#oh huzzah us military because i am NOT :)

[almondcroissantsandink]

i feel the need--the need for speed!

[the-alconbury-chronicle]

Creepy romance books

Okay!

So I didn't expect to be posting again so soon, but I have something I wanna say to more than just my family.

So as I might have mentioned...literally like two minutes ago, I am trying to write.

I do not plan to write romance novels, but I might still want to include relationships in my work.

For that reason, and that reason alone, I went to look for some romance books that include a trope I like.

In doing so I stumbled upon a video of books that use that particular trope.

"Huzzah!" I thought. "At last, a source of bountiful knowledge on this somehow niche topic!"

Imagine my disappointment when the very first book of the video completely bastardizes the trope I was looking into.

It didn't even just do it poorly, it totally corrupted it.

Which is a very funny joke...to me.

The book is called "Corrupt", okay?

What do you want from me, I'm not a comedian.

Anyway, the synopsis of the book is as follows:

Erika I was told that dreams were our heart’s desires. My nightmares, however, became my obsession. His name is Michael Crist. My boyfriend’s older brother is like that scary movie that you peek through your hand to watch. He is handsome, strong, and completely terrifying. The star of his college’s basketball team and now gone pro, he’s more concerned with the dirt on his shoe than me. But I noticed him. I saw him. I heard him. The things that he did, and the deeds that he hid…For years, I bit my nails, unable to look away. Now, I’ve graduated high school and moved on to college, but I haven’t stopped watching Michael. He’s bad, and the dirt I’ve seen isn’t content to stay in my head anymore. Because he’s finally noticed me. Michael Her name is Erika Fane, but everyone calls her Rika. My brother’s girlfriend grew up hanging around my house and is always at our dinner table. She looks down when I enter a room and stills when I am close. I can always feel the fear rolling off of her, and while I haven’t had her body, I know that I have her mind. That’s all I really want anyway. Until my brother leaves for the military, and I find Rika alone at college. In my city. Unprotected. The opportunity is too good to be true as well as the timing. Because you see, three years ago she put a few of my high school friends in prison, and now they’re out. We’ve waited. We’ve been patient. And now every last one of her nightmares will come true.

Already sounds pretty gross, right? But it gets worse!

Apparently Michael is planning to harm, or even kill Erika, because she somehow got some of his friends arrested?!

Hey dude, hey Michael. Fucking how? Okay? How are you and your buddies, all grown adults by now, gonna hold an 18 or 19 year old girl respnsible for their arrests? Is she a teenage detective? Did I miss that part of the summary or something?

Regardless, Michael gets close to Erika, intending to gain her trust before betraying her to his friends.

But uh oh! Michael falls for her! So now, he has to protect this girl from a situation HE put her in!

Honestly, I feel like a title like "Corrupt", coupled with it's description of "dark romance" perfectly encapsulates the nightmare that must lie between the covers of this book.

I hope to anything that might be listening that people stop feeling the need to write books like this.

Like seriously, just write likeable characters, okay?

I know it's not that hard to write characters that aren't either total dumbasses or awful people!

Just write about two decent people who have a healthy relationship, and let any drama you need to be able to, you know, have a plot, come from other people or situations.

Hell, you could have a romance that fits into another genre!

Superhero romance? Sure, maybe a pair of vigilantes are into each other and their relationship is the focus of the story rather than the crime fighting.

Fantasy romance? Great! Two characters in a magical setting with cool magical crap going on who also love each other, write about that!

Why does every "romance" book have to be a toxic or even abusive relationship, huh?

It's gross, yucky.

Anyway, I think I've gotten that out of my system.

That's all for now,

Tyr

[handelplayssims]

Right! We’re back at it again with the Wallace’s. And right back to them all being awake because of new households. And again, everyone is going to bed but Kiara. Who still wishes to chat with a kid and improve her painting. And Zayne’s awake. Let’s have you clean up dishes. I am also going to save real quick just before Ashlynn’s work starts. All I got so far is that it was related to her career choice that it crashed so now I’m going to save before work. ….I do not remember it storming before. So we must be on a different timeline where crashes don’t happen yeah?

