#now dont mind me im taking a break from fic writing for the next few days /j

[distant-velleity]

Gift-Giving

Summary: Floyd gives Yu a gift. It does not go unnoticed. Word Count: 3.2k Warnings: none! :) A/N: Merry early Christmas, everyone... I present to you the longest fic I've written in the past few months and it's self-shipping nonsense. And it doesn't even take place around Christmas...💀💀 Welp. No beta, we die like men. Enjoy!

—

Like all things do, it starts with Floyd approaching Yu right before class.

—It’s a relatively quiet, warm morning that day as Yu heads to the alchemy lab, his freshly-washed lab coat folded and draped over one arm. He’s yet to run into any brawling students or scratched egos, or any disruptiveness in general. It’s a wonderful balm on his drained mind, and there have been no interruptions to this lovely morning yet.

Keyword: yet.

Yu is just thinking, Wow, this is really nice, when an all-too familiar voice sings out to him:

“Li’l Kooooiii~”

He looks back over his shoulder to see none other than Floyd approaching. The merman has forgone wearing his blazer entirely (both since it’s warm and because, right, doesn’t his class have Alchemy first today?) and is down to just his vest and shirt. For some reason, his arms are folded behind his back. 

Yu squints at him suspiciously. “…Good morning, Floyd.”

“Mornin’,” Floyd replies happily, shoulders wiggling a little as his hands fidget behind him. “It’s nice and warm out today~ must be nice for all the little fishies.”

“Uh-huh. What do you have behind your back?” 

Floyd blinks, as if he wasn’t actually expecting Yu to cut straight to the chase. “Eh? Well… Nothing… What’s up with you?” He shifts his weight from one leg to another.

“That’s… not what I…” Yu trails off. Something feels really off. “…okay, then.”

He wonders what it could be. Is it Floyd’s outfit? No, that sort of unorthodox fashion is pretty much par for the course. His posture and body language? Well, he does seem a little more nervous… but that’s probably not it. Is it?

“…Hey, Li’l Koi,” says Floyd all of a sudden, shifting his weight again. It looks a little like he’s chewing the inside of his cheek.

Yu tilts his head. “Yeah?”

“Close your eyes for a sec.”

“Uh…” There’s about two seconds in which he internally debates with himself before replying with an “okay” and closing his eyes.

With the world absent for a moment and his other senses heightened, Yu hears Floyd approach and his clothes rustle as he moves his arms. There’s a faint jingle—jewelry?—and then a little pinch through the neglected pierced hole in his ear. An… an earring, maybe?

“Done?” Yu asks when he feels like enough time has passed.

Floyd hums his affirmation with no small amount of satisfaction, so Yu takes that as a good sign and opens his eyes. The eel mer is beaming down at him, reaching out to hold Yu’s hair where he put on the presumed earring. 

“Cool. Now, let’s get to class; I can’t be late as the TA, you know…” Yu frowns half-heartedly. “And there’s no need to play with my hair.”

It’s tempting to pout and complain more about it, since he was going to feel for himself what the thing was, but he supposes it’s not that big of a deal. It’s probably hidden by his hair, so no one will question it, hopefully. And then he can go back to his dorm later and check for himself in the mirror.

“Okay~” Floyd cheerfully replies, sounding even more bubbly and ecstatic than usual. He then proceeds to mess with Yu’s hair all the way to the lab, much to the TA’s exasperation. 

—

People do, in fact, end up noticing.

—

1-B is the class that follows 2-D that day. 

During a pause when the students have to wait for their potions to settle in the vials, Yu stands by Jack and Epel’s station. Between the two of them, their potion-making seems to be going along well and their sample is starting to resemble the textbook example, so he sees no harm in idly chatting with them.

That is, until—

“By the way…” Jack looks down at Yu. “Where’d that earring come from?”

“What earring?” It takes Yu an embarrassingly long few seconds to remember, and he reaches up to feel it. “Oh. Oh! Well—Floyd gave it to me this morning. I’d honestly forgotten I was wearing it, it feels so normal…”

Epel squints to notice it. “Wow, Jack, you noticed that? I can barely see it past his hair—...wait a minute.”

Jack seems to share the same sentiment as Epel, whatever it is, because his ears twitch straight upwards and he holds up a hand. “Back up for a second. Floyd gave it to you?”

“The temperamental, violent Floyd?” Epel adds.

Yu frowns a little. “Uhh… I don’t know any other guys named Floyd. And he was being super nice today, if a bit nervous. Is there something wrong with that?”

“Everything,” the two reply in unison without missing a beat.

“Aren’t you two prejudiced? It’s just an earring,” Yu says, crossing his arms. “I still don’t know why he just gave it to me all of a sudden, but I don’t think he’s the type to scheme for the long run, so it’s probably not anything meant to kill me or something.”

Epel furrows his brows. “Well—yeah…”

“Still, that’s kind of unexpected,” Jack remarks, ears relaxing somewhat. “Keep your guard up, okay? Since you don’t know what he intended with it.” When the other two give him a look, he huffs. “I’m just saying that so you don’t end up roped into a deal of some kind! It’s not like I’m that worried about you.”

Yu smirks, knowing better, but Crewel stands up and calls out instructions for the class to continue before he can respond properly.

—

“Thank you for letting me borrow the lab,” Chrysos says politely to Crewel as he walks in, shrugging on his lab coat. 

Crewel huffs in approval, looking pleased at the freshman’s punctuality and neatness. “Good, hardworking boys should be rewarded for their performance in class. Just make sure to start cleaning up ten minutes before your free period ends. Now, I have business to attend to—I’ll leave you in here with Yu, he’ll lock up when you’re done.” With a billowing flourish of his coat, he steps out.

Yu finally looks over from the ingredient shelves then, spotting Chrysos and waving to him. “Yo. What are you making?”

“Nothing much.” Chrysos makes a beeline for the higher-level ingredients, only sparing Yu a passing glance on his way by. “Azul gave me a recipe I wanted… to try…” He trails off all of a sudden and whips his head back around to look at Yu.

“Is something wrong?” Yu asks, because he doesn’t think he’s committed any serious offenses against Octavinelle recently. He’s pretty sure, at least.

Chrysos doesn’t say anything, just steps closer to the TA and narrows his eyes. He then moves to get a look at him from the side, which is when his expression morphs into one vaguely resembling horror. “Wait. Don’t tell me…”

“What is it?”

But he goes ignored. 

“No wonder his earring was missing a scale,” Chrysos mumbles to himself, almost completely inaudible. His usually flat tone is full of disbelief. “I didn’t think he’d ever settle down like that, but—or he could just be playing around—”

Yu waves a hand in his face. “Uh, Twisted Wonderland to Chrysos?”

“Ah—” Chrysos blinks, caught off-guard for once with his eyes wide, but quickly schools his expression back to its normal stoicness. “Forgive me. It’s just… that earring is new, isn’t it?”

“Oh, this?” Yu asks, reaching up to feel the dangling earring in question. “Yeah. Floyd gave it to me this morning.”

That must have been the wrong thing to say, because somehow Chrysos goes even paler than he already is. “I… see.” He steps back and returns to looking for ingredients, although there is an unmistakably conflicted aura about him.

Chrysos pointedly avoids making eye contact with Yu for the rest of the period.

—

After grabbing his lunch, Yu finds his usual table and sits down, ready to just eat up and not think for a while. The cafeteria is loud, as per usual, so he almost doesn’t notice his friends until they place down their trays and slide ungracefully into the seats across from him.

Deuce nods to him. “Hey.”

“What’s up, Yu?” Ace asks with his usual grin. 

Yu daps him up from across the table out of habit. “Not much,” he replies, opting to not talk about the sore subject for Ace that is Chrysos. “How did your classes go today, you two? No fights?”

“No fights,” Deuce confirms proudly. “It’s been a good day so far.”

Ace raises an eyebrow at him. “For you? Yeah, right. Anyway—” Before an argument can start, he narrows his eyes at Yu to change the subject. “I saw it on the way here, but is that an earring you’re wearing? The locket is one thing, y’know, but I didn’t take you as a jewelry kind of person.”

“You’d be surprised,” says Yu dryly. “And you’re the third person to ask me about this today, excluding Crewel giving me the bombastic side-eye. Seriously—” 

He’s cut off by Deuce leaning diagonally over the table to get a look. The card soldier purses his lips. “Hey, doesn’t that look kind of familiar to you? The design, I mean.”

“Yeah… Yeah, you’re right,” Ace realizes, “Where’ve I seen that before…?”

The two squint and observe Yu for a few moments, creating a very awkward bubble of silence. Yu is tempted to reach over and clap in their faces. Instead, he just tries to say, “Guys—”

“It’s part of Floyd’s earring, isn’t it?” There’s a pause as Ace brings a hand to his chin. “Or Jade’s…”

“Stop fucking interrupting me,” Yu demands, reaching over and flicking Ace on the forehead. It elicits a disproportionately loud yelp. “Yeah, Floyd gave it to me. Now that I think about it, it does feel like a scale… Anyway, as I’ve said, you’re the third person to ask me about it today, and more than the third person I’ve had to explain it to, so calm down. Please.”

“He actually gave you something?” Deuce asks like he didn’t hear that last part to calm down, eyes wide. “Do you know why? Or if it’s, uh, cursed or anything?”

“He could also be trying to take advantage of you by making you owe him,” is Ace’s contribution. “If I were you, I wouldn’t wear it.”

Yu rolls his eyes. “You guys are just repeating what Jack and Epel said. I’m sure it’s fine, he was kind of nervous when he gave it to me, so I’m gonna assume it’s nothing actually harmful. If that makes sense. And, nothing has happened so far, so I’m gonna keep wearing it.”

“Yu…” Deuce looks at him with obvious concern in his eyes. “Are you really, actually sure? If you get into any trouble, you know you can call on us, right?”

“Yeah, what he said. Unless we have to actually fight Floyd…”

“Guys, seriously, it’s fine.” Seeing their faces, though, Yu hesitates. “...Fine, I’ll keep it in mind. But I’m still not taking this earring off just because you think it’s cursed or something.”

Ace snorts and starts digging into his food. “Worth a shot. I’m gonna get to say the most satisfying ‘I told you so’ of my life soon.”

Yu flicks him again. “In your dreams.”

—

The subtropical zone of the botanical garden is always unpleasantly humid. Yu rolls up his sleeves as he walks, looking around for the plants Crewel told him to collect for the next day’s classes. 

It’s through pure luck alone that he manages to stop himself right before stepping on an unmistakable tail, spotting it stretched out onto the pathway from the grass. He stares down at it for a moment, two moments, and then looks over to where a nearby tree covers the grass in comfortable shade. And, of course, a certain someone is lounging in that very shade.

“Leona,” he mutters under his breath, carefully stepping over the lion’s tail. “Aren’t you supposed to be in class right now?”

The grass rustles beneath Leona as he sits up, grumbling to himself. “How’s that any of your business?”

“Because you’re here instead, leaving your tail on the path. Again.”

“You didn’t step on it, right?” Leona yawns, not even bothering to cover it with his hand. “I don’t see the problem then.”

Yu raises an eyebrow at him, before deciding that this is hardly worth his time. He turns away, about to go back to the task he came here to finish—

“Hold it. One of the eels gave you that earring, didn’t they?”

For fuck’s sake.

“No, I beat them up and took it by force,” is Yu’s sarcastic response. At Leona’s unimpressed look, he rolls his eyes. “Of course Floyd gave it to me.”

“And you’re not making a big deal of it?” Leona asks, something akin to amusement starting to seep into his voice.

Yu shakes his head. “Everyone else is. Am I supposed to?” 

There’s a long pause in which Leona stares at him, grass-green eyes and slit feline pupils observing him from the shade. If looks could kill… Well, Yu wouldn’t be dead yet, but he doesn’t quite like the pressure that comes with being watched by this guy.

“You really don’t know, huh,” Leona comments finally, lips curling up into a smug smirk. 

“No…?” Yu narrows his eyes at him. “Whatever happened to ‘minding one’s own business’?”

“Guess I won’t tell ya what it means, then. I’ll let that moody eel do it himself.”

“Wait—”

Leona lies back down, rolls over onto his side so his back is to Yu, and falls right back asleep. As if out of spite, he snores exceptionally loudly, like an unspoken middle finger. 

—

After school, Yu is working on his homework in a corner of the lab—Crewel always insists that even someone in his position, a non-student at a secondary school, shouldn’t forget to study too—when the door opens. Azul and Jade peek in.

“Professor Crewel?” Azul calls out.

“Oh—” Yu sets down his pencil and stands up. “He’s not here right now, he’s getting something. Do you need something? Though, I thought neither of you have him until tomorrow…”

The two Octavinelle students turn to look at him. 

As per usual, Yu and Azul lock eyes—however, rather than glance away as he normally does, Azul stares at the TA oddly for a few moments. Jade is equally silent, a hand brought up to his chin.

Yu tilts his head a bit. “Uh, guys…?”

Jade is the first to shake out of his stupor, mouth curling in a smile. “My apologies. It’s just, your earring…” He chuckles into his gloved hand, not mocking or pitying but a secret third thing.

Oh, right. Yu had almost forgotten about it once classes were dismissed and people stopped bothering him about it. Only for it to be noticed yet again, he thinks with no small amount of irritation and embarrassment. And by the two closest to Floyd, at that.

“It’s about time you two got on my case about it. So many people have asked me about it today,” Yu grumbles, sitting back down and self-consciously rubbing the singular scale attachment between his thumb and index finger. “Floyd gave it to me and didn’t elaborate.”

Azul, finally tethered to reality again, coughs into a fist. “Yes, well—that… was to be expected, he probably doesn’t feel like explaining himself yet. Though he meant no harm with that gift, I assure you.”

“Yes. Absolutely none at all,” Jade echoes, his smirk somehow growing. A little part of Yu dies inside when he notices the eel is totally getting a kick out of this situation. “In fact, I would argue it’s the complete opposite. You see, under the sea, we often give gifts to those whom we like—”

“That’s enough from you.” One of Azul’s hands not-so-subtly reaches up for Jade’s shoulder to steer him away while the other rubs at his temple. “Seriously, you and Floyd are both far too giddy about this… Anyway, thank you for your time, Yu,” he says, so politely it seems a little awkward. “If the professor isn’t here, I may as well ask him our question tomorrow. See you later.”

The two leave as abruptly as they popped in, Jade still chuckling when he walks out the door.

Just leaving me alone to process that? is all Yu can think, still reeling. Rude.

—

If any Octavinelle students have questions or concerns about the way that Yu storms into the Mostro Lounge, they know better than to voice them. Instead, they simply clear a path for him and go about their evening, quietly turning a blind eye to the way he marches right up to Floyd.

It’s answers he wants, and answers he intends to get. 

“About those earrings,” Yu begins, “what did you—”

“Li’l Koi, you’re wearing your dorm uniform again!” Floyd cheers, shoving his serving trays onto some poor fool and lifting Yu up into the air by the waist. The TA, in a panic, has to grab onto Floyd’s shoulders to stabilize himself. “It looks really good with the gift I gave you, doesn’t it~?” 

“Y—” There’s a moment where Yu almost tips over and he tenses up in a panic, noticing how far away he is from the ground, but he relaxes with the feeble hope that he won’t be suddenly dropped. “Yeah, I guess… The sturgeon scale does pair nicely with the patterns on my clothes… Ah, but that’s not the point.”

Floyd beams. “Uh-huh? Should I fight another merman and get you some different scales, then? Oh, but teeth would be way cooler…!”

“Uhh, not right now,” Yu answers, trying and failing to ignore the way Floyd lights up even more at not being straight-up rejected. “I, um, wanted to ask you about why you gave me the earring. It was a part of yours, right? One of the scales from when you got into that fight.”

“Yeah.” Tellingly, Floyd averts his gaze for just a moment too long. “It was ‘cause I wanted to. I just wanted to give something to ya.” The way he lamely finishes it suggests it’s definitely not the whole reason, and Floyd himself knows it.

“Yeah, but…” 

Yu’s mouth feels dry; he knows what he wants to ask, sort of, but can’t bring himself to say it. Even though it’s just them around. Something he heard a while back pops into his mind—eels are cowards—and it sure shows with the way Floyd decided to go about this. If he even meant it like that. 

It somehow feels like he’s the bigger coward, though—

Floyd gives Yu’s sides a gentle squeeze. “Stop thinking about it so hard,” he complains lightheartedly. “I’m gonna shower you with gifts, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”

“Huh?” Heat floods Yu’s cheeks. “Wait, that won’t be necessary!”

“Too late! I’ve already made up my mind,” declares Floyd. “I wanna see you make more interesting faces like that, so be ready to accept a tooooon of gifts, ‘kay?”

“Oh—oh, okay,” Yu says quickly, as if speed will hide how flustered he is (it, in fact, does the exact opposite). Besides, receiving a lot of silly yet thoughtful gifts doesn’t exactly sound like a bad thing—

“Cool.” There’s an almost giddy energy to the way Floyd sets him down and then immediately takes his hand. Yu can actually feel him trembling a little from excitement. “I’ve got some stuff in my room I was saving up to give you, so let’s go.”

Yu blinks, and suddenly he’s being tugged along down the hall while trying to keep up with the pace of Floyd’s long legs. “Now? Wait, Floyd…!”

[no-droids]

Another Rough Day

gif credit @chrishemsworht

Part Twenty of the Rough Day Series

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 13.7K

Warnings: Angst, violence, canon-typical blood and gore, language, hurt/comfort

A/N: i wanna thank yall for sticking around during my hermit era, in the time ive been gone i am now officially a junior at a university majoring in aerospace and it’s a fuckin nightmare and i hate everything and god help us all literally kill me and I will be posting INCREDIBLY slowly because of that (I’m talkin weeks or months in between updates yall, im sorry I can’t dedicate more time to this but I am going to finish this fic within the next handful of chapters idk maybe 5 or 6 so you shouldn’t have to wait too too long).  As a heads up there will be hard angst as we enter the final arc, there will be hurt and it’ll get dark but everything is gonna turn out alright so thanks for sticking with me and continuing to stick with me. im sorry if you dont like it or your expectations were subverted or if this isn’t what you’d hoped it would be after following and waiting around for so long but this was planned a long time ago and it took me a good year or two to recognize that I started writing this fic for me and now I’m going to end it writing for me and I hope yall can respect that

ALSO I asked my best BEST FRIEND in the entire world @cptnbvcks to collaborate with me for this after we both took a very long break from creating and she drew some GORGEOUS artwork for this chapter so it will be posted at the end, everyone please go follow her and say hello

ps brittany girl you’re a fuckin menace i had to use my own two ears and listen to ethan literally say the words “the mandalorian cums, hard” what the fuck was that im actually suing

anyways chapter below the cut lets get serious yall

---

You take two of them down before they even realize they’re being attacked.

Your aim is as swift and steady as if Din were behind your shoulder right now, calmly pointing out which stationary tree to hit next in rapid succession.  You’re positioned perfectly at the bottom of the ramp to take full advantage of the ambush, the only thing running through your mind is strategy and the constant calculating of angles and ricochets.  The other three troopers are trapped inside the open Crest and you’re right next to a large boulder that you can step behind for cover, but it proves unnecessary as the rumors were apparently true.

They’re… awful.

Not a single blaster is even fired in your direction—you think you see maybe one panicked red shot bounce around in the hull, but that’s it.  The troopers fumble for their guns and trip over each other at the unexpected attack—a few scream like children through the modulators, but you’re temporarily deaf to anything besides the screech of your weapon hitting its target and the crumpling of armored bodies.

Later on, if someone were to ask you to describe exactly what happened—who died first, who ran for cover, who cried out for help—you don’t think you’d be able to.  You don’t even really feel like a person right now.  The entire thing is cold, robotic survival instinct, pure ruthlessness rising in your soul for the first time in your life.  It feels sick.  Wrong in your bones.  Born from preemptive defense in fear of your life, but that doesn’t mean you stop.  Not until all of them stop moving.

You empty the entire fucking canister for a handful of stormtroopers, firing plasma and char marks across every square inch of the pristine hull even after the last one drops.  Your heart is beating too fast, your finger keeps pulling the trigger multiple times even after the blaster clicks uselessly, completely empty and beeping a warning that it must’ve begun emitting ages ago.  Being out of ammo scares you—you suddenly feel vulnerable, even though the very far away logical part of your mind reminds you that they have to all be dead at this point and no physical threat was ever able to graze you.

Regardless, you quickly spin behind the boulder and grab another canister from your belt, giving it a spare check for leaks while the empty one slides and drops to the rocky ground.  It’s the first time you’ve ever had to reload this weapon instead of just pointing and shooting, but the mechanics are relatively simple and your brain makes up for your lack of coherent thoughts with lightning fast perception.  What's difficult is that your hands are starting to shake now that you’re not aiming, you’re not breathing correctly because you’re not really breathing at all.  You can’t tell the difference between the adrenaline-fueled dissociative silence that muffles everything around you or if it really is just that quiet now.  No more clatter of armor, no modulated voices or terrified screams.  No blasters, no footsteps along the ramp, no birds singing.

You quickly pause to lift your elbow and check the enormous eyes blinking up at you, tiny claws still holding tight to the fabric of your tunic and completely unharmed, and then you force yourself to move.  The blaster is held out in front of you while you walk forward and your finger rests on the trigger, begging to be pulled again.  It’s suspenseful and terrifying in a different way than before—now it’s less about psyching yourself up for confrontation and more about the fact that any sudden movement could mean your very swift end.

Silence.  Silence.  You’re numb and raw at the same time, walking up the ramp as your eyes fly everywhere, not even registering the blood or gore, just searching for movement.  You don’t know if you feel like a predator or prey, you’re that much more brutal and inhuman because of how fucking terrified you are.  You count four stormtroopers in the hull laying crumpled and still on the metal floor, but the one in the far corner only has blood on his shoulder.  You quickly swing the blaster around to remedy that, but then—

“P-Please don’t kill me!”

His words remind you of something.  Reality, maybe.  A world outside yourself and the kid’s survival, the living beings behind the bloody armor your enemies wear.

It’s a miracle your finger stays hovering over the trigger, and you watch him throw the blaster at your feet with a clang and scramble to show you his empty hands.  “Please don’t kill me, please don’t kill me—I’m not loyal to the Empire, I don’t want to be here, please, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die—”

Behind the mask, your expression furrows.  Stormtroopers are loyal to the bitter end, what is he saying?  They embrace their expendiality, it’s the only thing that makes them any sort of a real threat.  Kuiil told you horror stories about them during your childhood, the cloning facilities and the propaganda they’re force fed since infancy.  It’s nearly impossible to find one who hasn’t been raised from birth to serve the Empire, no matter how crumbled and trace its remaining authority may be.

No, this is a trap, it has to be.  Your expression twists with dread after hearing him speak, readjusting your aim with the blaster and preparing yourself for the years of nightmares that’ll follow—but then he cries out, “Wait!” and then removes his helmet with trembling hands.

You pause, staring down at him in shock.

It’s him, you recognize him immediately.  It’s the same face from a hologram puck you bore into your memory, spent multiple days staring at so you’d be able to spot him under any disguise or circumstances.  Oshua Ryler.  Your quarry, the fifth puck, the one Din was out Maker knows where searching for before this entire mess happened.  A stormtrooper?  His puck said nothing about the Empire, this doesn’t make any sense.  What is he doing here?  Stormtroopers don’t have pucks, they don’t have bounties or relatives or loved ones searching for them.  They’re brainwashed, replaceable, faceless soldiers in suits of armor and they don’t even have names.

“Please don’t kill me,” he begs again, staring at you with wide eyes even as he cowers.  “I have a family, I-I just want to go home, please—”

“Shut up.”  You can’t think straight with him crying like that and you’re wasting so much time just standing here trying to process when your brain had to literally shut itself down to even do the things you’ve already done.  You have to kill him and escape, you have to—you can’t trust this complication, not with the tiny claws currently digging into your back and reminding you of your purpose, but it was so much easier when he had on a helmet.  You hate looking at his face.  It’s going to haunt your dreams now, just like the man you stabbed on Corellia.

“Please don’t kill me—please don’t kill me,” he screws his eyes up and breathes over and over instead, and your stomach wrenches with disgust.  His posture and expression are so fucking pitiful, you can barely keep your eyes on him through the overwhelming nausea and aversion that climbs up your throat.  He’s with the Empire, and they’re looking for the baby.  You know what needs to be done.  Pull the trigger, just one small movement from you and it’ll be all over.  It would be the easiest thing in the world, it would be so easy.

But then instead, you ask, “Why are you a stormtrooper?”

“I’m n-not—I hate the Empire—”

“The Empire is ashes.”  You don’t know if you’re yelling or whispering with how much blood is roaring through your ears.  “They hold no power anymore.  Why are you with them?”

“Because the one thing they have left is money!”  The quarry shrills the words at you, ghostly pale to the point of turning green.  “Th-They buy troopers now—they opened up a whole new market for the smugglers, there’s a base nearby that’s used for training and…”  He stares wide eyed at you and gulps.  “C-Conditioning.”

Your brain is already going a trillion lightyears an hour and it doesn’t have the capacity to empathize or understand anything beyond the child’s survival and the relevant details right now.  “Were they expecting the baby?”

“W-What?”  He squeaks up at you.

“Was the bounty put out on you a trap set by the Empire?”  You ask him, lifting your free arm just enough to flash him the tiny child clinging to your side.  “He said they’re coming after the baby, so tell me if this was planned from the beginning.”

“Who is ‘he’?”  The stormtrooper asks, furrowing his eyebrows and looking around.  “What are you talki—”

“Tell me if the bounty on you was a trap to take this baby!”  You roar, your blaster shaking as you aim it down at him.  Your mind is acutely focused on the tiny claws hanging onto your tunic, the continued safety of the kid and the life or death situation facing him that you were given absolutely no information about.  “Now—”

“If it was I didn’t know!”  He quickly cries out, pleading with you and clamping his eyes shut in terror under the barrel sight.  “I don’t know anything about a b-baby, or a bounty!  They just put blasters in our hands and told us to search for a ship and to bring back anyone we find alive, I swear!”

You’re silent for a moment, biting your lip under the mask and caught halfway between discerning and stalling.  You could still kill him.  You should still kill him, time is ticking down and more troopers could be heading this way any second.

Shit.  “Who put the bounty out on you?”  You ask sharply.  It might not be a completely fair question, but he can’t exactly blame you for not feeling completely fair right now.

“I—I don’t know,” he gasps, clutching his bleeding shoulder.  “Could’ve been anyone—my mother, Cyra, o-or my dad, Obediah, or Thia, or Benja, or S—”

“Thia,” you interrupt his rambling, catching the slurred word and repeating it back to him.

“Yes!”  Oshua jerks his head up, tears and hope immediately filling his eyes at the sound of her name, “Yes, Thiadura Celi Ryler, that’s my sister!”

Maker, if he’s lying, then he’s fucking brilliant at it.  You look towards the cockpit of the ship, biting your lip under the mask.  Get to Nevarro, tell Karga and he’ll… something.  Din was cut off before he finished.  Help?  Know what to do?  You’re lost, but you have a clear directive and the precious seconds are sliding by.  The controls are right up there, two steps to the ladder and less than a minute until you’re rising into the atmosphere.

But then you think back to the terror in Din’s voice.  The blistering panic that made him speak faster and with more urgency than you’ve ever heard from him.  Get to Nevarro.  Tell Karga.  Get to Nevarro.  Tell Karga.

You look back at the quarry.  “How many of you are there?”

“At the base?  Around three hundred,” he immediately spills.  “Half of us are in the hole right now getting brainwashed, they do it in shifts, but they can be mobilized in a few hours.  There were a lot of bodies outside when we were ordered to split off, maybe a third of our squadron, but the rest were still shooting at whatever was—”

“So around a hundred left,”  You finish breathlessly, almost wanting him to speak faster and cut to the chase so you can calculate quicker.  “How many were dispatched on the search?”

“Uh, there were eight groups of five sent in each major direction,” he informs you, still trembling on the ground.  “Told us not to come back until we covered the entire sector.”

Of which, four you’ve already taken care of.  In other circumstances, you’d be nauseated at the thought, but right now, it’s just another number to subtract, just more panicked math in Din’s frightening absence.  That leaves at least sixty troopers left wherever the base is, minimum, and likely a couple more hours before they’ve combed the sector.  If this wasn’t a preconceived trap purposefully set for the kid, then that means reinforcements haven’t arrived yet but likely will soon.  And if this is a base meant for training and conditioning, then that also means there’s a chance not all of them will be loyal yet.

