hi. I brought groceries,” you added, lifting up the bags for him to see.

Dean just stared at you, dumbfounded, then angry. “Where the hell have you been? We’ve been trying to get ahold of you, but no one’s seen you!”

“Can I come in?” you asked. Glancing over your shoulder at the dark road, you shifted the bags in your hands. “These are getting heavy.”

After a second, Dean seemed to snap back to normal, and he quickly tucked his gun away and took the bags from you before leading you inside. 

Sam was sitting at the very end of the closest library table when you stepped out into the war room.

“Dean, who was—” He stopped when he saw you, setting his tablet down on the table with a look of shock. “Y/N. We thought you— We couldn’t find you.”

You tried again for a smile, but this one wobbled away so quickly that you had to look away. “I know. I’m sorry.”

Dean set the bags down on the war room table, staring at you in silence.

“The, uh, there’s cheese in there. It should go in the fridge,” you said, gesturing to the bags. When neither of the boys moved, you gathered up the bags in your arms again and made to go towards the kitchen.

“Wait, stop. Hold on a second.”

You turned, watching Dean carefully. His hand was raised and his eyes were closed as he tried to process your homecoming. You knew that your casual attitude wasn’t helping the situation, but more than anything you wanted to move on with your life as if nothing had ever happened.

“Y/N,” Sam started, and you looked over at him. “It’s not that we’re upset you’re back, but… What are you doing here? Where have you been? Why are you back now, and with— With—”

“With friggin’ groceries!” Dean snapped.

You flinched, your attention snapping back to him. “Dean, I—”

“We looked everywhere for you! Do you have any idea how worried I was, Y/N? You’ve been gone for 47 days!” Dean shouted.

Tears welled up in your eyes and you took a step back from him, hugging the groceries to your chest. “I said I was sorry. It was for the best that I left, even if I didn’t mean to at first. I wasn’t planning on going to Sunflower, it just kinda happened.”

“Sunflower?” Sam asked from the table, his expression kind. 

You nodded, your throat growing tight as you swallowed and looked between him and Dean. “I— I drank too much and woke up in a hospital. They admitted me to Sunflower for treatment for my—” You stopped, your voice faltering.

You can do this, Y/N. They said that this was gonna be the hardest part, but you can do it. It all gets easier after this.

“My addiction,” you finished after a second. “I went in for treatment for alcoholism.”

Sam and Dean stared at you in shocked silence, and after a long, uncomfortable moment, you cleared your throat and adjusted the bags in your arms.

“I’m gonna go put these away,” you said, quieter than before. “I just figured I owed you guys some food if I’m gonna stay here till I find somewhere else to go.”

Turning on your heel, you headed down the hall and into the kitchen. Busying yourself with putting the groceries away and tidying up the space wasn’t hard; it was pretty clear that neither Winchester had been interested in cooking or cleaning during your absence.

I always was the one to make sure that Sam cleaned up after himself when Dean wasn’t in the mood, you thought with a small smile.

“You could’ve called.”

The sound of Dean’s voice made you jump and drop your rag, your smile falling just as fast. After picking it up from the floor, you turned to see him standing in the doorway. All the anger had drained out of him, replaced with sadness and a deep, deep tiredness you’d only seen a few times in your years with him.

“I know. I’m sorry,” you answered, twisting and untwisting the rag as you spoke.

“Is that all you’re going to say?” he asked, stepping inside the room. 

You glanced down at the rag, not wanting to meet his eyes. “What do you want me to say, Dean? I was bad, but I’m trying to be better now. There’s not much else to it.”

“We would’ve come visit you.”

Shaking your head, you looked up and gave him a sad smile. “You drink. They wouldn’t have let you in. As it is, this whole place smells like booze. You guys smell like booze. It’s making me a little nauseous, and it’s hard to be here.”

“That’s why you’re leaving, then?” Dean asked.

“That and other things,” you answered after a moment.

They said honesty was the best policy, right?

Dean’s tired face betrayed the hurt he felt. “Other things?” he repeated. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

You sighed, your shoulders slumping. “Nothing, Dean. I just figured I’d make the decision before you and Sam had to.”

“What decision?” Dean asked, but you shook your head and turned away from him.

“I’m gonna finish up in here and then crash in my old room for the night, if that’s okay. I’ll be out in the morning, I just need to get some sleep before I keep going.”

Before you had the chance to push past him to leave, Dean grabbed your arm. His eyebrows were furrowed in confusion when you finally looked at him.

“You really think we want to kick you out?” he asked.

You nodded silently and watched him.

“Y/N… We would never do that to you. Why would you even think that? We’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“I’m an alcoholic, Dean,” you replied, your voice quiet. “Nobody wants to live with an alcoholic.”

“You’re sober, aren’t you?” You nodded and Dean continued, “Then you’re an ex-alcoholic.”

“It’s only been thirty days, that doesn’t really make me—”

Dean held up a hand to stop you. “I don’t care what it does and doesn’t make you. You’re my best friend.”

Hesitating, you looked away from him and glanced out into the hallway. You hadn’t expected Sam or Dean to insist on you staying with them in the bunker, and you had no argument for this.

“Dean…”

“There’s something else, isn’t there?” Dean questioned, dropping your arm. 

You nodded after a second. “I had to talk to a lot of people, go to a lot of group sessions and stuff. I’ve got meetings, and I’m not supposed to… I’m not supposed to be around anyone who drinks, especially people who were my drinking buddies,” you said. “At least not for a while.”

You couldn’t meet Dean’s eyes. Of course you’d told the people at Sunflower all about your late-night drinking sessions and after-work bar visits with Dean. He was your best friend. His company and the seemingly endless supply of alcohol that accompanied him had gotten you through some pretty rough nights. Now, after the fact, you knew that the excessive drinking hadn’t been the smartest decision on your part, but the parts of those nights that weren’t a blurry haze were some of your favorite memories with him. You and Dean had watched movies, shared stories, and laughed till you cried, and you wouldn’t trade that for the world.

“What if I stopped drinking? Sammy, too.”

Shocked, you looked up, meeting Dean’s gaze. “Stopped drinking?” He nodded. “Dean, I’m not gonna make you stop drinking just because I can’t. That’s not fair to you, and it’s most certainly not fair to Sam.”

Dean gave you a thin smile. “We don’t need it, Y/N. There’s tons of people who live their lives without drinking, and if they—”

“They don’t deal with the crap that you deal with, though.”

“But you do,” Dean argued. “And if you can be a hunter without the hunter’s helper, then we can too.”

You shook your head, smiling sadly. “Dean… I’m not a hunter anymore. I’m weak, and I don’t know if I can be in the life without relapsing. Besides, you two have always hunted better without me.”

“That’s a lie and you know it.”

“Let me go, Dean. Please,” you sighed. “It’s been a long day and I don’t want to argue. I just want to take a hot shower and get a full night’s sleep.”

Dean watched you for a long second. “Only if you promise not to leave before we can all talk about this like adults. If you’re going to leave, I don’t want it to be like this.”

Reluctantly, you nodded in agreement and made your way into the hallway. You were at the end of the hall, ready to head down the adjacent one that held your bedroom, when you stopped and looked back at Dean, who was watching you from just outside the kitchen.

“Thanks, Dean. I’ll see you in the morning,” you said, and the tension melted from his shoulders at your words.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

______________

When you got up the next morning, Sam and Dean were waiting for you in the library. You’d expected as much, so you left your phone in your room and poured yourself a cup of coffee before going to join them. Both boys straightened up in their chairs and fell silent when you walked in. Clearly, they’d been talking about you.

“So…” you said after a moment, sitting in a chair a few away seats from Dean. Sam stared at you from the other side of the table before glancing at his older brother expectantly.

Dean cleared his throat before beginning, “I told Sam what you said to me last night, about not wanting to stay.”

You nodded slightly, still holding onto your mug. “I figured as much. I wouldn’t have told you if I didn’t want Sam to know—you basically tell him everything.”

“I do not!” Dean protested, but Sam laughed.

“I’m assuming you’ve got an opinion about this,” you replied, turning to look at Sam.

“Of course I do. You’re one of my best friends, Y/N, and Dean doesn’t want you to leave, either.”

“Then I’m assuming he told you the reasons why I’m thinking about leaving?”

Sam nodded. “They’re valid reasons. I don’t blame you for wanting to leave.”

“So what are you saying, Sam? That you don’t want me to leave but that you’re okay if I do?” you asked. 

He sighed a little, shaking his head, and Dean jumped in before he could continue. “We talked about what I mentioned last night.”

“About you two going sober?” you clarified.

“We’re in,” Sam said once Dean nodded. “Dean dumped it all out this morning.”

You frowned, twisting in your chair to look at the alcohol cabinet tucked in between two of the library shelves. It was empty and you mouth felt dry as you turned back around to face them.

“You dumped it out,” you said, and Sam nodded with a small smile. “Guys, you didn’t have—”

“We didn’t have to,” Dean interrupted. You opened your mouth to argue, but he held up a hand and continued, “We know. We want to, Y/N, for you. If us drinking means that you can’t stay, then we’re not going to drink. We’ll find another way to deal with the stress—together.”

Tears burned in your eyes and you looked up at the ceiling, trying not to cry. A hand squeezed yours and you looked back down to find Dean standing beside your chair. You smiled at him in disbelief, and reached up with your free hand to wipe away a tear that had escaped despite your efforts.

“Dean…”

“It’s okay,” he soothed. He took the chair beside your own then took both your hands and squeezed them gently.

You shook your head as negative thoughts started forming and your smile quickly began to fade. “I don’t deserve this. I was in the hospital. I almost died. I was an idiot, and then I—” You choked on the words, shaking your head again as you remembered waking up in the hospital that morning. Their words were permanently burned into your memory.

You almost died, Y/N. Either you give this up, or life as you know it will cease to exist.

Sure, the words had been harsh, but they’d been exactly what you’d needed to hear. They’d shocked you into realizing that your drinking had not only harmed you to the nth degree, but you’d also hurt everyone else in your life. They had been well aware that you had a drinking problem, and their lives had slowly been adjusted, one by one, so that they too revolved around the number of drinks you’d had.

“Who said anything about you deserving or not deserving this, Y/N?” Dean asked.

You looked up and met his eyes, sniffling as you wiped away another tear. “What?”

“I mean, obviously you deserve to be happy and feel safe wherever you’re living—you’re an amazing woman and an even better hunter—but we’re not giving up drinking just because you deserve it. We’re giving it up because we love you and because you make sacrifices for the people you love.”

“He’s right. We love you a lot, Y/N,” Sam added.

Looking between them, you felt the lump in your throat grow tenfold. “Sam, Dean… I— I don’t know what to say.”

“Then don’t say anything,” Dean said, squeezing your hands again. “Just promise me that you’ll stay. I don’t want to live this life without you.”

You nodded frantically and let out a happy sob, finally letting yourself smile again as Dean pulled you into a hug. Closing your eyes, you sank into his embrace. He smelled like soap and gunpowder, but the scent of yesterday’s whiskey was completely gone. 

“How many times did you shower?” you asked as you pulled away, laughing. Dean only grinned in response, and you got up to give Sam a hug, too.

Just before he pulled away, Sam whispered in your ear, “He really does love you, Y/N, and not just as a friend.”

You blinked, staring up at him in surprise. His only answer to your unspoken question was a small smile, and then he was patting Dean on the back and heading towards his room.

Turning around, you saw Dean staring at you from his seat.

“What?” he asked.

You shook your head, eyebrows furrowed as you tried to wrap your mind around what Sam had told you. “Nothing. He just said something to me and it was weird.”

Dean frowned. “What’d he say?”

