#i fell in love with a girl and then he transed and now i love my man

[wis-art]

i thought lesbians would think I'm an imposter or something because i have a boyfriend and i dont exactly look like a girl most of the time, turns out they love me and support me and what i do and appreciate my art.

[0w0tsuki]

Hey can we stop pretending like the only feasible reason that a trans woman would not like the term femboy is because she's some puritan anti-kinkster or somehow against men being able to dress femininely?

Like perhaps maybe the group of people who had to go through a phase of having to figure out and explore their femininity while being perceived by society as a man DON'T WANT to police the way men are able to present and express their genders? Like maybe WE DON'T want to make things even harder for transfem eggs. Like maybe we might have an interest in protecting transfem eggs and are speaking from the harm that we experienced as eggs ourselves?

Like maybe it might have to do with the fact that outside of Tumblr your average femboy is a trap fetishist? Like did we all forget the memes of "trying to figure out if the Astofolo icon is a trans woman or a fascist?"

Like some of us were discovering our transness during puberty in the early 2000s. You remember the early 2000s right? Where South Park and Family were at the height of their cultural influence, the R slur was a substitute for stupid, and bigotry was so common that "traps are gay" jokes could be made in polite company without having to worry about backlash. So imagine what kink spaces were like. Especially when you're a teenage trans girl just discovering herself.

I personally was so damaged by that experience that I began to believe that my gender-no my EXISTENCE was a fetish to be embarrassed and humiliated by and to be reviled for. I genuinely did not engage in relationships because I believed I was going to have to give in and tell them that they fell in love with a sex object. I did not believe that I was worthy of love. And it took YEARS of working through that for me to be comfortable with transitioning.

And after I worked through that I still have to deal with them. They haven't left kink communities they had their roots in. To this day there's a kink website I frequent that has community suggestions for tags IE: Unless the OP of the work goes back to delete this feature, anyone can "recommend" deletions or additions to the tags of the work. This is in place to make the proper labeling/searching/blacklisting of kinks easier to help curate content. In practice though it allows transmisoginists to basically graffiti any transfem artwork they come across. And let me tell you Femboy tags are getting added on right after they replace F/F with M/M on a transbians t4t work. And it happens so frequently that I have to check in about once a month to these trans tags to inform the most recent victim about what's happened to their works.

And outside of kink spaces I go into fandom spaces where I have had to deal with trap fetishists positioning themselves as fucking lore scholars when they harass trans positive folks about the Correct and Moral gender of the transmisoginistic character that they've got a fap folder dedicated. I got to see someone rise to twitch fame off the back of trap content turn into a “femboy icon” because he gave some of the trap money to trans charities and has a trans girlfriend. Who is still making trap content by the way.I've gotten to see reddit lose their absolute goddamn minds when the term Trap was banned from r/anime, shitting themselves so hard about it that they made their own separate website with transmisogynistic wojaks on the home page and everything. And then I got to see the fucking Bridget Debacle.

The reason I always talk about Bridgets trans confirmation is that it's the most widely recognized recent event where the exact shit I'm talking about was on full display. The reason why her being confirmed as a trans woman was such a big deal for trans girls was not just because she was one of the anime caricatures with her own folder in the trap enthusiasts masterbation portfolio. It was because she was GROUND ZERO for original coining of the word trap. And the EXACT same guys who deemed her a trap were now coming out in DROVES fuck EN MASS. But this time as self appointed femboys. We had so many examples of fucking Astofolo icon twitter facists trying to drudge up any type of left sounding argument using the femboy identity after having their initial arguments revolving around mistranslation were debunked. Crying that transfems were “stealing femboy representation” and trying to say that it was an “antitransmasculization force feminization trope” ironically. You know the cry of “Let men be feminine!!!!” y'all always bring out in defense of femboys. THAT'S who you're parroting! THAT'S who you got it from! We have had direct evidence of former trap fetishists dawning the term femboy when it became less cool to be openly transmisogynistic and then started appropriating leftist language to give their transmisogynistic arguments an air of legitimacy.

Like y'all need to understand that this magical space we got here is a FUCKING BUBBLE. Femboy communities in literally every other online space are former trap/sissy communities and are fucking cess pits of transmisoginy. I have seen posts by people who's only experience being around femboys was on Tumblr go out and check a place like r/mildfemboys to be horrified by the obsessiveness of the transmisogyny the femboys they interact with. And the femboys here aren't much better by treating being forced to acknowledge that these people exist and that is a still very active part of their community even if they don't personally interact with it as a personal attack on them and their gender presentation.

Y'all just want to pretend it doesn't exist and treat the idea that a Transfem might not WANT to interact with YOU(OH GOSH!!) because of it like it's some sort of personal judgement instead of something you're just going to have to accept happens when there's a large portion of people who share that title who are responsible for traumatizing them. But y'all got to go one step further. Y'all who go on about how femboys are our closest allies and about how “femboys and transfems are actually closer than transfems want to admit”. Y'all treat femboys like they're out little fucking brother in the queer community and it's our personal fucking responsibility to leave behind any personal baggage at the door in order to make them feel welcome.

Y'all can't handle the fucking idea that a trans woman might not be comfortable with sharing community with someone who's average member would call her a trap while jacking off to her selfies if he thought he could get away with it. That's she's not interested in playing the Astofolo icon game with them. Y'all gotta create a backwards narratives where she is against her own interests, where she is for making it harder for eggs in the future instead of you know. Asking for better from the communities those eggs are drawn too.

I have been forced to fucking put up with femboys in nearly every online space I've ever been in. And I

Am sick and fucking tired

Of putting up with femboys

[canonically47]

my queer hcs for 2023 TDI reboot characters <3

hello all! after watching all the way through to episode four of the second season, i realized my old hcs kind of contradict canon, and they've changed drastically based on that.

here are my new and updated headcanons, how much of them is canon, and why i hc them this way!

headcanons:

bowie: gay (canon), cisgender, he/him

raj: gay (canon), transgender ftm, he/him

wayne: aroace, cisgender, he/him

caleb: straight, cisgender, he/him

zee: panromantic demiaroace, non-binary, they/them

ripper: straight, cisgender, he/him

chase: straight, cisgender, he/him

damien: biromantic demisexual, transgender ftm, he/him

scary girl: aroace, agender, it/she (it/itself preference)

julia: lesbian, cisgender, she/her

MK: lesbian, non-binary, they/she (they/them preference)

axel: bisexual, transgender mtf, she/her

nichelle: lesbian, transgender mtf, she/her

priya: bisexual, cisgender, she/her

millie: unlabelled, cisgender, she/her

emma: aromantic sapphic, cisgender, she/her

details such as reasonings, closeness to canon etc.:

bowie: canonically gay. there's not much to say about him. i don't see a bit of transness in him, but he is definitely a strong ally.

raj: canonicaly gay. also not much to say; i just think he's... a bit cooler than gender.

wayne: he's just like me fr!! well the aromantic part but! he is so much like me!!!

caleb: funnily enough, i hced him as gay before this season. now i have changed my ways; i'm actually rooting for him and priya to get together. look at that dynamic!

zee: zee is beyond gender and sexuality. they like everyone, but they only feel attracted to people sexually and romantically when they know them on a deeper level. i also am debating whether or not i like them and damien together atm, so that's cool :3

ripper: my man! his romance with axel this season is great so far, and i cannot for the life of me believe i am saying this. he's such a guy, and has proven himself better this season. just look at he!

chase: yeah fuck this guy that's all

damien: similarly to zee, sexual attraction only comes to my man if he knows the person. i feel like this is pretty in-character. i also hc him as biromantic, but he probably fears romantic interactions equally for each gender, for which he's questioned his sexuality multiple times and thought he might even be aromantic. i feel like this hc also appeals to both priyamien and dwayne shippers so you're welcome /hj

scary girl: it just is this way you're welcome

julia: look at her dynamic with MK. and then get back to me if you can't see it. /j

MK: same as above! i love mkulia <3

axel: heLLOOO have you LOOKED at her. she is bisexual but a DISASTER bisexual at that!!! i hc that before realizing her feelings for ripper she was helplessly in love with nichelle and just gazed at her from afar like... oh my god pretty girlfailure... must kiss... which is kinda the reason she fell for ripper too, SHE LIKES HER MEN, WOMEN AND ANYTHING BEYOND DUMB AS A ROCK!!!

nichelle: not much to say just. her!

priya: even before this season i could not for the life of me ship her with anyone, i settled for just heterosexual, but NOW i can see why. NOW... there's caleb. and i like where their relationship is going. seeing both caleb and priya so in love is hilarious and adorable. i still think she would be good with a girl, maybe not necessarrily one on the cast but. A girl

millie: she is so?? confused?? what the fuck is going on?????? like she likes people but also. not?? is that a thing????? what????????????

emma: she's just like me fr. she thought she wanted a man that treats her right GIRL NO! she doesn't want a man PERIOD!

and finally, pairings:

bowie x raj. do i need to add anything?

zee x damien. hear me out.

zee x emma but like... not romantically, not platonically, but a secret third thing

mk x julia. MKULIAERS WHERE YALL AT!!!

ripper x axel. i fucking adore them.

caleb x priya. the slowburn can and will be so real with these two.

[evergreen-femme]

diarypost bc im too high to think abt anything else now

ok so. i fell in love with everyone i hooked up with back then. except the tgirls. they felt a little bit too real to even fully acknowledge. like i was so flimsy and fake and unreal that i couldn't even touch them without noticing my unrealness. i was deep deep deep in the closet. i wasn't a good guy. my boy costume was an ironic video game 4chan memer and not even a good one lmao. but he was also angry as fuck inside. he was a bad person tbh and im glad he's gone (said as i acknowledge and accept responsibility for the harm i did on other people back then).

but fuck. how am i supposed to continue like this? waking up from what feels like it had to be a fucking coma and im suddenly in my early 30s. i lost my whole fucking childhood and didn't know why. i could never figure any of my transness out until i stopped going to fucking 4chan for one. but there was so much. a girl mistaking me as a woman from behind in the food lion in 2016 and my heart fucking soaring. but i still couldn't acknowledge it or even think about it the boy disguise had become malignant. rotted over the core of me and completely obliterated my consciousness.

how do i wake up NOW and it feels like its already too late for everything i ever wanted? i mean i guess that would be a fitting punishment for how i was as a boy¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[sohin-ace]

Doppio - Frog Princess

Fairy tale AU and lots of love for my small man.

Doppio dragged his feet across the garden, restless and desperate. He sighed and whined to himself, taking the opportunity of being all alone to voice his pain and concerns, something he was never allowed to do.

"Aww jeez... This prince life isn't made for me..."

