#oh also because i know some random pedant is going to wonder

[soundbulb]

technically, I was in a family that was in a cult until I was around 15 (my mom had definitely pulled away from it by then, but that was the point where she was ready to put her foot down and say none of us kids could be forced to participate) and you'd think some religious trauma would result, but maybe because someone I trusted came to bat for me it didn't. I don't know, this religion was also not present at all in anything else. I was never religious or living by it when I was made to go to church, and nobody in my family -- except probably my dad, who is a pretty oblivious person -- ever seemed to notice or think any which way about it.

but I am....I don't mean to criticize how people deal with trauma, but I do feel like a lot things unpacking religious trauma end up doing some favors for religious institutions. like they do portray them as beautiful and sublime and profound feeling -- and for some people, that's probably just how it felt. and maybe it's because I was in a religion that was particularly cheap and nascent and american, but when I see the revival tent in true detective season 1, I'm like, yeah, that's more the feeling. the folding chairs and the ill fitting dress clothes and a dozen people at varying degrees of attentiveness. theriot's a way better orator than anyone at the church I went to though. my church building didn't look very different from an office building in the 70s and our "communion" involved a room full of screaming babies crawling around on the carpet between rows of plastic chairs and a bunch of adults pretending it wasn't loud as hell while someone rambled absolute nonesense at a cheap faux wood paneled pulpit. our sacrament was wonder bread and tap water. swagless and unchic institution to be very frank. we didn't even have paid preachers, randoms in the congregation were assigned talks, so you can imagine how underwhelming the writing and delivery was. people regurgitating the same talking points off some flashcards. some of them sound like they can't read. here's the average talk by the way, I can break it down for you: pick a word that's run into the ground in your niche religious world, then pedantically redefine it for five minutes, with multiple cringe inducing moments of emphasis. introduce a false dichotomy. pick at some low hanging fruit. throw a pregnant pause in there somewhere -- doesn't even matter where. bare your testimony, and make sure you fake cry a little. I'm actually really good at imitating this specific fake cry, I call it [REDACTED RELIGIOUS AFFILIATION] tears and it cracks my family up. especially-- this one time I was taken to do baptisms for the dead as a little field trip but I knew none of it ahead of time because I never paid attention, so we just got up and went across the parking lot to the temple, which I'd never been inside, and we had to change and put on these booties to walk inside. and there was the baptismal font and I was like wtf I don't want to get dunked (I hated my baptism, they dunked me three times because my hair kept floating up and they had two of us get baptized one after another because they didn't wanna run up their water bill by refilling the font -- just a big bathtub with stairs to the bathroom -- multiple times that month. and the boy who went before me had a crazy family that was huge and they made a whole spectacle). and I was like I don't want to get wet wtf. anyway this kid ahead of me peed in the font, which sucks for him, but none of us had to go in after. so sometimes when I do my [REDACTED] tears I'll be like "and I know *getting choked up* *half hearted laugh* sorry-- *deep breath* I know god looks after all his children *audibly speaking through tears* because he knew that day-- *haltingly* that I couldn't go in the font-- so he made sure-- that someone pissed-- oh wow *tears are ramping up, smile, gracefully wipe them away, you're overcome with the spirit* he made sure someone pissed in that font. so I wouldn't have to go in. I know god looks after us and this church is true. in the name of jesus christ amen" and imagine you do this into a sea of faces that are completely zoned out or gritting their teeth as the yank their child off someone else's skirt. then get down and shuffle back to your seat with your four screaming toddlers. when I was in church I could not imagine the broken psyche that would produce such a display, so I was especially confounded when someone I knew and thought was normal "bared their testimony". I was a weird kid to be very honest and to me these antics seems obscene in a way I can only now call masturbatory. but at the time I would've sounded weird expressing it, because I probably would've said it was debasing.

the kid that peed in the font would probably be in his early 20s right now and he's probably mortified by that memory. he's kind of my hero though. I guess I could've said I was on my period but honestly can't imagine admitting I menstruate into the clay caste face of one of those uncanny valley priesthood holders. maybe. they were mostly med students and they usually just looked kind of tired and desperate, they weren't intimidating -- almost the opposite. a meaner kid would've taken their demeanor as an invitation to bully them, but I was quiet. the men did try to do that spiritual beam though, where they'd fake this bright self assuredness. as an adult I know they're probably trying to look peaceful and serene, like this meditative aura surrounds them, but they end up looking really stiff and you can tell they're way too aware of their face. most of em don't do this, but a lot of the bishopric did. anyway, it was just very strange to me because both the area I lived in and my actual household was not culturally in line with this religion at all, so I'd go into church and for three hours live in this absolutely surreal alternate reality, and then there'd be no trace of it once we left the parking lot. by all metrics it seemed like my family did NOT like church and it was this embarrassing thing they wouldn't acknowledge except under threat of death. always wondering why we did that. I'm saying all this because I just saw a blog that was like "working through religious trauma" and then had a bunch of beautiful and erotic images of pieta sculptures and saints in ecstasy. don't mean to sound dubious, I know my religion was probably just lame as hell. doesn't even have any mystics.

[bigskydreaming]

Okay, so you know “Justice League meets Batman’s kids, who they’d previously been unaware existed” AUs?

So picture that.....but this time, instead of them just having no knowledge of any of these other Gotham vigilantes at all....the Batkids all migrate to various cities as they get older and become known as their protectors - Dick in Bludhaven, Tim in San Francisco, Cass in Hong Kong, etc....

Meaning they’re all established figures, the Justice League are aware of them as solo local heroes who stick to their cities and so they just don’t interact with them much if at all, or else some are members of team lineups but are particularly vague about their histories or life outside of the team’s adventures....

So the big reveal isn’t that they become aware of all these other Gotham vigilantes all at once....its that some big conflict or whatever requires a huge team up of all available heroes, and in the aftermath, they figure out that like.....despite being known as solo heroes who work alone or loners outside of their team settings, 80% of these heroes all not only seem to already know each other, they seem to be related.

And so naturally they all turn to Batman, who has profiles on every known hero and they thus figure had researched these individuals too and just never mentioned this little detail, and they’re like, “Did you know about this?”

And then Nightwing turns to him too, arms crossed and is like, “Yeah Dad, did you know about this?”

And the infamous Red Hood is all: “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I have never met any of these people before in my life. Lives? Whatever.”

And then Red Robin moodily grates out “I have no siblings.” Since he’s nursing a grudge since Dick and Jason broke into his apartment the night before and replaced all his custom Red Robin gear with Darkwing Duck merchandise and his vengeance will be swift and also totally disproportionate because things escalate quickly in this family, that’s true in every universe.

Cass meanwhile has deftly skewered Jason’s lie by walking over to him and brazenly patting down the man with many many guns with no fear whatsoever. He squawks and futilely attempts to bat her hands away as she riffles through his many pockets, but he doesn’t seem shocked, just annoyed. Eventually, she pulls away and triumphantly reveals a box of Hello Kitty themed band-aids.

“So these are yours then? Just for you?” Black Bat asks smugly. Red Hood squints at the box.

“What the fuck? How long have those been in my jacket? Why are those in my jacket? Did you freaking plant them in my jacket just on the offchance you could at some point in the distant future use them at my expense?”

Black Bat frowns, puzzled. “Yes?”

“Oh come on, Dead Hood,” Spoiler says with an exaggerated toss of her head meant to convey she’s rolling her eyes beneath her own mask. She skips her way across the room to Black Bat and then drapes herself languidly all over the smaller woman. Who in turn doesn��t so much as twitch beneath the sudden added mass as Spoiler holds out her hand towards the box of band-aids. 

“One please. I have a boo-boo,” she says with easy familiarity straight into the intimidating cowl of Black Bat. Only then does she deign to finish her train of thought with Red Hood.

“I mean seriously, are you saying you don’t have potential blackmail set-ups, pre-rigged releases of incriminating material, and a random assortment of traps, pratfalls and mortifying scenarios in place for the express purpose of being able to humiliate any and all of your siblings at any given moment, without any need for additional prep time?”

“Is this true, Little Wing?” Nightwing whirls on the larger Red Hood with a faux-scandalized gasp. The founder and leader of the Titans, formerly the Teen Titans, renowned for his stratagems and calm competence when directing squads of supers in the heat of battle while he keeps pace with nothing more than naturally acquired acrobatics and a utility belt that apparently uses the same technology as Wonder Woman’s invisible jet....now appears to be....staggering with the back of his hand pressed to his forehead, moaning about how he felt....faint? 

What is happening right now, several dozen superheroes want to know. Is this a drill? Are they supposed to be checking for signs of a mental ambush from undetected psychic saboteurs? Did they all hit their heads at the exact same time and are now experiencing some kind of shared mass concussion?

Look, that wouldn’t be the weirdest thing to ever happen on the Watchtower. 

“Have I failed you so utterly?” The veteran child hero bemoans with a dramatic twirl - that when contrasted with his stern demeanor of a mere ten minutes ago - makes the fears of telepathic infiltration seem less paranoia and more....concerningly probable. “Did you learn nothing from me? Did you learn nothing from B?”

He stops and jabs a finger up at the sky. “Quick, everyone! What is the very first rule of Living While Batty?”

As if by rote, over a half a dozen voices chime in from all over the room, causing various heroes to jump. Spooked by yet more and more vigilantes joining in some kind of mass recitation like they and they alone have some kind of clue what the hell is going on and everyone else just hadn’t been invited to the party. Which is just rude, honestly. Nobody likes feeling like they weren’t invited to the party. Not even superheroes. 

“If you’re not going to bother preparing for every possible contingency and at least six impossible ones, you might as well just stay in bed.”

Even the Red Hood joins in the Illuminati chant or Cub Scout pledge or demonic ritual or whatever the fuck that just was, though his slumped and exasperated posture gives away every hint of sulkiness his headgear otherwise would have kept safely hidden. He’s surprisingly more...expressive, than most who’d only known of him by reputation had expected him to be. The day continues to yield surprises.

“Of fucking course I do,” he growls out, snatching the box from Black Bat. She doesn’t even fight to hold onto it, just lets it go with a knowing smirk. “I wasn’t surprised by the idea of it, I was just surprised she bothered with such a weak effort. Like yeah whatever, actually those could be mine. I use those all the time at home. So what?”

He aggressively yanks one of the band-aids out of the box, fumbles with the peel-off strips with one hand and he roughly rolls up the sleeve of his jacket with the other. Then just slaps it on his forearm and raises said appendage high, showing it off this way and that. “See?”

“Oh yeah, for sure,” Signal drawls from the other side of the room, nodding his head approvingly. “Totally convincing. Nice job walking that one back, you really showed them.”

Red Hood’s head snaps in his direction with ominous intent. “Watch it, Day-Glo.”

Signal just snorts.

“Yeah, like I’m gonna take constructive criticism on my name and costume from a dude who’s spent the last several years calling himself Red HOOD while running around in a freaking HELMET.”

“Its not meant to be literal, you fucking pedant.”

“So wait, its not literally a helmet? Huh, does it at least protect your head literally, or just like...symbolically? Like if Bane were to clock you across the head, would your concussion just be a metaphor? What’s the treatment protocol for a metaphorical concussion? Fluids, bedrest and a philosophical prescription of two chapters of Chicken Soup for the Soul as needed?”

“Laugh it up, KC and the Sunshine Band,” Red Hood bats back. “You just got yourself disinvited from Thursday night’s poker game.”

Signal just grins and folds his arms over his chest cockily. “Please. You’ve been looking for an excuse to ban me for weeks, cuz you know until you can prove I’m using my ghost vision to cheat, you can’t actually bring suit against me for it in Family Court.”

“That, and also Family Court isn’t a real thing, you toddler. Stop validating Wing-a-ding-ding’s obsession with Shitty TV Nostalgia and just call it that thing where Oracle traps us all in a room until we settle our latest fight without anyone getting stabbed.”

“Yeah, but like, say that five times fast,” Spoiler pipes up. “Its just not practical. Family Court’s way easier.”

“Says the one who’s not even in our fucking family.”

“And yet I grace you all with my sublime presence anyway,” she blows a kiss at him, beatifically unbothered. “You’re welcome.”

The Red Hood scoffs and rounds on his heel, zeroing in on Batwoman in the far corner.

“Hey Auntie B, my siblings are all dead to me and I just helped stop an alien invasion so I deserve nice things like a fun Saturday night. Can you get me into Dad’s fundraiser so I can crash it? He won’t put me back on the list until I promise not to bring any C-4 with me and I won’t promise not to bring any C-4 because he should just trust me that I won’t when I say I’m not gonna and he won’t trust me that I won’t until I admit I shouldn’t have brought any to that sting last month where three tiny little yachts blew up through barely any fault of my own, and I’m just not gonna do that ever because I have convictions and I feel I shouldn’t have to be punished for that. Y’know?”

Batwoman blinks at him. “Kid, I’m not gonna lie to you. You’re my nephew and I love you, but I stopped listening three seconds into all that.”

“Ugh, fine. Can you help me crash Dad’s event tonight so I can teach him a lesson about why he should just trust me not to make a scene so I don’t have to always make a scene to make a point.”

“Tempting as you make that sound,” she says wryly, “I have a strict policy for dealing with you lot and your......everything. I only worry about tolerating one of you at a time, and there’s seven of you, and seven days in the week. You each get your own. You know perfectly well its Robin’s day today. You get me on Tuesday, just like always.”

“Auntie B, we’re not like other families, are we?” Red Robin’s delivery is sarcastically childish and his question clearly rhetorical. Most of his attention is fixated on whatever it is he’s doing with his wrist-mounted computer. 

“No sweetie, we’re all severely fucked in the head and a little bit too comfortable with that.”

“Just checking. Oh hey, Hood, I just emailed you a patch for the hole in your firewall I exploited when replacing all my shit using your accounts just now.”

“You did what?”

“Used your accounts to pay to replace all my stuff that you fucked with last night?” Red Robin says slowly. “Did you not realize that I’ve been sticking within ten feet of you for the past five minutes just so I could clone your devices and do all that while BB and Spoiler kept you distracted? I gotta say, bro, I feel like that’s on you then.”

Red Hood swivels his helmeted head in the direction of the aforementioned two. Black Bat waves. Spoiler shoots him an utterly unrepentant thumbs up.

“You’d side with your ex over me? That’s what its come to?”

