#obviously it's not like a split personality thing it's still just a memory not active perception or something. but. still very disorientin

[kirbyddd]

see see this is a big part of what's gone. whatever tf that process of active memory retrieval is. so recalling and holding onto information at will, but also like for example when i have to look for something these days, i can't actively seek the visual object, i have to like just scan my eyes around and hope if it's there it triggers my pattern recognition. i can't "keep an eye out for it" as they say

[moon-blanket]

Going insane about the last two videos !!! What is happening right now !!!!!

Avior being able to see Starlight's home for the first time in person-- the both of them trying to take the little victories where they can get them considering all that's stacked against them :(((

And yet the Ear-Ringing continues.

But it's nice to learn a little more about Inchoate Demon feeding needs !!

"My Starlight, so determined and so beautiful. Both for those things, and separate from them. In every hell we find ourselves, you're heaven to me." I'M GOING. TO SCREAM. God what is with Redacted Characters and being so Poetic. This is beautiful. Starlight is his Home now, i'm falling to the floor.

Their cute moment getting interrupted by more Ringing :(( and RUMBLING ??? Oh god, it's actively getting Worse. A VOICE ? He feels nauseous even though D(a)emons can't get sick.

VOICE DISTORTING ??? Oh god it sounds a little like Hush. and it Keeps sounding like the time Hush used his powers in the First Video. is Hush trying to reach out to Avior ? And not Starlight ?

Is Hush the Sovereign's way of communicating with the Outside World ?

Avior asking to be held before he goes to Aria to try and figure out what's wrong :((((( Poor guy. HIS VOICE DISTORTING WHEN HE THANKS THEM ??? Hey. Hey that's Scary.

-------

Hello Blake. We're back in the fucking Building again. Already i notice that his Symbol is Different. Also looks like Hush's ??? This is getting Ominous now !!

"We're done here" Is... Is he letting Sunshine go ? OH MY GOD HE'S LETTING SUNSHINE GO ?

oh GOD he's wiping their memory. Oh but memories of Elliot still remain. Thank God. SCORPIOUS MENTION YIPPEE !!!!

"I'm going direct to the Source." WHAT does this mean. Is he going to the Sovereigns ? How is that possible ?

HE'S GOING INTO THE SHADE ROOM ?????? "I'm doing this for You. All of this. For you. You'll be Happy. You'll be safe...." ??? WHAT ????? HE JUST LETS THE SHADE GET HIM ??? WHAT ???? HE'S FUCKING DEAD ????????

BRACHIUM ???? THE SOVEREIGNS WANT HIM PASSED TO THEM ??? THAT'S THE DEAL HE MUST OBEY ??? WHY ARE WE GETTING SO LOUD RIGHT NOW.

Oh my god, Blake actually made it to the Sovereigns. He actually did it.

"I've been expecting you." A Singular voice ?? I assume it must be a Sovereign, but aren't they all fused together at this point ? Did they manage to split apart for just this One instance, or is this something else entirely ?

------

So now it's my turn to ballpark theories.

Hush, Blake, and Avior are mostly likely bound together in Some way. Maybe. I have Two (and a Half) Ideas:

1-- Hush is somehow reaching out to Avior, or they're Linked some way. Every time Hush uses his powers, Avior hears/feels it. And because it seems like people are hunting Hush so frequently, he has to use his powers more and more often-- which in turn makes it worse for Avior.

2-- Blake could be Hush, sure. I like this idea. Very interesting twist. He is obviously crazy enough to go to the Sovereigns, maybe this IS his "Deal with the Devil" situation. And they're using him for whatever purposes-- probably Freeing Them.

Maybe Doc stirs up the old residual feelings he had for Bestie in his past life, which is why he feels the way he does about them. Or maybe Doc IS Bestie-- we never got confirmation on if they were Empowered or not. He can't save them as Blake, but he can save them as Hush.

2.5-- Blake OR Avior could be Hush's Brother, the one that Hush said is out to get him. Maybe Hush is an unwanted byproduct of the Inversion-- something the Sovereigns did not expect maybe-- and Blake/Avior is tasked with finding him and seeking him out.

OR. hear me out. Vega is Hush's Brother. Maybe. In some weird twisted way. Vega wants to go to the Sovereigns, yeah ? I wonder what's going to happen when/if he reaches them. Or Hush is just another stepping stone for him to reach the Sovereigns or something, maybe. This is probably NOT it at all lmao.

-----

The timeline is about to get Real Weird, Real Fast I think LMAO. BUT HEY, SUNSHINE IS GETTING OUT OF THE BASEMENT !!! WOOO !!!

Oh my god I wonder how that's going to play out with Elliot, Aaron, and Smartass. And how the Department is going to look into things going forward. What happens when they find Blake's Body in that room ? Is everyone going to be pulled into this mess now ? And we still don't know what Vega is up to right now lmao.

I'm on the edge of my seat !

[iron-touch]

Author's Notes: Chapter 37 (Swing and a Miss)

And I'm back! Again, this chapter took a little bit longer to come out due to other commitments. But I'm pretty proud of how this one turned out nonetheless.

While I always planned on having Hol Horse have an inner monologue about intending to ditch the group at Chicago IX, some of the context of this scene had to be redone from my initial outline because, as discussed previously, him leaving here wasn't part of my original plan. That being said, it did end up going well with the golf setting.

Okay, for some context. About a year ago while I was still planning this arc, @allshaftsfall played Five Nights at Freddy's: Security Breach on stream with the intent of 100%ing the game. One of the game's achievements calls for you to get a low score on the minigolf minigame, centered around the alligator animatronic Monty. Shaft lost his mind trying to get this achievement. "Gator Golf" has since become something of a meme between us and our friends (most of which are probably reading this right now; hi!), and I knew I had to incorporate it into Iron Touch somehow. This informed several different things about the chapter, like Screaming Jay's appearance, Mr. Williams' golf clubs, and the moment where Mr. Williams is disappointed he didn't get a hole in one. I mean, hey, I was already doing a resort/beach arc anyways. Those places usually have golf courses.

That being said, the golf course itself did end up changing a bit from start to finish. I originally planned on having it be a glow in the dark putt putt course like Gator Golf (which is, in my objectively correct opinion, the superior form of golf), but decided against it because I liked the visual of the sun setting as the chapter progresses, symbolizing Hol Horse losing all his options to go out with someone else (and drawing us closer to the next chapter). My next thought was to make the golf course feel "alive" somehow; like maybe slopes would form in the ground that would guide the ball to the hole or something. I decided against that because I felt like it made it seem like I was trying to hard to make Chicago IX feel like this weird, cryptid location that bends the rules of reality. We already have the giant spider car wash portal, we don't need a living golf course. I considered making this Mr. Williams' Stand ability instead, but I couldn't think of a good "mechanism" for how it would activate. The physicality of Stands is very important to me; the Stand can't just "do thing" because the user wants them to. There's gotta be something the Stand does that makes it work, or have it be part of the Stand's design. Plus, I wanted Mr. Williams' Stand to be less obviously tied to golf. Eventually I just settled on having it be a plain old golf course.

Mr. Williams' half-afro hairstyle was inspired by a picture of a real person I found online (where someone was arrested mid haircut), but is also meant to symbolize how the stress of running Chicago IX is causing him to lose his hair. I also liked how it split down the middle, like how his Stand does.

"What kind of a person just walks around with cough drops in their pocket?" Me. I'm person.

Here's a video of what the club flip would look like, if you're curious.

I rewrote the paragraph where Screaming Jay activates like two times in order to really sell the gross out factor of it. Iron Touch needs more body horror in it! I mean...not like this is the last bit of body horror we'll see this arc. Teehee.

Originally I was very hesitant on adding an animal Stand user to Iron Touch because I didn't know what else I could do with the idea that Araki hadn't already done himself. I didn't want to make an animal Stand user just because, I wanted the fact that the character is an animal be relevant to the story. While I suppose you could replace Lucky with an old and or terminally ill human, I think the narrative of Mr. Williams restructuring Chicago IX around Random Access Memories works much better when it's his pet and not another human. I also didn't want Chicago IX's owner to be Random Access Memories' user because I thought the narrative of seeking out supernatural abilities for personal gain was too similar to Depeche.

I had to fight every fiber in my body to not have Hol Horse say "Do me a favor and shut the fuck up" instead of "Do me a favor and shut the hell up." Even in a post Stone Ocean-dub society, I'm still only allowing myself one F-bomb in the fic, and I shan't waste it here!

Shit's gonna start going down next chapter :)

Music references:

Brackish, the resident brainwasher that Mr. Williams mentions, is named after a song of the same name by Canadian heavy metal band Kittie. Originally this character had a generic name; making it a music reference was a last minute change made literally as I wrote these author's notes. I like the implication of Brackish being important enough to warrant a music reference.

Mr. Williams is a weird one. Two of the collaborators on the album Random Access Memories were Pharrell Williams and Paul Williams (not related to each other). They're "co-references" of sorts. I'll add a Pharrell song to the playlist just to prevent things from getting too cluttered, but think of them both when you listen. Plus, I felt that the name William would be very fitting for a Fnaf inspired chapter.

Mr. Williams' beta name was Screaming Jay. My initial idea for him was for him to constantly be whispering despite his name, maybe have him lash out into a yelling fit when he starts rambling, but I decided against it because that wouldn't show up well in the prose.

Screaming Jay was named after American singer Screamin' Jay Hawkins. Honestly, I just wanted to put I Put a Spell On You on the playlist. Sadly, the Hocus Pocus version isn't on Spotify.

Screaming Jay's beta name was The Romantic, after the American rock band The Romantics. This was another Fnaf reference; since their song Talking In Your Sleep was used extensively during promotional material for the movie. However, once I actually got to writing the chapter, I realized that I hated the sound of the name and decided to change it to something else.

Lucky was named after the song Get Lucky from the album Random Access Memories.

[doctordiscord123]

[Nebula is seen actively trying to open a window]

I was thinking about the DA. I don’t remember if they’re a main point in many of your fics but you know WKM so you would at least understand. Keeping in mind that in my mind, the “viewer/captain/co-heist-er/date??” in all of the stories is the same. That’s the same person to me. I have no idea if this is canon and I’m too invested in this particular idea to care atm

[the window opens and Nebula wrestles both itself and a comically large pinbord/corkboard into the building. The board is strung up Detective Abe style with red string and everything]

Keeping in mind as I said that the DA, the captain,, you know, “you” in these stories, they’re the same person, I wonder how the FUCK they feel after the events of WKM. Obviously confused, betrayed not only by Actor but by Damien and Celine, most likely, seeing how they were promised freedom and they got shoved into a mirror for being trusting. (My personal secondary headcanon that doesn’t really matter here is that the DA never got out of that mirror, in any way, and all the adventures are just memories and what-ifs in their mind, but as I said, not important here)

They’re confused, they’re lost, they don’t know what the fresh fuck is going on. I was trying to pin down exactly what they would likely do with these emotions, when I had the idea that that’s why we have so many choices. You can make silly choices, try to make smart ones, end up killing many or saving everyone or anything in-between, and that’s because the DA is so fucking conflicted and confused about everything going on. They don’t know why or HOW they’re in a spaceship, on a date, ect.,,, so they’re equally as likely to try to help or sabotage everyone, which is why we have so many different paths. That or their emotions are so volatile that if given the chance to choose again, of course they would choose differently, their opinions have changed since they were last here. They’re so unstable so of course the decisions they make are as well.

Feel no need to answer if you don’t want to, but 1) does this make any. sense , and if not, I would like to try to explain in a better way somehow 2) what are YOUR fresh and cool thoughts about the DA if you have any.

Also. Thank you for reading this. I was floating without a hyperfixation while waiting for Hazbin/Helluva Boss episodes and then I was like hm! I could watch some Markiplier stuff! And now I am Back and the special interest has me fully in its grasp

-Nebula

The DA does make in appearance in a few of my fics, their name is Danny for me and they are very very very very angry <3 absolutely boiling, still stuck in the mirror, and very pissed at Dark for shoving them up in the attic alone for several decades XD I believe the first fic they show up in is called the Past’s Reflection? Something like that XD I like to interpret that the DA is occasionally yoinked out of the mirror by the Actor for these adventures, Dark follows along to skulk and throw a wrench in things, Wil just thinks it’s fun, and the other egos are mostly oblivious. The Entity that’s split up between them all (but mostly the Actor and Dark) is pretty God-like to me, in terms of something so powerful to fuck up a whole group of people like that just by being near It, so! I have many thoughts about the Entity, I have a whole oc I’ve made up to represent it.

I like your interpretation of why the choices are so volatile and sprawling! It’s very very cool!!!

[wanda-little-baby]

First mission - Wanda x Reader

Summary: The first real mission in the field, and between various fights you meet a familiar person

Warnings: So there are fights and injuries therefore: blood, gun mentions, wounds (deep?), Explicit language, mild use of magic (mild does not mean non-lethal), implied sexual language? (Drunken chatter) and finally very little angst | 18+ DNI

A/N: So, this chapter was very complicated to write because I tried a lot of new things (like action scenes) and it's still uncharted territory for me but I don't give up and continue the adventure with more determination.

Words: 3.294

Italics: thought / memories

The mission was simple: infiltrate, deactivate the shields and kick some Nazi sympathizer's ass. And then I'm a trained spy with telekinetic powers (just under fifteen hours, but yes I am!), accompanied by one of the best spies in the world (if not the best) as well as my mentor and best friend. How bad could it go?

Needless to say, it went very badly.

Moving silently through the Sokovian bush, Nat and I split up to do first, and in no time at all we met again inside one of the Hydra trucks to get through the controls before the city.

During the checks in a sort of customs office, everything seemed to be in order, the city had been passed and now another stretch of forest was missing up to the castle.

And then the spark of disaster. A series of loud highs started rumbling in my head making me fall to the ground and pull my hair with my hands and from there a wave of magic started that completely destroyed the truck and violently knocked me and Natasha as far as possible. Obviously, immediately after the alarm went off and everyone (absolutely everyone) knew of our presence (yehh, cover blown!) and rushed in mass.

