#on being nostalgic for something that's never left; never died

[leam1983]

Types

I used to think that being poly meant an end to most fantasies. I thought it would mean those three or four OCs I spent using strictly as a medium to yank on my crank would be pushed in some musty corner of my subconscious, but a check-in with Walter was all I'd need to realize that fantasies are like cockroaches. You can't kill them, but they also have a role to play in your relationship's ecosystem.

We just settled into bed and I mention this to Walt, who seems nonplussed. "George Grimm isn't real and he couldn't be real, hon. Am I supposed to be jealous of a made-up guy you've pulled up AI art renders of? He's never actually touched you, never actually kissed you - and you know what I noticed?"

Walt smirks. "You're feeling guilty about it. That means you probably went at it last week, during one of the two evenings I spent at the office, and now you've got irrational guilt pangs about having cheated on me with a JPEG of a guy that could be me if I got everything tailored on Saville Row and had absolutely zero backdoor shyness in regards to your kinks."

His smirk turns into a chiding gesture. "You're being silly, you silly goose. We've sploshed - you know we're open concerning our kinks. Come on, tell me about him. Tell me about George Graham Grimm the Food Vampire."

I figure I'll do it like this, instead.

George was a solid coping mechanism in my late teens, someone who's cropped up in my dreams during a phase of my life that saw me define myself as unloveable by default. I don't remember the specifics of that particular dream, but I do remember the broad strokes.

I dreamt I was dragged to some sort of symposium by my Ph. D. of an aunt and was forced to spend four hours dipping my lips in cheap champagne while pretending like I didn't have a piteous inferiority complex. Dreams go as they're wont to do, elastic and fluid in their arrangement of Time, and I find a secluded dining room on the floor being used by the reception. Its décor is ornate, and its four massive tables are arranged in a square. In the middle of one of the sides is seated a mountain of a man, about four hundred pounds and change, and he's dressed in custom-tailored clothing that's probably cost a fortune. As obese as he is, he's the most smartly-dressed of the assembly, with a bowtie and vest combo that's so perfect you'd swear he was born with them. His thick fingers are impossibly agile, swiping things from the piles and piles of food waiting on the table and wolfing them down with a mixture of sheer abandon and meticulous precision - extended pinky finger included. He somehow never stains himself and his thick and flowing beard remains immaculate no matter how fast he goes. His utensils are barely touched, and he instead keeps going back to sucking on his fingers. He's a very vocal eater, groaning in appreciation or drowning a satisfied chuckle in an umpteenth bite. He does it all with his eyes closed and a light frown, almost as though he's got a mental map of the table's furnishings he keeps perfectly up-to-date.

Considering the amount of food that's involved, my first thought is that this is actually a buffet and this dude here's just decided he'd click on that I Will Attend link for the RSVP for the exact purpose of stuffing his face with free food. I don't remember the exact dialog in the dream, so I'll sub what was probably said with what actually makes sense in-context. Guy sounds like Tony Jay and Sydney Greenstreet made love and had a posh, congested and vaguely eerie descendant - and he stops between two bites, eyes opening to reveal two gray slivers behind his bifocals and his thick and well-groomed snowy-white eyebrows.

"Pardon the intrusion, but I don't recall the help replacing the buffet sign on this table..."

Just that is enough to prime my hind brain. This man's voice is the stuff my insecure adolescent self's dreams are made of. The snootiest Received English Pronounciation imaginable, rendered in a low and rough timbre by a guy who looks more fit to mumble than ti articulate - except everything is crisp. My flustered teenage brain thinks he's being contemptuous so I nervously blurt out a response - and he laughs.

I woke up, the first time my subconscious made George Grimm laugh. Again, it's Tony Jay and Greenstreet melded together, as if normal people had Plosive Laughing Prefixes without veering into outright guffaws, or as if your classic swell of Evil Laughter could've actually sounded congenial.

"Never you mind, dear boy - I was merely... indulging."

Over time, I'd realize George refuses to call eating what it is. He seeks repaste or regales his tastebuds, or maybe he prays to the God of Luxury, which I've always taken as being my subconscious regurgitating my brief obsession with Roman mythology. Grimm does fit the bill for some sort of modernized and expanded take on Dionysius and he did first come into being during my High School History classes on the Roman civilization.

"Go on, fix yourself a plate," he then says. "I'll hardly miss these bites you'll take."

I realize that he's serious, at that moment. He was rearing to polish off all four of these tables on his own. Something makes me want to keep my distance and to settle with clearing off a bit of table surface for my plate - and what I put in it never quite gels into something. It's like AI Art's idea of a plate of food, with chunks of unidentified meat, mounds of recursive and self-cannibalizing stringy pasta, black masses that might be meatballs or olives, it's hard to tell - and Dream Logic being what it is, I'm not fazed by this at all. My plate seems endless, but I work through it at a pace that I assume matches with my usual pace for a normal-sized meal. In the meantime, the big man's gaining speed at an impossible rate. He's slurping, gnashing, worrying, moaning and grunting his way towards my location, and I get the sense that he'll just keep getting faster if I try and slip away. So, half-convinced this just flipped into Nightmare Country, I feel the dream turn lucid as the overly-dressed organic Shop-Vac I'm seated with works his way through enough food for twelve people in a few seconds. He stops right next to me, daintily raised a tiny piece of cheese to his mouth and politely covers his mouth. If he's burped, no sound's been made.

He turns to face me and outstretches a hand that certainly has the mitt-like qualities of the appendages of particularly fatter people, but with an almost feline level of grace.

"George Graham Grimm - monster, scholar, gentleman, professor amongst others - at your service."

I take his hand. There's an instant of tension, the sense that Grimm's hunger's just shifted - and he's warm, warm like I've never felt anyone's hands being, before.

What I remember is that this was enough for my dream self to practically climb over his immense paunch and perch myself on it. His amusement and surprise immediately turns to relish, and George's kisses would be my measurement for Decent Snoggings for years, up until I met Prof - and eventually Walt. The specifics leave me, but I do know I dump everything on this posh quasi-ogre. Time dilation being what it is, George ends up being the perfect listener, as you'd assume, and he knows his voice is basically single-malt whiskey down my ears - again with weird plosive inclusions that make it so he hungrily moans or grunts at the beginning of every other sentence.

Obviously, my subconscious and my loins don't care about logical progression - we're Together, and that's it. George would crop up every now and again, typically when arousal was mixed with loneliness, and he'd call me his "dear boy" by repeating the word dear a good ten times or so.

Unsurprisingly, Younger Grem had Sugar Daddy fantasies and dreamed of a man large enough to be heavier than a loaded semi who'd take him out to walks and daintily request stops for "snacks" that would involve lifting hot dog carts à la Obelix the Gaul and tipping them into his open gullet. I understand that I spoke, in those dreams, but I don't remember anything I ever said. Even George's actual words faded, but I was left with a sense of either glowing praise or the sort of public expression of physical attraction that would normally make people ill-at-ease. Dude was horny on main the same way I was, adolescence oblige, and bowties-plus-silk-scarves affairs turned into spy thrillers as we both tried to find a sufficiently quiet and secluded space that would let us screw each other wild instead of catering to a gaggle of strangers in galas and receptions neither of us knew what to do with.

Then came Prof, and now Walt and Sarah. I started to feel guilty about an overdressed fatty that would've never left the confines of my mind - especially in regards to Walt.

