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i-fondued · 2 years

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Fellow ADHD ghestie I am humbly on my knees begging for your outlining secrets /how/

My brain just nopes the fuck out every time I try and I have so many stories that are just not getting written because my brain is three fucking squirrels in a trenchcoat arguing about who’s driving the bus

so. short answer, you gotta push through the blog with whatever does it for you and just write the scene that is in your head down even if it looks like you were drunk in the middle of the night and scribbled nonsence. I also never sleep more than like 6 hours a night these days but i do not recommend that ahahahaha

the long version of the answer is under the cut because I didn't want to clog up people's dashes and I know I have always be curious on other writers process and as an ADHD girlie I get feeling completely at mercy to the squirrels in their trench coat at the end of the day.

So my main advice for ADHD girlies who love to write but can't focus is go with whatever your current hyperfixation [for me its obvi ghost] and use that as the scene and characters of your fic. Even if its a tiny fandom, who cares. You are doing this for you and for fun and serotonin damn it! Fuck the algorithms, this is about you having FUN first and formost.

I'm going to use 'Yule at the Abbey' [refered to as YatA going forward] as my example for this whole thing because a) I can't use SiS without spoiling it LOL and b) its the most recent thing I've worked on thats already out.

Step One: Let the intrusive fanfic idea run wild when it first appears

What I mean by that is that YatA was born while I was driving to work listening to MCR's cover of All I Want for Christmas is You. It just popped in my head like hey girl how about a christmas special?? So I let the plot bunny lead me while I drove. I thought about what Christmas or Yule would look like at the abbey, and what about how cute it would be if Terzo was trying to set up Sister and Copia with mistletoe. Let my brain go WILD while I was able too, once I got to work I scribbled down and quick blurb in my notes app on my phone before I took my morning meds and the plot bunny would have vanished.

Step Two: Write out an outline, either real focused or vauge, of start to finish of the story.

Let me show you what I mean by that. This is a real example of how I outline before I start writing anything [this is part of the outline for YatA]:

Even if you have to go back and edit your thoughts just. get. it. down. Obviously for those of you who've read the christmas special, you know that the first bullet point is not how that went down exactly, and thats okay. The first step in the process is just getting whatever idea that is in your brain down on paper EVEN IF IT IS SHIT!!

I do this with everything I write now, I never used to outline when I was younger and everything turned out fine but now I'm old with more things that homework to worry about and I can't always remember the direction I want to go in so everything is written down, even if its edited later. For my own connivence I have both a notes app and google docs on my phone since thats what I do all my writing on, it also makes it easier for me to do some writing on the go if i have any time.

Step Three: Use headphones or a space where you can focus at all times when writing

My husband doesn't love it but when I am in real writing mode, especially with something long like Sinners, but this is a typical night in our house during the writing nights; i come home from work, we put the kids to bed, and then i curl up on the couch with my airpods and listen to music and ignore everything around me LOL. i have like 400 playlists i use to set the scene in my head, like smut ones for smut or romance ones for fluff. I have a general vibes playlist for sinners but I also have just a general writing playlist i use to focus myself. this is the same tactic i use at work so it makes sense i would then use it when i'm writing something

and finally...Step Four: Try to remember that when it starts feeling like work or not fun anymore, then its time for a step back and maybe reevaluate what you're writing

i know, I KNOW, that this is the hardest one to follow but when i get overwhelmed or writers block i honestly pause what i'm writing and either just go and do something else i enjoy or work on another story. i learned in my creative writing class in school something that has always stuck with me. Steven King will write a whole draft and then stick it in a drawer and leave it for like six months while he works on something else and then comes back to it to proof read and make changes to it with almost fresh eyes. i try for a sped up version of this [with the exception of sis because i do not have time to wait and i had the whole outline done by chapter 5 lol] and work on little ficklets between sinners updates like a little reward, or even work on what is my next big project after sinners.

So yeah, thats the best advice I can give for other neurodivergent girlies trying to keep themselves focused on their writing. its not easy and there are times i would rather chuck my laptop out the window than work on writing, thats when i take the time to just enjoy tumblr and maybe read others writing because useally seeing other people's work really inspires me to work on my own.

you've got this ghestie, i believe in you 💖

#i-fondued asks #anon i am so sorry i totally went off on a tangent about my process but hopefully it helps?#feel free to ask me any follow up questions or anything and i'll be happy to explain to anyone who wants to know more <3

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lockedtowers · 6 months

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OUAT VERSE WRITE UP

remember: all references to canon characters, i am PURELY referring to an NPC version OR my own version, available at @familiarache, i would NEVER force ANYTHING written here on your muse. if u wanna play around w that, lmk, otherwise, i'm not basing anything off what have listed here that may mention my char w yours. thx.

There's THREE sections here. to make it easier on everyone, this is the BULLET POINT version, aka main information necessary for plot purposes, not the full write up of everything upon everything that happens.

Feel free to jump to whatever sector you want. The three forms are WONDERLAND, MISTHAVEN, and STORYBROOKE.

I do not follow the wonderland shown in the spin off show. I do not know everything about everything involving ouat (I've seen like half seasons at a time, all of s1, all of Jefferson's episodes, and like, half of s2 beyond jefferson. This is primarily been pre plotted info with my bestie Tinker, who has watched this show in its entirety, she's not on tumbs rn but anyways. I know it's canon divergent to a lot of pre est canon in concerns to wonderland. That's like, a lot of the point lol.) (this is also like the one verse where cassie was actually raised by her parents and that clearly did not help her in any way.)

I do also do base versions with zero backstory for ppl if they want, okay, i care more about your comfort than mine. pls dont hate me.

WONDERLAND

Princess of Spades, Cheshire Cat. Her twin brother is the Dormouse. The actual Hatter is Thomas Madigan, the father of Maddox, Jefferson, and Reve (as well as a daughter i havent settled on a name yet, bc she's a crossover in the plot w tinker, but for rp reasons i have to actually make her a character lol). A man obsessed with time, has perfectly timed all of his childrens births so they're separated by exactly 3 years (give or take a few months obvi.) (Also important to note; my jefferson at least, again, found on my sideblog, was parentified. technically thomas tried to make maddox parent his brothers, but maddox was too self possessed to do that. jefferson raised reve. also yes im saying jefferson is the middle child he radiates middle child energy.)

her mother is the queen of spades, and her 'father' is the red king. he is not her biological father, and he is aware of that. it was his idea. she is unaware. her biological father is the white knight, vas moraj. he was responsible for the first destruction that put the Reds in power in the first place, as he's the Jabberwock. He's also one of the last of the Wonderland Fae, which follow a different set of rules to the misthaven fae. bc logically why would creatures of entirely separate realms all follow the same guidelines i just want to have a talk w them but lbr they couldnt maintain characterization between episodes so

wonderland is a matriarchal society. Aleksander was the only born son of the Red Queen. They had to find another female royal to take over, and Feina agreed to marry him so he could at least maintain his home. she had no interest. he was only ever able to produce one child with her, and it was a boy, Lucien. Men cannot inherit in Wonderland, and since he couldn't produce another heir, he suggested Vas.

vas is the white knight, and in charge of the court. and was clearly overly protective of the twins when they were born, but cassandra more so. he had his own internal reasoning for agreeing. he's not great either but he's better than some people.

whilst royals in wonderland are known to have a lot more free will than other lands (the land is considered upside-down to others), feina never let cassandra leave the castle. feina's own ulterior motives required completely breaking down cassandras psyche, but whilst she never taught cassandra transfiguration, the fae alignment led her to learn she could turn into a cat, thus she started sneaking out.

her 'friend' is the duchess, who would let her hide away in her home as her 'pet cat'. cassandra would oft sneak into the woods for fun.

maddox was in the process of getting knighted. he became obsessed with the idea of being the next knight, as well as marrying the princess, an idea thomas put into his head. jefferson thought it was hilarious.

when their sister tasked jefferson with help to sneak off during a ball, jefferson saw cassandra for the first time, and was naturally curious abt why tf his brother was obsessed w her.

around the time he knew his sister would return, he saw his sister, cassandra, and duchess returning. he saw a cat climb up the tower, and a girl enter it.

jefferson, being extra as shit and a massive red flag, used one of his old enchanted hats to sneak up into her window and meet her. cassie, who decided in that moment that flag was her favorite shade of red, thought it was cute. someone help her.

they became friends. he'd sneak in to visit her constantly.

at some point, her mother finds out she's been sneaking out, and her her guard, illosovic stayne, essentially uhhh break her body to bits for it. that's what causes the scar on her eye, which is the main wound that vas wasn't able to fix. he noticed something amiss with aleksander, and found her tied up, stayne essentially trying to kill her, and he brought her away while aleksander had stayne arrested.

that was her first tryst with human blood, btw, great healant for fae, fixes almost everything, she already had heterochromia but her right eye was now a silvery icy blue instead of just a completely different shade of blue.

