#now i get to be dumb in so many exciting and potentially blinding ways

[fooltofancy]

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[notnctu]

cupid’s arrow - h.rj | 7 days

━ sweet greetings from the 7 days fluff series 

genre ❥ slight angst, fluff !!  details ❥ college!au, friends to lovers!au, genderneutral!reader ━ where renjun makes a bet to get you to fall in love with him.  warnings ❥ explicit language, light banter word count ❥ 7.1k  synopsis ❥ The silly boy has no idea what he’s gotten himself into when he makes a bet with his arrogant friend to get you to fall in love with him. Renjun never intends to confess, mainly because his past unrequited loves have demolished his confidence. So a low stakes gamble causes him a great deal of stress and pride, wishing that it was as easy as striking you with Cupid’s Arrow. While he wants your feelings to develop organically, he actually doesn’t know what he’d do if you did end up liking him back. Because to him, you have always been someone unattainable and out of his reach  taglist ❥ @yourmagnanimousholiness​ ; @lovelycharm05​ ; @watermelonxes​ ; @jaehyunsjasmine​ ; @mjlkau​​ <3

a/n ❥ this is author doie ❀!! uhh this came out a little more angsty than i had planned it to be.. anyways its been a long time coming and we’re still working on the requests hehehe uhh keep an eye out for some blog updates bc we are starting school soon :) thanks for sticking with us so far! lots of love for everyone<3

Huang Renjun catches a glimpse of your enchanting figure across the lecture hall and how you effortlessly slide into your usual seat near the front. The tap against the tiny turnout table with your pen, ruffling your hair to only have it fall back in place beautifully, and aura alone suffocates him.

In a three hundred person lecture, all he sees is you. The only person in the room who has his undivided attention and while it might be entirely infatuation by your attractiveness, the mutual friends you two share describe you having a heart of gold.

A heart that is impenetrable. Strong, sturdy, shining metal that no one has been able to get through, but Renjun thinks that it’s because you can tell someone is undeserving. Keen and observant eyes, it’s a good thing that his stares don’t linger for long.

As he walks down the descending steps to sit in the row behind you, he remembers a very drunk night over the past weekend and an idiotic bet that has him punching himself. He wishes that he never agreed, but the liquid pride in him could not bite his tongue.

“(Y/N)?” His friend scorns and Renjun slaps his forehead at the slip of your name. Truthfully, the alcohol is messing with his head and he’s saying things that are no longer in his control. But how could he have possibly let the one secret he holds to himself out into the small crowd.

He mumbles profanities underneath his breath, trying to limit light from hurting his blurry vision, and rubbing his throbbing temples. “Yes, (Y/N).” There is no confidence in his voice at the whisper of your name.

“Dude, (Y/N) is way out of your league.” The headache just doesn’t have an end. He knows this; there is no way you’d ever bat an eyelash at him first. Renjun just likes things that are impossible to him, a poor habit of his.

“I bet I could get (Y/N) to get with me first before you ever can.” Then, Renjun’s eyes shoot open wide and the view of the arrogance laughing in the dimness slowly boils his blood.

Renjun may seem like the weaker link to pick on, but he is not one to give up a fight. While his friend has an advantage, the last thing Renjun would want is for you to fall for a horrendous two faced personality.

He’ll charm your pants off and when he gets what he wants: the victory and your vulnerability, he’ll hurt you. Would you be able to see past his fake genuineness or actually fall for the person he plays so well? Renjun can’t let anyone hurt you if he can prevent it.

“I bet that I can get (Y/N) to fall in love with me.” Renjun stumbles to stand up proudly, making himself bolder and more intimidating. Nevertheless, the drowsiness intoxicates him and he can barely keep his line of vision focused.

He sees the disgusting smirk on his friend’s face and a hand extends out for Renjun to shake. “Okay. Let’s bet on it. If you can’t get (Y/N) to fall in love with you, they’ll be mine and you can’t speak to them ever again.”

“Nice use of claiming someone who barely knows you exist.” The alcohol didn’t take away Renjun’s sharp sarcasm and the constant rolling of his eyes.

Renjun truly has no confidence at the game he decided to engage in, his only motive is to protect you from a bad guy. He wouldn’t even know how to handle the potential chance that you could like him back, did you have the ability to do so?

He never had the intention to confess to you, his heart has been broken all too much already by unrequited loves from his past. And if he had to be honest with himself, his admiration for you has become so strong that even he’s afraid to be someone to taint it.

What are the odds that the entire row behind you is already filled? Renjun’s throat closes when he sees the empty seat right next to you and the professor starting up his presentation. Other students push past him to hurry into empty seats before lecture begins, and his own feet pick him up toward you.

Like a magnetic pull, you attract him with an inexplicable force so naturally. Clearing his throat, he swallows the anxiousness that blocks him from speaking. 

“Is this seat taken?”

This is it. This is the first of many looks you two will share, and Renjun’s heart pounds at his chest to wait for your eyes to meet his own for more than a second.

As if the room falls silent and everything is in slow motion, Renjun captures the very image when you blink up at him with beautiful dazzling gentleness and the utter sugar of your lips curling upwards. And he’s stunned, hoping it doesn’t show on his face.

“No.” It’s a simple reply and nothing worth jumping out of joy about, but he tries so hard to hold back the growing smile of your acknowledgement. You are being polite, but something inside of him feels giddy and like static running through his veins.

“Thanks.” Dropping his bag, he enters the seat carefully and sits with his hands folded together on the tiny table.

You examine the attentive boy, as his focus is trained on the lecture slides and the unprepared professor messing with his mic. Chuckling, “you don’t take notes?”

Renjun is surprised at your sudden interaction, completely blindsided by your friendliness. He wasn’t sure how well that would have worked, but your curiosity speaks for you. “I actually forgot my laptop today.” The heavy device sits in his bag at his feet, but he doesn’t dare take it out after the lie.

The soft ‘oh’ that falls from your mouth is too cute and Renjun clears his throat to bring him back from his daydreams of you. Looking apologetic, he shrugs and pretends to gear his attention back to the professor, who finally starts the long awaited class.

“I can send you my notes for the day, if you’d like.” The kindness in your voice does not go unnoticed, in fact, it causes Renjun to hold onto it for a little longer to fuel his undying crush for you.

“I’d love that—” Perhaps he shouldn’t have used the word love for the strictly friendly gesture. “—you’re a lifesaver. Uh, how should I refer to you as?” Playing dumb is his only way to get to you, for now.

“(Y/N). And you?” You hand your phone toward him with social media popped up to input his user handle.

Renjun introduces himself as his sweaty fingers type, and he wonders if he should have polished up any photos that may have you steering away from him. However when he returns your device, the smile that lights up your face allows him to breathe easily.

“I knew you sounded familiar. You’re friends with Jaemin, right?” Your whisper grows soft as you multitask to make conversation and jot down a few important bullet points from the slides. Renjun tries hard to dissect the information as well, but the boring tone of his professor is nothing compared to his crush finally having conversation with him.

“We’re housemates along with two other people.” His body is able to relax now that he’s broken the wall of introductions. You carry yourself to be more intimidating than you actually are.

When he peeks back over at your concentrated expression, your lip is hidden by your top row of teeth and your quick eyes dart between the monitor and your page. How are you so good at literally everything?

“A small world.” He picks up your every word, “well Renjun, since this class has basically ruined my life, would it be too much to ask if you’re down to study with me?” And despite the fluorescent lights being absolutely dull, they still dust your eyes with an enticing glitter.

He must have been staring for too long because you start your sentence of doubt, but Renjun stammers over his response. The professor isn’t quite happy with the small overlap of chatter and shoots a glare at the two of you.

That’s definitely not a good way to start, but it’s memorable. Renjun motions for your pen, and scribbles in his own font the answer to your offer:

I’d love that :)

Then, his heart soars back into the clouds once again at the grin that settles and your written response:  

Me too <3

How does one get someone to fall for them? If Renjun knew, he wouldn’t still be single and infatuated with someone too good for him. He wishes that it’s as simple as the myths make it out to be, where all Cupid had to do was draw his bow and launch a loving arrow that pierces through the heart — an instant love.

But playing Cupid himself is harder than anticipated. He has no handy tools to assist him with his goals. He just has himself, lacks luster and is invisible. Can he be more painfully boring?

And he looks at you with literal hearts in his eyes. An excitement that awaits him, the true meaning of a head turner. That is you. And all he can offer is his mere presence.

“So how did you and Jaemin meet?” Looking up from your blinding laptop screen, Renjun feels the light tap underneath the table from your foot. He chuckles at the subtly adorable affection, and your own way of showing it.

This has to be the third round of study sessions you two shared, and bit by bit, he falls more and more for you despite it needing to be the other way around. The captivating get-to-know you conversation of favorites all down to your aspirations and goals.

The intelligence of you, your wisdom, your perspective. While he did not have this insight before, knowing it now only makes you more alluring. He can’t believe you’re even sitting with him in his shared living room, just the two of you.

“We met at orientation. He’s persistent.” Renjun laughs lightly and you smile in return, nodding along with his statement.

“Wish I met you guys at orientation. I was never the one to reach out to people first until college forced me out of my shell.” He hopes his ears didn’t deceive him, but Renjun had to do a double take: you said you guys, which includes him, right? You wish you had met him earlier?

But the latter shocks him a bit. If he recalls your first meeting, you were the one curious enough to continue speaking to him. “I would have never guessed.”

“Really?” There is a notable light in your eyes as you tilt your head. “I don’t seem shy?”

“Not at all…” He has to stop himself from going on an incredible tangent about how greatly outspoken you are, it gives away too much on how observant he’s been.  

“I’m good at hiding it then.” You examine the soft shade of pink on the tips of his ears and his averting shy gazes. “What are you good at hiding?”

Your question leaves him speechless and gripping at any ends of answers. There are a number of ways he can go about it, but the truth is not one of them.

What is he good at hiding? His unconditional affection for you. He’s good at concealing every heavy heart beat at your smallest actions. He’s good at keeping a regretful secret bet.

But as those options pop into his head, he doesn’t want to say any of them. So, he opts for a white lie instead and hopes that the hesitation doesn’t sell him out for being a nervous wreck.

“I’m good at hiding what I fear.” You blink at him, clearly intrigued to want to know more.

“You do seem pretty fearless, Huang Renjun.” There is a brief exchange of eye contact and Renjun swears that his pounding heart can be heard in the silence. A smirk on your lips as you return to your work, he’s warm inside from the usage of his full name. And you don’t even realize the effect you have over him.

“So, you and (Y/N) are close. How did that start?” Jaemin jumps onto Renjun’s neatly made bed. The covers are now ruffled and tossed from the impact.

Jaemin isn’t home very often, but in the rare times he has been, it’s always during the study sessions with you. The first time you came over, Jaemin tried not to talk up a storm from seeing a familiar face. He respects Renjun’s relationships, so he tried his best to keep from prying at the boy.

“You finally want to know?” Renjun scoffs lightheartedly, punching his housemate lightly on the shoulder as he swivels around in his chair. With an excited wide smile, Jaemin tugs at his friend’s arm as an endearing sign of persistence. “Okay, okay. We have the same class.”

“(Y/N) really approached you in a three hundred student lecture?” A tone of disbelief settles in Jaemin’s rhetorical question. He cocks an eyebrow, waiting for Renjun to tell some truth.

“Not exactly. I sat next to them and a conversation just happened.” Renjun shrugs as if it’s nothing big, as if it hadn’t been for your curiosity that started this blossoming relationship.

“Spare me the details.” Jaemin sits up to hold Renjun by his shoulders. The pressure feels oddly crushing, like a whole weight dropping on him. Jaemin stares him dead in the eyes. “What are your motives, Huang Renjun?”

His mouth hangs slightly open from the question. “I can’t be friends with (Y/N)?” Almost defensively, Renjun furrows his eyebrows at his friend, but he can tell Jaemin has caught onto his lie.

“I heard that you made a bet with a certain shithead.” Jaemin rolls his eyes at remembering their horrible mutual, a crime to even consider him as a friend. He drops his heavy hands from Renjun’s shoulders and falls back onto the mattress.  

The alarming expression of grave danger, Renjun is screwed. He gulps the gathered saliva in the back of his mouth, searching for a plausible explanation. “I was drunk.” He slaps his forehead at the stupid reasoning as Jaemin shoots upright to begin scolding him.

“Let me explain,” Renjun covers his mouth to halt Jaemin’s excessive nagging. “I like (Y/N), that’s how the bet even came alive. I slipped up and then he was saying all this stuff about (Y/N) being out of my league.”

“Which is true.” Jaemin adds, quite muffled but doesn’t slip past Renjun.

Renjun glares and thanks him sarcastically. “I made the bet to protect (Y/N) from him. He was provoking me by saying that he can get (Y/N) first and since I was heavily intoxicated, I didn’t think before I spoke.”

Jaemin holds Renjun warmly, seeing that his friend needed a hug from the saddened memory. It’s all too obvious how regretful Renjun feels. “So I’m trying my best at carrying the bet because there’s too much at stake.”

A chill runs down his spine remembering the consequences. He just can’t fail. Jaemin pulls away and lightly pats Renjun’s hair. “Cupid has made you into a fool for your crush.”

“He’s made me into a bigger one for thinking I could get my crush to like me back.” Renjun sighs in defeat and groans loudly. Why does this frustrate him so much? Perhaps it’s the lack of ability to actually get someone to like him back.

Renjun has been single for his entire life, not by choice. He’s done the movie cliches of a confession: a bouquet of roses, a poster, a night under the stars. And not one has ever accepted his feelings. He doesn’t blame any of them since he still struggles with finding things to love about himself. What is there to love about him? He can’t seem to find any redeeming qualities worth mentioning.

But you. You, alone, is simply worth an honorable mention. And now that it’s been well over a month of your friendship, he can confirm that you’re everything he’s ever wanted and more.

“Why don’t you start by being (Y/N)’s friend first? Love doesn’t just happen in an instant, no offense to Cupid or anything. I mean.. isn’t it all just a myth anyways?” Jaemin picks Renjun’s falling chin and he can see the glossy eyes of sadness. They swim with frustration and guilt.

Like an epiphany, Jaemin gave Renjun a starting place. For weeks, Renjun racked his brain for an easy solution out of it all. In reality, he didn’t need any wicked form of magic for foul play. He just wants to be by your side for as long as you allow. And a part of him is scared for you to like him back.

You’ve always been too out of his reach. Standing on a pedestal, you’re something unattainable. It’s lucky that you even bat an eyelash at him. He’s admired you all too much, Renjun won’t actually know what to do if you ever did like him back.

This all stems from his inner insecurities, like a recurring thought: what is there to like about him? Or is he even good enough for you?

If someone had warned him that love could become this confusing, he would’ve sacrificed his heart for something less complicated. To feel. To love. Renjun wishes he can remove the love bow that pierced through his chest.

On a random Friday night, Renjun’s phone rings with an unexpected caller ID. He pauses the song he’s been listening to for the past hour to pick up.

“Renjun! I’m sad and drunk right now.” Your voice is incredibly slurred and he can barely hear you with the loud background noise. “Can you come pick me up?”

“Are you over on Third Ave. again?” He despises that place. A house on the corner of Third Avenue right off the interstate from campus that throws weekly parties. These parties are overcrowded with creeps and cheap booze. Unfortunately, you’re favorite place to run away to.

This isn’t his first time coming to get you. Over the past few months of your established friendship, you’ve sent him numerous amounts of drunk texts calling for him. This is the first time you actually called, preluding to a really rough night you’ve been having.

You sigh into the receiver, “you remembered.” like you’re on the verge of tears, he can hear the quiver in your tiny voice.

“I have your location, idiot.” Renjun smiles at your silly drunk reactions, finding you more enduring from the innocence. “I’ll be there in a blink.”

“Okay, I’ll close my eyes so I can open them to you.” You giggle before hanging up and Renjun can’t keep the widest grin off of his face. He’s rushing out his door, not wanting to wait another second to see you.

One thing Renjun realized after finally growing close enough to you is that through all his infatuation, you’re still a human. While he thinks of you in a sparkling cascading glitter waterfall, you’re made of the same softness that Renjun has. You’re not perfect and he needed to stop idolizing you as if you’re some shiny trophy.

No, he’s learned that he needed to love you for who you truly are. And the moment he broke down your layers, the glass tears that fell from your cheeks were real. The pain through your confident façade, Renjun needed to love you at your lowest.

He saw you for you, not the attractive person from his lecture he drooled months over. You are the exact reality that movies are afraid to portray. You’re courageous, chic, charming. But you’re also shy, soft spoken, and silly. You’re like waking up during dawn and marveling in the silence of a sleeping society. You’re also like smiles on a sunny day and living in the moment.

Renjun is lovestruck, wildly in love with all that you are. The only thing that brings down his spirits is the lingering bet he made several months ago and he hates how it’s always gnawing at him. It’s like an echo, bouncing off the walls of his mind. He can’t shake it off. Most of the time, he tries to focus the moment in front of him, but it has him tossing and turning in the middle of the night.

Without much surprise, you stand in front of the overflowing party house with eyes cutely squeezed shut. A friend by your side to wait with you. “Open your eyes.” Renjun yells as windows roll down and he double parks the car.

Your eyes gleam in the darkness and bidding your friend a quick goodbye, you jump into the familiar vehicle and embrace your good friend with a longing hug. Renjun chuckles at your adorable actions, patting your shoulder lightly. Despite the cheerful welcome, the mood immediately shifts when he hears your tiny sniffs and feels the tears on his shirt.

“C’mon, your favorite ice cream flavor is waiting for you at my place.” As he whispers positive affirmations, you can only cry harder into his chest. “You’re not feeling too good tonight, are you?”

It’s way too obvious of a question to ask, he knows. Truthfully, he didn’t know what to say and comforting is not his strongest skill without it turning it into a life lesson. He knows what you need, just someone to acknowledge how you’re feeling and to listen.

“I’m feeling the worst tonight. I don’t want to talk about it. Maybe later?” You pull away from his arms, even if he isn’t ready to let you go. He helps buckle your seatbelt and wipe any remaining wetness on your cheeks.

Your hand briefly touches Renjun’s which causes the boy to freeze at the sudden action. Your hazy smile is unclear, but you lean into him before he can process all the randomness. A kiss on his cheek, the most delicate feeling of lips on skin.

Renjun explodes inside, like hazardous fireworks on a cloudy night. He wants to enjoy it, but his circumstances make it difficult for him to. “Thanks for coming to get me.” Your body slumps back onto the seat, a pout on your lower lip. Renjun shifts awkwardly in his seat, buckling his seatbelt to begin the ride home. He can’t find the words to say.

You’re being too casual about what had just happened, as if you’re ignoring it all. Or you simply have no control over anything that you’re doing. “Let me tell you a secret, Injunie.” The sugarcoated nickname. You’re definitely too drunk at the moment, and whatever you do now will be long forgotten the next morning.

Renjun still doesn’t say anything, relishing in the kiss on the cheek just seconds ago. His fingers lightly touch his face, grazing upon the very part your lips came in contact with. He’s truly through the moon and— “I used to have the biggest crush on Jaemin.” Renjun abruptly steps on the brakes, whipping the both of you in your seats.

His heart is falling, it’s plummeting and he can’t do anything to save it. “I really didn’t expect such a surprised reaction.”

Renjun clears his throat. “I’m just caught off guard.” Not a lie, he really wasn’t expecting a confession and his heart to break right at this moment. “Why Jaemin?”

He knows why Jaemin. He’s a social butterfly with no caution to the wind and a heart made of pure kindness. A welcoming friendly figure that won’t hesitate to feed into someone’s need for words of affirmation. Not to mention, Jaemin has a good few inches above him and looks of a poster kpop idol. Of course, you liked Jaemin.

“He has such a good heart. I guess I just like guys who think of me first, as selfish as that sounds. I don’t prioritize myself, so it would be nice if someone else did.” You fiddle your thumbs and Renjun is impatiently tapping his fingers against the wheel.

The red traffic light before you enacts two different feelings. Renjun wants this ride to end as fast as possible. You want this ride to last forever.

“But, Jaemin is seeing someone.”

Your head ducks down and out the window at the shining streetlamps; you know very well about Jaemin’s love life. “I didn’t expect anything from him. I just liked him for him. He came to pick me up every time I would ask, I guess I have a thing for guys who do that.”

Renjun tightens his grip, heart pounding at your statement. You peer up to look at your friend in the lack of light. His glasses sit low on his nose bridge, a soft cotton shirt hugs his torso, and pajama pants that clad his legs. A mess bed of hair as the cherry on top.

After Jaemin, you swore to yourself that you wouldn’t fall for anyone so easily. All of that was thrown out the window the very first night Renjun came to your saving. Despite contrary belief, your heart is not as impenetrable as people make you out to be. And as tough as you can be, it was too hard not to be the slightest interested in him.

Ever since your first meeting, Renjun has always been cool and collected. He’s a hothead at his best, but too playful for any serious damage. Renjun reminds you of yourself. Like a huge impenetrable wall built against any trouble to enter, he is as guarded as you are. He’s timid, and while you had tried your best to hide your own, Renjun simply embraces that part of him.

Renjun stayed after every tearful night. He’s helped you through every difficult study guide, if anything he saved your failing grade.

Renjun puts you first throughout anything; asking if you want the booth seat at restaurants, strategically walking on the outer side so you can avoid driving cars, always has your favorite snacks without you asking. Every tiny gesture, may you be slightly delusional, seemed as if he loved you. And if he did, you wouldn’t mind one bit because you wanted to love him back.

“What about you? We’ve never really talked about our love lives before.” You speak up in the silence, Rejun being awfully quiet tonight. He hopes you don’t blame him, but everything has been too overwhelming. He is no longer sure on what he wants to do or how to react.

“My love life is too sad to talk about.” He’s never wanted to talk about it with you, in case he’d slip up and say something too revealing. “It’s a long list of unrequited loves. I’ve given up on professing my feelings to someone at this point.”

“What would have to happen to get you to confess?” Your eyes coin a mischievous twinkle.

Renjun feels his palms grow sweaty, a bit nervous with this conversation topic. 

“Something catastrophic.”

Something catastrophic did end up happening. Renjun wishes he could disappear, or if he runs away, would anyone notice?

He stands behind your fuming stance. In any other given situation, Renjun would be more than flattered that you’re standing up for him. However in this case, you’re making a fool out of yourself on his behalf.

“Oh, so you haven’t told (Y/N) about the bet?” Of all the nights Renjun decides to accompany you on a Friday evening, he runs until the one person he never wanted to come within ten feet to.

Truthfully, the night was going well. He ran into a few of his other acquaintances from his club, others from his classes. You held onto his arm the moment you two entered the party, afraid to lose this precious boy in the dense crowd. People walked by and expressed how cute you two looked together.

You poured him drinks that will make his head throb and you busted dance moves that made his heart throb. You were the epitome of a fun time, like an explosion of positive endorphins. Your toothy smiles. Your bright electrified eyes. Your sweet laughter. This was the last beautiful image he had of you before everything came falling apart.

“What bet?” You quickly turn around to face Renjun. His hand scratches the back of his neck and his gaze stays staring at his own feet. Your throat grows tight from Renjun’s hesitation.

“He made a bet with me that he could get you to fall in love with him.” Please stop talking, Renjun begs in his thoughts. He tightens his fist, unable to form words to speak. The thumping of the loud music makes it hard to focus.

“He—” Shaky voice and stuttering… even you are having doubts of Renjun’s character. “He wouldn’t do that.” Your eyes bounce between him and Renjun.

“I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you don't know him very well then.” Renjun’s arrogant friend crosses his arms coolly, a smug smirk unfolding on his face.

“It’s true, (Y/N). I did make the bet and I regret it every waking day.” Renjun finally speaks up, but you’re out the door before he can continue.

There isn’t another thought in his head when he’s running after you; you’re already so far down the road. The secret was bound to be revealed, but he wasn’t ready for it. He was never going to be ready for this day because his first mistake was making the bet to begin with.

He should have thought about you. He should have just swallowed his pride and talked his friend out of it. Was that a choice? Could he have just done that instead of letting it fester into such a problem?

Out of breath and out of mind, Renjun calls out your name. When you spin on your heels to walk toward him, his heart reaches for you. However, you push at his chest and he almost falls backwards.

You’re angry, more than angry. You’re upset. You have every right to be. “What were you thinking, Renjun?” There is a small crack in your voice and he can see your tear stained cheeks under the moonlight. “Am I even your friend? All this time… you had an agenda. Were your actions all fake, then? You wanted to manipulate me into falling in love with you?”

Your words are hitting like large bricks. You are questioning the past five months of your friendship and everything Renjun has ever done for you. A false reality, Renjun didn’t actually give a damn about you. He wanted to prove some odd male status. Could you be any more blind?

“Please let me explain… I was drunk out of my mind that night and the bet I made was stupid. It was before proper evaluation. Does it make it okay? No, I understand that.” Renjun speaks with his hands, clearly panicked and frazzled by the way they waved around in the air. “The bet… I did it to protect you from that guy. I didn’t want him to hurt you.”

“So you hurt me instead?” If someone were to listen closely, they would be able to hear the shattering of two hearts tonight. On this late evening, two hearts are broken under the moon and stars.

But it’s pitiful because the arrow that struck Renjun remains intact. He still loves you, which is why it pains him so much to where he can’t breathe. The information in his head is scattered, like an alarm blaring through his empty brain.

All he knows is that he loves you. You are the one thing he’s afraid of losing. From the first words you two exchanged, his fear that he hid all too well is and always will be losing you.

“That was not my intention ever. I never wanted to hurt you.” Renjun takes a step closer, but you take one back.

“Well you did because your little bet… it worked. I love you, Renjun, so congratulations.” There is bitterness and an inexplicable amount of heartbreak that lace your venomous confession.

All of his life, he thought that if one person liked him back, he’d be the happiest person in the world. Possibly confused at how to proceed with the information, but definitely glad that someone could see any redeeming characteristics in him.

But he feels all the opposite. Your confession keeps his heart broken. If anything, it puzzles him more. “How..? Why would you ever like me?” There were no tricks, no attempts at flirtation, nothing out of bounds of being your friend. He just had himself. And if anyone in the universe were to like him, he’d never expect it would be you.

You groan, growing more infuriated at Renjun. “Because you’re everything I wish I could be. You’re level-headed and insightful. You’re calm and cool, without any necessary arrogance. The way you make me feel… I feel important to you, at least, I thought I was.” Your voice continues to drop softer and softer, “how could I not like you?”

The butterflies could not come at a better time. Hearing you compliment him when he found it difficult to look past his own self deprecation, he’s beyond any levels of shock. Nevertheless, he feels apologetic and knew that this is all too good to be true.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N), for making that terrible bet. But, I need you to know one thing: our friendship was genuine. All I’ve ever wanted these past months is to make sure your sweet smile stays resting on your beautiful face.”

“Why? You didn’t know me! You used me for some … pride gamble. I was nothing to you the day you made that bet.” You shout harsh words at him, and Renjun can’t hold back any longer.

This is what he meant by something catastrophic. When he’s pushed to the edge of a cliff, all his buttons are pressed aggressively. Everything falling apart. The loose ends coming undone all too quickly to grapple. He never wanted it to come to this.

“That-That’s not true! I loved you long before that regretful night! You mean every single moment of happiness to me. You’re every ray of sunshine that kisses my skin, every blue sky that reminds me of good days. You mean everything to me.” Genuine words pour from his lips, hoping that you’ll understand what’s left of his heart.

“You’re confessing?” You gasp, practically dazed at the amount of metaphors he compared you to. “Something catastrophic.” A small moment of recollection and a mumble under your breath, you’re understanding what he meant by the phrase he used several nights ago.

“Yes because I can't lose you. I’m a mess of feelings at the moment, but I just know that I’m scared to wake up to days without you in them.” Renjun pleads, the night air causing goosebumps to rise on his arms. His eyes are full of melancholy and fear as he waits for your response.

And you want to forgive him, but would that mean your heart is being too easy? You feel lingering pain, but your eyes reflect Renjun. “To think I thought you were pretty fearless.” Scoffing, you roll your eyes at him and are completely unsure what to do next.

Nevertheless, you’ve wanted someone like Renjun at some point in your life. You hoped for better days and those didn’t start happening until you two met. Renjun went from being your distant study partner to being your number one person to call. He’s wiped more tears than any boy has.

The difference between Renjun and Jaemin is while Jaemin is known to have an extravagantly warm presence, Renjun’s is hidden underneath all the quietness. Like a breakthrough, getting through Renjun felt like getting through to yourself. You needed him to aid in your own self love.

All you’ve ever wanted is to be seen and Renjun saw you.

“I forgive you.” Renjun can finally breathe and rest his tense muscles. But when he reaches for your hand, you take it away. “But it doesn’t mean we are okay. I’ll approach you when I’m ready.”

It’s not easy to love as it’s not easy to pretend that everything can go back to normal after being hurt. You need him to understand that, would he wait for you? The many others before didn’t.

“Okay.” That is all he can say, in the midst of a defeat, he still wishes that you’d stay by his side. But he wrestles that desire with transparency and having organic feelings. Nonetheless, he values the latter. If you did really somehow manage to love him, you’ll come back when you’re ready. He knows. He understands. He sees you through and through.

And he watches you disappear back into the house to find a friend to drive you home. He loves you, but love can also be consequential.

It’s already midway into the school semester and not that Renjun is counting or anything, but it’s been practically a whole month since the night at the party. He’s done nothing, except sigh in despair and reminisce about the memories before they were ruined.

While Jaemin’s efforts to console him are much appreciated, it doesn’t do much for the fact that you haven’t acknowledged Renjun’s existence for a whole thirty days.

And although he’ll wait a lifetime for you, the question of when he should move on ponders his clouded thoughts. His intensively agonizing desire of wanting to be by your side has dwindled down now. Renjun just wants to see you happy.

“Hey Cupid,” It’s a newly despised nickname coined by the one and only person who knows how to push at Renjun’s buttons — Lee Haechan. Haechan knocks obnoxiously at his door and does not wait around to hear an answer, “get your sad face out here.”

“Go away, Haechan. I’m not in the mood.” As Renjun mindlessly skims over his calendar for important dates, he is pained by the reminder of your upcoming birthday. You had marked it yourself a while back and specifically told Renjun that his attendance is entirely mandatory.

Times have changed now, right? You’ve been radio silent for weeks and as much as he hates to say this to himself: you probably don’t remember making such an assertion. Why would you? You’re most likely not thinking about him anymore anyways and maybe that’s for the better.

“Hey! Lovestruck Asshole, I’m not going to tell you again. Get that arrow out of your ass and come outside now.” Just the demand alone in Haechan’s voice irritates Renjun enough to where he’s storming to open his door.

But what it reveals is not the smirk of his annoying housemate, instead, it is the image of the very first time Renjun ever laid eyes on you and the moment Cupid’s Arrow struck right through his heart. It’s a rush of nostalgia that surges through his veins.

You sit with a hand underneath your chin and elbow pressing into a flat surface for support. The dazed stare of daydream as you’re unaware of your surroundings, yet still waiting for something exciting to catch your attention. And just how lovely you look in the softest rose colored shirt and how your lips, still barely glistening from a quick swipe of your tongue, are slightly agape into an expressionless rest.

All before your eyes trail to the distraction of another body entering the room and for a brief second, make eye contact with Renjun as he’s all the more astonished by your grace. Then like a scene that’s imprinted in his head too clearly, your gaze drops back down to the floor and you’re back to your inner thoughts.

As if the pierced arrow in his heart is triggered, Renjun rediscovers the feelings of a newfound infatuation — a crush. Though baseless except in regards to physical attraction, he’s nonetheless amazed by how quickly you take his breath away… again.

Unlike the first memory, you actually speak to him as you’re now familiar with the starry eyed boy. “It’s been a while.”

The color in your voice that he’s missed hearing is pure music. He clears his throat as if he’s afraid of his own vocal chords breaking from nervousness.

“H-Hey, yeah. It’s been a while.” Renjun repeats dumbfounded that you’re even sitting in his shared living room.

“How have you been?” There you are being polite, but the giddiness still runs like static through his veins at being asked about his well being.

“Lost.” He blurts out the first word that comes to mind. Perhaps, he should stop using words with such heavy implications to friendly gestures. Your head immediately pops up and he scrambles to correct himself. “I mean I’ve been distracted lately.”

“Sadness really does take its course.” You tread lightly, testing the waters with a small grin. The atmosphere is oddly comforting, like feeling you can’t quite replace.

Renjun looks rather rough around the edges, but you don’t blame him since you did show up unannounced. However, the glint in his eyes is much of a delight to see. The way his small mouth curves into the tiniest smile and the gentleness in his regular cadence remind you of past long days full of laughter. The best part of them all — you spent them together.

“My birthday is coming up soon.” Jumping straight to the point of your visit, you stand up to approach him. “I plan to host a small party… and I remember saying a while back that your attendance is mandatory.”

Renjun catches his breath in his throat and he could run gleeful laps around the room if it isn’t for the poorly spaced complex. “So are you still down, Huang Renjun?”

“I’d love that.” He smiles greatly at your offer and as simple as that, your arms wrap around his torso into a long awaited embrace.

“Me too.” You mumble into his shirt and take a deep breath of his lavender scented detergent, “I’m ready. I’m ready to have you in my life. I’m ready to laugh with you. I’m ready to lay in your company. I’m ready to give you my heart.”

As you finish your last sentence, his arms wrap around you too and pull you into a tighter hold. “You have always had mine.”

Renjun can finally remove the arrow that unforgivingly stayed stuck in his heart for the longest time. Your reciprocated love fills up the hole that is left behind. He can now love you with a full and whole heart.

[awrestlinggirlwholoves80sbands]

I love you in every language of the world, but English ( Nikki x Tommy)

A/N: All of this was born from a conversation between me and @witchy-tombstone-smile​ so a big thank you to this person to be my delirious italian partner in crime!

Summary: Nikki can speak Italian, Tommy can speak Greek but they can’t do one thing: say I love you to each other in English! ( plus Vince calling Mick a bruja)

He was a fucking idiot! What was he thinking?

He was drunk! However, that was not the problem, being drunk and alone with Tommy Lee were the issue there. Look he was Nikki Sixx, he built his reputation on being drunk or high, so he wasn’t worry about being wasted per se, neither he was worried about the dumb shit he could have done because he and Tommy were Terror Twins for a reason, not doing weird shit together would have been the issue… he’s referring to the sappy shit he does whenever his defenses are down.

Such things include randomly hugging Tommy, telling him how much of a good friend he is, yanking him off girls to do crazy shits together and his “favorite” telling Tommy sappy stuff in Italian. He has lost count of how many times he used pets name in Italian without the drummer understood it.

However, now it was much worse because they were alone and Tommy looked so fucking beautiful under the stars with his ever present smile and glossy brown eyes, he wasn’t a romantic type but the other guy changed all his prospective, he didn’t even realize he could like a guy before he knew him.

“C’mon Nikki! Tell me something in Italian, pleaseeee!” Tommy slurred, giggling.

Fuck why he was so adorable when he was an absolute walking idiot?

The bassist knew Italian because his father had Italian origins and he hoped that learning it would have meant connecting to him… yeah it was before he discovered he was an asshole.  What a fucking dumbass he was when he was younger! At least he had the opportunity to meet some amazing Italian-American folks while he was a runaway, so jokes on his dad because the chicks really dig dirty talk in another language.

