#nothing wrong with bisexual and i think it is very much under represented and i am a little guilty of that myself

[wis-art]

i thought lesbians would think I'm an imposter or something because i have a boyfriend and i dont exactly look like a girl most of the time, turns out they love me and support me and what i do and appreciate my art.

[rubiatinctorum]

Not me projecting onto Kazui but what if he's an extremely repressed bisexual (ft. some frenetic half-analysis) 😳

So he feels a sense of having to hide who he is from others, and when he tells his wife something honest about himself, it seems to me she really does not take it well. He wasn't unfaithful, but he wants to do things he "can't say out loud." So there are definitely, I think, some sort of repressed feelings there. But then we get to this line

And the name for one of the most common negative bisexual stereotypes I've heard is the "greedy bisexual," that idea of "wanting too much" and I can't say that because of his guilt and self-loathing right now Kazui wouldn't frame his identity/feelings this way.

The diction seems really significant here to me. Continuing forth with word choice, I found the use of "wrong" here very interesting,

When he's been describing his desire for physical affection (with whom? I'm curious) and is likely told that "it's wrong" to respond to with this. He's being told that this is "wrong" which is... I gotta say, not something I'm not used to hearing either from certain rhetoric 💀

In this line below, he seems like he's trying to follow a narrative set out for him, the heterosexual romance ideal so many are sold on. But Camouflage is an interesting point, because to fit within this framework, he has to blend in, hide part of himself.

And then well we get to two-way deceit

Like... swings both ways, Kazui?

Again, we have the perceived necessity of keeping his desires a secret

And the awareness that something so integral to him (and possibly romance related, considering heart connotations with love) might be considered a moral quandary rather than a part of his life (+ the rejection of this idea because he knows it's not a moral issue)

The green apple that Kazui picks up reflects as the head of himself from Half in his glass on a date; that apple was shown as something expressly different from the other red ones before. This could show that Kazui is feeling extremely different from everyone around him. He keeps the apple hidden (secret) under the table so his wife can't see.

When his wife is in distress later, it is a red apple that breaks, so we could recontextualize the green apple to be Kazui's state of differentness (maybe his sexual orientation if we want to interpret through that lens?)

Those are not Kazui's clothes, here. He wears this outfit in this scene:

And, if you will let me reach for straws, the homophone of bi and bye with the prominence of bye in the chorus... might be entirely coincidence but fuck it, if it is true, my analysis would have been worse for neglecting to add this

Digging into Half again, we get this line, which might tie back with the "So it's wrong? Oh, shove that!" from Cat,

Maybe his wife disapproves of him, thinking his existence as he is "wrong" and her opinion won't change.

We don't know who he's addressing here. Seems to be the woman, but

Next shot, she's blurred out. As if he's looking beyond her now and towards the bartender.

This could be representative of possible attraction towards both.

Looking at that apple of difference again, scales of his heart, scales having two sides to them, heart connotations with romance, his potential attraction towards men on one side and towards women on the other of these scales? The apple here is alone, in a spotlight, because it's the focus of this strife probably with his wife.

"all this time till now" has hurt him because he's probably felt this his whole life, despite keeping it a secret.

And he doesn't feel good about hiding it, so he tells her. Well, we see in audio drama 2 for him that it doesn't turn out so well.

And then,

Feelings shrouded in lies, in retrospect, another cue that he might have been hiding his identity and feelings, repressing them so his wife wouldn't find out and disapprove.

Then he says he's sure nothing will change, and they'll laugh together and call each other stupid names — he imagines that telling his wife how he feels might not put a rift between them after all. Sadly, we know now that it did.

Anyway, this is sort of just one theory I have about how to interpret Kazui's situation and Cat and Half. I've heard a lot of gay Kazui theory today, but I also wanted to account for certain (albeit stereotypical, but it may expressly be trying to invoke that) word choice, as well as what we see with the lady at the bar in Half and the mention of the "two-way" situation in Cat. If I were to do a full analysis of Kazui and Cat specifically here, I'd also have to account for, of course, what role does his alcohol and cigarette use play into his situation, since his specific digressions are related to how drunk he is or how he needs a cigarette break. What is the dove that he is eating meant to mean — doves and supposed "purity" going against how his wife may perceive his "wrong" nature, or does it represent some literal act of violence on Kazui's part we don't get to see, even though he states in his new drama that he hadn't fought against a girl before?

Um yeah so that's a lot of Kazui thoughts. Don't you miss when I was talking about the shoes in Triage instead

[sourstiless]

hey I just wanna know if you have a twt? because I think I’ve seen some of your takes on here regarding the threesome stuff and honestly you’re completely right. the biphobia in the 911 twt fandom is wild. your words will always get twisted or talked over if you share your opinion there. it’s a bi stereotype and it’s okay to not want that while also knowing there’s nothing wrong with threesomes in general. it’s bucks character being confirmed via threesome that would be the problem. not buck having a threesome in general. Idk if you’ll agree with me here or if you’re the same person I’m thinking but I just wanted to let you know that your opinion was valid and that 911twt never takes bi ppl seriously whenever they express discomfort in something

ahh yeah that’s me ksbdjsndjdn honestly it’s just frustrating because i see ppl taking very much needed context out of what people are saying and it’s driving me insane. like no one is upset about the threesome itself, people are just upset because a) it contradicts how his character has developed over the years and b) because they already made him cheat on his gf. it’s not the idea of a threesome itself that has people annoyed, it’s the idea of pairing two stereotypes about bi people, usually used against us with a negative connotation when paired together, with a character who is heavily coded as bisexual. people (wrongfully) use them to degrade us, and there’s nothing problematic about some bi people voicing how they don’t feel represented by that, or how they feel it’s a poor way to confirm a bisexual character’s sexuality. should people be throwing polyamory under the bus to insult bi people, absolutely not. but that’s not what people are doing rn. there’s nothing wrong with having a threesome, but there’s also nothing wrong with bi people feeling misrepresented by a trope so often used to degrade and/or sexualize them in media. they can coexist. especially if it wouldn’t be in line with how said character has developed. i feel like there’s just so much nuance in these discussions that just shouldn’t be had on twitter because like you said, they’ll always find a way to twist your words.

i don’t even think that the whole threesome thing is even happening. i think there are much more plausible theories out there that are way more likely to happen over the threesome one, and that one journalist liking tweets about it only makes me feel more confident that it’s NOT happening. i don’t think she’d have a job if she spoiled something like that before the episode airs. it’s just crazy to me how much is misconstrued on that app.

[stormblessed95]

Hi storm , can you please explain his tattoo. Many don't know about that choice of his tattoo or the meaning of it.

It's bigender tattoo right

Hi! Yeah, we can talk about it. As always, I am asking you (general you for those reading this) to please correct me if i get any information wrong here, I am cisgender and it's ALWAYS best to listen to those in the community involved first and foremost.

To start, first and foremost: Yes, this is a queer symbol and Jimin intentionally chose this symbol to write on himself and display among others for this shoot

This symbol generally can be used for and mean 4 things:

1. Most commonly this symbol is used as the Bigender symbol. This can fall under the same general category as gender fluid, non binary, etc. Basically it means that someone experiences aspects of both male and female gender identities at various degrees. It does not always mean you identify as BOTH male and female equally, just that you experience and accept both identities in some way. For example, someone can identify as male, but exhibit some qualities of feminine gender norms at times, or vice versa. And others can sometimes maintain that they exist where where experience 2 gender identities at the same time and exhibit qualities of both fairly consistently and equally. This is the most common use for this symbol and is the one it is usually used for and known for.

2. It can used as an Intersex Symbol. This basically means it is for people who are born with sexual qualities relating to both male and female reproduction organs. This has nothing to do with gender identities or sexuality. This covers a huge spectrum honestly all having having to do with hormones, chromosomes, etc. Many people who are intersex are assigned a gender at birth according to whichever traits/chromosomes are most dominant and live happily with that gender for the rest of their lives comfortably.

3. This was a symbol that used to be used for Bisexuality. It is not used much in the Bi community anymore really and is more generally associated with being the Bigender symbol (point number 1) but it does still hold the meaning there too, just not really as common nor used much anymore really. Still worth mentioning here though I think.

4. Allyship or sexual tolerance. Basically it is a vague way of saying it references to someone who is accepting of and tolerant of all the sexual/gender identities and lifestyles. Essentially a symbol for Queer Rights acitivism or allyship. Again, not really as commonly used as the first one, but still relevant and worth mentioning.

Basically we don't know EXACTLY what Jimin was saying here directly. He didn't tell us and there could be multiple meanings, with multiple different interpretations. If literally nothing else though, it is a very direct and open association with allyship for the queer community. And Jimin directly chose THIS symbol with this placement on his body for a photoshoot that for him, was about self expression and a chance to express things about himself that he did not get a chance to do normally. Everything he drew on his arms was meant to represent a part of himself here, he chose this for a reason. That shouldn't be ignored.

Not to mention that he did something similar once again at the end of 2020 for the MOTS ONE concert for his Day 2 performance of Filter. Drawing fake tattoos on the palms of his hands. The Latin words Illucebra, which means enticing and alluring, and Arcanus, which means being a confidant and a keeper of secrets. It is worth noting that Illucebra is a feminine form and Arcanus is a masculine form, once again of essentially what comes down to the same thing, being "charming" or "desired" for any kind of reason. He performed and then after the concert posted his photo thanking ARMY while holding up his hands for these words to be clearly seen where it was harder to get a good read on what they said while he was dancing.

So just once again, drawing those connections between masculine and feminine to himself and being quite open and clear with it. Interpretation again, can go in many different directions, but it's CLEARLY something that he resonates with and accepts with himself now, whatever reason it may be for him..

I also think that it is important to remember that you can be bigender and use gendered pronouns and identify more with certain gendered pronouns. Jimin and those closest to him, regardless of how he may or may not identify with the bigender tattoo, refers to himself with the he/him pronouns, so we should all do the same. Hopefully everyone LISTENS to what he is saying and showing us.

Reiterating again how special this photoshoot was, to Jimin, and to so so many other people out there too. He is so just open and brave and beautiful. Inside and out. He is exactly who he is and his journey of self love and self acceptance is so beautiful and inspiring. I'm so proud of him and love him so much. And he definitely can do both masculine and feminine energies better than anyone else, just saying. Both are clearly parts of him that he embraces.

Please correct me if any thing here is incorrect or needs updating! Either in comments or DMs or otherwise so I can edit this if I need to. Thanks for the ask and hopefully this is helpful

[sigynpenniman]

Julian Bashir Playlist Time!!

