#nude hose

[heynatjane]

is anyone else obsessed with this set?

[coffeebeachbourbonnylons]

[slippingkim]

I was thinking bout Sunoo riding his s/o's face...

Just the thought of him sitting on your face when his cock is deep down your throat turns me on... He suffocating you with his soft thighs aa

🐄

warnings: smut, face riding, mentions of cum eating

pairings: sub!sunoo x softdom!reader

A/n: when I tell you my jaw was on the floor when I read this ask idk how I did 🏃‍♀️

nsfw | mdni ★

After a busy work week for you two where not much time left for fun was spent, sunoo was desperate for a release and since he was your spoiled princess of a boyfriend he always got what he want almost everyday but this week different. Throughout this week he would ask and ask, “nudes? ^^” you would receive a text from him or desperate whines for head or a simple hand job topped with a whiney voice and pouty lip. But finally the weekend rolled around where you finally got a minute to sit down and relax but annoyingly enough sunoo was still horny. “y/n?” he asked with a visible hard in his pants. You looked up from your phone with a glint of annoyance “yes?” you said with a lingering sigh. He only gave you a puppy eyed stare before speaking “..can we try something?”

20 minutes later

“Are you sure about this?” You asked laying on your back as he commanded before. “This is bold even for you..” you said looking up him unbuttoning his pants. “shh” he said beginning to crawl onto the bed where you laid nervously. After you gave the okay to sunoo he positioned himself sitting over you his length slowly entering your mouth as his soft warm thighs ate the rest of your face. His eyes clamped shut in sudden pleasure it was like he was using a fleshlight but it felt even better, he began thrusting in a little pattern not wanting to make you uncomfortable but trying to get to his release as fast as possible. Your small chokes and coughs muffled beneath him your face warming up like an oven as he rode your face like a bike. Quickly enough his back began to arch and his helpless whimpers formed into cries while his cock hit your uvula, he buried himself into your throat more pleading for his pent up needs to be exempt. As much as he wanted to cum in your throat he pulled away a few tears escaped his waterline before doing so, his seed shot out like a hose followed by a relived cry.

(I had no idea how to end this ☠️)

[katrotica]

Here's stunning Mariana Sanha photographed by the master, Ana Dias. A staple of Ana's photography (besides gorgeous nude girls) is interesting props, from hoses to pool toys, and in this case, squirt guns. I did make one small edit tho because the squirt gun was green and I thought that red would match Mariana's lips and nails better, so I changed it. So, ya Ana, if you're in need of a prop master, I'm your girl :)

[rainylana]

“Come on, my little crybaby.”

Eddie Munson x female reader

summary: hot day in hawkins. eddie shaves your legs, you play in shaving cream and the water hose, then have sex in the woods.

warnings: language, so much fluff it might make you throw up, eddie shaves reader’s legs, stereotypical differences in men and women about shaving, quoting from the graduate, sex in the woods, giggly sex, teasing, decrophylia. i gave eddie christopher as a middle name lol.

taglist!

@phantomxoxo @imdoingbetternow @imabadarsebard @fionnthebandersnacc @eddiemania @eddiemunson @ohlovelyhollow @tessiemessie @rovckwells @lillianofliterature @delilahtaylorsverson @aa-li-yah @ches-86 @xx-hospitalforsouls-xx-blog @catherinnn @flowers-and-tsukki @your-starless-eyes-remain @kellysimagines @blowing-mikey @underthebatcape @noturmom15 @supercalifragilisticprincess @tripthlightfantastic @itiscj @edzmunsonswife @hearts4laura @ultimate-sdmn-trash @chaos-incorp @livasaurasrex @mic429 @averysblog @antigoneidk @avobabe87 @lexthemess21 @nothisispatric @heeyitsg @genuine-possum @imangy @fvcking-gxddess @kneelforloki @actuallybarb @justaproudslytherpuff @no0neknowsm3 @cosmic-lavender @bellasfavoritesweatpants @cheri86 @insomniac-nerd-posts-things @ahzysauce @softyutae @kaqua

1987 would be known as the hottest summer in Hawkins, Indiana. There was never not a day where the sun was bearing down without a single cloud in the sky for coverage. And to make matters worse, mostly everyone’s air conditioners weren’t working to the city damaging electrical towers, so everyone in town had to suffer.

Most kids and parents spent their days at the city pool or playing in the hose out in the yard, or get drunk at the bar. The ac didn’t work at the bars, either, but people still went. Eddie’s trailer had to have been the most scorching place all of town. After all, he lived in a tin can for shits sake. There were box fans all over the living room, but that only blew hot air around, so it didn’t do much to help cool anyone down.

Eddie worked a few days at the radiator shop with Wayne, while you worked weekends at the library in town, so you both spent most blistering days squished together in the kiddie pool in his back yard with cheap, packaged lemonade he found in his cabinet. You couldn’t exactly go fully nude in public, but you’d get as close as you possibly could without the law being called.

Today, Eddie was sprawled out on the living room floor in just his blue checkered boxers, skin sweaty and sticky, dark curls glued to his neck and shoulders. The tv was playing the price is right in the corner, and you, had one leg propped up on the sink as you shaved your legs, dots of white shaving cream decorating the floor. Your hair was tangled in a fallen bun, your clothes, or lack of, only being your short biker shorts and a black sports bra.

“Goddamn, son of a bitchin’ piece of fuck.” You muttered under your breath, struggling with your balance as you shaved under your ankle.

Eddie cocked his head to look over at you, blinking away sweat. “Cut yourself again?”

“No.” You huffed. “Just don’t like doing this in here.”

“Why can’t you do it in the bathroom?”

“Because it’s too fucking hot in there.” You sent him a glare, one that made him roll his eyes as he sat up dizzily. The heat made everyone feel sickly. He coughed as he stood, wiping a bead of sweat as he came up behind you.

“Here,” He took the razor from your hand. “Sit. I’ll do it.” He gave your ass a light tap as you twisted and lifted yourself onto the counter tops. He put his hand under your knee and you pressed your foot against his rib, your leg streaked with shaving cream and water. He turned on the sink for a moment to wet the razed, bringing it up to your thigh and slowly dragging it down.

You hummed in satisfaction at being able to relax, leaning against the cabinet doors as you admired his naked chest. “Being a woman sucks.”

He chuckled, going over your knee. “That right?”

“Yes.” You grumbled through sweat. “You men don’t understand how difficult it is. We have to shave everything, and I grow back so damn fast I have to basically do it everyday.”

“Well, you know I’d still love you if you had harry legs.” He caught your eyes with a smirk, leaning over to rinse the razor under the tap. “Don’t matter to me if you want to rock a seventies bush or not. You never complain about mine.”

“You’re just saying that.” You crossed your arms, jutting your lip out in annoyance. You raised your brow as he put your left leg down and picked up your right. He was surprisingly very good at this. “None of my exes would be interested in having sex with a ten foot yard pole if I wasn’t completely shaved.”

“Yeah, well your exes were assholes, babe.” He raised a brow at you for a moment. “You can be as harry as you want to be with me, sweetheart. You know I don’t give a shit about that stuff.”

You grew flushed under his stare, feeling embarrassed. He waited until you nodded before he went back down to your leg. You went back to admiring him, thinking about how good he was to you. The bulge beneath his boxers was prominent, and you eyed it shamelessly. A bead of sweat dripped down your exposed stomach, and you shimmied uncomfortably in the heat.

“If you want me to finish, honey, you’re gonna have to stop staring at me like that.” He didn’t look at you to know that you were ogling him, a small smirk tugging at his top lip.

You grew increasingly aware of just how close to naked the both of you were, even though that was pretty much your normal attire for the past few weeks. Still, his crotch was only a few feet in front of yours, only covered by shorts that barely covered any skin. “Just admiring.” You said with a playful shrug, sneakily reaching your hand back to grab the bottle of shaving cream.