Tommy loved the fact that he was bilingual, well technically so was the drummer, but he thought his Greek was quire rusty, and he constantly nudged him to say something because “you sound so cool mate! I wish I could speak my Greek that smoothly too.”

He looked the drummer into the eyes, he was always so fucking excited for everything and that only made Nikki feeling even more for him, fuck if only he had the cuts to tell him how he really felt. He wasn’t a coward simply he knew he could never be with Tommy without major consequences, however that doesn’t mean it hurt any less.

“Ti amo idiota.(I love you idiot)” The words left his mouth before he could stop them… fuck, fuck, fuck!!!

“Mh… what does that mean?” Tommy asked confused but with his silly drunk smile.

Great now he was panicking because how he was supposed to tell him that he just admitted to be in love with him?

“It means you are an idiot.” It was such a lame answer but hopefully Tommy was too naïve and drunk to care.

“Oh… then ti amo idiota, too Nikki.” Tommy giggled, but Nikki felt his stomach drop. It felt like the universe was taunting him by having his wonderful Tommy saying I love you to him without even knowing it or meaning it!

He started to feel emotional and fuck was not the alcohol supposed to help with that? It was just so fucking unfair that he was in love with the drummer but they could never be together, no holding hands or kissing or any other sappy bullshit.

Tears were forming at the corners of his eyes and he knew he had to go or otherwise he would have shown his vulnerability and he fucking hated that, he needed to drink so he stood up and quickly followed him.

“Ti amo idiota.” He repeated with a laugh and Nikki wanted to fucking die.

He needed a drink. Now!

- - -

Tommy woke up in Nikki’s room. It wasn’t unusual for the Twins to fall asleep in each other’s rooms when they were too drunk to reach their own, so usually one of them would pass out on the floor and now was Tommy’s turn.

He couldn’t help but staring the bassist who was sleeping on the bed, he was head over heels for him but he would never admit it. Sure he was all love all the time but  with Nikki it was different, he meant too much to him to potentially ruin everything by confessing his crush, so instead he was rotting into this unrequited love pain that made him jealous and angry.

Why couldn’t he be just like his parents that fell in love as soon as they met each other? No he had to suffer. They didn’t even speak the same language and they manage to get married meanwhile he knew Nikki for a while now but couldn’t have found the courage to tell him the truth. Sure he wouldn’t give up but he wasn’t sure how long he could still resist.

However, something else was on his mind too, Nikki seemed acting weird all the previous night, especially after he asked to him to say something in Italian. It’s like his eyes dimmed for a moment after he said that to him, could it be because speaking in Italian reminds him of his dad? It didn’t seem like that, there must be something else going on for sure, but what?

Tommy knew a thing or two about using another language to say stuff you don’t have the guts to say in English… It’s not like he wrote silly nicknames in Greek for Nikki whenever he had to leave a note for him about buying stuff or that he went outside. Sometimes Nikki asked what it meant and Tommy would always say an insult.

“Oh, it means you are a dumbass!”

He heard someone stirring and soon enough Nikki was staring at him with his eyes half open.

“Fuck my head hurts so bad” His raspy voice was too much for the poor Tommy who quickly decided to go grabbing some painkillers for both of them, anything to prevent having a fucking boner, but when he entered back the room he saw Nikki with his eyes closed again. He looked at his relaxed face and black hair, which did not hide his eyes like it usually would be and he could not help whispering something to him.

“σ' αγαπάω Nikki” (I love you Nikki). He learned that from his mom since she constantly told his dad how much she loved him.

However, Nikki was not asleep and Tommy’s whisper was not as quiet as he thought because he saw the black haired man turning toward him.

“What did you say?”

Panic. Tommy wasn’t usually the type that gets easily scared but right now his brain decided to shut down, leaving him unable to formulate any words. Fuck what he was supposed to say now? He wasn’t even sure if he remembered English at that moment!

“You are an idiot… it means that, ya know like you said to me yesterday.”

Nikki seemed hurt but he quickly shrugged it off and took the pills.

“Fuck you T-Bone!” He scoffed, but then he let out a laugh.

There’s no way he could have held it for much longer. He was screwed, so fucking screwed.

---

Mick was sick and tired of watching the Twins being oblivious, they were obviously in love yet they seemed to be blind. It was getting frustrating because anyone could see Tommy’s love struck expression whenever Nikki wasn’t looking or how the bassist seemed to hate anyone but Tommy.

He suspected they used their languages to say stuff the other couldn’t understand and honestly he was sick of not understanding a fuck so he started to write down what they said and search it on the dictionary. What? He was sometimes bored and this situation seemed interesting, especially if it meant that the two idiots would have been finally together and that he could use this information against them.

“What are you doing Mars?” Vince looked at the older man curious, trying to understand what he was reading.

“I’m trying to translate whatever the Twins said to each other yesterday morning.” He said nonchalantly.

“Wait you know Greek and Italian? Don’t tell me you have been learning it just so you could understand them!”

“ Well I’m sick and tired to hear them saying shit and not understanding it, now they can’t fool me and I’ll know whatever they are saying how much they love the other or plotting to make the kitchen explode! However, especially I’m so over the fact that they can’t tell each other their true feelings” Mick said firmly.

“How are you going to make them confess though?” Vince looked both scared and confused.

“Well I will tell them what the other really meant!”

“You scare me man… bruja” Vince whispered the last part.

“Hey, do not call me a fucking witch!” Mick replied threatening.

“ YOU ARE DOING THE SAME WITH ME TOO?”

“No more fucking with me in Spanish, Malibu Barbie!”

---

Mick plan was simple: smacking them with the truth and making sure they wouldn’t run away, for that he instructed Vince to block the door at any cost.

“Nikki will try to escape so you must prevent that.”

“Why me Mars? Furthermore, how am I supposed to do that?” Vince asked confused.

“Well I know that you can fight and because if you do not do that I’ll tell Nikki what you say about him in Spanish when he doesn’t hear you.” The guitarist replied with a smile.

“Oh c’mon, that’s pure evil. You are the devil!”

Right at that moment, the front door opened and Nikki stepped in, soon followed by Tommy who looked like a puppy with heart eyes only for the older man.

“What are you doing Mick?” The drummer asked curious.

“Nothing much, I was reading stuff… did you know that “Ti amo” means I love you in Italian? Does not Nikki say that a lot?” Mick shot Vince’s a glare and Nikki’s eyes got huge as he understood what was going on, but before he could get out the blond quickly went to lock the door right before he could reach it.

Nikki looked like a caged animal, terrified yet ready to fight anyone, it scared him very bad because what if Tommy got angry or decided to end their friendship? What if they kicked him out of the band or they left him like anyone else in his life? Suddenly he felt so fucking angry with Vince for blocking the door because he needed to get out and escape all this situation! He couldn’t give any explanations

 He was about to charge on Vince and knock him out of the way but Tommy’s voice cut through his train of thoughts.

“ Wait you told me that yesterday. Does this mean…” Tommy looked confused as fuck but before he could do anything Mick continued, adamant into making both boys suffer in misery.

“Also I discovered that I love you in Greek is written like this “σ' αγαπάω” He showed a piece of paper “ Which isn’t very similar to what  Tommy always writes on his notes?”

Now it was Tommy’s turn to be absolutely shocked and scared as his eyes bolted anywhere but where Nikki was. It had to be a joke, right? They were playing with his feelings because they knew he loved Nikki and all of this was a big prank… unless it wasn’t. However, that would have been too good, even for a hopeless romantic like him, he needed to know the truth.

“Nikki… “ He stopped and Mick to take as the signal that they should have left the two boys alone, so he took a very interested Vince and pulled him away.

“They are right it means I love you, I couldn’t find the courage to tell you so I said it but in a way you wouldn’t understand. I love you Nikki, so much but I didn’t want to ruin our friendship…”

Tommy never felt afraid but at that moment he knew he could have lost everything from his band to his best friend, but also he knew he had to be the first one to speak otherwise Nikki would have never done it. The bassist still looked at the ground but he took a deep breath and he started talking.

“ Fuck Tommy I’ve liked you for as long as I can remember, but I was so fucking terrified you would never want to see me again if I told you my real feelings! I couldn’t lose you or the band so I just didn’t say it. You have no idea how many fucking time I just wanted to pick you and make you mine!"

His eyes were still glued down, but he forced himself to look at Tommy, noticing his big smile and how his eyes were lit up for joy. He couldn’t help but smile back because he looked absolutely gorgeous like that, little did he know that Tommy felt the same way about him, a smiling Nikki was a beautiful Nikki.

They stayed like this for a couple of seconds until Nikki felt something inside him and before his brain could stop him, he cupped Tommy’s face and kissed him on the lips. It wasn’t sweet but neither super heated, it was just a passionate kiss, one that held all the longing and promises they would make to each other. It was a kiss of hope and courage, and a kiss between two people who are not afraid anymore.

Tommy was the first to pull away but only because he wanted to hear Nikki say something.

“Can you say it again, please?”

“ Ti amo, idiota.” Nikki said with a smile. Saying I love you felt still very scary but this was different in a way, even if it was the same meaning. He was sure one day he would be able to say it in English too.

“ I love you too, idiot!” Tommy replied hugging the bassist.

“Wow how did you know that it would have worked?” Vince whispered, as he was totally not spying his friends kissing.

“Call it six sense.” Mick replied shrugging his shoulders.

“Bruja”

“I heard you, little blonde bitch.”

[nerdierholler]

Wayhaven Frights Day 12: Creature Feature

Pairing: Henry Kingston/Nate Sewell Rating: G Words: 1040 Warnings: None

Nate finds Henry in the library doing research and Nate definitely has a weak spot for a man who likes research. Set some time in Book 2 after the supernatural training. Creature Feature

Henry stretched his arms above him, fingers laced together, then twisted his head from side to side. Various joints in his body popped and cracked with the movements. He hadn’t intended to work in the library for so long, but once he got started, it was too easy to get distracted by every new piece of information. He kept telling himself he’d take a break after reading just one more thing, then one more, and then another, and another, until hours had passed with him hunched over the table, surrounded by books.

He took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. When his vision returned to normal, there was a figure standing in the doorway. Even without his glasses, Henry could identify the tall form as Nate’s but putting them back on allowed him to see the soft smile on the vampire’s lips.

“I’m glad to see someone else who appreciates this space,” Nate said, stepping into the room. “Not many people would choose to spend their free time on research.”

Henry shrugged, “I figured it would be a good chance to get acquainted with what’s in here since last time we focused on training instead.” There was a light flutter in his stomach at the memory of Nate pressed against his back, his hand beginning to roll the edge of Henry’s shirt upward.

“I hope the training was informative,” Nate said, a pleasant deviousness flitting across his smile, “even though you didn’t have the best instructor for much of it.”

“Yes," Henry blushed, "it was very...informative.”

“Perhaps I can be of assistance now as well. Combat isn’t my greatest strength, but I’d like to think this is an area that I excel at.”

“Oh well,” Henry nervously shuffled his notes, trying to hide some of the pages beneath the books, “it’s nothing really.”

Nate eyed him curiously, “If you have questions about anything, about us, you know you can ask. You’re free to use anything you find here, but I’m happy to discuss matters-”

“Oh,” Henry cut him off with a wave of his hands, “I wasn’t looking at vampire stuff. I was just...uh...setting a challenge for myself.”

“A research challenge?” Nate quickly moved to sit across from Henry, his eyes dancing with excitement. “Now you’ve really piqued my curiosity.”

Henry swallowed, his eyes looking everywhere except for the notes and books in front of him and the vampire seated just beyond. Eventually, he let out a defeated sigh and sheepishly slid a piece of paper across the table.

Nate scanned it quickly before looking at Henry with an amused expression, “Bigfoot?”

“I know it sounds dumb, but I can explain. I started thinking, if things like vampires and demons and werewolves are real, then what about other popular creatures? I decided to start with Bigfoot because there have been so many sightings of Bigfoot-like creatures worldwide. It seemed highly probable that there would be a real supernatural explanation of some kind so I decided to see if I could figure out if there was anything that fit the descriptions and patterns, and if there wasn’t, how the popular myths surrounding Bigfoot might put different types of supernaturals at risk.” Henry’s pace nervously picked up as he continued his explanation. He was too busy fidgeting with his pen to notice the way Nate looked at him with open adoration. “Then when I thought I’d figured it out, I’d tell you what I had learned and see if I was right or if I missed something while doing my research. I assumed that in the process I’d come across a lot of general information on various supernaturals, learn how the library is organized and what kinds of resources it has, and find potential blind spots in my research methods.”

Henry paused for just a moment to catch his breath before continuing, “I also thought about cross referencing what I found with current ‘academic’ findings on Bigfoot as well as some of the more popular fringe or internet based groups to see if any were actually close to figuring out the truth, based on the assumption that my conclusions were correct, which I admit could be a problematic, and then see if any of those were on the Agency’s radar as potential problems. Although, honestly,” he frowned, “that last part seems like a pretty deep rabbit hole and while it could be an interesting experiment to see what I could find, I’m not sure I want to put in that much effort.”

Nate blinked several times before sliding the paper back across the table. “I wouldn’t let other people at the Agency hear you talk about plotting that kind of research in your spare time,” Nate chuckled. “The research department would just love to have someone like you on their staff, and I, for one, would be extremely disappointed if they snatched you up and you were no longer part of our team.”

“Really?” Henry blushed.

“Really. Research is a valuable skill that’s well regarded in the Agency.” Nate stretched a hand across the table, his fingers stopping just short of Henry’s “And, I would miss you.” Nate cleared his throat and sat up again, “It already feels like things just wouldn’t be the same without you as part of Unit Bravo.”

“That’s good to hear. I like being part of the team too.” Henry’s eyes finally looked up again to meet Nate’s. “So you don’t think this is a totally stupid idea?”

“I think it’s an excellent idea and one that’s very likely to achieve your goals. I don’t think I could have come up with a better task myself. Although,” Nate smiled warmly, “I think it takes a special kind of person to take on that kind of assignment without a greater reward than personal knowledge. Not that it isn’t a worthy reward, just one that’s too frequently underappreciated.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m more than happy to discuss your findings once you’re done.”

Henry bit his lip nervously, “It’s probably going to take a while, there’s a lot to learn about, but I’ll let you know when I’m ready.”

Nate reached out again, this time placing his hand on Henry's arm, “I look forward to learning what you discover.”

[theyreonlynoodlesmike]

The Lost Boys x Fem!Previously Abused S/O

Again, another submission cause I’m a big dumb dumb.

“I was hoping you could do an imagine or headcannons perhaps on how the boys would find out their s/o had been abused by a past ex and is cautious around them because of that?” -Anon

I hope you enjoy! Warning you now that there is some description of violence inside this story, and obvious mention of abuse

David

He would notice something was off by how much you apologized. At first, he just thought you were shy. But then, he realized you seemed almost scared of him. He was used to people being scared of him, but not his girlfriend. He didn’t want you to fear him. He wanted you to like him, to want to be with him always. You couldn’t feel that way and fear him at the same time

He’d watch you closely, and adjust his behavior accordingly. He’d see how you’d shrink whenever his tone would turn even slightly displeased, and you would immediately start apologizing. Even if his displeasure had nothing to do with you. He would tell you that you had nothing to apologize for, and wouldn’t dare raise his voice for the rest of the night

He’d start to control his tone more around you, and he noticed how you seemed a little bit too eager whenever he’d give a command. At first, he’d kind of liked how submissive you were. But, not when he realized there was definitely something else going on. Instead, he’d learned, with much difficulty, how to ask for things nicely. The boys had given him shit for a week when they actually heard him use the word ‘please’

He’d ask you one night about some of your exes, and it would only take some gentle prodding for you to reveal that your last ex had been abusive. When he heard those words and all the things he’d done to you, David had gone eerily quiet. He seemed fine on the outside, almost completely calm. But, on the inside, he was ready to tear that asshole apart. That night

He managed to get his name, and you were a little surprised when you noticed his face on a missing poster a few days later. You’d commented on it, and David had looked at it with the utmost amount of disinterest. He’d said a simple, “Got what he deserved.” and nothing more was said on the topic

Paul

He would notice it when you seemed hesitant to let him touch you. Paul would do his best to be good, to not push your boundaries, but he’s like an overly excited puppy. When you do give him attention, he wants all of it

One night, he didn’t really think. He was sucking your bottom lip between his teeth, and maybe, just maybe, he’d given it a little bit too hard of a bite. He hadn’t meant to draw blood, but it’d effectively freaked you out. Like freak, freaked you out

You had almost started crying, and Pauls eyes widened. He instantly started apologizing and quickly started cursing himself. He offered to kiss it better, and begged you not to cry. Paul wasn’t good with crying, and he’d be completely useless if you did. He tried to make you feel better with jokes and affection

When you finally calmed down, you explained why it had made you so upset. It hadn’t been him, it really hadn’t. The sudden pain had just reminded you of your ex. He furrowed his brow and asked you to elaborate, and when you did Paul felt like a complete asshole

He pressed kisses all over your face and cuddled you for the rest of the night. He was hesitant to touch you the next few nights afterwards, and you assured him that it was okay. It just took time to get used to. Paul would make sure to be extra careful, and he would assure you that he would never do anything you didn’t want him to do

He’d try to coax the name of your ex out of you, but he wouldn’t even need to find out. Your ex had bumped into you once at the boardwalk, and, from the way you froze, Paul immediately knew. Paul had glared at him the entire time, and had made it very clear that you were with him now. He secretly memorized his face so he could find him later. He was found washed up on the beach, completely torn apart

Dwayne

Dwayne had noticed something from the very beginning. The first time he met you, you couldn’t seem to stand him being quiet. If he stared at you for too long, you’d start to fidget. Because of this, he tried to keep his eyes off of you, and assured you that, “No, he wasn’t mad at you.” Every time he was quiet for longer than usual

He talked to you as much as he could to ease your anxiety, and would hold your hand. He’d give it a soft squeeze every few minutes, just to reassure you in case he wasn’t in the mood to talk. He kept his hands off you and was as respectful as possible. He didn’t try to coax it from you, and instead let you decide when you’d want to tell him.

He had already guessed when you finally did spill the beans. He wasn’t surprised, but he quickly asked if there was anything he could do to help you feel more secure and comfortable around him. You’d melted at those words, and you assured him that by being himself he was already doing wonders

He reminded you often of how much he liked you, and that he’d always be there to protect you. He was particularly protective of you when it came to other guys, and he’d never let any of them make you feel uncomfortable. He’d hold you close and stare any potential threats down

It took him awhile to get the name from you, and Dwayne hadn’t gone to find him at first. When he did, he didn’t even kill him. Instead, your ex was found beaten, bloody, and blinded. Both of his hands had been seemingly ripped off, and you had been completely shaken when you found out on the news. The police suspected a serial killer, and, when Dwayne heard the news from the tv, he’d simply asked if you could change the channel

Marko

Marko had noticed how much you hated it when he became violent. Marko was a “fight me” type of guy. It wasn’t his fault that there were so many punchable douchebags on the boardwalk. He didn’t stop picking fights until he noticed how scared you became one night.

He’d taken one look at you, and he’d realized something that would’ve stopped his heart if it still was beating. You didn’t look scared for him. You looked scared of him. The realization had caused him to get a punch directly to the face, but it barely phased him

Even as you cleaned his broken lip back at the cave, he was still mulling over the image of your scared face in his mind. He couldn’t believe it. You had actually been scared of him. You were gingerly dabbing his lip with some alcohol, doing your best to clean the wound. You pressed a small peck to his cheek when you were done, but Marko couldn’t snap out of it.

Finally, he asked you why. When you explained your past to him, Marko felt like a huge jerk. Of course you would be scared of him after what you’ve experienced! He quickly promised that he would never hit you, and that you were his baby. He’d never even consider something like that. You glumly muttered something about having heard that before, and Marko had grabbed your wrists. He held them gently, and he made you look him in the eyes as he promised again. You couldn’t help but believe him

After that, Marko didn’t get in nearly as many fights. The last one he’d gotten into was with your ex. Yes, that ex. He’d found him in one of your yearbooks in your room, and had memorized his face in case he ever saw the bastard. Unfortunately for him, he had seen him. He decked him as soon as he saw him, and nearly launched him off the boardwalk. 

He grabbed him and held him as he forced him to apologize, and you’d never seen your ex cry so hard in his life. Marko was bending his arm, nearly enough to break it, but he let him go after he was satisfied with his apology. Well, for now. He killed him a few weeks later, and hadn’t even bothered drinking from him

[slashingdisneypasta]

Edward Nygma (Pre Riddler) x Fem!Reader || Oneshot

Title: Blind Double Date

Plot: 

You and your friend Mia have decided to have a sort of blind double date thing together where you find a date for her and she finds one for you. You’ve decided to ask Ed; The harmless, cute forensics guy at work.

Warnings: FULL FLUFF

~~~

“Good morning Ed!” As you walk into the forensics lab, you quickly find your target in the corner eating his breakfast with gloves and his goggles on. An amused smile struggles to find its place on your mouth but you try to hide it- funny guy, Ed is.

But that doesn’t mean theirs anything wrong with him. You honestly have never understood why anyone would bully him- all he does is his job! And he bares riddles, too! What’s not to appreciate? You happen to like listening to his riddles and giving them a go, even if most of the time the answer evades you. It still tickles you when he tells you, and it makes him happy to get to ask them, too.

Plus, he isn’t bad to look at, and he’s very sweet.

Which is why you’ve chosen him to ask as Mia’s date tonight. Yes tonight. You’ve left it, in pure homework-style, to the last minute to find a guy and ask him. But you’re pretty sure she’s done the same thing, so you don’t feel too bad. You just hope you can butter Ed up enough that he says yes!

“Good morning Miss L/N.” Ed smiles, giving a little waive as he sets his McMuffin back down on a little plate of glad wrap on the corner bench so he can talk to you.

You’re aware of his unfortunate feelings for Kristen -unfortunate because she doesn’t share these feelings, -, which of course could prove an obstacle… but like you said! You plan to butter him up plenty before popping the question. “Any riddles today?”

He beams. “Yes, I do, in fact. Would you like to hear it?”

“’Course!”

“If you drop me, I’m sure to crack. But, smile at me and I’ll be sure to smile back. What am I?”

With only a moment of thought, you set your fists on your hips and peer up at him with a good, humoured stink eye, squaring up to the beanpole. “Ed, are you dumbing down your riddles for me? A mirror!” A tiny grin tugs at the corners on his mouth, avoiding eye contact with you.

“Figured you prefer to get them right.”

“Psh.” You roll your eyes, grin stretching into something wider. Then you cross your arms and lean forward. “I have one for you, now.”

“Oh, really?” He looks a little excited, and its adorable especially behind the goggles he’s still wearing. You resist the urge to giggle, though, and nod. “Fire away, then.”

“Okay, hold on, let me remember.” Pausing a moment, you look at the counter to remember the words. You have to get this right, to provide the perfect jumping off point for asking him out. “Okay, you see a boat filled with people, yet there isn’t a single person on the boat. How is it possible?”

Ed’s eyes shine and you know he’s heard it before; His eye sonly look like that when he’s about to give the right answer and feel smart doing it. Taking off the goggles and replacing his glasses over his eyes, he grins. “All the people are married couples.”

“Exactly, and Ed! Wouldn’t you like to be one of those people?” I’m going for it. No need to be shy- shoot your shot like a used car salesperson.

Immediately, the forensics guy looks completely flabbergasted and he stutters like he really is confused, for once. “What- what??”

Having the humility and poise to look a little moor mellow, you lean my lower back on one of the benches stretching across the wall and focus on the table in the middle of the room. You’ve seen many, many dead bodies on this table. “Well, my friend Mia and I are setting up a sort of… blind double date, I guess. She’s finding someone for me, and I’m looking for a guy for her and we’re gonna go out as a group. Safer than online dating, right? Well I was looking around the precinct for a guy, and… “ Turning to look across your shoulder and up at Ed, who looks curious but still hesitant-and ready to be more hesitant, - , you set him with a mischievous look. “Ed. Edward.”

“This doesn’t sound like a good idea… “He starts to refuse, looking away from you and back at his McMuffin, but you’re not giving up that easily. You haven’t put all your cards down on the table yet! But still, you don’t want to make him uncomfortable because you know this isn’t his thing, so you force yourself to stay in one spot and not look too desperate. Which, quite honestly, you are. The date is tonight!! You’ll end up having to take Harvey, and as sexy as he is, he isn’t your friend’s type.

“Ed, you’re perfect! Safe, for one; You’re a sweetie. And that’s not something I can for sure say about whoever Mia’s got for me- she works at the paper. And Mia loves riddles!” Well, ‘love’ might be a stretch, but she does have an appreciation for them like you. “And you’re the best-looking guy in the precinct.”

That seems to shock him, and he looks up again to blink behind his glasses. “What?”

“Well, yeah.” You shrug; Is it a secret? Dark hair, dark eyes, tall- what is not to like, here? “I mean, you’re on parr with Gordon, but that guy’s damn near married!” You grin, biting your bottom lip as you continue to look across the room rather then at Ed- but then turn and wink at him. “Besides, I like you better. Would much rather spend a night hanging with you then with Jimmy, he’s a bit of a workaholic you know?” Smiling genuinely, you give him an almost-awkward thumb up.

“Uhh… “Hesitant and full-awkward, Ed actually looks to be thinking about it now, looking away from your gaze once again. You don’t mind if he doesn’t keep eye contact- makes you feel like you’re being interrogated when the cops around here do that. Very weird. “I’m- I’m not sure. I’m not… very good… with the opposite sex… “

“You’re great with me!” You exclaim encouragingly, watching a tiny flicker of a grin pass over his lips as he looks down at the ground. “Come on, I’ll be there with you the whole time. Unless of course my date goes really well,” He looks up and you wink, grinning cheekily. Then an idea occurs to you, and you gasp. “I’ll even come over a bit early and help you prepare!”

Letting him think to himself for a couple minutes while you get out your phone and check for messages and periodically watch the door for other cops and forensics people. Finally, Ed lets out a deep breath and turns to face you again. You hold your breath, chewing on your bottom lip. “… Okay. I’ll go with you and Mia on this date. But you have to come over before.”

You let out a relieved breath. “Thank you, Ed! Sure thing. I’ll see you at yours at 6, the dates at 7. I’ll get your information outta the database- thank you so much Ed!” With a quick hug, and one last smile, you leave him back to his breakfast. “Enjoy your brecky and have a good day Ed! See ya!”

Ed just smiles a little smile, watching you leave before switching his glasses for the goggles again and goes to continue his breakfast. “I wonder… did I say yes for the right reasons?”

Through the corner of his eye, he catches his reflection grin smugly and shake his head.

He tries to ignore it.

~~~TIME SKIP: Later that day, at Ed’s apartment~~~

When Ed had answered the door in a plain t-shirt and sweat pants, you had been worried for half a second that he had changed his mind and that you had forced him to say yes to something he didn’t want to do, but then he quickly explained that he didn’t know what to wear.

Which was such an easy issue to remedy!

“There!” You exclaim when he comes out of the bathroom in the outfit you two came to an agreement on. You’re sitting on the end of his bed, munching on pretzels and smile encouragingly at your friend. “You clean up even nicer, Ed.”

“Thank you… “Grinning with pride, like a bird ruffling his feathers, Ed looks once more at his reflection and flattens out his emerald tie-his favourite colour, as you’ve come to realise. Its all over his apartment, and his wardrobe, - then he comes over to sit beside you and tie up his shoes. “Uh- Miss L/N, question? If you don’t mind.”

Swallowing 3 more little pretzels and picking out 2 more, eating like a marathon runner… if by running one meant eating. “Fire away.” Still bent over his knees tying up his laces, Ed does so.

“Why are you eating? I thought we were meeting up with the others for dinner.”

Waiting to finish the latest 2 pretzels, you cover your mouth and look embarrassed as you chew away quickly so you can reply. When you’re done, you laugh nervously and set the bag down in your lap. “Oh. Haha. I don’t want y’all to see me gorging myself when we’re out. Also, if I’m too full when I’m there to buy an actual meal, I save money on a potentially terrible date by just buying a bowl of chips or something. On the 3rd date, I might buy myself a proper meal.”

Ed sits up, setting his hands on his knees. “I don’t think anyone would mind seeing you eat properly, Miss L/N.”

“Uh… yeah, I don’t really think so either… Hah, but, I’m still a lil’ insecure you know?” Its nothing to be embarrassed about- you’re insecure! Everyone is about something. Besides, Ed’s easy to talk to. You know he wont judge you. Picking out another pretzel, you pop it in your mouth and enjoy the salty taste, offering Ed the bag in case he wants some.

“Oh, thank you.” He’s temporarily distracted from your confession by the snack, making your grin at how cute he is as he politely takes a singular pretzel. For a moment, you two just sit there and eat in companionable silence, and its nice. You look at him for a second, in his date pants and sweater, before looking around his apartment. Its pretty nice, you have to say. A little grungy looking, but in a fashionable way unlike the rest of Gotham. You can imagine the sporadic helicopter search lights that are normal in Gotham city probably look really cool flashing in through the full wall of windows. “Well I have leftover potatoes from my dinner last night that I could have now,” Ed finally wonders out loud, and when you look at him he’s ready to get up and go get them. Quickly, you put a hand on his arm to stop him, causing him to look over at you and wait for an explanation.

“Oh, Ed! No, I didn’t mean you had to as well!”

“But if it’s considered impolite to eat on a first date- “

“No! Ed, that’s just my silly thing. Mia and the other guy’ll eat like King’s. I promise you.” Encouragingly, and half apologetically, you squeeze his arm. “You need to eat a proper meal. As your friend, I won’t have it any other way.” You say the last part sternly.

“Hah. Well in that case I have to insist that you, Miss Y/N, have the same.”

Your jaw drops when Ed takes your bag of pretzels, zips it up again and gets up to put them away in the kitchen. Watching with wide eyes and a disbelieving smile on your face, you see him use his height as a weapon, get on his tip toes and put the bag away in the back of a top shelf. When he turns around, he grins evilly at you. You throw one right back at him, albeit less superior and put your fists on your hips. “Edward Nygma!”

He finds his place sitting next you again, this time a little closer and facing you, leaning on his hands that are on the bed between you so he’s sort of leaning toward you as well. For a second, you suffer a small heart fluttering stroke, but quickly push it aside and sigh in surrender, rolling your eyes. You look forward again, then turn back and smile at him.

“Do you have another riddle for me before we get going?”

Maybe you’re putting off leaving this apartment. A little.

His eyes shine, like they always do when you ask him for a riddle. “Of course, I do. What question can you never say yes to?”

“Ed!” You exclaim immediately, exasperated. “Another easy one! We’re gonna have to have a conversation about my IQ, sir. I assure you it’s larger than what you give me credit for.”

“I don’t doubt that Miss L/N.” He smiles, a bit bigger than his usual little grin. “I just like how happy you get when you can answer a riddle correctly- Don’t worry, I’ll adjust my criteria for riddles for you to make them more challenging from now on.”

How… how can he be so bluntly sweet and not even realise it?

Sighing deeply in frustration at yourself, you look away from Ed’s handsome, sweet, smart self and momentarily hate yourself. Sorry Mia. I can’t do this. “Oh Ed… I’ve made an awful mistake.”

“Oh?” He adjusts his glasses, confused. “About what?”

“Uhh… “Time to escape!! Go home!! Contemplate your total and utter hopelessness and misery on your own, Y/N! You get up from the bed and pick up your bag and your coat, backing up to the door out of Ed’s apartment. He gets up to follow you, but you hold out a hand and gesture for him to sit back down. “I just can’t go out tonight. I have, uh, cramps. So, um… I’m really sorry for ruining your night!” Bumping into the door, you whip your head around to look at it and flash a nervous smile back at Ed before turning to it. “So sorry… “What is wrong with you, Y/N?

“Miss L/N!”

Before you know it, Ed’s crossed the room and basically trapped you between him and the door. For a second, apology and nerves cross his features but then he moves on. “Miss L/N, are you okay? I, I can make you some herbal tea to help soothe- “

“No, no, Ed, its okay. I just need to sleep- “

“Y/N.” His eyes darken unbelievably for a second and the forceful way his voice bends around your name, your first name, causes you to stop talking and look properly at him again, waiting for what he has to say. As quickly as that dark, forceful look came, it gone again though and Ed drops his forward a bit as if exhausted. “Miss L/N forgive me for my vigour. Um, I just… I wanted to say… uh, before you leave, that um, uh, I… “Your heart lifts as he stutters through gibberish, and you tilt your head to side to try and see his face. “I want to admit something.”

You’re nervous about what he’s going to say. “You don’t have to… “

“I disagree. Um,” He looks up at you again finally, and you see shyness in his eyes, but determination also. “I want to admit, to you, that… my reasons for agreeing to go on this date, were uh… biased. I have little to no interest in your friend Mia, I’m sorry. I just wanted to spend more time with you.”

Eyes widening slightly, you watch Ed look down again and take his hands off the wall on either side of your head, letting them sit stiffly at his sides as he looks idly around the room as he waits for a response. Because of this, he misses the way your lips turn up in a smile. Relief washes over you, and happiness. He likes you, too!

“Uh, Ed?” You whisper, leaning back on the door now. You’re not leaving. “Look at me?”

“Yes?” He looks at you again, finding your eyes and your smile and breathing in deeply at the sight, surprised. Relieved.

After a moment, you give in to the urges that have only become stronger today then they ever were before - in fact, before today you didn’t even know they were there. But now you can safely identify all those weird smile you couldn’t help when you looked at the forensics guy, - , you pull him gently closer to you and lean up, kissing him gently on the lips.

Almost instantly, this boy presses closer so you’re on the door again between it and his, kissing you back tenderly so when you stop, there are bright beams on both your faces. Grinning, you adjust your grip on his sweater. “I think you're going to have to start calling me Y/N, now.” 

“Yeah, that would be appropriate, wouldn't it?” Then Ed’s eyes widen. “I should make you the herbal tea. Your cramps.”

Lying very transparently, you bite the inside of your cheek guilty and tell him “They’re cured.”.

“This is going to be awkward for you to explain to your friend.”

“She’ll live.”

“Do you want to watch some TV with me then?”

“I’d love to.”  

[micyclemorton]

this is a loooong one, boys

yes this is going to be a masterpost for my main 12 trolls so you can get to know them! they’re not all in the same world, but I don’t have any class/aspect clashes. biographies posted under the cut! suirev - burgundy / lumina - bronze / dietas - gold / phobis - mutant / lamiac - olive / immera - jade / ruilin - teal / tracor - cerulean / itoria - indigo / jezakk - purple / astril - violet / cirlun - fuchsia suirev - sylph of light / lumina - page of space / dietas - thief of doom phobis - mage of life / lamiac - seer of mind /  immera - bard of heart ruilin - rogue of hope / tracor - prince of blood / itoria - knight of breath jezakk - heir of time / astril - witch of rage / cirlun - maid of void 

suirev, lumina, immera, ruilin and jezakk are alternian, but only immera and ruilin are connected in terms of their lore. dietas, itoria and tracor are beforan, and all connected. suirev, lamiac, astril and cirlun hail from exonera (the first planet in the universe of my fansession) and are all connected to each other.

suirev - praying mantis lusus lumina - star-nosed mole lusus dietas - chameleon lusus phobis - serpent lusus lamiac - fennec fox lusus immera - venezualan poodle moth lusus ruilin - raccoon lusus tracor - scorpion lusus itoria - ant lusus jezakk - harp seal lusus astril - angler fish lusus cirlun - axolotl lusus

~~

YOUR NAME IS SUIREV HELIOS.