The coincidence didn't escaspe me, back then. George Graham Grimm. Walter C. George. Walter's actually Grimm with the brakes on, the much more realistic idea of what it means to have a plus-sized boyfriend. The closeness isn't always welcomed on my end of things, seeing as I want to enjoy the Actual Man's emotional and intellectual availability, but my hind brain wants the Fake Man's relentless libido or his appetite. It's not that much of a problem, but it makes those occasional times that see me superimpose red paisley-patterned silk over Walter's gray gabardine feel like a dereliction I'm the only one to perceive.

I guess I needed George Grimm, back in the day. I needed a belly platform so big I could sleep over his chest without my feet touching the mattress, or the eventual internal running commentary on the various happenings in my life. I needed a guy with so much self-confidence and zest for life that he could turn morbid obesity around on a dime and make it look sexy. I do channel him on occasion, when I have to be snippier or more authoritative than I usually am. I probably needed the embryonic forms of the Loudest Fake Lover in Existence to make some inroads about my sexuality. I probably needed the imagined bedroom theatrics, Grimm gnashing his perfect teeth at me over climax, heatedly declaring that "our exquisite flesh" would "endure for aeons".

I think everyone needs or wants a concept of a certain "Forever Love", past a certain age, and it's probably natural to start out with an idea, a dream, a fantasy that's gone a little haywire in my case, that still sometimes looms over me while I'm working on our server stack, smelling of expensive cologne and of the cooked juices of something that's been expensively prepared. I don't need running commentary from Walt; he's always right around the corner!

George Graham Grimm, however - monster, scholar, gentleman, professor amongst others - hasn't really left my side for a good twenty-three years.

[moonwoodhollow]

HOHENZOLLERN ALLEE 72-76

a German-inspired 1950s apartment build + a furnished flat

A build download that was in the works for almost a month and made me realise how much I love building local architecture even though it's not the easiest within the constraints of TS4.

It's meant to represent a realistic German apartment build, that is a bit run down and yet still feels homey and nostalgic to those of us growing up near or in these buildings. There's one furnished flat that is ideal for 2-3 sims and furnished in a retro 60s-90s look, that I hope you'll enjoy! This is also a BIG 1K followers gift, with which I want to show my deepest appreciation to all my followers, thank you so much!!

More info, screenshots + DL link behind the cut!

First a little history/backstory to this build:

This build is something you'd see very often in Middle to Northern Europe, less so in the UK, because brick builds there look similar but also different and I based my build off of Northern German brick builds.

The red brick used for these builds dominates the townscapes in quite a few cities where I live and has been used for a few centuries (see Brick Gothic). This build that I based on a real building, however, is more modern and was probably built after WW2, as the design choices, like using tiles on the facades of brick builds is something distinctively 1950s. I know there are older examples, but these buildings usually have more design and decor elements on the facades. These red brick builds were built en masse starting with the 1920s and were usually meant for low-income households. The same goes for the 1950s brick builds, which were built on top of ruins of older buildings destroyed in the war and oftentimes were cheaply constructed and usually don't receive the same appreciation that older pre-war brick builds get, so quite a few are already being demolished for more modern builds.

So what do you get with this build?

Hohenzollernallee 72-76 is a 40x30 lot that I placed in Evergreen Harbor on the Sprucewood Square lot. I created 2 versions of the building, one as a normal residential lot and another as a residential rental. Just choose whatever you want! There are 6 different flats, that have been renovated at different times, which is apparent from the condition of their kitchen and bathroom.. Each flat has its own basement room and the garden is shared between all tenants and there's a shared laundry room in the basement as well.

You'll also have a restaurant shell, the Burger Lab that is not functional currently, but you could make it so if you want.

The furnished flat is playtested and ideal for 2-4 sims max and is heavily 'lived in', meaning very cluttered. I personally see an older woman living there, whose husband already died and her daughter left as soon she turned 18, but the interior was never changed or renovated. I don't know, you could probably come up with a lot of story ideas!

CC is mostly included. You'll find an Excel file with the specific file names and the dl link for all CC that is not included. The build will probably still look okay-ish without the excluded CC but I strongly recommend downloading it, if you do not already have it.

Thank you, especially to these lovely creators: @budgie2budgie, @sforzinda, @surely-sims, @pluto-sims, @syboubou.

@myshunosun, @charlypancakes, @peacemaker-ic, @kkbsmm, @leaf-motif

@awingedllama, @kirsicca, @baufive, @lumenniveus, @kiwisim4 and many more!! it's because of you that this build looks the way it does <3

Uses items from the following packs: For Rent, Growing Together, High School Years, Cottage Living, Snowy Escape, Eco Lifestyle, Discover University, Island Living, Get Famous, Seasons, Cats and Dogs, City Living, Get Together, Get To Work, Werewolves, My Wedding Stories, Dreamhome Decorator, Strangerville, Vampires, Dine Out, Tiny Living, Laundry Day, Backyard Stuff, (Kits): Party Essentials, Basement Treasures, Greenhouse Haven, Bathroom Clutter, Everyday Clutter, Desert Luxe, Little Campers, Décor to the Max, Industriel Loft & Courtyard Oasis

Download: Google Drive | also up on the gallery: aeromantica (but you'll need the cc files from the Drive folder!)

-> Info: I tried to not include merged files, but there are about 3-5 that I missed, sorry :(

TOU: please don’t claim as your own or put behind paywalls etc. If you find any issues (wrong files, etc.) please let me know + tag me if you’ll use the house, I’d love to see it in your games.

[harmoonix]

☁️Nostalgic Day Astrology Observations☁️

~ When the heaven cries an angel dies ~

✪ Pisces Placements/Moon are very sensitive souls, they can go through a lot of moods and they think that nobody understands them, these natives are the cutest when they are in a good mood

✪ Having a Leo moon/Moon in the 5th house makes you to be very outgoing and shinning out of your crowd, you really take life as a party and you have to live it at the fullest

✪ Air Moons [Aquarius, Gemini, Libra] have a really good connection to music and arts, they are feeling the music and breathing the music is something very hard to describe words but their feelings go insane when they listen music

✪ Your Venus return can be the most luckiest period of having luck in finding a partner, The Venus return is when Venus comes back into the sign you have it under your chart, for example you have Taurus Venus and when Venus comes back into Taurus's constellation there might be a lucky period of finding love

✪ Venus aspecting Pluto or Saturn are devastated when they go through a breakup, these people can fall into depression or a deep mental state when they broke up but their rebith transformation is gonna be the biggest, when they heal there are no more tears to be left.

