#not that the story we’ve gotten so far is bad but imagine what we could’ve had

[flysafepapi]

no thoughts, only Buck and Eddie, but with Judd and Grace’s straight out of a romcom origin story.

[kasey-writes-stuff]

The boy with the reindeer clothes and captain america mask

You had fallen for Callahan the instant you first met him through bad boy halo’s Minecraft server. It was insane really out of all the guys and girls you could’ve fallen for you wound up falling for the faceless mute boy. I guess there was just something extra charming about how he was able to make you fall for him despite not showing his face or using his voice… It had been years since you had met him and the rest of the crew online and by now you had even met a few IRL! Still your heart aches for the one true person you wished to meet, you wished to hug, to hold, to kiss if he so wished… So all that being said after months of begging and convincing from your other friends to just get up the guts and ask… you finally did it…

You decided today would be the day you call Callahan and ask if he wants to meet up! Despite Callahan never talking he loved when you would call he always said your voice was very soothing and he’s even fell asleep to you talking away a few times.. You can always tell when he falls asleep because when he’s awake he keeps it saying that he’s typing but once he’s fallen asleep somehow it turns off fate or some magical power or maybe someone lives with him that you don’t know about, either way you don’t question it. It was like a silent understanding between the two of you to never question it whether be out of fear of somehow messing it up if you question it or if just simply neither of you cared enough to ask…

You take a deep breathe before clicking call… You anxiously await and within only two rings he picks up and quickly types in chat “hi, what’s up?” You gulp softly “Hi Calla well um I was actually calling because I well I have a question…” He types question marks and “okay? What is it?” You take another deep breathe your voice shaking as you finally say the words “Do you want to meet up with me?” You begin to ramble on about how he doesn’t have to show his face or anything but before you can barely mutter anything else out he types “yea sure I’m down when do you wanna do it? Do you want me to come to you or you come to me or what?” You blink a few times not believing the words you read

Your mind swirls wondering how he agreed to quickly and seems so calm when you felt as if your heart was gonna beat out of your chest… Little did you know he was actually feeling the same way and he had to retype the sentence a few times because his fingers were shaking so much he typoed quite a bit… You suddenly hear finger snapping and quickly are pulled back to reality making a small noise of alarm quickly looking at your computer screen you saw Callahan’s mic lit green and heard the quickest laugh before his mic was once again red… “Sorry I zoned out for a second there um I can come there if you don’t mind, I know it would be easier for you if I did”

Unbeknownst to you Callahan had a wide smile on his face as he silently cheered to himself before quickly typing that he would send you his address later and that he had to go! You laughed softly a bit from nerves of this actually happening and from imagining Callahan rushing around his house getting everything ready for your visit “okay sounds good I’ll see you later bye calla I L-“ you barely stopped yourself you had said it a few times before to him and honestly you said it almost all the time to your other friends but something about saying it to Callahan was different.. You didn’t like saying it not because you didn’t love him but because you couldn’t explain that how you said I love you to him and I love you to your other friends was different so you usually just refrained from saying it

Callahan laughed silently to himself quickly typing “I L- you too” his heart soared anytime you told him you loved him though he tried not to think much of it because you always said I love you to everyone else so it was just your thing right? Though it was painfully obvious you didn’t say it as much to him and that’s something he never understood and while it hurt like heck he could never bring himself to ask about it he was too scared he was too scared of being even more hurt so he just suffered in silence cherishing every time you told him you loved him even more each and every time you said it…

Once you ended the call with Callahan you quickly grabbed your phone FaceTiming Niki as you already begin packing.. Only a couple rings and she picks up “hi y/n! What’s up?!” You smile widely blushing brightly as you say “Well I may be taking a trip very soon…” she claps her hands together “really?! Where are you going?” You shrug softly finding your duffel bag “I don’t know yet” she turns her head at you curiously “what that makes no sense what do you-“ suddenly she stops a giant smile appearing on her face “YOU DID NOT” your smile widens as you nod excitedly “I DID I DID!” She screams happily “AAH Y/N I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!” You scream happily as well “AH THANK YOU” she excitedly says “YOU’RE WELCOME! So when are you leaving?” You throw your hands in the air “I don’t know probably within a week or two maybe?! We haven’t really discussed the details yet” she nodded softly “well let me know when you find them out!” You nodded back “I will I will! I’m gonna go ahead and get packed I’ll talk to you later love you!”

Callahan after ending call with y/n quickly grabbed his phone as he ran about tidying up. I began calling Dream and luckily within only a few rings he picked up “hello?” I quickly begin typing “DREAM” he laughs softly “what’s up calla?” I nearly bump into a wall as I’m typing but stop myself just before I hit it “Okay so I may have gotten asked by y/n if I would be okay with them coming out to meet me and I may have said yes…” Dream gasps softly and I can hear the smile in his voice as he speaks “What?! No way! I’m so happy for you guys! Finally! We’ve been trying to get you two to meet for years!” I roll my eyes light heartedly “I know I know so now you guys can finally stop nagging us” Dream laughs again “hey it was for your own goods okay? We’re just trying to help our friends be happy as they can be okay?” I smile to myself “yea yea whatever you say” he laughs more “Whaattt it’s true and you know it” I snicker to myself “maybe we’ll see, I’m gonna finish getting everything ready I’ll call you later okay?” I can hear his ever widening smile “Of course see you calla”

It was the next day and you were absolutely buzzing wishing you could tell chat the full story of why you weren’t gonna be able to stream next week but alas you and calla both wished to keep it very private in fact as far as you knew only Niki knew and as far as calla knew only Dream knew though you both suspected you had each more than likely had told someone neither of you knew for sure… anyways skip a bit and your stream has begun plenty of messages already asking what the title is about what does it mean and some being worried “Hello chat! Don’t worry don’t worry it’s nothing bad! It’s actually something really really good as to why I can’t stream!” Chat exploded asking millions of questions and others being relived that it was nothing bad, you laugh softly “Well I can’t spoil all the details as we wish to keep most of it private but I can’t stream next week because I’m meeting up with someone! Yes yes before you ask it’s someone you all know! Also again before you ask yes you can guess no I will not say if you got it right or not… at least not directly…”

Names come flying in like wild fire at first you’re seeing mainly Niki,Dream,Sapnap,even punz and bad but then you see one saying Callahan and you can’t stop the light blush that dusts your cheeks as you try to think of a way to discreetly let it be known someone guessed the right answer… Unable to think of one though you simply clap your hands and say “Okay guys someone guessed the right answer! I won’t say who and I won’t say details as I don’t wanna give it away but yes one of you guessed them!” And so of course chat lit up trying to figure out who the right answer was but alas they couldn’t figure it out, you laughed light heartedly at them and after that continued stream as normal just fiddling around the dream SMP setting up a few pranks and then deciding to build a little house with a small hint as to who you’re meeting with!

The house was simple it was made out of birch and dark oak and the small hint you used was you placed three flower pots on each of the widows.. in the first you placed a small red flower, in the second a small white one and in the final a small blue one.. You didn’t say anything about it being a hint you just placed the flowers and moved on doing a few more pranks. “Guys how do we prank Punz?” You giggled your body already erupted with butterflies knowing what Punz’s prank back to you would be “I already know he’s gonna get me back so badly but it’ll be worth it! I’m gonna replace all his pumpkins with melons!”

Chat explodes saying how thats such a simple but good prank and how punz will lose it and it’ll be so funny. You nod giggling “right right chat! So let’s get started shall we?” You begin and about ten minutes in suddenly calla shows up, you can’t help the excited smile on your face as you see Calla’s name pop up in game and you excitedly type “hi calla!” He types back “hi y/n!” You try to contain your ever growing smile “What’s up?” He says “Not much I’m watching your stream and saw you’re trying to prank punz so I decided to come help” You quickly nod now knowing he’s watching your stream you verbally say “Really?! I’d appreciate that so much thank you calla” He quickly says “Of course it’s not problem” and in no time he’s over there with you helping you replace all the pumpkins with watermelons, the job definitely gets done a lot quicker with calla there to help and it honestly is a lot more fun having calla there to bounce jokes off with you! In no time the job is done you quickly thank calla and tell him you’ll talk to him tomorrow and you end stream.

Before you go to bed you check your phone and see a text from calla “Hey so i forgot to ask earlier is that like our house or something? I noticed you made two bedrooms but you could always just make one and use the other to expand the work area if you want but if not it’s cool” You smile softly reading the text “I love the idea of expanding the room I’ll get on tomorrow off stream and fix it and yea it’s our little house… I hope you don’t mind I mean I just figured it’d be a nice little place ya know an extra place for each of us to keep things and to stay… I’m glad you got the flower hint, anyways I’ll work on it tomorrow I’m gonna try and get some sleep goodnight calla” A few minutes later a text pops up “Don’t worry I can always help and work on it besides there’s my own little hint that I wanna add as well so I’ll do it and I hope you sleep well goodnight can’t wait to see you next week” Your smile widens more as a your heart pounds “I can’t wait to see you either ❣️”

Throughout the rest of the week you only did two more streams and of course each one chat tried to get you or whoever happened to be on stream with you to spill who it was you were meeting with but no one you streamed with that week knew… besides calla of course! Chat didn’t believe them when they would say they didn’t know and it was honestly comical seeing them get so upset. It started with Sapnap and George and ended with Boomer and Punz.. Even after stream the duos had tried to get you to spill who you were meeting with but you refused to spill even to them, insisting they can wait just a few more days and though the four of them whined they settled and finally let you go.

So we fast forward and it’s Monday you leave tomorrow so you’re finishing last minute packing and waiting for Karl to come over so you can give him your spare keys because he so graciously agreed to watch your cats! Also so he can just hang out with you a bit before you have to leave and can drive you to the airport! You’re just about to start triple checking that you have everything when you hear a knock at your door. Your cats look at your curiously but don’t bother following see you rush to the door and open it to see a ever beaming Karl! He quickly rushes in hugging you tightly making you giggle as you hug him just as tightly “hi Karl!” He giggles softly “hi y/n!” After a few minutes you break apart and he quickly shuts your door. “Soooo since I’m watching your cats do I get to know where you’re going and who you’re seeing?”

You shake your head laughing softly “Sorry but no you’ll find out when everyone else does! I will say I’m going somewhere I’ve never been before” He tilts his head curiously trying to think “hmm I don’t know there’s a lot of places you’ve never been like you have yet to go to the UK, you have yet to go to like any of the states uhmm are you meeting someone you’ve never met?! Is it Sam?! Oh my gosh it’s Sam isn’t it?! You’ve never been to Texas and you’ve never met Sam!” You shake your head “Good guess good guess and while I would love to go meet Sam it is not Sam..” he pouts slightly “hmm well I don’t know there’s so many other guesses I could make” You smile and roll your eyes softly “Well instead of guessing where I’m going how about you help me double check that I have everything okay?”

He nods smiling softly “okay sounds good!” So for the rest of the night you and Karl double and triple check your bags and then just chill out watching your friends streams and posting pictures together! You both laugh at the fans freaking out over the random content of you two and laugh even more at them freaking out over karl with your cats. Two of your cats loved Karl but they love everyone so it wasn’t surprising but your third isn’t too fond of him but she’s not too fond of anyone, still Dream is convinced when he comes to visit you that she’ll love him and Karl is convinced that spending this week visiting them he’ll be able to make her love him. You’re not confident of either of those things happening but it makes you happy to see them so confident and happy so who are you to destroy their happiness.

Another small time skip and suddenly it’s Tuesday afternoon and time for you to leave, after spending an extra few minutes telling your cats goodbye and promising you’ll be back soon and that they know karl and he’ll take amazing care of them. Karl finally manages to pull you out the door and suddenly it’s all becoming more real than ever… It’s so real you’re frozen in place just standing outside your door, Karl locks your door for you and helps you sit on the ground outside your door rubbing your back “it’s okay everything is gonna be fine, we’re gonna get you to the airport the plane ride is gonna be your smoothest ever and when you get there they’re gonna be there waiting for you smiling widely and with open arms ready to give you the biggest and best hug you’ve ever had apart from my hugs” you nod and then giggle softly both because of how you don’t believe at all his statement of them being there waiting and smiling with open arms and also at his joke “Thank you Karl you’re the best you know that right?” He smiles softly squeezing your shoulder reasssuringly before smiling hopefully “so much the best that you’ll tell me who you’re meeting?” You giggle rolling your eyes “nooo not that much the best but I can give you another hint” he nods “okay okay go on!”

“Okay so I’ve never met them, I’ve never been to the place they live and they’ve been on my stream within the past month” Karl hummed in thought able to rule out, Sapnap, Dream, Alex, and Boomer… That still left way too many people so he shrugged “I don’t know I guess I’ll have to wait like everyone else” You smile softly “Well I can also say at least one person knows, I don’t know if the person I’m meeting told anyone but I assume they told at least one person so hehe” He gasps in mock offense “you told someone?! And that someone wasn’t me?! I’m so wounded!” You laugh at his dramatics “yes yes I did, it’s not that I don’t trust you obviously I do but it was just this certain person for some reason came to mind first but I wanted and still want to tell you as well but the person I’m meeting with wants to keep it very private for right now” he smiles softly hugging you gently “it’s okay don’t worry about it I’m happy for you okay? Now let’s get you to that airport!”

So now you were off! In no time you managed to make it to the airport and you had to admit it was kinda hard to leave Karl, you didn’t get to see him often as you would like.. He was always busy with mr beast and his own projects and you weren’t one to go out much so while you were frequently invited to be in mr beast videos you rarely agreed to them.. Karl sighs softly as he helps you get your bags, he sets them down beside you and hugs you tightly pressing a kiss to the top of your head “Be safe okay? Text me when you land” You hug him back even tighter and nod softly “I will don’t worry, I love you” after a few moments he lets you go “I love you too” Soon enough it was time to board the plane, the plane ride went fairly smooth only one crying toddler who luckily fell asleep and little turbulence and when getting your bags you even ran into a few fans who you gladly took pictures with and who tried light heartedly to get you to spill who you were meeting with to which you simply laughed and gave them a few extra wrist bands you kept with you and gave them to them as you said sorry that you weren’t able to tell them.

Today was finally the day! I rushed to finish getting ready knowing y/n should be arriving to the airport in no time and just as I finished getting ready and grabbed my keys my phone began ringing I quickly picked up and smiled brightly hearing y/n’s voice “hi calla! I just made it to the airport and got my bags! Are you here?” I quickly typed “not yet I’m leaving now I should be there in like thirty! I’m sorry I’m running a little late I couldn’t find the last piece of my outfit” They laughed softly and I blushed softly holding back my own laugh at how infectious theirs was “It’s okay i understand it’s a big thing so the outfit needs to be just right haha I’ll see you soon okay?” Though they can’t see it I nod excitedly as I respond “Yes see you soon can’t wait!” With that I hang up and make my way out the door, soon enough I’ve made it to the car and after what feels like forever but it’s really maybe forty five minutes at most I’ve finally made it to the airport! I take a deep breathe closing my eyes and opening them moments later..

I quickly put on my captain America mask, my light up red nose and raise my hood… Was I embarrassed? Yes definitely, was the chance of making y/n laugh and ensuring they would recognize me worth it? There’s no doubt it’s worth it… Another deep breathe and I manage to get myself into the airport and I begin scanning for y/n and within a few minutes I spot them! I quickly wave at them smiling widely and they break into a smile before trying to contain their laughter, I make my way over to them and press my nose to make it light up and thats when the dam breaks and they’re ever so melodious laughter rings through my ears…There’s something different about it this time though it sounds even better, it feels even more special, it makes me heart soar more than ever before. I find it hard to contain my own laughter a very small snicker escaping causing me to blush and quickly cover my mouth..

You’re practically doubled over in laughter in the middle of the airport but you don’t care you’re with Callahan and everything just feels so right… A few moments pass and you finally collect yourself, you boop his light up nose, he squints his eyes a bit and then pulls the nose off placing it gently on your own. You smile softly at him and start to stand on your tip toes to ensure you can reach his nose but then stop yourself realizing this isn’t Karl or Dream or even Sapnap this Callahan we’ve never met before you can’t just kiss his nose, or grab his hand as we walk or hug him.. He looks at you curiously and you simply play it off “You have a very nice nose” Your eyes widen realizing how that sounds “wait wait I mean this nose not your nose I mean not not that your nose is bad it’s a great nose I just ugh forget it let’s just go so if I embarrass myself anymore at least we’ll be alone”

He smirks softly nodding and holding a hand out for one of my bags, you hand it to him and smile and his smirk turns to a smile as he slings the bag over his shoulder and then holds his hand out again… You’re confused at first and go to push the handle of your wheely bag into his hand but he shakes his head and grabs your hand clasping your hands together.. You blush a light pink smiling happily as you walk off hands swinging softly, you don’t speak until you’ve made it to his car and he signs that you can choose the music. You smile softly connecting your phone to his Bluetooth and deciding to do a mix of new boy bands you liked and nostalgic songs.. You start with love song by why don’t we, you tap your hand to the beat humming a long at first but then softly singing… Callahan sneaks small glances at you smiling brightly seeing you beginning to let yourself loose.. Next comes this love by maroon five your eyes widen as you hear a tapping and then humming as you’re singing, you smile widely as you look to Callahan and see him jamming out! He notices you looking and blushes and stops but you shake your head and giggle “Don’t stop it’s okay I like it maybe we can harmonize together” He smiles a bit and nods, you begin singing again and he taps to the beat and then begins humming once more and in no time you’re harmonizing.. The song ends and you glance at each other wide smiles on your faces and light pink hues dusting your cheeks… You begin to just let a random playlist play different songs ranging from toxic by Britney Spears to The right stuff by new kids on the block plays but then hey Stephen by Taylor swift pops up and suddenly the lyrics come flooding into your mind and you blush brightly quickly skipping it, it’s too early to be playing that, it’s too early to be thinking of Callahan like that and making it so obvious… Luckily for you just before the lyrics really start you’ve made it to Callahan’s house..

Calla quickly hops out and helps you grab one of your bags his other hand grabbing your free one as he leads you to his door.. As you step inside you glance around smiling it’s very clean and simple sure it definitely looks lived in despite what you can see by the bag of trash calla forgot to take out the cleaning supplies he forgot to put back under the cabinet it looks lived in but in a very good way in a comforting way.. You’re not scared you’re gonna ruin anything or like you’re gonna mess anything up “Calla it’s beautiful” He smiles sheepishly as he signs “It’s not much but it’s home here come here and I’ll show you your room and then show you around” You nod and allow him to continue holding your hand as he takes you to your room, once you reach your room he lets go and sets your bag on the bed and you roll your other bag beside it and you nearly shiver at first… Not because the room is cold but your hand is cold and empty feeling like you’ve been outside playing in snow without gloves on so now your hand is freezing but yet feels empty not having the cold snow in it anymore…

He signs “I’ll uh let you settle in and when you’re done you can come out to the living room and we can order pizza or something and watch some tv” You nod and smile softly “Thanks that sounds great” he nods and leaves and so you begin unpacking and as you’re unpacking you get a call it’s from Niki, you smile widely and excitedly as you pick up “Hi Niki!” She smiles excitedly waving “Hi y/n! How’s everything going?!” You sigh in happiness and content as you say “It’s going great ihihi ehe I don’t know if he would like for me to say this but he showed up at the airport dressed like his minecraft skin!” She giggles “No way?! So you still haven’t even seen his face?” Your eyes widen as you suddenly realize “You’re right I haven’t, well I haven’t seen his whole face and I haven’t even seen his hair” Her eyes widen as she says “Is he ever gonna show you his face or what’s going on with that?” You shrug softly grabbing your phone as you finish unpacking “I don’t know honestly? I’m not gonna rush him into doing anything ya know? I mean I know at some point he’s probably gonna take the mask off and he has to take the reindeer onesie off sometime” she nods “Oh yea no no I wasn’t trying to pressure him or anything I was just genuinely curious,so what are you gonna do for your first night and where’s calla’s room compared to yours?” You smile and blush a bit “We’re gonna order pizza and watch tv and his room his just down the hall from mine there’s a bathroom in between our rooms” she wiggles an eyebrow teasingly “So are you gonna cuddle during the tv watching?” You roll your eyes light heartedly “No probably not I don’t wanna make him uncomfortable but then again I don’t know.. maybe… because well…” you pause blushing more hiding your face in your hands as you try and wipe the absolutely love sick look off your face but you’re unable to, Niki’s smile can’t get any wider as she excitedly asks “What what what because what?!” You bite your lip a bit and then take a small breathe before saying “Well he grabbed one of my bags when he met me at the airport and he held his hand out so I thought he wanted my other bag but he shook his head grabbed my hand and held it… and when we were walking to his car his kept holding my hand and when we got to his place he did it again and he actually didn’t let go until he let go so I could unpack…. And you know it’s weird.. my hand has felt cold ever since he let go…” Her eyes soften and she coos softly “Aweee y/n that’s so cute! Maybe you can hold hands when watching tv or something then I’m sure he wouldn’t mind” You nod “maybe maybe I don’t know I’m just so nervous to mess up I mean we’re friends we’re not anything else and this is our first time meeting and as far as I know his first time meeting any of us so I just want it to be good” she nods “Don’t overthink! It’s good you wanna take it slow and it’s good that you’re being cautious and concerned about his needs and comfort but don’t forget your own needs and comfort okay?” You smile thankfully at her “I won’t I won’t! I’m gonna go now I don’t wanna keep him waiting any longer, I love you thank you for everything” she smiles lovingly at you “Of course darling I love you too I’m always here day or night whatever you need whenever you need it bye have a good time” you nod “I will! Bye!”

So with that the call ends and you change into some simple pajama pants and a t-shirt before heading to the living room.. Your eyes widen a bit and seeing the back of Callahan’s head seeing his shortish brunette hair, but then you smirk to yourself a bit seeing he’s stood distracted looking through the TV for a decent movie or TV show… You sneak behind him and poke his sides! He jumps and lets out a small squeak whipping around to face you with wide eyes before his eyes narrow and he playfully smirks at you but then smiles mischievously… “Ohoho mahhannn that was sohoho gohohohod” You were lost in giggles but then saw his face and looked at him and began backing up nervously “Calla… whatever you’re planning d-don’t…” He pauses faking as if he’s thought before shaking his head no and quickly running at you, grabbing you and carrying you to the couch! You squeal in surprise giggles already tumbling out “EEP CALLA Nohohoho!” He tosses you gently onto the couch and carefully sits on your waist straddling you, you cover your face whining softly “Callahahaaaaa” You hear him snicker and you squeak and flinch feeling his hands shoot towards your sides even though they never touched you… You heard a very small laugh and your smile widened as you peeked out from behind your hands and Calla was smiling widely at you lost in thought it seemed…You smirked a bit and poked his stomach and he jumped covering his stomach before his eyes lit again with mischief and his hands darted towards your sides… This time though making contact! His fingers began curiously poking at your sides and he couldn’t help the delighted smile on his face as you squirm back and forth between his poking fingers, soon pokes turn to scribbles and scribbles to squeezes and you’re left laughing your heart out gasping for breathe but you wouldn’t have it any other way… Suddenly a knock is heard interrupting your laughter as Calla pauses and you both realize the pizza is here! Calla swiftly hops off you and runs to the door to pay before you can even manage to collect yourself enough to stand, let alone make it to the door.

Calla already knew all your favorite toppings seeing as you shared most of the same favorite toppings, he came back to the living room carrying two big pizza boxes, a medium box and a very small box… You went to the kitchen and began grabbing you and Calla drinks and plates and by the time you got back Calla already had everything ready to serve and had on the aristocats! You smile fondly at him setting your drinks down as your hand instinctively in a way gently cups his face as you run your thumb along it, he shivers slightly at the coldness of your hand and you giggle “sorry I forgot my hand would be cold, anyways you didn’t have to turn this on we could’ve watched whatever you wanted to” he shrugs softly before his hand comes to cup yours pushing it further against his face as his other hand signs “No you’re the guest so you get first movie choice and since I already know all your favorites and you’ve been talking about wanting to watch this one for weeks we’re watching this one okay?” You smile slightly wider as you nod “Okay whatever you say Calla, I’m not some kind of royalty though so don’t treat me like it okay? I’m just y/n I’m nothing special” even though you may not have necessarily meant to sound so self deprecating or depressing it still hurt Callahan deeply to hear you talk about yourself like that he sighed quietly as he gently removed your hand from his face and in a gentle movement cupped your face with both his hands as he closed his eyes for a few moments before opening them again he did not expect this to happen so soon but he’s gonna follow his gut… He shakily open his mouth saying “y/n p-p-please don’t t-talk a-about yourself like that… you’re even better than royalty honestly… You’re one of the best things to ever happen to me in my entire life and I’ll forever be grateful for you and I… well I… I hope you feel the same… Can I um? Am I allowed to? Is it okay if I?….”

