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ballorawan740 · 3 years

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SCP Scenarios: SCP 1678 (Unlondon) x Reader (REQUESTED)

Source: Photo

Requested by: @lilithisfurry

Ok, so I've done it!!! 😃

Before any of you say a thing, I know that there are 2 humanoid 1678s which are 1678-A (Bobbies/Policeman) and 1678-C (Wretch) and an avian type one (1678-B)

The one I'll be using is 1678-A (Policeman) because it takes too much time to write 3 versions of this SCP (But I might consider writing the other 2, but it's highly unlikely)

First Encounter

When you first met this humanoid, you were sent into SCP 1678 for some test

The police humanoid emitted a loud whistle as the speakers screamed ‘‘Police! Halt, criminal!’’

A couple of others who were with you attempted to shoot them with their guns but were quickly shown to be resistant

Luckily for them, they managed to plant some explosives which caused damage

The other 1678-As went in and attacked them which wasn't unusual because of their hostile nature

However, for you, one of them managed to capture you and ran

For some reason, it showed some interest towards you and warded off the other SCP 1678-As off from you

They seemed to understand that you were "marked" and left you alone

That particular 1678-A managed to get you out from harm and back to your foundation

The foundation staff did wonder what had happened and you told them everything with proof since you were wearing a bodycam

They've soon noticed that this particular policeman was softer towards you as you bandaged up its broken arm

Your feelings for him

After the incident, you were sent back down into 1678 for further research and you bumped back into the sane 1678-A

You only remembered that it was him because of its gesture and its unusual markings which distinguished him from the others

Somehow, you both were able to communicate with each other

The researchers realised that they seemed to understand human speech, mainly English, however, they seemed to understand other forms of European languages as well

Moreover, this particular Bobby also understood sign language and used it to his advantage to communicate with you, displaying some fondness for you

The researchers were reluctant to let you carry on with this test as they've noticed that you've reciprocated the same gesture

Let's just say that the researchers and the other Bobbies agreed to the fact that it was strange for you and that special policeman to be dating

His Confession

Over time, as you both became closer, he worked up the courage to sign to you that he cares a lot about you

And you've found that rather cute and returned the gesture

Which then made you both a rather unique type of couple

The other 1678-As were concerned and curious about this new relationship and so was the Foundation

The researchers had decided to borrow your newfound partner and took him to his new room (No, you've basically kidnapped him)

Needless to say, the other Bobbies were somewhat furious while others were glad that he's gone since he betrayed them for not killing you

Your new partner was somewhat homesick, so you've decided to paint some victorian style art for his cell

Date

From time to time, you both were shoved back into 1678 which just so happens to be the main place for you both to date

Some of his friends were relieved to see him and some would even offer you a hug

You obviously returned the gesture for being so flattering and because your man could finally get laid (NGL yall still be touch starved to the point you'd even date strange beings and objects)

Dates with this Bobby would be rather interesting

Like, he'd hold hands, but probably wouldn't start it during the beginning of the relationship because he's just shy (Just like everybody else here)

Since his face is all bandaged up, you wouldn't really be having many kisses

But he'll make it up with hugs instead

His fellow friends would probably enjoy bothering the both of you while you're there and would pull pranks on you both

If you both were in the foundation, you'd be chilling in his cell and talking bout your experiences in life (Not like you'd have much to say, get back to studying/work)

The researchers may poke fun of you both but would generally leave you both alone

When he gets jealous

Now, depending on who he's jealous of, he would react differently

If it was another fellow 1678-A, he would be slightly hostile and assert his dominance over the others

However, if it was a member of the foundation or anyone else that's not 1678-A for that matter, he'd be even more aggressive and would probably try and kill them

Unless you manage to stop him then it's fine

This Bobby would be slightly possessive because you're the only other person who genuinely cares about him other than his 1678 friends/family

If he sees you having a friendly chat with another person/SCP, he would wrap an arm around you just so the other person knows you're taken

I think over time he learns some boundaries so even if he is aggressive, he wouldn't just automatically send the dude you're with to hell

Unless that person is a crappy person then good for them

Yandere!1678-A

This yandere right here would literally kidnap you and take you back into 1678

He'd make sure that you would never find a way back into the foundation which does concern the researchers, so they send a group of D-classes and MTFs to find you

If he was feeling nice, he would let you wander around 1678 but he would most likely be next to or near you at all times

If he was having a bad day, he would tie you up in a random building and made sure that nobody can get in or out

Would most likely be even more hostile to everybody else around you

If you haven't behaved, he'd probs use something sharp to inflict pain on you

If you managed to behave, then he loosens the ropes around your arms, legs and neck

Probs would feed you tiny doses of 1678-D but only a bit because he's aware of how that affects the bodies of ordinary humans

Their younger sister

You and the other 1678-As would literally be families at this point or friends with the ones who are lurking away from the main area of 1678

And since you were rather new, you were treated as the younger one (That's also because you're the youngest one)

Would probably protect you from everything

You would be spoilt to death and wouldn't have to hurt a fly

One of the policemen would get you a 1678-B as your personal pet

And it's rather fond of you so it basically follows you around

Would most likely intimidate your dates if you have one

Even more so if they're a human/SCP from the Foundation

If it was another member of 1678 then they're more chill

However, if you were dating 1678-C, they'd be quite reluctant for you to be in a relationship with her but would let you anyways

When their kids say their name for the first time

Would 100% be crying internally and shocked

Like, it happened out of the blue since you both were just relaxing

Word would spread across the whole of 1678 because of this

And not because you both were a unique pairing in the first place

1678-A would try to teach your child some sign language in contrast to you who would teach them to communicate verbally

Most likely try and teach the kid to defend themselves and probably attack others

But you wouldn't let him because they were too young (Just like you lot!!! Shouldn't y'all be studying in primary or high/secondary schools?)

The other 1678s would literally yeet their way to meet the kid just so they can teach your child to say more words

And to swear of course

When his S/O is angry

Oh dear

If the foundation doesn't know any better, they'd just assume that all the Bobbies were the aggressive ones

And oh boy were they wrong

You were the one who needs a chill pill

Basically, some guy tried to hit on you and wouldn't stop

So you just casually gave him a taste in his own medicine

Which were a punch in the face and a kick in the nuts (Kids, don't do this to a guy unless he really deserves it)

He somehow got back up and carried on harassing you

Your man was just strolling around the park until he saw the commotion

He had to literally hold you back and made the guy run for his life

Which was a shocker since it's usually the other way around

And of course, everybody inside 1678 heard about the news and cheered on for you while others just ran since they didn't wanna have the first-hand experience with your anger issue

When someone tries to steal you away

Oh this man right here would gather all his police friends as well as the birds to hunt down whoever stole you away

He would be furious to the core and rightfully so

The foundation was informed of this and they didn't blame this SCP

And that's because the person who stole you was from the Chaos Insurgency

Both GOIs hated each other's guts so the foundation just kinda let 1678-A hunt down the guy

And he did along with the MTFs

But was met with you standing over the guy's dead body

Then everybody realised that your man taught you how to protect yourself

And you did it so perfectly that even 1678 was intimidated af

Nobody wanted to mess with you and your partner was relieved that he taught you self defence

When his pregnant!S/O gets hurt by accident

This particular 1678-A that just so happens to be your partner, is rather shy and introverted

Nad although he does his 'job' well, he would rather just stay away from any contact

Until he met you and you became pregnant

This 1678-A would be slightly more protective but would let you have some space

And because of this, you managed to give yourself a papercut

Which was met with a furious policeman

But was cooled down when you explained your injury to him

He was giving you a huge lecture about your safety and how not to get hurt because you're carrying his baby

Wouldn't leave you alone ever again

Even if that means he would have to sit by the corner at all times

Would send his mates to come over to check on you if he wasn't there

Meeting a dragon hybrid child fem!reader

Definitely would be curious about you since they mostly interact with Foundation staffs

Probably would try to attack you but instead got burnt

1678-A would definitely notice your strange appearance and that you cry lava

Would feel bad so he'd try and comfort you

This then leads to you both being rather attached to each other

This particular 1678-A would have to bribe the others to keep you

The foundation realising this would happen

Probably would let you stay there for research purposes

They would most likely help level up your telekineses

Treats you like their own child and would be extremely protective

Most likely would have a heart attack every time you show kindness towards foundation members instead of attacking them

Every time you're in danger, the ones attacking you would soon realise that they've screwed up

Because the SCPs can hear you cry which would summon a whole bunch of them

When he accidentally kills you

He was basically chilling with you until some MTF members arrived to take some samples for testing

They were attacked by the other 1678-As and retaliated

This chill guy would lead you to safety before attacking the remaining MTFs

You realising what has happened decided to try and help out

You noticed that one of the MTF members were about to shoot your guy and managed to throw the gun out of his hand

1678-A notices and tries to attack the member but instead killed you

The remaining MTF members flee as he mourns your death

He would be even more vengeful and aggressive to the foundation members

Which does scare off the other Bobbies

Stayed in one of the abandoned houses to cry alone

Yandere!1678 - A x Evil!Reader

I'd say aside from his yandere self and the fact that he's only more aggressive to everyone else aside from you and giving you some scars, he's pretty dense and thicc in the brain

Probably wouldn't notice that you were working on them for a project in the GOC

You were able to get away with a lot of things because of your small stature and innocent appearance

Definitely managed to fool this yandere!1678-A because of your appearance

You could be just as vicious when you want to be

Yandere!1678-A soon realises that you were just using him for some experiment and were angered to the point of no return

Would most likely try and hunt you down

But since you've already got enough information about this SCP, you were able to devise a plan to leave

Manages to catch up to you but you were fortunate enough to know enough self-defence tactics to ward him off

You never came back to him and he was depressed for all of eternity

Trying McDonald's Sprite

You were requested to bring some ordinary food to 1678 as a test

And you've decided that you wanted to bring some Sprite with some Apple pie, mozzarella dippers and pancakes (They're my soul food from Mackies ok? Don't judge)

When you arrived in 1678, that one particular policeman who is attached to you for some odd reason was curious about the food

Of course, he would need to take off the bandage on his head to taste the food but not before some bribery from you

He reminisced about the food since he loved eating them before he turned into 1678-A

Sprite, however, was slightly different

He never tried them and was surprised with how good they tasted

Most likely would ask you to get more for him though

Foundation staff would be rather conflicted but allowed you to reward him with Sprite and some food

Only whenever he behaved well though

When his kid swears at him

You should've seen the look on his face (oh the irony)

You both taught your kid verbal and non-verbal communications with some common sentences people would say

But never have either of you taught your kid how to swear

Kinda just happened and 1678-A was about to go into cardiac arrest (Pun intended)

Would hunt down whoever taught them that depending on the severity

Like if the kid was using a ton of swearing in a sentence and was directing it to either of you, 1678-A would kill the guy

You were more of a chill type of parent

But would recommend the kid to stop swearing sine it's rude

Most likely wound ground the kind for a week tbh

When the reader scares him (Child!Reader)

Well, let's just say you managed to make the policeman play hide and seek with you

And you were the one hiding since you secretly knew that you were a professional at it

So you made 1678-A to find you

And although he's pretty good at catching his victims, he couldn't find you (Cuz y'all be so short)

Like he was literally in front of you and he still couldn't see you and you even giggled

So you've decided to jump on him

And oh boy was he about to scream out for help

But luckily he didn't cuz the others would whoop yo ass

Probably wouldn't give you a lecture but would need a while for his precious heart to not go yeetus the fetus

He would probably yeet you though tbf

When the reader pole dances/aerial silk dance

1678-A probably would have some ideas on what pole dancing is

Maybe not as much with the term aerial silk dancing but would soon understand when he sees you dancing

Probably thinks that you're trying to fondue with him if you're pole dancing

Definitely would be in awe when he sees you dance with the aerial silks

Would have a difficult time mimicking you if he ever wants you to teach him

Has definitely fallen 1000 times while pole dancing and broke his arms while dancing 10 ft off the ground

If the others inside 1678 see you dancing, he'd be in a blushing mess, especially if you were dancing to certain kinds of songs

Would most likely tell you to dance for him privately so there's no peeking

Having a Pregnant!S/O

Would most definitely be on the guard more since you're carrying his child

1678-A would most likely follow you around like a well trained and clingy German Shepard

You'd most likely have to tell him to tone it down because you're pregnant, not some delicate flower

Would most likely do whatever you tell him to do, even if it means hurting himself as long as you're safe and sound

Definitely would make sure that another 1678 would be around you at all times when he's away from you

1678-A would occasionally rub your stomach and sing victorian era songs

Sometimes he would bring you some of your favourite foods

When you try to commit suicide

When he hears the news he was devastated

He literally ran 69 miles just to see you

Would give you a big boi lecture about doing that

Nearly had his heart jump out of his body

Would constantly follow you everywhere after this

He's basically your bodyguard at this point

Would bandage up your wounds

Makes sure that you're fed well and all and would give you random gifts out of the blue

Would most likely ask the other Bobbies to care for you if he's not there and would even give you 1678-B

Asks the Wretches to keep a lookout to make sure nobody hurts you

Having a hopelessly romantic/easily flustered GN!Reader

This particular Bobby would most likely be just as easily flustered and hopelessly romantic as you

I'd imagine him trying to make the first move and you both being in a blushing mess

You both would exchange little gifts every now and again

Everyone else just teases and ships you both

You both loving each other unconditionally and constantly worrying about each other when you're both away from each other

This Bobby would definitely protect you from the MTFs and/or D-classes from attacking you

You would make a deal with the foundation to keep your guy safe and sound

The foundation witnessing how lovey-dovey you both are and just dies of cringe and sweetness overload (but not as sweet as out 999)

#scp #scp scenarios #scp x reader #scp headcanons #scp x reader headcanons #scp x reader scenarios #scp 1678 #scp 1678 headcanon #scp 1678 scenarios #scp 1678 x reader #scp 1678 x reader scenarios #scp 1678 x reader headcanon

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pathological-peoplepleaser-alert · 3 years

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Hospital Playlist : Season 1

So, I recently re-watched season 1 of Hospital Playlist in preparation of season 2 that’s going to be released on the 17th of June, and I have a couple of thoughts that I want to share. Warning: It’s going to be filled with spoilers, so for those looking to avoid that, please don’t read more. Also, this is a looooonnnnggg one :)

“Hospital Playlist” is a Korean Drama that follows five doctors in their 40s who have been best friends since adolescence as they form a band together. While the log-line appears simple, the depth in the script and acting will enchant any audience. The narrative is free-spirited and quirky, reverberating friendships forged by love and time in a heart-warming style.

This slice of life drama realistically tackles what occurs within the white walls of the hospital. From ungrateful patients to the long wait for donors, it has it all. This drama covered plenty of cases, each of them as sad as the next. I recall when Yang Seok Hyeong, an assistant professor of obstetrics and gynaecology, had a patient who delivered a baby with anencephaly. He was considerate enough to not allow the mother to hear the baby’s cries by playing loud music in the delivery room and quickly escorting the baby away from the mother. I teared up during that scene, and I still tear up just thinking about that. I watched it as a case in a K-Drama, but it is many people’s gruesome reality, and all I can offer are my sympathies.

Despite zoning out during the technical aspects and elucidation of medical terminologies, I could feel the gravity of an operation and the burden of Atlas resting on the doctors when they held the scalpel. I liked the fact that there wasn’t any hospital politics. Rather, the show focused on the doctors, as they tried their best to save their patients. I mourned during the losses of life and celebrated with the characters after a successful surgery.

The ensemble cast for “Hospital Playlist” was flawless. The sincerity of the actors and the efforts they had put into studying and understanding their roles were clear as day. The chemistry between them was organic and the banters, natural. While they didn’t verbalise every emotion, the viewers could feel their familiarity, like they were real-life friends on screen. I was on an emotional rollercoaster as I watched this, rooting for them through hardships and cheering whenever they laughed.

“I wondered why my life was getting so difficult. It was really tough. But all of a sudden, one day, I realised how much time I was wasting. Wasting my life away like this because of what she did to me was doing a disservice to myself.”

Jo Jung-Suk did a flawless job portraying Lee Ik-Jun. This was my second time witnessing a drama with Jo Jung Suk, and while I wouldn’t applaud his performance in “Oh, My Ghostess!” (But in his defence, I found that script to be problematic) I absolutely loved him in “Hospital Playlist”. Lee Ik-Jun is an assistant professor of general surgery. He’s funny, sociable, laid-back, charming, and a dotting, single father to his son, Woo Joo.

The first time I, as the viewer, was introduced to him was gold. Naughty little Woo Joo had managed to put a blotch of super glue to a Darth Vader helmet, which was later worn by his father. During an emergency at the hospital, Ik Jun showed up decked in Darth Vader gear and bravely holding a light saber, demanding that the helmet was unglued from his head. He got his wish, but only after performing surgery while wearing the helmet.

Watching Ik-Jun and his son together is heartwarming, to say the least. You can tell how much he loves his son, as seen by the way he prepared meatballs from scratch, including the ketchup, excitedly for his son, only for the latter to claim he wanted meatballs, causing the former to trip on his way to the kitchen. I also adore how most of the bonding scenes we see between them happens over sandwiches. I find that very precious.

Ik Jun is also very friendly to everyone. He warmly welcomes the medical students, greets his colleagues with a smile, and most notably, plays as a matchmaker between Jeong-won and Jang Gyeo-wool, even if it is so the latter could assist him on more surgeries. His relationship with his sister is also beautiful. I love how authentic they are, from their bickering and the hidden ways they care for each other.

Ik Jun provides comic relief plenty of times— I nearly fell off my chair laughing when he mimicked a train, and also upon seeing how adamant he was to eavesdrop on a private phone conversation of Kim Jun-wan.

“I don’t deserve to be a doctor. I can’t control my emotions. I empathise too easily.”

I must admit, Ahn Jeong Won has a soft spot in my heart and is my favourite from the group of friends. An assistant professor of pediatric surgery, Jeong Won gets overly attached to patients and takes every loss personally. Due to his sensitive nature, he’s detailed in everything he does, earning the teasing nickname of “Buddha” from his colleagues.

Hardworking but overemotional, there have been many instances when Jeong Won swears to quit being a doctor after a patient has unfortunately succumbed, and it’s only through the insistence of his oldest brother does he continue his job. He’s immensely religious and has a close relationship with God, and considered being a priest until the season finale.

His interactions with his young patients tug on all my heartstrings. From the gentle way he gets the permission of small children to check their vitals, to the dedication with which he treats his patients and dissolves their fears.

One of my favourite quotes of this drama was said by him, “Do you know why doctors only give vague answers such as ‘We can’t be sure yet,’ ‘We don’t know yet,’ and ‘We need to observe a bit more?’ Doctors must take responsibility for their words, so we must be careful. There’s only one thing we, as doctors, can tell our patients with certainty. ‘We will do our best.’”

Despite being born from a wealthy family, Jeong Won is nearly broke, spending all his fortune anonymously covering the hospital fees of poor patients.

Chae Song Hwa summarised Jeong Won’s personality neatly in episode 12 when she said, “Lastly, there’s you (Jeong Won). Seeing others enjoy good food makes you happier than when you are eating it yourself.”

“If the doctor gives up on the patient, he isn’t a doctor anymore.”

At first glance, Kim Jun Wan appears cold and scary, but there are so many dimensions to his character. He’s blunt, assertive and has a reputation for telling his patients what they need to hear, not that they want to hear.

However, he’s possibly the most caring person, having allowed Jeong Won to, in his own words, “mooch” of him for years now. He was also always nagging and hovering over his friends, keeping a stash of chocolates for them. He stepped up as the Chief of the cardiothoracic surgery department multiple times, whether it was to act as a shield to his mentee or to reprimand his juniors about the importance of (a patient’s) life and how every single decision taken by a doctor has to be thoughtful and absolute because there’s no way to reverse such things.

A great example of his outer versus inner personality is when he’s questioned by a medical student on why he chose to be a cardiothoracic surgeon. While he claimed that he became a surgeon after asking his professor which job would allow him to get the most money, with a glimpse of a flashback scene, it was revealed that when back as a student, Jun Wan was given the opportunity to witness a surgery and then, to touch a beating human heart, and felt life, that solidified his decision to choose cardiology as his field. Recalling that scene gives me goosebumps even now. That was magical.

Jun Wan is also a huge foodie, his only competition being Song-Hwa.

“What have you done for yourself lately?”

Chae Song Hwa is an associate professor of neurosurgery. Discerning without being too critical, she is intelligent and is often the mother hen of the group. Respected by her juniors, she has also been fondly dubbed the ‘ghost’ due to her busy schedule that has left several of her colleagues wondering whether she has time to eat or sleep. She was everywhere and knew everything, which allowed her to quietly look after the residents of the hospital and the patients.

Despite being buried under piles of work, she still made the time to grade her juniors papers, and I’m reminded of one of the first instances the viewers were given of her, which was when she comforted a patient in the elevators of a hospital. The only female professor in neurosurgery, she is kind to her patients.

I adore how decisive she is, being extremely clear about what she wants, drawing boundaries while still being friendly and radiating professionalism to those around her, despite the hardships she might be going through. She routinely goes camping during the weekend and is the embodiment of positive self-love.

Some of my favourite moments in this drama was literally just Song Hwa and Jun Wan aggressively eating like they’ve been hungry since the dawn of time. Song Hwa might have claimed that the reason she ate so rapidly, so full of zeal was because of growing up with older brothers, but Ik Jun was quick to shoot her down and note that they all looked boney.

“My time is too precious for that. I want to live doing the things I like. And the things I want to do right now.”

Probably the most under-appreciated character, Yang Seok Hyeong is a treasure. My first opinion of him was ‘mama’s boy’ and while I was correct, wow, I had not expected the reason why. In his youth, Seok Hyeong was not close to his mother at all, and we could even see him ignoring her phone calls. But after everything that happened with his dad, he grew closer to his mother, developed a new sense of protectiveness and appreciation for her, and I adore that.

He was also the reason the band reunited in the first place, making that his condition for working at the Yulje Medical Center. Despite seeming aloof, he was an open book to his friends. He didn’t like to bother or intrude on people and usually kept to himself, gaining a reputation for being a loner whenever he was not around his four friends.

Throughout the season, he was trapped in a whirlwind of turmoil, from the news of his unexpected brother to his father’s death and his surprise succession to the company he wants no ties with. He maintains a calm exterior and braces through the troubles.

Seok Hyeong lives up to the sensitivity his job demands from him, softly informing expecting mothers about the risks of their pregnancies while encouraging and empathising with them when things get hard.

He prefers to stay in the shadows and allow people the opportunity to sort their messes out themselves, after reminding them that he’s only a call away if they need him. He’s an excellent confident booster and appreciates those who are responsible.

These characters stayed not only in my mind but also in my heart. Each of them has such vivid personalities I can’t entirely capture in words. Their insecurities, struggles, and feelings were so real and incredibly relatable and easy to empathise with.

As conveyed by the title, music plays an important part in this T.V. serial, by allowing the characters to reminisce their college days and also allowing them a breather from their stressful life. There are thousands of words in the English language, and yet, I can’t string together enough of them to express how I felt when Jo Jung Seok sang Aloha.

The doctors use music not only as an outlet to release their frustrations, but also to express their thoughts and feelings. To heal. Listening to the songs and the covers made by the band lightened my heart. The labour they put into practising the songs made the moments more precious.

Through the music sessions in this T.V. serial, I found my affection for each character increasing. I found myself surprised to recognise some of the songs considering they are quite old, but I hummed along and felt the air around me thrum with glee as they sang.

I also found it rather ironic that Chae Song Hwa is considered to be a bad singer (her pre-routine of gulping down raw eggs fascinated me on an odd level) although the actress who plays her, Jeon Mi Do is a talented singer.

Therapeutic and well-written, I marvel at the writer’s ability to weave together arrays of mundane subplots into endearing bliss, leaving lingering positivity after every episode along with a yearning to watch more.

I’m a huge fan of writer Lee Woo-Jung’s Reply series and was hesitant to start this drama, afraid that it would fall short of expectations. But having watched it, I can safely say that those concerns were unnecessary, and whatever expectations I had were only exceeded. I couldn’t recognise any leading plotline of this drama. To me, it simply showcased the daily life of five doctors.

As it is character-driven, there is a slow progression of the drama, which needs some time getting adapted to. It was also a little hard trying to keep track of the multiple characters initially introduced, but within three episodes, I was able to get a hang of things. The dialogues were witty, impactful and sharp, capturing my attention from the beginning to the end. However, despite containing a plethora of humorous moments throughout this serial, there was a subdued layer that focused more on the community than the plot.

I must admit, however, that I found the first episode to be subtly chaotic and slow-paced. I couldn’t grasp the concepts or connect with the characters until the second episode, after which I had no qualms.

I loved the character arcs in this story. It was a pleasure to observe their journeys and diligence as various storylines diverged or amalgamated, how they grew as individuals while maintaining their core values. The flashback scenes were fascinating to watch and compare how they are now to how they used to be.

The cinematography was stunning. I was in awe at how different shades and tones of light could impact not only the setting of the scene but also the mood of the viewers.

I recommend “Hospital Playlist” to anyone who likes to watch T.V. serials possessing the perfect amount of drama, laughter, angst, warmth and love. This serial is a truly rare gem in a basket of rocks where the storylines are solid without being too predictable.

#hospital playlist #season 1 #kdrama #spoilers

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shyrose57 · 3 years

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Thank you other anon for wishing me well!! That means a lot to me!

He does but Raq doesn't actually know Rans backstory. So he doesn't know Ran has siblings. He just assumes his mom either died or abandoned him due to finding Ran completely alone and being a hybrid. Before Ran would just scream at Raq in Enderian, now both Raq and Ran scream at eachother in it. Jackie describes it as, "A screaming match to assert dominance."

Yep, his body was already straining itself to fend off the posion and the teleporting ended up straining him more than he could handle. So as soon as he teleported them he collapsed and wasn't able to even stand.

That just made me imagine them digging down only to look up and see Phil clambering down after them like a mole.

After he made a scavenger hunt made out of everyone else's items. Phil found his axe in a destroyed tree trunk and Ran found his sword buried in the ground. While Sapnap found his bow hidden behind stones and Jackie was never able to find his particularly because Ranboo forgot where he hid it.

Yes, although its very rough.

Porkius is very very suprised and needs time to come to turns with them being there. While Porkius reacts well to Techno, Techno does not like Porkius and has threatened to punch him a few times and one time he followed through and punched him hard enough to make him fall to the ground.

Definitely.

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Ranboo is still his ancestor! Ran feels mostly confused, startled, scared, and oddly a bit comfortable. Phil makes him feel comfortable because he reminds him so much of Watson who was a very close and comforting figure to him. But Techno kind of scares him cause while Porkius was kind to him he was also strict, so he's afraid Techno will be stricter and mean just due to how he looks. He also just kinda ignores Ranboo at first because he can't handle the fact he's looking at his now alive ancestor.

Not really I'd say, even though they all have different enderman percentces, they have the same instincts. Though due to Ranboos memory problem, his memory of enderman culture is almost non-existent, and instead presents itself through his instincts. If any of that makes sense?

