#not too strange of a relationship though.. just the kind where i will force myself to like every single piece of harmonic art they make..

[tears-of-boredom]

im developing a strange relationship to this band and its vocalist. excited for uhh was it, Too Long, to come out though.

[skidtheperson]

Relationship Chart

So people have made SC relationship charts, so I decided why not make one myself

Template

[ Relations ]

Explanation below : [It is long]

Bobby Bearhug :

Picky is nice. She likes to go over and eat at her house every once and a while, even helping her make food sometimes! She's kind, but can be a bit rough at times... Catnap is strange, that's the best way she can put it. He's not bad! She knows he's not very talkative, so she doesn't force him to talk. She also makes sure he's ok with her daily hugs, though she can be forgetful. And when she can't sleep... He's. ALWAYS THERE. Crafty! Her best friend ever! First person she met actually! She LOVES giving her hugs and complimenting her on her art when she can. She's such a talented artist! Bubba can be a bit much sometimes, but she doesn't mind at all. She listens to him talk on, and then she can share info she knows! But... She's a bit worried though, knowing the elephant, he stays up very often. Why he stays up, she doesn't know... She just hopes he's ok. Hoppy... Oh Hoppy. Where does she start? She's always at her games to cheer her on, even if she loses, she's there to congratulate her on being so cool! She loves watching her run around, kick the ball, everytime she cheers when she scores... It makes her heart soar!! ❤ She knows it's love, but she doesn't know how to tell her. Kickin is cool too! Not as cool as Hoppy, but still epic nonetheless. She likes being friends with him and he's actually really good at the sports he does. Though that chicken can be a little dumb sometimes, oh well. Dogday! The leader! He's always so sunny and cheerful! She loves talking with him, giving him hugs galore! He's the one that likes the hugs the most. His fur is so soft, and he even helps her out with valentine's day presents for everyone. Who could ask for a better leader?

Picky Piggy :

Bobby is a nice gal. Always there to cheer someone up. Hell, she's helped with gardening, keeping the barn good, and baking/cooking goods. Though, she can be TOO touchy sometimes, she's trying her best to learn boundaries, so she isn't pushing too much. Catnap, she doesn't care too much about. She stays out of his way, he stays out of hers. He's weird, yes, but as long as she's not bothering him, he doesn't interact. The only time they Eben kinda talk is during group activities or when they need to sleep... Creepy. Crafty is kinda silly sometimes. She makes great art, yet never seems to understand that! She always thinks she can be better, but she's already good enough. Picky herself has tried to paint, but isn't the best. Bubba is nice to talk to. He rambles on sometimes, but never really is too annoying. She doesn't mind being around him. Although he has insisted she eat less, and she's tried, but it ain't easy when you're a pig known for eating. She just ain't the best at that. Kickin and Hoppy are very similar in many ways, the most notable being they're both sporty and energetic. She likes them, they're not bad, but they have tried getting her to do a bunch of sports she doesn't care about. She's told them, and they backed off, but they keep doing it, and it's a bit annoying. Though she finds the sibling rivalry they have funny. Dogday is very nice! He's always happy and go lucky, with a big grin, an idea, and an adventure. He's energetic, yes, but not to the point she is annoyed by him. He's always trying to make sure everyone is happy and having fun, and she likes that about him.

Catnap :

He hates them all. They're so.. FUCKING ANNOYING. They talk and talk, running around.. They even pull him along on their shitty adventures! And they're always asking him to help when they can't sleep. Oh how he wishes.. HOW HE WISHES HE COULD MAKE THEM SLEEP FOREVER TO DIE AND FADE AWAY INTO OBSCURITY! He can... He knows he can, the red gas was made to put people to sleep so that [REDACTED]. But something is stopping. Not something. SOMEONE. That damn, annoying, cheerful dog. What was his problem? He was always smiles, tail wags, and happy arua and.. He... Didn't know why, but it made him feel something other than rage and anger... Something that made his own tail sway and made him heat up. What was wrong with him, why was he like this? He hated it, but also liked it..? That canine is the only reason he's even staying, why he even joined... He hates it. He hates this feeling, he hates everything but that dog! Stupid dog. .... He knows this will all come to an end. They'll figure it out eventually, that elephant already is trying to, he knows he is. He can see the elephant staring at him, analyzing him. He's seen nights where he stays up, looking up and reading through books. If he wasn't stealthy, he would have been caught by now. He wants to put him to sleep, but the chicken always comes and does that for him. That's the only time he's thankful that elephant is gay. He doesn't have to worry too much. But, still... He has to stop this. He can't let them find out. And he knows how.

CraftyCorn :

Bobby is also so kind and nice. She comes over everyday, and everyday, Crafty shows her her art! Whether that be a new piece, a WIP, an updated version of the art before, Bobby didn't care. Bobby just always loved to see how she improved, and Crafty always loved getting compliments from her. All of these love and affection she was getting showered with resulted in her gaining a bit of a crush on the lovey bear. Picky is an interesting person to be around. She's always making goods, and always sharing them with the others. Though Picky leaves most of it for herself, Crafty still finds their friendship good. So yeah. Picky isn't the best painter, but she can always teach her! Catnap is nice. She was the first person Dogday introduced him to, since they're close friends, and she found him nice. Crafty would often show him her art, knowing the cat didn't care or mind. She didn't need words, just needed a head nod and a thumbs up. They don't talk, and Crafty doesn't mind. She likes to sit in silence while Catnap just stared at her art. Or at her. She didn't know, but he was always quiet, and she never minded. Bubba and her talk. He's always supportive of her, and she can proudly show her art to him. Like a dad! She comes up to him, he asks what she needs, and she shows him her art, which he compliments. He also gives feedback and comments about her art to help her improve, which she enjoys. He explains and teaches her things too, like math and science. He's gotten her art tools to help with her art. Hoppy is nice to be around. She's energetic, fun, and loves getting dirty and messy with her. But she can be a bit too energetic and fast, which she can't keep up with at times. But they're good friends! Kickin is a prankster, but also one of the coolest people she knows! He's always doing some cool and awesome stunt fearlessly, and she appreciates that about him! She's the polar opposite of him, shy, reserved, nervous... He's so cool, she just wishes she could be even the factor of awesome he is! She gained a crush on him a while back and confessed, but he politely turned her down since he did not feel the same way. But they're still good friends, nothing changed there. The crush eventually went away. Dogday, one of her best friends! He's always running around playing, and she loves to join in. He's always showing her affection and helps plan out her art contests. She and Dogday like to go on walks through the park, and Dogday talks while Crafty sketches what she sees. She likes being around him. Though Catnap always stares at her when she hugs Dogday when he's around. Whatever..

Bubba Bubbaphant :

Bobby is a very kind and caring person. Every time he's down in the dust, she comes along to try and make him feel better. Sure she can be a bit TOO clingy and touchy sometimes, so he has to tap her shoulder with his trunk, but she's still very sweet and motherly to everyone. Though he doesn't like it when she tries to play match maker since that isn't how the mind works you can't just put people together and make it work. Picky and him don't really have a relationship in his eyes. He's tried helping with her eating a bunch of food, but she eventually gives up, so he's instead advised her to eat healthy foods. He's still trying, but it's not that easy. Catnap. He doesn't know what that.. Thing is. It's a cat, yes, but he's not like them. That weird smoke he produces, the fact they are obsessed with it when he breathes it out... Begging for more, begging to sleep... And the weird thing is, the others are just... FINE WITH THIS? This isn't normal, HE'S NOT NORMAL. He's tried researching everything, day and night, best he's found so far is that California Poppy flowers have been known to help with sleep disorders, they're no where near California! Dogday should have never taken this cat in, it's driving him insane trying to figure out what the hell Catnap is. He doesn't want to admit it but. Catnap scares him. He hates him, and yet, he's scared to anger him. Something is wrong with that cat.. He... Maybe he just needs more s l e e p... Crafty is basically his daughter. She's always looking towards him for help or guidance on her art, and he agrees, teaching her about color theory and how to draw certain things. He even gets her art supplies and other tools on her birthday and other holidays. He loves seeing her improve and get better over time. It makes him happy. Hoppy and him don't really have a relationship, much like Picky. He is impressed with her skill and endurance while sporting, but they don't really talk to much. Kickin, the dare devil, and his amazing boyfriend. He's always there for his games, to watch him surf (and also make sure he doesn't wipe out), and all in all being a supportive boyfriend. Kickin is so crazy sometimes, and Bubba can't help but find that so cute and adorable. Especially when he first met the guy. Bubba wishes he could be as strong and brave as him, but he knows Kickin loves him being the nerdy and smart guy he is, so he wouldn't change that for the world. When Bubba is stressed out and on the brink of a breakdown, he will ring up Kickin, who will rush down and comfort the elephant. This is the same for the amount of nights he's spent staying up researching. Kickin will just go into his house, and if Bubba's still up, he's dragging him to bed to sleep. He fights back, but it falls on deaf ears as he snuggles with him. He loves him as much as can. Dogday was always someone he found interesting. His huge bursts of energy, excitement, and the want to make sure everyone is included intrigued him. He never knew how the dog had so much in him, but he never cared too much. It is nice to see he was happy as always at least. He's tried asking and telling him about Catnap and how maybe getting them addicted to the red smoke he produced is not good for them, but he always has to look on the bright side of everyone. It's a nice trait, but it's also detrimental when Catnap is most likely hurting them. He just wishes the dog wasn't so naive...

