#of course my grievances with the creators mean nothing the do what the will i like or not like it it's my problem

[beastsovrevelation]

I do wonder whether underappreciating Adriel x Lilith is just the fandom being boring in rejecting m/f (sorry not sorry, no hate from this bi girl, but nothing will surpass the Satan and Lilith dynamic), or, is it because the ship is so underdeveloped.

We see Adriel "tempt" Lilith, I talk about it here. I'ts great, I loved it.

Then, there's the final battle. We see them be an evil villain power couple together.

We even see Lilith be soft towards Adriel for a moment.

But, that's it. She turns on him, without us even understanding why. It wasn't because he's evil and crazy, she knew he was evil and crazy. Also, I refuse to believe she woke from his spell, I refuse to believe she was under a spell at all. He offered her what the OCS couldn't (and by that, I don't mean his rod). That's why she chose him. Maybe Reya played with her head, I don't know, but that would be insulting to her arc.

There's a gaping chasm between Lilith turning to Adriel, and the final battle. What were they doing during their time together? Drinking brandy and scheming? Performing blood rituals? Going on dates? What did they talk about, how did they bond (more)? It would have been great, to see the situation from their angle, at least a bit. To find out what they're thinking. Lorena and William portrayed great chemistry, why not use it? Also, their interactions could've revealed more about the Other side to us.

Warrior Nun did a lot of things brilliantly. Adriel is a wonderful villain, he's one of my favorite characters in the world. But, his dynamic with Lilith was left barebones. They both deserved more screentime in general, it's such a shame the season was shorter. Some things seem rushed because of it. I would've loved to see Lilidriel fleshed out more.

Also, I'm still bitter the creators screwed with the Satan and Lilith pairing by having her ditch him. You don't sUbVeRt that pair. I forgive a lot in the name of an author's license, I don't forgive that. At least she went away on her own path.

[ludinusdaleth]

hey, i'm new to cr fandom and wasn't there when c2 was airing, may i ask out of curiosity what was the fandom's problem with its ending?

i want to start by saying this post is meant as a personal memory and not an incitement of any discourse. i do not want a lot of asks or replies or anything about this if i can help it. i would also politely ask that no one reblog this as i really just. dont want attention about this when ive discussed it to death on twitter. i also apologize for not having screenshots but i truly cannot bring myself to wade through that again. it was bad enough i still have nightmares about it.

basically, about 3 eps before c2's end, matt clarified on twitter the campaign was coming to a close, and that. did not go well. you see, folk (myself included, though i wasnt part of the following clown show) were very sure c2 would continue a while. it felt unfinished as the empire/trent had to be taken down, and for some of us ludinus was clearly the big bad, etc. so this was incredibly jarring to a lot of folk. and with that came anger. a lot of critique came down to fear of things being rushed, a lack of closure, claims of extreme neoliberialism due to not taking down the empire (i could write an essay on and cite multiple leftist activists who have stated c2 is truthful to the activist tale, not neoliberalism, and also how c3 deconstructs beau & caleb's actions, but everyone is allowed to have their own opinion on it), and that if shadowgast did not fuck in this short timespan the fans were going to kill liam & matt. and threats of killing were the least of what ensued. im just gonna put a tw here for discussion of extreme harrassment and even threat of necrophilia/rape:

people were. atrocious. beyond atrocious. know why 4sd/a lot of q&a events of theirs for a while had no fan questions? partially bc fans were frankly terrible at asking non-ship questions on talks machina, but mainly because folk FILLED their inboxes with insults (and a twitter account was made of screenshots bragging about it) that only the crew would get to filter out, not the cast. know why dani was terrified to show her face on 4sd for a bit? c2 fans would not let up on how it was her cishet fault fjorjester happened. people thought the solution to alleged neoliberalism was to therefore @ travis saying they would defile his veteran fathers corpse. if there was any solid discussion critiquing c2 happening, it was so drowned that actors who had nothing to do with the show told cr fans to stay away if that was how they treated their favorite creators wanting a break. it really didnt help that a certain disgraced talks machina host was firing potshots on twitter when the cast seemed to be just trying to take it all in, so more discourse was kicked up from him. in general besides all of that, you had the average death & even a few rape threats you would expect from the pits of fan entitlement. the way they were hardly the most notable of the insults hurled their way still rattles the mind. and thats just what i saw. my friends have claimed to have seen worse, but if we can help it we dont discuss it in detail, it's that bad. like i said, any idea of an actual conversation about c2 and how someone felt about it from an analysis perspective was not even a drop in the bucket; there was no actual discourse but rather spitting hatred pouring over that mistook personal grievances for excuses to mistreat quite literally anyone around them who didnt agree that threatening to defile someone was funny bittersweet revenge.

the thing is, after the c2 finale happened? i mean, a lot of folk didnt originally like it (i think it's generally pretty well liked now, and i enjoy it), but it wrapped up a lot of issues pretty well. all that terror & terrorizing over a fictional story was really for nothing. and even if it had ended undebateably badly did anything warrant that fallout?

there are of course a few other factors that seperate cast from fandom now. laura also got innumerable threats from tlou fans for playing some antagonist character, twitter is a dysfunctional shithole, and it's just rational the more popular you get to not be buddy-buddy with fans. but that was. a Time, for sure. c3 is a decent campaign but im far from the first person to note that many of its traits are set in trying to find vox machina's fixed story beats so no story beat is left "unturned" and being as un-m9-like as possible, even when they love the m9. a lot of the worst m9 fans now who harrass other campaign enjoyers and lament c2 being "an unloved middle child" are folk who never left the bitterness they held in that time. for as much discourse as c3 has kicked up i really dont think any of it compares to the sheer scale of what happened late may 2021, and im hoping with all my heart it never does reach that level ever again (i think c3 has a slightly smaller (at least online) fanbase compared to c2, and isnt marked by a pandemic hiatus, so hopefully that means something).

i hope i answered your question. i really hate remembering this time but sometimes i think it should be remembered so folk know what the cost of extreme parasociality is. the distance the cast has from fans now is not only earned but maybe should have always been there, so things never evolved to that extremity. but now it's done and gone. i envy people who watch cr on their own merits and didn't get sucked into twitter at the time; it has been fascinating watching folk say they love the travelercon/aeor arcs and the ending. rewatching later c2 really emphasizes how many complaints hinged on extremely online & parasocial headspaces - you definitely wont hear anyone nowadays say liam is a biphobic cishet abusing matt by not making caleb kiss essek yet. i hope new fans have a better time than we did. oh - and get off twitter.

[spacelessbian]

So CAOS Part 4 was a mess

SPOILERS FOR EVERYTHING

I used this exact same title for Part 3 but it seemed very fitting for Part 4 as well. I just want to preface this by saying I didn’t expect anything before watching (well, I expected it to be bad, which gave the show a chance to surprise me), I just hoped that my friends shipping Zelda and Marie would get some sweet sapphic content and well... Let’s get to it. 

I must say Part 4 was not as nonsensical as Part 3 and I must give credit where credit is due. It also returned to the monster-of-the-week format which I love. The Eldritch Terrors were a good concept with mostly fine execution (although the Terrors could have been a little more diverse... Would it kill the writers to give one more of them a female voice? And on that nore, why not hire Janet from the Good Place to voice the Void? They missed out on that so bad!). Other things I liked, in no particular order:

Vinegar Tom coming back to life and Zelda being truly happy for once

giving Agatha her sanity back

Prudence and chainsaw, ‘nough said

Lilith finally murdering her abuser the way she and we as the viewers deserved

the OG aunties and their whole episode

Ambrose, the light of my life, and all the adult cast (except for Lucifer, what the hell was that)

Unfortunately these are mostly minor positives and I don’t have the capacity to cover everything bad with Part 4, so I’ll just stick to what I started at the beginning of the post – Mambo Marie and the wlw representation in the show. Prepare for long-ish post.

It was weird from the start. We got a cute scene in the first episode (with horrible lighting I must say, I immediately felt sorry for y’all who make gifs) but then Zelda and Marie barely interacted. Yes, they were often standing next to each other, but I don’t think they had a single meaningful interaction since. I don’t think they even touched, let alone acted romantically towards each other. Marie was also extremely shady the whole time, she was constantly acting on her own (only after the fact was it acknowledged that the rest of the coven knew, but to me it just looked weird), that I really thought I was right with my joke prediction of her being the surprise villain. Turns out she’s a surprise man and the villain is Roberto, the showrunner! 

From the start of the show it must have been obvious to Roberto and the rest of the creative team that a large number of fans wanted to see some lesbians (specifically Zelda and Lilith getting together). Obviously the creators do not have do anything the fans want, but giving us a canonical sapphic relationship and then being like “syke! fooled you, there were no lesbians actually. no homo uwu” just seems extremely ignorant at best and malevolent at worst. Plus the fact that in the alternate “perversed” universe, Zelda was called Madam Spellman. Who does that??? WTF. 

I must also mention that the reveal, that comes out of nowhere and leads to nothing, means that Zelda’s two consecutive partners didn’t care about informed consent. Big yikes. Of course none of this was acknowledged in universe, so thanks for that, Roberto, thank you very much.

And now to minor grievances:

Theo and his boyfriend, whose name I don’t remember, go through unnecessary conflict that just takes up time and space

it almost looked like the Blackwood twins will become real people with their own thoughts and actions, but no

the afterlife doesn’t make sense, also the glorification of suicide

people constantly bring up the color of Sabrina’s headband like if anyone cared about that to notice (I expected some twist with Sabrinas changing places and the reveal being the headband, but no)

you turned an octopus into a... diving equipment???

Sabrina and her huge crisis that she doesn’t have a boyfriend for 5 minutes (so she has to make out with more than one Eldritch Terrors)

Roberto not being capable of letting babies exist after their extremely traumatic prolonged birth scenes (yes, I’m coming back to Part 1, too, what about it)

Aaaand I think I’m ready to breathe again. I’m happy the show’s over, not because I’m an evil hater (I am definitely evil though) but because it had (and still has) so much potential, but it is obvious the writers can’t write for shit. The cast is amazing and I love almost every single one of them, their kind interactions with fans were really a joy to watch (that cannot be said for some fans but what can you do). I hope I will have the opportunity to meet some of them when the ‘rona is finally over. I also met a lot of lovely people through CAOS and I am eternally grateful.

If you’re still reading, you’re a star ♥. This was a wild ride.

(Please note I will not respond to any aggresive or nasty comments but I’m eager to read any of your hot takes or polite disagreements.)

[popurikat]

Trying to make sense of parts of Future (Mystery Skulls)

Since my last analysis went so well I thought I’d make this post as well, especially because Future really did confuse me and I know others might be lost as well; so lets discuss this together! It will be lengthy as I am basically spewing my thoughts out right on the videos immediate release date (there will be a read more option after my first thought to avoid long positng). Well first things first, I wanna address that I've been curious about what kind of spirit Arthur's arm could be (since I am not too well acquainted with any canon on its background part at least) and I think I have concluded that the closest thing to it could be is a Tenome; which is a Yochai that possesses a man's body and moves the eyes to the palms. "found lurking in cemeteries, hands outstretched, as if he has only recently lost his vision and is searching for something. Get close enough, and you’ll find out in quick succession that a) he’s not blind, but looking with eyes embedded in his hands, and b) what he’s looking for is a snack." (fyi, most of my mythos information is coming from Wiki just as a heads up)

And sure enough he found a great source for his hunger. Something he has been EYEING since the start. Which now leads me to my next points on the video...

At first watch I was convinced that each strand found on Mystery’s heart represented a singular soul bond, I thought that blue was for Vivi, Green was for the hand, pink for Lewis, purple for Shiro, Yellow for Lance, Orange for Arthur, and black and white were unknown. Which, didn’t settle right for me. SO I went in and re-watched the clip a couple more times and saw this:

Vivi’s (blue created after she got hurt) and Shiro’s (white created after she died) strands were connected to the strands located next to them. A start and an end. Mystery’s promise to Vivi to stay at her side for generations as he was spared upon prior defeat of Mushi. And then of course we have the promise of power and sustenance for Shrio as they held a symbiotic relationship for most of their lives that was only severed due to an interference. These double strands of fate are especially clearer in the scene with Shiro in Future. As the black strand gets clearer the more she gets injured or emotionally hurt, it eventually leads to the leak of the white strand on her death. Meaning; Black/white=Shiro; Purple/Pink=Lewis; Blue/Green: Vivi; and Orange/Yellow: Arthur. And why am I inclined to believe Lewis and Arthur are apart of Mystery’s heart? Well that's because those two were the only ones fully streaming before Vivi’s and Shiro’s appeared. We know that Arthur lost an arm to Mystery and discovered his identity (ergo losing most of his trust in him) insinuating both strands to arise early on of his color scheme, as well as with Lewis’ death occurring under the protection of Mystery when they were grouped and having his soul go restless/ in pain. It wouldn’t make sense to add family members or side characters not included in the mainline story to this grouping unless they would play an important role in the finale, which isn’t likely since we have only one more video left as Ben stated it was going to be a 5 video series. I am also inclined to believe each person has two strands because of Kitsune lore: “ Kitsune keep their promises and strive to repay any favor. Occasionally a kitsune attaches itself to a person or household. They follow their word of honor. They become self-destructive if they break a promise, and when someone else breaks a promise, they become deadly enemies.” Plus, It would make sense as to why in this short battle Mystery sprouted his last 3 tails when it came to Vivi and Shiro and how their connections affect his power. (more on this in a bit) But, furthermore; if anyone else notices, the Band-Aids on the heart are also remotely located on the sections of Vivi’s and Shiro’s strands specifically because for both, Mystery has vowed to protect them and has failed. 

Now then lets talk about a few things on Mystery’s ultimate form shall we? The final form of a Kitsune, its celestial form as shown here is called a Tenko. (yes I am aware of the Kumiho, but that is a fully evil, flesh eating, 9 tailed fox that specialize in illusions and well Mystery has never been portrayed as human). The Tenko makes even more sense when taken into consideration that Mystery’s third eye (typically a form of wisdom connected to overpowering the mortality of ones self) opens. So how was this done in such a short amount of time? “Kitsune do not accept aid from those who are not willing. they do not ask for help, and as such, most aid must come from another's initiative. Kitsune are emotional and very vengeful. Kitsune will lose their temper at the slightest provocation. Once someone has earned a kitsune's enmity, the kitsune will begin enacting revenge that can become quite extreme. On the other hand, those who have earned a kitsune's trust and loyalty will see a friendship that can last through many trials. Freedom is very important to the kitsune. They do not accept being forced into something they do not wish, and do not like being bound or trapped. Doing so weakens the kitsune.” Mystery as we know is very much controlled by his emotions, going head first into things constantly based on reaction and his inability to control his power under distress. His tails arose in the fight sequence every time he fulfilled his oath AND used 100% of his form/power. Therefore, his tails grew because he wasn’t holding back anymore, not his grievances, not his appearance, nor his hesitance in his evident distress of being bound to two entities that both required his aid.  My last note on these images comes from a tumblr user’s reverse audio clipping (https://nebulous-rain.tumblr.com/post/633555549749952512/ok-so-yknow-that-one-reversed-part-of-future). The rewind of the clip of Mystery’s transformation plays “When I’m With You”, which yes, cool a possible Easter egg to the next song! BUT what is this song about? Let me just bring up the first line of the song: “You got me hanging by a THREAD...I wish I could turn back time...I wish I could rewind life...” and before the chorus “I’m gonna make it right”. We know that this can refer to rectifying the wrongs of Lewis’ death, but more accurately to do so we need to defeat the evil inside this mutt that is pulling the strings of this whole fiasco. And this might just be the intro portion of the next mystery skulls mind you as we’ve also gotten many false starts with the previous two videos where hellbent used “every note” and future used “enemies” alongside the main song. BUT WE HAVE TWO YEARS ANYWAY, WHY BABBLE ON ABOUT THIS. LETS MOVE ON!

