#okay SO! the things i've decided are worth what energy i have today:

[sussoro]

hello!! please tell me more about your detective for M who’s gonna freak out when they say ily because that reaction and the aftermath is going to be so so good 💆🏻‍♀️💆🏻‍♀️💆🏻‍♀️

hello to you too! hope you're doing well 💕 i'm really sorry it took me so long to reply, but i needed to sort through my very confusing thoughts to give them some sort of consistency, sjksjks. if you guys ever find yourselves curious about any of my ocs (which you can easily find here) please, do not hesitate to ask! i just love talking aimlessly about them and receiving these types of questions makes my heart all fuzzy and warm, so thank you for taking an interest in one of my wayhaven detectives!

okay, you didn't ask for my stupid rambles (and i swear one day i'll stop — *insert the 'today is not that day' meme*) so here are some facts:

RUE PARKER

‘the wayhaven chronicles’ canon

personality stats: sarcastic, easygoing & charming (also: not really a stickler for the rules and authority in general);

professional skills: deduction, science & combat — no matter what she's doing or how many times she's done it, the results will always be perfect and spot on;

rebecca → relationship status: not overly bad. honestly? could be better, but it could be much, much worse (personal note #1: rebecca is not my favourite character in the series and i'd probably be happier if she had died already — fingers crossed for book 5, sorry-not-sorry, becky — or, at least, if the narrative/characters would stop forcing the readers/mc to forgive her);

tina & verda → relationship status: best pals. her ride-or-die squad;

felix → relationship status: best friend. she found a mischievous kindred soul to relate with and if you ever encounter them together... run (there's this scene at the beginning of book 3, where adam/ava asks why the werewolves attacked them and rue answered with: "i may have made one teeny sarcastic comment", causing adam's/ava's soul to leave their body, lol);

bobby → relationship status: ex-boyfriend (personal note #2: i've always hated that the mc's gender/sexuality is what determines the ros' and bobby's gender) — she's not bothered by him at all, but since her responses are very sarcastic, well... rest in peace, robert marks;

mason → relationship status: a big, bright question mark;

personal canon

if i have to choose a few words to describe her, i'd say: naturally talented, wild card & big dick energy;

hyperactive little kid — couldn't stay still at all. always exploring the world around her, climbing up some tree/furniture or hiding somewhere in the house/backyard to play (the sitters tasked with keeping an eye on her went batshit crazy all. the. time);

as i said here, rue is extremely smart, often prone to boredom if something is not mentally challenging/stimulating enough (which can also be applied to her romantic relationships);

if you ever need someone to cut out some tension (or spike it up even more), she is the right gal for you. unfortunately, 99% of the time, the saying 'taking things seriously' is not part of her vocabulary (e.g. in book 3, when finding out about the trappers' bounty, she says: "how much am i worth?"). what can i say, she really likes to have a good time;

sarcasm is her default mode, plus she always downplays her feelings/emotions by either ignoring them or making badly-timed jokes;

rarely bothered by anything (e.g. in book 3, during the 'fight' with mason/morgan at the bakery, rue replies with: "me being naked is way more important to you") plus, not a jealous person ever (alima included, when she'll make her appearance);

was in an on-again/off-again relationship with bobby. after a while, though, she got exceedingly bored by the monogamous lifestyle and decided to dump his ass;

never had serious relationships/fell in love before — this is partly because: a) she's a free-spirited person & b) she's scared shitless of commitment (mostly caused by rook's death and seeing what that did to rebecca). in a sense, she and mason are quite similar;

just thinking about the word 'love' has her panicking really bad (i.e. after the 'date' at the antique shop), so when mason will inevitably confess his feelings to her... the only way i can see this going is with rue assuming it's all some kind of prank but, once her huge brain will catch on the fact that mason is not exactly the joking type, she will get cold feet and blearily say: "uhh, thank you, i guess?". after realizing what she has said/done, she will skedaddle so fast that the only thing people are going to see is an indistinctive, blurry form (later, she will definitely wish for an asteroid to hit her);

likes to sing everywhere: in the shower, at her workplace, inside the car, you name it (and she's also very good at hitting those high notes too — while she was attending the police academy, 'the karaoke incident' happened and no one beside her and tina knows the truth about it. verda is still trying to unsuccessfully bribe them to know what took place);

excellent chef — loves to cook/bake when she has some free time (she just thinks the entire process is pretty neat, starting with a few ingredients to achieve a full-on meal);

[inkofamethyst]

September 6, 2023

Actual goals for this school year:

Stay within my monthly budgets (I'll give september a pass if needed)

Take a programming course (in R or Python probably)

Go to fitness classes both to stay fit and to meet people

Maintain connections with interesting people (pretend to be the fearless extrovert)

Try at least one new recipe each month (again, september gets a pass)

Decorate my room

Go to symposia and talks in various departments; bask in the intellectual community

Read for fun or listen to audiobooks on occasion

No studying while eating (exceptions include: exam in 48 hours or less, expected reading due in 24 hours or less)

These are more like "additional" goals, I guess, since I would indeed like to become hotter, weirder, richer, more terrifying, and more unpredictable. I know I should become richer and I'm always on the trajectory to become weirder, but I may have to put work into the other three.

A wise man on tiktok once said "not every day can be a slay" and you know what? He was right. Sometimes it's totally worth having a chill day where you just don't put massive amounts of thought into your life. Yes, romanticizing the little moments feels good. But if it requires more mental energy than I can reasonably give that day, then it's not worth it. Same goes for outfits and meals and all sorts, really. It's actually something I've been putting into practice long before I'd heard it put into those words. Granted, a day of "non-slay" might look different for everyone. But it doesn't mean that I'm a failure for deciding to wear leggings or sweatpants on a day when I really just can't be arsed.

When I was talking to that random dude the day before school started, I told him that this school year felt different. He asked why and I had to say that I couldn't really put my finger on it. That was a lie. I just didn't want to make our lighthearted conversation into a therapy session. In fact, I could place not just a finger, but all of my fingers and some of my toes on it. 1. far away from home for an extended period 2. the whole thing with ~~~elite~~~ education (not imposter syndrome, more like the internal and personal discomfort of contributing to a system of hierarchies (the same way that race is a human construct that isn't really real but the effects of racism are real? academic elitism is socially constructed but has real effects (and you know ultimately this may not matter because the academic job market sucks and I may not be offered find a position (that I like bc why not be picky) in the first place lol))) 3. feeling very young 4. feeling ungrounded because, unlike the rest of my cohort, I came up here a week before school started and moved in merely days prior, so I wasn't nearly as grounded in my space as I would liked to have been. There's probably some other things that I just can't conjure up right now.

Full disclosure, most of the above comes from before school started. I'm not swamped with work, not exactly, but I certainly haven't had much time to devote to journaling (tbh this is exactly the time that I should be journaling). I don't really know where all of my hours are going (and maybe it's just the school adjustment period, it is only the second day, after all). I'll do a full recap sometime later. Ultimately: I'm doing okay.

Today I'm thankful that I'm doing okay.

Last thing: considering auditioning for/joining a choir. It's mostly undergrads, though they take grad students. It seems like a dope program. But there's a musical theatre one (also mostly undergrads lol) that also seems cool. It's been a long while since I've done MT. I do miss it, I think. But doing MT covers doesn't make me feel nearly as powerful as singing as part of a symphony :/ I could always go for the real choir some other year if I really wanted. I'll be here for six or so. I've got time.

I mean I've always wanted to do a musical theatre duet.

This could also just be pre-audition nerves ha.

[mamamittens]

I've got one last art piece left for my December event and it's finished! Hopefully I'll get that done (checks time --WHOOPS ITS 3 AM--)today? And then I've got a gift for a friend to do but I'm of half a mind to just write a fic instead but ig we'll see what I do.

OC sleepy ramble time!

Okay, so if I didn't go with the Elite Rangers Nikia backstory, what would I have gone with? Devil fruit I'm pretty sure I'd like to keep now included?

We'll I'm fond of "Random, randomly useful NPC energy" so I'd have likely chosen a traveling merchant who makes items with unusual properties. Jewelry, clothing, knickknacks, and the like. She's got a weird boat she sails like Beedle in Wind Waker (but more clothes and not as tiny or hard to use lol)

Very much a wandering spirit who very much likes giving incredibly useful if troublesome gifts to people. Most of the time they're worth it, but you definitely have to work for the benefit. Like, she may have made an amulet that Marco can have that slowly siphons DF powers so that they can be gifted to another. But it's like, it has to be a constant use thing to charge it and the time scale is wonky. Not very equal. So if Marco's constantly using it on a low level (maybe keeping him from feeling exhaustion cause he never sleeps) it would take a few weeks to have a second of charge.

If done right, this would be very useful in a pinch, enabling someone else to basically have Marco's power for even a short amount of time. But getting it there would be a BITCH and everyone would know just how self destructive Marco's bad habits are.

Shit like that. Not even sure if it would be a DF or just Weird Bullshit People Can Just Do like the pearl guy who lights himself on fire. It'd be funnier if it was just totally DF unrelated.

Then again I've always liked the concept of someone making Weird Powered Shit for no discernable reason. Just seems zesty to me.

Thatch courting her would be twice as funny this way because he'd constantly be on the lookout for this random ass boat and constantly trying to get her to stick around. Try out his food. Just, won't you stay? That ship can't possibly be safe on the Grand Line, can it?

Maybe she'd still have wings and she just decided to travel instead of being a ranger. Really fuck with people about what her deal is.

The real dream is to be a cryptid, mystifying everyone with random bullshit so they never know how horrendously awkward you are. Pity I, and by extension Nikia, hate fish. Like, as a food. Never liked the texture. No, not even shrimp, crab, lobster, river fish, or ocean fish. Sea creatures just don't appeal to me. So eating at sea would be a real fucking struggle, yikes lol

[declanlikesmusic]

Listening Highlights: Episode 001

August 13th to 20th, 2023

Hello! Just as soon as I've started a new series, I've decided to put it off and make a new series! (Expect this.) Trying to keep up with daily posts was simply not worth it. Much as I was so excited to kick that series off, I thankfully decided to turn it off before it became too much of a chore for me and I'm glad that I did. Because now, we have a different format to substitute it!

Welcome to Listening Highlights, where I go over what I've been listening to as of recently! There's no set time for each episode, I just talk about music when I feel Autistic enough to do it. I also wanted to be more selective with what I talk about this time around; for the most part, that didn't happen, I'm just so Autistic that I went over pretty much all of the past week. So let's go!

