#note to self see if there's a full version later

[novafire-is-thinking]

Medic, Maverick, Maniac, Murderer: Understanding Pharma

First thing’s first: I love Pharma, dearly.

In all the time I’ve spent evaluating his character, I’ve mainly focused on what can be worked out about who he is as an individual: his core sense of self, psychological drives, subjective worldview, etc.

When all else is stripped away, who is Pharma?

This treatise is the product of obsessing over Pharma, analyzing canon (and extras), and reading as many different perspectives on his character from fans across the fandom as I could find. The post is long, so for those of you who balk at the thought of reading a shortfic’s worth of Pharma thoughts, feel free to read the TL;DR (Conclusion) at the end and then decide if the full read is worth your time. Also, a premium reading experience is available in the form of the original Google Doc version.

As you read, keep in mind that this is primarily a mix of psychoanalysis, evidence-based examination, and speculation—not moral, ethical, or sociological commentary. The goal is to examine Pharma’s psychological drives and core values, and each of his appearances in the context of those. All other types of evaluation are up to readers.

Now, take your victim blaming-allergy meds (just in case); remove your black-and-white thinking caps; and leave your personal morality lenses at the door.

Psychological Drives & Core Values

Why does Pharma act the way he does? What gives him a reason to keep living? What are his personal priorities?

At the beginning of the Delphi arc, First Aid establishes Pharma as a “control freak” and someone who “thinks he’s an expert on everything.”

Now, First Aid has a habit of complaining about his bosses, but on both points, there’s canon evidence to back them both.

Expertise and Intellect

Throughout the Delphi and Luna 1 arcs, it’s established that Pharma is a skilled and brilliant doctor.

He once performed a 4-way fuel pump transplant, donating his own fuel pump in the process. (see above panel)

Later, he invented a soundbomb that left an echo laced with a virus and invented an antidote to that virus:

And on Luna 1, he was on the edge of finding a cure for Cybercrosis, based on the fact that Swerve was able to formulate a cure from his notes.

More than being a doctor, Pharma lives for intellectual and scientific achievement as a physician scientist. He feels most alive when he’s able to solve complex medical problems, and when his achievements are recognized by those whose opinion he considers important.

This is Pharma’s 'why.'

And even though he’s arrogant and enjoys praise, it’s not his primary motivation. He doesn’t need it in order to set his mind to whatever he’s interested in, although he’ll seek it from those he values most (i.e. Ratchet).

Pharma sees himself as less of a doctor, and more as a scientific innovator or medical maverick. The practice of medicine is primarily a catalyst for his creativity and intellect; it’s not an end in and of itself like it is for someone like Ratchet or First Aid.

First Aid’s observation of Pharma can be better phrased as, “[Pharma] thinks he’s an expert on everything medical”—because he’s not so driven by achievement and admiration that he’ll grovel at the feet of strangers and get good at something he doesn’t personally find interesting. The only time we see him express a desire for praise is when he’s around Ratchet—someone he holds in high regard for both personal and professional reasons. This makes sense since Ratchet is one of the only people who can give Pharma any kind of competition within what he considers to be his area of expertise.

“Each day we go to our work in the hope of discovering—in the hope that some one, no matter who, may find a solution of one of the pending great problems—and each succeeding day we return to our task with renewed ardor; and even if we are unsuccessful, our work has not been in vain, for in these strivings, in these efforts, we have found hours of untold pleasure, and we have directed our energies to the benefit of mankind.” ��Nikola Tesla

Ego

Without question, Pharma has an inflated ego, but having an inflated sense of self doesn’t automatically mean a person is a full-blown narcissist or that they are totally uncaring.

Every personality trait exists on a spectrum. Yes, Pharma is arrogant, but the presence of arrogance doesn’t automatically and completely cancel out all “positive” traits. (For fun, check out studies on Dark Tetrad and Light Triad personality traits.)

People are complex. Arrogance can coexist with genuine kindness, ruthlessness can coexist with deep compassion, etc.

Whether Pharma exhibits genuine kindness is up to each reader’s interpretation of what little canon material exists, but the point is: Pharma’s arrogance doesn’t automatically rule out the possibility of authentic “positive” traits.

Controlling Tendencies

Pharma is comfortable pulling the power card and using it to dump what he sees as uninteresting parts of medical practice on those below him:

“So Fisitron’s writing about the Wreckers’ elbows now, is he?” said Delphi’s Chief Medical Officer. “Come on, First Aid - get to it. You’ve got a Fader in Row 2 downstairs.” He squeezed the air with his finger and thumb. “He’s about this far from shutdown.” —from Bullets by James Roberts

However, there’s nothing in canon indicating he’s power-hungry in a megalomaniacal sense. He’s not Starscream or Megatron; he doesn’t seek political or social power. In fact, he seems perfectly happy hiding away in a lab or medibay by himself so he can direct all his energy toward solving issues and achieving the so-called ‘impossible’ within the field of medicine:

The ways in which Pharma exercises power and control are through his expertise, and his administrative/management skills. That’s it.

Self-confidence

Pharma’s arrogance and controlling tendencies don’t seem to be a mask—like he’s trying to compensate for some sense of lack (in those areas). Yes, he fears failure, and yes, he displays some insecurity when Ratchet questions his competence. But at every other point and in every other way, Pharma is unapologetically self-confident. He’s fully self-assured of his intellectual prowess and problem-solving capabilities; he knows what he knows, and he also knows what he doesn’t know.

Pharma’s arrogance and desire for control don’t stem from a hidden lack of confidence or a hunger for power on its own. They stem from the fact that he genuinely sees himself as the best person for the work he does. He trusts himself above anyone else to solve problems that come his way—medical or otherwise (within limits).

Elitism vs. Superiority

I’ve always read Pharma as having an elitist attitude, but not in the social stratification sense:

elitist (adj.) relating to or supporting the view that a society or system should be led by an elite.

There’s no evidence that Pharma believes an elite class of people should hold the most power. Instead, Pharma’s “elitism” is actually an individualistic sense of superiority. It’s centered on him alone, and is tied to his capabilities as a physician scientist and surgeon.

Pharma sees himself as the best of the best and makes sure everyone knows it—sometimes through his words, but mostly by his conduct in the field of medicine. This, paired with Pharma’s natural temperament, doesn’t exactly make him socially popular—inside or outside of medicine:

One could argue that the “personality” Lockdown is referring to was a result of all Pharma had suffered at Delphi and Luna 1, but just as easily, one could argue he was always a bit difficult to get along with, and that his traumatic experiences merely magnified his already-present psychological patterns. Personally, I like the latter interpretation because it’s a flaw that makes Pharma a more interesting character no matter his mental state.

Everyone reacts differently to real and perceived social rejection. Some are so concerned about it that they’ll try anything to belong; others genuinely don’t care, and they continue as usual; and still others cope by shifting their mindset and developing a sense of pride in being an outsider.

There’s no evidence for this in canon, but I believe it’s within reasonable characterization boundaries to headcanon Pharma as being in the second or third category.

With either of those two mindsets, a sense of superiority can develop, or even be an inciting factor. Either someone sees themselves as genuinely superior to the majority and doesn’t mind when this alienates them from people, or they convince themselves they’re superior because the pain of accepting they were rejected for who they are is too much to handle.

Whatever the case, the point is, having an “elitist” attitude isn’t necessarily rooted in a sociological or ideological belief. Sometimes, individuals just see something in themselves that—to them—justifies a sense of personal superiority. A quick glance at Pharma’s canon appearances makes it clear he holds such a view of himself, at least to some degree.

Morality and Compassion

When Pharma first shows up in canon, he’s working at the New Institute. A lot of questionable things took place there on a regular basis—things Pharma would have been aware of, to some degree. However, his presence at the Institute doesn’t automatically mean he agreed with everything happening. Depending on how strongly someone feels about something, some people are content to disagree in silence. Not everyone who seeks employment considers it a priority that the establishment they work for aligns perfectly with their moral values. After all, there are other reasons to take a job: financial benefits, exclusive educational and career opportunities, pure convenience, etc.

I’m not here to say either way whether Pharma’s willingness to turn a blind eye to the events at the New Institute was wrong or right; that’s up to each reader to decide for themselves. However, Pharma’s choice to remain employed at the Institute for some time can say something about him as a character: his priority as a doctor and person is not to take care of everyone he encounters, or to act as some kind of moral or ethical authority.

This isn’t to say Pharma won’t ever stand up for something he regards as right or push back against something he sees as wrong, “off screen.” It’s just that everything in canon points more to a tendency to choose his battles instead of acting immediately on any moral sense the way someone like Optimus or Ratchet might.

This also isn’t to say Pharma doesn’t care about saving lives, but from what little is shown of him before Delphi, it’s hard to say how much he cared. Ratchet confirms later that Pharma was an excellent doctor for most of his life, but all that tells us is he was an excellent doctor; it says nothing about his internal attitude toward his work or patients.

However, inferences can be made based on doctors in our own world:

Being a doctor—especially one in trauma care—is far from easy. It takes a lot out of a person, and there are very few people who last in the profession for a long time. Most medical professionals fall into one of the following categories:

People possessing a strong will that’s coupled with an unwavering passion for taking care of others (the public’s favorite)

People who naturally have, or develop, an ability to switch their empathy off and on at will, or build walls around it—also possessing a strong will (the ideal)

People who naturally have a limited capacity for empathy (the one the public hates to acknowledge)

People with a strong social and professional support system (the necessary, but underutilized and underappreciated factor)

Of course, even if a person has one or more of the above, burnout can and does still happen, but individuals who have at least one have the best chances of surviving and thriving amidst the demands of the majority of medical professions.

As far as is shown in canon, Pharma never had a strong support system—either circumstantially or by choice—so something else was keeping him in medicine.

Pharma shows concern for both Tumbler (Chromedome) and Hubcap:

But even though he obviously cared enough to step in, neither instance makes a strong case for a capacity for empathy beyond the “average” or “norm.” Performing a job well is a lot different from being personally invested in the work.

Based on everything up to this point, and this later comment from Pharma, about Ratchet…

…Pharma has probably never shared the same I-care-about-everything-and-everyone view of the world. Instead, it’s more likely that Pharma holds a more rational view of his work and patients.

One of the first things learned in medicine, especially in trauma medicine, is that you can’t help or save everyone, and to hold yourself to that standard can destroy you quickly if you have a certain temperament or lack healthy boundaries for your empathy.

“There are times when it may seem as though I view sick or injured people not as living, breathing humans with feelings and emotions and people who love them, but simply as cases, as problems to be solved. And that is absolutely true. It's not that I don't have empathy, but the hard fact is that as a doctor, and especially as a trauma surgeon, too much empathy can get in the way of your job and cause you to make decisions based not on sound medical judgment but on your own emotions. Sure, I've seen things that even years later can still make me choke up when I think of them: a little girl shot and killed, a shattered young Marine who shouldn't have died but did. But you can't choke up in the ER or the operating room. To be effective as a trauma surgeon, you have to put a layer of Kevlar around your heart.” —Dr. Peter Rhee, Trauma Red: The Making of a Surgeon in War and in America’s Cities*

Pharma may have learned this difficult truth earlier than Ratchet and developed a practical way of managing his empathy that comes across as “cold.” He may have always had an ability to put up walls around his spark. Or, he may have always had little to no capacity for empathy.

The fact that the morality lock on Tyrest’s portal prevented Pharma from passing through proves he felt guilty for what he’d done, and JRO confirmed this. Therefore, it’s safe to assume Pharma had some level of empathy for his former patients, suffering moral injury when he felt he had no other option but to start killing them.

Still, looking at Pharma’s psychological drives and his behavior throughout canon, it’s clear compassionate care and morality are subordinate to his other values and interests.

*I highly recommend this book, and learning about Dr. Rhee in general. He’s a huge inspiration of mine, and one of my main sources of inspiration when writing Pharma. Level-headed and capable, strong-willed, selectively empathetic, an excellent scientist, etc. He lives for the thrill of practicing medicine both on the floor and as an expert in his field who pushes trauma medicine to new heights through his research. He also takes great pride in his hands. Seriously—the man spent an entire paragraph and a half talking about his “good hands” and how they were one of two reasons he decided to go into trauma surgery. The other reason was that he “liked action and excitement, liked the feeling of being able to walk into a tough situation and take control.” (Sounds familiar…)

Delphi

First thing’s first: we don’t know how much Pharma did or didn’t know about the DJD before agreeing to take the Delphi assignment.

That far into the war, he would have known something about the DJD and their ways of terrorizing traitors and Autobots, but for whatever reason, he took the assignment anyway. Perhaps Prowl assured him the situation on Messatine would be monitored and that the security team would be enough. Perhaps he underestimated the DJD’s capabilities, or scale of territory, and thought he would be able to handle things on his own. Perhaps Prowl gave him no choice. Maybe it was all of these and more.

Whatever the case, according to JRO, Pharma didn’t hate Delphi before the incident with the DJD.

Word of god remains a touchy subject in fandom, but in this case, it’s important because it says two things:

The DJD left the Delphi medical team alone for some time.

Being on the edges of DJD territory didn’t automatically mean isolation and harassment by their hand.

On the second point, First Aid was free to come and go from Messatine as he pleased, seeing as he attended a medical conference at Kimia five years into his assignment at Delphi:

Five years ago [mid-Delphi assignment], the leader of the Wreckers had cornered him at a medical conference at Kimia, the space station that doubled as a weapons research facility. —from Bullets

And five years after that, he was able to not only contact Springer without delay about one of Agent 113’s bullets he’d discovered in an Autobot badge…

He raced upstairs to his computer terminal and typed in a certain frequency code for the second time in his life. A face appeared on the screen and grinned. “It’s me,” said First Aid. “And you're never gonna guess what I’ve got for you..!”

…but he was also able to meet up with Springer to hand off the bullet:

“Your friend has a funny way of making contact,” First Aid had said when he’d got in touch three days earlier, and he was right.

It’s not known if this handoff happened on or off world, but either way, the DJD didn’t interfere.

At some point, Tarn set his sights on Pharma and the Delphi team. Knowing the DJD, one can only imagine what Tarn used to show off his team’s capabilities and convince Pharma the best option was to cooperate.

In striking a deal with Tarn to keep the DJD away from Delphi, Pharma established his territory and ensured his continued security and the safety of his staff. As long as Tarn got his T-cogs, Pharma could continue on in relative peace. He could work his magic on bots that ended up at Delphi, carry out his management duties, and work on whatever projects or research he may have been conducting in his free time.

For whatever reason, after he first came into contact with Tarn, Pharma didn’t call for help. Communications were still operational, as Pharma wouldn’t have suggested contacting High Command about the Duobots if the team was aware of any comm malfunctions:

Also, First Aid later confirms that communications were fine until the Big Bang (soundbomb detonation):

It’s always possible the DJD was monitoring the radio waves, but secure subspace frequencies exist, such as the Datalog Network First Aid used to send the datalog containing the death statistics:

Speaking of which, assuming First Aid sent the datalog with the statistics right when things started to get ‘weird,’ and before the Big Bang shut down comms, it only took—at most—a few days for them to reach Ratchet and Swerve on the Lost Light:

But back to Pharma not calling for help: for all of Prowl’s intel, contingency planning, and fretting over the security of Autobot territories, I find it hard to believe he would have stuck an Autobot medical team on the fringes of DJD territory without giving them some means of securely contacting the outside in case of issues.

But even if Prowl didn’t give Pharma a secure way to contact him or anyone else, and even if Pharma was convinced the DJD was monitoring regular communications, there were other ways he could have reached out for help. After all, the team wasn’t alone on Messatine. Like Pharma said, Prowl continued to send bots to defend the nucleon mines:

The Autobots had been mining nucleon for millions of years at this point, so I doubt the mined nucleon was just sitting in storage on Messatine; shipments of the stuff would have been sent off-world to wherever the Autobots needed it. Why not send a message for Prowl with someone leaving with one of those shipments? A message meant only to be sent over a call when absolutely certain they were out of range of the DJD’s potential monitoring.

