#not to bring john wick 4 into this but this movie feels like a joke after seeing that

[calkale]

Okay dead reckoning spoilers ahead ill put a cut just in case also if you like the movie maybe don’t read either 👀😬 but if you do please read the whole thing or at least the last paragraph because that in my opinion is the most important thing i have to say

Before i say anything i know im in the wrong here, i have a really personal issue with the movie that i dont feel comfortable sharing but its one of the names used A LOT in the movie, so that definitely plays a part in my opinion whether i like it or not. That being said, usually i can ignore stuff like that, ive done it with other movies but there was nothing else to grasp my attention so i got stuck on things like that.

Also wanna say this first because i feel like it explains why i hate a lot of the things i do. I could really be reaching here but i think they’re trying to set up hayley as the new face of these movies and dead reckoning part 2 is gonna be the end for tom. She was the main character, Ethan was not. She was a part of 2 stunts out of the 3 big ones in the movie and Toms solo stunt (the cliff jump) was maybe a minute of the movie and correct me if im wrong but thats never happened before, Toms always had a big stunt thats just him that takes up a good, MEMORABLE, chunk of the movie, and that just wasnt in this.

I didn’t like it at all. Up until the airport i loved the movie, i really liked the way it was shot, i liked the mi1 callbacks, i really liked ethan and ilsa and everything was good, i could ignore the AI plot (which i knew i wasnt gonna like going into it i hate AI villains) and just watch the movie but after the airport i started to not like the movie anymore. During the fiat car chase i realized i was gonna really not gonna like the movie. That was one of the three big stunts of the movie and i hated it, it just felt really rushed and there were so many characters who i didnt know and didnt know why they were there, WHICH IS OKAY i love not knowing things thats part of my brand im all about that but it just did not work here, sometimes not knowing anything about character works and other times it doesnt.

I dont remember a lot from the middle chunk of the movie, i wasnt enjoying it but trust me i was trying. Not even benji and luther made the movie enjoyable and to top it all off ilsa died and im getting mad again but that was one of the worst deaths i think ive seen. If shes not actually dead then thank god but also im sorry mcq but awful writing unless something got cut because she was free? She was dead? There was no bounty on her head anymore, that was why she “died” at the start of the movie and correct me if im wrong but she really didnt need to be in Venice with her face showing either. It really feels like she just died so hayley could be in the spotlight with ethan and there were too many characters so they had to get rid of her along with benji and luther who arent dead but may as well be with their 10 minutes of screen time.

But all of this i can look past, i dont like the plot? whatever, thats not why i, personally, watch mission impossible movies, i watch for the stunts, i wanna see tom cruise do some crazy shit but i didnt even get that. Im really mad about the lack of stunts in this movie i feel insane idk if anyone else is complaining about this but i didnt like a single one of them. Im so let down and i hate that im so upset over something like this but i am. Thats the promise thats being made when you go see these movies and in my opinion they didn’t deliver. All the fighting was really good i loved the fight in that tight alleyway with ethan and paris but i hated the car chase, the cliff jump could’ve been better? i dont even know what to say about that one tbh, and the train, ohhhhhh the train, i dont even wanna talk about the train, i was trying so hard to like it i wanted it to redeem the whole movie for me but it just didnt, i feel so bad but it didnt and im so disappointed.

[kevinsreviewcatalogue]

Review: Hundreds of Beavers (2022)

Hundreds of Beavers (2022)

Not rated

<Originally posted at https://kevinsreviewcatalogue.blogspot.com/2024/04/review-hundreds-of-beavers-2022.html>

Score: 5 out of 5

Hundreds of Beavers is one of the funniest damn movies I've seen in a long time. A mix of Looney Tunes cartoons, wilderness epics, video games, and old-time silent comedy, it's 108 minutes of non-stop, rapid-fire slapstick with barely any dialogue that gets going in the first five minutes and never lets up until the very end, constantly escalating its jokes into the ridiculous in ways that never failed to put a smile on my face. It's the kind of movie where, at nearly two hours, I should've gotten bored given my distaste for comedies that run overly long, but just as John Wick: Chapter 4 managed to pull off the feat of maintaining non-stop action movie energy for nearly three hours, this movie had me laughing out of my seat constantly. If this movie is playing anywhere near you, be it in theaters or on VOD, you owe it to yourself to seek it out.

The plot is simple. In the rugged forests of 19th century northern North America, applejack maker Jean Kayak loses his farm in a comic mishap and now has to survive in the winter wilderness with his limited wits, whereupon he eventually crosses paths with an army of beavers building... something a bit more elaborate than a dam. The only outpost of civilization for miles around is a fur trading post, where Jean both trades pelts for equipment and sets out to win the heart of the owner's beautiful daughter, who's also the trading post's furrier who skins all the beavers he brings them. From that setup, we get a constantly escalating series of comic mishaps and set pieces as Jean sets out to trap rabbits, beavers, and other woodland critters while they in turn try to outwit him -- not a difficult feat, as it turns out. This is a film that runs on cartoon logic where realism takes a backseat, with holes in the ground serving almost as a portal network in the forest and both Jean and the beavers building increasingly outlandish contraptions to kill each other with. This film doesn't have an MPAA rating, but if I had to give it one, I'd probably give it a PG-13, with some light sex jokes (specifically one involving the trader's daughter) but nothing explicit and all the beaver death presented in an extremely slapstick manner that's more Wile E. Coyote than Red Dead Redemption.

Ryland Brickson Cole Tews, the film's co-writer alongside its director Mike Cheslik, plays Jean, and he is an immediately larger-than-life figure, a parody of a 19th-century outdoorsman and hunter-trapper who starts the film cocky and dimwitted and eventually turns into a cackling madman as it goes on. Working entirely without dialogue, he delivers a phenomenal comic performance purely through his expressions as Jean is subjected to every indignity under the sun in his quest. The entire cast understood the assignment, but this was the guy who had to carry the whole film on his shoulders, and after this, I'd happily pay to see him in other films. No less important, however, were the titular beavers, all of them, together with most of the other animals in the film, played by humans in furry animal suits. If Jean is like Wile E. Coyote or Elmer Fudd in live-action, then they're like Bugs Bunny or the Roadrunner, their obviously human proportions adding to the sense of these creatures as mischievous little critters who seem to be enjoying the torment they put Jean through. The overall aesthetic of the film, shot in black and white with gleeful disregard for realism in its special effects, not only makes the painful slapstick that Jean is constantly subjected to feel, well, more slapstick even as it touched on some surprisingly dark areas (including the funniest scene of an animal getting skinned you'll ever see), it also creates the feel of watching a live-action video game, specifically a mix of an open-world RPG with Jean's quest and accumulation of gear and a Super Nintendo side-scroller with the fantastical environments he goes through in that quest. This was a longer-than-usual comedy, but it was one that, between its non-stop onslaught of jokes and the constant progression of its story, never got old or felt like it was spinning its wheels.

The Bottom Line

Great comedies are hard for me to review without giving away the best parts, and this was a great one. I expect everyone involved with this movie to get a lot of attention going forward, such was the great time I had watching it. This is probably gonna be on my personal "best of 2024" list when the year is up, and I'm telling you now: go see it.

[ribbons-in-autumn]

MY 2023 MEDIA ROUNDUP

I've read a lot of manga in 2023. I've watched some things in 2023. Here's my roundup of some of the best ones. Screenreader users I don't know how image ID descriptions work so I'm just gonna type out the text on the image.

Part 1 - Manga

There is no good manga that came out (or rather, started publication) in 2023. But here are some of my favourites that continued (or ended) publication.

Dungeon Meshi (ended publication) - An incredibly heartwarming story about family, adventure, and cuisine. Full of heart of traditional fantasy stories with an impeccable worldbuilding that accentuates its excellent characters.

Skip and Loafer (currently publishing) - Kindness and niceness doesn't always go hand in hand, but this story reminds you that everyone has the capacity for good. Its complex characters scheme, doubt themselves, keep secrets, confide in each other, tell jokes, keep busy, and do all the things that make them feel human and real.

Ikoku Nikki (ended publication) - Tearjerking, heartwrenching, cathartic. This story depicting life and grief makes me cry like no other, but it is not about sadness. It is about love, it is about awkwardness, it is about embarassment, it is about everything that keeps people going, that keeps us alive.

Medalist (currently publishing) - Something a bit different from the others, this is an underdog sports story, with wonderfully written characters and gorgeous art, it tells a story of grit, tenacity, and the hope that those feelings bring about. The main and deuteragonist characters are definite standouts at the cost of rather shallow side characters. Still, it's probably the best sports story in recent manga history, though.

The following are manga I read in 2023, but may be published earlier. Exercise caution as I'm too lazy to describe them.

Q.E.D. Shoumei Shuuryou - Case of the week mystery

Ohana Holoholo - Tearjerker story about former lovers who come to raise a child together

Ace of the Diamond - Baseball

Look Back - Growing pains and the horrors of being an artist

20th Century Boys - Insane goose chase conspiratorial mystery about a cult-driven coming apocalypse

Billy Bat - Supernatural thriller about international conspiracies based around a cartoon bat

Bokura no Funkasai ('Our Eruption Festival') - How two very different people handle their lvies being upended by a miracle

Tengoku Daimakyou ('Heavenly Delusion') - Post-post-apocalypse story about a country trying to rebuilt from its mysterious ashes

Sousou no Frieren ('Frieren: At Journey's End') - Longing, desire, regrets, and doing menial tasks for shit pay

Karakida-ke no Koshogurashi ('The Karakida Family's Life Among the Old Books') - Three sisters live together under the roof of their grandfather's antique bookstore

Part 2 - Movies

I'm not gonna claim I'm a regular moviegoer. Here's my best two out of ten movies I watched from this year:

Killers of the Flower Moon - This was my first Scorcese film and it did not disappoint. The direction and acting kept me repulsed at all times. I applaud them for portraying such an utterly unlikable protagonist. Lily Gladstone rocked.

Oppenheimer - Nolan's style of editing adds to the chaos of the story. The quick, sudden cuts from all the concurrent plotlines really lends itself well to how the story plays out. Cillian Murphy slayed.

Here's other movies which may have come out earlier:

Theatrical Revue Starlight (2021)

Dungeons & Dragons (2023)

The Handmaiden (2016)

John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023)

Evangelion 3.0+1.0: Thrice Upon a Time (2021)

Part 3 - Shows

Which is mostly anime. Sorry.

The Bear (Season 2) - People trying to live their best lives in the fine dining industry past their traumas and hardships. It is very stressful emotionally, but also really cathartic.

BanG Dream! It's MyGO!!!!! - Five girls, each 'lost' in their own way, find solace and comfort in music and each other's company. Within this idol anime lies so much heart and passion, it's no wonder Bushiroad has released countless merch of them.

These ones are all from 2023, I just don't want to write abot them.

Succession (Season 4) - Thrilling conclusion to the four season saga of this royal fuck-up of a family taking the world possible path on every crossroads

Gundam: The Witch From Mercury (Season 2) - A horribly rushed but still good ending of the main couple's storyline (and Guel). I just wish it was a 39-episode anime with a movie

Skip and Loafer - Incredibly faithful adaptation that stays true to the original while improving upon the already excellent characters

Heavenly Delusion - This anime is just straight up a better delivery of the first four books of the manga

Overtake! - NYOOOOOM! Also, great character writing.

[steampunkforever]

John Wick Chapter 4 is only worth the watch if you’ve seen the other films in the franchise. John Wick is tired and so is Keanu, and frankly so are we. It’s a good thing that this is the last one, but if we’re being honest they should’ve merged the plotlines of John Wick 2 and 3 in order to make this feel like less of a slog.

That said, for all the instances where John Wick 4 stumbles (like an extended martial arts fight scene where every altercation serves to remind you that this was in fact written by stuntmen and their crew wants to show off) I’m too charmed by the one thing this movie gets right even when it gets a scene wrong: campiness.

*Writes “John Wick 4=camp?” Into notebook margin and is instantly subpoenaed to testify in front of Congress*

I’m not entirely joking here. There’s a blind assassin (played by Donnie Yen) named Caine. The movie makes him play cards and also engage in mid-range pistol duels hinging on accuracy. There’s an attack dog that has a vendetta against one goon in particular (this is a goon movie btw). There’s a flavor of ninja goon I can only describe as “tacticool samurai.” John Wick’s suit is bulletproof and allows him to take an improbably amount of bullets with just a flinch and a growl. There’s a bad cover of Paint It Black, done in French. It’s campy!

The villains here are where the camp truly shines. The third (and frankly also the second) chapters of the Wick saga we’re trying too hard to be cool, introducing villains and concepts that shot for “over the top” but fell into the realm of silly. Part of the reason that each Wick sequel required a higher percentage of NYC to strive to collect the price on his head. The threats needed to be memorable, and these weren’t that.

John Wick Chapter 4 fixes this. The principle rival (not counting various beard-and-tattoo-identifiable goons led by said rival) in this film is Caine, the blind guy they force to play cards (mean!) and who uses motion sensing doorbells to locate his enemies (memorable, clever, wacky!) obviously is both memorable and a bit silly, but there’s also a beefy German mob boss Wick has to axe-fight in the midst of a Berlin warehouse rave, and Bill Skarsgard doing a bad french accent and brooding over an artistic but geographically inaccurate not-to-scale diorama of Paris. At one point he breaks his cell phone in a fit of rage and makes a goon bring him a rotary phone replacement. 

Not to say that the film is goofy in its entirety. The Berlin warehouse scene is visually ambitious, and for as overdone as “John Wick killing people during a party” seems to be getting, it was still engaging and enjoyable. The best part of the movie for me was an extended top-down Hotline-Miami-Style shootout scene utilizing Genesis Arms Gen-12 shotguns and “dragonsbreath” pyrotechnic ammo that ranked as not only the best shootout of the film but one of the best sequences in the entire franchise.

John Wick 4 is not a masterpiece. It’s not even the particularly the best outcome in what we’d hoped for as the final installment in John Wick’s story. It’s a 3-hour mixed bag that you’ll only appreciate if you’ve seen the preceding three films, but no matter if you’ve watched it from the beginning or if this is your intro to the saga, you’ll be glad that it’s over when the credits roll.

