RealAgeAU Drabble - Caught
As promised! The next drabble in the series :D (or the next one made in between the series? You guys get it. also thanks @spotaus for the original post which gave me the idea/inspiration to start this whole thing)
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Okay the links should all work now and go to the right places.
Usual warning, unedited and unbeta'ed. We are just here to enjoy our time :D
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Cross groans as he leans against a wall and resists the urge to bonk his own skull against it "How can we not have foudn him!?" It has been three weeks of them searching at this point! Which means that Nightmare had been out and about for a month now!
Killer leans against the wall next to him "Chin up Cross. We don't want to make a scene and make people realise something is up."
Cross sighs but pulls away from the wall and pulls himself together. Killer is right, a sentence Cross does not use often, and they need to keep a low profile if they want to find Nightmare wihtout anyone realising it.
Dust joins their side and shakes his skull. Okay. Good news and bad news in one go. Good news, no one seems to have heard or seen anything about Nightmare. Bad news, no one has heard or seen anything about him!
Cross sighs and looks at Dust "Horror?"
Dust shrugs. he must see the unimpressed look on Cross face as Dust seems to think a moment longer "Horror is making a second round. No traces of him foudn just yet. but he wants to be sure."
Cross nods. Horror is by far the best tracker out of the four of them and if Horror can't find anything none of them will.
Killer nods as he pulls out his phone "Okay. this universe was also a burst. We don't need anything right?"
Cross shakes his skull "We got our supplies." which is nice about staying on the move, you can travel very light.
Killer nods as he considers the list he made "Okay. We are still searching for that universe. but we are near a split again. We can either go for the sciency universes or the more magical ones. I think the magical ones will lead to our end goal quicker..."
Cross thinks it over. It would be nice if they get to Dreamtale quickly to make sure Nightmare isn't there. It had been a goal until now and the only reason they had been making small jumps and going from universe to universe is because they wanted to be sure Nightmare wasn't in one of those or anyone heard of what happened.
It had been Horror who had offered that they should check everything. After his own accident and his own magic being difficult he had lost some of his more natural abilities. If Nightmare lost his own magical powers he may also lose his ability to travel through the mulitverse. meaning he could get stranded somewhere.
So they were making tiny jumps to neighbouring universes for now. and checking each one that they stopped it. The job they had with Nightmare is actually very helpful for this and trained them as at this point they are able to search about three universes a day.
They know how each universe is suposed to feel and are able to spot key differences or elements that don't belong thanks to all the exposure they have had. Meaning they should in theory be able to spot Nightmare as soon as they see him. or the traces of him.
Cross is still worried. They all already agreed Nightmare would most likely go back to the way he was before. the tiny skeleton from the storybook. But the image of the babybones with his skull smashed open keeps haunting cross. What if that wound returns as well? Would that mean that Ngihtmare is just somewhere heavily injuried with no help? could that have meant that nightmare just... died?
When Cross first asked Killer about it he had just huffed. said that boss is tougher than they can even imagine. and that if he had already died that Killer doubts the castle or the universe it had been in would have still been as stable as it had been when they visited.
Which, Cross knows Killer is right. Cross had seen what happens to a universe that grows too instable and gets destroyed. He had lived in it.
Still. the worry remains and-
"Nothing." Horror joins them again "where too next?"
Killer looks over at Horror "We are at another branch. Science or magic."
Horror frowns as Dust finally speaks again "Both can be promising or worrying. Both have ways of knowing about the multiverse and them..."
Horror nods "Meaning, which way do we think Nightmare would pick if he had to make small jumps. and which could he get stuck in if a large jump misfired?"
Killer frowns as he looks back at his phone and the copy of the general multiverse map he made. Cross looks over his shoulder and frowns with him. Cross can see what makes Killer hesitant to pick either. both paths look promising.
Dust tilts his skull "Which universes are in both paths? And which is saver for a babybones."
Cross turns to Dust and knows so are Killer and Horror.
Dust rolls his eye lights "We know who he is. He knows that. The multiverse at large? Does not. their story isnt known. either way. If nightmare remembers everything and he is going where we think he is going. He will pick the path off least resistence as he knows he is..." a glance around before softer "fragile. if he does not remember. He will take the path of least resistence because trauma and past injuries. So. Which is safer for a babybones?"