Don’t tell him. If you tell him and it’s not true, you’ll ruin everything that just happened.

“Y/N? You okay?”

“He said you loved me?” you asked, not quite meeting Dean’s eyes. “Not as a friend, but… more than that. Is that true, Dean?”

He didn’t answer and you risked lifting your eyes the last bit of distance to meet his. Dean’s gaze was locked on you, his eyes wide.

“Yeah,” he said after a minute. Clearing his throat, he tore his eyes away from yours and rubbed the back of his neck. “It is, but it’s okay. You just got back, I don’t expect you to—”

“I love you too,” you interrupted. “I think I have for a while now. I thought about you a lot while I was in treatment, and I think they got sick of me talking about you.”

The corner of Dean’s lips quirked up slightly as he looked back up at you. “S’that so?”

You nodded, offering him a tentative smile. “Yeah.”

The library was quiet as you made your way back to his chair. Dean stood as you took the last few steps, and only then did you realize how close you’d gotten. One more step and your chests would be touching. You watched Dean in silence. Years of hunting together had taught you that the look in his eyes meant that he was unsure about what to do next. His eyes flickered down to your lips, and after a moment you smiled softly and slipped one arm up around his neck. You stepped even closer and Dean swallowed, searching your eyes.

“You can kiss me, Dean. It’s okay. I want to, too.”

That was all the encouragement that Dean needed. He leaned down, kissing you sweetly and only deepening it when you pressed yourself further against him and brought your other hand up to his neck. His lips were warm and soft against yours, and you found yourself smiling into the kiss just as he pulled away. 

“What?” he chuckled, his breath brushing over your lips and cheek as you grinned and rested your forehead against his shoulder, moving your arms to wrap them around his waist.

“That was incredible,” you said with a grin. You felt giddy, and like you were floating. If he kept kissing you like that, you knew you’d have a hard time ever bringing yourself back down to earth. “You’re good at that.”

Dean laughed again and wrapped his arms around you, hugging you and pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “Yeah?”

You nodded against his shoulder, licking your lips. “Yeah. Five stars.”

He laughed again, this time a little louder, and you smiled even wider as you felt it reverberate through his chest.

“I’m glad you’re sticking around, Y/N.”

“Me too, Dean. Thanks for everything.”

_______________

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[seven-oomen]

Okay, I’ve managed to scrape back up some of the thoughts that were drifting in and out yesterday.  I was trying to think of stuff I remembered from high school (what hasn’t been lost to an ADD haze at this point anyway) that might be interesting/cute to see crop up in the prequel.  For example; we know Peter played basketball, but did he or anyone else participate in any other extracurriculars or sports?  Student council?  Debate team?  Academic team?  French club?  Band/orchestra/choir?  Cross country/Track?  Ecology club?  Gay/Straight Alliance?  Martial arts?  Science club?  Softball?  Pagan Student Union (I think that might have been a college thing, but whatever)?  Art club?  Cheer/gymnastics?  Other things I’m forgetting right now?

Speaking of Peter and basketball- Did the gang ever go to his games?  Did he have supportive sports boyfriends; did they make cute signs or run to hug him if Beacon Hills won?  (Did we ever find out Peter’s jersey number?  I legit can’t remember.)  Did he bother to get a letterman jacket?  If so, did he give it to either of the boys?  (Or did he just get two?  I forget how/when you got patches, I wasn’t much for that sort of thing.  I think maybe I got one for softball at some point?)  I love him with the leather jacket, I just thought it was a cute image.  Did they get class rings (and exchange them)?

Also, yearbooks.  Who all actually had their picture in the yearbook?  Did Peter shake his hair over his eyes to block the weird reflective thing (and would that work)?  Did they pop up in any group shots or candid pics?  I had a mental image of a shot from some sort of home game, maybe for football, or girl’s basketball, or something, of the group of them clustered on the bleachers; Peter between Chris and Noah, with an arm thrown around each’s shoulders, his smiling face pressed into one of them’s hair (I can’t decide which) partially to prevent any reflection, partially just because; Chris holding the hand Peter has wrapped around him with one hand and with the other stretched across to rest on Noah’s knee, smiling in the genuine yet vaguely stilted way of someone who’s not used to being this happy yet; Noah with one arm wrapped around Peter’s waist, his other hand resting on the one Chris has on his knee, staring at the camera with an amused grin that’s flirting right on the edge of a smirk; Claudia cuddled up to Noah’s side, both hands wrapped around the top his nearest arm, head leaning against his shoulder, grin clear and bright and open; Melissa next to her, arms enveloping Claudia in a loose hug, camera catching her mid-laugh.  (God, I really wish I had something approaching passable art skills at times like these.)  Maybe the kids find a copy of that yearbook in the school library, and make framed copies of the picture for Melissa and their dads for a gift.

Do you have any plans to cover Prom?  Or any school dance (Homecoming, maybe?), really, Prom is just the big one.  Because part of me with never be over the ridiculousness of that scene with Peter and Allison at Macy’s (as cute as it is).  Random middle-aged dude walks up to teenage girl and starts offering her unsolicited fashion advice (as part of an intimidation tactic against her boyfriend, no less), and she not only is not worried or weirded out in the slightest, but she actively takes his advice and buys the dress he suggests.  (I legit laughed so hard I snorted when I realized it was the same dress.)  (Momentary segue: Do you think she ever described the encounter to Chris?  Peter just gets a random angry text one day from an unknown number that just says “Stay the hell away from my daughter!” and he just knows, so he sends back “Don’t blame me, her selections were utterly abysmal.  Didn’t your wife run a boutique or something?  You’d think she’d have taught her better."  Chris never does answer back.)  But anyway, yes, school dances with that group could be entertaining.  Sneaking off (for various reasons), special song dedications, spiking the punch with assorted substances, inappropriate dancing under the cover of semi-darkness.  Lots of potential shenanigans.

Also can’t wait to find out more about how everybody met.  One of the things I love about long-running series is being able to go back and compare where characters began their relationships versus where they end up.  We’ve seen how Chris met the boys, but not Claudia or Melissa.  (Did he already know Melissa?  Was she still a hunter at that point?)  We know how Noah and Claudia met, but not how Peter and Noah met, or Peter and Claudia, or how any of them met Melissa.  Plus all the potential bonus drama because of the supernatural issues involved.  When did Claudia and Peter realize what Elias was really like?  (Did Claudia ever give either of the other boys a "shovel talk”?)  How did Melissa’s relationship with Rafael develop?  How did the rest of the gang get along with the assorted Hales (or did they know them at all)?  And re: the preview for it you posted - what kind of car does Peter have, and can you comfortably fit three growing boys in the back seat?  (I do occasionally remember to ask the important questions, lol.)  Is the Jeep still Claudia’s here?  What kinds of vehicles, if any, do the others have?  (Can you tell I’m excited about the prequel?)

Bonus thought from last night -  

Me: *trying desperately to fall asleep so the day can just be over*

My brain:  So what about a vaguely, very loosely Breakfast Club inspired Chris/Noah/Peter fic?  Like, Chris could be Emilio Estevez’s character, and Noah could be Judd Nelson’s, because Andrew’s damage is more internally focused (I can’t live up to my father’s expectations because I’m not good enough), where as Bender’s is more externally focused (I’m pissed that my dad treats me this way because he’s an asshole, but also secretly worry I actually deserve it).  Peter could be Claire; popular, charming, probably more intelligent than they let on, emotionally distant and neglected.  Claudia’s probably the best fit for Allison, although you could maybe make Melissa work.  Finstock is totally Brian.  Could we shove Harris back in time to make him Dean Vernon?  It’s fic, you can totally do that sort of thing, right?  I mean, you’re already planning to completely redo the relationships, so who cares, right?  Who would be Carl, though?

Me:  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, BRAIN, NOT NOW!!!  PLEASE JUST SHUT UP AND GO TO SLEEP ALREADY, I’M BEGGING YOU!!  NOW IS NOT THE TIME!  WE CAN THINK ABOUT THIS TOMORROW!

My brain:  …okay but seriously; Peter in a peach colored v-neck and overly snug khakis, Chris in that wrestling top, Noah in the trenchcoat and plaid…  Do you think Peter could do that lipstick trick with a chapstick?…

Me:  AAAAUUUUGGHH!!!

(Thankfully, sleep was at least eventually had.)

I’m glad you’re feeling better today, and hope that work was busy enough to pass the time quickly without being overwhelming, and blissfully free of excessive stupid people.  As someone else stuck in the world of heat, storms, and humidity, you have my sympathy.  Sending hugs and cooling vibes!

Alright so I finally got some time to sit down (or lie down technically) for this and go through it. I’m excited!

we know Peter played basketball, but did he or anyone else participate in any other extracurriculars or sports?  Student council?  Debate team?  Academic team?  French club?  Band/orchestra/choir?  Cross country/Track?  Ecology club?  Gay/Straight Alliance?  Martial arts?  Science club?  Softball?  Pagan Student Union (I think that might have been a college thing, but whatever)?  Art club?  Cheer/gymnastics?  Other things I’m forgetting right now?

Speaking of Peter and basketball- Did the gang ever go to his games?  Did he have supportive sports boyfriends; did they make cute signs or run to hug him if Beacon Hills won?  (Did we ever find out Peter’s jersey number?  I legit can’t remember.)  Did he bother to get a letterman jacket?  If so, did he give it to either of the boys?  (Or did he just get two?  I forget how/when you got patches, I wasn’t much for that sort of thing.  I think maybe I got one for softball at some point?)  I love him with the leather jacket, I just thought it was a cute image.  Did they get class rings (and exchange them)?

I think Chris was a cheerleader at some point. He wanted to join gymnastics like in his old school, but BH didn’t have a separate gymnastics team, so he joined the cheerleaders instead. His dancing skills are abysmal, but he makes up for it with gymnastic skills, strength, and agility.

Peter’s on the student council I like to think he would do well as the secretary but I also feel like he’d definitely try to run for president.

Noah’s on the Martial Arts team (couldn’t resist) and I like to think he’d participate in the  ROTC, as he served in the military in canon. (Obviously due to having children at 17, he never enlisted in this Au.) But the prepping definitely happened.

Chris would also join the swim team, which is a nod to Jackson joining later in Once Upon a Time.

And oh yeah, they went to every game. Chris as a cheerleader and Noah was up in the stands with signs for every single game. Claudia and Melissa often came with. Whenever BH won, Chris would run out and ‘cheer’ the star player, which was almost always Peter, and lift him up on his shoulders.

I don’t think there’s a canon answer for Peter’s Jersey Number. I’ve seen some places sell a shirt with 01 on it, but I kinda wanna say it’s 15. Due to his birthday being May 15 in this au. (Chris’s is July 22nd, Noah’s is September 14th.)

I feel like Peter got a class ring, maybe Noah, but Chris didn’t bother. It would just be one more thing his father could potentially take from him and he wouldn’t need something like that to remember the other two by. He already has the Triskelion necklace. As for the letterman jacket, I think Peter definitely got one, as did Noah. Chris once again skipped it, probably because he still felt like they might move at a moment's notice and he didn’t want to bother with all of these things.