He huffed again and tugged at his very uncomfortable, gold adorned collar that was almost suffocating him.

Doppio looked around him, sure enough, the tall trees surrounding him did a great job at hiding him from the potential workers on the castle grounds that could possibly be looking for him.

He could finally have a little moment for himself and sneak out, maybe to cry to himself a little bit.

"O-ow... That still hurts..." The boy whined and rubbed on his bruised fingers, the results of angry professors punishing him for each mistakes he made. "I'm no good, I can't do anything right..."

That's right. Prince Doppio was a clumsy and anxious boy who lacked capacity in every domain. He always tried his best and obeyed every and each order, he wasn't undisciplined, oh no, young Doppio was a good boy.

He was just bad. He hardly managed to keep the required straight stance for more than ten seconds, was better at petting the horses than at riding them, couldn't follow etiquette at all, or protocol, was extremely forgetful and sadly, mother nature did not grace him with the strongest physical traits a young man his age was expected to have.

"Tch... Trish was so popular everyone courted her and she was so easy to marry, but me... No one would want to marry a good-for-nothing like me..."

He angrily kicked some rock and held his back that cracked at the movement, in pain, squeezing his eyes shut and sobbing at the sore feeling. That last lesson of fencing went so terribly wrong, how did the others do it?

"I'm so tired... Why meee...?"

"Ribbit!"

"Huh?" Doppio was startled at the very sudden but intriguing croaky sound and approached its direction near the pond.

He couldn't see anything at first, but then a tiny little creature jumped out of its hiding place. Doppio's honey eyes widened and he quickly wiped his warm tears, crouching down towards the animal.

"A frog!" He exclaimed happily, almost like a small child, new to the world. "Hi! You're so tiny, what's your name?"

"Ribbit!"

He knew very well the animal couldn't respond to him with actual words, but just the feeling of having even a one-sided conversation soothed a bit of his loneliness down. He cupped his hands together to invite the frog in, and the animal obliged by jumping on them.

He looked down and observed the chubby little creature. It had the cutest, roundest eyes, almost sparkly in the dim forest light, its green color was so bright and homogenous, there weren't any marks or patterns that frogs usually had on their skin. Even its limbs were tiny and soft, Doppio couldn't help but pet it with one careful and shaky finger.

"O-ooh! Oh my god!" He squealed uncontrollably. "You're so squishy!"

"Ribbit ribbit!"

The quiet and high-pitched croak felt so pleasant to his ears, it meddled with the sound of the water next to him and made him feel so much at peace. He loved to hear that cute sound and how the frog's belly puffed up like a balloon with each croak.

"What are you? A boy or a girl? I'd say you're a girl because you're super pretty and have a tiny voice."

"Ribbit Ribbit! Ribbit Ribbit!"

Doppio gasped loudly. "D-did I get it right?! Oohh yes!! That's so cool! Well... Not like I would have minded if you were a boy... Or both... Wait, do frogs have genders? Oh it doesn't matter."

The young prince felt like this frog was currently the only thing keeping him sane. He had no one else to talk to, there was no one who actually cared for his own well-being and he had no friends.

The only real person to actually show him some kind of recognition and love was none other than the King Diavolo himself. But even his sweet words and affection seemed somewhat back-handed and laced with pressure and severity.

"You know, you're lucky, little thing..." Doppio started with melancholy. "You don't have to worry so much about your life... I'm bad at everything and I'm all alone... I don't know what to do..."

"Ri-rib, ribbit!"

"Even if a nice princess wanted to marry me, I would turn her down because she would deserve better... Sometimes I wish I could disappear..."

"Ribb-ribbit!"

Doppio's eyes softened on the small frog. That's how sad and pathetic he was. Talking his problems out with a frog.

"Why do I feel like you actually understand me...? Thank you for listening to me and being my only friend."

Without even thinking, he lifted the small frog and brought it towards his face, giving it the tiniest of pecks. He smiled at how weird the feeling was, the animal was cold and slightly humid, a bit sticky too which he did not mind surprisingly.

He sighed and looked up mindlessly before his eyes were suddenly striked by a blinding flash of light.

"Wh-what the hell?!"

The light flashed brighter and brighter, coming from the frog in his hands. What was going on?

Doppio could only drop the creature and shield his eyes with his arms desperately as the frog sparkled like a thousand fireflies and grew in size.

The boy squinted his eyes shut and fell back right onto his butt before he felt a strong weight pressing on him, the mass eventually pinning him down onto the ground.

"U-uughh..." He groaned and rubbed his head, a sharp headache from the harsh light hitting his sensitive eyes still slowly fading.

He looked down only for his eyes to widen like saucers. He couldn't believe what he was currently witnessing and thought that maybe he went blind from the flash and was hallucinating right now.

The weight on top of him revealed to be the figure of a girl laying unconscious. He couldn't see her face buried in his chest, but he could make out her beautiful hair, smooth skin tone and the very frilly green dress she was wearing.

And that wasn't just any dress either, the golden ornaments, the tulle, the silk, the lace, the satin... That was an expensive dress, was she...could she be... A nobleswoman? A baroness? A...

...A princess?

"A-aah..." The girl moaned quietly before pushing herself up, not without struggle and Doppio gasped.

"A-are you okay signori-..." The boy could barely finish his sentence and only mumbled open-mouthed nonsense.

He was beyond mesmerized at the beauty who had just ever-so-slowly lifted her face up to look at him. Her shining wide eyes, her innocent glossy lips, her rose dusted cheeks and her hair framing her perfect face made him believe he just stumbled into some sort of forest Goddess.

"Ah-I... U-uuhm.. Y-you...uh.. W-ah-...eh... I-I'm..." He stammered awkwardly, his brain melting like ice in summer as his face and ears burned a crimson red, his breath catching in his now dry throat.

"Ah! My stars!" The girl gasped as she hovered over the immensely flustered prince. "I am so sorry! I must be crushing you!"

The young girl fretted anxiously before trying to scramble over on her knees and straighten herself up to give the poor man some much needed space, but as soon as she did, she was hit with a wave of dizziness and lost balance again. Doppio was quick to sit up and catch her against his chest, wrapping careful arms around her.

"A-are you okay, miss? What happened to you? What's going on?" The boy asked worriedly, regaining his composure slowly.

"Ah y-yes... It's just... It's been so long since I've been glamoured..."

"You've been... Glamoured?" Doppio couldn't be more confused than this, but the girl explained further as she leaned back slightly.

Her name was Y/N L/N, daughter of the King L/N. Many years ago, she had been the victim of a curse cast by the one and only sorcerer Dio, who was overcome by fury and rage against anyone affiliated with the Joestar Empire, or those who refused to become one of his pets, casting spells after spells, and curses after curses.

"He turned me into a frog and swore to me that nobody would ever come to save me from my demise... But you..." Y/N looked up at Doppio's honey eyes and couldn't help the tears pooling at her eyes.

She was free, at last.

"I was all alone... And you came here... My savior..."

Her soft voice cracked with thick emotions and she stared into Doppio's golden eyes with soft ones, her vision blurred by warm tears. Doppio gasped lightly, moved by her story and she shyly wiped her tears.

"A-ah, forgive me! How shameful of me, to weep in front of a prince like this... I'm just.. So..."

"No, princess, don't apologize." He gently held her wrists to pull them away from her timid face. "You have the right to be overwhelmed... Nobody's here, besides... I cried too, earlier, in front of you. Nothing wrong with showing your emotions."

She sighed dreamily at his gentle words and soft touches, the now more confident boy stirring her heart. "What is your name, my prince?"

"Doppio." He gulped, stiff as a rock at her saccharine gaze and tone. "Doppio Vinegar."

"You're a good person, Doppio..." She breathed out, her words dripping with warm sincerity. Doppio's heart could only skip beats at each and every one of her actions.

The boy may be clumsy and bashful, he surely wasn't dense. He well knew he was deeply falling in love with this frog princess, but something in him told him she may not be completely disinterested in him either, despite his overall appearance and personality.

But maybe, just maybe, it was because she didn't know him enough. She didn't know this extent of his foolishness, how worthless of a man he truly was. This was the perfect opportunity for her to just push him away and run back home, only to never see him again.

But against all he could have ever expected, he was completely shaken out of his low self-esteem filled transe when he felt her leaning her delicate hands and head against his chest, closing her eyes and relishing in his warm hold still on her.

"Prince Doppio... I feel so safe when I'm in your arms... I'll forever be grateful for granting me my deepest wish..." She lifted her head just enough to look at his blushing freckled face, his mouth agape. "How could I ever reward you?"

Was she... Really serious? Nobody has ever told him they felt good around him. Nobody has ever felt safe around the small and skinny man that was Doppio. Could he be strong enough for her?

Well one thing was positive, he didn't want to let her go, and if he had to eat razor blades to protect her, he would do it without batting an eye.

She actually wanted to, or at least seemed to, stay with him. She felt grateful, for him, of all people!

He hoped she wouldn't hear his heart go feral in his chest. She would do... Anything for him? Could he be selfish? Could he ask the inimaginable? Would she say yes? He wouldn't force her but... He would love to think about himself only, just this once in his life.

He had nothing to lose.

He gently grabbed both her hands in his surprisingly big ones, squeezing gently and rubbing his thumbs over her soft skin, as if to want to imprint his love onto her.

"Ma-... Marry me, Princess Y/N!" He confessed with loud yet clear determination. "Please, be mine! I will cherish you like my most prized treasure, you will never be alone and feel unsafe again! I promise my entire life to you, please promise me yours!"

She widened her eyes at his sudden assertiveness and his strong, meaningful words. The pink boy in front of her shook her heart in so many ways, and she had already lost everything to Dio in the past. She had absolutely no reason to deny, now did she?

The girl smiled bright and slowly pulled her hands out of his grasp, only to immediately wrap her arms around her hero's neck, nuzzling her face against him lovingly.

"Yes! I accept... my sweet Doppio."

[kiegosbby]

Hawks falling in love with someone who everyone assumes is quirkless but actually has an absolutely gorgeous voice that can be used to woo people into submission or instead cause sonic booms in fight or flight situations where wooing someone won’t work (I’ve considered writing this myself, but I haven’t had the time! I might in the future, if you won’t mind!). She often sings to him while he lays with his head on her lap or chest and someone overhears/stumbles upon them, which is how her quirk is found out.

ok so this might not be that good 😅 I’m only really good at writing angst but I’ll try my best!