“My only allegiance is to chaos,” Spoiler says brightly. Black Bat shrugs.

“Plus he bribes better.”

“Hateful,” Red Hood points at Black Bat, moving on to level the same finger at Spoiler, who curtsies in acknowledgment: “Hateful-er.”

Then the finger rounds the bases to aim judgmentally at Red Robin. “Hateful-est. And that was all Nightwing’s idea anyway, not mine.”

“Oh, I assumed as much,” he says casually. “Your idea of a prank tends to have more of a Carrie vibe. Or be a literal literary reenactment.”

“Its called an homage, 4chan.”

“Whatever, plagiarist. And anyway, I couldn’t go after ‘Wing for payback on this one. He used an Immunity card. If you didn’t want me getting back at you, you should have used one too."

Red Hood looms aggressively. Red Robin ignores willfully. Round and round they go. Superheroes who can survive excessive G-Forces are getting dizzy just watching them have a largely motionless stand-off. That shouldn’t be how that works, but whatever. All the most infamously reclusive and isolated heroes in all hero-dom are apparently part of the same one big reclusive and isolated family of fucked up weirdos and they’re all officially bonkers. Nothing makes sense anymore. Reality broke. Try another stall.

“Okay, but see, in order to have an Immunity card, I would have to participate in one of you losers’ stupid Immunity challenges,” the Red Hood drags out with exaggerated patience. “And I’m just not going to do that, on account of those all being fucking stupid. You see the problem there?”

Red Robin just shrugs. “I don’t know what to tell you, bro. You can have principles or you can have an Immunity card. You can’t have both.”

Meanwhile, on another side of....the same room.....look, its like, an octagonal room, probably. It has a lot of sides. Robin fends off questions from an aggrieved looking Superboy.

“You never told me you had a bajillion brothers and sisters!”

“Yes but I never said I didn’t either.”

Superboy rolls his eyes. “Oh yeah, so I should just assume everyone I meet has a bajillion secret brothers and sisters?”

“Well clearly it would have worked out in your favor in this instance if you had, now wouldn’t it?”

“Assuming of course that you can trust what has been said or implied here today and I am actually related to any of those numbskulls. Which I am not actually admitting to,” Robin tacks on hastily.

Superboy eyes him dubiously. “You joined in the same creepy chant all the others did and then got super self-conscious and looked around to see if anyone had noticed. Which uh. I did.”

“First off, your interpretation of body language is abyssmal. I do not get self-conscious,” Robin says with a delivery that probably could have benefited from being a little less self-conscious. “And second....that proves nothing. I guessed what they were going to say.”

“Word for word,” Superboy says super-skeptically.

“I’m very good at guessing things. You know this.”

“Okay. Guess how much I believe you right now then.”

Robin glares and folds his arms grumpily across his chest. 

“And what was that anyway? Was that like....you guys’ family motto or something like that?”

“Oh no,” Spoiler pipes up. “That’s much shorter.”

Superboy balks at that. “Wait, you guys actually have one of those for real?”

“Yup,” Steph says, counting out the words with her fingers. “He who laughs last....probably works for the Joker. So tranq him just to be safe. See? Only sixteen words. The first rule of Living While Batty is way longer, and what we said was just the abridged version. You should hear the original, before Black Bat put her foot down and refused to memorize it unless sizable edits were made.”

Superboy hovers between her and Robin now, both in mid-air and on the verge of taking Spoiler’s words as an invitation to hear just that. A low growl arises from Robin’s direction.

“Must you?” He asks the older vigilante, with a most put upon expression.

She looks at him pityingly. “Do you actually need me to answer that? Like, we’ve met, right? Hi, I’m Spoiler.”

“Wait, so Robin said that I just never specifically asked him if he had a bajillion brothers and sisters, and that’s why he didn’t tell me, so that means he wouldn’t have just lied and there’s not some code of secrecy that flat out forbids telling other people stuff, right?” Superboy realizes excitedly.

“Yes, excellent direction. Go on,” Spoiler says, steepling her fingers. Robin buries his face in the palm of one hand.

“Soooo, what other stuff could you tell me about Robin’s super top secret family that I wouldn’t think to ask about but that he would tell me about if I knew what questions to ask?”

She claps once, lightly but with emphasis. “Well done. You’ve passed the first barrier. Untold secrets await you behind just a few more.”

“I’ll get you for this,” Robin vows calmly. She waves a hand at him.

“Yeah, yeah. Just make sure you do it before January 1st, remember? You’ve promised retribution like ten times already this year and those don’t roll over, y’know. Rules are rules.”

“Enough!” Thunders a voice then, from the front of the room. Well one of the fronts anyway. Like sides, it has a lot of them, but this is the one where Batman’s standing. All eyes snap to him. Which is kinda just what eyes do when Batman says stuff like that. Its like his superpower, except he doesn’t actually have superpowers, which is what makes it scary. But where the snapping of the eyes (directional) is usually followed by Batman saying something else besides just “hey look at me,” here he pauses in the wake of his own call to attention’s waning reverberations. Uncharacteristically silent.

Not that, y’know, he’s normally Mr. Talkity Talk, but usually his silences feel like he has the words to fill them, he’s just withholding them. This though, this feels more like he doesn’t have any words at all. And he’s as confused by it as any of them, and most everyone else is confused by Batman being confused, and its this whole trickle down economy of confusion and its wrecking havoc on the value of the golden silence standard.

Of course, not everyone present is rendered spellbound with confusion.

“C’mon B,” Nightwing cajoles, leaning forward and practically radiating delight. “I think you know what you have to do now. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Its not likely to come around again.”

Red Hood snickers beneath his helmet and chimes in. “Yeah Pops, go ahead. You do this and you’ll actually have my respect for a whole twenty four hours. No, wait. Sixteen. No! Eight. Yeah, eight. Still a good deal.”

“Carpe diem, B,” Red Robin grins, leaning back as if to enjoy the show.

“Hey! Infringe on my trademark one more time, dude,” Signal throws a faux-glare at the former. Red Robin just quirks an eyebrow.

“And what, you’ll start saying Yum every time you eat a burger? Oh no. I’m hoist by my own petard.”

Signal flips him off with a grin and then redirects his attention back to Batman. “Yeah seriously though B, you kinda gotta do it now. Because if you don’t do it, then you’ll forever be the guy who didn’t do it, and you don’t want to be that guy, do you?”

“Yeah you really don’t want to be that guy,” Spoiler shouts out. “Nobody likes that guy. He’s the worst.”

“Do it, do it,” Black Bat starts chanting beside her, steadily picking up speed and volume. Several others start joining in. Even Robin appears to be slightly anticipatory, albeit trying very hard to hide it.

Batman sighs, and somehow everyone manages to hear it. Stills. Waits for....something? Nobody but them seems to have any clue what, but the air is thick and heavy with portentiousness. Something is about to happen, and all most of the heroes present could say for sure is it was something they never would have in a million years seen coming.

Finally, Batman straightens with the resigned air of a man about to have oh so many regrets. He crosses his arms, shakes his head, and in an absolute deadpan monotone, says:

“You are awful children. You know you’re killing me. You’re killing your father.”

[natsubeatsrock]

Should Lisanna have come back? (Part 1)

This might be a sign that I don't have much to talk about regarding Fairy Tail. I'm not sure that I would talk about this years ago. 

But that's a good thing, right? After all, I'm a lot more suited to write this now than before Fairy Tail ended. My writing has greatly improved over the years. The kinds of posts I made back in the day are not as well written as the stuff I’m writing now.

Not to mention, I have the perfect template to structure my answer to this question. I don't think it's as simple as answering that one question. So, similar to my post about Stain from last year, I've decided to answer this by answering three questions: "Does it make sense that Lisanna didn't die?", "Has Lisanna impacted the series much since coming back?" and "Is there any benefit to Lisanna coming back?" Despite what fans will say, these are three different questions. And each question deserves its own distinct answer. As such, I've decided to break up each part into its own post. (read: I've learned from my dealing with the Stain question.)

Question #1: Does it make sense that Lisanna didn't die?

Answer: Yes!

Oh? You thought I'd have a different answer? 

As it stands, this is not the first time I've answered this question. And every time I come to answer this question, I become more convinced that this is the right answer. It makes sense that Lisanna was still alive after the series.

Naturally, this is a controversial statement. Lisanna's return to the series has been treated as a bad thing. This is seen as one of, if not the worst things that Mashima has done for Fairy Tail. He took a character that had an obvious death and brought her back seemingly for no reason. 

Of course, the latter half of that charge is the point of the next question. But, for now, it's worth talking about the first half.

If you read Fairy Tail, the idea that Lisanna was missing was hinted at long before we learned what happened. There are hints towards it even as early as the second chapter. Mirajane talks to Lucy about the scars Fairy Tail members have and hinted at her own scars. Later on, in the Lullaby arc, Natsu is asked by Kageyama why Mirajane has stopped working, somewhat rhetorically. (Consider that this exchange happened on a train.) We even learn that before the series started, Mira was an S-Class Mage. Something serious had to be responsible for that to have stopped. 

Of course, the anime handled things differently. The episode before the Phantom Lord arc properly starts is "Natsu and the Dragon Egg". Lucy learns the story of how Natsu and Lisanna hatched Happy out of an egg. That episode ends with Lucy wondering why she hasn't seen Lisanna around the guild. There's a bit of an extra kick to this. If you've been watching the endings up to this point, you'll know the second ending ends with a frame of Natsu, Happy, and Lisanna. If you're watching this for the first time, you finally know who this is. And hopefully have an idea of what's up.

Fast forward to the Phantom Lord arc, and the truth is revealed. Mirajane and Elfman lost their sister after a mission went wrong. He attacked his sister after losing control of a take-over form. None of them have been the same since. Their sister was dead.

Only there's one problem with this. We're never shown that Lisanna died.

We're told that Lisanna is dead by her siblings. She's mourned over by her friends and family. She's presumed to be dead by the characters of the series. We even get to see the events that lead to her untimely demise expounded on in the anime. But even then, it never goes as far as showing that Lisanna was actually dead. 

That may sound like a random and pedantic point, but it really isn't.

Consider this. Two arcs after Phantom Lord, we learn about Erza's past. An important person in her life was Rob. He's the one that taught her about magic and inadvertently led her to Fairy Tail. In Erza's backstory, he also shares a tragic demise, which works as the trigger for Erza unlocking her magic.

But there's an important difference between Rob and Lisanna: we actually see him die. We see his body drop dead, and his loss of life. It's not just something we hear characters talk about. It's something we see happen for ourselves.

This is one of the more frustrating things about character death: if there isn't a body, it's not confirmed. There are exceptions to this, but death isn't permanent unless you see the person in question die and confirmed dead. Mashima has gone on record to say that he doesn't feel he would ever bring characters back from the dead. At the same time, he does enjoy writing characters that seemed to have died come back seemingly from the dead. 

One of the most famous examples of this is Captain America from Marvel. If you didn't know, Steve Rogers is a character that predated the Stan Lee era of the company. (They were known as Timely Comics at the time.) He was popular when the US was in World War II. Soon after it ended, he didn't find much sustainability. 

However, as Marvel started to gain a new mythos and identity, he was formally reintroduced with the backstory that fans likely know about him now. He was on a mission and went under the ice for decades. Eventually, he was revived and became the leader of the Avengers.

Though, how is Lisanna's disappearance explained?

She was taken up as part of Anima in Edolas. When we finally see what happened that day, we see that her body was teleported to Edolas. With everything that happened to her, the other Strauss kids weren't unjustified for thinking their sister died, even if she wasn't with them. It's not as if what happened to her could have been more believable to them.

But the most important character in solving this entire situation may be one you'd expect: Mystogan. In the Phantom Lord arc, he's most well known for taking down all of the extra Phantom Lord branches. However, he's also responsible for collecting Makarov's scattered magic after Aria took it away from him. And, naturally, the character he tells these things to happens to be Porylusica.

And later in the Fantasia arc, he is revealed to be an alternate form of Jellal. In fact, he happens to be the Jellal that Wendy knew when she was younger. If there are two Jellals and one is clearly from Earth, where did the other come from?

These things are all clarified in the Edolas arc. He comes from an alternate dimension where people are almost the opposite of how they are. People in Edolas can't use magic freely. Therefore, their king has been using Anima to take magic from Earthland so he can use it for him- 

I mean... so that the people of Edolas will be able to use magic as they want.

As you can imagine, Mystogan has problems with this, especially when it means turning the Earthland version of Fairy Tail, and the rest of Magnolia, into lacrima. Much of Edolas involves his orchestration of the plot to save both worlds. However, this also involves him sending people to Edolas from Earthland. He sends Gajeel and Lucy to Edolas and presumably could have helped Wendy and Carla. He even goes to Edolas himself at the end of the arc.

When Natsu, Happy, Wendy, and Carla go to Fairy Tail's version of Edolas they actually meet Lisanna. They believe that it's just Edolas Lisanna, even as Edolas has versions of Lucy, Wendy, and plenty of other members of Fairy Tail. Though, there are some subtle hints regarding her true origin. As the guild is explaining their plight to the team, Natsu notices that Lisanna is leaving the guildhall. She'd have no real reason to leave if she wasn't somehow connected to them and we learn that's the reason she left. 

Also, there's a fun little detail that I admittedly picked up from TVTropes.com. In the chapter cover for Bye, Bye Fairy Tail, the chapter where the characters start to return from Edolas, the members of Edolas Fairy Tail are symbolically wishing the other members goodbye. You'll never guess who's missing from this cover: Lisanna. Of course, other members are missing, including Mira. However, Lisanna isn't an insignificant omission from this cover.

Now I understand what one complaint might be. I'm able to make all of these explanations for Lisanna returning because we have the complete context for the series. Even if any of this makes sense, there's no way that someone who was reading Fairy Tail as it was coming out could have come to the conclusion that Lisanna not actually dying makes sense.

Consider the following: the director of Fairy Tail originally planned to treat Lisanna as if she hadn't actually died. Of course, that might not mean much to the anime we got considering she would be revealed not to have died in the manga either. However, consider that Shinji Ishihira, without the benefit of the Edolas arc, came to the conclusion that the most reasonable way to handle Lisanna was that she wasn't dead.

To be continued...

[imuybemovoko]

I die inside while dissecting Jesus music, part 2

Oh, did the pause in my posts lately make you think I was done with emotional self-harm?