“You mean distracting.” He shook your leg to keep you still, squinting his eyes in concentration as he inspected your skin for more hair.

You bit your lip to keep from laughing as you noisily squirted more into your hand. “Need some more of this?”

“Yeah- maybe just on your thigh right th- ooof!” The loud splat of the shaving cream in your hand landed smack dap in his face, covering his forehead and his nose, white dots on his lips.

You howled with a laugh that shook your shoulders and you dropped the can, the look of pure shock and awe on his face.

“So that’s what I get, huh?” He placed a hand on his hip, bringing up the other to attempt to wipe of the disaster. “Try and help my girl out and I just get mistreated. You’re a real brat, ya know?”

You fake pouted and jutted your lip. “Aww, my poor baby, come here.”

“No, huh uh!” He jerked away in playful defiance, grabbing the small hand towel by the stove. “I see how it is.”

“Oh, come on, you crybaby I was kidding!” You tried to keep from laughing, hopping down from the counter to step up behind him.

“Eddie- AH!” You screamed and jumped when shaving cream was smacked across your lips, smudging your cheeks and dripping down your neck. “What the fuck!”

Eddie beamed happily, sticking out his tongue and placing his hands on his hips. “Suck it up, crybaby.”

You cringed and spat out with a shake of your head. “Ugh- gross! That shit got in my mouth!”

“Aww, my poor baby, come here.” He mocked you, taking a step, but only to smother your face with the white foam on his hands. He cackled as you screamed, smacking your ass as he bolted out the door.

“You fucker!” You yelled through giggles, practically loosing your balance from the force of his hand. You slipped on your footing as you tried to chase after him, face bright red through giggles as you followed after him. “Eddie!” You ran down the steps, wincing when you stepped on the gravel with your bare feet. You payed no mind to the fact you didn’t have much covering.

You ran around into the backyard, the blades of grass hot under your skin. You continued to wipe away shaving cream of your body when yet again, you screamed. You were knocked down again when Eddie sprayed you with the hose. The hose on full blast. “Eddie!” You screamed from the ground, jaw hung open in dismay. “What the hell!”

His hair was wet on the ends from spraying you, and he blew on the end of the hose like he was putting out the smoke from a hot gun. “If you’re gonna mess with the master, sweetness, you’re gonna have to up your game.”

While the water felt nice, you weren’t done playing around. “Well, are you at least gonna help me up?” You craned a brow.

He chuckled and tossed down the hose, holding out his hand for you. Halfway pulling you up, he let go, sending you back on your ass. You yelped and watched as he reared his head back in laughter and took off down the backyard hill towards the woods.

You couldn’t even say anything, just gasping in shock as you struggled to stand. “Edward Christopher Munson!” You chased after him.

You almost debated going back for shoes when you stepped over rocks and limbs as you entered the woods. You and Eddie spent a lot of time down there. Even spent the night sometimes by the creek. It was romantic. And while a lot of the trailer park kids went down there to play, you pretended it was your own special place. It was grassy and mossy on the fallen tree trunks and rocks, and dandelions decorated the forest floor.

“Eddie!” You twirled around with a smile. “Come out, come out, wherever you are!” You already knew he was trying to scare you, and you shivered slightly from the cold water now that you were in the shade. “Eddie!”

“Boo!”

You jumped when his hands grabbed your shoulders, twisting you around and pushing you back until you pressed up against a tree. You giggled as you wrapped your arms around his neck, locking your lips together as he knocked your knees apart. You kissed through smiles, sweat and leftover shaving cream. His tongue swiped over your teeth and he pushed his torso between your thighs, making you groan from his erection. You grabbed his hip and pushed yours against him, fisting his curls tightly.

“Somebody’s happy to see me.” You reached down palm him through his boxers. “Seducing me down here to get your dick sucked, Munson?”

He littered kisses on your neck, biting softly when you lightly squeezed his cock. “Oh, baby, you’d know if I was seducing you.” He licked the shell of your ear. “Would you like me to seduce you?”

You erupted into giggles that made him smile against your skin, and you rolled your hips into his as tree bark scraped against your back. You were sure you’d have blood when you were finished.

You moaned sweetly in his ear, your stomach fluttering to life that made your head spin. “When do- ah, when do you think the ac w-will be back on- on?”

“That’s what you’re thinking about right now?” He chuckled, pulling away to push your hair out of your face. “Ac units get you going, do they?”

You never felt insecure with Eddie. Not really. But still, self doubt always crept it’s way in from time to time. You blushed deeply and he saw your eyes flash for a moment. You looked nervous.

“What’s wrong?” He narrowed his eyes, thumb tracing your lips.

“Well,” You swallowed, briefly glancing down. “I’ve not- well, I didn’t finish shaving. You know- well- down there.”

He stared for a minute to see if you were messing with him, then he rolled his eyes. “Shut up.” He brushed your hands away to kiss you passionately, tilting your head back onto the tree. Your noses squished together and your tongues tangled. He reached for your thighs and gave them a light tap, signaling you to jump.

You quickly discarded your shorts and panties and jumped, your bodies slick and wet with lust and perspiration.

“God, I love you.” He husked against you, barely pushing down his boxers so he could pull his cock out. “And your hair.”

You whimpered as he lined his cock with your slit, adjusting his hold with you. “I love- oh,” You saw stars when he pushed into you, your muscles pushing and pulling to adjust to his girth. “Fuck, fuck,” You winced, gripping his shoulder.

He pressed his lips against yours to shut you up, and thrusted into you slowly to give you time to adjust. He kissed you slow and sweet, rocking your gently. You wrapped your arms around his neck to hold him close, tears already brimming your eyes at the fullness in your belly.

“You’re so good to me.”

He smirked at your shaky voice, his lips against your jaw as he put more force into his hips. He reached up to grab hold of your arm. “Because you’re my good little girl.” He buried his face in your neck as he thrusted sharply, and you squealed as your bare back scraped against the back, your bra being the only protection you had.

“Oh, fuck!” You yelped, your legs shaking with his pace. He grunted hotly into your ear, holding your hip in place to keep you from squirming so much. You hoped to god no kids would come down for an afternoon swim, because you were not being discreet whatsoever. You panted loudly through tears that leaked down your neck.

Scratches and small cuts formed on your back with each thrust, your stomach coiled and you whimpered loudly when his rough hand came down to your clit. You didn’t feel insecure about your pubic hair this time. Eddie’s eyes pierced into yours, glossing over from ecstasy and pleasure. He pressed his forehead against yours, thrusting harder and needier, sloppier as his orgasm got closer.

“Eddie, I’m- god, I’m gonna cum-” You sobbed, eyes fluttering open and close. You felt blood drip down your back, your skin stinging.

He nodded quickly, gasping as he kissed you hard. “Cum with me.” He rubbed quick and sloppy circles on your clit and you shook and cried, your body convulsing as your orgasm took over. Your eyes went blind and you hyperventilated in his arms, legs around him squeezing as his cock shot his load into you.

“Fuck.” He cursed, biting your shoulder as you squeezed his cock. Your tears hit his shoulders, and you almost thought you were going to faint from how quick your head was spinning.

When he moved to pull away, you squeezed his arm. “No, don’t.” You swallowed. “I don’t think I can stand.”

He laughed breathily and kissed at a tear, nodding.

“And I think my back might be bleeding.” You patted him, eyes closing from exhaustion.

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry.” He gently pulled out of you, causing you to wince at the emptiness. “Turn around, let me see.”

You shook your head. “Can’t stand, Ed. M’ serious.”

He chuckled and tucked himself back into his boxers, picking you up gently to carry you back up to the house. You laid your head on his chest and smiled. “Come on, my little crybaby.”

[rafecameronsmistress]

“Are you in the shower?”

