#not that people have been particularly kind about it before now but that's. not the point

[save-the-villainous-cat]

I was rereading the hero x vampire heat season snippet you wrote and was wondering if you could do a similar one? Like a hero that is very shy and embarrassed about being attracted to villain, and maybe even really likes the villain's voice, and the villain teases and/or reassures them it's totally normal/okay?

No pressure at all, and regardless of whether you answer i hope you'll have a wonderful day! <3

“Did you know—” the villain’s lips were dangerously close to the hero’s burning ear “—I find your fangs adorable?”

The hero hadn’t expected a kidnapping to turn into this, to turn into a romantic conversation by the fireplace. It was cruel how sweet the villain could be. The hero had been nervous enough already when the villain had asked them kindly to get into the car.

Kindly with a gun pointing at them.

The hero had been shot before and they knew from experience that it wasn’t a particularly nice experience.

“Those fangs could rip out your throat,” the hero said. Slowly, the villain drew shapes with their index finger into the hero’s thigh. That was cruel, too. The villain knew they were sensitive, especially today.

“Wouldn’t that be wonderful?” the villain asked. “That way this spluttery mouth could finally shut up and find some peace…my colleagues hate how much I talk about you.”

“You’re mean,” the hero said. They could feel themselves slipping back into their desires. There was a line, a very fine line between control and instincts and somehow the villain managed to dance on that line with the hero perfectly.

That had its own perks. Sometimes, the hero welcomed the challenge. But not really today in particular. Some days were more manageable whereas on others the hero felt like a wild animal.

“You asked me to do this, don’t you remember?”

“I asked you to make sure I wouldn’t kill any people,” the hero said. “And that I wouldn’t go crazy.”

“And I’m doing that. This is called damage control, darling.” The villain leaned over and the hero could feel their soft breath on the hero’s neck. “I hope you like it.”

“Curse you,” the hero whispered. Instinctively, they cupped the villain’s jaw and pulled them close enough for their cheeks to touch. “You know what this does to me.”

“Poor hero,” they mused. The villain’s hand travelled down to the hero’s knee. “Tell me, dear. Is my heart beating fast?”

They took the hero’s hand and pressed it against their own chest.

It nearly broke the hero. Desiring someone was one thing. Being subdued to their own nature was humbling and embarrassing. It was something that plagued them regularly.

But being desired? Someone feeling the same things they did? Someone who was willing to treat them this well…?

The hero swallowed.

A while ago, some people they had trusted had treated them like an animal. They’d been imprisoned for being a vampire. Those people had promised them to keep others safe from them but it had been raw torture. And now, the villain let them walk around freely. They gave them delicious food and tasty drinks.

They spoiled them.

“Can you feel it? Can you tell how fast my heart is beating?” the villain asked. Their voice was deeper now, more alluring.

“You…”

“You want to bite, don’t you? Sink your teeth into my neck and suck…”

“I shouldn’t—”

“Why not?” the villain asked. Gently, they grabbed the hero’s hips and pulled them towards them until the hero was sitting on the villain’s lap. In response, the hero gasped softly and held onto the villain’s clothing. “Hm?”

“…I shouldn’t even like you in the first place. We are enemies.”

“And yet, you asked me to take care of you.”

“…maybe.” The hero closed their eyes. The villain’s heart was beating fast but it wasn’t only desire. They were nervous.

The hero wasn’t sure if the villain was nervous because of them or something else.

“I trust you,” the hero said. “I believe that you will make the right choices when it comes to me. I can’t explain it but…you can deal with me. You can handle me. You know what I need. And that is kind of scary.”

Despite the hero’s endless advances towards the villain, they had never forced the hero to do anything. They always let the hero make the first move.

“It’s perfectly normal to be attracted to me when you’re…in this state,” the villain said. “I will not—”

“That’s the problem. It doesn’t stop once this phase is over. It never really stops.” The hero’s ears were burning and they could feel the villain’s heartbeat increase quickly.

“We should get some band aids for my neck then,” the villain said.

The hero couldn’t tell who was more excited.

[onlycosmere]

Brandon Sanderson: Nazh was born, as a character and as a concept, out of Isaac annotating maps, and wanting to have somebody... 'Cause Isaac was our original cartographer, been doing the maps ever since Mistborn, of basically all of the Stormlight books, until he started bringing some people in to do some of them.

Not just Stormlight, but all of the Cosmere books.

So if there's a map, or (particularly in the Stormlight books) ephemera, Isaac has had his hands in those, and he likes to add little easter eggs, and he came up with this persona of this character who was doing this. And we knew we wanted these to be in-world artifacts, but we also knew that we needed somebody who was kind of recovering these for some thing, and I'm like, "Well, this works very well with Khriss, probably compiling these and finding artifacts from planets and bringing them back to Silverlight."

And so, that's kind of where Nazh was born. I borrowed him once before for Secret History; he makes a small appearance in Secret History. Larger appearance here. Isaac and I have talked through his history and his future, and as early as years and years ago (probably seven, eight years ago), I'm like, "What about this?"

And that's when Nazh joined Starling's crew in his current incarnation.

Isaac Stewart: I think it was with Alloy of Law where we realized we need somebody annotating some of these, now and then. One of the reasons was, when you're doing a map of a city the size of Elendel, we couldn't really put these tiny street names, and things like that.

So we're like, "Well, we need somebody annotating this." And many things crashing together, but that was one of them.

[rahuratna]

Get that Bread, Sir

Written for the Foodies and Goodies challenge, created by the amazing @tsukimefuku !

Ijichi hummed tunelessly, his fingers tapping out a rhythm on the steering wheel. Today was going to be a relatively stress-free day, a rarity in his line of work. And it was a Monday too. A stress-free Monday … practically unheard of! He owed it all to his overly diligent handling of the paperwork from the missions last week. He’d put in some overtime and managed to complete all outstanding tasks before the end of the day on Friday.

Friday afternoon had seen him exhausted, but happy and accomplished. He’d even managed to enjoy his weekend. And today … well. Nanami had requested his assistance on a mission in a quiet suburb, located an hour away from Shinjuku. The research had been run-of-the-mill and the file he’d compiled was handed over to Nanami with confidence that the information would guide him well.

Now, all he had to do was ensure that Nanami reached each location on time and make sure that the hard working first grade sorcerer had something to eat when he returned to the car. Speaking of which …

Ijichi checked his watch and nodded. It was almost lunch time. Nanami would probably complete his work at the marked location within the hour. It was time to go and buy him a meal.

Setting the car in gear, he pulled away from the kerb and drove slowly through the town centre, searching for any restaurants or seven-elevens that looked promising. Ijichi knew that Nanami preferred sandwiches, but was also partial to most food, provided that the ingredients were of good quality. He exclaimed softly as he spotted a small, but neatly kept deli on the corner, adjoining a bakery to the right. It looked like the perfect place to buy Nanami what he preferred.

Pulling up, he parked and hopped out, glancing up at the awning over the deli. It read “Sugimoto’s Slice of the Day”. The small board standing outside advertised that day’s specials: a pork cutlet sandwich, served with salad and a free coffee, and a baked cheese and corn with a pickled garnish and tea. Ijichi’s mouth watered at the thought of the cheese and corn on a cold day like this. He was also sure that Nanami would appreciate the sandwich.

Tugging slightly as his scarf, Ijichi pushed open the door of the deli, a small bell over the entryway tinkling musically as he made his way in. There were a few people in the shop, and he had obviously missed the lunchtime rush. He ordered his cheese and corn at the counter, turning to browse the shelves as he waited. He found some delicious looking croissants, along with a selection of freshly baked madeleines that he had always been partial to. Searching further, he breathed out a small sigh of relief when he saw that there was still one of the pork cutlet sandwiches left. As much as there were other options, this one looked particularly succulent.

As he reached for the sandwich, the bell over the door rang once again. Someone brushed brusquely past him and snatched the sandwich off the shelf, the same one he had been about to grasp. Ijichi turned, indignant, but the sudden hush that had descended over the store gave him pause. The person who had grabbed the sandwich was a stunning woman in a fitted maroon top and dark jeans, the sparkling diamond earrings she wore offset against her lush raven hair. She was obviously known in the area, because the quiet in the store was quickly broken by whispers and glances in her direction. The woman in question was looking at Ijichi as if he were a worm that had crawled out from under a rock.

“Problem?” she questioned, archly.

Now, Ijichi was normally a well-mannered, placid man who would not court trouble of any kind. Under other circumstances, he may have backed down and exited the store without comment, but there was something about this woman’s manner of speech and the way she looked at him, with that small, mocking smile, that rubbed him the wrong way. Not to mention, Ijichi had had to face down Gojo on a daily basis at work. Whoever this lady was, she certainly wasn’t in the league of the strongest sorcerer of modern times. This fact was what made Ijichi’s posture straighten, and his brows draw together.

“Yes, ma’am, there is a problem.”

She had been half turning away, but his words stopped her in place. Turning to him, one of her perfectly drawn eyebrows raised so high it almost disappeared into her hairline.

“And what, pray tell, may that be?”

“I was about to take that sandwich when you grabbed it. In a very ill-mannered way, might I add. I’d appreciate it if you put that sandwich down.”

She looked at him incredulously.

“Do you know who I am?”

The whispers around them were growing in volume. Ijichi’s mouth drew into a stubborn line.

“No, I’m afraid I don’t.”

The woman uttered a sharp bark of laughter. She didn’t bother responding to Ijichi, merely jerking her head at the burly man who seemed to be her companion. Ijichi noted that the man carried what looked like high-end filming equipment, an expensive video camera in his hand. ‘Muscles’, as Ijichi dubbed him in his mind, turned and shoved his bulk behind the woman, allowing her to progress to the counter unhindered.

Oh no. No, no. Not today.

Ijichi was not quite sure what came over him then. Perhaps it was the fact that they were in a small town which he was not likely to visit again. Perhaps it was the fact that none of the other sorcerers or any of his work colleagues were nearby. Maybe the miso soup he’d eaten for breakfast contained some special ingredient that gave him daring.

Grabbing one of Muscle’s elbows, Ijichi manoeuvred past him with ease, his sorcerer training coming in handy. In the same motion, he snatched the sandwich out of the woman’s hand, giving her no time to protest before he slapped some money down on the counter, grabbed his order of cheese and corn, and dashed out the door.

“Hey! You – “

“What the – “

“Get back here!”

“How dare you! Satou, get him!      

For all their posturing, Ijichi was a lot faster than Muscles, who he now knew as Satou. By the time people had been pushed out of the way and the bakery door slammed open, Ijichi was already behind the wheel, pulling away from the kerb, swinging the steering expertly. In his rearview mirror he saw the woman grab the video camera away from her companion as they clambered into a white van with some kind of mural on the side. He noted that she had lifted the camera, from where she sat in the passenger seat, and seemed to be filming his car.

Oh no, you don’t.

Accelerating away, Ijichi took one hand off the wheel, raising his index and middle finger in front of him.