Nobody believes you, not even your MANTIS LUSUS, but you know a lot more about the fate of the world than you let on. They dismiss your PROPHECIES as bogus, no matter how many tomes you write, and you’ve lost count of how many that is. You consider yourself PRETTY ENLIGHTENED, but not in the spiritual sense… yet. The spirits that pester your caste a lot of the time even seem to avoid you, which would have confused you a time ago, but now you know why.

You’ve developed a nasty habit of checking everything you want to say in your head, and they’re sick of being your mental proofreaders. They’ve made it very clear they dislike you, so you have some HEALING to do. People find you preachy, but that confuses you a lot. You’re mostly silent so that you can concentrate on the cacophony (spirits or no spirits) ringing through your pan, as you get some REALLY GOOD STORY IDEAS from them. Besides, you were named after an OLD GOD for a reason. You should have the right to preach.

One might even say that you’re COMPLETELY RAVING MAD, but at least you try to keep your appearance in check. It’s a shame your blood colour makes your EYE BAGS so obvious.

Your handle is LiteraryLunatic, and y★u end y★ur sentences with exclamati★n marks! S★ n★b★dy notices h★w tired y★u are! Besides, y★u’ve been staying up all night with pr★phecies racing thr★ugh your pan! 

~~

YOUR NAME IS LUMINA SERVIN.

You’re a maniacally busy troll, but you wouldn’t have it any other way, because your pan is always buzzing with NEW IDEAS. You have to keep yourself busy to fend off the ENCROACHING EXISTENTIAL DREAD that fills lowbloods like you. Your mole guardian helps you expand your desert-bound hive-workshop, because you’re often too busy - catering to all of the stupid VIOLET TOURISTS AND LANDDWELLERS in the nearby hive-clusters in order to make money and survive - to pay any attention to trivial household chores. 

You’re not very good at what you do yet - though some would suggest otherwise - and you’re just striving to be better. You can recognise that you have the POTENTIAL to be GREATER, and it’s all just barely out of reach. You made yourself some KICK-ASS GOGGLES, inspired by the human subculture of STEAMPUNK, which you adore. They’re probably your best work to date, and you wear them so constantly that you’re afraid they’ll meld onto your face sometimes. The metal they’re made of, BRONZE, is the same colour as your blood, and one of the most pleasing aesthetically, in your opinion. No-one’s figured that out yet, luckily enough.

You’re an avid blacksmith, inventor, tinkerer and the rest of it. You’re making quite sure that you possess any title that involves HANDS-ON CREATION, really. Sometimes, you COMPLETELY SPACE OUT when you should be working, thinking of how best to go about things that really don’t require that much thought. It’s just how you roll.

Your handle is MechanicalMiner, and SOoMETIMES YOoU CAN COoME OoFF AS A LITTLE TOoOo LOoUD BECAUSE OoF WHAT’S PROoBABLY INDUSTRIAL DEAFNESS, EVEN AT THIS AGE.

~~

YOUR NAME IS DIETAS LAMBDA.

Misfortune has pretty much DEFINED YOUR LIFE up until now, but that’s not important. What really matters is your job, and it’s a relief to have distraction. You know that you’ve been through a WHOLE LOT OF HELL, and would never wish that on anyone else. Ever since you crashed a training ship, blacked out for a bit and met your moirail, your dear ITORIA, things changed. Your HELMSTROLL DREAMS might have shattered, but she made sure you’re not too miserable.

YOU CAN SEE EVERYTHING. Well, almost. After losing your biological eye in the crash, Itoria built you a brand-new one, and now you can see in INFRARED LIGHT as well. You’ve recovered thanks to her, and you want to repay her by TAKING AWAY THE SUFFERING OF OTHERS, doing what she did for you. You travel around selling CHARGED-UP PROSTHETICS to trolls in need, while simultaneously keeping off the trail of the OVERSEERS, a pack of Ceruleans who you’re pretty sure want to kill you and your moirail for saving people.

YOU’RE NEVER GOING BACK TO THAT PLACE. The training centres are a source of shame and hurt for you, because you abandoned your guardian to get a purpose that ended up not working at all. How dumb that was.

Your handle is PsionicProsthesis. Yx0xu speak with a flare that reminds yx0xu of the symbx0xl that was given tx0x yx0xu at the training centres, as it’s a hx0xpe yx0xu’ll never fx0xrget despite the negative memx0xries, and tx0x represent yx0xur lx0xst eye. 

~~

YOUR NAME IS PHOBIS SACCHE.

If your lusus could talk, they’d probably say you were a NERVOUS WRECK. You’re not going to tell anyone otherwise, because your shaking hands prevent you from pulling up the blinds in your constantly darkened hive. Not that you’d want to, of course, since you live in a GHOST TOWN. Populated by literal ghosts. They don’t interact with you much, which you’re extremely grateful for. If the drones thought you were alive, you’d be dead in two seconds flat, with your BRIGHT RED BLOOD on public display.

It’s MAGICAL that you’ve survived this long, but you think it’s because of the menacing SERPENT that you’re fortunate enough to have as your guardian. You like to use their scales to fortify the SCYTHES AND OTHER WEAPONRY you build for yourself. They tend to do most of the hunting, as you can’t risk going out of your hive much, but you do enjoy training. Your LIFE itself is a gamble, and it makes you paranoid as hell, but at least you’re a decent fighter. Not that anyone would know or care. You also like TELESCOPES and looking at the STARS, but have no idea that your symbol means anything to do with that.

Your handle is SerpentineStargazer, and youre a phucking,,,, phucking brasssh little,,,,, ssshit whossse dumb… dumb phorked tongue makesss you…. hisss when youre nervoussss. ~~

YOUR NAME IS LAMIAC FENRIS.

You’re small in stature, but that doesn’t undermine how HARD-WORKING AND DRIVEN you can be. After all, when you work for THE EMPRESS, things need to be perfect. You’re also RESIDENT TELEMARAUDER of SKAIANET SYSTEMS, being tasked with worming your way into people’s minds to sell DIFFERENT NEFARIOUSLY-LABELLED PRODUCTS.  You’ve never seen them made, but that’s not your job. It’s most likely for the best, anyway, seeing as how easily frightened you can be when FENFOXMOM isn’t around. Working for such an awful corporation and even more awful people - looking at you, Mr LaCroix - makes you sick to your stomach, but you need the security.

You’re a pleasant enough troll to be around, but can always change your expression and demeanour, your words cutting as sharp as the weapons you use to defend yourself. You do hate getting your claws dirty unless people really get on your nerve, in which case you’ll tear them to shreds verbally and physically. Somehow, the renovated ballroom you use as your office has been clean of client’s blood for a whole week! Something tells you you shouldn’t be excited about that, but what can you say? You’re territorial. Even though you can’t remember the last time you properly hunted, you can SEE WHAT’S GOING ON INSIDE PEOPLES’ HEADS and defend yourself. 

Your best friend at the palace is the HEIRESS, which can be a bit strange due to the remarkable caste-gap between you, but she barely seems to care about that sort of a thing, which is nice. She’s the reason you have the job at the palace, because you consider THE EMPRESS HERSELF to be a very disagreeable person, even though you can’t exactly state that out loud unless you’re gossiping with Cirlun. 

Your handle is FluctuatingFoxfire, and yo)u speak in a manner that perfec)tly c)o)nveys yo)ur need to) pro)tec)t yo)urself fro)m harsh judgement, while also) ho)no)uring the sign emblazo)ned ac)ro)ss yo)ur w)ork c)lo)thes at all times. ~~ YOUR NAME IS IMMERA METREN.  

You’ve always been down in the BROODING CAVERNS, doing what all Jades should do and tending to the Mother Grub as she churns out her little grubs for everyone to see. You’d rather not be around to see them, if you’re being honest. You think it’s all just tiresome, thankless work, and aren’t really sure why exactly YOU HAVEN’T RUN AWAY YET. The chattering of your colleagues makes your head hurt, and their happy-go-lucky demeanours just make you REALLY WANT TO SCREAM. At this point, you’d take being a lowblood fighting for their life over whatever job you have here. One occupationless troll among thousands won’t hurt the economy too much, right? You sure hope not.

The fuzzy, pathetic, colourless MOTH you have as your lusus is just waiting to be crushed in the busy environment, and she refuses to leave you alone. Most Jades’ lusii abandon them if they work in a cramped space and fulfil the DESTINY SET OUT FOR THEM, but yours won’t. It’s not like you have the HEART to tell them to leave, and they barely listen to you as it is. No one seems to, troll or otherwise, even though your ninth wriggling day has come and gone and you feel your WINGS growing in. Generally speaking, that’s more of a rare Bronzeblood thing, but you’re sure that’s why your back is itching. You suppose it’s one of the - only - perks of being grub-like. 

You just want to do one of two things: Have your colleagues SING YOUR PRAISES for your hard work, as they should acknowledge you, or ESCAPE INTO THE ALTERNIAN WILDERNESS so deeply that not even your lusus will be bothered to traverse your dangerous path. But you have to put up with the noise and the heat and the MURDEROUS INTENT blooming inside you where it shouldn’t really be in the first place.

Your handle is VindictiveVenusian, and YOUR’3 NOT <3RY TOL3RANT OF ANY HOOF33ASTSHIT YOUR COLL3AGU3S TRY TO SPOUT AROUND YOU, SO YOU TRY TO <<ARN THEM OF A POTENTIAL KISM3SITUD3 AT ANY GI<3N MOM3NT. ~~ YOUR NAME IS RUILIN CAPITA.

Some would call you a thief, but you have more dignity than that. Even though people continue to call you dirty and look down upon you for the nefarious way you act, it’s JUST WHAT YOU’VE BEEN TAUGHT by your RACCOON LUSUS. You love them more than you love getting your MONEY-GRUBBING CLAWS all over your newest riches, and that’s certainly a testament to just how highly you think of them. They’ve always been around for you, and you WISH SINCERELY that they’ll never leave, because they’re the only support you have. 

You weren’t exactly raised well, being stuck in the BROODING CAVERNS for far longer than you should’ve been while the lusii took charge of all the grubs around you. YOU’RE THE ODD-ONE-OUT. It’s filled you with WHITE-HOT RESENTMENT, and you’re on a mission to gain back what you lost. You’d once wanted to become a legislacerator or something like that, as with all the other trolls in your caste. But that doesn’t quite suit the reputation you have on the streets, nor the way you’ve been treated. Why get justice for a system you don’t believe in? Besides, you know that someone would rat you out so that you’d be culled, not be the one doing the culling.

You want to take back what was stolen from you, and you’ll get your TRUSTY GAUNTLETS dirty any number of times to do so. Mostly, though, you steal money just because you have the skills to. Being a mid-lowblood isn’t the best, so you’ve picked up tips and tricks from THE VERY THUGS YOU’D NOT WANT TO STEAL FROM YOU.

Your handle is RaucousRebellion, and ¥ou t¥p€ using th€ many $trang€ $ymbol$ ¥ou find on ¥our ¢oin$ and not€$ - that w€r€n’t €xa¢tl¥ *¥our$.* until a mom€nt ago.

~~

YOUR NAME IS TRACOR BOLDEL. 

Everyone agrees with what you have to say, and that’s exactly how you like it. That’s how it’s always been, from the moment you were chosen in the brooding caverns by your MAGNIFICENT SCORPION LUSUS. They left you long ago, because you didn’t think you needed them, and you don’t really care where they might be right now. They’ve taught you to be commanding, and now your words STING SHARPER than the knives you’re so fond of using at any opportunity you may get. It’s not necessary, really, but it makes you seem fittingly intimidating and means that NO-ONE WILL STEP OUT OF LINE. 

So you thought. Contending with idiots in the PRISMATIC TRAINING CENTRE FOR YOUNG PSIONS ((LOCATION B2)) is a much harder task than you first realised, due to the fact that there aren’t enough OVERSEERS and too many indigoblooded instructors that know that they can break your control with a little bit more effort than you can prevent. Why they couldn’t spare two ceruleans per centre is beyond you, but it hardly matters enough. You’ll kill with your knives if your empath abilities don’t work, or they don’t COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY DOMINATE THE COMPETITION YOU’RE CONVINCED IS REAL.

Even though you’re so busy sending goldbloods to their deaths, and you don’t really have time for quadrants, ITORIA APREIN IS OUT FOR YOUR BLOOD. She’s the main reason why you think there’s an uprising stirring within the centre, and the trolls who you let loose from your control at the end of the day DON’T WORSHIP YOU LIKE THEY SHOULD. You’ll fix that over time, of course, but you are just waiting for the right moment to strike. Your handle is BloodthistyBenevolence, and yovr tone of voice is aluuays nnvch gentler than anyone uuovld expect it to be.

~~

YOUR NAME IS ITORIA APREIN.

Since you rebelled against the TRAINING CENTRES, there has ben a resolute sense of MORAL IMPORTANCE instilled inside you. You don’t think there’s anything else you can do to fulfil your need to help people than providing refuge for the goldbloods entranced by the idealistic, worrisome occupation of helmstroll. It doesn’t bore you if there are a few trolls that come and knock on your door every so often, because ANTMOM has always been around to support you, and she’s even harder a worker tham you. You’ve always wanted to redeem yourself, and realised that preventing the CERULEAN OVERSEERS from culling any more innocent lowbloods is the way to go. There’s nothing more that feels properly fulfilling than DEFENDING OTHERS WITH EVERYTHING YOU’VE GOT.

BREAKING YOUR APATHETIC SHELL has been a hard task and still is, but you’re working as hard as you can to prevent shutting away from the world. Emotional expression has always seemed like something forbidden, especially to INDIGOBLOODS like you. YOU DON’T LIKE FEELING VULNERABLE, but there’s nothing much you can do about it unless everyone just leaves you alone and without any chance to heal. DIETAS makes you feel better about expressing yourself, and you’ve developed pale affections for the little goldblood ever since you found them SCARED AND HALF-DEAD IN THE FOLIAGE. It frightened you, but now not much can. You’re a strong team, and you know they’ll be a backup when things go awry with your DEARLY DETESTED KISMESIS, TRACOR.

You use your knack and love of WIRING AND CIRCUITRY to keep everything safe, creating cameras to track the trolls in your care. You also enjoy SHOOTING DOWN SURVEILLANCE DRONES, because you’ll never truly be FREE of the Overseers and your haunting past if you don’t do something to prevent their poor, uncoordinated attempts at monitoring you. You’re glad for that bit of your unfortunate occupation, at least.

Your handle is EsotericEngineer, and yOu c△n’t seem tO seper△te yOurself frOm △ symbOl Of the life yOu left behind.

~~

YOUR NAME IS JEZAKK IMETAT.

YOUR TIME IS RUNNING OUT. There’s not much you can do about it, though, because your circus troupe’s on the rise, and the RINGMASTER is starting to get some very bad ideas of what they might do to get you to actually comply for once. There’s nothing you can say that’ll make the people around you actually stop and listen. You feel small, so you try to wear BRIGHT, FLASHY COLOURS and STRIPY TIGHTS to mimic the figures so prominent in the jack-in-the-boxes you’ve always been fond of making and tinkering around with. You have no idea when that particular fascination set in, but it keeps you distracted from worse things that might happen to you. Despite the fact that you’re a highblood, you’re younger than the other performers in the troupe and feel more vulnerable than you should be.

You’re not really meant to be in the troupe, anyway. There was a time where you assume some SEADWELLERS were hunting for food or the fun of it - none of which they need to do, you’re guessing, because of how rich they are -  and that was when you’d realised there was a harpoon broken off in SEALDAD’S side. So you saw the distant big top and ran to it, hoping that someone could help your lusus. He *was* healed, which you’re grateful beyond gratefulness for, but then… you don’t really remember. Blaring carnival lights, yellow-tinged and blinding, and then… EVERYTHING CHANGED. You never quite made it back to the sea, because the other purples started to teach you their ways, and you have an eerie feeling that they were trying to lure you into working for the ringmaster, who most of them (except for your ‘friend’ Othamo, who’s pretty fearless in a callous way) worship like a god.

Then you did, but you’re working for yourself most of the time. Wilfully disobedient. You just want to get out of the troupe, and you’ll do anything you can, but it’s been a few sweeps already. Performing with Sealdad makes you happy, and your contraptions do. So maybe it’s not so bad to stay for a little while longer. The time will come when you can make a break for it, you’re sure, just as long as you can secure an escape plan that means your lusus won’t be out of the water for too long at once.

Your handle is ClockworkCarnevale. _/[[ yOU’rE EAsIly scArEd, yOUr vOIcE gEttIng ErrAtIcAlly lOUdEr At wEIrd tImEs. bUt yOU bEt thE jAcks In yOUr bOxEs ArE fInE, sO yOU EnclOsE yOUr tExt In OnE tOO, tryIng nOt tO pAnIc. ]] ~~ YOUR NAME IS ASTRIL HURICA.

Though you suppose you go by ASTRIL ZEPHYR now. Nothing’s really worked out for you in your life, but the dastardly clairvoyant you’ve seen loitering around your ADOPTIVE DAUGHTER swears that EVERYTHING’S YOUR FAULT. She’s all wrong, of course, and you have the authority to - and half a mind to - completely banish her from the palace if she says one more thing to damage your opinion of her, which was always bad in the first place. You’re now the ‘mother’ of Cirlun, a disobedient and woefully immature fuchsiablood who was entrusted to you by virtue of your position as head of the VENERATED COUNCIL OF VIOLETS. It was disbanded many a sweep ago, with the heiress’ arrival on your sad little planet. THE COUNCIL was a committee of seadwellers with the purest blood, closest to that of a natural Aquarian, who banded together to keep the citizens of DUIIARIA (Now colloquially ‘Earth X’) from descending into anarchy. 

You don’t have the best relationship sense, being that you CULLED YOUR MOTHER at the tender age of six sweeps. You could argue that you were only small, and naive, but you were seething with unbridled resentment and RAGE, even knowing that anglerfish don’t talk and thus don’t communicate well. You’ve kept that QUIETLY MURDEROUS DISPOSITION ever since the deed was carried out, and never intend to drop it. Tyranny is the only way you know how to keep your citizens in check, and you don’t intend to learn any other way. It’s ruthlessly effective, and that’s the only standard you’ll accept. It’s probably one of the reason’s why everyone thinks you’re WICKED AND UNCOMPROMISING, even your own daughter. You’d like nothing more than to leave Cirlun to her own devices and show her just how foolish she is to want pacifism.

But now, you wait eagerly in the shadows until she reaches the appropriate age to ascend to the throne. Then you’ll truly teach her what it’s like to fight for her life, even though you never really had to in your own right. You’ve spent a long, long time trying to prepare Duiiaria for survival when up against MILITARY AND INTERGALACTIC OPPOSITION, as you want to conquer as much as you can. You’re not about to relinquish your autocratic mindset for a brat like her, even though she has the right by blood. It won’t matter so much any more if you spill it first.

Your handle is GalacticGalvaniser, and you speak As Cr1sply And D1rec7ly As You Expect Your Orders 7o Carry 7hrough 7o Your L177le C171zens. 7OUR 7EMPERAMENT CHANGES S11GH717 WHEN YOU’RE ANGR7, 7HOUGH.

~~ YOUR NAME IS CIRLUN ZEPHYR.

You’re the heiress to an empire that you want none of. You were adopted by a troll (despite having a rather pathetic and sickly lusus) after emerging from the CHOKING DARKNESS, and she won’t give you the time of day (unless it’s to mock you for your poor fighting times) so you’ve realised there’s no point in asking how. That’s the only thing you’re glad for, you suppose. The fact that she stays out of your hair is certainly good, because you’re not good in social situations or with diplomacy at all, and you have plenty of time to escape up to the palace’s extensive library. The library is the only time you get any relief from any pressure being an heiress brings.

Reading, of course, is your main form of escapism since it’s so easy to access. Nobody much minds that you while away your time in the library, save for when ASTRIL sends guards to pull you away from your latest fascination to train. Training, that is, for your imminent death at the Empress’ own hand - or trident, as it were. You don’t really know why she does train you directly, since you think that’s something you need to do for yourself, but you guess she *is* PRETTY DAMN BLOODTHIRSTY. The fact that you put up a fight makes everything that much more enjoyable, and you’d say you’re a MORE THAN SERVICEABLE fighter. So much so that you swear you’d be at the forefront of your mother’s GALACTIC ARMY had she not decided she wanted to cull you from the moment she first laid eyes on you. 

You’re pretty sheltered, being the only fuchsiablood in your timeline, but you do have a moirail (who you’re pretty sure your mother wouldn’t like at all by virtue of his being a MUTANT) that you sneak out and see under the guise of MYSTER WAEVEL, just another violetblood. Technology has made it easier for you to hide your own blood, and you’re hoping that Etoile could one day mask his as well. Inside the palace walls, LAMIAC FENRIS is your best and only friend, and you often sit with each other and talk when she’s not working. The stories she tells are mainly client complaints, but you’re lucky that the gory recounts she tells with such zeal don’t turn your stomach much. The bloodstains on her office walls don’t help. 

A lot about you is a total mystery, but that’s just the way you like it. 

Your handle is AlchemicAxolotl, named for your love of the lusus you’re NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE. ))((oping you )(onour your biggest rolemodel - w)(o's long gone, only around in t)(e b∞ks you pour over - you've since added a little flair to your typing, and t)(ink it l∞ks a lot more personal. ~

[bird-in-a-cage]

#42 from the prompt list... I mean I'm sorry but... I NEED TO SEE THAT.

Wow, am I sorry this took so long! This was a tough prompt but, thanks to @cockasinthebird for being a wonderful human being, we got through it. So I hope this was worth the wait!

Prompt list is here if anyone wants to throw a prompt at me!

#42: “I didn’t say “sex party” as in orgy.  I said “hex party” as in witches.”

So far, college had been okay. It was as hard and challenging as Steve had expected, but he was getting on almost well. He had to spend a lot of time studying in the library, reading and re-reading source materials, typing, editing, deleting and starting all over again with essays and assignments sure. But it was different from high school, on a deep level he wanted to be here, amongst the old stone buildings that either held no heat at all or far too much depending on the weather outside, surrounded by people who also shared a passion for learning. It was different to focus on what he wanted to learn instead of just having to cram a little bit of everything into his brain everyday.

Turns out, if he was just allowed to go a little slower and take his time, he wasn’t as dumb as everyone back home at thought.

He’d gotten into college by the skin of his teeth, pulling far too many all nighters and living off five hour energy to drag his grades up when it was almost too late, pulling in every favour he had to retake anything below a C with nothing but a prayer and a pleading smile, somehow managing to not go completely insane in the process. Getting a 3 point grade average at graduation had been nothing short of a miracle. He wanted to say his parents had nothing to do with his acceptance into quite a nice school, but in reality Steve knew they probably greased a palm or two. Maybe helped pay for the new set of band uniforms that were recently unveiled.

The college itself was beautiful. Steve had fallen for it on his first visit. Old stone buildings, a large green campus area, a good surrounding community, regular activities and groups to go meet up with and try different things with now he was getting out of small town Hawkins and away from being stuck in what he knew. 

There was something a bit…odd about the college though. Steve would be sat in the library, for example, finishing up a comparison piece when he would hear the telltale low battery beep from his headphones. He always forgot to bring a charger. He knew it was on his nightstand back in the dorm room, wrapped around the drawer handle so he wouldn’t forget to lift it this time, so it was pointless checking his bag for it. He would go to pack his things away, open up his slouchy backpack and there it would be, his exact one because he’d wrapped a piece of green tape around it when his roommate kept stealing it and swearing blind he hadn’t, laying curled around his water bottle..

That wasn’t the only example though. Things would just appear when he was looking for them. Books he needed from a completely different section would just happen to be on the shelf he was currently looking at. If a flavour of soda was sold out at a vending machine, he would pick another, but the one he originally wanted would tumble out, ice cold and somehow impossibly refreshing. None of them were a major inconvenience by far, but it was just odd. 

The only small downside to the college of his dreams is that he forgot to investigate anything about the fraternities and sororities. Steve didn’t really have any desire to be in any frat even if offered, they were just houses for boys to pretend not to be at least a little bicurious as they bumped into each other all sweaty playing sports, using basketball as an excuse to touch each other’s muscles. Flat out no homo-ing each other. Steve was out and proud at college, didn’t need an excuse anymore other than “you’re hot, you wanna?”. The days of bi-panic and needing a thinly veiled excuse such as helping someone he thought was cute off the ground in the middle of a match were long gone.  Steve had been to a couple of frat parties, naturally, everyone did. They were kinda fun if you hung around outside away from the thick, choking air of sexual tension that was threatening to bubble over at any minute.

Everyone knew frat houses were just potential orgy dens, right?

There was one frat house though, just off campus and to the right a little, that gave off a weird vibe. The Omega House. It didn’t look that special, had dark grey panelling on the outside, windows trimmed in white, the omega symbol on the outer wall above the door painted in silver that reflected the sunlight and looked almost like real silver. Like the college itself, it was just odd. As far as Steve could tell it didn’t have many members, only four, as far as he’d counted, would walk around in blazing orange letterman jackets with that emblem stitched into the back and a smaller one on the front right breast. He didn’t know what majors they took, probably all on sports scholarships with how stacked a couple of them looked, and one liked to hang around the library. Always in sunglasses even indoors, tight jeans to combat the slightly too big jacket. Blonde hair shaved at the sides but longer on top, not wildly long but just enough for natural loose curls to develop.

Not that Steve had been looking at how handsome he was at all.

Thinking about it, he seemed to always be around when the odd things happened. When there would suddenly be a spare chair even though all the tables were packed with other students trying to do their work, a fresh stack of post it notes in Steve’s bag when he needed to write an annotation down quickly, a newly sharpened pencil just happening to be on the floor by his feet when he’d lost his before class. The rain suddenly starting as soon as Steve got into a building when he’d forgotten an umbrella like it was waiting for him to be safe and dry.

There was just something weird about the whole thing. Not enough for him to freak out and want to go home though, no way. He could deal with weird and slightly odd far better than being stuck in a town going nowhere, where his only future was getting a job in his father’s company and a wife he didn’t love, cranking out a couple kids after a year of so and slowly but surely morphing into a mirror image of the man he lowkey despised.

Even the thought of that was horrifying. It was bad enough that genetically they might look similar one day. Hopefully many, many years in the future. When plastic surgery was cheap.

The library was quiet when Steve entered. Of course it was, it was a Friday night. There were a number of parties and gatherings happening all over the place, but this week he’d promised himself to be good. Study now and party later. He’d been invited to a glow paint, totally-not-a-rave party happening just outside of town that he was pretty excited for. He’d been focusing hard on his studies so it was time to let off some steam. And maybe that steam had been building for quite some time cause ol’ Lefty wasn’t doing the trick anymore, mashing his face into a pillow in the dead of night, furiously jacking off under a blanket and praying his roommate didn’t wake up or come back soon. And, maybe sometimes, Steve thought about that cute blonde in the Omega House jacket and how good it would be to see those thick lips all slick and swollen wrapped around his cock. Really those thoughts were just between him and God, who he hoped wasn’t paying attention most of the time he was alone in his room.

Steve found the spot he liked, towards the back facing towards the window where he couldn’t be distracted by people walking in, and pulled his laptop and the well annotated copy of Dracula he was working from. His half finished essay sat on the screen, cursor blinking at him accusingly, demandingly even. He sighed at it and opened up to the page he was last working from when the chair next to him was pulled out. Not even one or two over, obeying the unspoken rule of the Personal Study Bubble. No, the very next chair. Steve could see orange reflected on his screen. He frowned slightly and turned to just give a passing glance, hoping for a the fuck? expression, when he saw staggeringly blue eyes staring back, nestled into tan freckled skin, natural curls just reaching down into the field of view. The regular sunglasses had been tucked up into the neck of a black tee. The back of Steve’s neck felt instantly hot as he looked away, hoping for a moment he hadn’t been seen, but that was impossible. He was right there.

“Hey, haven’t seen you around before. Must be in the same class though.” His voice was deep and Steve felt his legs turn a little bit to jello. He chanced another glance and saw the guy was holding a copy of Dracula too. Steve wasn’t sure he’d been holding it before… 

“Well, I attend almost every lecture…”

“You must do if you’re in here by yourself on a Friday,” the guy smiled. It didn’t look cruel, neither did it sound like he was making fun. This was already confusing, and Steve wasn’t the greatest with people at the best of times, let alone he around guys he thought were kind of stupidly handsome from afar, and apparently just stunning close up.

Steve just nodded and shifted in his seat slightly since this guy clearly wasn’t going to go away any time soon. He didn’t have anything on the table in front of him, didn’t even look like he had a backpack for the potential of anything. The odd feeling was definitely strong and getting stronger. “Can I… can I help you with something?”

“That depends,” the book was quickly tossed aside and the guy nudged closer with his chair, Steve could smell his cologne. It didn’t smell like anything he’d tried before. It was floral but dark and spicy, but also fruity too. Slightly burnt lemon and vanilla loaf? His hand wrapped easily around Steve’s freer one. His skin was warm, a little rough maybe from weightlifting which he clearly did, applying a comforting amount of pressure. Steve couldn’t help the skin on his arm breaking out in goose pimples. He glanced at their hands together and his throat felt impossibly tight. “I’m Billy by the way.”

“Steve...”

“Great. So, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but things can be a little, strange around here-”

Steve glanced at their hands again, felt that blue steel bore into his eyes and further back. “Oh they’re strange alright…”

“You ever wondered why?” This guy, Billy, grinned something devilish and let Steve’s hand go only to put it on his knee, squeezing firm but not unpleasant. Steve was sure he was starting to sweat under the attention of all this. Yeah he had fooled around with a couple guys drunk at parties, stumbled into a dorm room or two he didn’t recognise to have some fun and wake up with carpet burns over his back and his knees, but this felt very direct. Especially when Billy’s hand started slowly drifting higher. Steve couldn’t even say he didn’t want it, he’d been staring at this guy from a distance for months now, but to have him suddenly be right in front and touching with obvious intent. It was something else.

“Uh, n-not really. Sometimes maybe?”

Billy’s eyes turned from cool to blazingly erotic in an instant, for just a moment, then back to cool again. He nudged even closer into Steve’s bubble, who was more helpless than a fish on dry land at this moment. 

“Would you like to know why?” The way Billy’s tongue licked over the L was something filthy. If Steve had been set jello before he was now quickly melting into a sweet pool of tangy cherry. “My friends and I can show you.”

Steve felt like he was drowning. This wasn’t happening, it couldn’t be happening. But still BIlly’s firm hand crept ever higher until he was practically cupping Steve through his jeans, inching closer until their lips were connected in the middle of the library. Steve’s eyes fluttered closed. He was already boiling alive in his skin from all the attention and Billy’s lips weren’t helping. They were as plush as Steve had imagined. Maybe not in the right area just yet but with the way Billy was pushing his palm directly against Steve’s slowly awakening dick they just might be soon.

He was half hard when Billy pulled away, flushed bright red like he’d been sunburnt.

“Come by the house tomorrow night, you’ll see. We promise you’ll enjoy it.” 

With that, Billy winked, slipped his sunglasses back on and left. Steve blinked at nothing for a long time, trying to piece together what the hell had just happened to him.

Did… did he just get invited to an orgy?

He packed up quickly and went back to his dorm, there was no way any studying was going to happen now. It didn’t happen throughout all of Saturday either. Just the memory of the whole short incident rolling around and around in Steve’s mind, of Billy’s words dripping from those lips and the feel of his hand pressing just right.

He’d definitely gotten invited to an orgy.

He lay on his bed for a while just thinking, tapping his forefingers together as something for them to do. Steve was kind of flattered really, he knew he was nice looking, but there were far better looking guys on campus, and from the stories he’d heard they’d probably be up for it no questions asked. It also popped into his head that the guys he’d seen wearing the orange Omega jackets were a lot more jacked than he was, and Steve had seen enough porn to know what that probably meant. A part of him knew this was utterly insane. Shit like this didn’t happen without a bored camera crew and fourteen different close up angles.

But then maybe it did happen. He was from a small town after all. He was pretty sure his neighbours three doors down were swingers from all the cars that would suddenly appear once a month for just a night. Least that was the rumor that he may or may not have pushed a couple times. And, afterall, wasn’t this what college was about? Being out there and experimenting with crazy shit you wouldn’t do in the real world. He’d taken ecstasy in his first few weeks at a warehouse party, he had no desire to do that back home.

So, maybe he was warming up to the idea of being a bottom at an orgy party being held in the weird grey frat house. Who was anyone to judge? Steve just wasn’t going to tell anyone about it, that’s all.

He felt nervous standing on the front steps of the Omega House. All the blinds were drawn inside. He didn’t know what to bring, what was customary? It didn’t feel right to bring, like, snacks, so he’d just brought himself, already flushing and trying not to get hard by just the thought of Billy getting his hands on him again, how good he must look naked and sweating, finding out what those lips could really do.

The man himself answered the door after two sharp knocks. The grin he wore was sinful, eyes wild and excited, grip firm as he pulled Steve easily inside the dark room. Steve wasn’t sure what to expect, but low mood lighting, a coffee table in the middle of three couches covered in books and blank papers, and every other surface holding up thick lit candles dripping with wax wasn’t it. It also appeared to be just the two of them.

It wasn’t entirely what he had signed up for. But Steve wasn’t exactly complaining.

“Man, am I happy you actually came,” Billy started, pulling his letterman off and hanging it over the banister like a coat hook. His black tee had the sleeves ripped off, his arms were nothing short of statue worthy. He ruffled his hair a little, the curls bobbing just so. They looked delightfully soft. “The rest of the guys are at some sorority bullshit, but they’ll be here later.”

“Uh, o-okay, cool.” Steve tried to sound confident as he went to go take a seat on one of the couches. Billy sat next to him, up close and personal again and it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. He was radiating body heat which Steve wanted to eat up greedily. He noticed some of the books on the table. A copy of Frankenstein, a very old looking copy of Dracula, maybe second edition, a copy of Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, and copies of both Malleus Maleficarum and A Guide to Modern Witchcraft. Those titles mixed with all the candles and the mood lighting and Billy’s staring and frankly demonic grin led Steve down the path that seemed the most obvious to him.

This was a sex cult house. And it was about to get all Rosemary’s Baby up in here.

Billy’s hand was back on his thigh again, heavy and pressing, taking Steve out of his deep barrel of thoughts. The grin was back on his tanned features. “You look nervous.” He gave Steve’s thigh a squeeze. Even though he had no idea what was going on it still made his cock jump alert in his jeans.

“Well, I’ve never exactly been to… one of these before…”

Billy’s eyebrows furrowed together a little, he still wore a smile though. It suited his face. “One of what?”

“You know...?” Steve rolled his hands as his face turned ever redder. He was sure it could almost be seen from space. He wasn’t a prude by any means, but growing up in quite a strict household meant he just struggled saying some things out loud. So he whispered it instead. “...an orgy?”