And we’re off to work with Ashlynn. Was waiting for a computer to open up so she could get a case assignment...and then she walked over to an open computer that I didn’t even notice. Hooray! We got a much smaller house this time, with the uh, Nishdake’s home. And we actually get proper evidence this time! Hooray! Hooray! Loads of samples this time around! Guess it was just the stuffed Villareal home that made it hard for evidence to spawn in. But now we have to return to the police station. Cross our fingers it actually works...huzzah! It does and we can properly use the chemical analyzer to try to figure out the perpetrator. While I would try to clear off this scared moodlet of the storms before trying this, we don’t have the time I expect. Oh hey, we finished analysing the evidence! Now we need a computer to be free. Again.

Mio no! So the households I put in the file were the Xenoblade 3 folks, since I just finished up that game recently. And uh...well, I guess she could hop from military to police but I expected better of ya! Man. Next things next, is that we’re processing criminals at the booking and taking mugshots. All that stuff. But first! A lunch! A 16 dollar sandwhich. Hmm. Could make things at home and bring them here but man, that takes time in the morning.

It’s two hours until the end of work and we just now get to fingerprinting and stuff. Annnd we gotta get two of them. Ho boy. Well, at least we got the fingerprints in. And the search! Well, full day then! And no breaking yet! Back home we go and I set the kids to do homework again. And Santiago...wishes to make money. As usual! Ashlyn wishes to chat with a ghost, which is a pain because well, he’s a ghost. I can’t just call up a ghost and go “hey, let’s go somewhere!” because they won’t show up on the friends list. It is ghost night in terms of themed bar nights though. We could see him then potentally. But her second whim is a whim for pizza, which I shall indulge! Meanwhile I had Santiago play and pamper his kitty. Because he does that, and he needs the fun up.

It’s 7:30 now. Mm. Might as well send Ashlynn and Santiago over to the bar then. Besides which, I have a fun cerebulleum drink in Santiago’s inventory. That’ll get his fun need up and it’ll help with his writing skill gain. ...okay normally I don’t care about celebrities on lot but it would kinda be Santiago’s job to go and chat with them. Aye! He got the introduction! He knows Cassandra Goth, famed composer! Now to spam friendly socials until we get a full introduction to her! ...god I need to figure out a way to change career outfits. Hers is stuck in what looks to be a food service outfit when she’s a top-tier orchestration musician. ...you know, I would compliment her apperance, but that’s in romantic socials and HIS WIFE IS RIGHT THERE. But while he’s doing that, I should take a look at Ashlynn. ...Manabu still hasn’t shown up. Next whim is to steal but alas, can’t steal much. So I’ll just have her have a drink and wait a bit more. And now we’re introduced! Let’s ask about career and interview about life and story! Annd there we go. Article written! And friend made. Let’s go home! Because it’s 1:45 and the themed night is about to be over. Alas, Ashlynn did not get to meet up with her friend but Santiago made one! Productive night! We return home and the only one person who’s not scared of the storms is Kiara. Because of course. Really wish we had the tense moodlet instead. Also Zayne, why are you eating popcorn at the bed? Go away. I need to sleep there. You are getting yelled at for as long as you remain there. And you’re being forced to wash your dishes. Now, to bed! Making it time for-

Neighborhood Watch!

Julissa Seals in the Seals household has died. Julissa was victim to a vicious chicken attack.

NOOO! She was a uni student and I get super-attached to those roommates! RIIIIP!

Mizuki Inoue in the Inoue household left her job as a Nanny in the Babysitter career.

Mio Kobayashi in the Kobayashi household has died. Mio thought she could conquer a mountian but the mountain conquered her.

Forgotten Hollow: The Goode household recently moved in.

Mt. Komorebi: The Agnian Team household moved out.

Welp. Farewell Mio, Sena and Taion. I never expect to play with you guys ever again.

[yoshimickster]

RWBY Volume 6 Episode 7 “The Grimm Reaper” MicksteRecap-BEHOLD THE NICE BACKGROUNDS!