I also feel like this could be longer but I just kinda don’t know how to make it longer if that makes sense? this would be a good like 3 part series of him falling in love then the second chapter he finds out the quirk and then last chapter it’s all lovey or whatever

kinda a song fic I guess idk lol

first song is butterfly’s response and second is as the world caves in

if you do ever get around to writing it, tag me :)

✁- - - - - - r- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

it was late at night when hawks had come home, demanding you to sing to him.

well of course it wasn’t demanding just like begging. when you sang to him, it relaxed him instantly and calmed his nerves like nothing else could. he didn’t want to say that he fell in love with you because of it, but it played a role in it.

so when he came home you couldn’t decline and honestly, it felt good to help him. You were quirkless, and sometimes it was hard when you were a quirkless civilian dating a pro hero. sometimes you just felt useless with him, but being able to soothe him helped. you could do something to help him.

you laid down and waited for him to join you, drinking water preparing to sing for him.

most nights you would sing him to sleep, it calmed him that much. you’d never sing around anyone else, he would get upset saying that your singing was only for him. you were his songbird after all.

he walked into the room and you looked over him, he looked disheveled, tired, and tense. your heart ached for him.

he laid down with his head on your stomach, and his arms around your lower waist. you sighed and brang your hands up to his hair, slowly running your fingers through his hair, trying to release some tension from his scalp.

“ready baby?” you cooed softly at him, petting his hair.

“always songbird” his muffled voice vibrated against your stomach and you took a deep breathe.

“You don't have to speak

Don't need to talk to me

Baby, I already know

The shadows in your head

They've got you down again

Got you feelin' low”

this was one of his favourite songs you had sang it for him countless times and he never got tired of it. he asked you enough times to know that’s what he wanted.

“But it's time to rest, now

Let it all melt now

Wipe your tears

The sun's already set, now

Won't you go to sleep, now?

I'll see you in your dreams”

you felt his muscles relax, as you sang the soothing song. his breathes became more deep and you kept slowly running your hands through his hair, mostly focusing on singing

“'Cause I'm right here

Darlin', I'm right here

Close your pretty eyes, my butterfly

Baby, have no fear

The future's lookin' bleak

Your will to live is weak

But honey, hold on for me”

You had always wondered why he liked this song so much, but never really questioned it. you loved this song to, it got you through deep dark times.

“I know that you're an angel

But it's not your time to fly, now

We need you here on earth

Stay right here

I'll stay here with you, my dear

Look up to the sky and know

I am still alive

Because you want me to be”

when singing this song, sometimes you cried a little. especially after a long day. it held so much meaning for you two, it hurt so badly but it felt so good at the same time.

hawks breath had evened out now, and you were sure he was sleeping now.

you laid your head back and quietly said into the air not trying to wake him

“Remember, my dear

You're strong

You're loved

You're beautiful, so beautiful

And you belong here on Earth

I love you”

after that you fell asleep, holding him in your arms.

-ˏˋ♡ˊˎ-

it was the next day, and hawks had called you to his agency, he had a bad fight and needed you very bad.

when you got to his agency you saw him laying on the couch in his office. you walked over to him slowly and when you came into his view he lifted his arms towards you like a toddler.

you laughed softly and pulled him into your lap.

“your so cute baby. everything ok?”

“just need you to calm me down angel. been a rough day you know?” he mumbled into your stomach, burying his face into it like a pillow.

“want me to sing for you baby?”

he never really liked you singing outside of your apartment together, but today had been a particularly rough day so, he agreed.

you had asked him what song, already knowing which one but he gave you a odd request.

“can you sing as the world caves in? I heard you singing it the other day and it was really g-good” He sounded nervous almost, it was so cute.

“of course baby, anything for you”

you cleared your throat and shifted so you could sing properly.

“My feet are aching

And your back is pretty tired

And we've drunk a couple bottles, babe

And set our grief aside

The Papers say it's doomsday

The button has been pressed

We're gonna nuke each other up boys

'Til old satan stands impressed”

you were singing so beautifully, so graceful like you were a professional singer, and keigo couldn’t help but think that he was so lucky to have you. he would go to the ends of the world for you and back.

“And here it is, our final night alive

And as the earth runs to the ground

Oh girl it's you that I lie with

As the atom bomb locks in

Oh it's you I watch TV with

As the world, as the world caves-“

you were finishing the song, your singing loudly causing both of you to not notice the person entering the room, hawks receptionist, trying to give hawks some papers.

she walked in through the door, heard you sing, and she was instantly mesmerized.

you walked towards you stopping in front of you dropping to her knees, and staring up at you in admiration.

you quickly tapped hawks on his shoulder and whispered a quick “keigo what the fucks going on”

He lifted his head up, obviously confused, and sat up reaching to his receptionist, asking her if she’s ok

“y-your voice is so beautiful! please keep singing” she stuttered quickly, and then continued asking over and over

“is she ok?”

“I-I don’t know? Why don’t you go home babe, I’ll meet up later I’m gonan take her to the emergency room to see if she has some kind of head damage” you laughed softly at his comment before getting up and leaving. or trying to.

she quickly grabbed your arm before yelling “please stay! I’ll do anything for you! just sing to me again! please!”

you pulled away from her, hawks pulling her away, you gave him a confused look before he tried to reassure you

“I’ll be home quick just go”

you nodded softly and walked out of the agency, going home.

-ˏˋ♡ˊˎ-

you were making dinner when keigo had came home and you quickly went to greet him.

“did you find out what was wrong with her?”

he had a look on his face and you couldn’t quite tell what it was, but it wasn’t good.

“she was in a transe from a quirk. from your quirk y/n. you have a quirk that puts people into a transe.”

you looked at confused and then laughed

“nice joke keigo, now what was really wrong with her”

he stared at you seriously and it all clicked in your head.

you had a quirk.

[thedyingwriter]

Ravenclaw male X Slytherin female au

Ravenclaw : Axel Knight

Slytherin: Cassandra Bennett

Synopsis: Axel has liked Cassandra for a while now but has been vary about asking her out as it's rumored that she may be secretly dating Draco Malfoy, her best friend. What happens when they bump into each and other and can't stop with the flirtation anymore.

I hope you like this one shot au. It was something requested by my best friend and her wish is my command.

Cassandra was casually sitting in the library with her book in her hands, her legs placed gracefully on the nearby table not bothering the looks she was getting from the group of ravenclaw girls sitting next to her. She could still never believe that she was almost placed into Ravenclaw just because she was intelligent and a reader.

She was engrossed in her book about animagus. She had always been interested in the shape shifting quality some wizards and witches possessed. It always intrigued her. While she was busy in her own world she was oblivious to a pair of eyes who had been staring at her for the past half an hour.

The ravenclaw couldn't help but be attracted towards the Slytherin's charms. She wasn't like any other girl he had met. Despite being a pureblood she cared and respected everyone. Her attitude towards people weren't discriminated on the basis of blood but how they treated her and how much she could trust them. Axel has been find of the Cassandra since he saw her in the house sorting ceremony. He always wondered would they have been friends if she was sorted into his house? From the past 4 years he had never actually looked at her in a specific way other than just mild curiosity. She was a friendly person. She got along with everyone. She was known to be wrongly sorted into Slytherin just because of her pure blood status. He although felt she had a Royal aura about herself which she carried with pride.

"You should stop staring before you make it anymore obvious how extremely attracted you are to her" He heard the voice of none other than the devil himself, Draco Malfoy. He scoffed.

" Mind your own business Malfoy. I don't know how my eyes concern you but I would suggest you walk out of the library before anyone has a wrong idea that you may possibly even be interested in academics. " This time Draco laughed right at his face.

"For a ravenclaw you sure do have a sharp mouth. I suggest you may do something about your oh so obvious crush on Cassandra before someone else takes her away. With a beauty like hers and yule ball approaching its hard not be the center of every Slytherin male's attention. You may never even get a chance. " Draco said with mischief behind his eyes as he walked past Axel towards Cassandra.

Axel cursed under his breath. It was common knowledge that she got along pretty well with Malfoy too. He may be a complete asshole but it seemed he had a soft spot for her. They were close friends and some even believed they may be secretly dating.

He has never actually talked to her but after what Malfoy just said it was pretty obvious that if he wanted anything, even friendship to happen between them he would have to make the first move and that too before it's too late. There was no possibility in hell that she would approach him otherwise.

Cassandra was brought back to the real world after Draco took her book from her hands and lightly tossed it on the table. She gave him what seemed like a glare but she couldn't help but smile. Draco and her had been good friends for a while. Some people judged her harshly for it but he was a gentleman to her and being a Slytherin he was family. Hermione had once questioned her on how she tolerated his huge ego and flirtatious nature. She honestly never minded. He was just a nice friend to her.

"Mr Malfoy I assume you have something very important to discuss that you marched towards the library and spent your time bothering me while I read. " She said playfully.

" Oh yes I do Ms Bennett, I suppose since you are completely oblivious to things going around Hogwarts I should fill you in so that you don't feel like a deer caught in between headlights " He answered her with the same tone of sincerity.

"Oh please can we talk in human language and not like we live in Renaissance London. " She said laughing

" Sweetheart, it seems like Yule ball is approaching and you have a secret admirer. I think someone wants to ask you out here but is chickening out seeing how you have me around. "

Cassandra hit him with her book and an "ow.. Merlin woman calm down" Came from his mouth.

" I should not hang around you if that means I may lose a potential date to the ball who had less of an ego then our all might Draco Malfoy. " She said while walking down the library corridor back to her dorms.

" Whatever, you know you love me" Was last thing she heard from the blonde as she disappeared around the corner with a smile on her face.

. . . ..

Later in the evening she was walking towards the gryffindor table to return the book to Hermione and greet the golden trio when she bumped into someone. She almost fell from the pressure but was caught by the attacker as she layed in his arms her waist firmly held by his strong fingers. She looked up to see a pair of beautiful grey eyes of none other than the ravenclaw chaser Axel Knight. He was quite popular among females even though he was more of a shy, keep to himself kind of guy.

"Easy love we don't want the chaser to be killed by a Slytherin before the Friday game do we. " She teased him while getting back up and picking up her books. He blushed slightly but his smirk was intact.

" Who said you would kill such a pretty face like mine now? " He countered. She was taken aback because never had she ever seen the bold side of Axel before. She passed him a soft smile.

"I suppose we haven't formally met. I'm Axel Knight. And you must be the infamous Cassandra Bennett. " He said with his hands out. She placed her hand in hand while he softly planted a kiss on her knuckles. She looked at the pike of books in his other hand.

"Pride and prejudice. That's something I didn't expect to see in the hands of a quidditch player. I guess I may have mistaken you to be more into boyish stuffs then a revolutionary feminist novel written by a muggle. " She said eyeing the copy in his hand it was a beautiful illustration edition she had always wanted that version with its beautiful fine print.

