if you struggle with mental health, one piece of advice i would genuinely give you is learn to knit.
or crochet: something repetitive to do with your hands, assuming you're capable of it. if you're like me and learnt to knit as a kid but let it lie fallow for a long time, it may be that starting a large, simple project (for me it was a cloak, but a blanket could work too) gets you back into it. or maybe doing something smaller, idk. i personally found socks really hard for a while because they felt smaller than my cloak but weren't getting Done quick enough for me. as i've sped up i find it more interesting to knit socks.
regardless, a repetitive task is great for emotional regulation (also see: autistic stimming), and something that you can look at and go hey i've done something, unlike simply using a fidget toy, can also help to pick your mood up when the brain is being cruel.
it's also useful as a conversation starter or distracter if you don't know what to talk about. if you're wanting to talk to older people also you're more likely to reel them in with knitting (i work better with older people, and 99% of people who ask what i'm knitting are older than me). it also gives you the opportunity to not make eye contact because you're busy knitting, even if you're still carrying on a conversation. if you're absolutely stuck for conversation you can count your stitches and people might stop bothering you.
if you have trouble focusing without doing something with your hands, you can knit! i knit a lot in church, and it helps me to focus on what's being said.
i probably have more reasons you should pick up knitting, but i can't recall them right now, so yeah.
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been watching some infinity train video essays recently and come across a common criticism of book 2 that has absolutely floored me because it demonstrates a fundamental lack of understanding about what book 2 even says about personhood and reality. i feel it’s relevant to point out that most of the people who have this criticism are also unaware or dismissive of the trans-coding of lake’s character, because like.... the critiques are a) ‘lake’s number being a reflection of jesse’s was a cop-out’ and b) ‘lake being a metal person in the real world doesn’t make any sense’. and it’s like.. you just watched an entire narrative about how arbitrary constructs of personhood designed to demean and marginalise people are Bad and Dumb and there will inevitably be people a system doesn’t accomodate for, who deserve accomodation on account of their existence, and your takeaway was ‘well they didn’t make the metal person a real person. they didn’t assimilate to the status quo in a bona fide capacity’. like what the fuck lol
to elaborate on what i mean; lake being a chrome person is an integral aspect of who they are and their journey is never a pinnochio-esque ‘i wanna be a real boy’ self-loathing misery-fest (book 2 said fuck your transmedicalism and also, hey, as a disabled person, nice). by book 2, lake is adamant that they are a person and merely wants to be treated as such. lake is treated as a second class citizen on the train because of arbitrary social structures designed to ‘maintain the balance’ between the prime and mirror world, as mace puts it. it’s a social construct presented as an innate, intrinsic truth of the world by corrupt authority figures; have i mentioned trans-coding yet? lake’s journey wouldn’t be anywhere near as impactful as it is if they constantly lamented the literal make-up of their being, if they had to relinquish a fundamental aspect of their all-important identity to ‘truly be a person’. like, lake is not Becoming a person; they are a person, and they’re escaping a system that falsely refutes that.
this is why lake’s number is actually a genius writing choice, and very definitley not a cop-out. lake’s number is created on account of their physical being, can literally only exist in the way that it does because lake is reflective. to be told ‘you are a reflection, so you can’t have a number’, and then get a number not in spite of being a reflection but because of literally being reflective..... trans-coding. and also the only way to do a meaningful narrative about personhood. any notion that lake is not already fully a person on account of.... you know, existing and stuff undermines every aspect of their character and it’s genuinely baffling to me that some people don’t get that.
like, it’s apparent that the train (an artificial construct) cannot give a denizen (social construct) a number (also a construct, but an important one in the social system). it literally starts collapsing in on itself when lake and jesse apparently invent t4t in the number car, because it has not considered how to accomodate for people who exist outside of a narrow scope or binary (haha). to have lake somehow (?? how would you even do this lol like tell me your alt ending if you’re gonna prattle this nothing criticism) Become a passenger and get their number that way undermines their incredibly powerful assertion, again and again, ‘i am a person,’ ‘i’m my own person who is getting off this train’. because that says that this fucked up social system is in some way objectively correct and lake has to assimilate to it, when it has been actively violent against them, and dehumanises every single denizen on the train. which we have been told the entirety of book 2 is innately bad.
and also, it adds so much to the jesslake dynamic that i think evidently goes over certain people’s heads. lake and jesse are both the titular ‘cracked reflection’, both attempting to establish a sense of identity independent from others, and that’s a big factor in their closeness and understanding of one another. jesse’s second number scrolls from irrational number to complex number back to irrational number (square root of two i’ll get to you) because his problem— which is in turn lake’s problem— has threatened and cracked the train’s rigid system. it cannot comprehend it. jesse and lake together essentially take a shit on the train because like yeah, lake’s number is ‘just’ a reflection, but that is literally the point. oh my god why can no one understand basic symbolism like throughout the show we see lake’s face reflected in their own hands and we go ouogfoghgou i seeeeee they don’t have a number on their hand so we see them instead, yes yes personhood and identity i see. but the second people see a reflection of a number they can’t grasp what is simple but powerful in its meaning????
