#not too sure i'm gonna draw much of this anymore because i just started developing lore for an older oc | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 1 year

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hello i want to send some of those drawing prompts in but i know nothing about your ocs. would you mind telling me a little about them? general personality traits, theme song (if they had one), role, and whatever else you'd like :>

owo!!!!!! :D okay SO i have multiple different stories (many many many) but I'll elaborate on the two that are currently most in my mind (apart from the animal-centric one, #taira, which wouldn't work with those drawing prompts)

Um. Putting this under a read more because it's getting long. Gonna copy-paste the under-the-cut stuff into a reblog to my backup sideblog, tho, just in case. Trigger tags are for the second story, and only because they're mentioned as part of it but definitely not in detail.

#adira - the tag goes for both the story as a whole and the main character. in summary my beloved girl discovers the Bible (dystopia which has wiped out Christianity in that location and no internet so very localised an controlled) and has a crisis of faith while working everything out. that's the first book. it develops, but yeah. most of these characters start out in their early/mid teens. may be referencing later events because this series is likely to end up covering at minimum a decade of their lives to a greater or lesser degree.

Adira - has a temper (classic redhead), passionate and intense about many things, somewhat arrogant, very determined to figure out the truth of the world, somewhat a self insert (has ended up completely accidentally very visually similar to me xD ) . I don't know her theme song. She's the main character. I love her so much. I can talk endlessly about her but also I'm kinda mixed up atm with reading over past drafts and how she was portrayed then and how that'll change.

Tom - ALSO has a temper (ends up with significant anger issues/tendency to violence that require a lot of work to get over and nearly destroys his marriage), physically disabled (details to be worked out), has a bunch of health issues, significant self-hatred and attendant mental problems, tendency towards obsession, side B bi. Dunno if he has a theme song as I've found yet. He's a supporting/secondaryish/main character. Becomes one of Adira's closest friends and has a significant role in the first book. Has a nasty history that honestly has ended up more like grooming than anything else (he the victim). Is driven by determination and an iron will that will carry him almost beyond the point of endurance. I love this dude sm. Also he's possibly half Indian? Not certain yet tho. But yeah, I got a lot to figure out about his character. Incidentally he and Adira end up married (and yeah their relationship tips into toxic territory for a while before he gets pulled up short and forced to rebuild it; not entirely his fault but definitely mostly). Obviously I need to work on that bit too but since that's plenty beyond the first book I'm more working on setting up foreshadowing and his character so that he'll develop into that sort. (I love him but he Sure Has Issues.)

Emily - uhhhh she's not particularly fleshed out yet xD She's Adira's adopted sister, but they're not especially close anymore (they grow closer over the course of the books, and were friends as small children). I had an idea for her and then I kinda a) realised it didn't fit with the rest of it and b) yoinked the best bits of her character for a different story which I'll expand on once I've done with these ones xD Anyway, she is good and kind and sweet and gentle and I love her. Her only real faults are rather Jane-Bennet-ish at present, and also that she's too ready to agree unquestioningly with those she trusts. In later books she goes through a crisis of faith and quite literally nearly dies as a result (there's a fun bit in there where the other characters on the scene realise that they don't know if the danger she ended up in was accidental or deliberate (it was accidental) and others go through Many Emotions as a result; they're all in a hard spot at that point with varying mental challenges). I found a theme song for her once but I can't remember what it was. She's a side/secondary character.

Dorothy - Adira and Emily's mother. She's somewhat similar to her daughter, but without some of the emotion to drive her. Pretty cool and calculating, but with a great warmth underneath. She's repressed her emotion for years and years in a mildly abusive family situation (her husband Theo is horrible and I despise him). She helps Adira to figure things out, with the help of a friend she introduces Adira to (Mr Saunders). I feel like I don't have a great handle on her character specifically, just Vibes.

Mr Saunders - he's ended up being a main character of the short story collection I call on here #suh, because two of the five stories (including the longest, at 23k) deal with him as a main character. (That short story collection is to be self-published in ??? once I finish editing it. his stories are tagged #story:wcb and #story:preacher (tho I'm not sure the latter has anything tagged as yet.) Anyway I've got it professionally edited I just need to go through that and then one more round of edits and then it's formatting and printing timeee.) Anyway, he's old and slow and very very gentle and kind. Like Dorothy, there are depths to him. But he loves deeply and has been hurt and yet those hurts slip off him like water. I love him so much and wish I could meet him in real life. He's the only one at the start of the story who is already currently Christian (in secret tho, and his ending is... I have Thoughts on that), though he's introduced mid-story. He's v important to Adira's development.

Neil - this dude has been severely depressed for YEARS okay he's my darling even tho it's mostly his own fault. Originally heavily inspired by Loukanos from S. J. Knight's A Time To series (fantastic 10000/10 would recommend, especially the first book). He's a doctor. He's Emily's biological uncle, her only remaining biological family. He has terrible hurt in his past, and he dwells on it and grows rancid over it. Incredibly bitter and lashes out. Not sure when he's gonna be introduced in-story, I know by what time I need him in the book but I dunno when he'll be introduced. He also has trauma/resentment around Christianity that he has to work through. I need to flesh him out better.

Giselle - we only learn her name closer to the end, when she and the story part ways. Her tag is #the evil spychologist. Not a typo, and for a good reason. Anyway, I adore writing her scenes and interactions with Adira. Shows how much I love writing stories where the main character is aware that they're being manipulated. Her character as herself isn't particularly apparent (she may show up later in the books or she may not) she's more a front for the evil government.

Those are the only main characters I can think of at this instant, but other side characters include Rosalind (kind of love interest for Tom at one point, it's complicated), Elton (can i punch his face can i PLEASE punch his face), Merry (either Adira or Emily's friend from <extracurricular>), Sandra (Dorothy's friend w a family), Rick (the resident Good Atheist), [name] (I forgot her name rn but she was Adira's friend from IMI, becomes an archivist like Dorothy and later meets Adira again. looked conservative and quiet and happy and whatnot in school and when she meets her again she's sporting a smart blue haircut, incredible heels and long sleeves...), and not to forget the twins Adira and Tom unexpectedly adopt with zero notice in like the fifth book xD their names are Faith and Hope. There's also another Faith (hehe spoilers but I love her sm).

oh crumbs I forgot Tom's entire family. Anyway there are a bunch of them. Alison (mother), can't remember his dad's name, and the kidlings are in no particular order Norah, Elizabeth, Katy, Rufus, Andy (he's importanter), Rufus's twin uhhhh can't remember his name, I think that's all the kiddos. I named each of the girls after a character I love lol.

ANYWAY I think that's all the summary of that particular series. moving on to the other which has a much smaller cast and is very character-driven

#vaniah - this tag goes for both the focal character and the story. Basically a story of healing from trauma, partly using the vehicle of an arranged marriage to handle it. It's very strongly Christian, both main characters are Christians and their faith is the only thing that holds them through everything, especially Vaniah.

Vaniah - my boy is Traumatised. Partly this is his own fault/perceived as his fault bc he was pressured into things and feels later that he should've said no, and he deals with incredible guilt and self-hatred. It's an extremely dark story with a lot of dark themes (graphic on-page self harm at least once as well as description of scarring, lots of discussion of suicidal ideation, potential suicide attempt, mentions of alcoholism and a couple of instances of my boy being Quite Drunk, some level of mentions of adult themes and slightly suggestive content, though that especially I will handle as carefully as I'm able). However! there is light hearted stuff in there too and ultimately it's a story of hope and rising from rock bottom. Vaniah loves butterflies and will infodump for as long as anyone wants about them (and other things). I dont really know how to talk about his character because for most of it he's SO consumed with self hatred to a greater or lesser extent. I don't know, I'm not selling this very well xD Alexandra has done fanart of a scene from this story and I'm still obsessed with it.

Emily - I know she has the same name as in Adira's story. These were originally connected, and now she's different. I'm still using this name but that will change in time (possibly to Amelie? idk). She deals with an eating disorder which Vaniah also helps her with. She's sweet and very gentle but has strong feelings. Vaniah perceives her as very pure and innocent, though this in fact is not quite true. She's been through somewhat herself, and her hope and faith are more out of determination than come easy.

I could ramble on about these two forever but I have somewhat done so before probably (you could check the tags. the tag #emily does cover both Emilies tho)

Side characters include: Ben (Emily's brother), Camilla (his wife), [name] (Vaniah's sister), uhhhhh there are probbably more I'm forgetting rn

Please ask me for any details or clarification or ask about anything to do with anything! :D

#if you want to know the real titles of anything here just dm me! in fact i have drafts of covers for both vaniah and the first book of adira #adira #vaniah #tw suicidal ideation #tw sh #tw ed #thank you for the ask!!#ask #gobby #ask me anything

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humblemediagenius · 1 year

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i have been curious about your characters since I heard first about them! unfortunately, am a little shy talking online, but since now seems like the least bother-y time i'll take now not really 100% sure what to ask first, so I'll start with this: What different stories do you have going on right now? Or do you just have one large narrative? (by stories I mean anything from big projects to a little handful of guys who happen to be in the same place doing similar things) Either way, I'm interested in hearing any synopses, little details, or longform rants! I like hearing about others' ocs

HI IT'S TOTALLY OK anyone can ask about my ocs anytime it's never a bother !!

But to answer your question! I have THREE stories I am currently working on! My motivation to work on them fluxuates on whatever im fixating on LOL but I realize I havent talked about them too much before so I might as well explain a little bit

Story #1: OUTCAST CHAOS !! It is my passion project and the most developed story (it turned 2 years old in January!) I'd like to make it a TV show or webseries some day! It is about a bunch of people finding themselves in a really weird game show, and discovering more about the weird little town they live in 🤔 this is indeed the story with Mic in it, LOL!! I'm literally in the process of planning entire seasons and episodes, hopefully I will get around to designing secondary characters soon HDKDHKDBD

Story #2: CORRUPTION (this is a placeholder title because I can't think of a better one, but I will someday istg) this is the story I've talked about the least on here unfortunately I just haven't gotten around to it, but you can see I tag the main characters in my oc tag a lot LMAO!! It's about a really nosy teen and the worlds saddest man having to deal with an evil sentient computer. It's a little dark but I've been really confident with story beats lately, id also like to do something with it! But I haven't been fixating on it like I was last year LOL

Story #3: MICROBIAL!! My most recent story and what my blog is currently themed to LOL its conception is so silly (it was an AU of an AU with my outcast chaos ocs that got turned into something both original and completely separate)!! It is both about the microbe apocalypse and about the very hectic relationship between two bisexual and mentally ill young adults. It's my current fixation (see how long that lasts) and I've been working hard on it since last October! I'm not sure what I'm gonna do with it yet but I know the internet is not immune to the microbez. Also Eve and garrett are from this story for anyone who's been paying attention to my incessant poll reblogs and my blog takeover on April fool's day

I have more OCs than just the ones in these stories, but they're basically all in metaphorical storage and I don't draw them much anymore. I'm really proud of my current works and I hope to tell people more about them soon! I unfortunately have a lot of anxiety, so I tend to just tell people major story stuff in private, but I'm trying to get out of my shell more! I have WAY too much info about like, all my OCs, I can answer basically anything you'd wanna know about any of the characters LOL

#oc tag #seaspeak #ask #sorry this is long and formatted poorly I'm on mobile rn lol #but yea!! my ocs are my biggest blorbos #feel free to send asks whenever I looove answering em

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riffin-eh · 2 years

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so uhhhh, interaction, huh

I… don’t really get a lot of what people say about social anxiety with typical, day-to-day interactions that you have to do. But more complex interactions? Just shoot me now, I’m gonna screw up. Obviously it’s different for everyone, but I guess I judge everything on intent. Going into a conversation, both parties have an intent, whether conscious or subconscious. If those intents are aligned, and both parties know that, then the conversation is easy. For example, I go up to the counter of the local McD’s and ask for some nuggies. The worker wants to get my money and give me nuggies, and I want to give the money and get nuggies. We both know each other’s intent, so the interaction is all about facilitating that. No bullshit, easy stuff. That’s why I find so much of this day-to-day stuff in the wider world so easy, especially retail interactions. But more complex conversations, where I don’t know the other person’s motivations? Now we’ve got a problem.

Let’s start off with a controlled scenario, one with less variables, so I can illustrate how even that is tough. I’m gonna draw upon an interaction I had. I was playing Splatoon with who I thought (think? I’m not sure anymore, things are kind of in the shitter right now for me socially) is/was a friend of mine. Now, my goal here is simple and easy to understand. Keep a good conversation with involvement from both parties going, and get to know this person better because they seem pretty nice. But their goal? It could be a lot of different things, and I’m not a good judge, because weewooweewoo social anxiety here to screw you over. The first assumption one might make is that they have the same goal as me. I would definitely like to think that, because that means we’re working towards the same goal, and so things are easier. But uh oh, here’s anxiety coming in with a piledriver! What if they’re just being polite? What if they’re only putting up with me because of another friend? I know these things aren’t reasonable, but you sprinkle in a little context of it being hard to contact them to set things up and them not initiating conversation, and it suddenly feels a lot more real. And so, I get overwhelmed after the fact. I over analyse. Annnnnd I don’t contact this person who I honestly had a good time with again. And that’s just a simple 1 on 1 interaction. Now add in multiple other people, who I might know more or less, dynamics between all of those people, and it just becomes a nightmare to manage. All different senses of humour, things that are ok and not ok, interests, etc etc etc make it tough to manage at the best of times, and I'm rarely at my best of times socially.

For a lot of people, conversation is a given. They read between the lines, read the mood of the room, and chime in an acceptable amount to keep them in the conversation without too much thought, at least that’s what it seems like. But when conversation is a skill? Things get hairy real quick. I think I just need more experience, covid and being at home a lot has kinda screwed me on that. Hopefully I can figure it out. I’m better than I was, so if my conversation skills continue to develop at the same rate, maybe I’ll be able to have normal conversations with the other patients at the nursing home in a good 70 years. Have a nice one, horrible 1am rant brain out.

#social anxiety #neurodivergent #anxious #venting #small rant #my thoughts

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toacaldoric · 2 years

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Ok, so, got an opinion here that's probably gonna do numbers in the negative direction quite quickly, but I gotta get it off my chest because I'm tired of it sizzling on the proverbial back burner like it's been for the last... what, several days? Couple weeks? Don't even remember anymore...

Anywho, it'll probably deteriorate in quality over time as I write this because it'll take a bit to do so even remotely coherently and it's already sometime past midnight, so here goes possibly everything.

*inhales*

I don't understand/hold with the whole "Takanuva is trans/ a trans allegory/symbol" thing. Don't get me wrong, the LGBTQ+ community needs as many heroes, icons, symbols, allegories, etc as they can get in this hostile world, especially the trans folks, and I'm all in on supporting the whole thing.

(Hell, I've kinda been trying to take various looks at myself for a while now, trying to figure myself out, and so far I'm pretty sure I'd prefer to be slightly on the more effeminate side of androgynous if I could, but I don't exactly have the time energy, funds, or general environment to go that route rn, or anytime soon.)

And yet, even with all that, drawing a connection between Takanuva and the trans crowd throws me for a loop, because it feels off somehow. The non-binary crowd? Sure, that works, because when you get down to it, the inhabitants of the MU are canonically physically non-gendered (by which I mean, they have no physical genetalia because they don't reproduce) and anything close to "sexual dimorphism" is pretty much cosmetic, aside from some programming bullshit from before Velika turned everyone from drones into people (and maybe a bit of his meddling was added in as well, who knows). Not to mention, Takua/Takanuva already has so much hung on him that it makes no sense to add more. Let me explain...

For starters, back at the very beginning, Takua was barely even a character at all, having instead started as the physical manifestation of YOU, the "Player" as you interacted with some of the original games. I'm not just talking about MNOG here, either, though yes he was vital to that. I'm talking about the GBA game(s) and the one or two PC games that came about before that. No, I don't remember the names of the games in question, mostly because I never got the chance to play them as a kid, and it's currently so late that it's early in the morning, I'm not looking that up rn. Anyway, he was a blank slate, full stop, with no plans for character development beyond those games. This was mostly because Bionicle was only intended to run for a year, at most, before Lego wrapped everything up with the final battle against Makuta, Mata Nui's awakening (which happened in '08/9), and the reuniting of the planets.

Of course, Bionicle itself fucking EXPLODED in popularity, (which no-onw expected back then), and he himself became a popular fan favorite character as time progressed, so amidst the rush to start milking the unexpected cash cow they had on their hands in every way possible, the dev team decided to play on everything previously known about Takua and made MNOG (as well as having him start to show up in other important media, like the books), where he kind of became a vessel for everyone out there who was "the weird kid" in their social group(s), or "the hyper/ADD/ADHD kid", etc. He wandered around everywhere, got into just about everything that could get him into trouble, and all that good stuff. (Of course, we later found out he did this a lot in Metru Nui too, and he got slightly brain-fried by the Vahki because he did it so much, but that didn't exist at that point, so...)