Apparently we both have lessons to learn, because here we go again.

I have a shitload of this stuff squirreled away in a youtube playlist I haven’t deleted yet for essentially this exact reason. I felt like it might be a good thing for me to go through and deconstruct some of the songs. That or I’ve just gotten used to suffering. Can’t tell; don’t care.

Trigger warning, of course. If Jesus music is going to mess with your head too much, please for the love of all that you find holy find something more wholesome to read. 

Now that I’ve started down this dark path, I start to wonder, when was the last time I talked about my worldbuilding and other crazy hobbies? I’ve been yelling about my trauma a lot lately. Anyway...

Let’s do this. 

"Rhetoric is the art of ruling the minds of men." -Plato, apparently. 

If, like me, you like suffering enough to look at the song I’ll be analyzing, here it is. I’m looking at Matt Redman’s “Gracefully Broken” today. This song also features Tasha Cobbs Leonard. This felt weird as shit to listen back to. 

I’ll be using the transcription of the lyrics on Genius as my main source for the actual words in the song, though the video I’ve linked does have lyrics on screen as it plays. 

Without any further ado, let’s get into the structure of this fucker. There’s about 25 seconds of instrumental to start this studio recording out, then the first verse plays. The last line, “Set me on fire”, is sung twice, and then in this case the entire first verse plays again. (Holy shit contemporary Christian songwriters like repeating things. Did I say that enough last time?)

After this, the chorus plays through once and you basically smash cut right into the second verse. The second verse is half the length of the first one and the words are only said once. In this case, the repetition does that trick where it uses KJV-flavored language and then modern language to say a similar thing twice: “ You won't forsake me, You will be with me”. 

Then the chorus plays twice, each time followed by a random tag that reiterates something within the chorus and, in the case of the first one, isn’t found in the lyrics on Genius. I read it as a musical flourish coupled with the lyrical equivalent of yelling “AMEN” during a church service when the pastor says something you find cool. (Not all churches do this). 

Genius does something I find a touch unusual here, but I think it makes sense with the way the song plays. It lists two sections as “bridge 1″ and “bridge 2″. After this repeated chorus, bridge 1 plays, repeating the first line twice, the second original line twice, and the last line of the thing four times. After this, there’s another doubled chorus. This time, with even more amen flourishes. 

Then the instrumental goes really chill and the second bridge comes in. This is a stanza that they repeat six times (Genius lists it four times) while they slowly build the instrumentals back up and, since in this case there are two singers in Youtube’s edition of this, Redman drops out and Tasha, who he’s featuring on this, sings the first two repetitions of this while Redman does amen tags. On the third one, they switch roles. On the fourth one, they each sing the entire section but Redman leads and Cobbs follows like a round. Then, they have this entire chorus setup on the last two repetitions. 

This is the climax of the song. And then everything goes really chill again. They sing the chorus once and then everything fades out to one last piano chord, fade to black. That’s the structure in the youtube video. It’s not exactly uncommon for studio recordings of songs like this, though at live events, Jesus camps, and some church services people will repeat sections of this ad nauseam because of course. Even this structure works to cement ideas really strongly, as if every single fucking thing the song says is very important. I find that this doesn’t happen remotely as often in secular music to anything approaching this degree. They’ll repeat the chorus, sometimes you’ll have lines repeated, sometimes you get a bridge that’s four lines a few times over, but it’s not like this. 

Alright. On to the actual content of this thing. 

This is going to hurt a bit. :^) 

I’ll do the verses, then the chorus, then the bridges. This shit isn’t going chronologically. That would suck. 

Take all I have in these hands And multiply, God, all that I am And find my heart on the altar again Set me on fire, set me on fire Take all I have in these hands And multiply, God, all that I am And find my heart on the altar again Set me on fire, set me on fire

This repeats twice; I won’t go over it twice. 

Take all I have in these hands is basically saying “I surrender to you”. Which is a thing that’ll come back up a fuck of a lot in this song. It’s kind of the whole message... with a twist I’ll get to later that gets really cursed. This is a message that speaks of letting go of control of one’s life so God can do whatever with it. It’s like a surrendering of agency, at least the way it plays out in fundagelical circles like the one I left a year and a month ago. 

And multiply, God, all that I am is, aside from being a sentence that’s weirdified so it fits in a song better, is directly addressing God by name, making this entire thing addressed that way. This basically refers to the concept within at least some strains of Christianity where God is said to increase what people are and what they’re capable of when they’re “right with him”. This is, at least possibly, also a reference to Matthew 13:8 (Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown), which uses a metaphor that relates, as I was taught about it, the word of God to someone sowing seeds into a field, where sometimes you yeet the seeds and they land in rocks and screwy circumstances but other times they grow and give a good crop. I’m inclined to read this line as asking God to fulfill this in the singer’s life because of how heavy of a focus is placed on the concept it contains in many churches. Redman might not have intended it to refer to this necessarily here, but it’s the kind of metaphor and the kind of language that people very often use even if it’s not a conscious reference. 

And find my heart on the altar again implies some kind of re-dedication of the core of the singer’s being to God. There’s this strong tendency in your spicier churches towards thinking that believers continually need to re-commit themselves to God after having been distracted; this is at least one of the things that it refers to. I suppose Redman knows his audience. This can also be taken as a reference to Romans 12:1-2, since an altar implies sacrifice most of the time. My instinct is to say it plays both roles. 

After that you have this Set me on fire, set me on fire line, referring to a common concept whose origin I’m not that familiar with in which being “on fire for God” refers to having a passion for doing what whoever you hang around thinks he wants you to do. It might be a reference to that scene in Acts 2 where God’s power in the church is marked by tongues of fire that come and rest on people. Of course it’s like the fire from that burning bush Moses encounters because this is an instance of God burning people metaphorically rather than physically. 

Sarcasm and gallows humor aside, God has been known to yeet fire from heaven at things and sometimes even people. In both Acts 2 and this song, the reference is more or less metaphorical and refers to a driving force rather than to an attack. This line is basically a prayer for a passion for God. 

Verse 1 was sung just by Redman; for verse 2, both Redman and Cobbs are singing. 

My heart stands in awe of Your name Your mighty love stands strong to the end You will fulfill Your purpose for me You won't forsake me, You will be with me

I touched on this in the “on the altar again” line from 1, but I typically read “heart” as “core of being” in these contexts. So this first line, My heart stands in awe of Your name, refers to this deep sense of reverence towards God. 

Maybe someone ought to tell Redman about the hypocrites, because god damn does this seem like performative righteousness to my outsider’s mind. Maybe Paul’s “renewing of the mind” from Romans 12:2 works both ways lmao

Joking aside, the role of this line is to normalize this feeling of reverence and to try to instill it in the listener. It serves a purpose that isn’t hypocrisy and Redman would probably say the same thing if some cheeky heathen walked up to him and told him about the hypocrites as I joked about. 

The entire rest of this verse is essentially saying the same thing in different ways, framing it through God’s love, purposes, and presence in a believer’s life. The idea is that none of these three things are believed to ever fail, and this verse is meant to reinforce that perception and to give thanks to God for it. I don’t feel like saying what these lines are going for three times so I’ll treat them as one unit because functionally, they are. 

I’ll do the chorus last because that seems like a fun idea. Bridge 1 is:

All to Jesus now All to Jesus now Holding nothing back Holding nothing back I surrender I surrender I surrender I surrender

oh god oh fuck

so what can we get from this weird disaster where you say the same thing a bunch of times in a row? Basically, the singer surrenders everything to Jesus and holds nothing back. But it’s really really important, so they say it slowly and each piece is said several times. It feels pedantic as fuck looking at it from the outside, but on the inside it instills this mood that makes you, at least in that moment, want to do exactly that. Pretty wacky. 

Second bridge:

Your power and work in me I'm broken gracefully I'm strong when I am weak I will be free

It’s this, four times on Genius and six times in the Youtube upload. I’m not copy pasting that full length in here lmao

Basically the first line reads to me as an attribution related to the rest. Like, “what follows is because of God’s power and work in me”. Your spicier evangelical circles will attribute good things in themselves exclusively to the work of God. It gets super goddamn toxic depending on exactly how they handle it, but the general vibe I’m talking about is “I’m a piece of shit and therefore if anything good happens in me it’s God not me”. It’s really a sad thing, and it messed me up real good when I used to think that way. 

So that’s fun I suppose. 

As for the rest of this, uh... it’s not better. So. “I’m broken gracefully” is just about the most cursed sentence in this section here. To be “broken” in this case is ...more or less what it sounds like. Basically God breaks the believer down in the process of sanctification so that they release their own identity and replace it with one that’s more from God. This is then framed as a grace. I read “gracefully” here as both referring to the grace of God and to its other usage, like “they moved gracefully across the whatever the fuck” as a descriptive term suggesting beauty and elegance. In both senses, this broken state is considered a good and beautiful thing. Which ...is a bit cursed. 

“I’m strong when I am weak” is this weird reversal that alludes to several passages in the Bible including, the first one I can think of, John 3:30, which says “he must be greater, I must be less” (and specific wording will vary based on translation). The idea is that a person has more real “strength” when they’re weak in themselves and trusting in God for everything. So this sentence might be expanded to “I’m strong in God when I’m weak in myself”. Which is one of those gaslighty self-denying concepts that is the reason my time in these weird fundagelical circles fucked me up so much. Pretty fun. See why I say it’s emotional self-harm to come back and review this music? It’s not always that dark of a thing, I genuinely want to analyze this shit, but good grief can it get tricky to deal with. 

The last line here is “I will be free”, which cements the previous concepts by referring to freedom from “sin” and from the “old, fallen nature”, i.e. freedom to be a slave to God instead of “a slave to oneself”. Another spooky reversal. 

And that’s the bridges. 

I’ll grab a chorus that doesn’t have amen tags and only happens once: 

Here I am, God Arms wide open Pouring out my life Gracefully broken

These first lines speak to someone who accepts God’s calling with open arms. Pretty straightforward I think. It gets a bit funky from here because this “pouring out my life” line is a bit deeper. It could refer to the act of confessing things to God in kind of a spilling of energy and secrets, a breakdown of barriers that believers keep their issues contained within, that kind of thing, and it could be a reference to the Old Testament practice of pouring out blood or wine or both as an offering before God, in a metaphorical sense in this case because believers are called on to offer their lives as a “living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God” as Paul writes. The image of pouring something out is quite a common one within Christianity because of the Old Testament imagery and the degree to which New Testament writers allude to old practices. 

In compiling an overarching message for what I read out of this song, I’ll compare it to a sonnet written by John Donne, for a bit of fun hyperbole. 

Batter my heart, three-personed God, for you As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend; That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new. I, like an usurped town, to another due, Labour to admit you, but Oh, to no end. Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend, But is captived, and proves weak or untrue. Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain, But am betrothed unto your enemy: Divorce me, untie or break that knot again, Take me to you, imprison me, for I, Except you enthrall me, never shall be free, Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

The whole message of this sonnet here is, in a phrase, “I’m having a hard time submitting to you, God, so break down my gates, steal me from Satan, and rearrange my guts”. 

Yes, ravish is sometimes a sexual term. In my medieval literature class last fall, the professor understood its sense as such in this context. I agree with that reading because the word immediately preceding the phrase that contains it is “chaste”, which is clearly establishing that kind of context. 

Basically, the reason I include this is, without the “fuck me God” part of it, the message of the song I’ve been dissecting is the same as this. It speaks of surrendering to God as something that’s desired, but frames it as a battle through the “heart on the altar again” bit and the “brokenness” part of this narrative that suggests it’s a desired, beautiful act of God. Donne accomplishes this message through much more violent terms, but the end result is very similar. 

I know.

So, why did I start this shit with that Plato quote? 

Ultimately, because I think that an important part of the role that Christian music like this serves in the church is pretty much the same as Plato’s understanding of the role of rhetoric. If “rhetoric is the art of ruling the minds of men”, then contemporary Christian music is the result of using shit, repetitive lyrics and actually good instrumental tracks to convince the human mind to yeet itself deeper and deeper into Jesusland. 

Which is pretty cursed. I relate, vacuuming lady. I relate.

What was that I said about conlangs again?

[october-rosehip]

When your incidental side characters defend their own novel... WIP

The ferry pulls up against the pier with a whump and a splish. I am so grateful to be at the end of this stupid, miserable journey that I let out a sigh of relief.

It may be a prison full of humans, but it isn't a wagon and I can probably get a bath. Whatever happens next, as long as I'm not chained to a bench next to Eadric, it'll be an improvement. I might not have to kill his pedantic ass.

Mine is the last boat. Robin, Iris, and one of the templars are on it with me. Everyone else is milling around the grounds, trying to look unimpressed, only that's hard because look at that thing.

The tower stands on the rocky island, taking up most of it. I have no idea how this thing hasn't collapsed under its own weight, but it isn't about to. It stands stubbornly above us, shadowing everything around. It looks black in the twilight, with a sparkling of light from arched windows here and there. I have to admit, I'm impressed. I've never seen anything so tall, or built with so much care.

“How come there's only one boat for this whole, giant place?” I wonder. I don't know I speak aloud, but I must, because Kester answers me.

“It isn't often so many come and go at once, miss. Maybe three or four times a year that happens. Most of the comings and goings are food shipments, or a few mages and templars transferring to and from. The next time you ride Lissie, it won't be such a wait.”

“I'm... likely to ride her again?” Mages can leave? And why is he being so nice? I have the strangest urge to tell him it was no inconvenience at all, thank you ser. Like I asked for this and the wait was a minor inconvenience to my holiday plans.

He laughs. “You're certain to, eventually. Only one boat, remember. You may go to another circle, or work for a noble, someday. It's me that never goes anywhere, nor my father and grandfather before me.”

“Oh.” Oh? Is that the best I can do? I'm not usually this rude, I swear. I'm just not used to humans being... deferential. That's the word. He's acting like he's here to serve me, and that's new. Also, this is the first I've heard about being able to leave, again.

He ties the boat to the dock and between him and the templar, whose name I still don't know, the three of us get lifted out. The templar is the ice-man, though. I would never be so calm standing in a boat wearing all that metal. He'd sink like a stone if he slipped. The back of my mind tells me to trip him. I don’t.