Apple Music playlist (if you're a heathen and subscribe to apple music like me) here

I know that there's plenty of people making playlists, but I really feel like this is an under-utilized brand of fan content. Instead of attempting to create a list of songs that Julian would listen to, or a playlist of songs which were all lyrically directly applicable (though there certainly some of those in here) regardless of genre, I tried to create something which captured, above all, his vibes instead, by choosing songs that balance at least somewhat relevant lyrical content with the energy or feel that I associate with the character. What it means matters, but not as much as how it makes you feel. That said, I signed up for apple music and read a TON of those overwrought iTunes store album review descriptions while I was making this, so I have a whole lot to say about all my choices here. In depth explanation of my symbolism and methodology behind each song under the keep reading. (I love tumblr. I want to write 1,000 words of analysis about why I picked songs to represent Julian Bashir and some of you are gonna read it. This is where I get to pretend to be one of those iTunes music writers. I feel joy.)

Good Morning - Two Door Cinema Club TDCC's Gameshow is high on my favorite albums of all time list for nebulous reasons I myself don't really understand. It was this album, though not this song (but one that will pop up later) that actually inspired me to make this playlist to begin with, as for some reason, from the color scheme of the album cover, to the overall vibe, to the ever-present references to illness, injury, surgery and healers in the lyrics, the whole thing feels inescapably Julian to me. And with an opening like I'm a sinner/I'm the victim/I'm an alien when I'm myself/I'm a healer/I'm a fixer/I'm a present danger to my health/I'm so strong/Doing what I'm supposed to do/ There's something wrong/With somebody like me, it's hard NOT to think about Julian when you hear this song, and I can't think of a better way to start this off.

Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood I think there's a joke somewhere about bisexual people all liking Sweater Weather, and yeah, I resemble that remark. Sweater Weather is just good. You'll notice there's a sort of chill-indie-alt-electronic thing going here, and that is very much the vibe I'm sticking with. Sweater Weather slots in beautifully, both sonically and thematically. As the singer looks to warm and protect the person he's with from the cold, you can't help but feel a loving coziness coming off of this one. It always makes me feel cozy, at least, so it's here.

Gooey - Glass Animals I have nothing to analyze here because the artists themselves have said that the lyrics of this song have no meaning, they're just meant to capture a vibe, and capture it they do. Close your eyes and ride the vibes of this one. The energy is right, I love it, it belongs here.

Blue - Mika I could probably write a couple hundred words on Blue alone, in any context. This might be my beloved Mika's magnum Opus. Opening the song with the inherently counterintuitive lyric Blue is a feminine color, Mika manages to pack it ALL into this 3 minute song: questions about gender; concepts of sadness, joy, and their intersections; of the perception of melancholy as a flaw and loving people despite, or maybe because of, those "flaws" and anything else about them; a powerful first person reassurance that made me start weeping in my car the first time I heard it; just the phrase "why are humans cruel to you." And oh boy, ARE there questions of gender. Why is blue NOT considered a feminine color? Is that a good thing, a bad thing? In 3 minutes of artful poetry, Mika manages to wrap up sadness, love, joy, pain, the feminine that exists within the masculine and the masculine that exists within the feminine, in the simple color of blue and then, in one lyric, validates it all. And on a much simpler and more obvious note, this is in fact all a philosophic musing on the symbolic meaning of the color we see Julian wearing almost all the time (when he's not in uniform, almost all his civvies are also shades of blue.) I feel like this is one of those songs that's hard to analyze because it does what music and poetry does best - communicate something that cannot be communicated any other way. With these broad themes of loving others around the things they can't love about themselves, you can decide for yourself if this one is coming FROM Julian or directed AT him, either works. I find myself struggling for exactly the words to explain this one, but listen to it; you'll understand.

Little Dark Age - MGMT Another choice with no obvious lyrical relevance, but the tonal fit was just too good to pass up. The vibes pass.

The City - The 1975 This song is one of several present because it leans on medical symbolism to get its point across, though I would be lying if I said I fully understood what that point was. But the entire second verse, apparently about the song's subject suffering from some kind of illness and reassuring him that the next one's the M.D./You'll be feeling just fine, seems somehow to transmit the discomfort of illness directly to the listener. I don't know how or why, but the effectiveness of the empathy the second half of this song elicits, in me at least, puts it squarely in the "odd medical vibes" category.

Surgery - Two Door Cinema Club THIS is the song that inspired this whole playlist, mostly because of its title and general vibe. Another example (of many) of medical/anatomical references in this album (another of the songs is called Fever, etc), this song just feels like Julian to me.

The Other Side Of Paradise - Glass Animals I really like Glass Animals. That is probably becoming obvious. Aside from its delightfully cohesive vibes, this song opens with what's simultaneously the slyest and most brazen gay lyric I have heard on the radio recently, as the male singer says When I was young and stupid my love left to be a rock and roll star/HE told me... The song seems to be about a man whose male lover left him in pursuit of fame and fortune, and eventually ends up with a woman, leaving the singer behind. It's got simultaneously subtle and obvious gay themes, it's got confused love affairs, it's got so much bisexual energy. I cannot think of anything that could be more Julian.

Sit Next To Me - Foster The People Kind of like Sweater Weather, this whole song is built around a rather cute and sweet "sit next to me," and you can't help but feel a bit warm and cozy when you listen to it. I think it pairs with sweater weather well, and slides in with the rest of the picks very nicely.

Nothing Better - The Postal Service (the original band of the lead singer of Death Cab For Cutie) Another example of heavy surgical symbolism, the very first lyric of this song is Will someone please call a surgeon. This is actually a duet, and the singers speak of their real hearts to represent their emotional ones. Something about Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures always gets me and always will. And it vibes good. It vibes so, so good.

&Run - Sir Sly Sir Sly's &Run is my favorite song for driving too fast. It does an amazing job of musical onomatopoeia, talking about running while making you want to run. It's a song about running out of plans and running as far as you can instead, which is all very "I'm illegal by definition so I went to the farthest possible reaches of space." And like everything else here, it just feels good. It's also one of the only highlights here that I can actually see Julian listening to.

Cosmic Love - Florence and the Machine It's no coincidence that it seems like most of us who are invested in Julian Bashir are some flavor of genderqueer, be it trans, nonbinary, questioning, or something else entirely - the man's got a Gender with a capital G, and there's a whole lot going on in there. Between the words that were written for him on the page, and the words that were actually spoken, and the way he carries himself, Julian always seems caught between the white, western, and frequently toxic masculinity that the writers often seemed to want to imbue him with, and the very different, racially and culturally distinct masculinity Sid actually brought. But there's an undeniable element of the feminine in Julian too, at least by a traditional definition. The presence of this part of him at all, much less the fact that, in-universe, it's the more traditionally "feminine" parts of himself - the caregiving and nurturing aspects - that Julian seems proudest of or to like most about himself, is a large part of what makes his character so interesting, at least to me. So there was no way I was getting out of this without acknowledging that somehow, and I can't think of a better way to acknowledge a complicated relationship with the feminine side of one's own gender than with this world's own Celtic divine feminine, Florence Welch. I can't think of any better artist, at least that I know of, to represent femininity as a nonspecific ethereal goddess-concept. I basically spun the wheel of Florence here, as anything would have worked, but Cosmic Love felt very appropriate for a character who does in fact live in space. There could even be some Garashir in here, I think.

Dream Sweet In Sea Major - ミラクルミュージカル, or Miracle Musical, a sister act made up of members of Tally Hall I also couldn't leave off without acknowledging Julian's affection for classic lounge music, especially since it's the only thing about his taste in music that we actually know. But instead of tacking on some rat pack, instead I'm polishing this off with the incredibly chaotic and somehow also perfectly cohesive and calm Dream Sweet in Sea Major. It's got all of the vibes of a lounge singer but gone completely off the rails, which just seems perfect somehow. And it's also a very nice feeling to be left with, so it seems only right to put it at the end.

and if you've read all of this, I love you. Y'all didn't know I was this into music did you. but I am. oh boy. I AM.

[vampish-glamour]

I never watched G*od Om*ns, so it was fandom again with the "they're gay"???

At least Star Trek did this right, you know, not lying to please someone. Spock and Kirk was never a thing and also was never meant to be a thing. But the creator himself said, if you wanna see them like that, it's fine. Do what you want. But in canon it's not that way.

But really, somehow fandom seems to make it easy for creators to just bait, but never commit and they're happy, wtf.

And IF they get actual lgbt rep, they're upset because it's not the character they WANTED to be lgbt....

Actually, the fandom is largely against them being gay because they claim it’s “nonbinary and asexual representation”.

Which bothers me just because they’re basically applauding homophobic tropes simply because they benefit from homophobic tropes.

I want to make it clear that my problem isn’t “why aren’t you making the characters canonically gay?!!?!!? This is homophobic!!!11!1!1”. I’m fine with the relationship remaining a close friendship canonically. And canonically speaking, I think I might prefer that tbh.

My problem is with how the original homophobia in the book sort of goes ignored, and how the writer teases and hints and in this case I would actually say baits… and then receives praise from the fandom for doing what everyone else does when it comes to gay pairings.

Basic overview of the situation from my POV:

Book establishes a character as a gay stereotype

Immediately goes “but he isn’t gay because angels are sexless unless they make an effort” (IMO the sexless thing could’ve been established in many other ways. Did it really have to be done in a “don’t worry he’s not gay” way?)

Book proceeds to make the gay stereotype thing a running joke, with the character being called various homophobic slurs (but see, it’s funny because it’s misplaced homophobia. He doesn’t actually deserve the homophobia he experiences like an actual gay person would /s)

Show comes out, includes romantic music, lots of subtext, and the writer confirming that it’s a “love story”, as well as the actors confirming they acted “in love”. Except… it’s done vaguely enough that anyone can come away with their own interpretation. Which is nothing new. There’s literally nothing revolutionary about leaving a same sex relationship “up for interpretation”.

All the “representation” actually comes from what the writer says on Twitter. He goes on about how they’re sexless and therefore cannot possibly be gay but are also inherently “queer”… but doesn’t actually add this into canon. So casual viewers are not experiencing any sort of “representation”.

IMO this is a homophobic media trope. Give two men or two women scenes that would be explicitly romantic if it were a man and a woman, tease the audience with “maybeee~”, but still make sure that ultimately, homophobes won’t be offended and can come away from the material thinking “what good friends!”. Say “it’s up for interpretation”, which is something I hardly see with M/F pairings. Especially with the virtue signalling on social media.

Keep in mind, something isn’t “representation” if everyone comes away with different ideas of what was represented. If one person can think “they’re gay and married” and another can think “they’re aspec and in a QPR”, that’s not representation. Representation only happens when something is undeniable. For example, a character who is undeniably bisexual because they are shown to be interested in both men and women (biphobic pannies coming to their own conclusions don’t count here lol, since bi = pan and pan = bi, so even if they claim the character is pansexual, they’re still getting the same outcome)

Now here’s where my issue comes in.