Hearts in this series have not been just for identifying the dead or for aesthetic purposes, they are the life force of each powerful legend. I am actually surprised to see Shiro have a heart as she started off as a creation from Mystery and therefore her lifeforce is just his blood and without it she is nothing. I am curious about her color pallet though, her heart is purple and pink. Lewis’ is gold/yellow with touches of orange. And Mystery’s is just red, but it has a mix of everyone’s essence within it to keep it tied and whole. Shiro’s could be colored this way in reference to Lewis’ aid to help find her creator; which would explain why Mystery surrounds himself by color as he required outside help and how Lewis’ heart is yellow in reference to how recently Arthur helped him remember his friends/hidden memories. One thing we have learned about hearts is that they can be broken repeatedly and can be ripped apart from the body, but they can be repaired too through resolution/hope. Lewis restored his heart in hellbent by using Vivi’s flower petals and finding hope that he will get revenge, only for his heart to be repaired again through Arthur’s touch. Shiro may have withered away, but her heart is essentially not broken, she’d need Mystery to restore it as it was flung into space (and that again relies on Mystery finding his sanity and finding it in himself to even bring her back). And as for Mystery himself, he’s gonna need the whole gang to reach out to him to extract the parasite within and restore balance. I really want to know more about the heart properties and how they give their users their powers as well Vivi is able to summon her strength through a material connection (bat) that function in its own way as the vessel a heart does since its connecting her to her ancestry.

NOW to finalize, I offer you two queries:

WHO IS ARTHURS HAND REACHING FOR!? I know it seems like Mystery, but that would be counter productive for the hand demon if he has Arthur interfering with his control. Is it still after Lewis as we’ve seen previous times where his arm acts up only in Lewis’ presence and when specifically other “magic” is at play? If so, is the goal to ward off Lewis and Vivi from defeating Mystery? Is Arthur gonna use the arm to find his own power as we’ve seen when he is able to momentarily cease control of it he kinda ruins anything electrical he touches and well, electricity is currently running rampant in there.

and lastly, I am really curious how touch sensitive hearts are, We know that even the smallest of brushes can detect memory/links to the person holding it (as seen with how Shiro managed to get soul flowers in hellbent), but the fact that Lewis was so in touch with the feeling of Arthur EVEN THOUGH ARTHUR GRABBED HIS HEART THROUGH HIS METAL HAND MIND YOU!, that he still managed to feel the disturbance instantly. So my question is, is the touch sensitivity reliant on how close someone is to someone? I would like to say yes cause when Shiro touched his heart he didn’t react instantly, he felt her rummaging his memories and was awoken, but he didn’t kick her butt by fully reforming until after she had long since stepped on his heart and then forced the memory of Mystery to arise. But yeah, its a nice little detail.

Either way, thanks for reading! Feel free to add on, comment, or even dm me about more Mystery Skulls information and theories! Love to hear them!

[thisislizheather]

The Witches Are Coming by Lindy West - A Review

I’ve been waiting for this book of essays to come out for months and it was so, so worth the the wait. I know it’s asking a lot, but can this woman please just write a book every year? Or every six months? That’d be great, thanks. Favourite parts ahead!

“This moment in history is about more than individual interactions between individual people. Those matter, too - it matters how you made your subordinate feel with that comment, and it matters quite a lot that the woman on the bus went home and sobbed after you groped her - but, as Rebecca Traister wrote in December 2017 on The Cut: “This moment isn’t just about sex. It’s about work.” It’s about who feels at home in the workplace and who feels like an outsider - which, by extension, dictates who gets to thrive and ascend, who gets to hire their replacements, who gets to set their children up for success, who gets credit and glory, and who gets forgotten. It’s about who feels safe in public spaces and who doesn’t. Which is to say, it’s about everything.”

“We gobble up cable news’ insistence that both sides of an argument are equally valid and South Park’s insistence that both sides are equally stupid, because taking a firm stance on anything opens us up to criticism.”

“We kept letting Adam Sandler make more movies after Little Nicky, because white men are allowed to fail spectacularly and keep their jobs.”

There’s literally an entire chapter on Adam Sandler movies that is perfection. You have to read it. Seriously, just pick this up at a bookstore and read that one chapter, if nothing else.

I loved all of her points about how there was endless discussion about The Ted Bundy Tapes when it came out earlier this year and how we debated whether this murdering monster was handsome or not. And how that same type of debate is somehow in the same arena as when people debate whether Elizabeth Warren is “likable” or not.

There’s a part in the Ted Bundy special where the judge sympathizes with Bundy and goes on a ridiculous tangent about how it’s “such a shame” that he turned out that way when he had so much potential, it’s truly disgusting to see a judge commiserate with a rapist and murderer, but it happened and it’s wild to see. “That anecdote is often held up as evidence of Bundy’s charisma - even the judge sentencing him to death was seduced by that smirk, that finger wave. But it is the most blatant, overwhelming evidence we have for the opposite. Men don’t need charisma to succeed. It doesn’t matter if men are likable, because men are people who do things, who don’t have to ask first, whose potential has value even after it is squandered.”

“Chasing likability has been one of women’s biggest setbacks, by design. I don’t know that rejecting likability will get us anywhere, but I know that embracing it has gotten us nowhere.”

Absolutely in love with the fact that she loves the movie Clue as much as I do.

I really liked the chapter that she discussed Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP, even if I did wish that she went in on her/the brand harder.

So in love with the chapter where she talks about South Park and its creators. I’ve always hated that show, it’s never been good, and I can’t understand who the hell would be into it. It’s never been funny, edgy, smart. Insane that it’s still on.

Maybe I’m really reading into it, but there’s a tiny part where she mentions that PETA sucks and I can’t stop all my little inside screams - it’s hard to find somewhere who dislikes all the same stuff as you.

“Men think that misogyny is a women’s issue; women’s to endure and women’s to fix. White people think that racism is a pet issue for people of color; not like the pure, economic grievances of the white working class. Rape is a rape victim’s problem: What was she wearing? Where was she walking? Had she had sex before?“

“Whenever talk turned toward solutions, the panel came back to mentorship: women lifting up other women. Assertiveness and leaning in and ironclad portfolios and marching into that interview and taking the space you deserve and changing the ratio and not letting Steve from accounting talk over you in the morning. During the closing question-and-answer period, a young woman stood up. “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice electric with anger, “but all I’ve heard tonight are a bunch of things women can do to fight sexism. Why is that our job? We didn’t build the system. This audience should be full of men.”

“Sexism is a male invention. White supremacy is a white invention. Transphobia is a cisgender invention. So far, men have treated #MeToo like a bumbling dad in a detergent commercial: well intentioned by floundering, as though they are not the experts. You are the experts. Only 2.6 percent of construction workers are female. We did not install that glass ceiling, and it is not our responsibility to demolish it.”

When talking about what men can actually do to help women: ”“Do you ever stick up for me?” sounds childish, but I don’t know that gussying up the sentiment in more sophisticated language would enhance its meaning. It isn’t fun to be the one who speaks up. Our society has engineered robust consequences for squeaky wheels, a verdant pantheon from eye rolls all the way up to physical violence. One of the subtlest and most pervasive is social ostracism: coding empathy as the fun killer, consideration for others as an embarrassing weakness, and dissenting voices as out-of-touch, bleeding-heart dweebs (at best). Coolness is a fierce disciplinarian. A result is that, for the most part, the only people weathering those consequences are the ones who don’t have the luxury of staying quiet. Women, already impeded and imperiled by sexism, also have to carry the social stigma of being feminist buzzkills if they call attention to it. People of color not only have to deal with racism; they also have to deal with white people labeling them “angry” or “hostile” or “difficult” for objecting. What we could use is some loud, unequivocal backup.”

“I know there’s pressure not to be a dorky, try-hard male feminist stereotype; there’s always a looming implication that you could lose your spot in the boys’ club; if you seem too opportunistic or performative in your support, if you suck up too much oxygen and demand praise, women will yell at you for that, too. But I need you to absorb that risk. I need you to get yelled at and made fun of, a lot, and if you get kicked out of the club, I need you to be relieved, and I need you to help build a new one.”

The entire chapter about the complications with Joan Rivers is such a great one.

“You can hate someone and love them at the same time. Maybe that’s a natural side effect of searching for heroes in a world not built for you.”

Okay, so the only thing that we strongly disagree on is her previous love for Adam Carolla. Always hated that man.

““Common sense’” without growth, curiosity, or perspective eventually becomes conservatism and bitterness.”

“There are pieces of pop culture that you outgrow because you get older. Then there are pieces of pop culture that you outgrow because you get better.”

“Art has no obligation to evolve, but it has a powerful incentive to do so. Art that is static, that captures a dead moment, is nothing. It is, at best, nostalgia; at worst, it can be a blight on our sense of who we are, a shame we pack away. Artists who refuse to listen, participate, and change along with the world around them are not being silenced or punished by censorious college sophomores. They are letting obsolescence devour them, voluntarily. Political correctness is just the inexorable turn of the gear. Falling behind is preventable.”

Talking about Ricky Gervais:” “People see something they don’t like, and they expect it to stop,” he said. “The world is getting worse. Don’t get me wrong, I think I lived through the best fifty years of humanity, 1960 through 2015, the peak of civilization for everything. For tolerances, for freedoms, for communication, for medicine! And now it’s going the other way a little bit.” “Dumpster fire” has emerged as the favorite emblem of our present sociopolitical moment, but that Gervais quote feels more apt and more tragic as a metaphor: the Trump/Brexit era is a rich, famous, white, middle-aged man declaring the world to be in decline the moment he stops understanding it.”

“Adam Carolla isn’t angry because he’s being silenced; he’s angry because he’s being challenged. He’s been shown the road map to continued relevance, and it doesn’t lead back to his mansion. He’s angry because he’s being asked to do the basic work of maintaining a shared humanity or else be left behind. He’s choosing the past. Gervais and Carolla are not alone in presenting themselves as noble bulwarks against a wave of supposed leftwing censorship. (A Netflix special, for the record, is not what “silencing” looks like.)”

Talking Louis CK: “Less than a year after his vow to retreat and listen, CK made the laziest and most cowardly choice possible: to turn away from the difficult, necessary work of self-reflection, growth, and reparation, and run into the comforting arms of people who don’t think it’s that big a deal to show your penis to female subordinates. Conservatives adore a disgraced liberal who’s willing to pander to them because he’s too weak to grow. How pathetic to take them up on it.”

“Like every other feminist with a public platform, I am perpetually cast as a disapproving scold. But what’s the alternative? To approve? I do not approve.” - This is probably my most favourite line in the entire book

“Not only are women expected to weather sexual violence, intimate partner violence, workplace discrimination, institutional subordination, the expectation of free domestic labor, invisible cuts that undermine us daily, we are not even allowed to be angry about it.”

“I’d been taught that when ordinary people try to do activism, they look stupid. Of course now I know that there is no effective activism without the passion and commitment of ordinary people and it is a basic duty of the privileged to show up and fight for issues that don’t affect us directly. But maintaining that separation has served the status quo well. It keeps good people always just shy of taking action. It’s tone policing. It’s the white moderate. But it’s changing.”

“Diet culture is a coercive, misogynist pyramid scheme that saps women’s economic and political power.”

Definitely the best thing I’ve read all year. GO BUY!

[pickyperkypenguin]

Recently I remembered that Mabel podcast exists. As I had an upcoming journey, it seemed like a perfect occasion to renew my interest in it, and to get to know how the story of Anna Limon and Mabel unfolds.

(Disclaimer: I am writing all this after listening to twenty five episodes. I don’t exclude the possibility that I’d change my mind, had I listened to more, but for now this is what I think. Also, I had no idea I’ve had so much to say about Mabel podcast, so the length of this text is a surprise both for you and for me. tl;dr: I love the idea of this story, execution could be better.)

What I realised after listening to a couple of episodes after a long break (and the natural break in the narrative, at which point I initially finished), was that it’s, like, Really Bad. But, you know, sort of in a good way.

The general premise is something that a person ( I, the person. When I say we or a person I mean I, but it’s too late to care about my phrasing now) wishes badly to exist. Who doesn’t want a queered fairy tale, dramatic and tragic lesbian romance, the kind that somehow feels like in every single scene the heroes (heroines, in this case) are standing over the edge of a cliff, their ripped white shirts barely covering their chests, their bodies shivering from the wind, and somebody is about to kill or kiss the other person. You know, the romantic as in the historical period kind. Everything over the top, but better, because it’s not subtextually, but screamingly textually queer.

And it works at certain points, really – the queerness of the heroines queers the structure of the story, it plays on the archetypes and sort of fulfils the desire to appropriate them for the queer self for once. It’s a pleasant feeling.

The descriptions are flowy and opulent, the romance goes how certain type of straight romances would go – assuming that the listener will assume the same stuff about a queer couple, as about heterosexual one. And it provides the portrait of an unhinged, feral, burning and at times tender  love I see so rarely in queer narratives, because it often would be considered “problematic” (again, it would not, was it a straight romance, but we do tend to have higher expectations for queer romances) or simply botched (it often is in straight romances). It’s the love that’s not really supposed to be nice, and that’s based on imagining and idealisation of the other person more than the reality of the connection (and it goes both ways, as we see after finally getting Mabel’s POV). It is indeed for the most of time disconnected, here by literally a wall between the worlds, but not as the finishing scene, but by the duration. The sun and moon type of romance (and the podcast seems self-aware of all that, I think the creators are delighting in the fact that they can construct it like this).

And I think that till a certain point it all sort of works out more or less, minus the details I’ll be complaining about. When it comes to the luscious descriptions creating the atmosphere of a fairy tale in vivid detail, they are really over the top, bordering on purple prose (or sometimes just plunging right into it). The repetitions and flowery adjectives have their own charm and work in small amounts. I thought – maybe it was not made for binge listening? But no, on the other hand the structure of plot is slow to unfold and convoluted enough, that were I listening to it week-by-week, I’d get nothing from it, really, and would probably be discouraged by the fact that it’s not as much that I don’t understand anything, but I can’t see the larger plot that’s supposed to be unfolding. It’s a mystery-based podcast at first, and I would probably forget what would be considered as base-level unusual in-world, and it would not make an effective impression on me with the increase of oddity.

Another explanation of the purple language – maybe it’s Anna Limon’s character? Maybe she is that kind of girl – after all, for what we know she might as well be going crazy in an old lady’s house, fixating on mysteries and family history that’s not hers for the lack of anything to do? The voicemail “letters” (for a lack of better word, but it has that feel of XIXth century love letters, you know) charm at first. Well, at least me. (Same went with Alice Isn’t Dead, with the main character constantly addressing her wife that she misses – that was I think the first time I encountered a wlw affection showed like this, and I liked the idea very much).

Unfortunately, the formula starts breaking when the first arc of the story ends, and we get to know Mabel’s point of view and Mabel’s character. Here the similarities of that language start grating: Mabel is a not-really-a-girl-what-does-human-mean-at-this-point who has been isolated for a long time in the Kingdom Under the Hill, where concepts work in a slightly different way than in the real world, and she could be this over the top just from the isolation and existing for a long time among this non-euclidean post-death plant-gymnastics.

Both Anna and Mabel could have their own reasons to be speaking like this (speaking! That also changes the feeling of it, it read distinctively different in text form). But when those reasons are so different from one another, and yet the language stays about the same, it’s just obvious that it’s the writing of the show, and unfortunately, as I said, in larger quantities, in it not being a distinctive characteristic but how the script is written, and also because it’s all spoken, it starts charming and ends up jarring. It’s becomes too over the top, if I can say it like that, and it doesn’t work as it should, also because – and here we come with another thing – it takes itself so. damn. seriously.