“Thank you,” I say as soon as my feet are on solid, well, boards. Robin and Iris follow my lead.

“You're very welcome, you three.” Kester helps the templar out as well, unties the boat, and heads back to shore.

Maybe someone inside has been waiting for us all. Maybe there was a signal? The huge doors swing open. An old, bent human man steps through. It's warm out, but he's wearing all the robes ever and looks like he needs them. Everything my entire family has ever owned isn't worth half what his clothes must have cost. I don't know what the fabrics are, but they look soft, and are green and black and heavy with embroidery.

“Welcome, welcome.” he says. “I am First Enchanter Irving. I am certain this has been a long and trying journey for all of you. As the dinner hour has passed, sandwiches have been set out for you in the entry hall. Most of the apprentices have retired for the evening to the dormitories. You may choose any unclaimed beds you wish. If they are unmade, they are available. Bathing facilities are also prepared for you. Please make yourselves at home.”

Robin and I shoot a glance between us. This old man is obviously important. He doesn't volunteer to answer questions, but he bothers to welcome us, specifically? Why go to the trouble? What's in it for him?

I guess it doesn't matter, right now. I can be stubborn and grumpy, or I can eat a sandwich and have a bath. I mean, I'll probably do all the above, anyway, but the first shouldn't prevent the rest of it.

The entryway is really impressive. Everything is arches, stained glass, and stone. And no, I have no idea what kind of stone. It's blue-gray. I'm not up to noticing much more than that anyway, once I spot the baskets of food and jugs of drink. I smell bread, and my stomach cheers. Loudly. I can't even try to play it off. I no longer care about stained glass because there is food.

What? Seriously, this bread is still warm. If you haven't eaten all day, see which you care more about: bread or architecture.

Maybe this is all an elaborate trap, or they're trying to get us to let down our guard. I don't know why they'd bother, mind you. They've got us. So, whatever. I demolish a cheese, sprouts, and mustard sandwich. There's cider to wash it down with.

When everyone's done, we head down a corridor. We walk past huge, iron doors with a complex set of massive bolts and locks. I already know I'm a prisoner, so that isn't what stops me in my tracks. It's the light.

Steady, warm pools of light fall to the floor from the lamps, no, chandeliers- I've read about those- above us. Those are not candles. The very light is magic.

“What's wrong, Turnip?” asks that asshole from Highever. “Never seen ceilings, before?”

I scowl at him. “Look at it, though.”

Everyone looks up. I've made something of a career from the fact that nobody ever does that, unprovoked.

“Glowlights,” says Eadric, like it isn't any big deal at all. “They're enchanted.”

“What, did you have them at home?”

“Of course not. They're far too expensive.”

I may have to kill him after all. (I’ve never actually killed anybody, I swear. I’m just very testy, right now.)

“I get you,” says Robin. “Magic, out in the open. Like it's normal. Expected.”

“Yeah.” That is what I mean, all right. I've had to hide my skills always. Here they use magic to light the hallway.

This will maybe be fine.

I stop holding us up and we head into the dormitories. There are two of them, even though it looks like more. Each one is so big it has two doors. I head into one at random, and it looks like this one is mostly youngish kids. A lot of them are asleep, already. There must be room for forty or fifty people to sleep in here. Besides that, there are chessboards, writing desks, bookshelves, and squashy pillows. Humans about my age are playing chess, cards, or some goofy looking game involving a beanbag. There are no elves. All the humans stop to look at us and I suddenly don't want to deal with this. I know it won't help, but I want to move on to the next room to avoid how they're looking at me.

Some of the others are braver. Eadric walks up to the first bunk he sees, and simply occupies it, like he's always been here and it's been his, forever. Fine for him, but I check out the next room.

It looks just like the first one, and humans still stare. I am prepared, this time. Robin and Iris find a top and bottom bunk together. It is right in the middle of the room. No, thank you. I look at the corners.

I'm starting to think I have been too slow and might have to go back to the first room when I spot a top bunk in the darkest corner. It's near the front of the room but not really in direct view from the door. That'll suit me. I beeline right for it, but falter. Three dark haired people sit on pillows on the floor beside it, a card game in progress between them. They turn to look at me.

The pale, tall human man with kind, blue eyes looks surprised to see me. The copper-skinned human woman across from him smiles at me. It reaches her whole self, like I was perfectly expected.

But then I see the third.

Oh, cute boy. I have found the one elf apprentice, and he is beautiful. He has to know it, to spend that much time on his hair.

And I can't do this, anymore. These three already belong here. They're all so... lovely, and obviously a tight group. Can I really just insert myself into their space? I decide I cannot, and spot another bunk not far away...

And the cute mage boy's ears droop. I'm turning away, and he's disappointed. He also makes no attempt to hide it.

Who does that? Didn't anybody ever teach him how to control his face? He's just signaling whatever he feels to anybody who knows how to look at the admittedly subtle movements of our ea...

Oh. Duh. Only elf apprentice. Been here almost a decade, already. Is about my age. Got it.

I turn back to them. “Excuse me, I'm supposed to find a place. Is that bed open?” I know darn well it is, of course.

“It is,” says the girl. She stands and offers her hand. “I'll be your downstairs neighbor, then. I'm Silvana, and these are Macsen and Jowan.”

“I'm Nisha. Pleased to meet you all. I. Ah, please don't think I'm being rude. Is that where the baths are?” I think I smell soap from the partially sectioned off part of the room near us.

“Yes. Don't worry, we've all been there.”

Cute boy gives me a half smile and doesn't say anything. After listening to Eadric explain everything to me like I'm four all week, I'm grateful.

[sinsins52]

Everything Wrong With Everything Wrong With Teen Titans Go! To The Movies

ORIGINAL VIDEO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bq3g4pJY07Y&t=0s

1.He’s slightly improved in a few ways, but he still has the same terrible intro that begs for likes.

2.He also still refuses to put his sinning intro over the actual title card. So really it’s Everything Wrong With _____

3.”A full minute of intros and I’m not even sure because two of them were for the WB” The 2nd one was for WB Animation, which is no different from all the other major animated films, it ain’t that long of a log sequence until the Marvel joke one.

4.”And already the first joke is them playing off the Marvel Cinematic intro. There’s so many Marvel jokes in this movie one might think they’re a bit bitter because they’re kicking their ass in the movie industry” Marvel is the dominating force in the superhero movie industry, and this movie spoofs a lot of that, so no duh there’s some Marvel jokes. Hell, there’s some potshots at DC, even in the first trailer!

5.”The welcome to Jump City sign is well within the center of the city. I think everyone knows where they are by the time they get that far in” That’s how it works in real though, or in the least my city is like that. And get used to him being pedantic, even by Sin standards..

6.”I don’t think anyone’s accidentally going to Jump City, one of the most riddled with crime places in the world, right next to Gotham or Metropolis” I…don’t get this one. I mean I don’t even know how to explain why you’re wrong I don’t even get your point. That accidentally really throws me off.

7.He sins all the references in this establishing shot, even though they are basically cute Easter eggs that are not sins.

8.”Batman’s not even liked in Gotham yet he has his own building” But maybe Jump City likes him fine. Also, this version of the DC characters is different in tons of ways, so why are you assuming it’s exactly like the other version in this case?

9.”I am upset that this isn’t even a gag character. It’s an actual person who exists in the DC world” That same world also has Kite Man and Condiment King. Just saying, the DC universe is weird and it’s not weird for a spoof movie to acknowledge this.

10.”Before he was crushing buildings with no problems, but now he can squeeze between them without them even building” He was punching at them before to destroy them as they were smaller than him but these two were a bit taller and there was a small space. Do the math.

11.”The safe is comically huge in comparasion to the actual bank” Congrats, you noticed.

12.”This why you can’t bring Starfire to a petting zoo” They were balloons. They pop. Come on.

13.”I get it, they’re supposed to be failed heroes but they’ve done plenty of stuff even in the TTG to be known within their own city” Maybe to the citizens or something, but not to this random villain we’ve never seen in the show before, and maybe he’s not super up to date anyway.

14.”Can’t Wonder Woman still fly in this world? I’m not sure why they gave her the invisible jet other than lol references are funny again”. If I had an invisible jet, I would show it off as much as possible…Maybe not “show” per say…

15.Also, the jet isn’t really a joke so that doesn’t apply here.

16.”Of all the heroes in Jump City, they had to pull out the A squad for Balloon man?” He still a pretty decent threat though, with all the destruction he was doing.

17.”They only make movies about real heroes” “But they’ll sure as hell make a Netflix original about just about anyone” If you’re referring to the Marvel shows, they're about pretty well liked and solid heroes, even Iron Fist isn’t that silly or an idea given their roster.

18.”The titans can afford to make their own movie, they have a private island and own a giant building” You mean like they do make? The one Robin dislikes because it is is so rnky dinky and he wants a serious Hollywood movie?

19.He really over analyzes a background reference to Young Justice.

20.”Further proof that the bat credit card has been canon all along” How does that Utility Belt movie prove this?

21.He shows off a fairly lo0ng clip just to sin another background gag. He likes to run the clips for too long, almost like he wants the video to be longer for extra watch time…

22”Breaking the 4th but yeah, he’s not Deadpool” That would work better if not for the actual Deadpool joke they make later. Oh and this character that character!

23.’I get it, this is a comedy movie-” And that’s when you should have stopped talking. His sin is that Slade being more comedic is “insulting” even though it really isn’t.

(By the way, this scene has them thinking Slade is Deadpool and Slade finds that comparison stupid because there’s plenty of guys with swords like him. The Titans would be amazing at Cinema Sins!)

24.He says he’s removing a sin for the Circe of Life spoof…but he ends up adding one. Whoops.

25.”Batman kills a baby-” In a dream sequence.

26.”This improvised song already has a billboard” A visual gag for a song is a sin I guess. Also, no sin removal for this?!

27.”This might be a bit overboard for a nitpick-” Lol.

28.”Would it have been okay if his dad wasn’t a cop?” No, but that fact does make it a bigger deal.

29.”Stan’s cameos are not subtle but neither are the references in this movie” And yet when they are subtle, you sin them anyway.

30.”Leaving them with the permanent injures” “And huge medical dat making him go right back to that life of crime-” Yes, because if he didn’t have bills, he’d just…give up crime for no reason? Also, I have no idea what he says but it sounds like “Dat” for screw it.

31.”Raven, who didn’t know the time cycles even existed prior to this was able to summon them from an unknown location because that’s how her powers work now” That’s how they’ve always worked but okay.

32.”When I think of rad, I definitely think of terseness are on tricycles” What, you don’t?

33.”What’s up with the 80’s fetishim in this movie? Take on Me, Tricycles-” I don’t think Tricycles are an 80’s thing.

34.”And Batman doesn’t remember the Teen Titans being the ones that pushed his parents into an alleyway to be brutally murdered” Eh, it’s scarring and all but I can buy him not remembering their exact faces and hey, they don’t dwelll on it too much since you’re not supposed to think about the logic in this silly movie too hard.

35.The bit where Cyborg and Beast Boy fal to be saved prompts him to go into this long winded rant on how it’s not possible. And I thought the previous sin was pedantic. This is after he sinned the movie for having bits that go on too long, by the way.

36.The sin counter randomly drops to 42 before going back to 85 in the next sin.

37.”Superman skips leg day, because that’s what happens when you can fly anywhere” …K?

38.”You already have Netflix, so there’s literally no reason for this” This is on a bigger scale and tell that to DC.

39.”Can you guys mainly do this so that Robin can get the movie? Wouldn’t this be the right choice?” I have no idea what you just said.

40.”He would have to keep up this facade all these years to compete these movies” Correct me if I’m wrong but there’s nothing to indicate “Jade Wilson” has been around for years, just that she’s a big director and those can rise fairly quickly sometimes.

(Frankly the real sin is that he didn’t just give the Robin the movie right away so can finish his plot quicker. Seriously, he just made it more complicated for himself)

41.”Slade, instead of using the swords and guns he has, decides to instead blow up an entire town” I think that’s far more efficiency in this case though.

42.”For a plan this is pretty retarded” Ugh.

43.”Added camera shake to make things more intense” Yes, that is why they did that, well done. Also, I hardly even noticed that here.

44.”-And I don’t mean that shitty Netflix original series were Starfire looks like a hooker” It’s not for Netflix and something that way you worded that bugs me.

45.It says Episode Sin Tally.

SINS VIDEO SIN TALLY: 45

SENTENCE: Mind Manipulation

Yep, our old friend Moliminus actually beat SeriesSins to it. I wanted to give SeriesSins time to do his video, but his taking his time so here we are. I will do his sometime in January if all goes well. I think this is the most sins for an off brand video, but that’s only because this video is 27 minutes long for some reason.

Anyway, I want the SinsSin post that goes up closest to Christmas to be a Cinema Sins video, so we’re doing Off Brand sins next week as well. And with it, we go back to a 2000’s animated movie.

[culturalgutter]

We really should have had a mystery series featuring a sensible lesbian couple by now. Something like two Miss Marples sharing a sensible home and sensibly solving extremely–some might even say overly–complicated murders together. One wakes the other up when she turns on the nightstand lamp to do a crossword puzzle, her favorite occupation when she is trying to crack a case. It helps her think. There should have been something based on a series of books written in the 1920s and 1930s, just after the War–either one. It should have been written by female author with three names and set in a quaint village outside London, the kind of village with many corpses in the shrubbery. Or maybe set in the city, with someone like Miss Fisher, but including the women she has had affairs with. Her dressing table or mantle featuring suggestive photos of the detective on holiday in Malta or visiting Paris with Josephine Baker, Marlene Dietrich, Anna May Wong, Djuna Barnes and even, possibly, Garbo herself. Our detective’s tux would be divinely tailored.

Yes, we could have them now, a retro 1930s correcting the oversights of the past. But we should have already had these drawing room mysteries long ago. They should have played on Masterpiece Theater, A&E and the various BBCs. They should be so prevalent that there are Sesame Street parodies teaching children how to count or the letter “L” or the word “sensible.” Old mystery and film fans should patronizingly explain to us that Zasu Pitts or Theresa Harris, Margaret Rutherford or Maude Eburne, in fact, performed in the first film versions of these films back in the day. “The earliest performance of this character dates back to Sarah Bernhard,” a random pedant would interject*.