Instead of calling this out, the fandom runs with it and benefits from it. A vague relationship on screen allows them to claim representation for themselves, usually for made up labels like aspec, SAM type asexuality, queerplatonic, etc.

They praise the writer for being “inclusive”, and for “representing” them… when really this “inclusivity” is a result of homophobic tropes, and there’s actually no representation at all. Keep in mind, all the clues for what could be going on come from social media. A casual viewer is either going to see two gay men, or two good friends. They have no way of knowing about the woke “queer” bullshit unless they’re heavily involved in fandom.

The writer has a habit of teasing things and being intentionally misleading. Here’s an example

Not telling what’s going to happen and not giving spoilers, is very different from intentionally baiting. “Wait and see” sounds like a “yes”… because it would be incredibly shitty to lead people on when the answer is a solid “no”.

However, considering he’s only half of the writers, and establishing a relationship other than what he and the other writer discussed would be disrespectful… the answer is very likely “no”.

So just say “no”. It’s okay to say “no, they’re not getting together”. But he knows that people are more likely to watch if they’re waiting for the two to get together the whole time…so he has to keep it vague and mysterious and he has to keep baiting.

Of course the answer could very well be “yes” and that’s what he’s hinting at. But I highly doubt it, mostly because of the “only one author around” issue. So until I’m proven wrong, I will maintain that this is him being intentionally misleading, as he admitted to.

So that’s where I have the issue—I wouldn’t have an issue if he just straight up said “no, they’re not going to hook up, they’re good friends”. What is an issue, is perpetuating classic homophobic media tropes, of giving just enough but not too much…and then saying “it’s up for interpretation”. Which roughly translates to “here’s some crumbs for the gays”. What’s especially an issue, is then disguising this under woke kweer language and lapping up all the praise you can get for being such an “Ally” to “queers”.

And of course, I have an issue with how the fandom receives this. Because instead of calling the bullshit out for what it is, they actually call gay people talking about homophobia “aphobic discourse”, and say things like “gay men have enough representation!!”, and try to argue that actually, the homophobic trope of vague same sex relationships that are left up to interpretation, is actually super inclusive and amazing and progressive because it represents asexuals, aromantics, nonbinary people, queerplatonic relationships, etc.

Or they put down gay people for wanting more explicit representation, because “uhh… some people are aro!!! Some people are ace!!”. Despite missing that non romantic or non sexual relationships between men can be found in pretty much every single piece of media ever, and is 100% socially acceptable. Explicit gay relationships however, are still looked down upon.

And then they act like the religious homophobes, by taking “explicit gay representation” to mean “explicit hardcore sex scene”. Like I’ve seen nobody demand a sex scene when they’re talking about gay representation in G O. I’m certainly not. Yet the kweers always manage to interpret gay people wanting proper representation as “you want sex!!! You want porn!!!”. To me, it really seems no different from religious homophobes seeing an advertisement with two men and immediately talking about how it promotes “deviant gay sex”.

What worries me is that these types of fandoms—who applaud creators for giving gay people crumbs—set a precedent for other creators. They make it known that gay representation actually isn’t needed for media to be praised. They give creators a safe way to get out of representing gay couples—while keeping both the queers and homophobes happy at the same time. Now they can hop on social media and say “no, they’re not gay, but it’s up for interpretation!” And the queers will think this is top tier representation, and praise the creators for it.

As always, this turned into a long spiel lmao. But that’s an explanation of my thoughts and why I’m frustrated. Again—I’m not mad that a romantic relationship isn’t canon. That in itself isn’t homophobic. But the way that the writer and fandom are handling it, is.

I’m not familiar with Star Trek (I do want to watch it, mostly to understand the Star Trek vs Star Wars stuff lmao.), but it sounds like that’s a good way to handle it. If you don’t want to make a relationship canon—that’s fine. But be honest about it, don’t drag fans along with teasing and baiting.

[itsclydebitches]

(WLW anon) I really don’t like the “bad rep is better then none at all”. I hate that. We should want good rep, because bad rep has been used time and time again by homophobes as to say we shouldn’t get representation. To me it’s not “gay can have the same flaws as het”, it’s “fix the flaws in the het”. Also I know Renora being independent was a good, I was just saying in comparison BB. Also, yes, they were separated, but also didn’t stop thinking about each other. Especially bad with Yang.

Indulge me for a moment because I want to take a trip down memory lane and list some—just some—of the queer rep that has been important to me over the years:

Ellen comes out both as herself and as her character… years later, she’s a hated millionaire who is criticized for how she treats her staff

The wildly influential Buffy gives us two women entering a loving relationship… except then Tara is killed off, Willow goes evil for a time, and Buffy comes under fire for Joss Whedon’s everything

The beloved and respectable headmaster of one of the most popular book series ever published is revealed to be gay… except it doesn’t count because it wasn’t in the text and now all of Harry Potter is cancelled because JKR is transphobic

Kurt is an unambiguously gay teen in a hugely popular TV series, acting as one of the first overt representations a generation has seen… except he’s way too stereotypical and Glee is a joke now

Orange is the New Black gives us a number of queer women, including one of our first trans characters… but isn’t it problematic that they’re all criminals?

Brooklyn Nine-Nine hosts an out gay captain and gives us a bisexual coming out story that resonated with many, myself included… except now we’re supposed to hate all the characters on principle because they’re cops

Korra and Asami walk off into the spiritual sunset together… but they never kiss or anything, so that doesn’t count either

Steven Universe gives us a queer relationship and a wedding… but it’s an issue that this is just a kid’s show and, really, does it count when the rep is embodied by space rocks whose entire species only creates a single gender? Feels like a cop-out

Same with Good Omens. Yeah, Crowley and Aziraphale clearly love each other… but you never see them kiss or declare their intentions. It’s great ace rep though! Unless you want to level the criticism that asexual characters are always nonhuman

A character intended to be a minor guest becomes a show staple and eventually declares his love for one of the two main characters… except then Castiel immediately dies, Dean doesn’t respond, and they never meet on screen again

I finished Queen’s Gambit the other day and the main character had a one-night stand with a woman! … but everyone is talking about how bisexuality is used to represent her lowest point, so that’s bad too

I could go on for literal pages. Some of these arguments I agree with (Dumbledore), others I’ve pushed back against quite strongly (Crowley and Aziraphale), but all of them are valid criticisms depending on what part of the queer community you’re in and what your expectations are. My point here is that it’s all “bad rep.” I mean that seriously. If anyone reading this is scrambling for the comment section to say why [insert media title here] is actually fantastic rep, I guarantee that someone disagrees. Or if they don’t, give it some time. Just wait until the characterization becomes offensively outdated, or another part of the story ruins the relationship, or it comes out that the author did something truly horrific, or the terminology changes and it’s labeled as “problematic” now… just wait. At some point, any rep we feel is good rep now will be criticized, cancelled, and dragged through the mud. The rep that I personally haven’t seen much push-back against—like the beloved Captain Jack Harkness in Doctor Who, or Schitts Creek that just won a ton of awards—is wrapped up in the criticism, “So it’s all just about able-bodied, cis, (mostly) white dudes, huh? :/”  Even the argument that queer characters need to be written by queer authors doesn’t hold up. I absolutely adored Sense8. “Wow, a gay main character in a loving relationship with another gay man, both of whom enter a loving poly relationship with a woman, another lesbian trans main character who marries the love of her life on screen, an entire cast arguably queer due to them sharing orgy scenes centered around the emotional intimacy they share, everyone survives, and this was written by two trans women! Great, right?” Well, not according to the wealth of opinions explaining how Sense8 is horrible rep, actually. Every piece of rep we’ve got is either currently flawed or will become flawed in the future.

So what do we do with that?

That’s where my “I’d rather have bad rep than no rep at all” comes in. For me, that’s not waving the white flag. That’s not an oath that I won’t expect better rep in the future (I do) or that I won’t criticize the rep we get (BOY DO I), but rather just an acknowledgement of reality. The vast majority—if not the entirety—of rep is “bad rep” in one way or another, but I’d still rather have it than nothing at all. Because I’ve lived just long enough and studied media just enough to know what nothing looked like. It was watching all queer characters meet untimely deaths. Before that it was watching queer characters be derided and treated as jokes. Before that it was nothing but coding, where queer characters didn’t exist except in our own headcanons and interpretations. Obviously “bad rep” covers a very large range of issues and “They haven’t even confirmed this relationship yet” is a bigger issue than “This queer character embodies one or two, mild stereotypes,” but ultimately I’d take any of it over nothing at all. And enjoying what we’ve currently got doesn’t mean I’m willing to settle for it indefinitely.

To use an iffy analogy, imagine there’s a factory. This factory makes plates. So. Many. Plates. Big plates, small plates, plain plates, decorative plates, plates for every possible occasion in your life—and everyone with a steak for dinner is pleased as punch. You though? You’ve got soup. You need a bowl. Your entire life you’ve been struggling to eat your soup off a plate (it doesn’t work) and listening to friends and family claim that the plate with a slightly raised edge could be a bowl if you squint (it’s not). To say it’s frustrating is an understatement.

But then, one day, the factory starts producing bowls too. Hurray! Except as soon as you get your hands on one, you’re told you really shouldn’t be using it, let alone praising it. Look at the state of that bowl! It’s cracked right down the middle, ugly as hell, shoddily made all around… you’re not really going to settle for that, are you? And no, you obviously still want the factory to produce better bowls, but at the same time, this is a bowl. You’ve never gotten one before and you can finally enjoy your meal, even if the soup leaks at times. Sometimes a lot. But you’re still feeling better about your meal than you ever have before. And what you then begin to realize is that lots of the plates are a mess too. They also have cracks, they’re also ugly, many are also shoddily made. The difference is that the factory is producing so many plates at such a rapid pace that every steak eater is able to get by. One plate breaks completely? You’ve got a thousand fallbacks. Don’t like the look of this one? A thousand other options. You disagree about what “shoddily made” means? Luckily there are enough plates that everyone can find what they prefer! But the bowls… there’s only a few. Some are really expensive. Others are only available for a limited time before they suddenly disappear. Your bowl breaks and you have to wait months, years sometimes, to get another one. You’re constantly told to go buy this one obscure bowl no one else has heard about and yeah, you like it... but you’d also like to buy one of the bowls everyone is already enjoying. You find yourself looking at the plates and thinking, “I’d like that. I’d like to have so many options that the flaws, while still a problem, are much more bearable.” You’re still going to demand that the factory get its shit together, you’re still going to (rightly) complain about the awful quality of your bowl… but it’s still nice to have a bowl, period. There are still things you like about it, even if it’s a mess: the color, the size, the beauty of the shape of it. Its potential. You’re still pleased you have something to enjoy and that helps serve the need you’re looking to fill, even if that something is imperfect.