The Mabel podcast does not joke, but it contains a lot of unhinged, wild and hysterical laughing, giggling and sobbing. Maybe it’s the fault of the voice acting (and sorry if it’s rude, but I’m afraid I think the voice acting is really not good overall), but at a point it just started getting on my nerves. The show never stops to give itself a breather, but rides the high C all the time, and there is no rest. That cheapens, I’m afraid, the moments that are supposed to be impactful and end up less so, because they have no chance of shining brighter than the others, as everything tries to shine at once.

I also think that the voice acting itself is annoying me more than it should. I don’t really find the cadence of the voices pleasant – especially Mabel, who is unfinishing her sentences a lot but in a way that sounds artificial. It’s like amateur actors who know they are supposed to not finish a sentence, because it has been written in the script that another character will interrupt them. So, they go off from their way to facilitate that, and there is the minuscule but noticeable pause that just sounds stupid for the spectator. It’s even worse when there is no other character to interrupt, just one person abandoning a sentence – but they have long ago known they will abandon it in the first place, oh my god, it doesn’t make sense. Sorry, I think I really didn’t like Mabel’s way of talking.

I mean, at first it was sort of incredible – I remember the impact it made on me when I finally heard Mabel’s voice! And she was so angry! She was angry at Anna for switching places without asking her if she even wants that, and she didn’t fit in the real world acutely, and she has had a lot of pretensions and grievances. She was yelling a lot and hitting things. It was awesome. And then, sadly, it all lost the impact, because I then started noticing everything that I listed above and all this became just a baseline communication for her, and nothing had the time to reverberate. Her appearance was the best and the worst that could happen, because it could be executed so well, but instead has basically destroyed the formula of the show that seduced me in the first place.

And the formula was this – one sided relation from events we don’t know if they are actually happening, or if it’s a portrait of a person losing herself and going insane. The distortions instead of voices when the worlds were colliding and the other world and its inhabitants were communicating was absolutely selling that ambiguity. It was providing a certain foundation to Anna’s self-doubt if she isn’t going insane, and at the same time giving us the structure of the narrative that we’re familiar with, because we’ve been (I was, in Central Eastern Europe) raised on it. It was (and is, I stand by it) an amazing choice for showing an encounter with the Other, with strangeness that the modern world (and its recording devices) is not equipped to handle, and the heroes are barely able to as well. I do believe the only way to scare us at all in the XXI century and the time of incredibly realistic special effects is to leave us guessing, because only then we’ll be able to scare ourselves. The theatricality will work out where the gore fails, and here it worked spectacularly. I still don’t know who exactly was speaking in which moments, if the house was speaking at all, if it was maybe Luna Thorn or the King. Who the fuck knows, and what a delight it is.

But the story started to fall apart, as I said, when we finally had both girls actually talking to each other, and then them speaking of the other as if she was not theoretically right next to her. In the exact manner as when they were apart, divided by the veil between the real world and the fairy kingdom. The distance disappeared, we got both points of view, and that should be the moment of losing the gravity, and I think it would kind of saved the show. Unfortunately, I say as a mantra here, even though the attempts were made – bravo for Anna, expressing her desire for Mabel to just fucking talk to her like a normal person and to co-exist, be in the same spacetime. To which we got a counterargument that oh, of bloody course Anna wants normalcy because that’s her fetish, and Mabel is not normal because she’s barely human and did even Anna love her all this time, can she love her after confronting that otherness of Mabel? Aaand there it went. I mean, it does make narrative sense a lot, but it also prevents from riding out the narrative high C, and so we are still listening to an equivalent of ten hour version of the last phrase from the Phantom of the Opera theme song.

The romance starts showing its imperfections, and normally it would be good, because it would lead us to the protagonists deepening the connection, going from the abstract, ideative one, to one forged in the fire of just being in near proximity, and in situations where they are supposed to work out compromises to rely on each other, instead of making decisions for the other and expecting gratitude. At the point which I listened to last, they confronted that issue, but didn’t seem like it was going anywhere (yet?). Which leads me to a point, that I will probably listen to at least a couple more episodes, both because I sort of want to give it a chance and to know how it will unfold, and also because I have another upcoming journey and what you expect me to be doing on a train?

Yeah, that’s about that. Gods, what the hell, I had no idea I would write this much. There might be several grammatical mistakes in this meta, because I am not a native speaker and there is no way I am going to go over 2k of words that nobody may even read, and I should seriously be going back to what I should be doing instead of this. Though I admit, right now I will try to go to the gym, because I am highly caffeinated (have you noticed???) and I, like, cannot really do caffeine. At all. Why did I do that? Oh yeah, I had to because I was working on some stuff before. Oh gods, how will I even fall asleep today.

[oreramar]

Crafting Magic Items in D&D 5e

Okay there’s really not much point to this ramble/rant, but I need to lay all of this out, because I’m mildly annoyed - not enough to be actually frustrated, but enough I need to air my grievances with the rulebook even to an uncaring void.

I was looking through the Dungeon Master’s Guide for D&D 5e and saw some of the potential downtime activities for party members - things to do if you give your party a few days, a week, a month off of campaign matters and battles to do their own things. One activity was Crafting Magic Items, and so of course I thought that looked nifty and took a closer look.

At the base, it’s pretty reasonable. Each rarity tier has a minimum level requirement plus a cost in gold, and the cost jumps exponentially as it goes up the tiers. Makes some sense, you can’t expect a very rare item to be as easy to make as one that’s merely uncommon, even if the cost gets kind of ridiculous by the end (500,000 gold cost to make a legendary item - granted, by the time you’re level 17-20, you’ve probably raided more than one dragon’s hoard, but that’s still a lot).

But then there are rules for how long it takes to craft as well.

See, you can only work on the item in 25 gold increments, one increment per 8 hour workday. So to make a Common level item, you need to be of third level or higher and to set aside four workdays - just a little less than a full 40 hour workweek - and 100 gold. Uncommon items require 500 gold and about 20 workdays, also for a third level character - so if your character takes weekends off to rest and recharge, that’s about a month of downtime.

Not bad, right? You could absolutely have your player character pick up magic item crafting as their downtime hobby!

Only if you plan to stop there, really.

The next tier is Rare: 5k gold, 6th level requirement, and 200 workdays. That’s seven thirty-day months practically without any breaks. Weekends off? I don’t have an exact calculation but my gut says that might push it closer to eight months, maybe nine if the character occasionally takes a little more than just two days a week to recharge a bit. It’s doable if your campaign does a one-year timeskip sometime after you hit level 6, but you still have to have the gold for it and you’re dedicating most of that character’s time to doing this.

Then there’s Very Rare and Legendary, and at that point...well, frankly, why even bother with the pretense that a character could conceivably do this as “downtime?” Once you get to those levels you’ve got a full-time, long-term job, because Very rare costs 50k gold, requires level 11 or higher, and takes 2k workdays, or 5.5 years practically without any breaks - probably something like seven years if the character takes weekends off and nothing else. As for Legendary...500k gold, level 17 or higher, 20k workdays - 55 years without breaks, more like 70 or more with weekends. 

That’s...that’s not downtime. That’s not campaign activities. That’s when the final evil has been defeated and sealed away, everybody’s already level 20, each character has insanely vast riches, and in post-campaign wrap-up you say that, yeah, your mage is going to settle down and devote bloody decades and most of their wealth to making the most powerful such-and-such in the entire world, so that maybe if your group returns to this world for a campaign two set a century later they might run across it someday. Hell, if you’ve got a human character (or another race of similar aging), a legendary magic item is their entire life, assuming they were in their twenties when the campaign ended.

Seriously, why did the creators of the game not just stop their chart at Rare and put a note in saying that Very Rare and Legendary items can only be made by powerful master craftsmen over long periods of time and are not downtime activities? Sure, lay out the numbers, but don’t give the base impression that a player could *totally* make their own version of the Holy Avenger to bring to the final battle against the Undead Lich Emperor of Darkness. It’s not happening, and they’re better off either hoping one is dropped in the loot or changing their dream entirely.

Just.

It’s disappointing, is what it is, to see something that looks like a cool mechanic for between adventures (and for personalizing the hell out of a party’s gear) only to discover that, in the most practical terms, that mechanic has a hard cut-off before it gets halfway through.

Maybe the intent is for players to band together for the difficult stuff, but even then it’s unfeasible, because every person working on the item has to have the level required, and must participate every day. So if you use the simplified math of dividing time by party (even if it’s technically incorrect for real-world physics, let’s go with it), a party of, say, four would still take 1-2 years for Very Rare. 10-20 for Legendary.

Still not downtime.

I understand that those last two tiers of items aren’t supposed to be easy to run across, so it does make sense to limit their production in some way or other. The thing is, you’ve already got some pretty hard limits in the level requirement and in the sheer gold cost, neither of which would be easily achieved for most NPCs in most worlds.

And, again, I might not have minded this so much if it weren’t for the fact that it was laid out in the book, in a chart, as if it was possible for in-game purposes when it so clearly is not, and is not meant to be.

Edit

AND ANOTHER THING (I just found out)

The downtime activity section tells you that an adventurer who crafts their own magic item(s) can sell them at regular buy price (usually adventurers find, on average, buyers for half the price for things they find or loot, probably because it’s pre-owned). Anyhow, the implication here is that you can make cool stuff for yourself, or you can make cool stuff and make a profit for yourself.

Sounds good, right?

Wrong.

Standard/suggested purchase price ranges for magic items by tier (found in a different section of the rulebook): 

Common: 50-100 gold. Uncommon: 101-500. Rare: 501-5k. Very Rare: 5k-50k. Legendary: 50k and up.

The top - top, not base - suggested price in each category is exactly what it costs an adventurer to make the damn thing. So, if the DM adheres to all the rules and charts as written, if you’re lucky in finding a buyer, you might recoup the gold you spent in making the item, but you won’t get anything more for the time you spent doing so.

How does this economy even work? Is the assumption that adventurers are hobbyists and inefficient with the gold in materials and time spent compared to whoever made the already extant magic items in this world? Does the value of a magic item depreciate that much even during the process of making it? Did someone just throw numbers around without actually thinking them through since it’s not really a necessary game mechanic? Maybe, I suspect.

Yeah, I’d just ignore the crafting rules in the book, or else make my own. By all means, make things difficult to create as they scale in power, but there’s bound to be better ways to do so than just making huge numbers as thresholds. (What’s that? To make a Holy Avenger-esque weapon you need the cooperation of a very powerful celestial being, like a Solar or an out and out God - one which might set you a quest or a test of some sort for instance - but once you have that it doesn’t take years and years and hundreds of thousands of gold to craft? Sounds like an adventure!)

[xocdarb-blog]

6 month: Post 59

DEVELOPMENT BLOG

POST MORTEM

 My 6-month, game project is just about coming to and an end and it is bitter sweet. Therefore I'm about to do a game post mortem. This post is going to be a lot longer than normal. This post mortem will follow the 5-5 method e.g. what were the 5 failures and 5 successes of my game development cycle. First of all, let me say that these 6 months have gone in the blink of an eye for me and yet somehow, for the most part, I usually felt in control. The game was created to run on P.C and is a 3D constructivist take on a gravity golf puzzler called ‘Swing’. This platform was chosen because it is an open and free platform to develop for, it has a wide user base and the fact that it is a P.C game means that I didn’t need to manage memory and or project size. Meaning this made the platform suitable for my first solo game. Before we start I do want to talk about a few things that I've learned.

 LESSONS

 DEVELOPING A GAME BY YOURSELF IS LONELY

Developing a game alone can make you feel isolated and lonely for many reasons. The biggest being that when you have a problem no one is going to solve the problem but you. When you work in a team however, you have the luxury of coming in after a day of banging your head against a problem and someone else has fixed it (This is a rare occurrence). Next, you can miss the comradery of working in a team. Sure, it's great to be able to make a decision at the drop of a hat and not have to justify your position to anyone, but most of the time debate can lead to a better idea then you started with. This is why in my opinion developing a game alone robs a student of learning. When working in a team you learn because you argue and grow your perspective. Working alone did make me learn something, the importance of time management because I had no team I had to stick to a task no matter what. Lastly, if you want to work alone, learn one thing quick "Don’t be afraid to Kill your darling's" this can mean a few things I'm sure but in this context what I mean is sometimes you need to get rid of some of your favourite ideas if they are not working, don’t be precious. Often this is can be because of ideas not being very good but because we see things through rose-tinted glasses we think they are amazing.

 IF YOU CAN’T FIX A PROBLEM AFTER A WHILE, JUST CHANGE WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND THEN COME BACK TO IT

I learned over the course of my game development of "Swing" that if you have a problem. Research it, gather information and then take your best crack at the problem. After this has been done a few times when you are exhausted for options and or solutions, rather than ramming your head against a wall for hours, just do another task specifically a short one that can be done quickly. This does two things for the developer one it triggers a feeling of victory in the developer this can alleviate any feelings of stress or depression that the developer may be feeling. Secondly, it can jog the developer's mind. It may sound silly but sometimes when you figure out the answer to one problem your brain just works on figuring out the solution to another problem in the background without you really thinking about it.

  DEVELOPING ALONE REALLY HELPS YOU TO FIGURE OUT WHAT SPECIALTY YOU REALLY WANT TO DO

This one is really simple if you decide to develop a game alone you are either going to

A) have one job that you enjoyed much more than you did the others.

B) you may discover that having the lack of a specific job can be really disheartening and remove some of your enjoyment from the development of the game. This can tell you a lot about what you enjoy but also why you enjoy it.

 DOING A DEVELOPMENT BLOG IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE IT KEEPS YOU ON TRACK BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, IT HELPS YOU TO VENT VARIOUS FRUSTRATIONS YOU MAY HAVE ALONG THE WAY

The creation of a development blog and keeping it up to date is more important than you know. At the beginning of the development cycle, a dev blog can seem like a pain and even a waste of time. However, you are wrong, throughout this process I have learned the importance of keeping in line, on track and most importantly accountable. It is so important especially when you're working alone to have a diary that you have to write in every day what you did and why. This technique will be especially effective if you have a mindset of not wanting to disappoint yourself, your superiors or your audience and this will aid you in your quest to making a game. Having a dev blog teaches you how to vent your 'work-place' grievances in a safe environment. If you feel as though someone is bullying you then you have a place you can discuss it and this lets you think.  It can also be very helpful to express your technical or design problems to the aether. This is similar in technique to talking to a rubber duck, where you explain your problem to a rubber duck and as you explain it, you figure out the solution. In future, I will try to always keep a dev blog and a physically written production planner simply because it helps me to formulate my thoughts, feelings, ideas and processes at either end of the day when I use my Dev blog or at the beginning of the day I use my production planner.

https://xocdarb.tumblr.com/

 FAILURES

 1) Planning an assignment six months before you start it is a waste of time.

2) Re-name and organize/ delete things early.

3) Don’t be afraid 'Kill your darlings'

4) Go slow and you will only have to do something once.

5) Don't be afraid to redo something that works.

 This is the part of my post mortem that I have to be blunt with myself about my game. The game is 'Fine' and I mean that in both a positive and negative manner. In this paragraph, I will discuss the negative connotations of that statement. When I say this game is fine what I mean is I don't feel it is anything special. I think that it is a fun one-button game that is worth people's time but not their money. This game is in part an art piece it’s a living breathing gallery.

The mechanics of this game are fun but rather simplistic for the simple reason that when I found something that worked I had a tendency to either alter it a small amount or nothing at all. Before I started this project I had planned my assignment down to the wire and then about half a month into the assignment I changed the game and assignments entire focus this proved my prior planning to be a waste of time and resources.

Part way through this assignment I was told by someone that I should delete all of my unnecessary files. I deleted a few over the course of the project and at the end of the assignment, overall though I was so scared of breaking something that I didn't want to delete anything. This makes my game file bigger than it has to be and is more of an irritant than an issue.