✪ The moon in your chart can repsent a drop from your past life, natives with the Moon in Scorpio or 8th house could have suffered the death loss of someone they really loved/it could be the mother or their partner

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ Baby, I don't want no one, no one else

So hurry, 'cause I need some, need some, need some help

And I've been waitin' patient, patiently

'Cause I don't have you here with, here with, here with me

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

✪ Lilith - Moon aspects are classified as being the strongest aspects to find in a chart, because it can influence a lot of things both negatively and positively ways, it was a great power if you learn about them

✪ Venus is in detriment in Scorpio, so the planet of love doesn't get along very much with this sign and it can manifest though finding toxic partners or painful relationships, the lessons is to first love yourself then to love others [Vedic and Sidereal charts come in please because this applies to you very much]

✪ Mercury and Saturn aspects can have the fear to talk and can be very shy when you met them, they can be anxious about they talk thinking they have a bad voice but is not true at all, your voice is absolutely stunning no matter what other people say

✪ Mars - Moon in harsh aspects can be pretty scary while being mad, their feelings and reactions are literally changing from hot to cold and back, they are very impulsive while being mad and can end up to scream and cry in the same time [minor Aspects applied the energy can still be felt 💁🏻‍♀️]

✪ Uranus quintile Venus can feel excited when they start to be in a relationship, is this little spark in their souls is feeling excited when they are in love and can often experience butterflies

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

But at least I have the memory

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

✪ Venus - Moon aspects like to listen to music and make it a part of the lives, these natives enjoy the music based on how they feel at that moment and it can be a state of soul for them but also very eliberating, music heals their soul

✪ Neptune - Mercury/Venus aspects have a really encroaching voice, like a fresh breeze of air their voices are feeling so smooth and soft is literally so angelic

✪Venus in Earth Signs and Water Signs is literally the vibe of "I give you all my heart" and is so cute is literally so romantic and passionate, it also gives Venus in the 11th house vibes they love with their souls omg

✪ Never hurt a Venusian/Cancerian Moon please [Taurus, Libra, Cancer] they like to make memories and moments with the people they love and once you hurt someone like this they will delete all the memories with you and become harsh

✪ Juno Asteroid [3] with Pisces influence (Pisces Degrees 12°, 24° or Juno in Pisces/12th house) can have a spouse who can seek for emotional and physical touch (Everything related to Pisces is so romantic)

✪ Juno asteroid [3] with Scorpio Influence (Scorpio Degrees 8°, 20° or Juno in Scorpio/8th house) can have a very possesive spouse, someone very protective aswell but also jealous with probably jealousy issues

✪ Juno Asteroid [3] with Virgo influence (Virgo Degrees 6°, 18° or Juno in Virgo/Juno in the 6th house) can have a very admirable spouse, their spouse can be hardworking and that can give then succes, also someone with a golden heart and very gentle

✪ Juno with Libra Influence [At Libra Degrees 7°, 19° or Juno in Libra/7th house) are the people who search for a harmonious relationship and seek balance for them, they want someone who can accept them and someone very romantic/passionate

✪ Juno - Mars aspects can have a lot of passion and romantism in their relationship while also posesivness and conflicts/they can get jealous fast and very possesive of their spouse of vice versa

✪ Venus/Mercury rulling over the 8th house can make the native to be very sensual in voice either it's body, they really know how to touch someone's heart with their words and that can make other people to simp for them,Venus and Mercury signs in the 8th house are, Libra, Taurus and Gemini with Virgo.

✪ Venus in Fire signs [Aries, Sagittarius, Leo] fall to fast in love, for real they are like seeing someone and the next minute can end up crushing over that person but if they are ending up hurt in this process they are healing kinda slow

✪ In my opinion Lilith is the side of us who is sensual showing to people but True Lilith is our inner sensuality who only few can see or show

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

☁️ The weather is so chill today I like it so much in here, it reminded me of some nostalgia and had to make a post about this theme ☁️

💕 Hope everyone reading my notes has a good day full of light and good energy 💕

[stxrr-strxckk]

Something I noticed about I Saw the TV Glow that I haven't seen anybody mention yet

I saw this movie in theaters back in early may when it was released (Twice!), and it's been lingering in my head ever since then. Something I noticed on my second watch through: When Owen (and the audience) first see the Pink Opaque, we see Tara and Isabel in this sort of 90s nostalgia light, and I always thought they looked quite similar to Maddy and Owen. For example: Here is Owen and Isabel next to each other for reference.

While it's not entirely the same (Owen has softer features and is warmer toned, Isabel is more sharp and cool toned), they do look like they'd at least be related, cousins at least?

Same with Maddy and Tara, though not as much. (They looked more similar after Maddy's haircut, but I'm too lazy to change the photo)

But then, at the end when Owen is rewatching Pink Opaque? It's completely different. That nostalgic effect is gone and all of a sudden Tara is nowhere to be seen (Since Maddy left the world they were trapped in), and Isabel is completely different. Instead of being the confident, strong, WOC we see her as originally, she's just the same boring white protagonist of every little girl's show we grew up on.

And of course Owen is panicking, realizing that he lost his chance: He buried Isabel; she's dead underground, without her heart and instead of being who he truly is where he truly belongs, he's just... Owen. Stuck in suburbia, living the hell of being a queer kid growing up in the suburbs. Except now, he's an adult living a lie, knowing what he could have had is gone and he's stuck.

And another thing: I think the choice of the fun zone being where Owen works is deliberate. Sure, they could have kept him at the theater, but the theater shutting down is not only accurate (sad but true- please support your local movie theaters!) but shows how everyone is moving on from that experience of going to see a movie in person- choosing streaming instead.

And we also notice this change in the Pink Opaque when Owen is watching it streaming. This is a reflection of how media felt more special growing up when it was in a physical form. Cds, vinyl, Dvds, casettes, film reels, even game cartridges, we've always had some physical object that bonds us to the worlds of creativity in which artists express themselves. And whether you've noticed or not, it's a special sort of feeling that just... Dies with streaming. Its like you own a piece of the media. Like saying: "This is mine, it's my personal piece of media that belongs to me and only me." and that's always made it feel special. Sure, there may be multiple copies, but this one belongs just to you. Not to mention the ritual of actually putting in cds, dvds, casettes into a player, or playing vinyl on a record player. There's this action you have to take to consume this media that's familiar and sort of gets you to anticipate what you're about to watch (much like Owen and Maddy's ritual of Maddy taping the show then leaving them around school for Owen to find) whereas now, you're just on a streaming service that lots of people own, and you're just mindlessly scrolling through hundreds of options.

Another thing: What do we see when Owen cuts his chest open in the final few minutes? TV static. Like when a tape finishes and you don't take it out of the player. Now with streaming, you don't get that static. His connection with the Pink Opaque stems from his friendship with Maddy, the nostalgia of his favorite childhood show, and of course: his own queerness.

It's no secret this movie is about growing up queer and feeling like something is wrong. Like some part of you missing, the part that makes you normal. I've seen many reviews on IMDB that clearly missed the point, so I really want to spell it out here: THIS IS A MOVIE ABOUT QUEER PEOPLE FOR QUEER PEOPLE. And I've never seen a movie so perfectly encapsulate that feeling more than this one.

From my experience as a queer POC growing up with little to no representation I know this feeling all too well of seeing someone and realizing: "Wow, that's me." And projecting who I wanted to be onto that person. Then, later revisiting that media to realize that a: you've become them, your true self, or b, in Owen's case: that you've buried that person alive and barely recognize yourself.

It's really such a unique experience that I've never been able to put into words before. These scenes gave me such a visceral feeling and I almost cried in the theater. The scene of Owen in Isabel's dress is just the cherry on top. I myself am lucky enough to not need to transition and growing up I didn't feel as much dysphoria as my other trans friends, but this reminds me of a good friend of mine who used to dress in heels, makeup, skirts, and dresses to try and lessen the dysphoria she felt growing up in the wrong body.

I also love how the movie shows being queer in school.

Like how Maddy asks Owen if he likes girls or boys, and he replies with: "I think I like TV shows."

Avoiding the question because you either don't know the answer, or are so afraid you're gonna get bullied even more for being who you are.