“Emerge from the darkness, blacker than darkness … “

Of all the jujutsu techniques, summoning a veil was the one that Ijichi was most proficient at. Although not possessing a huge amount of cursed energy, control and manipulation of the little he had had always been his strength. He could manipulate cursed energy to the point that he could make smaller, condensed curtains over objects and people of his choice. He used that ability now to shroud his car, such that any identifying factors would be impossible to record on camera.

Eat that, lady.

The country roads were winding and empty, allowing Ijichi to use his far superior driving skills to navigate the tricky turns and sharp bends with ease. Although his pursuers would probably be far more familiar with the area, they were no match for a Jujutsu Tech assistant determined to leave them in the dust. Ijichi eventually lost them, pulling to a stop in slightly concealed cul-de-sac. He consulted his GPS, nodding in satisfaction when he realised that he was not far from Nanami’s pick up point.

Emerging slowly from the cul-de-sac, Ijichi drove to Nanami’s location. Standing tall and intimidating in his longer-length warm coat, blonde hair gleaming in the winter sun, Nanami cut a distinctive figure standing on the sidewalk. Ijichi hoped that nobody would connect their arrival in town with the … incident.

Seeing the car, Nanami raised a hand and approached, clambering into the back seat. He exhaled heavily and worked the tension out of his neck.

“Successful mission, Nanami?”

“Yes. No issues. All targets at the location have been exorcised.”

Succinct as always, Nanami relaxed into the cushioned seat with a sigh and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Having known the man for this long, Ijichi knew that there was only one thing that could fix that fatigue. He was one of the very few who was privy to the sight of Nanami surrounded by breads and snacks of various kinds, the chiselled, angular face bulging slightly at the cheeks like a hamster as the sorcerer helped himself to the things that made him most happy.  

Contrary to the stoic and cold demeanour Nanami showed most others, he was kind and generous with many things, including his food. He would often share with Ijichi and had even remembered all of Ijichi’s favourites. This was why Ijichi had gone through such lengths to procure that sandwich today. This man, of all sorcerers, was worth the effort. Reaching for the parcel in the passenger seat, he handed the wrapped sandwich to Nanami.  

“Here you go. It’s a pork cutlet sandwich, with salad. There’s also coffee in the cup holder and some croissants. Still warm!”

“Ah, thank you.”

It was extremely subtle, but Nanami perked up immediately and unwrapped the sandwich, taking a large bite followed by a quick, satisfied sip from the coffee cup. Ijichi smiled and put the car in gear once again, heading for the interchange that would lead them back to Tokyo.

“Have you eaten, Ijichi?”

“Err … not yet. I’m not that hungry. I’ve got something for myself though, so I’ll warm it up at the next stop.”

He couldn’t exactly let Nanami know his reasons for wanting to book it out of that town as soon as possible.

____________________________________________________

Of course, things never worked out that smoothly for him.

Somehow, the story reached even a few news sources in Tokyo. The strange tale of the well-known morning magazine show host, Maeda Yoshino, who had been robbed of her sandwich by a mysterious dark-suited man. What drew the audience in wasn’t so much the bread snatching, but the fact that on the recorded footage, the car had been obscured by a dark cloud that was shaped suspiciously like a raised middle finger.

Yoshino and her assistant had insisted that they hadn’t seen such a cloud surrounding the car during the chase, but had never closed the gap enough to take the registration number. Yoshino appeared on TV, indignantly describing how the man had grabbed the last speciality pork cutlet sandwich right out of her hand.  

Ijichi tried his best to avoid Nanami at work, knowing full well that the wily sorcerer would take no time at all to figure the situation out. It appeared that he had not been entirely successful there either. Coming in to work one morning, he paused as he noted a parcel on his desk. Opening it, he found a beautifully prepared pork cutlet sandwich with a note stuck to the packaging.

Next time, we’ll just go for yakiniku.

Nanami.

@strawberry1042 @darkfaerietails @Jay220a @fattybattysblog @suguru-nugget @senseifupa @aleigant @gigiculona

[nightghoul381]

Ellis Twilight ~ Main Route Chapter 6

Disclaimer for route warnings | Masterlist

Additional Content Warnings: This Chapter contains depictions of murder and several mentions of blood

This a fan translation so it is definitely not 100% accurate. I do not own anything related to Ikemen Villains. Support Cybird by buying their amazing stories!

Part 1

William: “We’ve received new information from Alfons regarding the kidnapping incidents.”

Jude: “Can ya wait til later? I’m busy right now.”

Seemingly irritated, Jude answered without looking up from his documents.

William: “Oh, here I thought I remembered that you were particularly proactive when it came to cases of human trafficking and kidnapping, Jude.”

Jude: “…”

Since Jude decided to ignore William, Ellis spoke up instead.

Ellis: “What’s the new information?”

Alfons: “I heard that a friend of mine is going to be meeting with someone tomorrow night who’s said to be the ringmaster of that stupid circus.”

Kate: “Wha!?”

Unaware of Alfons sneaking up behind me, I couldn’t help but scream aloud when he whispered in my ear.

Alfons: “Aha! What a wonderful reaction. Are your ears sensitive?”

Ellis: “No, Al. Quit playing with Kate.”

Alfons: “Fufu, scolded by the bodyguard.”

(Alfons is another person that I can never tell what he’s thinking… I have to be careful.)

I regained my composure, sat back in my chair, and listened to William’s explanation.

Kate: “The ringmaster… but you said the circus had disbanded, right?”

William: “Aah. Isn’t it strange?”

The self-righteous King's blood-red eyes narrowed in amusement as he talked about the incident.

William: “It is certain that the ‘ringmaster’ has important information regarding the mastermind behind the kidnapping.”

William: “I don’t know if the ‘ringmaster’ is the one in charge or if there is someone behind him.”

Alfons: “It would be appropriate to capture the leader alive and interrogate him.”

Alfons: “I’ve also got all the information on where they’ll meet. I’m very skilled aren’t I?”

Alfons smiled, giving off a sultry, sweet air.

William: “I’d like you three to go to that place tomorrow. Please?”

Ellis: “Okay.”

Ellis nodded, as casually as if he’d just been invited to a picnic.

Jude: “Tch…You got the information, didn’t ya? You go.”

Alfons: “I’m afraid I’m not good when it comes to restraining, interrogations, or hand-to-hand combat. I’m sensitive.”

Ellis: “So—”

Ellis: “Can I kill anyone that's not the leader?”

A dark voice instantly drowned out the lively exchange between Jude and Alfons.

(--)

A shiver ran down my spine.

I’m sure I’ve heard that phrase before.

Startled by the disturbing words that came from Ellis’ lips, I couldn’t help but look up at him.

William: “—Ah, I don’t mind.”

William: “If you decide it’s necessary, there’s no reason to stop you.”

William: “Be true to your evil.”

Ellis: “Understood.”

Part 2

William: “Be true to your evil.”

Ellis: “Understood.”

I felt like I had gotten used to encountering chaos.

(But that’s…)

(Only because Jude and Ellis didn’t take the lives of people who would attack them out of personal grudges.)

When I realized this, I discovered that my work as ‘fairytale keeper’ to record their sins had not even begun.

(That’s just how it was until now.)

(With Crown’s mission of ‘conquering evil with evil’… That may not be the case.)

Ellis: “You don’t have to worry about anything Kate.”

Ellis: “I’ll protect you.”

*******************Choices*********************

1. …Thank you.

2. I have to protect myself

**3. Please be careful too, Ellis.  +4 +4 **

*************************************************

Kate: “Please be careful too, Ellis.”

Ellis: “Me? … fufu, thank you.”

Ellis: “It’s kind of refreshing to have you worry about me at a time like this.”

I think it’s only natural that he would be heartbroken if he was made to kill someone, because he was kind and cared deeply about the happiness of others.

(…I hope that Ellis can complete this mission without having to kill anyone.)

--Then, late at night the next day.

The woman who is said to be a friend of Alfons, has bright red hair.

Without noticing she was being followed, she walked into a small, deserted bar.

The storefront is old and desolate, and looks like it’s been long since abandoned.

Kate: “…Should we also go inside?”

Ellis: “In that small, deserted store, we’d likely be noticed as soon as we entered…”

(But if there’s another exit, we might lose track of her…)

As I was waiting anxiously, I imagined various different things,

But despite my concern, the woman soon came out of the building.

(That was… a lot faster than I thought.)

Redhead woman: “I’m not going to do it after all, I though it would be good to follow my dreams, but… it seems like too much for me.”

The woman called out to the person in the store and started walking down the dark street.

Kate: “Looks like the recruitment failed…”

Jude: “…”

Jude quickly turns and enters the building.

Ellis also took a step forward and I was about to follow suit--.

Ellis: “Ah.”

Ellis looked to the woman who was leaving and raised his voice.

Kate: “Ellis? What is it—”

When I look beyond his line of sight…

Redhead woman: “Ngh! Ghh…!”

A thick arm protruded from the back alley and grabbed her.

It happened so quickly—

Immediately after, her figured disappeared, as if swallowed by the darkness.

(The kidnapper!?)

Part 3

(The kidnapper!?)

Ellis: “…”

Before I could think about anything, Ellis ran after her.

I was contemplating whether to head to the store or to the alleyway—

Kate: “…!”

I ran out into the alley after Ellis, only a step behind.

When I reached the back of the alley-- I saw multiple men surrounding the woman and trying to restrain her while covering her mouth.

(What is this…!)

Ellis: “Are you the kidnappers?”

A man who looks like a kidnapper: “…!”

His stern eyes fixed on Ellis and then on me behind him.

A man who looks like a kidnapper: “—Women are worth money, keep ‘em alive. Kill the bastard.”

At the command of the man who seems to be the leader, men rush toward us.

Kate: “Gh…”

I swallowed back the scream that was about to burst out and strained my stomach.

(Ah, what, I need some kind of weapon…!)

I immediately picked up a deck brush that was leaning against a wall in the back alley and held it—

Ellis’ hand gently stopped me.

Ellis: “Kate, stay here.”

Ellis kicks off the ground.

(Ah--)

--The next moment blood was spraying everywhere.

When Ellis approached, the men fell to the ground one after another, like a puppet with its strings cut.

(…a knife…?)

Gazing into the darkness, I finally noticed that his hand was holding a black-bladed knife.

The black-blade moved as if swimming through the darkness, easily snatching away lives.

And yet… Ellis had the same expression on his face as usual.

(Is that really Ellis…?)

He was kind and offered a helping hand to anyone,

But right now, in front of my eyes, he was killing people emotionlessly and I can’t help but watch…

I just stared at him in shock, still clutching the deck brush.

Ellis: “…I guess that’s everyone.”

After killing everyone before they had a chance to scream, Ellis looked back at me in a pool of blood.

The feeling of discomfort that I’d been turning a blind eye to for a long time began creeping up again.

“—Shall we kill her?”

Ellis: “Kate…?”

Kate: “Eh…Ah.”

Ellis: “Your face is pale… Are you okay?”

Sheathing his knife, Ellis walked up to me.

The moment his hand reached out, my body trembled.

(…)

Ellis: “…”

Part 4

The moment his hand reached out, my body trembled.

(…)

Ellis: “…”

For a moment, his hands looked like they were stained with blood, but they turned out to be clean without even a single drop of blood to be seen.

It’s a chilling sign of familiarity with the crime.

