#not only have I hurt people I loved I’m a fucking racist

[scrupulosity-comics]

hey is racism one of your obsessions? also white and ocd. if it is, how u cope with it? i'm really afraid all the time to hurt my loved ones who are black people, and they're the majority of my loved ones. and how do u identify whats racism from whats an intrusive thought?

Most of my race-related OCD is abstract stuff like “if I move out of my parents’ house and try to live my own life outside of their control, I will have to find somewhere I can afford to pay rent, which will probably mean moving into a low-income neighborhood, which would mean inadvertently helping to gentrify the community, which would gradually push the original residents out of their homes and disrupt community ties and support systems and creating housing insecurity, so therefore I can’t move out or move on”.

I think that’s just part of a larger existential terror that I can only ever make the world worse by living in it—a net harm to the universe, molecule by misspent molecule.

I have been letting this ask sit in my inbox for weeks now because I’m convinced that anything I say will be destructive. What if my answer enables or excuses racism? What if my answer fuels the anguish of the mentally ill?

The rational and compassionate part of my mind insists that your loved ones (and mine!) understand that you (and I) are white, and have likely dealt with white peoples all their lives, and are capable of judging for themselves whether you are good to them and deserving of their intimacy. It is impossible to go through life without hurting and being hurt by people you care about—always you will have blindspots and miscommunications and competing needs. That’s just part of the curse of consciousness and being a social species. We all get a little blood on our hands eventually, one way or another… friendship involves knowing this, accepting this, and committing to avoid it and then, that failed, to make things right.

Again: your friends know you’re white. They have reason to expect the best of you or they wouldn’t be your friends. They choose to have you in their lives; trust them to trust you, and to recognize the difference between a beloved friend struggling with a treacherous and unkind brain and doing their best in an inescapably racist society, and a racist who whose bigotry makes them unworthy of their time and affection.

I do think racism obsessions are a particularly difficult manifestation of OCD to cope with because they’re hard to discuss at all without feeling like you’re implicitly asking for absolution. With other types of OCD, it’s common to seek reassurance that what you’re obsessively afraid of isn’t true—but what feels more racist than asking someone to reassure you that you’re not racist…? LMAO.

They say the “cure” to OCD, such as it is, is just to learn how to embrace the existential horror of uncertainty. Tall fucking order. Hell on Earth! But in a bizarre way I have found the rhetoric that “everyone is unconsciously and incurably racist” to be unexpectedly helpful… there is no total psychological purging and mental purification we can undergo, no amount of ritual self-flagellation that will drive the demons out, no pristine state we can aspire to and hate ourselves for soiling. Only mundane everyday commitments to compassion and empathy and solidarity and cleaning up our messes. But even then, a thought isn’t a mess. A thought I’d not a thing that happened or a choice you made. It doesn’t represent an alternate timeline branching off into a parallel universe where you have acted on it and hurt people.

Earlier this year I was playing a video game—during my lunch break I got to wondering what happened if you failed a skill check that I had passed in my own playthough, so I looked up a clip on YouTube and was so triggered by the answer (the player character calls his companion a racial slur in the heat of the moment, without meaning to, even if you’ve played him as a committed anti-racist) that I immediately spiraled and was close to throwing up in the broom closet, and when I got home I opened my own save and tried to make the player character kill himself as catharsis. It was an incredibly unreasonable guilt response to a completely fictional scenario that I hadn’t even gotten in my own playthrough, but in retrospect it was a safe way to explore fear of my own internalized racism hurting somebody and what might happen if my intrusive thoughts came true. It sucked and it was terrible and I was angry at myself for being crazy about it, but it ended up being a small dose of exposure therapy and practice at not repenting for nonexistent through self-abuse.

I dunno. This has been a long uncomfortably personal ramble but I hope it’s helpful. I don’t know if your friends know you have OCD (or how it manifests) and I don’t know whether telling them would help. But allowing yourself to trust others to trust you is far more useful than beating yourself up for thoughts you don’t want. I have on occasion warned people that I am cautious about doing certain things with them—particularly drinking—because there is a risk that I may spiral and show symptoms humiliating and uncomfortable to both of us, and I don’t want to put them in a position where they witness or feel like they have to help me manage the white guilt elements of my disorder. These conversations have usually gone well, and the mutual understanding to boundaries takes some of the tension out, which seems to reduce the triggers. It’s messy and awkward and maybe it limits who is willing to be friends with me, but IMHO it’s better than surprising someone.

As for determining whether something is an intrusive thought or actual racism, I guess my answer is: does it matter? Would you manage them differently? Intrusive thoughts may be an evil voice in your brain, but racism is an evil voice in society’s brain.

[strang3lov3]

Edit 4/5/24 - Aya’s taken my fic down, and I promised to take down my posts about her plagiarism if she’d apologize to me for hurting me. She didn’t, so these posts are staying up. I blocked her and let her know she’s more than welcome to send an ask from a side blog apologizing. This behavior is unacceptable.

Update about my plagiarized fic/ayadrafts (original post here)

Tw-fatphobia, violent threats

First, I wanna say thank you to everyone who is showing up and sticking up for me. Eddie stans, Joel stans, writers and readers both. I love and appreciate you so much. I know a good amount of you have reported ayadrafts and that’s awesome. If anyone in the comments is able to let others know how to do the same, that would be greatly appreciated.

To be honest, I’m not entirely sure how to update this so I think we’ll just go through the timeline.

Explanation below.

Last time I talked about this yesterday where I wasn’t responding to an ask, I showed screenshots of ayadrafts’ messages with others, how she laughed at both them and me. I posted and reblogged with screenshots of countless deleted comments. That was in late afternoon. During that time, people repeatedly commented on Ayadrafts’ post calling out her blatant theft of my work and even alerted blogs that had reblogged/liked her post that it was stolen from me. Ayadrafts has admitted to stealing my fic, but simply does not care or feel bad.

What I did not see and what I do not have screenshots of is Ayadrafts telling individuals to k*ll themselves. It seems that she gets a comment, replies to it, and then deletes both within seconds. Multiple people, both friends and strangers have let me know that this was taking place.

As if she could not get any lower. Laughing in my face, mocking my work, and then telling people to k*ll themselves? Absolutely abhorrent and frankly, fucking cruel.

But apparently others who were defending me were cruel right back to her. From what I’ve heard, I believe people who were commenting remained fairly civil, even if ayadrafts herself did not like the comments. I’ve received asks about this and I’m disappointed to hear that people were in her asks calling her a fat cunt and other abhorrent things. That’s a low blow and does not reflect me or my values.

Believe me, I understand the anger. I’ve never met someone so antisocial and uncaring. I am angry too. Fucking livid. But that doesn’t give me or anyone else the right to say something just as heinously cruel back to her. I don’t condone anyone being sexist, fatphobic, homophobic, racist, or hateful on my behalf. None of these things will ever be tolerated by me, even if they’re being used to “defend” me. Not okay with that in the slightest.

Take the high road, don’t give this person any more ammo to be any more cruel and atrocious than she’s already being.

After this, ayadrafts disabled replies on her post of my stolen fic for the night and everything quieted down for the most part. Today, I see that she’s got those replies back on and is likely looking for another fight, blocking and unblocking people. Because, like I said yesterday, it is evident that she has a clear need for negative attention, and all of this is a game to her.

If you wanna participate in that game, you’ve got my consent. Spam the shit out of her, annoy her through posts like this and this. I don’t care, because frankly I am past the point of sympathy with her, and I think I’ve been way too forgiving up to this point. Maybe she’ll cave and delete my fic like I’ve repeatedly asked her to do. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But it’s entirely possible she won’t, and that she’ll double down even harder, and that by continuing to fuel the fire she’ll only debase herself further and in doing so make us all feel worse. Were you all drained watching this go down yesterday? Because I sure as shit was.

So at some point I might ask you all that we just drop it, for both the sake of my mental health and your own. I think we’re all unbelievably hurt and upset, but we need to be able to walk away at some point. The reality is, we can keep this going forever but hateful, spiteful people like this don’t often thrive long without something to feed on.

I’ve reported her post multiple times, tweeted at tumblr, and I’ve heard nothing but crickets. It is what it is.