[thebisweptualbisexual]

still thinking about the oscars and like, maybe I'm desensitized from being from the US and specifically Boston on the border of New Hampshire aka the Live Free or Die state that literally fought for the right to not make motorcyclists wear helmets, but as someone who has paid good money to see James Bond and John Wick and Charlize Theron movies in theaters and will absolutely be paying money to see John Wick 4 on the big screen, pirated Game of Thrones for multiple seasons until even that was too graphic for me, paid probably too much money to see multiple Bruins games in hopes that I'd maybe see a real fight, having seen literal blood drawn from a guy getting punched in the face at a sports event which led to a five minute time out penalty and they both get to keep playing, having watched fights at white people's goth punk concerts and participated in mosh pits and seeing people be like

There's a lot to be said about what happened but let's not pretend we think what happened "normalizes violence". Americans pay to see this shit in dramatic form, we pay in hopes to see this shit in real life, the NHL has literal slap-on-the-wrist rules around fights because the potential to see a fight actually brings in the money and they know it. We're in one of the most violent nations in the world and it feels like people are just mad now because it's easier to villainize a black guy who won an award than it is to come to terms with the fact we enjoy, embrace, and celebrate violence. We could be talking about things like "why do we socialize men to have violent reactions" or "why do we like jokes that punch down" and instead people are complaining that this "normalizes violence", shut the fuck up because people will be mad Will Smith bitch-slapped Chris Rock and turn around and laugh at Channing Tatum doing the same thing multiple times in Lost City. Let's fucking look at ourselves in the mirror and ask why we're okay with one but not the other and ask ourselves why we're cool with things like the entire Saw franchise or police departments that require less than a year's training to be qualified to carry a badge and gun. The whole thing's a mess but let's not pretend this is more "normalizing violence" than literally anything else we'll put on a screen and pay real money to see.

[overheardatthecontinental]

I uploaded another chapter because the first was so short!  Please comment and make me feel validated.

John had always thought relationships were hard. Two people having to communicate and find common ground and connection. It just didn't seem worth the effort, especially in his world.

But Helen made it easy.

They fell quickly into a relationship, complete with shared meals and hand holding and pillow talk.

He learned that before Helen had coffee, she could barely form a coherent sentence. That she lived in high heels but tripped walking barefoot. That she had a handful of dainty tattoos that included a small daisy on her ankle, a sun on the inside of her middle finger, and a coffee bean just below her ear.

He learned that spring was her favorite season but she adored fall almost as much.

When he offered to take her apple picking, she had thrown her arms around him and kissed him nearly senseless. She made apple fritters and crisp and muffins for the cafe and he was given the privilege of helping and tasting.

That even after she showered, she still smelled vaguely of coffee.

And she had a collection of old books that rivaled his own.

Sometimes he imagined what it would be like to build more shelves in his personal library and mix their collections together the way her dresses and sweaters now hung with his suits.

It was too soon to discuss such things, however. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her off.

Not when he had her in his life and, most nights, in his bed.

What was most surprising, however, was her utter contentment in not knowing what he did for a living.

As far as her friends and employees knew, John was an independent contractor. Helen knew there was more to it. Her employees joked around calling him thr super spy but… even though they didn't talk about it, he knew that she knew there was more to it. 

On more than one occasion, he had shown up to dinner or to a date with unexplained cuts or bruises. Helen had said nothing of it but she began carrying around a first aid kit and kept it stocked with butterfly bandages and gauze.

She would assess him then tend to him, and then hold him.

And he loved her, wholly and completely.

He loved the way she favored cheap wine and how she fell asleep watching cooking shows. He loved that she insisted everything she serve either be local or fair trade. He loved the way she lit up when he picked her up off the ground. More than anything, he loved to earn her smile.

Hence why he spent half the morning, after Helen left for work, individually picking daisies at the flower shop down the street before heading to the shop.

He walked in, searching for Helen, but not seeing her behind the counter. So consumed in looking for her, he almost didn't notice the man walking in behind him with a wide, shit-eating grin.

"Hiya, John. Nice flowers."

John blinks, “Aurelio. What are you doing here?”

“Always notice you’re carrying the to-go cups from here. Figured I’d give it a try since you favor the joint so much. Now I’m wondering if it’s the coffee that’s bringing you here.”

He isn’t quite sure what to say to that but he isn’t able to say much because that’s when Aurelio spots it. The special board.

“What the hell is the Wick? John, do you have a coffee named after you?” Aurelio doesn’t leave him time to answer, narrowing his eyes and reading off, “Latte with dark chocolate and raspberry? Raspberry, John?”

John opens his mouth to respond just as Eve calls out loudly.

“Coffee’s ready, Super Spy.”

And John wishes he had been ten minutes earlier or ten minutes later and that Aurelio was not witnessing this.

Instead, John skips the line and grabs his coffee as Aurelio calls, “Super spy?”

John shoots him a look as he takes his coffee.

Eve sees the flowers and makes a loud, “Awww. Boss lady is out back dealing with a shipment. Let me go grab her.”

“If she’s busy, I’ll just put them in her office.” John says quickly.

“Nonsense! You know she’d want to see you.” And Eve disappears behind the counter.

John makes his way to the side so Jamie can finish taking the orders of the short queue and Aurelio steps out of line to follow him.

“What the hell is this place?” Aurelio asks, “Super spy?”

“I will give you a hundred coins if you leave right now and never mention this again.”

“Not on your life.” Aurelio says, completely in awe. He pulls out his cell phone and quickly snaps a shot of John with coffee and flowers.

“What the hell?” John hisses.

“I need photographic evidence of what is happening right now.”

“You don’t need shit.”

“I need an explanation.” Aurelio fires back, “I never see you without a coffee cup from this place so I decide to give it a try and find you here with flowers and a drink named after you? John, please, I will give you six new cars if you tell me what’s going on?”

And John is saved from needing to say anything as the door to the kitchen opens and Helen comes out.

Her dress today is a pale pink with sleeves that extend just to her elbow. Hours ago, it had been hiked up over her hips as he took her in the hallway before she left for work. Her hair is, as usual, held up by a pencil in a loose bun.

“Hi baby.” She greets, coming around the counter. Helen reaches up and wraps an arm around his neck and stands on her tiptoes to give him a kiss.

John hands her the flowers which she takes with a beaming smile and plants a kiss on his cheek. 

“You spoil me.” She says as John wraps an arm around her back. He is aware of Aurelio and the expressions his old ally is making but he has no idea what to say.

“And make the rest of us look bad.” Jamie calls over from where he’s making espresso. “I swear, Helen, we should get hazard pay for having to watch the two of you make eyes at each other all day. It’s so sweet, I swear it could make me sick.”

“I’ll take them being mushy over the months and months of pining any day.” Eve adds, “that was so much worse.”

And Aurelio is never going to let him live this down.

As he thinks it, Aurelio steps forward and offers a hand to Helen, “Hi, I’m John’s old friend Aurelio.”

And John could kill him. He had a lot of respect for Aurelio. He liked the man. He trusted the man, as much as he trusted anyone. But Aurelio finding Deja Brew might have been the worst thing that has ever happened to him, John muses. That includes dozens of stab wounds, gun shots, homeless years, and every other shitty thing that he has gone through.

Helen, being Helen, smiles and takes his hand, unwrapping her right arm from around John to shake Aurelio’s hand and the removal of her touch is enough to make John want to stab the mechanic.

But he doesn’t and he keeps his grip on Helen as she reaches forward.

“Hi, Aurelio. I’m Helen.”

“An absolute pleasure to meet you, Helen.” He looks over at Jamie, “And I would love to hear more about these months and months of pining.”

Helen rolls her eyes, “It wasn’t that bad--”

“Wasn’t that bad?” Jamie says, leaning forward, “I swear to christ, man, John came in for months before they started talking and we had to deal with months of them just staring at each other over the counters. Making eyes every damn day while Mister Tall, dark roast, and handsome would just--”

“I’m sorry,” Aurelio is grinning like a mad man. “Tall, dark roast, and handsome?”

“It’s one of the few nicknames for John that boss lady hasn’t vetoed. Other forbidden options included sugarless daddy,...”

“Jamie.” Helen warns.

“Aaaand, she signs my checks so I’m going to stop. But the magical day came when Helen got held up at gunpoint and John finally made a move so now life is good.”

John wonders if it’s possible to erase Aurelio’s mind of the past hour. Doc probably had some good meds somewhere that could do the trick. Or a bad concussion. Maybe an entire bottle of bourbon…

Aurelio looks like he’s about to say something and John can’t risk him saying anything. Quickly, he jumps in, “Weren’t you going to order a coffee, Aurelio?”

“I was.” Aurelio nods with a smile, “I was thinking about trying the Wick.”

Or maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to kill Aurelio. Sure, it was hard to find an honest mechanic but he’d gladly overpay for maintenance the rest of his life so long as he didn’t have to deal with this.

“Eve,” Helen says, “Get Aurelio a Wick and an apple muffin.” She turns to Aurelio with a smile, “John and I made the muffins on Saturday.”

And 聁urelio is beaming, utterly delighted at the timage of John Wick baking.

“Did you wear an apron?” Aurelio asks John, who promptly responds:

“I will kill you.”

Helen taps him on the chest, “Be nice!”

And he can’t deny her anything, even if it means playing nice with his asshole of a friend. Even as his friend is pushing every ounce of patience that John has to its limit.

Helen looks up at John, “I need to go finish moving the boxes into the deep freeze, but I’ll be out in just a few minutes.”

“I can help.”

“No, go sit down with your friend. It shouldn’t be more than five minutes.”

She reaches up and gives him a soft kiss that, even a month later, has his head reeling. And she turns back to the back, carrying her bouquet of daisies. 

“Wow.” Aurelio says.

John turns and walks to his usual table in the back. He sits down, coffee in hand, and Aurelio follows, taking the seat across from him.

“So, that’s your girl? She’s sweet.”

“She is.” John agrees.

“Not what I pictured you going for.”

“Oh?”

Aurelio shakes his head, “I always pictured you for the femme fatale type.”

And John snorts. Because there is nothing to say to that. Bad girls had never been his thing. He had too much in common with them, too many of the same weaknesses. But then, good girls had never been his thing either. Because he was far too different from them.

Helen was as good as it got and she probably certainly fell towards the good girl end of the spectrum, but she was so much more than that. She was kind and sparing in her judgement. She was sweet but not weak. 

Not too long ago, a fight nearly broke out in her shop when two patrons had each claimed that the other pushed them in line. There was some shoving and John was ready to stand up and interfere when Helen had marched in, got between them, and smiled.

He had never seen anything like her kindness but all it took was a smile and they were apologizing to one another and the rest of the patrons.

“I take it I’m wrong?” Aurelio says at John’s reaction.

John says nothing, noting that Eve is making her way around the counter with a cup of coffee and a small plate with a muffin. He waits until she drops it off and says a quick thank you to her.

“No problem, super spy.”

“Yes.” John says when Eve is back behind the counter, “You’re wrong.”

Aurelio nods, carefully, a smile on his face as he does so, “I gotta say, her staff are killing me with these nicknames. Sugarless Daddy? Super spy?”

“The latter came from the day Jamie referred to. It was just before closing and Helen and I were alone in the shop. Someone came in, with a gun, to rob her and I… interfered.”

“Meaning he’s six-feet-under?”

“He is now.”

Because, no, John hadn’t been willing to kill in front of Helen. She didn’t need to see that or experience that side of him. But he was going to be damned to let that man walk around after he made bail.

John had followed him home and used the man’s own gun to shoot him. The gun he had threatened Helen with after it was conveniently misfiled by Jimmy.

Of course, Helen did not know. Nor did he have any intention of telling her.

Aurelio nods and takes a bite of his apple muffin, “Damn, man! You made this?”

John shrugs, “I helped.”

Meaning he did exactly what Helen told him to do as they slowly turned his kitchen into Armageddon. He had been in war zones less chaotic then a kitchen when Helen was baking. 

He also found out that flour was not as easy to remove from hair as he had thought.

And that… he loved that about her. He loved that she was dominating in the kitchen and that, when he got in her way, she used her ingredients as projectiles.

He loved that she spiked her coffee with irish cream and her apple cider with bourbon on days when she didn’t work.

He loved that he now had six kinds of coffee in his kitchen and Helen would randomly spit out facts about their origin or the process used to roast the beans.

He loved that she made him taste everything, while looking at him to gauge for any and every reaction.

And he couldn’t lose any of it.

Not the slowly growing pile of heels in his bedroom or the vast amounts of sugar that now resided in his kitchen cabinets. 

Not Helen falling asleep on him watching ridiculous cooking shows or waking up with her completely tangled around him.

“You can’t tell anyone about her, Aurelio, I’m serious. I want to keep Helen as far away from that world as I can.”

“From our world, you mean? You live in that world, John. How do you expect to keep her away from it?”

“I exist in the underworld when I’m there. And when I’m not, I’m here.”

“You can’t walk in two worlds, John.”

He can’t leave the underworld but he would die before he left Helen.

“I don’t have much of a choice.” John says quietly. “I’m not letting her go. And I have to keep her safe, which means that you can’t go telling anyone about this. About her.”

Aurelio shifts uncomfortably. “It might be a little late for that.”

“Meaning what?”

“Meaning I already sent Marcus a picture of the drink board special and of you holding daisies, John.”

Of course he had. 

That meant that Aurelio knew about Helen and Marcus would soon guess that John had a woman. That John Wick, a man often compared to a priest for his lengths of celibacy, had fallen hard for a woman beyond his reach.

Helen emerges from the back at that moment and walks to the back. There are no extra chairs but Helen simply chose to perch herself on John’s lap, leaning against the back wall. She wraps an arm around his shoulders and gives him a gentle kiss on his cheek.

“All good?” John asks and she nods, her fingers rubbing his neck gently.

John relaxes under her touch and inhales the scent of sweet coffee.

And just like that, he is home.

[intro2filmbitterrootcollege]

The Most Affecting Films of This Past “Year”

While gazing into the abyss of 2020, I don’t know if that hellmouth gazed back into me as Nietzsche envisioned it, because, like many, I fought this year’s monster in my sweats and talking to the walls while I scraped the barrel of Netflix for SOMETHING NEW to watch. 

But I damn sure threw out any organizing rules for what qualifies as a “film.” 

When called a “limited series,” long-form storytelling becomes cinema. And there shall be no argument. Thanks to The Queen’s Gambit and company, a number of these “films” by any-other-name delivered and found their way here. 