You’re stuck in shock for a moment processing hearing his voice for the first time ever, it’s so nothing like you ever expected yet also somehow it fits him perfectly and you wouldn’t change it at all after finally recollecting yourself you nod and close the gap between your faces… Your lips connect and it’s almost like you feel a little explosion in your stomach like hundreds of mini fireworks went off…The fireworks increasing as he cups your face with both his hands…After a few more seconds you each break apart smiling at each other while blushing bright red… You look at Calla curiously “so um what does this mean?” He shrugs softly his voice a bit scratchy because it’s not used much at all “Well what do you want it to mean?” You shrug back “Well I mean I’d like it to mean something special… I’d like it to mean we’re a thing honestly but I don’t wanna rush you or rush things I mean this is our first time meeting this is literally my first night here and we’ve already kissed… Which I loved the kiss don’t get me wrong I loved it but I guess just for now it’ll be a kiss and nothing more? We’ll just give it the rest of my time here and see at the end of the week to see how we feel? And we’re definitely not going to tell anyone because it’ll make it all harder agreed?” He nodded laughing softly at the last bit “that sounds good and yes I definitely agree, um I know I like just started using my voice but can I go back to signing my throat is actually getting really sore” Your eyes soften as you nod “of course! Never feel like you have to talk to me okay? Don’t force yourself I’m just fine with us using sign to communicate though your voice is really nice to hear don’t feel pressured or insecure or anything I lo-I um… I…” His eyes widen a bit as his blush darkens and he signs “You what? Why do you almost never say you love me?” You sigh softly glancing away before staring at your lap “Because it’s not the same and I was scared… I didn’t wanna say it because when I say it to you I don’t mean it how I say it to everyone else and I just it didn’t feel right saying it to you so much and it being something completely different” He holds your hand gently rubbing his thumb on your palm making you giggle softly and his eyes soften as he uses his free hand to say “It’s okay I get it and I appreciate it now actually knowing why you didn’t say it and I lo- you too!” You smile and roll your eyes light heartedly squeezing his side “You’re such a nerd dude” he squeaks at the squeeze narrowing his eyes playfully and you smirk “You know I still haven’t gotten my revenge yet…” His eyes widen as he backs up and begins to try and stand as he signs “Y/N don’t do it…”

My eyes are widened as I’m backing up seeing the mischievous glint in y/n’s eyes as they say “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t” I sit for a moment trying think of one and just shrug, they snicker “Welp I don’t see or hear you giving me a good reason” With that they begin scribbling on my sides and despite my best efforts to hold back I can’t and I break into giggles that near soft laughter the closer to my ribs or hips they get! They definitely notice because soon after they move one hand to my hip squeezing and kneading as their other scribbles up and down and inbetween my ribs! I let out the most embarrassing squeal before falling into loud laughter! I attempt to squirm away from them but as they hit a couple particularly sensitive areas I actually fall off the couch sending us tumbling the two of us in an out of breathe heap on the floor.. We both groan softly and then giggle “Like the view? Cause I kinda like my view” They scoff and lightly slap my arm before getting off me and pulling me up, I pull them into a hug and they seem worried at first and tense maybe thinking I’m gonna tickle them again but they sigh contently as I fall gently back onto the couch with them keeping my hold on them as I press play on the movie… Y/n falls asleep about half way through the movie and I don’t have the heart to move them so I simply turned on another movie and soon fell asleep my own self..

[itsnothingofinterest]

So with the end supposedly approaching (relatively speaking), people have started giving some thought as to who the final threat is really going to be; Tomura Shigaraki or All For One. It’ll definitely be one of them, they’re the strongest and most established villains by a mile; but both have their own reasons for people to think they’ll be the “final boss” of the series. And far be it from me to keep my opinion to myself; I really think it’s going to be Tomura.

I’m not sure if that’s some level of controversial among the fans hoping for Shigaraki’s redemption, as I do believe the alternative’s gotten a lot of traction lately. Because understand that I’m still expecting his redemption too, and don’t expect his hypothetical final boss status to really prevent that. (Practically nothing can, it’s as much a guaranteed outcome at this point as Deku getting his sixth bonus quirk.) Realistically, the only difference would be if he & Deku then team up to fight the evil potato head, or to...just start fixing stuff I guess.

On that note, the eventual redemption is actually one of the reasons I think he’s the better choice. Almost every point of comparison between the two villain I can think of makes Tomura seem like the better choice, actually...with maybe one or two exceptions. So I wanted to go over all those points of comparison & everything they’ve got going for them as endgame villains and why the comperrisons overall seem to favour Tomura as the final boss.

1. Someone who was defeated to the power of just one man

For one, just looking at pure power levels, AFO’s just not as threatening as Tomura; and there’s not really a way to bridge that gap.

Like, Tomura’s obviously more of a threat personally; he’s got the stronger body that was scientifically enhanced, and only he has Decay on top of the AFO quirk and the collection that came with it. It is just a fact that right now, Tomura is far more powerful. And before anyone thinks that AFO could become an equal threat by just taking over & fighting in his body; that’s not true because, along with just more combat experience that doesn’t rely on an arsenal of quirks, Tomura also has that Shimura trick where you remember your origin and become super bad ass. You know, the trick that All Might used to beat AFO in Kamino. In other words, the most dangerous individual in the series right now is the AFO!Tomura body with specifically Tomura in control.

And as long as the slight edge in mentality in Tomura’s favour exists, there’s not really a way to bridge that gap and have AFO take Tomura’s place as the biggest potential threat. Restore or enhance AFO’s original body? That’s just catching it up with AFO in Tomura’s body, which is still behind Tomura in Tomura’s body. Have AFO boost Tomura’s body with him in control? It would still be better with Tomura in control. There’s no scenario where Tomura isn’t the most powerful character in BNHA.

(Well, except maybe AFO weakening him by, say, stripping him of his quirks; but if he has to make things easier for the heroes to become the most powerful, I think that kind of proves my point anyway.)

But one person can only be so dangerous, so lets talk followers. Tomura has a close knit group of friends & allies on top of a vast army super loyal to him specifically that reaches a six digit figure, and AFO...just doesn’t. And I’ll get back to this later; but I don’t think he wants one either. He sticks to just a handful of people useful to him and what’s left of his Nomu. And while maybe that is the better way for him to accomplish his own personal goals, it’s simply not as threatening as the force which Hawks thought could’ve conquered the country if the heroes hadn’t struck first.

Tomura is a country ending threat, who in the right circumstances could fight literally all of the heroes with a chance of winning, and AFO simply isn’t.

2. His own little world

And to return to what I was talking about earlier, I’m not sure he really cares to be either. Like, people say he wants to conquer everything, and I imagine he’d think regaining lots of money & power would be great down the line; but evidence seems to suggest he doesn’t really care much for the country as a whole or any of the major themes being discussed by the actual main characters at the moment.

I mean if he did, he’d probably have rescued the PLF, that army capable of competing with all of hero society. And he probably wouldn’t have told ~10,000 dangerous and powerful villains indebted to him for their freedom to just run amok while he keeps contact with only the ones useful for his personal goals. And he definitively wouldn’t be laying low & sleeping through his enemies lowest moment & giving them a month to recover, also in service to those personal goals. That activity seems to imply those personal goals matter a whole lot more to him than societal conquest.

And what are those goals? Seemingly, taking over Tomura’s body so he can finally steal One For All. To what end, we’re not 100% sure of, but I believe it’s either a) a weird pride thing where he finally has control over his brother who’s rebelled against him for decades upon decades or b) an attempt at immortality as a sentient & transferable body-controlling quirk. Either way it’s some selfish personal thing he just gets others wrapped up in.

He’s incredibly disconnected from the greater themes and conflicts of the story. He seems to have no opinions on heroics besides how people are stupid for attempting them, and no opinion on society besides that it just naturally sucks. He’s mainly just a nuisance for the actual main characters. This self-important old man stuck in his own little world is supposed to be Deku’s final opponent?

Oh, and on that note-

3. Deku who?

We’re also talking about who’s going to be the final obstacle for Deku to face; and the problem with the being AFO is that...they don’t really have much to bounce off of with each other. You might be able to argue slight foil-ment, but they don’t really know each other, nor do they have any kind of connection to each other besides Deku having OFA so he’s AFO’s enemy by default.

(In fact their latest & 2nd convo, which came out as I was drafting this post out, kind of proves that with how AFO basically just shallowly made fun of him for trying to be a hero. That’s basically the extent of their antagonism.)

In fact, I’m like 80% sure this is a major reason for the Dad For One theory existing; just to give them some connection, something to talk about. Because otherwise AFO is just an evil guy known by people Deku knows/wants to save. He’s basically just another, more dangerous Overhaul; who Deku's already fought. And to AFO, Deku’s just another OFA holder acting all high & mighty; which we also already saw him face in the Kamino fight. So what little they do offer each other has already been done for both of them. And there’s nothing wrong with that for carrying a fight, I just wonder if that can really carry the final fight.

Compare that to Shigaraki, who foils Deku in ways so numerous & obvious it’s almost hard to talk about, such as: their position as successors, strategic thinkers, very similar origins, very similar core characters, team players, red shoes, they looked really similar as kids...just to name a few parallels. Contrasting AFO, there is a lot to work with here that would contributed to a good fight that’d double as a battle of ideologies. And admittedly, we know this because it already has, this is also something we’ve seen before; but there’s a lot more unexplored with their conflict, a lot left unsaid that we could see from them arguing their viewpoints. A lot more than from Deku & AFO anyway.

I mean for Pete’s sake; All Might & Shigaraki have more in common and more to talk about than Deku & AFO. That’s a major problem if those two are meant to carry the final battle; which is why I don’t think they are.

4. Just punch him

There’s also the fact that AFO doesn’t really challenge Deku in any real way; and I’m not just talking about how All Might solo-ing him (twice) should logically mean endgame Deku should also be able to solo him. I’m more talking about how...that’s kind of all he’d need to do. If you can just beat AFO up enough then...that’s it, threat over. Wrapped up in a neat little bow.

To compare, Shigaraki is the greatest threat the heroes have ever faced, the victim most in need of saving, and to top it off, he’s got the gall to be both of those things at once. What’s a hero supposed to do with that? That’s a serious question characters are going to have to think about when deciding how to deal with Shigaraki. His position is that of, not just the greatest challenge, but a set of the greatest challenges a hero could face. And that’s before you get into his side representing those oppressed by serious systemic issues that need to be addressed as well; quite possibly simultaneously.

No one needs to address systemic corruption or prejudice to beat AFO though. They just need to punch him real hard. The biggest challenge AFO presents the heroes is “how do we make sure this guy stops being a problem for good when neither our most secure prison, nor removing his head, did the job?”

(Personally, my answer is to have Tomura do it. Because unlike Deku, Tomura actually does have a proper antagonistic relationship with AFO, so he has reason to be the one to end him besides just being the protagonist. Plus he’s under no obligation not to kill, so there’s that.)

And like yeah, that does make AFO the easier guy to deal with, and thus write an ending around (to say nothing of how he's also the most satisfying person to see punched in the face); but does that really mean Horikoshi would want to use him instead of the more interesting option of Tomura? I mean I guess we can’t be sure, there is merit in writing the easy resolution; but I’d prefer the complex finale if I were in his shoes.

5. Horikoshi’s favourite

And lastly there’s just the issue of which of the two Horikoshi’s put more work into. Spoiler alert: it’s not the guy that spent like 200 chapters in jail being menacing every one in a while.

Tomura is by far the more developed between the two, having constantly evolved over the course of the series. And more than just as a character, as described above he’s been developed as the more threatening and challenging conflict for Deku while also reflecting him in a lot of important ways. We’ve seen the growth of his power & influence, we’ve gotten to know & understand his motives, we’ve seen how he’s been failed by heroes before. Everything about him has built him up as the ultimate villain, the most desperate victim, and overall greatest challenge for Deku and the story as a whole to face.

And AFO is...nearly one of those things. Which is pretty much what he was from his first appearance. He has not developed at all over the series, and from what we can tell from his flashbacks, he hasn’t developed at all over the past ~200 years either. (I’m half tempted to call him more inciting incident then character.) What we have with AFO, as far as a character and a villain goes, is pretty much what we’re getting until he’s done. And, well; if Tomura is a better villain & a better pick for final boss than he was then, that gap’s just going to keep growing.

Like, I doubt it really needs stating how Shigaraki is probably the character Horikoshi has put the most work into in the entire series. And a lot of that work, a lot of his development, has gone to the idea of him surpassing AFO or being a villain foil to Deku, who himself is mean to surpass All Might. For his roll to be usurped by the guy he’s meant to surpass just feels like it’s going against that. Like, it’d feel almost as wrong for his character and the story around him than it would for Deku is All Might got his powers back and took over for him as main protagonist. It just doesn’t feel right for Tomura not to be the final villain, is what I’m getting at.

6. ...One saving grace

Okay, but I will admit one thing AFO has going for him that I would be remiss not to bring up. Besides being the most hated character in a series that also has Endeavor in it, I mean. He’s got this one trait that makes him an effective antagonist to anyone in the series; his complete disregard to pretty much every major theme in the series.

I mean think about it; the major themes of Shigaraki’s circle all revolve around trying to fix the society that rejected them; but AFO believes Society just naturally sucks that way as part of human nature, so their cause is doomed. And the heroes’ major themes all revolve around how to become/what it means to be a hero; but AFO believes trying to do good in that society can’t really be done & also it’s ridiculous to believe comic books are real, so their cause is also doomed and they look stupid doing it. So despite not really interacting with anyone’s core conflict or goals in favour of wrapping them up in his own, he still manages a one-sided ideological opposition with nearly every major player in the series; and that’s not nothing.

But, and I completely understand that this is just a matter of opinion, that kind of just leaves him feeling to me like a good antagonist, not a good final antagonist. I’d still prefer it be Tomura even from this perspective, because he’s able to oppose the ideologies of his opponents on purpose & with proper ideologies of his own.

To summarize:

Shigaraki feels the better choice for final boss because he’s more threatening, more interesting, both as a person and as an opponent for Deku specifically, he’s far more directly tied into the themes of the story and their resolution, & he’s had far more set up. AFO is more hated, and his callous disregard for everything everyone else holds important is something I guess, but that’s pretty much all he’s got going for him in compression. I don’t know about you, but I know who I think would carry the conclusion to the series better.

But I also know this isn’t the most popular take among my villain fan colleagues right now. So if anyone disagrees, I welcome any civil discussion about these two & their viability as final boss.

[jerepars]

Back again lol. Even though the writing just hasn’t been the best this season, I’m not really that mad about the way they’ve portrayed Jeresa. Just looking at this logically, I feel that they gave us 5x02 as our Jeresa episode early on and there really was a lot of sweet moments. Now, inevitably we had to have angst in between. But it’s been constantly cemented that James is in love with Teresa, and strongly implied that she loves him too. They can’t just build that up and leave it unresolved. Plus, with TV shows in general, a couple being together early on in the series just leaves it open for unnecessary conflict and the ship just loses its intrigue. If they give us the Jeresa ending we’re hoping for then it makes sense to have not got them together any episode earlier than the final 2. And despite everything, I think the writers have been a hell of a lot better than others in keeping their ship alive and not causing a irredeemable issue between them. I probably shouldn’t defend them before seeing the next two episodes, but I am hopeful. All that being said, there most definitely should have been more scenes and dialogue between them. We should’ve had a Tony moment between them (I’m so mad about this, especially since the writers acted like it was such a pivotal part of the season and then only showed Pote’s ‘grief’). I’m very sorry for rambling, just wanted to hear your take.

Oh, yes hello, back again, I see. Your ask made me sigh because I think it opens me up to be honest and critical of this season’s writing, and that kind of opinion may not always be favored around here, and also because it requires a response of essay length. But I’ll do it for you, anon, I will. Okay. So you want my take on the portrayal of Jeresa in season 5. Here we go. After the jump:

Let me preempt this by saying the show isn’t too serious (try and tell me this is still a serious show after the kerfuffle that season 5 has been), so you shouldn’t take this too seriously either. I have an opinion but I’m just…me. I encourage everyone to stick to their guns about what they feel about QOTS; what you like about it, what you love about it, what gets you excited, what you think has been done well, what is worthy of praise, etc. etc. etc. I go in pretty hard on the show in the next several (LOL, yes, really) paragraphs. But I am in no way the ultimate authority on all things QOTS.

I don’t think Jeresa would have unnecessary conflict and I don’t think the good ship Jeresa would lose its intrigue. In lieu of conflict, we’ve gotten…*crickets* nothing. No conversations of real value, no meaningful exchange of ideas, no arguments, nothing. If anything, the conflict between Teresa and James that is necessary had been absent. In seasons 1-3, there were always disagreements between Teresa and James. There was never a point reached where it created too much conflict, or unnecessary conflict. It created tension, which is like the very essence of Jeresa, and it showed the dynamic they have that made so many of us fall hard for Jeresa as our ship, as our OTP. I don’t think making them a couple or having them together early on in the season would create unnecessary conflict. I think it could’ve created different conflict than what we’ve seen before, and wouldn’t that be a beautiful thing, to have seen them evolve and deal with each other in ways we haven’t seen before?

So, related to what I said about different conflict, as far as intrigue goes…I don’t think presenting Jeresa as a couple or in a relationship would ever make them flat or boring. When I think back to season 3, when we got Jeresa in 3x05 and 3x09, I wish we’d been offered the chance to see them succeed and see what happened with them if they tried. Like I said, it’d be a different kind of conflict, a different kind of challenge for them to face and have to face together. That sounds so opposite of lacking intrigue to me, anon. That’s a side of Jeresa I would have loved to see.

You’ve pointed out that, in general, on TV shows, getting a couple together too early usually means doom and gloom and failure for them. One of my favorite shows ever was Veronica Mars, the first two seasons especially. When the showrunner, Rob Thomas, has talked about the first kiss Logan and Veronica have, he refers to it as being earned. For QOTS, and for Jeresa, I really felt that when they shared their first kiss in 3x05. It took so much and they went through so much to get to that moment. It was earned. So, with that idea—of the earned kiss, of the earned get together, of the earned relationship—in mind, to me, there is no point in season 5 that would have been too early for Jeresa.

Talking about TV shows and how they usually go in general leads me to my next point: as a viewer, is that what I want and is that what I should expect, to be given more of what’s typical? Maybe the writers and critics and people much smarter than me will tell me it’s my fault, I’m the fool, for wanting to critically engage in media that’s not meant to be consumed that way. Maybe I’m just supposed to accept and enjoy and be happy with what I’m given. No one claimed this wasn’t going to be typical. So okay. It’s on me. It’s my bad. But here’s the thing. If I’m supposed to accept and enjoy and love this as it is…well, give me something to love. I’m not asking for a revolution or anything life-changing here, just something I can appreciate (and this season, in my opinion, has really lacked things that I can hold on to and appreciate). So as for typical TV…I’m not down with merely accepting that because things usually go a certain way, that’s how they always have to go.

Why do Jeresa have to fail if they got together earlier in the season? Why is it so out of the realm of possibility that they might succeed together? Are they so emotionally stunted, do they lack so much compassion and understanding of each other that it would be impossible for them to listen and move forward together? What if they could discuss their issues, tell each other how they feel, stop hiding, and try? Who says there wouldn’t be angst and tension between them as they try to work through their issues? What if they’re actually supposed to be together and it would make them stronger—individually and as a couple?

Now, forget everything I just said. LOL. Let’s say we have to go by TV in general and typical TV rules. Let’s assume if Jeresa got together early on, then we’d see them struggle and fall apart and break up. Fine. Okay.

Here’s how Jeresa could have played out after the first two episodes:

5x03 banging honeymoon phase, probably

5x04 arguments and frustration with each other as T embraces being the white queen

5x05 J finds out about T’s coke usage and has to walk away from the relationship because he can’t stand to be complicit and stand idly by while she destroys herself

5x06 classic Jeresa angst and tension

5x07 KG’s death leads to T’s breaking point and J is there to support her

5x08 honesty hour, where it’s made clear that these two mean so much to one another and they’re running out of time to let each other know that, so they tell each other

5x09 one last united mission + they hatch the plan to get out and be free + a farewell with the promise and intent to see each other in another life

5x10 reunion in another life

Are these all headcanons? Of course they’re headcanons. Of course I would never expect the show to go exactly how I thought it would or with my own ideas. My point is that if they would’ve gotten together early on and we’d been given a glimpse of what that would be like, even if they failed, it doesn’t mean it would’ve been impossible for them to ever find themselves together again before season’s end.

“There’s not enough time,” the writers said. “It’s an action packed season,” the writers said. Okay. Why? There was enough time to spend on backstory of minor insignificant characters. There was enough time to introduce characters, tell us a bit about them, only to see them dead by the end of the episode. There was enough time to focus on Kote’s story, over multiple episodes, with not just a baby plot but a kidnapping one as well. So why? Why was there no time for Jeresa? Forget about them getting together and kissing and sex. If that was what it was (and it was) they wanted us to not have, then fine. Some of my favorite Jeresa moments were in the first two seasons, when Jeresa getting together was very much not a thing, when tension was high. So if it was just the portrayal of them not being together, if we still got the scenes of tension and them having no choice but to communicate, that would be completely fine. Like I said, I know I’m never going to get exactly what I want, my headcanons are mine, so that’s okay. Oh. But…no. Oh no. There was not even enough time for Jeresa to have more than short, throwaway, blink-and-you’ll-miss it conversations? Well. It’s the writers’ decision. They wanted it that way.

“It’s a Teresa-centric season,” Dailyn claimed. Like I’ve said before, James is a big part of Teresa’s journey and story. If you’re going to have a Teresa-centric season, it’s hard to accomplish that without shedding more light on James and Jeresa. This isn’t a Teresa-centric season. This has become the Kote show. Teresa is the main character but her journey has been pushed aside, diminished, and downplayed in order to make way for Kote ultrasounds and Pote grunting and Kelly Anne thinking “positive” and hopeful that Marcel will come to a party at the safe house. Instead of getting conversations that would offer insight into Teresa’s relationships with those in her family, we got an extended deep dive into the most chemistry-lacking relationship we’ve ever seen on the show. Well. It’s the writers’ decision. They wanted it that way.

“It’s Queen of the South, not Jeresa of the South,” the writers will insist. If by that they mean it’s Kote of the South. Imagine for a second that it actually was a Teresa-centric season but they were adamant about keeping James in this minor capacity. Okay. It would still be different than it is now because we’d be in tune with Teresa. We would’ve gotten a glimpse into her thought process. Was this not, at some point, meant to be a story about a strong woman? I can even extend that question to Kelly Anne. Was this not, at some point, meant to be a story about strong women? Then why do we keep seeing them make asinine decisions? Why are their most extreme actions in reaction to what the men have done?

Moreover, if this show is about the people in the cartel, in Teresa’s inner circle, rather than just the Kote side plot becoming the main plot, there’s no way this is the James we would be getting. James, our beloved reluctant assassin…who we know nothing about. He can’t even get a backstory on a show on which he is supposedly one of the main characters. Five minutes—five seconds—couldn’t even be spared on James and how he came to be who he is, how he got where he is. But Isidro Navarro? By all means, I need to hear his life story. Who’s Isidro Navarro, you ask? Right. Exactly. Apparently we don’t deserve backstory and explanation and conversation and introspection from our protagonists. But a character who is there for ten minutes or less on a single episode and will never be heard from again in any significant manner? Of course he needs his screen time. Well. It’s the writers’ decision. They wanted it that way.

“This is not a romance show,” the makers of season 5 said. Honestly? Fuck that noise. Fuck that sentiment. Fuck that ignorance. When has Jeresa ever been about romance? Where do the people who make this show get off saying something like that as if we are so stupid we don’t know that? A romance story and a love story are not the same thing. Jeresa is love. God forbid Jeresa ever experience love within a successful relationship. God forbid Teresa and James ever become mature enough to use love as strength rather than weakness. But pile on all the Kote. Focus on them and emphasize how Teresa and James can barely even look at each other. Well. It’s the writers’ decision. They wanted it that way.

So now here we are, on the cusp of 5x09. We got a spoiler in the last promo trailer. We know, after 7 episodes since their last conversation that actually meant something, after the writers missed the mark and didn’t have Jeresa interact in a way that was significant and necessary over the course of the season, that there is at least one kiss. They might even have a conversation. They might even share more than one kiss that leads to more (but also, don’t be surprised if we get a mere few seconds of a kiss and nothing more before fade to black). This is going to make us so happy because finally, finally, they’re giving us what we wanted. And then what? What does it mean if those things are true? Is everything forgiven? Is the instant gratification of seeing our ship sail for a scene or two enough? Does it make up for the character assassination of the characters we love? If we somehow get the ending we want, or at least one close to it, is it even believable anymore? Is what has been broken all season so easily fixed?

Listen, I already know the counter argument. I’m going to be told I’m crazy, that Teresa has to be on her own, that it wouldn’t be interesting, that it would diminish the payoff for Teresa and Jeresa in the end. I get it. Typical TV rules, right? We have to go with what people know, what they’re used to. But what have we gotten, really, to preserve these ‘rules’ for TV in general? Teresa has been dumbed down and is now lacking a lot of the intuition and street smarts she had before. She makes bad decision after bad decision and she doesn’t see what’s coming. The actions she takes are in reaction to those bad decisions. James hates so much of what he’s been made to do but for some reason he keeps going along and carrying out Teresa’s orders; he’ll just stew over it quietly in a corner without saying anything. Teresa and James don’t talk to each other, at least not about anything important, and when they do talk, they give each other heart eyes but never scratch the surface—how could they when they talk for like 10 seconds at a time? So. Has this been a good portrayal of Jeresa? You tell me. If it’s fine with everyone else, then I guess it’s fine. I’m probably the wrong person to ask.

[sierraraeck]

The Jailbird and the Mouse

Spencer x Fem!OC (Aundreya)

Masterlist

Summary: When Aundreya shows up to consult on a case, Spencer seems less than pleased to see her, but his actions tell a different story. Bonus chapter!

Category: Smut. Hate fuck. Apparently I’m incapable of writing a single thing without some angst, so we’ve got a sprinkle of that in there at the end, too.

Warnings: Cussing. Choking. Nicknames. Degradation. Cuffs are used. Unprotected penetration, female masturbating, oral (male receiving), fingering. Semi-public at the beginning.

Word Count: 8.5k

A/N: Okay so this is supposed to take place during How to Lose Friends when they are both in their fresh, post-prison forms and are beyond pissed at each other, but you don't have to have read that chapter or the series to understand this. Also, shoutout to @writing-in-april for looking this piece over and helping me make some edits!

Things to Know: All you really have to know is that Aundreya was a criminal who’d already been to and broken out of prison, joined the BAU, Spencer and her had a previous relationship, Aundreya got Spencer sent to prison, broke him out, then took the fall for something Spencer was being accused of that she didn’t do, getting herself sent to prison again.

I’d been called back to help the BAU solve a case. Fascinating how when it was convenient for them, I held some value. But, after that I was just easy to throw in a jail cell to be forgotten about.

I didn’t want to be there, but unfortunately I didn’t have a choice. So, I closed my eyes, and took a long, deep breath before forcing the door open. I had barely entered the room, barely had made eye contact with Hotch standing opposite me, before both my shoulder blades were shoved against the wall behind me, with long fingers wrapping around my throat.