The realized this terrible loss in the very same moment I saw it almost presented to me in Do Not Fold, Spindle or Mutilate (1971) and its spin-off series, The Snoop Sisters. The Snoop Sisters ran as part of NBC’s Mystery Movie from 1972 to 1974. Though it stars two sisters, aunts to a police officer, I think it will get hard to read them as anything but a married couple in the future. I discovered The Snoop Sisters while watching old, made-for-tv mysteries and thrillers with the Gutter’s own Beth Watkins. We watched one where Barbara Stanwyck’s house is probably possessed and another where someone is trying to drive her mad. One where a theater troop re-enacts a murder to get a confession. One where Shelley Winters’ passion for Debbie Reynolds gets the best of her, demonstrating that there is something very much the matter with Helen. Another called, A Very Missing Person (1972) in which Eve Arden plays Hildegard Withers, a character who was variously played by ZaSu Pitts, Edna May Oliver and Helen Broderick in a series of 1930s films based on the novels of Stuart Palmer**. Ms. Withers is an ex-schoolteacher with an intriguing taste in hats and another good candidate for sensible lesbian detective. And we watched Do Not Fold, Spindle or Mutilate. Helen Hayes, Mildred Natwick, Myrna Loy and Sylvia Sydney. They are retired women who occupy their time with luncheons, amazing outfits and creating the profile of a much younger woman for a computer dating service. Unfortunately for them, their profile attract a serial killer. Unfortunately for him, these ladies have moxie. Watching the movie, I realized that I would love to see these women solve a mystery every week. Apparently someone at NBC felt the same, because while the movie was not picked up as a series, it is somewhat reprised The Snoop Sisters, with Mildred Natwick taking on Myrna Loy’s role as Helen Hayes’ sister. It is the snazziest Mildred Natwick has ever been in a film, as she plays the fashionable Gwendolyn Snoop-Nicholson, “G.” for short. It is one of the only times I can think of that Mildred Natwick has outdressed nearly everyone else on the screen. Helen Hayes plays mystery novelist, Ernesta Snoop. And now both are instigators.

The Snoop Sisters has the things people like in 1970s made-for-tv mysteries—women in their 60s and 70s, magicians, Roddy McDowell, switcheroos and twists. The Snoops solve mysteries, scoop the police—led by their own nephew Lt. Steven Ostrowski—and charmingly prove what everyone thinks is happening is not what’s happening at all. Except, that yes, Alice Cooper is happening, and so is a fist fight between Vincent Price and Roddy McDowell. Also, classic film star Joan Blondell is a medium, Bernie Casey wears pants no one should be able to successfully look handsome in and Steve Allen hosts Ernesta Snoop on his television program. There are so many outfits—fantastically printed caftans and ties; wide lapels; loudly patterned suits; sweaters with ring pulls. And there is a lot of decor—including Gloria Hendry’s amazing octagonal waterbed.

Sadly, there were only five episodes produced, but fortunately they have been collected in a dvd set.In “The Female Instinct,” the Snoops solve the murder of an old Hollywood icon Norma Treet (Paulette Goddard) while Barney tries and fails to keep them out of trouble. There is a sweet screening of one of Goddard’s films, The Ghost Breakers (1940), presented as one of Treet’s. Their nephew***, police Lt. Steven Ostrowski (Lawrence Pressman) as their nephew, Lt. Ostrowski sets Barney, a retired cop played by Art Carney, to keep the ladies out of trouble. But no one, not even Art Carney—an Art Carney who does a stunt—can stop the Snoops from doing what they want to do. And they want to write mysteries, solve mysteries, meet amazing people, and disguise themselves as anything from “stuffed animal fluffers” to exterminators and a bowling team.

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And they wear amazing outfits. G.’s wardrobe is very much from the 1970s, including a beautiful coat I covet. Ernesta’s much more turn of the Twentieth Century. I will also note that Ernesta is butch, but hers is a butchness leaning towards Gertrude Stein but with a fondness for ridiculously feathered hats. It’s from a when wearing a certain cut of jacket was more meaningful in gender coding than wearing a skirt. In this case, most of Ernesta’s skirt suits are “mannish” in the parlance of the thirties and forties. And I am pretty sure she is straight up wearing men’s or boy’s gray striped flannel pajamas.

My favorite part is the peek into Ernesta’s creative process as she works on a book while G. takes dictation.

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We also get another glimpse of their home life as Ernesta works on her embroidery in bed and Mildred asks to borrow her liniment, after a close call with a potential assassin required that they both run.

By the second episode, “Corpse and Robbers,” there have been some changes. Now Bert Convy plays Steven. And rather than a retired cop, Barney is now a paroled convict doing the lieutenant a favor by watching his aunts. Played by Lou Antonio, Barney is also twenty or thirty years younger than the Snoops and too hobbled by his respect for their ladyness to come close to contending with them. In the episode, Ernesta tries to discover what happened to her dear old friend, and toy-making genius, Franklin Birdwell (Liam Dunn). Ernesta also hopes to prove that she is not imagining that he has called her. The Snoops disguise themselves as “stuffed animal fluffers” to infiltrate a toy factory that specializes in toy dogs that bark and wag their tails, Winnie the Pooh stuffies, and giant devil masks. I assume the factor is one of the Joker’s old hideouts and, in its off hours, the site of many a giallo murder.**** Ernesta and G. also go jogging in knit outfits.

Their activewear.

In “Death Is A Free Throw,” we discover many interesting things, such as that G. is a basketball fan and that their Lincoln limosine’s license plate just happens to be 473 FEM. Oh, and as Ernesta and G. defend a man who has come flying out of the green room for the Steve Allen show, “We warn you, Mr. Bates, we know kung fu.”

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Fortunately, fisticuffs prove unnecessary and the Snoops quickly befriend basketball great, Willie Bates (Bernie Casey). Willie wears some amazing outfits that only Bernie Casey could make it seem like a good idea for anyone else to wear. I mean, some other people could look handsome in them, but, seriously, don’t think you could because he could. Meanwhile, everyone has stomach trouble and G. becomes a suspect.

“The Devil Made Me Do It!” might contain the most wonders per hour. The Snoops find themselves the target of a Satanic coven that would very much like its ancient relic back, thank you. Classic film bombshell Joan Blondell appears as a medium, Madame Mimi. And Alice Cooper not only appears as a witch, but sings a song to a very interesting audience at the Frou Frou Club.

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But my favorite character is the Honorable Morlock (Cyril Ritchard), the proprietor of an occult shop who specializes in providing New York’s covens with human skulls, in any size and painted in any color you might like. He assures us that Henry Ford had the right idea in only offering one model of car in one color. He blames the government for the rapacious frog bone suppliers. He wears a wig, red eye shadow and stunning ritual magick robes. (The Honorable Morlock definitely spells magic with a K and probably deplores the confusion of stage magic with the Art). And he speaks in rhyming couplets whenever he can. When Barney asks how the Honorable Morlock knows he has a bad back, he declaims: “Lucifer, give me strength! Do you think you’re dealing with kids? Because I’m a pro—that’s how I know!”

He’s a pro!

And if The Snoop Sisters had to go out, at least it went out with an episode featuring both Roddy McDowell and Vincent Price. The episode begins gloriously with Ernesta and G. cosplaying that most romantic of classic horror couples, Frankenstein and the Bride****. Ernest is the creature, of course. And Mildred Natwick makes a remarkably elegant Bride. They are dressed up to attend the Michael Bastion Film Festival, a revival of classic horror films. We see among the attendees people dressed as vampires, a werewolf, the Metaluna Mutant and a mummy. That’s right, G. is a horror fan. She’s seen all of Bastion’s films and is excited to meet Bastion himself. Bastion and his wife arrive in an old hearse. His wife leaves from the passenger side. Muscle men in silver masks pull a coffin out of the hearse, lean it up and open it to reveal Bastion to his adoring fans*****. There is a fun movie-within-a-tv-movie starring Bastion, and, of course, a murder during the screening. Bastion is the accused and the Snoops investigate. Like Price himself, Bastion is a noted gourmet cook and G. distracts Bastion by taking him up on an offer of a gourmet luncheon. There is a very fine drunken-crepe making scene. And Ernesta wears an indescribable golfing outfit. I do not think I am spoiling anything but informing you that there is also a fistfight between Roddy McDowell and Vincent Price. This is obviously an enticement.

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While I willingly admit that the Snoop sisters are, in fact, sisters, no matter how queer coded the relationship and the show seems, The Snoop Sisters does satisfy some of my desire for weird old tv mysteries starring a lesbian couple. Sure we could do something retro now and that would be fun, but it isn’t the same. And it’s a reminder of how much we could have had without prejudices limiting art.

*One must take the good with the bad if one is truly sensible.

**A Very Missing Person also stars Julie Newmar and Pat Morita. Morita plays a hippie, which is so, so worthwhile.

***I will note the long tradition of couples who are coded gay having nieces and nephews. I also suppose that if Steven were Gwendolyn’s son, she would not be considered so free to gallivant around with Ernesta because she would be a Bad Mother somehow to the series perceived audience. Even if Steven’s all grown-up and a police lieutenant now.

***I have been thinking about gialli a lot while watching this made-for-tv mysteries with Beth.

****For my thoughts on calling the creature, “Frankenstein,” and on the poor Bride, please see “The Specter of Frankenstein.”

*****Bastion later arranges to meet someone in the men’s bathroom, but I am resisting the temptation to say anything about that.

