#not rlly a vent just a thing that's been on my mind | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cinnoasch · 4 months

Note

Is it ok if I request an Akira scenario where he's helping Y/N achieve her 'true persona'? How would he react when she achieves her persona? Or, different case scenario, how would Y/N react to Akira's "new form" when he gains HIS persona. dunno if this would work out, I've kinda forgot parts of the plot of Persona so I don't rlly remember where or when exactly this happened-

A/N: Hi anon! I'm so so sorry this took so long! I hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 2427

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Wish (Akira Kurusu x Fem!Reader)

You let out a sigh as you stare at your phone, occasionally typing some words and then deleting them a few seconds later. Tomorrow, the Phantom Thieves were going to steal Maruki’s treasure and fix reality once and for all. You were a bit nervous, but you had faith that things would turn out the way you hoped. The only thing that was bothering you however… was Akira. Besides the short conversations you had with the team during palace exploration, you hadn’t talked to him outside of that. You really wanted to, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to text or call him.

It was silly honestly. He was your boyfriend, yet here you were unable to talk to him. When you two first started dating, Akira told you that he would always be there for you, no matter what. Whether you needed to vent, talk or just wanted his company, he’d be there. Yet what about you? You hadn’t been there for him when he started the infiltration on Maruki’s palace. You had a hunch that things weren’t right from the start of the New Year, yet you couldn’t bring yourself out of that ‘perfect reality’. You wanted things to stay like that, even if he wasn’t by your side. Even if that was what you wanted the most.

Suddenly your phone rings, playing a ringtone you knew far too well. You glance at the screen seeing Akira's name and you answer hesitantly.

"Are you using our text messages as your grocery list again?" He asks.

“Wha- no, why would you ask that?”

“Well, you were taking a long time to type so I just figured you were typing your grocery list out.”

“I wasn’t typing out my grocery list for your information. Shopping’s the last thing on my mind right now.” You sigh. “Anyways, how’d you know I was typing? Were you waiting for me to text you?”

Akira chuckles, “I mean when your girlfriend suddenly cuts you off, a guy can’t help but wonder if he did something wrong.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Akira. It’s just… you know things have been hectic. We’ve been so busy lately with Maruki and everything else.”

“So busy that you can’t talk to me?”

You stay silent. He was right after all. Akira had made sure you all finished planning out a path to the treasure long before the deadline. You had plenty of time to talk to him, but you just felt guilty every time you thought about it.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” He sighs. “It’s just… I miss you;, you know? We’ve barely talked since this whole thing started. And I’m not blaming you, it’s my fault too but if there’s something wrong, I want you to tell me.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you worry. I know it’s late, but I want to talk to you… can I come over?”

“No need, I’m already heading your way. Just wait for me, okay?”

“Okay.”

You hang up and put your phone down on the couch next to you. You were glad that he called but you also felt terrible. The last thing you wanted to do was make him worry, make him feel as if he did something wrong. You hated hearing him like that. Sure, you two had your fights sometimes but this was different. Not only did you betray his trust, but you broke your own promise to him.

Akira must have been closer than you expected because a few minutes later you hear a knock on the door. You go to open it, greeting him with a smile. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He replies a bit out of breath. “You weren’t waiting long, were you?”

“Please tell me you didn’t run here.”

“I didn’t. Definitely not.”

You roll your eyes as you pull him inside and close the door behind him. “Liar. Come on in, before you catch a cold.”

Akira chuckles, “I only did what you told me to. Besides, I was going to show up uninvited, but I’m glad I called you first.”

“So that’s why you said you were already headed over… Well, thank you for calling first.” You clear your throat. “Anyways, um, sit down. Would you like some tea or hot chocolate?”

He shakes his head, “No thanks.” Then he takes a seat on the couch, patting the empty space next to him. “Come here. You don’t have to be so nervous.”

“I’m not nervous…” you mumble as you sit down next to him. “Okay maybe a little, but it’s just because we haven’t talked like this in a while. Like… a serious conversation like this.”

“Would you believe me if I told you I was nervous too?”

“No. You’re always so calm and collected. If you are, I can’t tell.”

“Then here,” Akira says, taking your hand and placing it over his heart. Even through his winter coat, you could feel his heart beating at a quick, steady pace. You glance up, meeting his gaze as he smiles softly. “Now, do you believe me?”

You nod, unable to tear your eyes away from him. Just how lucky were you to have someone like him in your life? Someone that easily washed away the doubts in your mind with a single action. Someone that was so kind to you even after how you treated him. With a simple action and a smile that melted your heart, Akira washed your guilt away. It’s hard to believe that your ‘perfect reality’ didn’t have him by your side.

“If you keep staring at me like that, we might not get any talking done at all.”

Drawn out of your thoughts, you quickly pull your hand away from Akira’s chest. “S-sorry, I was just thinking…”

“It’s okay. Still nervous?”

You shake your head. “Nope, nerves are all gone. Thank you.” With a deep breath, you start. “Well, first of all, I wanted to apologize for how I’ve been these past few weeks. I didn’t mean to cut you off like that, and my intention wasn’t to make you think you did something wrong. It’s just… I felt guilty.”

“Guilty?”

“Mhm… the truth is, I knew from the beginning that this reality was off. I’m not sure how I knew, it was just a hunch really. But, instead of telling you, I pretended to not know. It’s just seeing everyone so happy… it wouldn’t feel right taking that away. Yet in the end, I guess we all made up our minds anyway…” You look down at your hands, fiddling with the hem of your shirt. “The main thing is that I should’ve been there when you first infiltrated Maruki’s palace. And yet I wasn’t. Despite you always being there for me, I couldn’t even be there for you…”

“So you knew…”

You nod, feeling Akira’s gaze. You knew that if you looked at him, you might just end up crying. He didn’t sound mad, if anything it was more surprise and slight disappointment. To be honest, you weren’t sure why you made that choice of not telling him. Maybe it was just how you were, you always had a habit of hiding things from people, even if you didn’t mean to.