That’s “bad rep is better than no rep.” To bring this very long response back to Blake/Yang, I don’t think their problems negate their benefits. Is their relationship currently non-canonical and filled with a number of writing issues everyone has a right to be angry about? Yup. I express that anger a great deal. Are they still half of a team on a very popular show that is (presumably) set to be canonized as queer? Yup. I’d much rather live in a world where big shows like RWBY try to include queer rep and fail in a multitude of ways—with the expectation and hope that they’ll continue to improve—rather than in a world where authors a) don’t care or b) are too scared to try. Because that’s where a “good rep or no rep” stance leads. The danger isn’t homophobes because they’re, well, homophobes. It doesn’t matter if the rep is good or not, they hate it on principle. But if queer authors writing for other queer identities, or allies writing queer identities, or even queer authors writing their own experiences (like in Sense8) continually come under non-stop fire for their attempts… there’s a good chance that many people won’t ever try. We’re already seeing that here on tumblr with young authors admitting that they wouldn’t touch [insert topic here] with a ten-foot pole because just look at what happens when you get it wrong. And authors will get things wrong because authors are fallible people forever unlearning their own ignorance. So though it might sound strange coming from a blog that has turned into such a RWBY critical space, I am glad that RWBY’s queer rep exists, despite all the frustrations that I share about it. I think a RWBY with various types of “bad” queer rep is better than a RWBY with no queer rep at all, particularly when “bad” or “good” is so intensely subjective. There’s a middle ground between passively accepting whatever we’re given, and tearing into rep with such ferocity that we end up rejecting it all. There’s a space where we can be critical of rep and embrace the parts that work for us, simultaneously.

I hope and expect the het rep will get better too, but… that’s never going to happen instantly. To quote RWBY, there’s no magic wand we can wave to fix all our problems. Rather, it will take slow, plodding, meandering, lifetimes’ worth of work to see that change occur and I personally don’t want to spend the one life I have waiting for that perfect rep to show up. Because it’s unlikely that it will. While we work, I’d rather find the good in what rep we’ve already got.  

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update

it’s been a hot minute since the last time I posted one of these, because things refuse to stop happening and I’ve recently felt like my brain was completely breaking down. focusing on any kind of reading lately has been hard, and probably not helped by the fact that I decided to try to start off the year with some dense-ass academic texts. 

that’s been getting me nowhere fast, so I’m gonna say fuck that and focus on clearing out the fiction from my to-read list for the time being. 

what have I been reading?

The Tragedy of Heterosexuality (Jane Ward) - smart and punchy, always delightful to read research that presents cisheterosexuality as the strange Other to parse and make sense of. much like when I read Angela Chen’s Ace, I was equally excited about actually reading this book and about the future of queer nonfic that it represented.

Real Life (Brandon Taylor) - I’m not generally a contemporary lit fic kind of man, but maybe Brandon Taylor will be my exception? he captures the hypnotic tedium and introspection of my favorite short stories and makes it into a full-length novel without ever losing my interest, and that’s doing something. he seems to be sort of a publishing whiz kid right now, and I’m looking forward to seeing where his career is going.

When They Call You A Terrorist: A Black Lives Matter Memoir (Patrisse Khan-Cullors) - file this under ‘books to make you want to set some things on fire.’ 

The Traitor Baru Cormorant (Seth Dickinson) - ‘surely it can’t be as good as all that’ I thought. ‘it’s a fantasy about economics, where’s the fun in that?’ I thought. ‘nothing ever lives up to the hype,’ I thought. readers, I was delighted to be wrong. 

The Death of Vivek Oji (Akwaeke Emezi) - I’ve talked more than a little about how Emezi’s debut YA novel fell flat for me, but we’re right back on track with their second novel for adults. I think I might have liked it even more than Freshwater, which I didn’t think was possible, and in conclusion we have no choice but to stan.

Everyone on the Moon is Essential Personnel (Julian K. Jarboe) - very few short story collections are slam dunk winners all the way through, but also very few short stories are this screamingly queer and punky and weird, so it all balances out and I still very much consider this a win. I wish profoundly I’d written down the name of a few stories I liked in particular before I returned the book to the library but alas, art remains ephemeral and all that.

A Quick and Easy Guide to Sex and Disability (A. Andrews) - exactly what it says on the tin, which is to say, pleasant but not particularly in-depth. regardless, definitely not a bad one for any sex educator (or sex witch, as you do) to keep around, and if you don’t know shit about sex for disabled folks then give it a gander.

What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape (Sohaila Abdulali) - oofa doofa, what to say? I love this book for how refreshingly frank it is; Abdulali is a survivor and extends the utmost empathy to fellow survivors while refusing to be precious about rape, which kind of kicks ass. she’s also Indian and does a pretty solid job not grounding the book in an entirely Western context, which is rare to encounter in this type of literature, and overall it would be a big yeehaw from me if not for the book’s passive insistence that only men commit sex crimes, which is a particularly glaring oversight come from a bisexual author.

The Empress of Salt and Fortune (Nghi Vo) - exactly the novella I needed to get me out of my no-reading rut. short and sharp and delicious, a recollection of rebellion that I devoured in about a day. maybe this will be the year I get novellas!

what am I reading now?

Shades of Milk and Honey (Mary Robinette Kowal) - I literally just started this, like, 20 minutes ago, and I’m already obsessed even though I’m only a chapter deep. this is definitely for people who like Pride and Prejudice (hi) and also reminds me of Silvia Moreno-Garcia’s The Beautiful Ones, which I also devoured, so this should be an excellent time. 

[kirkwallgremlin]

Under the Stars

Carver x Alistair, 1695 words. Tags: first kiss, picnics, boys being bisexual under the stars

Summary: Alistair Theirin and Carver Hawke reluctantly attend a formal event as Warden representatives. They discover that it’s actually much nicer outside under the stars. Written for the prompt “staring at the other’s lips, trying not to kiss them before giving in” from @natalyelle but tumblr ate the original ask 💔

read on ao3

* ~ *

One advantage of being a Grey Warden, Alistair often thought, was the general lack of expected involvement in fancy politicised events.

Of course, that wasn’t always the case, and Alistair found himself now standing awkwardly to the side of one such event, wearing an uncomfortably stiff formal uniform and doing his very best to avoid the attention of the well dressed ladies trying to catch his eye. It had been easier when he hadn’t been alone, when he’d been able to look busy in conversation, unable to give them any time.

Not that he was pretending to be interested in talking to Carver, of course. He was always interested in what his fellow Warden had to say and it had definitely been a relief when the Warden Commander had told him who’d be accompanying him when he’d insisted the Wardens made an appearance.

But now his fellow Warden had wandered off to do… something, and Alistair was left trying to pretend he actually knew what he was doing.

“Got you something,” Carver said, reappearing beside him as if he knew he was the subject of Alistair’s thoughts, a plate of finger food clutched in his hands. It wasn’t entirely clear what the food was, other than something fancy and no doubt expensive. “Dunno what they are but they taste good.”

“Were you meant to take the whole plate?” Alistair asked, amused. Carver glanced down at it and shrugged as Alistair helped himself. Even on closer inspection it wasn’t clear exactly what he was eating but Carver was right - it was good.

“They didn’t stop me when I grabbed it,” he said, popping one delicately in his mouth. “I thought maybe we could get out of here. Find somewhere outside.”

“It’s a tough decision,” Alistair said, already moving towards the external door. “But you have made a very compelling argument. Even better if you’re throwing in that plate of food. Let’s go.”

They found a quiet place in a courtyard outside, close enough that a quiet rumble of noise from the party inside still filled the air but with enough silence that they finally felt alone. A wash of dim light filled the area, radiating out from the main building, illuminating the area enough that Alistair could see both Carver and the stars.

Carver offered him the plate then set it down on the low wall beside them, close enough they could both reach it.

“Reckon you can catch this in your mouth?” he asked, holding up a bit of food.

“Try me,” Alistair said, opening his mouth. He caught the first two Carver threw, missing the third, which hit him directly in the face as Carver laughed.

“You try, then,” he said, brushing the side of his face clean and throwing one back at Carver. It hit his cheek and Carver looked at him in mock offence.

“You didn’t give me time to be ready,” he said, throwing one back.

“A warden should always be ready, Hawke,” Alistair teased.

“Shut it, Theirin,” Carver said, his mouth full as they lapsed into silence again, gazing out over the gardens. They were beautiful but Alistair hated to think of the work that must go into maintaining them.

“I hate this uniform.” Alistair said after a moment, pulling at the collar. “We have perfectly functional everyday ones but they insist on forcing us into these… things for formal events.”

“They should’ve gotten your expert fashion opinion,” Carver said with a sideways smirk. He tossed another tiny portion of food into the air, catching it in his mouth.

“I probably could have done a better job,” Alistair said. “At least I’d make them comfortable. And maybe they could do with a few patterns. Even more stripes. Get rid of this awful itchy collar. Who knows, I could have a new career in fashion if this Warden thing stops working out.”

“I like the uniforms,” Carver shrugged. “They show off muscles quite nicely.”

“It does make your arms look very good,” Alistair acknowledged. He’d tried not to notice but he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t looked.

“You’re not wrong,” Carver said with a cheeky grin in his direction. “But... it wasn’t my muscles I was looking at.”

He looked away with the end of his sentence, his eyes fixed steadily on the gardens in front of them, and Alistair felt his cheeks grow hot. The cool night air was a contrast on his warm skin.

“It’s nice out here.” Alistair said, breaking the moment of silence that followed Carver’s words, though he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to. There was something comfortable in the moment. Besides, he really didn’t know what else to say to that, not without making his own face even redder. “Much nicer than in there, anyway. Quieter. Less noise and attention. You can see the plants and the stars and… the trees.”

Carver snorted.

“It’s not hard to be nicer than in there, full of those pompous asses.”

“Imagine if I’d become the king of Ferelden.” Alistair’s voice was soft. He tried not to think about how close he’d come to that. “I’d have been stuck at all kinds of fancy posh events like this and they’d probably care more if I left.”

“You’d probably be able to snap your fingers and demand more of these any time you wanted though,” Carver pointed out, placing one of the few remaining morsels of food into his mouth.

“You’re right, I’ve made an awful mistake turning down the throne.” Alistair laughed. “I wonder how her majesty would feel if I tried to take it back now. Sorry Anora, I know I gave up all claim to the throne but you see, there were these excellent snacks at that event last week, and...”

He trailed off with a laugh. Carver laughed with him.

“I’m glad you didn’t become king,” he said.

“Oh?”

Carver turned to face him again, leaning casually against the wall beside them.

“If you were king, you’d be stuck somewhere else across the room, surrounded by important people, and I’d be here with somebody else, probably bored out of my brain.”

“You’d find a way to make it fun, I’m sure,” Alistair said. “You’re good at making things fun. Even the dullest things I can possibly think off, like… listening to boring speeches. Or giving boring speeches. Or… I don’t know, washing socks.”

