#old slang/insults are so funny

[bapple117]

Velvette Slang Masterlist: for the fandom

A gift from a humble Brit to anyone (not from the UK) wanting to write Velv convincingly ~

Hello you wayward sinner!

Are you looking to write Velvette into a fan fiction, comic, roleplay or something else? Would you like to make her sound legit but you have no idea about British (or indeed, South London) slang? FEAR NOT! I, Bapple, am here to hold your hand and guide you through the wonderful world of British slang so you can have fun making Velv sound legit. Let's proceed!

Not all of this will be limited to the UK, of course, and it's not an exhaustive list of ALL British slang either - it's just the kind of things Velv WOULD say as someone from South London.

Insults

For men: bastard, prick, wanker, knob, dickhead, wankstain, bellend, git, tosser, sod, cock, pillock, numpty, codger (means old man)

For women: bint, bitch, slag, wench, slut, tart, trollop, scrub

For anyone: arsehole, arse, twat, sket, muppet, minger (means ugly), bugger, gobshite, cretin

The absolute worst thing you can call someone else is cunt - this is very strong and isn't used in casual conversation, unless you are in VERY informal company, in which case it's thrown around like it's nothing at all. (Come here you cheeky cunt - playful)

Terms of Endearment

Babes, hun, luv, darlin', sweetheart, mate, sweetie, mucker, pal, blud, fam, dear, dearie, honey

Eg: "Alright babes? How's it going darlin?'"

British people often use insults affectionately, too, especially with close friends as a way to tease / banter. (You silly sod, you useless prick, you cheeky git, you daft muppet, etc)

Slang Words

Drunk: trollied, smashed, pissed, wasted, legless, hammered, sloshed, battered, bladdered, merry, shitfaced, arseholed, plastered, lashed

Good: banging, well good, mint, the dogs bollocks, ace, blinding, cracking, brill, fab, neat, beast, fresh, hench, jokes (that's jokes innit), lush, peng (good looking), sick, wicked, peak, wavy

Bad: grim, naff, shite, shit, crap, tat (useless old tat), minging, rank, dry, nasty, humming (means gross)

Pleased: chuffed, buzzing, tickled pink, sorted (I'm sorted mate)

Annoyed: gutted, miffed, pissed off, fucked off, fuming, raging, ticked off, well annoyed, bovvered (used more sarcastically eg: I aint bovvered), vexed

Curses

Bollocks, fucking hell, bloody hell, bugger, piss off, any of the insults used above

Other random words

Bare = a lot of (eg bare money)

Chirpsing, grafting = flirting

Garms = clothes

Lips = kiss (are you tryna lips me?)

Peng ting = good looking person / high quality thing

Standard = of course, yeah no duh (Yeah that's standard mate.)

Tight = cheapskate (Don't be so bloody tight!)

Yard = your house (Come over to my yard)

Banter = conversation that's funny, casual, playful (S'just banter innit)

Convo, chinwag, chat = conversation

Defo = short for definite (Oh he's defo up to something)

Other random phrases

Are you taking the mick? = are you mocking me?

Stop faffing around = be serious and stop messing about

That's mad = wow, I can't believe what you just said or that's amazing

Allow it = just leave it, it's no big deal (Whatever mate, allow it)

Other helpful pointers

When British people (who talk like Velv) swear angrily we do so many times in a whole sentence and add a lot of qualifiers, eg:

"Fuck off you fucking prick, you absolute fucking useless arsehole!"

"Don't piss me off babes or I'll fucking end your shitty little life!"

Making a crude observation about something nearly always a curse in-front of it, eg:

"That's fucking rank."

"It was fucking buzzing mate!"

The Magical Use of Innit:

Innit is a wonderful word that can be used everywhere, especially for someone from South London. It basically means "isn't it?" but it has MANY uses. It can be used to mean an agreement, like "I know right?"

"That was well good innit"

"He's a right twat" - response: "INNIT!"

"It's fuckin grim in here" - "Innit mate"

Adding "well" to words

That was well good - that was well bad - that was well grim

(You get the idea)

That's about it for now!

If I think of anything else I will edit this masterlist and if anyone has any questions please feel free to pop them in my inbox. Happy writing!

[akuma74]

Since I saw many people complaining about Ace Attorney name change or something and that I have way too much time on my hand I present you:

Me showing you the name change in the french version and then re-translating them back to english so you can see the difference in word-play, edition 1 on the first game.

(All characters that are not mentionned are the one who don't have a name change or those that I don't care enough to remember their existence and even less their names, so don't ask me about them)

Now let's get started:

Main:

Miles Edgeworth: Benjamin Hunter, no wordplay here they just changed his name so he wouldn't be too hard to pronounce and remember for french kids. I hate it and love it at the same time.

Dick Gumshoe: Dick Tektiv, wordplay on "détective" which is kind of work but also not since in french this word is almost exclusively use for private detective, not cops.

First Turnabout:

Larry Butz: Paul Defès, wordplay with "poil de fesse" litterally "butt's hair", appropriate and that guy doesn't deserve a better name.

Winston Payne: Victor Boulay, play on "boulet" which is use to describe someone that is so bad and who screw up so much that they're a burden. Kind of like it better than the english one tbh

Frank Sahwit: Frank Khavu, play on "qu'à vu" litterally "saw it".

Second Turnabout:

Marvin Grossberg: Samuel Rosenberg, apparently no word play or joke here. But some people think that giving a name of jewish origin specifically to the corrupt lawyer may be based on anti-semitic stereotype.

April May: Marsha Vrill, play on "Mars-Avril" litterally "March-April".

Third Turnabout:

Wendy Oldbag: Flavie Eïchouette, play on "vieille chouette" a pejorative way to call an older woman which litterally mean "old owl".

Will Powers: Gustavo Lonté, play on "volonté" which is just "will", boring.

