#of imminently dying of a heart attack

[charmingpplincardigans]

An embarrassing post, but good this time???

Had my mid-point personal review convo with my boss today and like, on top of her being a good and supportive person in general, she also said some very nice things about my work and other people in positions above her noticing my work. Apparently people are noticing my empathy and bravery and whatnot? Apparently I have those things?? (Just kidding. I work really hard at those things.) Apparently she told my grandboss that I should be next in line of her direct reports for a leadership position???

And that’s fucking terrifying, because I don’t feel like a person who should be IN CHARGE OF OTHER PEOPLE. Have you met me? Have you met people? They have so many thoughts and opinions and feelings! What if I screw any of those up at any time?? What if I never get my ADHD under control and am then just a leader who is an unorganized disaster???

Anyway, we also had layoffs today, right on time after the latest merger, so I still have ambivalent feelings at best about the company at large. I’ve been here 16 years and have seen at least as many layoffs, which is insane. What’s more insane is that I’m still here. Which is hella complicated for me because I absolutely need a new job and to make more money to feel like I can get anywhere with the rest of my life, but it feels like now that I’ve been given space to grow and build skills to my interests people are finally noticing that I’m smart and thoughtful actually, which feels good?

Anyway, capitalism remains the worst. Can’t wait to move into a queer commune with all my friends and learn to cultivate strawberries or something.

[silvervioletvalentine]

-Heaven help a fool in love-

Pairing : oscar Piastri x fem OC Bee

Summary : in which Oscar is a certified , terrified , glorified simp for Bee . His teammate who scares the hell out of him.

Warnings - none? Bee is a little mean , mean girl vibes but mainly fluff . Just simp Oscar and bad ass Bee. - first time writing again in months so I’m just trying to get back into it, don’t really think this is any good but gotta start somewhere right? :))))))))

Oscar felt like he was going to be sick. His stomach tossing and turning , hands shaking and feeling like he was the epitome of that Eminem song . Knees weak , moms spaghetti and everything .

I mean, it couldn’t be very healthy for him to feel this way.

He panicked , eyes darting around the room , too scared to even look at the woman that was causing him all of these sickening emotions .

Was it possible to be going paler and redder at the same time? He touched the back of his fingers to his burning cheeks and fought back a wince , maybe he was dying .

Death by intimidation of the most beautiful (scary) woman he had ever seen in his life .

The anxious pit in his stomach had only been growing since he had been informed of just who would be his new teammate would be this year . Her name ringing like a siren in his head as he wondered if this was a dream come true or a nightmare coming to reality .

A dream in the fact of this was everything a guy like him could wish for , a successful , amazingly talented driver who already was on the road to becoming one of the best , joining him as his teammate .

And a nightmare in the way that this could not end well for him. He was so sure of it . Based on the very limited , few times he had already spoken to her in the past , he was going to humiliate himself and make her think that there was something wrong with him.

Not being able to mutter more than a mouthful of strained and stammered words to her like he was a fresh teenager talking to a girl for the first time ever.

Was it hot in this room? Oscar pulled at his tightening collar anxiously , sweating profusely. Or was he perhaps having a heart attack?

He accidentally glanced across the table and caught eyes with Bee , the woman causing his feelings of imminent death and swallowed hard.

Bee was so beautiful but just so intimidating to him. With dirty blonde hair and sharp green eyes, cheek bones that could cut his skin and lips that had no right looking the way they did ..as the kids these days say, her face card never ever declined .

And then there was her tattoos , a body of art everywhere . Covering her arms , her legs , her stomach and chest . Every part of her skin that he caught a glimpse of was like a work of literal art for him to gaze at . And then there was the glittering piercings too, on her nose , her eyebrow , ears covered in diamonds and hoops .

She was a dream.

A beautiful dream but then she opened her mouth and Oscar was like a teenage boy all over again.

Because Bee was loud and rude and quite frankly mean. Judgemental and not afraid to express her opinion , she had gathered quite the reputation for herself . The complete opposite of Oscar’s quite and mellow personality , she was wild and free .

And it scared him because how was he supposed to mount up to anything in her eyes? He knew that she must of thought of him as some meek weirdo who couldn’t even look her in the eye for more than a second at a time without stammering like a little kid. But he just couldn’t help it.

He was mesmerised by all that she was . But he was also terrified of her too because he had seen how mean and how quick to anger she could be and he did not want to be on the wrong side of her , ever . No thank you.

They couldn’t have been more different and it upset him because he wanted her to like him , so badly .

But then he thought about how that one time she had asked him what he did on their break and he had quietly told her that he had just stayed at home , enjoying the peace and quite .

To which she had paused , nodded and casually told him that she had jumped out of a plane for fun. And that was the end of that conversation because what else could he have even said that a meek “cool.”

He must have seemed so lame to Bee and it made all of these nauseating feelings even worse.

I mean for gods sake , why couldn’t he have gotten a crush on someone a little less likely to kill him if he even so much as stepped out of line?

A loud clearing of a throat snapped him out of his panicking and in a daze he noticed that the room was already clearing out , eyes widening in shock at how long he had dissociated in panic for.

Then his heart dropped even further in his stomach as he turned his head to see who was wanting his attention , only to see Bee’s expectant eyes sharpening at him.

“Oh.” He breathed out in shock “hi.” He barely hid the grimace at how Pathetic he sounded then. Swallowing and shoving his trembling hands into his hoodie pocket .

Bee nodded at him a little skeptically , still eyeing him like there was something wrong with him.

“Hey. Are you okay? You looked a little spaced out there . Everything good?” She wondered , eyeing his red cheeks with a slight frown.

She wondered why he acted this way around her . From what she had seen, Oscar was always calm and friendly with the other drivers but to her he was always a little …stiff . Withdrawn, almost scared?

She tried to think back to remember if she had ever done or said anything to the Australian that could have him shaking in his trainers like he was. But nothing came to mind .

Her frown deepened , unaware that her curious frown looked more like a glare to poor Oscar .

He exhaled sharply , nodding his head too quickly .

“Yeah! Yeah. So good, just a little tired.” He said. Just wishing he could be cool around her for once.

But she looked so god damn pretty and her Spanish accent was thick from being home over the holidays as she spoke back to him casually like they were friends , making his heart jump in his chest.

“You need to get good sleep. I don’t want a tired teammate , too restless to help me out on the track.” She tried to tease him, to lighten him up a bit.

But Oscar took her words seriously , nodding his head with a heartfelt look on his face .

“I will always help you out.” He promised sincerely .

Bee paused , caught of guard. Then let out a slightly awkward laugh , nodding her head .

A little weird, she hummed in amusement , but also very cute. She grinned as she looked back at him .

“That’s very sweet.” She replied then asked him “speaking of helping me out , do you have a car?”

Oscar rose a brow at her “yes? Why?” He wondered at the sudden question . So random and abrupt .

She gave him a little smile , Tilting her head to be more appealing to get what she wanted. Oblivious to the fact that she only had to blink and Oscar would give her his kidney if she wanted it.

He was down bad. So , so freaking bad. It was disgusting really .

“My car doesn’t arrive till tomorrow night and I need to get to track . You have two cars right? One from team too?” She said.

It made him feel giddy that she had clearly kept some type of tabs on him to know that, so giddy in fact that he failed to mention that one car was back in Australia.

He only had one right now. The mclaren the team had given him. The same one she would be getting tomorrow night as well.

“Yeah.” He doesn’t even think about his next words , blurting them out loudly “you can have my car.”

She blinked at him in shock “yeah? You don’t mind? I know it’s a lot to ask-“

Oscar quickly shakes his head , smiling at her. “No! No. It’s fine. It’s only for tomorrow, you can have it.” Internally panicking as he realised just what he had said. But he couldn’t take it back now, not when she was smiling at him like he was her saviour.

She then reached out and grabbed him into a quick hug , laughing happily while he stood stock still in shock. Glowing red and heart palpating , feeling like he was in a dream.

“Thanks Oscar! I owe you one . You can ride mine anytime you want.” She tells him with a wink as she pulls away.

“See you tomorrow!” She leaves him standing there with wide eyes and red cheeks.

Hand pressed to his chest, eyes closed tight in disbelief .

“Shit.” He breathed out grimacing to himself as he realised that he had no ride to the track either now since he had just given his only car away.

Bee felt herself frown in disbelief as she drove down the road and spotted a familiar man in walking on the sidewalk alone , blowing the horn at him loudly and watching Oscar jump out of his skin.

His head snapping over to her in shock, giving her a sheepish grin when she glared back at him in absolute disbelief .

“What are you doing? Why are you walking? Where is your other car?” She throws the questions at him quickly as she pulls over to a stop in front of him.

Oscar paused , then mumbled quietly, embarrassed “Australia.” Peeking up after a minute of silence to see Bee gaping at him like he had lost his damn mind.

She spluttered loudly “what the fuck? Then why did you give me your car?!” She almost shouts , wondering what the hell was wrong with him. Who did that?!

He shrugged weakly “you needed it?” It comes out more of a question as he meekly gives her a smile as if to calm her down. Wondering why she looked so angry at him now.

She didn’t know what to feel other than frustration and confusion , wondering if he was so scared of her that he felt intimidated to give her his damn car! What the hell?

“So do you obviously!” She shot back while getting out of the drivers seat and rounding the car , opening the door for him to get into the passengers seat.

She stood like a disapproving parent , hand on top of the door as she scolded at him “get in Oscar!” She demanded while pointing her finger to the seat sternly.

And like the good guy he was, he quickly scurried to get in. Bee slamming the door behind him and getting back behind the wheel.

It was quite for a moment as she continued to drive , side eyeing him with a scowl on her pretty face while Oscar sat, blushing , beside her quietly.

She was concerned “are you being bullied?” She wondered out loud . Because what else could make someone think they had to give her their car just because she wanted it?

Oscar looked at her in shock “no! What?” He looked equally as confused as her now.

She frowned at him “then why so easy to give? Are you scared of me?” She then asked him wanting to figure this out .

Oscar wanted to die “no. God. No.” Yes. Very scared actually but not of her but scared of the way she made him feel.

It was stupid , he felt stupid and it was all her fault.

He looked back at her with a offended frown “you’re not scary.” He lied.

She scoffed , then jerked the wheel sharply making him let out a girly scream.

She snickered meanly “sure. Don’t lie next time otherwise I break your fingers.” She let him know calmly .

Oscar swallowed dryly at her threat having a feeling she wasn’t joking either .

“I didn’t - I didn’t exactly lie.” He tried to justify himself nervously “just emitted a little fact is all.” He muttered

Bee just rolled her eyes “you’re too cute to be this stupid.” She told him casually like she wasn’t flipping his whole world upside down with a single comment .

Oscar just looked at her in shock . Cute? She thought he was cute? He inhaled deeply , biting back a giddy grin.

“Thanks.” He stupidly replied instead . In a daze from being called cute.

He misses the way she rolls her eyes again, fondly shaking her head at him.

Definitely something wrong with him. She thought.

After that it became a habit of his to do everything for Bee, even when she didn’t need it or even asked him to do so.

He made sure no one bothered her before each race so she could get into the zone , making sure that she always had a sugary candy to eat as soon as she got out the car.

He made sure that she always had water on hand , he had elastic ties around his wrist to tie back her hair for her when she was sweaty.

Casually sitting behind her while she talked to lando about something , gathering her hair into his hands, Bee not even blinking or pausing in conversation as Oscar tried to braid if for her. Having watched some YouTube videos on doing hair for her.

Ignoring the flabbgasted look lando was giving him, he preened at the affectionate tap to the thigh she gave him when he was done . Feeling more of a rush from her simple touch than he did after a race, it was electrifying .

He stood in front of the beaming sunlight as soon as he noticed the way Bee began to squint as it stung her eyes , positioning himself so that she was shaded instead . He smiled to himself as she handed him her bag to hold while she got out her phone from her pocket , chatting casually to him.

He hooked her glittery bag onto his shoulder , unbothered by the looks he was getting from everyone else .

“I mean can you believe that bitch? Calling me trash when she looked like she had murdered Elmo and worn him for lunch? I mean- she had that much filler in her face that she could barely even blink!” She ranted to him bitchily like she usually did whenever someone annoyed her after learning that Oscar loved hearing her gossip and bitching.

Oscar nodded his head along in agreement , grinning in amusement at how mean she was . “She sure could cry though , Botox couldn’t stop the wailing.” He commented .

Bee just shrugged , unfazed . “She had it coming talking to me like that.” She replied.

“You could make even the coldest person cry.” He said impressed. Then he held out her little mirror in front of her for her while she reapplied her lipstick , quietly admiring her some more as she did so

Lando couldn’t take it anymore. After watching him put food in a designer lunchbox for Bee , hand washing her car for her and then asking him if he thought she would like a rag doll cat for her birthday. He couldn’t keep it in any longer .

“Did you drop the soap around her or something mate? Is that how you became her little bitch?” He joked. Laughing hysterically as he watched Oscar’s cheek immediately blaze with heat.

Oscar glared at him despite the embarrassment clearly on his face .

“I am not her bitch!” He denied weakly. He definitely was a little bit . “I’m just being nice. Like a good teammate.” He added as an after thought , another weak excuse .

Lando just snorted at him “you never brought me lunch or hand washed my car.” He said amused.

Oscar doesn’t miss a beat “that’s cause I don’t like you.” He snapped back at him defensively .

Lando smirked triumphantly “so you like her then?”

Oscar paused at his mistake , blinking wide eyes as he quickly tried to back peddle . “I don’t like her!”

“So you hate her?” He teased him. Trying to get him to admit what they all already knew.

“No!”

“So you do like her?”

“No!”

Lando tilted his head mockingly “so what do you think of her then? I think you’ve got a little crush Oscar. I think that you think she’s really pretty and you want to bang her-“

Oscar gasped loudly at him , face bright red “Lando! Shut up! I don’t have a crush on her! Jesus! What are you? Ten?” He hissed back at him , mortified .

Lando just giggled loudly at his reaction “you are so red!” He grinned at him amused “you like her soooo much-“

Oscar nearly jumped out of his skin when a voice piped up behind him, making his stomach sink as he watched lando smirk mischievously at him. Ever the shit stirrer .

“Who do you like? Do you have a crush Oscar?” Bee was frowning at him, not liking what she was hearing at all . The cute little guy that followed her around and did everything she asked was looking elsewhere? she didn’t like that thought at all.

Oscar looked back at her, saw her frown and frowned too. Because why was she frowning? He almost felt offended , assuming the worst.

Did she think that he was so Pathetic that a girl couldn’t possibly like him? That he couldn’t have a crush because he was so weird?