Carver shrugged.

“Maybe. I’d rather be here with you though,” he said, smiling as he caught Alistair’s eye again. “I like being with you.”

“I like being with you too,” Alistair said, smiling back at him, and it was true. Things were more fun to do with Carver around, and Alistair felt happier when he was. Carver made him laugh, made him want to be the best person he could be, and with Carver, he never felt like he had to pretend to be anything he wasn’t or to pretend he was ok when he wasn’t.

There really wasn’t anybody he’d rather be here with than Carver.

While the circumstances of Carver’s Joining - hauled from the Deep Roads on the brink of death - hadn’t been ideal, Alistair was very grateful that at least it had brought them together.

He realised he’d become distracted, caught up in his own thoughts, and he focused on bringing his attention back to Carver, the way Carver still looked at him, the way his eyes fixed steadily on Alistair’s face.

“It’s beautiful out here,” Alistair said, trying to ignore the way his mouth was inexplicably suddenly very dry.

Carver’s lips curved into a smile.

“You already said that.”

“Did I?” Alistair said absentmindedly, trying as hard as he could not to think about that smile, to tear his eyes and his thoughts away from those lips. His heartbeat sounded in his ears, a steady beat, all but drowning out the distant noise from inside.

“Yeah,” Carver said and Alistair’s eyes finally lifted away from Carver’s mouth to meet his eyes. They always made him think of the sky, blue and bright, the kind of eyes you could get lost in if you looked too long.

They were even more beautiful than the stars.

“Alistair?” Carver said and Alistair felt the blood rush to his cheeks, wondering if he had spoken the thought out loud. But he still didn’t look away, couldn’t look away, as Carver’s eyes now flicked down towards Alistair’s mouth.

He didn’t know exactly what happened next, if he moved or if Carver did, but suddenly his lips were against Carver’s and Carver’s were against his and Carver was all he could think about. Nothing else mattered, not the party inside, not all the people there, not their responsibilities. Nothing mattered but Carver and the way his lips felt against Alistair’s, the way his hand crept around Alistair’s back, pulling him closer.

When Carver broke the kiss, stepped back, his hand lingered on Alistair’s waist, a smile curving across his face. Alistair opened his mouth to say something but words failed him as he gaped at Carver, wondering if Carver would do it again, would let him do it again.

“I never thought I’d see you speechless,” Carver said. “Maybe I should’ve tried that earlier.”

Alistair’s cheeks grew hot again and Carver smiled at him reassuringly, his grip on Alistair’s hip tightening ever so slightly as he leaned forward.

“Then again, I always like listening to you talk.”

“I can’t say I’d mind being shut up like that,” Alistair said, conscious of how quiet his voice was. Carver was so close, though, that it really didn’t matter. “In fact, you’re welcome to do it anytime you want. More than welcome in fact. Although-”

He didn’t get to finish the thought before Carver took advantage of his newfound strategy.

“I said you were good at finding ways to make things fun,” Alistair told him breathlessly when Carver stepped back again and the other Warden laughed.

“Shame I’m still bored though,” he said. “I guess I better try again.”

“A terrible shame,” Alistair said. “I do hope I can find a way to help.”

And this time, it was him that leaned in to kiss Carver.

[thatsamericano]

Some headcanons I have in relation to Romano’s sex life as a trans man before he recognized he was trans. Very uncomfortable stuff about gender dysphoria under the cut with some AFAB language about body parts and one instance of a female pronoun because that’s how Romano would have thought of this stuff at the time. Disclaimer that I’m cis and not trying to represent the experiences of all trans guys, only this fictional character I can imagine as a trans guy:

For the purposes of this post, Romano didn’t know he was trans or that he wasn’t a woman by the time he reached adulthood because the time period he was living in had very little recognition of trans identities. He thought of himself as a woman because he didn’t have the necessary language to think “actually, I’m assigned female at birth but I’m not a woman.” He thought of himself as a strange, inadequate woman with a weird, very uncomfortable relationship to her body.

He’s bisexual, and he was always into men and women. If he experienced shame around who he was attracted to, it was the women, not the men, because he and other people thought he was a woman and society said that was wrong. And, for reasons I’ll get into below, he might have thought he was a lesbian because his early sexual experiences with men were more uncomfortable than the ones he had with women. Once he figured out he was trans and was with a guy who respected that and respected that he didn’t want to do certain things just because he had AFAB anatomy, he realized his attraction to men was much stronger than he’d previously thought it was. He liked being with guys, but only if it was understood that he is a guy, not a woman.

He was dysphoric about his chest, but didn’t recognize it as dysphoria. He wasn’t particularly sensitive there, so he was basically like “Why the fuck are you paying so much attention to my breasts? This is annoying and uncomfortable, please move the fuck on.”

He often didn’t like getting turned on, because getting turned on meant getting wet, and that made him feel icky and gross (but I don’t think he had an issue with his cis female partners getting wet). If he was able to imagine himself with a dick that got hard (which might have happened, but not at first), he felt a lot better.

He hated vaginal penetration of any kind, especially PIV. His vagina physically functioned just fine, penetration wasn’t unusually painful, and he might have occasionally been able to achieve physical orgasm from that. But it just made him feel horrible, because it was reminding him of this bodily cavity he didn’t want to have. He might have thought he just hated being with men or hated the way someone putting their dick in him made him feel like the more submissive partner, but it was specific vaginal dysphoria he didn’t recognize. This could sometimes happen with women too. If they slipped their finger or tongue inside him, Romano would instantly enjoy the experience a lot less.

If partners were going to focus on him, he’d really prefer that they just focus on his clitoris, and not in a slow, gentle way like he was some soft woman with delicate lady parts (Romano wasn’t sexist like this, but some of his male partners would have been. And his female partners might have initially started off more soft and gentle on him based on their own preferences for how they prefer to be touched.) He liked getting rubbed or sucked so hard and rough that his partners would worry about possibly hurting him (especially the male ones) because he was getting treated like he was strong instead of fragile. And sometimes if he was receiving oral or they were rubbing his clit, Romano would close his eyes and imagine he was getting a blowjob or a handjob.

Because of period-typical sexism, cis male partners were much more likely to treat Romano as a soft, delicate woman both in and out of the bedroom. His cis female partners were more likely to listen to him about what he actually liked when it came to sex and to treat him as an equal in their relationship. Even when he was with a nice guy who wasn’t sexist and didn’t treat Romano like the weaker partner, Romano could often feel crappy because he’d be subconsciously comparing himself and his body to his partner’s. His jealousy would manifest as annoyance, and he thought maybe he just hated being with guys or didn’t like his partner as a person (which wouldn’t make sense, because they were nice to him and hadn’t done anything wrong). Once he recognizes that he’s trans, he still has some jealousy and compares himself to his male partners, but he’s able to understand that it’s gender dysphoria and not a relationship issue or not liking men. 

A lot of times he’d prefer to focus on his partner and do stuff to them rather than the other way around. He might have been disappointed if he didn’t get off, but at least nothing uncomfortable was being done to him.

Being the bottom during anal sex for the first time was a revelation for him. He generally prefers to top, but this is not an exclusive preference like he had assumed it was prior to that experience. Romano was surprised to learn he could enjoy being penetrated regardless of the gender of his partner, but likes getting fucked in the ass and not the vagina.

His absolute favorite thing to do was fuck his partner (regardless of gender) with a dildo, especially if he was wearing it like a strap-on. It was very affirming for him to fuck someone with a phallus he thought of as an extension of his own body and not just a fun toy and to see and hear them really enjoying being fucked by what he thought of as his dick. Sometimes he liked this so much that he climaxed from it, even if the only physical stimulation he got was the strap-on rubbing up against his clit.

[babesonly]

okay so im gonna try to articulate better specifically why i had a problem with what bryan said in the reunion because i keep seeing bad takes in the tag and in the replies of my previous post!

under a readmore because i had a lot to say and also there is discussions of sex.

so for starters, i am not saying will and hannibal have to have an on screen sexual relationship. i am not oversexualizing them because i think it would be hot. i am a lesbian, so a sex scene between 2 men doesnt do much for me! i am just acknowledging a growing trend of desexualizing m/m pairings and how that is harmful.

bryan started by talking about how asexual fans have praised the show for showing such a powerful relationship without sex being a necessity and how hes glad to provide that, and i do not have a problem with that! theres nothing wrong with people enjoying that about their relationship! my problem is with what he says after this, when he says their relationship is "pure love" without the need for sex.

bryan is gay, i'm well aware, but that doesnt make him exempt from pushing homophobic narratives or poorly representing bi men. no matter what his intention was, what he said is that they have a pure love without sex. no matter who you are or what your intention is, the implication that sex makes a gay relationship less pure is homophobic, full stop. as a lesbian, if i said that margot and alana's relationship would be better if they didnt sleep together, i would be pushing a lesbophobic narrative.

trying to pass it off as asexuality is almost insulting in my opinion. the show has not shied away from depicting both will and hannibal in sexual relationships with women. when it came to alana or margot, bryan certainly didn't seem to believe they're asexual. it's only with each other that he brings up asexuality.

on top of this, he calls will graham heterosexual, but also says that he's in love with hannibal. he says sexuality is fluid, sure, but he says will is straight, not that will believed he was straight before he fell in love with hannibal. even if will is almost exclusively attracted to women and having feelings for a man is extremely rare or even if hannibal is the first man he's had feelings for, will is bisexual. pushing the idea he's straight with an exception or whatever is biphobic. that's not something that should be a debate and not something i am willing to debate on.

these statements also don't hold up against bryan's own past actions or the content of the show! bryan has made jokes on twitter several times about will and hannibal having sex or engaging in a physical relationship! the first thing that comes to mind is a tweet where someone asked what will and hannibal were doing in the finale while waiting for dolarhyde off screen and bryan responded with "well they did both change clothes" with the implication that something sexual happened not exactly subtle. in the show, the ortolan scene and the scene where will is having sex with margot and finishes when he makes eye contact with the stag man, which represents hannibal, also very clearly suggest a sexual side to their relationship. things like that paired with will and hannibal's on screen sexual relationships with women make it pretty clear in my opinion that he has never had asexuality in mind during the creation of this show and he's just using it as a copout now.

and why would bryan do this now, after years of alluding to a sexual relationship? easy, an intense but nonsexual relationship between two men is much easier to sell to straight audiences and bryan wants the show renewed. think about all the other pieces of media where two men are extremely close and the creators talk about how they have an intense bond and how they love each other but their relationship transcends the need for typical romantic and sexual gestures. two of the most well known examples are good omens and supernatural! in good omens especially, the treatment of the relationship is almost identical. neil gaiman said on multiple occasions how being angels meant their love didnt need typical romantic gestures and the fandom at large ate it up and shamed mlm who were hurt at how adamantly neil gaiman denied the possibility of an actual romantic or sexual relationship. yall are doing the exact same thing now to mlm who were hurt by what bryan said.

gay sex is not impure, will and hannibal's relationship would be just as meaningful if they had sex, and people believing that is not inherently oversexualizing them. acting like mlm are being fetishistic or sex obsessed for wanting to see a sexual relationship between two men is homophobic. will graham is not and has never been heterosexual, even before he actively had feelings for a man, and to say he was heterosexual at any point because he wasn't dating men is biphobic.

is there room to talk about the way certain fans fetishize will and hannibal just like they do in other fandoms with a popular m/m pairing? absolutely! but this is not the time or place for that discussion. right now, mlm get to be upset with bryan for what he said. im done talking about this now and if you just respond to this saying ace rights or anything similar i will just block you.