" If I knew that a pretty lady like yours may guess so much about me without ever having a conversation I may have bumped into you a lot earlier I suppose. And I definitely am in love with this novel. I suppose you may be a fan of Mr Darcy. " He said. A man who knows his literature and has it's charms. Why had she never met him before.

" Mr Darcy is a lil too overrated, dare I say I was in love with the author herself. " She said with flirtation directed on her tongue.

The entire ravenclaw table was watching the conversation with the utmost interest until the heard the commotion and whisper they wee taken aback from the transe they were in and reminded of their surrounding.

"I guess I'll see you around Cassandra" She gave him a wink and walked passed him towards Hermione who was looking at her with mischief in her eyes awaiting lots of questions.

.......

The week had passed like this with flirtatious winks being passed between the pair in between corridor and classes.

She had grown to like this boy more than she thought and they were barely strangers.

She was lost in her thought while walking towards the astronomy tower in hopes of getting some peace and quiet form everyone asking out someone for the ball at every corner.

She looked at the vast sky in front of her and was distracted by the slight voice of someone in deep slumber. She turned to find Axel asleep leaning on the wall with his book half opened on his chest.

She lightly walked up to him and admired the beautiful face of the stranger she has grown to like. She imagined what it must feel like laying her head on his lap while she read him some beautiful poems filled with love. Her thoughts were short lived when she lost her footing and fell onto Axel's lap waking him up to a beautiful woman in his arm.

They were dangerously close and his eyes kept wavering between her eyes and luscious lips which gleemed of her cherry chapstick.

She tried getting up but he pulled her towards him again which ultimately led to her falling over him.

Her brunette hair covered her face and she could feel her heart hammering at the speed so high that it may even have bursted right then.

He pushed her curls to the back of her hair brushing her cheeks lightly.

" I may have talked to you for the first time last week only but how do I tell you this without sounding like a creep that you have intrigued me for years now. That how much I had wished to have you in my arms like this. That how much I hated when Malfoy flirted with me knowing I liked you just to annoy the living shit out if me. " He was brushing her cheeks with his thumb lightly. His other hand stroking the side if her waist.

She got up from his hold her cheeks stained red due to his words. For the first time the confident Slytherin seemed lost for words. She has never really had a romantic encounter that would make her so flushed.

"Axel I suppose I should go to the dorms now. It's soon gonna be past our curfews. " She started backing away when she was pulled by her wrist and landed straight on a hard chest.

" I'll let you go but before you go I wanted to do something for a long time. I'm gonna kiss you now and if you aren't comfortable please tell me now. " He pulled her closer to him and put both his hands on her neck bringing her close. She was breathing heavily and closed her eyes due to the parade of butterflies in her stomach caused by his words and touches.

He kissed her softly at first deepining the kiss when she reacted to him the way he wanted. He broke the kiss breathless after what seemed like an eternity.

" I have been thinking about doing that for a while now. " She confessed. Her breathing still heavily sounding between them.

" I know you don't know me so well but I wanted to ask you if you want to go out with me to Hogsmead this weekend. I want you to get to know me before I ask you to yule ball. I promise you won't regret it. " He asked returning back to his shy self. She looked at him, his cheeks a shade of pink now.

" I thought you'd never ask" She teased him and they both laughed while they cuddled together against the wall thinking of how this day had become one of the best they have had in a while.

I apologize for any typos, this was written spontaneously and just randomly.

[bluebabyy17]

//This is a new mini series i wanted to start where i try do a one shot everyday following the post i reblogged (im just having a random generator pick a number). I am starting school again soon though but im up for this and this is a bit of a creative release.//

Theme Word: Protect

‘Why didn’t i just sit in his stupid pocket’ Alice curses herself in her head. Shaking terribly and covering her mouth to silence her shaky breath. She silently prays for the return of her friend (boyfriend but Alice is far too shy to admit it). Charlie, her friend in question, has gone to get them lunch and offered her to come but her fear of dark small spaces overdriven her choice.

So now she sits in a dark space alone and terrified out her mind, with a stranger walking through the house. Oh how she regrets not going with him. She’s now frozen from fear with anxiety eating her.

Meanwhile Charlie continues at the supermarket unaware the terror his tiny dancer faces. She did cross his mind every so often. The way her hair fell over her face and shoulders, covering her face with a curtain of jade green hair. The months and months she begged Charlie to dye her hair. Her lips pouted and the stars in her eyes glowing stronger than before.

Thinking about her longer Charlie did want to ask her out officially. They hadn’t talked about it for too long. But Charlie wished she was could hold a conversation about it. She was far too nervous about it. ‘Perhaps she didn’t want to admit that she cant resist my good looks’. Charlie then picked foods he knows Alice loves because it’s the /little things in life that matter/ no pun intended.

RINGGG. Charlies phone started to ring suddenly, strange who could it be. “ Heyy man where are you, im at your apartment. I thought we were gonna do something.” Bailey said through the phone. ‘Wait is it really Tuesday...already!!!’ “ Uhhh you’re at my place?” Charlie began. “ Well duhh it is Tuesday man.” Bailey announces proudly. “Stay uh right there. Ok? Right there. Dont move ok? Im 10 minutes away.” This statement made Bailey even more confused but he obeyed and set himself on the couch.

Alice’s worry only doubled when the stranger sat on the couch she hid under. ‘10 minutes is too long’ She cried in her head as her panic attack was becoming harder to contain. Alice occasionally had to hold her breathe to not be too loud for the “Bailey” person. ‘Charlie is coming just have faith.’ Her mind pleads. She was thankful that ‘Bailey’ hadn’t moved at all but she just wants him gone.

Charlie bursts through the door of the small apartment with a red face, heavy breathing and a small grocery bag. Bailey just looks at him with amusement. “Aww did you miss me that much. “ Bailey slurred out in a fake sweet voice. Charlie paid him no attention and was too busy searching the floor for Alice. “Uhhh dude. What are you doing?” Charlie then grabbed Baileys sleeve and pulled him over to the door that he left open. “ Woah woah slow down what’d i do?” Bailey pleaded. The door shut in his face was an answer enough.

“Alice come out im here.” His pleas sounded out in the small apartment. Searching high and low for a 5 inch tall girl should have been easy. Looking for her in a two bedroom apartment should be even easier. “ Come on,come on.” His muttering continued. Looking under the couch he finally felt so relaxed and better that he found her.

Curled in a ball and passed out fully asleep she laid. The beautiful emerald hair splayed everywhere over her face. Her breathing was uneven at times. But she seemed very at ease. Carefully reaching under the couch Charlie gently picked her up and brought her out of the darkness. Ever so slightly Charlie pushed some of her hair out of her face.

The front door was opened suddenly and the moment was over. Bailey some how broke in. Again. “Charlie dude what the hell!!” Bailey yelled at him mad and confused he was pushed out like that. Immediately Charlie placed Alice behind himself and under the couch. Keeping her hidden and away. “Look im sorry ok just. Why did you break into my house. When did i give you permission to do that?” Charlie questioned as he stood up facing Bailey.

“Me? You think I’m in the wrong. Did you not just toss me out of here like i did something wrong.” Baileys argued. “Well you did break into my place without me knowing so yes you deserved it.” Charlie replied slightly harsh in his words. “You knew I was coming for us to go out. You wanted me to go out and do something together.” Bailey practically screamed. Charlie sat down on the ground and took multiple deep breaths. “Is there something you’re hiding from me?” Bailey asked. Hearing this Charlies body tensed up. “Why do u say that.” “You’re hand is behind you and your back.”

As gentle as he could Charlie wrapped his hand around Alices still sleeping body. “You need to go Bailey. Now.” “Tell me Charlie. Now” Charlie stood up silently and held her to his chest and headed to the bedroom. Bailey did continue to yell and shove at Charlie. Ignoring the yells and hits he carefully places Alice into the bed and made sure she had blankets on her.

Bailey had stopped screaming and was now in a transe after seeing the green haired tiny girl. But now that she was in the bed Charlie turned at Bailey with a ice cold stare. He grabbed Baileys hand and dragged him to the kitchen without any mercy to his hand. “You dont come to my place again, and give me whatever it is that gets you in here now.” Charlie demands gripping the kitchen counter hard and glaring at Bailey. Who was incredibly confused and terrified gave over a key for the apartment.

Snatching the key and tossing it in a draw he then began pushing Bailey to the door. “Wait wait come on just tell me what that thing was.” In short now Bailey really fucked up. No longer was Charlies cold. They were almost red full of anger. Taking Baileys arm in vise like grip he shoved him out of the room and kicked him out of the apartment. “Call her a thing again and I will break your arm.”

Slamming the door he locked it and placed a wedge under the door Charlie collapsed against the door. He could hear Bailey yelling again and pleading but he ignored it. Thousands of thoughts ran through his head and it felt heavy. The guilt of being so harsh to him was starting to hit him. What about Alice what if she finds out what he did to keep her safe. Would she feel scared.

He knew he was thinking too much of it but he started to fear that he’ll loose Alice. Before it registered to him was crying. Streaming tears that he barely could feel. He gave up trying to stop them so he tidied the house then needed to forget of today. Slowly heading to the bedroom he made sure he was was quiet if she was asleep still.

She hadn’t moved at all for a whole hour. “Honestly you’d sleep through a hurricane.” Charlie quietly joked. He felt better smiling though. Going to the other side of the bed Charlie slipped into the bedsheets curling himself slightly around Alice. Looking at her tear stained face he knew she should have just sat in his pocket. Soon enough Charlie fell asleep but felt content with a small green head girl in his hands.

[spectraspecs-writes]

Brief Trans thingy from a (technically) trans person. Edit after the fact: I’m sorry, but this is not brief.

I talk with my mom about trans stuff a lot. She’s in her sixties and wants to understand simply because a.) it’s me and it’s important to me b.) it comes up in the news a bit and she gets confused. Recently she read an article about a non-binary person who now has a difficult relationship with Harry Potter. Harry Potter kept them from suicide. Which mom thought was very sweet and she liked reading the article. Where she struggled was with this person’s identity. The writer of the article was AMAB, but felt more aligned with femininity, took estrogen, and all around presented as a woman. But used they/them pronouns. Mom couldn’t understand why you would go to that much trouble to present as female but still go by they/them. “It just brings the problem up again that you’re not really a girl.”