The 'Not being afraid to Kill my darlings' issue. I was far too attached to integrating voice recognition into my game for far too long. I should have heard the critique that people were giving me internalized it and then gotten rid of the game's dependency on voice recognition immediately, instead, it took me weeks to come to this milestone. This process did teach me how to cut things that don't work without mercy, which is what I did for the rest of the game's development.

Another big issue for my game was that I rushed things that can't be rushed. For example, the art style that I ended up using for this game was 'Russian Constructivism' this is an art style that requires every angle and colour to be considered. With this in mind at the beginning of my process, I did not do that I just drew something that looked cool and modelled it. I didn't consider how the angles on the inside would affect the bouncing ball. Doing this I made level after level unplayable and worse yet not at all engaging or fun. I did this over and over again until I finally learned, I took my time and I planned the balls angles of bouncing and then after that, I planned the art intentionally around it. This process took longer, every level at the beginning of my project took almost half a week but as I learned I sped up and now it takes a day to make a level.

I would say that my last big failure on this assignment was being afraid to change something that works. This could have many reasons; confidence or skill it doesn’t matter. I am an aspiring junior rigger, I can code and I can model / texture. This being said my coding, modelling and texturing ability is limited. This had an interesting result on my game which is once I made something that worked, regardless of how much time I had to do the task. I didn’t want to re-do the task mainly out of fear that I would break it and not be able to replicate the result. I think this lead to a lot of mechanics, models, and scripts being ‘Fine’. This along with the ever-looming deadline of the end of our project approaching lead to a lot of my work being done up until a point and then having to move on because of time constraints.

Fear was the killer for me on this assignment. I think that my fear of taking risks, or redoing content and even standing behind some of my choices really hurt me on this assignment. With this in mind I know I grew as a person and as a creator over this process but that doesn’t mean I’m not disappointed in some respects. The disappointment doesn’t come from the game it comes from me.

At the beginning of this assignment, I was swinging for the fences, with a 3D narrative based voice recognition game and I examined it and there were massive scoping and technical issues. So I did the wise thing I made something smaller and more fun and while logically I can look at the problem and say I did the right thing. Sometimes I feel playing it safe does leave a bitter taste in my mouth, it’s like admitting to yourself that you don’t think you can achieve the alternative. In thinking about it now I should have also used Git-Kraken from when started. I started using it a month or so into the project and It saved me a lot of time and effort. Originally I was just uploading an individual file to the shared file every day but as the file became larger and larger this became unobtainable. Eventually, I did migrate over to Git-Kraken and get everything set up in the proper manner however once again it was my own fears an uncertainty of self that held me and my project back. I was worried if I didn’t know how the Git Kraken worked or if it broke how to fix the problem, so I choose not to engage with the service. Once I chose to use Git Kraken I learned new skills and could progress at a much more rapid rate.

Twitter: https://twitter.com/xocdarb

  SUCCESSES

 1) Planning my production schedule.

2) Keeping a considered art style the whole  way through.

3) Making my level designs feel at home in  the game's world.

4) Listening to/ sorting through appropriate  critique.

5) Polishing my game.

 Now it’s time to count the ways that I actually succeeded in this assignment. Before we begin I will note that I find it much easier to give negative critique to myself as to me it really feels like I’m gaining knowledge. Whereas when I give positive critique to myself it does feel as though it rings hollow to me. That being said, I think I planned my games development path and then executed on that development plan extremely well. I think that this is one of the single biggest factors as to why my project is in the position it is in during these last few weeks. I would say for future reference that planning out every week’s tasks (including unexpected event weeks) is imperative to an assignments success of any nature.

In the future, I would also use Trello from the beginning as it was instrumental to my success because it gave me a physical reminder to do certain tasks on certain days. In truth, I felt disappointed if a task I was working on could not be completed on time. Next, I felt that I kept a considered art style the whole way through the game, from the ‘Splash Screen’ to the game's menus and then through all of the levels. This was an amazing achievement for me. This required me to dive deep into both the constructionist and suprematism art movements visible in the early 1900’s. I had to learn the art style and then consider what every plain and angle would look and feel like to the player. One of the other big wins for me on this portion of the art was that I think I telegraphed the way that the level should be played/solved well. I used Trello to list my tasks per week in a checklist. Once the week’s tasks have been completed it is dragged into the done folder. This helped me to keep in mind what tasks I needed have done and by when. This method also helped me to keep in mind if I wanted to spend more time on a task what the immediate repercussions would be on the next task.

https://bradcox.itch.io/wobble

Over the course of this assignment, I received a lot of critiques, some of it from leading industry professionals. One of my biggest victories in this assignment I had, is that I finally learned how to control the influence these critiques had over my assignment. To clarify in the past, I have received critique from people and just assumed that their knowledge was superior to my own on the subject and enacted changes without really thinking about the repercussions on the assignment as a whole.

However, in this assignment this wasn’t the case, for example, there was a point that an industry member commented that in my game there should level splash marks on the walls the ball hits and rather wasting weeks trying to replicate the results of an off-handed comment I simply discounted the statement. I took time to internalize the critique and came to the conclusion that the real issue that the person wanted to see remedied was not the lack of paint on the screen but the lack of immediate feedback from the games stimuli. I also think that in this assignment I was more open to critique as a whole because I knew that my process was to listen to what the person was saying and then decide what the true meaning behind the words was. This meant that when I heard something I thought was wrong I was more flexible and accommodating to the critique givers reactions.

The last thing that I would consider a large success in this game assignment for me is how I polished my game. I feel like that this time because I had a clear plan and end goal I was really able to push the quality of my game because of the amount of polish I was able to give it. This gave me time to fix little things meaning I felt relaxed enough that when I did receive further critique on my game I didn’t freak out and or panic that I would not have enough time to fix my issues. Having said that I think one of my biggest successes/ personal growth moments of this project was realising that I label things ‘Good Enough’ and then leaving tasks at that level. This has been a big problem for me in everything from my game design to my Rigging and I do think that now that I have acknowledged this fact I am taking the right next steps to furthering my career and my skill set.

 TRENDS

This graph is a measure of the overall engagement of my game over the last month. My return/ replay factor including playtesters sits at about 7 active users. My active users return rate is currently at about 0.67% - 0.14%. This means there is a 0.67% - 0.14% chance that someone on a daily basis is downloading or visiting my games itch.io page. This is a great indicator of how fun my game is. Unfortunately, the trends shown below appear to display spikes in the engagement that happen to coincide with my games significant playtest and or critique opportunities. This graph shows positive expectations for my game upon release.

                       The graph below represents the number of active players that I have at any one time. The blue line is the number of unique players that I received by the game in the last 30 days, the green line is the total amount of active users I have per day and finally, the purple line is the number of first-time users for my game. This constraint (Even if it is ever so slow) trend of increase in the blue line makes me feel confident that my required audience is being engaged correctly.

https://bradcox.itch.io/wobble

CONCLUSIONS

MOVING FORWARD

Moving forward is always a difficult part because a lot of the time you learn an important lesson and then you forget it for the first few weeks of your next assignment then before repeating to many of those same mistakes your brain starts working and you remember all of the solutions you learned previously. This often happens to me before any significant time is wasted. That being said, the lessons that I learned here in this assignment are varied. Some of these lessons are personal and have taught me that next time ‘fine’ isn’t good enough. Whether it is a rig, or polishing a game or a model, it is important to note that in future I need to walk away from any project knowing that I really refined my work until it is a cut above.

I think the other big thing I would do next time is to not be so scared of failure. As I’ve said there were times in this assignment where I was worried about breaking something so much that I didn’t want to redo or take time to streamline my processes.

At the time of writing this I believe that I am on the right path to fixing this issue as I solved one of my biggest issues, an error that says ‘Particle texture type read and write needs to be enabled’ by making sure I had a back-up of my project (Keeping me in a measured state of mind) and then going through a copy and deleting each group until I found the group causing the issue. Then I took the items from that group and deleted them one by one until I found the item that was causing the issue. After I found the item I kept drilling until I found the issue component. I think that this shows a mindset shift about the importance of doing whatever you have to, to solve the issue even if that means to rebuild something. I hope this change in mindset is the start of my growth beyond being a junior in my field.  

 RELEVANT LINKS

 Blogs:

https://xocdarb.tumblr.com/

 Socials:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/xocdarb

Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/xocdarb/

Games:

https://bradcox.itch.io/wobble

[in-defense-of-the-horror]

An Artist and a Writer

“You know, I’m always going to support you, no matter what.”

That was always the hypothetical situation with Nate, and it probably always would be. He liked to talk about some mystical date in the future when he would be successful, and the money would be pouring in. He liked to describe this fantasy often, in the context that it would happen, probably because he realized that it never would.

He was a hack. It wasn’t the day-dreaming itself that bothered Greg – all artists had a certain level of disconnect from reality, he knew that was something he was guilty of himself. It was fact that in this portrait being painted of the future daily, his role in it never changed. Sometimes Nate did collaborations with authors whom he spent nights pontificating about with condescension. Often it was that his sole publication was picked up by a publisher for another three installations. Once it had been an adaptation into a Netflix original series that he himself directed and cameoed in for his fictional, adoring public. But the stories always ended the same way, with him supporting Greg. “Sure you will.” Greg had endured these ramblings for years, and he was never the star in these fantasies, never a co-star. They were never even equals. Nate liked him being more of a prop, it would seem. “I mean it. I’m going to take care of you.” He spent so much time thinking about that future that he didn’t even seem to realize Greg had been the one taking care of him for years. “I know you would,” he said flatly. “I will. This is going to happen.” “Sure.” It was hard to give monosyllabic replies that sounded sincere, though, and his attempt to evade further discussion had just pulled him deeper into the whole mess. “Oh, so you don’t believe in me now?” “I didn’t say that.” “You didn’t really have to. I can see it in your face. You don’t think that this project is going to happen. You don’t think I’m going to make any money off this.” “I think you have to finish the book, first.” Somehow it had slipped out and the tension was palpable between the two men. His situation had worsened considerably, but his chest felt lighter, even as his partner looked at him with the wounded eyes of an animal that has only ever known imagined pain up to this point in its life. “Wow.” “Look, Nate-“ “Do you have any idea how hard it is to write a novel?” “I’ve written novels, Nate.” “Do you have any idea how hard it is to publish one, then? No, you don’t. Making money in this business isn’t easy. It’s 99% networking – and that’s why you don’t have your name on the shelves.” “Your name isn’t on shelves either!” He was losing control of the situation, but it felt like it might be better to just air all his grievances at once. “You wrote one e-book seven years ago and you’ve been talking about it ever since.” “I have written plenty of other things since then, Greg! Which you would know if you ever paid attention to my work.” “You’ve started two other novels since then, and one short story that overstayed its welcome by about four-thousand words. That’s not enough content for so much time – even if you had finished one of them. I could list of every stage of every draft of every project you’ve considered since we’ve been together, because I have to hear about it for hours every time you manage to cough up a couple hundred words. I have to pay attention to it because it’s all you talk about all the time.” It felt so good to say it all out loud. The words carried with them a momentum and the knowledge that his life would never slide back into what it had been. Nathan, clearly, had felt the shift as well because he had fallen out of his victim routine, the wounded outer layer being peeled back to reveal something nasty and real that Greg had only ever caught glimpses of before. “Well, forgive me for wanting to do work that I’m actually proud of.” That was a low blow, calling him out for doing the contract work that had been paying both their bills. When they had started dating, Greg had been the sort of man who would never stoop that low in a fight. Then again, when they started dating, he thought he was in love with another writer. The insult was falling from his lips before he could even think of stopping it. “I would rather be a sell out than a prideful creator with no creation.” “How. Dare. You.” “That’s really the heart of the problem, isn’t it? You have no work. You have no ideas.” “I have ideas!” “The same ideas! The same three fucking ideas for your entire career – if we can even be calling it that.” “Stop it!” “No! I’ve been coddling your ego for too long – but I’m tired of hearing about what a genius you are every goddamned day and reading the same unfinished story over and over every time you change some punctuation. I can’t do it anymore.” “You won’t leave me.” “I’ll do one worse. I’ll tell you the truth. You’re the sort of writer who likes talking about his work more than he likes working on it – and the only market that sells to is the campus kids down the street who are as pretentious as you.” Honesty felt so good for Greg. The crime of passion that followed felt exponentially better for Nate. The knife was in his lover before he even knew what was happening. It had been sitting there, on the table where he had eaten alone because Greg had to work late. It hadn’t been cleaned up yet because Greg was too tired to ever dream of helping out around the house, let alone go to events or have a real conversation. Nate’s boyfriend who had always been afraid to open up, was now spilling his guts all over their hardwood floors. The irony of that struck Nate as incredibly poetic. As he let the body fall to the floor at last he tried to describe the sentiment in his head, to imagine how he might put it on paper. The words evaded him though – he couldn’t think of any that could truly capture the beauty of it all. It was something that he never could have imagined, a tragedy for the ages that bundled up in a warm euphoria. His metaphors kept mixing, and even in the thrill of the moment, the imagery was hard for him to hold onto. He wanted to do something with it before his inspiration was all gone. Taking just a moment to wipe his hands on his jeans, he retrieved his computer and sat down next to the carnage. He had the word processor up in seconds, but still, the story wouldn’t come to him. Not even in what he considered to be his finest moment. An abyss of white stared back at him, and they continued the stand-off until his vision was blurry and his brain hurt. Some work days were just like that. “I told you, you’re not a real writer.” Nathan tried to block out the sound of the corpse beside him, taunting him, just as it had in life. “You’re never going to see your name in print, you can’t write a single word.” “Shut up!” “Why don’t you tell me about the story you want to write, now that I’m truly a captive audience.” “You don’t deserve to hear it.” “You have nothing.” “I have everything I need.” “You’re not a writer.” He looked down at the body, half-expecting to see it sneering as it challenged him, cackling with its victory over his life and sanity. None of that was true, of course. Greg was just dead. “You’re not a writer.” This time, Nate was saying it to himself. He’d just had the biggest break through of his career. He wasn’t a writer after all. Maybe he never had been. He closed his laptop with a grin, feeling relief wash over him as he realized he’d never have to struggle with word count again. There would be no more query letters, no more rejection, no more feeling inadequate, and especially no more trying to fool himself into believing he was something he wasn’t. He wasn’t a writer; he was an artist. He was a visionary, a prodigy, someone who had created a masterpiece their first time around. The last seven years hadn’t been a waste. They’d pushed him to the point of brilliance and now that he’d found his calling, he could finally claim the success he knew he’d been destined for. He stood up a new man. For the first time since his publication he knew that he could go to bed and rest easy, knowing that it had been a fulfilling day of work. He looked down at the floor one last time, and exalted in the pride he had for his new creation.

[zillabean]

That interview was a really strange way to reveal Shiro's future role. It was a HUGE spoiler and felt dismissive of Shiro after all he's fought for. Of course that doesn't justify fans' bad behavior in reaction to it, and then made voltwitter release another spoiler as damage control. The whole thing just makes me really sad. That's all to say, thank you for sympathizing/speaking for those of us who are upset, while also being a voice of reason and supportive of the creators of the show.

Agreed. It felt terrible and dismissive and really hurt.  I know that sounds childish and dumb, but Shiro is a beautiful character that they wove so well, that so many fans really fell in love with inside and out; he means a lot to us. And to see him essentially pushed out of a role that was so meaningful to him really hurt. It’s hard for me to remain optimistic for the future arcs because it feels so cold and wrong, but... I wish to support the creatives who gave us this character and this show, so I’m trying to hold out hope.

