#now i just have to wait 10 days and see
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So does he, Gallagher.
#honkai star rail#hsr blade#gallagher#i based this off of how many times i used funny soda man to help be a healer with his poppin soda pop in SU#and then blade constantly just being blade as usual#its normally him saying unnecessary to my actual healer but#i kept forgetting gallagher heals and i kept healing when i didnt even need to so TECHNICALLY yeah it was unnecessary#but the amount of times blade was the recipient......#i cant use like most of my newer units in story bc i cant ascend or i run out of leveling mats so i just#get them and toss them into simulated universe for funsies cause i can match their levels better#so thats where i tossed gallagher and he is genuinely fun to play as ? like i love his punches and kicks to start the battle#funny soda man is funny (to me) and im really behind in plot still#but last time i tried to play it on my laptop and got a kickass cutscene my laptop lagged and i couldnt even see it RIP to me#so now that its like ... me trying to play it on desktop ?#i mostly get on desktop for comms and if i do much else i feel like im slacking off even if i would take a break anyway#one day i can play more story plot stuff and actually meet the funny guys#also in case you know me for Not Having Boys in HSR i need to point out#i did pull Gallagher however same 10 pull got a 4 star girl copy for someone i never use and she is at e4 now cool#and i didnt even think of the irony as i started this i just like drawing blade and i wanted to draw gallagher#so when i already had the dialogue planned and am drawing i was like OH WAIT haha im funnier than i thought#(no i am not but we can pretend)
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Selections from my Hobonichi Techo so far :)
#doodles#non-fandom stuff#hobonichi techo#day planner#there's actually a lot more i was thinking of adding but i think these 10 are pretty good#I'm having a lot of fun!!#last time i had the techo was in 2020 and i didn’t end up working much in it#bc when the pandemic started i just like... lost all motivation to work in it#now I'm combining my journal habit from the nolty planners I was using with the freedom for doodles that the hobonichi provides#can't wait to see what else i'll do!! i'll post other stuff another time!!!
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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sneepy cozy....
#cats#(medical stuff mention for tags)#poasting confortable image of boye for peace and serenity and such forthe#I have little weird episodes sometimes where I get shaky (but like violently like 'would spill a drink if you were holding it beacuse#your hands are moving so much' type shaky) and weird and sick feeling but usually it passes in an hour or less. but last night I just#literally couldnt sleep I was shaking so much and my heartrate was up a ton and wouldn't go down even after like 6 hours plus super nausea#so I went to the hospital and now shall wear a heart monitor for a week. which hopefully it's just some weird drastic low blood sugar#event or something and there's nothing actually going on. ekg + ct scan for blod clots + virus panel + almost all of the blood work seems#normal so... aa.......#Though me being so privacy focused hrggh... I basically have a constantly bluetooth connected device around me#since the monitor comes with a cell phone that is constantly transmitting data to the place. which they said they'll call you#if they see anything weird which is also scary. random phone calls... but definitely better than letting an issue go unadressed lol#the phone is also not meant to be more than 10 feet away from the monitor at any time so I put on this old tactical fishing#vest thing thats like navy green with 100 pockets and im just using one of the giant pocketson the side as a phone holder#my enormous silly vest just to keep one little phone#ANYWAY... because I got up early the morning before and didn't sleep at all and spent nearly all day in waiting rooms and such#I have been awake for like 32 hours striaght. which I'm sure also does not help with an elevated heartrate lol#feeling shrimp emotions or whatever people talk about unlocking at a certain level of stress and sleep deprivation#and also no food or water. after a while they brought me like 3 saltines and some ice water but I basically also haven't eaten since 3am#last night and it's 2pm now..#thus............ bapy............. baby boye....... he will help ease all ailments with his baby powers...#And no I dont drink energy drinks or anything with caffiene really I'm afraid of all substances on the planet essentially#My body just likes to become shaky and weird randomly even when I'm not conciously anxious about anything/have had no caffiene/etc#and I guess I'm always more nervous about getting anything heart related checked out because of my arm/shoulder/chest area injury stuff#... i literally have constant chest pain all the time. it moves around but i nearly always have some sort of pain or pressure in my chest#so when people are like 'oh well a little weird heartrate is fine but watch out if you have pain!' it's like... i always do lol.. how am I#supposed to tell the Bad Pain apart from the Always Pain when the descriptions of Bad Pain are very very similar#AAAANYway.... hrghh... i wanted to be very productive and finally post drafts and wrok on things today. but alas..#I can at least post small image of soft boye.. though he recently got into stuff in the bathroom whilst left#alone and knocked things into the toilet.. So perhaps not an innocent and NICE boy.. but still.. a soft one .. beautfile....