Ellis: “…I’m sorry. You’re scared.”

He gently lowered his hands, not touching me.

Ellis: “I should have asked you to keep your eyes closed so you wouldn’t have to see it.”

His eyes, like the sky at dusk, are full of worry and concern for me.

Ellis seemed to understand that this was a frightening scene.

That confused me even more.

(Ellis, are you okay?)

Kate: “Um, what… what about the woman?”

Ellis: “Hmm, she’s fine… I think she’s just passed out.”

Jude: “Tch… Ya killed everyone?”

Ellis: “Jude. What about the store?”

Slipping past me and Ellis,

Jude walked over to a corpse and inspected it coldly.

Jude: “When I came in, he’d already escaped in a horse-drawn carriage from the back door. He’s quick to run.”

Jude: “Jeez, let at least one of ‘em live. Otherwise I can’t interrogate ‘em.”

Ellis: “Sorry. He said as long as we didn’t kill the leader I would be fine…Also.”

Ellis: “He was trying to harm Kate.”

Jude: “…”

(Then, this tragic situation…)

(This happened because I followed you, Ellis--)

Ellis: “… It’s okay now, Kate.”

Ellis smiles kindly at me.

But I… couldn’t smile back at him smiling in the pool of blood.

Jude carried the attacked woman and took her to the town doctor.

Alfons will find out about the situation later from his friends.

We then headed back to the castle.

Kate: “…”

Step by step, I proceeded down the hallway.

I was still in shock at witnessing someone die up close.

My legs were still shaking, I was unable to accept that it was Ellis who had done all of this.

Ellis: “…”

While escorting me to my room, Ellis kept a little distance from me out of concern.

Ellis: “We’re here, Kate.”

When I looked up, Ellis was smiling a little sadly—

Part 5

Ellis: “We’re here, Kate.”

When I looked up, Ellis was smiling a little sadly—

As I was about to say “thank you” to him for escorting me to my room, I suddenly realized something important.

(Ellis protected me… And I still haven’t even thanked him for that yet.)

Kate: “About earlier… Thank you for protecting me, Ellis.”

Ellis: “No. It’s my job to escort you, Kate.”

Ellis: “But, this time I failed…”

The darkness of his voice is filled with regret.

Ellis: “If you hadn’t seen that, you would be happier.”

Ellis: “I already knew you were a hard worker and that you would push yourself even if you were scared.”

Ellis: “I should have said, “You follow Jude” before going into the alley.”

(Ellis…)

Ellis: “Next time, I’ll be careful not to kill someone in front of you.”

(Only in front of me… then what about when I’m not around?)

Kate: “…Ellis…!”

I immediately grabbed Ellis’ palm as he tried to leave.

(I can’t believe that a person who can relate to someone’s fear and pain and say such words would not be hurt by killing someone…)

Kate: “Ellis…Aren’t you having a hard time…?”

Ellis: “…”

My gaze met Ellis’ and his eyes widened in wonder.

As we stared at each other, for some reason the surprise disappeared from his eyes.

Ellis: “Ah… I see.”

Ellis: “I thought you were just scared of me.”

Ellis: “You were worried that I was hurt, so you made that face…”

Ellis: “…You’re so kind, Kate.”

He smiled softly at me, and my heart tightened.

Ellis: “If I say it like this, I might scare you again.”

Ellis: “It’s not that painful, so don’t worry.”

Kate: “…Really?”

Ellis: “Yeah, really… See, my hands aren’t shaking like yours.”

(Even when I asked “Are you going to kill me?”)

(Even when you killed so many people just now… you didn’t hesitate.)

(Is it because you’re doing a job ‘for someone’?)

Ellis is a person who makes people happy.

A person who spreads happiness and considers the joy of others as his own.

For that purpose—he was also someone who was willing to get his hands dirty.

(But… Will Ellis be happy in the end?)

(What about your own happiness, Ellis--?)

With the rising emotions, my hand holding Ellis’ gripped tighter.

Kate: “…Hot milk.”

Ellis: “Eh…?”

Kate: “My body is cold… don’t you sleep better after drinking it?”

Ellis: “…”

After his surprise, Ellis’ eyes gently softened as usual.

Ellis: “I’d like that.”

Ellis: “In the middle of the night, I actually like hot milk with butter and sugar.”

Ellis whispered this happily.

His smile was so disjointed from the cruel scene from earlier, it made my heart hurt even more.

(For others… Even for someone he just met, like me… Ellis pours out everything—)

(I want to make Ellis happy too.)

Chapter 6 His Side Story | Next Chapter

[penisbilt]

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

[orcelito]

Having lost my cat, my uncle, my great grandmother, my grandma's best friend (& one of the people who helped raise me), AND my dad all within the span of 9 months,

I have little sympathy for people who use deaths as an excuse to be an asshole. I get it, it sucks. Get the fuck over it. Your grief is not an excuse to treat others like shit. What the fuck.

[straydogged]

now I'm 26 and it doesn't feel right at all

[noxtivagus]

philo class asking what we imagine our lives 10 years from now 🤯

[fuckyeahisawthat]

Controversial opinion among Dune book fans maybe, but I loved the changes they made to Chani's character. Making her a fedaykin who is already an experienced fighter before Paul arrives was a brilliant choice. Dune Part Two is a war movie, and this puts her at the center of the action, side by side with Paul, and gives her a much more active role than she has in the book.

We got a hint of where things were going in the beginning of Dune Part One. The first thing we ever know about movie Chani is that she's a fighter. She serves as a voice for the Fremen, telling us the story of their struggle from her point of view. I wrote here about the difference this change makes compared to other adaptations of Dune, what a perspective shift it is to have the world of Arrakis introduced not by an outsider, describing it as a dangerous but valuable colonial prize, but by one of its native inhabitants, who tells us before all else that it's beautiful, her home that she's fighting to liberate. I am so, so glad that the second movie followed up on this characterization.

I never found Chani and Paul's love story in the book particularly convincing, because why would this woman, who already has a prominent and respected place in Fremen society, even give the time of day to her deposed would-be colonizer, let alone fall in love and have children with him? Without a compelling reason for Chani to love Paul, she ends up feeling like a prize to be won, and "indigenous culture personified as a woman to be wooed (or conquered) by the colonizing man" is a trope we've seen and don't need to repeat.

But as soon as you tell me it's a barricade romance I get it. Cool cool cool, I know exactly what this relationship is now and it makes sense. Movie Chani doesn't respect or even particularly like Paul when she first meets him, and she doesn't think he's the fulfillment of any prophecy. She comes to respect him, and eventually love him, through his actions. He's brave--sometimes recklessly so. He fights well. He's willing to stick his neck out on the front lines with the other Fremen fighters. He can (after a little help) hack surviving in the harsh desert environment. He's not too proud to learn from others. He seems to genuinely want to be her equal in a common political struggle. All these qualities make sense as things she values.

Fighting side by side as equals is just about the only way I can see movie Chani falling for Paul. And it fits perfectly with the film's pattern of reversals that Paul's capacity for violence would initially be one of the things Chani likes about him, only for her to be repelled later when she sees what he becomes.

And as for Paul, well, he's had people deferring to him his entire life. Someone who doesn't take any shit from him is probably refreshing. He seems to like people (Duncan, Gurney) who challenge him and engage in a little friendly teasing--and aren't afraid to go a few rounds in the sparring ring.

It's easy to speedrun a romance when you're spending all your time together in mortal danger fighting for a shared political cause. Especially if you then start winning in a war your people have been fighting for decades. Are you kidding me? That is the perfect environment for intense battle camaraderie to turn into romantic love, and lust.

It makes sense that this version of Chani never believes Paul is any kind of messiah. Of course a character like movie Chani wouldn't believe in or trust some outside savior to liberate them. She's been working to liberate her own people for years. The more Paul invokes the messianic myth, the more he starts sounding once again like someone who plans to rule over them, and the more uncomfortable Chani becomes. In this way she becomes a foil to Jessica, the two of them representing the choices Paul is pulled between. It's a great way of externalizing the political and philosophical debates that often happen within characters' heads in the book.

And of course this version of Chani would leave Paul at the end of the film. It's not just the personal, emotional betrayal--although that stings. What common cause does she have with someone who just declared himself emperor and is sending her own people off in a war of conquest against others? Given the important role she plays in Dune Messiah, I am super curious to see how they get her back into the story, but girl was so valid for being willing to just gtfo. Given that she has the last shot of the whole movie, I'm sure she'll be back somehow, and I can't wait to see what they do with her character in any future installments.

[rose-pearls]

The perils of love

Summary: being in love with Luke seemed to be a bad idea as you realise that he doesn't seem to be interested. But as you get ready to move on from love entirely your father decides to appear and two people fall for you.

Main Taglist : @avada-kedavra-bitch-187, @nyx2021, @thestarspangledcaptain, @kmc1989 (open)

Part 2

Luke Castellan, everyone knew him at camp either for his sword skills or just his kind smiles for every camper that walked into the Hermes cabin. You had fallen for him the moment you met him, sweet brown eyes and a kind smile had you into a puddle. 

You had been twelve, wandering around the Hermes cabin, waiting desperately for your parent to claim you but the days went by, and you still were there. The little girls crush however didn’t went by but grew stronger every day you saw the boy who slowly turned into a man that had all the girls going crazy over him.  

He had been kind to you but there was always a look that you couldn’t decipher, until today that was.

“So, where is your number one fan Luke?”, you hear Chris say in a teasing tone and after a moment you hear Chris say your name, as if to make it clear it was you. 

“I don’t know and frankly I don’t have the time to care right now,” Luke says after letting out a sigh, but you felt your chest tighten at the words. Chris snorts at the words and you don’t expect what he says next.

“You know that there is a betting pool as to when the both of you are going to date,” you don’t know how Luke reacts, as you are practically one with the wall, but you hear him snort.

“Please, she is a sweet girl, but I would never date her. I don’t know how to explain it but sometimes she can just be a little-”, he seems to be trying to find his words and as you wait for it you feel tears brimming in your eyes at his previous statement.

“Clingy? I mean she is practically everywhere you are.”, the words are like a bullet to your heart, particularly when you hear Luke agree.

“I know right, I mean I know that she is still part of the Hermes cabin as she hasn’t been claimed yet but still,” you try to blink the tears away, not willing to cry as you hear the words being said by the man you had always looked up to. 

“Maybe she will never be claimed, I mean after three years,” Chris says, and you can hear the grimace in his voice, he says it with such carelessness as if you haven’t been thinking about the same thing every night for the past three years, wondering what was wrong with you.

“We’ll see what happens I guess, but maybe it would be good for her to be in another cabin,” Luke says, he looks like he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore, but Chris adds one last phrase to their conversation.

“Or better for you,” there is a quiet hum of agreement and that is the only thing you need before leaving the cabin quietly, the book that you had come for quickly forgotten.

You knew it was pitiful, the fact that they all seemed to know that you liked the Hermes boy and that they all pitied you for it. Because in the end the boy would never go for you, he had a hundred girls waiting for him and yet here you were hoping for the impossible.