[description] Fem Reader x Rafe Cameron

[summary] After a long day at work your boyfriend helps you relieve stress

[cw + tw] 18+ CONTENT MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, smut, strong language

[authors note] feedback & requests are always welcome

‼️WARNING: ADULT CONTENT AHEAD‼️

Enjoy 🖤

_____________________________________________

“babe?” i yell out from the bathroom after hearing a door shut

“yeah, it’s me” Rafe answers “are you in the shower?”

“i’m getting in now” i reply

i step in and stand under the shower head basking in the warmth letting the water roll over my entire body

i snap out of my day dream when i hear clothes heaping onto the floor

the shower door slides open, Rafe is standing there completely nude with a devilish smirk, i can’t help but notice he’s fully erect

he steps in and wraps his arms around me from behind nuzzling his face into my neck

i allow myself to melt into his strength, it’s been a long day, i close my eyes and indulge in this connection between us

“how was your day baby?” he asks softly

“it was alright” i say unconvincingly

“just alright?” the tone in his voice shifts “what can i do to make it better, hmm?” he presses his soft lips to my neck, leaving a trail of love down to my shoulder

his touch sends shivers down my spine “i guess i could think of one thing” i say teasingly while pushing myself against his manhood

i can feel him smile against my skin and that’s when his hands begin to search for their next victim, he grabs hold of both of my breasts and rolls my nipples in between his fingers

i take a deep breath in and lean my my head back on his shoulder, Rafe licks and sucks on my neck, i let out a sweet soft moan into his ear

the water is pounding on my hard nipples causing a tingling sensation between my thighs, i squeeze my legs together to enhance the feeling

one of his hands slides down the front of my body in search of my sweet spot, he runs a finger down my slit causing me to buck my hips into him “you want me?” he asks kissing my cheek

“mmhmm” i mumble, i reach my hand down to guide him and i push 2 of his fingers into my cunt, “fffuck-“

he slightly curls his long fingers while pumping them in and out of me, i can feel an orgasm building in my stomach

“right there Rafe” i whimper

“that feel good baby?” he growls in my ear

“don’t stop” i beg

he pulls his fingers out of me and sticks them in his mouth sucking off every last bit of my nectar

“Rafe please-“ i sigh, disappointed i was just deprived of an orgasm

he reaches in front of me grabbing the shower hose off the mount “put your leg up on the tub” he demands, i do as he says

he switches the shower head to the jet setting and places it directly on my clit, my body jumps at the sensation

“oh- fuck -“ i lose my breath

“how does that feel pretty girl?” he asks

i let out guttural moans in response, my legs begin to quiver as the jet relentlessly pounds my pussy

“cum for me” Rafe pressures me

my breaths become rapid, sharp inhales and exhales, “i’m cumming” i warn him

my body releases me into a state of euphoria, i lose all control

“that’a girl let it out” he groans, while holding up my limp body “that’s it baby”

he replaces the shower head and holds me until i’m steady on my feet again, rubbing his hands up and down my recovering body

i grab hold of his hands, pulling them up and kissing them

“pass me your shampoo” Rafe says “let’s get you cleaned up so we can go to bed”

[quickiesgirl]

Girls On Film - Robin Buckley

Paring: Mechanic!Robin Buckley x Fem!Reader

Warning: 18+, Smut, Modern Day AU, Dom/Sub, Nudes, Sexting At Work, Masturbation, Vaginal Fingering, Dirty Talk.

A/N: I’ve had this idea for weeks but barely had the energy to write lately. Hoping to get back on my weekly schedule soon. Thanks for being patient.

Robin slid out from under an older, beat-up truck and lifted from the ground, brushing her hands down the sides of her oil-stained blue jeans. 

She leaned back into the tall wooden bench of the little mechanic shop she worked at and picked up her half-empty Coca-Cola can, taking a quick sip of the flat soda while glancing over at the men working to her right. 

Her short brown hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, the sleeves of her blue and black, button-up flannel rolled up her forearm, and a white hand towel hanging from her back pocket. 

A soft sigh escaped her lips as she undid the top two buttons of her flannel, ready to get out of these clothes and into a nice cool shower with you in her arms. She went into her pocket and pulled out her phone, noticing recent text messages sent from you that she instantly tapped on. 

Her pretty blue eyes widened with lust, gawking at the phone in front of her and the explicit pictures she was seeing. Your beautiful tits on full display and your thighs teasingly pressed together, revealing your neatly trimmed bush. You gazed into the camera with those big, submissive “fuck me” eyes you always give her when you're horny. 

Robin looked all around her and quickly responded. You sat at the edge of the bed with a mischievous smirk spread across your face as her text bubble appeared. 

‘Holy shit, babe, that’s not the best thing to send me when I’m around my co-workers!’ 

‘Why? I miss you… 🥺’ 

‘That's obvious, sweetheart. But, I nearly moaned in front of everybody when I opened this.’ 

‘Aww, you liked it?’ 

‘Of course, I did, bby. You look fucking beautiful!’ 

You blushingly smiled and began filming yourself, panning down to your tits that were being cupped and massaged by your hands. You let out little, desperate whimpers and intentionally loud, pornographic moans just to tease the shit out of her.  

“Oh fuck…” Robin whispered in a husky tone beneath her breath, keeping the screen close to her as she ogled in silence, admiring how you squeezed at your soft breasts, your nipples erect between your fingers, and your body twitching every time you’d pinch or ghost over them. 

 Her pussy grew wetter by the minute. 

‘I wanna suck on those fucking tits so bad. I can't wait to get home to you, baby girl.’ 

You passionately tugged on your bottom lip, feeling heat rush to your cheeks. Whether it’s in person or through a text message, she always knew how to make you flustered. 

‘Are you busy right now, babe?’ 

‘A little, but why do you ask?’ Robin answered back, knowing damn well what you desired, just wanting to see you admit it. 

‘I just wanna watch you play with yourself for a minute, please?’ 

‘Since you asked so nicely, I'll give you what you want. Just give me a minute, okay?.’ 

‘Okay, but hurry. I’m needy <3’ 

Robin decided now would be the perfect time for her break, and after washing her hands with the hose outside the garage, she hopped into her car. Luckily tucked away in the back of the parking lot, behind the other empty vehicles, she had some privacy to sit down and shimmy her jeans and panties down to her ankles. 

She pointed the camera down and kept it there while she slowly moved her hands down her full, muscular thighs and drove her fingers through her soaking wet pussy. The chipped, black polish on her nails outlined her pink, fleshy folds before retreating to her small clitoris that pulsated under her touch, which she delicately began to rub. 

Her body was melting into the driver's seat as she imagined her tongue licking away your pussy, taking in your sweet aroma with your thighs clenched around her head and your hands buried in her hair, only pushing her deeper. 

She moaned your name softly, her blue eyes fluttering from the sensation before pausing the video and sending it your way, not stopping for a single second as she waited for your reply. 

You ogled the screen and slipped two digits inside your tight cunt, responding with the other hand while you were knuckles deep, coated in arousal, and stuffed in your leaking pussy, curling against your g-spot with your thumb grazing across your clitoris. 

‘fuck, robs, I’m so wet for you.’

Robin's pussy clenched around nothing after reading your message, only imagining how needy she made you and how that addicting taste could be gushing across her lips and tongue. 

 ‘Show me, baby girl.’ 

You could practically hear the dominants coming out of her, causing you to roughly bite your bottom lip between your teeth and do as told. Propping your phone on a rolled-up blanket in front of you and recording yourself as you spread your thighs open, showing off your aching, swollen pussy just for your girlfriend’s eyes to see. 

“I-I wish you were inside me, Robs~ mhm~ I wanna feel your fingers fucking me- and stretching out my pussy. F-forcing me to ride them between your deep thrusts, oh my god.” Your voice shuddered between breathy moans, head falling back in pleasure, and back arching off the pillows that kept you up. 

Your girlfriend watched you desperately fuck yourself, already getting closer and closer to the release you so desperately craved.

 Fuck, she wanted to be there to take care of your needs and make her baby girl feel so good. But knowing that you, her fucking beautiful girlfriend, was getting off to these little videos drove her wild. 

