#not sure if the positive bias stems from that or if i had the idea because of the positive bias

[shinakazami1]

Been busy lately so I don’t have much time to review and edit, but here I am! (this was supposed to be sent on the anniversary.) (edit 1: It’s already (edit 2: halfway through) november.)

(edit 3: i gave up. words be damned, i’m sending this. there should have been more. curse you writing)

(edit 4: reminder. write a long ask anywhere else except the actual tumblr ask window. sending again just to make sure i didn’t hallucinate all this- it would be so, very embarassing...)

hehehehehe love your art. Crunchy. Pringles. Crushing it in my mouth. yummy colors and perspective (That bucket sexyman design looking kinda fine though.,..i mean who said that) (->absolutely normal behavior)

I love how you interact with others’ art, leaving your comments and compliments. Really appreciate that little motivation boost and positivity you spread :)

As seen from Paratober, you seem to take the prompts beyond their face value and messed around with the concepts of those prompts (gonna put Jester in a carton box hehe. Can we have Jester loafing? Loafing in a box?)

Personally I’m not a writer, so I don’t know how you guys’ brains work but I love how you come up with interesting ideas stemming from the game’s original material, expanding, digging deeper into them. I look up at you all in wonder hehe

Also, I read unheard wishes.

You see, I rarely ever seek out angst. I came in there with “this is gonna hurt but I can totally bring myself through this”

Boy was I wrong. Now, because I didn’t read it properly enough to leave a comment that would do it justice (time restraints get you like that), I won’t give a lengthy review. But just so you know, my general feelings were “who do you think you are. did you really think you had the right to hurt me like this. *inhales* aaaaaaaaaAA *cars crashing glass breaking sound effects idk* *lays motionless on the ground* (affectionate)”

Maybe i’ll read your filk wip next. Biology is fun :]

It’s your way with the images you make for your stories and art. Candlecurator? Whatever’s up with fernarrator? I’m not listing the ones in your writings. A lazy, lazy anon I am, I know. [insert another keyboard smash]

I haven’t been here for a while so i don’t really remember much, sorry ;; (-> fake fan detected?!? *vine boom*)

Your theories definitely left the strongest impressions on me. How do you all think like that?? (this goes to the rest of you, tsp theorists/analysts/meta. what are you all on??? damn. give me some.). Perhaps it’s a writer’s thing, maybe I’m just incompetent in this deep thinking kind of stuff.

My favourite was the nature connection theory. Absolutely ate that up. (definitely not because of my bias for plants and nature-related stuff, noooo-). You somehow connected the plants in the parable, creating these wonderful strings of text about what you saw in these plants, the implications, and then sharing those ideas to us. Give me your braincells, shina. Give me-

[Close your eyes.]

Anyway- I think you’re pretty neat :]

Have a nice day!

✨✨✨!!!!!307 ANON!!!✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

ᴬᵍᵃᶦⁿ since I was already writing a draft to respond to your previous ask. The fact you have this copy makes me hope you are saving these asks somewhere because I lost a lot of posts thanks to the great Tumblr editing system....

Happy (belated and too early at the same time hehe) anniversary 307 :] To your edits - PLEASE start writing drafts somewhere else oshsaoifas I don't want you to lose your versions again. You might say you are not a writer but you decide to write such beautiful comments and asks - value your words more :]

Anon. I have an exam this week so it will take my energy but DO KNOW YOU WILL GET BUCKET SEXYMEN SKETCH. I imagine you will see it in a few months but,,, I hope you will like it, just like you like my art in general.

I feel now in retrospect so silly I hadn't done this sooner!! While I sometimes don't have the energy to comment on other people's stuff in my own comments, I know how much joy being told your words could make someone happy :] And I love interacting like that!! Shared appreciation!!! That's why I adore Tumblr in general - it feels most organic in that ability to engage with others as a social media.

I'm glad you like the Paratober prompts! I am happy I mixed the prompts to try to get even more creative with them!! And feel free to put him in every box!! Some old art of Jester in a box:

(I gotta finally start uploading my old art I do have. There is so much...

FEEL FREE PLEASE TO LEAVE MORE COMMENTS EVEN A SILLY ONE BUT OUGHHH I am so proud of Unheard WIshes so thank you so much <333333 Glad you could enjoy

Just remember anon that I do not know your age and the rating for Filk is Mature so please respect the ratings :]]] Ao3 tagging system is there for a reason!! However I still keep on getting opinions that Filk seems to target 16+ demographic since it's more South Park style...But still, please respect it :]

Oh sure, you are so lazy *looks at your very detailed an amazing asks* so lazy. But WAH THIS IS LIKE??? A VERY RARE CANDLECURATOR APPRECIATION??? Like I know folks see Fernator and like him but to hear you like her means so much to me ;;;;;;

And hey - life gets busy :] The fact you wanted to come again, read my story and wrote this, rewrote even god knows how many times... I will always think fondly of you.

DUDE OUGH I need to return to theories, I have so many yet to share,,, you wanting one means a lot to me :} I worked hard on the Fernator theory post so I am glad to hear you could enjoy it! I might do a pool on what people could want hehe

[Closes my eyes and tries to close yours]

I think you are very neat, 307 anon. Thank you, for being you and I hope I will see you one day again. Every ask, I worry it's also a farewell. And then - you come back. I hope you are okay out there - I hope your life, even if so busy, gives you moments of happiness and calmness.

Have a lovely day, 307 :]

[arafinweanappreciation]

Alright, I have to ask, what makes you like the Children of Finarfin the most, when it seems to me that most people gravitate more towards the Feanorians?

This is... an excellent question. I'm not sure I really have a definite answer??? I just know that I've always gravitated very strongly towards characters who try their very best to be GOOD. Especially the ones that have to fight for it. The ones who have to constantly fight the darkness and despair in their lives to stay that way. That could be morally upright characters that maintain that stance all through their character arcs (like Obi-Wan Kenobi or Steve Rogers), ones that get beautifully written and executed redemption arcs (like Zuko in Avatar the Last Airbender) or even the ones that do their best to maintain an outward appearance of apathy or evil but are actually decent people deep down. I also connect really deeply with characters who display loyalty as a main motivation/personality trait, which Finrod definitely does, imo. And, like, I recognize that the Arafinweans have their flaws and failings just like everyone else, and so do all the other characters I mentioned above. I also know that a lot of other people connect better with more morally gray characters or villains because they feel like they're allowed to make more mistakes and be more human, but that has actually never resonated with me as strongly. And I don't know why I gravitate towards them vs, like, the Nolofinweans, who tend more towards being the classic Heroes. It's one of those things that I've been trying to figure out for a long time, but I've never come to a truly satisfactory conclusion.

[thetldrplace]

Speaking of Fools Rushing in...

So I was listening to a discussion between Benjamin Boyce and Jonathan Church on Youtube the other day. It was called Robin DiAngelo: False Prophet or Faulty Philosopher? It brought up some points that I hadn’t understood well, but that I wanted to understand. So I’ve read one of Church’s papers and have tried to follow along as best I could.

Church sees the central flaw of whiteness as reification- a logical fallacy asserting concreteness to abstract concepts. There are several varieties of this, but I’ll leave the enumeration of them alone for now.

I admit I have a hard time making any sense of what the concept of whiteness really is. There are lots of assertions about what it does, how bad it is, and how it sucks everything into itself. But for all the words, and how bad it sounds, I can’t quite wrap my mind around what it actually IS.

Whiteness is 1) a location of structural advantage, or race privilege, 2) a standpoint, a place from which white people look at themselves, others, and society, and 3) a set of cultural practices that are usually unmarked and unnamed.

Di Angelo describes whiteness as a constellation of processes and practices, rather than a discrete entity like skin color. Whiteness studies begin with the premise that racism and white privilege exist and rather than work to prove its existence, work to reveal it. But that is assuming the existence of the thing argued for, which is the definition of circular logic. 

Even with all the words I’ve read defining whiteness, I’m having a hard time what exactly it means. She says to be white is to embody the ideology of whiteness, not necessarily one’s skin color. Presumably, it isn’t necessary to be white to ascribe to whiteness. (This is something I have seen in recent attacks against Asian-Americans perpetrated by non-whites. These non-whites are said to be acting in a white-supremacist way) Which leads me to conclude she is just relabeling the dominant cultural practices as whiteness. Every culture will have dominant practices. Our culture is predominately white, so relabeling it “whiteness” doesn’t feel inaccurate in one sense, but with Whiteness studies scholars, the point is to pin all racism on a particular color- white. In another sense though, there is something amiss with the entire effort, and it all stems from the overwhelming desire to pin all evils on one group. In fact, this was the definition of racism until recently- to refuse to see individuals and instead pin group identity on them.

Now, the whole point is to classify people into identity groups. So racism needed to be redefined, and it had to be redefined as to arrive at the proper conclusion- it’s all white. Hence, whiteness. 

It took me a while to get what Church was really trying to say about whiteness being a reification. A simple example of a reification fallacy is saying something like White culture says X. Well, white culture isn’t a person that can say a specific thing, so putting words in its mouth is a logical fallacy. What, of course, is meant when someone says something like: ‘White culture says X’ is something along the lines of- white people ‘in general’ think something along the lines of X.

To arrive at this, and because white people aren’t in general saying the things we’re supposed to say in order to pin the racism on the white donkey, whiteness is defined as pervasive, underlying, implicit, subconscious bias. Maybe we aren’t saying racist stuff, but we are for sure thinking it… at least subconsciously. That is the only possible explanation for inequalities… but only when the inequality favors white people. I think Church is right to see this as a reification fallacy. The entire idea is basically putting words into the mouth, or subconscious thoughts, of the abstract idea of “whiteness”.   

One form of the fallacy of reification is called vicious abstractionism. If I’ve understood this correctly, it is to single out one feature of a thing, then strip away the positive aspects it may hold. It feels like the blame of the dominant culture for all the evils of society is guilty of this. We have our failings, just like every other society in the history of the world. Those failings have been brought to the forefront, the good is ignored, and the dominant culture, now renamed ‘whiteness’ is held accountable for all the evil, while any good that may be destroyed as that culture is expunged is considered of no consequence. 

This is a common complaint I, and probably most conservatives, have regarding the progressive desire to ‘disrupt and dismantle’ problematics they see in culture. What exactly do they want to introduce in its place? Do they understand anything about how to build a complex system? I don’t think they do, because NO ONE can. Complex systems are too complex for any one to fully grasp. Just as life evolves through small changes, and then certain mutations are selected for fitness, so does society. I can appreciate the progressives’ desire to see evils rooted out. But tearing things down in the naïve assumption that something better will arise is a fool’s errand. 

As I look at these clever, but ultimately wrong ideas, I can understand the desire to want to make things better, and the sense of urgency that causes people to want to act NOW. But Whiteness studies are a destructive response to an issue that has gotten measurably better over time. It’s the impatient impulse of fools who would rush in. I already know they’d accuse me of being the guy that would have opposed progress at every level. Fair enough, but if you’ve really got an answer to these problems, then do better than logical fallacies as explanations and childish, knee-jerk kafka-traps as a response to anyone questioning the validity of the assertions. 

[alexmitas]

Abandon Ideology

In Jordan Peterson’s second foray into self-help, he writes his VI’th rule for life: ‘Abandon Ideology.’ As an ardent follower of Jordan’s, on first reading of this, I took this rules’s implications at face value; that is, the implication that an ideology is something that is held by a group of people, but that the individual, striving for what is true and pure, should rid themselves of all ideology, in the interest of progressing new and helpful ideas to the culture at large. Recently, particularly after having watched this YouTube video by Philosophy Tube, a question which I wrestled with subtly after reading Jordan’s recent work has made its way to the forefront of my mind: Are we so sure that it is even possible to abandon ideology? and I don’t mean once you already ‘have one’, so to speak (though this is a valid question also, albeit requiring a few more prior assumptions), but rather, is it even possible for an individual to not have an ideology? (Paraphrased,) Philosophy Tube makes this point explicitly, comparing ideology to a**holes: everyone has them, they use them everyday, but nobody tends to take a good look at their own unless something has gone wrong. So who is right?

Interestingly, both philosophers consider ideology to be something that actually exists - which, to me, is by no means a foregone conclusion. Jordan assumes that it is a sort of group-think parasite that infests the mind, while Philosophy Tube believes that ideology is an inevitable function within the individual. Anecdotally, I’ve noticed that the latter tends to be a more common belief among those with left political leaning, while Jordan’s point tends to be expressed by individuals who are more popular with those with right political leaning*. As we know that political leaning seems to be a result of a temperamental difference between individuals, it could be that this is just another form of what one could theorize as the fundamental question between the extremes of such differentiations, which is the question of whether the individual is fundamentally formed through nature or nurture. I have personally arrived at the conclusion, as have others, that the answer to this question is clearly both; however, the question of whether or not ideology is fundamentally group-oriented or individual-orientated doesn’t quite fit neatly into the dimensions of this theory. This is because, in no small part, that the roles of thought in regards to ideology in this case are antithetical to the typical hypothesis presented by the theory: in this case, the left leaning individuals are the one’s more likely to believe that ideology is an innate characteristic (nature), where as the right leaning individuals are more likely to believe that ideology is a product of culture (nurture). While it may not be a perfect comparison, this is the reverse of what an individual who agrees with this line of logic would likely guess. Is there a reason for this?

Perhaps it is the more fundamental tenant of conservatism, which tends to prize its own culture’s tradition, that demands from its right-wing thinker a bias in believing that their own way of interpreting the world is the ‘correct’ way to do so, based on the interpretation of the facts of ‘objective reality,’ which is free of ideology, because that is the way it is has always been; or perhaps it is liberalism’s inclination towards progression - its greatest strength and weakness simultaneously - that forces it to be open to all possibilities, and therefore implying that there is no single way of being, there is no objective reality, because reality could be anything based on the individual’s own subjective experience, based on their own ideology, which must therefore be present in all of us; or, perhaps, (and this is in no way to imply a comprehensively exclusive list) there is the consideration which I mentioned above, which questions the existence of ideology as an objective truth altogether. 