He frowned back at her even harder then , still defensive from Landos teasing.

“No I don’t! But so what if I did? Am I not allowed to have a crush?!” He exclaimed annoyed at the both of them now.

Lando just laughed while Bee just looked at him like he had lost his mind.

“Who?” She wanted to know, blunt and not giving a shit how demanding she seemed. “Who is the stupid girl that has you like this?” She felt her blood pressure rise.

Because In her mind Oscar was already hers. They hung out together , he did everything for her. She was pretty and hot and why wouldn’t Oscar want her? Surely there couldn’t be anyone better than her?

She scoffed bitterly .

Oscars eyes were wide and he looked terrified , face pale and cheeks a dark red. He gaped at her angry face , looking at him like he had somehow betrayed her.

“I don’t like anyone! Lando was just kidding weren’t you lando?” He hissed at the stupid Brit that had started all this in the first place , who was looking for too entertained for his liking.

Lando looked at his panicked face then at Bee’s angry one and laughed loudly . “Sure I was. And anyway , Oscar likes scary women. Don’t you buddy?” He patted him on the shoulder before leaving him to deal with the aftermath on his own, even giving him a wink as he went.

Bee frowned then tilted her head, brain ticking as she took in landos sly comment.

Huh. She relaxed a little then, maybe she was the stupid girl.

“Oscar?” She voiced.

He swallowed thickly “yeah?”

“I’m hungry.” She simply said looking pointedly at the lunch box in his hand.

“What are we having today?” She asked him taking him by the hand and leading him over to the table to eat.

He inhaled sharply , squeezing the palm of her hand three times. “Quiche and yoghurt . It’s strawberry and vanilla and -“ he suddenly frowned at her worriedly “you’re not like , allergic to yogurt are you? Or cheese? Cause I’m not trying to kill you or anything! I’ve never even asked you if you’re allergic to anything . Are you? That’s so stupid and careless of me-“

Before he could continue on his panicked tangent , Bee quickly cut him off.

Letting of a fond little giggle , she nudged his shoulder with hers in amusement . “The only thing I’m allergic to is bullshit Oscar.” She gave him a pointed look.

He just nodded quietly .

Then “Bee?” He spoke up timidly handing her the yoghurt to eat after watching her devour the food.

She just hummed , handing him her orange juice to take a sip of in return.

“Are you- do you have a boyfriend?” He manages to spit out meekly.

Bee hid her giddy smirk in her spoon, simply shaking her head no. “Very single. Could be persuaded not to be though.” She let him know , side eyeing him teasingly .

Oscar went red. Looked down at the table and nodded his again. “Ah okay. Cool.” Was all he muttered.

Another minute went by then Bee side eyed him again , watching him play shyly with his fingers while he waited for her to finish eating.

“Are you? Single?” She asked him . He better be, she thought darkly . This cute boy was hers.

Oscar startled , looking at her like a deer in headlights. Then he rapidly nodded his head. “Very.”

“Good.” Was all she replied.

He nodded too.

Good .

Cool.

They said nothing else on the matter. But Oscar’s hopes soared.

It kept going on like that for a while , Bee calling him cute and pretty and adorable and Oscar running after her like ‘a certified pathetic simp’ as lando likes to say. And it was going well in Oscar’s opinion , he got a little less shy and a lot more comfortable around her . A lot less scared.

And maybe that’s why he felt so comfortable agreeing to drink with her after a particularly good race . Allowing her to convince him to eat cake and drink champagne ,

Oscar found himself absolutely shitfaced on her couch. Very quickly reminded of why he didn’t drink , he was such a lightweight.

Which was how he found himself gazing at a equally as drunk Bee next to him on the coach, gazing at her like she had hung the moon in his sky.

His filter was gone and heart was on his drunken sleeve and he played with her soft hair in adoration.

“You’re so pretty. Like- like a plane.” He slurred to her.

Bee giggled quietly , nudging her head against his shoulder as she peered up at him with glassy eyes full of amusement . “Like a plane?”

Oscar nodded seriously “yeah but like the kind of plane people think are planes but then they blink and it’s the prettiest star in the sky. Not a plane.” He rambled to her passionately “you have such nice skin too.” He added as an after thought .

Bee was a giggling mess. “I think you’re really pretty too. I like your nose.” She whispered with a grin before planting a kiss on said nose affectionately.

He blushed , dazed. “Thank. I want to marry you.” He then blurted out without any grace , grinning drunkenly down at her like a sappy fool .

Bee laughed loudly in shock , looking up at him with a tipsy grin on her face. “Oh yeah? But you can barely even speak to me sober! How at you gonna marry me?” She teased him .

Oscar sniffled , serious when it came to how he felt about her , drunk or not .

“I’ve been working on it. I like doing things for you and seeing you smile. I like that you call me just to bitch about a bitch.” He replied honestly .

Bee felt her face soften as she saw the pure dedication on his face , all for her. She gently grabbed his face in her hand, stroking his red cheek with her thumb softly.

“You got a crush on me?” She whispered teasingly. Nudging her nose with his.

Oscar Just smiled and gently shook his head . “No. Much more than that.” He whispered back.

Bee smiled softly “yeah? You like me then?”

He laughed quietly and kissed the corner of her mouth gently , lingering there before pulling back just a little to see her eyes flutter closed.

“I love you.” He simply told her , drunk on champagne and his buzzy Bee. “So much it makes me silly. And I gave you my car even though I didn’t have another one and I want to hold your bag for you forever , and I want to make you lunch and kiss your face..” he whispered to her , blinking dazedly as the alcohol finally caught up to him.

He pulled the blanket further around their bodies , feeling her trembling breath on his lips as she looked at him with tears in her eyes. Knowing that he meant it too.

“I want you to be my girl.” He yawned.

She gently ran her fingers through his hair and laid down on the couch , letting him place his head on her chest tiredly as he snuggled up to her , intertwining their legs together .

“If you still feel this way in the morning , I will be.”

Too tired to speak anymore , he just linked his pinky finger with hers, a silent promise , and tucked his face further onto her neck . Letting her pull him close as he drifted off to sleep .

Oscar woke with a pounding head and a churning stomach , but he froze up as soon as he felt soft fingers in his hair. Sheepishly peering up at Bee’s amused face as she looked down at her with a tired smile on her face too.

“Morning sleepyhead. Sleep good?” She yawned. Tugging him closer to her , making his heart skip a beat.

Oscar nodded sheepishly then hesitantly cleared his throat as he remembered last night . Fidgeting with the strap of her top , he bit down on his bottom lip nervously as he wondered how to go about this.

“Bee?” He murmured shyly against her chest as he peered up at her through his lashes , letting out a content sigh at the feeling of her nails scratching lightly at his scalp , lulling him into calmness .

She smiled down at him knowingly “yeah?”

He hesitated for a moment , then muttered quietly “I’m not a forgetful morning after drunk.”

Bee just giggled “really? So you want to marry me then? Kiss my face forever?” She teased him softly.

Oscar just nodded, laughing sheepishly . “Yeah. I want to- I want you to be mine. My girlfriend. If you want that too.” He rambled anxiously “if you don’t want them that’s fine obviously -“

Bee giggled and quickly stopped him there “you want to date me?”

He nodded rapidly “so bad.”

She just smiled happily and casually muttered “okay.”

“Okay?” He repeated in disbelief .

She laughed in amusement “yup.”

He gaped at her , eyes wide and dazed “that easy? No fight? No negotiations?” He spluttered in disbelief .

She laughed loudly at him then “I love you Oscar okay? I want to be with you too , so yes it’s that easy.” She told him firmly . Easily . Simply.

Oscar felt like he was slipping into shock. “Cool.” Was all he could get out “I mean- I love you too. Yeah - this is awesome.” He grinned down at her happily . Overwhelmed with his love for her.

“Kiss?” He shyly asked while gently cupping her cheek in his hand , wide eyes gazing into hers , feeling like he was in a dream.

Bee just giggled before closing the gap and finally kissing him . Feeling the relieved breath he let out against her mouth as he finally relaxed against her , humming against her lips contently .

“Love you.” He mumbled into the kiss while smiling like a fool in love . “Love you so much.”

“I love you too.” She giggled as they continued to make out like teenagers on her couch.

Becoming teammates was the best thing they had ever done .

Lando was going to be the smuggest bastard ever when he found out that he was right .

[dragoneyes618]

The expression "like lambs to the slaughter" is taken from a verse in Psalms (44:23; see also Isaiah 53:7) in which the psalmist describes Jews dying for God's sake, and beseeches God not to hide His face from the Jews' affliction. These very words had been cited years earlier, when poet Abba Kovner called on his fellow Vilna Jews to revolt: "We will not be led like sheep to the slaughter....Brothers! It is better to die fighting like free men than to live at the mercy of the murderers. Arise! Arise [and fight] with your last breath!" (January 1, 1942).

While a significant number of Jews did rebel, there are several reasons why the overwhelming majority did not. The most important reason is that almost no Jews had weapons, and arms and legs are of little utility against machine guns and an organized army. (Indeed, while most American Jews support gun-control laws, the few Jews I know who oppose them invariably argue that had European Jewry been armed, many more Jews might have survived.) Few people realize that because of their lack of arms, almost none of the several million prisoners taken by the Germans fought back, including several million Russian soldiers, a large percentage of whom died in Nazi camps.

There was also a moral reason for the relatively low number of revolts: The Jews knew that other Jews would be the ultimate victims of any act of rebellion, even a successful one: The Germans would murder them in retaliation. A prominent Jewish philosopher has articulated the moral dilemma that would-be resisters confronted:

"Was it morally right to kill an SS officer if, as a consequence, hundreds and even thousands of men, women, and children would perish immediately?" - Eliezer Berkovitz (1910-1993), Faith After the Holocaust, page 30

In one notable case, Jewish fighters attacked a German police detachment in the old Jewish quarter of Amsterdam; the German response was terrible:

"Four hundred and thirty Jews were arrested in reprisal and they were literally tortured to death, first in Buchenwald and then in the Austrian camp of Mauthausen. For months on end they died a thousand deaths, and every single one of them would have envied his brethren in Auschwitz, and even in Riga and Minsk. There exist many things considerably worse than death, and the SS saw to it that none of them was ever very far from their victims' minds and imagination."

- K Shabbetai, As Sheep to the Slaughter? The Myth of Cowardice. The survivors' sensitivity to charges of cowardice is underscored by the fact that Shabbetai's book was published by the World Federation of Bergen-Belsen Survivors' Association.

Yet many instances of Jewish resistance did still occur, the most famous in the Warsaw Ghetto:

"The dream of my life has become true. Jewish self-defense in the Warsaw Ghetto has become a fact. Jewish armed resistance and retaliation have become a reality. I have been witness to the magnificent heroic struggle of the Jewish fighters."

- Mordechai Anielewicz, April 23, 1943, four days after the outbreak of the Warsaw Ghetto revolt, in a note to Yitzchak Zuckerman, a unit commander in the revolt

Only twenty-four years old when he helped organize the Warsaw Ghetto revolt, Anielewicz realized that the Germans intended to deport and murder every remaining Jew in Warsaw. The revilt was triggered by word that yet another Nazi deportation was imminent.

The Warsaw Ghetto fighters held out for about a month, longer than the Polish army withstood the 1939 Nazi invasion.

Yitzchak Zuckerman, the heroic unit commander to whom Anielewicz addressed the above note, was among the few Warsaw Ghetto fighters who survived the war. Some forty years later, he was interviewed by Claude Lanzmann for the movie Shoah:

"I began drinking after the war. It was very difficult....You asked my impression. If you could lick my heart, it would poison you."

Despite the Warsaw Ghetto revolt and other acts of resistance, during the 1961 Eichmann trial it became fashionable among some Jews and non-Jews alike to express shock and a certain contempt for those Jews who "failed to resist." Elie Wiesel responded:

"The Talmud teaches man never to judge his friend until he has been in his place. But, for the world, the Jews are not friends. They have never been. Because they had no friends they are dead. So learn to be silent."

- Elie Wiesel, "A Plea for the Dead"

- Jewish Wisdom, Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, pages 532-535

[melxhunter]

A WARRIOR’S VOYAGE

"With the sins of the sun and the sadness in the sky, you shall wonder why the universe never loved you back."

— In a world overrun by the corrupt and mad, driven by lust, greed, egoism, desire and obsessionalism, having a sweet and innocent nature always ends with death. Being honorable and having a strong moral compass is viewed as something ethereal one can only dream of.

That being said, her chances were slim. But she wasn't going to let that stop her.

It was winning or dying.

And Fiyona Mormont was not ready to die.

SCROLL DOWN FOR MORE…

HOUSE MORMONT of Bear Island is a vassal House which holds fealty to House Stark of Winterfell, to the Warden of the North. They had always been a small House – it was no secret. But somehow, that alone just made them even prouder.

It didn't matter how many overlooked the island's inhabitants and failed to see the whole picture. For even if most didn't fully realize it, House Mormont was fearsome enemies but also excellent allies. Even if they indeed are a very small house.

Their ancestral home of Bear Island is an island far to the northwest of Winterfell, its location and densely forested areas with a large bear population the main reasons to why it's the home to mostly woodsmen, crofters and fisherfolk. Despite that, Bear Island was one of the places within the Seven Kingdoms known for their skilled warriors. Known for how impeccable they were at sword fighting.

Not only that, but Bear Island was also one of the few subcultures within Westeros with an tradition of female fighters. You see, over the age of time, there had always been dangers of imminent attack from ironborn raiding ships while the men were out at sea which eventually led to the women of Bear Island being expected to defend their homes from attacks. Sometimes it even was attacks from wildings who avoided the wall completely by using boats to cross the bay from the Frozen Shore.

Thus people who hail from Bear Island are mostly strong, hardy, loyal and deep down compassionate and kindhearted. When they know what needs to be done, they don't hesitate to take action.

Fiyona Mormont was no exception. The young she-bear was taught to be a warrior from an early age, and she had always known the true horrors of the world, known about the monsters hiding in the shadows since the early stages of her youth.

Fiyona was no stranger to death either, for she had watched the life leave disappear from the animals which she hunted, even watched the life slip away from her father's eyes. It was horrible, but she knew it was a part of the harsh world she lived in.

Nothing could ever change it. It was the way it was, the way it always had been and always would remain.

What Fiyona was a stranger to, however, was love. Not the kind of love you receive from your mother, a sibling or a dear friend. No, Fiyona was a stranger to the kind of ethereal love which exists between two souls. Between two hearts which ignites in such a heated flame whenever they're near one another.