Hoppy Hopscotch :

She and Bobby always had a great relationship, finding comfort in one another. Bobby cheers her on at her matches with Kickin, and she helps Bobby work out. Though what shocked her the most about the nice, respectable, motherly bear is the sheer strength that women possesses. She thought she was strong, yet that women had muscle. She always found it hot though, so she can't complaining. Especially when she can get carried after a tough match. So she happily takes it. She can't wait to ask her out. Picky is nice. She makes amazing food, and she likes rough housing sometimes. Though while she tries to get Picky to work out and pay sports, the gal always turns down the favor, not liking to or wanting to, which she respects (for the most part). But she's still nice! She doesn't mind Catnap. They don't get to interact much, since she's always running around and he much rather sleep the whole day. The only times they interact is when she accidentally bumps into him while he's sleeping or when he's helping them with sleep. Catnap seems like a nice guy though! Crafty was fun to tease sometimes. The girl is always shy and jumpy, so it can be funny to prank her sometimes. Though she knows she can be very easily scared, so she always puts it on the low for her pranks. She also knows that she shouldn't make her mad... That didn't go well when she ACCIDENTALLY ruined one of the paintings she was working on.. Hoppy couldn't play soccer with a broken leg. But they're good friends, even after that! Bubba can be annoying at times, always talking about his science mumbo jumbo, whatever (no clue what the hell Kickin sees in him). It can get very boring very fast for her, she doesn't really care at all about it. But he's not a bad person, he's the one they go to for medical help when they get hurt after all. He's trained and knows much more than she ever could, so she respects him for that. She just wishes he wouldn't ramble on sometimes. Ah, Kickin! Her enemy and rival... Or well, brother. She and Kickin have been siblings for a long time now, ever since her parents found the small egg in a bush while walking, thus took him in. She grown attached, and ever since, they've been the sporty duo who fight to win. Even though he has WAY too much of an ego sometimes, he's a good brother and she wouldn't ever ask for anyone else. She loves to pull his leg and mess with the ego filled chicken, though sometimes it backfires on her. Like the time she started the "prank wars" with him. It resulted in both her and him getting scolded and being put in "time out" essentially. She and Dogday get along very well! He's the most energetic out of everyone, even Kickin, so getting to run around with him and play all sorts of fun hyperactive games really helps with all the energy she saves up. He also is really good at fetch, so they will often play it. Fun guy all around! No wonder he's the leader.

KickinChicken :

Bobby and him get along, she loves to just show him affection to the max, and he doesn't mind it. Except for sometimes when she just runs up to him and hugs him out of the blue. He doesn't like that. He also hates it when she just states hugging him without asking. Though she had tried to improve and stop doing that, which he likes. So she's not that bad! He doesn't mind Picky that much. He wished she would play sports with them more, but he can't force her. She makes food for their events, which he enjoys, so she's not that bad. But they just don't interact a lot. Catnap is ok. He helps them sleep when they can't, like a thundering night or after a nightmare, so the guy's cook. But Bubba had gone on rants about the guy and how something wasn't right about him, making him a little afraid or scared of the guy. Though Bubba could just be anxious and paranoid, so he's still giving Catnap the benefit of the doubt. Crafty is a sweet girl! Kind, shy, nervous, and a great artist! Though he overlooks the girl due to her quietness, he also sees her as a friend. He tries to teach her how to speak louder and be more assertive, but the poor woman can't bring herself to do so, thinking she'll come off mean and rude, no matter how much he reassures her. Her art is amazing, but she's so shy she couldn't even show him at first since she thought he was gonna find it childish and dumb. He wishes she could express herself more. Bubba! What a sweet gentleman. Always telling him new facts and things he found out, and when he sees a cool plant, that man will list off what plant it is, how to grow it, and what not. He also helps him when he gets hurt, which is often, so he's thankful for that. He's there to comfort him when he gets scared (which is easily) and make sure he's ok. He loves playing with Bubba's big floppy ears when he's stressed. It calms him down, and helps him relax. Anyways, both he and Bubba make mistakes, yes, like the time he and him had a small argument because he accidentally broke one of Bubba's favorite mugs, but he wouldn't love anyone else. He just loves snuggling into that guy. He couldn't get enough! He also always helps the other with his sleeping issues, since that poor guy has been staying up more often. So he goes over, drags him to bed, then cuddles with him under a weighted blanket. It helps Bubba fall asleep. He wishes he could stop staying up multiple nights, but he insists that it's for a reason and that he has to continue his research. But he'll continue to help him, no matter what. Hoppy, his sister, is a pain in the ass. But also his friend. She always teases him and messes with him just to spite him. She's been like that for years. He and her fight about random small things, and always try to beat and top the other in what they're doing, causing a competition between them. A constant battle basically. They're always at each other trying to be better than the other, whether that be in sport, baking, running, anything. Like siblings always do. She's a great big sister though, has helped him through tough times, and he can't be more grateful. Dogday is like that guy you always see around the block. Always running, always doing things, always happy and excited, and just a great guy overall. He goes to him when he needs to plan things with the group or ask him when an we went is happening. He also goes to him just to pay video games and fetch with him, since the dog loves that game. He's so sweet sometimes.

Dogday :

He finds everyone as his best friend! They're all nice to him and, as their leader, he must make sure everyone is happy and included! However, Bubba has been telling him that Catnap could be a danger to the group, and how the red smoke is causing problems for them, and how maybe Catnap isn't a good person... He doesn't understand though! Catnap is such a sweet, adorable, quiet kitty that sleeps a lot. There's nothing wrong with him, he thinks that at least. Speaking of which, Catnap. He's been having these strange happy feelings lately around him. His purring is calming, the way he yawns and curls back up is so cute, and when he's all sleepy and tired.. He's just a ball of adorableness! Is that a word? He doesn't know. But it's how Catnap is! He just wants to give him all the kisses in the world! He's talked with Bobby about the feelings, and she says it's love. He's not sure yet though if it is love or not. Maybe he just... Really likes his best friend! That's it. Maybe...

[gooselycharm]

hi there! i'd just like to say that your kris and noelle "something else" comic has been driving me insane /pos and i'd love to hear more of your thoughts on those two!! their relationship is one of my favorite things in deltarune and your comic just got everything about them so right 🙏

thank you for reading "something else"! oh man, [more of] my thoughts on kris+noelle.... i sure got some of those.

this was one of the first tweets i made after finishing chapter 2 nearly... freaking 2 years ago. and basically i've just been saying that over and over again in different ways because i'm still not tired of the concept yet and probably wont ever be LOL. i'm obsessed with how badly the narrative wants to force them into an easily categorizable dynamic, especially the romantic one in snowgrave. the literal THORN RING, the more possessive dialogue options, spamton calling noelle a side chick LOL... it all creates this unnerving visual novel bad end atmosphere that feels manufactured by someone who's only ever learned about romance through secondhand sources. they're two queer teens trying to navigate their changing relationship with the only role models they know being their parents' own failed heterosexual marriages. they're so divorced² (divorced children of divorce).

i also like that for being so tragically doomed coded they can be funny! both in a dark humor way and also like, genuinely funny, like the stories of them as kids with kris covering themselves in ketchup and hiding under noelle's bed lmao. i mean there's even something funny about the romantic trappings of the snowgrave route, like trying to put wedding cake embellishments on a crime scene... you know, funny like kids trying on their parents clothes but they're too big and for some reason they're also crying and covered in blood? um.

i'm also SOOOO interested to see how snowgrave will continue in chapter 3! i really liked the hopeful note chapter 2 ended on (well. i took it as hopeful anyway). there's that bit where noelle is talking to herself and she says something like "recently kris has been acting so strange and no one else has noticed... i have to figure out why" and then kris jumpscares her LOL but i think i took that one line and really ran with it. noelle really is the one who knows kris best and despite how scared she is, she's still determined to help them... i like the little subversion of victim/hero going on, the implication that kris might be the one who needs rescuing.

the additional story/lore that came with the spamton sweepstakes made me CRAAAZYYYYY like my GOD... it's cute that noelle likes glitches/creepypasta when kris is kinda a walking creepypasta <3 also, god, noelle falling asleep listening to kris playing piano in the other room... there's so much like. wistfulness and nostalgia and this like... distant/detached intimacy packed into how noelle narrates that scene. it's kind of funny how much there is to dig into when like on a surface level they're just fairly regular childhood friends who grew apart LMAO they're extremely deep to me okay...

on another note i guess i do ship them? i like their dynamic whether it's platonic or romantic (the best is a weird mix of both 👍). it just can't be boring LOL like... this is one ship where trying to apply cookie cutter tropes to them really falls flat and the game is ahead of you on that anyway. in terms of romantically shipping them, i honestly don't think they're doomed to repeat patterns forever... i think they could actually be good for each other! but that's not really the aspect of their relationship that interests me akldjf;alk;sdg maybe i will make 60 page comic of kriselle going to couples counseling some other time

ANYWAY i'm going to cut myself off here, because i really could go on forever lol. i'll give you some links for further reading though

hellspawnmotel's deltarune art

lula pillowbug99's deltarune art

this art by raspbearis which features prominently in my internal kriselle bible

my own unfinished kriselle playlist

my own essay on gender & allegory in deltarune if for some reason u are not tired of hearing me talk yet

okay bye now & thanks again for reading my comic!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[no-gram]

eng voice drama beginning of creation

Contains unstable translations

Ai: Here you go. Tsuguha. Tsuguha:Oh, Administrator! Oh…uh…okay! It's okay. Tsuguha was so nervous that she came too early. We tend to arrive at our destination well before the appointment. Well, hello again, isn't it…? Ai: Yes. Hello. Well, yes… for the time being. My job is to get to know everyone, so can you give us a brief introduction? Tsuguha: Well…I'm Tsuguha. The rest is…um… Ai:……… Tsuguha:I don't really have anything to introduce…sorry. Ummm…oh! Well…perhaps it would be better to answer the Administrator's question. Ai: Questions, questions. I can't think of anything… should have come up with a better story… Tsuguha:Haha, I understand. I understand that feeling. Ai: What should I talk about with someone I just met for the first time? I have no idea. I wonder if it's because of my memory deficit. Tsuguha: …I think you will learn a lot from now on. So you will be fine. I don't think you need to worry. Ai: Hmm, can you say the same thing if I try to solve the problem with violence? Tsuguha: Then I would cry and call someone else. Ai: That's good to know. Until I learn to communicate with someone other than force, your safety is not guaranteed. Tsuguha:At least I will learn how to protect myself.