Two other queer and queer-ish, made-for-tv movies: The Judge and Jake Wyler starring Bette Davis and Doub McLure; and, What’s The Matter With Helen? starring Debbie Reynolds and Shelley Winters.

 ~~~

If you need her, Carol Borden will be consulting with the Honorable Morlock.

Snooping Ladies Sensibly Solving Mysteries We really should have had a mystery series featuring a sensible lesbian couple by now. Something like two Miss Marples sharing a sensible home and sensibly solving extremely--some might even say…

[thenormativesuperintendent]

The Schwarzschild radius

One of the most common complaints among people who begin treatment with SSRI's is that they reduce their ability to feel, and that this is definitely a bad thing, and therefore all psychiatric drugs are bad, Prozac is bad, Zoloft is bad, Big Pharma is bad, and then the patient gets depressed again and now feels even worse because, like, I can't take sertraline, can I? I wouldn't feel anything! "I knew I had to get off Zoloft because I couldn't even cry at my brothers wedding!" - Random woman whose name I can't recall. I can sympathise, this would indeed be a little jarring and disconcerting, but you know what else is bad? Depression. I don't mean to make a mockery of her plight, I understand what it's like to suffer from depression, but my annoyance at the time came from her anger towards the drug. I understand you were upset you couldn't feel that happy for your brother, but this is how SSRI's work, ok? Numbing to initiate action, action to improve your circumstances.

I'm going to palm this off to my favourite blog, and probably one of the smartest/most insightful people alive, Hotel Concierge, in this essay here, because he's written a far more eloquent, well articulated set of reasons as to why emotional analgesia is a good thing, and how this effect is leveraged to facilitate therapy. Also, if you have ever undergone the burden of mental illness, this essay is literally, for me, life-saving. I sincerely hope that it helps you too.

Second point: I find alarming the claim that, fundamentally, most antidepressants work via the same mechanism. I debated whether to tap out this text file on the point of not wanting to offend anyone/appear to be a pedantic asshole, but recently, this, courtesy Slate Star Codex:

“Increasing BDNF is the best option we have” NO[1]

Can I write "disagree" and then underline it, and then highlight it several times? I think this view -that it’s really just a landscape of SSRI’s- is flat-out wrong - I don't think it's necessarily dangerous per se, but it vastly misrepresents the state of play in psychopharmacology, and I want to put forward my arguments to rectify that.

Firstly, from the wonder of modern pedagogy that is Stahl:

Complex.

The idea behind these diagrams (the textbook is brilliant) is to give you a visual representation of the various binding affinities these compounds have for different receptors; the larger the shape, the greater the binding affinity.

Now let’s take a look at two similar antidepressants from the SSRI class: Lexapro and Zoloft (escitalopram and sertraline) The primary mechanism of action in both is occupancy of SERT (the serotonin transporter); normally serotonin gets slurped back up into pre-synaptic neuron, now it can’t because said slurpy protein is full, this leads to serotonin lingering in the synaptic cleft for longer which leads to an increased chance for it to bind to serotonin receptors on the post synaptic neurone. Voila, more activity in serotonergic neurons. Could be inhibitory, excitatory, changing receptor expression in the surface of the neuron: a multitude of downstream effects. Give two weeks for gene translation to occur and there you have it.

Serotonin is involved, in a broad, upstream kind of way, in regulating mood. More specifically, if thoughts[2] are constituted of different circuits or clusters of neurons firing, then serotonin plays a role in regulating affect by changing the activity of these cells (by the probability that they release/don’t release an impulse) that are poorly understood.

Posteriori, it’s no surprise that “pure” SSRI’s compress your emotional bandwidth concomitant to dose; we developed the saying “carrot and stick” for a reason; if emotional circuitry is closely related to System 1 thinking (Kahneman & Taversky - please don’t make me cite) then we need happiness and reward as well as sadness and grief. The two in partnership give us a map to help steer our actions away from what might harm us and towards what might be beneficial. If depression isn’t sadness (it isn’t) then lower serotonin levels lead to loss of any feeling, and your subjective cognitive interpretation of this is depression. You feel, not nothing, but hopeless. You lie there doing nothing; there’s no carrot, there’s no stick, everything just sucks. You’re not sad, you’re not crying, there’s just no point doing anything. Going upstream to jack up extracellular serotonin levels makes sense; sure, you might cap out your happiness by increasing the overall activity of all those serotonin pathways, but now the affective system has some life in it, you can get up and move about, think and cognise. Hooray, now therapy can work.

Except what if we could do better? We recognise that blocking the transporter means more serotonin everywhere, serotonin everywhere = emotional numbing. What if we could go further downstream and just target the receptors we want directly? Don’t jump to the conclusion that morphine is a good thing right now, if you’re suffering from depression and thumbing through your contact book to find a dope dealer, you have my sympathies, and far bigger issues than I can help you with. I wish you luck.

But there is no such thing as a pure SSRI; Zoloft has a weak, but clinically significant effect on other proteins (transporters and receptors); Lexapro is about as close to a pure SSRI as we currently have, but Zoloft seems to have some decent dopamanergic action going on in the frontal cortex.

And this is exactly the issue. I’m not debating that the primary mechanism of effect in both these drugs is interfering with serotonin metabolism, I’m saying that the subjective experience of being on sertraline is going to be different to the subjective experience of being on escitalopram. How do you quantify a slight uptick in dopamine? Chemists and pharmacists might say “well, it’s nothing, it’s really just an SRI” except: how in gods name do you qualify the subjective difference of “minor increase in dopamine”?

This isn’t a theoretical consideration; what appears on paper to be a bunch of drugs with minor differences, will, I am confident, have wildly different effects on different patients. Forget neurotransmitters, forget HAM-D scales. What if you just gave each patient four weeks on each of these different drugs and asked them to keep a daily journal of their subjective experiences? Which pill would they prefer? My best guess is no clear answer would emerge: minor differences on paper lead to concrete differences to different patients, and this is a very real, tangible, beneficial phenomena. Vortioxetine is indeed exciting: heavily antagonising HT2C sub-receptors tends to have good clinical effects, as evidenced by the fact Agomelatine seems to work well for some people. “But couldn’t that just be its beneficial effects on sleep and MT1/MT2 agonising?” Sure, except melatonin decreases dopamine release, which is the current leading hypothesis of seasonal affective disorder. Try popping 20mg of melatonin and tell me how you feel the next morning. Not enough dopamine means a malfunctioning reward/motivation pathway and shoddy cognition[3]. Combining SERT occupancy with serotonin antagonism on certain sub-receptors is a legitimately neat development. Mirtazapine is a potent drug, perhaps makes some a little too edgy or sedated (sedation can be a useful tool, see: insomnia) and it just antagonises the bejesus out of histamine, adrenergic, and serotonergic receptors.

The problem is that once people see “SERT” on a drug, everything else gets sucked into that vacuum, compressed into a black hole and all nuance is lost, and in the delicate balance of various ratios of neurotransmitter levels, nuance is everything. There’s no way to qualify the subjective experience of “minor increase/decrease in transmitter X/Y/Z” so stop pretending that these drugs are all basically the same; similarity on paper != similarity of experience.

(Endnote: SNRI’s tend to work well, slightly paradoxically, on anxiety. Why? Because increasing norepinephrine levels leads to agonising the alpha-2 autoreceptor, this shuts down the firing of the pre-synaptic neuron. Of course, individual mileage may vary and standard disclaimers apply. Just don’t be surprised if you fall asleep in class six hours after you’ve taken your Cymbalta)

I hope I haven’t offended anyone - my aim is simply to push back against a perceived hopelessness at making new antidepressants, and to argue that there are demonstrable, subjective (which in psychiatry is almost everything?) differences in each and every anti-depressant out there.

[1] It was (still is?) trendy to say that increasing BDNF ameliorates depression, but I’m pretty confident BDNF has very little to do directly with depression. Yes, depressed people show low levels of BDNF, and drugs like Zoloft can increase BDNF and synaptogenesis (they can also not do that) So does exercise. And yet exercise is much more efficacious at doing so than Zoloft, but no-one successfully gets through clinical depression by doing laps across Greece like 300 lives depend on it. Don’t get me wrong, exercise is fantastic, for mental and physical health. I’m just saying that nothing increases BDNF like exercise, and yet it doesn’t work as well as antidepressants in most cases. That NSI-189 failed to differentiate from placebo is perhaps the most unsurprising result since Karl Popper put pen to paper.

[2] Ontology question: what’s a thought?

[3] My leading cause of frustration with the nootropic/biohacking/transhumanist community: “give me all the dopamine you can!” Oh, so you want schizophrenia? Dude, you don’t need pills, you need to stop avoiding study. To quote Hotel Concierge, “your rationalism is inseparable from your anxiety”

[knighting-vale]

Dæmon AU: Eternity in an Hour

Read here on AO3 for notes.

“All things considered, I think that went rather well,” Peter commented as he shrugged off the Dark Matters uniform in the small cabin aboard a ship which looked like it had never had the better days, only slightly less-rusty ones. It was the type of ship where they didn’t keep records and they didn’t ask questions, which was exactly what Peter Nureyev needed.

“Rather well?” repeated Nāsiria disdainfully, “That whole thing was a complete mess and you know it.” She brushed up against the wall, trying to remove the rest of the dark paint that had disguised her true form. “Oh, I don’t know about 'complete mess,'” Peter countered cheerfully, “We got the Mask, didn’t we?”

“That doesn’t mean it wasn’t a complete screw-up,” Nāsiria grumbled, jumping up onto the small bunk and curling up beside Peter’s bag. “It was certainly more interesting than normal.” “Interesting is one way to put it. First, someone walks in on us stealing the mask – you’re an idiot, by the way, – and their family drama means they literally die violently in the exact thing we planned to steal. Then we have to get involved with Dark Matters, and some random guy who the Kanagawa's had a vendetta against, which is exactly what we shouldn’t do. We should be flying under the radar, remember?”

Her tone was accusatory and Peter rolled his eyes as he unclasped the earrings he’d been wearing. “Now, it wasn’t exactly a vendetta against Juno. It was a- well, I’m not sure what Cecil Kanagawa was trying to do,” he mused.

“Don’t try and change the subject by being pedantic.” Nāsiria rolled her eyes at her human, as best as a small fox could. “It doesn’t make any difference what he was trying to do. Because what he nearly did was broadcast our faces across the galaxy. Broadcast us dying across the galaxy. Remember that?” “But we escaped!” “Barely. And then we ended up getting that poor girl in prison.” “I can’t help their family drama. And she was a murderer, Nās, don’t forget that.” “You know it isn’t that simple,” Nāsiria said, jumping off the bed to curl round Peter’s legs, hackles raised slightly, “And I know you feel as bad about it as I do. No point lying to me, remember?”

Peter sighed and stepped over Nāsiria, still disguised rather effectively as an Australian Cattle Dog rather than a fox. “Okay. That was a shame.” He dropped his head and grimaced. “I never wanted anyone to get hurt, and she seemed like a decent- if strange- sort. But that can’t be helped, it was just circumstance.” “Sometimes I think without me, you’d forget about having a moral compass all together,” Nāsiria scolded, stepping away with her nose in the air. Peter rolled his eyes. “Well it’s lucky I’ve got you isn’t it. Though sometimes I think without you, I wouldn’t have anyone berating me endlessly. That would be rather nice. You’re beginning to sound a bit like Mag.” “Well maybe that’s what you need,” Nāsiria snapped, “He’d never let you be this careless with yourself or a case, and you know it!”

Peter fell silent for a long moment, staring intently at the complex buckles of the case which held the monstrous Death Mask of Grimpoteuthis. He had figured them out before the case even began but he refused to look down at the fox by his feet. Eventually, she sighed. “I’m sorry. I know-” “It’s fine,” said Nureyev, cutting her off, “We don’t need to go digging up things that are long-buried. Look at where that got the Kanagawas.”

To his relief, his daemon gave a slight, hesitant laugh. She hated fighting with him as much as he did, and there was a silent apology in the way she curled up at his feet as he dropped onto the bunk. It was almost as hard as the floor but fewer Roaches would get there, and it had the luxury of a blanket. The cabin seemed to shake itself apart around them, exiting the atmosphere on the way to the dark side of the further Martian moon, Deimos. It would be a bumpy night, but Peter Nureyev was used to discomfort, and Nāsiria would keep the worst of the Roaches away.

“Just one more night, and we’re done with this whole Martian business,” Peter said eventually, curling his fingers into Nāsiria’s fur, still an unnatural charcoal colour rather than her natural red-gold shade. “Are we?” She looked up at him with dark piercing eyes, ears twitching. Foxes didn’t have eyebrows to raise questioningly, but she managed to school her expression into a passable replica. “Yes,” Peter said quietly, dropping his gaze, “Yes, we are.”

“You gave him your name,” Nāsiria pointed out, her voice soft and careful now, “What does that mean for us? What if he reports us, and New Kinshasa – or the whole of the Outer Rim- comes looking? We need that anonymity, Peter.” “Juno wouldn’t do that,” Peter insisted quietly. “We can’t know that,” Nāsiria pointed out, “I mean, he’s surprised us at every turn. Do we really know anything about Juno Steel?”

Peter couldn’t help the smile that crept onto his face at that. It was true; Juno Steel had managed to trounce his expectations at every turn. He’d been fascinated by the idea of him since before they met; his initial, brief research had shown him a talented, yet mysteriously disgraced police-officer-turned-PI who Dark Matters and the Kanagawas were willing to work with, who had been left a death threat by a violent, ancient ghost. That alone had left him with a million questions, only some of which had been answered; what did a cop have to do in the notoriously corrupt HYPD to get kicked out, what sort of name was Juno Steel, what kind of life do you have to lead to get both Dark Matters and the galaxy’s biggest crime family wanting to work with you?

Meeting him had left Peter Nureyev with even more mysteries. The man hadn’t been flattered at all by the sycophantic character of Rex Glass; he was cynical and self-deprecating - yet also protective of his secretary, surprisingly kind and familiar with Cassandra during his interrogation, and obviously intelligent. Peter had underestimated how much though, and Juno had let him.

His dæmon had been interesting; a large, black dog that had stayed silent and proud throughout most of the case, standing beside Juno and sniffing around the crime scene with barely a glance towards Nāsiria, who had followed them about, acting like a dim puppy. Dog Dæmons were common – especially in police or any kind of service job - and rarely encouraged attention. That was why Peter hadn’t paid Anatolia much attention until they had brutally torn the throat from a cameraman. They had pinned Cecil’s dæmon, a flashy but sharp-clawed peacock, to the ground, their vicious teeth showing as they snarled furiously, snapping and clawing at the suddenly-scrawny bird’s throat. Only then, had Peter realised with a start that Anatolia was, in fact, a large wolf, not a dog at all but more wild and independent and clever, and that he’d underestimated Juno.

Juno hadn’t made the same mistake – and that had been another surprise on Peter’s part. He was used to not being noticed or questioned and he slipped easily into the role of an enthusiastic and smart, but predictable, Dark Matter Agent. Civil Servants were easy, and Rex Glass had the added bonus of being extremely charming and flirtatious – to the point that no one looked twice with a critical eye.

But Juno had. He had several times, and so had Anatolia apparently. She’d smelt that the small dog beside Peter wasn’t just a dog - a canine, yes, but not a dog - and Juno had spotted the brush of gray dye left on the whitewashed walls of the Creosus Kanagawa’s Showroom. Anatolia had overheard Peter call Nāsiria by her own name, not the name that Rex Glass’s dæmon had. And Juno had seen past the flirting, and the blood-splatters on the glass, and figured out that Peter Nureyev had been after the Mask all along and had tricked everyone from Dark Matters to the Kanagawas to Rita. Then Juno had tricked Peter Nureyev right back, and that was intoxicating – more so even than defying every expectation Peter had formed of the Detective.