[alcestas-sloboda]

I see so many reflections today from different people: someone woke up from the explosions, some from a phone call, some woke up and saw hundreds of notifications from different telegram channels. It is still so unimaginably bizarre. I have no ability to put into words the feeling of your world falling apart and we didn’t even understand half of the danger that was surrounding us. We were so damn close to disaster with half of Europe believing that nothing good will come out of it.

Ukrainians didn’t care what Europeans thought though, I personally saw news pieces about "Russia will take control of Kyiv" a lot later, somewhere in May, when Ukrainian military took control over the north of the country. And I’m so eternally grateful to every Ukrainian who made sure that all this "experts" sat in those flashy studios red from guilt. I’m grateful for my life, I’m grateful for our Ukraine. She persist. She is still the love of our lives. She’s hurt and devastated but she lives despite all the attempts to destroy her. Same as us. Somehow still here.

Yet I feel more detached from the western world than ever and I’m so fucking jealous of you all. It’s not even about the rockets or shakheds - somewhere along the lines you accept the fact that you may die in any moment - it’s about normal things like your Twitter feed that doesn’t look like a necrology, military terms that don’t make any sense to you, your city that doesn’t stop everyday to mourn the dead, you don’t feel guilty for trying to live a normal life while your classmate, who wanted to be a director, posts stories from the trenches. All of that and more. I’m not even entitled to my emotions because there always will be someone who says that my country is not suffering enough. I no longer react to comments like this as emotionally as I’ve done before but it is still so bizarre to see stuff like that from people whose countries have always been the one to inflict suffering on others.

I may sound mean or sarcastic or whatever but there is so much negativity inside of us that was put there by people like I’ve mentioned above that it is going to be released from time to time. "Your country shouldn’t exist", "Only 9 thousand killed", "You all are nazis/racist/zionists/any of the -ist terms" - yet you should always react in a constructive way because the moment you let your emotions go, you are the worst person on the planet. But who am I kidding, some people here do believe that we are. There is a thousand bad people with sketchy patches in a 40-million country and suddenly "That’s why I no longer support Ukraine". Well, honey, that means you never did. Because Syrian flags were quickly replaced with Ukrainian ones and just as quickly with Palestinian. It’s not about the "Support the oppressed", it’s "Anything to not feel guilty" because then you’ll find the reason to hate Palestinians, just as you did with us. If only you cared about the problematic shit happening in you country as much as you care about our political and social life.

But there are people who still are there for us. Countries that are still here. We may not say it as often but we are thankful. So very thankful for everything you’ve done and are doing for us. Thank you for hearing us and uplifting our voices.

Recently one of the most beautiful people here have lost her life defending me and you. She was always in my notes, always making sure that we didn’t feel uncomfortable even if she of all the people had all the right to be upfront about her thoughts and feelings. I don’t think I will ever get rid of the feeling of guilt. She was there while I wasn’t. She said to mourn her through anger. Anger towards the oppressor. Anger that should be directed into something useful: donations, sharing info, contacting your MPs and so on.

The soldier‘s death is not something out of ordinary during the war, it’s not considered a war crime but what if half of the army are civilians? Volunteers who left their homes to protect them. What if the soldier was a teacher, a poet, an actor, an IT-specialist, a scientist, what then? Isn’t it a tragedy? My country is loosing yet another generation of beautiful talented people and it makes my view of the future even darker.

But what can I say? I’m still here. My country still stands. Ukrainian air defence is doing everything possible and impossible to protect the lives of the civilians. Ukrainian military is still the only thing keeping us all alive. Heroes, titans, gods. Glory to them. Eternal glory to those who lost their lives defending Ukraine.

To Ukrainians: якось буде, прорвемся.

[intuitivesef]

Who is your future spouse?

Pick a card reading

Don't second guess yourself when choosing a card. Trust your intuition.

Take what resonates, leave what doesn't.

Summary of the reading: 1 bad quality (red) and 2 main part of their personality (green). 1-2 songs channeled for your connection.

Masterlist

Moodboard

Pile 1:

Materialistic:

Your future spouse is someone who focuses on materialistic possession, though they like being spiritual to a certain degree, their main focus is on their wealth. They have worked hard for the money they have in their bank account and they have pride in it. It’s healthy pride, more of an “I’m so proud of myself for accomplishing what I truly desire” type of energy.

Spirituality:

They are an intuitive person and they have visions. They can only see the future and not what will happen in the present. They tend to focus on the past, to a certain extent but their main focus is on the present and the future and that future includes you. You will definitely be a part of their world, no question about it and you will also rock their world.

Possessive:

They can be possessive but not toxic, I am hearing, “They’re mine because I love them too much. I don’t wanna be possessive like those scums. Baby, but you know I can’t also let you leave me too my little mouse. Like I just love you too much my little pumpkin. I’m sorry if my personality scares you….I hope it doesn’t—maybe it’s my insecurities that make me think I’m scary or whatnot but do know I’m so fucking madly in love with you. Everything about you drives me absolutely crazy and I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

Song:

You Rock My World - Michael Jackson

Want to give me tips, thank me, pay me, etc for my channeled readings? - $intuitivesef - thank you.

Pile 2:

Sensitive:

Instantly I am feeling a hint of anxiety and sadness coming from your future spouse. I am definitely getting that they’re a hopeless romantic but those sad and mopey types. They will definitely be very affectionate with you, no question about that however they’re on the sensitive side of things. For example, if you were to say something insulting to them whether you were mad or not, it would crush their heart without hesitation. This is because they hold you to a high place; they don’t hold you on a pedestal but they love you so much and for you to hurt them, it would crush them—imagine dying in a loop by a knife to your heart by the person you love. Just like that.

Hopeless Romantic:

Your lover is a hopeless romantic, all the cliches of romance and all of the basic nicknames like love, darling, dear. They have some traditional attributes with them but they also are free spirited. Which is a little silly because their qualities always contradict each other in a sweet way. They will absolutely love and adore you. Admire you and compliment you like no tomorrow. Cuddles are very prominent in this relationship. Gift giving and kisses on the cheeks and forehead too. Believe it or not but they like PDA (public display of affection) despite their introverted nature. I hear, “So what, I’m an introvert but you wanna hold hands in public? Ok! We are holding hands and no buts and uts. Wanna cuddles in front of someone? Sigh, ok! We will do that too. I make sacrifices only for you my prince/princess because I really do love you. I do. I promise. Actually!!!! I pinky promise, now that’s a big thing to me!”

Rudeness:

They don’t necessarily have a heart of gold, but at the same time, they do. They are also rude to people (they aren’t racist rude or sexiest rude. Just a “leave me alone” type of rude) because they don’t like people…and then don’t like attention either. A very big introvert. But what about you? Don’t worry about that. Think about the troupe: I hate everyone but you. That’s your troupe.

Songs:

Yellow - Coldplay

Home - Paravi Das

Want to give me tips, thank me, pay me, etc for my channeled readings? - $intuitivesef - thank you.

[flowence-writing]

hi bff i still desperately need to reread & watch thg but i love your writing sm so i needed to leave something anyway ,,, could you do something with nonbinary!reader coming out to johanna ? maybe it starts out angsty but gets more fluffy :3

point of no return - j.m.

summary: You come out to Johanna as nonbinary but some people overhear.

pairings: johanna mason x nonbinary!reader

warnings: transphobia, racism, hurt/comfort

authors note: i didnt specify the slur for obvious reasons, but if anyone has any concerns feel free to pm me.

request: yes

Johanna has noticed your odd behavior, it’s like you’re hiding something. You were hiding something but you didn’t know how to tell your girlfriend that you feel sick everytime someone calls you a “girl”.

You sigh as you set down your things in the training room. You massage your temples trying to will away the stress headache.

You feel arms wrap around you, and you smile a bit. “There’s my favorite girl.” You blanch and have to swallow the bile in your throat, your tense in her arms and she of course notices.

“What’s wrong?” Johanna asks hesitantly. You shake your head and wriggle yourself out of her arms. You go back to pick up the ax—but you’re stopped by a familiar hand and frustrated face.

“What the hell is wrong with you? Why won’t you tell me why you’re acting this way?!” She bellows out, uncaring for the eyes that look your way.