Drake – If You're Reading This It's Too Late (2015)

The first thing I listened to after the last Today's Listens episode, I spent that morning with the 6 God himself, the man behind such classics as Way 2 Sexy and that one line where he calls himself a lesbian. He's one of the most popular figures of music right now and it's to the point where either you detest his trajectory as one of the most bland musicians going or you're LosPollosTV. I'm in the former camp and I do not look forward to having to try out his latest records any time soon, but at least I have this mixtape to fall back on whenever I need a reminder that Drake can spit. This turned out surprisingly great & consistent. I especially loved most of the beats on here, especially the ones that were sampled on I'll Try Living Like This (a cool album & also vaporwave). The energy is great and Drake even has some touching vulnerable moments as well. I highly recommend it and probably no other Drake release.

7.8 / 10

Highlights: Legend, Energy, Know Yourself, No Tellin', Madonna, 6 God, Now & Forever, You & the 6

The rest of that day was not too interesting. I listened to Western Digital's lost signal, which was a decent vaporwave and broken transmission EP. I bring it up because its closing track, glowing (disintegration), is one of the most haunting, harrowing and almost hopeless pieces of plunderphonic music I have ever heard. I highly recommend it for that alone, it sounded like distantly watching the world burn and collapse in front of you while bunkered away. I then finally gave a listen to lilien rosarian's second album every flower in my garden, which I didn't care all too much for. As much as I appreciate the production & the pretty soundscapes, they felt much less like songs than her 2019 debut. After that, I took another very slow step in conquering waterfront dining's monotonous discography with the FEELS 感じている EP, which was actually his first release in general and not his debut album that I rated before. I cared for it even less; it was a much rougher batch of vaporwave that was particularly underproduced & repetitive.

billy woods & Kenny Segal – Maps (2023)

So I decided to go through with another 2023 release and this one I wasn't too particularly excited about. Abstract Hip Hop has been hit or miss for me most days and that's usually to do with the production, so when I heard that billy woods was joining up with producer Kenny Segal again after 2019's Hiding Places, I was even less thrilled at the idea, because I did not like that at all at the time and I only now think that album was okay. But holy shit, Maps blew my expectations way out of the water! The beats are far better here, by miles, the samples are awesome and the beat drums are consistently excellent. billy woods continues to be a great rapper but it's not usually the lyricism that sells a hip hop record to me. It's the production that helps make me wanna look into the lyrics and this album handily succeeds at letting billy shine like that. I came out of this record with so many favourites, way more memorable highlights across the board than on most other billy records I've heard so far. Extremely high recommendation, genuinely makes me feel like I've been missing something from billy's records all this time.

8.4 / 10

Highlights: Soft Landing, Soundcheck, Blue Smoke, Babylon by Bus, Year Zero, Baby Steps, The Layover, FaceTime, Houdini, Waiting Around

Skimming through some more albums here, you'll notice one of them is home to one of the biggest vaporwave & future funk songs of all time, Private Caller. This is SAINT PEPSI's split album with ショッピングワールドjp titled Winner's Circle. I wanted to give this another fair shake, just in case SP's overshadowing of JP's side comes off as undeserved. But no, that first side is genuinely some weak & weirdly produced mallsoft-ish vaporwave. Not my cup of tea in comparison to the great second half. Speaking of giving lower vaporwave albums a fair shake, when christtt tells you this is one of the best vaporwave albums of all time, it's always a coin flip as to whether that's even close. Careless Messenger Recordings✆ (division under Comtex)'s sole album Suddenly Mega is not close at all. It's one of the slowest & most lethargic listens I've had in a vaporwave album and some of its many cuts are especially poorly produced.

Skymmr – your new home (2017)

Back in 2017, there was this group of very tiny vaporwave & plunderphonics producers who were given the password to a Bandcamp page and told to run wild with it. It was a practice that, in many ways, was horrible in hindsight, with how shoddily it was managed and how toxic some of the people in the group were. But underneath all of the gunk they shoved out, one record by fellow Aussie Skymmr stood out as not only a captivating example of the extremely abstract ethos of the music released there, but also was great & conceptully fascinating. your new home is a 7-minute 7-part suite of experimental plunderphonics & vaporwave sound collage and it's very cryptic about this theme of entering a new home and it not being at all what it seems. The result is probably the only record of that collective I ever regularly came back to and it even held up for me today. It's not my highest recommendation, this is definitely a more personal thing to me, but if you're curious, do check it out.

8.4 / 10

Highlights: gazing through the window, the man in the bathroom pipe cleaning (he isn't what he says he is), isn't this your new home?

The next day, I felt like kicking off the morning with some metal and one of my girlfriend's highest recommendations was Between the Buried and Me's Colours. It was a damn great time with some incredibly high energy throughout. After that was Ariana Grande's Sweetener, not my first full-length experience with her music, but one that I decided to rate first here anyway thanks to my favourite discog diver. That evening, me and my girlfriend decided to do a discog diving listening party ourselves by listening to every song netbooks.WRLD publically released to Bandcamp, which amounted to only two and a half hours. It was an excellent time and constantly high energy & fun. I recommend his debut album ENDLESS STAIRCASE for getting into his currently short but incredibly promising catalogue.

The day after that, I slogged through DJ VLAD's frankly exhausting Hardvapour. double mix. It was an okay time with some highlights, but it frankly served as a reminder of why that submovement of vapour burned bright & fast with toxic fumes. A few months back, I was recommended You're Doomed. Be Nice. by Rob Crow's Gloomy Place and to my pleasant surprise, this was a genuinely great indie rock record. The riffs & choruses were shockingly well-written and pretty catchy, through my only gripe was how understated the majority of it sounded. Still, I fully loved my experience with that album, unlike Facade by one of vaporwave's earliest come-and-go producers Psychic LCD, which I only loved about half the time. This was a full detour into progressive electronic ambient music and hoo boy, it sure sounds like it. It's definitely an ambient album with hints of progressive electronic music. It's decent, but I just don't think it should necessarily be noticed.

stab something – the art of copyright infringement (2014)

The end of that day, I tackled the final multi-track release by the early 2010s duo of stab something, which comprised of then-upcoming vaporwave legend christtt alongside then-upcoming beloved trans songwriter & producer Jamie Paige. They went on their separate ways after this particular EP, but my god, at least it still they had the magic in them together. Their full-length self-titled album is frankly astounding; it's some of the creative, upbeat & fun glitch hop / plunderphonics records I have ever heard and while this EP is much more small-scaled by comparison, it continues what made the duo so good. It's only 15 minutes, 5 tracks but it's just as creative, upbeat & fun with glitch hop & plunderphonics as that album, albeit without fully-fledged cohesion, which is kind of in its nature. I dearly recommend both of these records, at least the sole album itself.

8.6 / 10

Highlights: in and out, cheesecake

What else have I heard this week? Well, there was this one time two vaportrap icons VAPERROR & COCAINEJESUS collaborated under the Love Potion duo moniker with their album XXX. That was amazing at the time and even now, it's still an incredibly consistent and great wave album. I also listened to non-canon by Late Arcane after hearing their great album PreQuel from this year. This was more of the same punchy and creatively chopped together vaporfunk that was provided there, although on first listen, it's a lot lesser for me by comparison. There was also the first of a series of EPs by Street Sects, Gentrification I. It was mid. Whatever magic they were forcing through on their debut album End Position might just be a fluke after all these years.

There's about five more records that I heard after that, but at this rate, I kinda don't want to say much about any of them? Not because they're bad, not really, I just cannot say any notable things about each of these records, not even as much as I already did the rest of these. I adore Everything Everything as a band, but A Fever Dream is easily one of their weakest efforts, even if it's still a bit great. This weird STAR GIRL alias I heard many years ago put out the weirdly fascinating RNBW EP almost a decade ago (what the fuck) and I decided to finally listen to its predecessor, STAR. It was much less captivating & interesting despite being kinda similar in concept.Rebecca Peake was another side-project of death's dynamic shroud members, but even when compiling songs from the first two months of recording a song every day for a year, The World's Strongest was so inconsistent that I can hardly tell you what to make of it. Bladee & Ecco2K's Crest was just not a good listen to my ears. There's a 9 minute song that felt like 6 different tracks, I had to check what I was listening to multiple times. Plus, aside from Ecco clearly singing the higher passages, for the most part, I could not tell these two apart. Call me a not-member of the Drain Gang, I guess. Finally of this batch, I checked out bodyline's ファンタジーモニター、which was another healthy serving of really deceptively simple but clearly well-produced vaporwave. I do love what they're often going for, but this was just barely my least favourite so far; still very damn good.

I wanna close out this retrospective with two albums. First being Anderson .Paak's Oxnard, which is in my opinion, one of the most underrated albums of the past decade. Not that .Paak is not popular, he clearly is, that Silk Sonic album was excellent, but before that, people were dying for another Malibu from this guy and while they ended up getting that in the form of Ventura, it was not before the music community got "let down" by Oxnard and they dragged the album for it. I think it's a great album with some excellent singing, rapping, songwriting and producing across the board. It was really slept on. Lastly, Blank Banshee just incredibly recently dropped his fifth mainline album 4D. I have a lot of thoughts that I don't even think are cohesive yet on just one listen of this brand new thing, so that's why I've decided to give it its own review on RateYourMusic that you can check out right here.

There you have it. Where I've been with music for the past week! Will I do something like this again? Hopefully! Will I talk about a full week's worth of music again? Hopefully not! Until then, stay safe and tie your shoes!