Growing up, there weren't many queer kids in my school. So when we found each other, we stuck together. But for most of school, we were alone. No groups, not many friends, no space at the lunch table for us.

And seeing Owen, I just felt this connection to him almost immediately. Alone, not part of any group, until he finally finds Maddy. They don't have anything in common except the show, which is really the only reason they're friends, but it keeps them together, They're bonded.

For me, I see this as finding another queer kid in a mostly straight school. You may not have much in common, but that identity means you two will stick together, no matter what.

TLDR: I love isttvg, it makes me cry, everyone in gay and fuck imdb.

[sqtorux]

Hii!!!! If ur not taking requests rn feel free to ignore this but could you write something for gojo (preferably hcs) about him with a fem reader who has powers like the scarlet witch from the mcu? And is maybe even a little stronger than him? Idk if you’re familiar with marvel but you can just search up the scarlet witch scenes on youtube and you should see videos just displaying her powers 😭 thank you !!!!!

── the strongest duo .

okay first i think gojo would have known you ever since the both of you were children because how can he not? you were the strongest, along with him. although there were speculations that you would grow to be even more stronger than him and he does not like that at all.

maybe because of that fact, he never really liked you. he was intimidated too but he would never admit that part.

so imagine how happy he was when he found out you were going to the kyoto branch instead of the tokyo one where he's going. he'll finally be free of other people trying to lump the both of you just because you both happened to possess powers far greater than others.

well that didn't last for long with the sister school games coming up. it wasn't surprising either when you were face to face with him out of all people.

but by then, gojo had grown a little. somewhere along the way he got tired of trying to be a weapon of threat, at the beck and call of the corrupted and selfish higher ups who don't know better despite their "experiences" in life.

so this time gojo decides to indulge you and take the time to really know you, instead of looking at you through a vision where he only saw you for your technique. he hadn't realised it but all he knew about you, were the things you were capable of and not actually you.

he was a victim to the very thing he hated so much. so this time, he listens.

you were a bit skeptical about his changed behaviour at first and it took a while to convince you that he really wanted to listen to you and maybe, get to know you more.

gojo realises you were similar to him in more ways than one. from that day, the animosity faded and slowly turned into friendship. no one was on par with both the strongest.

until that one fateful night where gojo came all the way to kyoto, all bloodied and gaze wary. you'd had heard of his fight with toji and that he almost almost died.

you'd never forget the way his voice quivered that night while you held him in your arms.

"maybe if you had been there, everything would have been different. you're stronger than me, maybe you could've saved riko."

you'd never seen gojo this defeated. maybe because he knows that you share the burden of being the strongest along with him, he knows you would understand him out of everyone else.

and you do, thats why even when his best friend left him, he finds comfort in your arms and the soft words from your mouth.

"you can warp people's reality right?" gojo looks up from your arms and you don't like the sentence that would come next.

"can you warp mine? just for a while. only just a little while" his bright blue eyes now shadowed behind his tears, how could you say no?

you wave your hands and slowly gojo sees his best friend and the girl he couldn't save. they were laughing and playing around, life was good. but you weren't there with them.

when you withdraw your technique, gojo realises that despite all the people he lost, he still had you and for him, that was enough. perhaps his reality isn't all that bad.

he hopes you won't leave like the rest of them. this time, he hopes you really become stronger than him just so he wouldn't feel the pain of losing you, even if that made him selfish.

its the way i had to look at wanda scenes and ask my marvel fan friends for this ahahha i haven't kept up with the mcu ever since endgame this brought back lots of nostalgic memories :')

[runabout-river]

Thoughts on JJK chapter 264 (spoilers)

You know sometimes you just want to strangle Gege for hype endings of the last chapter that are going to be nullified in the next. It gets frustrating so close to a (possible) end of the fight but this time you can excuse it somewhat because the explanation and character feats make sense 😬

Angel's current JL even though it is maximum output is weaker than before because with one arm less her CE can't be channeled 100% from her body to her cursed tool. In other words, Sukuna can brace himself against it scale up to kill Angel

Remarkably, Sukuna calls Angel by her name and we haven't even seen what she looked like. Heian flashback??

Just like against Mahito, Todo simply gets back up after his CT dies. What a champ. Sukuna gets a BF though that isn't immediately negated by Yuji's soul punch

Angel and Todo are seemingly out, Yuta is still lying on the ground somewhere until his CT burnout ends but we still have the weaker good guys standing around and Maki is also there

Sukuna is not beating the Cute™ allegations

It's interesting that JL is active for this long and Yuji, who's drenched in Sukuna's CE is also affected by it but that doesn't hinder him at all

Yuji does get a punch in but it doesn't disrupt Sukuna's recovery of his CE output. This could be because Yuji just left Angel's attack which hindered him in using dismantle.

Yuji isn't beating the Cute™ allegations either with the lines and scissors of his technique. I can already hear the sound effect the anime will add to it. Snip snip

So Sukuna gets his arms back and looks like he's about to overpower Yuji once more. But you know what I thought while reading the chapter? That Sukuna had an awful lot of inner thoughts.

Sukuna never get this much thought bubbles and he's confident of his success to boot? Something is going to go sideways for him, definitely.

And look, we get a flashback about the first time we saw a DE with blindfold Gojo. But it's not like Sukuna needs that flashback, he knows more than anyone how they're made. So... why did this particular image appear in his mind?

Because Yuji

I've seen explanations of Yuji's handsign. I'll link or reblog them later.

The biggest problem for Sukuna is now the Sure hit but he knows Hollow Wicker Basket and has all his arms back so the fight should continue as it started but....

It's so nostalgic seeing Itadori Sukuna 😤

This probably answers the question we had when Sukuna took over Megumi's body. How does his soul look like now? Like Megumi? Or still like Yuji?

Yuji it is.

The setup here is also reminiscent of Gojo's airport scene with Sukuna now in Gojo's place

But is this Yuji's domain or is it one of those fake memories like Todo and Choso had??

As a reminder, not only does Yuji induce strange dream sequences into others but so does Sukuna. We've seen it with Jogo and Kashimo. What we haven't seen is if Sukuna is actually aware of them happening. He might very well be like Yuji with no idea that sth happened.

The difference with Yuji's and Sukuna's induced dreams are that with Yuji they're uninvolved sequences that still speak to the receivers' (Todo/Choso) hearts. For Sukuna they're a last talk with the receiver being fully conscious and able to speak their minds however they wish.

This looks like Sukuna will be fully conscious... But Yuji won't?

It's not like Yuji isn't affected by these dreams though. After Todo's he said that he was in strange place during the Hanami fight where he also called Todo his brazaa. Those fake memories probably affected Yuji subconsciously as well.

So, my guess is that this last scene where Sukuna and Yuji are probably going to have some heavy talking happen to them, is a dream. The real fight might actually be happening simultaneously while they... don't really resolve their character conflict that has been build up since the beginning of the manga. But they might build on top of it.

My second guess for the end of the this arc with how this is set up now, is that Sukuna will get backstabbed by Kenjaku. He will most likely involuntarily become part of the merger which will mean that this fight (and the talk) won't have a proper winner. That part will become Megumi's arc then.

[burplewrites]

saudade | tamarack & qiu

𓆉 | fandom: our life: now & forever

𓆉 | characters: tamarack, qiu, reader

𓆉 | word count: 1,075 words 5,946 characters

𓆉 | a/n: this story is sort of in qiu's pov, and about grief and stuff!! i don't think its too sad, just an experience but you have been warned!