Plus, it’s now a good stretch into 2021 and the very-arbitrary rules of our Time Before the Coronapocene are being met with a weary “Fuck it.”

Then there’s the possibility, as you discover when screening Arrival, that time doesn’t work the way we think it does...

“People like us who believe in physics know that the distinction between past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.”

- Albert Einstein

HONORABLE MENTIONS 

The Explicitly Genre, the Dark-Hearted, & the B Movies

The Other Ones

Doctor Sleep Director’s Cut*

(*released in 2020)

The Godfather Coda: The Death of Michael Corleone*

(*yes, this was technically released 30 years ago but Coppola’s new cut works like a new film)

IT GOES TO ELEVEN

11.  Let Him Go

Give me Costner and Lane in a neo-western all day. This is best viewed without knowing anything prior and far more somber than expected.

Loved the gender role-reversal as Lane dons the ten-gallon attitude typically worn by a male character.

10.  Promising Young Woman

Sadly spot-on in its enraged message. Dark, dark, dark, dark, dark comedy(?).

And not for everyone. 

But if you’re game, then this furious blast of filmmaking will be appreciated. Notice the foreshadowed symbolism spattered in neon and pink throughout (Saint Cassandra?) and the ending works. Mulligan being transcendent as always here.

9. Porno

Mileage will vary depending on one’s tolerance for/appreciation of severed male genitalia jokes. Being 14 years old at heart, I laughed myself hoarse.

A throwback with intelligent subtext about fundamentalist religious norms of repression and the dangers of a sex-negative culture.

8.  Taylor Swift - Folklore: The Long Pond Studio Sessions

The album = classic already. 

The documentary = downright magical.

7.  Bad Boys For Life

As an old guy who also has some gray in the beard, I love how far they lean confidently into the old guy-ness. Been riding with these bad boys for 25 years now.

Just take my money already for the next installment.

6.  The Queen’s Gambit 

Cinema-as-a-novel. Sports movie as character study. Evidence that when you give a writer movie-budget money and trust their vision, you can get a hit. And a last episode that brings ALL THE JOY!

Bravo, Netflix.

5.   The Outsider* 

(*cancelled after one season so I’m calling it a “limited-series” and thus a film)

Just the weird and dark adaptation of King that fits with HBO and excises what I assume to be elements that work better on the page. 

Its tone haunts and elliptical editing rewards patience, and Cynthia Erivo should be in everything.

4.   Extraction

As subtle as having a lead character named Tyler Rake kill a dude with a rake -- which definitely happens here. On paper, its armature of a suicidal gunslinger with a weary soul seeking redemption in John Wick’s stylistic shadow shouldn’t work.

But grit and kinetic craft and heart tugging father and son parallels and an impressive look at what constitutes masculine “courage” and what masquerades as it under the guise of violence give zero shits about “shouldn’t.”

3. Tenet   

“Don’t try to understand it. Feel it.”

“.ti leeF .ti dnatsrednu ot yrt t’noD”

A friendship love story at its core that’s going to live as an artifact and defy time, which is appropriate.

Branagh cooks the world’s largest ham and does so brilliantly.

So fun if you don’t try to play chess with Nolan (you’ll lose) and simply let it rip into the space-time continuum.

2.  Devs

It took three episodes (read: chapters) for this to wrap me in its embrace but, holy multiverse, did it ever. A noodle baker of the highest craft, Alex Garland shows again that whatever he touches is going to be a favorite. 

There’s multiple references to great poetry, a diverse cast reflective of humanity, and that many worlds theory to invite many more viewings.

1.  Portrait of a Lady on Fire

Gobsmacked, I kept telling myself there’s no way the next scene or sequence could top the previous...

Then the bonfire singing happened...

Then an Orpheus and Eurydice allusion reversal...

Then the opera scene and me having an out of body experience for almost five hours after the credits slid up the screen. 

Céline Sciamma’s film is the equivalent of Michael Jordan in an 80’s dunk contest: despite an abundance of competing talent, it can’t even be called a “contest.” 

Art shouldn’t be ranked anyway, but Sciamma and everyone involved are all, like…

[inheritorofmemories-archive]

Twitter is not a good place and I have opinions.

Okay so, just visited Twitter to see how they like The Old Guard and please remind to never go there for anything more than artist’s posts and memes.

(This is more of a rant than a cohesive explanation of my thoughts but I won’t lose my time on Twitter for that and I still need to talk about it, so we’re here. Okay, here goes-)

Of course spoiler warning for the whole movie.

"it's bad, it's not creative, it's boring, there's no story apart from bad guys pharma and good guys mercenaries."

Did we watch the same movie?? It's like those Mad Max Fury Road reviews who kept saying "they leave and come back, no plot har har I’m very funny" when the whole point of the movie is about staying where you live and make this place better, not abandoning it because you risk abandoning your true self with the land (amongst other things the movies tries to say).

Yeah maybe the story is a bit seen, pharma and all. But the whole plot revolve around the Old Guards and their emotions. It's about a tired warrior finding hope, and a young immortal finding her place, and how to deal with loss and grief and solitude, it's about finding purpose in helping other because that's what human do, help each other. It's a lot more than fight scenes and bad pharma (which, maybe it's an old trope but it's still very true to this day, please keep portraying pharma CEO as comically bad because they are!)

It's like men can't understand a story unless there's lots of death and unnecessary trauma. Can't you enjoy a story about found family and hope and kindness for one another like everyone else?

Here are the critics I saw, and why I think it’s bullshit, point by point because I’m petty like that:

The characters are flat and two dimensional: I mean, no? Sure, Joe and Nicky are not the center of attention, and we see Booker tired and a traitor, and the human ones are bit glossed over (though we see enough to understand them, Copley and his wife, the scientist that thinks she’s helping humanity, etc.), but Andy and Nile are fully developed? What else do you need?

Andy is a very old, very tired immortal that has a very complicated past (that we see a lot of) and her motivations, state of mind and thoughts are well explained (they all say she’s old, and tired, we know about Quynh; hell, Andy’s first line is about that) and we know she lost purpose, and she finds it within the film! She changes! Her character evolves in interactions to other but mostly Nile. Speaking of her- i know I’m repeating myself but what else do you need to consider a character not flat? She loves her family but doesn’t run to them because she’s not an idiot. She’s a fighter, a marine, a very competent one at that, but she still gets scared by being an immortal, she asks questions, she’s compassionate, she feels! All while being a bad ass fighter. She has agency, makes her own choices and choose her way, she has motivation and she know what she brings to the team and is not afraid of saying her thoughts and needs.

And even Booker and Nicky and Joe have full character, even if shown less. We have Booker’s back story, and we know he cares a lot despite all his hurt (he says he did it to help Andy die, which was still wrong and selfish, but he was genuinely trying to do something because he hurt so much). Nicky and Joe have a softer side, and sure it’s mostly conveyed through their own love story but they hug the other Guards and Nicky brings food for Andy and Joe jokes around (still thinking about that “faster than the elevator” line). Yeah it’s not a deep character study but it’s more than about half action movies today, and it’s enough in the story to make me care about all of them, even Copley. Although a lot of that may come form the actors too.

The fights scenes are bad: apparently they’re boring and do not do justice to the comics. I can’t speak for the last one, but boring? Again, did we watch the same movie? Yeah, there’s no big explosions and fire everywhere and collapsing buildings, but they’re not boring. I’m sorry my tastes are superior but I’d rather be shown the talents of a covert team of immortal warriors though discretion and efficiency. Why would they need explosions when they can juggle swords, axes, rifles and guns so smoothly you don’t even see a shift in their stance? See first fight in South Sudan. Why would I need collapsing buildings when I can have a team of fighters swapping weapons together like nothing? That scene at Merricks’s building where they all reload and change guns and the camera turns around and panel over all of them? That was dope and a very creative way to show how smooth they work together (with Nile added! So way to go to show the new group dynamics.) through a smooth and continuous camera movement. I could go on, but where did you see the boring fight scene. Yes there’s no cool lights and tricks a la John Wick, but if it did they would have complained it was a rip off, so...

The cinematography is bad: Just because it’s more understated doesn’t mean it’s bad. Yes, there’s no neon lights or cool shots like other might have (looking at you John Wick, since everyone seems to compare the two movie) but it serves the story. It’s because it’s so simple visually that you can get into the feelings and story. You don’t look at the light, you look at the actions and the faces. And honestly, I think it suits the Guards better. They look timeless, they fit in everywhere. A photography that’s striped down to the necessary only serves the story. I don’t see them in safe houses with a bunch of lights and modern furniture, just like I don’t see expensive shots and over the top choreography for them. As I said, they’re a covert team, they’re smooth and efficient, I like that the photography align on that and show them in simple shots.

tl;dr: Just because it’s simple doesn't mean it’s bad, sometimes that's what you need to work with the story and its characters and themes.

Not enough story and too much nothing to fill in: I mean, they die 12 minutes in, you get all the stakes, antagonist and themes in like 20 minutes, what else do you need? There’s break in the actions to expose plot and concept, but it never feels wrong or too much of a info dump, it’s fluid and natural because we’re following Nile into the immortal world.

Bad Pharma is Bad: Yeah, let’s talk about that. (Cautions, purely opinions, no real arguments to change someone’s mind here) I don’t care if it’s cliché, not when pharma in the US keep rising the price of Insulin every month, not when pharma all over the world send their faulty medicine to third world country because there’s no one that cares enough there, not when you know they purposefully don’t finance HIV researches because triple therapy gets them a lot of money, not when you hear about the experimentation and how they get their resources and literally everything that I’m not getting into right now. Who cares if they’re show as bad people once again, they are! You think CEO care about anything but money? If it feels wrong in the movie it’s because it is wrong.

Tell me no one in our world would kidnap and torture immortals to find their power. And don’t talk to me about bad representation of CEO and exceptions, I don’t care. One exception doesn’t make all the other suddenly better or worth the wrong they’re doing. So yeah, give me more cliché good guys fight bad CEO, I love it.

They did not use their concept enough: Again, where? To me, they did all they could with that concept, you get all the things you can only get with the concept, interesting and fun one. They are still afraid of dying one day, and even if they’re not (i.e. Andy or Booker) their brand of immortality doesn’t mean they’re not afraid of being captured: the Quynh scene happens literally just before Nicky and Joe are kidnapped exposing us the stake of being immortal, talk about good script work, right? Talking about fun trope: you have the millennium old couple that use to kill each other but now love each other, the classic ennemies to lovers we all love, you have the strategy of using your immortality to your advantage and destabilize your opponent: Nile walking into Merrick’s building and getting herself killed on purpose only to stand again and use the guard’s shock and lack of preparation against them, you have the fun references to real historical figures that comes with immortality: Rodin, Napoleon, etc...

I’ll link to this video I found that talks about this better than me, but basically, they did use their concept, a lot, and well.

The music: I can’t really say anything about that one. Maybe you don’t like the style they used, and that’s fair. To each their own. But it wasn’t too much like other Netflix’s movie (Looking at you 6 Underground. Four (4) song of the same artist in one movie?) but again, it’s Netflix, they use modern songs in their soudtracks, you should expect it. I didn’t bother with the lyrics accuracy to the actions, but each time the music fit well in tune and mood of the scene. And the actual score made for the movie was really good, not too much but still supported the actions and dialogues on screen like it should.

And my favorite yet, we’ve already seen it. I don’t have any smart answer to that apart from I’m sorry you’re a cishet, but found family is the superior trope and I hope you can one day see it too. Who cares if we’ve already seen it, it’s a different flavor! It’s no X-Men flavor, it’s Old Guard flavor and I love it. Have you heard of the Hero’s Journey? How Lord of the Ring, Star Wars and Harry Potter all have the basic same plot? And yet you can like all three of them for different reasons? Because they’re not the same flavors? Well, apply that to the immortal group of fighters and enjoy it.

Okay, that’s most of my thoughts on the film for now, but to make it short: it’s good and those people can’t appreciate good things that are more feelings and humanity than fist fights and nihilism. How dare a movie say we’re good and need each other and not end in a pathetic discovery that all the word deserves to burn.

[ladyreapermc]

Fic: This isn’t a rom-com 6/?

Wordcount: 3156

Warnings: lots of fluff! someone is still oblivious, the other not so much.

Previous Chapters:

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5

It might be a cliché, but Keanu hadn’t felt like this over a person in years. He cared about everyone he ever dated of course. However, thinking about them constantly, wondering what they were doing, feeling this urge to see them and talk to them every day? That didn’t happen all that often anymore and it was both wonderful and terrifying.

And it was so stupid because he and Lilah weren’t even dating. They were friends. Just friends. And Keanu was ok with that. As a matter of fact, it was probably for the best that they were just friends.

For one, Keanu would have to go back to Los Angeles when John Wick’s principal photography ended in a couple of months. New York was Lilah’s home. Besides, no matter how much he enjoyed her company, the age difference between the two of them would give the press a field day.

So it would probably be for the best if he took a step back from this, avoid getting even more involved. Except Keanu didn’t seem to have full control of his own mouth anymore whenever he was around Lilah, because he always ended finding ways to see her again. Now here he was, after shooting fight scenes all night and a considerable part of the day, getting ready to go meet her.

Keanu was exhausted, sore and stiff from exertion and he knew that Lilah wouldn’t really mind if he scheduled, but Keanu couldn’t bring himself to do it. It was almost as if he was addicted to her and couldn’t go long periods of time without seeing or speaking to her, especially not now that they were talking on the phone every day.

Most of the time, it wasn’t even anything important. Just silly stories of their routine or comments on Scanner Darkly. But whenever his phone beeped with a new message his heart did a flip on his chest and Keanu hurried to pick up and call back.

Keanu popped two painkillers as he changed into a clean pair of jeans and a t-shirt, startling a little when his phone rang. Once again, his heart sped up, but it wasn’t Lilah. It was his sister Kim.

“Hey, I’m heading out. Can I call you tomorrow?” he asked as he put on his coat.

“Sure. Where are you going?” Kim asked, tone curious.

“Just meeting a friend,” he replied after a moment of hesitation.

Keanu had very deliberately kept this entire thing with Lilah from his family and the rest of his friends with the exception of Chad. They were always ended getting way too excited whenever he was dating again. Not that he was dating Lilah. But still…

“What was that?” she asked, and he could almost hear her smirk. “That pause? Who are you meeting?”

“You don’t know them.” Keanu tried to be as vague as possible, but it was Kim and she knew him way too well.