“I can’t believe you fell for the first pretty face that batted his eyelashes at you,” Nāsiria scolded, but her voice was softer, “It’s been years, and you never told anyone your name.” “Well, it was time for a change,” Peter replied, swinging himself onto the bunk. The engine made the rickety metal walls shake around him, and the ship was filled with the sound soft the crew and other passengers going about their loud and messy lives. But he would be left alone on a ship like this – just him and Nāsiria, as it had been for so long. As it had been ever since Mag. As it had been until Juno that was.

“He wasn’t just a pretty face, and you know it,” Peter chided gently as Nāsiria settled onto his chest, curling into a heavy, grounding weight. She hummed and the vibrations moved through his chest, different from the constant rattling vibrations of the ship “I’ve seen a lot of pretty faces but this was different, you know that. This was-” He trailed off, lost for words. This was matching wits with someone who understood him, this was being caught out, this was finding someone who understood him, someone he couldn’t deceive- someone that he had to tell the truth to. Someone so intense, who burned so brightly- ready to burn out at any moment- that it was overwhelming. Someone you couldn’t feel alone beside.

Juno made Peter feel less alone, despite the Detective’s self-imposed isolation. Peter wondered if he had chipped away at those walls at all – let alone as much as Juno had destabilized his.

“You’re in love,” Nāsiria muttered accusatorily. Peter rolled his eyes at the alarmingly-battered ceiling above. He did hope that the gravity generator wouldn’t give out during the night; sudden weightlessness was never as much fun as planet-bound people imagined. “It’s not even been a Martian Sol- since you met him! And you’re completely gone on this man, Pete. We’re screwed.” “It’s definitely been at least a couple of Jupiterian Days,” Peter remarked absently, running his fingers through his dæmon’s soft fur, “And I saw you Nās. You’re just as stupid as I am.”

He’d only seen them briefly, as his eyes fluttered shut as he leaned into Juno, pressed up against the detective’s table. Before the snap of handcuffs, before he begged him to come on an adventure with him, but still too-heady a kiss for someone supposed be flying under the radar. He should have never gone back to Juno’s in the first place, never have offered that one night where life could wait. It had been risky, and it could have been his downfall if he hadn’t had so many contingency plans.

In that moment, as he went to kiss Juno, before he’d closed his eyes – that in itself was unusual; a position he couldn’t get out of, not on the look-out – he’d seen Nāsiria brush up against Anatolia, curling around them as the wolf ducked their head. It was the type of terrifying intimacy that they could never fake, as Nāsiria had stepped recklessly close to Juno’s dæmon connecting more deeply than he’d connected with anyone since Mag- and differently. That’s when he’d known that he would end up telling Juno Steel his name, throwing caution to the wind as Juno Steel and Anatolia seemed to make him do want to do constantly.

As he drifted into sleep, Nāsiria breathing deeply on his chest- insane and terrifying scenes from the Kanagawa mansion dancing through their shared subconscious dreams, alongside the burning sky of the Martian sunset and Juno, running fearlessly beside his wolf dæmon - Peter Nureyev could not bring himself to regret it one bit.

[thehalfworld]

Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic [part 3]

I have to warn you all that this chapter has a rape scene in it. It’s completely ridiculous, and I really don’t know if that makes it better or worse. Proceed with caution.

Recap: Edward gave into tempation and tried putting the moves on Tiaa. She went along with it at first, but then pushed him away because they were in public and Edward already has a girlfriend. Edward seems to think Tiaa is a vampire, even though she doesn’t appear to be and his thinking she is doesn’t really make sense. 

Chapter 1 Previous chapter

AN - hi guys hope u like this one im quite proud of it! 

That’s a bit worrying.

thanx for the suport from my frends love u girls!glad u like it! oh an VINCENT ur so dumb of course tiaa didnt go to math in only her bra shes not a total ditz! 

Hey, you never said she put her shirt back on! Actually, you also described Edward ripping it off her, and we know it’s made out of fishnet, so… I kinda doubt she still has a shirt left to put back on.

one more time...DONT READ IF U DNT LIKE IT!

I can’t imagine not liking this story. I’m being serious. It’s a masterwork. It’s right up there with “My Immortal” in my eyes.

NO frickin flames what is the POINT of flamin ppl there is NO POINT so f off!

I think the point is to annoy the author. Which appears to be working.

Capter 3 – uncle larry

Wow! Really looking forward to the capter!

I sa t alone watching tv at dave and maries house. I couldnt stop thinking about my encounter with Ewdard Cullen earlier that day. He was so beuatifull and sexoy with such amazing hair and eyes I could hardly believe he had notice someone like me! 

Just me or is she a tad fixated on his hair?

Also… Tiaa isn’t the sort of girl who blends in, and she knows it. She’s aware that she’s pretty and she’s used to getting attention — both positive and negative — because of her looks. She’s also loud (she yelled at Edward when he bumped into her), and she dresses in a manner that… well, let’s just say most small-town high school students don’t dress like Tiaa. This girl isn’t ordinary and she’s well aware of it. Why the false modesty?

But I was angry at how he had made me feel, how I'd burnt like crimson hot flame wean he touched me and how he'd not listened to me when id' told him to fring off, and how he dared to touch me at all when he had a GF anyways, even if she was a mean girl with an ugly heart and not that hawt. 

Not only has she not met Bella yet, she hasn’t heard anyone talk about Bella either, so I don’t know how she came to the “she’s a mean girl with an ugly heart” conclusion.

But nomatter how much I try to hate him, I simply couldn't. Suddenly the phone range

"hello "

"hey, is that altantiana?"

"yah who is this?" I aksed.

"its Mike nooton from your class! 

She hasn’t met Mike yet either, unless that happened in the deleted scenes or something. I guess, if he called her house phone, that he could have got Dave and Marie’s number out of the school directory… but this seems a little weird if they’ve literally never met.

I was wondering if your wanted to go to La Plush with me too morrow night maybe? 

To clarify, he is talking about a beach. He means La Push. Stuffed animals are probably not involved.

Theres a party on the beech with whole crowd of us going and I thought you seemed relay nice so I thought maybe youd want to me my date please? -

I can maybe buy that a high school boy is desperate enough to ask a random pretty girl to a party with him in the hopes that maybe it’ll kindle some sort of romance, but this is a really bad way to go about it. Asking out a girl you’ve never met is… not the best plan. Why not just frame it as inviting her along because she’s a new student and it would be a good opportunity for her to hang out and make friends? You don’t have to be explicit about your crush before you’ve even had a conversation with her.

Also I think Mike is already dating Bella’s friend Jessica, but fuck her, I guess.

"arent you the guy who hangs out with all the pathetic chearleaders and stuff?" I asked

"you mean bella and jessica's gang? 

I’m gonna wait a bit to talk about how weird it is that Bella is hanging with a “gang” of cheerleaders, but like… why does Tiaa know Mike hangs out with them? Again, this is their first conversation, and (as far as we know) the first time she’s even heard of him.

Sometimes I guess but theyr'e way shallow and not as hot as you. 

He’s maybe undermining his own point there.

And they can be mean sometimes.-"

So… like anyone, then?

"then why do hang out white them then you shallow CREEP!and why are you askin me out when you harely no me mike! Cos u think im' hot? Why cant you see your just as shallow if you want to date someone just cost of what they look like - I'm not THAT pretty anyways! 

Oh, Tiaa, you and I were on the same page until you pulled the fake modesty card. Besides, isn’t this a bit of an overreaction? He asked you to hang out with him at the beach, it’s not like he’s proposing marriage or anything.

And even if i was, I'm SO screwed up in the bran you cant even imagine! u would no want to date me if you new how screwed up I was!"

What exactly does she mean by “screwed up in the brain bran”? Like, are we talking legitimate mental illness, or is this just teenage angsting? And, in either case, what exactly is her problem that makes her undateable? This is about the vaguest possible rejection, and I don’t know if she’s implying something is actually wrong with her or that she’s just Not Like Other Girls.

"I would, tia, beleive me I would! Your so beautiful you cant even imagine. Your so pretty people lose there minds when your around and forget there names and forget to brethe! 

That’s your only reason? She’s pretty? Weren’t you saying something about cheerleaders being shallow a minute or two ago?

How can't you have noticed that? 

Decent point, actually. If your character is dropping jaws and turning heads with her beauty, either she’s aware she’s beautiful or there’s a reason she doesn’t realize. Like… maybe Tiaa thinks the people staring at her are doing so because of how she dresses, not because they think she’s pretty. Tiaa has actually seemed pretty aware of her effect on others throughout, though, so unless she’s just playing modest around Mike for some reason this scene doesn’t make any sense.

And I don't CARE how screwed up you are! It only maked you more interesting! 

He’s not even gonna ask for clarification on that?

Your cool and different and you are honest about stuff! you are right to be angry with me. I'm sorry for benign shallow and dumb just give me a chance to show you how much I care, please? "

The argument he’s making would probably be way more convincing if this wasn’t, you know, their first conversation ever.

"well...ok maybe ill go along if I dont have anything else to do" i said, not believing a word he said about how pretty i was.

Oh, come on.

"thank you altantiana thank you so much!" he sounded so happy I couldnt help but smile as I put the phone down but my smile faded as I return to my thoughts. Mike Nooton was kinda cute and seemed like an ok guy but he was nothing next to Ewdard Cullen. 

Yeah, I guess when compared to the weird dude who tried to fuck you in a locker room and threw a shirt at your head Mike really isn’t worth a second thought.

Even though I was anger with edward than I have ever been with anyone in my life and part of me wanted to chop his head off with a sore, a part of my soul would all ways remain in that coridoor where we had kissed so hard and passionably. 

My mistake, they were in a hallway, not a locker room. Not sure if that’s better or worse, but, depending on how busy that hallway normally is, it’s probably worse.

I creamed myself. 

Didn’t need to know that.

My heart had soared that day like never before, and i new that no one else would ever make me feel like that again, then I thought how he was a cheater and a bastard and my face burnt with shame. I couldn't beleive I had behaved like such a hore. 

I mean… she didn’t, really. She went along with his advances up to a point, and it doesn’t really show good judgement on her part, but he was the one acting like a “hore” in this situation. Putting the moves on a random girl in a public space when you’ve already got a girlfriend? Keep it classy, dude.

I was scared of the affect he had on me.

Effect. “Affect” is a verb. Nice sentence otherwise.

(Okay, if you’re a grammar pedant, “affect” isn’t always a verb… it can also be a noun, when we’re talking in a psychology context, which Tiaa isn’t.)

"bye tiaa! We'll be back on Thursday ok?" mari put her head rind the door suddenly

"Ok then, have fun" I wispered clammily..dave and marie where visiting relatives for a few day.

Convenient. Two less characters for the author to have to deal with.

Wait, no, oh my god, I just remembered what happens in this chapter.

"you look so pretty" she says, smiling -your the prettiest gril i've ever seen!”

I… okay, that’s some natural dialogue.

"omg whatever" I reply. I hated it wen people say that. 

Come on, girl, it’s just a compliment! Not like she’s hitting on you! At least I hope not.

I pulled my blond hair over my face. I was wearin a short hot pink dress cut low with black lace frills at the bottom and black lace stocking.

I kind of like that Tiaa is a goth girl who likes bright pink. There are plenty of real-life goth girls like that, but you pretty much never see them in fanfiction.

"daves brother larry will be looking after you wile where gone you'll be ok when where gone wont you tiaa? I hate to leaven you alone like this!"

You know “leaven” is what you do to bread to make it rise, right?

"i don't need a freakin babysiter u no!" i was so embarasing, I could look after myself!

Freudian slip? I mean, she is pretty embarrassing.

Marie smiles and leaves the house.

Marie doesn’t give a fuck, it seems.

"greeting a;latnaniana my names uncle larry" said uncle larry, he came in threw the door he was fat and bald with tiny black eyes and a red face

You know he’s a bad guy because he’s ugly. That’s how it works!

"Hey - i said

"your the orphan arent you" he says "is it true you kiled your mother when she gave birth to you?”

Nice to meet you too, Uncle Larry.

"Wat!" I cry, my eyes filling with tears

"your an evil bich arent u? Go outsite and wash my car" he shouts angerly

I’ve just thought of a fun game. There are five more chapters left. Let’s all place bets on which chapter Uncle Larry will get horribly murdered in.

I stood up and left to wash his car. I got soap and a bucket, afraid of what he would do if I refuzed. I went outside and started to wash hush car it was a red porche. He came outside and wached me and I new he was waching me! 

I know the implication is he’s watching her in a pervy way, but if I was making someone wash my car and I didn’t particularly like them I’d keep an eye on them too.

After a minite he came over and hit me hard across the face

"wft!" i shouted

What Fuck The?

He poored the bucket of water all over me and hit me again,. I was wet and crying and he started to rip my dress and bra of me and rip my clothes. He touched my naked breats and I try to push him off me I screamed at him to stop but he did'nt. He bent me over the bonet of his car and spanked me on the ass for half an hour then he pulled my panties down and started to rape me!

I really don’t want to be laughing at a rape scene, because rape is one of those things that’s just inherently unfunny, but… this is testing me. I mean, an entire half hour of spanking? The dramatic announcement that he began raping her after he forcibly stripped her naked and spanked her for thirty minutes, as if this is a surprise? The fact that all of this is happening in plain view of any neighbors Dave and Marie might have? Good lord. I truly do not know how to react.

I also have to wonder why Tiaa makes little attempt to fight back here. It’s pretty reasonable to freeze up when you’re violently attacked, but Tiaa has proven that she’s both capable and willing to fight off anyone she perceives as a threat (kung fu babie!) previously in the story. Is Uncle Larry too physically powerful for her to win against? We don’t really know how big he is compared to her, and Tiaa has been described as strong and fast previously. Both of them are unarmed, and, if there are neighbors, the noise should alert someone to what’s going on (Tiaa has been shouting/screaming throughout). Why is he getting away with all this? Oh, right, plot reasons.

"stop raping me!" I cry but he didnt stop! 

Shocker.

The pain was terrible even tough his manhood was small. 

Didn’t need to know about his dick, thanks!

I cryed and cryed but he didnt stop for hours and when he finally stopped he left me on the floor and spat in my face and left me there. 

Wait… hours? This guy has impressive stamina.

I pulled on my clothes and cryed madly and ran off into the seething darkness of the midnight street. I ran and ran un till I came to some woods and then I fell down in the woods and cryed.

“Seething darkness of the midnight street” is a pretty good phrase, actually. I mean, super cheesy and doesn’t really mean anything, but if this was lyrics some alt-rock band wrote I’d accept it.

Suddenly a blast of white light exploded in head and my mark on my hand burned like a flame. I closed my eyes and saw the face of a tall white man looking over me with no expression, his eyes were burning red and his face glimmered cold and bright as the moon,. 

It was… VLODEMONT AND DA DETH DEALERS!

I fell back from the brightness of his body, his hair was dark as night,.

It was… VOLSEMORT IN A WIG AND DA DEATH DEELRS!

"atlantiana?" he whisperd in a voice softer than clouds -my daughter?-

Well, we all saw that one coming a mile off.

"omg" I whisperd as my mind went blank and the world went dark.

I hope she whispered the acronym instead of saying “oh my god.” Her dad will be totally confused! Old people don’t know how acronyms work!

Next chapter

[lizacstuff]

Anon asks

So as not to clog any of your dashes, fandom wank under the cut

beka1820 @beka1820  I’m confused how she said that TvLine and Deadline contradicted each other and that they’re crazy or whatever. Didn’t they say the same thing essentially. Especially about the specific 4? That whole post would be so entertaining if it wasn’t so insulting to JMo.

I saw that!!  I suppose it exposes her complete lack of reading comprehension? The stories were pretty much identical to me.  

However, she is one of those people who posts something, it turns out to be completely wrong, but then she comes back and says “look how right I was.”

Very Trump-esque. 

Anonymous said:The one thing I’d love to come true from that dumb post is for Jen to be made a producer.

