#ok anywaaay

[adventuresinanarchy]

unordinary trio headcanons !!

some of these r kind of a stretch! also there's so much isen im so sorry im in love with him

isen

i hc isen to be bi with no preference

i also am in between on him being amab or afab. i see him using they/he either way tho

he's a demiboy

he's vv closeted

but remi knows

he has a (younger) twin sister and another younger (half) sister

he's found himself being in charge a lot & messing up at home, which is why he's so against taking big responsibilities (like when he becomes jack)

they have severe anxiety

and also undiagnosed adhd

he's good at keeping secrets but if anyone were to simply ask them about one he'd be like really bad at deflecting it

he had a really good relationship with his father until it was noticed that younger half sister was a product of an affair so then his parents got divorced and isen lost contact

his stepdad is nice but isen doesn't find themselves to be as close to him as their siblings are and it makes him a lil upset

he's still really family oriented even though he kind of resents his mom for the whole affair

they work a job as a janitor at night so his siblings can have some spare money

his mom is chronically ill

oh oh and his twin sister goes to a school outside of wellston because she's rlly smart

isen's not vv open about his family, he'll only mention them if remi says something about rei first or if blyke talks about his mom

i love blysen sm but i do think isen would've had a crush on remi before

he's dated a lot of people

including cecile for a week

cecile broke it off

as you can see none of the relationships really lasted

speaking of how i love blysen – he's had a crush on blyke for a really long time but hasn't realized it's a crush

isen & his twin went on this hair dye adventure once hence the hair

i saw someone say he tried to bleach his hair and it came out orange and i firmly agree

naturally black hair i will die on this hill

while isen had a hair oopsie, their sister was successful and has blonde highlights

(i do have names for his siblings but they're not very creative (twin is isabella & half-sister is irene))

secretly a swiftie

blyke

ok enough isen now blyke

i like the idea of bigender or genderfluid blyke

any pronouns but they do get a bit irritated when people stick to just he/him

pansexual

he has sooo many piercings like so so so many

they're the middle child

she spends a lot of time with her uncle

they have a cat and shes the cutest cat ever (i need a name)

i think blemi is really cute tbh (not a headcanon im just rambling atp)

i feel like blyke would listen to weezer

she looooves funky earrings and other cool jewelry

has a bunch of scars from childhood adventures and is insecure about them

allergic to grass

had a black stripe in his hair during middle school to be cool and edgy

had a diary of a wimpy kid phase

and a dork diaries one

im running out here

remi

remi my fav girlboss <3

omni w/ a preference for girls

she/they, demigirl

her dream toy growing up was a barbie motorcycle

she and rei made a lemonade stand in order to raise money for a barbie motorcycle

rei thought they were getting an actual. barbie themed motorcycle

they made their own lemonade and it tasted like shit

they made a whole eight dollars

remi really wants a pet snake but their mom is scared of snakes

she thinks eyeliner is really cool but she's really bad at it

sometimes she'll ask sera to do her makeup for her

remi's dad is a chef who loves the movie ratatouille /hj

rei calls her a rat

her bedroom at home has a shaggy carpet because i said so

and she has soo many posters on her walls

once she dyed the ends of her hair purple with kool-aid

she has lots n lots of freckles

she had a crush on elaine during her first year & that was her first girl crush

sometimes she goes on random smoothie bowl crazes

[gestippeldedieseltreinworm]

May or may not be developing a crush on my coworker

[kozy-stuff]

i know you from discord 😳

STALKER! /j

Nah jk jk, and honestly- I didn't think anyone from discord (Except my friends, love you guys /p) would find my tumblr ^^'

Though i AM a bit curious as to how you know me from discord 🤨 unless.... YOU'RE A STAL- 🔇

[hellaephemeral]

look shiggy is the loml he’s my ultimate babygirl he IS little meow meow he is a pathetic loser failwife he is eVERYTHING to me but he’s just my bf while sanji (detested (affectionate (insane))) is my husband,,, no i will not be explaining this! goodnight *drifts away like a leaf in the wind*

[daughtersofbelleteyn]

Me: "I don't understand why I feel bittersweet and sad"

Also me: *listens on loop to the saddest and most nostalgic songs of Therapie Taxi*

I swear this band was the greatest French band that sings in French. Their lyrics are either hilarious or absolutely soul crushing, and sometimes both at the same time. I cannot get enough.

[thatone-brightstar]

The Bear & The Fox (Carmy Berzatto x Fem!Reader)

Chapter 10: Bared teeth and knuckles red

Words: 4.8 k

Summary: You finally decide to tell Carmy the truth.

a/n: Please read! Same as last time, don't wanna trigger anyone so, trigger warning: mention of suicide attempt in flashbacks. That is all.

Also, only three more chapters left and all I can say is thank you for enjoying this as much as I loved making it. I had never published anything I had written and you have all been so wonderfully nice that it really has boosted my confidence in writing.

Anywaaay, this one's gonna hurt so I apologize in advance and you can totally yell at me in the comments, but just a head's up I WILL CRY IF YOU DO.

Commenting is always appreciated!!

Your toes had grown red and numb as they dangled yards away from the freezing water. Soft sniffs ached in your chest and your grip on the metal grew unsteady with every gentle cry. The dots of the bright city lights blurred together in your watery eyes, but there was nothing but an unknown serenity lapping at your insides. Like the feeling you get from watching bio luminescent tides illuminate a dark beach with every sway. The night was still, only the light patter of a pair of footsteps that you confused with your heartbeat.