“What is she doing here?” the hiss in Reid’s voice sounded exactly how I’d imagined it in my head preparing for this encounter. He looked almost as bad as me. His curls were going in a million directions, and I could only imagine the amount of times he’d run his hands through them, probably due to stress. His eyes were blood-shot, slightly puffy, and the dark bags underneath seemed more defined. The only thing that contrasted all of that, and let me know his head was still in it, was the darkness he now held in his eyes. There was nothing lighthearted or soft about them anymore, at least, not for the moment and certainly not for me. Plus, there was a red-hot rage I could see boiling at the surface. It was like looking in a funhouse mirror, a warped version of myself being reflected back to me. I’d seen the same fury and darkness in my eyes every morning that was in his now, and the irritation that radiated off him matched my own. Really, the only difference between Spencer and I, was he still had his gun and badge and I didn’t.

“I was invited to help consult,” I snapped through my somewhat restricted breath. “So you better get the fuck off me.”

He gave my throat one last tight squeeze before stepping back, his intense gaze never leaving me. I met his gaze with a wicked smile while brushing my fingers over where the ghost of his hand used to be. I wanted him to see that he didn’t affect me. Angry or not, he held no power in our dynamic anymore.

“Chambers, good to see you,” Derek mocked, giving me a side eye laced with suspicion.

“Can’t say I feel the same,” I deadpanned, then turning on Hotch. “So, why am I here?”

“We have reason to believe that a rogue gang member is kidnapping and killing ex-military if they refuse to join,” Hotch explained with seemingly no emotion, as if he was unaffected by my presence.

“Cool,” I deadpanned again before asking, “So why do you need me?”

“We wanted to know if you know anything or have heard anything-” Derek started.

“Heard anything?” I cut him off with a scoff, “You mean besides the constant clanging of metal bars when I’m not left in complete silence by myself? No, I haven’t heard anything.”

“Can you find them?” Spencer asked as if it would be a difficult task for me.

“So you do want my help,” I clarified.

“I want your skills.”

I let out a disgusted chuckle in response to his quip. Venom dripped from my words as I voiced my thoughts from only moments before stepping into the room. “Oh, I get it. You only want me around when it's convenient for you. Otherwise you just wanna give up on me and let me rot in a cell.”

“What was I supposed to do!”

“What were you supposed to do?” I asked in disbelief, eyes wide. “What were you supposed to do?” I mumbled to myself again in a mocking tone, rolling my eyes. I put my hands on the back of the empty chair in front of me I assumed had held Spencer at one point, and leaned in toward him. He’d retreated behind the table since releasing me, and I quietly snarled towards him, “I don’t know, but sitting there on your tiny, plushy ass, wasn’t it. I’m leaving.”

Spencer was back over to me in a flash, slamming his hand on the door before I could even reach for the handle. Someone got better reflexes. I cocked an eyebrow at him.

“We have a suspect list that we want you to review.” Hotch caught me before I pushed Spencer out of my way.

“Fine. Make it quick.” I looked over the list Hotch gave me that contained about 30 men, none of which rang any bells. “This was a waste of time.”

“Hold on, guys,” Garcia trotted in, “I just found something.” She was in such a rush that she initially didn��t see me, bee-lining it straight for Hotch. Handing the iPad over to him, her eyes lifted to take in the rest of the room. That’s when she noticed me. Her eyes grew to the size of beach balls, and her perfectly done lips hung open. I tried not to feel too hurt, knowing that my presence would come as a shock to her, but it still stung seeing her at a loss for words, possibly even scared. She’d really been the only person who still had any hope left for me, and I was starting to wonder if that was true anymore.

My voice softened as I greeted, “Hey, Penelope.”

She struggled for words, a few ‘uhs’ and ‘ums’ headed my direction, ultimately being saved by Hotch. “Dave, you’re with me. Prentiss, Morgan, I want you to go to the ME, Garcia we’ll need you on call, and JJ, Lewis, I want you to go talk to this man.”

“What about me?” Spencer asked.

“You’re going to stay here and watch her,” Hotch commanded. I started laughing at Spencer’s visible discomfort. Spencer glared at me before opening his mouth to argue, but Hotch stopped him with a voice filled with authority, “I know you won’t be able to focus out there if you know she’s still here unattended. Let’s go.”

When everyone had left and the door shut behind them, I sang, “Well if it isn’t Doctor Reid drawing the short end of the stick, yet again.”

“Just sit down and shut up,” he tried to order with confidence as he took his own advice, sitting as far away from me as possible. Not once had he looked me in the eyes since I’d initially walked in and he had attacked me. Sure, his eyes were on me, but they never connected with mine.

“Is that a demand, doctor?” I challenged him.

“No, but it could be. I just don’t want to be the one responsible for letting you get away.” He shrugged in his chair, resting the ankle of his leg on the knee of the other.

“So you’re just gonna trust me to do what you ask?” I questioned. Throughout the entire time I’d known Spencer, he’d never gotten super riled up over something, but this was a whole different Spencer, one that I didn’t recognize or know . He was more on edge, confident, and clearly willing to wrap his hand around my throat with no hesitation. A type of Spencer I was more than happy to get to know. And let’s face it, I’d been in prison for 15 months. There wasn’t a ton of action going on in there that I wanted to get involved with. I just wanted to see how far I could push him before he snapped. “You don’t trust me, and you know you can’t. I put you in prison, just because I could,” I shrugged, contradicting what I’d insinuated earlier for my own entertainment, “and you think that I won’t just walk away from you when given the chance?”

“You’ve had the chance. For the past three minutes and forty-six seconds you could have left and you didn’t. What’s keeping you here?” he smugly fired back. Oh yeah, he’s definitely going to be fun to mess with.

“What’s keeping you here?” I copied, “Why’d Hotch bench you again? Because you can’t focus when I’m around?”

“No one can focus with you around!” he huffed hotly.

“Not well, but they certainly can do better than what you’re doing right now,” I patronized, “What is it about me that makes you all so nervous, huh? I’m just another criminal who happens to be a former co-worker. I thought you were used to working with those day in and day out.”

“Criminals or co-workers?”

“Either.”

“None of them are like you,” he bit.

“Oh I know,” I ran my tongue over my lips, “So I’ll ask again, what is it about me that makes me so different?”

He looked up at me. In contrast to the first time he locked eyes with me, his expression was stone cold. “You were a part of this team, and you betrayed us. You betrayed me. I don’t know how I could’ve been so stupid to believe you were actually helping us! I just want to know why you picked me. You were going to take one of us down, why’d you choose me?” I could see the gears spinning in his head, and was about to answer when he frustratedly added, “Was it because you thought I’m the weakest?”

That’s it. That’s what’s always made him tick. And he used the present tense. We were still an entire table length apart, so I started slowly sauntering toward him. I prodded, “Is that what you think? You believe you’re the weakest on the team? Or do you just think that’s what I thought?”

“We all have our roles,” he responded, but not nearly as confident as he had been before.

“That’s not an answer,” I pushed.

“You still haven’t answered me, either,” he growled, and I decided to let this one go. We didn’t need to fully delve into his insecurities, no matter how much I wanted to.

“It was similar to that. You were the most afraid of me, I could smell it in the air.” I closed my eyes and pretended to revel in the stench of fear. “But, I could’ve gotten any one of them if I wanted.”

Spencer scoffed at that, “I think you overestimate your abilities.”

“I don’t,” I quickly fired back, “I could’ve gotten any of them, and to be honest, I was going to go after Derek, or maybe Emily, but then you spoke up from the corner of the room and I knew it had to be you.”

“Why?”

“Why this, Aundreya, and why that, Aundreya? Is that the only question you can ask?”

“Is it the only question you can’t answer?”

I was about halfway to him now, and decided to give him a little false hope. “I picked you, not because of your intellect, or how the rest of the team coddles you, or how relationship starved you are. I picked you because I could see something in your eyes that was different, something dark. And once I heard your full back story, I realized just how similar the two of us are.”

“We are nothing alike,” he insisted.

“Really? Because had you made one different choice or one thing went just a little bit wrong, you could have ended up just like me, with no family and no one to give a shit about you or what you do, except for the cops who just wanted you locked up and controlled.” I was dangerously close to him now, his head tilted to look at me, but he didn’t cower away. He actually seemed to welcome it. Which reminded me of something, “After knowing all of that, my past and everything I was, you still agreed to let me on your team.”

“I was the last person to say yes to you joining,” he informed me. This was news to me, but I couldn’t even be sure if he was telling me the truth. “I didn’t think it was a good idea for you to be working with us, but I was outnumbered and outranked.”

“No, you caved to their wishes,” I twisted his words to suit my needs, “Like you caved to mine.” I slowly reached down to place a hand on his chest. He eyed it all the way until I made contact with him, and it was like flipping a switch. He grabbed my wrist and held it close as he pushed out of his chair, the wheels spinning it wildly back into the monitor. He reached for my other wrist, which I let him grab, and held me against the wall, arms pinned next to my head. I did everything I could to not smirk. And he’s still caving.

“I didn’t want you here. I resisted the idea of you being around us,” he spat.

“Like you’re resisting the idea of being around me right now?” I arched an eyebrow, scanning him from head to toe, and I couldn’t help but let my gaze linger on a few spots. He opened his mouth to say something, but he shut it again, locking his jaw. I could see his genius mind at work, trying to come up with some way out of the little mouse trap I’d set up for him. I watched his eyes trail down to my lips and neck, soaking it all in. When his eyes met mine again, I tried to reach for him, but he forcefully slammed my hands back, pinning me to the wall again. Though, I wanted him to touch me this time. He was taking too long to make a move for my liking, so I decided if I couldn’t use my arms, I might as well use my legs.

All of his weight was already leaning toward me, so it wasn’t difficult to wrap my right leg around his waist and bring him all the way to me. The moment that they were within inches of my face, I attacked his lips. I was almost disappointed by the fact that he didn’t seem surprised at all, as if he knew how impatient I was and knew that I would force the first move. But, I wasn’t disappointed for long.

Spencer’s whole body was pressed against mine as he quickly swiped his tongue across my bottom lip, looking for entrance. I granted it, but I wasn’t going to give him the complete dominance that he wanted over the kiss. Instead, our tongues slid over each other’s searching for more than the other was willing to give. It was hot and messy, and he released his grip on my wrists, moving them to apply the same amount of force to my jaw. With my hands free, I made quick work of the buttons on his dress shirt, ripping it open. I was expecting skin and sighed when I found yet another shirt. This man and his layers.

Spencer took advantage of me sighing, giving him more access to my mouth, which I wanted to be annoyed about, but couldn’t care to be. I decided to make better use of my hands, running them down the sides of his body as he wrapped his behind my back. He pulled away from me so abruptly when I tried to massage him through his slacks, he basically dropped me on the floor. It was like being left out in a cold winter storm, just barely out of arm's reach of warmth.

Spencer shook his head, eyes on the floor, as if that would clear his mind of what clouded it, which was me. But I wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. “There. You got what you wanted.”

I gaped at him before retorting, “We both know it wasn’t just me who got what I wanted. I’m sure you had a hard time pulling away.”

He glared at me as he rolled the chair back toward the desk and took a seat, “Not really. I have important work to do.”

I stood there staring at him trying to compose himself. His face was red and he tugged at his pants before crossing his leg over the other. I pressed my lips together, but still failed to contain the small laugh that escaped through my nose.

“Sure,” I mocked, “Especially since everyone else on the team is already doing that work for you.” He didn’t look up from whatever papers were on the table, trying in vain to ignore me, though I wasn’t ready to have his attention off me yet.

I shut the folder that he was in the middle of reading, not like he was actually reading it considering how long it was taking him to flip the page, and sat right on top of it. He was about to reach for it again, but retracted his hand at lightning speed when my legs got in the way. I flashed another mockingly sweet smile his way, but he looked out toward the window, right next to the wall I’d just come from. I swung my legs back and forth off the side of the table just a bit, careful not to completely kick Spencer in the shin, though I couldn’t help but let my toes accidentally tap him a few times. As with all of the other times I’d touched him, he moved out of the way, uncrossing his legs with a perfect foot-sized gap in between his knees. I rested my foot in that small gap on the chair, rolling his body closer to me. Then, for no other reason than wanting to feel him squirm underneath me, I plopped down on his lap, my legs straddling his. I pretty much had him locked in his seat.

“What are you doing?” he questioned, a look of complete indifference gracing his face, but I knew it was just a front.

“Just making sure you’re doing your job,” I replied, winking at him.

“And… how do you think this is helping me do my job?”

“I’m making sure you’re paying attention to me,” I whispered in his ear seductively, lacing my fingers together on the back of his neck, “Plus, I’m doing what you asked me to. How did you put it? Sit down and shut-”

Using his thumb and forefinger, he pinched my cheeks and brought my lips to his forcefully. The kiss was just as hungry as the last, teeth clashing and tongues furiously fighting. He moved his long fingers onto my hips with a bruising grip, which I had absentmindedly started grinding against his. He pulled away from me for a moment, and his harsh tone reminded me that this was nothing like the last time we’d been together, when we’d both been a bit more innocent. “You never did have any manners at work.”

I smirked, “I know. Imagine my manners at home.”

A low, almost inaudible groan came from Spencer’s throat at my suggestion, but he tried to cover it up by moving my hair out of the way and latching his lips onto the side of my neck. I gasped at the contact of his teeth pulling at my soft flesh, paired with the feeling of his growing bulge pressed against my core. His fingers gripped my hips harder and moved them faster, drawing a small whimper from my lips. I felt him smile as he trailed kisses down my neck to my collar bone, leaving a single bite mark there. I tried so hard to contain my high-pitched moan when he moved one of his hands from my waist to pinch one of my nipples through my shirt.

But I was supposed to be the clear-headed one, so I forced myself to not get too wrapped up in the feeling. If I wanted to get to my end goal, I was going to have to leave him wanting more, which unfortunately in turn meant leaving myself in the same condition.

My hips had gotten faster along with Spencer’s hands, but when I felt him start to buck his hips up against me, I knew that he was getting close and it had to end. Immediately, I stopped my movements and untangled myself from him, but not before dragging a finger up the column of his throat, sneering, “Too bad. I could’ve helped you, had you done anything to help me.”

I left that open for interpretation, either as a jab to his masculinity or to what started my rage in the first place: being left in prison. He didn’t ask for clarification either, clearly too bothered by being left on edge. He did, however, follow up with, “Help you? Why would I want to do that? You’re a terrible person.”

I grinned as if receiving a medal of honor, “That I am, Doctor.”

I moved the lay down on the couch while Spencer attempted to refocus on his work. I made a show of sighing a couple times and rolling around ‘to find a comfortable position’ on the couch, just to piss him off. I could tell it was working based on his clenched fists turning white, and the way his leg was jumping. He was resting his head in his hand, which almost perfectly shielded my face from his.

He still wasn’t turning the page, so I offered, “Can you flip the page by yourself, or do you need some help?”

He wasn’t given the opportunity to respond, because Hotch, followed by most of the team, came barreling through the door.

“Colby Ulton, 43 years old, has a long record and wasn’t home,” JJ announced, following Hotch. It’d been a while since I had to deal with their inhuman pace when it came to talking about unsubs and profiles, so most of the stuff they said next flew over my head.

I was way behind in the conversation, but none of that mattered when Hotch turned to me, “Colby Ulton. I want you on him.” He'd barely gotten the command out before I was reaching for the door handle.

“I don’t.” The words were hot and dry and coming from none other than Doctor Reid. I rolled my eyes. He moved to step in front of the door, blocking my passage out again, leaning casually with his back against it, arms crossed. Our faces were barely centimeters apart.

“Why not?” I asked in a mock-curious voice.

“I don’t trust you. Who’s to say you won’t just run off? Then we’d let a high-profile criminal walk free. Plus, we’re not even sure he’s the right man,” Spencer pointed out. I was going to point out how I had just made that same argument about me leaving, and he refuted it himself only to bring it back up now, but I didn’t get the chance.

“He’s the best we’ve got right now,” Derek countered. I could tell he sort of just wanted me out of the room, but Spencer’s motives appeared very different.

He never took his eyes off of mine as he recited, “We think it’s a rogue gang member who’s either left or been kicked out within the past year. Ulton’s been in prison, which could mean he’s gone rogue, or it could mean he’s joined a new gang, one that, as you probably know, wouldn’t allow this type of acting out. Either way, he hasn’t demonstrated gang affiliated behavior in almost three years. Not to mention he had his tattoo removed and is out of our age range. I don’t think putting her on, most likely, the wrong man’s trail is worth the risk of letting her walk free.”

The room was silent as we all waited for someone else to make the first move. I decided to be that person. “So what do you suggest they do with me, hm?” I questioned, walking my two fingers up his chest with each word. Then I leaned in and made it very clear, “Because I am not going back to prison.”

I bit his earlobe on the way back, and I saw the way his pupils dilated just slightly at the feeling, “I’ll watch her for the night.”

“What?” Derek and I said at the same time, but our facial expressions were very different.

“Yes,” he stated, more confidently now, “She has nothing to do right now, but we might need her later in the investigation, so sending her all the way back to prison doesn’t make sense.”

“And you'll make sure she doesn’t escape?” Derek questioned.

“She hasn’t so far, has she?” Spencer challenged. When he got unnerved looks from the rest of the team, he assured, shooting a small smirk my way, “Trust me, she won’t.” How cute. He thinks he can wrap his skinny little fingers around my neck and pull a moan from me once, and all the sudden he’s in control. He switched our position, pinning me up against the door, clasping the handcuffs back around my wrists in front of me. I was starting to think he had a thing for pushing people into walls. It was his turn to whisper in my ear, “And you won't want to.”

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

When we arrived back at his apartment, I took a moment to survey the room. It looked almost exactly as it had the last time I’d been there. Books piled up everywhere, papers strewn all over the desk, a little dark and dusty, maybe a bit more worn, but nothing too out of the ordinary. The only difference was that it no longer suited him as well anymore. He used to be this shy, studious, loner-type that didn’t really like people, and he had a certain innocence about him. There was nothing innocent about him anymore. He didn’t seem shy either, much more confident; still studious and a loner though. However, I bet he liked having at least one person over at all times, or not being home at all. It meant that he didn’t have to be alone with his own mind, and after being in solitude myself, and knowing that he’d been in there too, that feeling of complete silence, utter aloneness, was something we’d never want to experience again. We were honestly perfect for each other in that way.

The other thing I’d noticed, based on what I'd seen of him within the last few hours and what I knew prison could do to a person, I guessed he went off of instinct rather than intelligence more than he ever had in his life.

Spencer had to take the time to shrug off his satchel and kick off his shoes, neither of which I even had. All I had was myself and what I was wearing, which wasn’t much. At least I wasn’t in an orange jumpsuit anymore.

“Wow, you’ve really renovated the place,” I snickered. Spencer didn’t say anything, just rolled his eyes and brushed past me. I forced my wrists outward a couple times, making a clanking sound with the cuffs, asking, “You gonna take these off?”

He faced me with a smirk and shook his head slightly, “Don’t think so.” Pulling out a chair at the puny kitchen table, he sat down, and I felt like we were much in the same position we’d been in at the office. I was in his home turf, if I could even call it that, but I wasn’t just going to let him be in charge.

I decided to go straight for the jugular, “Why’d you bring me home, Spence?”

“This isn’t home, not for you,” he snapped.

I scoffed, “Doesn’t look like it is for you, either, but that doesn’t change the question.”

“I told you. I didn’t want to risk you running away.”

“You didn’t want to lose me?” I inquired. He could hear the way I was rephrasing it to change the narrative, not like I was wrong, but he successfully dodged it.

“I didn’t want to lose an asset over the wrong man, tipping the right one off, and potentially risking him going underground. I’m just trying to catch an unsub,” he shrugged.

“You’ve got an answer for everything, don’t you?” I shook my head in amusement.

“You don’t?” he cocked an eyebrow.

“Of course I do,” I quickly answered.

“Then answer this,” Spencer squared his shoulders, now completely facing me, “Why didn’t you run the moment you got the chance?”

“I had three FBI personnel in the car with me, then a team of BAU agents surrounding me, and then was left alone in the same room as an agent who can shoot 100 on his test. I am many things, but I am not stupid nor am I suicidal.”

“How’d you know I shot 100?” Spencer followed up.

I smiled, “I know things.”

“How about all the chances you got when you were in prison? You’ve broken out plenty of times before, why not do it again?” He was leaning forward, and he seemed genuinely curious.

It was a good question, one that I actually hadn’t pre-thought the answer to. Frankly, I wasn’t expecting to even make it this far. “I was biding my time.”

“For..?”

“Leverage.” It was a simple word, but one that seemed to make a great impact. Spencer leaned back in his chair and contemplated my answer. It wasn’t a complete lie either, I just didn’t want to give away too many details.

Spencer finally whispered, “Against?”

I flashed him a wicked smile. “You.” His face contorted into something I couldn’t fully recognize, eyes narrowing. “You, Spencer. I’ve been waiting for you to make an error, a mistake. That was the one flaw in my plan, that while I picked the easiest to emotionally manipulate, I picked the hardest to mentally manipulate. And you don’t make very many mental mistakes, do you Spencer?” I asked, approaching him. I’m really hoping you’d like to cash one in right now, though. I could practically see the internal argument being fought inside Spencer’s head; one side telling him to give in, it wasn’t that bad, the other telling him to resist, that somehow, this would corrupt him further. I needed the former to win. “You wouldn’t let yourself get caught up in the moment, would you? You wouldn’t crack, take what you want, what you need, what you deserve against your better judgement. Because you’re all brain, Spencer. All brain, and no heart.”

That’s what did it.

Spencer literally swept me off my feet, tossing me onto the couch like a rag doll. His hand returned to my throat as if it belonged there, and he pushed open my legs with his knees. My hands may have been cuffed, but they could still be useful. I moved them to start unbuttoning his shirt when he swatted them away. He spat, “I’m not heartless. Not like you.”

“No,” I agreed, “You’re worse. At least I can admit to what I am. You just hide behind a badge and gun.”

Spencer shoved two fingers in my mouth, probably trying to shut me up. I smirked, running my tongue up and down the long digits, making sure to give him a preview of what was to come if he’d let it. His other hand trailed down the side of my body until it reached the waistband of the pants I was wearing. Forcefully, he yanked them down, taking my panties with them. I knew I was already pooling, but of course he had to rub it in. Snarky, he mocked, “For someone who talks a big game, you’re already looking pretty weak.”

I silently cursed my body for finding him arousing, and was about to have to come up with a clever comment when I saw Spencer pause. He was charging straight into this, and then he just stopped. I tilted my head, “Worried you don’t have it in you?”

Spencer met my eyes, and cooly stated, “I’m not going to let you be my mistake.”

Dammit. When I felt him start to pull away, I knew I had to say something to get him to stay. I needed to turn this into an advantage in his eyes, not just mine. “Why? So you can let this rage build up inside of you, eat away at your every thought, until you snap? What then? You lash out during a case, which causes someone to die, either because of your incapabilities or at your hand? And what for? Because you’re still mad at me? I’m right here in front of you, Spencer! You’re never going to get a chance like this again, so just do something!” By the end, it was a plea, and one that was brutally answered.

Spencer pushed two of his fingers inside me, already moving at a quick pace. I let out a small yelp at the sensation which clearly pleased Spencer. I attempted to refocus on unbuttoning his shirt, which became increasingly difficult because of how he was curling his fingers to hit that spot just right. I barely finished, pushing his shirt away from his shoulders when he leaned away from me, taking both of his fingers with him. I was about to complain until I saw him dropping his shirt to the ground and unbuckling his belt, pushing his own pants and underwear out of the way in a similar fashion as he’d done to mine. He pumped his fist over his shaft a couple of times before lining himself up between my wide open legs. He teased my clit with the tip of his cock, and I could feel the precum beading there. I bit my lip as I looked up at him.

Spencer’s eyes were blown when he quietly demanded, “Say it.” He wants me to beg. I was okay with him thinking he was in charge for now, so I played into it by shaking my head. He slammed my cuffed wrists against the arm of the couch just above my head, bringing his face so close I could feel his lips brush mine as he repeated, “Say it.”

It was more forceful the second time, and something about his hot breath on my face and the feeling of his hips trying, and failing, to stay still against mine pulled a whimper all too genuine from my lips, “Punish me.”

At my words, he slammed his cock in my entrance, setting a merciless pace. With no time to adjust to his length, the heat burning between my legs got fiercer. The sounds of his hips hitting mine filled the room, both of us trying to control our moans, not wanting the other to know how much we were really enjoying it. My back arched off the couch, sending my fingers over the arm, brushing over thin objects on the small table there. A pen and paper clip.

I pressed my lips together to contain the grin that just about took over my face. Looking down at Spencer, who was way too busy biting marks into my skin, I could tell he hadn’t noticed the detrimental error I’d just realized he’d made. I made quick work of unclasping the cuffs from around my wrists, but left them on loosely just for show.

The coil in my stomach was getting tighter and tighter, and while I usually would have tried to control myself, I let the moans tear through my lungs. This caught Spencer’s attention, perring up at me with a twinkle in his eyes, one that told me he thought he had me. He mouthed into my neck, “This too much for you to handle, Jailbird?”

I scoffed at his pet name. Alright Doctor Reid, you’ve had your fun. Now let me show you how to really be in charge. “Not in the slightest, Mouse,” I quipped. Before he could think, I wrapped my legs around his waist, and put my hands on the back of his head. I flipped us off the side of the couch, landing on top of Spencer. With the wind knocked out of him, I quickly grabbed his wrist, clasping one of the cuffs around it, looping the chain behind the couch leg, then synching the other around his free wrist. I placed his head on the ground and leaned back, tracing patterns on his chest.

It took him a moment to realize what had just happened, but I saw the moment the light went off. “You filthy bitch.”

I chuckled, “It seems as though that genius memory of yours forgot that I’m a criminally sound escape artist.”

He was fuming, but contained himself long enough to ask, “What changed?” I raised an eyebrow at him. “Since last time? You had no problem letting me take control then.”

I simply stated with disgust, “I was soft then.”

“Who’s to say you aren’t still now?” Spencer challenged.

I laced my fingers with his as I pinned them to the ground, my turn to be the one looking down on him, faces only centimeters apart. We locked eyes as I explained, “You can see it too, I know you can. I wake up and see it in the mirror every day, and I see it in you too now. It’s in your eyes. That darkness. That feeling of destruction, of being broken, of being a monster. It’s there. I can see it like it’s my own.”