Billy stared at him for a moment before breaking into laughter that wasn’t at all humiliating. He must have sensed Steve’s rapidly growing discomfort and indignity because the laughter quickly died and turned more into gentle questioning. “Did you think that was what this was gonna be?”

“Well I don’t know what else this would be!” Steve spat out in frustration. He hated not knowing the whole story and here he felt he barely even knew the first line of the novel. Billy smiled warm like a summer day and cupped his cheek. He felt instantly calmed, being swallowed up by those cool blues like a gentle river on an August afternoon.  “I said I’d explain about all the odd things that happen around campus. They’re from us in this house. We’re kind of, different.”

“Different how?”

Billy took his hand back and snapped his fingers loud and piercing. All the candles extinguished themselves at once. Not a breeze to be felt. It wasn’t scary, or spooky, but it was pretty cool. “Different different. You’re the only person who’s seemed to notice. And, by house law, that means you get initiated. You get to know that we’re all witches.”

The word hung in the air and seemed ridiculous. But, at the same time, it didn’t. It did certainly explain how chargers and post its and pencils would suddenly just appear whenever Steve needed them. He still wasn’t completely convinced though.

“Witches?” He repeated back carefully, just in case he’d heard that wrong too. Billy nodded and clapped his hands. Every candle reignited themselves, flickering back to life one by one in a circle around the room. A bottle of whiskey and cans of coke appeared on the table where there had been just papers before. The books remained. There was a proud look on his face. Short of being drugged at the door and this all being a crazy fever dream, this was definitely real. Steve didn’t really have any reason to not believe his eyes and what was happening around him. Billy didn’t look like David Copperfield that was for sure. “So, not an orgy?”

“No. Not an orgy.” Billy chuckled and repeated back. He must have seen Steve’s face go from confused to understanding to a little disappointed all within the space of a few seconds because his hand was high on Steve’s thigh again. Maybe the guy just didn’t understand personal space? That seemed growingly likely. “I don’t think I’d wanna share you anyway.”

Steve felt the flush on his face again, but he grinned through it this time. Weird, spooky, otherworldly shit could be saved for later if there was even a chance of getting what he’d been thinking alone in his bed. “But you’d wanna maybe...?”

He let the question stay floating between them as Billy smirked lewd and pressed himself up against Steve’s body. “Bet you’d love to find out what I can do with my fingers pretty boy…”

Oh, Steve really would.

[floralseokjin]

— crystallised 05 (m)

crystallised /ˈkrɪst(ə)lʌɪz/ (verb) make or become definite and clear

Six weeks, that’s all it takes to forget about the threesome you shared with your boyfriend, Yoongi, and your past...fuck buddy, Seokjin. After all, it’s no big deal. Yoongi and you are doing better than ever, there’s no reason to regret such a night shared. That is until you hear some gossip in the library one day, and then slowly, little by little, everything starts to fall apart... Can you begin to make sense out of all this confusion, or is it too late?

pairing; kim seokjin x reader genre/warnings; fluff, oc and seokjin are finally facing their fears, a fair lot of talking, lots of kissing, yoongi’s in this chapter 🤧 words; 16,777

sequel to; memoirs of a mistake and lostmyhead

chapters; 01 ⤑ 02 ⤑ 03 ⤑ 04 ⤑ 05 ⤑ 06 ⤑ 07⤑ 08 ✓

Falling asleep last night proved difficult. Incredibly difficult when you were still buzzed from Seokjin’s kisses and your mind wouldn’t shut off. It was probably gone 3am when you finally dozed off, and even then you were sure you were still partly awake. Half dreaming of the party and the feeling of Seokjin’s lips. The sound of his laugh and how happy he had seemed when you had finally embraced. He sounded just as happy as you and that just made you even more excited. Even more nervous potentially…

Seokjin messaged you around 8am. Early for him and it was enough to finally jolt you out of your half asleep-half awake slumber. He wished you good morning and asked if you still wanted to talk. Duh. In all honesty, you’d been ready 8 hours ago, when your mouths had been connected and you heart was beating out of your chest. It was the cops who interrupted you. Brian’s party shut down because of meddling well-to-do neighbours. You’d left with Lina, a wave in Seokjin’s direction and she hadn’t questioned you once, despite the dazed look on your face. Maybe she didn’t think you had the balls to make a move like she’d wanted you to. In fairness, you hadn’t thought you had the balls either. 

Perhaps right now was cementing that. It was half 9 and you were waiting for him to turn up at your door. He had work in an hour or so but you both agreed you couldn’t wait until the afternoon. Not that you actually knew what you were going to say when you saw him. Last night had seemed easier, like you were both on the same page, but now you had to use actual words and you were lowkey freaking out. You hadn’t even let Lina know in the end, wanting a few hours or so for you and Seokjin to work things out. You were regretting that now. Talking to yourself wasn’t much of a help. Just got you more anxious. Not even recalling the familiar sensation of his lips could ease you. You were half convincing yourself he was about to rock up at your door telling you it was all a mistake and he never wanted to see you again. 

That wasn’t the case. His face just about lit up when you opened the door to him and that was enough to begin dispelling your worries. He was dressed in black sweatpants and a grey t-shirt. He looked perfect, and that cute smile you’d grown to adore was on his face as he greeted you. Voice soft. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Yours matched, but maybe a little shakier. It was funny, these past couple of months you’d quickly gotten used to one another again, and now today, it seemed like you were back to that uncertainty. In a good way though. This time the doubt was for something more serious than friendship. “Come in,” you gestured at him, moving to the side to let him walk past. You clicked the door closed and now it felt real. 

“You okay?” He asked, smile still there. Maybe it was a nervous thing. 

You nodded. Same dumb smile on your face. “You?” 

He chuckled then. “Not gonna lie. Kinda nervous.” A small shrug. “Scared.” 

That eased you more. Even more so again when you saw him take a seat on your couch. He’d been there many times before. This morning was no different. “Same.” If it wasn’t obvious. 

You watched him wrestle with his front jean pocket, pulling out his cell phone finally and holding it up as he laughed a little unsure again. “And this damn app hates me. Told me to be cautious. Doesn’t help.” 

Cute. He’d kept the astrology app installed. You hadn’t been expecting that. You smiled, taking the space next to him. Again, like you’d been in many times before. “Mine told me to follow my heart.” 

Seokjin nodded to himself, seemingly deciding what to say next. “We can do both,” he finally settled. “Follow our hearts cautiously.” Like he couldn’t help it he reached for your hand. Clasping it in the warmth of his. 

You smiled, looking up at him. “That sounds like a good idea.” Your gazes lingered, before yours stopped at his mouth, and god, you really wanted to kiss him. You were getting withdrawals, but it seemed inappropriate. You hadn’t even said anything of value yet. Cue more delaying. “Want a drink or anything? I have snacks.” 

He shook his head a little. “Nah, I’m good.” 

You weren’t really listening, attempting to stand up before the words had even left his mouth. “Sure? I don’t mind–”

He gripped your hand tighter, stopping you in your tracks. “I’m fine. Honest.” He added with a grin. “Let’s talk.” He shook your hand encouragingly. You swallowed tightly but sat back down. The mood seemed more serious. Nothing wrong with it. You’d been serious with Seokjin a few times these past couple of months. However, it hadn’t been concerning you both. Like together… The nervousness suddenly outweighed the excitement. 

“So. You don’t regret last night?” Seokjin began. His voice sounded strange. A little formal. Like he was talking to his manager or professor. Or maybe it wasn’t even that. Maybe he just had his guard up. “I think that’s the most important question to ask before I start confessing shit.” 

Confessing shit? At that your heart began to beat a little faster. Felt warmer. You recalled last night. The way he’d kissed you. The way he’d held you. “No.” You replied firmly. “Of course not.” Then a little more hesitant, and maybe for no good reason.  “Do you?” 

He scoffed. Talking freely. “No way. I’ve literally been dreaming about that happening. I mean,” he paused, eyes widening, “not at a party. Please don’t get the wrong idea on why I invited you…” 

“I don’t,” you giggled. 

He smiled at that, appeased. “Honestly, I was just waiting for the perfect moment. I wanted to talk to you like this before anything could potentially happen but shit,” –a scoff of disbelief– “there was something in the air last night. I couldn’t control myself, especially when you just…” He trailed off, the silence doing the right amount of talking, and you agreed. Last night was suffocating with how much you wanted him.

“I think that moment was beyond perfect,” he concluded, a soft smile on his face that matched his tone. It was a tone you didn’t get to hear much. It was beautiful. “…and–and now I want to say what’s been on my mind for weeks…months…” Pausing he glanced away, pulling a face. “Sorry. I’m speaking too much. Do you want to go first?” 

You shook you head, wanting to reassure him. You were at the edge of your seat, wanting to know what exactly had been on his mind all this time… and in all honesty, you didn’t think you could piece together a coherent sentence when it came to your feelings anyway. Your head was spinning. “I’m…I’m kinda overwhelmed,” you admitted, a weak laugh escaping from your mouth. “Can you just carry on? I really wanna hear what you have to say.” 

“Okay,” he nodded, swallowing as he tried to think of where or how to start. The pressure was on him now and you could tell he was feeling a little uneasy. “Um…,” he cleared his throat, sounding apologetic. “Sorry, just really scared.” 

“It’s fine. Take your time.” You soothed, realising somewhere along the way you’d stopped holding hands as you gripped his this time. He latched on, entwining them and brought it to his lap. With his other hand he began to play with your fingers and it seemed to relax him.

“Okay, so… Just want to make it clear, last night wasn’t just nothing to me. I mean, you’ve probably already guessed but,” he laughed awkwardly, glancing at you, determined to make eye contact from now on. “Just wanted to make sure.”

You smiled. Not really needing the clarification now that he was sat in your apartment, but liking it anyway. “I know that. Not like before, right?” 

“No,” he agreed. “I want–I want… You.” Your heart skipped a beat. Those three little words possibly beginning to thaw away at something in your mind. Clarity was coming, but your head was still whirring. He continued, voice heightening in pitch as he rushed out his words.  “Like properly. Us, and I’m kinda scared because I’ve never felt this before and I don’t want to mess it up like I did before.” 

“Before?” You pried, unable to stop yourself. Your heart thudded in your chest, anticipating his answer. 

He just nodded slowly, gaze a little somber now. “When you and Yoongi… I think I liked you. No.” A shake of the head. No doubt. “I know I liked you. Just didn’t realise at the time until it was too late.” 

Something wanted to click in your mind. It was almost irritating. How his words could send a warm flush of comfort through your body, but also shake it up. For many reasons. But honestly, how could you have been so blind? “Seokjin, I had no idea.” You sounded regretful and torn. Were you? 

“I didn’t expect you to. Not when I was clueless myself back then,” he chuckled, shaking his head before his expression turned more serious. “And I don’t want you to think I had ulterior motives for being your friend, because I didn’t. I genuinely just missed you and wanted to hang out with you again.” He paused to collect his thoughts. “I just resigned myself into understanding it was never going to happen between us… Being your friend was just as great.” 

He sounded like he’d just accepted it along the way. Maybe you had too… You didn’t know. Things weren’t adding up in your brain, and you were overwhelming yourself trying to think so hard. How was it Seokjin had kept it hidden so well? Had he really been willing to push aside his feelings for you just so he could be the friend you’d needed? That was touching. 

“I don’t think that.” Ulterior motives weren’t his style. Never had been. “I never thought that.” 

He smiled at your affirmation, sliding his hand from yours to scratch the back of his head. Nervous habit. “So where do we go from here?” He didn’t give you time for suggestions. “I knew things were slowly changing between us, but I didn’t know if that was because I was being selfish and falling back into my old ways… Every time I caught myself flirting I hated myself but then it seemed like you didn’t mind…or I don’t know, you were flirting back with me?” 

He found your eyes again as you grinned. “I was definitely flirting back.” With Seokjin how could you not? It just came naturally. You’d always been super comfortable with him. Even more so this time around. 

He couldn’t help but grin back, reaching for your hand once more. Like he couldn’t bear not to touch you for longer than a few minutes. “Slowly it just became natural again. Something changed between us, and I really wanted to talk about it but I was too afraid. There were plenty of chances. Too many to count. Like the other night when we were on that stupid app, and we were touching and I started tickling you…” The pause he took let you both think back. That night was the turning point for you. When you realised you needed to accept things weren’t just as innocent as friends, and that you needed to do something about it. 

“I really thought something was going to happen. Like if I kissed you, you wouldn’t mind, but I didn’t want it like that. But then we ended up doing it anyway last night.” 

“Sorry.” Despite the little smirk he gave you, you felt the need to apologise. If truth be told, talking was what you wanted too. But last night just felt right. Despite the fog in your brain, you wanted to go back there. You wanted to feel his mouth on yours again. Everything had seemed so simple last night. Your feelings becoming crystal clear, but now, now you were overthinking. Wanting everything to add up like magic. 

“Don’t be,” he nudged you playfully. “I’d give you anything if you asked for it.” His voice was deeper now. Did something to you. Especially when he leant in. “Just you making the first move almost. It ruined me. Was hard to come back to down…” 

“Good thing one of Brian’s neighbours called the cops then…” You murmured, eyes on his parted mouth. 

“That’s one way of looking at it.” 

You let out a deep exhale at that. It merged with his. His voice so low, so teasing, you felt everything drop to your gut. You could kiss him again and you didn’t think he’d mind. You’d always explained yourself better with actions than words anyway. You wanted to show him how much he meant to you. How serious you were about this. Words just seemed impossible right now, but… you owed him. How nerve wracking must it have been for him to come over and admit all that to you? You didn’t even think that was the half of it, and you were sat here, still not saying anything of worth…

“Seokjin,” you sighed lightly, breaking the distance. “I’m really not good with words. Or feelings.” Your voice quivered as you spoke. “I want to say a lot but it’s hard. I don’t even know what it is I want to say.” Scoffing at your frustration you gave his hand a squeeze. “Just know I agree with everything you said. Everything you were feeling, I was. I don’t…I don’t know when it happened. I want to give you a definite answer, but I’m still trying to work it out.” You took a pause, trying to explain yourself as well as you could right now. When did he become the one, and if he always was, why had it taken you so long to realise? You felt like a fake. A fake who couldn’t work out the answers. 

“It’s like, I haven’t let myself think or feel anything about you and us and like slowly, it’s been coming and taking over my brain, until last night it just blew up.” You grinned goofily, unable to help it, remembering back. “I wasn’t even drunk. Something was definitely in the air.” 

He laughed at that, reaching to sweep strands of hair from out of your eyes with his fingers, and despite your lack of words, they seemed enough for him for now. You didn’t deserve him. Nudging his shoulder with yours, you teased him. “I blame you for looking so good.” 

He denied it, shaking his head as he rolled his eyes a little. “Nonsense. It’s all on you.” His tinged cheeks didn’t go amiss to you though. Seokjin was cute was he was embarrassed. You’d always thought so. Your heart panged at the realisation, something on the tip of your tongue, but then he was pulling out his cellphone, groaning at the time, and just like that you’d lost what you wanted to say. “Damn. I have work in half an hour. I’m sorry.” 

His pout was just too adorable not to smile at. Even if you didn’t want him to leave just yet. Not that you were getting far with your confession. “It’s okay. Can I see you later?” Even so, you couldn’t stand to be away from him the entire day. The hours apart might help you think some more, have some solid answers for when he came back. 

Seokjin nodded enthusiastically. “Of course. I mean, if you want…” He stopped himself with a sigh. “Of course you want… you asked.” 

Bless him, he was still trying to be polite. Still unsure about how to act or what to say. You felt the same. “This is so weird,” you giggled quietly. 

He laughed along before his eyes turned soft. Voice very much the same. “It’s fine. Time is our friend. We’ll take things slow. Might be awkward in the beginning, but that’s a good sign.” 

You nodded along, agreeing fully. These past couple of months it was like you guys had started over. There were sides to Seokjin you’d never seen before, ones you’d grown to love (easily). You hoped he thought the same. It was crazy how comfortable you’d gotten around him. In a different way than before. Now things were changing again. The awkwardness was expected. You’d spent many months unable to ever be this open, and even now you were still struggling. 

There was something else too…  A nagging in the back of your brain. “There is something I want to do though. First.” Seokjin looked at you curiously as you cleared your throat with a cough. Ready to continue. “Tell Yoongi.” You didn’t miss the way his eyes widened, expression visibly stiffening. You continued. “I feel like I owe him that, before we y’know… Whatever happens between us, I just want him to know first.” 

Because of you it seemed as if Yoongi had gotten caught in the middle of whatever the hell had been going on between you and Seokjin all this time. Whether he knew it or not –  Whether you knew it or not… It would feel off if he ended up finding out via someone else… You didn’t think you could do that. Even if you hadn’t spoken since the break up. 

Seokjin’s expression relaxed again, shock worn away. “I understand. That’s a good idea.” 

Relief felt warm inside you. Not that you’d expected him to have a problem with it. It was more the way his agreement seemed liked a reassurance. You weren’t stupid for thinking of your ex. It was the right idea. “I’ll text him, or call him… or something, just…” You frowned. “Today?” 

Seokjin gave a tiny shrug. “Sooner the better, right?” Best to rip the bandaid off. That’s what they said, huh? Or something along those lines… What’s the worst that could happen? 

Conversation pretty much disturbed, or delayed until Seokjin finished work, there was nothing much more to say as you walked him to your door. Your hand snug in his. Like it should have been for a long time now. The thought popped into your mind like it’d been there forever. Made heat spread across your chest. 

“Message me when you’re done with work and you can come over again,” you smiled up at him. Like some lovesick puppy. Sickening. 

He didn’t think so. A massive grin spreading on his face. “Okay. Can’t wait.” 

“Me either.” You agreed, reluctantly slipping your palm from his to open up the door. He surprised you with a chaste kiss to your mouth as he left. As if he couldn’t help it. 

As if he’d been eager to do so since he’d gotten here. 

The lingering tingle would keep you going for a few more hours… Luckily.

.

.

The irritating noise in your dream became the irritating noise in real life when you annoyingly got torn from your sleep. It was still dark outside and it took you a moment to realise the noise was your phone ringing. It vibrated against the top of your nightstand and blurry eyed you could make out Seokjin’s caller ID pic. A secret pic you’d snapped while he was asleep one night. He still had no clue. Maybe you should change it soon… It was weird, right? But you digressed. There were more pressing things at hand, like wondering why he was calling you at obscene hours. 

“Seokjiin, what do you want?” You whined down the phone at him. “It’s nearly 4am. You just woke me up.” 

“I-wan’ to seeee you.” 

The way he sang it to you, paired with the way the words blurred together in some parts and hiccuped apart in others, told he was drunk. You sighed. You didn’t have the patience for this. “You can see me tomorrow.” 

“No.” 

He was firm, you’d give him that. Made you feel guilty. You lowered the tone in your voice, hoping to sound conversational. “Where did you go tonight?” 

“Hobi. Clubbing.” He replied simply. “I thimnk I’m drunkk.” 

You couldn’t help but giggle. He’d only now come to that conclusion? “Go home and sleep it off then.” 

“Can’t do that.”

He was still adamant. “You can see me tom–”

“Am outside your place.” 

You jerked forward, already pulling the comforter from your body to stand up. Hanging up you darted to the door. This fucker was drunk out on the street calling your phone to let him in… Did he have zero self awareness? You had neighbours.  

“Get inside before you make too much of a commotion.” You just about scolded, opening up the door to see his back to you. He was looking down at his phone, slow to realise you’d hung up on him. However as soon as he heard your voice he spun  around. The goofiest smile on his face. He looked genuinely ecstatic. Despite his eyes criss crossing. And then he had you in his arms, the tightest bear hug possible. Squeezing the life out of you. 

“I missed youuu,” he slurred. 

“What are you doing,” you moaned, arms crushed between your bodies. “Ew. You’re wet.” You noticed, fighting back against the wet patch slowly spreading to your pyjama shorts. He stunk too. 

“Someone spilt their drink on mee,” he whined, you much stronger in his drunken state, and with one push he stumbled back, letting you go. He paused before he continued, voice tiny. “Maybe me…” 

You sighed, locking your door before turning back to him. “Borrow my shower. You’re not getting in my bed unless you’re clean.” He obviously wasn’t going home tonight. He listened quite obediently, slowly trailing towards your bathroom as you yelled after him, “It might sober you up a little too.” 

By the time he was done you were almost asleep again. Well, if you ignored the annoying sound of running water. Of course he had to ruin it by coming back. Lifting up one side (his side) of the duvet he whispered your name – irritatingly you may add – as he climbed in. You grunted in response, back to him, hoping he’d get the picture and just go to sleep. 

He didn’t. Fidgeting for a while, he threw one arm over your middle before wresting the other under your body. You kept your eyes glued shut, biting down on the inside of your lip in annoyance. Didn’t stop you from reaching behind you to push his body closer to yours though. His arms may have been around you, but his body seemed like a mile away. You came into contact with his bare ass. 

“You’re naked?!” You croaked, twisting your head around to be met with his darkened outline. 

“No shit. Got no other clothes,” he told you like you were dumb. You groaned and turned your back to him once more. At least the shower had awakened proper english again.   “Wanna fuck.” Kinda. 

He gripped your waist, rubbing his (soft) dick against your ass like he had some sort of itch. 

“Too tired,” you mumbled. “Besides you’re drunk.” 

He didn’t put up much of a fight, realising his body had betrayed him as he muttered something that sounded an awful lot like ‘fucking stupid’ under his breath. “Fine.” He huffed. “Can you kiss me then?” A beat of silence. “I brushed my teeth.” 

You slowly turned around in his grip, face to face now as your eyes began to get used to the darkness, studying the blurry outline of his face. What an out of place question. It caught you off guard. “Not with my toothbrush, I hope.” You whispered. 

“No. I used a spare one.” 

He did indeed taste like spearmint. Lips warm but tongue cold. He smelt good too now. Not like a brewery. It had been a long time since you’d kissed him. I missed you, that’s what he’d said, right? Dramatic, but maybe he was correct. You hadn’t hung out in a few days. Hell, properly, even longer… Life was different these days. You were questioning a lot. Yoongi existed. Not that he hadn’t already existed, but for you… Yeah, he existed in your world now. You didn’t know in what way yet. But what you were doing with Seokjin now, you’d been doing with him not five hours ago. 

You were in a predicament. The more serious things with Yoongi got, be it a few dates so far, the more distant you felt towards Seokjin. Maybe that’s why you were short with him lately. Why you kept making excuses not to meet up. But here he was tonight. Missing you. Wanting to kiss you, and fuck, was he kissing you good. For a drunk guy. You just about forgot he was naked. Rolled on top of you now, kissing you like his life depended on it. Like he was trying to prove a point. And for a second he did. You forgot Yoongi existed until your lips were cold again. Seokjin at your neck now, making your squirm as he nuzzled in. “Seokjin. That tickles.” You felt a little detached. 

He stopped reluctantly, lifting his head up to stare you in the eyes. His expression was like nothing you’d seen on him before. Like he was reading your mind and hating everything he found out. You felt exposed and unexplainably sad. 

He kept silent and rolled off you, sighing softly as he landed on his back. “What did you get up to today?” Silence. “Actually. These last few days. I haven’t seen you in a while.” His words were heavy with the alcohol. Fun turning somber. 

“Nothing much. Been busy.” 

“How does that work?” He questioned your lame reply instantly. 

You gave a small shrug into the darkness. “Just does. Assignments, work, hanging out with friends.” 

You could feel his eyes on you but you didn’t dare look across. Yoongi was a friend, right? You hadn’t lied or left him out of the equation… So why did you feel so guilty? Seokjin’s reluctance to say anything weighed heavily in  your chest. And like he noticed, you heard his lips part. “Same.” He sounded less accusing now. Voice soft, until he groaned, rubbing his head with his palm. “My head’s all dizzy.” 

You were thankful for the conversation change, turning on your side to look at him. “If you feel like throwing up, please make it to the toilet in time.” 

He shook is head, tapping his stomach as he spoke. “N’way. Stomach of steel.” 

Famous last words perhaps, but you laughed anyway. Letting Seokjin hook his arm under your body again, he pulled you to him, kissing the top of you head as you rested it on his chest. The action caught you off guard and you placed one on him too. Just below his collarbone. His skin was hot, you inhaled. In the back of your mind searching for remnants of some girl’s perfume, but you were only met with your strawberry shower gel. 

What? If you were seeing Yoongi, the idea didn’t seem so far fetched. Or maybe it was just your guilty conscious doing all the thinking. You hadn’t even showered tonight after your date with Yoongi. Could Jin smell the other guy? Is that why he was acting so strange? 

Or maybe you were just paranoid… Maybe you were just an idiot… 

.

.

That’s how you spent the rest of your morning. Thinking back, trying to remember every little moment you and Seokjin spent together whilst hooking up. You kept going over where it all went wrong. How it all went wrong. Why… Trying to look for unnoticed clues he might have given you that revealed his subconscious feelings a little. That memory, the drunken one, where he’d turned up at your door at silly o’clock in the morning… It came back to you randomly, after you’d racked your brains. How he’d wanted to see you, told you he’d missed you. They say a person drunk tells the truth… The way he’d wanted to kiss you. The way he’d done it. He’d never kissed you like that before. Hadn’t afterwards. Until last night. 

It wasn’t the exact same. The kiss last night had been even more intense, but it still held the same longing behind each caress. You saw that now. Even if Seokjin hadn’t that night many months ago. Or if he did, he’d done a good job at hiding it. That just made you sad. After all, he’d been aware you were dating Yoongi all along, just hadn’t brought it up. You’d already began drifting apart that night. It had only gotten worse… 

It just didn’t make sense. How back then you were so hung up on Yoongi you’d disregarded the guy you’d felt such an innate comfort with. Even if you would never admit it back then… What did that mean? When had you fallen for Seokjin? It didn’t matter if it wasn’t then, but for some reason you couldn’t let it go. Things weren’t adding up. You were so good at internalising your feelings you’d fucked yourself over. You wanted to be able to let Seokjin know when it was you fell for him too. He’d confessed to you. It was only fair. You owed him in a way. It’s what he needed to hear. This was a new start between you two. Things would be different now. 

There was someone else you owed something to as well… Even if Yoongi didn’t care, you wanted him to hear it from you. That you and Seokjin were going to try at something. Egotistical on your part maybe, but if the tables were turned, you hoped he would have done the same. You really had cared about Yoongi. At one point you were certain he was the one you could’ve fallen in love with… Now it just felt like you’d messed him around. What if it was always Seokjin? For some reason that thought scared you. Made you feel like you’d fucked them both over because you were selfish and clueless. Maybe a part of you was too afraid to admit the truth to yourself… It was scary. 

You (12:37pm)  Hey, this is really random. Don’t even know if you have my number saved still, but I was just wondering if we could talk soon? I have something I want to tell you and over text seems weird. You’re not under any obligation to do so, I just really want to let you know something 

You spent way too long trying to compose a text to him. You either sounded too formal or too awkward. Telling him over message seemed like a cop out, call would be better, but you didn’t want to pick up the phone straight away, he needed some type of heads up. Waiting for his reply was the most gruelling ten minutes of your life, questioning your choice of words. What if he didn’t have your number saved anymore? You hadn’t even signed it off at the end. Idiot. You were just thinking how much better it would’ve been if you’d messaged him through Facebook, when your phone vibrated in your hand, signalling his reply. 

Yoongi (12:47pm)  Of course I still have your number, don’t be silly. What’s up? Ngl this sounds kinda ominous haha…  You free today? We can meet up if that makes things easier??

One hard part over, you had to move onto the second pretty quickly. Yoongi’s suggestion made sense, you were never any good over the phone, but now you had to actually see him. You hadn’t spoken to him since the break up. Weeks and weeks of virtually no contact other than a few glances on campus if your paths ever crossed and those weird sporadic likes on social media. Now you had to have a conversation with him. Tell him you wanted to start dating Seokjin. You know, the guy you’d had that threesome with. The guy you’d been hooking up with for months prior. The guy that surely meant something more to you the whole time… 

Yoongi was going to see straight through you. 

.

.

You chose the park near the river to meet up at. His idea because you sucked at making plans when anxious. You ended up driving, wanting to pop into the grocery store on your way home to get some things for later. Just in case Seokjin hadn’t had time to eat. You got there a little earlier than intended, a blessing in disguise really, because you could sit on a bench and plan what you were going to say before Yoongi arrived. Except, he was there already… It put you in a spin, relying on a few deep breaths to calm you down before you approached him. 

“Hey,” you smiled, slowly sitting next to him. Awkward as shit. Your heart was now like a jack hammer in your chest. Maybe this was a bad idea. The apprehensive look Yoongi gave you didn’t help either. 

“Hey.” He replied softly. “You okay? You kinda have me worried.” 

“Sorry.” You dipped your head,  finding it weird being in such close proximity to him after so long. “I didn’t mean to freak you out. Honest.” God. You were having major second thoughts about this. He probably didn’t care what you were doing now. After all, he’d been the one to end things. But you were here now. No backing out. “Maybe… Maybe it’s no big deal and you’ll just laugh in my face, but… I don’t know.” 

“Hey, it’s fine,” he reassured, voice light, but you thought that was for your benefit. One of his hands made to reach for you. Reassure you. Where? An arm? A leg? But he stopped himself, realising that wasn’t his place anymore. “Take as much time as you want.” 

“Um.” Silence wore on as you tried to word this correctly. “Last night, something happened��ah,” you shook your head, going in the wrong direction. “Never mind. The details aren’t that important.” A deep breath. No matter what, Yoongi deserved this.  “Seokjin and I want to give things a go again. Like, properly.” 

Despite your words being brave, you couldn’t dare look at him, heart still thumping in your chest, although relief was slowly calming it down. The hardest part was over. 

“Oh,” was what he said. Didn’t sound shocked, or mad. Just took your information. 

That didn’t help. Made you grow nervous again. Felt like you needed to explain yourself. “Yeah. So. I don’t really know how it happened, or when, but we’ve been hanging out a lot lately and I don’t know, at first I was feeling guilty because you know, us.” 

You finally peeked at Yoongi then. It hit you that the idea of you and him now seemed odd. Prospective was a weird thing. Especially knowing Seokjin had feelings for you all along…  You blocked your ever-trailing thoughts to get back to explaining, before you lost where you were going. But you found where Seokjin we concerned, words became easier. 

“But the longer I didn’t hear from you that sort of fizzled out, and you were liking tweets that pretty much insinuated I was hanging out with him. I figured you didn’t care and I was overthinking things once again, so it just continued. Somewhere things just started happening…” 

Pausing, you realised how inappropriate all this was. Yoongi didn’t want the whole damn history. You inhaled, fiddling with the strings of your hoody. “You really don’t want to hear this. I’m sorry. What I’m trying to say is, I wanted to let you know before me and him began something. We share a history, right? I didn’t want you to find out randomly.” 

Eyes now trained to your lap, too afraid to do anything else, you felt Yoongi nudge his shoulder against yours gently. “Thank you for thinking of me.” He sounded normal. Again, not shocked, mad, whatever you’d expected. It made you look up at him, seeing a small smile on his face. “Really. I appreciate it.” He continued. A way to reassure you before he chuckled under his breath. “But I must say… I’m glad you figured it all out in the end.” 

Huh? What did that mean? Knitting your brows together you spoke slowly. “I don’t understand.” 

He studied you, like he was trying to call your bluff. “O-kay,” he said awkwardly, shaking his head. His turn to avert eye contact now. “Maybe I’m mistaken.” 

“Mistaken about what?” 

He gave you small scoff, eyes back on you. Disbelief colouring his tone. “C’mon, you still haven’t realised?”

You frowned harder. Still thoroughly clueless, you told yourself, but deep down you knew. You knew. Something was creeping up the back of your neck. A cold sweat setting in. You knew exactly what he was going to say. It’s what you’d been pushing to the darkness of your mind all day. All night. No. Ever since you’d started realising your feelings for Seokjin. Long ago… 

“It’s always been him.” 

Something froze your entire your body. The shock of a confirmation you’d been in long need of. Funny how it had to be with Yoongi’s help. What did that mean? It didn’t seem fair on him. Yet he seemed fine. Talking casually. Like it wasn’t you he was referring to. 

“You guys should have started something long ago. Way before I came on the scene.” 

“Don’t say that.” The words left you before you could truly think them. What he said triggered something inside of you. Things you weren’t ready to admit. If what he said was true, that meant you’d strung him along. Wasted his time. Maybe that’s what you were most scared of. Confused by… 

“Trust me. I’ve come to terms with it,” Yoongi laughed softly. “When we– When I ended things, it killed me being unable to tell you what was truly on my mind. I hated seeing you so confused and sad, and knowing I’d done it, but I knew if I brought up Jin you’d just deny it.” He shook his head. “Well, not deny. That’s the wrong word. You were clueless when it came to him.” 

You blinked slowly, forehead creased as things finally began to sink in. “So you broke up with me because you thought I liked Seokjin?” Suddenly it was easy to look at his face. All the things that should have been said the night of your break up were finally taking place. 

“It was more than that.” He tilted his head, thinking hard. Trying to put his thoughts into words. “Like, I just felt like I was in the way of something that had a bigger potential. It kinda wore me down after a while.” 

You didn’t reply. Not really sure if he wanted you to. Instead you waited patiently, strangely at ease despite what he was telling you. “You and I were good together, right? I really liked you and I know you liked me back but the relationship was dead. There was something missing and no matter how hard we both tried, we weren’t going to find it.” His words brought back the memories. The stale feeling you had in the last few weeks of your relationship. You wouldn’t want to relive that for a million dollars. 

“I think you had it with Jin. Or,” he corrected himself, “you could’ve if you’d realised.” 

“And you did?” You didn’t mean it rudely. You just wanted to know how it was so obvious for Yoongi. If it was so apparent how come you’d fallen for him in the first place. That’s what didn’t make sense to you. If it was always Seokjin, how come Yoongi had caught your attention? The guilt from both sides was enough to make you bury it away perhaps… 

Yoongi’s mouth curled up, amused by something. “I think I know you pretty well. We were together for a little while, hm? I liked you for longer.” You nodded in agreement. In the beginning you’d given your entire being to him. He wasn’t like other guys you’d dated. That’s why you’d felt so safe with him. Trusted him greatly. Still did…

“You act tough a lot of the time but deep down you just want to be loved for who you are. You’re sensitive and afraid to show it. You want to fall in love more than anything.” 

Jesus. You were rendered speechless at his straightforward approach. Despite being open with Yoongi during your relationship, there were some things you’d always keep to yourself. Lina saw through you, having known you for years but you didn’t realise Yoongi had too. Maybe you were more transparent than you thought? Did Seokjin see all that stuff too? 

“You thought that person was me. The one you were going to fall in love with. I get it. I’m the same. We’re a lot alike. That’s why I was so sure you were gonna be it. The one I fell in love with for real too, but I was oblivious to what you and Jin were before.” He chuckled again, “or underestimated it. I don’t know.” 

“I think I was oblivious too,” you whispered. So oblivious it hurt. So oblivious it cost you months and months. 