To your surprise he ruffles your hair, and you look up, seeing him smile. “I’m not upset. So don’t look so sad. I’m a bit hurt that you didn’t tell me, but it sounds like you had your reasons, right?”

“...yeah. I didn’t want to see our friends have what they wanted the most taken away from them.”

“And what did you want? You probably weren’t affected by Maruki’s reality because you didn’t have it.”

“I…” You hesitate. Would it be selfish of you to say what you wanted? He was already right here next to you. Just like you wanted originally. However, voicing your thoughts aloud was different. If you told him, what would he think?

“There’s that look again.” Akira says with a small chuckle as his gaze turns towards the ground. “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me now. Or ever, if you don’t really want to. But just know that whatever it was, it wasn’t selfish of you to think that way… I mean, all of us, me included, we have our selfish ways, don’t we? That’s why this ‘perfect reality’ came about anyways.”

It wasn't often, but very rarely you saw this type of expression on Akira. It was distant, but there was also a feeling of longing. As if he was trying to come to terms with something.

“...perfect reality…” You mumble quietly. Then your eyes widen in realization.

Tonight was the last day for Maruki to contact Akira. You felt stupid for forgetting something so important. Then you look at Akira. Did he have that same look throughout all of this? That look of loneliness? That look easily told you who else was on his mind.

"Maruki contacted you… right? To be honest it slipped my mind… even though it was something so important."

Akira nods. "Yeah, he contacted me."

"And Akechi was there too?"

He looks at you surprised. "How did you-"

"The look on your face. The last time I saw you with that expression was when he died. You two were really close, huh?"

“...yeah.” Akira sighs. “Somehow, Maruki heard of what happened to him and in order to give us another chance at being friends, this reality came to life.” Akira runs his hands through his hair. “If we don’t go through with taking back our reality… Akechi will be alive, and if we don’t… well the answer is obvious.”

You stay silent, not sure of what to say. What could you say to this?

“It’s a lot to take in, right? You’d think it’d be a simple decision after everything. But when someone’s life is being used like that…like a bargaining chip… it just feels wrong.” Akira shakes his head slightly and glances at you. “What would you do if you were me?”

There was that expression again. How were you supposed to answer him when such a sorrowful expression painted his face?

“I…” You begin hesitantly, trying to find the words to say. “I’d go through with what we started. Of course, using someone’s life like that is just wrong, but I think it’d be best if we went through with it. I think Akechi wouldn’t be able to stand knowing that we turned our backs on what we originally planned to do. If we did that… it’d just seem like his sacrifice in Shido’s palace was for nothing… at least that’s how I feel.”

Akira chuckles, “Sounds about right.” He sits up, leaning his head back to stare at the ceiling. “I thought the exact same thing.”

“You already gave Maruki your answer then… So why ask for my opinion?”

He hums in thought, a smile appearing on his face. “Because your opinion is important to me. Why do you think I was in such a rush to get here, to talk to you? During this whole thing, I’ve heard everyone’s opinions on what they thought we should do about this reality. Yet the one person whose opinion I wanted to hear the most, the person whose opinion is the most important to me, never contacted me to talk.” Akira turns to you, a soft expression on his face. “You know I’ll always be here for you right? No matter what. So don’t keep your feelings or thoughts locked inside.”

You blink a couple of times, feeling tears start to prick at your eyes again. You chuckle slightly as you look away from him. “You sure do have a way with words. Makes sense that you’re our leader…” With a sigh you face him with a smile. “I’ve made up my mind. No more keeping to myself. It wouldn't be fair to you, making you worry. I want to be someone you can rely on too.”

You couldn’t explain it but somehow, you felt different after you told Akira that. As if your soul felt stronger somehow, as if a voice in your head told you that you had changed. You weren’t exactly sure what this feeling was, but you knew that you wanted to give back to Akira after all he’s done for you.

You hear him chuckle, about to say something but you place a finger on his lips. “Nope, I know what you’re gonna say. That you already rely on me for a lot, but let me have this okay? I want to trust in this feeling that I have, that I can be stronger for you and the team. If I can’t truly confide in you, then who am I to even wish for you?”

“You… So that was your wish?”

“I-” Your face reddens in embarrassment as you take your hand away from his face and avert your gaze. You didn’t even realize what you had said.

“Oh, what happened to ‘no more keeping to myself’?” Akira teases. “C’mon, be honest now.”

Your face reddens even more as you look down at your hands, mumbling slightly. “I wished for you.”

“One more time? I couldn’t quite hear you.”

“I wished for you! There, happy?” You shout as you look at Akira. He had the widest smirk on his face. You grab the pillow next to you and smother him with it. “Wipe that grin off your face…”

“What? A guy can’t be happy that his girlfriend wished for him? You don’t have to be so embarrassed. Y’know it’s cute that you’d wish for something you already have.”

“Just please… shut up.”

He laughs and suddenly you feel his hands on yours as he lowers the pillow so he can look at you. “But seriously, I’m really happy you told me, even though you said it without realizing. You said it with such conviction, I wasn’t sure if I heard you correctly. You feel… stronger.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

“Mm, I think I can prove otherwise.”

You laugh as you look up, meeting his eyes again. “Yeah? And how can you-”

In one swift motion, Akira closes the gap between the two of you, his lips pressing onto yours. It was quick and sweet; you didn’t even have the time to react with how fast it happened.