Let me say this before going further. My mom is not transphobic. It might sound that way if you don’t know her and just hear her words but she’s not. She first looks at it biologically, because she’s autistic and a former nurse, that trans women can never be women. Meaning, trans women can never be female. But she’s not about to say they shouldn’t be in women’s spaces or call them men. On the level we all care about, she is accepting of trans people as the gender they say they are. Example: I talked about my friend Chris a lot before I actually brought him home. Chris is a demiboy - hi Chris, I know you’re here. And it took me a bit but I was able to fully refer to Chris by his preferred pronouns consistently. My parents therefore also referred to him with those pronouns, not knowing he ever had any others. When he came over, my mom noted that his voice is more... feminine. She didn’t even think trans, she thought “hmm. He must be smart to be in college when he hasn’t even gone through puberty yet.” Dad even asked mom in a whisper “is Chris short for a Christopher or Christina?” They were just confused. But that didn’t stop them from going “okay, Chris is a boy and that’s what matters. We are confused, but Chris is a boy.” Now that mom knows the score, she will often mention Chris in her questions as an example we both know. (Often in sexuality questions - for example, if Chris goes out with a girl is that straight or gay? It’s straight, but also queer. You can see why an Aspie would get confused. I had the same question a while ago.) To reiterate, Mom doesn’t care if a person is trans. They should go where they feel most comfortable. She might say things to me that are accidentally transphobic, but I tell her about it and she would never actually say them to another trans person. If she did, I would explain to the trans person in question and to my mom that it came out wrong and tell her why. We’re autistic. We much prefer to be told about our mistakes and how to correct them.

Anyway. She kept asking me “why go by they/them if you present as female?” And I told her “because she/her could hurt.” As a nurse she know how to respond to hurt. How do we stop the hurt? And in the case of this person, stopping the hurt is going by they/them. But mom wants to address the root of the hurt, not be palliative about it. She wants to know how to make she/her stop hurting, when it can’t. It’s not that kind of hurt. I ended up coming up with a metaphor, after all of my gender visualizations fell flat.

Let’s say you have a great job lined up in Kansas City. You have an apartment there, everything is set up for you to go to Kansas City. So you leave, going from St. Louis to Kansas City. On the way you stop off in Jefferson City. Jefferson City is great! You love Jefferson City! You have so much fun on your brief stop in Jefferson City. But you have to keep going, you have to see Kansas City, things are waiting for you there.

But when you get to Kansas City... you don’t like it. The job is fine, the apartment is fine, but you just... don’t like it. “Why don’t you like it?” She asks. I don’t know, that’s different from person to person. Maybe the aquarium isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Maybe the people are impolite. Maybe it just doesn’t vibe with you. But you can either stay unhappy in Kansas City, where things are certain. Which some people do for a while. Or you can start over in Jefferson City. Things will be new and uncertain, but you already know you love it. Sometimes being trans is going all the way to Kansas City and staying there. Sometimes you get to Jefferson City and decide screw Kansas City I’m going to stay here. And sometimes being trans is going all the way and deciding it’s not for you, so you go back. And maybe you don’t go all the way. Maybe you stop somewhere between Kansas City and Jefferson City, in some little nowhere town, because it makes you happy beyond words to be there. And the metaphor continues on. Cis people are happy to stay in St. Louis. Maybe they’ve explored elsewhere but found St. Louis is the best place for them. I’m genderfluid. St. Louis is fine but I like to get on a bus now and then.

The metaphor worked. But the question come up again. “So she’s happy in Jefferson City. Why does she care if other people know she’s there? She looks like she’s from Kansas City, why not say she is?” Still misgendering solely out of confusion. “Why use they/them if you’re happy looking like a girl?” And I finally was able to tell her, in a pride event or a safe place, this is what they prefer. This is what makes them happy. They are so proud of finding the best place, they are so proud of living in Jefferson City. But some people don’t accept that. Some people think it’s stupid. Some people, upon hearing the mere hint of transness, will lash out and even be violent. They would prefer to go by they/them, but if they don’t feel safe, they will accept being misgendered. They will accept Kansas City merch if it keeps them safe. But wherever they can, if they feel safe about it, they will tell people about their journey to Jefferson City. They’ll tell them all about the landmarks, the museums, the local cuisine, that one burger joint you should never go to. They appreciate Jefferson City guidebooks.

Dysphoria comes into play, too. Some people absolutely hate that they look like they’re from St. Louis. They want to be associated with Kansas City at all costs. They’ve thrown out all their Cardinals merch - it’s the Royals or nothing! Some are cool with it sometimes and not at others. Some like myself don’t mind it at all. St. Louis is still a part of them, and it was fun while it lasted. They still like the Cardinals but they cheer for the Royals too. And when they play each other - well, I can’t take the metaphor there. And euphoria! You tolerate Cardinals merch but when someone gives you a Royals shirt you wear it all the time!! Kansas City stickers make you so excited!

I don’t remember where I was going with this. But either way I think I stumbled into a great metaphor.

[joanofrad]

I know it's an old subject on your blog, but I'm so sick of how mainstream fandoms are so quick to depict GNC characters as trans, especially when it's super clear that they aren't, and especially in anime fandoms. When I was little and watched Versailles no Bara, everyone acknowledged Oscar as a woman (she also says so herself). Now I've seen people calling her "he" or a trans man. Kashima from GSNK is often called genderfluid (how can you be same-sex attracted, GNC and not be trans ?!) (1/)

An old manga (I don’t remember its name sorry) who came around 2005 has a secondary character who started as a gc boy, but as the story avanced, he started to wear dresses, skirts, makeup, etc) and fell in love with the main (male) character and the mainstream fandoms is almost dead but still can’t stop itself to say he’s trans when the mangaka clearly stated again and again and again that he wasn’t trans. (2/) My favorite manga has a male main character whose behavior is really GNC and people can’t stop headcanoning him as a transgirl. I remember the first time I found this was under a pic of him wearing pink floral stuff (he often wear things like this). There’s also implications that he could be gay (not impossible since there’s a lot of ssa female characters). Like, everytime I see a GNC character (who is possibly or canonly ssa), there’s aaaalway people saying they’re trans. (3/) (Sorry for the rant and crappy english ^^’) (4/4)  

Hi anon! ^.^

First of all, no reason to apologise for the rant or your English! I apologise for the late answer!

I really agree with everything you said in your messages and it’s pretty much the reason why I stopped interacting with any fandom here on tumblr (or on other fandom sites/forums) and only follow a few graphic blogs anymore. This whole transing of gnc characters just had me feeling angry and tired all the time, especially because I still remember a time (like five years ago or so), when nobody would have thought that Haku from “Naruto” was a girl or Haruka and Seiya from “BSSM” were trans or genderfluid or whatever (actually my Japanese friends and me still have a good laugh about these things, because nobody in Japan thinks like this). But I think my favourite (with which I mean least-favourite) part is when the people, who are saying shit like this think of themselves as progressive and open-minded, when they’re the exact opposite!

[ladyloveandjustice]

Fall 2018 Anime Overview: Double Decker! Doug & Kirill

Double Decker! Doug and Kirill follows a special police force devoted to dealing with cases involving “Anthem”, a highly dangerous super-drug that can be both fatal and grant uncontrollable superpowers. The squad is divided into three pairs of partners. The eponymous Kirill is a enthusiastic newbie who partners with a deadpan, “kind of an asshole” veteran named Doug.

It’s hard to say when a show crosses the line from “dumb in a fun way” to “just mind numbingly dumb” but I’d say Double Decker crossed that threshold around about the midpoint of the series. Which is a shame, because I was rooting for it. It seemed like an anime with a lot of potential- it was humorous, irreverent and bombastic, it seemed fun and colorful with a varied cast, it had a nice variety of ladies in the squad, and two of the ladies, Max and Yuri, were heavily coded as a couple right off the bat-

-with Max (on the left) in particular going putting off some Impressive Lesbian Energy with her aesthetic...and early on Doug announced that his life goal was to “eliminate poverty and class”, indicating the series intended to deal with social issues. 

It IS possible to be a cheesy, fun show that is also inclusive and deals with social ills, but Double Decker’s clumsy, simplistic attempts to balance this with the larger goofy plot ultimately meant it fell short of being an truly entertaining romp AND was utterly disastrous at being socially aware. 

Double Decker acts like it wants to say something about tolerance at points, but is ultimately gutless, toothless and halfhearted, sometimes verging on offensive. It became apparent the show wasn’t going to be truly LGBT inclusive with a character’s uh, “gender reveal” scene midseries that is a just...a mess. Some characters reactions to the “revelation” are just blatantly transphobic (thinking its hilarious, saying the character in question should “tell the truth" about their sex, etc) and this was never called out or challenged. It’s finally explained (baffllngly late in the series) that rather than actually being trans, this character is a cis man who just disguised himself as a woman for flimsy plot reasons, it doesn’t make how the reveal scene was handled and how it was painted as being “funny” any better. It’s not my lane so I won’t really go into it, but this article at Anime Herald covers the whole mess in detail. The whole thing is SO stupid and honestly there was no reason for it to be a plot at all.

If that “reveal” episode had me feeling wary about the show, the episode following sunk any hopes I had for it. Double Decker didn’t even have the guts to have Max and Yuri be explicitly romantically involved, instead just giving vague, baity hints. What’s worse, the episode focusing on Max was boring as sin. It was painfully bland and on the nose “critique” of high school proms SO rote it even had the girl who wanted to be popular transform into a literal “queen bee” (GET IT). The only thing we actually learn about Max in her supposed focus episode is that she hates proms because a bunch of kids rejected her trans friend at one which caused her friend to turn to drugs and disappear forever. Yep, not only can the show not bother to give us actual lesbians, trans people are just tragic props (and the attempt to say a thing about how trans people are treated badly would have felt a LOT more sincere if transness hadn’t been treated as a joke in THE EPISODE JUST BEFORE THIS ONE).

Doug also only became aware of poverty existing because of a tragic prop- his backstory amounts to a dead little shoe-shining street girl so one dimensional and cliche I’m surprised she wasn’t found frozen in an alley clutching a book of matches, and that one incident made him realize Poor People Shouldn’t Be a Thing so now he’s, uh....well, he’s not really doing anything about it, but he says he wants to, and that’s good enough right?

Yeah, that’s about the level of nuance we’re dealing with here. It’s nice that Double Decker tried, I guess, but if this was going to be the level of its effort, I wish it had just stuck to being a goofy sci-fi show. As it was, even the “goofy buddy cop” aspect felt really hollow because the show didn’t give us a reason to be invested in these partnerships or these characters.

I wanted to be invested! I was SO ready to appreciate the punk butch and her robot girlfriend, but instead we barely learn anything about them or see them interact. I was READY to be tremendously invested in the straightlaced office girl and her vulgar pink haired partner, but we didn’t learn anything beyond their surface personalities- nothing substantial about what drives them or where they come from or anything. Doug had his eye-rolly dead-little-girl backstory and admittedly sometimes amusing snarky asshole personality, but he spends so much time being insincere there wasn’t much to latch onto with him.