Ai: Let's get back to the question. Well, let's see… How is life here? Tsuguha:It's not bad, it's different from where I've been, but it's not a bad environment. Ai: Yes. What kind of places have you been before? Tsuguha:It's normal, I guess. I haven't really thought about it. I think it's more normal than solitary confinement. Ai:That's true. So what is your relationship with the other prisoners? Tsuguha: I'm not sure. It's difficult to verbalize. I think everyone is at least kind to me. Ai: You look like you mean something. Is something wrong? Tsuguha:No, I'm sorry if I worried you. There is no problem. I mean, there's nothing too much going on. Ai: I think it's fine if it's peaceful… Tsuguha:I think this is a sign. Administrator. It's the calm before the storm, isn't it? Ai: Are you saying that something is going to happen? Tsuguha:I can't say for sure. Everyone who was so insistent at the beginning has suddenly become quiet. And yet the group is complete. I think this situation is a bit strange. Ai: I see. It's my fault for taking so much time to prepare and not monitoring the group properly. If they form a gang, I'm sure I won't be able to win, so I should at least keep an eye on them. Tsuguha: It won't be like a gang, but the nuance is correct. That's all for now. I don't think it's something for Tsuguha to worry about, so I'll leave the rest to the Administrator. Ai: Thanks for all the input. You are very observant. And you are polite, and your phrasing seems wise. Tsuguha:I am honored by your compliments. Is it because of the environment? I think I am good at observing situations. It is natural to be good at politeness, too. Ai: Well, I guess there are only older people around me now. It might be natural for you to be so. Tsuguha:Yes, it is true that I am good at it now. But it is not limited to now. I was born and raised in a place where there are many adults, so maybe I am mature in my own way. I think I am still a child, though.

Ai: I think it's time to move on to something else. Tsuguha:Yes. But there's nothing we can really talk about… Ai:Okay. Then can I ask you something else that's on your mind? Tsuguha:Yes. I said it would be helpful if you asked me a question first. Ai:Have you been asking me how I'm doing? Tsuguha:What? Ai: I'm sure he doesn't mean to hurt you. You seem to be watching me to see what I will say. I guess you are good at observing. I think she was sympathizing with me when I was having a hard time making conversation with you. Tsuguha:……Yes. I really don't like to be rude to my superiors. So I'm trying to figure out in my head what to speak and I'm trying desperately to capture what the Administrator said. I only said I understand earlier, but I'm doing my best to cut conversation cards in my head. Ai: You read the atmosphere too much. Tsuguha:I think so myself. First of all, I think you adapt too much. A normal child would probably scream and cry if brought to a place like this and interrogated. But that doesn't make it any less painful, even if the conversation with the Administrator is tasteless. It's rather helpful. Ai: Looks like you saved me this time too. I'll have to think about our conversation before next time. I found something to reflect on. Tsuguha: I'm glad to hear that. I'll try to prepare a script next time so that I can tell more about myself. Huh, even so. It would have been nice to be more, well, rebellious. Ai: If you feel that way, it would be a good thing to change. I don't want to be so rebellious as to add to my duties, but you are certainly too accepting of the situation. I mean, I could say that about all prisoners. At least you can still change, right? You are still young and full of hope for the future. Tsuguha: Hmmm… Ai: Did I say something funny? Tsuguha:No, sorry. Hope for the future, right? It's interesting. From my point of view, I think the Administrator is also full of hope for the future. You are young, aren't you, Administrator? Ai: I hope so. It's going to be a long time from now. Ai: I hope so, it would be nice to know if there is hope or not. Tsuguha:I'm glad I could talk to the Administrator like this. Tsuguha: Have you become at least as good as you can hope to be? Ai: You don't have to be so down on yourself. I think I gained a lot of knowledge from talking with you. Even if it's only a little, it's a good thing. I wish I could have been an adult who could have been a role model for you.

[bell tolling]

Tsuguha: What's this? Ai: I think it's time to go. Sigh. I wish I had a better handle on this. Not being familiar is no excuse for not doing my job. Tsuguha:Tsuguha doesn't mind that much. Others may complain about your laziness at work. Please do your best. Ai: Yeah, I'll do it. If other prisoners complain, what should I do then? Tsuguha:Administrator, at least violence is not good. It doesn't sound like a joke when you say it… Ai: Thanks for the lesson. I'm going to have to go learn how to communicate… Oh, before we finish, do you have any questions? Tsuguha: Questions, questions… ah! I forgot to tell you something important. Ai: What? It's not too late. Tsuguha:I thought it was a strange verdict. It's a good option to absolve me of my crime. Ai. No matter what happens, please consider me as evil. Otherwise, you will be hurt.

[yanderes-galore]

Could you do your prompts 22, 34, and 41 for Jay (Ninjago)?

Sure! Thank you everyone who helped me put together the plot :) This is another kidnapping aftermath fic.

Here's his yandere concept to have a better idea of how I write him!

Yandere! Jay Walker Prompts 22, 34, 41

"They never loved you. Only I love you."

"No one else understands me except you!"

"I made this mark on myself to show you how much I love you!"

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Reckless/Self-destructive behavior, Obsession, Delusional yandere, Jealousy, Possessive behavior, Only Jay thinks you're in a relationship, Kidnapping, Manipulation, Scar mention, Forced relationship, Intimacy implied near the end.

Love makes some do irrational things. That statement rings true to someone like Jay. Except to him... every action for you is rational.

To Jay no one else matters but you and his love for you. This belief of his makes him perform recklessly. If something makes him look heroic, if you see him as someone who can protect you, it doesn't matter what he goes through.

Every scar he has... every wound on his skin... it's all meant for you. Most of it was actually avoidable danger. Yet he threw himself into it just to impress you.

Jay feels he does so much for you. Who cares if the others think he's lost it! He's happy to do anything for you if it means you'll love him.

... so why do you bother hanging out with the other ninja?

If you love him... why do you listen to them and not him? How come you don't trust him? He loves you more than them....

The idea of you not loving him is too much for his delusions...

So he decides he'll just have to show you how much he cares.

----

Cord digs into your skin, the restraints clearly tied tight enough to leave a rash. You struggle against the chair your body has been sat in. Although your moments freeze when someone skips through the door, a smile on their face.

"There you are, baby! I see you're awake~!" The blue ninja greets in a sing-song tone. His eyes hold a strange form of adoration towards you. Even though he was the one who tied you to a chair far as you know....

You struggle more in your restraints, grunting under your breath while Jay comes closer. He looks giddy as he holds your face in his hands. In fact, his gaze is deranged.

"I felt if I brought you here we could have some more privacy while we talk!" Jay chirps. Where exactly here was is unknown to you. "Your behavior around the others has been worrying to me...."

Your behavior? This was coming from Jay, the one the others have been warning you about. He used to be your friend, all sweet and kind around if not a bit nervous. Now he's literally the one who has kidnapped you.

The others were right about him... he's dangerous.

"I'm starting to think you don't love me..." Jay says in a soft tone, a hint of sadness in his voice. "Please tell me that isn't true...?"

You say nothing and note the slight panic on Jay's face.

"Wait, come on, baby! No one else understands me except you!" Jay pleads, letting of you for just a moment so he can steady himself. "Haven't I proven myself enough? Hang on..."

You evade your gaze then you see him move up his shirt to point to one of his scars. There's a... concerning amount of them. You find yourself feeling bad until you remind yourself of your situation.

"Look! Right here!" Jay jabs at his skin and you find yourself flinching. "I made this mark on myself to show you how much I love you!" He then sees your face and clears his throat. "It happened while I was protecting you... because I love you and I KNOW you love me too!"

Jay appears to be breathing heavier than normal. He studies you uncomfortable face for a moment before making an expression like he just realized something. His gaze grows darker....

"Oh... I get it..." Jay says through gritted teeth. "The others must've told you lies about us, huh?"

You finally find your voice. However, talking to Jay in such an emotional state proves to be a difficult task.

"What lies?"

"That they love you more than me! That I'm trying to hurt you and that you don't actually love me!" Jay snaps, grabbing the back of the chair so both of his arms are by the sides of your head. "Don't tell me you believe that crap!"

You shrink in your seat, feeling Jay's warm breath fan against your face. His gaze never leaves you. Even when he slide downwards to kneel against you, he can't stop looking at you.

"They never loved you. Only I love you." Jay says in a huff, reaching out to gently caress your cheek. You try to pull away from the touch but he holds you still. "That's why I brought you here in private." He smiles, eying your lips. "I wanted to show you how much I care."

"Jay, you're not-"

He leans closer, keeping you both at eye level. You try to turn you head away but Jay only shushes you before whispering in your ear.

"Even if they told you not to love me... I'm sure I can rekindle it between us. Just relax, I'll be gentle for you."

Your heart falls into your gut the moment your lips meet his, your fear muffled by passion.

[good-beanswrites]

I DM'd you a passage from the tarot cards fic. Director's commentary, please? ^_^

Ahh this was so fun, thank you so much!! Overexplaining details in a scene my beloved >:3

I wrote all my headcanons and assumptions as if they're facts to save myself from adding "I like to think" to the beginning of every sentence, but just know that I'm aware they don't have canon backing lol. Also my commentary mentions Fuuta and Mikoto's relationship, but the whole fic is pretty vague with it. I love keeping things at the stage of comfortable kindness, where it's easy for the reader to take things both platonically and romantically depending on what headcanons they're bringing to it. It's not necessarily catering to readers since I enjoy both interpretations -- I wrote it with both in mind, and I'll reread it differently depending on the day.

(From What's that Yugioh quote about cards)

“I'm doing this to show you how these readings are just crap. Now. First card.” [Fuuta] flipped it without any of the theatrics Mikoto had enjoyed. “Hm.” He squinted at the strange picture and read the title. “We’ve got a Four of Cups.” 

Fuuta kind of did want to cheer Mikoto up, but doesn’t like how sentimental it sounds to think of it like that. Even if he did admit to himself that’s what he was doing, he wouldn’t know how to comfort him in a nice way, so he’s just picking a distracting activity and hoping it works. Also this spread was actually drawn by me irl! I had to modify one card in Fuuta’s (not telling which one though, hehe). I did consider having Mikoto draw the Hanged Man as his last card, but that felt too forced and cheesy lol

“Reversed Four of Cups,” Mikoto said before turning his gaze to the ceiling. 

“Reversed? It’s right side up to you.”

“You’re doing a reading for me?”

“Duh?” 