I expected him to snap at me. To argue with a clever quip. But he didn’t. Spencer leaned up as far as he could and kissed me. Not in the angry, predatory-like way that we had earlier, but really kissed me. I was so taken aback by the gesture that I practically jumped off him after a few seconds. I hated myself for letting it happen for even that long.

I stormed away from him, hissing, “Don’t try to get my sympathy now that you’re the one chained like a dirty animal. I’m not gonna fall for it.”

I saw something quick flash across his face before it hardened again. I could feel his eyes following my every move as I walked away, so I decided to make a show of it. I swished my hips back and forth, and even bent all the way over to pick up our clothes for no reason, just so he could have a perfect view between my legs. I heard the rattle of the cuffs against the couch and smirked to myself.

Tossing the clothes as far away as possible, I reached under my shirt to unclasp my bra, slipping it out one of the arm holes. I spun it around my index finger a couple of times before letting it fly off in the direction of the rest of our clothes. Toying with the hem of my shirt, I rhythmically moved it around my body so that he could only see some exposed skin at a time. I slowly pulled it higher and higher until I removed the garment completely. Standing completely bare in front of him, looking down on his naked body, I’d never felt more in control.

Spencer was drilling holes into me as I got down on my knees, crawling toward him. Again, his hands shot forward only to be stopped by the metal. I tutted, “Now, now, Mouse. That’s not how this works.”

I stroked a single finger up his length, and when it brushed over the tip, he squeezed his eyes shut. I wetted my lips as I wrapped a single hand around his cock, starting at an agonizingly slow pace, a stark contrast to the one he’d set earlier. I had barely started moving at a faster pace when Spencer started to buck his hips up into my hand. I slammed his hips back down with my other arm, giving him a cold look. His hips stilled and I knew he was getting desperate.

I flattened my palm against his lower belly, making sure he’d stay in place as I steadily picked up the pace. Spencer threw his head back when I swiped my tongue over his tip, and huffed when I retracted my hands, breaking contact all together.

I hummed, “Actually, this isn’t that interesting.” I scooted back on the floor, holding eye contact with his piercing irises as I spread my legs wide open for him to see. Neither one of us has had our release yet, so I might as well take mine and leave him high and dry.

I brushed my fingertips down my body, cupping my breasts on the way, until I reached my clit. I started to rub circles over the bundle of nerves, not realizing how close I already was. I let out exaggerated moans as I continued my ministrations, steadily pushing myself toward the edge.

“Stop.” It was barely a whisper, and I wasn’t sure if I even heard it, so I ignored it. Right as another moan ripped through my lungs, I heard Spencer say, louder and more demanding this time, “Stop.”

I was too close to stop. I barely had the mental capacity to smirk down at him before I felt my release crash over me like a tidal wave. For dramatic effect, I whined out Spencer’s name as my walls clenched around nothing, helping myself through my orgasm. Slowly coming down from my high, my head lulled back, release seeping into his rug.

Barely allowing myself to catch my breath, I leaned forward onto my knees, and looked at Spencer’s face, which was red with anger or desperation I couldn’t tell, but brought my lips down on his dick regardless. He grunted at the sensation, and I could feel the heat radiating off of him. I swirled my tongue around him until I couldn’t anymore, opting to just trace a protruding vein instead. I started to hollow out my cheeks when he bucked up into me, forcing me to take all of him in at once. He groaned when I started gagging around his length, and when I coughed after pulling off him, he had the audacity to laugh.

“Having trouble there, Jailbird?” Spencer smugly asked. I looked down at his length laying against his stomach and saw that it was a deep red, and had to have been painfully hard at that point. With that in mind, along with my recent release, I crawled over him.

I looked at him as I hovered my pussy just above his cock. “I wouldn’t be worried about me. I’d be worried about how you’re gonna take care of yourself with your hands cuffed if I decided I’m done with you.”

That threat wiped the smug look right off his face. I was already wet again, and allowed him to only barely feel what was waiting for him if he behaved, lowering myself down so his length was just brushing my lips.

His face contorted and then he said the word of my victory, “Please.”

Taking hold of his cock in one hand, I lined myself up, and slowly sunk down. He filled me up completely, a bit thicker than I remembered, and I sat comfortably in his lap. This was clearly what Spencer wanted, but there was no way in hell it was going to be that easy. I just sat there looking at him, and based on the crazed look on his face, he was expecting me to start moving immediately.

We stared each other down for a moment before his whole body jerked forward, hands yanking on the cuffs. It was my turn to laugh at his pathetic struggles, but I still didn’t have quite what I wanted yet. Raising my hips up, I quickly slammed them down, pulling the loudest groan I’d heard from Spencer. When I didn’t move again, he started squirming underneath me, and I asked, “What is it you want me to do, Mouse?”

Then he broke, his strangled pleas music to my ears, “God, fuck me, please, just fuck me!”

I grinned as I captured his lips in a vicious kiss, pulling his bottom lip between my teeth. Steadying myself with my palm on his chest, I lifted my hips up, only to let them fall back into his lap. I started slower than either of us wanted, letting myself adjust to his full size before bouncing freely on his dick. The sounds of our heavy moans filled the air, sweat collecting on our bodies.

I was honestly surprised at how long Spencer had lasted when he let out one final shriek before coming undone below me. He’d given up, completely relaxed on the floor as I started chasing my second orgasm. Spencer peered up at me through hooded eyes, and soon enough starting letting out cries, and I knew I was pushing him. I didn’t want to completely overwhelm him but I was so close…

I wouldn’t get there, not yet anyway, because Spencer did something I was not expecting. The couch hit the floor with a loud thud, giving Spencer the freedom to move his arms. He wrapped the chain of the cuffs around the back of my neck and flipped me over in one swift motion, almost identical to how I’d just done it to him.

I was completely caught off guard, and let a surprised squeak leave my lips. I was almost impressed. Almost.

As if he could see straight into my mind, Spencer remarked, “I’m a quick study.” His entire body weight was over me, and there was very little wiggle room for an escape.

I followed Spencer’s eyes as he scanned around the room, glanced at his wrists, then sighed when he spotted his pants. Must’ve been where he put the key.

I raised my pitch and snidely sang like a schoolgirl, “Whatcha gonna do Mouse? You gonna fuck me like the inmate you are, or are you gonna free yourself, hm?”

Pressing his hands down on either side of my perfectly laid out ones above my head, the chain between the cuffs digging into my forearms, he chided, “I’m sure I can handle you just fine with them on. I’m not quite done with you yet, Jailbird.”

My walls fluttered around his cock at the gravelly sound of his voice and the threat that accompanied it. It’s as if he’s chained to me. I shuddered happily at the thought.

“Is that what this is about?” Spencer hissed, clearly catching my pleased look and the way my pussy pulled him in a little more at his harsh words, “You just enjoy seeing me as some twisted killer?”

“I enjoy seeing you for who you truly are.”

I wasn’t able to form another coherent thought after that one, the pace Spencer was pounding into me like one I’d never felt. He fucked his cum from only seconds ago back into me, the wet sound of our mixing fluids filling the room. I could barely focus on where his hands had moved to, teasing my nipples, because the fire between my legs was jumping higher and higher. As it finally burned through me in the sweetest way possible, I reached to grab onto anything, the first thing my fingers found being Spencer’s hair. He growled when I tugged, but his pace never let up.

As I came down from my high, Spencer didn’t stop. The feelings were becoming too strong, too overpowering, pleasure bordering on pain. I tried to pull my hips away from his, but there was nothing I could do. To stop my squirming, he sat back slightly and pressed his large palms down on my hip bones. Moving also changed the angle he was slamming into me, now bottoming out with each thrust. I needed some reprieve.

“Spencer,” I whined, but there was a nothingness in his eyes.

His hands snaked up to my throat, applying massive pressure to my windpipe. “Is this what you wanted?” Spencer yelled, “Is this what you think I truly am?”

I was having trouble getting the air into my lungs, let alone respond. I wanted to force him to face his reality of being an ex-con, knowing how shitty it was to be on the inside and just letting me sit in there. A consequence of my own actions, but considering I was doing it to save him, I was looking for a little bit more effort on the getting out process.

But he’d left me in there. He didn’t care. He didn’t care despite the fact that he knew what I was going through, that I could tell he was still dealing with his own PTSD and not well, and that everything had changed for him. People looked at him and treated him differently. He was a different person. Corrupt. And he’d only been in there for not even three months.

I’d been in there for five times as long.

I wanted him to realize just how much damage him and his useless team were doing to me by not helping me get out. I wanted him to realize how fucked up that was, and how terrible of a person that made him. I wanted him to realize he was just as big of a monster as I was.

I accomplished that. But I underestimated how much darkness he’d really been holding back.

My head started to feel light, and I could tell I was on the brink of my third release. The sound of skin slapping skin was sinful and I couldn’t focus on anything other than the feeling of his tip hitting my a-spot, the way my legs were shaking around his body, the way the muscles in his back felt against my nails as I clawed them down it. My release came quicker than Spencer’s, who wasn’t too far behind me. His thrusts became shallower, as he spilled into me for the second time. It was as if all the energy had been drained out of me in an instant, along with my anger and hatred. Spencer rolled off of me, and I saw his figure weakly collapse to the ground.

It was an eerie calm, the sound of absolute nothingness, the only disturbance being our labored breathing.

I didn’t know how long it’d been when Spencer’s voice, the softest I’d heard it since the day’s start, whispered, “Are you okay?”

I glanced at him with a confused look. He let out a small sigh at my non response, collecting himself before walking over to his long forgotten pants for the cuffs key. After freeing his wrists, he walked back over to me and helped me up, ushering me to the bathroom.

I could tell he was examining me, but it wasn’t until I stood in front of the mirror that I realized why. “Look at those bruises around your neck, Jailbird. They suit you.”

The bruises were deep and already turning a nice purple. I scanned the rest of me finding more bruises on my hips, thighs, shoulders, wrists, and not to mention the bite mark on my collar. I scanned Spencer next, his only bruises coming from his wrists and the red marks I left on his back. “I wasn’t expecting that from you.”

He met my eyes in the mirror, “What were you expecting?”

I shook my head, “I don’t know.” I truly didn’t. I went into it knowing I wanted to force him to see everything he had, everything he was, but I guess I didn’t really think about what that would force me to see. My exhaustion started to give way to a heap of emotions, and a single, involuntary tear escaped my eye. Spencer brushed his fingers over my neck, simultaneously pulling my hair behind my shoulder.

He kissed the tender, bruised skin, and I remembered the times before, the times when it felt like we’d really been in love. I felt his breath on me as he mumbled, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

I turned on my heels to face him, “You didn’t.”

I didn’t know what compelled him to confess what I never thought he would, but he sounded deeply ashamed when admitting, “I wanted to.”

“What stopped you?” I was genuinely curious. We’d hurt each other in the most extreme ways before today, getting the other sent to a cage in hell, betraying each other.

“I’m broken, but I’m not beyond repair, and hurting you would make me someone that I don’t want to be.”

I gave him a tired smile, and all I could muster was, “Pretty convincing.”

“I’m sorry if I scared you.”

“Don’t be, you didn’t. You couldn’t,” I assured him. It was the truth.

“I should’ve,” he bit, looking down at his hands, which were so delicately holding my waist I couldn’t be sure he was even touching me.

“Why?” I questioned, the seriousness evident in my voice, “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

He shook his head, and a stray curl or two tickled my forehead. “I could’ve.”

“I trusted you not to.” I clasped my hands together and rested them on his back.

Spencer’s shaky voice matched his glistening eyes as they locked with mine, “I just wasn’t sure. All I know is that I scare myself sometimes.”

I pressed my forehead against his own, “Well, then I guess we’re two people who have nothing to fear other than ourselves.”

Read the full series

Taging some people:

@justanothetfangirl @kris-stuff @blameitonthenight21 @wooya1224 @unded-bride @swiftingday @dezzxmx @andiebeaword @psychicdonuts @aperrywilliams @goldentournesol @homoose

[descentivity]

Depression, Trauma, (and Most Importantly,) My Thoughts on Hello Charlotte EP1 & 2

Eating has been difficult for me for as long as I remember. It started off as an aversion to food, in favour of spending my time more efficiently on what my dumb little mind viewed as more important: Homework, video games.

Over time, it turned into anorexia. I had already gotten used to eating just under 500 calories a day, and my depression took my poor habits and twisted them into a cowardly and slow attempt at suicide.

On my road to recovery, I’ve found that years of poor eating choices have lead to my body struggling to process food. I have to eat at a painstakingly slow pace lest my stomach turns against me, and the smell of food is sometimes enough to diminish my appetite altogether. My bowel movements are, for lack of a better word, a shitshow.

This brings me to today, the 10th of August, 2021. 6 or so years of barely eating enough to survive later, I’m setting the world record for the slowest consumption of a fillet o’ fish in the history of mankind. 

In my absolute boredom and unfathomable stomach pain, ManlyBadassHero’s playthrough of some random horror game (I can’t remember the name) appears in my YouTube recommended, and I’m reminded of a horror game I bought on sale on Steam, the last of a trilogy. In all honesty, I only bought the game because it was dirt cheap and one of my sisters’ names is Charlotte. I was too horrified at the time to process the story nor play the previous two games, so I did a quick achievement run and left it at that. I was certainly very confused as I had no idea who any of the characters or what any of the concepts were, but the gore had me too mortified to go and find out myself. 

A year later, I’m looking the trilogy up on ManlyBadassHero’s YouTube channel, and decide to start from the beginning of his Hello Charlotte journey, in 2016.

Hello Charlotte EP1

I’m going to be completely honest with you, the first game really didn’t resonate with me too well. It was a cute, quirky, RPG Maker horror game, with two loveable main characters and an interesting world. However, with context from the third game, the events felt too self-isolated and inconsequential. Felix and Charlotte are in a little self-contained TV world created by a fictional race called Pythia - creatures with 3 or 4 eyes that can create miniature dimensions, once brought into a hivemind by an “Oracle,” which seems to be some sort of god. They all seem to be falling apart and have taken a horrific turn as most of the Pythia have been “executed,” and those who haven’t have either gone mad or into hiding in their own bubbles of (albeit temporary) safety.

The ending of the game is somewhat misleading, too. Once Charlotte and Felix escape the TV world by having Charlotte merge with the Oracle itself, the game almost plays off the previous events like they were all a story made up by a young and imaginative Charlotte. Did they happen at all? Is she a reliable narrator or point of view to begin with? (Spoiler alert, she is not.) The explanation for it all seems to be that Charlotte herself is a schizophrenic, though the legitimacy of this is brought into question in the third game, which I will talk about later. Altogether, the game didn’t bring out many strong emotions in me, and I was starting to zone out as I moved on to the second game’s playthrough.

Hello Charlotte EP2

What struck me as odd in the second game is that while the first game seemed to bring Charlotte out of her own strange, black-and-white world and back into reality, we’ve found out that she’s right back where we started last game. A black-and-white world, inhabited by her imaginary friends. Aliens, gods, and the like. However, Charlotte’s seemingly made-up world feels more alive this time. I’m not sure if this is the consequence of the game developer improving their skills or an intentional detail, but even more characters are introduced, and previously shallow tenants of Charlotte’s home are given more depth. The hazmat-suit wearing aliens have faces, personalities and whole backstories attached to them, now. Charlotte has a best friend at school named Anri, who has a obsessive crush on her. She’s friends with a bullying victim named C with horrible germaphobia, who has almost identical struggles to her (more on those struggles later.)

What also surprised me is the continuity between the first and second game. For some reason, I thought that this Charlotte would be starting from scratch, completely oblivious to the fate of the first game’s iteration. However, this concept only seems to be used in the third game, so I guess I was simply mislead. This game, in fact, takes place 3 years after the first, and the Oracle still lives on within Charlotte’s conscious. However, it’s a dying god, on its last leg. It had already been dying during the time of the last few Pythia, but it had used the last of its strength to free Felix and Charlotte from their world. As the Oracle’s health declines, so does Charlotte’s mortal body.

Unlike the first game, most of the themes in this game hit way too close to home. The feeling of second-hand helplessness when someone you barely knew ends their own life. Anri’s obsessive and outright manipulative lesbian crush on Charlotte, bordering on bullying. The schooltime harrassment and trauma Charlotte underwent. The fear and dangers of social interaction. Feeling unlawfully punished by your school teachers for seemingly nothing at all. Depression, self harm, and the primal urge to escape from it. Getting roped into others’ mental health, until both of your issues converge into a disgusting amalgamation of the need but severe lack of therapy and a break from it all. Delusions of what could’ve been and the possible, yet near impossible future ahead. Looking back on everything you’ve ever done and regretting every second of it.

While I ticked off the trauma presented to me on a silver platter in the form of a fucking RPG Maker game like a twisted bucket list, I found myself relating more and more to not only Charlotte, but the students around her. Scarlett, whose life was so perfect that nobody had even thought about her possible mental issues until it was far too late. Anri, who would lay down her life for a girl who simply doesn’t feel the same way. C, who desperately wanted to escape from reality by any means possible.

An interesting fact about Hello Charlotte is that there are numerous omnipotent beings amongst its cast. They aren���t shy about providing very in-depth character analysis to Charlotte, and in turn, to the puppeteer (I suppose now is a good time to inform those who are unfamiliar with the series that the puppeteer refers to a species, character, and the player, all at once. Charlotte has a puppeteer controlling her by the name of Seth. You are/are controlling Seth as the player. Capiche? Capiche.)

What this meant for me watching Manly’s playthrough was the feeling of two gods (in this game, at least) peering right into my soul, analysing characters that reflected my exact experiences and even my personality during my school days. I learned and realised things about myself that I simply hadn’t known before. Just like Charlotte, I’m simply looking for direction in life, and I’m too afraid to act without instructions. I found myself bullied, manipulated and abandoned by someone who simply wanted my affections, and only learned to miss them when they were gone. Like Anri, my desperation for love and approval from an individual in turn lead to anger and resentment for them. Like both Charlotte and C, I eventually turned to hurting myself to make all the pain go away, refusing help from others and developing a shell of false optimism and naivety to forget about the damage I had dealt to my body, personality and relationships.

As much as I hate to admit it on my little obscure Tumblr blog with 0 followers and 0 traction, I still struggle with these things. I have no direction in life, and wander aimlessly, hoping for one of my offshot attempts at content creation to take off. I find myself missing the girl who emotionally abused me to hell and back every day. I resent another girl for never feeling the same way I felt about her. I still don’t take care of myself, and spend every day in a state of denial about my physical decline and sickliness. I’m so incompetent emotionally that I spend days ignoring my own boyfriend, starving him of the proper relationship that he deserves all because of how broken, fragmented and distant my own mind is.

Hello Charlotte EP2 has four endings. All four of them, in my eyes, are bad.

In the first, C and Charlotte overdose together, leaving their mortal realm to become gods. They choose to ignore and forget the pains of their mortal lives, and live the rest of their godly lives in ignorant bliss. Do I want to forget about my depression and trauma? Learn nothing, and forget about everything that made me who I am today? Or worse even, do I dare take the plunge into “godhood,” and leave this mortal plane to end my suffering altogether?

In the second, Charlotte discovers that C isn’t who she thinks he is, and she finds him without a soul. Alive, but empty. Charlotte could not save him. Consumed by grief, she ascends and becomes a god, consuming the entire world around her. After all is said and done, she realizes her mistake. All of her friends are gone, C is still empty and unresponsive, and now she is alone. Sometimes, I feel as though I’ve already gone through this ending, many times over. Countless times I’ve let my depression become all-consuming and take over my life. I’ve pushed so many people away and hurt so many more, and for what? I have nothing to gain from every fit of depression, and the consequences make it seem nothing more but a selfish attempt to make myself feel better.

In the third, Charlotte is the only one who dies. In her last moments, the Oracle comforts her, like a mother cradling her child. They embrace, and say goodbye to each other, as Charlotte’s own life was the only thing keeping the dying god alive. At this point, I’ve started to draw parallels between the Oracle and depression. Depression isn’t always a horrible thing that beats you down and keeps you from being truly happy. Sometimes, wallowing in my own sadness and depression would be the only thing that keeps you sane, stable, and calm. The feeling of hopelessness really is bittersweet, and in desperate times, goes hand-in-hand with acceptance of one’s circumstance. Oftentimes, I find that this is the most realistic way I’ll go out. One day, I may just accept depression, and succomb to it. There may not be a struggle at all. Rather, a quiet, submissive hum, which will fade away into silence.

In the fourth and final ending, Charlotte and C die alongside each other. After her death, Charlotte confronts the Oracle, and wishes to save everyone, and for everyone to be unhappy. Of course, this is where the classic saying: “Be careful what you wish for” comes in. Because of her wish, everyone’s soul, what makes them individual and unique, is erased. After all, no one can suffer if they cannot think at all. In some ways, emptiness is pure bliss. This once again goes back to the bittersweetness of depression. The sheer emptiness it may bring on, at times, is bliss. Feeling nothing isn’t always a bad thing. It’s a way to cope with the horrors of the world. To remember nothing at all is such a tempting yet unattainable solution that I can’t say I haven’t longed for in the near or distant past. Charlotte, of course, is distraught that her friends are all gone, their identities and souls lost forever. Following this, she has one request to make of another god, the observer. She wishes to be killed, as all of her actions have lead to nothing but pain for others and herself. The observer, however, refuses this offer. Instead, he comforts her and takes her hand. They go on a journey together. He suggests that one day, she’ll learn to control her power, and she can recreate the world and her friends. As they leave, Charlotte reflects on her hopes and dreams for the journey. She hopes to learn to be kind, and not hurt others. She wants to change her ways, and become an honest, good person. Charlotte, slowly but surely, is on the road to recovery.

Putting the unsettling sequel to this game aside, maybe I could learn a little bit from Charlotte.

[sarahjtv]

BNHA Chapter 312 Spoiler Analysis: Hero Turned Assassin

It’s Friday, my dudes!  That means the leaks for the new chapter is out!  This time, we’re focusing on our new lady assassin villain who we ended with last week.  Ngl, I love her design and concept.  I actually wouldn’t mind if she stepped on me 😳  All that aside, this was a damn good chapter, but I really hope Deku’s going to be ok taking her on by himself:

Alright, the chapter starts off with a little flashback of Hawks talking to Deku as Deku is suiting up to leave Central hospital.  Hawks reassures Deku that he should be ok from AFO and Shigaraki for now since they aren’t at full power yet.  Their best option would be to take Deku in alive rather than dead.  Hawks can only think of one person who might be capable of capturing Deku: the assassin woman.  Turns out, that woman was his senpai back at the Hero Safety Commision and she’s dangerous.

So, as far as we know, Deku’s most likely going to live several more days even if he does get captured.  However, he’s being hunted down by a highly skilled assassin who was also Hawk’s senpai back in the day.  The fact that Hawks of all people is warning Deku to run away from her if he can say something about her skills.  I can only guess how good her skills are, but I’d say they’re probably somewhere in the S-tier range if Hawks is afraid of her.

The next couple of pages help properly introduce our new villain: Lady Nagant!  A few points here: 1. The bullet is made from her hair which is colored dark blue and pink.  I personally love those two colors, so I’m glad to see that color scheme used on her.  Also hair bullets is such a great concept, 2. That rifle is definitely coming from her elbow which she can bring out and retract at will, which is badass as hell, 3. I looked up the word “Nagant” and it’s actually type of (Russian?) gun that ranges from a 7-shot revolver to a sniper rifle, so that’s a good Villain name for her, 4. She was a former hero under the Safety Commision who decided to go to the dark side for some reason.  Like, did she see the bad side of Hero Society and that caused her to change?  Did she see something in Villainy that caused her to change her POV?  I want to know what?, 5. Again, love her design like hoo boy, Horikoshi snapped with her. 

So, Deku’s on the run from her and he is completely on his own now that his phone is broken.  He doesn’t even know what happened to All Might 😭!  He’s also afraid that All Might and Hawks will be targeted by her.  Deku’s debating wheaher he should run or face Nagant face on.  With someone like Muscular, I wasn’t worried about Deku because he’s not only improved a lot since last time, but he’s taken on Muscular before so he knew what he was fighting.  But, this is a brand-new villain.  Not much is known about her and Deku has never fought her before.  I’d say run, but someone has to take her out.  Maybe Hawks will swoop in and have a reunion with his senpai.  Though, he doesn’t have wings now, so I’m not sure what he can really do against her besides have a chat…

And Deku is shot!  Not fatally thank god, but he did get hit.  Turns out Lady Nagant can actually curve her shots.  Even Deku’s Danger Sense couldn’t detect it in time good lord.  So she can just straight up made bullets that can curve too that is absolutely insane.  Any marksman would be jealous of her.  

Fun Fact of the Day: Based on Horikoshi-sensei’s comment of the week, Lady Nagant and her curve bullet are actually based off the 2008 film Wanted staring James McAvoy and Angelina Jolie (he even thanked Ms. Jolie!)!  I decided to IMDB the film to see if I remembered it and it turns out that I have actually seen a little of it before.  You know that gif of McAvoy smacking Chris Pratt’s face with a keyboard and the loose keys spell out “Fuck You”?  Yeah, that’s from Wanted.  Also, the curved bullet Horikoshi is talking about is when Jolie manages to “curve” a bullet enough to kill a group of assassins who were standing in a circle.  Look, I don’t know if physics can actually make that work in real life, but I’ll be damned if that doesn’t sound badass.

Back to the story, we have a bit of flashback to an old TV special that interviewed 100 active Noteworthy Heroes.  The 25th Pro Hero being interview is none other than Snipe, one of UA’s teachers!  It’s been a hot couple of years since we’ve seen him around.  Actually, we don’t even know if he’s alive…  Let’s assume he is and continue with the story.

Anyway, Snipe was having some good friendly competition in the Long-Range sniping with Lady Nagant back in the day.  He explains while his Quirk, “Homing” allows him to lock-on to anyone within a 600 Meter range, he can’t choose where his attack hits and the hit isn’t that powerful (Shigaraki could’ve actually gotten killed back in the USJ if Snipe wasn’t careful enough damn).  Lady Nagant, on the other hand, has a range of 3 Kilometers with insane accuracy.  I did some quick calculations and it turns out that 3KM = 3,000M!  That’s 5 times farther than what Snipe can do.  That is absolutely nuts!