[omni-scient-pan-da]

Okay so new college post instead of reblogging that infinitely long one but here's the gist of the situation under the cut, it's a ramble, and I'm mostly just trying to get my thoughts coherent so no need to feel obligated to offer your sympathies or anything like that because of the situation kinda thing @omni-scient-pan-da

Okay so-

I applied to 10 schools because my guidance counselor got me a fee waiver

I applied to 5 in state schools and 5 out of state schools (four of which were Ivy Leagues and one of which was Ivy Adjacent so like a long shot)

So far I've been accepted to all 5 in state schools and rejected from 1 out of state school and I'm waiting to hear back from 3 Ivy Leagues and the 1 Ivy League Adjacent

But see... The thing is, Michelle also got accepted to one of the in state schools, aka the most prestigious school in our state, and that's like her dream school and she already committed and everything, and we had joked in the past that we should room together if we went to the same college but since we both got in, Michelle has been like... Seriously talking about us rooming together

And she understands and supports the fact that I'm still waiting on admissions decisions from 4 schools, but ALSO (backstory time)

My parents are separated and my dad is an asshole

Unfortunately he's also an asshole that makes all the money, we live off of like pure child support and then my part time job is used to pay for things for myself that way I don't have to ask my mom for money

My dad is such an asshole that he refuses to fill out the fucking financial aid documents so I can afford to go to college

The ONLY way I'd be able to warrant going to an out of state school is if I have financial aid because they'll take the cost from like 60k-80k down to like free with the bracket we fall under

My father refuses to fill out the financial aid, there's no way to get financial aid without him filling it out, regardless of if I get accepted to these four schools, I don't think I'll be able to afford to go

Anyways, my mother is very upset about this but I've more or less come to terms with it, I've applied for every scholarship I can to go to the prestigious in state school and I would very much like to room with Michelle and start planning dorm layouts and fun things like that, but like--

If I get accepted to any one of those four school's I'll have to decide to not go

Like I'll have to choose to not go because of financial aid or whatever reason

And it'll have been my choice

But if I get denied from all four of those schools I don't have anything to worry about because it makes sense for me to stay in state then, and the only "choice" I have to make suddenly becomes a no-brainer

Apparently the Ivy Adjacent school is announcing their decisions a week from today, which is much sooner than the Ivys who aren't releasing their decisions until March 30th kinda thing which is stressing me out

On one hand it would be really nice to get in, it would be proof that all the hard work and effort I put into school all these years, all the tears I've cried all the late nights I've pulled away worth it to get perfect 4.0 grades in advanced classes

... but on the other hand I would have to make a decision that will probably end in me denying the opportunity to go to a very prestigious school with a good genetics program and I... I really don't want to have to make that decision

So it's not like I don't want to get in, because I'd be very grateful for the opportunity I'd have to attend an out of state school

But for the first time in YEARS I can actually picture a future for myself? And I haven't been able to do that since I was a kid and I really don't want to have to choose between that future I've envisioned for myself and all the what ifs I'd be missing out on if I didn't push myself out of my comfort zone and leave the state to go to school

Idk it's just... A lot of decision making and even though I put a lot of time and energy into those applications, part of me hopes that I just get rejected that way I don't ever have to make the decision between the two and I won't have to wonder what would have happened if I made the other decision

Idk if that makes any sense but yeah, we'll see what happens next Tuesday and then at the end of March with admissions decisions and... Well, here's hoping for an easy decision 🤞🏽

[beingdreeyore]

I did my practice essay. It was okay. Not great. Determined to do another one tomorrow. I'm aiming for three a week, but right now 2/week is an achievement. I'm not sure how being able to quote references under exam conditions is going to make me a better psychiatrist, but these are the hoops and jump through them we must.

I've also danced. The first at home dance in what might be a month? It felt really good to move again. My back is still crunchy but the physio said to do three classes this week and just take it easy. I really enjoyed the movement this morning and I think my body did too. It was a nice reminder that sometimes I'm just happiest in my own space, doing my own thing, all alone... It's also a much cheaper way to do things given how expensive dance is getting. Then there's that I'm not loving it right now...

I'm having issues at the dance studio. My teacher who is usually so lovely to me has been snapping at me. I have analysed my behaviour in class and for the life of me I don't know what I've done to annoy her. Two people have asked me in different ways if she and I are fighting. Not that I know of? If we are, she didn't tell me. It's now at the stage that I'm so anxious before class about how she is going to be, that I can barely look at her when I get there. I distance myself away from her and no longer speak in the class unless spoken to. I keep my head down and my face blank. I don't know what else to do when someone is directing hostility at me but won't tell me what it's about. More students have left the studio as she has her core ten students these days that get all her attention. I'm not sure when she just decided to have favourites, but it is killing her business. Students never stick around through the baby levels. The do one term then go somewhere where the instructors are excited to see them. I don't blame them. All the instructors only teach advanced level classes now and that's not where the numbers or the money is. So the studio has less and less classes each term as people start looking elsewhere. I keep asking myself if it's time to walk away now too, to find someone else to teach me. My warped sense of loyalty prevents me leaving though even though I'm not sure how to recover from what's happening. I don't know whether to stick by someone who used to be my friend or make the call that this isn't how friends behave. She showed me such kindness and support for so long though... But it has been two months of this now. Two long months where I don't know if I have the energy to get snapped at while doing something that's meant to be a fun hobby.

Otherwise though, the groceries are done. The meals are prepped. The bathroom and floors are clean. The washing is just finishing up. It's not even 2pm and I feel like I've done two days worth of work today. I'm feeling accomplished but also more than a little ready for a nap. I'm trying not to think about the dance studio. I'm ignoring the lump of cash that appeared in my PayPal account from S the Ex and refusing to take the bait.

Its a sunny winter day out though and despite it's challenges, it's still such a nice and quiet day.

[sweetswesf]

Check In

What I Did Today

Actually woke up w/my alarm

Procrastinated getting the day started after waking, but at least I did not hit snooze!

Worked out

Talked to my gym crush...albeit nervously, but I still did it!

Accepted the invitation to the event hosted by the only 2 men I've slept with...then invited a friend...then commenced to trying on what I plan to wear...I hope I don't have a nervous panic reaction and start shaking when talking to one of them like I did last time in a surprise encounter of them *eyeroll*

Worked for about 6 hours on the AlgoExpert videos! This is the longest I've spent on them.

Cooked all my meals, never ordered out, and ate pretty balanced!

Stayed pretty hydrated

Took a walk for 10 minutes after dinner

Got over 10k steps

Did BOTH of my face wash routines

Look at this progress!

What I Learned Today

Hash tables, stacks & queues, strings, & runtimes of their common operations

I can do this!

Feeling

Accomplished; I got a LOT done...more than I thought

Proud of myself; I didn't even need a nap nor did I get hella tired today

A bit more energized now that I'm averaging a bit more hours of rest at night and a little less constant stress...work put a LOT of stress on me...no matter what I did, I always felt like I was being watched or should have done something better, or that I should have been monitoring something that I deployed somewhere

Hopeful that I can keep this up and do better

Grateful that I don't have crazy headaches anymore...slight dizziness...but, I just remind myself to keep pushing through

Takeaways

I'm going to get something like that house in Spain

Don't allow my mind to think negative thoughts

As I have heard throughout my life, I gotta stop being so hard on myself...

How I Got Myself Out of a Rut Today

My friend telling more people I am looking when I am not trying to interview drove me nuts for many reasons: 1) I have a LOT of things lined up that I am PREPPING for!!!, 2) I TOLD him I was not trying to interview right now...MANY TIMES, 3) I would NEVER apply to the places he's volunteering my name for without running past me, 4) This lowers my stock having someone search around for me when I don't want or need them to...After telling him to chill and taking a big sigh, I got to work, because I need to shake this identity off me! LOL If I was prepared, I wouldn't even have aggressions like these! It sounds spoiled, but I hope y'all understand; I appreciate his gesture, but he's deciding to ignore my judgement despite me telling him, and throughout my life I have been trying to show people that I got it and some just don't trust my word, even if I was trying to prove it to them (which I'm not)...

Wasting less time overall

Telling myself it's okay to feel tired and that it was going to be worth it

Goals Completed

Found a therapist

Stopped listening to people worried about their own circumstances and remembering God works on his own time and that I am in no rush...

Got back on the ball

Being kinder to myself and stopping guilting myself if my energy isn't always on 100%

Goals After Today

Strengthen my relationship with God

Understand the main concepts I need to from Interview Cake, AlgoExpert, etc. in 6 months, NOT less than 3

Drop my body fat percentage to Marion Jones, Michaela Cole, or Jade Cargill levels

Consistently fight urge to fill up my time with social media/YouTube

Fully forgive my family & build a great relationship with them

Be more confident & faithful

250 steps/hour & 10k steps/daily consistently

Drink more than 64oz a day consistently

Go on a date with a guy I actually like who actually likes me too

Learn more about my gym crush & get him to ask for my number

Get a house similar to that one in Spain

Update my personal app

[jodilin65]

Finished watching another episode of FBI.

The latest VZ challenge is out. There are five rides ranging from 27 to 56 miles. I'm going to be riding through New York, Spain, Australia, Hawaii, and the UK.

They used the quieter mower, so I was able to sleep through it. That’s good too, because it seems like the second Alexa I set up may have quit at some point during the night.

Prosebox is still down for their upgrade. They should be back up before I get up. As soon as I check it out, I'll decide whether it's worth staying or not. I hate it when websites and apps become something completely different from what I joined them for.

I used the nasal rinse that the doctor gave me, but I'm not sure it did anything for me. I think the nasal spray I normally use will be enough now that I know I shouldn't have stopped it in the first place.

I was surprised that my blood pressure was only 112/74 at the doctor's office yesterday. It might have been because I wasn't drinking much since I didn’t want to have to pee along the way there.

I made a lot of calls today. I rescheduled the glaucoma doctor because I wasn’t going to be able to make the original appointment. Then I had to call back and reschedule again because I stupidly forgot to adjust the length of my day on the program. When he first wrote it years ago, my circadian clock was at 25 hours and 15 minutes. A few years ago, we had to bump it up to 25 hours and 22 minutes. Now it's at 25 hours and 36 minutes. I'm really starting to wonder how much more it's going to progress over the years. It is something that worsens with age, though.

So, I see the glaucoma doctor in the middle of next month and the ENT at the end of next month. Even though it's a different ENT that I've never seen before, I worry about him canceling on me like the last one did. Unfortunately, the glaucoma doctor can't do an eye exam at the same time he checks my eye pressure. Some woman does that, but I didn't bother to make an appointment just yet.

The ENT's office also had me call the pulmonologist's office to give them their fax number so they can fax whatever info they get from the company that tried me on a CPAP for the results of my original sleep test.

I'm still interested but a little concerned about Inspire. I would hate to have it implanted and then find it didn't help.

One of my biggest concerns is discomfort with the device even after my scars have healed. I don't expect to feel anything if I'm just sitting there, but if I lie on my right side or my stomach, I worry that I may feel it, although I didn't feel the heart monitor device much. That was a little lower, though, where there's more fatty tissue. This thing is described as being the size of a small matchbox.

My other concern is whether or not I can get used to the electrical impulses. Some things I can adapt to, and other things I can't. I never could get used to sleeping through noise or movements, so there's a little bit of worry there. If it's consistent, then maybe it would be okay. I honestly don't know what to think. I mean, I'm interested, but I do have concerns. This isn't something I can simply return like I could the CPAP.