It might seem obvious that Fuuta was doing a reading for him given the setup/dialogue, but from Mikoto’s pov, no one’s ever done that before. In all the years he’s been doing tarot, people really just focus on their own future and how to learn tarot for their own activities. No one’s thought to do a reading for him. He’s more surprised than touched right now, though, because of how tired he is. It’ll really hit him later that night, when he realizes that this was the first time someone did that for him. 

Mikoto bit back a comment that he should have gotten to touch the cards, if that were the case. He didn’t feel like getting into it with Fuuta right now, no matter how playful a matter it may be.

Mikoto (and Yuno) are the type who don’t take Fuuta's attitude personally. They can enjoy the back-and-forth of bickering for hours without it exhausting them. Even though Mikoto didn’t experience much during the interrogation, he’d be emotionally tired out in general. Plus, I picture the process of extracting videos to be physically taxing. Something that invades and activates your neurons would definitely leave you pretty wiped afterwards. (<- girl who has too many thoughts about how the mv machine works but will spare you the explanation)

“So… it looks like in the past… you had a lot of cups… and got a weird one from the sky. Are you religious?”

“Huh? Not really.”

“Not God then. I don’t fucking know where it came from. Maybe it’s a ‘life gives you lemons’ thing. You got too much on your plate?”

Mikoto stayed silent.

I messed myself up in this upcoming section because I was too excited about figuring out the card meanings in relation to Mikoto. I should have just looked at them as they were and guessed the meanings the way that Fuuta might. It was difficult having just read this card’s specific meaning and then trying to put myself in the shoes as someone who didn’t know it😂 I left and came back to this section a lot, I wrote the fic over a few months in between other things. It helped dull my memory on the actual meaning and get into Fuuta's character more.

Also I’m adding “life gives you lemons” to the list of phrases I use in my fics knowing it’s an English phrase/idiom they definitely wouldn't use, but I liked its exact connotation so I kept it in. It's cliche and informal and someone like Fuuta would be sick of hearing it from adults. He'd know Mikoto feels the same. I debated on giving Fuuta more lines about religion here – I do think he’s starting to consider it more at this point in time – but decided it brought the fic too off-course from where I wanted it.

“Whatever. Next card… the present. This one’s upside down to you. A knight – hey, I got a knight, too, remember?”

Fuuta actually does know that the specific term is “reversed,” Mikoto just said it, but doesn’t want to seem like he cares so he doesn't use the term. Still, he doesn’t really know how being reversed changes the meaning, so he interprets the picture normally. 

Mikoto blinked. He did remember – he was shocked that Fuuta did. That reading had ended on such a sour note all those months ago. He didn’t think the other had given it another moment of thought. There came the tiniest surge of pride that Fuuta had committed it to memory.

I wanted to play around more with memory here but could never get it to work!!! Fuuta doesn’t really have any themes around memory so it wasn’t that notable that he remembered. Mikoto’s memory has holes specifically around stressful events, so it’s not impressive he remembered, either. So… despite having the perfect opportunity to talk about cool insights/emotions, it simply wasn’t a big deal -_- It still works to reveal that they both care a lot about each other, which is why I left it as is. It was a brief moment months ago, but both held onto the memory all this time.

“Damn, another cup. Well, if it does mean life keeps throwing stupid shit at you, then yeah, this prison has been the stupidest shit of them all.”

Fuuta picked up the final card. He let out a laugh. It was something mocking, but it tickled Mikoto. “Heh, you sure are a fool. That’s some outfit. Still better than yours right now.” He flicked the card at Mikoto’s chest, where it bounced off his mangled uniform. 

As someone who is completely endeared by Fuuta’s awful laugh, I think Mikoto wouldn’t mind either if it sounded teasing/cruel. Especially after all the pain Fuuta’s been through T2, Mikoto probably didn’t hear him laugh in a very long time, and the sound can be contagious. I always wonder about Mikoto's uniform... was like that from his fight with Kotoko, or just from John wrecking his room? Is it like that all of T2, or does Es gives him a replacement? I felt like he would be cleaned up by the time his interrogation rolled around, but his album art is just as much of a mess, so I guess ratty uniform it is...

Mikoto retrieved the card. He sat up as he returned it to the spread. He studied them. 

Mikoto was enjoying Fuuta’s version of the cards, but didn’t have the energy to read them along with him. This is the first time he taps into his own knowledge of the tarot meanings and realizes what a good spread it actually is. I wanted to linger here in this moment more, but everything I wrote became too “telling.” As the fic was from Mikoto’s pov, I felt like I’d need to take the reader through what he was thinking about in the silence. That ended up defeating the purpose of the peaceful moment lol

He allowed himself a small smile. “So,” he asked, “what’s it all mean?”

Fuuta scowled. “I just told you what it meant.”

“No, now you look at the big picture.” Mikoto shook his head. “You left before I could finish your reading, but you’re supposed to look at everything together and make a plan for the future. I… I still remember yours. I was going to tell you to mind your emotions, and prepare for a big change coming quickly. But uh…” he rubbed the back of his neck. “Guess it’s a little late for that, huh?”

“A little.”

Once again wishing I could do more with memory given that Mikoto still remembers Fuuta’s exact reading after so many months, and once again leaving it as a testament to his relationship with Fuuta. I can only hope it speaks for itself when looking at the fic normally ;--; I still haven’t decided if that last line from Fuuta should be read as an angry snap or a disappointed whisper. He’s still very bitter about his situation, and the fact that Mikoto is telling him to ‘mind his emotions’ and reminding him of his pain are enough to make him lash out. At the same time, maybe bringing it all up makes him recognize that his hot temper did caused him harm, several times. He can hear how genuinely Mikoto speaks, and feels guilty for treating him so harshly then. I go back and forth depending on my own mood…

“So, to finish off my reading, what advice do you give me based on these?” 

Fuuta made a show of rolling his eyes and huffing, as if this hadn’t been his idea to begin with.

My favorite way to write Fuuta is having him do something nice, and then immediately get mad at the other person because suddenly he’s embarrassed about it.

 “This is so lame. My advice…?” He jabbed a finger at The Fool. “Don’t do anything fucking stupid in the future.”

I originally wrote out a bit of a longer speech of advice, with Fuuta mentioning how he knows school/work can be overwhelming, and this prison is overwhelming, and not to do anything in the future because there are people relying on him. Fuuta was relying on him. It was a bit vulnerable and finally explicitly mentioned his feelings towards Mikoto. I read it back, heaved a sigh, said “he wouldn’t fucking say that,” and cut it down to just this line 👍I'm not too disappointed, though, since Mikoto can see right through Fuuta (both with his people skills and the fact that Fuuta is very obvious about his emotions). Anything he would have confessed, Mikoto already knows.  

Mikoto looked from him to the cards, then back again.

“...That’s it?”

“What more do you want?” Fuuta raised his voice, and Mikoto found it in him to laugh. 

Mikoto also hasn’t laughed (genuinely) all of T2 :( This one starts off kind of forced – he had to “find it in him” to play along with the way a conversation is supposed to go. But it feels natural once he does, and the next time I mention his attitude he feels “back to his old self.” In this moment he’s considering antagonizing Fuuta by teasing his advice, asking for more, or just poking at his temper. He chooses not to. Instead of avoiding their bickering because he’s tired, he cuts Fuuta a break because he’s really grateful for the kind gesture.

“Alright, alright, I’ll take it.”

[cmkren]

“You say I want to be Your Girlfriend! It wasn’t really in my plans…”

— girlfriend; Hemlocke Springs

;Usagi Yuzuha x Fem + AFAB! Reader hcs

Usagi relationship headcanons where you two are both silly and goofy— that’s it, that’s the post. Basically how you two get together! Romance blossoming in the Borderlands, what a strange turn of events…

a/n; i am coping rn cause i have a maths chapter test in like 9 hours and i am not prepared im so bad at math. Anyways this is just gonna be some fluff. ♥️♥️♥️ very messy post because im super tired tho,,,

So… who’d be the first one to confess? 🤔

Read to find out !! 😋

Jk its kinda both of you but mainly Usagi

You two would probably meet early on, maybe in the tag game where the two of you catch each other’s eye and agree to travel together <3

You’d be there by Usagi’s side as you both live day by day, and when you find the sweaty lookin’ guy from the Tag game lying on the ground all depressed you two kind of take him in

Like

You two mama birds just kinda adopt the guy

Usagi ends up taking care of most of the hunting while you do mostly everything else

You’re the one who tries to force feed Arisu even when he refused it

Usagi kept you from choking the poor guy.

Y’all are basically tied at the hip tho

Which also soon includes Arisu

(But you n Usagi are closer shh dont tell him that)

Things pretty much stay the same between you two until y’all arrive at The Beach (cue thunder strike)

With this whole sort of place that seems like it was capable of running actual electricity and shit you wanted to do smth special!!

“Do you think we can use their kitchen?!”

“Y/N we’re literally duct taped to chairs right now.”

“She’s got a point though Usagi— I’m kinda craving like… cookies.”

That was the small talk the three of you had before the whole dramatic intro of the Beach and its top goobers

After that whole shenanigan, you and Usagi insist on sharing the same room

It was just a lot more comfortable for the two of you

This place gave you the creeps ngl

That meant a lot of late night talks

Well, as many as y’all got before shit hit the fan again

You two always talked about what you’d do when you finally get to leave. Visit each other every day, maybe even get a place together? Usagi couldn’t bare to live in her old place ever since her father disappeared

You knew everything about that as well

Just from the few months you two shared together, you guys knew a lot about each other

You even promised her that you’d help her get back into climbing

Maybe indoor climbing first for you though

The more you two spent time with one another though, the more the two of you caught yourself… lingering

Whether it be longing looks or touches, it’d always be done subconsciously and end up with someone a little flustered

Arisu caught on though and asked wtf was going on

You, of course, blew him off

After the hearts game though, you two immediately ran for each other

Both battered and bruised, you clung to her as she scanned you over for anything that might have been fatal

Usagi cries out in relief to see that you’re okay

“Where were you? Where were you? What would I do with myself if I lost you too? What would I do? I can’t lose a person I love—”

That made you sit up.