‘please, baby, I’m so close. I wanna watch you cum.’ you begged through your message, making your girlfriend smirk. The thrill of potentially getting caught while she filmed little videos for her girlfriend turned her on so much. 

“Such a good girl~” Robin’s lustful gaze eating you up through the phone screen, and her hand building speed against her sensitive bud that she massaged in circles, legs shuddering as the tension in her abdomen grew closer to snapping, thinking about the image of your perfect tits and that beautiful pussy she loved dearly. 

Her breathing grew heavy, and her moans grew louder, she wasn’t concerned about someone else hearing instead she was speaking loud as she pleased, “Oh my god baby, look what you do to me, gonna make me cum when I’m supposed to be working... Bet you’re close too, sweetheart, are you gonna be a good girl and- cum for me?... Come on, baby, c-cum for me, cumhm~mh!”  

You cried out in pleasure, and your wet plush walls spasmed around your fingers as you dissolved into a lustful orgasmic high, releasing your juices across your fingers. Robin's head pushed back, groaning loudly and experiencing her own euphoria. 

She pushed a loose strand of her hair behind the tip of her red, blushed ear that traveled down along to her cheeks before the video ended altogether. 

You sent over a picture of the white, milky arousal spilled across your inner thighs and down your ass cheeks. Robin admired the picture with a soft smile, replying back with, ‘Aww, baby, look at the mess you’ve made.’ before saving it to her camera roll. 

‘Thank you for letting me cum. <33’ 

‘Of course, bby! We’ve definitely got to do this more often. I have to get back to work, but I promise I'll hurry up and try to get home to you as soon as possible. ;)’ 

‘We’ll talk about it when you get home. I love you.’ 

‘Love you too, sweetheart. ♥️’

[girlcrushart]

Over on Katrotica, because of the discovery of my favourite new photographer of nude girls, I've gone a little Ana Dias crazy. And while Ana's specialty is most definitely lovingly crafted photos of exquisitely beautiful nude women, occasionally she'll include some slightly-less-nude pics in a collection. Which led to today's sister posts here and on Katrotica. Usually when I do this I tend to pick quite different photos of the girl, but these pics of Miki Hamano with a hose were just too good not to double up on. Here's one version, with a strtegically placed hose, and here's another one, with an also stratigically placed hose! Today's girlcrushart guardian is Miki Hamano.

[b4mpyre-k1zz3s]

Anything But Clean

Y/N stops for a car wash, not realizing how dirty it’d be!

Johnny Knoxville X Fem!Reader, Chris Pontius X Fem!Reader, Bam Margera X Fem!Reader

987 Words

Warnings: Extremely suggestive content, minimal plot

An: This fic is based off of the Jackass car wash photoshoot, only with some particular liberties taken by myself (namely they’re all shirtless ;) and Chris is here because it’s a crime he wasn’t in the irl shoot)! Very steamy compared to the things I normally write, but short and sweet nonetheless! I wanted to try and see how shorter fics r received, so let me know your thoughts on this!

There were about a thousand car washes in New York City, but your eye was drawn to this one in particular for a reason you couldn’t place. The bold text on the sign read, “New! Gentle Touch Car Wash! ‘A Whale of a Wash!’” It certainly looked far from new, but as long as the bird shit and bug guts got scrubbed off of your windshield, you would be happy.

But as you pulled up a little closer, you had to do a double take at the sight before you. Most people are used to the idea of bikini car washes- girls in bikinis standing out in front of car washes, wiggling and giggling, all scantily clad and such, but you weren’t expecting what you actually saw as traffic slowed just enough for you to get a good look at the scene. Standing outside in the 60 degree fall chill was a handsome, long haired man clad in nothing but an orange mankini, sneakers, and a smile. It was a wonder he hadn’t caused a crash yet. There was something so charming about how he didn’t seem embarrassed in the slightest as he hammed it up out there, strutting around and striking poses. The sign he was holding read in bold letters, “Car Wash! 5$! Best hand job in New York!” It was impossible to keep yourself from staring and giggling, especially when he turned around, giving everyone in traffic a wonderful view of his butt and the ‘CAR’ ‘WASH’ he had sharpied on each ass cheek. Oh, you had to go there.

When you pulled in, you thought that maybe the nearly nude man you saw out front was the extent of this scantily clad car wash experience when a guy wearing one of those standard car wash uniforms started hosing down your car. He seemed semi-disinterested as he lazily wet down your vehicle, the water running down the smudgy glass.

Suddenly, everything got all Chippendales. Almost as if on cue, the blond man who was wetting down your car unzipped his uniform, tying the sleeves around his hips. Your eyes went wide. He was pretty built- maybe not a male model, but you definitely weren’t going to stop staring at him. You were tempted to say something, some joking comment about him bundling up so he wouldn't catch a cold, but you couldn’t before three other half clothed dudes came out of nowhere and oh my god they were all hot- absurdly hot and they were all over you. All over your car, sorry.

You went into this knowing that your car wasn't coming out of this spotless, but you really knew it wasn’t going to now. One of the men, the one with the sunglasses and ruggedly handsome facial hair that walked with movie star confidence, happened to catch your eye. He must’ve also caught how you were gawking at him because he decided to lean over your windshield, squishing his muscular yet soft torso against the glass. He was tanned, perfectly toned, and from how he moved he knew it. His body was so close, you could feel the heat radiating through the glass as he scrubbed it with one of those big yellow sponges, stealing grinning glances at your transfixed, nearly drooling expression. Oh, he liked this. On your side window, the mankini clad muscular gentleman that you saw with the sign out front exaggeratedly rubbed his crotch against your window, his hands folded behind his head, imitating a male stripper and doing it well. On your passenger side window, the one with the head full of dark curls was rubbing bubbly circles on the glass…with his ass. You were in heaven.

And just when you thought it couldn’t get better. “Hey! Hose-boy Dunn! Hit me!” The man to your right called out, making a gesture with his hand before the one with the hose rolled his eyes and turned it towards him, drenching him with the water. The sparkling liquid sprayed over his body, dripping down his pale torso towards the heartagram tattoo that sat low on his hips as he shook his hair out like a dog, raking a hand through it like one of those guys in those Calvin Klein ads. You were about eye level with the crotch of the one washing your window as he squeezed the water soaked fabric, feeling kind of perverted as you watched him get a hard on, dramatically groaning as he was also sprayed. But the worst was when the one you had your eye on got soaked next, making a big show of rinsing the soap bubbles off his chest, rubbing and squeezing at it teasingly with this cockiness that made your face heat up.

And just at that moment, right at the pinnacle of that whole extravaganza, that’s when you got a little tap on your window. You jumped, being shaken out of your lusty trance. Your eyes went wide as you hurriedly scrounged around in your purse, coughing up a twenty as you rolled down the window with your other hand. Just then, you were face to face with that hot guy that was just all spread out on your hood a few minutes ago, maybe six inches nose to nose. Panicking, you shoved the money towards him, red as a tomato. He chuckled, taking it graciously, his warm hand brushing against yours. His voice was sweet, charming, vaguely southern as he leaned into your window, practically halfway in your car, “Thank’y ma’am.”

Through all of it, there was one question on your mind, and you finally worked up enough guts to ask him. “Will- will you be here tomorrow?” He shook his head, smiling a little, “No ma’am. Just for today- I’m very flattered, though.” You sighed. Even if tomorrow everything got Cinderella’d back to normal, you’d always have the memories of that trip to the car wash.

[starshine-hockey-girl]

Here is my late entry for the Valentine's fic exchange. It is my first attempt at player/player HRPF. @deformed-globule, I hope you like it.

I also apologize that it got long. Actually, i should he sorry, but I am not.

Summary- My best guess to answer the question that has been haunting hockeylbr since the All-Star game. How and why was Sidney Crosby wearing Nate Mackinnon's hoodie during his post-game interview?