[ummadum]

Why José Mourinho is problematic

I’m not a fan of José Mourinho and whilst I can come around to his tactics, I really doubt I will ever like him as a person.

Football is a very misogynistic, homophobic, racist and generally disrespectful place where people, especially powerful people, are not held accountable for their actions and words. This post is an accumulation of some of the very worrying things Jose has said and done over the years, that he has never acknowledged nor apologised for. I think that it’s important to keep these things in mind especially now, because the “José is a great person” idea is on the rise again. Whilst someone like Sergè, who also said some really disrespectful things, but someone who apologised for them and was willing to learn from his mistake, has his mistakes constantly brought up again, we are ignoring and burying all the things that are really wrong with our manager. 

And if the club have asked Sergé to acknowledge and apologise for his statements (the right move), then we should do the same with Mourinho, who was much older when he said those things and had and has a lot more power and reach. 

Homophobic

In 2012, as Real Madrid manager, Mourinho was caught on camera using “marocones” (which means faggot in English) to refer to the referees pre champion league match agains CSKA Moscow. 

This is a link to the video [x]  it’s about 20 seconds in.

The European Gay and Lesbian Sports Federation (EGLSF) released a statement [x] calling for action, which includes this:

Louise Englefield, Co-president of the EGLSF, an organisation representing over 17,000 lesbian gay bisexual and trans (LGBT) athletes across Europe, said: “Homophobia is unacceptable from anyone in football, much less from one of the game’s most senior figures. We are deeply disappointed that Mr Mourinho is casually using homophobic terms of abuse in his workplace. It is especially sad that these comments have been made during the International Football v Homophobia campaign week. This is a time during which the European football community should be joining forces to tackle discrimination and prejudice against lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people . As long-standing partners of the FARE network, we call on UEFA to take action and impose appropriate sanctions.”

And yet nothing ever happened, no apology, no acknowledgment and no sanctions.

Racist

Josés stance on racism is an interesting one, because he has publicly stated that he is opposed to direct racism, yet does apparently not believe that there is an underlying structural racism problem in the world and in football.

About coaching opportiunities for black coaches

In 2014, when questioned whether football needs a Rooney rule, which in the NFL ensures that ethnic minority candidates are adequately represented in the interview process for head coaching positions, he said this: 

When asked if he felt football was doing enough to bring in black managers and whether he felt a quota should be introduced, Mourinho said: “There is no racism in football. If you are good, you are good. If you are good, you get the job.” “If you are good, you prove that you deserve the job. Football is not stupid to close the doors to top people. If you are top, you are top.” [x]

At the moment of publication of this article, only two of 92 clubs in the top four divisions in English football had a black manager. And only four black managers have ever worked in the premier league. 

His statement warranted this lengthy response from the then FIFA Vice-President Jeffrey Webb. [x] Who points to a much larger problem of lack of enthnic people in power in football in general.

About Hair

“I want to push the young players on my team to have a proper haircut, not the Rastafarian or the others they have.”

I don't have the exact source but it’s mentioned in multiple “best of José quotes articles [x]  [x]

Misogyny

Dr. Carniero

The most obvious place to start talking about Mourinho and his issues with misogyny is his treatment of Dr. Eva Carneiro who was the Chelsea first team doctor from 2009 until september 2015. During the first Game of the 15/16 season against Swansea Dr. Carneiro and chief physiotherapist Jon Fearn were called into the pitch by the referee to attend to Eden Hazard who had gone down. It was towards the end of the match and Chelsea had already had Courtois sent off and were therefore down to 9 men. Under the laws of the game, the medical staff is only allowed on the pitch if the referee summons them and once they have been summoned it's their duty to attend to the player. Mourinho took an issue with both of them rushing onto the field, because it left his team temporarily with 8 outfield players and so he allegedly called Dr. Carniero “filha da puta” which translates to “daughter of a bitch/whore”. He says he didn’t use the female version, but that he said “filho da puta”  and that “swearing is a part of football”. This then led to a lot of discourse about whether it was actually abusive language towards a woman or not. 

The more damning thing happened later in the press conference. 

“I wasn't happy with my medical staff because even if you are a medical doctor or secretary on the bench, you have to understand the game.If you go to the pitch to assist a player, then you must be sure that a player has a serious problem. I was sure that Eden didn't have a serious problem. He had a knock and was very tired.My medical department left me with eight fit outfield players in a counter attack after a set piece and we were worried we didn't have enough players left.”

“You have to understand the game”, especially when aimed at a woman already comes with enough negative and misogynistic connotations. And there was no lack of “understanding of the game” in this instance, it was their duty to attend to the player according to the rules. Maybe he should have had a word with Eden Hazard about not feigning injuries instead.

But this is not where this ends. Following this incidence, Fearn (a Man) was removed from first team matches and Dr. Carniero was removed from all first team duties such as training sessions, matches and even entering the team hotel. And as Duncan Castles, one of Josés mouthpieces in the british press then reported: 

Mourinho is said to have held reservations about Carneiro’s role within the first-team squad since at least last year. While there is no question about her professional abilities, the Portuguese coach was concerned that the dressing room dynamic was affected by the presence of a female. According to a source, some players had expressed misgivings to the coaching staff about the set-up, arguing that it forced them to alter their usual behavior in a team environment.  [x]

The same women that had worked with Chelsea's first team for 6 years and under 4 different managers just suddenly became a problem with Josés arrival. Maybe there were some players that complained about her, but José should have told them to get over it. Sadly, I can’t link you to the original source of these quotes because the website does not exist anymore but here are some more articles referring to the same quotes. [x] [x]

Her dismissal went to court and she and Chelsea ended up settling the case. 

This whole thing ties into the larger issue of misogyny in football, this is an interesting article about how 2/3 s of the women in football face sexist discrimination. [x]

Montse Benitez

Rafael Benitez’ wife Montse Benitez made a joke, in 2015, about Rafa cleaning up Josés messes because Rafa just got the Real Madrid Job and she said “we tidy up his messes”, but afterwards added that it was understandable because there are only so many top clubs out there. 

The first part of his response is very much ok:

“The lady is a bit confused, with all respect. The only club where her husband [directly] replaced me was at Inter Milan, where in six months he destroyed the best team in Europe at the time.”

The second part however wasn’t:

“And for her to think about me and to speak about me, I think she needs to occupy her time — and if she takes care of her husband’s diet, she will have less time to speak about me.”

He told her to get back into the kitchen and that is such a backwards thing to say to women.  [x]

Generally Women 

In 2013, whilst complaining about Arsenal players complaining to the officials he said

“ you know they like to cry” and then added “Football is for men, or for women with fantastic attitude.”

José mourinho used being a woman as an insult to emasculate Arsenal players. Which is incredibly sexist. 

His post match tirade also includes some lovely xenophobia for good measure, which is a bit hypocritical coming from José. (I want to remind all Spurs fans that there was massive outrage after the United match, when similar criticism was aimed at Lamela)

"You know, they like to cry," Mourinho said. "That's tradition. But I prefer to say, and I was telling it to the fourth official, that English people – Frank Lampard, for example – would never provoke a situation like that. "Players from other countries, especially some countries, have that in their blood. So, if there is contact or an opponent is aggressive, they don't keep going. But this is English football. Foreign players are bringing lots of good things. They come here because they are talented. But I prefer English blood in football. English blood in this situation is: 'Come on, let's go.' Mikel's tackle is hard and aggressive but football is for men or for women with fantastic attitude. It's true."

[x]

Generally problematic things he has said

Him calling Wenger a voyeur is not included but he did end up actually apologising for that. 

2006: "Sometimes you see beautiful people with no brains. Sometimes you have ugly people who are intelligent, like scientists," [x]

Me being a scientist probably makes me even more annoyed with this statement, but honestly can we get rid of this stupid idea.

 2005: “Ricardo Carvalho seems to have problems understanding things, maybe he should have an IQ test, or go to a mental hospital or something.” [x] 

Statements against him that he took to court

A journalist for spanish newspaper Marca wrote about José during his time at chelsea:

“the type of person who would flee after knocking someone down"

A letter from Mourinho's lawyers then read:

"In our eyes this phrase is... degrading and was used in a manner which was completely unnecessary in the critique."

Chelsea also took action against a former Barcelona director after he posted the following on twitter during a match against Manchester City.

"It's lamentable the psychopath celebrating goals as if he was a player." 

[x]

Which is utterly ironic when taking all the things he has said about others into account.

A lot of these quotes are older, but judging from his recent choice of words, the constant emasculation of his players also shown in a documentary meant to make him look good, he might not be saying these things publicly anymore but the subtext and undertones still remain, therefore not really making it look like he has learned from his past mistakes and has become a better person in the slightest. Also, these quotes are just the tip of the iceberg of what kind of a human being José Mourinho really is. He is an incredibly manipulative individual that chooses all of his words, especially those to the press, really carefully and if these quotes are things that he chose to say deliberately, then I’m worried about what other opinions he has that he does not voice to the public. But if someone treats him like he does others he has an issue with it.

He can be an interesting individual to watch and his amount of arrogance can be fairly entertaining, but his general lack of respect for his players and staff shouldn't be overlooked especially in a world which is trying to move towards the future. And a footballing world at least saying that they are trying to remove discrimination from the game. 

I don’t want him to be sacked, but I would really like to remind people of the kind of person he is and for him to acknowledge these statements and apologise for it. But because this is football and Agueros actions with the lines-woman were dismissed because he is “a good person” I doubt that that will ever happen. 

[angrycowboy]

So my original idea was to just tackle my thoughts on RNM’s portrayal of Michael Guerin’s bisexuality, which is something I have loved a lot. But then 2x06 aired, and we got some beautiful insight into Alex Manes, and I had to shift gears a bit to include that.

Because I know tensions regarding this episode are high, consider this a warning - I am going to talk about Michael and Alex, and a bit about the airstream scene in 2x06. And I am going to discuss how it has resonated with me in a positive way. But mostly, this is about how sexuality is complicated, and how amazing it is to see depictions on television that truly make me feel seen.