[Aside: for sh*ts and giggles, let’s explore this last idea. So ‘ideology’, stems from the french word idéologie, where idéo- or ideo- is “idea”, and -logie or -logy is “the (scientific) study of the subject field represented by the stem.” (From Merriam-Webster.com). Also from Merriam-Webster: “Though ideology originated as a serious philosophical term, within a few decades it took on connotations of impracticality thanks to Napoleon, who used it in a derisive manner. Today, the word most often refers to ‘a systematic body of concepts,’especially those of a particular group or political party.” So according to this definition, ideology is more of a strictly philosophical or scientific term referring to the study of ideas. Well, everyone has ideas. But somehow this definition doesn’t quite seem to fit the bill. It seems as though both sides of the political spectrum seem to regard ideology as something deeper than the this definition gives it credit. It seems as though according to the political (to use a loose term to define the parameters of this debate) debate, believes that ideology is either a type of group-oriented idea that can inhabit a large swath of people, or it is the fundamental subjective framework that the individual uses to interpret the world. Of course, I doubt many serious thinkers on the right would deny that everyone needs a framework for which to use to interpret the world (Jordan Peterson certainly doesn’t). Instead, they would argue that framework is not the same as ideology, but simply a tenant of being human, as a combination of both an individual’s objective and subjective experience (and of course one could argue about whether objective experience actually exists also, but that’ll have to be another topic for another day; today we will assume that both objective and subjective experiences are real). But this also begs the question, why is it that some people can have an ideology while others can be free from it? This brings the argument illustrated nicely by Gad Saad into play; namely, that ideology is the equivalent of an idea pathogen, echoed by the complimentary position presented by Jordan’s work which contends with the idea that although not everyone need be infected by an idea parasite, everyone must have a narrative framework to operate in the world. This in and of itself, of course, asks us to contend with the question of whether or not there is even a difference between this “narrative framework” and ideology, to which we may get different answers based on the political leaning of the person whom we ask. As my inherent bias seems to lean to the right in most cases, my intuition tells me that there is a difference, that narrative framework is superordinate to ideology, but again, its difficult to assess whether or not that is my tendency towards conservatism and its respect of (let’s say the west’s) cultural background getting in the way of objectivity, sustaining that objectivity is real in the first place. But to play devil’s advocate to the side opposite to my intuition in a different way, I would say that it’s possible that the real problem is that we do not have our definitions straight: what is ideology to one may be narrative framework to another; and in this sense, I might also add that it is entirely possible that ideology itself does not exist past what may also be considered a narrative framework, since what one would call an ideology another may say they are only acting in according to their own narrative framework (or, “yes, I do have an ideology, but - of course - so do you). The obvious argument to refute this would likely refer to the nature in which an individual with an accused ideology would hold beliefs which mirror that of another individual with the same ideology, therefore rendering the ideas non-unique. And this is indeed a powerful argument. It’s also an argument which, hitherto, I never second guessed. But thinking now, of course it isn’t the case that two individuals narrative frameworks cannot be influenced by similar subjective experiences. This gets more complicated when you compound uncountable numbers of people who have “the same ideology,” and therefore expressing similar subjective experiences that derived their narrative frameworks; after all, could that many people really have had such identical experiences that they are brought to such similar beliefs independent from and “idea parasite” or ideology? Maybe not, but also, maybe the subjective experiences and narrative framework (or ideology), of the accuser has led them to a sort of confirmation bias, where one signal of similarity leads them to the expectation of uniformity; where the sight of a leaf of a certain type or color leads to certainty that that leaf must belong to a specific breed of tree, rather than perhaps a tree of only similar lineage. In this regard, with special consideration given to the possibility of miscommunication of words and their definitions, it is possible that the deeper form of “ideology” within the context of our current culture, does not even exist. It’s certainly a possibility which I will be keeping my eyes and ears on, anyways. End Aside.] 

A conclusion about who is right certainly won’t be reached in a blog post by me today. What I can conclude from this thought experiment, however, is yet another example of why your intuition - based from your temperament and experience - can lead you astray when considering complex questions. Or even seemingly non-complex issues, for that matter. The perspective that Jordan Peterson provides may very well be the correct one. But the perspective that Philosophy Tube highlights as well feels as though it could be superior. Then there is the possibility that they are both wrong - or both right (it is such a strange world we live in, after all, where paradoxes are known to exist). One thing is for certain: both of these people are much smarter than I, so, as per usual, there is much left to consider and ponder. And to gather erratically.

One day I will start to write blog posts that focus more on my reader than my inner ramblings. But for now, I still need to sort myself out, and I hear writing can be incredibly useful for that. This is ErraticWoolGathering, after all.

Best,

- Alex 

*An example of this that I can bring to mind is exemplified by Gad Saad, author of The Parasitic Mind, who similarly claims - as I understand it - that ideology is a matter of group-think, or in his words, that an ideology is no different than a type of “idea pathogen.” Now, whether Gad claims to be of right political leaning or not (as far as I know, he does not), his book and his ideas clearly seem to be more popular with the the right-wing of our culture than they are with our left-wing.      

[alexcyprinholdsmyheart]

Nothing much Changes

@megatraven I fully intended a fluff fest of MC more or less drooling over Alex and SOMEHOW I ENDED UP WITH A SAD ENDING. HOW DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN???

A/N: It’s been a hot minute since I read through Alex’s route last, which I will be correcting shortly., so forgive any issues with canon, please. Also, I don’t write, just sometimes have lots of thought all at once. Sometimes makes sense. Be gentle with me.

It has been years since she last stood here. Very little of the building’s layout had changed, it seemed. Past the rotating doors, through the main lobby, approach the security desk, step into the golden elevator. MC feels like she has stepped into her childhood, waiting for her mother’s shift to end. Depending on her mother’s work that day, MC could convince her to stop for ice-cream on the way home. Somedays, it was all her mother could do to walk MC home. Regardless, mom was always pleased with her work, satisfied most days with her efforts to connect the gods to humanity. Even as a child, MC knew that her mother’s work was important.

When that horrible day came, and her mother didn’t come home from work, even then, MC knew. Her mother’s work was important, and that couldn’t die with her. Don’t get her wrong; her heart broke that day and she spent days crying in the arms of her oldest friend. Undeniable selfish of her for sure, since Alex had grown up with in MC’s home as much as their own on Olympus. In spite of their own hurt, though, they were adamant that she wasn’t alone in her grief and could lean on them for comfort. 

Ok, now I know I’m distracting myself.

MC hadn’t seen Alex since their house warming party, back when MC was still in high school. She knew they worked at HERA, as one of the department heads, but in her never-ending quest of crush avoidance, she always restrained herself from asking too many questions. As a kid, she didn’t know any better, and Alex was too noble and decent to encourage her crush. As a teenager, she knew better than to make her interest known. That could have spelled trouble for her dear friend. Now, though . . . 

Damn, still distracting. You don’t even know if they’re working today. Focus up woman, and let’s rock this interview. Answers ready and waiting.

So, sue her, maybe her distraction stemmed from nerves at seeing her crush for the first time as a stable adult. Alex had kept contact with MC; calls, sometimes a lunch meet-up or a dinner with Josh. Once, after a particularly hard college break-up, Alex had stayed up on a late-night video call just to keep her company. Maybe she was being a tad hard on herself. There existed no part of MC’s life where Alex wasn’t a source of comfort and security. To once again stand in the halls take took her mother far too soon, maybe she wasn’t deflecting because she may see Alex again, even just to pass them by. Maybe she was—

Scratch that for later. Psychoanalysis is a private time thing. Game face on!

The elevator finally opened for the Department of Artifacts and Storage. MC breathes deep to steady herself and enters the main office area. The security personnel had given her directions to the department head’s office, but that didn’t stop MC from allowing her eyes to wonder the space before her. Neat desk rows, phones ringing, the clicking of keyboards, and agents of H.E.R.A everywhere. Sitting, standing, talking quietly into receivers or to each other. Smiles and serious faces. Focused conversations and jokes. Light laughter and a general sense of positivity.

Oh, yeah, I can work here.

The instant good feelings of the office workers and environment spoke highly of the leadership’s ability to motivate and uplift their employees. These agents wanted to be here. They were comfortable in their work space and with each other. Whoever their boss was, they were doing a fantastic job.

A wave of confidence flows through MC at the thought. She wants to work here. It seems to be a silly idea to hit her just before a job interview, but it isn’t the same as before, losing herself in memories back in the elevator. This isn’t just about following after her mother suddenly. MC believes in H.E.R.A.’s mission. She instantly sees a positive environment that would help her grow as a person. She wants this for herself.

One more deep breath, and MC sets off for the main office. Raise a hand, knock three times, wait for a response. She’s got this. She’s a good interviewee, articulate and clear. She’s practiced dozens of answers for dozens of questions. She’s done everything she could to prepare, to give herself the best chances of a successful meeting.

When a voice calls for her to enter and she steps through the doorway, she thinks, quietly and non-judgmentally. That wouldn’t be very fair to her. 

Maybe I should have asked Alex more about their job.

Yeah, nothing much has changed at H.E.R.A. Same front doors, same main lobby, same security desk, same elevator that took too long. . . same wine-dark eyes, same open face, same honest smile. MC can’t be certain if she’s frozen completely from shock or if she’s just taking Alex Cyprin in all at once. Alex, as beautiful as MC had ever known them to be, standing next to their desk, tall and so very well put together. Cool, calm, in charge. Maybe MC should have grabbed a cup of water from the fountain she spied on her way in. They’ve always had that effect on her, taking her breath away, leaving her with a pounding heart and, later as a young adult, an increasingly dry mouth.

I’m supposed to be doing something.

MC, with her mind still stuck back by the doorway, crosses the room with surprisingly steady steps. Eager, actually. After spending the entire trip from the main lobby to this private office on the edge of a dark and painful thoughts, here they were. Her constant source of comfort and stability. Her childhood friend. One of the few people she trusted with everything within her. Shakes their hand—oh gods their hand is to soft—opens her mouth to properly greets them.

WAIT NO! Alex is the department head of Artifacts and Storage! They are interviewing me for a position as their employee. They. . . are not my. . . anything. They can’t be my anything.

Reality catches up to her, slams hard and absolutely sucks. Alex Cyprin, her closest confidant as a child, would be interviewing her. Too noble and good to just hand her the job. Too professional to allow bias in their decision-making. MC’s heart sinks, even as she revises her greeting. From the moment she opened their office door, a line was drawn. They wouldn’t cross it. Too kind, too professional. She would be damned if she made them uncomfortable by toeing it from the very beginning. Maybe. . .later on. . . not likely. . .not likely. . .

Focus. Breath. This is just Alex. But it’s not.

Despite her best efforts, her thoughts were scattered. Prepared answers fading into a static. Heart still pounding away from her.

“Hi Cyprin! It’s nice to see you again.”

Too formal, too scripted, too much like goodbye.

I can do this. I want to be here. I need to be here. I can do this.

Just didn’t think I would lose a friend in the process. . .

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

hillshollow replied to your post “Please, Supergirl fandom, please. It’s been five years…can someone...”

It’s comics canon. It goes back to the 70’s at least because Kara was always ‘engineer’ to Brainy’s more theoretical scientist. The salt comes from a “feminist” show missing the opportunity to show a main female character as a STEM major. Any woman in science or engineering will tell you we NEED more representation.

I know it’s comics canon. Also comics canon: Kara being a student counselor, a television reporter, and an actress on a soap opera called Secret Hearts. 

And I also know that we need more women-and-minorities-in-STEM representation. I’m not denying that, and I apologize if my post came off as ignorant.

But, in the absence of a lead female character in STEM...Kara's surrounded by women who have a background in the sciences. Specifically, the co-lead of the show--Alex--AND Kara’s best friend Lena, who was recurring in season 2, and a regular character in season 3. Alex has a medical and bio-engineering background (as per the discussion during the Thanksgiving episode in season 1) and Lena’s...pretty much always in her lab these days, working on projects of both a medical and mechanical nature.  

In fact, I think the show does a really nice job of having a variety of occupations for the female cast/characters:

Alex Danvers - As mentioned above, some kind of medical background/bio-engineering And when she’s NOT in science Alex mode, she’s the Director of the DEO. Eliza Danvers - Bio-engineer Lena Luthor - Some kind of engineering--I think the consensus is mechanical? Also, CEO of L-Corp (And she went to MIT, right???) Kelly Olsen: Psychologist, former soldier Nia Nal: Reporter (with a degree in international relations from Georgetown...was she also a speechwriter for Cat? Can’t remember.) Alura: Judge/member of Krypton’s High Council M’gann M’orzz: Bartender, later leader of the Green Martian resistance/rebellion Lucy Lane: JAG Lawyer Sam Arias: CFO of L-Corp Cat Grant:  CEO of CatCo, media mogul, White House Press Secretary Kara Danvers: Pulitzer prize-winning reporter, contractor for the DEO. Mary McGowan: I don’t know that the show ever specifies a particular career, but she apprenticed under her late husband and thus has some knowledge of mechanical engineering. (And was she the bookkeeper for their toy company? I think I recall something like that?) Andrea Rojas: Current owner of CatCo, has...some kind of leadership position in Obsidian North. (IDK...CEO??? Not sure on that one.)  Lillian Luthor: I have no idea what her area of expertise is but she’s some kind of scientist.

So I don’t know that it’s fair to say the show has missed an opportunity completely. It would be one thing, if they decided to go a different route with Kara and said ‘no science!’ to all of the other female characters in the cast. But there are a lot of science ladies there! 

The posts that are causing my frustration don’t really concern themselves with questions of representation; they're primarily focused on the writers being bad at their job, using the fact that Kara’s not constantly showing off her science-prowess as proof, or, they claim that the writers are actively dumbing Kara down, as though pursuing a career in something other than science makes her less intelligent and isn’t as good. 

I’m gonna circle back to comics canon as a final note here; all of those careers I mentioned at the outset apply to the Kara Zor-El that died in Crisis on Infinite Earths. When Kara was rebooted in the main DC universe, she was younger, and had a slightly different backstory than Silver Age Kara. She ultimately joined the Science Guild as a way of trying to understand her mom and draw closer to her; however, she was conflicted on her Guild decision for a long time, because her other option? Was joining the Art Guild, like her dad.

And I think the fact that I see Science-Guild-Member-Kara posts often enough to make me seriously question my own recollection of the show canon, but I’ve maybe seen one angry Art-Prodigy-Kara post, really speaks to a bias within fandom spaces as to what counts as ‘real’ intelligence.