And Lego used him to tell the story that ANYONE could be the hero, and everyone's special, and the power of friendship etc. etc, all the usual moral stuff they crammed into kids' media back then. Not to mention the fact that the Matoran, while self-sufficient and stuff, were all basically stand-ins for kids, wandering about in large groups under the watchful gaze and protective power of the taller, bigger figure(s) in their lives (parents, teachers, older siblings, other adults, etc) while the Turaga we're wrinkly, wizened old mentor/mystic/grandparent types.

And so it was, through the Bohrok arcs, up until the Mask of Light was found and the Rahkshi showed up to wreck everyone's shit. Cue THAT entire arc that we know and love, and suddenly Takua is now Takanuva, the Legendary Toa of Light, etc, and he defeats Makuta and they discover Metru Nui and blah blah blah. (Btw, I'll start referring to Takua/Takanuva as an overall character as "TK/N" from here out, while also referring to his individual Matoran/Toa stages by their individual names.) And yet, let's back up a bit.

The entire MoL arc turns Takua from the "underdog" story we knew him as before into a literal "growing up" story, where he has to face responsibilities and consequences, having greatness thrust upon him (as per the old saying), and generally acting in tandem with these six people he's only every really seen as near godly-level beings before now, because he's basically one of them now too. Of course, there's obviously some major impostor syndrome going on, because how the hell do you try to match pace with such influential figures, especially when you realize that they're each just as much a fucking weirdo screwball as you, if not moreso, and in ways beyond anything you ever got up to before? A very good metaphor for hitting adulthood, looking back.

Everyone's faking it, tbh. No-one has their life under control, adult or otherwise. Anywho, TK/N then continues to learn to use his new power and work with the rest of "the team" even though he's still very evidently the literal seventh wheel, as evidenced by the Nuva heading off to Voya Nui while he's chosen by the Turaga to stay behind and keep the Matoran from going berserk (which fails). Later he goes off with the soon-to-be Toa Ignika, gets separated from them, has a bunch of adventures where his balls finally drop and he comes into his own, then he shows up in Karda Nui having become a much better person (even if he's still half-drained of light, though that quickly gets fixed).

TL:DR, TK/N becomes a typical coming-of-age story, even if the final parts are sidelined for reasons of greater universal-scale plot events. Now, there's obviously a lot more nuance to it all than just that, as well as a few other things he dealt with (IE, confronting his inner darkness on several occasions), but that sums it up to a degree.

Now, going back to an earlier point, I mentioned that gender was basically pointless in Bionicle, at least for the Matoran and such, because in-universe, unlike humans and other organic beings, it had nothing to do with reproduction or furthering the continuation of an individual's species. If anything, it was more cosmetic than truly functional. Of course, it was added in because there was twofold interference from organic beings. One level was, of course, the Lego story writers, which wanted a bit of diversity to grab as many kids' attention as possible while also not getting shit on by parents and other folks in the industry. However, there was more direct and influential interference in-universe, thanks to the Great Beings themselves (who, in turn, were also influenced by the writers), all of which injected a very human bias into things.

The various beings inside the GSR were designed and manufactured based on the physical setup of the normal inhabitants of Spherus Magna, both in form and possibly in their original programming, as also mentioned earlier. Sure, doing so probably had uses, like the liquid-dwelling Ga-Matoran being physically feminine to allow a more hydrodynamic shape, or almost all the Psionic Matoran/Toa being feminine because that one masculine one they built turned out to be too aggressive, etc.

Meanwhile, Av-Matoran were one of the few (if only) type of Matoran with a truly split gender population (the exact percentages are unknown at this time) because they were prototypes for all the other Matoran types to come. So yeah, sure, there was a possibility that there could have been a female Av-Matoran pottering around instead of TK/N on Mata Nui, and who could have had his place as the (a?) Toa of Light in that timeline, who knows.

Sure, I'm also a believer that at least some form of love canonically exists amongst the beings of the GSR in Bionicle, even if it's not the same as what we humans have, which is driven at its core by the need for biological reproduction. You can't be a sapient functionally-immortal being that lives for literally thousands of years, if not millions/billions, and not have at least some kind of compassion and empathy for your fellow sapients around you. Hell, I've seen plenty of art and stories about two or more of the Toa being an item, or a couple of the Matoran even, and I'm all for that.

I'm all about just about EVERYTHING about Bionicle, as long as it's not gross, horrendous, illegal in any of most of the civilized nations here on earth, or anything like that. There's also apparently a decent number of long-time fans of Bionicle who followed it from a young age that also have figured out (or are still currently figuring out) in more recent times that they're trans, which is also fucking great IMHO! But the whole "TK/N=trans" thing? Well, I've seen no precedent for it in-universe (either from TK/N himself or any other characters), and I have no idea where it came from irl, so, again, it all just feels off, from my perspective. Of course, I could just be blinded by a few of the dumb things I'm dealing with in my own life rn (long story, not going into it), or because life at work dealing with dumbass customers has just left me too jaded to see it, idk. I admit that. I'm human, I have failings and biases and opinions and all that other shit. This isn't me trying to be hateful, or a terf (or whatever they're called,) I'm just confused AF about all this.

For those of you among my pitiful follower count who aren't bots, feel free to comment/reblog, or not. Roast me alive, unfollow, try to explain things so as to swing my POV around, whatever you feel like, not that you need my permission to. You're your own people, and this is the internet, so... whatever. Imma go to bed and hope my Tumblr doesn't explode because I had to try and get something that took from maybe 1am til after 3am to write out of my head and off my chest. Maybe I can stop worrying at it like a missing tooth now.

#Longass post #probably gonna get me in trouble #probably inflammatory idk #weird ramblings with not enough sleep #nothing valuable happened here probably

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worsesart · 2 years

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“get your fuckin dog” vine intensifies

au and optimus’ design: @blitzy-blitzwing

#not too sure i'm gonna draw much of this anymore because i just started developing lore for an older oc #soundwave gets an absolute death aura when dealing with autobots but it's Worse with optimus and maybe bulkhead #hazformers #he's not gonna say anything but he's thinking of 100 ways to harm a person

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chaifootsteps · 3 years

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Here's the post in question, in case someone is wondering:

Is the Pandoraverse canceled?" "Is the pandoraverse still a thing?" "Does this mean you're not gonna work on the pandoraverse anymore?" "I'm worried fuzzbutts is gonna replace the pandoraverse :("

i post a couple furry drawings and y'all lose ur minds, geez louise

I'd appreciate it if you guys could cool your jets. Look at my gallery. I posted like....five new pandoraverse uploads in the last two weeks alone. Yet it seems people are disregarding that and panicking with each new Fuzzbutts post. It's making me kinda uncomfortable, tbh. I'm really not sure what I'm doing to make y'all think I'm pulling the plug on the pandoraverse.

(Just so we're clear, I'm still working on the Pandoraverse. Ya dinguses.)

But. IIiiiii don't like how some of y'all have been wigging out just cuz I've dipped my feet into the waters of original content. You all like my silly horse fanfic universe, and I'm flattered! Really. But that's not the only content I want to make. I can and do draw other stuff. I haven't posted said other stuff on DA cuz I figured y'all were just here for the ponies, but I'm realizing now that it's my gallery, and I have the freedom to share whatever art I'd like. This means you're gonna see posts sometimes that don't feature cute talking horsies. You don't have to like it, or even look at it. But you will not comment on it asking when I'm gonna post horsies again. There are 1,000+ pieces of Pandoraverse art/stories in my gallery. Fuzzbutts has 8. You're not exactly starving for pony content. :/

I'm not a machine that exists to pump out the exact free art you desire. I'm a person- a deeply impulsive person- drawing whatever idea pops into my head, and you guys are just along for the ride. So make yourselves comfy and stop worrying so much about what I'm planning on doing next. Y'all are stressing me out, chill. Remember, I do all this for free, and for fun! When y'all ask about the pandoraverse every time I post Fuzzbutts stuff, it makes drawing pony stuff feel like an obligation, which sucks the fun right out of it. I understand feeling unhappy when an artist you follow starts varying up their content, but please don't try to discourage me from doing so. After seven whole years of drawing nextgen content, I need some variety in my diet or I'm gonna develop like.....brain scurvy, haha

On a related note, I'd like to thank everyone for the wonderful feedback on Fuzzbutts! :) It's been a little scary putting out original content after years and years of near-exclusive fanart, so the overwhelming positive response has been an absolute delight! I love answering your questions and fleshing out the world and story, I have so many more new ideas I can't wait to share! :D

(And yes, that includes new Pandoraverse content too, just in case you were still worried.)

Lop's a weird one like this. She'll make these long posts addressing her fans, and sometimes like now, they're very sweet and gracious and maybe tinged with a little condescension. Because she's not wrong...she can delve into new territory if she wants, and people don't have to like it, but they also don't have a right to make her feel shitty about it.

...You know what it reminds me of? That big, formal announcement she made letting everyone know she was going to be less abrasive. And when she made sure to let everyone know how respectful of her trans audience she was going to be going forward, how carefully she was going to listen. And we know how that turned out.

Lop is just so full of love and appreciation for her fans until they show her even the slightest iota of criticism.

(That "ya dinguses" comment is making me laugh, because it just conjures up the image of Lop playfully tousling her fanbase's hair, grinning ear to ear, and they're just like "You're hurting me...")

#Anonymous #lopoddity #actual blog post

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apocalypseornaw · 4 years

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Ending/Beginning

For the enemies to lovers square on @girl-next-door-writes make me feel bingo

Inspired by the show revolution (sort of) y'all I'm nervous AF to post this cause it's reader x OC but i hope y'all like it

Word count: 10,247 it long

Warnings: Cursing, violence

The apocalypse, the end of the world. Everything as it was known coming to an end. No matter how you wanted to describe it that time was now. You never would’ve dreamed that the end of the world wouldn’t have been fire or ice. No the world ended a lot quieter than that. No dead rose, no monsters crawled out of hell. Electricity simply went away, all the power sources that ran everything went off grid. You watched as the world slowly plummeted into turmoil. You had your group, all of you would fight to the death for each other, you believed that somehow humanity could survive the problem was not every group believed as yours did.Good and evil, things that at one time had clearly been black and white were now washed in shades of grey.

You were on guard duty, walking the length of the walls that surrounded the compound you called home. A team had left a few days before and had yet to return. You were getting more anxious as the days drug on. You finally spotted movement towards the east and ran quietly along the wall so as to not bring any alert to anyone walking below. When you spotted the group missing some of its main members breach the treeline you felt the knot in the pit of your stomach double in size. “OPEN THE GATES” you screamed quickly climbing down the ladder running the moment your boots hit the dirt to meet the horses as they came inside. “Where are they?” you asked Sam before he ever got the chance to dismount. Your eyes flicked across the group that were with him clocking the injuries on each person, Sam included. You’d grown up with the Winchesters brothers, all three of you practically being raised by Bobby They were the closest thing to family you had and Dean’s absence along with Charlie’s and Garth’s was glaringly obvious to anyone.

“We were ambushed. They took them and left a message for Bobby” he explained coming to stand next to you before handing his horse off to someone else so they could see to it that the animals all of you had come to rely on was taken care of. “Which is?” you pushed but he glanced around at the growing crowd “Not here, come with me” you followed him through the compound not falling behind despite his height advantage on you. You had a feeling what fate had befallen your friends and the rage gnawing at you was growing larger every second that passed.

When Sam grabbed your arm and pulled you into Bobby’s quarters he glanced up from cleaning a gun and smiled when he saw the two of you but his face quickly fell when he realized Dean was not in tow and that Sam had visible injuries. “What happened?” he asked and you cut your eyes at Sam silently echoing the same question. “Kaper’s men. They found out about the power core” “SON OF A BITCH” you growled kicking a chair across the floor.

Josiah Kaper was about the furthest you could get from Bobby as a leader went. Where Bobby was trying to push for a way for humanity to somehow dig itself out from under the shit show that had developed in the world Josiah wanted nothing more than to find a way to benefit from it.

He had three sons David the oldest who from your run-ins with him honestly didn’t want to be associated with his father’s name he’d even helped you out of a tight spot years back when everything started falling apart in the world. Then was the middle son Jonah who was ruthless and heartless. You had a scar running the length of your left arm from the only run-in you’d ever had with him. Had Dean not been so quick on the trigger you wouldn’t have walked away, a few members of your group hadn’t. Dante the youngest son who was closest to your age you’d never had any run-ins with but this attack was personal. Bobby wanted the power core to develop a better hospital system. You’d lost a few people simply for the fact that without any power source the doctors you had didn’t have the equipment they needed to perform some surgeries. Not to mention having to stay off the radar of the militia, didn’t want any of them getting it in their heads that your group had anything they may want.

Dean had figured out a few alternatives but even the best mind couldn’t solve everything on it’s own. Josiah on the other hand, you could only imagine what he wanted with the core.

“Give me a team, we’ll get them back without having to deal with Josiah” You spoke without a second thought. Either of the three they’d taken would come for you so you owed it to them. “What’s your plan?” Bobby asked so you shrugged “They know I’m one of yours, same as Sam and Dean. Makes a bullseye on me so I play decoy while my team locates and releases Dean, Charlie and Garth” “And if they manage to get their hands on you too?” Sam questioned so you shot him a wink “Oh ye of little faith. Don’t worry Sammy they’ll never get close enough to lay a finger on me” Bobby stared you down for what felt like an eternity before nodding “Ok but sweetheart do me a favor?” “Yes sir?” you asked so he half smiled “Make it back in one piece”

"I'm coming with you" Sam spoke and you shook your head motioning to the visible marks on him "No you're gonna go to medical and get checked over. I'm going to go poke around and see if the ones I have in mind for this are up to it, I have no doubt they will be but I still give them the courtesy of asking"

------

You knew Alicia and Max would be at the front of the line to volunteer to go as soon as word spread. They had long since been your best friends and considering Charlie was Alicia’s girlfriend there would have been no leaving the twins behind even if they hadn’t been on your top pick to go.

Kevin and Claire were easy picks as well. Kevin, that damn kid you swore could blow up a mountain with some baking soda and vinegar. As fair as for Claire there hadn’t been a lock you met she couldn’t get through fast and easy. Rounding out your band of misfits as Bobby so lovingly called you all was Benny. He was a big dude, a damn good fighter and not scared of a lot.

“So what’s the plan?” Sam asked looking at the map you’d spread out across the table in his and Eileen’s quarters. “I know Kaper and I know Dean. If they’re managing to actually hold him, Garth and Charlie, it's gotta be here” you pointed to a building near the northern wall of Josiah’s compound. “The problem is where as we as a group try to steer clear of the militia, he supplies them with pretty much anything they want to look the other way on him pilfering anything he can from the old power sources that’s been uncovered where the rest of us are barely scraping” “So you’re looking at the possibility of heavy firepower” Eileen guessed and you nodded glancing up to make sure you were facing her as you spoke “That’s where I come in. I draw their fire so to speak here” you pointed to the end of the compound furthest from the building you suspected your people were being held in. “By yourself?” she questioned and you knew she didn’t like your plan anymore than Sam or Bobby had. “I’ll be fine Eileen. I promise. By the time they realize I’m there everyone else will be in position. Once they have our people I’ll draw them out further and chunk a few of Kevin’s presents out amongst their ranks just to stir some fun up”

“And if something happens to block your path back around to meet up with everyone else?” Sam asked so you shrugged nonchalantly “Well I can honestly say I will make em earn it and I fully expect the lot of you to give em hell in return” “You’re insane” Eileen reasoned and you smiled at her “That, my dear is part of my charm!”

-------

Kaper’s compound wasn’t set up much differently than the one all of you lived in, the only difference being where when your compound was first established you went for the comfort of the many while it was clear Josiah went for the comfort of himself. His people had well enough living quarters but the building in the center was twice as plush as everyone else’s and while there were guards on their walls the same as yours he also had guards in front of his quarters.

The cement building against the northern corner of the wall was where they kept prisoners. There had been more than one scouting mission around Kaper’s compound to have a basic understanding of what was where. Luckily for your group there was a series of caves not far from the compound that could offer you shelter off the main road while you strategized one final time before actually putting your plan into action.

------

You tied your horse Helios at the head of the cave then walked deeper in where Benny had built a low fire. He was crouched down looking at the map you’d gotten Alex to sketch out. “Tell me this plan one more time” You could feel the twins and Claire watching you when Benny spoke. Kevin was doing some final touches to his part of the plan so he was preoccupied. You squatted next to Benny and pointed towards the prisoner quarters.