“Are you going on a date? I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”

“It’s not a date. We’re just friends and I really gotta go,” Keanu said, walking towards his bike.

“Ok, but I wanna hear all about it when you get back,” Kim declared, voice giddy. “I don’t care how late it is. Call me!”

She didn’t wait for his reply, just hung up before he could tell her no and Keanu sighed, slipping his phone on his pocket. He knew there was no escaping now. Kim would prod until he told her everything. Maybe that could be a good thing. He needed a second opinion about this entire thing. But that was something to think about at another moment.

Right now, he was standing outside her door, heart pounding on his chest as he knocked. A moment later, Lilah pulled it open, flashing him a wide smile, as she talked on the phone in a different language.

She stepped aside so he could walk in and silently asked for a second before she disappeared inside her bedroom. Keanu closed the door behind himself, took off his shoes and hung his coat, before settling on the couch, rolling his shoulders to try to loosen the muscles, grimacing at the sharp pain that shot through his back. Maybe he might be getting too old for this kind of work schedule.

“Are you ok?” her voice startled him, making his eyes snap open and he didn’t even realize he had closed them. “You look dead on your feet.”

“Gee, thanks,” he shot back with a mock glare and Lilah chuckled as she joined him on the couch.

“That’s not what I mean. You look good, of course. You always look good…” she trailed off with an embarrassed wince and Keanu grinned. He loved when she did that.

“Likewise,” Keanu said, sneaking a quick once over.

She had on an oversized sweater and a pair of denim shorts, her hair pulled up in a messy bun on top of her head, exposing her long neck. Lilah flashed him a smile, a hint of color tinting her cheeks.

“Thanks. I just meant that you look tired.”

“It was a long day, but I’m fine.”

“You’re sure?” she asked, catching her bottom lip between her teeth and Keanu couldn’t help but watch her mouth. “I understand if you wanna head home…”

“I really am fine, Lilah,” Keanu assured taking her hand, squeezing lightly.

She still hesitated, watching him with narrowed eyes and Keanu could see the hint of worry in her frown. It made him smile. Even if he was exhausted, there was nowhere he would rather be right now.

“So, what are we watching tonight?”

“Right, so…” Lilah started with a sheepish expression. “I totally understand if you don’t wanna watch this one. I should’ve checked before I invited you.”

“Why wouldn’t I…” Keanu trailed off when she showed him the cover. “This is for your research, you say?”

“Yeah, I'm reviewing 25 rom coms with biggest box office in the last twenty years to analyze what kind of behavioral rules they establish for women. Something's Gotta Give is number 18 in my list.”

Keanu wasn’t really surprised that her research involved movies, Lilah seemed to love everything that had anything to do with storytelling.

He took a moment to consider since he didn’t rewatch his movies all that often. If they were on, depending on what it was, Keanu might stop and watch it, take a trip on memory lane. This wasn’t the case and he felt a little self-conscious to do with Lilah, but he still hadn’t really learned how to say no to her.

“Then I don’t mind watching it. Can’t get in the way of science, after all,” Keanu replied and Lilah grinned wide, jumping to her feet to set it up. He took a moment to examine the DVD case, noticing the absence of a rental logo. It made him smirk. “I thought you hated rom-coms?”

“I do,” Lilah replied distractedly.

“So this belongs to one of your friends?” he asked with an arched eyebrow. Lilah flushed bright red as she sat next to him again, taking back the DVD case.

“No. It’s, uh, mine,” she confessed in a low voice, avoiding his gaze. “I might own a few of your movies. Is that weird?”

“That you like my movies? No, it’s fine… I mean, unless you have posters of me and other shit in your bedroom. Then I might have to leave…” he joked with a goofy grin, making like he was about to stand up and Lilah pulled him back, chuckling.

“No posters. I promise.”

Keanu chuckled too, enjoying the way she kept her arm hooked around his even after he sat back next to her. She started the movie, shifting a little, searching for a comfortable position. After about a minute of that, he gave her a pointed look.

“Sorry, I’m just used to stretching my legs over the couch.”

“Go ahead, I don’t mind,” he replied with a shrug and after a minute of hesitation, Lilah leaned back on the couch’s arm, resting her legs over his.

And maybe Keanu should’ve thought this through because now he had her bare calves over his thighs, her skin looking silky soft and tempting him into running his fingers up her knees and thighs and into her shorts…

He cleared his throat and looked back at the screen, feeling too warm, his jeans a little tighter than before. He prayed that Lilah hadn’t noticed it and fought to keep his focus on the movie. but his gaze kept traveling back to Lilah, watching as she chewed on her pen, eyes on the screen with a cute little frown of concentration. Every once in awhile, she would press pause, to make a notation.

It was only because Keanu was watching her instead of the movie that he noticed the shift on her expression, her knitted brow relaxing and her expression changing into a wide smile. When he glanced back at the movie, he saw a twelve years younger version of himself on the screen.

“Ok, how come you haven’t aged a day?” Lilah asked with a teasing grin. “I mean, with the exception of growing a beard, you look exactly the same.”

“Trust me, I don’t,” Keanu replied with an uncomfortable snort. His aching muscles told him exactly how things had changed.

“It makes you wonder…” Lilah continued as she sat up, pulling her legs away from his lap. “If the internet might be right.”

“About?” Keanu asked with an arched eyebrow.

“You being immortal.”

There was a mischievous glint in her eyes and there was the only reason Keanu wasn’t annoyed about it. He really hated all the comments of how young he looked for his age as if it was some kind of special merit.

“So, how’s the movie so far?” Keanu asked as a way of shifting the conversation.

“Well, it technically passes the Bechdel's test, which is a good start,” Lilah explained. “The protagonist is over forty, with a stablished career that she doesn’t give up on at the end, also good. And the age gap between the main couple isn’t too big,”

“What would be a too big age gap?” Keanu asked, feeling a knot in his throat.

“Anything over 10 years would already be a bit problematic,” Lilah replied, glancing over her shoulder. “I made hot chocolate. Want some?”

“Yeah.” He had to force his voice to work, his mind flashing to the fact that he was 20 years older than Lilah.

“Why?” Keanu asked because apparently, he was a masochist.

“Why is it problematic?” Lilah questioned, returning to the couch and offering him a mug. “Well, for one it tells women that they only attractive and desirable while young.”

“Not all relationships are about looks” He knew he should stop and keep his mouth shut but he couldn’t help himself.

“You still have a guy that’s already stable on his job, probably have been through a previous marriage, against a woman who’s figuring herself out, probably really insecure… There’s just a bigger chance for power imbalance in the relationship…”

“So, you’re saying an older man’s gonna try to control a younger woman? Every time? Isn’t that a little dark? Jaded?” Keanu asked with a frown. If she really thought that then it was no wonder she couldn’t see him as anything more than a friend.

“I’m not saying he would do it on purpose,” she said, maybe picking something on his expression because she was frowning too. “But yeah… Bigger chance of him being paternalist too.” Lilah paused for a moment, chewing on her lip. “Can we just go back to the movie, please?”

Keanu just nodded, turning his focus to the screen but the uncomfortable tension lingered as they avoided looking at each other and any point of physical contact that existed only moments ago was gone.

“The fact that the male protagonist is a womanizer that needs to be reformed is pretty bad,” Lilah said breaking the awkward silence.

Keanu looked her way, catching her hesitant but sort of hopeful look. It almost as if she was silently asking him if they could move on from this.

“Why is that?” He relented with a sigh.

“Because it suggests women are required to fix their significant others in the name of love. That not only sends a terrible message, but it’s also lazy writing!”

Her voice went a little squeaky with her irritation and despite the turmoil of thoughts going through his head, he couldn’t help but smile at that. It was cute.

“Also, if you’re trying to convince me they fell in love for each other after a weekend, give me something better than damn pancakes and beach stones!” Lilah rolled her eyes with a snort of derision.

“You know, you’d probably make a great screenwriter,” Keanu commented.

“Thanks,” she replied, ducking her head to hide her shy smile. “I thought about it when I was seventeen. Going to film school, I mean.”

“Why didn’t you?” he asked turning to face Lilah with a curious look. Keanu was always interested in learning a little more about her.

“Because I needed something that could actually pay the bills,” Lilah declared with the kind of certainty that only came from a rehearsed speech. Those were words she repeated quite often even if she didn’t really believe them. “Just something my dad used to say.”

“It pays my bills just fine,” Keanu pointed out and Lilah snorted.

“That’s because you’re very good.”

There was a different kind of certainty in her tone this time. It was almost matter-of-factly. Almost as if to her, that statement was as obvious as something like the sky was blue.

“A lot of people wouldn’t agree with you.”

“Because they’re morons!” Lilah declared with an eye-roll. “I mean, you can go from airhead with heart of gold like Ted, to emotionally stunted jerk like Constantine to complete sweetheart like Julian. That’s a lot of range, ok? And sure, you’ve made some sketchy choices throughout the years with some weird indie movies that I couldn’t bring myself to watch, but overall your movies are awesome, you’re very talented and anyone who says otherwise deserves to be punched in the face.”  

For a moment, Keanu didn’t know what to say or do. He knew despite the bad reviews he received, a lot of people enjoyed his work. But he never had the chance of hearing such passionate speech about himself. It was humbling and heartwarming and he could feel himself blushing with a mix of pleasure and embarrassment.

Not to mention he caught that same glint of excitement in Lilah’s eyes, the one that always appeared whenever she talked about something she loved.  

“Sorry. Too much?” she asked.

“No… it’s…” he stuttered, glancing at her with a hesitant smile. “Thank you.”

“I mean every word. Even before you were my friend,” she said, bumping her shoulder against his and Keanu sighed, trying not to let his disappointment show. There it was again. that damn word. “And anyway, I like psychology just fine. Film school was just a stupid teenage dream.”

“Doesn’t have to be,” he said because Lilah was like an open book sometimes. He could see right through her attempt of a brave face.

“It’s too late, Keanu. I’m not gonna throw away ten years of work for some pipe dream,” Lilah declared with a sigh, avoiding his gaze.

“Is that another thing you father says?” The words escaped his lips before Keanu could contain them and Lilah’s expression quickly shifted into a scowl of irritation.

“You don’t know anything about my father or my family, ok? You don’t get to talk about them.” She grabbed the remote and turned off the TV. “Maybe you should go.”

“Lilah…” Keanu started, wanting to kick himself. “I’m sorry.”

“Whatever,” she breathed out, sounding a little like a petulant child.

“Please look at me,” he asked and after a moment, Lilah reluctantly shifted her gaze to him. Keanu took her hand in his. “That was a shitty thing to say. I had no right. I’m sorry.”

“I know…” she sighed, shoulders dropping, turning her hand up so she could entwine their fingers together. “It’s just a touchy subject.”

“I really am sorry,” he repeated because the thought of Lilah being upset with him made something in his chest hurt.

“I know. You’re forgiven.” Lilah flashed him a small smile.

Keanu nodded, relief washing over him and in an impulse, he brought her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles and her smile grew, her fingers coming to his cheek, caressing his jaw and he sighed in pleasure, leaning against her touch and all he wanted was to kiss her.

“I should go…” he whispered and Lilah grimaced.

“I didn’t really mean that… we can finish the movie.” she urged,

And Keanu wanted to say yes and stay with her for as long as Lilah wanted him, but he couldn’t. Not when he could feel the words on the tip of his tongue. The longer he stayed, the harder would it be to keep them at bay. The second they were out Keanu knew it would ruin everything. And he was already too far in love with her to handle not having her in his life. Even if only as a friend.

“I guess I’m a lot more tired than I first thought.” He smiled at the way she pouted at him. “But we can do something this weekend, how about that?”

“Yeah, ok.” Lilah grinned and strangely this time it made his heart settle in his chest instead of speeding up. Almost as if making her happy relaxed him.

Lilah walked him to the door and waited as Keanu put on his coat and shoes. As he bent down to kiss her goodnight, Lilah got up on her tiptoes to do the same and they ended up bumping noses and giggling.

Keanu held her chin and met her gaze for a moment, before he brushed his lips against her cheek, way too close to the corner of her mouth.

“Bye, Lilah,” Keanu said almost reluctantly before walking away from her.

When Keanu arrived at home, he knew he should head to bed. He had been awake for over sixteen hours and needed to be on set 6:30, but instead, he took his laptop and did a quick search on screenwriting programs.

He found a master's program that seemed very good at the New York Film Academy. They were still taking applications for the first term of 2014 on both campuses: New York and Los Angeles.

He texted Lilah the link with a quick message, before lying back on his bed. And if Keanu tried hard enough, he could pretend he didn’t send that one with a secret hope that Lilah would choose the LA campus.

(tbc)

go to part 7

Permanent Taglist (give me a shout if you want to added or removed)

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[agentnico]

Top 10 Best Movies of 2019

Disclaimer: I have not seen the films 1917 and Bombshell upon releasing this list, so they have missed out on this list due to that factor. Otherwise, there’s a chance both of them would have been on here.

It’s that time of year again when I decide what were some of the greatest films that graced us on the big screen (or small screen in light of Netflix’s ever-growing presence). 2019 was not a bad year for movies, though it’s interesting to note that the highest score I gave to a film this year is an 8/10, not higher. Maybe that’s a detriment to 2019′s film quality, or more so to me becoming more stricter with my opinion. The latter is more likely to be honest since I had problems with Detective Pikachu. I know, how dare I judge that little cute yellow furry Deadpool-sounding Pokemon! Though I am proud to note that this is the most international Top 10 list I’ve ever done, managing to sneak in film picks that weren’t just made in Britain or America. I really branched out this year. Does that make me a professional critic? Probably not, but in feeling I am, and that is what counts. Anyway, without much further ado, here are my favourite films in 2019...

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Glass

Joker

One Cut of the Dead

The Lighthouse

Zombieland: Double Tap

Burning

Always Be My Maybe

The Peanut Butter Falcon

10) JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 3 - PARABELLUM - 2019 was arguably the year of Keanu Reeves. From his self parodying roles in Toy Story 4 and Always Be My Maybe (easily the best cameo of the year) to announcements of his participation in the upcoming video game Cyberpunk 2077 as well as returning for a third Bill & Ted film, and of course, there’s John Wick 3, a non-stop action romp that gives the Raid movies and Mad Max: Fury Road a run for their money. The weak ending does cause the film to fall short from perfection, but it still makes my Top 10, and deservedly so.