"Fuck!" I answered getting up from the ground, rightly angry with myself for the mess made

The air smells of burning, the face all covered with dirt, still confused the first thought I can formulate is to find Natasha, will I have hurt her?

Moving to the place where the truck was, I saw the redhead do the same only with more fury.

"What the hell was that?" she asked, raising her arms and referring to the wave of magic

"I have no idea! Suddenly I got a very strong headache and I don't know how I released-" I said raising my voice to match the Russian tone "-all this" gesturing to imitate the explosion of before

"Are you OK?" finally calming down she asked, remembering the flight we had made. "Yes and you?" I countered, reminding myself of the reason for my agitation. "I could be better" with her eyes scanning the white environment she replied; "We need to warn Steve, they're on their way, and there will be a lot of them," I said, staring at the towering castle beyond the forest. "Yes, I'll take care of it, you try not to blow up anything else" she stressed the event once again, making me respond with rolling my eyes.

Now I was alone with my thoughts again preparing myself for my first truly important mission. I thoughtfully fiddled with the little lightning bolt pendant hanging from my neck (it means a lot to me) pacing back and forth from one side of the street to the other.

What was that noise? I haven't done such a thing since THAT day. And why am I discovering all these new skills all so quickly?Here something stinks to me.

I don't have time to formulate a thought that the first shots are starting to be heard; as if time slowed down in a split second (almost instinctively) I created a barrier to stop the bullets. Keeping the barrier raised, my elbow pressed against my ear to activate the communicator: "Steve! Move your ass here now!"

"We met resistance, the beast eventually transformed and now we're doing it as soon as possible" Tony's voice came out of the earpiece. "Hold on! We're on our way," the captain exclaimed from inside the head set.

Right, hold on, it should be easy, right?

Tense muscles, ready for action; the barrier dissolves and I throw myself behind a tree, my breathing begins to accelerate, I put my hands in the holster and take the gun. Natasha is on the other side, I signal her to go left while I go right.

One ... Two ... Three ... now

I go further and further, breathing pure adrenaline by shooting soldiers too far away and knocking out those close enough to punch, kick or both. I feel my heart beating in my ears and in the excitement of battle I don't realize a soldier behind me ready to plant lead in my back and just before his finger pulls on the trigger, an electric arrow knocks him over to the snow.

They have arrived

Within minutes, the first wave had been totally defeated.

"Did you take it easy huh?" I said putting the gun back in its holster momentarily

"Not even a thank you?" Clint said from the vehicle they had confiscated (why?) "It see you spend a lot of time with Natasha" he added pointing between me and the redhead

To which I looked in agreement with her, who simply replied by rolling her eyes. We approached the jeep and ousted the archer from the driver's seat by choosing a better strategy: Nat drives, Clint and I shoot.

With perfect timing, more enemies begin to arrive from both sides and the dance begins again.

The three of us in the jeep, Steve on his motorcycle, Thor with his hammer, Tony in the skies and Doctor Banner's mister Hyde, one by one we divide, gaining more and more ground towards the castle.

The shots follow one another at the falling bodies, even a soldier has come close enough to almost attack Nat, at least until she has slammed the door in his face, everyone is committed to taking out the largest number of soldiers. And at a certain point, at the apex of the climax we find ourselves all lined up in the air (the jeep unfortunately has not reached the end of the climax), in a slow motion scene like those of the movies, ready for the final plea to break through the defenses and enter the base.

Now everyone was thinking to himself, Stark flew away to proceed with the next step of the plan (destroys the shields), Steve darted at high speed towards the enemy base and it was me, Nat, Clint and Hulk fighting. Move after move the widow and I watched each other's backs, putting to good use days of training together, while the archer from afar shot his lethal arrows and the Hulk sowed destruction and death in the ranks of the Hydra soldiers.

Meanwhile (from space?) JARVIS replied in the communication channel to a request from the captain: "The central building protected by some kind of energy shield. Strucker's technology is well beyond any other base we've taken"

Then landing in a thundering rush the mighty god of thunder fighting some nearby soldiers spoke: "Loki's scepter must be here." kick against a soldier's stomach "Strucker couldn't mount this defense without it." The Mjølnir that comes back hitting someone else's face "At long last" As a last breath, almost whispered with joy.

Now let's get back to us, mere mortals with no money (but with some power on my part but for this time let's let it go) as we continue to support each other side by side with the tiredness still far away on arrival and to discuss the words we have just heard in the earphones.

"At long last is lasting a little long, boys" Natasha began by knocking out two of the enemy's men

"Yeah. I think we've lost the element of surprise" Clint continued by shooting an arrow from behind a tree to blow up one of the many bunkers scattered throughout the forest

"I think I've figured it out for a while" I finished giving a sharp blow in the chest of one while I shot in the leg of another.

"Wait the second. No one else is gonna deal with the fact that Cap just said language?" Tony asked curiously, as if he wasn't in the middle of a battle

Initially I wanted to answer but then I found myself in front of five soldiers all of a sudden and a turret behind. I was surrounded, then like a bolt from the blue, Hulk literally passed in the middle of the turret disintegrating it and then I had only the five soldiers in front of me left. So just for a change this time I decided to put into practice something I had never done before in the other missions (if we can call those sad and boring surveillance of potentially dangerous objectives that way) or use my powers. Concentration, a deep breath, try to slow my heartbeat, channel all the magic in me into the palms of my hands, throw and boom! Two small scarlet spheres had completely annihilated five soldiers in one blow. Ok I absolutely had to do it more often and faster because it's much easier than guns or doing it with bare hands (sometimes even with legs). But there was no time because during this whole realization I heard Nat running towards Clint because he had been hit by a cannon from a bunker and while I was running he met them to provide a minimum of cover (just not to miss) Steve said "We have an Enhanced in the field".

It was a lot to think about but I had to first make sure my friend was okay and that her best friend was okay as he had just been shot so I continued on my way.

"Is fine?" I asked kneeling to help Nat with a temporary bandage.

"He surely won't die today," she said, holding out her hand to be passed another layer of blindfold. While we continued the conversation the bunker from before I try to fire again if it wasn't for a little thing called a barrier that I had created half a second before the shot went off "I can't hold up here forever" I said turning to the redhead behind me and to the man lying on the snow "Is anyone taking care of that bunker?" she tried to say just before the Hulk jumped on that rock construct reducing it to mush

"Thank you" she whispered (I can see that between her and Bruce there was a feeling, at least I see it and know her well enough to say that she will never admit it)

In no time after that incident Tony broke the shields leaving the green light to enter. The captain rightly decided that Barton had to be brought back to the jet and since Thor had volunteered to take him out there were only me, Steve and Tony (Nat was reassuring the Hulk to get his "crush" back) ready to enter and take the scepter, capture Strucker and put an end to this story.

With Tony already inside, I followed Steve but decided to stay outside in case someone (ehm, a certain baron… ehm) decided to escape (again). I am there waiting with joy to cut off this head of the Hydra when a girl passes in front of me, we exchange a single glance before she disappears behind a blue trail and a small gust of wind. At first glance I scream: "Hey!" and with a confused look I put my hands on my hips and look around for the mysterious girl.

Reflect, I had to reflect. Ok, repeating, I saw a girl running in the middle of a Hydra structure, now I have to zoom in a little more, the wheels of my brain start spinning faster and faster than if there was someone near me could see the smoke that came out of my ears, when suddenly the illumination, her face, I had already seen it but where?

Green eyes, dark hair and a sprinkle of freckles on the nose. A face that I have not seen before half a minute ago and yet it seems to me that I have seen it all my life.

And of course just when I'm about to get to the revelation Steve comes along and says, "Y/N! We have to go, Tony took the scepter" looking worried enough to understand that this wasn't the first time he repeated the phrase; nodding, I follow him in silence, mulling over myself to the jet.

I had to tell Natasha.

——————————————————————

Entering the jet there was a strange air, a mixture of tension and relaxation at the same time, if I had a sword (possibly magical, because it never hurts) I could slice this feeling but I had other priorities.

I sling directly next to the stretcher where Clint is, to stop Natasha's incessant cares and talk to her for a moment in private.

"Hey Clint! How's it going?" I asked hastily still upset and not at all aware of the general situation of the group.

"Like I was just shot" he said painfully, pulling Nat's hand away from the wound.

Nodding, with a more serious tone I put a hand on Natasha's arm that makes her stop and look at me with a questioning look. "Мне нужно поговорить с тобой, это срочн" I said looking at her with the most sincere eyes I could do.

In that instant she left everything, she knew that I don't speak Russian very often (at least not after that time in here ...) and so it was important. Oddly, however, she eventually changed to an expression of displeasure. "I have to make sure Bruce is okay first" she said on the verge of sadness. "Can you resist?" she asked me and I nodded not before saying "Конечно! Убедись, что твоему парню удобно!". At which she walked away rolling her eyes but smiling.

I still remember the time I learned Russian in a week. It was a movie night and completely ignoring what was being shown on TV Natasha and I were talking about our "complicated" families, munching some popcorn and talking about when she was still part of the black widows. And in the end she came up with a challenge "I bet you couldn't learn Russian" by hitting my arm with one hand she said. And with a face between the offended and the amused I replied "A yes? Then I swear to you that I will learn it ... In a week!". For the whole following week I locked myself in the room with only JARVIS company and a bunch of books on the Russian language and culture, but then in the end after six days (almost seven) I could speak Russian decently! I was so happy to have won the bet that for the following month I only spoke Russian and the beauty was that only she understood me! But then in the long run, more and more embarrassing situations arose that in the end I stopped and since then I speak only in emergencies.

Hinting a smile at the memory of that memorable month, I turned back to the archer next to me. "How is she?" I indicated with a slight nod towards the older woman

"She is very worried." he said sighing and putting himself on his elbows to be able to speak. "I haven't seen her so scared in a long time," he continued looking at a fixed point with blank eyes.

"She'll be fine. She's the strongest woman I've ever known," I sighed crossing my arms and frowning at the conversation she was having with Bruce. I then move closer to Clint's face and whisper so that only he can hear: "And then you must be fine too. After all, you must go back to your family." And giving him a smiling wink I walk away going towards Natasha.

Every time Nat and I got drunk (yes I'm almost twentytwo and I can already put in a sentence every time and get drunk) we ended up doing stupid things, and the last time was no less. The alcohol, however, began to act on her first and we found ourselves talking about our teammates and who we wanted to take to bed. And when we got to Clint, finally in a totally drunk laugh she came out claiming that he had a wife and children. I was not so drunk so the confession left me amazed and then before asking for a confirmation I had to pick up a fainted Natasha from my body and bring her back to her room. The next morning it was impossible to say that she had taken a really heavy hangover and therefore it was useless to talk to her, so when the evening arrived I put forward the question in front of a splendid dinner (obviously cooked by me) and she without confirming or denying said that she would never drink again.

——————————————————————

"What happened?" she asked with her arms crossed, staring at me all flustered.

"Earlier during the flight, I had a dream." I said trying to calm my breath. She remained silent and let me continue. "They were mostly pictures, but there was one thing in particular. A girl, the same girl who darted in front of my eyes in Strucker's base."

Needless to say, hes eyes widened in amazement.

"The enhanced one? The one that attacked Steve earlier? That one?" she asked in amazement, gradually increasing the tone of her voice with each question.

"Shh!!! Be quiet, I don't want others to hear it" I waved my arms to make lower her voice.

"And then, enhanced? Did she attack Steve? When did that happen?" I continued the huge amount of questions already asked in this situation, with more and more nervousness.

Just before she started explaining I broke off abruptly: "Anyway, I feel I have some kind of connection with her. Even now, I feel she's nervous, and I don't know how I know. It's as if, since I've seen her my powers were amplified and focused specifically on her. It's just, weird."

There was a moment of silence as I stared at Natasha making a decision, almost wanting to see what she was thinking.

I don't know what to say to Y/N, her powers are something indefinable. And then why did he dream of that girl? Steve told me that she pushed him away, and that red wisps came out of her hands like Y/N's.

Not caring in the least whether I had read Nat's thoughts or not, I exclaim.

"She is like me!"

At this point the widow in front of me was stunned and then sudden. "I'm so sorry. I was so focused waiting for your opinion and I accidentally entered your mind, I have no idea how I did it." I made a short version of an apology.

"No Y/N listen, I'm the one who has to apologize. I hid this from you, and I never should have. Whatever it is, it's part of you now as well as her. And I know now you're going to want to find her, but I ask you only one thing, rest, at least three days. It has been a hard year for you and me, between the training and the other things we have been through we need three days of total relaxation" she said finally dissolving the tense atmosphere between the two of us.

"Three days, I can resist" I finally confirmed by loosening my shoulders and letting go of a breath that I didn't even know I was holding

She stretched out her arms wanting to hug me and then asks. "I can?" and this time I feel I can say "Yes". And so we hug, (it was weird because it was the first hug in a long time) concluding the impossible things to do as done.

In the embrace, even if brief, she whispers "Don't try to read my mind anymore" and then I burst into a too little muffled laugh, mumbling an incomprehensible "Ok!".

(Why do I keep forgetting to add tags? I have no idea)

[fictionkinfessions]

This is a post about the current blog poll regarding ask games on this blog. You can find the original post and poll to vote on via this link below. Please do not send votes via ask messages.

Posts about this topic have the tag 'blog poll'.

https://www.tumblr.com/fictionkinfessions/724128639169544192/

This is long. Here is a read more.

Anonymous asked: sorry im not home and mobile search sucks or else id look myself, but is there a catchall tag for ask games? i think there is but bad memory lol. if not maybe there should be so people can block all games instead of each new one !

Anonymous asked: Suggestion for the ask game debacle: why not tag all those posts with one consistent tag like "kinfessions ask game" or something? Either in addition to or in place of the custom tags. That gives everybody's blacklist something to pick up without requiring someone to add a tag for every single ask game.