Lady Nagant’s Quirk is called “Rifle”!  Turns out that the secret lies in her bullets made out of hair.  When she mixes her duel colored hair, it works like epoxy putty.  Epoxy putty is a substance that hardens over time.  It’s normally used as a seal for cracks and holes, and it’s both highly-resistant and unshrinkable when hardened.  So, when Lady Nagant pulls strands out of her hair to mix and mould them, she can harden that hair into a bullet which explains the dark blue and pink fibers in the speaker bullet she fired at Deku’s phone.  Apparently, she can make any kind of bullet she wants ranging from hollow bullets to curved bullets.  She can then load and fire those bullets from her rifle into her right arm.  God, there’s so much potential for a Quirk like this.  The only limit I can think of for this Quirk is if she runs out of hair for bullets similar to how if Ibara Shiozaki from Class 1-B (or 2-B now I guess) would run out of hair to use her Vines.  I wonder if Lady Nagant using her hair so much is the reason why it’s shorter now than when she was a hero.

I gotta say, I think this is one of the coolest and unique Quirks Horikoshi has come up with in a while.  It’s just so unique and imaginative!  I don’t think I could ever come up with an idea like this.  I like that her Quirk is almost like a 2-in-1 thing: the putty hair and the rifle in her arm.  They’re both different functions that work in tandem together.  I also love Nagant hero outfit!  She was rocking the long ponytail work, had a visor and antenna on her right eye for accuracy, and a belt holding her hair bullets.  She’s also freakin’ stacked as hell, but I’ll let this one slide because her design is so freaking great.  

Back to the present, Deku managed to catch the bullet, but his left gauntlet has been damaged.  So, it looks like Deku won’t be punching with his left arm unless All Might has some backup Mid-Gauntlets.  Thankfully he’s found out where Lady Nagant is based on where she shot from just twice.  She’s only about 1KM away and Deku wants to get in closer.  God, Deku is so freaking smart.  I want to know his IQ because it must be insanely high for him to figure out where a trained sniper would be after just 2 bullets.  Nagant also says that Deku’s the first one to deflect 2 of her bullets, so yeah, goddamn Deku!

Now we’re finally getting a look at Overhaul (I’m cool with calling him by his villain name instead of his real name for now btw).  Dude’s broken.  Just completely mentally broken.  I don’t think he even notices Deku.  All he can think about is how he wants to go back to his adoptive father, Eri’s grandfather, the man Overhaul put in a coma.  I thought that Overhaul would be confronting Deku himself, but it looks like he can’t.  Maybe him not being able to get his father out of his coma traumatized him real bad with a lot of guilt.  He probably wants to go back to try to heal his dad.  If he can do that, again, I wonder how now that his Quirk probably functions somewhere else besides his hands.

Anyway, Lady Nagant is kind of protecting Overhaul for now.  She most likely has a plan for him later since she mentions helping Overhaul as soon as she’s done with Deku.  Overhaul would be a useful ally since his Quirk can literally destroy and restore matter both living and non-living.  There’s also that glowing effect on her arm again.  If it’s not a taser like I thought before, then maybe it’s some kind of strength enhancer her Quirk gives her.  That arm gun has to be heavy.  IDK it’s not really explained.  

Flashing back to the Tartarus Prision Break, AFO and his ugly mug are talking to Nagant, calling her the “Traitor Hero” and how it’s an honor to meet her.  Again, Lady Nagant’s skills must be incredibly high enough to be recognize by AFO.  Also, her turning her back on Hero Society must’ve been a big story at the time.

AFO tells Lady Nagant of his plan to capture Deku as he predicted this earlier.  So, either AFO is stupidly good at predicting things or he has a future-sight Quirk like Nighteye had.  I want to say it’s the latter since AFO probably did pick up a Quirk like that sometime in the past.

Lady Nagant originally refused to listen to AFO in a very sassy way LOL!  But, AFO seems to have made a deal with her.  He even mentions that Nagant killed many of her fellow heroes to cause the fall of Pro-Hero Society.  Yeah, killing your fellow colleagues will definitely get you sent straight to Tartarus…  I REALLY need to know what made her turn to the Dark Side Anakin Skywalker style.

Also, personal theory that I highly doubt is true, but I wonder if Lady Nagant is the real “UA Traitor” not any of the students.  If she can make bullets that she can remotely talk through, then she could probably make bullets that can eavesdrop on people.  Maybe she listened in on UA and told the LoV about the training camp.  Or she was locked in Tartarus before then and I’m just projecting my hopes/fears onto her.  That could be it too.

Actually, I just realized that she could probably wrap objects around her bullets and fire them.  So, she probably wrapped a speaker around her hair and that’s how she remotely spoke to Deku.  Eh, she could still wrap some listening device around her hair and eavesdrop that way.  I’m just Pepe Silvia’ing the possibilities of Rifle at this point.

AFO uses Overhaul as an example of someone who became a victim of Pro-Heroes.  This give him enough leverage to make a deal with Lady Nagant.  So, as part of the contract, AFO granted her his Air Walk Quirk!  On paper, a passive Quirk like Air Walk doesn’t seem very useful.  But, this series has proved to us time and time again that passive/support Quirks can be just as/if not more amazing than raw-powered Quirks.  So, a Quirk like Air Walk can get Lady Nagant to so many places for her to fire her bullets.  It’s an incredibly useful Quirk for a sniper.  I do wonder what the limits of it are (because all Quirks have some sort of limitation), but I guess we’ll find that out later.  I really do wonder how Deku’s going to handle Lady Nagant and Overhaul though.  That’s going to be interesting.

Oh boy, that the chapter!  Solid chapter per usual.  Gah, my fingers hurt after typing so much.  I’m glad we got to know more about Lady Nagant!  She was a mystery for weeks, but we finally got some backstory on her.  So, some answers, but a lot of questions are left behind.  I’m actually glad we’re still sticking with Deku so far.  I still want to see Bakugo and Shoto, but we also haven’t gotten a purely Deku-centric arc for a while, so this is good.  Horikoshi truly doesn’t miss!  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to be screaming about the next anime episode and Shoto Todoroki sakuga for the next week I will not apologize.         

Me @ Horikoshi every chapter:

Also, this is the Wanted scene I was talking about before:

[uservillanelle]

Killing Eve ending with season 4

I’ve never imagined I would be writing this rant simply because I KNEW that if KE wanted to do right by us, the fans, they would need more than just 8 more episodes to properly end the show AND the story of of the main plot, which is obviously, VILLANEVE. You really want to tell me we’ve gotten enough material, character growth and enough of scenes between these two characters? We haven’t even gotten enough information about Eve’s backstory, talk about Villaneve and where they would be standing as a couple. 

There is NO way they will be able to wrap everything up with one more season. It’s been three seasons so far and we don’t really know that much about the Twelve, which was just a side plot for the most part and now that they are “planning” for future spin-offs, I’m getting the idea that maybe that’s what they had in mind this entire time. Having to explore The Twelve through spin-offs? But one thing I’m certain about is that no possible spin-offs will be able to provide the intensity, chemistry and such unique and powerful unexpainable bond that Villaneve has thanks to Sandra and Jodie. After they go, I really don’t think I will be staying around for any spin-offs and that’s their mistake, for thinking that most of us will. 

Did they know season 4 would be the last when they were writing season 3? I doubt it, because if they did... they would’ve made the season way more impactful and we would get the sense that the actual plot and show was getting to a close. I didn’t feel it. I still don’t feel it. And I have a bad feeling that even while I will be watching season 4.... I will still have too many questions and not enough answers for me to properly say goodbye to this amazing show. 

They could’ve accounted that season 4 would be the last when announced it last year. It’s one of the reasons why I was so certain it wouldn’t end there but here we are. 

I just have this feeling... that, let’s say, season 4 won’t be able to do justice to the show and the characters, this fandom’s writers will. We have come up with so many different amazing ideas for fanfics and amazing stories to read and I am proud to say that this fandom has some of the BEST writers a fandom can have and I know they won’t disappoint us. So in case season 4 will be similar to season 3, I know for sure our fandom will come up with ways to finish the story right. 

On that note... I think I’m going to go deal with my feelings because news like that are A LOT and I will be missing this show and it’s characters to pieces... 

[jeongyunhoed]

8 Stories, 8 Movies from the Golden Age (1930s to 1960s).

It’s the golden age and 8 men are the most sought-after actors in Hollywood. Ateez, but make them Old Hollywood, basically. Lights, camera, action!

Member: Jongho

Genre: Murder mystery, a little bit of comedy, a little bit of romance

Warnings: Murder (as it is a murder mystery), mentions of it including suicide, death, blackmail

Things to note: Divorce then getting back together, infidelity (don’t cheat, it’s bad), horse racing, set in the 1930s.

Will have OCs

As with the rest of the stories in the AU, there will be other idols mentioned.

A/N: Here’s the third and last part of Jongho’s story. The third story in this series is Yunho and! It’s another murder mystery. 

Masterlist

Prominent surgeon Choi Jongho is forced to team up with his murder mystery author ex-wife to investigate a murder at a racetrack.

The Ex-Mrs. Choi

tag list: @minervaaaaaaaa , @closer-stars

Part 3 - Final

Jongho arrived at the address San told him about, but as he arrived, the door was open and the familiar figure of his ex-wife was in view. He sighed as he pushed the door open a little bit more to let himself in. 

“Is that you, Jongho? Come in, come in,” Miyoung whispered, looking over her shoulder at him. 

“Kim Miyoung, what are you doing here?” He asked, very gently closing the door behind him. 

“Oh, I read that telegram you sent yourself. I knew you wouldn’t let me come over here so I resealed the telegram and went down here,” She replied, moving ahead to look around the room. Everything appeared to be untouched, as if the person who occupied the room never left with how some of the decor looked a little haphazard. 

“How did you get in?” He watched her, stopping to take a look around where he was standing. 

“If you’re going to keep on house breaking, Dr. Choi, you should never be without a hairpin,” Miyoung pointed to the pin she was wearing before moving towards the shelves. “So, what are we here for?” 

“We’ll take a quick look around then we’ll get out of here.” 

“Hmm, I must say this place is very cozy,” Miyoung looked impressed. She opened her purse. “So far I only found this before you arrived,” She showed him a box of unusually large pills.

Jongho approached her, taking a closer look at the pills. “These are capsules.” 

“But they’re so big, I don’t know how a person can swallow a pill as big as this,” She said, looking astonished. 

“Hongjoong didn’t give medicine to people, Miyoungie,” He pointed out. “And horses have very big throats.” 

“But, Hongjoong never lived here,” Miyoung gestured to the rest of the room. 

“How do you know?” 

“I asked the janitor when I came here about this room, and he said the fellow who had this room had a mole under his eye.” 

“A mole under his eye?” Miyoung nodded. Jongho suddenly gaped, slowly piecing everything he knew. “Miyoung, I got it!” It was beginning to make sense. 

“Got what?” 

“Choi San claimed that Hongjoong made a bet on Wave, but he didn’t. Hongjoong didn’t rent this apartment either, it was the guy with the mole under his eye pretending to be Hongjoong, he had it all worked out,” Jongho said. “San was supposed to send the winnings to this address, and the guy with the mole could’ve gotten them but San messed up his plans by calling Hongjoong, the real Hongjoong, and giving the money to him instead. That’s how Hongjoong found out about this place, and-” He stopped to swat something small and black in the air. 

“What was that?” She was confused. 

“It’s a spider, it was a little above your head,” Jongho wiped the silky thread that was the web from his hands. 

“Thanks,” Miyoung sighed in relief. “Then, it was that guy pretending to be Hongjoong and called you earlier. It’s obvious.” 

“Miyoung, it must be obvious if even you noticed it, and now all we need to do is to find him and we’ve got the murderer,” Jongho felt more assured of what they needed to do again. 

She frowned. “Well, there’s no use staying down here, I already looked all over the place. There’s something funny about this apartment though, there isn’t any beds, can you imagine renting a room without a bed?” 

“My dear Kim Miyoung, have you heard of a wall bed?” Jongho said, immediately spotting the markings on the wall that indicated the concealed furniture. Miyoung nodded when she saw where he was standing. 

“Okay then, take it down for me, darling,” She said. 

“What for?” 

“I-I want to look under it,” Miyoung replied.

Jongho nodded. “Very well, my sweet, now you can look to your heart’s content-” He said, taking the small rope to pull down the blank wall revealing an already made bed but they paused at what they saw hidden, staring at it in horror. A suited man fell forward, face down and his head on the end of the bed. 

“It’s a man!” She squealed. “Who is it?” She asked, hiding her face behind her hands as Jongho bent down to inspect the body. 

“I-I don’t know,” He shook his head, checking for more details but pausing when he saw the mole under the man’s eye. “Judging from that mole under his eye, this must be our murderer.” 

“But Jongho, he’s dead,” She said. 

“And there’s not a mark on him from what I can see,” Jongho lifted the collars and the sleeves. “Miyoung, run down to the phone and call up Lt. Jeong and tell him to get here as fast as he can,” He glanced at her, immediately seeing her frozen and looking terrified. “What are you standing there for?” 

“Jongho, behind you, the window’s open, there’s a hand there with a gun,” Miyoung whispered, unable to move any further from fear. 

He gave her a look, shaking his head. “Miyoung, listen-” 

“Don’t get up, Jongho,” She said. “Jongho! Jongho!” A gunshot was heard. Jongho fell to the floor. 

~ 

Miyoung stood by the couch at their apartment the next morning, watching him sleep with a bandage covering the side of his head and a blanket covering most of his body to keep him warm. It was a miracle they escaped before the shooter fired more bullets at them. She gently pushed his hair back even more, smiling at how nice he looked even when wounded. Yeosang had already returned and was busy taking care of the dirty sheets and linens from the day before when they spilled gelatin over the table cloth. 

She bent down in front of him, smoothing his hair back again. “Goodbye Jongho,” She said softly. 

“Hmm?” He hummed, eyes slowly opening. “What’s the matter? What’s going on?”

“I just thought I’d say goodbye now,” She leaned over the edge of the couch, careful not to pull the blanket off, but Jongho pulled it off of himself anyway. 

“Where are you going?” 

“I don’t know. Oh, Jongho, I’m so sorry.” 

“Sorry for what?” 

“For this, it’s all my fault, I got you into it, I thought it was going to be fun but, when you got hurt,” Miyoung looked down. “Well, I’m wrong, that’s all. I’m getting out and you won’t be bothered with me anymore.” 

“Not even the alimony?” Jongho remembered. 

“Oh Jongho, that was just a gag to get near you again,” She admitted. 

“Well, I hate to say it worked, it worked,” Jongho looked into her eyes as he was slowly sitting up. “Will you marry me again, Miyoung?” 

“What- Jongho, you have to lie down, you’ve got a fever,” Miyoung gently pushed him back. “Getting shot, even if you were just grazed can be enough to get people delirious.” 

He waved a hand dismissively. “I’m fine. I mean it, Miyoung. I’ve been a chump. I found that out when I was going to let you go,  then you came back and then,” His gaze softened. “There it is, I want you to stay with me, what do you say? Will you marry me?” 

The biggest smile formed on Miyoung’s lips. “Dr. Choi, in a word, yes,” and she kissed him. 

~ 

Moments later, when Jongho was rested enough to get up from the bed he made on the couch, he saw Miyoung walking back and forth, carrying some small boxes into her room. There was a skip in her step and she was humming a tune. He smiled to himself, realizing that she wasn’t going away forever in the first place. “What in the world are you doing?” He asked, breaking the kind of silence between them. 

“Nothing, just packing for our wedding trip,” She called out from her room, coming back out with a larger box. 

“What’s all this on the floor?” There were random objects at his feet that he only realized was there. 

“Oh, just things I’m thinking of using for my murder mysteries,” Miyoung held up a crowbar. “This is for a crowbar mystery.” 

“There’s nothing more mysterious than that.” 

Miyoung held up the round life preserver on the side. “This one, is for a life preserver mystery.”

“That ought to drown a man very nicely. What are these?” Jongho noticed some building blocks and a toy horse. 

“Oh, that was the cutest idea I had, a mystery for children, murder with toys. I still think it would’ve worked because it was such a good idea.” 

“I see that,” Jongho felt slightly relieved. He wasn’t ready just yet, and it wasn’t as if they did anything yet. “What’s this?” He was holding up a plastic spider. 

“A toy spider, oh yeah, that’s in the wrong box,” Miyoung frowned slightly. “That was another story I had. Don’t lose that, I might use it.” 

Jongho gaped at her. “Wait a second, I killed a spider at Powell street last night,” He said. “What else did we find there again?” 

“A wall bed,” She recalled. 

“A wall bed. Oh well, that’s no good,” Jongho’s mind was racing again. The spider meant something more than having been there at the apartment they snooped in the night before. “Ah! I got it! The capsules! The capsules are gelatin,” He turned to her. “Miyoungie, I’ve been blind! How could I not have figured that out? It was right in front of me all this time. Can you get me those capsules we found?” 

“Got it,” She said, intrigued by what he was figuring out. 

“Lieutenant Jeong is here, sir,” Yeosang suddenly announced, the detective stepping inside. 

“Good morning, Dr. Choi,” Yunho greeted him right away upon seeing him appear. “You’re looking lively for a man who was almost dead.” 

“How are you, lieutenant?” Jongho asked. “Come in here and sit down,” He gestured to the couch. 

The officer nodded. “Oh, and this is Mr. Johnny Suh, president of the jockey club,” Yunho introduced them and they shook hands. 

“Here you are, Jongho! Oh, hello,” Miyoung stopped to greet them. 

“Good morning Mrs. Choi,” Yunho nodded and she sat near Jongho, handing him the capsules. “Well, Dr. Choi, we performed an autopsy on Jung Wooyoung, that’s the guy with the mole under his eye. Exactly the same symptoms as Lee Taeyong, the left ventricle collapsed. As soon as I saw there was some connection with his death and Taeyong’s, I notified Mr. Suh over here.” 

“This has been a shock to me, Dr. Choi, horse racing is a clean sport and we intend to keep it that way,” Johnny shook his head. 

“I’m sure you will, Mr. Suh,” Jongho said. “Now, I’ve got something very interesting to show you and the lieutenant,” He took out one of the capsules. “What’s this?” 

“A toy spider. Hidden in a capsule” Johnny replied.  

“No, but something a lot more dangerous than that,” Jongho shook his head. “Now, I’ll light a match,” He took the box from the side table and struck it, producing the flame and placing it under the capsule. “See?” The capsule was melting and the spider fell out. 

“A toy out of a capsule,” Miyoung said. 

“No you don’t, that is a weapon, the weapon used on Lee Taeyong and Jung Wooyoung,” Jongho explained. Yunho and Johnny looked confused. “That’s a black widow spider, lieutenant, Mr. Suh. The murderer put the spider into the capsule which was then placed on the victim’s body. I used a match to make it melt faster, but the body heat, especially during a time of excitement, would melt the capsule and leave the spider free to bite.” 

“A black widow spider,” Yunho looked amazed. 

“It explains everything, lieutenant,” Jongho nodded. “The collapse of the left ventricle, the symptoms of strangulation or drowning.”

“Well that’s a new one on me,” Yunho said. 

“Now all you need to do is to catch this spider breeder the next time he gets to work,” Jongho explained. 

“The next time? You mean this is going to be an epidemic?” Yunho stared at him. 

“No, but he has to attempt one more murder.” 

“Wait a minute, I don’t understand,” Confusion remained on Johnny’s face. 

“I beg your pardon, I thought the lieutenant had already explained to you,” Jongho said. “Mr. Suh, the murderer was working to get money, that’s why he bet on Wave, to get an outside chance-” 

“And then murdered Illusion’s jockey, Lee Taeyong,” Miyoung quipped. 

“Thank you, Miyoung,” Jongho patted her hand. “Kim Hongjoong was suspicious of the whole affair. He started investigating-” 

“But he got too close for comfort so the murderer killed him.” 

“Thank you Miyoung. Then Jung Wooyoung, who was working with murderer, knew too much-” 

“So he polished Wooyoung off just as he did Lee Taeyong.” 

Jongho side-eyed her. “Thank you Miyoung. Why don’t you go on, dear?” 

“That’s as far as I can go,” Miyoung pursed her lips. 

“Oh, well anyhow lieutenant, the only thing left is that he still needs money. Not only has he not won his bet, but he’s lost the 25 million won he put up the day before yesterday,” Jongho finished. 

“So the murderer will strike again, hmm?” Yunho asked. 

“Then that means the same thing is likely to happen again at the track at any time,” Johnny figured it out as well. 

“That’s what we’ve been explaining to you, Mr. Suh,” Miyoung spoke. 

“Lieutenant Jeong, you have to stop this thing, it might happen again today,” Johnny turned to the officer. “Illusion and Wave, they’re racing today at the track.” 

“There you have it gentlemen. You should get going, Lieutenant.” 

“Yeah I know that but where?” Yunho was confused this time. “Where would you suggest?”

“You’ll have to catch the murderer. I have other work to do,” Jongho said. 

“I should say he has. We’re going to get married,” Miyoung linked her arm with his. 

“Hmm? That might have to wait for now, Miyoung,” Jongho let go of her. “I’ve got to save the life of the jockey who will be racing today.” 

“You can be assured Dr. Choi, of my full cooperation,” Johnny said. “If there’s anything I can do to help you.” 

“Thank you and yes, I’ll need your help. One, I want eight to ten motion picture cameras to be placed at my disposal at the track. Two, I want to inoculate the jockey who will ride Illusion with antivenom. Three, this is for you, lieutenant,” Jongho turned to Yunho. “I’d like the following people in my living room this evening; Mr. and Mrs. Song, Mr. and Mrs. Park, and Choi San. Agreed?” 

“They’ll be here.” 

“Good, I’ve got to run,” Jongho rushed back into his room to change. 

“But-but Jongho, our wedding!” Miyoung called out, watching him button up his jacket and following the lieutenant and Mr. Suh out. 

“Bye Miyoungie,” He said. 

“Oh, this will make a very interesting lawsuit,” Miyoung called out to him by the door, frowning. “Non-payment of alimony and breach of promise.” 

~ 

Miyoung soon followed Jongho to the racetrack later that day. Crowds of people were attending, some buying popcorn and snacks from nearby vendors standing by. Empty fields by the race track were immediately occupied with cars. The sudden playing of the trumpet signaled that the race was about to begin. “Jongho! Jongho!” She called out to him, greeting him with a kiss on his cheek when she arrived. “Did you inoculate Illusion’s jockey?” 

“Yes, but with some difficulty,” Jongho replied, eyes still fixed at the crowds. 

“I always thought you used a hypodermic needle. What do we do now?” Miyoung figured to scan the crowds in front of them as well. 

“Nothing, I’ve done everything I can. The jockey won’t be killed,” He replied, linking her arm with his. 

“Do you think Yunho would be able to catch the murderer?” 

“I know he won’t.” 

The thunderous applause and cheers meant that the race had begun. The sounds of galloping horses soon filled the air, with Jongho and Miyoung keeping watch at the jockey riding Illusion. “Jongho, roll up your sleeve,” She patted his arm. 

“Illusion’s running sixth,” Jongho was still watching the race. “Wait, what?”

“Roll up your sleeve.” 

“What for?”

“I’m going to inoculate you,” She was worried. 

“Miyoung, what are you talking about?” 

“Use your head, Jongho, there have been attempts on your life already, what’s going to happen when the murderer discovers your plan?” 

“Well I haven’t thought of that.”

She tugged on his arm. “I don’t want you killed, Jongho. Believe me, when someone catches the murderer, and I don’t think they might today, you might not be free from danger because they know you’re now involved in looking for them.” 

“There’s really nothing I can do about that now, I brought only one dose of antitoxin and I gave it to the jockey,” He pointed out. 

“Oh,” She frowned. “In that case, let’s just enjoy the race.” 

“And coming down to the line towards the finish now is Wave and Illusion, Wave and Illusion running neck and neck and now Illusion is going away!” The announcer reported. “It’s Illusion and Wave! And Illusion is the winner by a head!” More cheers and applause erupted from the stands. 

“Well, Dr. Choi, there’s your race, nothing happened,” Yunho appeared nearby. “Everything’s fine.” 

“Then it’s a moral victory for you, lieutenant,” Jongho nodded. 

“Oh I don’t think so! Look! Look out there!” Miyoung pointed to the tracks. 

“It’s Illusion running away!” Yunho looked alarmed. 

“The jockey’s off! He’s lying on the ground!” She squealed. 

“Come on, lieutenant!” Jongho and Miyoung rushed down from their places, moving past the crowds and onto the track. Some of the track officials were also watching, shocked at what was happening. Jongho went ahead as the lieutenant told everyone else that was surrounding them to move back. “Get his shirt open,” He told Miyoung and she followed suit. 

As they had anticipated, the black widow spider was crawling on the jockey’s chest. “The spider! On his chest! Get it off!” Yunho took a newspaper to swipe the insect away. 

“Well, there’s the murderer,” Jongho said. “The black widow spider. I gave the jockey antitoxin before the race so he’ll be just fine.” 

“Oh I apologize, Dr. Choi,” Yunho sighed. “I’d give a month’s pay to know who put that on him.” 

“That won’t be hard to find out. Wait until tonight,” Jongho assured him. 

~ 

“Mr. Song Mingi? Mrs. Song Jihye? Choi San?” Miyoung announced the names in a roll call from a piece of paper. “Kim Miyoung? Oh, that’s me. Mr. Park Seonghwa? and Mrs. Park?” She gestured for Yeosang to serve the cocktails that evening. 

“Now, I hope you don’t mind lieutenant,” Mingi spoke, then turning to Jongho. “Dr. Choi, I’d like very much to know why we’re here.” 

“Well, the doctor here had an idea,” Yunho gestured to the shorter male. “We figured out that you’re all suspects so we invited you all here. The one that didn’t show up was our man, or woman.” 

“But unfortunately all of you did show up,” Jongho pointed out. “So that lets the police out of the party. Lt. Jeong, you can go now.” 

Yunho nodded, bidding them goodbye as he left the apartment. Yeosang stepped out of the way as soon as he set down the last of the drinks. “Well, I guess we can all go now,” San sat up.  

“Oh please don’t go now, we’re such a nice, cozy little group” Miyoung said. 