Or, why not order in off-world medical supplies and send a message back with the delivery bot(s)?

There are two possible answers to this. One takes into account JRO’s word on the subject; the other is more intricate and speculative on my part, but it leads to the same place. So whatever your stance is on the validity of word of god, there’s an answer for you.

Answer one (word of god)

Simple as that. Pharma was aware of the scope of the DJD’s capabilities and relentlessness, and determined he was trapped prey.

Answer two (no word of god)

There are a few possible reasons Pharma didn’t call for help right away:

He was convinced all his other options would take too long and/or would still lead to him being put under suspicion. After all, being found to have harvested even a single T-cog from an already-dead patient for the DJD could have raised concerns that would lead to Pharma being investigated and/or having a mark put on his record.

He underestimated the severity of Tarn’s addiction, and was certain he could keep up with the T-cog demand without resorting to other means of harvesting, not realizing Tarn’s quota would increase later on.

He was already paranoid as a result of whatever mind games Tarn had set in motion at their first meeting, making Pharma think escape was futile.

Word of god or no word of god, there are clear reasons as to why Pharma ended up trapped. Most likely, it was a mix of all of the above.

Whatever was going on in Pharma’s mind before, he ended up in deeper trouble. Tarn increased his demand for T-cogs, and Pharma couldn’t keep up. By the time this happened, even if he had wanted to call for help, it was too late to do so without implicating himself. He reasoned his only option was to start killing patients to harvest their T-cogs.

Soon, Pharma was so consumed with fretting over whether he’d be able to meet Tarn’s next demand that he didn’t have time or freedom to do anything else except worry and feel guilty. His whole life revolved around Tarn’s addiction; he was no longer in control, and could no longer enjoy whatever it was about Delphi he’d previously enjoyed. Perhaps the facility itself enabled Pharma to research cures and perform scientific miracles of medicine.

Being at the mercy of Tarn—convinced the DJD would find him no matter what—would have been pure psychological torture on its own, but also knowing that any small chance he did have of getting help would end in him losing everything would have added to his suffering. Pharma became desperate to reclaim control over his life and began planning an escape.

Now, JRO has said that Pharma didn’t originally plan to use the rust plague on the DJD…but canon says otherwise:

Of course, Pharma could have been lying to make himself look better in Ratchet’s view, but based on everything he’d been through up to this point with Tarn, it’s more likely he was telling the truth and had tried to eliminate the source of his suffering first. After all, wiping out the DJD would have been the simpler, cleaner option.

When the Duobots refused to detonate the soundbomb near the DJD, Pharma’s objectives shifted. He had to get Delphi shut down in a way that would:

Convince the DJD the shutdown was legitimate.

Pharma knew chances of escaping the DJD at all were slim to none, but he was desperate. Getting Delphi shut down would cut off Tarn’s supply of T-cogs and allow Pharma to escape Tarn’s immediate control, but the shutdown had to be “legitimate” to prevent Tarn from retaliating and hunting him down later. Leaving Tarn even the slightest chance of regaining control was too risky, so Pharma had to make sure his plan was as airtight as possible. 

Cover up the patient murders.

If the truth got out about Pharma killing patients, he’d lose his medical license and most likely be put away for life. Being cut off from the practice of medicine and his intellectually stimulating work as a doctor would mean losing more than a job and a reputation. It would mean losing everything in which he’d anchored his sense of identity and life’s meaning. His refusal to consider any other options wasn’t just about ego and preserving his image as an excellent doctor; it was about preserving any kind of meaningful future he saw for himself.

Pharma needed a plan that would fulfill all of the above. Turning the engineered virus on the medical facility was the most effective and efficient solution. Anything else would have made him suspicious in the view of either Autobot High Command or the DJD, and neither of those would have ended well for him.

Because of his goal to preserve his reputation and future in medicine, he couldn’t even risk revealing anything to First Aid or Ambulon, who would have seen to his ruin. They became nothing more than loose ends that had to be tied up, and based on the fact that Pharma only prepared one vial of the vaccine, his original plan involved him being the only survivor:

He probably would have had no problem making more of the vaccine for anyone else who survived, but he wasn’t counting on it. He wanted a totally clean slate; in letting his staff die with most of his patients, he would be getting rid of any and all evidence and reminders of his failures. He may have cared about First Aid and Ambulon before things got bad, but somewhere along the way, he decided either it wasn’t worth it to go through the trouble of finding a way to save them without raising suspicion, or he didn’t want to risk them putting together the pieces later on.

Of course, when Ratchet showed up, plans changed.

Ratchet

Ratchet is not the kind of person who seeks first to understand or be understanding. He’s inclined to trust what’s in front of him over anything abstract, and tends to look at the results of someone’s actions over trying to find any kind of ‘why’ behind them. Also, unlike Pharma, he operates from a strong moral sense, and reacts quickly and strongly when something or someone goes against that internal moral sense.

Ratchet’s reaction to finding out what Pharma did may seem hasty and harsh, but it makes perfect sense on a human level. There is no such thing as unconditional love; everyone has personal and moral lines (boundaries), and they’re different for each individual. When the most rigid of lines is crossed, that’s it; walls go up and the offender is cut off, no matter how strong the relationship may have been.

Ratchet obviously knew Pharma well enough to think he could try talking some sense into him, but then Pharma revealed that he’d crossed one of Ratchet’s lines: murdering patients. Any willingness Ratchet may have had to try to understand vanished. By the time Pharma started trying to provide a ‘why’ for his actions, Ratchet’s moral judgment had already shut down any chance of understanding what could have possibly led Pharma to kill patients. It didn’t help that Pharma seemed totally unapologetic and outright proud of his plan. For Ratchet, the ‘why’ didn’t matter anymore. What he saw was what he trusted, and what he saw was a friend who’d become his idea of a monster.

Now, Ratchet and Pharma’s relationship is one of the most confusing IDW relationships I’ve had the pleasure and pain of dissecting.

It is notoriously difficult to determine the depth and strength of a relationship from the outside. However, I’ve decided to go ahead and address it anyway because it has the potential to provide insight into Pharma as an individual.

If I were to sum up Pharma and Ratchet’s relationship in a single word, I would use “ambivalent.” The first time I read MTMTE, the thing that stood out to me most about their relationship was the drastic differences between how they each perceived the relationship.

In one sense, there’s the idea of Pharma basically being Ratchet’s crazy stalker ex, which is tossed around in fandom a lot. While I personally dislike seeing it regardless of context (yes, even as a joke), I do see how JRO’s writing choices set things up in a way that makes it easy to superimpose that trope.

In another sense, there’s the idea that Pharma and Ratchet were always close friends, and that what happened at the end of the Delphi story was a betrayal of both sides that came out of nowhere and whose consequences were taken too far.

I disagree with both. Personally, what I see at the end of the Delphi story isn’t an obsessed ex gone mad, a sudden betrayal, or a badly executed backstabbing. What I see is a breakdown of an already-complicated and poorly-maintained relationship: true feelings being revealed, long-repressed bitterness being forced to the surface, carefully-hidden cracks being split wide open.

Most people don’t have an accurate understanding of how much or how little they truly know the people in their lives, often overestimating how well they know a person until something surfaces and blindsides them.

According to JRO, Ratchet was oblivious to Pharma’s romantic interest, and throughout canon, it’s easy to see Pharma was more invested in the relationship than Ratchet ever was.

The question is, did Ratchet ever care about Pharma at all? And if so, to what degree?

Yes, Ratchet calls Pharma “buddy” and “friend,” but the former was sarcastic, and the latter means something different to each person. Also, in light of the circumstances, Ratchet could have just been saying “friend” in response to Pharma saying it—an emotional appeal more than anything.

However, Pharma must have been aware of Ratchet’s lack of relational investment because during the confrontation at Delphi, Pharma’s first reaction wasn’t to appeal to their friendship (ex: “But you know me!”). Instead, he appealed to their shared profession:

Then there’s the exchange of insults: 

This is what I meant earlier by “true feelings being revealed.” Ratchet may have just been trying to match Pharma’s insult, but it’s unlikely it was merely reciprocal because while Ratchet is snarky at times, he’s sincere in that snark. There’s almost always some truth in his verbal jabs no matter how unserious they seem, and he’s never cruel for cruelty’s sake.

So, if Pharma saw Ratchet as an inferior doctor, and Ratchet saw Pharma as an inferior Autobot…it’s reasonable to assume there was always some deep-rooted competition and conflict preventing them from being super close.

Possible suspicion surrounding Pharma’s conduct as an Autobot paired with a tendency to misjudge the nuances of relationships could explain why Ratchet was so quick to decide Pharma was a lost cause. Maybe Pharma’s actions at Delphi confirmed something from the past that Ratchet had brushed off for whatever reason.

In any case, Ratchet seems to have been largely unaffected by the Pharma he found at Delphi. While leaving Messatine, he emphasizes that he’ll miss Pharma’s talent.

Not “who he used to be.”

Not “what we used to have.”

Just…“his talent.”

Later, on Luna 1, Pharma mentions that he and Ratchet were inseparable, but that could mean a few different things:

Best case scenario: Pharma and Ratchet sought each other out on equal terms.

Worst case scenario: Pharma followed Ratchet around.

Somewhere in the middle: the job forced Pharma and Ratchet to work in close proximity most of the time, and while Pharma intentionally ran into Ratchet more often than necessary, Ratchet also sought out Pharma every now and then.

Whatever the case, working with someone every day doesn’t tell you anything about who they are as a person, and the amount of time spent with someone doesn’t automatically correlate to how deep the relationship is or how well the people know each other. It’s not like either Pharma or Ratchet are shown to be good at expressing their personal feelings outside of extreme circumstances. 

Ratchet does bring up late-night conversations of the past:

But while this indicates there was something deeper between him and Pharma, because neither of them were ever shown to be super open with their true feelings, it’s unlikely the conversations were full of touchy-feely talk. In all likelihood, the conversations were mostly medicine and war-related, with the rare spark-to-spark talk sprinkled in. Also, considering everything up to this point, one has to wonder if those talks ever meant anything to Ratchet, or if he was just digging for something that might stall Pharma’s torture.

Maybe those late-night conversations did mean something to Ratchet, but whatever the case, Pharma didn’t take the bait. He knew Ratchet was trying to stall by making an emotional appeal, and perhaps he was convinced the conversations hadn’t meant that much to Ratchet.

Looking at all of this, it’s hard to believe Ratchet ever cared about Pharma as more than an interesting work friend. But even if he had cared more than he let on, it wasn’t enough to overcome the doubts he had about Pharma’s character.

As for whether Pharma truly cared about Ratchet, I’m convinced he did, but in a mostly unhealthy way, and with a strong undercurrent of one-sided rivalry. At some point, Ratchet had been an equal and a source of challenge, and he probably listened to Pharma pretty often. It’s reasonable to assume Ratchet was one of the only people—if not the only person—able to handle Pharma’s intense temperament and challenge him in a meaningful way, providing some semblance of friendship for Pharma.

However, one last thing that stands out is that, when telling Ratchet why he’s torturing him, Pharma didn’t say anything like, “Because you hurt me” or “Because you turned against me—your friend.” Instead, he said it was for “ruining things at Delphi” and because “you declared war on my body.”

Either Pharma wasn’t being entirely honest, or Ratchet’s friendship didn’t mean as much in the first place as he’d previously implied. It’s possible the ‘Because you hurt me’ was implied in “for ruining things back at Delphi,” but why not say it outright? Perhaps it was a fear of vulnerability and admitting there was ever a relational need at all.

At the end of the day, it’s difficult to say for certain how close Pharma and Ratchet were, but it’s clear they were never on the same page and there were always barriers between them.

Luna 1

Revisiting the matter of Pharma’s morality taking a backseat to other priorities, his time on Luna 1 further underscores this. Again, Pharma chooses his battles and is unwilling to put himself at great risk for the sake of others, but a closer look at the situation with Tyrest reveals there wasn’t really anything he could have done for the Cold Construct population even if he had wanted to. It would have been him against Tyrest, an army of Legislators, and a bunch of Decepticons. Pharma knew his limits, and seeing as his goal was self-preservation, it was perfectly rational for him to go along with Tyrest’s grand scheme.

Besides, it doesn’t look like he was given much of a choice:

Although, knowing Pharma, he still would have demanded to know beforehand what he would get in return for the pain, and evidently, Tyrest held up his end of the deal since Pharma had access to the Luna 1 tech collection.

As for Tyrest’s plan to wipe out the Cold Construct population, there’s nothing indicating Pharma’s decision to turn a blind eye to it was rooted in malevolence or bigotry—just rational apathy: ‘I can’t stop Tyrest, so why concern myself with the outcome?’

Again, you can’t save everyone; Pharma had all he could do to save himself.

But it wasn’t all horrible. I would even go so far as to say Pharma found some happiness on Luna 1. Tyrest didn’t care about him, but he didn’t need Tyrest to care. Everyone else there hated him, but he didn’t need to feel like he belonged or was admired. At this point, Pharma’s only interest was Tyrest’s Luna 1 tech collection, and that meant playing nice so he could keep his reward. Back at Delphi, he probably assumed he’d never again practice medicine the way he’d loved; being brought to Luna 1 was an unexpected, yet welcome, second chance.

Even so, Pharma had his moments of cruelty. Back at Delphi, he had easily-identifiable reasons to kill patients—both the ones whose T-cogs he harvested and the 20 more he tried to kill when he shot the life support machine. But on Luna 1, he had no reason to be cruel, yet he chose to be. By this point, he’d mastered the ability to almost completely ignore or subdue his conscience.

In the case of Ratchet’s torment, one could argue Pharma only drew it out for retaliation purposes; it was personal for him.

As for cutting Ambulon in half, it was obviously meant to be as gruesome as possible, yet also quick. But personally, I don’t think it was about Ambulon; it was more about hurting Ratchet. Due to the fact that Ratchet’s identity is wrapped up in his compassion and his ability to be helpful as a doctor, one of the most effective acts of revenge would be to do something that makes him feel utterly helpless.

Also I wonder if, subconsciously or consciously, Pharma was attempting to recreate the sense of helplessness he felt back at Delphi under Tarn’s watch: “Do you see, Ratchet? Do you now understand how it feels to have control ripped out of your hands? To be totally helpless?”

Next, for some reason, Pharma was invested in the promised execution of Getaway and Skids:

He had no personal connection to either of them that would give him a reason to be interested, so maybe Tyrest told him he could perform the execution and/or have the corpses for medical experimentation. Either way, Pharma would have had a chance to use some of the tech in Tyrest’s tech collection, possibly explaining his excitement.

Of course, any chance of an execution disappeared when the final showdown went wrong.

When Pharma tried to escape to Cyberutopia and discovered he couldn’t pass through the spacebridge forcefield, he gave up. He’d been caught; he would no longer have access to Tyrest’s tech collection; Ratchet and every other self-righteous Autobot would never forgive him; and the morality lock prevented him from escaping. By all appearances, he would never again be able to engage in that which gave him a sense of meaning. He had shrunken his world down to his obsessive interest in a specialized field and one significant, yet unrequited relationship. With both of these lost, his world collapsed. 

Yes, guilt played a part in Pharma’s despondency, but because he seems to have been in denial of said guilt, it’s more likely his despair was primarily due to the fact that he saw no future for himself. He had nothing left to live for.