“That’s where they’ll have Dean, Charlie and Garth” he nodded so you then pointed towards the eastern gate that was closest to Josiah’s quarters “I’m going to get their attention here, draw the main guards out. I’ll use a few of Kev’s low grade toys so as to cause more chaos than actual loss of life, just enough to make everyone look at me. In the meantime all of you will head in over here” you pointed towards where the western and northern wall met “There’s a weak spot unless they’ve fixed it in the last month which I seriously doubt. Even if they did, Kev has a corrosive to make a hole big enough for all of you to slip in, find our people and get the hell out” “Promise me one thing though darling?” he asked so you tilted your head to look at him “Name it Lafitte”

“If something goes south where you’re concerned wait for me at the gate because the moment Dean finds out I agreed to let you do this I won’t be far behind” You offered him a small smile “Oh come on now he won’t kill ya” he raised an eyebrow that was clearly a nonverbal way of disagreeing but Kevin walked over about that time and handed you a canvas bag “The pipe bombs won’t cause a lot of damage but if you get in a tight spot grab a few of the round ones and chunk em. They’ll take out anything within a ten foot blast zone” You thanked him then stood up and glanced around. Claire held your gaze for a moment while both twins gave you a sharp nod “I’m not one for rousing speeches so I’ll just say wish me luck and remember if all else fails give em hell and make em earn it”

Claire rolled her eyes “Christ Y/N, Dean gives better pre-fight speeches than that!” you shrugged “And that is why I’m going to get him back”

------

You stopped at the perimeter of the treeline that was your last bit of cover before the guards would spot you. You and Benny had agreed on a five minute mark to make sure they were in place. You pulled the old wind up pocket watch out of your jeans and glanced to see it had been exactly five minutes. Well now or never.

You clicked your tongue and Helios trotted forward. The guards spotted you the moment you left the cover of the trees and hollered “STOP THERE. WHAT’S YOUR BUSINESS?” you stopped but slid your hand into the canvas bag “I CAME TO DELIVER A MESSAGE” you lit the first pipe bomb and chunked it over the wall. It landed at the first guard’s feet causing him to topple backwards down to the dirt.

The guards and inhabitants of the compound went into a flurry of motion so you rode down the wall throwing just enough pipe bombs over to ensure every guard was paying attention to the “threat” at the eastern wall and not the rescue party at the northwestern wall.

Once the gates opened and guards started pouring out, some on foot but most on horseback you lit one more pipe bomb and threw it in their general direction before hollering “CATCH ME IF YOU CAN ASSHOLES” then clicked your tongue again gently kicking Helios' sides as she took off at a gallop for the trees hearing the shouts of the guards following you. ‘Good keep all your eyes on me’ you thought to yourself as you leaned down closer to Helios to avoid limbs that were threatening to whip across your face as you rode deeper into the woods.

------

Benny and Claire had told you they didn’t need longer than eight minutes to get in, find your people and get out. Of course playing a game of solo mouse versus about twenty guards who were the cats was easier said than done.

Helios went around a tree and muscle memory alone was the only thing keeping you on her back. You fumbled for the watch again and saw six minutes had passed. Christ you still had two more minutes to keep them close enough that they would stay in pursuit but far enough that they couldn’t catch you.

You were getting close to the lake that was nearby so you headed in that direction. You had two pipe bombs left in the bag and two of those round ones for a tight spot as Kevin had put it. When you got close to the water’s edge you slowed her enough to let the guards catch up slightly and muttered a prayer under your breath before throwing one of the round ones into the water’s edge then kicked her sides again. She tore out in a gallop and you could feel the water from the blast hit your back followed by a lot of cursing. From the sounds of it you hadn’t killed anyone but you’d discouraged their chase and hopefully disoriented them enough that by the time they got back to the compound the smoke would have cleared.

------

Dark was falling and they’d never attempt to go after all of you once it fell completely. You had the advantage, your people were more used to the dark than Kaper’s because you only used the power sources you had sparingly. Your plan was to double back around to the caves where everyone was waiting for you. Benny was under strict orders that if you weren’t there within ten minutes of them arriving to knock Dean out if need be to make him leave you behind.

You didn’t expect to see a lone rider waiting not far from the lake. You thought your eyes were playing tricks on you when the large black horse first moved, thinking it was a trick of the light and a shadow. A horse that size shouldn’t move that quietly.

You clicked your tongue and tugged the reins in the opposite direction but when Helios pitched the other way the black horse simply gave chase. Shit who the hell was that? You could hear your heart beating in your ears. You had no choice but to lead whoever it was away from your people. There was no telling the shape everyone was in considering if they managed to keep those three contained they may have even gone to the extent of drugging them.

You had to slow when you got into the thicket of the woods because in the lowering light you could barely see where you were going. You felt something hit your left shoulder hard a half second before you were falling from Helios trying to brace yourself against the shock of the fall. You grunted when you hit the dirt then rolled to be in more of a defensive posture. You could hear the other horse slow before the sound of boots hitting the dirt hard met your ears.

You clicked your tongue trying to get Helios to circle around but before you could get back onto her you heard someone say “I’ll be damned, a woman did all that?” you spun to face the voice and cursed when you saw the gun pointed loosely in your direction. He was a couple inches taller than you, nice athletic built and clearly a fighter. There was still enough light you could make out the bit of stubble gracing his jaw line and the way his eyes held you made you fight the urge to look away. There was something vaguely familiar about him.Hell had he not been pointing a gun at you and from Kaper’s group you would’ve called him attractive but at the moment he simply had a target on him for you to figure out how to get out of this spot with both of you still breathing.

“And to think we’re called the weaker sex?” you replied with a defiant tilt of your head despite the fact that his gun was out and pointed and yours was still resting at your lower back. He chuckled slightly “You’re one of Singer’s. Y/N isn't it?” you smiled and held your arms out “How can you say that for certain that I'm not just simply a thief that happened along at an opportune time?” “Because I know for a fact that Dean Winchester along with two more of Singer’s group was in our grasp”

It suddenly hit you why the man across from you looked vaguely familiar “You’re Kaper's other son” he nodded slowly “Dante Kaper at your service sweetheart” You narrowed your eyes at him “Stow the sweetheart bullshit. I’ve got a scar from your brother and I was one of the lucky ones that day. I know the type of man you are” He nodded then motioned to his horse with the gun in his hand “Well in that case why don’t you hop on up there?”

“Kill me first, that’s the only way” He reached out to grab your arm and you let him because you knew getting close enough was your only chance of getting free. He pulled you back against his chest “I don’t want to hurt you but the same way that your people hate mine, you just blew up half our wall and knocked most of my guards on their ass” “Oh well” you muttered before throwing your elbow back as hard as you could at his midsection and was rewarded with the sound of his gun being dropped to the dirt as a grunt left him “Should’ve known it’d be a hand to hand thing”

You spun around to face him and narrowly avoided his return blow. You swung on him but he caught your arm then swept your legs out from under you when you went down you managed to kick your leg out as soon as your back hit the dirt and it connected with his leg. “Son of a bitch” you groaned, pushing yourself to your feet. You started to make a run for it but Dante recovered faster than you would’ve hoped. He was on his feet and grabbing you before you could make it two steps.

The moment he spun you around to face him you swung and connected a solid punch to his jaw. He staggered just a moment then kicked out and managed to connect with your stomach. You went with the blow letting your own momentum take you down. You were counting on his arrogance being his downfall and that proved to ring true when he came to stand over you “Guess you can’t hang with the men huh sweetheart?” “Don’t you wish” you replied, kicking out hard to catch him dead center in the crotch. The moment he went down to his knees you took off running and whistled for Helios. She came running up so you hoisted yourself onto her back “Let’s go” she galloped away and you could barely hear the hollered curses from Dante as he faded from your sight.

------

When you got closer to the caves you checked the time that had passed and cursed under your breath. God if they had to knock Dean out to get him to leave you behind it was going to get really messy when he came to.

You slowed Helios down to a trot and whistled the tune you and Benny always used when you were on the same team. After a few seconds you heard the whistle repeated so you urged her forward.

You hopped down at the head of the cave and saw the other horses tied up. You tied her next to Claire’s horse then walked into the cave entrance. The moment you came into view you were snatched into a hug from Charlie. “Y/N!” you couldn’t help but smile at seeing her mostly unscathed. There were clear signs of the fight when they’d been taken but beyond that it appeared as though Kaper hadn’t attempted to torture them. You’d gotten there before that point.

Once she released you Garth was there slapping your hand in a high five “Now that’s what I call a rescue mission ma’am!” you winked at him but your smile quickly fell when Dean stepped away from the corner where he’d been talking with Benny. Your eyes skimmed across him clocking the cut over his eye, the bruising on the side of his face and just how bloodied his knuckles were “I call that insanity. What the hell were you thinking?” you grimaced slightly at his tone bracing yourself before saying “I call that pulling your ass out the fire, same as you’ve done for pretty much all of us”

He studied you for a second before a grin split his face and he pulled you into a hug “Kid you are completely insane but damn I would’ve loved to see Kaper’s face when those pipe bombs started going off” you touched your stomach where you caught a boot from Dante and Dean tracked your movements with his eyes “What happened?” Benny who had been silent stepped up behind you and when he touched your left shoulder it was only then that you realized the branch that had knocked you off Helios had torn through your jacket and shirt. “I officially met Dante Kaper”

“Did you kick his ass?” Max asked and you shrugged “I’d have to say that meeting was fifty, fifty. I got away from him because he underestimated me and got kicked in the family jewels as a reward for it” Alicia covered her mouth as she laughed “In that case I’d say you won it” You glanced around eyeing the lot of them. Out the rescue team from the looks of it none of them had even been in a fight. Benny’s knuckles weren’t even bloodied. Kevin was a little windblown but that was because he’d been at the forefront of any explosions they’d set off. “All of us are in one piece and can make it home. I call that a win”

Ninety percent of the time you tried your best to abide by what few rules were in place. You as one of Bobby’s surrogate kids had to be on your best behaviour to show everyone else in your compound that all was treated equal but when a meeting was being held to arrange an escort to Denver for a supply run to the encampment there and you weren’t invited it more than pissed you off.

You stood in front of the meeting room door for several minutes trying to talk yourself out of what you were about to do. It didn’t work of course. You started to walk away then said screw it and shoved the door open. Bobby,Sam, Dean,Benny and Jody were sitting around a table marking the route off. “Took her longer than I thought it would” Benny admitted with a nod to Dean.

Jody raised an eyebrow at you “Y/N? Bobby said you weren’t feeling too well” you cut your eyes at Bobby who shook his head “Don’t even start kid. You know you can’t go on this run” “Why not? When have I suddenly become persona non grata?” “When you went a few rounds with a Kaper” Dean answered for Bobby.

You barked out a harsh laugh then drew the chair from next to Sam and sat down “Then I guess you nor Charlie nor Garth is going on this run either then? Because while they didn’t see the crew that busted you out they know you got out”

Sam sighed and turned slightly in his chair to face you “Still turns back around to you Y/N. Since they in fact didn’t see the crew they probably assumed you set some sort of timer to bust the whole in the back wall before getting their attention on the front. Them taking the three of them goes against the agreement set forth by the militia so they can’t exactly report it but they more than likely have a grudge against the person who blew half their wall up and knocked most of their guards and one of Kaper’s sons flat on his ass” You leaned forward on your elbows and glanced around the table.

Dean and Benny immediately shared a look from the expression on your face and Bobby closed his eyes with an exasperated sigh before you ever spoke “So you’re telling me that lil ol me gets the credit for pulling off a rescue mission, destroying their over the top wall that wasn’t even very functional to begin with and kicking Dante’s ass all on my own. Hmm sounds to me like I need to go along Kaper’s men may think twice about messing with the crew if they spot me with them”

“If we don’t let her go we all know either she’ll saddle Helios and follow us anyways or get into something worse” Dean finally said and Jody winked at you “Well you boys may need some backup” “Don’t encourage her!” Bobby groaned then waved a hand at you “Go grab your gear. Dean will round up everyone else” you stood up and winked at Jody before walking out.

------

You were riding behind Benny towards the back of the wagon. It would be left with the encampment so the trip back would be cut by a day. Everyone was talking to whoever was closest to them or just keeping an eye on the surrounding area. Once the supplies were handed off and inside walls the militia weren’t as prone to mess with them but out here in the open it was a more free game.

There was a reason why you, Alicia and Max had spent weeks mapping out the natural caves along any routes all of you took. If you couldn’t find an old building with a garage area for the cart you would park it inside of the cave then make camp outside of it where anyone looking to steal would have to go past whoever was on guard at the moment and everyone sleeping.

“Benny you got this for a minute?” you asked and he cut his eyes at you and nodded “Yeah I got this darling. Guess you’re gonna poke at Dean a lil bit?” you grinned and clicked your tongue so Helios headed in the direction you pointed her which was the head of your group where Dean was looking as stoic as ever while keeping an eye on his surroundings.

He barely acknowledged your presence but you knew that he knew you were there. “Are you really mad at me for getting you out?” you asked and he shook his head.

You knew he wasn’t but you were going to make him say the words out loud. “I’m pissed off at you for putting yourself at risk like that. What if those guards would’ve caught up with you? Or what if Dante would’ve actually won that fight?”

“Then you would’ve come and got me. It would’ve gone a lot bloodier than my method but I have faith that worse case scenario you would’ve made Kaper regret the day he was born” Dean was quiet for a moment before finally looking at you “Y/N..dammit you’re in the same category as Sam. I can survive losing a lot. I don’t know if I can survive losing either of you. Before you say it I know you’re plenty capable. I’d rather have you at my back then most men I know but that doesn’t change the fact that if you would’ve gotten killed saving my ass..I would’ve slaughtered every man in that place” “What about the women on his guard?” you asked and he narrowed his eyes “Don’t be a smartass just say you see my point”

“I see your point but that’s the same reason why I couldn’t leave you there. Dean you almost killed Jonah. If I hadn’t been bleeding that bad you would’ve. You’re a high value target for Josiah so I’m not gonna attempt to lie to you I’d do it all over again but I do honestly see why you got pissed at me so can we call truce now?” he nodded and held a hand out so you shook it with a laugh “Glad we got that settled now let me get back to my post before Benny starts talking to his horse again”

------

Your group was about two days away from the Denver encampment. You’d stopped to make camp for the night. There was an old housing development that got abandoned when the end happened so it was a bunch of half built houses that had been mainly reclaimed by nature. There was one at the end that only had a few finishing touches to the place so that was where you picked for the night. The cart was parked in the garage so everyone made beds around it. All of you had slept in worse places.

“Y/N you and Sam take first shift then wake me and Benny up for second shift” Dean announced so you nodded in agreement as you pulled your jacket onto your shoulders “Aye aye Cap” then nodded at Sam “C’mon Samuel” he shook his head with a laugh but followed you out the side door of the garage that led back outside.

------

The full moon was nearly bright enough you could read by it. You were on your third trip around the house keeping an eye on the perimeter. Every time you’d pass Sam one of you would tell the other some stupid joke or random fact to pass the time. There was only another hour left of your guard shift then you could take over Dean’s bed to catch a little sleep before finishing the last leg of this trip.

Once the cart was dropped off your group didn’t have to take the main road home and weren’t as high value of a target for the militia or the road bandits. Even in this day and age you had people that would rather steal then even attempt to provide for themselves in a halfway honest way.

It was a bit disappointing that the one thing you could still count on was that mankind could still be major douches regardless of the time. You were thinking of another weird fact to tell Sam considering your fact of what raccoons could fit inside of made him swear to sleep on his back from here on out every time he slept outside would make you laugh for a week.

A movement towards the woods a few houses down caught your eye. You weren’t quite sure what it was but actually hoped for bandits versus Militia or any of Kaper’s men. You knew Sam would be coming around the corner of the house in a minute and if you mentioned it to him he’d want to check it out with you but you couldn’t leave the house completely unguarded.

You whistled one sharp note and Sam whistled back before coming around the corner quickly “What’s wrong Y/N?” you nodded towards the treeline “I think I saw something. I’m gonna go check it out. Don’t leave guard post unless you hear me scream then feel free to tell on me to Dean and bring everyone running deal?” He followed your line of sight then looked back at you “You’ve got exactly two minutes” you grinned at him “I only need one Samuel” then headed towards the treeline being careful to make your footsteps as quiet as possible.

You reached for the knife at your side. You had your gun tucked at your lower back but if it turned more into a close quarters deal the knife would be a better option. The moment you stepped into the shadows of the trees you felt a hand grab you and you were slammed backwards into a tree. Before you even focus to try to see the assailant you had your knife at their throat.