“I’ll tell you what, I’ve got something that would interest you, all of you,” Jongho suggested, eyeing each and every one of them. He immediately noticed some tension between Mrs. Park and San. “How would you like to see some pictures?” 

“Right here in the house?” San asked. 

“I think you might be interested. You’re all racing people and I’ve got some good track scenes. I think you’ll enjoy this a lot.” 

“Make yourselves comfortable,” Miyoung appeared with a tray of canapes to serve them. 

“Alright, Yeosang! Turn on the machine,” Jongho called out, switching off the lights in the living room. A whirring of the projector later and a video reel flashed on the space above the mantle. 

“That’s today’s race,” Mrs. Park pointed out. “In the paddock. There’s Illusion!” 

“And there’s Wave,” Seonghwa sat up, putting down his champagne glass. 

“Exactly. Which is what you’re really here to see,” Jongho observed their expressions. “I still think one of you is guilty and today one of you planned another coup. Again, one of you tried to murder Illusion’s jockey. We’ve proven that Lee Taeyong was murdered, and the same method was tried on Lee Jeno this afternoon. The murder was committed by placing a capsule on the jockey’s body, containing a black widow spider. The heat of his body melted the capsule, the spider was released to bite the jockey, and the murder was completed. In just a moment, you’ll see the murderer himself just before the race, putting the capsule on the jockey’s back” He looked back at the movie. “Isn’t that you up there, Mr. Song? Leaning against the wall.” 

“Yes, yes, I went in for a moment,” Mingi replied. 

“But he was nowhere near Jeno, isn’t he?” Miyoung was also watching the events. “Oh, Mr. Choi San,” She noticed the man shown near the jockey. “But he’s putting his hand on spike’s shoulder.” 

“Hey, hey, wait a minute, don’t try and pin anything on me,” San glared at them. “Mrs. Park has her hand on Jeno’s shoulder now!” He pointed. 

“I didn’t put anything!” Mrs. Park panicked. 

“Mrs. Park, you really didn’t, it’s alright!” Jongho said, noticing the commotion that was ensuing among their guests the more they watched. “Mr. Park! His hand is on Jeno’s shoulder and now on the back! Lights!” He called out as the movie was over. 

Miyoung quickly turned the lights back on and the whole room was silent. One seat was unoccupied. “Who’s out?” She asked. 

“I’m over here, doctor.” 

They turned, getting up when they saw Seonghwa standing by the door with a gun in his hand. “I was leaving but I noticed your friends were still outside. Now if you’ll all just move down to that end of the room please. I’ve got you covered, that’s fine.” 

Their hands were in the air. Jongho and Miyoung stood in their places. All of them were frozen. “So it was you, Mr. Park,” The doctor said quietly. 

“Yes. Congratulations, Dr. Choi, it’s very clever of you but you slipped up on one point, the motive,” Seonghwa said coldly. “I wanted to ruin you, Choi San, because I knew what you’ve done to me. You took away the only thing in the world I cared for, and I fixed every race there was until you lost every single won you owned.” 

“But I swear, Seonghwa! That was over!” Mrs. Park pleaded. 

Seonghwa aimed his gun at San. “I’m going to kill you, San, and you too, my dear wife, and you too, Dr. Choi, for your inquisitiveness.” 

“I don’t think you’re going to kill anyone with that, it’s loaded with blanks,” Jongho pointed at the gun. 

“Oh yeah? We’ll see, I hope that statue over there isn’t valuable,” Seonghwa aimed at the bust nearby and pulled the trigger. Jongho immediately jumped in to stop him, the doors opening as Yunho, including San and Mingi joined in the fray to take Seonghwa down. 

Miyoung reached for the nearest vase by the table in an attempt to knock Seonghwa out, only to get Jongho on the back of the head and making him fall over. “Oh, oh, I made a mistake, I’m so sorry Jongho” She frowned, patting the male’s unconscious form.. 

“What happened to him?” Yunho asked, as the other police officers escorted Seonghwa out of the room. 

“I was supposed to hit Seonghwa with the vase and I made a mistake,” She was on the verge of tears. “Jongho darling- oh no, look at the bump.” 

~ 

Miyoung carefully appeared in the living room later that evening as both of them had gotten dressed for bed. Jongho was still on the couch, with a bag of ice in one hand and the side of his head covered in bandages  “You look awfully cute, Jongho, I like the bandage,” She said, sitting down next to him. 

“Thanks,” He grumbled. 

“The bow looks wonderful.” 

“What bow?” Jongho could only look at her without moving his head too much. 

“On the bandage, on top of your head. It was my idea.” 

“Yes, I imagine it was. No one else would bother with it.” 

“Well, now what about us getting married?” She asked. 

He sighed, putting ice over the part of his head that had the bump. “Miyoung I wouldn’t walk across this room. Any other time I’d be glad to but tonight I wouldn’t walk across this room to marry you.” 

“Then would you walk halfway across this room?” Her expression turned hopeful. 

“Now you’re just kidding me.” 

“Yes or no, Jongho. Would you?” She gently smoothed his hair. “Halfway?” 

“Well, alright,” He shakily got up, Miyoung holding onto his arm to support him. “Just to prove that the age of gallantry isn’t dead. I’ll walk halfway.” 

“Alright, follow me,” She gently led him a few feet away from the couch. “Yeosang, start the movie!” 

“Very good, madam!” Yeosang called out from their little projection booth.

To Jongho’s surprise, the movie showed a judge. “That’s another idea of mine. He’s a real justice of the peace,” Miyoung smiled at him, linking their arms together as she held him up. 

“My friends, we are all gathered here today to celebrate this man and this woman in the state of matrimony,” The judge began. “Do you, Choi Miyoung, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” 

“I do,” Miyoung beamed. 

“And do you, Choi Jongho, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?” 

“I do, and may heaven have mercy on my soul,” Jongho sighed and Miyoung kissed him. 

[choicesenthusiast]

Reconceptualizing Distant Shores

So it seems like y’all really liked my reconceptualization of The Nanny Affair so I decided to give it a shot with Distant Shores! Basically just me word-vomiting ideas on how the story could’ve went rather than writing a whole fic or a rewrite. This one’s a little longer though. Hope you like it!

So instead of making MC an actor (cause we’ve seen too many of the those celebrity professions here in the Choices multiverse), how about we make them a historian? Someone who is so enthralled by the past, especially the pirate era that they’re actually so baffled to be taken back in time to the period that they’ve dedicated their life to learning about. The time travel could be a metaphor for how they’re so stuck in the past that they are afraid of the future or something profound like that.

Edward’s a really horrible person. Like, a scummy pirate who sinks ships just for the fun of it. But you’re stuck with him because he holds the compass, the object required to travel back in time. You hate him, but in time you impress him with your historical expertise, and change him into a better person. He stops being the ultimate pirate warlord villain we all wished he was. At first you wanted to get as far away from him as possible, but by the end of the book you don’t want to leave him. Growth.

Oliver should’ve gotten Edward’s backstory. I think the reason why his writing was so bad was because his and Edward’s stories were too similar, and PB expended all the effort of this story on Edward, leaving nothing left for Oliver. Now imagine, Oliver’s character is properly morally grey; he still has the violent motivations that the Admiral raised him to believe were right, but they’re slowly wearing away in realization that he’s been raised evil. He wants the revenge on the Admiral, not Edward. 

Charlie is Edward’s first mate, rather than just a quartermaster, and she’s pretty awful in the beginning as well. But she starts to open up about how she was always inferior to her father, the Governor, and how she’s inferior to Edward. She wants to captain her own crew and be in charge for once. The only reason she’s on the Revenge is because this is the best crew in the sea and she only accepts the best for herself. Like with the others, you slowly begin to positively influence her and it turns out you want to stay in the past for her too.

Upon landing in the past, you end up on the Poseidon’s Revenge, but instead of fighting the admiral, you’re boarding a random cargo ship. Really dark stuff, just to introduce how awful Edward and Charlie and the crew really are. Oliver, who deserted the Navy and stowed away on this cargo ship, ends up on the revenge as prisoner, because he’s the only one who put up a fight. This way, he’s also introduced in the beginning instead of, like, 6 chapters in. You also end up as prisoner, because “how the hell did they end up on this ship?”.

Before he’s forced to walk the plank, Oliver drops the bomb that he wants revenge on the Admiral. The crew is skeptical, cause that’s the hardest target in the seas. But Oliver knows the ins-and-outs of his ship, because Daddy’s Boy, y’know? So they agree.

The plan doesn’t go well. Oliver is confronted by the Admiral, with you, Edward, and Charlie also in the room, and he reveals that Oliver’s his son. The three of you are convinced that he betrayed you. The Revenge is still blown up, and the crew is all dejected on the ship, and on the beach, Oliver tries to regain your trust by stealing his father’s most prized possession: a second compass. Robert (don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about him), who doesn’t mutiny at all (because he’s living the dream, pillaging with the crew, and there’s literally no reason to mutiny) is suddenly more interested than you’ve ever seen him. The two compasses do their glowy thing, but there’s a third piece to the puzzle: you. You know that following the compasses will lead you back to your time. You just have to get there alive first.

Nobody knows what it leads to, but you suspect that it’s the greatest treasure in all the land (the “Pirate Queen” detail was pretty much irrelevant, so why leave it in?) because all of your historical knowledge. The Admiral is now out for you, because he knew all about the treasure but didn’t know about the second compass. He puts a bounty on your crew.

Throughout the story, the time rifts become more and more consistent, and one night, Robert confronts you in your cabin and interrogates you all about the future, and the compasses, and the treasure. And guess what? He’s from the future too. He says that he notices the time rifts too. Enter “tragic backstory”, where he tells you that the compasses are to be destroyed to set things right again, and why he wants you to stay out of his way. Instead of a sad, badly-written secondary villain, he’s like an anti-hero, just wants to mind his own business and let natural selection run its course.

In the temple, time is warping like crazy, and you know your own time is running out. You get to choose who kills the Admiral (imagine the power if it was Oliver). Your LI, who was hit by the poison dart, is halfway to death, and here is the climax of the story: choose whether to stay or return to the future. Staying means that your LI might die and reality as you know it may collapse because of the time rifts, but you get to be together. Leaving means that the timeline is set right again and your LI lives, but you’ll be apart.

If you leave, you say a tearful goodbye, give your LI one compass and keep one for yourself. Bonus points if there’s some sappy inscription on the compass that says something like “This, which leads you to the greatest treasure” and the treasure is actually your LI. Symbolism. You return to your job as a historian, but you see the second compass in the museum, ask the curator if you could look at it (for research purposes; you’re a historian, after all) and are able to return to the past for a Book 2.

If you stay, you say a tearful goodbye. Reality almost collapses, until it doesn’t. Then you see Robert, sword stuck through the compasses, and the timeline realigns itself. He saves all of you. You’re now stuck in the past, but you don’t mind, because you get to be with your LI. You leave the temple alive, ready for more adventures in a Book 2.

Either way, you get to choose your fate, and either way, the crew will return for a Book 2. The characters and their backstories/motivations make more sense and are more fleshed out, and the time plot makes more sense than it did in the book (I probably could’ve elaborated on things a little more but this post is already way too long).

I really enjoyed writing this one up! Feel free to add any thoughts or feedback. I’m really enjoying exploring the potential of what Choices’ flopped books could’ve been. More to come!

[feliciamontagues]

My Ranking of Every Hercule Flambeau Episode (S01-S08)

There are some spoilers for S7 and S8, but they are fairly vague and pretty much the sort of thing that you might see on the official press release. So not true spoilers as such. Also this is totally subjective and the result of my own personal biases. It’s also behind the cut because it’s looooonnng. 

8. The Two Deaths of Hercule Flambeau (s06e10)--

So, this episode is *fine*. It’s hardly the worst episode of the show, but it’s easily the weakest of the Flamby eps, despite their being a few isolated moments I enjoy. (Hercule getting a long overdue bedroom scene for one :P)

My main gripe is with this episode is the uneven way Lisandra Flambeau is written. The script seems to flip-flop over whether we are supposed to find her sympathetic or not.  On one hand,  many scenes imply that she genuinely loves Hercule despite them having a shotgun marriage after only a few days of knowing each other. On the other hand, she does not hesitate for a minute before poisoning an innocent (Fr. B) for no other reason than to hurt Flamby, which makes her lose a lot of sympathy points.

And as a result, it seems to make Flambeau seem like more of arse than normal for betraying her, while somehow also absolving him of responsibility for doing so, because she turns around and does *THAT.*

And ngl, it does make me a little uncomfortable that while the character of Lisandra (as an Italian) is possibly not meant to be interpreted as a POC, the actress portraying her definitely is. (Sara Martins is of Afro-Portuguese descent).  Which makes the uneven characterization (and underwritten-ness) seem even more glaring, especially  when compared to that of the other (white) women in Flambeau’s life (his first love Rebecca and his daughter Marianne, arguably Lady Felicia as well). It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth even if  in all likelihood, the part wasn’t written with Sara Martins in mind.

I think a much more interesting approach to Lisandra would be to have intending to betray Flambeau all along. Maybe she had her own agenda for seducing Flamby, meanwhile he thinks he’s the one using her for his plan. Maybe she does develop some feelings for him along the way, but it only makes her hesitate for a moment before going ahead with her original plan. That way, she keeps her agency and isn’t reduced to the “woman scorned” stereotype while also leaving the writers free to ship Flamby with others in the future without seemingly endorsing guilt-free adultery .

Other random note: I can’t take  parts of this episode seriously because the “Crown of Lombardy” is very obviously Guinevere’s crown from BBC Merlin with no attempt to alter or disguise it. 

7. The Daughter of Autolycus (s04e05)--

Not gonna lie, I am not really a fan of “character has long lost relative that we’ve never heard of until now” plots. And that goes double when said long-lost relative is a child or sibling. As such my low ranking of this episode is partly due to unconscious personal biases against that trope.

That being said, if we had to get a long-lost relative that we’ve never heard of until now plot, I’m so glad we got Marianne--even if it takes her another episode to really live up to her potential. 

I have to knock off a few more points for Nero Hound as a villain. For one thing, he was played by Nancy Carroll’s real-life hubby, but they didn’t let let him interact with Lady F at all. Such a *waste.*  Also Nero Hound is far too similar a name to Nero Wolfe, and I’ve definitely confused them on more than one occasion). He’s also rather generic in my opinion, even compared to some of Flambeau’s other “generic mobster” rivals/associates like the ones in S8.

However, there are some moments in this episode I genuinely like--particularly the theft “imagine spot” and Flambeau’s bishop disguise in general. Plus, the scenes where Flambeau and Marianne appear together are excellent, as are the hints that Marianne will become a redemptive trigger in Flambeau’s life.

6. The Judgement of Man (s03e10)--

Again, the low ranking of this one may be due to personal biases.  In this case, I’m still low-key bitter--five years later-- at the BBC marketing department for baiting me with the idea of Flambeau actually interacting with the rest of the squad (esp romantic tiems with Lady F)  and then giving me the absolute minimum of Felicia/Flambeau flirting and no Flambeau/Sid and Flambeau/Mrs. M interaction.

But there are other reasons why this is in my bottom 3 Flambeau episodes. 

Honestly, I feel like an equally compelling episode about the Vatican’s complicity in Nazi art theft could’ve been made without having to insert Flambeau in it. I mean I suppose it does make sense to have the art thief character  in the art episode, but still I feel like both Flambeau backstory and important historical lesson about Nazis, the Church, and Jewish art suffer from being crammed into the same episode. 

That being said, Mrs. McCarthy’s duchess disguise in this episode cleared my skin, watered my crops, etc, which is why I’ve ranked it higher than the previous two. 

5. The Folly of Jephthah (s08e05)

It loses a few points because I got very exited about the idea of Marianne becoming Bunty’s thief gf cool new friend, and yet in the episode itself, they only shared one scene and didn’t really interact much in it. That being said, I did like like that Bunty and Mrs. M had a bigger role in this episode than the squad usually gets in Flambeau episodes. 

Overall, I feel this episode works a lot better than most of the other “backstory-heavy” Flambeau episodes, because we’ve already gotten the Marianne-related exposition out of the way and can focus more on allowing her character, Flambeau’s and their relationship with each other to develop.

I’m also a bit smug in that I predicted (or at least hoped for) this exact character arc for Marianne within a few weeks of “The Daughter of Autocylus” airing and that my hopes came to fruition so beautifully.

It doesn’t particularly impact the ranking too much, but I do feel like this episode deserves a special shout out, because it has established a (hopefully-continuing!) pattern of Father Brown calling Flamby  almost exclusively by his first name, which is a major significant step in their bromance and deserves recognition as such. 

4. The Blue Cross (s01e10)--

As someone who was first exposed to Father Brown through reading the stories for a college course, I always find it especially interesting to look at the episodes that were adapted from Chesterton. 

This episode is neither the most faithful book-to-show adaptation (which is probably “The Three Tools of Death”) nor is it the best (imo “The Sign of the Broken Sword’) , but it is arguably the most significant. “The Blue Cross” was the first ever Fr. Brown story and is probably the most well-known. It’s also the first real look we get at the character of Flambeau, who (in the stories and arguably the show as well) is probably the closest thing we get to a clear character arc.

The show keeps some of the important elements of the short  story: Flambeau’s clergyman disguise, the switching of the packages. But it also has the challenging task of upping the relatively low stakes of the story, as well as introducing a major recurring character that resembles his book counterpart but remains distinct enough to justify the fairly different direction show canon is taking him. 

The show does this reasonably well--if not particularly imaginatively. I do enjoy some of the touches (I’ve written an entire meta before about Flamby’s reading material on the train and how it relates to his character)--particularly the show’s choice to have Flambeau fixated on religious art specifically (RIP for Flambeau’s Dairy Company though. It will always live in my heart).

Unfortunately in the adaptation, loses a few points for not really using the show-original characters particularly effectively. It loses still more for Flambeau’s characterization in this episode . He comes across as much more  serious and menacing in this episode than in all the others. It works okay when we consider this as a standalone episode but provides some glaring Early Installment Weirdness when we compare it to other episodes. 

3. The Penitent Man (s05e15)--

So as the rest of this list  will testify, I have strong preference for the “fun” Flambeau episodes over the more series ones. This is the exception that proves the rule--the  serious, cerebral, melancholy episode that simply “works” for me in the way that some of the others have not.

A lot of it is due to the more-intense-than-usual Flambeau character focus that goes into this. Sure, we’ve met his (presumably ex-by-now) wife, his daughter, and his first love by this point, but all of those episodes focused primarily on Flambeau as an extension of the relationships with others. (”The Judgement of Man”  in particular is far more Rebecca’s story than Hercule’s.)

Whereas this episode is very definitively focused on Flambeau himself and allows more nuanced exploration of two of the most defining facets of Flambeau’s character:  (1) his fascination with religion--and spiritual salvation in particular--  as  something he seems to resist and crave in near equal measure  (2) his almost masochistic streak of recklessness.

Even though Flambeau’s supposed “piety” is revealed to be all part of his heist plan, there are strong hints that his desire for redemption and atonement are at least somewhat genuine, even if he is not  ready to pursue them just yet. 

Off topic, but a few random things of note in this episode: this episode all-but-confirms bi!Flambeau, wet!Flambeau at the end is extremely relevant to my interests, Father Brown attempts to smuggle Flamby a lock pick from the beginning and has the audacity to say “ I only use it when I get locked out of the presbytery.”

Also, it has this iconic exchange:

Goodfellow: What is that awful smell?

Father Brown (covered in sewage): It’s me

2. The Honorable Thief (S07e10)-- So nearly all of the Flambeau-centered episodes from S3 on  have been a little preoccupied with filling in some of the gaps in Flambeau’s backstory, which is *fine*, but honestly, I feel like in doing so, they’ve really lost sight of why we fell in love with the character in the first place. 

 He’s vibrant and clever and funny and over-the-top. But most importantly, Flambeau is a lot of fun. Therefore, it follows that episodes that feature him should be a lot of fun too. 

And well... they are all fun in some way,  but they aren’t as fun as they really could be. John Light is insanely charismatic, but charisma can only go so far when the episode in question is a downer.

Fortunately, this episode is the furthest thing from a downer imaginable. It’s absolutely delightful from start to finish. The plot is serious enough to keep things engaging, but also light enough to keep us from getting too distracted by angst. 

I’m also incredibly biased in favor of this episode, because it finally gave me the Felicia/Flambeau ship tease I’d been passionately hoping for (if not really expecting to get after “The Judgement of Man” disappointed me). But it was so much and so good, and I wasn’t ready for it.

In a broader sense though, this episode really delivered with Flambeau/squad interaction in general--which was a key component that has been missing from most of the other episodes. And the Father Brown & Flambeau interactions were also has heartwarming and funny as they always are.

If I have one tiny little gripe with the episode, it’s that Daniel is not Sid. He has enough broad similarities with Sid that I can’t help but wonder if the episode was originally written with Sid and then hastily re-written when Alex Price couldn’t return. That being said, he was a likable enough guest character in his own right, and I wouldn’t mind seeing him again.

1.  The Mysteries of the Rosary (S02e05)-- Perfection. Not only is this THE definitive Flambeau episode, but is also one of the best episodes of the show overall. It has everything: the birth of bearded Flamby, bromantic road trips, a treasure hunt, great guest turns from Anton Lesser and Sylvestra Le Touzel.

I think part of the reason this episode resonates so strongly with me is that it’s really the first proper sense that we get of Show!Flambeau as a character. Sure we officially met him in “The Blue Cross,” but considering he didn’t show up until halfway through the episode and was in disguise for most of it, we didn’t really get much of a sense of who he is.

This episode changes all that and sets Flambeau up as the character we will know and love for the rest of the series--charming, urbane, funny, passionate, a carefree carpe diem exterior masking (or overcompensating for?) a sense of uncertainty and conflictedness.

Somewhat off topic, but as great an episode as this is for Flambeau’s character, it is nearly as wonderful for both Sid and Father Brown’s characters. We get to see Sid’s  ease with Father Brown, the casual camraderie that the two of them have--as well as Sid’s protectiveness (and jealousy) when Flambeau decides to gatecrash their bromantic road trip. 

Honestly, there are so many things that are great about this episode that I don’t think I could possibly list them--but one little detail that really struck my the last time I watched was that the first proper glimpse we see of Flambeau in this episode (we see him in shadow in a flashback before) involves him  saving Father Brown’s life.  Whereas the last proper glimpse we see of Flambeau is after Father Brown has saved Flambeau’s life.  Thematic reversals. Cinematic parallels. We love to see it. 

[unloveable-unreachable]

You’re the One My Heart Wants- Alex Morgan x Reader

Word Count: 3,318

Warnings: Swearing

Author: Me

A/N: Hey guys this is a first attempt at an Alex Morgan x Reader multi-chapter story. I hope you like it, and I’ll post chapters as much as I can. 

Chapter 1 

Headlines for the 2019 NWSL Season:

~~Marta leaves the NWSL after two seasons with the Pride, Orlando obtains star forward, Y/L/N, from Portland.~~

~~Portland Thorn fans grieve over the loss of their champion forward.~~

~~What will be the career for Y/F/N Y/L/N be like at Orlando Pride?~~

~~Orlando has high hopes for their new forward, Y/L/N, and hope this change is just what the club needs.~~

Y/N POV

It’s weird, I’ll admit, having your name thrown all over the headlines for the upcoming season. I never imagined leaving Portland, especially this soon. I joined the club right out of my second year of college back in 2014, it was a perfect fit for me. I loved the team, and most of my best friends were on that team. Like Sonny and Lindsey. Don’t get me wrong, I have other friends on the team like Tobin, but only because I’m the only one who will go skateboarding with her (at least that’s what she says, but I know she loves me even if she won’t admit it). 

Being one of the players during the 2015 Women’s World Cup put me in the headlines, especially because I was only 21 and scored in two matches, so I was used to being in the headlines. If not for that then for the 2016 Olympics for sure, yeah that was a hard time for a lot of us. We’ve grown since then though, we put more work in than anyone else I know. We want every win more than the opponent every time we step out on the pitch. This World Cup is where we’ll prove ourselves.

Anyways, yeah leaving Portland was really hard for me. Having to pack up my whole life, along with my Corgi, Luna, and moving to the other side of the country was definitely a struggle, to say the least. One of the only good things about being traded to Orlando is that I get to see my moms. Let’s not confuse that with my actual mom, she’s a whole other story. My ‘moms’ are Ali Krieger and Ashlyn Harris. During my rookie season on the National Team, they took me under their wing, because Ali saw me distance myself from the others and she took it upon herself to take care of me which also means Ash gets drug into it, too. But she doesn’t hate it at all, I’m the kid they wish they could have raised themselves (let’s be honest here, they are the ones who raised me. They just don’t realize it yet). They’re the ones who helped me find my new house, and the ones who helped me (along with Uncle Kyle) move in.

“Yeah mom, I got all of my stuff moved in and unpacked already,” I say to my actual mother. “Okay, I was just making sure. Cause you know I won’t be there to check on you every day and I just want to make sure you have everything ready,” she said in a very uptight tone that I’ve always hated. “Have you met anyone yet? Are there any men you have your eye on?” I nearly broke my head rolling my eyes as hard as I do. Let’s be clear here, I’m gay. I’ve been gay since I was 13, but I can’t tell my family because they wouldn’t understand. Also because if I came out to them I would still be the disappointment of ‘their three girls’, except this time I would be completely disowned. Never to hear from anyone in my family ever again, not like I ever hear from them now but you get what I mean. It’s not something I’m quite ready to dish out yet. “No mom, no guys,” I say trying to end our conversation because I have training in an hour and I knew Ali was going to come pick me up. We say our goodbyes and I run out to meet Ali, who always gets excited to see me like she hasn’t seen me in years. It’s refreshing, to say the least.

Our 2019 season started with a loss to Portland. It was a bittersweet match for me to say the least. At the end of the match Tobin, Sonny, and Lindsey came and gave me hugs until I couldn’t breath. I missed them, and I know that Sonny missed my playlists in the locker room. Lindsey and Sonny practically beg to come stay at my house for a movie night, and of course, I give in without any help from Tobin. The next match was against North Carolina, who has my other best friend on the team, Sammy Mewis. We manage to lose that one too, I know the team is just getting used to me being there but there isn’t any connection between any of us it seems. Sammy also begs to stay at my house because she missed Luna and my movie collection.