@pattiemac1 @penstxgal1968 @angry-geno-is-score @newlibrary @cellythefloshie @hockeyficexchange

Wednesday- January 31st- Nate MacKinnon’s hotel room

Nate watched as Cale Makar stood at the door and looked out into the hall. Cale looked back and forth several times to ensure that the hallway was clear before turning back to Nate. “So…. uhhhh…. I guess I will see you at breakfast? Maybe we can have round two before the Skills Competition,” the soft spoken defenseman said.

“I’m not sure,” Nate yawned as he wrapped the towel around his nude body. He had just started the shower and was anxious to get his latest conquest out of his room as quickly as possible. He was fully anticipating a video call from Sid, especially once the photo Nate had sent to him was opened.

“Oh, okay,” Cale replied, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice.

“Don’t worry Kid,” Nate grimaced slightly, “I won’t leave you hanging.”

With that, Cale smiled and rushed down the hall towards his room. He had a naive fear of being caught doing the “walk of shame” down the hall. He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he almost ran into Leon Draisaitl walking towards his room. Smiling at the near collision, it dawned on him that Leon was walking from the direction of Matthew Tkachuk’s room. The term “walk of shame” took on an entirely different tone during the ASG and Cale pondered just how many of his fellow All Stars would be taking the same walk during the next three days.

Inside Nate’s room, Nate stared at his phone. The message containing his nude selfie with Cale’s bare ass in the background had been seen by Sidney, but there was no response. After another fifteen minutes, Nate contemplated sending another message to provoke a response. It was a move that made him feel needy, but dammit, he NEEDED to know Sid’s response to the picture. Finally, the young buck couldn’t take the suspense any longer. He FaceTimed Sid who picked up while reclining on his hotel bed wearing nothing but a pair of boxers.

Nate: Hey Sid

Sidney: Nate

Nate bit his lip before speaking: So, did you see the draft?

Sidney: No, I was busy. I saw the line-up though. Not bad.

Nate felt the flame of anger light in his gut. Not only had Sid not told him that he wouldn’t be at the draft, but he didn’t even have time to watch it. Nate had been selected as a team captain, after all, and he made sure to draft Sid as his first pick.

Nate spit out: Not bad? So not bad but not good? Well, maybe if I hadn’t been thrown off by you being represented by a damn toddler, I would have been more focused

Sidney yawned: Don’t overthink it Nate. It doesn’t really matter what team you end up on during the All Star game. Everything is usually pretty equal talent-wise. Although we might be hosed during a penalty kill.

Nate snarked: Well, then try not to take any dumbass penalties, Sid.

Sid leveled his gaze at Nate: Need anything else?

Nate responded without thinking: Did you get my pic?

Sid answered tersely: Yes, I did. Makar has a nice ass by the way.

Nate inwardly seethed. Sid was completely nonchalant by the knowledge that he fucked Cale. In the seven years since they had become “friends with benefits”, it had been generally accepted by both that what happened when they were apart in different cities went unquestioned.

It was that fact that made Sidney question why exactly Nate had sent such an obvious thirst trap picture. Then it dawned on Sidney that Nate was pissed about the draft. Sure he should have communicated better he thought, but it wasn’t like Nate was his girlfriend. “No, boyfriend,” Sidney corrected himself. Either way, Nate wasn’t entitled to an explanation and it irritated him that he reacted this way.

Nate finally came up with a response: Yeah, it was a nice ass to tap.

Immediately, Nate felt a pang of regret. It was a shitty thing to say about The Kid. It was a shitty thing to use him as a means to make Sid jealous. Nate paused. “Jealous?” Nate questioned himself, “Why would I want to make Sid jealous?”

Sidney responded with disinterest: “Was it good?”

Nate had repeated in disbelief: “Was it good?” “You don’t give a fuck?”

Sidney yawned and examined his feelings with a coldness that further infuriated his younger….. He paused to think of the correct term. What exactly was Nate to him? They definitely fell into the more than friends camp, but were they in a relationship? Definitely not. However in his gut, a tiny seed of something grew. It felt like a weird combination of jealousy, anger and outright annoyance.

Sidney and Nate’s physical relationship began at Sidney’s 2017 Stanley Cup party. A very drunk Nate followed Sidney up to his bedroom at the end of the night. When an equally drunk Sidney suggested that he walk home, Nate made his move with a sloppily drunken kiss. He moaned into Sidney's mouth, “Don't want to go home. I want to be fucked.”

It was an unexpected offer to Sidney, but not an unwelcome one. He had often imagined what it would be like to take the younger man. Solo jerk off sessions after their intense and competitive workouts had become routine. He wondered how his extremely fit body would feel in his hands. Sidney paused to contemplate the ethics involved. “How drunk are you?” Sidney asked before he returned Nate's kiss.

“Sober enough to consent,” Nate slid his hands under Sidney’s shirt, “I am also a grown ass man and I know what I want.” It was as if Nate had read his mind. It was just enough to release Sidney's tenuous hold on his last inhibition. He pulled Nate into the room and slammed the door shut. Nate grinned as he raced to strip. Sidney was slower and more deliberate in his actions. Nate gasped when Sidney’s semi-erect cock sprung out of his boxers.

“Is this your first time?” Sidney asked as he stroked his cock, getting it fully erect. Nate shook his head no. “Get ready for me,” Sidney drawled with seduction. Nate scampered onto the bed. Nate felt Sidney's large thighs behind his as his hands gripped Nate's hips. Sidney leaned forward and nipped at Nate's neck, “How do you want it?”

The blonde looked back at his hockey hero. “Any way you want to take it,” he answered. His eyes half closed in a state of extreme arousal and disbelief. He had dreamed of this moment for years. “Hard and fast it is,” Sidney smiled as he thrusted.

Sidney shook his head and pushed the memory out of his mind. Nate had fumed on the other end of the line. Sidney paused, unsure what to say. He wasn’t sure what emotion he was feeling, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to admit anything to Nate. “You’re free to do whatever you want, with whomever you want,” Sidney finally replied as coolly as possible.

On the other end of the line, Nate’s face reddened.

Nate: Fine, I will.

Nate ended the call abruptly and turned off his phone. He was sure that Sid would call back immediately. Sidney did not.

Thursday- February 1st- Scotiabank Arena

Sidney glanced at his phone once again as stepped out of the SUV at the All Star Game red carpet. Nate had continued his radio silence after the drunken phone call the night before. When Sidney walked into the assigned locker room, his eyes searched for Nate. He saw him huddled his fellow Avs - Cale and Georgie.

An awe-inspired silence fell over the room when Sidney walked into the locker room. It happened frequently these days when the younger players from other teams came into close proximity to their childhood hockey hero. All eyes turned to Sidney in various levels of adoration. All eyes except for Nate who felt the weight of Sid's eyes on him. He stubbornly looked at the floor and refused to acknowledge him. Sidney blinked then proceeded to his locker to dress, exchanging head nods with everyone else. Cale looked between the two friends and pondered the obvious tension.

Nate kept his focus on Cale, openly bantering with him. Sidney watched for a moment. In all of the years he had known Nate, the younger man had never failed to acknowledge him. The strange, unnamed feeling from the night before returned. The one that he had been trying to stuff down most of the morning and during flight to Toronto. Like most men when confronted by a difficult emotion, he turned it into anger. “Who in the fuck did he think was? Like I am going to be jealous of Salad boy,” Sidney thought to himself. “Any one of these guys would die to have my attention and you want to ignore me, Nate? Go ahead play with your new conquest. I will find my own.”

With that, Sidney turned his attention to Tom Wilson with a smile. “Are you here to give moral support to our boys or did you just want to spend time with me?” Sidney said flirtatiously. Nate’s ears perked up but he willed himself not to look.

“It can’t be both?” Wilson smiled back, “I won’t be on the ice today. I guess I will have to admire you from afar.”