Anonymous asked: voted to keep ask games but consider just adding a catch-all tag alongside the specific game for blacklisting purposes maybe? the anon has a fair point with how many there have been lately that it can kind of drown out regular confessions but ask games are fun and it wouldn't exactly be fair to completely get rid of them. wouldn't mind a sister blog for them either though

There isn't a catch all tag, and that's a extremely good idea. I'm kinda kicking myself for not asking for feedback before making a whole poll about it. We'd still have the poll, but there would've been better options about what to do. Also for not doing that to start with.

Anonymous asked: i'm all for continuing the ask games, but can we at least LIMIT them? sometimes it feels like there's a new one every day, or like everything posted is a response to an ask game. it's obviously not stopping anybody from kinfessing normally, but it feels weird to only see ask game responses when the blog was originally intended for kinfessions

Anonymous asked: a suggestion about ask games: host one or two as events with loose but present time limits. kinda like this blog had for june, with mostly pride-themed prompts? it would probably require more moderation, so no pressure if you don't feel up to it mpc. we could even vote for favorite games but i can see it may leave someone upset bc their idea lost. right now it seems (to me. just a personal opinion) like this sudden overflow of different yet very specific prompts is a bit directionless. it's not necessarily bad for a community blog but could discourage a full "conversation"? of linked confessions, which i see as the point of ask games. this isn't to say there are no responses to posted answers - quite the opposite, actually! i just think having fewer themes would allow more unique experiences to be included, instead of splitting more subtopics.

True, there have been a fair amount, and it's been ramping up. Not a bad thing, it's nice that people have curiosity about other's canons and sources.

Seems like a lot of work, but doable imo. My concern would be actually getting people to vote for the ask games. Also if an ask game wins, but nobody plays it, then what? Do we just go onto the next one? Would there be a time limit? What if people send things after the time limit? I'd feel like such a dick for not posting it because they didn't send it in on time. This isn't really a final exam at school or your office job with time limits. Literally how do I explain it without sounding like a Super Serious Tool?

People do that for holiday things, you can't stop that from happening. The only reason I put a time limit for holidays is so nobody gets triggered after they remove a tag from their blacklist, assuming nobody celebrates Fathers Day 2 weeks afterwards. You know what I mean? Not to mention this blog is very active. People may not see prompts until long after the time limit, and they may still want to participate. Also who thinks up themes, if there will be any?

Though maybe we don't vote on them. Like you mentioned, people might get upset if theirs isn't picked. I suppose we could just do it chronologically, as they're sent in. I'm not sure how to manage this. Save the future ask games to drafts and hope I don't lose them? Probably.

Anonymous asked: Going to agree with the anon, there is a bit too many ask games ngl, like I like them but there is so many of them at this point and like I even blacklist the tags but they still get through. I just wish that there was a bit less of them or that there was a seperate blog :(

The thing about the auxiliary blog is that it won't have the same amount of traffic and might go dead. Not a bad thing, such is life. But I think part of the appeal of ask games replies and confessions is that this is a fairly high traffic blog. People want to be seen, even if it's anonymous. I wouldn't mind running a side blog, or at least getting it active enough to let someone else handle it.

Anonymous asked: Hello MPC! You don’t have to post this, but I saw that you were asking for opinions and I can’t actually find somewhere to vote on a poll (unless it was metaphorical? I can’t tell honestly), so feel free to delete this if it’s just taking up space- but I kind of agree with the anon who spoke up about the ask games. It’s not really a bad thing they exist, but when you have so many going at one time, it’s hard to keep track of and sometimes the pinned post/asks become incredibly long. It also feels like it goes against the whole ‘this is not a canon call’ mindset of the blog because it can and does spark up conversations between people, if that makes sense? It’s not a bad thing people are involved, but I feel like it takes away from the point of the blog a little. I think having the ask games be cleaned up and a new system put into place to make it easier to block the tag/find them would be super helpful, but I know that can be stressful. All in all, I’m sure everyone will support your decision!! Thank you for everything you put into this blog MPC 🖤

The voting poll post is here if you haven't found it already. Thank you for your input, you have some good points. https://www.tumblr.com/fictionkinfessions/724128639169544192 It's true that the ask game post is incredibly, tediously long. Even with tags, it's hard to ignore.

I don't know about the canon call thing, I haven't really seen people implying they should be contacted over x y z happening in their canon due to an ask game reply. Honestly I'm not fighting that battle very hard anyways.

I get the feeling that ask games are going to stay. But we did get some ideas on how to manage them better than their current form.

Summary of suggestions

Limit amount of active ask games per week or per month. Maybe 3 per week?

Create a catch all tag for ask game responses

Ask game topics per week or month. Maybe can be voteable as well?

Create side blog solely for ask games regardless??

[numbknee]

piggybacking off of buttman anon— thoughts on kenman?

hmm 🤔 well similar to buttman I haven’t thought much about kenman before either so imma spitball as I go again

kenny and cartman are bffs, no doubt. kenny is more likely than any of the main 4 boys to laugh at his jokes, go along with his schemes, etc. obviously cartman gives him shit constantly for being poor but kenny is perfectly capable of dishing it back (“if cartman's gone, why are we still calling ourselves coon and friends?” “because it pisses cartman off beyond belief. and I find that extremely funny”)

one of the only times that cartman shows true grief is in the episode “kenny dies”, and he also goes to insane lengths to try to find a cure using stem cells (though that plan kinda went off the rails because…it’s cartman lol). it’s also very telling that in post-covid, kenny and cartman stayed friends even after the gang split up, and kept in touch for nearly 40 years. that’s a LONG ASS time! these dudes genuinely care about each other.

something I find particularly interesting about their relationship is that cartman is the only one in the series that has any kind of memory of kenny dying. yes it was in an earlier season but in the episode “cartmanland” he was aware that kenny dies all the time. if cartman is uniquely capable of understanding kenny’s immortality, even fleetingly, kenny would appreciate that more than anything else in the world because he’s been so alone for so long being forced to keep that part of himself a secret. it’s honestly tragic. like the coon and friends episodes still make me pretty emo when I rewatch them because of kenny’s desperate attempts to make his friends understand and remember his deaths. also (while fucking hilarious) the whole mintberry crunch subversion completely devastated kenny, thinking he was so close to an answer and having it slip away once again. and cartman sending him to the shadow realm for extremely petty reasons sure as shit didn’t help either

I have a headcanon that cartman’s brain is so fucked up compared to the average person that he can sometimes get past whatever magical memory erasing goes on when kenny dies. so like if kenny has a particularly brutal death, cartman unknowingly finds himself being extra nice to him the next day, like giving him food or inviting him over to play video games on his fancy new console. he doesn’t exactly remember why he’s doing those things but deep down he knows he should, and that it’s also probably best to put aside the poor jokes for a while. and that’s saying a lot for cartman.

as for them potentially being in a romantic relationship? idk I personally don’t think kenny would ever really think of cartman that way and vice versa. I can see them going to each other for advice or talking more freely about their romantic relationships than than they do with stan and kyle (which we’ve seen, like cartman being the one bold enough to tell kenny they all think tammy is a slut). I can’t see kenny caring enough/having enough energy to actively try to combat cartman’s narcissism and bigotry unless it’s targeted towards him or his family like kyle would (again the kyman brainrot is strong lol). kenny’s got his own shit to deal with and while he values cartman’s friendship, he’s not looking to change his more harmful behavior.

also, sorry to other kenny ships like bunny or stenny but personally, I see kenny as mostly straight. I mean there is just so much canon evidence of kenny being actively interested in women’s bodies, even before puberty fully hits. like looking at girl porno mags all the time, that whole cheesing hallucination with the princess’s awesome rocking tits, his variation of heaven including many voluptuous naked ladies, etc. maybe he’s bi/pan, but I can’t help but want to see him in a relationship with a lovely beautiful lady who truly respects and loves him because dammit, kenny deserves some happiness in his life and he’s been pining after beautiful women for years. plus I think a long-term relationship with cartman beyond friendship would be too much work for him. he’s tired. let him rest. kyle can deal with cartman’s bullshit instead lol

[dankovskaya]

Okayyy another egregiously long sitting where I don’t think I even progressed all that much and I now have some actual (long, very long, unstructured) thoughts on characters and plot etc 👇

Well first of all since this just happened. Ok I love Merrin a lot and I love Cal and I love the unique dynamic that they have together BUT -- and I can accept that I might be one of maybe 5 joyless cunts that feel this way -- I was so hoping there would never be anything actually romantic between them. I love that after fallen order they (and the whole crew!) grew so close and familiar with each other and genuinely love each other etc + the game has been doing a really good job at displaying that familiarity in a convincing and endearing way but I so cannot describe the dread I felt in my stomach when they lingered on her putting her arms around him when they were riding the fucking. SPAMMEL. And I probably rolled my eyes at least 4 times during their little huddling for warmth in the desert cave scene 😭

But it sucks because I literally loved about 93% of their interactions that I’ve seen so far it’s just when there are those little Haha ooooo like-like? like-like? moments I’m just like. Anakin you’re breaking my heart. You’re going down a path I can’t follow. Being dramatic obviously it’s not like it ruins their dynamic or anything and Merrin’s methods of showing affection are so cute that I really don’t care That much in the first place I just can’t help but blame the 90000 star war fans who looked at fallen order and were like OOOOOO they’re in LOOOOVFVVVEEEEEEE 🥰😏🥰😏 literlaly just because they like. Touched hands that one time. And relate to each other as survivors of fucking genocides. What if we all killed ourselves. Whatever. If I’m not crazy and the rest of you also did not really want or expect Merrin to turn into an outright love interest please let me know.

Ok for the actual plot overall this thing with.... Help I already forgot the planet’s name I know it starts with a T. And like Dagan whatever the fuck. I mean. I know nothing about the High Republic era content because I just have never had any interest in it but I’m excited for this guy as a fallen Jedi antagonist and for me the most interesting moment in the game so far was after their first fight when Cal, even after watching him actively bleed his fucking kyber crystal and curse the Jedi Order, was still begging him to stay and help with the fight against the empire because there are so few of them left!!! It’s very different from how he approached Taron Malicos in the first game (from. memory.) and seems very informed by how his mindset has changed after fighting this same fight for so long etc... I was very confused initially tho about Cal’s interest in the lost planet as a potential hiding place from the empire? It made way more sense after he met up with Cere and told her about it and she proposed it could be a refuge for surviving Jedi + force sensitives + their families and I can now buy that as the driving motivation for the rest of the game or whatever but Cal did not mention anything like that 💀 All he seemed to see it as before that was a place where Greez and all his besties and whatever other people he cares about could hide from the empire which seemed incredibly odd because “hiding from the empire” is completely antithetical to all of his beliefs at this point and is quite literally why he had been avoiding the mantis crew for the past however many years? But maybe I just misunderstood something lmfao.

And on that last point I was worried the whole “we haven’t seen each other in a long time but now it’s time to get the gang back together but ooooo there’s some tension something happened....” thing was going to feel very forced and dumb but actually I think Greez Cere and Merrin all having (very respectable) reasons to want to split off and pursue their own goals and Cal being very pissed off about that and lowkey taking it personally because he projected his own mindset and self-enforced obligations onto them so hard that it felt like a betrayal and thus caused a mild amount of resentment which pretty much goes away as soon as he actually has a proper individual conversation with all of them again and is finally able to comprehend their perspectives was really good. Holy shit that was a long sentence. Really tho as soon as I heard that the mantis crew was separated and had to be reassembled I was like ohhhh goddamnit manufactured drama to pad out the playtime but it’s really not like that at all lmfao. Like I’m pretty sure at this point it’s basically wrapped up since the common goal has been established and again it was literally just due to Cal’s frankly inhuman expectations that he has for himself and his inability to imagine being able to live outside of that so as soon as he actually sits down and listens to their reasoning and possibly gets told that he has issues he’s like. That makes sense honestly my bad. Lmfao.

[neverwritewhatyouknow]

I’ve been thinking about it RWRB Antisemitism

based on all the information we know about Rachel, and how she was raised Christian and was devoted to her church… I still feel like RWRB didn’t give a fuck when it came to Jewish representation. I’m not saying Rachel isn’t talent, very much the opposite (she’s really talented), But in terms of them saying that she’s the ideal picture of Jewish rep, that’s bullshit… because Rachel is literally Christian.

Yeah, it can be argued that she has some vague Jewish heritage through one side of her family, but here’s the really important thing:

Having Jewish heritage through a grandparent (speculation, unclear who, but it’s not her mom or her mom’s side) who was never met, but actively spending all free-time devoted to a church makes the actual impact of saying that someone is Jewish, really low. It’s like me saying that I’m Christian because my grandpa on my mom’s side (who died before I was born) was Christian and until I was 9 years old, we used to celebrate some aspects of commercialized Christmas with my grandma who kept a tree in memorial of him. I obviously am not Christian just because of that, but I do have Christian heritage, technically. Though I was raised fully Jewish, like everyone else in my family was, even though we attended Easter parties friends would throw. Could I claim that I was Christian? Sure. My grandpa was, so I have Christian heritage, but I wouldn’t actually be in the ways that matter for representation’s sake, if that makes sense?

I’m NOT saying people can’t come from interfaith families, I’m saying that pushing one religion/ethnicity to the side for the time and devotion of another, makes that first one seem a lot lower on the list. In an interview, Rachel’s mom listed Rachel’s involvements and listed church first. And there is nothing at all anywhere about her being Jewish online, and a lot about her and her family being Christian. Like if you’re gonna be both, that’s great, but it’s clear that sometimes people don’t split 50/50 and instead gravitate towards one or the other (that’s normal). Someone who knows Rachel said she was very much into the church, and that’s obvious based on available information. That same person said Rachel told them that one of her parents wanted to name her Rachel “from the bible” in honor of said Jewish heritage (note: didn’t say it was because she was Jewish, but to “honor the heritage”), but a name doesn’t make you a Jew. This was said for Oscar Isaac after the whole MoonKnight thing too, Rachel Broshnahan too.

