#okay that's not true i write pretty often but i just never share it because im nervous

[rainyvandragon]

Oh those precious memories~

See I could tell myself that it's okay that I'm writing this because I am a catholic woman but let's be real those things just aren't true any more. So instead I am going to claim this as an emotional craving because of that time of the month. Definitely nothing along the lines of 10 year revival of my fanfiction writing phase. And it's totally, in no way related to any issues I might have. Totally sane, I tell you.

! 18+ Minors do not interact, I am NOT a fckn daycare!

Yandere! Hazbin Hotel x GN! Reader

Content warning: obsessive behaviour, stalking, slight NSFW (more in some parts then others), just a bunch of red flags and things that I do not condone irl

Charlie:

Honestly Charlie might be the most sane of the bunch in this regard

She isn't to interested in stealing anything from you, that is just not something she would be comfortable with – in general but especially with her Darling

However she doesn't mind keeping things that you let her borrow

It doesn't even matter what

You gave her a hair tie because one of hers broke? She'll cherish it forever

It was raining on a day she had to go out and you suggested she could use your umbrella? Pretty much hers now

Of course the greatest thing for her would be you lending her some of your clothes

She would most likely spend the next nights cuddling up to it in bed

Oh the frustration when the fabric no longer smells like you but rather her!

Yeah sure, she can give you your things back. She just forgot them in her room, oops! Don't worry she'll get them later

Unless she forgets again...

Vaggie:

She would never take anything you truly need or value

In all seriousness, Vaggie could never stand the idea of inconveniencing her Darling

However unlike Charlie she is just not close enough with you (yet) to count on you giving things to her

So instead she uses the position she has in the Hotel

There was a movie night with everybody invited?

Well somehow ever since the clean up the blanket you were cuddled up in is gone. Oh well, Vaggie will just get a new one, they weren't that expensive to begin with anyway (and if she is fast enough with it nobody is even going to notice anything)

Sadly those lucky occasions that allow her to grab some reminders of your shared time don't come around to often

And Vaggie respects you and herself to much to steal from you or go through your garbage bin

Thankfully she has the patience to wait for those windows of opportunity

And hey, since everything went relatively smoothly this week why not suggest another movie night to Charlie? Everyone involved seemed to enjoy it anyway – so there really is no harm done, right?

Angel:

Anybody who immediately thought of Angel stealing his Darling's underwear needs to take a cold shower!

Now don't get me wrong – he has thought about it

He does have a relatively high drive and desire for intimacy and sex

So sure the idea of taking something rather personal from you did cross his mind

But deep down Anthony just is a little sweetheart and he just couldn't take something like your underwear or other intimate items from you without any sort of consent

As for other, less private things

It doesn't matter if Angel and you have the same of different sizes – he WILL steal your clothes and wear them

If you wear make-up or nail polish he will definitely “borrow” things – especially lipstick

Now if his Darling is somebody who likes to keep a lot of pillows or plushies in bed he is definitely not shy about taking things from that pile either. Although, depending on how well Darling keeps track of those things, he might only borrow them for a night or two – maybe rotating between some, making sure to leave them under the bed upon returning so it looks like it just fell off the mattress

Alastor:

Now Alastor is already rather torn apart when he first noticed his desire for your belongings

He never once though about stealing from you...until you forgot something in the lobby – a book, notebook, pen, whatever it was – it was just lying there on the table next to the couches

Ever the gentleman he obviously wanted to return it to you but something inside of him fought against the very idea of it. This might be the closet he gets to having you (at least for now), his Darling

As his obsession towards you continues to grow some of his past life's interests stir awake inside of him

One day whilst helping out you cut yourself on some damaged bit of furniture. Alastor is immediately there to offer you a handkerchief to stop the bleeding – a handkerchief that quickly becomes one of his most prised possessions

If his Darling has a period he might steal some...used goods

However in comparison to some of the others, he is a lot less hungry for souvenirs

Although that is really just because, unlike them, he can use his shadows to be around you whenever and as close as he pleases

Husk:

Husk would never just go into his Darling's room to steal things from them – even if the idea sounds lovely

No instead he just checks for things you leave behind

Now his job at the hotel really helps him with that

You almost exclusively talk at the bar (“Redemption Based Group Exercises” being the only real exception)

At this point he has a rather large collection of napkins that you used or doodled on

Sometimes they disgust him but then he looks at them, the little doodles (even just to test a pen) you left on some of them, all those marks of you (bonus points for lipstick stained napkins) and he just can't

The guilty feelings are even worse with a tissue you once cried it. It's just to close of a reminder of you to throw away!

Anything small that you forget at or close to the bar gets saved by him – pens, small pieces of paper, hair ties, buttons from your clothes, whatever really. If it's small and unimportant enough for you to not really miss it he is going to keep it

Nifty:

Nifty is easily the worst of them all

She is small, fast, obsession driven and the hotel's maid on top of that

What matters most to her is how close to your body her little mementos are (it's pretty much the same way in wish the catholic church determines the value of a saint's relic)

Nifty will most definitely collect hair out of your brush

Or rummage through your garbage bins

Now if somebody is going to steal used period products!

She just really doesn't value her Darling's privacy in the slightest so she has no issues going through every little crevice of your room to look for some “hidden treasures”

Although her favourite thing to do is sleep in your used bedsheets

She is going to wash them – don't worry! Simply just not without first sleeping in them herself for a bit

---------------------------------------------------------

Welp this is the first time in a long while that I've actually written fanfiction so I got those emotions to sort through I guess.

English is not my first language however given how arrogant I can be regarding my skills this should be well enough written. Prove reading was done by Open Office's spell checking system and my high ass.

[writingmeraki]

min ho as your bf hcs !

genre : fluff ! romance !

pairing : min ho x gn!reader, strangers to friends to oblivious idiots to lovers :)

warnings : insecurity and jealousy ( not anything too alarming ), attempt at comedy, kissing, not proofread ! ( lmk if i missed anything ! ) also self indulgent at times 😔

author's note : dawg it's 5:30 am pulled this out of the two last living braincells of my brains to dip my toes into this xo kitty craze i am having, especially for min ho but anyways! idk if i like this, ( it's normal I'm so sorry I'm never sure if i like what i write at times because i end up writing at the ass crack of dawn and that too unhinged 😔) i kinda find it longer than i intended it to be but hope you like it <3 I'll be writing more if I get feedback and expect something else soon :)

word count : 3.4k (💀)

how you met !

- You'd both met when it was your first day at KISS.

- Well since it's Min ho, i feel like it would take a lot for someone to put an impression on him to make him remember them.

- At the welcome party, he was pretty bored, already used to these types of parties when you'd walk in, clueless looking like a deer in headlights, in your pretty little outfit.

- It definitely made him curious nonetheless, even though you seemed lost, you still had a smile, maintaining a confident aura.

- You'd probably be nervous on the inside though, but lucky for you, someone like you, that was Kitty, happened to also seem lost.

- You both connected immediately, her being new to Korea wanting to get to know her own roots and ofc her boyfriend more while you were there because you'd been wanting a change from your life back home and what better city than Seoul !

- Well okay, you didn't really pick it, it was more so of you just throwing a dart at the map back in your room to choose where you wanted to go as a fresh start and it landed on Seoul. You'd call it fate.

- Now back to the party, as you chattered with Kitty, you walked into someone and you felt your breath hitch, upon seeing him.

- It did feel like those cliche weird movie moments, when you think that this is probably it.

- As he was obviously annoyed at Kitty, he turned to the person beside her and his eyes widened.

- It was you. The one that caught his eye right at the beginning.

- Before anything, you flashed your soft smile at him, an apologetic look in your eyes, apologizing for bumping into him, on behalf of Kitty

"I'm sorry, we didn't mean to bump into you, I can get you some paper towels?" You said gently and Min ho definitely wanted to continue hearing you, already really loving the way you sounded.

Q would definitely be shocked though, seeing him look flustered, and staring at you, blinking twice. He never thought he'd ever see his best friend being so…speechless.

He literally had to bump his shoulder to snap him out of daze which seemed to have worked, for the most part.

- You all introduced yourselves, finding out they'd been Dae, Kitty's boyfriend's best friends, and with the way she seemed a bit taken aback by the way she looked at Min ho made you feel like you'd definitely didn't know something.

- And unknowingly both Q and Kitty did notice, sharing a puzzled look, at Min ho's state. They'd met a while ago but clearly there was already something there. A new thing, blooming slowly.

how you got together !

- And fast forward a bit, Kitty who was true to her matchmaking skills, knew you both liked each other.

- You'd both hang out often over the few weeks, connecting more and despite her own love life being confused, she was determined to make you both realize you were oblivious idiots who liked each other, idiots nonetheless.

- He'd upgraded to talking freely around you more, but you found out he wasn't the shy person you thought he was the first time you met him, the very next day, when he began to compliment himself and flash his annoyingly handsome smirk at you.

- But despite his cockiness, you knew he cared about those he loved. Small gestures and actions are proof enough. He was someone who cared without showing it much, giving gifts was his love language and that only made you more convinced you'd definitely gained feelings for him.

- And alas, you came to her, spilling out your feelings, how you had already found him attractive since the first time you saw him, at first you genuinely thought he'd be a jerk, knowing better than to think a handsome face had a good personality.

- And as much as you were terrifyingly nervous of having such a revelation regarding a boy you'd met only a few months ago now, you don't think you'd ever regret liking someone like Min ho.

-Now it was up to the matchmaker to make you both realize you were meant to be.

-The perfect match, in her words and Min ho definitely scoffed at her words when she confronted him about his own feelings, definitely not because you had said to never ever mention anything about how you felt to him, she just wanted to make sure, and as always her gut was right.

- As much as he scoffed at her words recalling his own family, he couldn't stop his own heart from fluttering as he thought of being together with you, and even to him, this revelation made him a bit taken aback but he was sure, he was sure about how he felt about you.

- They all planned to get you to confess during the camping trip, unsurprisingly all of your mutual friends knowing you had both liked each other and agreed, getting tired of seeing you pining for each other in secret, as cute as it was.

-Kitty would tell you to dress up nicely, saying she had planned a dinner, making up excuses about how there was this spot, perfect for chilling, you did find her behavior a bit odd, but with her persuasive nature, you agreed.

- She made you wear this one outfit, it was one you'd bought and adored a lot, you didn't even know you had packed it, but it made you look amazing and was made for you, in Kitty's words.

- Then she did your hair and applied light make up, your suspicions being even more, asking her a million questions about whether all this was really necessary if it's going to be just us chilling, her just dismissing your questions.

- Min ho wasn't too different on the other end, but Q knew him. Min ho was one who dressed to impress, more of himself nonetheless, he knew he wouldn't hold back on his style.

- And he was right because when he just told Min ho to dress his best tonight and Min ho being Min ho dressed in a fucking suit. Yeah he was not one to mess around his fashion game.

- Q made up a similar reason, something about a dinner at this cool spot. And Min ho didn't really question much, going along.

- When you were almost near the place, Kitty suddenly placed her hands on your eyes from behind you, making you chuckle nervously, asking her if she'd suddenly had a grudge and had really just brought you out to kill you.

- Kitty rolled her eyes, you not seeing her of course, having your vision being engulfed in a sudden darkness.

Whispering softly into your ears, she told you

"Just trust me on this one and you should thank me later."

- On the other side, Min ho almost screamed when he felt his eyes being covered in a sudden darkness by a blind fold, Q choosing a blind fold knowing if he kept his hands, Min ho would go on a long rant about how to not touch his face, and would probably snap back saying how he said that but he allowed you to touch his face to poke his cheeks.

"Q, bro, as much as I love you, I am not into thi-"

"Shut up."

He led Min ho, now only a feet away from the spot,

"And thank me later genius, preferably with your fancy water, it tastes amazing."