Regarding damage control, honestly there’s no proof of that.  It could be an attempt at such due to the massive backlash from that interview, or it could just as easily have been a scheduled promo that was lined up to go out to continue promoting S6 which is just barely 2 weeks old, and just had coincidental timing. There’s really no way to know, and I’m not reading too much into it.  It’s FUN to think that he might get to be a White Paladin someday, hell I even did head canon fan art of it, but I’m not holding my breath.  Just based on what S6 wrought for Shiro, and combined with the interview that really doesn’t sound false to me, I’m cautious.  I’m honestly approaching S7 with a heavy heart, trepidation, and a spoonful of hope and curiosity.  It all remains to be seen.

But again, at the end of the day, attacking the staff and other fans is wrong. There is NOTHING to justify that. It’s wrong and immature and a terrible thing to do. You can state your grievances, you can voice your opinion, but please, try to be respectful.  This fandom has way too much disrespect as it is.  We’re better than that.

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Warm sunshine and sakura showers at Kikorei Island

The fireworks show tonight was spectacular! A fitting way to end the Summer Nights Festival, which was a fun event. It was nice seeing Dello and Donna, even more so as Ocean Winds was one of the acts performing at the festival. Since their debut album released earlier this year, Ocean Winds has been rocking the music charts and rightfully so. Seeing them rock out on stage has added to the festival experience - they really have flourished since moving out of the manor and away from their uncle.

Along with the chart topping musical duo, Louise, Rosie, Cissy, Rolly, Easton, and Edie have tagged along for the festivities. I haven’t really spoken to Edie much since Anissa’s passing so it’s good to hear that she and Jamila are doing all right. It hasn’t been easy for them but at least Anissa went peacefully, remaining in high spirits until the very end. A documentary on Anissa and her family has been in the works for some time and a teaser was posted on the blog a couple weeks ago. Edie says nothing’s definite yet other than it’s coming out sometime next year and the proceeds will go to charity to help families of children who suffered from pediatric strokes, which was what Anissa had.

Dello and Donna have been busy, of course, with recording music and doing live performances. Their debut single, Shine Within You, quickly jumped to the top of the charts in less than a month. The lyrics really hit home for me - as well as pretty much most of the world - as it’s basically about how you don’t have to be spectacular or groundbreaking to prove your worth, that it’s okay to live life just by existing and doing your own thing because in the end, there’s only one you in this world, and only you can decide what you want out of life. Tally had hinted months ago that this was the first song they recorded professionally as it was the one mentioned as featuring family and friends as part of the chorus.

On a side note, the song has its detractors because of the message, resulting in some pretty bad takes. I think the most common one is that the song promotes mediocrity and underachievement, aka this song’s for lazy people who try to uplift themselves. Honestly, if that’s what their takeaway from the song is then they either hurt their back making such a reach or they have shitty comprehension skills. Apparently Mae and Alon are among those who have made negative comments about the song and Ocean Winds in general. Not surprisingly the Clanwing patriarch too has some critiques of his own regarding the duo’s music. By critique I mean he’s one of those people whose criticism isn’t so much on the media itself but rather them taking out their personal grievances on the creator and tries to make it everyone’s problem.

Aside from that, Shine Within You really resonated with a lot of people, myself included, and a lot of people have done covers like Cheyenne, Atsushi, Marianne, Lenie - it’s cool to hear everyone’s takes on this song. Plus it’s fun hearing the duo perform it live on stage, especially when the audience joins in on the chorus. There’s just something about the lyrics and the accompanying voices that works so well, kinda like a mantra encouraging you to open your eyes and learn how to be okay with yourself, flaws and all. When I’m feeling low, this song pop into my head and I start to feel a little better.

After the success of their first single, Too Bad for You shot up the charts as well. Those who have been following Ocean Winds for a long time are already familiar with the song, so it’s kinda a given that it’ll be a hit. Not too much has changed from the original recording aside from a few tweaks here and there to polish it up a little so that’s a good thing. That happens to be the song Kent has the most grievances with because he feels that it’s a personal attack against him. Well, he isn’t exactly wrong, the song is kinda about him, along with most other people Dello and Donna have been fucked over by. The thing about this song is that it’s not overly mean towards a specific person or anything, it’s mostly about anger and resentment mainly at yourself for not being able to assert your boundaries when you’re being trampled on. Of course, with a message like that, some people are gonna take it personally, which proves the song’s point.

Two more singles followed - Maybe and Scenic Route - along with Ocean Winds’s self titled album. Of course, I bought the album as soon as it came out. Easily one of the best new releases this year. I’m glad that Dello and Donna are getting the recognition they deserve.

Maybe is a song about reflection on the past, that feeling of missing how things were back then, even if things weren’t all that great it was still somewhat familiar. But at the same time you don’t want to go back to how things were because it was a difficult time. There’s no doubt that Dello and Donna were speaking from experience with that.

Scenic Route is another song that’s being covered by a lot of people. Dello wrote parts of it a long time ago when he was at a low point and ended up forgetting about it for some time. Later Donna came across the unfinished recording and decided to pick it back up. The final result is a song about feeling lost and taking the time to collect yourself instead of the usual carrying on like nothing happened. It’s also one of two songs where Dello and Donna share lead vocals, the other being Northern Lights. The only song where Dello sings lead is I Wish to See Your Smile Again, which is dedicated to Louise.

Ocean Winds’s second album is set to be out next year and they’ve been hinting about what to expect. One of the new songs is co-written by Edie, a tribute to Anissa. Donna says the second album is pretty much done, which isn’t surprising considering how prolific of a songwriter Dello is. It’s hard to believe that back then Kent had discouraged him from pursuing music, stating that he’d only be setting himself up for disappointment. Thankfully Dello’s long past the point where he needs his uncle’s approval on how to run his own life. Had he and Donna not put their foot down last year, Ocean Winds wouldn’t be a thing.

At the festival we enjoyed snacks, music, and the lovely scenery. Kikorei is a bit of an isolated island so it’s peaceful and quiet, the kind of place that’s good for an island getaway that isn’t too crowded with tourists. Though the main reason we came was for the festival - and to see Ocean Winds perform - we also came for the scenery. The Sakura River runs across the island and is a popular route of transportation for exploring.

The weather’s been perfect as it hasn’t been too hot so of course we spent a lot of time at the river enjoying the warm sunshine and summer breeze. True to its name, the river is surrounded by sakura trees. They said you know when you’re near the river when you’re hit with a faint fragrance of blossoms, followed by a shower of petals when a breeze passes by.

Even though I’ve been here for almost a week, I still haven’t grown tired of seeing the sakura showers when we go on the boat. There’s just something so fascinating and delicate about watching the petals fall all around the water, kinda like catching a snowflake in your palm. Though I have seen cherry blossoms many times throughout my life, something about these blossoms feels different. I bet by the end of this trip next week, I’ll still find the falling petals as mesmerizing as the first time I saw them.

When we’re not chilling at the river or enjoying the festival, we’ve been sightseeing at Kikorei City. A lot of my time has been spent at the cafes trying out their various drinks. Sakura matcha and milk tea mochi are popular local treats here and each place has their own way of making them. There’s something so nice about sitting by the river enjoying some sakura matcha boba while surrounded by falling petals.

When I’m out traveling I enjoy looking at local shops. Though most of the touristy places are popular for a reason, I try to look into smaller local places as those can bring new experiences when you least expect it. There’s something about little shops, particularly gift shops and bookstores, that draws me in. And being a stationery lover and art journaler, I like collecting ephemera from my travels as well as notebooks.

I don’t know exactly how it happened but since I began traveling and journaling on a semi regular basis, it seems to be my thing to buy a notebook as a souvenir when I visit a new place. I have a bit of a collection of empty notebooks and sketchbooks but they are getting used so I don’t feel too guilty about it. With the way I journal now, I will eventually go through them so they are being put to good use. For my trip to Kikorei Island, I treated myself to a handmade journal with a lovely sakura pattered fabric cover that’s hand woven. It’s a bit on the pricey side, but I think it’s so totally worth it because of how much work is put into making it. The notebook is bound in Japanese style binding, which I’ve seen and heard of before but never actually owned something like that until now.

Since I can’t experience the sakura showers forever, I think this notebook is the closest I’ll have to taking that experience home with me. I specifically chose this one because the design of the cover reminds me so much of the falling petals. Shortly after buying the notebook, I rested by the river and sketched out the sakura shower on the first page.

Boat rides and picnics by the river are a good way to unwind as well as become familiar with the scenery. Now that the festival’s over, we’re gonna have more time to further explore the island. Right now we’re at the center of the island, not too far from the city. I’d like to explore the whole island but realistically speaking, we’d probably only have time to visit about half. So we chose to travel to the right where the mountains are since it’ll be cooler there as the temperature’s expected to go up to the 90s in the next few days. I’m totally looking forward to the mountains, not so much the 90 degree weather.

Dello and Donna are gonna stick around for a few days before heading to another engagement. The others don’t have anything immediate back home so they’re gonna join us on exploring the mountains. And if time permits, maybe spend a couple days at the camp since it’s towards the same direction as Cityburg.

[acatnamedlulu]

My Thoughts on Channel Awesome- Part 1: The Walkers

So, full disclosure, this is going to get dramatic. This isn’t going to be an “objective look” on the whole controversy surrounding Channel Awesome. This is going to be a biased, unfiltered rant. And it’s gonna get loooooooooong. I’ll put a TL;DR at the end of this, and I’ll try and keep the deep anger and frustration to a minimum to prevent any rambling tangents or “CAPZLOCK YELLING BCUZ I AM ANGER, RRAAAAGH!” 

 Ok, I’m sure many of you already know by now the recent shitstorm of events surrounding Channel Awesome over the past couple weeks, but for those of you unaware, how about a little context:

A few weeks ago (at the time of this posting), several former producers/content creators of Channel Awesome compiled a 70+ page google document titled “Not So Awesome”, each detailing their own shitty experiences working at Channel Awesome. Many of these allegations range from minor jabs, to full legitimate complaints regarding Doug and Rob Walker and especially Channel Awesome CEO Mike Michaud’s behavior. So while maybe one or two points brought up in the document could come off as petty, or just throwing shade, I don’t think that’s a reason to discredit the entire thing.This is nearly a dozen or so ex-producers affiliated with the “TGWTG” website as early as 2008, all with their own experiences and grievances. And even though everyone has a different story to tell, they all seem to be tied together by the same goddamn themes: Not just about the shitty behavior/poor business etiquette of Mike Michaud, but also poor behavior by the Walkers. And although Michaud is absolutely the worst out of all the people being named, I wanna talk about Doug Walker first. And by extent Rob Walker. Although, Rob is more of an issue when it comes to the business end of Channel Awesome as opposed to the actual entertainment, so maybe I’ll talk about him more when I go into a rant about Michaud. Granted, I have a feeling that my opinions on the Walkers are going to be met with a more negative response, and believe me, I completely understand why, but just... just here me out. More bullshit context and backstory, oh happy fucking day!

Alright, so when I was a dumb, hormonal young teen exploring her “edgy” side, I came across the Nostalgia Critic circa 2009-10ish? And after finding the character’s harsh judgement, foul colorful language, and humorous approach to critiquing to be right up my alley, I became an extremely loyal fan of TGWTG. Even after the NC reboot in 2013, I still stuck around and tuned in every week. For as much as I hated some of those goddamn skits, and clipless reviews, I still wanted to hear Doug’s opinion on a movie. He helped me understand film on a critical level that I didn’t think I could reach. And while I don’t consider myself a “critic” in any sense of the word, it was cool to have someone help guide me through an entire medium and look at it in a meaningful and thoughtful way. I eventually started watching Doug and Rob out of character, and both of them seemed like passionate, humble people who enjoy what they do. Watching the NC behind the scenes were sometimes more fun than watching an episode because Doug Walker truly looks like a man who’s dedicated to his work. But as I say this now, this also seems to be one of his biggest flaws. I know this is already longer than it has any business being, but the reason I’m going on this lengthy diatribe, is because I need you guys to understand where I’m coming from, and why I have such a strong stance on this. Which is why I’ll finally get to my fucking point: 

I think Doug Walker needs to be held more accountable for his actions. Or at least his actions need to be taken more seriously/into consideration.

As stupid as this sounds, this has been bugging me since the day the “Not so Awesome” google document has been released. Not so much the contents of the document itself, but rather, some of the reactions around it. The general consensus is that Mike Michaud is a terrible person, and something absolutely needs to be done about him... which is absolutely true. But what bothered me is people’s quick need to, maybe not justify, but brush over the shit that Doug has caused too. One of the biggest issues that many of the producers discuss in the document is the absolute production hell of the CA anniversary movies.

From “Kickassia” all the way up to “To Boldly Flee”, it just baffles me how incompetent and incapable Doug Walker is, both at making a film, and caring for his crew at even the bare minimum. Going back and watching TBF, you don’t even have to read the full extension of what it was like working on the set, because you can practically see it on the actors’ faces! You can just feel the exhaustion of everybody involved except Doug, but that’s because the man was so severely wrapped up in this self-serving ego project, that everyone else gets stepped on as a result. Remember what the stupid plot of TBF was anyway? The Nostalgia Critic brings everyone from CA into space to fight an anomaly called a “plot hole”, only for the NC to make his big damn sacrifice and die as the noble hero, killing off the character for good... until the reboot in 2013. With none of the other producers being notified of this until they received their scripts just a few weeks before filming.Yeah, it’s kinda fucking heartbreaking to know that other contributors and producers were treated as such an afterthought, that they were told this information in this short amount of time, in a movie that they were starring in. 

Several people have pointed out the lack of basic necessities needed on a film set such as catering and water. Guys, this isn’t a group of kids dicking around with a camera and a computer for a few hours and making a home movie. This was an actual production supervised by grown adults who needed to be told during filming that “people need food and water”. Across the course of several films. One of which was filmed in the Nevada desert. How difficult would it have really been to stop off at a fucking Walmart, gather up some coolers and ice bags, some of those 24 packs of water in bulk and keep it at a safe location on the damn set? This isn’t something that requires a goddamn film degree to understand, it’s common fucking sense. It’s just baffling to me that these painstaking efforts from the producers were just “voluntary” positions, too. The document itself goes into much more detail of how that shit works, so I’ll be posting it at the end of this rant, you’re welcome. 

And this is where I draw the line of giving Doug a pass. You can’t convince me that this level of negligence is just some kind of mistake that can be easily forgiven. I can’t believe that people can defend Doug on the grounds of “well, he’s just the pawn in this” or “he was just being naive and selfish”. No, this type of naivete and lack of basic human decency has caused people physical harm. Several actors sustained injuries throughout the production of the anniversary films. This usually ended with both Doug and Rob shrugging some of these off, while others had to sign contracts in order for CA to avoid a lawsuit. That is fucking insane!

A couple producers in the document recall how Doug was more involved with the business aspect of CA. He was more than just a puppet for Mike Michaud. Remember, the anniversary movies were written by him and Rob. And while Michaud was most likely the one who had the final say of what went on, Doug was the overseer of these projects. These were his creations, and he should have taken full responsibility for what was going on. And for him to have such a cynical and uncaring approach to the treatment of both the characters within the film, and the producers portraying them is sickening. This man has put on the persona of being this nice, approachable, easy to work/converse with person for years, and to hear how egotistical and negligent he truly is. I mean, don’t get me wrong, there was always something a bit self-centered about Doug, but knowing what I know now... like, it’s hard to explain why I feel so guilty about supporting Doug for as long as I did. I know we all can say “oh, well, it’s not like we knew”, but see, the thing is, I kind of did. The incidents with Obscurus Lupa weren’t completely unknown beforehand. Since like, 2015, people have been bringing this shit up, and I willingly chose to ignore it because I was such a huge NC fan. I just blindly kept watching the show and pretending CA was this cool, friendly place and nothing was wrong. Yeah, I’m not gonna act like I’m such a good person for bashing Doug, and I know that I shouldn’t have had such blind support. But the good news is, I don’t now.  I know better, and I hope we all can move on from this, and learn. 