You make the decision immediately.

“Okay,” you announce, clicking the blaster’s safety switch and holstering it, sounding lightyears more certain than you feel.  “Then you’re going to help me carry out a rescue mission, and I’ll take you back to your sister.”

“You…”  He looks uncertain, blinking at your blaster and slowly lowering his hands.  “You want to rescue the men?”

Ideally?  Sure.  Realistically?  You don’t say anything in response.  Instead, you kick his regulation firearm at your feet further away from the quarry just in case your judgment is flawed, and then turn around and grab one of the bodies behind you.

Your adrenaline is still blaring so fast that you only just barely note the severity of what you’ve just done and what you’re continuing to do.  The corpses aren’t real to you right now, they’re inanimate things that you need out of your ship before you can close the doors to it.  They are, however, heavy as fuck, but the only other adult here has a wound in his arm from the gun on your hip.  Regardless, you have experience with lifting dead weight without a big, strong, capable man to do it for you.

“Help me out here, kid,” you mutter over your shoulder, and in response, you feel his claws dig in and climb up just a little bit until he can peek out in front of you.  Thankfully, the burden is suddenly lifted and you can quickly slide the dead troopers down the ramp with ease.  It takes hardly any time at all—you just yank and haul and release and all four of them tumble the rest of the way all by themselves.

When you stand back up, Oshua hasn’t moved and he’s looking at you with a pale, queasy expression.  Glancing down, you see that your white robe is now stained with streaks and patches of rusty blood.  Instead of swallowing back bile at the sight and bolting to the shower to scrub off every last remaining trace, you breeze past it, noting nothing more than a change of color.  Dirtying your white, pristine clothing with the consequences of protecting this baby—you’d rather have blood-soaked fabric with an unharmed kid clinging to you than any other combination of those things.

“Can you make it up to the cockpit?”  You ask the quarry, kicking his rifle off the ship before closing the ramp and then gesturing up the ladder.  Your voice is calm and steady but your hands are beginning to shake again.  “I need as much information as possible about the base.”  You know that’s where Din is, judging from the wall of blaster screeches that drowned him out through the comm.  Logically, you know you could be headed right into a trap, and every instinct inside you wants to find safety, but… you just cannot imagine flying the ship away from this planet without Din onboard.  It isn’t fucking happening, you’ve made your choice.

Without waiting for a response, you climb the ladder and plop down in the pilot’s seat of the Crest.  While Oshua finds some way to clamber up the steps behind you in bulky stormtrooper armor with one good arm, you hold the kid closer on your lap and begin flight checking.  Din will be fucking furious, but the scolding you’ll be sure to get is the least of your worries right now.  Following his instructions and going back to Nevarro is just making shit infinitely more dangerous for him, turning what could be a potential rescue mission into an undeniable suicide mission.  Even if Karga somehow decides to send a few guild members along to infiltrate the base, it’ll be a war you want to avoid.

Besides.  What did you always tell him about running away from him, even when he instructs you to?

It’s just… not really your thing.

---

They’re everywhere.

They crawl like flies out of the base, and for every single body that falls, three more spill from the open doors.  Rapid fire plasma beams launch from the end of Din’s blaster, melting white armor with every twitch of his gloved finger.  Their aim is terrible, as is to be expected, but the sheer number of them more than makes up for it, as is by design.

Din’s heart pounds with exertion, his breath comes in ragged huffs through the modulator as his helmet identifies and isolates which body is closest to him, which body he needs to bring down next.  His blaster is so hot it nearly burns his hand, even through the thick gloves he wears.  When he runs out of ammo, he holsters the pistol and swings his rifle from around his shoulder, spinning to catch a handful of troopers behind him in the obliterating blast.

He’s not thinking much.  He can’t think, even though your safety and that of his son is currently dangling by a thread.  If he focuses on that, he’ll be dead before he can even picture your faces.  He just reacts, he maims and kills without a single thought in his mind.  Blood splatters, screams and sirens blare as he becomes surrounded by more and more troopers.  Din can hear the sound of plasma colliding and ricocheting off his armor; every single one of them is a potential injury he could currently have but might not even be able to feel right now.

His helmet starts beeping rapidly and he turns just enough to see, highlighted in bright red on the screen, two enormous artillery turrets slowly rising up out of the roof of the imperial base.  He feels a fierce flash of anger burn in his chest, it’s like a lightning strike to his veins.

Din needs to go.

And yet… if he was another man.  If he wasn’t a father, or a husband, if he had no family and no attachments like the creed declared he should, he would go.  With just a twitch of his fingers, he could be launching into the sky and retreating as far away from this battlefield as he could reasonably get.  He’s never been the type to run from a threat, but this isn’t just a threat.  Dozens of troopers are gaining on him, they’re trampling their own dead to get within range.  Plasma pings off his shoulder, another one hits his back as they flank from behind.  He can feel the heat through the sizzling beskar, he can see them surrounding him on all sides, and the propulsion trigger for his jetpack is right there under his wrist.

Din holds his ground and continues firing, he plants his feet firmly to the dirt with only one thought in his mind.

Run, sweet girl.  Run.

---

You type in commands to scan for Din’s signal, quickly locating it through the Crest’s computer onboard.  Not far from here, three minutes or less.  The ship rumbles to life beneath you, slowly lifting off the rocky ground and rotating in place as it hovers.  It’s not on autopilot but you feel like you are, you can barely feel your hands as they move the yoke forward and the Crest takes off in the direction of Din’s blinking frequency.

“Tell me about defenses,” you instruct Oshua, restlessly bouncing your leg while the baby coos.

“Two plasma turrets on top of the base,” the quarry quickly answers.  “There’s usually guards stationed around the perimeter, but everyone who’s capable will be outside right now.”

Your mouth twists downwards under the mask.  Blasters don’t scare you much from this high up, but Din’s armor doesn’t cover every inch of his body, he’s not completely invincible.  Doubt churns in your stomach, but you have to stay focused on one task at a time so you don’t get overwhelmed.  The turrets, then.  “Are they automatic?”

“Manual,” he corrects with a shake of his head.

“Radar?”

“Old.  Only engages above fifty meters.”

You eye your altitude and dip the Crest considerably, beginning to weave through the rocky canyons and dodging crumbling cliffs while you travel.  “What about ships?”

“None,” Oshua says, “except for a passenger shuttle used for transport.  TIEs are flown in the Vesta sector, this base is remote and used for basic training only.”

“Anything else?”  You ask, stomach twisting with the knowledge that barely four questions is all you’ve got.  You’re planning to drop into an imperial base to save the man you love and you can’t think of a single other question?  

The quarry shrugs, and your heart slams, does somersaults in your chest at the mere notion that you could fucking die here.  Today, in two minutes or less, you could die here.  The child in your lap looking over the ship’s front panel with a quiet determination in his eyes could die here.  Din could already be dead—that signal broadcasts his location to this computer regardless of whether he’s still breathing or not.  He could already be gone and you’d be flying the baby right into a trap without knowing any differently.

Whelp, you think while taking a deep breath, some strangely calm existential acceptance beginning to flood your soul.  If he isn’t dead, he will be soon if you don’t make it to him on time.

You immediately lift your wrist and speak into the communicator.  “Mando?”  You have no idea if he can hear you, but you need to try anyway.  Your voice is still firm, there’s a strength to it you don’t feel in your chest, but it certainly sounds convincing.  “I’m coming to get you.  Less than a minute to your location, do everything you can to get outside.  If you can’t, I’ll just… uh.  Try to figure something else out.”

That’s it.  That’s it, improvise until you don’t have to.  Even if you’re lacking confidence, you can at least scrounge up some conviction.  Your arms gain feeling again while you veer the Crest through the stony terrain, the familiar reverberations under your feet begin to fill your body with a powerful sense of purpose.  Your breaths begin to come steady, every falling rock you see through the transparisteel feels like it drops in slow motion, allowing you to evade them easily.  It would normally be stupidly dangerous to fly this low with so many unexpected obstacles and hazards narrowly missing the ship, but considering what you’re flying into, a few boulders seems comical.

“Where’s your helmet?”  Oshua asks out of nowhere, and for a second, you don’t think you heard him correctly.

But then it strikes you all at once what he’s attempting to imply, and the sheer lunacy of the thought is enough to make you laugh while you clutch the controls.  “I’m not a Mandalorian.”

“You wear the armor of one,” he points out… rather fairly, you have to admit.  “You cover your face like one.  You have a blaster that fires Philithiorium, a rare and expensive gas native to Mandalore’s stratosphere, and you’re a bounty hunter—”

“I’m not a Mandalorian.”  Your words are short and cutting, you have a daunting task to focus on and don’t feel like having small talk right now.  “I’m not a bounty hunter, either.”

But then again, Karga made you a member of the Guild, didn’t he?  He handed you Oshua’s puck and said this one is for you to find, and you are technically part of a Mandalorian clan.  All of this seems like it happened without your knowledge.  You may be marrying a Mandalorian, you may wear his armor and mother his child and shoot a blaster with his signet branded into it, but war isn’t in your blood.  This robe was a costume when you first made it, this armor was a relic that was restored as a hobby.  In a sense, it still feels that way.  The mask covering your face lended itself to a temporary surge of bravery earlier, but beyond that, the only thing that’s keeping you moving forward now is your family.  The man you love that may or may not be alive right now, the baby holding tight to your leg while the ship sways and weaves through the stony landscape.

Your eyes quickly flick down to the child in your lap, both of his three fingered hands clutching onto the stained fabric of your knee without moving a single inch.  He’d know, you tell yourself.  If his father is gone, he’d already know somehow.  Din is still alive, and he’s counting on you.

---

There’s too many for Din to handle.

They swarmed him, overpowered his endless artillery with massive numbers and there’s nothing he can do anymore.  The backs of his knees are kicked from behind and he slams down to the ground with a clatter, his sizzling hot blasters are ripped from him, and Din folds his hands calmly behind his back even as one of the stormtroopers barks out, “Binders,” to another one, who disappears quickly in response.  In the meantime, a few of them apparently decide to just attempt holding his arms in place, and their measly combined grip is almost enough to make him roll his eyes under the helmet.  These imperial soldiers are even more pitiful than they usually are, but his silent resolve to stall to ensure your escape is enough to keep him stationary and compliant for the time being.

Eventually, a few voices call out from beyond the crowd and there’s some movement from the back.  Dozens of troopers with their blasters all pointed at him begin to shuffle to make way, careful to keep their barrels aimed at him while a path slowly forms.  The crowd of white parts and a stormtrooper with a singular red pauldron on his right shoulder saunters confidently towards Din as he kneels on the ground.

An officer, he assumes.  Conveniently missing from the firefight, the scanner inside his helmet would’ve caught the change in color and Din would’ve made sure to kill him first.

“Well now, what do we have here?”  Comes his thin metallic voice through the tinny filter.  The officer studies him curiously for a few moments, before slowly looking down by his feet, reaching out one cheap, plastic covered foot to gently nudge the body of a dead trooper on the ground with a sigh.  “What a shame.”

Coward, he thinks, his lip curling with disgust under the helmet.

“This is an imperial training base,” he turns his attention back to Din to inform him when he doesn’t immediately respond, rather stupidly he might add.  “How were you able to find us?”

Silence.  The grip on hands held behind his back is even looser now.  He just tilts his chin up slightly in defiance, the scanner inside his helmet locating each weapon strapped to the man’s body and highlighting it red.  Small text boxes blink into existence under each one with a manufacturer and classification—a BlasTech E-11 rifle, a Merr-Sonn thermal detonator, a Kolvo vibroblade—and Din is severely unimpressed with the quality.  The detonator is the only weapon that even catches his eye, and that’s only because the chamber inside that houses the explosive baradium has a release mechanism that’s completely dead.  Useless, then.  Good to know.

After a long moment of quiet tension where Din refuses to speak and the officer continues to confidently scrutinize him, in some strange sort of silent battle of egos that only one seems to have a genuine interest in, another stormtrooper makes his way to the front, shoving past his fellow soldiers to address the superior in charge.

“Commander, we’ve sent out an alert for an intruder,” he tells him, slightly out of breath from running through the crowd in the lightweight armor.  Din wants to roll his eyes, but what he says next makes him snap to immediate attention.  “The fleet informed us that Moff Gideon is currently on route.”

Gideon.  The last time someone spoke that name, it was a quarry on Coruscant and you just barely managed to stop Din from suffocating the bastard for even saying it aloud before freezing him in carbonite.  It would’ve meant half the return on a hunt that lasted nearly a month but he saw red and his hand was crushing his windpipe before he realized what happened.  But he’s dead, Din thinks with a clenched jaw and fists tightening behind his back, he watched that TIE fighter explode and slam into the ground, crushing the man inside it.  The wreck was unsurvivable, he can’t be alive.

“For what?  This Mandalorian?”  The trooper in charge scoffs in response, and Din remains completely mute.

“Yes, sir,” the other one confirms.  “Orders were to capture him, alive.”

“Hm.”  The officer turns his attention back to him, less analyzing and more musing while he tilts his head.  “I see,” he eventually says, and he sounds like he’s grinning, before strolling slightly closer as Din stays completely still on his knees.  “He must want the beskar.  I’m sure it’s worth more than this entire battalion combined.”

All of a sudden, a gloved hand carelessly catches the rim of his helmet and tugs, and Din’s movement is explosive.  He launches off the ground, arms easily slipping from the pathetic grip they were being held in and his fist colliding with the side of the officer’s flimsy white helmet, the plastic making a deafening crack against his face.

Multiple hands immediately rush forward to grab him and yank him back down again while the commanding trooper stumbles backwards in shock, and Din amicably drops to his knees and folds his hands behind his back once more like nothing happened at all.

“Binders!”  A trooper behind him roars loudly once more, and a few men surrounding him begin trotting away this time.

The officer in red stands a few feet away from him now, grabbing his helmet and twisting it back to its proper position on his head where it was skewed.  There’s a shattered hole near his jaw where the material splintered and busted like the cheap piece of banthashit it is, and while he might normally feel pleased with himself for being able to see his skin peeking through, it just fills him with more righteous fury.  It’s such a punchable jaw.

After a few awkward moments of silence, the other one clears his throat and continues.  “He… has inquired about the location and status of a child that should be accompanying him.”

Din inhales deeply through his nose and grinds his teeth.  He wants to snap their necks one by one for even just mentioning his son, but there are just too many, more than even his whistling birds can neutralize.  Still, he gave you as much of a head start as physically possible.  You should be rising into the atmosphere right now, making the jump into hyperspace towards safety.  Karga will know what to do—he’ll protect his family, separate you and the boy so the threat is evenly dispersed instead of collected all in one place, and arm dozens of trained hunters to keep watch over you both individually.  It’s the best Din can do, and it’s the only thing keeping his knees planted on the ground and his body completely motionless while they continue speaking.

“We are combing the sector for a ship with as many men as we can afford to lose,” the trooper in red says, but his voice filter is shattered and now sounds like a puny little droid with a broken voice box, “but our numbers are unimpressive.  Assistance may be required.”

It’s too late, Din thinks, mouth twitching under the beskar with a satisfied smirk.  They’re wasting their time, looking for a ghost.  You’re both long gone by now.  They’ve got no idea you even exist—

“He also spoke of a girl.”

And then he feels his heart stop in his chest.  Every single cell in his body turns to fire, it’s a fucking miracle he doesn’t move a muscle in response.  His sweet girl, the one so far removed from the nightmare of the Empire that she made best friends with the orphans of it.  How the fuck did he know?  He shouldn’t even be breathing, let alone gathering information about you, how did he know?

But then Din thinks back, remembering your makeshift bed on the floor, your panicked eyes and heaving chest as the quarry taunted him with a sick little smile.  Who’s this, Mando?  She’s just darling, isn’t she?  Does Gideon know your crew has a lovely new addition?

“A girl?”

The trooper nods.  “Moff Gideon insisted that if the Mandalorian did not have a child with him, then a girl would likely be protecting him instead.”

He’s going to kill them, Din decides.  Every single one of these imperial pigs, every single soldier standing right now is a dead fucking man.  The blood pumping through his body suddenly turns to acid, deadly black hate poisoning his soul.  His heartbeat morphs into a war drum, the armor strapped to his limbs is the barrel of a gun.  He’s going to fucking kill them and leave an imperial base full of bodies to greet his old nemesis upon his return, and he’s going to enjoy every single second of it.

Except, then—

“Mando?”  The sweetest voice in existence suddenly crackles through the earpiece under his helmet.  “I’m coming to get you.  Less than a minute to your location, do everything you can to get outside.  If you can’t, I’ll just… uh.  Figure something else out.”

And, as Din kneels there in surrender, surrounded by a crowd of enemies he thought he destroyed long ago, all the anger—all the fury and defiance and murder surging through his veins—suddenly morphs to fear.

The emotion is so foreign and old to him, it feels like a face he barely recognizes and a name he can’t remember.  He’s panicked before.  He’s been in situations where a threat has made him blind with rage, he knows what it’s like to look death straight in the eyes and say that he’s busy and to come back another time.  This is different.  This is ice cold that freezes over beskar.

He can’t speak out loud to warn you—he can’t move his hands to press the button on the back of his helmet and allow him to talk without detection.  There’s plasma turrets on the roof of the base, he can see them right now.  The helmet’s scanners say they’re manned and engaged, and though he is outside and this is how you retrieved him before whenever he needed a quick escape, he has fifty fucking imperial blasters trained on him and you know absolutely nothing about this threat.  You’re flying right into a war zone and if either you or his son dies, he won’t ever be able to forgive himself.

Behind the helmet, his eyes fly to each and every trooper, wondering which blaster will be the one to do it.  Which weapon is going to be the one he can’t block in time when you descend, the one that’ll kill him right in front of you.  Which turret will be the one to obliterate the Crest with you and his son inside of it.

“Maker, where are those fucking binders—” he hears someone behind him snarl, but the white noise of pure terror roaring through his ears drowns them out.  His chest starts heaving against his will, sheer panic begins to blur his vision.  For the first time in his life, his armor feels too heavy, his lungs feel like one of these boulders are sitting on them instead of beskar.

All too soon, his helmet starts making a familiar sound that signals quietly in his ear, alerting him of an incoming ship, and the only thing he can physically do is count down the seconds to prepare himself for what is to come.

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two…

Like lightning, Din breaks the grip of multiple troopers and surges up, tackling the officer in red to the ground.  There’s a clatter as they both slam into the rocky floor, but in the ensuing scuffle, he easily snatches the thermal detonator from his side holster and holds it up for everyone to see, before pressing the red button on the front and hearing it begin to beep rapidly.

---

You’re right on time.

The Crest rises up through the rocky cliffs surrounding the base and you spot the turrets you were warned about.  Weapons controls are already engaged and you’re too low to be detected by radar—you fire once, twice, and blast both of them to smithereens from behind before they can even rotate around to target you.

Alarms start wailing but the guns are destroyed.  It’s not comforting, though; blasters won’t touch you up here, but that doesn’t mean they can’t fire at Din on the ground.  Your eyes dart across the sea of white, looking for a flash of silver anywhere, and then you spot him instantly in the chaos.

For some reason, the troopers in his vicinity all seem to be bolting away from him.  Their rifles are down, clutched in their hands while they nearly fall over each other to run away as fast as possible, and your heart soars when you spot his jetpack firing up.  Din launches into the sky while another trooper is revealed underneath him, seeming to juggle something in his hands and then throw it into the crowd of retreating soldiers, but the sight of the man you love rising into the air while a flurry of blaster shots from the far edges of the imperial structure follow him gives you the confidence to immediately turn the guns down towards the horde of troopers.

“Which ones are in charge?”  You ask Oshua breathlessly, who leans forward and points out the transparisteel.

“Red pauldrons—” he barely has time to say it before you aim and fire at one of the troopers wearing red that was closest to Din, the plasma beam launching from the Crest so powerful and devastating that it outright obliterates the surface he’s laying on.  Pieces of shattered armor fly and a smoking crater of rubble is all that’s left behind, but your mind is whirling and you’re already onto someone else wearing red at the edges of the complex, and then two more near the doors, and then another—

To their credit, you think the sixty or so soldiers in training seem to figure out that you’re not aiming into the enormous collection of them.  If you were, the damage would be catastrophic and spraying everywhere, but you’re precise and meticulous with your shots, and the only ones who are loyal enough to the cause to hold still and raise their blasters at the incoming threat tend to be the ones you need to mow down anyways.  The rest of them scatter in all directions, scrambling over each other to escape and then disappearing into the distant boulders surrounding the base—but you notice that not a single one of them runs back inside the safety of its open doors.

The hull dips with the weight of Din dropping in, and relief floods your soul even as you continue raining hell down on the superiors in charge.  Any flash of color you see is a target, your eyes lose focus of everything, your vision blurs and turns monochrome as you just search for red.

“Lift up!”  You hear Din’s voice roar from the hull.  You can hear his rifle unloading through the open door.  “Now!  We have to go now!”

You press the button to shut the hull door with Din inside and punch it, rising so fast that the shove of gravity makes it difficult to keep your head up.  Through the sudden surge of downward force, you just barely manage to raise your incredibly heavy arm to push the button that pressurizes the Crest and ignites the launch boosters, preparing the vessel for space travel.  Outside the transparisteel, the gray sky begins darkening as the atmosphere eventually disappears.  The ship’s engines roar, burning so much fuel at once that you’re actually accelerating through the climb, you’re boosting through the gradual ease of gravity as the planet’s curvature and glow becomes softer and softer below you.

As soon as the blackness of space begins to fill the windows, the slight subsiding of force allows you to plug in the coordinates for Nevarro with less difficulty, but you’re still moving, still rising, still escaping.  You can’t find it within yourself to slow down, but then something catches your attention.

Claws suddenly dig sharp into your thigh, sharp enough to sting and cause you to wince, and you look down to see that the kid has gone incredibly tense.  Deadly tense.  Your heart is still pounding even though you’re away from danger, you’ve got Din in the hull, everyone is safe, and yet—

It flickers into existence all at once.  One second it’s just space, just the endless depths of nothingness spread out for light years in front of you, and within the blink of an eye it’s suddenly there.

A star destroyer.

Your body freezes in horrified awe, having never seen a ship so fucking big in your entire life.  It looks like a massive satellite, the size of an enormous asteroid instantly appearing in your vision and dwarfing the vastness of space around it.  All the stars you used to dream about are suddenly blotted out within a fraction of a second, terror so immense seizes your soul that you stop thinking.  You stop calculating, you stop being yourself for a split second that lasts an entire lifetime.

Before you can move a single muscle, the computer beeps quickly and lurches the Crest into hyperspace.

---

The stars streak across the transparisteel like so many times before.  Utter silence nearly deafens you with how abrupt it is after so much noise, but the peace it used to bring does nothing to quell your fear.  Everything is the same as it always was, same bursts of light as you hurdle faster than it towards Nevarro, same quiet, same rumbling hum of the ship.  But now, everything has changed.

You hear the quarry next to you suddenly inhale and exhale loudly, and it shocks you a little bit, reminds you that there’s a person next to you and another is on your lap.  Other people exist outside of the vision of death that just flickered out of existence just as quickly as it appeared.  They’re breathing, Oshua is shakily unbuckling his seatbelt, life is continuing on in the quiet cockpit but you can’t seem to move like he is.  You can’t seem to breathe like he is.  It’s only when the baby slowly maneuvers himself around on your thigh and blinks up at you, placing a tiny hand on your stomach that you finally feel air enter your lungs.

After a moment, you reach down and click open your seatbelt with trembling fingers, scooping the kid up in your arms and slowly attempting to stand.  Everything feels wobbly and dreamlike, you have to brace yourself on the headrest to prevent yourself from falling back into the chair again.

“That was…” Ryler mutters, his voice sounding foggy and distant, “uh.  A close one.”

You look over at him, recognizing that he’s speaking but not quite able to understand the words right now.  Red catches in your vision, and you blink down at the way he’s clutching his left shoulder, the smear of blood darkening the white armor he’s wearing.  You blink a few more times at the sight of it, and though it feels like you normally would be sickened at the wound, somehow shocked out of your state of shock, it does nothing to you.  When you look back up at his face, his expression seems strangely grateful, even when it’s screwed up in what you know must be excruciating pain.    You did that, a quiet voice whispers in your mind, even though the rest of it seems incredibly blank.

Instead of responding, you stumble a few steps over to the ladder, spinning around and hesitating for a moment.  You’re severely lacking in coherent thought, but one thing seems to break through.  You’re not sure if you have enough coordination to do this safely right now.  However, when there’s movement in your peripheral and you look to see Oshua gently offering his right arm to you, seeming to understand you’d like to use both hands for this, you snap back to your senses just the slightest bit and hug the baby tighter to your chest.  Carefully, you begin making the slow climb down the ladder with the kid, still trembling with the aftershocks of adrenaline.  Your limbs feel extra heavy, but eventually the floor meets your feet.

Din is standing there when you slowly turn around, armor gleaming and still as a statue, but he has his back to you.  His helmet is tilted down at the ground, and when you follow his gaze, you’re met with the sight of the bloodstains of dragged bodies that leave dark red streaks all the way up the ramp.

You feel something this time.  It’s… cold.  A burning, searing cold that creeps into your skin.  Like your heart decides to pump nitrogen through your chest instead of warm blood.  You did that.

There’s a sudden urge inside of you to speak, to address him and inform him of your presence, tell him everything is okay, everything worked out, but you can’t find it in yourself to say a single word.  You can’t find a single word to say.  The kid twists as best he can in your clutch, his ears drag against your chest to greet his father, but for some reason, there’s still a strange sense of fear in your bones.  It’s enough to wake you up slightly, it’s enough to tell you it’s not over yet.  There’s a terror in your heart that hasn’t left since he first called over the comm and begged you to run, a crippling dread that you thought climaxed after seeing that star destroyer appear, but it’s somehow only increased after laying eyes on him like this.

You watch as his helmet turns, slowly meeting the pauldron on his shoulder, and for some reason, you feel yourself harden.  Your feet brace against the metal floor like this is another threat you have to face, you let its unyielding metallic strength transfer up through the souls of your boots to your heart in your chest.

But the second you hear cheap white armor clatter as the quarry steps down the ladder behind you, Din bursts into movement.  He suddenly spins and storms up to you in one single step while catching your holstered blaster on your hip.  It’s out and aimed in the blink of an eye, and it’s a miracle you remember how to speak before he remembers how to kill.

“Mando—” you warn, just in time for the quarry to land on the floor of the hull and turn around to reveal his face.

Din holds there for a second, his helmet locked on Oshua’s features.  His gloved fingers twitch wildly on the trigger of your gun held over your shoulder, like he has to remind himself multiple times not to.  You hear Oshua’s armor clack while he likely raises one good arm in surrender, but then Din’s helmet moves a fraction of a millimeter to your face and holds there.  He just stares down at you, and the air feels heavy, your body feels heavy, the feather light child in your arms feels heavy.

Slowly, he lowers his arm, lets it fall while he continues looking at you from behind the visor.  You look back at him, unblinking, unfeeling, and there’s a few seconds that last an utter eternity where nobody moves.  Nobody speaks, nothing happens, but then a soft coo comes from your arms before you can finally break eye contact, knowing there are still some things that need to be done.

You eventually turn around and lift your chin to address Oshua.

“You have to go into carbonite,” you inform him quietly.  Your voice sounds strange, like it’s coming from outside of yourself.  “We’re taking you to Nevarro, and then you’ll be transported to your home planet. When they unfreeze you, your sister will be there to collect you.”

He looks uncertain, one hand still raised while the other hangs uselessly at his side, and you don’t blame him.

But you also don’t feel like saying anymore, not unless he decides he doesn’t want to go in willingly.  Normally you might’ve tried to empathize, offer him further reassurance beyond just a couple short sentences, but you don’t.  Speaking feels difficult, thinking feels difficult.  You’re still in survival mode, not active but reactive.  There’s also no reason for you to lie to him about this, and you can see him glance at Din standing silently behind you, who hasn’t moved a muscle.

He eventually nods and you walk him over to the chamber without another word, watch him turn to face you as he backs into the opening while you reach up towards the control panel.

But then there’s a moment.  One where you hesitate slightly, one where your vision flashes back to the sight of those bloodstains on the floor, and that burning cold fills you again, so cold it feels completely numb.

“I’m… sorry,” you whisper quietly to him, though your voice sounds so empty.  There’s so much emotion that should be there but isn’t, so much regret and pain that should break through but can’t.  “I’m sorry I… killed your friends.”