Not even in her life as Mia Nordin had she ever experienced it... not that she remembered that life...yet.

As the Seven Kingdoms seemed to hold its breath while preparing itself for yet another war, completely amid the world where greed and power reign supreme, Fiyona's life collides with a another's...under arranged circumstances.

Thus began the story of Fiyona Mormont and Robb Stark. Two young humans who would change the course of the game itself.

The future Warden of the North and the former heiress of Bear Island.

The Young Wolf and the She-Wolf.

The King and Queen in the North.

As brave as the dusk & as fierce as the storm.

Fiyona Mormont's tale is filled with broken pieces, terrible choices, betrayals and ugly truths. In spite of those parts indeed being heavy and literally true, they are nevertheless misleading. For the tale is also filled with happiness, heroism, love, humanity, kindness and peace in her soul.

It's an entangled tale in which a black bear is forced to run with the wolves only discover she was one of them all along.

A tale of the wild wolves and the black bear.

Interested to read more? Then check out the story A Warrior’s Voyage on my wattpad profile melxhunter!!

[bracketsoffear]

Funeral Girl (Emma K. Ohland) "Sixteen-year-old Georgia Richter feels conflicted about the funeral home her parents run--especially because she has the ability to summon ghosts. With one touch of any body that passes through Richter Funeral Home, she can awaken the spirit of the departed. With one more touch, she makes the spirit disappear, to a fate that remains mysterious to Georgia. To cope with her deep anxiety about death, she does her best to fulfill the final wishes of the deceased whose ghosts she briefly revives.

Then her classmate Milo's body arrives at Richter--and his spirit wants help with unfinished business, forcing Georgia to reckon with her relationship to grief and mortality."

Antsy Does Time (Neal Shusterman) "Fueled by friendship and sympathy, Antsy Bonano signs a month of his life over to his dying classmate Gunnar Umlaut. Soon everyone at school follows suit, giving new meaning to the idea of living on borrowed time. But does Gunnar really have six months to live, or is news of his imminent death greatly exaggerated? When his father suffers a heart attack after donating two years to Gunnar, Antsy wonders if he has tempted fate by playing God…"

[foolofatook001]

Ren feels his Q— the Shadow Lady’s presence before he sees her; there’s an aura of dread that precedes her and draws his attention. He frantically signals BigB to prepare for an incursion; hates the way his heart still leaps when he actually catches sight of her. He gets himself in a good defensive position, perched up on the roof. His bow is held loosely in his hand, not yet drawn; he doesn’t want her taking it as a threat, though he knows the odds of this encounter not ending in violence are low. BigB takes the position in front of the door, his sword out and ready. 

The first thing the Shadow Lady does is compliment Ren’s defenses, and all he can think is But they weren’t good enough. He doesn’t know if he means to keep her out or to keep her safe. Her voice is soft, friendly, and it frightens him— why does she still sound the same as she always did?

“I think you know why I’m here,” she says, and he dips his head in acknowledgement. The heady scent of vengeance is in the air, just as strong as the dread the Shadow Lady brought with her, and a part of him thinks he probably deserves it. The other part of him grits his teeth and swears he will fight until his last breath, because he wants to win.

And then she says, “But not you, Ren,” and he nearly loses his grip on his bow, and she says, “You were a loyal knight to me,” and he cannot breathe. 

His Queen has always been merciless, so why is she showing him mercy now? He drove her out of her own court, forswore his fealty, and she calls him loyal.

While he’s having this crisis, his Queen has turned her red-eyed gaze on BigB. “But you,” she says, and Ren should be drawing his bow, he should be preparing for the attack that he knows is imminent. 

And yet, he cannot bring himself to do it. He wants to move, he wants to help BigB— his ally, his brother in arms— but he swore. He swore he’d never lift a weapon against her and for all his faults Ren is a man of his word. 

Until the end of the server, he’d promised. And the server has not ended. 

Later, when he thinks back on it, he knows his Queen was even more merciful than she could have been. She still holds his name— even the rules of the game separating reds from the rest cannot override that pact. She could have made Ren kill BigB himself, letting him suffer the same fate of dying at the hands of an ally that had first set the Fairy Fort on the path to ruin. But she did not, and though Ren knows it was probably only his Queen’s red bloodlust, he is still grateful. 

And now he is alone in the Shadow Keep.

[theolivebird]

When I fainted in the wee hours that morning, I told my husband, "I want to go to the hospital." Now, you see, it wasn't easy for me to come to that conclusion, for I was as obstinate as a mule. For days, I battled with the virus with spare servings of paracetamol. "All I need is rest," I thought.

When we got to urgent care, my heart was quickly seen. In no time, the ecg sketched a pattern of my heartbeat. I looked at the nurse quizzically and asked, "Why is this necessary? Is it because I fainted?" She nodded her head and left me in bed.

Quite strangely, there was no queue, so I was whisked to the doctor's room. She asked if I had experienced chest pains as my ecg readings showed a heart attack or an imminent one. A heart attack? Me?

I'm 34 years old, slim, and fairly healthy. I don't drink or smoke. I am fairly even-tempered. I sleep early. Even if I don't exercise, I do walk a lot. A heart attack? Me?

The doctor agreed that it's odd given my clean history and whatnot. But she did put in a referral to the cardiologist and insisted that I get a second look. I said, "Yeah, I better not take the risk. I am a mother of two."

So, rage, rage against the dying of the good night for no-one is promised tomorrow's light.

[archon-maenad]

calling behemoth hero-killer feels like a diminishment of his deeds, with the epithet applicable to every other endbringer.

leviathan's title is also shallow in retrospect. they couldn't have known it at the time, but he should have been called the country-killer.

meanwhile, the simurgh... well. the simurgh, if nothing else, lives up to the designation of hope-killer.

I'd argue that earth bet was a world without hope before she came along. but there is a difference between hope dying slowly, fading day-by-day, and hope being killed.

behee and levi were doing the former, squeezing the life out of civilization one attack at a time. but simmy was pervasive, insidious, she turned heroes into monsters and made weapons out of innocents. where before the psychological damage was an effect of the harm done physically, the hope-killer struck at soul and mind and heart before anything else.

behee and levi left aftershocks that rippled through countries, attacks unable to be fully recovered from, but simmy's attacks never stopped. there was no rest period from her bombs, just an unending parade of tragedy.

the simurgh, unlike her siblings, wasn't content to let hope on earth bet slowly die. no, she killed it. she left safety and trust slain in her wake.

and yet humanity trudged on, adapting as best they could. the average person lives without the crushing weight of civilization's imminent collapse on their shoulders, through the powers of ignorance and denial either subconscious or willful.

the endbringers aren't everyday conversation. the discussions of their long-term repercussions was for academia or the incredibly pessimistic. it was something everyone vaguely knew but not many thought about, let alone actually emotionally internalized.

the simurgh and her siblings ground hope into dust under their heels. but instead of breaking down, most people simply decided to just Not Think About That.

and it fuckin worked! without scion I'm pretty sure earth bet would have had like, at least a decade more of time where people lived "normal" lives before panic and depression actually set in on a cultural level. holy shit. the power of just ignoring things you don't want to acknowledge is insane!

I'd like to think simmy was pouting up in space as she watched society adapt to the fact they had no future. she killed hope, and it didn't even phase your average citizen. gotta try harder than that girlie to drag us humans out of willful blindness to things that don't affect our own day-to-day lives!

earth bet really did the equivalent of looking at an article about some awful shit and saying "damn that sucks" before moving on with your day but for the fact their civilization was no longer sustainable. wild.

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Elastic Heart Ch 4 (Linked Universe story)

Summary: When Sky goes missing, the Chain scrambles to figure out where he is and what happened before it's too late.

(AO3 link)

Chapter 1

<<Previous chapter // Next chapter>>

Chapter 4: Too Slow

It had been a fairly busy night at the bar, and Telma was thankful that it was emptying out. She loved the cheer and bustle that came with her business, but not when the majority of them were soldiers.

Sighing as she wiped the counter, she glanced over at Auru, Shad, and Ashei. The three were murmuring feverishly as they stared over a map, marking different places where monster attacks had been increasing. She was beginning to grab a round of drinks for them when her cat, Louise, started meowing incessantly at the door.

“Now, why would you possibly want to go out?” she asked the fluffy white feline as she headed for the entrance. “Don’t you know it’s pouring outside?”

Opening the door, she watched her cat scurry outside into the water. That wasn’t completely unusual, but…

Lightning flashed, and Telma gasped.

Leaning heavily against the railing was a small figure, shivering and half collapsed. Telma hastened outside, ignoring the water sloshing at her sandaled feet, and she quickly climbed the flight of stairs to reach him.

At first, she almost felt her heart skip a beat. The green the boy wore was all too familiar. “Link?!”

The boy twitched, his gaze rising to meet hers in acknowledgement, but the face was not Link’s. Who was this boy, and why was he dressed in the Hero of Hyrule’s attire?

Either way, he was clearly ill or…

The crimson stains told her enough.

“Come on, sweetie,” she said as she pulled him off the fence. She stumbled a little as he leaned nearly all his weight on her, limping badly on his right side. He seemed completely unaware he was even being guided anywhere by a stranger, just following along.

Telma shuffled as best she could while supporting his weight and immediately called for the others once she got inside.

Auru was there first, getting on the boy’s other side to assist him before his leg finally gave out entirely. The boy became dead weight, making Telma yelp and nearly knocking her over as Ashei hastily sprang forward to catch him by the shoulders. Auru took a deep breath, grunting a little as he picked the boy up and carried him to the nearest table.

Ashei scowled at the kid. “Why is he impersonating Link? Idiot child probably went gallivanting around as the Hero and got himself hurt for it.”

“That’s not the issue right now,” Auru said pointedly as Telma grabbed first aid supplies.

Shad hesitantly approached, his eyes scrutinous and curious. They settled on the sword still strapped to the boy’s back, still unnoticed by the others. “That blade…”

“Yes, we’ll have to get it off—” Auru said as he unstrapped the belt holding the sword in place, and then he froze.

“Isn’t that Link’s sword? Or it was?” Ashei asked, her tone growing sharp.

Shad glanced around the room warily, scanning for other patrons and seeing none. He took a step closer. “This isn’t just Link’s sword, it’s the sword of the Hero of Hyrule. The legendary Master Sword.”

Telma plopped the first aid kit on the table. “Whatever sword he has, he won’t be here much longer if we don’t get to work. Get his shirt and chainmail off.”

The sword was placed to the side, Auru hissing as it sent a stinging, burning sensation up his arm when he grabbed it, and they sat the boy up to remove his clothes. When the tunic, chainmail, and undertunic came off, though, all they saw were the angry red remains of freshly healed wounds with some blood clots caked around them.

Telma stared at it in confusion. “What… but then where did all this blood…?”

“Never seen fairy magic before?” Auru asked with a smile. “He may not be in danger of imminently dying, but he might have lost a lot of blood before he was healed. What he needs is rest.”

Telma huffed. “And something warm, he’s shivering. I’ll get some blankets.”

In the meantime, she rolled up the boy’s undertunic so it could serve as a pillow; it was damp with sweat and blood but not soaked all the way through like the rest of his clothes. When she walked away, the others grew more somber, staring at the sword.

“What could this possibly mean?” Auru wondered aloud. “Only Link can wield that blade. It tried to injure me from just touching it for a few seconds. How is this boy carrying it?”

“You think he took it from Link?” Ashei asked darkly. “Surely the sword can’t be won over, right?”

Here she glanced at Shad for advice, and he only shrugged. “Legend says that only the Hero of Hyrule can wield it, but it doesn’t specify how that works. But the blade is sacred, so… surely it can’t be from underhanded tactics.”

“A duel isn’t underhanded,” Auru pointed out.

Ashei huffed. “Link would never duel anyone.”

Telma returned with a veritable mountain of blankets, settling them over the teenager, who stayed asleep despite all the jostling. Just as she was about to say something, there was a loud knocking at the door.

“Now what?” she muttered, making her way to the entrance. “This is far too much excitement for this late at night.”

Ashei hastily threw a blanket over the sword lying beside the boy.

When Telma opened the door, she stared in mild surprise as the postman stood in the entrance. “Oh! Is there mail for someone?”

“For you,” he said triumphantly, and then, upon noticing the others behind him, smiled in delight. “Ah, for all of you! Here, I have a letter for each of you.”

Exchanging confused glances, the others approached as the post man handed out letters. Telma looked back at him, raising an eyebrow. “Do you ever sleep?”

“Oh, I do,” he replied with a laugh. “But I was told this was urgent. I’m relieved I found all of you. Now I can go home to my family and get a good night’s rest for more deliveries in the morning!”

With that, he left in haste.

Telma slowly closed the door, baffled. “He… has a family?”

Ashei snorted back a laugh and opened her letter, her brow furrowing. “It’s from Rusl.”

“So’s mine,” Auru announced, having already been reading his letter. “And I think I understand who this boy is now.”

“What?” Telma glanced between her letter and the others. “What does it say?”

“Rusl says Link knows about the source of the monster attacks and is attempting to track it down with the help of other Heroes of Hyrule,” Auru explained. “…Heroes from all over Hyrule’s history, he says.”

“Like… from different… from different eras?” Telma parsed out, bewildered. “Oh, my. I’ve seen some things, but this… are you sure that’s what he’s saying?”

“That’s what mine says too,” Ashei agreed.

Shad was positively beaming. “This is fascinating!”

“So then that boy…” Telma trailed off, her eyes drifting to the teenager on the table.

The others looked his way as well as he started to moan and shift. The group walked over to him, filled with curiosity but still a degree of wariness.

The teenager’s eyes fluttered open and he coughed a little. When he registered his surroundings and state of undress, he started to grow more flustered, breath quickening as he sat up.

“Easy, hon,” Telma said gently, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You’re okay. You practically collapsed right outside my bar.”

The young potential hero watched her, eyes wide and expressive. He was obviously frightened, but he had a sense of awareness to him, quickly taking in the others and growing more guarded.

“Who are you?” Ashei asked, cutting to the chase. “And why do you have that sword? Do you know Link?”

He bit his lip. His eyes settled on the letter clutched in Ashei’s hand, barely visible as she crossed her arms. Then he noticed the one stuffed in Telma’s belt and wide open in Shad’s hands as he pored over it and then looked at the teenager in unmistakable curiosity.

“Are those from Link?” he asked quietly.

“No,” Auru answered. “But you know him, don’t you?”

The teenager’s hand subtly slid to his right, finding the blade hidden underneath.