Also, yearbooks.  Who all actually had their picture in the yearbook?  Did Peter shake his hair over his eyes to block the weird reflective thing (and would that work)?  Did they pop up in any group shots or candid pics?  I had a mental image of a shot from some sort of home game, maybe for football, or girl’s basketball, or something, of the group of them clustered on the bleachers; Peter between Chris and Noah, with an arm thrown around each’s shoulders, his smiling face pressed into one of them’s hair (I can’t decide which) partially to prevent any reflection, partially just because; Chris holding the hand Peter has wrapped around him with one hand and with the other stretched across to rest on Noah’s knee, smiling in the genuine yet vaguely stilted way of someone who’s not used to being this happy yet; Noah with one arm wrapped around Peter’s waist, his other hand resting on the one Chris has on his knee, staring at the camera with an amused grin that’s flirting right on the edge of a smirk; Claudia cuddled up to Noah’s side, both hands wrapped around the top his nearest arm, head leaning against his shoulder, grin clear and bright and open; Melissa next to her, arms enveloping Claudia in a loose hug, camera catching her mid-laugh.  (God, I really wish I had something approaching passable art skills at times like these.)  Maybe the kids find a copy of that yearbook in the school library, and make framed copies of the picture for Melissa and their dads for a gift.

Omg, my heart...

yes to all of this. Seriously <3

Do you have any plans to cover Prom?  Or any school dance (Homecoming, maybe?),

I do. In both stories. The canon school dance in Once Upon a Time. And the prequel will feature either a homecoming dance or prom. The potential for drama there is too good to pass up on.

Also, Peter giving fashion advice to the girls is way too funny because of course, he would. And to some of the guys as well. Seriously McCall... that’s what you’re going with?? Wear a fucking tux for Mel, jfc...

I feel really bad, but I actually never saw the Breakfast club, though it sounds like a really dope movie. And those visuals are very nice visuals ^^

I’m also writing all of these questions down for the prequel. XD This is awesome writing fuel <3

No but seriously, I don’t say this often enough, but you are awesome and I adore you <3 

Thanks for sticking with me and this au for so long already, I love talking to you.

[fandomoniumflurry]

Not the Norm

For @spnpolybingo

Square Filled: Cassie Robinson

3.1k words

Dean x Reader x Cassie

She never liked Dean. They never even tried to get along. Not that he was ever around long enough to get to know. There was just something about him that didn’t sit right with her. He was a pig headed egotistical bastard with a short tempered bad boy attitude. There was no way he was good enough for her best friend and she told Cassie that every day. She didn’t hide her feelings and opinions about Dean either. Probably why Cassie stopped inviting her around when Dean was in town. It was better to have her best friend mad at her for a day than ruin a day with her boyfriend that she rarely got to see.

Dean wasn’t exactly sure what he had done to make Cassie’s best friend hate him so much. Ever since the first day they met, they had just been at each other’s throat. For Cassie’s sake, he wanted to get along with her friend but that was hard to do when all he got were sneers and jabs from the woman. If he was honest, he’d say he was rather hurt. He really cared about Cassie and he would think her best friend would want that too. But instead of getting to know him, she just decided that hating him was a better plan. Cassie couldn’t even explain her behavior even though she tried to apologize for her friend. But she was her own person so Dean assured Cassie that nothing could be done. Didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try to form some kind of bond between the two of them.

The truth is Cassie was more than just a best friend to her. She was her everything. For years, she had sat around pining for the girl, claiming to be the best friend but secretly wishing that she was the one the mocha skinned woman wanted. It pained her to see Cassie go on date after date with losers and scumbags when she was standing there all along. She did want Cassie to be happy more than anything and even if it wasn’t with her, she wanted it to be with someone that Cassie deserved. And that was when Dean walked in. She believed that Cassie was way out of his league, Dean was just another low life that was sure to leave Cassie high and dry when he got tired of her. And that didn’t sit well with her best friend.

Cassie seemed to think she was in love though. Somewhere along the way, Cassie stopped listening to her best friend and fell head over heels for the guy anyway. And she was forced to watch the couple swoon and fawn over each other. That’s why she always made such a fuss. It was better to hate Dean than actually get to know him. Hopefully one day Cassie would come to her senses and dump the guy. He was never around anyway, always gone for weeks or months at a time. He didn’t even have a place to live and she didn’t even know what his actual job was but she knew he traveled a lot for it. She was certain that Cassie was going to get her heart broke no matter how genuine Dean seemed.

As time passed, the relationship between Dean and Cassie put a wedge between Cassie and her best friend. Since she and Dean couldn’t get along, Cassie spent less time with her when Dean was around and when Dean wasn’t around, things were tense between the two women. As much as Cassie hated to watch her best friend slip away, she wasn’t willing to lose Dean over it. So a friendship that had lasted for years was starting to break apart. And as strong of a face as she put on, Cassie’s best friend couldn’t hide the fact that she was devastated. She would consider Cassie the only good thing left in her life and now she was alone all because of that green eyed monster, jealousy.

How he got her address, she would never know but he was the last person she expected to see when she opened her apartment door. Her brow wrinkled as she looked over his shoulder and up and down the hall behind him, wondering why he was here alone. He gave her a soft smile and her eyes narrowed before she leaned against the door frame. Her arms crossed over her chest and she crossed one ankle over the other, putting her full weight against the frame. He stood there awkwardly as a silence fell but she had no intention of letting him in like surely he was hoping.

“Can I come in?” He finally asked with a raise of a single brow.

She ignored the question and irritation could be heard in her voice. “What are you doing here, Dean?”

“I just came to talk.” His voice was soft, not willing to set her off or upset her in any way. He was there peaceably. “Can I just please come in?” She made the mistake of looking into those emerald green orbs of his and with a sigh and a roll of her eyes, she pushed away from the door frame. She stepped aside with an arm on the door and opened it wide for him, gesturing for him to enter with the other arm. There was a small victorious smile on his face and she had half a nerve to slap it right off of him. “Nice place.” He commented as he stopped in the middle of the living area before turning to face her as she closed the door behind them.

“You’re not here for small chat, Winchester. Get on with it.” Her arms crossed over her chest again as she seemed to take a defensive stance across the room from him.

“Ok, then.” His tongue trailed over his pink lips as his eyes fell momentarily to the floor. Rubbing his hands together, it was clear he was trying to process the thoughts in his head to form coherent words. When his eyes finally lifted again, a sigh passed his parted lips. “Cassie really misses you.”

She scoffed with a shake of her head. “Oh, I’m sure she does. She’s got you around now, why the hell does she need me?” She gestured with a hand before turning to walk across to her favorite chair and plop down in it. “I was just her best friend for five years but hell, you’re the boyfriend. You’re top priority!” She laughed humorlessly before her head fell back and an arm fell over her eyes.

She could hear Dean approach and when she pulled back her arm slightly she saw him taking a seat on the arm of the couch diagonal from her. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together as he gave her a sympathetic look. “She’s been pretty miserable since you two had your falling out. And I want to fix it.” Another scoff escaped the woman’s lips as she hid her eyes once again. “I’m serious. I don’t know what I did to make you hate me so much but for Cassie’s sake, I’d really like for us to get along so she can have you back in her life too.”

The bastard did have to actually be a nice guy. She couldn’t help but feel guilty for hating him so much. But she couldn’t help it. It was hard to like someone who stole her best friend and woman of her dreams away from her. She sat silent and she could feel Dean’s eyes on her but he didn’t speak simply allowed her to process his words. When she sat up, her hands dropped to rest between her knees and her eyes were intently staring at her bare feet resting on the carpet. “I don’t hate you.” She muttered before a sigh. “I’m sure you’re a great guy.”

Dean’s brow wrinkled as he saw back on the arm rest. “Ok, so what’s the problem then?”

“I’m not one that’s ever been good with...sharing.” Her head turned slightly to glance at him out of the corner of her eye, her lashes obscuring the view slightly. Dean still seemed confused for a moment but his mouth formed a perfect o when it finally dawned on him. She gave him a sad smile, her forehead wrinkling as her eyes dropped again. “She’s been my best friend for years but somewhere along the way, she became so much more.” Her shoulders lifted in a light shrug and she felt tears starting to form.

She didn’t hear him move but she felt him slide into the seat next to her. She shifted slightly to allow for his size and the moment his arm moved around her shoulders she curled into him. It didn’t take long for his warmth and comfort brought the tears from her eyes. She clung to his shirt as she buried her face into the fabric, finally allowing the emotions to take over and the sobs to wrack her body. She should have felt bad for crying into the arms of the love of her life’s boyfriend. She could only imagine what he could be feeling or thinking, knowing that his girlfriend’s best friend was also in love with her.

He held her and rocked her in silence to allow her to get her tears out. He never spoke a word and she could feel that he held no judgement or ill will toward her. He was genuinely there to comfort her and make things right. Which only made her cry more from the guilt of how she had treated him. She barely knew the guy, had never even taken the time to get to know him. And now because of his love for Cassie, he was here. He wasn’t asked to, he just came. He would rather face his enemy than watch as his girlfriend grieved the loss of her best friend.

The tears finally died down and now she just sat clinging to him as she calmed herself. The warmth of his body was soothing and he had a scent all his own that was relaxing. He still held her as she closed her eyes, letting his heart beat and the sound of his breathing bring her peace. His chin rested on top of her head as his hand rubbed up and down her arm while the other rubbed up and down her outer thigh. She hadn’t noticed but he had begun to hum and she could only recognize it as Metallica. She smiled softly, catching a glimpse up at him. “It helps calm me down.” He looked down at her and smiled warmly in return.

She finally pulled away, his arms still around her as she wiped the tears from her eyes. He watched her carefully but her eyes remained on her hands. “So you’re not mad?” She whispered timidly.

A hand lifted to tuck under her chin and turn her face to look at him. His smile was genuine as he nodded his head. “I’m not mad. You were here first. I can understand why you would want to hate me. I stole your girl. I get it.”

“But she was never mine, Dean. I never had the guts to--” She cut herself off and looked down even though he kept her chin held up.

His head knelt down a bit to catch her eyes and he smiled once more. “You could have had her a long time ago, sweetheart. Can’t you see it? Cassie has been head over heels for you for a long time. Even I can see it.”

“But--” She started, her eyes wide with shock.

He shook his head and dropped his hand to rest on her knee. “It’s ok. I know she loves me too.”

Her forehead wrinkled as she leaned back away from him a little. “So you’re ok with your girlfriend being in love me and also loving you?” It was clear in her voice that she was both confused and surprised by his answer.

“Who says she can’t have both? We both make her happy in different ways.” She looked at him as if he had grown a second head and he laughed. “I’m not saying its the norm, but it is what it is. I’m not always around, you are. I know she’d be loved and cared for when I’m not here.”

The words he was saying didn’t seem to process in her mind. It was all madness. She couldn’t have Cassie too. Could she? Would they really be able to share her? Her lips parted, almost looking like a fish out of water as she tried to find the words. Dean couldn’t help but laugh as he unwound himself from around her and moved to stand to his feet. “You don’t have to date me or even talk to me. You just have to be with her. And if later on down the road, she’d rather just be with you, then I’ll walk away. But I don’t see that happening. Because honestly, she loves us both too much to let either of us go.”

She stared up at him in awe, still unable to say anything. Silence fell between them as they just stared at one another. This wasn’t your everyday kind of discussion and as much as she wanted to agree, there were still some questions. She finally found her voice and she stood to stand before the tall man. “But how does she feel about this? The idea of...sharing her? Have you even talked to her about it? I mean, what if she doesn’t want--”

She was cut off by his hands cupping her face. The smile on his face grew as he held her attention. “Trust me, we’ve talked about it. Plenty of times. She wants you and she wants me. So I told her she could have both. But that I’d have to talk to you. So the ball is in your court. Take some time to think about it.” With a closed lip smile, he patted her cheek gently before kissing her forehead and dropping his hands. He didn’t make it far before her fingers grabbed ahold of his hand and caused him to stop. When he looked over his shoulder at her, she was crying again. His brow immediately wrinkled with concern and he brought himself to stand in front of her again, instantly bringing her into a tight embrace. “I’m sorry. We don’t have to do this. I’ll let you have her. I’d rather she be happy with you than both of you to be miserable.”