𓆉 | quick summary: y/n passed. the world just needs to learn how to deal.

saudade is an emotional state of melancholic or profoundly nostalgic longing for a beloved yet absent something or someone.

“and you two are gonna grow up someday and i’m gonna grow up too, but that’s never gonna stop us from being the same age. cool.” that’s what they said, eight years ago, when they first met y/n and tamarack for the first time after the duo waltzed their way into their life.

ever since that fateful day, the three were friends, best friends. even with the little break of their friendship from ‘personal problems and moody feelings’ as y/n used to say, y/n brought them together again and reminded them why they were friends in the first place.

their friendship only got better from then on, and they committed to bettering themselves and each other, talking about problems, and about random thoughts that entered their minds. at least, that’s what qiu thought. he thought that they all told each other everything, all their stupid secrets, random thoughts in the middle of the night, things that would be considered too much information for other people. so why didn’t y/n tell them, not tamarack or him, anything about what they were going through? why didn’t they say anything at all?

they never expressed pain, or acted like they were suffering at all. they were always smiling, expressing their positive emotions with not a care in the world. qiu loved them for that. they had been crushing on each other for a while, qiu knew that, y/n knew that, and even tamarack, who had to watch the whole thing unfold in front of her, knew that. they just never got together, and now they would never get the chance to.

it was only a year ago when their life changed. when tamarack yelled in the middle of the night, alarming everyone out of their drowsy state, y/n was having trouble breathing, and was trying to get upstairs to their mother's room without disturbing their best friends on the couch. their limbs started giving out, making them fall to the floor. that whole night was a blur for qiu and tamarack alike. watching their best friend’s mom trying to help y/n take some breaths as they all cried, seeing the tiredness in y/n’s eyes, like they’ve been fighting this for years and was finally starting to give up, and opal’s sobs as she begged her only child to keep trying, to keep breathing. tamarack clutched hard onto qiu that day, the shock causing her to freeze up.

hearing their best friend's last words, being so weak, so quiet, yet so genuine. it was like y/n trying to fully get everything out like they knew this would be the end.

"hey its okay, you're okay… you're okay. i love you guys so much, more than you'll ever know."

that's what they whispered, as the paramedics took them away. a smile never left their face, even with the ventilator on their face and the paramedics checking their vitals on the way out the door. they died on the way to the hospital. even to the end, they were caring for others.

opal changed as a person after that. having to bury your only child, someone who you watched grow up, someone who you experienced their good days and bad days, and was just expected to keep moving. but that was impossible, how could she? her world stopped that day but everyone kept moving, the world kept spinning at the same speed it always did, no faster, no slower.

but y/n was gone.

tamarack put her whole being into her cello practice since y/n always seemed to like it when she played for them. she even played a song she wrote at the funeral; a song that was supposed to be for her best friend. one that they were somewhat writing together. she still tried being normal, helping opal with whatever she needed, but never trying to pressure her. it was tamarack's form of escape. if she could be in the house that y/n was in, surrounded by all the things that made them, them… that would be enough. it had to be enough. qiu simply regressed into themself. it was like they were back to when they were fourteen. they stayed outside sitting by their ‘hideout’; hiding away from the world. tamarack tried to stay with him some days, when qiu wanted the company and couldn’t deal with being alone without someone to talk to, someone who understood, but other times it was too overwhelming and they preferred to be alone.

life changed. golden grove moved on, and people found other things to talk about, but sometimes things brought them back to that day one year ago.

especially today, the one-year anniversary of y/n’s death. three hundred and sixty-five days without them. it was early morning, around five am, and qiu biked to the cemetery to just be with them alone. they knew tamarack would be coming in the morning after she woke up, and opal would be coming in the afternoon, so this was the best option. plus they couldn’t sleep.

qiu never knew they could cry that much. every time they came to visit, to talk about something exciting that happened, or something weird, or anything really, they would end up breaking into sobs each time, gasping for air by the time their tears ran out.

‘why did you even have to come into my life if you were going to leave it partway?’

that was a question that they asked themselves multiple times and always felt bad for thinking about it after. they knew tamarack felt the same. tamarack was the first of the two to mention that thought out loud.

but it was true, wasn’t it? they never regretted having y/n in their life. everyone's life shone so much brighter with them there, like the sun on a summer day, but with the sun gone it gets darker. the sun always comes back, but y/n wouldn't. y/n was dead. they were gone, and they were going to stay gone.

no matter how much opal begged, how much they all hoped and dreamt, y/n was not coming back. they were never coming back. they had been gone for the last three hundred sixty-five days, they would be gone for the next year, and the years after that. and nothing could change that.

so as qiu sat there, laying by their grave while talking about everything and anything, all they could really do was hope y/n was there and listening.

[aishangotome]

Alfons Sylvatica: [Blind Love] Chapter 25

Chapter 24 Normal Story

♡———♡

If life were a fairy tale, it would be easy to become happy.

Do not listen to evil temptations.

Do not be deceived by convenient illusions.

Then a calm, ordinary, and commonplace happiness awaits.

But - isn't that boring?

Jude: 'Ey, commoner. Catch.

Kate: Huh? Wow, ... a letter?

With 2 days left until the promised 1 month later, in the morning while eating breakfast, an envelope fluttered in front of me.

The culprit who threw it sat down and opened the newspaper without any explanation.

Ellis: Yours was mixed in with Jude's letters.

Kate: Ah, I see, that's what happened.

Alfons: It's rare for Jude to deliver a mixed-up letter instead of turning it into charcoal.

Jude: Throwin' it in the fireplace or on a plate is the same.

Ellis: Who's the letter from?

Kate: Let's see ... from the postmaster.

What was written there when I opened it was -

Kate: "If you're coming back as planned after finishing your work at the palace, you're welcome back" ... that's what it says.

(Come back, huh ...)

The scent of my former daily life wafted from the envelope and letter paper, and I narrowed my eyes.

Kate: It's kind of nostalgic ... It seems like a long time ago that I was delivering mail.

Liam: Are you going back, Kate? To the post office?

Kate: Huh?

Harrison: ... That's Kate's freedom. It's not for us to say anything about it.

Liam: But, Al, you're curious, right?

Alfons: No, not really.

Alfons slowly turns his gaze towards me.

Alfons: Why don't you do what you think is fun, Kate?

Kate: - Yes, of course.

Kate: I'm going to do what I want to do.

-

Victor: Yes, yes, it's well written.

Victor: As expected of Miss Kate, the contents of the report are concrete, detailed, and perfect.

Kate: Thank you, Victor.

Victor: In the beginning, I can feel your eagerness to understand all the cursed people equally.

Victor: From the middle, it gradually turns into a research essay on the mirror curse.

Kate: ... I'm ashamed to say, there's no room for excuses ...

The report I was gradually writing, just like my mind, clearly showed how it was gradually being eroded by Alfons.

Victor: If you give it to Roger, he'll be delighted.

(... Sorry, I actually already "gave" it to him.)

I've shared excerpts from the middle and later parts of the report with Roger.

(I can't tell Victor that I leaked the report to Roger.)

I want to continue having a good relationship with Roger.

His knowledge and research are essential for what I "want to do."

---Isn't that a bribe? You can't say anything about me.

(No. This is just ... an investment in the future, an investment.)