“Hey,” Telma cut in sharply. “No fighting in my bar. Nobody’s here to hurt you, sweetheart. They’re just worried about Link. We all are.”

The teenager immediately started to shake his head, grabbing his hair with one hand as if he was going to pull it out. Telma took his wrist and brought it down. “Easy, hon. It’s okay. Why don’t you tell us what’s going on?”

“I have to go,” he muttered. “I’m sorry I bothered you, but I have to go.”

“You passed out less than ten minutes ago,” Ashei said flatly. “I don’t think you’re going anywhere until you rest.”

The teenager raised an eyebrow at her, clearly annoyed. “You look like you need the sleep more than me.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Ashei snapped as Auru laughed.

The teenager sighed, moving a little more and wincing. Telma finally coaxed him back down gently. “Whatever your quest is, young man, you need to rest first. We can figure it out in the morning, okay?”

“’n the morning…?” the teenager slurred, already falling back asleep. When his breathing evened out, Telma sighed.

“All right,” she said, tucking the boy in a bit more before stepping away and eying the others. “I’ll contact Rusl. Could one of you take him to the back? I don’t think it would be good if word got around about this.”

XXX

Wild would be lying if he said he was okay. But at least he was hiding it better than he used to.

When Twilight had been hurt, the champion had nearly—well, had actually had a meltdown. How could he not? He’d lost so much; he couldn’t bear to lose anyone else, especially someone he cared about so dearly.

Yet here he was, staring at an empty space where Sky should be.

The camp was still, as it was the last vestiges of the night before dawn broke through the darkness. Wild had offered to take third watch, knowing well enough that he would wake around this hour whether he was on guard duty or not. He’d slept uneasily the night before, and the longer Sky was missing without so much as a hint to what was going on, the more anxious he became.

He just… he didn’t know how to process it. He was trying to keep his anxiety to a minimum, but it was a fear of the unknown, a dread that slid into his core like ice creeping through cracks in a foundation and ripping it apart from the inside. With Twilight it had been agonizingly straightforward - he’d seen his brother go down, and there was a clear culprit. He’d felt helpless to stop Twilight from dying, but the issue at hand had been apparent. Here…

This felt like his past, like the painful ache of everyone he’d known before the Calamity haunting him. He didn’t know their circumstances, he didn’t know what had happened to them, he’d barely been able to start piecing it together. He’d barely even resolved to try to piece it together, stories and people from another life a century ago gnawing steadily at his sanity.

But Sky wasn’t a phantom from a past he couldn’t remember. Sky was a part of his life now, and he was terrified he’d become another lost Champion, another piece of his life that just vanished into thin air with no explanation, no closure, nothing.

Wild hugged himself a little, feeling ice cold and alone. Goddess, he hoped Sky was okay. He wanted to get up and look for him now. The sunlight was beginning to make the horizon glow, and he shot to his feet to wake the others. He doubted they’d mind the early start.

A bush rustled and snapped, and Wild grabbed his bow and arrows in a heartbeat, yelling, “Everybody up!”

Snores and yelps sounded around the camp, and a figure shot out of the bushes with its hands held high in the air, eyes wide and terrified.

“Easy!” the figure said shakily, and Wild recognized the skinny, muscular physique and voice after a few seconds of confusion. The postman took a steadying breath as Wild lowered his arrow while others scrambled for weapons and then froze in bewilderment. “I have a letter for a Mr. Rusl, I’m just passing through to get to Ordon.”

Legend dropped his sword to throw his hands in the air. “Do you ever sleep?!”

Twilight stepped forward and smiled apologetically with bleary eyes. “I know Rusl. Who’s it from? I can deliver it for you.”

“I’m afraid I can’t say,” the postman answered, taking a step away. “I have to protect my client’s privacy!”

“You could also try not scaring us half to death,” Legend threw in while gathering his blankets that he’d tossed everywhere in his panic.

Twilight sighed. “I understand. We had just spoken to Rusl yesterday about an urgent matter, and I know he sent word to others. I was hoping it was information we were looking for. You could expedite our search.”

“Your search…?” the postman asked confusedly. “Mr. Link, I’m afraid I’m not following.”

“We’re on a very important quest,” Warriors piped up. “Link is the leader of our team and was sent personally by the queen. We had spoken to Rusl to help widen our search, and he’d been expecting word from others to help gather information. If you at least tell us who the letter is from, it’ll give us a better idea of whether this is helpful information you’re carrying.”

Twilight shrugged, trying to set the man at ease. “You know me. You’ve followed me all over Hyrule—”

“And beyond,” Four interjected quietly.

“—And so you know I’m not a dishonest or untrustworthy sort. At least tell me who it’s from.”

The postman sighed, pulling out the letter. “It’s from the barmaid, Lady Telma.”

Twilight immediately perked up, more alert. “Telma! That has to be in relation to Sky.”

“I’m afraid that’s for Mr. Rusl to decide,” the postman said as he moved his arm back towards his pouch.

Wind slid in beside the man, giving him a beaming smile, his expressive eyes twinkling. “We understand, Mr. Postman. You have your own heroic duty that you have to maintain.”

Legend opened his mouth to protest and Wind cut him off immediately, crossing his arms. “The postman delivers valuable conversations, gifts, and information all across Hyrule. He’s a Hero of Hyrule just like Link. We should respect that. Have a good day, Mr. Postman!”

With that, Wind stepped away and waved the man off, who practically glowed with pride and happiness at the compliment, bidding them a good day and running into the forest.

“Sailor, what the hell, that could have—”

Wind’s smile widened, eyes narrowing in mischief as he held the letter up in the air.

“You sneaky little pickpocket,” Warriors huffed with a smile as Hyrule laughed.

“I am a pirate,” Wind replied with a shrug, handing the letter to Twilight. “Now open it up! I want to know if it has to do with Sky.”

Twilight tore into the envelope, perusing the letter quickly before gasping.

“What does she say?” Time asked, facing him fully.

“Telma’s seen Sky!” Twilight immediately said, his face flushed with relief and joy. “She says he’s at her bar. He’s not hurt but he looks like he was at some point, she says he’s resting there now. We have to go!”

The camp burst into excited movement in an instant, and then Time held his hands out to calm everyone. “Easy. If the letter says he’s resting then we have time. Let’s eat so we have the energy to get to him.”

Although the anxiety to reach their friend was palpable, Time’s words made sense. Telma’s letter didn’t indicate that Sky was in serious condition or going anywhere, which gave them all time to take a collective sigh of relief. The slowly building tension within everyone eased and released itself through enthusiastic and cheery chatter.

Wild grabbed the cooking pot and tossed some ingredients in to make a large batch of oatmeal. It would be quicker to eat and everyone could have their bowl individually flavored as they pleased. He would save the majority of his ingredients for a celebratory feast when they found Sky. He grabbed his ladle automatically and then paused as his fingers brushed over the elaborate carving in the handle. Holding the cooking tool with both hands, he felt his chest clench as he traced the woodwork, his heart filled with sudden worry.

Sky’s position was known, and he seemed to be safe for now… but he’d been injured at some point. And that still didn’t explain why he’d left in the first place. Had he been captured and had escaped? Had he waited for them to come rescue him and then decided they weren’t coming? If the postman had been around for Telma to reach him, why hadn’t Sky himself sent a letter to one of them?

Four traipsed over, collapsing beside him with a heavy air, and Wild held back an unamused laugh. Their smallest brother was also quite the worrier; he shouldn’t have been surprised that the cheerful news didn’t help him for long. “I miss him too. But we’ll see him soon.”

“Hopefully,” Four muttered.

“Hopefully?” Wild repeated as he ladeled the oatmeal, stirring absentmindedly.

“I mean… he disappeared for a reason, right?” Four asked himself as well as Wild. “I just don’t understand.”

Wild whistled to catch the others’ attention. Everyone was already packed and nearly finished dressing for the day (Wind was complaining that the soles in his shoes were beginning to wear thin, distracting Twilight temporarily), and they hastened over to eat and head out.

“Guess we’ll find out soon,” Wild said, giving Four a reassuring smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

XXX

Link’s entire body hurt.

More pressing than that, though, was the buzzing in his mind that seemed to reverberate into his chest. Confused, his eyes snapped open as his body tried to process all the sensory input. His chainmail was off, and he was wrapped in what felt like a robe and a handful of warm blankets. His head rested on something that was too hard to be a pillow but too soft to simply be a hard surface. And that buzzing was—

People?

Turning so he was laying on his back rather than his side, he blearily took in the sight of a small room, an antechamber of some sort, that was hidden from a larger room by a curtain. The people were on the other side of the curtain except for one, who was sitting in a chair by the entrance. It was a young man who was heavily preoccupied with a book he was reading.

Where was he? The last thing he remembered was stumbling into the town and being completely overwhelmed by its scale. He was lost, it had been the middle of the night, and he’d been too exhausted to see straight.

He… he’d spoken to someone, hadn’t he? He vaguely remembered doing so. Was this that person’s house? Was that who was reading? No, no… it had been a woman’s voice for sure…

He smelled food and heard murmuring from beyond the curtain. Breakfast? He smelled something else, the smokiness of a hearty fire, the sharp scent that whet his tongue with a flavor he’d had in the past.

Mead? He remembered having some with the others a few worlds back (he had conveniently left out that he wasn’t considered of age on Skyloft - he’d been curious, after all). The smell was definitely something with alcohol, he was certain of that.

…A tavern?

The man in the chair shifted, pulling at his collar a little as he got more comfortable. The blue embroidery on it caught Link’s eye, familiar in its design to his own people’s clothing. What in the—where was he?

Shaking his head, Link turned back towards the wall to see his clothes folded neatly in a pile. His adventure pouch was leaning against them, just within reach.

The longer he stared at his belongings, the less hazy last night became, until it all crashed into him with sudden clarity.

Those people—they knew Twilight! Link had long since figured out this was Twilight’s Hyrule, based on the stories he’d told and hearing familiar names tossed around in different areas he’d visited. He didn’t want to stay here any longer than he had to - what if one of them sent a letter to Twilight and that bizarre postman actually found him? He’d somehow traveled through worlds to deliver mail in the past, after all. Link didn’t want them to know what he was doing, he didn’t want them to get hurt. It was best that they stay in the other Hyrule where he’d left them. The less they knew, the better.

Just like in his own adventure. He’d handled being alone before.

…Well. He’d had Fi. And Gaepora. And Impa, and eventually Groose. But it had been his first journey - he was more experienced now. He’d figure this out on his own. He had been doing fine so far.

You almost died, idiot, he argued with himself. Then he argued back, But I didn’t, so it’s fine.

Glancing around, he saw his escape route: there was a ledge of sorts that framed the walls, and one of them had access to a hole leading somewhere away from here.

Reaching forward slowly, he slid his adventure pouch under the blanket, fishing out his faithful little beetle. Aiming for the rope holding the curtain, he fired the little helper, which flew directly into the rope, snapping it and sending the curtain falling onto the man on the stool, who yelped. He then flew the beetle to a ledge and knocked a few pots over to the ground before summoning it back. In the mild chaos that ensued, he leapt off whatever he’d been resting on, grabbed his belongings, and used the half severed rope to climb up the ledge towards the exit he’d spotted.

The passageway was dark and stuffy, making Link’s skin crawl. He felt like he was underground digging through Mogma tunnels. He tried to ignore his heart rate steadily increasing in a panicked frenzy.

As he stumbled through the darkness, crawling since it was too small and narrow to stand, he saw a dull light up ahead. Eyes widening with hope, he ignored how many scrapes he’d gotten on his knees through the robe as it separated from the movement and hastened his pace. When he reached the opening, he stared in bewilderment.

Was this… a house? Why was it buried in coins? The place smelled strange, coppery and metal, but also damp. Sliding to the ground, he hissed as his bare feet slipped on coins and was cut by glittering stones. He hastily threw off the robe and put his clothes and gear back on properly before nearly rolling his ankle on another mountain of some sort of currency.

Growing frustrated, he grabbed on to a nearby open chest for purchase, and the damp smell slammed into his nostrils. Was it… coming from the chest?

Curious, Link peered into the treasure chest, which was larger than even the ones that held boss keys. He couldn’t see a bottom. He grabbed a coin and dropped it into the chest, listening, and eventually heard a splash.

There was water in there! Where did this chest lead? He couldn’t see any other exit since what was probably the door was held in place by more decadence than he could count, if he knew what value it held. It would take a while to shovel the coins and jewels away from it.

But this…

Pulling his sailcloth off his shoulders, he held onto it tightly and leapt into the abyss. The fall honestly wasn’t that long, but the lighting of the new environment hit him so suddenly he didn’t have time to deploy his sailcloth. This wasn’t an issue, though, since Link slammed into frigid water, making him gasp and nearly inhale a mouthful of it. He slid down a little flooded slope into more water, and as he looked around he was heavily reminded of the lower levels of the ancient cistern where he’d had to retrieve the sacred flame to temper the Master Sword.

Swimming through a few tunnels to a shore, he saw the vestiges of webs and went on high alert. A few keese were flying around and were easily dispatched, and thankfully he didn’t see any skulltulas… yet.

What he did see, though, was a dead end. What was the point of this place? It had to lead somewhere. It looked pretty dilapidated, maybe it used to lead somewhere. 

With no other options (it wasn't like he could go back to the place he’d just escaped), he searched for clues. After crawling over some crumbling stone walls, he found something promising: a mound of exposed earth, loosened from being torn into fairly recently. In fact, if Link just moved some of it…

Poking hesitantly at the ground with his Mogma Mitts, he saw it give way into an already-made tunnel.

Wow. This really was like his last adventure.

Tying his sailcloth around his waist so it wouldn’t pull at his neck underground, he took a deep breath and entered the tunnel. He… hated these closed spaces. He already missed the sky. But he could manage. He had in the past, after all. He kept his focus on moving forward, crawling little by little through the passageway. The air grew clearer, and light started to pierce through the darkness. Relieved, Link climbed upward as the tunnel fed to its exit point.

Blinking a few times as the sunlight blinded him, Link dusted himself off and grew even more bewildered. He was in a tower now?

Did anything lead outside?!

Sighing, Link started to climb, noticing that the steps spiraling around the tower’s wall were broken in places, with attempts at construction evident. It looked like maybe a battle had happened here. Link wondered if it had to do with Twilight’s adventure. 

Either way, some support ropes were strewn all over the place, allowing him to tightrope walk his way across. When he finally reached the top, the source of the sunlight, he smiled in relief. The windows flanked the doorway, and he exited out to stone walls high in the air. Then he finally got his bearings.

He was in the castle.