vas had a thing and the madigans were invited. he had cassie 'make an example' out of stayne, and she was wearing a dress jefferson made for her. cassie took staynes eyeball, which she preserved and turned into a necklace, bc she's not normal, but she didn't kill him. she debated it, as vas left it up to her, but she decided living in exile would be worse for him. vas named maddox as stayne's replacement.

feina was NOT happy to be undermined mind you.

jefferson, at some point, bc a lot of the normal plot i made w tinker i'm not putting into the rp verse, for 'theres a lot of ship stuff' reasons, and even tho its my own version of jeffy i wanna leave openings yknow-- anyways, he leaves wonderland. cassie ofc is heartbroken cause since that thing, her friends wont talk to her, they're a little bit scared of her.

she also started training bc vas did not want her to be at risk of harm again.

maddox obsessions became worse. he took full advantage of her sadness re jefferson leaving (without her, because he said he'd take her with him, then didn't, because of Maddox) to get her interested in him. but the more obsessive he got over her, the more she started to push him away because it freaked her out.

jack, who i am keeping this bit here bc i can, is regina's half-brother, and came to wonderland. as far as either is aware he's her full brother but that boy is white, that aint your full brother regina. he, in some way, knew that this is where his mother would end up eventually. he looked enough like the original prince of hearts that he killed him and took his place.

he met maddox, actually before jefferson left that was a thing, saw an opportunity, and wrecked maddox's mental state further to make him his spy. he also had maddox murder his own father (and, seemingly, younger brother) which maddox doesnt even remember doing for the most part until he tries to sleep at night and the visions haunt him. that's pmuch what makes jefferson leave btw

eventually, seemingly the entirety of the kingdom was slaughtered. maddox 'gets cassie out', and she sees what she thinks are the real bodies of her family members as she's taken out to the tulgey wood. maddox questions her about something, and she's too busy freaking out to actually know what he's saying or respond to him in any coherent way. she starts panicking and fighting back when he grabs her and starts dragging her off, and when she pushes him away he asks her if she loves him. she does NOT have an answer for that, and Jack appears, talking to her, and with one command, Maddox's resolve breaks and he cuts her neck open.

Jack has already made a deal with Feina, he knows she wont stay dead. Jack has her locked in a room in the castle, and keeps her prisoner there with the intention of marrying her to further secure his position in the court. The Hearts had been taken over, and Cora was now the Queen of Hearts. She did NOT get jack's obsession, but didn't really question it either. It kept him busy and out of her way.

Jefferson came back to wonderland, now as a portal jumper, to steal something from her mom. he found out what happened, and promised to get her out.

this time he actually followed through on that, good job, jeffy.

MISTHAVEN

jack had these iron cuffs on her that kept her powers at bay and made her extremely weak, so yeah first things first was jefferson bringing her to rumple to get those off, bc enchanted. he couldnt pick a lock. there was no lock.

i.................... hated jeffersons prequel comic, tbh, you can't convince me that man knows what renting is i'm sorry. that cottage of his has always been his. he did bring cassie to live with him, tho.

and she was n o t in good shape at all, so when graham would walk past that cottage on the daily and occasionally see her staring out the window, like he thought the worst. rightfully so. sorry jeffy.

eventually she did start leaving the cottage, and actually did meet and talk to graham from then on. he thought she was weird, but her weirdness was endearing.

f r i e n d s

he brought her to The Vale Tavern in town, where she met Lavinia, local witch, and Luke, a werewolf from the den Graham was raised in, who also left. Lavinia's magic is what kept his transformations at bay.

Further proof that cassie is surprisingly endearing, bc they both got attached to her too.

also jefferson was not and never was happy that she befriended graham, but that's because jeffy is jeffy. you just have to feel bad for the ppl he annoys a lot. like rumple probably had to listen to so much complaining everytime he hired him to collect shit. smh

lavinia and luke plotted together to get cassie away from jefferson, bc funnily enough not a lot of people actually like him. lavinia figured out the faerie genes and decided to teach cassie how to use witch glamour, in hopes cassie would figure out fae glamour. she did.. mostly, and the vale tavern's owner essentially gave the business to her.

jefferson did agree and encourage her to move into the apartment above the tavern, and she didn't understand why he would say that. jealousy, mostly, he was still mad about graham, and they were literally just friends like boy calm down the world doesn't revolve around you.

jefferson met (tinkers) alice. grace was 100% an accident. also important to note, cassie was massively in love with alice, and she was not happy. like she's in love w jeffy too dont get me wrong, but she was p i s s e d when he started going out w alice.

(Again, this is is all my versions of these characters, i'm not forcing anything on yall, if you like it tho, lmk)

she was way too hurt by jeffy/alice, but also knew jeffersons a littleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee reckless. so she put lavinia in charge of the tavern, stole his hat, and took over the portal jumping-- on account of all money earned going to... alice, technically. lol.

also, she was a lot worse during this time. girlie did not care at ALL. got really good at murder, actually. kinda hot, ngl

one of the hits, they had iron weapons, and conveniently (someone sent him) jefferson got there and brought her home. he knew human blood would heal her, but when he tried to feed her his blood, it didn't work. alice took over and gave her hers.

jefferson got cassie out of her deal, and she wasn't happy about it.

jefferson was running out of money quickly since he wasnt portal jumping anymore, and got the brilliant idea to go steal a magical artifact from wonderland. because knowing the land was ravaged by a murderous queen and your older brother is a great reason to go back to it.

obviously, that idiot got himself kidnapped by his brother, and locked in the 'eternal teaparty'

alice noticed he wasnt back, and had cassie watch baby grace when she went to go find him.

alice gets jefferson out-- and maddox stabs her in the abdomen for it. cassie was taking care of grace at the time (with graham, in some versions) and suddenly collapsed at the same time, her own blood spilling in the same area alice's was. Alice shoved Jefferson into the portal so he could get back to Grace.

yeah jeffersons mental state wasnt great after that. cassie was NOT letting him take care of grace for awhile. It did drive a wedge between her and graham, especially, because he was trying to help her and she was getting too bitey over it. kind of how graham ends up leaving the area altogether. thanks jefferson.

grace gets older, jefferson delves headfirst into being best dad, thank GOD, cassie keeps helping him out w funds and stuff. and grace. mostly grace.

bs w regina happens finally, jefferson gets trapped in wonderland. again.

cassie came to the cottage to find grace wasnt there, found her with the neighbors and took her. when grace told her everything, cassie was instantly suspicious.

all that time passed. the wiki claims it was two years, i tried to figure out the whole timeline of season ones antics and i did not get two years, but the wiki is more official than i am, so. idk how thats two years, but grace did not age by two years in that time i dont think abc knows how quickly kids age. anyways, however fucking long passes, and cassie only didnt go looking for him bc grace would freak out abt being left again.

cassie finally convinced grace to go stay w the neighbors again, and she'd figure it out. she wouldn't abandon her, and if she didn't come back quickly, she still would always come back.

this is like, just before regina essentially lets charming and snow win, fyi

cassie got a meeting w regina, still was sus about it all, and got the BRIGHT idea to threaten her. When she went to leave, she saw graham.

she snuck back in later after being kicked out in 'warning'. she found graham, tried to figure out wtf happened, and promised she'd get him out. he tells her about his heart, and she decides to go looking for it.

she DOES find it, again, conveniently. for a reason.

she hands it to graham, telling him they need to get out. she'd have time to find jefferson, she was running out of time to help him, and right now, he was first.

got ambushed. she did stun and/or kill most of the guards trying to stop them, mostly killed the ones trying to kill graham, to be fair.

one 'guard' did get her, in the same spot as alice. with an iron blade. yes, it was maddox. jack came in with regina, delighted at the turn of events.

jack took cassie, reminding regina of the deal they made when she did cast her curse, and took cassie with him. she was kept locked up well until the curse hit.