“You don’t want to do that.” A deep voice called from your far right and your body jerked towards the noise.

You scoffed at the tall man, too calm for someone who had stumbled into that uncommon situation. “I don’t even fuckin’ know you, dude.” You rolled your eyes and faced the water again.

“True..” He said, placing a cig between his lips and lighting the end. “but I do know that if you jump from this height, you’ll just end up crippled.”

“Well I don’t know how to swim, so I’ll probably just drown.” You answered with the same bitterness.

“Hardcore” He whispered, then slowly walked to rest his elbows a few feet away from you. 

The man took a long drag, the ember showering his strong features in an orange hue. Your eyes flickered from the burning tip to his face, only looking away when he turned towards you.

“You smoke?” He asked and you shrugged lightly. He pulled the beaten packet from inside his jean jacket with measured movements and slowly offered it to you. “How ‘bout one for the road, kid?”

You doubted for a second, then uncurled your frozen fingers from the bar and stretched out your arm to the man. In a flash, one of his hands gripped your wrist while the other circled your waist and hoisted you up and away from the edge. The world swiveled for a short second as you both fell safely against the snow covered path. You thrashed around in his grip, legs and arms swaying violently as a thousand screams were ripped from the deepest parts of your chest. But no matter your attempts, the man maintained a calm composure.

It was only when your screams died down to soft whimpers and your surroundings flashed with red and blue, that the numbness abandoned your body and you finally felt the cold seep through your clothes as you sat alone in the middle of the bridge. It was then that you heard his gentle words echo for hours in your head.

“You’ll thank me one day, kid. I promise.”

“Is it too much purple, Ms. F?” Kenny asked from his end of the small semi circle, pulling you away from the thick waves of your mind.

“Hmm? N-no no, that looks really good, Ken. Great job…” 

Your phone vibrated softly from one of the pockets of your apron, creasing your brow when Syd’s name flashed on the screen. A few indications were given to the kids before excusing yourself a few yards away to answer the call.

“Hey, everything ok-”

“I stabbed Richie.” Syd’s shaky voice interrupted.

“Y-You what?”

“And I walked out. I stabbed Richie and then walked out. I-In that order.”

You were silent for a few seconds, not knowing how to answer accordingly, because what does one say when someone’s confessed to stabbing someone, albeit a shitty someone, but still a someone. 

“H-how… did that happen?” You asked instead.

“Cause your stupid asshole boyfriend went bat shit crazy when I fucked up the to-go’s!” She began rambling about some software update in the system and how she had forgotten to block out the schedule, so by the time they were ready to open, they were already behind on hundreds of orders they hadn’t prepped for.

“Jesus, Syd! And you left them alone with that mess?!” You angrily whispered at your phone.

“You think I don’t know that?! I know I screwed up, okay? But when I tried to figure it out, Carmen got all up in my face and wouldn’t listen! He started fucking yelling at everyone and I was so pissed, and Richie- God Richie- h-he basically stepped into my knife. I know it wasn’t that bad, but I didn’t stay around to check.” She finished.

You heard her shallow breaths on the other end and waited for her to calm down. 

“D’you think I should go back?” She asked, when her voice had stopped shaking.

“Yes… but it’s too late now, it’ll probably piss him off more. Go home, sleep it off and try to solve it with a clear head in the morning.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” She heaved in a heavy sigh that ended with a groan. “You-erh- you gonna tell ‘em… today?”

“I mean, I want to do it less now but… what’s one more bad news to throw into the dumpster fire that is today, right?”

Syd snorted ironically into the mic, her shaky breathes had slowly started to regulate.

“Alright, well call me if you need anything.”

“Yeah, you too.”

You hung up and saved your phone back into your apron. The void in your chest happily feeding itself with the bad news, only growing stronger and wrapping its roots around your ribs. Checking the time made you realize there were still a couple hours left until your shift was up, but it didn’t feel nearly as long as you needed to grow a pair and tell Carmy. 

Usually, you were great at keeping secrets. It came with the territory of being the eldest daughter and having an overprotective single mother. There were so many midnight escapades where you’d go smoke weed with your friends at the park that you’d take to the grave. Or the insignificant containers of lipgloss you'd steal as a teen just for the thrill of it, that now lived untouched at the bottom of your drawer. You always joked that, apart from your family and closest friends, you didn’t really have a conscience to listen to, or anything that could make you feel guilty over most things. Which is why the void that had been living in your stomach for the past weeks felt foreign and uncomfortable with every passing day that you did nothing about it. 

You hadn’t been sleeping either. The moment you felt your body drift away, your mind was clouded by the mirage of tired baggy eyes and a large grizzly bear on the snow padded bridge. The thunderous growl always jerked you awake and with sore lungs and dew over your brow, you’d move from the restraining covers into the small sanctuary in the living room.  The tiredness displayed itself proudly over your face, sitting heavy in the bags it had nursed under your dull eyes, for everyone to see.

It was one of the reasons you had been avoiding Carmy for weeks. No amount of concealer would cover them up and you knew that the moment he spotted your slouched shoulders, he’d know something was wrong. He probably already did. The time between your texts had grown larger, always hiding behind a ‘sorry, been busy’ or ‘fell asleep’. All because you couldn’t bare to tell your boyfriend the truth. You knew you’d have to eventually, the longer it took, the worse his reaction would be once you decided to finally tell him.

‘Today.’ You mumbled to yourself while getting ready, ’I’m gonna do it today.’ But as the day grew older, so did the regret of having to follow through with your own self imposed promise.