As he leans his forehead against yours, you can hear him whisper, a bit of playfulness laced in his voice. “Believe me now?”

#p5 #p5 royal #akira kurusu x reader #persona 5 royal #persona 5 x reader #p5r #akira kurusu

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sanhwaism · 6 months

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i just read MEET UP FOR A COFFEE AND A SMILE and AAAA ITS SO GOOD !!! can i 🤭 mayhaps request san x gn!reader who feels rlly bad about their body or just has confidence/low self esteem issues and san does his best to listen whilst also reassuring his partner that they’re a beautiful person?

thank you so much 💌 i love your writing !!

한슴 (BREATHE) | C.S

pairing ⟡ bf .ᐟ choi san x gn .ᐟ reader

synopsis ⟡ feeling down because of so many insecurities, all you want is to be swallowed by a black hole and never perceived again. slowly, but surely you understand that you don't have to deal with these worries alone, but instead let your lover prove to you how worthy of love you are.

genre ⟡ established relationship, hurt/comfort, romance, a sprinkle of angst??? at the beginning, fluff!

warnings ⟡ reader is emotionally struggling; a bit of self hatred and some venting; mentions of a lost appetite and san touching body parts (arms, stomach, legs, etc); pet names; tears inducing! (idk about you but i! sobbed! writing this!)

wc ⟡ 2.8k

author's note ⟡ my first ever request :,) and it's so comforting :,) thank you so much for motivating me to write this one shot @megumisthv sobs ㅠㅠ it means the world to me knowing you love my writing <3 anyone reading this, a gentle reminder that you are not alone and are so beautiful inside and out. i love you.

"jagiyaaaaaa, i'm home!" you barely hear the familiar, comforting voice of your boyfriend coming from the hallway. in a panicked state, you try to wipe away the tears as quickly as you can and get yourself up off the floor. your legs are slightly trembling and your hearing feels muffled. you can't recall for how long you have been crying all by yourself, engulfed by the darkness and coldness of the bedroom. bedroom that you and san share, and which feels warm only when he is around, when he paints the four walls with his delightful laughter, his heavenly voice or just his pure presence, when you're safe and sound in his embrace. there are no worries, no bad thoughts or terrible, terrible inner voices that mess up with your mind.

but it can get suffocating when you're alone, it's so much more difficult to tell yourself all the heartening words he can say to you when things get rough, when you start forgetting your worth. when overthinking makes it harder for you to breathe or look at yourself.

there are moments like this evening, when you can't stop asking yourself what does he see? what could san possibly have found in you that made him fall in love and what can san still see in you that doesn't make him want to leave? you can't wrap your head around it. all you see when you look in the mirror is someone with so many imperfections that it's hard to believe you are even lovable in the first place. worthy of his love. you wish you could radiate confidence next to him, but how is that possible when you feel like your thoughts swallow you whole? making you feel so insignificant?

it breaks your heart. and it evokes such sadness and disappointment inside you. because you understand that there isn't much you can change. that you may, unrightfully so, bring san's mood down and make him feel guilty. you love him so dearly — that's why you're so afraid of losing him.

there are moments like this evening, when all you do is cry your heart out because he's not around, all curled up in a ball while tightly hugging your knees, your flushed face hidden between them. but no matter what, you don't feel better. not even after the hours that had passed by.

"waaaah, baby, baby, i saw a new shop on my way home and it has soooooo many cute things," he squeals. ''i couldn't get inside because i was rushing to see you but i spotted a plushie that looked just like byeol! ah, really, we should go there together!" you hear his excited chattering while he takes off his coat and sneakers. in the bedroom, you try your best to look like you're in a deep sleep, your tears clothed eyelashes softly touching the skin of your under eyes.

and there are moments like this evening, when you can suddenly feel yourself being pulled away from your corrupted, self destructive bubble by a gentle touch that saved you so many times before, in the past.

"y/n? aegiya? hey, hey, hey, what's the matter? honey, what's wrong? why are you crying?"

at first, san innocently thought you just fell asleep while waiting for him and he was ready to close the bedroom's door, but he missed you too much and wanted to take a look at his lover before leaving. to delicately trace the line of your cheekbone with his fingertips, to stare at the way you look so peaceful and beautiful while sleeping with hearts in his eyes. it's what he does every time, but this time something was off. you couldn't fool him, not when it comes to your truthful feelings.

in a desperate way of needing to protect you, san swiftly changes his position, from crouching besides the bed to sitting at the edge of it, leaning towards you. he is panicking internally, but he wants to help and showing you this side of him right now won't do. for how long have you been crying? for how long has his precious lover been hurting themselves?

his heart feels crushed by the way you sob his name out and hide your face in the soft pillow. "sannie... i am sorry. i am so sorry."

"shh, it's alright. i am here, baby, i've got you. whatever it is, i am here," he reassures you in a hushed tone. "don't hide from me, beautiful, look at me. please, y/n."

san's voice sounds wretched and a bit shaky, as if it's hard for him to control his emotions. a big weight is taken off his shoulders the moment you decide to turn around and gaze up at him, all teary eyed, looking so exhausted. mentally and physically exhausted. even if there is so much unspoken worry in his eyes, his unforeseen smile takes you by surprise, but warms your heart and makes you forget about everything for a split second. it's a genuine, soft and loving smile, the familiar curl of his lips whenever he's encouraging you about something.

"can i hug you, my love?"

the whispered question makes you choke up. until this exact moment, you had no idea how badly you yearned for san to wrap his hands around you, to push away all those bad thoughts for you because you can't bear doing it all by yourself anymore. so you nod your head and reach out to him, his fingers gently interlocking with yours to pull you in a tender embrace. he lets out a long sigh, one of his arms wrapping tightly around your waist whilst his other arm hugs your shoulders, offering them a small squeeze as if he's trying to comfort you. in this vulnerable position, you feel him beginning to slowly rock both of your bodies from side to side because he knows it calms you down. after a long minute, his sweet voice lights up the room.