Ok, so going back and reading this overly dramatic tripe, I realize I may have gone off the rails at some points. So before this turns into an “amateur hour smear campaign”, I think I’m going to split this up into two parts. I already said all I want to say about Doug and Rob. But I still have issues with Mike Michaud that are probably the same opinions everyone and their mother has expressed on this insane human being. But I still wanna get some stuff off my chest. Anyway, this is now Part 1 of the “Lunatic ravings of a disgruntled former fangirl” saga, maybe some of you would like to join me for My Thoughts on Channel Awesome Part 2: Electric Boogaloo. 

and now for the TL;DR

I think Doug Walker is an inept, egotistical man who has hurt people both emotionally, and sometimes physically to get what he wants. And people shouldn’t excuse his actions just because he doesn’t run the CA site in the way Mike Michaud does. If he’s going to go through the trouble of making a fucking movie, especially one that’s nearly four hours long, he should make sure the crew is at least hydrated and not exhausted all the goddamn time. Doug is a grown ass man, and he should carry these responsibilities like an adult. Maybe then, the CA anniversary movies would be at least a little less cringey to watch. Rant on Michaud coming soon. Peace out, dickholes. 

The “Not So Awesome” document

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WZFkR__B3Mk9EYQglvislMUx9HWvWhOaBP820UBa4dA/preview#heading=h.smmxroimnosh

[primrose-path-of-dalliance]

Lotor’s end (?) in s6

i gave in to my terrible impulses and wrote a three-part essay about lotor. it's literally >9k and i ignored all of my other projects for this for over a week. rip.

in these three posts, i talk a lot about lotor from a sympathetic pov. so if that's something that makes your fandom experience uncomfortable, go ahead and ignore this post because it's not for you. stay healthy, and i can only promise you that i hold lotor accountable for every shitty thing he's done (especially when it comes to withholding info from allura because seriously, what bullshit). on the other hand, if you are a person who hates lotor as a piece of evil garbage because ???? fandom and purity culture thought it would be a great idea to hate him without looking very hard at the work the writers put in to make him more complex than the actual pure evil bastard zarkon himself that we already have... i challenge you to read on. do it. i dare you. (at the very least so you might hate him with a better understanding of why.)

so tl;dr: this is the "in this essay i will" meme followed through, if i started talking about how lotor's not a pure evil bastard and is instead the perfect example of a protagonist gone sour through 10,000 years of poor coping choices, oppression, and a lot of actual resentment, as well as a neat talk at the end where i break down lotor's breakdown.

toc 1: i shake out some salt and talk about the altean colony | 2: i question why people keep insisting lotor was "evil all along" | 3: i talk about my favorite parts of lotor’s breakdown

i take a lot of my knowledge and inspiration from @radioactivesupersonic, who writes some awesome meta. (seriously, thank you clockie. you are amazing.) so while i might specifically cite posts of his throughout these three posts, expect his ideas to be everywhere lol. please check him out if you have the time, he's much better at this meta thing than me. (for safety purposes, i'm gonna disclaim: i did not consult with him on anything. so while i synthesize with a lot of his stuff, my thoughts are not necessarily his and i take full responsibility for that shit.)

anyway, i don't make meta posts a lot nor have any good idea of what a good structure for one would be. so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

"even after season 6, you still like lotor?"

fuck yeah my pal.

"but why? he's clearly terrible and evil! he killed thousands of alteans and said he was going to conquer the universe, destroy voltron forever, etc.!"

i mean, yeah. but i'm gonna soapbox for a second.

number one: nothing precludes me or anyone else from loving the shit out of an evil character. we're not personally invested in the story in the sense that we have real stakes involved. they're fictional characters, and we are the audience. nothing they've done has any bearing on our reality (barring general patterns that can be established by media as a whole) and therefore it's not our moral responsibility to throw down terrible judgment on a person who isn't real, even if they've done horrible shit.

i'm not saying one can't acknowledge or dislike a character who's a bad person. lotor himself has done terrible things, and if you could not give less of a fuck about him, that's highkey your prerogative and i champion your freedom to have your personal preferences.

but we're not the characters who live in that world. we're spectators to a fictional story, and one thing that means is that we have no obligation to anyone to personally hate a villain, no matter what they've done because put simply, nothing they've done is real. no one has ever been harmed by a singular fictional villain.

the purpose of the villain and their actions is not to be hated by the audience, but to help tell a story. hopefully, they're also helping to paint a picture of the variety of people, perspective, and experience in a respectful manner.

there's a strong trend in fandom now toward purity culture, where we're expected to hate anything that isn't perfect, and that's such a goddamn lie. nothing is perfect. nothing ever will be. we can't reasonably expect that level of performance from content creators.

and what does "perfect" even mean? social justice is an extremely nuanced topic, colored by individual perspective on what's right or good. there's never going to be an ideal piece of media that hits every spot perfectly because there are an infinite number of spots, and what they are changes in importance with every person.

so when it comes to storytelling, we need to focus more on what's practically possible. what's practically admirable. for me, ideally, that's "what have they accomplished? is this story illustrating the richness of human (or alien) experience? and how?"

this includes villains.

number two: i don't believe lotor is a villain in the sense that he's Evil or even necessarily irredeemable. from a personal perspective, i'll direct you to this post (link), which basically sums up my view on forgiving people who've done bad things. but from the third-party perspective as well, lotor isn't someone to find reprehensible or evil—at least, not to the level a lot of other people seem to be compelled to. let's break this down into more questions.

"lotor has killed people for his own personal gain! abused countless alteans, who already experienced a genocide!"

(allura is right there with you guys.)

yes, he did. i don't deny his crimes a single bit. the personal gain point may be arguable, but it still doesn't really make it better.

firstly: this is also addressed to those people who are stalwartly defending lotor's goodness by saying that romelle must have been lying. i haven't read any of the posts myself and only heard some of the points secondhand, and that is because the theory sounds like a load of bollocks (link).

this isn't something out of character for lotor, as much as i might want to believe so. it's really, really not, and i fully acknowledge that. we already know that lotor will do anything to survive if he finds himself caught between a rock and a hard place. that was what happened to narti.

lotor does have good morals. he has an absolute shit ton of them that, honestly, i don't know how to explain in detail without making this post twice as long as it's already going to be. he cares about individual life. he campaigns for conservation. he values people's cultures and would much rather work alongside them than dominate them. he's not cruel or sadistic like many of his peers in the galra empire, and he favors those who are discriminated against. and no, i don't believe any of these were an act. i can point to word of god for the most supportive proof—that "part of Lotor, a portion of Lotor, maybe all of Lotor, is coming from a very genuine place" (link).

(if you want deeper explanations about why these conclusions are accurate, please check out my #voltron meta tag and @radioactivesupersonic. especially him.)

but as it's been established, lotor is willing to break his morals if he feels he's faced with an ultimatum: survive, or die. victory or death.

"but that's a galra chant! he said it during the trials at oriande, and he was unworthy because of it. doesn't that prove he's really selfish at heart and will destroy anything if it means he gets what he wants?"

no. and also another no.

those two links go to really good arguments against that line of thinking. but let me sum it up: lotor has lived 10,000 years with an abusive father in an empire that considers his half-galra status lesser and despises his altean blood especially, and spent much of that in disgraced exile.

"victory or death," to him, doesn't mean that it would be better to die than to accept a loss, as when it's used by his galra peers; it means that he has to win, or else he is left to the mercies of his foes. and none of his foes have ever been merciful. he can never trust that one will ever be.

survival is lotor's most important victory in an empire that has been either apathetic to his existence or outright antagonistic. it represents his entire struggle of living—that he has to stay alive in order to win, and to a lesser extent, that staying alive in his universe is winning.

of course, lotor has larger motivations than merely surviving that he will protect just as ruthlessly. from a general perspective, one can hardly blame him for that. surviving isn't exactly living and being happy, especially in a universe that oppresses people like him, and he wants an escape from the corner he always seems to find himself boxed in. to a slightly lesser extent, he wants to create an escape for the countless societies oppressed under the empire as well. that's where his desire for infinite quintessence comes from.

"so you're telling me that he felt trapped in a corner and forced to break his supposed morals to use countless numbers of his own people as a fuel source. how the hell does that make sense? what trapped him? didn't he have other options? and how does this justify what he did?"

i'm not claiming that lotor was justified in any way. that is a fair grievance for people to have, and frankly, what he did was horrible and ugly and made victims of an already fragile colony, including romelle and her family. understanding the 'why' of what someone did is, shockingly, not the same as justifying them. (and i don't believe people look for the 'why' enough, when understanding the 'why' is an important step toward preventing the 'what'.)

maybe lotor had other options. there's not a lot of exposition that happens in this show, in-story or in interviews or otherwise. there isn't enough information about the canonical process of quintessence collection, or about quintessence in general, to say for certain if lotor could have done something less egregious in his treatment of the altean colony.

either way, he had to harvest quintessence. the likely possibility as to why? the galra empire was limiting his resources, both because he was an exile and because he knew they (particularly haggar) might be watching, and he couldn't let them piece together his plans to usurp power. he needed quintessence in which he controlled every part of the creation process, and he needed to hide as much of how he was using it as possible. the easiest way to do that was for him to get his own source.

contrary to that assertion, i don't believe lotor first created the altean colony with the intention to use them as a quintessence farm. i believe he genuinely cared about preserving what was left of altea, similar to how he cares about preserving culture in general. this would be consistent with his previous characterization as well as lm and jds's assurances that he was coming from a genuine place. most importantly, even according to romelle's story, the second colony is never depicted as an idea lotor conceived from the start. it came much later, after the first colony was well-established.

it's likely that lotor originally had other sources of quintessence, since throk mentioned his possession of multiple colonies in s3e1, or that he hadn't yet come up with his plans in their entirety. maybe haggar or zarkon caught wind of certain plots and thwarted them, destroying his sources in the process. (we certainly get the impression in s3 and s4 that lotor coming up with rebellious plots isn't a new thing to either of them.) maybe his ambitions and travels gradually revealed themselves to need more quintessence than he'd expected. purchasing quintessence from any suppliers would have required an income, a relatively time-consuming and unreliable endeavor that might not have gotten him much in exchange. any quintessence supplies he might have acquired using his identity, if he could acquire any, would almost certainly have been monitored—how much he took, where he received them—to the point where use of them would be incredibly risky. he might have also morally disliked using empire-produced quintessence, since they would've been harvested using empire methods (i.e. "caring about colonies whomst?"). at least with his methods, he would know he wasn't destroying them without regard. either way, whatever previous sources of quintessence he had became too limited an amount for his operations. he needed more.

i get a strong impression that people don't understand what he could be using quintessence for. but we see it everywhere in the empire, in voltron, and in the castle of lions—it's the primary energy source of vld's world that powers machines, fuels ships, assists in experimentation, heals injuries, even prolongs life. nothing else compares. lotor wouldn't have needed it personally for the latter purpose, but one can't exactly travel the universe on an empty tank. without quintessence, he would've essentially been dead in the water. additionally, considering that the quintessence shows up in places not explicitly related to lotor, the fact that we see galra soldiers accompanying lotor on the altean colony when we know he was in exile, and the amount of resources he must have been supplying to the colony in secret, it's also possible he was using it to bribe people into doing things for him and staying silent. it probably would've been effective; it's described as an especially powerful form of quintessence, and he was the only source.

anyway, lotor needed quintessence he could control entirely without having to fear discovery and subsequent destruction. the altean colony was his only colony that he could be reasonably certain the empire would never find. and in true lotor fashion, the first defense he asserted was that he saved what was left of altea from the empire, despite the horrendous crimes he was committing, and could now stop his quintessence farming with his access to the quintessence field. technically, we don't even know whether all of the alteans taken to the second colony are dead (link). the man romelle saw there was still in the tank, as many others must have been.

lotor might have been planning to eventually heal them by using the quintessence field. of course, even if that's true, lotor still took away years of their lives, lied to them and their families, and drained them to near-death. the experience must have been traumatizing. and who knows how well they would be able to recover, if at all. it's little comfort.

(editing, i feel compelled to plug this analysis by @radioactivesupersonic of lotor's arc and relationship with allura as a vampire story because it's interesting as hell, pounds out what i've just said further, and is something i read prior to writing this up so i may have unconsciously stolen from it. (i can only promise that i completely forgot about it until i went looking for all my links rip.))

nevertheless, lotor's first priority for the altean colony was always to preserve them—even if he eventually, essentially started treating them as a renewable resource with his farming's effects on the survival of his people and culture as environmental impacts. make of that what you will.

"if lotor is such a decent person who loves altea and wants to end the galra empire, why didn't he team up with voltron from the beginning? he was around before season 3! why didn't he show up earlier?"

that, my friend, is a good question i've puzzled over too. i have an answer.

number one: lotor has been in the habit of effectively working on his lonesome for about the past 10,000 years and canonically displays a wealth of paranoia and trust issues. teamwork isn't usually the first idea that comes to mind to someone like lotor.

number two: we get a very dramatic hint toward this in the climax of s6 (can't wait until we reach that part!), as well as during his invasion of puig in s3, but i believe lotor didn't have much confidence in voltron's capabilities during the period of s1 and s2 or for some time afterwards. he's a very cautious and careful player, learned from millennia of working against the interests and conventions of an extremely powerful empire.

and if we all remember correctly, voltron lost 10,000 years ago. granted, alfor sent the lions away rather than risk zarkon gaining control of the black lion, but it was still him and the other paladins against zarkon. victory should've been within reach, and yet they lost. so 10,000 years later, voltron appears to have returned, and none of those fears have been assuaged. who are these random newcomers to pilot the lions, and how could they possibly succeed where the original paladins didn't, when they don't even have the might of armies behind them? zarkon could still retake control of the black lion. additionally, lotor's own feelings towards voltron (and symbolically, king alfor) as a savior are extremely complicated. (you cannot believe how excited i am to talk about that. just wait.) he's not going to risk everything he's worked for on a wild card he's incredibly unsure will manage to make a dent. it would even make zarkon stronger if they lost, and therefore his father, one of the people he most wants to avoid the attention of, would be coming after them in a frenzy.

even after the s2 finale where voltron critically injured zarkon, he finds them insufficient. they create the coalition, yet he can essentially retake puig in the span of an hour with a team of five attackers.

clearly, they still weren’t well-equipped enough to stand against the galra empire. it would be in lotor's best interests to avoid voltron like the plague unless he was certain they wouldn't be crushed. so he did just that.

i suspect that before the voltron coalition grew into its own, lotor was planning to independently start a coup of some kind. it would've been pretty easy with unlimited quintessence. but after he was declared an enemy of the empire to be killed on sight, when voltron had gained significant strength and organized rebellion against the empire alongside liberated planets became a genuine and effective possibility, he joins them—right after their surprise attack liberates a full third of the empire and shocks the galra off his trail. the coalition was finally a basket he felt secure putting some of his eggs into.

(part 2)

[dfroza]

many people in this world have stood against our Creator’s truth.

just as Paul was opposed in ancient times in the message he shared.

Today’s reading of the Scriptures from the New Testament is the 25th chapter of the book of Acts:

Three days after arriving in the province, Festus traveled south from Caesarea to Jerusalem. The chief priests and Jewish leaders still had a plan to kill Paul and gave a report to Festus about their unresolved grievances against Paul. They suggested that as a favor to them, Festus should move Paul to Jerusalem. Of course, this was part of the plan to set an ambush for Paul and kill him en route. Festus instead offered to reopen the case. He would be going back to Caesarea soon.

Festus: So let your leaders accompany me, and bring your accusations against the man.