STORYBROOKE

yeah that entire 28 years emma wasn't there, she was in the 'lower hospital' area. maddox is regina's personal guard, and jack is.. i think councilman is the right term, idk, i'll check later. i have it in my doc for this verse lol.

jefferson, ofc, is free now. has everything but his family. he honestly didn't know where cassie was at first until he started sneaking around the town, trying to figure out if anyone else had both lives stuck in their head.

also i feel like they missed an opportunity for him to be plotting with rumple but thats not for this blog that'd be for the sideblog where jefferson actually is.

anyways, he did discover cassie was down there. he also discovered pretty quickly, upon watching all the tapes jack had made of her 'therapy sessions', that she remembered everything, too.

she didn't talk for years. She had a complete shut down while in there. Jack would see her constantly to taunt her. she just shut down.

despite everything, graham, while in his cursed head, still visited her every single week. though he believed she was his high school friend, Chelsea Contarini, who got put in the hospital after her parents died when she was 17.

when Emma made time start moving again, and actually right around the time graham almost died (bc i circumvent his death for my graham, u did enough to him abc) jefferson decided that was the BEST time to just... let cassie out.

which, ofc, didn't turn out well, and Graham had to arrest her, bc great job jefferson just let her out and tell her where to go that'll get her sO FAR.

this means graham had to convince emma to help him get cassie out of the hospital, meaning collecting all of the documents that were created for this world.

one Emma paid especial mind to was that the hospital paperwork claimed, after her parents died at 17, Jack was supposed to marry her, she tried to kill him, and they put her in there. And that she'd been in there for ten years. Jack was NOT aware that that was the age Regina had put down. But as far as Emma saw it, Graham's friend had been locked up since she was in high school, he had barely graduated a few years earlier, and evil wicked regina had an evil wicked brother who also stole the youth of another girl. cassie didn't understand jack shit of what was happening, but later on when graham explained it to her, she did decide regina also must hate jack to do that to him.

she wasn't entirely wrong tbf, regina chose violence in that instance, she knew jack would have betrayed her if given the chance, he's allergic to loyalty

also the fact cassie is a fuck lot older than that (wonderlander lol) like she didnt get the age thing at all. but she wasn't sure if she could lie since all the magic was gone in that world, and didn't want to risk it, so she just kept quiet.

also that file claimed the eye injury was a fight in high school, and her neck injury was from surgery. like jacks a piece of garbage.

graham had to go find jefferson and bring him to her in order to get her to start talking again, bc she was not talking when emma tried to talk to her, or anyone, really. she did NOT want that used against her. Jefferson had to give her pointers on how she could talk and what to say to twist the truth just enough to get out.

after the trial and everything, cassie gets out. she goes off to live with jefferson, because of course she went w the guy who did almost nothing. but she hands around graham a lot. much to jeffersons chagrin.

also she refuses to go by chelsea, but the only way she was able to go by anything else was to say "C.C.' because it technically could be her storybrooke intials, but it's also the initials of 'cheshire cat'.

#out.#im putting this in my carrd under the hc links so i dont have to tag it as anything rly but #yea #abuse cw #whaaaat cws do i even put in here i tried to delicately say everything in a non triggering way #except that theres no way around that #violence cw #inner cassie the entire time emma and graham are trying to figure out how to get her out of the hospital: ?????????????#also she fucking h a t e s the name chelsea #also jefferson exclusively calls her kitten bye #i mention heirs does that fall under pregnancy #pregnancy cw #just in case ig

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arsonistshub-a · 1 year

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the best thing i love about baulders gate is while yes technically every story does follow the same campaign run and plot points

it's all the little things that matter. like in DnD it all matters on the little things that help keep it all together. it influences how you see the world and how characters interact with you

the grand story is amazing, dont get me wrong but i relish in the small interactions and details the game puts into it like DnD does

DMs put so much effort into things, DMs forget things, they dont plan for everything but they do their best. and i think that's what also makes this game amazing is it captures that sense. it makes me want to jump back into the world with new OCs, see what little things changed, what could i have done differently this time?

its a revolution in RPG games and AAA developers would be good to watch themselves because it puts many other games to shame for what this delivers

Especially from big companies who have funding, don't expect anything less than a game like this going forward I'd say Indie developers or smaller studios who dont have the same funding obvi, case by case

but big companies should be held to *this* standard now and we shouldnt settle for less because we know how good it can be especially when developers take their time and truly care about their project and the people who play it

#bg3

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paint-music-with-me · 2 years

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Bro.

Someone write a stupid crack patpran fic based on Sweat and Soap

😖😖😖

Please 🙏

#ik ik ik #i am shameless #but listen #it makes sense for pat!#C'MON MAN #A HIMBO WHO HAS A SCENT KINK!?!?#I CANT #obvi its not the same plot or anything but like #dude #indulge in the crack plz #iykyk #😭😭😭😭#im just starting this fucking manga after fkfhskdjkss #omggg #please ignore me #blabber time #sweat and soap #patpran

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willowcrowned · 3 years

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hey completely apropos of nothing you should talk about how you'd fix the prequels :)

you know what I SHOULD

SO. If given the chance I would actually remake the prequels TWICE. In the first version I would just redo the individual movies, but keep the overarching plot beats the same, which I will admit is just an excuse to make Phantom Menace good by giving Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon coherent and thematically relevant emotional arcs (or, like, any arcs at all). I don't have thoughts about how I'd do this for the other movies, because at the end of the day I care about them much, much less than I care about Phantom Menace.

Version 1:

Essentially, I would set up Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon's relationship in TPM as a sort of... microcosm of the Jedi Order, replete with all its failings.

Both Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are Very Good Jedi (albeit in different ways), but maybe—maybe they're not very good people. Qui-Gon is unattached, devoted to the Force, devoted to remaining Fair and Just and Unbiased, and he's trying to make Obi-Wan that as well. But in doing so, he alienates Obi-Wan when Obi-Wan needs companionship, or praise, or just the confirmation that he's not a bad person for failing occasionally. When Qui-Gon dies, he leaves behind an Obi-Wan who doesn't understand what he did wrong (because he didn't do anything wrong—but Qui-Gon never told him that).

I think eventually, on Tatooine and after Anakin's fall, Obi-Wan understands what Qui-Gon was trying to do and why, and he doesn't... forgive him, because it's a hard thing to forgive feeling unloved for that long, but he does move past it, and accept that he cared about Qui-Gon anyways.

At the end of it, there's a comparison drawn between Qui-Gon, who didn't let himself care enough, and Anakin, who let himself care too much, and Obi-Wan, who managed to muddle his way through the middle ground.

This version of the prequels ultimately becomes Obi-Wan's story, which doesn't make it better than George Lucas's (the goal of the second way I would remake the prequels), but it does make it more interesting to me.

The SECOND version is the version that my writer brain wants, which is... not starting entirely from a clean slate, because I'm keeping the personages of the prequels, but completing undoing the phantom/clones/sith beats and creating a new trilogy.

Anyways, this bit is copy-pasted directly from where I typed it out on discord last night for rachel

Version 2:

We start at the beginning of the clone wars with anakin who’s not yet knighted but mostly on his own and in this very tense position with Padmé where they both clearly are in deep love and lust with each other but can’t consummate it or w/e due to Anakin’s duties as a jedi and the war. Also he clearly has this mentor/mentee relationship with Obi-Wan, but Obi-Wan is very noticeably absent. We’re also introduced to Ahsoka and anakin’s men, the former of which he’s just meeting and the latter of which he clearly has a good relationship with already. Something happens in the middle obvi + at some point anakin goes to obi wan seeking guidance and affirmation, and it’s clear that obi wan knows what he wants but is trying to be A Good Jedi about it and just sort of. Leaves anakin out in the cold. At which point anakin goes to palpatine, who actually seems warm and comforting and tells him to follow his heart in a way that at first glance seems grandfatherly and a bit naive but well-intentioned but upon rewatch is very clearly him trying to drive a wedge between anakin and obi wan. At the very end of the movie Anakin gets married to Padmé (with some sort of “love conquers all” rationale) and in doing so accidentally somehow gets all his men killed. He’s still so on cloud nine about being married he manages to get through it, which causes the Jedi to knight him, but the last scene is him mourning. This sets a pattern for the rest of the trilogy, where Anakin makes larger and larger personal betrayals up until the end of rots, where he betrays obi wan and Padmé and the Jedi.

The second movie, is which I have even less of a jplot for, ends in ahsoka’s death. Crucially, this has to be something that the Jedi advised him to do (not like. Leave her to die, but something something greater good) that makes it clear that (a) anakin is not the kind of person you should trust to run a war and (b) the Jedi are kind of fucked up, man. Like let’s address the child soldier thing from a watsonian perspective. Also this is the movie where we start to dive into anakin and obi wan’s relationship, so you get the master/padawan parallels and contrasts between obi wan and anakin and anakin and ahsoka. Also Palpatine is there, providing a model and a contrast for how anakin interacts with obi wan and ahsoka, and he is still not immediately identifiable as the main villain.