Later, you’ll think about how you felt absolutely nothing saying it.  Your heart doesn’t constrict with remorse at the mere words leaving your mouth, guilt doesn’t flood into your soul, pain doesn’t wrack through your bones.  You could’ve been saying anything at all and nobody would be able to tell the difference.

He blinks at you, flicking his eyes between yours for a second or two, but then you press the proper button and watch the gas quickly freeze him where he stands.  He’ll be conscious the entire time, but Karga will send him to the correct location and you have no doubt that this elemental purgatory is leagues better than where he just escaped from.  It’s a benefit being the last quarry to be retrieved—he’ll only have to spend a few days trapped in here before being reunited with his family.

When that’s done and Oshua is a complete statue in front of you, bulky white armor now colored a dull metallic gray and frozen in time, you will yourself to finally turn around to face the enormous mountain of a presence behind you.  The baby gently reaches out for him, but Din doesn’t move from where he’s stood.  Your blaster is still clutched tightly in his hand, and he isn’t looking at you.

Slowly, you walk over and stop directly in front of him in the middle of the hull, blinking at him while the helmet subtly moves to lock onto your face.  The kid begins wiggling in your arms, making soft impatient noises while you both stand in complete silence across from each other.

After a few moments, you hear him flick your blaster’s safety on by his side and then toss it carelessly to the ground.  It skids along the floor, light enough to be mostly quiet.  Gloves reach out as he carefully takes the kid from you and settles him in the crook of one arm, and then he looks you up and down, still not saying anything.

Your eyes follow his movement, watching his arm slowly reaching out to you, and you think he’s going to cup your jaw, or brush your hair back.  Give you some sort of physical reassurance since he hasn’t spoken a single word of it.

Instead, Din suddenly grabs the armor clinging to your chest and starts ripping it off you with one hand.  It clangs to the floor so loudly in the silence of hyperspace, the kid’s ears twitch and flutter with each shattering bang.  You hold still while he does it, you barely respond except the unavoidable movement your body experiences as the pauldron is yanked from your shoulder and thrown against the ground.  The ammo belt is tugged over your head and hurled away, the thigh braces are snatched from your legs and they clang to the floor, and the pearly, opalescent fabric revealed underneath is stained in dead man’s blood, rusty and in such great quantities that it shows up as brown instead of red.

“Are you hurt?”

He sounds… dead.  So monotonic that you can’t possibly gauge his emotional state.  He doesn’t move.   His fists don’t clench, he says every single word like it means the same exact thing as the last.  If nothing at all was a person who could speak, they’d use his tone of voice.

“No,” you eventually whisper.

The helmet nods once, and then he spins around and walks away without anything else.  Without saying anything, without touching you, or double checking you for injuries in case you were lying.  You stand utterly still while Din climbs the ladder with the kid cradled in one arm, and you don’t even flinch when the door to the cockpit slides shut behind him.  You have no idea how long you stand there in the splitting silence afterwards, numb and unmoving.

You feel… nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

The hard defenses you strapped to yourself today to reconcile the things you had to do are still high and strong, guarding your soul even if he stripped away your physical armor.  Self preservation is still animating your body, and your facial expression barely changes.  Your first thought, as soon as you remember that you can have one, is that there are things that still need to be done.  Tasks to complete.

Alone, you shower the lingering traces of blood off your body, the normally clear and refreshing water running a sickly, toxic brown.  Alone, your stomach rolls and suddenly decides to empty itself of the very little that was in it as the scalding drops rain down over you—mostly liquid and bile that easily rinses down the drain.  The water is too warm, it beats down on you like blazing hot sand pelting your skin in the desert.  You feel like you did those first few months with Din, where the silence was suffocating, where you’d only interact with the baby if he was on a hunt or if you could tell he didn’t know how to calm him when he was fussy.  If you were in hyperspace, you usually spent time by yourself in the hull while he lived in the cockpit, and if he decided he needed to be in the hull for whatever reason, then you’d trade places with him.  It was… isolating.  Lonely by yourself.  The quiet used to haunt you before it became your cherished friend, but now it’s a betrayer, a ghost that whispers memories and nightmares in your ears.

When you finally finish rinsing the blood from your skin and get dressed, you see the sheets that used to make up your bed now have fried holes in them from your charred plasma marks, the inside of the hull is covered in them and the trails of dried blood where you dragged the bodies down the ramp.  Your armor is still strewn about the hull, the kid’s hovering shield lays dead in the corner.  Everything you meticulously cleaned and organized and collected and created, now the scene of a bloodbath.  One committed by your hand, your blaster still laying uselessly on the floor forever linked to this atrocity.

You spare a glance towards the ladder, but you don’t want to come face to face with Din yet.  You already knew he’d be furious, but… you had hoped that he’d at least…

What?  At least what?  Comfort you?  Coddle you after you deliberately ignored his instructions?  What exactly, in the past year or so of learning Din’s inner workings and intricacies, would ever give you the impression that he’d come give you a big hug after you purposefully defied him?  You flew the kid directly into an imperial base after being told to protect him, you ignored every order he gave to you in the moments he thought would be his last, and though you did it to save his life, you have a feeling that Din has never valued his life even a fraction of what you do.

The misery stabs at your soul, but your mind is finally beginning to process things logically.  He’s alive, the kid is alive, the quarry is secure, and you’re all onboard the safety of this ship hurtling through hyperspace where nobody, not even the Empire, can touch you.  You weighed the consequences before making your decision, you did what you had to do.  If he wants to be mad, then he can fucking well be mad and you’ll find some way to comfort yourself.  At least he’s here being mad, at least he’s alive and safe and breathing and mad, and your rare act of disobedience is to thank for that.

Somewhere in the back of your mind, you realize it’s probably easier than it should be to reconcile the punishment.  Right now, you welcome the exclusion, the negativity and sorrow beating itself into your soul.  Four innocent people died today on this ship, gunned down under your blaster while they panicked and ran for cover.  You keep hearing their screams.

So you start to clean up the hull, needing another task to focus your thoughts on.  You work to erase every inch of the evidence of your deeds, make it disappear like the pool of blood Din once cleaned up while you were sleeping and never acknowledged again.  You only allow the bloodstains to fuck with your head for a single moment, and then you swallow back the nausea until you’re a blank slate again and sink to your knees with a rag in your hand.  After that, your vision stops focusing and it just becomes red contrasting against gunmetal gray, and you work tirelessly to get rid of all remaining traces of it.

Then you start on the blaster marks, you need them gone.  After a few informed attempts at mixing cleaning chemicals, you find one concoction that allows you to wipe them away like they’re nothing more than dirt that got tracked in.  The Crest’s oxygen recycling system works overdrive to constantly purify the air so you don’t get high or pass out, but your nose still stings.  It’s fine, it’s sterile, it burns a bit but it smells sharp and metallic and keeps you hyper focused on the task at hand.

After that’s done, you pick up the charred blankets and ball them up to throw into the trash vent.  You don’t feel anything as you do it.  You don’t think about how long it took you to collect these over months and months of being stuck on this ship, how comfortable they were when everything else was industrial and rigid, how many nights you spent with Din curled up in their softness while he breathed easy and warm.  Sheets are just luxuries, they can afford to be lost.

Next, you gather your armor and wipe it down with the rag, put it away along with your blaster.  The stained robe goes in the trash, along with the sheets and the blood soaked cloth you used to clean everything.  They’re all ruined, you’ll never be able to make them right again.

The hull is sparkling clean when you decide to take another shower.  Nothing on you is dirty except your hands, but you feel filthy.  Wrong, cold, numb, cold, stained, cold.

After scrubbing your skin raw under the water and changing clothes again, since you don’t really know what to do with yourself anymore, you slowly climb the ladder to the cockpit, keeping perfectly silent.  When you reach the upper platform and come face to face with the closed door, you can just barely hear Din’s whispered voice speaking quietly to the baby beyond it.

You raise your hand for a moment, hovering your knuckles over the metal, but then it eventually falls.  Instead, you look over and spot the corner, the same corner Din bunched himself into when he snapped at you for even suggesting going on a hunt with him, blew up at you for the mere notion of something happening like what happened today.  You back yourself into it in defeat and slowly sink down on the floor, resting your head against the metal and hugging your knees to your chest since you don’t have a tiny baby to take their place.

You can’t sleep.  You don’t even try, it’s pointless.  The concept feels foreign the longer you sit here by yourself.  You don’t hear Din or the baby anymore, but you feel… so fucking awful that it’s fitting that you don’t knock or go looking.  You don’t want to hold that sweet child with hands that were covered in blood just a few hours ago.  You killed more people than you can count on your fingers today, and of the ones who had done nothing wrong…  They screamed like younglings, ducked for cover and were able to fire off one single useless shot in the mayhem before you closed their eyes forever and left their bodies to rot in armor that wasn’t ever their choice to wear.

You didn’t know they were kidnapped and smuggled and forced into that situation.  You couldn’t have known, but that isn’t the point.  In this case, knowing doesn’t make one bit of difference.

You also can’t face Din yet, not like this.  You don’t want him to see you cowering, shattered with guilt over the decisions you made under pressure.  How will you ever get him to forgive you for not listening to him when you can’t even forgive yourself for the result of your choices?  Din is a hardened man who grew up in blasterfire and bloodshed, just because you love him doesn’t mean he’s going to magically become someone he isn’t.  You’re here letting guilt sink sharp claws into your chest over four dead men when he had a good fifty or more corpses scattered on the battlefield around him.  You decided to wear that armor, you decided to fly into an imperial base with the kid on your lap, and this is now your penance.  You’ll accept it with your back straight and your chin held high.

Figuratively, of course.  Physically, you’re smaller than you’ve ever been.  Crumpled up into a ball, taking up as little space as possible, curling up as tight as you can like an animal protecting all your vulnerable parts during a brutal attack.

So, since he isn’t here to comfort you himself, you just try to think about what he would tell you.  A long time ago, what would he tell you?

Din would tell you… that you killed someone.  Multiple people, this time.  He’d also tell you that it doesn’t matter what he tells you, what you could have reasonably foreseen or what you should have done.  The end result won’t change.  You own this now.  You’ll carry their deaths with you.

You take a few deep breaths, self-soothing with the undeniable truth that would be murmured matter of factly from his quiet voice.  He wouldn’t argue with you.  He wouldn’t deny the decisions you made or the consequences of them.  It happened, and at the end of the day, you either learn how to handle that, or you don’t.

And, for the four you did shoot, you were responsible for freeing ten times that amount.  You’re responsible for reuniting Oshua Ryler with his family, even if your place in yours is momentarily shunned.  You’d rather be out here alone than in there with the kid, wondering where his dad is or if he’s even still alive.  You rescued Din and now he gets to be here to shut this door on you, hold his son, and whisper calm reassurances to him.  If you listen really hard and imagine, you can pretend they’re for you, too.

That’s it.  Focus on them both, alive and well together.  Focus on the bodies wearing white armor that were moving, the ones that were bolting away from the imperial training base as fast as they could, free from the torture of imprisonment and conditioning.

Finally, you close your eyes and slip into unconsciousness.  It’s not a testament to your exhaustion, but rather just how long you’ve been left to sit here by yourself.  Hours, maybe.  Time is strange in hyperspace.

You dream of a faceless man ringing bells.

---

When you wake up, a small baby has been placed in your arms, and you’re being dragged into a strong, secure beskar hold on the floor.

“Din,” you suddenly lift your head as soon as you’re conscious and nearly bonk it into solid metal, apologies rising in your throat before you even remember where you are.  You did what needed to be done to keep your family alive and together and you’d do it a thousand times again if necessary, but that doesn’t mean you won’t apologize anyways.  After the deeds you’ve committed today, regret feels as natural on your lips as speaking your own name.  “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I know you’re mad at me but I—”

“Shh,” he whispers, running his gloves through your hair.  He’s still wearing his helmet, he hasn’t taken anything off yet.  “Don’t say anything.  Just… stay here, stay right here with me.”

“I tried to save you,” you croak, tears instantly flooding your eyes.  You did save him.  You saved him and the baby and yourself but you’re so physically and emotionally exhausted that all you can recall is your intent.  “I tried.  Wasn’t gonna leave you there by yourself.  I tried to be brave, like you—y-you wouldn’t have left without me.”

His arms tighten around you, cradling you in such a strong embrace that you burrow into him, you find a place for your head on the hard metal strapped to him and bury yourself there, wishing that you had shovels of dirt being piled on you to justify the death you still feel staining your soul.  Your heart is starting to pound now that you’re remembering, your body is starting to shake with tremors of shock now that you’re aware of your own skin again.

“I was so sc-scared, Din, I didn’t—didn’t know what was happening,” you lament through watery eyes, gasping it out in hopes that it’ll relieve the slightest bit of the gut wrenching guilt just mercilessly crushing you.  It caught you before you could protect yourself against it, that armor you built around yourself isn’t on when you first wake up.  “I-I didn’t want to kill them, but they were already on the ship and y-you said—you said they were coming after the kid s-so I had to, I had to—”

“Stop,” Din whispers, voice so quiet that you can barely hear him.

“I-I cleaned up the blood,” you turn your face against the cold beskar to let all the positives you listed for yourself before scrape across your throat.  They don’t sound comforting anymore, they just sound like excuses.  “It’s gone, it’s like it never happened, everything is okay now, I got the quarry, I protected the baby, I saved a bunch of people, you’re both safe—”

“Stop,” he chokes out.  The modulator cuts off before you can hear his next breath, but you feel it shudder under your body.  “St-Stop it, please.”

Your eyes clench shut so tightly you feel like the streaking stars outside are behind them, tears drop down against his pauldron and you press your face tighter to it like it’s a wound, like the pressure will somehow ease the bleeding.

“Listen to me,” he says very quietly, and you instantly brace yourself.  The walls you just let down shoot right back up, your body physically tightens in preparation for another pain, another trauma, another scar you’ll carry, and you stop shaking.  You stop breathing, even when his hand comes up to ease your face away from his armor.

“You,” he whispers, holding your chin so you’re staring right at him, and your eyes flick fearfully in between his behind the visor, “are a sweet girl.”  Din’s leather thumb brushes along your skin, dragging over the tears below your puffy eyes.  “Not,” his voice catches, “a Mandalorian.”

Your heart goes cold.  Again, everything turns numb.  It doesn’t matter that you already said this yourself out loud earlier today.  It doesn’t matter that you acknowledged this fact, verbally insisted it more than once to hammer home the truth and felt some sense of comfort in it.  For some reason, hearing the words from his mouth is a fucking knife to your chest.

“I taught you how to fight, how to shoot a blaster,” he murmurs, thumb catching every single tear that continues to fall as he speaks.  “I taught you everything I know, everything that’s been taught to me.  I taught you how to defend yourself, how to protect yourself when you’re in danger.  I gave you your blaster, I gave you my armor, I gave you everything I could give you to keep you safe.  And when I thought you were ready, I let you loose on Sanctuary II.  Do you know why I did that?”  The helmet tips forward the slightest bit at the question, probing deep into the most shattered part of your heart.  “After all those months of fighting, and shooting, and training, do you know why I told you to run?”

You blink silently at him, a shaky breath quaking through you, and your expression wants to crumple under the reprimand.  You’re so fragile right now, taking hit after hit after hit to the softest parts inside you, and you want to just give up.  Let the guilt and remorse take you, let it wash you away.  But then, instead…

There’s a flicker of something inside you.  Something strong, endlessly strong, and it makes you want to revolt against what he’s saying.  It replaces the hurt and fear and desperation for comfort with a strange sense of insurgence, like it did earlier when you were hiding behind a boulder, cowering and trembling and not wanting to die.  You’re filled with a quiet urge to defend yourself in the face of this, stand up for yourself and refuse to be beaten down any longer.

“Because you needed to know how to escape danger,” he answers himself when you don’t.  “You needed to know how to disappear, how to outsmart any pursuer and find safety, even the trained ones.  Especially the trained ones.  Anything else was meant to be your last resort.  Not your choice.  Not something you chose.”

“I couldn’t leave you,” you admit to him quietly, voice shaky and tears still coming even as you try to speak up for yourself.  The regret you carry has nothing to do with this, and you decide right now that you won’t feel bad for saving him.  Your hurt comes from the meaningless things, the ones without any need whatsoever, not the necessary ones, and you tried.  You repeated his words to yourself over and over again, told yourself to run, told yourself to get to Nevarro, and it wasn’t going to happen.  “I couldn’t do it.  It wasn’t a choice.”

“It was,” he tells you.  He says it softly, whispers it like it’s the gentlest thing in the world, but the power and inherent distance of the armor strapped to his body finds its way into the words.  “And it was the wrong one.”

“What was I supposed to do?”  You ask, just a hint of that rebellion swimming to the surface now, rising out of the waves of self doubt, the one that feels like a spine growing in your back, an energy coursing through your veins that makes your heart start to beat faster.  Din’s hand slowly drops from your cheek but you don’t care.  “Was I supposed to run away and just let you die?”

“Yes.”  It’s quick and blunt and completely emotionless.  Delivered like a punch to the vulnerable parts of yourself he taught you how to protect, and the utter silence following this single word is comparable to the physical pain you learned to defend against.  It jabs hard against everything good and sweet and tender inside of you, and you’re left speechless even as he continues impassively.  “That’s exactly what you were supposed to do.”

It takes a second, but then that unfamiliar feeling suddenly surges up, breaches with the power of an entire ocean.  Your voices may be nothing more than whispers in the dark, you may be clinging to each other, holding each other with the softest, gentlest love in your hearts, but the strength of your conviction on this would rip metal apart.

“No.”  The word holds the might of your entire being, and it stands alone and defiant in the face of everything you fear, everything that threatens you, him, and this child.  Never.  You’ll die before that happens.  “I love you, and there’s nothing in this galaxy that would ever make me do that.  Not fear, not danger, not the Empire, nothing.  Not even you.”

Din stares at you.  His visor reflects your hardened expression back to you, the force in your soul and the purpose in your eyes, and you don’t even realize the gravity of what you just said because like your love for him, gravity is a constant.  It’s a fundamental truth cemented into the rules that govern your actions and it stays true no matter where you are, no matter what terror you face, or how scared you become.  You have him, you have this little boy in your arms, and if that’s all you have, then you have everything.

After an eternity of this, of feeling his eyes pierce deep into you from behind the helmet while you refuse to wither under his stare, you watch him slowly turn and look down, landing on the sleepy child tucked between you both.  He holds there for a long time, before finally whispering, so quiet that the modulator barely picks it up, “It was the wrong choice.”

You stay quiet.  It happened.  What’s done is done, you can’t change the past.  He can scold and reprimand you about this as much as he wants, but you did the right thing and that decision is the only reason he’s even here to be able to do so.  This exhausted child was reunited with his father because of your choices, and this exhausted father was reunited with his child.  You won’t argue anymore, but it’s a certitude that lives deep in your heart now, builds a home there right alongside the both of them.  Din eventually looks up, his eyes find yours again behind the visor, and his hand rises once more to gently cup your jaw.

“I… thought I’d enjoy seeing you in my armor,” Din finally whispers.  It’s not what you expected, but his voice sounds… weak.  Broken.  “You wore mine once before, and it was…”  He brushes his thumb along your cheek, and then his head shakes slightly, pushing the thought away.  “It wasn’t real.  It didn’t fit.  It dwarfed you, it made you look out of place, it made everything soft and innocent about you stand out.  I liked it because it wasn’t real.”

“Was it… really that bad?”  You whisper back, partially to ease the tension just slightly but quickly breaking eye contact with him when you realize it doesn’t land correctly, it just sounds self conscious and sad.  You try to find that conviction again, that strength and assurance that propped you up so sturdily before, but…  Not a Mandalorian, he’d said.  Of course not.  Of course not.

“It wasn’t the armor.”  Din gently tugs up on your face so that you look at him again.  “It was you covered in blood.  It was you purposefully putting yourself in danger.  You killed multiple armed soldiers of the Empire, you dragged their bodies off the ship.  And then you flew into an imperial base, where you killed the officers, too.  You…”  He shakes his head slowly at you while speaking, and although you can’t see his face, you don’t need to in order to hear the horror in his voice.   “You… collected a quarry… in the middle of a massacre, sweet girl.”

Not a Mandalorian.

“You don’t chase down bounties,” he tells you.  “You don’t fly into war zones.  You don’t kill imperials, you don’t collect quarries, you don’t sacrifice yourself, or our son, to save me.  You said you tried to be brave… like me.”  His fingers tighten against your cheek, he dips his helmet to make sure you understand.  “I’ll never ask you to be brave.  I’ll ask you to survive.”

“I’m… sorry,” you finally whisper, and his arm drops from your cheek to join the other in wrapping around you and holding tight.  They hug you and squeeze, encasing you and the baby in a beskar shield and staying there for a long time.  Long enough for you to tuck your head back into its proper place under his helmet, long enough to start to feel okay with the silence again.  It brutalized you the last time you were surrounded by it, it made you feel alone and desolate and barren inside.  You greet it warily now, settling into it for an unknown amount of time until it’s forgiven once more.

After a while, Din quietly breaks it.

“How many?”  He murmurs to you.  You already know exactly what he’s asking, there's no more clarification necessary on his behalf.

You slowly close your eyes and think back to the smoldering craters, the blood soaked ramp, the fear in Oshua Ryler’s eyes as he begged you not to kill him.

“That didn’t deserve it?”  You ask, clenching your eyes tighter at the memory.  “Four.”

And maybe, maybe six or eight months ago, you would’ve begged for some guidance on how to reconcile that.  Hell, maybe a few hours ago, you could’ve used his arms around you exactly like this, his low voice repeating the same things he’s already told you before, over and over again, if only for some semblance of stability when everything feels turbulent and uncertain.  You’ll never be able to change it, though.  This belongs to you now.

This time, all Din says is, “I’m sorry, too.”

And that covers everything.

The silence envelops you both again, but… there’s something else.  Something that still sits deep in your worries, an image that isn’t a scar of what’s happened but a dread of what’s to come.  You need to tell him.  You don’t feel like saying it, you don’t want to speak it aloud for fear of bringing it into existence, but you need to tell him.

“Din?”  You breathe out, and he makes a soft noise in his throat while cuddling you on the floor.  “I saw…,” you whisper, every word sitting tight and reluctant in your throat.  “Right when we made the jump, I was looking through the window and I-I saw…”

“A star destroyer.”  He says it like… like it’s the worst thing in the world and also completely expected at the same time.  He says it like he already knew, yet can’t even imagine.  You lean every bit of your weight against him since you can’t hold him in return, squish him as best you can against the small corner and curl up even tighter in his arms for comfort.

He takes a deep breath, a shuddery sound you don’t think you’ve ever heard him make before.  It holds untold anxiety, unsaid conflict, uncertain action, an unknown path forward.

“I don’t know what to do,” Din eventually whispers to himself, to you, to the baby in your arms.  His voice is barely a breath through the modulator, his fingers digging into your skin with how many emotions he’s repressing.  “What do I do?”

He sounds so distressed that you automatically feel your soul find the floor—instantly, you become steady and calm and you locate all that rationality that kept you going today.  All your worries still twist deep down, all the guilt and the turmoil wrestles with your soft, easy nature until you can only find bits and pieces of it in the most vulnerable places inside you, but if he’s struggling this terribly, then the least you can do is offer some good, true, unwavering faith in times of uncertainty.  You’re in hyperspace, everything worked out, and it’s going to stay that way for right now.  If he doesn’t know how to talk about it yet, then you trust him enough to wait for him.

“It’ll be okay,” you tell him with a newfound confidence and purpose, carefully easing the baby into one arm so that the other can find its way to the other side of his helmet and pull him closer.  Din tucks his head and allows you to brush your lips against the metal, whisper the words soft and steady to him.  “We’ll figure it out together.”

---

@cptnbvcks thank you so much for the incredible art!

[burnedwriter]

Ehem... may I request a mini drabble fic.. of ftm trans masc reader x wesker face sitting~ reader is insecure on the down stairs region and wesker wants to make them feel less insecure 😉🫠👀

A/n: sorry for taking so long with replying to your ask,i had to do some research and ask some of my trans friends to help me write this fic(huge props to them),I decided to write the smut scene in kinda gender neutral language since the reader can be at any point of their transition,anyways hope you enjoy!

warnings:smut mixed with comfort,tans masc!reader,face sitting,petnames.

''is there something bothering you my dear?'' wesker said.Nothing could escape this man's gaze.He studied your behaviour and every move you did throught the week seeing that you werent acting like your usual self.It made him think what might be the reason you are acting this way.He thought to himself was this the right time to confront you about it?Seeing you lay on the couch reading your book it was very prominent in your face that something was occuping your thought as Wesker stood at your feet.

''yes..''you finally admitted to him,closing your book and placing it on the table next to you as you sit up leaving some room on the couch for wesker to sit down next to you.

''Did someone harm you,my dear?,i can take care of them,just let me know who it is...''he said with his usual serious tone as he sat down next to you.

''Wesker it's fine,no one is to blame its just....''you tried to reasure him that everythng was fine,but a man like albert he was not buying it.

''Do you love me Albert?every part of me?even if im different?''you said feeling a sense of relief as you finally admitted your deepest insecurity.Giving him a hint of how you felt about yourself.The small silence filling your body with anxiety as you see wesker not responding,expecting a negative respose but instead you heard him say something that was really rare coming from his mouth.

''let me show you how much i love you''he said,it was one of the few times he showed genuine passion breaking his usual cold demeanor and showed his vulnurable side catching you off guard since it was really out of his character.After that you really dont know how things turned out the way they did,everything moved so swiftly that your brain couldnt comprehend what just happened.

Now sitting on Wesker's face ,your legs on either side of his head.Taking his time with you showing you how much not only loved you but apprecieting your beauty,bitting on your inner thigh before moving up leaving a trail of bite marks.His tongue skillfully touching all the right places,building up the pool of heat that started to form in your lower abdomen,ready to snap at any moment as your breathing became slower and more dagged out.

''Albert~,im close~''you moaned loudly your voice quivering as you dag your nails into the couch,his strong arms keeping you in place from moving or losing your balance as Wesker continued to use his skillful tongue pushing you over the edge,your whole body shook,your mind going blank destroying any insecurity you had for your body as you reach the finish like,climaxing all over wesker's mouth.Once you reached your climax Wesker's arm were locked around your thighs in a firmer grip,as he saw that you were about to get off of him.

''Where are you going?I m not done showing you my love yet''

[exquisitelyrandom]

hi i know one of them is kinda old but if you're okay with it i would love to do a fic of either of these tacophone comics of yours, maybe even both (with credit ofc)

https://www.tumblr.com/exquisitelyrandom/690825927273463808/draw-something-tacophone-related-and-if-you-dont

https://www.tumblr.com/exquisitelyrandom/713112801221263360/angst-because-the-sillies-are-on-my-mind-again

oh my god ofc you can w credit holy sh

YES!!!! AAUGQHZHHQ I'D LOVE FOR YOU TO!!!!! yuo have no idea how much I've been looking for reading content of them plsplspslsplspls

btw where would you be posting the story? I'd love to read it,, if you do make a fic of them, please tag me/send me a link!! ^^

going into small detail abt the ideas behind the comics below because im insane abt them vvv

they're actually very similar to each other so they may as we 🐝 connected/have the same situation lmao

first comic is leaning more on mic's. side

;After getting into the hotel, she's. absolutely miserable but keeps trying to pretend she's fine (she is not). Of course, Soap and the others notice her mood and one of them eventually get to talk to her about it. But even as she does open up, she never outs Taco. Ever. And blames it on the contest. Soap/Whoever confronted her knows it isn't true, but doesn't push further. After the talk, Mic basically just sits there and contemplates, before deciding """past is past""". Eventually, she starts thinking about the whole thing less, and she's smiling a lot more the next few days/weeks. Er. Until. That one night.

The second comic - or, in both comics - , here's Taco's side

There was actually gonna be more similar..things.. in both of the panels i put up above,, but i decided they'd look too similar to each other so Taco looks angrier in the second one

It all starts when Mic walks through the portal. Yeah. She didn't expect that. Taco's not someone to be caught off guard; her moves are calculated, and she knows the outcome of something even before it had a chance to start. She's memorized the puzzles and patterns on an object's mind, knows how to use it to her advantage - knows how to manipulate it into what she needs it to do. So why was it that she..?