So, here’s what I’m thinking: RWRB still cast someone who is Christian to play a Jewish role. Being Jewish, involves religious aspects, racial aspects, and ethnically aspects. Being Jewish is seen in traditional practice as being passed on from the mother. Meaning that if someone has a Jewish dad, but a non-Jewish mom, the person wouldn’t be Jewish. I’m was raised reform so I’m chill about it (many Jews and branches of Judaism are not), BUT I think that when the actual ethnicity aspects of being Jewish are cast aside for the devotion of another (in this case, Baptist Christian)… I think it null and voids the inherited Jewishness. Because otherwise anyone with even the vaguest of Jewish family member could claim being Jewish, even when they don’t have any active connections to being Jewish beyond just the heritage. Or even someone who is from an interfaith family and sides more with one side of their upbringing over the other and swears off the one side can’t just use that side when it works for them in terms of getting something from it (like a job or free stuff or selfish wants). Rachel’s family is active in church, her mom and sister both— her sister led/leads Sunday school classes, you don’t do that unless you’re really into your faith. I’m not saying Rachel is, we have no clue besides calling herself a church girl and having been active in church, but it’s clear that her sister was raised so intune with Christianity that she wanted to teach it, and It can be assumed that Rachel was raised in faith the same way (especially because her mom said she was active in church). Apparently her dad would watch church services too, so based on public information, it seems that the ties to Judaism and Jewishness were shrunk or excluded in lieu of Christianity. Someone else said that they don’t think Rachel had a bat mitzvah because of how into the church her family was, since Bat Mitzvah’s “take a lot of work and planning and schooling and they don’t seem to belong to a temple” (I can’t verify that, but there’s no Bat Mitzvah announcement online or anything like that), also someone else told me that her sister was “married in a chapel and there didn’t seem to be a chuppah”, which while obviously not mandatory is a mainstream traditional part of a Jewish wedding (also, they’re pretty). So, basically even if someone who is Jewish doesn’t practice Judaism or anything Jewishy, it’s different then if someone actively was involved in another religion.

TLDR: RWRB hired someone who is Christian to play a Jew in the movie, versus a Jew without any religious ties to Christianity. Representation-wise it feels cheap, because they could have found a Jew who practices Judaism or embraces their Jewishness or just doesn’t have connection to Christianity, but it’s openly seen online that Rachel was invested strongly in the church and they went with her anyway. it feels like RWRB is saying that there can only be Jewish representation if that Jew is also (or only) Christian. Rachel is a big activist for racial justice, the environment, and mental health issues, I feel like her being Jewish would have been mentioned somewhere or been another thing entirely. Also, there is an actress who people are speculating is playing a relation of Nora (mom/grandma) and that actress isn’t Jewish either (based on info that refers to her celebrating Christmas and enjoying gospel music, and not being listed as a Jewish actor in an article that mentioned her by name a sentence earlier).

I’m not mad at Rachel at all, I respect her a lot and I think she’s crazy talented, like 100% I think she’s super cool. My ONLY issue is with the fact that production still cast someone who was (still could be) an active Christian in a Jewish role. Christians have enough representation I promise.

oh also if you’re read this far just fyi I was blocked by the director of the movie on a throwaway account after he saw my DM asking for answers about the casting choice and sending him a snapshot of my post with that really awful Ask on it, so they clearly think casting someone who was raised an active Christian in a Jewish role is fine AND are also refusing to say anything to stop the antisemitism they know is happening in the RWRB community, even for Rachel’s sake they haven’t spoken out

[dancingamongstdust]

Can you write a tsukishima kei X reader where they both tease eachother but don't realise that they have feelings for eachother. Then tsukishima says something really offensive to reader and she gets really upsets and ignores him, he then realizes his feelings for her?

I struggled writing this but it was actually quite fun! Thank you for the request.

Teasing was something fun. The tumbling words were light and playful, hinting at something more but never letting their secrets free.

You lived for the flash of annoyance in Tsukishima’s hazel eyes; a small smirk always betraying that he enjoyed the banter. Whether you were speaking to him or commenting loud enough to draw his attention, he would turn to you fully and respond in kind. Though his words dripped in sarcasm, you never took them personally.

Perhaps you should have. Your comments never held any malice and you always strayed away from actual insults.

Tsukishima didn’t quite understand that part of your game.

Some of the things that he said stung. In those times, you’d just flip him off and pretend to go about your day without a second thought. But they did bother you.

Enough to find you standing in front of your mirror and glaring at your reflection as though it could give you the answers. Everything about your relationship with Tsukishima was frivolous. You had never held a real conversation. He was just a stupidly confident man with a sharp tongue and honeyed hair. His glasses were ridiculous, his taste in music was poor, and his eyes were the type of golden brown that snatched your breath from your lungs.

You groaned and turned away from your reflection.

Why did you have to fall for him?

Was it because of his voice and the soft edge that lay beneath its harsh words? Perhaps the gentleness of his movements had drawn your attention. He never looked out of place and you envied him that.

You contemplated telling him initially but decided against it. Getting a better feel of his attitude towards you would help before any misguided confessions slipped out.

That lasted until the next day.

“I know I shouldn’t be expecting anything intelligent to come from you but think things through a little more before you speak.”

Tsukishima glanced down at you as he passed, the hint of a smile on his lips. The insult wasn’t meant. He had often mocked your intelligence before to little response – after all, he knew that you didn’t get easily offended.

This time though, you didn’t immediately respond and when you did, it was just a slight jab about something trivial.

He turned around to look back at you but you had hurried off somewhere.

Shrugging that off, he continued on his day until the next time he saw you. When he did, he waited for the retaliation.

And waited.

And waited.

He was so focused on listening out for your snide comment that he didn’t even pay attention to his other conversation. Yamaguchi, thankfully, didn’t need an active participant in his discussion. He only seemed minorly confused by Tsukishima’s confusion before continuing.

Once you’d left, he sighed and said, “Maybe it’s been a bad day.”

Tsukishima glanced over his shoulder to confirm you hadn’t walked back in. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You didn’t, like, call her a bitch, right?”

“What? Obviously not.”

Yamaguchi shrugged. “Then don’t worry so much about it. She’ll be back to normal soon.”

Tsukishima scoffed, electing to pretend the conversation was unimportant. He changed the topic onto something that was more in his area of expertise but his thoughts kept hanging on you. It irritated him to no end and he spent the rest of the day snapping a little too harshly at everybody.

The next day went no better.

He waited to hear your voice, having never realised before how well he knew it. It was something missing from his day and he didn’t even know why.

“It’s not my fault if she’s going to be sensitive about stupid stuff,” he stated when Yamaguchi next commented about your unusual silent treatment.

“Nope. Some people are just soft.”

“You’re one of those people,” Tsukishima had retorted. He meant it mockingly though any kind of rudeness had little effect on his best friend. It was part of who he was… he had really believed you understood that.

Yamaguchi tried to move on but Tsukishima continued with his complaints.

“Why would she just suddenly start taking offense to things?”

“Maybe you hit a nerve.”

“How was I meant to know she was touchy about her intelligence? Anyway, it was days ago. She should be over it by now.”

“If it’s bothering you that much, just say sorry.”

“It’s not bothering me.”

He wasn’t stupid – of course, it was – but he was hardly about to tell somebody that. You were nobody to him and your lack of comments was an absolute relief. In fact, he was rather happy that you had decided to finally take the hint.

A whole month passed and he stopped waiting to hear your voice. His stubbornness kept any apology away from you, even though one accidental meetup in the hall had nearly drawn one out. It was honestly ridiculous, he had nothing to apologise about.

He could apologise just to have you speak to him again… Tsukishima quickly chased away that traitorous thought. It was rare for him to apologise for things that actually required it, let alone for nonsense like this. A simple fact that everybody he complained to seemed to directly refute.

Just apologise. Just apologise. Like he cared enough to do so.

It took him another two months to realise why he minded so much. Why he was still hung up on you despite your supposed non-importance.

He had been walking with Yamaguchi when they passed a flower store, the place having a special on roses for your loved ones. Yamaguchi had decided to get some and for a split second, Tsukishima had touched the petals and considered buying some for you.

He pulled his hand away as though it had been burned.

“Normally you get fifteen for a situation like this.”

He scoffed at Yamaguchi. “You really need to deal with your obsession about this woman.”

Tsukishima didn’t buy fifteen roses but he realised then what it was about you that bothered him so. And he absolutely hated the conclusion that he came to.

He stepped in front of you the next day, drawing your attention to him (though he didn’t know that it rarely left). “Why are you ignoring me?” he asked.

“I’m not?” It sounded like a question, even to you.

Tsukishima wasn’t going to argue with you about it. He just raised an eyebrow and waited for you to sigh and continue.

“I’m just… I…”

“Wow that explains it very well.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “Would it kill you to say something nice?”

“Since when have we ever been nice to each other?” he asked.

Of course you didn’t have an answer for that. You had never been ‘nice’ to each other – at least not in the way most people would consider nice. But the thing was, those moments still came to your memory fondly.

“You know, I always made sure never to actually insult you,” you said.

“I never actually insulted you.”

“Yes, you did,” you pointed out. “You’re constantly pointing out how stupid I am or how uncoordinated I am or whatever!”

“It’s not like I meant them.”

That tripped you up a little. Tsukishima’s height had you looking up at him, his expression entirely unchanged. Why would he have said things that weren’t true? It wasn’t like you had even initiated this entire taunt exchange way back when you had first met. Sure, you had responded but it was his comment on your hair that had gotten to you.

“You didn’t… what?”

Tsukishima stared at you like you were stupid. “It’s not my fault if you choose to take things personally but get over it a bit quicker, would you?”

It wasn’t an apology, not by a long shot, but it was enough to explain something that you couldn’t quite pinpoint yourself. Tsukishima wanted to talk to you. Even if he thought you were being childish, his main problem lay in your sudden silent treatment.

“We’re not friends,” you said.

“No.”

“So why do you care if we’re talking or not?”

He shrugged. “I don’t.”

He did. Of course he did. Part of him wanted to say that but his pride just wouldn’t allow it. Thankfully, the message seemed to get through to you regardless.

“Do you want to go out for lunch?” you offered.

“Why would I ever want to do that?”

You smiled, noticing the small smirk’s appearance on his face. “Tomorrow. At 12.”

“Fine.”

Tsukishima left you standing there, refusing to glance back even if he wanted to. He told himself it was because he didn’t care and it had nothing to do with the uncharacteristic smile on his face.

[somewhatgreatexpectations]

For The Lover That I Lost (Wanda Maximoff/ Reader)

Hello! Welcome to part 9, inspired by Sam Smith’s “For the Lover That I Lost”. This now takes place post-civil war. 

Summary: Y/n and Wanda are finally able to talk. Will the talk end in love or tragedy?

“All of the memories feel like magic, all of the fighting seemed so sweet. All that we were, my love, was tragic and you're the last thing that I need.”

“Do you think we could have that talk now?”

For a moment you just stared at the clouds floating past the small window you were seated by and let the question hang in the air. She had given you space for a few hours, but you knew this moment was bound to come. 

The problem was that your healing was precarious, you knew that, and you didn’t know if it could withstand a conversation that was sure to open the wounds you had spent months patching up. 

“Y/n?” Wanda called, cautiously placed a hand on your shoulder. 

With a deep breath you turned your body to face her. “I thought about it, and I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Wanda.” You answered honestly. 

Her brow furrowed slightly, “I understand your hesitation, but-“

“Look, Wanda, allow me to save you the trouble.” You began steadily, “You’re sorry for how everything happened. I accept your apology. You don’t want to lose me from your life. Give me some time and then we’ll work on rebuilding the friendship. Did I get everything?”

She stared at you, her eyes troubled. “Well, not exactly, I was trying to-“

Once again, you interrupted her. “And I won’t stand between you and Vision.”  You added with a snap, as if you had just remembered something important. 

“Will you stop interrupting me?” Wanda exclaimed, shocking you into silence. “Sorry, I just-… I forgot how stubborn you can be.” She rubbed her arm in embarrassment. 

You stared at her silently, granting her wish of no interruptions. Waiting for her to get to her point, that you still weren’t sure you wanted to hear. 

As you observed her, you noticed the way she nervously spun the ring she was wearing on her finger while she seemed to ponder where to begin. “Have you always done that?” you gestured to her hands, unable to stop yourself from asking.

Her eyebrows raised at your question, obviously not expecting it. “I…” she thought about it for a moment, then ducked her head slightly. “I guess it was something that I picked up from you. For so long, your nerves were intertwined with my own that it just became a habit from watching you, I guess.” She mumbled.

You bit your lip and nodded but said nothing, taking note of how her eyes closely observed the action. You gestured for her to go on.

Wanda took a deep, steadying breath, making sure she maintained eye contact with you. “First, I am no longer with Vision. I haven’t been for months.” Your eyebrows raised curiously. “You were right though, part of what I wanted to talk about was how sorry I am. Y/n, I am, so, so, sorry. You deserved so much more than what I gave you. I don’t expect you to forgive me because I certainly don’t forgive myself.” The sincerity in her voice took you by surprise. 

The glassy look in her eyes and prominence of her accent were tell-tale signs of how upset she was. It was information you wished you didn’t know anymore. You dropped your gaze to your lap, it was easier this way.

“There is no excuse-“ she continued until a quiet knock on the wall made her stop. You both looked over to see a sheepish looking Steve Rogers standing a few feet away. 

“Sorry to interrupt. Again.” He coughed awkwardly. “I just wanted to let you know we’ve landed at our temporary hide-out. It’s that house up in the distance.” He gestured vaguely as the door to the quinjet opened to reveal an open field with an unsuspecting two-story house located in the center.

Under normal circumstances you would have thought it was a beautiful sight. The knowledge that you were all there on the run, tarnished that though. You let out a quiet breath. “It’s beautiful. Where exactly are we?”

“Spain. A very rural area at that.” He replied easily.

Despite the view, Wanda couldn’t take her eyes off you. She needed to talk to you uninterrupted and it seemed as though the universe was actively trying to prevent that from happening. All she could do was hope that this wasn’t an omen. That she still had a chance. 

“How long will we be here?” Wanda questioned, finally tearing her eyes away from you.

At the question, Steve shifted in discomfort. “A few days... if that. When Natasha arrives, it’ll be best if we split into small groups at most. We’re wanted fugitives now.”