The THIRD movie we have Padmé getting pregnant and going all baby crazy ‘let’s set up a house back on Naboo in the middle of a war in which we are both major participants’ BUT since it’s been clear from the beginning that they both view themselves as, like, Romeo and Juliet but Better, it completely tracks. Make her crazy from the beginning!! This is the movie where we bring in some flashbacks to anakin’s slave backstory, especially drawing direct parallels to the way Palpatine’s coercing him into sketchier and sketchier shit, BUT there’s also a contrast that makes it clear that Anakin (a) could walk away because he’s not bound to Palpatine and (b) won’t walk away because he doesn’t know how because both Palpatine and the Jedi taught him only to obey orders. The movie still ends with the Jedi purge + anakin killing more kids + mustafar + him choking Padmé until she’s almost dead. Padmé’s impassioned ‘there’s still good in him’ is framed mostly as her being delusional, even if she’s right, bc her faith in anakin is mostly selfish (she refuses to believe that he’s bad bc then her dream was only ever a dream and it CAN’T have been her love was REAL) as opposed to Luke’s selfless belief (he just… knows that Vader is hurt and hurting and believes everyone deserves the chance to do better). The trilogy still ends on the shot of twin suns, because that fucks and is objectively correct

Also key to this experience is the fact that it, despite being closer in tone to a Serious War Film, still has lots of fun, lighthearted moments, especially in the first two, because This Is Star Wars God Damn It, and it should be fun

Anyways, the great thing about remaking the prequels is that they don’t even have to be good, they just have to be better than Lucas’s attempt, which I feel I feel I could succeed in. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk

#reminder that #willow's prequels opinions #is the tag to avoid if you don't want to hear me whine about how the prequels are bad #which. they are.#they're not even films they're just a series of images on a screen that happen #some very compelling images it should be said #but still. they have maybe one coherent narrative and emotional arc between them. maybe #keep me company while i write

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organic-guacamole · 3 years

Text

episode 209 spoilers below

I'm so late today but here it is

I love EJ, he's finally learning to be happy. I'm so proud.

Ms Jenn = every boomer during zoom calls, like jeez yes we can hear you stop shouting at me.

LOVE THE SUBTLE JOKE ABOUT QUARANTINE "these dark times" "you mean spring break?"

ah yes, remember when we thought covid was just gonna give us a longer spring break? good times

SEBLOS

damn the passive aggressiveness from Carlos and the absolutely over it tone from seb✋

CASWELL COUSINS!!!!! THEY'RE THE BEST!!!!

we needed more if this kind of goofiness for the first part of season 2 that only such an iconic duo can provide.

old old movies-

is it even that old, or is Nini being a gen alpha rn-

i choose to imagine EJ being scared of the movie and hiding in Ashlyn's shoulder while she keeps a straight face and then EJ pretending to be tough afterwards

aww redlyn are soulmates.... yknow, if gingers had souls

(please ignore me)

y'all saw how EJ's face *lit up* when Gina logged on? how dare you tell me he doesn't like her

ofc she's no damsel in distress, she's Gina porter, she's amazing.

so do we think she'd be the type to just glare at suspicious people? or bark at them

do they not know that Rini broke up? or is Ms Jenn just wanting Nini to suffer through her heartbreak to make her a better actress....

speaking of, why is Nini in the call? she's not in the show anymore. Unless she is, even after the rose and the song got cut, which would be so unfair to all those that auditioned properly before she even came back but whatever, she's the main character I get it 🙄

big red is a hero honestly, Nini better thank him for changing the subject like that

I can't-

i won't work you over the break-

this woman would 100% work her kids 24/7 if it was legal and idk how to feel about it.

YES GINA USE THAT CHARM

QUEEN

FRENCH QUEEN

SHE LEARNT FROM THE BEST (antoine obvi)

smh the airport lady, eavesdropping on Gina's call.

The way she was so happy to answer EJ's call, "eej"

I love them your honour.

EJ WITH PAINTED NAILS YES PLEASE

great now we need to see Gina, Ashlyn and EJ having a complete spa day and EJ getting really into it and Gina and Ashlyn take pictures of him when he's laying down in a robe with a mask and cucumbers on his eyes.

finally we get to see Gina's side of portwell

the way she considered it as flirting, this is the sign she asked for in episode 6 come onnnnn

no is Asher/jack really doing tiktok dances in an airport-

Ricky is me. I am burrito.

oh Lynne, sweetie, I'm sorry but the blonde hair is not it

is that even the same lady or-

THE BEAN

THE CHICAGO BEAN

THE BIG OLD METAL BEAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY 😭

jetlag is my go to excuse for anything... I haven't travelled in 2 years.

"welcome to the Lynne and Mike gossip show. where we talk about our depressed son that we both neglect in certain ways! And now a word from our sponsor, Nord VPN..."

SO MANY CANDLES

WHAT DEMON IS LYNNE TRYING TO SUMMON IN HIS ROOM-

is Nina becoming social media obsessed EJ from season 1? AND SHE LIED ABOUT HAVING SONGS TOO PLEASE WHY ARW THEY RECYCLING THE SAME PLOT-

Gina smiling at the picture of her family on Instagram makes me so happy, idek why.

EJ's nails are so pretty, we needed to see it more (unless he had it on for the rest of the episode and I just.... didn't notice🧍🏽‍♀️)

oh not the tiktok kid✋

yes ma'am end this strange mans whole tiktok career

sir take a hint and leave

GINA NO DONT SAY YOUR LAST NAME HE COULD BE A HUMAN TRAFFICKER

Ricky, walking in style✨

weird kid, ok then Lynne, can't you see he's this close to the edge?

not all your fault baby Ricky, Nini sucks a bit more

RICKY YOU DIDN'T COME DOWN HARD ON THE SONG-

YOU ASKED WHAT IT WAS ABOUT AND SHE SHUT YOU DOWN-

PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF

ok but the deleting comment thing was very bad

still don't know if I like Jack honestly

hmmm so Nini's calling herself Nini instead of Nina in her little egg seat, while trying to write a song without inspiration.... Nini, honey, Ricky was your muse, he inspired you to write all those songs, even if it wasn't good for the relationship.

that doesn't mean you gotta get back with him, or that you can't write a song that not about him butttt it'll take some time

the rainbow sticker in her box and her rainbow shirt-

anyways wbk she's not totally straight

Jack are you a criminal?

quick, Gina, check his ankle for a tracker

THE YES AND PRACTICE STRIKES AGAIN

the way Gina wasn't into it in episode 6 but she's used the technique twice now

stole her grandma's Pomeranian-

Jack where the hell did you pull that out from-

the fake crying killed me, that looks like so much fun though

anyone wanna raid a first class lounge with me?

wait so is jack not gonna go in with her?

wouldn't he go in too? help look for the credit card? SO CONFUSED

the first class lounge guy was so into the drama though, watch his face when they start arguing 😭

sorry to break this to you Kourtney, but you haven't even blocked the second act yet soooo...

take that as you will

I love how all of them are totally dissing the dance off

that's the most realistic part of this show tbh

shouldn't Nini have asked how she knew....since the start? why is the fact that her best friend has knowledge of a North high secret now dawning on her...

Howie is sweet honestly, at least he's trying to help. but I stand with Kourtney, don't take him back just because he sang an amazing song, and is giving you a heads up on what's gonna happen...

KOURTNEY IS ME TRYING TO LEAVE AN ONLINE CLASS

I hate school

ooo Nini's writing a song about bad internet connection 🤩🤩🤩

I never lie, except when I do-

son that is the creepiest thing you could say to a stranger that you've been "helping"

2 truths and a lie👀

he's an Ariana fan 100%

called it.

OLDER BROTHER-

WHAT-

free spirit? damn so brother porter was in that horse movie

so has she been kissed or not?????????

I feel like she's moved more than 15 times though so possibly

but then if she's moved so much, and before east high she never opened up to anyone, she's never been kissed then?? damn

same though Gina so let's be besties please

heartbreak president is a great song title idea, give Nini a call rn

but wait

is the no strings attached feeling thing about her telling Ricky she liked him? she thought she was moving away so she thought it'd be no strings attached???

guys I think I figured it out insert the "I've connected two dots" meme

THE DUKE SWEATSHIRT

IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S

OMG I LOVE I LOVE

NOT THAT I KNOW OF???

ma'am did you just kill me

yes you did

Lynne and Ricky have such a weird relationship

YES IT DID SUCK

TODD SUCKS

LYNNE SUCKS

yeah I get that you wanted Ricky to like Todd BUT THAT WASN'T THE TIME

right so we already know that Ricky was so desperate to keep Nini cuz he didn't want to be like his parents, and now Lynne's talking about this-

Richard needs a long hug

yes Lynne, it is your fault. thank you for finally admitting it.

YES DYE YOUR HAIR

BLOND HIGHLIGHTS RICKY WILL RISE AGAIN

"sometimes the best, last thing you can do for someone you love, is let them go."

gotta admit I teared up at that point

not me thinking big red was calling ms Jenn cupcake for a hot second-

Carlos please omg, you're at the "beach" and they're leaving for the pool?

also, why not just do the call from the hotel room please omg

"don't ask me"

"Carlos"

OMG WHAT HAPPENED

big red wants the tea

O M G

SEB IS JEALOUS

JEALOUS SEBBY IS MY FAVOURITE THING IDC

I'm surprised ms Jenn knew how to give Nini permission to screenshare tbh

So lily's been stalking the East high kids and spending time editing this video while she's supposedly in an immersion trip.... right

EJ and Ashlyn's picture is so chaotic, what even is happening there

"slacking off" bestie its spring break, obviously they're confident enough that they'll get it done in time so why not focus on your own musical.

jealous seb = sassy seb

please what if those guys Carlos is posing with are his cousins or something and that's why he's so confused about Seb

6 YEAR OLD EJ I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM

Nini saying she's obsessed with her ex, that's not weird at all 👍

I can just tell Matt had a blast harassing Julia with those puppets.