“No, Dean.” She pulled back, her hands clenching the fabric of his leather jacket. “It’s not that.” A hand raised to wipe away her tears as he waited for her to explain. She sniffled before she glanced up at him with a smile. “You’re a really great guy. And I’m glad she found you. I’m just so sorry it took me so long to actually like you.” They both laughed before he rested his forehead against hers.

It wasn’t planned and she wasn’t sure when she had moved in. But before they knew it, there lips were touching. It was gentle, their lips barely there against each other but their breath mingled and it was sweet. It didn’t last long before they realized what they were doing and shot back from one another. Both started to apologize and ramble until they were both laughing awkwardly. Their eyes averted from one another and she hugged her arms around her body. “Maybe I should go.” She nodded her head as he moved toward the door and she followed behind.

They both froze when the door opened to reveal a teary eyed Cassie Robinson on the other side. Their eyes were wide and mouths gaped open as they couldn’t help the feeling of guilt that washed over them. Cassie on the other hand was all smiles as her chocolate orbs glanced between the two most important people in her life. Her arms wrapped around both of them and pulled them into her, getting a grunt from both of them. “I love you both so much. I can’t live without either one of you. And I’ve just wanted you to get along.” She started to ramble, tears making her voice tremble.

Her best friend pulled back first but kept an arm around her waist. Dean swallowed a lump in his throat before he pulled back as well, looking at her almost worried. She licked her lips and nodded toward the man before she looked at Cassie, a small smile forming on her lips. Taking in a deep breath to help her find her courage, she leaned forward to graze her lips gently over the journalist’s lips. She was much softer than Dean and tasted far sweeter. She smiled when Cassie kissed back, her hand resting on her best friend’s jaw as she kissed a little deeper.

When the kiss finally ended, Cassie grinned and looked between the two of them again. “So I guess you guys talked?” The three of them laughed softly before Dean nodded. Cassie slid her hand into Dean’s and squeezed lightly before standing on her tiptoes to peck him on the lips. “Hopefully, you two owned up to your feelings for each other as well.”

Two sets of eyes grew wide, looking at each other before looking at Cassie. Both fumbled for words, trying to make excuses or explain their situation, denying any kind of feelings for the other. Cassie just laughed with a shake of her head. “Oh, please. You think you hated him just because he loved me? You guys had the hots for each other. Why do you think I’d be willing to date the both of you? I want this to be equal. I want us all to be together. Happy.” Her eyes twinkled with love and contentment as she looked between them, her other hand intertwining fingers with her best friend. “So?”

The other two stared at each other for a moment before their faces broke into smiles. Their cheeks were stained pink but they nodded, Dean bringing the other woman to curl against his side before he did the same with Cassie. He kissed the top of both their heads and let out a laugh. “This is going to prove to be interesting.” The girls laughed and rested their heads on his shoulders, wide smiles on their faces. They kissed again before their lips came to kiss each corner of Dean’s mouth causing his blush to deepen. It wasn’t the norm, but it was perfect for them.

[nerdylittleshit]

Thoughts about Spn 13x06

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

Yee-haw! So, did we get the promised Brokebacknatural? Cowboys? Check. Super gay? Double check.

Once again we got an episode, and I know I keep repeating myself here, that left no room for subtext. Everything was spelled out in neon letters. Which is weird, from a meta perspective. We are so used to look out for the subtext, and codes and hidden messages, and again it feels like the subtext just became plain text. And again, I don’t feel like this makes the episode better or worse, just different, and of course it leads to the overall question: WHY? And to me it feels like, or at least makes sense, like we are heading to the finish line here. I’m not saying the current season is the last, but maybe the next one. From a writer’s point it would make sense then to address themes that have been part of the subtext for a long time, and the only way to resolve them is to put them in the actual text of the show. (And yes, before you ask: Destiel. All the Destiel.)

Overall I liked the episode a lot. The actual case was kinda… there, they could have made more with it, I dunno. But I loved the Western theme and of course it was a big character episode. I think this week the focus was on Jack, and his relationship with Cas. We had a lot of great Dean moments as well, which brought the episode a light and fun atmosphere, and worked especially in contrast to last weeks episode, to make a big statement what or rather who made Dean so happy. The characters and their relationships were the selling point of the episode.

Let’s have a closer look.

Jack vs Evil Dead

There was a lot of Jack in the episode, and in the beginning he seemed to be in a relative happy place. He is obviously still trying to find out who he is, but it seems like hunting gave him some purpose, at least for a moment. We learned in 13x04 that he still thinks in terms of “good” and “bad” and that, through the influence of Sam and Dean, hunters are to him the good guys. They kill monsters and help the innocent.

Jack trying to be a hunter was of course meant to remind us of all the times Cas tried to act like a hunter. They both even use the same approach by watching what Sam and Dean do and try to copy it. Though I have to admit, with all my love for Cas, I think Jack has got the hang of it a bit faster. He found them a case, he found footage of zombie!Dave and identified him as Athena’s boyfriend. Top of his class, indeed.

I loved the relationship/interactions between Cas and Jack. I always like it when they add new characters to the team, to see new dynamics, not just Cas and Jack, but of course also the birth of team free will 2.0. Cas and Jack do balance out Sam and Dean in a way; they are both not human and outsiders of their own. And similar to last season where Cas could teach Mary about her sons now we have him teaching Jack how to handle a Winchester properly.

I’m not sure the show is ever going to address the “Did Jack brainwash Kelly and Cas?”-issue more than they did now. Jack confirms that he trusted Cas because his mother trusted him, that Cas made him feel safe and the fact that Cas is surprised Jack remembered that implies they talked about the events in 12x19. I have a feeling Dean won’t bring up the issue again – whatever Jack did with bringing back Cas he is forgiven. I’m not sure of either Cas or Jack were aware of the brainwashing. Every episode so far has shown us that until lately Jack had no control over his powers. Choosing Cas as his protector probably did happen unconscious, based on the feelings of his mother, who had become one with him at some point (probably when he resurrected her).

Cas supports Jack and believes in him, and I think he fulfils a role here neither Sam and Dean could. He is the one Jack chose as his father, as his mentor, he is the one who was supposed to be there for him. I don’t believe Jack still controls Cas in some ways, but rather that the affection is genuine. Cas repeats what Kelly told her son – that he is meant to do great things and that he has the power to make the world a better place. This very thing though puts a lot of responsibility on Jack. It is clear that he wants to do good, that he wants to prove to others and himself that he is not a monster, but it backfires horrible. It is clear that killing the security guard was a horrible accident, and Cas, Sam and Dean reassure him that in their line of work things like that keep on happening, but that it doesn’t mean he is bad, or that he should stop trying to do better. Each of them has done horrible things in the past, because the world is more complex than “good” and “bad”. It is part of being human, and we talk so much about Jack’s powers that we forget at times that he is half human too.

Especially in that aspect I think Jack mirrors Dean a lot. There is an early parallel when Jack tells Cas how much he missed him, how he begged for his return, or basically when he tells Cas everything Dean couldn’t. The Jack we see at the end of the episode, the one who decides to leave because he is afraid he is going to hurt his found family, is the one who reminded a lot of Dean in 9x10, who decided to leave because he thought of himself as “poison”. Dean is still the one who is the most honest with Jack �� when he asks if the security guard had a family only Dean gives him a direct answer. Dean is the one who never tried to sugarcoat what he thought of Jack, but he is also the one who admits here that he was wrong about Jack. We saw a first small step in that direction at the end of 13x04, after Jack saved Sam, but it is clear that the turning point is Jack bringing Cas back.

Also, Jack refers to Cas, Sam and Dean as “all he has”. This and that he asked about the family of the man he killed shows how important family and family ties are to him, and that he thinks in categories of family the way we know Dean does as well. It wouldn’t surprise me if we end the season with Jack addressing the Winchesters (including Cas of course) as his family.

Something else I found interesting are Jack’s powers. By now he can control them in some ways. It is clear it is a learning process. What I am curious about though is what specifically are Jack’s powers. We know that one day he will be more powerful than his father. We know he has some angelic powers – he can teleport, bullets and knifes don’t hurt him etc. Unlike angels though you can’t banish him. He sleeps, even if he doesn’t sleep as much as humans. He eats and he seems to enjoy food. It is a mix between angelic powers and human needs. Then again he asked Cas to heal the security guard, even though we know that Jack can technically heal people, after all he saved his mother in 12x19, so we might see him exploring more powers in the future.

The most interesting part though is his power to open portals to other worlds, and the fact that he had the power to reach Cas in the Empty, a place where even God had no power. This made me wonder if the Empty perhaps exists outside of reality? And God’s powers only have access in places in our reality – earth, heaven, hell, purgatory, the veil. Could it be that every universe/reality has their own God? If there are different versions of the archangels, why not God? We know that Lucifer from our universe still has his powers in the AU world. But what if there is only one Empty, existing outside of all those realities? And only Jack, Death and the reapers have access to it? Does that make Jack more powerful than God?

Cowboys Are Frequently, Secretly Fond of Each Other

(What did you think all them saddles and boots was about?)

So, after Dean said “I do” under a giant neon cross, I think it is fair to say that travelling to Doge City and dressing up as cowboys was Dean and Cas’s honeymoon?

I’m still in awe and wonder how obvious all the Destiel stuff was. Not just in this episode, during the whole season so far. It is the main topic with all my meta peeps here, because we still can’t believe that after years of digging deep through the subtext the show is now so blatant about Destiel. After 13x05 everyone and their mother said that Cas was presented as the win Dean so desperately needed, and now he textually confirms it, calling Cas even a “pretty big win”. Dean’s whole attitude and behaviour has changed, in the way that 13x05 and 13x06 almost work as a pair to show is exactly what the main difference is between the two episodes and Dean’s emotional state. I mean their mom is still trapped and Jack is still a potential danger, and this episode marks the first time he killed someone, even if it was only an accident. We expected to hear the “I told you”-speech from Dean, instead he is reaching out to Jack and takes care of his mess. Why? Because of Cas. Because Jack brought back Cas, and for the first time Dean can acknowledge the effort Jack applied.

It was in character that we didn’t get a great speech of Dean talking about his feelings (like I said, Jack already expressed what Dean felt). We are not at the point of the story yet where Dean is ready to use his words, though sooner or later he has to. Instead we got the car scene and the usual bickering between Cas and Dean, and it is only then that Dean admits how happy he is that Cas is back. It was very lighthearted and sweet and it again confirmed that Dean and Cas have a relationship off-screen (the movie Dean made Cas watch, the fact that Cas knows that Dean is an angry sleeper etc). Also, my new headcanon is that Metatron didn’t like Western movies, so they weren’t part of all the popculture knowledge he gave Cas. Dean might missed his chance to introduce Cas to Star Wars, but he will do his best to show Cas his favourite Western movies. All of them.

Wild Wild Dead

The case of the week was rather simple. There was a recurring theme of “things that look like other things”. In 13x02 we had with Asmodeus a shapeshifting demon, in 13x03 we had a wraith who looks human and 13x04 featured two actual shapeshifters and an ancient cosmic entity that took the form of our favourite angel. And we started this episode with Dean asking Cas if it is really him. It doesn’t take a big step to figure out that identity will be a big theme this season. Jack of course still struggles with his own, trying to find out who he is. And then of course we have the AU world or maybe even worlds, with a potential infinite amount of doppelgängers of characters we know.

We also have two characters coming back from the dead – Cas literary, and the ghoul who impersonates someone who died a long time ago. Both lose the one they wanted to protect – Cas loses Jack, Dave loses Athena. I’m not sure if this parallel was on purpose because Dave and Athena’s relationship wasn’t anything like the one between Jack and Cas. The first one was romantic and quite unhealthy, the second a parent-child-relationship, based on support. I also wonder if Athena was aware that her boyfriend was a ghoul? She seemed to know about the grave robberies and I thought for a moment she provided him with food, but she was surprised to find out he wasn’t exactly human, so.