9) AVENGERS: ENDGAME - I hated Infinity War. I said it once and I’ll say it again. So it was much to my dismay that I really enjoyed Endgame. It’s a culmination and celebration of the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe, and though I may have problems with the franchise as a whole, I do respect them for how far they have managed to come.

8) KLAUS - Netflix’s first animated movie is an absolute delight. A callback to a time when films were much simpler, with a truly good message, beautiful animation that blends 3D computer animation with old-school 2D animation and some great humour. A very sincere and well-paced production with an engaging story (for the whole family!) that doesn’t rely upon ironic jokes to tie in the adults, or on the integration of modern technology to hold the kids’ interest (like so many modern animated features do). It just tells a story. Klaus is destined to become a Christmas classic.

7) DEERSKIN - Leave it to the French to provide us with one of the weirdest motion pictures on this list. A tale of a man’s obsession with his coat (a good looking coat no less!) that leads him to some hilariously dark places. In style and theme Deerskin reminds me of another film I really love, The Voices starring Ryan Reynolds, in that it is strange, horrifying, awkwardly funny and overall weird. You’ll either love it or hate it, but Deerskin is certainly worth seeking out.

6) UNION OF SALVATION - Having been displeased with modern Russian cinema as of late, Union of Salvation surprised me to a major extent. A large scale historical study that describes some of the more difficult pages of the history of the Russian Empire. The revolt of the Decembrists in 1825 had to show the emperor that the old rules and laws were no longer able to restrain the empire from collapse, and although the rebellion was suppressed, it became a special precedent that brought the country under global historical changes. Crisply filmed, and directed in a way that leaves it to the audience to interpret who was right and who was wrong, this is a historical epic that leaves an impact.

5) KNIVES OUT - “I suspect foul play.” I will forever be grateful to Knives Out for gifting us Daniel Craig with a Southern accent, something I never thought I wanted but now that we have it, I would not want it any other way. Director Rian Johnson has crafted a truly original whodunnit, that mixes classic elements of the murder mystery genre whilst adding an interesting modern spin to it. Also, talk about a star-studded cast (with a stand out performance from Ana de Armas)! I hear a sequel is already in the works, and I say bring it on!

4) ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD - Quentin Tarantino’s love letter to old school Hollywood is a visual and narrative feast, pairing Hollywood legends Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt as they traverse the colorful streets of Los Angeles in 1969. Tarantino was already one of my favourite film directors, and here he fully displays why he’s a true artist of his genre (that’s right, the man has his own genre!). I might disagree with the movie’s ending, but the rest of the film is such a fascinating experience and easily one of the most memorable films to come out of 2019.

3) MARRIAGE STORY - Such a depressing movie. Yet such a great depressing movie. Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson give career-best performances as a couple going through a divorce, and the way the movie is grounded in realism makes the whole thing a painful experience to go through, however one worth taking. Marriage Story is depressing, yes, but also truly incredible.

2) PAIN AND GLORY - The French give us the weirdest film of the year and leave it to the Spanish to give us the most personal one. Director Pedro Almodovar semi-autobiographical film takes a close look at how one deals with acceptance, being forgotten, symptoms of depression and generally all fairly negative attributes, but delivered in such an honest and profound way that there is a strange lightness that emerges from it all. Antonio Banderas is uncannily vulnerable in the lead role, delivering such an earnest performance that shows a man that is filled with melancholic regret who seeks his own form of redemption.

1) PARASITE - The winner of the Palme d’Or (the main prize at the 2019 Cannes Film Festival) is also the winner amongst my favourite films of the year, not that those two are comparable. In any case, Parasite is easily the most original and surprising piece of film-making that I discovered this year, managing to subvert expectations and blend together so many different genres so naturally. To spoil any narrative element of this movie would be a sin, like this one in particular works best when not knowing anything about it. That’s how I watched it, and now it’s my number 1 film of 2019. 

And now also for my No 1 WORST film of the year, which goes to...

WORST FILM OF 2019 - CATS. Obviously. What else did you think I was going to say? When I saw it I thought it was poop, and to this moment all I see is poop. Cats is poop. The end.

[allie1804-fan]

Ile de Re (Chapter 6)

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Claire woke first the next morning. They’d stopped spooning at some point during the night and Keanu was lying on his back with one arm up on the pillow near his face. He looked angelic and so much younger than his 55 years. 

Claire thought back to the night before and the powerful physical sensations and feelings he’d stirred in her.  

She was confused by her decision now to ask him to make love to her. It was what she needed and desired at the time, but she hadn’t listened to his warning about the consequences and now, despite the pleasure and comfort it had brought her, she regretted it. A door had been opened that couldn’t be closed and she wasn’t sure walking through it was going to bring her happiness. She was afraid she was falling in love with a man 20 years her senior who, it seemed, thought it was too late to have children – something she had always thought would be in her future.  She needed to decide quickly what to say to him when he woke up. Would it be awkward?  – normally with a lover you knew if you were going to wake up and snuggle then make love again or wake up and walk away. Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t do the latter as it was her home and he was her guest.  Maybe they could just go back to being friends - “yeah right, who am I kidding after what he did for me last night?!”

She knew honesty was the best policy but she wasn’t ready to have a deep conversation just yet – especially one that she feared might mean he would leave because he thought it couldn’t work between them. She wasn’t a game player or manipulator, but she wasn’t past using avoidance as a tactic.

She lay next to him then, just staring at and admiring the perfect bone structure of his face and his  strong, muscular arms. He seemed to sense her watching him and opened his eyes.

“Bonjour” she greeted him

“Bonjour to you too” he said softly smiling.

“I hope you slept well, listen I’m going to go fetch the bread for breakfast. Can you start a pot of coffee?  - and then, if it’s OK with you, after we’ve eaten, I’d like to do something fun for a change. Maybe we can go and hire you a bike and I can show you some more of the island? You should experience the cycling here before you leave.”

 “OK, sure - I’d like that very much”

He desperately wanted to know how she felt about last night but thought that maybe comfort was all she had wanted after all and just for one night. Maybe she hadn’t felt the same connection and was able to just walk away – if so, he’d have to too. He’d slept restlessly because of his thoughts about it. He held his curiosity in check and rose with her to dress and get breakfast ready.

They feasted on coffee, croissants and pain au levant (sour dough) with butter and jam. Keanu joked that he’d need to back to the gym after this trip as she could feel his stomach thickening was a result of all the delicious food.

“Well the bike ride will help you burn off some calories I guess” she said

After their plates were empty, they tidied away and prepared a few things to take with them on the bike ride – a bottle of water, a first aid kit and some biscuits plus a rug in case they wanted to stop and rest somewhere. Then they made their way down to the village and the bike rental place to find  a suitable bike. She walked along with her own bike so they could ride on together on their trip straight away.

They headed south first to Ars en Re across the vine fields - its church spire (tall and white and topped with a black cone) acting as a guide to them of how far they had left to go. 

They stopped there and mooched around the shops including an artists’ studio on the harbour. Keanu recognised the artist’s work from postcards he’d seen in the local shops and decided to go in and look at purchasing a full-size piece. They really captured the essence of the island and he thought he’d like a memory of it on his wall at home. He found one with sailing boats and the harbour and church in the background and bought it - Claire helped with arranging extra payment for carriage home rather than risk damaging it on the flight.

Afterwards, they carried on across the salt marshes where they stopped to buy some local salt ‘en directe’ that Claire said she’d take home for cooking. The cycle paths were empty with it being early in the season and they could ride side by side and talk. They each purposefully kept the conversation light – the film, the restaurant , the new John Wick film that Keanu would start filming soon and so on - no mention was made of the night before.

It was 1pm when they reached the next village (La Couarde sue Mer) and they chose a little restaurant in the village centre that Claire knew to have lunch. 

Keanu had gone in to use the bathroom passing a man in chef’s whites as he went who turned out to be the owner. On seeing Claire arrive he had immediately come out – he kissed her on both cheeks and offered his condolences about her father. Keanu thought he recognised him from the wake – he hoped he was gone by the time he got back - he didn’t want any particular attention.  Happily, that was the case and they enjoyed a bowl of mussels and chips each only getting a couple of curious glances from waiters and fellow patrons – the look Keanu recognised as ‘don’t I know you from somewhere?’!

 Claire encouraged him to take the Eclade de moules which was the local speciality – a slightly creamy sauce over the mussels flavoured mildly with curry. Claire took the traditional moules marinieres and said they could swap if he didn’t like the “eclade” – once he’d tucked in, he wasn’t going to relinquish the bowl however – it was surprisingly tasty!

After lunch, they went down to the beach for a while and sat on the rocks watching the waves. Claire pointed out the tourist beaches along the coast down to Le Bois Plage and St Marie and the wilder coast up towards her home village. They could also see the other larger island of Oleron across the way and she shared some of the local history.

“We could take a boat trip if you like one day – there’s some really interesting history about Napoleon on Ile d’Aix with a little museum to explore.

“No way!” Keanu chuckled “that would be most excellent”

“are you being sarcastic?” Claire asked, a quizzical look on her face.

“We really need to watch a couple of my movies you know!” he said emphatically – “I’ll have you know, that was not sarcasm but a reference to a film called “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” in which I travel though time and kidnap Napoleon to help me pass a history exam. It’s kind of famous!”

“Oh sounds weird!  - I’m so sorry I don’t know it”

“Well, I guess you would only have been about, errm, let’s do the math, 5 when it came out! He laughed and shook his head, “Man I am so old!”

“Well you don’t seem it to me!” she said meeting his eyes and blushing as did he.                    

“Hey why don’t we try get Netflix or whatever set up later and I can show you it  - then maybe we could take that boat trip next time it’s running and see all that Napoleonic history?” They had had such a nice time so far that day that he’d started to forget about the night before and he wanted to keep things light and away from any compliments between them which might take them back into that territory.

They agreed to return home next, stopping for provisions for dinner. Later they booked tickets for the boat trip when it would next be running in a couple of days and organised their film night for the evening.

They chose Bill and Ted and Point Break to watch that night, both of which Claire loved especially the Napoleon moments in B&TEA and the foot chase in Point Break.

Over the next few days they had a total break from death related jobs and from the location scouting with Claire playing tourist guide. They did more cycle rides through forests and to beaches. Claire joked that Keanu should demonstrate his surfing skills but he said it had been way too long since he’d done it – he’d get wiped in the spring tides!

The boat trip was a wonderful excursion and took them from the island’s capital St Martin then around the coastline and under the island’s spectacular bridge before heading out past Ile d’Oleron and the famous Fort Boyard (where the real life Papillon of film fame was imprisoned) Finally it went on to Ile d’Aix where Napoleon stayed in exile before going to St Helena. Keanu loved history and relished seeing the house where he had stayed and the artefacts. Before catching the boat home they also had chance to grab a sandwich and walk around some of the island which was tiny at only 7km around.

 By the time they got home they were exhausted and had a simple supper of bread and cheese before slumping down to watch another movie. Claire was loving watching his old films that she’d missed growing up. Yesterday had been Speed and The Matrix – quite an overwhelming action combo. Tonight they thought one would be all they could manage but they struggled to decide.  Keanu had made a list of the titles that he thought were the key ones she should see and numbered them off - Claire picked a number  -  it was “The Lake House.”

They settled next to each other on the sofa.  At the porch scene, Claire needed a tissue and by the end, tears were streaming down her face.  

“That was truly beautiful” she sniffed as the theme song struck up again.

“Thanks, I like it” Keanu said humbly. Their eyes locked as McCartney sang ‘this never happened before’ and ‘this is the way it should be for lovers’ over and over. Claire looked down and took a breath.

“It never happened to me before either” she whispered looking up again, her eyes pleading with him to understand her meaning.

“You’re talking about what we did the other night?” he stated

“Yes she said, well not just that but yes, it was ………. beyond wonderful. I know I asked only to be comforted, and I needed the physical release  - and you gave me that  ……… but then I got something else I wasn’t expecting. The, errrm

“Connection?” he interjected.

“Yes!” she agreed emphatically.

“A connection like that, well it was something I��ve only felt once before ………… and, well, it took my breath away”, she looked at him searching to see his thoughts reflected in his expression.

He took her hand in his and whispered

“I felt it too.”

Her shoulders visibly relaxed as the knowledge that the feelings were shared.

“So, what are we going to do about it?” she asked?

“Honestly, I don’t know. That night, I could hardly sleep for thinking about it. I wondered how you felt – then after you just never mentioned it these past few days, I decided that maybe one night of physical closeness was all you wanted. I need you to know that I didn’t come here planning to take advantage of you, I just wanted to help but now I feel so much for you after such a short time”

He paused and she could read the doubt in his eyes

“But?”

“But” he paused again trying to find the right words “even though my feelings are so strong, I don’t know if we’re right for each other, I mean because I may not be able to give you what you want from life, because maybe I’m too old for you”

“You’re only as old as you feel right?” she countered

“Yes, but shit man it’s 20 years! And there’s mortality to consider, and ……” there was a (quite literally) pregnant pause.

“babies” she said, naming the elephant in the room.

“and yes, there’s babies – if you want them. I’m not sure I do, not now. I’m set in my ways. I’m often away filming for months on end. I will be again soon, in New York, for several months. It can be quite a gypsy existence.  And who knows if my sperm are still capable!’ he chuckled.

She leaned in and kissed him gently, cupping his cheek with her left hand

“So what happened to seizing the day, to living in the moment because we’re all gonna die anyway?  - that’s what you said on the plane when we talked about grief.”

He repeated her gesture, softly kissing her. Closed lipped and cupping her face in his hand.

“Claire I just don’t wanna hurt you and I’m scared I might. If it weren’t for the age difference, I’d rush to start a relationship with you but” he paused again. “There’s a character I played in a movie. I think you’d like it. It’s romantic and there are vineyards in it! Anyway my character, Paul, he’s married, but to a wife who he married in a hurry in the war and it turns out when he returns that they’re completely incompatible. He meets and falls in love with another woman who falls for him too but after kissing her and very nearly making love, he pulls away and says <<I want you more than anything Victoria, you can't imagine how I want you. But I'm not free and I won't hurt you that way, I won’t >>” 

He recited it sincerely, word for word from the movie, reliving the moment as Paul Sutton. So I feel a bit like him. I’m not married, well not to a woman at least, but maybe a little bit, no a lot, to acting and to my freedom to pursue it. I want to do the right thing by you and I’m not sure getting into a relationship is it.”