Killer blinks before looking back at his list and removing universes. Most Fell universes go straight out. so fo the Mafia stuff. Blaster AUs are next to go. any Genocide endings are out as well and Killer reconsiders the map.
Killer frowns "There is no clear path anymore. a lot of zigzagging. But! I think i see a path which could be seen as safe." he snorts and wiggles his eyebrows, how he does it Cross never figured out, "We can go by a Lustverse."
Dust looks wholly unimpressed and Horror looks disapproving "Focus. Adn are you sure?"
Killer snorts but nods "Yeah. Lustverse is originally build on having a children wish and that not working correctly or something. I don't remember they details but if they see a child they will 100% protect him." he nods and looks at Cross "Knife ready?"
Cross nods as he pulls out his knife "Where to?"
Killer joins his side "We are going to a pacifist upper tale thing. just aim east and slice and it should connect." Cross does as told and the portal fuzzes for a bit before a clear rift opens. On the other side green grass and sunshine.
Cross waits until the other three entered before looking around them quickly. No one near. good. and he goes in.
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Nightmare is not a fan of this.
The market is too open and there are too many people.
Good side about it is though... a lot of them will give you free samples and food if you are a kid.
Nightmare walks around another stand and stops by one with all kinds of fruit. it is a lot harder to look over the edge and see all of it but he makes it work. He still hasn't eaten today and really should.
He can't quite remember how much food he needs and when. For now he just gets food whenever he gets really hungry. Just a tiny snack to keep him going. He had been having meals every day or other day. that is good right?
Sure he feels hungry a lot but that is probably normal. If he ate each time he got hungry he would be eating throughout the day and that just seems like a lot.
Nightmare considers the food and how much gold he still has. He had been lucky so far and hadn't been moving to a new universe yet. He had eben here for three days now instead of his normal two.
"Oh hello again friend!"
Nightmare flinches and has to stop himself from ducking away. He looks up and sees the man behind the stall smiling. "... hello..."
The man grins "Good to see you back again little friend. we had been worried when no one spotted you. Would you like to help me test some of the fruits? I can only sell the best stuff of course!"
Nightmare... knows he is just trying to ease him into accepting it. even though he knows it... it works. his soul swells a bit at the idea of helping and being seen as helpful. Nightmare isn't sure why. Ever since he finished shrinking it has become hard to understand himself.
He looks to the side but nods "okay..."
the man nods and considers the fruit "well. I personally think the grapes may be a bit off." he grabs a cluster of grapes and holds it out.
Nightmare holds his own hands under it and the man releases the grapes, never touching him. which is probably because Nightmare can't stop flinching and backing away when people raise their hands or voices.
Nightmare picks one off and eats it. it tastes so good! Sweet and refreshing. nightmare takes his time to eat the tiny treat before looking back at him "It is good." he holds the grapes back out to give back.
The man nods as he taps his chin "that is good to hear. you mind finishing those all and come back if any of them tasted off? We need a good sample size of the tastetesting." he says it as he calmly places a box full of grape clusters ready for sale.
Ngihtmare immediantly pulls the grape close again and nods "Sure..." he doesn't promise it. He isn't an idiot to make promises to strangers. but this man has never been difficult about him having to pay much more than a taste test. Nightmare figures it is something else pity he just pities him but Nightmare just.. can't focus as easily on those things anymore. it is harder too focus on certain stuff and if he tries to force himself to focus or think certain ways it just causes his skull to ache.
So he tries to stay in the now and reacts and thinks only to what happens or are direct threats.
He walks through the market as he eats his grapes. one by one. enjoying each one.
Nightmare is very disappointed when the cluster is all gone and takes a moment to find a trashcan to throw it away. some woman coo and mutter about such a good mannered child and Nightmare feels himself blush and feels the need to hide. it isn't that big of a deal! H just threw soemthing away! be good for nature and stuff and don't throw it just on the ground!
Nightmare quickly leaves the area and starts to make his way back to where he left his stuff. He needs to relax. maybe he can read his book for a moment and nap.
He walks between people and makes sure to not touch anyone. letting his eye lights look around the crowd.
Then he freezes.
Was that white?
probably not right?
Nightmare still strains his eye lights to search the area he saw it. Then he spots him.
And Nightmare cna see that Cross spotted him at exactly the same time.
Neither of them look away from each other for a moment. Nightmare feels his soul pick up the pace as the need to run rises by the second. It is fine. It is fine! Cross... cross probably doesn't even realise he was here! It is just a coincidence.