One of my favorite things about Michael Guerin, and about how RNM has chosen to portray his bisexuality, is that it’s not obvious. He doesn’t feel the need to talk about it, or discuss it - and in fact, only offers it up to Isobel in 1x10 as she’s questioning her own feelings in an effort to make her feel more comfortable. Later in 1x11, he snaps at Max because well, Max has just poked and prodded at him talk (and they’re stuck in the bunker together with nothing else to do). And someone who isn’t comfortable in who they are doesn’t say things like, “It’s not that complicated.” That is something firmly in the camp of yeah, this is who I am, what of it? Because make no mistake, it is incredibly important to me to hear characters like Michael Guerin self-identify on screen as bisexual.

Part of this portrayal can of course, also be attributed to Michael’s upbringing in the foster care system, where talking about himself was never encouraged or allowed. Because I don’t think, given how it is repeatedly reinforced that Michael shunned most aspects of humanity on Earth, that he was ever ashamed of his sexuality. Though I do believe that said upbringing did affect his own feelings of self-worth, and how he saw himself in the eyes of others.

Something I’ve seen mentioned a lot are two interactions we see on screen: between Alex & Maria in 1x10, and between Maria & Liz in 1x13, and the idea that there is “outing” of Michael. And while, I do understand and respect a lot of those arguments, especially regarding their importance regarding the LGBTQ community as a whole, something I don’t see discussed are people who don’t necessarily want to have a formal coming out, or who don’t feel the need to initiate those conversations regarding their sexuality. Even though yes, both Alex and Maria do technically out Michael (though neither do it with any malicious intent), I don't believe that Michael himself would care that other people know he is bisexual (his feelings for Alex are a different story entirely). And part of that may be that he doesn't believe anyone else thinks of him that much to even discuss him due to that upbringing he had, and also because the act of coming out would involve the feeling of being under a microscope (thanks for that wording, Riley), and Michael Guerin would definitely want to avoid that.

But back to my original point - at no point during Season 1 does Michael Guerin give the impression that he is ashamed of his sexuality - the lack of bringing it up first does not read that way to me. It reads more as Michael sees it simply as part of who he is, and that’s it. He can’t change it, and he’s already different (he’s a literal alien, ffs), so why worry about it. It very much reminds me of how I have viewed my own sexuality for years - it is simply just part of who I am. I have never felt the need to sit anyone down and announce my sexuality - in fact, I came out to my mother as I was walking out the door to go on a date. She asked what his name was, and I just replied what her name was.

But there seems to exist this idea within the LGBTQ community that every person needs to have a “coming out.” That we need to be completely in control of who knows, and how they find out, and when they find out, which is not something I agree with completely. Now, also know that I understand the importance of this idea to many, because of rampant homophobic attitudes that remain present within our society. But I see very few people discussing and supporting those of us who would rather not have to announce it in some grand way - because is this not also allowing someone to control their narrative? It has definitely made me wonder how different my own acceptance of my sexuality could have been had I believed that it wasn’t a requirement for me to come out to the people in my life (an idea which sends my anxiety into a tailspin, tbh).

Again, this is just my perspective regarding the overall portrayal of Michael’s bisexuality. It is not meant to act as a correct version, just sharing why I have particularly enjoyed what RNM has done.

But it was not Michael Guerin that made me want to write fanfic, and it was not Michael Guerin that truly made me love this show - it was in fact, Alex Manes. It was Alex Manes, who is confrontational, who is analytical, who needs facts first and who lives so much within his own head, that truly drew me into this show. Alex Manes who very clearly has struggled not with the fact that he is gay, but with that outward expression of his sexuality. In canon, this is very much due to the trauma of his childhood, to growing up in an abusive household that rejected everything about who he was as a person, and tried to force him into a box that was very much not who he is. And while I did not have that kind of upbringing, the idea of believing you won’t be accepted even among the people who should love you unconditionally is a universal feeling within the LGBTQ community. 

Alex’s talk with Maria in the truck is perhaps some of the most relatable queer representation I’ve ever seen. Because it dives into the different types of love and attraction and how not every touch between two people needs to be sexual in nature. And it lays out very plainly how important it is to have trust between people. But it’s also about recognizing what you do want, and accepting that for yourself. And that conversation is so important toward understanding what happens later on in the Airstream.

Because Alex, due to his upbringing, doesn’t believe that he is worthy of being loved in that way. When Maria comforts Michael over the realization that he could have lost both of them, Alex says he should go, not because he doesn’t want to be there. He says it because he feels like he shouldn’t be allowed to be there, to want to be there. Alex feels like an intrusion, even though he’s gone through the same horrifying ordeal and he’s with two people he loves and feels safe around. Maria recognizes that immediately, and moves back to Alex in order to give him the safety he needs as well. Maria is acting in regards to both of the boys love languages - Alex needs that physical touch of reassurance (kissing him), Michael needs to hear it verbally (”it’s okay”). And furthermore, they all need each other in that moment (”I just want us all safe”).

But it is specifically Alex’s speech in the truck earlier, about touch and self-acceptance that has me sobbing every time I watch it. Because even though I got my first crush on a girl as a teenager, it wasn’t until years later that I actually allowed myself to act on that. It was only years later that I learned just how different my attraction toward men and women really was, that I enjoyed different things for different reasons from the different sexes and that was okay. So that speech has just really resonated with me as a bisexual woman who struggled for years with acceptance of her sexuality, of being able to act on it, and it makes me incredibly happy to see a television show (A CW SHOW ABOUT COWBOY ALIENS OK) conquering these things in such a relatable way.

All of this ended up making me go back to something Chasing wrote last year about Michael’s bisexuality, and the portrayal we’re seeing, and something she said in her meta: “No one is harder on queer representation and queer media than queer people - and I get it. We’ve had so much bad representation and we’re sick of it and that’s understandable. But it’s turned into this thing where every slice of representation has to be Perfect or it’s Garbage, and it’s leading creators to not want to try because they’re so harshly run off every time they do. And when they don’t try, they don’t learn, and when they don’t learn, they don’t do better.” So maybe the rep isn’t perfect, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a valiant effort being made to reach out to an underrepresented community. And for me personally, the depiction doesn’t have to be perfect, because people aren’t perfect, and sexuality isn’t one size fits all. What may make one person feel seen and understood, another may not see themselves represented at all - but that’s okay. Because with more representation in media, comes different tellings and stories, and comes different ways people can relate because the queer community is not a monolith. We all look at things through different lenses and experiences, but it becomes hurtful when those who don’t see themselves represented in a specific piece of media start telling those who do that they are wrong. And I wish more people would take that into consideration during discussions and criticisms.

Finally, I want to end with this gif, because woo boy. This face and that look. I know that look. I have made that look. This look is so goddamn recognizable and familiar. Because there’s also something about knowing you’re watching an actor who has probably also gone through a lot of these same feelings the character is expressing, that it just comes through in their performance and makes it all the more relatable and real (and especially how even the script itself makes it obvious it was written by people in the queer community).

[dominiqueprovostchalkleynews]

Out Is The New In

I think it’s fair to say that we are often scared to shine.

And when I say shine, all I really mean is the state we find ourselves in when we are truly happy.

When we’re happy, we shine.

At the ripe old age of 30, I have come to realize that the “journey to happiness” is in fact a lifelong balancing act. There is no perfect final destination, but a series of wonderful milestones we collect along the way.

For me, these milestones appear when I take the time to observe what does and does not bring me happiness, and then have the courage to make changes in my life to align that which isn’t working.

It takes a great deal of introspection, whilst staying open to evolution and change. I have to periodically check in with my values, my morals, my passions, my creativity and ultimately make sure that I’m living in alignment with my true authentic self.

It certainly isn’t a walk in the park…

But when I’ve had the fortune of meeting others who live from that place, I find they sparkle so very bright – like these shining stars, illuminating the way to a better, happier place and I’m drawn to join them.

I feel we’ve created a world that doesn’t encourage us to explore who we are; to experiment, look inwards, work out what shoes fit, and then express freely.

We have created a world that tells us we should be a certain way; that we must fit into categories and live under labels.

It seems to me that we live in judgement, in fear of judgement, from the collective mentality derived from the controlled and repressed systems we’ve created for ourselves.

It doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense, and yet we’re stuck in these backwards ways that no longer serve us.

Much of this “conventional wisdom” is revealing its cracks.

We are starting to wake up and see the truth.

We’ve been taught that having more stuff will make us happy.

That the climate crisis is less important than the economy.

That gaining likes on social platforms gives us value.

That money is power – creating a brutal hierarchy to humanity.

And that we are everything but equals.

That we are anything but ONE.

The world also teaches us that fluidity in gender and sexuality is in some way wrong.

As a queer woman that is a really heartbreaking and confusing “truth” to get my head around.

As soon as I became sexually aware, I was attracted to all shapes and genders.

But unfortunately, before long it became clear to me that my sexuality was viewed in a very complex and largely negative light.

I should add – I’m incredibly fortunate to come from two open-minded households, but nonetheless, the word on the street (and the world as a whole) clearly viewed this aspect of me as “different”.

That scared me.

I did NOT want to be different.

Because being different got judged, and standing out for being different, to me, was absolutely something to be feared.

So I suppressed it.

Wanting to be liked outweighed wanting to be being me.

Having no representation of bisexuality or pansexuality, I feared I must be gay.

I was attracted to girls… but I also liked boys?!

Well, confusion is an understatement – and confusion brought me right up into my head – to a voice that wasn’t always kind to me.

So I just focussed really hard on the “boy part”, hoping that the “other part of me” would eventually go away.

Imagine if we lived in a world where everything was accepted and met with love.

Even the hardest of things met with compassion.

Perhaps I wouldn’t have been scared to say, “I like girls, but I also like boys. Huh!? Is that different from you?”

Perhaps we’d use our differences to bring us closer, rather than separating and isolating us, and I wouldn’t have been scared to be me.

As I grew older, the fear of being me also grew.

I left the nest at 16 years old, having no idea who I was, and moved swiftly into an industry that I found to be particularly toxic for developing self-worth.

Naturally, I became more and more affected by these collective world views and though they didn’t make sense to me, I thought it would be best to just shut out my little queer voice, for in some ways it seemed easier.

But it wasn’t easy.

Hiding such an integral part of who you are causes incredible anxiety and fear.

Though I did a damn good job of masking my confusion to the world, over time it ate away at me through countless doubts and insecurities.

Then, cut to 2015 – Oh universe, you magically aligned, sneaky old bugger you!

I was propelled into a job that made me face my greatest fears.

Emily Andras took a chance on me and cast me as the beautifully positive bisexual representation that is Miss Waverly Earp.