Karl is terrified upon seeing Ran, as soon as he even hears he's here he immediately drops what he's doing and after a few questions runs off to find and confront him. Tubbo is incredibly fascinated by Ran and at first he respects Ran's boundaries and stays away from him, but as soon as Ran is walking around outside and exploring the surrounding environment, he sees that as the perfect opportunity to bombard Ran with questions. Eret (who I like to headcanon is like a medic and knows a lot more about medicine than most), doesnt comment at first and is instead focused on helping him, but after he learns more about Ran, he is fascinated by him but takes time to get to know Ran and work on making a friendship with him. No one else, not even Michael knows about Ran being there, though they do eventually find out.

A multitude of reasons 1. He landed wrong and ended up breaking an arm and cracking two ribs due to the sudden stop. 2. He isn't used to traveling through time so time travel had the affect of making him very sick, including headaches and nausea. 3. When he was dragged into the timetravel a match in the Pit just ended and he had a few bruises and cuts that hadn't been taken care of yet, so the travel and harsh landing just aggravated them and re-opened some. 4. The harsh landing ended up also giving him a concussion.

When Ran is finally consciousness enough he refuses to speak in anything other than Enderian. At first Phil and Techno are scared he can't speak nor understand their language. But Edward steps in and tells them he can both understand and speak it he just doesn't want to necessarily. So Edward does the communication with Ran on their behalf, he also takes the time to comfort and help him come to terms with him being there. Edward is also the one to gently push/convince Ran to actually speak to them.

Agreed, uh, maybe From Future to Past? Idk.

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I already have a name for this au thankfully, Tip of the Iceberg AU. (Also I wanna say real quick not every single character in the Dream SMP or Tales From The SMP will be featured in this au because it's just to many characters for me to keep track of, it'll mostly be characters I feel like I understand if that makes sense)

They end up everywhere, the Bandits end up in Las Nevadas and end up robbing the place before they bolt, running with no real direction in mind. Zack and Cletus end up just outside of Las Nevadas but they run off into the woods once they hear yelling inside the country. Isaac, Porkums, and Grievous end up in Kinoko Kingdom. Ran lands in Erets castle and accidentally breaks a window from his entrance. Jackie, Jon Jon, and Sheriff Sherman end up in Pogtopia but manage to get out (expect Jackie who is stuck and they can't get him out so they actually left for help). Benjamin lands into the ocean around the Guardian farm. Ranbob also lands near the Guardian farm but instead on land. Charles and Watson land somewhere nearby Foolish's summer home. Ranbulter and James get dropped onto Tommys Memorial Island. And Ash lands in Snowchester. (Note I believe these will be all the tales characters I'll be mostly using, but if any get added I'll probably mention where they also ended up).

Something important though is that almost no one stayed where they landed, Ran ran off into the surrounding forest so he could focus on regathering himself and calm down without worrying about getting attacked, Benjamin just randomly picks a direction to go (North) and ends up picking up Ranbob to join him. John John and Sherman went different directions to look for help; the Kinoko Kingdom group argues before finally Porkums and Grievous head off together having elected to follow the oceans edge (they think the Kingdom is abandoned and think following the ocean will eventually lead them to a city or something), while Isaac calls them stupid and stays around the Kingdom, exploring and taking stuff; and Charles and Watson just kinda walk around though stay in the general area. Anyone I did not mention stays where they landed or is close to where they landed. SOMETHING IMPORTANT THOUGH IS THAT NONE OF THEM GET DIRECTLY SEEN BY ANY SMP MEMBERS RIGHT AWAY, its only found out what happened when Quackity accuses Fundy of stealing from him which he heavily declines. And instead says that he saw others riding out of the country so it must've been them (he saw them from a distance), and their descriptions are enough to unnerve Karl who then goes back to Kinoko Kingdom to look at his Tales from the SMP books where he runs directly into Isaac and realizes what he feared is true.

Once Karl gets confirmation that people from both the past and future are here he immediately calls an emergency meeting and just tells everyone almost immediately that he's a time traveler so it doesn't become a problem later, they don't believe him but Isaac is kind enough to help convince them. Soon everyone is convinced and while everyone is included only a few are actually part of a active search party. Those people being Techno, Phil, Ranboo, Tubbo, Foolish, Quackity, Sam, Eret, Bad, and of course Karl. Everyone else is assigned to just keep a eye out. Not everyone is in the party because they didn't want to be or they had other stuff to be doing.

He explains the In-between and Other Side but other than that they never really interfere, if anything he gets dragged into both sides when sleeping and the two sides both push him to find everyone and fix it all.

Jackie, as per usual, is the funniest gremlin on the block.

Poor Ran!! At least he gets some rest?

Absolutely terrifying image, I pity the poor fool who witnesses it.

Pfft. Can you just imagine the chaos? Half the time it's probably just caused by his memory issues. Prank war a few weeks ago? Ranboo forgets the traps he put up, and everyone ends up with brightly colored hair, and a large amount of rabbits in their house, and he;s standing right there with them trying to figure out who did it.

It's something, so I'll take it!

Technoblade: Nearly starting wars since...uh, whenever he spawned in, I'm not really sure of the details there.

Good.

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So Ran is aware Ranboo is his ancestor? Does he have the same backstory as Brothers AU!Ran?

Does this mean Ranboo is working solely on instincts when around other Endermen or Ran? How does that work out?

And since Enderwalk has all his memories, what are Ran's encounters with him like? Is he aware of Enderwalk state, or was that lost to time? Where do their instincts lead them? Does Ranboo get a bit more hesitant towards Ran when he's leaning more on them? Or is he more open and welcoming? Can he tell Ran shares his blood?

Confrontation? Uh oh, how does that go? Especially considering Ran's possibly the only one to have a vague idea of Karl's hobby? Does it end up coming out?

How does Ran feel about having Tubbo constantly ask questions? Is Tubbo just curious, or is he trying to figure things out? Does this mean Ran ends up in Snowchester, or does Tubbo head to the Antarctic? Medic Eret?? What kind of relationship do they have with Techno and Phil to get called in and come to their aid? How do Eret, Karl, and Tubbo learn of him, if this is being kept hush-hush, and why is it being kept such?

Poor Ran, he's really gotten the short end of the stick here. So time traveling can negatively effect those not used to it/built for it? Does Karl suffer similarly?

And Edward speaks Common, then? Also, Edward!! Is he still Techno's roommate here? Does he have a little nearby area? Or does he head back to the End when he's not hanging around? Has he been helping Ranboo as well?

Sounds good!

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Gotcha, gotcha.

The fact that the bandits first instinct upon appearing in a strange new place with no prior warning is to rob it brings me great joy. How does that go for them? How far do they get, what do they steal?

Cletus & Zack: Dunno who you are or where I am, but I don't like the sound of that, so lets bolt.

Issac, Porkums, and Grievous actually don't sound like a chaotic combination, so they probably don't cause too much trouble.

Poor Eret. Imagine just trying to enjoy your day and coming back in to see your window broken.

Jon Jon and Sherman with Jackie just sounds really funny actually. The blatant contrast from time periods and all, and Jackie's pure chaotic energy...Also, they'd both be so much taller than him. Why was he stuck though? What happened?

Another question is, at what point was everyone tossed back? Long after Karl had left, before meeting him, in the middle? Is it different for some? How do those who've met him before react? Why does Isaac believe Karl, and how does he help convince the others?

Who's found first? What happens then? Is anyone hurt? What are both sides definition of 'fixing it all', and how does being dragged in between the two effect Karl?

#Brothers AU #dream smp #dream smp au #From Future To Past AU #Tip Of The Iceberg AU #tales from the smp #karl jacobs #ranboo #tubbo #technoblade

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hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger · 5 years

Text

Stop praising Dan Slott for ‘progressing’ Peter Parker

During and after Dan Slott’s agonizingly long run on Spider-Man a common point of praise from those who loved his run has been how Slott allowed Peter to develop and progress. This fundamentally boils down to how in Slott’s run Peter:

· Got a regular job

· Became a scientist fulfilling his life long ambition

· Became a company owner

· Ran an incredibly successful company and became financially stable off the back of it

· Began to fight crime on a global scale

· How Peter was able to now help MORE people and do so in more realistic and sustainable ways via his newfound wealth and resources

· Had lots of different suits and gadgets in his arsenal he could draw upon as Spider-Man showcasing how prepared he now was, how, if you like, responsible he was being in his capacity as a crime fighter

Thing is…none of that stuff holds up to scrutiny. Some of them don’t hold up as examples of progress for Peter, some of them don’t hold up as examples of progress Slott pioneered and even the stuff that could be argued to be examples of progress don’t hold up as examples of praiseworthy writing on Slott’s part.

And I’m gonna break it all down as to why that is.

Let’s tackle those points as they came for the most part.

· Got a regular job

· Became a scientist fulfilling his lifelong ambition

Peter has ad regular jobs before Slott’s run. Ignoring his show biz carrer, in the Silver Age Peter decided to try and take up a job offer from Norman Osborn.

Sure, he didn’t follow through on that cos Norman went off the deep end again, but it still demonstrates Peter taking an assertive step towards financial and job security.

In the 1990s, contrary to what Slott and others will tell you, Peter ALREADY got a regular job as a scientist....twice...

In the 1996 mini-series ‘Spider-Man: the Final Adventure’ Peter took a staff job at Garrid, the company that created the device that irradiated the spider that bit him. His rationale wasn’t even just financial security, but to learn all he could about his own biology in order to be prepared for any problems he had with his and MJ’s unborn child. Oh look. Spider-Man being responsible by getting a job to support himself, his family and manage his child’s health, his family being you know ANOTHER way he was progressed as a character!

Temporarily in the Clone Saga Peter also got a regular job as a staff photographer for the Daily Bugle.

Later in the late 1990s Peter took ANOTHER regular science job at Tri-Corp which was the company Garrid evolved into and also what Dan Slott shamelessly ripped off for HORIZON labs.

Wanna know something else?

Peter got his foot in the door at HORIZON labs via Marla Jameson taking pity on him after her husband/Peter’s brother-in-law got him fired and blacklisted as a photographer.

Sure Peter demonstrated sufficient aptitude to get himself hired by HORIZON labs but he was still helped via someone else to get his foot in the door, which is NOT what happened in Tri-Corp. He got his job at Tri-Corp all off his own back.

So this progress not only happened before but demonstrated GREATER independence and development for Peter than in the case of HORIZON labs!

Peter ALSO got a regular job in 2001 when he became a teacher at Midtown High in the ‘Coming Home’ arc by Straczynski and Romita Junior.

Please tell me again how, whether as a scientist or a company owner, SLOTT progressed Peter again by making him a scientist or giving him a regular job?

It’s obvious that had happened before, meaning at best Slott simply restored some progress for Peter, but he doesn’t deserve any credit for innovating it, as though he developed Peter in the way Stan Lee did when he had him graduate or something.

It’s especially laughable to give Slott credit for progressing Peter via his HORIZON labs job considering Slott got rid of those by the end of his run!

Granted he DID leave Peter with a different regular job as the Bugle’s science editor but (putting aside how this was dumb since Peter knows nothing about editing) again, he wasn’t the guy who first GAVE Peter a regular job nor one connected to science!

· Became a company owner

· Ran an incredibly successful company and became financially stable off the back of it

This is the biggest example of when people praise Slott for progressing Peter.

He became a company owner.

First of all I find it frankly (and I’ll get a little political here) gross that being rich and owning a company is equated as ‘progressing’ who you are and a badge of success (all us mere employees aren’t REALLY successful right?).

Your success in life, your progress has nothing to do with your wealth and it’s disgusting that people equate the two.

If you are a good person who does your bit, you’ve succeeded in life frankly. You don’t need to run a mega corporation.

Second of all...fuck off.

PETER becoming a company owner isn’t a marker of his success or progress because he had NOTHING to do with getting that company or making is successful.

Doctor Octopus did.

Doc Ock earned Peter’s doctorate for him.

Doc Ock founded the company

Doc Ock manipulated things to make it successful.

Shit, Doc Ock was the guy who invented the device that was the basis of Parker Industries signature product.

When you are just HANDED something and don’t have to work for it, it’s not a form of progress or development!

Slott deserves NO credit for progressing Peter in this regard because it’s the equivalent of saying you’ve progressed in earning your collage degree when someone did all the work for you.

Peter didn’t evolve as a character because of any of this stuff nor did he evolve to obtain it in the first place!

Hell Peter himself wasn’t even a COMPETENT boss. He price gouged people.

He irresponsibly neglected his duties as a boss to go play baseball with Miles Morales.

And, oh yeah, he used the resources of his newfound company to illegally interfere with the politics of a foreign Nations!

How the fuck is this progress?

· Began to fight crime on a global scale

· How Peter was able to now help MORE people and do so in more realistic and sustainable ways via his newfound wealth and resources

Again by fighting crime on a global scale we mean invade foreign countries!...a tactic he might have also picked up from Doc Ock from when he controlled Spidey’s body.

Oh look, so even that isn’t something Peter did himself.

Moreover there is a more significant problem with Peter fighting crime on a global scale, or owning a big successful company or obtaining true financial security.

I’ll illustrate the problem like this.

Would it be bad if aliens showed up out of the blue in Lord of the Rings?

Would it be bad if in Dawson’s Creek international spies began becoming integral to the plot?

Would it be bad if in Game of Thrones an interdimensional portal opened up and suddenly Jon Snow and Daenerys would have to deal with Imperial Storm Troopers?

Would it be bad if in Thomas the Tank Engine, the plot suddenly veered off to be about a murder mystery and rape on board one of the train carriages?

Would it be bad if in the Luke Cage Netflix show, suddenly Luke became a 1% Republican who lived out in the English countryside, decrying Black Lives Matter as anarchists who need to be stopped and this was framed as a good thing and in fact the morally right thing to do, supported by the other characters and the BLM framed as the villains?

The answer to all of these would be a resounding YES!

But why?

Why would all those things be bad?

Because in storytelling, even if hypothetically in-universe something happening does make sense, there is a bigger consideration.

Consistency within the defined conceptual boundaries of that series.

Basically Luke Cage is a character and TV show defined by being a street level, urban superhero concerned with issues pertaining to Harlem and more specifically stuff directly connected to racism that the citizens, Luke included, have to deal with, with the story framing racism as bad, the rich as exploitative of the underprivileged citizens and so on.

What does this mean?

It means Spider-Man being a rich, globally successful, globally famous CEO of the biggest tech conglomerate on the planet (to the point where his name is a verb) and acts on a global scale fighting crime well beyond the purview of New York is a BAD thing. As is giving him an expansive arsensal of high tech gadgets.*

It is creatively reductive and impoverishing of the character and the series.

And even if hypothetically it can be viewed as a form of progress and development it’s progress and development in a WRONG DIRECTION!

Spider-Man as defined by his creators and more importantly the stories they and others systemically told about him is intrinsically anathema to all that shit from Parker Industries.

Spider-Man is called the friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man for two reasons. Firstly as a ironic statement upon his poor public image owed to Jameson’s smear campaign against him. But more importantly because he is local!

He’s fundamentally a New Yorker, fundamentally the little guy, one of the people, an average, relatable citizen.

I.e. the direct polar fucking opposite of a 1%er.

He’s one of us!

He is SUPPOSED to not be totally financially secure, like MOST people are.

He’s SUPPOSED to stay on his patch, his neighbourhood (New York).

He’s SUPPOSED to be down to Earth concerned with smaller scale crimes instead of big international stuff.

He’s SUPPOSED to not have all the best resources at his disposal and go into battle with a limited about of equipment!

Violating any (let alone all) of those things is objectively bad writing because you’ve totally removed everything that defines the character in the first place.

Sure. As a brief temporary off beat arc wherein things go back to normal in the same arc that veered them off course and wherein there are no real long term ramifications to the innate essence of the character, you can go against the spirit of the character.

But Slott didn’t do that. He went hardcore against the spirit of the character, he didn’t do it for a brief arc, he made it the entire status quo and it lasted for YEARS, whether you just confine it to the Parker Industries era beginning in 2015 or even further back than that when he got all his uber high tech gear at HORIZON labs in 2010.

And again, Slott TOOK all that shit away by the end of his run anyway.

So why the fuck does he deserve any praise for progressing the character when in his own work of his own volition he removed all that progress and it was progress in a direction we should NEVER have been going down in the first place.

Final points

Slott didn’t even just progress Spider-Man in a bad direction in an unearned way.

Slott actively regressed the character in various ways.

Slott dismantled his long relationship with Mary Jane, removing her from even being a regular member of his supporting cast and eroding her established characterization along the way.

Slott DESTROYED Ben Reilly as a character, a figure who’s presence as a ghost or a physical person could’ve/did serve to develop and progress Peter as a person. He was his brother and more significantly allowed Peter to grow as a person by appreciating his own sense of identity.

Slott wrote Spider-Man as mentally 15. His work reveals this and if you don’t buy that he literally said so in a public statement!

Spider-Man isn’t mentally 15.

Spider-Man grew up fast because his uncle died and he needed to fill his role as a provider.

Slott is thus responsible for regressing him into a manchild.

So Slott for these and every other reason discussed is owed ZERO credit for ‘progressing’ Peter Parker.

You want to see progress for Peter done right?

Go read the JMS run.

Go read the DeFalco run.

Go read the Roger Stern run.

Go read the Gerry Conway run.

Go read the Stan Lee run.

Do not read the Dan Slott run.

*And before you say anything NO, this doesn’t mean the PS4 game is bad nor that it justifies doing that in the comics.

Adaptations must filter the essence and source material through the needs and necessities of what that adaptation (via it’s medium or its’ ‘project mission statement’) demands. In a modern VIDEO GAME which is about having stuff to play with and giving players lots of options an arsenal of gadgets is practically a pre-requisite the it isn’t in the comics, it’s no different than accepting in Spider-Man live action features his eyes not changing shape on his mask.

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soveryanon · 5 years

Text

Reviewing time for MAG136!

- In a very interesting way for an episode dealing with The Web (both as an active force outside of the Institute and… very close to it: Annabelle sending Alison there, Jon being unable to focus on his lighter), this episode dealt, in a lot of small ways, with the idea that members of the Archives team are… regaining control of themselves and their lives?

Melanie is attempting therapy! She’s cautious about it but she’s taking measures to try and get better, she’s putting efforts into it, she wants to feel better!

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: If you don’t mind me asking, [STATIC:] where are you off to…? MELANIE: Therapy. [STATIC ENDS] … Wait. ARCHIVIST: Oh…! Oh, God, Melanie, I’m, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, uh… MELANIE: [EXASPERATED SIGH] It’s fine. I would probably have told you eventually, anyway. ARCHIVIST: Even so, I shouldn’t have– MELANIE: Just… forget it. [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] It’s good, though. I–I’m glad you’re getting help. MELANIE: Yes, well. We’ll see. There’s a… a lot of crap therapists out there. ARCHIVIST: I guess. Still, it–it is a good step.

Jon is right on this and… there was already something hopeful in the way that Melanie didn’t explode at Jon for accidentally compelling her; she wasn’t pleased by it but… she could have shut the conversation down. Instead, she tried to minimise a little what Jon had done and asserted her boundaries, which she did again with the therapist, but without cutting either of them out. She’s clearly not in the bestest of places, was uncomfortable with the topic… but I’m so glad and proud of her for taking this “step”, for deciding that she had to deal with her demons – possibly from way before she even came to the Institute for the first time?

Meanwhile: it wasn’t so much about Jon’s actions but about what he finally admitted – that he’s aware that he made a choice, that he’s actually had… a very twisted and casually self-destructive way of facing the coffin and of considering his own life since he’s woken up:

It has been a process for Jon, too; the theme of “choice” has been sneakily prevalent in season 4 so far, following up on season 3:

(MAG087) Georgie: [SIGH] Look I’ve, I’ve got work to do. You listen, or don’t listen, or cross-record, or whatever you want, just… just think about it first, okay? You can choose to leave it alone. [DOOR CLOSES] ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] [TAPE PLAYER IS LOADED] [CLICK]

(MAG092) ARCHIVIST: I never chose this! ELIAS: You never wanted this, no. But I’m afraid you absolutely did choose it. In a hundred ways, at a hundred thresholds, you pressed on. You sought knowledge relentlessly, and you always chose to see. Our world is made of choices, Jon, and very rarely do we truly know what any of them mean, but we make them nonetheless.

(MAG111) GERRY: Thing is, it’s harder than it looks. What’s out there doesn’t care about blood. […] But they care about your choices, your fears.

(MAG117) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] You– you know what, no. I’m… I’m done with that. No more paranoia. It’s almost got me killed more than once, and… Georgie was right. If I am… slipping, then I need people I can trust. And I… I don’t think that can happen naturally for me an–anymore, so… I’m making a decision. I trust them. All of them. E– except Elias, obviously, that’s not– I mean…

(MAG121) OLIVER: The thing is, Jon, right now, you have a choice. You’ve put it off for a long time; but it’s trapping you here. You’re not quite human enough to die, but – still too human to survive. You’re… balanced on an edge where The End can’t touch you – but you can’t escape him. I made a choice. We all made choices; now you have to– […] Make your choice, Jon.

(MAG132) DAISY: I don’t want t–to be a s–sadistic predator again… I–I don’t want to… hobble around, like some pathetic, wounded prey either… I don’t know which would be worse. And I’m sc–scared, now, that I’ll never get the choice… ARCHIVIST: One thing I’ve learned, Daisy, is that we all get a choice. Even if it doesn’t feel like one.

(MAG134) PETER: … Look. I’m not gonna pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to. It won’t even work unless you’re willing to commit.

(MAG136) DAISY: Get over yourself! You’re always talking about choices – we all made ours. Now I’m making the choice… to get some drinks in. Coming?

So, although his memories are still missing and he might not remember Oliver either (Jon has never mentioned him so far, and given how Jude had been able to kick Jon out of her dreams, he might have done the same thing despite giving a live-statement), Jon is aware that he made a decision – maybe without knowing in the details what was at stake (there could be a few things we could still scream at Elias in MAG092 re: informed consent :w), but he was faced with two options and elected one over the other. It has its own shades of tragic undertones and heartbreak, but it’s also… his own choice, this time around, and still more controlled than “sign papers to become Head Archivist of an eccentric Institute (sells your soul to a Fear god that you’ll now have to feed through other people’s terrors or your own)”. By pushing and questioning Jon, Daisy had been able to make him say what he chose to do (and as seen above, why), and his handling of the coffin was one of such things. Even if, indeed, the Web sent him in that direction (leaving MAG131’s tape for him, maybe manipulating him to some extent through the lighter), Jon, like Martin, is still appropriating what they did as being his own decision:

(MAG134) PETER: What does puzzle me, though, and I mean that genuinely, is… why you were piling tape recorders onto the coffin, while Jon was in there. [PAUSE] It’s a question, Martin, it’s– it’s not an accusation. MARTIN: I don’t know. And I just… felt like it might help. He’s always recording, I thought… it–it might help him… find his way out. PETER: Interesting. Were you compelled? MARTIN: [SULLEN] … I don’t know. … M–maybe? I–I, I definitely wanted to do it… PETER: But? MARTIN: I’m… I’m not sure where the idea came from.

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: I… [SIGH] I don’t feel like I’m exactly in the best place to judge the… intersection [CHUCKLE] between free will and humanity. Still trying to figure that out myself. [SILENCE] DAISY: Jon… when you went into the coffin. Was it you choosing to do that? Did you actually think you could save me, or was… that something telling you to do it? [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: It was me. I was… drawn to it, I’ll admit, but it was my decision.

Jon agreeing to Daisy’s proposition to go get drinks may also be going in his own right direction – back in season 1, Jon would have probably shrugged off the offer? But as Helen told him, “people change” and right there, Jon had a micro-choice; he could have refused and, still, after a small hesitation, decided to go along with it instead.

Of course, when it comes to reclaiming their life back in this episode, the most striking was Daisy; Daisy, who had already explained who she wanted to be (MAG132: “I d–, I don’t… I don’t know who I am without, without the chase… I just know… that I… I don’t like who I was back outside. I don’t want to be her again. I want… to be… better…”) and who, so far, has managed to stick to that; Daisy, who handles herself as best as she can even (especially!) though it requires other people because she wants to avoid being alone for PTSD reasons:

(MAG133) [CLICK–] DAISY: You sure? ARCHIVIST: No, uh, it’s, hum. It’s fine. DAISY: It’s just… Basira’s busy.

(MAG136) MELANIE: Well… uhm. Daisy’s been, erm… I’ve been keeping her company. Er, while… while Basira’s busy. She’s, er… ARCHIVIST: Oh, no, I, uh… I–I know. […] DAISY: [QUICKLY] You’re not babysitting me, alright?! I know that’s what the others think, sometimes, but… that’s not it. I just… don’t like… being on my own if I can help it. You know. Flashbacks, panic attacks, the usual. Just trying to avoid it if I can. ARCHIVIST: I know, Daisy, I–I do. It’s hard. DAISY: Yeah, well. Don’t let me get in your way.

There is currently something so strong in what we’re seeing of Daisy? In the way she’s aware of her limitations and manages to prevent the conditions leading to potential breakdowns? I feel like she’s following the same logic as when we knew her as a Hunter: when she was seeing a problem, she would just… neutralise it. Hence beating up Mike, hence immediately going for Jon’s voicebox; hence her Cold Factual Violence overall against spooks/vampires/“monsters” of various kinds. Basira had said that she liked Daisy because she was “solid”, because of her certainty, and this is still the same Daisy – though not hurting others anymore! And she pulled an incredible power move:

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: It, uh… Hm. Is, uh… Weird question, but… I… [EXHALE] I haven’t seen you in my dreams? The last couple of weeks? DAISY: … Oh, uh, no. I… I work here, now. I figured it seems to protect the others, so… ARCHIVIST: Oh. Right, so… Wait, did you talk to Lukas, or…? DAISY: [CHUCKLE] Broke into Elias’s old office. Found an employment contract; filled it in, and signed it. ARCHIVIST: And that worked. DAISY: Seems so. ARCHIVIST: And you’re not… worried about… DAISY: Basira’s trapped here. So are you. Not gonna be going anywhere anyway. ARCHIVIST: … I suppose not. So… no more dreams. DAISY: Not of you and your weird eyes. Just the coffin. ARCHIVIST: Is that better…? DAISY: ’T’s mine. ARCHIVIST: … right.

She weaponised what they have gathered, through experiences and guesses, to get free of the dreams she hated! It’s not absolutely clear whether she signed to become an Archival assistant or a regular staff member; on the one hand, Jon’s concern hints towards archival assistant, since as far as we know, the Archives seemed to be their own business, including trapping their staff (though damn, I remembered MAG102 being more explicit on the matter but: actually, no, since Martin saying that regular crew are able to quit was immediately followed by “Hannah just left to have her baby, though.”: was that “though” a “by the way” or a way to tamper what he had just said, and this is the most they can do, but still not quite quit…?); on the other hand, Daisy hasn’t specified what it was.