“You— you love me?”

Usagi couldn’t help but let out a choked smile to see that incredulous expression on your face

Well she can’t really deny it, can she?

You could only hug her tighter with tears welling in your eyes, the pain of everyone that’d been slaughtered would only remain in all of you forever but maybe the seeds of healing had already been planted for you two as you pressed a kiss against her cheek

You two were peas in a pod.

You protected those you loved, worked together to achieve your goals

And when Usagi struggled to understand why going back to the real world would be any better than the world they were forced to fight to live in, you couldn’t understand

But you tried to

The strong woman you’d grown so used to seeing so level headed hid in your arms as she held back tears

Listening to every pained doubt, choked out words

You were there for her

And no doubt, she’d hold you taut against her whenever you needed it too.

You helped Usagi get over her doubts and fears of returning to the living world, ensuring her that she wouldn’t be alone in dealing with her troubles

And that— not if— but when you two return, you’ll celebrate like you’ve never before

[bronze-bell]

(The border appears scratchy, yet there is something winding around, softer, as if to keep such things from going too far. The letter's ink is black, the paper tinged with blotches of watercolor at the sides that blur the border further.)

Dear Victor Grantz,

It's good to know that the two of you were involved in reading these letters. I'll have to be more conscious of my delivery timings, especially for more... sensitive things.

It helps that this place brings people back, and with any condition comes the recovery period. Certainly, there are... many unpleasant ways for one to meet one's end. I'm glad this experience was... not one of those, by the sound of it. I have so, so many questions.

Don't worry about it, however your voice comes out, I quite enjoy it. When you know the pain of not having the ability to live expressing your own voice, you learn to value the chances you get to share your own and hear others in return. I... feel confident in the case we're all lonely, given what I know. But we have each other now, don't we?

I... see. I don't want to ask too many questions, especially since Aesop has also told me very little and I doubt prying would do much good for any of us, but the limited information I do have... Aesop told me how nervous he was about everything. How afraid he was that he'd mess something up, make you hate him. He said other things I don't understand due to my lack of knowledge in embalming, of course, but it's evident he cares a lot about making sure you're okay, as comfortable as possible. I'm glad his fears did not come to fruition. I've sent a response reassuring him. Maybe a third party telling him it's okay will help.

None out of the three of us expected this, then. I... suppose knowing us, I shouldn't be surprised we were caught off guard by how fast this all happened. I shouldn't be so worried I'm glad you two get along so well. I won't pretend I've had the chance to experience these kinds of relationships myself, but I've seen plenty and heard enough people gossip about their partners that I have... a picture. You two wouldn't do that, though. If either of you do... I cannot guarantee I'll take it well.

Of course I enjoy our conversations. I truly feel like we're both a part of this, as opposed to an unbalanced mess where only one person steals the spotlight. If you need someone to advise where to place your bets, I'll be here. Who knows if the dice are loaded in some tables.

Sincerely,

Frederick

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The letter set is mostly plain pale red, with small darker stars printed on both the paper and envelope encasing it. It's a pleasing set of shades, bleeding into each other in contrast to black writing that stands out quite easily.

[Dear Frederick,

It probably shouldn't be a problem if people find out we're talking, per se (although I'd still like to avoid that prospect if I can), I'm mostly just worried about if they find out what we're talking about.

If you have questions, maybe you could ask us in person? I'm honestly glad as well. Death being temporary here eases a lot of my worries, truthfully. I hope if I get stuck in a painful loop forever that you'll at least try to save me... There is definitely a recovery period, I'll say that. Partial paralysis, and a very uncomfortable coldness. Next time I'll prepare a blanket in advance.

It's... Admittedly strange having someone to talk to. Even as "a mute who can speak" there was definitely not a lot of talking even before they It's very nice. I like talking to both of you a lot. Thank you for not forcing me to making me speak verbally, I've never been good at it. We have eachother. It's wonderful.

It's very sweet of you to assure him. The secret of him telling you these things is safe with me. I didn't know how worried he was, but I suppose it's understandable. It's always It must be nerve wracking to kill someone, especially someone you care about so much. With his anxiety, I did expect something like this. It's very considerate of him. If I see him I'll tell him how kind he is again.

It's okay to be worried, things do seem to be happening very fast. We are not "partners" though, to be clear. I don't think I could fall in love that fast romantically, although I could and have platonically. I have also seen many... marriage disputes, in my line of work, so I know exactly where you're coming from here.

I trust both of you tremendously, I feel like you need to know that. They said I was too loyal and I think they're right I am glad we can all have our turn in this play of life. Please don't leave me or hurt me of die like s

I'm sorry. I don't know what's coming over me today. I'm certainly lonely, aren't I? Thank you for being patient with me so far. It's more than I'd ever ask of you.

Kindest regards, Postman.]

[kopivie]

i think what makes violet so comfortable falling into the boyfriend role is the fact that i'm not pressuring him to actually be a boyfriend. if anything, i'm keeping him at arm's length to avoid that. it's a weird push-and-pull dynamic we have going on where we meet each other halfway with our feelings with one another, but i pull back whenever i feel myself getting too immersed in it. violet would then push a little further, do a little more, but pull back when he finds himself locking into a role he doesn't want.

in his head, the title of "boyfriend" is stifling. which i kind of understand. he's the kind of guy that just wants to do his own thing, explore his interests and pursue his dreams unhindered. and i respect that! i feel the exact same way, except the both of us sincerely want a connection. we seek solace in one another, but there's... a strange disconnect.

i personally want the security that comes with the label of a relationship but he doesn't want the label altogether. which i get. and i'm not going to force it on him. i never will. he just thanked me for it as i'm typing this, actually.

it's the word that scares him, not the reality. because during our date, he immediately started making plans to see me often while i was away at school. he talked about "in the future" as far as helping me improve my health and eating habits go, and he... seemed to see a future with me. so it's not like he doesn't want me, he just doesn't want to feel weighed down by the title.

so... let's fucking go, i guess? i'm in a relationship and i couldn't be happier. at the end of the day, violet is the reason why i wrote fanfiction so earnestly. he's my first love -- we met when we were kids, and we even mentioned it before that we had several "right person, wrong time" moments. the time is finally right. (even though i'm going away for school, lol.)

tl;dr: cinna's in love. 🥰

[ashtraythief]

This is kinda a weird question, but isn’t it strange that we all love fan fiction and reading romantic plot lines in them and smut and all of this but our favorite show is Supernatural, which is just this story about platonic love? I think that really drew me to the show, I’ve never seen a show that focused so heavily on platonic love, not romantic, and made that the same focus of the entire show. It’s so lovely to see. Did that draw you into the show too?

Ah, yeah. Fandom and their endless quest to make everyone bang and/or fall in love (which I say lovingly, because so do I). And I don't think it's a weird question at all.

Honestly, I started watching Supernatural for very shallow reasons. It was recommend in the “ridiculously attractive people” category of a streaming site :D The pilot was way too scary for me though and so I quit again. But then a while later, I was watching Leverage on TNT and that ep was followed by Playthings. We left the TV running and I just… got sucked into it. Obviously, I had no idea about the context, only remembered the pilot vaguely, but boy did I fall in love immediately. With them, their relationship, the humor, the love and I went right back to the beginning and forced myself to put on my big girl pants and suffer through the scary eps (yes, yes, I know, they’re not that scary, I’m a wuss) and I was so gone on them, it was ridiculous. So yeah, it was the abscence of romance i guess, because I did fall in love with their relationship. In which Playthings truly is a magnificent gem even among the riches of season two.

I think if Sam and Dean’s relationship were romantic (if they were an unrelated het couple because let’s be real, nothing else would have been on network TV seventeen years ago), I think I would have been almost as enamored. Though I don’t know how to build a relationship like that without their past. It would have needed to be grown up together in some kind of way. I think their relationship would be compelling either way, but it is definitely more compelling for not being romantic. For one I think because romance is the default setting for the all-encompassing, soulmate-type relationships, and also because it’s just so unusual? Like even for one of those fated soulmate romance stories, Sam and Dean are still weirdly intense. They’re just more. Unhealthy, codependent, whatever you want to call it, but it makes for good stories. And I think that’s beautiful.

As for why we make wincest…. Well, the shallow reason is that they’re both beautiful men and it’s fun to imagine them bang. And sometimes you gotta be shallow. But also it just seems…. logical. They want to share everything (they do almost share everything, I mean consider what they know about each other’s sex lives and how they enable each other, like Dean wanting Sam to get laid to cheer him up or Sam wanting to drag Dean to a strip club to cheer him up, like they know sexy times can make you feel better and since they can’t provide that themselves they try to find ways to at least facilitate the happy-making sexy times), they are incredibly intimate anyway, there are many instance where they are jealous of romantic partners/friends and there is an exclusive claim on the other that’s rarely relinquished. Honestly, sex is probably the only facette of an intimate interpersonal relationship that’s not covered due to the whole being related thing, but fandoms love to break taboos and explore all sorts of boundaries in transformative works, and wincest is truly the most low hanging fruit of them all. It’s right there. Dancing out of reach. The show itself plays with it, both as jokes when people mistake them as a gay couple or when Sam and Dean use couple-coded language for each other, like when Dean asks if Sam wants a divorce when they’re fighting. They also made actual wincest shippers canon. Like, I was an innocent brofan of the show when I saw The Monster at the End of the Book, and bam, wincest in my brain, like a lightbulb went off and it took up residence there because it just made so much sense. In more serious themes, other characters comment on how special or twisted their relationship is, both friends and villains alike, they sell their soul for each other (or at least try to in Sam’s case), they do or attempt to do unspeakable things to save each other, they are canon soulmates, they have an extensive repertoire of love language and love acts to show their love for and knowledge of each other, they have a whole you-are-the-most-important-thing-ever thing that goes down in a fucking church, I mean, the show makes it abundantly clear that Sam and Dean are it for each other. And so I think that it’s very natural that people go with the wincest. Even though we have to take the incest hurdle, but hey, fantasy is for the dark, transgressive stuff, right? 