Jack please dont be like that, "yet"

chances are you'll never see eachother again 🥰

(honestly sometimes I really miss those friends I made on trips and stuff when we'd spend the day or week together, only to never see them again....those were the good days though)

Ashlyn and Nini should write more songs..... something better than this one at least

Nini: "im good"

cue the Tia Mowry (please I can't spell) crying gif

oh I forgot Ricky was in the show for a hot second

1. where did Gina get to film this without people being around

2. did she just... randomly change her clothes???

ok but the transition between Carlos and EJ

*chefs kiss*

now everyone shut up, EJ's singing

oh i think I'm pregnant

HIS MUSCLES

YES KOURTNEY

I love how big red and Kourtney went from being "the best friends™" to the couple in season 1, to kinda close themselves and having their own plots

sebby makes me so happy

props to biggies editing skills honestly

PORTWELL BEING SIDE TO SIDE I CANT

AND SEBLOS OMG

big red lives for the drama

"wow" so true Ricky

no he is not cute, stop it

"holding" ok that's kinda cute

yeah EJ's a lucky guy😌

jokes aside, it's not that hard to exchange numbers-

keep in touch if you want

ok I really like Jack now

if he comes back in season 3, maybe have him be LGBTQ+ ?

like the only out characters they have rn are Seb and Carlos and they're like the sterotypes, yk?

I'd love to see jack kinda break the mold

Ricky's breaking my heart

that song just hurts

the only thing

now I don't hate Lynne????????

HOW DARE THEY WRITE IN A PROPER REDEMPTION ARC FOR HER

UGH IM SUPPOSED TO HATE HER FOREVER

I mean I don't live her now but she's good

but honestly

"mom can I show you something"

IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL

THE PICTURE AND EVERYTHING OMG

I'm sobbing please help

Gina saying she's just waiting for the right guy and then EJ coming to the airport to pick her up late at night without her asking, offering to bring her back in the morning so she won't have to Uber, bringing her a granola bar (WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE FORGOT TO PACK) and without expecting anything in return???

ms ma'am you've got a keeper right there

her smile at the end was so heartwarming I really can't.

this episode was great.

it felt really short but I liked it, great character development for Ricky, Lynne and Gina.

Cant wait for next episode to see more of EJ being the ideal boyfriend /hj

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts s2 #hsmtmts season 2 #hsmtmts spoilers #ej caswell #ricky bowen #gina porter #seblos #nini salazar roberts #jack hsmtmts #carlos rodriguez #seb mathew smith #kourtney greene #big red #ashlyn caswell #caswell cousins #portwell will be the death of me #guac's episode text blocks :)

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vidalinav · 4 years

Text

Queen of Queens: Prologue

Summary: Post ACOSF fic (so contains spoilers); in this chapter, Nesta dreams strange dreams

This fic starts in the weeks between the ending and the mating ceremony and then goes beyond. Some chapters, especially in the beginning will feel like one-shots but they’re not. They all connect eventually to the main plot which is Koschei, Nesta’s power, the Mother, the Courts, other countries, fate and so on and so forth. Eventually I hope to have other character’s POV, but that is a challenge in itself.

Updates every other Sunday (unless I feel like updating earlier); summary for chapters, dates, and all chapter links HERE; Masterlist

Sometimes when Nesta closed her eyes, with the hum of Cassian’s breathing rumbling down her back, the darkness took her quickly. Other times, she’d have to count, her mind like feet racing to climb the staircase of the House of Wind. One step after another. 200. 500. 700 and up again… except she could never reach the bottom and she could never get to the top. The stairs would crumble before her, her handprint still firmly burnt into the stone as night swallowed each step.

Nesta didn’t dream often anymore, a testament to how far she’d come…

But on night’s like these, Nesta dreamed.

On night’s like these Nesta had a hard time even closing her eyes. But sleep always took her eventually. A thief in the night. A small death to the ever-present life she’d be afforded in the morning. Nesta hoped she’d make it to the morning… because sometimes she couldn’t tell.

Sometimes when she closed her eyes, she was already floating in that darkness. The moon beamed down at her, one single eye blinking as she blinked, letting that darkness ripple with light as if she were setting out to sea. She might have had a lantern in her hands, or maybe she was carrying the moon itself. She could never tell… or maybe Nesta just couldn’t remember. All of the details becoming foggy like the mist that surrounded her.

The worst part of her dream always came to her unexpectedly, which always seemed off to her for it was always the same dream…

Nesta would look around her, peer out into that wide open space of a glittering, black sea and the boat would start to shake. She was in a raft, she thought, or a canoe, or… perhaps she was floating on her back. But hands would reach up from the night. It would grab on to her boat—her canoe—her raft. The hands would grip the nightgown of her dress, whichever one she was wearing that night. This night, a pale blue with lace at the sleeves.

And the hands would pull her under.

Pull and pull and pull.

Until it didn’t matter if she was in the cauldron or the sea. It only mattered that she was drowning.

Nesta liked to say she fought against the tide, kicked and screamed and did whatever else she’d learned in training. But truthfully, she never fought that hard. Not after all this time. Truthfully, she was tired of fighting.

Instead, she would let it pull her and she would let herself sink. Let herself breath. Three… six… nine… She never made it to ten… Ten is when Nesta started to scream.

Perhaps not aloud, since Cassian never woke her and she seldom ever seen him wide eyed when she woke up panting.

But Nesta screamed, and the hands still ravaged, and she still sank, and she still didn’t fight back… And just when Nesta thought she wouldn’t make it to the morning, a golden hand would reach out from above.

A golden hand would cease the screaming, would grab a hold of her own, outstretched, waiting for the inevitable burning that always came, and a sweet voice, a feminine, soft voice would ring in her ears until her eyes drifted open.

Nesta would never forget the words—the details of the dream, maybe—but not the words that came on harp strings and trumpets roaring.

Oh no, she’d never forget what the voice called out, and Nesta would start asking questions to match that answer she’d received. She thought she should’ve known what it was.

Would she die today?

Would the cauldron come calling to claim the rest of its power?

Would they be plunged into another war?

Would someone steal the trove out from under them?

Would they finally realize she was as scared as before?

Would she go back into that city today and become who she always was?

Would they…

Would she…

Would someone…

And, Nesta would drift back to sleep with all these questions floating in the space between dreams. The darkness claiming her once more until she woke up, Cassian beside her asking her how she slept.

She never gave him a response, only kissed him, snuggled closer, ridding her skin from that horrifying cold with the warmth of his body.

But still… Nesta could never forget the words.

Not yet, the voice would sing.

~ I feel I wrote this in a weird way but my writing style changes constantly, and this creepy dream-like stream of consciousness sort of thing came out, so we’ll see if that stays or not. Or even if you thought that.

Obvi, if you want to be tagged let me know. I forget all those tagged, so sorry, so I’ll just put you on the individual fic masterlist tag so I can just copy and paste. Of course, if you have a recommendation of something you’d like to see or just a topic that might fit in let me know and I will see. This fic will be interesting for me to write. It will definitely be different to anything I have written before. Hopefully you did not hate this prologue, but next chapter is wayyyy different anyways. So we’ll get into it.

Best!

#Nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #post acosf #acosf #acosf spoilers #nessian fanfiction #nesta x cassian

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writingpuddle · 4 years

Note

Hi hi hi so excited to see you updated! Was wondering if you could give me a brief refresh of Andrew and neils relationship in this series.. I remember the main plot points but I know I’m forgetting little things like if they had a deal I cannot remember what deal they’d struck etc - little things to put the characters back in the plot if you can - thank you!!

absolutely i can. spoilers below the cut

alright so we open up w neil at like, sixteen years old, and he’s already lost his mom and is chilling out in columbia being hella depressed running on the track team and mooning over exy from a distance. then he shows up to the changeroom after practice one day, and that sketchy exy goalkeeper is arguing with some loser from his team, and neils just ignoring it but THEN sketchy exy goalkeeper pulls a knife on this loser and neil interferes and manages to surprise disarm andrew

so obvi sketchy goalkeeper andrew is VERY intrigued by this mysterious junior and endeavours to corner him later and threaten him, which only makes it even WEIRDER because neil is like, oddly chill with being threatened with a knife. so neil is just planning to dip, because all this is very much a lot, but andrew catches up to him just before he skips town and offers him a deal that andrew will keep neils secrets in exchange for neil teaching him how to use knives.

after some agonizing, neil agrees to this deal on the condition that andrew tell him why he wants to learn how to fight, which leads to andrew telling him a little about his relationship with aaron.