Through this incredible, enlightening journey of playing a queer character and meeting the fans that are drawn to her, I guess I’ve reevaluated how I am to face this part of me.

Hanging out with the community over the past few years allowed me to see, time and time again, people achieving mini milestones and stepping into their light.

It has made me more certain than ever that I also have to at least try being brave and hopefully contribute to the positive ripple effect that is caused when we step up and live authentically.

All of these moments help change the way our world views sexuality.

For I believe we are each mini representations of the choices we make.

Simply put, I don’t want to be part of a world where we can’t be colourful.

Where we can’t shine bright and where we can’t love who we love, freely and confidently.

Though this is one of the scariest things life has challenged me with so far, I know now that by slowly speaking my truth and living in alignment with my morals and values, I will be happier.

And I will likely shine brighter.

Because being queer is a fucking colourful and magical journey and because I am happiest when I am my AUTHENTIC QUEER SELF.

And that’s okay.

In fact, it’s actually beautiful.

I truly believe from the bottom of my heart that the force of love can move mountains.

So without judging and perpetuating the problem, I meet those who think same-sex couples are in someway wrong with as much love and compassion as I am capable of mustering up.

We are in a system that tells us lies, developed over years, creating patterns that are challenging to break.

But nonetheless, I encourage you to take a second and really examine why you think the way you do.

You have an opportunity to do things differently.

And then, if this still doesn’t give you pause and nothing changes, I ask you to please at least leave others to choose the way they would like to live.

Each and every one of us should be allowed to work out what shoes fit, without unnecessary restrictions that no longer serve us.

It is a fundamental human right to be able to live life with love.

For Love is Life.

In this lifetime I choose to represent this incredible community and stand up for the things that I love.

I am one of the fortunate ones that can, hopefully without too many repercussions, which is sadly not true for everyone.

So I find the strength within myself to pave the way for others – as many have done before me.

And as I thank those who evolved humanity and got us where we are today, I take the baton and run forward fearlessly.

My ultimate wish is for all of us to be able to love freely, honestly, and boundlessly.

In a world that embraces our colours.

I guess in some way this is a call to all queer rainbows out there.

By coming together in pure abundant love, we can gently guide those who are not yet awakened to a healthier, happier, and safer way for all.

So, here goes…

I am queer.

I am into ALL humans.

I guess maybe I am just really into love?

Who knows?

But finally…

I am OUT.

#OutIsTheNewIn

[geekkatsblog]

Grey's Anatomy 😭16x 19 review

(I am not ok)

This episode did not feel like Grey's, but it was amazing nevertheless.

Let's begin with the most shocking part with this whole episode.

___________________________________________

Richard

Never in the history of any show that I have been obsessed with, have I been so hurt over a character. It literally made my eyes water when Richard was on stage giving his presentation and forgot Maggie.

From the beginning I was skeptical because besides the proposal, Catherine was never the first one to end a fight, but Webber was so happy that I just went along with it. I was so happy that he was able to have a moment of peace before his presentation. I should have known better than to get to comfortable because he was HALLUCINATING. From there my heart was in my hand but I got so upset when he was giving his presentation and started babbling nonsense. I hurt even more when he couldn't recognize Maggie and Dr Haynes.

Then there's the fact that it happened in front of so many people, I don't think he's going to be able to do surgery after this either. I actually don't think I can handle him leaving. He's like the founding father of Grey Sloan, he was and always will be the chief for me, so to think of him leaving or even him in this position triggers my anxiety.

I really hope that what ever is causing the problem isn't too late to be fixed. I'm sort of upset with Catherine I feel like maybe a piece of it is her fault if she hadn't been so stubborn and overly petty, making him feel hopelessness in her and everyone else Richard would have probably confided in someone and gotten the problem checked earlier.

___________________________________________

Teddy Altman

(The second shocker.)

She's bisexual and while there's nothing wrong with that but I wished they had explored that side of her more in the earlier seasons because it seemed to come out of no where. Teddy has never once shown attraction to any other woman and has only dated men, unless if they're going with after her true love died she just swore off all other women because no one could replace her or if she was the only woman Teddy ever loved. Either way it just came out of no where.

(Honestly Teddy should stay away from social gatherings because she always gets into drama at them lol)

The women who Teddy slept with girlfriend was pissed at Teddy and for good reason. To know that you were in love with some one and the last person that they wanted to talk to before they died was your roommate and the person they were cheating on you with. It has to hurt.

Then theres the fact that she has cheated on more than one person, now I don't know but that seems like if she has a problem now. Then when she said it's okay to be in love with 2 people at once I was confused where is she going with this? (Some one check the walls at Grey Sloan hospital because some thing is causing personality changes in the doctors.) Has she decided to continue the affair that's not fair to Owen or Tom. Both of them are going to hurt but it'll hurt even worst when she has to choose, unless if they're going to gave one big happy 3 parent family. They need to do something with Teddy now because they're making her do a complete 180 and I honestly can't tell where they're going with their love triangle story line.

___________________________________________

Maggie

All I had to say for her all night was go get it hun. Her relationship with her new love interest was like the romantic comedies like he kept referencing the whole time. They clicked well and have mor chemistry than some of the couples on Grey's ever had.

He embraced her nerdiness, he even seems like one himself as well, he seems kind and loving as well as under standing. But as cute as it was and as cute as they are I feel like it was a little premature to just pick up and move to another location for something that isn't sure, maybe it's just me, they may have the love in one night thing who knows? (Not me, because with this episode they snatched my wig and threw it to another planet.)

We'll see if he's worthy, and how serious he is about her. Because there's no way Maggie's leaving Richard now and with him sick she won't even think about dating so here's were we'll see what this guy is about.

And finally they're doing something with her character besides cheerleading and whining. That was one of the only happy things in the episode.

__________________________________________

Haynes/Mcwidow (forgot his first name.)

His story was another one of the emotional ones. Loved the way he met his wife and there was nothing more satisfying than when he got pissed at the Representative and told him off. He was pushing the treatment at him that killed is wife as well as using the way he meat his wife. (By giving out pens) the dude was bound to snap.

He's a good father and seeing that he's still following his wife's advice on raising their boys shows how much he loved her. He had the love of his life the perfect family and lost his wife to cancer.

They really gave his back story early, but I'm glad. It gave him something else to do besides randomly getting excuses to talk to Meredith. He is a character on his own as well. It was good to see him out of the, potential date Meredith circle.

___________________________________________Questions/ Notes

• The most important and only one that matters. IS RICHARD GOING TO BE OK?

• Will he live or die?

• Is Teddy finally going to do something about her Tom /Owen love triangle.

• Is Maggie's potential love interest a trustworthy one?

• What's Catherine going to do to help Richard.

Next week's episode has the potential to break me and I hope it doesn't. I'll still watch the show because I have a very annoying sense of loyalty for fandoms but without Richard the show will feel like a big chunk is missing. He is the only constant good character in this show.

[gascon-en-exil]

what do you think it is about edelgard that's got people so in love with her? i'm seeing a lot of things like "she sacrificed so much to help other people" but i don't really feel like she did that. her goals weren't to help other people, and i don't get the impression that she sacrificed a lot, she seemed really sheltered from the destruction she was causing. i think CF ignoring that she was the flame emperor, her demonic beasts, etc in favor of player pandering is part of it too

Multiple factors I think, and this isn’t to say that all fans of Edelgard love her for all of these reasons - only to represent the range of her appeal:

Pre-release marketing centered her as the main character, and the game itself does this by its vocal track and recurring melody being hers and her prominence in routes other than her own.

She’s an attractive bisexual woman, with her bisexuality primarily expressed through her attraction to you, the player, through Byleth, and focused on in the story not seen with any other Byleth romance.

She’s a female character who exerts more agency over the plot of Three Houses than any other of the leads, regardless of route. If you don’t think too hard about how much she depends on a handful of male subordinates to accomplish everything she does, this makes her come off as a strong and well-developed female character.

The above two combine to create a character with a mixture of variously appealing masculine and feminine traits. Superficially, she’s a pretty young woman who’ll murder you with a giant axe; more in-depth, she’s a cold and distant conqueror who’s afraid of rats and acts like a teenager with a crush around Byleth.

Her real motivations are obscured under something like three layers of misdirection, so it’s easy to focus on her traumatic backstory and find her sympathetic. As you said, the game’s writing goes out of its way to ignore many of her actions and make her struggle come off as more than it actually is. There are also ways to talk around her imperialistic and genocidal goals, ex. several other FE lords unite their respective continents (including Dimitri and Claude), and most FEs have you killing dragons with only occasional questioning of the ethics involved. As for the church, large churches are pretty much always evil in JRPGs but then so are empires.

Speaking of which, fans who’ve had bad experiences with organized religion and Christianity in particular (and Catholicism even more in particular) gravitate toward Edelgard because her experience and worldview on that point is something they can relate to.

Her politics are just vague enough to project almost anything you like onto her vision of the future. On a surface level leftist interpretations of Edelgard would seem to align with her overall presentation, with her opposition to an organized religion and supposed plan to dismantle the nobility. See also that it’s a bisexual woman in this position - and one of her major opponents is a “straight” man.

The WoW-esque faction conflict element of FE16 encourages fans to pick sides with the characters and houses they favor. Claude is almost universally liked and not often criticized and Byleth is a non-entity so this all falls into Edelgard vs. Dimitri and Rhea. Probably because she’s the main antagonist, Edelgard fans seem to stick together as a group much more so than her critics who fall all over the place re: which characters they favor instead of her. The length of the game also comes into play, as people who aren’t willing or able to play all four routes (especially when around 1/2 to 2/3 of each is almost the same) will come away with the biases from the route(s) they do play. If you only play CF and take everything Edelgard says at face value it’s very easy to find hers the most sympathetic and likeable position.

Because dunking on Fates is in vogue at the moment, Edelgard likely gets compared favorably to the major characters from that game. I’ve seen comparisons to fellow controversial fave with questionable motives Xander, and ones to Camilla for the different ways in which they approach sexual fanservice probably exist too.

Relatedly, Game of Thrones did end only a few months before Three Houses came out and everyone in that fandom hated what the last season did to Daenerys. There’s several points of comparison between Dany and Edelgard, so in the Western fandom at least it wouldn’t surprise if some angry GoT fans jumped at the chance to stan a similar character who, depending on your opinion, either fares much better than Dany or got screwed over by her writing just as badly.

Meanwhile the extreme levels of defensiveness and attempts to downplay her more evil acts and those of her allies (even Hubert, somehow) reflect a broader trend in online fandom, connected with anti and purity culture, that has great difficulty with the idea that people can like villains - and, on a related note, that criticism of fictional characters identifying them as evil/villainous always constitutes hate and must be refuted with the assertion that they did nothing wrong.

Anyone else can feel free to add more, but from what I can see that about covers all the reasons that Edelgard has the fans that she does.