Cross turns his skull a tiny bit but his eye lights don't break eye contact. Cross is saying something to someone and Nightmare breaks the eye contact to glace.
That is Killer.
Ngihtmare doesn't think as he turns and runs right into the crowd.
"Wait!"
Yup! That is Cross! Nightmar keeps running.
He goes between people and dives under stalls as he uses the crowd for cover. he makes a turn and glances back only to see Cross a lot closer.
Shit.
He makes another sharp turn and spots an possible escape. He rushes into an alleyway and dives behind a dumpster and stays very quiet.
it only takes a few seconds before he hears running steps. he sees a flash of white between the opening of the dumpster and the wall.
the footsteps don't pause and Cross keeps running.
It takes a while but eventually it goes quiet again.
Nightmare waits for a while longer before wiggling his way out of the enclosed space. he checks the area as he jumps out and goes back into the market. He pulls the hood of the hoody back on and puts his hands into his pockets.
He can't hide the skeleton feet as he isn't wearing socks or shoes but this will have to do for now.
He is such an idiot! He should have kept moving instead of staying in the same universe for so long! Nightmare nods to himself. He will go to his little hidey place. grab his things. and make a jump.
He cuts through the market and finds the building with the empty storage he had taken over. he climbs in through the window and huffs as he lands hard in his little hidey place.
Nightmare leans against the wall and lets out a breath in relieve. okay. he is fine. he is fine. he is-
"Ah!" he gets picked up and is suddenly held back against a much larger form.
"Finally. we have been looking everywhere."
Nightmare freezes because that is Dust. Then he starts to struggle and fight more to be let go.
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Dust runs over the roof tops as he easily keeps up with the small form in the market. Cross on the ground not far behind.
To say they are relieved would be an understatement. They had actually found boss.
How is he so tiny? Are all six year olds that tiny? Or is he just that tiny because of... well everything?
Dust isn't sure.
When Cross had frozen they had all turned to him to see what had been wrong. He had motioned that he had found Nightmare. Only for Nightmare to start running.
Which, rude. What the hell Nightmare?
Killer had been quick to step up to the job or right hand and gave them orders. Cross would follow on foot. Dust would go over the rooftops to make sure we didn't lose him. Killer nad Horror would go around the market and go to the other end to corner him if necessary.
Dust watches Nightmare dive into an alleyway and hide. Cross follows the path but once he can't spot Nightmare he keeps running right back out. only a moment later Nightmare comes out of hiding and goes back the way he came.
Dust follows him from the rooftops. making sure to stay quiet as he does so. He does take a moment to take his phone out and text the others that he still has eyes on Nightmare and is following him.
This does imply that Nightmare doesn't remember him. Why else would he freak out at the sight of Cross? Cross of all skeletons?
But if Nightmare doesn't have his memories and only remembers Dream as fellow skeleton... maybe that could explain why he freaked out?
Or it is because all of you betrayed him and he knows you can't be trusted the voice of papyrus is not welcome at the moment.
Dust glares as he keeps following Nightmare "shut up. you don't know shit."
he laughs oh? Cursing already? You will infect your terrible manners unto the tiny babybones. unless of course you just do what you should and kill him.
Dust slowly moves to the next roof "I already told you. I am not killing him."
A huff Then what will you do?! He is useless like this! Offers nothing!
Dust hisses his own answer back "He is a child. He doesn't have to offer anything."
a laugh so now he is a child? While before he was just your weakened boss? Which is is sans?
Dust ignores the ghost as he watches Nightmare disappear into a building. Dust is quick to silently follow him. Nightmare pants as he leans against the wall under the window that Dust is perched on. Dust scans the room before anything else. It is empty and looks old. in the corner he spots a backpack that looks a lot like one of Cross's anime backpacks. it lays on a thin blanket of some kind. otherwise the room is filled with boxes and other junk.
Nightmare looks calm and Dust acts quickly as he scoops Nightmare up as he lands inside the room.
Dust lets out a breath as tension leaves his body "Finally. we have been looking everywhere." They found him. they did it.
Nightmare is frozen for a moment before he starts to wiggle and struggle "let me go!"
Oh fuck that voice is so much higher than before. also shit Ngihtmare is slippery!
Dust groans as he tries to tighten his hold on the small skeleton but he is unsure how to do this without hurting the other. he is so much tinier than he thought he would be. Not to forget most likely much much more fragile. How does he hold Nightmare like this?!