In light of this, Pharma’s flippant comments to First Aid make sense. He wasn’t being insensitive as much as he was goading First Aid. Pharma’s not stupid. First Aid had a massive rotary cannon on him, and Pharma knew exactly which emotional buttons to push to get him to pull the trigger.

Pharma wanted to die.

Adaptus

First, let me emphasize that Adaptus did not take possession of Pharma’s body. Instead, Pharma was the unwelcome guest:

How Pharma ended up in Adaptus’ new body is a mystery, but whatever the case, Pharma didn’t pass on to the Allspark. Whether or not he had a choice can only be speculated.

First Aid had blasted Pharma’s head clean off, so whatever happened must have been related to the spark. Perhaps some residual spark energy was trapped in a body part that Adaptus repurposed, leaving Pharma tethered to the new body unwillingly.

Still, Pharma managed to assert his will and override Adaptus for a brief moment. Considering Adaptus was basically a god, this is impressive.

Based on Adaptus’ surprise at being interrupted, it seems he didn’t know Pharma was there. Why Pharma hadn’t tried to assert himself sooner is a mystery. Maybe Adaptus’ scheme was entertaining; maybe Pharma actually liked the company; or maybe he’d been waiting for an opportunity to get revenge on Tyrest for everything done to him back at Luna 1.

Sure enough, just like with Ratchet back on Luna 1, Pharma’s vengeful streak came out as soon as there was an opportunity.

Unfortunately for him, this left him vulnerable, and Tyrest took advantage of the confusion:

Conclusion

When someone reduces their world to narrow personal interests and one or a few very special people, their grip tightens around what little they have. They often become obsessive and possessive of the few things that make them feel alive, and their view of the world becomes increasingly more subjective and detached from the outside world. Pharma seems to have fallen into this trap.

Even so, in the context of the circumstances, several of the decisions he made were rational—even if coldly so. Oftentimes, “extreme” rationality and self-preservation are villainized in fiction, and characters like Pharma who don’t automatically put themselves at great risk for anyone and everyone are villainized, or at least looked down on. Their choices are often regarded as less human, but rationality and self-preservation are just as human as compassion and self-sacrifice.

Ultimately, Pharma was trapped and pushed over the edge into “insanity” by Tarn’s cruelty, but his own choices made from a place of pride determined how he fell, and how far he fell. It was a perfect storm of Tarn’s mind games and Pharma’s intellectual arrogance, excessive self-confidence, obsessive nature, and stubborn grip on the kind of future he wanted for himself.

Pharma is yet another Icarus who flew too close to the sun and paid dearly for it, and while JRO/the narrative could have given this Icarus better wings, that doesn’t change the fact that he chose to fly so high.

***

Many thanks to anyone who made it to the end of this monster of a post.

-tosses a Rodimus Star at you-

[deer-diary-from-hell]

Redesigned all of the Dandy world (+my take on the game)

”But Liam/deer didn’t you alr posted these-“

you didn’t see anything.

HEADCANONING TIME WWOOOOO

I like to think that ALMOST all of the toons just think they’re just playing a game of tag while collecting ichor like it’s a “capture the flag” thing. It’s in their blood (or ichor) to just be a bunch of childish and playful creatures, they are MADE for kids so it’s not really out of character of them to NOT think that twisteds are dangerous let alone kill them which cause them to see things differently (literally)

(still talking about this👆) If you start the game at first it’s all bright and colorful like something you would see out of a kid’s show, there’s happy music playing in the background all fun and games! Until you get hit by a twisted and lose a heart. Thats when the reality kicks in. Music stops as the colors slowly go back to the sad reality of an abandoned studio/daycare. These twisteds weren’t playing.. they were trying to kill you. This effect is irreversible even if you go back to full health. The shine in their eyes are gone. They aren’t laughing anymore, this isn’t funny. They’re scared.

(Note to self, each toon will have a traumatized look on their face after getting injured and will stay traumatized even after being healed+also applies to a toon when they witness a death of another toon)

I like to think that the twisted are like a “Failed” version of a toon, a toon that wasn’t the exact replica of itself so, it was locked away in the underground as it contorts into it’s biggest flaw(s) might design the twisteds if I feel like it.

If a toon witnessed another toon getting hit they’ll still be oblivious but concerned for their fellow friend

The twisteds prob growls and snarls due to their throats being filled with nothing but ichor, constantly leaking from their mouths as they try to kill you out of jealousy that YOU don’t get to be thrown away like a broken toy and instead cherished by children while they were called a mistake and now you’re going to experience the same pain they went through.

on a lighter note, the toons stole the clothes they’re wearing from the lost and found shortly after being abandoned and threw away their old clothes.

dandy needs those tapes so he doesn’t turn into a twisted. He wants to protect his friends from himself.

Ichor while being dangerous can be used to bring back a dead toon, only dandy knows this. Fortunately (or unfortunately) the toon doesn’t remember how they died after being revived

All toons are asexual. (Gets booed off the stage)

Do you think toons are desperate for interactions after being abandoned for god knows how long.

Astro, Vee and Shelly are the ones who don’t have the “fake reality” sight going on and knows that they’re actually in danger although for Shelly she’s sorta in denial (and ig Teagan and Rodger too? But the both of them just thinks that the twisteds aren’t really that dangerous and thought they wont kill their fellow toons)

might add more hcs soon but prob in later posts

Guys please ask for hcs for any toons you like please I’m begging on my knees I’LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING.

[hellvst]

OFFSEASON – quinn hughes

featuring ; quinn hughes x fmc (sydney gray)

✮⋆˙ warning & content ; swearing

✮⋆˙ word count ; 4.1k

✮⋆˙ previous chapter – series masterlist – next chapter

a/n ; hey...it's been over a month oops! was in a bit of a writer's block, but i'm here now. i am not abandoning this lol, i have a lot of ideas planned for this fic :D not proofread! happy reading <3

CHAPTER SEVEN

SYDNEY

Note to self: No matter how desperate a coworker asked you to fill in for them on a Saturday, don’t do it. 

I hadn’t planned on working today. The weekends were my days off, but Micah–one of the other instructors at the studio–had texted me this morning, practically begging me to cover for her classes because she had an emergency.

The moment I stepped inside the studio, I was met with a full day of back-to-back sessions that absolutely drained me. 

Although, that was all my fault–I probably should have refused the moment she asked–considering Micah was notorious for her heavy workload. We have been coworkers for a while now and she promised to make it up to me someday, so a part of me didn’t mind it. 

Now, exhausted, I finally made it home. I was quick to drop all my things onto the floor and had barely made it to my living room. My muscles ached, although the quiet hum of my apartment was a welcoming contrast to the loud and constant chatter in the studio.

I caught a moment to breathe–before my thoughts were instantly flooded with the session with Quinn earlier in the week. It was like a loop replaying in my head constantly. I could’ve easily shut them out, but no, it was easier said than done.

After I had embarrassingly fallen on top of him, I tried not to let it get to my head before the next session. But strangely enough, the following Thursday had felt like a regular routine between us. 

He came in as he always did, we stretched, and we talked during the session. A lot.

I had introduced Quinn to a different style of Pilates such as Cadillac Pilates, a bit of a challenge at first since the new equipment–the straps and bars–had intimidated him. 

But he was determined–I’ll give him that–almost stubborn in his refusal to back down from a challenge. To no surprise, by the end of the session, he had managed to hold his own.

I had to admit, seeing his drive to improve was oddly satisfying.

After getting comfortable on my couch and sinking deeper into the cushions, the weight of my eyelids were getting the better of me. Just when I was about to fully shut my eyes, my phone buzzed. A text from Diane.

‘On my way over. #readytogetfuckedup’

I groaned, tilting my head back against the pillows. 

I hadn’t forgotten about Diane’s birthday, but I hoped Diane might. Unlikely, though, she had been talking about it all week. Her birthday had been lingering in the back of my mind all day, but I’d barely had time to process it with training sessions and classes, it became a fleeting thought.

We had unofficial plans–or rather, Diane told me what we were doing later in the night.

Going to the club and getting absolutely fucking wasted. 

A page taken straight from Phoebe’s playbook. Diane and Phoebe lived by the same philosophy of go out and have fun.

It honestly concerned me how similar they were–like Diane was the younger version of Phoebe. If I didn’t know any better, I’d believe that they were related. 

I sighed, staring at the text. 

I wasn’t against clubbing. Not entirely, it wasn’t my scene. But I would be lying if I had said that I hadn’t stepped foot in a nightclub before.

There were several occasions that I had been dragged out of my own will–losing a bet to Diane, celebrating milestones or birthdays, losing more bets to Diane. I was horrible at rock paper scissors.

I wasn’t much of a drinker either, but I never shied away from drinking games or an opportunity to dance when the music was good. And if I was being honest, sometimes Diane and Phoebe were right–it was fun.

Before I could reply to Diane, my phone buzzed again. This time with an incoming video call. Simon.

Why was he calling? 

Then again, I haven’t heard from him in over a week. I promised not to bug him, knowing that he had a lot on his plate with Cassie and the baby. I told him to update me whenever he could, I just wasn’t expecting him to call this late.

“Hey, what’s up?” I answered.

Simon’s face filled the screen, then the camera shifted to show a tiny bundle in his arm. “Look who’s here. Syd, I’d like you to meet your niece.” 

I sat up straight, my eyes going wide. My heart melted immediately. “Oh my God–Simon!” I cooed at the screen, voice softening. “Hi, sweet baby girl. Simon, she’s beautiful.”

The baby stirred slightly but remained asleep, her cute little nose scrunching, her tiny face peaceful as she rested against Simon’s arms, and my chest instantly tightened with warmth. Simon was finally a father. 

“What’s her name?” I asked.

My brother offered a smile before looking at the baby. “Her name is Stella.”

Wait. I paused at the realization. “Stella? As in our grandmother?”

He nodded and smiled down at his daughter. “Funny story actually. Cassie was sleeping when the nurses gave me the birth certificate to fill out, and I was so set on naming my kid after me somehow. But then, I thought of Grandma Stella, and it just felt…right.” 

I let out a small laugh. Of course, he’d name his own daughter while Cassie was asleep. I wasn’t sure if I was more concerned or impressed that Cassie had let that slide. 

But the name was only fitting, perfect even. Our grandmother had been a significant part of our childhood. Despite our parents introducing us to our respective sports on the ice. Grandma Stella was the person who taught both Simon and I how to skate. 

The tears threatened to fall, but I blinked them away just in time. Although, my brother couldn’t miss an opportunity to tease me. “Don’t get all emotional on me now, Syd.”

“Shut up.” I rolled my eyes at him before I let one tear escape. “That’s really beautiful, Simon. But–” I frowned at him when I took note of what he said earlier. “–you filled out the paperwork without consulting Cassie?”

Simon let out a soft chuckle. “Don’t worry. When she woke up and found out, she ended up loving it. It was perfect.”

I smiled, shaking my head at him. “It really is. Grandma would’ve loved that and would’ve loved to meet her.” 

Our grandmother was my absolute world. She was everything you could ask for–sweet, kind, caring–most of all, very supportive of her grandchildren. She couldn’t make it to all of my competitions, or Simon’s games, but she still cheered us on from the sidelines even if she was ill and had already passed years ago.

Simon’s voice broke through my thoughts before I could reminisce. “Sorry I’ve been MIA recently. This past week has been crazy, and I barely touched my phone. But, I should’ve at least texted you.”

“It’s alright,” I said. “I figured you were busy with everything that was going on.”

Simon nodded, gently setting down Stella into her crib. “Mom and Dad are already on a flight out to San Diego.”

“Oh, really? That’s great.” The ‘enthusiastic’ tone in my voice wasn’t necessarily believable, Simon didn’t miss that either.

“Have you talked to them?” He asked, watching my reaction carefully. “Mom was asking about you. I thought you said you already spoke with her.”

I bit the inside of my cheek. I haven’t spoken to our parents much lately. I was so caught up in work and life that I let it slip my mind. But if I were being honest, there was more to it than that.

My relationship with my mom was fine–we still talk every now and then–but with my dad, it was different. Simon was his pride and joy, the son that made him proud and made his dreams come true–making it to the NHL. Meanwhile, we hadn’t been the same since my accident.

I had been his talented figure-skater daughter he was once proud of. Now, I was just his daughter, and that didn’t seem to be enough.

“No, not yet. I’ll call her soon.” I answered back vaguely.

It was enough to let it go by Simon, he knew he was walking around eggshells just by mentioning it the first time. 

He was well aware of our family dynamic over the years, and we had a few conversations about it. Simon had always encouraged me many times to talk to our dad about the problem, and I appreciated that he cared strongly about making amends, but he didn’t understand how hard it was.

I wasn’t ready for that, at least not right now. 

So my brother didn’t push any further. “Alright. Just making sure.” He paused before shifting gears and letting out a deep exhale. “So, why didn’t you tell me that the cross-training program was still happening?”

Shit.

“I didn’t want to bother you. You had more important things going on, and I figured–”

“Figured what?” Simon cut in, his voice slightly sharper now. “That I’d rather hear it from someone else? Because that’s exactly what happened. I had to find out from the guys instead of hearing it from you first. You’re my sister, Syd. And that sucks.”

Guilt rested heavily on my chest, like it was about to crush me. “I’m sorry. I just…didn’t want you to explode or freak out when you heard about it.”

He sighed, knowing I was completely right about that given his reaction. “Well, too late for that. When JT told me, I was about to lose my fucking mind. To the point that I was debating on booking a flight back to Vancouver to give Tocchet hell for continuing the sessions.”

I snorted. It was exactly how I called it–my brother proving me right yet again, he’s always been so dramatic.

“So, how’s it going? Have you been making Hughes work? I sure hope you are.” He said.

“Yeah, you could say that.” I tried to play it off. “But, he’s surviving and doing much better than I expected.”

Simon rolled his eyes. “That’s not what I wanted to hear, Syd. Perhaps ‘no, he’s doing terrible,’ or ‘no, he’s the worst student I’ve had.’”

I shook my head at him. “I would much rather have him cooperating and trying his best, than him not trying at all, Simon. If anything, I think he’s doing better than you would have if you were still here.” 

“Ouch, that one hurt,” he grimaced playfully. “But I am glad he’s not giving you a hard time, because if he was then I would’ve–”

“Simon.”

“What? I’m being serious, Syd. I would rather fly back to Vancouver than let you deal with Hughes alone. Especially when he’s…”

I blinked. “Especially when he’s what?”

What if he found out about the incident at the studio? He definitely knows that I was in Quinn’s car and drove me. What if he found out that a part of me actually liked training with Quinn. Simon was going to kill both of us.

“Especially when he’s such a dick,” Simon said after hesitating for a second. “He’s such a teacher’s pet, so don’t ease up on him just because he’s keeping up. Also, don’t let his pretty face get to you. I haven’t seen him with any girls yet, but how would I know? He and his brothers are popular with them, so probably gets with girls all the time and–”

“Okay, okay. I get it. I’ve heard enough, Si.” I stopped him before he continued to spout out things that probably weren’t true at all, or could be, who knows?

I let out a loose breath out my lungs. Good, he didn’t know about the media incident.

“Remind me again–” he started. “–you still don’t have a thing for hockey guys, correct?”

Now that caught me way off guard by the way I almost choked on air. Where was this coming from?

I narrowed my eyes at him. “No? Why are you even asking–”

“Nothing. Just making sure that Hughes has zero chances with you.”

My body almost leaped out of my couch after hearing those words from my brother’s mouth. The last few times Simon had talked about Quinn, I barely knew him. Now, after spending time with him, I wasn’t sure that was entirely true anymore. 

Quinn wasn’t at all what Simon painted him to be, he was quite the opposite.

“Unless you’ve changed your mind,” Simon added, “because if you did, I swear, I’m going to end him. Seriously-”

“God, Simon.” I groaned, I wasn’t about to talk about my dating life with my brother. “I am not looking to date anyone right now. It’s not a good time.”