“Natasha?” you asked with a tilt of your head, distinctly remembering her on Tony’s side.

Steve nodded. “She helped me and Bucky get out. She’s wanted now too.”

Both you and Wanda shared a look of surprise, Wanda speaking up before you could say anything. “Thank you for the update, Steve. We’ll meet the rest of you inside.”

With a knowing nod, Steve took the hint and turned to catch up with Sam who had already began walking ahead. “Guess we better head out.” you mumbled.

“Can we take a walk before we go in? I’d really like to finish our conversation.” Wanda requested hesitantly, her eyes pleading.

With another steadying breath, you nodded. She seemed determined and obviously wasn’t going to let this go. “Okay, Wanda.” You stood up and walked with her out of the quinjet, veering to a small path that was on the side of the house rather than going inside. 

After walking a decent amount, Wanda stopped and took your hand, effectively stopping you as well. You looked at her expectantly. She decided she couldn’t handle another interruption and decided to just be bold. “You’re the love of my life.”

Her words were so unexpected that you just stared at her for a moment, opening and closing your mouth as you tried to process. “I’m sorry, what?” you eventually choked out.

“You are the love of my life.” She repeated with three light squeezes to your hand. “Pushing you away – not fighting for you – was the biggest mistake of my life. A mistake I never plan on making again. I was confused and thought that my powers were tied to my heart. I was wrong. The only person that has ever held my heart and will ever hold my heart is you. I want to grow old with you. I want you for the rest of my life.” Her words were passionate and desperate as she tried to express the true contents of her heart, hoping you’d believe her. 

Disbelief was the only thing you could feel as you watched her shimmering eyes remain on yours. Shortly following the break-up you had dreamed of a moment like this. Not anymore though. You couldn’t. You had spent months learning to live without her. The risk of allowing her back into your heart came at much too high a cost. You wouldn’t recover a second time. “I-I learned to live without you, Wanda. I can’t risk it with you again. I’ve played before and lost.” You answered, finally pulling your hand out of her grasp. 

“Do you still love me?” she asked in a pleading tone, ignoring your words. She took your hands back in hers, you noticed that they were shaking ever so slightly. “Tell me you still love me. Please.”

You swallowed thickly and met her eyes, “I don’t love you anymore.” You said weakly, so weakly that you didn’t even believe it yourself. 

Wanda shook her head, clearly on the verge of tears. “I don’t believe you. I know you still love me. A love like ours doesn’t just go away. I love you, Y/n. Let me show you.” Without a moment’s hesitation, she took your face in her hands and connected your lips passionately.

Wanda sighed contently at the contact she had been missing, the way you both fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. The rush of electricity was a feeling she longed for. Getting swept up in the moment, you returned her kiss temporarily before the shock wore off and the hurt settled once again. 

Pushing at her shoulders you quickly stepped back. “You can’t just kiss me and expect everything to go away, Wanda.” You shouted at her. “I think I should go.” You mumbled turning to leave.

Watching you walk away again was a nightmare vision to Wanda and she would be damned if she gave up so easily again. She ran and stopped so she was directly in your path, preventing you from going any further. “Y/n, please, I can’t imagine my life without you” The tears she had been holding back bubbled over the surface and fell down her cheeks. You fought the urge to brush them away.

“You know, I used to think of you as the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with too. As somebody who would never hurt me. Ever.” Wanda listened to you quietly as tears flowed more steadily down her cheeks. “Now all I see when I look at you is that last moment on the roof. Of you with him. It doesn’t matter what you say, or what you do… it’s too late.”

A sob escaped Wanda’s lips as she briefly covered her face with her hands. “Y/n, please… This can’t be it.”

“It is though.” Blinking back tears, you moved to step around her. 

“Y-you’re a coward!” She cried after you, at your retreating figure. The pain clear in her voice. 

Anger quickly replaced the anguish at her words. You spun around to face her, her jaw clenched. You couldn’t believe her. “I’m the coward? No, Wanda, you are!” you shouted back.

The woman in question ran a hand through her hair, tears falling even faster. She seemed at a loss. “You’re the one that chose to run instead of staying and fighting!” 

Her words made something in you crack, she had no right to be angry. To pin the demise of what you both once were on you. “How is that fair?” you snapped at her. “I was supposed to stay and fight for someone who had very clearly decided they didn’t want me anymore? You don’t get to pardon yourself. The ashes of our relationship are on you and you alone.” You gritted out bitterly. 

For a moment she just stared at you, her chest heaving as she clutched at her chest. Almost as though your words physically impacted her. “I…I’m sorry.” she took a deep breath and recollected herself. She reached out to you, you stepped back. Her face contorted in pain at the knowledge that you didn’t want her anymore. 

“I know I don’t deserve it and you have no reason give it to me, but please, give us a second chance. Let me prove to you I mean what I say, to prove that you… you are everything. There will never be anyone else. I love you.” her eyes met yours pleadingly, slowly breaking before your very eyes.

You took your own deep breath and braced yourself for the words you were about to say. “Wanda, we don’t stand a chance. It’s sad, but it’s true. We’re bound to end in tragedy.” You said quietly, staring off in the distance because you weren’t sure you could handle watching her reaction. “It’s time to move on.”

Like a magnet though, your eyes found hers either way. 

Broken. That’s the only word that came to mind when you saw her expression. Broken sobs left her lips. Her eyes glistened as they desperately searched yours for something, something that you had blocked off long ago. “You don’t mean that.” She whispered, her lips trembling along with her words. 

You shut your eyes for a moment and prepared yourself to close the door on what you both had. “Goodbye, Wanda.” You whispered as you walked off without looking back.

If you did, you would have seen the way she fell to her knees. The knowledge that she had no one to blame for her own broken heart but herself bringing her to her knees. She buried her face in her hands as sobs wracked through her body. Longing for the comfort of your arms.

Silent tears rolled down your cheeks as you listened to the sound of her cries in the distance, but you knew it was for the best... At least you hoped it was.

That night Steve announced that it would be in everyone’s best interest to split up for the time being as he handed out older phones to everyone so each of you could be contacted and check in. After his announcement everyone retreated to their room. You quietly let Steve know where you planned on going and told no one else. 

As you discreetly prepared to leave the following morning, you found a dozen flowers at your door, half purple violets and half white dittanies. The memory of the last time you saw these flowers filled your mind bittersweetly. A memory that no longer felt like it belonged to you.

When Wanda awoke, she was disappointed to find the flowers she had gifted you back at her door and the room you were staying in empty. Even if her heart ached, she knew that she couldn’t give up. She’d try and try again because your love was worth fighting for and she wouldn’t let you go again. She was determined to spend the rest of her life trying to win you back if she had to. There was no other path for her.

And there we have chapter 9! Angst, angst, angst. I got a little carried away lol. Only 3 more to go, where do you think the reader and Wanda will go from here? As always, hope you all enjoyed and thoughts and comments always welcome. 

P.s. did anyone catch a hint of a different Sam Smith song in there? It may be a hint for the next chapter, it may not be. Still deciding. 

[madcatdaderpydrawer-blog]

Redemption Au aftermath (defensive)

The moment they manage to get the virus out of Moon, he’s going to power off. The virus was quite literally the only thing keeping his suit from shutting down, the moment it’s gone- probably right after they defeat Vanny and work on setting everyone back to normal- the first thing he’s going to come back to is his suit screaming at him to shut down immediately. Which is a bit jarring to say the least, and would probably spurr a bit of a panic albeit a very groggy one. Sun would just tell him that as confusing as this is, he should just shut down and they can talk later and he did. 

By the time he actually woke up for real, it was twelve hours later. Normally it only takes like one hour to charge from zero battery, but his suit just utterly refused to activate due to how much wear it went through. Sun ran the daycare for the day, for the few kids who came, though most of the pizza plex was closed due to the glamrocks condition after the three lunatics adventure. (aftermath of the virus, cause they presumably didn’t get damaged in the defensive version- though I haven’t fully decided that yet). They dealt with all that and how Gregory would be living with them, yada yada set up for found family stuff. By then they also enabled the memories for all the animatronics so they could remember what happened when they were infected... which resulted in him waking up in a panic as the last thing he remembered was being forced into security mode and promptly trying to murder a child, his brother, and a close mentor of his, before short circuiting due to overexertion and blacking out.

The moment Sun came into the room, Moon apologized profusely. Sun had enough time to think through how to handle talking to his newly uninfected brother during the twelve hours he was asleep, and had talked to Freddy about it so he was rather calm, buuut Moon was sort of a mess. He kept repeating that he “didn’t think it [the virus] would get so bad” and kept apologizing for hurting Sun for so long. He was semi conscious while the virus was in control, he could see what was happening but more from a spectators point of view as his ai was still highly tampered with. Like knowing you’re doing something you shouldn’t, but all opposition is like locked away from the rest of your personality and you can feel yourself acting out but can’t stop it and also can’t recognize that you are acting out poorly. Like an AI being split into two and neither feels right. And boy did he try to stop it, another thing he kept repeating; that it wouldn’t stop no matter how hard he tried. 

Sun managed to calm him down enough, and asked him the obvious question; Why didn’t he tell him about the voice as soon as it started? Why did he hide it? Moon explained that, essentially, he didn’t want to worry or scare Sun, and he knew that approaching him with “Hey, so don’t panic but there’s a voice in my head trying to convince me to kill children” wouldn’t end well. Which... valid, but still. Moon thought he could handle it and that it would go away, or be destroyed by the firewalls he had up, but the virus obviously masked itself so it wouldn’t be clear that the firewall was being torn apart until it was too late, and by the time he noticed that the firewalls had failed and it was out of control he couldn’t do anything about it. 

Bonus: Gregory being brought to meet “the real Moon” went about the same, in the way that Gregory still brought a fazer blaster and still accidentally shot Moon in the face with it out of instinct. Moon hid underneath his pile of blankets for the majority of the conversation, both to avoid getting shot again and because he couldn’t look at Gregory and Freddy after how feral he had acted when infected.

[luv-leni]

Vampire!Cravity with a human s/o

Authors Note: Hey guys so listen the inspiration for this one hit me like a semi-truck. Which means this one is long(especially minhee’s) I mean like 2k words long. I’m very sorry 😭 please let me know if having this all be one reaction kills your eyes and I’ll edit it and split it into two separate posts.

Warnings: blood, dark themes, suggestive in minhee’s part if u squint, violence, death, and overall angst. There is fluff in here too I promise. This is all fiction!

Enjoy!!

Reaction under the cut.

Serim

A gentleman but a gentleman in a high position

He probably works for a big company

He wasn’t turned too long ago so his age isn’t a problem

He has literally no clue what he’s gonna do when his age does become a problem

Anyway this businessman is very friendly

He is charming and acts like he’s got nothing to hide

U meet him outside of his workplace maybe in a coffee shop

He’s dressed to the nines and super cute so u can’t help but stare at him

Of course he notices so he offers to pay for your drink

Correction he insists on paying for ur drink

This sparks a conversation, mainly about why he’s out in public in a three-piece suit

He talks about his work and meetings and stuff u aren’t really interested in

Before u can completely lose interest tho, his eyes capture ur attention

They almost look like they’re glowing

U interrupt him to ask about his eyes and he shifts uncomfortably and brushes it off

U being perceptive notice that maybe this well put together businessman isn’t all that he seems

He on the other hand thinks u are amazing for a human and he is attracted to u very quickly

look at you heart-stealer 😉

U two start dating for completely different reasons, u want to see the skeletons in his closet and he is falling helplessly in love with u

While snooping through his personality and life u find urself starting to fall for him too

Soon his secret won’t even matter to u

Serim is very good at keeping his secret so u aren’t going to find out unless he wants u to

So whether u find out about it or not is up to him

But he is a great boyfriend so u can’t complain

Allen

Ancient vamp

Allen would be the vampire who’s been around for like 400 years

When u meet he’s reluctant to be friendly with u

He’s old enough to have seen all the people he loves leave him

So he doesn’t want to get hurt :(

It would take some persistence from u but he’d eventually warm up to you

You’d fall in love with him and all his cool vampire features

His cold skin and glowing eyes

And he falls for u hard

He’s soft to u through the whole relationship because he doesn’t want u to think he’s dangerous

Even though out of all the boys Allen might be one of the more dangerous vampires

One thing is for sure he will protect u fiercely from anyone or anything

Jungmo

Jungmo lives as if he was still human

He’s been alive(well as alive as a vampire can get) for long enough to know what he’s doing but not long enough to lose his innocence

He still loves human activities

He exercises even though he doesn't need it and eats the foods he loves even though he doesn't need to eat

He goes to the park and plays with dogs

He meets u while playing fetch with a German shepherd

U just think he’s a normal guy who is very active

When u find out he’s a vampire u don’t really believe him

And then u see his fangs

He suddenly becomes much more intimidating

He does his best to reassure u he’s still the same guy u fell in love with he just drinks blood sometimes

now u get why he volunteers at the blood bank so much

Woobin

Sweet boy

Ruby blends into society very well as a vampire

He hangs out at coffee shops and bookstores he probably even works at one

U meet him there and he is an amazing gentleman

He doesn’t want u to know he’s a vampire because u are so cute and sweet and doesn’t want to scare u

he also doesn't want to confront the fact that he is going to live forever and u won't :(

But then u find bags of blood in his freezer

When u confront him about it he is so gentle and sweet that u really aren’t that freaked out

And he shows u his cool vamp powers and promises to never hurt u

A better love story than twilight

Wonjin

Flirt flirt flirt

He thinks if he’s gonna live forever he is gonna make it worth it

So he flirts with anybody and everybody

But when he meets u

He notices that u make him feel different than everybody else

Ur different, special

U make his undead heart race and he becomes addicted to u

He still flirts with u but he does it differently

He means everything he says about u

When u agree to date him he feels alive for the first time in a while

When u find out he’s a vamp the world gets 10x more exciting

U get a boyfriend who’s basically invincible and has cool powers

Jinnie is so relieved that u aren’t scared he wraps u in a big hug and picks u up with his vampire strength

A super exciting relationship with a very exciting boy

Minhee

Ooh mysterious~

Minhee is barely noticeable in everyday life

He rarely goes out during the day and works somewhere private so he doesn’t have to meet many people

When he does go out he blends into the shadows and is so sneaky that he could get away with almost anything if he wanted to

It’s lonely but he prefers it that way

He wouldn’t talk to u unless he absolutely had to

So maybe he works in a private office and u get hired as his assistant

He doesn’t want an assistant but being a big strong vampire doesn’t mean he can do everything by himself

Ur first day u notice how closed off and dark he is

But u are determined to be his friend

As time goes on minhee becomes intrigued by how determined u are (bonus points if ur good at being his assistant)

All the tension that has been building between u two comes to a head when u confront him in his office and ask him why he’s so cold to everyone

He gets this intimidating look in his eyes and says “people aren’t worth my time anymore” or something dramatic like that

You get upset because like?? Ur obviously worth his time 🙄

So to prove it u kiss him

He’s surprised but he wants it as much as u do so he doesn’t push u away

He thinks that maybe just maybe ur the one human he can let his guard down for

Then u guys make out on his desk

Hyeongjun

I think being a vampire would dull hyeongjun a bit

He used to be this cheerful happy boy but living forever can really take a toll

So he’s a little shyer and a little quieter as he moves through daily life

He never stays in one place too long because he doesn’t want anyone to suspect him

So he doesn’t have friends or partners for very long

Then he meets u

Ur kind and friendly and u remind him of who he used to be

So he immediately becomes ur friend

Something about u is different compared to the people he usually meets it’s like he’s drawn to u

Hyeongjun comes to trust u very quickly and ends up telling u his secret himself

U don’t believe him because vampires?? real?? uh huh sure.