Hey everybody, last night’s Christmas party was a DOOZY, sorry I’m late-TIME FOR THE MICKSTERECAP!

IT STARTS OFF-

-THE SANCTUARY of the spring relic...which...Salem can just enter any time she wants apparently! Man, maiden powers AND a secret hideout, that’s awesome!

Hell, she can even invite FRIENDS inside! Just get some chairs, a TV and surround sound, you’ll have a chill pad!

Either way Cinder gives Neo the low-down about how Salem ordered Cinder to take Ruby alive NOT dead-ALL WHILE-

2:58 ...she...plays with her knife, like a total creep! I ain’t judging, we all gotta stim from time to time.

Anyway, Cinder tells Neo that while she can’t kill Ruby, NEO hasn’t taken ANYONE’S orders, and then the two become best murder friends forever!

Because we ALL KNOW how well the LAST time Cinder made a deal with a recurring antagonist...also holy crap Neo’s tiny, she’s like a murderous Felicity Smoak!

A THEN CUT TO-

3:38 THE BRIDGE FROM EVERY SAMURAI STORY! Don’t lie, you got Samurai Jack flashbacks to. It is HERE WE SEE-

-absoLUTE cosplay bait! LOOK AT THAT-its glorious!

And you just KNOW what’s comin’ next folks-

4:20 ONE ON ONE MONSTER FIGHT BITCHES!

Maria starts out with a bridge back-flip-

THEN-does a gun-scythe-kama toss-

-AND LANDS THAT SHIT IN THE SHOULDER-but wait-THERE’S MORE!

SHE FLICKS THE PURPLE SWITCH-oh Mauvisto we fear your dark power-WHICH TURNS OUT TO BE-

-MAGNETIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC SCYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYTHES-bitch! Most likely due to gravity dust! She then uses it to FLOAT HER ASS up to the bird!

“I’M MARY POPPINS Y’ALL!”

She SPINS IN for a shoulder strike-

AND LANDS-in the shoulder! Lot of shoulder strikes with this bird.

She then steers it through the anime mountains-

THROWS-one of her kamas-IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AIR-

-creating what LOOKS like a fixed point of gravity-

-PULLS back her weapons forcing the bird into a quick-stop turn, STEERING THAT FUCKER-

-RIGHT INTO A MOUNTAIN! FUCK YES-pro Huntresses rule! She also LANDS that bitch-

-RIGHT INTO A DITCH! RHYMING!

She then pulls one of her kmas out and everything is fine-OR IS IT?!

Nevermore: Hey.

Maria: Oh...hey.

Nevermore: Whatcha doin?

Maria: OH-I was just going to leave.

Nevermore: That’s nice, but how about I eat you instead?

Maria tries zigging and zagging-BUT-

4:56 It knocks both her weapon-

AS WELL AS HER! She’s only got ONE OPTION-

VAGUELY EXPLAINED MAGICAL SUPERPOWER GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

5:09 DAMN-petrified and then crumpled in MID-air!

After that kerfuffle, Maria than just goes on her merry way-

Tock: SURPRISE BITCH-I’m a crocodile!

We are then treated to one of the shortest...and MOST epic action exchanges of ALL time! Which starts out with THIS-

Maria: I don’t think you know who I am.

Tock: Course I do!

Clock: *Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind-DING!*

Tock: YOUR the Grim reaper! 

AND YES-there are screws in her croco-teeth, don’t question it, its just awesome.

Tock: And THESE are the last 60 seconds of your life.

*SHING*

6:10*GLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW*

And yes, the action scene ends exactly SIXTY seconds after she starts glowing, AS WELL as the clock stopping sixty seconds after it officially started and its absolutely brilliant-TO THE FIGHT-

6:13-Tock starts with a straightforward slash-BUT Grimm Reaper Maria blocks it like a boss-BUT-

6:16 -TOCK knocks away one of her mini-scythes-BUT MARIA-

-NOT ONLY gravetizes her other scythe back to her-

-BUT WHILE BLOCKING SHOTGUN CHARLIE-damn she was great in her prime. THEN-

-she slashes Machete Jackson RIGHT in the face-

6:27 Knocks away BOTH of these punks-

6:30 While knocking Hammer Armond down-LIKE A BOSS! BUT THEN-

6:31 TOCK comes in with the double slash, grinning like a mad woman.