I answer Alfons, who's stirring things up in my head, insincerely.

Victor: Tomorrow is the deadline for the promise I made with you.

Victor: For this month, as per our contract, you kept the secret and recorded their sins.

Victor: If you get through tonight - you're free.

Victor: Can you tell me? How do you intend to live from now on?

Kate: I -

Kate: As a Fairytale Keeper, I want to continue searching for a way to escape Alfons' fate.

Looking up, Victor gently narrowed his eyes.

I remember the day I first saw their eyes shining in the darkness.

I wanted to escape this place, but now I don't want to leave.

Because I found something important that I can only do here.

Victor: ... Why do want to do so?

Kate: Because I don't want to forget a single trace that he carves on me.

Kate: If he dies before me - at that time, I want to say "I will never forget you."

Kate: And if possible, I want those words to be ... not just a convenient illusion.

Kate: I want them to be reality.

The fate of the cursed is absolute.

But - I can't give up without trying.

(Besides ...)

Kate: I'm going to spend my life proving to Alfons, who surely thinks it's absolutely impossible, wrong!

Victor: ...

Kate: If the tragedy turns around, it will become the best comedy, right?

I know it's mostly a gamble.

A big gamble with my life at stake.

If I lose, despair awaits.

(But, I'll surely turn it into a comedy.)

(I won't let him become a stage device for tragedy.)

Victor: ... Escape from fate, huh. ... Yeah.

Victor: That's a wonderful goal. I feel like you can do it.

Victor: You're free. You can go anywhere and do anything.

Victor: When you feel lost, don't forget that we're on your side.

Kate: ... Yes. Thank you.

Victor: Well then, once again - welcome, Kate.

Victor: Let me welcome you to the world of darkness.

-

--On the way back from getting permission to meet the postmaster and submitting my resignation.

Harrison, who accompanied me, asked as he walked a little behind me.

Harrison: Hey ... are you really okay with this?

Kate: With what?

Harrison: I'll tell you because I know ... but Al is probably out in the night town again.

Kate: ... I know.

Even though we're lovers now, it seems Alfons' "rotten private life" continues.

Harrison: You threw away your everyday life and chose a dark path.

Harrison: Is it okay to forgive him?

Kate: ... I -

At that moment, a carriage stopped next to us.

(Wh-what ...!?)

While I was on guard, the carriage door opened ----,

Harrison: ---!

Kate: Kyaaah!?

I was pulled into the carriage by the arm that reached out.

-

(Who, what!? An enemy of the Crown!? A kidnapper!?)

Alfons: Kate, it's me, me.

Kate: Ah, Alfons!?

Before I could be surprised, the carriage starts rattling away.

Kate: Ah, I need to explain to Harrison...!

Alfons: This carriage has the Crown's exclusive exterior, so Harry will probably figure it out.

(I see...)

Realizing I was the only one panicking, I feel a bit dissatisfied and glance at Alfons next to me.

(Oh, he doesn't have that scent today...)

On the nights he goes out, he always has that cloying, twisted scent of nightlife, a symbol of his decadent lifestyle.

**flashback**

Harrison: You chose a dark path, throwing away your everyday life.

Harrison: Can you really forgive that?

**flashback over**

His words from earlier flash through my mind––

--CHOICES--

In that shady room?

Were you out drinking?

Were you giving illusions somewhere?

---------------

Kate: Were you giving illusions somewhere?

Alfons: Well, yes, something like that.

His nonchalant profile makes me push down the frustration in my throat.

As I'm caught in a swirl of conflicting feelings, wanting to question him more but also afraid to touch the subject,

Alfons: ...Does it not bother you?

A straightforward question comes flying from Alfons.

Kate: Well... it would be a lie to say it doesn't bother me at all.

But I can't bring myself to blame him.

(It's not that I'm afraid of being seen as troublesome.)

(Because, I...)

Kate: ...It's because you do those things that I fell for you.

Kate: Whether you're giving illusions in the slums, providing an escape in the back of a tavern,

Kate: Or something else... I don't know,

Kate: But I know there's a kind of pain there that makes you want to offer an escape.

Alfons: ...

(Even without looking, I can see Alfons' dumbfounded expression.)

But it can't be helped.

Kate: It's fine! Ah... but at least...

Kate: Heartfelt kisses, sincere "I love you"s, those kinds of things... please keep them for me alone.

Alfons: ...

Alfons: Then––is it okay for me to do this kind of thing with other people too?

Kate: ...?

Alphonse's palm smoothly slid around my waist as I sat beside him.

Pulled closer, unable to escape, I surrendered to his touch. His hand crawled up my leg, causing my body to jump in surprise.

Alfons: Don't you hate it when I touch anyone other than you?

The hand that was messing up my skirt went from my back to my chest, playing with my clothes.

As I tried to hold back the voice that was about to leak out, he gently bit my ear.

Kate: Hahh, uhh...

Alfons: Hey, Kate.

Alfons: How far would you let me go?

Kate: Ah, ah...

His fingertip nearly entered my underwear, and I couldn't take it anymore, so I raised a white flag.

Kate: ...N-no...

Kate: Of course I don't want that...

Alfons: Hehe, you've finally become honest.

Even though I tried to be an understanding girlfriend, he pulled out my true feelings and made me tear up.

He looked at me like that and gave a troubled smile.

Alfons: I'm afraid I can't stop going out at night. It's my hobby, my pleasure, and my life's work.

Kate: I... I know...

Alfons: Going out drinking, showing illusions... but

Alfons: I want to try to love you properly, so

Alfons: I won't do that with anyone other than you... no kissing, no caressing, no sex.

(I want to believe it but......)

Kate: ... ... It's definitely a lie... ...

Kate: So that I won't suffer again, so that I won't be sad again, that's how you––

Alfons: Ah ha! So that you won't suffer? No way! I don't have that intention at all.

Alfons: ––You're happy, right?

Alfons: I'm yours alone. I only do pleasant things with you.

Kate: ……?

Whether it's "true" or "not true."

Like a coin that keeps spinning, the result is unknown.

Alfons: Even with these words that are unclear whether they are lies or truth, they are engraved in the depths of your heart.

Alfons: You'll surely remember them every time I go out at night.

As if under a spell, Alfons' words are engraved in my head.

Alfons: You might tail me again to see if it's true, right?

Alfons: If you find out it's true, it will be engraved even deeper.

Alfons: That way, you can keep thinking about me forever and ever.

His words enter me.

It's surely another wicked spell that will take root and cause mischief.

Alfons: I don't make love to you properly to make you feel at ease.

Alfons: It's to dig my claws deep into your heart and leave a scar that won't disappear.

Kate: ... ... Uuu... ...

Unable to endure it any longer, tears finally spilled out.

Alfons wiped away the tears with a smile, as if comforting a child.

Alfons: Ah ha, are you scared?

Kate: No...!

Kate: These are... ... tears of joy.

Alfons, who tried to disappear without leaving a trace, is trying to leave deep claw marks.

Because that is the undeniable proof of his love.

Kate: I'm crying... ... because I'm happy.

Alfons: ... ... Then cry more.

His wicked hands touch me, not to test my true feelings this time, but to love me.

Kate: ... ... In a carriage like this... ...

Alfons: You said that before, too.

Alfons: That time, I didn't finish it...

Alfons: ––Today, please make me feel good too.

A sweet and dangerous temptation is poured into my ear.