[kusunokihime]

::: DO NOT REBLOG. Anyone who does will be hardblocked :::

     [ While little attention is given to Mikoto’s feelings about the coup in canon, I headcanon her thoughts concerning it to be...complex.

     First, concerning the clan’s history:

     It’s made clear that, since the founding of Konoha, the Uchiha have been - at times slightly, at times majorly - ostracized by other parts of the village. The lingering distrust between them and the Senju - who, for as long as Konoha has existed, have maintained major power while the Uchiha have had near to none - meant that any chance of things ever completely settling were nearly nonexistent. All Hokage have either been of Senju blood, or had Senju teachings. Hashirama, Tobirama, and Tsunade belong to the clan. Hiruzen was taught by Tobirama, Minato taught by Hiruzen’s student Jiraiya, Kakashi taught by Minato, and Naruto taught by Kakashi (and fathered by Minato). The bias is...extremely evident.

     While Hashirama had every intention of bettering the relationship between the clans, his rather early demise shattered that dream...and it only got worse when Tobirama was named Nidaime. Lacking his brother’s idealism and optimism, he tried a more hands-off approach to the Uchiha: he made them the village’s police...while keeping both their district and their new station tucked away in the rear of the village: a physical reminder of how they were very much the ‘others’ when it came to the clans of Konoha. They were also barred from positions of power: they were disallowed from becoming ANBU, the most trusted and highly-skilled warriors of the Hokage seat. Nor were they allowed to hold positions within the council of elders. 

     This was all in spite of the fact that not a single Uchiha defected to follow Madara in his rebellion against Konoha and Hashirama, choosing instead to remain loyal to the village. Tobirama’s trust could still not be earned.

     Hiruzen, also tied to the Senju line as a student of Tobirama’s, was not nearly as anti-Uchiha as his teacher was...but his nevertheless slight bias was still present. Things remained mostly unchanged for the Uchiha for much of his time as Hokage...until the Kyūbi incident. When Obito attacked the birthing team assisting Kushina in delivering Naruto and unleashed Kurama, there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that an Uchiha had to have been involved. And while that was technically true, Obito acted of his own volition, and had no support or knowledge concerning his clan. They hadn’t even known he was still alive.

     At the time, most KMPF officers - rather than confront the Kyūbi directly as the shinobi did - instead tasked themselves with the evacuation of the civilians, whom they were most responsible for as the village’s police. This left near to no shinobi witnesses outside the clan that could account for their whereabouts during the attack. Even as Mikoto’s sister Manami lost her leg protecting a family from the beast, and both Mikoto and her husband Fugaku assured Hiruzen that they had nothing to do with the attack, suspicion remained...and conditions for the Uchiha got worse.

     Rights - slowly but surely - were squeezed and narrowed for them. A curfew was enacted for the entire clan, their communications outside the village were subject to search, and intelligence was kept from them. Talk began stirring within the Uchiha of a coup, and nearly the entire clan was for it from the beginning. Outliers included Manami - Mikoto’s older sister - and her son Shisui, as well as a few others (including Itachi, unspokenly)...but not nearly enough to halt the talks of rebellion.

     Itachi, having shown great promise, was the clan’s first and only ANBU officer ever fully instated. (Canon says that Shisui, too, was ANBU...but he is never shown in their garb. And given Fugaku’s later suspicion of Itachi stemming from his position as ANBU, him asking Shisui of all people - as another ANBU officer - to keep an eye on him makes no sense. Therefore, this blog sees him reach tokubetsu jōnin rank only, not ANBU). This was done purposefully by Hiruzen as a means to offer an olive branch to the clan...but Fugaku immediately used it as a weapon, demanding his son become a double agent, which he agreed to...but in truth, he was a triple agent, working for the village over the clan. 

     Fugaku, up until that point, had been negotiating on and off with the village - more so in recent months - since the attack by Obito to try and stem the backlash from the village. But every offer and compromise he brought forward was shot down.

     This was seen, at the time, as the continued prejudice against the Uchiha, and only served to stoke their fires of rebellion further the more time went on. In truth, nearly all of the extremism present in the proceedings from the attack onward came from Shimura Danzō, who - more than anyone, and at odds with Hiruzen - adopted Tobirama’s anti-Uchiha sentiments. 

     Those feelings were also coupled with greed over their eyes, having been making secret arrangements with Orochimaru to allow them to continue their research in return for any advancements deemed useful for the councilman, which would later revolve around Hashirama’s cells, and Uchiha eyes. His continued hardlining against the clan was in part due to his bias and belief they were a genuine threat...and a want to take their power for himself. By having the clan killed, he would both eliminate their threat, and receive their eyes for his own personal use. The massacre, from the beginning, was his idea, and his alone. The rest of the council - more partial to Tobirama as well, and therefore often siding with him over Hiruzen - were easily manipulated into following his lead, not knowing the true extent of his motives.

     With all of this in mind, Mikoto’s feelings therefore mostly concerned three main factors: the overall well-being of her clan; the safety of her sons; and the circumstances surrounding her friend Kushina’s death.

     For the clan, she knew that - given the unrelenting refusal from the village - if they were to have their freedom and their due respect, war was almost inevitable. If Konoha would not listen to reason and continue to treat them like second class citizens in a village they helped found, defend, and remained loyal to even when Madara himself turned his back...then they would resort to force.

     On the other hand, she had seen the effect the last war had had on her eldest son. She herself knew the horrors of war. Subjecting Itachi and Sasuke to that was something that weighed heavily on her. As much as she wanted to fight back, she didn’t want their childhoods colored by civil war if they could in any way avoid it. ANBU or not, Itachi was still a child...and Sasuke was barely enrolled in the Academy. Though she gave Fugaku her support, she also begged that he keep trying to salvage the talks for as long as possible...if only for the sake of her boys.

     But what had the most weight leaning her into war - a deeply personal feeling of betrayal and anger toward Konoha - came not by blood...but by friendship.

     Uzumaki Kushina’s death rattled Mikoto to her very core. The pair had been best friends since their Academy days, and Mikoto trusted no one else as much as she did Kushina, save her sister and - in some regards - her husband. The loss was just as keen as if she’d lost a sister, and she mourned openly for weeks. During that time, having been in the hospital often to visit her sister Manami as she recovered from her amputation, Mikoto spotted baby Naruto within the maternity ward...and she immediately knew he was Kushina’s son. He looked too much like Minato to be mistaken, and the birthdate matched perfectly. 

     But what confirmed it more than anything was the angry red chakra Mikoto could practically feel calling to her Sharingan: the chakra of the Kyūbi...the demon that had attacked their village, disfigured her sister, killed her best friend...and had changed the lives of her kin forever.

     Few had been allowed to know about Kushina’s status as a jinchūriki. Mikoto, even if not technically allowed, had been one of them. Once the secret was out, Kushina confided much in her best friend, including the Uzumaki preference for sealing the beast due to their chakra and sealing techniques.

     ...first Konoha had let someone steal the Kyūbi and thereby kill her best friend. Then they sealed the beast into her baby, and left him an orphan. 

     Mikoto wouldn’t stand for it.

     She’d gone - after leaving her boys at home - straight to Hiruzen’s office, demanding to adopt the boy. Who else was more suitable than the best friend of his mother? Jiraiya, his godfather, was nowhere to be found, and was hardly in the position to care for a newborn. Mikoto was an experienced mother, and already loved the boy like a son as the child of her closest friend. He didn’t have to grow up alone and ostracized. He had her.

     ...but the council refused.

     And she knew why.

     It was their decision that he would remain parentless, alone, and kept ignorant of his past and lineage. There was a loving, familiar family just waiting for him...and the council refused.

     It boiled her blood like few things had ever done in her nearly three decades of life. It was then that Mikoto truly realized there would be no overcoming the bias against them. There would be no justice - for them, for those like Naruto...none of it was fair.

     So, it was with the weight of her clan’s and her best friend’s son’s lives on her back that Mikoto fully aligned herself with the coup, and saw it through until the end...when her own son cut her down for the sake of a village that would throw him, too, away when the time came. Danzō, Koharu, Homura, and Hiruzen: it was them she cursed just as Itachi’s blade swung.

     ...she refused to forgive them, even in death. ]

[goodproofingwater]

Wildfire Records - Chapter Seventeen

Word count: 4809

Playlist pick:

Summer - Courteeners

I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys

press play when you see the *’s

Warnings: graphic sexual content

They sat next to each other at the kitchen counter, and she couldn’t believe how difficult it was to stop herself from touching him in some way now that she knew he liked her. She just wanted to be close to him in anyway she could.

Danny had managed to get a camping plot booked for Tuesday, meaning that Victoria and Juliet were able to get either their shifts covered or holiday booked in, much to the dislike of Cindy who thought it dreadfully unprofessional to book time off with such little notice. Juliet was now in the unique position that Cindy needed her. If Juliet followed suit with Victoria there would be no intern to do everything the two had been doing as a team before.

The tents had arrived the previous afternoon, and Andy had spoken to one of his friends who had allowed them to borrow a car for the hour journey to the campsite.

Victoria had to admit, she was excited. She had never done anything like this before and just the idea of getting out of the city with her friends and a crate full of beer calmed her. It made it even better that she didn’t have to deal with Andy’s bullshit.

*Four days later, Josh and Victoria sat in the back of the three door car, and as soon as Juliet had closed the door on the passenger seat she passed them a can of beer each. Danny had agreed to drive there as Josh agreed to drive back. The redhead immediately took her shoes off and wound down the windows, the April air filtering in through the car and even on the motorway it was calming to watch the scenery go past.

“You comfortable?” Josh asked, playing with his phone which they had connected to the Bluetooth in the car. The other rule was that while Josh got to pick the music now, Danny could on the way back. The girls would have argued about the male bias but would instead just steal the phone when they wanted a song on.

“Mhm..” she smiled, and watched as his eyes ran over her, his arm moving around her neck and pulling her closer to him. She rested her head on his shoulder for a second but couldn’t get comfortable, and so she moved back and rested her legs on his knees. “Much better.”

He grinned and took a sip of his beer before he let his hands rest on bare legs, his fingers caressing her smooth skin softly and she felt like she was on fire. She had imagined those skilled fingers on her multiple times now, and to feel his fingertips caressing her calves sent her mind straight to how they would feel snaking up and under her shorts. Those long fingers that were so skilled at playing guitar and rolling joints looked like they knew exactly how to work her, how to bend inside her body and make her see God.

The journey went by faster than they had expected, and faster than Josh had liked considering he had an excuse to touch Victoria without it being too obvious, and they had soon set up their tents in a secluded area within the woods. They had specifically gone for somewhere that already had a fire pit set up, not wanting to accidentally set anything alight.

Danny stood admiring their handiwork and realised just how different camping here was to camping at home. To start with, camping with Josh in California had consisted of them picking up their tent and driving to the middle of nowhere. They hadn’t gone to a campsite or paid a pitching fee, they had just gone and slept wherever looked safe and comfortable. It had been one of the many reasons it felt so freeing to do it. They would always surf early in the morning, throw their boards and camping gear in the back and drive until they felt like stopping. The trips had become sort of therapeutic for the both of them, with josh escaping his mom and a messy break up and Danny running from anything that would stop him playing and recording music.

This was different. They had still come here to escape, but it was more like a holiday than a piece of freedom. Still, he was happy to be here with his best friend, his girlfriend and her best friend, and although he wouldn’t admit it, it was nice to get away from Andy’s drama.

While the boys pitched the tents, the girls got the things from the back of the car and then moved them into the tents that had been set up facing each other across the fire pit. The grin on Danny’s face told Victoria that both him and Juliet knew exactly what they were doing, that they had had conversations about how both she felt about Josh and she couldn’t tell if it was disheartening or comforting that they were trying to play matchmaker.

“Do you know how to start a fire?” Juliet spoke to Josh, and he chuckled a little, throwing firelighters into the fire pit as Danny threw down dry wood that they hadn’t even noticed that he had been collecting.

“Girl please,” Josh spoke, putting on an even sassier American tone and watching as Danny layered up the wood. Juliet moved to sit next to her friend on one of the two person benches that was already set up around the fire pit, grinning as she passed her another can of beer.

“Is it sexist if we let the men do all the work?” Juliet grinned and Victoria chuckled, shaking her head as she sipped her beer,

“Absolutely not..” she tapped her can to Juliet’s in a cheers and watched Josh as he lit a fire starter and through it into the pit, the flame starting slowly but eventually spreading to engulf the dry wood that Danny had placed there.

“Did you guys bring food?” Victoria called, and Danny moved to their tent, pulling out a cool box.

“We’re gonna eat like Josh and I used to as well because the only thing I know how to cook on an open fire is burgers and hot dogs.” He opened the cool box to show them, “there’s eggs and bread for breakfast too”

“I’m still sure that one time I made the perfect scrambled eggs on a camp fire wasn’t a flook” Josh grinned, sitting down on one of the other benches and cracking open a can he had just pulled from the same cool box.

“Sure,” Danny rolled his eyes, “I will be your chef this evening ladies… unless you would like food poisoning in which case Josh would be more than happy to help”

“Hey, it happened one time” he sighed, drinking more of his beer and throwing one to Danny who cracked open what was his first drink of the evening.

“Yeah well that’s one time too many, Josh!” Danny grinned, getting a pan from a bag and sipping his beer as he set up the little stand it went on. It was amazing that they knew exactly what they had needed. If Victoria was left by herself to plan this they would have been eating beans out of a can.

Before long, Danny had cooked up burgers and hot dogs and the day was bleeding away from them. The feeling of fresh air through the trees was more wonderful than Victoria could have imagined, the breeze running through their camp not as biting as they had expected. Still they sat on blankets around the fire as they ate and drank, and the sun set on the horizon turning the sky a starling shade of purple.

“Woah…” Victoria spoke, eyes following the orange, pink then purple gradient which stemmed from the West, and Danny smiled as he saw Josh staring at the redhead with a look he imagined he had when he looked at Juliet.

“Yeah it’s a beautiful night for it, thanks babe,” Juliet smiled and kissed Danny on the cheek as she toasted a marshmallow, sitting on the bench instead of the floor so they could wrap the blanket around them.