 Kirill was pretty much the only one in this show who felt like an Actual Character, and I did find him extremely likable- he was utterly sincere in everything he did, full of heart, dumb and enthusiastic in a fun way, and incredibly sweet and supportive to his friends and loved ones (he was also the only one who was chill and accepting about the not-really-trans character too so that earned him some points) but all the stuff going around him was so empty it didn’t matter.

(ending spoilers here)

The show didn’t put the work into making you connect with these characters, but it DID still expect you to be invested in them. One of the kinda-lesbians appears to have died at one point in the show, but it makes zero impact because you knew basically nothing about that character anyway- it instead just feels annoying, like “wow, you’re just gonna kill that gay without bothering to develop her huh” but the show clearly expects you to be devastated. Then when it’s revealed at the end “PSYCH she’s alive for this ridiculous jokey contrived reason haha really pranked you huh” it’s just even more annoying. Just because I’m relieved you didn’t actually bury the gay doesn’t mean you pretending to bury her wasn’t insulting and pointless. All you did was bring my attention to how little you bothered to develop this character and how willing you are to use her and her kinda-girlfriend’s pain as a plot device, so thanks?

(spoilers end)

The humor of the show basically followed “you thought THIS thing was gonna happen but instead WACKY TWIST haha now the narrator makes a snarky comment about it” and while that was fun at first it just got old without anything going on besides that. And as for the plot, it’s...generous... to call it a plot. At the end it jumps straight to “AND SUDDENLY THERE WERE ALIENS” with almost zero foreshadowing and it just gets stupider from there. Such a ridiculous development would work on a show that was either a) a pure farce or b) something super wacky but with enough heart, drama and character to keep you invested, but DD was neither of those things. It was an anime that wanted you to care, but gave no fucks itself. 

(Also this show is supposed to be related to Tiger and Bunny but I honestly have no idea how these two anime are connected in-universe. Is this a prequel? sequel? Are they happening at the same time? WHO KNOWS, THE CREATORS SURE DON’T)

The animation was also nothing to write home about, with a lot of awkward CGI shots and pretty ugly clothing designs- it was colorful enough to distract from it a lot of the time, but definitely not winning any aesthetics awards.

So yeah, Double Decker is very far from the worst anime I’ve ever watched, and I like the concept I think it was GOING for- but what we ended up with was something completely mediocre. The first couple episodes were fun, but by the end it was a chore to watch. I finished it because “well I’ve come this far might as well” rather than any real investment in the show. It wasn’t painful (except for the clumsy attempts at dealing with trans issues), but it was so completely stupid and forgettable, which is sad, because it seemed like it had so much potential at the start.

[goodgriefwhatanerd]

Pickman’s Gift

Kind of a vent fic in two halfs? One half when I was feeling really bad about my family and couldn’t come up with a satisfying ending, and finished now I have been more accepted by them. Anyway this is what happens when I spend ages thinking about how I’d fit in with Randolph’s friend group and got attached to the edgy ghoul loving boy. Warning for mild gore in fiction-within fiction I guess. Look, this is mostly here for me because I didn’t think anything short of magic would have caused what happened today.

*

It was like a lower budget version of the artists' getaway that had produced Frankenstein, except instead of the finest literary minds of the century this was three gay nerds in an old house in Arkham.

Rowan had pointed out as much and got a tea towel thrown at them for their trouble. Their writing hadn't been going well. Or, to put it another way, they had written a lot in total, but each individual project had ground to a halt before the 10k mark.

"Just tell me about one of them," Richard Pickman had said when they'd wandered into his studio. "Sort it out in your head."

"But which one?"

"I don't know... What about that fairy changeling one? What was that metaphor again about being queer?"

"Okay... Okay, I can do that." Rowan flopped onto a sofa and tried to marshall some words together while Richard's pencil scratched across the canvass.

"So it's kind of a metaphor for neurodivergence and transness in one. There have been quite a few theories that autistic children were believed to be changelings, and you can see some of that in the way parents talk about autism taking their child away from them. From there it wasn't hard to jump on the thought of the fairies stealing away my mother's wonderful, neurotypical daughter." They spat the words, half a lifetime's bitterness slipping out into the air.

"A lot of parents with an autistic or trans kid feel the need to mourn the child they never had. The baby girl that never was. If I had a penny for every time I'd been told my existence was hard on them..." Rowan looked out at the rain. "I suppose it's still kinder than what they used to do. Or at least more subtle. And like in the stories, if they make life difficult enough for the fairy child then it will leave and not come back."

Rowan smiled a tight little smile. This one had gone to the West, an entire continent away. They'd found a home, too, in the land of dreams. The faerie boy fell silent.

Richard looked at him, or through him. He whispered the words back under his breath, then started to scribble madly. * It was almost a month later when Pickman finished the painting. At first glance, it was a terrible eldritch fae creature reaching for a newborn babe, even as its mother laid it in the cot. Then the eye took in the details, the sharp teeth in the baby's mouth, the fact that the human woman seemed more to be picking it up than laying it down. And when you saw that, the look on the dark fairy's face appeared to be more horror than cruelty. He called it The Stolen Child and said it was the first painting of two.

Later that day, Rowan got their first appointment for a testosterone shot.

*

The next month saw the second painting finished. Pickman's grim interests had bled into that one. The human woman from the first painting lay dead at the feet of her stolen child. Strewn across the floor were skirts and dresses while the barely human offspring wore poorly fitted men's clothes. The eldritch fairy was standing behind it, smiling like a proud parent.

Unbeknown to Rowan, as the final brushstroke of their friend's painting dried, their grandfather was writing a letter addressed for the first time to his grandson. And that was the finish of The Baby Girl That Never Was.

[arclightbutterfly]

2017: Year In Review

2017 was a crazy year for me on my transgender journey. Here’s sort of a recap, as I read through all of my old posts, I guess?

January 9th: Took my first dose of medication; the start of my journey officially transitioning into a biological female. Very exciting.

January 10th: First day on meds! No morning wood! Basically no erections!

January 16th: One week in. Dysphoria subsided. Felt like I could finally start living.

January 21st: No sexual changes that I could tell of yet.

January 22nd: Had some religious contemplations. Decided to continue on with my journey.

January 25th: Two weeks in. Definitely softer skin. Novelty wearing off a bit.

January 31st: End of three weeks. Differences in smell becoming noticeable. Decided I wanted to go to senior prom in a dress, but was unsure whether it was going to happen (@ past me, don’t worry-- it’s definitely going to happen now)

February 1st: Lost my job as a tutor bc mom made me stop. Needed new way of getting money.

February 7th: One month in (Even though I think I started on the 9th??). Some depression returns.

April 13th: Big update! Ran out of estrogen pills. Running out of money. Thighs are now sensitive! Chest still sensitive! Which is an issue because korean males like to hit each others’ chests a lot. Told my school counselor that I was trans.

June 3rd: Lost track of how long I’ve been medicating. Getting better at changing my voice (as of date, I am now very good at this and am very happy with my voice). Smoller wrists! More feminine face! Existential crisis regarding whether or not I’ll ever find someone who loves me!

June 20th: Somehow scraped together the money to buy meds again. Ordered an asymmetrical hoodie while I was at it (my first self-bought feminine article of clothing!). Everyone thinks I’m 14, and I love it.

June 27th: Brother called me “she” by accident. Little happy things.

July 2nd: Went to Korea! Korean grandmothers all thought I was female! Pissed off my parents but I was happy

August 5th: Came back from church retreat. Met some very accepting freshman girls who I talked with until 4 am in the morning. Am still friends with them! They’re so great and I’m v. happy. My brother found my meds on this day, but I managed to bullshit my way to safety.

August 8th: Plucked out facial hair by hand. Ouch. Got catcalled for the first time, and told a cashier my name was Alina. Evan Low, California legislator, referred to me and my friends as “girls” when we were running our non-profit c: also got an ID photo for school and looked like an ugly girl but still a girl >>

August 16th: Started taking medication sublingually. Lots of angst about pronouns and people treating me like I’m trans rather than as a girl

August 19th: Doctor confused as fuck regarding my sudden change in BMI. No one at school seems to have noticed much.

August 24th: Took senior photo in a fucking tuxedo. Felt disgusted. Still feel disgusted four months later.

August 31st: Got a new job. $35 an hour starting salary, for two hours a week. Enough money to buy meds and some clothes. Very stressed out and tired.

September 6th: Someone who didn’t know I was trans heard me make a squealing sound when I fell and told me that I wasn’t a girl so I kicked him. Felt a little bad about it, but didn’t regret it. Mom found my jewelry, so had to bullshit my way out of that one.

September 7th: FUCK TUXEDOS. Also fuck my brother for finding out that my friends call me Alina. And teasing me about it.

September 8th/9th: FIRST TIME PRESENTING AS FEMALE IN PUBLIC. Went to a cross-school mixer. No one suspected anything and I was just,, so happy,, and I never could have imagined that I’d make it this far. Sucked going back to “normal” life at school.

September 24th: Mom found recommendation letter draft. Saw part about being transgender. Had to bullshit out of that one too.

October 3rd: Planned to buy a dress with friends!! Finally starting to feel successful.

November 5th: Friends all flaked on me; couldn’t buy a dress. Still watched No Game No Life: Zero with them, though.

October 12th: hahahaha fuck all my friends I had a mental breakdown because they made fun of me for being trans

October 17th: Spent all of my remaining money on a dress and makeup and facial hair removal cream. Sort of like a “treat yourself” kinda thing bc honestly fuck my life

October 21st: Homecoming!!??!!?!?! Possibly the best day of my life???!! Basically came out to everyone who was there and people told me I looked pretty and I felt pretty and people hit on me and it was fucking amazingasdlfjflgaldsf

October 22nd: Posted homecoming pictures on instagram!!! Lots of positive reactions!! I love my friends

October 26th: I hate my friends theyre dicks and they make fun of me for being trans and I cried during a friends date I don’t hate all my friends just some of them sometimes most of them are actually pretty great

November 6th: Decided to double my dosage after like 10 months or something! Old people have started to double take on my gender! All around good stuff except for the fact that I ran out of money and am going to get meds two weeks after I run out

November 8th: Being off of meds starts getting to me. Dysphoria is coming back. 

November 11th: Church sleepover thing. Hated being there. Didn’t feel like I fit in with any of them. Still don’t.

November 15th: Bought a razor!! Basically a magic hair removal wand!! Am very amazed. Everything feels so smooth. Medication arrived!! Happy girl is happy.