Jackson and Tock get the jump on her, one zigs, the other zags, PROMPTING MARIA TO ACTIVATE-

6:44 BO-STAFF MODE-now it has DOUBLE the attack power!

She goes in striking Jackson-

-BUT TOCK-gets up close and personal-

6:47

And in a SPLIT second-

JACKSON’S back up and tag-teams Maria with Tock...wait, not like that.

Maria knocks back Jackson again, she zigs, Tock zags, LOTSA ZIGGING AND ZAGGIN UP IN THIS

ALL THE WHILE-the same tick-tick ticking is going on-OOOH-its like a Venture bros scene!

Maria looks like she’s got the upper hand-BUT TOCK-

6:56 BITES THE FUCK THROUGH her battle staff-

6:57 HEADBUTTS AWAY-her mask-

-where it SHATTERS in mid-air, holy SHIT! ALSO-Maria is pretty-HUZZAH!

Either way this LEADS TOCK-

7:01 -to slash her GOD DAMNED eyes open! All. Within. 60. SECONDS! HOLY SHIT!

Tock high off her victory then starts gloating to the no de-eyed Grimm reaper, mocking her as weak while Maria blindly shoots her gun-scythes-WHILE ALSO-

-throwing one of her weapons behind her, which Tock isn’t worried about at all...for some reason.

*CLICK*

*KER-SLASH* Dead...presumably.

Never doubt the power of purple folks.

8:04 FLASH FORWARD to the present, where everyone in the cart being pulled by a SINGLE motorcycle deals with the fact that they were travelling with THE Grimm Reaper this whole time. Seriously Qrow straight up geeks out a little to, admitting he based his scythe on her weapon...well...just the scythe apparently, also his gun is more of a shot-gun where as hers seemed more like glocks AH whatever.

Maria than gives herself a BIG OLD pity party, mentioning that even after she got her new fancy robot eyes she couldn’t bare to go back out into the field, fearing the danger that comes with battle and...I KNOW she’s clearly going to be Ruby’s mentor, but I ALSO hope she bonds with Yang as well, as holy SHIT she’s similar to Yang.

Both lost appendages during battle, both had said appendages replaced with mechanical accouterments, and BOTH are hilarious! HELL for wall we know Maria also had an almost-girlfriend who ran out on her, another almost girlfriend who got shipped off to Narnia, and a little sister who kept battling because CRIME! 

Hell, she PRACTICALLY acknowledges it-

9:11 Maria: Because some of you are clearly stronger than me all ready.

Yang: *Sad ephiphany face*.

DAMN am I glad she’s part of the group!

After Maria avoids Ruby’s plea to train her to use her magical Grimm zapping super eyes-WE GETS A SCROLL CALL-

Jaune: OH MY GOD I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU ARE YOU ALIVE?!

Ruby: I answered the SCROLL Jaune, the answer is clearly yes.

Jaune: I just miss my friends.

-INFORMING THEM ALL-that they are RIGHT CLOSE TO-

10:20 BASINGSE-I mean-THE WALLED CITY OF ELDIA-wait not...ARGUS-yeah Argus! But FIRST Team RWBYQOM needs to FACE-

-THE STEEPEST HILL ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET! I mean...LOOK AT THAT THING-its huge! Also I love the design of the trees and the grass, its just beautiful!

BUT-through the magic of television-

-THEY’RE ALL READY THERE! Seriously I bet it took them like TWO hours inching down that path. I know construction is always lax in Remnant due to Grimm attacks, but someone NEEDS to make that path safer!

But enough about that-BEHOLD-

-THIS CASTLE WALL-with lots of armed guards on the top! No Titan is gonna sneak up on the city on THEIR watch!