**********

The blank canvas sitting expectant in front of you worked perfectly to help you dissociate since the moment you sat down. The blue paint you had been chipping from your nails was long gone, but the repetitive action continued, leaving small streaks of red stinging by the time you washed your hands to leave. You expected to at least have half an explanation by the time you made the short walk to the restaurant, however, your brain seemed to have forgotten any trace of the English dictionary in your vocabulary. Only the simplest words remained and that was not nearly enough to explain the strange situation you found yourself in. 

The lights inside The Beef glowed a menacing white and the silence was so intense, you could even hear the electricity flowing through the fluorescents.

“Yo! We’re closed!” Yelled Richie’s voice from the side room once he heard the bell by the glass door ding, then you saw him slowly move towards you, with a rather noticeable limp. “Short stack! Nice of you to show up after we got our asses beat.”

“Yeah, heard you got it stabbed too…”

He threw a middle finger in your direction and limped past the counter and to the empty back where everyone seemed to have fled after the rough day.

“Mind if I take a look?” You asked him, dropping your bag on one of the tables.

“What, you ain’t gonna take me to dinner first?” Despite the tiredness behind his voice, he still managed to be just as annoying.

You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms. “Chill, alright? My mom’s a nurse, she taught me a couple stuff.”

“ ‘M fine, Ebra already patched me up, so no need to go all fuckin’ Doogie Howser on me, okay?”

You didn’t have the energy to protest or to even make fun of his old ass reference, so you just raised your hands and mumbled an irritated ‘Fine, I don’t fucking care anyway’ and walked past him to the office.

You saw Carmy hunched over the piles of invoices scattered around his desk, arms tensely resting on the firm wood and wisps of smoke floating in the thin air. You could guess how bad the day had been by the multiple stains on his regularly white shirt and by the strained muscles locked sturdily under the material. You stood frozen by the door, a sudden wave of fear washing over you at the idea that there was no way that this would not end terribly.

You swallowed the dryness that had accumulated in your throat and reached up a shaky hand to knock at the door. His eyes were dark and intense when he turned to you and a heavy breath filled his lungs as he observed you up and down. 

“Hey…” He greeted with a nod, then turned back to the mess of papers.

“I’d -uh- I’d ask how your day’s been but…” You said, pushing yourself deeper in the room and shoving your hands in your back pockets.

Carmy nodded slowly, letting his forehead fall over yours when you reached his side and taking in another deep sigh. “Sydney tell you?”

“Briefly, but yeah…”

“Marcus walked out too.” He said dryly, pulling away and raking his hand through his matted hair.

“What happened?”

“I dunno. I thought everything was finally going better a-and then it’s one thing after the next and I just… I snapped.” He confessed.

Your brows screwed in confusion, “But you’re used to yelling in the kitchen-”

“Yes, but this was different. I don’t know what took over me. I-It was like my mouth and my brain had no filter and all the words just came spewing out. Like I wanted them to feel like shit, like I needed them to feel what I feel every-fuckin’-day here.” He threw himself on the office chair and rested his heated face on his hands.

“Did you mean it?” You asked after a few moments. “What you said to them, did you mean it?”

Carmy dragged his hands down to his mouth, tired eyes fixed on yours, then shook his head ‘no’ slowly.

“Then maybe you can tell them that… Once you’ve all cooled down, of course.”

He was silent, brows knitted together in contemplation. “Ye-yeah no, I know-I will.” He finally said, rubbing his thumb to the inside of his palm and staring at you again. “Hey, uh… C-can I ask you somethin’?” 

Fuck. You didn’t trust your voice to answer, so you just nodded, hands curling tightly around the edge of the desk that hit your back.

“Are we… good? Cause you kinda went all cold turkey on me…” He said with a humorless breath that made the knot in your throat double in size.

“I was kinda hopin’ you didn’t notice that…” You whispered and he slowly stood from his chair to reach out for your hand.

“‘Course I would notice.” He shrugged and took a step closer to you, tilting his head to see your eyes fixated on the file cabinet behind him. “Is everything alright?”

You swallowed hard, it felt like razor blades going down your throat as you tried to figure out what to say or how to start. His thumb grazed softly at your chin, pulling your face up and forcing your worried stare to meet his. Despite the generous bags that decorated his eyes, the look he gave you was swarmed with devotion. As if there were something more weighted behind it that his body couldn’t hold and it was filtering through the cracks. His stare made the guilt inside you grow even larger, roots now too deep to be pulled out. 

In a few seconds of selfishness, you pushed yourself off the desk and closed the little distance between your faces, carefully wrapping your lips around his. He answered back instantly, circling his hard arm around you and pulling you closer to him. You kissed him hard and you kissed him long, because the pessimist in you insisted that it’d be the last time you’d be able to after tonight. It was selfish, yes, but at least you would have a sweet trace of his lips to remember before everything went to shit. 

His grip on you tightened, teeth pulling at your bottom lip with contained insistence. He needed the kiss too. After weeks of not seeing you and the worry that he might have done something wrong to scare you away, having you back in his arms was a surprise ending he did not expect for a hellish day.

But you pulled away too quickly and the way your eyes had begun to water at the corners constricted his chest. He didn’t say anything, instead rubbed his calloused thumb in circles over your tender cheek.

“There’s something I need you to know,” You whispered with a soft sniff that pulled the threatening tears back down. “A-and I’m not sure how you’ll feel about… us, after.”