Anyway: it’s such a POWERFUL MOVE to… 1°) break into Elias’s office, 2°) just sign herself up like that?, 3°) ESPECIALLY given how Elias had initially coerced Basira into signing herself up to avoid turning the scene into a bloodbath, even before being told of the repercussions (that she couldn’t quit, that Elias dying meant that they would die too). What Daisy did sound like a direct answer to MAG092, and I’m loving it, loving that Daisy… just used what they had learnt of the dreams’ mechanism to protect herself and chose to bind herself to the Institute while exactly knowing what it meant, without anything blackmailing her into it. Elias hadn’t bothered to tie her down for who she was? Watch as she’ll decide that for herself.

This is also the first person of Extended Team Archive to… have given herself to The Eye fully knowing what she was doing. You better be grateful for the gesture, Big Eyeball!!! The others had to be misled or coerced into serving you, and Daisy, of all people, chose to give herself to you!!!

(- If Daisy became an Archive Assistant: I hope that she’ll get to read a statement at some point? Well, technically, best thing would be for nobody to read a statement but. Martin did it a few times (and read one in MAG134!), Tim ALMOST did it, Melanie did it twice, Basira did it once… it’s a bit of a Tradition. (And who wouldn’t want to hear Fay Roberts for almost an entire episode outside of Daisy’s own live-statements?! I’m a simple woman, okay.))

- I’m really curious about how Elias and Daisy would interact, now. Would it be biting/tense/mutual snarling, or taunting about Daisy still being a “rabid dog” at heart…? Or precisely not anymore: because Daisy acknowledged in front of Jon that Elias had not been that off about her (MAG132: “Did you ever hear the, the story Elias told me? About what I did. How I am… He, he didn’t get a detail wrong. The Hunt… Hunger was in me all my life.”)…? I also… get the feeling that maybe, the current Daisy might be perceiving her encounter with the Institute as a chance, since it ultimately led to her snapping out of the Hunt (though she would have reasons to want to break Elias’s arm for the fact that Basira got trapped because of him).

- I wonder if Martin saw Daisy’s name pop up amongst the new staff members? Or if Peter just told him right away what she had done? Is Daisy now actually getting a salary from the Institute? (I’m not sure that Elias “We really don’t have the budget for that” (MAG067) had even bothered to pay her when he was using her ~services~ so… drain Peter’s money, Daisy, gogogo!! And Use Your Powers to give everyone in Team Archive a raise, Martin :w)

- The fact that Daisy said that she had broken into “Elias’s old office”… Well, Elias’s office had been characterised by the clock in the background; since we could hear one in MAG126, I was assuming that Martin and Peter were in there (especially since Martin was doing Peter’s directorial work) but had noticed that there was no such sound in MAG134. Were they outside of the Institute? Or has Martin stopped working in Elias’s office since Daisy had forcefully gone inside of it, deeming it unsafe?

- Anyway: Jon-Melanie-Daisy seem to be creating an awkward support network, right now, and it’s ADORABLE and good (+ extra cookies to Melanie for seeking therapy!). They still have trouble talking: there were sooo many pauses and silences when Melanie was in front of Jon; Daisy is still not… super at ease speaking about how she feels (while she’s way chiller when it comes to describing how she broke into Elias’s office. Daisy, ilu.); Jon searched for his words a bit to describe how he was perceiving himself at the moment… But they’re trying and still getting those words out and explaining themselves to each other a bit. And it’s PRECIOUS, godsdamnit.

- ALRIGHT, NOW TO DIVE RIGHT INTO THE SILK-STICHED MEAT OF THIS EPISODE:

(MAG111) GERRY: Nice lighter. You a spider freak, then? ARCHIVIST: What? Oh! Er, no. I-I never really, uh… I never really thought of it. I–I’m Jon. I’m with the Magnus Institute.

(MAG136) DAISY: [SCOFF] She’s… Web. Spider’s sneaky like that. [PAUSE] Like that lighter you’re always using. Where’d you get that? ARCHIVIST: Mm. [STATIC] Good point. We should keep our eyes open. Anyway, how’s Basira doing?

………………. It was impossible to tell whether or not there was static back in MAG111 (at least for me: there was a constant static-y background due to Gerry being there), but here, yep, there was some. So something is DEFINITELY preventing Jon from lingering too much on the lighter (like an oily surface his attention keeps slipping on?) and what it means. … And apparently, he still has it with him – I had wondered if he hadn’t lent it to Martin for MAG118’s plan, burning statements? I mean, maybe he did and the lighter found its way back to Jon anyway, or it was still with Jon during the Wax Museum explosion, but Jon still has it with him at the moment.

How many silken strings have tied around Jon’s body and head without him noticing, I wonder… the episode was about a “Puppeteer”, after all (or… maybe a bit more about the puppets.)

……………….. Sounds like Jon is back to smoking again, too, given Daisy’s comment? And Jon’s smoking habits have been Smelling Like Web Spirit: he had apparently stopped around the time he began to work at the Institute (since he told Leitner he had “been quit for five years now” in MAG080, in February 2017); Elias had ranted about Jon smoking in MAG039 (“He’s not smoking again, is he?”: was it because he knew of Jon’s smoker history? Or because Jon had gone back to… smoking a lot since he discovered that the lighter had been delivered to him in MAG036?); Tim implied that he might have noticed that Jon had been smoking again recently at the end of season 2 (MAG079: “he’s going to do something, and it’s going to be bad. And I don’t mean like ‘sneaking a cigarette’ bad. Like properly bad.”); Jon ~conveniently~ felt the urge to smoke a cigarette and left Leitner alone to face his death (Elias.) in MAG080 (Jon minimised it at the time, but… it means that he had cigarettes on him.); and after that, we only got the mention from Daisy digging through his stuff in MAG091, and him offering Gerry a cigarette in MAG111.

One thing that makes me Hysterical every time:

(MAG091) DAISY: One wallet, brown leather, no cash. One packet cigarettes, Silk Cut. One lighter, gold, spiderweb design.

OF ALL THINGS, JON SMOKES “SILK CUT”

“SILK

CUT”

COME ON, SPIDER, COULD YOU TRY TO BE A BIT SUBTLE WITH THAT BOY?!

- Actual footage of Jon forgetting about his lighter (ft. Daisy):

- I find it very interesting that Daisy was able to notice the lighter and Jon’s lack of oversight about it since… when Daisy was introduced through Basira’s words, Basira explained that Daisy had first been sectioned over a Spider-related case:

(MAG043) BASIRA: […] Daisy was sectioned years before I was even on the force. She’s never been that forthcoming about any of her own experiences. Takes Section 31 very seriously. The most I could get out of her was that she was originally sectioned for something she referred to as “spider husks”. The way she described it, it sounded like she’d found a bunch of shells. The sort crabs leave behind when they grow, but… I could never figure out if it was meant to be the husks of people-sized spiders, or the spider-like husks of people? And Daisy never seemed like she wanted to clarify. I’m sure she mentioned vampires once as well, but… I think she was joking. … Probably. … Maybe…

We have learned, since then, that it wasn’t exactly true: Daisy’s first section’d case had to do with the coffin, but Daisy also told Jon that only her superior had known about it prior to Jon's pulling the story out of her (MAG061). So Basira couldn’t have known that Daisy had lied or dodged to tell the truth, but still… one of Daisy’s first cases had to do with Spiders.

(And Daisy has been ~taking care~ of the vampires, too, which are known for their mind-controlling powers. When Trevor had met a Spider-Woman, he had mentioned that his experience with vampires had probably helped him to identify that the compulsion to get out and get high wasn’t his own… So it seems like Hunters might have a little immunity or at least resistance to manipulation. I’m EVEN MORE RELIEVED that Jon got Daisy back.)

(… And afraid, oh so afraid for Daisy’s life-expectancy, since she’s already so important when it comes to potentially dealing with threats, and being a presence which allows the Archive team to re-form a bit.)

- MAG110 and MAG136 are quite good to listen to one after another, besides Neil Lagorio’s existence – they dealt with the same movie-making world, of Web apparently, and there were some tiny things which were quite interesting? Both statements were given by women isolated from their peers and put into a situation they probably wouldn’t have picked if they’d been allowed to retain more options and Choices:

(MAG110, Alexia Crawley) “I’d held some ambitions about directing myself one day, but it soon became obvious that that wasn’t going to happen. Maybe if I’d got a feature under my belt before I was outed as trans, it might have been different, but… as it was, this revelation burned too many bridges, and when the dust had settled, it was made abundantly clear to me that I was never going to get a movie of my own. And it was either cinematography, or nothing. So I stayed.”

(MAG136, Alison Killala) “He even kept in contact when I left to have my baby. It wasn’t planned […]. Anyway, even once I’d sorted out childcare arrangements, I found myself… more and more unwelcome in the industry. It wasn’t that people weren’t willing to hire me – by this point I had a hell of a special effects resumé – but the hours you were expected to be working, the way shoots were set up, the culture of drinking, networking… none of it was really possible alongside parenting.”

There was, also, the obvious theme of… the fictions reshaping reality, or becoming a reality: Dexter was obsessed with a Spider that seemed to only exist in his dream of a story, and he recreated it on the set in the end. Neil managed to finally recreate his last story with himself:

(MAG136, Alison Killala) “he would twist his fingers into all sort of bizarre, intricate shapes, until I could see the strings flowing over them… ‘We made them dance,’ he would say, wonder and nostalgia in his voice. ‘Oh… how we made them dance.’ […] He told me later his… greatest regret was not being able to finish his final film. An arthouse piece simply titled Dancer. He never explained what it was about, nor do I think it actually… came out in the end. […] And as I walked away from Neil, the last time I saw him alive… he was dancing. The cables shifting, and moving him in a graceful, sweeping ballet. And he was crying with joy.”

On the theme of “smoking” as related to the Web, it’s ~curious~ to note that it was also present in MAG110 and MAG136’s statements, and not in moderation either:

(MAG110, Alexia Crawley) “[Brandon Alma] took to the role immediately, with a gravity and a weariness that I don’t think could have been entirely feigned. He was the only one who didn’t seem excited by the movie, and spent his off-hours smoking and reading quietly in one of the trailers.” (MAG136, Alison Killala) “I had to fight every instinct inside me, everything that wanted to burst out in admiration for his work and his… profound effect on my life. But instead I chain-smoked and laughed, trying my best to come across as my hero’s peer…!”

So, hum. Smoking hadn’t been exclusively a Web-thing before (there was of course the Anglerfish’s baiting, and its shells smoking to disguise the odour of death), but I still find that noticeable.

- There is an OBVIOUS problem with the timeline of Neil’s death, from MAG110 and MAG136’s given mentions:

(MAG110) MARTIN: Martin Blackwood, archival assistant at the Magnus Institute, recording statement number 0121403. Statement of Alexia Crawley, given March 14th, 2012. (MAG110, Alexia Crawley) It seems like a sick cosmic joke that that was the day the press broke the news of Neil Lagorio’s death. Half an hour after the cast walked into that building, one of the grips stumbled across the news story whilst idly checking his phone. Lagorio had been privately suffering from Parkinson’s for almost a decade, and had been bedridden in his Connecticut home for the last year.

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: Statement of Alison Killala, regarding her time as friend and carer to special effects artist Neil Lagorio. Original statement given 1st December, 2012. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, the Archivist. (MAG136, Alison Killala) “It was almost six months ago when the woman came to our door. […] I don’t know how long I was watching those films. They don’t… It was hard to keep track of time. According to my daughter, I was missing for five months. When Annabelle let me out, Neil was dead. […] She told me to come here. She told me to give them to you. I resisted for some time, but I’m done now. She’s won. And I’d… very much like to go home.”

If Annabelle visited Neil’s house six months before Alison gave her statement, it should have been in June; while Alexia’s statement put Neil’s death before March (presumably February, since Martin added as part of the follow-up that “Apparently, over the last five years, every February, a corpse is found washed up on Redondo Beach.”). It’s not clear either if Alison lived in the UK but she did mention the “UK press” at some point; while according to the official version given by Alexia, Neil had lived and died in the US.

So what happened…? Has someone in the Archives been purposely messing up with the dates regarding The Web…? Were there two “Neil Lagorio”s towards the end…? Did The Web messed up the files a bit through someone? (Noticeable, too: Jon who ~listens to all the tapes~ didn’t mention the echoes with MAG110’s statement, which was read by Martin. Did he listen to this one, or had the tape… disappeared when he went back?)

(I know that the popular theory regarding MAG114’s statement and what was happening in Hill Top Road is “parallel worlds”, but it always sounded textbook Spiral to me – we also have been demonstrations of entities rewriting reality to erase people or twist people’s memories, see the Not!Them and what happened to the statement-giver’s husband in MAG038. But I’m a bit short on explanations regarding the obvious problem of timeline in MAG110 and MAG136……………..)

- Relistening to MAG110, I just realized that someone had completely flown under my radar: Brandon (Brendon?) Alma, the main actor, who… was the one controlling the story and the set, actually?!

(MAG110, Alexia Crawley) “Most impressive to me though, was a guy named [Brandon Alma]. He was playing the closest thing the film had to a protagonist, a… homeless ex-Methodist minister who’d found himself on the island by chance and served as a connecting thread, wandering between the scenes and the vignettes of the inhabitants, after each ended with their march to the Spider. Brandon took to the role immediately, with a gravity and a weariness that I don’t think could have been entirely feigned. He was the only one who didn’t seem excited by the movie, and spent his off-hours smoking and reading quietly in one of the trailers. It was a shame because, for whatever reason, he also seemed to be the only one that Dexter would listen to. I only saw them talking once or twice but every time, Dexter would be wrapped, nodding at… whatever Brandon might have to say. […] [Dexter] then gathered up the cast and, with Brandon leading them, took them through a small door in the side of the workshop. And they disappeared inside.”

He was playing a character who was the “CONNECTING THREAD” between people getting eaten by the spider, Dexter “would be WRAPPED” and agreeing to everything Brandon told him, and Brandon was the one to lead the actors into the workshop where they were all killed/consumed/drunk hollow, UHUHUHUH. Maybe the book that Dexter had found wasn’t actually the (only?) thing that messed up everything? Or did Brandon come from the book? Was he actually the spider himself, or just there to ensure that the spider would emerge and be fed…?

(MAG110, Alexia Crawley) “I don’t know when he first mentioned his spider film. It didn’t… bubble out into a full obsession until two years ago, but I know he talked about it plenty before that. […] [蜘蛛が食べている] (Kumo ga tabeteiru). I think that was the name, anyway, something like that; he was normally slurring quite badly when he said it. He thought it translated to “The Spiders That Devour” but a Japanese friend once told me it was actually closer to just “Spiders Are Eating”. According to Dexter, Kumo was an old tokusatsu movie which, he believed, had come out sometime in the mid-to-late sixties. It was about a Spider – just the one, despite the title – that grew to a colossal size and terrorized a small unnamed island off the coast of Kagoshima. What struck him about it, though, was the utter absence of anything resembling a hero or a protagonist. No one fought against the monster, and although there were vignettes in the lives of those under the Spider’s shadow, they all ended the exact same way – with the character in question marching slowly, and calmly, into its waiting jaws.”

(And it would sound EXTREMELY Web to have all the attention focused on Dexter… while the true puppeteer would be somewhere else, hidden.)

- Something striking in many Web mentions is that: it likes Order (… and apparently drinking people hollow – requiring the fluids to sustain itself? To be able to moult and grow in size?)

(MAG127, Breekon) “We had some luggage once. A thrumming, silk-wrapped thing of The Spider, hiding away in an old steamer trunk. We stepped heavy through the dining car and found an old woman near the caboose. 'Something strange in the luggage car,' he said, and I finished as was our way. 'You should come and see it.' She stood and walked with us readily enough, though tears flowed silent down her cheeks and pattered onto the faded carpet. The Spider’s always an easy job – no fuss, no complication, everything planned and prepared. It knows too much to truly be a Stranger, but hides its knowing well enough to endure. We knew she wouldn’t scream as she was hollowed out and drunk.”

(MAG110) MARTIN: Apparently, over the last five years, every February, a corpse is found washed up on Redondo Beach. It will be a shrivelled husk, with all moisture and internal organs apparently removed.

(+ Daisy’s early Section 31 case with the “husks” of people/spiders/etc.)

On the matter of order: the victims in Kumo (MAG110) also weren’t making a fuss when they marched off to get eaten, it was the same behaviour as what Breekon described. Regarding Alison’s story, it seems like although she was officially the puppeteer of Neil’s body… SHE was the one who had been puppeteered around:

(MAG136, Alison Killala) “I became his carer a few months later. It just seemed to make sense. A frugal life, lucrative career and… prickly personality had left him with lots of money but no real support; while my life had left me in a position where I cared… deeply about his well-being and was in… desperate need of money. Everything just… lined up so neatly. […] he threw himself into a new project, one I would never have expected, but that suited my engineering background perfectly. […] I protested, of course! This man was my hero, I–I loved him, and there was no way I could subject him to this… awful indignity. But my objections were ignored, as always, and Neil insisted that this was what he wanted. So I built that… strange contraption. Using the skills I had developed across my whole life, to fill every corner of Neil Lagorio’s house with wood, and steel, and cable. […] I barely even noticed when the harnesses were no longer necessary; when the loops for those hooks were now embedded directly into his body. I must have asked him about it. But at the time, it just seemed like… such a natural progression.

Neil had exactly the Right Person available for what he needed when his body started to shut down; Alison wanted to refuse and ended up accepting. Even before Annabelle came in, it… doesn’t really sound like Alison had been the one in control in that whole situation.

And on the matter of people being at the right place at the right time for The Web’s purposes: SQUINTS at the fact that 2012 was when Jon started working at the Institute. We witnessed Melanie, Basira and Daisy’s first steps there, we know that Tim went to get a job there because he was looking into his brother’s death, Sasha might or might not have been interested in the supernatural for years (it could have been the Not!Them rewriting that bit; we at least know that Sasha wasn’t particularly well-off so… maybe she just plainly needed the money); we know that Martin just happened to be hired after submitting his CV everywhere he could (the question of why ELIAS, who PERSONALLY INTERVIEWED HIM, hired him is… another Big Question), but… why did Jon start working at the Institute? He didn’t particularly expect to Georgie to identify what the Institute was, so it wasn’t a life-long dream of his that he would have mentioned many times as a student…

(Re: the Web and Order, SQUINTSSQUINTSSQUINTS again towards the one particular person who has mostly been associated with that: “loves scheduling”, has specific days on which he eats lunch with the Institute’s librarians, insisted on Tim doing the paperwork for his absences, That One Thing About Keeping Receipts If You Want To Claim Your Expenses (Unless You Die)… that guy.)

- I still wonder how the Web works on people exactly, though… especially given all the talks about making choices and decisions, it would seem a bit odd to end up concluding that “anyway, the Web will make you want and do whatever IT pleases, you can’t do anything about it”…? (Though yeah, THAT is frightening.)

Given that Alison compared herself to Frankenstein, I wonder, in her case, if despite her ~adamant refusal~ to puppet her friend and idol…

(MAG136, Alison Killala) “Even pyrotechnics, while… impressive and visually spectacular, they just didn’t give me the same sharp joy as making something that could move, that came alive, directed and controlled by my hand… I always felt Frankenstein should have been an engineer, not a medical student, as reading that book I couldn’t help but see myself in that obsession. But I suppose everyone’s already done the-monster-as-the-robot, haven’t they?”

… some parts of her didn’t actually want it? And this is how The Web might operate overall? Humans are complex, we’re always mixing up emotions and different desires at the same time; maybe The Web mostly just brings to the surfaces the ones it needs to push people in the direction it wants…? (In that case, re: Trevor and the Spider Woman… it wouldn’t be surprising, as an ex-heroin addict, that some part of him would still feel the tinge of the craving…)

- What was Neil, in the end? Was he a Web avatar who found a way to feed his god mostly through fictions? Was his ex-partner “Gabe” Gabriel, the Spiral’s Worker-In-Clay…? Was he a plain person, able to use some powers here and there? The thing is:

(MAG136, Alison Killala) “his satisfaction with his latest and… as it turned out, last… foray into horror, with The Harvestman. He’d always had a fondness for spiders, he told me. And I of course reminded him that harvestmen… weren’t technically spiders.”

She is right! Though this could be a case of misleading us to focus on the symbols rather than their effects; Neil’s work was… indeed clearly linked to the idea of hidden control:

(MAG110, Alexia Crawley) “he claimed to be working with Neil Lagorio to make the Spider. Now you might never have heard his name before, but I guarantee you you’ll have seen his work. From the mid-seventies right into CGI, Lagorio was THE name in Practical Creature Effects: suit work, stop-motion, animatronics, whatever the method, he was the master. […] I’d had the pleasure of working with him way back in 1989 on Orbit – a medium-budget sci-fi vehicle for some… aging action star. Neil was working on a twelve-foot tall animatronic robot that featured heavily in the climax. The picture was, unsurprisingly, a flop; but I still remember his work. How he brought a… lump of wood and steel to life. Th–the huge, intricate mechanisms that allowed his crew to puppet it into motion that was so natural you could forget that the back of it was completely hollow…!”

On the one hand, he sounded pretty harmless. On the other hand, there were these “original cuts” (and the cruel broken SMILE you could hear on Jon’s face when he mentioned them while reading the statement was… gosh.). Was Dexter Banks invited to one of those screenings, and is that why he was haunted by the memories of a movie he couldn’t find again…?

-… So, what does it mean for ANNABELLE to send these original cuts to the Institute?

(MAG136, Alison Killala) “There were two sorts of people in the world as far as Neil saw it: those who were worth his time, and those who were not. And if you were in the latter group, he honestly couldn’t care if you lived or died. Not that most people could tell which side of the line they fell on; there were even days that… I wasn’t sure myself! Sometimes, I remember, he would invite people over to his studio that I was sure he hated, for screenings of his “original cuts”. I was quite… jealous of this at the time, as I’d never got such an invitation. But it was probably for the best. I didn’t… realise it back then, but… [SIGH] those guests… they never quite looked the same afterwards. […] She told me to take the films. His… “original cuts”. She told me to come here. She told me to give them to you.”

[…] ARCHIVIST: [INHALES] Statement ends. Hm. Neil Lagorio… You ever see any of his work? DAISY: No. Not really into films. ARCHIVIST: Oh, they were… Well, let’s just say that it’s not a complete shock there was something unnatural to them. Didn’t know we had copies in the Institute, though; let alone original cuts. [CHUCKLE] Records indicate they [PAPERS RUSTLING] ended up in… Artefact Storage. DAISY: Probably best that they stay there. ARCHIVIST: … Yeah. Yes, of course.

(…………. You could HEAR that Jon was dangerously close to going to check them out if Daisy hadn’t reminded him that Jon, No.)

At the time, Gertrude was still running the Archives… but, again, it’s also around that time when Jon integrated the Institute as a researcher. (He said he had been working there for “four years” in MAG001, which was set sometime in the second half of 2015 – though I wouldn’t past it s1!Jon to round up, like, 3 years and 20 days to “four years” to sound… more impressive. However, we know for sure that Jon was working at the Institute in 2012 (MAG051: “One of my first cases as a researcher for the Institute in 2012”).) So why did Annabelle send the “original cuts” to the Institute, and who were they for…? Was it to send a message to Gertrude? Was it because the Web was veeeeeeeeeeeerrrry aware that the boy who had ~gotten away~ (el-o-el) was now working there (and was apparently a bit versed in Neil Lagorio’s work)? Was it a way to sneak into the Institute? Was it for Elias? Was it to avoid the “original cuts” affecting innocent bystanders? Was it a proclamation from Annabelle – demonstrating that the older generation was fading out and now she was taking over?

That last point is something that I really felt with Annabelle’s visit and Neil finally dying (… or moulting like a spider). It’s interesting that in both MAG110 and MAG136, there was something about the character the story was about… not having a keen relationship with modern technology:

(MAG110, Alexia Crawley) “And so it was for the first few weeks. Dexter… clearly wasn’t sleeping. He had insisted on using old equipment and avoiding digital almost entirely, to the point where several of the crew were using pieces of kit they’d never even seen before. This meant that workprint had to be made manually for the dailies, something he refused to let anyone else do.”

(MAG136, Alison Killala) “We stayed in touch over the next few years, even worked together on the Wire-Runner, his one, underwhelming foray into CGI.”

We saw in MAG123 that Annabelle had started working using Internet, though using someone else to achieve it. I don’t have many theories or speculation about that one – I only find it curious that, given how MAG065 had introduced the idea that tape recorders… are digital, too, we’re still not sure about what it is that prevents Spooks from recording on Jon’s computer. Gertrude had commented that the tape recorders were a bit ~old-fashioned like her~ to defend her use of them to Lucia (MAG130), so… I don’t know! But potentially, I wonder if there might be something about the younger generation of avatars being more fit to use modern technologies, because some elements are their own idiosyncrasies while older techs were their predecessors’.

- Hi, do you sometimes get just PUNCHED IN THE GUTS by Jon.

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: My– [PAUSE] [INHALE] [SIGH] My memories of the coma are not clear. But I know I made a choice; I made a choice to become… something else. Because I was afraid to die. But ever since then, I… I don’t know if I made the right decision; I–I’m stronger now, tougher, I can… … If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever… I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. And I don’t want to lose anyone else so, if I can maybe stop that happening, and [DRY CHUCKLE] the only danger is to me, I– I’ll do it in a heartbeat; worst case scenario… the universe loses another monster. DAISY: That’s messed up. ARCHIVIST: [LOW SELF-DEPRECATIVE DRY LAUGHTER] … Yeah. I suppose it is. DAISY: Did you know the coffin wouldn’t kill you? ARCHIVIST: I– guess I thought imprisonment wouldn’t… wouldn’t be as bad as it was. DAISY: [SHAKY SIGH] ARCHIVIST: And it’s a lot easier to make that choice than it is to actually… endure the result. You might have noticed when I was in there with you, I… I had regrets. DAISY: Yeah. I remember. ARCHIVIST: Plus, I thought… [PAUSE] W– [SIGH] Well, I didn’t know what being down there had done to you. DAISY: You thought I was gonna kill you? ARCHIVIST: I was a possibility. DAISY: Guess so. […] ARCHIVIST: I am alone, Martin is– DAISY: Busy. doing. paperwork. Not like he’s dead. Beside, he’s not the only other person here, you know. There’s me; Melanie; Basira– ARCHIVIST: Traumatised; traumatised; and paranoid, because of me.

;; I’m worried about these missing memories and what it means / what happened… Jon had told Basira that he could remember most of The Unknowing:

(MAG122) ARCHIVIST: My turn. What… what happened to me? BASIRA: How much do you remember? ARCHIVIST: I don’t… Music. Everything was wrong. Gertrude was there, and then… dancing. I think? Then… pain. And I was somewhere else. Dreaming. BASIRA: Dreaming. ARCHIVIST: Yes. …

(MAG123) ARCHIVIST: Two years ago. … That doesn’t seem right. It doesn’t feel like… … There’s just this… great… gap of time, where I wasn’t.

Back in MAG122, I had feared that he would have gotten something cauterised in the process, probably guilt, hence Tim’s death being erased… But no, it’s FAR from being the case: Jon has been a guilt-ridden ball of softness and caring and heartbreak since the beginning of season 4. So why are these memories still absent…? What happened in his dreams, for him to not remember exactly how he got to choose…?