- Kitty and Q looked at each other making sure, you both were facing each other.

- Knowing you both were probably going to say something, they both just smiled at each other and let your eyes become uncovered.

- As you adjusted your eyesight to your surroundings, you'd both spotted each other, surprised was probably what you felt.

- Yet upon seeing the way your hair was done, the way your makeup only enhances your features, your gentle eyes sparkling under the soft moonlight, your outfit only adding to your beauty, Min ho just wanted to treasure you forever if he could as his heart picked up in pace, more enchanted by your mere presence.

- You were no different, a reminder that he was definitely sculpted by Aphrodite herself as the moonlight fell upon his face, his suit only making you more trapped, fitting him perfectly, his hair styled to perfection, some strands escaping and gently resting on his forehead.

"Well! Now that you're both here, enjoy! And oh, don't mess this up, please for the sake of all of us fed up with you oblivious idiots!"

Kitty said suddenly making you look at her, furrowing your eyebrows at her words and upon hearing Q's agreement Min ho narrowed his eyes at being called an idiot and before the both of you could say another word they turned around and left.

- You took in the surroundings, now noticing the glittering fairylights and the table set up in front of you, a rose bouquet placed in the middle, filled with specifically red roses and some candles.

"Looks like they set us up."

Min ho said, already catching onto what this was all about, and it made him just a tad bit nervous

"Oh and uh if you feel uncomfortable, we can go back-"

Giggling at the way he seemed sheepish and nervous at the same time, you shake your head,

"Not at all, we can't let their efforts go to waste now can we? After all, we shouldn't mess this up."

You air quoted the final words, moving forward to take a seat.

Min ho had a small smile on his face as he heard you giggle, nodding along

"Yeah you're right. Covey will probably throw me off this cliff."

You chuckled as you both sat down

"Don't worry, I'll jump after you to save you. Can't let my date be murdered by my best friend."

His eyes widened a bit at your words, you paused a bit wondering if you spoke too much maybe, but all your doubts dissolved when he replied

"What no! You can't hurt yourself because of me!"

- You were sure your cheeks would have hurt from the amount of laughing and giggles you'd share with Min ho that night, convinced you'd never laugh this much in one night your entire life.

- And as the night came to an end, you both sat on the cliff, looking at the stars, sharing sneaky glances and adorable grins. You knew it was the right moment to just let it all out

"Min ho."

Humming at you, he looked at you from his previous stargazing, sitting beside him with his jacket over your shoulders to top off the clicheness, looking just unreal and you had done nothing but call him yet he loves it a lot more than he'd admit.

"I think I'm in love with you."

You said it, there. Out in the open. Out of the temporary home the words had found on the tip of your tongue and you braced yourself for the worst of the worst.

You looked away, gulping back up at the stars.

"Come on now, you can't just look away after that."

Min ho gently cupped your face, to make you look at him, his cooler fingers a contrast to your warm cheeks.

He smirked at you, leaning closer,

"I know you do."

Frowning a bit at his answer, you narrowed your eyes at him, but he had more to say

"But, I don't think I am in love with you though, I know I am definitely in love with you."

You gaped at his words, staring into his sincere eyes, moving yourself closer as he leaned in more and more.

"Can I ?"

He asked softly, foreheads touching each other, your breathing in sync.

"Please."

- It was slow and gentle, something unknown to the both of you, letting your feelings be conveyed through the touch of your lips. You had placed your hands around his neck pulling him closer as his own hands moved to your waist.

You pulled away shortly, needing to breathe, foreheads still touching each other.

"So does this mean we're official ?" You timidly asked and he responded,

"We'll take it however you want it to be but I won't lie, I would love to be your boyfriend."

He finished with a cheeky grin and you giggled

"Okay then, boyfriend."

Pecking him one more time as his grin grew wider, you knew this was probably your biggest happiness till date.

how being in a relationship with him is !

- It was no joke when he said giving gifts was his own love language.

- He spoiled you to the brim, despite your protests. You didn't mind them of course. It's just throughout your life you'd only get such special gifts on big occasions but he got them for you on random Tuesdays and you felt like you were getting more than you deserve.

"Baby, you know how much I love you, this is my own way of showing it." He'd pouted it to you when you had protested once and you being the best partner you tried to be, just accepted them and of course treasured them safely in your room.

- As much as Min ho didn't mind showing affection to you in public because for one he didn't really care about what others thought of his actions,it was his life, he'd been living it how he wanted and wouldn't let anyone change that.

- But he was protective of you in public, holding your hand, though you didn't mind that at all when his larger hands seemed to perfectly wrap around yours as you pulled him closer to you.

- He'd probably let you and only you use his skincare routine products, in fact going in the extra mile and teaching you how to use them and what to use them for, applying them for you, a little like your very own spa treatment, and you giggled sometimes seeing him focused and serious when talking about how you didn't really need them since you were already perfect.

"You're already beautiful though." He told you as he applied a moisturizer on your face that for the love of all good things, you didn't know the name of. "This will just keep your skin looking healthy but if you don't want to use it, we can stop of course."

"It's okay. It feels nice." You hummed as he trailed his fingers gently on your face, massaging it, and he smiled at your content look. He knew you were a little stressed due to some tests hence why he insisted you take a break with him at the moment.

"I'm glad then."

- He knew you loved his cooking, even before you got together, he'd always been making food for you when you would be at his dorm. He already knew your favorite dishes so when you felt down, he'd be ready with your comfort food.

- He loved to hear your little reviews about his cooking, you always had something to say about any dish he made, whether it was just the right amount of spice or how the tofu made the dish even more delicious, he listened to your suggestions and would use that to improve his skills.

- He'd teach you how to cook as well, starting with smaller and less complicated dishes,feeling his heart swell with happiness when you were successful at one and even if you failed, he'd reassure you that it's alright and we can try it again or another dish.

- Kisses were often shared anywhere and anytime even if your friends would complain about it, calling you gross and lovesick fools, you didn't care about what they said when you felt the familiar butterflies in your stomach as your lips touched his.

- You made him a very long playlist consisting of all and every song that reminded you of him, reminded you of moments with him, reminded you of how he made your heart flutter.

- He'd listen to it, telling you what parts he loved and he too had a similar playlist, it was probably the cheesiest thing to do, as Kitty said but then again you felt all kinds of so called cheesy emotions whenever you were with him.

- He would introduce you to his mother, and that too very proudly. You were nervous but he reassured you about how his mom would probably love you and she did, a sigh of relief coming from you when Min ho told you that.

- Your parents, on the other hand, were definitely charmed by him. He knew his way with words and what to say and nonetheless they loved him!

- Study dates in the libraries tended to end up with you giggling at his ridiculous jokes and him teasing you about how you were so cute, making you slap his arm lightly as you would feel your cheeks warm up.

- Playing footsies was always convenient when you were not paying attention to him, too focused on your novel and you just shook your head on the way and stifled your laughter at his pout.

- He was not a jealous person, not at least after you became his. Before sure, he'd glare at those who tried to ask you out, being happy when you turned them down.

- Q reminding him you weren't dating him for him to get jealous but now that you were, he didn't feel the need to get jealous.

- If he felt like someone was looking at you in that way, he'd either wrap his arm around your waist and kiss you cheek, smiling with a certain glint to the other and they got the message alright. Nothing serious but sometimes he can be jealous.

- You, though, you weren't jealous but maybe you tended to get insecure at times. Thinking Min ho could have whoever he wanted yet he chose you as you would find a pretty girl leaning onto him.

But the scoff of disgust as he leaned away, and said something to her which would make her turn around in shame and walk away with her head down, made you look at him, him coming towards your way, smiling as he finally spotted you.

"Hi baby! I was just looking for you." He grinned widely as he wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you into his side, his eyes shining brightly as he looked down at you, in those moments you knew, even if he wanted whoever he wanted, you had him and he had you.

- He's talkative, talking about anything and everything under the sun and moon, you'd give your attention those times, nods of confirmation to questions and gasps of shock when he said something particularly astounding.

- He was grateful to have someone who'd listen to him talk, as simple as that gesture is, he's grateful for that someone to have been you.

- He loves it when you play with his hair as he lays his head on your lap, brushing through his soft locks, easing his worries.

- You love to just cuddle with him when you can, him just holding you when you need it or pulling you onto him from your previous position of sitting beside him on the couch.

- Expect all kinds of date ideas to be pulled off, sometimes by you or by him or even by your friends. Movies, adventure parks, haunted houses, you name it but you think that no matter what, even if you could stare at paint dry on a wall, as long as you have Min ho with you, you couldn't ask for more.

- Despite his cocky moments at times, you sometimes would roll your eyes at him and just sigh softly, or better yet, you love to see his flustered expression whenever you agree on his self praises.

"We all know that my existence is probably the highlight of your day, guys, just admit it." He would say with a smug grin, Q already rolling his eyes and Kitty just scoffing and you replied

"Of course baby, you're the highlight of my life!" You grinned widely at him, chuckling when his ears got a little red and he just nodded "Y-yeah see!"

"I'll be b-back!" You laughed at him,

"Oh he's so whipped for you." Kitty said which only made you laugh more loudly.

- In the end, Min ho was convinced that even if he didn't believe in star crossed lovers, he'd definitely have to thank fate to make someone like you become his.

- And oh Kitty of course.

all written works as well as images and edits (unless credited) belong to pri.do not plagiarise, repost, re-edit or claim as yours. pics mostly found on pinterest.

writingmeraki Ⓒ 2023

feedback is always appreciated 💗

links : main navi !

[ungodly-amounts-of-godly-trauma]

wotw round 1

propaganda under the cut!

shen qingqiu:

Okay first a quick intro: Shen Qingqiu / Shen Yuan is the main character of SVSSS, and his deal is that he's a guy from the modern world who wakes up in the novel he read, in the body of one of the characters. Shen Yuan is his name in his original world, while Shen Qingqiu is the name of the character he became - that he uses for himself for most of the novel.

Now, what happened to him… The thing is, at the core of his woobification are his actual canon traits, but some fans really crank them up to the point where it becomes a disservice to the character. So you never know when someone saying "oh Shen Qingqiu is so oblivious" means "due to several intersecting factors Shen Qingqiu has some extremely specific blindspots regarding certain topics" (which is just true) or "haha Shen Qingqiu could get kissed by a man and still not realize that man has romantic feelings for him" (just one variation of the sentiment, but one i find particularly bewildering considering. in canon. a man kissing him was exactly what made Shen Qingqiu realize that man was actually in love with him. like my dudes the bar is low but its there!).

Stumbling into this second version in fic was funny a first few times, but now it's like… I genuinely can't tell whether any particular author is overplaying it for comedy, or genuinely believes the character is That dumb.

Also ppl often severely underestimate his power level. Like idk if that's because they compare him to the characters he often hangs out with, who are those genius top-of-the-world experts (despite him outpacing literally everyone else he ever fought against), or because of how he bungled his first-ever case (like, you know, two weeks after waking up in a whole NEW BODY, in a different world), or because he tends to downplay his own strength and also tries to avoid killing people… but like, this man took a technique that in the original was just "aesthetic and interesting" and developed it into something that could be super deadly within weeks, he's just not using it that way. And he also fixed og Shen Qingqiu's broken cultivation within the first few months of being in that body. So he's actually extremely talented and pretty strong, he just spends most of the book either nerfed by external factors (such as poison that disables his spiritual energy at random times) or surrounded by veritable powerhouses.