Cody Hackins: Kevin Miron, the joke is the name Kevin that's it. But to be more precise at the time the first game was released in France "Kevin" was internet slang who was kind of an insult toward kids spending way too much time online or others immature people lurking in the internet.

Fourth Turnabout:

Lotta Hart: Eva Cozésouci, play on "elle va causer des soucis" meaning "she is going to be trouble", which I find kind of more appropriate. Also not name related but they changed her "southern country accents" by a "Marseille accent" a southern french city whose accent is often mocked. Find it funny that If they're is one thing 'Murican and French share is their love of making fun of southern accents.

Fifth Turnabout:

Mike Meekins: Bill Ballaud, play on "ballot" which mean someone dumb and quite clumsy

Damon Gaunt, Jake Marshall and Angel Starr: useless name change that annoy me, in order: Damien, Alex and Angélique.

Also bonus the blue badger become "le lutin bleu" which in english is something along the line of "blue elf".

I let you decide if this is better or worse...

and if I do that for the rest of the games.

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Kirima vs Gyatso: The tale of the Hot(wo)man

As cute and as much as I like Gyatso making up Flameo Hotman and it looping back to ATLA (cause hey! makes sense!):

Kirima technically did it first. TT0TT (the hotman/woman part at least).

So it begs the question........... Was Hotman/woman a term before? (and just fell out of fashion 200 years later?) Was it just another annoying nickname that Kirima chose? (most likely) or BOTH? (aka it IS a term, it means "ma'am/miss/madam" but she's using it a mocking tone/not using it right).

We don't get to see Rangi's reaction so hard to say if she's as annoyed by it than the hair related ones.

Anyway. While it COULD just be another nickname, because they called Rangi "Hairpin" before they seemed to settle on "Topknot". They only use this (once), and it's AFTER they've established Topknot for a good bit. So it's a big weird (not really but eh) for them to fling out a new possible nickname when they finally established one, AND it's one they know they can get a rise out of Rangi with (literally just happened).....

So like....what if it's NOT a nickname, but she's just insulting Rangi with a word from her country and using it in a mocking manner. Like what if it translates to:

Kirima: You're not setting a very good example for the baby Avatar, Topknot. Too much rage will stunt her growth. Rangi: Stop calling me that! Kirima, bows: As you wish, madam.

Which, if read like that would make sense. But it'd mean it's not a nickname made up by Kirima with the sole purpose to piss off Rangi. It means that there is a cultural/linguistical significance to Rangi and her Nation. Which means it's a word that DID exist.

BUT....then again.... "Hotwoman" is capitalized like how Rangi's other nicknames are.....so maybe it IS a nickname? Or maybe it's just a writing stylization choice that differs between Yee and RR?

"Ok what's the post about then?" Other than demanding we give Kirima her due😤 And reminding people they already made this joke before Roku's novel 😤

Ok ok, but for real, here are my theories:

Theory 1:

It was a nickname made by Kirima just to piss Rangi off. Maybe Kirima got reincarnated as an Air Nomad named Gyatso (that'd be so fucking funny) and decided to bring that oldie but a goodie back to annoy Roku with. OR, maybe Gyatso read a diary of Kirima's and that's how he got the hotman/hotwoman idea. And made the flameo thing up himself.

Theory 2:

Hotman/woman WAS a normal word back in Kyoshi's era, but had since fallen out of use by Roku's (maybe Rangi/Kyoshi had a hand in that? jfkdlasjfd). So far out of use, Roku is just ????? confused???? (that or the Flameo part is what's confusing him, not the hotman/woman). Gyatso found some old scrolls/history books that mention the hotman/woman part and decided to bring it back (with his own spin).

Theory 3:

Either part of Theory 1/2 are right (it's either made up, or just such old slang). BUT....Gyatso didn't know about it, and thought he was inventing the wheel. Great minds think alike kinda mentality going on here.

(of course maybe they do still say hotman/woman, or even flameo hotman/woman......but they don't say it as a greeting fjksldjf)

I dunno I had some thoughts on the matter and the implications. Maybe RR and the ATLA team forgot Yee already made the joke. Maybe they remembered and didn't care/have a reasoning behind it that I don't know about jfklsajfdl I just thought it was an interesting thing to chew on.

[pikoeatsglue32]

so uh. I watched the first few official episodes of hazbin hotel and uh. I’ve got a lot to say. I’m not gonna talk about the story right now, but there’s something bothering me that I just wanted to talk about. Why doesn’t alastor use any 1920s slang? Maybe I missed something but I feel like the way he talks just doesn’t match his time period other than the slight accent. Like I would have been happy with just a “say, that’s fine!” Or something like that. Like has viv not watched a single old movie? There’s so much. Also he wouldn’t resort to using swear words to insult people. He’d use some old fashioned insult that cuts way deeper than any fuck you ever could, like cmon. Alastor should not swear, period. neither should Charlie. Or Adam, or any of the angels. Or even Lucifer. We don’t need a fuck every two seconds to be funny. It just shows you’re a bad writer that you can’t make anyone laugh without talking about sex or saying fuck every sentence. sorry for the rant. I’m probably gonna do some redesigns and rewrites just cause I’m so mad.

[chaifootsteps]

I feel like I needed to get this out somewhere but one thing about HH, and by extension HB, that always kinda made me feel weird was the cursing. Not that the cursing itself made me uncomfortable, I swear like a sailor on the daily, but how the swearing was used in the way of comedy.

Swearing isn’t used to extenuate what’s being said or make what’s being said have more of an “umph” to it. It’s just, used as the joke. Like, the character says “fuck”, that’s it that’s the joke. This is really relevant in the “Happy Day in Hell” promo.