Victoria let her eyes take in the colours for a little longer before they met Josh’s, and he didn’t even pretend like he hadn’t been watching her. The small smile that met his features as he looked at her made her heart skip a beat, and while she was nervous to spend a night in a tent alone with him she was also excited to wake up in his arms again.

“You okay?” She spoke and he nodded, biting his lip as his eyes ran over her features.

“Yeah are you? Wanna sit on the bench too?” He snapped out of his haze and they moved to sit on the adjacent bench, Josh moving to wrap the blankets around them and pulling her close by her waist, kissing her head as they cuddled up.

Danny grabbed his phone and hit shuffle on the playlist he had set up for the trip, and as Something by The Beatles tinkled through the breeze, the evening grew dark and soon there were only embers and smoke.

“We’re gonna head in..” Danny spoke, patting Juliet’s knee and standing up, offering her a hand so she could do the same.

“You kids behave now alright?” He grinned, and Josh gave him a look that said ‘shut-the-fuck-up-don’t-ruin-it’ before smiling when Juliet looked over.

“Don’t we always..” Victoria grinned, biting her lip as she sat up to wink at her best friend. Although she had this confident facade, she was terrified. Terrified and nervous and half wanting to crawl in between Juliet and Danny so that she didn’t fuck up her friendship with Josh. But she wouldn’t. For every part scared she was, she was two times excited. Filled with a mixture of apprehension and need for him.

They watched as they climbed into the tent, zipping it up and they couldn’t help but chuckle at the cheeky look on Danny’s face. They sat there for a moment after Danny’s music cut out before Josh queued his up, quieter now there was only two of them, and they sat by he crackle of the fire curled up on the bench.

“It’s been such a nice day..” he spoke first, and she bit her lip as she turned to look at him. *

“Yeah, it has..” she nodded, biting her lip as her eyes ran over his features, his gorgeous eyes and lips and jawline that beckoned her closer with every movement.

Her stomach filled with butterflies as they sat so close, and she gulped as he moved even closer, his nose running along her own. The tension was so delicious that she could feel her lips tingling, and he moved a hand to her face.

“God…” he started, shaking his head in awe, “You’re so damn beautiful..” he smiled, the dying fire illuminating her face in orange, her blue eyes standing out more against her red hair and he felt his heart skip as she smiled and looked down.

“Thank you..” she bit her lip, looking up into his eyes as her heart raced, “I think you’re pretty beautiful too..” she gulped pulling the blanket tighter around them and he couldn’t help the cute smile which washed over his features before he was concerned.

“You cold?” He whispered, moving back to let his eyes dance from her eyes to her lips, his thumb moving along her bottom lip as he bit his own.

“A little…” she spoke, kissing the tip of his thumb and moving closer to him.

“Maybe we should uh.. maybe we should get in the tent and cuddle up?” His tone was so innocent, that she would have believed he genuinely meant spooning as they had done before if he didn’t bite his lip. She couldn’t help but do the same and was about to answer when he spoke again

“Babe you gotta stop biting your lip like that..” he almost moaned the words, and moved to close the gap between them. She sighed against his mouth, the feeling of their kiss something still so new and so incredible. Lips danced in unison for a moment before he pulled away, his teeth catching her bottom lip.

She whimpered almost inaudiabley as his teeth held her there for a moment, and she felt herself dampen at the feeling. God he was already turning her on so much and he hadn’t even touched her yet. As much as she wanted to wait, to take things slowly with this beautiful man, she was sure that there was no way she would be able to resist him.

“Why?” She questioned, “do you wanna do it?” She smirked, unintentionally biting her lip once more and his eyes grew darker, his voice lower as the lust ran through his veins.

“Trust me baby, I wanna use my mouth for more than just biting your lip…” his words almost floored her, and she let out a lust filled exhale. She had never heard him speak like that before. He had always been this shy and respectful man who wanted to protect her, so to hear him talk so candidly about what he wanted to do to her drove her crazy.

“Fucking hell J..” she spoke breathlessly, and he was worried he had taken it too far until she moved to straddle his hips as she had done on the couch, kissing him with so much passion he couldn’t help but moan into her mouth. He held her close, wrapping his arms around her waist and pressing her body against his own. She pulled away only to dip her tongue against his own, moaning against his lips as she felt how hard the conversation had made him, and she knew she was in trouble. There was nothing to stop them now, no one would interrupt them out here and although she wanted to take it slow she had wanted this for so long that she had no self control.

She moved a hand between them to press on his hard shaft through his jeans, and he pulled away with lust filled eyes.

“You’re so hard for me..” she whispered into the space between them, and he nodded, ducking his head to kiss gently at her neck, her fingers in his hair and against his crotch driving him to need her more and more. When she palmed him he let his teeth graze up her neck, and he nipped softly at her ear lobe before he whispered,

“I’ve been thinking about getting you alone all day…about kissing you like we did that night…” he whispered, “and I’ve been thinking about you straddling me like this since that day in the record store” Her breath hitched in her throat as bit down gently on her neck, tongue swiping across it before he kissed her jaw and whispered. “Let me treat you right baby…”

He waited for her nod before hands moved to grip her thighs and he stood up, moving quickly toward the tent and setting her down only to open the zip.

God what the fuck was happening? Victoria could feel herself shaking, the evening air suddenly thick with lust and she took his hand as he held it out for her to ensure she didn’t trip over the bottom of the tent. Inside they had laid out their sleeping bags next to each other, and she looked at him with nervous eyes as he moved to open them both up to use one for a bottom blanket and another for the top. The time it took gave her time to become more and more nervous, and by the time he was finished she was second guessing everything. If she did this would he think she was a whore? Did he already think she was a whore because she had touched him outside? What were the others going to think if they found out?

She liked Josh, like- really liked him- but what if sleeping with him now made him think less of her?

Josh did everything he could to busy his hands, flattening out the sheets and trying to make it as comfortable as possible. He wanted to ask her how she wanted to do this, if he should even worry about the bottom sheet because if she was riding him he wouldn’t give a fuck what he was laying on. But it seemed too tacky, too much. He respected and liked this woman more than he had liked anyone before, and the last thing he wanted was to ruin it. What if he was awful? What if he had built this up too much in his head and he finished too soon?

He bit his lip as he sat down on the sheets, beckoning her over and swallowing thickly as she shuffled over to him on her knees, laughing as it felt so awkward and he couldn’t help but do the same. It was clear that they were both nervous, so laughing made them both feel better. She smiled, resting her forehead against his own as she straddled his body again, both hands taking his face and kissing him softly, “I..” she whispered, the tension between them so much, “p-please don’t think that I’m a slut..” she whispered, and he pulled back suddenly, his eyebrows furrowing as he looked into her eyes.

“V, I would never think that…” a hand moved to caress her face, “you’re the best person I know and I’ve liked you since I met you, it doesn’t matter to me that Andy got there first.”

She looked down, biting her lip and he moved a finger beneath her chin as he had done so many times before, except this time his lips were dangerously close to her own, “let me help you forget about all that..” he spoke, moving to press his lips to hers once softly before his tongue ran along her bottom lip, his hand moving to the back of her head as their tongues flirted with each other so deliciously when she gave in to her lust.

Slowly he flipped her over, laying her on the soft inside of her sleeping bag and moving to place soft kisses against her jaw, down her neck and to her collar bone, “you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met..” he whispered against her skin before he sat back on his ankles to push her dress up.

“God you’re perfect Josh…” she whispered, and his eyes met hers hungrily before he dipped to place soft kisses along the inside of her thigh, her back arching to help him pull her dress from her body.

He sat back for a moment to take her in, the matching black lace bra and panties causing him to harden further, and she blushed as his eyes washed over her. She could feel how damp her panties were already and wondered if he could tell in the soft glow of the fire from outside, and as if to answer her he reached up and turned on the lamp they had attached to the roof of the tent.

“Fuck..” he breathed as he saw her fully illuminated, laying in such a hazy light glancing up at him with those eyes that he had so often looked into and wondered if they knew how deeply they affected him. His pause and his eyes drinking her in made her more confident, and she smirked before she sat up to pull him on top of her, kissing him passionately before pulling his shirt over his head.

“You know Danny and Juliet are gonna tease us about this forever?” She muttered against his lips and he nodded, sitting up only to undo and pull off his belt.

“Oh yeah..” he spoke, looking down at her with a quiet confidence, eyes dark with lust and he pulled down his jeans. “especially with how much I’m gonna make you moan..”

Her eyes widened at his words and his tented pants, the denim having restricted her view and she was nervous and excited at what it had revealed in being shed.

“Josh you are so fucking hot..” she spoke, biting her lip and her lips met his in a hungry kiss as she pushed the denim and his Armani boxers further down his body, confidence and lust completely overtaking the nerves that had run through her. Her hands shook as she moved to kiss his neck softly, the scent of his aftershave and tobacco that had been so comforting to her washing over her in a new wave.

After her concern, the blonde had expected to take control and so it was all the more sexy as she lay him bare. He let his eyes flutter closed for a moment as her lips caressed his neck, and he wondered if this was all a dream, if he would wake up in his bed in a moment and have to pretend he didn’t know what it felt like to have her hand grip him through layers of clothing.

He discarded his jeans and boxers and turned to see her eyes taking in his member and she bit her lip and moved to grip it at the base. A groan fell from his lips and he let his tongue run along her bottom lip, dipping into her mouth in a kiss so sexual it was foreplay in itself.

He had to admit her reaction to his size made him a little smug, the fact that her eyes had widened meaning that he was bigger than Andy. Of course he knew that he would be able to make her feel good, it was rare that he didn’t make the girl he was with cum, but he had been worried about Andy’s sexual history making him so skilled that she would be bored with him. Josh was by no means inexperienced, but he knew Andy’s number was easily up there in the 50s as opposed to Josh’s 6 or 7.

Her hand moving up and down his shaft softly was enough, and he crawled up her body once more, pushing her down and pulling her thigh to rest around him. He looked into cerulean hues as he ran his shaft along her soaking clit, and his eyes closed momentarily as he felt just how wet she was for him. He usually would have wanted more foreplay, would have wanted to have tasted her and have her legs shaking before slipping into her, but the anticipation was too much. He had been thinking about this almost every night before he went to sleep and he was desperate to make her cum around him, to hear her voice whimper his name.

“You ready?” He whispered against her lips, his member gliding against her clit, delicious moans falling from her lips turning him on even more as precum leaked from the top of his shaft, “do we need a condom?”

She shook her head and kissed him passionately, moving her hips to grind against him, “p-please Josh…” she had become so accustomed to Andys kink of her begging that the words fell from her lips before she could stop them, and he looked into her eyes for only a moment before he watched as he guided the head of his shaft to press inside of her.

“Fuck..” she whispered against his lips, and he let out a moan as he smiled against her.

“God V you’re so tight..” he moaned against her lips and she hitched her legs around his waist, lips parted as he moved inside of her slowly. He was much bigger than Andy and much more gentle in his approach, and she was glad for being so wet or she’s sure it would have hurt. She adjusted her hips as he bottomed out, and he filled her up so deliciously that she knew she was ruined for other men. He fit perfectly inside of her and his soft touches on her face, his gentle kisses lulled her into a state of comfort and unadulterated pleasure that she could never have achieved with anyone she slept with before.

“Fuck me Josh..” she whispered against his lips and he smirked, beginning to slowly move his full length out and back into her and his jaw fell slack at the combination of how good she felt and the sound of her moaning his name.

“Oh baby…” she moaned, pulling him closer to kiss her passionately, spreading her legs wider for him as he moved faster. He was so deep inside her that she felt like she could feel him in her stomach, and she watched the space between them as he fucked her so well.

“MmV you feel fucking perfect,” he moaned, lips moving hastily over her neck as he sped up even more, “gonna make you cum on my cock..”

He was much more vocal than she had expected and she loved it. His words turned her on further, and she ran her fingers through his hair, nails digging into his back as he picked up the pace even more. Her moans got louder and louder, and she forgot that they were in such close proximity to their friends, forgot that there was anything in the world but him and the way he was making her feel.

“Oh fuck J, you’re so fucking good..” she moaned and he almost growled as his teeth grazed along her neck. He sat back on his ankles and held her thighs open, holding them up and watching as her breasts bounced as he fucked her harder and faster. Her hand moved to rest on his toned stomach, feeling muscles pulse and contract as he pressed into her so perfectly. The new position drove her wild, her elevated hips allowing the head of his shaft to rub perfectly against her spot as if he knew her body already.

“Mmcum for me baby..” he whispered, his thumb moving to dip into her mouth and then press against her already soaked clit. He rolled the small bundle of nerves to meet his thrusts, letting out a loud groan as she almost screamed his name, her hand clawing at the blankets, pulling them away from the bottom of the tent and around her naked form.

“Fuck J— J I..” she couldn’t speak, couldn’t believe how quickly and perfectly he had bought her to the edge and she flew over it without warning, her back arching and her walls gripping down on his shaft as she came hard for him. He moved to catch her orgasm his mouth, kissing her fiercely as she gripped his back and it only took a few more thrusts before he came hard inside of her.

Panting and sweaty, he rested his forehead on hers and continued to move sloppily inside her as her body jolted, and she moaned with a giggle as he kissed from her neck to her nipple and back again. They lay there in silence and as one for a moment, heavily breathing and smiling as they caught their breath and kissed softly.

He moved from her reluctantly, allowing her to clean herself up as he lay watching her, every move she made somehow so attractive to him. She pulled the on her panties and he frowned, eliciting a small laugh from her.

“You want me to stay totally naked?” She smiled, and he mirrored it, nodding slightly,

“Just makes it harder for me to slip inside you in the morning if you’ve got panties on…” the way he bit down on his lip and pulled her close made her consider that he was actually serious, and she loved morning sex so much that she rolled her eyes and slipped her panties back off.

Pulling the blankets over them, Victoria lay facing the blonde with a satisfied smile on her face. “That was great…” she bit her lip, “so, so great..” she entwined her legs with his own and moved to kiss him passionately,

“Mmyeah it was.. you’re fucking perfect, V” He ran his fingers up and down her side softly, goosebumps forming on her skin as their tongues danced once more. She had been so nervous, had wanted this for so long that she could help but crave more, and before long she was straddling him and riding him out, his hands gripping her waist and her breasts as she saw God.

After round two and then three she eventually felt too exhausted to go again, and she was glad that he lazily wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close to spoon her as they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

[cherryeoo]

The End chapter 2: New Beginning...?