She's teleported to their little spot, and her emotions are. overwhelming. At first, she feels.. sad. Distraught. Distraught that Mic left. Then, she feels.. angry. Angry at Mic for even leaving without any further word. Angry at Mic to have the AUDACITY to blame ..her. And she's angry.. at herself. Then, she's sad again. Her mind goes back to the words Microphone last spoke to her, and it stings, just as much as when she first heard them, if not more. She sits on the log -[soft thud]- oh, nevermind, she's on her knees in the soft grass, head in hands. She grips her shell tight and tries to shout, to let out the scream that's been trying to claw its way out of her throat, to get all of the overwhelming thoughts out of her head, but all she can manage is a choked sob, her throat tightening as she curled into herself.

And I'm only now realizing I'm getting WAY too carried away so fast forward everyone:

Taco thinks back on all the mistakes she's made, and back at one of her.. biggest mistakes yet. And, after a while, she decides she's done running, and she's not letting her slip from her grasp that easily. Not again. Not like him.

So, she writes, and writes, and writes, and writes. Until, after over fifty crumpled papers and about three half empty cups of - now cold - tea, she's finished. A letter to Microphone. She spilled her heart out on it, not leaving a single detail on everything she's done, opening herself up completely to the object never expected to break down years worth of built up walls. She's a little hesitant as she sends it to the hotel's mail, and then she waits.

She doesn't respond. Its not the first time. She takes a deep breath. No, she's not letting it faze her. She needs Mic to see she's being genuine. Why couldn't you be genuine from the start? When she most needed you to be?

She sends another letter, this time, directly into her room. She drops it through the little window, and she runs off before anyone notices her. A week passes. She doesn't respond again. She doesn't give up. She sends another letter, and another, and another, and another..

Two months has passed since then - has it really been that long? - And she's on the floor, miserable. The cracks have gotten worse and she can barely see with her right eye, she can barely stand, and her knees feel weak. Her head feels heavy, and her mind goes back to quiet picnics, white bowties and purples hues. And it just.. hurts. It hurts. It hurts, so much and she doesn't want it to. It hurts, and she's angry. Angry at herself for even considering to leave Microphone after they get the million. She's angry at herself for not paying attention to what may have caused the whole thing. Angry at herself slipping up the one good thing she had.

Did you ever have her?

She's angry at herself for being the reason Microphone left.

She feels lightheaded, yet her head feels heavy. And she's so, so tired.. she blacks out

The next thing she knows, she's on her way to ..hotel oj.

Uh oh

so um when I said "small detail" i may have.. lied HEJHSJQJZNNQJXN I WAS GENUINELY GOING TO JUST DESCRIBE MY IDEA FOR THE COMIC IM OSRRY I GOT CARRIED AWAY i had many things to say about tacoy

YOU DONT HAVE TO FOLLOW THROUGH W THE PLOT I'd love to see ur take on the comic!! Ignore my gay little writings hehr

[underratedandoverit]

they dont see you but i do (and i love you)

~5k words orangekip (orange cassidy/kip sabian)

whaddup have a secret relationship fic. this got unnecessarily long but who cares its good lol. slight shades of angst and some hurt/comfort, especially closer to the end, but its basically your usual pondering over difficult relationships stuff that you should be used from me by now if you come here often lol. oh also kris is here as ive fallen in love with writing her and i dont even know if im doing her that good LOL kip says fuck too many times. as per usual. other than that theres not really anything to warrant a high rating for it tbh

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate

on ao3

---------------------------

Laying on the bed, Kip eyed the ceiling opening above him, listening to the quiet sounds around him. It was just another week of this, being stuck in the hotel room, waiting for the next day to roll around so he could get to work. Take care of business there as per usual, get back to the hotel for the night, fly home the next day, and wait anxiously to repeat the whole thing next week.

It was the same thing week in and week out.

But at the same time, he didn’t really mind it in the end, Kip thought as he watched the bathroom door being pushed open, the blond walking out and approaching the bed. Cassidy plopped sitting down to the bed next to him, running a lazy hand through Kip’s brightly colored hair, the Brit sending him a tired smile.

“Long flight?” Cassidy asked, as if he hadn’t just spent like ten minutes making himself presentable after coming in from his own flight. Kip just chuckled at him quietly, scooting a bit closer as he snuggled against Cassidy’s side. He didn’t need to reply to the question, the answer was pretty obvious to both of them.

“Just happy you’re here finally,” he muttered into Cassidy’s side, the blond nodding despite knowing Kip couldn’t see the response from him. He continued to run a hand through his hair, spinning coils of it around his finger as Cassidy stared off into the distance across the room, briefly wondering why Kip hadn’t turned the television on while he had been waiting. They had arrived separately despite sharing a hotel room, like usually, not only because it would have taken one of them a good hour or two or maybe more of waiting for the other’s plane to land.

But also because the newly blossoming relationship was still a secret they were both in mutual agreement trying to kind of hold under the wraps to their coworkers and people around them, in hopes of being able to break the news when the response would have been at least a little bit less turbulent than what it would have been with them coming off from as heated of an on-screen feud as they had had the past couple of months.

Honestly at least to Cassidy it wouldn’t have been a huge surprise if some people had already started to put the pieces together, even if they had been openly sworn enemies up to just a few weeks ago. While they didn’t spend time together publicly, it was probably very obvious they were both hiding something from their own friend groups. Cassidy sure as hell knew Chuck and Trent had been asking him questions why he always disappeared so fast after the shows and never flew in early anymore for fun outings the nights before and so forth, and he always had to come up with some excuses like just wanting to spend some more time at home or the convenience of late hour flights. Kip had very similar stories to tell, and while they didn’t really have many mutual friends, surely someone at this point had started to think things. Like Cassidy had seen the way both Kris and Danhausen looked at him when he was talking about all of this.

“Clementine? Are you listening?”

Cassidy snapped out of his thoughts, looking down at the questioning look from Kip as the other man gently poked him on the thigh to gather his attention again. Cassidy shook his head a little, letting out a sigh. “Sorry. What’s up?”

“I was just thinking,” Kip started, pushing himself up into a sitting position next to him, leaning his back against the backboard of the bed. “Since I’m going to visit home next week. Why don’t you come with me? We can have a little getaway away from work together.”

Cassidy’s brows furrowed a bit as he processed the rather out of character proposal from Kip. He had been talking about going back to the UK to visit for a while now, but this was the first time he had directly made a comment about them possibly taking on this trip together, and something about him so randomly bringing this up now just felt very odd to Cassidy.

“I don’t know if I can get a whole week off.”

Kip pouted at him a little, knowing full well that wasn’t the only reason he was hesitant to immediately agree to his little proposal. “You’ve been working almost every single week for almost a year now. You can have a little time off, I’m sure. It would just be really nice to have some company.”

“Isn’t there anyone else you could ask?” Kip rolled his eyes, already knowing that Cassidy was going to try to pull as many excuses as possible to avoid being dragged along to this. “It would raise a lot of questions if we both flew to the UK at the same time when there’s nothing going on over there that we need to promote or appear in. Sharing a flight, sharing the time, sharing--”

“Yeah, okay, I get it, you don’t wanna go.” Kip turned away from him, clearly irritated by this turn of events as he leaned away, fetching the remote from the nightstand on his side of the bed, turning the television on. “You don’t have to be so rude about it.”

“It would just be suspicious if--”

“And what does that matter?” Kip asked with a sigh, Cassidy already regretting ever answering anything when this topic was brought up. “We’ve been dancing around this topic for weeks now. Is that ever going to fucking stop, or are we going to just keep this as a secret forever? It’s been like, what, two months at least now and nothing has changed except we just need to keep being more and more careful as time goes on. Do you understand how exhausting that is?”

It wasn’t really a surprise to Cassidy that Kip was bringing all of this up, and honestly he was right about it too. It had been a few weeks now, and it was wearing both of them down steadily, but surely. Constantly having to arrange things around one another but still keep being together a secret, never answering their friends questions about their free time anymore, not being able to spend time together while they were at work… It was all very exhausting, yes, but at the same time maybe that was at this point in time still better than potentially facing the backlash of bringing this whole relationship into light.

Cassidy just really had no idea how to tell all that to Kip in a way he would understand it better, especially when he knew just as well as the Brit himself did that Kip was already very well aware of all of these facts too.

“I just wish we could act like… I don’t know, fucking normal I guess, around other people too. I just want to be able to do stuff with you without it being all like this.”

Kip didn’t need to specify what “this” meant in this context, Cassidy already knew it. This was far from the first time they had talked about this, far from the first time either of them had tried to push out some ideas to maybe bring this all into the light. Cassidy less so, but nonetheless, to both of them this was an issue they needed to solve. Eventually more so for Cassidy, if he was being honest. Sure being so secretive was stressful and taxing, but at the same time he felt like this was all working out really well for the two of them, and having to bring it all out to the public when he didn’t know what kind of a general reaction they would get, was probably actually making him feel more anxious than trying to continue to hide it all for as long as possible until the world was ready to hear about the two of them in his mind.

“Whatever. Forget I even asked. I’ll just go alone, it’s fine.”

Before Cassidy could even muster an apology out of him, let alone a reply of any sort, Kip pushed himself up from the bed, picking up his bag on the way as he headed for the bathroom. A heavy sigh escaped from Cassidy as he heard the shower being turned on soon after, knowing that while the conversation was now definitely over for the night, on the long term the struggle had just started. While they hadn’t maybe been together for that long yet, he already had a very clear vision of what kind of a person Kip was especially in a relationship, and Cassidy knew full well when he set his mind onto something like this, Kip wasn’t going to let it go before he got what he wanted. Or something went terribly wrong while he was trying to get his desired results.

Cassidy just wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to give it to him yet. Eventually, obviously, if things between them went on well enough for long enough, they would make it official publicly as well to at least their friends and coworkers. But right now he still wasn’t entirely sure about it. While it didn’t feel very fast, it wasn’t like they had just gotten together yesterday, it had been a couple of weeks at this point, something about it was still off putting to him.

Maybe it was the fact that it had been a while and they were still hiding it. Obviously Kip didn’t really like that anymore, and Cassidy wasn’t even sure why they had carried it out this long. Out of habit probably, but it still felt more comfortable to him than putting it out there. Something about keeping it a secret felt safe, even if it was definitely the more taxing option, and he just wanted to cling onto that feeling maybe.

He shook his head, hand reaching for the remote as he turned the television off before proceeding to prepare himself for bed. It was obvious no more conversations were going to be had tonight, and it was late already, they really did need to sleep in order to be able to get to work tomorrow. Turning the lights off Cassidy listened to the sound of the running water coming from the bathroom as he returned to the bed, settling himself comfortably under the blanket. Kip was taking his sweet time, probably trying to distance himself from the previous conversation, giving them both time to breath. Or at least that’s what Cassidy was hoping for.

Trying to calm his own mind with a couple of deep inhales, Cassidy settled on his spot in the bed, snuggling his head against the pillow and closed his eyes. He was already tired from all the traveling and the mental toll all of this was taking on him, so it didn’t take Cassidy long to fall asleep despite the situation around him.

---------------------------

Navigating his way through backstage, Cassidy was basically looking for any possible glimpse of Kip he could. He hadn’t seen Kip since last night, by the time morning rolled around and Cassidy woke up, Kip was already gone from the hotel room. It wasn’t anything unusual for them to leave at different times to avoid suspicion, but usually they at least had breakfast together before leaving. And this morning Kip was just gone, before he even woke up, which was unusual for him, especially since usually Cassidy was the one that left first as Kip liked to sleep in and took longer in general to get ready for the day.

Cassidy didn’t blame him after what transpired the night before, but truth to be told, he was a little hurt by it all, there was no denying that. At least if something positive came out of this, Cassidy knew now fully where Kip stood with this topic, and it made it easier for him to make up his mind about it too.

Well. At least somewhat easier. Pulling the trigger on something like this especially when you had to afterwards explain to all of your friends why you had been hiding it from them for weeks wasn’t going to be easy. Cassidy already knew that at least Chuck was going to freak out at him no matter what. But at least if that happened, they would easily use his reaction as one of the key example reasons why they had decided to keep it under wraps up until this point.

Finally stopping the fruitless search and pushing the locker room door open, Cassidy was rather surprised to actually find it empty. Usually he was the last one to arrive out of their group, especially when they spent the morning hiding away at the hotel with Kip. Maybe it shouldn’t have been so surprising to him that the rest of the Best Friends hadn’t arrived yet, considering that things hadn’t happened this morning. With a sigh he flung his bag on the couch, taking a seat next to it.

He was going to get to see Kip eventually, that much was for sure. Even if he had gotten so irritated with Cassidy that he somehow would have gone through getting a whole separate hotel room, which Cassidy doubted but wasn’t completely ruling out immediately considering how last night had gone, they still had a big multi men tag team match between their respective groups happening tonight. So at least they were going to be sharing the ring tonight, if not the bed later.

Thankfully he didn’t have to be alone with his thoughts for too long, as soon the door swung open again, Cassidy watching Kris stroll in, a smile landing on her face as soon as she saw the blond sitting on the couch.

“Orange! Perfect!” Cassidy just shrugged back at her as he leaned back on his seat, just kind of hoping tonight would be over quickly. Kris parked her luggage next to the couch before walking around the room, quickly checking in the shower and bathroom before returning to Cassidy. “The rest of the boys are not here yet?”

He shook his head, the smile just growing bigger on her face as Kris threw herself down on the couch next to him. “Good, I wanted to ask you something.”

Cassidy didn’t even have time to let the dread build inside of him before Kris already blurted out the words he had been hoping nobody would be directing at him any time soon.

“Sooooo you are dating someone, aren’t you?”

Cassidy didn’t need to reply, as the way he tensed up visibly at the question already told Kris everything she needed to know, making her gasp a little bit in excitement as she pushed herself up in a proper sitting position on the couch, her eyes never leaving Cassidy as she did. “I knew it! The boys didn’t believe me but I knew it!”

“Kris, please--”

“Who is it? Do I know them? How did you meet? How long have you been together? What--”

“Kris. Please.”

She pouted a little at being interrupted, but quieted down pretty fast seeing how exhausted Cassidy was already about this whole thing. The blond just sighed, removing the sunglasses from his face before he wiped a clearly frustrated hand over it, letting out the sigh.

“If I say yes, will you leave me alone?”

Kris didn’t reply, just watched as Cassidy put the sunglasses back on, trying to relax a little on his seat. He knew it was pointless to try to hide the truth from Kris at this point obviously, but this was also maybe one of the worst possible times she could have actually brought this up with him. Whatever he said, it was either not going to convince her, or she was just going to keep on asking more questions, no matter what. And Cassidy just really didn’t want to think about all of this right now.

“…Sorry.”

Cassidy glanced in her direction, watching Kris’ eyes land on her lap, her fingertips tracing the folds of her jeans as she was trying to find a direction to take this conversation. Cassidy sighed again, shaking his head a little. “It’s fine. Or whatever.”

“Sorry,” she muttered again, reflecting his sigh with a quiet one of her own. “I just got excited. We’ve been speculating about this a lot with the guys and, well…”

Her voice trailed off, but Cassidy just nodded a little. Obviously the lies he had been telling had been easy to read through, honestly he was pretty sure the only reason why Kris was the one thinking along the right lines was because of Chuck and Trent’s denial about the situation, which was probably also why she was the first one confronting him and not either of them. He couldn’t blame her though, not only because she was right, but this was obviously a fairly big deal. Big enough to potentially disrupt the group dynamic even, especially if they found out who it exactly was that Cassidy was involved with.

“…You’re right though.”

Kris looked back up at him, blinking blankly at him a couple of times as she was registering his words in her brain. Cassidy just shrugged. He had no real reason to hide it from her if she had already figured it out up to this point. Denying her the truth only to hopefully eventually bring it up again wasn’t going to leave pretty marks. “But you can’t tell them, okay? We are not…”

He stopped to think about it for a moment, shaking his head slightly. “I’m not ready for that yet.”

For what it was worth, Kip obviously seemed to want to take the next step sooner or later, way earlier than he was ready for it honestly. Cassidy understood his side of things, but then again, Kip didn’t seem to have as much hanging here as he did. He hated to say it, but Kip seemed to have much more supportive friends in this case than he did. He never complained about anyone around him probing him for extra details about his life or the times he didn’t spend around them like the people around Cassidy seemed to do. And he knew Kip loved to complain, so this wasn’t just a thing he didn’t talk to Cassidy about. It just didn’t happen at all, or even nearly to the degree it happened almost on a weekly basis at this point with Cassidy.

He sighed. “I’m not ready for that yet.”

Kris nodded her head, sending him a little encouraging smile. “Of course. Again, sorry, I got a little carried away there. Just… When you’re comfortable, okay? I would love to hear all about it. For support, not for gossip. Obviously.”

Cassidy chuckled a little, glad not only for Kris’ immediate understanding but her lighthearted way of trying to lighten up the mood. “Sure.”

“Just,” she started, eyes trailing off as she glanced around the room, slightly awkwardly trying to look at anything but Cassidy in the moment, “You don’t have to answer, of course, but… Why?” His eyes narrowed at her behind the sunglasses, Kris just shrugging a little. “Why aren’t you ready? Why is this a secret?”

He had a million answers to it that he could give to her. So many ways to say it, so many ways not to. A lie for every truth he had in him. Instead he just motioned vaguely with one lazy hand around him, watching Kris raise a brow at him. Cassidy wasn’t sure what kind of an answer she had been expecting after all that, but apparently it wasn’t really this. But the look in her eyes still told him that she got it.

“…Is it the guys?”

Neither of them was sure why Kris was even asking, as soon as the question left her lips the answer was very obvious. Even more so as almost on cue the locker room door opened again, the two people in question walking into the room, Trent following up in Chuck’s leading footsteps. As both Kris and Cassidy turned towards them Chuck froze on his spot, glancing between the two of them, it being very obvious that they had interrupted something important here.

“Sorry, bad timing?”

Both of them just shook their heads, not answering anything beyond that despite the suspicious look they gathered from Chuck.

---------------------------

He knocked on the locker room door, but was met only with silence. This was expected though and it didn’t falter his plan as Cassidy just pushed the door open, not being surprised in the slightest to find the other man sitting there, sulking all by himself. He was right where he was promised to be.

As he heard the door open, Kip glanced towards it, obviously annoyed as he had wanted to be left alone for a while, a genuine look of surprise crossing his face at the sight of his boyfriend instead of one his stablemates like he had been obviously expecting.

“Clemen--”

Kip stopped himself before the affectionate nickname slipped from his mouth, quickly turning away to hide the slight shade of pink that climbed on his cheeks. Cassidy did his best to pretend he didn’t see any of it as he walked up to the other man, in his head trying to decide if Kip was being so bashful about it because of what had transpired in the ring and he was hurt about it, or if this was about trying to not show such affection towards him in public. He wasn’t entirely sure, but it was probably a bit of both.

“What do you want? Didn’t you already mock me enough out there?”

Cassidy glanced down at the ice pack he was holding in one hand that Kip had obviously missed him carrying, carefully extending it towards Kip, placing it against the side of his face. The Brit flinched away a little, but as Cassidy insisted on holding it against him, Kip hesitantly accepted it into his own hands.

“I didn’t mean to hit you that hard. Sorry.”

Kip muttered something that sounded like an insult back at him, still refusing to look back at Cassidy. The blond observed him for a moment, finally taking a seat on the bench next to him. Kip didn’t look at him, to be honest Cassidy was pretty sure he turned a little bit more away from him actually. The blond opted out to observe his hands as the stiff silence fell in the room between the two of them, it being obvious that some of this tension needed to be relieved one way or another.

Cassidy slowly removed his sunglasses, letting out a quiet sigh.

“Look, I’m sorry. About last night.”

“No you’re not.”

Cassidy’s eyes narrowed as Kip finally turned back towards him, his eyes still wandering around to everything but to look directly at the blond. At this point Cassidy wasn’t entirely sure if the slight reddish color on his face was a blush or a potential bruise starting to form on the side of his face where the Orange Punch had landed earlier.

“You’re not sorry about what happened. I am. I’m the one that was out of line.”

Leaning forward on his seat, Kip leaned his arms against his legs, letting out a sigh. “You were right. It would be all too weird and suspicious if we did any of that. Sorry for even suggesting it.”

He ran a free hand through his hair, shaking his head a little. “I’m just… You know. Fucking tired of all of this.”

As Cassidy remained silent, both of them knowing he didn’t need to say anything to confirm to Kip that he knew exactly what he was talking about, Kip just shook his head again, turning his eyes away from Cassidy.

“I just… I don’t want to just be your dirty little secret forever.”

“You’re not my dirty little secret.” Kip snorted quietly, choosing to sulk a little beyond the shadow of the ice pack again, to avoid eye contact with Cassidy. “Well, you are a secret and definitely dirty, but you know what I mean.”

“Sure do make me feel like I am.”

Cassidy knew this game Kip was playing and how he had the way to twist his words into the way he wanted to hear them, that being nothing but the negative in this case, so he just remained silent, letting the Brit continue talking.

“I hate tiptoeing around everyone else about this or my life in general. I hate it that I can’t just find you and hold you or your hand when I want to, that I can’t just push you against the lockers to kiss you. I hate going home alone and having to wait a week to come back to you for barely a full day before repeating the lonely cycle all over again. I fucking hate all of this.”

Kip let out a soft chuckle, sounding almost disappointed in his own line of thinking. “Fuck, I hate you for making me fall in love enough to keep on doing this.”

Cassidy observed him from the side, knowing full well that everything Kip was saying was genuine, as much as it hurt to think about. Mostly because he felt the same way himself, and not only seeing but also hearing that Kip was willingly making these sacrifices because Cassidy had asked him to, every word felt like a little stab to his heart that he was just forced to take because this was his own doing.

“I know why we are doing this, but…”

“It’s tiring. I know.”

Kip finally looked directly at him, scanning the clearly tired face of the blond, almost as if to try to find some hints of insincerity, like these were just words he was saying because he knew they were ones that Kip wanted to hear, but he came short in his search.

“I don’t like this either. But it’s… It’s for the best right now.”

Kip sighed, but he nodded, knowing Cassidy wasn’t playing him just for fun. They both knew how exhausting this situation was, and the reasons for them keeping it this way, despite how it was affecting everything. They had talked about this a lot, but it didn’t make it much better for Kip, if he was being honest. He couldn’t recount the times he had straight up told Cassidy ‘fuck what anyone else thinks’, but he had still kept his promise to keep it all under the wraps. For him.

He felt a hand land on his tight, Kip’s eyes traveling down to it, a soft smile crossing his lips as he reached his free hand for it, intertwining their fingers together before squeezing Cassidy’s hand carefully.

“The fucking things I do for you,” he sighed, hearing a soft chuckle coming from Cassidy. His thumb carefully petted Kip’s, Cassidy just observing their hands sitting in Kip’s lap before he spoke up again.

“I actually wanted to talk to you about something. Other than apologizing for your face.”

Kip glanced up at him, Cassidy not returning the look as he kept looking at their hands, a little smile playing on his lips as he pondered through his words.

“About what you said last night. I think I might actually take you up on that trip offer.”

Kip’s brows furrowed at him, but Cassidy just kept smiling. “Maybe it would be a good thing. Not for the potential rumors but…” He looked up, directing the smile straight at Kip, leaving no room for any misinterpretations of what he was saying. “Maybe it would be really good for us.”

Cassidy could feel Kip’s grip of his hand tighten a little, a barely noticeable amount, but the man never broke eye contact with him, looking almost surprised at his words. “Really? You… You do want to go with me?”

Cassidy shrugged, but kept on smiling. “Sure, why not? Like you said, we should spend more time together, and having this little getaway could do us some good. See if we can… Hold this together for more than two days at a time or whatever. And without having to worry about someone catching us.”

In a one fell swoop Kip dropped the ice pack from his face and his hand, with his now free hand reaching for Cassidy, pulling him closer by the back of his head for a kiss that was almost as big of a surprise to him as Cassidy’s statement just now was to Kip. Cassidy chuckled softly against the kiss, eventually returning it before Kip cut it short by pulling away again, looking away almost instantly as a shade of regret crossed his face as he realized what he had just done.

“Shit, sorry, I-I didn’t mean to. You just… Really surprised me.”

Cassidy just shrugged it off with a smile. It wasn’t uncharacteristic for Kip to act this affectionate, especially when put on a spot, but they had been extra careful and making sure such acts of affection weren’t done in public, which was the part that caught him off guard. Cassidy reached his hand for Kip’s face, landing it on his cheek, turning him back towards him.

Him blushing like that was so endearing to Cassidy.

“Your friends won’t bother us for a while. It’s alright.”

A soft smile crossed Kip’s lips, but Cassidy was sure he could see a little smirk also tucking in the corners of his mouth as Kip registered his words.

“Oh thank god.”

Before Cassidy could reply, Kip grabbed a handful of his shirt, pulling him close for another kiss, this time clearly intentional enough that Kip wasn’t going to let him go any time soon. Which suited him just fine, as Cassidy didn’t want him to, allowing his free hand to run through Kip’s hair as he let the Brit deepen the kiss.

[graveyard-darlingg]

i think i would like a hug actually... it was a stressful morning, after last night not being very nice either. im just glad i got to talk to you, and still get to

umm i dont know, i just think that while artemis is kind of the closest that greek mythology comes to feminism, shes too angry at women. like yes, she doesn't want to be married, she wants to be free, but she doesn't have to be angry at love in its entirety, y'know? im not sure if it makes sense. im for some of what she does, though

i see myself as a doll because, in specific, porcelain dolls are very fragile and whatnot. which is very me! plus they're pretty and soft and pliant, also very me. if it were up to me, i think id be a life sized doll, or even a regular actual doll perhaps - i break under pressure a lot, so i like the idea of not having to do much but sit there and have my hair brushed gently. im not sure if it comes across as odd, though

cello is so beautiful! one of my neighbors owns one and has offered to let me borrow it if i replace the strings. also i adore classical music (i have a very wide range of music taste) and my favorite is the swan by camille saint-saens!! i have a whole playlist on spotify of classical music i like though

i can show you some art in my next ask!! i am a bit shy so you not posting it would be nice... but i really would love to show you some things, though im far from a professional

fanfiction!! i write that too eheheh so no judgement here !! i have a 50k+ word long fanfic that isnt even halfway done! im so very proud of it. in general ive written over 200k words, though it isn't exactly thaaat much. ive always adored writing. acoustic guitar sounds amazing!!!! i adore all types of guitar so much, and i bet you're a lot more talented than i could be. im not very good at string instruments (says the one who wants to be a cello artist)

-🎭

giving you a biiiiig hug, my dear. i’m sorry you’ve had such a a stressful morning. sending you so much comfort right now. i’d always be more than happy to have you in my inbox, so feel free to chat me up as much as you’d like!

also!!! i totally get that! i’m not very familiar with artemis except for a few things — like a few of her associations, so i totally get why you think about her that way!!

as for your relation to porcelain dolls, i don’t think that’s odd at all!! i completely understand it! there’s something so enticing about being treated gently and with tender care. since you draw, do you have an oc in relation to this perhaps?

yes yes yes!!! classical music is so &;8($494 !!! if you ever pick up the cello, would you mind telling me how it goes? cello is so hauntingly beautiful. string instruments are hard, yes, but i know you’d be able to do it!! it just takes practice!!

as for guitar, i’m not very good at it 💀💀 i think i learned like. one song? it was my heart i surrender by i prevail. the solo was super hard since you have to do several hammer-ons and slide all the way up the neck and then halfway down. i also had to substitute barred chords for chords that sound the same — except the fingering is different. it was a hard first song to learn 💀💀 the second i learned it, i forgor though.

i would love to see your art!! i’ll keep it in my inbox for you, my dear. also, i’m sure it’s beautiful. i understand feeling shy, but im not going to shit on your art, i promise. all art is beautiful.

it’s super cool that you write fanfiction too!! that’s awesome!! a 50k word fic is super long, oh my gosh. and 200k words?!?? oh my god, that’s dedication if i’ve ever seen it!! that’s amazing, sweetheart.