His frown deepened, pulling away only slightly but it felt like a crater had opened up between you.

“O-kay… What, d’you cheat on me or somethin’?” He joked lightly, trying to lighten the somber mood.

“No, no of course not!” Your answer was rushed. “It’s more complicated than that…”

You took his hand and led him to his chair, then sat cross-legged on one of the short file cabinets that faced him. With a few deep breaths and your heartbeat heavy in your throat, you began.

“Fuck, okay. So before I started working here, I used to work privately.”

“Rich folks in Lincoln, I remember.” He added.

“Yeah, e-except I didn’t really tell you the whole truth…” You gripped your hands together to stop the light trembling and took another hefty breath.

“I was fresh out of culinary school when I got the job. Joyce’s fiancé actually got it for me, one of his co workers had recently widowed and he needed help with the meals for him and his daughter. They’re lawyers, so the  pay was really good. My grandma was a bit sick at the time and we needed the money for her treatments. So I took the job.” Your breath seemed to thin out as the images formed in your head once again.

“Everything was fine for the first few months, y’know I just went in a couple days a week, meal prepped, left dinner then went home. I was the ghost that fed them.” You sneered, eyes fixed on your locked hands and only his bouncing thigh in your view. 

“Then uh, the guy -Isaac– started showing up earlier. He would.. ask about my day and how my grandma was doing while I made dinner for him and his six year old. He even drove me home sometimes, when it was too late or too rainy to take the train. There was a hail storm, around June last year, that closed off everything and I couldn’t go home so he let me stay in the spare room. We got to talking and…” Your eyes wandered over his face for a fraction of a second, but it was enough to see how his jaw had locked tight and he held an inexpressive façade.

“Long story short, he was nice and I was young and stupidly naive, so we started dating. Everything was good for a couple months until… Turns out his wife wasn’t really dead - just… abroad.”  

You finally had the courage to look up at him, slight surprise evident in his raised brows and he leaned back. then took one of his hands to rub around his mouth and chin.

“Shit…” He whispered.

“...Yeah. I, um, I was making dinner one night, some sort of celebration -I can’t really remember for what-, I wasn’t even supposed to be there, but I wanted to surprise him… and they just walked in, like nothing.” The image of your fingers began to blur together under the sheer coat of water covering your eyes. “Isaac told her I was just some girl he tried to help out, but that I became obsessed with him a-and that he had tried to fire me.”

The silence in the small room was deafening. Just your ragged breaths and his barely controlled ones.

“She slapped me. Called me a homewrecker and a whore. And threatened to call the cops on me if I didn’t leave immediately, so… I did.”

Carmy stayed silent, waiting for you to continue, but you needed to take a couple calming breaths before doing so. You hadn’t spoken about this with anyone outside your therapist and it was proving to be harder than you expected.

“He tried calling me weeks after. trying to apologize but I blocked his number and every other number he’s been using to call me since.”

Your shuddering breaths permeated in the small room, as you let him take in the information you had spilled all over the floor. Carmy’s eyes were on you, but looking through you, lost in thought. 

“Is that why you reacted that way when Richie lied about Sugar?” You nodded slowly and something seemed to finally click behind his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me before?” His voice was hoarse and barely controlled.

“I dunno…” You confessed in a breath. “I guess I was scared. I didn’t want you to think the worst of me. I think I’ve just grown so used to dealing with everything on my own that I didn’t want to be a burden to you…”

Carmy stood from his chair and crouched down beside you, hands holding both sides of your face and eyes glazed.

“Look at me-” He whispered and you did. “Please don’t do that shit, okay? Don’t hide from me and close yourself off- I hate that shit. You’ll never be a burden to me, alright? Not now, not ever.”

The guilt in your chest pulled once more and you felt your ribs concave with the pressure and force, a new batch of tears flooded your eyes that distorted the painful image of his saddened face.

“Is that why you’ve been acting so weird lately?” He asked.

You shook your head and bit your bottom lip with force.

“A month after that, my grandma got worse and I couldn’t find another job in the area. She- his wife- told all her friends that I tried to take her husband -which was complete bullshit- so no one would hire me. I was really depressed and it felt like everything was falling apart. I-”

Your chest shook again at the feeling of his thumb rubbing circles on your skin. 

“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to-“

“No, I do.” You argued, sniffing hard. “I-I used to drive Joshua’s car before. I… guess it was my car back then. One night, they called from the hospital to let us know she had passed. -I don’t know what happened- I just got so overwhelmed that I took the keys and ran out the house. I didn’t even bother to take my shoes…” You stuttered, rubbing the sweat from your hands on your jeans. “So I-I was driving barefoot and in shock and it had just snowed so the roads were slippery a-and I’ve never been the best driver-.” You were rambling, too scared to reach the part of your story that really mattered to him.

“I don’t really remember much of that, just… the loud crash and how my vision spotted for a few seconds.” Your brows were furrowed deep in a scowl, eyes fixed on the tattoo on his left bicep but not really there. 

Carmy’s breath had caught in his throat as he hung on your every word.

“I c-crash… on one of the pillars of the state street bridge. But I wasn’t hurt, o-or at least I don’t remember feeling it. I just remember this… pain in my chest -like I had been stabbed- and the snow nipping at my feet when I got out the car.” You bit your tongue as you tried to continue. Like your body was stopping itself from speaking aloud. 