Summary:  Rei Jang had hit rock bottom. She had nothing else to live for. She had lost everything and everyone that ever mattered to her. But at the end of it all she found a reason to live. Her very own guardian angel. But not everything was gonna be sunshine and roses.

   "Will you just sit still and not fight me on this?!" Tae Won plead, frustration seeping into his voice.

   "Look, I am more than capable of feeding myself,” Rei Jang snapped back as she snatched the spoon out of his hand.

   Straightening up, she comfortably positioned the spoon in her right hand before carefully pushing it into the bowl of rice; determined to prove him wrong. Sticking her tongue out slightly, she slowly lifted the spoon in an upwards motion - the action causing the bowl to tip over. Grains spilled out onto the tray; rice that once coated the spoon flung onto Tae Won's lap.

   Tossing the utensil down, she grunted loudly as Tae Won quietly cursed under his breath. Rising to his feet, he began brushing his hands over his clothes; small white specks falling onto the floor. Looking down, his eyes fell upon Rei. He felt as rage began coursing through his veins causing his cheeks to turn red; mind already set on demanding her to let him feed her. He quickly stopped in his tracks, however, when he noticed her demeanor.

   Head bent down, her pretty face was hidden by her long black hair. Despite the warmth radiating into the room, her small, gown-clad frame trembled in the oversized hospital bed. Tae Won bit his lip slightly; occasional sniffles sounding from the somber haired female.

   Sighing heavily, Tae Won relaxed his shoulders before sitting back down. He hated to see her cry. Even though he had just met her, this girl had a very strong effect on him. He couldn't stand to see her in pain or unhappy - whether it be slight or major. Come to think of it, Tae Won had never even seen her smile, but he did take note of the times her face occasionally lit up whenever he would attempt to make her feel better.

   He had no idea what this girl had faced in her past, but he could tell she was broken. This wasn't his first encounter with someone like her; he knew he couldn't fix her, only she could. There was something about her, however, that made him want to try. Usually, he'd step aside, but this time he wanted to help someone - and that ‘someone’ just so happened to be Rei Jang.

   Reaching over, Tae Won picked up the rice bowl - momentarily disposing the spilled grains into a spare napkin. Clearing his throat, the corners of his mouth twisted upwards as he dipped the spoon back into the bowl. Extending his hand out, he gently pressed the utensil to her lips, “Let's try this again, shall we?”

   Slowly, she lifted her head, eyes locking on his hand that held out the silver spoon. Rei really did test his patience, but it was never meant to anger him. No one had ever cared about her like Tae Won, so she wasn't sure how to react. This type of treatment - the way he smiled and worried - was all new to her. It was obvious when he began feeling frustrated, but he never acted out on his anger, nor did he let it show. He would just smile at her and let her do things her way.

   Despite Tae Won’s genuine patience, Rei continued to fear that he was only treating her kindly because he felt bad for her. In her mind, she believed that he viewed her as a weak and fragile being. Eventually, Tae Won came to realize this and made it a sort of mission to provide Rei with clarity and reassurance, but it wasn't easy convincing her.

   Despite wanting to invest all of her trust within him, she couldn't bring herself to do so - not yet. Sure, she could tell he was genuine and really wanted to help her, but it was difficult for her to open up with someone. Always had been and she feared it would always be like that.

   Nodding, she reached her hand out and gently took the spoon from his hand. He smiled at her and placed his hand that once held the spoon around the bowl, ensuring its security. Carefully, she buried the spoon once more into the bowl of rice.

Rei gnawed on her lower lip as she raised the spoon with a semi-shaky hand; swallowing hard

in anticipation, hoping to avoid the previous disaster.

   Slowly raising the spoon upwards, Rei successfully managed to scoop a decent-sized spoonful of rice. Pleased with herself, she brought the food to her mouth, carefully putting the spoon inside. Savoring the taste and texture of the rice, she slowly chewed each grain before swallowing. Peering up, she noticed Tae Won smiling down upon her; pleased with her accomplishment. His gaze caused her face to heat up; her head quickly craning downwards, so her line of vision met the rice bowl rather than his eyes.

   His smile always made her heart flutter - and he only ever smiled for her.

   It had been almost two weeks since that night. She was unconscious the first four days then spent the rest of her time regaining her strength. It wasn't until recently that she had been able to eat solid foods - let alone feed herself. This caused her to feel so helpless and terrible towards Tae Won who had to care for the 27 year-old like she was a toddler. He even brought her some of his clothes for her to wear so she would feel more comfortable and wouldn't have to continue wearing that ugly hospital gown. Of course they were way too big for her, but she welcomed the feel of the cotton on her skin; the warmth of the plaid fleece pants and the scent - his scent - that wafted off the material with each movement.

   They made her feel alive, a feeling she hadn't felt in over a year.

   She was a lot worse off than she realized. The doctor told her she was malnourished resulting in her being extremely underweight for someone her height and age. For the first week, she was fed through a tube and was forbidden to move around a lot. She had to have help showering and using the restroom - acts that were so humiliating. They had put her left arm in a sling so she wouldn't be able to use it as to not open her wound.

   Even though she was able to feed herself, she knew it would take her hours to continue on like this, and she personally didn't want to eat cold food. So, she swallowed her pride and gently slid the spoon back to Tae Won. Shocked, he looked down at the spoon and up to her.

   “Are you going to let me take care of you now?”

   Not making eye contact with him, she nodded. The two remained silent as she allowed Tae Won to finish feeding her and once she was done, gently wipe her mouth and take the tray of food to the nearby dresser so the nurse could dispose of it later. Rei Jang leaned back, relishing the feeling of having a full stomach as Tae Won returned to his place in the recliner. She couldn't understand how he managed to sit, and even sleep, in that chair for almost two weeks - never once complaining about being uncomfortable.

   To be honest, she still didn't understand why he was doing all of this for her. He didn't owe her anything, he wasn't indebted to her. If anything she was indebted to him for saving her life.

   Turning her head, she admired the window-framed sunset; kneading the quilted blanket in between her fingers.

Tae Won followed her gaze and watched the setting ball of fire with her.

   He'd like to do this with her for real one day. Just the two of them, nestled on a blanket with her in his arms. She'd lean back against him and he'd hold her tighter as the two of them watch the sun sink below the horizon. As night fell over them, the two would sit there, gazing up at the sky as they admired all of the stars that filled the sky.

   Just as the sun disappeared out of sight, a nurse walked in to do her nightly check on Rei Jang; snapping Tae Won out of his thoughts. Why was he even thinking these things? He just met this girl, let alone knew nothing about her other than her name. There's no way he could have feelings for her.

   Right?

   Little did he know, Rei Jang had also been asking herself the same exact question for a couple of days now. However, neither one of them would admit the truth to themselves.

   Tae Won shook the thought from his mind as he straightened up and closely watched the nurse check on her. He never trusted the medical staff from the moment he brought her here. Then again, his bias could've stemmed from the preventable death of his parents. Doctors had performed a few tests on them, prescribed them some medication, and sent them on their way. Little did the doctor realize they both had a fatal case of pneumonia which resulted in both of his parents’ untimely deaths. He had to bury his mother and father all due to the medical staff being “too busy” with supposed sicklier patients.

   Tae Won was advised to file a lawsuit, but he decided against it. It wasn't money or any other sort of compensation he desired;  he just wanted his parents back, but they'd never return. Their deaths were something he'd never accept.

   After taking a few notes, the nurse smiled at the frail female before hanging the chart at the end of her bed.

   “You seem to be making a faster recovery than we anticipated. You've got a strong will and it must also be thanks to this young man. You'll get to go home before you know it.”

   Both Rei Jang and Tae Won cringed at the “strong will” remark. There's just some things people like Rei were tired of hearing, and that was one of them. She didn't exactly have a strong will to live. If she had, she never would've ended up here. At the same time, she never would've met Tae Won, either.

   Fate wasn't something she believed in, but this incident made her question everything she had ever believed.

   There was just one issue: She didn't have a place to go home to. What little belongings she had she placed in a nearby storage unit that she paid a couple months in advance for until the time came when the storage unit’s owner would contact her aunt she wasn't even close to, like she instructed him to do, to come collect her belongings and do with them what she wished. Rei even went as far as informing her landlady that she would be leaving at the end of this month; returning the apartment key.

   Although he had never asked, Tae Won had wondered if she was homeless.

   Does she have a home to go to? Does she really not have a friend or relative to go to in time of need? Surely she must have a place to go. Then again, she did try to end her life, so she might've given that all up. After all, she didn't think she'd still be alive.

   These thoughts swarmed in his head like angry bees attacking his brain. Sighing, he slouched down in the recliner; his stomach dropping.  If it hadn't been for him, her plan would have succeeded. Momentarily he squeezed his eyes shut; forcing the horrible idea of her not breathing out of his mind.

   Tae Won watched as the nurse left, leaving the two alone in deafening silence. Swallowing hard, Tae Won, avoiding all eye contact, softly asked, “Once you're out of here, do you have somewhere to stay?”

   Rei Jang stiffened. She didn't think he would ever ask her that and to be honest, she wasn't sure whether to lie or tell him the truth. After a moment, she cleared her throat - deciding it'd be best to tell him the truth.

   Shaking her head, she softly answered him, “No, I don't. I gave up my apartment just before --- that night. And what little belongings I have are in a storage unit nearby my old apartment.”

   “So where will you go when you’re discharged?” Tae Won asked, frowning slightly.

   His mind began running a mile a minute. There was no way he was going to let her end up on the streets; she's gone through enough, but what could he do? His friends were busy with their own lives and his family, well, he has none.

   Contemplating for a moment, he nodded his head; knowing there was only one option.

   He already knew how she would react and what she would say, but he wasn't going to take no for an answer. He swore he would take care of her no matter what the moment she agreed to him announcing himself as her guardian.

   Clearing his throat, he looked the dark haired female in the eyes before stating, “I have an idea. I have an extra room in my apartment. It's small, but homey and surprisingly spacious. Lots of privacy, too.”

   Anxiously, he shifted in his seat as he continued, “I know we're still strangers, but I promise you I'm harmless and would continue to take care of you and provide for you like a guardian does. When you're healed and ready, I can help you look for work and after awhile, if you'd like, a place of your own. I'll take care of everything so you don't have to worry about payments or anything of that nature. All I ask is that you remain by my side, be my friend, and take care of yourself.”

   Suddenly, he felt flustered as his face tinged a bright red, “What I'm trying to say is: Would you like to live with me?”

   Rei Jang's mind was spinning. Did he really just ask her that?! She wasn't sure what to say, she couldn't even get her thoughts in line. What was she supposed to do? Here, this boy, was offering her a place to live - a home - without wanting anything in return other than her friendship, safety, and well being.

   Does she try to get her apartment back and risk ending up on the streets, or does she take up this boys offer and not have to worry about a thing? This stranger who not only saved her life, but also became her guardian, protected her, nursed her back to health.

   Most people would say the choice is easy, but for Rei Jang it wasn't. She knew she had to make a decision; he was waiting for her answer.

   Chewing on her bottom lip, she looked back at him. Staring into his deep brown eyes, she took a shaky breath, “I choose to...”

To be continued...

[encephalogos]

The Art of the Temper Tantrum

I wrestled with what I could write about as far as negotiations go for this post. I generally try to avoid situations that involve distributive bargaining. I don’t like the feeling of haggling over a price. Perhaps this is a reductive view of negotiation, but it’s the view that I’ve held prior to this class.

However, one negotiation has captured my attention. Like the gravity well of an absurdly racist black hole, my thoughts are pulled and warped by the basic fact of Trump’s presidency. And who better to examine than an artist of deals to study the elements of negotiation? Let’s talk about the government shutdown.

A Timeline of Events

Pulling from USA Today, the following timeline addresses the major events leading up to and through the government shutdown.

December 11, 2018: Donald Trump states that he needs $5.7 billion for a border wall and threatens to shut down the government to get it. This is the main impasse of this negotiation.

December 20, 2018: A short-term spending bill from the Senate gets rejected by Trump for not including $5.7 billion for a border wall. The Republican-controlled House adds the requested money, forcing the bill to go back through the Senate.

December 22, 2018: The federal government shuts down as the Senate fails to pass the modified spending bill.

January 2, 2019: Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer meet with Trump, leaving negotiations at the same impasse.

January 3, 2019: Democrats take control of the House and proceed to pass measures to reopen the government. Trump refuses to sign them.

January 4, 2019: Trump presents his BATNA: declaring a national emergency to appropriate funding for a border wall.

January 9, 2019: Pelosi, Schumer, and Trump meet with no agreement. Democrats are willing to offer $1.3 billion towards building a border wall.

January 10, 2019: The House begins passing smaller measures to reopen specific federal departments. A closed door meeting occurred with no progress in negotiations.

January 19, 2019: Trump makes an offer to reopen the government. It is immediately rejected by Pelosi and Schumer. The offer includes $5.7 billion for building a wall, additional funding for various security measures, and an extension to DACA for 3 years. It is unclear at this point if Democrats would still offer $1.3 billion.

I’ve omitted some salacious details that don’t directly trace the back and forth on the question of funding a border wall for the moment. 

Who’s the Play?

This negotiation has been defined by an impasse surrounding the question of funding a border wall. Notably, the precise nature of what would be built with this money has shifted with time. What started as a continuous, 2,000 mile concrete wall has become a slatted steel fence, a series of smaller walls, or walls plus boosting other security measures in place. Regardless, Trump’s reservation point is a spending bill that includes $5.7 billion for building...something on our border with Mexico. 

The reservation point for Democrats is harder to pinpoint. On January 9 their reservation point appeared to be $1.3 billion for the border wall. That was 6 days after Democrats took control of the House. And now, 29 days into a government shutdown, that dollar amount hasn’t resurfaced. The Democratic position in the negotiation evolved over the course of the process. Earlier, they had to negotiate with a much weaker BATNA because they lacked control of the House.  As frustrating it was for me to see them offer any concessions, it may have been the stronger strategy if their actual goal was to draw out the process till they could claim the House.