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home from work
#if I speak…#one of the girls walked out yesterday#the best worker we have is on the verge of blowing up on this bitch’s leaders bc since he can do everything quick and efficiently already#they’re putting 3 to 4 ppl’s workloads on him to see how far they can extend his worth and then they’re over his shoulder the whole time#micromanaging him so today he almost lost it and was literally walking around mumbling about his disrespectful they all are (facts)#and how if they don’t think he’s doing it right then they can do it and I know for a fact one of the ladies heard him#bc he wasn’t even trying to hide it at this point and like this dude is cool he has a lot of patience and helps out any way he can#so if HE’S on the brink of snapping then the rest of us don’t stand a chance LMFAO#anyways today was a fucking mess those leaders know nothing about our store yet so they have us making less than what we need until we need#it so we get behind constantly and they made prep a disaster bc again they think they can just prep a bunch of stuff in the morning#and it’ll last the whole day and yes that works in theory but the reality of the situation is every day is different and today#we sold double what we did yesterday so they had to move me to prep to fix their mistakes bc we were running out of stuff 4 hours in lmfao#and I’m the only one left who knows how to do everything on prep bc the other girls had never done it before#we’re supposed to prep 20 mac n cheese trays in the morning for the whole day#we open lunch at 10:30 tell me why I go into the cooler at 12 put more in the oven and there’s only 5 left#it’s been less than 2 HOURS and you’re already running out of macs which means those idiots prepped barely anything just to try and save mo#*money to cut down waste but that gag if you’re losing money bc now you’re short on everything and customers are leaving bc they’re having#to wait a long time for their food#and macs take 40 minutes to cool LMFAO#I get over there they’re out of parfaits they’re out of fruit cups they’re out of kale salads the front is coming in and having to take#stuff as I make it bc they keep getting orders and it’s all just a fucking mess#I have to make a custom wrap and what happens?? those morons didn’t pull the flatbreads out of the freezer like they’re supposed to every#night so now we have no flatbread and I had to run back there and put them in the warming drawer to defrost and we lost an order bc I had#nothing to make the wraps with <3#I go back there to get more cold chicken SPOILER ALERT they didn’t have anyone make any this morning so now there’s no chicken for the wrap#and salad and it has to be grilled and then chilled for 2 FUCKING HOURS before it can be used#they’re a fucking disaster like 😭#was the store perfect before?? ofc not but it ran quickly and efficiently as it should and now it’s literally just a mess#this bitch hasn’t even owned it for a full week yet and has already fucked it all up#womp womp!!!!!!
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had a day that made me think oh that was a bit heavy on the symbolism, wasn't it
#j. talks#went to visit my brother in his uni city and also connected it with an event there#I know this event because I went there once with a uni course that of course was with my fave former prof#so I know she's usually there but it's a bigger city and Friday and there are a lot of things at different locations#chances are not zero but I thought come on if anything it will be casual running into her#well as I was waiting with my brother and a whole crowd of people to be let in who do I hea#and see :))) yeah it's my fave prof. and I told my brother and he told me to go and say hi but there were so many people already talking to#her and also going there and saying hi so I simply couldn't. I literally froze our shoulders were nearly touching but she wasn't even facin#me and taking and I just followed my brother and he was like???#what was that?? and I didn't know. and he asked my why I looked so shameful out of all the emotions I chose shame#and I don't know. I don't know why shame I consuming me no matter where I go. but she was busy and imagine I go up and she has no idea who#am anymore. they had to burry me right there and then. so that was that :) now#the name of that street of the location burned into my memory as I was facing the wall well it's the name of [redacted] who I never really#get over and it's been 10 years now soon. and we had a similar experience in December :) where I would have loved nothing more really than#to talk (in Decembar definitely also other things that I miss on some days very much) but I barely got a wave#so yeah :) I actually had a great day but I am more than overwhelmed. I feel like crying and hiding#taurus season is apparently not here to save me? idk#is this all about wasted potential and shame stopping me? maybe. but how the fuck do I get it out of me
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Okay finally posting my pics from when I went to Hanger-7 on Saturday July 1st !!
RB9 🥹
STR3 !!!
RB16B
RB7
Various Red Bull-Saubers(including Kimi's first F1 car!!!)