But enough abou that-ITS HUG TIME:

And a billion shippers hearts, just exploded. 

After the love fest, we get-ARGUS SCENERY THROUGH WORLD-BUILDING:

Look at all this, Rooster Teeth’s background budget got WAY bank and they are FLAUNTING that wealth!

This Objects and Oddities lady is my favorite, she’s just SO pissed off, I wander why?

We also see-

-A MOVIE THEATER-showing such brand spanking new films, INCLUDING-

TRYST IN THE MIST-a raunchy tale about a romantic affair that takes place IN THE MIST! Given 4 stars by “Incredibly specific affair based movie” monthly!

...a...MOVIE within a movie apparently...weird.

DEMON IN THE DEEP-one of several monster movies that SOMEHOW exist on Earth-RWBY. I’m just saying, with all the REAL monster attacks, wouldn’t monster movies seem insensitive? SPEAKING of insensitive-

THE FALL...of Beacon...I know I’m not the first to say this but too soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon.

So bla bla bla, Argus was made to promote trade between kingdoms, bla bla bla, Atlas military has all but abandoned it bla bla bla-LET’S MEET JAUNE’S SISTER!

LOOK AT HER! FEEL-her youthful and adorable mom energy!

And the REST of the episode is PRETTY MUCH just an assortment of adorable images.

Yang playing airplane with baby Adrien(THE CUTENESS).

THE THREE ARMED-flopping Jaune-IN ALL of its glory!

AN INSULTED BOY-

12:56 -and the women who adore him-

AND ALL THE ARC SIBLINGS:

Okay I don’t know HOW many fan-artists are left on Tumblr due to the incoming purge, but I want some ADORABLE web-comics based on this STAT! LOOK AT MINI-JAUNE-he’s so CUTE! And just when you things couldn’t get ANY better-

13:22

Sapphron: Everyone, this is my wife Terra Cotta.

BAM-twenty gay-TEEN mother fuckers!

SUBTLE-Renora sandwich time! Look at these two, YOUNG LOVE mother fuckers!

But more importantly Terra asks THE REAL questions-

Terra: Is that (Bringing students along on dangerous Huntsman missions) even legal?

Qrow: Er, uh, of course!

And I just...LOVE that both Maria and Ruby have the exact same looks on their faces, their both thinking “The closest thing we have to a real chaperone is a bipolar alcoholic...this is what my life has become”.

After a nice little sandwich lunch, and learning that Terra Cotta-Arc is a hardworking radio engineer being unjustly accused of bad mistakes(if there’s ANYONE to blame its Lionheart), while team RWBY decides the best way to GO to Atlas is with the LOCAL MILITARY BASE-which I’m sure will accept them with OPEN AR-

SLAM

Ooooooooooooooooooor not. Hey, its only HALF way through the season, they gots PLENTY of time!

SUMMATION-this easily had one of the BEST action sequences of the ENTIRE season, the backgrounds were BEAUTIFUL and there were just so many cute scenes-TEN OUT OF TEN for me! AND WITH THAT-that’s the end of MICKSTERECAP-if you liked what you read, message me if you want to donate to my Paypal or Ko-Fi. With that I will see you NEXT WEEK-on Mick the Nerd’s a.k.a. Yoshimickster’s MICKSTERECAP! Sorry this one was a bit late!

[soloshow131]

Updated show

Bring Back Chain mail -

Salterello music - 

Unit 1: Introduction 

Welcome to my castle.

My name is Thomas Paul Anthony Campe. That’s what I tell my family and friends. But I really identify as a medieval squire - squire Tom. . 

Unit 2: Self conscious 

Aye, I appreciate medieval culture. I like knights. In this day and age, I can become one! 

Unit 3: Premise 

Allow me, my lords, my ladies, to share with you the toils and triumphs, the highs and lows of my still ongoing quest of becoming a knight. 