“Good, let's keep it that way.” His expression seemed to relax, like a weight lifted off his shoulders. But,  he believed me–I hoped. He nodded but then suddenly frowned. “That still doesn’t explain why that prick left me on read after my texts.”

Texts?

Well, that definitely piqued my interest. “Wait, what texts?”

“Oh, nothing. Forget I said anything.”

“Simon. What. Texts?”

Before he could even answer, a constant knocking sound at my door. I already knew who it was–she was the only one who ever knocked on my door like a drum.

“Who’s that?” Simon’s overprotective instincts kicked in.

I rolled my eyes. “It’s just Diane.” 

I made my way over to the door and sure enough, Diane bursted through it. “Let’s get partying! Wait–” she eyed me up and down. “–why aren’t you ready?”

I glanced down at myself, I was still in my studio clothes, sweaty, no makeup, looked completely burnt out. Definitely not club-ready opposed to Diane’s attire–tight black mini dress, hair that was styled to perfection, and a vibrant red lipstick smeared on her lips. 

“I just got home from work,” I sighed at her. “Do we really have to go?”

“Where are you going?” Simon butts in, his skepticism was practically palpable through the screen. I almost forgot he was still on video call for a second.

Before I could answer, Diane beat me to it, bringing her face to the screen to see Simon. “Hey, Simon. It’s my birthday, so we’re heading to the club. Can you convince your sister to come with me, she seems pissy today…”

“Excuse me,” I gave her a look. “I’m standing right here.” 

Simon let out a chuckle. “You should go. It’s her birthday after all, Syd.”

They were both right. But more surprised with my brother’s instant support. He would be barking at me for even considering going to the club–just like the other time. He practically wouldn’t let me out the door. 

I struggled to find the words, but there was no reason to refuse Diane. I wouldn't miss my friend’s special day just because I was tired or didn’t feel like going–then I would be a shitty friend for that.

“Okay, okay. Give me a few minutes to get dressed.” I caved in.

Diane squealed in my eyes and clapped her hands together excitedly. 

I quickly said my goodbyes to my brother on my phone, and made sure he would give updates to me whenever he could before ending the call. 

I looked over to Diane, a very mischievous expression written across her face. “Oh, we’re going to make you look so hot tonight.”

I rolled my eyes before she dragged me towards my closet, raiding it without asking, and began looking for something to wear. She had suggested a few dresses–which I forgot I owned–and I quickly shut it down, saying they were too revealing for the occasion.

As Diane was working through my wardrobe, I was lost in my own thoughts as I couldn’t help but revisit what Simon had said earlier: Just making sure Hughes has zero chances with you.

I thought about it for a brief moment.

And I wasn’t sure if I could say that was still true.

Diane and I agreed if this was the night we were getting absolutely fucked up, there was no way in hell either of us were driving. 

It might’ve been the smartest decision we made tonight.

The Uber ride to The Inferno mostly consisted with Diane’s excitement, her voice buzzing with anticipation. Majority of the time I just nodded along, my mind was too preoccupied with what the rest of the night could spiral into. And they weren't necessarily good things.

I should’ve known better than to let Diane pick my outfit. The moment we stepped out of the car, a gust of wind sent a shiver down my spine, and I tugged at the material of my thin dress. I regretted my decision entirely. 

The city was alive, buzzing with the kind of energy that only a Saturday night could bring. Bright neon lights glowed, illuminating the crowded streets as groups of people filed into nightclubs and bars, so eager to drown themselves the only way they knew how–in alcohol and music. 

The Inferno stood center of it all, one of the hottest new clubs in downtown Vancouver. Its name alone promised chaos. I would know, considering this wasn’t my first rodeo here.

The line outside stretched far, but Diane barely seemed to notice. 

She bounced on her heels, gripping my arm ever so tightly. “This is going to be the best night ever.”

I wasn’t so sure of that. 

Once the bouncer checked our IDs and waved us through, we walked down a long hallway leading to the main doors. With each step, the pulse of music grew stronger and stronger, vibrating through my bones.

As soon as we stepped inside, we were hit with an explosion of sound and light.

The Inferno was infamous for its massive, open-concept that it was hard to believe a nightclub like this existed–that you would only find in the lively cities like Vegas or Florida. 

There were two sleek bars on either side, a second-floor balcony overlooking the entire club, and the center filled with booths and couches for those who wanted a more chillaxing scene–to escape the chaos.

The real action, though, was further back, where the dance floor stretched beneath flashing strobes and a DJ booth commanded the large crowd of people. 

Diane’s fingers wrapped around my wrist as she dragged me straight to the bar. “First round’s on me!” she shouted over the blaring music.

I slid into one of the empty stools next to her, my gaze flicking across the sea of people. There were way more bodies packed in here than the last time we came. The heat, the scent of booze mixed with expensive cologne and perfume–it was intoxicating and overwhelming all at once.

“Don’t you think there are more people here than last time?” I asked, shifting on my seat uncomfortably.

Diane barely glanced around before dismissing my concern with a shrug. “I don’t think so. Seems about the same to me.”

Of course she’d say that. Diane didn’t have a care in the world right now–she just wanted to get shitfaced. 

She wouldn’t let me ever stop her from doing so, especially when she turned to the bartender, and ordered two shots. He sent down the glasses, I immediately recognized the bottle he began pouring in front of us.

“Tequila?” I winced. “We won’t make it home in one piece, Di.”

Diane rolled her eyes, lifting her shot glass. “Syd, it’s my birthday today. So for the love of God, take the shot.”

She glared at me, waiting. I hesitated, glancing down at the golden liquid.

I thought about it. Taking this shot would be the beginning of a very, very bad–or possibly great–decision. Either way, there was no turning back. It’s my friend’s birthday after all. Don’t ruin it for her.

With a sigh, I clinked my glass against hers. “Cheers to turning twenty-four.”

We downed the shots in one go, the burn racing down my throat. I hissed, shaking my head. “I forgot how much I hated this.” 

Diane only laughed, knowing what we both got ourselves into. She tapped the counter for another round. “It’s going to be a long night, Syd. I hope you’re ready for it.” 

I was definitely not ready.

By the time we hit our fourth–or was it fifth?–I could feel the alcohol settling in my system, warm and intoxicating. My limbs were lighter, my movements became more sluggish, and my heartbeat thundered faster.

I thought I had a higher tolerance for booze, I didn’t remember being this much of a lightweight. And soon enough, five shots turned into eight and I was starting to feel incredibly drunk.

Diane, naturally, was in her element, feeding off the energy of the club, throwing back drinks like water. At some point, we found a group of strangers to drink with, all of them laughing and clinking glasses as I raised mine–very out of character for me to do so.

“Everyone, it’s my best friend Diane’s birthday today!” I shouted, my voice louder than I intended at the group circling us by the bar. “I want everyone here to wish her a happy birthday!”

“Happy birthday Diane!” The group cheered, and we all easily tipped back another shot. 

Moments have gone by as I chatted with a few girls by the bar, while slipping in another glass. 

Until a familiar song blasted through the speakers, and my eyes lit up. My body reacted a lot faster before my brain had even processed it–I wanted to dance. 

I turned to Diane, only to find her head resting on the bar’s counter, her eyes barely open. 

“Diane, I love this song! Come dance with me, please?” I shook her shoulder, trying to get her to move. 

She groaned, lifting her head just enough to meet my gaze. “I’m not really feeling good right now.”

I frowned at her. “But you were the one who said to have fun tonight. That’s what I’m trying to do, silly.” 

“I did,” she laughed, though it was much weaker now. “But now that I’m on the fucking verge of throwing up, I think I might tap out.” 

I let out a deep sigh, glancing at the packed dance floor. The energy was electrifying, the kind of moment I wouldn’t want to waste. “I’m having such a good time, but it would be even better if you danced with me.”

“And I’m so glad that you are enjoying yourself. I wouldn’t want to be the reason you aren’t.” Diane gave me a sleepy smile. “I’ll watch you from here. Now, go dance–I know you love this song.” 

I hesitated, giving her a look before nodding anyways. Who was I kidding? I wouldn’t miss this song for the world.

“Okay, but don’t die.”

“No promises.” 

She sent me off, shooing me away from her as I weaved through the crowd.  I found my way to the center of the dance floor, singing–more like screaming from the top of our lungs–with a few girls surrounding me to the song Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado.

The beat pulsed beneath my feet, and I let myself go, moving fluidly and effortlessly with the music–like there was nobody else in the room. My body swayed, arms raised, my hair swinging side to side as I lost myself in the moment.

It felt good, better than I had in a long while.

Then a pair of hands landed on my hips.

I froze instantly. Then I turned my head just enough to see a man. Tall, smirking, and too fucking close.

“Hey, get your hands off me!” I stepped away from him. 

He leaned in closer, voice smooth. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. You looked so hot while you were dancing, I’m just trying to have fun here.”

Almost immediately, panic and disgust clawed its way up my spine. “I said, get the fuck away from me! Fucking creep.”

He didn’t listen. His hands reached for me again, and this time–I smacked them away. My eyes flicked to his, only to find his gaze burning through my skull. Oh fuck, he didn’t like that. 

I tried to step back, but he followed. The more I moved, the gap between us closed, the smaller my world became as bodies pressed around me. I was starting to feel trapped, my body has never felt more stuck and unable to move.

But then I hit something–no, more like someone. A hard, unmoving chest.

I turned, ready to push away whoever the fuck it was, until my eyes widened when I met his familiar green orbs.

Quinn.

“She said to get the fuck away from her,” his voice was cold and sharp. “And I think it’s best that you do that. Now.”

all rights reserved © 2025 hellvst. please do not copy, translate, or modify my works in any platform.

[scarletskiesinthepaths]

One Timeline, One Fate: How Eren’s Will Shaped the 80% Rumbling in Attack on Titan

Okay, so I’ve seen tons of confusion surrounding the nature of “time travel” in Attack on Titan: Why couldn’t Eren just change the future once he saw it? Are there multiple timelines at play? And if so, did Eren ever really have a choice, or was he locked into carrying out the Rumbling? I decided to make a comprehensive post to help clear things up.

“Time travel” in Attack on Titan is actually more about memory transmission than literal hopping between timelines. Basically, I’ll be explaining the Attack Titan’s ability to see future inheritors’ memories, the Founding Titan’s role in uniting all Subjects of Ymir through the Paths, and how these powers combine to form what looks like a loop of inevitability. By the end, you’ll see why Eren couldn’t—or rather, wouldn’t—alter the course he’d foreseen, and why there’s really only one timeline holding it all together. In essence, Eren chose the future he saw, even if he couldn't alter it.

How does “time travel” work in Attack on Titan?

Attack on Titan does not portray multiple realities or divergent timelines. Rather, the story unfolds along a single timeline, wherein past, present, and future events can influence one another through Titan memories. 

In Attack on Titan, “time travel” is really a byproduct of two intertwined abilities:

The Founding Titan’s power (Ymir Fritz’s power):

Connects all Subjects of Ymir through the Paths.

Can alter memories, bodies, and even pass mental images across time if the Founder is involved.

The Attack Titan’s power:

Possesses the ability to view the memories of its future inheritors (not just past ones).

This means the Attack Titan can see glimpses of events that haven’t happened yet—at least to the Titan’s current holder.

When Eren acquires both the Attack Titan and gains partial (and later full) access to the Founding Titan’s abilities (through contact with royal blood, notably via Zeke, and earlier interactions with Historia and Dina), these powers merge, enabling memories to move both forward and backward along a single, unbroken timeline.

How Memories “Move” Through Time

Because of these powers:

Eren can send memories from his future self to past inheritors of the Attack Titan.

These transmissions are selective; Eren chooses which memories to send and to whom.

The Founding Titan’s power effectively creates a network (the Paths) that spans all time. It’s not traditional time-travel ; it’s more akin to a single timeline threaded through everyone connected by Ymir’s bloodline.

It is important to note: The future that is transmitted back is the future that will occur; there are no alternate versions of reality. Once Eren perceives a future or sends a memory of it, the timeline has effectively “locked in” that eventuality.

Key Evidence from the Manga:

The Attack Titan’s Power (Chapter 89)

Eren Kruger demonstrates knowledge of Mikasa and Armin long before they are born, a clear example of glimpsing future inheritors’ memories.

Founding Titan & the Paths (Chapters 120–122)

These chapters illustrate how the Founding Titan’s influence spans all Subjects of Ymir within the Coordinate, enabling far-reaching manipulations of time, memory, and physical forms.

Influencing the Past (Chapter 121)

Eren effectively spurs Grisha Yeager to carry out the attack on the Reiss family. This provides a direct example of Eren influencing the past. Grisha also explicitly reacts to something Eren is showing him—memories from Eren's future, beamed back through the Paths.

Why Eren Couldn’t (or Wouldn’t) Change the Future

A central question arises: if Eren perceives destructive events on the horizon, why not prevent them? The best way to understand this is recognizing that Eren’s will, his personal desires, and the single, closed loop timeline all lock him into a self-fulfilling prophecy. The Attack Titan does not expose random potential scenarios; it reveals a future shaped by Eren’s own resolve and desires. Once Eren observes (and transmits) a specific future, that future becomes embedded in the timeline. Attempting to deviate would negate the very memories he sent back. Moreover, Eren doesn’t want to negate the memories he sent back. Eren transmits those memories precisely because he wants his past self to strive toward that future. The image of the Rumbling’s destruction (think of the “this is freedom” panel) is what Eren wants to see.

Crucially, he shows this willingness and longing by diverting the path of Dina’s titan away from Bertolt—a decision that ensures certain events unfold exactly as needed (including the death of his own mother) to see a future where he carries out the Rumbling.

When Did Eren Know He’d Be Stopped at 80% Destruction?

Eren’s early glimpses of the future, derived solely from the Attack Titan, were incomplete. As a result, he initially believed the Rumbling would annihilate the entire world. Not until physical contact with Ymir Fritz in the Paths (Chapters 120–122) did he acquire comprehensive knowledge of the ultimate outcome—namely, that the destruction would halt at roughly 80%, not 100%. Before this full disclosure, his partial insights led him to anticipate total obliteration.

What’s the evidence for this?:

Up until Chapter 120, Eren never had full control of the Founding Titan. It was only when he and Zeke converged in the Paths that Eren finally reached Ymir directly. Until that point, he had only seen glimpses of the future via the Attack Titan’s ability—the most notable example being when he made contact with Historia in Chapter 90.

The glimpses of the future Eren sent to himself in the past only showed him the future he wanted to see. As a result, Eren fixated on the outcome he’d been driving toward (total destruction) without realizing there was a point in which he’d be forced to stop. The glimpses he saw led him to think that total annihilation was the endgame; he never saw (or understood) the moment in which the Alliance would intervene and halt the Rumbling. Eren’s mindset pre-contact with Ymir is also important to understand. In the flashbacks with Floch shown in Chapters 130-131, Eren shows no intention of leaving survivors outside the island.

Throughout Chapters 130-131, Eren is also shown deliberating the atrocity he’s about to commit. He fully believes it will erase civilization beyond Paradis.

Why didn’t Eren pivot when he learned that 100% annihilation wasn’t in the cards?:

Bringing all of the points together—there’s only one chain of events. The moment Eren sees how it concludes, it’s set—because that’s the future he himself instigates. Even though Eren’s rational mind grasps that the Rumbling will “fail” to achieve total destruction, he’s already committed to forging that horrific reality. This drive, tied to his longing for absolute freedom and a human-free landscape, renders him incapable (or unwilling) to step back. In Chapter 122, Ymir’s choice to grant Eren the full Founding Titan power ensures the unstoppable path forward. The Rumbling commences, and the single timeline proceeds as “destined.” Chapter 139 finalizes the point: Eren outright confesses to Armin that he moved forward with the Rumbling partly because he couldn’t stop himself. His dream of freedom—the same dream that made him wage war on the entire world—also chained him to the future he saw.