“I’m not telling you how to think, nor am I saying I know how you think, but it all makes sense, right? I don’t know what you and he had. Don’t think I ever will, but there’s something there. Everyone with two eyes can see it.” You listened to Yoongi, the memory of you and Seokjin bumping into Brian at the movie theatre popping into your head. The way he’d looked at you both knowingly. It had gone over your head that night, or maybe it hadn’t… You’d just let it. It was easier than facing the facts. Which was? It had always been Seokjin. 

“I don’t really know him. I’ve heard things about him, he has a reputation. I think that was always in the back of your mind. Maybe still is. That’s why it’s taken you so long to get here. He wasn’t the safe bet. The first option if given the choice maybe. But that was all in the past. Now? Things are different.” 

That had always been the problem. There was so many layers to you and Seokjin. It was never supposed to be anything serious. Hell, you hadn’t been very fond of him at first. Maybe that’s why it had taken you so long to realise you were head over heels for him. He wasn’t who or what you’d imagined. But that meant nothing. He was after all, the only guy who’d never hurt you. He’d been right in front of you this whole time, you just hadn’t seen the truth. 

“I wish you had told me what you were feeling that night,” you murmured. 

“Would you really have believed me?” He countered. “The whole break up was shitty. Definitely on my part. I fucked up a lot. Was mad at myself. With you for a moment. It was like the more I tried making us work the more detached I became. I could see you were really trying too, and that killed me. Knowing I was messing with your head.” 

You really had been so desperate for Yoongi to be the one. Any girl would be lucky to have him, and you did for a little while. He was perfect, but he wasn’t your perfect. That was reserved for someone else… Someone who had been your rock these past few weeks. 

“That night it all just hit me, but I still couldn’t tell you the deepest things on my mind. It fucking sucked,” he chuckled bitterly, kicking a stone. 

“You’re right. I probably wouldn’t have believed you. Would’ve thought you were delusional. Making an excuse to dump my ass.” You laughed. He joined you for a moment, until there was silence and you were just left with your thoughts. If Yoongi had told you the truth that night, it may have pushed you further away from Seokjin… You were stubborn. You would’ve wanted to prove Yoongi wrong. 

He kicked another stone beside you, bringing you back to reality. Should you go now? You’d taken a lot from this conversation, but you felt guilty. Yoongi has carried so much around on his shoulders since the break up – way before that even… You wanted to understand a little more. You wanted him to get closure. 

“When did you start realising?” 

He hesitated. For a moment you thought he was going to choose not to answer. You wouldn’t press him. Even if selfishly you wanted to know. His closure was yours too. “It was strange,” he began. You held your breath. “After the…the,” he hesitated again. For a different reason this time. You understood when he continued. “–threesome, things were hella good, right? It wasn’t just me who felt that. The whole time before it felt like I was lacking when it came to you. Makes sense now, because I wasn’t him.” 

That was interesting. Looking back, you thought there had been things lacking in your relationship. Not him, though. Not Yoongi. The deeper connection you’d had with Seokjin wasn’t there with Yoongi. That’s what was missing. You saw that now. You’d mistaken it for being shallow.

“But after that night, as crude as it sounds, sorry, I felt like I knew you a little better. I saw sides of you I didn’t know existed and that excited me. I was thinking with my dick, but we seemed really happy after that and I felt like things between you and Seokjin were finally done. The selfish, jealous side of me was happy, but it didn’t last. I think deep down I always knew it was him.” 

You suddenly remembered the looks you used to catch him giving you sometimes. Like he was unexplainably sad during a moment that should’ve been happy. It had been catching up with him. It was already over. You both couldn’t hide forever. 

“Doubts set in. Bad feelings, and then… It’s stupid really,” he shrugged, looking your way. “I saw a picture of you and him.” 

“Where?”

“On your cell phone.” Silence. You’d never actually deleted any of the picture you had of Seokjin. You didn’t know why at the time. Maybe because you had hardly any. That was probably exactly it. Holding on. 

“It was that night Lina dropped you off at my place crazy drunk. After you threw up you were in my bed trying to find pics of your dog… You were scrolling so fast, accidentally clicked on one of you and him. You didn’t even realise, went back to looking, but the image kinda burnt its way into my mind. It was a split second but the way you were looking at him fucked with my head. You’d never looked at me like that.” 

You felt the sudden urge to find the image, curious and sentimental. But Yoongi was still speaking, and you owed him this. 

“I told myself I was being an idiot, tried to put it past me, but it just kept coming back to haunt me… Kept thinking back to that night. I saw it then. The connection you guys had.” He stopped with a small groan, rubbing a hand over his face. Like he could still see the images.  You kept silent, unsure what you could say anyway. It made you feel awkward and guilty and you hated it. The three of you could’ve never predicted this. The detrimental side effects such a haphazard night could have caused you. 

“The night I… The night of that party I invited you to, I saw that Jin was there and got drunk. Couldn’t handle it, seeing him. It really did feel like our relationship was over.” Yoongi’s voice was rough with emotion by now. He’d been alone with these thoughts for quite some time, and no matter how okay he was now, the memories still hurt like he was right back there again. All you could do was listen to him politely, that night finally making sense to you now. 

“He found me in the bedroom, tried getting me downstairs, said we’d find you. I hated the way he said your name. I hated him.” He laughed at his bitterness back then, reliving it. “He was everything I wasn’t, even if you didn’t realise it, and yet I still crossed the line.” A pause. He needed it. “I suggested something...something stupid because I thought it could get us back on track. I thought I was making it all up. There was no you and him. If I could just control the situation – be in control. I was out of mind but I wanted to show Jin he wasn’t shit anymore.” 

That night had never seemed explainable. Yoongi’s first explanation at the time of the break up, about how he wanted things to go back to how they were, never really made any sense to you. You guess it was because it was only partly the truth. He’d suggested a repeat because of selfish reasons. Drunk and worn out, he was at his end’s tether. It would’ve never worked. God knows what would’ve happened. Yoongi truly hated Seokjin that night, no wonder he’d nearly tried to start a fight. Maybe there was still a little bit of distaste there. You didn’t miss the way Yoongi rarely said his name, referring to Seokjin as ‘he’ or ‘him’ most of the time. You guessed no matter how much Yoongi accepted things, there would always be that slight animosity. 

“We should’ve never made up after that. I should’ve apologised and ended things, but I was really weak,” Yoongi murmured. “I knew we were as good as dead, but I kept trying. I wanted us to work out so bad.” 

“So did I,” you whispered in agreement, feeling a little overcome with emotion. Just remembering back to that time. You were so scared he was going to end things. Those four days of silence nearly drove you crazy. You couldn’t think of much else. It made you push your feelings for Seokjin away even harder… You had this perfect thing with Yoongi and you needed to keep it going. At least Yoongi and you were on the same deluded page with that… 

“I know.” He sounded sad. “That’s why breaking your heart absolutely ruined me, but I knew it wouldn’t stay broken for long. I knew you’d find your way back to him.” 

And you had. Pretty much immediately. You should tell him. He’d been so honest with you. 

“That night I was so upset, needed someone to talk to. I drove over to Seokjin’s place. I crashed a date he was on but he sent her home and let me inside. We talked, I stayed over. Nothing happened,” you insisted, locking his gaze. You needed Yoongi to know that. “But it was the start of something. I found my way back to him without realising why. I just had this urge to see him.” 

Yoongi smiled, shaking his head a little in surprise. “Damn…” Whatever he was thinking he didn’t divulge. You didn’t think it was bad though. He sounded fine enough when he spoke again. “To be honest, I already thought you guys had started seeing one another again. Saw you around campus a lot, online too. Kihyun saw you at the movie theatre once…” 

You hadn’t thought about that. People make assumptions, like to gossip, but you never considered they’d think you and Seokjin were already a thing. Just like Brian had. Maybe you were so caught up in your own little world it didn’t matter to you… 

“It doesn’t shock me you guys are going to start dating. Called it long ago,” he joked. You laughed along, albeit it a little awkwardly. “But you wanting to talk to me does. It’s really touching.” He nudged your shoulder with his gently again, smiling across at you. “Sorry. I’m lame.” 

You sighed. Still felt guilty. “You’re not, Yoongi. You’re really sweet and kind. I’m so sorry we didn’t work out. Sorry I messed you around… You wasted all that time on me…” 

“What?” He exclaimed softly. “I didn’t waste anything on you. I don’t look back and regret us. It just wasn’t meant to be.” A small shrug. “That’s fine. That’s life. But,” he added, side eyeing you. 

“No, go on,” you urged, sensing his hesitation. 

“I think… I think if you and he were never a thing, me and you would’ve been different.” 

Your eyes widened, not expecting the words that left his mouth. He straightened his back, sensing your reluctance to reply. Did you agree with that? It was hard to imagine a life without Seokjin. You didn’t want to. 

Yoongi chuckled to himself. “I’m allowed to have a selfish thought one last time, right?” 

You nodded, smiling softly. Maybe he was correct. There had definitely been a connection there between you both. It just wasn’t able to grow because of the inconspicuous elephant in the room… However, Yoongi deserved someone better than you. You wanted to tell him that, but before you could he was speaking again. 

“I’m happy you’re beginning to work things out with him. Really am. You must be really excited.” 

“Yeah, I am,” you as good as gushed. Unable to help yourself regardless of how inappropriate it was. 

Yoongi was fine with it though, laughing quietly. “And I hope things are going good with you in general. How are you? How are classes? Work? Family?” 

You could tell the conversation was drawing to a close now. All the important stuff, all that needed to, had been said. Closure. Now all that was left was small talk. A catch up. You asked him about everything too, if he was dating. He said not at the moment, was satisfied with being single. You couldn’t argue with that. There was no rush. He apologised for not keeping in touch. Said being friends was easier said than done, and his ego had been bashed for a while. That, and he hadn’t wanted to impose on you and Seokjin.  

You talked some more as he walked you back, his phone ringing as you reached your car. “It’s Yijeong,” he laughed, seeing the Caller ID. 

“What’s so funny?” 

“He’s definitely wondering how it went. What’s going on.” You watched Yoongi hit ‘ignore’ and shove his cell back in his jeans pocket. “Your message kinda freaked me out so I showed him and no word of a lie, he suggested you may be pregnant.” 

“Oh my god.” Your jaw dropped open. Hm. Maybe the message you’d sent had been a little dramatic and cryptic… 

Yoongi grinned. “I’ll let him sweat it out a little longer. Make it more dramatic for when I get back.” 

You shook your head, laughing. “Poor guy is probably worried.”  

“Who, Jeong? No way! He lives for drama.” 

Fair enough. You didn’t know his roommate that well anyway. You opened up your car, turning back to jerk your head towards the passenger side. “Want a ride home?” His place was near the grocery store. 

He shook his head. “Nah, it’s okay. Thanks for the offer though.” You nodded, expecting him to decline anyway, and got inside. 

“I’ll see you?” You called, always rubbish at goodbyes. 

“See you around!” He agreed, waiting for you start the engine up. He raised a hand as you reversed and you waved back as you drove off, watching him from your mirror until he was out of sight. You smiled to yourself, feeling happy with how things had gone. 

Today was a good day. 

.

.

Clarity. 

You’d always liked Seokjin. You really had. All this time. Clueless. Oblivious. Ignorant. Whatever you wanted to call it, you’d been it. Everything made sense now. All the little things. Why the Sohee news had cut you up so badly. Why your distaste for Jemma was weirdly strong… You were jealous, hurt. Things had only began sinking in these past few weeks, yet you still hadn’t the courage to admit it to yourself. Down to a mixture of things maybe. Misconceptions over his character at first. How could you fall for such a guy? 

Oh, how wrong you’d been. The more you’d gotten to know him, you’d seen he was probably better than all your exes put together. It was only a matter of time before the feelings set in. Emotions took hold. But you’d needed to protect your own heart. Defence up. Seokjin liking you back was an impossible concept. There was no point even imagining it. Therefore you didn’t. You’d fooled yourself into thinking it was just sex. That you didn’t hold any feelings for him, and if anything you found him quite irritating. In reality, you were mad at him. Mad at him for not reciprocating the beating in your chest. How dumb were you to have never realised. When things had grown stale it was because you were fed up, not because you were bored like you’d mistakingly thought. 

When you’d fallen for Yoongi it was because he could give you everything you wanted from Seokjin. That’s why you’d pushed it away even harder. Guilt. For both guys. Yoongi never deserved to be second best, caught in the middle so to say. A pawn… Not that you ever saw him as that. You had truly liked him, but in reality he was just a distraction from what you couldn’t have. And Seokjin… Poor Seokjin. 

Thinking of all the hurt you’d caused him made your gut feel heavy. He’d had to watch you fall for Yoongi, know he was losing you to another man and then see it all unfold. He was there for you during the argument at that party, walked you home like a gentleman and then politely sidestepped your kiss. God. The near kiss. It was easy to pretend that never happened, but it had. He had still held back though. It could’ve been easy to accept your advances, but he knew you were with Yoongi and he’d respected that. Despite a previous encounter putting that in doubt. Again, you were guilty of misjudging him. 

You saw that now, and like Yoongi had said earlier, you knew Seokjin had a reputation. Every girl on campus wanted a bit of him. He didn’t do relationships, he didn’t do love. You were the complete opposite in that fact. Fleeting from one relationship to the next, desperate for that feeling. Love. Falling for a guy who wouldn’t ever love you back seemed pointless. Even these past couple of months you were still in denial. Seokjin didn’t like you like that, he just wanted to be your friend so why bother getting your hopes up. Even when the flirting started back up again, the subtle touches, the lingering glances. Just friends, that’s what you’d told yourself. Just like you’d told yourself it was just fucking at the very beginning… 

It had always been more than that. You were lying to yourself. What you had with Seokjin was a connection you’d never had with another guy before. Hell, maybe even person. Lina was your best friend, yes, but there was a vulnerability you had with Seokjin you could never get with her. No, what you had with Seokjin was something deeper, something that you had stupidly self-destructed. But against all odds, it had waited patiently. Somehow you’d found your way back to one another, and you weren’t giving up now. Not when you’d faced all your fears. Gotten all the answers. Realised the truth. 

Seokjin. Nervous Seokjin. Scared Seokjin. Kind Seokjin. Patient Seokjin. You’d never misjudge him again. These past couple of months had been your chance to do things properly. Get to know one another correctly and without distractions, because Seokjin really did want you. He’d wanted you for a long time. Through everything. 

Just the thought of knowing he’d had to listen to you the night of your break up with Yoongi, killed you, now knowing what you did. You’d been selfish, although you weren’t to know it. Even today. It had taken some balls to finally admit he really liked you, and you’d just taken it, unable to tell him what was on your mind too. Strong Seokjin. Your Seokjin. You really wanted him to be yours, and you were finally going to tell him how you felt. After all this time. You and him were finally going to happen. Properly. 

The knock on your door reminded you, and as soon as you opened it, saw his face, his goofy, nervous smile, you knew. Everything was as clear as it was ever going to get. Every feeling and emotion you’d kept at bay for so long crystallised into something certain. Something you could touch, and hold, and love. Did this idiot realise he was the one you wanted to fall in love with? You’d tell him, but maybe that was too strong a hello…

“Your hair is still wet.” 

Better. Less intense. 

He chuckled, head down as he ruffled the dark locks with his fingers. “Didn’t want to wait around.”

You smiled. Cute. He’d messaged you not even forty-five minutes ago, telling you he was clocking off from the gym and if it was still okay for him to come over. Of course it was, but he’d needed a quick shower first. You swore his cheeks were still pink from the heat. Maybe it was something else… Double cute. And the lilac hoody helped too. You’d never seen it on him before. 

“How was work?” You asked, making your way over to the couch. 

“Boring. Couldn’t wait to get out of there.” He spoke quickly, almost impatiently. You got it. You’d waited all day for this too, and he wasn’t beating around the bush. “How are you? Did you manage to tell Yoongi?” 

You nodded, almost feeling hesitant to say the next part. He wouldn’t mind, but still. “I met up with him.” 

“Oh.” He wasn’t expecting that.  

Chuckling nervously, you explained. “Yeah. I think I freaked him out with a foreboding text so he asked if I wanted to meet up.” 

“What happened? Can I sit?” He added, motioning to the couch.  

You wanted to tell him of course he could. He never had to ask, but you were fit to burst. Impatient too, with the need to confess, so you nodded instead. 

“It went well. No. Really good.” You sat down too, chuckling again. You were beyond nervous now. Giddy. “It’s funny actually. Yoongi wasn’t shocked at all.” 

“Oh. Well that’s amazing then.” He grinned, a genuine look of relief on his face. “So he’s okay with it?” 

You took a deep breath. This was easy to say. No need to be scared. “He already knew I liked you. It’s the reason he broke up with me.” Relief turned to perplexity. Things stopped adding up for him, but you were on a roll, babbling now. “Seokjin, I’m finally able to admit it to myself. I’ve had like ten different epiphanies since I last saw you.”

“Slow down.” He reached for your hand, a chuckle leaving him. You were speaking too fast for him to make sense of your words. “What do you mean? You’re worrying me. Are they good epiphanies?” 

You laughed then, a mix of crystal clarity and pure joy. “I like you, Seokjin.” It all came easy now. “Like really like you. For the longest time, and I never let myself realise.” You were sure he was holding his breath. “Even now, these past few weeks when I was slowly grasping it and letting myself feel things for you, I wasn’t really. Do you get me?” 

Seokjin’s pupils flitted around nervously. “Not really. I mean, maybe I do, but I don’t want to look like a fool if I’m wrong.” He smiled then. Of course he got you. 

You smiled back. “It’s always been you.” He gripped your hand harder and you wound your fingers in his. “Before we became this, hanging out. Friends or whatever. Before Yoongi broke up with me. That’s why I turned up at your door that night.” You spoke slower now, mind at ease. The scariest part was over. “Before Yoongi. Long before. I just never realised and I’m such an idiot.” 

“Hey, hey, hey,” he smiled, his free hand reaching out to stroke your hair. The affection of such an action caught your breath. “Don’t call yourself that. I hate when you put yourself down.” You giggled shyly. He held your gaze. “If you’re an idiot, so am I. By the time I realised it was too late.” 

“I’m sorry.” Those two words didn’t seem enough. “I just never thought we’d be here like this. If I’d have had any idea, I would’ve never— Me and Yoongi…” Even if for a split second you’d thought Seokjin and you could’ve been the real deal, you would’ve never even looked at Yoongi as more than a friend. It seemed like a cop out, but it was true. 

“But you did like him though. Right?” Seokjin asked, tilting his head as he tried to read your reaction. “At the time.” He sounded a little eager for the answer. He wanted to hear the truth.  

You nodded slowly. Your feelings for the other guy had been real, they just weren’t true. “I did. I just… I didn’t think me and you were anything more than sex. I never even contemplated us being together like that because it genuinely seemed so far fetched.” Painful honesty. 

Seokjin took it well, almost as if he’d already guessed as much. “I understand. I think I took us– no, you,” he corrected himself, “for granted during that time. I’ve never had a girlfriend. Never anything serious. You were the closest it came and even then I was too fucking stupid to see it.” He laughed bitterly. You didn’t like the sound. It was filled with regret. “I don’t blame you for falling for him. I really don’t. I blame myself. I’m the one who’s sorry.” 

You shook you head, wanting to argue with him. You could dispute it until the sun set and rose again. About who was sorrier, but where would that get you? No. What was done was done now. All you could do was talk it out. Explain what happened and what went wrong. Get that closure and move on. Move forward. 

“I think I fell for the idea of him though,” you whispered. “He’s pretty perfect. Everything we had, I wanted. It just wasn’t with him specifically.” You paused, nudging Seokjin almost playfully. “It was with you.” He gave you a half smile. You figured he was still feeling the guilt. “You shouldn’t blame yourself.” You reassured. “I didn’t think we would work like that.” 

A scoff. “You didn’t think it because you were under the impression I didn’t want it. I did.” He insisted. “I really did. I found that out when you dumped me for him, and man did it suck.” You ignored the stab in your heart. Concentrated on listening to him. “Hoseok told me I was heartbroken but I didn’t really believe him until, you know…” He hesitated. You could see him wrestling with himself to say it. “The threesome.” 

“That’s when it all just kinda sunk in. When we cut off contact. It was final. No more me and you, and it sucked balls. Big fat ones.” He tried to laugh at his own joke. You joined in, but you found nothing funny right about now. “I spent the next few weeks trying to get over you. Even though it had just become so fresh.” 

“Seokjin, I had no idea.” You felt helpless. How could you even think to comfort him when it had all been down to you in the first place. If you’d had any clue, you would’ve never indulged in that night. Yet, you would’ve never guessed he was harbouring secret feelings for you… Oblivious once again. No wonder he’d seemed so frustrated with you at first that night. 

He shrugged. Small smile on his face. “You weren’t to know. I hid it well.” 

Silence fell over you both for a moment. It was a lot to take in. A lot to think about. You were sure he was confessing things he hadn’t planned to. Perhaps it ran deeper than you both initially thought. But no matter what, there was still something painfully clear in the forefront of your mind. “I feel like we wasted all this time.” 

You felt even more helpless because of that. Come on, you’d been wasting time up until a few hours ago. If you’d actually let yourself feel instead of pushing everything deep down inside of you, Seokjin and you could’ve been together sooner. Happier sooner. 

You were going around in circles. Telling yourself not to dwell on the past, yet letting it consume you in your next breath. 

“Don’t think like that,” Seokjin smiled, hand in your hair again. You moved into him, feeling his warm palm on your cheek. “I mean, it’s all working out now, right? Sounds like it.” Here he was, your voice of reason. The one who could make you keep a positive mindset in the most darkened of times. He’d always been the same, even back then… When you used to call him up with a stress headache, unable to sleep, and he’d somehow get you dropping off within minutes. Where had it all gone wrong? What had you both been so afraid of? 

The absence of his touch across your cheek when he brought the hand back to his lap made you concentrate on the other that was entwined with yours. You’d never seen anything so perfect. It made you want to try even harder. 

“I just… I remember how I was feeling back then.” You began, memories twisting in your gut. “When our thing was fizzling out. I was all impatient and empty feeling. It came to a point where I was just fed up.” Those thoughts seemed nonsensical now. 

Seokjin nodded. ”I felt that. I ignored it though, because I didn’t want to admit it was over and you wanted Yoongi now, not me.” That night he turned up drunk at your door popped into your head again. You think that was when he finally came to terms with it. The next morning he’d rushed from your apartment without so much as a good morning. Things had only gotten worse after that. “I knew I was losing you, there just wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.” 

You should’ve realised there was something wrong when Seokjin knew it was Yoongi you were seeing. You’d mentioned the nameless first date and then just shut up. It had gone amazing, began flourishing and you’d kept it quiet from Seokjin. Just let him find out by himself. You’d made a lot of mistakes back then. It was obvious why now. 

“I think I was subconsciously waiting for you to make the next move. I remember getting these feelings when you used to kiss me or cuddle up to me in bed, but I could never describe them and you never did it for long enough to make me realise that I liked you.” There were multiple occasions to hand. Even now just letting yourself remember back. The feelings now clear, came flooding back. Your favourite memory together. When he tried to build your bed frame… 

“I think I was bitter at you. That’s why it was so easy to walk away.” 

“I get that.” He understood, before sighing. “I remember I used to hold myself back sometimes because I didn’t want to freak you out. But I know now that I also didn’t want to freak myself out. I used to stop kissing you when I was enjoying myself too much. Used to wake up in the middle of the night to find myself hugging you and just move away, turn my back to you.” The twisting in your gut began to ease, a glow in your chest now. Yes, It was easy to get caught up in your mistakes, but you needed to see what was here now. What the past meant for you now. 

“We both were dumb dumbs,” you laughed under your breath. Were. Past tense. It’s what those mistakes made you as people now. You easily saw your flaws looking back, knew Seokjin could see his too. It was about growing. Changing. You’d done a lot of that these past couple of months. Together. As one. 

“Things are different now.” You sounded firm. You were getting what you wanted. Gripping life by the balls. “I’ve always waited around for stuff to happen.” In hindsight you saw it was down to fear. “I did it with you without realising and I did it with Yoongi too. Just waiting for the milestones to play out. Like how they do in a serious relationship.” You scoffed, thinking back. “I’d found the perfect guy and I was just waiting… Not doing. Not pushing. Just emptily waiting for it all to happen…” You were waiting for something to happen with the wrong guy. That was the reality. 

You held Seokjin’s gaze, letting yourself smile. You needed him to understand this part clearly. “With you this time around, I didn’t have to do that. It just happened on its own accord.” You smiled harder. “We work together. Naturally.” It was infectious. He couldn’t help but smile either. “We were friends, used to be more, and now it’s finally morphing into what we wanted all along.” 

You paused and swallowed. “–and for me, not because I want a boyfriend, or just to be in a relationship. I just want you. I want to be near you, and I wanna touch you. Make you smile. Make you laugh.” He did so on cue. The sound you’d grown so fond of. The sound that spread a warmth through your belly and up to your chest as you clasped ahold of his other hand, squeezing tightly as you laughed along with him. In your own little world. “I’m just happy to be in this with you.” There wasn’t much else to it. Simple. 

“You don’t know how happy that makes me to hear that,” he confessed, voice lowering as he leaned in closer. “I said earlier, but never think I was using the friend thing as an excuse. I’d already given up on us. Thought I’d missed my opportunity and yeah, sometimes there were glimmers of hope. Selfish of me. When I witnessed you and him have that argument.” Pausing to close his eyes, he sighed gently. “When you broke up and told me you didn’t love him. It was really fucking selfish of me actually. You were going through shit and I was there wondering if it was because of me that you weren’t in love with him.” 

That night came back to you. Seokjin had almost pried the information out of you, lying on his bed. He’d been eager to know why you had chosen him for comfort. Eager to know if you loved Yoongi and why you’d thought he was the one. You looked back with different eyes now. 

“That’s why I pushed it away. Being your friend was the next best thing to being your boyfriend.” Boyfriend. The word made your heart jump. “I wanted to show you different sides to me. I’d done a lot of growing up in your absence. Maybe the hope was still there a little, but I ignored it for a while. I wanted to show you the person I could be. The person I was when serious.” 

“I knew that person existed anyway,” you said softly. “Not that I don’t like every side of you.” 

It was true. You loved every part of him. In the past you’d been wilfully ignorant of the more serious sides of Seokjin. You knew they were there, they slipped out sometimes. He struggled with them. Didn’t like being taken too seriously, thought it made him vulnerable. He was sometimes. Got shy and embarrassed easily. Got nervous or tongue tied a lot. You ignored it just to make him feel better. His best defence mechanism was his ego. He’d been hiding behind that for a long, long time. Still did, but these days he’d learnt to drop it front of you. Maybe you’d ignored it harder because you were scared it meant you’d have to do the same thing. Drop everything. You hid behind a lot too… Well, not anymore. 

“Besides, I showed you different sides of me too,” you grinned. 

He furrowed his eyebrows, as if thinking hard... “Yeah, come to think of it, I did notice you were nicer.” 

“Hey,” you exclaimed, pouting. 

“Just kidding.” He laughed, letting go of your hands to to cup your face. “Of course I’m kidding.” And then he was closing the gap suddenly, mouth on yours. He kissed you almost delicately, bottom lip between his. You closed your eyes, knowing now this was it. No more regrets, no more sadness over lost time. What mattered was that you were here now. You were both ready, and that obviously wasn’t the case all that time ago. 

“Sorry. Just went for it,” he murmured when he broke away. 

“Don’t be sorry.” You smiled almost drunkenly, tipsy off the feeling of pure happiness. You gripped your hands around his sides. All you could reach properly sat facing one another, knees meshed together. “I’ve wanted to kiss you all day.” All night actually, but the fleeting kiss this morning had added fuel to the fire. 

“It’s your lucky day then. I have plenty more where that came from.” He whispered, lips soon on yours again. This time was a little more confident, but just as gentle. His fingers threaded through your hair and you wanted to touch him more too. You let his hoody go to place your hands either side of his neck, pulling him close to you. He took an uneven breath and you used the moment his lips were parted to slip your tongue inside his mouth, finding his and softy drawing them together. He tasted minty. You smiled into him. You’d also brushed your teeth before he arrived. 

Somehow the kiss found its way into an embrace, your arms snug around his middle, face against his chest and one of his arms wrapped around your shoulders. You’d never get over hugging Seokjin. It was a new feeling all together. Made you feel at ease. Warm. Safe. Like everything was right with the world. 

“Have you told Lina yet?” He murmured into your shoulder. 

You shook your head, pulling away reluctantly to reply. Not before giving him a quick kiss though. “I wanted to have this day. She’ll be into it though. Was practically begging me to make a move last night.” He gave you a look of disbelief. But that was a conversation for another time. “Told any of the guys?” 

Smiling nervously. Maybe shyly, he scratched behind his ear. “I may have told Sandeul something. It was just really hard to hide. Said I was acting weird this morning. Said he’d never seen me smile so much.” A chuckle. “I didn’t tell him much though because I was unsure what was going on between us.” 

“What will you tell him tonight?” You teased. Leaning in, head tilted. 

“That… You and I are going to give things a go again. Like properly. It’s not even again really. It’s all new, and I’m equal parts excited and terrified.” He paused. “How does that sound?” 

“It sounds correct,” you nodded, stoking his hand. They’d become entwined again. “But, no need to be terrified. How come?” 

“I’m just really scared.” His honesty took you by surprise. “Saying all my feelings out loud. I’ve never done that before. But I need to. For us… I’m just,” he shook his head, laughing at himself. He thought he was being stupid. “What if I mess it up? Did last time. I don’t know what to do sometimes. All I know is that I really, really like you.” 

You understood the fear of the unknown. But you were in this together. Each other’s moral support, and yes, you really, really liked him too. “You won’t. I won’t. Nothing’s changed from yesterday.” You reassured him. “Last week. Last month. Hell, from all those months ago. We just get to…” You trailed off to show him instead, mouth on his. 

Really, nothing was going to change, just now you got to show one another how you felt. The jump from friendship to something more wasn’t that daunting considering your past. The only thing that had been daunting, was admitting your feelings. The hard part was over. 

Maybe. The thought popped into your head suddenly. There was still some things you were curious about. Things you’d been thinking of on and off for a few weeks. They were uncalled for back then, now maybe not… 

“Hey. I just wanna ask,” you started, hand on his chest as you pulled away. “I know this may seem stupid or like I’m prying…” Seokjin quirked an eyebrow, silently telling you to continue. 

You puffed up your cheeks and blew out the air softly. “How many girls have you been with since me?” You didn’t miss the way his eyes bulged. He definitely hadn’t been expecting that. You rushed to explain yourself. “You don’t owe me anything. I just want… I haven’t been with anyone else since Yoongi. Maybe it’s obvious.” 

This was a fresh start, and you wanted things to be easy and open. You’d spoken quite candidly and casually about sexual partners in the past. You knew Seokjin’s sexual history quite well, no judgement. He knew yours too, but now there was a gap in knowledge. It would put your mind at ease. You didn’t want the details, names even, just an idea. You felt silly for asking, but by the way Seokjin chuckled, he didn’t seem to mind. 

“I don’t know, we kinda kept that conversation dead,” he shrugged. You agreed. It was a no-go area for a while. Both probably scared they’d hate the potential answers. “There’s just been two.” He told you simply. You held your breath. Shocked, but not wanting to admit it. 

“One super soon after things ended. Like a week? I remember I was still in denial. Kinda mad at you maybe… I saw you post a pic with Yoongi online. Found myself picking my phone up and calling this girl I’d hooked up with once ages ago.” You were shocked at the amount of info he was giving out too, but then again, maybe he needed this. Therapeutic to an extent? You listened.

“It was dumb. I didn’t enjoy it. It felt weird. Wasn’t you. I hated myself for thinking like that.” He groaned then, pulling a face. “The second time was just before… Just before the threesome.” Oh. “I thought I’d give it another go. Get myself back out there. Tinder stroked my ego for a bit, let me act like an unapologetic dick.” He shrugged. “The usual. I was so determined to prove Hoseok wrong but well. Jesus. It was the most embarrassing night of my life. I don’t know why I’m going into detail,” he chuckled lowly. 

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” you offered. Didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. 

“No, it’s you. I don’t mind looking like a fool.” He insisted. “Besides, I haven’t told anyone it happened. Might help expel the deep-set trauma.” Okay. His joke got you curious. There was a beat of silence and then he went for it. “I couldn’t keep it up. I panicked and pretended I came. I don’t think she bought it.” 

“Oh, Seokjin,” you exclaimed, unable to keep a straight face. You wrapped your arms around his neck and stretched to kiss him, feeling guilty for laughing. 

It was okay though. He joined in and reached for your arms. “I can laugh about it now but at the time I was just… It was more than being embarrassed.” He hesitated. It got serious again quick. “I-I realised I didn’t want anyone else. Not even casually like I had before. If it wasn’t you, then what was the point?” 

You pulled away, giving him some breathing room. You knew what was coming next. Or at least you thought you did. “I felt mad, sad at the same time. It’s how… I didn’t know what to do. I wanted things to go back to how they were. Me and you.” You kept quiet, already playing out the events you were sure he was going to bring up next. 

“I text you the night after. I didn’t really know what I was doing. What I was after. I was really quite drunk, thought drowning my sorrows might help. You seemed disinterested but I didn’t stop. I’m so ashamed now.” He sounded mortified. “I should’ve just left it but I pushed.” 

Semi disinterested. Because no matter how much you’d tried to ignore it, something was still there. You did remember thinking Seokjin was acting more obnoxious than usual though. Like it seemed forced. No wonder…  

“Wanting you so bad turned me into something I wasn’t. Like I know some people might think I’m an arrogant jerk who thinks with his dick but that’s not me really.” A shrug. “Maybe it was that night though. I wasn’t acting with my heart, not really, because I wouldn’t have… I don’t even know what I wanted…” A sigh. “I just really missed you. I wanted to show you that Yoongi wasn’t the guy for you. Maybe I wanted to hurt you a little. Like you’d hurt me.” A scoff. “Like I said, selfish. Somehow it ended like it did. God knows how.” 

What could you really say to that? No one could’ve ever predicted that night. You guessed his original plan had to talk to you, but then you’d hurt him with your flippant remarks. Things had only changed when Yoongi appeared. Seokjin couldn’t take the full blame. The situation had snowballed. 

“I never said how sorry I was for that night.” His voice was small. “I feel like I ruined everything. Ruined you and Yoongi like I’d wanted all along. I don’t know about now though… You just kinda disproved it.” Yep. The night hadn’t ruined what you and Yoongi had, but you should’ve taken it as a sign. A bad omen. 

“You don’t need to apologise. There was three of us that night. We all made the decision.” Talking about the threesome wasn’t in your plan today. You’d rather just put it behind you, but you had to admit, it felt freeing to get it all off your chest. “But yeah. You didn’t ruin anything. Me and Yoongi were over long before that. Long before we even started.” 

“You seemed like you regretted it though.” You lifted your head up in surprise. You’d never regretted it. Seokjin had been under that impression for a while now, and he was painfully wrong. No matter what, you would never wish it hadn’t happened. “The night of the break up. You thought it was why he ended things.” 

“I was confused that night. Clueless. Seokjin, I don’t regret it. It’s okay if you do, I totally understand, but just know I’m okay with what happened.” It was his turn to look shocked now, but you needed to add something. “The threesome, it happened because my feelings for you still lingered undetected. I wouldn’t have agreed otherwise. Yoongi… I don’t know… He wanted to prove a point. Maybe deep down he knew me and him weren’t the real deal. Subconsciously.” You shook your head. It wasn’t down to you to try and understand his reasonings. “I don’t know, but yeah, I need you to know I don’t regret a thing. Mm?” 