Another character that was somehow paralleled/ associated with Dean was the Sergeant. The officer who was killed was his nephew; not his actual so, but still someone very close to him. Getting revenge for him was family business, to make it even more obvious. And he stated twice that he would kill the one responsible for his nephew’s death. And that is somehow problematic. I think it was perhaps part of the Western theme to show people who take the law in their own hands, with blazing guns and only one of them surviving. Still he was an officer of the law, and unlike Dean and the others he didn’t know at first that a monster was responsible for his nephew’s death. The show morally justified that hunters can kill monsters, if they have killed, because there is no monster prison. But there is no justification for humans to kill other humans, especially not officers of the law who should know better. The first monstrous humans though on the show have all been killed by officers of the law though (Pa Bender by Deputy Kathleen Hudak in 1x15 and Pete Sheridan by Detective Diana Ballard in 2x07). Sergeant Phillips is portrayed as a hero by the narrative, that he kills the monster in the end feels justified, but it shouldn’t.

Dean seemed also very calm when the ghoul aimed his gun at his head. Perhaps because he knew that Billie would bring him back, because he is important? Interesting though “stabbed by a ghoul in a graveyard” was one of Dean’s potential deaths (I wonder if we will also get to see almost burned by a red haired witch and almost died by a heart-attack). After the ghoul is dead Dean takes care of Jack’s mess and is back to his usual “we were never here and we lie about what we do”-attitude. In contrast to 13x01 where he openly told the Sheriff that he is a hunter, because he no longer cared about anything. Now that Cas is back he does.

Some other things:

- Did nobody in town recognize Dave Mather? Did they all think it was just a great coincidence the undertaker’s new boyfriend looked exactly like the old west dude?

- Speaking of, why is nobody ever suspicious about their aliases? Texas ranger Val Kilmer? Seriously?

- Nina Lopez-Corrado, the director of the episode, smuggled herself in the episode twice: with Athena’s last name (Lopez) and again with the giant “Lopez” on top of the mausoleum in the graveyard.

- Does Sam like Amanda Palmer? He seemed interested. Adding this to my (very short) list of music Sam likes.

- The episode had great soundtrack choices.

- I’m still worried about Jack though. I hope he packed some lunch.

Until next week <3

[narcoleptic-moose-blog]

Serenity

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: Angst, Mentions of Death (OC)

Summary: You witnessed your best friend’s death, but your crush, Sam, is there to comfort you.

**Gif credits to the rightful owner.

Your comparably small hands clenched on Sam's undershirt as you bawled. Tears were running down your face like a waterfall while your mouth stayed open, wailing. It was impossible to hide these emotions right now, even though usually you're good at covering them up, thanks to sucky hunting life you lived. You were probably one of the toughest hunters out there, but witnessing your best friend Becca's death was utterly unbearable.

One of Sam's arms were protectively wrapped around your back, as the other one held the back of your neck, to support you digging your head into his chest. His thumb rubbed gently on the side of your neck, attempting to soothe you through this heartbreak. Sam's heart was also broken seeing you so vulnerable and upset, but he knew he had to stay strong to help you through it.

The sound Becca's neck breaking incessantly echoed through your mind, making it even harder to stop crying. If only you were there on time to exorcise the demon inside her, is what you believed. As normal grief causes, you thought about all the things you could've done to prevent this from happening, all the times you thought you could've done better in your friendship. Guilt was already eating you alive, and she hasn't even been gone for two hours.

Luckily, the Winchesters were there to rescue you, because you probably would've became bat shit crazy. They were always close hunter buddies, but you and Becca were inseparable. Sam and Dean were clearly grieving as well, but they've always expressed more anger rather than sadness in close deaths.

This was one of the few times Dean wouldn't turn on the radio. He had to think to himself about the situation, make sure you could grieve without any annoyance. Dean thought of you as a little sister, and all he wanted to do was torture that demon that had killed Becca and hurt you. Sam wanted the same, but he needed to be there for the person, you, whom he loved. He sat in the backseat with you, since the two of you shared more of a special, unique bond. Sam hated the backseat, but he'd suffer through it for you.

It came to a point in the long car ride back to the bunker where your sobs were almost inaudible, and you could barely shed any more tears. Though this whole situation was a plain mess, Sam holding you was the only sprinkle of comfort that you secretly knew could help eventually. Your eyes were stinging and most likely a deep blood red, and mascara covered your wet face. All of the loose water in your body was basically gone, as your mouth was bone dry, no salvia being able to be produced. Finally closing your mouth, you cringe at the cracking and dryness of your lips rubbing together. Your breathing pattern was still pulsating irregularly and you just felt like complete shit. As your hands slowly let go of Sam's now wrinkly shirt, he looks down at you, loosening his grip to allow you to maneuver easier.

This all felt like a terrible nightmare, despite your whole life being one. It also didn't help that you had a pounding headache where in each movement it would feel as if you had been stabbed in the head. A loud, deep breath escapes your lips, attempting to calm yourself a little bit. Not even thinking twice, you dig your hands in between the sides of Sam's open jacket, connecting them behind his back. His warmness helped relax you, and so did the soft material of his clothes.

Sam was a bit shocked at you trying to relax earlier than he predicted you would. But there was nothing stopping him from still trying to take good care of you. He clears his throat feebly as he begins to stroke your hair with one hand, the other still wrapped firmly around you.

It was hard to tell how long you two stayed like this, but you come to realize that the car had gone in park. You didn't move, thinking that if it was necessary you would be told.

Dean turns in the driver's seat to exchange a look with Sam. They had stopped at a gas station to fill up. Before Dean got out of the car quietly, attempting not to disturb you, his eyes told Sam to talk to you. There was no way he would mention Becca without you being the one to bring it up, but he needed you to talk. He had to know you would be okay.

"Y/N?" Sam whispers loud enough to make sure you hear, but soft enough to not startle you. "We stopped at the gas station. Can I go get you a water, or anything else you want?"

Another deep inhale surges through you before finally siting up by yourself. Your body felt so weak, and your eyelids could barely stay open, swollen from all the crying. "C-could Dean get it? I don't want you to leave-leave me," your voice cracked as you began to wipe your face with the sleeves of your jacket.

Sam had to hold back his own tears seeing you so anguished and worn out. Especially how you didn't want him to even go run into the store for a few minutes. Sam didn't mind at all, he was flattered. Right away, he rolls down the window to tell Dean to run inside.

"Sam?"

Sam's head flings right back towards you the second you croak out his name. His eyes stare deeply into yours, letting you know you have his full attention. His hair flinging around with his head swing almost made you crack a smile, but your dried lips wouldn't allow it right now. A sigh comes out of you, your thoughts were too overpowering.

"What if- if I didn't let her go on that hunt by herself? Do you think sh-she would be alive?" your voice got higher with sadness in each word you spoke. All that crying made you have such shortness of breath. It was too hard to cover up all the stuttering.

"Hey, you listen to me," Sam starts, hesitating to grab a hold of you at first, "Do not blame this on yourself. Do you hear me? Everything happens for a reason. Yes this sucks, but you cannot think that any of this happened because of you. Becca was a great friend, and- and you know this life comes with it's disadvantages. Y/N, you are strong, don't forget that, please. We'll get through this together." Sam's hand finally connects with yours, giving you a reassuring squeeze. You knew he was completely genuine with his words, and he could surely bandage the bleeding cuts even though he knows there's going to have to be a lot more he has to use.

It took you over a minute to take in all his words. You couldn't have been more blessed with Sam in your life, but with your current state of mind, it'd only bring you more sadness. "But Sam, what if I lost you?"

Sam bit the inside of his cheek. "I can't promise I won't die. But I will promise I will never leave your side ever if you don't want me to. Like I said, you are strong Y/N/N." He lets out a usual 'Sam' grunt before continuing, "I- I love you, and I know you'll get through anything and everything."

You faced scrunched up again, the scrunching up you usually do before tears race down your cheeks. But this time it was not much of a sadness cry, but you just loved Sam too, and knew he'd never break his promise. All you could do was practically jump on him, wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him tight for a hug. Instinctively, Sam's large arms wrap right back around you, holding you as close to him as possible.

Your head cocks to the side as you whisper by his ear, "thank you, Sammy." Your grip gets tighter as he plants a small kiss over your covered shoulder. Only Sam in this type of situation could make you feel like everything would turn out okay.

You knew Becca was smiling at you right now, proud of you for finally making that final move with Sam. Not a day would go by without you thinking about her, or Sam ever leaving your side.

[fromtheringapron]

WWF SummerSlam 1995

Date: August 27, 1995.

Location: Civic Arena in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. 

Attendance: 18,062.

Commentary: Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler (matches 1-7). Vince McMahon and Dok Hendrix (matches 8 and 9).

Results:

1. Hakushi defeated The 1-2-3 Kid. 

2. Hunter Hearst Helmsley defeated Bob Holly. 

3. The Smoking Gunns (Billy and Bart Gunn) defeated The Blu Brothers (Jacob and Eli Blu) (with Uncle Zebekiah). 

4. Barry Horowitz defeated Skip (with Sunny). 

5. WWF Women’s Championship Match: Bertha Faye (with Harvey Whippleman) defeated Alundra Blayze (champion) to win the title. 

6. Casket Match: The Undertaker (with Paul Bearer) defeated Kama (with Ted DiBiase).

7. Bret Hart defeated Issac Yankem DDS. 

8. Ladder Match for the WWF Intercontinental Championship: Shawn Michaels (champion) defeated Razor Ramon. 

9. WWF World Heavyweight Championship: Diesel (champion) defeated King Mabel (with Sir Mo). 

My Review

SummerSlam 1995 took place during a financial and creative low point for the WWF, featuring one of the worst main events in the history of SummerSlam. It’s frequently cited as The Worst SummerSlam Ever™ by an elite club of dudes on the Internet, but I’m here to report that’s simply not true and, as you must know, my opinions are usually the correct ones. Here’s the tea: it’s actually a solid couple hours of wrestling. I’ve always found its reputation unjust. That it’s written off just because it took place during a dark period has always seemed like a blanket statement to me. Believe it or not, entertainment and good work can exist within bad years for wrestling. A shocking concept, I know.

I don’t want to mince words here, of course. The main event is bad. It’s not even like it’s a super mega embarrassing disaster that’s secretly entertaining; it’s just kinda basic and plodding and ultimately feels phoned-in. It’s only real accomplishment was likely getting Vince McMahon to wake up and realize that maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t 1985 anymore and pushing Diesel like Hulk Hogan wasn’t gonna fly. It also even more likely helped him realize that he completely failed in pushing Mabel as the next big monster heel. The most interesting part of the main event involves neither Diesel or Mabel but rather Lex Luger, who makes his final WWF appearance before jumping ship to WCW in time for the first episode of Nitro.

But if we’re writing it off just for the main event, then that would be a disservice to the rest of the card, which is - wait for it - kinda decent! Perhaps realizing they had a real flop of a main event on their hands, the WWF made the wise decision to spice up the card with a WrestleMania X ladder rematch between Razor Ramon and Shawn Michaels. The verdict is out on whether I like it more than their Mania match, but it’s clear they realized just having a ladder in the match wouldn’t be enough this time, so they upped the ante on spots. What we get is something that may lack the iconic imagery of the Mania match but also may hold up better in the modern sense. The match is also notable for featuring one of the first instances of Michael’s on-air temper tantrums, in connection with his worsening backstage attitude. This time, it’s over how the IC belt is suspended above the ring or something. It’s pretty cringe-worthy to watch. Like, Shawn, get over it and find Jesus already.