My lesser worries are the usual risks that come with surgery. Because they're going to be working with the nerve at the base of my tongue after "slitting" my throat, there's always the risk of nerve damage, infection, and other issues. In addition to the chest incision and the cut just under the chin toward the right where the device will be, they sometimes have to slit the side of the neck from under the chin toward the collarbone. I know it sounds horrible, and I know I would be in pain for a few days just like I was after having my gallbladder removed, but it would be totally worth it if it helped. If it could help my energy levels and my brain function, that would be great!

Oh, another concern is my breathing. Tom thinks the only reason I had problems breathing after the last surgery is because they were cutting muscles that affect breathing in the diaphragm area. Well, I sure hope I wouldn't wake up so short of breath because this is a more complex procedure that would last longer. It takes less than two hours to remove the gallbladder, but this would be a two- or three-hour procedure.

Although there will eventually be longer-lasting batteries, the current battery lasts 11 years. So although the surgery wouldn’t be as invasive to replace the battery, that's something that would have to be done when I was around 70 if I got the implant.

[castle-dominion]

c1x9 little girl lost

sdkjfasjkld second last episode, this season was kind of short. Oh so THAT'S what a bear claw it. My family was arguing about bear paws, white claws, monster energy, funnel cakes, elephant ears, beavertails, crepes, croissants, donuts, deep fried croissants that ARE donuts, pate a choux donuts which I think are called cruellers, danishes, & we just didn't know what a bear claw was.

*shoves it in his mouth* Castle is right "only because it's about me"

She's not naked. She's holding a gun... strategically.

Yeah she is in homicide... RM: 'Cause I like pissing off the FBI. And because you think outside the box. That's something the Feebs rarely do. Oh an ex? RC: Actually, I'm not. Who's Sorenson?

Square jaw on this man. Castle just there RC: Writer of wrongs.

Ah yes, kids raised on TV. I mean you might need a few minutes & the TV is a fine babysitter but babe u should have your earbuds OUT.

I just noticed, there was no intro. ig bc there was no murder. I like how this is a child abduction case not just a murder.

True, most abductions are from someone u know or someone related.

KB: Yeah, I know. You were not asking very loudly. I remember the mirror scene in s2.

Ryan with his castle book lol. & she pats him on the shoulder & he's on the phone.

KR: *just talking abt the case* *they all turn to face each other at the desks* RC, physically taken aback: Whoa!!!!!!!!!!!! *espt looks at him sharply, beckett simply watches* RC: Sorry. Sorry about that. That tie took me a little by surprise. *esposito & beckett laugh* KR: Okay. Get it all out. This is a gift from my girlfriend. JE: "Girlfriend"? KB: Already giving gifts, huh? KR: Today's our two-week anniversary. All three: Ooooooooh JE: Two weeks! Is that the paper or the silk? RC: I believe it's the whipped. JE: Good one. KR: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.  Ok uh spoilers for s4 but gyrating jenny? I said two weeks is like maybe one or two dates worth of knowing each other. Mum said no it could be that they went on a date every night & if you only dated once a week it would be comparatively three months of dating. Which ok a quarter year can be a celebration. BUT here's the thing, right now they were I think dating several people each. "I went on a date with her, I went on a date with her, I went on a date with Jenny, I went on a date with him, I went on another date with Jenny, hmm I've given this gal two casual dates maybe it's time we start an actual item." But then why would u get a fortnightversary tie? Maybe bc after casually dating for two weeks u decided to get together properly & that was the gift? But I thought mike/jake was a month into their relationship... Ah well whatever, if they had a non-exclusive relationship (so ig an open relationship) for the first bit then good for them, it brings poly vibes to the relationship & boom fanfic fuel. Anyway ha here we go continuing on. Maybe this is what gets ryan to start wearing ties more often. Btw I saw a fic recently where ryan said his gf got him the tie & esposito was mad bc "I don't mind being called ur gf but I am not taking the blame for that tie" actually it was a vignette per episode for the first season, 100 words each. P good. "If you were having an affair, would your best friend know about it?" ok so espt didn't know ryan had a gal & it's been Two Weeks?

They afford a cleaning lady??? rly??? I hope the bio mom gets to stay in contact with the kid. native kids are disproportionately represented in the system & at least the parents seem to be native too. (Unless they're just (euro)spanish bc spanish ppl can get p dark, unlike my celtic & (not-too-far-east) slavic friends who are white af; & fake tans are in right now. Have you ever seen those quizzes where they cover a fellow's face & u have to guess whether she is black or has an aggressive tan? Yeah I thought the kardashians were black for ages before someone told me they were white. Like one time at a lake in the summer one of my neighbours had a tan but throughout the day at the beach he darkened up; I saw a black man out of the corner of my eye but when i did a double take it was my white neighbour. I was like woah u look more black than some of my black friends. anyways i'm kind of hoping that the adopted parents are native bc, well, icwa & all that)

Good voice change ig But you need proof of life. She has a very wide mouth WS: It's not about what you say. It's about controlling the situation. Controlling the emotions. He is not wrong RC: Must be fate.

Weird breakroom shots here. Where are they...? Good for him, painting during stress is a good way to cope. Guy lost his kids? Yeah I can see this

At least rick settles the argument for them, going to observe instead XD castle

KB: Mr. Ellers, Detective Kate Beckett. NYPD. WS: Special Agent Sorenson, FBI. JE: *looks meaningfully at ryan but my social skills aren't as good as maybe they should be so idk what it means* The spinny spin is not too much but... it is a bit nauseating... just a bit

Castle they need to check either way. WS: A couple dozen best-sellers doesn't make you a criminologist. RC: I also don't need a weatherman to tell me that the sky is blue. (we watched this when the sky was orange from smoke & now I'm watching it right after the sky was green from smoke & refraction) KB: Oh, for godsakes, why don't you both just drop your pants and get it over with? RC: I'm ga...me. Point for the castle queer headcanons (Makes me wonder why beckett didn't say that to rysposito during the dirty dozen names for suspects battle. I read a fanfic abt that the other day. Actually I think it was the same vignette-per-episode fic I mentioned earlier.)

Well that was nice, I wasn't able to start my castle binge watch very early bc mum had an online interview, then she left for an ultrasound, (I started my castle watch) & then she came back home for lunch & we started a puzzle together. It was very nice. Now she's off to work & I already did some chores while she was home so I'm free to finish castle s1, possibly plus commentary versions!

Castle being good for once. He KNOWS she needs him to go home & he wants to argue but he checks first & then finds out he needs to give her space, but then he still tells her to call him if she needs.

MR, leaning back in rick's office chair: I mean the source of your power. *raises hands* The source of your power, Todd, is you. *She points to him with both hands* At least rick is somewhat playing along lol

Oh i see the weird little dog thing I love her 'isms. RC: How is it that you don't know who my father is, you don't know how your ex-husband stole all your money, yet you are giving life-coaching advice? Freud was not the father of psychology he was the senile grandfather Rick goes to hug alexis not martha lmao *spins her around all full of fatherly love*

Poached eggs are not my fave to make diner style XP Over-easy XD Oh fun fact technically there is a difference between over-easy & over soft. Over easy is: sunny side up; flip, one two, off. Over soft is when you flip the egg & wait for it to get to the soft stage; over medium is when the yolk is somewhat set, & over hard is when the yolk is completely set. Most people don't actually distinguish it tho.

btw beckett outfit update: weird jackett. it's nice it just has some stuff going on. typical detective coat.

He's kind of sweet here. I feel bad for beckett, she liked him but he had to keep moving & this seems like it happens her her, well, more than rarely. Will had to leave, Tom she broke up with, Josh had to leave but then returned then she broke up with him... RC: Oh! I thought cops and Feds hated each other. RC: They say justice never sleeps. I think I know why. KB: We were just, uh... RC: Being consenting adults. I'm not judging.

RC: I did go home, but then my mother told me something that couldn't wait. WS, thinking he lives with his mom, not that his mom lives with him: You live with your mother? RC: Yeah. Apparently, we're peas in a pod. But the important point is, Angela's adopted.

Yeah! Most abductions are from someone the kid knows. RC: Is that supposed to be an insult? Because Nancy Drew solved every case. 

Hm, Gomez is a spanish sounding last name, the kid looks latine, but lucia looks way less native than I thought. Love how she proves it by pulling out her driver's license Oh juan is def a spanish name.

Love how ryspocastle just drives up out of nowhere. Yep boy could be native, but again, could also be tanned & spanish. Their kid tho, angela looks way more native than either of them

The most real guy on the show: Look, in my neighborhood, when you see a cop - that's what you do. KR: ach Can you believe this? He details cars for a living. He could have a little more pride in his ride. *envelopes fall from the visor when he wipes it; he holds his arms up slightly* Wow it IS a pissing match.

he was 18? she said she was a junior? idk what USA stuff is. k she would have been 16 turning 17. that fits with half plus seven we good. Tho the legal ability does create a power differential. Then again, my first relationship was technically outside the half plus seven rule until my birthday Poor kid. He's so young. Support our troop: Bring Them Home.

Oof kid was already dead...

I've seen this episode before but in my head it is TWO different episodes Was the canvas strong enough to break the vase?

I am so glad for captions civillian, not parent Why is the kid's voice not distorted?

Hire mercs? Castle <3 cop privilege, non-cop privilege. Halfsies. Castle nonebiney moments.

*pats herself with the rabbit* lol cold hands. Beckett: it's for nikki heat you're a homicide detective, you KNOW that ppl get coined for murder if they make death threats.

KB: We don't have to read you, we can see you. Now shut up and focus. Lol castle & his spy jargon Fan as in book fan or as in u see her crush? Ah book fan Oh he's such a flirt. LMAO CASTLE I like their cell phones rn, & soon they end up with touchscreen phones & it's so modern instead of being nostalgic. I'm too dumb for that. Cross the street which way? "correct"

Me: knowing how it works The ppl walking around: none have the "art instillation" yet & then there was ONE guy & now there are A Hundred. Why don't they look into buying records of the backpacks? Who bought two dozen backpacks for an art thing?

Me: knowing what happens The mom: looks upset

Love rain. & that's a cool boat. Rick castle maximalist moments. AC: What did Beckett tell you about taking phone photos at the crime scene? RC: I don't know, I wasn't listening. you can get repairs done on stuffies yk...

Or maybe angela took the bunny with her just cuz

See? it IS mostly from ppl who know them. baby so chill getting picked up by a stranger Beckett <3

I speak enough french to know that he said mi coeurason (idk how to spell) & it means "my heart" I think. Is it that hard to write it into the captions?