You cleared your throat from the salty taste of iron. “I um… I remember standing in the middle of the bridge. For what felt like hours. Then the idea just popped into my head and it seemed like the most logical thing…” You whispered. “Like it would silence all my thoughts so I just… Fuck, I-I… climbed over the railings and almost threw myself into the water.” You struggled to say, no longer holding back the fresh batch that spilled from your eyes.

“That night on the bridge…um-” You couldn’t think of the right words to use, if there even were any to deliver such shattering information. “There was a man…” His eyes caught on yours and something inside them understood where you were headed, because his hands loosened their grip by your sides.

You shut  your eyes hard, you couldn’t do it with his painful stare burning into you. 

“I-It was Mikey, Carmy… who pulled me from the ledge. Before I could jump.” 

Your cheeks felt cold as he pulled himself away. You opened your eyes to find his hardened gaze frozen on you and he shook his head slowly.

“W-what? No, no he-”

“I’m sorry Bear I-”

“You’re fuckin screwin’ with me, aren’t you?”

He stood to his full height and raked both his hands through his hair. You stayed seated, something about the situation made you feel like a scolded child.

“No! I swear I didn’t know it was him-” You rambled, unlocking yourself from your seated position and taking a step towards him.

“Bullshit!” He shouted, turning to you.

“It’s true!” You shouted back, your voice broke at the end from the force. “I found out from the pictures at your sister’s…”

His jaw was tense as he continued to shake his head. “No-no, that doesn’t make sense… Why would he save you then sho-” He stopped himself before the words even formed in his mouth.

“You think I would know?! It’s been eating me alive for weeks!”

His stare was hard and intense, it made you squirm under it for the longest minute, until he decided to speak.

“When?”

“January…” Your voice was barely a whisper.

“Did he… did he say somethin’ to you?” 

“I cant-”

“What did he say?” He asked again with bared teeth.

“He said ‘You don’t want to do that’.” You answered defeated.

“What else?”

“T-that’s it…”

“Bullshit! What else?!”

“I’m telling you the truth!” You snapped. Angry tears rolled down your cheeks, but he didn’t seem to care.

“So, what?!You came lookin’ for me cause you owe him some kinda favor?! Are you just tryna pay it forward or some shit!?”

You stared at him bewildered, your chest ached from the lack of air and your ribs seemed to crack with his every word.

“What the hell would make you think that?!” You sneered back.

“Or did he tell you to come lookin’ for me?! Didn’t trust his stupid little brother to survive out in the world alone?!”  His expression had grown somber towards you, the eyes you had grown to love now looked at you with nothing but uncontained rage. 

 “Carmy, I’ve been nothing but honest-”

“Oh that’s a load of crap and you know it!” Carmy mocked. “Were you planning on telling me? If it hadn’t been Mikey -if it was someone else who saw you that night- were you gonna tell me?”

Your eyes darted around the room, his gaze too intense to hold. You heard his kitchen shoes squeak as he took a step towards you and the dance felt all too familiar inside your mind.

He whispered your name, painful and slow. “Answer me, please.” He begged and you dragged your tear stained eyes to his bloodshot ones.

You shook your head slowly. He rubbed his hand over his mouth painfully hard and turned his back to you, sniffing loudly into the ceiling.

“Remember what you said to me, the first night you stayed over?” He asked, turning to you. “You said ‘you know I really care about you’ right? And you said that if whatever this was, was gonna work out, then we should  tell each other this kinda stuff, even the ugly. You said that, okay? You.” He took a second to breathe, turning away from you again and taking his hand in his hair. “A-and now you’re telling me all this shit that you had to tell me only cause my brother’s the one that stopped you from-” Carmy stopped himself with a sharp intake. 

“Go ahead.” You sneered. “Finish it.”

“Guess you were right. “ he said instead, Avoiding your eyes. “It only works out when we tell each other this kind of stuff.” You heard a crack deep inside your chest. “And we didn’t so…”

“Carmy, your not being fair-“ 

“No- you don’t get to say that, alright?!” He shouted, “Not when you ask me to be honest with you, but you can’t do the same with me!” Carmy took another step towards you and your reflexes made you take one back.

His shoulders fell slightly and his hardened eyes flickered around you for a few seconds before turning to the desk.

“I don’t have time for this crap…” He whispered with his attention heavy on the pile of unpaid accounts resting tauntingly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You asked, though the answer you already knew.

“It means-” He sighed shakily. “God, y’know I…” His mouth pressed into a thin line while he argued with himself over what he could admit.  “-I really fuckin’ love you.” Your brows raised in surprise and the words knocked out any trace of oxygen in your cells. “But I have too much on my back already to deal with this shit right now…”

You scanned the blurry floor, then the desk and even the ceiling, anything that could take your attention from the stabbing sensation that you knew too well in your chest. “Okay.” Is all you whispered.

“Everything’s shit and-”

“It’s fine.” You answered a bit more harshly than you intended. “I get it.”

You wrapped your arms around yourself, doing your best to hold in all the pieces together, then walked past his defeated frame - avoiding any sort of contact. Before turning the corner, you stopped yourself, knowing the simple words would eat you from the inside if you didn’t let them out..

“If it's worth anything… I love you too.” You whispered and the tenseness of his back proved he heard you. “Just so you know…”

Your legs numbly carried you to your bag, then out the front door and with the last ounce of energy in you, you dialed the one person you trusted the most.

He picked up at the second ring. “What do you want?”

“Joshua, I’m at the restaurant. Can you please pick me up?” You whispered between tears.

“Shit-” You heard shuffling, the sound of keys then the slam of a door. “Y-yeah, yeah sure. You okay?”