"what happened, jagi? do you want to tell me?"

you sniffle as silently as you can, rubbing your cheek against his broad shoulder while you try to find the right words to speak up. you hear a soft ''take your time'' coming from san's lips that soothes your hazy mind, his hand finding the perfect spot to caress the top of your head.

"do you love me, sannie? like, really love me? for who i am?" you shyly ask him. it's such a stupid question, you think while wiping away with your thumb a hot tear that just rolled down your cheek.

san is taken aback by your questions, but he immediately pushes that aside, knowing it's human for everyone to have their doubtful and insecure days. he promptly answers you. "i love you for who you are to the moon and back, y/n. i love you 3000, i loved you yesterday, i love you today and will surely, definitely, more than one hundred percent love you tomorrow. aaaand the day after tomorrow, beautiful."

he lowers his head so he can leave a light kiss behind your ear and continues to whisper to you. "and so on. for the rest of my life. i love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest."

not only your body, but your dark thoughts as well seem to melt away the more san comforts you, the more he envelops you in his adoration.

you slowly rise your head and meet a pair of cat-like eyes fondly looking back at you. san softly hums as he leans in and kisses your forehead, the intimate gesture compelling you to close your eyes in content.

"i just... gosh, i hate the way i look, the way i act, i think, i speak, i hate it all," you let out what has been eating you inside. you sigh as you feel his lips turn into a pout against the skin of your forehead. "i'm sorry, i shouldn't sadden you even mo–"

"ah, how dare you apologize for such thing, aegiya?" he gently scolds you, but his frowning quickly fades away once he understands the gravity of the situation. "when i say that i love you, i mean it especially in moments like these. even if my heart hurts to see you this sad and all i want to do is keep you in there, protected from everything, i do want to witness every part of you. no matter how awful you think it is. i am not leaving, y/n. i am willing to love you through all of your ups and downs."

the wicked voice in the back of your head tells you to deny his confession, but san feels your uncertainty and slowly raises his hands, cupping your face as you feel the warmth of his palms against your cheeks. you inhale deeply, — an attempt to stop another wave of tears.

"hey. can you do something for me baby?" he quietly asks you, with hope written all over his face. the second you agree with him, your boyfriend breaks into his well known dimpled smile. "thank you. here, hold my hand as tight as you want, okay?"

you listen to him and grab his hand, san bringing yours close to his mouth and kissing the back of it affectionately. he helps you get up.

"follow me."

"where are we going?" you ask, a bit anxious and san can sense it from the way you've tightened your grip on his hand.

"don't worry, we aren't leaving the bedroom. come on, come on!" he cutely giggles, gently shaking your hand.

without any more questions, you walk behind him until both of you are facing the long mirror on the wall. you can't help but frown, visibly confused as san makes you stay in front of him, your back facing his front.

"give me a few more minutes of your time, my love. i promise it will be worth it."

you can't help but softly smile at him. "san, you know i would give you my every second for the rest of my life if needed."

he dramatically clutches his heart, shutting his eyes tight while his head falls back. "aing! wah! ouch, baby, my heart!"

his playful reaction sparked an amused chuckle out of you. your lover smiles, clearly very proud of himself for making you laugh a bit. and very proud of you for allowing yourself to feel better.

"do you have the slightest idea how brightly you radiate when you smile? when you look at me with those pretty, sparkly eyes of yours? do you have any idea how lucky i am, mm?"

you instinctively bite your lower lip, looking away from him. you yelp when you feel his fingertips all of the sudden tickling your waist. laughing, you want to protest, but his face expression softens your heart.

"don't look awaaaaay, my plan won't work if you do thaaat!" he admits, all sulky and with begging eyes.

"okay, okay," you mutter, fighting another giggle.

smiling again, san stops his tickling. instead, he comfortably lets his hands rest on your hips. "this time, can you try looking at yourself in the mirror rather than looking back at me?"

you close your eyes for a brief moment, gaining some inner strength to look at yourself without breaking down. when you open your eyes, you notice san patiently glancing at you.

"mm. ah! no, no, eyes on yourse– that's it," he lets out a breathy giggle, patting your hips. "good job."

his praising gives you more courage, even if you still find it hard to keep your eyes fixated on your face and body. "um... where do i look?"

"just listen to me and your eyes will follow naturally, okay?"

you hum, leaning onto him slightly. he notices and with a cheerful sound escaping his curled lips, hugs you from behind.

"i love your eyes. their color, their shape... those gorgeous eyes have seen so much. witnessed so many memorable moments, but also unpleasant ones that helped you grow as a person. i also love your nose. really, ah, i really love your nose, did you know that, jagi?"

san raises one hand and softly traces the line of your nose. when his finger reaches the tip of it, he gently taps it as he lets out an adorable "boop!". you close your eyes and laugh at how endearing he is.

"i also love when your nose wrinkles like that when you laugh. you're so cute," he whines. "why can't i just make you pocket sized and keep you in there? because i wouldn't be able to kiss you and cuddle with you then!" him answering his own question is a very amusing sight for you.

"ah, and your cute cheeks that i always kiss and–"

"and sometimes munch on them." you teasingly finish his sentence. he pouts again, as if he got caught.

"but they look munchable! it's not my fault!"

while you're giggling at him, san's fingers move a bit lower, to the corner of your lips. you feel your face starting to heat up.