Tears are brimming in your eyes, but you quickly brush them away, not wanting to cry after what had happened, you needed to be strong now. It was time for you to get over that stupid crush and get on with your life, maybe if you trained more your godly parent would finally recognize you and claim you.

“What are you doing here all alone?”, you suddenly hear someone say behind you and you turn around to find Annabeth looking at you with worried eyes.

“Thinking, the lake always seems to sooth me,” you say, the words coming a bit weaker than you intended them too. The girl simply nods at your words before sitting down next to you.

“What about you?”, you quietly ask her, and she lets out a sigh.

“Needed to get out a little bit, I can only strategise so much before going crazy,” she says with a small smile, and you can’t help but smile at her words.

“I’m sure your strategy will be incredible, as always,” you tell her and she simply nods, looking too far into her thoughts.

“Chiron is thinking of splitting up the Hermes cabin,” she suddenly says, and you turn to look at her in surprise.

“Really? How so?”, you can’t help but ask, wondering if this is maybe your chance to get a bit away from a certain Hermes boy.

“He thinks that the unclaimed children and children of minor gods should get the chance to chose in which team they want to be,” she looks conflicted, and you can understand why, this could mean less people for the blue team, her team.

“It seems like a kind gesture,” you can’t help but say and Annabeth nods in agreement.

“It is, although he could’ve said it sooner, now we all need to find a different strategy and we are going crazy with figuring out who will be on our team,” she seems overwhelmed, and you can’t help but put your hand on her shoulder trying to calm her down.

“Hey, calm down it will all be alright,” you tell her, and she takes a deep breath before slowly nodding in agreement.

“I know, I just don’t want to lose,” she says with a pout, and you can finally see the twelve-year-old she really is, that childlike excitement at the thought of capture the flag.

The both of you are deep in thought before her voice breaks the silence, her voice small as she talks.

“Which team are you choosing?”, it was probably a valid question to ask, you were unclaimed so you could technically choose which team to be on, but you just couldn’t get the previous conversation you had heard out of your head.

“The fact that you aren’t saying anything makes me think that you are going to go on the red team,” it seems like she is trying to tease you but there is some sort of hurt woven into her words.

“Don’t take it personally,” you can’t help but say, as much as you would’ve liked staying on the blue team you just couldn’t bear to be that close to Luke after what you had heard. You didn’t know what you would be doing tonight as you were sleeping in the same cabin as always, but he wouldn’t pay attention to you not unless you went to him.

“Did something happened with Luke?”, the carefully asked question makes you look at Annabeth with wide eyes, she had an understanding look in her eyes and you couldn’t help but curse the fact that she was Athena’s daughter.

“Nothing happened, I just realised that maybe I should get to know other people and that maybe it would get me out of my comfort zone,” there are a lot of things unsaid, Annabeth knows it too. Luckily, she doesn’t know of the conversation you had heard, or the fact that the words had cut you deeper than you could’ve ever thought they would. 

“You should probably tell Chiron and the red team, I heard that they were planning a strategy evening to talk about what they were going to do tomorrow,” you try to find anger in Annabeth’s eyes but there is only understanding and a lingering sadness that seems to disappear as you get up.

“Good idea, I will be doing that right now. Good luck on the strategy and don’t drive yourself crazy Annabeth you will do great,” you tell her, and a sweet smile appears on her lips as she nods slowly making you smile at her.

“Don’t be a stranger!”, she yells as you are about to leave, and you turn around to smile at her.

“I won’t!”, she looks reassured at the words before turning back to the water, leaving you to go towards Chiron office. 

--

“A little birdie told me you were on the red team,” you hear someone say and turn around to find Clarisse smirking at you.

“Would that little birdie be Chiron?”, you ask, feeling breathless after trying to stab the dummy about a hundredth time with your sword.

“I don’t reveal my sources princess,” she says with a smirk while you feel your cheeks heat up, you tell yourself it’s because of the work out you just did.

“We have a meeting tonight, after dinner at the Ares cabin,” she says while looking around the rink before picking up a sword.

“I’ll be there,” you tell her, expecting the girl to leave you alone but she just comes closer to you.

“After that there is a movie night and a sleepover, one of the Aphrodite kids managed to convince Chiron to allow it,” the words leave you confused for a moment, how would you even have a movie night with all these people.

“Only a few people are invited for that part,” she clarifies, and you feel breathless at the sight of her warm brown eyes, seemingly forgetting about other brown eyes.

“How come I am invited?”, you can’t help but ask, wondering why the Ares girl suddenly seemed sweet to you when she was practically attacking anyone else. 

“Don’t ask too many questions or you’ll be uninvited princess,” the nickname rolls of her tongue in a way that makes your cheeks go red, once again.

“Fine I’ll stop asking questions and just come with my pajama’s,” you tell her, and a satisfied grin makes his way on her lips.

“Good, now back to serious stuff you were holding your sword the wrong way,” she says like it’s a fact, as if she was pointing out that the sky was blue.

“No, I wasn’t!”, you can’t help but say looking at her with wide eyes.

“Yes, it is, let me help you fix it. I need the best people on my team after all,” you get ready to object but as you feel her get behind you putting her hand over yours on the sword to put your hand correctly you find yourself speechless.

The next hour is spent fighting against each other, but you can’t stop laughing as Clarisse tells you stories of her siblings to try and distract you, which ultimately works as you often end up on your ass. You don’t even seem to notice another pair of brown eyes looking at you, farther away, brows furrowed as he looks at the scene in front of him.

--

“Welcome to the exclusive sleepover,” you hear a soft voice say and you turn around to find Silena smiling kindly at you, two glasses in her hands before giving one to you.

“Thank you, guess they really were exclusive as I had never heard of them before,” you say, feeling a bit nervous as you look around the room only to find Clarisse in a heated discussion with another Aphrodite girl.

“Clarisse only invites people that she trusts or likes, which isn’t many, but she does cares for them,” Silena smiles at the Ares girl in front of you and you can’t help but do the same, Clarisse always seemed to be angry but in that moment, she seemed far more softer.

“I’m glad she trusts me,” you say, somehow missing the look Silena gives you, a look of confusion as you seem to have missed her clue on Clarisse liking you.

Clarisse had always been discrete about it, but Silena had caught her looking at you far too often to not know about it. Her fingers always seemed to itch when you were sword fighting, as if she was itching to get your posture right and to be able to touch you even for just a few seconds. You only had eyes for the Castellan boy, or it seemed that way until yesterday when Chiron told them that you would be on their team. Silena didn’t ask much of her mother but in that moment, she couldn’t help but ask her mother for help to get the both of you together. Clarisse deserved her happy ending and you deserved someone who would love you for who you were.

She gets woken from her thoughts as she hears Clarisse talking to you, there is a nervousness in her gestures as she pushes her hair behind her ear, but you don’t seem to realize it as you recount a story. Silena quietly gets up from her spot, and sends and encouraging look towards Clarisse, who seems a bit more at ease now. 

--

Capture the flag is a mess, more than the last time but you try not to let your mind wander too long. A boy that you think is from the Hephaestus cabin runs towards you and you sigh in annoyance before starting to fight against him, quickly ‘killing’ him and making him surrender. 

You had been tasked with trying to find the blue flag, but it seemed as if Annabeth had found a really good spot this time, and she had put more people in defense. After a while you wondered if you had the wrong hunch until you saw something blue flickering in the reflection of your sword. As you turned to look behind you, you saw the blue flag but weirdly there was no one around it.

“This feels like a trap,” you can’t help but whisper under your breath as you try to hide behind the bushes but a blade against your neck makes you stop in your steps.

“Sorry, but I need to do this,” you hear someone say and you turn around to find a sheepish Percy looking at you.

“Hi Percy,” you say with a kind smile and the boy smiles back, looking reassured that you aren’t mad or swinging your sword at him.

“How are you doing?”, you can’t help but ask, you hadn’t seen him since he had been claimed by Poseidon, but the boy seemed healthy.

“Good, well as good as you can when you learn that your father is one of the big three’s and that your life will be a hellhole,” he says with a roll of his eyes, and you can’t help but snort.

“Still as sarcastic I see,” you can’t help but say while laughing and a sheepish grin forms itself on his lips.

“Can’t help it,” he says while shrugging his shoulders.

“It’s a shame you aren’t on our team,” he says quietly, and you smile softly, the two of you had talked a lot when he had arrived, and you felt close to him.

“Maybe next time,” you tell him and the boy smiles at the answer before asking you a question and the two of you talk for a moment before you hear a battle cry and see the red team suddenly making their way in the clearing, the blue team also appearing.

Percy and you look at each other with wide eyes before you take out your sword.

“If you don’t say anything about this, I won’t say anything,” Percy nods quickly and the both of you break away from the tree you were behind before joining your team as Percy joins his.

An Apollo girl comes running towards you, but you quickly manage to disarm her, others following behind her, but you are in such a haze that you don’t realize how close you are getting to the flag. That is until you are met with a familiar blade, Luke’s. 

The boy is looking at you, slightly out of breath from the fighting just like you.

“You can always abandon now sweetheart,” he says and can’t help but blush slightly at the familiar nickname. 

“No chance Castellan, give me your worst,” this seems to make the boy laugh before he quickly wields his swords, yours clashing against his in familiar movements. You had fought many times against Luke as he had taught you how to fight but you had a new trick up your sleeve that Clarisse had taught you. She had told you that his left leg was his weakness, a bruise that had never really fully recovered. 

So, when the opportunity presents itself, you wield your sword against his left leg, making sure not to hurt him too much. But as you hit the spot Luke winces in pain and his sword leaves his hand. You don’t think at that point and simply continue straight to the flag, whispering a soft ‘sorry’ as you go to the Hermes boy.

You manage to take the flag before seeing Percy coming towards you with his sword, you expect the hit, but he seems transfixed, looking at something above you. There is a loud silence, on a battlefield that was filled with battle cries just a second ago.

Chiron’s voice suddenly comes up, suddenly saying your name.

“Daughter of Zeus, king of the gods,” the rest of his words are lost as you look up, only to see the symbol of Zeus above your head, your father’s symbol.

You didn’t know how to feel, you had been waiting for so long but now that it was happening you just felt lost. Why was he claiming you right now?

“Congratulations! Seems like we are cousins now,” you suddenly hear Percy say, he has a bright smile on his lips, but there is also sadness in his eyes. It takes you a few seconds to understand why, you were now a child of the big three, which meant your life was about to be a hellhole as Percy had said.

“Always though there was something familiar between the two of us,” you try to say in a teasing tone, but it falls flat, Percy nodding in understanding.

As you turn around to look at the rest of the camp you see Luke looking at you with wide brown eyes, as if he was seeing you for the first time. You turn your gaze towards Clarisse who is looking at you with a proud smile and something else that you can’t quite understand.

There was surely a lot of trouble coming but not the one you were expecting, it would be far more complicated than monsters or a father that decided to appear after fifteen years. Matters of the heart were after all the most complicated of all, particularly between a daughter of Zeus, a daughter of Ares and a son of Hermes. 

[rebeccathenaturalist]

Welcome to my Tuesday morning PSA about plastics!