And this is for Shen Yuan-as-Shen Qingqiu. But the version that drives me completely up the wall is actually the portrayal of just Shen Yuan - in fanworks where he either never gets transported to the world of the novel, or wakes up as a different character. Because suddenly the traits that already get unduly amplified with Shen Qingqiu version become straight up caricature-like. He's not only oblivious to the extreme, he also gets painted as this completely naive soft babyboi (this is about a guy whose most well-known pre-transmigration canon trait is that he writes famously vitriolic rants about novels on the internet); plus, like, on the physical level, super frail and waifish which uh. wow. nice walking right back into the BL tropes the novel itself avoided?…… So yeah I'm super not keen on this portrayal. I know he doesn't appear as not-Shen Qingqiu version of himself in the novel, if we don't count the rant in the beginning, but like. please extrapolate from the character we actually have instead of writing this mega-woobie who shares nothing with the base version?

Terrible little bastard man who has a sad backstory but is actually genuinely a terrible person. Fans like to act like he is just a soft sad boi deep inside and make him lose all of his edge.

So the thing about Shen Jiu / og!Shen Qingqiu in canon is that we first learn of him as an unquestionably, almost cartoonishly villainous character. As in, he is literally a villain in the book our main character has been reading… before dying and waking up in the world of the book, as that very villain (hence the distinction of Shen Jiu being the "original" Shen Qingqiu, as our main character begins to use the name Shen Qingqiu for himself. Shen Jiu, however, is an old name that only the original has used). The original Shen Qingqiu that our main character knows is a serial child abuser in a teaching position, a murderer (killed his colleague, killed his old fiancee's entire family…), and a lecher (visited brothels and had designs on his female disciple).

Then, over the course of the novel, we learn more about Shen Jiu - in particular, that a number of things our MC "knew" about him were not true. He did not kill his colleague, but rather failed to save him, despite trying to; he killed his "fiancee"'s family because her older brother has abused him for years (and also, Shen Jiu was forced into agreeing to marry her), and also he only actually killed half of them (only men); he visited brothels because he only felt safe in the company of women, and he just went there to get a good night's sleep; and he only ever saw that female disciple he was accused of lusting after as a daughter. And in general, he had a horrible childhood, and was himself a victim of abuse.

However, not everything gets disproved. Shen Jiu still turned from a victim to perpetrator, abusing a child (coincidentally the protagonist of the og book) and trying to set him up to die/be killed several times. Canon is very clear on that point. The situation with Shen Jiu and the og book version of the protagonist is very much an illustration of cycles of abuse.

Also at a certain point, we meet the author of the in-world book, the one our MC was reading - who explains he scrapped Shen Jiu's tragic backstory because it would make him too controversial. Quoting from memory, something like: 'if you said he was a villain, he was also tragic; but if you said he was pitiful, he'd also done terrible things. All in all, a character like this was a hotbed for all kinds of fandom discourse.'

Prophetic fucking words.

Somehow, seeing all that, some 'fans' have decided to jump into a completely opposite direction: making Shen Jiu a poor little misunderstood meow meow who did nothing wrong ever and was a soft princess and totally was never mean to the protagonist ("the protagonist just has inflated sense of ego and misunderstood Shen Jiu's normal teaching as singling him out for abuse" was a take I had to see with my own two eyeballs. Theres btw an extra from Shen Jiu's pov where he laments that the fake manual he gave the kid has failed to horrifically kill him yet).

Which puts the rest of us in an awkward position of having to defend his canon assholery. Like, the whole point of this character is that he's complex! That he's both a villain and a victim! Reducing him to just one is doing him a disservice, and either extreme is equally incorrect! And this is something that happens with many similar characters, I know, but what boggles my mind about Shen Jiu's case in particular is that. it's spelled out. The whole deal with his character is spelled out in canon. And some people still go "oh so Shen Jiu was secretly the most morally pure and good character, got it". Like. how?????????????? ??? ?? ?????

noriaki kakyoin:

Uke-fied to the max so he can be shipped with jotaro lol

Ohmygod where do I even start. Kakyoin's the poster boy for twinkification and woobification of a canonically very capable, interesting (and not twinky at all) character who's so many things at once- a loyal friend, really smart, a bit of a weirdo, infodumping trivia at random times, quick-thinking in dangerous situations, reckless, polite and respectful, vengeful towards enemies but always kind to friends, depressed, determined and motivated in the face of mortal danger despite it all - even when he had the chance to leave the Stradust Crusaders and just come back to his normal life, he decided to stick with them. This decision eventually cost him his life since he got killed by Dio, the main villain. The fandom either calls him a cardboard with no personality (which is not true at ALL, where did that take even come from) or they downplay his canon badassery- Jotaro x Kakyoin shippers are often guilty of this along with twinkifying Kakyoin. The ship is fine, but they're way more interesting if you take into account their canon characterisation as huge weirdos who somehow work pretty well together- they're both different flavors of autistic that sometimes just so happen to align on the same wavelength.

[quinloki]

I'm usually pretty open about everything - kink, smut, sex, morality, etc. including, I hope, mental health. But I don't know that I talk about it often as I could.

I'm not obligated to share things about myself. I choose to - I'm not obligated to write, draw, or even answer asks - I do these things because I find enjoyment in them, and I personally find extra enjoyment by creating a space that's comfortable for more than just me.

Today, is a bad day. I get them - I talk about getting them I know, I'm pretty open with "don't panic, I'm just taking a day away." or lower keyed, or some such.

One of the reasons I'm like that is because about three years ago I lost an exceptionally dear friend.

A force of nature.

A... objectively good person, who was, at the time of his passing about a year younger than I was.

Far too young. Here one moment, gone the next.

Today is hard. The A/C is out, it's hot outside, there's three fans in the room and one in the window trying desperately to keep things cool and comfortable enough. Funnily enough my day job, that good old 9-5 is the least stressful thing I'm dealing with.

I passed out from the stress a bit ago. Not like, blacked out and hit the floor, but like, one minute I'm eating on the couch, the next it's 2 hours later and my throat hurts because I was leaned back snoring like some old geezer conked out for an afternoon nap.

Which was more stress - I missed waking up my spouse, missed the time I could've spent doing other things, missed - well.

It's not yet a good day.

Honestly, I'm not sure what I mean with this post. I'll be okay, I always am. I guess I wanted to let people know, as much as I appreciate that y'all look up to me, please do not ever make the mistake of thinking I'm, I don't know, endlessly in control, I guess.

I struggle, say dumb shit, make mistakes, have pretty severe panic attacks, am 100% depressed, am egregiously terrified of bugs (I cannot tell you how much I loathe the fact that the window is open right now), and certainly have plenty of times, moments... days - weeks, every now and again - where it's not ideal.

Being true to myself in the face of that is, probably, kind of cool. I can concede that much.

Whatever my point for this post was, in closing I'll say - you're not alone. You're 100% worth it. It's so much bullshit to hear "it does get better" because it does, but it's never fast enough I swear. It's okay to have it down pat and then just not. Mistakes are a part of life you'll be making them in your 70s, but so long as you can take something from learn - a lesson learned, a capacity expanded, an understanding that some mistakes will be things you repeat, despite your best laid plans, and that's okay.

I love you - as a friend, as an acquaintance, as a fellow member of the wildly variable and frustratingly complicated collective known as humans, and maybe even as something more.

I'm glad you're here.

[mxdarling]

[inside the closet, it's full of rainbows]

or how the astral express crew react to you coming out to them.

found family astral express, ooc astral express crew, fluff post, lowercase, definitely rushed, platonic, not proofread, 1.8k wc, reader could be trailblazer or not, spoiler free, reader's gender/sexuality is left ambiguous.

[a/n; soooo... pride month, yes, it's gay mfs, i initially wanted to get this out earlier but uh- i forgot to write it??? so um- i'm very sorry!! this might be like a whole month late? but it's never too late to say happy pride month!! <33 also repost bcs IT AIN'T SHOWING UP IN THE TAGS???]

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ :March 7th;

➮ okay hear me out, her first reaction is either gonna be "WHAT!?" or "HAHA I KNEW IT!!"

➮ because if you're super lowkey about your sexuality/gender then she probably never even thought of the possibility of you being part of the skittle squad like- she's literally mouth gaping bcs SHE HAD ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA THAT YOU WEREN'T STRAIGHT/CISGENDER???

➮ she probably got the vibe that maybe you weren't straight/cisgender?? like maybe the way you dress or the way you act to certain gender/sex that gave her the idea but she didn't wanna assume nor did you say anything to confirm or deny her thoughts so she kinda just dropped it but she still held some curiosity but just didn't act upon it y'know- pretty girls respect privacy!!

➮ ORR if you're less secretive about your gender/sexuality, wearing pride pins, your flag colors, saying jokes implying your gender/sexuality, your romantic/lack of interests towards a certain gender/multiple genders/anything romantic or sexual, etc. without ever really saying it directly then she probably got the hint (or multiple OBVIOUS hints to be exact) so when you finally confirmed it she reacts like she knew from the very beginning (like a detective having their suspicions on a person proven true, it's cute loll)

➮ now honestly speaking, no matter what gender/sexuality she's gonna be so so supportive you!! doing everything she can to make you comfortable in expressing yourself around her and the astral express! she also asks you questions about your gender/sexuality which might leave you overwhelmed if she bombers you with them but she'll back off if you verbally/clearly express signs of discomfort

➮ IF EVER you need help with clothes, like wanting to be comfortable but also stylish, finding what style suits your appearance the best, what accessories to buy, finding clothes your size, etc. your girl march has got your back!! she can't be a pretty girl without a sense of fashion!! you bet you two are gonna have the best photoshoot of your life, march gets all your best angles, not a single one is a bad photo and if you're feeling camera shy she joins in the photoshoot with you!! matching clothes is a must so you two can be cute together!!

➮ she's totally gonna drag you to most, if not all, her shopping sprees!! i'm sorry if you aren't one to go to clothes shopping often but she cannot have you miss this opportunity to try on clothes with her!! she promises you to make it worth your while (or she just begs and begs until your eventually agree LOLL)

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ :Dan Heng;

➮ this guys is either a low "i knew that" or a moment of silence before speaking up, "yeah that makes sense"

➮ LIKEE he probably had an inkling feeling that you were a little fruity, like a scratching gut feeling that you weren't straight/cisgender just didn't say anything, he knows that if you wanted him to know you would've said something so he waited for you to tell him yourself to not pressure you into doing something you weren't comfortable. he understands things such as these are private matters, if you don't wanna share it then it's fine—if you do then it won't change how he views and treats you as a friend! he's does feel a little bit happy that you trust him with this information (he's very much happy loll)

➮ he's definitely a lot more perceptive than march so he's more likely to pick up behavior habits or hints that would probably be "normal" in other people's eyes, like i said he says nothing about this to you or anyone, he kinda just- remembers them??? like its stored in his head in case he'll bring it up in the future for unknown reasons cause like march he doesn't wanna assume or jump to conclusions about you sooo he brushes off his curiosity until he sort of buries it deep down??? idk its hard to read the guy okay

➮ there were probably moments wherein you did something that made dan heng raise an eyebrow like this emoji "🤨" EXCEPT its more stoic and less obvious that your action made him A LITTLE suspicious... for the first few times he doesn't think about it too much because those could be coincidences or accidents, everyone has those moments (right? right??? yeah.) but if those "coincidences" and "accidents" happen a bit more often than his gayradar goes off brr

➮ he's very much supportive just not as loud as march is, he does basically everything march does but in a more subtle manner like he's researching all night about your gender/sexuality to make sure he doesn't say anything insensitive or make a wrong assumption about your gender/sexuality, reading materials that contain your gender/sexuality so he can understand how you feel better, etc. he also asks you some of his questions directly but he doesn't really wanna bother you or come off as 'too much' so he got most of his knowledge from other sources

➮ he may be quiet about his support but do not doubt that this man will defend you to hell and back if someone were to ever ever disrespect you and your boundaries, he will fight back and he will not go easy on said person or people, he MIGHT hold back if you tell him very nicely, might okay he doesn't take lightly to those that insult people who are dear to him, no way will he remain a bystander to the sight of people stepping over you like some doormat!!