Tbh I think seeing these cars was more surreal and insane to me than going to the actual race the very next day. I think it's because I'm more deranged about the 2010s than nowadays(for the most part), so seeing all these incredibly iconic cars in the flesh(especially ones like the STR3 and Hungry Heidi) was just unbelievable to me. And the fact that it's free entry as well??? Yeah yeah, feel free to waltz into our aircraft hanger, free of charge, and witness these spectacles of engineering 🥱
#as i said it was just super surreal to be standing next to those cars after seeing so many pics and watching so many vids of them#like ??? im standing next to seb's first gp winning car ????#im standing next to seb's 2nd wdc winning car rn?????#(ALSO OMG SEEING BOTH MARK AND SEB'S NAMES ON THE RB7 HEHEHEHE FOREVER IMMORTALIZED TOGETHER)#im standing next to *the* 13x race winner 4th wdc winning Hungry Heidi rn??????????????????#like the fact that they had (i think) 4 championship cars just there is insane to me#(also shhhhh i dont know which chassis they have obv so dont be like 'well actually!' to me)#no rb6 tho :( which is a shame bcs thats my fav rb car but god so many other favs so its okay#actually i think they had rb6 but in a different livery so i only have like one pic of it#but anyways i guess its also just more surreal than the gp bcs i was standing so close and getting to appreciate it all#whereas the gp was more of an experience and a really really insane thing to go to and experience rather than appreciate more finely ig?#but yeah do you guys like when i say ill post pics soon and then dont do so until 10 days later?#tbf i just didnt want to post them on the race wknd...but now its almost the race wknd again#btw they had some more cars. i think the rb10 and rb13? but the ones i posted are all my babies yknow#hahaha wait for my course we're supposed to write reflections(in german my god) abt some places we visited right?#and ill do them i swear i swear but like my brain was pretty useless at trying to write that much german while doing so much else#so the only one ive ended up writing was abt going to hanger 7 and how unglaublich it was and it was basically just a rant#omg also!! i have a pic w hungry heidi !!!! (and rb16b boycar ofc)#its so funny bcs basically until the day of i was unsure if i was going to see this alone bcs the guy who ended up going w me was unsure#so id just constantly daydream abt what it would be like to have to ask a stranger to take a pic of me with rb9#but luckily my friend did! but god no way was i leaving that hanger without taking a pic with at least one beloved#red bull racing#f1#formula 1#formula one#rb9#catie.rambling.txt#rb7#str3#rb16b
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i still can’t get over how lxl became waiterxwaiter bc of the anime’s artstyle btw
#i think it’s thanks to yujiro’s vest………#but doesn’t he just. look just like a waiter at a casual dining restaurant?#he’d fit right in as part of swensen’s waitstaff..#hm… fancy ice cream parlour lxl au anyone~~~?#g o s h n o i don’t need another lxl au to add to the pile of unfleshed wips that will never see the light of day#i’ve had this burger joint au since 2020… this bubble tea shop au from last year… and now…..#the only thing standing in my way is my lack of f&b work experience i s w ea r im not just lazy im inexperienced too!!!!#but aus based on personal working experience huh………. idk would anyone even want to read a lxl c-19 lab testers au—#wait. that. actually has potential. they can help each other gown up and stuff and wzuuzhxjsjssbsbsbbs#but dangit i have no idea if that lab practices nda has expired yet… i lost my copy of it forever ago… oh wells. remind me!10 years!#it is suiyoubi my dudes
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i want to get started on the Full Hands List but i am waiting on my apartment people for scheduled maintenance and i don't really want to start until they leave but i also have no idea what time they'll make it to my apartment so we're just playing the waiting game now
#at my old apartment i was one of the first to get the maintenance bc my apartment number was just higher on the list#so it was usually around 10-11am#but im much further down now and idk how long it'll take#this isn't my FIRST TIME having the preventative maintenance in this apartment but the last times i just went to bed and got woken up#when they knocked#bc i was still on nights and i had no idea how long it'd be and didnt want to stay awake#and i did NOT check the time when they finally arrived#i just let them in and waited until they left so i could go back to sleep lmao#so#we'll see ig#I'm also splitting this into 3 days instead of don't all 3 seasons at once ill do a season a day#largely bc of time in general and how it's like. 12 hours of show.#and im be starting late today bc of *gestures at post*#but also it's going to be LONGER cus i have to pause every time hands shown up so i can note the timestamp#which ofc makes the whole process much. MUCH longer as seen with s3's preliminary run lmao#ough#I'm talking so much jdfjjsjd#also just my attebtion span is NOT great and i need to actually be WATCHING THE SCREEN THE WHOLE ENTIRE TIME#and can't be checking my phone or anything#cus ill miss shots!!!!#i missed at least 2 on my og s1+s2 list and im sure i missed others#i also have to decide how to count the montages#cus there'll be like 2 shots of hands immediately one after the other in the montages#sigh#......... I'll probably count them separately. just for accurate numbers.#which ofc means that ALL of my bonus aren't QUITE right rn cuts ik i lumped montages together#lmao#oh this will be so much fun#shh ac#young royals