“No…”

“Fuck, okay. I’ll be there in ten.” Your brother answered in a rush. “And Fox?”

“Yeah?”

“...Don’t do anything stupid, okay?”

A humorless laugh fell from your throat. “Okay.” 

Chapter 11.

Taglist: @pearlstiare @teteminne, @beebslebobs, @harrysmatcha, @yum-yahgurt, @pussy-f41ry and that’s it lmao

[snake-anvd]

*falls from the ceiling*

OW- oh- SNAKE HIII, I currently am getting accused of being a freeloader, anywaaay, how have you been

-🖤🗑️

OH- Dean- are you ok?? Why did you just..??

Whatever, I'm doing, uh, alright.

[askingchoso]

Sh-share? Um sure! Unless you wanna play this weird game Yuji told me about using a pocky stick called the pocky game, I can't remember the rules or anything because the moment he mentioned kissing someone i started tuning him out, like me getting a kiss from someone? On the mouth? For pocky? Yeah, right I'd rather just eat the pocky stick.

*Nibbles on another matcha pocky stick*

sides what's the point of that game anywaaay oh my gosh I've been talking waaaay too much I am so sorry Choso!

-Mochi anon

"Don't worry, that's ok" he chuckled "and yes it would be better to just eat the pocky stick normally" he said, before having a bite of it "It tastes good anyway..."

[fandomchaosposts]

Hi local girl! (is this ok or only local girl can call local girl local girl?)

How are you?

I might have a prompt for you (it's a bit vague, I'm sorry) but my prompt is (ehy wait, may I select the pairing too? That would be Carlando for me thank you!) Anywaaay, back to the prompt: kisses, soft kisses, languid kisses, goodmorning kisses, goodnight kisses, good race kisses, bad race kisses AND intimacy. I don't mean smut I mean, just existing in each other presence and be content and glowing. If the prompt is s*it i do understand that please ignore the ask 🙈 Byeeeeee 💛

about local girl, because you asked 😌

thingy under the cut because it got a bit long, I hope I included everything!!! I had so much fun writing about those too 🤗🤗

mi alma: my soul

mi amor: my love

mi corazón: my heart

mi luz: my light

“Good morning, mi alma”

Waking up next to his boyfriend was the highlight of his day. Just watching the specks of dust dancing in the sunlight, slowly sitting on Lando’s eyelashes as he murmured in his sleep. 

“G’morning, Carlos” A huge yawn muffled his words, but the huge smile adorning his face could never be hidden. 

Carlos moved one hand to brush the other man’s hair from his face, and placed a kiss on his lips. “Come on, sleepyhead, we’re gonna be late”

“Cuddle with me first?”

Well, he couldn’t say no to those pouting lips or puppy eyes. He opened his arms and shifted, placing Lando’s head on his chest.

“You know I can’t say no to you mi luz.”

~~

“Carlos Carlos Carlos Carlos! Baby! Congratulations!” He was practically beaming while waiting for his boyfriend to step out of the Ferrari garage. “You’re starting the race in front of me tomorrow, honey!”

Carlos could barely brace himself, before Lando came sprinting towards him and jumped in his arms. 

“I know, mi amor, you did amazingly today!” He wrapped his arms tighter around him. “I’m so proud of my little koala bear!” 

Every other word he had to stop, when Lando was peppering his face with kisses. He put him down on his feet again, before wrapping his arms lazily around his waist and bringing their faces closer. When he kissed him, he could feel time slowing down, like the universe was allowing them to have a moment of peace before they had to return to their hectic lives.

~~

“Good night, mi corazón. I love you.”

“I love you too, baby. I can’t wait to race with you tomorrow, I’ve missed those days.”

“Me too, bae, me too.”

He placed one last kiss on Lando’s cheek before turning the lamp off and going to sleep. He really loved those small moments with him.

~~

“I can’t believe I fucked it up so majorly! The pace was there, you saw it! I could have easily been in the top 10, if I had been more careful at the start. Ugh!”

“I know it’s frustrating mi amor, but you will have your chance again, trust me. You are an amazing driver. You’re my baby future world champion is what you are.”

“I know… You’re right, it’s just… It had so much potential, you know? The pace was there.”

He sat on the bed sulking for a few moments before turning to his boyfriend. “Cuddle time, Carlos, my love?”

“Always, mi alma”

He sat down on the bed with him and ruffled his hair. He placed a soft kiss on the top of his head and turned to envelop the other man in his arms. He really had everything he wanted in the world.

[decolonize-the-everything]

Ok I’m just real confused by this and figure different perspectives will help. What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

I'm rolling my eyes so fucking hard at this attempt at a "good-faith" ask sent by someone who's Clearly a TERF. Y'all always say "I just want opinions" and then proceed to ask the most bigoted bullshit???

Shut up is my opinion.

Especially with all the weirdly specific caveats you have for how I answer too, very boxy in the definition and clearly you think it's hard to answer. You think you got me, huh? Finally gonna get someone to admit that sex matters more than gender by posturing it as a question of sexuality? Finally someone will say biology is more valid.

You wish.

I'm only answering your question because I want you to know how wrong you are and I want everyone else to see this too for educational purposes.... This is what a "covert" TERF looks anon looks like.

Anyway the answer is:

Who cares :3

It's not a matter of what they get from men they can't get from women. But if you must know (and this may be shocking so hold tight) most gay men think men are hotter than women. What they get is to be with someone who they think is hot. That's what gay men have to offer other gay men that that women can't.