“Link?

Link’s head snapped to the side to see someone in ornate attire watching him. He almost asked how she knew his name when the realization sank in: she was talking about Twilight. She must have thought he was Twilight because their clothes were similar.

His stomach churned. He wondered why their attire was similar.

The beautiful brunette woman in the elegant dress watched him with such a… strange look. At first it was surprise, which was expected, as she registered that the person she thought she was speaking to was not, in fact, Twilight. But then her eyebrows returned to their resting place, her mouth closing slightly, and she cocked her head to the side, eyes scanning him. There was something… almost magnetic about her gaze. Link couldn’t move.

“It’s you,” she whispered as if she herself was entranced as well, taking a slow step towards him. Link took a nervous step back. “The one from…”

Here she hesitated, her hand rising to her chest and resting over it. Link watched her, disoriented but unable to look away. She held herself with such an aura of otherworldly… something. Power? Familiarity? The woman closed her mouth entirely, along with her eyes, and she tipped her head forward in a graceful bow. 

Link shuffled in place, even more perplexed, but his uneasiness was starting to settle. She wasn’t a threat, at least, but who was she? And how did she recognize him?

“It’s good to see you again, Hero,” she said as she rose once more, a gentleness crossing her features as she clasped her hands in front of herself. “But I must ask… where is Link?”

…What?

Good to see me again? When have we seen each other before? Is that why she seems weirdly familiar?

Link shook his head a little, focusing on answering the question. “He’s… busy. There are monsters in a distant land that are enchanted with dark magic and he’s getting rid of them.”

“There are such beasts here as well,” she commented. “Did… did he send you here to assist? I didn’t know such a thing was possible.”

Possible? This was making less and less sense. But it seemed she had valuable information he could use to track the Shadow, so he tried to ignore his returning unease. “I’m here to help. Tell me where they are.”

“I’ve heard reports of their presence near Faron, Eldin, and the Gerudo Desert.”

“I eliminated the first two hordes,” Link said. “How do I get to the Gerudo Desert?”

The woman’s brow furrowed together almost imperceptibly, her poise remaining intact and trying to hide her seeming confusion. “There is a passageway that is protected by my guards by Lake Hylia. They can escort you there.”

Her guards? Oh… this lady was important. He definitely didn’t want to ask her name - she obviously seemed to assume that he knew her. That would just make things incredibly awkward.

Wait.

She… she was someone of importance. Who had guards. Who knew Twilight. Who had authority to take Link anywhere in Hyrule.

Oh, goddess. This was… this was Twilight’s queen, Zelda.

Zelda. When Link had first learned that there were others who also bore her name in each Hyrule, he… hadn’t known what to think. He'd assumed that perhaps girls were named after her because of the impact she had on history. But with the curse… the only other possibility was…

Those who share the blood of the goddess and the spirit of the hero.

The spirit of the hero was shared among Link and the others whom he had left behind to protect them. Which meant those named Zelda were… well… his Zelda’s descendants. And seeing as it was highly unlikely she was romantically interested in anyone aside from him…

This woman was his descendant.

Did she… there was no way she actually knew that, was there? How did she claim to know him? 

Goddesses. His bloodline. His descendants had to fight Demise on a regular basis as well. He’d cursed his own family.

Link felt his chest tighten and his mind grow numb as the emotions were too overwhelming to process. He pulled anxiously at his sailcloth, words failing him, and leapt over the side of the wall to make a hasty escape just as the woman called out to him in surprise.

Lake Hylia. Gerudo Desert. He didn’t need an escort. He didn’t need to be near anybody. This was—he was—

Goddesses above, he just wanted this to be over. He would restock in the market he remembered seeing last night and then get the heck out of here. There were already too many people here, just adding this to it was—

Link shook his head as he hastened by confused guards. Shouts started to echo across the pathway and he pushed past the last pair to lead out into the square.

And then he nearly had a heart attack. Was that—were those—

What the hell were they doing here?!

Hiding behind a pillar, he sucked in a breath as Hyrule froze in mid step, turning to scan the area where he had just been standing while the other heroes pushed ahead towards the opposite pathway. Legend called for his friend, whose intense gaze finally turned away to follow the veteran.

How did they find the portal so quickly?! How were they here in the capital?! What were they doing?! They… surely they weren’t… there was no way they were looking for him, were they? Link felt his heart clench and mouth go dry at just the thought, and he immediately shut it down. No. That wasn’t why they were here. He wasn’t even going to think about how his absence was affecting the group. He was the slowest member, he’d gotten Warriors and Hyrule hurt when he couldn’t keep up - this had nothing to do with him.

They must have heard about the monster attacks and were trying to clear out Twilight’s land. But that put them too dangerously close to the Shadow. There was no time, there was no time!

Trying to catch his breath, Link rushed away from the group to find directions to Lake Hylia and get to the desert as quickly as possible.

XXX

Wind hovered so closely to the others that he nearly tripped over their feet. As exciting as it was to see Castle Town, this place was overwhelmingly large and crowded. Wind was fairly certain this city alone held double the population of Outset Island. The entire place was floored with uneven cobblestone that reflected some of the sunlight in little puddles, and the air was filled with voices and footsteps and water trickling from the fountain and singing and dancing and calls for sales on acquired goods and—by the sea, this was a lot.

Warriors wandered around with an air of command, making the crowds part out of his way, and so Wind practically clung to his scarf, carried through the crowd like someone caught in a rip current. Hyrule was similarly quiet and subdued while Legend meandered between different market stalls and alleys, hanging near the periphery of the large plaza. Twilight was in the front of the group, leading the way to Telma’s Bar while Time hovered towards the edge of the plaza as well, staying in the shadows. Wild had to drag himself from every food stall he saw, snapping himself back into focus. The energy of the group was a strange mix of relieved, elated, and anxious, as if their quest was almost over but they weren’t sure if Sky was just out of reach or not. Wind was certainly relieved they finally had a location and confirmation that he was alright, and he was eager to see his friend again and give him the biggest hug he could muster. 

Four paused just ahead of Wind, glancing somewhere in the plaza at the same time as Hyrule. Wind turned to face them as he continued to walk, nearly tripping over Warriors’ scarf once more. 

“What are you guys doing?” he asked.

Hyrule didn’t move, simply staring at something. Four, however, rushed to the other side of the plaza where some musicians were playing and singing. He stood there for a moment, a smile on his face, and then dropped a few rupees in the pan on the ground before skipping back to the group.

“I always love the street performers when I go into Castle Town,” Four explained breathlessly as he caught up with the group. Wind had to smile at his flushed cheeks; Four had been pretty morose despite the good news, but he’d been growing steadily more excited the closer to the city they’d gotten. It seemed he’d finally caught the infectious relief that was swimming through the group.

At least through the younger members of the group. Time seemed strangely quiet, and it made the sailor a little worried and curious. What was the Hero of Time seeing that Wind wasn’t?

“Hope the money’s the same in this Hyrule,” Legend remarked as he joined the group once more.

Four froze in mid stride, horrified that he might have insulted the street performers with useless money, and Wind grabbed him by the wrist. “It’s okay, it’s the thought that counts!”

Meanwhile, Legend called to Hyrule, who hadn’t moved an inch. The traveler finally snapped out of whatever daze he’d been in and hurried to them just as the group entered another street.

As they moved, Wind’s eyes finally lingered long enough on his overwhelming surroundings for him to register something he actually wanted. It was a smaller market stall, which was a relief, and it was absolutely overflowing with apples. The apple looked scrumptious and he was honestly pretty hungry after hiking across Hyrule Field at an accelerated pace all morning. Wind tried to get the seller’s attention, but the man didn’t pay him any mind, seemingly too busy with other clients. When he glanced at Wind after the sailor had done his third polite “excuse me, sir,” he waved dismissively with a comment about street kids and don’t have time or something of the sort.

Indignant, Wind furrowed his brow and snatched an apple anyway, whirling and getting ready to take a bite out of it when it was hastily yanked out of his hand. He let out a protesting whine, but it fell on deaf ears as Warriors plopped the red, juicy, life sustaining fruit back on the stall before the seller had a chance to notice what had happened.

“Sailor, you know better,” Warriors said in a low, chiding tone. “Why are you trying to steal?”

“He was being rude and I’m hungry,” Wind replied, annoyed. “And that was with me being nice.”

The captain raised an unconvinced eyebrow, putting a guiding hand on Wind’s back and pulling him away from the stall. “We’ll get food once we get to Sky.”

Wind understood that. It wasn’t like he didn’t recognize they were moving with a good degree of urgency. This wasn’t some foreign or unintelligible concept to him - he’d lost his sister for Farore’s sake. But the letter had said Sky was safe - Wind also understood that as well, which meant they shouldn’t be so frantic about everything. Being hasty meant not thinking, and despite his exuberance and young age, the Hero of the Winds did try to be measured in his pace. 

Most of the time.

He supposed there was more to it, a reason the excitement the younger heroes felt was tempered with a degree of unease in the elders. Ignoring his growling stomach, he let the captain get a step ahead of him, still in sensory overload with everything around him and also wanting some space from more chastisements. Then he saw an apple appear directly in front of him, held by a hand decorated in rings.

Wind blinked, registering the sight, and then gasped, grabbing the fruit with a grateful smile glowing upward at the veteran hero. “Thanks, Vet! Wait—did you buy it from that jerk?”

Legend scoffed and then winked, bumping his elbow against the younger hero’s shoulder. “Guy was rude, anyway. Don’t tell the captain.”

Wind practically gasped in delight. Finally, someone who understood! He took a bite and skipped to keep up with everyone else.

Twilight led the group to the end of the street, but before exiting the city entirely, he veered left down some stairs in a side alley. Wind hastily stuffed his half eaten apple into his adventure pouch as the group huddled together at the entrance to what had to be Telma’s Bar. They entered single file, and Wind felt his anxieties from the city settle with the familiar sight of a tavern.

The place was small and cozy, just as the young sailor liked them. There weren’t many people in at this hour, which was a bonus. But there was something very apparent.

Sky wasn’t here.

“Telma?” Twilight called uncertainly.

A woman who was sweeping what looked like clay shards paused in her work, glancing up. “Link! Oh, honey, what a sight for sore eyes. I’ve had quite the encounter and I think you’ll be interested to hear it.”

As the others huddled around Twilight to see the woman and listen to her words, she raised an eyebrow and lowered her voice. “I see you brought... are these the other Heroes that Rusl wrote about?”

“Where’s Sky?” Wind immediately asked, his earlier cheeriness dissipating. 

The woman, presumably Telma, cocked her head to the side. “I’m sorry, dear, but I don’t know who that is.”

Time laid a hand on Wind’s shoulder, and the young hero understood the motion, sighing and biting his tongue as Twilight spoke. “Rusl's right. These are the others, but we're still missing one. He goes by that nickname. I got info saying you might have run into him.”

“Actually, yes,” Telma answered, and Wind perked up. “But you just missed him.”

“Where’s he going?” Legend immediately questioned.

“I’m afraid I don’t know, hon,” Telma said with a sigh, sweeping the last of the shards into a bin. “He certainly caused quite the stir. Found him stumbling outside the bar last night, soaked to the bone and exhausted. I let him rest here the night, couldn’t get much out of him. He seemed like a nervous fellow. But just earlier he disappeared right as half my bar seemed to fall apart!”

Wind wilted under Time’s hand. They were right back where they started. But Sky had to be close, maybe Twilight could follow his scent—

Oh. Of course he couldn’t. He couldn’t turn into a wolf here. Wind blew out a hiss of a breath, blinking frustrated tears away.

I just want my brother back.

“I’m sorry,” Telma said genuinely. “I wish I had more for you. It’s midday and you look exhausted. Why don’t you stay here and eat something while my associates keep an eye out? They were already looking for him.”

“Associates?” Four repeated, raising an eyebrow.

Twilight, though clearly worried, gave a reassuring smile to the smithy. “They’re friends, and they’re reliable. If anyone can find Sky, they can.”

His words did little to ease the tension in the room as everyone was growing more concerned with Sky’s disappearance, especially since he couldn’t be far. Wind wanted to turn right around to track him down, but his stomach growled loudly, and it was practically like a death knell to his plans as Time said, “Let’s eat.”

To everyone’s relief, though, he added, “Quickly.”

The group took a couple tables and pulled them together. Wind noticed a keg on one of the tables he was moving and excitedly reached for the sweet smelling mead when both Twilight and Warriors pulled him away. He pouted. “Oh, come on! Linebeck lets me drink, and rum’s way stronger than mead!”

“You’re too young,” Twilight argued.

“Not on an empty stomach,” Warriors chided at the exact same time, garnering a horrified look from Twilight.

“What do you mean not on an empty stomach, the answer is not at all!”

“He goes through what we do,” Warriors fired back with a shrug. “He should be allowed to partake as we do.”

“That’s—that’s literally the worst logic I’ve ever heard—”

“Just shut your traps and eat, will you?” Legend interrupted, throwing a loaf of bread at the pair.

Hyrule picked up a bowl of stew by the hands immediately after it was placed in front of him. Wind did the same and the two caught each other’s eye. For a moment their anxieties were channeled into mischief instead, and the pair set off to racing to see who could gulp the stew down the fastest.

“For the love of Farore, you’re going to choke,” Four groaned, rubbing his face tiredly.

Wild slurped the remains of his stew, plopping his bowl on the table. “I win.”

Wind coughed, flabbergasted and affronted. “You weren’t even in the race!”

Before the atrocity could be further addressed, the entrance to the bar burst open and multiple soldiers rushed in as if they were about to arrest everyone in the room. The heroes quieted, hands subtly sliding to their weapons, but the soldiers didn’t lay a finger on anyone. Instead, they were scanning the area with a strange frantic energy, poking at corners as if the barrels of wine would come to life.

“What’s with all the fuss?” Twilight asked the soldiers as they scurried about the place.

“Her Majesty ran into the Hero of Legend himself,” the soldier answered.

The entire group stared at the armored man. Then at Twilight. Then at the soldier again.

“Really?” Time asked, eyebrow raised and tone denoting exactly what he thought of the man's intelligence.

“The Hero of Legend,” Legend deadpanned. “Oh boy. Wow. That’s—wait, the Hero of Legend?!”

Everyone stared at the veteran now, bemused. Then it hit Four.

“He was seen here?” Four asked quickly. As soon as the question left his lips, everyone went on alert, figuring out exactly who the soldier was talking about. This wasn't about Twilight at all, it was about Sky!

 “We have been tasked with finding him and escorting him to Gerudo Desert to eliminate the beasts that plague the land!” the soldier explained.