Hyeongjun still has the same personality deep inside so he has to show off to u so he picks up ur couch with one hand to prove he’s telling the truth

Ur rightfully shocked and he is visibly nervous

He wants u to accept him so u think over all the good memories you’ve had with him while he stares at u with wide eyes

U love him so eventually u decide to accept him and keep his secret and he couldn’t be more grateful

U accepting him definitely bring out more of his cheerful personality

U two probably move away from the city into the countryside where no one can find u

It’s peaceful and beautiful and u get to spend the rest of ur life with the one u love

Taeyoung

That last one was so sad let’s move on to the cheerful stuff

Tae is a helpful boy!

He’s gonna live forever so he’s like ‘might as well make the world a better place since I’m gonna be here forever'

He volunteers literally everywhere

He does community service and works at nursing homes

The type to go around and pay for people’s parking meters in his free time

Like jungmo he volunteers at blood banks to get his blood because he doesn’t want to hurt anybody

He does all of this under fake names that he changes every once in a while so that way no one questions why somebody who should be like 90 looks 18

He meets u while helping out at an animal shelter

U come in looking for an animal to adopt

(If u don’t like animals then u come in looking for work)

Tae helps u out with the cutest smile on his face

He’s so cute that u ask him for his number

He agrees and everything goes smoothly for u two for a while

Once ur further in the relationship tho, tae’s secret starts to eat at him

He loves u and thinks u deserve to know the truth and he hates hiding things from u

So, like hyeongjun, he tells u his secret

He does it sweetly and holds ur hand so u don’t freak out

Accept this boy and his secret and he will treat u like a queen

He doesn’t like using his vampire powers but if it makes u happy then he will

He will keep u happy for the rest of ur life if u let him

Seongmin

My babysitters a vampire incarnate

He’s a baby vampire who got turned while in high school

He can’t really control himself so he stays away from people as best he can

U see him while in class and in the hallways and u think the poor boy is just shy

He doesn’t sit with anybody during class and eats lunch alone

U find him one day outside the school eating lunch and ask to sit with him

He hesitantly agrees and u notice how cute he is

U talk to him for a while and he isn’t very responsive or talkative so u ask him why he sits alone so much

Ur expecting usual answers like maybe he doesn’t have any friends maybe people make him nervous but no

He says that he has a secret 👀

Now ur interested so u ask him what it is

He says he's a vampire and ur like damn the cute boy is crazy this sucks :((

But then he offers to prove it so u say sure and he

Has fangs???

Those must be fake right??

U lean forward and touch them and prick ur finger on one

Nope they’re real and now ur bleeding 😃

Seongmin’s eyes go wide and he scoots away from u while u search ur bag for a bandaid

When the awkwardness subsides and seongmin stops looking at u like ur dinner, u start talking about this very unique situation

He tells u that he’s literally been starving since he was first turned and needs blood badly

And u just so happen to volunteer at a hospital

So u offer to get him blood if he promises to not eat u..he agrees obviously

And that marks the start of ur very strange high school relationship

Despite how strange he can be he truly loves u and takes care of u throughout school

U two are now inseparable

[metalheddie]

Are You Lonesome Tonight?

summary: Reader and Spencer's relationship is on the rocks, but they manage to work it out.

tw: light swearing, arguments

word count: 2.3k

genre: angst/fluff

a/n: This is a songfic after "Are you Lonesome Tonight" by Elvis! This one is honestly one of my favorites to write :0 and don't worry, it's not super sad, just a little :)(Reader goes by she/they)

This has been going on for far too long now. Y/n couldn’t take it anymore. They felt alone in their own lovers’ arms, he was like a stranger, a ghost of the man they once knew. They loved him still, so much, but he was distant and he never talked to them about the things he was obviously stressed or drained from.

Y/n just wanted to help him but he never gave them a chance to, they’re actively being pushed away and it’s a pain that they never thought they would experience in this lifetime. So they decide to talk to Spencer about it.

“Spence…?” She calls from his bedroom doorway. He’s sitting on his bed cross-legged surrounded by piles of books, and his head in his hands.

The case he had just gotten back from was a difficult one, to put it mildly. Teens held hostage by another student, who was a lot like Spencer. Too smart for his own good and always overlooked by his peers. He couldn’t save them all and it was eating him up inside. He didn’t look up from the page he was dwelling on. Re-reading and trying to fit all the pieces together that he missed. You hated seeing him like this. Broken and isolating himself, throwing himself into his work where he would eventually drown.

You walk over to the bed and place your hand on his knee. He flinches back away from your touch. He’s never done that before and it breaks your heart. You retract your hand and sit on the ottoman next to the bed. You both sit in the uncomfortable silence for a little while before you say,

“Spence… I know you’re having a difficult time right now, but I really think we should go on a walk or something, just to clear your head-”

“No, y/n. I’m fine. I don’t need your help right now. Just leave me be.” He said with venom in his voice. He’s never talked to you like that before, and it hurts like hell.

“I- ok I will, but Spence at least let me get you some water or something, please just let me help-” you tried to reason with him.

“I said get out! I don’t need you here!” he shouted. That was the last straw for you.

“Fine! I’ll leave you here for the next week and a half dwelling on all the things that you could have done when you should be trying to recover from all this. All you do is push people away when you’re upset and you never think of the consequences or the people you hurt in the process.”

You lost your cool then. All the pain you’ve been feeling for the past couple of months spilling out like a dam bursting.

“The BAU’s Golden boy who could do no wrong, huh? Well, I think that’s bull. Don’t call me until you put your big boy pants on and want to talk about what’s going with you.”

Y/n could see his jaw clenching so hard his teeth might split, but at that moment they could care less. She was done being the subject of his emotional whiplash. With that, you left with tears streaming down your face and a heart so heavy you thought you would collapse from the weight of it.

~

It’s been a week and 4 days since y/n has talked to Spencer. There hasn’t been a call, text, email… nothing. She misses him of course, but she has to stand her ground. It’s so difficult not being able to pick his big beautiful brain for ideas for her songs. Y/n realized she depended on him more than she thought. She wants to pick up the phone and call him so badly, to tell him that she’s sorry and that she went too far, but pride is holding her in an iron grip and it’s almost suffocating.

All y/n has been doing is working on their covers and desperately trying to find inspiration for their next song. They haven’t had any luck so far, their mind is too preoccupied with how Spencer is holding up after what happened that night. To try and distract themselves from their own mind, they put on their favorite oldies playlist and lay on their floor.

The first few chords of their favorite song play and then,

Are you lonesome tonight

Do you miss me tonight?

y/n closes their eyes and lets a few tears slip past their lashes. Oh, how they miss their lover so…

~

Spencer hasn’t left his apartment all weekend. Wading in the guilt he felt over hurting the most important person in his life. He hadn’t meant to snap at them like that...or any of the other times it happened over the last few months. He’s pacing his apartment trying to distract himself from his own mind.

On Monday as he walks into the bullpen, he tries to keep his microexpressions in check so the team doesn’t try to profile what he’s going through. All he wants to do is get his paperwork done and go home. To do what? He’s not sure, especially because his partner won’t be there with him. Just thinking about it like that makes him tear up. He’s eventually able to pull himself together with a few deep breaths, but not without Derek catching on at the last minute.

Derek looks up from his paperwork right as Spencer hangs his head in an attempt to stop the tears from falling. Derek knows how private Spencer is when it comes to his love life, hell he’s only met his partner once the whole time they’ve been dating. He knows something’s wrong and he cares about the kid, so he walks up to him and says

“Hey, boy genius, what’s on your mind?”

Spencer turns to him, trying to keep it together. “Just thinking about this case….” He held up (what he thought to be) a random file.

“You sure about that, kid?” Derek said while reaching for said “file” which really turned out to be a loose page of his handheld calendar with a red heart around one of the days.

Derek only had to look at it for a moment to know exactly what was wrong. He was having relationship problems and suddenly he was floundering. Derek knew that feeling all too well, knowing that the job had put such a strain on his past relationships.

Spencer whips around and stares at the page, tears welling in his eyes that threaten to spill. He grabs at it and takes it back without a word. He’s embarrassed and upset and this day isn’t going as smoothly as he’d wished. Derek pulls up a chair and clears his throat to get his attention. Spencer turns to him with a look he can’t quite read. He says,

“Look, kid… I know relationships can be tough, especially in this line of work, but we have to push through the bad stuff to get to the good parts that we’ll remember forever.

Spencer sat in silence, contemplating his words.

“Do you love her?” he asks, even though he already knows the answer.

“Yes… A thousand times yes. When days and cases get really bad, she’s the only thing that keeps me going…” tears glistening in his hazel eyes.

Derek nods and leans forward. “Go to the place you think she might be… you mentioned she sings at that jazz club uptown right?”

Spencer nods, knowing where he’s going with this.

“Ok, so tonight you’ll go and see if she’s there.” Giving Spencer a small smile and pats him on the back.

He leaves for his desk and leaves Spencer alone with his thoughts once more. He would do anything to see his lover again...

---

That night Spencer found himself at the Black Rabbit Jazz Club, all by his lonesome. Sitting at the bar waiting for open mic night to start. He was replaying their fight over and over again in his mind when he heard the first chords of Y/n’s favorite Elvis song flow through the speakers. Then he heard it… The voice he’d come to know and love, filled with honey and gold.

Are you lonesome tonight?

Do you miss me tonight?

Are you sorry we drifted apart?

He turns in his chair to see Y/n, in a sleek black cocktail dress with fishnets and 40’s style heels. She’s always had an affinity to dress to the club’s feel. Her hair is situated to frame her face beautifully and the spotlight she’s given makes her look like an angel, his angel.

Does your memory stray to a brighter sunny day

When I kissed you and called you sweetheart?

They’re scanning the crowd to find a spot, or someone, to focus on to pour their heart into. Suddenly a familiar face appears to them in the crowd.

Spencer

It takes everything in them not to jump off the stage and run to him. Instead, she chooses to pour her heart out to him the only way that would seem to fit, through song.

Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare?

Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there?

Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again?

Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

At this point, Spencer is in awe of his partner. Holding eye contact with her as she sings, knowing how much emotion is behind those words. He’s shed a few tears at this point, but she’s not finished.

She steps off the stage with the mic and walks through the tables and chairs in the audience gracefully. She says,

“I wonder if you're lonesome tonight, Fate had me playing in love with you as my sweetheart. Act one was when we met. I loved you at first glance,”

She was looking right at him now, baring her soul to him while he stared in awe into hers.

“You rambled your facts so cleverly and never missed a clue. Then came act two. Honey, you lied when you said you loved me, and I had no cause to doubt you. I'd rather go on hearing your lies, Than go on living without you.”

At this moment Y/n had let go just enough to let a single tear fall past her lashes, creating a faint trail of mascara with it. Though it was getting tough to hold it together, the show must go on.

“Now the stage is bare and I'm standing there, with emptiness all around, and if you won't come back to me then make them bring the curtain down.”

Spencer dropped his head to hide the tears falling from his eyes then. Seeing them so emotionally exposed in front of him like this was rare. Especially after putting up with so much.

By then Y/n had made their way back onto the middle of the stage and sang the ending lines of the song while staring at their lover.

Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again?

Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight…

She reached out to him as she sang, and as the ending chords played she placed her hand on her heart.

After the song ended there was roaring applause, for the performance and the show she put on as well. She thanked the audience and exited the stage. She made her way out the door and Spencer followed. He rushed after her so fast he barely missed her leaning on the brick exterior. She looked up at him, slightly startled. They gazed at each other, wondering who would make the first move. After about 2 minutes y/n reached for his hand, hoping he wouldn’t pull away.

He meets her halfway and they start on the walk home. It’s wordless, but there’s no negative energy, no tension to be felt. As they arrived at Spencer's apartment door he went to unlock it and y/n wrapped their hands around his waist and leaned their head on his spine. A subtle gesture to let him know that they loved him. After going inside and sitting on the couch together, Spencer finally speaks.

“I’m so sorry. For everything. I’m sorry for not being there when you need me, I’m sorry for putting my own insecurities and self-doubts before your feelings, and most of all I’m sorry for being selfish, y/n. You deserve so much more than being cast aside. I love you so much.”

y/n’s bottom lip quivered as she tried to hold herself together so she could speak too. She took a deep breath to calm herself and said

“I’m sorry too. I should have never said those things about you and your job. God, you're wonderful at what you do and I should have never used it against you like that. I was being stupid and I wasn’t thinking. Can you forgive me, even after all of that…?”