Mom could be in shock (except I know) Mom could at least fake it to pretend she's happy the kid is back.

Does the husband want to be here for this?

I understand where she is coming from ig... Yeah he should not have had the music loud, I really can understand where she is coming from... & tbh that was a good idea if it worked...

like bro this is so sad

Beckett's hair is slowly getting longer, I don't mind it, it's nice. RC: Yeah, he's like the male you. Ying needs Yang, not another Ying. Ying-Yang is harmony, but Ying-Ying is... a name for a panda.

KB: That's why it's called "private life." Because it's private. Unlike you, I don't live my life on Page Six.

k so beckett has a desk & then there is another desk on the other side of hers & it has a computer so obv it's SOMEONE's desk, but whose?

[skittlesmcgee]

I have been a drift for about a year without something to focus on. I know that quilting/sewing is not currently the answer and may not be again. Those are some bygone days for a lot of reasons.

I've had several instances recently where I had a feeling to reach out to someone or some people. When I've done that, I've had one or two people come back with "That was just what I needed to hear today" or "I was just thinking of you as well." I've decided that I need to do some work with understanding my intuition. It's something I've been aware of for years, but it's so random and fairly rare, I figured it wasn't really worth studying. Now that my life is much quieter, I have more and more of these intuitive moments. Perhaps it wasn't that they were rare or random. Perhaps my life was too filled with other noise that prevented these messages from getting through. Also, I probably wasn't bothering to listen.

I've been fascinated with tarot for several years now. Not because I think it's going to specifically tell me my future. That's not how this works. But just as the universe says, "Send that meme to that person," the universe can remind you of truths about yourself via pictures on paper.

There is a woman that I follow on TikTok who reads daily. Is every message for me. Nope. Are some messages for me. Maybe. But I like her vibe, her energy. Her recommendation was to start by learning the cards and their meaning. The student in me thinks that's probably okay. Her suggestion was to draw a card every morning and read the meaning. Then, each evening, reflect on your day and the times and circumstances that resonated with the meaning of the card. I got nothing else to do with two and a half months. So, I bought a very traditional tarot deck for this sole purpose. (I have two other decks that i love for the art.) That way, there are cues in the artwork to help reinforce the meaning. So, I will be journaling my reflections here. If you don't care to read, I don't mind. As with all things about my posts, they are for me to corral my wild, often errant thoughts. Also, against my normal methodology for starting at the beginning and moving numerically through the cards, I'm going to let the deck choose the card of the day. If nothing flies during the shuffle, I'll pick something. If something flies, there must be a reason.

Today's card was the Queen of Cups. I find it interesting that a cups card is my first card. According to what I read, the cups suit represents the emotional aspects of your life, an area that I am working very hard at understanding and healing.

Specifically, the queen represents someone who is empathic, compassionate, and nurturing. She also represents some who trusts her intuition. What a fantastic card to start off this journey. It's as if the universe is saying, "Yep. You're on a good journey. Nice first step. Trust yourself."

Trusting myself is not something I'm very good at. Outwardly, I'm all proud of the steps I've taken and the changes I've made. Inwardly, and shared with only a tiny circle, do I admit that it's most bravado and bullshit. It's nice to have...not proof, not confirmation... more like a smile and a nod from the universe. Yep, this journey is more than learning the cards. This is also a specific way to get reacquainted with myself. This new me. The one living this segment of my life.

[culminada]

If I don't have the spoons to do something, I don't do it.

Or, if it's not worth spending the spoons, I don't spend them. I COULD exert myself and spend extra spoons on a given thing; the question is, is it worth that many spoons?

And a lot of the time it's not. For neurotypicals, brushing your teeth or taking a shower everyday is the most sensible use of time and energy for how much benefit it brings. For me, it's not, because it takes that many more spoons.

The trick is in manipulating how I FEEL about my decision after I've made it. On the one hand, I have to trust myself and my assessment. I gotta be okay chillaxing, marking it up as a loss, and moving on. I'm very good at this. I also have fewer pressures from a neurotypical society because I have a good relationship with my parents and was homeschooled; I haven't learned to feel bad about not matching some ideal. (My mom also is at least ADHD if not also autistic, and for much of my childhood didn't have the spoons to make me brush my teeth every night.)

At base, though, it's simply knowing yourself, being able to trust yourself, and having good enough boundaries to not care what people who don't matter might think of you. If you don't have the spoons to go to that event, don't go. Sure, it's not fun to have to miss an event you were excited for, but if you don't have the spoons then you don't have the spoons; or if it takes more spoons than you were expecting, or you're lower on spoons today than you were expecting, you have to make that call.

You're the only one who can. Everything in life, really, comes down to the question: is it worth it? Is it worth it to care, to act, to express? If not, then don't - and don't sweat it.

I see a lot of neurodivergent memes along the lines of, "worrying bc I'm not being productive -> worry keeps me from being productive-> worry bc I'm not being productive -> repeat cycle," and I don't relate to this because I don't worry abt not being productive.

If I do worry? Then I think what I can do to fix it and ask if that's worth it. If not, I say, too bad so sad, no need to be upset. I made this decision and it's the only sensible decision, now I'll enjoy what I can. The rest for example. Or my special interest. Or sleep.

If I CANT do the thing - e.g., trapped in executive dysfunction - then if I've genuinely tried, and spent as many spoons as I'm willing to on trying, then I can safely give up. I did my best, and so what if I got nothing done? Don't be so hard on myself. I did my best.

If I 1) have made a decision (e.g. I'm not going to the event) and feel bad enough about not going (bc I really did want to go), then I may re-evaluate. Since I've realized I want to go to this thing more than I thought I wanted it, does that mean it's worth spending more spoons? How many more? Is it enough to actually go? Do I want to go bad enough to spend all the spoons I need to?

If so, I go! Yay! I usually enjoy myself. Sometimes there's consequences (e.g. no spoons for something else). I try to consider those when making my decision though. If I decide its not worth the spoons, I don't go. I chillax. I don't sweat it.

Sweating it takes spoons, don't you know. I've got those in short supply. I gotta save them for important things that I DO care enough to spend spoons on.

Sometimes, a given thing takes spoons to let go of. Change is hard for the autistic brain. Sometimes it deals -10hp to spoon storage and that can't be helped. Sometimes, it can be helped with logic and autonomy. I get to make the final decision if I do the thing or not. That's autonomy.

I'll say this: I rarely face a situation where I dont HAVE spoons at all in the first place. Couldn't do it even if I was willing to spend 100 spoons because I don't have them. Maybe this is because I'm good at managing my spoons, have an understanding family, environment, and my culture doesn't expect outrageous things of me (*cough cough* graduation *cough cough* college *cough cough* a job), or maybe I just have the autism 'milder.'

Regardless, for neurodivergents and neurotypicals alike, knowing how to manage your anxiety, spoons, and autonomy is important.

The few times I've simply not had the spoons, it's been awful. Autonomy is one of the big huge things that helps me manage my life and feel okay about myself. One morning a few weeks ago I couldn't work (executive dysfunction because I wasn't dressed in the right clothes) and I couldn't get dressed (too many spoons, also would take way too long). And I sat and cried because I'd been trying all week to get to work. (I work for my father btw.) I'd been tweaking my sleep schedule, trying to get off Tumblr the Executive Function Destroyer, etc. For a week and I finally was at a place where I was 1) awake, 2) not getting bogged down with things all morning, 3) capable of working, and... I wasn't actually capable of working. For something wholly outside my control.

I WANT to work. I enjoy my work. I enjoy the people I'm with. I want to impress the people I'm with. I DON'T want to disappoint them. We have a vision and I'm enthusiastic about it. Our project is amazing and I want to help. AND I COULDN'T.

Thats awful. I don't know how people deal with it regularly.

Having to stress about things, I think, takes a huge toll on spoons. If you can't do a thing, then don't, and don't sweat it. Maybe it helps to have a higher power to trust in, because I know it does for me - but please. Don't stress it. You're only hurting yourself. Make the decision once, maybe twice, and let it rest.

[keeps-ache]

i have done that waking-up thing, i hear it's aaaall the rage!

i'm also still tired, so sleeping means nothing! :)

[novamirmirsblog]

I am not a woman, I'm a God (17+)

If I can't have love I want power pt 2

If I can't have love masterlist

Word Count: 1640

Genre: dark I guess?

Request: no

Warnings: none? (atm anyways)

A/N: I'm not too happy with this chapter so it's subject to change BUT the next couple chapters should pick things up a little :3 OH and the next chapter might contain smut (Idk yet - I'll try to edit this when I've written the next chapter)

1737 - The middle

The revenge was sweet and drawn out. The redhead and her long-time friend had made sure of that. They let you finish the duke off but not before they had their fun. The two women were gorgeous, both with red hair that would make any woman jealous. The green-eyed woman had hair like a wildfire and the blue-eyed woman had hair the colour of a deep red sunset. Liking women was wrong but you weren’t sure these two counted as women – they certainly weren’t human. Wanda, the one with sunset hair, tortured your husband mentally, angry whisps the same colour as Natasha’s hair crawled in through his ears and buried themselves deep within his brain. While this was happening, Natasha was peeling layer after layer of skin off him with her razor-sharp nails. You weren’t sure if you could even call them nails – not when they looked so much more like claws. While Wanda was exploiting your husband’s deepest darkest fears, Natasha was calmly explaining to you which tools to use where so you could cause the most pain. Apparently pain and torture was an aphrodisiac for them because the two demons decided to show you what you had been missing out on due to your husband’s lack of skill.