Conclusion

Ultimately, Attack on Titan’s depiction of “time travel” is less about traversing alternate timelines and more about transmitting memories within a single, closed timeline. The Attack Titan sees future events (shaped by the wielder’s own will), and the Founding Titan’s Paths allow those events to anchor themselves in the past. This cycle forms an unbreakable loop, ensuring that the fate Eren glimpses is the fate he brings to life—no matter how horrifying.

So, while it might look like Eren is helpless in the face of destiny, the truth is more bittersweet: he’s trapped by his own desires and the single timeline’s rules. He chooses to walk the path he’s shown, effectively binding himself to the 80% Rumbling outcome. In this way, Eren Yeager’s tragedy lies not in having no choice—but in having a singular, unwavering conviction that makes him want the future he sees, ensuring it can’t unfold any other way.

If you're interested in more of my thoughts on the subject of Eren and whether he had a choice, here's another post I wrote on the topic:

[cozycottagetarot]

How Can You Manifest Your Wishes?

 Notes:

This is not one of my favourite readings, but I hope you find something useful in it!These types of readings are always slightly difficult to keep organise but I tried my best. I'd love to know if you prefer paragraphs or bullet points as well! Shout out to the anon who recommended this reading!

‼️ This reading is in no way shape or form meant to act as or substitute professional advice of any kind. Please use your discretion, think carefully before you act and only take what resonates be it a little, some or none at all. ‼️

This PAC Includes:

This Might Resonate If Your Wish Is...

The Energy You're In

The Energy You Need To Be In

Extended Reading Includes

How Can You Open Yourself Up

What's Working vs What's Not Working

Additional Messages

Dividers From X

Reading Masterlist | Patreon | Paid Readings -- Open 🥂

PILE 1

This Might Resonate If Your Wish Is...

Wishes for a full-life makeover. If it’s a wish (or goal) you feel blocked or burnout pursuing. A wish you keep coming back to or feels like a ‘higher calling’. A wish of the heart. A wish around love (of any kind).

The Energy You're In

It feels like you’re in this bright, playful energy and you’re just absolutely ready to go! You see all the possible laid out before you and you’re getting excited about it. You could be coming out of a rough period and you’re trying to rebuild your sense of positivity. You’re trying to move on to the next version of you. You’re expecting the best (or you should be) and are in this very attractive and magnetic energy right now. You have a card here the Flamingo which is all about fun and the vibes of this section make me think of Espresso by Sabrina Carpenter. The vibe of the music video feels very playful and fun and the line “my give a f*cks are on vacation” reminds me of the energy you're in at the moment. It all feels very warm like I can almost feel the sun on my skin.

HOWEVER, you may be focusing on these possibilities through the eyes of others… living vicariously through others. What I mean by this is viewing people through social media, books, even in person and believing you can do what they do (which is fine) but through their experience or as them rather than you… I hope that makes sense. You may hold onto the super intense aspects of love or pleasure. This can be especially important regarding relationships! I will make a post on this a little later (it’s drafted), but the energy you’re in requires you to take a look at what ‘work’ you’re asking others to do for you. You need to focus on how you’re channeling the vibrant passionate energy you’re embodying at the moment.

The Energy You Need To Be In

As beautiful as your current energy is, you need to slow your roll a little bit here. Yes, hold onto the belief that things are going great for you— but you also need to ground yourself and savour the small moments too. Enjoy ALL the good things… right down to the perfectly crafted beverage. Take chances but double-check your trajectory first. Don’t just rush in, you’re in need of a balance right now. You’re in a phase of transition but divine timing is also at play. However, I feel like if you try to force things then you might end up bringing a 'tower moment' on yourself (if you’re about to panic, relax!) where you’re forced to take a look at what is truly important to you.

Thank you for making it this far! If you're interested in extended reading which includes how you can open yourself up, what's working vs what's not and more then you can check it out here!

PILE 2

This Might Resonate If Your Wish Is...

 Of personal strength. Wishing your wish will come true. Balance. Employment (especially self employment). A wish to remove a known block or a wish for a solution of any kind. Relating to being in between phases. Something that will bring you a sense of safety or stability. Gaining your wings. Wishes involving social connections.

*Relationships are such a strong theme here, but it seems as though it maybe experience from childhood that come up a lot in this reading

The Energy You're In

I think you’re in an energy of waiting and surveying your surroundings... Like when someone’s wounded and retreats to regroup and tend to themselves. Main themes relate to boundaries, relationships and self care. You’re trying to find allies but I think it’s a little bit hard right now. Very analytical mind, trying to determine what stays and what goes. Things are definitely shifting and you’re just kind of keeping to yourself. Communication is such a big thing for you here. I feel like you’re really just on the sidelines taking things slow. You want to ally with others but you need to tend to yourself first or at least that’s your focus right now. You’re mainly in an energy of taking stock it seems… on alert in changing circumstances. You might be ruminating on how you communicate with others? There’s a suggest to look at how you experienced communication growing up? You might be stuck in your head… seeing “people” as not safe.

Idk guys, like are you good? Usually Pile 3 is the one that messes with me but the energies here feel sooo off. Kind of wondering if you're fatigued, hung up over someone even? Not necessarily romantically but someone who was/is supposed to have your back and you’re just hitting a wall or something at the moment. The energy literally disappearaed once I moved onto the energy you need to be in so take that as a positive sign!

If it ain’t me — Dua Lipa kept coming to me and disco balls stood out from the cards.

The Energy You Need To Be In

I feel like you need to be in an energy where, yes you’re surveying/assessing your surroundings, but you have to get up and do so instead of sitting around. You need to take action and expand your horizons. Be bold and go for it... I think you’ve got what you need. The consistent message is that doing nothing is not an option. Take a chance on what will fulfill your desires. Accepting endings is important and being able to move on. Allow yourself to transition to a fresh start.

Consider your image and how you show up as/interact with authority. Leadership. Especially emotional leadership. Parenting oneself and/or setting the example for how you want others to treat you. Create a safe home ‘base’ (internal or external) but don’t get stuck in it. Maybe ask yourself what creates home? Makes you feel safe/secure? You also could need to take a look at sibling relationships or any with a sibling like dynamic and factor in how you those affect how you show up is important to look at too. I think this could relate to blocks. But you need to place your roots first and then explore.

Trust yourself and make a move. Focus on your strengths and believe that you have gathered enough data to move forward. Structure and strategy are going to be your friends. Honor those ‘above’ you but hold onto your power. Set boundaries and hold other accountable (and yourself too).

Thank you for making it this far! If you're interested in extended reading which includes how you can open yourself up, what's working vs what's not and more then you can check it out here!

PILE 3

This Might Resonate If Your Wish Is...

Travel, adventure, family, community, friendships/found family, creative projects, diving intervention, exploring new interest, work-life balance.

The Energy You're In

Closing out cycles and actively transforming. Seeking out messages from the divine. You're open to receiving messages and guidance. Very calm and zen feeling. Maybe feeling like you're going through or have recently gone through a rebirth. You're ready to make moves. Strong willed. "What do you want to do?" is a question that should be potentially on your mind if it's not. Taking inspired action. Bring play into your life/how can you do so? This can even apply to relationships. Healing. Compare and contrasting how past events influence you and if how you're showing up matches your intentions. Heavy on the "level up" energy but this is a kind you're actively seeking. Exploring relationships, mentorships, ideas. Leaning on love ones. Generally being in good vibes.

Feels like a combination of pile 1 and 2 so if you were drawn to one of those as well I recommend checking them out.

This also feels like a very spiritual pile? I'm not sure how describe it but I kept saying 'the Universe' alot while I was doing this reading so of course just adjust it to whatever suits you and your belief best! 

The Energy You Need To Be In

It's slightly hard to organise the messages here. There's a need to ground yourself. Don't stop working on healing, but also maintain your stability. Expansion & communication. Abundance is coming in. Remember you're worthy of abundance and your manifestation skills are heightened. Big things are coming for you. Expanding your perspective as well. Where do you need to speak up? You can and should try to lean on others. Open your heart... you don't have to have an armored heart. Cultivate your wishes, the things you want to grow. Nurture your wishes and your heart. Make sure you're clear on what you want to manifest. Keep your motivation up by focusing on short term steps. Look to mentors for guidance.

Thank you for making it this far! If you're interested in extended reading which includes how you can open yourself up, what's working vs what's not and more then you can check it out here!

PILE 4

This Might Resonate If Your Wish Is...

Nostalgia. Happiness. Needing motivation. Heavily charged emotional wishes. Something relating to others… not necessarily currently though. Like a wish that was formed because of someone years ago. If you have a vision board. Looking for a break. Or for a break to end. A wish where you’ve heard divine timing is at play. Direction. A waiting period to be over. Trying to break something you know isn’t good for you.

Pay attention to words, phrases or songs that come up often.

The Energy You're In

You’re very guarded. You’re wanting to break away from whatever is just weighing on you and you’re working hard at it but at the same time I feel like you just won’t let go??? Despite you working to break the chains or get a move on, it feels like they’re never ending but they are ending!! Don’t be fooled by appearances.

I think you’re very future focused and all about recreating yourself (I heard in entirety). You’re trying to expand your pov and I feel also kind of just nurture yourself internally. Very introspective trying to figure out who you are and what you want to do or who you want to be.

The Energy You Need To Be In

I didn’t really get anything specifically about money regarding wishes but I think it at least revolves around some kind of stability heavily. You need to be walking away from what isn’t serving you. Realise that you can create just about anything right now... anything goes.

You need to be doing what’s best for you regardless of if you hate it. Your day to day life is super important. I don’t know if rainbows are important to you but also I’m feeling like you need to fill your life with colour too. You need to become clear on resources and what they mean to you such as money, you body, other material possessions etc. get your financial life together. Do some deep cleaning. Like normally these readings are a matter of mindset and mental work but this pile feels very physical. Beautify your life and make it aesthetically pleasing without breaking the bank. How can you use art as well to make a masterpiece out of your feelings? How can you make your day to day life more enjoyable?

Thank you for making it this far! If you're interested in extended reading which includes how you can open yourself up, what's working vs what's not and more then you can check it out here!

[itsnesss]

hi !! first i just wanted to say that i love your account and secondly i was wondering if you could maybe write the same fic about hawk that you wrote about miguel taking care of drunk reader at a party but just a hawk version. like maybe him and reader have been bestfriends for a while and he just wants to make sure their taken care of !!

𝐡𝐚𝐰𝐤'𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧 | eli moskowitz "hawk" × fem!reader

summary | at a chaotic party, you get dizzy from drinking. hawk helps you escape the crowd, offering support. you realize how much you rely on him

warnings | fluff, alcohol consumption, vulnerability, emotional, self-reflection

word count | 1.0 k

author's note | it would help me a lot if you liked, commented and reposted so that more people read what I write and don't forget to follow me, thanks ᡣ𐭩

The music was deafening, the sound of voices and the shouts of excitement mixing with the songs blasting at full volume, creating chaos at the party. The colorful lights blinked incessantly, tinting everything in their path in a mix of shadows and bright flashes. You were there, surrounded by people, but you felt incredibly alone.

You had gone just for fun, hoping to disconnect a bit after an exhausting week. But a few too many drinks and the festive atmosphere had done their job. You felt light, but at the same time, the world seemed to spin too fast. Your body wasn’t responding as expected, and the sensation of dizziness began to take over you.

"Come on, another round!" someone shouted nearby. A few guys raised their glasses and cheered, but you just looked at the glass in your hands and decided it might be time to stop drinking. However, your legs didn’t seem to agree.

You tried to walk, but each step was a challenge. The floor seemed to move beneath your feet, and you grabbed onto a nearby table to steady yourself. You took a deep breath, but it didn’t help much. You knew something wasn’t right, and your thoughts began to mix together.

What you needed was some fresh air, but before you could take another step, a firm hand wrapped around your waist, preventing you from falling.

"Are you okay?" a familiar voice, deep and soft, stood out among the party's noise.

You looked up, trying to focus your eyes, and there he was. Hawk. Your best friend. He had always been your support, and tonight would be no different.

He smiled at you with a mix of concern and affection. You knew that if anyone could help you get out of this situation, it was him. Despite the overwhelming energy of the party, Hawk had always been your point of calm.

"I think... I overdid it," you said, feeling the words come out clumsy and slurred by the drunkenness. You felt embarrassed, but Hawk’s closeness calmed you.

"I knew it," he replied without losing his calm. He had always been perceptive about the little details, and this time was no exception. He gently nudged you to the side, moving you away from the crowd still dancing. "Come on, I’ll take you somewhere quiet. You need to rest."

Without thinking twice, you let him guide you. His strong hands supported you, and you felt that with every step he took with you, he was making sure you wouldn’t be left alone. The short walk to the backyard seemed like a small journey, but it helped clear your mind, or at least try to.

Finally, you reached the garden. The fresh night air hit your face, and although it wasn’t enough to fully clear your foggy mind, it made you feel better. Hawk helped you sit in a chair near a corner, where the party lights didn’t reach as intensely.

"Wait here for a moment," Hawk said, his tone soft but determined.

He looked at you for a second more, making sure you were comfortable before walking away. Although it was clear he wanted you to be okay, he also respected your space, as he always did. You knew that even without asking, Hawk would never let anything happen to you.

A few minutes later, he returned with a glass of water. Seeing him with a calm expression gave you the sense that everything would be fine. He had always cared for you like this, as if you were his little sister, even if you sometimes didn’t want to admit it.

"Drink this." He handed you the glass.

You took it in your hands and drank slowly, trying to regain some control of your body and mind. The water helped, but you couldn’t stop thinking about what was going through Hawk’s mind. You had known him for years, but he had always taken care of you like this, and sometimes you felt like you could never do enough to repay him for everything he did for you.

"Thanks," you said, looking at the empty glass after drinking it all. "You know? I could have handled it better. I was fine until I wasn’t."

Hawk sat next to you, close but not intruding on your space. His presence had always had the ability to calm you.

"You didn’t have to do it alone," he replied, his eyes fixed on yours. You knew he meant it seriously, but he said it with the softness that always characterized him. "You never have to do it alone, understand?"

You nodded silently. You knew that, but sometimes, out of pride, you tried to do things on your own. But with him, you didn’t need to pretend to be strong. You could be yourself, vulnerable and clumsy, without fear of being judged.

"I’m always here for you, you know that, right?" he whispered, moving a little closer.

You looked at him, feeling a knot in your stomach. Although the situation was far from romantic, there was something in his words that made you feel warm inside. Hawk wasn’t just your best friend, he was the one who had always been there for you, no matter what.

You felt a little better now, but still with a slightly dizzy head. You didn’t want to go back to the party yet, or see the people. You wanted to stay here, with him.

"I think I’m ready to go home," you said, looking toward the entrance. "Do you think we can leave?.

Hawk smiled, and for the first time that night, you noticed that his expression was soft, as if he were thinking the same thing as you.

"Sure, let’s go," he replied without hesitation. Then he stood up and offered you his hand. Without thinking, you took it.

With his firm hand in yours, you walked side by side toward the exit of the party, knowing that not only was he taking care of you, but he was protecting you. In that moment, you understood that beyond the party and the alcohol, Hawk would always be your refuge. Your best friend. And although the words weren’t necessary, you felt closer to him than ever.

And with that feeling of security, you knew everything would be okay. It always would.

[radioactiverats]

Hallo😚

I was wondering, what if there was a Cadet in the Bayverse???

Hello, thank you for your ask!