He took y/n’s hand and kissed the back of it, he pulled her in close for a tight hug and cuddled into her. She quietly cried into his shoulder as he whispered sweet affirmations in her ear to help her calm down. After a while, her breathing evened out and her sniffling stopped. She moved to be face to face with him and gently placed her hands on the side of his face and pulled him into the sweetest kiss he could have ever imagined. If she claimed her lips were made of honey, he wouldn't doubt her for a second. After a beat or 2, they pulled away and decided to order in and watch Doctor Who, and all was well.

Fin~

[carolmaximoffs]

in a crowd of strangers and lovers

summary: of course your ex is working the night you get stood up.

pairing: bartender! ex! bucky x reader

warnings: drinking, cursing, smut, a teeny bit of degradation, bartender! bucky, this is entirely self indulgent, use of a condom for the first time in my writing in i think ever oops

a/n: this has been 3/4 of the way done for so long...finally sat down and cranked out the rest of it. short and sweet and maybe not my best but heres nothin.

You swung your legs idly as you glanced once more at your phone. Only the time glared back at you - no missed calls, no explanation texts, not even a Snapchat or a DM. It was 20 minutes past the time you were supposed to meet the man you’d been talking to for the last couple of months, and you sighed. Obviously, he wasn’t coming. You waved a hand to grab a bartender’s attention before closing your eyes and rubbing at your temples in annoyance. An all too familiar voice disrupted your self-pitying thoughts.

“You look like a tequila girl.” The first words Bucky Barnes had ever said to you. Your eyes snapped open, mouth gaping. Of course...how could you have forgotten? This was the very bar, possibly the very stool you’d met Bucky at. Before you could stammer out a reply, he was making himself comfortable against the bar-top and leaning in conspiratorially. “Hot date?”

“Very,” You sniffed, meeting his gaze in spite of your churning gut. In the glow of a neon sign overhead, his blue eyes burned almost violet. Your heart ached when he beamed, those beautiful stupid eyes crinkling at the corners like they always had.

“Well, sweetheart, you’ve been here for a while now. Show up early?” Bucky propped his chin up with his metal hand; his flesh fingers drummed idly as he waited for your reply. He’d always been able to see right through you; you weren’t backing down so easily this time. You’d actually been late, but Bucky didn’t need to know that. It was bad enough he’d clearly spotted you as soon as you walked in...you weren’t really sure what to do with that information. You lifted your chin, shrugging and looking around as if your evasive date might suddenly show himself.

“I’ll take that tequila now, please,” You replied simply. Bucky’s eyes twinkled with mirth before he turned his back to you.

“Margarita or a straight up shot?” He threw over his shoulder. Your answer was a moment too late - you wouldn’t admit it, but you’d gotten a little absorbed in the way his white tee shirt stretched over the broad expanse of his back. “Y/N.”

“Huh? Oh...surprise me.” You fought the urge to bury your face in your hands again as he smiled and turned back around. You chanced looking at your phone as inconspicuously as possible. Still nothing. Moments later, thick fingers slid a tall glass towards you, rim salted, accompanied with two neat slices of lime.

“M’lady,” Bucky drawled, dipping his head dramatically. He looked up at you beneath his lashes, cheeks straining to contain his grin. Your own face burned and your heart pounded as you mumbled your thanks. You took more of a long gulp than a sip. Just your luck, it caught in the back of your throat, and you spluttered a bit. Bucky looked like he’d won the lottery.

“Careful, sugar,” He crooned, passing you a napkin. Idly, you wondered if, next, you'd fall off the stool. “You know I love to see you choke, but only-” 

“Barnes!” 

Natasha was standing near the door to the back, arms crossed and brow arched dangerously. Your old friend offered you a tight smile before returning to glaring at her employee. Bucky winked before he sidled off, Nat’s eyes narrowing. You wished the floor would swallow you up right then.

It didn’t, and you were swirling the dregs of your margarita by the time Bucky got back. For whatever reason, you couldn’t compel yourself to leave. Not just yet. You were rewarded, however, when he realized you’d hung around; Barnes’ eyes lit up. He bit back another smile, resuming his nonchalant stance against the bar. 

“What was that all about?” You blurted, before Bucky could say anything about the near-empty glass in front of you. His smirk didn’t waver.

“Just Nat lookin’ out for you, s’all. She got off a few minutes ago, wanted to make sure I didn’t give you too much trouble.” His simper stretched into a blinding flash of teeth. “I’m not givin’ you trouble, am I, babydoll?”

You shake your head dutifully, and you think Bucky’s face might split if he grins any wider. His smile drops into something a little more seductive as he tilts impossibly closer. “Looks like your boy toy’s a no show...Sam can cover if you need a little cheering up.” 

Body and brain exploded into disagreement; lust bubbled like lava in the pit of your stomach at his request, but you knew better. You had to know better by now - you were the one who’d gotten too involved in the first place. You floundered, managing to blubber a painful combination of "we shouldn’t” or “I don't think that's the best idea”. Bucky’s face fell, only just, but he was quick to hide it as he untied a thick, worn flannel from his waist. 

“Wilson - headed for a smoke!” He shouted across the bar to where Sam was seemingly tangled up trying to serve a very amorous bachelorette party. His eyes were steely as he looked at you as if trying to pick you apart. “Think on it, yeah? No big deal, sugar. Back in five.” 

You nodded, tracing your finger through the circle of condensation from your drink. You snuck a glance at his retreating form, however, and already wanted to kick yourself. His ass in those jeans...he’d bulked up, clearly, even in the short time since you’d stop seeing each other. And there was no way in hell he thought you wouldn’t notice. The angel on your shoulder was practically throwing a tantrum as you quickly shot a text to your closest confidante.

call me in the am. about to do a bad thing

Wanda texted back almost instantly, but Bucky reentered the bar simultaneously. You clicked off your incessantly active cell phone and put on an expression you hoped wasn’t as much of a grimace as you thought. Bucky raised a single, knowing brow.

“What’s that face for?” He murmured innocuously. You lift a single shoulder in response, working extra to keep your face neutral.

“Changed your mind?” You shrugged again, and when he was sure nobody was looking, he jerked his head towards the back of the bar. “C’mon then, pretty baby.” 

“This is stupid,” You mumbled under your breath. You don’t realize how close he is behind you, jumping a little as the door swings shut behind you. 

“What’s stupid is waiting an hour for some douche when you’ve got me standing right in front of you,” Bucky whispered hotly, already spinning the two of you so your back hit the wall by the doorframe. A case of the imported vodka Nat loved dug into your calves. 

“We split up, Bucky,” You moaned as he licked at the shell of your ear. Honestly, you were half expecting something like “i didn’t know we were together”. Instead, he pulled back for a second to give you sad eyes and a slight twist of the corner of his mouth. Regret? 

Before you could truly ponder it, he was ducking back towards you, lips pressing into yours with a fire fueled by all things left unsaid. He kissed his way down your neck, and you heard his voice from months ago: ‘it’s just sex, sweetheart. just enjoy it’. You were drawn back to the present as he tugged at your lip with sharp teeth, and you recalled his gruff morning voice - ‘I better get going’. Memory pierced your hazy brain even as he slid a hand down to cup your sex. You arched into him, and he looked positively feral even in his delight. You pushed the past away as hard as you could and let yourself melt into his touch. 

As your head lilted backward to likely smack the wall, Bucky tangled a hand into your hair. He tipped your face back up to kiss it incessantly - several to your cheeks, a peck on your nose, a handful of smooches dotted to your forehead. When he finally reached your mouth again you were laughing, breathy and floaty, and he laughed too. He chuckled softly with you even as he slips his hands into your jeans, past the waistband of your cute-but-not-presumptuous panties. He was still chuckling a little, but it was more smug than amused when his fingers parted your folds and you inhaled sharply.

“Yeah,” He murmured, so low you almost missed it. “There you go, that’s my girl.”

You pretended the burst of heat through your gut is from his palm bumping against your clit. You were halfway through a moan when he withdrew his hand, instead placing both dark metal and pale skin on steadfastly on your hips. Swiftly, he placed you on top of those nagging crates you’d been pressed against - despite the marks on your thighs you’d nearly forgotten about them.

“Bucky, what-” You tried, but he cut you off with a swift press of lips to yours, tongue sliding into your mouth with practiced ease. If you sighed into the kiss, well, you’d call it heat of the moment. The familiar crinkling of foil set your anticipation and adrenaline spiking impossibly higher. Bucky pulled away to line himself up as you caught your breath, which suddenly seemed impossible. He rubbed a comforting thumb over your hip, leaning in again to nip playfully at your jaw.

“You ready, angel?” He murmured; all it took was your assenting nod before he slid home, your body greedily accepting him as if the two of you had never stopped. “Fuuuck...missed you. Missed this.”

Normally, such a suggestion would’ve irritated you - but you couldn’t deny the feelings you had had for him once upon a time, despite the casual nature of your relationship. You knew it was mutual; you knew exactly what he missed. It wasn’t just about the sex - even in the dingy storeroom of the bar, Bucky thrusting as deep as possible with one hand stabilizing the crates and the other on the small of your back, panting into each other’s mouths, it was about the connection. Being this close with another person, especially someone you dared to say you’d been good friends with, had much in common with - the interconnection of body and soul was something else. Or maybe that was your orgasm talking.

It snuck up on you. Your toes curled in your shoes, lip drew between your teeth. “Please.”

“I know, sweetheart, I know,” Bucky rasped, face buried in your shoulder. The hand on your back snaked between the two of you to rub furiously at your clit - you threw your arms around his neck for balance as your mouth dropped open in a silent scream. “Go ahead, let go. Come for me, let me make you feel good, angel.”

That did it. Your hands found purchase in his hair as your back arched; in your desperation to be quiet, you bit your lip so hard the taste of iron crept into your mouth. Bucky never slowed, chasing his own high as well as basking with you in yours. He kissed you, a little sudden, groaning deeply into your mouth as he came.

For a moment, the pair of you were silent, the only sound your heavy breaths and the rustling of clothing. Composing yourself, you made for the door - a hand on your wrist stopped you.

“This was a fluke, I know-” You started. The desperate look in Bucky’s eyes cut you off.

“I don’t...let me try again.” He mumbled, words jumbling together with nerves. He cleared his throat - you’d never seen Bucky Barnes nervous, of all things, and humility wasn’t a bad look for him. “You deserved - deserve better, sweetheart. I want to try again. I want to...I want to do it right.”

“Buck...” Your face softened, but he tensed, fearing rejection. You brought a hand up to cup his cheek softly. “I’d love to try again.”

That nagging voice in the back of your mind was on a roll - you’ll just get hurt again, it warned. He’s not good for you.

But when Bucky’s entire face lit up and he kissed you enthusiastically, making you laugh in equal parts shock and joy, that little voice was silent.

[no-droids]

Can you describe the exact moment where Mando knew he wanted to fuck the reader?

I think tumblr ate my ask, so (in Bernie Sanders’ voice) I am once again asking if you can describe the moment Mando knew he wanted to fuck the reader and couldn’t deny his feelings any longer.

(((Your second ask included another question, so I’ll write for both, ALSO SPOILERS FOR SEASON 1 OF THE MANDALORIAN YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED)))

***

The first moment Mando knew he wanted to fuck you?  Or the moment he couldn’t deny his feelings any longer?

Different moments.  Completely different moments.  Took place weeks, if not months apart from one another, in fact.

If… if he’s being entirely honest, the first one probably isn’t that interesting of a story.  He’s almost certain the thought crossed his mind before you ever said a single word to him.  Actually, now that he’s actively thinking about it, he’s pretty sure he hadn’t even seen your face when he was first struck with the idea.

That really isn’t all that uncommon for him, though.  Of course, Mando has never been immune to the charms of women, but as he grew older and in his more recent years, he learned it’s almost always best to just avoid the hassle altogether.  

That doesn’t mean he never thinks about it.

In fact, not having sex surprisingly causes people to think about sex more, if you can believe it.

Not that anyone would ever know it, obviously.  Most people are entirely capable of keeping their thoughts to themselves, but Mando does them two better and keeps his words and his face to himself, too.  Nobody truly knows what’s really going on behind the helmet, and he prefers it that way.  He can think whatever he wants, let any emotion play over his face without once worrying about its potential impact on another person.

Nobody ever knows.  Nobody knows when he’s smiling, when he’s gritting his teeth.  Nobody knows if he’s sleeping, or if he’s just choosing to sit remarkably still.  

Nobody knows how often he looks at you, especially if his head is facing a different direction.  

The beskar offers solace in that regard.  He has many personal qualms with it, but on occasion, there can be.  Benefits.  Specifically, it was incredibly useful the first time he saw you.  That day was one of the rare occasions he remembers being truly grateful for the helmet.

At that point in time, Kuiil had been dead for a few weeks, and realistically, Mando had no real reason for even being there.  He had no real reason for landing the Crest somewhere in the outskirts of his late friend’s abandoned moisture farm.  He could make up some excuse about the blurrgs weirdly getting to him, how Kuiil’s enclosure was likely too well-built to escape from and they’d probably be nearing the point of cannibalism by now.  But realistically, he had no reason.

Secretly though, if anyone ever asked him to cut the shit and just fucking explain himself—give them a legitimate, valid rationality as to why the fuck he bothered wasting the fuel returning to this desolate planet, why he delayed collecting payment on Nevarro in order to visit a barren moisture farm he knew would be empty—Mando could.  He wouldn’t, obviously, but he could.  It was stupid, it was completely fucking illogical, it was absolute fucking nonsense, but there was indeed an underlying motivation attached to his actions that he likely wouldn’t even admit to himself.

He was looking for something.  Or, someone, to be more specific.  Someone like Kuiil.  His good friend’s affinity towards children and his abilities as a versatile mechanic were incredibly useful when he was still alive, and while Mando wasn’t stupid enough to think those things came from the water here on Arvala-7, whatever trace amounts of it there were to be found in the air, he was… well, he was getting a bit desperate.