The undercard is also full of surprises if you sleep on it. The opening contest between The 1-2-3 Kid and Hakushi is almost like a precursor to the crusierweight battles WCW would popularize the next year. There’s a bizarrely engrossing match between Bret Hart and evil dentist Issac Yankem, partly due to the historical curiosity of watching Bret wrestle the man who would go on to become Kane. One of the biggest highlights of the undercard comes from the least expected source ⏤ longtime journeyman Barry Horowitz, whose underdog storyline against Skip was one of the better ones in mid ‘90s WWF. Many will look at the decision to push Horowitz as a sign of the lack of star power at the time, but it’s a pretty decent story in its own right and the crowd clearly digs it. Oh, and this show marks the first pay-per-view match for a dude named Hunter Hearst Helmsley. Perhaps you’ve heard of him.

So, yeah, the WWF definitely wasn’t in a good place by the time SummerSlam 1995 came around. I’m certainly not arguing that. But even in darkness, there was a glimmer of light in the form of a younger roster with potential untapped or just beginning to be. The show’s flaws are upfront (again, that main event) but now on its 25th anniversary, time is only just starting to be kinder to it.

My Random Notes

They literally brought in the British Bulldog just for that one shot of him walking that backstage, huh? Seriously, what was up with that?

I pretty much blacked out during every Dean Douglas segment, sorry. I feel like the Dean Douglas is basically like 65% “mean school teacher” and 35% “dude with a fetish for scratching his nails on a chalkboard, neither of which being particularly interesting.

Man, Dok Hendrix is insufferable on commentary. I genuinely forget that if he isn’t selling you a denim jacket or some shit, much of his material is downright cringe.

Speaking of forgotten on-air personalities of the New Generation era, Manny Garcia is here to fuck up ring announcements and misgender Alundra Blayze (to the point where Vince of all people corrects him, ouch). If had to choose, give me all of that Bill Dunn throatiness any day, baby. 

Maybe it’s just the lighting or something, but I just can’t process this takes the place in the same arena where Mick Foley will be thrown off the Hell in the Cell three years later.

A part of me feels bad for Mabel, mainly because he was just wheeled out as the next big monster heel without any direction on how to play the role effectively and then he got promptly spit out from the company less than six months later as if nothing ever happened. Fortunately he’d got another chance in the Attitude Era, but I’ve always found the trajectory of his main event push to be a little cruel.

Rhonda Singh looks like she hates just about everything about the Bertha Faye character, and I can’t blame her, but don’t worry! Not everyone hates Bertha, judging by this obscure, long-abandoned fan page.

People complain about the booking of the modern WWE tag division now, but at least there’s some semblance of a division. Excluding Owen Hart & Yokozuna, the latter days of 1995 whittled down the division to The Smoking Gunns and The Blu Brothers, the latter played by literal Nazis. It could be worse!

I know it’s pointless to praise Tammy Sytch for practically anything these days, but it’s amazing how much she already overshadows Skip at this point. I’ll always contend she was one of the most charismatic personalities they had on the roster at the time and don’t blame them for making her the center of the tag division. Nonetheless, it’s a point that makes me feel like I’m yelling into an empty hallway as Tammy embarks on her 800th arrest and tasteless social media post about Ashley Massaro.

[drarry-thedifferencebetween]

Inevitable

Thank you to @kick-it-in-the-ass-cas for the Drarry short fic prompt: Hardcore angsty Harry looking for a sign on the Astronomy tower, Draco in the shadows or flying, and a huge gust of winds sends Harry flying over the edge, but is saved by Draco. Friends to Lovers. 

Apologize that I did not include the Marauders bit that you wanted, but I hope you enjoy the read anyway. ;)

Read it on AO3 here.

Harry Potter stands at the edge of the Astronomy tower, looking over at the scene that greets him. He’s leaning on the other side of the railing, his hands the only thing keeping him from the fall below. It’s rather serene, the view. The rocky hills surrounding Hogwarts are growing darker in the twilight, the sky above slowly revealing its vast number of stars. Below it, the lake is still, its waters calm and twinkling with the sun’s remaining light. Harry can only wonder at how calm the world around him seems to be. Quiet. As though everything is fine. As though the world isn’t falling apart.

And maybe, Harry muses as he leans farther away from the railing, maybe it isn’t. Hogwarts had been rebuilt–Harry had seen to that. Every stone had been repaired, the walls of the castle restored, every painting and statue returned to its former glory. The grounds had slowly but surely healed itself from the battle. Yet Harry, who had worked tirelessly to put the broken pieces of his home back together, feels as though he might have missed something in the process. That maybe he missed repairing something vital. But, for the life of him, Harry doesn’t know what it is.

He recounts, in his waking moments as often as he does in his nightmares, the last seconds before the familiar flash of green blinds him and then there’s nothing, how calm he had felt. He had accepted it with all his heart. He’d never before been so sure about anything in his life. But after seeing his parents, after seeing Sirius and Remus, he had known that that had been where his whole life had been leading up to. To these last moments of his life with the people he longed for the most.

He closes his eyes then and shivers, the cold, biting wind whipping through his hair and clothes, freezing his hands which still held tightly onto the rail behind him. Harry can almost picture them in front of him again. He imagines how warm their hands might feel, how comforting it would be to be in their arms. He lets out a shaky exhale and opens his eyes. The sky is growing darker, the ground-level almost not visible in the late evening.  It is then that he spots it. A flash of bright blonde something at the edge of a protruding tower, before it seems to disappear behind it. He narrows his eyes to get a better view, but there is nothing there. Harry frowns. He must be imagining things.

The wind seems to get colder, harsher the longer he stands there on the edge of the Astronomy tower. He doesn’t always think about his parents, or Sirius and Remus. Sometimes it’s Fred, or Cedric, or Dumbledore.  It’s always someone he couldn’t save.

Just then, a powerful gust of wind suddenly tears through him and Harry’s stomach drops. He realizes, rather belatedly, that his hands have slipped from their hold on the railing. He takes another fraction of a second to realize what’s about to happen and then he’s falling, the breath in his lungs freezing at the sudden drop. Oddly enough, the feeling is comforting. If he thinks hard enough, he can just imagine that he’s riding on his broom, racing toward the ground as though he’s just spotted the shiny, golden snitch.

But he’s not on his broom, and he’s not playing Quidditch, and Harry can’t help the shout of panic that leaves him. The ground is coming up rapidly–too rapidly.  What has he done? When he sees a flash of blonde again, he thinks he’s gone mad. This is not how things are suppose to end. What will Ron and Hermione think? How can he just leave them like this? He shuts his eyes tightly, seeing the ground only mere moments away.

“Potter!”

Harry gasps, his eyes flying open, his hands reaching. Someone grabs hold of him by the waist. He sees the tail end of what looks to be a Nimbus, platinum blonde hair also coming into view before he’s pulled against a warm body and they flip in the air, upside down on the broom, and Harry can tell there is no time to pull up. They crash hard onto the ground, Harry’s fall cushioned by the body that’s under him, the person’s arm wrapped securely around Harry before it slips away. Harry’s ears are humming, his limbs shaky, his heart beating hard and fast that he can feel his pulse at his temple. He pulls away slowly. Draco Malfoy groans before opening his eyes and looks straight at Harry. His expression is unreadable. Then his face contorts into rage.

“Potter, what the fuck?! Did you really think you can just go and off yourself like nothing? Like the whole world won’t be in an outrage that their Golden Boy has decided to fling himself off the bloody tower?”

“I wasn’t trying–” Harry starts.

Malfoy’s voice grows steadily louder, his eyes flashing dangerously as he jabs a finger in Harry’s chest. “How dare you?! After all that’s happened! YOU–You think you’re so fucking  special. And here is another chance for the world to have your attention. That’s what it’s always been hasn’t it?!” Malfoy is breathing harshly, blond strands of hair sticking to the sides of his face.

“Malfoy, you’re hurt.” Harry goes to grab Draco’s arm where the sleeve was torn. His skin from his elbow to his wrist is badly scratched and small trails of blood are running down his hand and to the ground.

“Don’t touch me!” Malfoy snaps, pulling his arm away from Harry and wincing.

Harry waits for Malfoy to continue his yelling, but the blonde only stares at him, and Harry swears he’s never seen such an expression on his face before, of hurt, and something in Harry’s chest stirs because he knows he’s the one who’s caused it. But then a cold mask replaces it and Malfoy turns away without another word.

x

Harry spends the next few weeks in a sort of daze. At first he’d been worried that Malfoy would tell the whole school about the incident, or at least to Pansy, who would then proceed to tell the whole school about the incident. But so far, Malfoy has done nothing. Nothing except stare at Harry during times when he thinks Harry isn’t looking. Harry can feel that silver gaze on him, at first sharp and seething, during classes and as he walks through the halls. But slowly, the weeks go by and that same silver gaze starts to feel different. Multiple times Harry has met that stare, looked fixedly back at Malfoy until he turns away, a light color staining that pale face and Harry is alarmed to think he wants to see more of that.

One time in particular, during an hours long 8th-year game of Find the Snitch, Harry returns safely to the ground, hopping off his broom just a few steps away from Malfoy. Harry can’t help but stare at him; Malfoy is wearing a simple shirt, but the fabric sticks to his lean frame like a second skin. Harry’s suddenly finding it hard to swallow and when Malfoy turns to look him up and down slowly, Harry’s body practically hums with the intensity of those light grey eyes. When Malfoy turns to head over in the direction of the showers, Harry excuses himself from Ron, Dean, and Seamus, and hurries to catch up.

“Malfoy! Malfoy, wait up!”

Malfoy stops, his broom thrown over his shoulder casually, and he honors Harry with a bored expression. He doesn’t say anything and Harry suddenly feels his face heating.

“I, erm, I was wondering whether you had a partner for the potion’s research thing due in a few months?”

Malfoy raises an eyebrow and considers this. “I do not.”

“Oh! Oh, well, that’s great. I mean, not great, but…great for me…what I mean to say is…”

“Fuck’s sake, Potter, get on with it.”

“Do you want to be my partner?”

x

That December, the final day before everyone is off for the holiday break, finds the pair of them at the front of the class, presenting their potion’s research to their peers. Harry is impressed to say that their findings are a lot more thorough than he could have ever imagined, and he even might go as far as to say that it rivals the research presented by Hermione and Neville. He and Draco leave the class feeling very light on their feet (Harry more obvious than his blond partner) and head over to what has become a familiar path to their favorite study spot–an alcove at the top of the Astronomy tower. The hallways are festive, decorated in celebration of the holidays, with flurries of snow falling lightly in some areas of the castle. Harry and Draco laugh at one unfortunate pair of 5th year students who have gotten trapped in the doorway of a classroom, an enchanted mistletoe hanging right above them.

“Will you be leaving home for hols?” Harry asks nonchalantly as they climb the steps to the Astronomy tower, secretly wondering whether Draco has decided to stay at Hogwarts, which would mean that Harry should make up an excuse to stay as well. Maybe he can say that he wants to get more potion’s research done? No, Ron won’t buy that for a second. Maybe he can say that he needs some space? No, Mrs. Weasley would storm into the castle, taking that as a hint that he needs more smothering.

“Yes, actually. I’ll be visiting my mother in Paris.”

“Oh,” Harry says, heart sinking a fraction. “That’s good. Yeah, I’ll be leaving, too. Spending time with the Weasley’s. We’re planning on having Hermione’s parents over for Christmas. That should be interesting.” They climb the steps silently for a bit. “You know, this was fun. I didn’t know you knew so much about how there’s really only a fraction of a difference between medicine and poison. You’re more intelligent than I ever gave you credit for.”