It's a while since watching the Bayverse movies and to be very honest, I don't remember much of Starscream in it (cue youtube Bayverse Starscream compilation...), but after doing a dive into the wiki I have a couple of thoughts!

Note after writing this post: Yet another off-tangent yap. Thank you for indulging me... asks are a lovely chance for me to really think about the characters (playing in the sandpit, etc.)

I'm not a huge fan of his Bayverse design, but in general I found Autobot Bayverse transformations to be super super cool - partly because they have so many complicated moving parts and mechanisms! In that aspect, I'd find it really funny to imagine attempting Starscream's repairs after another major fight... and discovering that he's lost an important and irreplaceable screw somewhere in the streets of Chicago.

While on Earth, Starscream infiltrated the United States Air Force by taking on the form of an F-22 Raptor fighter jet.

Source

Generally speaking, this 'regular' AU's Starscream wouldn't force you into a position where you're expected to kill. Perhaps I happen to be swayed by this panel I saw today:

(Which surprised me! I'm not sure when in the timeline this happened because comic Starscream seems quite vicious. I love discovering the lore, but back to the point)

I am thinking, however, that a Bayverse Cadet would be somewhat different. For example, Starscream's disguise was practically perfect - such a plan would probably win admiration from a Bayverse version of you, even if it was to ultimately ends in taking a bunch of planes down. You'd probably see more fighting upfront - I could imagine you flanking him for a lot of these fights even if he's the one taking people/bots out. Same as all universes, the Autobots and the humans would begin knowing to expect you as a pair - seeing Starscream appear alone and immediately thinking it's a trap, frantically looking around like where's the other one?? 🤣🤣 Because Bayverse is pretty vicious in terms of fighting - another thought would be having to watch him actually take people/bots out. Rock, meet hard place - would you rather watch him kill, or do the killing yourself?

When you voluntarily fight would probably when Starscream goes against Optimus. Bayverse Optimus is one scary mf (I love him I keep thinking about zorangezest's "give me your face" comic) and Starscream clearly stands no chance against him. Knowing this, you fight Optimus with something akin to desperation, because your aim is to give Starscream some kind of opening to land a hit or get away. Optimus doesn't go full power on you even though he could, focusing on his main opponent - and rips Starscream's arm out anyway a la canon (perhaps more damage would have been done if you hadn't intervened in that fight). It feels that there's a greater sense of hierarchy in Bayverse, so you'd be collecting bits of Starscream's arm for repair later...

Over the centuries he's come to believe both Optimus and Megatron have lost sight of what is best for the Cybertronian race, and simply pursue their own agendas. Even though he has been loyal to the latter, he disagreed with Megatron's obsession with the AllSpark and decided that, for the greater good of their species, a new leader should emerge. Starscream views himself as that leader because he believes that the AllSpark can give him the opportunity to both rebuild and rule Cybertron. But while his words are optimistic, his intentions can be untrustworthy. This is probably because Starscream eventually became almost as corrupt as Megatron. However, he prefers subtlety and deception to Megatron's brute force. Now, what may once have been noble goals are buried under layers of self-interest, transforming Starscream into that which he supposedly despised.

Source

This is one of the aspects I find so intriguing about most of the Starscreams. Losing sight of himself as a result of both internal and external forces. Not to ignore the mistrustful and manipulative nature of his personality, but I get the feeling that circumstances shaped that to a negative extreme, when once upon a time it could have been controlled - or at least, expressed in relatively harmless ways. Are we able to hold him back from losing himself to ambition (because he has something to lose) - or are we helpless to watch it happen? I feel like Bayverse Megatron's hold over him is stronger - and our relationship with him as such wouldn't be as close - more like a preferred subordinate. (To be fair, I think we don't get as much fleshing out of their relationship/history in Bayverse compared to the other series, so I'm just going off of that.) Ultimately, losing sight of his goals could likely force you to the Autobots in this universe - and I feel like he wouldn't be too torn up about it.

[shadowkoo]

The Ex Text

→ Summary: The 2 AM texts have started again. It’s a bittersweet familiarity that you can’t run away from, and despite wishing to forget him: no one will ever measure up to the exceptional standard set by your ex, and you’ll never have anyone as good as him either. Like a permanent mark on your heart, Jungkook’s presence has become an insatiable craving, an addiction you'll never outgrow or cast aside.

↠ jungkook x f.reader | 3.2k words | 18+ ↠ genre: smut, pwp, ex with benefits, minor fluff & angst

→ Warnings: swearing, explicit sex, protected sex, scratching, breast play, spit/saliva play, infidelity (in the case that reader just started dating someone new), soft kissing, soft choking, rough kissing, ball squeezing, fingering, handjob, blowjob, cunnilingus, sloppy oral sex (female & male receiving), squirting, praising, teasing, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, hair pulling, doggy, deep dicking, posessive!jungkook has a hard time dealing with his feelings

→ Author note: This is an update of a fic I posted in January that desperately needed some editing (anyone else ever read their old fics and cringe??), I hope you enjoy the newest version bc i personally believe it’s so much better! If you’d like to read this on ao3 instead it’s been crossposted here! As always, all likes, reblogs, and comments are appreciated <3

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The pillow vibrates beneath your head as the notifications on your phone add up. Knowing it’s nowhere near time for you to get up, you roll over, choosing to ignore whatever, or rather, whoever is trying to reach you. Your plan works for another several minutes as you attempt to drift back to sleep, but your phone soon buzzes again, signaling another notification.

You groan and clumsily reach to turn the ringer off, but instead, your curiosity wins. After a couple of slow blinks, your eyes adjust to the blinding light and are able to focus on the screen; a couple of likes on your latest tweet, a new follower request for your insta, and three new texts from ‘The Ex’…

You groan again and check the time. 2 AM.

“Mmm, right on schedule, ‘Kook,” you drone sleepily to yourself, “Glad to see nothing’s changed.”

Invested now, and unfortunately awake, you unlock your phone to read the full texts.

2:03 AM

‘hey, u awake?’

2:07 AM

‘come over pls’

‘I’ll leave the door open’

Leaving the messages on read, you think about the two ways this could go.

One, you ignore him, just as you have been for the last month, and pretend like he means nothing to you.

Or two, you text him back, agree to come over, and wind up in a self-hate spiral the following days for allowing him to weasel back into your life.

A third groan leaves your body, realizing your heart is clouding your mind, having already made the decision. You type out your message and hover your thumb over the send button, before pressing firmly, unable to take it back.

2:11 AM

‘i hate you…i’ll be there in 5’

His response pops up just seconds later.

‘i’ll be waiting’

This routine is nothing new to you, as much as you hate to say it.

It’s not the first time since your break up that he’s asked you over. And it’s not the first time you’ve rushed to see him, to relive the good times spent between his sheets.

As promised, Jungkook left the door unlocked for you. His tall pup, Bam, meets you with a happy face and a wagging tail the second you crack the door open.

“Hi Bamy-Boo, I’ve missed you so much. How’s my good boy doing?” you ask after stepping into the quiet apartment, bending at the knees to give him a quick kiss on the head and some chin scratches.

“He’d be doing a lot better if you joined him in bed.”

Turning your head, your eyes land on Jungkook. He’s leaning against the wall outside his bedroom, with one of his hands combing through his tousled hair. And he’s wearing the beige-colored sweat set he knows drives you wild.

Damn him.

Your eyes wander to the waistband of his pants, where the faintest patch of skin shows through with his raised arm, before moving upward towards his face.

He’s grinning now.

“We need to stop doing this,” you sigh, not even attempting to deny that you were ogling him. He’s hot, you both know it. No point in sugar-coating or avoiding it. “You can’t keep texting me this time of night and expect me to come over.”

“You can leave any time you want, you know that,” he says taking a step closer to you, “Just like you know you don’t have to text me back. But you do.” He extends a hand, which you accept, and you stand up, letting him pull you up against his chest. “Because you want to come over. Because you know you want this.”

Jungkook doesn’t waste another second before placing his lips on yours. He’s warm and comforting, smelling of sage and citrus, just like always.

He pulls you away from the front door, which he locks, and leads you towards his room. Even in the dark, you remember the path to his bed, your body has it practically memorized.

“Come here,” he whispers softly while his fingers dance along the edge of your wrinkled pajama shirt, before lifting it over your shoulders.

You didn’t even bother changing out of your stained and slept-in pjs. Jungkook has seen you in far worse conditions. Plus you figured they wouldn’t remain on for very long, and much to your pleasure - you’re right.

Jungkook admires your breasts with his hands once your shirt is on the ground. “You’re gorgeous like this,” he whispers, cupping them and letting his thumbs rub across your nipples. Between his touch and the cool air, they harden almost immediately.

You lean into his body and your lips collide, meanwhile, his arms move around your body, crushing you against his chest.

He moans into your mouth, loving the way your fingers run through his messy hair. He doesn’t hide the fact that his cock twitches against his sweatpants when you tug lightly on his locks.

Jungkook could come in his pants just from simply kissing you and having you play with his hair, but he needs more. So much more.

He reaches for your pants, ready to remove them next. He’s desperate to undress you, to have your naked body pressed up against his. You’ve been ignoring his texts for too long lately. Even though he would never admit it, he’s missed you. A lot.

You help him take off the rest of your clothing until you’re bare before him, and Jungkook looks at you like he’s always looked at you. Like you’re the only person in the universe, you captivate his entire attention.

Nothing else matters when he’s with you.

He tears only his sweatshirt off before sitting down on the bed. Stretching back, he pats his lap with that same old smirk you’ve grown to love and hate simultaneously and motions for you to climb on top of him.

You do as he requests, resting each leg on either side of his hips so you’re straddling his waist.

“Come here,” he says quietly, pulling you closer to him, so he can leave wet kisses trailing down your neck from your earlobe to the dip above your collarbone.

His hands travel down your side as his lips move closer and closer to your breasts, his hot breath tickles your skin as he hovers over your sensitive nubs. He flicks each with his tongue, before closing his lips over one of your soft peaks, sucking it in between his teeth.

The sensation pulls an explicit moan from deep within your core. Jungkook’s ears perk up, loving the sounds coming from you, wanting to hear you make sounds like that all night.

Your thighs tense around him as he does it again to the other side, and you massage the growing tent in his sweats to tease him just the right amount.

Jungkook digs his fingers into your hips, pushing your bare center up against his hardness as you continue your circling torture. It’s his turn to lose himself. Fuck, he can feel your heat through the thin fabric, your readiness soaking into his sweatpants. His hands curve around the swell of your ass as your tongues twist together in harmony.

Grabbing his face, you kiss him deeply while slowly moving off the top of him, your hand replacing where your opening was previously. You moan into his mouth this time, feeling how hard he is for you as you rub him through his pants.

Your hand dips underneath the waistband and wraps around his velvety length. His length throbs in your hand while your thumb glides over his needy head. You’re stroking him slowly enough to drive him into a maddening frenzy.

“Fuck baby, I need more,” he rasps.

You give him exactly what he begs for.

He cries out when your hand dips lower to squeeze his balls without warning. You smirk, watching the emotions overtake his face as the pain mixes deliciously with pleasure while you hold him tightly in your hands. You wait a few seconds before releasing them and then work to take off his pants.

“Jesus Christ,” he gasps, catching his breath from your dangerous game. “What was that for?”

You take a mouthful of him to avoid answering. He doesn’t press the issue further as you gag over his thick cock.

Jungkook grabs a fistful of your hair as you bring him closer and closer to the edge. He helplessly watches as your reddened lips glide over him, your saliva dripping everywhere in the process.

“Mmm, just like that,” he hums, caressing your cheek as you bob your head up and down.

Pulling yourself from him to catch your breath, your mouth then leaves wandering kisses that lead you to his balls next. Sucking each into your hollowed cheeks, you take your sweet time and watch intently as Jungkook’s eyebrows furrow together.

“Shit baby, I’m about to lose it,” he breathes deeply, before moving your bodies so you’re below him.

You smirk, your legs open and ready with your fingers teasing your wet and inviting opening. “Then lose it.”

He groans. Leaning across your body, Jungkook opens the drawer on his nightstand and rummages through until his fingers land on the very familiar foil packet. He smirks for a moment at the thought floating around in his head, and then lets the male urge win and rips it open with his teeth.

“You did not just do that,” you laugh, “That’s so cheesy. What are you, a horny teenager?”

He grins wolfishly as he rolls the condom on, “Might as well be.”

The scent of your arousal has now filled the room, engulfing Jungkook, and making him ravenous for you. He’s starved and only your heat will tame his hunger.

Unable to wait any longer, his thick length dips inside you just enough to wet his tip. He pulls back out of you, sliding your wetness through your folds, preparing you for what is to come. Then, without a moment’s notice, he takes you hard and fast, thrusting into you with all his power.

Your nails dig into his back, leaving red trails from where they slide down his back and grip his ass.

The veins in Jungkook’s neck pop out as he slams into you again and again.

“Holy fuck, ‘Kook! Oh my god,” you cry out, holding onto him.

He looks so fucking hot with his hair stuck to his damp forehead. Your eyes follow the bead of sweat dripping down his temple.

Jungkook’s soft moans tickle your ear, while one of his hands creeps up to wrap around your neck. The pressure is gentle but firm, his fingers are placed exactly where they need to be to make you feel lightheaded and slightly delirious - everything you want and more.

“Do you still love me?” he pants as he thrusts into you harshly.

You blink, hesitating to answer that question.

“Fine, then answer me this, do you still love my cock?”

“Jungkook…” you sigh, tilting your head to the side. “Please don’t go there.”

He pretends he doesn’t hear you. “Tell me you’ve never had better,” he demands after flipping you over. Pulling your ass up towards him, he realigns his length with your center and thrusts back into you. One of his hands wraps around your waist, the other gets lost in your hair.

“Tell me how much you’ve missed me and my cock,” he growls into your ear as he slips out of you, only to ram back into you with all his strength.

Each thrust pushes you further into the bed and brings you closer to the edge. You’re biting the sheets to stop yourself from screaming out from the sinful pleasure.

“Fuck, I’ve missed this.” You moan uncontrollably while Jungkook continues his sweet torture. Lust, and possibly another L emotion, dripping off the words spilling from your mouth.

You couldn’t lie if you tried at this point. You’ve really missed this and him. And holy fuck, his cock too. “Oh my god, oh god!” you cry out. Waves of euphoria wash over your quivering body as you unfold around him.

The coil snaps deep inside you, your walls pulsating around him, sending shockwaves through his body as he finishes.

Jungkook moans your name one last time before feeling himself swell, and he fills the condom with his load. His thrusts slow down but don’t stop just yet.

It’s almost too much to handle, yet it’s still not enough. Jungkook knows this and reaches down to rub his thumb along your swollen clit, causing you to see starts as your next release comes, it sprays out of you involuntarily.

You freeze, not sure if you should embrace it or be embarrassed.

He grins, “That was fucking hot. I’ve never made anyone squirt before.” You feel a sense of pride hearing that. Good. You don’t want him to have it like this with anyone else. Woah, where did that thought come from?

Without missing a beat, Jungkook lifts your legs over his shoulders as he bends down so he’s face level with your heat. He admires your slit that’s still slick from his undoing. You moan uncontrollably the second he licks through your damp folds, lost on cloud nine while he buries his face in between your legs, hands on either side of them, holding you in place.

You’re writhing beneath him from the glorious torture of his tongue teasing your entrance, his nose purposefully rubs against your sensitive nub and two of his long fingers slide into you, curling at the right pace.

His rhythmic licks turn you into a quivering mess. Your insides twist and clench around his fingers as you come again, unashamed and all over his face this time.

“Fuck, you’re amazing,” he pants, moving back up toward the top of the bed and collapsing next to you, totally spent.