For comparison sake, The Amazing Digital Circus pilot has jokes centered around swearing like Hazbin does, but I think that TADC lands better because the joke isn’t just “haha cartoon jester says fuck” but more so that the joke is the character literally can’t swear. They’re censored against their will, they can’t even do obscene gestures since that’s censored too (Zooble flipping off the cast).

Not only is it a funny bit that tells us a little bit more about the setting but it also means that the show doesn’t rely on swearing to make what the characters say funny and TADC has jokes that land more often because of it (the entire bit with the Gloink Queen and any scene with either Kinger or Jax was fucking hysterical).

Hazbin on the other hand? The jokes don’t do it for me. It’s just kinda, the characters saying profanity and offensive statements that are sometimes funny but not always. Also all of the characters swear the same, it makes them all feel similar and like they have the same voice.

Alastor could use 1930s slang and swear words, or not swear at all and use old timey insults. Vaggie could sound like she’s on a MySpace page of use early 2010s speech or occasionally use Spanish insults. It’s just something that would actually make the swearing funny and would make the characters all have their own voice.

I don’t consider myself apart of the Hazbin or Helluva community but I also don’t think I’m apart of the critical crowd either. I used to be a big fan of both shows and now I’m just kinda disappointed because it feels like the writing is going down hill and I’m not as excited for either show now. I just kinda wanted to get this off my chest since I’ve recently gotten back into animation because of other indie pilots like TADC.

That's the disappointing thing about swearing in HH/HB. It's not that it's heavy on swears, it's the way they're used, or rather all the ways they aren't used.

BoJack reserves one "fuck" a season and pulls it out when someone's cutting ties with BoJack. South Park swears as often as it possibly can because its objective is to push the limit until it snaps. Lackadaisy goes with old-timey curses. TADC literally censors the characters' swearing for comedy but also a certain level of horror.

When characters swear in HH/HB, it's not because Vivzie stopped and gave any thought to which of her characters would swear, and how, and why...it's just because the word "fuck" makes her giggle like a 10-year-old. No more and less.

[bondsmagii]

I've spoken before about how I really do not like people baby-talking me or using words that have the same vibe (such as calling me a blorbo or whatever) and I have finally worked out that this is the reason behind why a lot of British slang is so fucking funny. I'm not talking about the glorious insults that the English have gifted us (such as "wankstain," "bellend," "daft cunt," etc).

I'm talking about how grown men and women talk like children. just saw a grown man bitching about workplace toilet etiquette refer to his colleague taking a shit as "doing his plops." once saw another grown man refer to pissing while shitting (therefore sitting down) as a "sitty-down wee." I'm going insane here. "poo" and "wee-wee" and "willy" my god man!! so many inventive names for these things in the English language being neglected in favour of sounding like a five year old!

[ultramarine-spirit]

Of all the parts of the novel that never appeared in the manhwa, which one would you have liked to see?

Well, the lucathy kiss scene is a given. Not only it is super romantic and cute, but we get to see Athy reach 18 years old and achieve her original goal of surviving until then.

Other than that, in no particular order:

- Lucas and Athy walking on air à la Howl's Moving Castle at their market date. One of the vendors calling Athy Lucas' girlfriend, Lucas wanting to deny it but Athy shutting him up so they got free food.

- Athy asking Lily if she wanted to get married and have a child, but Lily answering she loved Athy as a daughter and that she just wanted to stay by her side forever. Athy then replying Lily was like her mom to her.

- Lucas gifting Athy Nox. It's cute, but it also addresses how Athy felt incredibly lonely without Lucas and after Blackie's death (she didn't get over it as easily as in the manhwa), and having something truly of her own, not of the "character Athanasia". She also called Nox "the child you gave me" in front of Lucas which is so funny.

- Felix freaking out about getting old and offending Claude in the process because he is older than Felix. Claude forcing Felix to drink gross soup to "stay healthy" (torturing him) but Felix not catching on and being moved because Claude "worried so much for him".

- Athy inviting Lucas to see the stars while laying in bed.

- Every Single Cabel Scene. His duel with Lucas was especially hilarious. Him gifting Athy flowers from her own garden and Athy being offended parallels manhwa! Athy being charmed when Lucas did the same. Double standards much, Athy?

- Lucathy's second market date when Lucas doesn't deny being Athy's boyfriend.

- Lucathy's tea party over the lake. It wasn't anything special from a narrative point of view, but it was super sweet and fun.

- Athy insulting the men that harassed her and Jennette when they visited the market (using very colorful slang) and kicking them in the nuts with a candy powered by her mana.

- All of LP!Lucas' scenes. This was always impossible because Spoon wouldn't (and didn't) include the LP extras in the manhwa (I understand, it would make the fandom hate like 75% of the characters), but LP!Lucas was so great OTL.

- Athy defending Lucas in front of Claude and Claude saying he must have cursed/bewitched Athy lmfao.

- Athy shutting Roger and the foreign nobles up (who called her a weak and fragile princess and tried to choose a husband for her) by bending a silver spoon in two.

- Ijekiel rejecting Jennette. It was much more compelling in the novel, expanding on their relationship in a way the manhwa didn't at all, making it a lot less interesting. I wish the manhwa would have kept it as it was, I think both of their characters changed for the worse without that added depth.

- Jennette actually getting upset over literally everyone lying to her. Her reaction in the manhwa is just so unrealistic. Jennette showing her ugly emotions in general, Spoon really didn't let her and it made her character flatter.

- Duchess Alpheus making a small appearance. Ijekiel, are you an orphan in the manhwa?

- Aety being his own character separated from Ana. He was way funnier like that and his motives made more sense, even if he was a clown. Everyone recognizing he was just a fucked up dude.

- CHIEF GRANDPA ASKING FOR ATHY'S HAIR AND BLOOD. Claude exploding half of the tower in retaliation, and then Lucas exploding the other half when he found out.