“Fucking hell, Johanna, you don’t need to scream.” You say, utterly calm. This only proves to provoke her further, demanding to know what’s wrong.

“Are you cheating on me? Is that it?” Your head snaps up immediately at her small voice, and you shake it vigorously. God what have you done?

“No, i’d never cheat on you!” You reply, desperation slipping into your brown eyes. Johanna blows a breath out of her nose.

“Then what is it?! Do you not love me? Is it me? What did I-” You cut her off of her ramble.

“I’m not a girl! I’m not a boy. I’m not... anything.” Your voice gets quieter as you say the last words. Johanna’s face crumbles in realization. You are non-binary.

You search her expression for any mean glares, anything that points to her hating you… but you find nothing, only love. “Of course that freak had to get even freakier! You are a girl, sweetheart, you’ll always be one.” A gruff voice taunts you.

“If you weren’t a [slur], I would’ve definitely had some fun with you.” The man smirks and your expression hardens, the blatant racism and transphobia is enough to spiral you off the edge.

Before Johanna could take the honours of punching the guy, you find yourself giving him a good right hook.

You don’t stop there though, grabbing the butt of your ax handle you slam it into his chest, over and over and over again. “You fucking! You transphobic racist motherfucker!” You scream, but suddenly someone pulling you off of him. You wriggle in their arms trying to get out and beat the shit out of that man more.

You see Katniss, your best friend yelling at the man promising to get him fired and punished. You sag with relief and realize you’ve been in Johanna’s arms.

“Jo?” You call out quietly, she is immediately turning you around so she’s facing the love of her life.

“I’m sorry,” You murmur. “I should have told you.” Johanna shakes her head and leans down to kiss your lips. You smile into the kiss, your eyes fluttering close and your hands wrapping around her waist.

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry for, my love.” You beam at her and she laughs loving your smile even if you hated it.

“Katniss will get that guy fired, I know she will.” You smirk at Johanna’s reassurance. “Well I got in a few good hits anyway.” At that your girlfriend laughs, her blue-green eyes staring longingly into your dark brown ones.

From then on, Johanna used your preferred pronouns and always asked what compliments you preferred before saying it. She began correcting anyone who misgendered you and you both kicked anyones ass who was mean to you.

[cancerian-woman]

NO BECAUSE WITH THE WAY BONNIE, TYLER, AND ENZO WERE WRITTEN, I’M ACTUALLY STUNNED AT HOW RACIST JULIE PLEC IS.

Like Michael Trevino is a non white fully Mexican man, Kat is a white Jewish/African American woman, and Michael Malarkey is a mixed man with Palestinian/Lebanese (Arab) heritage… what do Enzo, Tyler, and Bonnie have in common? LAZY AND/OR BAD WRITING. Enzo, like Bonnie and Tyler, had a compelling character and personality and storyline potential, but noooooo. Even if he wasn’t the most compelling love interest for Bonnie (which I also think was lazy writing), HE WAS DONE WRONG. THERE COULDVE BEEN MORE DONE WITH HIM.

Even in TO, POC aren’t done well. While POC are done better in TO than TVD, I don’t like how they did Marcel. Nope. I ain’t with the Marbekah train, and the Mikaelsons vilified that man when he was right about A LOT of things. AND THEY STAYED AT THE SAME HOUSE THAT HE WAS A SLAVE AT. THAT SHIT WAS WEIRD. But yeah, they made it very clear that it didn’t matter how close to the family Marcel was, he was never one of them. And maybe I’m reaching, but it reminds me of how in some white families that adopt black kids, they treat the black kid completely different than their biological children and I don’t like those undertones… but maybe it’s just me overthinking. And the thing is, she didn’t HAVE to write the Mikaelsons like that. Plec could’ve emphasised the family bond that the mikaelsons had with Marcel and how much it hurts for both Klaus and Marcel to be at odds with one another, but noooooo. They treated Marcel like that one “problem child” that’s iced out of the family.

But the racism carries on into Legacies because you cannot TELL ME that Alaric of all fucking individuals had a more compelling storyline than MG or RAF.

Not even in Legacies but in TVD, but remember Sarah Salvatore? The black Salvatore? SHE WAS DONE WRONG. COULD’VE HAD A GOOD STORYLINE.

Like people seem to think that the racism was only with Kat (and to be fair, she’s one of the only ones who has been outspoken about the racism), but as I look back at the TVDU more, it’s actually worse than I thought.

Vincent, Marcel, Bonnie, Tyler, Enzo, I’m definitely forgetting some, but the list goes on and on and on.

You summed everything perfectly tbh.

Yeah, Kat wasn’t the only one. Bonnie fans were rallying for years when the show aired and stopped airing. So that voice of fans naturally seems louder.

thank you for the ask💜!

[roxannepolice]

hi!!! hows it goin i’m here to dump my thoughts about simm!master/lucy vs ten and martha cause i have MANY. also a disclaimer before i begin that i’m white and that likely does color my experience as a viewer compared to a BIPOC viewer. anyways: i’ll start with ten and martha because by sound of drums we’ve spent all season watching them and its that already established dynamic which i think lucy/saxon are meant to parallel in a way. you have ten very much still grieving rose and his entire planet, which makes him try and push away any new companions for a bit. but he’s still looking for - and i think needs, in a way - this kind of connection where he can depend on someone, and ideally they could depend on him. however. ten sucks at this second bit. for the entire season. so he’s in need of this connection despite not wanting any whatsoever, emotional intelligence completely out the window right now since he’s grieving x2, and martha unfortunately walks in right in the middle of this. so you get this dynamic really starting from i’d say the shakespeare code wherein martha is carrying a lot of the weight in their relationship. ten will entrust her with the most deeply personal shit (like his memories of gallifrey, his feelings on losing rose, even in 42 where he’s like "i’m scared i’m so scared" where he depends on martha for emotional support) and then when martha’s like hey can i get some support here or something ten’s like “uh sorry all out too busy being sad” i mean that's a bit exaggerated/summarized but thats the vibe they have. in the beginning he doesn't even admit she’s traveling with him! he’s all “just one trip” “just one more” and refuses to make a concrete decision that martha really needs him to make already. and despite this emotional unavailability shtick ten still relies on martha quite a bit! off the top of my head you have 42(martha freezing/unfreezing ten as he screams in pain), blink (they get sent back to the 1960s… and only martha gets a job???), and. human nature. wherein martha endures racial abuse alongside lesser shitty working conditions in order to ensure the doctor doesn't get his body possessed or something. and in the middle of it this human version of the doctor falls in love with another woman(after basically uh leading her on for the whole fucking season) (sure maybe unintentionally but that's not the point here) who. also was racist to her she's not even a nice person. and her only friend in this godawful place gets possessed. and human doctors a dick to her. and i think. i reflect on it and i come to the conclusion that ten very much does expect martha to just… do his job for him sometimes. handle all the dirty work like making sure human him doesn't get distracted or hurt or die. and still immediately after is like haha we are in 1960 now. i will not get a job what is that. why do you want me to “communicate” or “pull my weight” you’re traveling across space and time lol.