You kiss him messily, tasting yourself on his lips, and cuddle into his side as you both drift off into the night, sweaty and exhausted, just how it should be.

It’s early. You’re not sure how long you’ve both been in and out of sleep, but you know it’s almost time for you to leave. This is the longest you’ve spent in his bed since your break up. All the other late-night extravaganzas we’re just a couple of hours, if that.

You’re laying on his chest, listening to the sound of his steady heartbeat and your synced breathing, working up the energy to sit up. His fingers draw small circles on your back as you two rest. It’s surprisingly…peaceful. These are the moments you miss the most when you’re apart.

“I have a thing with the guys around tomorrow, well technically today. Want to come?” Jungkook asks out of the blue, his voice cutting through the silence.

“Can’t,” you decline, worried about where this conversation is about to go.

“And why is that, exactly?” he asks, even though he very well knows. You know he knows. He knows that you know that he knows. Which is frustrating, to say the least.

The previous peace you felt is short-lived. You sit up and lean on your elbow to look at him. “You know I’m going out with Taehyung now. You liked my Instagram pic of us together from earlier this week.”

“Well, I’m sorry to say that if you’re here with me, that must mean he’s either very boring or is terrible in bed. Or maybe both?” He leaves the question open-ended for you to answer.

You roll your eyes and start to get up, not in the mood to discuss this with him tonight, or ever really.

You don’t need to explain to him that Taehyung deserves so much more than someone who’s willing to cheat on him, and with an ex-boyfriend at that. You two haven’t exactly made things official but it’s still unbelievably inconsiderate of you to waste his time while you pine after Jungkook, a guy who dumped you four months ago but still refuses to give you up.

“No, don’t go,” he groans. “What I’m trying to say is-” he pauses, fighting whatever is going on in his brain. “I don’t want you seeing him anymore,” he says bluntly.

“Why?” You press, begging for any sort of answer.

“‘Cause…,” he says, holding back.

“Because why Jungkook, I need you to say more than that. I need you to be more, we can’t keep going on like this.”

“Because I love you, dammit!” He runs a hand through his hair and huffs. “Can’t you tell? Isn’t it obvious? I’m still hung up on you and don’t like seeing you moving on when I’m, I’m…stuck,” he breathes.

He loves you.

A moment passes.

He. Loves. You.

“Please say something. Anything.” He’s nervously searching your face for any sort of answer.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Say that you’re still hung up on me,” he whines, pulling you back onto his chest.

Your voice softens, “You know that I am.”

He kisses you gently, making your heart flutter with the possibility.

“Then what’s stopping us?” He asks once your lips part from one another.

It’s your turn to huff, you have so much to say yet it’s all lost on you at this exact moment. Funny how that works, isn’t it?

“You’re the one who ended things.”

The streetlight shines in through his window, its light illuminating your body, highlighting your beautiful features that he just can’t get enough of. Why did he end things again?

“Yeah, well, I’m an idiot. What’s new?” he jokes, crawling over top of you, completely mesmerized by how gorgeous you are beneath him. He kisses you sweetly, his lips massaging yours as his heart pounds loudly in his chest. You didn’t say no. To Jungkook, that means there’s still a chance, and he’ll gladly take it.

One of his hands holds the back of your neck, tilting your head just the right amount for him to deepen the kiss. He moans into your mouth, his tongue playing with yours while his other hand finds its way between your legs.

A soft gasp escapes your lips when his fingers dip inside you. They twist and curl with perfect accuracy, bringing you closer and closer to bliss.

He has you practically begging for more, you’re already a panting mess. You reach for him, craving more, needing him closer but he refuses.

“Nope,” he grins playfully, pushing your chest gently so you lay back onto the bed, “I want to watch you come undone this time. I want to see you lose it when you come for me.”

Your back arches off the bed as you dance along the edge, squeezing your eyes shut you let his words do their magic.

“Be a good girl and come all over these fingers.” Your hips move helplessly, matching his speed as you chase the high.

“You’re luminous, absolutely divine, and all mine. Nobody can worship you as I do. Nobody else can make you feel this good.”

“No one compares to you,” you moan sensually as pleasure overtakes your body yet again, turning you into the mess he wants to see.

Your lips touch again after what feels like an eternity. “I’m glad you’re here,” he whispers, leaving another lazy kiss on your cheek, before moving to clean up the aftermath of your pleasures.

“Me too,” you say sleepily, pulling him back into your arms after he disposed of the condom. You feel yourself drifting off, about to fall into a soft slumber with your bodies entwined.

Jungkook grins, knowing he’s one step closer to convincing you to try again. He kisses you softly, lovingly, one more time before you both drift off into the early morning light.

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©shadowkoo 2024. All rights reserved.

[homestuckreplay]

i bet the SORD….. deals negative damage to enemies

(page 1817-1828)

After a long four days without updates (it’s convention season), Homestuck is BACK and I am so excited to be back. We pick back up with this beautiful panel of Jade’s dreambot surrounded by clouds, stars, lilypads… and frogs. Frogs which have previously been referred to as ‘Cherished Idol[s]’ that ‘play a special role in [John’s] quest’ but are also ‘ILLEGAL CONTRABAND’ (p.1358), and are simultaneously ‘sacred/illicit’ (p.1359). So the fact that they’re just hanging out here on Jade’s very Skaia-influenced island, hours at most before her entry into the Medium, has to be relevant.

Jade has built Dave’s house up to the First Gate here, and we previously saw Dave so the same to Rose’s (p.1689) so everyone is ready to progress in the game except for Jade herself, who’s stuck until John finds that disc. Jade is also directly in the narrative text again, which isn’t even weird because she’s so used to engaging with cosmic forces far beyond her control, I just find it worth noting each time. Finally, Jade has an entourage of Prospit agents watching her build, which is very cute. Maybe this tweet from a day before this page was posted has something to do with it.

Jade then reveals that her ‘neighbor in the other tower is supposed to be waking up soon’ (p.1819) which simply does not feel right. John has such a full schedule – he’s in the veil, he needs to do some ectobiology that he put on the suit for, he needs to talk to carcinoGeneticist again, he needs to go back to LOWAS, find the server disc and get Jade into the Medium, he needs to tell his friends about this Reckoning that’s about to happen, he might still be trying to save his dad, and now he’s also got to take a nap?? Of course he should sleep if he’s tired but his to do list within the story is REALLY piling up while everyone else is just alchemizing and building. We gotta cut back to John soon because I’m worried about him.

Then, Dave wakes up and starts alchemizing, and gets a little weird with it. He has more base materials to work with than Rose as he has all of future Dave’s stuff and I think he’s also less interested in being economical with grist, so here’s what he’s made so far.

iShades (Sunglasses && iPhone) – I think there is no need to give Apple this free publicity but it is cute that the Daves now have matching sunglasses.

Turntop (Timetables && Computer) – oh it has time powers you say?? perhaps the power to send messages through time? That almost doesn’t seem right because I feel like future Dave would have sent messages to his friends in the past if he later developed that power. Still, it’s possible the trolls did get those powers through some smart alchemy combinations. Anyway the two half keyboards feel intrinsically wrong somehow even though I know in my heart that is how typing works.

Red Plush Puppet Tux (Suit || Red Smuppet) – Hey Dave, why exactly do you want to wear a puppet? Why do you wanna be wrapped in the thing that’s tormented you your whole life? Also much like Rose’s velvet/wool dress, this thing will get WAY too hot for adventuring. These kids have never heard of breathable fabrics and Dave is on a lava planet. Dave also speculates about how the original suit was made, ending with ‘That's how you would have made it anyway.’ (p.1823). I don’t think this will get answered but I’d personally like it if Dave was wrong about this, just like he was wrong when he told John Davesprite ‘wouldnt give a shit’ about being told he wasn’t the real Dave (p.1692). Honestly I think that past versions of me would also misunderstand and misinterpret my current self so seeing that played out with Dave, especially when he’s so confident he’s right, is super interesting to me.

Broken Scarlet Ribbitar (Broken Caledscratch && Ruby Frog) – This is the first time we’ve seen the name of Dave’s sword, ‘Caledscratch’. A quick search for ‘caled sword’ pulls up a 2008 Arthurian mythology article saying that Caledfwlch was the early Welsh name for Excalibur, and Caladbolg was a sword belonging to an Irish folk hero, both from the Welsh/Irish word for ‘hard’. So ‘Caledscratch’ = ‘hard scratch’ which, yeah, that’s exactly what a sword does I guess. ‘Scratch’ could also refer to a record scratch, appropriate for the record on its hilt. Sometimes the names of things in this comic annoy me because in all my years of DMing I’ve never come up with anything this good.

Scarlet Ribbitar (Unbroken Caledscratch && Ruby Frog) – This is confirmation on how the sword actually works – Dave ‘dial[s] back CALEDSCRATCH'S little turntable, rewinding the sword to a point in its history before it was broken’ (p.1826). This was sort of implied by seeing it in action during ‘[S] Dave: Accelerate’ (p.1641) but it stated outright here. Anyway, neither this or the broken version get made because they cost millions of a mystery grist, perhaps a frog themed grist given the importance of frogs. Either way, I think combining anything with a frog will be an expensive item. Also I’d love to see what the reverse combination (Caledscratch || Ruby Frog) would look like – a frog with a sword for a tongue that can rewind/fast forward between tadpole and frog??

SORD….. – (Prop Sword && Hella Jeff) – This costs 0 grist and is completely unusable as a weapon. Sburb is like I don’t care just have this and get it away from my fancy technology. The fact that it turns not only the sword but also Dave himself and the panel he’s in to a SBAHJ quality level - and turns the alchemiter display font to Comic Sans - is potentially very disturbing, and could maybe be weaponized (for example, prototyping a sprite with a SORD….. might depower enemies a whole lot). I actually really badly want to make a SORD….. in real life and to cosplay this version of Dave at Comic Con this fall or something even though I super don’t have the time/money. Its design is as compelling as it is ridiculous.

Snoop Dogg Snow Cone Machete (Snoop && Air Conditioner || Caledscratch) – Okay I was confused about the Peanuts characters but having researched this, Snoop Dogg was a big fan of Peanuts and took his name from Snoopy, so it does make sense, even though I think Dave would find Peanuts way too earnest. I guess it makes sense for Dave to make an ice themed weapon given the heat of his planet, but this honestly reminds me of John’s Wrinklefucker (p.1068) – it’s a cool idea and looks useful, but doesn’t perfectly fit the character’s vibe.

To be continued, probably. We haven’t yet seen a panel of Dave surrounded by all his sweet loot so I’m sure he has more up his sleeve.

[fuhratheyluv]

tuesdays with you!

Your crush who you were assigned to tutor for extra credits… turns out to be terrible at math but incredible at making you laugh. At first, he shows up late, forgetting his notebook but never his iced coffee, which he starts sharing with you because "it tastes better with company". As weeks pass, tutoring becomes less about equations and more about quiet afternoons in the library, your pens brushing fingers, your doodles appearing in his margins. He starts memorizing formulas just to impress you, and you start looking forward to Tuesdays more than weekends. Then one day, he shows up early, nervous, holding a folded piece of paper with a graph on it. You look closer — it's a coordinate plane. "X marks the spot where I fell for you" He said.

chat this MIGHT be a tiny bit ooc, cuz this is my first genuinely written work and i'm not that good at writing, ft. Bokuto and Atsumu :))

Bokuto

Wins your heart by being his loud, unfiltered, hilarious self

Starts off distracted but eventually works harder just to impress you.

At first he thought you were one of those grumpy tutors who have no patience and immediately sigh once he gets a question wrong. He was incorrect of course! You had the patience of an angel with him, even when he spilled his iced mocha on the worksheets you didn't react negatively, only quickly grabbing the nearest thing you could use to clean it up.

One day, after your tutoring session, he approaches you before leaving the library... Is he hiding something behind him?

"Okay okay okay, don't laugh!" He giggles nervously, "I made you a.. uhm.. confession worksheet?" He reveals a piece of paper that was folded up in half with drawings on it.

"It's a silly homemade quiz called How To Know If You Like Bokuto Too!" Bokuto flips the paper over, showing the other page. The title on the top of the page with two questions under it.

Question 1: Do you like loud guys with great hair and better hearts?

Question 2: Do you want to maybe go on a date with me Tuesday instead of tutoring?

And at the bottom, Final Answer = I like you, Like.. A LOT

"I might mess up numbers, but I’m really sure about this."

Atsumu

He was late to the first session, obviously — waltzing in like he owned the place, no notebook, no pen, just way too much confidence.

"Sorry, I had to save a volleyball from crashin’ into the third-years’ lunch. I’m basically a hero." He grabs a chair and sits opposite to you. (You later found out he was just napping)

He was terrible at math, but even worse at focus, constantly interrupting with unrelated questions like: “Why do letters gotta be in math? Who invited x?” and "So if x equals my GPA, and y equals how hot you are, how do I get those numbers to add up?”

You threaten to quit, and he grins even wider. Once asked completely serious: “If I kiss you every time I get somethin’ right, would I pass?”

Then came the quiet shifts, the way he started actually bringing a pencil. the way he leaned in when you explained something. the way he stopped looking at the clock — and started looking at you.

"Hey… you’re really good at this, y’know? Not just math. Like… makin’ people wanna try."

He was still Atsumu — loud, cocky, and full of dramatic flair. But you started noticing the real version, too. The one who stayed up the night before, trying to understand a formula just so he could see your face light up when he got it right.

Shockingly, he shows up five minutes earlier than usual. His hair all messed up as if he had been in a hurry, two cups of coffee in hand. He hands you one with a sticky note. "I didn't know how to say it out loud so I wrote it down, kinda.. haha"

You unfold the sticky note once, then twice. Inside, in his messy handwriting, reads: "If I was smart, I’d know how to tell ya this right. But I’m not. So here’s the truth: Tuesdays stopped being about extra credit a long time ago. I don’t get math. But I get you. And that’s the only thing I actually wanna understand.”

He’s looking anywhere but at you, tapping his fingers on the lid of his cup. “So... if you feel the same, maybe let me take you somewhere that isn’t a library next time?”

I'm actually too tired to write more but lmk if y'all want a genshin version, reblogs are appreciated!! I just wanna see if this does well though 🤧🤧.

[bluebunnysart]

Fanart of my own fanfiction (Chimera Teto x Android Miku)

Good news! When I woke up and looked at my art again today, I liked it, so here's the uncolored version! I trust you tumblr people, so here you go! You may view. This technically means I've drawn UTAU Teto (here) and SynthV Teto, but I really want to color this and take my time doing so, so here are the lines before it turns into something else hahaha 😂😂😂 Read More for the stuff I wanted to write last night but was too tired to (also the art time lapse)

I showed like two WIPs of different ideas on Twitter but none of them were this LOL (just goes to show how much I wanna draw and see of these two specifically) but the reason I decided to go with this is 'cuz that fanfic I wrote in like one day really got me excited and it made me really want to draw them as I was imagining more stuff about them. Here I'll talk about what I had in mind

I love chimera Teto, especially her majestic wings, and what I drew here is basically inspired by that! Teto's basically the only "living, sentient" thing around Miku so far (I dunno how to approach adding more creatures just yet), which makes Miku extra interested in her. But basically Miku likes Teto's wings and tail too and is very fascinated by them.

I had an idea where Miku is just holding or playing with Teto's tail out of nowhere and complimenting the heck out of her, and that was condensed into this piece. It was too crowded on Miku's side to have Teto's tail there as well, but the reason Teto's embarrassed (tsundere is nice, aint it xD) is 'cuz Miku is indeed praising the heck out of her. Calling her cute and saying how cool her wings are and whatnot.