Even without being shown an illusion, I already...

––I can't resist this voice.

-

We made love in the cramped carriage, unable to even muffle our voices, and drifted off to sleep—

Kate: Hmm...

Alfons: ...Ah, you're finally awake?

As I woke up, Alfons' voice gently fell upon my eyelids.

Alfons: How was it? Was my thigh comfortable to sleep on?

Kate: ...It was...very nice...

Alfons: That's good to hear.

He chuckled and his fingertips gently stroked my hair.

As I slowly sat up, I noticed my blouse was crumpled and falling off.

I hurriedly picked it up to cover myself, but Alfons laughed again, saying, "There's no need to hide now."

Outside, the sky was tinged with pale pink, and the carriage seemed to be parked in front of the Crown Castle entrance.

There was no sign of the coachman.

Alfons, with his back to the window, was faintly outlined by the light, as if the morning sun was blessing him or the darkness was reluctant to let him go.

He was so beautiful that I held my breath and stared, and our eyes gently met.

Alfons: Hey, Kate.

Alfons: I secretly heard what you "want to do"...

(Huh...?)

"I want to keep searching for a way to escape Alfons' fate."

I wonder what he thought of me telling Victor that.

Alfons: Honestly, I thought it was foolish.

Alfons: It's called "fate" because it can't be escaped.

Alfons sighed softly and then smiled serenely.

Alfons: But—I quite like that overly serious side of you.

Kate: ...Don't say "quite," say you like it "a lot."

Alfons: ...

(What...?)

He fell unusually silent at my retort, then gently took my hand.

(Alfons...?)

His gesture was unusually respectful, so I was surprised and lost for words.

Alfons: ...I'm not good with straightforward words of love.

Alfons: I've said "I love you" and "I like you" too many times without meaning it.

Alfons: The moment I say it, it feels like a lie.

Alfons: So—please forgive me with this.

His lips gently touched the back of my hand, like a sacred vow.

Alfons, with his eyes downcast, had a very sincere expression.

If there was such a thing as a true love's kiss in this world, I think this kiss would be it.

Alfons: I will make you supremely happy...and someday, I will make you despair.

There's no guarantee that fate can be changed.

So, for him, this is a love that will lead me to tragedy.

But—.

Kate: ...I will be made supremely happy.

Kate: But I won't despair.

Alfons: ...Honestly.

Alfons: As long as you're laughing in the end, I feel like any tragedy can turn into a comedy.

Kate: Heh, leave it to me.

You can make fun of me all you want.

So, Alfons, please keep smiling happily.

Kate: I'll turn your life, my life, everything into a comedy.

Alfons: Yes, yes.

Alfons: Let's have as much fun as we can, shall we?

-

Mirror, mirror, don't show me convenient dreams.

Even if reality is full of sadness...

Tell me your truth.

Carve it into my heart, my body.

Because I will never let this love become an illusion.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Blind Love: Epilogue

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[quitealotofsodapop]

Honestly if it were up to Macaque he'd adopt Bai Zhe right then and there. Dame with Wukong. The problem is, Macaque is technically legally dead. Or at least, he legally doesn't exist at all since he died in the Tang dynasty so there wouldn't be records for him at all. Wukong is not much better because while he does have a lawyer for things like copyright and such... he still spent 500+ years in near isolation and doesn't technically exist in the legal system either outside if being represented by a lawyer of some sort. Not ideal for adopting a child, especially since adoption would include things like home visits, employment, a shit ton of paperwork. Luckily PIF cab get him in contact with Fire Star and Gold Star owes him for the whole... Mountain thing. Between those two he's able to at least legally adopt her in the eyes of the gods, but the eyes of mortals are a little different. It ends up being this weird situation where Bai He is being fostered by Pigsy and Tang while Wukong goes through the legal BS that is trying to get custody of a human girl when he is effectively a myth as far as mortals are concerned.

Then there's the matter of Bai He's possession. Possession of a demon is, sadly, not as uncommon in the LMK universe as you'd think it is, and it has lingering effects beyond just the trauma if done for an extended amount of time. The LBD had, effectively, turned Bai He half ice demon by possessing her for nearly a year. This means someone is going to need to tea h this little girl how to control her previously nonexistent magic.

Wukong's and Macaque's earth-legal situation is like that one joke in SU:

Especially seeing how Bai He has been declared Missing for the last few months - I'm not sure if the Metropolis CPS has a protocol for dealing with possession victims. Just walking up to anywhere and saying "Yeah, she's my kid now." wouldn't fly in the mortal realm.

I feel like Pigsy and Tang wouldn't mind fostering Bai He while the monkey duo sort out all the legal nonsense. It kinda makes the two nostalgic for when MK was smaller. I feel like they already got used to the kid showing up almost every day to eat noodles (a new comfort food for her since it was the first thing she ate after LBD left her body) and pet Mo.

I also love ideas where Bai He's possesion leave her with demonic abilities - mainly ice powers and maybe some bony markings on her body. Beyond the usual hurdles of adapting to become something other than human, Bai He takes it in her stride.

Bai He, making her eyes glow blue with power: "You're gonna have a Bad Time." Macaque (is training her): "...Is that a pre-battle call you've been working on?" Bai He, now embarassed: "No... its from Undertale." Macaque (knows she means a video games): "Oh. What does the character do after saying that?" Bai He, excitedly: "He grabs your soul and destroys you with magic bones and giant skull lazers for hurting his family!" Macaque: "Wicked."

Despite being opposite elements, I could see Redson and Nezha helping Bai He out with her new powers. They remember having an element they can't control. Plus the little girl is like a sister they never had.

[neverchecking]

Ok I just read your sage AND I FUCKIN LOVE IT!

Can I have a yandere sage x reader smut

Where's The reader is his childhood friend and fell with him and died with him with everything. But the reader loves link but she a half Dragon. And link finding out why the reader gose into hiding every other month

It mating seasons for her and he takes full advantage of it making her his.

Also can I be 🐲 aron

Yes you can! Welcome aboard 🐲 anon!

Half dragon reader? Now that is a meal. I used to have a super popular dragon Au on my very first blog (that we shall never ever talk about) and I'm more than happy to bring the dragons back.

Especially dragon reader!

And with Sage?

Sage is TotK Link btw!

BARKING-

Smut so 18+, MDNI!

TotK spoilers below!

Smut CW: Breeding Kink, Dragon! Reader, Mating season, Sage. He's just a warning himself at this point. slight choking!

'Tis the Season

His memory was not as bad as he once portrayed it as.

While yes, it was once bad, it had gotten less...splotchy in the years past. He was recalling things he could not previously with less of a trigger needed.

One memory did need a trigger though. It happened during his last flash back to the time of the Zonai, when he figured out what happened with Zelda. It threw him from one bad black out right into the next. Only...This wasn't that bad. No, it was nice.

The familiar smell of blossoms spread around him, not soft like the Silent Princess but sharper-- like a cherry blossom. It was nostalgic and comforting in ways that no other memory had been. He didn't want to leave this one.

The heavy pounding of wings, leather and solid like a Gleeok's, didn't bring him any fear. No, instead it brought the evocative feeling of home. Something that he was used to being wrapped around him, shielding him from the icy feeling of Zelda's steely gaze.