➮ he doesn't do it often but he'll gift you trinkets that are the colors of your flag, like maybe not exactly the colors but he tries to find the closest one that resembles your colors flag y'know, plus he's not really good with words so this is one of the ways of showing that he loves you and you're important to him no matter what <33

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ :Himeko;

➮ honestly i feel like it's just one reaction, and it's just a soft smile and a expression that screams "i'm glad you were comfortable enough to tell me" LIKE IT'S SO SOFT AND CARING OMGGHDJHSH

➮ sorry guys himeko is just so sweet, caring, understanding, patient, emotional available i feel like she's the one you told way before anyone else because of how comfortable you are with her. SHE'S LITERALLY PERFECT WHAT ELSE CAN I SAY-

➮ i feel as though she doesn't put much thought into your personal matters because she knows that there are things that don't need to be said at all and she understands that, she won't force nor rush anything, she'll let you pick your pace, take your time, and choose when you wanna be vulnerable with her and/or the crew. she also doesn't make any bold assumptions about your gender/sexuality on her end because that's not what defines you, rather she gives her thoughts on what she DOES know about you—as a person, as a nameless, as someone dear to her.

➮ supportive mother all the way!! she does whatever makes you comfortable, like she slowly eases you in how you want to express yourself and how you feel about yourself, how you want to be address, it's just a very slow but caring process with himeko <33

➮ she feels like the type of person you'd gossip with, himeko and her black bitter coffee, you and your (favorite drink), maybe not exactly gossip but you'd tell her about certain incidents surrounding your gender/sexuality (like how you'd tell your friend/s about a new crush you developed, how the new outfit you’ve discovered makes you feel more confident, etc. etc.) like idk how to explain it but you guys see the vision?? you yapping about something and himeko just peacefully listening despite not talking much, idk i find it very sweet <33 she's definitely the type to make you your favorite food and drink if you happen to be in a bad mood because of someone else :((

➮ while she might not fully understand what it's like in your shoes, she can try to sympathize with you and be the shoulder to cry on when you feel overwhelmed with your emotions or need to let those feelings out so they don't eat you up from the inside. sometimes just being by each other's side is enough of comfort, no words are needed, just the presence and the knowledge that someone is there for you at your lowest.

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ :Welt Yang;

➮ dude feels like a old man, i'm sorry i feel like he's the one that's not the most knowledgeable about lgbtq+?? like he knows about it, he doesn't know a lot about it you get what i mean? like he'll look at you a little confused on what you said but still is accepting just needs time for you to explain to him what exactly is your gender/sexuality, he's trying he swears!!

➮ he's the clueless one, i'm not just saying this because he's an old man and stuff but i feel like he's mind is always either on the safety of the crew, the next location, or the current trailblaze mission, if he DOES have the time to not think about those things it's probably to reminisce about the past or something y'know? so he's the one that had absolutely NO IDEA you weren't straight/cisgender!!???

➮ he'll still ask questions about your gender/sexuality just to make sure he hasn't gotten anything wrong or assumed something bad about your gender/sexuality, his approach to gaining more information is kind of like a mix of march and dan heng where he'll ask questions to you and search for sources on his own.

➮ honestly idk what else to add but the fact he's definitely trying his best loll, he's still getting used to addressing you the way you wanted to be address, or he's still surprised by the way you dress yourself up but don't take any of it negative—it's just the change will catch him off guard but nevertheless supports these changes!! if it makes you comfortable and more yourself than do it! if it's not hurting you in any way, why should he stop and ruin your fun?

➮ like himeko, he'll be the listener to your yapping, might have a harder time keeping up with what you're saying sometimes if you're the type to talk really fast or jump from topic to topic but he'll still listen. he'll even surprise you by remembering the stuff you've said, even if you just mentioned it once, he still remembered it.

➮ he tries his best to give the best advice you need in your current situation, he tries not to sugarcoat his words and be as honest as he possibly can—though he can't guarantee he won't hurt your feelings, sometimes advice are words you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear.

PLEASE DO NOT COPY, REPOST, SHARE, TRANSLATE OR REUPLOAD ANY OF MY WORKS TO OTHER SITES WITHOUT MY PERMISSION + REBLOGS AND COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.

[britcision]

Thinking about how people keep pushing AI as a “well not everyone can [creative skill]” and I just… I don’t understand how they don’t see the problem with that

Because no one’s born good at drawing, or writing, or building 3D models

The whole point of having creative skills is that you need to learn how to do them. By doing them badly, often for quite a while, until you’ve tried enough things to work out what you like

And being able to word a prompt to an AI to actually get what you want is certainly a skill, and it’s certainly creative, but you’re never going to learn to draw, or write, or whatever else you’re bemoaning if you just want to push a button and get a result

And sure, it’s not like we’re going to completely run out of creatives; people with moral fibre are still going to avoid using the blatant theft that is generative AI, and will still be actually creating their own things and building skills

But if you advertise your AI and intentionally sell it to people as “hey don’t learn to draw you can just poke this button and say it’s close enough”… you’re actively discouraging people from actually trying anything

Your first attempts at any art aren’t going to look like a master’s. You’re going to be unsatisfied with your own skills over and over again, usually right before you make a drastic improvement

That’s just how creation works

And giving up and trying to make an AI do it for you instead of keeping trying and actually learning and building new skills is going to kill a lot of peoples’ creativity

It’s okay if you can’t draw as well as you’d like to. It’s okay if you can’t write a beautiful novel on the first try, or even the little oneshot you really want.

You’re going to make a lot of things that are bad, and a lot of things that are meh, and a lot of things you’ll be embarrassed you made in another ten years. Because you need to make all of those things before you can make something great, and because you need to understand that everything you think was bad and meh was pretty damn good for a beginner, and some of it will be great, and in another fifteen years you’ll see that too.

You will not become a better artist by switching to AI because it’s “easier”. You will not become a better writer by writing prompts instead of stories.

Every time you’re tempted because “the AI’s will look better than anything I make”, you are the only reason that statement is true. You might redraw your old pieces every year just to see how far you’ve come, or bury them never to be seen again, but you’re the only person limiting your creativity.

People make art with typewriters, and by throwing things at a canvas, and write single scenes and cracky one shots and snippets and round robins

Trust me, every artist you’ve ever admired knows exactly how hard, and frustrating, and time consuming it is to try and get an image from your brain into the outside world. And how many times you want to give up, or feel like you failed.

Your favourite artist has trashed a thousand pieces you would love to have seen because they weren’t good enough, or didn’t work out the way they wanted

(Yes, artists, the WIP folder gathering dust counts unless you go work on it right now)

A lot of creative efforts don’t see the light of day, and every single one goes into every single piece that does get shared

I’d love to be better at drawing! To be faster, have a better grasp at proportions and perspective and honestly to have more patience for shading and such instead of just grabbing the blur tool because it’s close enough

But those skills are underdeveloped, and are going to stay that way because the time it’d take to get good at drawing would be time I could spend writing, and that is where the demons in my soul got their hooks in first

So now, after twenty years of near-continuous work, I can write very quickly, very fluidly, and damn well… and don’t have the patience or time to try and push the same inspirations into a medium I’m less good at

(I do occasionally become possessed by an image strongly enough that I draw it anyway. I do this knowing going in that it’s going to be far from perfect, but it’ll be the best I’ve got right now)

(Also reading art tutorials and tips from great artists for 20 years does also help even if you don’t practice and I have the doodles to prove it)

And if I want a visual reference for a character… I use HeroForge to make one myself, because there are a billion creative tools that offer so much more control than just “prompt an AI until it works”

They’re not perfect, but they’re the best I can do

And if I keep doing it, and keep building those skills, that best is gonna get better and better

I’m getting better at drawing the more I give in to moments of inspiration

It’s going to take much longer, since I’m not doing it every single day (every year is still questionable), but it’ll still happen as I keep doing it

The only thing stopping everyone else from doing exactly the same is the refusal to try… and giving up on themselves and just using AI instead of trying something different

[blu3haw4]

Sneak Peek

I've been saying for this Clexaweek, I'll try to write for last year themes as I make my way updating my WIP's.

I have a headache that's killing me, so instead of posting the full chapter for today's update, i'll give you a sneak peek of what I have so far, this is probably like... less than half of the entire chapter I have planned out and I'm keeping the plot point to myself 😌

So here it is, For day three: Fake dating

Guess we'll have to work it out (Arranged Marrige from Clexaweek 2022)

Here's a little summary:

Clarke and Lexa live in a relatively small town and are forced to get married after Clarke's mother caught them hooking up. The problem? It was a one-night stand and they know nothing about each other.

And here you go, happy Clexaweek everyone, this one is spicy 😈

"Are you insane?!"

"I will be good for you, honey. Don't act like it's the first time I've picked your date for these events"

"Mom! Don't you realized how different this is?! Are you aware that the shit you pulled is some next level stalkery?!" Clarke exasperated into the phone, she had gone out to grab lunch and as usual called her mom for their weekly updates.

She was still trying to process the events of Saturday morning and her mother not having an ounce of touch when it came to social manners. Clarke had decided, though still shaken, to let it go and move one, that was until Abby brought up the gala and her recently arranged date. And all the trouble she went through to make it happen.

"Oh don't be dramatic. I've known Agustus for years, this is no difference to the Desai"

'Gustus' Clarke corrected in her head, because of course she remember such a stupid detail "I had never met Ryker before!" she hissed, because she knew how to pick her battles "I never hooked up with him before!"

Her mom tasked on her phone and Clarke almost snapped "Look, darling, I have a surgery soon, okay? I have Lexa's number and I think you should call her, you know is not as simple as showing up, so maybe arrange a date to get your stories straight" Clarke couldn't believe her mother, she was just handing out instructions as though it was a gift, something for her to be thankful of, for having such a thoughtful mother.

It shouldn't surprise her anymore, but it felt like each time Clarke thought Abby had reach a limit of craziness she just went and outdid herself, as thought it was her mission to prove to Clarke she could be worse and then act as thought every other parent -or person- acted the same.

Clarke took a couple of deep breath trying to come up with a coherent thought that wasn't finding a way to put her mother in a mental hospital and keep her there until she died. At her lack of response Abby spoke again "Sweetie you know the drill, this galas are just to help you showcase your name with a pretty and successful young adult in your arm. This people have expectations of what success looks like and you know showing up with your friends isn't it"

And of course it was true, most of the millionaires and billionaires that showed up at hospital gala's went there under the disguise of wanting to help, to share their grant of salt for the sake of medicine and people's well being. In reality they were there to inflate their egos even more, to have successful people of all ages kiss their asses to convince them to help their cause. They're expectations were for those people to have their lives figured out, to have a life plan that they could prize themself in supporting with donations, being single didn't fit their parameters.

So of course it was Clarke's braking point; in her own way, her mother was just trying to show her how much she cared. Her entire life she had gone above and beyond to support her; her passions and dreams, she paid for all her education only asking for her happiness in return. Even if often she pulled up crazy things like inviting her one-night-stand to a very elite event, or calling her ex boyfriends to ask why they had dumped her, she always had the best of intentions.

With a sigh, Clarke agreed "Okay. Can you text me her number? I'll call her soon and I'll coach her for Sunday"

∞·∞·∞

"Fuck! Don't stop!"

And for the third time in the past two hours Clarke thanked her past self for agreeing to her mother's crazy idea. Feeling Lexa's walls shudder around three of her fingers, hearing her breath fasten by the minute as her moan grew louder and louder, more desperate each thrust of Clarke hips.