The dialogue kinda goes like, "Your wings are so cool! And I really like how expressive your tail is! I wonder what I would do with a tail. It's so cute! Actually, now that I think about it, all of you is really cute!!" (Teto, embarrassed: "Stop talking now.") wwww

Miku does have a kinda tail actually! It's the chain on top of her skirt. As an android, I was thinking it works as sort of a battery plug or USB or something. I can show off more of that later (since it's really small here lol) but she can use it to receive electricity and recharge herself, I guess~. (Note to self: make it bigger?)

I haven't shown off much of my art style, but most (normal) characters usually don't have pupils. (See: this Teto, who's a living breathing creature.) As a result, I decided to give Miku pupils (kinda robot-like) to make her seem like more of a robot. She also wears the thing (headphones) over her ears, of course, which I can also use to make her seem more robot-like. There's no green flashing of code in her eyes right now but I might draw that sometime too, after my loads of other ideas...

Teto's wings aren't fragile. They're probably firm, hard, and could even be scaly/rough (up to my own whims or the reader's own preference). Her letting Miku touch her (wings) is probably a huge display of trust/confidence. Teto's wings are strong enough to carry her far distances and even allow her to fly in bad weather, I think. It's up to Teto herself how much energy/desire she has to do things like that though.

This is mentioned in the fic too, but Teto probably folds her wings a lot so they don't get in the way. She's kinda like a bird. I think her silhouette against the sun or moon, with full wingspan, is probably majestic (I'm imagining the Batman symbol for some reason lol). I know some people color Teto's wings as purple, but I specified black in my fic to match her tail. ^^

In order for her wings to breathe, there are probably holes in the back of her outfit to accommodate them, but they're only big enough for the wings (ellipses/ovals probably): she either tears/cuts holes into the shirts she wears for her wings or they already fit her wings so there's no problem. I wonder if Teto made her UTAU outfit herself in this setting. xD (A girl has to pass the time SOMEHOW plus she's probably at least a little bit handy when it comes to clothes and stuff (survival).)

If, while I'm coloring, I need to make adjustments to the seating and lineart and all that, I will, but I figured I'd show off what made me stay up 'til 5 AM last night and then get embarrassed to post 'cuz I thought I wasn't finished yet. I woke up and I liked it, so I'm just gonna put it in this here blog. c:

I don't know how to color, so coloring will be a trip 😂

[crepes-suzette-373]

[Ch 1119 spoiler] Sanji can activate his exoskeleton at will?? So it wasn't him flipping unconsciously, he was doing it on purpose???

Or, if it's not at will, at the very least he's fully aware that it's activated.

WHAT!?!?!??!!?

This is really important!! If he can be self-aware when the exoskeleton was activated or he can turn it on and off at will, then he knows this is happening when he said "Power of Love". He might just be sarcastic, but he still knows full well that what he is calling "Power of Love" is the Germa mods.

See below how one moment the brow is normal and the next he can just casually do Ifrit Jambe (brow flipped, of course):

I know I probably shouldn't assume too much with very minimal info, but... there doesn't seem to be any alternative explanation at this point?

If Sanji doesn't mind calling the exoskeleton mods "Power of Love", then it's not impossible for the mods to be "redeemed" into just a force of good later. All we need is to make sure there is to somehow remove the time bomb trigger of his emotions getting messed up.

For the longest time I've noted that Sora was only protesting about the boys' emotions being fiddled with (theory post here). She did not say she's not okay with them having powers.

TL;DR in my analysis I've come to the conclusion that the reason why Sanji's modifications also disappeared when Sora's medicine worked on him because all the modifications are in the lineage factor. Whatever is in that medicine, it affected the entire lineage factor and so it blocked both the emotion manipulation and also the physical manipulation. We just don't really know the why and how specifics yet.

Therefore, Sanji keeping the powers is not against Sora's intentions. Once again, as long as he doesn't lose his ability to empathise and be kind, the exoskeleton and superpowers are fine. It'd be exactly like the Kamen Rider parallel, where the Rider got his whole powers from the evil organisation that he was fighting. He was just using that ill-gotten powers for the sake of good.

In some of my older theory posts I mentioned since Vegapunk is out of commission, extracting or manipulating very very specific strands of the lineage factor might be doable using Law's fruit powers, since it can selectively extract out his disease. We'll see later...

I'm kind of cautiously hopeful/excited. When I made the solar eclipse theory with Germa being the moon and Sora being the sun, I'm not sure if the intention is that he needs to get rid of the eclipsing moon to "become the sun" (remove Germa mods entirely), or the moon can stay but needs to be "adjusted/realigned" so that it can function properly because moonlight is simply the sun's reflection after all (fixing the Germa mods so that the exoskeleton and heightened speed and strength can stay, but no longer has any impact on his "heart"/emotions).

My personal preference is the latter, but in the fandom people were hyping up the former. I've seen some theories saying that Sora's medicine gave Sanji superpowers that is not the Germa mods somehow, so I wasn't overly confident with my theory, but this new chapter indicates that the version that I like is not completely impossible or off base. Crossing fingers...

Also this gives me a liiiiiittle bit more hope that 124ji can be healed later too. Think about it, even a full lunar eclipse doesn't make the moon go entirely dark and disappear. It just makes it look red and weird. There's still light in there.

[orphiclovers]

Thinking about Underground Killer by Lee Sookyung again.

The most obvious place to start is at it's compariosn to Notes from the Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky. Now I haven't read it and I'm not yet crazy enough to read a book just to be able to write a better orv meta (I mean I could. it's 22k words it isn't that long) but I DID read the sparknotes summary so I can make surface level comparison... but take everything I say about NFTU with a grain of salt as I'll be interpreting it creatively to fit ORV's narrative LOL

NFTU is split in two parts. The first part is a collection of notes from a lonely, misanthropic 40 something man full of self hate who feels paralyzed by inaction, overcome by inertia, unable to make a single decision about his own life. He is totally alienated from society and figuratively "underground"

I can see a fucked up inversion of Lee Sookyung's story here. Women in abusive marriages often struggle to leave for years and even decades, paralyzed by fear and learned helpnessness into not making a single decision. Underground Killer could be about her marriage to Dokja’s father and her life during that period, struggling with the desire to escape and her own fear. NFTU critises russian society - UK must have criticized the korean society that allows women to be abused this way.

But unlike the narrator of NFTU she DID make a decision in the end, she did something that required tremendous willpower- she killed her husband. Well, that's what she wrote in the book anyway.

I think Underground Killer must have been a story of how an intelligent woman could be driven to murder (providing an in depth motive so no one suspects she didn't, I suppose) and clearly it felt real. As this candid look into domestic violence's toll shook the country enough to inspire positive change in legislation. How did that happen? I assume it sparked some manner of protests and outrage and became a symbol of the feminist movement (since in no reality would it be the MEN pushing for a change in law to protect women's rights. be so fr).

It must have been a polarizing and controversial topic where everyone had their own take. I'm thinking what the reactions were.

Like I said, the women were mostly on Sookyung's side as they probably saw her actions as brave and inspirational. I'm thinking men absolutely hated it due to it's criticism of patriarchy and the feminist themes. Media at large was enchanted by the spectacle of it all and milked it for all it's worth. Kim Dokja’s peers were too young to care about the Adult thing everyone is talking about on TV at the time it came out.

Later, in high school it was the most fucked up version of "your mom" jokes possible and "don't look at kim dokja too long, or he's gonna snap and kill everyone haha"

At Minosoft it was "Kim Dokja...? Wait that Kim Dokja from that thing on TV a while ago? The son of that woman?" Just gossip.

People like Sagah who don't listen to gossip but read are vaugely familiar with it as a famous book a while ago

Then the apocalypse happens and it is irrelevant to anyone who isn't kim dokja

[luverz-exe]

Hey, I was wondering if maybe you could do yandere headcanons for The Riddler from arkahm city? I rarley see anything about the arkahm games. However, If not it's fine, have a nice day or night!

Yandere Arkham City! Riddler Headcanons

...Uh, hi. I'm back. sorry for the prolonged hiatus, I've just been...dealing with a lot at the moment. I'm glad to be back. I'm not gonna be making a full blown post for it, so imma just say my piece here. Don't worry Anon, I'm gonna get to your request soon- just wanna talk a little bit. Requests will be off for awhile, how long, I'm not sure. Going to finish the requests I can, I won't force myself to do them all- because if I can't write it, then I realize I'm not obligated to. A reason that I quit was because I was so overwhelmed with stuff. But that was any of your faults! I am absolutely astounded that I have so much support! Just that sometimes I need to realize that I can't do everything there is out there, because I'm still an amateur writer, there's a lot I can't do and even more that I have yet to get good at. Sorry for rambling, here's your request Anon!!

Slightly suggestive near the end, oopsie doopsie guys. Oh yeah, and he says some really mean words, guys- an absolute shocker 🤯

Here's the thing when it comes to Edward. He's an asshole- a smug, insensitive asshole. Of course, we all know this by now. But this snarky self-absorbed piece of shit is slowly starting to decay, inside out. His mental state fluctuates, and it really is straining on your "relationship". He believes in more practicality, you're here to be his assistant, and he's here to protect your primitive brain (though, less than your peers, just enough for him to take you under his wing and truly try and help you flourish) from combusting. He can make you smarter, you know. You have so much potential, enough to be second best...Just watch, and learn. It's not like you'll have a choice.

Yeah...The first few weeks-months will be tenuous- it's likely you didn't join this relationship of your own volition. And even if you somehow did, it's not going to be any better. He's making you go no contact with the outside world. While you call it a fucked up form of house arrest, he prefers to call it a more civilized form of rehabilitation. Sorry, not sorry- those idiotic, moronic, brain-dead louts would taint you again. No wonder you're so much dumber than him, all your life you've been surrounded by bad influences (so was he, but he's a prodigy, and you're just smarter than average- it's different). You have to stay away from them because any smarts he's been giving you might be sucked up by those braindead leeches!

Good news though- free range of his living space (if you can even call it that)! While he's still keeping his appearance semi-clean, his space hasn't, as he's slowly beginning his descent into the Arkham Knight version. But hey, how about you be a good helper and pick some stuff up- keep you occupied short-term. Because, you try and talk to him, it's going to be a lot longer- and you might want to take notes because he is going to test your knowledge on it later.

"Why are you bothering me? ..Cleaning? No, no, you stop that. If you're going to keep your mind occupied, then I recommend you grab the 11mm crowfoot wrench and get over here." When you didn't move, be it you didn't know where he stored those or a genuine lack of knowledge about wrenches, he peered up from his work. "..What, can't even do that?" He signed, furrowing his brow, but prevented himself from badmouthing further. It wasn't their fault for having an idiot society teach them about these things. "..Just- grab the flashlight, over there on the counter, I'll get it myself- and you better pay attention. This mistake will not be made more than once, I assure you of it."

Pity is a common occurrence, but his sympathy isn't. Oh, your poor pitiful shrunken brain, rotting away from all the bad people in your life. But you should've taken one quick look at him, realized he was your intellectual superior and asked for him to bring your brain to a normal size and to ditch everyone else in your life. That's your fault.

Now, it isn't all bad! Look on the bright side, learning is now your full time job- with him as your teacher (in a non-sexual way, because god-damnit if you think you can get out of learning about the proper ways to build one of his puzzles by giving him a handjob (you can, and probably should to avoid what would be considered a 5 hour lecture over the course of the day)). He enjoys teaching you all that he knows, and he expects you to share that enthusiasm, especially when he talks about batman. When he starts talking about the flying rat that plagues his life, you better listen. You're going to be his assistant someday with all of this 'killing Batman' thing, so you better hop on that train early.

While he does call you an idiot, he's just self-projecting his hatred of Batman (and himself) onto you. No, it's not your fault- it's 100% his own and he won't apologize or acknowledge it in a meaningful way. It slowly dissipates the more your 'nasty' attitude does, but even then it never fully disappears. Depends on the day. He'll never get better, though, not fully. And once you see how bad he becomes in Arkham Knight, you'll realize this isn't as low as he can go.

"You idiot! Can't you do something right? When I talk, you listen! Why do I even keep you around?! You're an absolute buffoon, you know that?...Of course you don't, you see? If you were with me sooner, you wouldn't be like this. We'll get you to the intelligence level you should be, don't you worry, but clearly we're going to need to change tactics if I'm going to get it through that thick skull of yours."

[worokapi]

i hope one day we can get the full cover arts of after god

Orokapi crying makes me want to explode tbh

Volume 8's cover- he looks so goooooood I love the snake scale tie I think we need more character design like that.

A promo of volume 8 was posted without the small title card, revealing that Orokapi is actually crying. Somehow I do feel like the covering of the teary eye detracts a bit, but it is really cool symbolism and a mindblowing one to come by it on your own. If the actual covers had it like a peelaway sticker that would be pretty neat 🤯

[Vol 8 Cover] [Vol 8 Promo]

Spoiler warning up to latest english chap (67 as of current) below

In another tweet, Eno notes all the volume covers share a similar motif where the title card obscures something the character wants to hide.

アフターゴッド８巻の内容+描き下ろし内容です。 &タイトルロゴなしverのカバーをチラ見せです。 タイトルロゴの位置は毎巻、「本人が隠したいもの」の位置に置いています。[Tweet Link]

Google Translate: Contents of After God Volume 8 + newly drawn contents. & A glimpse of the cover of the version without the title logo. In each volume, the title logo is placed in the position of ``something the person wants to hide.''

各巻のロゴの下に隠したもの一覧です。 1巻→目、2巻→舌、3巻→（代里子への）指輪、4巻→目、5巻→口・タヌボーグミ、6巻→ない左目、7巻→（池に投げた母の）指輪、8巻→涙 [Tweet Link]

Google Translate: This is a list of things hidden under the logo of each volume. Volume 1 → Eye, Volume 2 → Tongue, Volume 3 → Ring (for Yoriko), Volume 4 → Eye, Volume 5 → Mouth/Tanubogumi, Volume 6 → Missing left eye, Volume 7 → (Mother's thrown into the pond) Ring, Volume 8 → Tears

Thoughts/Interpretations:

Waka wanting to hide her eyes checks out especially in volume 1. Chapter 3 she exclaims she didn't want this either.

I'm not really sure why Tokinaga wants to hide his tongue; with only the context from the first two volumes one could assume it's because of the in-world thing about hiding one's face. But the specification it's the tongue with future insight, it could be an overarching thing where he technically hasn't been very truthful to others and has been lying, hiding the truth.

Minami and Yoriko canonically don't hide their engagement status, so could Minami's decision to hide his engagement ring be related to their work relationship possibly hindering their own personal lives? Snake imagery is pretty present here too. And we know later on in volume 3 what happens to him, and it literally separates the two.

Obikawa hiding his god pupils specifically is pretty self explanatory. But I'd also like to think of in chapter 32, he tells Tokinaga he doesn't want to use his god eyes on him.

Apparently there's a Tanuboo Gummy there in Waka's mouth?

Tokinaga's left eye holding a lot of secrets... the thing in his eye and his birthmark. COUGHS and chapter 66 was a massive exposition dump to be honest

The wedding ring of Yako/Furuya's mother, in which was what Furuya used to incite the death of over 80 people. I still love the drop at the end of chapter 58 where Yuma puts two and two together while his sisters ask what Furuya meant. The juxaposition of us, the audience knowing too with the child's innocence really hits the horror tenfold.

Orokapi's tearful eye, in which we see in the chapter he misses Vollof.. We also see potential parallels of Vollof in Tokinaga momentarily too from his perspective.

---

There is a photo of what Waka looks like under the cover of Chapter 1

[Image Source]

Someone replied asking if there will be plans to show the rest of the characters similarly. Eno says there's no plans right now, but maybe in the future. [Source]

I hope so! The covers are gorgeous and I'd love to see them all one day. I already adore staring at Eno Sumi's work