So--I was walking along the Bolstadt beach approach sidewalk here in Long Beach, WA yesterday afternoon, and I started seeing these little orange pellets on the ground that looked a little bit like salmon roe (but probably weren't). So I picked one up, and it was most definitely rubber. I went around picking up every one I could find, and while I didn't keep exact count I probably amassed 50-60 of them. I took this picture before depositing them in the nearest trash can.

These are airsoft gun pellets, and you can buy them in big jars containing thousands of them. That means that someone who decided that the beach was a great place to shoot their airsoft guns could easily litter the place with countless little bits of plastic rubber in less than an hour. We already have a huge problem here with people leaving trash, including tiny bits of plastic, all over the beach (you should see the gigantic mess after 4th of July fireworks when thousands of people come in from out of town, blow things up, and then leave again without picking up after themselves.)

But these airsoft pellets have a particularly nasty side effect. You know how my first thought was "wow, those look kind of like salmon roe?" Well, we have a number of opportunistic omnivore birds like crows, ravens, and several species of gull that commonly scavenge on the beach, especially along the approaches because people often feed them there. If I can catch the resemblance of an orange airsoft pellet to a fish egg, then chances are there are wildlife that will assume they're edible.

Since birds don't chew their food, they probably won't notice that the taste or texture is wrong--it'll just go down the hatch. And since they can't digest the pellets, there's a good chance they might just build up in the bird's digestive system, especially if the bird eats a large number of them--say, fifty or sixty of them dropped on the ground along the same fifty foot stretch of sidewalk. The bird might die of starvation if there's not enough capacity for food in their stomach--or they might just die painfully of an impacted gut, and no way to get help for it. If the pellets end up washed into the ocean, you get the same issue with fish and other marine wildlife eating them, and then of course the pellets eventually breaking up into microplastic particles.

You can get biodegradable airsoft pellets; they appear to mainly be gray or white in color rather than bright screaming orange and green. But "biodegradable" doesn't mean "instantly dissolves the next time it rains." An Amazon listing for Aim Green biodegradable airsoft pellets advertise them as "Our biodegradable BBs are engineered to degrade only with long-term exposure to water and sun and will degrade 180 days after being used." That's half a year for them to be eaten by wildlife.

I don't know, y'all. That handful of carelessly dropped rubber pellets just encapsulates how much people don't factor in the rest of nature when making decisions, even on something that is purely for entertainment like an airsoft gun. We could have had a lot of the same technological advances we have today, but with much less environmental impact, if we had considered the long-term effects on both other people and other living beings, as well as our habitats. We could have found ways from the beginning to make these things in ways that benefited us but also mitigated any harm as much as possible. Instead we're now having to reverse-engineer things we've been using for decades, and sometimes--like the "biodegradable" airsoft pellets--they still have a significant negative impact.

But--at least there are people trying to do things better, thinking ahead instead of just on immediate profit. We're stuck in a heck of a mess here, figuratively and literally, and changing an entire system can't be done in a day. Maybe we can at least keep pushing for a cultural shift that emphasizes planning far into the future--if not the often-cited "seven generations ahead", then at least throughout the potential lifespan of a given product.

[l0vergirls]

just a little something that's been on my mind for a while now, like it's actually rotting my brain.

cw: stalking, a bit nsfw near the end, just general yandere stuff, not proof-read!!!!! so sorry if its a bit messy !!!!

★ (romantic) yandere!batfam x reader

imagine being the shared darling of the batfam.

it only takes one of them for the rest to fall in love with you, too.

let's say you meet tim during one of the days he actually decides to go to class, and he's thanking the heavens he did.

slowly, he starts to integrate himself into your daily life, and into your friend group. they all love him, of course. who wouldn't love the kind, funny, and handsome tim drake?

during all of this, he'd already told his brothers about you, and because they can't hide anything from bruce, he finds out about you too. unsurprisingly, they come to appreciate you as much as tim has.

and suddenly, you get a particularly handsome new neighbour in the apartment across from you (which you didn't know was even up for rent) and somehow always seems to be in the middle of stripping when you're home. almost as if he can feel your eyes on him. of course, you make sure not to get caught, and avert your eyes as soon as the cloth leaves his waist.

later, you find out his name is jason, and make a good friend out of him. he smokes on his balcony, while you drink coffee on yours.

barely a week after that, you get a new regular at the café you work at. his name's dick grayson. he says it's probably best for you to yell out his last name for his orders too. he's a detective, which explains the late nights he comes into the café. he's always got a stupidly handsome smile on his face, which only adds onto his neverending charm.

and during the occasion that you're walking home alone, you always seem to run into one of the many vigilantes that guard gotham.

you meet both batman and robin during one of your walks home. you're not scared of them, as most people are; you're merely fascinated at the tall figure that towers over you, and his more colourful counterpart that is also taller than you. robin seems to be just a couple years younger than you. and batman... you can't seem to get a read on the man.

you greet them both as calmly as you can, a small smile on your lips. you get nods of acknowledgment from both of them, which you suppose is the most you're getting.

batman doesn't seem to like that you're walking alone, so he sends robin to walk you home. you don't understand why, and you tell them you've walked this route many times already, that they probably have worse things to take care of.

he tells you that you can never be too sure in gotham. with the way he says it, in that gravelly tone, you can't find yourself to disagree.

on your walk, now with robin's company, you feel safer. you also find out this robin is a man of few words, very unlike the last few robins yet much like batman.

the next night, you run into red robin, who has an air of familiarity around him. he's real friendly— in fact, it's almost like talking to a friend. you think you've seen his smile before.

the night after that, you meet nightwing in all of his spandex-clad glory. he's charming, almost flirty.

and for a week, you don't bump into any of the vigilantes, but you do feel watched. you should be frightened, by all means, but you have a feeling deep in your stomach that tells you they won't hurt you. whoever they are.

you see red hood after that week. he's the more intimidating one of the bunch, you reckon. you've nothing to be scared of, knowing he (along with all the others) only goes after the real awful people. you're not guilty of anything, as far as you know.

his voice is almost robotic, as if being run through a voice changer. it doesn't do much to help his image, though you suppose that's the point. he asks what a little thing like you is doing walking around these parts. you say you're just heading home, like all the times you've met one of them.

he lets you on his motorcycle. if you were paying enough attention, maybe you would've felt his heart beating a mile a minute.

your days go on like this for a while. class, work, walk home with one of gotham's protectors. rinse and repeat.

unbeknownst to you, cameras have been planted all around your apartment. in many angles of your bedroom too, save for your bathroom. they've decided to give you privacy in there. no matter how much dick begged.

though they do have clips saved of you walking around in just a towel, or your underwear. god knows what they're doing with those.

but truly, can you blame them? you've invaded the deepest crevices of their minds, your smell lingering on their noses, and the shape of your lips following them in their dreams.

oh, they can vividly see— almost feel your lips on theirs, and they wonder what you look like when your face is scrunched up from pleasure, as their fingers enter you.

but they'll have to wait a little longer. and they'll be damned if they lose you, when you're playing right into their hands.

this got so long !!!! i had to let this all out somewhere <//3 definitely gonna add more but i needed to cut it off at this 😭😭😭😭

[foreverdolly]

summary: destined to one another since conception, your very life belongs to feyd rautha. as a token of good will you are sent to the strange planet of giedi prime a week before your wedding ceremony, only to learn that it is far more hostile than you imagined it would be. a failed assassination attempt has tempers flaring and sparks flying when it is decided to be safer to sleep alongside feyd. you hate to admit it, but he has played the part of a "protector" better than the guards who were tasked to watch over you. whilst you have been dreading this union all of your life, feyd has been anticipating it. meeting you as children had left him awe-struck. . . and a bit obsessed.

pairings: feyd rautha x atreides!reader

status: ongoing

warnings: !SMUT HEAVY IN FUTURE PARTS!, feyd is super overprotective in this fic and kills multiple people in your honor, blood and gore, it's a dark romance folks, political marriage, forced proximity, temporary unrequited love, a lil dubious consent in some scenes, there's a lot of talk about breeding, enemies to lovers (in your mind, not his), there's a "who did this to you" scene, knife play, blood kink, breeding kink heavy, lots of scent marking/marking.

total word count: 18.5k

chapter index:

chapter one: the news of your approaching marriage is swift and brutal. there is no escaping your birth-right. what you don’t know is that feyd-rautha would never let you slip from his iron-like grip. you’re his after all.

chapter two: isolation. you feel as though your entire family is completely lost to you and it doesn’t help that the na-baron seems to enjoy playing with you. you’re in desperate need of some kind of a release and feyd is happy to oblige you. the two find yourselves face to face in a sparring match… a particularly heated one at that

chapter three: someone had gained access to your room, and now you were alone in the darkness, left to your own devices. you have a choice to make: fight for your life or let giedi prime swallow you whole. sadly, when placed in a life or death situation, your years of training completely evade you. thankfully you happen to have your very own vengeful demon, and he’s more than happy to behead those that hurt you.

chapter four: reeling after the shocking would-be assassination, you find it impossible to think of anything else- including feyd’s attempts to show you that he cares. having breakfast with the baron leaves you with more questions than you had before. with feyd’s mindset hurtling towards darker, more obsessive ways to show his affections, you’re in for quite the surprise. how else can he show that he loves you? it’s decided: blood will be spilled. . . and a lot of it.

chapter five: coming soon…

pinterest board and playlist coming soon.

[yuri-is-online]

And in With the New (Scarabia, Pomefiore, Ignihyde, and Diasomnia x Yuu)

"Look I would get rid of this thing if I could afford a new sweatshirt." You drag the offensive article of clothing over your head completely missing the spark of curiosity and mischief in your companion's eye. "I've got a lot of bad memories associated with this."

"If it's that uncomfortable we can go look for a replacement instead of-"

"Oh no not like that, it's super comfy. I just don't like it because it technically belongs to my ex."

notes: they/them used for Yuu, their ex is implied to be kind of a shit person, other dorms can be found here (x) Ortho is somewhat included in Idia's part but does not have one of his own.

Kalim- "Do you have any other things from your world?"

Kalim has expressed a desire for you to see as much of Twisted Wonderland as possible, and he stands by that, but it would really suck if the only physical connection you had to your home was something that brought up painful memories. Your past relationship isn't something that makes him jealous, just concerned since it clearly causes you distress. He can wait to get you more appropriate clothing until after he makes sure you're ok. If the sweatshirt really is the only thing you have from home, he'll be asking if there are any foods you remember or activities you liked to do with the people you actually cared about that the two of you can recreate in Twisted Wonderland. That way you won't have to feel the need to hold onto something painful and he gets to make you happy.

Jamil- "Then why didn't you get rid of it before you came here?"

On the one hand he does feel a bit second rate at the thought of you holding onto something form an ex, but his primary concern is the implication that your financial straights have always been this... dire. He definitely wants to know about your previous relationship so he can judge them for how much better he is, but once he notices that the memories are a bit on the traumatic side he stops pushing and feels just the slightest bit guilty. But really, if it's something that hurts you to hold onto then why do it? You aren't him, you don't need to do that, people love you and want to take care of you, him included. He's not going to just give you his hoodie, he would literally die of embarrassment, but he does get you a sweatshirt. If for no other reason than to keep him from staring holes into your back now that he knows where the other one came from.