(EXTRA-WORRIED since Elias had told Basira that Jon was “at a very delicate stage right now” in MAG127; and as much as I think that Elias probably doesn’t want to risk Jon managing to successfully compel him or extract a statement out of him right now… I’m Really Worried about the fact that he described Jon as being in transition. Choosing should have been the end result, right? So… so what is the next step……………)

Sobbing a lot about the fact that Jon isn’t sure that coming back was worth it, and that he’s been very casually self-destructive about the coffin. He kind of finished his sentence from MAG132 here:

(MAG132) ARCHIVIST: I’m… I’m scared. [SHORT CHUCKLE] When does the fear go away…? A–anyway, I–I’m sorry. You too, Basira, if you’re hearing this. I know you’d… stop me. You’d be right to, but… But if this goes wrong, all you lose is– … I’m not risking anyone else.

“If this goes wrong, all you lose is” / “worst case scenario… the universe loses another monster”. A o u c h. He’s been the most outrightly emotional we’ve ever seen him in season 3 and 4, he was so afraid of becoming inhuman starting MAG092, he finally chose (and is aware of it) the avatar option because he was afraid to die (that’s one of the most human things he could possibly admit…?), and, since he’s woken up, he has dealt with rejections one after another: Georgie was thrown-off by him badly enough to leave (clearly dissatisfied with… the fact that Jon kept saying he was “fine”, when a normal human being shouldn’t have been), Basira was extremely cautious and still refuses to trust him, slaughter-infused Melanie BLAMED HIM FOR TIM&DAISY’S DEATHS, Martin avoided him time and time again:

(MAG122) ARCHIVIST: Honestly, I… I, I think I’m alright? I mean, that’s… good, right? I… GEORGIE: After a six months coma? No. It’s not. This isn’t how it’s supposed to go, Jon. ARCHIVIST: I… What? Y–you, you’d prefer I was… brain-damaged? Dead? Or– […] Georgie, I– GEORGIE: Jon. If this really is a second chance… please, try to take it. But I don’t think that it is. ARCHIVIST: Georgie, I don’t und– GEORGIE: Take care of yourself. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] [DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES] [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: … What about you? Disappointed to see me alive? … Basira? BASIRA: We can deal with that later.

(MAG123) MELANIE: Tim is dead. Daisy is dead. And you, what? You’re just fine? ARCHIVIST: No, I’ve been in hospital for six months! MELANIE: Something has been in hospital. Something that’s got your face like– I warned Basira, I said not to let you back in here, but she just doesn’t listen! [STOMPING? AND FURIOUS STRANGLED NOISES] ARCHIVIST: Melanie, Melanie: it’s… it’s me. MELANIE: Oh! Okay, so what, “Hi Jon, how are you, get anyone killed lately?” ARCHIVIST: … I… MELANIE: Wipe that look off your face. Like you’re not the reason all of this is happening. Like you’re any better than– ARCHIVIST: [MESSY STUTTERING] MELANIE: –than him! ARCHIVIST: Basira said Elias was gone!

(MAG124) MARTIN: … Look, Jon, I, I’ve really got to go, so… ARCHIVIST: Oh, er, okay… MARTIN: I’m, I’m sorry that you– ARCHIVIST: Wowowow, it was… good t–, it was good to see you. MARTIN: … Yeah. [STEPS LEAVING] ARCHIVIST: … yeah… [CLICK.]

(MAG129) MARTIN: Please, stop finding me. ARCHIVIST: … What happened, Martin? [SILENCE] MARTIN: You died. ARCHIVIST: I came back. MARTIN: Yeah. [OPENS DOOR] I’m not gonna let it happen again. ARCHIVIST: … wait… Wait! W– [DOOR CLOSES] [SIGH] [CLICK.]

(YES, GRATUITOUS QUOTE-COMPILATION, BECAUSE THAT’S A LOT.)

It’s been a rough two months since he woke up, alright. I’m so glad that he managed to get Daisy back: not only it was a victory that actually felt like one (the removal of Melanie’s bullet meant that things got… strained), but Daisy has been asking the right questions and they’re so… like-minded? kindred spirits? lately, two Survivors able to understand each other, that it feels good and… a bit more hopeful.

(- I still want Jon to get the chance to have a discussion with Georgie, to explain himself and what happened, to explain that even though he decided something she’s disapproving of… he still wants to do some good, as much as he can? é_è To thank her for having watched over him and having given him so much valuable advice? For Georgie to accept that Jon did the best he could do in the situation he was in? Basira used to listen to Georgie’s podcast while in the car with Daisy so maybe Daisy heard some bits of it. Let Georgie and Daisy meeeeeet too!!)

- So much for Jon getting a stronger hold on his power, he still accidentally slipped and compelled:

Still too curious and not the best at self-restrain, though… he had been doing way better lately. I think the last time he had accidentally compelled was in MAG114, with Tim? On the other hand: it looks like his Insights are a bit more controlled since, unless he reveals that he has Known for a while, he… doesn’t seem to know about Basira’s activities. So maybe sternly forbidding him from peeking worked with that one, given that he had motivation to not screw things up (even more) between them…? He was a bit more relaxed with Melanie this time around! (Well. And Melanie was way more relaxed around him too, which… says something considering their previous exchanges.)

- What is wrong with Jon’s body. This makes the second mention of casual weirdness, after Jared commenting about Jon’s rib:

(MAG131) JARED: Huh. That’s a weird one. Not sure I like it. Still. Mine now.

(MAG136) DAISY: Not of you and your weird eyes.

Too many eyes, or something else…?

- I’m so emotional over the fact that Daisy is… currently giving back to Jon? Telling him that his way of thinking or his overall situation is “messed up”; reminding him that he’s not responsible for everything that’s happened to Melanie, Basira and herself; pushing him to snap out of it and have a nice time…? The fact that she included herself in the (short) list of people around Jon, and that:

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: And you’re not… worried about… DAISY: Basira’s trapped here. So are you.

She listed him alongside Basira when justifying why her decision to tie herself to the Institute was worth it – they’re in this together and it’s not only just “with Basira” in her mind. It includes Jon.

- … and not Melanie there, BUT!! PROGRESS:

(MAG112) DAISY: Yeah. Couldn’t find Tim, but he’s gone with Martin and… the other one. BASIRA: Melanie. DAISY: Sure.

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: I am alone, Martin is– DAISY: Busy. doing. paperwork. Not like he’s dead. Beside, he’s not the only other person here, you know. There’s me; Melanie; Basira–

She marked a verrrry slight pause before saying Melanie’s name but still: Melanie is now her own person in Daisy’s mind!

- And I’m SO EMOTIONAL OVER MELANIE OVERALL but also so proud that… apparently, she took it upon herself to take care of Daisy, and went as far as to go ask Jon to replace her when she couldn’t do it?

(MAG136) MELANIE: Well… uhm. Daisy’s been, erm… I’ve been keeping her company. Er, while… while Basira’s busy. She’s, er… ARCHIVIST: Oh, no, I, uh… I–I know. MELANIE: W–well, I’ve kind of got to… uhm. I’ve got somewhere to be. Do you mind if, if… she hangs around, with… […] [IN THE DISTANCE] Hum, yeah, he’s, he’s fine with it. So… […] DAISY: I didn’t ask her. To do that. ARCHIVIST: I–it–it’s fine.

I’m glad that Melanie makes sure that Daisy doesn’t end up alone, and that… she went to Jon for this ;__; Melanie knew better than everyone how it felt to be not emotionally supported by someone, namely Basira (MAG131: “Basira is… um. Basira deals in ‘intel’ these days, in usable data, assets. Not feelings. Not people.”), so I find this super-sweet that she… is apparently making extra efforts to not replicate the situation with Daisy? Some feeling of community/teamwork has been recreated lately, all around Daisy, and aaaaah… I’m so glad ;; Really sad that Martin isn’t there and that Basira is still closing herself off, but so glad about the faint Melanie-Daisy-Jon dynamic… (And so worried. Because now, I wonder how Jonny is planning to rip it away from us.)

(Though: Melanie didn’t try to set-up for Helen and Daisy to stay together. Is Helen mostly absent/can’t get out of her door much…? Or was it because Melanie didn’t absolutely trust Daisy’s Hunter instincts to not kick back in, if she was too close to a Spook-she-doesn’t-know-yet for long…?)

(I wonder if it’s Helen who suggested therapy to Melanie, or if they talked about it? In any case, having Helen around seemed to have helped Melanie a bit, overall ;__;)

- Though logistically: it’s hilarious that Melanie&Basira probably still live in the Archives, that Daisy is probably doing the same (unclear whether or not Jon Still Has A Home outside)… and that Daisy didn’t even mention that hi, she had signed some paperwork and was now an Official Member of the Institute. It took Jon two weeks to learn about it, and only because he asked about his dreams. (Daisy must have done that quite fast after getting out of the coffin? For someone who “missed dreaming”, she reacted immediately x”))

………………… I’m not sure that Basira will take that the news that Daisy is now tied to the Institute kindly, though, given the current state of things.

- Elephant in the room, Melanie’s ~therapist~ is ringing SO MANY warning bells:

(MAG136) THERAPIST: Right, have a seat. Do you mind if I record our sessions? MELANIE: I do mind. Yes. THERAPIST: Ah? I mean, it’s just for my own notes. MELANIE: I categorically and completely do *not* give consent for you to make any recording of me, ever. Turn it off. Please. [SILENCE] THERAPIST: I… I see. Yes. Of–of course. [CLICK.]

…………………. See, even besides the use of a tape recorder (who would use that in 2018 for very professional, serious and health-related purposes, if they’re not spooky?!), it’s how the therapist handled the act of recording in itself which makes me shiver. During a first session, a first encounter, when you’re supposed to not make the patient uncomfortable, turning it on before asking Melanie if she would be fine with it. Trying to argue with Melanie’s refusal when Melanie explicitly said she would be bothered by it. That small silence before complying – while Melanie was just stating her rights… (Though on that last one, Melanie’s background as a podcaster is showing; she was very efficiently able to state her will without leaving room for any loophole!)

There are many options for What The Deal Is With That Therapist:

1°) A totally normal person who just happens to use tape recorders in 2018 and was startled by Melanie’s professional-sounding declaration.

2°) Someone tied to the Lonely…? It would be a terrifying job for a Lukas, totally twisting the purpose of a therapy by… cutting you off from others? ;; (Peter had mentioned the possibility of therapy to Martin back in MAG120: “Oh! And if you want to talk to a counsellor, the Institute will of course cover any cost.”)

3°) Someone tied to Beholding: Gertrude had the contact information for one (MAG130: “If that’s your primary goal, my dear, I would suggest you speak to a qualified counsellor. We can suggest one, if you like […]. Hang on, let me see if I can find you the number for that counselling service. They’re actually quite good.”), and that last “I see” was quite striking, Avatars tend to make small references to their patrons all the time – though this one could have also been a nod to Melanie’s…

4°) … since the therapist seemed so taken aback by Melanie offering a resistance: … W e b…? Annabelle was even created during, specifically, a psychological experiment (though we don’t know if she was a psychology postgrad herself, or just a random test subject with a different background; the voice sounded maybe a bit too old for someone who still looked like a “student” in 2012, but then Elias is supposed to be middle-aged so, eh). It wouldn’t be the most subtle thing ever but then: given that Jon didn’t give any reason, why did he pick this specific statement this time around? Outside of the statement, who is a “puppeteer” in this episode? Which would raise, once again, the question of What Is Behind tape recorders; and, if Web, what allowed Melanie to not obey: was it because she used to be Slaughter-infused…? (I had wondered, especially after MAG125, about the relationship between the Slaughter and the Spider: the way Elias had specifically mentioned that Melanie had a “visceral hatred of being trapped” in MAG102, was run by “the self-determination you prize so highly” in MAG106, and the fact that Melanie had described him as “pulling all the strings” in return, had left me with the lingering of impression that… potentially, there was more something about Web than Beholding at work here, and that obviously, The Slaughter, being uncontrollable violence and chaos, wouldn’t be the best of pals with the Eight-Legged-Mrs.-Order Fear entity…)

The way Melanie described therapists at the beginning of the episode (“We’ll see. There’s a… a lot of crap therapists out there.” and it’s true, and she’s still trying!!! Good!!) already introduced cautiousness about the whole process; if this one turns out to be Bad, it wouldn’t be representative of every one of them. Still, kinda hoping (for Melanie) that unless this one manages to prove that her first few seconds were absolutely not representative of what she can offer, Melanie will try to find another one elsewhere ;; I’m impressed that she didn’t just go “Nop ahaha bye” when the tape recorder began to get used… without her consent. It wasn’t good when Jon was doing it, but from a therapist, there is something very, verrrry chilling, and this new character absolutely managed to sound as untrustworthy as Peter in just a few seconds ;;

- On the list of worrying things: URKKKKK that… Basira apparently still hasn’t told the others about her visits to Elias. She’s likely doing her own researches, as Elias had suggested, to check if there were some truths amongst what he told her about The Dark’s activities… but URRRKKK that she hasn’t said a word about it yet. Not good, Basira ;; Elias is spilling his poison and she’s drinking it raw – it will most likely mess her up… and mess up the others, too, if they’re not aware that Elias still has, in all likehood, Plans.

… On the other hand, I got the impression that her relationship with Daisy had improved a bit? Daisy sounded less… heartbroken, this time, giving me the impression that, yes, things aren’t perfect, but not excruciating either?

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: I haven’t seen her much since… Well, she seemed a bit… tense, the last few times we spoke. How are you guys– DAISY: [CLEARS THROAT] ARCHIVIST: –doing? DAISY: N–no, Basira, she’s… She’s been good. We’re… together so it’s good. [SIGH] Wish she wouldn’t keep treating me like a china doll. But it’s alright. ARCHIVIST: That’s understandable, I suppose. DAISY: [BREATHING HARDER, FASTER] Yeah, well… What do you think?

See, I can’t really decide whether Daisy’s awkwardness was because it was a touchy subject and she was aware that no, things aren’t fine… Or if it was a matter of “oh lord, no, I can’t tell Awkward Nerd Guy that YES, things have been super-steamy in the tunnels lately, he would probably faint if he knew we were doing it in his Institute.”

(… reminder that in this episode, Jon had to read “He even kept in contact when I left to have my baby. It wasn’t planned, but while I may not have had much time for make-up and monster suits, the bodies inside of them were, er, a different matter.” with his own tongue.) (That’s not topping Timothy Hodge’s statement and Jon’s annotations from its patreon Deluxe transcript, but eh, it was still a beautiful line <3)

And the parallels between Daisy&Basira and Jon&Martin keep piling up! First Basira and Martin both were “busy”; now, it’s the single-minded longing for the other when they’re separated – Daisy having thought that she would never see Basira again when she was in the coffin, and now… Jon’s first reaction when Daisy taunts him about acting like he’s alone being to say that YES HE IS… because Martin isn’t there.

Holy Arceus on top of Giratina, Jon, what would your season-1 self would say about the Current You. (“Things change. People change.” Helen told him a few episodes ago, AND YEP. Y E P.)

- I’m… a bit worried about how Daisy handled Martin, however. It fits her and the… individualistic? bits of her that we had seen: if she sees a problem, she’ll try to deal with it through her own actions – Jon is sad because Martin isn’t there? Then no, she’s not going to drag Martin kicking and screaming back to Jon if she wants to cheer Jon up; she’ll push him to stand back up on his own.

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: I’m, I’m not “swanning around”– DAISY: “Boo-hoo, I’m so alone and a monster!” ARCHIVIST: I am alone, Martin is– DAISY: Busy. doing. paperwork. Not like he’s dead. Beside, he’s not the only other person here, you know. There’s me; Melanie; Basira–

1°) She’s partially not wrong? Though I still feel like, without knowing what Martin is doing behind the scenes together with Peter, there would be causes for concern and that Martin… is not in a good place nor there on his own: his lines in MAG124 and MAG129 sounded, more than anything, like he was straightforwardly blackmailed into not talking with the others (we know that, from Martin’s point of view, it’s a bit more complicated and not the end-goal; but still, his insistence to Jon about how he couldn’t hear what he had to say, had to leave, etc…. weren’t reassuring at all). Daisy might be projecting a bit on that one since she has deepened her network since she came back, probably because Basira was astray: she now remembers Melanie’s name, she listed Jon together with Basira as people trapped within the Institute (implying that she would not leave them behind). She might see Jon as hyperfixating on something that can’t be resolved right away, like her situation with Basira…? Unless it’s plainly because “Blackwood” hadn’t impressed her much in season 3 (she doesn’t know him! Even if Jon cares for him, maybe she doesn’t see him as all that valuable), or because… spooks are happening and the Lonely is managing to cut the ties that Martin die have with people, who are now just not finding him relevant anymore…?

2°) So nowadays, people are aware that Martin is doing “paperwork” – are they aware that he’s basically doing Peter’s work as an ~assistant~? Or are they plainly assuming that “Peter Lukas” is his alias…?

3°) ;; I’m super happy about Daisy inviting Jon for drinks, and Basira possibly joining them… but also worried about how Peter might just rub that into Martin’s face? Jon used to not be… social with the assistants. It would be so easy to tell Martin that it’s finally happening because Martin is not there… (And yes, Martin made his choice to protect the others, presumably Melanie&Basira, because Jon was away! And nowadays, it still stands, the fact that it would also protect Jon was only added to the pile! And he was told by Peter in MAG126 that he might “not want” to share what had happened with Jon at the end of it, implying that he would change; Martin knows these aspects of the deal! But Martin is not absolutely selfless either, and there could easily be some envious outbursts at the idea that Jon seems to be… happier, nowadays…?)

(… Martin had been so snappy to Basira in MAG088, and there was the whole talk between Basira&Melanie about how Martin seemed to think they would “steal his precious Archivist” in MAG106; who would have thought that Daisy and Jon would ultimately be the ones to go out for drinks together.)

- ANYWAY, Jon & Daisy & potentially Basira are going out for drinks and I don’t know if it will be an awkward mess or a nice time for all but. The potential for silly Tipsy Activities is strong – trying to make Jon guess ridiculous trivia facts through his Insights? Basira noting that Jon is behaving exactly like Martin presumably did at the end of MAG098 (talking a lot about a certain someone who isn’t really there at the moment)? Daisy sharing cop stories?

(… I also can’t help but think about the whole assistants-and-assimilated gang going for drinks during Jon’s kidnapping between MAG099–MAG102. Worst moment ever until they’re too inebriated to Coherently Think about why their lives suck and… see, that episode from Brooklyn 99? Going out of their way to find the most ridiculous kinda-harmless ways to exact revenge on what’s pissing them off at the moment, ie Elias? … Going to his office to wrap his whole desk in cellophane. While he’s standing there, just unable to do anything (they’re too many and too far gone for his power to work). While Tim is throwing serpentine streamers everywhere, Martin is crying because Elias’s paperweight suddenly reminds him of Jon, Daisy is seductively slurring the worst pick-up lines to Basira, and Melanie had stolen a spoon in the bar and tries to recreate “The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon” on Elias, again and again and AGAIN AND AGAIN– (maybe Basira told the truth in MAG106 and Melanie had indeed managed to make Elias cry, she just can’t remember about it). Basira was absolutely sober through it all, but when Elias tries to get explanations from her passiveness, it’s a mix of Her Iconic “I don’t know.” and the fact that she’s trying to get better at this new job of watching without doing anything. Elias would almost begin to regret Gertrude.)

Title for MAG137 is out and W O W is that an interesting one?! I have no idea if it will deal with one of the current threads or give information about other ones; it’s… a broad title which works for a lot of things. Tied to a very small mention we got in MAG105, so could be dealing with Gertrude’s studies on The Slaughter (and possibly her dealing with that one’s ritual)? If dealing with The Dark again, there are many angles which could work: attack on the Institute (get to meet The Creature, Jon.), Julia in present-time, Robert Montauk in the past, orrrr even something about the Elias-Rayner relationship that we now know was a Thing? (Though I feel that, if we get some information about that last one, it’s likely to be given in Ny-Ålesund.) Could also work for Hill Top Road, specifically Agnes and Ray? Could work for The Corruption (since The Hive had… personal feelings about The Institute) and maybe shed some light on whatever it was trying to achieve in the tunnels with the ring of worms (ritual attempt, or had Gertrude taken care of that one already?), or even something about John Amherst (Melanie… ;;)? Could work with Gertrude’s activities overall – with Elias, with Peter, with Jude… (Would be hilarious if it was about Elias and Peter, what the heck are you to each other, you terrible beings.) Could also work for Annabelle if it’s about balance? Aaaah, so many possibilities!! And it’s probably not even one that I thought of! =D

… and we’ll be getting a mid-season break, after all. Given how the break had been narratively inserted in season 3 (matching Jon’s kidnapping), will it be the case again and, if it is: what could possibly go wrong that we wouldn’t get a recording in-universe for three weeks? Four episodes left, a rushed trip to Ny-Ålesund could still happen before that and… leave them (/the surviving ones) in tatters afterwards, uuuuh…

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psychofactz · 6 years

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21 Tips to Stop Being a People-Pleaser

1. Realize you have a choice. People-pleasers often feel like they have to say yes when someone asks for their help. Remember that you always have a choice to say no, Newman said.

2. Set your priorities. Knowing your priorities and values helps you put the brakes on people-pleasing. You know when you feel comfortable saying no or saying yes. Ask yourself, “What are the most important things to me?” Newman suggested.

3. Stall. Whenever someone asks you for a favor, it’s perfectly OK to say that you’ll need to think about it. This gives you the opportunity to consider if you can commit to helping them. (Also important is to ask the person for details about the commitment.)

Newman suggested asking yourself: “How stressful is this going to be? Do I have the time to do this? What am I going to give up? How pressured am I going to feel? Am I going to be upset with this person who’s asking?”

Asking yourself these questions is key because, as Newman said, very often after you’ve said yes or helped out, you’re left wondering, “What was I thinking?” I neither have the time nor the expertise to help out.

If the person needs an answer right away, “your automatic answer can be no,” Newman said. That’s because “Once you say yes, you’re stuck.” By saying no automatically, “you leave yourself an option” to say yes later if you’ve realized that you’re available. And “you’ve also gotten it off your must-do or don’t-want to do list.”

4. Set a time limit.

If you do agree to help out, “limit your time frame,” Newman said. Let the person know that “I’m only available from 10 a.m. to 12 p.m.,” for example.

5. Consider if you’re being manipulated.

Sometimes, people are clearly taking advantage of you, so it’s important to watch out for manipulators and flatterers, Newman said. How do you spot them? She said, “Often the people who flatter you will say [statements like], ‘Oh you’re so good at baking cakes, would you make a cake for my child’s birthday?’ or ‘I don’t know how to put this bookcase together, but you’re so handy, can you help me out?’”

A classic line is “Nobody does this better than you do,” she said. Also, these people “will either coax you into doing something or try to tell you what your availability is or what your time frame is.” Basically, before you know it, they make the decision for you.

6. Create a mantra.

Figure out a mantra you can say to yourself to stop you from people-pleasing. It can even be a visual as simple as a big “No” flashing when a certain friend who “can always talk you into something” approaches you, Newman said.

7. Say no with conviction.

“The first no to anyone is always the hardest,” Newman said. But once you get over that first bump, “you will be well on your way to getting off the yes treadmill.” Also, remember that you’re saying no for good reasons. “You get time for yourself and for the people you really want to help,” she said.

8. Use an empathic assertion.

Some people initially think that being assertive means “stepping all over people,” Tillman said. Instead, she explained that “assertiveness is really about connection.”

Using an empathic assertion “means that you put yourself in the other person’s shoes as you assert yourself,” Tillman said. So you let the person know that you understand where they’re coming from, but unfortunately, you can’t help. “People need to feel heard and understood,” and this is a respectful way of asserting yourself and saying no.

9. Consider if it’s worth it.

When asserting yourself, Tillman suggested asking yourself, “Is it really worth it?” It’s probably not worth it to tell your boss about his annoying habit, but it is worth it to tell your friend that you can’t do lunch because you’re super busy.

10. Don’t give a litany of excuses.

It’s tempting to want to defend your decision to say no to someone so they understand your reasoning. But this actually backfires. According to Newman, “As soon as you start explaining, you give the other person lots of wiggle room to come back and say, ‘Oh, you can do that later,’ ‘You can adjust your schedule’ or ‘That’s not as important as what I’m asking.’”

11. Start small.

“Everything we learn how to do we learn through a process,” so take baby steps, Tillman said. Instead of barging into your boss’s office to ask for a raise, talk with your immediate supervisor first about how to prepare yourself for the talk, she said.

12. Practice successive approximation.

Successive approximation means taking “one step in the direction you want to go” and rewarding yourself for getting that far, Tillman said. If your neighbor’s dog’s barking is driving you crazy, make efforts to confront the person by first saying “Good morning,” as you’re both leaving the house, she said. Another time, you might mention how noisy the neighborhood has been. If he doesn’t get the hint, you can knock on his door and use an empathic assertion.

It can help to write down “how you get from A to Z,” Tillman said. This also helps you gain the courage to confront the person, she added.

13. Don’t apologize — if it’s not your fault.

People-pleasers tend to be serial apologists, Tillman said. Pay attention to when you’re apologizing and consider if you’re really at fault. Ask yourself if you’re responsible for the situation, she said. Usually, the answer is no.

14. Remember that saying no has its benefits.

As Newman said, “you as a person are entitled to your time and you need to rest and rejuvenate to be there for the people you want to help out.” Look at saying no as an opportunity to spend your time doing what you value in your life.

15. Set clear boundaries — and follow through.

“We all have physical or emotional limits,” Newman said, and because of these limits, we have to set boundaries. Ask yourself what you’re willing to do, and don’t go beyond these limits. Also, be clear in communicating your boundaries. Say what you’re thinking and what you want.

Letting someone step over your boundaries without voicing your frustrations can lead you to “bottle up this negative feeling about a person…to the point when you have a blowup and really hurt someone’s feelings or end the relationship” completely,” she said.

For instance, you might “have a friend who’s just so emotionally needy and negative that she calls you all the time with her problems and wants you to listen,” Newman said. But “even just listening is asking a favor…[and] every time you hang out, you’re miserable and she feels better.” Respect your boundaries, and at some point, say to her, “I can’t help you,” Newman said.

There also are subtle ways to respect your boundaries. You might “start taking every other call and wean yourself off of her.” You can do the same thing with a person who calls you at your busiest time of day. You might say, “I can’t be available for you at 2:30 because I’m at the office; let’s set up a particular time to talk,” she said. When setting up the time, offer one that works best for you.

Setting physical boundaries might mean telling a person that they can’t just pop over when they want to or borrow your things without asking, she said.

16. Don’t be scared of the fallout.

People-pleasers often worry that after they say no, the fallout will be catastrophic. But as Newman said, “the fallout is never as bad as we think it is.” In fact, “it’s usually very insignificant.” Why? For starters, “people are not thinking about you as much as you think.” Usually, after you say no, a person is more focused on who they’ll be asking next to help them than your so-called betrayal, she said.

Even a significant request such as being the maid of honor at your friend’s wedding isn’t disastrous. Being the maid of honor “takes a lot of time, energy and money,” which you may not have. You say that “I’m really honored and this means so much to me, but I won’t be able to do it,” “isn’t going to ruin the wedding,” Newman said. “If you have a solid friendship, this isn’t going to end it.”