“No surprise there,” Draco says, rolling his eyes good-naturedly.

Harry grins and his heart almost stops at the smile that lights Draco’s face. It is a genuine smile, one that Harry has been privy to only a handful of times. And each time they leave Harry breathless, longing for something that is quite out of his reach. Harry swallows past the lump in his throat and follows him to the top step and through the archway until Draco’s hand suddenly shoots out.

“Potter, don’t–!”

“What–?” But it’s too late. Harry feels it. The pull of magic where they stand. He tries to step out of it and finds that he can’t move out of its range. When he looks up, a lone mistletoe wrapped in red ribbon curls innocently from the top of the archway. He feels his face grow hot. Draco is staring up at the mistletoe, his mouth hanging slightly open. “I suppose it’s safe to assume you weren’t the one to put that up there?” Harry tries to joke, but Draco only looks at him with wide eyes, his face growing pale.

“N-no, of course not. Don’t be ridiculous,” Draco says, clearing his throat and looking anywhere but at Harry. “Was it you?”

“No!”

They stand there for a minute, unable to move out of the archway, until Harry breaks the silence. “What do you suppose we should do?”

“Well, considering the circumstances in which we find ourselves, I’d say there is only one thing we can do.”

Harry’s heart beat quickens, his eyes dropping to Draco’s mouth, to his lips which were pink and wet, and back up again. Draco notices this movement, and furrows his brows in confusion. After some hesitation, in which Harry’s holding his breath for Draco’s next words, Draco reaches a hand into his pocket and takes out his wand.

“We have to destroy the Astronomy Tower.”

Harry almost sags, cursing himself silently and letting out the breath he had been holding. “Yes, of course. Of course, that’s…that’s obvious. Tear down the Astronomy Tower.” He takes out his own wand.

Malfoy’s breath of laughter stops Harry in his tracks. Malfoy’s hand covers his mouth, his shoulders shaking before his laugh fills the room. His eyes are crinkled in amusement and he shakes his head at Harry.

“What?” Harry can’t help the small breath of laughter that leaves him, too, Malfoy’s mirth contagious. “What in the world is so funny to you?”

“Potter,” Malfoy says, gathering himself, and shaking his head again, “we are not going to destroy the fucking tower. Are you mad?” Draco’s voice is laced in amusement. “It’s a bloody kiss. We won’t die from it…”

Harry blinks, his eyes widening at the implication. Draco smile is still on his face, but it fades the longer Harry stares. Suddenly Draco shifts on his feet, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he swallows, and Harry realizes that his lack of response has made Draco unsure. Harry stows away his wand, his hands slightly shaky, and steps forward. He waits carefully to see whether Draco is going to make a joke of this as well, but Draco seems glued to the spot, his eyes traveling across Harry’s face before stopping at his lips.

“Just get on with it…” Draco whispers.

Harry leans forward, closing the last few inches between them. The first meet of lips is tentative and warm. It’s just a quick press of lips, yet the touch sends shivers down Harry’s spine, his stomach doing  odd flips, and his hands are clenched against the urge to deepen the kiss. It ends much too soon. Harry pulls away and he feels the enchantment of the mistletoe fade, yet he doesn’t move further. Draco doesn’t move either, but continues to stand there facing Harry,  his cheeks an endearing shade of pink.

Harry doesn’t know who moves first, but the next second Draco wraps his arms around Harry’s neck and Harry pulls Draco closer with his hands at his waist, their mouths meeting again in a hot, slick embrace. Harry moves them to the wall, pressing Draco against it as their tongues slide together. Draco’s hand runs through Harry’s hair, pulling it almost painfully and Harry groans. He responds by grinding his hips against Draco and Draco has to pull away to gasp, exposing his neck.

Some time later, Draco manages to pull himself away with a warm hand on Harry’s chest. He has to calm his breathing before he manages to say,

“I’ll see you after the holidays, Potter.”

“See you.”

x

Their first time together is in Harry’s private room. It’s late spring now, the night outside is cool, and a light breeze comes in gently through the open window. The only light in the room is from a sole burning candle, and it casts tempting shadows across the length of Draco’s back. He’s laying on his stomach, shirtless, a book lying unopened in front of him. He stares at Harry contemplatively, his head resting on his arm.

“What is it?” Harry asks from his seat on the armchair. He places the book he’d been holding on the bedside table–he hadn’t been taking in a word of it anyway.

“You surprise me, is all.”

“I do?”

Draco nods, but doesn’t say anything further.

“Care to elaborate?”

Draco smiles almost shyly before turning on his back, his arms crossed behind his head. Harry’s rakes his eyes over Draco’s chest, to the toned abdomen that flexes with his every move, and down to the soft blond curls that disappear underneath Draco’s skin-tight jeans.  “Harry. I’ve been coming to your room for weeks now. I’ve stayed the night a few times. I’m here right now lying half naked on your bed,” he pauses here, seeming to wonder whether to continue. “But you haven’t made a single move to take things any further between us. Why is that?”

Harry’s heart almost stops. Take things further between them? Is that what this is about? Draco sneaking into his room every night, presumably to study, fainting falling asleep on his bed so he wouldn’t have to go back to his own quarters? Harry doesn’t mind, of course. Far from it. He chews the inside of his lip, willing his body to behave itself as his lower regions have taken particular interest in where the conversation is heading. He clears his throat.

“I assure you, it’s not from lack of interest.”

“What do I have to do, then?” Draco asks softly, one hand sliding down his chest. “To take you over the edge?”

Harry can hardly believe his ears. Draco is here offering himself, why is Harry not jumping on this opportunity? Of course Harry has been wanting this. Every single time they kiss, Draco’s lips driving him mad with how much more Harry wants. Harry looks away, towards the open window where he can just make out a full moon in the distance.

“Do you remember…the beginning of the school year?” Harry asks quietly. Draco’s smile fades quickly and he sits up. “That day…that day on the Astronomy Tower?” Draco nods, reaching a hand up to tuck a stray strand of blond hair behind his ear. Harry has to close his eyes, clearing his throat against the hard lump that has formed there. “You…you saved me that day, Draco.”

Harry hears Draco’s sharp intake of breath but he keeps his eyes shut. He doesn’t want to see how Draco will look at him. They’d never talked about that fateful day on the Astronomy tower. Draco hadn’t brought it up to anybody, and Harry had preferred to pretend as though that day hadn’t happened. But he realizes now that he has to say it, to explain what happened, so Draco can decide whether he wanted to stay. When he opens his eyes Draco is staring at Harry, those intense silver eyes piercing him so thoroughly that Harry wonders whether he’s trying to read his mind. Harry has to look away. He picks at the frayed edges of the armchair.

“I wasn’t in a good place. There was so much…so many dark thoughts running through my head constantly…I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep,” Harry says, shaking his head. “I didn’t know what else I could do, Draco. And…and then you were there. You just happened to be there on that day for some inexplicable–”

“I knew,” Draco whispers.

Harry’s head shoots up.

“What?”

Draco doesn’t meet his eyes. He bites his lip hard and Harry longs to run a finger across it, to smooth the indents left behind.

“I had taken to flying around the grounds. One night you happened to be there in the Astronomy Tower, just sitting there, staring at nothing. The next day I wondered whether you’d be there again so I flew by…just out of curiosity. And there you were. I don’t know what made me want to come back. I suppose I just wanted to see what you were up to. But other times I would see you staring over the edge, coming closer to it every night and I began to wonder…”

Harry’s stomach lurches and he feels sick. Had he really been there all those times? What must Draco think of him? He leans forward, his head falling in his hands but Draco continues.

“That day. Harry, that entire day I knew…I could feel it somehow. You had this look in your eyes the whole day, during classes…I thought why can’t anyone else see it? I had half a mind to walk up to you…But I knew if I stopped you then you would see right past me…I didn’t think…I should’ve…” He stops, his voice choked, and Harry’s heart breaks to hear it.

“I don’t know what I would’ve done,” Draco says more calmly. “If I hadn’t been there.”

Harry finally looks up, feeling the burn at the corners of his eyes. His hands shake as they clench in fists in his lap. “Draco, I don’t even know what to say,” he confesses, his heart in his throat. “You don’t understand how much that moment means to me. That you were there, when no one else ever even noticed I was gone. You…Draco, you mean the world to me.” Harry waits until Draco meets his eyes. “Thank you.”

Draco exhales and he slides off the bed, coming over to Harry, who reaches his hands up and welcomes Draco onto his lap. They kiss, and this time it’s so much more, the intensity leaving Harry shaking. Draco’s hands are at either sides of his face, and he straddles Harry, his knees on either sides of him. Harry holds him tightly, wanting to bring him closer still. Draco’s tongue explores Harry’s mouth so thoroughly and he moans, a delicious shiver running across his body and to his groin. Unable to hold back any longer, Harry hooks a hand under Draco’s leg, the other wrapped firmly on the small of his back and he lifts him to take him back to the bed. He places Draco gently on top of the covers, lifting his shirt and throwing it on the floor before he moves on top of Draco. He kisses the corner of his mouth, the sides of his face, and when Draco turns his head to give Harry better access, Harry slides his tongue down to his neck, nipping the skin there and marveling at the sounds leaving Draco’s lips. They undress each other slowly, Harry working his way down Draco’s body before he slips the impossibly tight jeans down his legs and onto the floor to join his own trousers. They pause then, their breaths mingling hotly as they see each other completely naked for the first time. Harry has to admit that he’s more scared now than he has ever been before and his heart jumps in his chest at the adoring smile on Draco’s lips. He wants it to be good for Draco, he wants to take care of him, to make Draco fall apart in the best way possible.

When Harry enters him a while later, it is with the utmost care; Draco’s eyes have fluttered closed, his hands, his nails leaving hot trails on his shoulders as he grasps for purchase. Harry has to fight his urge to just go, he knows Draco is still adjusting to him, but then Draco opens his eyes, and their faces are so close that Harry can see just how long his lashes are against his skin, his cheeks burning hot and pink with exertion.

“Harry…”

Harry finds it surprising how much his heart wants to burst at the way Draco says his name, as though that one word, his name, holds so much meaning. Harry begins to move, taking his cues from the sounds of bliss coming from Draco, and Harry wants to swallow each one of them whole. He kisses Draco, wanting him to taste himself on Harry’s tongue. Harry pulls away, burying his face in the crook of Draco’s neck, knowing he won’t last much longer. He knows the exact moments before Draco loses himself. His hands have traveled to the back of Harry’s neck and he pulls him back enough so that their eyes can meet. Draco’s breathing hard and fast, his eyebrows furrowed, and his lips parted before his eyes fall closed and his head tilts back. Harry reaches up quick, his hand on Draco’s face and kisses him, muffling the sound of pleasure that leaves him. And Harry follows right after, his body shaking with every pulse, and he can’t help the words that fall from his mouth, a truth he’s known for a long time, to settle at the edges of Draco’s lips.

“I love you. I love you.”

“Me too.”

[suckerfordeansfreckles]

Afraid of my Love for You

Pairing: Castiel/Dean Winchester

Word count: 1,237

Rating: General Audience (some swear words though)

Read on AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/11736585

Summary:  

Castiel is human and really loves reading. He starts recommending his favorite books to Dean, who in turn sneaks them out of Cas' room to secretly read them himself.

One night, Cas finds Dean crying in his room, clutching to one of his books, and they have a conversation about the risks of falling in love.

WARNING: If you don't want any spoilers about "The fault in Our Stars", you really shouldn't read this.