and the master and lucy are a darker extension of this dynamic that i actually haven't really seen people talk about much!! the master is very clear about why he married lucy, and there is no love/admiration/respect whatsoever in there. it is purely a means to an end - her family gets him influence, and she helps him carry out his plans. he gives nothing to lucy, only takes. which is in itself a mirror to ten & martha - the audience knows ten isn’t intending to be malicious in how he treats martha throughout the series, but when paralleled to lucy & the master i think you really get a sense of the harm this can cause down the line. what resentment this kind of dynamic can lead to. and ALL THE WHILE martha is walking the entire planet for a year to save all of humanity while ten hangs out aged 100 with his little tent & dog bowl & seething sorta-ex-husband-boyfriend-whatever. i mean he doesn't have the best time either but he also doesn't have to do that much and also is perhaps a bit too happy about not being the last time lord to fully grasp that hey, uh, humanity's in pretty dire straits right now. martha watches as the master turns earth into a living nightmare, slaughters millions of people on a whim, turns ten into a 900-year-old tweety bird, and tortures her family for a year, only for ten to go “guys dw i can fix him lol we’ll just live in the tardis for eternity together” as if she hadn't had to fight for that too. and ten is still shocked-pikachu-face when she goes “yeah no i’m leaving. i gotta get out.” and that is very much similar to lucy's moment in a way! where she sees the doctor forgiving(without really considering everybody else's opinion on the Past Year), martha's mom talked down from killing him, even Jack is talked down from his confusion at the whole idea, and i think in that moment she goes. okay. you guys can forgive. you guys can let him walk away having just taken, taken, taken everything without any repercussions. i meanwhile have this gun and two years of pent-up rage coursing through my veins. and both of these moments - martha leaving, lucy firing the gun - come at a shock to the doctor and the master. i mean you can see the master's little "oh" face when he gets shot. even if he plays it up like he expected it after i don't think he considered it before. and i think on a certain level neither really expected to be called out like this - ten because he’s got the emotional intelligence of a baseball bat, the master because he doesn’t think humans are capable of wiping their own asses - so in both of these moments in LoTL theyre like "wait i didn't know you could do that"

anyways tl;dr thats why i think lucy and the master are a darker parallel to the doctor and martha in their own way. which feeds into the rest of the finale where the master is just showing the natural extremes to who the doctor is - this is that toxic dependency taken to its natural worst possible place, where you treat someone as a tool rather than as a person. the master's generally a great foil to the doctor but the series 3 finale is just a fantastic example of it i think.

OMG, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts like this! And I love your thought process here so much.

First, absolutely, Martha is the case of right person, wrong time... which is probably what makes hers my favourite companion arc - as I like to put it she travelled through hell and pulled her Virgil (because yes, the Doctor absolutely always has this guide role that brings Virgil to mind, at least in companions' first episodes) to the Earthly Paradise in the process. There's a lot of debates going on about whether Ten was leading Martha on, because on the one hand - well, he's very clear he's not into her romantically, on the other - ok, bitch, you made it clear the kiss doesn't mean anything, but also you hit off with flirtatious winks and end showing off time travel while also casually showing off your Adam's apple. Yeah, a girl can make deductions. And you're right that this superficial frankness is mirrorred in Master's relation to Lucy - though if anything he's crrepily keen on playing a caring husband, what with the 100% performative hug he gives her while the Toclafane are hacking a journalist up. Though I suppose in his head this is what the Doctor does as well when they comfort their companions. And let's give it to Ten - when he said he's not going to let Martha *checks notes* fry in a small capsule in far space because of a sentient sun, he does bend head over tits and does as promised. But historically it has happened that the Doctor's reassurances were hollow (future, but kind of most painful in Twelve assuring Bill he's going to de-cybermanize her only to later admit yeah not really an option... considering Saxon was there to witness this, I wonder if he marked this in his Notebook (of Rassilon) of Spiting the Doctor).

Ten's handling of the chameleon arch is kind of pathetic, thanks for pointing that out! Like, ok - if the Family gets a whole Time Lord lifetime it is a genuine threat to the universe, but his attitude of oh I'm just going to spend three months as a human in a random timespace, what could possibly go wrong, and anyway, Martha will be there to clean up any mess? is a mess. I do like John Smith's romance with nurse Radfem, though, not in the sense of shipping them, but more of an appreciation of the concept: a classic victorian/edwardian romance, but when you look at it from the persective of a BIPOC servant... it kind of becomes apparent both parties are dickheads. This does tie back to the Master in a way, because I think... want to think... that by the time the Doctor went oh no, we're better than a tyrant maniac that spent a whole year destroying the planet and torturing everyone in the room specifically, so we're not going to execute him, I'm going to put him in my nice spaceship and we'll have nice cuddle movie evenings instead, she was already hardened by the fact that he put her in an (unintentionally) tailor made emotional torture room for three months only to later reveal oh yeah, I could absolutely have handled them all along. Is just higher moral ground, innit?

I guess as all best foils do, the clue lies in the diffrences, though, right? Both Martha and Lucy end up deeply disillusioned with their respective semi-immortal twinks from space, but in one case there is still a disillusioned friendship (Ten's surprised Pikachu face, excellent comparion) and in the other there's only hate - and for good reasons! And where the Doctor grows to really respect Martha (and I wouldn't say he started off dismissive, I mean he is impressed when she tells him oh no mister, a doctor isn't something you just are, you have to earn the title) and is not just saddened but... humbled?... by her leaving, the Master shows up in EoT and is like Hey, my widow, did you miss me, hope you haven't remarried, that would be awkward to explain in the registry office :D!

*sigh* I suppose this is why tensimm is so special to me. It's 20 seasons of foil dynamic condensed into 5 hours. It really shows how thin the difference between the Doctor and the Master is. And how in the right circumstances, including the loss of the handy mirror villain to show how things can go wrong, a madman with a box can turn into an eldritch horror deciding the future of the universe. So, again, thank you so much for poining out yet another excellent parallel!

[sea-buns]

not really, but I suppose that’s just a difference of opinion. I do think that gorgug’s nightmare sequence was one of the weakest, especially with how it shifted topics (being dead, small spaces, not being able to escape a stereotype, because if any of these had been expanded on that would’ve been great), but I do think a lot of gorgug’s character revolves around feeling in-between, or too much one thing and not another and trying to close that gap. The best one for me was deffo the sphinx tho, I interpreted it as not *just* about him being dumb, but rather like. You’re big and dumb and strong and your main job is getting angry and hitting shit with an axe. You went to a community of gnomes and they gave you a better axe, and you loved it. You are uniquely dumb, unlike those who have come before you, because you cannot solve a specific kind of puzzle while a sphinx talks at you. You are the reason your parents cut contact, and from the beginning you were unsuited for their home. Your extended family predicted that you would grow to know only rage, and here you are, a barbarian. You, from this perspective, are not proving them wrong.

I do think that that whole sequence does reveal that he’s afraid of like. Being that stereotype? And then going yeah sure I’m stupid eat me, then moving forward and clawing your way into understanding anyways

Ahhh I see. Yeah I think I did misunderstand your first ask a bit lol

I did really love a lot of the topics his sequence brought up. Like I've read some incredibly well-written fanfics that covered the ways that claustrophobia, and imposter syndrome, and being dead have affected him. But like you said, if they had just honed in on at least one, rather than hopping back and forth, it could have done so much for that section. Cuz, personally, I don't feel like we saw Gorgug be significantly affected by any of those. At least not in a way that felt complete and satisfying.

I really like what you said about his character being "in-between". I totally agree. Kinda circles back to how his parents trying to help him calm his rage was actually stifling him.

Your family needs you to calm down; you've broken another bedchairdoorappliance. Your teacher wants you to rage; he says anger is good but you don't understand. You sing to try and calm yourself, you're always trying to be kind to others; they only use it to hurt you more and all you can do is get angry back. Your friends need you to rage. You don't have the power to protect them socially, but this you can do. You try not to rage outside of a fight, but.... they don't seem to be that bothered when you do. In fact, you watch them provoke physical confrontation when they're mad on many occasions.

(Oops dipped a biiiit into the pot of how important friendship is to his character. Did not mean to lol it's just one of my fav things about him so it's kinda subconscious I guess)

But yeah! He's also in such a limbo this season as well! You can't do this you're too angry, you're not smart enough for that, you don't rage right.

Also realllyy like your interpretation of his trial. The angle you described it at was really interesting.

I don't think stereotype is the right word, though. I would say... he's afraid of becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy? I'm assuming based on your own "stereotype?" that you weren't sure about the word either.

I don't think Gorgug is, or would ever be, afraid of being a "stereotype". Like I don't think he gives a shit about the stereotype that orcs/half-orcs/barbarians only know anger and destruction. I think he's afraid of being a self-fulfilling prophecy of all the things people say that he is. Stupid, mindless, destructive, etc. To pull from what you said here (which it wont let me copy paste on mobile god fucking damnit)

"Your extended family predicted that you would grow to know only rage, and here you are, a barbarian. You, from this perspective, are not proving them wrong."

"Stereotype" for sure applies to his racist extended family. They fucking breathe stereotypes like oxygen. But the bit where his afraid of becoming what everyone says he is, I think "self-fulfilling prophecy" suits that much better. He believes he can be more than that, he knows he can, but it doesn't change the fact that they are technically right.