- Lucas' whole relationship with the royal wizards (who were all ikemen, including Chief Grandpa, by the way). Lucas torturing them, the wizards hating his guts, them not believing Lucas could be in love, Chief Grandpa trying to sell Lucas as a groom to Athy.

-Lucas stabbing Claude AND Athy with the World Tree's branch. Yeah, I know it would have clashed with the more dramatic tone of the manhwa, but it was so good. Athy calling him a murderer was hilarious.

- Athy hiding Claude's identity with magic when they visited the city making him look super ugly and the local men making fun of him. Claude then teaching Athy how to gamble and crushing said men at their own game. Poor Athy thought he was trying to teach her a moral lesson lmao.

- Athy's 18th birthday party, her dance with Lucas and Helena's POV of the whole thing. Yes, it was as hysterical as it sounds.

[hughiecampbelle]

Here for the ships!!! Preferably a guy but I’m easy. :)

I’m a 24 year old girl, I’m bisexual, 5’3, and Bri’ish (unfortunately). I’m AuDHD so I sometimes don’t pick up on social cues but oh BOY do I make up for it with my encyclopedic knowledge of horror movies that literally nobody apart from me wants to hear about (I love horror movies…like I really love them 😭).

I’m very much the ADHD stereotype of ‘I will get completely overwhelmed having to put clothes in the washer or do any kind of menial household tour but am completely calm and in control during an actual emergency’ so I’m surprisingly great to have around in emergencies!

I struggle a lot approaching relationships and typically do the whole ‘affectionate teasing/insults to try and hide my feelings’ before eventually opening up and letting myself be very vulnerable (thank you Daddy issues 🙏).

I think that’s about it? I hope I that is all in line with your rules. I love your writing. 🥰

Hi my love! I ship you with: M.M.!!! He loves your encyclopedic knowledge of horror movies. Though it's not his favorite genre, and will hold his hands over his eyes at especially gory parts, he enjoys both your voice and the fact that it makes you so happy. He even tries to Google more obscure facts so he can show you 1.) that he's listening and 2.) he might have the chance to impress you. He definitely loves hearing about them and could never grow tired or bored of it. He also pokes fun at your British accent. The Boys all grew used to the way Frenchie and Butcher talk, but since you're a newer addiction, your accent is especially funny and the slang terms you use are outrageous. He means it in the most affectionate way possible when he mocks you, he swears. You love his heart. Marvin cares deeply about his friends, yes even Butcher. He sees the good in all of them even if they don't deserve it. He gives people a lot of chances and, if he ever turns his back on them, it's for an incredibly good reason. He loves all of his friends in their own way and makes sure they know it, even if it is through tough love and lots of yelling. From the moment you meet you can feel how much he cares for you and it only increases when you develop feelings for one another. Your relationship is is complicated. Because of what you're up against, because of the dangers that persist, you both have a lot of anxiety over one another. Especially since Marvin's been taking over The Boys and has been having more panic attacks, more worries, he's been losing weight, etc. it creates a lot of fear. Still, you have one another. You make sure to communicate all the time even if it means having hard conversations. You tell him you're worried, especially when The Boys have to split up and get away as quickly and as far as possible. Your first date is to the movies. Marvin picks the least scary scary movie he can find and gets all the snacks you can eat. Janine told him about this one and promised it wasn't that bad, but it ends up being way worse than he expected. He makes jokes the whole way through, trying to laugh through the worst parts. Instinctively you grab his hand, offering him comfort. The theater is too dark to see and you're busy watching the movie, you don't see the goofy smile he tries to hide. Relationship Headcanon: When you're feeling overwhelmed with tasks, he's always willing to help. A lot of the time, with his anxiety and OCD, things that feel small or insignificant to other people, things that seem silly or easy, are actually incredibly daunting and overwhelming. If he can help you in any way, he will. He'd never make you feel bad about it because he understands 100%. If that means helping with the dishes or folding the laundry, then that's what he'll do.

Hope you like it my love!!! Xoxoxo💜💜💜

SHIPS ARE CLOSED

[daebakinc]

Thoughts About Terminology in Smut from a Tumblr Elder

Friends, I've been on tumblr since 2012 and writing smut since 2006. I understand a lot of you are younger and newer to writing smut. This said, I keep coming across fics with graphic and derogatory terms which make me immediately stop reading your writing.

So I figured, I'd share my thoughts and opinions on the matter to either help you with writing smut or improve to keep your audience interested.

Now, as I said, these are my opinions. These are not rules or guidelines you need to follow. You don't have to agree with them, but I genuinely dislike most smut out there because of the wording, so here we go.

The Problem

Being younger/newer writers, I understand that you're going to get your terminology from the media and porn, giving you words like tits, dick, cock, and pussy. These words are NOT sexy.

I read the phrase today "bouncing on his dick." Who is this meant to turn on? "Ah yes baby, bounce on my dick, lemme see your tits jiggle." This creates the opposite of arousal and sounds like the teens in horror movies, boning with the killer watching them before they die.

Bounce and jiggle are also not sexy. Again, I know we hear these words in media, especially music, but I think that's a big part of why they're not sexy. When I hear "jiggle" I think of jello. If you're turned on by jiggling jello, we have other issues to discuss.

The main reason tits, dick, cock, and pussy are not sexy, is because they're primarily used in a derogatory sense. If you're calling someone a "dick" you mean it in a bad way, like they're a terrible human being that generally no one likes. My personal favorite insults are "eat a dick" and "what a bag of dicks." These are insults, meant to be hurtful, so trying to turn and use them in a sexy way, it just comes off as vulgar and not sensual in the way you would want it.

Possible Solutions

Chest I know Big Matthew of Kard blew up the internet when he referred to Wonho of Monsta X's chest by saying "that man has some big ol' tiddies" but he wasn't saying it to be sexy. It was said casually, and since has been used to be funny. Tits have never been a sexy word. It's been used in phrases like "colder than a witch's tit" or like some old mobster "hey tuts, show me your tits." Again, derogatory, not sexy. For guys, I like using chest/pecs/pectorals. Those with boobs, I keep it simple with breasts.