At the same time, it is refreshing that the show doesn’t center romance when almost all other shows do, and I think it’s one of the reasons people do enjoy it. And once you have the magic of Sam and Dean, whether you ship wincest or not, you don’t want them to mess with that so you want the non-romance thing to stay (unless you want a certain ship to go canon of course). In conclusion, wincest just makes sense, on every level really and we just creatively want to explore that in fun ways while keeping what’s great about canon in the show. The true art of shipping, I think.

[cheerfulmelancholies]

Masterlist

Profile pic by @annama-art

About me: I love reading/writing and at any given moment I have too many projects circling through my head. I've loved to read for as long as I can remember and I've enjoyed writing things for that same amount of time. I also love video games and motorcycling, so if I'm not working on a wip I'm usually doing one of those two.

I'm not currently published, but I have a handful of original stuff I've been working on as well as fanfic. Some of my favorite tropes to read are found family, action/suspense, angst, horror/supernatural and slice-of-life. I tend to write very light sci-fi, action, supernatural, angst (though usually with a happy, if not bittersweet, ending) and occasionally somewhat comedic stuff. Sometimes, sometimes, I make shit get dark. I struggle with writing mystery and heavy romance, though I've been experimenting with the latter. A lot of my characters have somewhat sad backstories because apparently that's just what I do.

Tag game friendly!

I also love hearing about other people's wips so anyone is welcome to ramble in my inbox about their ocs and stories.

Side blogs: @purefandomonium: my blog for anything fandom-related. @artspace1001: for any art or photography.

Other places to find me: I currently lurk on FFN and AO3 under the username ThisPerson1.

Info about my wips below the cut.

All of my works are primarily tagged under their full titles, the fandom name if it's a fic, "creative writing," "writers on tumblr," "fanfic" and "my writing." Anything extra will be listed.

Original WIPS:

Medical Mechanical: A story about a couple of friends who set out to uncover the truth behind the mysterious mega-corporation that has infested their town and done strange things to their parents. Sci-fi, young adult, and I guess it also sort of falls under action, although nothing major really happens until much later. Additional tag(s): "mm" and "sci fi."

It's the first original thing I began posting about and also my favorite original project. I actually do have tons more than what I've posted thus far, but I got caught up in perfecting it and then sidetracked and kind of just stopped talking about it.

The Set Up: A sort of enemies-to-lovers* story involving two old acquaintances meeting years later and being reminded of how much they piss each other off. After they end up stuck together on a camping trip that was nothing more than a mischievous plan by their respective friends, they're forced to deal with each other until the trip ends. (Very light) Romance*, slice-of-life, humor/comedy, and angst—mostly due to their past trauma.

It's the second original project I'm working on, although this one has taken a backseat to my other works because I'm still going through the process of reformulating it. I thought I had it figured out, and was originally going to have it take place in college and be a forced-by-friends camping trip gone wrong, but I just wasn't feeling it. I don't know, but the way it was coming along just... didn't feel right. So I decided to essentially start over rather than force myself through something I wasn't enjoying and that wasn't getting anywhere. The main theme is that the two MCs initially can't stand each other and butt heads, however, they eventually learn more about themselves and each other and start making amends.

*I'm also at a point where I don't think I'm going to keep it as romance, but instead have their relationship be platonic. We'll see.

Connection: Pokepasta/Glitchy Red fic about a girl who manages to befriend the embittered glitch. In other words, hermit high-schooler gets ahold of the titular Red cart and gets a new friend, and local depressed kids' game may not think life is so miserable anymore. Sci-fi/supernatural (because my version of Red is somehow both just a bunch of code and some digitalized cryptid entity,) very mild angst in the form of bullying, and found family/friendship. Additional tag(s): "glitchy red" and "pokepasta".

Fanfic:

I got the brainrot and just wanted something to write with no worries. I write a chapter and as long as it holds up the story it gets published. That's it. I'm taking a break from serious writing/editing with this one. I've already let it get too out of hand as is. It was supposed to be a two-parter. Now look at it.

Mysterious New Member: Fic about the BF5 gaining a new member under mysterious circumstances. Due to the secrets she seems to be hiding, and the rising tensions of the war, Vert and the others find themselves on edge and at odds over what to do. Takes place during Fused. Sci-fi, action/adventure, humor. Additional tag(s): "bf5," and "hot wheels battle force 5."

Fun fact: This is a fic I started when I was like 13. I recently began rewriting it because now I am not 13 and I was rereading it one day and went, "The fuck did I write it like this for???" So began my tedious work of redoing the whole thing. The original is actually still up on FFN under the exact same name, for the new one I only added rewrite to the title 😅 I'm not mad at myself for the way it came out or anything, as I was literally a kid, but I can safely say my writing has improved immensely and I just couldn't fight the urge revamp it. I'm quite proud of how this new one is coming along, being both an improvement of my original version and also a slightly daker and more interesting take on BF5. I'm actually close to done, I'd say about 75-ish percent. I really just have two more major plot points to go through and the rest is just tying up loose ends as I go along. That said, if you'd like to check out the abandoned original, feel free. Just be prepared for a bit of whiplash when comparing the two.

It's The Thought That Counts: Dead Plate AU fic I started on a whim and, like a lot of things, it got out of hand and became a fun little side project. Rody isn't hopelessly pining after Manon, who's still alive but not relevant to the story, and Vincent isn't a psycho cannibal killer. Essentially gay panic meets bi-denial, Rody attempts to impress Vincent by learning how to bake lemon-themed desserts after he discovers it's the only thing that gives him any semblance of taste. After a shaky start, Vince decides to start giving Rody lessons and they eventually come to terms with their feelings. Romance, humor, angst, slice-of-life.

I've actually never written proper romance before this and am absolutely shocked that it's coming along as well as it is. It's the most fluff I've ever written. For whatever reason, these two dorks are super easy for me to write. I also recommend checking out the game, it's super fun.

There is so much more, but I'm going to stop for now.

If it wasn't already obvious, writing is my biggest passion and I hope to keep improving and expanding what I do. I'm also always open to advice and constructive criticism, and I hope to inspire and help others with their writing. Also, if you write anything with the tropes or genres that I listed, don't hesitate to tag me and I'll check them out! I really enjoy reading other people's works.

So yeah, that's me. If you made it this far, thank you for checking out my blog (and my long ass intro post) and I hope you'll stick around and see what I have to offer. Be on the lookout for more and more to come!

[sonderwrit]

C116: Rest

I Have to Be a Great Villain - Masterpost

Author's Weibo post:

Translation: Brothers and sisters! Success at the speed of life and death! More is out, oh yeah! Here are two handsome photos, this world isn't short! There are plenty of chapters to play in~ Saw some mistakes in the update before 00:20 (accidentally updated a later mini-theater [with the chapter], so it's normal if you didn't understand it, in the future updates will come bit by bit~)

Chapter 116 translation below the cut (note: as the author mentioned, this chapter is extra long, yay!)

---

Qin Xian: As long as we do everything in this book once.

QX: We'll find the answer.

Wang Yi: This book?

QX: Right.

WY: Hm, the first part isn't hard; it's just minor stuff like practicing and sleeping together. (It'll take several years to lay the groundwork.)

WY: But I'm having trouble understanding after flipping to the end.

WY: What's this disciple and master pair doing?

*Epilogue of the story*

QX: Hm. He should be sitting on his master's knees to rest. [<- originally had low EQ, now it's worse]

WY: So it's like that, but it feels kinda strange. [<- losing his memories = losing his humanity]

QX: Where is it strange?

WY: I'm not sure. 

WY: Maybe my level isn't high enough to understand the mysteries in it.

#There are no XXX enlightenment books on the mountain, so these two cultivation "geniuses" are being beaten down by their own self-study#

WY: Uuf…well, all we can do is try.

WY: (A voice in my heart keeps telling me to trust Master, weird…)

WY: Although I can't see the connection between "re-enacting the contents of the book" and "understanding what 'like' means," since Master says to do so, Master must have his reasons.

[Upright] [Upright #2]

QX: Mm.

WY: Then let's start with the first chapter. There's a while before we reach the parts we don't understand, so maybe we'll get it by the time we reach there.

—

S-0: *yawns* (It's about time, the stupidity medicine should've fully taken effect by now.) [It'll make someone dumb without affecting their intelligence, so it's very convenient.]

S-0: (Although I feel sorry for Qin, he's probably too dumbed down to understand what I did by now.)

S-0: (Let's take a look.) *squeeze*

S-0: (Hm? So quiet, is it already bedtime?)

S-0: (But Nascent Soul level cultivators need very little sleep.) [This better not be a negative side-effect of the medicine.]

S-0: (I'll use my authority to check his physical condition…)

S-0: (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!)

S-0: (Why are they—sleeping in one bed?!)

QX: Who's there.

S-0: MreEEEOOOOoowwww~

WY: Uh…Master.

WY: What's wrong…?

QX: Nothing. Go to sleep.

WY: All right…Master should sleep too.

—

S-0: ……

S-0: (Aish. Did it turn into this kind of relationship again.]

S-0: (The original novel's Sword Saint Qin was a cultivator who utterly doted on his disciples.)

QX: "Seeing my disciple is equivalent to seeing myself."

S-0: (So it's very normal to see this scene of filial piety between Master and disciple.)

Cultivator*: "Daoist Qin, we have enough seating mats for this meeting. (You're a bad influence hugging and clinging to each other!)

*Judging by panel below, this is probably the sect leader Wu Jin

S-0: (But…though not as intimate as Yunshan Sect's master [Wu Jin] or Demon Abyss Master [Ren Shukuang], Qin Xian does get close to the male protagonist later on in the plot.)

S-0: (However, after interacting with the protagonist shou, he gradually discovered that the latter's venomous senior brother* was ruthless, tyrannical, and of mixed blood, so he stopped caring for him as much. In the latter half of the story, when the Daoist and Demonic forces fight, he'll realize the good points of the protagonist shou and truly fall in love with him.)

*Wang Yi's character

QX: "I don't care that you like others, I just wanted to tell you, my heart is yours."

S-0: (He became the last member of the harem—)

S-0: (And the so-called vicious senior brother who betrayed the immortal sect naturally had a bad ending…)

S-0: (His immortal bones were destroyed and he was left to fend for himself in the mountain cliffs.)