"i love your lips. the shape of them. so mesmerizing, baby," he whispers and your eyes follow his, staring at the way his fingertip barely touches your cupid's bow. you don't move, barely breathing while he traces the shape of your mouth. "your thoughts always come out through those lips. and you always bless me with the way you talk, the way your voice sounds. and the way you pucker your lips when you lean in to share a kiss with me. how soft they feel against mine. i strongly believe they were made for me."

you become aware of how hot your cheeks have become. san notices that as well and smiles, muttering a "cute" under his breath before moving lower with his hands, making sure to lovingly caress every inch of your skin.

"your shoulders. you carried and still carry so much weight on them. and i admire you so much for that. you are such a strong person," he speaks softly and his words touch the deepest corner of your heart, making it flutter against your rib cage. to know he appreciates you for the battles you went through the same way you admire him for fighting his own struggles is very comforting.

"but my shoulders are broader, baby, so i don't mind if you throw some of that weight on them, if not all of it. your strong boyfriend can handle it!"

his fingers slowly move down your arms. "i love your arms too. the way you always wrap them around me. you make me feel so loved," san whispers, softly kissing your right shoulder. "so loved. i love when we snuggle up to each other and i get to be the little spoon."

"mhm, i know. you're always so excited about that." both of you laugh at your words. san kisses your hands one more time before going lower on your body. once they reach your stomach, he interlocks his own fingers against it, smiling to himself.

"i love your stomach, baby. so much. it always makes me so happy when you fill it with yummy food. when i bring you to the best restaurants and we sit there, enjoying each other's presence and the delicious meals we chose to eat. i know it's hard to have a good appetite sometimes, but i want you to know how proud i feel when i look at you enjoying your favorite food. the way you go nom nom nom nom nom nom," he cutely mimics. you giggle, shaking your head. "really! it warms my heart."

he takes you by surprise when he crouches down behind you and hugs your legs, clinging to them with the sweetest look on his face.

"sannie, love, wha–"

"i can't forget your legs, jagiyaaaa! those legs that i love so much. they bring you to so many places. they brought you to me," he sighs in content, hugging them a bit tighter. "the way they move whenever i make you dance with me in the living room or kitchen. ah, i'm so thankful for them."

this whole time, your eyes have been following san's hands without even realizing. with his help and gentle care, you managed to draw imaginary, precious flowers all over your body. from the corner of your eyes, to all the way down where you ground yourself. everything feels like a breath of fresh air, thanks to him. and you will probably never know how to thank him enough for everything he does for you. but as you turned around to press your lips against his in an intimate kiss, you secretly made a promise to him. that no matter how difficult the real life gets, he has the key to your heart, a heart which will always beat for him. that you will forever allow him to ease up your mind and help you breathe.

𓏲 ࣪₊♡ taglist: my loveliest @yuyusuyu

{💌ྀི} masterlist

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quakinqueer · 3 hours

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This is purely just a vent post, so do with it what you will.

Pls do not engage if all you want is to start some sort of argument, especially one in bad faith. I think we've had enough of those for a lifetime, and everything that needed to be said has been said

Rant under the cut.

Another day goes by without any sort of response, and with it another missed opportunity (stream day) to resolve things and do whats right passes. And on top of that, he apparently has a sponsored stream today?

I know, I know, contractual obligation and all that. But the thought of him coming back to socials for this obligation and then doing a full sponsored stream while still having not addressed anything or made any of the needed apologies (just the one to op rlly) leaves such a bad taste in my mouth. Am I being irrational? possibly.

I just. Truly, what is stopping him from just unblocking zayna, apologizing to her specifically for his behavior and the unwarranted backlash she received as a result of his own actions, and then continuing his break if he's not ready for more yet. What is stopping him?

There's one answer to this that honestly makes me incredibly upset just thinking about: He doesn't think he needs to. He hasn't comprehended that he was genuinely in the wrong every step of the way here. (not *every* step, but the unfortunate majority)

Surely he knows, right? Surely he's aware of where he went wrong. He's already had a couple days to reflect and examine things. Surely he's taken this time to think on the situation and his behaviour and why it may have warranted such a unanimously negative reaction, and come to face the reality of his position as a public figure and the responsibilities that come with his influence? Right? Right???

In case you couldn't tell this is just me being incredibly anxious over this whole thing, and beyond disappointed in damien for just how long it's taking him to say anything, let alone apologize to the one person who really deserves it. The longer it takes, the more I fear it will never happen. I know I'm being dramatic, I know. It's only been a few days. But the longer he lets this sit, the worse it looks for him.

I'm also aware there is the matter of his mental health to consider, which is extremely fair and an important factor, but to me doesn't necessarily excuse his lack of response (just like it never excused his initial actions, even if it explained them). Like I said, what's stopping him from making the necessary apology, then continuing his break? Really, the mental health thing for me just brings into question if he's really in the right state of mind for a sponsored stream. Like always, we'll see how it goes.

I'm genuinely praying to deities I don't even believe in that he says something. Anything. Ofcourse, an acknowledgment of guilt and a valid explanation for his behavior would be ideal, but at this point that feels like wishful thinking (pls tell me I'm being unreasonable in thinking that way, cause trust me I don't want to believe it). I mean it when I say that if he fails to ever address this the right way, my opinion of him might never recover. Let's just hope it doesn't come to that.