Penis There's nothing wrong with just using the word "penis." It's what it is actually called. It can be used for men/trans/nonbinary people who have one. I'd rather be "riding a penis" than "bouncing on a dick." Some people don't like "penis" because it's too medical a term, so that's when you can get creative. You don't actually have to say what it is. You can call it their length, girth, shaft, hard-on, hard evidence of their arousal, etc. There is always something sexy about keeping mystery in the language and by not outright saying what it is. This doesn't mean you have to go full on grocery store romance novel and use terms like "his enflamed tulip" or "his elephant's trunk" but even then, though it would make me stop and chuckle, I'd prefer "enflamed tulip" to "throbbing cock" any day. I would also steer clear of the phrase "nether regions" for both penis/vagina.

Vulva/Vagina Pussy has never been sexy to me. And with rappers/musical artists singing things like "ima beat that pussy up ugly" or "wet ass pussy" it's just an immediate turn off for me. If you're talking about the front/top area where the pubic bone is, mound or puss(different from pussy, more like a cute nickname for a cat, here puss puss) are my go tos. "Fupa" ew. I didn't even know what a fupa was and had to have it explained to me not too long ago. In general, please just stay away from slang terms. Slang in smut is not your friend. There's not too much that can be said for clitoris/clit. I think these terms are fine. If this is a focused area for a bit of the writing, it's nice to switch between terms. I also like using "bud" just to change up the language. Note; "bud" can also be used for nipples, so you're not using the word too much. Vulva is also a perfectly good word. I don't see a problem using the phrase "folds" though I know some people do. "Lips" is also okay, just make sure to specify they're lips between legs, not on a face. You would be correct in thinking there is nothing sexy about the word vagina. I think a big part of this is that it's been used incorrectly so often. DO NOT USE THE WORD CUNT. CUNT IS SUPA NOT SEXY AND EASILY THE MOST DEROGATOY OF THE TERMS DISCUSSED THUS FAR. When i hear/see the word "cunt" I think of The Exorcist, and the girl fucking herself with a crucifix. Are you turned on? Good, you shouldn't be. Like penis, it's good to keep a bit of mystery in the language. Instead of "vagina" you could say warmth, heat, core, entrance. "Slit" is not my favorite, but if you're looking for a change of language, I don't mind it. Please please please please please NEVER use the word "hole." Any and all arousal drops with the word "hole."

Butt There's not really much that can be used for butt/ass. These terms are fine. There's no way to be mysterious or sexy with the language by saying something like "grabbing their round moon" LOLOLOL HOWEVER, don't use anus. This is a time I will strongly advice against the use of medical/scientific terms. Just, no. If you're trying to describe anal play, just say it's anal play/anal. Again, I would strongly advise against using the word "hole" but instead just use the action of the peen or fingers "entering" or "pushing in."

Movements If I see the words jiggle or bounce in your fic, I'm done. I don't care what else is to be said. Sincerely, no one wants to see the word jiggle. Not anyone. I understand that being thrust into can cause body parts to move, but you don't need to mention it. Not that smut is necessarily classy, but saying "jiggle" does take class out of it. If a character has "jiggling" parts, I'm assuming they're in a jackhammer-esque situation, which already is not sexy. You're writing smut to turn someone on. Jackhammer is quick and doesn't last long. You want it to last long. The movements should be slow and intentional. Sensual is your goal, not speed. Alternatives to "bounce": gyrate, grind, push, thrust, pump, move up and down.

I probably have more to say than this, but as a basis, these are my thoughts. If anyone has more to add-on, please feel free to do so.

Once again, you don't have to agree with me or follow this, but if you did, I would be more interested in your smut.

Happy writing!

~Admin V

[yournightowl]

Your Nightowl #023

One Percenter’s an old term. Been around since the 20th century, at least, which is impressive for slang. It’s only starting to  fall out of fashion these days because 1 percent is looking pretty optimistic.

Its probably more like .1 percent.

Looking back at history, i can tell that the number’s gonna keep getting smaller.

i’ve found references to an Upper Ten (percent) in some history documents. Can you imagine? One in ten.  ((유∀유|||))

Hilariously (but maybe predictably?), it was the one, not the other nine, who were least found of that ratio.  ಠ_ರೃ They felt that it wasn’t exclusive enough, and resented the implication that you can just buy your way into their social circles (you could then, you can now, and you always will be able to). One small group of incredibly un-self-aware types were so insulted that they tried to convince the media to cut it down to just the four hundred names in their address book.

There’s probably a decent chunk of people alive today who’d like how they thought. It helps that those same people are all pushing into their 90’s.  (~v^)

The odd thing is, these first labels were meant to be compliments- niceties written up by sycophants just outside the ballrooms and galas ᕕ(⌐■v■)ᕗ ���♬ , vain attempts at flattering the rich elite by

Boxing them in, i guess? i dunno how they expected their audience to receive it.

With grace, maybe. This was back when people believed that wealth was the result of divine providence instead of insider trading and a healthy distaste for your fellow man.

The One Percenter, on the other hand, is a creation of the masses. A criticism meant to highlight the absurdly unbalanced equation. That’s probably why it’s endured as long as it has, but in today’s world, it’s just not enough. You can’t shame people who are shameless- especially if all their windows are soundproof.

Taking all that into consideration, you’d think that the idea of the 99Man wouldn’t stick, but here we are. Mods aren’t cheap, but no one with money has ever been forced to get them, and even the most eccentric among them wouldn’t mod more than an eye or two. Why would they? Their bodies are pristine, healthy, regularly checked-up-on. They didn’t grow up breathing in smog or punching their own liver with a shot every night just to sleep through the anger. They don’t need to replace their body parts, because they’re all convinced that they’re going to live forever (with good reason).