Unit 4: A knights purpose

A knights purpose around the year 1000 wasn’t just to fight, but to serve. The word Knight itself comes from the Anglo Saxon word cniht, which means a servant – you may have noticed my dutious serving of (food) behavior before the dance. Bound to a king or lord by contract, in exchange for his loyalty, a cniht would be given lands; property on which he could grow and sell his crops. On this land, a cniht would produce heirs, the first born of whom would inherit this land and train as a squire to become a cniht! Ahh, the circle of life. 

Unit 5: My land 

My land is 1 Highfield Drive, Lexden road, Colchester, co3 3qa. My lord is the renowned sir Stephen Campe of Swansea. (Take out picture of Steve) Legendary pilot in his youth, and now a humble crafter of fibre optic cables.  

Unit 6: Cheeky

I’ve yet to produce any heirs yet, but give me time! I’ve fathered a bastard or two - you can ask any serving girl in ye olde playhouse about that.

Unit 7: Cleggy:

 They knight anyone these days. (Mock) 'Ser Nicholas Clegg', 'Bill Gates'  -  they knight Americans! They’re not even British! (Squint). Nay, I can't see them galloping into battle! Knighthood has been devalued!

Unit 8: Arthur

Where’s all the swords and chain mail? I’d grab my armour and join the queens army right away but firstly, I can’t afford any chain mail because I spent the last of my student loan on a pewter replica of Arthur and his round table - complete with all 14 original knights! And secondly, I disapprove of our military.

Unit 9: The Army:

They no longer want to get close and personal with our enemies. Everything is done with buttons or triggers from a distance. Where’s the respect?

Unit 10: Ned Stark: 

Ned Stark from game of thrones said that “If you would take a mans life, you owe it to him to look him in the eye and hear his final words, and if you cannot bear to do that, then perhaps he deserves to live.”  Forget missiles, bring back flails! Maybe if weapon technology wasn’t developing so rapidly, war would slow down - and we’d actually enjoy it more! nbsp;

Unit 11: Knife and Fork

(gesture out to them) Since a child,  I’ve been developing my own style of warfare. A Squire must be innovative - In close quarters, spontaneous. I ask ye all, at what time of the day are you most likely to be attacked? On the battlefield? Nay! When you eat! Three times a day, breaking your fast, supping your supper and... digesting your dinner - when better a time to have your gullet opened than when you’re hunched over a roasted hog, stuffing your guts - or sucking the bone marrow out of a honeyed Pigeon! Fortunately, we have by our sides two companions, often undervalued as basic eating utensils. The knife and fork. (say it as fuck). Or as I like to call them, instruments of war. Versatile and reliable; let their inconspicuous nature be your advantage. A range of vendors claim that theirs is the superior quality but - I recommend ye purchase from IKEA for a well balanced pair of arms. (show knife)  

I once stabbed straight through a gluttonous hand with this beauty... if your enemy happens to have his own utensils, fear not to engage in combat. To demonstrate the effectiveness of the knife and fork, I invite a lord or lady to the stage…

 Attempt to steal my Potato! And I’ll judge your worth. You have ten seconds. But first, safety (Hand them a glove) Bard! Some battle music if you will! Oh, curse you for a villain. That won't do – leave us! My lords, my ladies, I apologize. Pray, try to conjure up some imaginary music.  

Let us begin! (Do funny voice and taunt the opponent)  

En Garde, pre, parri!

Lunge, riposte, parry, counter stab, disarmed!

(We duel over a bowl of potatoes.)

 Haha! I am victorious - but humble. I will share with you the spoils of war.  

Unit 11: Fair Maidens:

But just as a knight needs his fork, he needs a sheath for it. Fair Maidens, they’re hard to come by in Colchester. All the best stock are taken and linger outside McDonald’s, their greasy hair just like mine, glistening in the sunlight. Lady Shanara Stone of Highwoods. I’ve had my eyes on her like a Hawk does its prey.. if only I could grasp her. 

Unit 12: Favour:

She gave me her favour. A token of her gratitude.. I’ve got it here. Sometimes, I can almost taste her.. 

Unit 13: Sonnets:

She is worthy of all the sweet sonnets and ballads there are, for through her stems all good virtues.