S-0: (Can they really reach that ending with their current clingy status…)

S-0: (Forget it.)

S-0: (Worry about the future when the future comes.)

S-0: (There's still time before the main mission. The Main System might even leave before long.) …meow~

WY: Master, I can walk on my own.

QX: Master feels cold, so I need you to warm me up.

S-0: (Moreover…this seems to be the first time these two interacted without either of them knowing about their "fate.")

QX: (The book was right, disciple's hair is indeed very soft.)

S-0: (No more pressure from the mission.)

S-0: (No more worrying about being separated.)

S-0: (Let S-0 take care of everything.)

S-0: (Of course, you need to pay this cat for overtime work.)

S-0: (Hmph hmph~ That reward will be—)

[Wang Yi: 17 years old, Qi-Refining Stage]

S-0: (Let S-0 see what sort of scene will happen—)

WY: Why did Master get so dirty again.

S-0: (When the blank paper System Y meets an equally blank Mr. Qin.)

WY: Bring your face here,

WY: I'll wipe it for you.

S-0: (It's really great~~~~)

QX: That's right, disciple's cultivation has already reached the zenith of Qi-Refining Stage. You can breakthrough anytime, right?

WY: Yes. I can build my foundation immediately.

QX: Mm, Master will protect you.

WY: Thank you, Master.

[Specification: In the cultivation world the levels are: Qi-Refining > Foundation Building > Golden Core > Nascent Soul > Immortal Ascension > Overcoming tribulation and becoming a god]

—

WY: Urk–

WY: ?!

*fades into past Y and X flashback*

System Y: ?!

Qin Xian: Ah.

QX: What's this?

QX: It's not the invading army.

[amateurplanner]

ofhiddenastute

[She looked beautiful when she opened the door. I'm talking, take my breath away beautiful. I mean, a different kind of take my breath away, since I was out of breath swinging here, so I made it on time. Either way, she looked great. It brought me with a sense of relief because I know MJ rarely dressed up. Typically she only did if she was forced to, or if she was really excited about something. Given that she wasn't forced to go on this date with me tonight, I knew she must be dressed up because she was excited about it. At least I hoped that was the case, cause I knew I was. MJ and I had come so far with each other over the years. We went from being two people who got on each other's nerves, to eventually tolerable of each other, in time friends, and then more time after that, I realized I had a crush on her. Lucky for me, she liked me too, and well, our relationship just blossomed from there. Then this multiverse stuff happened, and Strange had to work up that spell that everyone would forget who I was, in order to save the world, and now here MJ and I were back to being strangers. Well, one-sided strangers, I should say, since I knew everything about her. It was me who was the stranger to her. I thought silently to myself as I ultimately held up the busted bouquet of flowers in front of her. Needless to say I was pretty embarrassed that our first date since her memories were wiped of me, and I brought her busted flowers. Beyond that though, I had to wonder why I even brought her flowers, cause I knew MJ didn't like them. She found things like flower bouquets to be lame and a waste of money. In my defense though, I didn't  technically pay for these since they were swiped from someone's garden on my way here] Got it, and don't worry, I'll always show up. [Okay, I promised that a little faster than I should have, since that wasn't a promise I'd always be able to uphold, given that I was Spider-man. You never know when crime might happen, and my plans might need to suddenly change, as a result. I'd just cross that bridge when the time comes though, I guess] You're right, some dogs really are no joke. [I muttered out awkwardly. Knowing MJ like I did though, I knew she didn't buy my dog excuse. Note to self, come up with better excuses going forward] Same. I'm starving too. I was really excited for today, so I haven't eaten anything but that doughnut. [I admitted] I think you'll like this place I'm taking you to. [Truthfully, I already knew she liked this place, since it's where I took her on our first date after we returned from our trip to Europe, and we had gone there a lot since then too. I considered optimistically as MJ joined me here on the porch. Out of instinct I nearly reached over to take her hand in my own, but knowing, from MJ's perspective that we just met, I knew that sort of gesture would probably scare her off... Well, either that or she'd slap me. Maybe both. I silently told myself as I waited until she was at my side, and we started toward the direction of the Italian restaurant I was taking her to] Thanks for agreeing to go out with me tonight. [I eventually said with a nervous smile as I peered over at her. I wasn't really sure what to walk about with her... You know, without sounding stupid or creepy, so I went with the first thing that came to mind] So, you excited for Christmas? [Lame, Peter. Seriously, get it together. I silently scolded myself. In my defense though, I had to be careful with my topic choices, or else I'd give away something I already know about her, and risk creeping her out, as a result]

[blog-of-reaction]

ANTMAN AND THE WASP: QUANTUMANIA SPOILERS

More unasked for thoughts on this movie. (Except this time I remember to put it on my thoughts about movie/shows blog instead of my main)

I wish the og? Kang had survived. Like, I’m sure the other Kang’s are cool, but I really liked him as the villain. Also, with Kang being the big and of phase five. (Is it phase 4 or 5? I honestly don’t know.) with him being the big bad though, I can’t help but feel like killing off the Kang that literally all of the other Kang’s were so scared of they banished him to the quantum realm was a mistake. Like, they already (most likely) successfully took down him, how are other Kang’s who aren’t as scary going to feel like much of a threat?

Especially since there will be multiple. Like, I realize the Kang we’ve seen so far could be an outlier, but I’m not so sure they wont be able to be divided against each other. (Then again, them being divided against each other would most likely cause just as much if not more damage then them working together, given the whole monologue at the end of Loki.)

Also, Cassie was great and I love her.

I’m not necessarily an expert on Modok but I liked the what they did with him. Also, the part where Scott asked “Shouldn’t it be Modofk?” was perfect. Ive literally asked myself the same thing ever since he showed up in EMH.

I really liked the family dynamic they had in the movie.

Hope and Scott’s relationship actually had like, some real substance to it this time. Granted, it is very little but their romance is still much more believable than in the previous movies. (Which I mean the bar could not be lower there and it still feels a bit like “what?” but not as much as in the previous movies. Their relationship is mostly like, subtly implied and definitely supported and kind of lifted up via the overall family dynamic everyone had, but it still felt a bit forced at the end. I am slowly coming around to it maybe though? Like, I no longer passively dislike it. Instead I passively accept it.

The side characters were great, fun to see, and I loved them. I actually teared up when torture laser beam for a head guy was killed.

There were a few brilliant scenes that I especially enjoyed or found funny.

First off, like, just put yourself in Scott Lang’s shoes for a minute. All sorts of things weird unbelievable stuff has happened in your life and now you’re in the quantum realm and you lost sight of your daughter after being captured by these strange quantum realm people. And then when he finally sees her, he sees this teenage girl with what looks like blood dripping down her chin and she just cheerily says

“Drink the ooze!”

And then the camera cuts away. Hilarious.

“Those buildings are alive?!”

“What, are yours dead?” said with genuine concern. Beautiful.

The surprise actor for Chidi and pretty much everything when it came to his telepathy.

“How many holes do you?”

*excitedly after being shot a lot* “I HAVE HOLES” and then turning into a vacuum cleaner and just straight up going eldritch something on these guys

Also, Darren’s death. My response to that entire conversation was basically to laugh and ask myself what the fuck? I’m pretty sure Darren said some of that stuff just to mess with Scott but I’m not sure.

I want revenge and im going to kill you and your daughter! “You’re being a dick.” “Yeah but I don’t know what else to do.” “…just stop” great idea, thanks. And immediately doing a 180 and helping your previous sworn enemies.

Also, Kang was great, and a good villain and I was actually like, a bit scared of him. I mean, I still havent seen Wakanda Forever (I know and I hate that about me too) so I can’t comment on Namor and while Killmonger was a good MCU villain Kang is a good villain. And like, those are two very different things. So that was refreshing to see.

Back to Kang I don’t know how the rest of this phase will play out. Like, how will the, for lack of a better term, council of Kang, react and what will they do? Besides maybe destroying the multiverse according to prime Kang. (Speaking of, the Kang in this is just like, a younger version then the one that Sylvie killed in Loki right? It’s never outright stated but it seems pretty clear.)

[nickywhoisi]

Oh snap it’s Nick’s post!

So this has been a long time coming, and I know I should have done this EONS ago, but I decided that this blog needs a header post about me for everyone seeing me for the first time. I think the intro I had up there is actually rather...bad, not so helpful, a little sketch, and maybe even a little worrying to someone uninitiated. So I ought to fix that.

-My name is Nicholas, and I prefer to go by Nick, but Nicky has also happened and I don’t mind it too much, being in my username and all.

-I am nonbinary, they/them pronouns, and only that. I have a pretty sore spot about this, being misgendered irl all the time... and so I am pretty strict about getting pronouns right and picking one exclusively for myself. I just really want to distance myself from being forced into femininity that I can’t even begin to tell you I don’t have. I don’t know what’s wrong with people out there! I don’t understnd why they can’t stop looking at the exterior skin and know that there’s a real identity here.

-I am just about to be 30! Wowee! And I am smashed up so much from traumatic life experiences, I don’t feel a day over 2! How am I not dead?! Hooray eternal youth! ...Well, yeah, y’got me. I can’t even pretend that this is okay. I really am sometimes oscillating between frames of mind that do not reflect my age, if there is even a guideline for that. The truth is, I have never had healthy human relationships or “object constancy/permanence” to know what a stable person acting precisely like the age range they are is supposed to be like, and it’s been nearly 30 years. I don’t think I’ll ever get to know how to solve this problem. So what’s left? Just that I am a personchild who suffers way too many emotional and psychological traumas, and needs to be treated so meticulously careful, but has a real big heart and got a lot of sagely fandom wisdom and life experiences to share, to anyone who would care to listen. That’s why I’m so strangely knowledgeable, yet immature and unsure about things all at once. I can only hope that’s fine or that you at least understand what’s up with me, because I can’t change this...and believe me, I’ve been trying. Frankly, it’s the concept of change that got me into all this mess, SO DO NOT EVER BRING UP THE TOPIC OF CHANGE TO ME PLEASE AND THANK YOU. 8) My blog is part of the Eternal Domain of Inazuma, get it?