November 19th: I suck at shaving and I cut myself everywhere but its worth it

November 23rd: Aunts and uncles came over. Transphobia ensued.

November 30th: College apps asdfhjlgashdlfjadfhl?? But also bought shittons of clothing!!! Met someone who made me feel super insecure because she was so naturally cute!!

December 5th: Someone sent me $1100 in bitcoins what the actual fuck is this angel

December 7th: I feel like my mom knows. I can sense it. (Spoiler alert: I was right)

December 17th: Had a joint bible study at church with girls and guys mixed. Felt very resentful that I was denied a childhood with the girls class at my church. Hated being there. Once the class was divided by gender, I just left. Didn’t come back.

December 18th: Feeling okay. Voice is still high. Am glad I practiced it since seventh grade.

December 22nd: Mom bought me cute clothes! Also speaking of cute clothes someone moved stuff in my drawer it looks like?? (Spoiler: it was my mom)

December 23rd: Mom found out I was trans. GG rip. She took it better than I thought she would, where shes definitely not supportive, but told me she couldnt stop me. Still, going to be a long ride

December 26th: Went to a counselor that i was set up with to see if I was “really” trans (spoiler: i am). He was pretty nice and understanding.

December 27th: The first of what would turn into weekly talks about my transness and my mom reconsidering her leniency. I hate my life. Also, met an old childhood friend before I went on my church retreat. Was very surprised at how feminine I’d gotten. Was very happy.

December 29th: People at my church are so accepting its great. I should come out to the senior girls class but idk how :/

December 31st: Mom walks in again, complains about how much she hates that I’m trans and whatnot. Fuck that noise. I’m going into the new year; new year new me. I don’t care what my parents think or what happens. This is who I am. This is how far I’ve gotten. I’ve gotten this far without them, and I will continue to go on as such. This is my life y’all.

[bettys-babes]

RIVERDALE PREFERENCES

Request: How they ask you out.

Written by: Violet 

Song list: Working on that :)

✩

Jughead: Jughead was never a romantic. He never felt that connection with his romantic side. And then he met y/n. He watched her from afar at first, trying to keep his distance. He then fell in love. Not only with her, but he fell in love with the idea of falling in love. He never felt such a powerful emotion. Such a strong  connection. He had to ask you out, but he had no idea of how to go about it. So he went to one person who he knew could help him.

Veronica Lodge.

“No, I am not going to buy her flowers.” Jughead scoffed.

“Oh get a grip Jughead, shes a total sucker for roses.” Veronica replied.

Jughead got over himself, as suggested by Veronica and he decided to take y/n out to dinner and ask her out the old fashioned way.

✩

Archie: It was the hype around Riverdale High. A screaming match had broken out between Reggie Mantle and Archie Andrews. You had been seeing Archie for the last few weeks after the two of you had shared a secret kiss. Nobody knew, because it wasn’t that deep. You and Archie had feelings for one another, but you were waiting for him to make the first move.

Rushing to the hallway, you approach a crowd of people who were all dead silent. And then you heard the two of them bickering.

“You cant tell me how to act, Andrews.” Reggies deep voice booms, anger laced through every word.

Jughead is standing to the side like a deer in the headlights, and Archie was standing right infront of Reggie.

“You can talk about anyone in the damn school, but not her.” Archie warns, acting calm. 

Reggie leans in closer.

“Or what?” he teases.

Archie tenses. He looks over at you quickly and smirks.

“Because she’s my girlfriend, bitch.” he snaps, as he pushes Reggie across the room.

Not the most romantic way to ask someone out, but still just as meaningful.

✩

Veronica: The club was booming. Everyone was a little tipsy, moving to the beat of the song, almost as if they were in a transe. Veronica was always the life of the party, but she was a little more than that to you.

“Hey stranger.” Veronica giggles, bouncing over to you.

“Heyyy..” You trail on, as she laces her arm along your waist. 

Her facial expression changes, turning from party girl to serious.

“I really care about you.” She mentions softly. 

You look at her and you see the love in her eyes.

“I thought you weren’t ready?” you ask.

“I am now.” She smiles.

And the perfect kiss emerged in the middle of a club. Two underage girls, crazy about one another.

✩

Betty: Betty was always a person who aimed for perfection. She enjoyed being that girl, but when she was around you she could let her guard down. You both enjoyed watching netflix, baking and taking long walks along sweetwater river. 

It was a day of watching movies that was interupted by an alarm.

“Thats the cake.” she said as she got up.

Paying no attention, you carried on watching the movie. 

She walks through and places the cake in front of you. 

It simply says ‘be mine?’ on it.

You couldn’t help but let out a little laugh.

“What?” she asks pouting.

“This is so cheesy.” you answer, wiping a tear from your eyes.

“Oh just answer the question.” she syas, leaning back and smiling.

“Of course.” you reply, kissing her on the cheek.

✩

[a-dreamer-named-mars]

Imagine Reconnecting With Jamie (Part 1)

Requested by emmaljo on wattpad. Click here for more imagines and fanfictions.

- - - - -

"Mommy, can we go to the zoo today?" Your son asked while you dressed him.

"Sure thing, my love." You said before picking him up and taking him to the kitchen to eat breakfast.

Yes, you had a son. A three year old son, to be exact, that was the light of your life and the best thing that ever happened to you. His name was Joshua (Y/L/N) and he was the most beautiful and the most adorable little boy on the planet. He took after his father a lot, he had blue eyes and light brown hair, and he was a heartthrob, always making girls at daycare go nuts for him. But his dad wasn't in the picture and you were a single mom, that never got to graduate and worked at a book store to make some money for the two of you.

Long story short, you met Jamie Reagan - the father of your child - a long, long time ago and you dated for a few years, you thought he was the one and that you were really going to spend your whole life with him but... that didn't happen. While you were in college and he was Law School, in Harvard, he met someone else - Sydney Davenport - who he fell in love for, and decided to break up with you. You were heartbroken, to say the least, and although he said he'd like for you to stay friends, you just couldn't, because it was way too painful to see him with somebody else and be happy for him, so you cut all ties you had with him and lost contact.

Things got complicated when, nearly a month and half after you broke up, you found out you were pregnant... Obviously with Jamie's baby. You told your parents and your sister about and decided you wanted to keep the baby, but you never told him about it. You had to drop out of college, you were taking Medicine, which was your dream, but... that baby of yours came first and, you had to give that up.

But that was all water under the bridge now, and that boy and his happiness what all that mattered to you. You had never been with anyone else after having Joshua, plus having a three year old son in your twnties wasn't exactly appealing to other guys your age... Most of them get scared off when they found out about him. But it was understandable to you and you were happy with just your son. Plus working at a book store had its perks, and you loved it.

Brushing off your thoughts off of your mind, you were brought back to reality when your everything called you.

"Yes, my sweet pie?" You asked, as you turned around to face him.

"I ate everything!"

You looked down at the clean and empty bowl in front of him and smiled.

"That's my boy! Alright, you ready to go? We're gonna have such an amazing Saturday!"

You got up and pulled him out of the chair, sitting him down on the couch while you went to your room to get your purse and his jacket. You came back quickly and, hand in hand, you walked out, making your way to the Manhattan Zoo.

* * *

"Hey mommy, can I please go say hi to that police officer?" He asked, in the most adorable voice, ever.

That was another fact about your amazing son - he was in love with policing. His favorite cars to play with were police cars miniatures, he was always saying he wanted to become a police officer when he grew up, he loved to watch Paw Patrol... Well, maybe that had something to do with his obsession. He even dressed up as a cop for Halloween! And whenever he saw an officer in the street, he always wanted to meet them. They were usually pretty nice and found it amusing that a young boy looked up to them so much.

"Sure."

You walked hand in hand with him and crossed the street, facing the police officer's back, that were facing you, since he was talking to his partner, a beautiful blonde woman.

"Hello, I'm Joshua." He said, again, with his adorable voice, while poking the cop's leg with his little finger.

The man turned around and you almost had a heart attack standing there. It was Jamie. Your Jamie, Joshua's dad.

He must have recognized you too by the look on his face when he saw who it was that was behind him. After a few minutes of looking at each other in shock and surprise and not saying anything, he looked down to see what had poked him and noticed Joshua, holding your hand.

"Baby, let's go." You said as you tried to walk away, but your son didn't want to leave and Jamie noticed it.

"No, no... Hi, Joshua. I'm Officer Reagan." He said as he politely dropped lower to stay at the boy's height level.

Jamie looked up to face you again. Maybe he just wanted to make sure it was really you. You just looked back at him and he turned his sight back to your kid.

"But my name is Jamie." "Hi Jamie." Your son sad, once again in the cutest baby voice.

Feeling the need to intervene, you took a step, getting closer to the little boy and therefore, of Jamie too, and ruffled his hair, that was so much like his dad's.

"He likes cops a lot."

Jamie turned his attention to you again and got up, being now almost at the same height level as you. He was evidently taller.

"Hi Y/N."

For a fraction of a second you considered ignoring the interaction and maybe even pretend and say it was a misunderstanding and it wasn't you. But his gaze made your brain stop and you couldn't think of formulating an excuse right that second, so you chose being you, which implied facing this tricky situation.

"Hey." You said blankly.

"Mommy, do you know Jamie?" The (adorable) voice of your son knocked you out of the transe you were in from looking into his eyes and you looked down at Joshua.

"Huh... yes, baby. Mommy knows him."

"He's your son?" Jamie asked for confirmation of his thoughts, which made you looked back up.

"Yes." You simply said, deep down hoping that he would stop the interrogation right there. In order for him to do that, you decide you should distract him, and so you threw in another subject.

"You're a cop?"

He realised the reason of your questioning  and answered.

"Yeah, I... ended up joining the Academy."

"Joined the family business, huh?"

"Guess I did." He said with a shrug of his shoulders and a smile.

"If you're happy, that's all that matters." You said, smiling back at him.

Gosh, you had missed that. That thing between the two of you - the well being it made you feel, the light headed feeling, the smiles, the relaxation.

"How old is he?"

Without giving you the chance to reply, your son said out loud how old he was and showed Jamie three fingers of his. Needless to say he did that with the most adorable voice and the cutest little fingers.

[lesbitchka]

(submission)

I am sending this from a friend’s blog, not my own, because I’m overly anxious and don’t know how submissions work and… if my url was somehow posted with this and the guy I’m talking about found it things wouldn’t be good and I’m jsut too anxious to take that chance on something I don’t know the workings of. I’d appreciate if you had a way to omit my friends url though and answer this anonymously but if you can’t they said it’s okay. I’ll see this because I follow you on my blog. Thank you so much.