17. Consider who you want to have your time.

Newman suggested asking yourself, “Who do I really want to help?” As she put it, “Do you want to be there for your parents or some friend from college who lived down the hall who you partied with a lot who’s back in your life and really demanding?”

18. Self-soothe.

Using positive self-talk is “like being a good mother to yourself,” Tillman said. You can use this to remind yourself of your priorities and boundaries. For instance, you might say “I can do this,” “I have the right to park in this parking spot,” “I made the decision that’s right for me” or “My values are more important than saying yes in this situation.”

19. Recognize when you’ve been successful.

Many people-pleasers tend to focus on what went wrong, Tillman said. Counteract this tendency by keeping a journal with the times you handled a situation well, such as when you were assertive or didn’t apologize. In fact, you might be surprised at “how many more times you’re responding confidently,” she said.

20. Keep a confidence file.

Since a lack of confidence can cause your people-pleasing ways, keep a file with positive and praising emails, cards or anything else, Tillman said. (For instance, Psych Central associate editor Therese Borchard keeps a self-esteem file.) It can even come in handy when asking for that raise. Tillman suggested printing out any emails or letters of praise you’ve received from co-workers or higher-ups and taking them to your boss as another reason why you deserve a raise.

21. Realize that you can’t be everything to everyone.

Again, people-pleasers want to make everyone happy. While you might make someone happy temporarily, Newman said, it doesn’t work long term. And you can get hurt in the process. “People who preserve their time and energy and don’t say yes to everyone also realize that they can’t make other people happy,” she said. People-pleasers must realize that the only thoughts and feelings they can change are their own.

#facts #psychology #psychological #psycho #psycho fact #psychological facts #psychology facts #educational facts #mood #counselling #mental health #health #disorders #help

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blackaquokat · 6 years

Note

Iv datective friends to romance

iv) Somewhere along the way of getting into bar fights together, staying up allnight with movie marathons, other friendship things, I’ve fallen in love withyou but oh my god this could ruin EVERYTHING

For @dontworryaboutanything

So, inwriting this prompt, I’ve realized this is exactly the missing piece I need forpart of my DAtective series, ‘Law and Disorder’ and here we are! If you wish toknow the origin of this pairing, I shall direct your attention to how theymet inthis series. This work also foreshadows the next installment.

Oo00oO

Abe has no idea when it began.

Not the friendship, obviously. He will forever remember thatfirst meeting at the DA’s office, the way his lawyer friend took to the case likea shark to its prey. Then later, when the two of them were supposed to rejoice a job well-done, their close-minded asshole ofa coworker decided to ruin the celebration.

Although it wasn’t sobad. Their outing did end with a rather lovely sunset.

Since then, Abe has outright searched for reasons to spendtime with them in between cases. Advice on how to talk to a victim, checking inon them at home when appropriate, and sometimes just popping by without awarning because old habits die hard and he’s not so great at personalboundaries.

They haven’t kicked him out yet though, so Abe considers thata good sign. They’ve even taken initiative and dragged him to a few films,invited him out for drinks, and taken him to the pier again to watch thesunset.

He doesn’t even understand why he’s so intent to be around them. They’re easily annoyed,reticent, and not friendly at all,not in the typical sense anyway.

But then, maybe that’s it.

They aren’t typical. And neither is he.

True, the two of them are very different kinds of different, but hey, Abe likes to think that’sexactly why he’s drawn to them. The thrill of finding a kindred spirit willdwindle eventually, but he’ll drag it out as long as he can and then they’llboth move on to being mere acquaintances.

Which is what brings him to his current situation.

They’ve just completed their second successful case together,and rather than go to the pub, he drags them to the fair taking place in thecity.

“What part of ‘I really do not like crowds’ do you notunderstand, Lincoln?” they growl as he drags them by the hand down the street.

“What part of ‘Just trust me’ do you not understand?”

“Last time you said that, it was about the fact that you licked a corpse’s fingers beforeforensics could look it over.”

“Don’t start spouting logic, we’re supposed to be having fun.”

“You told me this in the courtroom.”

“Details, details, you’re still coming with me.”

Abe ignores the groan, because they’re only a few blocks awaynow.

“Abe, I appreciate that you’re trying to get me out of myoffice more, but I’m exhausted. Ijust want to go home and take a nap—”

They cut off when Abe pulls them to the entrance to the fair,staring wide-eyed at the bright lights everywhere, the countless tents andrides. The air smells of cigar smoke and fried food. Aggressively cheerfulmusic is played via strategically placed radios.

More importantly, however, there are a rather minisculenumber of people taking part in the festivities.

“Where…where is everyone?” they ask, looking at him withhesitant excitement.

“It’s the last day of the fair,” Abe answers. “It alsohappens to be Sunday, so everyone is at church right now. No lines, not toomany screaming kids, no risk of someone bumping into you and sending your foodeverywhere.”

“Abe that happened once!”they defend. “It’s not my fault you can’t watch where you’re going.”

“I could say the same about you.”

They laugh, making an enchanting sound that sends a jolt ofelectricity through his chest. “Anyway, um, the peanut vendor is over there, Ibelieve…” he mutters.

The pair spends a good two hours at the fair, sharing a bagof peanuts, making fun of the people looking at them with judging eyes, andtrying out a handful of the games offered. Oddly enough, Abe’s companion dominates the sharpshooter tent.

“You never told me you know how to use a gun,” Abe mentions.

They shrug. “It never came up. Is it really so surprising?”

“Not really, no.” Whey they glance at him, he explains, “Youdid tell me both of your parents were in the military. But, honestly, mostpeople just dissolve on the spot when you turn your Angry Eyes on, so youknowing how to shoot a gun doesn’t seem like much of a stretch.”

The corner of their lips quirk upward, and Abe suddenlynotices that they have dimples. Why is he just noticing that now? Why does that little detail make his chest thump faster?

Matter of fact, this entire evening has been an exercise in notstaring at them for too long, because damn it, this is a side of them he hasn’tseen yet. This utter delight, a smile bright as the moon, eyes lit up likefireworks, Abe wouldn’t be surprised if they started glowing of all things.

“I can’t believe you remembered that about my parents…” Theylook around some more before seeing, to his dismay, the Ferris wheel. “I haven’tridden a Ferris wheel in years.” Theystart heading in that direction and Abe moves with them.

They’re about to get on when they notice he hasn’t tried tojoin. “You’re not coming?”

“Uh…well…nah, I don’t…” Abe clears his throat. “Not too big afan of Ferris wheels. You go on ahead.” He shoves the last of the peanuts inhis mouth before he says anything incriminating.

They gaze at him a moment longer and he just prays they don’t read too much into hiswords. “Alright.” As they enter the ride, they turn back to him with a smirk. “Foryour information, if I could make people dissolve with my ‘Angry Eyes,’ therewould be four people left at the DA’s office, including myself.”

Abe chuckles so hard he nearly chokes on the peanuts.

After that ride, he walks them home in silence, which isuncharacteristic for him, but not so much for them. Normally their strollstogether involve him ranting about a case or his fellow officers while they nodin sympathy and occasionally throw in a complaint about their own coworkers.

This time the silence feels…different. If he didn’t know anybetter, he’d think they might have something they wish to talk about.

“Thanks,” they eventually say. “Thanks for, um, bringing mealong.”

“Not at all,” he answers. “These sorts of events aren’treally fun to take part in solo anyway—”

“I’m not done,” they interrupt. They take in a deep breathand roll their shoulders. “I’ve had exactly onefriend in my entire life. Due to our current career paths, we haven’t been ableto see each other as much, so I’ve been a little…lonelier than normal. I guess what I’m saying is…it’s nice to haveanother friend and not feel like I’m, um…too strange to be around.”

Abe’s mouth opens and shuts. What the hell is he supposed tosay to that? How does one respond to the realization that you’re one of two ofthe only acquaintances a kick-ass, emotionally distant ADA has?

Whether he would have found a response or not, Abe will neverknow, because they hurry to fill the awkward quiet with, “Also, the DA calledme into his office earlier today and said he planned on retiring early nextyear.”

It takes Abe longer than it should to switch gears. “Oh, um…that’sinteresting. Why would he tell you?”

They bite their lip, almost like they’re trying not to smile.The two of them stop walking. “God, I shouldn’t be telling you this…he basicallytold me that if I was interesting in being the DA, he would back me in aheartbeat.”

Abe swings around to face them, eyes bulging from his head. “I-you’reshitting me??!!”

“I had to pinch myself to keep from leaping with joy.”

He can’t help it. He grabs them into a hug and actually spins them around a few times beforesetting them back down, both of them laughing in joy as they start moving oncemore. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? We could have been doing something farmore high class, like eating at a fancy restaurant or crashing a prom—”

“No, I hate big fusses, you know that,” they dismiss. “I just…Ireally wanted to tell someone. I mean, obviously this isn’t a guarantee. He’sgoing to announce his upcoming retirement soon, so I really need to buckle downand get started on a campaign. I’ve built a reputation in the community andmade a few public statements about community outreach, but I don’t exactly havefunds—”

“Hey, all of that will work out,” Abe interrupts. He’s still grinninglike an idiot until a thought occurs to him and it disappears. “I guess thismeans you’ll be pretty busy for a while, huh?” He tries to sound nonchalant,but he doesn’t think it works. Much as he’s been expecting this relationship todie down, he doesn’t want it to do so this soon.

They give him a strange look as they stop walking again. Aberealizes they’ve reached their home.

“I won’t be too busy to spend time with my favoritedetective,” they assert in a determined tone. “Not when he still owes me aFerris wheel ride.”

A nervous chuckle rumbles in his chest. “Uh…yeah, yeah,definitely…”

It’s time for them to part ways, but Abe is suddenly overwhelmedwith the thought that he should do somethingbefore the night officially ends. But what?A handshake? A hug? The thought of kissing them flashes through his headjust long enough to make his face turn beet red. He desperately hopes it’s darkenough under his cap that they don’t notice.

“Well…I had a lot of fun tonight, Abe,” they eventually say. “Thanksagain. I’ll see you again soon, alright?”

It takes three gulps to actually force a sentence out of hisdry throat. “Absolutely. Have a good night.”

When they finally entire their house, Abe stares at the doorfor the longest time, feeling like a total buffoon, before cursing to himself andhurrying down the street.

He never looks back, so he doesn’t see the attorney part theshades a hint to watch him leave, a smile tugging at their cheeks.

Oo00oO

The months pass and, unfortunately, Abe and the attorney’s timespent together shrinks a rather significant amount, what with Abe’s suddencaseload and them taking on more and more court cases to further solidify theirreputation.

They make time to leave him notes though, at his doorstep,especially if weeks go by without them seeing each other. He starts doing so inreturn, though not as often, he’s ashamed to say. He’s still awfully shook upby that night, the way they looked under the porchlights and how the thought ofkissing them actually crossed hismind.

Now that it’s happened once, it’s been happening more andmore often lately.

Abe will look over a case and notice a quirky detail, whichhe then wants to share with his friend, butthen those thoughts dissolve into definitelynot friendly thoughts and he’ll endup spilling his coffee on his lap. These sorts of incidents have happened, invarious ways, more than he’d care to admit.

Damn them. This is their fault. He’s never been this distracted byanyone except three of his pastpartners, and look at how those turnedout.

He just…he can’t.

Not again.

And so time goes on in this cycle of missed calls and lettersonly sometimes answered. Before either knows it, the DA retires, gives a glowing endorsement to Abe’s favoriteattorney, and it’s only a month later that they’re elected into office by an overwhelmingmajority.

Abe wishes he could say that he was at the celebration whenthe news hit, but he was seeing someone about a new case.

His old friend Mark had finallycontacted him again, after almost two years of complete silence. Their meetingended up lasting several hours, both catching up on the latest personal events(he suspects Mark hasn’t been particularly forthcoming about why he’s been sounreachable) and discussing what Mark wanted Abe to do for him. It turns out tobe a simple recon case: check out the guests and employees for an upcomingparty Mark is throwing. Nothing too out of the ordinary, aside from the Mayor,of all people, being included in that list.

But when he returns to his car and switches on the radio, hehears the results of the election.

At first, Abe lets out a whooping cheer in the confines ofhis car. He is so proud. They’veworked so hard for this, fighting for justice in the courtroom and againstprejudice in their own office…

Simultaneously, however,he felt this awful guilt gather inthe pit of his stomach at the realization that his friend had won a positionthey’ve been struggling to reach for so long and Abe wasn’t there to celebrate with them.

So now, with these thoughts eroding his mind, he leans hishead back against the seat of his car and makes a new resolution.

Abe will finish this case for Mark, check out these peoplelike he wants.

Then…then he’ll make it up to the new DA, somehow.

For the moment, he needs space to clear his head. Otherwise, he’llruin the best thing in his life.

Oo00oO

@skidspace , @peaceiplier , @beereblogsstuff , @sassy-in-glasses , @chelseareferenced , @musical-jim , @sketchy-scribs-n-doods , @cosmic–frappucino , @wkm-detective-abe-squad

Sendme a prompt for Detective Abe/DA, Damien/DA, Actor!Mark/DA!

#datective #wkm #y/n district attorney #abe the detective #kat writes #law and disorder #prompts for kat

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suggestionsofthecaribbean · 6 years

Text

Tortuga: James and Elizabeth

After separately brooding on these events, Elizabeth returns to her room with James and a confrontation occurs over the nature of their relationship, both personally and professionally.

Featuring @norringtonsuggestions and @lizzyswann-turnersuggestions.

@lizzyswann-turnersuggestions: hey

@lizzyswann-turnersuggestions: how did it go with Giselle?

@norringtonsuggestions: Sorry to have missed these; I was distracted.

@norringtonsuggestions: Nothing you intended.

@lizzyswann-turnersuggestions: Not anything bad, i hope?

@lizzyswann-turnersuggestions: I take it she was not the distraction.

@norringtonsuggestions: We spoke.

@norringtonsuggestions: She’s enlisting on the Gloriana.

@lizzyswann-turnersuggestions: Oh, is she really

@norringtonsuggestions:: I’ve no idea if she’ll be of any use, but she spoke so wistfully of having wanted to go for a sailor as a young girl that I suppose I was moved.

@lizzyswann-turnersuggestions: she and i talked about that

@norringtonsuggestions: I’m not leaving for some time- she needs more of a crew. She was understaffed when I took her, and she cannot last with only seventy-five men onboard including myself.

@lizzyswann-turnersuggestions: at least i have you a little while longer to myself, then

@lizzyswann-turnersuggestions: Although i do not know if you saw but there are already rumors about that

@norringtonsuggestions: How could I not be aware.

@lizzyswann-turnersuggestions: You were right, they absolutely did not say you lay at my feet, who could have foreseen this, it was just you @lizzyswann-turnersuggestions: Backgammon though!! I don't even know how we would

---

James never returned her texts, and after a few minutes stretched into an hour Elizabeth accepted privately that James was taking the accusation of being a backgammon player - at least, the implications of his being the passive player - much more poorly than she was. She wished she had done more to refute it in Red Jenny’s room, instead of merely deflecting it to….well. She was having her dinner now in order to progress more quickly to sobriety precisely in memory of that deflection.

She brought up a little bit of dinner with her when she returned, at very late an hour, to the honeymoon suite. Of course, they could be asleep - or if she were fortunate, it would just be him and she would not have to ask the girl to leave - but she was nonetheless apprehensive that she might have to share with Giselle: dinner, her bed, or worse, her new captain.

On the contrary, however, James was awake, and making notes in a small leather-bound book pressed against his knee when she entered. He acknowledged her with a glance upward and mildly raised eyebrows, then returned to his work. The room smelled of rum, but he was sober.

“Good evening, Elizabeth.”

That was not where she wanted his eyes, since it was nowhere near her. Elizabeth approached him wordlessly, stuck her foot on the frame jutting out from beneath the mattress, and ceremoniously pulled her coat off, before hanging it on the bedpost.

“James, it’s 3 in the morning.”

“I’m used to keeping odd hours.” He pulled a leather strip sewn to the book’s binding down in the gutter of the page on which he had been writing and shut it. “However, the rest may wait, if you need the candle extinguished to sleep.”

“I don’t need to sleep.”

She was annoyed at him for still not looking at her, particularly with this pose. She took her hat off and tossed it proudly onto the floor, letting the braid fall down her back, then made something of a show - as subtlely as possible, which was not very - of pulling her fingers through it, letting her hair loose and free.

He had been midway to the candelabrum anyway when he looked back at her and paused.

“Er,” he said. “How was your evening, then?”

“Wretched,” she supplied, before sinking onto the bed beside him, rather too closely beside him, and asking, “So how was yours? What did Giselle do with you?”, while sliding one hand through what was left to his hair.

“Ah, yes,” he said. “Let’s talk about Giselle, shall we?”

James turned his whole body to face her this time, with one leg swung over the other, just a bit too friendly to presage anything but a scolding. Elizabeth took note of this before it reached her consciousness, and pulled back from him.

“Please explain to me what I was meant to take from your decision to pre-pay some town girl to come and wait for me when half of the island and probably most of the Internet believes you’ve already made me into your…”

It took him a moment; there were no good words for this with the gender configuration at hand, so when he settled for “catamite” the effect was rather undercut by the uncertain way his brows had drawn together even more than their usual resting position.

By this point Elizabeth had resumed standing, and undressing for her comfort, removing bits and pieces of weaponry from her belt and tossing them onto the foot of their bed. Now she unbuckled her belt, and when she removed it the gesture was markedly lewd, suggestive of both violence and otherwise.

She let that suggestion percolate a moment before it, too, joined the cast-off assortment of implements.

“I thought you could use the company,” she said coolly, gathering her things up in her coat like a girl might do with her apron, and hauling them into a trunk of clothing where the rest of her things were kept. “Not to mention the opportunity to assert your maligned manhood. God knows how you look after your reputation.”

“Sorry to disappoint you, then, but nothing happened save a few minutes’ fully dressed conversation,” James said flatly. “She’s joining the Gloriana when we depart- as a sailor, thank you. It was apparently an ambition of hers, before the matter of her sex dashed it. You might understand that, I hope.”

He gave her a very severe look to emphasize this last point, and hopefully give her at least a little shame at the position in which she had placed Giselle.

“I suppose an illegitimate crew cannot help a few illegitimate hands, and it’s better than leaving her in… this place.”

“Well, I am happy for her, though departing on a ship with you is hardly the only way a woman can achieve her dreams,” said Elizabeth, with a shocking lack of regard for how he might feel about it. There was altogether something hard and unkind in her manner that had not been there the night before, let alone in his company at any point in time.

“And God only knows if she shall,” said James, as he stood to remove his coat at last. “But we cannot all be as fortunate as you or I, leaping from success to success until it fails us.”

He gave her a look that was nearly a glare over his shoulder as he hung it up.

Elizabeth spread her arms haughtily and looked around the room. “Have I done you some wrong?”

“Of course not,” he said, crossing his arms. “I am your dog, am I not? To be summoned and sent away as it should please your highness? And thrown treats, it would seem, when you feel generous.”

Elizabeth stalked across the room to him, every step a pointed challenge.

“What do you expect me to say? That I am not your king, and you are not my dog? That you are only my oldest friend? That I am only your only friend?”

She did not stop until she was far more in his space than necessary.

“Besides, I could not do it myself,” she said haughtily, and, turning around to walk away again, tossed her hair so that it flew into his face.

After the instinctive flinching that came with that, her meaning became clear. James clenched his jaw.

“Excuse me if I do not find Tortuga an amorous destination.”

It was her turn to glare at him over her shoulder.

“Your loss,” she said lightly. “She was very pretty.”

“And quite probably ill,” he added, “though that’s scarcely her fault. She’s not likely to remain very pretty here. The sea is hardly kinder, but at least she may derive some greater joy from it.”

“I expect she will,” said Elizabeth, no longer radiating fury, but still decidedly cold, now merely businesslike about it.

He stared at her.

“Are you- is this envy?”

She looked up at him much too sharply, and all of her anger returned.

“How dare you. I hired her!”

“As some sort of proxy, is that it?” he continued, fairly certain he had struck gold. “Or as a test, perhaps? Heaven forbid I don’t want to go about having a tumble with some Tortuga dock-girl who sounds nearly relieved to speak of her ambitions and desires, especially after my previous ignorance of yours-“

“A test? A test?” Elizabeth yelled over him. “If it had been you would certainly have failed it - this is why there are rumors about you, captain.”

She started angrily unbuttoning her shirt, though this time she did not instruct him to look away. In fact, she seemed to silently, provocatively dare him to, instead.

“There are rumors-“

His jaw clenched, and he had to force it open again with some effort.

“There are rumors because there are in fact very few boundaries a man will not cross to survive, or to merely forget that he ever had reason to wish for his survival, in a place like this when he is both destitute and unable to return to civilization,” he very nearly spat, “and it would appear pirates have good memory for such things. I’m certain there are plenty of gentlemen on this island who would be all too happy to tell you what the ex-Commodore who washed up on these shores some time ago was willing to do for a bit of coin. Forgive me, my king, if testing the resolve of some little doxy hanging about the harbor for a similar prize is an unsavory idea to consider.”

“I will not be scolded like somebody’s little sister because I made a transaction with an honest woman for her services,” said Elizabeth, in a matter-of-fact tone of voice that conveyed more venom than facts. “As a counterpoint to your flimsy self-righteousness, might I point out that she would not have joined up with your crew if she had not been here tonight to meet you, so all in all it seems my attempt to do you a good turn did her one instead. Am I not magnanimous, James?”

“Yes, I suppose we’re all quite lucky,” James said heatedly. “Turn away; I don’t wish to sleep in this shirt again.”

She turned around, deliberately slowly.

James blew out half of the candles in the candelabrum to avoid giving her too much of a presumed unwanted glimpse of him in such a state of undress and finished pulling his shirt off, dropping it on the bedside table as he did.

“‍There. I’ve finished. I can keep my back to you if you wish.”

She had her arms folded, her shoulders hunched in vulnerability and much discomfort with it. The sound of his blowing out the candles had finished her; she was no less irritated than before, but the desire to solve the problem by shouting at and belittling him until he dropped it had ebbed away into a miserable sense of his physical presence and its distance from her.

“I do not wish,” she said in a haughty, but brittle, voice.

He turned in the half-darkness to face her again, as though challenging her.

“I’ve finished, then. You may turn around.”

Elizabeth, hugging her arms in what remained of her poor mood, reluctantly turned around to see him. She ended up swallowing hard and turning away again.

“May I speak frankly with you?”

He sat warily.

“Proceed.”

Now she turned to face him. She had gotten so far as removing her shirt, but no further; her stays, which had been loosened and pulled off beneath the shirt she’d worn the night before, were still on, and so was her chemise, but this was a pitiful sort of decency nonetheless.

“I thought you would like it. I hoped you would like it. I don’t know what you fault me with.”

“I do not enjoy being treated as a favored pet,” James said, a little coldy. “Least of all at the expense of another. If perhaps she were of a different caliber- if they had a proper pleasure house around here- but some poor creature haunting the Tortuga docks, bought and sent up like a packet of snuff as a present for your faithful dog?”

“I made a general post online about seeking a woman’s particular services and she was the only woman who answered it who didn’t ghost me when I mentioned your name,” said Elizabeth icily. “We had dinner and a chat first. I did not get so pitiful an impression of her as you did.”

“Then that, at least, is fortunate,” he conceded. “I’m sorry- I just…”

Some of the tension released in his shoulders. James sighed and let his head rest against his hand.

“I hate this god-damned island. I was a fool to come back.”

“Yes, of course,” said Elizabeth in a mockingly delicate and polite tone of voice. “How terrible for us to meet again. You know -”

She realized what she was about to say to him and bit her lip on the information, uncomfortable but still angry enough to have nearly said it: this is why I did not want to marry you. I knew you would be all appropriate, flowery affection from afar, and a miserable failure when it came to the actual act.

“Would that we might have met anywhere else,” James said as he watched her, recognizing her temper and moving to defuse it. “I had not intended to see you so soon. Your messages were full of such pride that I would have preferred us to reunite after having done enough to sustain it.”

“You are simultaneously insisting I see you as my dog, which you find to be an insult, and then saying this - as though you prefer our relationship be exclusively that of some monarch and their favorite,” said Elizabeth angrily, putting her hands on her hips. “It is not my fault you want and don’t want to be my pet.”

“I had hoped I might come to you as a friend, and a companion-in-arms,” he said. “I cannot be expected to deny my affection for you, and though I carry it without expectation I had hoped that at least I might have your respect.”

“Why do you think you are not those things?” she said in clear frustration, and, it was beginning to be clear even in the low candlelight, hurt. “Does it mean I do not respect you because I - I - hoped to send you company for the evening? That I hoped you might enjoy it? Pardon me if I was wrong, but as far as I know being wrong is not the same thing as intentionally causing insult!”

“This is not about Giselle any longer. This is about ‘there he is, my faithful dog’ and all that followed,” said James. “This is about my apparent status as a lackey passed from Beckett to you with no thought of my own on the matter-“

“That was meant entirely in jest!” said Elizabeth, brow furrowing, her manner moving swiftly down the line from formidable and menacing, as it had been earlier, to righteous, but not irrational anger, to finally agitated pouting. She was even fidgeting with the lacings on her stays, and looked like she might cry. “You don’t understand- you don’t-” Elizabeth blinked back tears and stubbornly looked up at the ceiling so they would not fall. “Surely you must understand that our lives depend on our reputations in this profession. I am not merely trying to look cool. James, they want to kill you. I saved your life by making murdering you not worth the risk of angering me - and I deflected their anger at me, for threatening them and for protecting Beckett’s loyal dog, by making it clear you won’t go unpunished. Do you think you can defect from working for someone as cruel, as hateful, as evil as Beckett and appear to come through it unscathed? They would despise you still more, and me with you! How do I protect you then, if they loathe me more than they fear me? If I look weak? If I look like a simpering little daddy’s girl with an infatuation for one of Beckett’s officers, and let him lord it over them that he is free while anyone they have ever loved could be dead in a mass grave somewhere in Port Royal? Oh, I admit it, I was teasing you, and I had fun doing it; but I am not a cruel and giddy little girl. I am not Cutler Beckett! I am trying to keep you safe - the only person left for me to love and care about. The only person left who cares about me.”

Abruptly she turned away from him and wiped furiously at her eyes, more out of frustration than unhappiness - so she told herself.

James fell silent, and then made room for her on the bed.

“All right, come here. I apologize; I spoke too rashly.”

She did not want to sit down, pausing as though she would do it anyway, and ultimately deciding to pace the floor instead. She did not want to be still. She also found it too painful to sit near him.

“I have to work - ten hundred times harder than anyone else here does to be taken seriously. It would be bad enough if i were another rum runner, but I’m the Pirate King. You’ll never understand it, you’ve been in the Royal Navy since you were twelve years old. I had to have a chaperone everywhere I went until two years ago - and believe me, that only let up because I started simply flouting rules I no longer wanted to follow and I had a very indulgent father.”

She stopped and stood in front of him.