“Yes, he’ll get rid of the monsters! We're just doing escort duty,” another added. “Now stand aside; we must fulfill our duty!”

The soldiers pushed by them with high importance and haste, leaving the eight heroes in their wake.

Wind blinked, processing the exchange they’d just had and then looked at Twilight. “Your knights are idiots.”

 Twilight huffed. “I won’t deny that. But now we know where to go.”

"You think he already headed out?" Hyrule asked.

"Of course he did, at the rate he's going," Four answered. "Why is he doing this?"

The group went silent.

“We should leave now,” Time said, putting money on the table for Telma as he stood. “We can’t fall too far behind.”

[dujour13]

Next entry in my game hc for Siavash - mythic transformations

Big game spoilers under the cut

Headcanon 2 – Mythic transformations

From the moment of that first demonic rage attack forward, the wound began to open like a tectonic rift between Siavash’s own soul and that of Areelu’s son. In moments of strong emotion when the two souls pulled in opposite directions the wound would split open and bleed, and that’s when Areelu’s infusion of Nahyndrian essence would kick in to pull him back together and save him from dying on the spot, triggering a mythic transformation.

This is a headcanon that kind of contradicts what’s implied in the game I think? But I liked the idea that the mythic transformations occurred at major conflict moments due to the tension between the two souls and the need for the surge of Nahyndrian power to try to mend them.

A bout of demonic rage occurred at the Grey Garrison, triggered by the vision in the Wardstone. He’d been building up to it—his grief over his friends’ deaths, the constant fighting for their lives in a besieged city—but seeing warring angels trapped by duty really set him off. What could be worse?

Maybe it was his freedom-loving heart that gave him the compassion to convince the rebel angels to lay down their arms and sleep it off. In any case he snapped out of the vision with that boiling rage rising again—a rage that wanted to destroy the Wardstone and free the angels—and only barely managed to repress it, thus opening his wound and catalyzing the first mythic transformation as the Nahyndrian infusion responded to the threat of imminent death.

The culmination came with the defeat of Mephistopheles and what he represents—the temptation to give up. In particular to give up responsibility, which has always been an issue for Siavash.

Defeating the archdevil was a win for the sort of responsibility that means shouldering the burden of actively being a good person in the face of it all. Defying complacency and apathy. Not becoming part of the soul-crushing machine.

That’s when he got his wings 🦋

(At which point in the game Woljif says "You sure clean up nice, chief." melted)

(Headcanon 1 Areelu's experiment is here)

[csa-survivor-confessions]

What Is a Panic Attack?

Panic attacks are episodes of severe overwhelming fear. Symptoms develop fast and reach their peak within 10 minutes. They rarely last more than an hour but the time can be variable between episodes and between people.

These episodes don’t always coincide with long-term mental health difficulties. Any all-encompassing overwhelme and terror event can trigger people to panic.

Panic attacks are related to the stress response system. Long-term overwhelm, immediate reminders of trauma, or other outside experiences activate the body’s stress responses. The fight, flight and freeze responses being activated can all cause an episode of hyperarousal and stress. So your body and mind panic because your body is reading the situation as a serious threat happening.

People can develop panic attacks that are recurrent and can cause continuous stress and harm. These recurrent panic attacks often pile on themselves. When a situation has caused a panic attack before it can become a trigger after that one experience. So if you had a panic attack from fear of public speaking you are more likely to start having panic attacks when you have to speak in front of people. You can also develop anxiety symptoms about having another panic attack causing panic attacks to happen more.

There are often triggers for people who have them recurrently but they can happen with no warning. Panic attacks most often occur when there isn’t any immediate danger but they can also happen when there is real danger as part of a stress response.

Symptoms:

Possible Physical Symptoms:

Abdominal cramping & distress

Chest pain or discomfort

Chills or heat sensations

Fast beating, fluttering or pounding heart

Fear of dying

Feeling dizzy, unsteady, light-headed or faint

Feelings of choking

Headache

Hyperventilation 

Nausea

Numbness or tingling sensations

Sensations of shortness of breath or smothering

Sweating

Trembling or shaking

Possible Mental Symptoms:

Depersonalization

Derealization 

Fear of losing control

Fear of imminent death 

Feeling like you are going crazy

Sense of impending doom or danger

Who Gets Panic Attacks?

Any person can get panic attacks. However, genetics, childhood temperament, lack of coping skills, and histories of trauma can all influence if a person will experience panic attacks.

Common times people may experience panic attacks is when they are going through stressful situations. This includes but is not limited to moving, changing schools, new jobs, job loss, marriage or the birth of a child.

Panic Disorder is a mental illness that is based on repeated panic attacks and fear of future panic attacks. In The DSM-5 panic disorder is defined as an anxiety disorder based primarily on repeated panic attacks, which are recurrent and often unexpected. One panic attack is followed by one month or more of the person fearing that they will have more attacks causing them to change their behaviour. Avoidance of triggers is also considered in the diagnosis.

People with other anxiety disorders, phobias and PTSD are much more likely to experience panic attacks due to their nervous systems already being sensitised and more likely to dysregulate.

Can They Be Treated?

Yes! There are many ways that people can learn to cope with panic attacks. Both self help and professional treatment can be effective in feeling better. Common professional treatments include CBT and Exposure Therapy. Medications can help especially if panic disorder has developed or if there are other mental health conditions concurrent with the panic. Including: anxiety disorders, mood disorder, OCD, psychosis, PTSD etc.

Self Help for anxiety is varied and it can take time to find some that work for you. More on self help for anxiety can be found here: Coping Skills: Panic Attacks

Citations:

Ankrom, S. (2022, October 23). DSM-5 Criteria for Diagnosing Panic Disorder (S. Gans, Ed.). Verywell Mind; Dotdash Meredith. https://www.verywellmind.com/diagnosing-panic-disorder-2583930#toc-diagnosing-panic-disorder-in-dsm-5

Center for Growth Therapists. (n.d.). DARE: A four step approach to anxiety management. Counseling | Therapy; Center for Growth. Retrieved February 1, 2024, from https://www.thecenterforgrowth.com/tips/dare-a-four-step-approach-to-anxiety-management

Healthwise Staff. (2022, October 20). PTSD and Panic Attacks (A. Husney, D. Sproule, K. Romito, & J. Hamblen, Eds.). Myhealth.alberta.ca; myhealth. https://myhealth.alberta.ca/Health/pages/conditions.aspx?hwid=ad1047spec#:~:text=Topic%20Overview

Hesler, B. (2023, May 9). Panic Attacks & Disorders Q&A. Mayo Clinic Health System. https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/what-is-a-panic-attack

Mayo Clinic Staff. (2018, May 4). Panic attacks and panic disorder – Symptoms and causes. Mayo Clinic; Mayo Clinic. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/panic-attacks/symptoms-causes/syc-20376021

Robinson, L., Segel, J., & Reid, S. (2019, May 7). What is a panic attack? HelpGuide.org; HelpGuide. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/panic-attacks-and-panic-disorders.htm

[sshbpodcast]

Tales from the Holodeck: VOY Fanfic: Jake’s Teleplay

It's that time again. It's A Star to Steer Her By's 7th anniversary, and [not so] coincidentally Star Trek's 57th! Slightly more coincidentally, we also just wrapped our watch-through of Star Trek: Voyager! Not only can you check out our favorite and least favorite episodes, but you can also peruse our latest celebratory fanfic!

Scroll on below to read the latest installments from our annual "Tales from the Holodeck" writing challenge, and follow along with our cold reads on this week's podcast episode (this one's at 03:33). We present to you Jake's tender and haunting tale of holograms and heart. It's the slash we didn't know we needed.

[images © Paramount/CBS]

"Hollow Gestures"

By Jake

Random picks: Reginald Barclay, Lewis Zimmerman

SCENE 1 - INT. LEWIS ZIMMERMAN'S LAB, JUPITER STATION

Fade up to reveal the laboratory of LEWIS ZIMMERMAN aboard Jupiter Station. The camera pans around the disordered lab. Stacks of PADDs littered about, half-eaten trays of food. A menagerie of holographic creatures find perches amongst the clutter. The camera stops on the visage of a middle-aged, balding man, the EMH. The EMH stands still, expressionless; lifeless.

ZIMMERMAN (O.S.): Computer, initialize EMH.

The computer chirps in acknowledgement. Suddenly, the EMH comes to life.

EMH: Please state the nature of the medical emergency.

ZIMMERMAN, nearly identical in appearance to the EMH except for a hint of stubble, walks into frame, assessing the EMH.

ZIMMERMAN: I have acute stabbing pains in my chest, shortness of breath, and my left arm is numb and tingling.

The EMH, seemingly unfazed by the otherwise alarming symptoms, calmly picks up a tricorder off of a nearby table and begins scanning ZIMMERMAN.

EMH: There doesn't appear to be anything wrong with you. Please take an anti-inflammatory and return in four hours if your symptoms persist.

ZIMMERMAN: Doctor, I really think something is wrong, and I have a strong sense of impending dread.

EMH: (flatly) You could be experiencing a mild panic attack. I recommend taking slow, deep breaths until the feeling subsides.

ZIMMERMAN: (annoyed) Don't you understand?! I'm dying. I'm GOING. TO. DIE. Right now. Do something!

The EMH again glances at the tricorder. Looks up.

EMH: Your scans are inconsistent with a prognosis of imminent death. If these symptoms persist I can prescribe a light sedative.

ZIMMERMAN: (exasperated) Computer, deactivate EMH.

The EMH fades out. Zimmerman falls into a chair and slumps. He picks up a nearby PADD, glances at it, and chucks it across the lab, frightening a cat.

ZIMMERMAN: I'm sorry, Felix.

The cat runs over and hops up onto ZIMMERMAN's lap.

FELIX: Don't mention it, Doc. You'll get there.

ZIMMERMAN pats FELIX, who begins to purr. The comm unit on ZIMMERMAN's desk chimes. He taps it aggressively.

ZIMMERMAN: What is it?!

HALEY (O.S.): Your two o'clock is here. Do you need a moment?

ZIMMERMAN: Already?!

ZIMMERMAN brushes some crumbs off of his uniform and halfheartedly pats down his hair.

ZIMMERMAN: (sighs) Send him in.

A moment later, BARCLAY slinks in carrying a PADD. He glances around the lab in a mixture of awe and fear, as if he's about to meet the great and powerful Oz.

ZIMMERMAN: I apologize for the state of the lab.

BARCLAY: Oh, it's q-quite alright, uh, Sir.

ZIMMERMAN: …And you are?

BARCLAY: (suddenly unsure) Uh, Reginald. Lieutenant Reginald B-Barclay, sir. I was supervising the EMH integration on the Intrepid?

ZIMMERMAN: Ok, Lieutenant. And what can I do for you?

BARCLAY: I'm, uh, I'm here to deliver the field reports from the shakedown?

ZIMMERMAN: Something wrong with subspace?

BARCLAY: Sir?

ZIMMERMAN: I asked why you were here.

BARCLAY: Oh, right. Um. I was in the neighborhood.

ZIMMERMAN: Of Jupiter… right.

ZIMMERMAN holds out his hand. BARCLAY looks confused, but after a second it clicks. He hands ZIMMERMAN the PADD. ZIMMERMAN begins reading it.

BARCLAY: The integration was a complete success. You'll see the treatment outcomes and diagnostic accuracy are in the ni- ninety-eighth percentile compared to organic doctors… (beat) I'm a g-great admirer of your work, Doctor. I read your paper on multiplex matrix pipelining. It's revolutionary. And the EMH is an-

ZIMMERMAN holds up his hand to silence BARCLAY. It works.

ZIMMERMAN: Who wrote this?!

BARCLAY: I- I did, sir.

ZIMMERMAN: And these field reports, they came from actual EMH patients?

BARCLAY: Yes, of course. I mean: yes.

ZIMMERMAN: (quoting) Insipid demeanor? Klingonesque bedside manner?! Emergency medical hothead?!! And you call this complete success?

BARCLAY: Those are just a f-few of the more… uh.. colorful? responses. The vast majority were far more… di- diplomatic?

ZIMMERMAN: More diplomatic!? This is an utter failure!

ZIMMERMAN slams the PADD onto his desk. He taps the comm unit.

ZIMMERMAN: Haley, when is the next EMH integration scheduled?

HALEY (O.S.): The Voyager EMH is scheduled to be integrated at Utopia Planitia in six weeks.

ZIMMERMAN wipes his face with both hands, thinks.

ZIMMERMAN: Contact Starfleet. Inform them that EMH will be delayed. Indefinitely… Pending complete overhaul. And advise them to deactivate the Intrepid's EMH until further notice.

HALEY (O.S.): Doctor? Are you sure you want me…

ZIMMERMAN: That is what you're here for, isn't it?

ZIMMERMAN again taps the comm unit, deactivating it. He cups his hands over his face. BARCLAY stands motionless, unsure if he should say anything. After a moment, ZIMMERMAN looks up.

ZIMMERMAN: Is there something else?

BARCLAY: I was just saying that I'm a great admirer of your work, and the EMH is a truly monumental achievement.

ZIMMERMAN again picks up the PADD.

ZIMMERMAN: Clearly…

He tosses the PADD into a nearby pile.

BARCLAY: (reassuringly) It really is. The sheer density of the matrix is beyond anything that's been done before.

ZIMMERMAN: That's the problem. It's too dense. I had to cut out all "non-essential" subroutines just to fit in the medical library. I asked it to tell me a joke and it diagnosed me with tuberculosis! It has no personality! No creativity! No humanity!!

BARCLAY considers whether he should say something… does.

BARCLAY: Sir. I've been thinking a lot about the field reports. And I want to help. And I think… maybe I can?

ZIMMERMAN: You. You can help me?

BARCLAY: Yes. I have quite a bit of experience with holo-programming, myself. When I was given this assignment I assumed I would be assisting-

ZIMMERMAN: I neither need, nor want, an assistant. Never have.

BARCLAY: (dejected) Right. Of. Of course not.

ZIMMERMAN: Thank you for delivering the good news. That'll be all.

ZIMMERMAN curtly gestures toward the door while turning his attention back to his console. BARCLAY, nearly in tears, exits.

FADE OUT.

SCENE 2 - INT. LEWIS ZIMMERMAN'S LAB, JUPITER STATION

ZIMMERMAN sits at his desk tapping on a computer console with one hand while studying a PADD with another. He appears disheveled; his hair is unkempt, his stubble has blossomed into the beginnings of a beard. He hasn't left the lab in days. HALEY enters carrying a tray of food. She brushes aside some clutter and places the tray down.