That was almost 200 years ago. Wanda and Natasha had given you great gifts, allowing you to have a much longer life, giving you cat-like reflexes and godlike powers. Perhaps your favourite was the enhancements they gave to your voice. People were suddenly compelled to do whatever you suggested they do and the rush it gave you was unexplainable. These gifts were not free however and yet the price was one you willingly paid repeatedly. Especially because it meant spending extra time with your two favourite demons. You were there to cause chaos and have fun which was ironic considering Wanda was a chaos demon and Natasha was a succubus but perhaps that’s why you did what you did. Perhaps it was because you were made by them and therefore must serve them in every way imaginable.

~~~~~

You had watched your siblings grow from afar and made sure every single villager who ever even looked at them wrong suffered. When you were with Wanda and Natasha, it felt as if everything just fit into place. It was strange and you felt as if you shouldn’t miss them – they killed and tortured your husband in front of you, gave you gifts that meant you couldn’t live a normal life and coerced you into sex that you weren’t sure you wanted; yet you still wanted them.

Your story was told countless times and the more times it was told, the deeper the truth was twisted into a legend, a tale mothers told their children to keep them away from the forests late at night. You were turned into a martyr, a victim of the horrible cruelties the evil creatures of the world could bestow onto innocent girls.

You were anything but.

If the storytellers could see you now, they would burn all mentions of your story. You were a problem child, a bad example and you had two of the most powerful demons wrapped around your little finger.

A few years ago, you had mentioned to Natasha and Wanda one evening that you were bored. That’s how you found yourself currently being shot at.

“Natty I’m bored.” You whined, throwing yourself dramatically over the bed. History was going through a dry spell; people weren’t doing anything interesting and there weren’t enough opportunities for you to wreak havoc.

“Natty” Wanda mocked “Our princess is bored.”

“Well, we can’t have that now, can we?” Natasha moved to hover over you, Wanda placed your head in her lap. Natasha’s tail flicked with a cat-like manner before it slithered between your legs.

You grabbed her tail and she let out a moan “Not now Natasha. I’m serious. If I knew living forever was going to be this boring, then I wouldn’t have done it.” That wasn’t quite true, you enjoyed being theirs to use but you were getting restless.

Natasha rolled her eyes, leaning up to kiss Wanda instead. You waited a few moments for the two demons to stop their make-out session, but it didn’t look to be ending any time soon. You rolled out from underneath Natasha and untangled Wanda’s fingers from where she was massaging your scalp.

“Awe come back baby.” Wanda broke the kiss and made grabby arms at you. For a supposed demon, she sure was soft. “I promise we’ll make things more fun.”

Natasha rolled her eyes again “You’ve gone soft Wands.” Although Natasha huffed and puffed about how ‘soft’ Wanda had gotten, she seemed to have a slightly less hardened heart when she looked at you.

You were no longer bored but you were being shot at and while it couldn’t kill you, it sure did sting. Perhaps going after Dick Turpin’s loot was a bad idea but what can you say? You wanted to live a little. All you had wanted was a pretty horse you had seen him steal but nooo – he had to keep them all for himself. You had managed to escape Mr Turpin himself but one of his lackeys just wouldn’t give up. Rather than continuing to run, you decided you may as well get a quick meal.

“Hello darling.” Your voice echoed from all around, you watched as the man trying to kill you frantically whipped his head around.

“Who are you? Come out now!”

You let out a low, predatory chuckle.

“I’m the poor little martyr in all your stories.”

“No. You can’t be- that’s impossible! You should be dead!” You watched as the man continued to spin around and around in circles, watching him trip before revealing yourself.

“I am ancient. I have seen empires rise and fall. I have seen kings and queens and holy men enter the world and I have seen them leave; and yet I am nowhere near as old or as powerful as the women who made me the person I am today. While I watched preestablished civilisations crumble, they were reminiscing the time they created them, all while burning them to the ground. Some call me the end but they are mistaken. They are the end. I am your warning. I am the only kindness they will show you. Trivial things such as death do not concern me.” As you finished your speech, Natasha and Wanda’s comforting aura surrounded you, the dark mist embracing you before forming the two women.

“Couldn’t let you have all the fun now could we dove?” Natasha’s voice rumbled out against your neck, biting it lightly.

“You have to share.” Wanda cooed, lifting your chin up to face her as she captured your lips with hers.

The idiot who you were about to kill and feed on decided now was a good time to make their escape. Luckily, Wanda had other plans as her red magic bought the squirming meal back to you.

“Go away. I want to eat. It’s been so long.” You pouted, making your way back to your meal. It was a little annoying that to continue living in your young body that you had to drain the soul from another person, but it was worth it.

“But if we leave then who’s going to do all the heavy lifting?”

“And who will dig the hole in your garden?”

“Or put the body in the hole?”

“Or-”

“Okay! I get it. Fine. But just hush, okay? I like to eat in peace.” You grabbed the man and kissed him hard, feeling his soul merge with yours before it was consumed by the darkness.

“I don’t know why you always have to kiss them to feed” Natasha bit out, moving away from you with Wanda, voicing her unhappiness at you kissing someone else when only she should be kissing you- her and maybe Wanda.

“Well, it wasn’t me who made her feed that way.” Wanda whispered back

“Are you suggesting this is my fault?” Natasha’s voice got low and dangerous, and you felt the forest drop about 10 degrees.

“Well that’s how you feed isn’t it?” Wanda’s eyes glowed and a wind picked up.

You pulled away from your meal, the faint glow of his soul swirling around your mouth and eyes. “Want to share?” The forest rose back to its original temperature and climate as Natasha kissed you, absorbing small remnants of the soul. Wanda wrapped one arm around your waist while the other snaked up to your neck, her teeth lightly biting and sucking along your shoulders.

“I think you forget dove” Natasha broke the kiss to growl at you

“We’re in charge here. If we wanted to share, then we would share.” Wanda finished off for her.

It dawned on you that perhaps this was about more than just the meal. They were jealous.

“Are you two jealous?” You laughed, not at the situation but at their reactions. Wanda bit you harder and Natasha just glared at you.

“Of course not. Why would we be jealous of some silly insignificant dum-”

“Baby…” You reached up and placed one hand lightly on Wanda’s horn and the other on Natasha’s cheek, effectively stopping Natasha’s rant about how unjealous they are. Wanda moved from where she was standing behind you to stand next to Natasha. “You both know that if I could live off Demon energy then I would, but I can’t.”

Natasha and Wanda shared a look, having a silent conversation in the space of seconds before turning their attention back to you. “That’s not necessarily true love.” Wanda said.

“It will be painful but…well demons aren’t born. They’re made.” Natasha explained.

“And if you wanted to…”

You didn’t even hesitate before giving your answer. “Yes.”

Taglist:

@lucydiibi

[rattyoakenbitch]

❝𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠❞ ─ 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐡𝐚𝐦

after all this time, i start asking why i'm staying

were you ever mine?

are we something that's worth saving?

❥ content ; gn reader, eventual fluff, angst, happy ending

❥ warnings ; cursing, themes of cheating

❥ synopsis ; you're will's s/o. when he comes home from work, you can tell he's off. what you didn't expect was him to kick you out.

❥ a/n ; none!

"Will?"

You call out after hearing the front door to your house open and shut. When you don't get a response, you get up from your laying position on the couch and approach the front door.

There, Will stood. His back was turned to you as he hung up his coat, and although you could not see his face, you could immediately tell he was off. Even the energy around him felt dark and tense.

"Oh, hey, hun.." You said anxiously, trying not to set him off in any way.

Will didn't react to your voice. Instead, he backed away from the clothing rack and walked past you, not even bothering to spare you a look. This wasn't the first time Will acted out like this, especially considering he was exhausted all the time from the work Crawford gave him. But he would at least greet you soon as he walked through the door, not flat out treat you as if you didn't exist.

"Will," you sighed dejectedly, more to yourself than to your boyfriend. You quietly followed him upstairs to the master bedroom, where he began to strip off his work clothes, changing into something more comfortable. Still, he ignored your presence. You had to make another move.

You slowly approached him from behind, placing your hands on his shoulders. You were immediately taken back when he forcefully removed himself from your touch and walked away to another corner of the room.

"Will, I just-"

"What?" he scoffed mockingly, "You just want to help?"

"You're my boyfriend, Will, of course I want to!"

He laughed.

"It certainly doesn't help when you breathe down my neck every fucking minute."

Tears pricked in your eyes, Will's vicious tone scaring you. You searched Will's own eyes, trying to find any trace of remorse or regret. He had none. You didn't even know who you were looking at.

"What are you talking about, Will? When you want space, I give you space. When you want love, I give you love! What more do you want from me?"

"I want you to leave."

And then it was quiet for a moment. You both stood there silently, feet away from each other, eyes burning holes into the others.

"..What?" You stared in disbelief. "Wh- What are you saying right now, Will?"

"I want you to leave. I want you gone, Y/N. I don't need you anymore."

"No," you bit your quivering lips, hot tears spilling down your cheeks. Will averted his stare from your crying form, the floor suddenly becoming more interesting.

"No, you're lying. You're just saying that. You can fool everyone else, but you can't fool me."

"I'm sorry, Y/N." Lies. "It's best if you just leave."

You choked on a sob. "What?! Where is this coming from all of a sudden? We were okay just the other day!"

Will remained silent, still not daring to make eye contact with you.

"Is there someone else?"

"I- No, Y/N. I don't owe you an explanation."

"So this is it, then? You're just gonna kick me out?"

"Please, Y/N. Don't make this harder than it already is."

"This is hard for you?! You're not the one getting kicked out!"

Will sighed, somehow managing to remain calm while you screamed at him.

"I'm sorry." And the conversation ended there.

You began to pack your bags. You also phoned a friend, asking them if you could crash for a bit until you had a stable job and a home. You were not about to sleep on the sofa tonight.

You opened and slammed drawers, taking your anger out on furniture as you took your belongings with you. You also did it to spite Will, who attempted to get some sleep. But he did not complain. He continued to act as if you didn't exist.

It made you wonder. Where did it all go wrong? How long has he thought about leaving you? Was there another person?

Will wouldn't answer your questions. At this point, you didn't wanna know.

You were able to finish packing up within an hour. Will was still wide awake during that time, listening closely to the angry banging of furniture, quiet sniffles and shaky inhales as you tried the best you could to keep your composure.

You loaded all your bags into your car, getting ready to head to your friend's place. You went back inside to get a couple more things and look around the house a final time. You stopped by the front door as you were about to leave, your eyes landing on a picture on the windowsill of you and Will. Your already tired, red eyes welled with tears again. You opened up the frame, sliding the picture out and folding it into your pocket. Not like Will would want it in his house anyway.

And so you left.

You didn't say your goodbyes. You just left.

A week had gone by. Will carried on with his job as usual, attended his therapy sessions, but he never once mentioned you. Not a lot of people knew about you and Will's relationship, or what was once a relationship. Since his coworkers already knew so much, or what Will deemed to be enough information about him, he wanted to keep your relationship secret. Not that you minded.