Okay and the giving in but then "clawing your way into understanding anyways" actually goes so hard lol. Anon, you are so right. From that pov, it's not so much a give up as it is an acknowledgment before he essentially puts the subject on ice.

Rings back a bit to the start of fhjy to me. That dread of seeing the email of school starting back up again, and the terrible sinking pit in your stomach of avoidance, because the time has come to really unpack all that. There was something specific Zac said in his little Gorgug recap before the season started that was about, like, the dread of having to figure out who the fuck you're gonna be when everyone around you seems to have their shit together. That. That hit hard lmao but the experience that he's covered is very true to Gorgug, I think.

I totally misunderstood your first ask! Though I'm happy you sent another cuz I understand a lot better, I think. And tbh I've never had the opportunity to discuss that section of fantasy high with anyone? I wasn't on tumblr or watching d20 when it first aired so I missed these specific topics. Always been v interested in what others thought of his part. Maybe I should put the vods on in the bg next time I'm play sdv. Give em a relisten. And man. The fact that I'm out here quoting your message brings me back to english class so hard. Shocked I don't hate it. Actually having a topic you give half a shit about does wonders huh lmao

Thanks for the ask! You have altered my perspective and I appreciate it. It's like how sometimes you gotta read something out loud to understand it. If all I have is the walls of my own skull, I can only get so far.

[phddyke]

What Blitz doesn’t know:

1. Stolas’s marriage is abusive

* He might not even know it’s bad. All he’s seen is royal portraits of their happy family together as he’s been led through the halls, and the Hellhound security team brought him in after Stella finished her rant. Based on his expression after Ozzie implies their affair ruined Stolas’s marriage/relationship with his daughter, he feels guilt about that. Maybe he feels like a homewrecker.

* I’m not entirely sure he knows Stolas asked for a divorce immediately after their one-night stand. Based on the pilot, he ran away with the book too fast to hear him.

* And, by that token, he doesn’t have a clue Striker was hired by Stella to not only kill Stolas but torture him first (and he never told Stolas Striker was a danger because he didn’t think he was especially unique, and now feels bad about that, I’m sure).

2. That his reaction in Ozzie’s was about being humiliated in front of so many people, not actually because he was ashamed of Blitzø.

3. By that same token, Stolas only responding with “okay” when Blitz says that their relationship is clearly only about “wanting me to fuck you” was NOT actually confirmation that Blitz’s suspicions were correct.

4. Stolas’s text messages were him trying to reassure Blitz he doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want—he just became really unclear about what he wants in the process, which makes it look like he doesn’t want him to visit.

5. That he improved Stolas’s life, he didn’t ruin it. Because of Blitz, he got the closest he ever did to telling his daughter the truth about his relationship, asked for a divorce, and even after Ozzie’s he stood up for himself and DEMANDED the divorce! Not to mention Blitz clearly gave him the only happiness he had in a while.

6. The only pictures Stolas has on his phone of them make it look like Blitz is constantly annoyed by his presence.

7. He has absolutely no clue whatsoever about Blitzø’s feelings. None.

8. Striker made fun of him about the fact that Blitz didn’t come to save him.

9. He probably offered for Blitz to be his bodyguard because Stella said “Can you imagine if he didn’t have money!”, so he doesn’t think anyone will have sex with/hang out with him if money isn’t involved.

10. Stolas isn’t actually racist or classist, it’s more like he says things thoughtlessly and is blinded by privilege in many aspects. But he doesn’t have some weird fetish for imps.

11. Stolas loves him!! We all know he’s a horny motherfucker but he does deeply love Blitz so much.

What Stolas doesn’t know:

Oh man, where do I start.

1. Blitzø’s biggest fear is dying alone.

2. He’s afraid to get close to Stolas because of commitment issues and the “eventually everyone goes” mentality, BUT also because of the race/class difference he’s scared to lose his freedom and basically become one of Stolas’s servants.

3. He comes toward Stolas in the hallucination anyway. Away from everyone else and toward him. (Crawls toward him, in fact.)

4. That he stole Verosika’s car, ran three rings to Wrath, maxed her credit cards on shitty horseback-riding lessons, and left her to pay for the hotel room while they were dating. (He does know that Blitz was a selfish lover to her and broke her heart, though.)

5. He’s in awe of Stolas. You can see it when he sees his demon form when Stolas saves him, when he puts on his human disguise, and when he’s being trampled on the ground and sees Stolas’s tail feathers as he’s being carried away above him. He’s put him on such a pedestal that 1) he can’t believe Stolas would ever love him back and 2) he’s forgotten that Stolas is mortal and can be hurt, both emotionally and physically.

6. Blitzø has no idea of Stolas’s feelings toward him—since episode 2 we’ve been aware that he’s operating under the assumption that “no one” loves him, and since Ozzie’s we know Blitzø thinks that Stolas makes it clear “all the time” that their arrangement doesn’t go deeper than fucking. Therefore, when he invited him to the date at Ozzie’s, he wasn’t cruelly playing with his feelings; he had no idea said feelings existed (though, he probably should’ve been honest that he wanted to spy on M&M). Even when Moxxie says, “He seems to like you, sir,” Blitzø responds with “Okay, my dick is GOOD—but it is not that good,” misinterpreting Moxxie’s observation of Stolas’s feelings for him as Stolas’s sexual interest in him.

7. His “oh yeah…I guess it is, huh” when Stolas called Ozzie’s their first “real” date wasn’t him being like “ew I don’t wanna go on a date with this guy,” but more like “Oh right…this is our first real date and I’m using it to spy on M&M, this isn’t really how I wanted our first ‘real’ date to be.”

8. Blitzø’s obsession with M&M stems from his own desire to have a happy, healthy, monogamous marriage like they do, despite constantly mocking them about it.

9. Blitzø has a picture of Stolas asleep and himself looking happy to be cuddled up with him forefront on his phone.

10. Blitzø has scratched himself out of every picture of himself, his friends, his daughter (and twin sister) on his walls.

11. The betrayed look on his face—the “I knew this was going to happen but I was hoping it wouldn’t” when Stolas covered his face at Ozzie’s.

12. How concerned he looked when Stolas said “I seem to have been stolen by your little cowboy friend,” how much MORE concerned he looked when Striker spoke to him directly, that he was so furious he broke his phone AND damaged his car after that before he started driving recklessly and seemed to be seriously contemplating going for Stolas himself. He even grilled M&M on their ability to do so, rushed through the doctor’s appointment, vented about it in the waiting room, and looked so happy when he thought they’d brought Stolas back safe and sound. (Didn’t even correct the doctor who called him “Bingo,” just wanted to get out of there.)

13. The look on his face and the genuine surprise when he said “he can get HURT?” Not to mention the “Stolas got what?” and the crack in his voice when he said “how?”

14. When he said “If you promise this isn’t some fuck-fest invite it does sound like a blast and a half,” he wasn’t annoyed with Stolas, he was annoyed that the only thing he thought Stolas cared about was sex with him.

15. That he changed the screaming sound of Stolas’s ringtone to a cute bird one and presumably changed the contact name from “Creepy Mouth (aka one night stand bird dick)” to his actual name. Not to mention, his ringtone for Loona is a dog one—what does it say that he made Stolas’s a bird one?

16. When Blitzø is giving Stolas that weird look when they meet as children, he’s not finding kid!Stolas weird or annoying, he’s weirded out because Stolas’s father is there acting like a jackass and hitting him in front of Blitzø. (It took me multiple rewatches to notice that one, actually.)

17. That despite saying “We ain’t bodyguards. That was a one-time thing we did badly,” he saved Stolas from Striker the first time without 1) being asked or 2) paid to do it. He just did—and didn’t tell him afterwards in order to receive any type of accolades. He saved him quietly.

18. He didn’t actually deny that Stolas was his boyfriend when that’s what Millie called him.

19. Striker was the first person outside of I.M.P. to call Blitzø on his feelings for Stolas—and mock him for them.

20. “I’ll take the first watch” and “You guys better go make sure Stolas is okay” in Loo Loo Land.

21. Blitz tried to get his attention when he was attempting to break into Stolas’s room. That’s gotta mean something, idk what.