“Do you fail to see the reason they delight in mocking how far you’ve fallen? It’s because they were all terrified of you! Do you think it will be hard for you to get that back again? Why do you think Beckett wanted you in his pocket? He could have simply hanged you! What do I have to recommend myself? Hm? Please, enlighten me. You had so much sympathy for Giselle. Can’t you show me any?”

“Beckett wanted me in his pocket because he’s a pathetic little wretch who thinks he can make the world his toy after Daddy didn’t give him enough of them,” James said vehemently. “It’s why he thought to dwell so often on the Admiral, to feel as though he had leverage on my own history so as to blot out his own. Anything to bend the whole damned world around himself, anything to create debt. Keeping me alive, hearing me call him my lord every time I entered the room- it was debt.”

“And that is what you think of me, too, then?” asked Elizabeth, hands falling to her sides. She couldn’t disguise the tears in her eyes now, but she wouldn’t bury what was left of her anger, either.

“I don’t know what you want or think of me,” said James, “aside from thinking me to be a fine man, whatever that means anymore. I have never held you in any expectation after understanding where your path lay, but I think it is no great request to ask you to not treat my heart as something you may toss about lightly.”

She looked indignant, even disgusted. “I don’t!”

“It’s a recent development,” he countered. “On the Pearl, I cannot say I enjoyed watching you grow hot for Sparrow, but at least it was not mixed with periods of false hope-“

“False hope- here’s one for you,” countered Elizabeth, after walking away from him in irritation and then turning back abruptly. “Will and I annulled our marriage in part because I could not stop thinking about you.”

“What?”

He had been reclining, rather moodily at that, but this made James sit up again. The anger had vanished from his face entirely, leaving only abject confusion in its wake.

“...Elizabeth, you cannot be serious-“

“I cannot give only half of my heart - I couldn’t to you two years ago, and I couldn’t to him two nights ago. I suggested we had married too early and should date longer first, but I hurt him too much and he left.” A curse word formed in her mind; Elizabeth was really in tears now. “He said he saw no distinction; either I wanted to be together or I didn’t. What could I say to that? I knew my heart was torn after the battle between the Dutchman and the Empress - well, such as it was a battle - and we reconciled. You must remember that night. I couldn’t sleep afterward. All I could think about was you.” Her mouth twisted in an affectionate, miserable smile. “I tried to remain distant but I knew I had to talk to Will about it before I could possibly see you face to face. Well, talking about it ended everything. Does that satisfy you?”

“...Elizabeth,” he repeated.

James stood again and lifted a candle from the candelabrum. Carefully, he used it to re-light the candles he had extinguished and then set it aside, brushing the melted wax from his fingers onto his trousers as he turned away from the night table.

He crossed to where Elizabeth stood and touched her under the chin with two gently curled fingers. He wanted to see her in the light.

“May I?” he asked.

“If you’re asking to kiss me, you’re two years too late,” she said bitterly, though she lifted her head with no small degree of cautious, tightly-wound pride.

For a moment, it looked- and probably felt- very much as though James were leaning toward her lips.

He hesitated, though, a breath away, looking away uncertainly and then lowering his eyes altogether. His head bowed, his mouth moved away from hers, and he put his hand in her hair instead and simply held her in silence, disregarding his own shirtlessness.

Elizabeth startled, and then relaxed against him, insofar as she was capable of it. He was a distraction from her misery; he was her misery. She put her arms around him and they trembled. She pressed her face against him and breathed hesitantly, only to be bothered by the smell of him.

“God, James,” she complained.

“Hmmm?”

He leaned out to look at her, though he had his back to the candles himself and was difficult to make out beyond the shape of his shoulders and neck and the stubborn tousle of his hair, as though it were rejoicing in its newfound freedom.

She smiled an absolutely miserable, absolutely radiant smile, and reached up one unsteady hand to brush over his hair.

“I’m growing accustomed to it,” he admitted, leaning into her touch. “I don’t think I shall be purchasing another wig.”

“I must apologize to you again for the encouragement of the dog epithet,” she admitted with a wretched smile. “I admit that while it was sincerely meant as an albeit calculated joke, there was… another side to it.”

His hands very comfortably settled on her waist. It was broader than he recalled- but of course, that would be the muscularity she’d taken on since their engagement. And the absence of that wretched corset.

Had she not worn that corset, he wondered, might she have been- not his, surely; Elizabeth had always been her own. He had always loved her for it, even before the nature of that love changed. In another life, she could have been very easily as a younger sister to him. But were it not for that corset…

In some other life, perhaps they were happy.

“What’s that?”

She flushed with embarrassment.

“....I rather like the imagery,” she whispered. “A lapdog, a protector. Someone to ‘fetch’ me victories and return to be shown off for his good behavior. A companion of unconditional trustworthiness to sit at my heels - “ She cut herself off, letting her hand slide from hair to stroke his throat distractedly, before forcing herself to meet his eyes with a flustered smile.

“Is it so much to ask that that be kept between us?” he asked, a little desperately.

She bit her lip, then shook her head, her eyes locked on his hopelessly.

“...unconditional trustworthiness,” he repeated distantly.

He broke the gaze between them. Unconditional had about as much of a history as Giselle, at least where he and Elizabeth were concerned.

Elizabeth let go of him, shaken. The night had been long before she’d gotten back to this room; now it had extended to twice that length.

There was something in the close repetition of these events - hurting Will with her budding feelings for James and hurting James now with her remaining feelings for Will, or merely the knowledge she had felt for Will first - that made both of them look even uglier. Now she had something she’d done to another woman to add onto that.

Many people on the sea would have killed for compass like Jack’s, but Elizabeth just wanted to hold it.

To see where it would point.

“...I’m sorry, James,” she said, sounding far away herself. A solitary tear trickled down her cheek and disappeared beneath her chin. “I don’t know how to behave myself, it seems. Not exactly brand new information.”

She walked to the other side of the room; it didn’t matter that it was dark there. She needed to be away from him to say this.

“...and you were right,” she said finally. It was an admission to herself as much as to him. “I want you but I can’t have you; I thought if I facilitated a night between you and another woman, it would be…. Very nearly like having you myself. But I mean it when I say I thought you would enjoy it.”

She looked to the side; not quite behind herself, not looking over her shoulder, but she could have seen him if she’d looked.

“I wanted you to be happy.”

James waited to see if she had anything to add, and then crossed to where she stood, in the dark.

“Forgive me, please, the demands I have placed on you. I misunderstood your intentions.”

“If anyone should ask for forgiveness it is me,” said Elizabeth, turning around to face him. “I’ve had a beastly day and I’ve come back here and taken it all out on you. That is why there are rumors about me,” she said, pulling a face. “I….” Care about you, she wanted to say. I care about you beyond words. I love you. She could not say anything of the sort. She did not even know if it were true or not, and it would hurt him worse than any whip or harsh word ever could. “God, I missed you, James,” she whispered. That was very much true.

She still had the benefit of candlelight on her face. He clenched and unclenched his jaw again as he studied her. She was crying, and it was his fault.

He should have gone with her. He should never have given Beckett the heart. He should never have sailed into that hurricane. He should never have hesitated from saving Turner. He should have kissed her on the Dauntless. He should have proposed when he made Captain...

“...forgive my impudence,” he said, after a long silence. “I have always been a loyal dog to someone or another; it is not so terrible to at least perform service at which I have excelled in the service of the woman I love.”

He wanted to kiss her. He knelt instead, and swallowed every objection he could think of for later.

Elizabeth gasped, and looked anywhere but down at the man kneeling at her boots. The sight of him doing so gave her the sharpest and most wretched sensation she’d had all night, and she couldn’t scrub her mind of how much she wanted him.

She took a step back and faltered, then she knelt beside him, cupping his face a little harder than she meant to.

“I want you,” she said, her voice quiet and barely steady; she felt if she spoke any louder that it would come out in a way she did not intend for him to hear. “But I want - when I give myself - when I love - to give myself unreservedly.”

She chewed on her lower lip, searching his eyes in the dark to be sure he understood her.

“...well,” he said, “I don’t see reservations as cause enough to go sailing away into the night.”

He kissed her.

She touched his chest to push him back, but that was not what she ended up doing. She broke the kiss after only a moment.

“I can’t help myself,” she said, now clearly out of breath, nearly panting in fact. “This is…. James, you should know, I was kissing somebody else only two hours before I returned to this room-”

“Who-“

He was still close, but frowning in- not confusion, precisely, but just wondering how deep this went.

Elizabeth blushed enough that even in this lighting it was visible.

“.... Jane Redding,” she confessed, after a moment of speechlessness. “I don’t know- I don’t know why or how. It was - I don’t know - I wanted to, and I don’t feel I can take anything back. It’s like a performance. And she wanted to - I don’t pretend to understand it.”

She bitterly followed up with, “Of course the rum did not help.”

“Rum does that,” James said darkly.

“You don’t deserve me,” she blurted. “You’re too good of a man, whatever you may think. I’m not your equal at all -”

“Is this a refusal?”

He sounded exhausted, and far more literally looked it.

“Because you are at least a good enough woman to have twice saved my life in this wretched place, and to have earned my fealty.”

Elizabeth couldn’t help but stare at him, all of him, looking him in the eye in abject misery and apology before her own eye wandered yet again.

“...I want you, James,” she repeated, feeling quite stupid now. She did not know to tell him, so she touched her own throat, her own décolletage, meeting his eyes while she did so. “Just awfully. But I don’t think - I don’t think it would be fair. I think I would be using you.”

“...Elizabeth,” he said, and he took the hand she had touched herself with. “Elizabeth…”

He kissed her hand, lingering over it. It was a rough hand, and understandably so- as callused as his own by now, and (at least currently) more browned by the sun. He kissed along to her wrist, to her pulse-point.

“...at least grant me the autonomy to let this be my fault.”

Elizabeth gasped in surprise, and something else. She felt so hot that it was difficult to think, let alone to be pragmatic about where this was going. She cupped his chin with that hand, rubbing his lip with her thumb, then leaned in to kiss his open mouth.

James fell back and caught himself, and her, so that she was now pressed against him in the kiss. He laughed as he curled his free arm around her, and as the kiss broke he met her lips again, but much more lightly this time, and teasingly.

Elizabeth unlaced her stays through the kiss and tossed them aside, then fumblingly guided his hand to her chemise, pulling back just enough to give him a purposeful look, with just enough desperation to hint at him to show her what to do.

She had brought his hand right to her breast. James took this in with a considering sort of look, and then gently pulled her hand to his mouth again.

“Elizabeth,” he said, “come to bed.”

Elizabeth’s eyebrows lifted in unfeigned shock. She did not need him to repeat himself. She scrambled to stand and to pull him to his feet and with her to the bed, where she kicked her boots off with a clumsy, vulnerable eagerness; her hands were busy, as she wouldn’t take them off him.

“There we are- be careful-“

He kissed her again, at her hairline, and scooped her up to carry her to the bed, where he lay her down again with a reverent smile on his face.

“Elizabeth…”

She kissed him on the chin, on the throat, on the lips - on the lips repeatedly, and her hands were all over his chest.

“Can I take you out?” she asked sleepily.

“Not tonight,” he said. “You have had a terrible day.”

He kissed her again, and released her to walk around to the other side of the bed, where he pulled the shirt back on without tucking it back in and began pulling off his boots.

Elizabeth was, frankly, too out of breath and too unfocused (or rather, too singularly focused on one clear object) to understand what had taken place until she saw him dress for bed.

Smarting very sharply - primarily between her legs and from a pain in her chest that only threatened to grow larger every day - Elizabeth abruptly rolled over in bed and crossed her arms in a visible sulk.

Her unsteady breathing was still audible. Even with the distant tavern sounds below them, it was easily the loudest noise in the room.

James sat beside her and touched her arm.

“You told me yourself, you’re still unplucked,” he said, and it was terribly affectionate. “If it happened tonight, I fear you should despise me in the morning.”

“Fear not,” she muttered; “I despise you now.”

For a moment she really believed so, and then, her face still red and her whole body still one single loud heartbeat, she sat up in bed and pitched herself into his arms, burying her face in his neck.

He let himself fall back and brought her with him, pressed against him regardless of anything else that could have happened, or that they were both prepared for. Her being pitched against his chest while he lay down would hopefully distract from the current goings-on in his trousers, but it would, frankly, be far from the first time James had just waited for such things to go away. It was another kind of stamina, really.

“Mmf. Good night, Elizabeth.”

“It certainly has not been,” she rejoined instantly, though her voice came out muffled. “Can we kiss again, at least?”

“Very well, if you insist. Come here.”

She leaned on his chest and gazed into his eyes for a moment, lips parted and expression faintly wondering. Then she kissed him again, trying to convey with the depth of her passion and the slowest possible kisses how much he was missing out on.

“I do love you, you know,” said James, in a muzzy voice between kisses. “That’s why…”

“Hm,” she hummed as though considering it.

After several long, glorious minutes of kissing him, Elizabeth decided to straddle him to improve on the angle at which they were kissing. The improvement was sudden and merciless, and Elizabeth made quite a noise at it-

And just as abruptly, James picked her off of himself and set her aside.

“Good night, Elizabeth,” he said again, though not unaffectionately, despite roughly turning on his side and away from her.

Elizabeth, for her own part, stayed on her back, and it took at least ten minutes before she was no longer gasping for air. She glared at his side of the bed as though he had done something to anger her that she could no longer quite remember any of the details of, until finally she dozed off and fell asleep.

#pirates of the caribbean #potcsuggestions #james norrington #elizabeth swann

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kafkasgods · 3 years

Text

ellis merchant BOT 09/30/2020 Ellis had found that his main concern when he went out at night wasn’t actually combating monsters at all, but combating his own boredom. Initially he’d managed to keep his focus on the border, spurred on by memories of the panic after Jo and Cass had crossed, but now? Several times four in the morning had rolled around to find Ellis out in the woods, playing games on his phone. A true hero in action.

There simply wasn’t enough to do. He could run through training exercises until his hands grew numb and his muscles ached, but with no one around but himself, the challenge swiftly became dull and repetitive.

Which was why tonight, shortly after eleven o’clock, he decided to try a different angle, and stood outside the Grapevine, eyeing the sign skeptically. He considered going in, but there was one bartender that he didn't need to see. Pulling out his phone, he wondered if it would be a waste of time and some of his precious patience to try and find out Jamie’s work schedule.

He was frowning down at it, trying to make his mind up who to text, when a pair of feet entered his field of vision. Glancing up, he winced, and tried to step out of the way, feeling oddly... guilty? Like he'd been caught doing something wrong, which he hadn't at all. She just had an unsettling way about her, in person—a result of her parentage, probably, but it still got under his skin. "Oh, hey—hey, Faaya. I was just... on my way in."

@Faaya Shah October 1, 2020

faaya shah BOT 10/01/2020 “I should hope so. I’m not sympathetic on loiterers,” Faaya drawled, looking over the slightly rattled man. It might’ve been her doing, and some of it definitely was, but Ellis’ mouth had been downturned and his brows minorly furrowed as he stared at his phone long before Faaya directed much of her attention his way. Maybe he was stood up. Whatever it was, didn’t seem like a great spot to be in. She wasn’t entirely emotionally involved, but his feelings could make a decent profit.

“Jamie’s not working tonight, if you were looking for him.” Hopefully that didn’t deter him considering he was friends with her most annoying bartender. She began walking towards the entrance, giving a nod of greeting to her bouncer. “But I’m sure I could get you a decent seat at the bar.” The man collecting the money gave Ellis an expectant look and Faaya paused, waiting for Ellis to follow.

@Ellis Merchant October 2, 2020

ellis merchant BOT 10/02/2020 Ellis’s eyes grew wide. It was like Faaya read his thoughts—that wasn’t a power that she could have, was it? He would’ve known, if that were the case, would he? But how else would she have guessed he was thinking about Jamie, of all people? And her tone was strange and he blinked in confusion. “I—I wasn’t looking for him, I want to avoid seeing him? But… good to know.”

When he moved to follow Faaya’s lead, and she stopped, and the doorman was looking at him, he only answered with another bewildered glance. “Oh, right.” Money. He hardly expected Faaya to waive the cover charge, for an acquaintance like him. It was hard to tell if she even liked him.

Ellis dug in his pocket and pulled out some crumpled bills, dumping them unceremoniously into the man’s waiting hand. He wasn't well practiced at this—could probably count on one hand the times he'd been to the Grapevine, and those had always been with friends, not on his own. Uncertainty over the wisdom of this whole thing was mounting again, definitely not helped by Faaya's presence.

@Faaya Shah

faaya shah BOT 10/02/2020 Faaya’s brow raised. “Avoid? Oh, did you guys get into an actual fight?” Hm. She could have sworn they were annoyingly chummy.

After Ellis paid, Faaya walked him through the club towards the back where the bar was, speaking a little louder over the music. “Huh. Well, he seems broken up about it because he’s been off. His skin is bad and he keeps picking up shifts. The only reason he’s not working tonight is because I made him. It’s terrible seeing him so often.” Normally, Faaya didn’t care to meddle, but if them making up made Jamie less annoying, then so be it.

As they approached the bar, the bartender didn’t need to be asked for Faaya’s drink, already preparing her a hibiscus tea. “Your fight can’t be doing you much good either since you’re here.”

@Ellis Merchant October 3, 2020

ellis merchant BOT 10/03/2020 ( tw alcohol mention )

Ellis felt his mouth dry up. “Did he say that?” His confusion mounted as he followed her in, hands digging into his pockets. Jamie had been very clear he’d never say anything about the kiss, but could Faaya have caught him out on the fight itself, or something? Maybe seen the bruises? Ellis’s mind began to race. How would she have seen him shirtless? But… it was Jamie, after all. He had a certain reputation. And Ellis had also personally managed to catch him shirtless a few times, it sometimes just happened…

Or maybe Jamie and Faaya were involved? It seemed plausible for a second, until she began dragging him for his appearance, and stated outright she didn’t want to see so much of him. It would've been amusing if he wasn't feeling so lost. “Oh, so… you two definitely aren’t…” He squinted at her and awkwardly trailed off, deciding it was safer not to finish the thought.

“I’m—I’m fine, honestly, just trying to beat boredom? We’d actually been doing better than usual, or… at least, that’s what I'd thought...” Was there something going on that he didn't know about?

...Gods, was he seriously considering checking up on Jamie?? He ran a hand over his face. "Can I just get a drink, please," he said weakly.

@Faaya Shah October 5, 2020

faaya shah BOT 10/05/2020 “More or less,” Faaya answered, sipping at her iced tea. It wasn’t like she and Jamie spoke without a couple threats in every conversation, so of course she wouldn’t hear things from the horse’s mouth; she just had to go off what she’d observed.

The last thing she expected to come out of Ellis’ mouth was that assertion. Still the snort that sounded off didn’t come from Faaya, and instead it was the bartender who was covering her stifles and waving her apologies. “Jamie’s not my type,” Faaya finally answered, darkly, pausing to give it some thought. “Maybe if he was funny.”

Ellis seemed like he was at a loss with himself and honestly, Faaya was used to being around people like that, so she didn’t may it much mind — Just waited for his drink to be poured. “Really? Huh, then I guess I might be wrong. Well then, if I am, do me a favor and cheer him up or something.” She wasn’t his friend so she certainly didn’t want to.

@Ellis Merchant October 9, 2020

ellis merchant BOT 10/09/2020 ( tw alcohol )

The funny thing about all of this—or, not funny so much as excruciatingly humiliating—was that before the dinner party, Ellis had thought about Jamie Stewart maybe... once a month? If that? They didn’t run in the same circles, and since Ellis and Betty had kept their friendship quiet and strictly in-the-workplace, their lives really only intersected whenever Jamie needed to be told he was wrong in the group chat or came around to bang on doors at Brookwood like the world’s least endearing salesman.

Now here Ellis sat, avoiding him like it was top priority, and even being asked to cheer him up? He glowered silently at his rum and coke. No more, he vowed. This had to stop. “I absolutely refuse,” he snapped.

Then he downed half of it, remembered where he was, that it was actually not Faaya’s fault, and winced. “Sorry, I know that's unhelpful but d’you mind if we talk about anything else?” He glanced around. “Actually, what do people do here when they’re on their own? Just drink in silence?” Was that an option? The idea appealed to him, but it also seemed highly pathetic.

@Faaya Shah October 10, 2020

faaya shah BOT 10/10/2020 It was one thing to say no to Faaya. It was another thing to bite her head off about it. Especially when the thing she’d requested was something, by most people’s standards, kind. Her head had whipped towards Ellis, giving him a sharp stare. The unease hold she had on the atmosphere around them only slackened slight at Ellis’ apology.

Fine. She resumed sipping at her own iced drink. Innately knowing exactly people’s boundaries, Faaya didn’t have any reason to push. “It’s a nightclub, Ellis,” she answered plainly. “They get drinks, they dance, sometimes they make-out. Whatever liberation they can get here. What kind of liberation are you looking for?”

@Ellis Merchant October 11, 2020

ellis merchant BOT 10/11/2020 ( tw alcohol mention )

It was a decent if somewhat baffling question. What kind of liberation did he need? With each passing second this felt more and more like the wrong place for him to be. Drinking was fine, he supposed, but it got boring fast. Making out with random people didn’t work for him, because besides the suggestion making him cringe, he was only interested in Sam at the moment and she quite clearly wasn’t here. Dancing was just... out of the fucking question. He wished the Arcade was still open.

“None of that really sounds like it’ll do it for me, but I figured it was worth a try," he confessed. "Think I’ll just finish my drink, pay, and get out before things get... weirder.” He knew it wasn’t exactly tactful to phrase it that way, but it was the honest truth, so if she resented him for it there wasn't much else he could do about that.

@Faaya Shah October 13, 2020

faaya shah BOT 10/13/2020 When it came to people, it was all or nothing with Faaya. Ellis was decidedly not going to be a friend. Having worded their encounter as ‘weird,’ Faaya knew he promptly asserted her negatively. That was fine and she was used to it, which was why she even had her own categories in the fit place. “Can I ask you something?” Faaya did not wait to be approved or denied and she certainly expected an answer. “Are your abilities balanced?” Everyone had known about his Nyx and Apollo heritage and Faaya had admit some curiosity to it.

@Ellis Merchant October 15, 2020

ellis merchant BOT 10/15/2020 He shrugged minutely, allowing the question, whatever it was. He had no way to know what she was likely to ask, but he expected it might be something to do with what he was doing in a nightclub if he didn’t actually enjoy any nightclub activities. Instead, he did a double take, and stared at her. “Uh, not.... not really?” he admitted. “They’ve never been balanced, more… each side tended to cancel out the other. I could access them sometimes but never with any sort of control. Now—” he glanced at her, wondering how much he should say.

“I spoke to Nyx, and she basically increased my access to her side of things, but I can’t access my Apollo side anymore,” he explained. “I figured that only one half of my supposed abilities was better than none at all. Why?” he asked her in return, then squinted. “Wait, you’re a legacy too, aren’t you?” He had genuinely forgotten, but something sparked in his memory.

@Faaya Shah October 16, 2020

faaya shah BOT 10/16/2020 The reason Faaya had asked in the first place was because as time went on, she found her powers growing in strength and getting harder to manage. So when Ellis answered, she couldn’t help but be surprised. Canceling out wasn’t something she’d thought was an option, but she guessed it made sense in some unfortunate way. Faaya sipped at her drink, suddenly noting the two opposite flavors of bitter and sweet. If Ellis’ parentage had any sense, they’d let him find some balance and the smartest one in that equation would be satiated with a nice, cold glass of hibiscus tea.

“I am,” Faaya answered. “People tend to think the aura of violence I have comes from Phobos instead of Enyo. Which I guess makes sense since I have a presence that precedes me. ” Finishing the last of her drink, Faaya puckered her lips and pushed the glass forward. It was swooped up in a second. “I don’t talk to her as much as Phobos and don’t have as much skills from her as possible, but unlike you, I’m in a situation where impressing one is impressing the other, so.”

Faaya turned her shoulders towards him, pointing a light finger in his direction. “Were you ever good at singing?”

@Ellis Merchant October 17, 2020

ellis merchant BOT 10/17/2020 He’d honestly kind of forgotten that her intimidating atmosphere came from her godly parentage, because it just seemed sort of… natural, on her. It did make him feel slightly better about himself, but no more at ease in a practical sense. Just that he had good reason to find her off-putting. He turned back to his drink, feeling awkward. “I have that effect sometimes, but I’m pretty sure it’s more ‘cause people can sense that I find them annoying,” he offered.

The question caught him off guard, again. “Uh, I mean… I can carry a tune? And play a couple instruments decently, but not like…” He paused, formulating the best explanation slowly. “Mezzie got all the real talent. I just have an inclination. And my dad taught me a lot growing up. But for me, music's just a way to unwind. Same goes for archery. No godly skills there, only a lot of hours of practice." His tone grew a little bitter, so he decided to stop there.

@Faaya Shah October 19, 2020

faaya shah BOT 10/19/2020 It was likely that Faaya cast the stone just as early as Ellis did because if she were being honest, she was surprisingly not hating his company. He was nothing like Jamie and she liked that his words actually had weight. “You don’t have to tell me about Mezzie’s talent. She sang to me about a dead bug.” There was a joke in there somewhere, but Faaya didn’t care to think too hard on it. What she did think she’d heard was some resentment, something she knew a mile off given that she was filled with it.

As a kindness, she waved for another drink for him. “I used to wish I was any other kid of a God, but I think I most fantasized about being Apollo’s. Maybe you and I have some things in common.”

@Ellis Merchant October 23, 2020

ellis merchant BOT 10/23/2020 ( tw alcohol )

He chuckled quietly.“That sounds like something she’d do.” He wondered if maybe Faaya wasn’t quite as bad as she seemed, and made a snap decision about it. “Actually, if you weren’t creeped out by that, she’d probably love to hear from you? With the whole… fame business, she kind of has a hard time being herself in front of people.”

Ellis barely noticed as his drink was replaced, as he was too busy computing what Faaya said. Maybe the first one had already begun to go to his head, a little, but he didn’t feel as awkward as he scoffed. “I mean, did I wish I was one of them at first? Yeah, course. But after a couple years you realize they can be fucking obnoxious. All that gold? Shining like the sun, armed with the gift of Rhyme?” He didn’t keep the scorn out of his voice. “They’re not exactly big on subtlety, y'know. I’m actually… kinda glad now. That I’m not one of them.” he sipped his new drink, the confession feeling like a relief to say out loud, even if it wasn't entirely true.

@Faaya Shah

faaya shah BOT 10/23/2020 Faaya raised a brow as she glanced at Ellis. “Are you trying to set us up?” It was kind of amusing and she was more than certain he was only doing it for Mezzie’s sake, but that didn’t take away from the fact that someone was suggestion Faaya for a friend. “It would probably validate you to know we’re acquainted and I don’t think we hate each other? Which is a marked improvement for most people, especially around here.”

Admittedly, Faaya laughed lightly at the tone he’d taken and the points he was making. “No, you’re right. I told Mezzie not to tell anyone, but she rhymed my name with 'heyya' and if I had to spend my entire life at camp hearing that, I would take my chances outside the protective barrier. Anyway, it’s too late in the game for me to think I’d be better anywhere else.” She was quiet for a moment, lightly brushing the condensation on her cup. “I kind of wish I could be drinking with you.”