-I am a multifandom blog! I had no idea that I had to specify this until perusing other blogs! I just thought it became clear by post variety. See how weird and old fashioned I’ve become? I didn’t think it would happen to me, but here we are, and it will happen to you too! get ready for that one kiddums. In any case, here are all of the fandoms and series in general that I’m into, though I have already posted a lot of trains. Did I mention I’m on the autism spectrum+adhd? Maybe even a bit bpd/schizo? Yes, very fun.

-Sometimes I am ultra fun, in a good mood and approachable, but sometimes I go entirely in reverse, depending on my general mood or if something outside of tumblr has occurred. I am sorry. This will likely be hard to follow, and the last thing I want is to make enemies out of friends over any amount of misunderstandings, but following a healthy routine, knowing what I’m comfortable with at all times, and trusting other people understand and know the same thing, and then above all getting to experience behaviour that feels right, is very important to me. I will do my very best to announce my state of being ahead of time so y’all will know, and hopefully the transitions will be smooth. In a less-than-this situation, I can’t really know what to do beyond freaking out and maybe bailing, so...the bottom point may give you better help to know how to handle me. I’m so sorry...

-I am severely damaged goods, and become a neurotic mess when attempting social interaction of all kinds, even here, because I have suffered a giant terrible history of unhealthy relationships, and while I know who I am and where I stand on things, life insists on only bringing dangerous, unhealthy, unprocessably unstable types my way to make my ability to reach my goal that much harder. It’s almost getting too unbearable for words, and I have been thinking of quitting people altogether. But if I did that. I know I would never reach the life goal I’ve always wanted; of having a stable group of friends who stick with me lifelong. That’s all I want, what everyone else I look at from afar seems to have. Yet life insists that hatred stubs my toes over and over again, and each repetitive pattern of trying so hard, getting so close, only to reach a disquieting change and leaves me rejected and failing is too much to go through. I can’t tell who even wants me anymore, and this has eaten away at me for my entire life. I can no longer tell if there’s anyone in the world at all who cares that I exist and wants me to be alive and happy, wants to be my friend for real and then continue to be so, or if people hate me for knowing myself so well and demanding that I get my fair treatment that I was promised my entire life. I have had enough of being the tossed-away outsider of my own life, and I aim to collect. I don’t want to put in the effort anymore just for someone else to make me fail at having this very thing that I, as a human, was supposed to have eons ago to be healthy. I don’t want to keep trying to open up just to be made to feel like I should regret doing so...it’s sick, cruel unusual punishment that I have never deserved to go through. And if I’m bothering to stay alive instead of (still wondering if I should really) ending it all, I expect to not be made to go alone. I am sick to death of being forced, bottlenecked into failure that is not even mine to experience when I know, after wasting my entire youth learning about it, I did all the right things that are considered normal and rational, never once diverging from my path. (what I mean is, I could maybe count on my fingers the few times I was truly responsible for a failure in my life, but the longer list actually comes from other people just...being a roadblock on my path? Being the one to come up with some insane, arbitrary excuse to just put a stop to my trajectory? To abruptly end the progress I go to war everyday just to begin?! do you see why I am concaved under so many mental issues that I am eternally complaining? really hope somebody’s paying attention instead of just reading...!) I do not like being alone, and I’ve been crying everyday since I’ve been effectively thrown out from my own comfortable life and forced into...this super-nightmare isolation. I’m an extrovert with introvert needs. Can you believe I’m actually an extrovert first, even when all of my other traits point otherwise? So all of that is where I need your assistance. I am horrifically broken to the point where I’ve been conditioned that “help” is actually an opening for someone else to “harm” instead. This is actually what I’ve experienced more of than anything that is normally expected. It is insane. I need you to retrain me on what it means to healthily interact, to know if and who actually cares about me beyond myself, to relearn everything on how people are supposed to behave and carry themselves around one another. Because I am still, after all this time, needing to learn that from someone trustworthy. I am trying to reply on you to be my “teacher” in this way, but as fair warning, I am already expecting the worst; I expect failure, dismay, peril, trauma, the works. I beg you, find a way to prove all of this wrong.

-I have a vast variety of interests, way too many words to describe it all, far too little time to do so, and an unbelievable amount of raw passion driving my interests...into a canyon. *pixel explosion effect* You’ll have to wait with bated breath to see just what topics I like the most, what things I have to say the most about, and even the things I don’t like/have interest in I have a lot to say on. I’m basically an infodump truck. Get ready for that lol

Will continually update this post to add other tidbits to know about me, as it is getting a bit tiring to type out already, and I need to make a fandom post list too. So all in all, I ask for careful trepidation so things aren’t unpleasant, and I have a dangerous amount of issues that I am working hard to solve, but inbetween that, I want to come off as a very positive, dedicated, reliable, and more trusting individual for for you to hang out with, share in the entertainment, and have a great time with. I don’t want to be just another one of the unstables, I want to regain my past stability in fact. And above all, I simply HAVE to do my part to make the world a happy safe place like I’ve always wanted. I’ve spent too long ruminating on everything, especially how much it doesn’t seem like the world is at all happy or safe. But I keep seeing hints and glimmers of proof that it could be, and we only need to exemplify that ourselves. Put in the work and do, not wish. We need to become what we want. I want to be the proof that good and justice wins over all evil in reality. Looks like I always take one the way-too-hard challenges...but I didn’t say it was impossible. And that hero’s optimism isn’t just shallow hope to be broken later, either. It’s not fake pleasantry. If there really are evil villains in our reality, right now, in this absolutely insane time period, doing all sorts of evil things that we only learned about through our favourite series, then that can only mean...

[amynchan]

No matter how much you try to change from your foundations to be a better person, you're gonna run into biases you didn't know you ever had, and you're even gonna run into preconceived notions that you unintentionally got from trying to be a better person.

When this happens, it's ok. You're human, just like the rest of us. Here's what you do:

Recognize that it's a bias or a preconceived notion. The hardest part about this is our longing to be 'good' that forces us into denial and makes the problem worse. So don't do that. Recognize when there's a problem.

Examine it. Why is this bias here? What does it mean for you? What kind of conclusions does this notion help you to reach?

Ask yourself how you can apply little changes to change it. Just little stuff. Trying to turn around big ideas in a matter of a few days is really, really difficult, but trying to ignore it will leave it there forever.

Keep at it. You're gonna fall and stumble a bit, and that's okay. Just keep at it, and you'll do better.

Example under the cut because mine is kinda controversial (and I'm used to that)

So in trying to be a better person, I started resisting what I learned as a kid and leaned into the whole 'people love who they love' bit. Gay rights, trans rights, lesbian rights, you name it. So I spent a very long time trying to deprogram what I'd learned so I could be a better ally. A lot of people have this story.

Where this story starts is when I was reading a gay fanfic (which is honestly now one of my favs and I love it so much. Partially for the reason about to come).

So one of the characters has an ex boyfriend he calls 'spontaneous Kyle.' When I read it, I thought that that was a strange name for a girl, and it took me forever to realize that a gay man had had an unsatisfying relationship with another man. It wasn't even exaggerated abusive (which I'm used to as a narrative device from lots of angles), it was just an uncomfortable relationship that didn't work out. It also wasn't the only one of his previous relationships that didn't work out. There was a dude that was likened to a teddy bear, really sweet, but it just didn't work out because of life stuff.

Here's where my reprograming had gone wrong: I presumed that once gay men broke out of heteronormative trends, the first man they found would be infinitely better because no social restrictions and therefore be True Love. I had a bias, hidden from myself, that gay love is intrinsically better and therefore true and Couldn't Go Wrong barring excessive abuse.

That is where my efforts to become a better ally led me (because romance, though I really want it, isn't something that makes immediate sense to me, so I gotta think it through a lot).

So that was step 1. Recognizing that I had that preconceived notion. It took a whole fanfiction outside of my perspective to see, but now that I could, I was Flabbergasted, and I realized that that had to Change.

So, onto step 2. I had to figure out why I thought gay love was better and what led to that thinking. What I eventually figured out is that in the campaigning for rights, LGBTQ present their case as fiercely as possible, arguing to be natural to themselves against the forced heteronormativity of most society. It's a persuasion tactic, and it's honestly one I don't blame them for using, but as I was passively absorbing the media around it, it went too far in my mind.

So I had to look really hard at it and say 'what do they really want?' And the answer I, a heteroromantic demisexual, finally came to was that they just want the choice of it. They want to meet people, put their hearts on the line, get those hearts broken, and trial and error their way to true love in the same way straight people get to now. Big difference to what I initially thought, which was "get rid of the heteronormativity so we can all find our One True Love immediately," which is what I'd unintendedly absorbed through all of the LGBTQ media and campaigning.

Listen: this is about recognizing and changing biases and preconceived notions. I wouldn't be able to outline this process if I didn't go through it myself.

Step 3 is actually about how to change those biases. Since it'd be really intrusive--not to mention rude af--to ask actual LGBTQ people about their dating history and whether they'd found dissatisfying LGBTQ relationships in the past, I went back to the fanfiction. Whenever I read 'spontaneous Kyle,' I forced him to take shape in my mind. The other boyfriends, too. I forced them to take shape and be paired off with the character so I could force myself to visualize what I'd unintentionally ignored. Same for other fanfictions. If I saw a past partner, I'd force myself to stop and visualize what that had to be like to remind myself that love is love in the way that it is messy, confusing, and not always straightforward.

Step 4 is one I'm still on and will be on until the notion is fully dispelled. The fact that it still sometimes catches me by surprise reminds me that I need to keep working at it until it's just another fact of life.

So I feel like I'm at least aware of and changing that bias, and I know there are others lurking around in my brain just because of how I was raised and how I myself tried to overcome what I saw as shortcomings in my own raising. I'm going to get it wrong, and so are you. However, taking the moment to admit what's going wrong and taking steps to correct it helps you move forward as a person.

Anyways, this is for the people who are like me and usually terrified to admit that they've done wrong in trying to become a better person because they feel like they're about to be horribly punished for trying to do the right thing. Even if you made a mistake, you're allowed to try to do better.

it's safe to try and do better.