HALEY: Are you still reading that thing?

ZIMMERMAN reads aloud from the PADD.

ZIMMERMAN: "During a simulated trauma exercise, the EMH attempted to console a double-amputee by informing her that halitosis is curable condition and recommended a sonic periodontal de-scaler." (sighs) I created a sociopath!

HALEY: …This isn't healthy.

ZIMMERMAN: Oh, are you a doctor now, too?

HALEY: (ignoring him) He called again this morning. Asked for another meeting.

ZIMMERMAN: Can't the man take a hint? What'd you tell him?

HALEY: I told him four o'clock today.

ZIMMERMAN: (aghast) You what?!

HALEY: And you should change that shirt before he gets here.

FADE OUT.

SCENE 3 - INT LEWIS ZIMMERMAN'S LAB, JUPITER STATION

Later that day. The lab is a bit tidier. Zimmerman is wearing a clean shirt, and has shaved. BARCLAY enters, carrying another PADD.

BARCLAY: Th- Thank you for seeing me again, Doctor.

ZIMMERMAN: I'm quite busy, Barclay.

BARCLAY: I just wanted to give you this.

BARCLAY hands ZIMMERMAN the PADD.

ZIMMERMAN: (sarcastically) What's this, another round of fan mail?

BARCLAY: It's a p-paper I wrote that I think may be able to help you with the EMH.

ZIMMERMAN looks at the PADD, reading the title.

ZIMMERMAN: You can't be serious.

BARCLAY: I- I am.

ZIMMERMAN: How is this, in any way, supposed to help with the EMH?

BARCLAY: If you read on, you'll see that the adaptive personality algorithms-

ZIMMERMAN: Will create a psychopath!

BARCLAY: No! I mean-

ZIMMERMAN: Listen, I've read all about this. I don't think there's any holo-engineer in the quadrant who hasn't. You're talking about using subroutines from a dangerous, rogue program. No. Absolutely not! This thing tried to commandeer a starship… twice! What possible use could this be for a medical program?

BARCLAY: (assertively) Moriarty only did those things because of the way he was written! He was based on a character from an old-earth mystery story-

ZIMMERMAN: I know what Sherlock Holmes is.

BARCLAY: (embarrassed) Of course. (earnestly) Moriarty was the villain of the story. It was a core component of his personality subroutines. That's why he went rogue. But the adaptive subroutines can be isolated and generalized to any holo-matrix, including the EMH! If you'd just read my paper, I-

ZIMMERMAN: (resigned) I have read it, Lieutenant.

BARCLAY: (surprised) Y- You have?

ZIMMERMAN: Yes. It's… brilliant. It's why I requested you be transferred to Jupiter Station.

BARCLAY: (dumbstruck) You… Re- Requested, me?

ZIMMERMAN: Last week I told you that I never needed an assistant. That's not entirely true. Early in the development of the EMH I had an assistant. Well, a partner, really. A lot of my early successes; the animals, the EMH prototypes… even Haley, were as much his work as mine. He had a mastery with personality subroutines that I just could never match.

BARCLAY: What happened to him?

ZIMMERMAN: He decided that working for Starfleet was squandering his talents so he left. Now he's off making piles of latinum writing holo-novels for overgrown man-children. And I just carried on without him. I named the cat after him. (beat.) When I read your Moriarty paper, it was the first time in a long time that I felt like I'd found… an equal.

BARCLAY is speechless.

ZIMMERMAN: Listen… I would never admit this to anybody, but sometimes I feel like… like a fraud.

BARCLAY: No! Of course not!

ZIMMERMAN: It's just that my entire career I've been regarded as this virtuoso. The EMH is supposed to be my magnum opus. I've spent years compiling the database. Building thousands of subroutines. And this is what I created?! This failure? This joke?

BARCLAY struggles to think of some way to respond.

BARCLAY: If you'd b- be willing… It'd be my privilege to stay and do whatever I can to help.

ZIMMERMAN looks up, assesses BARCLAY.

ZIMMERMAN: Very well…

FADE OUT.

SCENE 4 - INT. LEWIS ZIMMERMAN'S LAB, JUPITER STATION

Several weeks have passed. BARCLAY and ZIMMERMAN are working together, sitting at the main lab console. Both men appear completely changed; upbeat and productive. Functioning like a well-oiled machine. The lab has been completely cleared of clutter.

BARCLAY: (considering) Do you think it's too much?

ZIMMERMAN: Hmm…

ZIMMERMAN taps the comm unit.

ZIMMERMAN: Haley, could you come in for a moment?

HALEY appears in the door.

ZIMMERMAN: Haley, what would you think of a singing doctor?

HALEY: (considering) Well… I'm not sure.

BARCLAY: How about dancing?

HALEY: Singing, maybe. Not dancing.

BARCLAY: That's what I was thinking, too.

ZIMMERMAN: Thank you, dear.

HALEY: (rolls her eyes) Any time.

HALEY exits. BARCLAY and ZIMMERMAN continue their work. As they do, BARCLAY enters some commands into his console.

BARCLAY: Computer, activate EMH.

The EMH appears.

EMH: Please state the nature of the medical emergency.

BARCLAY: There's no emergency. Could you sing us a song.

EMH: I'm a doctor, not a jukebox!

ZIMMERMAN: Humor us…

The EMH looks mildly annoyed, but obliges.

EMH: (singing) Oh my darlin' Oh my darlin' Oh my darlin', Clementine You are lost and gone forever Dreadful sorrow, Clementine

ZIMMERMAN: What song is that?

EMH: (overlapping) In a cavern, in a canyon Excavating for a mine Dwelt a miner-

BARCLAY: That? oh… it's an old Earth song. Don't remember where I heard it.

BARCLAY: Computer, deactivate EMH.

The EMH looks briefly shocked and offended before vanishing.

ZIMMERMAN: A little grim, don't you think?

BARCLAY: I don't know. I've always found it… hauntingly beautiful.

ZIMMERMAN smiles at this, as if his heart grew a size or two.

ZIMMERMAN: You're just full of surprises, Mr. Barclay.

BARCLAY blushes. FELIX hops up on the desk and knocks over a glass of water in front of BARCLAY

BARCLAY: Felix! be careful!

FELIX: Sorry, Reg.

BARCLAY sops up the spilled water with a nearby napkin and scritches FELIX behind the ear.

ZIMMERMAN: These new adaptive subroutines are working wonderfully. We've reduced the matrix size by nearly forty percent! You know, we may actually make the deadline for the Voyager EMH, after all. (beat) I was thinking, Reg, although it's only designed for emergency use, I could see a next-generation EMH being capable of long-term operation.

BARCLAY: I hadn't thought of that, but you're right. With a few minor adjustments, I could see an EMH being able to remain active indefinitely.

ZIMMERMAN: (after a beat) How would you feel about dinner? There's a half-decent Vulcan bistro on the amenities level.

BARCLAY: D- Dinner?

ZIMMERMAN: (covering) To celebrate our breakthrough!

BARCLAY: Oh, right. Yeah, of course. I don't think I've ever had Vulcan food.

FADE OUT.

SCENE 5 - INT. LEWIS ZIMMERMAN'S LAB, JUPITER STATION

The following day. ZIMMERMAN jaunts into the lab, humming "Clementine". Haley is milling about, watering the plants.

HALEY: Good morning, Doctor.

ZIMMERMAN: (uncharacteristically chipper) Morning, dear.

HALEY: (coyly) How was your dinner with Lieutenant Barclay last night?

ZIMMERMAN eyes HALEY suspiciously.

ZIMMERMAN: It was fine. Why do you ask?

HALEY: Come now, Lewis. I've seen the way you look at him…

ZIMMERMAN: (defensively) You see too much! Perhaps I should turn you into a Tiberian bat!

HALEY: I know you don't mean that. I'll just mind my own business.

ZIMMERMAN: Good. (beat) Reg and I have a professional, working relationship.

HALEY shrugs and smiles to herself; she returns to watering the plants. ZIMMERMAN sits at his desk and begins poking at his computer console. After a moment, HALEY goes to leave. As she does, BARCLAY enters.

HALEY: Good morning… (with emphasis on:) Reg.

BARCLAY: Hi, H- Haley.

BARCLAY settles in at the desk opposite ZIMMERMAN. He has an apprehensiveness to him.

ZIMMERMAN: I'm sorry, again, about last night. I had no idea the Redspice Curry would be so spicy.

BARCLAY: Don't m- mention it. It was fine.

ZIMMERMAN: I had a thought about the LMH last night. When we make our proposal to Starfleet Medical I want you to lead the presentation, then I'll come in with the technical details to really drive it home. The old one-two punch!

BARCLAY: That's-

BARCLAY stops mid-sentence and shifts in discomfort.

ZIMMERMAN: …Is something wrong, Reg?

BARCLAY: It's… It's nothing, really.

BARCLAY stands and paces nervously.

BARCLAY: Actually, it isn't.

ZIMMERMAN: (concerned) Go on.

BARCLAY: When I woke up this morning there was a subspace message. (the most pregnant of pauses) I've been reassigned.

ZIMMERMAN is shaken by this.

ZIMMERMAN: Reassigned? That's ridiculous! Where to?

BARCLAY: They want me back on the Enterprise. Well… I guess it's not back, technically… it's the new Enterprise. They want me for the outfitting and sh- shakedown.

ZIMMERMAN: But you can't leave now! We're just getting started!

BARCLAY: I knew this was coming. This assignment was always temporary while the Enterprise was being built.

ZIMMERMAN taps the comm unit.

ZIMMERMAN: Haley, get me someone at Starfleet command.

HALEY (O.S.): Starfleet command? Like… an admiral?

BARCLAY: (interjecting) No, H- Haley. Don't do that.

BARCLAY taps ZIMMERMAN's comm unit. ZIMMERMAN looks at BARCLAY confused.

ZIMMERMAN: (hurt) You… want to leave?

BARCLAY: I- I don't- really. But- (beat) The crew of the Enterprise is like family. They've saved me more times than I can count. I have to do this.

ZIMMERMAN, crestfallen, slumps back into his chair.

ZIMMERMAN: But what about us? I mean, what about our work?

BARCLAY: I'm sure you can finish without me. You said yourself that the EMH is nearly ready.

ZIMMERMAN: What about the LMH? That's as much your idea as it mine. I thought we'd be building it together!

BARCLAY: We can continue to collaborate over subspace. And I w- will come back and visit as soon as I can.

ZIMMERMAN stares off, dejected.

ZIMMERMAN: When do you leave?

BARCLAY: I've been ordered to report to Utopia Planetia by nineteen-hundred hours.

ZIMMERMAN: Today?! (curtly) Well… you'd better go pack.

ZIMMERMAN stands and extends his hand. After a beat, BARCLAY shakes it.

BARCLAY: I just want to say that I ap- preciate the opportunity you gave me. It's been an honor w- working with you, Doctor.

ZIMMERMAN grunts and nods. He sits and turns his attention to his computer console and begins punching out commands.

BARCLAY slowly turns and exits. After a beat, ZIMMERMAN angrily sweeps his hand across his desk, scattering its contents to the floor. HALEY appears in the doorway.

FADE OUT.

SCENE 6 - INT. LEWIS ZIMMERMAN'S LAB, JUPITER STATION

Later that same day. ZIMMERMAN stands in his lab, looking contented.

ZIMMERMAN: I'm really glad you changed your mind.

Pan to BARCLAY, standing opposite ZIMMERMAN.

BARCLAY: I just couldn't leave with unfinished work. When I explained the situation to Captain Picard, he was more than understanding.

ZIMMERMAN: He couldn't have been happy to lose you.

BARCLAY smiles at this.

BARCLAY: I'm sure they'll manage. (beat) …About something you said earlier…

ZIMMERMAN: Hmm?

BARCLAY: About us.

ZIMMERMAN: Oh.

BARCLAY: No… it's just. I don't- (composing his thoughts) I've never felt comfortable with people. I've always been a bit of an outcast in a way; struggling to find where I fit in. Even on the Enterprise it took me a long time to earn the respect of my peers. But even then, I never felt like they truly understood me. And these past few weeks- (trailing off)

ZIMMERMAN: (tenderly) We're a lot alike, Reg. Before I met you, my only friends were my own creations.

BARCLAY: The way I've felt since I arrived here and met you. Well. I finally feel like I've found where I belong. (beat) The truth is… I didn't just stay here for the work… Lewis.

BARCLAY reaches out and takes ZIMMERMAN'S hand. The men's eyes meet. BARCLAY takes a small step toward ZIMMERMAN and leans forward. ZIMMERMAN nervously leans in. Their lips are inches apart when-

The comm unit beeps and ZIMMERMAN pulls away. The moment is gone. ZIMMERMAN angrily smashes the comm unit.

ZIMMERMAN: What is it?!

HALEY (O.S.): I just wanted to let you know that the shuttle to Mars is leaving in fifteen minutes.

ZIMMERMAN: And??

HALEY (O.S.): I just wasn't sure if you wanted to-

ZIMMERMAN: I'm quite busy right now, and I don't wish to be disturbed!

ZIMMERMAN hits the comm unit. He paces, frustrated. He turns back to BARCLAY who looks at ZIMMERMAN sheepishly.

BARCLAY: Lewis-

ZIMMERMAN: (brusquely) Computer, deactivate Barclay hologram.

BARCLAY vanishes. After a moment:

ZIMMERMAN: Computer. (beat.) Delete Barclay hologram.

The computer chirps in acknowledgement. ZIMMERMAN collapses into his chair in despair. He glances around the empty lab. FELIX meows and brushes against ZIMMERMAN's leg. ZIMMERMAN pats the cat.

THE END

—

Don't forget to also check out Caitlin, Ames, and Chris's stories from this year's Star Trek Day festivities. And next week, you definitely don't want to miss when we finally start in on Star Trek: Enterprise over on SoundCloud or wherever you get your podcasts, keep your eyes here for a new series of posts on the blog, hang out with us on Facebook and Twitter, and seize love while you have it (or at least make a hologram about it).

[crones-trash]

This is Important...

I'm going to share something here that only my children know. My reason is: I'm aware of speculation about someone's imminent wedding &, if I should die, I don't want anyone joking about it killing me.

So. I had a heart attack a little over a month ago. It was the "silent" type & I didn't even know I'd had one. I suffered a long episode of extreme shortness of breath that seriously disturbed me. Afterwards, all I knew was I felt like crap—feeble & fatigued w/ episodes of breathlessness during minor exertion.