If he had any guilt over the situation, you wanted it to be eradicated. You wouldn’t have him worrying over stupid shit. It was in your past, not your present. 

“I understand.” He gave you a smile to appease you. You didn’t totally believe it, but you didn’t want to drag the conversation on. It was obvious Seokjin had a lot of troubles when it came to his own reasonings for that night. It all made sense now, when he’d told you he regretted it weeks ago. He’d hated the way he’d acted. 

“Can I ask one more thing?” You added after a moment. Not wanting to be annoying, but you were still wondering about what more thing, and he hadn’t brought her up yet… 

He nodded. “Sure.”

“Jemma…?” 

His eyes widened. Kinda like he’d forgotten all about her. He laughed, looking embarrassed. “Yeah, that was another crazy decision on my part. Shit. Where to start…” He sighed loudly. “I hadn’t been involved with anyone since that night and I knew I needed to just get over it. Get over you.” Okay, you saw where this was going. “I just didn’t want to be the old me. I wanted… a relationship? I know I wanted one with you, but I couldn’t have that so I just pushed on through with…” 

He seemed reluctant to continue for a moment and sighed again. “Jemma liked me. It was easy, she was just there. The date happened because I’d finally accepted you were with Yoongi. The night I walked you back home… I know things – I know things ended in an argument with you and him, but regardless, that changed nothing between us. You still didn’t want me like I wanted you. Or so I thought.” He cleared his throat. You wondered what he thought about the near kiss but decided not to ask. 

“I went back to the party and she kissed me. I didn’t stop her. She kept messaging me afterwards and I just thought I’d go for it. Ask her on a date. Regretted it immediately. I think maybe dinner at my place was a little too romantic? Gave her the wrong idea…” You laughed, he joined in. “Annd then you turned up at my door. Saved me. She meant nothing. I was a dick. But maybe you’d think differently.” 

You chuckled. Okay, you got it. He sensed you didn’t like her. “No. She’s fine… at a distance.” 

“Yeah, I get that.” He agreed.

“Sorry, I feel like I’m interrogating you.” 

“No, no,” he insisted, a hand reaching to hold your face. “I want to tell you these things. They’ve just been playing on my mind most of the time anyway.” He gave a little shrug. “It feels good to let my thoughts out.” 

You agreed silently, nodding before you hugged him, pushing his back against the couch. You pulled away and rested your head on his shoulder. He took the chance to caress his fingers through your hair, sending your eyes closed. This was it. This was your perfect. Seokjin was just that, the guy who just got you. You gelled together so easily, and you got him too. He was perfect. 

“Hey, this may sound dumb.” Seokjin spoke again. A murmur really. You opened your eyes, lifting your head a little to see him. “I just… I’m really cool with taking things slow right now. I don’t want to fuck this up and I know sex won’t do that, but I want to do things properly.” He gave you a little smile. “Been imagining this for so long. Want to take you out on dates and stuff.” 

You grinned. “That sounds perfect.” Reaching up to kiss him like you couldn’t keep your lips apart. “I’m happy with whatever. Just want to be near you anyway. Have you like this.” Squeezing your arm around his middle, he grinned back happily. Honestly sex hadn’t crossed your mind today. Things were different now. It would happen naturally. You didn’t want to push things or rush them. There were better ways to have Seokjin. 

“Doesn’t mean we can’t kiss though.” He told you, leaning in. Lips warm you let yourself sink, giggling when he continued talking. “I have a lot of kisses to catch up on.” And he did. There was no need to say anything else, add to the conversation. Not right now anyway. You just wanted to be thought-free, to touch and feel Seokjin. Know that he was here and real, and this was it. This was what you’d wanted deep down for the longest time. No more hiding. No more denial. You were both on the same page. 

This time the kiss turned a little more eager, just like last night but with more confidence. A certainty that this wasn’t just some fluke. It was real, and you were his. He was yours. After all this time. And against your better judgement, maybe actions did speak louder than words. He took your breath away, again kissing you like the night he’d turned up at your door drunk. Only this time he wasn’t trying to prove anything, persuade you. There was no need. He was just able to kiss you like he meant it. 

He gripped your waist, his body weight pushing you down no matter how hard you tried to anchor yourself to him, hands clinging around his back. You were pushed into your cushions, sliding down slowly before he realised, letting up to laugh and apologise. He helped you sit straight again, adrenaline and pleasure high visible on his face. Cheeks flushed, lips wet and the deepest shade of pink you’d ever seen them. Or maybe your memory was shit. It was coming back to you now. Each kiss you’d shared. How much you’d loved every one.

“You wan-na—

You cut whatever question he was about to ask right off his mouth. Practically pouncing on him, knees digging into your sofa, arms wrapped around his neck. You kissed him hungrily. Loudly. Messily. Maybe this wasn’t as romantic as you were going for, but then again, it was. It really was.You were so caught up in your feelings, you couldn’t control it, and that was as romantic as it got. You were both on the same wavelength anyway, Seokjin gripping the back of your knee to help you lift your leg up and straddle him. He grunted when you landed on him with a bump, one hand digging into your side as the other held the back of your head, threading his fingers through your hair to keep you in place. 

This was it. Your wildest dreams come true. Come to think of it, you’d never even let yourself imagine this. It was forbidden. A sure way to heartbreak. But this was better than any form of fantasy. Kissing Seokjin was better than anything in the world. 

He on the other hand was a glutton for punishment. 

“You have no idea how many times I imagined this in my head.” You had to come up for air eventually. Lips kiss bitten, jaws sore, breathing heavy. You rubbed your nose against his, giggling quietly, happily. You hoped it lived up to expectations. By the grin on his face you guessed it did. 

He moved his arms to around your waist, holding you close as he kissed at your mouth sweetly. You’d never get used to that sensation. It was a new one all together. Something you’d never experienced before. He squeezed you gently, a whisper like confession against your lips. “I’m so glad Yoongi was okay with everything.”

“Seokjin,” you said, pulling away to run your fingers through his hair. He needed to understand something. “You do realise that even if he wasn’t, we’d still be here right now.” You cared about not hurting Yoongi’s feelings, yes, but somethings were just… You deserved your own happiness. Nothing would have kept you away. “I want you.” An assertion. Voice steady and certain. “And literally nothing is getting in my way now.” Even yourself. 

“Shit.” Seokjin muttered under his breath before he gave a low chuckle. “That sounds hot.” 

“I am hot,” you sassed, turning your nose up in the air. 

He nodded his head in full agreement. “Very hot. Extremely hot.” His mouth was coming for you again but you avoided its path, pulling his hood up over his head. “What are you doing?” He whined as you tugged on his (cute lopsided) drawstrings, tightening the fabric over his head. A lilac cocoon. So pretty. 

“You look cute!” 

“Cute?!” He pouted. “I don’t want you to call me cute!” You squealed, gripping onto his shoulders as he squeezed you tighter, pulling your chest to his. Any giggling was cut short when his tongue found you neck. Blame being ticklish but your throat was incredibly sensitive to pleasure and pair that with Seokjin’s devastating lips, you were putty in his hands. 

“You like that?” His voice shuddered up your wet skin and you let your head fall back, closing your eyes as you moaned. “How could I forget how pretty you sound when you moan?”

Fuck. How could you forget how good he was at this? Your heart was racing, body buzzed. You laughed in embarrassment, burying your face into his neck. He had no other option but to pull away, nuzzling your hair with his nose. 

“So unfair.” 

It took you a moment to realise what he was referring to. Teasing, but defeated and maybe a little embarrassed himself. Yep. That really was his erection you were sitting on. He’d done well up until this point. Not that you minded. By the heaviness between your legs, you knew your underwear was, shall you say, a little damp anyway. However, oddly, there was no frustration itching at your body. You were just happy to be here; kissing, sharing this moment. You both really did mean it. You wanted to wait. Take things as they came. 

“Glad I know I still have that affect on you,” you smirked, leaning back to take a look at his face. 

He was flushed, but sure of himself when he replied. “You always have. Ever since the first time.” 

You made a noise of disproval. “Seokjin, you had that erection before I walked in on you.”  

“No, no, no,” he insisted, stealing a kiss. You just laughed at him. He was dumb. Still humoured you though. “It was a semi. You’ve made it rock solid ever since.” 

That made you snort. Unable to believe your ears. Speechless, really. You wouldn’t think that called for another sweet ass kiss, but there you were, getting lost in the feeling of his mouth again. You could feel his smile beneath your hand on his face before he pulled away. Made you smile too even though you didn’t know what it was for. 

“I’m glad you found me.” 

Your heart skipped a beat, warmth flooding your chest. You were so insanely glad too it hurt your head. Who would’ve thought an ill-advised hook up would’ve led you here? You were so glad that the teeniest, tiniest part of your subconscious had been curious and hungry for Kim Seokjin’s dick back then. Well done you. 

You didn’t say that out loud though. Seokjin seemed genuinely serious, and you didn’t want to ruin the moment. You’d leave it for another time. Instead, you rolled his shoulder with your hand, tilting your head in question. “Even if it took us a while to get here?” 

He sighed in content, hugging you tightly. “That just makes it better.” 

Damn. He was about to turn you into a flustered mess. How dare he. Your cheeks rounded with a smile, chin dipping to kiss him. What were the chances your lips would be double the size come tomorrow? Not that it mattered… 

Seokjin chuckled. Sounded a little abashed. You questioned him with a little frown. “Nothing. Sorry. I’m just trying to be all romantic and you’re sitting on my seedy boner.” 

You bit on your grin. Tilting your head again. “It’s a reflex, right?” 

“Right.” He agreed. More than relieved you understood him perfectly. 

Written 2019-20. Reworked/Edited 2020 Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2020

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

lights will guide you home (Tokoyami Fumikage X Reader) PART 1

I’m back ya’ll~. Serving ya’ll up with some ANGST!! 

I’ve been wanting to try my hand at making a semi-long story consisting of some bittersweet angst with my bird boi Tokoyami~. I dunno, I heard about three different songs and for some reason they made me think about him, the mood of the song I guess... but I hope ya’ll enjoy~.

Summary: “This will be so much fun.” You had said before and during the Summer Training Camp because you were going to be with your crush Tokoyami, but... things happen.

And it finds me The fight inside is coursing through my veins And it's raging The fight inside is hurting me again And it finds me The war within me pulls me under And without you The fight inside is breaking me again 

-’Fight Inside’ Red

The red woman from Game of Thrones liked to say that ‘the night was dark and full of terrors’, but tonight the night was dark, but cool and serene. The moonlight lit up the darkness provided by the night sky as you looked up with a melancholic glance and a bittersweet glimmer in your eyes.

Something about the light that made you comfortable even though the darkness could also be soothing. However, you assumed that it had to do with your light-based quirk. You could see light in many things, even in the gloomiest and haziest of situations.

Light is what made everything clearer, light is what allowed you to see things when everything was too dim or too hazy, whether it was in a dark room or a dark memory.

Light was your clarity.

And clarity was something you had slowly gained over the past week after everything that’s happened to you.

It’s only been a week and yet you could still remember everything that happened at the Summer Training Camp. Everything.

The good memories and the bad ones. No, how could you forget the good memories? You were with your friends, you were training hard alongside them and you were with Tokoyami. The boy you’ve had feelings for since the first time you met in class.

It was awkward at first, but it helped that you weren’t much of a talker yourself, so the small moments you and he spent indulging in a little bit of small talk over things like quirks, music, horror movies and Gerard Way were moments you loved. You feared that you sounded dumb at times but the raven never judged you, he had a lot of respect for you and you especially respected the hell out of him too.

Then there was Dark Shadow, who was oddly just as kind as his host was, just much more expressive and childish. But sweet, you adored the shadow and never hesitated to give him head pats and scratchies, much to Tokoyami’s immense embarrassment as he would try to make Dark Shadow stop acting like such a needy dog. It was moments like that that made you adore him all the more, him and his quirk.

He was such a chivalrous and kind boy, no ulterior motive to him whatsoever. He had no real vices that you could think of, nor was he a pervert.

You liked him, you liked him a lot.

Part of you almost believed that he knew it too, because after all Tokoyami was a smart guy even if his grades didn’t always show it. And you weren’t wrong, he did know it, but didn’t have the heart to confront you about it because he didn’t know how he would talk to you about it. Also, it stemmed from insecurity that he wouldn’t be able to be a good potential partner to you, so he was perfectly content with being a good friend to you and always being there for you.

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t gain feelings for you too. Something about your kindness, the light in your eyes and your little giggle whenever you were excited. How he loved to hear you laugh...

The most mirthful sound that the gods could never replicate...

Unlike him, you had no idea if he felt anything else for you other than friendship, but you knew that he valued you and cared about you. And for now that was enough for you. Moments with him like that you cherished and adored, and it didn’t stop when you and he trained with the rest of your classmates at the summer camp.

But of course, there were the bad memories too. How could you forget those? You desperately wanted to but you couldn’t…

LAST WEEK…

You were so excited for this Test of Courage challenge as you giggled a little bit and stood by Tokoyami and Shouji, “Isn’t this exciting? I’ve always wanted to do something like this. And I have a feeling that this will be so much fun~…!” You whispered to the two males, both looking as expressionless as ever but that was just their natural default look and they paid their full attention to you.

“Revelry in the dark.” Tokoyami nodded in agreement and repeated that little phrase he’d been uttering, and this was the fourth time as you giggled at this. And just hearing it made his heart flutter a little bit and he couldn't help but feel just a little more bashful.

“It’ll certainly allow us to practice awareness of our surroundings.” Shouji also agreed with you as you smiled and gave him a thumbs up, “Totally… I need to work on that more. But I think I’ll be okay, whoever’s sneaking around won’t be able to get me. Not when I can… light em up~.”

You brought your hand out to create a small ball of light thanks to your quirk ‘Light Construct’ which let you control light and use it to make anything, but you favored making balls, a sword and wings. It was useful in combat to blind opponents especially.

Ah it was something Tokoyami was still fascinated with despite his penchant for the darkness. Your quirk was something positive, which was kind of ironic given your sarcastic sense of humor. Still, Tokoyami knew your heart and he admired how your quirk reflected that, because sometimes you could light up the darkness in his gloomy world. Literally and figuratively.

“I trust they won’t be able to sneak up on you (L/N). Not with your power. Light is what draws the terrors out of the shadows. If anyone can win this game, you can.” He said with admiration in his tone which made you blush and smile, “Hehe, true that~ And thank you!”

As much as you wanted to keep chatting, you had to do this thing and you had to go to Izuku since he was your partner, “Good luck Tokoyami. Shouji. I’ll see ya’ll back at the place, maybe before we go to sleep we can either listen to some MCR or watch the Cabin in the Woods on my phone and discuss which of our classmates would be the classic horror archetypes and who would get killed first.” You said with a little smirk which made Tokoyami chuckle a little bit. There’s no way he was turning down that offer.

“I would like that.” He said politely as Shouji nodded while you walked off with Izuku.

Shouji was well aware that his friend clearly had a crush on you, so he would do his best to be the wingman for him. And Dark Shadow for that matter.

‘You got a crush on (L/N)~!’

Tokoyami could hear him already teasing him telepathically, and although he wasn’t one to be flustered, such a (correct) accusation still embarrassed him as he could feel heat rising on his cheeks. ‘B-Be quiet! I do not…’ He claimed, but his shadow knew better and he wouldn’t shut up about it even as he and Shouji left to go into the trees.

You were smiling as you made your way to Izuku…

At least… until it became clear that something was very, VERY wrong and it all happened so fast that you had no idea what was going on until Mandalay sent everyone a message and urged everyone to go back to the pro-heroes and fight back if necessary.

You were ready to do so, but then Izuku told you to just go to the rest of our classmates and try to help them out as much as possible and let him find Kota to take him back to the place. So you did and activated your light wings.

Oh no, you should have stood with Izuku because you had no idea what he was doing or what kind of danger was looming over him. You should have stood with him, you should have…

But you also had to look around for your classmates, you had to find Ochako, you had to find Tsuyu, you had to find Shouji, you had to find Tokoyami…

Tokoyami…

Where were they? Why was it so dark? Dammit, your quirk worked better when it was daytime with the sun, and although the moonlight helped your wings weren’t as bright as they normally were in the daylight.

But then something sharp suddenly pierced through the air and just in time you moved away before it could cut through your skin although your wings automatically dissipated in that moment of distraction and you hit the ground with an ‘OOF!’

“(L/N)?! Is that you?!”

You sat back up when you heard Tokoyami. He saw the light and knew that belonged to your quirk so you were quick to get up to go follow their voices, “I’m here! I’m here!” You ran to both the males and Dark Shadow who were alert and waiting for the lurking villain to come out of hiding.

“Be careful (L/N)…” Shouji quietly whispered to you with one of his mouths as you nodded and brought your hand up to try and see if you could find this punk who was hiding. “What the fuck was that…?” You quietly whispered as you stood among your two friends.

“We don’t know. Stay alert though… this person’s quirk is long-range.” Tokoyami replied to you while he and Dark Shadow were still on alert, uncertain just what was going on, but he just knew that whoever this guy was, he was close and he had a long-range quirk based on the fact that he attacked you while you were in mid-air.

If what Mandalay said was true then there really were villains in the midst, and that meant there was one right now in the dark. Anything can attack you in the dark, because the dark played tricks on people…

You were proven correct when one of the same blades you saw nearly sliced through Tokoyami until Shouji quickly pushed him back to take the attack at the cost of one of his arms.

“Shouji!”

“Shouji!”

You and Tokoyami cried out his name as you activated your wings to become a distraction and get that villain away from him, you couldn’t let Shouji or Tokoyami get hurt. You had to protect them both.

“HEY!” So you called out the villain as you flew, “Show your face you pussy!” You outright challenged whoever this villain was if it meant getting him away from your friends but you gasped when you saw only a glimpse of his face under the dim moonlight... 

His teeth were like blades and his face was ugly, body bounded by a black straight jacket as he gave a raspy chuckle, “Flesh, flesh, sweet soft flesh!!” The man cackled as another blade came your way so suddenly out of the shadows and stabbed you right into your shoulder.

“GYAH!!” You couldn’t stop the agonized shout leaving you as the pain made your wings evaporate, “(L/N)!!”

You heard Tokoyami scream for you as you fell, he wanted to reach out for you but he stopped as soon as he saw Shouji retreat out of the bushes so he could catch you. Shouji was hurt… one of his arms was gone… your shoulder was bleeding…

As you grunted in Shouji’s arms you clutched at your bleeding wound, “(L/N) are you…?” But before Shouji could even ask if you were okay, his eyes started to widen when he saw the rage in his friend’s eyes, his quirk manifesting in a blind fury and festering rapidly.

How dare they? How dare they hurt his friends? How dare they hurt someone so good and kind? How dare they hurt you?

This villain… he could not be forgiven…

“I’ll... KILL YOU...!!” As his shadow roared, Tokoyami didn’t hesitate to let him attack as soon as that villain reappeared to try and attack him, and an enraged Dark Shadow struck with such brutal force that the tree his claw smashed was broken in half without a bloody mess occupying it.

The villain was fast, he kept moving even as the shadow attacked him again and again until he grew larger and all the more outraged as he let out an otherworldly roar much to the horror of you and Shouji.

“T-Tokoyami!”

You couldn’t help but reach out to him and cry out for him, as if hoping that calling for him would snap him out of his rage. Wide, shocked red eyes met your terrified, worried (E/C) ones as it momentarily brought him back as you started to smile a little bit…

Only for that to fade into a horrified look when Dark Shadow continued to roar and tried to viciously swipe at you, but Shouji quickly grabbed you and jumped away just in time before the shadow could mash you into a bloody paste.

Tokoyami shouted when for a moment, he thought his quirk was going to kill you and Shouji, but to his relief you both got away, but he couldn’t stop it… he couldn’t stop Dark Shadow, he couldn’t control him anymore.

It was raging…

It was raging so angrily, so violently no matter how hard Tokoyami tried to get him to stop…

He couldn’t stop it…

“Tokoyami…” You whispered sadly as Shouji carried you and ran away from the incensed shadow so neither of you would get hurt. It broke your heart but you knew that it was the right thing to do.

You both needed to hide.

“(L/N)… you’re hurt… can you move…?” Once you and Shouji were away far enough from Dark Shadow, he inspected your wounds as you weakly nodded. “I-It hurts like a bitch but… I’m okay… I-I can… I gotta keep going…”

He didn’t protest to this, because he knew that even through pain you tried to pull through things. And he thought that maybe, just maybe you and he could save Tokoyami and stop Dark Shadow before he spirals further out of control.

Dammit, you wanted to try and help but, in the darkness, and in this thick forest of trees the moonlight couldn’t give you enough light for you to generate a light bright enough. Shouji didn’t blame you though, you couldn’t help your quirk’s limitations.

You just had to find someone like Todoroki or Bakugou…

A blessing in disguise met you as you held onto Shouji when he heard Izuku coming and quickly, he swooped in to get him out of the way when Dark Shadow’s claw nearly got him too.

“Shouji! (L/N)!”

The first thing he noticed what that you and Shouji were injured, but that was also what you and he also noticed on Izuku.

“What the fuck Midoriya…? Your arms are fucked up even more…” Despite your cursing, there was nothing comical in your tone. And Shouji knew it as he commented on how his injuries were not normal at all.

But then you both quickly told him what was really going on at the moment, and how dire the situation was with Tokoyami as the three of you all saw him, engulfed by the power of his Dark Shadow.

“STAY AWAY… FROM ME…! YOU’LL DIE!!”

You furrowed your brows when you saw him like that, stuck, powerless and taking a backseat at the mercy of Dark Shadow. That quirk was that powerful without any light, and it honestly terrified you and had you scared for your friend…

“Tokoyami, no!”

As Izuku shouted for his friend, the three of you had to remain hidden so neither of you got turned into paste. You were shuddering as you stood behind Shouji, albeit also quietly fretting over how horribly injured Izuku was.

This was supposed to be fun… why was this all happening…?

You thought in horror until Shouji told Izuku how this happened and how Dark Shadow went berserk in accordance with Tokoyami’s anger, indignation and remorse altogether. It was both horrifying and fascinating how this kind of power exploded without any light as you could hear the shadow roar and smashing through trees and thick branches.

All it took was a small snap from a twig Shouji accidentally stepped on and WHOOSH, the shadow struck fast but your friend moved swiftly as you grabbed onto him to get away. The shadow became a beast, whatever sound was made, whatever move anything unfortunate enough to get in its way would be attacked, killed…

“FORGET ABOUT ME…! GO…! FIND OUR CLASSMATES… PROTECT THEM INSTEAD…!”

Tokoyami’s desperate shouting made your heart ache as he tried to made Dark Shadow to stop and begged him to calm dow, how could you just leave him like this? It didn’t feel right. No, this was wrong… you needed to go save Bakugou from getting taken by the villains but you couldn’t just leave him like this…

Wrong… it felt so wrong…

“If we can bring him to a fire back to camp…” You could hear some of Shouji’s words, but not all of them as you were both really scared and really worried that you almost didn’t hear what they were saying. But you knew what the plan was, after you explained to Izuku that you couldn’t do it because of the weak lighting not being enough to make a light strong enough...

Nonetheless, the three of you made a plan to save both Tokoyami and Bakugo. It was crazy as hell and possibly suicidal but at this point it was all the three of you had. Your wings would guide these two to camp, and also allow Dark Shadow to follow you.

Was it insane? Absolutely?

Were you reluctant to do this? Duh. It’s highly likely that you were going to die now. 

Were you doing this for Tokoyami? Hell yes…

“The things I do for love.”

You quietly groaned to yourself you glanced over at Izuku and Shouji, “If we die for Bakugou Midoriya I’m gonna kill you.”

As if to put SOME light on this situation you had to say at least SOMETHING kinda funny, which the boys noticed and gave you a weak chuckle before the three of started to move…

FAST…

As your wings lit up, this didn’t go unnoticed by Dark Shadow the second he saw light, something he hated the most and wanted to destroy…

“WORTHLESS LITTLE FIREFLY!!”

The shadow bellowed as soon as it saw your wings and he struck but you moved fast in terror, and you couldn’t see the horrified look on Tokoyami’s already distressed face as he struggled and shouted at the mercy of his shadow.

“NO! (L/N)! Get out of here!! What are you doing?! Fly away!!”

What were you doing? Couldn’t you see that he was dangerous? Run away (Y/N)! You’re going to get hurt!

And you were so afraid of that happening but you couldn’t stop now, you had to save Tokoyami and protect your friends and your classmates.

“We’re going to save you Tokoyami! It’s all right!!”

So you tried, you really tried to shout out to your friend in hopes that it could at least give him a little bit ease and it worked… but it wasn’t enough as Dark Shadow kept rampaging and destroying everything it it’s path as you shouted and had to dodge some of the flying debris.

“Leave me (L/N)!! Please!! Save yourselves!!”

“I’m not leaving you!!”

You shouted with tears in your eyes as soon as you saw the tears streaming down his face, you’ve never seen him cry before, let alone show this much emotion…

But you gasped and winched when a large branch nearly hit you and it urged you to fly away as fast as you could and followed Shouji holding Izuku. The moonlight was your only source of power now and you prayed that it didn’t fail you as you kept going, keeping an eye on your friends and glancing down to make sure Dark Shadow didn’t get them.

“YOU’RE IN THE WAY!!”

A vicious, furious roar reverberated through the air as your (E/C) eyes went wide and a rush of horror began to stream through your veins as you gasped when you saw the ginormous entity right behind you. He was so close that you could barely react on time.

“(L/N)!! Look out!!” Shouji and Izuku shouted when they looked back to see your flight slowing down when your nerves got the better of you.

“(L/N)!! GET AWAY!!”

You were so scared you didn’t hear Tokoyami’s desperate screams for you to fly, fly away far away from him until his pained and struggling shouts snapped you out of it.

Flapping through the cool air, he chased you and he wouldn’t stop... 

SLASH! SLASH!!

Sharpness cut through your flesh as you let out a sharp scream as your wings of light instantly vanished when the keen claw tore the skin on your back and across your abdomen you could feel gravity pushing you down. Consciousness beginning to slip as you didn’t even see Dark Shadow’s claw coming for you…

“DARK SHADOW STOP!! PLEASE DON’T!!”

You blinked slowly when you heard your friend’s voice but everything went black as soon as the claw back-handed you out of the sky and sent your body flying far away from your friends as they all screamed for you.

“(L/N)!!!”

But you couldn’t hear them anymore as you just felt yourself flying and whooshing through the air as you grunted and shouted with every branch you made contact with stabbing your body. Until finally your cut-up back and the back of your head made a hard, violent impact with the back of a dense tree trunk.

“AH…!”

Your eyes went wide as you blacked out entirely and fell back to the earth once more in a thicket, eyes closing shut as the pain clouded your being.

There was no light. 

Nothing at all, just a heavy shroud of darkness, dusty haze clouding your mind and the distant screams of your friends…

TO BE CONTINUED...

[bumble-lee3]

Not what it seems

Summary: semi- Ron Weasley x gender neutral!reader (it never really goes anywhere). When Ron goes to a muggle school to learn new things, he had no idea what to expect. He definitely didn’t expect y/n. A late entry for @can-youimagine ‘s Disney write-a-thon that I wrote instead of doing my drama assignment. Also, I don’t think I’ve ever written this many words for fun.

Word count: 1357

Warnings: kinda a rushed ending, nothing else I can think of

Prompt: And you’re watching Disney channel - something inspired by your favourite Disney channel show/movie (wizards of waverley place)

On Ronald Weasley’s first day at a muggle school, he was extremely uncomfortable. He was the new kid, he didn’t know anybody, he had gotten lost three times within the first hour, and most importantly, Ronald Weasley was not allowed to use magic. The thought of not being able to do any magic for fear of exposing the wizarding world was almost impossible to face after seeing people use magic every day of his life so far.

His one saving grace was being allowed, after much argument with his mother, to bring his wand with him on the condition that he hid it in his clothes.

Actually, scratch that, he had two saving graces. The other, though he would not know until just before lunch, was another student from one of his classes, something called ‘kalkulas’.

Y/n was undoubtedly the most notable student in the class, with an outlandish and eccentric style of clothing, jewellery that would practically blind anyone unlucky enough to be caught in the reflection of the harsh classroom lights, and a tendency to say whatever thought came to them no matter the audience or potential consequences.

The first instance of this barely registered to Ron. He was too consumed in trying to grasp any concepts more complex than simple multiplication and division (Hermione had helped him with the basics of math). Nevertheless, the professor - no, they’re just teachers in the muggle world- had made a mistake, and y/n had taken it upon themself to point it out and give the correct answer. No big deal, right? Right.

The real trouble came with the third instance of y/n’s tendency to disregard any boundaries of their peers (the second instance was y/n telling a girl in their class named Alex to stop gossiping with her friend). Ron definitely noticed this one. In fact, he wasn’t entirely sure that it was possible for anyone to not notice the moment that y/n pointed out (quite loudly mind you) his ineptitude for maths.

“How on earth did you manage to get that so wrong? I mean, I understand that it’s the first day back, but surely you haven’t forgotten your times’ tables!?” The seemingly shocked questions rang out through the quiet din of chatter that had filled the room, closely followed by muffled snickers from various students as they turned to look at Ron.

As he felt the heat creeping up past his shirt collar, Ron attempted to cover his work from view before turning to y/n and mumbling out an excuse. “I used to go to a school where math was an elective… I only know the basics.” Technically, he hadn’t told a lie. Arithmancy had always sounded boring compared to Care of Magical Creatures and the easy pass of Divination.

Quickly realising Ron’s embarrassment at being called out in front of the class, y/n moved their seat closer to his before replying in a hushed whisper.

“Really? That sounds so cool! But if you didn’t learn maths, what were you learning?”

“Umm, history… cooking,” brewing potions is kind of like cooking, right? “We learnt about caring for animals once we were old enough.” Finding muggle equivalents to Hogwarts classes wasn’t as hard as Ron had thought it would be.

“Oh wow, your old school sounds either really traditional or really modern and I can’t decide which. Either way, I wish I could do classes like that without having to do dumb stuff like calculus. Like, really when am I going to use this?!” Apologising to the surrounding classmates who were quite surprised at the sudden increase of volume, y/n continued questioning Ron. But this question didn’t have such an easy answer. “Which school did you go to?”

What to do, what to do. Ron had three options: lie completely and come up with a random school name (which could easily be disproven), tell the truth that he went to a school for wizards with a boy who saved the world (absolutely not), or give some vague answer that, while it may raise suspicion, would not break the Statute of Secrecy. Ron went with the latter.

“I went to a boarding school in Scotland. And, yeah, I guess you could say that we weren't the most ‘normal’ school, but it’s pretty fun living with all your mates for seven years, so I think that makes up for it.”

“Woah.” Y/n didn’t say anything for a few moments, just sat there contemplating something completely unknown to Ron. He was about to try and fill the silence before they piped up again. “I honestly don’t know how you survived bunking with a bunch of boys all going through puberty at the same time. That sounds like a nightmare.” Ron might have felt offended (hey, he was one of those pubescent boys) if it weren’t for the playful half-grin that y/n was giving him.

“I mean, yeah it was a little bit weird sometimes. I’ve never really thought about it that much before though.”

“Oh god, I have so many questions now. I sincerely hope you’re ready for this.” The grin had grown across y/n’s face, quickly spreading their excitement to Ron as well.