22. Blitzø lied to everyone, including himself, that he had to sleep with Stolas to get the Grimoire when he actually did that AND spent the entire night with him of his own free will (which actually jeopardized his mission, let alone helped it).

23. Blitz remembered him for over two decades—Stolas had forgotten him until he showed up again, it seems.

24. Blitzø had a chance to go home with Cash Buckzo but he stayed and played with Stolas instead.

25. He was about to say something when Fizzarolli called his love life “a pile of shit” before Verosika cut him off. He also looks at Stolas and back when Fizz sings, “Some nerve you’ve got to comment on a relationship.”

26. He cried after Ozzie’s.

* He got wasted off his ass after Ozzie’s.

* He said he could drink Queen Bee-lzebub under the table because “you have no idea what kind of night I’ve had” and told Loona he had “a really shitty day.”

* He was gonna have sex with a dude who looked like Stolas but in the end got rid of him—and requested a man by the same name as the lead in the soap opera Stolas also watches.

* He made out with, at minimum, four strangers (if Dennis was in the five-person makeout).

* He cried that Fizz was right that he was gonna die alone again.

* Even though he couldn’t remember Dennis’s name when they’d been making out ten seconds ago, the last word on his lips before he fell asleep was “Stolas” (he also seems to have gone in increasing order of importance with the names he muttered).

27. That he slept with Chaz, but said he was terrible in bed, used him for information, and snuck out as soon as Chaz was asleep instead of staying beside him all night.

28. That Blitzø was paid to hang out with him that day (though thankfully neither of them know that he was only worth $5 and a slim-fit condom to Cash Buckzo), and he didn’t want to steal from him.

29. How scared Blitz looked when he was being led back to Stolas’s room after he said “I will deal with him accordingly.”

30. He’s almost definitely reading Stolas’s apologetic and “only if you want!” texts as lack of interest.

31. How hurt/annoyed Blitz is every time Stolas thoughtlessly says something about imps, which is especially prevalent in “Harvest Moon Festival.”

32. Despite the persona he puts on and what Stolas probably believes because of that persona, Blitzø is clearly struggling with self-hatred and self-worth issues in general.

33. How much it’s going to hurt Blitzø when he reaches out and Stolas rejects him (or what he’s going to see as Stolas’s rejection when he gives him the crystal)—because that’s exactly what happened with his sister. For all we know, Stolas isn’t even aware that Blitzø has a twin sister.

34. He loves Stolas with everything he has and deep down he’s aware of that, even if he’s lying to himself about it.

Conclusion: AHHHHHH

[lavender-teardroplettes]

Hi, it’s me, a BIPOC creator ready to talk about Tom

I’m going to preface this in saying that I was really hoping that Tom would listen to the people who were genuinely disappointed in him and wanted him to do better. I want to highlight that people were expressing their own past history with right wing grooming towards racist ideologies, dog whistles, and downplaying of Black and Indigenous suffering during the peak of the situation on top of all the hurt that comes with another trans person not understanding how bad their internalized transphobia is. In light of Tom deleting his tumblr, changing the L4L twitter username and privating both that account and the main one in question….I have some points as a disappointed ex-fan that I hope extends to other communities.

First and foremost; I would like to be clear and transparent:

I was one of the POC creators that asked QLP from Florescent Red Studios to echo my feelings at the time. I work a lot, I try and vividly express this and didn’t have the energy at the time to address this despite having a lot of words that I have gratefully seen echoed through the situation as it has developed. A few of them have carried over from seeing devs being harassed from a separate situation over the past year that I have a lot of words on. If you’re the perpetrators of that event I highly suggest you apologize and work on yourselves, but that’s an issue for another time.

To be honest, I will always be disappointed in people like Tom who hide these sort of hateful views, but…sometimes I can’t say I’m not surprised. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt, because, in all honesty, I love this community we’ve built despite the drawbacks that come with making something new out of nothing and wanting to support other people. I can say for certain that a lot of us were the weird kids, and it’s more than amazing to have that safety in community, but I can’t ignore that there are some issues.

We’re still people despite being online, people who sometimes can be more busy than usual. Tone is hard to pick up on and sometimes it’s hard to fully communicate how you feel, but immediately jumping into hatred and defensive mode is never the way to go, and there should be room for open discussion when people are hurt and still trying to make space to educate others. There should be space for open discussions because we have this mediation tool that we can walk away from and come back to when we look at it objectively and not emotionally.

Tom, if you see this, I want to ask you if you actually fucking care at all about me and what a lot of people in the BIPOC community went through/are currently going through in the hands of conservatives that have groomed you into their ideology. I want to ask you if you really know about the actual fetishization we face if it isn’t straight up murder, misogyny/misogynoir, etc? Because it sounds to me like you were a tourist and I’ve strictly only been to either sides of the coast because you will never catch me in the South in this country unless I am in severely Black populated cities. And even then you’d never fucking catch me in the South.

It’s hard for me to touch on the grooming topic further because I’m a victim of multiple instances of CSA….I don’t believe in just pointing at one community, I think every community should keep themselves in check when it comes to shaming and ousting out p*dos and N*zis at the least- because again, they shouldn’t fucking be tolerated.

I will echo this sentiment: if you don’t condone what you’re writing about, you shouldn’t be condoning or perpetuating worse actions in a community full of BIPOC, disabled, marginalized, etc fans in real life.

On the note of BIPOC, please…please actually learn about our history and struggles. Whether it’s taking a history course, watching BIPOC educators….it’s something I think people should really learn about. It’s painful, it’s hard, but it’s what we have to live with everyday and don’t have the energy to remind people of all the time because of how draining it is.

I will be clear, I’m expressing my disappointment. I don’t want any harassment towards anyone, you shouldn’t be lowering yourself to that level.

But- I’m fucking tired and am urging people to do better. Please.

[swiftiebookwormlogastellus]

Intro post!!

I realize I should have made this earlier, but better late than never, right?

Hey, I’m Sybil!!! That’s not my actual name, just the first letter of each of the words in my user run together (SBL sounds like Sybil.) I am a MINOR. I’m genderfluid, omni (no I am not sexually attracted to omelettes, thanks for asking), and acespec. My pronouns change a lot, so default to they/she, but I don’t mind if you use he/him. Neopronouns don’t really fit for me.

Pretty much all of “my” stuff is under #sybil speaks if u wanna go looking

In the interest of privacy, I won’t link my discord/instagram/etc on here, but if we’re mutuals definitely feel free to ask!! My ask box is also open to anyone :)

DNI if you are:

Ableist

sexist

homophobic

transphobic

racist

a jerk

You’re not cool. It’s not a joke. It genuinely hurts people.

if you don’t like something I say, then tough. It is not my job to keep the internet catered to your liking. You are perfectly within your rights to scroll away. The only exception is if I have genuinely fucked up, and in that case kindly let me know so I can fix it.

my lovely lovely moots: @unforgettable-sensations @agentarmoire @diocletion-aint-shit @glagy @whatthehelltony @chaosgremlinlivinginyourwalls @mossroomq @acewithobsessions @lightblueglazeddiaryonthewall @drberfarious @all-l-wanna-do @estellastars @aspenshade88 @key-lime-lies @bookreadingpsycopath @exit-pursued-by-a-lesbian @melemele-island-official @ineffablehusbands23 @that-one-short-friend @thegirlwholivesin-delusion @geminni5 @leniisreallycool @my-castles-crumbling

(lemme know if I missed anyone it’s been a while since I talked to some moots)

if anyone ever wants to infodump on me please please please do so I love hearing it. Just make sure to let me know the tws beforehand :)

Be well, be loved, be safe!!

[no-see-um-incorrect]

My exact thoughts while watching the summit 

Without context 

Spoilers obviously ⚠️

-What is it with Asher and losing his shoes? 

-David&Milo giving me big brother vibes rn

-“Jesus Christ hold still I’ll grab you one of mine” something about this line made my heart do a little flip 

-Vincent honey you’re doing your best and the best you can do is good enough ❤️

-got ghosted by daddy again!?!?