Dust tries to change his handhold but alost drops Ngihtmare "Calm down Nightmare. it is just me." maybe he just didn't recognise him? please remember him.
more laughter What now you are scared he forgot you? Like he ever mattered to you! Hah!
Dust wants to snap at the voice but stops himself. If nightmare really doesn't know who they are than talking out loud to something no one else hears is not the right way to introduce himself.
Nightmare does not stop struggling and Dust keeps having to change his hold on the other.
In the end Dust decides to just sit down under the window and roll up around the tiny babybones- Nightmare. around nightmare. He ahs to remind himself it is Nightmare.
But... nightmare is a babybones now. or was always a babybones.
... mental and moral problem for later with how he will deal with that.
At least Nightmare stopped struggling. instead jjust panting harshly in his hold. No doubt tired from first trying to escape them and then struggling to be freed.
Dust just hugs the other tighter. do not relax his hold and give the other a chance to escape.
He is so tiny! so much lighter than Dust expected him to be. Also thinner as most of his form seems to be just the hoody. Wait that is his old hoody.
Dust isn't sure how to react to this. How to react to the feeling of having this tiny babybones against and with him.
Well good job. you have captured a babybones. are you going to kill him like you killed me? remembering how i was as babyboned never stopped you from killing me after all.
Dust feels his hold tighten on Nightmare. No. he is not going to hurt nightmare. Dust can be a good... a good.. henchman. and henchman help their boss. even if their boss is now tiny and easy to hold and so so thin and feels warm against them and Dust can feel the tiny fragile soul slowly calm down as they are close enough that Dust can feel it pulse and beat in the other.
Dust sighs as he struggles to find words "That is better." he makes sure one of his arms has a tight hold on Ngihtmare before he grabs his phone. He opens the group chat and types a message 'I got him. Just have to get back to you guys. See you outside of town, south side.' and he sends it. only a moment before he gets celebratory emojis back for the news.
Dust puts the phone away and stands "Time to go." he turns to the window.
Nightmare immediantly starts to struggle "no! My stuff!"
Dust frowns down before looking back. It shouldn't matter. They can just grab stuff he wants from other universes and they did that before... then again. If anyone understands how you can unreasonably attached to objects it is Dust, he still has Papyrus' scarf after all.
Dust nods and walks over to the corner of things. He holds one arm around Nightmare, holding him against his shoulder and partly over it. as he packes the stuff laying around with his other hand.
Thin blanket, backpack just holds a book, a lighter, a pocketknife and some gold. Not a lot but if this is all NIghtmare had to make his way through the multiverse for the last month it is all the more impressive.
Dust can't help but ask "Why not take more things?" he finishes packing and puts the backpack on Ngihtmare's back before taking a tight hold on him again as he easily lifts him.
Nightmare grumbles but mutters and answer "Too heavy... travel light and find what you need."
Dust freezes. He hadn't expected an answer. but if... if Ngihtmare answered then... "Ready... to meet up with the others?"
Ngihtmare freezes and wiggles for a moment before going lax with a sigh "you four met back up?"
Dust feels his soul relax. He remembers them. He rememebrs them! Oh this makes everything so much better!
Dust grins as he checks outside the window "Of course." of course they would emet back up to find him. obviously. Now. To get to the tohers and get the hell out of here.
They are going to have to figure out how to manage this child after all.
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They had aqcuired the child! now they just need to figure out how to be parents lmao. I am sure they will be fine :) They only lightly traumatized Nightmare here by stalking him, hunting him, intruding on his safe space, and forcefully moving him :D
They are fine you all :D
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This one was fun to write! so mcuh fun! i love getting them all to interact and do things :D
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So you're a go to source for all things Dick&Tim bros and you tend to write primarily from Dick's POV. So, odd question, but if you were to summarize their relationship from his POV in FIVE panels which panels would you pick? Keeping in mind that one specific aspect of their relationship that you love needs to be clearly represented by each panel (loyalty, trust etc). I hope this is a fun challenge and not an annoying question so if you don't want to answer that's cool! Have a wonderful day!
No more talk. The same thoughts run through two minds... (SotB 29) / You're my equal. My closest ally. (RR 1) / I can't stop thinking how much I rely on him. (GoG 3)
25 Feelings Dick Has About Tim
This was such a kind ask & a cool challenge which I totally failed; here are TWENTY-five panels of Dick's POV on Tim sdfdsfds Look, I got carried away! Marcia and Cindy! The boys!!