Unit 14: Tyler:

If only she wasn’t with that vile Sir Tyler of Greenstead Estate... Friends, dost thou scent that? Lynx aroma, and more than a hint of cannabis? Hah! I knew it. Ser Tyler. Dost thou insist to fill the world will foul qualities! After I’m through with you next is your mother. HEMA club taught me this one - historical european martial arts. nbsp;

Unit 15: Knights in White Satin:

 Oh Shanara.. why him! (song)

Part of the difficulty I have as a modern day squire is that I’m all alone. I cannot trust anyone… I need loyal companions, fellow squires who too seek to bring light to this dark plain we tread on. So.. (sigh) I’ve decided to create my own order, with fresh statutes, in the hope that they’ll tempt some of you lords and ladies into joining me on my adventures.

I researched some of the rules from knighthood orders in the past such as Williams the conquerors laws. On of them is ‘One God to be revered throughout the whole realm’. Now I understand that some of us here may worship different gods, some of us may not worship any god at all, some of us may be considering worshiping a god but need a little proof. Well fear not! (take out second chair character). One god to represent them all! Take your pick, hah! He’s not much of a talker, but most gods aren't - and this one is completely physical. Seeing is believing! He’s right here guys, you can’t deny it. What shall we call him? Great. I’ll leave him here, to watch over us.

Okay law two I found on the English defence league website and it’s to 'refuse to tolerate the intolerant’ right, now I thought this would be good rule to adopt as it’s ambiguous isn’t it? We all find people intolerant and as founder of this order, I don’t mind who you chose not to tolerate as long as you’re not violent towards them. That's all I've got for now, but I've left some parchment outside the inn so do ink down some of your own suggestions after.  

To symbolise our new community I have chosen our tools of warfare and defence - the knife and fork. Now, for the special part. The knighthood. Who will step forward? You will represent all the others. Kneel. Be without fear in the face of anything that has a face. Know that I love you as a brother, and shall throughout eternity. Speak the truth even if it leads to your imprisonment and a criminal record . Safeguard the helpless and bear your knife and fork with honour. That is your oath! Welcome brothers, sisters! To the order of the Knife and Fork!

Unit 15: Reflection:

Often I wonder, do I belong in this life, do I have a purpose? I strive to be a true knights and yet  am accused of being sexist or patronising. Yesterday morning, I broke my fast at university and held the door open for a fair maiden, despite her ingratitude I remained, my arm bearing the weight of that upright plank of wood while not one, by five others passed through my gateway of kindness. Still I stood strong as ten others passed, along with ten more minutes of my life. An hour gone and the whole room had emptied, save for but a young lad who gazed at me belligerently. 

Unit 16: Ungrateful 

(To Tyler) I do this twice a week! I don’t even lift! It never gets any easier and yet no one seems to care!

Joe comes on. Tom, can I go home now? I'm tired.

Go home? Retreat? Now? You'll stay here until the end of the congregation.

This is so pathetic. You're not a knight! You're a friendless nerd who doesn't wash and mum wants you to buy more tin foil because you've left it in a right state. I'm going now.

Nay, Joe. Come, this is folly!

Piss off Tom. (leaves)

Unit 17: Give up

Who am I kidding. I’m not a knight.. I’m not even a squire. I’m a student who can’t face up to his dull reality. I return home to my mother and fathers castle, not mine. I owe them for all that I have. So many years I’ve wasted, cocooned in history, reading about greater men than me, letting my hair and finger nails grow long, chasing a way of life that vanished hundreds of years ago.. only the folks at the medieval fair here in Colchester understand me and I can’t stay connected to them for I don’t agree with modern technology! This is all self indulgence. Romanticism. Chivalry, whatever it is.. is dead. nbsp;

Unit 18: Hope 

Phone call My lady? What? You really want to come? Well, it’s at castle park… they have archery and a hog roast… I could purchase you a broach if you like! Oh, brilliant, marvellous! I shall see you at 10:66! Oh, ten past six, right. Huzzah! nbsp;

Music