-The music 💀 Vincent I dare you 

-why can’t these to get married already? 🙄

-ngl I thought he was about to propose 

-a CROWN! Omfg i’m gonna start crying 

-“beautiful” OK. there it is. I guess I’m crying now 

-samsamsamsamsam

-Love kissing my cowboy 🥰

-me at every Thanksgiving dinner ever 

-how could the house be on fire? Asher is not even there yet

-me at Thanksgiving Pt2

-I am so gay for this Southern Man 

-“butter pecan what else” OOOOO! That sounds good. I could fuck with that 

-HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP LIKE THAT!

-“it’ll be our reward for making it through this in one piece” remember what happens when you assume Sam 

-Vincent handled this so well 

-Porter Absolute asshole..PORTER YOU FUCKER!

-gaslight gatekeep Girlboss-porter solaire 

-“actually, the circumstances of my birth well unfortunate were perfectly legitimate”  I can’t with this man. (this is something I would say)

-am I the only one who didn’t know that people just have meetings at fancy parties like this? and it’s like completely normal?

-so they have racist tendencies but they’re not racist…. yeah that tracks. 

-why did I not think there was gonna be food at this party? 

-Asher and Milo 🤣(also poor Vincent)

-Asher what did you do?!???

-Alexander and Christopher Bennett….why do I feel like these two are gonna be important

-last time I heard someone say that it ended up being a funeral 

-oh Christopher is just a dick 

-Who would’ve guessed the dick and the Ass are buddy buddy  fan fucking tastic 

-you did not just diss my boys eyeliner 

-Alexis? already? I was not expecting her appearance to be this early 

-oh. Oh she’s exactly like I expected her to be. Oh oh, I don’t think I could hate being right more than I do in this exact moment 

-I Am gunna fuck her up

-and YOU have never fought ME  Stay in your lane pussycat before you get hurt 

-“you should hope you never do” this is probably foreshadowing 

-you child!?!?? Grow up!?!???! Has she met her self !??

-let’s just completely forget what you did to Sam  because that surely wasn’t very “adult” of you Alexis 

-“because I wanted him” she is asking for it. *Googles how much a hitman costs*

-“fixed him” out of everything she said why does this line hit  worse than all the others? 

-given my track record I probably would have met him even if he was a Dilf healer

-oh the feeling is more than mutual honey 

-oh she’s a Cunt. I hate her. I hate her so so much.

-PORTER  THANK FUCK

-burn her Porter RECK HER

-“apologize to Sam yet” the enemy to the enemy is my friend 

-“as if I have a gag reflex” (i’m dead)

-also. go choke on a dick Alexis 

-thanks for checking in I was just about to commit a homicide

-hold on she’s only half a century old! I CAN TAKE HER (talking all that shit and she can’t even back it up)

-A blend of self-assured and insecure (sounds like high school ngl)

-🎼everyone thinks that were perfect🎼Please don’t let them look through the curtain🎼

-SAM! Hubby come help me before I commit multiple crimes 

-“my mate” never get old damn🥰

-how did I not know that vampires could track people? 

- “are you-” gonna go help my husband that’s what I’m doing  adios Captain Jack sparbitch

-I know this guy isn’t saying anything wrong  directly but I feel like this conversation is wrong in someway (it very well could be the autism)

-FUCK QUINN 

-honestly. Willy same  

-can’t excuse the Alexis part though 

-pretty please tell me that that line isn’t foreshadowing 

-Sammy angry (pop off boy it’s hot 😍)

-“if there’s any shred of you left that still remembers caring about me” OH FUCK THAT LINE OHHH FUCK

-The waiver in his voice. I can’t  i’m barely holding it together 

-“roll around with dogs” i’m about to cuss this hoe out 

-hey only Sam is allowed to call me that!

-ash has the same culinary standards as me (the quiz was right)

-Porter where the fuck did you come from? 

-did Sam teach you that? 

-Asher and Milo is me and my sister fr

-OoOooO say yo name again Milo. it made my brain happy

-Damn straight. One of the best in the department💅

-how did he know?!

-Asher honey. shut up 

-why can’t anybody else hear us? All these vampires are as old as dirt they probably can hear a pin drop of mile away

-Little bear? WHO? 

-Seriously what is with these meetings

- sweetheart is Batman confirmed?!?!??

Part two tomorrow because this is TOOOOO LONG

[half-moonshine-full-eclipse]

I have to say I’m fundamentally uninterested in “here’s who the songs are REALLY about”/“here’s what the album is REALLY about” theories because I have thought since last summer that Taylor owes her fandom (especially those of us who aren’t white!!!) an apology for dating a sexist racist dirtbag and putting him onstage during Eras and making all of us watch her focus on what she wants over crafting inclusive spaces

lots of people, myself included, were really hurt, and only a few spaces in the fandom (in particular some subreddits) were really open to discussing the harm she was doing to those of us supporting her. I saw a lot of long-term fans leave, and reckon with her pretty blatant idgaf attitude about racism and misogynoir and come to the conclusion that she wasn’t worth stanning anymore. I saw a lot of people get ignored or shouted down. I had to autopsy my Swiftie status because I was horrified by what she was doing after being a fan since 2008.

And I saw all of this get swept away the instant she dumped him.

her admission in the introductory poem and in the other paratext surrounding this album that she was manic and self-harming and really unwell, and her claim that she presents her findings to us, her fans, and claims insanity - it’s about as much of an apology as we’re ever going to get. she takes us through the emotions of the full rebound and all of her anger at never being allowed to be messy and all of us dictating her life, and then she admits that he was bad news and she’s walking away.

I can accept that apology. I can even forgive her for being unwell. I’m often unwell myself. If she was sane when she platformed a bigot I’d have to walk away too. I’m glad she seems to realize how badly she fucked up. I can’t speak for everyone (I’ve seen others in the tags say they’re disgusted with her for how she loved him, which, fair) but I feel like I can finally turn the page on last summer. Thanks, Taylor.

[constantineshots]

Hey, what is your top 10 hellblazer issue?

TOP TEN HUH.

well, i wouldn’t put them in order, nor do I remember issue numbers off the top of my head. more specifically moments. it’ll be under the read more for a long, long post. some trigger warnings for abuse.

i like the first issue for nostalgia and the way it manages to show us john constantine as a character, and somewhat to outsiders. we see him as a human . . . and then his descent into what he see him doing every day because he’s a bit silly (racists are scared of him, for example, but that doesn’t really have to do with the magical aspect of john and more of his political one). it shows us who he is without necessarily delving too deeply into the world of magic, even if it’s just a glimpse.

another that really tickles my brain is technically a couple, but the specifics of newcastle. throughout hellblazer, it’s very much up in the air what actually happened and we only know the end results, because no one talks about it. however, while it is early on in the series, we get to learn about why this affects john as much as it does, and afterwards, how most of it was just pinned on john because of course the police don’t know much about the magical world. i think my favorite aspect is how, when we see him in ravenscar, magic is more of an ‘addiction’ of his as opposed to being a tool. yet he’s in there because they think he’s “loony” as it’s put then, but that’s a separate issue. count that one in this list of ten too, i think.

okay. i know. this one’s less traumatic and technically isn’t part of the original 300 of hellblazer. but. i thought the unicorn thing was actually hilarious. though honestly, i think since the original run ( and let’s be honest, even among some of the writers for the original ), simon spurrier is up there with some of the best hellblazer authors. BUT. i thought the pretty unicorn murdering people and shit was kind of amusing. sorry. i loved it.

another one of my favorites is the one where john is,,, so there’s this lesbian couple that wants to get pregnant. and one of them decides to essentially flirt with john and try to get him to sleep with her, and of course, it turns out with john being like “you could have just asked.” and it puts into perspective a lot of the things that he deals with, the ways people treat him. the things he faces. it’s a lot to take in. and the whole thing about wanting someone to hold you so you feel less alone….

tumblr is fucking with my spacing. how cruel. sorry for the squished lines </3

but anyways, onto number seven i think. personally, i really like the one where he broke ho with kit, and it’s because of two reasons: one, because it shows kit. i love her! but what i mean is that she is a take no shit kind of girl, and while she’d already explained this, it really shows it. people have said “oh fuck you john” and yada yada and end up back in his life again (no shade, chas). kit? she said “john, if you get magic into my home, i’m OUT.” and she fucking meant it too. she got attacked (and she handled it! love that for her) and then kept that boundary. i love her for being a strong character- not physically, necessarily, but keeping her boundaries, too. and also, it shows us what john is like when he’s losing something he really cares about. he acts like a cornered animal. he shouts and tries to say shit that will hurt you (like calling kit cold) because he’s scared. while we already knew this, it’s a very big throw in your face moment about how much of a piece of shit john can be, especially because this was a long-term relationship. and then, of course, he ends up depressed and homeless and doing his best to drink away his problems.

and i know this is going to sound horrible, but the one where john is like. literally discussing how he pretty much made his father sick with a spell and a dead cat (if i recall correctly) because of all the shit that his dad did to him and how he was treated. to me, it made sense. he found a way to defend himself. magic was that outlet of his own protection, his own defense, a way to try little by little to keep himself safe. really connected to me in a way- growing up, i had an abusive parent, and i could understand why he did what he did, because i wouldn’t have done any different.