Lexa was face down on the bed, her leg parted so wide that her hips were barely lifted from the bed, Clarke had a hand trapped between their bodies, her hips helping her trust deep into Lexa's cunt, as her other hand had come around Lexa's abdomen to tease her clit. Clarke was fully leaning over Lexa's back, nibbling and licking at her shoulders and neck, occasionally sharing a desperate messy kiss before Lexa's moans interrupted them. Lexa had a hand on Clarke's wrist keeping her hand from wandering away from her clit, and her other arm was stretch towards the headboard where she occasionally held from.

A call on Tuesday afternoon -because she needed a whole day to prepare- lead to a coffee date on Thursday. They rode off the indicial awkwardness and got down to business -no pun intended- Clarke explained to Lexa as best she could all the things they should prepare for and they planned out some fact about a fake relationship should people potentially ask them.

One flirty joke about their hypothetical sex life turned into a round of back and forth about their night together and before they knew it they were making out in the elevator up to Lexa's apartment. Neither cared that it was a weeknight when Clarke unbuttoned her shirt and Lexa helped her out of her bra, they couldn’t be bother about noise complaints when Clarke got down on her knees after backing Lexa to the nearest wall and devoured her as though it was her last meal.

Lexa didn't let her catch her breath before she had her pinned to the couch getting fingered down with a vigor that had Clarke wishing she hadn't left her strap on at her ex-girlfriends' place, never to be seen again. They made it to Lexa's room by common agreement that they needed more space and now here they were, making Clarke wish she still had the strap on for a different reason.

"Clarke! FUCK!"

All she could do was smirk into her shoulder and continue her rhythm, she knew Lexa wanted - needed- more; faster, harder, anything, but she wanted to stretch the moment, Lexa felt too good around her finger, under her, she was so vocal and loud and Clarke loved it. She also wanted to see how long it would take for Lexa to beg, or if she would refuse to. In the end it was Clarke the one who gave up, not realized how much she craved to hear and feel Lexa come for her, she quicken the pace of her fingers over Lexa's clit as she thrust harder into her, grunting into Lexa's back.

"Cla-rke!" the guttural moan with which Lexa came was everything Clarke wished for and she couldn't help but smile a genuine smile into Lexa's shoulder. Clarke kissed the ink on her spine as she helped her ride down her orgasm; she moved her hand grabbing Lexa's in the way, and made sure to pull out slowly, only after Lexa's breathing was back to normal -or close enough- holding her close, Clarke turned them so she was laying behind Lexa and spooning her.

Lexa sighed, eyes closed, her fingers intertwined with Clarke's, one pair of hands around her middle and the other up against her shoulder, her head resting over Clarke's bicep, her nose hiding in the underside of Clarke's flexed elbow. She felt safe, if was a feeling that should unsettle her given she had met Clarke less than a week ago and this was the second time they were seen each other. She embraced it instead, for once in her life letting her guard down.

[greenerteacups]

Hello GT! I almost never comment on anything online, but (after binge-reading Lionheart in about three days) I'm overcome with a desperate need to confess that I've developed an enormous intellectual crush on you as an author. I've never been particularly drawn to Dramione as a pairing before now - or even the HP universe in general as more than a very casual fan - but after reading nearly 600 thousand of your words, I'd be craving more even if that number was 600 million. Thank you very much for sharing Lionheart with the world.

It's a rare pleasure to read something where an immense thoughtfulness shines through so brightly not simply in bits and pieces here and there, but consistently throughout every line and every subplot you stitch together. There are other works of fiction out there that I love, but very, very few of them have been carefully crafted enough to allow me as a reader to sit back and have unshakeable confidence in the depth of the author's vision. Everything you write, from the smallest descriptive details to the grander puzzle pieces tying together each book, is delivered with such intentionality. Sometimes when reading other fiction I'll find myself impatiently wondering "okay, fantastic build-up, but when are we getting to the *really good* part"; with you, every part is the good part. The oft-cited slow-burn mantra of "it's not the destination, it's the journey" doesn't even ring true for me with Lionheart - because in your capable hands, you hurl us straight at that destination with every chapter. All of this to say that my starstruck inner writer is currently pinning a hypothetical pin-up poster of you to my hypothetical writer-ly bedroom wall as someone to look up to.

One of my favourite aspects of your work is how utterly hilarious you are both in your character dialogue and your prose. You've made me laugh more than you've made me cry - and you're guilty of making me cry a lot, especially in Book Four. You balance us between hysterical (funny) and hysterical (dirty, raw feelings) without a trace of whiplash, quite often imparting both simultaneously. Is interweaving humour with Everything Else something that comes naturally to you while writing or is it a process you're consciously juggling?

I've brooded and preened over this message for entirely far too long, and it's not fair to you. Suffice it to say you're kinder than I deserve and this made me want to cry. Any and all pin-up posters of me should render me looking like a deer in headlights, as is the appropriate reaction to this kind of honor.

I'm especially delighted by the hysteria (plural)! In general, it's easier for me to write humor than it is for me to write drama. Not that either one is easy as such, but I think drama requires more architecture. You don't have to explain if a joke is funny; it just is funny, and the audience knows why the characters are laughing/amused/happy. In drama, you have to achieve a certain level of technical character work to set up the punch of a moment; there's stakes, plotting, resonance, etc., and then you have to actually deliver it in a way that isn't either flippant, ironic, or Narm. Basically, there are more axes of failure. And the stakes of a joke failing are pretty low, too: worst case, your audience is like "eh, not that funny" and they move on. If a dramatic moment fails, it can take the legs out from under a whole arc.

One of my tests for whether a moment is ripe for comedy is the question of what the comedy is doing. Is it a realistic reflection of the character's voice in that situation? And, perhaps more importantly: why am I feeling the need to put comedy in this scene? Do I want it because it's natural and tone-appropriate, or am I trying to disguise my own insecurity about the dramatic content of the scene? If the latter, I tend to cut. You can't write from fear, you know?

[damnfandomproblems]

https://www.tumblr.com/damnfandomproblems/762172003433185280/fandom-problem-5826-my-god-this-actor-clearly?source=share

Okay, so I am pretty much agreement, but even then, regardless of how long the actor has played the character, the only person/persons fully capable of understanding a character exactly as they are is the writer(s) who created them

Actors can and absolutely do make headcanons for their characters and use their headcanons in their performance to try and make that character their own, but they're still just headcanons at the end of the day and the aren't canon until the writer(s) declared them such. The author(s) get the final say on what is actually canon or not at the end of the day, regardless of how much the actor tried to add hints of their headcanons into their performance, and regardless of how glaring obvious those hints are too, because they created and understand that character more then anyone else, because once again, they literally created the character

Sometimes, the actor and author(s) will have their own versions of the characters, and so never take the word of an actor on a character they play as gospel. Sure, it has more weight than random fans take ever will, but they still are just playing that character rather than writing their script. They know their version of the characters they play, but not the true version of them unless they get to partake in the creation of it. And yes, while those versions will often be extremely similar, they are still different at the end of the day. If you truly want to know a character as they are, talk with their writer(s), not their fans, not their actors, the writer(s)

Posting as a response to a previous problem.

[z0mbiekisses]

part one- if i can change i hope i never know.

jasmine’s life was predictable. to say the least. she had a steady routine going on. her days often blended together, until good day dema came into production. jasmine was in charge of the show. well, not completely. there was always someone above her, it was dema after all. it was different. the set was filled with bright pastels. good day dema was created to dismiss the claims “clancy” made. propaganda. jasmine knew the was all an illusion, she’s seen the gray walls day after day. hell, one of the biggest rules about dema was no music. so it definitely surprised jasmine to hear they’re forcing tyler to write an entire album. jasmine knew deep down it was suspicious. but jasmine didn’t have a choice. jasmine didn’t have options, this was the life planned for her. jasmine didn’t know about anything else. sure, she’s heard of “the outside”. but this was her life, and she just accepted it because what else was she going to do?

jasmine was waiting backstage in a dressing room for tyler to show up. to be honest, she didn’t know much about him. jasmine knew he betrayed nico and escaped from dema. jasmine never read the letters or anything, it didn’t catch her interest. she often kept to herself the best she could. trying to get through each day. jasmine did feel bad that he was being forced to do this show, but she supposed there were worse ways to be punished. jasmine didn’t understand the severity of it all. oblivious of the reality. jasmine was snapped out of her thoughts as tyler walked into the room.

“hello tyler, i’m jasmine. i’ll be taking care of you today.”, she smiled reaching her hand out for him to shake. his face was blank, emotionless. which wasn’t unusual here in dema. there was never any true joy or any feelings around. just blank slates and coldness.

jasmine took in his appearance as he shook her hand. their brown eyes meeting briefly. she took interest in his soft brown curls. jasmine almost felt sad that she’d have to turn it into a bright pastel pink. she admired it for a moment before leading tyler over to a chair.

“okay so i have these two shades of pink, one is more softer and the other is brighter.”, jasmine held up the two bottles of dye to tyler. he looked confused.

“you’re asking me?”, tyler raised his eyebrow. jasmine laughed dryly at his skepticism.

“well yeah.. it’s your hair after all.”, but tyler wasn’t phased. he just rolled his eyes.

“just get this over with it.”, jasmine was a bit surprised by his short response. but jasmine understood he wasn’t too happy about the situation. they were both aware they had to make the bishops happy. they both didn’t have a say in anything. she mixed the bleach and began to lightly coat his hair. it was quiet at first, jasmine wasn’t much for conversation. she never knew how to start them.. or carry them. but she did know how to finish them.

“have you ever dyed your hair before?”, tyler spoke up. jasmine nodded her head.

“only a strand of my hair blue. that was before i was ordered to take it out.”, jasmine shared. she was happy tyler was trying to talk to her.

“blue is a pretty color.”, tyler commented.

“blue is my favorite color.”, jasmine smiled. it was hard having a favorite color that was pretty much forbidden. but the blue skies always spoke to jasmine. especially at night when the stars would light up. reminding her that she wasn’t alone at the end of the day. or the paladin strait she could see in the distance. tyler nodded, taking mental note of it. after jasmine finished with the bleach, it was quiet again. jasmine didn’t want to wait the 30 minutes in silence. so she decided to turn on the radio. though of course, the only songs it played were scaled and icy.

“sorry.. it must be weird hearing your own voice.”, jasmine laughed lightly. fidgeting with the silver bracelets on her wrist.

“it’s okay, i’m used to it.. i just wish they were MY songs.”, tyler sighed. jasmine was confused by this response.

“your songs?”

“well i made them, but these aren’t my thoughts.. my feelings. it’s what the bishops told me to sing.”, jasmine listened to tyler. that didn’t sound unusual for the bishops. jasmine was just happy she was able to actually enjoy music. jasmine felt bad for tyler, she could tell this was hard for him. tyler had songs that actually were true to him. but of course, they were absolutely forbidden here.

“well for what it’s worth, you have a great voice.”, jasmine complimented. which made tyler smile. jasmine spent the rest of the time listening to the album while she finished up on tyler’s hair. they actually had light conversations. it was the first time in god knows how long jasmine was able to actually enjoy a conversation with someone.

“here’s your mic pack, in-ears all that stuff. i’ll come back in 10 minutes before you go on.”, jasmine gestured over to the small vanity. as she was about to walk out, tyler spoke.

“jasmine, a gift from god.”, jasmine turned around. her name spoke a lot about her character. jasmine and tyler were on two entirely different ends of their place in dema. while tyler was this traitor, jasmine was highly praised. the bishops often favored her. though, jasmine was unsure why. she knew it had something to do with her family. they had a close history with the bishops. but jasmine knew it had to be more than that. her privilege was how she ended up being in charge of this whole production.