lake is a person. because they are a person. number is ‘proof’ of personhood on train but the thing that we’ve always seen in lake’s hand is them, the reflection of a reflection, and that’s their personhood, and now they’re cheating the system with another reflection like hello!!!!!!!!! they’re not meant to assimilate into the system literally anyone who thinks that is stupid and shouldn’t be allowed opinions. i am so sorry but holy fuck book 2 was like ‘lake’s personhood is innate and has always been there and they do not have to assimilate into a cruel system to escape it nor do they have to relinquish who they are to obtain freedom because there is nothing objectively flawed about their personhood, only objectively flawed perceptions of them by others’ and some people were like ‘ok but. the gender binary is real obviously’ and it’s like did you miss the bit where we brutally murdered the two cops emblematic of... well, cops, and also arbitrary oppressive social structures that are peddled as fact. holy shit. book 2 sweetie im so sorry that cis people don’t understand you like i do.
just to expand on that point a little more analytically; i’ve seen some people say that they thought lake’s number was a cop-out because it was ‘cheating the system’, but you’re sort of meant to think that. the train’s system is innately flawed, this is something the show makes apparent throughout its books. lake is cheating a system they cannot legitimately win at. ‘well couldn’t any denizen just write a number on their hand and ask one-one for an exit?’ idk maybe. i hope some of them try it and succeed. the train is an arbitrary construct, it is conducted, its judgement is not objective or perfect. why the hell should lake play by the rules when the rules are literally ‘you aren’t a person lol <3′. you guys are spouting some alarmingly right-wing rhetoric if you posit arguments like these. ‘oh but one-one can’t be evil though :(’ i don’t think one-one is evil, i think he’s a mostly well-intentioned robot that doesn’t fully grasp the complexity of what he’s attempted to create a clinical system to ‘solve’.
final point: if you think lake should’ve like?? become flesh??? when they got off the train, first of all you hate comedy and second of all, read above. this is not pinnochio!!!!!!!! the only ‘problem’ with being a reflection is the artificial construct of what ‘being a reflection’ means, and lake has rejected that, and they’re made of chrome, and that’s a fact, and they consistently utiliise that aspect of their identity to further their journey to the point of their exit from the train literally being manifested via the reflective nature of their hand. they are disproving everything that everyone says about them not by rejecting that aspect of their identity but embracing it. ‘you’d just go into the prime world with your... metal skin and, what? high school? prom?’ yes motherfucker!!!!!! suck on it!!!!!!!!!!!! some of you need to work a little harder to um.... Understand what a text is saying, and Comprehend subtext. again, this is not pinnochio!!!! good god. fuck me.
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man i have so many DMs to catch up with i know a lot of them are just ppl sending me posts but i literally am unable to keep up with all of them now day to day bc they will build up so fast, im considering closing dms
but on the other hand, i hesitate to do it because its one of the ways i interact with people and i like to be accessible (though I really havent done a good job of it lately at all)
to be honest my hours on tumblr have been reduced so much recently bc of my life changes. between jobs and friends and other stuff im not on this app as much as i used to be, especially when have free time i want to spend in other ways like videogames (which ive never really super gotten into before, ive been spending more time recently playing) or art projects (i dont have that much time to draw anymore since ive become so busy but i love sharing it still and im super excited to show more stuff)
most of my free time i spend with friends and partner now which is something i really didnt do/wasnt able to do before so im significantly less online in general
the reason im talking about this on my post about dms is because I dont want to just not be around or to be quiet and seem closed off, quite the contrary, I just cant keep up with everything ^^; so I hesitate to close dms because I wouldnt want to seem more closed off or distant than i already do
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Also a thing that's relevant is in the canto even when they meet face to face Catherine is never actually able to speak back like she physically can't, she must reply through her diary and play out a memory in response, because she's already in a state that's more dead than alive. Then all those convos really take more of a vibe of well. They're farewells. Of course Heathcliff never chooses to spend those moments chastising her for her evil lab or something! Their time is running out. Bringing that up wouldn't go anywhere, she's already seeing the consequences, and he's already seeing what the thought process behind it was, because he can tell it would've been the same for him, and in fact he drops this right before the thunder actually shows him the flashback in the coffin.
Now that he's back, the manor is Catherine's shame. Her diary is the only way that's left to reach for him, tell the story of the choice she's made, and it... does resonate with him.
Which! The erlking has already taunted him about before, responding to his claim that causing more death in this already ruined place isn't the way to go.
But he does in fact still make his own choice! Which is the heart of it! Why does he want her back? Well! All the way to the end the erlking and Catherine both think the only way to reach redemption is death, as annihilation. And Heathcliff definitely can relate. But by the end he still knows the only way to fix what you've broken is to keep on living and work with what you've got.
And in this scene Catherine is unable to reply, but what she does is try to do a little fix of her own- they're in the memory where her words made him believe she never loved him, so she opens the door to a moment where she was as clear as she was able to, to amend for what she's said. Small steps, but they're taking them nonetheless. Which is also why it's important to recognize hashtag wh of a certain future is actually the two of them and not anybody else:
Through the ghosts, which the whole time have been a dangerous presence that's aware of the workings of the #narrative, we actually get proof of what Heathcliff's belief was that made him able to defy that fate, which is that it's never too late to make a change, become a better person for yourself and the people that love you. Of course he wants her alive again. He's survived the abuse at the manor and started his way to become a person he can be proud of, of course he'd want that for her as well.
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