OKAY SO BEFORE I GET TO THE PANELS A FEW NOTES:
WARNING THAT THERE ARE SOME NEGATIVE EMOTIONS IN HERE because I love conflict but but but you gotta remember those are not the final word!! They are complicated people and sometimes they get mad at each other BUT ultimately their relationship is so hugely important in both their lives & they love each other and rely on each other so much -!!! <3
Also I have CONCLUDING THOUGHTS at the end about what Dick's POV leaves out (mostly: a lot of Dick defending & protecting & supporting Tim, which Dick does instinctively but isn't very self-aware about most of the time)
I have loosely organized my list into 5^5 format (5 categories with 5 examples each!), so if you want to skip to a relevant one, here are the categories!!
Below the cut:
I hate him and find him infuriating (#1-5)
On second thought, he's endearing & fun (#6-10)
Grief is complicated & he's all tangled up in mine (#11-15)
I love him & think highly of him (#16-20)
I rely on him & though it's hard for me, I trust him (#21-25)
I hate him and find him infuriating (#1 - 5)
1) He thinks he’s so smart and can psychoanalyze me and Bruce, but he doesn’t know me at all, he should get lost (New Titans 61)
2) He thinks he’s so smart and can psychoanalyze Bruce but he doesn’t know Bruce at all, he should get lost (Gotham Knights 26)
3) He is so nosy about stuff that is MY business (Robin 0)
4) He sounds like an insincere suck-up half the time... but okay, fine, if you push him he's got a sense of humor about it (New Titans 65)
5) I'm sure he's a better vigilante than me. It's my fault for being a failure, but I resent him anyway. (Nightwing 9 - Dick's having a nightmare)
On second thought, he's kinda endearing (#6-10)
6) He worries too much and gets anxious so easily, but it makes him fun to tease (Robin 67)
7) I'm not that competitive - okay, so maybe I'm a little competitive, I gotta make sure he doesn't get a swelled head (Prodigal)
8) I'm supposed to be his favorite! It is not cool for him to be fanboying over my not-girlfriend's not-boyfriend!! (Birds of Prey 19)
9) We have fun together. I can kick back and relax when it's just the two of us. Plus I get to boss him around a bit. (Prodigal)
10) He’s always trying to reassure me, and I guess it's a little comforting, but also he doesn’t really get it. Or me. He makes excuses that he shouldn't, because he doesn't understand that I suck. (Nightwing 64)
Grief is complicated and he's all tangled up in mine (#11 - 15)
11) He reminds me of everything I try not to think about. Sometimes the memories are so strong it hurts to look at him. (Batman 441)
12) WHY IS HE BEING IMPOSSIBLE ALL OF A SUDDEN??? THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING (Nightwing 139)
13) We're the same. He says all the things I don't let myself think about. It's like arguing with myself. (Nightwing 139)
14) He thinks he gets to tell me what to do but he doesn’t, fuck him (Battle for the Cowl)
15) Life sucks, so what. I sucked it up so he should too (RR 1)
I love him and think highly of him (#16 - 20)
16) He’s the closest thing to a brother I’ll ever have. If someone hurts him I will hurt them harder. (Nightwing 6)
17) I can't handle the idea of losing him. (Nightwing 97)
17) He’s so good and I’m not. I'm afraid I’m bad for him. (Nightwing 110)
18) He’s better than me, and it’s kind of a relief because I know no matter what he’ll be okay. (Gates of Gotham 3)
19) In my head he’s the responsible one. (Gotham Knights 10)
I rely on him, and though it's hard for me, I trust him (#20-25)
20) I know I have to trust him but I'm afraid he'll make the wrong choices and get hurt (Nightwing 139)
21) I'm sure I know what he should do because I see myself in him - not that I can take my own advice, but he should (Blackest Night 3)
22) I trust him. When I’m losing my grip on things, he pulls me back. (Gotham Knights 10)
23) I want him to trust me (Red Robin 12)
24) He can tell when I'm lying. Sometimes he sees my weaknesses better than I wish he did. (Detective Comics 874)
25) He’s always there when I need him. (Teen Titans / Outsiders Secret Files)
Final rambling thoughts:
TIM: Uhh, okay, so I'm just skimming this list - do you really trust me? you're not just saying that? - but anyway, I'm confused because you left some stuff out? Like some stuff that's kinda important?