“yeah, why do you bring it up?”, jasmine raised her eyebrows. tyler just shrugged. tyler was taking into account how different they were; at least on that level. part of him wished he could leave dema WITH jasmine. to be able to show her the truth. but tyler wasn’t even sure he’d be able to leave again.

jasmine could hear in her own in ear she was needed somewhere. so she left tyler alone. eventually she came back to let him know it was 5 minutes before showtime. tyler was just sitting there, staring at the blank white wall. jasmine felt unusually sad for him. it was rare where she was put in situations where she felt these kinds of emotions. everytime she expressed them it didn’t end well. she was quite unsure how to handle it. but with tyler, she felt different. he was different. she sat on the couch next to tyler.

“pre-show jitters?”, jasmine suggested.

“i guess you can say that.”, jasmine gave tyler a small smile.

“i look forward to hearing you perform.”, jasmine’s eyes met tyler’s. there was a small spark. which was the first jasmine had seen. jasmine was normally intimated by eye contact. but with tyler, it didn’t feel threatening. both jasmine & tyler heard it was time to head up on set. jasmine could tell tyler was disappointed.

jasmine rushed around, making sure everything was perfect. she looked down at the checklist on her clipboard. on the leather couch was an older gentleman & woman. tyler barely mumbled a word to them. to be completely honest, even jasmine was confused on who these people were. but, jasmine knew better not to ask questions. not anymore. the countdown started for the show to air.

3.

2.

1.

i know it’s hard to believe me but it’s a good day.

jasmine watched as the bright lights shined on the golden set. the yellow coated walls were vibrant & would practically radiate off the screen. exactly how it was supposed to be. jasmine watched as the two hosts talked, and tyler sat in the middle. however, he didn’t even look up at the camera. it was almost as if he was trapped in his own head. tyler didn’t even react to the hosts comments about his band name. tyler was just.. there. jasmine knew tyler didn’t want to be there. but this didn’t feel right. jasmine couldn’t focus on that though. this was what the bishops wanted. this was her job. she had to stay focus. besides, he only had one song to sing. soon enough this would be over. jasmine went off to grab the scaled and icy discs for the hosts to advertise. when she came back, the hosts looked different. the had wounds on their faces that weren’t there before. jasmine didn’t have time to worry about that. she set up the merch table, and listened as tyler sang.

“i was born a choker.. no one’s coming for me.”

jasmine was almost entranced by his voice. sure, she didn’t know many songs to compare it to. but she always loved listening to tyler. his voice easing the stress and worry she was facing. she loved listening to scaled and icy, even if tyler wasn’t too fond of it. it brought her comfort. a rare thing for jasmine. there was a pause and that’s when she called over the hosts to the merch table. jasmine noticed their eyes were both yellow. it was off-putting to say the least. but she moved over off camera & waited for them to begin the commercial break. she walked over to tyler who now looked.. sad?

“hey, told you you’d do great.”, jasmine smiled at him. trying her best to make him feel better. tyler still looked down at the ground.

“are you happy here?”, tyler asked, looking into her eyes. it was a sudden question. but tyler needed to know where exactly jasmine’s head was at.

“what else is there?”, jasmine answered honestly.

“trench.”, tyler spoke again. it was engraved in jasmine’s’ mind that there was nothing outside the dema walls for her, or anyone. and people who escape are merely fools leading themselves to slaughter. that’s what she was taught.

“i have everything i need here.”, jasmine answered simply. though, it felt more as if she was reading off a script.

“i promise, there’s more than this. you can do better.”, tyler tried to explaining to her. but this wasn’t an easy thing for her to hear. how was she supposed to believe tyler?

“and yet you’re still here.”, jasmine replied coldly. tyler frowned, his sad demeanor creeping back. he knew trying to convince jasmine to leave everything behind would be difficult. but he has to try. tyler knew jasmine deserved better then whatever this shitty place had to offer. it was time for tyler to finish his part of the show. jasmine walked away off set. she was taking apart the merch table as tyler finished singing. letting tyler’s soft voice help bring her some peace.

CUT!

jasmine went to go dismiss everyone from the set, but as she walked up she saw the two hosts bodies laying on the ground. their faces now fully wounded and bruised. their skin much paler than it once was. jasmine’s stomach felt ill. they were dead. the two people who were just up hosting a morning show were lying dead on the floor.

BAM!

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　 　˚　　　　 . ★⋆. ࿐࿔

hiiii guys!!^^ i hope you enjoyed the first part of this series. like ive mentioned, this will be a shorter story if you will, however ive been very into the lore & stuff. plus im a big maladaptive daydreamer so!!! i’ll try my best to update when i can! thank you for reading it means so much!!!:3

- v 🩶

[ussjellyfish]

Elemental asks: Lightning, spirit and fall

Lightning: What’s the most shocking plot twist you’ve ever come up with?

Once I blew up Earth. It was while I was watching Battlestar Galactica and I felt kind of grim dark, so I did. It happened off screen, but then my characters (from Stargate Atlantis) could never go home again and had to build a new home.

Spirit: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received on your writing?

I get so many little beautiful compliments. People make me art sometimes. Once someone had me sign a fic I wrote. People name their sims after babies I gave the characters in a fic...It's really lovely how much quiet, mind-blowingly wonderful feedback fanfic writers can get, and I'm so grateful I can experience that connection, because it's so wonderful to have a sense of community.

Fall: Have you ever completely abandoned a WIP?  What led to that decision.

A few times. Once I came back 18 months later and finished it because someone asked nicely on a podcast.

I have two that I'm stalled on right now.

In Small Packages - Michael Burnham/Laira Rillak, Mirror Philippa Georgiou/Katrina Cornwell. It's a little sequel to Firefly where the canon-ish Michael meets a little kid from Firefly and then meets the other Laira, who has lived a very different life. (Laira and Michael are together and really domestic in one universe, not together in the other)

It needs one more chapter and I'm pretty sure what happens and I need to sit down and write it and...I haven't yet. I was going to write two more, one where Michael gets to the other universe but that's a lot of world building and dialogue with many people and that part is intimidating me so...it might get one chapter from Laira's pov where Michael comes back and tells her what she saw, because that sounded nice.

I haven't updated that since April.

The other one I've stalled on is Quantum Variations on a Love Theme (Michael Burnham/Laira Rillak), which is really long, and me stalling on that one is entirely me having feelings that aren't helping the fic.

The people I wrote that one with (where we talked about the headcanons and I dedicated chapters to them) don't talk to me anymore. (they're very busy and our relationship is just...changing. We're growing apart, and that's okay. that happens, but opening up that file makes me sad. Sharing it with them really meant so much to me and one of them stopped reading many chapters ago and the other didn't even tell me when she'd read the finale and I am sad about that.

It's a really good birth scene. I killed it and...the people I was most immersed with, that I told everything too, are gone. It doesn't really matter to them. I don't really matter to them, and that's really hard. (this isn't true, of course, people grow away and it doesn't mean they don't love me, it's just not perhaps in the way I'd like to be loved).

So that fic represents...loss and my feelings of abandonment, and it's hard for me to go back to it and say, well, this is mine. It doesn't matter if you're not here and you're not going to bounce ideas off with me and you're not going to read it, I can still tell this story. I still want to tell this story.

It's the 12th longest fic in entire Star Trek Discovery tag and I've been working on it since January 2022. Often I struggle with what happens after the baby arrives in a long fic where someone is pregnant. Babies are great, but they're also exhausting and the characters are exhausted and the falling action is hard for me. The character's arc was getting through that process and she did and now...

So I'm a little lost on that one. I think I could wrap it up ish in a chapter, and I'll probably get there just not as soon as I'd like.

It also wouldn't be terrible if it ended there. The characters are happy, they went on a great journey together and I had fun writing it and it has some of my best work in it, it just feels sad instead of joyful at the moment.

[candylungs]

Okay I LOVED your Evan x reader thingie it’s dark and I love it ! Can you write something Herman x reader pre entity ? Because he’s the kind of person to have a facade and only show his true self after seducing the object of his obsession and would make great dark fic as well :3c

Notes: Imagine taking on an intern job at some hush, hush facility for the benefits and ending up getting turned into a electro controlled doll by the most unassuming looking guy on the pay roll

Anyway here is this answered after almost a year later. It’s been finished for a while but I went through a phase of hating it lmao.

Contains: Drugging. Surprisingly pretty tame in actions until the end. Wholly fucked intentions though. Typical DBD killer personality.

Robotic Intimacy

Herman Carter “The Doctor” x Reader

Virus-quick and all-consuming, your little town belonged to the CIA in less than a month. You knew that’s who they were, but everyone had the sensibilities to simply call them The Government. Suits hated to be called by their names. If they didn’t look so mundane in business formal, you’d think them strange and faery-like for it.

And besides, The Government meant money. Nothing compared to what they smeared on each other, but cash was enough to excite anyone where the water supply was more fluoride than water.

Missy’s Diner replaced three whole booths. The road downtown only had one pothole. You had a job that left you money at the end of the month to take a trip to the city; without avoiding the tolls.

You liked the women you worked with, could tolerate the men in the halls. When you brought your boss the bill from the Dentist, they paid it. If you were sick, they told you to stay home and that day showed up on your paycheck as a shift worked. Your mother hugged you and said she was proud and her smile didn’t fall when she said it.

Maybe there were unsavory things you saw, too. But all that good The Government brought turned your head; they paid you enough to forget.

@

He liked hearing you talk. And you talked always, to everyone, about any little thing.

Herman’s revolving door of secretaries always liked you, your stories always filled their mouths. You had that easy charm that came from an untangled mind.

You worried about money and not much else. Which was nice—Herman’s head was so overfull that your plain talk felt like a tipped bucket. He floated after being with you, worked better. And increasingly, felt that human want for further connection.

Wouldn’t it be nice to talk to you, for a change. For you to sit and hear him out on all the buzzing innovation zipping about in his brilliant brain.

At first, you were oh-so hesitant. But Herman toyed at being just as shy, tripping through his ideas without divulging the details most everyone in the facility turned their eyes from.

“There’s this nice restaurant in town,” he said slow, delighted at how quickly your eyes un-glazed at the word ‘nice’. “I’ve never been.”

Your smile was eager. “Why not, Dr. Carter? You deserve a break!”

“It seems a waste to go alone....”

You nodded, your gloves, prettily decorated with flowers at the wrist, folded like white blossoms against your drab blue dress. “Then take someone with you, silly.”

“What a wonderful idea,” Herman said, pressing at the back of his head, willing the electric weight of discovery to wait a bit longer. “Would you like to come with me?”

@

You dined on delicate plates decorated in foams and smokes and emulsions so often now that you had become expectant.

Each week, every Friday, you lay in wait for his invitation. Even as the sky grew dark and your eyes darted toward the clock, you stayed until Herman mentioned a nice restaurant.

And every Saturday you applauded the daring innovation presented in food and conversation. Which was sublime. Your actual understanding was never needed. Simply your admiration.

Herman felt emboldened.

Sharing a rich red wine, your baby blue petticoat peeking from underneath your dress as you sat on his secretary’s desk, he kissed you for the first time.

Smiling with girlish demure, you kept your eyes downward and allowed him to cup your cheek and kiss you again. But you held his hand with yours as he skimmed the edge of your petticoat.

“That’s too fast, Herman.”

He breathed your name, “You are my dearest sounding board, my darling cheerleader. I can’t contain myself, I apologize.”

Accepting his words, you threaded your fingers through his.

“I never dated in highschool,” you said. “But I always wished I could’ve been pinned by a smart, sweet boy like you.”

“You’d like a pin,” Herman said, pleased. Academics had swallowed him whole as a child. He had blinked and been a grown man, with zero experience in wooing.

But he knew people. He knew what they wanted. What they needed. And what they thought they could hide.

You nodded, “But we aren’t high schoolers, so a pin would be silly. If it were something more adult…”

The first thought to emerge from the thundering static were practical things.