Her eyes filled with tears and he implored her to understand, a pained expression in his eyes.

“I have commitments too you know, things I’d have to compromise on to make time for you. That’s what relationships are about right? Love on the one hand and compromise on the other?”

“Ah ha” he replied yet still sounding doubtful

Claire sighed, her eyes sad and still teary “well, I’m going to bed.  I’m glad we talked but I’m tired now. I’ll see you in the morning”

Keanu didn’t answer, staring glumly at his hands which lay in his lap and she got up and went upstairs to bed.

“Fuck” he whispered as he sat alone and disconsolate.

He went to bed too where he slept restlessly, thinking each time he stirred that he could just go to her and say yes to trying to make it work, but the more he thought about that option, the more the fear of failure and heartache if it didn’t work grew in his mind. By 6am, he was convinced that fleeing the scene was the only option. 

He had two more restaurants to visit within a 100 miles of La Rochelle and decided to go to them on the motorbike he’d hired and take some time to think. He wrote Claire a note explaining that he thought a breather would be good right now and he’d be back in a couple of days. Slinging a few clean clothes and his toiletries in a backpack, he hit the open road.

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[fanficsrusz]

My collection - part three John wick AU

A/n: ahhh the calm before the storm. *evil laugh* im also going to start work on a masterlist soon 👍

Masterlist

________________________________________The downpour had stopped but y/n could still smell the rain in the air as she made her way out of the house and towards college. As she walked down the driveway where her car should be, she pulled out her phone and began to make the calls needed in order to get her car fixed.

Finishing the call quickly, she finally looked up and across the street. Johns car was not in the driveway and y/n relaxed her shoulders as chances of seeing him in the early morning reduced. She didn't care where he was and had no intention of finding out and so began the walk towards college taking in the scenery around her, letting all her stress melt away.

Arriving at college she saw the mechanic at her car already at work and jogged over to him. He was an elderly gentlemen but he had a soft face, a face that held wisdom and stories of his past experiences. He reminded her of her father. "hi. Hows shes doing" y/n beamed referring to the car. The mechanic stood up and gave her a puzzled look. "miss have you been playing with the car?" the man gave her a concerned look and y/n was confused. "what? No? Why would i play with it?" she asked peering over his shoulder to look at the cars inside. The mechanic looked back to the car before replying "well you see these wires have been pulled out quite forcefully. This was no accident and honestly ive only ever seen this one other time and that was at a crime scene" the mechanic half joked and y/n looked at the wires in his hand and just stood there as her thoughts raced "can you fix it?" y/n asked "miss i can fix just about anything" the guy chuckled but was met with silence. "good. I'm going to be in there so just call when you're done" she pointed to the building "will do" the old man said resuming his work once again.

Making her way into the school she walked into the reception office, she approached the young lady sitting at the desk. "hi. My name is y/n and i was just wondering if you have CCTV in the car park? You see my car was vandalised yesterday and i just want to see if they were caught on camera" the girl looked up at y/n and smiled kindly. "sure. I'll just get the security guard for you" and with that the girl left the room before returning moments later with a tall man who looked like he could work for the mafia with how big his muscles were. "follow me" the security guard said and led her into a small room at the back before sitting down at various monitors. He began to press random buttons before he stopped. The screen played back the scenes of yesterday and y/n watched herself pull into the carpark and get out. The sense of deja vu hit hard. The video continued playing as he slowly fast forwarded showing various people walking about but that's when the screen went black. "what happened?" y/n asked "I don't know" the guard began to click around the screen "its as if someone has deleted the footage" he stopped "i'm sorry i can't help you". Y/n sighed and grabbed her head "it's fine thank you for trying" and began to walk out. 'What the hell was going on?' y/n thought as she walked slowly down the hall towards the library.

Sitting down at one of the desks y/n rummaged through her bag to find her planner but couldn't find it she stopped rummaging through her bag, trying to remember where she had left it. "i believe you are looking for this" the voice said quietly and the book was held in front of her. Y/n looked up and there stood Dr. Wick im one of his various suits, a smirk tugging at his lips. Y/n had begun to hate his face and how he always seemed to know where she was and what she was doing but she couldn't bring herself to be rude. "thank you" y/n muttered before attempting to grab the book from his hand before it was suddenly pulled away. "you know you should really take better care of your things. Who knows what could happen to the things you love or whose hands they could fall into." there was a sinister undertone to his voice which y/n picked up. It was as if he was talking about something else. "Joh…. Dr Wick can i please have my planner back i've got work to do" john turned around and stood in front of her "of course you can my dear" and john handed her the book, the word 'dear' lingering in y/ns ears a little to long making her feel queasy.

As y/n took the book from him, she accidentally grazed his hand with hers and john's eyes went wide as if she had just told him the best news in the world. John walked out the library without another word. 'what the hell is up with that guy' y/n pondered on the though trying to decode his words and actions before her attention was pulled to a group of guys walking into the library. She recognised them, they were tom's friends. She waited as the group sat down but there was no tom. She slowly stood up to make her way towards them to find out where tom was but stopped when a thought entered her head 'you know what, no. He obviously doesn't care or he wouldn't of left' and with that y/n sat down and began working on various assignments.

The school day ended with not much else happening apart from the most uncomfortable lesson with Dr. Wick which was spent with him staring at y/n at every opportunity he had. It was as if he was taking in every detail of the girl. Y/n shuddered at the thought of John's eyes on her every movement as she made her way over to her car. There was a little note on the windscreen. 'your car is fixed. Please come in store or pay online.' y/n smiled and put the note in her pocket before driving home making a mental note about making sure to pay later on.

Pulling into the driveway she noticed that John's car was still not there. She began to gather her things from the seat next to her but her planner caught her attention. On the back of the book was a small red stain. She brought it closer to her face for inspection. Was it juice? Or…… "omg" y/n breathed out. Blood. A sudden knocking at the car window caused y/n to jump and hit her head on the roof. She looked over as she held her head and saw an old man stood there. She climbed out of the car. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you," he said, "no it's fine" y/n replied rubbing the spot she hit, a nice bruise forming "can I help you?" she replied standing up straight. "yes. My name is lucas im the landlord. My grandson tom said he was coming here last night but he never returned and he didn't show up for school. Have you seen him" the man was obviously panicking. y/n felt guilt shoot through her as she began to tell him the events of last night. " yhh tom came here and we watched a movie together before falling asleep but he was gone when I woke up. I assumed he went home". The man looked down as he breathed heavily. "ok thank you. Im going to have to report him missing." and just like that the man walked off down the street.

Y/n began to worry as she stood there. What could have happened to him? Where could he have gone?. The roar of the familiar mustang broke her train of thought and john pulled into the driveway before getting out. He had dirt and bruises all over his face and was walking with a limp. It looked like he had gone 50 rounds with a boxer. As john caught her gaze he faced her completely and waved. Y/n ignored him and ran inside the house making sure to lock the door behind her. She looked through the spy whole and saw him stand there for a few seconds before making his way inside. She sighed a sign if relieve. She did not want to talk to him if she could avoid it. The weird vibe he emitted only got stronger with each passing moment and it was as if she was the only one who noticed the mans odd behaviour.

Y/n shook her head before beginning to go about her nightly routine.

A few hours later the sky was dark and y/n was sat in front of the TV with a bowl of pasta in hand ready to drown herself in friday night tv. She changed the channel to the news and was greeted with a picture of toms face. She put the bowl down next to her and proceeded to turn the volume up as the news presenter continued her story.

"....... Local student Tom Bishop has been reported missing after failing to return home after visiting a friend……" that last bit made y/n feel so guilty and she held her face in her hands. ".... This report comes after 4 young women went missing less that 20 miles away." y/n looked up at the 4 pictures displayed on the screen. Each of them looked similar in appearance and similar to y/n but she didn't really take much notice of the pictures, only focusing on the fact that Tom was missing and she couldn't help but feel responsible. "... It is not yet known if the cases are linked, however, Police are warning people to lock doors and windows and be careful. If you have any information about any of the people shown tonight, please contact the police. The weather for this…..". Y/n turnt the tv off and stood up just as she heard a noise come from across the street and there stood john pulling random things out of his trunk. Y/n moved closer to the window to get a better look. Her eyes went wide. The jacket tom was wearing when they first met was in his hands. Y/n moved back slightly as john turned around and he saw her. She was sure he had a dark red stain down his normally pristine shirt. He smirked and Y/n quickly pulled the curtains closed in an attempt to look as if she saw nothing.

Closing her eyes she tried to clear her mind. "im being stupid. Why would he have toms jacket?" y/n opened her eyes again looking at the clock in the room. It clocks hand showed 11pm. Y/n had been awake for so long. "im just seeing things. Im just tired. " y/n laughed at the attempts to put a logic explanation to what she saw "yepp just seeing things". Y/n made her way up to her room and got into bed. As she laid down her brain wouldn't let her sleep. Eventhough y/n had tried to convince herself otherwise she knew what she saw and what she had to do.  With that thought she leant over and grabbed her phone. She began to dial 911 and went to press the call button but stopped. Did she really want to do this? What if the man was innocent? "no" she said "if the man is innocent, the police will find nothing." she said before pressing the call button.

"911 whats your emergency" the operator said

"hi i think i have some information about the Tom Bishop case."

"please hold" and with that y/n was transferred to a detective on the case and began to describe what she saw that night. "ok thank you miss. May I have your name?" the detective said. "um can I keep this as an anonymous tip?" she asked twiddling with her blanket as a way to comfort herself. "sure" the detective said a smile evident on his face "thank you for your help" and he hung up.

Y/n sighed and laid back down closing her eyes.

She didn't know how or why but John Wick had something to do with Toms disappearance.

Tbc

_________________________________________

A/n: so part three is over and im excite to see what you all think of this chapter because the shit is about to hit the fan.

Tag list :

@homesoutofhuman

@softwhispers

@lushboy148

@dorinasfavs

[thezachrogers]

The Best and Worst Films of 2019.

We are THREE days away from the Academy Awards and I know this is way overdue, but I made the deadline and have brought the films to watch and avoid that came out last year. We will be counting down from the films that were best all the way down to the worst.

2019 was the best year for film in a long time and I will go down saying I LOVED my top 26, I liked 27-65 and I only disliked/hated four films I saw last year. Overall an excellent year of endings to series, a great year for original films, and we are in for one of the most competitive Academy Awards yet. So here it is, counting down from best to worst, the 69 films I saw in 2019:

Avengers: Endgame - NOW AVAILABLE ON DISNEY+ nominated for 1 Oscar, one of the best films I have ever seen in my life and my current all time favorite comic book film. 

Ford v Ferrari - nominated for 4 Oscars including Best Picture. Wow, wow, wow; what a movie, see this movie ASAP. Hands down the BEST performance of Matt Damon’s career, a definite snub for Best Actor, directed by 2017′s Logan’s James Mangold.

Jojo Rabbit - nominated for 6 Oscars including Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Supporting Actress, this film gives you all the feels. Border lining on the edge of offensive, this story is about a little boy growing up in the Nazi Regime learning that everything he loves about Nazi Germany and what he believes about Jews just doesn’t add up. 

Marriage Story NETFLIX ORIGINAL - nominated for 6 Oscars including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress, and Best Supporting Actress, this cast brings it in this tragic story of marriage and divorce. I’m rooting for my boy Kylo Ren Sunday Night even though I know Joaquin Phoenix is going to win as the Clown Prince of Crime.

Bombshell - nominated for 3 Oscars including Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress (GO MARGOT ROBBIE), this is based on the true story of Roger Ailes’s firing at Fox News due to Gretchen Carlson’s accusations. Robbie gives the performance of her career and Charlize Theron plays a very convincing Megyn Kelly starting the “Me Too” movement.

The Two Popes - NETFLIX ORIGINAL nominated for 3 Oscars including Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor. This true story and Netflix original is about Anthony Hopkins portrays Pope Benedict leaving the position and asks the now Pope Francis (Jonathan Pryce) to fill his shoes.

Once Upon a Time...in Hollywood - Nominated for 10 Oscars including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor (guaranteed win), and Best Original Screenplay, Quentin Tarantino’s masterpiece is LOOSELY based on 60s Hollywood during the time of the Manson Family murders.

The Irishman - NETFLIX ORIGINAL Nominated for 10 Oscars including Best Picture, Best Director, and Two Best Supporting Actor Nominees, Scorsese brought it in this four hour Netflix Orginal.

1917 - Nominated for 10 Oscars including guaranteed Best Picture and guaranteed Best Director, 1917 takes place in real time and is shown in two takes. Brilliant cinematography and direction, this is one to see in theaters.

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood - Oscar Nominated for Best Supporting Actor, this movie brought me to tears. I grew up with Mr. Rogers and Tom Hanks absolutely kills it in this role.

The King NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Parasite - Nominated for 6 Oscars including Best Picture and Best Director. This Korean Film has the craziest plot I have ever seen in a movie. See it. You will be blown away.

Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker - Nominated for 3 Oscars including Best Score this was quite the underwhelming finale compared to Endgame, I mean a 42 year buildup and it just did not hit home like it should have. Now they ended the big three’s (Luke, Han, and Leia) arcs very well and FREAKING KYLO REN has become my all-time favorite character. We all need to thank Adam Driver for carrying this trilogy on his back as Rey, Finn, and Poe’s arcs where just meh. I do believe JJ did everything he could do with what he was given with The Last Jedi. All the fan service was amazing and very appreciated like bringing back Wedge, Lando, Han, Young Luke, Young Leia, Red 5, and Palpatine back for last ride. I will be in line at Target at 7am to pick up their exclusive packaged Ultra 4K Bluray and yes, I’ve already started the paperwork on financing the Best Buy exclusive complete Skywalker saga (I’m not joking).

El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Honey Boy PRIME ORIGINAL - 2019 was the comeback of Shia LaBeouf’s career. This movie was written by him and loosely based on his life. LaBeouf plays his father and brings the best performance of his career.

The Report PRIME ORIGINAL 

Spider-Man: Far From Home

They Shall Not Grow Old NOW AVAILABLE ON HBO

Uncut Gems - Snubbed by the Golden Globes and the Academy Awards, the Safdie brothers deliver a masterpiece and the performance of Adam Sandler’s career.

Togo - DISNEY+ ORIGINAL

Frozen II - Nominated for Best Original Song, if it doesn’t win, lets riot.