“Just like always,” Sidney shot back, “I see you sneaking glances my way during games.” Nate’s head swiveled around and his eyes widened. Sid was openly flirting with Wilson. He was openly flirting with Wilson IN FRONT OF HIM.

Wilson inwardly laughed. He had been in the league long enough and was smart enough to realize that Sidney’s sudden flirtatiousness was not for his benefit, but MacKinnon’s. Despite that knowledge, he decided to play along because frankly he didn’t have anything better to do. The fact that it irritated the other golden boy from Nova Scotia? That was just an added bonus.

“You know I can’t help myself, Sid,” Wilson flirted, “That ass cannot be ignored.”

“Who says I want you to ignore it?” Crosby shot back.

Nate couldn’t take it anymore and stomped off towards the ice. Makar followed after him. Wilson laughed out loud, “Poor NateDogg - no longer Sid’s golden boy.”

“Shut up, Willie,” Sidney snapped.

“Or maybe he is,” Wilson answered coolly.

“It’s complicated,” Sidney said before he got up to walk to the rink. He turned to Wilson and smiled, “Thanks for the assist though. I appreciate it.”

“Anytime, anytime,” Wilson smiled, “I’ll be glad to keep it up. Get him worked into a lather for you.” Sidney winked at Wilson and kept walking.

The Skills Competition essentially became a battle of two peacocks. Nate and Sidney both vying for the attention of the other by any means necessary. Nate hung tight with Cale, flirting shamelessly. Sidney flitted from young admirer to young admirer, mesmerizing them with his presence before leaving them with titillating hope of more. On the surface, the two appeared calm and collected. They joked superficially and appeared to be the same long-time friends that they had successfully projected into the world through the years. Beneath the surface, they battled to remain in control of the seething jealousy.

In the locker room after the skills competition, talk turned to evening celebrations. Nate made the first move and loudly pronounced his intent to go to a club with his fellow Avs. Sidney casually threw out that he had been invited to History, Drake’s nightclub. That announcement led to almost everyone else in the locker room to ask for an invite as well. Sidney was more than happy to text his new minions to the guest list. He threw out a half-hearted invitation to Nate which was soundly declined.

Friday - February 2nd- Scotiabank arena - Team MacKinnon locker room

Sidney threw his stick against the wall in disgust. Anger pulsating through his veins. Nate followed behind with proverbial steam coming out of his ears. The rest of Team MacKinnon followed in confused silence. “Yes, losing sucked” Oliver Bjorkstrand pondered, “but it’s just the All Star game. It’s not like the points counted.’

“What the fuck was that, Sid,” Nate screamed.

Sidney swiveled around, “What was what?”

“You missed your shoot out shot. You cost us the game,” Nate yelled.

“First, watch your tone with me. Second, you missed your shot right after me,” Sidney yelled back.

“Are you saying that I cost us the game,” the blonde huffed. The remaining players in the locker room looked back and forth as the two friends volleyed accusations at each other.

“I am saying that maybe you should have considered a penalty kill in your draft strategy,” Sidney said through clenched teeth.

“Maybe you should have been there if you were so concerned about draft strategy instead of sightseeing god damn bears and wolves!” Nate responded.

Sidney took a breath and looked around the room. Expressions ranged from the total amusement of Tom Wilson to the shock and awe of Makar. Sidney grabbed onto the bench to keep himself from walking over to the defenseman to slap the expression off his face. “Fuck this,” Sidney muttered, “I refuse to be a spectacle because you are behaving like a spoiled child.” He gathered his things and walked out of the back door into the hallway.

Nate watched in disbelief. “Where in the fuck do you think that you are going?” he thought to himself. His mind raced back to Wednesday and the blythe way Sid had dismissed his veiled cries for attention. He got up and followed him down the hall. Sid checked doors until he found an empty physical therapy room unlocked. He went and threw his stuff down. He was almost undressed when Nate entered the room. The rest of players looked at each other for a moment and scampered down the hall to listen.

“Don’t walk away from me, Sid,” Nate hissed.

“I am not going to indulge your temper tantrum, Nate,” Sidney shot back.

Nate crossed to him in a fury.

“What did you say to me?” Nate questioned.

“I said that I am not going to indulge your temper tantrum,” Sidney responded coolly. The detached tone fueled MacKinnon’s repressed anger.

“Like I am a god damn baby?” Nate laughed.

“Like a damn baby in need of a pacifier,” Sidney spit out.

The duo stared at each other, nostrils flared and chests heaving. In a split second, the anger turned to unbridled passion.

“I don’t need a pacifier but I want to suck on something,” Nate whispered. Sid smiled and tore off his remaining clothes. Nate pushed him until his ample ass bounced off the padded table. Sid pushed himself up onto the table and spread his legs. Silently he offered Nate the object of his desire- his thick and throbbing cock.

Nate began to suck like it was the first time they had explored each other’s bodies. The anger had fully subsided into pure passion. It was aggressive and rough. Sid’s large fingers grabbed onto Nate’s hair and guided him up and down. Nate, however, required no guidance. A silent look was exchanged and Nate stood up. Sid hopped down and Nate bent over the table.

“Is this what you want?” Sid hissed.

“Shut up and fucking give it me,” Nate hissed back.

Sid poured the unspoken anger of the last two days into his fucking. His jealousy of Nate fucking Cale, his anger at Nate’s passive aggressiveness over the past two days, the disappointment of losing to fucking Connor McDavid fueled his relentless thrusts.

Nate felt his anger fading away, replaced with the subtle confidence that Sid did, indeed, still want him. The jealousy faded as Sid fucked him like his life depended on it. The grunt and groans filled the room. Their usual banter replaced animalistic noises as they expressed their emotions in the only way they knew how. Sid collapsed in a heap on top of Nate momentarily before wrapping his arm around Nate’s waist. His hand stroked feverishly, bringing Nate to a quick orgasm. Nate’s back rose up and down as he collected this thoughts and let his breathing slow down.

Sid gently kissed Nate’s back and Nate froze. He allowed Sid to feather kisses across his shoulder blades. Sid seemed to be conveying something, but Nate wasn’t clear on the message. He was torn on wanting to let it continue and the need to know what the message was. He pushed up and turned around to face Crosby.

“What? All of the sudden you give a shit about me?” Nate quizzed.

“Of course, I give a shit about you Nate,” Sidney answered quietly.

“Right, you really gave a shit about me when you skipped the draft,” Nate accused, “I needed you and you bailed on me.”

“You needed me? Why?” Sidney answered, truly perplexed. “All of this is because I missed the draft? Seriously?” Nate reached for his sweatpants and shook his head. “Look at me, Nate,” Sidney commanded. Nate continued to look down. “Look at me please?” Sidney asked instead of ordered.

Nate looked up, the pain evident in his eyes. Sidney continued, “I didn’t know that you really wanted me there and I didn’t certainly didn’t know that you needed me there.” He ran his fingers through his silver and gray hair. “I thought I was doing the right thing, Nate,” Sidney explained, “I thought me not being there would allow the spotlight to be on you. I thought it would give you a chance to shine.”

“You wanted me to shine?” Nate asked softly, “That’s why you stayed away?”

Sidney pulled up his sweatpants, “You were selected to be a captain. It’s a big deal. I didn't want to take attention from you.”

“Really? You expect me to believe that? What did you say the other night Sid? You’re free to do whatever you want, with whomever you want,” Nate accused.

“You are,” Sidney replied as neutrally as possible. “You are free to fuck anyone you want. That doesn't change that I want the best for you.” Inwardly Sidney's heart raced. This conversation was getting close to dangerous emotional territory.

Nate stared at Sidney for a moment. The unspoken emotion simmered beneath the surface. Finally, Nate spoke, unable to stop himself, “You-you're what's good for me.”

“What?” Sidney gasped, “What did you say?”

Nate took a step toward Sidney, “I don't want anyone else but you.” He began to say before Sidney kissed him mid-sentence. The kiss was soft and gentle, completely different than any other of their shared kisses.