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the entirety of BFDI so far is 16:10:39 (hours, minutes, seconds). assuming the average sleep time is 8 hours, then that's a little more than typical waking hours
#wheucto#wheucto speaks#binging the entirety of BFDI in one sitting (from BFDI 1a to TPOT 6) is. possible. but barely#unless you like. stay up a long time_ later on this is just. going to be impossible#that is if you want to stay healthy sleep schedule-wise#and so far we only have 6 TPOT episodes. considering we have 35 (i think) contestants_ 2 contestants eliminated#if that stays true until. uhhhh. let's say an avg of 3 members per team for merge (or first merge)#3 * 6 = 18#that's almost half of 35. so it would take 17 or 18 episodes to get there if. i'm right which is unlikely#now if 1 contestant is eliminated after 1st merge that would take 15 for final three 16 for final two#if the same stays true (until final four/two) then it'd be 7ish for final four/three or 8 for final two#17 + 7 + 1 for the smallest estimate. that's 25.#each episode is about 25 minutes (assuming trends stay the same) so it'd be 625 minutes more (or 10 hours 25 minutes)#that is_ assuming that 1. tpot doesn't get canceled 2. 1st merge will happen when teams have 3 contestants avg#we'll need to wait about... 3 to 5 years (if the show gets completed) to see how many episodes (and how long they are) there'll be#(since assuming each episode comes in a month + half times that by 25 for a little over 3 years as the lower estimate and 5 as just. a vibe#- based guess)#if 625 mins is correct then it'd be over 26 hours long also known as more than a day. so. binge-watching all of bfdi is probably impossible#- when it all gets completed (assuming there isnt ANOTHER season after tpot. and who knows?)
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i have GOT to stop wearing tøp shirts to appointments related to my mental health oh my god
#it's just my fashion is all#first appointment for adhd diagnosis. wore a tøp shirt. other diagnosis appointments. tøp shirts. firsy day of therapy. tøp shirt. now im#in the waiting room for an appointment to see about getting on antidepressants. and guess what im wearing. TØP SHIRT.#also i ordered another shirt off ebay and im very excited about it because i already have the same shirt and it's my#FAVORITE pilots shirt ever but i LOST IT last year and i think someone might have stolen it at camp#or it just went to a different dimension when i got back and unpacked because it's GONE#so i ordered another just like it AND it was $8 less than my first one 😋 and if i find the other one then i'll probs crop the new one#also. every appointment has been a different shirt because i own like 10 shirts BUT 3 of them i cannot#bring myself to wear outside of the house. im sorry i cant do it.#im rambling a lot in the tags sorry im just really nervous and im gonna be in the waiting room for my appointment for an hour. anyway#should have brought my headphones so i can listen to the mtv unplugged 😔 sad. sad#;malls;
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I genuinely grew up believing that society was going to collapse and that we would all be living in mad max wasteland future by now and like. Yes all of us grew up feeling like we didn't have a future but my upbringing actively told me over and over that The End was coming soon. It's literally doomsday cult shit, but instead of revelations I got peak oil and climate change. And like at the very least those things are real, but the world has not ended, society has not collapsed, and that narrative running through my entire childhood fucked me up bad and left me completely unprepared to function. Like why make any plans? Why have dreams? Why strive for anything in the society we have now when we knew this was coming? But at the same time my parents weren't DOING anything about it. We weren't preppers, we weren't moving to another country, we were just staying put and waiting and worrying, there was always an immediate reason we couldn't act but a long term view of the world that said disaster was coming soon. And at the same time extreme pressure to achieve, because there was this sense that time was running out, money was running out, that I would only ever be safe if I was able to get good grades and degrees and a career that paid well.