By the time calculus was over, the two were chatting like old friends. They had formed a new friendship, and neither could be happier to have someone else to spend their time with.

~~~

Ronald Weasley hadn’t meant for this to happen, it just did. Well, he hadn’t meant to be caught. But hopefully, it would be okay and y/n wouldn’t hate him. In fact, it might make their friendship even stronger.

Ronald Weasley had just broken the Statute of Secrecy by performing unnecessary magic in front of a muggle.

It was stupid, really. He was only trying to make y/n laugh. His plan was to make Mrs Moss drop the pile of papers she was holding - relashio is a relatively simple spell - without being noticed. Obviously, that last part hadn’t quite gone as planned. And now, Ron had to deal with the fallout.

Taking advantage of the laughing class and the shock that had taken over y/n, Ron quickly whispered that they could talk at the end of the lesson before turning back to his work and ignoring the feeling y/n’s stare burning into his face. The wait was excruciating. The two both spent the entire lesson with scenarios ranging from good to catastrophic racing through their minds.

Y/n was sure that they’d gone crazy. There was no way that plain, funny, awkward Ronald Weasley had made Mrs Moss drop those papers. Because magic didn’t - no, couldn’t - exist as far as y/n was aware. But then why had Ron been waving that stick around? And why had the papers only dropped after he said something? The only reasonable solution was that y/n had officially lost their mind.

But no, that’s not what happened at all according to Ron. But what he said didn’t really sound any more plausible than madness in the beginning.

When the conversation finally came, it was brief and full of disbelief. Ron had pulled y/n over to an empty hallway where he would risk his, and the entire magical world’s, safety with a single interaction; “I’m a wizard. The school I used to go to is a school for wizards, and I can do magic.” He wasn’t entirely sure why he spilt his biggest secret to a muggle he’d only known for a few weeks, but it felt safe. He trusted y/n.

“No. That- that can’t be true.” The shock and confusion across y/n’s face was as plain as day. There had to be another explanation. But what if there wasn’t.

Ron couldn’t bear the look he was being given, y/n had to believe him. “I swear, it is. Let me prove it.” His soft tone dropped to a whisper as a glowing silver Jack Russell Terrier burst forth from his wand, lighting up y/n’s now smiling and awestruck face.

“I believe you Ron. I have so many questions”

[kinetic-elaboration]

December 23: 1x29 Operation Annihilate!

I’m very tired but at least I’m done with work for the year! Now to...set about furiously writing because I’m behind on like 3 different events, including, most egregiously, Chopped. Woah well. Here are some thoughts on the FINAL EPISODE of TOS season 1.

This ep isn’t messing around with the drama. Very first scene involves chasing a ship that’s flying into the sun.

Sam! I have a lot of Kirk brother feels even though tbqh they’re entirely about a relationship made up in my head. Like, there’s not really a lot of canonical Kirk brothers content, in either TOS or AOS (okay, nothing in AOS...technically...) but in my head it’s like this whole Thing and I’m obsessed.

This is one of the most beautiful planets in the galaxy I guess? Looks a lot like generic California to me. Cool architecture though.

I think I missed the explanation of what this planet does lol.

Sam is a research biologist.

His wife has such a weird name that I sometimes think of her as an alien but I guess they are all human. Less interesting lol. She might become an alien in HAICG but probably not.

All the people are in their homes, hiding out. I know this is to save money on extras, and then in-universe I guess because people hide from that which scares them, even when that’s pointless, but all I could think was “they’re self-isolating.”

Kirk and co. go to Sam’s lab to find him, but his whole family is there... do they... live in the lab?

We finally meet Sam...and he’s already dead. So bitter about this.

I remember a specific close up of just Sam’s face where it’s super obvious it’s Shatner with a mustache but this seems subtler... has it been edited, or am I mis-remembering?

Spock doesn’t know what to say. Does he really “understand” lol? He wants to be comforting though.

Guess Aurelan calls him Sam too. Thought that was only Jim.

I remember someone on tumblr pointing out that Jim beams down to the top of the stairs just so he can walk down them dramatically and now I can’t unsee it.

I’ve also heard people make fun of the aliens but I legit think they are alien looking and scary and gross. “It’s not life as we know or understand it.”

Been a while since we saw Christine and here she is.

“Spock’s readings are strange... even for him, which is saying something!”

“If you can’t do this, get another nurse!” What other nurse lol? This whole ship has a medical staff of 2.

“His body’s full of tentacles.” That is legitimately disgusting.

This is a very bad day for Kirk.

Spock’s on the loose, we must catch him--oh how convenient, he is here on the bridge!

Must...pinch... Captain...

“I apologize for that mutiny attempt back there. We’re all good now.” And miraculously, he actually is.

I HAVE MY OWN WILL. LET ME HELP. Interesting phrase there!

The needs of the few do outweigh the needs of the many. He MUST save Spock. And his nephew.

Is Spock, uh, hypnotizing himself? I don’t know if I believe that Vulcans can just stop themselves from feeling any pain.

“I was confined to sick bay. I unconfined myself.” He is really determined to run this errand. This needs to be the attitude I take toward my errands.

Bad ass Scotty. “Captain, your space husband is trying to escape.”

Kirk is so in love. “Your logic, as usual, is inescapable.”

McCoy just wants his patients to stay put.

I love when McCoy just randomly examines people.

“Your affection for Spock.” That’s one way to put it.

I feel like it took them way too long to figure out that the sun produces light. “What are the properties of the sun?” / “It exists.” Starfleet’s finest minds, everyone.

These creatures are sort of...like vampires. In a way.

Cool specs. I want a pair of those (prescription).

“The best first officer in the Fleet!”

“I am also quite blind.” What a drama queen. He knew he was blind already, obviously, he just needed to bump into something and make a big production out of announcing it.

And then literally seconds after blinding Spock, the tests they were ALREADY RUNNING come back and they realize that they never needed to use the blinding light. Like... I appreciate the drama but omg you dumbasses. And you call yourselves men of science. It wasn’t even like they hadn’t thought to do the tests. They were doing them!

Jim’s mad now.

Ew, gross, disintegrating vampire creatures. Clean up is going to suck.

I feel McCoy’s grumpiness about the weird eye thing lol. Unexpected...optic nerve...thing. Except actually it’s the eyelid? Developed to respond to “the brightness of the Vulcan sun”? That Spock just FORGOT he had? Very suspicious. I suspect more manufactured drama.

Uhura’s really enjoying this banter.

YOU FORGOT ABOUT HIS VULCAN EARS.

This whole last scene is so good. If you’re going to go on hiatus for 6 months, this is the way to do it.

I legitimately love this episode. Yes, there were moments when Kirk and friends were kind of dumb: taking forever to think about light (not buying McCoy’s line about how “light isn’t harmful” because first of all, there are nocturnal creatures on Earth so the idea that a living being might not like the sun isn’t weird, and second, even if it WERE weird, these are ALIENS so--think more broadly!); and being so quick to test out the light on Spock (while the results from the first test were still ongoing!) but I’ll forgive them that. Everyone has blind spots. Even very smart people can get caught up and not think about stuff that seems obvious as soon as they realize it. Plus, with the tests on Spock in particular, I can see how the urgency of the situation, the excitement of coming up with a potential solution, Spock’s desire to be free of the pain and also to be Dramatic again, and Kirk’s general commanding presence, might have all combined to lead them to jump the gun.

Also they totally forgot about Peter by the end lol. I mean we assume he got the same light treatment that Spock and the planet did but he’s also an orphan so...where does he go lol?

But other than that, pretty perfect episode! Got some good K/S moments. Some Kirk family stuff, even if it’s not a big element and also probably superfluous given that Spock being injured gives Kirk exactly the same personal stake as a family member being injured does. GREAT alien: I’m always here for any ep that can reasonably sneak in an “it’s not life as we know it” line. I like that they’re one giant organism, but spread out over a great distance; they’re using people for their bodies, to build ships and basically be their colonizers for them; they infect people in a gross and scary way; they’re defeated in an unusual manner. Basically, a great combination of Alien, as in unusual, and frightening.

And it’s a PERFECT triumvirate episode. A lot of focus on all three, and on their strengths. A philosophical problem that puts the difference between Spock (we must destroy the comparatively few to protect the many) and McCoy (we cannot kill that many people for any reason) into stark contrast, and then sets up Kirk as the fulcrum between them (we’re not killing anyone, now or later, just find my a solution--that great combo of optimistic and commanding). Kirk gets a special spotlight appropriate for him as Captain: he has to make these big decisions that could lead to a million deaths, while also thinking about the people important to him. Spock gets a spotlight that emphasizes his Vulcan nature. Mccoy gets a spotlight that emphasizes his role as doctor. They all get to interact together in a way that shows their real affection for each other. There are great moments like them all squashed in the doorway, or when Spock is blinded and Mccoy has to hold Kirk back from helping him TOO much. The banter at the end is easily among the top end-scene bridge dialogues of the season. And it’s a good note to end on because it sets up the importance of the triumvirate going to S2.

I am not going to take a 6 month hiatus lol. Next time, probably next week, not really sure, is Amok Time! Truly a wild choice to start out the season.

[amwritingmeta]

15x01: Belphegor, Spells and Symbology - Oh My!

So, my chickadees, we’re one TFW 2.0 member short. Yeah, such a bummer, right? The kid who’s so damnnn symbolic of change overall has bit the big one (courtesy of granddad) (like what?!) and is now in the big black Emptiness in the sky where all angels go when they bite it. (but what is the Empty symbolic of though?) (yessss indeed) (the unconscious where all self-liberation commences)

Okay, Jack be gone, but in his stead we now have this new kid on the block, yeah, and this new kid on the block is taking the place of the linchpin for Team Free Will’s push towards self-actualisation and it’s no wonder, then, that this new kid on the block is a speaker of truth! See what I’m getting at here?

Basically it’s just that Alexander Calvert - darling and dearling - is still playing a character pushing our boys towards Good Positive Change. Or so I believe. I mean, obviously we shall see, but the setup of Belphegor isn’t saying anything else. 

Oh, he can’t be trusted. Absolutely not. Night and day to Jack in that regard. Or, perhaps, I might go so far as to say that he’s Jack’s shadow manifested. *shrug* But that doesn’t change the fact that he’s Speaking Truths That No One Else Is Speaking. 

Man! Still not off the high from that episode, swear to God I would french Andrew Dabb in a heartbeat.

Okay, reeling it in.

So, three things -->

Thing the First: Truths

He calls Cas an abomination in that stupid, dumb trench coat. This goes to the very core of Cas’ internal struggle with his identity, so this calling out of it, threading back through Cas’ journey, feels weighty af. 

He speaks candidly of having worshipped a giant rock shaped like a penis as a human and is, unabashedly, checking out men and women alike (shouldn’t actually ascribe bisexual as his choice sexuality but he is clearly not straight), and then he subtly flirts with Dean, which skeeves Dean out since Jack was kinda his kid, so yeah, stop that immediately, Belphegor. (but hey if he jumps vessel then all bets are off) (just saying) 

*rubs hands together because oh my god I really want there to be textual flirtation that doesn’t go anywhere obviously because Belphegor is already picking up on the tension between two certain someones*

Belphegor also brings up Hell and Alastair and Dean breaking and torturing souls! Like what?!! The callbacks to end all callbacks. To the beginning of it ALL. Like, yeah, we’re in the final stretch here and Dabb is not kidding around.

And yes, Belphegor calls the moment Dean and Cas share at the end of the episode what it is, which is awkward, and then tries to prod Cas to talk about it. Albeit ironically (of course Cas won’t open up to him) he’s still doing it because he just doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him and this is precisely the sort of character these two need to poke and prod at their inability to fucking communicate openly.

Hot damn! 

But. We shall see what we get. :P

It’s interesting that he barely interacts with Sam. Sam is his own man this episode in very many ways and I very much like it. 

Thing the Second: Spells

Graveyard Dirt and Angel Blood

Naturally most of us, I’m sure, immediately thought of the “I’m always happy to bleed for the Winchesters” moment in S7. Here, Cas isn’t so happy. He’s suspicious, and rightly so, of this new player on the scene. Still, he complies.

Now, there are things to take from this scene that have to do with life vs death, mortality vs immortality or even Earth vs (or if you’d rather) combined with Heaven. 

Cas’ strong reaction to Belphegor defiling Jack and Belphegor predominantly having a personal interaction with Cas through calling out the trench coat (symbolic of duty/humanity and at this point that space Cas occupies between) puts the focus on them here. Add to that the need of angel blood and it’s even more heavily linked to Cas symbolically, right?

What exactly does the symbology mean? Honestly, beats me. It feels like a foreshadowing that won’t be clear to us until further down the line (hopefully), but it excites me to think that for a character who has battled for his entire progression with the question of where he belongs, we get a spell that literally combines dirt or earth with the blood of Heaven.

Does that mean that there’s a choice to be made - mortal man or immortal wavelength? - or does it mean that Cas is already a bit of both and just has to accept himself as he is and continue on wearing that stupid, dumb trench coat proudly, the same way he has for a good while now, eh? 

Well, that is the real question, isn’t it?

But then again, I’m a bit biased. :)

Mound of Salt and Human Heart

This one’s very interesting as it’s tied more directly to both Dean and Sam. Cas is a part of it too, as he’s with Sam when the spell is cast and they run for the safety of it together, but Sam is the one most affected by it, and I’m curious to see what effect it will have on Dean as well. 

Why?

Because what does salt mean on this show?

It means protection. The spell is, literally, a protection spell, right? A magic ring of salt a mile wide - no ghosts in and no ghosts out. For characters who have always been incredibly haunted by their past, though in subtext, the external hauntings are being salt-circled away from them, while the human heart of the spell could symbolise the brothers’ hearts actually entering a safe space as well.

Again, why?

Because of what Sam does the moment he passes the perimeters of the spell.

He turns around and he faces a fear that has been very pronounced on the show - his fear of clowns (or, as I’d argue, his fear of people wearing masks, not showing their true face) - and he tells that fear to shut up.

Mind. So. Blown.

What a moment for him! *goddamn fist-pumping the air for him*

The heart is at the centre here, and the heart symbology has always been extremely strong with Dean, but in 13x12 it was Sam’s heart on the line and now both of them are linked to the beating heart on that mound of salt linked to a sense of safety, of protection, of trust. The potential, peeps. The potential of a deeper exploration of what the want in their heart of hearts. Yeah? 

Not just in the coming few episodes within that mile wide magical ring of protective salt, because Lord knows how long that’ll last, but through the symbology of it. I mean, what a way to instil hope that this is what they’ll all be pushed to explore during the coming season. *fingers crossed*

Thing the Third: Motivation

Or possible motivation for Belphegor. 

Given his speech in the crypt about wanting Hell to stay as it always has, it’s intriguing that he’s an opposite mirror of Anael. She had a boring, repetitive job and she couldn’t wait to get out of Heaven. She chose to make a life for herself on Earth because she actually wanted to help people (if that statement sticks) (I’d love for her to come back this season and then all bets are off) while Belphegor wants to help the Winchesters restore Hell to its recent glories so that he can go back to punching that clock. And, you know, torturing souls.

Too simple?

Yeah, maybe. 

Of course he knows who the brothers are (love that there are newspapers in Hell) and this feels like a possible plant for him actually seeking them out specifically. Might not be, but it’s an interesting plant if so. Because of how Lucifer tried to make Nick resurrect him, for one, but also because of the Heaven/Hell dichotomy overall and who’s vying for what and who’s on the side of whom. *curious af*

Here we finally have a character who might have some personal stakes in driving a wedge between these men, and what better way to drive a wedge than to dredge out truths no one’s speaking, thinking it’ll break them apart when we know it’ll actually only serve to open their eyes to their own blindness and will end up making them stronger, individually and, through that, as a group.

*gah*

Could Belphegor not be Belphegor? 

Yeah, but I don’t see why he would be. 

I think he’s Belphegor the demon, but his stated motivations might just be a half-truth. Perhaps he’s even linked to Michael. darkest!Michael would be something tbh. After all, Michael was always, even if God held the ultimate reins, the shadow along the edges of the brothers’ fate. And after a few lifetimes in that cage, I do wonder exactly what might emerge. *goosebumps* 

That said, Michael is a pale representative for toxic masculinity when the Almighty himself has stepped into those shoes, so symbolically it might be more fitting that we get something entirely different. Time will tell!

[cloudyjoongie]

the tale of the man who carried his broken heart (Song Mingi Imagine)

Song Mingi, for years till his memory could recall in the earliest age, has been the best of friends with her for so long.

And for so long, Mingi fell deep in love with her. The world saw her as sophisticated, optimistic, the ideal girlfriend; she has always been that girl. But with Mingi, to him, she was goofy, wierd in her cutest ways, a mess, vulnerable, and somewhere beyond her understanding that only Mingi was able to clearly see, she was confused and weak.

She has gotten herself in relationships that have left her like a shattered porcelain. She has seen the potential of the men that come into her life as a threat to her heart. What was wrong with looking for a place of her own from a loved one who also willingly submitted to her too? Wrong? No.

She was just to blind to realize that her bestfriend had his heart open wide just for her. She was hurting.

But Mingi was hurting even more to see her running towards him, her tears falling rapidly like waterfalls for a man who only wanted her for his satisfaction. And that night, he took her in, taking care of her gently as he lays her next to hime, hoping to lull the sadness away as he laid in silence next to her.

"Am I not worth it?" She asked. Mingi combs her hair with his veiny hands.

"No. You just happened to love the wrong person." He says, his chest crumbling from within. And slowly, her eyes started to fall and when Mingi was satisfied that she has fallen victim to her dreams, he starts to cry.

"Why can't you see that I can give you the love they can't? You're just as dumb and stupid as ever." He curses silently as he kisses her forehead.

"I love you even if it hurts." There, he stayed the whole night for as long as he could remember, eyes trailing the features on her face until he himself has fallen in a deep slumber.

Weeks have gone by, Mingi and her have been hanging out just like the old days. Video games, books, exchanging playlists over chocolates and popcorn late at night. She has completely forgotten about her heartache and has finally healed.

Mingi was ready to confess. And so that night, Mingi had brought a bouquet of flowers as he waited at their meeting place by the park, anxious of the words he anticipated to say, fearful that he might stumble at mid conversation. He was nervous and excited. His heart was happy.

At least at that very moment, he was happy.

To his surprise, she came. But that was not what shocked him. She was with a man, as tall as he was and by the looks of him, he looks well polished, a more enhanced man than the others that she has been with. The way she clung to his arm only reminded Mingi that she was content and happy.

She introduces him to Mingi and unlike the past men she has introduces to him, he did not give him the cold shoulder but a more enthusiastic attitude. An attitude that even Mingi saw that his bestfriend deserves. He smiled at the couple but his heart was completely broken. He stood there, speechless, unable to comprehend the situation that he was presented. Was there a word to describe a heartbreak that one could appreciate? Is there a word for holding on to choked up emotions that forced you to be happy? The kind of happiness that you won't ever get, but choose to see in the eyes of a loved one who belonged to another? Is there a word for that?

And if so, Mingi would have used it to fill up every empty spaces that used to only fill up with the thoughts of her. He would've written them down till every ink on his pens have run out, just until his heart was tired of her. But that's the thing.

He will never be tired of her. His love, after the many heartbreaks she has endured and Mingi has witnessed, she has finally found the one. He was just a bestfriend. Just that.

And right then and there, the bouquet has floated in the river as it slowly whisked away to the horizon while Mingi, too, has carried his brokenheart, still hoping to fix the pieces by himself that used to only be in complete shape just for her.

-----------------------

So uhmmm, that was heartbreaking omg I am sorry. I know that I have only had a few readers and to those who have read my past works, i want to thank you so much and I want to create more of writing just like this. If you do not know by now, my writing style is much more 'nocturnal and heartbreak' sort of type. I write like this to resonate my mood.

If you have any suggestions on what you might want to see next, pls do so, I would love to hear from everyone (except smut, I only do light ones). Other than that, I hope you enjoyed this!

I wrote this to commemorate my longing for Song Mingi. I miss him a lot and I hope he gets well soon.

[glassbangtan]

pick pocketing the crown jewels {Park Jimin x Reader}

Words: 10.5k

Summary: You break the law every single day just to stay alive. Somehow, Jimin - the prince - sees potential in this little personality trait of yours.

Genre: angst - prince!au 

Warnings: lil bit of blood

Notes: masterlist - buy me a coffee! 

---

It never failed to amuse you how easily the nobles were tricked.

   Nobles weren't intelligent. They had money, had power, and that was all they cared about. They took little to no care in their own education, because when you had it all handed to you, what was the point? They didn't need qualifications to get where they wanted to be – they stepped into it with ease.

   It was people like you that were intelligent, because you had to be. Give you a maths problem and you would struggle through it, but you knew things much more useful than that. Give you a coin purse, hidden deep within the pockets of a higher up, and it would be in your hands in seconds with nobody any the wiser.

   That was where your skill sets came in, how you survived. You knew people. You knew how they worked, how they thought, what their goals were even if you'd never spoken to them in your life. You would spot a noblemen walking through the streets with his head down and his collar up and you would trail after him until the coast was clear; then you'd sidle up to the side of him, your own head down and your fingers sneaky. Whatever goods he had on his person at the time would be in your hand in seconds.

    You followed the royal carriage this morning, your hood pulled on over your head. The festival was beginning in a few minutes, and the royal family were not keen on being tardy; that would make a bad impression. Despite the years upon years of the Park family being on the throne, they still thought it necessary to make an effort in pleasing the people who clearly adored them.

    You were not one of those people.

   They were just another set of rich people in your eyes, a few more pockets to loot, a bit more coin to pinch. This festival would be the perfect time to get your fingers around a prize – the crowd would be massive, and you would sink in much quicker than you would on any normal day.

    You walked through the gates of the festival and waited for the carriage to pull up. The crowd cheered in excitement, the sight of their beloved royal family sparking a great amount of joy within the citizens. You stood in the corner, eyeing the carriage as it rolled to a stop. Your fingers itched with the need to reach out and snatch the crystals off the side of it – what a waste of fine jewels. They had all this at their disposal, and they chose to pin it to a moving death trap.

   Some people deserved the fate you offered them.

   The king and queen stepped out of the carriage first, as they always did; try as they might to deny it, they were not the main stars of the show. They left Jimin in the cart, saving the best till last, because they weren't entirely stupid. The reaction their son got compared to the reaction they got spoke volumes.

   The two royals waved, grinning from ear to ear before they started shaking hands and greeting their loyal subjects. You had half a mind to step forward and offer your own hand in greeting, just for a little bit of risk; it was always such a thrill speaking to the person you were about to rob blind. It made the job that much more exciting.

   Jimin was next. You watched with baited breath as the carriage door was pulled open and the prince stepped out, regal as ever in his dark green suit, black hair slicked back and styled to perfection. His plump lips were set in a manufactured smile, his wave orchestrated. The crowd went wild. They really could not see just how uncomfortable he was; maybe it was because you'd spent the majority of your life analysing people, picking up on the little tells everyone else ignored. Maybe that was the reason you could tell just how badly Jimin wanted to duck back into his carriage and leave.

    He started greeting his subjects, and you set off.

   You wanted this to be quick, needed to get to them before the crowd really did swallow them up. It was always more difficult aiming for a moving target, so you needed to get there before they started investigating the stalls lined up along the street.

   You pushed through the crowd, shouldering people out the way before you were finally by Jimin's side. He smelled of flowers. It made you scowl.

    He was distracted when you reached your hand into his pocket and tugged.

  On nothingness.

    Okay. This was fine. You could come back from this – everything was fine. Time was quickly dwindling, but Jimin was still distracted and the crowd didn't seem bothered by your presence; you were going to be okay.

   You slipped your hand from his blazer and tried his other pocket. You tugged on the fabric.

   Empty.

   Jimin stiffened at the side of you. You were quick to slip your hand away, drop it back to your side and start down the street before he could pinpoint who it was feeling inside his clothes – you cursed yourself the entire way to the nearest alley, where you slumped against the wall and yelled into your palms.

   Fuck it. Fuck everything!

   You had such high hopes coming into this. You were so confident, to the point where you hadn't even bothered saving up for food for the next week. You thought you would be coming home with one of your biggest wins yet, but now you sat in an alleyway, hoping and praying that Jimin hadn't noticed your presence beside him.

     It had been a risk from the very beginning, and you'd known that. But you were meant to be good at this. Royals weren't meant to be dumb, completely oblivious to what was happening around them; so how had you failed this time?

   You slumped down against the wall, nuzzling into the shadows in any attempt to hide from the chattering passers-by. The festival was in full swing now, but you had no interest in the goods they were selling. You would be stupid to stay around these parts for much longer, but you had nowhere to go without turning back and going the way you came – and then you'd have to face Jimin all over again. If he'd seen your face...

   You stayed in the alleyway for a few more minutes, pondering over what to do. No option was good. You'd ruined it, risked it all and lost the prize at the end of the day. You would have to pay the consequences.

    It was the sound of feet echoing against the wall that startled you out of your cloud of self-pity. You looked up, reaching round to your belt where the silver knife was hidden beneath your cloak. Your fingers trembled. Your mind sped up, feet scraping against the concrete as you slowly rose to stand, making sure to stay close to the shadows in fear of peering eyes.

    He rounded the corner.

   It was in one fluid motion. He was panting as if he'd ran a mile, but as soon as he turned the corner into the alleyway, he slammed his back against the wall, flicked his head towards you and said, “Please don't make any noise.”

   “Prince Jimin?”

  You cursed yourself. You should have kept quiet.

  He nodded, though his attention didn't seem to be on you at the minute. He peeked his head round the side of the wall and grumbled.

  You tightened your grip on your knife. “Who are you hiding from?”

   “My guards.”

  You frowned. “Your guards?”

  He waved a dismissive hand in your direction, silencing you instantly. He had a cute face, soft features and a grin that could win anyone over, but he was still a royal. He had some kind of power with making people shut up.

  You watched him bounce anxiously from foot to foot. Before long, he let out a long breath and slumped against the wall, pressing a hand to his collarbone. His eyes fluttered closed, long lashes brushing against his slightly rounded cheeks.

  You tilted your head to the side. “All better?”

  He creaked open an eye and glanced at you. “Much better, thank you.”

   “What are you doing here, Prince Jimin? Isn't this festival being held in your families honour?”

  “None of us asked for it. Especially not me.” He straightened up, fixing his dark green blazer, running a hand through his hair. You nearly rolled your eyes; there you were, standing in a robe and some old riding gear that you'd stolen off a corpse one day, and he was fussing over getting his expensive silk blazer dirty.

  He turned to you and bowed. The action startled you. “I'm glad I was able to find you again.”

  You blinked. “What?”

   “You ran off before I could say anything to you.” He shrugged. “Not like I blame you, to be quite honest. I would also run if my target caught me trying to pick his pockets.”

   Your heart plummeted; so you had been caught.

  A smile rose on the prince's face. “You know, I'm surprised at your brashness. You went in for a second look after coming up empty the first time.”

   “I don't like to give up too easily, Your Highness.”

   Jimin hummed, folding his arms over his chest. He was regarding you with a raised brow, that god forsaken smirk still prominent on his face; you wanted to slap it off him, wanted to get your knife out and scare him until he realised that you were not the right person to be teasing.

  But you didn't move.

  “You could have just called the guards on me, you know,” you said. “We could have avoided this little meeting if you didn't have such an independent streak built into you.”

    “I don't want you arrested,” he replied.

  You raised a brow. “No?”

    “No.” He grew awkward then, glancing over his shoulder once more before taking a single step towards you.

  You pulled your knife from your belt. Jimin faltered, but he did not run as you expected him to. He simply held up a hand, a timid little sign of surrender, and stepped towards you again.

  “I've seen you fighting,” he said. “I've watched you on the streets, heard all about you.”

  “Then you'll know how many men I've killed.”

   “Oh, I know. I know everything.” He glanced at the knife. “I want you to teach me.”

    For a second, you were certain you had misheard. That was the only logical thing you could think of, because there was surely no way in hell Prince Park Jimin was approaching you, in the middle of a dark alleyway, to ask for your assistance in combat.

   Jimin awkwardly smiled at your silence, looking down at the floor. “I can explain-”

  You jumped towards him, grabbed the lapels of his blazer and tugged him forward. He cried out, but the sound was muffled by your other hand slamming against his mouth; you felt his lip split beneath your palm, felt the blood trickle down your wrist and drip onto the floor.

  “How many guards have you got on them rooftops, Your Highness?” you hissed in his ear. “Call them off or I'll do more than bust your lip open.”

  He groaned against your palm. Your hand fell to the side, though you kept his lapels tangled in your fingers.

    “There are no guards,” he said. “God, you have some grip on you-”

You shoved him away. He stumbled, falling on his backside. “Shut up. You're trying to waste my time.”

  “I'm asking for a favour. You could have easily said no if it's not something you're interested in, though I suggest you wait to hear the rewards before you make your decision.”

   You narrowed your eyes; he looked serious. There was not a single spark of amusement in his tone, and he still wasn't running away. Your threats had been clear, laid out for him to decide what he wanted to do to avoid them, and yet he remained in your presence.

  You watched as he stood up and dusted off his clothes, grunting at the scrapes now indented into his hands. Part of you had the gall to feel bad; you quickly banished that part to the sidelines, continuing to stare at him with narrowed eyes.

  He caught your gaze and sighed exasperatedly. “I'll get you a room in one of the finest inn's in the city. I will pay you for your services. I will even smuggle out the weaponry you want to use – anything of your choosing. This isn't just a one-sided deal.”

  “And the king and queen are okay with this? They think it's a mighty fine idea for their son to just throw himself at the nearest thug for combat training?”

  Jimin's small smile fell, revealing the truth.

  Your eyes widened. “They don't know?”

  “They would never agree to it,” he said.

  “I can't say I blame them.”

  “They've hired a swordsmen from the northern dominances, but he's not good enough. He goes easy on me, and I'm learning nothing.” Jimin's eyes met yours. “I need someone who knows what they're doing, who isn't afraid to give their prince a few bruises.”

  “So you went out looking for me?”

  Jimin shrugged. “I was hoping to find you at some point. It was only luck that you came to me first.”

  You scowled, tucking your knife back into your belt. “If your parents find out about this, I'll be executed. You know that, don't you?”

  “They won't find out,” he said. “I have this planned out very nicely. You're going to be fine.”

  It wasn't a promise. He could smile and use his charm, but you knew the words were not a promise because you knew how the law worked; he would have no say in whatever decision his parents made when it came to the life of a convict. If they ended up finding out the truth, you would be dead within the fortnight, and Jimin would be able to do absolutely nothing to stop it.

    But the riches. The room. The weaponry; those had been promises he could keep, and things you craved most ravenously. You looked him in the eyes, tracing the gorgeous chestnut brown of his irises, and he stared right back at you.

  He looked determined.

   He looked ready.

   He looked serious. This was not going to be a joke to him.

  You inhaled steadily, shaking your head. “Whatever makes you happy, Your Highness.”

  ---

  Jimin arrived at the door of the inn a few days later, requesting you by name.

  You leaned against the door frame of your brand new room – a room Jimin was secretly paying for – and watched the prince as he tugged on the tight fitting black shirt you'd given him. He had arrived at the inn wearing some floral patterned blazer, shoes that were not scuffed and trousers that looked freshly ironed; you'd laughed in his face before dragging him upstairs and demanding he change into something a little more appropriate.

  “Has this ever been washed?” he asked.

  “Definitely not by me.”

  Jimin shivered and turned back to you. He nodded towards the swords he brought; made of iron, shining even in the dull yellow light of the inn. “Shall we start?”

  “I want to see how you hold a sword first,” you replied, grabbing one of the swords and tossing it at him. He flinched, and the weapon dropped to the floor.

  Jimin smiled sheepishly.

  You rolled your eyes, kicked it up and caught it. You passed it to him, making sure to bow dramatically before stepping away from him.

  “I've got this, you know,” he said. “I know how to at least hold a sword.”

  You waved a hand, gesturing for him to stop talking and show you.

  He did so, and you had to admit that the stance was pretty well formed. His back was straight, his shoulders pulled away from his ears, his chest out, his feet apart; he looked like he had potential. However, his hand trembled a little bit, the weight of the weapon clearly something he would have to get used to.

  You nodded, circling him critically. “Very nice, Jimin. Very nice indeed.”

  “Yeah?”

  “You're not entirely a lost cause.”

  “Oh good.” He broke free of the stance, turned to look at you. “So can we start?”

  “You're very eager to go against your parents, aren't you?”

  “I'm eager to learn,” he corrected. “How am I meant to be king one day if I can't even lead my men into battle?”

  “Your father doesn't go into battle. He leaves that to the soldiers.”

   Jimin shrugged. “I don't want to be like that.”

   You left it there; already the conversation was sinking into territory you did not want to touch on. And so, you grabbed your own sword and led Jimin into the back courtyard of the inn. The grass would make dodging a little bit more difficult, but would soften any falls Jimin may take during his time of getting used to the weight of his sword.

   You started out slow, showing him the basic manoeuvrers and dodging tactics that you had learned when you were nothing more than a beginner; you were much smaller than Jimin when you were just starting out, but that didn't seem to matter.

  You were surprised to see how lithe he was on his feet, moving from one step to the other with the gracefulness similar to that of a cat getting ready to launch itself at prey. He was grinning the entire time, giddy with adrenaline.

  “Calm down,” you said when he stepped towards you and took a swing. It clashed off your sword easily, but he still seemed proud of himself when he hopped back.

  “This is so much fun,” he said.

  “It's not meant to be fun. You'll be using these moves to kill people.”

   His smile faded. He awkwardly coughed and nodded. “Right. You're right.”

  “I am. Which is why you should listen to me.” You pointed to a spot in the grass. “Stand there and turn around.”

   He frowned, but did as you said. With his back to you, it would be easy enough to just spark him through the throat, steal his goods and flee; the pick pocket in you thought that was a most reasonable idea. However, Jimin had proven himself to be serious about this whole thing, and you found yourself wanting to teach him, wanting to help him become the best he could be.

  It was sickening, but you decided not to question it.

  “What are you going to do?” he asked.

  “We're gonna work on your awareness,” you replied. “I'm going to sneak up behind you, and you have to turn around before I touch you – the closer I am without touching you, the more points you get.”

  Jimin shifted from one foot to the other. “Alright.”

  You started towards him, making sure to step on the odd branch here and there, just to give him the tiniest bit of help. He stiffened, messing with the hilt of his sword, counting under his breath-

  Your hand shot out. Jimin span round, snatching at your wrist just seconds before you could slap him across the head.

    You grinned, nodding. “Good! A bit too close, but you did well!”

   Jimin smiled back. “You're very light on your feet. Who taught you that?”

  You pulled back, tucking your hand into your pockets. “Nobody. A life time on the streets just does it naturally.”

   Jimin's smile faded; you pretended not to notice, instead turning on your heel and making your way back to the sword you'd discarded in the grass. “You did a good job today, Your Highness. We can pick up where we left off tomorrow.” You glanced over your shoulder. “Make sure to get plenty of sleep, and rest that wrist up. It'll get easier with time, but you can't put too much strain on it this early on in training.”

  ----

   Jimin's heart thundered.

  This was bad. Very bad.

  He wasn't meant to get this involved. A few lessons, something to help him land on his feet – that was all he'd been asking for in the beginning. He was a prince, soon to be the king. All he wanted was a bit of experience so as to not seem like such a let down to the people who already saw him as nothing more than a cute face and someone to dote over.

  Searching for you seemed like the best option, and he would not deny that you had the experience he was looking for; a few years locked in some training grounds was nothing in comparison to a lifetime on the streets, and you were a direct example of this. He'd taken one look at you, your hand slipping from his pocket, and he knew that the rumours he'd heard were spoken with truth.

  You really were dangerous.

  But there was a different side to you that Jimin hated to ponder on, because it was this very side of you that was making him question everything. You weren't meant to smile that like. You weren't meant to compliment him. You weren't meant to be so optimistic about his training.

  You weren't supposed to be the only one in his life who believed he could do this.

  He grumbled, ducking his head into his hands. He sat shirtless by the edge of his bath, it having been filled with soap suds and warm water by the servants only a few minutes prior; he'd requested it himself, needing to soak away the urge to just turn on his heel and go back to the inn he'd had you set up in. You were like a damn magnet. Your personality was just. . . appealing.

  He dipped his hands in the water and rubbed his palms into his cheeks. His wrist ached with the movement. It was a good pain, though – it showed progress.

  “Jimin?”

   The voice of his mother pierced the moment. He stood up, very nearly knocking over the stool he'd been sat on. He quickly caught it, turned towards the door moments before it creaked open and the queen was stood before him.

  Her eyes narrowed. “Are you going to bathe or not?”

  “Sorry,” he said, the word being more routine than anything else. “I was just – uh-”

  “Is that a bruise on your ribcage?”