You realized you were looking up into none other than Dante Kaper’s dark brown eyes “You know you’re something else Y/N” he grunted flinching slightly from the pressure you had on the blade. “Been called worse by better Dante” you replied putting as much venom as you could in your voice and he smiled despite the fact that you were nearly drawing blood “You need to move your people. The militia is headed this way. They’ll be through before daylight”

“How do I know this isn’t a trap to make us move so your people can attack us down the road?” you asked and his grip on your arms tightened slightly “If I wanted your people dead I could’ve shot you and Dean's brother then burned the garage to the ground besides I kind of like having someone around to give me a run for my money. Makes life a lot more interesting”

“And why do I tell Dean we need to move? Can’t exactly say a Kaper said so” you replied easing the pressure slightly on his throat. He glanced down at the blade then slowly released your arms “You’re a resourceful woman. I’m sure you’ll think of something” you stared at him for a few breaths before putting your knife back at your side “If this is a trap you better hope they kill me fast because I’ll make sure you regret it” he had the audacity to wink at you before saying “See? Now comments like that make me want to keep you alive just because that much fire deserves to be fed”

He disappeared into the woods and a few seconds later you heard his horse moving away and cursed yourself for not clocking that big of a beast. “You bastard” you whispered to the night then realized the two minutes had more than likely passed so you quickly breached the tree line again to be back in Sam’s line of sight before he could wake Dean up.

He ran to meet you halfway “What was it?” you shook your head “I don’t know but we need to move. We’re close to a few caverns we can make it to one and still rest a bit before hitting the road again” he stepped in front of you before you got your hand on the door leading into the garage “Woah Y/N if it was nothing why are you hell bent on moving?” you met his eyes and took a deep breath “You trust me right?” “Of course” he answered a quick reply built on years of both of you trusting the other’s instinct. You hated lying to him but something told you Dante was being honest and you didn’t want to chance the supplies that were desperately needed in the Denver encampment being confiscated.

“Let’s get them up then” you finally added so he stepped to the side and simply followed you into the garage.

------

Surprisingly enough when you woke Dean to say you felt like your team needed to move he didn’t even attempt to question you. He simply gave out orders and the lot of you moved silently through the woods to the caverns you’d pointed out on the map.

Once everyone was settled back down at the cavern though you noticed that Dean and Benny both had pulled Sam to the side of the group and the three of them kept throwing glances in your direction. What were you supposed to tell them if they questioned you further? That you were taking an enemy at his word because why exactly? You weren’t even sure yourself why you’d believed Dante besides the fact that he was indeed telling the truth that had he wanted any of you dead it would’ve been simple enough to do.

You pushed the thought out of your head and curled up next to Helios for the night. By the time the sun was peeking out onto the ground your team was already on the road once again.

------

“So successful drop off done now for the trip home” you said riding between Sam and Dean. Dean glanced over your head at Sam and nodded once. You watched as Sam fell off and matched his pace with Benny instead no doubt giving you and Dean room to talk or rather Dean room to question you.

You remained silent for a few moments before saying “Well get on with it” he cut his eyes at you then looked back ahead of him “Get on with what exactly Y/N?” you sighed running your fingers through Helios’ mane “Asking me why I moved us in the middle of the night” “And why exactly was that?” he questioned and you felt a knot in your stomach start to form. On one hand you didn’t want to lie to Dean about anything but on the other hand you’d done the one thing all of you had sworn to never do..you trusted a Kaper. Even as far as David Dean simply avoided.

You shrugged “I just had a bad feeling. Best case scenario we ride back through and nothing is touched meaning I overreacted to a bad feeling” “But if we ride back through and proof that the militia has been through is there I’ve got to explain why you’ve either suddenly grown psychic powers or why the little birdies flying around have decided to start conversing with you”

You were stunned into silence simply because you’d never actually had Dean accuse you of anything. It was a strange feeling but you also became acutely defensive “What exactly are you accusing me of?” you asked and he turned fully to look at you trusting his horse to remain on the path he’d been pointed “Someone was in those woods last night when you went to check it out. You can lie to Sammy but you can’t lie to me. Who was it?” At your silence he cleared his throat then looked back at Sam who came up to join the two of you yet again “Sam you and Benny take lead. Me and Y/N are gonna fall to watch the rear and have a little chat since she’s apparently now being shy of groups”

You cut your eyes at Benny when he came up to take your spot at the head of the group “You good darling?” you nodded once then clicked your tongue to get Helios to follow Dean.

Once the two of you were at the rear of your group with no possibility of anyone over hearing a conversation Dean got his horse close enough to Helios that had the two not been around each other for so many years they never would’ve willingly rode that close “Now talk to me.You know I’ve always backed you up but I need to know who told you we should move?” you sighed and refused to meet his eyes but answered “Dante” you barely looked in his direction but saw his jaw clenching and unclenching “Please don’t be mad at me Dean. I had my knife to his throat but he had a point. He could’ve fucking sniped me and Sam then barbequed the rest of you if he had wanted to!”

“So? What are you trusting him now?” Dean’s voice was sharper than you’d ever heard it pointed at you. He reached across the space between the two of you and snatched your jacket off your left arm to show the thick jagged scar that started at your wrist and disappeared underneath the short sleeve of your shirt “His brother did this! I found you nearly dead. Sam held you in his arms the entire ride back to our doctors and you know what? I heard him pray Y/N! Who the hell he was praying to in all of this I don’t know but we thought we would lose you. We lost Jo, Ash and Rufus that day! A Kaper did that! Out of every possible enemy in this world the god damn Kapers have been a thorn in our side for longer than anything! You really think you can trust him? Even David is only passable because he got away from Josiah and we haven’t heard anything from him since. Dante went back to his daddy’s compound and probably reported that Bobby’s girl was stupid enough to trust him!”

You felt hot tears spring to your eyes at his words. You turned your head stubbornly so he wouldn’t see them and took a few deep breaths before replying “I don’t trust him Dean but I had to weigh the options and protecting all of you was the most important thing” your voice broke slightly as you shrugged your jacket back up on your arm. Dean reached as if to touch your shoulder but you flinched away from him “Not right now Dean. I know you just want to protect me but I just can’t right now”

“Chief, are we checking it out?” Benny called from the front nodding towards the path that would take you back out to where the housing complex was. Dean looked at you then announced “Everyone wait here for a few. C’mon Benny” you watched them ride off then locked eyes with Sam. The look on his face alone was enough to ask if you were ok. You gave a sharp nod.

Within a few moments Dean and Benny were rejoining your group. You didn’t look in Dean’s direction when he came back to ride at your side but he still offered “For what it counts the militia destroyed it and left their mark” “Why did he warn me?” you asked honestly shocked that Dante’s warning had rang true. “That’s the question isn’t it?”

The moment Bobby heard that Dante had reached out to you and in fact actually told the truth about the militia coming through you knew that would be the end of you being allowed out on any day to day tasks. You had no idea why he’d even been in that area that night or how he’d located your group let alone why he’d want to actually protect your group. Hell you’d fought him the first time you met him then that knife had drawn a line of blood from his throat while he gave his warning. It was a predicament to say the least and and left you feeling like a fucking leper considering only Sam, Dean and Bobby knew so to everyone else they simply say you sticking close to the compound with no good reason as to why.

You were helping Donna and Jody in the armory trying to simply keep your head down until Bobby and the boys forgot about it and let you out again. “What exactly did you do?” Jody asked sliding more shells across to you since the three of you were currently making more bullets. You shrugged knowing that you very well couldn’t tell another soul that a Kaper had saved your necks. You absentmindedly scratched at the scar on your arm and Donna covered your hand with her own “You know that’s a bad nervous habit sweetie” you shot her a small smile “I think I’m just going a little stir crazy. Even just to take Helios out to stretch her legs I’ve got to take Benny or Max and Alicia with me” “Whatever happened those three will get over it soon enough kid. Just keep pushing they love ya” Jody added with a wink.

------

It went on for a while until you were on guard duty one day walking the length of the wall when Xavier, a rider for a nearby compound which happened to be where your hospital set up was, came riding up to the gate. “LET HIM IN!” you hollered climbing down the ladder to meet him.

When he saw you his eyes flicked around nervously “Y/N.. Dean or Sam around?” you shook your head “No but what’s going on Xavier?” he swallowed hard “They’re on the way to do a walk through of our compound. We don’t have the power core completely buried yet” “Shit.Dean,Benny and Sam aren’t due back till dark” his eyes looked like they very well may pop out of his head “We have an hour tops” you knew that if you came out on the other side you’d never hear the end of it and that was the best case scenario.

You nodded to his horse “How fast can it move with two riders?” “Fast enough” he replied. As you were swinging your leg up behind him you heard Max holler your name. Xavier glanced back at you but you simply shook your head “Ignore him. Let’s go” you rode out of the gate motioning for it to be closed behind you already planning in your head a dangerous route but if it came down to it you would do what was necessary to save the most amount of people.

------

Dean was seething with anger and underneath that was the fear. The fear of being too late this time. The fear he’d find you dead. Dammit why did you have to be so fucking selfless? When him and Sam had met up with Max on the trail back he knew something was wrong then when Max told him the last he’d seen of you was you riding off on the back of Xavier’s horse he knew the worst was yet to come.

He rode up to the gate of the compound that housed the hospital set up “OPEN THE FUCKING GATE!” He didn't slow down and rode directly up to the door before climbing off his horse and nearly took the door off the hinges as he stormed inside with Sam and Benny close behind.

He spotted Micheal the doctor that was over the place “Where is she? What the fuck happened here?” The place was a mess but most of the equipment appeared to be whole. There was evidence a fight had happened and your presence or the lack thereof was a sore thumb along with the puddle of blood in the center of the room. “Dean you got to know I tried to stop her! I told her to stand down but she refused. She was determined to draw their attention from the power core” the shorter man was clearly scared and for good reason. Benny knowing Dean how he did managed to catch him before he broke the good doctor’s nose “Dean brother we need to hear what happened before we kill him”

Micheal looked at Sam who shrugged “They’re not gonna kill you” When Micheal almost looked relieved Sam quickly added “But we may make you wish you were dead cause you’re probably gonna have to put yourself back together if we find out you hid while they took Y/N”

Benny let go of Dean and had a hand around Micheal’s throat in the blink of an eye “Now doc me and you ain’t never had an issue but that girl is like a sister to all three of you. What the hell happened here?” “Jonah was with them” Micheal breathed out and Dean felt his blood run cold.

They never planned this to be an inspection. Josiah and Jonah both knew the one way to get at Bobby, Dean and Sam was to go after Y/N. “Son of a bitch. They were probably watching when we left. He planned the walk through to draw her out knowing she’d never stand by”

Benny dropped Micheal unceremoniously to the floor. “Go over what happened and don’t leave a word out”

Everything hurt.You knew the moment you’d spotted that chestnut horse amongst the inspection crew that it had all been a lie. You’d been lured out and played directly into their hands. “I’LL KILL YOU” you growled diving at Xavier. You’d trusted him and he’d betrayed all of you. “Sorry Y/N they gave me a better offer than being an errand boy”

You had your hands around his throat when the door was kicked in and you heard a gun cock “Y/N let him go or I’ll kill them” you looked up to see a gun pointed towards Micheal the top doctor and Erika the top field medic. You slowly stood off of Xavier eyes never leaving Jonah’s masked face. “Good girl” he cooed then the moment Xavier was on his feet he put a bullet between his eyes. At your look he shrugged “He’s a rat. Don’t need any rats now do we?”

“Gonna take that mask off and let me see Dean’s handy work?” you taunted eyes flicking towards Micheal and Erika. “Are you going to be nice and come quietly or do my men need to beat you in compliance?” he replied so you squared your shoulders and planted your feet “If you plan on taking me you might as well throw your hat into the ring too darling cause this is gonna be one hell of a fight”

You ended up coming back to consciousness in the newly reinforced cells of Kaper’s compound. You were certain you had a few broken ribs and the entire side of your face was slick with your own blood. You’d held true to your word. You’d given as much damage as you’d gotten and that was at an extreme disadvantage. The last thing you remembered was Jonah’s boot connecting with the side of your head hard. If you survived this you would make sure you were the last thing he ever saw and you had the comfort of knowing if you didn’t survive that Dean would be the last thing Jonah ever saw.

You had managed to push yourself into a seated position with your back against the wall when you heard boots coming in your direction. You were in pain and it would likely be a task to stand on your own but regardless you braced yourself for what would more than likely be another fight.

When the footsteps stopped you looked up to see Jonah was standing at the door leading into the cell. He had his mask in his hand and the light from the torch on the wall flickered across the burns the corrosive had left behind on his face. “Damn you’re even uglier than you were before. At least the exterior completely matches the interior now” you grunted holding an arm around your hurting ribs as you forced yourself to stand up despite the pain radiating through you that moving caused. “Keep talking you little bitch. Even now our group is already at your compound. Singer will be given seventy two hours to either deliver the power core or be delivered your corpse” “Bobby knows you’ll never keep your word. You’ll take the power core and kill me all for daddy dearest to make a play to be over the shambles that’s left of this country”

“But the thing about Bobby and the Winchester boys they don’t think with their heads a lot. They let their hearts do the thinking and you’re family. That whole group is insane enough to risk it all by coming after you. How many more will die this time for you to walk away?” “That wasn’t my fault. It was yours” you threw back and he smiled “And yet here you still stand having survived what? Seven years after them?” “You’re gonna kill me why not just finish me off now?” you asked and his smile turned sinister “Oh but why kill you quickly when I can make you beg for death?”

He pulled a key out of his pocket and slid it into the door when he stepped into the cell you took a deep breath before falling into a defensive posture. Whatever he had planned it wouldn’t go over easy on him.

“There’s not even an option. We hand over the fucking power core” Dean spoke from where he stood at the edge of the room. “How do we know they won’t kill her anyway?” Benny asked and a silence fell over the room because everyone was thinking what Benny had just given voice to “Well what the hell do you suggest Benny? Let them kill her with no qualms?” Max’s voice was laced with anger. Anger at himself for not being able to stop you from leaving and anger at the situation in general.

“We’re already at the eighteen hour mark since they took her. We need to do something and do it now!” Alicia cut in but before another word could be spoken Claire came running into the room “DEAN, SAM” both brothers turned to look at the blonde who was out of breath “The front gate! We need you!”

------

Most of the residents of the compound had been temporarily relocated rather to other areas or the caverns to get the non combatants out of harm’s reach which made it easier for moving around. Erika had bought her supplies and came back to help as well.

When Dean and Sam made it to the front gate they saw that Erika, Alex and Eileen were all three crouched around but couldn’t make out what until they got close enough to see you cradled in Dante Kaper’s arms while the three women worked to triage your wounds.

“What the hell?” Dean demanded and at his voice you opened your eyes weakly “Don’t hurt him Dean” then your head rolled over to the side. “She’s ok. She just passed out. Dante get her up and let’s get her inside”

------

Erika had kicked everyone out of the room besides Eileen and Alex to work so that left Dean and Sam alone with Dante in the hall outside the room you were in. “Is that her blood?” Dean asked, pointing to Dante’s shirt. The other man glanced down almost robotically “Not all. Some of it is Jonah’s”

“Excuse me?” Sam asked to ensure he’d heard right. Dante raised his eyes and Dean saw a fire there that almost made him want to like him “I killed him to save her life. I wasn’t there when they took her but the moment I got back to the compound my father called me into his quarters to brag. I found Jonah in her cell he planned to do worse than torture her…” his eyes had found their way back to the door that held you on the other side “I killed him without a second thought. I took her out the back and bought her here where I know she’s safe then I’m gonna go back and kill my father and everyone loyal to him”

“Is she worth that to you?” Dean asked, needing the answer before he allowed himself to give a Kaper even a sliver of trust “Why wouldn’t she be?” Dante replied and Dean gave him a sharp nod “Ok then. Want some help?”

------

You came to again when Eileen was washing the blood off of your face. “Eileen?” you whispered but she saw your lips move and looked up to your eyes and smiled “Thank god. What do you remember?” “Jonah..a blade slicing through him...a horse ride..Dante’s coat being around me and telling Dean not to hurt him”

She nodded “Good no concussion then” you looked around slowly “Where is everyone” you signed a bit sloppy but she got the point. “Waiting for you to wake up” “How long have I been out?” you asked and she grimaced which told you it’d been a while “A week”

Before you could have a complete freakout the door cracked open and Alicia poked her head in “You’re awake!” “It appears” you groaned trying to sit up before her and Eileen moved to help you. They shared a look then Eileen signed “I’m gonna go find the boys”

Once she walked out you looked over at Alicia who’d sat next to you “What happened while I was napping?” she laughed “Oh a revolution?” “Huh?” you questioned and she shrugged “Bobby can explain it better but just know our lives are going to be a lot more peaceful” “Where’s Dante?” you asked worry for him suddenly hitting you like a blow to the gut. “He’s fine honey. That’s one of the boys Eileen went to find”

------

You were sitting up with your feet curled under you nursing the glass of water Alicia had gotten you when the door opened again and Eileen walked in, trailed by Dean,Bobby,Sam,Benny and an unsure looking Dante.