And it's not sexist to say that you're attracted to masculinity, femininity, or androgyny either. Those things have literally nothing to do with sex. Women can be masculine, men are feminine, etc. And yes what is considered fem/masc/andro varies from culture to culture. I fail to see what that has to do with anything or how it affects anything.

If I'm in the USA and I say I prefer femininity then people in USA immediately understand what I mean, they understand my preference. If I was somewhere else then they would obviously just assume I mean whatever their definition of femininity is. And maybe I relate to their definition or maybe I don't. If I'm in the country and need to redefine my preferences so locals will understand what I mean then I will. It's not hard. Just because cultural definitions change doesn't mean Attraction changes. It just means having to learn new labels.

Anywaaay

Like most people they just go "wow that person is attractive"when they see someone. What makes that person attractive is subjective and varies from person to person. One person's type may not be another's. If you identify as gay though it means your type is most often people that also identify as men (whatever that means in their culture).

Identities are not prisons with rules you have to live by, they're just convenient labels. Saying you're gay just means you're a dude who largely prefers other people that also identify as dudes.

That said, gay men and straight men hook up with each other sometimes. Sometimes gay men even hook up with lesbians and neither one changes labels ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ Nor do they have to. All that matters is that they both consent to what happens.

Our communities and labels have Always been used this way. We've always said sexuality and attraction and identity are fluid. Labels are just the easiest way to get your preferences across. That's it. They're not meant to be cages or definitions that you can perform wrong.

TERFs are so dumb "someone could just lie" Why would they do that? Who do you think is lying to date gay men??? Y'all are freaks for constantly having your brains wired to "how could I make LGBTs out to be predators"

Got any Freudian confessions to make?

Are you only attracted to people you can get something from anon? Do you think people need to have something to offer you in order for you to be attracted to them? How do you decide what they have to offer just by looking at them? Does your attraction hinge on that? Do you think that you need to have something to offer other people for them to be attracted to you? What is it that you think you offer if you don't think it's anything you listed?

How exactly have you objectified yourself just to fit in the bigoted boxes you bought for everyone else? How exactly have you reduced your own personhood? Were you aware that when you started the TERF pipeline that it would mean reducing yourself to just a set of organs? Did you know you'd have to trade in your ability to be a full, complex person in order to be a TERF instead? Do you know what self-objectification is?

Do you think your own gender is a performance? Do you believe your sexuality is? Do you think you're confused by attraction because your own idea of it is muddied by the lens of objectification & rigid rules you're trying to place on top of gender and sexuality? If there were no rules would you still identify the way you do? If nobody was there to tell you how to be, do you know if you'd still be you?

You know that you have more than just organs to offer your partners, right?

[weirdomellow]

My two cents on the GQ interview thing:

CE mentioning his gf in the GQ article is like that one annoying friend who has just started dating and keeps mentioning his new girlfriend in every possible convo randomly.

Like.. ok we get it. But the text doesn't make sense when you read it 😂 The flow is incoherent somehow. It feels like they HAD to put that wording somewhere. Anywaaay...

He is def in a midlife crisis (I think we all agree on that) but he is looking really gorg and dilfy ngl. Such a shame and icky that things unfolded this way. I am expecting some pap walk or photos around the release of Pain Hustlers and Red One.

I also agree with others mentioning similar things: He didn't have to kinda implicitly state that he is all good and doesn't need HW anymore especially during the strike but yeah.. In my country we have a word for this: "his salt is dry", which means he has it good and doesn't need to worry 🙃

[sunb0rn]

a week bago ipalabas Barbenheimer inaya ko na parents kong manuod ng Oppenheimer, with plans na nunuod din ako ng Barbie earlier the same day. until last minute nag sabi sila na ako nalang mag movie kasi nanghihinayang din sila sa gastusin ko, if sipagin panuodin nalang daw nila ng Mon or Tues kasi libre senior non (Pque).

matutuloy na sana ako mag isa ng Sat (July 22), tas sunod sila sa mall for dinner.

e nag aannounce ng work suspension sa govt. office for monday (July 24), sabi ko move nalang yung nuod ko para makasama pa din sila, tas libre. na ekis nga lang na isabay yung Barbie ksi tinamad din ako kumilos ng maaga. bali ang alis namin ng bahay is for Oppenheimer time slot na.

kaso ayon, di pala sila libre coz di naman kami tiga Pque (LP kami pero SM Sucat kasi pinaka malapit na SM) HAHAHHA sorry di tlga namin alam since bago palang sila na senior.

oks lang naman sa akin na ako gumastos kasi ininsist ko una palang.

sila, lalo si dady mukang na disappoint. kabado nga ako throughout the film lalo nung first hour kasi baka di magustuhan tas sabihin "sayang pera, di pala libre sa senior" tas maiinis ako kasi nilibre ko naman sila.

pero ayun, mukhang success at naappreciate nya pinanuod namin. di lang talaga yun yung movie genre niya HAHAHA. he was actually planning to watch Pirates of the Caribbean ata??

wala. dami dami sinabe eh hinayang lang sa Barbenheimer fit ko dapat. hahaha. naka pink akong cami top sa loob nung black na sheer polo eh, ang kaso yung sandals + socks na plan ko eh naiwan din dito sa Taguig.

acckkk sayang lang yung fit di ko na maximize. hahaha. "napanaginipan" (friday night) ko kase yon ano ba. i actually had a different Barbie fit.

pero di na din ako makakanuod Barbie kase masshort na me, namali yung budgetting + may pinautang pero goods lang kasi nakapag hulog naman ako sa savings na akala ko wala akong entry for this month 🙏🏻

anywaaay, i could be a shameless outfit repeater naman din, ibahin ko nalang ung pink top tas i-get up ko yon sa ibang pagkakataon. 😉

[thevoiceofdesertbluffs]

OK. I JUST REALIZED I NEVER PUT MY SMILING GOD THEORY ON HERE BUT. SOMETHING FUCKING MAJORLY CLICKED IN MY MIND WHEN READING It Devours!