Vil- "It doesn't suit you at all."

If his treatment of Epel is anything to go by, Vil is not above spending money on something he considers to be a pet project. Not that this... friendship is one of those, nor is he particularly jealous of some no name extra who was too blind to beg on their hands and knees to get back in your good graces. Not that he needs to do that you understand; as arrogant as Vil has a reputation for being, he is one of the people who has been more genuine when expressing concern and gratitude for you. His comment isn't meant to be a slight, clothing that makes you feel bad about yourself is failing to do its job as fashion, and as a world class super model that is unacceptable. In other words get in the car looser we're going shopping.

Rook- "Ah, I thought it was something like that."

Is it bad if he says he meant he hoped it was something like that? Not that he was rooting for your ex to be a bad person, he would never wish a subpar lover on you. But when he saw the tattered edges of your sweatshirt and how it clashed with the things you bought for yourself, he hoped that maybe someone in your world hadn't wanted your hands to be cold. If that's not the case, then if you are ok with letting it go as a lover of romance who is he to deny you your freedom? Granted tossing roses onto a fire while you burn an ugly sweatshirt is both very extra and very Rook but hey. He's having fun and you've got a new jacket.

Epel- "Afford shamford I could'a just made ya one!"

Offering their sweetheart their hoodie is something manly tall guys get to do and Epel has really really REALLY. Been looking forward to getting to that point in his relationship with you. He wants to feel like a real man, like your real man to be specific. The thought of some other piece of shit getting to do that first and treating you like a used dish rag pisses him off. Best believe he is huffing and puffing his way back to Grandma Felmier's boot camp with a mission to do you one and your ex two better by knitting you a pullover to go with your uniform. Everything that comes from Harveston is a top quality product prefect, better than whatever you left behind he guarantees it.

Idia- "So this is that kind of route huh..."

Of course you had a partner back in your world, if he can see your good points then a normie absolutely could. That doesn't make you less appealing, it just makes him feel all that more convinced he doesn't have a chance. He's halfway through whipping out his tablet to excuse himself when Ortho asks what you meant by "shitty memories" and they both get blindsided by just how much vitriol you have for a person whose clothing you technically kept on you. And suddenly he's back in business because there are few things that unite Idia with someone faster than a good old fashion bitch fest. Sure, his insults are weirdly possessive of you, but if he had any doubts about your feelings for this person he doesn't now! He's never heard you talk about anyone like this before and he finds it so attractive he almost forgets to short circuit when Ortho convinces you to try on his hoodie. Almost.

Malleus- "..."

Sometimes he feels like a broken record, constantly marveling at how little fear you have of him, but really child of man, you have no fear. Malleus has very little in the way of emotional intelligence, so he doesn't fully understand that what he is feeling is jealousy he just knows the thought of you with someone else's clothes hurts. Unfortunately for you both, in addition to not being emotionally intelligent he also isn't with the times and there is a non zero percent chance he will be bringing you a cloak and be genuinely confused when you don't immediately replace your old hide for his. (Lilia takes responsibility for that, he was making a joke honest.) Oh? The point was it's supposed to be something he wore so you can feel closer to him when he's gone? Well why didn't you say so child of man, he is more than willing to offer you a scale- what do you mean you can't wear that either?

Lilia- "Oh? Are you asking for one of mine?"

Shame has not been a word in Lilia's vocabulary since long before you showed up prefect. He always buys oversized clothing because of how cute the long sleeves look on him, but oh they would be so much cuter on you prefect, don't you want to see? Oh and while the two of you are at it, why don't you let him paint your nails and do your eye shadow. He's never had one of those slumber party things you humans do, you should make a night of this so you can both get a new experience out of this. He can have a slumber party and you can be the center of someone's world. Also what do you mean you're supposed to summon the devil at these things, he's already here.

Silver- "Would you like one of mine?"

Lilia raised a very good boy who thinks nothing of offering the shirt off his back to save someone in distress. Silver isn't a jealous person by nature, he's more concerned with making sure you are safe and taken care of than he is making sure you don't still have feelings for your ex. Above all else, Silver wants to be a safe space for you to come home to at the end of the day, like a proper knight in shining armor. Though he does have to admit, you look really nice in Diasomnia colors, they're really close to Briar Valley's so if you decide to come and visit he's assures you that you will fit right in. He's sure his father would be very happy to play host. Maybe too happy.

Sebek- "HOW UTTERLY DISGRACEFUL."

You think he's upset at you but he's not, that's made painfully clear with the rant he starts to go on about proper courtship procedure. Offering clothing to someone is supposed to be a sign of high affection, nay eternal devotion! And it suddenly becomes clear to you that Sebek has somehow managed to confuse the concept of a stolen hoodie and a knight's favor. He seems to have managed to convince himself, in the span of two seconds, that you are wearing this not because it is one of your only pieces of clothing, but because your ex convinced you that they're the only one who could love you which IS NOT TRUE. YOU UNDERSTAND HUMAN? DO YOU UNDERSTAAAAAAAAND?

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Clownfall: Endgame

I am calling it that in the full knowledge that batshit things may yet happen, but listen. Listen. We have a year left before the general election. I am hedging my bets and assuming all that comes in that year will be Tory manoeuvring ahead of that. Let's all hope for a nice quiet year in which everything can fall neatly under that banner, that won't ruin this naming convention.

Previous Reading

Important Terminology - Required Reading

What is a Whip?

How do Whips work?

Shadow Cabinet

Front Benchers, Back Benchers and the Cabinet

What do we need to call an early General Election?

The Adventures of Big Dog the Clown - Suggested Reading

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Elanor’s Guide to Liz Truss - Suggested Reading

Character-based prequel

The Premiership of Liz Truss

The Next Steps - Suggested Reading

The post-Truss contenders

Bye Matt

BoJo Resigns as MP

Alright, that's probably everything. Just nice to have it all in one place, innit? If you would like a nice soothing soundtrack to your reading, here's my recommendation. On with the show!

Clownfall: Endgame

Wednesday

So, let's start with charismatic and charming Home Secretary Suella Braverman! You may remember her from such hits as "Quitting before she could be fired after breaking the law only to be rehired by Sunak almost immediately and without consequence to appease the right wing nutjobs in the party", and "Claiming Pakistani men have a culture that makes them work in abuse rings to target vulnerable white English girls" (I should add that, if you are unfamiliar with Suella Braverman, regardless of what that quote implies, she is not, in fact, white); recently she made the news because she announced that being homeless is a "lifestyle choice". So true, Suella! They could give it up any time they wanted. They could, for example, get together and break in and steal your fucking house.

But in particular, here we're focussing on her recent stance towards the multiple huge pro-Palestine marches that have been taking place in London. So far she has indicated that she wants people who wave Palestinian flags to be arrested, so that's very measured and rational of her; but, last Wednesday (Nov 8th), she decided to write a lil opinion piece in the Times all about how mean and biased and liberal the police are. This is an absolutely fascinating assertion to I suspect literally anyone who has ever been involved with the police. But no! Quoth Suella, aggressive right-wing protesters are "rightly met with a stern response", while "pro-Palestinian mobs" are "largely ignored".

And, she claims, the march on Saturday isn’t simply a cry for help for Gaza, but an "assertion of primacy by certain groups - particularly Islamists - of the kind we are more used to seeing in Northern Ireland".

Imagine how well all that went down.

Thursday

You are underestimating how that went down, because it emerges that Suella deVille did not, in fact, get any form of validated sign-off or permission from Number 10 before squirting her ill-informed liquid horseshit all over the front desk of the Times news room, and that, Tumblrs, you'll be surprised to learn, is actually quite an important and compulsory part of criticising the police when you are the Home Secretary. Like, there is a Ministerial Code about this. It is very clear. It is in Article 8.2, Tumblrs. Thou Shalt Have Permission From Number 10 Before Making Media Interventions.

“The content was not agreed with Number 10,” a spokesperson for Prime Minister Rishi Sunak told reporters, referring to the prime minister’s Downing Street office. The ministerial code is clear that any ministerial media interventions need approval from No 10.

-AlJazeera

And the Tories are furious! The bloodbath forms quickly and loudly and the hounds start baying! Clown noses are flying everywhere! The factions are drawn! Because even now, there are Tories too stupid to understand that whether you agree with someone or not they still have to follow the rules! Also the other parties realise they can offer some actual opposition here, given that Suella has essentially dragged a barrel into the middle of the House of Commons dressed in a fish costume, handed around a set of loaded rifles, and then crawled inside to wait. The result is that the calls for her resignation are both deafening and pleasingly cross-party.

"(This is a) dangerous attempt to undermine respect for police", says Labour's shadow home secretary Yvette Cooper. "(It's) irresponsible," says London mayor Sadiq Khan. "The PM's weakness when it comes to standing up to Suella is the most shocking thing in all this," claims a senior Labour source.

They're wrong, of course. The most shocking thing is Liberal Democrat leader Sir Ed Davey realising he can actually appear in the paper if he plays this right and so surfaces to attempt some politics. "(Sunak) must finally act with integrity by sacking his out-of-control home secretary!" he declares, frightening many MPs who had forgotten he was even in the room with them.

Meanwhile, several Tories approach the BBC anonymously.

"The home secretary's awfulness is now a reflection on the prime minister. Keeping her in post is damaging him," says one. Another straight-up describes her as "unhinged". Another claims the comparison with Northern Ireland is "wholly offensive and ignorant", and really, all of this is permanently triggering that "Heartbreaking: the worst person you know just made a great point" reaction image.

Saturday

Hey, speaking of reaction images, look, Labour has a go:

Well. They tried.

BUT! Do you want to know the INTERESTING bit??!

Enter: Nadine Dorries! Mad shrieking pink harpy who spends her days maintaining a BoJo shrine in her bedroom! Always the most hinged of politicians, let's see what she has to say.

Former cabinet minister Nadine Dorries claimed Ms Braverman was trying to get sacked to give her a platform of martyrdom in service of the right-wing. "The competition is on now for who is going to be the leader of the opposition," Ms Dorries told the BBC.

???!??!?

PERTINENT POLITICAL OBSERVATION FROM DORRIES?!?!?? The most shocking part of this whole affair. Remember that time she yelled at a journalist during an interview about Boris Johnson's latest scandal when he asked her how Johnson was feeling about the whole thing and inadvertently implied they were having an affair when No One Asked? God, wonders never cease. She's even acknowledging the Tories can't win the next GE, look. I'd say this is growth, except I am 100% positive she's just being catty about BlowJo being fired again.

Anyway, the real Saturday issue: it's Armistice Day, and there's a pro-Palestine march planned.

Now, to give context, Armistice Day has a creepy level of patriotic state-worship attached to it in the UK. Some time in October everyone on telly suddenly starts wearing a poppy, and if you don't you get hanged, drawn and quartered by (a) the British press, and then (b) a baying mob outside your living room. You most be performatively sad. You must perform reverence and hero worship and say things like "Never again" all while whole-heartedly supporting current wars. You must talk about "our brave boys", and share the works of dead poets from the trenches, and then completely fail to absorb any of their lessons. If anyone tries to wear the white poppy to distance themselves from the current political appropriation while still commemorating the millions of conscripted casualties, you accuse them of being "woke" and pissing on the worthy dead of WW1. It's a whole thing, and politicians love using it as an excuse to point fingers and mock each other for being insufficiently patriotic if they wear the wrong tie to the ceremonies, or choose to walk with actual veterans rather than a head of the current army, or any number of other things. And then on November the 12th they'll order a drone strike or something.