So average Modder is pretty heavily in debt, and thus the 99Man has become the hero of the masses. A person driven to replace not 10% or 20% of their body with metal, but up to 99%. A self-made-man, taking full advantage of the cybernetic shackles his would-be oppressors hoped to chain him down with. A folk hero who could go around sucker punching the elite with his big robot arm, or walk through police barriers with his bulletproof skin.  (ง'̀-'́)ง

A superhero, i guess- but not the kind that fits into movies (Not that they haven’t tried. Don’t watch NineNineMan (2082), even as a joke.  ᇂvᇂ It’s not funny, it just sucks).

There’s a whole community of idiots on the net that think that HK is the 99Man, just because he’s accurate with a gun and he hasn’t been caught yet. It’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever read. Putting aside all the laws mandating that mods be easy to track, 99 man is supposed to be a hero. Heroes can be unconventional, and they can even take lives-

But they can’t be murderers. Whoever HK is, he stopped being a friend of the working class the moment he shot down that first innocent victim.

99% exhausted,

Your nightowl

[mutasharid]

¥ say you're a heretic

Vali rolls his eyes, tired of this game.

"Seven Hells, FINE. Halone’s blood, I'm the BIGGEST heretic in Ishgard! A sinner of sinners, a Nun of Shiva- Why I'd love nothing more than to go to Dravania RIGHT NOW and consort with a dragon! Please don't torture me, First Inquisitor, your vile wit and quick tongue render me powerless! How is that, you canker?"

[your-garden-rose]

How do you think the obey me characters would react to a mc who throws out of Pocket insults at literally everyone at any given time?💀 Like they just say the most random and funniest shit, even in inappropriate situations.

A/n: Bro I’m literally gagging at this ask- imagine you seeing this human yelling the most outta pocket insults at you which you don’t understand- Also, I’m sorry that I answered this late! I hope this is to your liking darling ✨

Did we order the wrong human…?

Lucifer:

Bro this old man won’t understand even a little word out of all the insults you utter in front of him. But if it’s actually funny, he may stifle in a laugh, due to his pride you know.

He’s always reprimanding you tho, he does need you to be a model student for representing RAD and Diavolo… but seeing the prince join in your antics too… give this man a break plz

However, if your insults are directed at him, expect him to give you the most menacing smirk you’ve ever seen. But be warned, you asked for your own consequences ☺️

“Ah, did you just say that I look like a wrinkly old man?… I see. I hope you won’t mind your punishment since you asked for this one Mc.”

Mammon:

I feel like he would actually catch up on your insults pretty fast and will join in with you to insult the poor soul.

Y’all both are always running from Lucifer due to the amount of times you both get in trouble for your insults. Y’all are this man’s literal headache.

If you do insult him, be prepared for a pouty Mammon for the rest of the day, it’s a cute sight honestly, for you that is.

“H-hey Mc? Why’d ya insult me? I-I’m not sad!”

Leviathan:

Look, he may be introverted, but we all know this man’s immaculate knowledge of all the terms and slangs that you use.

So he’s already on the floor laughing his ass out listening to you insult everyone over the mic when y’all are gaming. He can’t help it ya know? You your insults are just that perfect!

Just know that of you do insult this man, he will melt into a puddle of “I knew it” and “they never liked me” and “I’m just a worthless otaku”s

“I-I’m sorry, m-Mc.. I’m just a worthless otaku aren’t I?!”

Satan:

All those books on humans didn’t prepare him for this- Mc. Are you sure you’re alright? Why are you blabbering random words at random demons?

You gotta explain some of your insults to him though, you know, cause why not? It’s fun looking at him trying to understand your colourful vocabulary fr

If you do insult him however, he’s gonna be amused, his anger depends on what you called him and the intensity of it. He’ll never take it out on you though <33

“Mc… did you just insult me? Knowing that I’m the avatar of wrath? You sure are a strong human”

Asmodeus:

Mc… what are those words you uttered again? They sure did make him laugh, it’s worth it you know, making him laugh with your funny insults

He is 100% gonna hype you up every time you insult someone, cause your insults are that funny silly! Plus he’s in love with you

If you do insult him though, be prepared for a pouty demon on your back for a while. Really, he just wants your attention, and love 💕

“Mccc! Honey! What did you call me that for…”

Beezlebub:

Our precious himbo might not understand some of your insults so you may have to explain some to him.

He does find them funny! It’s just that he wants to make sure you are safe when you insult other demons. He’s always behind you as a strong protector <33

If you do insult him then expect a “sorry” with a puppy face from him. It’s really difficult trying to stay mad at him fr

“Sorry… if I did something wrong to you mc…”

Belphegor:

He’s having the time of his life having you around. That’s it. He’s a giggling little shit when next to you.

Bro will def hype you up if you are going off on someone. Bonus if it’s Lucifer. He’s also always glaring at the person you insulting at as a form of protecting you <33

If you do insult him, he’s gonna roll his eyes and act like it doesn’t bother him, but we all know, deep down this man is feeling bad for setting you off on him.

“Hmm? I don’t really care you know? You sure do sound funny though”

[margarethx]

A Sambucky story where Bucky uses a lot of 1930s and 1940s slang and nicknames to flirt with Sam, but he’s too awkward to admit that it’s actual flirting, so he lies in a moment of panic and tells Sam that these are actually old-fashioned insults.

But joke’s on him, because Steve already used all of these phrases when talking to Sam years ago, so Sam knows exactly what Bucky’s doing. He just pretends to be clueless, because it’s funny to watch his partner struggle to keep up the act. Maybe he even uses the same old nicknames back, because: “it’s a very mean insult, isn’t it Barnes... do you feel insulted? ;)”.