I have no point to this post exactly except that I'm still just sort of astounded that that's how I grew up
#and this was maintained through isolationism. also very cult like. homeschooling and a running narrative that ither people were just#too ignorant to understand what was coming#that we were somehow better#like i honestly have to wonder how much my mom even remembers about how things were in my childhood#given what i now understand about her capacity for denial and dissociation#but i spent my early formative years during the bush administration just immersed in all this shit#like why the fuck was i 10 and under the impression that i needed to mentally prepare myself#to live in a post-apocalyptic ''Day After Tomorrow'' world#what's funny is now i see it as the cop out it always was. if you're waiting for an inevitable catastrophe you never have to ACT#the doomerism itself acts as a shield#it keeps life small#and here's me as a teen/young adult developing severe mental health problems and everyone including me just going#''why are you like this??? what is wrong with you? why is everything so hard??''
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i haaate writing texts to people i barely talk to who also happen to not be Online people like. what version of myself am i allowed to be here
#a childhood friend (we went to school together ages 4-10 and have seen each other twice since - once close to school and once in january)#anw she asked what i thought of the barbie movie and i said sth about it being pop feminist in my first message and felt the need to double#text to explain what i meant by it and (somehow not physically but very much in spirit) i have a headache now#oh no wait there it is physically:)#oh uh#barbie spoilers#i guess but yeah it was at the level you'd expect it to be on that but perfect camp fun in general and i loved it sm#anw i feel like i should've left it at the fun camp side of my review that's what she probably meant#regardless ive done that now#if anyone's following along since the January party this is the friend who introduced john to our group and may or may not have been t#*subtly trying to set us up so we're gonna have to have that conversation eventually which is soooooo fun but i love her n i love that we'v#been reconnected#oh god i just remembered she's trying to have us meet up w the friend who hosted the party and was absolutely in on the me and john idea so#that specific psrt of it will be hell especially if it comes up that i was more interested in andrew who went to school with us and managed#to accidentally reject him.... although if undoing that comes out of it (unrejecting him that is) i would not mind he is so babygirl#ok i am going to get ready for bed!! it has been so much of a day#omg she replied about barbie#this is the most perfect review this is kind of all i cared about and you addressed it w/o asking#though now i'm excited to see what the story line is bc i haven't seen the trailers#im so relieved and i have a newfound faith in our rekindled friendship im so excited#also i just remembered sth#i was way more of a kelly club girl and i think i first played with actual grown barbies at her house!! we had sm fun and i remembered that#but this brought so much back still#vie
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...
#other ppl: youll be fine! u r passionate abt what u do#no u dont understand. its not passion. im being consumed. im being devoured whole and alive.#its out of control and its killing me#stop trying to tell me im good. i can assure u its a problem and i want it to fucking stop. whats the point of being successful if u cant#even fucking breathe?#this has been my weekend in purgatory for some reason. but fuck u i got the fucking application 98% done so im gonna read it over tomorrow#when my brain doesnt feel like its gonna explode and thrn send it to the dude and idk see wtf he has to say about it bc im positive i#overwrote it bc im unhinged. whatever tomorrow im gonna spend another 4hr transfering algae#if i can. turns out ive given myself a headache and now i cannot sleep lmao#lol i wrote all that yesterday night. it appears i was having a bad time. and i continue to have a bad time bc my manuscript is 98% ready#for submission but i leave at 7.20 tomorrow morning for my flight and wont be home until 7pm in this time zone at the very least#which means ill have to fucking wait all day to submit i guess unless i use plane wifi or something. fucking idk#i also havent sent the application in yet and i havent bought any Christmas presents bc my brain is splitting into a million pieces#its 10 pm now. will is sleep tonight? who's to say i still have work to do on this fucking manuscript#at least my coauthor thinks itll only get sent back with minor revisions so it must look pretty ok#part of it is just me bitching abt inconsistent methods across papers bc it annoys me but also i dont give a fuck#i will fucking psychically control ppl to read this paper and use its knowledge bc the way they talk abt the topic annoys me so much#which is additionally annoying bc like i said i dont give a fuck#anyway im procrastinating#unrelated#my parents texting me today: yay we r excited to see u 🤗#and im just laying on the floor eminating a demonic aura
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I guess I had no chance of developing an ability to make a decision with parents like mine... my mom's birthday was last Tuesday and I haven't had a chance to see her to celebrate and give her a gift yet, and since it's also Father's Day today I called them last night to ask them what they want to do, myself leaning towards taking them out for dinner today unless they'd prefer to come to my house or me to visit them at camp. What follows is a condensed version of our conversation; there was a lot more back and forth-
Me: Let me know what you want to do.
Mom: I'll let you talk to dad and see what he wants to do.
Dad: I'll let you and mom decide.