[pinkseas]

[parasocial bestie] GOOD EVENING BESTIE!!!! CHEERING U ON!!!! although itll take another few days weeks months for u to finish the fic its totally understandable why it takes that long like!! even as an artist, working on a supposed 4 hr art can take Weeks without that energy. it could be me who doesnt write tho but id always think writers have it hardest to do all the brain connecting the Thinking the Gears Moving in their head to figure out every scene every dialog every word that fits to get a perfect imagery of sumn and i respect dat... i respect yew!!!! SO DO UR BEST ALYYYYYY ILYSM YOURE DOING SO GREAT WITH UR CURRENT WORDCOUNT ALREADY 💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💖💞💞💕💓💖💓💕💓💖💓💓💓💖💓💕💓💖💓💖💓💓💖💞💕💞💖💓💖💓💖💓 ONTO THE NEXT FEW THOUSAND UR SO CLOSE 👊👊👊👊 BEATS THE BURNOUT BEATS EVERYTHING THAT STOPS U FROM WRITING AND BEING THE BESTEST 👊👊👊💥💥👊💥💥💥👊💥💥💥

NO BC LIKE AS SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T DO ART. i will never ever ever understand how u guys do it. anyone can picture things in their mind to some degree but how in the everloving FUCK do you make that picture REAL>?????????????? proportions shading colors how the FUCK do you do the little glowy thing how do you make it Look Right how do you make it Look Good like. ive been doing creative writing in various ways to various degrees for over a decade now and i am still So Very Mediocre i STILL couldnt explain to you how i do it or how it happens and im sure if i had that same experience with art itd be different but. i do Not have that experience with art. so instead i stare at said art and go Hey Genuinely How The Hell Did You Do That and love it with all my heart

i dont even understand how other writers write like wdym you have a PLOT you have PACING you have proper balance between characters pertaining to who you want to focus on the most/least what do you MEANNNNNN you found the most gorgeous words and turns of phrase to make something sound Exactly write or get an Exact image into someones head like. HELLO ????????????????

dorry that got away from me i may be okay at writing but i am SO very fucking good at rambling every time without fail amen <3

anyways more importnatly GOOD EVENING I LOVE U SO SO SO FUCKING BAD I SAW THIS AND IMMEDIATELY WENT 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 & then powercry emoji x2345987345 like man. MAN.

onto the next few thousand 😁😁😁 <- words of someone who would KILL to be able to accomplish this tone and such in So Many Fewer Words but who does Not Know How To Do That so ten hundred billion words it is 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

THANK U FOR BEATING UP THE BURNOUT I RLY NEED IT like its barely gotten in the way yet ive taken enough breaks given myself enough time it is just SO FRUSTRATINGGGGGGGGGGG knowing that i need those breaks and need that time like why am i not allowed to just be the specialest person in the whole wide world who never burns out ever hm? hmmm? do i not deserve it have i not suffered enough

not to be soooo silly but i genuinely cannot express how much it means to me and how much it has meant to me from the very first little comment that you just. IDK IDK IDK. you care so much and you're so fucking NICE about it and so passionate about it and EVERY single time we ramble about ANYTHING it inspires and pushes me so much and i love love love talking to you and like. u simply did not need/do not need to be constantly so fucking sweet and encouraging and wonderful about everything all the time ever but then you Are and then i die and and and <- maybe its a good thing i didnt try forcing myself to write too much this morning if this is the way im wording things today 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 idk it is just. ily so bad and i am so so happy and grateful every time i see u in my silly little inbox and to this day i owe u my Life for the thoughts that u have brought to my silly little brain and

yeha. yeah. yeah. Yeah. explodes into a billion pieces

[crossroadsandloudmusic]

Hey y’all!! Finished this request up for anon. Anon, if you are still out there I hope you enjoy the fic! I loved your idea and ran with it, I hope it is to your liking!!!!

Anyways, I’ll be writing some more later this week and if I’m being honest it is prolly just going to be Yandere/smut. I have a prompt list as long as my arm and I’ll be getting started on that here soon.

Let me know if y’all have suggestions as to what I should write!

As always request are always open!!

Tips/criticism welcome!!!!

Please enjoy!!

warnings: fluff, swords, blood, graphic descriptions of gore, death, (etc.)

The sunlight illuminated the light gray room; it was well into morning now. And although it made him sick to be in bed this late, Tanjiro was ordered to be on bed rest for the next couple of days. Laying on his back he stared at the ceiling wondering how the rest of the team were recovering. Inosuke laid to his right, still loudly snoring. He had only suffered minor fractures such as a few broken ribs. Zenitsu’s injuries on the other hand, remained to be unknown as he was asleep on arrival and still was sleeping now. But then a more troubling thought came to mind. What happened to (y/n)? The last thing he remembered was seeing you charge across the battlefield, the handle of your katana in one hand and the actual blade itself in the other. It had been broken by the demon you were all fighting; you had pinned the demon to the ground and held the blade horizontally. You intend to mash the blade into his neck with brute strength, in the process you cut the demon’s hands and fingers into ribbons. Most importantly you snapped your blade.

Slowly the memories came back to Tanjiro, as he remembered that immediately following this the demon fled trying to get away from you as fast as he could. He could see your reckless bloodlust and knew if he stuck around any longer he wouldn’t live to see another day. Tanjiro’s last memory was that of you covered in your own blood wielding the fractured sword, running after the demon. He remembered your deadly laughter as you pursued the demon.

Breaking the calm nature of the estate, a loud commotion could be heard down the hall. It sounded as if someone were yelling and knocking things out of their way.

“I DONT NEED ANYMORE MEDICINE! AND I DONT NEED ANYMORE PHYSICAL THERAPY! I HAVE THINGS I NEED TO DO AND I CANT GET THEM DONE HERE IF IM LAYING IN BED!” Yelled a voice from down the hall.

Immediately Tanjiro sat up, recognizing the voice as your own.

“You can’t take the boys with you, they haven’t fully recovered yet!” Wailed Sumi.

“They are too weak to leave! They’ll get hurt!” Cried Naho

“Let them stay here just until they gain back all of their strength!” Pleaded Kiyo.

All three pulled at your clothes and limbs, still you moved forward. Pulling the girls behind you.

Tanjiro could hear the young girl’s begs as they got closer and closer to his door. When suddenly he heard the footsteps stop, and all was quiet for a fraction of a second.

Suddenly the door slammed open, all three of the boys jumped in unison from the noise. Zenitsu and Inosuke now wide awake and on alert searching for the sound that pulled them out of such a sweet slumber. In the doorway you stood, hands on your hips. Your uniform in tatters, your face and hands covered in bandages. Tanjiro noticed that there still appeared to be a bit of dried blood in your (h/c) hair.

“Rise and shine boys! Time to get moving!” You announced as you looked at the young men’s confused faces.

“You’re alive?!” Asked Zenitsu still shocked by you standing in their room, seemingly in a great mood, all things considered.

“Of course I’m alive! I’m the (y/b/t) pillar! A hashira! Who do you think carried you all this way, hm?” You asked Zenitsu who now was even more baffled, you were at the brink of death and you carried the three of them to safety?

“Did you kill the demon?” Asked Inosuke sitting at the end of his bed.

“You bet I did, a broken sword can’t stop me!” You said as you smiled and winked at him.

————————————————————————-

After successfully kidnapping the injured boys, you five made your way back to your own estate. There the five of you had been staying as you were taking them under your wing and training them.

Your training was a bit unconventional, as instead of training them as if you were a wise master you trained from the heart. You fought from the heart, you let your undying hatred and insatiable bloodlust take control of your body. This resulted in you being known as reckless and erratic, many did not admire these qualities because they felt you lacked discipline and control. Which wasn’t far from the truth, but this was who you are and you weren’t going to change that because someone didn’t like the way you handled business.

Also with your rash fighting style came the problem of wielding your sword correctly. Instead of seeing it as a beautiful extension of your body, you saw it as a tool. A sharp tool that cuts and kills, and sometimes tools break. And when a tool breaks you get another one. That’s just how you saw it and the blacksmith never seemed to care much, besides you were giving him plenty of business were you not?

“So what happened after you broke your sword?” Questioned Tanjiro as you four sat inside your home.

“Well, I picked up the pieces, chased after that demon till I caught him and then I cut his head off as he begged for mercy.” You said in a matter-of-fact tone; taking a sip of your tea as if you were discussing the weather. Zenitsu shuddered at your coldness, you terrified him. Inosuke laughed and cheered at your response.

Tanjiro sat and thought quietly, it was intense how cold blooded you were. Still though you weren’t like this with everyone and every demon. He noticed how caring you could be to them and even though you were reluctant about Nezuko, you never said an ill word to or about her. Even when you first met you had always been welcoming, regardless if you were a little nervous about her.

Then a sickening thought came to his mind. Your sword. You had broken your sword. That means Hotaru Haganezuka would be bringing you another. He trembled at the thought.

“You…you...you broke your sword right? What are you going to do?” Tanjiro asked, clearly distressed.

You cocked your eyebrow as if to ask why he was acting so nervous.

“What do you mean? I’ll just get Hotaru to make me another one, duh.” You said blatantly.

“Wha...wha… What do you mean just get him to make you another? Have you ever met Hotaru?!” He almost yelled.

“Well of course I have! Why are you making such a big deal, the guy is a blacksmith, he makes swords. I broke mine so I’ll just get him to make me a new one. He’s done it before.” You said, still confused at Tanjiro’s sudden change in behavior.

“Besides, he’s coming over this afternoon to get the pieces of my old one so he can make the new one.” You said taking another sip of your tea.

“He’s coming here!? This afternoon?! Before?! How many swords have you broken?!” He questioned loudly.

“Eh, I don’t know. Five, maybe six, more or less.” You replied nonchalantly. Tanjiro almost collapsed, he had broken one and lost another. Hotaru intended to beat him to a pulp the first time, and the second time Tanjiro was sure he was going to kill him. But you. You had broken five of his swords. Five of his masterpieces. Hotaru would surely stop at nothing to exact his revenge. Five swords was no longer punishable by death, but instead cruel and unusual torture. Tanjiro would be terrified but he would protect you at all costs.

————————————————————————-

As the three you sat, and enjoyed what was a relaxing evening a knock came at the door. Tanjiro stiffened and stood up with you. You gave him another confused glance and approached the door. He waited with baited breath, he expected at any moment Hotaru would burst through that door with two large knives in hand.

When you reached the door, Tanjiro assumed a fighting stance. He would be ready for anything.

You opened the door and smiled.

“Haganezuka! It’s good to see you again! Please come in!”

————————————————————————-

This was terrifying, absolutely terrifying.

Hotaru stood quietly and awaited your return patiently. You went to retrieve the shards of your previous sword and asked to wait just a second while you got them, to which he immediately obliged and had since stood almost perfectly still.

Perhaps he was so angry he was calm? Maybe he was waiting till you came back before he attacked? Regardless of what trick he had up his sleeve Tanjiro stood ready for anything.

Yet nothing came, instead you came back and handed him the pieces in a small burlap sack.

“Here it is! Everything is in there, even the handle. I look forward to getting my new one!” You said with a smile as you handed him the sack.

Hotaru took the sack from your hands and held it closely, he bowed deeply and said

“Thank you, (L/n)san. I will begin my work right away. Your swords take priority.”

Thank you? Right away? Priority?

Tanjiro was dumbfounded, this was not the Hotaru he had met before. The Hotaru he met would have chased you for hours on end and if he caught you. You would have been unrecognizable. But this Hotaru waited patiently and was polite. What was even more disturbing was that this Hotaru almost seemed to adore you?

The way he waited, the way he gratefully accepted your broken sword, the way he spoke to you, the way he watched your every move. All of it was so peculiar, did Hotaru favor you in a way?

You walked Hotaru outside and on the engawa you shared some parting words.

“Have a safe trip back! It’s been so good seeing you again, Hotaru.” You said as you pulled Hotaru into a warm embrace.

This is what he had been craving. Your touch, your voice, your scent. He held you close to him until you pulled away, immediately he missed your touch. He knows it was only a friendly gesture but he couldn’t help but want it more, he wanted you close to him always. Forever and ever beside him. But until he had the guts to truly confess his love for you, he’d have to settle with making you a new sword every time you needed one. He’d make a thousand swords for you, if he could experience these small but sweet interactions.

“I will be back in several days. I will forge only the best for you, a sword that will be worthy for you to hold.” Hotaru spoke quietly as he bowed once more.

“You always do.” You said with a smile that never failed to melt his heart. He was grateful for his mask or else you’d surely see the blushing mess he was.

Hotaru took his leave and disappeared down the trail.

As you stepped back inside you whispered to yourself

“Such a sweet guy, why hasn’t someone snatched him up and made him a husband yet?”

————————————————————————-

“I don’t know what you were so worried about Tanjiro, Hotaru is always so polite.” You said as you walked through the door. Tanjiro now sat with his legs crossed, the most perplexed look on his face.

————————————————————————-

As soon as Hotaru made it back to his home, he threw himself into his work. He would work for hours on end, never once taking a break. This was for you, this would be for you. He’d pour his heart and soul into this sword, the sword you would carry into battle.

————————————————————————-

“AND HE HASN’T EVER CHASED YOU FOR HOURS?!” Tanjiro raged.

“Hm...No, not that I recall.” You absentmindedly answered while flipping through your book.

“HE NEVER THREATENED TO MURDER YOU?!”

“No, not once.”

Tanjiro’s reactions to your replies made you laugh internally. You knew that Hotaru had a reputation of overreacting to his swords being destroyed by the younger slayers. Still Tanjiro didn’t have to know that you knew.

“Tanjiro, I just don’t believe that Hotaru would do something like that. You saw how polite he was this afternoon.” You said still not looking from your book.

“I KNOW THATS MY POINT! HAD IT BEEN ME WHO BROKE MY SWORD HE WOULD HAVE CHASED ME UNTIL SUNSET!” Yelled Tanjiro.

“See that’s the thing I don’t understand. You were here this afternoon when he came by, and he didn’t chase or harass you then.” You said still wanting your little game to continue.

“He didn’t notice anyone else was here.” Said Zenitsu as he chewed on some ohagi.

After understanding what Zenitsu meant by his comment a slight blush ran across your face. The thought that Hotaru had only been focused on you made your heart jump. He has always been so kind to you, and he never once complained about consistently having to make you new swords. Maybe, Hotaru did have feelings for you. That was ridiculous, surely you would have noticed before now, right? Then again why had he always treated you so kindly?

The idea that Hotaru had taken a liking to you wasn’t a bad thought. In fact, you could feel your heart flutter at the thought of you two being a bit more friendly with one another. And he was quite attractive, at least from the bit that you saw of him. He was muscular and rather tall as well, underneath the spotted cloth on his head you could see strands of long black hair. Every time he came to deliver your new sword you hoped you would get a glance of his face.

Lost deep in thought you hadn’t realized how quiet the room had gotten. When you looked up from your book you saw Tanjiro, Zenitsu, and Inosuke all staring with cheeky grins; giggling like schoolgirls. It was obvious they had seen you blush at the thought that Hotaru was interested in you.

“WHAT ARE ALL YOU LOOKING AT?!” You yelled as you jumped up out of your chair.

“I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT HOTARU IS JUST NICE!” You said before running out of the house. The boys erupted in laughter.

————————————————————————-

“Did you see the way she was blushing?” Asked Tanjiro as he cleaned the floors; running back and forth in front of Zenitsu who was seated on a cushion.

“I guess she didn’t realize Hotaru had the hots for her.” Zenitsu said.

Suddenly Tanjiro stopped and smiled the biggest smile he could.

“Zenitsu! I have a wonderful idea! We should get them together!” He beamed feeling brilliant after coming up with such an idea.

“WHAT?! AND RISK FEELING THE WRATH OF (Y/N) AND HOTARU?! ARE YOU INSANE?!” Yelled Zenitsu angry Tanjiro would be putting him in such a dangerous situation. His vision of you in his mind was of you standing in a lawless battlefield surrounded by flames, sword in hand ready to cut down anyone who crossed you. He shivered at the thought.

“Just think about it Zenitsu! Imagine how happy they’d be together! Besides, Hotaru is always working on his swords and (y/n) is always on missions. Maybe they need something a little more...normal?” Said Tanjiro with a bit of sympathy in his voice. It was true, you were always on missions, in fact this was the first time you had been home in months; your house was covered in a thick layer of dust. There was no doubt that you loved exterminating demons, but the reason you were obsessed with killing them was a little more deeper than that. The day you became a slayer your promised yourself that you would stop at nothing to avenge the ones you loved, your family, your friends, the entire village. All of which had been destroyed; you stood in wreckage gathering all the bodies you could find. One by one you would bury your entire town. After everyone received a final resting place and a proper funeral you would then search for a way. A way to bring them comfort in the afterlife.

“Will you help me?”

“Fine, I’ll help you. BUT IF (Y/N) OR HOTARU GET ANGRY I'M TELLING THEM IT WAS YOUR IDEA!”

————————————————————————-

Together the three devised a plan that would be the envy of most any man. They would send a fake mission through your crow, saying that there was a demon on the prowl in the wisteria grove. After hearing this you would send a message to Hotaru asking him to put a rush on that sword and meet you there. Before this they will have adorned the trees with lanterns, strings of flowers, and beautiful vines. And when the two of you met in the middle, they’d ignite the lanterns to illuminate the scene. A place so romantic you both would have no choice but to confess your love for each other!

Quickly they got to work. Tanjiro ordered Inosuke to climb each tree and place a lantern on the lowest branches, after he was done each tree had two lanterns. Zenitsu was to collect as many willow vines as he could, then he would braid them making long thick vines that would hang from the trees and create almost a curtain. Tanjiro was on the hunt for the most beautiful smelling flowers, of course he grabbed some wisteria but he also collected tons of wild flowers he had seen in the area. He made bunches of glorious bouquets to hang in the trees, in the middle of the vine guarded circle he sprinkled hundreds of flower petals. The sight was delightful, the boys had put in so much work into this. Now their only hope was that neither of you two killed them after finding out their plan.

After putting the finishing touches on their creation they rushed back to your estate to enact the second part of their plan.

“Please, we need you to do this for us. What do you want? We will give you anything! How about birdseed? How about worms, we will get on our hands and knees and dig for all the grubs you want! Please just do us this little tiny favor.” Tanjiro pleaded with your crow who was pondering their request.

After much begging and negotiating, it was settled that Inosuke would dig for grubs and get as many as he could find, Zenitsu would give him an extra scope of birdseed while you weren’t looking.

Now all they had to do was wait. You had to go to a hashira meeting and would be back before too much longer, still the wait made them anxious. Tanjiro sat drumming his fingers waiting for you to arrive, Inosuke laid out flat on the floor snoozing, while Zenitsu trembled and paced the floor.

“Tanjiro, what if they find out.” He whimpered, tears flowing from his eyes.

“They will find out! We will tell them as soon as they confess to each other!” Tanjiro said happily even though he was slightly nervous.

“Tanjiro! You didn’t tell me that!” He cried.

On the other side of the door they could hear your light footsteps, quietly you slid the door open and stepped inside.

“How was the meeting?” Tanjiro chirped with an overall enthusiastic smile on his face.

“Depressing. It is hard hearing about all the young slayers that have been killed.” You said not meeting his eyes, opting to go sit down on your futon.

“I don’t want to do anything this evening except lay here, you boys cool with that?” You asked, pulling the cover over your head.

None of the boys replied. Zenitsu ran and gripped Tanjiro’s haori.  Both looked at each other with worried expressions.

Perhaps, this was not the best time for such a ruse.

Before you could get properly settled in, the jarring sound of your crows' cries came from outside. Instantly you jumped from your bed and ran to your closet. First you grabbed your slayer uniform, then your belt. You ran down the hall and into your separate room to change. In a flash you were dressed, for one last final touch you slipped on your tabi boots; fastening them as you fled to the door. You crashed through the door and out into the yard, you searched the sky till you spotted your crow.

“Hey! What’s the big idea? I don’t have a sword yet!” You yelled to your crow who was making small circles in the sky.

“Southeast! Southeast! Head southeast!” The crow called as he refused to elaborate.

“Go to Hotaru Haganezuka! Tell him to put a rush on that sword and meet me there. Tanjiro, Zenitsu, Inosuke!”

All three boys ran out onto the engawa, dressed with swords at their hips.

“Follow me, we have a mission. Let’s go!”

————————————————————————-

Together you ran, the boys a couple lengths behind you. Tanjiro’s crow led the way and soon you’d all arrive to your destiny.

————————————————————————-

Your crow flew hard and fast, when you gave him orders he always intended to follow through to the best of his ability, even if he was bribed into misleading you.

After a long flight he arrived at Hotaru's home, outside he cawed hoping to alert the man inside.

Hotaru had been hard at work forging your new sword; he intended on making it absolutely perfect. Therefore it was nowhere near finished, even after the countless hours and days he pushed himself to work.

The sound of a Kasugai crow calling his name broke him out of trance. Already enraged that no doubt the crow was coming to report a slayer had broken one his swords, he stormed outside slamming his door behind him. But before he could voice his exasperation the crow spoke,

“The (y/b/t) pillar! (Y/n)! She needs her sword! She’s on her way to a mission! Meet her at the wisteria grove Southeast!” Your crow called.

Hotaru’s heart sank, you were going into battle now? And you had nothing but your bare hands to defend yourself with, he’d have to improvise. With all his speed he ran inside; he tore his forge apart. He couldn’t possibly expect you to wield a half made sword, it was still glowing hot and lacked a handle. He fumbled through everything till he found them; a pair of wakizashi swords he made as a prototype for a previous hashira. They were not your usual weapon of choice, but they had been forged by the same metal as his katanas; he knew you’d have no trouble wielding them.

Throwing them into a wooden case, he wrapped them in a soft cloth. Hurriedly he slammed the case closed and threw it over his shoulder as he bolted out the door.

————————————————————————-

He followed your crow with great determination, he wasn’t going to fail you. Even so the most dreadful thoughts came to his mind. What if he arrived too late? What if his last sight of you was the life leaving your body? This pushed him to go harder, he would not leave you empty handed.

He forced those terrible thoughts out of his mind, the only thing he thought about now was his breathing. In and out, in and out.

————————————————————————-

“I’ll be meeting Hotaru here, you boys search the area. Tanjiro and Zenitsu search the village, Inosuke search the woods.” You ordered.

“Yes!” All three said in unison. Due to how seriously you were taking this impromptu mission, the boys got a little caught up in it too. Tanjiro had become a lot more serious and concerned even though he had concocted the fake mission. He turned to look at Zenitsu who was staring at you trembling.

“But (y/n), you don’t have a sword, what are you going to do if the demon shows up?” He asked, tears flowing from his eyes.

“Don’t you know anything about me Zenitsu? I’ve always got a trick up my sleeve.” You said with a sly smirk. You pulled back your sleeve to reveal three insanely sharp throwing knives; each one had a purple tip. Little did Zenitsu know these knives were laced with wisteria; a small touch both you and Shinobu worked on.

“Come on hurry, Zenitsu. We have to go.” Tanjiro said while pulling him by the collar of his haori.

“But Tanjiro! What are we going to do if she gets hurt!” He cried.

Once out of earshot, Tanjiro pulled Zenitsu aside.

“We’ve got to stick to the original plan, remember? Hotaru will be here any minute and we’ve got to be ready!” Tanjiro said with a bright smile.

“First we will go patrol the village, then by the time we get back Hotaru will surely have made it.”

Together they took off towards the village.

————————————————————————-

The wait was long and uneventful, you sat at the edge of the grove making patterns in the soft dirt. This was weird, all of it was, why were you given a mission on such short notice. Wouldn’t Master Kagaya have said something during the meeting, besides he knew you didn’t have a sword. Something was not right and it made you nervous. You stood to the sound of your crow calling, they must be close you thought to yourself.

You watched the sky patiently, over the horizon your bird came into view.  He flew straight till he met the middle of the wisteria grove, to which he swooped in and landed.

————————————————————————-

“Hotaru? Hotaru? Hotaru?” You called as you parted what seemed to be a curtain of vines. When you stepped inside your eyes searched in the darkness, you could barely make out a thing. Slowly you backed up, anticipating an attack from any direction.

Suddenly a twig snapped from behind you, pinpointing exactly where the sound originated, you dipped and swept your leg. First a loud thud hit the ground followed by a low groan.

————————————————————————

“Zenitsu, has (y/n) made it inside yet?” Tanjiro loudly whispered

“OH NO! IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE’S BEATING HIM UP!” Yelled Zenitsu after hearing your attack.

“INOSUKE! LIGHT THE LANTERNS!” Tanjiro ordered.

In a flash, Inosuke jumped from his perch high in an oak tree. On his way down he lit a match on the roof of his mouth, when he made his way to the ground he found the fuse that connected all the lanterns together.

As soon as the match touched the end of the fuse a bright spark appeared zoomed down the line causing everything in its wake to turn to ash. They lost sight of the spark as it quickly rounded the corner and into the bush; a bright light illuminated the otherside.

————————————————————————-

“Oh Hotaru! I'm som sorry! I had no idea it was you, here let me help you up!” You said apologetically as you helped Hotaru off of the ground.

“No, no, no I should have said something so as not to catch you so off guard.” He replied. The truth was that he had been so captivated by you. You left him speechless.

“How was the tri-oh.” You caught his eyes, this had been the first time you had seen him without his mask. He looked at you confused till he realized his mistake, he had been in such a rush he had forgotten his mask. He was handsome, very handsome at that. His long dark hair flowed to his shoulders, his dark eyebrows perfectly rested above his sharp eyes. After staring at him for what seemed like ages you snapped out of your trance.

“Oh! Oh no! I’m sorry! Again! Here I’ll cover my eyes!” You said as you turned your back to him covering your eyes.

“No it’s alright, I don’t mind if you see me!” He said he reached out for you. He pulled your hands away from your eyes and held them gently. He smiled when he met your gaze. How pretty you looked in the soft orange light, your (h/c) shimmering in the dance of the flames.

‘Such a beautiful sight’ he thought to himself as his thumb gently rubbed the top of your hand.

“Hotaru? You wouldn’t have my sword with you do you?” You asked, peering at the box that had been knocked out of his hands when he fell.

“Of course, (L/n)san! Please, excuse me.” He said sheepishly as he reached for the box.

“Well, they aren’t exactly your sword but I had these two, they are one of the first ones I made for Uzui Tengen. I’m sorry, (y/n). I wasn’t able to make your sword in time.” He said as he bowed, holding the swords up to you. You took them in your hands and swung them simultaneously.

“Flashy. I like em, Hotaru. Mind if I keep em.” You asked, admiring the weapons in your hands.

Hotaru looked up at you, in his eyes there wasn’t a more glorious scene. You held his creation with such pride and joy.

He didn’t care that you were reckless, and wild. In his eyes you were a symbol of beauty and strength, someone as perfect as you should not exist in the real world; only in books and folktales.

“These swords are just about as beautiful as how you’ve decorated the trees. You getting sweet on me, Hotaru?” You asked observing the vines and trees all decorated with flowers.

“The lanterns are a nice touch, it looks like you put a lot of hard work into all this. This is very nice.” You said as you continued to look around you.

“What’s the occasion?” You asked, turning to look at Hotaru who stood with his hands behind his back. He looked at you confused, you had thought he had put all this together? For you? Seeing you so pleased by this made him curse himself for not coming up with a similar gesture.

“I...I...I-” Hotaru stuttered before loud running could be heard tearing through the brush.

“(Y/n)! (Y/n)! (Y/n)!” Called Tanjiro from the otherside of the vines. Soon Zenitsu, Inosuke, and Tanjiro with Nezuko in tow, fell through the barrier.

“What’s going on? Did you find the demon?” You asked.

“No, the village and forest were all clear! What should we do now?” They asked. Their gaze then turned to Hotaru who was sheepishly standing behind you waiting for your attention once more. All three boys began to grin and giggle amongst themselves. You took in the situation and blushed slightly from their reaction.

“Are we interrupting something?” Asked Zenitsu with a sly grin. To which Inosuke began to laugh from seeing your reaction.

“Zenitsu! Inosuke! Come on, they are clearly having a romantic conversation that we should not interfere with! They would like to talk in private!” Tanjiro said confidently as he hoisted Zenitsu and Inosuke under his arms.

“Oooooo Hotaru! How romantic! Such a beautiful place to have a date!” Yelled Inosuke and Zenitsu as they were being carried away. Hotaru blushed at their comments and had you not been standing so close he would have chased them till they collapsed. But before the boys were out of sight they turned to look at Hotaru, they all three grinned widely and held up their thumbs. Tanjiro mouthed the words,

‘You got this!’ Before shoving both of his thumbs in the air.

They were...helping him? They had pulled this all together to help him? Surely not, especially after how many times he threatened to kill Tanjiro. This had to be deeper than that, why else would they go out of their way to make such a gesture? Unless...you felt the same way towards him? Quickly he pushed the idea out of his head, there was no way you felt so warmly towards him. He was just your swordsmith, the person behind the scenes. You were an achieved warrior, someone who others could look to in a time of need.

“Hotaru? Did you put this all together for me?” You asked, tearing him away from his thoughts.

“I-I did!” He stammered out quickly.