#smosh discourse #damien #rant #fairly emotional rant so if I sound like I'm speaking a bit rashly that's why

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pespillo · 6 months

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Hello! I hope u don't mind my questions, but regarding the Emperor's Acolyte AU, is it possible for you to elaborate further about Raine's relationship with King and his position in the Kingdom of the Red Sun? And what of Edric and Emira and their position in the moon court (i think?) I absolutely LOVE the concept and the possible exploration in the day-to-day life of the people stuck within the kingdom, INCLUDING that incredibly interesting play! How did King even find Luz's manuscript, anyway?

first of all just posted smth explaining the militia so i think thats a good point on where to start thinking abt everyone´s places in all this vv

second of all , King´s been around Raine for as long as they been turned into head of the bard coven , King always holds a certain curiosity for everyone in the castle ,but his interest turned further when he took notice of Eda´s relationship with them when he was "kidnapped" in the Owl House for a bit (if you check my #emperor acolyte au tag for a sec youll see a small fic of a scene between luz n king transcurring at that time)

Since King starts seeing the Owl Lady as a maternal figure for him (it sorta starts off as wanting to get something Luz has but really, King just needs honest affection and Eda´s doesnt feel like it has any ulterior motive) , King sorta turns Raine into a royal "advisor" bard figure but in reality he sorta rlly just wants to matchmaking them n Eda so they can form his own idea of a family ,King likes to hear their music before sleeping and they unequivocally bond over extremely similar trauma in the hands of the Emperor´s Coven, to the point it makes Raine feel extremely guilty they didnt try getting him outta it much sooner considering they are realizing this is a 9 yr old whos been treated like a dog by the worse person in the Isles not even allowed to talk to other people besides the Emperor n Kikimora, in a way this guilt drives Raine further to not leave the castle to the small rebellion that Darius n Eber been forming.

Speaking of Darius n Eber, Darius n King has a small confrontation/argument that lead to their leave, Eber at first didnt actually mind the way King was running things since it was all sorta thrilling and battle oriented , but since hes inseparable from Darius he aint gnna be ditching his buddy ya know. Darius was just trying to get information of his old mentor, because King KNOWS about the way he died because Belos told him , at least his own version of it, but the more heated Darius got at King´s avoidance of the details, he ended up saying something that made the kid snap at him like "You care more about your mentor more than Hunter, where is he now? what would your mentor think about the way you treated him up until now?" which pretty much shut down that whole conversation, parting ways.

Regarding Luz´s manuscript, it was unfinished, she wanted to join that writer´s competition just as she did in the original episode but some other adventure ended up calling up to her ,so she just sorta forgot abt it or decided it leave it for other day. When the Owl House got raided by the Emperor´s coven n everything was sent to a warehouse, King came up to that warehouse to get Owl Lady´s stuff n move it into his new castle basically , he came upon it while just looking thru Luz stuff n decided to read it through because hes nosy ( he did the same with eda´s diary before), he´s never rlly been allowed to write his own stuff even when he was taught to write and read, so he decided to take it upon himself to make it "his" novel, and subsequently his play , as a way to vent all out his feelings of the world , his feelings towards Luz and everything else, plus to make a big statement culturally for the Isles.

for Edric n Emira, they were dragged into the Moon Court for Collector´s favor , because they were essentially living around them for a good while before turning into King´s Right Hand . Odalia´s been disposed off but not killed (because Emira convinced em to Not Kill their mom as much as the twins n Amity hate her because thats already so much trauma), Alador has run off to join Darius growing group as a way to find a solution to this whole, mess.

#asks #the owl house #emperor acolyte au #long post

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buticanfixhernoreallyican · 10 months

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friendship rant under the cut

hey! if your still there, i really appreciate you for reading all of this. this is just kinda a vent about what happened between me and a close friend just a few others ago and it’s been on my mind, so i thought here is a safe place for that. no major tws just venting

to start off everything, we were messaging and joking around, so i started joking ab the bpd joke she made earlier targeted towards me (if you saw the recent posts) because the way i cope with hurtful events is by joking, which i understand can be very harmful at times. then, she got very upset at me, asking why i recently i wanted to turn everything into a fight. i replied with saying i was just joking and wasn’t upset at all. after, she responds with it saying how i found something she genuinely feels bad for as funny (side note i had to force her to apologize to me) and i don’t remember the exact details but it then escalated by her comparing me to her ex best friends and how none of them could apologize and i asked how to fix it because i genuinely didn’t know and she was just telling me to read the old messages and said something along the lines of “for someone who thinks they’re better at english than me you can’t even comprehend a single sentence” (i never claimed to be better at english than her if it matters) and i responded by saying i want to fix things and then she said “just reread it, god” and i sent an apology but i still feel hurt even though i was technically jn the wrong idk? if you read all that tysm i rlly appreciate u <3

#jas vents #for the record i have bpd and bipolar disorder so that rlly complicates stuff like this for me #i left out some major points here bc i probably forgot tjem

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dreamii-krybaby · 6 months

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Regarding the situation on MD tumblr:

You know what, I made up my mind, I think its very reasonable to think that SOME people from BOTH sides have done some fucked up shit.

I think the best course of action is to block them and/or never pay attention to it.

Jesus fucking christ it’s starting to rlly get me

I never been so angry and disgusted by some people’s actions

Like I REALLY tried to act the best way possible but holy shit this is affecting me way too much

I think I just need to process things share my personal thoughts in detail, and vent a little, but not publicly

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vyl3tpwny · 2 years

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sex in music

im not rlly interested in it rn.