I’m sure the reason that the producer thing is part of this pretend narrative is because it’s kind of an obvious guess at this stage of the game. Often in contract re-negotiations actors get producer credits and JMo is clearly the actor from the show who is the most collaborative with the creatives and she’s also the one who is most interested in things behind the scenes.  It’s not really that bit of a leap.

Also, I think it would be fabulous.

Anonymous said:That post was hilarious! I love how she took Jen’s pics on Instagram as clear signs of her planning to leave. I bet if I had the willpower I could go through Lana’s thousand selfies with her super deep captions and come up with all kinds of “signs” that she’s leaving as well.

Oh that was the best!  However, that fandom in general has been reading “coded” messages that their fanon ship would be “endgame” for years, I suppose it’s not a leap for them to read coded messages sent from actors to networks in random photos. 

Delusional.

And yes a behavioral psychologist could have a field day going through Lana’s feed. Narcissism anyone…

Anonymous said:I stopped reading the Jen hater post when she said Jen would refuse to do any interview with an smaller outlets. We saw her giving interviews to podcasts, youtubers, small websites. So when you detect something you know is a lie, the rest doesn’t even matter.

Exactly! Totally inaccurate. There are so many instances of that. “My sources say” well your sources (voices in her head) assertions are demonstrably false, so WTF are you even talking about?

Anonymous said So is it possible for a certain news person to come up with a load of crap, like pages and pages of bullshit (like that would take a really dumb long time to bullshit up) because they hate a certain actress/character. If so then I 👏👏👏 their dedication to their craft.

I’s astounding. I wonder if there is a Pulitzer Prize for Fandom Dumbfuckery?

Anonymous said:So the troll believes us Colin fans should be worried about the casting of Andrew as a possible regular next season if Colin stays… according to the trolls logic Andrew being a new pretty white face will be the new writers fav so no time for Colin… Lol I just can’t.. how can her followers still believe her crap

Simple, because they want to believe it.  They’ve lost everything.  So they cling to preposterous anti rhetoric that tries to spin everything that happens as bad for CS fans, CS, Hook, Emma, Jen and Colin.

It’s simple.

However, if anyone can’t see through every word and  buys the nonsense hook, line and sinker, then they are a total fucking moron.

Anonymous said:I think I know who that  troll you’ve mentioned is and wow! I read some of their posts and they are so stupid. Apparently JMo’s random innocent Instagram posts are some sort of message to the network! And every single thing Jen does is directly or indirectly meant to pressure the network! Are there people who actually believe this person? Because wow that’s dumb even for a S Qer.

Yep. It also shows how she doesn’t get JMo and doesn’t get how low-profile OUAT is in the “industry.”  Like I said in a previous post, her fatal flaw is she projects her own pompous, pedantic, pretentious, over-investment on to her “sources” and the “industry.”

To hilarious and scary results. 

Anonymous said:Could the troll make it any more obvious that she’s making everything up? I don’t think so.

No. She might as well asterisk everything with “this is total BS and wishful thinking”

Anonymous said:I think the relatively low amount of notes on that “industry sources” post is indicative of how far out of favor the troll has fallen. She’s been off the deep end since 5a, and doubled down on her “efforts” since the engagement ring showed up on Emma’s finger. I think the anti Jmo angle she’s been working for the last week damaged that posts impact; everyone knows she’s just got an axe to grind. I don’t think as many people believe what she says anymore. People don’t trust her.

No one should trust her. They shouldn’t trust what she says publicly and they sure as hell shouldn’t trust what she says privately.  However, at this point if anyone doesn’t have her number… boy I don’t know.

Anonymous said:Oh, is the troll scrambling to save face now that all her assertions that JMO quit appear to be bunk? What is her problem with JMo anyway? She’s been ragging on her for like 3 days now.

JMo doesn’t pander or cater to her sex fantasies by posting selfie’s with Lana so she must be stopped!!!!!! 

Anonymous said:I think my favorite part was when she added a point about Lana having auditioned for some pilots. But apparently turned down offers or something? She knew this back in January but didn’t think it was worth mentioning. Does she have a bingo game set up and whatever it lands on, that’s what those insider (voices in her head) sources tell her to say? Does anyone actually still believe her? I’m almost more concerned for the mental health of those people.

I find it hilarious that anyone believes that Lana was getting her door beaten down during pilot season.  If you believe that I have some beautiful ocean-side property to sell you in Kansas…

Anonymous said: What is the troll’s beef against JMo anyway? Isn’t she the same one who made up those rumors about Sean?

Yup, said troll was ground zero for the false allegations against Sean. 

Anonymous said:Here’s my question about that troll and others like her. There’s actually another fandom I’m in that has a vicious troll spouting off very stupid and even dangerous “insider info” that their followers eat up and take it as gospel. Are these trolls that give out all this bull making it up themselves, or do they actually have someone feeding them this info and they truly believe it is real? I can never tell if they believe it, or just enjoy the lies, attention, and drama they are able to cause.

In this case, I believe this one is making it all up, or with a small cadre of friends. She’s not being fed a line of bull by someone, her track record of lies is too long and deep.  I can’t speak to your other fandom, I guess it depends on how gullible the person seems to you. Because it is common for someone to try and find a puppet to actually put the info out there. This troll tried that with the Sean rumors, under the guise of fandom unity, making friends with CSers, O Qers, R Bers and trying to get them to spread it for her. 

Also this is not unique to OUAT fandom.  It’s happened since the dawn of fandom. People trolling, people pretending to know more than they do. etc. @counttotwenty and I had quite a cabal of false-info and false-spoiler trolls to deal with back in our West Wing fandom days. 

Don’t believe them and don’t believe this troll either.  

[angustdtt]

“Red-Handed” BTS V - Drabble

Anonymous requested: everything will fall into place -fight me you attractive stranger and don't you dare walk away- do it I dare you -with taehyung bts? a little smutty and fluffy?  A/N: Thank Noonie for requesting Tae! I decided to make a drabble~ I tried to do a different concept  Hope you like it! Feedback is always appreciated :3 Have a nice day <3 

Word Count: 2048  Length: Drabble Pairing: ReaderxTaehyung Genre: Smut-ish/Fluff Triggers: Roleplay, cussing

Masterlist

The sound of the coffee maker machine was muffled by the thick glass wall which separated the inside of the shop from you. Sitting at your favorite spot on the internal garden of your favorite Coffee Shop, thoughtlessly you played with the little drops of spilled Macchiato on the glass table, drawing little hearts or faces, writing small words or just circling around with your fingers. Waiting.

The scent of the processed coffee beans saturated the place, throw the glass you saw the barista behind the counter pouring hastily but evidently skillful the orders of the customers smiling at them when they thanked for the service. Your leg tapped anxious on the floor looking over at the tables where people sat together engaging in conversation, Everyone, but you. The day before at around six on the afternoon you received a quite odd text from your boyfriend, with some awkward enough indications for you to do the next day.

You decided to take off your phone from the pocket of your coat that hung from the back of your chair. You opened the conversation-

Tae: Tomorrow at this time go to that coffee shop you love to go- Tae: The one they sell that Cappuccino you like ok?

Y/N: Alright… Y/N: That was random…? Haha--

Tae:  And go to one of those tables on the outside... also use a skirt… Tae: And whatever I say follow my lead. ok?

Y/N: ---?? That mas more random! What do you mean? Follow your lead?

Tae: It won’t be fun if I explain it to you… Tae: Everything will fall into place.

It was definitely a weird text convo, you kept on demanding answers from him but he wouldn't answer your texts after that, so you decided to play along and just go to the coffee shop at the agreed time, at the agreed spot, with the agreed skirt… It was chilly outside because it was mid-autumn so under your skirt you put on some warm stockings, you rarely wear your skirts so you wondered why Taehyung would ask it from you, maybe he wanted you to look more formal? You pondered. “Was he gonna come with someone else?” Your eyes opened wide as plates “Like..his mother or father?”  you bite your nails staring at the cup in front of you as if it were to answer you. Your eyebrows furrowed and you looked at yourself, you chose a casual baggy but warm outfit, your hair was a mess because in your haste to leave you forgot to brush it, “I can't possibly meet my in-law’s looking like this!” you whined silently, cursing Taehyung for not telling you before. Hurriedly you grabbed your phone again dialing his number praying for him to pick up.

‘C’mon, C’mon, C’mon…’ you reiterated ‘pick up, pick up…’

‘Excuse me...’ a deep voice called behind you. Touching you lightly on the shoulder. Without taking your ear away from the phone you turned to meet the owner of said voice.

‘What the F-...’ you put the phone down and exhaled a relieved breath ‘Kim Taehyung i swear to god...’ you started to complain

‘Kim...Taehyung?’ He heckled scrunching his nose  and frowning looking sideways as if he tried to connect the name to a face ‘Mmm...no’ he flicks his tongue ‘Never heard of him...’ You blink twice not looking away from him, “What.is.going.on?”

‘Oh, so you don’t know him?’ you crossed your arms, he shook his head no ‘Then...who are you mister?’ you lift your eyebrow giggling at the mischievous smile he had on his face at your question

‘Oh, My name is Han Sung...’ He bowed  ‘Nice to meet you...’ he winked.

‘Han Sung...’ you tilted your head and then nod. ‘Then sorry Han Sung-ssi, I must’ve confused you with someone else...’ you apologized to him, more weirded out about the situation. You tried to found some answers staring into his eyes, but  he kept looking away almost embarrassed

‘So...’ he started ‘I’ve noticed you are sitting alone...’ He pointed at the seat in front of you ‘I was wondering if maybe I can sit with you?’ You saw now he had a cup of coffee on his hands and by the look of the dry marks on one of the sides of it, he had already been drinking from it “How long has he been here? And more importantly what is he doing?”. You were dying to ask him what was going on, but remembered one of the texts you got from him  “And whatever I say follow my lead. Ok?” So you refrained.

‘Sure, go ahead’ you gestured him to take a seat in front of you, Taehyung, no…, Han Sung moved the chair and sat down, took a sip from the coffee and left it next to yours on the table. He licked his lower lip, scrubbing on the thigh of his jeans with his hands he looked down as if he didn’t know what to say next, you just were there looking at him being so awkward ‘Are you okay Han Sung-ssi? your words freed him from this trance and lifted his gaze

‘Yeah. sorry...’ He smirked ‘Truth be told I'm nervous’  he confessed taking another sip from his coffee

‘Nervous?, Why?’ inquired shifting your position crossing your leg. He looked at this movement and smirked yet again.

‘Cause I’ve been meaning to talk to you ever since you came into the shop, I’ve never seen someone as pretty as you’

‘What?’ you scrunched your nose ‘Tae what’s the meaning of all this?’ you shook your head confused. At the mention of his name he almost chokes on his coffee

‘HAHAHA WHO DAT?’ he exclaimed ‘I’m not Taehyung, I’m Han Sung’ He coughed awkwardly ‘HA-N  SU-NG’ he enunciated word by word as if to explain it carefully so you’d understand, you scoffed and looked away amused

‘For real,What kind of game are you playing here?’ you looked back at him,

‘Ah!’ He claimed ‘Games?, well my kind of games are....role playing games,’ He winked and you slapped your face mentally  ‘what about yours?’

‘I hate them’ he flinched at your quick statement, and looked down at his hands shrugging not knowing what to say next, “He wants to role-play with me?, Alright...” you supported your crossed arms over the table in front of you getting closer to him ‘But I guess with the right kind of person I might enjoy playing’ Taehyung smiled gaining confidence again.

‘I’ve never asked your name, sorry-- you are?’

‘Jun Ji Hyun’ you replied without hesitation. Han Sung frowned surprised.

‘Like the actress?’ He asked entertained

‘What actress?’ you pretended not to understand what he was talking about 

‘HAHA WHO DAT?’ you mocked him. He rolled his eyes

‘Alright, alright, Ji Hyun-ssi...’ he nodded

‘So, what now?’ You whip your hair

‘Hmm?’   

‘Are you just gonna act shy and stay there until you finish your coffee?’ you confronted him and he looked baffled.

‘What?’ You snort annoyed to his question.

‘I’ve never seen someone as pretty as you ’ manifest repeating his words ‘That’s not a charming phrase, if what your intended was to come out as flirtatious’ you sighed acting unimpressed. Han Sung stayed petrified, he opened his mouth to talk but close it again looking up just as if the words were scribbled on the air and he was trying to read them. You felt a pinch of guilt coming out as a little pedantic, but if you were gonna play this game, you would do it right. ‘You think I believe I’m the first pretty girl you ever saw? Tsk’ you flicked your tongue. Han Sung blinked slowly looking intensely at you, a challenging expression behind his eyes, huffing he but on his lower lip, he nodded

‘Alright…’ he shifted his position and slumped back on his chair a new laid back attitude ‘I get it, you're not just like any other girl...’ said Han Sung smug licking the inner side of his cheek looking at you up and down, you simply shrugged

‘I’m different’ replied ,a pinch of pride on your voice.

‘Indeed,’ propping himself forward he placed his elbow on the table resting his chin on top ‘Then I’m gonna be dead honest with you,ok?’ You gestured for him to keep on talking with your hands and he chuckled ‘I have been meaning to talk to you ever since you entered the shop with that pretty skirt of yours,’ you blinked twice. ‘With that innocent look and your sweet little voice asking for your coffee… I thought to myself “this will be easy” but now, being here… I can tell you are a much more than just pretty looks, and i find that way more interesting’ You shivered at the fuckboy attitude he was displaying and tried not to burst out laughing awkwardly because Tae wanted to do this, but you felt extremely distraught about the situation- either way to chose to keep acting out your role

‘Still not impressed mister...’ you shrugged

‘What can i do to get your attention then…? I’ve never, and i mean this’ he draw a cross over his heart ‘ Meet anyone like you, so...enigmatic’ He slide one of his hands under the table and gently grasped your knee, eliciting a tickly sensation that run all the way up your back, you coughed but did not move your knee away-

‘Ok, you got my attention...tell me more’ you encouraged him, Han Sung smirked drawing random patterns over your knee with his fingers, moving up your thigh slowly.

‘You know, people on the other side of this glass can see us perfectly right?, what a wicked girl you are Ji Hyun-ie’ You looked back at him not taking your eyes away from his face.

‘Let them...’ you replied dryly and took him by surprised. His had was almost reaching your mid thigh. ‘Stop there...’ you warned and his hands came to a full stop. In all reality, you never thought about the customers and the employees of the shop, you didn't want to be kicked out! It was your favorite shop!, but also didn't want to kill the mood so quickly.

‘I don't want to…’ he whined playfully, his hands starting to retake their trail once again, when you could swear you saw the barista calling the Manager looking your way

‘Then I’m gonna leave...’ you defined.

‘Do it, I dare you...’ He said dramatically narrowing his eyes and shaking his head tugging on your tight.Yep, it was definitely the barista calling the Manager, you sat up quickly but Tae followed your moves and grabbed your wrist ‘Fight me you attractive stranger and don't you dare walk away!’ he said out loud really feeling the drama running through his veins. You punched his arm and pointed to the other side of the glass where the manager was walking towards you.

‘Tae, the Manager!’ His eyes changed completely and turn to meet with the concerned manager gaze,

‘Fuck’ He let out, he looked at you completely back to his normal self and grabbed your hand like he always does. ‘Grab your coat’ he told and you did as requested. Hastily you both exited the garden and trotted by the Manager bowing on your way out. When you reached the street you both let out a relieved sigh, Tae grabbed his heart with his free hand

‘That was scary...’ His voice was gruff and out of breath, you giggled at his confound expression

‘What happened Han Sung? Never got caught red handed before?’ you mocked.

‘Yah, Don't laugh…’ he started but began to chuckle as well ‘I wanted to surprise you by doing something different’

‘Oh I was surprised alright...’ you smiled hugging him surrounding his waist with your arm pressing him close to you happy to have him back ‘Such a fuckboy Han Sung’ you scrunched your nose.

‘Yeah, he is an asshole...’ nodded your boyfriend. ‘Let’s never inviting him back’ he winked with a half smile at you.

‘Agree.’ you finished.