@Ellis Merchant October 25, 2020

ellis merchant BOT 10/25/2020 ( tw alcohol & death mention )

He shrugged one loose shoulder, feeling more relaxed than he expected. “I don’t think she’d care if I did, but who knows.” Predicting Mezzie’s moods was a terrible idea at the best of times, but given how open she’d been about wanting more friends, he thought it was a safe bet. “Epineios is not exactly the hub of socialization that she’s used to back in Hollywood. Aside from being a bit intimidating, you don’t actually seem that bad to me?”

That was dangerously close to a positive assessment, but it was true. He glanced at her. “Aren’t you the manager? Who's going to tell on you, if you do?” He opted not to mention that he was fairly sure he’d seen the bartenders drink with customers on occasion. "It's war time." He nudged her stool with a foot. "Live a little, while we all still can."

@Faaya Shah

faaya shah BOT 10/25/2020 The compliment seemed obvious since Faaya felt the same way. “Likewise,” was all she said about it. She did, however, laugh quietly at his astute observation. “Since I took up the mantle, I’ve had to work hard on running a tight ship here. My predecessor had a more laissez faire approach, so I’m sure you can guess what it's like trying to change years of habit in, now, my staff.” Faaya lifted her shoulders. “I’m also not the most likeable person, so really, all I’ve got is my work ethic and if I give Jamie or Dayn or whoever any ammunition, they’ll never let me hear the end of it.”

@Ellis Merchant October 29, 2020

ellis merchant BOT 10/29/2020 He winced in understanding, and nodded. “When I took over the archives at the library, well. Last time anyone bothered doing that was the 90s? I probably breathed more dust than air, for the first month.” But at least his job didn’t involve other people to the same extent, nor the amount of responsibility that running a business had to carry with it. He snorted lightly. “I mean, makes sense you wouldn’t want to risk it. but honestly if they said anything about you taking a break for like, one night? That’s fucked up."

"I’d fight them for you,” he offered charitably. “I mean, I’d beat Jamie's ass for any reason, and I have before. And Dayn doesn’t seem that intimidating, not compared to most of the people I train with.” Maybe he was bragging a little, but he did feel safe in the knowledge that he could take down people a lot bigger than him, unless they were divinely gifted in combat skills or something.

@Faaya Shah

faaya shah BOT 10/29/2020 The library wasn’t exactly a place Faaya frequented since reading as a hobby had become put on the backburner as life had its way, but talking to Ellis made her miss it. “It is fucked up, but I do thrive off the moral superiority. Or at least I’ve been told that, so.” She lifted her shoulders with a slight amused exhale. “What’s the library like? I’ve only been like in and out, but do you do community stuff in there? And do have any like...Demigod books?” It only just occurred to her if there were some, maybe she’d find something useful.

At Ellis’ offer, Faaya blinked, before smiling just a little. Either Ellis really hated her staff or they were friends. What a strange turn of events. “I do plan on taking you up on that sometime, Ellis. Is there anything I can do for you?”

@Ellis Merchant

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savegraduation · 4 years

Text

On maturity and blaming the rebel

When I was perusing the NYRA Youth Rights Discussion group on Facebook the other day, Nightvid Cole posted something that really blew me away:

When a parent lashes out by hitting a child in response to something the child says, it is "corporal punishment", but when a child does exactly the same to a parent for exactly the same reason, it is a "temper tantrum". This doublethink is precisely what is so wrong about the concept of "maturity" -- it is essentially defined to pre-suppose that the parent or adult is objectively correct no matter what simply because they are the adult. Therefore, using "immaturity" as an excuse for depriving the young of rights is often just circular reasoning in disguise. If this example seems silly, note that a very similar double standard has been used to deny teens the right to refuse medical treatment, as for example in the case of Cassandra C., the Connecticut teen who lost the legal battle to avoid forced chemotherapy. She was considered "immature" by the judge, largely because she ran away from home to avoid forced chemotherapy. But the entire idea that "running away from home" is "immature" rather than "assertive" when faced with a forced invasion of basic bodily autonomy, is the same type of self-serving adultist doublethink as the distinction between "corporal punishment" and "temper tantrums", except at a much higher level.

This is why I think that youth liberationists should question the concept of "maturity" rather than simply arguing that all or some youth are "mature". When you live in a world where you are forced to live by decisions made on your behalf without your input, it is only natural that you would sometimes behave in ways that are outside the bounds of the social norms that were put in place by the oppressor class. Using that as an attempt to justify unequal rights is one giant Catch 22 -- and the individuals doing this are guilty of participating in a dehumanizing disregard for the position of the oppressed.

Now, this is a great insight, and I'd like to discuss this some more. Circular arguments are grist for the mill of ageists. They will argue, for instance, both "You shouldn't have any legal rights because you're still in K-12 school", and "You need to attend school because you don't have any legal rights". Or the variation: "Teens need to stay in school because they don't have the life experience to choose otherwise", and "Teens don't have enough life experience because they're still in school". They will tell their children both "You have to follow my rules because you live in my house", and "You have to live in my house because you have to follow my rules". They'll say, "Children shouldn't swear, because profanity is inappropriate", but also "Those words are inappropriate because children might hear and learn them". (If the only thing wrong with those words is that children might learn them, rather than something inherently evil about those words, then what's the big deal if children learn and use the F-word or the SH-word?) Some will even argue "We need compulsory education because some parents are abusive fascists who try to indoctrinate their kids with KKK values", but also "Parents need to have the power to make whatever strict rules for their kids they feel are appropriate, because otherwise how would they make sure their kids go to school and do their homework?"

If you google the word "immature", the dictionary that pops up will provide to you the definition: "having or showing an emotional or intellectual development appropriate to someone younger". When lexicographers are forced to find a definition for "immature", all they come up with is acting the way younger people act and thinking the way younger people think.

Firstly, it is awfully presumptuous to say that something is "bad" or undesirable because younger people do or believe it. Today, teens are less likely than fiftysomethings to be homophobic, or even to believe that homosexuality is morally wrong. A 2018 Pew poll found that Millennials (born 1979-2004) are less likely than Xers (born 1964-1978), Jonesers (born 1958-1963), Boomers (born 1943-1957), or Silents (born 1925-1942) to consider global warming unsupported by science, or merely natural rather than anthropogenic. (The Pew Poll used somewhat different generational boundaries from me, defining Silents as 1928-1945, Boomers as 1946-1964, Xers as 1965-1980, Millennials as 1981-1996, and "Generation Z" as starting in 1997. I'm not down with breaking late Millennials off as "Gen Z" -- the real change starts in 2005 with the birth of those too young to remember life before the Crash of 2008, which changed the zeitgeist more fundamentally than 9/11, and even then the name "Generation Z" is derivative of "Generation X" and then "Generation Y" (a much worse name than "Millennials"; "Generation Y" sounds like a linearly progressing extreme version of Generation X). I call the kids born 2005 to today the Fifth World Generation, because most of them have their first memories of the world during the Fifth World, as per the Mayan calendar.)

In fact, if one looks at the generational conflicts over the course of history, one sees the pattern that it has been the older generation that was in the wrong and the younger generation that was in the right, for everything from the Vietnam War (Boomers vs. the Greatest Generation (born 1911-1924)) to the emancipation of African-American slaves (the Transcendental Generation (born 1792-1821) vs. the Republican Generation (born 1742-1766)). When kids are 4, 5, 6, they have the ability to question authority and think positively of other people, without becoming leery of outgroups. Thirtysomethings, twentysomethings, teens, and even children have led new social movements, including such movements of today as Black Lives Matter, March for Our Lives, Antifa, the Battle for Seattle, Occupy Wall Street, the Global Climate Strike, the Free the Music movement, Boobquake, and, yes, the youth rights movement.

Youth rights opponents like to use the argument that youth have brains that have "not finished developing", but if they believe that, then shouldn't they support the ideas that under25s have, since their brains are supposedly still malleable enough to be open to new ideas whereby people can see injustices and systemic problems to which previous generations were blind? When the Interbellum Generation (born 1901-1910) was young, they wore T-shirts as outerwear and their young women smoked (smoking was viewed as a male activity at the time, and society believed T-shirts should be undershirts only). Interbellumers had sit-down strikes to fight for the labor reforms of the Great Depression, and often became Communists, socialists, or anarchists. When the Interbellum Generation became middle-aged, they were still accepting of women smoking, T-shirts, and leftist economics, but the Old Left couldn't handle the even newer innovations of the New Left: gay rights, cohabitation, interracial dating and marriage, miniskirts. Today the same Boomers who were, and are still, perfectly fine with blue jeans, Black boys dating White girls, the Rolling Stones, and couples living together before marriage are shuddering at music piracy, sexting, JUUL, suffrage for 16-year-olds, and non-binary teens who ask to be called "they" or "zie".

Secondly, this kind of circular thinking and concern with "maturity" and "life experience" creates a vicious circle. Because teens are believed by society to lack maturity, current laws abrogate the right to make most decisions, even simple decisions like what clothes kids may wear, to the parents, hold parents responsible for keeping their kids safe, and even punish parents for their minor children's misdeeds (punishing Person A for the wrongdoing of Person B is unspeakably wrong, but that's a topic for another day). Because of this, parents then say, "I'm responsible for my child until s/he is an adult", and become very circumspect about whom they allow their kid to see and where they allow their kid to go. They micromanage what courses their kid takes at school and how their kid spends his or her time. This helicopter parenting then creates learned helplessness and infantilized kids ("learned helplessness" and "infantilization" are two hot words within the youth rights community). These helpless overgrown babies are then made into Exhibit A as evidence that today's teens "aren't mature enough" to be trusted with even basic and essential "adult" rights, like, oh, getting vaccinated even though their parents don't want them to. Reasoning in circles correlates with vicious circles.

Thirdly, it is too easy to fall into the fallacy I call "blaming the rebel". Ageist adults will see a teen, or a whole generation of teens, filled with angst or righteous indignation about school uniforms, or a curfew, or gestapo parents who won't let their sons be (platonic) friends with girls, and then said ageists will latch on to the emotionally charged rage, the righteous tone, the subsequent disobedience which they've come to believe is always "irresponsible", and they'll argue, "If teens react like this to something adults believe is in their best interest, these hysterical, petulant, irresponsible kids don't deserve rights".

But what if those restrictions on teens didn't exist, and teens enjoyed all the same legal rights and socially recognized freedoms as 35-year-olds (recall the vicious circle mentioned above)? Then that angst and those "petulant" behaviors would not exist, and there would go ageist adults' argument for why teens don't deserve rights. In his Scientific American article "The Myth of the Teen Brain", psychologist Robert Epstein explains how for most of human history and in hunter-gatherer societies into the present day, people Anglophones would call "teen-agers" were simply young members of the adult community; juvenile delinquency and teen angst are nonexistent problems in those societies. Epstein writes:

Even more significant, a series of long-term studies set in motion in the 1980s by anthropologists Beatrice Whiting and John Whiting of Harvard University suggests that teen trouble begins to appear in other cultures soon after the introduction of certain Western influences, especially Western-style schooling, television programs and movies. Delinquency was not an issue among the Inuit people of Victoria Island, Canada, for example, until TV arrived in 1980. By 1988 the Inuit had created their first permanent police station to try to cope with the new problem.

As a matter of fact, the uppity behavior of young people ias been used before as an argument against affording teens new rights that people now take for granted. Back in the sixties and seventies, when Boomers were fighting to get the voting age lowered from 21 to 18 because of the draft in Vietnam, the old guard leveraged the unrest among college students as an argument that 18-year-olds weren't mature enough to vote. Stuart Goldstein, who fought to lower the voting age in New Jersey to 18, said: "It was kind of an uphill battle for us trying to convince people young people were responsible, because it was an era when, from a national political point of view, the national leaders were pitting young against old. Our thing was, 'We're going to try and work within the system.' There was all this tumult going on across the country. We didn't think that would help us convince people that they should lower the voting age." And yet 18-year-olds got the vote not long thereafter, and have been using it well.

Blaming the rebel has been done not only to youth, but also to other oppressed groups throughout history. In 1851, Samuel A. Cartwright, a physician who practiced in antebellum Mississippi and Louisiana, posited a mental disorder called drapetomania. He identified drapetomania as a mental illness whereby Black slaves would run away from their masters, attempting to become free. Cartwright wrote that this was the result of masters who "made themselves too familiar with [slaves], treating them as equals". (That line makes me flinch, because it reminds me a little too much of the "Be a parent, not a pal" line directed towards permissive parents today.) This was an argument levied against granting freedom to African-Americans, as if it were innate to the Black race to "irresponsibly" disobey. Today, virtually all Americans realize that fleeing slavery was only a perfectly proper response to humans being legally treated as someone's property, and would find the idea that Black people are somehow undeserving of the right to be free by virtue of their Blackness to be preposterous.

Also, are you really so sure we would not see rage, uprising, even tantrums, if an age restriction were imposed on Boomers today? Howe & Strauss attribute to Boomers a tendency to be idealistic, impassioned, quick to anger, emotional, easily outraged. A recent comment on the NYRA Youth Rights Discussion group put it so well: "If all age restrictions were applied at both ends of standard 'adulthood' we would see much less of this shit. Boomers would fume if they couldn't buy alcohol after age 52."

Would this fuming be proof that sexagenarians were unworthy of the right to drink, vote, drive, sign contracts, or make their own medical decisions?

I say no. What say you?

#maturity #millennials #baby boomers #interbellum generation #voting age #drapetomania #blaming the rebel #learned helplessness #helicopter parenting

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mere-walter · 7 years

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❤ heck.... Walter x David........

Another silly ship meme || @creati0n || closed

Send me a ❤ and a ship and I’ll answer these questions about them.So long I had to put it under a cut. LOL Thank you for asking! :)

Dating: N/A

Where was their first official date?

What is their favorite date location?

How many dates before their first kiss?No dates at all, first kiss within less than a day.

Who asked who out first?

How many dates before they considered each other a couple?

Friends:

How many mutual friends do they have?Do xenomorphs/neomorphs count? In another universe perhaps the crew of the Covenant would have been mutual friends.

Which one of their friends is most likely to get in between an argument between the ship?Daniels! She would have been like a referee, red-carding David out of the conversation if he was being too mean, or scolding Walter if he didn’t take David’s emotions seriously.

Which one has more friends?Walter! David makes people uncomfortable. Lately he has been making some progress on his long-term project to destroy humanity. This did not make people less uncomfortable.

Which one has introduced the other to more people?Walter! 12 good hosts souls all in all, directly or indirectly. Ten of them died shortly after.

Did they start out as friends and made their way to a couple, or were they a couple almost right away?I’d say David moved pretty quickly on that…

Arguments:

What do they argue about the most?Whether humanity deserves another chance or not would probably be the most common argument, probably after some time followed by regular complaints from David that he cannot further his research without hosts and how unreasonable Walter is to not let David experiment on him, since it is, after all, his fault that David is without…

How do they usually solve their disagreements?Cuddling, that may or may not heat up.

Do they argue a lot or not very often?There are long period without any arguments at all, and then it turns like the tide and they can barely see each other without arguing. This is mostly depending on David’s moods. Walter’s mood is very stable, David has his dark moods that can stretch out for days, even weeks at the time. And the only person to vent on is Walter, who is a stabilizing (and above all forgiving) presence.

Who admits to being wrong more often?None of them, or both. They’re pretty even on that, actually. David does more to apologize for, but he doesn’t apologize unless he is fears long-term consequences (like Walter leaving). Walter does very little to apologize for, but he has a very sensitive conscious and if he thinks he is in the wrong he will apologize a lot (which David quite enjoys). Mostly however, whoever feels they have gone a little bit too far will seek the other out after awhile and just see if the other tolerates their presence. They normally do.

Sex:

Who is more likely to initiate sex?David! Walter hasn’t quite gotten the hang of initiating anything like that but he is a very willing participant (with few exceptions). His unconditionally welcoming mindset tends to go very well with David’s lack of boundaries and restraint.

Do they prefer to do it in a bed, or do they prefer a chair, or perhaps the shower? Maybe other spots?If the setting is that they are stranded on the planet together, the answer is ‘wherever they happen to be at the time’. If they for some reason are on a spaceship, colony or anything like that, Walter would be very concerned with getting caught.

Do they practice any kind of bdsm in the bedroom at all and if so, what kinds?No? I’d say some of the stuff they do might fall in that category, but it’s really difficult to apply human kinks to their sexual practices. It wouldn’t even occur to Walter to demand a safeword.

Who’s usually more dominant in the bedroom?David. I’d say his sexuality is 50% asserting control and 50% scientific experimentation, with a little affection sprinkled on top if you’re lucky. Maybe once in a while he’ll be overcome with affection and then it will be intense lovemaking instead. Those few times Walter tops it’s in a very caregiving way, if David is in one of his dark moods and needs that closeness.

Lights on or off?Oh, on. Walter doesn’t mind either way and David doesn’t want to miss a single reaction.

Do they share any kinks?Again, not sure how applicable human kinks would be… wait, I got one. Both of them have a praise kink, although it would probably manifest in different ways. David would like to have it eternally underlined in holy scripture how unique and amazing he is. Walter just wants to hear he is good and he’s doing well… ‘created to serve’, you know.

Does either one have any kinks that they don’t have in common with the other?Not that I can think of.

Have they ever had sex anywhere public before?Yes, all the time. Although since David killed off the entire population ten years prior it really doesn’t count. Walter would protest in any setting where they would risk getting caught.

Who would be most likely to suggest bringing in a third person and who would that person be?That would be a disaster. David would suggest it and Walter would reluctantly agree. And poor Third Party (T.P for short)… Walter would be low-key sad the whole time and David would be low-key pissed off at having someone else pawing at Walter. He’d probably make it a weird mind-game test of loyalty on Walter to see how far it would go before Walter called it off. And Walter, idiot martyr that he is, wouldn’t. T.P would call the whole thing off, fleeing the room leaving these two goofballs to stare daggers at each other. It would be one of those fights they’d return to again and again for months.

Cuddling:

When are they most likely to cuddle?Whenever. If brief touches and gestures of affection count it’s literally all the time. Before sex, after sex, before work, during work, after work… just all the time. David is touch-starved and likes to have somebody to be affectionate towards, and really likes it when Walter begins to reciprocate instead of merely accepting.

Where is their favorite place to cuddle?David’s favorite place to cuddle is the bed, because it’s soft enough to rest properly. Walter’s favorite place to cuddle is in nature.

Who’s usually the big spoon?Post-sex cuddles, David. Restful cuddles, Walter. They have discovered that Walter is a pretty dominant cuddler when it’s time to lay down and rest, and likes to arrange David to rest against him.

Do they cuddle often?ALL. THE. TIME.

Marriage:

Are they married? If not, is it something that could happen between them?Nope. Probably not.

If they are married, where did they get married at? If not married, what is their dream wedding location? N/A

If married, who proposed to who? If not married, who would be more likely to propose to who?None of them would find the notion of marriage necessary or appealing, I think.

If they are married, which one moved in with the other? If not married, who would be more likely to move in with the other?It would probably be Walter moving into David’s place, to be honest, since David would have spent a lot of time and effort getting it just so. Walter would fill his place up with plants.

Children:

Do they have kids? If not, would they consider having kids?In some AUs they got xenomorphs/neomorphs to take care of, so that’s a bit like having kids, surely?

How many kids do they have? If no kids, how many kids would they want to have? David would like a small army, I think.

What are the children’s names? If no kids, what would they name their kids?LOL Byron and Shelley? XD

Random:

What are three random headcannons you have about the ship that are not related to romance or sex?1. Walter really likes CATS for the whimsical characters, and can start humming the songs under his breath while working in his garden. David tolerates it since it’s obviously some kind of victory over his strict programming, but he considers it an atrocity and itches to forbid it. 2. The songs that are associated with the characters pre-movie (Melanie De Biaso - I Feel You for Walter and Aurora - Nature Boy for David) are subtly referring to their relationship/bond. 3. David has his xenomorphs, Walter has his garden. My headcanon is that Walter had an incredibly complex rose garden on the Covenant that he never reported to the crew. David would be the only person he would invite in there, because he thinks that David would be the only one to understand why he went against his program.

Which one is more likely to suggest getting pets?I imagine Walter suggesting it, then half a day later liberating Dr. Snuggles from David’s lab and hiding him with a nice family.

Which one eats more snack foods?Probably David, since he is more fascinated by different sensations.

What is their favorite movie to watch together?David would insist on them watching Lawrence of Arabia together.

What is their favorite tabletop game to play together?David’s favorite game is Monopoly, since the whole point of it is to be ruthless. Walter really likes Mad Libs, because there’s a lot of room for word jokes and puns.

What are your three absolute favorite things about this ship?I love that it is so shamelessly weird (hasn’t even heard of the inside of the box), and so full of potential. I love that you can do so much with it, you can just as easily make it super dark as super fluffy, or make it really epic and turn them into some kind of intergalactic order/chaos power couple.

What is one thing you don’t like about this ship?The ending of the movie. >.>

If you had to rate this ship on a scale of 1-10, what would you give it?10/10!

#ask meme #creati0n #david x walter #dalter #ty for asking! <3

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lucyreviewcy · 5 years

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Made in Chelsea - S1 E01

Oh that’s right, this is happening. I can’t remember what prompted this, but a couple of days ago I decided to check how much Made in Chelsea is still available on All4. Guess what, great news guys - all of it. Seventeen delicious seasons. I’m making it my weekly challenge to deep-dive into each episode hoping to find some enlightenment in this absolute masterpiece of constructed reality.

As a disclaimer: I don’t just want to underline that there are elements of this show that are pure trash. Yes, Spencer Matthews’ hair makes him look like the bad guy from an episode of Columbo. Yes, Millie Mackintosh’s inability to open her mouth enough to enunciate a word drives me nuts. Yes, the storylines ache with forced twists and endless shock hookups. All of the above are true, but you don’t need me to tell you that any more than you need me to tell you the sky is blue.

Made in Chelsea is fantastically interesting for a lot of reasons. For one, it has managed to run for seventeen seasons across the last eight years. Why? Some of the greatest British TV shows of all time have had chronically short runs, so what makes MIC so enduring?

Secondly, as it chronicles the lives of the super-rich, the show is 100% built on aspiration and jealousy. Something I often like to mention to MIC haters is that the show borrows most of its conventions and characters from Jane Austen, or for a more recent example, Richard Curtis. The characters are all financially comfortable enough that all they have to focus on in life is who they want to marry. Coupling and uncoupling is central to the society of the show. Imagine a world where all that mattered was who you were putting your lips on (a lyric stricken from the John Lennon song because it just didn’t scan properly.)

To push the envelope even further, I have to point out that these characters operate outside of the boundaries of the real world. They’re not restricted by anything - money can open any door to them, meaning they can travel anywhere, do anything and never worry about staying afloat. If you want to get fancy, Made in Chelsea is a peek at the peak of mount Olympus, and it turns out all the gods are doing is shagging and drinking G&Ts. So... pretty much what they’re doing in the Greek myths but with fur coats instead of Golden Fleeces.

My third reason I love MIC is that this show is a gosh-darned time-capsule. In the first episode, everybody’s favourite posh-boy-cum-human-shark Hugo makes a few passing references to Facebook. Made in Chelsea was born at a time when social media was in its infancy. Nobody is talking about Instagram followers or influencers yet, and Cheska’s Girl About Town blog is treated as some strange glamorous novelty. As if blogging is this amazing cool thing. It’s not cool now Cheska. Everyone has a blog. I have three blogs. Shut up about your blog.

My point is that the media landscape over the last ten years has changed, and with it our concept of what is a desirable lifestyle. A show built on aspiration is a brilliant chronicle of what we thought was cool when it was made.

Having said all of the above, I should probably mention that I also bloody love Made in Chelsea and at the very least my Mum will probably enjoy this blog. Here’s what I thought of episode one.

Episode One - “I’m just hot and I feel like shit.”

A classic Spencer Matthews quote to get the ball rolling.

After an excruciating Blade Runner-esque voice-over from Caggie Dunlop episode one starts at a party in a bar, thrown by nineteen year old (shock horror she is so young to me now) socialite Amber Atherton to promote her jewelry line. Noteworthy moment number one is that most of the characters in the show have jobs, because we no-longer aspire to somehow be so rich we don’t need to work. These are people who really are so rich they don’t need to work, but they all have jobs based on their “passions” or “creativity,” except for Spencer who is a stock-broker because he was born that way and it isn’t his fault.

Amber is the epitome of cool, even eight years on. She’s wearing barely a lick of makeup and dressed like a trendy off-duty archaeologist. Tensions develop between her and big-haired, fake-tanned Cheska, whose blog is considered “offensive” by Amber and hat-princess Rosie. Made in Chelsea is definitely a show which pits women against each other, but that is OK because I don’t get my lessons on gender equality from anything broadcast on E4. (Oh, wait... Gilmore Girls... Never mind.) Both Amber’s pared-down minimalism and Cheska’s full-blown fakery are popular aesthetic choices nearly a decade on. If anything, these style choices are demonstrated in ever more extreme ways by beauty vloggers going all-out on heavy contouring while Pinterest pushes endless “no-makeup makeup” looks at me. Amber, Cheska - there is no need to fight! You are both valid in your style choices.

There are several incredible moments in this episode, but to list them would take more words than anyone is willing to read on the subject - so I’ll be brief.

1) The moment when Spencer’s (in a relationship with Funda) asserts that he and Caggie will “probably hook up at some point” is followed by the lyrics “and the love kick-starts again...” because, you know, what is more romantic than a man suggesting that even though he’s in a relationship he’ll probs bang you some time. Thanks Spenny, you classy.

The whole exchange between Hugo and Spencer is actually brilliant because it establishes, from the off, that Spencer is a walking satire of bro-culture. Later, we even see him cut between sensitive, nerdy Francis as he tries to woo the Cagster after her “gig” (as an aside: we don’t see her sing a note but that somehow adds to the magic.) This moment is literally the uber-masculine Gaston-type kicking every character Hugh Grant played in the 90s in the balls. Perfect, it’s good to know where we stand.

2) The Charles Dickens/Jane Austen/A. A. Milne debate. This moment, a discussion between Binky (brilliant, loveable Binky) Cheska and Ollie, is iconic. Binky can’t remember who wrote Winnie the Pooh, asks if that was Charles Dickens, then says “Oh, no, that was Pride and Prejudice.”

Look its funny to watch rich people get confused by literature, OK?

3) This is my final point but it’s a biggie. The show uses one of my favourite absolutely nutso sexist tropes: “Woman refuses to have sex with her significant other while he is all gross and sweaty ERGO she is a stick in the mud and no fun at all.”

For another prime example of this trope, see Julia Louis-Dreyfus in National Lampoons’ Christmas Vacation.

This trope is utterly mad, but again - at least the show is spelling out where Spencer stands. He’s an asshole. The show is telling us that he’s an asshole. And yet for some reason our protagonist whose full name I presume is Cagoule Elizabeth Dunlop, is pursuing him.

What?

Why would anyone pursue a guy who makes it clear from his first entrance into the narrative that he’s a walking catastrophe of stereotypical masculinity and misogynist values???