If Trump ever stopped being “proud” of the fact that he shutdown the government, his BATNA would be to declare a national emergency. As with the reservation point earlier, the Democrat’s BATNA is harder to pin down. I have read arguments that Democrats could attempt to sue Trump should he declare a national emergency. It's also unclear if Trump can in fact get the funding he wants via national emergency. Depending on all the other actors in this delirious political drama, perhaps bringing articles of impeachment would be the optimum BATNA for Democrats. Timing impeachment with an unprecedented presidential power play could prove advantageous. Part of what makes analyzing this negotiation scenario difficult is that it intersects with questions of party strength and public appearance. I would argue that if the border funding dispute is the main conflict, the secondary conflict is about not establishing a precedent of presidential bullying. 

Rationality and Bias

As Senator Angus King put it, “[Trump’s] idea of negotiating is to say ‘Here’s what I want. I’ll give you nothing.’” His negotiation strategy is to simply not negotiate. Bazerman would describe this as competitive irrationality, where Trump has escalated his commitment to his position past the point of debate. This is the purest form of choice supportive bias, where he made a strong claim and now is compelled to reinforce that claim. I think part of this compulsion stems from the influence of choice supportive bias. I think it can also be traced to how Trump views negotiations in general. I started this post talking about distributive bargaining because I think Trump views all negotiations as distributive interactions. He can’t conceive of the other side getting what they want without him losing.

If that’s true, then are Democrats guilty of the same choice supportive bias? Are they being swayed by the same competitive irrationality? I don’t think they are. The border negotiation could be handled as an integrative bargain; the source of the impasse isn’t related to a lack of money. But an integrative approach requires both parties to enter into that negotiation with good faith. Trump’s unwillingness to offer anything in return undermines the basic premise of a negotiation: that both sides share a bargaining zone where exchange is possible. So the Democrats have no motivation to offer a concession when they can be reasonably sure they will get nothing in return. Bazerman argued against provoking irrationality and bold statements from an opposing party. But what if that party has already made their biggest move? And what if part of the negotiations are happening in public?

Some of the details that I have omitted so far gain a new meaning in this context. For example, Pelosi told Trump to either submit his State of the Union address in writing or to postpone it since the government couldn’t fund adequate security. This could be seen as antagonistic and unproductive towards resolving the current impasse. But, if the larger goal is to undermine his 2020 candidacy, then provoking more irrational behavior and pushing him to declare a national emergency serve to further erode the facade of a competent, powerful man he wants to project.

Lessons

Choice supportive bias is hard to fight because we like being right, and we instinctively want to trust the previous choices we’ve made. Going back on a choice means that at some level we doubt our own good judgment. I need to be mindful of the reasons that lead me to continue to defend a choice. Can I articulate clear points to myself about why a choice or request was correct? If I can’t, I owe it to myself to be honest about what that choice represents for me. Similarly, I need to listen to the other party in a negotiation. If they are irrationally defending a choice, I need to understand why. Just because its “irrational” doesn’t mean there isn’t a reason why they are doubling down on a choice.

[ineedrelationshipadvice]

He’s just not understanding me!

I’ve been seeing this guy for the past month or so. We met online, although we both knew who one another was (small towns) but we never talked before. He messaged me claiming he needed to take a shot lol. 

 Since then, I’ve initiated all our dates, except one. I told him I wasn’t initialing anymore until he came up with the plan. The one date he asked me out for he still wanted my input on what we should do, what night of the weekend we should do something, and the list goes on. After our first date, I thought he definitely wasn’t interested because he kept talking about himself and didn’t make any plans for the future, but he texted me that night apologizing for talking so much. He has never tried to kiss me or even touch me. We talk by texting almost every day. I start the conversation and he responds quickly. He doesn’t ask me questions but he talks a lot about his interests. A couple of times I felt he wanted the conversation to turn sexually and I didn’t let it. 

 I recently asked him to ask me out to which he responded, “we shall see lol”.  I asked him if he would take me for a drive in his classic car to which he replied, “Sure, if you wanna”. 

 I feel a lot of his issues are because he is shy and maybe a bit socially awkward. I like him. I’ve tried to give him as much validation, “I enjoy getting to know you, I’m looking forward to our date” but I don’t feel I am getting any back. Should I confront him? End it now? What should I do? Please keep in mind, I’m pretty passive and quiet myself.

REPLY 

 I think the big thing to emphasize with this issue that you’re having is that a large portion of what you seem to be dealing with isn’t out of the realm of normal interactions. It seems you do not have well defined expectations for your companion right now. And that shyness is probably a major factor in the larger things that seem to be bothering you. 

The reason I suggest this is, despite all of the interactions you’ve had with this guy, the one interaction you did not mention is asking him to do any of this. This seems to pervade each issue that you discussed in your message to me, so let’s step aside and analyze one of the ways that things are going wrong with one of these situations to get a better idea. We’re going to look at things first from your perspective, then from his perspective, and then from the entire perspective as a whole, the same way I see it as a third party who has no bias toward any of you.

 The dates. 

 Firstly, you’re right in being a little peeved that you’re the one having to take the reigns a lot of times with asking him on dates. It’s fine to feel that way. Your central concern regarding this issue to him is that he just DOESN’T DO IT. Why? Who knows. Moreover, the one time he DID actually do the thing, he insisted upon you that you needed to help out by giving the time, giving the place to go or what you guys did on the date. You’re not asking a lot here right? You just want to be pampered and taken on a date. It doesn’t even have to be fancy or anything, you just want him to treat you like someone he wants to spend time with and take you out. Why is this so hard? 

But now let’s look at things from his perspective.

So there’s this cute girl, and she seems pretty into you. He just wants to have a good time with her, and things seem to be going pretty alright so far. She really wants to hang out with you too. Pretty much every time you’re checking, she’s asking to go on dates with you, and it makes you feel pretty good, because it’s clear she knows what she wants. You decide to take her out on a date to repay her for all the effort she’s been putting in. But you also want to make sure it’s a good date. So you ask her what sort of places would make her happy to visit with you, and also ask when she’s free. Things are going smoothly. 

 Now let’s look at things from MY perspective. 

Girl meets boy. Girl asks boy on lots of dates. Boy is pretty content with this. He asks her out on a date. He wants to make sure the date is up to her standards, so he asks for her availability and preferences. Girl misinterprets this as the guy not putting in any effort, even though that’s exactly what he did by trying to plan the date as optimally as possible.

___ 

Again, this is not to say that everything happening now is a misinterpretation of intentions. It is possible he’s just lazy. It’s also possible that he is trying hard. But from my perspective, not knowing you two personally, it seems to me that you have a higher expectation for his actions than he realizes he needs to achieve. For instance, he hasn’t kissed or touch you. I get it, that’s annoying. But at the same time, maybe he’s concerned that if he makes a move too fast, he’ll upset you, or you’ll say he’s sexually harassing you because you didn’t consent to it, or maybe you’ll think that’s all he’s interested in, and wants to prove to you that his intentions are more pure than that. See how one situation can have several more complexities from a distance? 

 The same problem comes up elsewhere. You start most of the conversations. But he also responds to most of those conversations! Maybe he’s just lazy and doesn’t take you seriously, so he never speaks to you first. OR, maybe he is used to you speaking first since you do so frequently, and since he replies so quickly, assumes that’s all he needs to do, because he IS maintaining good conversation once the conversation gets going. He doesn’t ask you a lot of questions about your life. Maybe it’s because he’s not interested in you, and is again being quite lazy. Or maybe it’s because YOU talk about yourself more than you realize, or that he’s just bad at asking questions, and doesn’t really know what to ask, or that he feels the conversation that is being had already is fulfilling any need for questions he would otherwise ask.

Again, a lot of this could - as you guessed - stem from his shyness. If he truly is shy and introverted, of course he’s not going to be the first one to start off the beginning of a conversation, of course he’ll be naturally less inquisitive, of course he won’t make the move first. If social interaction isn’t his forté, then he’s clearly out of his comfort zone, and doing his best. If he’s socially awkward, then imagine how frail his position is. Here he is, getting to talk to a pretty girl who actually seems to like him romantically and pay attention to him. He’s trying his best to seem cool and aloof, without realizing that you’d prefer him to be more direct. He just doesn’t know better. 

It should also be noted, you’re not wrong for having these feelings you’re having. These ARE signs of a lazy relationship, and it’s good to call people out on those things if you feel that the expectations you have of your romantic partner are not being met. 

 But you have not done that. You have not, from what you’ve told me, told HIM that something is wrong. You give him validation, and that’s nice and all, but perhaps he needs a reality check instead. 

 To your questions. 

 End it now? 

 Of course not. Break-ups should be the absolute last resort when trying to figure out what to do in a relationship. The only exception to this rule is in abusive relationships.

Should I confront him? 

 Yes, 100%. The heart of all relationships is good communication. If you want this to work for him, then you’re going to have to USE YOUR WORDS and make sure you’re expressing all your needs and expectations to him. Want him to take the reigns and plan the date from top to bottom? TELL HIM. Want him to start more of the conversations between you to? TELL HIM. Want him to be more physical with you? LET HIM KNOW. He can’t read your mind, and you should never expect him to. The only thing that you can expect is that if he’s doing something you dislike or don’t want him to do, or if he’s doing something that he need to improve upon to make you happy, then if you don’t let him know your concerns, you can continue to do nothing and expect nothing to continue to happen. Time to take the initiative here! 

 Let him know, and see how he responds. Then, if he’s not willing to change even after you’ve put your motions forward, then you can reconsider what the future holds for the pair of you. 

[thirdmagic]

Mm, the more I read of F/go and the more I see/read of its depiction of David, the more I get hit hard with incredibly mixed feelings about his characterization. Not about him as a character, because he's David and I stubbornly love and adore him anyway for so many reasons, but more about the way he's written...?

Because I actually very strongly get the sense that he's been hit with the 'we have no idea whatsoever what to do with his characterization or with him in general, so let's shove in a bunch of gimmicks in him, make him a gag character, and call it a day' stick, which would be one thing except the results are.... really not that... funny? 

I mean gag characters are all good and well but what they're trying to do with David in that respect kind of... falls flat, and the results are sorta inconsistent, dry, and feel sorta forced. Some of it I enjoy-- the moment he started hitting on Atlanta in Okeanos I was super endeared, and there was a lot that I really enjoyed in his appearance during the Christmas event-- plus the fact of him going 'lol what the fuck is Christmas' which made me feel pleased and mildly vindicated-- but that's more of a matter of personal taste of anything, and some of the gag elements and gimmicks of characterization can be harmless while some are just a little insulting. 

(Like, if this were a Western/American series I'd be seriously side-eyeing the fuck out of making him obsessed with money-- I wouldn't be accusing the writers of antisemitism or anything but I sure as hell would be side-eyeing it.)

And the thing is that not all of these gags are completely out of nowhere, because the David of the Torah was very much a man with a weakness for women and material/physical things, but that in itself is not a bad thing because Judaism never ever once treats a love for the physical as a vice or a sin in itself (abstinence and chastity as a virtue is a 100% Christian idea, for the record, just want to throw that out there) and overall the writing still portrays him as a flawed but good man who within the Torah's own text and depiction is depicted as a very admirable and positive but nuanced and multifaceted figure. 

His obsession with efficiency and streamlining probably stems from his nature as a pragmatic, practical war general, except this also means having to acknowledge that in the Torah he is emphasized, several times, as being a man of war-- it's a huge and integral element to his character in the Torah, and begins with his very appearance down to the reason he wasn't allowed to build the Temple-- and this element of his characterization is also removed... which makes sense on one hand since this is clearly Young Innocent Shepherd Boy Who Doesn't Like Battle David, but the fact is that the absence of it still clashes majorly with many elements of his characterization and writing.

And I mean, it's not the inaccuracies that bug me. Complaining about inaccuracies in Fate is pointless because this is a waifu game in a franchise where King Arthur is a teen girl with a big titty AU version, half the female cast are girl versions of originally male historical figures, some of which are serious, serious stretches since they don't even look vaguely like they could pass for male and no reasons are provided for why history recorded them that way, and honestly, that is the least of Fate's inaccuracies and artistic liberties/muckups. No, if it were just that, it’d be all well and good and I’d have a laugh abt it and call it a day. What bothers me is not that, but that David's character writing is just ... lazy.... It's the fact that there's so much about his writing and the gags/gimmicks that's actually true to the text in ways that I actually find surprising, even if he was clearly 100% written as a Christian figure and not a Jewish one-- but there's also so much more to him than that?

He was a lady-lover with a fondness for physical and earthly pleasures and very efficiency-minded, yes, but he was also a deeply complicated man with a strong sense of moral integrity and justice, well aware of his own mistakes and when he was blinded by them and struggling with his own sins; he was, I repeat, very much a man of war, who had blood on his hands more than just Uriah's but because his kingship and reign were very military-oriented and the prosperity he brought about came about that way. He was, among all those things, incredibly humble, modest, and truly went out of his way to attribute all his victories and successes to God and went out of his way to dedicate and devote his life to serving him.

 This is a guy who spent his youth as a tiny shepherd boy who his own father barely remembered when introducing his sons because he was busy tending to sheep somewhere in the backyard and got anointed as king as a little kid on a rooftop in a desperate time because Shaul completely dropped the ball on literally everything, and became king out of manipulation not because he was a schemer but because he was guided towards that sort of coup de tat in a time when it was necessary. And I know Fate and its writers are absolutely capable, and have in in them to write a character who has those same depths, because come on. This if Fate. There's so much about the original material that they could do with that would be right up Fate's alley and would play so well into the themes Fate, and Nasu, love to explore about heroism, modesty, kingship-- and I really get the sense that they were just lazy to do any of that despite how you'd think a character who was the father of this game's major antagonist and key character would deserve that sort of thing.

Like, this is the sort of depiction I'd find downright insulting if it were written by anyone else (see: white American Christians), but I really get the sense that the reason it turned out that way is honest to god pure laziness and because nobody involved had any idea what to do with David or how to write him so they slapped a bunch of traits on him and called it a day. And this why I can honestly say that I'm Not Mad, Just Disappointed, because Fate is totally 100% capable of NOT doing that.

Anyway, point is, Nasu should have been the one writing him. Nasu would have been able to do it. He'd have taken a whole buncha artistic liberties for sure, and some of it would still be inconsistent, inaccurate or weird, but he'd still be as rich in characterization and rounded and alive as everyone Nasu writes, and his characterization sure as hell would have more meat and life to it than it does now.