Our next match is one of the ones I’ve been waiting for, because playing Utah was always a great match and because I get to see my number one best friend- Kelley O’Hara. When they get to the stadium, I immediately run up to Kelley and jump on her back causing her to fall over, filling the stadium with laughter. “I missed you, Smalls!” I yell at her as we lay on the pitch. “I missed you more, Biggie Smalls!” she shouts back. We have nicknames that we gave each other back in 2015 at the last World Cup. She’s “Smalls” because she’s 5’5” and I’m “Biggie Smalls” because I’m five inches taller than her and built more. She came up with them, and I just go along with it because she’s my best friend and I love her more than anything.

The match ends with Utah winning. We need to get out of this slump or it’s going to be a long season for us. Kelley catches up to me while I walk out of the locker room, “Hey Y/N! Do you wanna go out for drinks tonight?” she asks with a big ass grin on her face. How could I tell her no? “Of course, Kelley. Meet me at my house later and we’ll grab an Uber and stay out as late as you can,” I say back smiling at her. I have to run to catch up with Ali and Ash to get a ride home. “You played good today, moms,” I say as Ash slings her arm around my shoulders. Ali laughs at the mention of ‘moms’ because she knows it’s true but won’t admit it, at least not to me. “You played really well too, kiddo. They just need to get you the ball more, you really work your magic when you get a chance to get a touch on the ball,” Ash says as she ruffles my hair causing me to laugh, as we get in the car to head to our houses. When we pull up to my house, I hop out and say thanks for the ride like I always do. “Hey Y/N, don’t forget I’m coming to get you in the morning for our hike. Don’t sleep in or I’ll make your life hell,” Ali says trying to be all serious but ends up cracking a smile. “I won’t. Love you guys!” I shout from the front door. “Love you, kiddo!” Ash yells from the passenger window.

I hear a knock on the door a few hours later while I’m setting out Luna’s food, and then hear the front door open knowing it’s Kelley. When I look up from the dog food I’m caught a little off guard at the sight of Alex, not in a bad way but in a surprising way. She’s standing next to Kelley watching her play with Luna on the floor. “I can’t believe you haven’t brought Luna to see me more. She loves her Aunt Kelley, and obviously missed me,” Kelley says to me while cradling Luna like a baby. I let out a laugh and say, “We just got moved in like a month ago, and she enjoys her time with Logan. But I’ll be sure to bring her soon, she sure does miss your walks.” I catch Alex looking at the tattoos on my arms, and she sort of blushes at the sight of me catching her. “Hi, Alex,” I say trying to kill the awkwardness in the air. “Hi, Y/N,” she says back shyly. 

Alex and I have a teammate relationship that strictly stays on the pitch. We work really well together when we’re both on the field, but that hasn’t happened till the game tonight and we all know how that one ended. I normally keep to myself or I just stick to either Ash or Ali just because I know they’ll protect me if anything should happen. Alex and I don’t really interact outside the stadium, so tonight’s already starting out awkward. Thanks, Kelley...

Kelley finally sets Luna down asking if we’re ready for drinks, which of course we are. “Yes, please. I gotta buy you a round after your win tonight,” I say to Kelley who just gives me a cheesy grin and two thumbs up. Alex says the Uber should be here already, I tell them to head out while I lock everything up. I end up sitting in the back with Kelley since Alex knows where all the good bars are. 

When we finally reach the street we’ve been looking for, I notice Alex is just out in front of us not really sticking to the group that much. “How’s she doing? If you don’t mind me asking,” Kelley says to me quietly as we follow Alex. “Um, as far as I know, she’s okay. We don’t really talk that much outside of the pitch. Why do you ask?” I answer a little confused by her question. We hear Alex say something about a phone call and that we should go in and she’ll find us. We go in, find a booth and order our drinks. “Okay, so I was asking you because she’s been going through a lot lately and I didn’t know if that was affecting her while she played or whenever she was out of her house,” Kelley says and I look at her confused. She lets out a sigh, “The short story is that she and Servando split up because he didn’t support her life choices, and he told her that he could never love someone like her.” Kelley sips on her beer before continuing, “Their divorce was final right before the start of the season, that’s why she hasn’t been acting like herself lately. She just really needs friends here since I’m not around that much.” I take a long gulp of my drink while I process what she just told me. “Look, I’ll be her friend because she obviously needs someone to talk to. And I can look out for Alex for you and let you know what’s going on,” I say causing her to smile big. “See that’s what I need, both of my best friends being friends,” she says as she clinks our drinks.

By the time Alex finds us, Kelley and I are already four beers in and also several shots in. As she sits down next to Kelley, after ordering her drink, she’s caught in an ‘argument’ between me and Kelley. “I’m just saying you could’ve gotten the ball to the right more, your right foot is your weapon. Use it!” Kelley practically yells at me. “Oh yeah, O’Hara? What about those sloppy passes you were sending to Christen? I know you can do better than that,” I shoot back at her causing her to get all defensive and flustered by my statement. That manages to get a laugh out of Alex, which is great because I don’t think I’ve seen her smile since we left my house. When we all finish our round of drinks, I offer to buy the next round as Kelley jumps up to dance to whatever song is playing in the bar.

Apparently, I’m the only one who can hold their alcohol, because at the end of our night out I’m the one dragging both of them out of two different bars and forcing them into the Uber. “We’re going to Y/N’s house!” I hear Kelley yell from the backseat. I roll my eyes at her and give the poor man my address, and we finally get away from the bar scene for tonight at least. When we get to my place I grab Kelley’s phone from her to send a text to her teammates letting them know where she is and that she’ll be back at the hotel in the morning. And yet again, I have to drag them through my house to the back patio. “Can we pleaseee have more drinks?” they both asked at the same time causing them to laugh (and me as well). Since I know neither of them are leaving my house tonight I give in. I walk over to my bar and grab Kelley the case of beer I bought for tonight, and a bottle of wine for me and Alex to share. 

Kelley, the party animal, plays her music from my outdoor sound system. She jumps up and down to the music around the patio while Alex and I just laugh at our best friend. I sneak inside with Luna, while Alex and Kelley start belting out a 90s hit song that I can’t remember the name to. I blow up the air mattress in the living room before I forget, or before I’m too drunk to remember to. I leave Luna asleep on the air mattress whenever I slip back outside. I take my spot next to Alex who’s listening to Kelley tell a story about a match she played in back when she was at Stanford. I take the opportunity to steal one of Kelley’s (my) beers.

As Kelley laughs at the end of her story, I take full advantage of the situation by recording her for my Instagram story. The music changes, although Kelley doesn’t notice because of her laughing. I recognize the song and start humming to it and begin swaying in my seat to the music, as I’m doing that I notice Alex go to stand up from her spot next to me. She sets the wine bottle down on the table and turns to me. “Do you wanna dance?” Alex manages to ask through drunken slurs with her hand out. I, in turn, let out a drunken laugh and then I take her hand pulling her close as we start dancing side to side, singing to the song. Kelley disappeared at some point but I don’t notice because I’m focused on Alex. Alex starts laughing, but before I realize at what, I focus in on her eyes. They were absolutely mesmerizing, and the way her face looks as she laughs is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. And oh god her laugh, it could cure any sadness. Wait, why am I looking at Alex like this and why is she laughing? “Kelley!” I laugh out, “Go put Luna back to bed before I make you go to bed.” As Kelley hurries back inside, I notice me and Alex are still embraced, but we aren’t dancing anymore. I pull away first, as smoothly as I can in my drunken state. I reach for my drink and sit back down in my spot and finally feel the buzz from all the alcohol I’ve consumed tonight.

After what feels like forever, Kelley comes back out to the patio. Except this time she has on different clothes, my clothes of course. I laugh loudly when I see her, because like I said before I’m five inches taller than her so that makes my t-shirts look like dresses on her. She does a little twirl showing us her whole outfit before going back to drinking her beer. Our night goes on about the same as it started, Kelley is showing off her dance moves, Alex is relaxing more, and I’m just really enjoying their company. 

I look at the clock on the wall to see what time of night it was, knowing that Kelley has to be up in the morning to meet her team and that I have to be up for my hike with Ali and Ash around the same time Kelley has to leave. “Okay,” I slur out, “Kelley has to be up in the morning and Krashlyn will kill me if I’m not up when they get here in the morning.” Kelley and Alex laugh in agreement to the last part. I stand up from the couch, gulp down the last of my beer and snag the practically empty wine bottle from Alex’s grasp.

Like how the rest of the night has gone, except with way more alcohol in our systems, I have to drag both of them back inside my house. The house is filled with drunken giggles whenever I leave them on my couch while I head to the kitchen. I grab the headache meds and bottles of water for everyone before walking back to my drunk friends. “Someone can sleep on the air mattress with Luna and the other person, whoever it is, can sleep with me upstairs, or you can both sleep down here with Luna. I don’t really care either way,” I slur as I say my goodnights while I walk up the stairs to my room. I collapse on my bed when I finally reach my room, as I do my phone dings. I look and, of course, it’s my group message with Sonny, Sammy, and Lindsey. Sonny and Lindsey have been arguing about who misses me the most (of course I know it’s Sonny) and Sammy is talking about how Rose’s dog doesn’t like her as much as Luna does. I remind all three of them that I did just see them all last week and that I’ll see them for National Team training pretty soon. I finally tell them to go to bed, send them all (especially Sonny) my love, and I plug my phone back in.

I decide that I really don’t want my bed to smell like sweat, beer, wine and whatever else Kelley managed to get me to drink in the morning. So I get up and take a hot shower. When I come out of my bathroom I hear a knock on my door, expecting Kelley to ask for more blankets like always. When I open the door I’m welcomed by a very drunk and smiley Alex Morgan. “Coould I borrow some clothess?” she manages to get out between giggles. I just laugh and nod my head to her question. I have to help her walk to my bed because walking is not Drunk Alex’s forte. I sit her down, give her a small smirk and turn to grab clothes for her to wear. I hand her the clothes and help her carefully to the bathroom so she can change. “Call if you need any help,” I say and she just smiles as I close the door. It doesn’t take her too long to come back out of the bathroom. I look up at her as she thanks me and tells me goodnight again before heading back downstairs.

I finally get into bed after a very long day and an even longer night. I set my alarm and shut off my bedside table lamp before turning to my side with my body pillow. As I was just about to fall asleep, I hear a noise outside my door. Confused, I get up out of bed and open my door. And there she is, with her killer smile and stunning blue eyes.

“Can I sleep with you?”

To be Continued

[nobody-knose--archive]

so guess who bought complete demos today on a whim

yeah i wasn’t expecting this one to be over as quickly as it was either. have your liveblog

-complete demos. i bought it today & already forgot the tracklist. listening to it on the mp3 player i got for hmcrmshcidshdamsth because why not. makes pausing/typing easier that's why

-who the heck just coughed

-good lord the mixing is. and boy that's steve drumming isn't it. wow

-i mean we've got the stereo panning just like ever but this is incredibly rough. they are true babies aren't they

-oh those flutes are amazing what the hell. can people stop yelling in my individual ears

-and there's the rough megaphone. it's so incredibly clear that these aren't studio recordings but like. still tally hall!

-i think i'm finding many of these a little too funny but gotdam you're pitchbending your own voice do you really expect that to not sound so goofy at such a high pitch

-oh we're not slowing down at all, this is the same tempo as before for sure

-the flipping around audio channels is very not good at all when it comes to disguising the cuts between takes

-a sculptor you say? (is that one in the later versions? i don't remember it at all)

-nothing but rob's voices in the background and maybe 1 or two from red. no ross bits whatsoever. that's wild

-quick move into the greener intro and even quicker movement into greener itself

-well those are extra harmonies. interesting that they removed them for later versions because they're not bad, maybe a little out of place though

-honestly the biggest difference in steve vs ross drumming seems to be more a difference in the quality of the drums themselves. or the recording software but that applies to everything in this album

-it's painfully obvious that everything was recorded in really different circumstances & not mixed professionally and yep. complete demos alright. not inaccurately named in the slightest

-reminds me of the beta versions of g&e songs we heard live before they appeared on the album, makes me wonder if we could've gotten an admittedly complete demos for g&e somehow

-anyway these little different synths-

-hello there rob. alternate bridge. i have remembered this is a thing. something about tissues? a shoulder to cry on? cool

-yeah the little different synths do capture my attention from time to time

-and a basic piano for the outro? huh. sure gives it a different tone alright

-hm? who's that right at the end there- ooh! wtth time! and this still has steve in it doesn't it?

-generally more enthusiasm when it comes to that T, wonder what lost him attention in later years

-boy is that beatboxing weirdly mixed.

-lawn

-well this chorus is actually rather snazzy. the vocals seem better mixed than anything else i've heard in this album

-"who's to blame?" that's like the 4th time now i've heard someone's random voice that i can't recognize. ...it couldn't be steve, could it? i am now aware i have absolutely no clue what his voice sounds like but that seems like it could fit. hm

-zubin sounds really unenthusiastic here. just faintly unenthusiastic all over the place. still sounds more like "badiggle" than anything else

-oh shit they're falling down a well

-red's bit is hella unchanged other than the direct invasion of my individual ears & extra megaphone useage (i really wish the megaphone became more of a tally icon than it did but that's neither here nor there)

-it's rather more barebones though. less andrew keys in general. the calliope-reminiscent synth he uses is different i suppose.

-they did more stuff with funny crowd voices i think i've noticed. playing around with falsetto, as a college band dude might do

-ok yeah steve is a worse drummer. don't ask me what made me change my mind but i did

-wow a crowd that can consistently clap on the 1-2-3-4? how utterly unrealistic

-no wonky wild & weird intro to taken for a ride because i don't think it's on this album. understandable, i can't imagine what sort of wild hell the vocoder would be if it was attempted this early in its lifespan

-1st 2 piano chords of just apathy has me thinking of i know your name (deporitaz ver.) which is certainly as good a start to a song as any

-extended piano intro has me thinking of the ending of mold en mono but nope here's rob's voice to completely knock that impression out of the water

-ohoho? rob cantor swearing momence? i hadn't realized there'd be this many lyric changes

-interestingly enough this track doesn't seem horrendously mixed so far- nevermind that guitar/piano together is way too loud

-the guitar itself does have a pretty cool unique sound. obviously they hadn't had any access to string instruments at this point so given that those're the main thing separating this song from your average sade rock ballad there aren't a whole lot of notable differences here other than said guitar

-very different tone to this lil bridge. faintly reminiscent of weezer but it's not like i know anything about weezer

-sounds like the same synth from wtth being used in the bg there. what, did they have just that limited a selection so as to need repetition that frequently, or did they really like how it sounds? hard to tell with 200 (uhhhh) 4 college band dudes

-and right into two wuv. yes i had heard there's no haiku in this one but i forget what else will be missing. not sure if anything else will other than hidden in the sand. they would have ruler of everything, right? and a track that appears here but not any other albums? something like that i think

-more of that piano in the bg and more of mildly unenthusiastic zubin singing. different melody for said singing but it's not much of a secret that these guys were more untrained vocalists at this time

- .subsides?

-this chorus sounds significantly more laid-back than the later version

-the extra piano part sure moves this piece way further away from "rock love song" & way closer to "andrew horowitz song", especially that lil flourish where a bee buzzing might otherwise be

-ooh! andrew! he speaks! so does zubin! this song's two olsen boys coming in for a weird bridge bit! hell yeah oh this is adorable

-"because there's 2 of them :}"

-hm. are they actually just removing various parts because they don't have the technological capabilities to do a straight fadeout here? got dam

-i suppose letting zubin do a final solo-ish cadence works too

-uh- say it ain't so‽ w. no this is stationary love, the song that appeared here & nowhere else. cool, cool. strange but cool i guess

-i guess that can explain the multitude of weezer comparisons made for these lads. it's certainly there. honestly andrew was the only thing keeping them from being true weezer successors

-pure acoustic guitar thus far. this is my first time hearing this song of course & it seems like a pretty typical rob "homophonic heterophobic" cantor song

-nothing but acoustic guitar. nothing but rob vocals. nothing but alloromanticism. guess what! it's not my cup of tea! however i can't help but think if this song was worked on more, fixed up a la either mmmm release, with some more andrew/red touches, i could enjoy it some more

-not even any drumming. the simplicity could easily explain why it wasn't played live very often at all

-so the next thing i expect is some very funky & very weird spring and a storm which should highlight steve's (worse) drumming more than anything else i'm sure

-nevermind banana man's just getting slapped directly in here out of order compared to the later mmmm releases. this version i have indeed heard before because it's the version used in the music video

-therefore i have very little to say about it i haven't said on any of the other banana men. or other tracks on this album. the intrusions of vocal harmonies seem jarring because they're not mixed professionally, an effect that's only enhanced by the stereo panning & intense reverb

-this song really didn't change all that much over its lifespan, did it? vocal flairs were redone, but relatively few harmonies were added/removed, i don't think things like the bridge(s) were modified severely. not as noticeably as any of the other songs, at the very least

-i'm pretty sure i can hear andrew's voice in there but beyond that this is severely unsettling

-back to the chorus wahoo. relievingly  familiar territory

-get out of my left ear hawaiian guitar- wait a minute are my earbuds on wrong

-no i'm good

-oh holy shit i forgot this had to be somewhere didn't it‽ i know it's just the same! ok ok

-i've heard this one but only because i had no idea it was from complete demos, it's like rather polished too so i had never considered it would be on an unpolished album like this. i also had no idea that was goddam steve drumming in there too hot damn

-and this is the only recording of it‽ that's wild i always thought it was redone at some point & just kinda. manifested in one of the vague ways miscellaneous high quality tally hall songs do

-it's another romance one but the guitar arpeggios and extra layers give it a pass in my book. man i should watch the music video for it shouldn't i

-i still think it's utterly wild how tally hall played this at an actual high school's homecoming once. wouldn't that just blow your mind

-there's not a major difference between how it's performed here & what i've heard of it in from the occasional live performance, which is making me realize i should watch more live performances of this song

-angstier prequel to hidden in the sand

-or sidequel maybe. depends really. we can tell whatever stories we like

-did my hidden in the sand sotry come out of the queue yet? i feel like i queued it a while ago but also like y'all would've said something if you'd seen it

-bit slow paced innit. much like everything else in this album, it would have gained much from a professional studio treatment, but its mixing & general quality is still surely the best out of everything i've heard so far

-working your falsetto there aren't you my dude? ooh boy

-ruler of everything.... so no spring & a storm? >{

-yeah. ok. weird glockenspiel. almost sounds like a music box

-no vocoding either! i just realized that's a thing here! curious. and... those are some heavily wonky sfx in the background

-who's singing those aaaaas anyway? it's not a chorus which i thought could surely be handled and there's really minimal reverb too; strange considering not only is reverb a jh trademark but easily doable here

-the piano synth used is mostly identical to the 05 mmmm- oh holy shit there's different lyrics & they're being beamed directly into my skull

-even more nonsensical & it's because you can hear them hella easily too. that backwards segment did not need to go on as long as it did. also

-so no zubin vocals? >{

-slapping 5 billion vocal effects on doesn't make up for a lack of the best singer in this damn band

-especially because he sounds reminiscent of goddam fred. being fred before fred was even a thing. oh how accursed

-quiet down your guitars when you're singing shouting through a megaphone if you please

-and there's the earstrain-ass reverb + vocoding on the flibbity jibber jabber reprise. i feared as much would happen. doesn't sound horrible i just need to turn down the volume on my mp3 player

-honestly thing whole thing isn't bad at all in the sense that it's mostly just strongly different from the later versions & lacks zubin

-lease stop yelling though my dude schwiggling your voice like that isn't always a good thing at high volumes

-is that the end? are we.... at the end? i heard that's the name of some song from like sketches or something

-no. how silly of me to assume as much. anyway my dude needs to fix up his ukulele this one sounds like shit

-no vocal effects makes me realize how few times we got this one live-

-now what would you call a wonky little transition like that? puts a smile on my face, even if it does take me by surprise at the same time

-but at least one of the times this was done live featured casey shea

-now for the love of god i already hate the ending of something glowing (view-monster) for its weird-ass asmr finale don't reverse someone's cough & twiddle your ukulele strings directly into my right ear to end an otherwise really nice version of hidden in the sand if you please. oh mama mia. good night

[cindyburman]

What?Ppl love Cindy! Not just in evil fun way but lots of commentary about her traumatic upbringing and how she deserved better. In fact there‘ve been more cool motive still murder type comments re: Henry. With the last ep opinions have swayed, but it’s reasonable? He participated in shitty, misogynistic fuckery. does that invalidate the whole rest of his life? Is the point not to allow ppl opportunities to grow and rectify past mistakes?It sure seemed like the argument the show was making. Idk?

sorry that this took me so long to answer i forgot 😔 anyways where are you seeing people defend her??? i’ve seen a lot more ‘cindy is a coldhearted remorseless bitch and i hope she dies’ comments (which just. isn’t true bc we’ve SEEN her show remorse before over pushing courtney away and abt accidentally killing her mother?? and that’s just what’s been onscreen, we don’t KNOW if she feels remorse over sending out yolanda’s nudes bc they haven’t SHOWN us any more than that but i think it’s fair to say that she clearly has feelings of some sort abt all of the bad decisions she’s made and she knows that they’re bad. anyways) than positive ones abt her, esp on other platforms. tumblr’s a little bit better abt not immediately writing her off but on certain social medias i haven’t seen ANY positive cindy commentary whereas it’s an absolute guarantee that you’ll see henry apologists (even before he was redeemed!!!) everywhere you go. 

the thing that a lot of people in the fandom seem not to understand abt the henry/cindy thing is that yes, they could’ve ended up in each other’s place very easily and henry almost went down the exact path that cindy did, but henry didn’t turn out differently bc he was a better person than cindy or something. he joined the jsa and sacrificed himself bc he had POSITIVE/anti-isa outside influences (courtney, his dad when it came to his mom’s death/hating jordan) when he first learned abt the jsa/isa and was offered the opportunity to join the jsa almost as soon as he developed his powers. whereas cindy has always had nothing but NEGATIVE/pro-isa influences (her dad, mainly) when she first learned abt the isa/jsa and for years afterward and was NEVER offered any opportunity to join the jsa or switch sides. imagine how isolating it would be to have powers and not only does that cause you to inadvertently kill your mom, the only person who knows abt your powers is your creepy half-lizard dad who isolates you and blames you for your mom’s death even though he’s the one that gave a third-grader superpowers. and i’m not trying to justify cindy’s actions, i’m just saying that she’s not the cut-and-dry emotionless unredeemable villain a lot of people seem to think she is. anyways maybe i’ll fuck around and say that cindy could’ve been everything henry was and more if she had the same opportunities that he had bc they’re far more similar in motivation than ppl think.

and i don’t (completely) hate henry. i agree that his last eps rounded him out more and showed that he could be better. sure, he grew and developed a little, but we have to remember that this whole thing played out over a couple of days in canon and everyone was just expected to forgive him. the problem isn’t that henry’s being allowed to change and attempt to atone for his past mistakes, but that yolanda doesn’t HAVE the opportunity to forget abt the situation bc what henry and cindy did to her will follow her around forever. i’m sure it’s all good and nice for yolanda to finally get a confirmation that henry isn’t a complete piece of shit, but that doesn’t CHANGE anything for her bc while henry gets to be remembered as a flawed hero she’s stuck in a school and a family that blames her for HIS mistakes. plus, the way that he died (sacrificing himself to save them) makes it hard for her to even justify hating him to herself (even though she is ABSOLUTELY justified in not forgiving him, nostalgia is a liar and very few people want to speak ill of the dead, especially those so recently deceased) and so in a way she’s FORCED into either forgiving him or pretending that she has. bc really, if her (ex) best friend was willing to side w him and trust him and let him onto the team before he died for them, yolanda probably doubts that courtney or the others would react well or agree w her if she told them that she still hated him after his sacrifice. 

in truth, most of my negative feelings abt henry stem from how many more opportunities he gets to redeem himself and change his story in canon than characters who actually deserve it (yolanda) and how the fandom treats him like he’s some perfect angel who’s SO much better than cindy and if he had survived, yolanda should have still forgiven him and then gotten back together w him. anyways there’s my take on this whole situation.

[mustangshelby04]

No

Pairings: Chris Evans / Charlotte Mackenzie (O/C)

Summary: Saying no leads Charlotte to a friendship she has never imagined.

A/N: I’m trying to force myself to write. Maybe this will light a fire under my ass…. Or my muse’s. She’s a bit flakey.

Chapter 2

Charlie looked around at the boxes filling up her living room.  Almost every room in the house was full of boxes.  She had brought most of her stuff from Omaha, but she’d ended up buying a lot of new furniture to fill up the new house and plenty of kitchenware to fill up the rather large kitchen.  She had a couple of friends that had seen her off, but only one of them had offered to drive to Boston with her to help her move in.

Amanda walked into the house with the last box from the moving POD. “That’s it!  We’re done.”

“Define done.” Charlie looked around her. “I’ve still got to figure out where all this stuff goes.”

“Have you even toured your house?”

“A little bit.”

Amanda moved past Charlie and walked through to the foyer.  She flung open a pair of french doors and let out a low whistle. “Now I see why you bought this place.  There’s a frickin library!”

“Yeah.  That was the reason I bought this place.” Charlie walked into the library. “It’s not huge, but it’s mine.”

“I may just move to Boston with you.”

“Be my guest.”

“I don’t think Roger would approve.  He wasn’t too keen on me coming here without him.”

“Well, you guys are trying for a baby.  If you’re not there, the babymaking is one-sided and that never works out.”

Amanda laughed. “He’s just mad because the doctor told him he can’t play with himself and I’m not there to relieve his blue balls.  Show me the upstairs!” There was a knock on the front door and the tall brunette looked at Charlie. “You expecting someone?”

Charlie shrugged and walked over to open the door.  Chris stood there with a man and an older woman. “Chris!” Charlie smiled brightly and hugged him tightly. “What are you doing here?”

“We came to help you move in,” Chris said. “Mac, this is my mom, Lisa, and this is my friend Josh.” “It’s nice to finally meet you,” Lisa said, shaking Charlie’s hand. “My son has had nothing but good things to say about you.”