So, off the bat, you can see how a pro-Palestine rally on the same day was likely to be seen as provocative to some.

"Some" included Sunak! He didn’t (publicly at least) ask the police to ban the protest, but did call on organisers to call it off, claiming the choice of date was “provocative and disrespectful”, because as I say, a march calling for the ceasefire of a genocide is super disrespectful to every sad dead poet in a trench who dreamed of a ceasefire so they could live, or something.

But the inevitable therefore happens, which is that far-right activists agree that it's disrespectful, and so decide to violently target the march to show their respect for the idea of peace on Armistice Day, or something.

Here's the planned route by the organisers:

Note, though, that the Armistice ceremony happens at the Cenotaph - visibly nowhere near the march. These two events actually wouldn't have overlapped, if it weren't for far-right protestors deliberately linking them to stop them being disrespectfully linked, or something.

And that's exactly what happened. From the Guardian:

Perhaps the most striking incident, though, was when far-right protesters charged past police who sought to hold them back from the Cenotaph. In this video, a man shouts “this is fucking our country” in celebration. Whereas the pro-Palestine march had been excluded from the area as a precaution, the far right was not; by overwhelming the police, they supposedly sought to defend the site from an enemy that simply wasn’t there.

(that's quite a good article of the whole thing, actually, I recommend giving it a read.)

Crucially to the clown show, though, several politicians and others accused Suella deVille of emboldening the far-right, which... well, several of the far-right protestors straight up said was the case on the day, so hard to disagree, really.

Rumours of a reshuffle in Whitehall circumnavigate the land so fast the truth gets sucked into a tornado and is declared MIA.  Here's the thing! I've covered a few Cabinet reshuffles by now, Tumblrs, you know the drill. Reshuffles are always deniable until they actually happen – so if, say, a reshuffle was going to happen on Monday 13 November 2023, there’d be no need to publicise it in advance. That way, if things change and politics happen, you don't need to retract anything :)

Because, remember: reshuffles are always controversial.  Yes, some people get demoted, and those people will often kick off, and some people who don't deserve it get promoted, and lots of people kick off.  But the big thing is that a lot more people get overlooked for promotion.

His most ardent supporters would say that Rishi Sunak is a cautious man (if you'll allow me a moment to express my own view on the matter, Tumblrs, if you'll forgive this crumb of personal opinion amongst my otherwise impeccable journalling of greatest integrity, I once did a teambuilding task with my students where they had to build the best possible bridge out of uncooked spaghetti and pieces of marshmallow, and I personally would liken the structural integrity of his spine to the losing team's entry), and reshuffles will spread a lot of disappointment to Tory MPs who lose – or fail to gain – a cabinet position.

So, all in all... regardless of Suella's idiocy...

There's no guarantee of a reshuffle. Rumours are just that - whether they prove to be true or not remains to be seen.

Week Commencing Monday 13th November, 2023

New week, new challenges! And it's going to be a big week this week. On Wednesday (tomorrow, at time of writing), three big things are going to be announced, and these announcements will colour everything else this week:

One.  The Supreme Court decide whether the government will be allowed to enact their plan to send some migrants claiming asylum in the UK to Rwanda, a signature Braverman plan that human rights campaigners (including many in Rwanda) have been trying to block for ages.

It’s a massive deal anyway – a flagship government idea that’s been bogged down in the court, and we’ll finally have an answer one way or another.  For what it’s worth, the Tories aren’t confident about winning it, either.  The optimists among them reckon it’s a 50/50 chance, the pessimists reckon it’s 70/30 against, so it's iffy at best.

But here's the thing!

Plenty of Tories have always disliked Suella.  Others could handle the odd outburst she has, but can’t stomach the sheer number of them lately - the Lib Dem non-entity man was absolutely right that she is rapidly growing out of control and just does not know when to shut the entire fuck up.

Which means! If the Supreme Court allows the Rwanda plan, Braverman could become emboldened, like a far-right protest injuring police officers to defend the cenotaph from people who are nowhere near it and have no interest in it.  Do we want an emboldened Braverman?? Well; no, obviously. I also don't want dysentery, or rotten meat, or a serial killer in my neighbourhood. But it's a question even Tories are asking themselves, which is notable.

Plus, even if the court allows it, there will still be months of planning, and lawyers might still prevent the plans in the long run...  But psychologically, the issue is this: the government wants this win, but probably doesn’t benefit from Braverman feeling victorious.

Two.  We’ll get inflation figures.  The government promised to halve inflation, and it seems likely they’ve managed this.  Expect them to massively celebrate this, to distract from the promises they haven’t kept e.g. waiting lists in England, competent governance, etc.

Three.  Voting on a ceasefire in Israel seems likely for Wednesday.  It’s the SNP’s idea, and it won’t affect government policy (they won’t support a ceasefire – they claim it’ll empower Hamas).

But it’s a big deal for Labour, even more so than the Tories.  A Shadow minister has already resigned over the war.  A bunch of frontbenchers want a ceasefire, but that isn’t Keir Starmer’s policy, a man who is calling for the colours of the Israel flag to be shown at sports matches to show that "we stand in solidarity with Israel", because you can really count on Starmer to fuck up everything he touches.  So what do they do?  Abstain?  Claim they had a prior commitment??  We might see more resignations, basically.  Big day for Starmer.

So! With all that in mind...

Monday

8.43am

Oh look. Timestamps are back. I wonder if that suggests anything?

Suella Braverman is sacked as Home Secretary.

But! Sunak is accused of waiting too long! Which he demonstrably did!

He should have made the decision after the illegal article that she shouldn't have written and triggered a far-right rally on fucking Armistice Day.  Instead, remember that 'cautious' descriptor I talked about?? He waited until the tide had turned against her completely, and now looks like he (a) was too much of a useless wimp to fire her until he was sure people would still like him and pat his dick and tell him he's a Good PM, and (b) only fired her because he caved in to that appalling lefty liberal cabal that somehow these days includes the Metropolitan Police of all fucking people, and she'd have been able to stay otherwise.

Shout out to the best comment from Reddit:

u/nowonmai666: Doesn't she normally get sacked on a Friday so she can have the weekend off before being reappointed?

Anyway, that's the big risk now: Braverman’s supporters can claim she was only fired because Sunak caved in to the left.

8.56am

Tory MP Andrea Jenkyns claims Sunak only sacked Braverman because he caved in to the left.

9.00am

Neil O'Brian, Pharmacy Minister, quits to live out his stated dream of being a back-bencher with less power.

*sus*

9.09am

Nick Gibb, Schools Minister, quits to live out his stated dream of being more diplomatic, or something.

*sus*

9.42am

The Lib Dems decide to build on the success of their leader getting to be on telly for his one comment on Thursday and call for a general election.  Says Ed Davey: “It was the Prime Minister’s sheer cowardice that kept her in the job even for this long. We are witnessing a broken party and a broken government, both of which are breaking this country.”

Good job! They're having such a good few days.

Anyway remember the Tories don’t have to have a general election until December 2024, though, thanks to the Fixed-term Parliaments Act (2011), which was passed by the coalition government of Tories and, um, Lib Dems.  In which Ed Davey served for three years.

Hmm.

9.43am 

James Cleverly (remember him?) returns to the Cabinet and is appointed Home Secretary. The party attempts to appear trendy by experimenting with emojis:

This appointment is probably because Tory strategists wanted him in a domestic role to help the party’s chances in the next election; as Surprising Political Pundit Nadine Dorries told us, of all fucking people, the race is now on to lead the opposition.

But hey, this is not likely to lead to any more changes -

10.03am

FORMER PRIME MINISTER, BREXIT-TRIGGERER AND PIG-FUCKER DAVID CAMERON BECOMES FOREIGN SECRETARY

!!!!!!!!!!!!

And look! Another emoji! They're so hip!

(Side note... the balls on this one are astounding, actually. The UK political system has been in chaos ever since Cameron, and he was the first domino. This is not a well-loved former hero that will be greeted warmly by the unwashed masses.)

Awkward though, since just last month Sunak claimed that we’d lived through “30 years of a political system that incentivizes the easy decision, not the right one.”  It would be a terrible shame if a journalist was to ask David Cameron whether he agreed with the Prime Minister on that, given that Cameron’s job is to support the Prime Minister now.

Especially since Cameron took to Twitter last month to explicitly criticise Sunak for breaking the Tory promise to deliver High Speed 2.

(Cameron tweeted this criticism last month.  Labour MP Angela Rayner however promptly retweets it now lol suck a dick Dave, but try a human one this time)

Also, fun fact, Cameron has just come out of a large-scale lobbying and corruption scandal. Given the state of Sunak, though, that's actually probably what got him the job.

BUT!!! Here's an even funner fact: the man is not an MP. He left politics after he accidentally triggered Brexit and then it came out he'd once face fucked a dead pig's head while it was held on the lap of another Tory; he's been living it up in the lucrative world of after-dinner speaking, as these people do.

So can you do that?? Can you hold a Cabinet position if no one at all has voted for you??

Yes, turns out.

Don't be alarmed by that, though:

But, convention holds that anyone who becomes a Cabinet member while not being an MP needs to be a Peer - that way, if they do bad and naughty things, they can't be held accountable by the House of Commons but they can be held accountable by the House of Lords. Only problem is, Hameron is not a lord...

10.13am

The reshuffle, bafflingly, continues. Jeremy Hunt will remain as chancellor.

For the first time since 2010, the top four positions in government – Prime Minister (Sunak), Chancellor of the Exchequer (Hunt), Home Secretary (Cleverly) and Foreign Secretary (Cameron) – are all held by men.

10.18am

Lots of people tweeting about the historic context of Cameron’s appointment.  Here’s my favourite:

10.48am

David Cameron is given a life peerage, so his proper name now is Lord Piggledick.

10.52am

Health secretary Will Quince quits.  He wasn’t planning to stand for re-election anyway though, so this one is probably not a shock. But it's important that no one else resi-

11.04am

Decarbonisation minister Jesse Norman resigns.

...

...

...

Time for a

✨Conspiracy Theory✨

Between Quince and Norman – as well as Neil O’Brien and Nick Gibb – we’re seeing several mid-ranking ministers resign, despite being generally regarded as fairly competent.

It’s possible they were fired in private, and they’re publicly resigning to save face.  But here’s another theory.

MPs aren’t allowed to seek commercial employment for six months after resigning from the government.

So hypothetically, if you were going to lose your seat in a general election, you’d want to have resigned six months earlier so you can still get a job.

If that’s what these guys are doing, it suggests we’re on track for a May 2024 election...?

11.05am

11.12am

Remember Cameron's financial scandal? Quick background here: David Cameron was specifically vice-chair of a £1bn China-UK investment fund.