(art by hierozaki)

over the past few years i've slowly started to recognize that sexual things in music are not smth i rlly want rn. i wrote a lot about it in love letters: colourless; a big part of that album was exploring sexuality and attraction. but i feel kinda grossed out about the thought of it now.

i think when i was younger the thought of it was very much a novelty of being like oh haha i can write about this in music and maybe im cool for it (see: Get Sexy, lol). but the reality is is that i dont rlly feel connected to these things.

mostly writing about this bc there were some things on twitter where people were speculating a line in antonymph to be like sexual innuendo for something. it bothers me a lot. and i do not want to be misunderstood like that at all. and it's hard to talk about especially bc ive been open about these things especially in music in the past and it feels odd to backtrack and be like "ok actually but can we not talk about those things because ive shifted a lot in my personal and private life and it just isnt something i like at all".

i think something i do want to talk about more in art is how people — like me — have been pressured in one way or another to feel connected and to assign importance to things like sexual matters in art. without going into any private or tmi details i'm definitely acespec but have been encouraged/influenced/etc; to be otherwise throughout my life to some capacity. sometimes it's small like the way sex ed is treated in american schools. sometimes it's bigger like people exposing you to that stuff when you're really young and don't have the capacity to evaluate or process these things. this leads people to feel like they actually have to put sexual concepts on a pedestal.

i'm not sure i entirely agree with the way tumblr has treated adult content on the site, it's a nuanced opinion. queerness is very much also connected to embracing these things for a lot of people and tumblr is supposed to champion queerness better than any other site (theoretically). the decision they made to fully forgo all these things feels negative. regardless, though, i've felt a lot happier here because i'm not scared of adult content suddenly showing up on my feed and making me feel gross lol. and i'm not entirely averse to these things, i don't want to make it seem like im against all adult content in my life because im not, and i'm totally ok with it sometimes. but my general state of mind is kind of repulsed this time around. i dont want anything to do with it, especially in my music right now.

i've been lucky to be at a time in my life where i can sit down and examine these parts of myself and even come to any of these recognitions. a lot of people are stuck in a cycle of momentum where they may not even be able to think about whether sex is a big deal to them or not (this is an entirely euphemistic description, but i'm sure you get the point). and as i learn about myself and who i am, i want to encourage more people to look at the same things maybe. idk.

thanks for reading.

(p.s. i initially vented about this in "fuck marry kill")

#vylop

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chronic-gastro-illness-culture · 4 months

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not anything too serious,

my symptoms always get worse with stress, and when i’m about to go somewhere and have even the slightest symptom i get stressed about it happening while i’m out which then makes it worse, cycle repeats. recently this has led me to leave/cancel plans suddenly because i feel terrible and i panic about feeling awful while out and i’m worried my friends are starting to to resent me or that they will in the future

i never know if i should add in to these or if ppl just like talking into void but i thought id give u an affirmation n say i do think is p srs n that its the reality of chronic illness

stress is the #1 factor for all digestive disorders n most other chronic illness n stressing abt having a flare up at the wrong time is a part of chronic illness n it rlly sux bc it is like a self fulfilling prophecy n ppl do see it as a moral failing on the chronically ill persons behalf bc “well why do u have to be anxious abt it itll be fine” like its some sort of switch u can just turn off n on in ur mind

also ppl r a communal species n its nice having a support group n when ur going thru chronic stress n that chronic stress makes u sick n u develop a chronic illness if ur ppl start to leave u that can makes things worse bc now ur left to deal w all that stress on ur own which compounds the problem

but just bc ur worried abt ur support system leaving doesnt mean they will some ppl can be supportive n understanding

it can rlly suck to cancel plans bc it feels like the chronic illness is robbing u of ur life n enjoyment but just bc ur having a bad moment or bad episode doesnt mean thinks will be bad forever

one thing u can do is let ur friends know u appreciate them supporting u n being understanding of what ur going thru another thing u can do it make new plans if i have to cancel smth w friends sometimes we just change what we were gonna do if im feeling too bad to go out n am worried abt needing a bathroom randomly i usually invite them over to my place n we just chill in to make it up to them if they have a movie or show theyve been wanting me to watch ill watch it w them then lol but u might find ur friends r rlly supportive n thatll be less stress for u

it also helps making friends who also deal w similar issues i have a coworker friend who has lactose intolerance n ibs one friend also has gerd n one doesnt have a diagnosed stomach disorder but he has an anxiety disorder n his digestive system definitely is effected but we can all vent to each other n understand if someone needs to cancel or change plans or needs accommodations etc etc

thnx for ur ask btw i rambled a lot hahaha but u brought up important stuff abt chronic illness imho

#anonymous #digestive disorders #chronic illness #stomach problems #irritable bowel syndrome #gastroesophageal reflux disease #food intolerance #food allergies #irritable bowel disease #stomach ulcer #crohn's disease #gastroparesis #dysphagia #delayed stomach emptying #pancreatitis #gallstones

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gessshoku · 1 year

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I’m in a bitchy mood today, depressing food for lunch today and the team my hockey team went against has this annoying freshmen.

I’m gon vent so if you don’t mind-

He’s annoying and so rude, he knocked my teammates stick out her hands, body slammed my friend a lil too hard into the floor, and hit me three times with the stick and putt. He takes the fun out of hockey for me, he doesn’t use strategy he uses strength because “big boys don’t pass the putt” which cause injuries like the bruise forming on my shin.

I dislike him greatly.

Im also annoyed because my period came today and the cramps are killing me. I noticed too late and thankfully I didn’t bleed through but it was still.. awful. I’ll ask my teacher for some tea later but rn I am dying and I just really really want to go home..

Thing is, I want a hug, but i feel a burning hatred for anyone coming up to try and hug me. And it only rlly happens when I’m annoyed, angry or during my period. Which makes sense but it’s annoying. I’ve been more comfortable wearing a mask lately because then I don’t have to try smiling so much, and I’m not sure what other reason but I feel so much more calmer with my mask on.

I hope my mom says I can buy food. I need the comfort. And unfortunately I’m going with her to work on Saturday, so I’m going to be bitchy and tired and in pain while we work. And she’s not the kind of mother to kiss my head and tell me to stay home for it.