If you’d ask Cas what he most enjoys about being human, he wouldn’t hesitate to answer that it’s literature. When he started reading his first book, a dusty old romance novel he had found in the deepest depths of the bunker, he immediately decided that reading is the best way to spend his free time. 

Unlike Dean and Sam first assumed, he doesn’t only read historical novels. He enjoys everything, from fiction to romance, he really isn’t picky. He just needs the book to be different from his everyday life, needs to be able to sink into a new world and forget about everything going on around him.

When Sam first showed him how to order things off of Amazon, the weekly habit of Dean and him driving to the nearest post office to pick up his newest order of books started.

Dean doesn’t mind spending a little extra time with his best friend, especially not since Cas’ smile rivals the fucking sun every time he opens the most recent package of books and starts looking through his purchases as if the novels were the most precious things in his life.

Around the third time they drive towards the post office, Cas breaks their small talk and starts talking about his current favorite book and how he thinks Dean would enjoy reading it quite a lot. He doesn’t come off too strong and he doesn’t try to push the hunter to actually start reading “The Hungergames”. He just sounds really fucking enthusiastic and happy about the simple thought of Dean reading it and he ends his short book presentation with a genuine smile and the words: “It would be amazing to actually have someone to talk about my books with. But, don’t feel pressured. I know you have a lot of more important things to do.”

And, of course, this was Dean’s downfall. There are very little things he wouldn’t do for Castiel and making him happy by reading a handful of books? Sure, he could do that. He’s just a little ashamed to actually admit that thought out loud.

Cas definitely notices that there’s a different book missing on the growing pile next to his door every evening, and it’s almost always the one he mentioned to Dean the last time they talked about his interest in literature. He doesn’t mention it though, knowing that Dean's probably uncomfortable about the fact that he actually reads the books his friend had recommended him.

He keeps quiet about it even after walking in on Dean sprawled out on the couch, his bed or a chair in the kitchen and with one of his books in his hands several times. He knows that Dean isn’t ready to talk about it, but he really can’t figure out why. His mood is progressively getting worse with every day the hunter avoids talking to him about the novels. Maybe he hates them? Maybe he hates Cas’ taste in books. But would he continue borrowing them if that was the case?? It all just didn’t make sense to him. Maybe Dean’s just ashamed about the fact that he tries to make Cas happy?

 Tonight is one of the nights where Cas, once again, had deemed reading more important than sleeping. It’s 2 a.m. when he’s on his way to the bathroom to get ready for bed and hears noises coming out of Dean’s room. As he reaches the door, he registers another loud sound. It’s a heart-wrenching sob, followed by what sounds like Dean unsuccessfully trying to calm his breath.

The door to the room is cracked open a bit and Dean sounds so heartbroken that Cas can’t help pushing it open a little wider and sticking his head inside to see if the hunter is alright.

Even though the noises he had heard were unmistakable, he wasn’t really expecting to find Dean sitting upright on his bed, body wrapped in a blanket, face red from crying and tears streaming down his freckled face. His eyes were screwed shut, chest heaving and right hand clutching to a book, left hand holding a soaked tissue.

Oh! He recognizes the book. “The fault in our stars”. Well, that explains a lot. Still, Cas is surprised to see Dean showing his emotions this openly. Of course, he probably hasn’t been expecting anyone to see him in this state, but Cas has witnessed him crying before and never had he been this emotional.

He hesitates a little before entering the room and approaching Dean carefully. “Dean?” He whispers gently, as not to startle him. “Are you okay?”

The hunter opens his eyes, his expression quickly shifting from shock to frustration. “What do you think, Cas?! How could I be fucking okay after finishing this book? I’m not okay. This stupid book is not okay. The damn word “okay” isn’t even okay right now. How could John Green be this cruel and just…” He trails off, sobbing again.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Cas asks, carefully watching Dean, who sniffs and quickly raises his arm to wipe away the tears on his cheeks with the back of his hand. When the former angel sits down on the bed next to him, Dean leans into his side, resting his head on his shoulder without a word.

“I just don’t- I don’t get why that had to happen. The ending was awful. All your other books have happy endings, why did Gus have to die??” He still looks sad. “Man, it was brutal.”

“Well, I personally liked this book a lot because it showed me that you can make so much out of your life, even if your time on earth is finite. It has, in a weird way, helped me to cope with the fact that I, myself, suddenly have a finite amount of time left. It showed me that being human can be horrible, awful, even cruel.” Cas sighs, a sad smile on his face. “But it also showed me how much of an impact love can make on your life. That you shouldn’t shut yourself out like Hazel tried in the beginning, but you should risk things, do what you like and not be afraid of love.” 

“Well… I guess you’re right. The last part of Augustus’ life was full of love, it probably couldn’t have been better. ‘m glad Hazel took the risk of falling in love with him.” Dean’s voice is much calmer now, the sadness that had been apparent before almost gone.

“She is kind of a role model, isn’t she?” He murmurs, turning his head towards Dean.

“Yeah, she is. You know, ... sometimes I feel physically sick thinking about how much time I have already wasted.” Dean raises his head now, too. Their faces are so close, Cas can see the tears still making Dean’s eyelashes stick to each other.

“Wasted on what?”

“Wasted on being afraid of my love for you.” Dean simply whispers, green eyes never leaving blue ones.

Cas breath hitches when Dean leans in even further, looking at him questioningly as if he's waiting for permission.

They don't need any more words now, Castiel just closes the leftover space between them and gently brings their lips into contact. They kiss until they are out of breath, parting with beautiful smiles on their lips.

“I would like to fill your life with love, too- for as long as you let me.”

“I’d love that, Cas. And we’ll make our ending a lot happier than theirs.”

Tag list:

@planetahmane @th3se-tacos-taste-funny-to-you @justyourordinaryfangirl @castielinparadise @agathamorse   <3

[pantheon-pjorp]

Robin Castle | 14 years old | Son of Dionysus | Cabin Twelve | TAKEN

↳ T h e  l i f e  o f  R o b i n  C a s t l e —

Since booking his first dog food commercials at age three, Robin Castle has had an itch to be on the silver screen. He inherits it from his mother, Dove Castle, who was an extremely popular actress in the 90s until the mid 2000s. Dove went the way of many bright-eyed young hollywood starlets, and was unfortunately typecast too often in roles, leaving her name to join many others in the forgotten wasteland of almost-stars. However, she did catch the eye of Dionysus, who aside from partying, wine, and insanity, is also the god of theater and can appreciate an amazing talent when he sees one. On December 23rd, 2002, little Robin was born. With a shock of black curls and deep purple, almost black eyes that were completely reminiscent of his father, Dove was determined to make him a star, having her son live out the dream she never got to fully pursue.

Even if it appeared as if Robin was unknowingly thrust into the world of acting, he’s loved every minute of it. Minor roles were never satisfying enough. Robin wanted to be a leading man, not a cute little brother or neighbor boy. Luckily, his mother knew the industry inside and out and as his manager was able to book him all kinds of roles. Even with a busy schedule as his notoriety grew as a child actor, what Robin really wanted to do was genuine live theater. Although being on tv and movie sets was fun, there was nothing quite like being spotlit on a stage in front of a live audience. His biggest obstacle in acting wasn’t the professionalism or long work days or stress, but the dyslexia that made it hard to read his scripts.

Despite it being well-known and agreed upon by many directors in Hollywood that Robin has raw, unmatched talent for a kid his age, once the kid got older, he started to become less professional. The television series that rocketed his fame from age eight until twelve came to a conclusion when the director apparently lost his mind while working one-on-one with the young prodigy. With plenty of other roles under his belt by this point, and the director’s meltdown seemingly having no correlation with the child star, plenty of other producers were grabbing at the chance to get Robin’s name tacked onto their projects. Dove made sure to keep a watchful eye on her son as he started exhibiting more abilities, going so far as to contacting his father and convincing him to send them a satyr to act as Robin’s personal assistant.

The bright, dazzling lights of the city of stars began to bear down on Robin, exposing him to the darker sides of hollywood. As he racked up more awards for outstanding performances in film and television, his ego began to get the better of him. After getting caught engaging in hallucinogens for who knows how long, enough was enough for the momager. Of course Dove was concerned about her son’s health, especially considering what those kinds of drugs could do to a demigod, let alone one who was known to influence other people’s psyche, but she also couldn’t let this get out to the public and ruin Robin’s career, not when he was this young. She broke his current movie deal to send him to the only sort of rehabilitation center that she thought could have a serious impact on him: Camp Half-Blood.

↳ C a m p  J u p i t e r ‘ s  8 – m o n t h l o c k d o w n —

Not present

↳ P e r s o n a l i t y —

Robin enjoys being the center of attention, but doesn’t work for it in a loud or flamboyant way. The way he asserts himself is a more understated sort of dominance, something that has unfortunately grown as his ego gets larger as well. He tends to have a lack of a filter and has no issue in bragging about his accomplishments when prompted. He can also be quite serious when necessary. Sometimes, Robin can’t tell which parts of his character are his own genuine feelings, and which are traits left behind from previous roles.

Despite the occasional reality-check needed, Robin can be quite likeable when he wants to be. It helps that he uses his empathy, most of the time unknowingly, to endear himself towards others. The ability to make friends is something Robin has always had to be good at in his line of work, but he also has trust issues when it comes to people possibly wanting to get close to him because of his fame.

↳ A b i l i t i e s  a n d  w e a k n e s s e s —

✔ As a son of Dionysus, he can control plants, grape and strawberry vines at whim, though he’s never tapped into this ability. He can also cause and cure madness (causing, he has a lot more practice in).

‣ Like all Greek demigods, Robin suffers from ADHD (to keep him alert to threats) and, because his brain is hard-wired to read Greek, from dyslexia.

✘ General ignorance when it comes to the life of a demigod, especially when it comes to fighting and monsters. Has a slighter frame and isn’t particularly strong, also lets his ego get the best of him when he needs to ask for help.

↳ T h i n g s  t o  r e m e m b e r —

He’s a completely new arrival to Camp Half-Blood, knowing nothing until the day he reached camp. He’s gotten the basic run down from Chiron and knows the basics, but this is still and entirely foreign world to him.

Though fighting instincts come naturally, he’s completely unpracticed in all manners of fighting and other basic athletics.

Robin tends not to like kids is age, and has always preferred spending time with his older co-stars.

He’s a recovering addict

Also a recovering vegan.

Hates nicknames, mainly ‘Robbie’. Many people who think they’re his friend call him Robbie.

Secretly self-conscious about certain things due to scrutiny from the media over the years.

Can carry a tune as well as dance, just things he’s picked up as an actor, but isn’t overly spectacular at either.

Has never had the opportunity to experience “normal kid things”, having done all his growing up on set.

↳ R e l a t i o n s h i p s —

Dean Rogers: Dean isn’t a huge fan of Robin and his actor’s complex, but Robin is determined to crack away at Dean’s shell. Robin sees him as quiet and brooding in a cool way, wanting to emulate that in his own character at times when he’s a bit too loud and brash.

Aaron Barman: Aaron definitely is willing to give Robin more of a chance than their other brother. Robin gets along with Aaron the best out of all his new siblings, and even feels as if he’s able to confide in him with his temptations with alcohol and drugs without being judged.

Dakota Dakila: He hasn’t met Dakota at all yet, and isn’t sure when he will, but according to Dean and Aaron, they should get along just fine.

Charlie Montgomery: Charlie is nice. A little too nice for Robin’s tastes. She’s also really pretty and smells like sunflowers, but that’s completely besides the point.

Akantha Billing: Akantha is the only younger person at camp that Robin feels is on the same page as him. She hates it just about as much as he does, and he’s not completely closed off to the idea of conspiring with her to ditch this place completely.

FC: Finn Wolfhard