Overly large goggles, specially tempered, to spare you from the nauseating glow of electricity as you clung to his arm and marveled at the efficacy of his methods. As you laughed with him over screams.

A tailored white coat that kept your womanly figure in mind as you handed him his needed tools. And perhaps squeezed his arm with a compliment or encouragement as you did so.

Most needed of all would be the metal crown he was so, so close to perfecting.

People were cowardly, flighty creatures. They saw the full majesty of what they couldn’t understand and they ran.

You weren’t any exception. Herman could wait years and tie you to him with a ring, a home, and children—you could still leave. You could still fall asleep fully entrapped in a life he’d handed you on a crackling, silver platter, wanting to leave him.

The very thought was maddening. The women that had come before you had never made it to this point so smoothly. They had all been too keen. Too quick to catch on. The blame for that was his own.

Error of want over need. He had wanted an observant, highly educated woman. He understood now he needed you.

“We’ll pick something nice out,” he said finally.

Your smile was brilliant and you kissed him vigorously, not stopping even when his hand trailed high on your thigh, slipping under your petticoat.

“Oh, Herman,” you said into a kiss, “You’re the most wonderful man.”

He knew everything must go as planned when you let him take you then and there, tugging him close and whispering wonderful encouragement as he came inside you.

@

You were overly pleased with yourself.

A thin gold chain with well-crafted charms jingled pleasantly from your wrist.

Several delicate rings brought flair when you wore them over your favorite white, satin gloves.

And best of all, genuine pearls wound around your neck every morning.

Herman was generous. He loved you feverishly. Any little thing you hinted toward liking, he gave.

Your ex had been beside himself last week at church, puckering as you soured his day with high praise for Herman—for his prestige, genius, and wealth.

The jealousy of people made you lustrous. You swallowed their envy like slick oysters, licking your lips after each seething look or tepid congratulations.

He was a perfect gentleman. Whatever he did for the government wasn’t your concern. And he never tried to make it so. Instead, he told you pretty things. He impressed you with innovation fit for meal time.

The logistics of sending men to the moon. The way a body can tattle on liars. All the wonderful ways humans are superior to everything but space and time.

He’d invited you to a special dinner in his lab. Laughing at the look on your face when he’d first suggested it, Herman had promised it would simply be a dinner and not a demonstration—those were strictly confidential.

You had never been to the lab, only his office toward the front of the building, where you and the majority of the other secretaries worked.

Rose petals appeared in the middle of the hall after you’d turned the last corner. They pointed straight ahead, into the mouth of two open doors that swallowed the end of the hall.

He must be proposing.

Your smile was radiant as you took delicate steps down the stairs beyond the doors. The heels were new and higher than you were used to but they were beautiful and Herman had bought them the moment you gasped at seeing them.

He was entranced, doing every little thing you hinted at.

You enjoyed the feeling of him wrapped around your finger.

@

The sight of you descending the stairwell and entering the chamber of all his best invention made Herman tremble with anticipation.

He had finally done it. He had figured it out. He understood now the path you and he would travel down.

Dwelling within him was an insatiable urge to kill everything in a person but the truth. And every single moment in the process was enjoyable.

You couldn’t understand that yet. But he would show you. And most importantly, he would make you stay.

Herman held out a flute of bubbling champagne, “My dear,” he said. “You are so beautiful tonight.”

Demure, you sipped the sweet and bitter alcohol, “thank you, Herman. You look very smart in that doctor’s coat.”

“Let us toast to a beautiful night,” Herman said, drinking deeply and waiting till you did the same to continue. “Tonight marks the rest of our lives, sweetling.”

“You mean…”

Herman smiled cartoonishly wide, “Yes. I mean to marry you. Will you say yes?”

The ring he removed from his coat pocket was boisterous, the large diamonds glittering as he slipped it on her finger.

“Of course I say yes,” you said quickly. “Of course I’ll marry you!”

You allowed him to seat you at a small, wooden table, covered in a long white cloth. He took your empty flute as you admired the ring. You took his hand before he could walk away and kissed his knuckles.

Eyes wet with happiness, you kissed his hand again.

“You’re the best man I could have ever asked for. I love you, Herman.”

He pet your hair and leaned down to kiss your cheek.

“I love you,” he said back. “I shall fill you up with everything I can’t stand to know alone. You are my sacred still waters.”

Your smile fell a little, but Herman didn’t need to play with pretenses any longer. You’d obediently drank the champagne. You could no longer leave him.

“You mean…. your work?”

Herman kneeled before you and kissed from your jaw to your clavicle, before nuzzling into the soft mound of your cleavage.

“Yes, my work,” he said. “My life’s work.”

“H…er..man?”

He held as you began to realize the strangeness of your body, as you thrashed, and as fell forward, unconscious.

Herman sighed, shoulders liquid as he slid to the floor with you cradled to him. Finally, he would crown you his queen and never worry where your thoughts stray. He would crack your skull open, know all your secrets, and so too would you know his.

Ever smiling, encouraging, and his.

[beauzos]

Potentially odd question but seeing as you're back in your SOBR era and I've enjoyed what I've read of your works in the past, figured I'd ask;

How do you plan out a longer story? When I do get past executive disfunction and find the energy to write, I often find myself intimidated by the sheer scale that something like a novel would require, so I mostly stick to short stories and the like. What did your first steps look like when you started working on SOBR (or any other projects of similar length)?

Not an odd question at all! I appreciate being asked and I'm going to try really hard to be helpful.

I was, for a very long time, deeply intimidated by writing long-form fiction as well. I just genuinely believed I was not capable of committing to writing anything longer than a 10-15,000 word one-shot or short story. Up until 2022, the longest complete piece of fiction I ever wrote was about 20,000 words. I also hated it, but that's beside the point. The longest unfinished work I left behind was 42,000 words, and I'd never come close to repeating that length again since I wrote it back when I was 14.

I think part of working on longer form fiction is accepting it might not get finished, and then doing it anyway. Basically, hope for the best, expect the worst, because if you never try, it'll never get done in the first place. I didn't really set out to write a novel when I came up with Beau's story. Like, I wasn't thinking about length or what it'd be, I just tried to conceive of what story I could do with him and how it might take shape. I don't know if I even planned on writing it, I just wanted to know his story.

With SOBR, I consider myself incredibly lucky, because I simply had a start-to-finish storyline within a couple days of working on it. Sure, a lot of details weren't set and many things could change, but I had an idea for the beginning, middle, and end to some extent. But you don't need to immediately have all your ideas for it to work, to be clear. I do think that having some idea of the full story is pretty essential to success. A lot of details can change, but if you have the overarching ideas, I think that helps a lot. I know there's a lot of jokes and memes about writers having no idea what to do in the middle or being stuck on the ending, but those really can be story-killers to be honest.

I'm speaking very broadly, I'll try to get into what I think my process was in a second, but a couple last minute things: you don't need to have a start to finish idea immediately, like I said. Something I think is important about the process of developing story ideas aside from like. Just thinking about it a lot is talking about it with other people. I don't know if you're the same way, but I feel like talking to friends / others about ideas makes it easier for me to clarify these ideas and develop them. Whether that's because people can give you ideas, or ask questions, or think about things in a different way than you or just being able to sharpen your idea by having to explain it to somebody, I find this super helpful.

It's also helpful because, like, okay. I've said many times you really do have to write for yourself first because that's true. All of my writing is written with myself as the audience, weird or specific or whatever it may end up being. But that doesn't mean that positive feedback isn't valuable or important to me. It's a motivator to know there could be a few people out there who enjoy what I've done. It makes it easier for me to think about my work and to work on it. So part of it is having to get over the fear of sharing, or feeling awkward talking about new characters with people, because my experience overwhelmingly is that people want to hear about this stuff.

When it comes to working on developing the ideas and outlining, I will say the very obvious advice: WRITE EVERY SINGLE IDEA DOWN. Even if it's obvious, or you're 100% certain you'll remember. Still write it down. I have a private server on Discord where I save links and pictures and snippets of writing, and I throw every idea that comes my way in the SOBR channel for me to either implement into the chapter I'm writing or into the outline. I think making these ideas concrete by writing them down-- not necessarily as a commitment but as keeping it filed away to return to.

The ideas become much fuller when you take every idea you have seriously to some extent. I struggled to make an outline for SOBR 2 but because I was taking note of every idea, I was able to piece together at least a semi-presentable idea for the story flow? It makes things easier and gives you a jumping off point. The outline is the other important part, of course. I used to never outline things, but for long-form works, you have to. You just do. Because you'll forget, or you won't see the full picture, or whatever. Figure out how all these pieces will fit together, how that scene you pictured way down the line can be reached in a natural manner. I had to connect a bunch of scenes from late game SOBR to the beginning, and although the details of how, exactly, I got there changed, I knew generally what path to take.

Insofar as beginning a project of any kind, I think just doing it without feeling compelled to finish but wanting to helps. I wrote the first chapter of SOBR to test out the characters and get a feel for the world and how I wanted to approach the story and its conflict. But although I wanted to see the story through to its natural end, I just wanted to get something done first. A little step leads to a big step. It doesn't have to perfect, it just has to be done. And once you get started, I find it easy to keep going.

But you also have to accept the possibility you may fall out of interest or the rhythm for a while. I wrote the first 4 chapters, or 30,000 words, of SOBR over the course of February to May last year. And then I didn't touch the fucking thing for four months. I felt awful. I was so discouraged that I would leave my first solid original idea behind and not work on it, even though the next chapter I had to write was supposed to be "easy" to write. I just never did it because I didn't feel the vibe anymore. But I still liked Beau and the characters.

Circling back to what I said before, what motivated me to try again was talking to others about the idea. Namely, when I started talking to some of my new friends, like Clark / @/twothpaste for example, who became interested after I started discussing some of the late game details of the story, I felt motivated because I knew there were people who wanted to read the story or wanted to see how things could get so far. It's motivating when you hear other people care. It's why I've been so motivated to work on reader feedback and publishing this year; because my coworkers cared about reading it!

Similarly, I had friends reading along as I worked on it. Clark, my friend Maggie are the main two, but I had other friends test out the early chapters. It was nice seeing how people responded and if my writing was working as intended.

In conjunction with this, although I very rarely ever write out of order, I decided to approach SOBR from a new perspective; I still skipped writing the "easy" chapter when I got back to it in September. Instead, I started from act 3 with some chapters I knew I could write and explore. Although eventually I had to change many small details, I knew what I expected from this part of the story, and got back into the world from an interesting part. I kept going for a few chapters, and once I knew it was going to get too complicated, I moved back to finishing the story in chronological order.

You have to approach your work from outside the box sometimes to maintain momentum. It's easy to get discouraged when you get stuck, but you have to find another way to make it work. Take months long breaks. Try from another scene, another act. I hate to do it, but it got me to actually start writing the fucking thing again, so I know it works.

I know I'm going beyond the scope of your question, but I do feel like the process of the middle parts is also kind of important.

To get back towards what I was actually fucking asked, I guess I can boil down the process as thus:

Discuss the ideas with others / brainstorm / write everything down

Try to arrange ideas into outline / overarching plot

Test out writing initial chapters; potentially spirals into fully writing the piece

Accept you may fall in and out of motivation; accept you may not finish it at all, but do it anyways

Keep sharing with people!!!! Don't be embarrassed or afraid, people want to hear about it!!!

I don't know if this helps much. I fear a lot of what I said is obvious advice, but unfortunately, it's tried and true. It's just putting yourself out there, being willing to try even if you might fail to finish it. And just keep thinking. Not every idea will make it in, but every idea can make the story stronger.

Also, like, I'm not going to lie. Having autism actually really helped because I became so obsessed with SOBR in September I could do nothing but finish it, but I tried to give advice that people can actually follow, y'know KRKFN I'm motivated by whatever my special interest is, but it's possible to write without that! SOBR started well before it became my special interest. It just takes more energy and devotion. Anyone can do it, with or without obsession.