[cmivr]

♡ ﹑ MODERN ENCANTO SCRIPT

RULES !

⨯ i am immune / safe from death, major injury, traumatic events

⨯ i cannot be forced out of my DR unless i state my safe command

⨯ i automatically open my eyes when i shift

⨯ i shift in modern encanto, in 2022, and covid does not exist

⨯ i remember everything from my DR when i return to my CR

⨯ my subconscious knows the rest of my rules that are not stated

safe command : knocking on wall + “waiting room!”

time ratio : 1 hour = 1 week

DESIRED REALITY !

my desired reality is in encanto, meaning everyone will be animated as is, but takes place in the modern world! encanto is now a real town in colombia, and abuela is still a highly respected matriarch. there are now schools in encanto, and the town has expanded and modernized a lot. the townspeople will remain the same, but will all be wearing modern clothing. everyone will now have access to the latest technology, and will understand memes, references, culture, and slang words. i will be friends with whomever i desire while i’m there. it will include the characters from turning red, including 4*town.

DESIRED SELF !

name / nicknames : elle jacinta sanchez / eli, ella, ellie, elio, lili, lilo, lei

age : i shift in at 15 years old, born on february 15th

backstory : born to colombian-filipino parents, have a healthy happy and rich family, always at the top of my class, chaotic childhood friends with camilo and mirabel

hobbies / skills : singing, graphic design, poetry, (kpop) dancing, reading, gaming

desired appearance : animated, similar to moana’s pretty concept art, but with lighter skin, bangs, glasses, and light freckles. outfit, hair, and makeup board is here

additional :

⨯ i always have a good comeback to insults

⨯ i always smell like strawberries / vanilla

⨯ i don’t stutter when i’m angry or arguing with someone

⨯ my hair will always be very soft

⨯ i am naturally intelligent, funny, and witty

⨯ i am very charming and likeable

⨯ i am a fast learner and excel in schoolworks

⨯ i can cook and bake very well

⨯ i am good with self care / fashion / makeup

⨯ sometimes i snort when i laugh and i blush easily

RELATIONSHIPS !

all relationships will remain the same as they are in the original dr. yes, including camilo being my lover-

EXTRAS !

⨯ my family and friends love me unconditionally

⨯ i always have money on me

⨯ i am immune to dropping my phone

⨯ i find it easy to say ‘no’

⨯ crime doesn’t exist

⨯ global warming doesn’t exist, the environment is healthy

⨯ i know the cultural expectations/manners of every country

⨯ homophobia, sexism, racism etc. doesn’t exist

⨯ everybody respects each other’s religions

⨯ there are no such thing as beauty standards, just hygiene standards

⨯ i am immune to getting attached to my dr

⨯ nobody questions why i’m so excited when i shift

⨯ there is no such thing as a dress code

⨯ i own an extensive collection of makeup

⨯ my chosen restaurant/cafe/etc. is immune to being sold out of my favourite foods or cravings

⨯ my living space is immune to mess

⨯ showers are sound proof and can play my chosen music

⨯ mental health is validated

[imaginesfubu]

Happy [late] Valentine's Day everyone! I got inspiration for this post from my own relationship with my boyfriend. We don't have real "pet names," but we do call each other headass/faceass so... ????? I guess this might still count as one? Hope you enjoy!

Obey Me! Boys React to MC Affectionately Calling Them Headass/Faceass

Lucifer

"Hey, don't worry about it. I just came to check in on you, you overworked headass."

...what

What did you just call him?

Last time he checked, calling someone a headass was an insult

This man is so confused, he put his pen down

"...Come again, MC?"

"Huh? I just came in to check on you. But since you're busy and I can tell you're about to give me the whole "'MC I'm fine'" spiel, I'll see myself out. Love you, and get some sleep this time!"

He was so confused he just watched you leave with a smile on your face as if what you said was normal

What did he do wrong? Had he done something that bothered you without him realizing it? Did he say something to you that hurt you? If so, when did these events take place

Only when he finally breaks free from his overthinking, he texts Mammon to get his advise

Lucifer never thought he'd see another day when he would ask Mammon for advise

Once Mammon responded to his text that the term is meant to be an insult, however in some cases it can be used in a teasing manner.

He guessed the MC was "usin' it to be funny or teasin' ya"

Though, not a lot of people use it to be romantic

So, does that mean I'm off the hook and can have Goldie back?

Read, 2:28 a.m.

Oh, you're in for it now, MC

Mammon

You two were hanging out in his room, planning a pyramid scheme

Karasu, Mammon's pet crow, was also there to put his own two cents in

"Instead of paying taxes like good eggs, give your tax money to me," Karasu states

"Excuse you, bird-brain?! What makes you think you'll get even a cent? A Grimm, even?!"

Cue a literal squabble amongst birb bois

You can't help but laugh and say:

"Mammon, you headass! I love you though."

Mammon needs a system reboot

Congrats, Karasu thought his demon master was dead

Mammon just looks at you and blushes redder than Lucifer's eyes, but then quickly retorts:

"Oh yeah? Well you're a faceass, MC! Butistillloveyatoo"

You both just laugh and blush together, Karasu and the pyramid scheme both forgotten

Leviathan

Somehow, someway, you convinced Levi to take you to Scotland after he told you the truth behind the human myth of the Loch Ness Monster

Levi didn't want to go back, he was so embarrassed he was spotted, and even more so when he had to retreat

How can he EVER go back to Scotland after suffering so much humiliation and shame?!

But, Levi loves you enough to travel with you to help him come to terms with his past

"Levi, you mauled people back in the what, 7th Century? 6th, 8th?"

"B-b-but they were taunting me! They actually recognized me as a demon! I couldn't let anyone who saw me live..."

"Jeez, Levi, it's the 21st Century. All three Realms are changing and evolving! You have to let go and let Go- I mean Diavolo. Let go and let Diavolo."