“What was the reason for such a gesture? Is there something you would like to tell me?” You asked Hotaru, turning to face him. Although you kept a cool exterior, inside your heart was doing flips. Was he about to confess to you? Was this what you had been looking for all along? Perhaps, revenge and justice wouldn’t fill the whole in you but maybe affection and acceptance would?

“(Y/n), I have something I have to tell you.” He spoke clearly now and stood tall. Now was his chance to lay everything out that had been on his heart.

“I’m tired of living like this. I’m tired of hiding behind my mask. I’m tired of only being near you when I bring you another sword. No, I’m done living like this.” He said before he approached you and pulled you to his chest by your arms; blades falling from your hands.

“Hotaru? What are you-” his lips cut off your words before another one could be uttered. He pulled you into such a passionate kiss, a one that conveyed years of pent up emotions. All came flowing out in an instant.

You melted in his embrace, his hands moved from your arms to your face. He cupped your head so gently. His touch was full of love and adoration. Never in your life had you felt such a feeling. This had been everything you had been looking for.

Slowly he pulled away, still holding your face. In the distance quiet cheers could be heard.

————————————————————————-

When you entered your home your eyes immediately looked for the boys. The three sat side by side grinning from ear to ear. You put your hands to your hips and donned a serious look.

“Is there something you boys would like to tell me?” You questioned.

You knew the boys were behind it all, and still you played along. Because in the end, you got everything you had ever dreamed of wanting. And it wasn’t revenge, justice, or vengeance, but a chance to live. To live not for those who passed but for yourself.

Yours and Hotaru’s relationship blossomed from that day forth. Days after missions were spent together, oftentimes you stayed with him when you were home.

You’d sit and watch as he’d forge his blades with incredible passion. After the day was long over, and you convinced him he worked hard enough, the two of you would spend your evenings in each other's arms; always falling asleep entangled with one another.

You were his pride and joy. You sat so patiently, watching him work.

‘Such a pretty thing’ he thought to himself when he happened to steal a glance. Of course, he still made you a new sword whenever you needed one, but now he could impose a “punishment” he saw fit. Then again he never heard you complain.

“Hotaru! It’s me! I’m back! Hotaru?” You called as you entered his home, your last mission had been long and time consuming so once it was finished you immediately ran home.

As you walked in, Hotaru rounded the corner from his room with his hands behind his back.

“Close your eyes, my spiderlily. I have a surprise for you.” He came behind you and put his hand over your eyes. You jittered with excitement. His other hand moved in front of you.

“Now open them.” He said softly as he withdrew his hand from in front of your face.

In his hand was a beautiful bundle of wild flowers and wisteria blossoms, fresh from the spring weather.

You squealed and jumped with joy, you immediately wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling Hotaru in a smothering embrace. He buried his head into your neck and squeezed you back even harder.

“Oh Hotaru, they are just like the ones from the grove! They are beautiful! I love them so much!” You cried as you held them close and smelled them.

“I may have had some help.” Hotaru replied with a wide smile across his face.

“They are perfect!”

“You are perfect.”

[hitoshisbabygirl]

Author's Notes ♡: hello hello! Welcome to another BNHAREM collab! This theme of office/work au just gave me so many ideas for some other characters I’m excited! Anywhooo I enjoyed writing this fic out a lot and surprised at how long it is actually! I tried to do a bit of progress between the reader and Shinsou but it might seem a bit jumpy, it’s over the course of a few months jump betweeneach scene!I hope you guys enjoy and check out the others fics too!! ~ bunny ❥

Warnings : NSFW! Tying up (only a little?) , pet names! (Kitten slut and princess!) oral (f! receiving) and I think that’s all!

Word count : 5.5k (another big boy!)

Paring(s) : Shinsou Hitoshi x F!reader

Summary : Falling for your boss was a feat in itself, but what happens when he wants you for himself the same way you do?

Enjoy ♡

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Working as a pro heros assistant has its perks and stressors, especially when the one you work for is the spitting image and personality of the one Mr. Shouta Aizawa ; aka Eraserhead. Quiet, tired, sarcastic but a joy to be around when the two of you could be alone , his sarcastic jokes and overall tiredness with whoever bothered him who wasn't his assistant was a fun thing to hear, especially knowing how he is. Becoming his assistant came as an odd thing too, from him saying he sees how much she worked and seeing the work she was capable of was the catalyst for him asking for her name and for her to be moved to be his assistant. And that's how [ ] found herself speed walking her way to her bosses office, tea , a bottle of water and some type of sweet muffin in her one handed tray and his files in another. Trying not to drop anything as she got closer to his door she pushed the door as hard as she could with a healed foot, sighing in relief as she was able to put everything down without incident. Hearing the door creak after she entered [ ] turned around to face her violet haired boss, a lopsided smile on his face as she straightened up “ H-hello Mr.Shinsou I have everything out for your meeting ; There's the food you requested and all of your files and documents about the the next briefing mission!” Smiling at the taller male his own smirk widened as he shut his door and strolled passed her, the smell of cologne and body wash waving over her senses.

“Thank you [ ]. You always take good care of me, '' Hitoshi said as he sat at his desk and started to open up the files, sipping the tea she brought him. Trying not to let that phrase make her skin tingle with pride [ ] started to leave, letting him be him with his work [ ] headed to the door before Hitoshi looked up and saw her leaving “Oh [ ]” he called out as she turned around , crossing her hands over her skirt that rose on her legs ``Y-yes sir?” “You look pretty today, as usual.” and there it was, the usual complimenting that [ ] wasn't used to. The compliments picked up within a few months of [ ] working with Hitoshi, the two starting already with a good work relationship from the beginning to a more comfortable friendship at work balance. For some reason [ ] couldn't help but notice she was the only female around him that he acted like this with, not comments towards her other female employees, he barely spared them a look as he saw them in the halls or gave them a small answer back to their cheery comments. But when he came over to see [ ] it was a different energy, he was more friendly, he talked a bit more about things he enjoyed and even laughed some! [ ] never even noticed the difference until some of the other workers said they were happy she had joined them because she made their boss more relaxed and calm as opposed to tired and snappy. Shaking her thoughts away she noticed Hitoshi was still looking at her, head resting on his hands as he looked her over before looking at the mess of papers under him “You ordered them for me huh? What did i do to deserve such a wonderful assistant.” He said as [ ] felt the praise make her chest swell. “I try sir” , giving her another smile as he sat back in his chair. “I have another meeting this week I'd like you to sit in on. You're smart and can help me with notes on the lesson if you wouldn't mind?” opening a shut eye Hitoshi saw the confusion then joy that ran through [ ]’s eyes “I'd love to Sir! It'd be an honor to sit in and help you!” She said as he gave him a smile he was selfishly enjoying only for him “ Great. And you can call my Hitoshi [ ], no need for honorifics when we’re pretty good friends now hm?” giggling [ ] shook her head “Sure thing Hitoshi '' Ah there it was for him, the sweet sound of his name on her lips. Watching as she bowed and left he couldn't help the raging thoughts running through his head as his meetings for the day proceeded as planned.

The next few days were odd to say the least. After his meetings Hitoshi was more quiet, slipping in and out of his office without interaction or barely a glance at even his closest friends. He didn't tell [ ] what he needed, more of a list he left the night before and gave her small but barely there smiles when she brought them to him or even brought snacks as his days drained on. This was the boss shinsou she heard of , not the hitoshi she was accustomed to. One day as [ ] sat in her room across the way from her said boss she heard a call for her, someone saying that Mr.Shinsou was needing her. Nervous about what he could need from her when he's already in a bad mood she headed up to his office before knocking softly, hearing a grunt ‘Come in’ from the other side. His office was relatively dark, just the natural light coming from the gian window from behind his grand desk. And sitting at his desk was a sight to behold. There he was, long curly purple hair tousled around as his rolled up sleeves of his normal office clothes laid tightly against his forearm, the few top buttons of the dress shirt opened to reveal the hard muscles built up as a pro hero should have. A face of tiredness, irritability and overall done was evident on his features, but as soon as his eyes met [ ]’s they seemed to have life comeback to them “Ah, you got my message” He said, his voice was laced with sleep, if the darker than normal bags under them wasn't even enough. Even with his sounding half asleep [ ] couldn't help the fluttering she felt from hearing him sound more...rough around the edges than usual “Y-yes i did , seem like you're tired sir can i help with anything?” Now having the man turn fully to face her she saw the look in his eyes , an almost mischievous glint in them as he rolled his shoulders ``This might be an odd request but..mind helping me stretch? I've been keeping up with field work and in the office too but with it all I seem to be overworking my body, I'm sore all over and not getting sleep is well….doing its damage” he huffed out a laugh as [ ] tried to hide the shock and excitement of his questioning. Being that close to her boss, a man she's come to not only admire but has caught a bit of a crush on asking her for help? But she thought it over ‘ I'm his assistant , its what im paid for’

Strolling over to him she gently put her hands on his shoulders and pushed, hearing the male under her groan as he laid back into her gestures “Fuck...I knew youd be an amazing masseuse..” he grumbled under his breath as he laid father back, sliding his shoulders deepeer into her hands as [ ] tried not to let herself to be affected with her bosses words “Dont be shy [

], you can push harder on me , I won't break y'know..” Hitoshi joked as she laughed, pressing her nails into his shoulders as a sinful moan was ripped from his throat. Feeling her face heat up [ ] just rubbed the knots from his shoulders, suppressing a squeal as the sound the violet haired man made increased. Rubbing over the back of his neck and shoulders all of the main knots she felt seemed to have worked out. Softly she stepped away from him and called out “I-Im all done sir, unless you need more?” hearing him groan as he stood she was faced with dark eyes looking her over “Those little hands of yours did wonders for me sweetheart, i should have you be my physical therapist too” laughing [ ] pushed his chest and crossed over the side of his desk to the chair that was across from his “Oh please it was nothing but me trying to loosen up your muscles!” crossing his desk as well Hitoshi came behind his assistant, placing his much larger hands on her shoulders ``Well why don't I return the favor, you've been helping me with all this paperwork and now being a masseuse for me...it's the least I can do'' he whispered in her ear as she let out an involuntary whine , feeling his hands tighten with his warm breath hitting her ear. Taking his thumbs Hitoshi did the same, rolling her muscles out of being tight and wound up, but making sure to do more teasing than [ ] expected. Every so often he whispered “Is that okay?” or some type of small praise, making sure to acknowledge . He was drawing it out on purpose, making sure to move closer to her with every push, or have her whimper with a hard roll or pinch of his larger fingers. Just as she had done he pulled away , but not before rubbing up her arms and giving that same lazy smile “Well I hope i was able to compete with your expert massage” Still overwhelmed she just shook her head and agreed , letting their eyes mingle longer before the phone ringing broke the silence. Sighing Hitoshi went back to his seat, picking the line up before answering “Hello this is Mind Jack” rolling his eyes the man answered, pushing his rolling chair side to side as he was listening to whoever called. [ ] could see how tense he was starting to get, those same shoulders sinking back to their tense state as he continued to drain on with whoever was on the other side “Yeah...the back was the way they seemed to bring in other collateral. Taking a pen from his desk and scrap paper [ ] wrote ‘I can leave and get you some tea if you want it’ and slid it to the violet haired male, his eyes glancing to the paper and back to hers. Snorting he took the pen and replied ‘You're too cute. I'm fine.’ frowning she wrote back ‘But you look stressed again :(‘.

Before she could slide it to him the sound of him yelling shocked her “Well of course there's a problem , no ones keeping a proper tab on him!” Jumping slightly at his hand hitting the wooden desk [ ] covered her squeal, looking up to see the furious eyes of the intimidating man soften before he pointed to her, curling his finger for her to come closer. Hesitantly she did, getting very close before he patted a thigh, shocking the girl. Before she could question him he slid the paper back to her “im sorry :(, mind sitting down with me? Could use a different set of ears for whatever this shit he's telling me...Unless you're uncomfortable, consent is key here and i'm not an opportunist :)’ Smiling at the small note she crossed over his leg to sit in his lap, hesitantly placing her weight down before hearing the older sounding man say something “One second Shin, gotta go get some files and the line was silent. Pushing the speaker and setting the handle down on the holding phone, Hitoshi rubbed at his forehead “This is a pain….I guess the lead we hand on a drug distributor is true but no ones properly following him..I might need to leave the office to follow from higher ground” He spoke up after sensing [ ]’s eyes on his closed ones ``But you should be resting ‘toshi not overworking” [ ] said as she felt his hand wrapping around her waist “God you're too good for me woman, sometimes I wonder how I can keep my composer around such a good girl'' Straightening her back [ ] felt her face heat up , a tingle running though her spine as he continued, getting closer to her ear “Yknow, you're always on edge with me, why is that pretty girl?” Whimpering she felt his hand stroke the mesh of her stockings “Always wearing such cute little outfits...you're like a doll” holding in her breath she gasped when she felt his fingers pinch her thigh “You still didn't answer me [ ]...” Clearing her throat she spoke up “You're just a bit intimidating is all sir..hitoshi” shr admitted as he chuckled , tightening his grasp on her waist “So I intimidate you huh sweetheart?” moving his hand away he just laid back, giving [ ] rome to breathe “You can relax,, I'm used to others ebing a bit scared of me so it's not that big of a surprise.” chuckling, he continued “ You don't have to stay on me , I was just being selfish with you”

Feeling a bit sad at his wording, [ ] turned herself around to look at him, and immediately regretted it. He looked perfect, body sprawled and relaxed on the leather office chair, a similar button up, this time black , was still left open , leaving his neck opened to see. The lazy tired look he always radiates was there, being a sense of calm from him. Since he was in the office he now wore more jewelry , a set of plain titanium bands fit over his fingers. That casually was scrolling his phone. Feeling herself staring too much [ ] cleared her throat and whispered “Well I like you...so I like it up here” And that phrase snapped Hitoshi from his scrolling “What did you just say?” realizing her open thought to herself actually was heard by him she froze, starting to rise from his lap “Ah nothing just-” “[ ], what did you just say to me..” grabbing her arm before she could get far enough she was jerked back to his face. Questioning eyes stared back at the nervous and faltering ones that stared back. “I said I didn't mind being on your lap..” She said as he smirked “But why?” Looking away from his piercing stare she let out a small snort “Well because its kinda comfy” The smirk on his face turned into a grin “That's not what I heard kitten try again” Feeling the heat spread to her face she tried to pull here arm from him only for him to hold it tighter “I..didn't say anything else” clicking his tongue he got closer, putting his nose close others “You said you liked me, or maybe my own thoughts are starting to take over” “What do you mean Hitoshi..?” Flicking his eyes to hear he realized what could happen so taking in a breath he continued “If you don't say it then I will...I like you [ ], the months you've been working for me has been the best time for me...I'M selfish with you..and i want you all to myself..I'm the boss here afterwards, so no ones really gonna question if I decide to make you mines”

Gasping at his confession [ ] tried to hide her face until a hand grabbed her chin “But if I was wrong hearing what you said then..I won't push it” Letting her face and arm go he leaned back in that chair, looking at her. Sucking in her own breath [ ] looked at him and spoke “Yes, I said I liked you, and I do, I've had one since the third week here and now its been months, I enjoy being your assistant, I like being able to make you happy and I...really enjoy being around you..” Meeting his eyes again she saw his smile before he put his phone down “Well with that squared away.. Why don't you come here kitten” By dropping his voice and rolling up the sleeves of his shirt [ ] felt like she'd just opened one of the best and scariest doors she could imagine. That was, until the phone rerung. Side eyeing it Shinsou still held a hand out for her, pulling her swiftly to his lap before answering “Yes Sir?” he started again but this time his hand traveled south, rubbing up and down the back of [ ] as he listened to the man on the other side of the phone. Something he said made the boy grab her waist hard, causing her to let out a sound of discomfort. Hearing that the violet haired male looked at her before whispering a soft “Sorry” and pulling her closer. [ ] saw what he meant ; the senior officer was all over the place, no one knew where anything from the heroes’ agencies were, all the papers, notes and documents on the case seemed misplaced or missing pieces and parts.

Focused on listening to the man on the phone as well, she felt herself start to lay on his shoulder to better hear him, slightly curling up on her boss's lap. Gently a ring clad finger slid under [ ]’s shirt, the cool metal cooling off her burning skin. Still buzzing off his confession she decided to be a bit bold, jutting her hip out so he’d have a hand full of her thigh if he wanted to. Still talking to the man on the line, Shinsou threw her a look, raising a brow before taking the invitation to the now more exposed flesh. “Now Hitoshi-kun I think we could work on a few different ways to trap him, I can send some undercover men to join you in his apprehension, this is our fault for losing him and if we come up with a good enough plan we can begin to execute it!” Humming in agreement Shisou felt himself becoming distracted by his assistant who was whimpering at his ministrations, fingers tightening on his shoulder as she let him rub over her hip, down to her ass and squeezing , before with every touch going lower. “Sure sensei lets..work on some places that we could..potentially set up” feeling the ghosting lips of [ ] on his neck Shinsou slid his hand lower to cup over her cheek , a warning that he'd go lower. Pecking a spot on his neck was the push, the same ring clad fingers going between her skirt and pulling the mesh from her core, causing her to gasp out. Smirking as she got back was a kiss to her temple before he rubbed just his knuckle against her core that was starting to weep. Signing out in content she couldn't help herself, knowing that he still was on the phone with the man fumbling to write up things to fax over she grabbed the sides of his shirt to smash their lips together, a grunt falling from the violet as he groaned, dipping in to kiss her deeper until he heard his name “Hitoshi-kun?” Breathlessly he pulled away from the kiss, seeing [ ] pout as he grinned, stuffing a finger inside of the hole he made and pulled her soiled panties from her lower lips ``Ahem , yeah i'm here sir, sorry just had my assistant bring me some papers and I got distracted” Licking at his lips he continued to talk to the chief while rubbing her little bud casually talking to him as he faxed over details.

An agonizing half an hour later they were done and so was his teasing. As soon as the chief said he'd call later and they hung up [ ] was on him, trying to kiss him as he slipped his fingers out and away from the mess dripping between her legs ``Well well well, the kitten can be bold when it comes to being teased'' Letting out a high pitched whine she when to kiss him again but he moved, going for her neck. “Patience sweetheart, I'm not even gonna do anything.” Pulling her up higher on his lap and cradling her waist his lust filled eyes looked over her heaving chest and wide eyes looking at his “You okay? I didn't mean to scare you with how fast we were moving” Shinsou rasped out at her. Feeling heat creep up her neck she shook her head ``'m fine, great actually. Just very um..needy” Laughing at her words he leaned up to kiss her cheek “Well I hope you know i'm not done with you...I’ll let you finish those papers that were sent over...maybe if you be a good girl I'll give you more hm?” Teasing her Shinsou ran his lips over [ ]’s , the gap keeping them apart almost nonexistent as he licked at her lips , starting another deep kiss. Letting his fingers run over her hips he pulled her tucked shirt out more, unbuttoning the ones closest to him as [ ] did the same, not stripping themselves bare but just enough skin for the two to feel each other.

Letting one hand pull up her skirt and one wrapped around her throat Shinsou could feel the heat radiating from her clothed lower half that was runting over his straining hardon. Slowly he grabbed her hip to stop her rocking. Before pulling away from the kiss, both breathing hard against the other “H-hitoshi...you're a tease” clicking his tongue the male gave her a look “If anything you're the tease kitten, rutting against me like that..and then kissing my neck? Naughty girl you wanted my attention and now that you're getting it you wanna whine about it and beg about it not being enough. I promise i'll give you more kitten, I promise you I will...I really wanted to give you a proper date and be able to show you I don't want you as something quick and damn sure not easy.. but at this rate...I'll end up pounding you on this desk like the little brat you are until you learn how to listen [ ], who knew you'd get bratty if you're not being stuffed and begging for more” Kissing her cheek Shinsou let her sigh and start to semi get dressed to get the papers ``You still could take em on a date though…” She said softly as his eyes watched her smooth and fixed her skirt “That I will do” Laughing [ ] awkwardly tried to pull the stockings she had underneath the tiger to fix the hole he made. Watching her struggle was now Shinsous task as his assistant pulled and tugged, soon hearing another rip as she struggled “Take them off” Blinking, [ ] faced him “H-Huh?” “I said take them off, they'll be off soon anyways” Pointing to the clock he was right ; they only had a bit more left in the office before they'd be going home for the day. “O-Oh yeah..But what about-” “If you're nervous I'll walk you to your car, you don't have to worry about feeling exposed” As i f he was reading her thoughts Shinsou spoke, making [ ] feel her heart rise in her throat “Okay...well uhm thank you sir” feeling even more heat in her chest she left out and did as such, feeling the cool air of the building raised goosebumps on her skin. Sighing, she grabbed the stack of papers on the printer, starting to work on them for her teasing boss.

Sticking to his word Shinsou did walk her to her car, a pleasant conversation falling between the two “Well,” her boss started “It looks like we’ll be up to more faxing tomorrow, I’ll see what we’ll need tonight. Thanks for listening in too, oh and for my massage” Giving [ ] a smile he opened her car door for her and turned to leave before feeling a hand grab his wrist “Wait!” Looking back at her he saw how beautiful she looked ; hair a bit disheveled, shirt and skirt not as neat as it was before their little...break. “Yes [ ]?” she didn't understand it, it was like nothing happened . He was the calm and level headed boss instead of the teasing and fierce lover she had hours ago “Well...nothing, it's nothing” Knowing what she was going to ask he stepped closer, pushing her back against her car. Taking his hands and gently placing them on her hips he pushed himself impossibly closer, just until their lips were over each other “Oh don't worry that wasn't a fluke. I told you kitten, I'm not an opportunist , I wanted you to be comfortable before I even attempted to admit my feelings for you, especially in that way” Giving her a soft peck he pulled away “Goodnight [ ] i'll see you tomorrow yeah?” and with that he started to head for his own car.

The following day [ ] made it a point to dress a bit more risky. Wearing a deep v cut and slit up the thigh black dress that was still acceptable for work with a long sweater she came in early to work on all the filing that would need to be done. Hearing a rep on her door she looked up to see one of the other girls come in “Ouuu look at you, whos the lucky person?” Laughing [ ] continued to order “Ah whatever do you mean?” The girl, Mina, came closer. “All of your outfits are cute or a bit womandly but this, this is a minx in disguise , like you're gonna go on a fancy date but really worried about the desert afterwards if you catch my drift.” Laughing with her best friend [ ] shook her head “I wanted to switch it up, honest!” Giving her a questioning look Mina laughed at herself “We’ll see, I bet Mr.Shinsou will enjoy what you're wearing” Eying her pink haired friend and about to ask why she said that they heard someone else open the office floor door.

“Ah hello sir! Welcome in!” “Good Morning Mina” Oh, OH it was the man of the hour, Shinsou entering the place. As he walked by he too, was out of his usual attire; still ring cladded fingers but a more civilian look going on. Skinny black jeans and a t-shirt help reveal the mass that a pro hero could be. Sure he wasn't a super hulk but he was very well built , long hair pulled into a messy bun. Looking up she saw Mina mouthing the words “He's a hunk” and fanning her face. Waving at her and giggling she heard his office door reopen “Ah Mina, would you mind helping the lower floors until the rest of the team gets in, they seem to have messed up your guys parts. You too [ ]” The both of them looked at the papers that were supposed to come in to them and sure enough ; they had “Yeah i'll go! I know [ ] has more important papers to fill out!” Cheerfully she headed out , leaving the floor empty to her and Shinsou “[ ]” “S-sir?” Glancing up from the papers she saw him leaning over the door frame, eyes studying what he could see of her outfit through her sweater “C’mere..” was all he said as he slinked back into his office. Nervously she left the papers at her desk and headed into his, hearing the soothing jazz in the background “Shut the door too” Pushing the heavy wood until it shut she laid against it, looking at her boss who sat at his desk. “So..how's all the paperwork going?” Nodding her head she let out a soft “Good” before letting the quiet jazz fill the room. Leaning forward and taking a sip from an iced coffee he pointed to the door “You can lock it too” Sucking in a breath [ ] twisted the lock, hearing it click as the room now seemed a bit suffocating. “Whats up sir?” Sighing, Shinsou stood, stretching before he strolled over to her “ Now Kitten..didn't I say we didn't have to do honorifics..” feeling like a deer in headlights she started to move backwards until she hit her back on the door. Smirking he pushed his hand against the frame, trapping her between his arms “R-right...sorry ‘toshi” The smell of the same body wash and cologne took up her air and made her knees feel weak “That's a good girl, now come, sit and i'll show you what we’re gonna be working on” Following shakely behind her boss she saw he was messing with his capture gear behind his desk “Ah the reason i'm dressed so down today is for that very reason; we were gonna go initiate a look around for our guy..trying to see if anyone who works with or knows him is around then i'll take them in for questioning” Nodding her head [ ] fiddled with the weapon , rubbing the fabric “it's so interesting how soft it is” Flicking his wrist the fabric moved to wrap around her wrists and tightened, causing her to gasp “sorry , I couldn't help it” Stepping behind her Shinsou pushed his hips into hers and pulled her up to his chest “toshi...whatre-” “Shhhh, quiet princess..it's time to show you how I can handle you” wrapping his fist around the two straps he used the leverage to keep her tied up before he placed her on his desk. Starting a searing kiss the two of them made out on it, hips pushing into each other as shinsou drew out her sounds. Pulling away heaving the two of them smiled at the other “Fuck..can I?” Rubbing at her colthed slit and starting to bite at her neck, not knowing where to start with her he asked for permission “Y-yes please , please touch me” Smirking against her neck he sucked a few marks before moving lower to her heaving chest to leave more marks. As he got to her thighs he made a show going between them “Shit love...you just had to dress like

a little slut huh..you knew I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off of you..” biting at the thickest part of her inner thigh, before sucking another mark there.

Pushing her dress higher he sucked in a breath at the sight. She was wearing full laced panties, the pair thin enough to see everything she had to offer. Letting out a low whistle Shinsou kissed against the heat of her pussy, bathing in the moan of his assistant. Pulling off her panties and looking up to the heavy breathing [ ] he winked at her before sucking at her clit. A loud moan ripped from her chest as she tried to widen her legs to give him more room. Enjoying himself by making her cry , Shinsou moaned over her lower lips before sucking harshly at her sensitive bud. As pleasured whining fell and tumbled from [ ]’s lips he pulled away, stuffing a thick finger in her sopping walls. “C’mon love, let loose for me” “T-toshi! Please..” Feeling her mind get hazy with a push of a button in her walls. The coil in her stomach felt tight and rapidly getting tighter before she came, runting her hips against his fingers that continued to pump in her “Good girl..thats my sweet kitten” Overwhelmed by all the simulation [ ] looked up the the dark look of her boss who untied the ends of his capture gear. Pulling at the fabric he laid her over the desk and started to rock his tip against her sopping core. Wrapping a hand around her throat he leaned down to push their faces closer as he started to enter into her slowly. Trying to help ease the stretch Shinsou kissed her hard, shushing her loud sounds as he started to bottom out. Once he did get to bottom out the two of them sighed in content , eyes looking at each other “[ ].....I promise i'll be gentle I can't hold back anymore..you're mine you understand?” He growled out.

Clenching over him [ ] agreed, arching her back into him “Im yours Hitoshi...mark me” And with that he started a brutal pace, holding her hands with one of his own while the other held her thigh open. As the two groaned and moaned against each others lips [ ] felt herself clench hardr as another wave of an oragsm filled her mind. Seeing her tired and fucked out face filling her senses, Shinsou grinds, rubbing a pair of fingers over her clit “I'm such a close kitten.. ‘M gonna fill you up, can I?” Panting out to her he tightened his gear over her wrists as her pleasure teary eyes found his “please..inside Im on the pill its okay!” Feeling a shiver go down his spine he sped his hips up, going to fill her up as he started pumping his cum in her fluttering walls , a weak spasm was her wall's response to his fill. Letting her eyes fall shut [ ] felt shinsou breathing against her neck as her still tied hands reached to rub his back. Feeling him start to kiss her neck [ ] let out a content sigh “Hey..[ ]” he called out as she hummed “Once You recuperate we’ll go for round two...Im nowhere near done with you”

[prongssmrrcury]

the changing room

wolfstar fic /// one shot

word count::: 1.5k (its pretty short)

smut warning⚠️

THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING A ONE SHOT AND ITS LITERALLY 4 AM LMAOOO BUT I HOPE U LIKE THIS OK I LOVE U BYE <33

ecstatic roars arose from the gryffindor stands as chaser james potter passed the quaffle to marlene McKinnon who didnt hesitate to launch it through the longest hoop narrowly missing the hufflepuff keeper who made an attempt to save it but of course, failed dismally. the ten points this goal earned broke the tie the two teams had and made gryffindor not only win the match, but win the quidditch cup. yells and cheers from the tall scarlet stand were filling the entire stadium, the seven players got off their broomsticks and ran to give each other one big aggressive group hug that involved a lot of back patting, screaming, laughing, and a chant saying "we won! we won! we won!" and suddenly marlene was hoisted up by the six other players and they all started cheering her name as she scored the winning goal. they threw her in the air then carefully caught her, only to repeat that again. there was no doubt that the gryffindors were going to celebrate that day till they all pass out.