Eight or ten days later, Festus returned to Caesarea, and the next day he took his seat in court. He ordered Paul to be brought before him. The Jewish opponents from Jerusalem immediately surrounded Paul and from all directions bombarded him with all sorts of serious charges, none of which could be proven.

Paul (quietly and simply): In no way have I committed any offense against Jewish law, against the Jewish temple and all it represents, or against the emperor.

Here Festus saw an opportunity to do just the favor Paul’s Jewish opponents had requested.

Festus: Would you like to have your trial in Jerusalem? I’d be willing to try your case there.

Paul: If I had committed a capital offense, I would accept my punishment. But I’m sure it’s clear to you that I have done no wrong to the Jews. Since their charges against me are completely empty, it would be wrong to turn me over to them. No, I do not wish to go to Jerusalem. I am appealing to the court of the emperor in Rome.

Festus conferred privately with his council and returned with this decision:

Festus: You have appealed to the emperor, so to the emperor you will go.

Several days later, the provincial king Agrippa arrived in Caesarea with his wife Bernice to welcome the new governor. Their visit lasted several days, which gave Festus the chance to describe Paul’s case to the king.

Festus: Felix left me some unfinished business involving a prisoner named Paul. When I was in Jerusalem, I got an earful about him from the chief priests and Jewish elders. They wanted me simply to decide against him, but I informed them that we Romans don’t work that way. We don’t condemn a person accused of a crime unless the accusers present their case in person so the accused has ample opportunity to defend himself against the charge. I arranged for them to come here for a proper hearing. In fact, the first day after I returned to Caesarea, I took my seat in court and heard his case without delay. Contrary to my expectations, the accusers brought no substantial charges against him at all. Instead, they were bickering about their own religious beliefs related to a fellow named Jesus, who had died, but whom Paul claimed was raised to life again. I had no idea how to handle a religious squabble pretending to be a legal case, so I suggested Paul be taken to Jerusalem so he could be tried on Jewish turf, so to speak. But Paul refused, and instead he appealed to be kept in custody so the case could be referred to his Imperial Majesty. So I have held him until we can arrange to send him to the emperor.

Agrippa: This sounds interesting. I’d like to hear this fellow in person.

Festus: You will, then. We’ll bring him in tomorrow.

The next day, King Agrippa and Bernice arrived at the great hall with great formality, accompanied by the military commanders and the city’s leading men. Festus ordered Paul to be brought before them.

Festus: King Agrippa and all our honored guests, here is the man who has been charged with wrongdoing by the Jewish community—both in Jerusalem and here. They yelled for his execution, but I found him guilty of no capital offense. Then he appealed to our Imperial Majesty, so I have agreed that he will be sent to Rome. Here is where I need your help. I can’t send a man to our emperor without a letter logically detailing the charges against him, but I have no idea what to write. So, King Agrippa, and all of you honored guests, I’m requesting your help in determining what to write in my letter to the emperor.

The Book of Acts, Chapter 25 (The Voice)

Today’s paired chapter of the Testaments is the 16th chapter of the book (scroll) of Isaiah that looks at Judgment against Moab and points to their idolatry, but also reveals hope in the coming King who is the Son:

A Refugee (to the Moabites): Bring tender lambs to the ruler of the land.

From Sela through the desert

to the beautiful mountain called Zion, maybe they’ll let us in.

And indeed like birds whose homes were demolished,

like baby birds torn from their nests,

Moab’s daughters, scattered and fluttering, arrive at the fords,

ready to cross the Arnon River.

(to Jerusalem) Give us your best advice and do what is right.

When the day is at its fiercest, hide us in your cool shade.

Shield the trammeled and abused.

Keep your mouth shut when our enemy comes looking, seeking us out.

Let these refugees of Moab come in and stay.

Protect these tempest-tossed; be their hiding place,

a shelter safe from the destroyer.

See, when the one who has squeezed and oppressed you is gone

and the forces of crushing violence wane in the land,

Then God will establish a royal throne, in loyal love—

the One who rules there will be utterly reliable,

With absolute integrity under the auspices of David.

With a passion for justice, He will be quick to decide and do what is right.

Oh yes, we’ve heard of Moab, how much they think of themselves—

so important, so valuable, so hot-tempered;

But we know it’s just idle boasts.

Let them bemoan their destruction and fall—every last one of them.

Go ahead, mourn, all you who were struck down;

Cry for the raisin cakes of Kir-hareseth.

The productive fields of Heshbon are withering in the heat;

the choice vines of Sibmah are decimated.

The rulers of the nations are wreaking havoc across the land,

crushing its grape clusters and leveling its old stout vines.

Moab’s tender shoots spread from Jazer to the desert,

then right down to the sea and even across it.

This is why I cry salty tears over Jazer,

over the vines of Sibmah and over the fields of Heshbon.

And God’s-Ascent, Elealeh, I weep for you—over your branches,

once so green and strong, now broken and brown with death.

No one rejoices anymore over your fruits and harvest.

What joy these fields and orchards brought, what pleasure and delight,

with their beauty, with their bounty.

But no more cheerful shouts accompany the harvest of the vineyards.

No one is left to press the grapes into wine.

I have silenced all your joyous shouting.

My heart hums like a harp with grief for you, Moab.

I ache with soul-sadness for Kir-hareseth.

When the people of Moab present themselves to their gods, when they weary themselves with frequent journeys to their high places, when they enter their sanctuary to pray, then they will find none of their gods are able to help them. This is the message the Eternal gave Isaiah earlier about Moab. But now He has another message.

Eternal One: In just three years—as a hired hand might count them—the power and prestige of Moab will come to an end. Its population will be killed and scattered; only a few, the poor and powerless, will survive the onslaught.

The Book of Isaiah, Chapter 16 (The Voice)

A note from The Voice Translation:

God’s answer to Moab’s plea for help is none other than the Messiah. One day David’s son will take the throne and rule with absolute justice.

A link to my personal reading of the Scriptures for Thursday, june 24 of 2021 with a paired chapter from each Testament of the Bible along with Today’s Proverbs and Psalms

A post by John Parsons that reveals our pure hope:

“Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you” (Psalm 73:25). Such is the “exile of hope” we suffer in this world... Torah begins: “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth, and the earth was “tohu va’vohu v'choshekh” (תהוּ וָבהוּ וְחשֶׁךְ) - "confusion and emptiness and darkness" - which the sages interpret to mean that when we truly understand that God created the heavens and the earth, we will realize our earthy desires to be barren, empty and unreal.

In their despair, Plato and the early Greek philosophers sought “timeless universals” which they believed disclosed the reality of an “upper world,” a heavenly realm of unchanging goodness, beauty, and truth. The world we experience with our senses is a shadowy place of change and decay; but the real world, discerned by clear thinking, is a place of permanence, goodness and illumination. Likewise the righteous soul trusts that despite this fleeting world (העולם הנעלם) that turns to dust, there is an eternal realm (התחום הנצחי), a place of abiding love, and a heavenly home.

The land of promise is a “foreign land” to this world, but the heart of faith beholds “the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God” (Heb. 11:10). “For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come” (Heb. 13:14). Therefore “we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen; for the things that are seen are transient (πρόσκαιρος), but the things that are unseen are eternal. For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens” (2 Cor. 4:18-5:1). In this world we suffer exile, groaning to be with our Savior, the Source of all blessing: “I say to the LORD, "You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you" (Psalm 16:2). [Hebrew for Christians]

and a set of posts about the sovereignty of our Creator:

Among other things, our Torah reading this week (i.e., Balak) teaches that God can (and does) turn curses into blessings (see Neh. 13:2). There are many instances given in Scripture. For example, Joseph was blessed despite the ill-will of his brothers: "You devised evil against me, but God devised it for good" (Gen. 50:20). Note that the same verb for “devised” (i.e., chashav: חשׁב) is used to describe both the evil intent of the brothers and the good intent of the Lord. This teaches us that God overrules the malice of men to effect his own good purposes, and therefore we can rightfully affirm gam zu l'tovah (גם זו לטובה), "this too is for good" (Rom. 8:28). Underlying the surface appearance of life (chayei sha'ah) is a deeper reality (chayei olam) that is ultimately real, abiding, and designed for God's redemptive love to be fully expressed. Resist the temptation, therefore, to judge by mere appearances. Forbid your troubles (or the troubles of this world) to darken the eye of faith. Do not unjustly judge God's purposes or try to understand His ways. As the story of Balaam shows, God makes even the wrath of man praise Him (see Psalm 76:10). "Then God opened Balaam's eyes, and he saw the Angel of the LORD (מלאך יהוה) standing in the way, with his drawn sword in his hand. And he bowed down..." (Num. 22:31). Indeed, every knee will bow to the LORD our God and Savior (Isa. 45:22-23; Phil. 2:10-11).

We find comfort that the schemes of the wicked are ultimately subject to the sovereign purposes of the LORD our God. "Ein od milvado" (אין עוד מלבדו) - there is no power that can be exercised apart from God’s consent and overarching will... Indeed all authority on heaven and earth belongs to Yeshua, the “the Ruler of the Kings of the earth” (עֶלְיוֹן לְמַלְכֵי־אָרֶץ). As it is written, “All the nations you have made shall come and worship before you, O Lord, and shall glorify your name” (Psalm 86:9). Amen. Hashevenu, Adonai... [Hebrew for Christians]

In this week's Torah portion (i.e., Balak) we read an ancient prophecy of the coming Messiah: “a Star shall come out of Jacob...” Amazingly, the “meshugenah” prophet Balaam – who may have been the forebear of the “magi of the east” (Matt. 2:1-2) – actually foresaw the advent of the Messiah: “I see him, but not now; I behold him, but not near: a Star shall come out of Jacob (כוכב מיעקב), and a Ruler shall rise out of Israel” (Num. 24:17). Balaam’s prophecy actually described the coming of the Messiah and his reign in two distinct aspects: “A Star from Jacob shall come" (literally, "shall lead the way," i.e., דרך), which refers to our Messiah’s first coming as the way of life (i.e., הדרך החיים, John 14:6), “and a Ruler shall arise (i.e., וקם שׁבט) from Israel,” refers to our Messiah’s second coming to establish the Kingdom of Zion upon the final redemption. [Hebrew for Christians]

6.23.21 • Facebook

Today’s message (Days of Praise) from the Institute for Creation Research

June 24, 2021

Prayer of the Whole Heart

“Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:12-13)

There are many promises and instances of answered prayer in the Bible. Unfortunately, many of us really don’t seem to believe them and therefore don’t experience the answers to our prayers. Halfhearted praying may sometimes secure partial answers, but God exhorts us to pray wholeheartedly. “The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much” (James 5:16).

The principle is timeless and is stressed often in the Word. “Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not” (Jeremiah 33:3). God’s resources are unlimited, but our motives must be pure, and our prayers must be from the heart. “Let him ask in faith, nothing wavering” (James 1:6). “Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts” (James 4:3).

In addition to right motives and genuine faith, there must be deep sincerity as we pray from the heart. “Men ought always to pray, and not to faint” said Jesus (Luke 18:1), who Himself found it necessary to pray long and earnestly. “Rising up a great while before day, he...departed into a solitary place, and there prayed” (Mark 1:35).

The early church followed His teaching and example, and saw His blessing. “These all continued with one accord in prayer and supplication” (Acts 1:14). “And they continued stedfastly...in prayers” (Acts 2:42). “We will give ourselves continually to prayer” (Acts 6:4). Consequently, “the word of God increased; and the number of the disciples multiplied in Jerusalem greatly” (Acts 6:7). God is honored when we search for Him and pray to Him with all our hearts. HMM

[sopewriters]

Superbia.

Seven Steps to Hell: The Seventh Step.

Series: Prologue | BamBam | Mark | Jackson | Youngjae | Yugyeom | Jaebum | Conclusion

Genre: Smut, honestly; 7 Cardinal Sins! AU

Word Count: 3.3K

Notes: Kinky shit happening. Slight D/S undertones, kind of dubious consent, erotic asphyxiation, among others. Don’t read this if you’re uncomfortable with anything I’ve just listed. Otherwise, please enjoy^^

Edit: Moodboard below submitted by @saf0607

“It was Pride that changed angels into devils…” 

- St. Augustine 

It’s finally time to face the last one, the darkest and most cynical of the Sins. You aren’t sure how well this will go, since you know that he’s the one who holds the most grievances—that his power stems through the rest of the Seven.

You dare to enter regardless, taking a deep breath as you approach a door that’s carved with runes. The ancient language is littered all over the entrance, incidentally drawn into concentric circles, as a protective measure. The rest of the Sins don’t have protection like this, which is what makes him so much more difficult to absolve.

You lay your palm against the center of the circle, breathing slowly as the symbols glow bright red for mere seconds, before the door swings open.

It’s time.

You walk inside the dimly lit room, projecting a calm that you certainly don’t feel. You know, more than anyone, how important it is that you preserve your image and appearance in front of this particular man, that you need to make sure he doesn’t see any weakness.

“Creator.” His voice, high and fair, cuts through the air, and you don’t let your expression flicker in the slightest as you turn to face him, taking in his regal features with a practiced eye.

He is prostate on the floor, arms twisted back and shackled to the floor in a painful arrangement; despite which he shows no such expression on his impassive face, which is carved to an imperial perfection.

You say nothing, knowing that this needs to be the first move in the game which you’ve stepped into. To acknowledge the man would only serve to tilt the odds in his favor.

If there is anything he would hate, it’d be to not be acknowledged. And that is what you aim to play at. Superbia is the deadliest of the sins, yes, hence why it is essential that you approach him with care and caution.

“What’s the matter?” His voice is dry, rough from a lack of use. He’s been here the longest of all of them, being the first to fall in the mortal realm, so it makes sense, really, that his voice is in a state of disuse.

“Too high and mighty to talk to me, Creator?”

You continue to ignore him, waving your hand so that a chair materializes in the corner—set so that you may observe him, but so he cannot do the same—and pull out an Old text, a story that you’ve particularly favored, about the fate of Civilization.

You can sense his frustration at being ignored so much, and while you would love to speak to him, you know that you can’t take the risk and let the pride run rampant, else the entire cycle could get jeopardized.

You take out the book, flipping to the page designated with a bookmark, mindful of your robes as you slump disinterestedly against the chair.

With each page, the silence grows more unbearable, even more so when you flip each page as obnoxiously as you can, the sound of paper tearing through the air.

“You are, aren’t you?” His voice is spiteful, which is to be expected, but he says after certainly isn’t, “Too good for the rest of us? That’s why you let us go to Earth every time, let us get killed fruitlessly for a crime we’ve never committed.”

You grit your teeth at the words, his voice grating on your nerves as you fight to remain ignorant to him.

“Oh, the High and Mighty Creator, revered by all for being Good and Virtuous, but for one tiny detail that everyone neglects.” His eyes, a deep violet, glint maliciously, “That you’ve condemned seven oh so poor souls to an eternity of misery, caused by your mistakes.”

Your grip grows tighter on the book, almost squeezing it beyond comprehension as he continues to spew unbearable words that dig deep.

“That’s right. It’s all your fault. It’s not ours, yet we’re suffering for it, while you get to prance around punishing us.” He growls out, and you taste a metallic flavor in your mouth—blood, from biting your lip so hard—as he spits out those vengeful words, “You like it, enjoy it, don’t you? You like having us agonize like this!”

“Jinyoung!” You snap out finally, breaking the rules but entirely too irate to care, “Watch what you say—”

“Why, in the name of Azazel, should I?” He yells back, straining uselessly against his bonds, though you can see fury dancing in his cold features, “You’ve suppressed us for so long that I ought to let you know about it!”

“Do you think I honestly do not know?” You demand, rising from your seat, book disappearing as it is dropped, “Do you not think that I recall every second of that dreadful mistake I made, the terrible desire to make the world balanced?”