so they carry on like this for a while and the conflicts keep escalating and andrew keeps showing up in the nick of time to save neils bacon (and also developing mad feelings, because duh). eventually the same loser from the changeroom fight ends up attacking neil because neil called him out on his shit and also sets fire to the school. there is much drama. in the fallout neil is trying to leave and andrew breaks and kisses him.

so neil is a bit stunned, but he sticks around and over the next week or so he decides he is definitely into this kissing thing and they become a thing. however, neil decides to renegotiate their deal on the reasoning that andrew is pretty good with knives at this point, and eventually andrew caves and agrees to relinquish his protection of neil on the condition that neil move into the house with the cousins for safety. neil reluctantly accepts this condition and they make a new deal, which is that neil will continue to spar with andrew in exchange for exy lessons.

so like, shits cute and happy for a while, and aaron kinda despises neil but nicky is just like. alright. third child. amazing, and basically imprints on neil. andrew and neil are still pretending that theyre not essentially just a married couple, but thats alright cuz theyre like. seventeen at this point.

then flatline happens, and riko kidnaps neil, and STRICTLY speaking andrew has no “deal” in place to go rescue neil, but uh. the idiot is clearly stupid in love and so he decides to go anyway, but plot plot blah blah plot andrew gets arrested and medicated and can’t come after neil.

cue a year and a half of hopeless pining at a distance, while simultaneously 100% denying pining is happening. andrew starts hooking up with roland on the side (its not like he and neil were dating or anything, whatever) and neil at one point tries to hook up with one of the ravens, but ends up bailing on it because kissing is yucky. kevin gets his hand broken and shows up at the foxes and andrew is very hostile for a while (because neil), but eventually caves to kevins offers of a deal (the standard one). meanwhile neil is getting highkey tortured on the reg and andrew is getting increasingly mad about what he’s hearing out of the nest, and well...the rests history

#spoilers #andreil #pressure points summary #thank u for this opportunity to ramble #feel free to send any follow up questions if i missed anything lol #my writing #asks #anons #Anonymous

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peritusabsurdus · 4 years

Text

bnha soccer au

(yes im still on this aHA)

okay so really i have no time to be drawing anything rn THO I REALLY WANNA but you just gotta bear w me here and imagine because it’s GLORIOUS

below the cut is like,,, all the hc’s and positions and lil things

LOV and the Pro Heroes

the LOV

Dabi is on defense, along with shigaraki and spinner

which leaves Toga,Twice and Compress on offense

Kurogiri is goalie (a really good one, too? Like in their soccer league he is The Best goalie because there’s no quirks in this AU but i feel like if there were he’d obviously be very good at goalie-ing)

All For One was their coach,,, then legal shit went down,,, now ujiko took over kinda though it’s a co-op thing with kurogiri almost

basically that’s kinda what the League is known for? a whole bunch of legal stuff from all for one and also rumors of cheating probably because they’re just Like That aha

their uniforms i think im gonna model after juventus because of the colors and stuff (kinda like how i modeled hawks’ fit after MC)

Dabi is a soccer prodigy (because of endeavor,,, YES i am adding todoroki drama) but he’s completely distanced himself from his father and family,,, it’s a whole big thing

Toga is pulling a harvey elliot and battling Hawks for “youngest soccer player ever”

obvi hawks still holds that title, even though he won it a few years prior to when toga joined the League

the beef between the League and the Heroes is basically just a publicity stunt,,, but also the teams are literally just assholes to each other like All The Time, (even during games,,,, yall can just GUESS how many fouls and penalties and red cards get pulled on ALL players like,,,, kids,,, cmon)

uhhh thats all i have for the league As Of Now

the Pro Heroes

hawks as goalie of course

miruko, edgeshot and kamui woods the team’s offense

endeavor, best jeanist, ryukyu are all defense

(yes i know there is no order for this team or any canon correlation for their ranks,,, i am totally just using the pros i like and that are the most plot relevant??? idk i can’t have todoroki drama without endeavor so)

All Might is the team’s coach,, he used to play but then he retired because of medical issues (too many destroyed ankles and dislocated knees amirite ladies????)

like i said before,,, hawks holds the record for youngest player ever (he joined when he was like 16) and broke rumi’s record aha

they’re best friends (rumi and hawks) because i said so and also hawks needs more friends

the Heroes team does this little internship thing like the Timbers do and have kids join smaller leagues and practices and stuff with them (so like Class 1-A is still apart of this AU i honestly think its cool legit teams do this stuff)

i already designed hawks’ uniform as Goalie but i think the rest of the Heroes’ uniforms are still gonna be modeled after manchester city because i know little to no other famous teams other than State teams and the Famous European Ones

this is all i have for these teams and players specifically rn,,, there’s more but i have to organize my thoughts better

miscellaneous ig?

hawks and dabi meet on the field when dabi knees hawks in the stomach when he dives for the ball (we love meet-cutes, don’t we?)

a red card is pulled on dabi obviously because goalies are like the major No-No’s for soccer but hawks still holds a grudge because dabi didn’t apologize like the meanie he is ;(

i still have to figure out specifics and shit for their different soccer Leagues and also world cups ig (like,,,, since they’re all in the same country with some pretty skilled players on Both Teams,,, i can’t imagine the chaos that would ensue if they had to *shivers* work together)

also the todoroki drama??? basically the same as canon (endeavor pushes dabi too hard to be a good player,,, dabi resents him,,, shoto gets pushed into the spotlight,,, tw abuse,,, dabi just disconnects from the todorokis,,, he tries to take endeavor’s spotlight out of spite and also when he does he gets famous enough to reveal the shitty person he is,,, yknow,, the usual,,,)

its a fun au overall and i rlly like to draw them,,, i have to get on that,,,

dabihawks is a thing and will be a thing but ig i still have to figure out how??? maybe when the world cup comes around and they’re forced onto the same team ahahahhaha

OR hawks could be traded onto the LOV for money and publicity reasons,,,

i dont know much about how all this works??? just teams and leagues and also how to play soccer (i dont even play lmao)

mkay folks,,, that’s all for today,,,, tomorrow? who knows,, might be more,,, (don’t hold me to that I have such little time for anything i-)

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brightbeautifulthings · 4 years

Text

Week 20 (p. 651-808)

"Hal himself hasn't had a bona fide intensity-of-interior-life-type emotion since he was tiny; he finds terms like joie and value to be like so many variables in rarified equations, and he can manipulate them well enough to satisfy everyone but himself that he's in there, inside his own hull, as a human being -- but in fact he's far more robotic than John Wayne" (p. 694).

I'm pretty much over this week-to-week business. Now that the end is in sight (roughly 300 pages), I'm abandoning the schedule and reading as much as I can. Scheduling reading has only ever worked for me as far as it goes. I prefer to immerse myself, however much a novel like IJ seems to discourage that. The book is always structurally interesting, but it starts to get more complicated now as various characters and plots begin to almost slide into one another. There's a cool series of scenes where Matty Pemulis observes Poor Tony, Kate Gompert, and Ruth van Cleve pass by, with Lenz running around the fringes, where pretty soon all the paths intersect at some point, with or without the characters (or the reader) noticing. There's a lot in here about J.O.I.'s films, which seem increasingly unnecessary (but so much of the book is, and is meant to be). The section on the Incandenza family from Joelle's perspective provides some of the clearest insight we have of them, and they are indeed one of the saddest families in literature. We also get Joelle's history from Molly Notkin, both interestingly told from outside perspectives, as if main characters can't be trusted to see their own families clearly.

Week 21 (p. 809-981)

I forgot how totally frustrating it is to near the end of this book and realize the plot isn't going to wrap up in any sort of satisfying way. Wallace commented in an interview (I forget which) that he didn't need to talk about what happens at the end of the book because we know what happens. Buddy, YOU know what happens. The rest of us are here flailing about trying to fit a thousand pieces together, as I suppose we're meant to. We know that the A.F.R. is planning to infiltrate Enfield by the end of the novel, that Poutrincourt is one of their spies ("...which is the slip that indicates that Poutrincourt's figured out that Steeply is neither a civilian soft-profiler nor even a female ... and would require an almost professionally hypervigilant and suspicious person to notice the significance of" p. 1052)., and that John Wayne has some vague connection besides simply being Canadian. We know that, given Orin's capture at the end, they will probably have a Master copy of the Entertainment very soon. What we don't know is how that all goes down, what the fallout is for O.N.A.N., or how Hal gets to be in the state he is in the first chapter (DMZ? AFR? I still can't decide).

"...but it couldn't ordinarily affect anybody or anything solid, and it could never speak right to anybody, a wraith had no out-loud voice of its own, and had to use somebody's like internal brain-voice if it wanted to try to communicate with something, which was why thoughts and insights that were coming from some wraith always just sound like your own thoughts, from inside your own head, if a wraith's trying to interface with you" (p. 831).