AND THERE’S THIS ONE WHERE. john makes a statement about not trusting priests because of the fact that one attempted to assault him, but there’s a story where john is going through that story, and john sees the priest again. he has a panic attack first and foremost, and i think, to me, it’s one of the very first depictions of a mental health struggle. not necessarily in hellblazer- mainly because this is a story that handles a lot of hard topics and, depending on the writer, it’s done rather well- but in comics overall. it also shows that yes, priests can be villains too and take advantage of people, and that was a rather controversial topic during that time period. hell, it’s even controversial now, and we have stories of it happening all the time.

and ten. honestly, picking these was a bit difficult because i love a lot of hellblazer, but here we are. i, personally, enjoy mike carey’s run a lot (i LOVE lucifer. so i already knew i was in for it.) the arc where we’re seeing how much john cares for his sister and that he’s literally going to hell (okay maybe this isn’t that impressive because he’s always there) to get her back. with nergal! the fucking asswipe! but it also focused a lot on tony being very religious, and gemma, and how affected everyone was. gemma wanting to be like john and john shooting her down. there’s a lot to handle- like john’s…. children… that came about from odd circumstances…. maybe i’m biased here. ANYWAYS. good fun!

but i despise. and i mean DESPISE. anything after 250. i will never touch it again. i barely got through it the first time. again. DO NOT READ. ANYTHING PAST 250.

and i hated the original justice league dark run. probably because of milligan. fucking hate that guy. but regardless. you asked for hellblazer issues. technically some of these are arcs. BUT HEY! here you are :D

[lou-iz-stat]

5 more weeks and I am starting to loose my mind a little bit haha. I am in my rewatch of episode 3 and I do have to say that I adore this episode. Once again there will be book spoilers and spoilers for the rest of season 1 as well as maybe some theorizing so be warned.

I’m excited! Let’s go!

IWTV S1 E3: Is My Very Nature That of the Devil

This episode starts with Louis and Lestat sitting at their bench in the park. ❤️

And it kind of acts as Louis trying to convince Lestat to only kill bad people. But in the book that is how Lestat actually kills so I wonder if this will come back when he finally tells his side of the story.

This episode definitely brings the comedy with Lestat quips and him just tackling that guy. 😂

Not the cat Louis!

I’ll tell you what Lestat can be such an asshole but just like the scene where he calls out the piano player at first he’s sour then he’s sweet. Yep Lestat is a sour patch kid.

I love how Daniel uses the recording from 1973 as that’s a callback to the first interview where Louis is just ragging on Lestat just like he did in the book.

The “Oddity of recollection” scene is great. I’m sure that is to come back in full force next season. I’m just excited thinking about what we are about to uncover.

When Louis realizes that Lestat didn’t kill Antoinette he looks so disappointed. Ugh I feel so bad for Louis here. 😩

And Lestat uncontrollably laughing when it’s the worst possible moment to do so is sooooooo Lestat it’s killing me…

But I just EAT UP the instant regret in Lestat’s eyes when Louis wants to fuck other people even he was the one who suggested it! He is just his own worst enemy all of the time.

When I first watch this episode I was so scared that Lestat was going to kill Jonah.

BUT WAS IT RAINING LOUIS!?

The look Louis gives Armand! “Your lingering Rashid” what sick game are they playing!!!!??? I’m going insane.

Lestat is doing the most this episode! But on second thought he always does the most lol.

“ I HEARD YOUR HEARTS DANCING!!!!!!!” It’s such an iconic scene!!!! “You watched the whole thing like some CREEPER!” The writing is everything

We have the iconic gif of Louis putting the “Colored Only, No Whites Allowed” that gif has gotten more people to watch the show than any promo amc has done.

I LOVE the scene where Louis kills that racist ass Alderman! Jake the dog gets his guts ripped out!” Some great quotes include. “Why’s your heart beating so fast?” And “ You said I’m arrogant!? Maybe I am arrogant! I’m a vampire” so goood!

It hurts just so much more after reading The Vampire Lestat when Louis tells him “It’s why you’re always gonna be alone.” 😭 Louis doesn’t know Lestat’s past yet but damn!

And finally yay it’s time for my girl Claudia!

I made it through another episode for my rewatch! If you are still reading this thank you for your support.

I’ll hopefully be back next week.

Until then 5 weeks! It’s going by fast!

[evita-shelby]

Hello 🤍

Can you do something with te reader where she was with tommy at one point but he cheated but the family finds her and her new husband ( maybe at one of the parties he hosts ? ) and they are like the most wholesome people ever together ( like felix and pepa from encanto ) and the family is like : ....shit....akward

I thought of that bcs my uncle and his wife have the cutest most playfull relationship ever , like they look like highschoolers even after 30 years ( yes they were highschool sweethearts).

Omg that's so cute.

And too keep the encanto theme, imma make the reader latam

Translations: asi es la vida: that is how life is; pendeja: dumbass(female variant); perra: bitch

Gif by @teenwolf-theoriginals

Así es la vida

He used to be your everything, you had sworn that you’d never love someone like you loved him.

But you also told him that infidelity was something you would never ever forgive.

So when he fucked Grace at Ada’s house and then discovered that his fucking family covered for him afterwards, you packed up everything and returned to Latino America.

There was nothing for you in this cold and filthy country.

No friends, no boyfriend, nothing but pain and heartbreak.

And in the three years you lived in your beautiful tropical paradise, you found a man who was a thousand times the man your former lover and Polly had been.

Felix was the warm sun to Tommy’s cold moon. He was devoted to you, kept you in a beautiful home and you had a beautiful daughter named after your late mama, Dolores.

“We don’t have to go, mi vida. I know he brought you a lot of pain and seeing him may do you more harm than good.” Felix kissed your hands after know you confided in him about the invitation Grace had sent you.

She had hated you since the two of you met. The racist pendeja had declared herself your enemy when Tommy noticed you, a Latin American immigrant, and chose you over her the first time.

Rub it in their faces how happy you are now, the bad side of you said.

Let go of this and be the bigger person, the good side of you argued.

“No, we’re going. We are going to go because I’m not the pendeja she thinks I am.” You say jumping to your feet.

But you were going, you were going to go and show them. Because if there is a time to be a happy bitch, it is now.

“I know this will sound strange, but I love when you go full perra on people.”

----

The two of you stand out like a sore thumb. Her family sneers and calls you slurs to your face, but you don’t care as you and Felix enjoy the party at their expense.

It is after Grace bursts into tears at hearing the whispers turn into laughs and finger pointing at the bride, that you realize how unhappy they are.

He doesn’t love her. Something everyone had seen today.

Something everyone noticed when Tommy looked crushed when you introduced Felix as your husband.

She hated that. She hated that everyone knew Tommy had only married her out of duty.

And now you feel terrible that your happiness hurts people you are supposed to hate.

“You seem to have found the good in goodbye, Y/N.” Tommy says as he stands there frozen in time, crushed by knowing that you are happy and he is not.

“Yes, I thought I wouldn’t , but my Felix brought me back to life and now I can’t imagine a life without him or my Lola.” You say, no longer relishing the hurt your words gave him, so you try to make things better by adding, “I hope you can be happy with Grace.”

“I hope so too.”