“It doesn’t matter to me.” His voice is warm enough to freeze the entirety of the room, “Not when you can’t even fix your own mistakes.”

“Lucifer is unyielding.” You say firmly, “There is nothing that I may do about that. So I ask—no, demand—of you to simply keep the hope burning alive in your chest. The younger ones look up to you, Jinyoung, as do the elders, and do not forget that.”

“I don’t care.” Amethyst eyes flash in anger, as he flails some more, “Those idiots are worth nothing to me; they’re only a heavier burden on my shoulders. I only try so hard so that I don’t need to be in the presence of ingrates like them.”

“You don’t mean that.” You reason, even as your vision tints red, “Let go of your pride, for once, Jinyoung, and do what is right.”

“You’re asking me to let go of my pride?” He tilts his head back and laughs bitterly, the sound echoing around the chamber, “I am Pride! There’s nothing to be let go of!”

And herein lies the problem: Jinyoung has always been the most susceptible to his Sin, so is always the most difficult to absolve. You worry that, one day, you might run out of ways to do that but, for now, you must take him to task.

“I don’t want to do this the hard way.” You warn, “I am giving you one last chance to surrender your Sin, Jinyoung.”

It’s a useless sentiment, and you know it, even when he spits furiously at the ground near your feet, thankfully missing your person. Still, the disrespect cannot go unpunished and you sigh, trying to keep your frayed nerves under control.

“Very well.” You acquiesce, walking toward him, “I will do as you wish…though I really wish I didn’t have to.”

With a wave of your hand, the fabric clinging to his body begins to melt off, disappearing into the void. His eyes widen, as he clearly hasn’t expected this, but Jinyoung gives no other outward reaction to your move. You wouldn’t expect any less from him, of course: he is prideful, if nothing else.

“Do you think you’re above me?” You raise an eyebrow as you tower over him, forcing him to look up at you.

“Of course.” He hisses out, “I know I am above you. Just being in your presence alone is bothersome.”

“Is that so….” You drawl out, though a twinge of hurt sounds in your heart, before doing what you’ve never dared to do to Jinyoung before, pushing him down on his back with your foot.

As expected, his reaction is violent, though it does not come to fruition as the chains continue to hold him well.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” He snaps out, eyes blazing as he tries, and fails, to push you away, “Especially not with your feet!”

“Oh?” You raise an eyebrow, “And why shouldn’t I?”

“Because you’re disgusting.” He spits out the hurtful words, eyes a dark purple, “And clearly not worth an ounce of me.”

“Tell me, Jinyoung.” You change tactics, choosing not to respond to the verbal jibe, “You’ve always liked being on top of things, haven’t you? I wonder how you’ll react now, since what I’m about to do is…well, it’s very unexpected.”

“You’re forgetting something,” He sneers, kitten lips curling in disgust, “I still have eyes, Creator and…you’ve always been easy to read.”

“Is that so?” You hum thoughtfully, before snapping your fingers, resulting in a sharp intake of breath from the male, “How is this, then?”

There’s no answer, though you don’t expect one. Secured around his eyes is a satin cloth. You’ve made it so he cannot see, only hear and feel.

“Fuck. You.” He spits out, and you roll your eyes at how stubborn he is, since you know the job would be much easier if he were a little more cooperative. Well, you might as well have some fun while you do this, right?

“I plan to.” You smirk at his mouth, parted in surprise, as you sink to the ground so that you’re eye level with him, though he doesn’t know that.

You drag your hand gently through his silky black locks, smirking as he shudders with revulsion. You know Jinyoung usually wouldn’t mind, but right now, he’s under the complete influence of Superbia: and there’s no fighting it.

“Something wrong, Jinyoungie?” You question cheekily, smirking when he growls angrily, wrists undoubtedly getting chaffed from all his struggling, “I’d advise you to stop moving so much, so you don’t hurt yourself any more than you already have.”

“Shut up.” He snarls pathetically, mouth set in a frown, “I’ll do what I want!”

“That is adorable,” You confess, making his mouth part in silent surprise, “But, unfortunately, untrue. You see, Jinyoung, you can’t do what you want.”

Your mouth sets into a firm line. “You do what I want.”

“What—” He begins to say, but a flick to his exposed nipple has him shuddering in pleasure, undoubtedly sensitive there.

“What was that?” You ask, hands daring to further tweak the rosy buds, rolling them between your finger. He gasps and arches into your touch, biting his lip to prevent himself from making any more noise than he already has. You can see his face scrunched up in turmoil, and something in you crows with delight, because this is what’s necessary, and he’s falling right into the trap.

“D-Don’t touch me there, you filthy—!” He can’t even stutter out a complete sentence as his body is toyed with relentlessly, and you see that his member is hardening, slowly but surely.

“You’re already aroused for me?” You tease, seeing his cheeks heat in perhaps, anger or embarrassment, “I haven’t even touched you there!”

“N-Ngh, I don’t want your hands on me, you impertinent bitch!” He snaps out, and ouch, that is a painful blow to handle, but you have done it before, with him.

“Too bad,” You let your hands linger, brushing against his angry, leaking cock, “I thought you might have wanted to find your release.”

“Well, I don’t need help,” He hisses, biting his lip, “Especially from the likes of you.”

“Are you sure?” You thumb across his leaking slit, collecting drop of precome even as he groans, “I don’t mind leaving you like this…”

Hands ghosting along his cock, you bite your lip, gauging his reaction; you’re rewarded with a choked moan and wet lips opened wide in slack-jawed pleasure.

“You want me to touch your properly?” You press, applying a slightly firmer touch and rewarded with the bucking of his hips, “Do you, Jinyoung?”

“N-No,” He huffs out, though he cuts himself off with a louder moan at your insistent touches, skin flushing red, “O-Oh God.”

“You and Bammie seem to have similar interests.” You note in fascination, though you give an experimental squeeze, causing his breath to stutter, “So I’ll tell you exactly what I told him: God can’t hear you. Not down here.”

“F-Fuck you!” He glowers at being compared to someone else, someone that Pride deems unworthy of him, “Go to hell!”

“We’re already here.” You smile serenely as you take his cock in your hand, fondling it with hard, measured strokes, “So it’s a bit too late for that, Jinyoungie.”

“D-Don’t t-touch me!” He protests, though it begins to lack conviction, even to his own ears, “I-I h-hate you, damn it!”

“No, you don’t.” You tell him seriously, straddling his hips despite his complaints and, pulling your underwear aside, sink down onto him, “But, after this, you just might.”

A choked moan breaks through the air, as he twitches desperately, cock encased by your tight, inviting heat. Your core throbs with want, lubing his length with its juices in a parody of a caress; the two of you are joined, for a mere moment, before you lift yourself up and slam back down onto him, a mewl ripping from your throat.

“S-So tight!” His lips glisten as he cries brokenly into the dim light, and you don’t think much as you lean forward, planting yours against his. To his credit, he doesn’t reject you immediately, allowing you to coax his mouth into submission, letting you taste him and hesitantly doing the same back.

“D-Does it feel good?” You pant in exertion, rolling your hips against him in chase of that spike of pleasure, “Tell m-me, Jinyoung.”

“I-It does,” He whimpers, kitten lips still parted obediently from after you’ve leaned back, “P-Please!”

“What happened to your pride?” You challenge, breath stuttering when you angle your hips just right, and yes, it feels so good, “I-I thought you…you didn’t want me to fuck you?”

“I…” You can’t see his eyes, so you wave your hand, removing the blindfold, and are rewarded with the sight of his eyes flickering rapidly between purple and their normal, genteel brown, “D-Don’t…know…”

“Admit that you like it.” You tighten his bonds slightly, making his eyes widen and they look pretty like that, flitting rapidly, “You like being tied down, don’t you? Like it when you have no power, when you’re forced to lie on the ground that you say is beneath you?”

“Shut up!” His cheeks flush a pretty pink as he eyes you angrily, though it doesn’t hold much of an effect as you continue to gyrate against him, pleasure beginning to peak like you’ve been aching for, “N-No…”

“D-Deny all you want.” You tell him, thrusts getting sloppier the closer you make it to the towering white, waiting for the lust to bleed from your body, “But the truth always holds!”

Your vision begins to spin as your legs twitch, orgasm ricocheting in you as you throw your head back in bliss, still doing your best to continue your lewd movements, pulling tiny whimpers of pleasure from him, even as your eyes begin to readjust to the dim lighting.

“You want to come, don’t you?” You slip off him, smirking tiredly at his whine of loss, “Admit it.”

“I…I do.” He acquiesces, though his expression shutters, “I don’t need you to do it though.”

“You don’t?” You frown in mock disappointment, hand sliding smoothly up and down his shaft, your juices functioning as lube, “I think I know what you need.”

A low curl of excitement festers in your stomach as you straddle him, a move he clearly doesn’t expect going by his low moan. Amethyst eyes snap open in shock when he realizes that he can’t breathe, eyes watering as they meet yours, before landing on your delicate hands wrapped firmly around his throat.

“You like this?” You smile in amusement as you quickly release your hold, watching as he sputters for breath, hips rolling smoothly against his cock, so close, but never letting yourself sink onto his throbbing cock, “Like being this helpless?”

“No.” He insists, though his cheeks flush red, “It might be your interest, but not m-mine—”

He’s cut off when you press your hands back onto his throat, making his eyes flutter shut, dick twitching actively in interest, mouth parted lewdly for breath.

“I think I can make you come just like this.” You note in delight as he struggles to catch his breath again, “But, to think that someone so above everyone like you indulges in such…frivolous activities is certainly interesting.”

Knowing Jinyoung can’t possibly answer yet, you roll your eyes, hand coming to stroke him off, to help him reach his release.

“You want to come?” You ask again, for the umpteenth time as his hips follow your hand stutteringly, “Then I want you to beg.”

“Please,” He blurts out, tears dribbling from the corner of his eyes, “Please let me come!”

You only smile at him while furthering your pace, bringing him to the edge of release before you let go, at his disappointed moan, only to close your slick hands around his neck, squeezing lightly once, twice, thrice, before pressing down even harder.

“Look at you,” You drawl as impassively as you can, “Mouth going off about how you’re so above everyone else, yet here you are. You like being humiliated, you like it when you’re entirely helpless, aren’t you?”

His body twitches and his hands jerk furtively against their bonds as his eyes roll into the back of his head, and he cries out, painting his thighs white with his release. You let go of your hold on him only when he wheezes and, though you’ve been careful, you still worry a bit; the concern dissipates when his breathing calms, though his body still shutters through his release.

The chains disappear with a wave of your hand, and Jinyoung wastes no time diving into your arms, head burrowing into the crook of your neck, as he hiccups through his orgasm, tears wetting your collar bone.

“Are you alright?” You ask quietly, knowing Jinyoung’s the one in control again, that Superbia’s been driven out temporarily, and are rewarded with a small nod from the man, “Good.”

You stay like that for a little while, hand still running through his hair, until he’s recovered his wits about him enough to pull away from you and wipe himself clean the best he can.

“Y-You…” He croaks out, wincing at the pressure on his throat, but hurries to explain at your crestfallen expression (you didn’t realize it’ll hurt for him to speak now), “Got a lot more c-creative.”

“Thanks.” You smile softly, clothing him again easily, making him blink in surprise, before smiling fondly.

“S-Sorry for what I-I said.” He apologizes needlessly, because you know it wasn’t him in control, “D-Didn’t mean it.”

“Do not worry about it.” You assure him, helping him get to his feet after materializing your clothes, “I understand. Whenever you’re ready, you can go on ahead for rebirth.”

You motion to the door that appeared right after he was absolved, and he looks at it in understanding.

“Good luck, Jinyoung.” You wish sincerely, arms wrapping around his body in a gentle hug, rewarded with the warmth of his hands in return, “Take care of everyone for me.”

“I w-will.” He smiles sadly at you, eyes crinkling cutely in the corners as he nods, “And th-thank you.”

And, with that, you leave to the main hall, to take your leave from the place that’s tormented you, above all others. When you arrive, you take a deep breath, relaxing your mind, anticipating your warm chambers and comfortable bed, waiting to be whisked home…though nothing happens.

Your eyes fly open at the mad cackle that filters through the air, expression one of alarm.

“Lucifer,” You breathe shakily, as you realize you can’t leave, “What have you done?!”

Written By: Midnight :)

Seven Steps to Hell: The Conclusion.

[renegadeblog]

Monday Meet: Janielle Bryan

New Post Alert! From time to time, we will post blazing black activists making changes in the community. Meet our first one: Janielle Bryan who is a sexuality educator and the creator of The Sex Exchange.

What should someone know about you, the person, behind The Sex Exchange?

I’m an educator, writer, presenter, and content creator. I’m passionate about everyone having access to inclusive, comprehensive, and empowering sex education. I founded The Sex Exchange, because I wanted to create a space for people to talk about sexuality and center marginalized voices. Also, I’m an avid collector of useless facts and black t-shirts.

What made you interested in sexual/reproductive health?

My undergrad degree is in public health and when I graduated I planned on going into research. One of my first jobs was doing reproductive research for NYU in the Philadelphia area. I spent a lot of time looking at rates of STIs/STDs, HIV, and unplanned pregnancy in Philadelphia. After looking at the rates I realized that the numbers had been consistently high for years. I decided that I wanted to step away from research for a while and work in community education. I wanted to prevent the numbers from increasing instead of studying them.

How and why did you come up with “The Sex Exchange”?

I put together an event that I would want to attend myself. I have friends and colleagues with whom I speak with about sex very openly. Being a sex educator, I have met so many great people in this field that I wished more people were exposed to. Talking with them forces me to expand my thinking about sex and sexuality. It’s an uncomfortable, healthy, and necessary part of growth. I wanted to bring these conversations to a larger audience who could also benefit from them.

What can we expect in the next few months?

I’m excited to announce that out first event will be this October. Also, our website (thesexexchange.org) recently launched as well. These next few months will be spent focusing on our first event and collaboration. Subscribing to the newsletter, on the website, is the best way to stay updated on what’s up next.

What is/will be the message/theme of your upcoming event?

The first event will be about sexuality and POC. Often, we don’t think about how our race directly impacts how we view sexuality and ourselves as sexual beings. There’s a lack of collective sexual freedom in the black community and I know it’s the same in other communities. I know personally that there are challenges in being a sexually liberated black woman. There’s a lot of fear and anger surrounding sex in our history and we’ve been conditioned to avoid the topic. It can be difficult to learn and explore the subject when we’ve been taught otherwise. We still struggle to see sex as something that we can enjoy freely. The event gives POC the space and opportunity to explore the topic of sexuality and what it means to be sexually liberated.

What do you hope to accomplish with this brand?

I hope to put on events that teach and entertain people about sex. Secondly, I’m committed to bringing diversity and highlighting voices that are often overlooked or unrepresented.  I love the sex positivity movement, but it’s not without its flaws. My top grievances are the lack of diversity and that being sexually liberated has a very limited view. Society is saying it’s okay to liberated and own our sexuality, but only if it looks a certain way. If not you’re not “truly” liberated. There are still rules and guidelines. And if that’s the case it’s not liberation. Freedom shouldn’t come with restrictions.

Are you hoping that the brand travels outside of Philadelphia? Perhaps take the event on a national tour?

Of course! But all in due time. Right now, I would like work on putting together the best events possible in Philadelphia first and working out the kinks (no pun intended).

For those who attend your first event, what message/s do you hope that they leave with?

That they are always welcome in that space. Many of us feel every alone in our experiences, thoughts, and feelings concerning sexuality. There’s nothing new under the sun. If you have felt it or thought about it someone else has too. I want them to know that it’s an open, judgement free space.

Thank you so much for answering my questions! Renegades, make sure to check out her website and stay up to date on upcoming events. 

Monday Meet: Janielle Bryan was originally published on Renegade