The only person who knew of your relationship was Alana Bloom and Jack Crawford, but even when it ended, he didn't tell them anything. He didn't tell them how guilty he felt the night he kicked you out. He didn't tell them he still had nightmares about you being harmed. He didn't tell them how he was the one harming you in his nightmares. He didn't tell them how empty he felt when you blocked his number and social medias (ok sorry but like little headcanon here?? will has an instagram and it's just pictures of him fishing / or of his dogs fnsmdnskdjsk).

He never told them how he tried not to stay in his house as often, because it reminded him of you.

He was definitely acting strange at work. It was easy to tell. Even Bev pulled him aside to inquire about his health. But he continued to keep his mouth shut, until he couldn't.

Will rushed to the front door when he heard little taps on the metal screen. Secretly, he hoped it would be you. But when he opened it, there stood Alana Bloom. Will always thought Alana was beautiful. But how could anyone disagree?

Her long, dark waves that framed her perfect, slim face were never unchecked and unkempt. Makeup or none, preppy work uniforms or pajamas, she always seemed to look her best.

You even found yourself feeling small and insecure when Will invited her over for you to meet. But he assured you that she could never even compare to you. You believed it.

Alana's thin lips curled up into a soft smile. "Will. Can I come in?"

"Y-Yeah, sure." He let her in and she walked through the front door for the first time in forever.

"Jeez," she chuckled. "How long as it been?"

"Maybe too long," Will simply replied.

Alana walked around the house, scanning every detail while Will patiently trailed behind her. The dogs were playing outside, so it was just the two of them.

"Why did you decide to come over today?"

"I've been worried about you." She turned around to face Will, who stopped a few feet in front of her. "But now that I'm here in your house, I can see why you've been acting off."

"What's your diagnosis, Doctor?" Will joked, an attempt at lightening the tense air.

"Y/N. They left, haven't they?"

There it is.

Technically, Alana wasn't wrong. You did leave, but Will never clarified in what circumstance.

Will looked at the ground.

"Yeah.. Took all the photos too."

"Hey," Alana began, her finger resting under Will's chin, prompting him to look up at her. "You don't have to hide from me."

A week had gone by. A long, lonely, miserable week. You crashed at your friend's for two nights before your parents invited you to live with them while you worked on getting back on your feet. They didn't live too far, so you thanked your friend for their hospitality and moved in with your parents.

As you finished unpacking your stuff, you realized you were missing some things. You cursed at the realization you would probably have to pick up some stuff from Will's.

You still had the key, so you would have no problem getting in, unless he had the lock changed of course. You were only worried about running into him.

What the hell?

You got dressed. You didn't wear anything fancy, but in case you ran into Will, you felt obligated to look presentable and show him that you could still make it without him. You decided on doing a bit of makeup. Again, nothing fancy. Just enough to conceal the dark circles under your eyes and make your features pop.

And then you headed on the dreadful drive to Will's place.

When you got there, you were too nervous and too focused on making the trip quick to even notice Alana's car in his driveway.

However, what did catch your attention, were the many dogs Will owned. They ran up to you as soon as they recognized you. They panted as they jumped and wagged their tails, expressing their happiness the most they could. You tried your best to pet them all, your mouth lifting up into a smile. You didn't realize it but you really missed the dogs.

You dug around for the key in your pocket and pulled it out, quietly unlocking the front door and letting yourself in.

"You don't have the hide from me.."

Your eyebrows furrowed together at the sound of a female voice.

When you walked into the living room, you were horrified to see Will with another woman. Alana.

Their lips were locked, engaging in a passionate kiss, not even noticing your presence. You felt sick as you put the pieces together.

"Now I know why you kicked me out," you whispered, half to yourself and half to Will, who almost about pushed Alana off him at the sound of your voice.

Both their cheeks heated up in embarrassment when their eyes fell on you.

"Y/N! I'm so sorry, I thought-"

"Look, I only came to pick up some stuff. Then I'll be out of your way." You didn't once look away from Will, deciding to totally disregard Alana's presence and apologetic mutters.

With that, you rushed out of the living room and into your bedroom, searching under the bed and in the closet for your missing items.

You heard faint talking from the living room but tuned out most of it, deciding it wasn't worth your time or even your business in the first place. Then you heard the front door shut and a car start from outside.

Before you could process what might've happened, you heard Will's footsteps stop outside the bedroom.

"Y/N, we should talk."

"No, we shouldn't."

"You blocked my number."

"What good would it do if I kept it?"

"Please, hear me out."

Disgruntled, you turned to face Will, sending a cold glare his way.

"Look, unless you found a way to make a time machine and give me back the time I wasted on you, I don't want to speak with you."

"Why won't you just listen to me?!" he snapped.

You scoffed, "Well surprise, douchebag, I have feelings and you hurt them!"

"Well, I'm sorry, alright?" he calmed down now.

"Are you? Really?" You shook your head. "A sorry won't fix this, Will. Not after what you did. Gods- I can't even look at you right now."

You laughed. "You know what fucking sucks? After all you did, after the cheating and the lies, I'm still in love with you."

Will teared up. "I was never with Alana, Y/N. It's always been you."

"Then, why, Will? Why did you throw me out so coldly like that?"

"I began to have dreams, Y/N. Nightmares," Will admitted, his voice beginning to break. "Nightmares about people hurting you. Criminals. It was too real. As much as I loved- As much as I love you, I never wanted you to choose me. I don't want people using you as a weapon against me. To hurt me."

You slowly walked towards Will, stopping a foot away from him. You looked up into his glossy bambi eyes as he spoke.

"It was when the nightmares got worse, when I was the one hurting you, that I realized you weren't safe with me."

You cried. "Oh, Will. I wish you had told me."

"I couldn't. I didn't want you to remember me that way."

You laughed. "Well, I ended up remembering you as the asshole who kicked me out, instead."

Will managed to give you a smile through his tears.

He brought his hand to your shoulder, and gently lead it up your neck to the side of your face, cupping it lightly and brushing his thumb across your cheek.

"I would never hurt you, Y/N."

"I know. I know, Will. You aren't a monster for having nightmares you can't control." You brought your own hand up and placed it against Will's, leaning into his warm touch. "I'm still here. I'm alive. In your hands. And I feel safe with you."

Almost hesitantly, Will leaned in, connecting his lips to yours. His body felt tense, but when you kissed him back, you felt his worries disappear into the air.

He pulled away, resting his forehead against yours.

"Stay with me tonight?"

[acciocriativity]

You and Me || Harry Potter

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Slytherin/Reader

Summary: It's always been you and Draco since you can remember, the invincible duo, the two of you against the world but some things have changed along the way and it's not news to any soul at Hogwarts but it's time your parents knew too. 

 Word Count: 2,8k

A/N: I took a bit to finish but here it is your story @x-dratie-x. I hope you all like it! Tom Riddle is not Voldemort in this oneshot, Voldemort didn’t exist at all but the events of the first war and its consequences still is valid, but with another wizard.

Warnings: A very very slightly sexual conversation and that's all

1987  

  I didn't want to be at that dinner, I didn't want to have to listen all day long to how well I should behave because the Malfoy's were such an important family or something. 

I had plans for the week, I would go with our elf to buy more art supplies and I was allowed to spend the day outside the house, just drawing the landscape. 

My parents never let me participate in events like this, because I might mess up, say something inappropriate for the moment, or whatever excuse they decided to make up. But out of the blue, I was told that I would have to be there. Why? I couldn't understand and I didn't even ask them, what good would it do? None. 

The day was only getting worse and worse by the hour for me, I just wanted to take off that dress and go play but I couldn't, obviously. So I did what was left to me, smile and eat politely without making any noise or comments, not that there were any comments I would like to make. I had no idea what they were talking about, it was absolutely boring. The only thing that made me feel slightly better were my own thoughts and the fact that their son was as bored as I was. 

We knew each other because of some casual encounters between our parents but never had the opportunity to talk to each other, because of course, only grown-ups talk.

But it seems that I drew the long straw after a horrible day, after dinner Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy were invited to stay a little longer and I was excused along with Draco to play.  

I could hardly believe it, I wouldn't have to sit there and smile for another 45 minutes, my happiness couldn't be measured at that moment. Not even waiting for my mother to say it again, I stood up and said goodbye politely with a smile before walking up the stairs and I could hear footsteps following me somewhat hesitantly but I didn't care at the moment. 

"Come on, let's go play in my room", I exclaimed with a huge smile and threw the bow tie, which was pinning my hair, on the floor and quickly walked over to it uncaringly.

 I missed his shocked expression but as soon as we reached my door, he made sure to make it clear to me. 

"Do your parents let you do that?", the question made no sense in my head but stopping to think about it now, it makes sense, he should always be flawless. 

"They don't care as long as it's not in front of guests, you won't tell them, right?", his greyish blue eyes reflected mine and for a few seconds I thought that was a beautiful effect.

 He looked away from me and nodded slightly in agreement, his face covered in shyness and I just squealed with delight. I opened the door and pulled him inside, his hand was so cold that I thought about taking one of my jackets and handing it to him. 

"So what do you want to do? I have some toys in my closet, I'll get them", I walked happily to the door and proceeded to try to decide what I would want. Some was not the best word, there were a lot of them, far more than I would ever use. 

 I came back with a big mulberry box that I've only been able to carry within the last year and placed it on my bed but he didn't even notice, he was looking at my drawings. 

"Oh, you liked them. I wish I had done one more today, do you want to try?", I asked him and walked over to the table where my sheets were. 

"Yeah, they're not too bad", he stated nonchalantly and I didn't believe him for a moment but I chose to keep my mouth shut for once. 

 I picked up two white sheets, two quills and sat down quietly on the floor, since I didn't have two chairs for the two of us but it seems he wasn't used to that. 

"Come on, hurry up, your parents won't be here forever", I patted the seat next to me and soon he sat down as well, I noticed his posture still uncomfortable and my goal for the day turned to change that, if only for 5 minutes. 

 From that day on, we became closer and our parents obviously understood and liked that, because we were strengthening their relationship and at no point that crossed my mind. I was just happy to be supported by my parents to visit Draco. 

1991

 My Hogwarts letter had arrived some weeks ago and I hadn't let go at any point, going to Diagon Alley had become a completely different experience and I couldn't wait, but I had to because I pleaded with my and his parents so that we would go together.

But the day had finally arrived and I had to contain all my energy to not look like an out of control little girl, nothing out of the ordinary but today was more difficult because I was genuinely happy. I was always genuinely happy with my only real friend. 

"Y/N, you must hurry or we are going to be late", I could hear my mother's voice from downstairs just as I finished putting on my flats. 

 As it was a very important occasion I had chosen my favorite outfit, even my parents were a little excited too. They had told me that they had met at Hogwarts and that I would find someone from a good family at Slytherin as well. This part was completely ignored by me but they never found out about it. 

"I'm here mom, we won't be late", I said as soon as I came down the stairs and approached them without running. We were near the fireplace and I mentally thanked them for not having to apparate, because it was always a horrible experience for me.