Mom: Let me know what you want to do.
Me: I'm trying to celebrate the two of you, we can eat wherever you want!
#so now I wait until someone makes a decision#I refuse#my role here is to spend time with my parents and buy them a meal#also I have no idea what to get my dad#and I didn't really get mom anything for mother's day because they were on the road and I had no idea when I'd see her#so I just bought her lunch when I did#but I'm giving them both cards and already got my mom something for her birthday and since we're celebrating both it'd be weird#not to give my dad something along with a card#even though he always tells me not to get him anything and refuses to give me ideas and hates cards#I stared at the gift card section of the store last night for like 10 minutes but he's impossible to buy for not even a dumb gift card work#I was going to get one for texas roadhouse since they like that place but I didn't see one#and since they live in a camper during the summer and just have a car to drive all of their stuff back to FL in I hate to buy them stuff#that's just going to take up unnecessary space#I hate giving gift cards but it really is the best option these days so I got my mom a Kohl's gift card#I know you all don't know my dad but any last minute non-bulky gift ideas for a dad who doesn't need anything are welcome 😁#well these tags really got away from me#and that's really saying something considering who I am
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Just screamed so loud in my car that both my ears rang and a spider fell from the ceiling. My throat hurts.
#my pharmacy won't fill my meds AGAIN because some motherfucker decided to make a new policy that requires more instructions or something#i keep not getting my meds when I need them because every time i get a new script sent out (like one I haven't been on before) i hear...#...nothing back from the pharmacy; generally for days; and then when i call them (every 10 or 15 or 30 minutes for several hours) no...#...one picks up the goddamn phone and i have to make time to go in in person and ask the pharmacist when my meds will be ready.#and then they tell me 'oh yeah we HAVE the script from your doctor. we just need MORE INFORMATION and sent them an ELECTRONIC NOTE...#...(reminder that i live in fucking rural idaho so most people use a fucking phone and not 'an electronic note') and haven't heard back...#...from them yet so we're just waiting on that :)' and then i have to smile and thank them bc it isn't their fucking fault the policy is...#...some fucking bullshit and then i have to call my doctor on the phone (and can never reach them directly so i have to get a...#...receptionist to leave them a note that i HOPE they'll see in the next couple of days but sometimes they don't) and since i never have...#...an emergency it's often 2 or more weeks before anyone gets back to me. i usually have to call the pharmacy again. and then they don't...#...always answer and i usually have to go in and ask AGAIN why my meds aren't ready and they go 'oh we're still waiting on your doctor'...#...:) or 'they sent us a message back but it wasn't ENOUGH information and we sent them another ELECTRONIC NOTE that they won't see for...#...days or weeks so we recommend YOU call your doctor even though we're the ones flinging you around like a rag doll and you have 0...#...control over it. and by the way we're going to continue doing this for like a fucking year every time you get a new script. and when...#...your doctor asks you if the new meds are working you're going to have to say 'i have no fucking clue because it took 6 weeks to get...#...my goddamn prescription filled and it takes 3 months for the medication to show signs of working so my pharmacy wasted HALF of that...#...time sending electronic notes instead of filling my motherfucking prescription and i was supposed to be off these meds by summer...#...since they cause intense sunburn and shit and i have an OUTDOOR JOB NOW but my acne is still bad and hasn't gone away enough to stop...#...using the super intense stuff and my face hurts and swells and oozes and i have to wear a wide-brimmed hat and sunscreen EVERY time...#...i go outside because i can get a sunburn in 20 minutes now and i've been having heat rashes from the sun for the first time in my...#...LIFE and i have to fucking monitor myself every time i go outside and it's the warm season and i need a new pair of lighter work...#...pants but they don't sell above a size 18 for women even though men go up to like a size 45 which is like a size 24 or 26 in women's...#...and men's pants don't fit me bc i was blessed with the largest ass in the history of mankind' and i am so. fucking. tired.#of all the bullshit.#i feel miserable. my mom is buying me otc imodium bc i have NO IDEA when my prescription will come available. i just want the cramping...#...to stop. i've been having diarrhea all day every day since sunday. the cramps HURT and they keep me up at night. i haven't been...#...eating much bc there's so much shit moving around and hurting in my gut that i can't feel when i'm hungry and food doesn't soumd great.#so i'm weak and slow and tired and can't go to work and i'm using up all the sick days i was hoping to save up to visit my friend in...#...cyprus this winter. so that probably can't happen. but anyways. my mom came by while i was typing this out and i feel betterish.#personal
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