"that was such a great game!" yelled sirius when the group hug had finally broken apart, making his way to the changing room with james.

"yes i know! that last throw i gave to marlene, didnt think twice, almost as if i knew she was going to score it!" james said, a wide grin not departing his face. "and you! you too padfoot, you were amazing! saved almost every quaffle thrown" sirius adjusted his hair and a smug looking grin spread on his lips. they entered the changing room and took their quidditch robes off and put on their normal school uniforms, sirius was standing in front of the mirror making final adjustments, ruffling his hair that always looked perfectly styled even after a bloody quidditch match.

"hey" he heard a soft voice break the utter silence he was standing in. he swiftly turned around to see a smiling remus standing next to him, fiddling with his fingers- god sirius loved it when he fiddles it makes him seem (if possible) hotter. what was he doing in the changing room anyway.

"hi" sirius replied in a quiet raspy voice getting a little closer to remus, staring at every inch of his face his eyes could take in. he looked at his fading scars, his messy ash hair, the awkward smile he was wearing, his hazel eyes that bear so much comfort. remus didnt respond right away, he just appreciated the few moments of silence he had with sirius. they werent exactly dating but the entire school seems to be convinced they were. maybe its because sirius once refused to sit down on his chair in mcgonagalls class and instead insisted to sir on remus' lap or he's not attending transfiguration til the end of the year, or maybe because they always sat cuddled up together in the gryffindor common room, giving each other small intimate touches and pecks every now and then.

"the game was amazing" remus broke the silence, closing the space between them their hips touching now, he felt sirius' entire body go stiff for a second. sirius lowered his gaze on remus' lips as he talked. remus had perfectly round plump lips that (in sirius' opinion) were so kissable. there was a small white scar that went through his lips and to the bottom of his chin.

"hmm" was the respond sirius gave. he was in complete and utter lust of the boy standing right before him. he felt remus softly thrust his hip forward which made sirius' insides erupt with butterflies and made his dick go rock hard, he was sure remus felt it through his trousers. sirius didnt think too much, because one second he was standing in front of remus, the other second he found himself thrown on top of one of the sinks with his lips connected to remus'.

remus kissed him hungrily, deepening the kiss and pushing sirius back, almost bending his back. he moaned deeply into the kiss that seemed endless, sirius pulled away from the kiss, keeping his forehead connected to remus'.

"fuck remus" he managed to breath weakly "im so hard, so fucking hard. if we keep doing this i'll cum right through my trousers"

remus smirked a little, running his fingers through sirius' hair to keep him as close to him as he could.

sirius softly connected his lips to remus' again, taking time to peck and softly caress the scars he had on his lips, which earned him a moan from remus. sirius breathed heavily, " i fucking love you. holy shit. every inch of you" he continued kissing his lips, as though not bearing to not kiss him. remus only dug his fingers deeper in sirius' soft curls, almost pulling it, sirius thrusted his bulging dick on remus' clothed one. sirius' hands went from remus face slowly down his body to his waist and stopped on the band of his trousers and started undoing his belt and unbuttoning the button, their lips not breaking apart. just then sirius broke the kiss, a string of saliva was on his and remus' lip which made them both give a small laugh. sirius attached his lips on remus' neck, giving a nibble and small bites wherever he felt like. remus threw his head back in pleasure and gave sirius another thrust with his waist.

"this- yes this feels so fucking amazing" remus breathed. sirius licked his adams apple that was moving and vibrating as he spoke. sirius go off the counter than remus threw him on and got down on the quite dirty floor and got down on his knees. he felt remus' gaze on him, watching carefully his every move mesmerized by the handsome boy that was sculptured my gods. sirius took one black band he wore around his wrist and sloppily tying his dark soft curly hair. he palmed remus' dick that was almost screaming to be let free, he carefully attached his lips on his hips, gently nibbling his soft skin, sucking it between his teeth making sure to leave marks for him to remember the next day. he continued his trail of soft kisses and hickeys that scattered on remus' hips and lower stomach. he kept palming him to make sure he was making him as satisfied as possible. as he got closer to his pubic area, sirius pulled his underwear to reveal his intimidating length that sprang right at remus' stomach, it looked so hard, the tip was leaking almost begging to finish.

"fuck remus... fuck- you're perfect. just flawless" sirius didnt wait for a response this time, but placed remus' length in his mouth, licking the tip and teasing him by swirling his tongue, remus then unexpectedly thrusted in sirius' mouth which made sirius gag slightly. remus looked apologetic for a few moments trying to mutter a "sorry" but sirius was already bobbing his head, taking in as much as he could letting his dick hit the back of his throat a few times.

"sirius- s-stop" remus whispered "im going to cum in your mouth" he was met by a smirking sirius who didnt stop but on the contrary deep-throated a couple more times until he felt a warm liquid erupt in his mouth. remus, who was gripping on sirius' hair for dear life, threw his head back and let out a big sigh of relief. he pulled his trousers and underwear to cover himself and got on the floor to look at sirius' face. he could barely see, there was stars in his vision but even if he was on his deathbed, he'd still look at this handsome face. a couple of strands had fallen from the loose bun sirius made and were stuck on his sweaty forehead. sirius' chest was going up and down rapidly as if he had just finished a marathon, remus pushed the hairs stuck on his forehead behind his ear and have him a weak smile.

"how are you feeling babe?" sirius asked

"dont mind me, how are you feeling". sirius returned the smile with a big breath.

"im as good as i can be"

"you were amazing darling" remus said in a rather soft tone that still had some rasp to it. he pecked sirius' lips a couple of times before he could stop himself. the changing rooms slowly creaked opened to reveal james walking out very slowly to see his two best friends a puddle of motionless limbs on the floor, exchanging soft words and pecks and kisses.

"right- right, but you're just friends?" james smirked at them, quoting what they always say.

"fuck i forgot youre here" remus said in a weak laugh.

"im not here moony, dont worry" he winked at them and left the changing room leaving them both. maybe he right about this one, maybe they werent just friends. the way remus can make him feel wasnt a feeling just a mere "friend" can evoke. sirius didnt know exactly what remus made him feel, or what he was to him, but whatever label you put on their relationship, sirius just wanted to lay in the heat of remus' body for as long as he could, hearing comforting voice cooing in his ear.

[meltwonu]

can I just tell yall the bs that happened on my little hiatus skdjfhsjk

like first of all, im sorry I didn't update the masterlists sooner 😭, it all ties in once I tell y’all the way I was disrespected like, 

literally I got in trouble with my boss for something I didn’t even do which was the first thing and like/???? normally when we get new clients we typically ask them a lot more questions bc obv we’re feeling them out and sometimes they don’t know what they want and I was handed a project from a new client who was kind of really impatient and ended up kinda giving the “yea yea w/e just let me know when its done” type shit so I finished the project BC IT NEEDED TO BE FINISHED IN A DAY and left it with my manager bc I was ‘off’ the next day so she would have to pass the project back to the client, it was a really quick one so I didn’t think much of it. well when I spoke to my manager the next time I saw her, she was like, yea that client asked for notes on their project and why certain things were left out and kept in(bc we asked for a basic idea of what they wanted, etc, they were really flexible in the consultation so??? admittedly I didn’t think it’d be an issue???) and I was like??? she never asked for notes?? OR FEEDBACK?? just threw it at us and wanted it finished, to my knowledge??? and my manager kinda seemed like she didn’t believe me for a second but also was kinda lookin at me like ‘idt Hina would lie about this’ but I still got chewed out and that was annoying as shit cuz I never get in trouble at work 😭😭😭

AND THEN THE WORST OF IT, my friend commissioned me kind of around the time I was finishing up MMS2 and I told her, “hey I'm rly busy I dont mind taking on this small project for you but you need to give me all the info up front bc I'm busy and once I get the chance to work on it, I know our schedules won’t match up(she does not work) so I need to be able to work on it without having to consult you every 4 seconds(she also goes to bed at 6pm and wakes up at like 1am to stay up all night)” and she wanted me to design some birthday cup sleeves for an idol group, no I will not say who and also I used an alias lol, and I've done cup sleeves before and they're quick so I was anticipating being able to finish in just a hour or two, so I was like, ya its technically a commission but I won't ask to be paid, just think of it as a friend favour since it’s quick. um, anyway, never work for free regardless of who it is. and if you work for free or write fic for free or make content for free, don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad about it if it’s not perfect. because my friend was like, ‘omg yea I understand ur super busy with work rn and it doesn’t have to be perfect I really appreciate you doing this for me!’ so I was like ok, let me put it to the side until after I finish my work(which was me just wrapping up MMS2 but shhh) and that two week break after, I finally had the time so I sat down and did them to the mockups she made and like I had anticipated, it only had taken about a hour and a half and i’d even made alt versions if she didn’t like the ones I'd done, just in case she didn’t like the layouts. and I sent them to her and I was like, I finished up, here's all the files, etc etc, it used the same fonts and colour palettes she asked for, same placement she asked for, etc. and she was like, “um I need you to change everything about these.” so to tldr the next FEW DAYS THAT FOLLOWED she literally had me changing everything about the cup sleeves, down to the text and placement and etc etc and I just kept thinking like??? a few days ago she said they didn’t have to be perfect, she just wanted them to be in the same style as her mockups because I was already working on them for free WHILE I WAS WORKING ON /WORK/ and now she was treating me like she was one of my work clients except I wasn’t getting /paid/ for this. 

so eventually it got to the point where I was just like, ‘hey, I get you want these to look good for your cup sleeve event but I feel like you really blindsided me by saying that you just wanted simple cup sleeves and didn’t care about it(because she knew I had the programs to make them and she doesn't) and even gave me mockups to follow, which I did, and when you realized I could make them better than your mockups, now you want completely different, more complicated ones and this project that I quoted would take me a few hours AT MOST is now taking multiple days bc when I finally talk to you on what needs to be changed, you literally leave to go to sleep without saying anything to me and you want it done by tomorrow now when you know I work 9-5 and don’t have time to be waiting on you′ 

and she got SO. UPSET. and didn't even apologize for completely taking advantage of me and my generosity and I was like, “yknow I dont mind doing small projects for you when you’re transparent with me bc I AT LEAST know what I'm getting into but this was really unfair and next time I'm going to have to ask to be paid by the hour because this is now literally how my clients are? and they pay me for my time.” and she was like ‘oh haha I probably won't ask again bc I just wanted to make cup sleeves this one time’ even tho I know she only said that bc she does NOT want to pay me for any work 😕 oh also not to mention she didn't want me to put my watermark on anything and didn’t want to give me credit for any of it and wanted me to put her username on it like she was the one who made it 😃 

she spent the next few days after that completely kissing my ass lol trying to be overly nice to me so I would forget but now when friends ask to commission me, I literally have a form and that’s really disappointing to me tbh. ☠️

[spideymarvelws]

Hard Decisions

Prince!Tom Holland x Fem!Reader

Main Masterlist / Add Yourself To My Taglist

A/n : I just really wanted to write a prince!tom fic also i struggled so much trying to figure out a title and summary but im pretty happy with the actual fic Still dont like the tittle tho...

Summary : You take tom out for an escape from his life in royalty, at least that was the plan.

Warnings : Floof, kinda smutty but not really, mentions of violence, war, some cursing here and there

Word Count : 2.8k

...

"That wasn't fair in the slightest and you know it!" Tom shouted as he halted his horse, licking his lips with annoyance.

He was in the middle of his book that his master had assigned him when you burst into his chambers, breathing heavily like his dog after he took her out into the fields. You were dressed in your riding gear, throwing his own smack in his face, the only words falling from your mouth were.

“You, me, stables, now,”

It wasn't totally out of character for you to be so spontaneous, he was used to it by now, so were his guards and everyone in the castle. So much so that they weren’t fazed anymore when you zipped past them in the halls never knowing if you were running to or from something.

None of them were curious enough to ask.

Nevertheless, he was always free for a nice ride through the forests with you. He always enjoyed tagging along and partaking in your little shenanigans around the kingdom. It was a nice break from his responsibilities as prince.

"What isn't fair is that your horse had to deal with your terrible riding," you picked at your nails, smirking at the young prince, "Better than last time thought, only five minutes behind,"

Even if you always beat him.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," He muttered, jumping off his horse, his boots landing with a thud on the floor, "What are we even doing here in the first place?"

"You'll see," you smiled leaning off the tree trunk, "I put Galaxy over there," you pointed towards the brown horse shaking its head, most of its body hidden behind the thick shrubbery, "I'm sure she wouldn't mind some company,"

"Don't know, I feel like he would feel inferior to yours," Tom said, pointing to his horse.

"Don't worry, that logic only applies to you when you’re with me," you chuckled. It was known that you loved teasing him, it shocked him to this day that he still put up with your shit for the past years, putting in so much effort to see you at least once a week.

But you were the only person who kept him up float for the past years. The only person who treated him as an equal despite his blood and title. And he would be a fool if he let that go anytime soon.

Of course you couldn't know that, he could imagine how much embarrassment that would fill his body if you knew about his attraction towards you. He could already picture you brushing his words off as a silly joke and continuing with your day.

He didn't think he could deal with the rejection, to deal with losing you over some feelings.

"So, where are we going?" he said, dusting off his vest, "Or did you just bring me out here to murder me?"

"Trust me if i wanted to murder you, I would've done it a long time ago," you grinned, holding out your hand, “Now come on! The sun won’t be up for too long,”

You dragged him  up though the bushes and trees, maneuvering your way through the forest. He’d never seen you this bubbly before, running and jumping over roots and ducking swiftly under branches all while occasionally  looking back at him with a wide smile that made his heart melt.

“Are we there yet?” he whined, yelping when a branch hit him smack in the face.

“Oh shit,” your hand shot up to your mouth, trying to hide the laughter threatening to erupt from your throat, “Are you alright?”

“Oh yeah, totally,” he said sarcastically, rubbing his nose, trying his best not to sneeze, “like one always is when they get smacked with leaves and wood,”

You bit your lip, moving the branch back up so you could see him clearly, “If it makes you feel better, we’re almost there,”

He sighed, his head falling before picking it back up to look into your eyes, “Alright,” he chuckled when you continued to tug him along.

After a few more seconds of walking, he noticed the sound of water falling in the near distance making him a quirk up a brow. Soon enough you both emerged from the dense forest into a small opening.

His eyes trailed up the small pond, the ripples of the water reflecting the random rays of light passing through the trees hovering ever it like its own roof  As he moved up, he eyed the flow of water running down a layering of rocks like a small fountain. Around it was a mass of shrubbery, green with hints of colour throughout. It felt like he was stepping into a painting his mother painted for him when he was younger.

“It’s beautiful,” he whispered, his eyes taking in every part of the scenery.

“I know, found it when I was sear- playing with Harrison’s sword,”

“You lost his sword?” Tom teased, catching your mess up.

“I found it back, calm your tits,” you uttered, mumbling under your breath, “after having some fun with it,”

“What was that?”

“It was a nice sword alright?”, you laughed, pulling your hand out of his. 

He watched with curious eyes as you approached the lake, stopping as you reached the edge. He felt the instant head rise to his face when your fingers grazed the bottom of your loose skirt, pulling it off your body in one go and throwing it to the side.

He coughed as he looked away when your boots came off next along with the rest of your undergarments leaving you in your underwear and bra. He tried his best to keep his eyes turned down out of respect, but he would be a liar if he wasn't fighting not to raise his head.

“Are you coming?” you said, dipping your toes into the water before fully submerging your both your feet, “Or are you just going to stand there,” 

“I-” Tom blushed, rubbing the back of his neck.

You turned around to face him, hands crossing in front of your chest, staring at him expectedly, “Come on now, before your father figures out your gone,”

“I’m pretty sure he already knows-”

“Then you have no excuse!” you tilted your head to the side, jutting your bottom lip out, “I didn’t bring you out here to just stare at me as I bath,” you raised your eyebrow suggestively, “Unless that’s what you want to do?”

“I-,” he paused, looking back down at the ground in defeat (and to hide his blush at your words). He could never say no to you, “Fine,”

You jumped into the water in glee, shaking your hair purposely for the droplets to fall on his clothes.

He rolled his eyes playfully at your smug smile, unbuttoning his vest and throwing it on a patch of grass. He did the same with his shirt, turning around when he began to shuffle out of his pants. Tom wouldn't deny the fact that he knew his looks, years of fighting and working gave his body a defined shape.

He could feel your eyes burning into his back which gave him the boost of confidence he needed to turn around.

He carefully made his way into the water, hissing at its cold touch. You rolled your eyes at his slow movements, grabbing his legs and pulling him inside. You laughed as his body hit the water, splashing you and the land around the pool.

You giggled as Tom raised his head, shaking it back and forth, his brown locks creating a halo around his head. You pushed more water at his figure, laughing even harder at the look of betrayal on his face.

“You-,” he chuckled, moving his arms in the same manner, sending a wave of water in your direction.

“Oh, Is this war Holland?” 

“You bet your ass Y/l/n,”

You lunged at the brunette, pushing him under the water, your arms wrapping around his neck to keep him down. But it didn't last for long when he quickly broke the surface of the water once more. You wrapped your legs around his waist in a desperate attempt to keep him down, but it was useless given his strength.

When you looked back into his eyes, you finally took in how close you were, faces merely centimetres away from each other. You could feel his hot breath against yours, your wet skin melding with his. Your chest tightened, emotions you tried so hard to keep hidden resurfacing without thought. A glimmer of hope popping in your mind when he didn't pull away instead resting his hands on your waist, keeping you close.

You just didn’t think a prince would reciprocate the feelings for a commoner girl like you.

“Hey,” you whispered, readjusting your arms around his neck.

“Hey,” he whispered back, his eyes darting from your lips back to your eyes.

“i-,” your forehead fell against his, eyes closed as your heavy breaths fell upon his face, “Tommy,”

“Just say the word,” he gulped, “Just say the word, and none of this happened,”

He held his breath when you didn’t respond, his hands loosening from around your waist. He relished in the feeling of your body pressed against his not knowing when it might be the next time you would ever be like this with him after today.

He was a fool to think that you actually liked him in that way, that this wasn't just the spur of the moment but feelings aching to be unraveled at the seams.

“I want this to happen,” you finally muttered, opening your eyes to look directly at him, “I’m just scared what will happen after,” 

Tom let out a shaky breath, looking back and forth between your left and right eye, trying to process your words, “Only one way to find out right?” he managed to say, licking his lips.

You bit the middle of your bottom lip, letting it go with a heavy breath, “Yeah I guess so,”

“Are you sure?” He couldn't help but ask again.

“Just shut up and kiss me for God's sake,”

Tom finally smashed his lips on yours, tasting the fresh water on the surface before moving them along with yours. You tilted your head slightly, deepening the kiss. Even after imagining this moment for so long, losing himself in the thought almost everyday, it could’ve never prepared him for the feeling of your mouth on his.

His hands tightened around your waist, his feet moving slowly along the floor to press you against the nearest rock, wanting to be as close to you as possible, for this to last as long as possible. You fingers moved from his neck to his hair, tugging at the soaked strands making him groan into the kiss.

“Tommy,” you muttered, barely pulling away to utter the words before latching your lips back on his. 

“Yeah,” he smiled, biting your bottom lip as he pulled away fully.

“I-,” you started but was quickly interrupted by a loud bell that began to ring in your ears.

“Fuck, what’s that?” You breathed, whipping your head in the direction of the bell.

Tom replied hesitantly, “Someones attacking the castle,”

“What?” you said in disbelief, detangling your legs from around the prince’s waist, “Who would want to attack the castle?”

“I don’t know,” Tom said with a clenched jaw, despite his attempts to sound calm, the alarmed edge to his words failed to slow your rapid beating heart.

“You don’t know? You’re the prince!”

“Yes! As far as I’m aware we’ve been at peace with everyone for hundreds of years!” 

You took a moment to process his words. Your parents always used to tell you stories of the great war, always bragging that your great grandfather fought the battle that helped peace run through the lands.

The war that ended all wars.

Songs were sung everywhere, children learned about it all the time, hearing the tale of tragedy and loss every day of their loved ones. Hell, even you had the words memorised in your head so that you knew, the people knew that they were safe, that they were free.

The bell high in the castle was only meant to be rung when the crown was under attack. Thousands of questions began to run through your head.

Who would attack?

Why would they right before dawn?

How was anyone not aware of it earlier on?

None of it made sense.

“Come one, we got to go,” Tom gripped both your forearms, letting out a heavy breath. His voice was nothing but a distant sound in the back of your head, bouncing off the walls of your skull.

“I-,” you managed to squeak, your throat starting to close up as your breath became shorter, coming out in little, shaky huffs with deep inhales.

“Y/n, Y/n? Y/n!” tom said hastily, his hands making its way to your face, directing your eyes to his, “Look at me alright? You’re going to be fine. We are going to be fine alright?” his fingers wiped the wet hair sticking to the front of your face, “When we get back to our horses, yeah? I want you to ride far away okay. Do you remember our tree house, right? At the edge of the forest leading into the meadow? I want you to go there alright? Take galaxy with you and hide out there until i come for you,”

You shook your head, squeezing your eyes shut before looking back into his panicked ones, “Wait, What? Tommy, I’m not letting you go in there by yourself!”

“AND I’M NOT LETTING YOU DIE!” he shouted, trying his best to control his breathing, his distress, his confusion, “I’m not about to lead you into a battle that i know nothing off unarmed!”

“What about you?” you whispered, but loud enough for him to hear, “Do you think I’m okay with you running into battle?”

“I’m the prince, it’s-,” he sighed, “It’s my duty,”

You looked up into his brown eyes, staring into them to find some sort of comfort. You tried to find the joke, something, anything that might tell you that this wasn’t real, all just some sick prank to get you back at disrupting his activities.

But as his pupils dashed back and forth between yours, unable to focus. You knew that you couldn't talk your way out of this one. 

You also knew that you would be of no help in the kingdom in battle but ideas began to pop in your head of how you could help outside the walls

“Alright,” you gulped, “Alright,”

He gave you a quick kiss to the forehead before jumping out of the water. He tossed you his vest as you got out behind him so you could dry your body first. Shuffling around to gather the clothes that were thrown haphazardly in the ground.

Once both of you were fully dressed, Tom grabbed your hand as he led you back to your horse. You ran quickly, trying your best to not let the thoughts consume you but focus on what you needed to do, what you had to do.

Letting go of your hand as you both reached the clearing, he ran to his horse, untying his restraints. You did the same, petting her main in a calming matter, not only for the horse but for you too.

You both froze at the faint sound of a sword slashing some shrubbery followed by some muffled voices.

“Get on your horse,”

“Tom-,”

“Get on your horse now Y/n,”

You quickly mounted Galaxy, grabbing the reins tightly as Tom pulled out a sword from around his waist, keeping it close to his side. 

“When I tell you to go, you go okay?” he said wearily, his head darting in every direction.

“Tommy,” you said quietly, grabbing his face in the palms of your hand when her turned around to face you. You pressed your lips on his one last time, pulling away to rest your forehead against his, this time without the water surrounding you both.

“Stay safe, okay?” you whispered, rubbing your thumb against his cheek.

“I’ll try my best,” he smiled, taking your hand in his, “For you,”

“Over here!” a gruff voice sounded, “I see a horse!”

“Go, Y/n, Now,” Tom said quickly, moving back to his original stance.

With a split second of hesitation, you pulled at your reigns, kicking the horsed side, riding Galaxy away from the kingdom. You cringed at the distant sound of swords clashing and men screaming. What scared you the most was that you didn’t know who they came from.

But you couldn't focus on that right now, you had to find the tree house and from there, figure out what the fuck you were going to do, to help the kingdom.

To help him.

...

Permanent TagList : @jadegill @joyleenl @sarcastic-sunset-7

Tom Holland Taglist : @dummiesshort @seutarose @thenoddingbunny-blog​

[rose-blooms-red]

@universes-mystery you are a menace to society and I am in....so much pain

anyways, long story short, I have been convinced to make an updated fic post thingy after someone went through my blog and made me look at my old fics :’) 

So!! uhh yeah Ro Fic Hype Post take 2 lmao, i have too many fics at this point so im just gonna link some that made me happy or just that i remember having a grand time writing.

Star Wars

“Be the Rarepair content you want to see in the world”: Listing all the ones from this series would take too long. Just know that these were all a joy to write and that there is a Large Variety lol.

not something that you put to bed: my first foray into soft wars! lmao, i was super nervous with this one lol but I do still like it more than i usually like my fics! And i was happy with how this one came out. It’s Edee squad centric, specifically Neyo and Fox interaction and yeah, there’s a reason i joke that my brand is trauma recovery dkjfskjdf.

don’t break the bottle: my second go at soft wars and I do still like this one, it’s Cody and Neyo centric, around Cody getting Neyo’s pledge and dealing with leftover stuff from Priest’s training. There’s things i’d def try and do better but, its nice and not as bad as i feared nkjdfjnd.

sins of the father: this is a second person Boba Fett character study and I do actually still adore it. it kicked off it’s own series actually, that I cowrite with @graaaaceeliz and has expanded far past what i thought would be just a tiny little oneshot to put my boba and jango feelings. It was a fun adventure into writing in a writing perspective i dont use much and helped me get a bit of a grasp on both Boba and Jango

and the whisper in your head goes quiet: another 2nd person Boba fic, made people mad at me jdfnsjkf. Includes the hc that Boba had a chip and it malfunctioned and Jango had the Kaminoans remove it.

the hum in the air (and the gentle love): was really nice to write and i do still love how soft it is,though there are things i’d def change. It’s a soft little codywan oneshot with poetry.

gentling the edges: Neyo and babies, im just...so soft, there is so much soft

little darling: Fox and babies, because i am so soft still over babies and the older clones okay.

you will be alone, always: was a fun one, made some people cry lol. Obi-Wan centric, canon compliant, with hints of QP Codywan.

love or the lack of it: Bly and Neyo centric, lots of fun to write lol. Soft wars, and im still quite pleased with it. a bit heavy, heed the tags.

the art of the mind: Soft wars, Jet and Bacara Centric. i loved exploring them more honestly, i kinda wanna do something else with them.

Messing around in the soft wars sandbox: now that i think about it, just linking this series might be better XD a lot of the next few I was going to put are from here. It’s basically just all fics set within the Soft War’s AU by @thefoundationproject lol

(give me) something soft: one of my first fics in the Star wars fandom, It’s Kix/Agen and I’m still super soft over this pairing and writing this made me v soft.

the burning heat upon my back: another one of my first few fics in the star wars fandom, It’s an Anakin introspection type piece as I was trying to figure out how to write him and getting settled in the fandom.

like a lazy ocean (hugs the shore): Wingfic, Kit Fisto centric, hinted possible kit/monnk. This was just hilarious to write lmao.

calm your mind and quell your fears: Wingfic, Obi-Wan centric, soft, QP Codywan fluff.

name the child innocence: was fun, Wingfic, Jango Fett centric, it’s a lot heavier than the other wingfics tho, so heed the tags.

childhood (strong and full of foreboding): apparently i really like doing explorations on trauma and how the past can shape you and how you can shape yourself in spite of the past and things like that kjdsnkjsdf. It’s told in various Clone’s p.o.v and switches between Anakin and Obi-Wan’s Not Fun Childhoods.

hold your heart (be still): Ahsoka and Rex bonding! set in the same universe as childhood!

DC

the art of siblings is that sometimes you just wanna fight them: A lot of fun lol, batfam centric, the kids being Themselves and Dick is Exasperated lol

we lay here (for years or for hours): which is an introspection and sort of character study on dick that throws out any semblance of timeline or canon. trigger warnings for depressive and suicidal thought and major character injury

setting fire to our insides for fun (to distract our hearts from ever missing them): in which dick is sad, bruce is gone, and dick really just wants his dad, his sleep-deprived mind decides to be kind, because the world is not, this one made me sad

i have tried to hoard your love (and found it slipping through my fingers): a look at Jason and books, and the complex thing that is a childs need to be loved

fault lines: A fic about recovery and the difficulties, or; Dick Grayson and trauma, recovery, and his siblings. Something’s wrong with all of them but they work through it, eventually.

this one is a rough ride, still a WIP and it deals with a lot of heavy topics, flashbacks, trauma and discussions of the trauma, deaths, injuries, rape, broken relationships and dysfunctional ones, borderline abusive behaviour, talks about all of the above, and the healing process. Tread lightly with this one as it deals with heavy topics in it’s quest to say fuck you to certain dc writers.