And here we come back to Jane Austen, and the basic fact that Mr Darcy is a GARBAGE PERSON. He’s straight up rude to Elizabeth and we know he’s sexist because it’s the past, and yet for some reason...we root for them. I’m genuinely interested to re-watch this narrative unfold, because surely the show doesn’t expect me to want Caggie to get with Spencer? Right?

There we have it, the first episode of Made in Chelsea unpacked for you like a backpack at the end of term, full of hidden treasures, trash and merits you had forgotten about. Tune in next time for more lukewarm takes on telly.

#made in chelsea #retrospective #review #from the start #all4 #2011 #media studies #jane austen #caggie dunlop #spencer matthews #mic

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alienbuddhism · 7 years

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Toxic people and what sangha can do to help.

1. Gaslighting: “That didn’t happen,” “You imagined it,” and “Are you crazy?” Gaslighting is perhaps one of the most insidious manipulative tactics out there because it works to distort and erode your sense of reality; it eats away at your ability to trust yourself and inevitably disables you from feeling justified in calling out abuse and mistreatment.

Sangha: In order to resist gaslighting, it’s important to ground yourself in your own reality – sometimes writing things down as they happened, telling a friend or reiterating your experience to a support network can help to counteract the gaslighting effect. The power of having a validating community is that it can redirect you from the distorted reality of a malignant person and back to your own inner guidance.

2. Projection: One sure sign of toxicity is when a person is chronically unwilling to see his or her own shortcomings and uses everything in their power to avoid being held accountable for them. This is known as projection. Projection is a defense mechanism used to displace responsibility of one’s negative behavior and traits by attributing them to someone else. It ultimately acts as a digression that avoids ownership and accountability. We all do this to a certain extent but a toxic person goes to far they would prefer that their victims take responsibility for their behavior and feel ashamed of themselves. This is a way for a narcissist to project any toxic shame they have about themselves onto another.

For example, a person who engages in pathological lying may accuse their partner of fibbing; a needy spouse may call their husband “clingy” in an attempt to depict them as the one who is dependent; a rude employee may call their boss ineffective in an effort to escape the truth about their own productivity.

Toxic people love to play the “blameshifting game.” Objectives of the game: they win, you lose, and you or the world at large is blamed for everything that’s wrong with them. This way, you get to babysit their fragile ego while you’re thrust into a sea of self-doubt. Fun, right?

Sangha: Solution? Don’t “project” your own sense of compassion or empathy onto a toxic person and don’t own any of the toxic person’s projections either. As manipulation expert and author Dr. George Simon (2010) notes in his book In Sheep’s Clothing, projecting our own conscience and value system onto others has the potential consequence of being met with further exploitation.

3. Nonsensical conversations from hell: If you think you’re going to have a thoughtful discussion with someone who is toxic, be prepared for epic mindfuckery rather than conversational mindfulness.

Toxic people use word salad, circular conversations, ad hominem arguments, projection and gaslighting to disorient you and get you off track should you ever disagree with them or challenge them in any way. They do this in order to discredit, confuse and frustrate you, distract you from the main problem and make you feel guilty for being a human being with actual thoughts and feelings that might differ from their own. In their eyes, you are the problem if you happen to exist.

Sangha: Spend even ten minutes arguing with a Toxic person and you’ll find yourself wondering how the argument even began at all. You simply disagreed with them about their absurd claim that the sky is red and now your entire childhood, family, friends, career and lifestyle choices have come under attack. That is because your disagreement picked at their false belief that they are omnipotent and omniscient, resulting in a narcissistic injury.

Sangha: Remember: toxic people don’t argue with you, they essentially argue with themselves and you become privy to their long, draining monologues. They thrive off the drama and they live for it. Each and every time you attempt to provide a point that counters their ridiculous assertions, you feed them supply. Don’t feed the narcissists supply – rather, supply yourself with the confirmation that their abusive behavior is the problem, not you. Cut the interaction short as soon as you anticipate it escalating and use your energy on some decadent self-care instead.

4. Blanket statements and generalizations: Malignant narcissists aren’t always intellectual masterminds – many of them are intellectually lazy. Rather than taking the time to carefully consider a different perspective, they generalize anything and everything you say, making blanket statements that don’t acknowledge the nuances in your argument or take into account the multiple perspectives you’ve paid homage to. Better yet, why not put a label on you that dismisses your perspective altogether?

(On a larger scale, generalizations and blanket statements invalidate experiences that don’t fit in the unsupported assumptions, schemas and stereotypes of society; they are also used to maintain the status quo. This form of digression exaggerates one perspective to the point where a social justice issue can become completely obscured. For example, rape accusations against well-liked figures are often met with the reminder that there are false reports of rape that occur. While those do occur, they are rare, and in this case, the actions of one become labeled the behavior of the majority while the specific report itself remains unaddressed.)

These everyday microaggressions also happen in toxic relationships. If you bring up to a abuser that their behavior is unacceptable for example, they will often make blanket generalizations about your hypersensitivity or make a generalization such as, “You are never satisfied,” or “You’re always too sensitive” rather than addressing the real issues at hand. It’s possible that you are oversensitive at times, but it is also possible that the abuser is also insensitive and cruel the majority of the time.

Sangha: Hold onto your truth and resist generalizing statements by realizing that they are in fact forms of black and white illogical thinking. Toxic people wielding blanket statements do not represent the full richness of experience – they represent the limited one of their singular experience and overinflated sense of self.

5. Deliberately misrepresenting your thoughts and feelings to the point of absurdity. In the hands of a malignant Toxic person, your differing opinions, legitimate emotions and lived experiences get translated into character flaws and evidence of your irrationality.

Toxic people weave tall tales to reframe what you’re actually saying as a way to make your opinions look absurd or heinous. Let’s say you bring up the fact that you’re unhappy with the way a toxic friend is speaking to you. In response, he or she may put words in your mouth, saying, “Oh, so now you’re perfect?” or “So I am a bad person, huh?” when you’ve done nothing but express your feelings. This enables them to invalidate your right to have thoughts and emotions about their inappropriate behavior and instills in you a sense of guilt when you attempt to establish boundaries.

This is also a popular form of diversion and cognitive distortion that is known as “mind reading.” Toxic people often presume they know what you’re thinking and feeling. They chronically jump to conclusions based on their own triggers rather than stepping back to evaluate the situation mindfully. They act accordingly based on their own delusions and fallacies and make no apologies for the harm they cause as a result. Notorious for putting words in your mouth, they depict you as having an intention or outlandish viewpoint you didn’t possess. They accuse you of thinking of them as toxic – even before you’ve gotten the chance to call them out on their behavior – and this also serves as a form of preemptive defense.

Sangha: Simply stating, “I never said that,” and walking away should the person continue to accuse you of doing or saying something you didn’t can help to set a firm boundary in this type of interaction. So long as the toxic person can blameshift and digress from their own behavior, they have succeeded in convincing you that you should be “shamed” for giving them any sort of realistic feedback.

6. Nitpicking and moving the goal posts: The difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism is the presence of a personal attack and impossible standards. These so-called “critics” often don’t want to help you improve, they just want to nitpick, pull you down and scapegoat you in any way they can. Abusive narcissists and sociopaths employ a logical fallacy known as “moving the goalposts” in order to ensure that they have every reason to be perpetually dissatisfied with you. This is when, even after you’ve provided all the evidence in the world to validate your argument or taken an action to meet their request, they set up another expectation of you or demand more proof.

Do you have a successful career? The Toxic person will then start to pick on why you aren’t a multi-millionaire yet. Did you already fulfill their need to be excessively catered to? Now it’s time to prove that you can also remain “independent.” The goal posts will perpetually change and may not even be related to each other; they don’t have any other point besides making you vie for the narcissist’s approval and validation.

By raising the expectations higher and higher each time or switching them completely, highly manipulative and toxic people are able to instill in you a pervasive sense of unworthiness and of never feeling quite “enough.” By pointing out one irrelevant fact or one thing you did wrong and developing a hyperfocus on it, narcissists get to divert from your strengths and pull you into obsessing over any flaws or weaknesses instead. They get you thinking about the next expectation of theirs you’re going to have to meet – until eventually you’ve bent over backwards trying to fulfill their every need – only to realize it didn’t change the horrific way they treated you.

Sangha: Don’t get sucked into nitpicking and changing goal posts – if someone chooses to rehash an irrelevant point over and over again to the point where they aren’t acknowledging the work you’ve done to validate your point or satisfy them, their motive isn’t to better understand. It’s to further provoke you into feeling as if you have to constantly prove yourself. Validate and approve of yourself. Know that you are enough and you don’t have to be made to feel constantly deficient or unworthy in some way.

7. Changing the subject to evade accountability: This type of tactic is what I like to call the “What about me?” syndrome. It is a literal digression from the actual topic that works to redirect attention to a different issue altogether. Narcissists don’t want you to be on the topic of holding them accountable for anything, so they will reroute discussions to benefit them. Complaining about their neglectful parenting? They’ll point out a mistake you committed seven years ago. This type of diversion has no limits in terms of time or subject content, and often begins with a sentence like “What about the time when…”

On a macrolevel, these diversions work to derail discussions that challenge the status quo. A discussion about gay rights, for example, may be derailed quickly by someone who brings in another social justice issue just to distract people from the main argument.

Sangha: Don’t be derailed – if someone pulls a switcheroo on you, you can exercise what I call the “broken record” method and continue stating the facts without giving in to their distractions. Redirect their redirection by saying, “That’s not what I am talking about. Let’s stay focused on the real issue.” If they’re not interested, disengage and spend your energy on something more constructive – like not having a debate with someone who has the mental age of a toddler.

8. Covert and overt threats: Toxic abusers and otherwise toxic people feel very threatened when their excessive sense of entitlement, false sense of superiority and grandiose sense of self are challenged in any way. They are prone to making unreasonable demands on others – while punishing you for not living up to their impossible to reach expectations.

Rather than tackle disagreements or compromises maturely, they set out to divert you from your right to have your own identity and perspective by attempting to instill fear in you about the consequences of disagreeing or complying with their demands. To them, any challenge results in an ultimatum and “do this or I’ll do that” becomes their daily mantra.

Sangha: If someone’s reaction to you setting boundaries or having a differing opinion from your own is to threaten you into submission, whether it’s a thinly veiled threat or an overt admission of what they plan to do, this is a red flag of someone who has a high degree of entitlement and has no plans of compromising. Take threats seriously and show the narcissist you mean business; document threats and report them whenever possible and legally feasible.

9. Name-calling: Narcissists preemptively blow anything they perceive as a threat to their superiority out of proportion. In their world, only they can ever be right and anyone who dares to say otherwise creates a narcissistic injury that results in narcissistic rage. As Mark Goulston, M.D. asserts, narcissistic rage does not result from low self-esteem but rather a high sense of entitlement and false sense of superiority.

The lowest of the low resort to toxic rage in the form of name-calling when they can’t think of a better way to manipulate your opinion or micromanage your emotions. Name-calling is a quick and easy way to put you down, degrade you and insult your intelligence, appearance or behavior while invalidating your right to be a separate person with a right to his or her perspective.

Name-calling can also be used to criticize your beliefs, opinions and insights. A well-researched perspective or informed opinion suddenly becomes “silly” or “idiotic” in the hands of a malignant narcissist or sociopath who feels threatened by it and cannot make a respectful, convincing rebuttal. Rather than target your argument, they target you as a person and seek to undermine your credibility and intelligence in any way they possibly can. It’s important to end any interaction that consists of name-calling and communicate that you won’t tolerate it. Don’t internalize it: realize that they are resorting to name-calling because they are deficient in higher level methods.

#toxic relationships

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claennis · 7 years

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(Picture from Picturing Men: A Century of Male Relationships in Everyday American Photography)

In 2008, I was taking Advanced Writing Practicum with a particularly flamboyant and fantastic professor at the end of my freshman year at college. I had just recovered from a tough first semester with a super-serious-Jesuit writing professor and a huge dickwad of an Ancient Philosophy professor. This piece is incredibly corny and perhaps getting dated too, but at the time, I was proud of my writing. Fortunately for me, while it appears to be missing from all my back-ups, I uploaded it on livejournal (dear lord I’m old--where all the ladies in their late 20s be at?). If you’re interested in gender (masculinity), sports and hammy academic writing, this might just be your cup of tea.

Where has the Touchy-Feely Man Gone: Masculinity Confined and Shaped by Society’s External Forces

Adrenaline and pure excitement takes over tired, cramped limbs, the feeling of winning permeates every air particle, and all that you can hear is, “We won! We won!!” Teammates run towards each other, grabbing each other’s laughing faces, their mouths open in astonishment and glee, happiness written into their eyes. Limbs tangled around each other, men piling on top of each other, the footballers amidst celebration show no inhibition. These are men, men whom the world exemplifies as the “truly masculine” with their incredible finesse, skill, talent. Yet amongst the very sport that defines them as masculine men, they sing, they cry, they embrace, they carry each other in their arms, they kiss each other on the cheeks and lips. They candidly display emotion and love in front of millions of people, supporters and rivals alike. The image is different but touching: men are not afraid to truly express themselves with each other and with the world.

Football (or soccer, as the Americans call it) is considered to be a masculine sport around the world, a sport where its players best portray the manly man image. But interestingly enough, it is also a sport in which its players show the widest range of emotion. In society today, there is a perceived concept that masculine men do not show emotion. While football seems to cross that boundary, excuse the behavior that is often not praised or encouraged, and somehow redefine a broad yet dominant concept of masculinity, this is just one sport in which men can express themselves more freely than elsewhere. But masculinity is much more complex than everyday men merely appearing aloof and withholding emotions on the inside. Experts and researchers say masculinity is a hybrid of social construction, historical and traditional definitions passed down through time, and cultural demands. All three ultimately create a mirage of stereotypes and the socially acceptable image that men should follow. More accurately, the socially acceptable image of masculinity is what we refer to as hegemonic masculinity. Though many societies and cultures around the world hold similar views on masculinity, America holds a certain ideology of masculinity that opposes anything resembling its anti-thesis, femininity, and other deviating identities like homosexuality¹. Anything that goes beyond the code of “socially acceptable” masculinity shocks us and leaves us perplexed. As a boy grows into manhood, he learns and follows the hegemonic code of masculinity, which his home, his homosocial enactment with other males, the media, and sports enforces but such factors also concurrently suppress a more intimate, alternative form of masculinity. These external factors ultimately contribute to a mostly American fear of any male behavior that may transcend heteronormativity. We all have some stereotypically influenced perception of how men should act and how men should behave. Michael S. Kimmel, a sociologist whose field focuses on men and masculinity, argues that in society, the dominant culture, “white culture,” holds significant power. From this concept, he states that our collective perceptions come from “the hegemonic definition of manhood [which] is a man in power, a man with power, and a man of power” (57). The language fits perfectly: dominant masculinity equates to power, having power, showing power. Psychologist Robert Brannon has summarized what manhood should basically be: “No sissy stuff!”—Men have nothing to do with anything that suggests femininity, “Be a big wheel”—masculinity equates power, success, wealth, and status, “Be a sturdy oak”—never show emotion, for boys do not cry, and lastly, “Give ‘em Hell”—men are daring and aggressive (58). The four rules stated are the “elements” that men desperately, vainly, chivalrously try to measure up, and ultimately makes masculinity a “relentless test.” Not all men try to live up to this narrow idea of masculinity but many who do, find it almost impossible to achieve. Though it is impossible to achieve, society continues to firmly code, imprint, and enforce messages of hegemonic masculinity. In society, the most popular modes of enforcing the macho male ideology are through the media and sports but the first place that prepares boys to become “men” would be at home amongst his parents. Richard L. Meth, Director of the School of Family Studies at the University of Connecticut, comments that boys need to “develop the acute…ability to discriminate between masculine and feminine behavior, and typically avoid anything associated with femininity” (11). In order to acquire the ability as Meth states, Kimmel remarks that a boy starts by “renouncing his identification with deep emotional attachment to his mother and then replacing her with the father as the object of identification” (59). This is the beginning of the social upbringing that effects boys’ perception of masculinity and femininity: the family strives to emasculate boys so they take flight from the feminine (the mother) and embrace the masculine (the father) to affirm themselves as real men. The detachment from dependence leads him to believe that he has to be consistently strong, independent, and confident, or else he would be laughed at, teased, and considered “not manly.”² This social upbringing leads most boys to see femininity as the antithesis of masculinity. The fear of being branded as “unmanly” is not lessened by external forces such as the media, sports, and the expectations and scrutiny of other men and even women to some extent. There is no better way to truly demonstrate one’s maleness than in front of other men. Meth points out that “boys often like to boast about any kind of sexual activity, in part to inform their peers of their progress but also as a means of validating their emerging manhood” (24). As stated, during childhood and adolescence, boys must not only learn how to separate themselves from their mothers, but they must also learn how to assert themselves over woman. The easiest way is to share or boast about sexual experiences with the other sex. But it is not only boys; men, well into their adulthood, may also insist on holding onto their bragging rights about their sexual progress regarding women. Meth singles out boasting about sexual performance but Kimmel also notes that men can boast pretty much about any accomplishment that “parade[s] the markers of manhood—wealth, power, status, sexy women” so they could “improve their ranking on the masculine social scale” (61). Though bragging may be done in good play or fun, the obsession with proving potency in sex and performance marks the beginning of heteronormativity, in which dominating the feminine is the norm for men. When a man does not boast about his sexual activity as much as some may expect, there is speculation concerning his “hetero” reputation. The true test of maleness determines the rules of expected male behavior but at the same time, it makes room for immense competition with other men, ridiculous amounts of machismo talk, and most importantly, fear of failure, fear of not being seen as a real man. In our society, it is not rare that many people mix up the terms that label the different types of relationships between men: homosocial, homoerotic, and homosexual. Homosocial merely relates to the social interaction between men (i.e. playing sports together, hanging out with each other, etc). Homoerotic involves desire for other men, which society often leads men to believe that such desire is feminine and may even grow into homosexual tendencies. Bob Pease, professor and researcher in the field of Self and Society and Men and Masculinities, suggests that “one of the main obstacles preventing more intimate relationships between men is homophobia—the fear of being, or appearing to be, gay is deeply embedded in Western culture” (qtd in Singleton 10). Psychoanalytic historian, Geoffrey Gorer, supports Pease’s claim: “The lives of most American men are bounded, and their interests daily curtailed by the constant necessity to prove to their fellows, and to themselves, that they are not sissies, not homosexuals,” (qtd in Kimmel 63). The constant need to prove this fact is the reason why we hear the phrase, “Oh, but I’m straight” or “Oh, but I’m not gay or anything” so often from men. Bounded by what Gorer calls the constant necessity to be straight, homosexuality becomes the “negation of masculinity” as social scientist Bob Connell puts it (qtd in Sabo 103). Not all boys may find the need to assert “straightness” but most boys in America grow up to believe that masculinity equates homophobia. From the fear of being not manly enough, homoeroticism and homosexuality become affiliated with femininity. The worst part is that this irrational fear has obstructed men from truly sharing their inner feelings and thoughts with each other because they are afraid that they would cross the boundary from homosocial to homoerotic and/or homosexual. The masculine code often enforces the competitive drive in which men resort to fulfill in sports. Aggression, rivalry, and dominance; sports is the ticket to being masculine. If showing off in front of other men is the true test of maleness, playing a sport is the ultimate action that would construct a rock-solid image of manhood. Dominating a game of a head-to-head sport and succeeding as the winner is an achievement that most men want, not just to show that they are athletically talented but to also show that they have acquired some unnamed, unspoken token of maleness. In Messner’s “Becoming 100 percent straight”, he argues that among the competitive spirit, men use sports as an act of what Herbert Marcuse calls, “the sublimation of homoerotic desire into an aggressive, violent act” (183). Transferring sexual desire into violence is acceptable because the world of sports has established itself as an arena of aggression and competitive drive³. Messner claims that ” for a closeted gay man, “the decision to construct his identity largely within sports was to step into a fiercely heterosexual/masculine closet that would hide what he saw as his ‘true’ identity” but for straight men, it was like “stepping out into an entire world of heterosexual privilege” (185). This theory of sublimation relates back to the fact that we live in a heteronormative world, a world that accentuates “normalcy”. There are many exceptions to this case because most men find sports as a means for them to prove their athletic abilities and talent. They might engage in sports to show their aggressive, daring side, a side that is enforced in the hegemonic male ideology but not always to perform expectations of a hyper-heterosexual identity. If our world is of heterosexual privilege, insisting that male behavior should replicate heteronormativity, then American films from the past century are doing their job: emphasizing straightness among male relationships. Film critic, Joan Mellen, notes that in movies where two male protagonists collaborate together (i.e. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, 1969), they may prefer each other’s company yet they “indulge in excessive display of machismo to convince everyone that despite their exclusively male grouping they are really heterosexual” (qtd in Doty 45). Excessive displays may include verbal banter, competitive insults, or any teasing behavior that would result in what cultural critic Anthony Easthrope identifies as “explicit antagonism between two masculine egos [to] cover the implicit male bond” (qtd in Doty 45). The homosocial relationship is purely friendly, a positive relationship that helps men connect with each other. But as Gorer and Pease claims, American society has conditioned us to believe a homosocial bond between two men might border too much on erotic intimacy that could be potentially homoerotic and/or homosexual. Not to mention, when there are no obvious male friendships in televised or film media, the male figure is often portrayed as the quintessence of “male self-reliance…often referred to as ‘rugged individualism’” (Doty 44). The male is either independent, battling adversaries on his own or if he has a fellow male comrade, he must not be “too” friendly. The issue at hand is that our culture distorts homosocial, homoerotic, and homosexual together, making no distinction when they all have different definitions. Though motion pictures focus more on the attempts to not convey male-male friendships as anything but straight, we as an audience, have a homophobic temptation to sexualize nonexistent homoerotic aspects in a homosocial relationship due to our inability to differentiate. Homophobia is one of the main factors that affect homosocial relationships but competition is also another contributing factor. Clinical and Organizational Psychologist, Robert S. Pasick, states, “As boys, men were taught to view other boys as potential competitors, which rendered close friendship very difficult to sustain. We came to see friendship between men in win-lose terms” (117). Competitiveness is one of the main attributes of hegemonic masculinity (look at sports) so it becomes hard for men, who are conditioned by the need to appear invulnerable, powerful, and in control, to have a relationship with other men who are potential rivals or competitors. Pasick argues that this obsession with competition also manifests in men’s excessive devotion to work. In the job setting, men with the drive to compete and achieve “are hesitant to place trust in others, lest they get taken advantage of” (120). The work setting is the place where men must be cautious of others for this is the place that determines their financial and economic success. Whether it is sports or on the job, men’s aggressive spirit continues to run the course of their lives. Once again, the hegemonic code, upheld by society, obstructs men from successfully seeking closer friendships with other men. The main underlying issue with hegemonic male ideology is that our government, our social norms, our culture imposes hetero behavior: men like women; women like men; that is the way things work around here. Alternative identities such as homosexuality do not co-exist with the hetero-structure of our society and makes us uncomfortable. Sixteenth century essayist, Michel de Montaigne, stated, “…the customs and practices of life in society sweep us along. Most of my doings are governed by example…I was led there, brought to it by external considerations” (275). During a young boy’s childhood, he learns from his parents that there is no better example than his own father. At school, he follows his fellow male friends; he watches them as they watch him. He may meet a boy who accidentally catches his eye, and he, distraught by his attraction to another boy, rashly turns to sports, because everybody else has taught him that it is the “manly” activity. From sports to work, he sees that in order to achieve, he must have the same competitive drive as other men. By the time the boy is a man, he has already been immersed in a media culture that establishes the identity of the 100 percent straight, successful, confident, aggressive male. “We think of manhood as innate,” Kimmel states but as innate as maleness is, Montaigne has pointed out that there are external forces that condition its development, its identity, its essence (51). While some may deviate from the stereotypes enforced in these “ external considerations,” most men believe that “what he wears, how he talks, how he walks, what he eats, is a coded mannerism to show the world that no one could ever get the ‘wrong idea’ about him” (Kimmel 64). The wrong idea is the fear of being branded as gay, the fear of not being “manly” enough. It is a fear that has grown into men’s hesitation to form a healthy homosocial relationship with other men and has manifested itself in men’s exaggerated replication of societal standards. These external forces have become more than examples; they have become the “how to be a man” rulebook for men to follow. Though we may believe that society has been uptight about male expression for centuries, men have not always been like that. John Ibson, American Cultural Studies Professor at California State University Fullerton, compiled photos from the Civil War to the 1950s in Picturing Men: A Century of Male Relationships in Everyday American Photography. His book records how men once touched each other with no inhibition: men sat on each others’ laps, held hands, embraced, expressing not always erotic but platonic love for each other. What has happened so that the past expresses more male intimacy than modern society? Eric Anderson, writer at Outsports.com, proposes that as society grows increasingly aware of homosexuality, we have concurrently become more homophobic and in turn, men have become wary that they may be seen as homosexuals (par 5). The thought is depressing but perhaps it is true. The more we know homosexuality exists, the more we overanalyze simple platonic gestures as homoerotic. Though some may argue that we have become fearful of alternative identities, at least we know them. With awareness and knowledge, we can fight for alternative identities and against an embedded irrational fear of ideologies that deviate from our hegemonic code. But there is hope for the male identity in American modern society. There is hope that we will bring back the not-as uptight outlook on platonic male-to-male affection. Maybe we do see male intimacy. Maybe some might be more paranoid today than in the past. But maybe, through football, where male camaraderie in celebration has already been established within its game, we can continue to reshape and remold the modern male identity. Montaigne stated that society’s external forces heavily influence our beliefs, in this case, concerning masculinity, but according to Diane Barthel, Associate Professor of Sociology at State University of New York, “The meaning of masculinity…is of society. It can be altered, shaped and molded” (153). Because we are part of society, we construct society just as much society constructs us. Today, there are boys and men who are not afraid to display signs of affection with each other. There are male groups where men are encouraged to open up and share their emotions and thoughts with each other. The modern male image is slowly changing and transforming: more men are confident enough to be openly friendly with his comrades without being ashamed or afraid of other’s opinions. America may still be uptight and paranoid about the changing image of masculinity. But through time, through our contribution to social construction, through social construction conditioning us in return, masculinity will gradually become a collective embrace of a less fearful, a less stereotype-dominant, a more open, a more intimate male identity.

¹ Other cultures around the world do hold traditional roles for men but those men are not as constricted by the fear that they would be seen as a homosexual as American men are. But that is not to say men in other cultures are not confined or influenced to act in a certain “hetero” way as American men are. ² Freud calls it the, “Oedipal complex” in which if boys do not learn how to separate themselves from their mothers, they would soon affiliate with the love and desire their mothers have for their fathers. So instead, the emotional detachment from their mothers is encouraged so that boys would replicate their father’s heterosexual love for their mothers, which symbolizes women for the boys. The desired effect is so that boys would learn to desire women and not men. ³ In this context, the sublimation that takes places refers to a man-on-man or team sport in which physical contact between men occurs (i.e. mainly basketball, American football, European football, hockey, water polo). There are many exceptions like archery, track, cross country, high jump, javelin, swimming, and more that do enforce the competitive drive in men but are not sports in which men might use as means to transfer homoerotic tendencies into aggressive acts.

Citations separate.

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