Your crew all hugged you then you locked eyes with Dante and shared a small smile “You killed your brother for me” “He was an asshole anyways” he replied which caused a light laugh to spread across the room. “What happened while I was out?” you asked looking at Bobby who smiled “Long story short? Josiah is dead. David is back and over the civilians proven to not be under Josiah’s rule. The militia is being cleared out of dirty members as we speak and we have doubled the side of our hospital set up in the last three days”

You cut your eyes at Dante “What are you gonna do now?” Dean slung an arm around his shoulder and winked at you “Well Y/N not to put words in his mouth but I believe he was hoping to stick around and get to know you a bit better now that you’re not sworn enemies anymore” “If that’s good with you. If not I can always head home now that David is over it?” he offered and you smiled “I think I’d like you sticking around a bit” His smile told you that was the answer he’d been hoping for.

@girl-next-door-writes

@littlemessyjessi

#girl next doors make me feel bingo #supernatural au fic #supernatural au #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfiction #dean winchester x platonic!reader #sam winchester x platonic!reader #benny lafitte x platonic!reader

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letterstothemidnightsociety · 3 years

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Alright, so if you've been following along with me, Supernatural season 3 starts out on a trio of episodes that are Really Fun, slides into some episodes that are Pretty OK, then takes a real nose dive into Bummersville. Hoo boy guys, I really hope that this season picks up. I mean, it won’t, but I can still dream. 2021 was maybe not the year to start watching this season. Fair warning.

The next three episodes for this season are just, like, real downers. First we get “Fresh Blood,” which, aside from the terrible title, starts out on a high note. Gordon (gross) somehow manages to catch up with Bela (HOW??) and threatens her if she doesn’t hand over the Winchesters. Bela, in all of her class and grace, won’t give them up because she has a high price point and Gordon is really lowballing her here. Just like, yes, ok, please stay forever, you’re amazing and I love you. And what a scene this is! You have two characters, one with a strict moral code (albeit one that allows for violence and winning at all costs) and the other with almost NO moral code, but an allegiance that can be bought with the best price and it’s such a fun back and forth until Gordon pulls out a gun. And then she pulls out her phone and just has Dean on speed dial and that’s maybe my fav part. Bela has run into the Winchesters twice and they maybe legit hate her but she’s very much like, oh yeah, my BFF’s the Winchesters, I love those idiots!

I love that we come back to this moment later in the episode when Bela, like, three days later, is like, Oh! I guess I should warn the Winchesters that some crazy guy is after them! She’s just so casual about it you kind of get the feeling that, even though technically Gordon was threatening her life, she doesn’t view him as A Threat. She gives the Winchesters a heads up just to be like oh yeah, you might want to watch out for this mild inconvenience, and she seems legit shocked when Dean freaks out. There’s this moment that plays across her face like, oh shit, did I...did I fuck up? And it adds a nice bit of depth to her character. She’s seems honestly worried, both for the lives of the Winchesters but also that Dean won’t like her anymore and that is just a charming bit of A C T I N G!

I am gonna miss her SO MUCH when she dies at the end of this season. WHY did we CANCEL HER???

But despite the fun beginning, this episode is about monsters and how people become monsters and how other people are probably the reason. Because our main baddie is a vampire who hunts to...well, listen if we look at the facts that he lays out in his monologue, it’s a little more tragic - he’s trying to replace the daughters that he lost hundreds of years ago, cool motive, still murder. In practice though, he goes around turning hot blonde coeds into vampires and then ?????? Who knows. I’d like to believe that this was a problem with the CW executives or maybe casting/directing and not with the writing, but it’s SPN and you really can’t be sure with anything. The fact is, this is a CW show from the early 2000’s and a lot of their extras are cast to type. And that’s maybe me exhibiting some girl-on-girl crime, but there are other episodes that did a much less blatantly gross job casting their extras/Very Special Guest Stars.

Anyway, the POINT of this guy is that he’s a monster because someone killed his daughter and he’s just been trying to fill that grief hole inside of him for centuries. This is not unlike Gordon, who ALSO has been trying to fill a grief hole that he’s had for decades, except he’s not killing people and resurrecting them as blood suckers, he’s just killing them. And then, when the Vamp decides to turn Gordon it’s a real sweet moment of comeuppance for like, a HOT second and then you’re like, awww dude, ya done f’ed up. That was a bad idea. You’ve made a HUGE mistake.

More importantly, our Vampire In Question finally runs into the Winchesters and get’s to say things like “I was desperate! You ever felt desperate? I've lost everyone I ever loved. I'm staring down eternity alone. Can you think of a worse hell?” and also “I just ... I didn't care anymore. Do you know what it's like when you just don't give a damn? It's like ... it's like being dead already.” and Dean’s v. much like, THIS IS TOO REAL ROY.

Sam may ALSO be feeling Too Real feelings because he is DONE dicking around with Gordon and honestly yes, I like this, this is good Sam development. It’s nice to know that Sam has a breaking point. And I admit I’m of two minds about this moment because 1) I love the idea of Dark!Sam this season and that maybe Sam’s decision to actually kill Gordon is just one step in that process but 2) I ALSO love the idea of Sam Lite finally having a breaking point and Gordon is IT. I don’t know which theory I like more in this scenario, but they are both good theories.

I think as much as this episode wants to draw parallels between the monsters and Dean (thank you artful editors), you can’t look at the “I’ve lost everyone I ever loved,” line and not think of Sam? Cuz he’s got one (1) person left in his life that hasn’t died horribly, so how desperate is he about to get through the end of this season? I’ve definitely been watching this season with eyes on all the ominous Dean foreshadowing, but the Sam foreshadowing is also there, just buried under the heavy weight of a thousand smulders and suicidal levels of denial.

And also, FUCK the tag on this episode! Guys, it is CUTE but it is also HORRIBLE. Dean starts teaching Sam how to fix the Impala and at first it’s all, “Oh! Adorable Brothers Being Brothers!” and I loved it but then I almost immediately hated it because you realize this is about making sure Sam can get along without him once he’s gone and Dean just accepts his own death with such casual ease that it’s just...INFURIATING!

This scene was rude and I HATE IT!

Cut to - “A Very Supernatural Christmas” Special!

Guys, I was so excited when I got to this episode. THIS is Classic Supernatural Shenanigans. Plus, you know a Holiday Special is the ultimate sign that this show has Made It, right? Or it could be a sign that they’re selling out, who knows, but I think we can say that at this point in the series, SPN is established enough to start having fun with their fans. That’s what this says to me. BUT THEN what we get is like...oh boy.

First - like, I’mma beat this horse to death, but what is WRONG with this FAMILY? John Winchester very quickly devolved into the sort of father that forgot about every single holiday and did not ever, even a little bit, make up for it. It’s not a surprise, but it kind of wrecked me seeing a flashback where Baby Dean is just so attached to a father who can’t be bothered to actually care for his children. I know he’s not in this episode because Jeffrey Dean Morgan was tied up in other projects, but the fact that John doesn’t show up at the end to button the flashbacks with a But then he DID show up for Christmas! just makes this plot line that more gutting. And despite Dean’s hero worship of their father, this is maybe the Christmas where Baby Sam stops believing in his own father. The only bright side to this is that it continues to enforce the fact that Bobby should have sued John for custody. Bobby should maybe STILL Sue for custody so that Dean at least would feel like someone wants him for once in his life, damnit.

And then we wrap this episode up with the Best Worst Christmas of all, because we see Sam start to...also?? accept that Dean is about to die? Cuz that’s what this episode is really about - Dean’s Last Christmas. And everything about that makes me ~ u p s e t ~.

So Sam decides to put his curmudgeonly grinchy attitude aside in order to make it a special day for Dean and ugh. UGH. UGHGHGHG. Season three is the worst guys, and I can’t believe I didn’t realize that until right this second now.

So let’s wrap this up with "Malleus Maleficarum", honestly an episode that is mostly forgettable until we get to, like, the last five minutes. Sure, witches and curses and selling your soul, woohoo whatever.

But then we get some real Ruby centric reveals and like, WHAT is happening?? First off, the scene where Ruby and Tammy have a moment is a real Moment. There is some baggage and tension here and it is heavy. And then Tammy drops the mic when she reveals that Ruby used to be human.

THEN, Ruby legit saves their asses by killing Tammy with a fancy magic knife. Ok, Dean does the actual killing, but Ruby brought the fancy magic knife. So between the hot and heavy tension with “Tammy” and her repeated attempts to keep the Winchesters alive, we’re left wondering what IS Ruby’s deal? I personally wonder how much of the show’s mythology the show actually has figured out at this point? Because interviews with Kripke definitely walk the line between “Oh we definitely have this whole thing worked out,” and “yeah, we’re sort of finding things as we go along,” which is maybe why it’s able to last as long as it does. More on that later.

Of course the big kicker is the final scene between Ruby and Dean. Dean is almost on board with Ruby at this point in the season, and much like his scene with the demon in “Sin City”, they share a kind of vulnerable moment together where Ruby admits that, yeah, she was human once and yeah, Hell will destroy you, body and soul, and yeah Dean’s worst fear will probably come true - he will become the thing he hunts, no ifs, ands or buts about it. And Dean knows that Ruby knows that Dean knows that there’s no way to save Dean from his fate, but they both agree that they can’t take Sam’s last ounce of hope away from him because, for both of them, Sam is their hope. Ruby and Dean both see the war happening around them and they know that with Dean gone, Sam’s maybe the last guy holding back the tide to save all humanity.

Which, honestly? Bull shit. Do you know how many hunters are out there? Neither do I, but this season seems to indicate that there are a LOT. We have barely scratched the surface on the hunter community and it’s a damn shame that they are all weirdo loners because there is a war going on. You know what works great in a war? An ARMY. Buncha mentally unstable, martyr-complex ijits who can’t put their differences aside for one damn MINUTE so that maybe, JUST maybe, the could actually defeat the evil they’ve spent their entire lives dedicated to fighting. And if Ruby and Dean wanted to help Sam, what they should probably do is get him plugged in to that community. I do believe that of all they backasswards, self-obsessed, painfully anti-social crazies out there, the Winchesters are THE WORST.

Listen tho, this was like, a solid scene between these two. Just a lot of work goin' into this and it paid off.

Anyway, back to the mythology for a hot second - This sort of loosey-goosey stumbling into your own world building is probably another one of those things that you’ll only really get in a show with this many episodes per season? It’s that room to play and experiment and just make stuff up as you go along. I think the slow drip method of releasing episodes ALSO helps in this scenario because you’re able to see what fans are reacting to in almost-real time. When viewers are binging episodes, I think you're less likely to see what specifically they’re reacting to and more wholistically they’re reacting to. And that’s not to say you won’t see those specific things that they like/love eventually, but by the time you get there, your season’s been produced in its entirety and you’ll have to bear that in mind for (hopefully) next season. But with SPN, they were writing and producing the show at the same time that some of the episodes were airing. That’s why they were able to make decisions on the fly, based on what fans responded to. And definitely by this point in the show, there was a sizeable and vocal fan base that made their feelings VERY well-known. We’re only in season three, but they’ve already had a number of con appearances and a pretty active online presence. That kind of feedback has got to be helpful, from a writing perspective, but it also allows for things like characters getting cut because nobody liked them for some dumb reason. BUT, if you’re fighting to stay on the air for 100 episodes or longer, responding to fan reactions is what’s gonna do it and that’s a fact.

#Supernatural #Supernatural rewatch #SPN #Sam Winchester #Dean Winchester #Bela Talbot #Gordon Walker #Ruby #SPN Season 3 #Fresh Blood #A Very Supernatural Christmas #malleus maleficarum #It's gonna lighten up on the next three episodes #I promise #I hope #Don't watch this season if you're still feeling 2020 #Is my personal opinion

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erin-epica · 4 years

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Woop-de-doo, it's Lord Scarlet stuff part 2

This was a post I planned on making WAY sooner, but I accidentally lost the original draft so I didn't even bother to try doing it gain until recently. And just now something happened that changed everything; and I mean what both DID and DIDN'T automatically give me the right to post this. I almost deleted my first post at that, and here's why:

In the first post, I mentioned that when I initially found out Vic was lying to me, I was quiet about it and just stopped talking to her out of fear, and then when I asked for help on what to do I was told to leave without a word. I don't think that was entirely the right thing to do in the long run, because it may have been the easiest way out but I'm better off with proper closure.

And the thoughts she left me scarred with never left my head. Time and time again, I'd find myself crying myself to sleep again at the thought of Brock forced to hide romantic feelings for Master Frown and not know who he was anymore while Frown was left unaware and in love with someone else, even if it wasn't Lord Scarlet.

And the pain sometimes came with a want to confront Vic one last time and open up to her about how I wasn't blind anymore, and how much she really hurt me. But I, again, wass scared she wouldn't care and would cut me off.

So when the pain got worse, I did what any coward would do: tell everyone else about my pain.

Now I DID tell friends of mine other than the Unikitty Amino staff about what happened, and they were all sympathetic and understanding about it. But then I told almost everyone, and then made my vent post on here (as well as Wattpad). As much as I wouldn't want to call them call out posts, they might as well have been. I didn't want people to harass Vic and make her mad...but at the same time I kinda did. I was too scared to face her that I was hoping that someone would do it for me. I even tagged accounts of Vic's. Not cool of me at all.

Now the Tumblr and Wattpad posts got me pretty much more of the same: sympathy, and acceptance that I had moved on. No one came after Vic but we could still agree that none of her actions were justified (I even got @careeningle's attention...sorry about the aneurysm)

Now comes the next important thing that happened, because I mentioned @friffinx kinda being responsible for me getting back to the Lord Scarlet Amino to write the message that I did. In it, I said that after I sent the message I did I would leave the Amino again & for good.

Well...I lied. I still checked in every day for the same reason I started venting: I kinda wanted Vic to see my message. Even if she'd ban me, I wanted to see if she'd ever notice my message. And that would've been the end of it if it wasn't for Brook.

I briefly mentioned Brook in the last post. She was another OC of Vic's, and was exactly to Brock what Lord Scarlet was to Master Frown; a carbon copy love interest. Except Lord Scarlet was far more developed and drawn & written about more. Brook didn't even really have a distinct personality, she was a girl Brock and that was it. But with reptilian overlord eyes. (To be fair, Vic drew Brock like that sometimes too)

(I didn't include Vic's art unless it was in chat bgs or whatever in the last post, but for the sake of referencing/proving a point, this is what Brook looks like)

No one really paid attention to her for the longest time. She was there in the fanfics because according to Vic, "Scarlet needed a friend." And like I said in the first post, Brook wasn't said to be canon so I never found a reason to really care for her. Plus I can only recall someone giving Vic fanart with her, and it was with Scarlet (@plastic-papercuts made it, go follow her she's gr8).

But then one day, for some reason, something in me clicked. I actually thought of a story idea for her. Somehow this bland cutout of a character had potential in my eyes, and I weirdly started liking her because of it. She suddenly felt...more real. I got pretty invested in my idea and newfound interpretation of Brook, and describing it would make this post way longer than it is so if anyone asks about it, I'll probably make a whole other post about it.

Anyway, I came up with a little plan: draw out this idea in the form of a comic and post it to the Lord Scarlet Amino. And see if Vic gets suspicious and checks out my profile and then maybe bans me. It felt a bit better than total silence and she'd probably see that someone gave a crap about Brook after all.

So I started a new chat called "It's Brook" to share my progress with the other members of the Amino, which there weren't too many of but we had fun in it. It was basically me, @friffinx , @soapycocacola, @plastic-papercuts, and a few others who aren't on Tumblr (or at least don't think are) chatting about how awful Vic was and calling out her lazy art tactics like tracing and using assets/clips right from the show. And of course me sharing the comic progress I was making. Again, this doesn't make anything we did right but it felt good getting everything off our chests. We were like a secret rebellion against an absentee dictator. One time Vic came online as we were chatting and even viewed my profile, but nothing happened. And it stayed that way until I opened Amino up one morning. For those of you who don't have it, the menu shows all the communities you're in when you open the app, and all of mine were there except for the Lord Scarlet Amino. I assumed I must've been banned overnight. But I wasn't banned from Vic's other Amino so I commented on her wall on that one. For Vic's sake, I won't show how the conversation went (and I'll explain why at the end) but here's how it went:

Me: Did you ban me from the LS Amino?

Her: There was drama in one of the chat rooms and I'm not having it. I didn't want to do it and it's not a big deal It's just an amino and you're still on this one AM I RIGHT?

Me: Yes, but I assume you read my updated bio. As I hoped you would.

Her: Nope.

Me: Oh. But you know what? Ban me from here too for all I care, I feel like you deserve to know why I left and came back: *insert me finally telling her how I know she lied, that she hurt me, and what I did was wrong here*

Her: Lol ok be that person but keep in mind that I'm one of those people that doesn't gibe a fuck lol

And then she banned me from that Amino too before I could type and submit a fitting farewell reply.