This seems like the most compelling motive for J.O.I. to want to dose Hal with DMZ, if in fact he did. Wraiths can only talk to someone who has slowed way down and is no longer experiencing time the way humans normally do--which sounds exactly like what happens when someone ingests DMZ. By the end of the novel (the beginning chapter), we know that Hal can no longer communicate with the outside world, but that there's nothing wrong with his brain voice ("I am in here" p. 3). Will Hal and Jim finally get to have a conversation?

It's clearer than ever that something has happened to Hal though. I don't know if there's any support for the DMZ toothbrush theory--I was actively looking for it and didn't find any, other than the DMZ obviously being missing when Pemulis goes to get it and Hal and other E.T.A. kids vigilantly guarding their toothbrushes. If it's true, it's a leap, but making a leap may be the only way to make sense of that particular conundrum. Whatever has happened is getting worse, as people continually interpret Hal's facial expressions as either very sad or very amused, when we know he's neither. Most tellingly, the narrative switches to first person point of view, Hal telling his own story for the first time (chronologically, if not structurally).

"He dreams he's with a very sad kid and they're in a graveyard digging some dead guy's head up and it's really important, like Continental-Emergency important ... and the sad kid is trying to scream at Gately that the important thing was buried in the guy's head and to divert the Continental Emergency to start digging the guy's head up before it's too late, but the kid moves his mouth and nothing comes out ... while the sad kid holds something terrible up by the hair and makes the face of somebody shouting in panic: Too Late" (p. 934).

It seems like Gately eventually recovers, since we know he goes with Hal to help dig up J.O.I.'s head (verified in chapter one when Hal recalls it). It's possible the Wraith told him about the Entertainment, and this seems especially plausible when Gately somehow knows the plot of the Entertainment while he's still lying in the hospital. It's also possible that Joelle told him about it; through her conversation with Steeply (p. 940), we know that she knew the Masters were buried with Himself--which, ironically, is now buried in the Great Concavity. I'm still not clear about how John Wayne got involved, but there's this super oblique comment in an endnote about Bernard Wayne, a potential A.F.R. member who had not jumped when the train arrived and later drowned (p. 1060), which could potentially be John's father or grandfather.

I had forgotten that the 'Swiss' hand model was actually Luria P----. There are two obvious nods to other novels near the end here, with Fackelmann's A Clockwork Orange style end, and Orin's business with the cockroaches echoing the rats in 1984, specifically his nonsensical shouting "'Do it to her!'" (p. 972). Her who? Luria? Avril? All Subjects in general? I'm a little curious as to why Wallace bothered to make the references. He was doing well on the graphic horror all on his own, no need for outside references.

I'm amused by how many of my questions in my Q and A section are still unanswered. I thought if I paid closer attention on a second read that I would pick up more of the plot things I'd missed on my first, but I don't think that was the problem. I think it's that those answers simply aren't to be found in the actual text. Of course, they can point us toward various conclusions, and the novel certainly encourages us to speculate and make connections, but I don't think the actual answers are there. I have some more thoughts on this, and I'll likely have a review up this week or next.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS. TURN BACK BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.

Questions & Working Theories

[tw: drug mention, infidelity, incest, statutory rape]

Q: What happened to Hal? (Obvi) - Hal purposely ate the DMZ. He even says in this section, “I cannot make myself understood, now. Call it something I ate” (p. 10). I never bought this explanation, though, because later in the book it seems like Hal is making an effort to come off drugs. - The mold Hal ate as a child had long-term effects, and something (coming off drugs?) may have triggered his current condition. Also supported by, “Call it something I ate” (p. 10). - Aaron Swartz has a very convincing theory that Hal accidentally ate the DMZ when The Wraith placed it on his toothbrush. (Again, supported by above.) Hal is an excellent communicator but lacks feelings, and J.O.I. was attempting to create something that would draw his son out of himself. - Hal was injured when the A.F.R. attacked Enfield Tennis Academy. There’s a weird line in this chapter: “I once saw the word KNIFE finger-written on the steamed mirror of a nonpublic bathroom” (p. 16). This is likely also the work of The Wraith, indicating some kind of violence, perhaps the A.F.R. attack on Enfield. - "A surreal memory of a steamed lavatory mirror with a knife sticking out of the pane" (p. 951). A: Still unclear, but I'm leaning more toward DMZ than A.F.R. on this read. We can see Hal's symptoms growing worse from the Eschaton game onward, and in the last chapters, people think he's either laughing or grimacing when he's not feeling either of those things. Still super interested in the mirror/knife asides though. Is this part of the A.F.R. attack?

Q: Why was Hal hospitalized “almost exactly one year back” (p. 16)? - The side effects of the DMZ were first starting to appear. - Hal was injured in the A.F.R. attack. - It’s clear, also, that this was when Hal met Gately. Although they never have an on-page scene together, Hal refers to the two of them attempting to dig up J.O.I.’s head to find the Entertainment, alongside a masked John Wayne. A: Unclear. See above.

Q: How did Gately, Hal, and John find out about the Entertainment in order to dig it up? How did they discover where it was hidden? - Himself actually mentions that the cartridge has been implanted in his head when he’s talking to Hal as a posed conversationalist. However, this is all the way back in the Year of the Tucks Medicated Pad, when Hal is only ten-going-on-eleven. Hard to imagine that Hal remembered what was basically a throw-away comment, let alone understood its meaning. - The Wraith may have told Gately about it while he was lying in the hospital, the same way Gately somehow knows the plot of the Entertainment while he's there. - Joelle may have told them about it, since from her conversation with Steeply, we know that she knows that all the Masters were buried with Jim, which is now buried in the Great Concavity. A: Unclear, but several plausible scenarios.

Q: Who is mailing out the Entertainment? - Swartz suggests that it’s Orin Incandenza, who later under threat of torture releases it to the A.F.R. This seems well-supported by the text, since the initial cartridge is mailed from Arizona, and it’s conveniently sent to a medical attaché with whom Avril probably had an affair (per J.O.I.’s conversation with Hal). - Some support for this theory during one of Hal and Orin's phone conversations: "'What are you doing going to the post office? You hate snail-mail. And you quit mailing the Moms the pseudo-form-replies two years ago, Mario says'" (p. 244). Why is Orin at the post office, if not to mail more copies of the Entertainment? - However, as Marie pointed out, we don't know for sure that Orin was in Arizona in April YDAU. He's there in October, but there's a flashback of him in New Orleans in July that doesn't mention the year. If it was YDAU, Orin couldn't have postmarked the Cartridge from Arizona in April. - Orin also asks Hal directly about the days leading up to Himself's death, and he seems suspiciously interested in whatever film he was working on. "'Did he have film-related things with him when he flew somewhere? A film case? Equipment?'" (p. 250). However, if he already knew about the Entertainment back in April, why ask Hal about it in November? - This conversation is continued in a lengthy endnote where Orin asks about the definition of samizdat ("the generic meaning now is any sort of politically underground or beyond-the-pale press or the stuff published thereby" (p. 1011) and comments, "'So you'd have no idea why The Mad Stork's name would come up in connection with somebody saying samizdat?'" (p. 1011). Again, it's suspicious that he's even asking, but also, if he already knows about the Entertainment, why bother to ask? Is he trying to find out, or just trying to find out what Hal knows about it? Why? - "...place the likely dissemination-point someplace along the U.S. north border, with routing hubs in metro Boston/New Bedford and/or somewhere in the desert Southwest" (p. 549). Obviously, the Southwest could be Orin, but who's distributing it in Boston? Orin before he moved? I'd guess the Antitoi brothers, but their copy turned out to be blank (or seemed to be, if it was played on the wrong model). Orin has motive to want the medical attache dead for the affair with his mother, but why the film scholar, the avant-garde film festival, and the members of the Academy of D.A.S.? Were these Himself's rivals, or people Avril also had affairs with? - "Swiss cuckolds, furtive near-Eastern medical attachés, zaftig print-journalists: he felt ready for anything" (p. 597). - "There was reason to think M. DuPlessis had received his original copies from this relative, an athlete. Marathe felt U.S.B.S.S. felt this person may have borne responsibility for the razzles and dazzles of Berkeley and Boston, U.S.A." (p. 723). Did Orin give a copy to DuPlessis, or did he send it to him to kill him? A: It seems pretty clear on a re-read that it is Orin sending out the Entertainment, either from Boston before he left it or from Arizona where he currently lives, or both. I'm still not clear how he knew about it in the first place though, in order to dig it up. Between Orin's capture/torture at the end and the Antitoi brothers' having copies of DuPlessis's stolen cartridges, it seems certain that the A.F.R. will soon locate a Master copy. (The Antitoi's turns out to be Read-Only p. 725.)

Q: How did Orin find out about the Entertainment? - Joelle might have told him, though this was after her disfigurement and their breakup, so I'm not sure why she would. A: Unclear.

Q: When did Orin transfer from New Orleans to Arizona? - In June YW-QMD, Orin was still with the New Orleans Saints, per the mail between him and Avril (p. 1006-7). - In October YDAU, he's in Arizona. Q: Unclear.