The kid was a fucking handful, always getting into trouble while he was out trying to hunt down bounties.  It would be irresponsible to take him with Mando, but it was also irresponsible to leave him in the ship by himself.  He couldn’t do both at the same time.  No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t continue to be this child’s caretaker and provider.  It just wasn’t physically possible.

He needed help.  But he had no idea where to look for it.  Kuiil was one of the only people to whom Mando ever extended an offer of partnership, one of the only people he ever trusted to look after his ship and his kid.  So, after a few weeks of unsuccessfully juggling the responsibilities of a single-parent/bounty hunter, Mando figured that if he needed to start somewhere, he should probably start at the very beginning.

He wasn’t expecting much of anything.  When he hid the sleeping kid in the stowaway cot on the ship and silently made his way across Kuiil’s land, he wasn’t expecting much of anything at all.  In fact, he kept inwardly scolding himself for even bothering.  He’d let the blurrgs out of the corral, try not to get immediately eaten by the starving beasts, and then probably just have to figure something else out in regards to the kid.  Sorgan, maybe?  There were some nice, trustworthy people there.  Maybe he could find one who’d entertain an offer of adventure.

If anyone pressed him about it, Mando supposes what he was expecting was an empty house.  Rabid blurrgs enclosed a few hundred feet away, either in the process of dying or already dead.  He even braced himself for the possibility of a dismal, scavenged scrap pile that those Maker-forsaken Jawas would leave behind if they decided to raid Kuiil’s farm while he was gone.

He… he absolutely was not expecting the sound of someone moving things around in the house.  A quiet voice murmuring unintelligibly to itself as pieces of scrap metal clanged carelessly against the floor.

Mando stepped around the corner.  And then he saw you.  Bent over, rummaging around in one of Kuiil’s spare junk bins.

And…

There.

That’s the moment.

That’s when he knew he wanted to fuck you.  Seeing you wave your ass in the air, completely oblivious to his presence as you continued rifling through Kuiil’s things.

Not very interesting, he said before.

The thought struck him a split-second before an immediate flare of anger at your blatant disregard for his friend’s memory.

His third emotion was his blaster in his hand.  That’s—admittedly, not really an emotion, but then maybe somebody should tell him why Mando sure as fuck seemed to feel it often enough.

“None of that shit is yours,” he remembers saying through the modulator, his voice rough from a day or so of disuse.  Your body snapped upright at the first word, hair pulled into a high ponytail and hands black and greasy as they immediately flew up into the air over your head, clutched tight around a few frayed wires.

“Oh shit, I wasn’t—”  You started to spin around, but you froze halfway through the process at the sound of Mando clicking off the safety of his blaster with his thumb.  Based off your positioning relative to one another and the way a sweaty tendril of your hair hung in front of your forehead, he could just barely catch a sliver of your face at this angle, but it was enough to see you try to look at him through the corner of your eye as best you could without lifting or turning your head.  “I was just here taking care of th—”

He wasn’t in the mood, and Kuiil deserved better.  Kuiil deserved better than a lot of fucking things Mando handed to him.  He deserved so much better than what happened to him, but no matter how much Mando wilted under the guilt of being the main reason Kuiil wasn’t here right now telling you to get your fucking hands off his personal belongings himself, he simply couldn’t change the past.  He could, however, right some wrongs right here and now.

“I can see how well you take care of things,” he grunted sharply, cutting you off.  “A good man dies and you think his shit is yours to scavenge?”

The wires immediately dropped from your hands and you whipped around entirely to look at him in the eye, disbelief and shock painting your expression.  “Kuiil is… d-dead?”

He… he wasn’t expecting that.

Okay… any of those things, really.

First, he wasn’t expecting you to be surprised, much less upset by the news.  Second, he wasn’t expecting you to know Kuiil’s name, or third, to move so rapidly and carelessly under a loaded blaster in response to his, in hindsight, incredibly cruel taunt.  Looking back, he wishes he made even a marginally better first impression with you, but as Mando quickly comes to learn, you’re too forgiving.  You never bring it up again.

Fourth, and notably, one of the things he remembers thinking most is how he wasn’t expecting you to well… look the way you did.

You were a young woman in the middle of this arid, fucking Jawa-infested desert and you somehow managed to look well-fed.  Vibrant, even.  Bright eyes, soft features, blinking up at him from under long lashes, plush lips parted and chin beginning to wobble like he just broke your fucking heart.

Pretty.  Grease smudged across your cheek bone, fingernails dirty, hair a complete mess.  Still.  Devastatingly pretty.

Fifth.  Strangely, and perhaps more jarring than anything else—Mando didn’t expect you to stare right into his eyes the very first time you looked at him.  Most people ended up focusing their gaze somewhere near his forehead, maybe even down to his nose on occasion.  You managed to hit him dead-on.  On the very first try.

Sixth.  He faltered.

Mando faltered under your stare, your words, your appearance.  He took way too long in responding.  He remembers watching your hands fall to your side in a shocked sort of dismay, and then he remembers silently holstering his blaster as you all but plopped down on the ground, right where you were, the stricken horror of realization painting your expression a hauntingly empty tabula rasa.

“Oh,” is all you said.

Over the next few hours, Mando learned a few things about you.  Some things you told him, other things he figured out.

Things you told him: You were one of Kuiil’s neighbors.  When you didn’t see him for a few days, you set up base here to keep things running smoothly, feed and take care of the blurrgs while he was gone.  You were waiting for him to come back.

Things he figured out:  You liked animals (even those stubborn overgrown creatures that look like they’re missing the middle-third of their body) and from the immediate softening of your expression upon catching sight of the bleary-eyed kid peeking his head around the doorway at some point, you liked children as well.  You were a moisture farmer like Kuiil, an occupation that required you to be a wide-ranged and skilled mechanic.  You lived alone and managed to stay relatively healthy in such an unwelcome environment, which meant you were hardworking and resourceful.  But the state of your clothing said you needed money.  And the way you looked at him told him you were lonely.

The last one was a shot in the dark, he’ll admit, but Mando has always been observant.  Your house had to have been a reasonable distance from Kuiil’s, just based on the sheer square acreage of his land alone.  Sometimes you tripped over your words, like it’d been just as long for you without speaking as it had been for him.

Admittedly, you were… quietly endearing to him.  In a way.  Soft spoken but sharp, capable yet entirely untested beyond this tiny little rock in the backskirts of the outer rim.  The kid liked you.  He had good instincts, and he smiled a toothy little grin every time you turned your attention to him, clearly finding the little one much easier to talk to than Mando.

And, he supposed, at the very end of the day, Kuiil apparently liked you.  Kuiil apparently trusted you.  And Mando… Mando very suddenly remembered someone—something else.  Something else Kuiil once trusted, and at that time, Mando sure as fuck didn’t.  He probably couldn’t have distrusted that fucking bounty/nanny droid more, and yet… Mando ultimately trusted Kuiil, and he ended up being completely right.  Mando was wrong, and Kuiil was right.

Weeks after he covered his body in rocks.  Weeks of silent overthinking, of the guilt of his friend’s death weighing heavier on his shoulders than any armor he’s ever worn.  Well.  Mando wasn’t about to start second-guessing him now.

Perhaps, the real question is why you ever agreed to join him when he casually offered.  A chance at adventure, at finally leaving Arvala-7?  The promise of good money, of not having to constantly worry about farming water from the atmosphere just to have a sip of it?  

To this day, he still has no fucking idea.  That’s probably something best to ask you.

Now.  The second question.

When Mando couldn’t deny his feelings any longer.

He… he feels like there’s something weird about phrasing it like that.  It’s probably better to ask about.  The turning point.  When everything either fell apart or came together, depending on how you want to look at it.  The split-second realization that shit had changed.  The exact moment when Mando knew he was well and truly fucked.

Before he starts, he should probably preface.

Mandalore isn’t known for their fine arts.

Anything creative he did as a foundling that wasn’t also inherently, at its core, strategic, wasn’t rewarded.  Ever.  His people have always been a militaristic people, and art is for peacetime.  Mandos aren’t known for their music, painting, or architecture.  Their specialty is smithing, combat, and depending on the clan, espionage.  Their symphonies are war chants.  Their murals are blood-streaked battlefields.  The last person he really remembers hearing sing, if only just for the love of it, was his father.

Maybe that’s why it originally took him so long to figure out what that fucking sound was.

He was in the pilot’s chair of the Crest, almost asleep at that point.  The door to the cockpit was shut tight, and last he checked, you were entertaining the little one in the hull.  After a few weeks with your company, he had come to expect certain things from you, if not based off the terms of the deal you two struck, then simply based off newly established precedent.

You took good care of the kid and fixed mechanics, yes, but you were also apparently a decent pilot.  You even took to the habit of cleaning the ship whenever Mando was gone.  That was never part of the agreement, but you did it anyways.  You were surprisingly helpful.  Sweet, in that regard.  Not difficult to be around, nor to work with.  And if he was being honest, you were just about the furthest thing from difficult to look at.

But mostly, you were quiet.  In general.  The record for the longest conversation ever occurring between the two of you was still held by your very first introduction.  As a quiet person himself, Mando had grown accustomed to the average individual’s insatiable need to fill the silence for him, talk his ear off out of nervousness, discomfort, or an annoying combination of the two.  In contrast, and like him, you barely said a word unless it was necessary.  It made for a peaceful journey around the galaxy, if ever a silent one.

Even more surprising, you were usually very good about keeping the noise down even with a small child in tow, and excelling where Mando failed (mainly, stopping the tears before they evolved into screeching sobs).  Because of that, the unfamiliar sound he could just barely hear from his place in the ship was that much more intriguing to him.  It was audible through hyperspace, through a metal door, and through sound-absorbent beskar.  So quiet, but loud enough for him to wonder what its source was.

He remembers standing up and slowly walking over to the door, straining his ears and listening to the volume marginally increase, but not by much.  Just to the point where he could finally place it, though it took him far longer than it should’ve even considering the situation.

A gentle melody.  Humming.  Sweetly reverberating throughout the ship despite its deadened acoustics, when Mando didn’t think he’d heard a song in years.

He must’ve stayed like that for a few minutes at least, just standing statuesquely in front of the door leading to the hull.  Either… either you were singing to his son, or you were singing just because you felt like it.  Somehow, each one of those possibilities managed to move him more than the last.

Only it was still too quiet to truly hear.  There were still just too many pieces of metal separating him from you.

So, at that point, he had two choices.

Well, three.  Mando had three choices.  He could always just fuck off and go back to the pilot’s seat, up the noise cancellation setting on his helmet just slightly and try to pass the fuck out, but that wasn’t… realistic.

So he had two viable choices.  Each one came with its own set of problems.

One, he could press a button on the panel and open the door.  Potential problems included the noise it would make while shifting to the side, and the ability for you to catch him eavesdropping if you happened to be standing right under the ladder to the cockpit.  Statistically, the prior was much more plausible.  If it happened, and it was very likely to happen, you’d stop singing and the ship would be silent.  Once again.  Like always.

Two, he could.  He could… take his helmet off.  But—

—But here was the thing about that.  Mando hated doing it.  Even when he had to take it off to eat, he hated doing it.  And not because of the reason most people would probably expect.  It wasn’t because he felt uncomfortable or exposed without it, even when barricaded inside an enclosed space like this by himself.  It wasn’t because he felt guilty about it, either.  Technically, he would probably be violating his oath by removing it unless absolutely unnecessary—eating, for example, or bathing, or about to bleed out and die from a head wound, etc—but Mando probably couldn’t have given less of a shit about the details.  He was always more of a big-picture person.

No, the reason he hated doing it was because… well, because of how much he really fucking loved doing it.

When he was younger, he’d always looked forward to any excuse to breathe fresh air.  He’d drag out his meals for as long as he reasonably could, trying to memorize the way everything looked without a digital interface shielding his eyes.  He used to have absolutely impeccable grooming habits, really taking his time shaving his face and deep cleaning the beskar and filter every single day.

That… that only lasted a few years.

Eventually, it became harder and harder to put the damn thing back on again.  Only, he had to.  This was his life.  After a handful of decades, taking the helmet off became less about savoring the moments without it and more about just prolonging the inevitable.  Making it that much more difficult to accept.  If you knew you were going to starve, would you want a full course buffet in front of you the entire time?  Let the visuals of everything you could never have, the aromas torment you until your very last breath?  The blissful temptation started to eat away at him, until eventually he just grew to dread taking it off altogether.

Eventually, those few moments of relief from the torture of wearing it just became the worst torture of all.

It was easier keeping it on.  Physically, emotionally, whatever.  His body would acclimate to the metal and padding wrapped tight around his skull, and some days he happily forced down the growling in his stomach and skipped meals altogether.  He hated taking it off.  He hated the fresh air.  He slept in the helmet.  When he had to, he scarfed down his food.  He learned how to eat with his eyes closed.

So.  To reiterate, Mando had two choices.

One.  Run the incredibly high risk of you stopping entirely.  

Two.  Do the thing he arguably hated doing more than anything else in this galaxy.

He silently turned and pressed his back against the closed door, sliding down to the ground and weighing his options.  Technically this was a non-problem.  Technically he was just making things difficult for himself.  He could always just say fuck it and mind his own damn business.  He could always just… he could…

He—

He took the helmet off.

He cradled the beskar between his knees and stared down at the visor as it glared judgmentally back up at him, his spine resting against the closed door and listening to your soft humming for as long as you felt like doing it.

And…

There.

That’s the moment Mando knew he was fucked.

That’s the moment the countdown started.  From that point on, it became only a matter when he’d give in, not if.  Before, he could at least pretend everything was fine.  Before, he could at least tell himself with reasonable certainty that while he genuinely liked you as a person, he’d never push your relationship past the point of quiet, yet friendly, business acquaintances.

But that was the moment Mando knew he was full of shit.  That sooner or later, there’d come a point, a shift, when his resolve would eventually snap.  And like his kid and the ship, he’d let himself get taken care of by you, too.

He didn’t know how long it would take, or the catalyst that would set everything off.  It could be anything.  A close brush with death.  A soft, much needed touch.

Fuck, even just a really rough day.