At least I finally got all the built-up emotional pain out of me, but it did help me realize something important: we never really were friends. I wanted more of her content despite all her red flags as a person so I tried enduring them, thinking it'd be worth it, and she only kinda cared about me when I was being a yes man. She never kept any promises and didn't respect me the same way I did her. So I could at least feel confident knowing she most likely didn't care at all when I first left.

@friffinx and the others didn't get banned, though, and Friff even started another chat on the LS Amino called "It's Brook 2" where they talked more about Vic being a terrible person. And it didn't take long for her to shut that chat down too and ban everyone from it that time. Friff sent me screenshots of what happened next (which again, I'm not gonna show), where Vic basically had a meltdown. She changed her username to "Little Miss Guillotine", and made a post about her being "finished with the bushit". In it, she announced that she didn't even like Unikitty! anymore but was still gonna keep/use Lord Scarlet because she wanted to. The part that made my blood almost boil wasn't her views on the show, she's free to have her opinion and I couldn't care less about it. What DID was that she acknowledged that she lied the whole time because "she didn't care anymore" and said that it was "our faults for believing it in the first place" and that "we needed to grow up"/"stop brining it up"

Ooooh boy, victim blaming, my favortie...

Since then she changed the Lord Scarlet Amino's theme to make it about The Penguins of Madagacar (again, fine with me). Either way she was still a narcissist and I thought she'd, sadly, likely never change. And my friends and I all thought that was the end of it.

Until a few hours ago...

I was browsing the Unikitty Amino and saw a new member named BlueCat. Didn't think anything else of it until the user PMed me. And this is what happened:

I didn't know what to think other than "I thought this day would never come", I was that shaken. This was so left field-ish that what else could I do but believe her? It didn't even seem suspicious or like she was trying to be a suck up, that wasn't Vic at all.

But the one thing I knew I had to do was ban her because even if she meant well and did it for the right(?) reasons, but I still asked if I should in the staff chat. @girly-glorious (also amazing so pls check her out :D) told me that yes, it was ban evasion so since I'm a leader too now I could to it on my own. But I knew I had to message Vic first and Girly told me to be careful, so this is what I sent:

And then I banned her, the end (not really)

Now I don't understand how or why this sudden behavior change happened but I don't know if I should question it in case it's personal. But again, I at least want to believe that she's really being genuine and had a change of heart because never in a million years could I imagine her being this mature. Again, she didn't demand that I forgive me or probably even expect me to. But the message still does leave me feeling sorry for her.

Now I thought that was the real end of it until I see the Penguins of Madagascar/old Lord Scarlet Amino on my sideboard.

She unbanned me.

Now I don't know where we'll go from here, if anywhere. I'm not too sure if I can really let my guard down around someone who hurt me so badly just in case she does it again. So I may not talk to her again, but if she really asks something from me, I might try and build up courage to ask her more about how she came to apologizing to me. Plus she followed me on Wattpad too.

But this is why I didn't show our conversation right before my ban or her "f.u." posts. Because I don't want people seeing more of Vic's past behavior and possibly embarrassing her about it if she ever sees this. But that's kinda why I felt like it was 100% necessary to finally make a sequel post in the end; I'm hoping people at least acknowledge Vic has changed and don't keep thinking about based on what I shared out of attempts to gain sympathy like a crybaby.

So before I go: PLEASE, DON'T GO AFTER OR HARASS VIC. I KNOW YOU PROBABLY WON'T, BUT THIS IS SERIOUS. ALL THE PROBLEMATIC LORD SCARLET DRAMA IS STUFF OF THE PAST AND NEITHER OF US WANT TO KEEP LOOKING BACK ON IT.

I hope this helps whoever's reading as much as it did me.

#unikitty #unikitty!#master frown #brock #lord Scarlet #brook #vic #vicslayer #scream queen savage #Victoria #update #amino

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tangerinegod · 4 years

Note

Hello! I am sorry to bother you but I am a senior getting ready for college this year. I am in the US and I wanted to major in the same thing you did, do you have any possible tips for me? I still haven't even looked for colleges that would be best for animation majors so I figured if you were up to giving out any tips/saying any basic ideas if you wanted to/if you had the time to then maybe I'll have a better idea! I apologise for if I sound weird! I'm tried to word it correctly but I can't 😿

hi!! i’m totally down to share my experiences! someone else also had some questions so i’m going to put them all together in this post haha, hopefully this helps! it’ll get pretty long so apologies ahead of time but art school is a lot to think about so i wanna be as helpful as i can around it, its a lot of time and money. I’m gonna put it all under a read more cus it is really really long!

i wanna start off with the fact that I had the privilege of attending school in a financially stable environment, my parents were/are really supportive so w merit scholarship i only came out with around 20-30k in debt and i also had housing support my entire time in school. they were ok with me focusing on academics so i didn’t hold a retail job unless i was out of school like summer/winter break. Ofc though i regularly take commissions/do merch/cons to try and pay for all bills that arent rent cus i did want to be financially independent where it was possible. I also did try and work during the semester but everytime i did my body would deff start to breakdown from the fact that i didnt wanna compromise schoolwork with jobs.. so just read ahead know this experience is from a student who was able to attend focusing only on school work for most of the time!

the biggest thing is knowing art school is not required to become a professional in either freelancing or industry! there are a huuuge amount of online tools and classes these days that provide the exact same education and for cheaper too. i think it depends on what experience you prefer/can handle/want but it’s definitely possible to make art/animation art your living without higher education. the thing that college will for sure give you though is the ability to meet deadlines, work even when you dont want to, and connections with peers+teachers. i think the connections part is invaluable because you’re basically coming out with a network of people you already know and who know you!

also its good to know if you want to attend/can handle art school! it’s a lot of time and energy and students get burned out really fast. the best piece of advice i got before going was ‘if you draw every single day, even if its for only like 5-10 minutes or a doodle for a whole year you should be fine’ consistency is super key because you’re attending school to draw, and you’ll have to create work for stuff you aren’t excited for at some point or another. burnout is extremely real and the only reason i didn’t experience it was probably because i got super into drawing naruto fanart again inbetween sophomore and junior year! it helped give me something to draw seperated from school which is the only thing i was drawing for since i had entered rip. a heads up id also consider myself a workaholic so i fit in ok with the ‘art school’ environment but it is suuper unhealthy. if you are fantastic at managing your schedule then it’s definitely possible to take care of yourself! freshman year i got 8 hours a sleep a night and only pulled all nighters for some second semester finals at the end. sophomore year + up though i ended up prioritizing hw over sleep and like for sure, definitely shortened my life span. there’s another q down below where i’ll go more into detail but ya, be careful w ur work balance!

another tip especially for animation is knowing for a fact what type of animation you’re looking to go into, and what the school is offering. I didn’t think i’d get into art school at the time so i only applied to two places + decided if i didnt get into either id attend community to get credits out of the way while building portfolio. honestly? i did not do a lot of research LOL but like i did end up having the chance to tour and stuff! just know that each school will have a very different curriculum. The main differences are schools that prioritize 3D (cg animation, cg modeling, ect) and 2D/traditional (hand drawn, ‘oldschool’, digital or traditional based) this is a huge difference so make sure you do research for it! in most cases a 2D/traditional program will also offer 3D since it’s at the forefront of the industry animation wise rn. My school taught 2D but like hand drawn on physical paper 2D, frame by frame. while it was a good experience it’s super outdated because digital tools make it way faster + easier! i’d recommend looking for a program that is digital 2D over traditional 2D.

if after your senior year covid is still affecting campuses in the US to keep them shut down i’d recommend attending a community college to get credits and then transferring into school. one of the negatives is paying money for gened classes when ur not there for them; if you can get them out of the way sooner and cheaper there is absolutely no negative + you could graduate earlier or use the extra time for better work or to work a job!

these are all the general tips i think i’d give on like a broad basis of attending or not to think about? let me know if u have more q’s! someone asked q’s im answering below that go more into personal experiences + work culture so heres those:

- how many hours a week do u spend studying, in class, otherwise making art? like how much of ur life does it consume?

I was basically working on art.... 24/7! since i wasnt working a job at the same time i crammed as many credits as possible into my schedule so on avg i did 18 credit semesters (around 6 classes) art classes go for 6 hours and non art go for 3, so i’d spent around 30-35 hours in class a week! hw wise it varied on the class but combined it would be around 35-50 hours a week... im guessing? on average studio classes would have 8-10 hours of hw, maybe 5 for a light week, and gened classes 5 hours w them all combined. or this was probably how things were before junior year? junior+senior year i had thesis + everything else ontop.. i’d spend around 30-40 hours on thesis a week with other classes ontop of that bc my film was super long cus im a dummy!

- is it hard going to art school n realising that altho u were probably quite talented… so is everyone else? Like. all of a sudden. ur not special and everyone seems as good as u, you know? More generally, how do u deal with comparison?

kinda?? i think instead of the idea of like you vs others it feels more of like a competition at first to be the best. this varies hugely on school culture though; my animation year was really friendly with each other and get along extremely well, so my answer to this is v different than some others who attended different schools. i think that the idea of ‘comparison’ only lasts a portion of the first year because at some point you realize that it’s not a who’s better as much as its a ‘these are my coworkers’ type thing? like healthy competition 100% because we’re all working to improve but i think most of us learned pretty early on that viewing each other as peers going into the same workforce helped a lot. also at some point everyone develops their own style/starts to develop their artistic preferences so there isn’t a way to compare whos 'better’ anymore? i dont think there ever is tbh because style is appealing based off of an individuals preferences. If anything realizing everyone else is also amazing makes you wanna work harder ig? or thats how i felt! it’s inspiring to be surrounded by so many people who create such amazing work.

- is there a lot of workaholic culture? all nighter culture?

100000% there can be a workaholic and all nighter culture. i know people who avoided it and thats honestly fantastic because i fall super easily into that pit. sometimes i’ll pull all nighters on a personal project just because i really want to finish it... i am definitely considered a workaholic all the way through and its not healthy rip... i’d estimate at the worst i was pulling 2-3 all nighters a week and only 4-5 hours of sleep on the nights i didn’t? that was only for one year tho, after that i was like yeah ok this is really bad for my health in the long run LOL so i tried to cut it down to one all nighter a week and around 5-6 hours of sleep the rest of the week! by senior year my decision to cram in full semesters paid off and i was able to consistently get around 7 hours of sleep a night + no all nighters minus finals since my schedule was lighter despite thesis 😭 while there is that culture i don’t think people view it as like a badge of honor or something to be proud of anymore which is good, we mostly view it as a flaw of the art school system and something that needs to be fixed!!

- are you glad u did it? how did u know it was what u wanted?

i am glad i did it! i’m definitely in a limbo right now of if it was worth both my time, money, and my parents money rip but i think with what i got out of it i definitely wouldn’t be as far skill wise or knowledge wise when it comes to the art industry. i would say it was only worth it for be because i had so much support going in though so i was able to focus so much on improving. if i had only been able to put in part of the effort and not make full use of the resources provided i would honestly have a different answer..

i knew it was what i wanted when i realized i really couldn’t see myself pursuing a different profession happily! despite all the bumps and stuff im fully in love with drawing still and feel honored that it’s a field that can provide a living. my second profession choice was to go into culinary school? and third option i think going was into music cus i was also a band kid hehe.

- how do u cope with ur hobby becoming ur job? how do u deal with art going from something u do for fun to something u do on command constantly?

i think seperating work art from personal art is important! in my case im doubling naruto into being personal work so i have something to fall back onto that isn’t work related. its been a hyperfixation for 12+ years? so drawing it at this point is just like personal art imo. some people have hobbies outside of art and only draw for their job! i think after attending classes for so long the idea of hobby turning into job feels extremely natural? also i enjoy doing it so thats a huge plus!

sorry this is SO long but i hope i answered your guys’ questions! if you have more just lmk!

#anon #ask #long post #im so so sorry this is like long as shit #ill literally tell you guys everything though art school should not feel like a mystery esp if ur planning to go into it!#Anonymous

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jojikawa · 5 years

Text

Goku x Goddess! Reader (P2)

Oh yeah!" Goku cheered before powering up to Super Saiyan 2, just to start out. His power was way weaker than yours at this transformation. It was his usual strategy of starting slow.

"Wait, (y/n), I didn't think you were actually going to agree! We don't have time for this!" Beerus ushered you away from Goku. "But, why not, Beery~?" you pouted. Now it was getting hard for Beerus to contain himself at the sight of how adorable you were.

"Yeah, come on, Lord Beerus. It will only take a few minutes." Goku begged. Whis tapped his Lord's shoulder and whispered, "We don't get to see Lady (y/n) fight much at all. This could be a marvelous show." Beerus grunted and eased himself. "Fine," then he glared at Goku. "but if you do anything to hurt her, you'll be answering to me."

You lit up and threw yourself onto Beerus. "Aw! Thank you so much. It's been a while since I've moved around. Lets go, Goku!"

The two of you floated up into the air, removing yourselves from the nearby humans who would be affected if you were any closer. Goku got into his normal stance, leaving him open to no attacks. You didn't have a battle stance. You just kinda stood there...menacingly!

'She's wide open!' Goku thought to himself before using instant transmission to get closer. Once he was behind you, he went it for a strike, but you quickly elbowed him with all the force in your body. You felt him quake with your elbow in his abdomen. The others saw that power of it knocked him out of Super Saiyan for a split second before it switching back on like a light.

Goku regained composure and teleported away to rethink his plan. The two of you sat at a distance before you took it yourself to close the gap. As you walked closer, clones of yourself divided from your body creating the illusion that there were more of you. Goku attacked the original one. Your cry emitted from the look-alike as if it were really you but the other clones faded away and you appeared behind him. Once the Saiyan realized that the version of you he had his eyes set on was never real, he turned around only to receive an uppercut. When you made contact with his face you pushed even harder to release the second set of force.

With that, Goku fell out of the sky, back at his base form. You never gave him a chance to go up in transformation, but it was his fault for underestimating you.

"Well, that didn't last long," Beerus commented. "I was expecting more from Goku."

Vegeta and Future Trunks were amazed and Bulma was dumbfounded and a little upset that Goku went down so easy. You floated down to his hurt body and reverted back to your normal form. "Are you okay?" you asked.

Goku sat up and smiled. "Yeah, I'm good. I didn't know you were gonna go all out from the start." he laughed.

"I didn't. hehe" You narrowed your eyes at him, looking adorable and evil at the same time. "But you didn't die when I hit you. You must be strong!" You smiled a bit more innocently. Then you got an idea. "Wynn!" You called to your angel.

"Yes, my Lady."

"Can I keep him?"

"The...saiyan...?

Beerus' eyes almost popped out of his head. "NO! (Y/n) You always get what you want, but not this time."

"Come on, Wynn!"

Wynn hovered over to you. You held onto her and held onto Goku before warping away.

The last thing you heard was Beerus screaming for you to come back.

While Wynn was taking the two of you back home, you sat in silence while Goku sweatdropped.

"Uh, Ms. Lord (Y/n)," Goku called out to you. He had a hand on your shoulder the same way he would have it when he was traveling with Beerus. "Yea??"

"As much as I'd love to hang out, I have to get back to my friends. I was telling you before that the reason there are two Trunks' is because something bad is happening and I'm the only one who can fix it." He explained.

"Mmm." You hummed. "I'm sure it can wait." You smiled before Wynn had taken you to your Sanctuary.

It was beautiful. The sanctuary you lived in had the perfect training grounds, lots of food and the best places to take naps and do cute little activities. This place was like heaven compared to what he had back at home.

"Do you like it?" You asked, gesturing to look around. Wynn had left the room to prepare food for when it was time.

"Wow! This place is cool. You don't mind if me and Vegeta come here to train?"

"Not at all." You giggled. "You're always welcome here." Goku was like a cute little pet to you. No one really came to visit you, not even Beerus. You were always the one visiting and getting gifts. It was true that you got everything you wanted but it was because you demanded it. You never had the luxury of a surprise. Now Goku was your surprise! You didn't have to be lonely anymore.

"Hey!" You called out to him. The sound of your voice interrupted his fascination with the exotic fruit you had laying around. "Let's take a bath!" You clasped your hands together.

You had instructed Wynn to draw a bath for you and Goku with bubbles and various body wash. After that was done you had told Goku to come in after a few minutes.

When the minutes passed, Goku had entered your bathroom with his Gi still on. Your naked body was submerged underwater and the bubbles of the soap had hidden any sight of you.

"You can take that off" you smiled sweetly.

"H-How long is this gonna take? I really need to go." He frowned. "We're only washing. Why are you in such a rush?"

Goku reluctantly removed his Gi and got into the bath with you on the opposite side. The water was very hot and the air in the room smelled very nice. "Ara~" you purred as you felt his legs brush up against yours. Goku couldn't help but blush at the situation. This was way more lewd than anything he's ever done with Chi-Chi and he's had children with her!

"Is something wrong?" You questioned. The Saiyan shook his head as he sank deeper into the tub.