So let’s see what throwback former leader Iain Duncan Smith thinks of Cameron’s return:

“I am astonished at this appointment. It seems to send a signal to China that we are pursuing business with them at all costs and any costs. Those who have been sanctioned now feel more abandoned than at any time. Those facing genocide and persecution will feel more abandoned than at any time.”

I cannot believe I am about to say this.

But.

I agree with Iain Duncan Smith *spits on floor*

11.50am

Former Tory deputy prime minister Lord Heseltine is asked to sum up the return of Cameron, and says it’s the “clearest signal that the sort of right wing lurch that we’ve seen and the anti-European movement that we’ve seen has been put to bed, and that will get a message across to people”.

12.13pm

A Tory MP is worried that Cameron’s return will turn back the clock on Brexit and Johnson’s election.

“It is very alarming. I am predicting a softening on small boats, a softening on legal migration. I would not be surprised if the ban on conversion therapy returns.”

... Don’t threaten me with a good time.

Anyway, let’s see how the public actually sees Cameron compared with other PMs!

Yeah, not sure people will mind if Cameron’s not Boris Johnson.

12.43pm

ITV political editor Robert Peston walks past a minister of state.  The minister’s on the phone, but takes a moment to heatedly shout at Peston, “The PM just sacked me!”

I guess some days are easier than others as a journalist

12.47pm

Therese Coffey resigns as environment secretary!!!!

*choirs of heavenly angels sing*

You'll remember her of course, Tumblrs - she was one of the thugs manhandling people into the 'right' voting lobbies to force their vote on the day of Liz Truss' fracking law. Rumour has it she still has the Whip handle in her ass.

A lot of people seem to be resigning today! But don't be fooled. In almost every case, it’ll be because they were told to resign.  They’ve been sacked, but they resign to save face. A last mercy from their benevolent leader.

My guess: Tessie here is terrible at media skills, so – get rid of her before she hurts general election chances. This, too, is a pattern.

12.52pm

Rachel Maclean sacked as Housing Minister! Fun fact, numbers fans: it took Doctor Who 33 years to make it to eight Doctors, but since the 2019 election, the Tories managed eight Housing Ministers in just under 4 years

trololol

1.15pm

Jeremy Quin quits as Minister for the Cabinet Office.

1.37pm

Times Political Editor Steven Swinford reports that No 10 is struggling to find a new housing minister (owing to rumours the job is cursed). Several people have turned it down, including Jeremy Quin. It is incredible to me that they didn't line someone up before sacking the last guy.

Kemi Badenoch and Michael Gove are apparently unhappy that Rachel Maclean was removed from the role. I for one do not care about the opinions of Kemi Badenoch or Michael Gove.

2.04pm

Health Secretary Steve Barclay becomes Environment Secretary.  This is effectively a demotion for him. It is our 5th Environment Secretary in four years. Chasing that Housing Minister record! It took 19 years for Doctor Who to have five Doctors

2.15pm

Richard Holden appointed new Conservative Party chairman.

A 2019-intake Tory MP, he led the charge against Sir Keir Starmer over Beergate, which did damage Starmer a bit (albeit not much, given that it turned out Starmer had complied with lockdown regs, and the accusation was nakedly to try and distract from Partygate).  So this appointment looks like more strategy to win the next election - someone not known enough to be hated, with what passes in the modern Tory party for a proven track record.

This could be a sign that the Tories intend to at least try to shore up the Red Wall votes? As unlikely as the Tories are to keep those seats.

That said, Holden’s seat disappears in a boundary change next election, sooooo … we'll see what they do there.

2.24pm

Victoria Atkins appointed Health Secretary, replacing Steve Barclay who’s moved to Environment Secretary. She's a relative unknown but also considered actually competent. Massive middle finger to Steve Barclay

2.37pm

Laura Trott (formerly in pensions) promoted to Chief Secretary to the Treasury.

2.42pm

Science minister George Freeman resigns.

3.18pm

YouGov conducts a snap poll: is the appointment of David Cameron as Foreign Secretary a good decision or a bad decision?

Good decision: 24%

Bad decision: 38%

Don't know: 38%

So that's going well

3.24pm

Greg Hands is made a business minister after losing the Tory chairman role.

John Glen moves from chief secretary to the Treasury to become the Minister for the Cabinet Office and Paymaster General.

3.39pm

With Cameron being a Lord now, he’ll be based in the House of Lords rather than the Commons.  The most recent Cabinet Minister to be based in the Lords was former Brexit minister Lord Frost, who did weigh in on the matter:

“[T]hough I was not running a whole Department too. I don’t think it works well to have a lead Cabinet Minister answering questions and defending their Department solely in the Lords. The Lords is not a fully party political environment - nor should it be - and voters are owed proper political scrutiny. In our system, that can only happen in the Commons.”

I cannot believe I am about to say this.

But.

I agree with Lord Frost *spits on floor*

The SNP had already called this out, with MP Stephen Flynn claiming, “The UK is not a serious country.”

4.21pm

Conservative MP Lee Rowley appointed the 16th housing minister in the past 13 years. Even counting David Tennant twice, that's more than all the Doctors Who we've ever had, and that took almost 60 years.

5.16pm

Sky News’s Tamara Cohen reports that Sunak sacked Braverman by phone this morning!  Downing Street says there won’t be any exchange of letters between them - this is almost unheard of. Politics runs on paper trails! Everything happens through formal letters! By phone!

It means we’re denied insight into their differences.  But Cohen reckons we’re likely to hear from Braverman on Wednesday, as the Supreme Court rules on the Rwanda scheme.

6.03pm

Tory MP Andrea Jenkyns, former Education Minister, submits no-confidence letter in Rishi Sunak.

It's almost like, in the absence of Dorries, she's decided that someone needs to step up and have a tantrum and that someone might as well be her. It is, actually, an extremely funny letter, as these letters go. Normally they're written with a sort of furious earnestness wrapped in formal language. I presume that Andrea Jenkyns MP, former Education Minister, was aiming for something similar, and the first paragraph manages it. But by the end you sort of start to wonder if this was supposed to be a letter she wrote with her therapist to get her feelings out:

My favourite line, when pulled in isolation, is "Yes Boris Johnson, the man who won the Conservative Party a massive majority, was unforgivable enough."

Yeah, Andrea babes. You're bang on there.

6.05pm

Esther McVey is appointed as Cabinet Office minister.  Not a full cabinet member, but she will attend cabinet meetings.

This is notable: unlike a lot of today’s appointments, she’s on the right of the party.  Her role will be to represent the government on TV and radio as much as possible, talking about gender/culture/British colonial history issues (i.e. she’s anti-woke and a screaming bigot).

In other words, with Braverman gone, McVey is an offering for the populist right of the party to try to appease them.

6.15pm

Sunak tweets about the new cabinet, claiming they’ll make “the right decisions for our great country, not the easy ones.”  So it looks like that’s the new slogan, and we're pressing on with austerity

6.27pm

Tim Loughton, a Tory MP on the “One Nation” wing (i.e the David Cameron side) responds to Andrea Jenkyns’s letter of no-confidence by tweeting:

“Where can we submit a letter of no confidence in the Pantomime Dame?”

(It’s Andrea he’s publicly referring to as a pantomime dame there. A lil joke from the Tories for you)

6.31pm

Paul Scully sacked as minister for London. Didn't know that one was a position.

9.43pm

Sunak says that only a two-state solution will allow a new future for Israel/Palestine.  This is, um, not what the Prime Minister of Israel wants.  Who knows whether the Prime Minister of Israel will survive this crisis anyway – but these are big words from Sunak.  Cameron’s influence? Maybe? Interesting either way

10.03pm

And then - PLOT TWIST!!!

According to ITV political editor Robert Peston, a senior government source reveals that Cameron was approached on TUESDAY. 

Which means plans were underway to get rid of Braverman not only before the far-right violence on Saturday, but before her anti-police article on Wednesday.  It seems she lost her job not because of what she said about police after all; but because she claimed homelessness was a lifestyle choice.

Well well.

11.05pm

And the day finishes with Andrea Leadsom back in government (as Under Secretary of State for Health and Social Care) which nobody saw coming!  Pretty demeaning to the other 300 Tory MPs who could have been given this.

The final response from numerous Tories: they are feeling jilted and insulted because David Cameron being brought back when he's NOT EVEN AN MP, RISHI suggests that they themselves are not good enough to be in government.

No one tell them

[sexybritishllama]

strap in folks it's time for another neopets drama update

some background reading before we begin: back when neopets wanted to introduce customisation (i.e. dressing up your pet) in 2007, they decided to 'convert' all existing pet art to align with a rigid body structure, rather than all having unique poses. it was just not feasible to create new pieces of art for hundreds of different pet poses every single time they released a new clothing them

customisation had been highly requested up until this point. however, the conversion was NOT popular. in some cases, particularly for basic colours, the change wasn't huge, but in other cases.... uh....

you get the idea. the more expensive colours like plushie, faerie, grey, royal and darigan got the worst of it because they had the more unique poses pre-conversion, and therefore it was largely agreed that the change to the stiff 'samey', frankly kinda goofy converted look did not look great

most users did not get a choice in having their neopet converted and it was done automatically, but if you had one of these colours where the change was huge, you were given the choice of converting or retaining the old pose (but not having the option to customise your pet). those pets that retained the old, pre-conversion poses are therefore referred to as 'unconverted', or UC for short

once a pet is converted, there's no returning to UC. you also couldn't create UC pets anymore, making UCs a limited resource that would only increase in value with time, particularly as people abandon their pets, leave the site, get frozen, etc.

i could write an entire dissertation on the drama that UC pets have caused for the pet trading economy, the neopet account black market, and general retention of the userbase, but to sum it up, people REALLY want UC pets. they are the single most coveted status symbol on the site

we skip forward now to 2023

the neopets team are planning to introduce UC pets back to the site, so that people will be able to create their own UC pets again for the first time post-converstion (legally at least)

they drip feed bits of information over the year about what this will look like. the main points are

changing a pet to UC will be done via some kind of item bought with neocash, the premium currency on neopets that you need to spend real money to get

putting this item on your pet will give it the UC art style appearance

so. not much really known. but expected release is set for january 2024

yesterday, they hosted an AMA focusing on the new UC pet system and how this was going to work. noticeably absent is any explanation of how much this is actually going to cost and whether it is going to involve any kind of gatcha mechanic, so that's causing our first lot of concern

second lot of drama is that the new UCs aren't actually going to be COMPLETELY the same as the old art, as they're making some small changes for style consistency, see below (old on top, new below):

the biggest drama, however, comes from how they're dealing with the 'original' UC pets. ALL pets will be getting forcibly converted on the 23rd, with anyone who has a pet that is already an original UC immediately receiving the UC neocash item. there's mention of possibly some kind of trophy or badge recognition for particularly old pets, but it's vague, and generally seems like it won't be possible to distinguish between the original UCs and these new ones

the people who already have OCs are not happy about this

people are allegedly pounding their pets, cancelling their premium, and quitting the site in protest. the boards are flooded with people complaining about the changes and laughing at the downfall of the 'neo-elite' in equal measure

it's t-minus 5 days until the second great conversion goes live. let's all pray for our souls