Bnha

Shock: Kaminari feels, The dangers of electric quirks

Flicker: The Todoroki’s deserve better, Dabi is an angry child who misses his mama

All I’ve Ever Known: Genfic, Dabi is Touya, Fuck gender, Chronic pain, Touya/Dabi needs help

We go down swinging, My lovers and I: Shigadabihawks, Major Character Death, not a happy one folks.

[gnarf]

Gnarf’s 2020

and what a fucking year that was... Anyways, let’s talk about the good things, shall we?

I made it through 2020 alive and without going insane! Yay! So lets see what else I did. (This is a long post)

In the beginning of 2020 I said I won’t participate in many fests. Only three or something like that. Lets check how that went!

Fests Gnarf participated in: 9

@lockdownfest @lcdrarry @hd-wireless @hpfluff-fest @hd-hurtfest @hd-fan-fair @hd-erised @gameofdrarry in drarropoly @wireless-festive-minifest​

Haha yup, three. Sounds legit. I also wandered off to try if I can art! No worries, I gave that up :D Mad respect to all Artists, arting is exhausting and the progress is too slow for me.

If you really want to check out my attempts, here’s what made its way onto AO3:

Dont Blink! for LCDrarry, it includes the Angels from Doctor Who and was a pain in the arse.

If you knew... was made for H/D Wireless and has the armiest arm i ever saw, very proud of that one. Its also the last thing I made.

Home Sweet Home was also made for H/D Wireless, and the first bigger art piece I tried my hand on.

A muffled groan which is rather explicit and I entirely forgot about making it :D it has a ficlet going with it too.

(I think theres other Art stuff here with the tag #gnarf draws or something)

I reached my yearly goal of writing 100k words once again!

Fics and Ficlets I wrote this year: 20(ish)

Better Side of the Bed (Lock Down Fest, T, 2k)

It was all Malfoy's fault. Harry could be at the Burrow right now, but instead he was trapped in Malfoy's tiny flat. All because that dick couldn't stop bothering him about a stupid life debt he didn't even care about.

Doing What's Best (G, ~800 words)

Lucius looked down at the little bundle currently sleeping in Narcissa's arms and felt terror shoot through his body. A little boy, his hair so white it was nearly invisible. Born only a few hours ago, taking his first breath in the light of the rising sun. Narcissa had whispered a welcome, her eyes wet, her smile bigger than ever. But they both knew, even though temporarily safe, he really wasn't. Draco was born into a world ruled by war. If only it'd end soon.

I better be hallucinating this (T, 3.8k)

After the war Draco Malfoy is sentenced to Azkaban for a really long sentence. Apparently aiding in Dumbledore's death overrules any argument Harry could put up for him. After the trial, as the days pass by, Harry is more and more outraged at the sentence. He can't stop obsessing over the fact that Draco Malfoy saved his life and aided him during the war and is very much capable of redemption. Not to mention that Malfoy has always been a delicate git and would never survive Azkaban. After a few weeks obsessing Harry decides that Malfoy indeed can't remain unjustly in Azkaban and starts to plot a way to break him out of jail and hide him in Grimmauld Place. When Hermione finds out she's not amused. Ron is horrified. Draco still thinks he's hallucinating.

Keep Holding On (Wireless, M. 33.333) A collab with @maesterchill​ who surprised me with lovely art for it!

After the Battle of Hogwarts, Harry and Draco both fall into their own battles with their mental states. Draco is sent to Azkaban, and Harry turns to drinking, hoping to forget. Months later, Harry visits St Mungo’s new ward on the request of a friend, only to find Draco in a deep vegetative state. Not willing to give him up, Harry stays by his side, while simultaneously dealing with the Ministry's newest grand idea to make everything worse. Making new allies, and losing old ones along the way, will hopefully be worth it in the end.

Age is just a number (Fluff Fest, T, 1.5k)

Married for decades, their life is perfect. Until Harry gets a call and hears the following words: "Mr Potter, we caught your husband stealing ten large packs of King Sized condoms."

There was still hope (Hurt Fest, M, 3.1k)

Draco winced as pain shot through his leg with every step. This secret, back-alley laboratory had been his last chance, last hope, to find the potion. But nobody had it in stock, and there was no time left to brew it himself. Panic was slowly overtaking his entire mind as he crept out of the store and back to the nearest alley to Apparate back home. He already felt off, and it was still early in the day. Of course this thestral-shit had to happen to him, of all people. As if life wasn't bad enough for him already.

Desire (E, 1.7k)

"Auror Potter, what a pleasant surprise to meet you here. What can I do for you?" "Stop the show, Malfoy. There's no one around, and I'm not here as an Auror." Draco watched Potter move closer until they were nearly nose to nose, only the small counter of his shop kept Potter at distance. Potter's eyes were dark with something Draco couldn't exactly name, his face was flushed and the air surrounding him felt somehow static. Draco felt the urge to lean further over his counter, to drink in his sight, to touch the man on the other side—but he didn't.

Drarropoly 2020 currently holds 7 ficlets and is in a Series. The highest rating is Mature and its 3.2k in total at this point.

Let's not wait for France (Fan Fair, T, 17.7k)

All Harry had wanted from his Eighth year at Hogwarts was a little peace and a little privacy but, from the moment that he stepped onto Platform 9 3/4, it was obvious that nothing was ever going to be that easy. An accidental bond with Malfoy that resulted in them having to stay together at all times was the final straw. Things couldn't be worse. So much to a quiet year in Hogwarts.

Love letters for the oblivious (Mini Wireless, T, 716 words)

Draco had gotten the strangest letters all week long, which wasn't what anyone needed at Christmas. Especially not him. Either someone was taking the piss, or he had a very dumb and inefficient secret admirer. And Draco didn't know which would be worse.

Double-Booked (Mini Wireless, T, 2.1k)

Finally, peace and quiet, and— "Malfoy?!?" Or the one where Harry thought he could enjoy a quiet Christmas far from everyone, just to find out that the cabin he had booked already accommodated another guest.

The best Christmas he ever had (Mini WirelessT, 1.9k)

Christmas had never been less appealing to him than this year. That was until Arthur Weasley showed up at his door, dressed as Santa, inviting him to the Burrow.

Anon Fests to be added

Whoever made it to this point: yoooo! Friend! Lots of love to you! I also got tagged in many get to know me posts, plenty of love in my Inbox giving me love slaps left and right (honestly, im bruised, stop slapping me), amazing person awards, top 5 fics, and whatever you can think of.

To make up for not answering most of them because I’m a horrible person:

My favourite colour: purple My age: I’ll be 30 next year in April, I expect gifts, I don’t accept first borns My favourite trope: eight year My favourite animal: cat My favourite ice cream: Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough Here’s my writing Playlist, it’s the worst you’ll ever see, and yes, I use YouTube, I’m old.

Other things that happened in 2020 that made me happy:

I kicked out my mentally/emotionally abusive partner of 7 years in January

I kept my grandma alive through this *waves hand at world*

I was able to share my birthday cake with my family becaus I got to leave my first quarantine a few days before my birthday

I got to keep my job

I found a lot of lovely friends in this fandom, and got to keep them through this year

My cats are their usual little jerks and actually enjoyed me being at home due to the raging pandemic

I finally cut off my hair

I’m about to hit 3.5k followers here and I love you all

I’m also tagging everyone who sees this and wants to do something similiar! Show us what you did in 2020, the things you’re proud of, and the things you loved! Let’s spread some happy for the end of the year 💜🥰

[yamagucji]

a series of thank you’s i’ve been meaning to give for a while now. please note i couldn’t get everyone bc im smol brained and im forgetful :(( also its vedy long so i added a readmore link but if it’s okay then i can remove it!

i would’ve preferred to go to your inboxes/dm’s but im scared t🤢umblrs going to glitch on me if i do it again a ha ha

@doublemoons

i remember you sent in my first ever request and i was SO happy like🥺 my account had no visibility on week 1 but then you somehow found my blog and since then you’ve been supporting me. i love the aesthetic of your blog and i always look forward to your rb’s because they so cute and insightful !! ik we haven’t talked much but i definitely perceive u as a gentle person here’s 1k hearts for you and you only <3

@insanityqueen

please i was *intense squealing* and *happy noises* when you said you wanted to be mutuals :’) im definitely uhhh way too immature for u but you still stick with all the caps and !!! i send you😭 you’re such an interesting, talented person. day 1 you got me HOOKED with your art and im gonna say this again,, i have never seen skin look soo s o f t painted. im really grateful for your company and all your cats and the hinata art you made me🥺 i am not still thirsting over it i swear and then you sent me pieces of your writing and i def expected hc’s but then BOOM🧍‍♀️ im so amazed by your writing. also you are vv pretty i hope you know that

@zephyrria

matching heart memes matching heart memes😾 i don’t talk to you as much but our main form of communication is literally exchanging heart memes w/o a word,,, if that isn’t true love idk what is :// anyway i love our little convos so much it always brightens my day! and omg lets not forget when you made me a drabble back😳 like wha- HUH !! i was so touched i rlly went boom boom woosh bc no ones ever written me one back and i!! that yamaguchi gives me so much comfort. you give me sm comfort, thank you bub <3

@beanst0ck

hehe my first tumblr crush😼 as soon as i deactivated my reading account to my a writing blog i was like “ok bean is on my top to-follow list” like i thought you were so cool and i was vv shy to interact with you🥺 and YOU STILL ARE COOL!! your works are really amazing and i am vv much still in love w my matchup w suga :’)

@killuababie

HHHH GRR BORK BORK I LUB U B NEVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU BHH💓✨ bro,,,, when we switched over to insta it was WILD like— our sense of humor? matched. immaculate. please i love seeing all the memes u send me it makes my day so much like u don’t understand😭 and our convos really go chaos sometimes gkfjdj i love it. u need to pull up and play among us w me sometime 😡

@bewwybun

m-my first spouse🥺 even tho it was a joke the first time and i said sike fkdjdjdj but you still accepted my dino chimken nuggie ring hehe <3 bub your are literally the CUTEST HHHHH LIKE,,, cuteness overload !!! i love talking to you sm and our little exchange of heart memes make the butterflies in my tummy go ✨

@mei-writes

may🥺 imy bub i hope you’re doing well and taking good care of yourself. still very grateful for that time you pulled through to check which of my links weren’t working. and there’s a LOT. like the fact that you took time out of your day for me still baffles me. anyway im lomve you ik we don’t talk as much but you’re still a valued moot to me. im offering u free headpats hehe

@kozsma

hi maria👉👈 you’re so wonderful and rlly amazing w your smaus. absolutely smitten over our chaotic conversations fkfjd we haven’t talked in a while but if you see this just know that i’m here for you <3 take some self care okay? hope you’re doing good bub

@tsukkeisimp

dalia, you wondering being💞 please what did i do to deserve your love >;( we don’t talk much but we have exchanged heart memes before and you’re always out here supporting me whenever you can and like!! tysm bub. i hope you’re feeling better from the last time we interacted, and please do take good care of yourself!

@satorispup

can’t believe you made a reputation of having a piss kink. what power. what energy >>> anyway it’s fun seeing your chaotic energy on my feed/tl. sometimes i won’t even look at the user and say yeah💔 that’s hero alright gkfjdj also you’re so cute what the heck😡😡

@tobiokvgs

[ insert 100 hearts ] this for u bub. im still going crazy over your tsukki lipbalm piece like i was so FLUSTERED you really did that huh😭 you’re so nice and sweet, ty for giving me headbonks as well im really glad to get them😌 hope you have an amazing day bub, and take care!!

@bunnyuuji

cutecutecutest bean ever🥺 you have such wonderful works and im truly in love with your writing😌 also you’re so SWEET WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE U GKFJDJ literally you weren’t obligated to stop by my ask and check in but u did >:(

@yanderepunkin

hehe ik we haven’t interacted in such a long time but im including you!! bc i appreciate you!! i know you’ve supported me a lot especially when i just started this blog and im really thankful for it. also uhhh im still not over accidentally turning off anon when i was- yeah😿 i wish you all the love in the world, and please do take gentle care of yourself 💓

@ahkaahshi

frannn👁👁🤲 yes im gonna start with how big brained you are. your passion for textiles and improving the environment is vv cool to me. and then there’s the fact you write these hq characters so well. yes i am absolutely still living for your character analysis. i am thriving off of them!! here’s me manifesting kita and/or sakusa to show up in your dreams hehe

@sachirou-senpai

i hope you dont mind me sending u stuff every now and then! anyway im in awe of your writing and art skills. you brought a realistic yamaguchi and i ascended😳 i genuinely think you’re such a cool person but also please take breaks!! ik it’s such an overused phrase but i genuinely mean it. i care u <3

@kenmakodzu

you’re so sweet and you do really be sending me back some heart memes😳 i go BOOM BOOM yaya that’s more to my collection;) also you and your hq anon interactions go WILD omg it really does make my day more interesting whenever i see them😂 also i do be seeing some of ur chaotic energy on my dash and i am HERE for it

@tsukkisbean

hemlo clara🥺 d-do you remember me gkdjshsjs i think its been a while since we interacted. you’re so sweet and AHH lmao did u know we were in a poly with wiss😔💔 yeah❤️ n e way i hope you’ve been alright these past few weeks, and if not, please get some break!

@atsunflower

miya twin supremacy😡 can’t believe you made me swerve over to osamu’s lane because of your amazing writing. how could you. the mf audacity. i rlly do fell in love with that piece do so THAMK U and that also goes for the support you’ve given me💗

@lespaghetti

ozzy👁👁🤝 ngl our conversations have been top tier im glad i got to uhmm,,, get some of these *thoughts* out of my head. you’re such a sweet little bean!!! that art/sketch you did with the purple (?) themed uniforms was really cute. im glad to have u as my moot and *cough* my vip reader *cough*

@sleepykarabou

our heart meme streak was strong until school happened😔 but i really enjoy them tho!! it’s very calming talking to you (fun, but also vv calming idk that’s how i feel) loving the brainrots we give each other of our favs from time to time :’) also omg OSRRY im barely active in the server please spare me😿 im lomve u

@nerdybreadcollaborative

gee!! AHHHH KGFJJD GRRR u sweet bean oh my goodness. where do i start- ??? i’ve already gushed so much abt your writing but here we go again; i love your writing so much and your attention to the little details is so great. they flow so well and i hope u get more visibility bc it’s what u deserve!! also please take care of yourself and don’t work too much u nerdy bean

@nishinoya-is-baby

ely my plant kinnie, my spouse (?) and also the blog that i dump my h word thots on😭❤️ ahhh im lomve you, you’re amazing. from your writing, to your makeup skills, and your room, the talent really ✨jumped out✨thank you for supporting me so much, i genuinely appreciate it. i hope we can stay moots despite me being busy gkfjdj anyway take care bbie don’t work too much okay?

@art0saurus

TATE😤 the amount of hq brainrot you’ve fed me is astronomical. idk how you keep coming up with such good ideas but im all for them!! i love your writing so much and the plots are so *chefs kiss* (yes im still gushing over mermaid!bokuto). thank you so much for sending some bits of positivity into my life, im really grateful for it :’)

@dorkyhaikyu

EL!😼 you sweet bean. wish i could bombard ur asks but school is saying no </3 you’re such a sweet mutual and your writing is absolutely amazing. still kinda hurt over that angst u made💔 but anyway i loved it sm. also please wear safer shoes next time on big events so u dont get any more BLISTERS kgjdjdh jkjk

@chickenwingspiker

nashnashnash🥺👉👈 wth you’re so cute and even cuter with the little emoticons u put in my asks. i really appreciate you taking time out of your day to check in on me. i think your works are really heckin cool, im still very into that sock agenda one and the akaashi fic AHH i love them sm. i hope that u have better experiences with online learning and i really wish you all the best on ur art journey <3

@miyastrology

did u forget abt our walk to the strawberry field😿 jkjk heyyy atlas!! im lomve your theme and your writing. i have the urge to say you’re as sweet as strawberry bc im unoriginal like that💔 let’s just pretend i put something kute :’( n e way u are vv cute, make sure to take care of yourself ok!!

@derpeedoo

your rb’s and comments on ppl works... i just... my heart is full. im complete. i go absolute doki doki for you. you’re such a genuine person and you give people so much love❤️ here’s an unlimited supply of my love to you bc you deserve it. ty for all the cute questions btw🥺

🕊 anon - still wondering if ur one of my already-moots or not😳 but anyway dove anon i have a lot to say,,, like how ?? do u go “ok let’s check in on aaron today hehe” like am i interesting??😭 i feel kinda bad ngl you really don’t have to talk to me. but nevertheless im really appreciate of all the support you’ve given me. i genuinely think you’re a cool person and you do all these fun stuff like photography which is amazing. here’s the biggest THANK YOU i could ever give <3 ps. your art is CUTE and AMAZING @bee-kins

@simping-for-tendou

do i??? spam your feed??😭 you’re always liking my posts and i feel so sorry for spamming but also vv appreciate of all the interaction i’ve had with you!! im very glad i got to ask you qotd and stuff because i got to know that you like plants as well!! thank you for sharing plant facts with me, it really made my day. i genuinely think you’re such an awesome and big brained person for knowing all those facts🥺👉👈

@wissaaltje

ngl i was very intimated by you bc of all your angst and really good works which is probably why i never reached out to you sooner😿 ur my uhhh third spouse <3 but anyway your CHAOTIC ENERGY is thru the roof i love that sm and your writing is so mf beautiful i wish more people got to see it😡 i will gib you flower soup and muddy pie to make you feel better ;) jkjk but you’re very amazing and i hope you know that!

@smolbludandelions

hehe you’re in here😼 thank you ???? for supporting me even tho you’re not obligated??? like wh- i- bub🥺🤲 you have all my heart and i rlly rlyy want to stop by your inbox and give you heart memes but me why >;( i hope you have the most amazing day(s) of your life because you deserve it SO much.

@tadashi-simp

FINALLY someone i can simp over yamaguchi with😭 ik we haven’t talked much but AH i love the conversations we’ve had so far and all that insight you gave me about the new wanda film (truly a blessing bc i was so genuinely confused gkfjdj).

@oikaw-ugh

just. JOLLIBEE. can’t believe one of our first interactions was u sending me chain mail smfh i cannot believe you😭 anyway po i appreciate you so much na kaka tawa ako sa mga msgs mo and all the good vibes u radiate. mag bisaya unta ko nimi pero baka mag nosebleed ako😿 im losing my native languages it’s not even funny anymore but when i got to talk to u in my mother tongue, i felt a bit more at home. thank you bub <3

@makemealive

hihi👉👈 idrk what we first talked about, i think it was spending vacation in the galapagos islands??😭 riding turtles??? what a great way to start our friendship :’) i rlly think you’re cool and i just,,,, admire u from afar- yeah. sorry this message is too chaotic but anyway u might not have a green thumb but look at you growing potatoes accidentally😌 anyway i think you’re cool i just haven’t said it before because im s Hy

@lostsealscreams

seal, bub, i genuinely care about you. you’re such a sweet person. i know we haven’t interacted much but im looking forward to more conversations with you!! please find little fun things to do... maybe do some self appropriation if you can, bc you deserve it. maybe even treat yourself... or any self care tasks that make you feel better. i care about you a lot, im just an ask/dm away if you wanna talk about anything at all💕💞✨

@hqgardenia - jkjk this is my spam account idk why i put this here but here probably bc im dumb as fuck

[just-a-fangirl13]

MacRiley fan-fic

This one is a classic. Probably wont happen but it was fun to write anyways!

Season 4 spoilers..... duh!

******************************

“Good night guys. Riles you coming?” said Mac with his usual smile leaving the war room followed by Desi and Bozer. Matty and Russ were still busy.

Mac had been wanting to tell Riley about his break-up with Desi but they had got the call from Matty.

Desi and he realised they were never going to work. The weird part was that he didn't feel heartbroken. 

He had seen it coming for a while now, it was just a matter of finally ripping off the band-aid. Desi seemed fine too, she still nipped at him occasionally but they had managed to keep it professional for the whole mission. Desi was staying with him until she could get back her old apartment.

“No I have some stuff I need to do. Good night Mac.” said Riley with a tight lipped smile. 

Mac raised his eyebrow at her. “Okay. Good night then. Call me if you need a lift anyways.” He and Des got into his car while Riley walked to the nearest bar.

The mission had been rough. Riley felt completely spent but she needed a drink. It was Friday night and she was all alone. She let that sink in. At the rate she was going she was going to die alone too.

**************

Mac’s phone buzzing woke him up. It was 1 am. It had been barely 2 hours since they got back. 

“Why won't criminals just take a day off.” said Mac half asleep, groaning as he reached for his phone. 

He read the caller id fulling expecting it to be Matty. But it wasn't.

All the sleepiness drained right out of him. It was Riley.

“Hello? Riles? What’s going on is everything okay?” said Mac already getting up, fully alert now and trying to make as little noise as possible so as to not wake Desi up in the adjoining room.

Mac could here loud music in the background. What the hell was going on?

“Hey Mac. I need a ride.”

**************************

Mac found Riley outside The Bar. Riley was drunk and she was standing all alone outside at the entrance when she had called. Mac drove over as fast as he could. His heart racing the whole time.

He pulled up to where she was standing. Silently thanking the universe that she was okay. 

“Riles? Are you okay” said Mac with deep concern on his face.

Riley nodded but swayed on her feet. Mac caught her.

“Okay lets get you home.”

Mac got Riley in the passengers seat and buckled her up. He had just started up the car when Riley mumbled.

“I’m sorry. I'm so so sorry” and tears started rolling down her face. Mac’s heart broke a little. Why had he not gone with her? What if something had happened to Riley? What if he had somehow missed her call?

“Riles. You dont have anything to be sorry for. It’s okay. Its a best friends duty to pick up them up especially when they get drunk. Today’s mission was hard on all of us.” said Mac with a smile. It really was the least he could do for her. She had put everything on the line when she had come to his rescue. She was always there. The one true constant in his life. The one person he could count on.

Riley just went on apologising until a minute later she had closed her eyes and fallen asleep. Mac looked over at her a few times. She seemed so peaceful. He had been so caught up with Desi, Codex and Phoenix that he hadn't even paid attention to what was going on with Riley. Something was definitely eating at her. He was hoping he could have talked to her today, tried to get to the bottom of things.

Riley had seemed a little distant lately. He didn't even blame her. He had no idea what was going on with her, but for now he would be there for her just like she was for him.

Mac pulled over outside Riley’s apartment. He didn't want to wake Riley up but he couldn't help it.

“Riles,” Mac whispered. “I need you to wake up now. Please.”

Riley opened her eyes slowly. He helped her out of the car and grabbed her bag. It was a good thing he knew she kept her keys in the tiny zipper in her favourite bag which she was also carrying right now.

He opened the apartment door and helped Riley in. He set her down on her bed  and took off her boots. Riley was half asleep and was really out of it. 

He tucked her in and was about to switch off the small bedside lamp when Riley reached for his arm.

“Hey Mac” she slurred a bit while talking,”Thanks for picking me up. Your a good friend you know. Don’t ever doubt that.”

Mac smiled. Even half drunk Riley was still thinking about him. He brushed out a few strands of hair out of her face and turned off the light.

“Good night Riles.” said Mac leaving the room.

“Love you, Mac” says Riley before cuddling into her covers and falling straight asleep.

Mac froze at the door, his heart pounding. 

He had misheard her right? But he found himself hoping he hadn't.

It hit him like lightning. He loved Riley too, didn't he? Deep down he always had. 

He had told himself that he had held her hand when that missile was about to hit them because he wanted Riley to know he was sorry. Sorry that he couldn't save her. But it was more than that,wasn't it?

He had loved her. 

Mac smiled to himself. He was such an idiot. How had he not seen it sooner. Not seen what was right in front of him the whole time.

But he wouldn't say anything until he knew for sure.

**********

The next morning Riley woke up to the worst hangover. Maybe even worse than the one that Mac’s alcohol breaking down drug had given her when he, Leanna, Bozer and she were undercover.

She dragged herself to the shower and got changed which is when it registered that she could smell pancakes. What the hell?

“Good morning sleepy head.” said Mac a little too loudly. Riley winced. 

Mac was cooking.... Pancakes... In her kitchen... In her house....

She looked over at her sofa and saw a blanket draped on it.

“Hope you dont mind. I crashed here after last night just incase you needed me.”

“No of course I dont mind. I’m just really hazy on what happened last night.” said Riley rubbing her head.

Mac placed a steaming cup of coffee in front of her along with a plate of chocolate chip pancakes.

“You dont remember anything?” asked Mac trying to hide the disappointment in his voice. “You got really drunk last night and called me to ask if I could give you a ride home. You were really out of it.” said Mac with smile.

Bits and pieces came rushing back as she took a seat at the kitchen island. She had gone to the bar and had one drink after another and had completely lost track. She remembered contemplating calling Mac and then sitting in his car. She couldn't remember if she said anything. What if she told him about her feelings. Oh no no no no. Rileys mind was going into overdrive.

“Oh god Mac. I’m so sorry. I probably ruined you and Desi’s night. Im such an idiot. I dont even remember what I was thinking.”

“Hey hey its okay Riles. Besides Desi and I aren't dating anymore.” said Mac.

Woah. It was really taking her a while to process things.

“I’m sorry to hear that Mac. I feel like such a terrible friend. I didn't even notice something was up.” said Riley. Gosh when had she become such a mess.

“It was a long time coming. Desi and I just weren't right for each other. We both knew it, but we were hanging on to the relationship because it was familiar I guess.” said Mac.

Riley just silently nodded. Her mind was spinning.

“Anyways” said Mac smiling, “try the pancakes. I need to know if they are any good.”

Riley eyed the plate remembering Mac’s track record with cooking. She could feel Mac’s gaze on her so she tried it.

“Okay wow. These are actually really good.” said Riley. Mac laughed, ”Mission Accomplished. You have to tell Bozer they were good, okay? He won't believe me if I say it.”

Riley and Mac sat there eating chocolate chip pancakes, laughing. Riley felt like all the problems in the world just fell away.

***************

Riley was helping Mac clear up even though he had insisted he would do it on his own. There was still that worry that she had said something to Mac nagging her. He seemed alright. A little chirpy but happy. 

“Mac. Last night. I didn't say anything stupid right?” said Riley washing the plate and handing over the last one to Mac to dry it since he had insisted. 

“Why?” asked Mac a curious look on his face. “Was there something I needed to know?”

“Nope no reason. I was just really out of it yesterday. Just curious if I said anything.” said Riley relief washing over her.

“Well there was one thing I wanted to talk to you about actually.” said Mac putting the last plate away. 

“Riles, I’m sorry Ive been such a terrible friend to you lately. I..just.. with everything going on with Codex and Desi.. i..never even bothered to check in on you. I had no idea why you were being distant until I realised last night that you were probabaly drunk because you felt like you couldnt talk to me. You’ve always been there no matter what and I couldn't even return the favour. I'm so sorry.”

Mac looked so stressed. He really thought it was his fault she was avoiding him. 

Oh god what had she done. The exact reason she didn't want to tell Mac the truth was so she didnt hurt him but seeing him like this broke her heart. She loved him so much it physically hurt sometimes.

“Mac. Its not your fault. It has nothing to do with-” Riley stopped herself. She had nothing to lose right? She should just tell him. No more lies or secrets.

Mac looked up searching her face. She wasn't meeting his eye and she was fidgeting with her hands. 

Could it be possible that Riley was distancing herself from him because of what she said last night? Could it really be true?

"Before you say anything, there is something you should know." said Mac. This was it. He felt brave all of a sudden.

"You said something last night. I mean I could have misheard you but it sounded you like you said you love me. Is that what this about?" Mac sounded so nervous.

Riley was shocked. She had said it last night. Oh god what if he didnt feel the same way?

"I- Mac- I am so sorry. I just- You were dating Desi and I just broken up with Aubrey and I just had to-"

Before Riley could finish Mac kissed her. And she kissed him back.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. " said Mac smiling. "I'm such an idiot. It took me so long to see what was in front me this whole time."

Mac held Rileys hand in his and they started at each other and smiled. They were in their own happy bubble.