"Alright then. The best thing to do is to just sit and relax. The hot water will cleanse you." You told him. He dealt with it for 5 mins. Then those 5 turned into 10, 15, 20!

He was relaxed. His tense muscles were soothed by the water he had shared with a Goddess.

The room was silent. The ripples and movement of water was the only communication that had been going on. You had your eyes closed, enjoying the presence of the Saiyan man all while careful to make sure to your legs were interlaced with his. Goku was just content while looking at you. He didn't know you for very long but being in this situation and your kind nature sped up the process of the feelings he was developing inside of him. He was getting a crush on you.

"So tell me," you opened your eyes spoke softly. You interrupted his thoughts again. "Have you kissed anyone before?"

Goku shook his head, thinking back to the time Vegeta mocked him for never kissing Chi Chi despite being involved with her and having children too.

You almost laughed out loud but was able to contain it to just a giggle. "Would you wanna try it now?" You asked him.

It seemed like he didn't have a mind of his own anymore. He was intoxicated by you. He nodded.

You smiled and sat up, the bubbles no longer protected your chest from being seen. You leaned over further to his side of the tub and peaked his lips gently.

"Hm?" Goku became visibly confused. "I'm not done, silly." You went back in for a deeper kiss. One with tongue. He didn't do a lot but it was his first you, you assumed and you could always teach him if he allowed you to.

When you were done you pushed yourself off of him to see he was a blushing mess.

"Does it make you feel anything?"

Goku's face really lit up after he had a moment to think about it. "That's really great, Ms (Y/N)!"

At this point, Goku had forgotten about his friends, Goku Black, and the time paradox.

"Good. I suppose you can go now." You smiled attractively. "Wynn will show you back home. I hope this bath has helped you recover and move real fluidly next time you fight."

"I bet it will! Thank you so much!"

#gokuxreader #goku x vegeta #gokucosplay #gokuart #goku #son goku #dragon ball #dating #dragon ball super #anime cosplay #anime gif #animelove #anime #anime aesthetic

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maraudererasmut · 5 years

Text

A/S/L

You've been connected with a stranger. Say hello!

Stranger: Hi

You: Hello!

Stranger: asl?

You: Really? That's the first thing you ask?

Stranger: isn't that what people do here?

You: Not if they want to have a real conversation…

Stranger: does anyone actually want to have a real conversation on this site?

You: I mean… I do. Why, you don't? Why are you here?

Stranger: if I said sexting would you judge me?

You: Yes.

Stranger: well then, I'm here to talk to random people I guess?

You: Nice catch.

Stranger: I thought so

You: Do you use this site a lot?

Stranger: define a lot

You: Everyday?

Stranger: no

You: Once a week?

Stranger: …

Stranger: maybe.

You: Hey, I don't judge. I'm here, too.

Stranger: why are you here?

You: I dunno, I'm just bored, I guess? I like talking to people. Especially strangers. It doesn't matter what I tell them or what they tell me. We'll never meet again.

You: Y'know?

Stranger: yeah I get that

You: You can be completely honest with a stranger. You don't have to hide anything.

You: Except, of course, your name and address and any identifying information…

You: But everything else is fair game!

Stranger: makes sense

Stranger: so is there anything in particular that you wanted to talk about?

You: Oh… um… I don't know. I guess not. How about you?

Stranger: no

You: Okay… um… What kind of things do you like? Do you have any interests or hobbies?

Stranger: i like drawing I guess

You: Oh, that's awesome! What kind of stuff do you draw?

Stranger: just random things…

Stranger: sometimes what's on my mind, sometimes comics, sometimes characters from things that I like

You: What kind of things? Books? TV shows?

Stranger: um

Stranger: tv shows I guess

Stranger: books too

You: Which ones?

Stranger: well…

Stranger: have you heard of the timetale series?

You: Oh my god, that's my favourite!! I love the Timetale Series!!

Stranger: the books or the movies?

You: The books, obviously. Don't get me wrong, the movies are fine, but the books are SO much better! They go into so much more detail! You actually get to learn about Tesser's character and his motivations! Not to mention they completely took Arch out of the movies altogether!

Stranger: and I thought I was a dork

You: Haha, sorry. I get a little nerdy when I'm talking about things I like!

Stranger: don't be sorry. tts is my favourite

You: Who's your favourite character?!

Stranger: seith

You: Oh my god, SAME! I love the way they've developed his arc! And the fact that they weren't afraid to make an openly gay character! That's so important in fiction. God, I want him to end up with Tesser so badly.

Stranger: he won't

You: Why do you say that?

Stranger: have you read book six yet?

You: Of course.

Stranger: tesser likes finley

You: No he doesn't! He sees her like a sister!

Stranger: no

Stranger: it's obvious that they're going to end up together

Stranger: that's how books like that work

You: This one is different! I honestly think the author is going to make the main character bi. I really do!

Stranger: seith won't end up with tesser anyway

Stranger: he's gonna end up with camden

You: Camden?!

Stranger: yup

You: Why do you say that?

Stranger: because of the sexual tension

You: That's not sexual tension! They hate each other!

Stranger: exactly

You: It's not gonna happen

Stranger: it will

Stranger: and when it does I'll say I told you so

You: How? We're on RandoChat. It'd be statistically impossible to match with me again!

Stranger: you could always give me your email address

Stranger: that is

Stranger: if you wanted to continue talking

You: …

You: I guess…

You: Maybe at the end of the chat…

Stranger: cool

You: So… what else are you into?

Stranger: I like music

You: What kind of music do you listen to?

Stranger: mostly classic rock

Stranger: stones

Stranger: beatles

Stranger: zeppelin

Stranger: acdc

Stranger: queen

Stranger: I could go on

You: Those are awesome bands! I'm a big fan of Queen myself.

Stranger: who isn't

You: Good point.

Stranger: learning the guitar now actually

Stranger: hoped I could play bohemian rhapsody before christmas

You: Awesome!

You: Why Christmas?

Stranger: iunno

Stranger: it's just an arbitrary date

You: So…

You: What do you do? Are you in school? Do you have a job?

Stranger: I'm in school

You: What do you study?

Stranger: english

You: Seriously?

Stranger: yeah why?

You: Well, your grammar kind of sucks for someone who studies English.

Stranger: my grammar's fine

Stranger: I just don't care about typing properly or anything

Stranger: what about you mr grammar

Stranger: what do you study?

You: How do you know I'm a guy?

Stranger: just a hunch

You: Well, I am, but you shouldn't assume that.

Stranger: but I was right

You: And how do you know I'm in school?

Stranger: another educated guess

You: Do elaborate, please. How did you make an “educated guess” about my age?

Stranger: well, you like tts

Stranger: if you were that much older than me you probably wouldn't have read the books

Stranger: if you were that much younger than me you wouldn't have grown up with the books and would therefore probably like the movies more

Stranger: so I'm guessing you're around 21-22 ish

Stranger: you also live in a commonwealth country

Stranger: because you added a u to favourite

Stranger: I'm gonna guess you're in the same timezone as me

Stranger: because if you were in australia it would be pretty damn late

Stranger: and if you were in canada you'd probably be eating supper or something

Stranger: tell me if I'm way off base

You: …

Stranger: yeah that's what I thought

Stranger: so mr early twenty person in the uk

Stranger: what can I call you?

Stranger: other than stranger of course

You: ….

You: You first.

You: Actually…

You: Can we use nicknames? Is that okay? I just… It's weird giving out my name to someone in the internet, y'know?

Stranger: sure

Stranger: I'm… padfoot

Stranger: 21

Stranger: I live in england

Stranger: your turn

You: I'm Moony. Also 21. Also England. Please don't stalk me.

Stranger: I promise I won't

Stranger: anyway you have as much information on me now as I have on you

You: So the name Padfoot… where'd that come from?

Stranger: friends called me that in highschool cause I was so quiet

Stranger: I always snuck up on them

Stranger: my email address is even [email protected]

Stranger: how'd you get the name moony?

You: I have Lupus, so my friends in high school used to joke that I was a werewolf. Get it? Lupus? Anyway, because of that, they called me “Moony”

Stranger: oh… I'm sorry

You: No, it's fine. It happens to people. I'm over it. Not the Lupus, I can't get over that. But I'm over the pity party. It's not something I stress about anymore. It's just part of my life now.

Stranger: shit…

You: Ahaha! Okay, enough about that! Let's talk about something less depressing!

Stranger: yeah okay

Stranger: you never answered the question about what you study

You: Computer Science. I want to make video games one day, so I'm a coder.

Stranger: cool

You: Yeah…

You: Oh, shoot! I just noticed the time! I have to scram!

Stranger: oh

Stranger: it was really awesome talking to you

Stranger: honestly

Stranger: if you wanna keep chatting later you can always give me your email address

Stranger: but only if you want

You: Oh! Yeah! I forgot that! It's [email protected]

You: It was awesome talking to you, too! I hope we can do it again sometime!

Stranger: yeah same

You: Bye!

Stranger: bye

You have disconnected from the chat. To start another chat with a stranger, click here.

#text fic #my first text fic!#wolfstar #wolfstar fic #to be continued #my writing #my fic #ficlet #internet texting #wooo!#the omegle fic that nobody asked for #but i couldn't help myself #it was such a weird time for the internet!#omegle

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enchantedbride · 5 years

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I'm gonna do what I did to Tay. Gimme all of the nsfw asks with Claude!!

@blackquills-wife*wiggles eyebrows* ALL OF THEM? ALL OF THEM! (Since I have two self-inserts, I’m gonna use Claunna as my ship for answering these asks since that ship is the most developed at this point, and Joanna is well… basically me but a manakete XD).

Reminder that my not safe for work tag is #joey’s citrus garden. Do not interact with posts with this tag unless you’re 18 years of age or older, or you will receive an automatic block.

1. Is your f/o loud or quiet during sex?

Claude tends to be on the quieter side, but mostly because he’s very good at staying in control of himself in the beginning. But the more he comes apart, the harder it is to stay quiet. That being said, he’s never super loud, even at his most vocal. Although there are other ways for Joanna to tell she’s doing a good job, for example, if she gets him to start devolving into pure profane utterances or his sentences are more broken and scattered, that’s definitely a good sign. >:3c

Joanna on the other hand tends to be pretty good at staying quiet herself, and one of Claude’s favorite things to do is find out how he can draw out more sound from her, what will render unable to help herself.

2. What is your favourite sex position with your f/o?

…Do I have to pick just one? It probably flusters her to think about it, but Joanna really enjoys being bent over and taken from behind. She’s also quite partial to being face to face while she rides him. But really though, she’s down for almost anything and both of them do like to experiment.

3. Do you fantasize about your f/o in a sexual way often?

Joanna didn’t at first, but that’s not unusual for her as someone whose demisexual and just… doesn’t have a sexual interest in anyone right off the bat if/when sexual interest occurs at all. But more recently… she’s been thinking about Claude in that sort of context a lot.

4. Does your f/o prefer to be a dominant or submissive?

I think Claude has about an equal preference and gets enjoyment out of the experience whether he’s the more dominant or submissive partner. Joanna does have a strong tendency towards being a sub so he does tend to be the dominant partner more often than not because of it, but he does try to encourage her to take the reigns on occasion, and enjoys every minute of it when she does.

5. Does your f/o prefer giving or receiving oral?

Claude slightly prefers giving because he enjoys turning his partner (in this case, Joanna) into a mess but make no mistake, he’s totally down for receiving oral too. Wheras Joanna is equally interested in both giving and receiving.

6. What kink does one of you have but the other doesn’t?

Claude is probably more into bondage than Joanna is, so if there’s any tying up to be had, it’s generally him that’s tied up. Likewise, Joanna is more into the idea of being blindfolded while Claude’s not too keen on it, at least for himself, though he’s down for it if the other partner is the one blindfolded.

7. What kinks do both of you have?

Both Claude and Joanna like to experiment and explore each other��s bodies, and both of them definitely enjoy body worship. Both of them also really enjoy having sex while not undressing completely (although there’s a lot of fun to be had in undressing and redressing each other too), and in the case of a quickie there’s a certain thrill to cleaning up quickly and resuming their daily schedule as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened and laughing about it later when together before bed at night. Claude likes to tease in bed just as much as he likes to tease in general, if not more, and despite the fact teasing is a bit of a hit or miss subject for Joanna in general social situations, she loves being teased in bed.

8. Does your f/o like it rough and fast or soft and slow?

I tend to think Claude would actually prefer more soft and slow so he can take his time with Joanna and prolong their enjoyment, but things can get rougher and faster from time to time. When their schedules only allow for a quickie, those tend to be on the rougher side.

9. If you could live out one kink you and your f/o both share, what would it be?

Oh boy… another one where it’s difficult to choose just one.I guess what comes to mind is more of a scenario. I like the idea of the two of them being in perhaps a private office that Claude uses. Claude locks the door so they won’t be intruded upon, and the two of them start getting frisky in said office. After Claude has sufficiently gotten Joanna worked up and he’s removed a few articles of his own clothing, he bends her over his desk and lifts up her skirt, pulling down her undergarments and teasing her about how wet she already is for him. She teases him back, but he’s a bit better at goading her into pleading for him. Of course, he happily obliges her when he’s satisfied that she’s ‘demonstrated enough’ how badly she wants him. He tells her to be as quiet as she can, but warns her he won’t make it easy for her, and of course, he doesn’t.

10. Has your f/o caught you masturbating or vice versa?

Yes, it’s probably happened on occasion. Although the two of them sometimes like to make a game out of purposely watching the other and seeing how long it takes before the other one can’t stand it anymore and pleads to let them touch the other. I have a bit of a mild voyeurism kink so…

11. How do you two feel about shower sex?

*sweats* Uh… Joanna really likes it. Like, a lot. Claude probably isn’t as into it as she is, but he’s definitely down for it. For her it’s a sensory thing because she likes the feeling of being soaked from head to toe and running her hands all over Claude when he’s the same way. (Although she also really enjoys showering/bathing together as a form of non-sexual intimacy too, as a way of gentle touching and caring for the other person.)

12. Is there anything about your f/o that stands out sexually?

I’m not entirely sure how to interpret this question. Is this about kinks? Size? Stamina?

I do like to headcanon that Claude has good stamina and can recover pretty quickly to go for another round if he and Joanna are up for it. I don’t have any particular headcanons about his dick other than the fact he and Joanna fit very well together in a more… physical sense. *winkwink*

13. Do you think your f/o would roleplay with costumes or would that be too silly?

Neither of them really do that sort of thing much, although they’ve tried a couple of things at least once. They do like to tease each other and ‘play fight’ on occasion (although Claude and Joanna always make sure the other person knows it’s pretend and not a real fight, especially since Joanna’s autistic traits mean she’s more likely to read a situation literally without some help). Once Claude learns about Joanna’s past as a major religious figure in her homeland, he does at least once make a joke about how even though he’s not particularly religious, there is a goddess (or rather a goddess’s envoy) he’s quite happy to get on his knees for.

14. Does your f/o cuddle after sex or do they prefer to do other things?

Claude is definitely a cuddler and he’s a bit disappointed when he doesn’t get to cuddle afterwards. Although tbh Joanna’s very much the same way so it works out.

15. Is your f/o into pain during sex? if yes do they give or receive it?

I don’t think either of them are particularly into it especially, although Joanna does like to bite and nibble, especially on his ears and neck. He does a little bit of it himself to her, especially giving her pointed ears a little playful tug with his teeth every now and again.

16. Who finishes first during sex?

Joanna. You kind of need to be watchful with her because she’s got some major tactile sensitivity. There are some spots where if you really abuse them she miiiight come a little too quickly. Unless that’s what Claude’s aiming for, which is the case in some circumstances.

17. If you have more than one f/o, do you have sex with them individually or at the same time?

Claude isn’t currently involved in any polyships of mine (although Manakete!Joanna is in one version of her Awakening verse), but if he were Joanna would probably do both (have sex with her partners individually as well as at the same time) unless for some reason or more of her other partners wasn’t cool with that.

18. Did you two have sex on the first date?

No. But it took a while for both of them to come to the point of falling love with one another romantically (I don’t headcanon him as demi, but because he is slow to trust normally it still takes time for certain attractions to form and have staying power), and by the time they confessed Joanna’s sexual attraction to him was already beginning to bloom. So it wasn’t terribly long before they did start sleeping together.

19. Are there any specific things your f/o needs in order to enjoy sex? e.g. having the lights on or off, being on the recieving end of the pleasure etc.

I headcanon that for Claude, sexual and romantic attraction are difficult if not impossible to separate. And he needs to really trust a person before romantic attraction can form because of his past. So, indirectly, he really needs to trust someone in order to have/enjoy sex with them. Luckily with Joanna that’s not an issue as he trusts her completely (and of course the two are madly in love and hopeless romantic dorks about it). But other than that I don’t really see him as needing anything in particular.