#gess vents

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theendofuno · 5 months

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lil stamp redraw from proseka! silly goofy reindeer guy..

also 3° time i try to word this post and my mind goes SDM,BOIMCKNOLIBASDLKDANS

anyway (lil personal vent)

im on a major depressive & suicidal episode this last month, and that has been common for the last years on this end of year period but damn.

theres a bunch of nice things happening recently and i cant even be happy becuase of it becuase it just feels meaningless and annoying

ive drawing a few silly stuff for myself and im really willing to post it here but not rlly on twitter cuz everyone there is unecessarily mean sobs.. theres a page who is basically targeting uno mains to annoy the shit out of them for no reason at all so.. yikes.. i dont really mind them or mind getting hate but the stuff i do is *actually* super personal and something in my mind says this can turn into pure ableism of them so.. im not posting at all

but then i feel guilty for not posting stuff on twt but posting here so both goes days without a proper post besides me actually wantint to post

rip

#daily-uno

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moonjxsung · 5 months

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hi star my little moonlit angel 😔💖💖

aa im having like the most stressful week and idk where to talk abt it so i hope you dont mind me dumping for a sec :((

exams are killing me rn and idk if its finals week or my final week cs holy shit i am dying 😭😭

ive been pulling all nighters trying to get all my projects and group studies done and my exams are DEF not helping in my case and idk if ive even been eating properly there's probably a spoiled banana from last week in my bag somewhere atp 🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️ (im going mentally insane)

i havent even properly been on tumblr in a while and my social media is blowing up w notifs and dms from friends and ive been too busy to check it either tbh

honestly im hoping itll all turn out well by next week cs is my winter break 🤧

on another note i wanted to dump on my exes when all your anons were doing it but i was too scared to but now i genuinely need to tell u abt this because umm

my fwb is like a super nice guy and ive been friends w him for a while but i recently found out hes rlly good friends with one of my exes ⁉️

basically i asked (my ex) out once and he said yes and i thought we were chill but a few friends ended up asking him if we were dating like two days later without asking me for confirmation first and he said no.. (??)

i assumed he js didnt want like a too public relationship with everyone knowing so to clarify i asked him what was up and he said he ended up having second thoughts on me because his friends called me a red flag and he doesnt like the fact that i have guy friends and im close with them.... (💀💀)

so then i said oh okay..? 😭 and was over it but almost a month later he asked me out and atp he just gave me the icks so i made an excuse saying that i wanna focus on academics and not do anything relationship wise and he said he would wait 😭😭 (he in fact did not pick up the hint!)

then a little over month later he asked me out AGAIN and i said no i dont think i like you anymore sorry and he said oh that's fine and i thought we were chill??

a week later my messages BLEW UP one day and my guy friends were all snitching on him telling me that he's gong around slutshaming me and talking shit abt me for no reason and he said i was desperate and asked him out 3 times when he said no and he was never interested in me in the first place.. and then proceeded to sexualize my body and say weird ass shit abt it to everyone and they believed that i was a desperate whore or smth 😭

this happened a year ago but i was walking down the halls around a month ago and i saw him with his friends so i just rushed past

and his friends were like "oh isnt that the bitch who liked you?" and i heard him say "oh yeah she liked me like a year ago" and then proceeded to sexualize me while i was right fucking there but i dont even want any more drama w him so i dont bother saying anything back or leaking messages or wtv i js hope karma gets back at him 😭

and now idk if i should tell my fwb abt this?? or maybe it doesnt really concern me but it bothers me that hes hanging out with a guy like that and im conflicted on what to do

its not like i have the right to tell him who to be friends with either so 🤷‍♀️

what should i dooo

-《as always, your occasionally appearing but always stalking ☘ annonie》

(p.s. do you have any spotify song reccomendations 🥺🥺)

much lovee

Pooooookie you can always vent here ily ily :(

I’m so sorry to hear you’re stressed from exams :(( I’m rooting for you okay !! Please make sure to eat whenever you can (even if it’s something small!) and stay hydrated :( what’s the use of doing good on finals if your body gives out on you :(

No I feel u on the social media thing I get SO stressed when I have DMs or texts or whatever I just flat out don’t check them. I think I have 200 unread texts rn (it’s been around 1000 at some point) and I know im such a shitty friend but I just cannot respond to them 😭😭 I gotta put me first you guys

WINTER BREAK NEXT WEEK THOOO hang in there baby it’ll get better soon 🥺🫶🫶🫶🫶

OH MY GOD???? Pookie that’s fucking disgusting I’m so sorry you’re dealing with men like that rn???? I had a veryyyy similar situation with a guy who my friend tried to set me up with at a party who kinda liked for a little bit and then when I said I was comfortable being in a relationship he started slutshaming me to everyone under the fucking SUN and apparently he had a discord group where I was just CONSTANTLY the topic of conversation and when I heard about it I cried so hard ☹️ in my case I also had people who were friends with him and I voiced to them that it made me severely uncomfortable. Like the people in my life should know about the people who wronged me (especially if I’m sleeping with them??) and it just made me feel safer. It’s obviously up to you but I would probably tell him just so that he knows that’s someone you’re weary about and you don’t feel safe around ☹️ your safety and your wellbeing is the most important thing pookie ☹️ keep me posted if you need anything at all okay I love you lots and I’m sorry you’re going through this ☹️🫶

Song recs song recs yes here are some I’ve been listening to on repeat all week (there’s only like one kpop song in there but it’s my fav kpop song of all time so TRUST it was gonna make it to the list) I’ve been listening to Glass Animals, TV Girl and M83 on repeat for the entire year I think 😭😭

I love you endlessly okay keep you chin up better days are coming for us !! 🫶🫶🫶🫶 soon it’ll be winter break and you can just sit back and drink hot chocolate and tell me all about it and say you lived through it. Hang in there my love

#☘️ anon #ask

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