"I'd rather watch Koko's Strage Journey with you and cuddle, but fine."

"We can do that later, headass. Your mental and emotional health is what matters to me most."

He wanted to retort, but he knew you were right.

He doesn't mind the name

Just know that he'll tell you how you reminded him of one of his favorite characters who acts all cool and a bit mean on the outside but actually is really caring on the way back to the Devildom

Satan

Reacts like an old man just like Lucifer

Were you joking with him?

Were you flirting and wanted him to react as such?

What in the 9th Circle of Devildom did you just call him?

Satan's too old to try to keep up with modern day human slang...he feels himself losing brain cells

He's come to the conclusion to study up even more on recent psychology and sociology textbooks from the human realm

He needed to confide in his partner- in-crime, Satan's own Watson to complete his Holmes: Belphie

"Hey Belphie, MC just called me a "headass."

Belphie laughed so hard he went to sleep faster than an old Microsoft Windows XP desktop shutting down

[Insert shut down sound here]

It wasn't until you called him a faceass later that day with a playful smile and a laugh threatening to come out, does he realize what's going on

Satan's gonna get you back 😉

Asmodeus

Ohohoho~

MC's feisty and playful!

You have no idea what you do to this demon

Then again, yes you do... kinda

Asmo doesn't care what you call him, so long as he knows he's loved, appreciated, and respected by you and there's no malice behind the teasing

The more you call him a headass or a faceass with your sweet laugh and the sparkle in your eyes, the more he just wants to push you up against the wall and-

Beelzebub

You, Beel, and Belphie were hanging out in the attic

Beel was pretty tired of watching old Devildom comedy sitcoms, and he wanted to know of any "old but gold" human realm comedy sitcoms

You told Beel (and belphie, after waking him up to hang out with the two of you) about Roseanne, and that your favorite character was Roseanne's daughter, Darlene

Beel loves Dan, and Belphie can't help but like Darlene as well

Before the three of you know it, you take the remote and start up the second episode of season two

You and Beel are sure Belphie's dead asleep

Beel is kind of grateful that his little brother is asleep because he gets to spend more time with you

"Hey MC?"

???

"What if you and I wind up like Roseanne's family?"

"What about it? I'd love to have a family with you, Beel, and live long enough to see you turn into a headass like Dan."

Beel almost stopped mid-chew of an entire bag of jellybeans

All he did was look at you and smile, mouth full of jellybeans

"I wouldn't have it any other way, faceass."

Belphegor

Belphie invited you out stargazing

After a while of talking and joking around, it slipped out your mouth

You meant it in a joking way, but you weren't sure if you took it too far as he wasn't laughing with you anymore

"Oh no, I'm so sorry Belphie! I didn't want to call you something cliché like "babe, hun, bae, love... But i-i-if you don't want me to call you that it's totally fine!"

Belphie just stares at you as you stutter out an apology

Poor cow boy doesn't know what's going on because he actually fell asleep and didn't want to tell the truth to you

He did hear himself being called a faceass

"Hey, MC no it's fine. You don't need to apologize. I'm with you on that cliché bit. Besides, do you know how many people we can confuse and watch them drift into madness?"

You're so happy you just hug him

"You fell asleep on me"

"MC, n-"

"You're such a faceass, but I love you."

[dreamsclock]

imortal dream is such a funny concept to me, like i can only see him using slang FROM SUCH A LONG TIME AGO, like imagine him being pissed then starting to speak a forgotten language, adn immortal people are like "what the fuck"

LMAOOO this is such a funny idea 😭 don’t mind me filling this !! lotta c!schlatt content today because i enjoy writing him, so here you go :)

warnings: none i don’t think !! swearing lol

“What the fuck did you just call me?” Schlatt demands one day, looking taken aback — a rare occurrence for Schlatt, really, and if Dream had been less annoyed, he would have classed it as a small win.

As it is, he’s pissed, and currently trying to regain his temper. Hence what he’d called Schlatt. He knows he’s lucky Schlatt will have no idea what he’d meant (sometimes being incredibly old and immortal pays off), but he gathers the President can still tell it’s an insult.

So, muttering it once more under his breath, still peeved, Dream regains his temper, taking a short, uneven breath in through his teeth and trying to calm. “Sorry,” he says, blatantly lying, “it’s— um, a made up word. Someone I know used to use it.”

Technically, he supposes it’s not entirely untrue. Dream had introduced the word to Karl (who, in the current time, doesn’t time travel, he hates time, this whole thing is dumb) so in a way, Karl had used to use it. But Schlatt is still staring at him like he’s personally insulted his mom, and— oh Prime, Dream is getting a sinking feeling in his stomach. Schlatt can’t know, there’s no way—

“You said I had the backbone of a jellyfish and the bravery of a mouse? The personality of a goldfish?” Schlatt steps forwards, outrage written into his face at Dream’s panicked stammering. “What, you think I can’t understand you? You fuckin’ young immortals are so cocky—”

“You’re an immortal?!”

Schlatt rolls his eyes. “Put the fuckin’ pieces together, Einstein. Get the hell out of my office with language like that. Jesus fucking Christ, no respect around here these days.”

Dream flees. Literally. He runs for the door, slamming it shut behind him, and promptly bumping into a very confused Quackity, who he blurts something out at — something about Schlatt being in a bad mood, not to disturb him — before running back to his base. When Sapnap asks what’s wrong, Dream makes up an excuse about being tired and Schlatt and heads to bed early, mind whirling.

Yeah. No. He’s not going to think about Schlatt being an immortal as well. No way in hell.

But he’s careful about who he uses the old languages around in the future: if Schlatt’s an immortal, who else could be?

It’s not worth risking. The next time he insults someone, he’ll do it behind their back in English. The idea of someone hearing him cursing in fluent Latin and understanding what he’s saying is too horrifying to bear.