So this is a long question and I didn’t want it to get split up because it’s sorta important it’s coherent. Also I’m sorry if it’s not totally relevant, I’m not sure who else I could mention this with.

I recently turned 16, but when this all started, I was 15. I’m also a trans boy. I met a person who identifies as Asexual Demiromantic Gay Trans Demiboy. He was 20. But we were the the same fandom and had a lot of the same ships, so we got to talking and hit it off really well. We became friends outside of fandom pretty quickly. (He actually mostly just won’t talk with me about fandom stuff anymore… like he’ll listen to me but won’t engage on it.)

I came out when I was 12 and started transitioning. My family is really supportive and has helped me tons through everything. I was on testosterone at 14 and was approved for top surgery when I was 15 (and got it a month after my 16th birthday). So, yeah. Really supportive environment.

Needless to say, I find relating to other trans people difficult because I don’t go through a lot of the struggles they do. I used to go to trans social groups in my area but I’d always be singled out if I slipped up in the slightest to give a hint of how supportive my environment was.

I’ve gotten a lot better with this, but a roughly year ago, I wasn’t.

We were talking about attraction one day and I expressed that I would probably only date a cis boy.

And he flipped out.

He had said it was because everyone only liked cis boys. His ex apparently left him for a cis guy. And he said something weird, I don’t remember what.

And then it came out that he liked me, romantically.

Everything has been shit since then because I don’t like him back. I can’t define why, but he always asks and hates on himself, his body and being trans.

I’ve been pressured to give him reasons. I’ve discovered a lot about myself through that. I mean it’s fucked me up a lot, but I’ve come to understand more about my attraction. I’ve tried to explain to him. It’s not because he’s trans. I just don’t like him like that–I’d date a trans boy if I liked him!

But, uh. I also found that I’m probably hypersexual, or, at least, in a relationship, I feel as though I would need to be sexually desired to few valid. So this is obviously a reason I couldn’t date an asexual–asexuality is literally not experiencing sexual attraction. Maybe arousal and all, but not attraction.

I tried to explain this to him recently. And he tried to tell me that’s not how it works. He said he could want me sexually, and then explained that if I bought him strawberry pop tarts he’d hop right into bed with me, if that’s what I wanted. He told me I misunderstood him.

Now he’s constantly fighting with me telling me it isn’t fair. I think he’s trying to convince me I don’t know who I like or not. He’s super important to me, and I feel close to him like I haven’t someone before. But that’s not really special, I have unique attachments to most individuals in my life. I’m also an affectionate person. He tells me I treat him like a boyfriend. I tried to tone down my affection but if I cut it all out it’s just. “Hey!” And he’ll respond with “Hi.” And it’s. Dull and just a couple words, because he won’t talk to me about fandom or anything anymore. Just. How’s your day. I’m going to McDonalds. Etc. and then he gets sad and mad with me.

We obviously have very different views on affection and the likes, but I’ve explained a thousand times I don’t mean anything romantic by it. He just cries and gets mad at me and yells some (we have voice called when this happened).

He keeps asking how I know what i feel for him isn’t romantic attraction.

And he STRICTLY dates trans boys. He hates trans girls with a burning passion, like. If I mention it he flips and goes off. He also hates cis men. (Which I don’t understand, because he loves trans men…?) And he doesn’t hate cis girls but he’s not into them. So, yeah. Only trans boys.

And I just… I don’t know what to do. I don’t understand what it is to be demiromantic. He said it’s taking time to have romantic attraction until you really know someone, but I thought that’s how romantic attraction worked… and also he developed feelings for me in a couple of months, not even half a year, and at that point we mostly talked about cool characters. Nothing deep or emotional or about each other really.

And the whole asexual… but has the capacity to be sexually attracted to me thing, I don’t get that. He says I give him feelings he’s never had before. It’s stressful and I don’t get it and he won’t explain. Is it some part of the MOGAI community, like the concept of “good aces” having sex to make their partner happy…?

I almost feel like he only likes me because I’m a trans guy. It makes me feel fetishized–but like. I’d probably be more comfortable with some cis person expressing their attraction to my transness. Because he seems to think there’s nothing wrong with it at all. And there isn’t, I guess, I mean if you’re only comfy dating trans guys like yourself then I guess you are but? He claims to be demiromantic but “fell” for me so fast and it just makes me really uncomfortable. He focuses on it a lot, too. He still gets mad at me and claims I don’t like him because he doesn’t have a dick, even though I’ve explained countless times that I’ve worked through that and it isn’t about him being trans. I also feel like in his saying “no one wants a trans boy” (about himself apparently) he’s almost… trying to convince me that he’s the only person who will ever want me. But maybe I’m just paranoid? I don’t know…

And then, attraction. I mean… I… think I’d know what romantic attraction feels like. And sexual. Attraction in general. Isn’t it defined by individual? Or is he right? Am I romantically attracted to him and just… don’t understand or something?

I’m afraid that if I ever date he’ll kill himself. If I mention having a crush or even liking the idea of a person who would like, get me daisies, he flips out and won’t speak to me proper and is grumpy for days. He’s said that I’m all he lives for. That he schedules his day around me. That he should just kill himself because he’s “horrible” and I’d be “happier” and he’s “always going to be hung up on a guy (he) can’t have anyways”.

I know he’s genuinely suicidal. But he won’t talk to me about everything else… it only ever comes out if I’m going somewhere with someone who could potentially be a person I might like, or if I comment that there was a cute guy walking down the street or that I like the hair of a boy at school today.

I’m sorry that this is a lot. I didn’t know who to talk to about it–I don’t really have anyone, and a lot of it is based on attraction and asexuality and.. I’ve followed your blog for a while and you’re really knowledgeable and post lots of various resources hat I’ve felt are relevant before. I think I mostly just needed to get this out here… but if you can help me understand anything I’d really appreciate it.

first of all, i’m really glad that you came to me with this. i know it must have taken a lot of courage and you might even feel guilty for doing so - but it’s incredibly important that you reached out

i’m sorry, this is going to be hard to hear, but the best course of action for you and your well-being is to drop that guy and erase him out of your life, asap

now, he’s 20 years old. you’re 16, and were 15 when you met. that is not healthy and is already enough of a red flag (look at this post, and this tag). friendship? sure. there need to be boundaries, but sure. this thing he’s got going on? no way

“I’ve been pressured to give him reasons. I’ve discovered a lot about myself through that. I mean it’s fucked me up a lot, but I’ve come to understand more about my attraction. I’ve tried to explain to him. It’s not because he’s trans. I just don’t like him like that–I’d date a trans boy if I liked him!”

you should not be pressured to give someone reasons for why you won’t date them and the fact that he continues to press the subject just shows that he can’t take “no” for an answer, which also shows a sense of entitlement to other people. another red flag

“He said he could want me sexually, and then explained that if I bought him strawberry pop tarts he’d hop right into bed with me, if that’s what I wanted. He told me I misunderstood him.” 

yeah, no, he’s the one willfully ‘misunderstanding’. it’s not about having sex, but about being wanted sexually. like you said, ace people don’t experience sexual attraction and you’re fully within your rights to not want someone who can’t give you what you need in a relationship. more in this tag

“Now he’s constantly fighting with me telling me it isn’t fair. I think he’s trying to convince me I don’t know who I like or not.”

that’s manipulative and trying to convince you to subscribe to his views and beliefs, no matter how much they contradict yours, to get you to doubt your own perceptions. huge red flag

“He tells me I treat him like a boyfriend.“

again, manipulative. lots of people are affectionate and close with their friends

“I don’t understand what it is to be demiromantic. He said it’s taking time to have romantic attraction until you really know someone, but I thought that’s how romantic attraction worked… and also he developed feelings for me in a couple of months, not even half a year, and at that point we mostly talked“

demiromantic is not in any way a useful label, because everyone experiences attraction differently and saying otherwise suggests that everyone else falls in love at first sight

“And the whole asexual… but has the capacity to be sexually attracted to me thing, I don’t get that. He says I give him feelings he’s never had before. It’s stressful and I don’t get it and he won’t explain. Is it some part of the MOGAI community, like the concept of “good aces” having sex to make their partner happy…?”

i linked the sex positive ace tag above; if he’s ace it’s unhealthy for the both of you to have sex. again, it feels more like he’s trying to manipulate you into dating him (the whole “i’ve never felt like this before” thing) - another red flag

“He still gets mad at me and claims I don’t like him because he doesn’t have a dick, even though I’ve explained countless times that I’ve worked through that and it isn’t about him being trans. I also feel like in his saying “no one wants a trans boy” (about himself apparently) he’s almost… trying to convince me that he’s the only person who will ever want me. But maybe I’m just paranoid? I don’t know…”

he’s willfully ignoring what you’re saying, again, in favour of trying to guilt you into dating him. with what i know of him so far, i’m pretty sure he is playing the “no one else will date you” angle - not only is that not true, but it’s another huge red flag

“Or is he right? Am I romantically attracted to him and just… don’t understand or something?“

no, he’s not right, but he’s been working you and guilt tripping you long enough to make you doubt yourself  

“I’m afraid that if I ever date he’ll kill himself. If I mention having a crush or even liking the idea of a person who would like, get me daisies, he flips out and won’t speak to me proper and is grumpy for days. He’s said that I’m all he lives for. That he schedules his day around me. That he should just kill himself because he’s “horrible” and I’d be “happier” and he’s “always going to be hung up on a guy (he) can’t have anyways”.

I know he’s genuinely suicidal. But he won’t talk to me about everything else… it only ever comes out if I’m going somewhere with someone who could potentially be a person I might like, or if I comment that there was a cute guy walking down the street or that I like the hair of a boy at school today.”

he might be suicidal, he might not, but the fact that it only ever comes up when you mention the prospect of being interested in someone - again - shows that he’s manipulating and guilting you into cutting off other people and just going for him instead. huge, huge red flag

i know it’s hard to let go of someone you care about and who you’ve known for so long, especially when they keep threatening suicide whenever you hint at relationships with other people and you think you’re responsible for their mental well-being - but this is not healthy and the sooner you cut him out of your life, the better

you don’t owe him anything. not a relationship, not even a friendship, and you certainly don’t have to and should not stick around just because he’s guilted you into worrying what he might do if you try to leave. he’s not your responsibility, not to mention he’s a grown fucking adult who should know better than to pull any of this on a minor

the best thing you can do is to block him, change urls and move on. you don’t owe him any explanations, and trying to have a conversation about you needing to get away from him would undoubtedly turn ugly, with yet more guilt tripping you to stay. that will make it even harder to leave and he will be on the lookout for any following signs of you trying to get away

im here for you if you need someone to talk to and please do message me to let me know you’re safe