Knives Out - Nominated for Best Original Screenplay, this Rian Johnson directed film was snubbed from every other category due to everyone remaining pissed off about The Last Jedi.

Toy Story 4 - NOW AVAILABLE ON DISNEY+ Nominated for Best Animated Film and Best Original Song, another underwhelming finale (that no one asked for, because we already got it with Toy Story 3), I still loved this movie and it is well deserved for best animated film but not more deserving than the snubbed Frozen sequel.

Little Women - Nominated for 6 Oscars including Best Picture, Best Actress, and Best Supporting Actress, Florence Pugh and the rest of the cast delivered in this reboot and this was a film I thoroughly enjoyed at home.

Richard Jewell - Nominated for Best Supporting Actress

The Peanut Butter Falcon

The Farewell

Harriet - Nominated for 2 Oscars including Best Actress

Klaus - NETFLIX ORIGINAL Nominated for Best Animated Film

Dolemite Is My Name - NETFLIX ORIGINAL Eddie Murphy’s triumphant comeback delivers. Definite snub, this is not the last we will see of Eddie in the coming months with Coming 2 America and Eddie’s much anticipated standup special

Missing Link - NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU Nominated for Best Animated Film

Joker - Leading the Oscars with 11 Nominations including Best Picture, Best Actor (guaranteed win), Best Director, Best Cinematography (Guaranteed win), Best Score (guaranteed win); Joaquin Phoenix delivers a career-defining performance (that still does not touch Heath Ledger’s) in a quite underwhelming plot with beautiful cinematography and a masterful score, this movie is turning the tides for the comic-book film genre.

Late Night PRIME ORIGINAL

John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum NOW AVAILABLE ON HBO

Shazam! NOW AVAILABLE ON DC UNIVERSE

Fighting With My Family NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU

Long Shot NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU

Doctor Sleep

Hustlers

Fyre: The Greatest Party That Never Happened NETFLIX ORIGINAL

The Highwaymen NETFLIX ORIGINAL

The Laundromat NETFLIX ORIGINAL

The Aeronauts PRIME ORIGINAL 

Always Be My Maybe NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Maleficent: Mistress of Evil - Nominated for Best Hair and Makeup

Chasing Happiness PRIME ORIGINAL

Good Boys

Fast and Furious Presents: Hobbs and Shaw

Aladdin NOW AVAILABLE ON DISNEY+

Captain Marvel NOW AVAILABLE ON DISNEY+

The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part NOW AVAILABLE ON HBO AND HULU

Isn’t It Romantic NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU

Detective Pikachu NOW AVAILABLE ON HBO AND HULU

Lady and the Tramp DISNEY+ ORIGINAL

MIB: International NOW AVAILABE ON HULU

6 Underground NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Noelle DISNEY+ ORIGINAL

Ad Astra - Nominated for Best Sound

The Lion King - NOW AVAILABLE ON DISNEY+ Nominated for Best Special Effects

It Chapter Two

Ready or Not

The Lighthouse - Nominated for Best Cinematography

Dumbo NOW AVAILABLE ON DISNEY+

Little NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU

Happy Death Day 2U NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU

Triple Frontier NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile - NETFLIX ORIGINAL Another gem from Netflix, Zac Efron gives the acting performance of his career as Ted Bundy.

Glass NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU - The final film in the Unbreakable trilogy that no one asked for...yet we didn’t know we wanted. This film was highly anticipated for a sad (yes, tears) ending to same great characters. Glass does not hold a candle to Unbreakable, nor Glass, but it is still loads of fun.

Dark Phoenix - They say they save the best for last...well it X-Men’s case, they don’t. This film was a polished turd with great acting from McAvoy and Sophie Turner. 

Murder Mystery - NETFLIX ORIGINAL Oh look, another movie where Adam Sandler went on vacation with his buddies and said “lets get Netflix to pay for a Eurotrip by making a movie,” and then you get Netflix’s Murder Mystery. Looks like they will be paying for another vacation with 2021′s Murder Mystery 2. No, I am not kidding.

Wine Country NETFLIX ORIGINAL- This film had literally all the SNL power women except for Kristen Wiig...I wonder why? JK, horrible...no wonder it went straight to Netflix

Us NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU - The worst and most overrated movie of the year. I was so excited, I went to the theater opening night. What a disappointing follow up to Get Out and a complete waste of time. Do not watch this movie.

[jamierogersthea130-blog]

Section 1

Week 1

The Affairs at Meddlers Top— Richard Coleman

This play takes place in the early 20th century and  is about a man named Sir Hector Croquet who decides to hold a tennis match in his town called Meddlers Top. He invites many important people to this event but at the same time other people are planning on committing a crime such as theft and much worse. It seems like there would need to be about 4 different sets for this play like Dining room, bedroom area, and 2 outside areas. Overall though I didn’t get all of the jokes I still thought that it was funny.

Week 2

Bill— Janice Sampson

This play is super interesting because its like 5 different plays that all add up to one big. It follows five different people who are introduced separately but then a work out routine brings them together. Because there are 5 different characters living their individual lives in the first act, many sets would be necessary. I think this play would be difficult to pull off (probably not for SDSU) but I think that this play is hilarious as explicit as it is.

Week 3

A Brief Encounter with Murder— Peter John Cooper

This is a holiday story but at the same time a murder mystery. It begins when a mother goes missing with a fisherman and a fat catholic priest is dead in the house and people are trying to put together the pieces. This would be a very simple play to put on I think there seems to only be one setting which is a living room.I think that this play was intended to be a comedy but it was just too much for my liking.

Week 4

Chip Off the Block— Liz Dobson

This play follows a girl named Katie who has never met her father. She then gets a TV programming channel to help her find him, but it becomes way more complicated and affects people outside of her immediate family. This play acting wise I feel like would be hard to put on because the writing is so good and I just feel like It would be hard to act, but setting wise its only in a dining room/ kitchen section of a house. Overall, it was easy to read and the writing was amazing, I also loved the plot.

Week 5

The Amazing America Road Trip — Rob Roznwski

After the 1960 presidential election a family has lost all faith in the United States so they decide to take a road trip across the country. During this trip they meet many different types of people which helps restore their faith in the country. This play would be very hard to put on because the sets are all different places across the country but acting wise I think it's more than achievable. Since the play is based on the 1960s i9n my opinion it’s very dated but I still found a few jokes funny.

Week 6

Angel of Happiness— David Pemberton

The main character, Oliver, has an extreme panic attack and a man named Angelo helped him but now Oliver depends on him for mostly all of his life advice. Angelo ends up manipulating and him and even tries to break up his family. I honestly don’t remember much about the setting but I’m pretty sure it was outside. Overall I think that this play was fine but not super exciting.

Week 7

Any Colour but Red— David Pemberton

A couple named Jim and Jandi have an open house with intentions of selling their house there is a mix up with the listing so one pretty sketchy people with weird questions showed up to the house. But the next day when Jim and Jandi return to their home it's a crime scene. The only setting area seems to be a kitchen could be easily built and the writing is amazing with a very good plot. I really enjoy this play and I’m pretty sure its my favorite one I’ve read yet

Week 8

‘A Day in the Life’— Gary Diamond and Ray Lawrence

After the passing of their moms remarried husband a family gets together to check the will of their late step dad who they were not too fond of. When they see the will they are very surprised. The setting seems to only be in a family room within a house. This is a British play which makes the comedy a little bit harder for me to understand but I still thought it was super funny and relatable, It seemed like something thats very normal nowadays in my opinion.

Week 9

A Fairy tale adventure— Sophia Holder

In this play is a collision of many classic tales such as Hansel and Gretel, and Snow White. But in this version the Wicked Witch turns all of the existing fairy tales ending so that evil will always win. So the other characters have to work together to save the stories. This would for sure be a hard production since this is a fairytale. I’m not a huge fan or fairytales so I didn’t really enjoy it but I thought the mixing up with the characters was cool.

Week 10

Family Spirit— Pat Wollaston

When a man named Arthur dies he meets his guardian angel named simon who informs him to get past just being a ghost in his house, he has to be “assessed”. But of course with that comes complications. The only location for the play seems to be Arthurs old house which means basically just his bedroom or living room. Overall I thought that this play was interesting and kind of reminds me of a black mirror episode I really enjoy.

Week 11

Handstands for You— Adam Exton

This play starts off with a boy named Billy and a girl named Gremma who are best friends but she then moves away. Flash forward Billy is 12 and has a new best friend named Ronald who has leukemia. But then Gremma moves back and they all have to find a way to be friends with each other efficiently now that their older. This seems like it would be an easy play for a school like SDSU to put on considering there’s only about two different settings. Overall I think that this play was very good but for a younger audience.

Week 12

The Greatest Form of Flattery— Amy Sutton

In this play Brendon is a failing artist who is totally embarrassed to see someone he went to artist with. And this guy is about to get very rich and famous off of a stolen piece. So Brendon decides to steal the art piece which makes things very interesting. I liked this play a lot because it was only one act, so it felt like watching a movie or tv episode when I read it. Setting wise this would be a complicated production but with the right actors, this could actually be a really funny play, I really enjoyed reading it.

Week 13

The Odd Couple (female version)— Neil Simon

This play is an adaptation of the show The Odd Couple I’m pretty sure (which was an all male cast) But in this play its dysfunctional group of older girlfriends hanging out and playing a boardgame. But one of their friends friends threatens to kill herself which spices things up. This play only takes place in a living room so It would be an easy set but the play is really funny and I think a lot of the jokes would be hard to pull off especially now, hence this play is based in the 80s.

Week 14

Lucky Stiff— Stephen Flaherty and Lynn Ahrens

This play is a musical about a shoeman who leads a very boring life but unexpectedly his uncle who died wishes to travel throughout Europe, so Harry the shoeman is basically dragging is dead uncle throughout Europe. This would be a big production since its a musical and there would be many different settings and costumes but I still think It would be very achievable for a school like SDSU. Overall I thought It was hilarious.

[waterlilyvioletfog]

Top 3 Supernatural Episodes Per Season

Warning: Spoilers below the cut. I am SUPER biased. Take everything I say with a HEALTHY grain of salt. 

Season 1: omg they look like INFANTS

1. “Home” 1x09. This episode is amaaaaaaaaaaaaazing AND it’s super important to the mytharch AND we get Winchester family drama. One of those early instances of “Wow we need to give Jensen Ackles an emmy like yesterday”. Mary turns up and foreshadows like??? so much??

2. “Scarecrow” 1x11. Super creepy, major “The Lottery” vibes, fuck I just. I love it. 

3. “Hell House” 1x17. Close call between this one and “Something Wicked” but in the end, Harry and Ed and all the hilarity that ensues just. *chef’s kiss* 

Honorable Mentions: “Something Wicked”

Season 2:  ugh so many good episodes season 2 is SO good

1. “The Usual Suspects” 2x07. SAM GETS TO BE SO SNARKY IN THIS EPISODE AND I LOOOOVE IT. Also Diana is a bamf. 

2. “Croatoan” 1x09. UGH YASSSSSSS. Close call between this and “In My Time Of Dying”, though

3. “What is And What Should Never Be” 2x20. Look man, I don’t know what to tell you. I’m cheap as all get out. Dean angst? Gimme gimme. Also it has WYNONNA EARP IN IT.  

Honorable Mentions: “In My Time of Dying”, “Nightshifter” 

Season 3:  half of these episodes suck, the other half are perfect heeeelllppp

1. “Bad Day At Black Rock” 3x03. This episode it just hilarious from start to finish. Also, Bela vs. Dean. 

2. “Mystery Spot” 3x11. A double whammy of HILARIOUS and OH FUCK THIS IS DEPRESSING. 

3. “Jus In Bello” 3x12. It was real hard to decide between this and Ghostfacers but ultimately, Nancy Fitzgerald (aka Ella Lopez) and Victor Henrikson are the actual best and deserve all the love ever.  

Honorable Mentions: “Ghostfacers”, “The Kids Are Alright” 

Season 4: Somehow there is only one episode that is not stunningly amazing?? 

1: “On the Head of A Pin” 4x16. Cas becomes a main character and it is AMAZING and oh my god give Jensen ALL the emmys oh and ALSO we finally learn exactly what Sam and Ruby’s “extracurricular activities” entail. Feels like a movie. We get the reveal that the angels are working to break the seals. Anna is also amazing. Why is this episode so beautiful. I’m fucking crying and so is Dean. I could gush for hours. 

2. “It’s a Terrible Life” 4x17. This episode is just a fucking delight. (Am I giving it such a high score on the basis of The Kink’s “Well Respected Man” alone? Maybe. Honestly I SHOULD be putting Rapture here but oh well. I’m biased.) 

3. “Monster Movie” 4x05. It was hard to decide between this “In the Beginning” “Lazarus Rising” “The Rapture” and “Lucifer Rising” (which all deserve all the praise ever) but ugh ugh ugh this episode is ALSO perfect AND I love it a bajillion. It’s in black and white and the guest actress is SO pretty and also I think I’ve already gone into detail about how the MoTW is a Lucifer Parallel. Also Dean says he’s been rehymenated so TRANS!DEAN RIGHTS! 

Honorable Mentions: “In The Beginning” “Lazarus Rising” “Lucifer Rising” “The Rapture” 

Season 5: You want to be sad? You also want to watch really good TV? SEASON FIVE IS WHERE IT’S AT! 

1. “Two Minutes To Midnight” 5x21. I know, I know. I should be putting “Swan Song” here but look,, I am easily bought with the promise of Julian Richings as Death. 

2. “Free To Be You And Me” 5x03. Funny Destiel buddy cop film, Sam gets to be filtered through the eyes of an audience-stand-in in universe, also contains Castiel’s ICONIC line “but today you’re MY little bitch”. 

3. “Dark Side of The Moon” 5x16. Narrowly beats out “My Bloody Valentine”, “Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid”, and “The Song Remains The Same”. I am trash for any pieces of Sam and Dean’s childhoods and also this episode gives me SO MUCH material for beating up John with a baseball bat. 

Honorable Mentions: “Swan Song” “My Bloody Valentine” “Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid” “The Song Remains The Same” “The End” 

Season 6: We Don’t Talk About Season Six. 

1. “The Man Who Would Be King” 6x20. Cas. Destiel. Ow. 

2. “Mommy Dearest” 6x19. Eve! Sam Smith! idk, I just really like it.