Q: What happened to John Wayne that he can’t win this year’s WhataBurger competition? A: SUPER UNCLEAR. Thanks for nothing. We know he survived the A.F.R. attack (if Steeply didn’t stop the attack) because he’s in the off-page graveyard scene with Hal and Gately. Was he an A.F.R. target after that for going against them?

Q: What “sordid liaison” (p. 30) with the M. DuPlessis, who dies in a later chapter, did the Incandenza family have? - Still not clear, but it sounds like J.O.I. either purposely or under duress gave a Master copy (or copyable copy) of the Entertainment to DuPlessis, or had it stolen from him before or after his death, and it was then stolen by accident when Gately robbed and killed DuPlessis. ("Whether or not the A.F.R. ever even recover this alleged Master copy from the DuPlessis burglary..." (p. 489).) A: Best guess is that Avril had an affair with DuPlessis, Orin/Jim discovered the affair (possibly with a name written on the fogged up glass of Avril's car), and Orin sent him a copy to kill him, which he didn't watch (because he died? Not clear on the timeline). The copy was then stolen by Gately and ended up with the Antitoi brothers.

Q: Is Marathe a double-agent, or is he just pretending to be a double agent? - Marathe has betrayed the A.F.R. and is aiding Steeply and the Americans in finding the Entertainment in order to get medical care for his wife. - Marathe is only pretending to betray the A.F.R. in order to get more information from Steeply. A: Marathe is a double-agent, and is actually betraying the A.F.R. "The A.F.R. believed Marathe functioned as a triple agent, pretending to betray his nation for his wife, memorizing every detail of the meetings with B.S.S. ... M. Fortier did not know Marathe had reached the internal choice that he loved his skull-deprived and heart-defective wife Gertraud Marathe more than he loved the Separatist and anti-O.N.A.N. cause of the nation of Québec..." (p. 529).

Q: Where did the tripod set up in the middle of nowhere on the ETA grounds come from? - The U.S.S. Millicent Kent set up the tripod as an excuse to get Mario alone. - This is the possibly the first instance of the Wraith's work. He's responsible for most of the odd occurrences at ETA, and "Mario said his late dad had used a somewhat less snazzy IV-model Husky back in his early days of making art-films..." (p. 122).) A: The Wraith put it there. "But it's true. The Husky VI tripod of Mario's near-fatal encounter with the U.S.S. Millicent Kent was only the beginning" (p. 632). After this, the instances of objects being in odd places around E.T.A. increases dramatically.

Q: Who is the narrator in some of these sections about ETA? - It's a distinct voice from the sections that have conversations, but it also sounds a little like someone talking to us. ("I want to be like that. Able to just sit all quiet and pull life toward me..." (p. 128). Is this a character? A: Unclear. The only clear first person POV character we have in the novel is Hal. In some ways, the narrator's voice does sound a lot like Hal's, but if this is the case, he also discusses himself in third person a lot (which... Hal is pretty removed from himself, so that's not entirely impossible). I'm not confident enough to say that Hal is the mystery narrator throughout the book though.

Q: Are the effects of DMZ the effects we see in Hal in the first chapter? A: Very likely. Whatever starts in the Eschaton game grows worse toward the end of the novel, as people continually interpret Hal's facial expressions as either very sad or very amused, when we know he's neither. Most tellingly, the narrative switches to first person point of view, Hal telling his own story for the first time (chronologically, if not structurally).

Q: Why do Hal's symptoms in the Eschaton game seem more like DMZ side effects than marijuana side effects? Was there DMZ mixed with it? Was it purposely mixed in, or was it the work of the Wraith? - This is the first time we see Hal with similar symptoms as the ones he has in the first chapter, which seems to suggest that--whether or not the DMZ and marijuana are related, whether it was intentional or not--Hal did take the DMZ on Interdependence Day YDAU. - Pemulis goes looking for the DMZ later on, which seems to suggest it wasn't intentional, at least not on his end. Hal also doesn't consciously acknowledge that he's going to take it in this chapter either. - Mario reflecting on his brother: "He can't tell if Hal is sad. He is having a harder and harder time reading Hal's state of mind or whether he's in good spirits. This worries him. He used to be able to sort of preverbally know in his stomach generally where Hal was and what he was doing, even if Hal was far away and playing or if Mario was away, and now he can't anymore" (p. 590). Why the change? DMZ-related? - "But the crisis of faith that cost Stice the match had concerned a different Hal, Hal can tell. It's now a whole new Hal, a Hal who does not get high, or hide, a Hal who in 29 days is going to hand his own personal urine over to authority figures with a wide smile and exemplary posture and not a secretive thought in his head" (p. 635). If Hal took the DMZ on purpose, does he know it will be out of his system in a month? What else could have created a "whole new Hal"? It seems like a leap to think that quitting marijuana is the sole cause of all the changes. A: Very likely that Hal took DMZ, maybe more than once, starting at the Eschaton game.

Q: Who is Mario's father, Jim or Charles? - This is more of a detail question than anything because I'm not sure I care about the answer. It certainly doesn't seem to matter to Mario. He obviously bonded a lot with Jim over film in a way that seems almost worshipful at times, and I'm always in the camp of family is who you choose, not necessarily who you're related to. Also, Charles seems repelled by Mario, whereas Jim apparently loved him and spent time with him, so fuck Charles. A: Unclear.

Q: Is Charles Avril's half-brother or step-brother? - Again, this is a detail question, although one is significantly grosser than the other if they're having an affair, which it sounds like they are/were. ("...the thing it's not entirely impossible he may have fathered asleep up next to the sound system..." (p. 451).) That’s... not really a question if they weren’t sleeping together. Fuck you twice, Charles. - "Charles Tavis is probably not related to the Moms by actual blood" (p. 900). A: According to Hal, he's most likely her step-brother, though it doesn't seem like anyone ever cared enough to verify this.

Q: Was Pemulis selling DMZ to the Antitoi brothers, or buying it from them? - "Bertraund had been starry-eyed enough to agree to barter the person an antique blue lava-lamp and a lavender-tinged apothecary's mirror for eighteen unexceptional-looking and old lozenges the long-haired old person had claimed in a jumble of West-Swiss-accented French were 650 mg. of a trop-formidable harmful pharmaceutical no longer available and guaranteed to make one's most hair-raising psychedelic experience look like a day on the massage-tables of a Basel hot-springs resort..." (p. 482) A: Unclear, but I'm guessing buying, since Pemulis ends up with it and, as far as we know, the Antitoi brothers don't.

Q: What's the significance of Lucien Antitoi's spirit immediately after his death? Does this have an impact on the Wraith's activities? - "...and is free, catapulted home over fans and the Convexity's glass palisades at desperate speeds, soaring north, sounding a bell-clear and nearly maternal alarmed call-to-arms in all the world's well-known tongues" (p. 489). A: It seems like the Wraith's activities amplify after Lucien's death. If he knows that Hal is in danger from the A.F.R., he might be trying to rally Gately to help.

Q: If Pemulis has Avril's affair with John Wayne to hold over her, why is he still expelled at the end of the novel? A: WOOPS. Peemster accidentally dosed John with 'drines, as well as his very public tennis opponent. Can't help feeling Pemulis unfairly got the worst of it, while Avril got in zero trouble for having an affair with a teenage student. Also, hilariously, Hal already knew about the affair and didn't care about it.

Q: What's up with John Wayne and Hal? - "...John ('N.R.') Wayne opened up the ajar door a little more and put his whole head in and stayed like that, with just his head in. He didn't say anything and Hal didn't say anything, and they stayed like that for a while, and then Wayne's head smoothly withdrew" (p. 560). - "I could somehow tell for sure that John Wayne's head was inside the open door. I could feel it clearly, almost painfully. He was looking down at me lying there on the Lindisfarne carpet. There was none of the gathering tension of a person deciding whether or not to speak. I could feel my throat's equipment move when I swallowed. John Wayne and I never had much to say to one another. There wasn't even hostility between us" (p. 956). A: No idea. There’s the possibility that John is a spy for the A.F.R. the same as Poutrincourt, but I’d thought they had to infiltrate the tennis academy because they didn’t have another spy already in place. Thanks to the weird endnote, we know he has some connection, but I’m not totally sure what it is.

Q: Do Pemulis's descriptions of the effects of annulation have anything to do with how DMZ affects people, or the effect the mold Hal ate as a child had on him? It seems oddly similar to how Hal is experiencing time in the first chapter. Is this how J.O.I. stumbled onto it? - "'Accelerated phenomena, which is actually equivalent to an incredible slowing down of time", "relativity of time in extreme organic environments" (p. 573). A: Could be one of a million metaphors in this book.

#infinite jest #david foster wallace #infinite slow summer #infinite summer #infinite jest readalong #yrstruly

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