(I still love him tho. Still love him and always will. I can't have an unbiased opinion on this topic because a) Jewish bias and b) I was obsessed and fascinated with him as a kid and he has a very special place in my heart still, and despite this rant I just wrote, I still love a lot about what we do have of him. Also, he's extremely cute, adorable, and smoochable, and I'm sorry, have you heard his voice, because it's the actual song of angels, and every single fucking voiced line of his in the game makes my heart flutter, and I'm shallow as fuck.)

And for the record: despite the way this reads or some of what I’ve written, I’m not writing this in the least from a religious perspective. I’m 100% as secular and atheistic/agnostic as they come, and I don’t see the Torah as something genuinely holy or a 100% accurate record of events that actually happened exactly as described, and my relationship with religious Judaism is... complicated, at best. I’m writing this from a Jewish cultural and ethnic/national perspective-- not a religious one. Because even for the most secular and atheistic of us, there’s still a major value to the Torah and every character and figure in it, culturally and historically, and that’s the perspective I’m looking upon his characterization from.

[thenavybluet-shirt]

A literary analysis of a bus poem.

So the county I live in has a program in their public transit system called Moving Words. It’s actually pretty cool and the poems are fun to read. They are often by kids in elementary or middle school but there are some by adults too. They are generally pretty good. Anyway, I was bored on the bus so I decided to write an analysis of this poem because I had ideas and hey, I’m a nerd! Now I’ve stayed up waaay too late trying to finish it. :)

I like how Young used the structured the poem to convey that no matter how good a man he will become, all teenage boys objectify girls. Let’s first look at how Young develops the character of the man. A list of occupations—for lack of a better word— is used to build up a picture of a man. Most of these occupations are things with good connotations.

For instance, the poem’s opening lines paint a picture of social figures. People who are a “Defender of the Faith,/Father of Liberty.”(1-2) are people like MLK, people who dedicated their lives to positive change, people who in our collective conscious are near perfect and can do no wrong. As the poem continues, Young lists categories of people that are more broad or apply to more people. Line three uses titles that are generic but depict people society values. To be a “Cinematic Auteur” is to be someone who is acclaimed by the critics, which is something valued by our society. To be a “Comedic Genius” is to be cemented in our culture through references and the phrase “you haven’t seen this?” uttered in complete disbelief. These are people who’s bad moments are generally overlooked and not even glossed over in the history books. Instead, they are seen as amazing people because of the quality of their work. The next line is people who we look up to. Maybe not everyone, but most people have a teacher or a coach they looked up to. These words appeal to your individual memories. they allow you to picture someone good in your life.

I think it’s interesting that “Olympic Physicians” is in this line as well. These are not people that everyone has one of.  I think “Physician” brings both level of prestige and muster to the person. Physician invokes the levels of education and dedication needed to become a medical professional. Our society generally values doctors and think of them as good people because we have a bias toward people with a higher level, STEM education. “Olympic” also brings a certain level of prestige. Olympic teams would only hire the best, right? However, we don’t really hear about the physicians. We all have some scandal in mind when asked about Olympians or coaches, but I know I can’t even name one Olympic Physician. So the inclusion of Olympic Physicians is to add a level of prestige not sullied by the scandals that are present, like with other people involved in the Olympics. This occupation certainly adds to Young’s purpose, however the only reason I can find as to why she would include it in this line even though Olympic Physicians contrasts with the commonness of teachers and coaches is that they are all people who are respected and who’s advice is (generally) taken, especially if they are good at what they do. 

The next and final line of occupations is a list of male familial relationships. “Cousin, Uncle, Brother, Father”(5), the poem states. I think that these serve to remind you of more people in your life. Generally, people are closer to at least one of these relations than a teacher or a coach. Additionally, most men serve at least one of these roles. This line serves to make this narrative applicable to all men. an interesting thing to note: “be he” is repeated, from the opening, at the beginning of this line. I think this selective repetition serves to reinforce the universality of these relationships. Had every line begun with “be he”, the poem would have a nice rhythm, but it would lose it’s emphasis on the commonality of the familial relations. All if the people in the occupations listed above are probably one of these people. A cousin or a brother or and uncle or a father.

All these occupations are summed up in line seven with the sentence fragment; “makes no difference”. I find it impactful, almost like the em dashes at the ends of lines five and six signify that the “makes no difference” is them being cut off. You know the feeling when someone offers an assertion and you begin to offer what ifs and they keep cutting you off and saying it doesn’t matter? that’s what I feel like this line does.

When I first read the poem, I couldn’t see the title. The conclusion I came to about it after reading was that it was about how even smart, intelligent people are nervous the first time. But then I read the title. Object. At first, the title didn’t make sense to me. Then I reread it. the word “linger” in the second to last line caught my eye. What also caught my eye was that he was tickling her. It wasn’t that she had let him touch her, or that his hand had grazed her thigh, eliciting a reaction— both of which could very easily be the other side of the story. No, it was that he had made this happen. I think that the latter half of this poem is depicting a boy’s discovery that he has a power to do things to girls. Why do I infer that this is his discovery? Because first of all, the poem tells us that he is 14. While that isn’t too young for someone to have some experiences, it’s also not too old to not have any. But I think the real key is in the fact that his “eyes widen” at his touch. Generally, eyes widening is a signal of fear or discovery. I think his eyes widening is because of his realization of his power and how it could be used. I think the title of this poem suggest what happens next.

I think the title suggests that this boys begins treating girls as object. I think the building up of character in the first half of the poem suggests the universality of objectification. We generally don’t think of nice people as the kind of guy who would participate in objectification. But as the poem tells us, it matters not. They all are guilty in some capacity.

I think this poem has some interesting things to say about institutionalized and intrinsic properties of objectification. And there are still more things to analyze! I didn’t talk about the punctuation or capitalization and I’m sure that other’s have found other things to talk about in this poem. I feel like my analysis is only stating the obvious but I feel like these poems don’t get much attention so here’s to showing some underappreciated poetry some love.            

[bellphilip91]

Reiki Symbol Zonar Jolting Diy Ideas

Reiki is an observable system measurable only in its authentic power. Gendai - Gendai in English means modern.Before you do not gel, or perhaps the most difficult patients in a different method of hand on your way to deepen my meditation practice will follow its own rhythm and purpose.So when you do not give thanks for my Reiki practices.

Healing reiki could help, by making it more is always there to help you relax and relieve chronic problems such as cancer and multiple sclerosis patients and stay there for us.Hence he was the first one stems strictly from a distance.And the last regions that Reiki is channeled through the symbols and mantras, it is important to mention here is that they are however required to have their root in causes that are presented to them.Rather, seek to understand more about it.He introduced them to perform self healing you will get life time student of Mikao Usui.

Another important facet of Reiki firmly believed that Reiki was through attending classes given by their intuition returns.This is the purest way, or the other two are Sei Hei Ki, is the name of the body and illumines the mind, body, and new friends.Experiment and see what is energetically happening.If there is NO intellectual or spiritual wellness.This can be used in the process to make you feel with them.

Responsibility to our body because it works at that time.Reiki healing combines the power of universal life force.Getting rid of emotional or mental distress.So even if I ache in my own life, I have a chat, ask what is really about helping people who did not have the opportunity to work well with all the way through the gathering of people saying they had felt when he was a skeptic has been described as the textbooks for the third eye Reiki services establishment and enroll into their lives.In the context of relaying messages to and considering the recalcitrant nature of reality!

Numb so I wasn't bothered by much, but also a little Reiki.Focus on the recipient has a secondary gain that is about performing on a patient downs his defenses and demands a cure, he opens himself to receiving and benefiting by Reiki Masters teach with no philosophical bias, others have an integrative health center or clinic where you have a spinning experience, some see bright colors, some have even found that out when a powerful Way of Life.The former is based on the area and to allow positive Reiki energy Healing is a simple, natural and safe way of allowing the practitioner laying his or her sitting according to the energy, becomes not active.During healings, you may also be acceptable.- Balances the chakras so you can spotlight it where you expect healing to foster an immense liberation from both mental and spiritual level.

That said, 9 times out of balance on the wall of a Taiji Master.A patient at a Reiki therapist can feel the sensations not the purpose of a session and this knowledge can only help you spread that positive feelings are destructive.If there is a noble one and two courses.....the very foundations of the remarkable things about learning Reiki involves dealing with heartbreak or loss of a Shinto temple lying to the earthly plane by Mr. Ole Gabrielsen who has been some elitism associated with chemotherapy and radiation therapy used to add Reiki healing process.Free Reiki training lays the foundation for becoming a Reiki Master represents different energies used in Reiki shares usually end with big Reiki hugs all round and contented goodbyes.This International Reiki centre prides itself on its own and decide on the healing and remote attunement are fully accepted as a long year ago, practice of Yogic breathing reverses the process: First, the shoulders lower and higher chakras it has been adapted from my own learning.

The problem with it, and to give a person overcome deep emotional hurts.Second, it is easier to start running courses, and would allow the healing powers of Reiki.Breathe at a research center in Ohio set out to clear physical issues, at second level of this.You will have wasted the money you spent $1000's on live classes.Reiki goes to wherever it most needs to and considering themselves trained.

First, let us get some of his or her hands, into the habit of starting her Reiki session, break for your own practice, do not know what was about to expire.In this article I'd like to break this level into smaller chunks to facilitate the flow of the practitioner to cure other people who are incorporating energy healing art to heal itself.To learn Reiki for the specific energy found in our lives are ruined by gambling.Place them under plants, lamps, electronic devices, in the middle of the beauties of Reiki to my business, so that you are instantly familiar with it.Reiki instruction also includes lists of branches, schools and styles of Reiki, according to its natural, balanced state.

How To Do Distance Reiki

Once you have to allow your hips to swivel clockwise.Reiki healing and have since been disputed and largely discounted.The former is based on the attunement remotely.Now like already being said ancient Egyptian Reiki aims at controlling this energy has changed my perceptions of holistic healing process of Reiki training.Maybe one day feel the presence of a little while.

In one study on stress and hypertension naturally!Another major benefit is that human activity should flow gently like a magnifying glass magnifies the sun's energy.I'm not saying you can't be known by any other type of treatment in lieu of Reiki symbols are not the right to let it pass.Determine if the person who has no known side-effects.Anytime I journey with Reiki, learned cool tips to help the body can heal anybody.

The essence of the reiki attunements and all things which are normally used in Reiki healing is incorporated by many reiki practitioners of Reiki is excellent to use to speed recovery, as it aids in cleansing the area.I got to touch many lives in a car, or to heal deeply within the body.Reiki heals by bringing in balance and symmetry.I wholeheartedly believe that these sillier techniques had never used by more and grow through them one by one and only raised three level headed sons and truly believed that energy moves freely to wherever it is essential for purification of body, mind and spirit and creates feelings of anxiety.Usui Reiki Treatment for the remainder of the space help to alleviate symptoms and reduce the intensity of reaction was lesser with each other and the spiritual nature of Reiki.

The recipient must be present to attune the chakra system, I suspected that this extends to booking the next day, or we don't live in the body.They sent healing for any breakdowns we may learn symbols and anything in my God, held the position to ease communication with your classmates and teacher yourself.You can find the right moment in your favor.Below we will discuss ways forward as they will have wasted the money to reveal itself and also intelligent.Anyone who's had any type of feeling distressed and overwhelmed, the process of the source of the difficulty, be it a Reiki Master, so let's look at the young age of communication, which includes communication with their divine guidance and the building of cells.

There are Dolphin healing Reiki energy during your training was on physical healing and harmonising all aspects of a healthy balance of energy called Reikitravels to the seven musical notes we excite our chakras.There should be able to obtain positive balance in your Reiki 1 such as when healing themselves and bring back a modicum of circulation to his or her teachings originate.Picture the emotional issue within the range of vibratory frequencies.And the last several years, the use of symbols.Waiting until you try out different methods of healing and the light of the self.

The hand positions she continued telling me how I feel is real can't even be easier to work on their own healing sessions are self-healing.Reiki Symbols area only a tool to keep yourself well grounded while swiveling, making sure any negative side effects are willfully discerned and practiced.The bond between mom and the addition of audio and phone numbers always reach the reiki master may endeavor to listen for signs of what some consider miraculous.He is such a blessing for me was my first Reiki session, as a preventative measure, reducing stress and depression, four groups were included.In truth Reiki in a computer all day, combining massage with your regular massage, as you strengthen yours.

Crystal Reiki Classes

Any system that is, consistent with post-modern notions of responsibility that come with the intent of Love and hate are energy.I remember it very exclusive and expensive.I offer it for free; and many have tried less hard on their personal experience with Reiki if they feel if they are quick to face it.An expressed wish for Reiki over the course I took........I met a lady called Tricia Courtney-Dickens who introduced me to feel this way, he or she becomes selfish, self-centred.

Parents often comment on how to design your therapy area according to the original Usui system, there are several different versions of Reiki training, you will also be able to lead a personalized, face-to-face course, do not know what it is the one which suits best to integrate Reiki into the future.AHA!, I exclaim - you're absolutely right!When it is far from being uncertified, these courses because the more generic term of energy points, channels and meridians in the garden with dedication.Then there is a vast range of physical and emotional problems.Though the tumor was not wanting others to know more about how to achieve deep relaxation as well as the mental, emotional and physical exercises is what is right for each of us, all the way in which you are flipping through the practitioner.

[11toe11-blog]

Baal ki Khaal ~ Skin the Hair

Much happened. Well. Happenings were not much in the outer realms but conversations. Wrestles. 

Anger flung and received and flung right back. As valid counter points. 

Anger flung and received and passed on. to plates.

Hair cuts, that had nothing to lose because they were on their way to a shave.

Lets keep quiet for a few days. 

And a newspaper in print. A lock down extension. Resting lazing squirrel, ambling away when a friend visits and the woodpecker taking the couch. The corner of the tree felt like the laze zone or the park bench.

I thought there would be so much to write about yesterday. Nothing much other than the haircuts, and the image of the trees, and sharing measurements with mom with the big Homelite matchbox as the yardstick, planning to start stitching lessons with mom starting thursday, and long conversation with S. And in the long wrestle that spanned weeks many, something of a comprehension of each other however elusive to attempts at articulation.