SPEAKING OF, MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THAT BOOK AHEAD, AND WTNV AS A WHOLE IG! If you're interested in It Devours! and have yet to read it, i recommended reading it first if you can, IT'S VERY GOOD! Anywaaays!

•

OK. SO. It's established that the giant centipede in It Devours! is not the smiling god, right? Except. It was only established that it isn't the smiling god itself. This does not mean it's not connected to it! For starters, it lives in the Otherworld (i have more to say about that later), and for second, even though it for the most part acts like a normal centipede, things like the ritual (may or may not have) worked to summon it, and it also ate the pastor and her guy (i forgot their names help me) when they asked it to, which, would be kind of strange for just a normal centepede to do, right? That's where it clicked on me. That centepede is an offshoot of The Smiling God. Not exactly it but contains parts of it!

OK NOW it's time to talk about the Otherworld itself because. Hoo fucking boy. THE MOMENT EVERYTHING CAME TO ME WAS WHEN CARLOS SAID THAT ONE LINE. About how it feels like the Otherworld Itself devours. That. That's when it sunk in. The Smiling God wasn't mentioned as one of thw gods in the mudwomb because all of them are pretty physical and have normal physical forms. The Smiling God tho? It's fucking metaphysical. The Otherworld itself is a major part of it. It's a cold light. It's the otherworld. It's an earthquake. It's a centipede. It's all these things and none of these things. It's a metaphysical being with a metaphysical hunger. This is why huntokar didn't mention it. This is why it's the unraveling of all things. It's something far different, and far more powerful than the others, despite it's lack of a physical form and apparent need to manifest through greedy corporations in order to extend outside of the otherworld.

Yeah that all came to me from one line in the book. Anywaaaays, THAT WON'T STOP ME FROM HEADCANONING IT TO HAVE A PHYSICAL FORM, this is just, the canon of what The Smiling God is from my understanding!

[growingeclipse]

Hhhhh ok soooo I am waiting to see a doctor for surgery because I managed to slice a tendon yesterday, so things are going fantastic.

Anywaaay that's why I am posting more than normal because really fucking stressed and I hate hospitals so much...

Does anyone want to send asks or anons? I need to distract myself

Also null by mouth fucking sucks ass

[taegularities]

Hey darling! I hope that you’re doing better, I think everything it’s so chaotic and so overwhelming to the point that’s unbearable. I’m so sorry for the situation that you’re going through I sent you a really big and warm hug and I hope you can find at least at some point a little peace of mind. You know let me tell you a different perspective, in my country we tend to see 💀 as something beautiful and please don’t get me wrong 🥺, for us it’s not like they left us it’s just a really long rest and each time on November 1st and 2nd we remember them and they came to see us to visit us and spending time with but you now for me they never left us. That being said I will light a white candle for your beloved one and I hope that they can find peace.

Pd. definitely watching Coco it’s the best to understand our beautiful tradition 🫶

Anywaaay I’m so sorry if I bother you but I found a really beautiful poem about this. Take your time to heal and hug yourself be kind with yourself, we’re humans and we have feelings, it’s ok to feel this way but ma’am you’re not alone bubu 🤍

For the living, I am gone

For the afflicted, I never went back

For the angry, I was deceived,

But for the happy, I'm at peace,

and for those who have faith, I never went.

I can not be seen, but I can hear.

So when you're on the edge contemplating a beautiful sea - remember me.

As you gaze in awe at a mighty forest and its majesty - remember me.

While you look at a flower and admire its simplicity - remember me.

Remember me in your heart, your thoughts, in the memories of the times we loved,

the times we cried, the times we fought, the times we laughed.

Because if you always think of me, I will never go.

you're never bothering, this was such a heartfelt message and i appreciate it so much 🥺 your culture is beautiful!! i have watched and rewatched Coco, i love it so much. and every time it gives me a new sense of life? like it makes me want to appreciate all about life. had the same feeling after watching Soul!! but thank you truly, your words are encouraging as hell. and the poem is gorgeous. "for the happy, I'm at peace". i like to believe that this is true <3

[smilingangel582]

Hellooo it's been a while. I wasn't home, so as I'm a tk writer, I can give u one good common advice about holidays and day offs. Spend time with your family 👪 ❤️

OK, by the time I was home, I even watched Haikyuu!!! It was seriously the best, and I love everyone. The games were intense, and I suppose it's the second best as I still admire Blue Lock more. I mean, nothing can compare to creepy glasses -ahem I mean Jinpachi Ego's philosophy. Anywaaay... Haikyuu is the sweetest I watched, and nobody can change my mind. I have my eyes set on a certain setter in the game, and that is Tobio Kageyama! He's gonna be my ultimate and will mostly be used, lee!

Lers! I can think of everyone! Tehe!

So far, you guys loved my humbly and simply written fics, which made me cry, knowing there are people reading! Soooo I'm gonna write Haikyuu for u, which is going to be better! But beware kageyama is a lee for me... I can't change it