"Okay, I'll go first and you two right after", my father made sure to announce although he always goes first when we go out like that.   

 After a few minutes, we arrived in front of Flourish & Blotts and there was the imposing Malfoy family. After a small talk in which I had no interest in paying attention to, we all went inside and we were finally able to talk while our parents were engaged in a conversation with the attendant. 

"I've already said it once and I'll say it again, I honestly don't understand how you're not that excited, it's Hogwarts", I whispered to him as we walked through the messy shelves full of books. 

"It doesn't seem like a great thing after hearing it so many times", I could clearly see that there was something more there, I had known him long enough to know that and also that he wouldn't tell me easily. 

"Okay, so you're telling me that you're not the least bit excited to leave Malfoy Manor to start your life?", his lips twitched trying to hold back a smile, his eyes shifted from mine, looking for something to distract himself. 

 But I could stop him, my cunning little hands went to his waist tickling that area before he could prevent me from doing so. That was enough to make him laugh, although he denied that he was ticklish every time I asked. 

This attack did not end well for me, because revenge existed in his vocabulary and was even overused. I had to run, as fast as I could, and it still didn't work. 

And why? Because I went to a dead end corridor upstairs, I had never even visited the second floor of that store, the day I went there I had to get unlucky. 

In short, I was attacked twice more without mercy, my glasses almost got broken and we were so noisy that the owner gave us a scolding and our parents did the same as soon as we left with our packages, but this was not enough to ruin the day and our good mood. 

1993

 It was already expected that we would both end up in Slytherin, which was great because we didn't have to be separated, on the opposite, we became closer than ever. It also didn't take long to form our group of friends, actually not more than a month but the thing that made us truly close started in the third year when I had a genius idea. 

We all had a reason to dislike Harry, mine was nowhere near Draco's, no one's was but we shared it anyway. It was always fun to pick fights with him, make pranks and get him into trouble on purpose, so why not make it a little game? It was so easy that the idiots, Crabbe and Goyle understood the first few times, you can't expect more than that from them, and this was certainly a record for both. 

The game had three main objectives: 

- Take the most materials from Harry or his friends: ink, quill, books, whatever they were carrying would be a prize and would get a point.

- See him or his friends more often, with the intention of spying on them just for fun, of course. It could be in class or in the corridors, each time would be an extra point. 

- Pick fights with him or his friends, each minute was worth one point and to be proven, had to have someone to confirm it. 

 Of course, there was no room for lies, and I made sure to put a spell on our board to prevent this. Yes, I had made a small board that stayed with me but each team wrote down their own score.

To make it more fun, we split up into pairs. Draco and I, Pansy and Blaise, Grabbe and Goyle, Astoria and Millicent and Tom and Theo.

And finally, the best part, whoever had the most points at the end of the year would win 5 galleons from each person, as well as having a celebration party financed by the losers.  

Needless to say, Draco and I always won since the day I created the game. Our friends always complained about us playing dirty but it was never necessary and deep down they knew it, it must be hard to lose every year so I don't judge them.  

1995

"Are they still complaining?", I remained with my eyes closed, it was comfortable to lie curled up against Draco on the couch in the common room. We had two free classes, which was being put to good use to get some rest after a year of N.O.M.S. and a devastating victory in our little game.

"They'll get over it when we come back in September, I guess.... You're missing the best part", his voice came out whispered directly into my ear and I couldn't help but smile.      

 I didn't need to see the scene to know what was going on, Tom and Theo blaming each other for the defeat, everyone standing back from them because no one wants to get involved in their ego battle and our other friends trying not to laugh because it was a funny scene, even if they didn't know it.

"They're taking longer than last time...", I commented slightly annoyed by the noise. I had no idea what had happened to me, because usually I spent the afternoon celebrating my victory but not today. 

"Let's get out of here, you seems so good", he hadn't even completed his sentence when I agreed and painfully got up to go to his room. 

 But before I could take two steps, I felt his arms go around my waist and legs, leading me up the stairs in a bridal style.

I smiled wider and snuggled into his arms, enjoying more of the warmth and good feeling it gave me until we reached the bed.

"Thanks honey, I don't know what happened today", I commented under my breath as soon as he had me lying on the bed, but I knew it was a lie.

"Are you sure? This isn't related to the fact that our parents will know about our relationship in a few days?", I hoped he would pretend he didn't know but that wasn't the case, I wasn't going to be able to run away from the subject.

"It's just that I don't like them meddling in our lives, of course I have nothing against your parents, I'll love to be introduced as your girlfriend but my parents will be twice as unbearable", I sighed and hugged the blond once more, if there was one thing that made me better it was this. 

"Like my mom isn't going to start a 3 year planning for our wedding after she finds out, but at least they'll be used to it by the end of the summer and we won't have to go through this again", he began to fiddle with my hair and curl the strands between his fingers, slowly my shoulders relaxed and a considerable chunk of my worry faded away.

"Yes, I think so but it's going to be a lot harder for us to be alone now. You definitely won't be stepping foot in my room like you did when we used to play together", the memories flooded back and I felt him smile too, it had been a while since this had escaped my thoughts. 

"I don't need to worry about that, we slept together for almost the entire year at Hogwarts and they can't do anything about it and we'll keep doing it", I couldn't see him since my face was buried in his neck, but the perfect image of his mischievous grin formed in my head. 

 "The question is, will you survive for two months without me? Because I don't see that happening", I teased with a huge smirk as I turned to look him in the eye. 

"It won't happen because your father won't be enough to stop me love and I'll make sure you don't have to resort to your hands, because we know it wouldn't be enough", smugness was all over his face and as much as I searched for an answer to that, I didn't have one. Not in the first few seconds. 

"Good love, that's good because I'm sure your hands wouldn't do a better job either. In fact, I'd be a little worried if they actually still work, in case we get separated", I had managed to wipe the smirk off his face but I also knew it wouldn't stay that way, revenge was still an overused word in his vocabulary. 

 A week later, there I was on one of the Hogwarts Express cars with Draco, since we couldn't fit all our friends there anyway, we decided to enjoy the last hours of freedom we had together. 

And how quickly it went by, one moment I was chatting with my boyfriend while my puppy slept peacefully in her travel bed and the next, we had arrived and a wave of students were trying to get through the doors at the same time. 

We stepped off the train holding hands, while I carried only my baby in the other, and this detail did not escape the trained eyes of our parents who were talking side by side but as soon as they noticed us they stopped.

"For Merlin's sake, you two finally decided to listen to me and are in a relationship now?", my mother's eyes sparkled with excitement and I could already hear her voice asking me all sorts of embarrassing questions. "Narcisa, our family is finally becoming one, this is the best news I could ever receive", she could jump for joy now but because of the good posture of a London high society woman, she did not do that.

"How about dinner at our house today? We have a good reason to celebrate," I had seen his mother smile at me several times but even Lucius Malfoy seemed satisfied enough to show a little bit of his teeth, which is indeed shocking.

 My parents agreed to the idea immediately and only one look was exchanged between Draco and me, it only took a single look to know that we both acknowledged it would be an insufferable night. 

Harry Potter Masterlist

[multi-lefaiye]

happy blorbo blursday! if you're participating today I'd love to hear about whatever oc is in the brain microwave as of late :)

OKAY i wanted to answer the Rook Vibes asks first b/c i decided that i'm gonna talk about rook here :D i did talk about them a bit with those vibes, but i want to talk about them more because they are my special little guy.

first up, let me share some art of my baby <3 this is a color palette meme thing i did for them! i randomly generated a color palette and found a random pose and outfit and went wild.

[Image Description: A drawing of my OC Rook in a limited color palette, shown from around the knees up. The palette is primarily made up of shades of blue, with a vibrant red as well. Rook is a lean person with scars littering their skin and large, pointed ears. They have eyes with black sclerae and colored irises, short dark hair, long claws, and sharp teeth. In the drawing, Rook is wearing a loose wrap around their chest and shoulders and a long skirt. They are holding a baseball bat with one hand, resting it on their shoulders, and their other hand is resting on their hip. The background of the drawing is dark blue with a red stripe diagonally across it. End ID.]

ANYWAY so rook is the protagonist of a wip i keep going back and forth on the name of, but for now i just call it 'rook' as a working title. simple title, it's fine. the basic premise of the story is that it's about rook, a monster that's kinda like. some sort of zombie shapeshifter creature. rook was the victim of a violent, horrific murder, and they were resurrected an unknown amount of time later by someone who wanted a pet monster to order around and do his bidding.

instead of becoming their creator's little pet monster, though, rook ends up being found by a local woman named kay, who sees humanity in them when no one else does and takes them in. she and rook become friends, and a large chunk of the story centers around rook, who has no memory of their existence as a human, trying to Be A Person.

however, WELL, rook does know their death wasn't pretty, and as much as they want to be a nice person and have a happy life, they also want some kind of justice (or vengeance, whatever works). another big element of the story is rook trying to hunt down the one who killed them and get their fucking revenge. already a daunting task, made harder by the fact that they don't remember anything about what happened in the first place.

i'm very into stories that center around recovery, mental health, and identity, so that's a lot of what rook's story is. with an added element of "rook wants to do some murder so so badly."

anyway uhhh some facts about rook:

i have a lot of thoughts about rook's powers and the drawbacks of those powers, as well as why they have them in the first place, but honestly that's probably worth a whole separate post. i've thought about making them a void-walker, but i want them to have their own lore. (plus, well, rook is a shapeshifter and void-walkers can't do that)

rook was given their name by their creator, a man who's obsessed with chess metaphors. they're also not the only monster he's created--boy's goin for the whole set. they initially rejected this name, but eventually they come to reclaim it as their own. they make their own meaning.

for a while, rook really leans into the perception that they are a terrible, horrible monster who only causes harm. they refer to themself as a devil and a demon and a bunch of other shit, because there's a period in their story where they decide to be just as monstrous as they were "meant" to be.

i wrote a short story a couple of years ago about rook's murder and all the backstory around that, only to decide later that none of that was canon anymore for the most part. welp!

the actual perfect rook song is louie zong's song pumpkin's revenge. once again, if i had the energy to make something with them based on this song.... it'd be all over for y'all (i'm kidding)

rook loves animals, but unfortunately most animals are afraid of them :(

rook is a shapeshifter, but they don't actually have that much ability to change their physical form without a large amount of effort and energy. there are a lot of things about rook's appearance that generally can't change, regardless of the form they take, such as their scars and sharp teeth.

okay yeah that's my baby <3 i love them so so dearly and they matter so so much to me <3