After all, it's such a fleeting thing too. My interests can change rapidly, which is also why I was scared of starting projects. What if I got bored halfway through and dropped the project? In fact, here's an example: when I got really into Ace Attorney this year, I plotted out a long-form fic that I began work on. I did my outline, wrote a few chapters, got around 12,000 words in, and then I got out of Ace Attorney and back into SOBR and that was that. I dropped the project, and yes, I think that's a shame, but I also accept that that's a possibility for any project.

But it won't stop me from working on the stories I want to write. I can't worry about if it'll get done. It doesn't get done if I don't try at all. I try to remind myself of that quite often. I won't always succeed, but I never will if I don't give it a shot. And hey, maybe some day I'll come back to it. But for now, no, I won't, and that's that. I have other things to work on anyway.

So... I hope this helps! Thank you for asking me, I appreciate you want my perspective on it!

[ianthe-is-a-bitch-and-i-love-her]

Okay I've made enough posts about it I'm gonna actually write up my overall thoughts/recommendation for Ex Wives of Dracula. Real quick, since I haven't actually mentioned it up to this point, the basic premise of the story is that two former best friends reconnect in small town Texas, before one of them is brutally attacked and becomes a vampire.

Firstly, this is a book that plays with genre very effectively. You know how a lot of horror movies have one scene at the beginning of, like, normal high school bullshit before someone gets murdered? Imagine if a movie instead spent the first hour of it's runtime on a typical coming of age/romcom narrative with all the pacing and direction you'd expect from that genre, and then that scene happened. There's a real sense of genuine shock, a "oh my god this can't be happening. This kind of thing doesn't happen, right?" But it does. That first chapter of horror is very solidly written on its own, but it hits like a truck because of how normal everything has been up to that point. The rest of the book continues with that, ibterspacing its horror generously with normal life, and I found it to be pretty effective.

The book also has some very pointed critiques to make about small town culture, about how ugliness is allowed to fester because no one wants to rock the boat, and about how things like high school sports take on an outsized and overwhelming place in the collective consciousness, because what else do you have to be proud of? It's not unique stuff, but it's a take on it that rings very true in a way I haven't often seen.

The plot as a whole is pretty well executed - there are some very effective twists and surprises that never felt cheap or like they hadn't played fair with me. The core that holds it all together is the developing relationship between our main character Mindy and her long estranged, recently reconnected with best friend Lucia. I think the character writing is excellent - there's a lot of rawness and vulnerability and teenage defensiveness that is captured very well, and the way their relationship develops is messy, vulnerable, intense, and compelling. They are the beating heart of the story, and they sell it. That being said, I do think the climax and denouement are the weakest parts of the book, which really isn't ideal. They have some good stuff, but I feel like they're paced wrong and there are a few elements that aren't, like, at odds with what's come before, but that don't naturally follow from it either.

One last central element to this book is it's commitment to it's setting. This book focuses on the culture specific to 2015 conservative American high school, and if you either never knew or have forgotten how nasty that was, this book is going to punch you in the face with it. Expect an enormous amount of casual cruelty and blatant, thoughtless homophobia, transphobia, racism, fatphobia, xenophobia, and misogyny, along with nastiness towards people with eating disorders and basically every stripe of meanness or prejudice you can imagine. Speaking as someone who did go to a conservative high school in 2015, the recreation is spot on - there are even references to some specific rumors about celebrities that I remember hearing from my peers at the time - but it was jarring to hear so much casual cruelty injected into conversation by people who weren't even trying, that's just how people talked. So fair warning. As someone who grew up in that kind of environment, I found that it added extra depth to the central relationship; it was the exact kind of prejudice, internal and external, that I would've had to grapple with of I had pursued a queer relationship in high school. But I don't know how resonant that will be to people who don't share that lived experience.

On the whole, though, this is a book that I enjoyed, and one I would definitely recommend.

[stormyoceans]

Monica, you often write about your bisexual ass. Is that true? May I ask how you understood that? I'm going through a metamorphosis of myself right now, and you give the impression of a person who cares, who can share experience of findingself.

hello, anon!!!!

i can confirm i am very much bisexual and that i've dated both men and women, although my actual serious relationships count amounts to a shocking number of...... two. so you know. im hardly an expert ;;;;;;;;

realizing i was bisexual was a bit.. tortuous for me, but im gonna try my best to keep it short. im also gonna put it under a read more since it's personal stuff and people may not want to see it, so if you're still interested about my personal experience you can find it under the cut!!!!!

right, so. basically i had this best friend who i had known since elementary school and we were very close and very affectionate with each others: we would cuddle and hold hands and even exchange little pecks on the lips as an hello. no one worried about it when we were kids and we never really questioned its 'normalcy', but as we grew older (around 11/12 years old) our families made it clear that that was not 'appropriate behavior', because certain things were okay to do only with boys

then high school happened and that was.. pretty much the worst period of my life ;;;;;;; my friend and i went to the same school and were in the same class, but while she was well liked and had quite a few relationships with boys, i was bullied a lot, until one day they started to refer to me as 'that lesbian', as if it were an insult. my friend started to pull away from me a little, but she would also buy me a rose for valentine's day every year and say she missed me and that no boy made her happy as i did, so i was. a bit confused ;;;;;;;; i also felt jealous of her, but i wasn't sure if it's because i wanted to be her or if i wanted her to just be with me

and you know, i was already deep into fandom spaces at the time, but it was also very different back then: there wasn't a lot of genuine queer representation (brokeback mountain came out when i was 15 and the only other queer relationship depicted on screen at the time was tara and willow from buffy the vampire slayer), shitting on female characters was considered 'cool', and you could find essays on how liking yaoi and being interested in MLM was 'completely normal because those stories are made exclusively by straight women for other straight women' (which is why i now hate this mentality but that's a whole different matter)

ANYWAY. after high school, my friend and i grew apart, then i met a guy in university who i REALLY liked, who shared my same interests and gave me back a little of self-confidence, and we dated for almost two years. then one day my friend contacted me out of nowhere to catch up and when we met she confessed that she had always liked me, and when she kissed me i didn't stop her. so we got together and were in a relationship for three years before it ended (badly), but the important thing here is that i was in my 20s at that point, and queer representation and awareness had started to slowly get better, especially in fandom spaces where there wasn't just heterosexuality and homosexuality anymore, but people were starting to talk about bisexuality and asexuality and gender identities too, so reading about all of that kinda did the trick for me. it's when i looked back and realized that there was a reason why i was obsessed with both sailor moon and dragon ball as a kid, and that i did indeed have a crush on harrison ford as han solo in star wars and heath ledger in a knight's tale but also on keira knightley as elizabeth swann in pirates of the caribbean and katie mcgrath as morgana in merlin. it wasn't an either/or situation, i liked both and that was who i was

okay so this still ended up being long as hell ;;;;;;; and im not sure reading any of this was actually helpful, or if im even the best person to talk to about this, but i do wanna say something that i find to be true for my experience, which is: i feel like a lot of people think about bisexuality as a.. perfect balanced proportion, for lack of a better term, like it means that you're attracted to men and women (or men and non-binary people, or women and non-binary people, etc.) in equal measure, but that's not true. you can be attracted to idk.. 9 men and 1 women, or 6 women and 2 men and 2 non-binary people, and you're still very much bisexual in all cases!!!!!!

and the thing is.. i think labels in this case are important when it comes to give you a sense of self and a sense of community, but they don't have to limit you. i also think it's completely normal to maybe feel scared and confused when reading about sexual orientations and romantic orientations and gender identities, because there are some people who just connect with a definition and know who they are right away, but there are also people who don't know if something actually applies to them or not and that's okay!!!!!!! you can take all the time you need to figure it out!!!!!!!!

and if you're not sure what to identify with, but you do know that you're not straight, then it's perfectly fine to identify as just that: not straight (i know some people are not comfortable with the term 'queer' but i personally like it because you can use it as an umbrella term with that meaning, however there's nothing wrong in simply using 'not straight')

so, um, yeah ;;;;;; again, idk if this can be helpful in any way, because figuring out about being bisexual to me was just a mix of.. liking someone and trying to be in a relationship with them and then realizing you can like both men and women and thinking 'oh that's me!!', but everyone's experience is different. i don't think i have any advice to give you, except maybe 'be open to possibilities and talk to more people to hear about as many point of view as possible', but also you were right to say that i care and if you need someone to talk to, im here for you

hope you'll find the answer you're looking for, anon, and please know im holding your hand through this journey!!!!!!

[altschmerzes]

Second and last answer (then I am off tumblr again, short visit) : Oh I just read your long answer to the message. Oh my good I seriously had no Idea. I am quite new on tumblr I just got here yesterday because of your fanfic were was mentioned your name and tumblr, I did not know that this is such a intimate safe space I thought it was more of a promoting fanfic and light and fun website with "hey there" and "whats up" kind of site and just reda your last comments. I had absolutely no idea, you seem to have think that I Know this site and the type of intimacy shared and your story- it must have been so horrible to red my message! I am so so so very sorry! Thank you for letting me know. I swear I will not write you again, I hope it brings you some peace of mind that i was just stupid and dumm and not knowing anything about this and will leave tublr ! it is you life and your feelings and i want don't to tell you how to feel and have no right too and now see what a huge mistake it was to treat this as a happy rambling website. I will leave tumblr now, so you can feel a bit safer if i made you feel unsafe. I am sorry I am writing this anonounoumosly still, but I was shocked by your (rightfully strong! You are absolutely right) reaction and feel not safe enough, which I am sure is ironic to you because you were made felt so unsafe by me- it is just how it is. Have a much better day. I have the feeling everything i write would sound stupid or be taken the wrong way (not because of you understanding it wrong, but because of me not being able to express it because i neither have the language not also the insight into the topic not it seems the sensibilty needed) so i will stop now with a final and the only thing that matters and I hope you can take away: I am so sorry you were hurt because of what i said. It will never happen again.

the only reason i'm answering this at all, bc i've been sitting here staring at it kind of speechless for about 15 minutes, is just to make some things clear for anyone ELSE who might be reading my responses and getting the wrong idea from them.

i love when people connect with me here from reading my fics

i promise i am not usually an overly angry or aggressive or scary person. i don't jump down people's throats for simple mistakes or attack people or whatever. i like to think, at least from my own limited internal perspective, obviously having no idea how i come across to other people, that i'm pretty friendly and approachable and kind as a general rule. i like to think, and i hope this is true, that i am not a scary person.

this is not a particularly...... intimate platform any more than any other social media is. i often promote my fic here and have lighthearted jokes and chat about media! i link my tumblr in my fic notes for a reason, and it's not because i need or want everyone to Intimately Understand The Intricacies Of My Life. it's a blog. i also make some personal posts sometimes, about my experiences with abuse and trauma and mental health issues among other things, but that doesn't mean it's like..... some kind of holy ground safe space. this wouldn't be okay to say to anyone anywhere based on the information available to you when you did it. it is just as inappropriate to make assumptions about strangers' lives and then lecture them based on those assumptions, especially regarding something as potentially fraught as family, on a 'happy rambling website' whatever that means.

just to be clear, none of this is a communication issue. it's not about what you've said being taken the wrong way. i give people the benefit of the doubt as best i can. i extend whatever grace i can because communication is always going to be imperfect especially via text. the problem is not one with wording or with expressing yourself. the problem is that you decided to shame me, a complete stranger, for how i spoke about my parent, when you had no information about my parent, me, our relationship, or our history. full stop. that was wrong. it was wrong, it was inappropriate, it was invasive, it was presumptuous, and it was cruel. you made that choice. own it and live with it and do better.