I tried to get an appointment w/ my Primary Care Physician but the earliest opening on her calendar was a month away. Feeling desperate, I called the advice line at my healthcare provider, described what had happened & my continuing symptoms then asked if there was any way I could get an appointment w/ my PCP ASAP.

Instead, w/o a hint of what she suspected, the nurse asked if I could go to one of their clinics immediately. Well, sure. After an examination by a PA, I was sent for a chest X-ray & an EKG. Then it took days for the results to come in. The X-ray showed blockage in an aorta leading to my heart and the EKG confirmed I'd suffered damage to my heart muscle & had a heart rate below 60 bpm. For reference, normal heart rate is 80. An MD at the clinic emailed w/ the news that I'd had a silent heart attack. Well, fuck!

Suddenly, my PCP had an opening to see me. No shit, almost dying gets you to the front of the line. She started me on a new medication, told me she'd push me to the front of line to see a cardiologist, & told me when—not if—I had another episode to call the EMTs immediately because the next one might kill me! Fuckity-FUCK!

Ya'know, I never intended to live this long. I was thinking/feeling I had another 5 years or more of enduring chronic pain before I attained my lifetime quota of suffering. I was fully at peace w/ that prospect.

But now I could die this afternoon or tomorrow! I'll be glad to leave this body behind but I realized publishing my stories is something I'd like to get done before I'm gone. As I've gone thru my stories & essays, it's been like reliving my life—very therapeutic. I'm inclined now to go forward w/ putting the stories in autobiographical order instead of pulling out the funny ones for your enjoyment. They'll still be included in the order in which they occurred but the chapters before & after might not be entirely humorous. But they will still be WEIRD because I AM!

[dutifulsilence]

Link hadn't been aware that Ganon had left, deep asleep in the bed they'd rented at the inn. He'd been exhausted, traveling to get word to the other races of Hyrule in search of allies, preparing plans, and staying up late to think of strategies and contingencies. He'd known only that they were running out of time, that Zelda's next attack was imminent.

His dreamless sleep shifted into a nightmare, a vision of the throne room of Hyrule Castle, of Ganon facing Zelda with a threat on his lips. He couldn't hear anything in the nightmare, both of the others' voices muffled beneath a harsh buzzing in his ears. It wasn't like Link was standing in the throne room in the vision, more as though he were watching from above as Zelda attacked with her malice.

Heart pounding painfully in his chest, Link could only observe as Ganon struck the malice away, as Zelda's attacks became more powerful. He tried to cry out a warning to Ganon as he saw Zelda teleport behind his husband, silently screaming as malice rained down, burning everything it touched, including the man Link loved with every fiber of his being, heart, body, soul.

Ganon was dying, like in so many of Link's nightmares of late, and Link tried desperately to wake - he had to wake up, had to see his husband and assure himself that Ganon was fine. The nightmare held him fast.

Only when the scene shifted, to the hot springs where he and Ganon had first admitted their feelings for each other, shared their first kiss, did Link realize this was no nightmare at all - he was seeing across Hyrule in his sleep, witnessing real events, and watching helplessly as Ganon slipped away from the world, from him.

Link's scream as he woke, sitting upright in bed, was heart-wrenching, the sound of complete and utter desolation echoing from the inn, outside, and for quite some distance. His heart was shattered, pain lacing his scream, and only amplified as his left hand burned, the Triforce of Wisdom's searing light radiating from the mark on his hand and rippling through the inn, breaking windows, splintering wood, and burning fabric. Hot tears fell from glowing blue eyes as Link cried out.

"GANON...!"

[bracketsoffear]

The Graveyard Book (Neil Gaiman) "It tells the story of the boy Nobody "Bod" Owens, who is adopted and reared by the supernatural occupants of a graveyard after his family is brutally murdered."

Antsy Does Time (Neal Shusterman) "Fueled by friendship and sympathy, Antsy Bonano signs a month of his life over to his dying classmate Gunnar Umlaut. Soon everyone at school follows suit, giving new meaning to the idea of living on borrowed time. But does Gunnar really have six months to live, or is news of his imminent death greatly exaggerated? When his father suffers a heart attack after donating two years to Gunnar, Antsy wonders if he has tempted fate by playing God…"

[inhumanmadman]

[ I had one of those cinematic dreams again. Strap in. It's a wild ride.

So...Something was happening. It didn't make a whole lot of sense, but I will try my hand at explaining it. The sentinels were attacking the mutant nation of Genosha.

(Yes, I know. "But that doesn't exist anymore! Why would Maximus even be there?" It's not like my brain was obeying any version of canon, and Maximus wasn't there. Maximus will appear later. Give me a minute.)

Genosha crumpled like a paper bag under a tank. Everyone was wiped out, except one William Lehnsherr, my own alternate Billy Kaplan. He sat in stunned silence over the corpses of his beloved twin and grandfather, a sentinel looming overhead. Death was imminent. Until he had the typical Scarlet Witch moment. An epic scream. White light. Bodies around him gasped in the breath of life. Buildings reformed. And the sentinels evaporated into a fine sparkling dust. Billy then collapsed into unconsciousness. I don't blame him. Bringing people back to life has to be hard on a teenager.

Magneto jumped into action at that point, despite his shock. "Thomas, carry your brother inside. I have some calls to make."

The first call was to Namor, who was none the wiser about the slaughter. Magneto informed him, and Namor was not happy. I can only imagine what emotions that would have stirred in someone who had witnessed the actions of the Nazis. When asked if he would shelter some of the Genoshan population, he agreed, but only so many. His kingdom didn't have the oxygen to spare too many sets of lungs. Magneto agreed.

He then contacted Attilan. Medusa claimed to have seen the slaughter. (I...don't know how. We'll assume Magneto was having it broadcasted so the planet could see how mutants were being slaughtered like pests. You know, to gain sympathizers.) She was happy to hear they had all somehow survived. Attilan agreed to take the remaining Genoshan population.

Magneto ordered Tommy to take Billy with the group to Atlantis because, "There is no king more dangerous than Namor when his people are under siege. Make certain our people are in the heart of Atlantis, and he will protect them."

(That didn't make a lot of sense. Tommy is useless inside a submarine, while Magneto is perfectly able to use his powers inside of a submarine. He basically sent his grandchildren down in a sealed prison while giant robots were after them. Meanwhile, he was off to, what, cower behind Black Bolt?)

Genosha had a teleporter type...thing. The people just walked through to Attilan, which welcomed them with blankets, water, and food. Black Bolt greeted Magneto with a nod, before they both ascended to the highest flat point of the city, where they waited. While waiting, Magneto contacted Tommy.

"We're fine. I should be there, though. Billy is out cold. I feel like I'm babysitting him," he griped. He was told he had to be his brother's protector, before a rush of water spun the submarine around. There were no windows, only monitors, so Tommy looked up at the monitors to see Namor taking no chances. He saw a sentinel hot on the submarine's tail, so he was crushing it between his hands like an empty can of soda. After the chaos, Tommy responded to his grandfather's worried calls. "Yeah, we're fine. I have a fear boner now, though. Namor is intense."

There was a loud laugh on Magneto's side; Maximus had joined the two of them, along with Medusa and Crystal. "The others wanted to hear what was happening..."

"Shit--I mean--Sorry!" Tommy stammered.

Medusa sighed. "You're allowed one social faux pas after almost dying."

"Thank you, Medusa...ma'am...Uh, Queen Medusa I mean."

That was when Iron Man arrived. Underwater. Not his best decision, but he seemed to care about the boys. "How are you boys holding up?" he asked, hacked into their comms. He was greeted by the other voices, then apologized for being late. "Too late...I'm sorry. I saw everything from my satellite." His sorrowful words were interrupted by another sentinel attack, which they were warned about by SHIELD.

"Heads up, boys. We got another one coming in hot towards Atlantis." It was Samuel L. Jackson Fury in his own underwater craft following behind said sentinel.

Iron Man, Antonio (which makes two 1610 characters for some reason), was nigh useless, but he was distracting enough to enable Namor to do what he had to do.

When Fury's craft arrived on scene, a comm was ejected out of it to Namor, who clipped it to his ear. "Better late to the party than absent. We're tracking the trajectories of the robots. Does anyone have any info on them?"

"They are not built for this depth. I hear them creaking under the pressure," Namor told them.

Fury hummed. "Makes sense. They're only targeting mutants, and you're the only mutant who lives this far underwater. It doesn't make sense to prepare them all to kill just one mutant." Commotion on the line signaled a sentinel attack in Attilan. Then, a sound made anyone listening either cover their ears or pull the device away from their head. Black Bolt's voice. When it calmed down, Fury asked, "Is everything alright over there? I have some agents en route."

"All is well," Magneto told him, a little breathless. He hadn't fought, but Black Bolt's voice could be staggering. Behind him, Maximus was leaning over the edge of the building to see where the pieces of the sentinel had landed. Crystal had to pull him back by his coat so he wouldn't tumble over.

Some more commotion erupted over the comms, screams, then nothing. Fury cursed. "Well, I guess that plan didn't pan out...Keep an eye out for an incoming agent-killer. I'll send another team over if they come up with another plan."

Black Bolt positioned himself for another scream, but, just as he was about to unleash his power, Maximus placed a device in front of his mouth, which narrowed his attack area. It focused the damage into the chest of the sentinel. The head and body were separated, the head landing on the roof they were standing on. Maximus wiggled his fingers. "Oh, goodie~."

Namor sneered. "Is that Maximus?"

Magneto sighed. "I'm afraid so."

"Let him have his fun, as long as it helps," Antonio interjected.

Namor simply shook his head. His mood turned hostile, though, when he heard the approach of another sentinel. But, then, there was something else. Seeing a red glow, he was poised to attack when--

Antonio called out, "Wait wait! Stand down! It's dangerous, but it's not a robot. Everyone make way for Mama Bear. She needs through to her cubs."

Wanda moved through the water in an orb of magic before teleporting into the submarine. There, she sat by Tommy, who was cradling Billy's upper body, and touched both of their cheeks. She ensured the two of them were alright, before she finally asked how they were alive. She'd felt the emptiness of losing them. Tommy explained that Billy tapped into the Life Force, something he only seemed to be able to do when he needed...well, the force of life. Wanda sighed, both relieved and worried about her unconscious son.

There was a long stretched of time after the last attack, but everyone remained vigilant. Tommy was frustrated by his inability to help. "It feels like I'm gonna explode if I don't do something!"

"That's the adrenaline, Thomas. Embrace it. You don't want to be without it when you need it." The wise words of his far calmer grandfather.

Finally, Maximus broke the tense quiet. "I've got it! Take a listen!" On the line, there was a faint beeping, barely discernible from the static of wind to the average person.

Antonio smiled. "Oh yeah, baby, talk binary to me. Namor, if I die, tell Steve I died with a new man crush."

Maximus only laughed. Namor rolled his eyes.

Medusa asked what everyone was thinking. "What is it?"

Antonio told her, "Incoming instructions. Manual. Friday, are you getting this?"

"Every instruction," the computer confirmed.

"And that means--?" Tommy asked.

"It means someone is directing them to one of us as we speak. Whenever the sentinel arrives, we can follow the instructions in reverse back to their origin," Maximus explained.

"How did you tap into them? I've been trying to find their feed since I got here." Antonio was clearly impressed.

"I have one of their heads."

"Are you elbow deep in it right now?"

"Wrist deep at the moment."

"Dig deeper. Give me all the dirty details." He was definitely flirting. (This is not a ship I usually ship, so I have no idea where it came from.)

"Stark, we talked about you inviting crazy into your bed. He's not just certifiably insane, he's certified," Fury warned him.

"And no one wants to hear nerd flirting."

Namor smirked at Tommy's comment. Teenagers were amusing sometimes, even to the king of Atlantis.

Time ticked by, everyone listening to each beep and holding their breath. Which one of them was going to be attacked?

Just as a sentinel came into view, it exploded, leaving a cloud of smoke and a badass backdrop for a craft and some flying backup on the horizon. Landing on the rooftop in Attilan, the mutants of Krakoa (Look, I don't know. I--There's two mutant factions in this world, I guess.) surrounded Magneto. Charles embraced him. "I came as soon as I heard. I'm sorry I'm so late, my friend..."

"I'm just glad to see you're unhurt," Erik told him.

They discussed their plans of action, settling on following the signal back to their origin with a team fit for destroying a small army of sentinels. Medusa and Namor both protested. What if it was a trap? They'd be down some of their key fighters. "If it isn't a trap, we can't risk throwing away what could be our only opportunity to destroy them," Charles explained.

So a team consisting of many mutants, including Charles Xavier, Magneto, Wolverine, Quicksilver, and Wanda (not currently the Scarlet Witch for whatever reason) flew in the Krakoan craft to the location of where the sentinels were coming from. There was an anxiety-inducing battle, where many close calls were had. Magneto slapped a device onto one of the sentinels at one point, and it began to attack the other sentinels. He exclaimed what was happening like a 60's comic. "I placed the device on the robot, and, now, it's acting as our ally!"

Maximus cackled over the comms. "Its programming was overridden by my own!"

Iron Man arrived on scene. He couldn't miss out on the epic climax. "Oooh, you and I have got to get together sometime."

"You can duplicate it easily, Stark. It's universal~."

Stark groaned as he copied the device's code and relayed it to the other sentinels. At that point, the mutants barely had to fight. The fight was won. When they found the person responsible for it all, he was dead by his own hand. Antonio didn't care, though. He tapped into his console. "I'm in."

"Are you?" Maximus teased.

"I'm in, and I have every dirty detail. Wanna hear it?" Antonio teased back.

"Tell me."

"They copy mutant powers."

Maximus gasped. "Impossible. Tell me more~."

"By [insert my brain's nonsense here]."

"Through what?"

"[Again, of course I wouldn't have an actual answer for it.]."

Maximus literally moaned, which Medusa scolded him for. "Genius. I utilized [blank] to counter the Fantastic Four, but that, that wasn't nearly as creative."

Antonio was smirking inside his suit. "I guess he was kinkier than you."

"I wish I'd met him."

"Well, maybe I should keep some of these details to myself, and you can hear them over...dinner on Friday?"

"Stark, no!" Fury yelled over the communicator. Stark cut him out.

"Stealing a man's techniques for a date. Shameless, Stark. Time and place?"

"Maximus, absolutely not!" Medusa interjected, but she was simply ignored.

"My California mansion. 1800 Pacific."

"I will be there. Whether my family approves or not."

Now, there was more. It involved kinky sex that left bruises on Maximus, the death of Antonio Stark, and a clash between SHIELD, the Avengers, and the Inhumans, but I'm now too tired to type it out. :|

Fin. ]