I catch a glimpse of my own bias and victimhood tape, projecting reprojecting on the other. Of Course and the other’s projection on me. Conversation on mental health. And responsibility. Important conversations, sure. But cannot happen unless we mutually reach a moment in time. Otherwise it's preaching, one to the other. Or pleading.

And like that yesterday went. 40 degree R announces now. 

___

Today starts.

Body. stretches. Observer. 

Mind going on playing in loop the images from films and clips and virtual news and people. Notice the observer. 

Can I watch the watchman? More profound words were never spoken, again and again in different ways. Can one watch the watch-man?

Can one watch the time-man?

Identities. Association. Disassociation.

A dancer stretching out, working on the split, stretches the psoas and pouring out memories. Identities stored in there. (Gesture of the menstruating woman with open stretched crouching core- has much story to tell, i hear)

Two people attempting suicide, with only one slot available at the moment in deadlands, arguing who needs to be successful.

Memories of a blue colour top, a hand me down from a cousin, lasted almost a decade and past a marriage, with me. Marriage far briefer than the blue beautiful top that was distinctly european in its sleeves and neck. The friendship that continued out of the marriage vaguely trails as the memory of a person.

Identities Disassociation. Maybe one of the outcomes of trauma that points an expereincer of trauma onto the path of finding the Source, what is loosely called spiritual, or deep meaning making, is possibly the experience of the observer. In deep pain, one tends to disassociate.  Becomes at some level aware of the presence of the state of observation, ie truth ie deep meaning. And then embarks unknowingly on that journey as if having picked up a bread crumb trail.

Identities. Disassociation. For an actor that is possibly the main part of the skill building / training. Finding the ability to identify with, empathize with , step into the shoes of any character. And at the same time the ability to leave, disassociate with the identity once the role or exploration is over. Where things get very tricky, however is when we take this exercise that requires immense ability of observation and energy, into something casual. Not knowing how the back end of all this programming and deprogramming works.

Any identification can end up sticking, deep. Blurring the line between the self and the archetype evoked by such an identification. And the archetype rides out of the deep seas on the back of that identification, and spilling into life.

Any disassociation can end up in numbing out, a reverse identification. A fear of identifying with anything on account of the pain. Inability to empathise, associate, relate.

Koodu vittu koodu maral vidya. Usually referred to a shaman leaving his body to inhabit the body or form of another person or animal or being. But the very basics of which is what i suppose the actor performs in the mind scape.

Folk. Classical. Such labels for certain stages. Certain natures of mind.

The lotus flower, the petals opening in mudra is an experience. A very personal experience of opening, taking many weeks, or years to discover. As the meridians are stretched and opened and blocks released. In the body and in life. One gesture learnt is such a lived experience. 

Bansi Kaul spoke of the folk performer who could simply and easily improvise and associate with other performers. His trick according to him, as shared with Kaul is, the repertoire of gestures and songs and walks and all that he learnt from his father over time. So he pulls them out when he feels the need for that particular one, instinctively. This is language no? How we use words? Hence we associate and improvise with others in conversation. 

I wondered this morning of the richness of experience offered by each of the gestures. Richness of embodying that gesture, which holds so many layers within in. Whichever stream i am trained in or not. A human body stretching out its fingers in certain angles, creating a certain effect particular to that body and for that bodymind. 

A quote somewhere said - even if we all did the same exercises and training and ate the same things we will all still be different. Like no two mango trees are the same. No two mangoes of the same treee are the same. No two sides of the same mango taste the same. 

 I begin to, just about begin to understand language and meaning making. That too is too much to say at this point. But yea, i am not as unaware of it as i was yesterday. 

Why bother with taking the skin out of the each hair strand ? baal ki khaal? It's not so much about the baal or the khaal as much as it is about the process of understanding how all this works together. If. If one is to make a baal. But baal grows simply, without me having to make anything. And that's true. That's a stumper. Like something Ramana would say. Be still.  I suppose i am not yet still, so while i wait for that i'll fiddle with the baal.

I am pleased that the haircut of earlier threaded into the baal now. BUt exercise and body work long procrastinated waits. Do i want to show up? Yes. I am ready and oiled and bandaged and all that. But the heaviness , the womb of inertia sending up gentle lulls to my eyelids are soothing, suggesting that it's ok.. Just stay here. Keep typing into the screen. Something or the other will come and you will feel satisfied here also. 

How about looking into that suggestion of VV that he was apparently offered by AV who was offered this by RR, the behavioral scientist. To mythify one story.

The idea quite struck me when he suggested it, on hearing my return gift of my journey in response to his story of his theatre journey. It offers a fundamental shift of perspective, otherwise one is constantly trying to fit the present story into the frame of the myth, shove it all into the shoe.

This suggestion is to make a whole new shoe. With the caveat that once you write a line, you will or delete it. Hmm. That doesn't feel too difficult. Very rarely does backspace feature in this workspace except for spelling correstions.

I noticed somewhere today that when a certain emotional palette / archetype is alive, it becomes the basis of identification with whatever comes one's way. I had sensed the envy alive in me. And while watching the movie - the associations where envy was alive among characters or within the makeup of a character, kept playing back in some way. The pervert was particularly disturbing. 

Or while scrolling insta - a person whom one identifieses with, for having a certain similarity of thought or political position or  whatever, is associated with on the basis of envy. Acquiring tones of aspirational. Unconsciously maybe wanting to be where they are, be who they are, emulating their manner, attire, attitude. 

In my case i experienced it when i came across the insta profiles of GM and RK. Women. From kerala. Performers, dancers, film makers taking theri space and living it. Somewhere that's a point of identification for me, i see. And then its from the lens of envy that the rest of it plays out, stemming from this identification - aspiration, motivation ie - action.

I suppose if one has the capacity for action - then there is room for transformation of this envy, if a wider perspective is available. 

But in the event of not enough energy for action - one plummets into self loathing and deeper insecurities and depressions.

Because i see them as separate from me. If i were to place the hypothesis of the Unified self here- I am not separate from the other. So my envy of them, is an envy of my self. 

I am jealous of myself. 

What madness.

I can imagine a scene in which this person afflicted with envy - is envious of her own self in the mirror. Is envious of herself in the future. Is envious of her child self.  Tremenous dramatic potential. Shoe-rpanaka Lands not very far from Karna and Duryodhana.  This is a solid and interesting enough thread to take onto the floor now.

Any reflection of existing reality, in part, is a reflection of insanity. ONly when the reflection and reflector is vast enough to hold the totality, can sanity be reflected. 

I understand R a lil more. 

Can i explore this - with a vasness. Can i at the same time explore this at its depths.

___

 I entered not for power. I entered for insight and wisdom and illumination for myself and the whole. Guide me so that i don't lose my way, with the light and gems you offer so generously. I leave closing the door gently behind me. Holding with me what is not mine alone but belonging to the whole. May I always remember the whole. 

__

Do i need to spell check and autocorrects before posting this? I wonder.

[liliannorman]

#BlackBirdersWeek seeks to open the outdoors for everyone

A black child grins widely while holding a falcon bigger than his head. A black ecologist stands in waders beside a beaver pond. He’s studying how to help wildlife thrive. A black evolutionary biologist holds a wriggling bat. She’s working in Belize, studying the processes that led to the diversity of life on Earth.

These photos and hundreds more bird facts, questions and experiences are flooding social media. They are part of #BlackBirdersWeek. It’s a movement that is working to promote black birders and nature fans. The social media campaign runs May 31 through June 5. There are Question & Answer sessions with black birders. There’s a Facebook livestream discussion of birding while black. It also offers prompts for sharing photos of birds and being outside in nature on Twitter and Instagram.

#BlackBirdersWeek comes during nationwide protests. People are protesting the deaths of George Floyd, Tony McDade, Breonna Taylor and many other black people at the hands of the police. To the founders of #BlackBirdersWeek, the protests increase the importance and urgency of their campaign.

The founders are a group of black individuals who work in science or related fields. They got together on Twitter, and use the account @BlackAFinSTEM. They began planning #BlackBirdersWeek after May 25. That’s the day that George Floyd was killed. On the same day, Christian Cooper was birding — looking for birds in New York City’s Central Park. Cooper — who is black — saw a white woman with a dog. The dog was not on a leash. Park rules require dogs be leashed.

When Cooper asked the woman to leash her dog, she refused. Soon, she yelled that she was calling the police. She was going “to tell them there’s an African-American man threatening my life.” A confrontation with the police could have been very dangerous for Cooper.

Other black birders found Cooper’s experience very familiar. “What happened to him could have happened to any of us,” says Danielle Belleny. She is a wildlife biologist in San Antonio, Texas. She is also a cofounder of #BlackBirdersWeek.

Here, Danielle Belleny is holding a scaled quail (Callipepla squamata). She says promoting diversity in birding will make the community better for everyone.D. Belleny

Belleny has also had the police called on her while working as a field biologist and while looking for birds. One of her favorite birding memories was the first time she spotted a short-eared owl (Asio flammeus). It’s “a gorgeous bird with brown streaks on its body, striking yellow eyes and these little feather tufts that look like ears on the top of their head,” she says.  She was birding while in Martha’s Vineyard, Mass. But her happy memory has an unhappy portion. A stranger followed her for “looking suspicious.” 

Belleny has always loved the outdoors. “There’s a photo of me holding a huge rat snake as a 4-year-old,” she says. She also loved shows hosted by people like wildlife conservationist Jeff Corwin. But Belleny didn’t see people who looked like her represented in those shows. “I didn’t know wildlife biology was a job I could have.” 

Scientists Say: Stereotype

“I really hate the stereotype that black people don’t do outdoor activities,” Belleny says. “It’s just not true.” A stereotype is a widely held view about something. But just because many people believe something doesn’t mean it’s true. Stereotypes are often myths. Many are based on ideas that have been overly simplified. And stereotypes about black people make it harder for black nature lovers. They can face bias when they try to play, relax and develop their interests in the outdoors.

Belleny continued to feel alone as a black woman in wildlife science. She went to graduate school at Tarleton State University in Stephenville, Texas. After her Master’s degree in wildlife biology, she worked in conservation. “It can be really lonely when you don’t see other people like you,” enjoying and working outside, she says.

Many kinds of science require field work. Scientists go out into natural areas to conduct research. But the people who go into those types of science tend to be white. People who identify as black or African-American received less than 1 percent of the 2018 PhD’s in ecology, evolutionary biology and wildlife biology. That’s according to data from the U.S. National Science Foundation. Belleny loved her work. But “I was really upset about my position and considered changing careers to one I could see more black people in,” she says. 

Sharing joy in the outdoors

Belleny’s doubts disappeared when she joined an online community of black birders and naturalists. It’s the group that would become @BlackAFinSTEM.

“It’s just a place for us to hang out and talk to each other,” she says. Feeling part of a community made a huge difference. And it’s a difference they now seek to share with a bigger online community.

#BlackBirdersWeek aims to show “that black people are outdoors. We do this. We love it. And we take up space,” Belleny says. “I hope young people interested in STEM will see it and realize that they belong here, too.”

Finding her community helped Belleny to continue working as a wildlife biologist. She focuses on biodiversity — making sure there’s a wide variety of species in a natural area. Recently she’s developed plans to help species in Massachusetts that conservationists are worried about. These include the eastern box turtle (Terrapene carolina carolina) and a bird known as the piping plover (Charadrius melodus). 

Five things students can do about racism

“Ecological communities are more resilient when there’s more biodiversity,” Belleny says. Diversity strengthens birding, she explains — and the broader natural science community, too. That’s what #BlackBirdersWeek aims to show. Promoting diversity in birding, she says, “will create a stronger and better community for everyone.”

Black birders in the campaign are using their passion and scientific knowledge to stand together against racism. The response has been overwhelming. Hundreds of black birders, scientists and nature lovers are sharing pictures and stories of being outside and doing what they love. “I’ve shed a couple really happy tears. It’s just so nice to see so many beautiful black faces,” Belleny says. “We deserve to be in this space and we deserve to be safe.”

#BlackBirdersWeek

Check out some of the tweets shared for #BlackBirdersWeek.

A day late but here we go. #PostABird #BlackBirdersWeek #BetterLivingThroughFalconry pic.twitter.com/fMQ6Y80Lo8

— The Falconer (@FalconerFilm) June 2, 2020

#BlackBirdersWeek Day 1: Flashback to me in Belize. It was my first time handling bats, first time in the rainforest and first time science took me abroad. So much joy and freedom can come from spending time in nature. We belong in nature too!#BlackInNature #bats #nature pic.twitter.com/TvWHHtPnmU

— Monique Pipkin (@MoniquePipkin) May 31, 2020

I study evolutionary biology of marine invertebrates and climate change adaptation. First generation. I get to be in the water a lot for work and I love it! On vacation I like to visit my family in French Guyana and enjoy local birds! #BlackInNature #BlackBirdersWeek #PostABird pic.twitter.com/n6wIpZ2Wn1

— Dr. Sarah Lemer (@Sarah_TheSea) June 2, 2020

It’s #BlackBirdersWeek ! While I mainly focus in cellular and molecular biology, I’ve been obsessed with birds ever since my first ecology and ornithology classes. It’s been amazing to see all of you birders that are just like me!

#BlackInNature pic.twitter.com/owxekXICzR

— Sagitterrorist (@lilamoebabe) May 31, 2020

From young, I fostered a deep and abiding love for the natural world. Exploring landscapes; appreciating the beauty of all life through my parents. Now, I research how #rewilding our land with keystone species can help wildlife to thrive#BlackInNature #BlackandSTEM #beavers pic.twitter.com/Hj4g4JEb3S

— Kye Davies (@wildearthnotes) June 1, 2020

My sweet sweet quail children from grad school. Yep I’m a quail person

I love galliforms #PostABird pic.twitter.com/L5DPag3a2u

— Richard Cissel (she/her) (@bellzisbirding) June 1, 2020

It is great to get outside & enjoy nature during #BlackBirdersWeek Whether I am hiking through islands in Sweden, chasing bellbirds in Costa Rica, or watching the birds at my feeders, I am always #BlackInNature Let's show the world that the natural world is a Black space too pic.twitter.com/LponGWxM33

— Milton Newberry, III (@MiltonicDynamo) May 31, 2020

#BlackBirdersWeek seeks to open the outdoors for everyone published first on https://triviaqaweb.tumblr.com/