  The queen reached forward. Jimin lurched away from her fingertips, pressing a hand over the spot he knew she was looking at; it was just below his chest, wrapping round his torso. You'd hit him a little bit harder than anticipated, had apologised for it. Jimin told you it was fine, because in the moment, it really was. It was an experience, something he would have to get used to if he wanted to be a successful leader one day.

  But now his mother was staring at it, brown eyes wide with horror.

  “Who did this to you, Jimin?” she asked.

  “Nobody,” he replied. “Mother, nobody did anything to me. I just hit it off the side of my wardrobe this morning. That's all.”

   Her mouth twitched into a frown. “That's a very big bruise for something so simple.”

  “It was a big collision.” Jimin ran his hands through his hair, tousled and soaked in sweat. “Are you planning on staying long? I need to get washed up before bed.”

  The queen clearly did not believe him; Jimin didn't blame her. He'd never been a very good liar, but the idea of throwing you into trouble was enough to make him at least try.

  She inhaled deeply, flicked her gaze to his damaged ribs once more before she turned on her heel and fled the bathroom. Jimin closed the door, locked it tight and slumped back down on the stool. He watched the water shift back and forth in the tub, fingers idly stroking along it's surface. He thought of you, that grin that won him over from the very moment he laid eyes upon it – and he cursed himself.

  You were too much of a risk.

  But he wasn't sure if that was a bad thing any more.

  ---

  “Risk is good.”

   You tapped his side with your wooden sword. Jimin frowned, watching you.

  You jumped from one foot to the other and bounded backwards, spreading your arms out. “You have to take the risk to get the prize, Jimin. That's the first rule of pick pocketing.”

   “I'm not here to learn how to pick people's pockets.”

  You waved a dismissive hand. “Same rules apply. If you're afraid of hurting me, then we're gonna get nowhere.” You raised a brow. “How's that ribcage of yours doing, by the way?”

  “It's healing up well.” Jimin ran an idle hand along the area in question, wincing at the tenderness. You paused, analysing the expression on his face.

  “You sure about that?”

  “It's fine,” he insisted, raising his sword. “It's also not the reason I'm here.”

  “Right. You wanna get big and strong. I forgot.”

  “Don't say it like that. You make me sound like a child.”

  “You're acting like a child – strike first, Your Highness, or I'll take your kneecaps.”

  Jimin grinned, finally taking the initiative to step forward and swing.

  The two of you had been meeting up for a number of weeks now, hidden beneath the cover of trees and back alleys. Already Jimin was getting better, despite his hesitance when it came to making the first move. His body was beginning to harden, and slowly, you started letting yourself strike at him a little more harshly, a little more suddenly – more bruises for him to cover, but more experience for him to learn from.

  He called it a dance. The twisting of bodies, clashing of swords, the feather light steps you always made him do – he thought it was some kind of jig. He would laugh as he did it, and at the end of the day, he would shake your hand and say, “Good dancing today,” and you would roll your eyes and tell him to grow up.

  But in truth, you liked that term. It was a lot better than battle, which was all this was really for. No amount of friendly pseudonym's would change what this really was.

  Jimin managed to smack you on the shoulder. His eyes widened when the sword made contact, and you humoured him by dropping your own weapon and falling to your knees, gripping the struck area.

  Jimin rushed to your side. “Shit, did that actually hurt? I was trying to be gentle-”

  You whirled up, pushing him away. “Aha! So you admit it!”

   Eyes wide, he held his hands up in surrender. “What are you on about? Are you hurt?”

  “Of course I'm not hurt,” you spat, waving your arm as proof. “I told you not to go easy on me, Park. We're three weeks in and you're still scared to actually hit someone.”

  Jimin frowned, dropping his hands to his side. “I'm not scared of hitting people.”

  “You had me fooled.”

  “Look, is it such a bad thing that I don't want to hurt people?”

  “When you're gearing up for battle, yes.” You sighed. “You're too soft, Jimin. How do you expect to go to war and win if you're scared of hurting your opponent?”

  “I'm not scared of hurting my opponent,” he grumbled. “I'm scared of hurting you.”

  You paused, tilting your head to the side.

  Jimin looked up, noticed your confused expression and immediately his own eyes widened. He stumbled over his words, trying to correct himself before you got the wrong idea.

  “Because you're tough! You've done this kind of thing before, you know? I haven't. I don't want to – like – make you angry and then-”

   You raised a hand, silencing him. He snapped his mouth shut, making you feel oddly powerful; here he was, prince of the entire dominance, and yet he quietened at the raise of your hand.

  What an odd turn of events.

  “I understand,” you said. “But that isn't something you need to worry about. I'm made of tougher stuff than you seem to think.”

  “I suppose.”

  You spread your arms out. “So go. Hit me. Take a swing. Prove to me that my time hasn't been wasted these past three weeks.”

  And so, the real training began.

  Jimin was still hesitant. You could feel the pull of his sword when it whacked against your body, the way he didn't put all of his strength into it. Still, his dodging was getting a lot better, and his forever graceful footsteps were helping him out a lot when it came to getting around you. His improvements were coming along nicely, and throughout the training session, you couldn't help but smile.

  Never before had you imagined yourself in this situation. Prince Park Jimin, coming to you for help. For years, you'd chastised him and his family for having it all whilst you and people like you were forced to rot and beg on the streets of the very country they were supposed to help see thrive. A part of you still held that hatred, though it faded at a worrying pace with the time you were spending with the prince; he wasn't all that bad.

  In fact, he wasn't anything like how you'd imagined. Not at all.

  The end of the day rolled around much sooner than you anticipated. You'd gotten lost in the work again, though as soon as Jimin collapsed to the floor in a heap of sweat and heavy breaths, you followed close behind him. The two of you sat kneeled upon the grassy floor, trying to catch your breath, smiling at one another even though there really was nothing to smile about.

  You just liked seeing his eyes crinkle like that.

  “You did good today,” you panted. “Better than ever, in fact.”

  “Just because I hit you?”

  “Because you took a risk.” You sighed, pulling your feet from beneath you. “I think we can bring the iron swords back into training tomorrow. What do you say?”

  Jimin raised a brow. “Isn't that a little dangerous?”

  “Combat usually tends to be quite dangerous.”

  “I don't want to actually hurt you, Y/N.” His voice softened. “If you want to stop the training sessions, you can. You've taught me enough.”

  You blinked. There the offer was – your chance at freedom. You could take your coin and leave, never look back. Isn't that what you'd always wanted? A chance to do whatever it was you wanted, a chance to get away from the country that broke you down in so many different ways?

  You looked to the floor. “A few more sessions should have you up to par. I can stick around for a little while longer, I think.”

  ----

  Oh, this wasn't good. Not good at all.

  Not even the rooftops were providing you the escapism you so desperately craved right now. The wind through your hair, billowing your hood out behind you – it was usually as easy as that. You got lost in the risk of balancing on the edge of a building, of looking down at the people you were intent on robbing. It was an easy way out of your own head.

  But it wasn't enough.

  Jimin's face kept pushing to the forefront of your mind, leaving you breathless each and every time; his black hair, his smile, the way his eyes shifted into crescents when you told a particularly awful joke that he just found so funny because it was unlike anything he'd heard before – he was distracting you, and he wasn't even here.

  You weren't stupid, of course. You knew what was happening. Three weeks of training a man to fight was bound to lead to some kind of bonding between you, but this was the prince you were talking about. This wasn't just a bad idea – it was downright forbidden. It was putting your life at risk.

  You should have just taken his offer to end things then and there. You could have gotten out of this mess in a number of seconds, turned round and dealt with your feelings. It would have hurt, saying goodbye, but it would have sorted out the issues you were currently trying to juggle.

  Why had you said no?

  You wanted to see him again. You wanted to see him every day. You wanted to continue your conversations and laugh with him, tease him about the littlest of things because he always found that so amusing. Everybody else treated him like glass, and yet here you were, giving him a rough time because he's a few heads shorter than the prince of the southern dominance. He was easy to be around. He was a real person, and that was the biggest shock of all.

  You closed your eyes and inhaled the smokey air. In the distance, the palace stood tall. On the street, nobles walked around with their heads held high and those cocky smiles on their faces that told you they truly believed they were untouchable.

  Well, you needed something to distract you anyway. You may as well.

  You leaped off the edge of the roof, landing in a crouch against the cobblestones. A few ladies yelped at the sudden intrusion, but you ignored them and darted up the street, tugging your hood a little tighter round your head as you did so. Your knife was heavy beneath your cloak; you hadn't needed to use it for quite some time now, considering you hadn't needed to pick pocket anyone. You'd been sleeping easy, thanks to Jimin and his kind donations.

  You didn't like stealing just for the sake of it, but you deserved the treat now.

  You pinpointed a man within seconds; he was walking with easy steps, winking at a passing carriage-driver who swooned beneath his attention. You scoffed under your breath, shifting through the crowd until you were behind him. He waved and hollered at a boatman, saying something like, “And how is that wine I sent you?” but he kept walking before the man could even respond.

  Ignorant bastard.

  Again, sometimes you really were convinced that some people just deserved the fate you offered them.

  After growing tired of watching him shamelessly flirt with everyone, you picked up your pace and sidled up beside him. Keeping your head down was usually your go-to tactic, but this was a chatty man. He noticed you, his face immediately brightening at the idea of a new friend. He turned, tilted his head forward until he was meeting your eyes; you forced a smile on your face.

  “Good evening, sir,” you said, offering a bow.

  He bowed back. “Evening. What an odd choice of dress.”

  “Oh, this?” You plucked at the dirty material of your cloak. “It's old, sir. I've been meaning to get a new one, but time is scarce, and money even scarcer. I'm sure you understand.”

  He chuckled, throwing his head back as if you'd said some unbelievably funny joke. You laughed along with him, just because that was etiquette.

  “I can't say I do,” he replied. “Well, I hope it keeps you warm. These upcoming winters are meant to be dangerous.”

   “Oh, I'll keep that in mind, sir.” You stumbled – or so he believed – and clashed your shoulder against his. He gasped at the contact, flinching back; it was perfect. His flinch was enough to wrench your hand out of his pocket, his coin purse tucked nicely in your palm.

  You quickly hid it beneath your cloak, pretending to be flustered.

  “Goodness, I apologise, sir,” you said. “I've been a little weak on my feet lately. Please, do excuse me. I must get going before-”

   His hand snapped out and wrapped round your throat. “Guards!”

  Your eyes widened – shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. This wasn't right. There was no way in hell he'd managed to notice you.

  You gasped, his fingers pressing into your throat until your knees really were growing weak beneath you. His eyes were alight with anger, and you watched it morph into privileged amusement as the night guards came sprinting towards you.

  “What's the problem here, sir?” one of them asked.

  “This one was just caught picking my pocket,” the noblemen replied, shoving you to your knees. The cobblestones ripped the fabric of your trousers, but you were too dreary to care. You swallowed lungfuls of air, trying desperately to remain conscious even as the ghost of his fingers continued to drain what little energy you'd managed to store.

  The guards grabbed you. “We've been looking for you.”

  “Fuck you,” you spat. One of the guards back handed you; his ring slashed your cheek, cutting a clean little slice in the flesh.

  “Take them away.”

  You didn't put up a fight. You couldn't. Your vision was going blurry. Your own blood was dribbling from the cut in your cheek into your mouth, forcing you to taste your own defeat until the darkness showed you mercy and you finally collapsed into the guards hostile embrace.

  ----

  Jimin heard the guards enter through the palace gates. One peek over his novel, and his world tilted.

  He stood up, very nearly taking the table with him in his haste to get to his feet. The novel fell from his lap, but he left it there as he marched towards the guards.

  “What is going on here?” he demanded. He couldn't properly see your face through the hood of your cloak, but he knew it was you; he would recognise those clothes anywhere.

  “Your Majesty, this is the pick pocket we've been looking for,” one of the guards replied, and Jimin had to bite his tongue. He sounded so pleased with himself.

  “We've been looking for a pick pocket?” Jimin pondered. “Let me see them.”

  The guards frowned, but they would be fools to go against the princes orders. They lifted you up a little higher until your head was falling back, your hood going with it, allowing Jimin to see the mess they'd made of your face.

  Blood. It was everywhere, pooling from a relatively deep gash in your face. Your knees were scraped, trousers ripped. There were bruises on your throat.

  “Did you try and kill them?”

  “Your Majesty-”

  Jimin didn't let the man finish. He grabbed your arms and pulled you into his grip, using the strength you'd helped him build to drag you into his side. He cupped your face, tilting your head forward to stop the blood on your cheek from dribbling into your eyes.

  “You won't tell my parents about this,” he growled, keeping his eyes on you. “Do you understand?”

  The guards shuffled awkwardly. “Your Majesty, this person is a criminal-”

  “I didn't deny that,” Jimin snapped. “But I swear on my crown and my title as prince of this country, that if you go against my orders, it'll be you with the bruises on your throat. Now, answer me clearly – do you understand?”

  The guards nodded, and for the first time in his entire life, Jimin didn't feel like the goofy prince everyone tried to make him out to be. He felt powerful, in charge – just how it should be. How it was always meant to be.

  He nodded stiffly before he scooped you up in his arms and started back towards his chambers. His parents were on a trip visiting some of the hostels in the area – he would have most of the day to clean you up and figure out what to do with you.

  He kicked open his bedroom door and set you down on his bed. Immediately, blood stained the sheets, dripping down the side of your face, but Jimin didn't care. It only worried him, forcing a whimper of panic to push to the surface that he tried so desperately to bite down – with no luck.

  You didn't look right. You didn't look right.

  He ran his hands through his black hair. He was going to cry. He could feel the tears pushing to the surface, and it took all of this strengths to swallow them down so he could get his head on straight – he knew what to do. He'd been taught this kind of thing, had attended classes to help him get better, but god the idea of pushing a needle through your face, of making your pain double – it hurt. It hurt so badly, and Jimin knew why but he didn't want to admit it.

  Right now, he couldn't even concentrate on that kind of thing.

  He inhaled shakily and reached beneath his bed for the emergency First Aid kit his parents insisted he keep in his room lest there be an emergency; he'd always thought it to be a pointless precaution, but now he said a silent thank you.

  He pulled the needle and thread from the bag, pulled the antiseptic and the bandages out along with it.

  And then he got to work.

  ---

  Jimin couldn't bring himself to leave your side when his job was finished.

  He washed his hands, put on a fresh set of clothes, tucked you into the covers and then he just kind of sat there. The chair was uncomfortable, and he was exhausted, but the idea of leaving your side for whoever to walk in and use you as they pleased was an idea he did not want to risk.

  So he stayed.

  He drifted off a number of times, but was always startled awake by the crick forming in his neck. Eventually, he just started pacing up and down his bedroom, glancing at you every now and then to make sure your chest was still rising and the gauze he'd applied continued to keep the cut under control. He could do nothing about the bruises on your neck, simply wrapped an ice pack around them and hoped for the best. He would find the person who hurt you in such a way, and he'd punish them. Hopefully that would be enough.

  Never before had Park Jimin felt such anger.

  It was a surreal feeling, and one he was slowly beginning to realise he did not like nor appreciate manifesting in his bones. This wasn't the type of man he was; he enjoyed smiling. He enjoyed laughing, and having fun, and spreading the comfort and peace he knew he could bring to his people – this anger was just different, but it was overtaking him with every moment he had to ponder over what happened to you, what he could have prevented if he'd been there.

  It was such a bad road to go down, but he couldn't help it. As he paced the room, he could only think of what he could have done, what he should have done to get you out of the situation – it didn't need to be a physical altercation. He was the prince. Just showing his face, yelling at the culprit could have potentially saved you from harm.

  The sound of you groaning had him pausing in the centre of the room. He span on his heel, frozen in place. He watched you wriggle slightly beneath the covers before one of your eyes was opening-

  You shot bolt upright, scrambling for the knife he'd taken from the back of your trousers. A startled cry escaped you when you realised it was no longer there.

  Jimin darted to your side, grabbing your wrist before you could reach for anything else that may be used as a weapon. You were panicking, pain no doubt sparking the side of your face, but as soon as your eyes landed on Jimin's, your features softened and a sigh of relief slipped past your lips.

  “What are you doing here?” you whispered. You sounded drousy, like you were on the verge of falling back into slumber.

  Jimin couldn't help but smile. “This is my bedroom.”

  “Oh.” You slumped back against his pillows, and Jimin stepped to the side to admire the way you looked bundled in his sheets. “What am I doing in your bedroom?”

  “You got yourself into a bit of trouble.” He sat down on the edge of the bed. “How are you feeling?”

  “My face feels numb.”

  He chuckled. “Yeah, it will. You lost a lot of blood.”

  You frowned, reaching up to pluck at the gauze on your cheek. Jimin grabbed your hand and led it back to your lap. “Don't touch it. It'll hurt.”

  “It doesn't hurt. I can't feel it.”

  “Yeah, well, you will feel it if you pull the gauze off.”

  You grunted.

  Jimin rolled his eyes. “Why did you do it, Y/N?”

  You looked up, raising a brow. “Do what?”

  “I thought I was giving you enough to live a stable life,” he continued, because he knew he didn't have to explain himself. You may have been a little dreary, but you weren't stupid; you remembered exactly what the little altercation was that led you here. “Why did you have to go and put yourself in that position again?”

  You looked down at the quilt, biting your lower lip. The gauze tugged, and Jimin couldn't help but reach forward, tugging your lower lip from your teeth with the nail of his thumb. Your breath hitched, but it was only for a second – just long enough for Jimin to notice it, just long enough for his heart to speed up with your reaction.

  “Why?” he pushed when you stayed silent.

  “Because I'm a bad person.” Your voice was a whisper.

  “No you're not.”

  “Yes I am.” You shook your head. “I do this all the time, Jimin. It's who I am.”

  “But it's dangerous.”

  “My whole life has been dangerous,” you snapped. “Don't you understand? I'm not like you. I haven't been pampered my whole life; I haven't had everything handed to me on a fucking silver plate – I've had to work to get to this point. I've had to work to stay alive, because if I let my guard down for even a second, someone is gonna come up and slit my throat for whatever I have on me. That's not the kind of life you can just let go of because a pretty little prince has come to the rescue.”

  Jimin stared at you. You were wincing, cupping your jaw, but he could only concentrate on the words you'd just spoken; no, he didn't understand, and maybe that was okay. He wasn't a fool – he was open to admitting that, for his entire life, he'd had everything handed to him, and that was just the way it was, the way it always had been. He asked for something, and he got it – not because he'd worked for it, or because he necessarily needed it. He got it because he was Prince Jimin, and god forbid Prince Jimin doesn't get what he wants.  

  Yet here was, sat beside someone who had to work for the basic necessities that Jimin always thought were just handed out to everyone – food, clothes, water, shelter. Things he took for granted were the things you had to kill for, the things you had to protect with your life or risk losing them for good.

  He had the following and the popularity, but you were so much stronger than him.

  “Okay,” he mumbled.

  You looked up. “What?”

  “Okay,” he repeated, louder this time. He shoved his shoulders back. “It's okay.”

  You blinked.

  “We'll figure this out. You and me. I'll talk to my parents, get you pardoned-”

  “Jimin, I broke the law-”

  “So did I. By getting into contact with you at all, I've been breaking the law.”

   You scoffed. “I think it's a little different for you.”

  “Exactly. Which is why I'm going to help you, just as you've been helping me.”

  You paused. “Don't risk your reputation for me. I won't let you do that.”

  “You'll have no choice in the matter.” He stood up. “Do you want water or anything?”

  You gripped the bed sheets. “Jimin, don't you-”

  “I'll bring you up some tea. I make a good cup of tea.”

   “Park Jimin, get back here now! Don't you dare-”

  The door swung closed behind him, your voice disappearing behind the wood.

  He leaned his head back and grinned up at the ceiling, unsure as to why his heart was hammering in his chest, but happy that it was.

  ----

  “This is ridiculous. Have I told you how ridiculous you are?”

  “On multiple occasions. Have I ever told you how hostile you can be?”

  “You don't need to tell me.”

  Even though Jimin walked behind you, you could just tell he was rolling his eyes. His hesitant footsteps bounced off the walls of the palace, and you knew he was nervous; this was the day. You'd been on bed rest for a few days after waking up from the accident, Jimin popping in every few hours to make sure you were still breathing. He'd told you that he'd spoken to his parents, that they wanted to talk to you just to get a better understanding of who it was their son spontaneously decided to bring into their home.

  You were the pick pocket, the thief, the street urchin who was teaching their son how to fight with a sword.

  How you were going to make your introductions sound pleasant was completely beyond you, but you were willing to try. Jimin had been running himself ragged these past few days, both trying to keep you alive and keep his parents from completely losing their minds over what happened – the least you could give him in return was your attempts to make things right.

  The two of you approached the double doors leading into the meeting room. Jimin finally stepped up beside you, giving you a single glance that you did not return – you kept your shoulders drawn back, eyes dead ahead, heart thumping at a million miles per hour.

  Jimin inhaled before pushing open the doors.

  There they sat, tall and proud in their oversized chairs with their robes made of silk and their hair styled to perfection. They radiated power. They radiated dominance, immediately making you feel like the little kid who cowered in the streets all them years ago. You didn't like it. You'd fought that side of you off for so many years, that having it brought back to the surface now was paralysing to say the least.

  You stepped into the meeting room and bowed. Jimin stepped up beside you, and you had to hide your breath of relief when he did not move further into the room – he was staying by your side.

  “Your Majesty's,” you greeted. “Thank you for seeing me.”

   “Come in, Y/N,” said the queen. “Let us see you.”

  You did just that. If you looked hesitant, they would pick up on it – there was nothing worse than someone who wasn't sure where their confidence lay. You needed to give off the illusion that you were ready for this meeting, ready to impress them.

  “So this is the person my son has been talking about,” the king drawled. His dark eyes trailed up your form, a small frown taking shape. “I see your cheek's been healing well.”

  “Yes,” you replied. “Very well, thank you.”

  “Care to explain to us how you got the injury in the first place?”

  Jimin stepped forward. “I've already explained that, father. You agreed to give them a chance-”

  The king raised a hand. Jimin silenced almost immediately. “I want to hear it from them.”

  You glanced at Jimin, hoping to give him a look that said it's okay, but he did not look back at you. He kept his eyes on his parents, jaw clenched in a way you'd never seen on him before – anger was such a rarity when it came to the prince. Seeing it on him now almost made you uncomfortable.

  You turned back to the royals. “I was pick pocketing.”

  Jimin inhaled sharply. “I explained this-”

  “You do understand that that is a serious crime,” said the queen.

  “I do,” you replied coolly.

  The king and queen shared a glance. You watched your chances of getting out of this scotch free dwindle with each passing second – it was just going to get worse. They started with a kicker, and now they were on a roll; they would show you absolutely no mercy.

  And you certainly weren't going to beg for it.

  “Okay,” the king continued. “Now how about the fact that you have been teaching my son how to use a sword these past few weeks?”

  “He asked me to help him,” you replied. “I agreed.”

  “Why would you do that when you know it risks your life?”

  You shrugged. “I've never feared death, Your Majesty. I thought I might as well go down for helping someone out.”

  The king pursed his lips. Glancing to the side, you could just make out the small smile curling on Jimin's lips, one he tried to hide by looking to the floor.

  “You're name has gotten round the slums quite a lot recently,” the queen pushed. “Apparently you're quite skilled with a sword.”

  “Sharp things are my speciality.”

  “How many people have you killed with this speciality?”

  “Zero.”

  “You speak the truth?”

  “I defend myself, Your Majesty, but I've never killed anyone. Just because I was raised on the streets does not mean I have a brutal personality.”

  “And you don't think pick pocketing innocent men is a brutal personality trait?”

  You levelled the king with a look, shoulders pulled back. “The man I attempted to steal from a few days ago was a mistake – it was me being selfish. However, Your Majesty, I will not stand here and say I regret the work I've done previously. The people I steal from are the same people who will gladly stab me for simply standing in their way. I won't apologise for making their life a little bit more inconvenient.”

  Jimin inhaled. “Y/N-”

  “This is the type of person you want wandering our streets, Park Jimin?” the queen snapped. “You've come to us, begging for the mercy of a thug?”

  “Mother, if you'll just listen-”

  “There is nothing to listen to! They clearly have no morals – they're willing to put the lives of some of our finest tax payers at risk, purely for their own benefit.”

  “Now, Your Majesty, you're just putting words in my mouth.” Your voice was low.

  “I won't stand for it,” the queen continued. “Have they corrupted you to? Is that why you've taken such a liking to them?”

  You stepped forward, heart thundering despite the calm and collected expression on your face. “Jimin has nothing to do with my morals. He's simply been a friend since-”

  “Do you know what life on the streets is like?”

  Jimin's voice was strained, as if he'd been holding back these words but could no longer do so. Looking back, you noticed his clenched fists and his strained expression, veins popping from his neck. He didn't even look at you when he stepped forward, simply grabbed your arm and dragged you back behind him.

  “Jimin-”

  “It's hell,” he continued. “People like Y/N have to fight every single day just to get food in their stomachs, and you're going to stand there and tell me you don't understand why they would go out looking for the thickest pockets to pick?”

  The queen blinked. “It is a crime-”

  “It's life or death,” Jimin spat. “I think you need to spend less time worrying about the people who already have everything they need, and start focusing more on the people who can barely afford to keep themselves breathing.”

  You bit your lip – this was not the turn you'd expected. Jimin was angry. Genuinely, properly angry and he was going to get himself into so much trouble if he continued on like this. His parents would snap, and then it would be over for both of you, all because Jimin couldn't keep his mouth shut-

  “He's right, you know.”

  The kings voice echoed. Your head snapped up, jaw dropping open. For a second, you were almost certain you'd misheard him, perhaps started hallucinating from your previous injuries – but he was looking right at you, eyes soft, a tiny little smile playing on the edges of his mouth that set your head into motion.

  Was he actually agreeing?

  Jimin stepped back, falling into place beside you. Neither of you really knew what you were doing, but somehow your hands got tangled and then you were just holding each other's hands, looking up at the king with equally shocked faces.

  “I'm right?” Jimin echoed.

  “Dear, this isn't the time for your conscience to get involved,” the queen growled. “Y/N is up for a crime-”

  “We've ignored them,” the king said. “Y/N and everyone else we've claimed to be nothing more than strains on our society. Instead of complaining about them all the time, why don't we do something to help?”

  Jimin nodded enthusiastically. “Exactly.”

  You squeezed his hand. He quietened down.

  “I think we've done a disservice,” the king continued. “How can we expect people to just sit back and do nothing as their families starve around them?”

  The queen paled. “It's a crime-”

  “Our son has done the right thing by bringing this to our attention.” The king levelled his eyes on Jimin, who stood up a little straighter, pulled his shoulders back a little more. “I'd like to talk to you some more about this once you've got your friend settled in.”

  You blinked. Jimin blinked. The queen's jaw fell open.

  Surely that wasn't right.

  “Excuse me, Your Highness?” You stepped forward. Jimin tightened his grip on your hand, refusing to let you go in fear of you launching yourself at the royals. “What do you mean?”

  The king smiled. “The guest quarters will be good enough, I presume? You're teaching my son how to use a sword – it would only be convenient for you to be around a little more often.”

  “But-”

  “I'll get the quarters set up right now, Father!” Jimin yanked your hand, forcing you back into his chest. “Thank you!”

  Jimin did not wait for his fathers response. He span on his heel and darted back down the hallway, slamming the double doors closed once the two of you had stumbled from the tense meeting room. You fell into his arms almost immediately, knees weak with disbelief, heart thumping at a million miles per hour because this was the absolute last thing you had expected.

  “We did it!” Jimin exclaimed, wrapping his arms round your waist. You didn't even pull away, simply looked at him with a goofy smile on your face. “Y/N, we fucking did it!”

   “I can't believe this,” you whispered. “How did we even-”

  He picked you up and span you around, throwing his head back to laugh with joyous glee. You wanted to bottle up the noise, keep it in your pocket for a rainy day because you were fairly certain there was no better sound than Park Jimin's complete happiness.

  You wrapped your arms round his neck, nuzzling your head in his hair. The two of you laughed into nothingness, most likely looking like absolute freaks but not caring because the world was straightening itself out, and Jimin was holding you, and for the first time in your entire life, things were looking good.

  You pulled away. Jimin's arms slid away from your waist, letting you drop ever-so-gracefully to the floor in front of him; he did not remove his hands, and you did not remove yours. You looked into his eyes, grinning from ear to ear, hating the fact that you did not want this moment to end – not ever. You could stand in this hallway for the rest of your life with Jimin's hands on your waist, and you would not complain.

  “You did it, Y/N,” he whispered.

  “You did it,” you corrected. “I just made them angry.”

   “That's what you're good at.”

  You rolled your eyes, opened your mouth to retort, but the words were swallowed when Jimin leaned down and pressed his lips to your own.

  It should have been expected. With the intensity of which he'd been staring at you, the way you craved to feel his touch even more, you should have expected such a heart-juddering reaction, but it came as a shock anyway. Your eyes widened for a fraction of a minute before the world shifted into black and white and everything else melted away until it was just the two of you and the fire currently consuming your entire body.

  You kissed him back intensely – so intensely that you failed to realise you were pushing him back against the wall until he broke the kiss to giggle into your mouth.

  “Someone's eager,” he grumbled.

  You groaned and kissed him again. He kissed you back, holding you closer; you prayed he didn't let go, ever, ever, ever. You worked in sync. You pressed your body against his own. You danced, and it was perfect.

   He broke the kiss a second time, pulling back just enough to press his forehead against your own. You closed your eyes, biting your swollen lower lip, trying to catch the breath that had been stolen from you.

  “I think we need to get your rooms set up as quick as possible,” he whispered, breath fanning your face.

  You nodded eagerly. “Definitely.”

[teenyfish]

Marine Biology Story of the Day #11

Hello followers.  Today we are going to talk about a very special period of my life that really drove my interests, opened up doors for me, and gave me a lot of confidence that what I had chosen to do with my life was my calling.

When I was in college, during both my undergrad and my graduate degree, I worked at a small aquarium.  To my young budding marine biologist brain, it was a dream job.  In many ways, it still is a dream job, and I’m glad I got the opportunity to have this experience.

The aquarium I worked for is the Virginia Living Museum, a small, not well known, but somehow magical place tucked into the Newport News woods.  You might know us from our virial photo of an albino catfish with a binky in it’s mouth—it went viral a couple of years ago. Yep, that was us.

Not only are there aquarium exhibits, but there were also reptiles and mammals as well, including a huge outdoor trail where you could see wolves, deer, water birds, otters, etc.  One of the really unique aspects of this museum was that almost all of the animals found here were Virginia native species, and therefore were either animals that needed care or rehabilitation, or, in our case, were caught in VA waters and hopefully eventually released.  

So I originally started volunteering at the VLM at the touch tank, and then I got an opportunity to volunteer for the aquarium department, and then, eventually, around my Junior year, I was offered a part time position as an aquarist. I dove into the experience, and the chaos.  

Our aquarium department was small, but we did have a lot of exhibits to take care of, ranging from a 30,000 gallon salt water aquarium, to our “habitariums” which were large freshwater exhibits built to mimic natural ecosystems in Virginia, the cypress swamp and a mountain river.  We also had much smaller exhibits—some of the smallest being no more than 30 gallons, housing juvenile marine fish, dwarf sunfish, and blind cavefish.

(our Chesapeake Bay Aquarium (above) and our Mountain Cove Habitarium (below))

We were taking care of these animals 24/7, holidays, snow days, weekends. A typical day included getting in and feeding all of the exhibits, and then doing food prep for the next day. We would feed our fish a variety of seafood products, cut up depending on their size and biology—squid, shrimp, scallops, herring, capelin, smelt, mysid shrimp, to name a few.  Then, we would get to work on some water changes—this would involve replacing out 10-50% of the water in an exhibit with new “fresh” water (meaning new water to the tank, not necessarily fresh as many of our tanks were salt water).  When you have biomass in a system (meaning fish, crabs, plants, etc.), these animals release excrement, and bacteria breaking down this waste can release ammonia and nitrates into the water, which can eventually kill fish at high levels, so it is important to exchange water weekly.  In addition, we would scrub algae from rocks and the tank glass, and use a “gravel washer” or a siphon vacuum to suck up un eaten food and waste that gets trapped in the sand or gravel substrate.  We would do 6-7 of these a day, depending on a rotating schedule.  

Now, with the bigger tanks, this meant getting in them in order to clean them.  We would either snorkel or dive, depending on the depth, and so I got my open water dive certification as soon as I could.  My absolute favorite was diving the Chesapeake Bay Aquarium.

Now, along with all of our public exhibits, we had a set of quarantine tanks as well.  A quarantine tank, in the terms of a public aquarium setting, is a place were we can acclimate new fish to tank life.  It allows them to become comfortable with feeding in an aquarium, it gives us time to treat them for potential diseases, and allows the individuals to be as healthy as possible before they get put on exhibit.  We had quarantine tanks for everything—from racks of small 20 gallon fresh water or salt water tanks for juvenile fish, to huge industrial tubs for sharks and turtles.

Some of our fish in quarantine: Juvenile Atlantic Spadefish (top left), Juvenile Smallmouth Bass (top right), Juvenile Black Drum (Mid left), very teeny tiny baby Atlantic Spade fish (mid right), Two of our juvenile Sandbar Sharks (bottom left), a very small (5 in) clearnose skate (bottom right). 

These were often some of my favorite tanks because they were constantly changing out—we were constantly getting new fish and it was always exciting to see new species. It also gave me a chance to get really good at fish identification—including juvenile fish.  Juvenile fish often have much different coloration and even physiology than the adults, so this has helped me in my marine biology career.

This job gave me a lot of cool experiences, but I’m going to give a brief talk about three of our programs that were some of my favorites, and that I got to work on.  I may elaborate these in more detail in later posts, but for now, I’ll give brief overviews.

The first project that we were heavily involved in was the North Carolina Aquarium Sea Turtle program.  We would receive young juvenile loggerhead turtles, many of which would become stranded on beaches during the winter months, and care for them, have them on exhibit, but also, feed them and allow them to grow and be healthy.  Then, once the turtles got too big for the tank, or at a certain weight, we would release them, with a tag, back into the Atlantic Ocean. I went through 3 turtles while I worked at the VLM, we would get about one a year.  It was a fun, sometimes frustrating, and rewarding experience to work with this beautiful (albeit, dumb-as-a-rock) animals and see them released into the wild.

(Top: One of our adult turtles on exhibit, bottom: one of our turtles getting a  6 month check up, right: juvenile turtle in quarantine, getting ready to go on exhibit)

Another program that I loved was our Sea Horse Breeding Program.  Sea Horses are notoriously hard to keep in captivity as they are extremely sensitive to contaminants in the water and environmental changes. Breeding them is even more difficult—the babies, when they are released from the dad’s “pocket” are no larger than an eyelash, and even in perfect condition, sea horse babies have a 90% mortality rate.  Our little aquarium had the most successful lined seahorse breeding program on the east coast, we would regularly get baby seahorses to survive into adulthood—and this was mostly thanks to our aquarium curator, my boss.  We also managed to bring in new DNA into the Sea Horse scene by introducing wild-caught seahorses into our breeding population, only increasing our success.  Chances are, if you’ve been to an aquarium on the East Coast, you’ve seen our sea horses.  

(Some macro pictures of newborn seahorses--reminder, these fish are no bigger than an eyelash.  The white dots surrounding them are newborn brine shrimp their food)

Okay, last project I worked on while I was there was our coral reef tank. Now, I know I said before that most of the exhibits held only Virginia native species---well that was true, except for this exhibit.  This exhibit was supposed to represent prehistoric Virginia—as at one point, millions of years ago, Virginia was covered by a warm, shallow, inland sea—and so a coral reef is the closest we could get to representing that environment. I bugged, and bugged, and bugged my boss to teach me about it, to let me re-do the tank, because at the time it was pretty bare of coral, and wasn’t doing great.  He agreed, and together we rebuilt the exhibit—this whole saga probably needs it’s own post.  We drained the entire tank, added calcium and magnesium treatments, added new corals from the Mote Marine Laboratory down in Florida, and slowly but surely, created a beautiful exhibit.

(Top left: finished coral exhibit from above, top right: tank from the front, during our re-build, mid left: xenia coral in quarantine, mid right: spiny lobster in quarantine, bottom left: frogspawn coral in quarantine, bottom right: a shot of our quarantine tank after taking a trip down to Mote Marine Lab in Florida.)

Overall, this was a great experience for me, and I will probably do more posts on it, but I eventually left, because…weirdly enough, it got monotonous.  I think aquariums are great for public education, but I wanted to do more, I wanted to answer questions and solve problems, I wanted my work to impact my world on a bigger scale.  But I will never forget how this place shaped my young career—and I am still, always very excited to go to an aquarium, and I don’t think that is something that will ever change for me.

Now, because of this pandemic, the VLM had to let a lot of their staff go. They are non-profit, and therefore do not have a lot of back up funds to keep the museum running.  They are still open now at low capacity—so if you are in the area, feel free to visit (with a mask of course) and if you are interested, you can donate to this little-museum-that-could here.  And, you can read more about the workings and the past experiences of the aquarium department here, it’s a blog run by my former boss.

Thanks for listening, and as always if you have questions about my experiences or about the animals we housed, PLEASE do not hesitate to ask or comment.