“Me too. I only want you- no one else,” Sidney moaned as his tongue languidly explored Nate's mouth.

Nate pulled back, “Seriously?“

“I only want you,” Sidney reiterated as Nate grabbed him and pulled into his body. They were both absorbed in the kiss when there was a soft knock on the door.

“Uhhhh, guys?” Oliver Bjorkstrand said, “They're looking for you. Neither of you did your post game media before you uhhhh.” He paused to think of a polite way to say retreated into an empty therapy room to fuck like animals.

Sidney called out, “Tell them you found me. I'll be right there.” In the hall, the members of Team MacKinnon scrambled back to the locker room. In the room, Sidney grinned at Nate, “I'll go first and let my captain have the last word” He grabbed a hoodie, threw it on, and kissed Nate quickly before rushing out the door.

Nate stared at the door for a brief moment before reaching for his hoodie. He grabbed the remaining hoodie and saw the 87 on the right side. It took a moment for the meaning to sink in. “If I have Sid's hoodie,” he thought to himself, “Where is my hoodie? Shit, Sid has my hoodie.”

He raced to open the door. He called out to Sid, “Wait, you have the wrong hoodie,” Sid turned, looked the number on the hoodie and shrugged. Then he flashed a grin, pointed to the number and then to his heart. Nate stared for a moment before a sly grin spread across his face.

Later that night - Vince Dunn’s condo - Bellevue, Washington

Dunn looked up at the TV screen from his position between Larsson’s massive thighs. He did a double take when he saw the number 29 on Sidney Crosby’s chest. He turned to Larsson who looked down in mild annoyance to the interruption of the blow job he had been receiving. “Is Sid wearing MacKinnon’s hoodie?” Dunn asked in disbelief.

“Gubben,” the ginger spoke, “Focus.”

Dunn pouted slightly, “At least he isn't wearing some rookie's jersey like SOMEONE I know.”

Larsson gently grabbed Dunn’s face and turned it to him. “Gubben…. How long are you going to pout about that? I was simply trying to boost Garth's confidence. You know he means nothing to me. You are my special one.” Dunn grinned, basking in the reassurance of his beloved partner. “Now back to work,” the Swede playfully demanded, “Back to work.”

[cazzyf1]

"By about four-thirty a.m. Mike (Hawthorn) and I had negotiated the stairs and had finally reached our landing. We were debating whether to tip Peter Collins out of bed or not when Sculati, our team manager, came along carrying a suitcase: he was on his way to the airport to fly home to Italy. As he went by he splashed us with some water out of the fire bucket. This gesture gave Mike a foul idea; he picked up the bucket, emptied it over my head, and then ran to his room laughing in a rather idiotic way. I stood quite still for a moment or two while the water formed a pool on the carpet beneath me. Then I saw that just above where the bucket had hung was a fire hose, and a little further down the corridor a large wheel, the turning of which would send water rushing through the hose. I felt positively evil. Carefully I connected the hose to the main. Then I unrolled it down the corridor as far as the door of Mike's room. I noticed with satisfaction that the door was not quite shut. He was still laughing. I nipped back to the wheel and turned it. My surprise at what happened next was only exceeded by Mike's. The hose became alive, and snaked off down the corridor like a great cobra. The nozzle banged on the door as if demanding entry and then thrust everything aside and shot into Mike's room. He was about to put on his pyjama legs and had paused for a moment when he heard the knock on his door. The next moment his pyjama legs were up against the wall and he was flat on his back, bowled over by the jet of water that had suddenly entered his room. The hose went quite mad as the pressure built up and the nozzle whizzed round the room like an enraged hornet. It shot the pictures off the wall, the blankets off the bed, and managed to give Mike a couple of fourpenny ones as well. He scrambled out of the room and ran out nude down the corridor to the wheel and, using all his strength, he was a big fellow, jammed it full on. By now everything was out of hand: water was running from his room both up and down the corridor, and angry voices were demanding what was going on. 'We must put the nozzle out of a window, I said. He nodded and, our feud forgotten for the moment, we raced back to his bedroom. He managed to get hold of the nozzle but could not control it and found himself in the corridor with water shooting everywhere.

I could see that he would not be able to get back into his room so I tried the door of another bedroom hoping the window would be open. Unfortunately the maiden lady who was in occupation had not expected to be awakened by a nude man carrying a firehose, and she screamed so much Mike had to come out. I opened another door which turned out to be the bedroom of a friend of ours. As it happened he was not alone; neither were he and his friend sleeping. They were quite unprepared for the onslaught that followed. Mike charged in, desperately trying to control the nozzle. A jet of water whipped the bedclothes off the bed and deposited its occupants on the floor. Mike pressed on and finally dropped the nozzle out of the window. He then picked up a sheet, wrapped it round his body, and, looking rather like a Roman senator, walked majestically back to his room." - p241/2

Duncan Hamilton - Touchwood

Mike Hawthorn

[gore-geousrem-ains]

Musical Beetlejuice Vs. The Bath

A ramble on how to get BJ to regularly stay clean. Slight BeetlejuicexReader. (BeetleB@bes, do not interact.)

Firstly, STOP trying to force him in the bathtub or blasting him with a hose. I know most of this is written for comical effect but it’s not a proper way to motivate him. 

I imagine that MusicalJuice has some trauma surrounding baths and water. Juno, as ill tempered as she is, most likely made bathing a nightmare. I imagine her rubbing his skin raw with a brush, or dunking his head under water for extended periods of time. All things that would be traumatic for a small child. 

As a ghost/zombie/demon I would assume he doesn’t need to bathe in the first place, but living with an adopted family that insists upon cleanliness he’ll have to learn to be clean-er.

Start small with him. Give him a Wet One and ask him for 1 thing: “Would you like to wipe off your hands?” It’s non-invasive and simple; and it gives HIM control of the situation. He can say “Yes” or “No” at his leisure. 

Offer him a Wet One every now and again, always giving him control of the situation and offer to do it with him. It’s not just a HIM thing, it’s a WE thing. “We will be clean together.”, “I will be alongside you.”, “You are a part of something.” 

Above all BJ wants to connect with others and having others be invested in him will help solve this “bathing” problem slowly over time. 

When he’s accepted the Wet One’s ritual, move on to just asking him to wash his hands. Only his hands. He can choose the temperature of the water, Hell, you’ll go to Bath and Bodyworks and pick up a dozen soaps so he can choose his favorite to use. As always, participate with him. 

 Next move on to the face. I imagine this will be more daunting for him, water smothering him? Like when he was a kid? No, no, no. You’ll most certainly be met with resistance. Beetlejuice WILL fight you on this one. He’s come so far washing his hands, why does he need to wash his face? 

This is where you can strum the strings of his massive ego and heart,  “You’ll look so handsome.”, “Clean cheeks get more kisses.” “If you want, I’ll sit down and wipe your face off gently.” 

Give BJ some security. Once again, you are with him, he can choose, and he has the option to get more praise should he choose to cooperate. 

You’ve conquered getting his face clean! Every night after you wash your own face, you take a warm cloth and gently wipe off his face (though the mold and moss growing there seems to be fixed to his face… but who cares really? It’s all a part of his charm.) Beetlejuice is rewarded with hundreds of kisses and hugs as a “prize” for doing so well. 

Now here comes the BIG part: actually bathing. 

Stop trying to force him into a bath. Just stop. It’s not going to happen. Instead give him the option of a shower.  

A shower is less invasive, he has control over how much of his body is in the water, he can set the temperature, he can choose how long he’s in. The shower can have a little stool for him to sit and rest on, his favorite soaps, the softest rags you can find in the house, you’ll burn a lavender candle to bring some peace and serenity to the room, and of course play some of his favorite music to keep him calm. 

However, you will have to join him. There’s no way around it. You have to join him. Sexual innuendos and all. He can’t be alone; even a ghost/zombie/demon can have a panic attack. If you’re uncomfortable being nude (much to his dismay), you can wear a bathing suit. But you have to get in with him regardless. Namely to keep him as calm as possible. 