For Joanna, she can’t really get into it if she thinks there’s a good chance they’re going to be caught/walked in on. As long as she’s certain they have some privacy or at least have a good chance of not being intruded upon, she’s good. (So semi-public sex or stuff that’s in an unusual location isn’t off the table, she just needs reassurance that they’ll generally be safe to do it there.)

20. What kinds of things does your f/o say during sex subconsciously? Is it just swearing or do they blurt out dirty talk?

He swears a little, although he doesn’t really devolve into just swearing until he’s close to coming undone. He tends more towards dirty talk for certain, and he’s learned the right kind can really have quite the enhancing effect with Joanna. There are some words he avoids though since certain words make her upset due to trauma reasons (degrading names for example, or any degradation really is absolutely off the table. he’s not really into that sort of thing anyway but he was thankful Joanna told him ahead of time anyway.).

#something worth everything (claunna)#joey's citrus garden #not safe for tumblr (n/s/f/w)#thekingaboo #oof this took forever to write

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thechrispavon · 6 years

Text

Okay, I think I'm in the mood to talk about 2018 and the year to come.

(Originally posted on Twitter)

2018 has been... an odd year, I guess? It definitely wasn't as bad as my 2017, but I always think it could've been a bit better. I think I'd give it a 6 or a 7 out of 10, mainly because I think I could've done more. (Plus, my 2017 was flat out horrible.)

I started 2018 finally getting employed. Even though it was only a part time job, it was my first job after I finished my Bachelor's degree in 2016. Constantly applying for jobs and getting no response greatly contributed to my depression.

And even though I occasionally apply nowadays, I at least have my current part time job to fall back on. It makes my job-hunting less soul-sucking. While I take calls for theater patrons who want to order tickets, I slowly got to know my co-workers.

I feel like I didn't really open up until summertime, which was the theater's off-season. I can say I've met a few friends. Some of them have their quirks, but I don't mind. Through working, I've noticed I have more patience than others. And boi, it comes in handy.

Plus, with a part time job, I get to treat myself! AND BOI, DID I DO THAT! I got myself a Switch on my birthday, a bunch of merch at NYCC, several games during Christmastime, a new phone, and that KH3 Deluxe coming next year! I'd hate to flex, but I worked for it. XD

Creatively this year, I've been mentally throwing stuff at a wall to see what sticks. At the end of last year/beginning of this year, I talked to a producer and showed him my writing work. I was just happy to talk to him.

To be honest, I didn't expect much from the conversation, so being able to show him my work and get feedback was pretty much an honor! Lol Afterwards, I went to work brainstorming and developing new ideas, but they were a hit or miss. I feel like some ideas need more time.

Meanwhile, I managed to finish writing the Children of the Sky Episode 4 Script around October. I was ecstatic. I don't remember when I started that! It was a long time, way before I wrote the Series Bible in January 2018.

Speaking of the Children of the Sky Project: Even though I finished Episode 4 and I'm currently writing 5, I really don't know what's going to happen with the project in 2019. Honestly, I've never been this unsure with the project before.

Children of the Sky is a huge story, and yes, I could continue writing scripts, but I REALLY want to share it with people. I wanted it to be animated. That's why I wrote screenplays. I tried to do it back in 2016 with a couple of people, but it turned out to be REALLY difficult.

I tried to make Children of the Sky into a comic all on my own, but I became absolutely exhausted, because I'm a huge perfectionist. It took me a few weeks just make this one panel. (And looking at it in hindsight, there's a bunch of things I could've done differently.)

I toyed with the idea of turning my story into a video game series, because that would be awesome. (I can dream, okay?) I thought about how battles would play and I even dabbled once into very basic 3D modeling, but honestly? I don't know anyone with that expertise.

I know I could hire people who know how to draw, animate, make 3D models, or even program a game, but with my expectations and standards, I can't afford to properly pay them with my part-time job. And I'm terrified of crowdfunding, because what if people don't like my ideas?

Only recently have I begun to think about turning Children of the Sky into a series of novels. Using my scripts as a foundation, I would have to greatly revise the episodes to properly fit the medium. It will take some time and I don't know if I'm really keen on the idea.

And I haven't even started on my stuff on YouTube!! My "Throw-Stuff-At-Wall-And-See-What-Sticks" mentality REALLY transferred over to that space in 2018. I tried to do vlogs, dabbled in reviews, and I don't know what else. Just some random videos. I need a focus. Or a coach lol.

My Most Viewed YT Videos I made in 2018 were...

Kingdom Hearts III Release Date Reaction

My Manga Collection

Cloud and Sephiroth But with Ed Edd n Eddy Sound Effects

Devilman Crybaby Fast Review

Reacting to KH3 is Hard

VA Demo Reel

The KH3 Release Date Reaction was just good timing, because I released it RIGHT after it was announced. FF7 with Ed Edd n Eddy was just a meme. And my demo reel only got that much views because I marketed it to Voice Actors on Twitter often.

Right now, I don't know what I'm doing for YouTube! Lol I've been debating on doing a video on how Kingdom Hearts means so much to me, but I'm hesitant, because I don't know how people are going to take it! XD But outside of that? I have no idea!

Let's change the subject to voice acting!

This past summer, I came out of a massive hiatus. Before then, I hadn't been doing voice acting in YEARS. What prompted me? Some idiot I worked with once decided to go to recording studios and anonymously slandered a couple of well known voice actors.

But that absolutely PALES in comparison to the whole Mylez Dimitrovski fiasco. The worst thing? I worked with the guy a couple times. I kinda chatted with him. But I knew NOTHING about his shit. Only hints I get from other voice acting friends in the past.

I missed voice acting during my hiatus, but nothing really inspired me. I was so pissed off about these two that I felt COMPELLED to actually get back into it.

I met some voice actors online because of this, but I still honestly feel like an outsider to the voice acting community. I quickly became aware of how my quality isn't as good as anyone else's. Plus, getting rejected auditions still feels like crap today as it did years ago.

I got to Round 2 of Now Voice This and I was very shocked. I did not expect that at all. I just submitted a few days before the deadline and tried not to think too much about. When I saw my name in Round 2, I didn't believe it. My first thought was, "You're kidding, right?"

But now, I unfortunately have to take another voice acting hiatus, because my family and I will be moving soon. The new house will be closer to work. It'll still be in the same state, so no California or Texas for me!

I'm concerned about where to record in the new house, because most of the place has hardwood or tiled floors. Reverb's gonna be horrible. Maybe I could ask my parents to install a studio? I would need to upgrade my equipment, because I don't think my Yeti's gonna cut it anymore.

But yeah. For the past couple of years, my parents have been thinking about moving and have been looking for houses. They just bought the new house last month. So it just created this weird seismic shift in my life. 2019 is really going to be marked by my family and I moving.

I've been in the old house my entire life. Sure, I was on a college campus for 4 years, but the old house was my childhood. I don't know what's going to happen in 2019. I just want to get used to the new house and play Kingdom Hearts III.

#I made a thing!#telegraphs

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strawberry-milktea · 6 years

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9-18-17 pt1: Hi. I'm feeling really empty right now. I came to my faith at 11 and I grew up in church rather than in a relationship with God. I remember just jumping into this whole life style of trying to do "the basics" (church, bible, praying,) without realizing I didn't even know the "basics" about the basics if that makes sense. I definitely didn't know what I didn't know and struggled for so long as a result of thinking I knew everything I needed to. I thought faith was like superpowers...

9-18-17 pt: I thought a relationship was instant when you do in fact have to pursue that with God. I thought all the spiritual maturity, depth, strength and intimacy was instant too. I didn’t realize it’s the *opportunity* to start and build a relationship that’s instant. It’s the *potential* to grow and become spiritually mature that’s instant. I have struggled so much to take my faith into my own hands and learn for myself what my parents or church didn’t teach me. I’m grateful but this is… 9-18-17 pt3: this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. The holy spirit still kinda scares me. I grew up seeing people fall out involuntarily because of Him. When I got saved and baptized, both times I was terrified because I thought I was gonna fall out too. I STILL don’t really understand what God sounds like and it kills me. Because I hate doubt and long to be obedient and recognize His voice. No joke, I always want to think he sounds like Mufasa from the Lion king. LOL But.. 9-18-17 pt4: I honestly am so confused about the spiritual nature of God. I was prophesied to awhile back and was told to lie prostrate. God told me to visualize laying before Him and he would take me to his throne room where I would taste & see that he was real. Everything in my mind was so hazy and I worried I was making it all up, recalling what others said God/His throne rm looked like. I never really saw much of anything & I’m so scared. I have no idea what went wrong that it didn’t work… 9-18-17 pt5: I honestly came on here to talk abt something totally different but ended up pouring out something else entirely. What I wanted to ask about was how to feel when believers are either living their lives unshaken by fear over the world nearly ending, or they’re so aware that they’re frantic that others aren’t frantic too. I’ve seen too many rapture debates & endtime prophesies. I just turned 23 on 9/15 & feel like I don’t even have time to get my godly life together before time is out 9-18-17 pt6: I honestly feel really nervous. Between the sept 21st stuff with the feast of trumpets for united nations, the predictions for sept 23 with the constellations, Christians debating if the rapture is even biblical, if the mark of the beast is here or not, if its an rfid chip or not…I don’t know how to sleep at night. I took down my little collage of how I thought my life would go, trying to literally surrender to the fact that I don’t know God’s plan for me and I’m cool with that. 9-18-17 pt7: I’m still learning how to do this. I’ve been planning to go back into college in January and I’m applying to Christian colleges and looking at faith focused majors so I can be sure that I’ll learn how to be more active for God. I’m doing everything on my own now and I’m still struggling fighting distractions and relying on discipline because I am really shy and feel like I’ve done nothing for God’s kingdom, which is embarrassing considering I have been a believer since I was a kid. 9-18-17 pt8/8: I know this was a lot, please forgive me but i am seriously freaking out. I’ve been crying & feeling hopeless over this. I’m just trying to do the right things. Get right with God. I want Him all over my life. I deleted all of my kpop & worldly music today. My flesh was screaming. I don’t know what to want anymore. God just blessed me w/ a new job & turning another year older. I still want things like marriage & a family. Still pure til marriage. Yet I’m so paranoid abt my future? —Hi there,I want to apologize for such a late response, since you sent this so long ago.. I hope that you still follow/check back and happen to see this response.It’s definitely not uncommon to experience what you are describing about being raised in Christianity but coming to realize there is more to having a relationship with Him than simply being raised a Christian. Speaking personally, I was raised a Catholic from infancy - I made all the sacraments, went to Sunday school, and attended mass with my mom frequently. But in reality, I was just going with the motions. Once I was born again, I realized I had been spiritually dead as a Catholic. As a Catholic, I didn’t read the Bible and sinned in various ways without a second thought. I blindly followed Catholic doctrine that isn’t in agreement with Biblical scripture and I didn’t know any better because I didn’t read the Bible. Once I was born again and truly started my relationship with Christ, I left Catholicism, started studying the Word, and found a church that accurately follows what the Bible teaches. Our circumstances aren’t identical, but they are similar in the sense that we both came to a point of realizing our faith in Him is more than being raised a Christian and that the vital basics of faith/a relationship with Christ are overlooked when one mistakenly thinks being raised with the Christian label is what it means to be a Christian. But this realization isn’t something to fear. Rather, it is something to be thankful for! What I’m seeing here is you realizing that having a relationship with Christ and developing spiritual maturity is something that of course requires His intervention/drawing of us, but also requires our dedication and refusing to give up, even when we find ourselves in rough patches in life. The reason you are able to realize this is because He is helping you to realize and has opened your eyes. And this is great news!You are going to heap a substantial amount of stress on yourself if you believe that you are solely responsible for your spiritual growth. It’s great that you are taking responsibility and trying to learn things that your parents/your church didn’t teach you. And like I mentioned above, it’s definitely true that we won’t grow if we sit stagnant and don’t make effort to know Him better (e.g.: we won’t be able to learn the Word and therefore learn about Who He is if we don’t make the active effort to read it). But at the same time, please always realize you aren’t alone in this. The Lord is with you and He is responsible for our sanctification and our learning/understanding of the Word: “However, as it is written: ‘What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived’—the things God has prepared for those who love him—these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words. The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit.” - 1 Corinthians 2:9-14“But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” - John 14:26When you realize that you aren’t in this alone and trust that He will guide/teach/strengthen your faith if you rely on Him, it takes a lot of the burden off of yourself.There is absolutely no reason to fear the Holy Spirit! I have heard of people saying they fall down/collapse in the presence of the Holy Spirit like you have described. However, not everyone experiences the Holy Spirit in this way. Personally speaking, that hasn’t happened to me but I do know what it is to experience His presence. And I think the best way to describe it is how the Word puts it - a peace that surpasses all understanding. The first time I experienced the Holy Spirit was during an extremely painful and frightening time in my life. It was also when I was being drawn to a true faith in and relationship with Christ/when I was newly born again. In the midst of that turmoil, I experienced an overwhelming sense of peace that made no “logical” sense. I had no reason to feel peace given the circumstances. I just felt at peace and had a general sense of “everything is going to be okay”. I didn’t understand what it was until I talked to a more mature Christian who pointed me to scripture that explained this. The point I want to drive home is, the Holy Spirit is not Someone to be fearful of. He is our Helper (also referred to as Comforter or Advocate, depending on the translation) Who brings us peace and provides us with the conviction we need to correct our behavior when we sin. Don’t allow the thought of collapsing in His presence cause you to fear or shy away from Him. That may not even be how you experience Him and say if it were, it wouldn’t be a frightening experience if it’s His presence you are experiencing.Regarding hearing God’s voice, it’s not always experienced as hearing a literal voice. I explained my experience with this in bit more detail in these asks if you want to take a look.Regarding what you mentioned about visions of the throne room, I have heard accounts of this and while I am wary/don’t automatically believe every claim of this, I don’t dismiss the idea that the Lord could allow visits to heaven/the throne room if it is His will and He has a purpose for it. But you don’t need to have one of these experiences to taste and see that He is real. I’m kind of getting the impression from your words that you feel something is wrong if you didn’t have this experience. Faith in Him and developing a relationship with Him allows us to taste and see He is real. We should never base our belief in Him on having a vision to prove it to us.. so please don’t let yourself fall into that incorrect mindset. You don’t need a vision of the throne room to have deep faith in Christ. When it comes to the end times stuff, my advice is to not allow yourself to get wrapped up in it - meaning don’t become obsessed or fixated on it. Many Christians have an unhealthy fixation on end times to the point that they ignore what scripture tells us about it (e.g.: setting dates when scripture tells we will not know the day or hour) and living in a state of panic. Instead of focusing on the amount of time left and what day it could be, what we should do is be aware of the signs taking place in this world that point to His return and be spiritually ready as if His return could be at any given moment (like Jesus instructed us to do using The Parable of the Ten Virgins). I have an end times tag that you may be interested in looking at. I also highly recommend listening to Pastor J.D. Farag if you want accurate, Bible based commentary on end times (he does weekly prophecy updates).When we fix our eyes on Christ, focus on strengthening our relationship with Him, and have our goal be for Him to sanctify us so that we become more and more like Him, there will be no reason to fear His return. Whether it’s His return or the moment of our last breath, we have no way of knowing precisely when either of those will be or which one will come first for any of us. There is no good that comes from living in a state of panic about either. If the panic comes from fearing you aren’t right with Him, then that’s when you use the time you have in the present to make yourself right with Him.. and from what you are saying, it sounds like you are taking these steps. So keep doing that! Keep desiring Him to be all over your life and to convict/guide you to remove things that don’t belong in your life. Don’t feel embarrassed over wishing you had done more work for Him at this point. I was far from a kid when I was born again. Rather, I was an adult woman. And before that point, I wasn’t doing work for His kingdom because I didn’t know Him.. has that stopped Him from using me once my eyes were opened? No! He made a way for me to do work in various ways, including this blog. I’m a shy/reserved type of person, too. But when He is guiding you to do the work, He will allow you to do work in ways that suit your personality (for me, He has allowed me to work through social media) and He will bring you into situations that force you to break out of your comfort zone and simultaneously grow spiritually while helping others (which He has also done for me). When He gives you the words and guidance, He fills you with courage to accomplish things you normally would feel are impossible for your personality type. It will happen, just trust Him and don’t give up!Regarding the future, I understand all too well the desire to want to control the way your future unfolds or to at least have some idea of what it will be like. But part of faith includes laying our future in His hands and trusting Him to unfold it according to His will, according to His timing. It’s much easier not to be paranoid and frightened when we do this. And this is something I am still learning to get stronger at myself.I hope you found this helpful and once again I apologize for taking so long to respond to this.. I hope you see this and if you have any other questions or want to continue discussing this, please let me know!

#God #asks #anon #relationship with God #the Holy Spirit #God's voice #end times #fear

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