3. “Appointment In Samarra” 6x11. As I said, I am easily bought with Julian Richings. Tessa the Reaper!!! Sam stop trying to murder your father. 

Honorable Mentions: “You Can’t Handle The Truth” “My Heart Will Go On” “Weekend At Bobby’s”

Season 7:  Terrible reputation given the fact that it has SO many great episodes. Sera Gamble? You’re mean. 

1. “Slash Fiction” 7x06. Why is this episode so hilarious???? Robbie Thompson starting out with a BANG!

2. “Plucky Pennywhistle’s Magical Menagerie” 7x14. In the total goop of “thick. black. ooze.” of this season, 7x14 is a light in the darkness. Every inkling of joy, of spark, of color, of childishness, all of it, poured out into this one episode, wherein Sam totally loses his cool and I love it. Sam looks so pretty at the end. Dean is simultaneously an actual child and an actual Dad and I love it. 

3. “Out With The Old” 7x16. I love me some levis, man, don’t know what to tell you. It’s just so fun!!

Honorable Mentions: All of Robbie’s episodes, “Hello, Cruel World” “Repo Man” “Reading Is Fundamental” “How To Win Friends And Influence Monsters” 

(The ONLY reason I’m not including TBAI is bc @mad-as-a-box-of-frogs is slowly converting me to hating Megstiel enough to not watch Destiel episodes) 

Season 8: That one season where we admitted that Crowley’s a DICK. 

1. “Hunteri Heroici” 8x08. CAAAAS!!! Also the only episode where anyone watching actually gives a shit about the Sam x Amelia flashbacks. 

2. “LARP And The Real Girl” 8x11. Super fun! CHARLIE RETURNS. Dean is a FUCKING NERD. Sam gets flirted with :) Real close tie between this one and Pac-Man Fever

3. “The Great Escapist” 8x20. Edlund really gave it his all for this last episode. Cas kicks SO much ass. Sam needs to be protected at ALL costs. Kevin ALSO kicks SO much ass. The actor who plays Sweet Pea on Riverdale is here??? Wow.  

Honorable Mentions: “Pac-Man Fever” “As Time Goes By” “Everyone Hates Hitler” “Trial And Error” 

(See note on The Born-Again Identity for why Goodbye Stranger is not on this list. Again, blame @mad-as-a-box-of-frogs )

Season 9: Sam is mad at Dean for not letting him go

1. “First Born” 9x11. No, I will not elaborate. Tim Omundson speaks for himself. There is nothing wrong with this entire episode and if you try to tell me there is I can and will gut you like a fish. 

2. “Heaven Can’t Wait” 9x06. DESTIELLLLLLLLLLLL. 

3. “Do You Believe In Miracles?” 9x23. Wow it’s the first Season Finale to make it to my top 3!! Metatron gets what’s coming, DEAN BECOMES A FUCKING DEMON. 

Honorable Mentions: “Bad Boys” “Mother’s Little Helper” “Alex Annie Alexis Ann” “Meta Fiction”

Season 10:  Dean is mad at Sam for not letting him go

1. “The Executioner’s Song” 10x14. See my comments on “First Born”. 

2. “Angel Heart” 10x20. BRING YOUR DAUGHTER TO WORK DAY. DESTIEL. JIMMY X AMELIA. COOL UNCLE SAMMY. DEAN IS A NERD. DEAN IS CLAIRE’S DAD NOW SORRY NO TAKE BACKS. (also, “blue eyes crying” is just ugh ugh ugh)

3. “The Werther Project” 10x18. SAMWITCH RISE!!!!!!!!!!! 

Honorable Mentions: “Hibbing 911″ “The Prisoner” “The Things We Left Behind” 

Season 11: Ahh, yes. You. Lucifer. Get fucked. 

1. “Don’t Call Me Shurley” 11x20. *slow clap* Robbie Thompson, you have served your country well. 

2. “Red Meat” 11x17. This is gonna sound strange, but this episode is sorta my comfort food?? I’ve watched it literally so many times. I love it. So much. 

3. “The Chitters” 11x19. Nancy Won wrote three episodes for SPN, all in season 11, they are all stellar. Chitters is GAY. She also wrote “Don’t You Forget About Me” and “Thin Lizzie” I’m putting them here so as not to crowd up the Honorable Mentions.

Honorable Mentions: “The Vessel” “Devil In the Details” “We Happy Few” “Baby” “Form And Void” “Into the Mystic” honestly just watch every non-bucklemming episode they are pretty much all amazing. 

Season 12: I WILL DEFEND MARY WITH MY LIFE DON’T @ ME 

1. “The Future” 12x19. DESTIEL. I would die for Kelly. Fetus!Jack. GOODBYE DAGON!! THE MIXTAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. “Who We Are” 12x22. JUST KILL ME WHY DON’T YOU, BOBO?! WE ALL KNOW YOU WANT TO. 

3. “Stuck In the Middle (With You)” 12x12. Destiel love confession!!!!!! Drowley!! Mary will fight everyone willingly!! SAM GETS THE ORANGE JACKET

Honorable Mentions: Every. Single. Non-BL. Episode. Watch. Them. Now. 

Season 13: JAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!! 

1. “Advanced Thanatology” 13x05. *inhales deeply* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Also, Steppenwolf. 

2. “Beat the Devil” 13x21. DICK JOKES GALORE. Also, we must protect Sam at all costs. Gabena is perfect. Samwitch is also perfect. Sabriel is also good. Lucifer can go fuck himself. 

3. “Breakdown” 13x11. It physically pains me not to put “Funeralia” here but alas, I must not show Steve Yockey too much favoritism. Anyways. DONNA!!! DOUG!! CREEPY!!! SAM’S HEART IS WORTH SO MUCH MONEY!! GIVE SAMMY A HUG!!

Honorable Mentions: “The Scorpion And The Frog” “Funeralia” “The Thing” “The Bad Place” “The Big Empty” “Lost And Found” 

Season 14: 

 1. “Moriah” 14x20. Proof that Supernatural will go down in history as ALMIGHTY. GOD IS THE ULTIMATE VILLAIN.

2. “Peace of Mind” 14x15. I still haven’t recovered. Jared must have had literally all the fun in the world. 

3. “Mint Condition” 14x04. Yay!! Very fun!!! (I wanted to put Optimism here, but again, I can’t show Yockey so much favoritism. It’s not my fault! he’s too good!!) 

Honorable Mentions: “Optimism” “Ouroboros” “Unhuman Nature” “Byzantium” “Damaged Goods”

[anamorph-marco]

Deadpool 2 (Spoilers)

Spoilers

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>>>>

. . . . Okay, if you're still reading this you have been adequately SPOILERS, warned.

Deadpool 2 sucks. And it is unfortunate that it sucks because when it is good and on its game it is one of the funniest wittiest and sharpest pieces of parody satire comedy of an over-bloated over-saturated genre I've ever seen.

But three specific things CONSTANTLY pull this film back from being good, and ONE specific thing, makes it FUCKING AWFUL.

Let's start with the three things.

This film's theme, or what it clearly wants to be its theme, is that "No one is beyond saving, and EVERYONE is worth that effort, no matter what." Which is a very solid emotionally compelling lead, that compels the plot of the film.

When the film allows itself to have a plot.

The film's next HUGE problem is that it is basically a poorly written mess.

It's seams show EVERYWHERE. And I mean in it's story telling and structural assembly. Every single scene, no every single shot, can be so clearly delineated between Plot relevant, and joke. It very rarely ever does both at once and creates (A term I'm borrowing from video game critique) Cinema-Narrative dissonance, constantly. (Otherwise known as dissonance of framing)

The third thing:

While directly related to the second point, this observation is worthy of it's own consideration. This film has a tone problem. It is constantly trying to play itself two ways, Logan level serious, and South Park level funny. The tonal yo-yo-ing is so extreme that I'm surprised neck-braces aren't required upon viewing. (That's a joke)

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS (seriously, like, don't read this if you care about that stuff)

The film basically opens with *Wife Character* (I know her name is Ness, but she is reduced to a prop and it's infuriating so to emphasize that injustice I'm going to refer to her in this way to point out this ...phenomenon? yeah. I understand if it's upsetting) Anyways,

Wife character dies. Straight up, no pulled punches, she's shot in the heart, and it comes OUT OF NOWHERE. The film has not built up any stakes for itself, opening with a suicide joke . . . nice . . . And continuing into a constant barrage of satirical slapstick buffoonery and then BOOM wife dies. It's so out of nowhere that every time it cuts back to this CHARACTER MOTIVATING SUB PLOT, I was constantly apprehensive waiting for the other shoe to drop and the reveal to be it was all a joke.

I mean, it literally cuts to him in a bar peeing on himself because he's so sad.

I kept waiting for it to reveal that he was overreacting and imagining it all, or that he was over reacting and she just had to get surgery and was fine. Like the camera was going to pull focus and she was going to be in a wheel chair behind him.

For the recod: That doesn't happen, she's legitimately dead, actually totes mcscrotes real 4 realsies no take backsies.

Its that poorly handled.

The film hasn't earned this, it fridges Ness just to . . . John Wick? Deadpool into the main plot? But really it doesn't have anything to do with the main plot, and is a sub plot, that starts the film and is only there to be set up for jokey jokes later.

And no, John Wick is unfair. Because the whole point of John Wick is that his wife dies of natural causes and he is forced to confront that of all possible ways this could have happened to him or her, random cruel chance, was never one he thought of.

Ness dies because Deadpool fails to kill a dude with a cream cheese spreader.

No really, that's the joke.

END OF THREE THINGS

Okay, all of those poits are bad, but ultimately not unforgivable. If the rest of the execution is on par or better this film could be decent to good, and if certain points really hit home, it could still recover.

All points I concede.

Though my critique of those moments does have objective roots, it is ultimately subjective that I feel they are a big enough problem to impact the film's quality if the rest of the film executes itself competently anyways.

THE SCENE.

In my mind it will be the scene forever (And yes I'm stealing this set up from Hbomberguy, go watch his vids he's amazing)

The SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

THe scene: AKA: The X-Force Death scene.

If you've seen the trailers you know that Deadpool assembles a team of celebrity cameos to be his new team to take down the big bad. In a joke moment he calls them X-Force and thus . . . they are. Setup:

Deadpool and . . . annoying Edgar Wright film reject character (The bartender whose name I don't remember) hold "Tryouts" for the new team and put out a Craig's List add for recruits.

A whole bunch of people show up.

And all of them get hired, Immediately.

So there's your set up. A bunch of volunteers show up to help a guy do the right thing and save a kid from a psycho killer.

The film has earned and built towards ZERO (0) animosity towards these characters.

Okay, *deep breath* the scene:

The scene features all of those recruits dying in the most brutal cruel vicious disgusting and violent on screen deaths I've ever seen in cinema history, and I've seen A LOT of Z rated exploitation horror films.

Half the deaths don't make sense. Are only there because the script said so, break the diegetic reality, suspension of disbelief, and core conceit; of a film where the main character speaks directly to the audience for jokes. How you even manage to FUCK UP that bad . . . I don't even begin to comprehend.

Terry Cruise slams head first into a bus.

Brad Pitt has a brief two second cameo as his character get's electrecuted on a live wire.

Acid Vomit man gets pulled head first through a wood shipper, but not before he vomits on Gary . . . or was it stu? Russel? Whatever.

And then

Shatterstar. Shatterstar is an alien. So his blood is green.

Shatterstar gets pureed into green slop by helicopter blades. And then his severed ponytail SLOPS onto the windshield of the helicopter in a moment that is burned into my retinas.

IT is disgusting, and cruel and directly the fault of Deadpool.

Who against all advisory, forces his team to jump despite a wind advisory.

So let's talk about all the reasons this is completely fucking stupid.

1. a commercial sky diving plane is not going to bring divers up in a wind advisory. SO he either stole the plane or killed people to get it.

2. A helicopter WOULD NOT BE initiating take off under said conditions.

3. Helicopters don't work that way.

And three is the real kicker.

In film history there are moments that live in infamy for various parts of the craft.

For stunts gone wrong, there is ONE (1) moment.

When filming Twilight Zone, against all advisory, the director of the episode put children in harms way, and all three were decapitated by the helicopter.

This is particularly poignant because during the filming of Deadpool, a specific producer, who's name rhymes with Brian Greynalds, went against all cautionary advisory and had a stunt woman perform a stunt in unsafe conditions leading to her death.

So then, in the movie, we have a visual recreation of the most notorious stunt gone wrong in film history, in a film with a stunt gone wrong, where the leader, ignores all warnings, forces his character to perform the task, and they die a gruesome cruel death.

yeah.

And this isn't a moment of reflection either. Because this 6 minute scene is followed by a minute of jokes at the expense of the dead and then NONE of those characters are EVER MENTIONED AGAIN.

So... Let's really analyze why this scene is a problem. It's grotesquely unfunny. Absurdly cruel. Completely Mean Spirited. Horrifically distasteful. and again Not in any way funny whatsoever? (You know, despite what all the press junkits with the cast might make you think where they laugh and joke about this scene)

But it's one more thing.

Remember what I said was the theme of the movie? *Flashback*

"No one is beyond saving, and EVERYONE is worth that effort, no matter what."

Yeah.

This scene, directly works against that theme in the starkest and most movie destroying way possible.

As we watch the protagonist, not just cause and allow for the deaths of 5 well meaning characters specifically trying their best to do the right thing for good reasons, die in the most horrible ways ever put to screen.

We then get to joke about it. With no remorse. and no reflection. and then, it's forgotten.

If I had a digital copy of the film. I could literally edit that scene and the character's introductions out of the film, and NOTHING WOULD CHANGE.

It's a bad scene.

And combined with everything else.

It makes Deadpool 2 a bad movie.

And the fact that everything else in it is so good, just makes it all the more infuriating, because this film snatches defeat from the jaws of victory for no reason. One that could have easily been fixed in editing.

It would have had tone problems.

It would have been inconsistent.

But it would have been good, with great highlights.

But instead.

It's not.

It's just bad

. . . . . . . . . . . . ***Post Credits thoughts: (I guess)*** ... And I didn't even go into the extended toddler dick joke scene. Because . . . yeah. That's a thing. and it's as uncomfortable and "pedo" sounding as that sentence implies. Also, what plot there is is pretty incoherent because of those three problems I mentioned before. It's literally like watching 4 different films.