You let BJ get set up, music, candles, the water temperature, everything. Once you’re in the shower, you encourage him in too. But NOPE, he’s changed his mind and POOF he’s gone. 

No one said it would be easy.

You try again, and again, and again. Always offering to be in the room or even in the shower with him. BJ doesn’t budge for weeks. But he still washes his hands and allows you to begrudgingly wipe off his face (only kisses and hugs will make him less grumpy). 

Finally one night, when you’re showering alone. There’s a knock on the bathroom door and it’s BJ, who just might, wanna, kinda, sort of try this “shower thing”... 

Internally elated, but externally calm you allow him in. He’s quick to offer crass sex jokes, and would rather take you to the bedroom than the shower right now. Gathering all of your patience you calmly turn him down and lead him to the shower. 

Once again, he’s allowed to set his own standards for bathing. You get in first, offer your hand and guide BJ in too. 

He steps in, nervously holding a breath that he doesn’t need. 

And it’s not bad. He didn’t know the shower head had settings, so he chooses his favorite, a very light setting that just barely touches him.You’re of course naked and freezing your ass off while he enjoys the mildly warm water. But perseverance is key.You’ve got THIS far, time to make the best of it. 

You sit him down on the shower stool, take a washcloth, and slowly begin to clean his body.Your gentle touches bring out those deep satisfied growls he emits when content. You’re careful in all of your movements, not wanting to startle him and ruin this moment of absolute bliss with your sweet Bug. Who has worked so hard to be there with you. 

Once you’re finished with him he’s showered with kisses, kisses, and more kisses.

Once BJ gets the hang of the shower, when he chooses to shower (every other week or so) it’s impossible to get him out. Where’s all the hot water? BJ used it. Where are all the nice towels? He’s using them all to dry off. Where is Charles’s bathrobe? BJ stole it. 

It’s always a trade off with him, but it’s worth it in the end.

AND THAT’S how you get a trauma victim into the shower. Everything takes time and patience.

[samanthahirr]

Hosiery Habit Headcanons

Bond washes his socks by hand, every day. Every pair of socks, no matter where he is, whether at home or on a mission. He learned in the Navy that you can never have enough pairs of clean socks (he will never speak of that month-long assignment to the rain forests of Guatemala EVER), so he religiously washes his used socks each night before sleep and lays them out to dry before he packs them away in the morning.

Felix introduces Bond to his pair of lucky socks on their first joint mission. On a Sunday morning, when Bond dons thick wool socks for their hike through the Andes, Felix slides on his lucky socks and sends his thoughts heavenward for a much-needed victory. That night, when Bond points out that Felix’s lucky socks let them down—their mission having fallen apart spectacularly—Felix checks the score on his phone and scoffs that they made two interceptions in the final quarter and won by 7 points. Bond gives him a queer look. Maybe Bond doesn’t believe in sports rituals, but Felix will do whatever it takes to support his favorite team; even if he can’t attend in person, he’s not gonna let the Saints down.

Moneypenny wears plain hose at MI6 (with the exception of her monthly, when she wears the pairs with extra tummy shaping), nude with no embellishments. Although there was one memorable holiday party when she purchased and wore a pair of full-fashioned stockings with the seam up the back that caused quite a kerfuffle. There were so many collisions and bruises amongst the staff attributed to her hosiery that HR had to request that she restrict their use to extracurricular occasions only.

Tanner makes a point of dressing appropriately and not drawing undue attention to himself. However, he has a sizable collection of novelty socks courtesy of his children’s gifts over the years, and he takes comfort in having a piece of his home life with him when at his stressful job.

Q is not a morning person and, as such, can’t be arsed to tell the difference between navy and black when getting dressed before dawn. He doesn’t give a shit whether his socks match his trousers; he has more important concerns on his mind, thank you very much. And outside of the office, he avoids socks altogether; barefoot in loafers or trainers is his preferred style.

MI6 Medical released an emergency advisory in 2019: No toe socks in the office! The infernal footwear became all the rage in 2018, and they did no harm so long as staff wore proper footwear to protect their feet in hazardous areas. But when a Q Branch technician reported to Medical limping badly, staff were appalled to find that he’d shoved his toe-socked foot into a colleague’s borrowed footwear to enter one of the more hazardous labs, and the toe-sock seams had cut off circulation to more than one toe over the course of three hours. Never again!

Alec learned early in life the importance of blending in and conforming to expectations. It earned him a reputation for being steady and dependable at the orphanage and later in the Navy. One of the easiest ways to conform was to mimic the styling of the most respected person around you. At school, it was the head boy. In the Navy, it was his commanding officer. And at MI6, it’s Bond, whose style is the fiddliest to imitate. (Those bespoke suits cost a bloody fortune!) Most obnoxious are Bond’s favorite silk-blend socks, which are nonabsorbent and require delicate washing. But Alec bides his time, keeps in line, wears the damn socks, and passes himself off as a loyal operative while he makes plans for his eventual defection….

Mallory dated a peer a couple decades back; a handsome fellow who cut a very fashionable figure. Mallory has some fond memories of their time together, as well as a keepsake set of platinum cuff links…and an unfortunate kink for sock garters. Mallory resolutely doesn’t own or wear any himself, but he’s aware that Bond and Trevelyan wear them on occasion. He does his best not to think about that when they’re seated across from him, their trouser hems riding up their ankles, eyeing how taut their socks are pulled, and wondering.

Madeleine has always hated the cold, and Altaussee is a bleak wasteland of tourists and ice. Her office, with its impractical exterior glass walls, is always two degrees lower than the interior rooms, and her usual hose doesn’t keep her ankles warm enough for a full day of listening to billionaires’ midlife crises. She’s taken to keeping a pair of double-layer cabin socks under her desk, and she kicks off her high heeled pumps and slides the cozy socks on overtop her hose every time she has an appointment in her blasted icebox of an office. 

The sweaters that Q’s cats wear are cozy. The sweaters are warm. The sweaters feel like safety and Q’s gentle fingers sliding them on. But once a year, there is more. There are hats. There are strange collars. And there are socks. The socks are the enemy. They are confinement. They are slipping imbalance. The socks slide on like punishment for imagined crimes. Q lifts his cats and places them on the cat tree. Q coos, “Don’t you look precious.” A shutter clicks, and his fingers are no longer in the way, no longer trying to stop the inevitable. The socks are prey. They must be destroyed. Long claws pierce them. Rend them. Teeth dig in, merciless, and shake them limp. Dead socks taste of cotton victory. “Sorry darlings,” Q laughs. Surely Q will learn from this. There will not be socks again. “Not for another year,” Q promises.

[carmenifucks]

been doing some robo-sona design :3 autism is hard because i can't just draw tits on a cute robot girl without them making mechanical sense in my head lol. i could just draw a titty and say "its advanced robotics" but tbh that's not the vibe of robot girl i like most. i find them cutest when they're more mechanical looking and it's more obvious how they work. squishy parts are wonderful but i love the rigid mechanical parts i'm also trying to figure out how far i wanna adjust her overall body shape... i want it to still look like my body (hence the traced nude up top) but i also go crazy when there's obvious elements of "inhuman" shape... but whatever lol i'll figure it all out eventually. what's important is her ponytail is housing her excess computing capability and all her main computer cooling hardware, so if you pull it or detach some of those cables/coolant hoses she gets dumber and more obedient and submissive. she likes it >:3 make sure to be careful when you play with that antenna ^w^

[henrysglock]

now i am CERTAINLY the last person to kinkshame anyone (and it's not even content i would kinkshame tbh) but did. did i just see nude, explicit, aged-up byler cannibalism gore art on my dash??

on byler tumblr? the same byler tumblr that ran a bunch of people offline with pedo accusations this time last year for pointing out a canon hose-related dick joke re: byler?

we've come so far since hosegate.

[tex6689]