DICK: No? I think I got everything?
TIM (starts counting on his fingers): The time I was having a bad day but then I called you. The time I got captured by Two-Face but then you saved me. The time I fell off a train but then you saved me. The time I fell off a building but then you saved me. The time I fell off a different building -
DICK: I feel like you're trying to make some kind of point but I'm not sure what it could be.
SO THE THING IS, I put 25 panels in here and not a single one has Dick catching Tim when he’s falling!!! But I think that's a central motif of their relationship from Tim’s POV, not Dick’s. I love Dick, but in some ways I think he is spectacularly un-self-aware.
And I think he especially has a lot of blind spots about Tim. He kinda intermittently gets that Tim admires him, and he enjoys it in a playful I-get-to-boss-you-around way. But Dick tends to consistently underestimate all of his own good qualities & skills, and he meets Tim at a point in his life when he's especially down on himself & his abilities. And so he's unable to see his own influence on Tim, & therefore unable to fully understand a lot of Tim's priorities and loyalties and motivations, because you can't actually understand Tim without understanding Dick's impact on him. There's a fascinating moment in Bruce Wayne: Murderer when Dick's completely blindsided & upset to discover that Tim doesn't entirely trust Bruce, even though this has been a definitive fact of Tim's whole thing ever since he showed up with his Batman needs Robin theory, and Barbara has to actively remind Dick of the obvious-to-everyone-except-Dick fact that a lot of Tim's loyalty is to Dick, and Tim loves Bruce but feels free to be more wary of him. (And to give Bruce credit: this is not something he ever begrudges.) But anyway Babs points this out, and Dick manages to sorta process it for about five seconds, but he cannot actually accept it into his worldview so instead he discards it at the speed of light and goes off and has an argument with Tim instead sdfsfdsf
All of Dick's virtues - Dick's kindness at the circus and Dick's determination to fight through grief and Dick's rigid sense of morals and Dick's vigilante skills and every time Dick has ever backed Tim up or listened to him or protected him or saved him from something or just been casually kind to a stranger in Tim's presence etc etc etc - all these things loom really large in Tim's mental story of Who Dick Is, and What Dick And Tim's Relationship Is. Tim meets Dick before he meets Bruce, trusts Dick more than Bruce, aspires to be Robin instead of Batman. And so in Tim's default version of the story, Dick is the super-special and admirable hero and Tim is... nobody in particular, a tagalong outsider who's barely managing to be a hero, not part of Dick and Bruce's family and not part of their story, who, if he's VERY LUCKY and tries REALLY HARD, might be able to fight his way to proving himself and offering something to Dick that Dick will value, if Dick doesn't get fed up with him first.
But that's not Dick's version of the story!!!
Dick's version of the story is almost the exact opposite, a story where Dick's an outcast failure black sheep who's screwing up everything he tries, and meanwhile Tim is The Sudden New Perfect Robin Who's Better Than Me And Probably Bruce Loves Him More And Probably They Gossip About What A Loser I Am, mixed with a complicated edge of Tim Thinks He's So Smart But He Doesn't Know Me/Us At All. Dick gets much more attached to Tim over time, and Tim gets unnervingly better at the know-it-all psychoanalysis so then Dick gets to have complicated feelings about him being right instead of just annoyance at him for being wrong, plus Dick's relationship with Bruce improves a lot, so Tim stops feeling so threatening. But Dick never fundamentally changes his basic theory of their relationship in which Tim is highly impressive and capable, and Dick is not so much.
And so asking Dick about Tim is kinda like if you asked George Bailey to tell you about Harry Bailey in It's A Wonderful Life; like, you'll be there for five hours while he tells you how great Harry is, and how accomplished Harry is, and how he doesn't really get how or why Harry does the things he does, and maybe George does feel a little resentful or jealous sometimes, but that pales in comparison to all his admiration and trust for Harry who he loves so much, who's better than him in so many ways, and he's not gonna openly gripe but secretly he can't help but feel sometimes like he's such a failure in comparison to Harry, a perfect person who emerged fully formed from Zeus's head with all the virtues and also all the accomplishments, etc. etc. etc. --
-- and he will not actually remember the part where he changed and saved Harry's whole entire life unless you literally send him to an alternate timeline in order to force him to remember it. <3
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