Charlie and Chris had spent the entire night talking that horrible day in Chicago.  He’d offered her a ride to the airport the next morning and they hadn’t stopped talking the entire time.  Since they’d parted ways, they had texted and called non-stop.  Their friendship was an easy one and their conversations were always lengthy and in-depth.  Philosophical debates were a favorite pastime for them as well as recommending books to one another.

There was a throat being cleared loudly behind Charlie and she turned to look at Amanda. “This is my friend Amanda.”

“Mandy’s fine,” Amanda said. “She told me she was friends with Chris Evans, but I didn’t believe her because she was so nonchalant about it.  I guess it’s true.” She shook Chris’ hand. “Thank you for being there for her when that jackass dumped her like that.”

“It was my pleasure,” Chris said. “It’s great to meet you.  Mac talks a lot about you.”

“I’m so mad you get to call her Mac.  She never lets anyone call her that.”

“Oh my god, please come in!” Charlie said. “It’s cold out there.” She ushered Chris, Josh, and Lisa inside. “You really didn’t have to come help.”

“It’s the neighborly thing to do.” Chris said. “So, point us in the right direction and we’ll get started..”

“We’ve gotten everything in from the POD,” Amanda announced.

“And the furniture was delivered yesterday,” Charlie added. “Not all of it was put together.”

“I’ll go put things away in the kitchen,” Lisa announced. “Chris and Josh can start building furniture.”

“Charlie, you and I can start unpacking your books in that amazing library of yours.” Amanda declared.

Five hours later, everyone was standing around the kitchen island eating pizza that Lisa had ordered from Leone’s.  The place was starting to look like someone lived there.  Empty boxes were piled up in the mudroom, ready to be disposed of.  The furniture still needed some rearranging, but it was mostly put together.

“You should throw a housewarming party.” Amanda declared.

“I think this is the housewarming party,” Charlie answered. “I don’t know anyone here.  Besides Chris.  And now Josh and Lisa.  You’re leaving me tomorrow.”

“You’re going to make friends at work.”

“I don’t officially start for another two weeks.  And it’s far enough away, I doubt I’ll be spending much time hanging out there.  Which I am perfectly fine with.  It’s one of the reasons why I chose Concord.”

“Your Spartan lifestyle is so confusing to me.” 

Amanda had been the most popular girl all through school.  When Charlie had moved to Omaha, Amanda had somehow managed to find out her story and took the young ginger girl under her wing.  Charlie was sucked into the popular group, but she wasn’t really one of them.  Amanda had been a cheerleader, in every school club she could be, and had been in theatre.  Of course she starred in everything.  Charlie had been the wallflower.  The only club she had been in was the Young Author’s Club.  She had gone to some games and attended the school plays to support her best friend, but she had always preferred to be the one in the supporting role.  It wasn’t until college that Charlie began to find herself and came out of her shell some.

A lot of people didn’t understand her friendship with Amanda.  They were polar opposites.  But Amanda was an amazing friend.  She had come to love Charlie like a sister and that vice was plenty versa.  They had just clicked from the first conversation and had been nearly inseparable.  They had even attended the same college and had made sure to be roommates through all four years.  To many, Amanda seemed like the typical shallow popular girl, but she was actually a very smart woman with a deep, caring heart and soul.

“I am perfectly happy surrounded by my books,” Charlie said. “I just bought another box worth from that second-hand store back home, so I’ve got plenty to catch up on.”

“I keep telling you that you have an addiction to reading.  Is there a Books Anonymous you can attend?”

Charlie laughed, but it was Chris that spoke next. “I’m in town for a little while.  I have no problem showing you around your new home.”

“That’s a great idea, Chris!” Lisa exclaimed. “There’s plenty to see and do around here.”

“I suppose I’ll have to learn the surroundings at some point.” Charlie agreed.

“And the city.” Josh added. “You’ll need to learn your way around it, too.  It can be a bit confusing.”

“That’s an understatement.” Chris laughed. “But Josh is right.  We’ll have to plan some days to head into Boston and get you acclimated.”

“I appreciate that.” Charlie said.  She noticed Lisa and Amanda stifling yawns. “It’s getting late.  You guys have done so much.  You really don’t have to stay and finish.”

“I’m going to stay.  There’s a couple of pieces I was fighting with that I want to finish.”

“I’ll take Lisa home.” Josh offered.

“Thanks, man.” Chris clapped his friend on the shoulder.

“Yes, thank you, Josh.” Lisa said. 

“I’ll walk you guys out.” Charlie offered.

“Charlie, please don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything.” Lisa said as they got to the front door. “Chris will give you my number.”

“Oh, thank you so much, Lisa!” Charlie hugged the older woman tightly.

“Chris hasn’t been himself since his breakup a few months ago.  You’ve been such a bright light in his life these last few weeks and he seems to be getting back to who he is.  I think you’re a big part of that, so I am eternally grateful to you.”

“He’s never even mentioned a breakup to me.”

“That’s good!  It was rough on him.  He said you went through a rough breakup, too.”

“I did.  I got abandoned in Chicago because I refused to marry him.”

“What a jackass!” Lisa hugged Charlie again. “Well, his loss is our gain.  I’ll see you soon, sweetie.” 

Charlie waved at Lisa as she headed out and hugged Josh as he said his goodbyes.  She joined Amanda and Chris in the kitchen. “And then there were three.”

“Make that two.” Amanda said. “I’m beat and I’m going to bed.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes.  These hormone injections aren’t fun.  They take a lot out of me.” “I’m sorry.”

“It’s all in the name of having a baby.” Amanda turned to Chris. “It was lovely to meet you.  Take care of my Charlie-bug.”

“I will do my best.” Chris promised, hugging Amanda. “It was really good to meet you, too.”

Charlie turned to Chris. “Where’s the last of the furniture you wanted to put together?”

“Your bedroom.  I need to finish your bed, the dresser, and one more nightstand.”

“I’ll help you.” She grabbed the last box of pizza and headed out of the kitchen.  They headed upstairs and into the master bedroom.  Amanda was thankfully staying in the guest room at the other end of the house, so they wouldn’t risk waking her with their noise. “I didn’t realize it was getting late.”

“It’s not.” Chris said. “It’s only nine.”

“Really?  Huh….”

They set to work on getting her bed finished. “So, Amanda is trying to have a baby?”

“Yeah.  She and her husband Roger tried for a year before going to see a specialist.  She’s doing her third round of IUI now.  If that doesn’t work, they’ll have to try IVF.”

“Wow!  That’s a lot to go through to have a baby.”

“She’s been really stressed out about it.  I’m glad she decided to come with me to help me move.  It’s a nice little getaway for her.”

“It’s too bad she’s leaving tomorrow.  I could’ve taken you ladies into the city.”

“We kind of have to head that way anyway.  She’s flying back.  Her flight leaves at five in the evening.”

“Would you like me to take you guys?  I know the way and we could have lunch somewhere.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah!” “That’s really kind of you.”

“Anytime.” He gave her a bright smile.

They were quiet for a long time as they finished putting the frame of the bed together and attaching the padded headboard.  When they had moved on to the dresser and the nightstand, Charlie looked across the room at Chris. “So, your mom said you went through a tough breakup a few months ago.”

Chris kept his attention on the dresser drawer he was assembling. “Yeah.” “Did she propose then dump you in a strange city when you said no?”

Chris chuckled softly, but stayed quiet.  Finally he said, “I wouldn’t have said no.”

“Oh.”

He sighed and paused in his work. “I really liked her.  I could’ve loved her.”

“I’m sorry.”

“We dated for a few months last year and then for a few months this year.”

“What happened?”

“Different schedules.  Different life plans.  She wanted to be more public.  I wanted to be more private.  I just don’t think that my business is the world’s business.”

“And she did?”

“She’s a comedian.  She loved to talk about our relationship at her shows and she tweeted about us a lot.  It really bothered me.  We had a huge fight and she walked out.”

“I’m really sorry, Chris.”

“It’s ok.” Chris shrugged.

“It’s really not.  You should be allowed to have a say in your relationship.  If her being so public about it made you uncomfortable and she couldn’t respect that, then it’s better that you parted ways.  You deserve better than that.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” She shot him a smile. “The right woman is out there for you.  I hope you haven’t given up hope.”

“I’m too much of a hopeless romantic for that.” He watched her for a long moment.  Her tongue was sticking out of the side of her mouth as she concentrated on fitting two pieces together.  A lock of her copper hair had escaped the messy bun on top of her head and she kept pushing it back behind her ear. “What about you, Mac?” “What about me?”

“Have you given up on finding someone?”

She stopped in her task and looked over at him. “I don’t really have time for dating.  I’m always so busy.”

“You had time for the jackass.”

“Barely.  And look how well that turned out.”

“How many boyfriends have you had in your life?”

“Um….. Three.  One in high school.  One in college.  And then jackass.”

“What!?”

“What?”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“Were they long term?”

“High school Chad was a year.  College Bryan was three years.  Jackass Sam was six months.” “You’re thirty-four and you’ve only had three boyfriends?”

“Why is that so shocking?”

“Because you’re gorgeous.  You’re smart and funny and witty…..”

“There you go trying to get into my pants again.”

Chris laughed. “It would be a futile effort.”

She shrugged. “I don’t know.  Maybe not.”

He quirked an eyebrow at her. “Are you trying to seduce me?”

That made her laugh. “If I was, you’d be flat on your back instead of struggling with that drawer.”

“Listen to that confidence!”

“I’m just saying, clearly you can’t resist my charms.  Too bad for you I’m not looking for a romantic relationship.”

“Who says it has to be romantic?”

“Oh, please, Chris!  You’re a hopeless romantic.  Those were your words.”

“True, but I’m also a human male.” “What does that mean?”

“It means: why can’t we have some fun together?”

“Oh my god!  You really are trying to get in my pants!”

He chuckled. “Like I said, you’re gorgeous, smart, funny, witty….”

“Ok, Casanova…. Calm down over there.”

“Hey, you brought it up.”

“I may sound confident, but I’ve never had a friend with benefits.”

“Honestly, neither have I.  A few one night stands, sure, but not a friend with benefits.  Maybe taking a break from dating and having a no-strings-attached thing would benefit us both.”

“How would it work?”

“I’m not a fan of the term ‘booty-call,’ so maybe when we’re hanging out and the urge arises…. We don’t ignore it?”

“Ok.  What if the urge arises and we’re not together?”

“That would be a booty-call.”

“So, don’t call it a booty-call.  There are plenty of other words in the English language to use.”

“Ok, Miss Book Editor, what words would you use?”

Charlie thought for a second. “How about a tryst?”

“Oooh!  I like that.”

“Thought you might.  What happens if one of us catches feelings?”

“We’ll stop.  Or deal with it accordingly.”

“Easier said than done.”

“You planning to fall in love with me?”

“Not in the near future.  You’re not my type, Evans.”

“How so?”

“You’re too much of a jock.”

“No!”

“Yup.  You’re up early for work outs and you love sports.  You speak fluent bro despite your eloquence and surprising depth.  On top of that, you’re always travelling for work.  Which, by the way, your job is too rich for my blood.”

Chris nodded in understanding.  He wasn’t offended at all.  She had him pegged pretty well and his job was a bit crazy to someone not in the industry.  He could only imagine what she must make of it being such a…. What had Amanda said…. Spartan. “Ok, Mac, fair points well made.  What is your type?”

That seemed to stump her. “Um…. I….. Well….”

“So, I could be your type, but you’re just not sure.”

She rolled her eyes. “Are you planning on falling in love with me?”

He took a moment to think about it. “Not in the near future, but I’m open to all possibilities.”

Charlie rolled her eyes again. “Ok.  I’m willing to give it a try if you are.”

Chris grinned. “We’re gonna have some serious fun.”

Please let me know if you want to be tagged in this story. The more people that want to read it, the better. I want my muse to feel the pressure!

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[softbiker]

Born to Run - Chapter 5

Warnings: some cursing, descriptions of injuries, sloppy editing

Word count: 3k (whew)

A/N: Here we go!! I’m excited about this chapter and your responses. I’m also excited for the story to keep picking up from here. :) Slow burn is still a slow burn though, sorry not sorry. As always, let me know what you think!! Thanks for reading!

“Oh my god…” Y/N gasped. “Get in here, now.”

She helped Bucky into her house, screen door banging behind him. He leaned his weight on her heavily, hissing when her shoulder jarred him a little.

“Sorry, sorry,” she muttered,

“S’alright,” he shook his head. “Where d’you want me?”

“Bathroom.”

They stumbled down the hall together, barely able to fit side by side with Bucky’s massive shoulders filling the space. She could feel his blood soaking her clothes, staining the pale pink scrubs she had neglected to take off. She imagined, for a moment, this man dying in her house.

“What happened this time? Another metal stake?”

He grunted, almost a laugh. “Sure, let’s call it that.”

Fucking bikers.

Y/N sat him down on the side of her bathtub and instructed him to peel off his top layers while she went for her first aid kit. She cursed under her breath the whole way, throwing open her kitchen cabinets and shuffling around her dishes and coffee mugs before remembering the kit was under the sink. Grabbing it, she ran back to the bathroom. She stopped right outside the door, eyes closed, breath held.

Please don’t let him die in my house.

Bucky was still on the edge of the tub, his bloody shirt and jacket dropped inside. His hand was pressed over the wound on his now bare torso, blood smeared from the struggle of taking his shirt off. She had never noticed somehow, all the tattoos that traced from his left shoulder down to his wrist. When he looked up, his eyes were glassy and distant, and she snapped back into focus.

“Alright. Let’s see it.”

He had definitely been stabbed. Maybe with a metal stake. More likely with a knife - something with a serrated edge, too. The jagged tears in the skin around the wound told her that. It was a bit deep, deeper than she would have liked to be treating from the floor of her bathroom, but this would have to do. Save his life or don’t.

She got to work, cleaned him up and ruined towels and disinfected and stitched. Bucky managed to stay conscious through it all, mumbling about everything she asked: the Army, his family, his elementary school. His shaking fingers gripped the edge of her tub, keeping him upright. She took note of the other scars, big and small, all over his body - at least, what she could see of it. She didn’t ask which were from the Army and which from the Avengers.

She tucked old sheets over the cushions of her couch, fluffed up some extra pillows, and put her patient to bed in the living room. His eyes closed immediately, sweaty hair bunched up under his neck. She watched him for a minute, waited for his breathing to slow.

He grabbed her hand before she could leave.

“Y/N,” he sighed, eyes still closed. “Thank you.”

She didn’t say a word.

**********

Bucky Barnes was a lucky man.

He knew this. Even when he got dealt a shitty hand in life, he always managed to stay in the game long enough for things to turn around. That was how he had made it this long, even with every dangerous choice he made, every time he looked at his cards and chose not to fold, to up the ante a little bit. That was how he got to Y/N’s house last night without bleeding out and crashing his motorcycle, how she was home and agreed to help him. He was one goddamn lucky sonuvabitch.

When he woke to the sound and smell of frying bacon, he was thinking about that, luck. He thought that with just a little bit more of it, he could’ve been waking up to this all the time - a quiet home, a woman cooking breakfast in the kitchen. For better or worse, his luck had never gotten him quite that far.

Y/N found her patient lying awake on the couch, staring at the dusty ceiling fan.

“Good morning,” she greeted, sitting on the coffee table in front of him.

“Mm. Mornin’,” he croaked. His throat felt like sandpaper. Without asking, Y/N held out a cup of water with a straw. He took it and slurped.

“Thanks,” he said, clearing his throat and shifting against the pillow. She just raised her eyebrows.

“I think you owe me a lot more than ‘thanks’.”

“I know, doc. I know.” Bucky shuffled back against the cushion. “But can I use your bathroom first?”

Y/N helped him hobble down the hallway, threatening to let him die alone if he popped his stitches. She stood outside the door when he protested that he could manage to pee by himself, sighing as she heard him curse under his breath when he hit his toe on the edge of the cabinet, and listening to the sink run.

When he reappeared in the bathroom doorway, he looked better. He had splashed some water on his face, if the droplets running down his neck were anything to go by. Her eyes followed them and she remembered that he was still shirtless, with only a bandage covering his injury. His tattoos were stark against the rest of his olive-colored skin.

She realized she was staring when he cleared his throat.

“I was just making breakfast,” she blurted, letting him prop himself up on her shoulder without a glance at his face. “Are you hungry?”

“Well, I’m not gonna say no to whatever that is that smells so good.” She could hear the smile in his voice, but still didn’t look at him. She settled him in his spot on the couch and hurried off to the kitchen to make a plate.

Y/N gathered a cup of coffee and a full plate of eggs, bacon, potatoes, and toast onto a beautiful tray she was sure had never been used. A part of her, a little voice in the back of her head, watched from the outside and couldn’t believe what she was doing - making coffee and bringing breakfast in bed, playing house with a (suspected) criminal. She did her best to ignore it.

She watched from her perch on the coffee table as Bucky tucked into his breakfast, eager and appreciative with every bite.

“So. You made it through the night, and your appetite is good, which means you probably won’t be dying on my couch,” Y/N began, as Bucky forked a couple of potatoes. “I think this means you can start telling me what the hell is going on around here.”

Bucky eyed her, guilt heavy in his gaze, and laid down his fork. He sipped his coffee, turning his face away from her, his jaw tightening.

“I know...that you deserve some answers,” he said, after a minute of silence. “And I know it ain’t right showing up like this, dragging you into our shit. For the record, I never wanted - I didn’t want to ask you.”

“Ask me what?”

“To help out the Avengers. Be our medic, whatever the hell you wanna call it. They should’ve left you out of it.”

“Well we agree on that point.”

Bucky shook his head.

“No, you don’t understand-”

“Then fucking explain!” Y/N threw her hands up in frustration. Bucky sighed, staring at her with sad eyes. He pushed the tray back, finished with his plate, and leaned as far forward as his wound would allow.

“I…” he sucked in a deep breath, tensing up his body. “I’ll tell you some things. As much as I can, alright? But, for your safety...the less you know the better.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “Sure, fine, whatever. Just get on with it.”

Bucky nodded and blew out another breath, settling back against the couch again and running a hand through his long hair. He shifted a little, chewed on his bottom lip and picked at the fabric of his jeans. Took another sip of his cooling coffee. Finally, he settled a soft gaze on her and began his story.

“We’re not what you think we are.”

Y/N raised her eyebrows.

“Well, okay, we are a motorcycle club,” he corrected, raising a hand. “But, we’re not...those articles, the things on the internet, that’s not us. We aren’t vandals or thieves, or whatever else they’re saying about us around town.”

“How about murderers? Drug traffickers?”

Bucky huffed out a laugh. “No, of course not.” Y/N wasn’t laughing. He continued.

“Look - shit I’m bad at this. Lemme start over,” he shook his head. “Me and Steve, we’ve been best friends since we were 6 years old. When we got out of high school, we went straight into the Army together. Didn’t really know what else to do, ya know? And there’s money for college with the military, so. But when we got out, still had no idea what we were gonna do. I had worked in a garage in high school, and we always liked working on motorcycles together...over time, we had sort of a group so we decided to make it a real motorcycle club. And then...when we moved out here…”

He paused for a moment, working his jaw. Y/N noticed that he couldn’t keep his eyes on her, couldn’t maintain eye contact.

“...when we moved out here, I guess three years ago now, we overlapped territory with some bad people. Club called Hydra - but their leader goes by Crossbones. They’re...Y/N, they’re everything you thought our club would be. Violent, ruthless. Cruel. They’ve managed to keep their names and activities out of the press, somehow, since the Avengers are more visible. We get blamed for everything. But we try to stop them, where we can, and that’s how we end up getting into...accidents.”

“Mm. Accidentally running into knives.”

“Yeah,” he gave her an awkward grimace. “And - well, I shouldn’t really tell you more than that. You’ve gotta believe me, I would never have dragged you into any of this. You could be in danger just from bein’ seen with me - these people, Hydra, they wouldn’t hesitate to-” He cut himself off with a shake of his head, eyes wide and pleading. Y/N felt ice drip down her spine. Suddenly she was more scared of what he didn’t say, wouldn’t say.

“Well, it’s a little late for that isn’t it,” she sighed coldly, crossing her arms.

His eyes, those damn eyes. He was begging her to believe him, and the worst thing was that she did. Not all of it, not every turn of his vague and incomplete story, but there was just something about it, about him. She wanted to trust him. Even when he had just told her that he could get her killed.

“Alright then.”

“Alright?” His eyebrows went up.

“I believe you,” she shrugged.

“You do?”

“I mean, not all of it. You’ve got some pretty big holes in your story. But maybe you’re not a criminal.”

He practically melted with relief, his posture relaxing as he sagged against the couch. A rueful smile stretched up the corner of his mouth.

“I - thank you, that really means a lot.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” she said, standing and gathering up his tray. “Now get some rest. That’s enough talking for now.”

**********

Bucky had been out cold for three hours now, and Y/N was pacing back and forth in her kitchen.

Okay, so maybe he could explain things. Some things. Didn’t mean he wasn’t dangerous. His friends were dangerous. His enemies were even more so. In spite of her best efforts to ignore him, he was now napping on her couch as he recovered from an injury. So much for that.

She refilled her coffee cup for the fifth time, ignoring the trembling in her fingers and wondering what in the hell she was actually going to do about this. It’s not like she could call the cops - what would she tell them? That she helped a wounded man? And she had no one here, no friends, no family. No one she could run to for help.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the front door.

Bucky slept through it, his faint snores coming steadily from the couch as she crept through the living room. She couldn’t imagine who would be coming to her house, let alone on a Saturday, but she poked her head around the door anyway.

“Hello!” Mr. Van Horn waved through the screen door.

Shit.

“Oh, hi!” Y/N waved nervously, stepping out onto the porch and pulling the front door nearly closed behind her. “Hi, Mr. Van Horn, I’m sorry I didn’t realize you’d be stopping by today?”

“Oh, of course, I’m sorry I didn’t call - hope I didn’t wake you up or anythin’,” he frowned apologetically. “Was just droppin’ by to check on things? See if you were all settled?”

“Yes, I’m - I’m all moved in, doing just fine,” she shrugged, trying to keep things light and talk him off her porch as quickly as possible. “Everything’s just fine.”

“Well, that’s what I like to hear,” the old man smiled, adjusting his John Deere cap. “And what about your clinic? Everything going alright?”

Oh god please just leave before coming inside and finding the man who bled on your mother’s carpet.

“Sure, sure, nothing too crazy. Just, you know, trying to stay busy.” She smiled, bright and fake, unsure how much longer she could keep making small talk before etiquette required her to invite him inside.

She was spared and condemned by the revving of motorcycle engines up the road.

They turned at the same time to see them, three bikes speeding down the small residential street, their riders dressed all in black and covered in helmets. Mr. Van Horn finally seemed to notice the Harley parked in the driveway, and his eyes slid between the bike and Y/N and the newcomers, mouth puckering in a confused frown. When the bikes pulled up next to the curb in front of the house, he half turned back to her.

“What on earth have you gotten yourself into, girl?” he muttered.

She stared at him, at her uninvited guests, speechless. Asked herself the exact same question as she watched Steve Rogers pull of his helmet and dismount his bike, eating up the driveway in long strides. Sam Wilson followed, flanking him, and a woman - beautiful, with bright red hair.

“Afternoon,” Steve smiled tightly, his greeting directed more to Y/N than to the old man standing next to her. He gave a small nod to Mr. Van Horn, but kept his gaze on her. “How is he?”

She crossed her arms across her chest, an afternoon breeze bringing out goosebumps along her arms.

“Fine. Resting.”

Steve nodded, then made for the front door. His friends followed a half-step behind, Sam giving Y/N a small nod and a wave. They were swinging open the screen door and slipping inside before she could protest.

When she looked back at Mr. Van Horn, he was already watching her.

“I sure as hell hope you know what you’re doing,” he sighed, and walked back to his truck.

**********

“So, he’s going to fully recover?”

“As far as I can tell, yes. But all I did was patch him up in a bathroom, he should have a real examination at the clinic - better yet, a hospital.”

“Hm. Looks like I’m still stuck with your sorry ass, Barnes.” Sam Wilson slumped in an armchair next to the couch. Bucky flipped hims off, frowning.

“He’s lucky - we’re lucky - you’re around,” the woman, Natasha, spoke up. “He would have died last night without your help.”

“Yes, I think that’s pretty obvious,” Y/N frowned.

“The point is,” Steve came around the corner from the kitchen, holding a glass of water. “That we need you. Life or death. You’re smart, you’re good at your job, you’re great under pressure. It’s that simple - you’re the best option we have.”

“Just because I’m a good doctor - which I am - doesn’t mean I want to join a biker gang. You’re all crazy!” She gestured to Bucky, propped up against the arm of the couch. “He almost died last night, and that’s just a casual Friday to you! You’re fucking insane!”

“We’re a biker gang that can pay you,” Steve countered.

“Enough that you could pay off your student loans in half the time,” Natasha added. Y/N’s gaze snapped to her, brows furrowed, but Natasha only shrugged. “I do my research. I know you wouldn’t be out here, in the middle of nowhere, if it weren’t for the deal to let the clinic pay off your debt. Let us do it, and you can get out of here in 2 years, tops.”

Y/N was struck dumb, both by the size of the offer and the starkness of it. The opportunity. They were offering her thousands, tens of thousands, just to be a part time field medic for a couple of years? They needed someone that badly? The way they were all looking at her, she knew the offer was serious.

“If I say yes…” she spoke slowly, tasting the apprehension on her tongue. “You agree that I have a limited contract? I do the work, I get the money, and then I’m gone. I’m taking 2 years as a guarantee.”

“Agreed.” Steve nodded immediately.

“You won’t try to keep me here? Withhold money? Blackmail or kidnap me?”

Sam and Bucky chuckled a bit at her comment, but Y/N was dead serious, holding Steve’s gaze.

“You have my word,” Steve crossed a hand over his heart. “You’re free to go whenever you want, money or no money.”

Y/N turned and looked out her front window, the blinds opened to the afternoon sunshine. The grass of her lawn was still a brilliant green, the late summer hum of insects still loud and strong, the sun warm. She thought of her old apartment in the city, summers with the windows open and dining al fresco and her friends sipping beer on the fire escape.

She stuck out her hand. Clasped Steve Rogers’ in a tight grip.

“Fine. We have a deal.”