Looking around, he felt his lips turn into a grin against his wishes at the sight of a figure in the sky. They had wings, wide and translucent, spread against the sky, casting the sun around them in a halo of pure light. A tail fell behind much thinner legs, the flares at the end flickering every now and then as the being hovered. In a fell swoop, the being allowed themselves to fall before catching the wind and soaring just before colliding into the dirt. They approached too quickly for him to turn and run, but instead of drawing his weapons, his muscles stayed frustratingly lax, letting the creature grow closer. Their wings beat cool breezes around him as they landed. He noticed their bare feet, adorned with rings and bracelets drafted in jewels and inky black claws that dug into the mud beneath them. There were matching claws on your fingers, along with more rings and bracelets, which reflected the light of the sun above them.

The wings spread once more, shuddering before collapsing against their back. Horns matching the color of the wings shined as the being shook their head free of their messy hair. Scales glittered along their cheekbones and the bridge of his nose, his hand raising to gently brush against the former. The being leaning into his hand, smoke bellowing out of their nostrils as a happy little hum left their-...your lips. A name flickered in and out of his memory as your hand came up to cup his own.

The memory faded out leaving him with nothing but a bittersweet yearning, a whisper of a name, and a collection of weeds leftover from the Dragon's Tear.

It wasn't enough. He needed to know more about you. He recognized the place in the memory, quickly making his way to the field. It was barren when he got there, no flowers, scorched with ashes. It made something bitter settle in his stomach but he got the desired results.

This time the sky was a blood red, bitter and angry with black spits of ash falling. That wasn't what had his breath catching in his throat. No. It was the wounds that littered your body. Burns, livid and still sizzling, decorated your once pristine skin as your once firm and whole wings laid in pure taters around you. Holes that couldn't have felt good smoked as you laid still. Horridly still. A hand on his arm tried pulling him away from the scene. He turned to see Zelda already disregarding your broken form, convinced that she could still unlock her powers in time. Blind to the fact that they had already lost. You were gone. You had given your life for their own. And She didn't care. He could do Ganon a favor then and there.

You had died protecting them from a raging gang of Lynels. You were dead. And Zelda didn't care. She just wanted him to fulfill his duty and carry on and unfortunately, he had no choice but to follow.

The memory filtered out once more, and he was left with a boiling rage and clenching fists. Angry energy with nowhere to go, poisoning his veins. So he did the only thing he could think of. He screamed. It was something bitter and full of raw passion, enough so that he felt something tear- if not pull in the very least.

In the very far distance, a dragon's roar echoed his own scream.

He took off running.

<><><><>

You were alive. Scarred and traumatized, scared and cautious, but alive. And you knew who he was. You didn't seem to believe it at first, but then your eyes caught the earring hanging from his ear. He had had it since he had awoken in the shrine and seemingly before even that. It had just always been apart of him.

One of your clawed fingers had slowly, so so slowly, reached for it, brushing against the jewelry. You were so warm. It was so nice against what he remembered as your cold and stony skin, so pale as opposed to your tanned skin as it was now.

"You still wear this." You had whispered, voice crackling as if you hadn't used it for Hylian speech patterns. "I had gifted it to you when we first started courting. I am surprised they have lasted as long as they have with your reckless behavior."

Without even thinking about it, his own hand reached to grace against your scales once more. And it felt right. "Of course I do. They reminded me of you," He had whispered back. While he was never certain of where they came from, they did remind him of comfort and safety, all things he could now identify as you. Gorgeous, effervescent you who was now back in his arms, growling lowly in your throat as he clung onto you. "Why do you have to go again?"

"We've been over this, my heart," You grumbled, shaking your head. "Mating season is dangerous. I cannot risk your own preservation for my pleasure."

He groaned, throwing enough of his weight onto you that you staggered just a bit, wings snapping out to support both his weight and your own. "I'm a big boy, I can handle it. Why must you leave me?"

"Link-"

He just had to stall a little longer. It had been weeks of work, to keep himself off of you, but he had done it, leaving you just as pent up as he felt. And now it was just a matter of stalling long enough you let your pretty little brain shut down and let him do all the thinking for once.

Just a little longer.

Your tail twitched behind you, swiping against the wood of your shared home. "I don't have time-"

"Just stay here with me, princess. Let me take away all your worries-" He nipped at that spot right under your ears, right where your scales ended. It made you shiver, muscles running lax for a moment before you stiffened.

"Link, don't-"

<><><>

"-Stop," You panted out, head falling against the pillows as your wings remained splayed out behind you. Smoke bellowed out from between your teeth as he kept you pinned with a hand on your throat, the cradle between his thumb and index finger cutting off your airway as he rammed his own hips against yours.

You were so pretty like this, brainless and drooling, doing anything he asked of you. Honestly, he doesn't know why you ever fought him on this. He would always win when if came to you. He knew he would make you bend, it was just a matter of time.

He couldn't believe you ever thought you could hurt him. Look at you! Drooling over his hand as you clung to the arm holding you down, nothing but mindless babbles leaving your lips; asking, begging for more. Begging for him to breed you and fill you.

He would do just that. Fill you to the brim. Fill you until your primal mind was satisfied. Fill you until there was no question on whether or not you would carry his young. You would be the mother of his child, no question about it. He would father your only children and he would finally get the ending he deserved. What you both had earned through bloodshed and tears, sweat and sacrifice. This was what everything had led to. This was what all the fighting had been for.

And Goddess above was it worth it.

The thought of you, as a mother, was soul satisfying as you cried out beneath him. He would do anything to see you so. You wanted it, he wanted it, what more to the equation was there?

After all, 'tis the season.

[pendarling]

Estranged Siblings Meet Again After A Fallout

Continuing to be on bad terms even though they’re secretly thrilled to see one another

Reintroducing old inside jokes between them

Fond memories

Arguing isn’t the same because one or both of them have changed and are less likely to backdown or more likely to give in

Getting upset at their situation and blaming it on each other

Estranged siblings who are too embarrassed to talk to one another or act awkwardly

Younger Sibling B finds nostalgic comfort in an old gesture Sibling A used to do with them (head pats, hugs, linking arms etc…)

Sibling A continues to treat B like their own child and disciplines them often

When they both feel regret for missing out on huge life events of the other

Bringing up old arguments again and again

When it was literally another or multiple other family members that ruined their relationship

Burning photos

^^^And alternatively keeping photos they said they hated

Siblings that never show physical affection are left touch-starved

When an unfortunate event leaves one of them fighting a medical issue and the other tries to quickly forge a bond

No one even knew they were siblings until its mentioned

Younger sibling that only shows their childish behaviour with their older counterpart

^^^Treating them like a baby if that’s how they’re going to act

^^^Pretending to dislike it even when really they enjoy it more than ever.

Staring at each other constantly because they look so different from the last time they met

Being overly polite because they literally are a stranger

Not recognizing one another until someone says their name

One of them trying to do better but it keeps getting worse

Assuming their sibling still likes the same old things

Accidentally mentioning something triggering because they were unaware of the event

Feeling apologetic for not keeping in touch but never having the opportunity to say it

Lengthy letters or emails that a sibling was always hesitant about sending so they just sit in the drawer or in drafts

^^^Sibling B accidentally stumbles into it

Estranged siblings that only “meet” because one of them died so the other came to their funeral

~~~

MASTERLIST

[technomanceer]

I think the most interesting thing to take out of TOV so far would have to be something I'm either just screaming at an echo chamber about or I'm late to the game in realizing, but a message I kind of see is this:

What makes art so special when we make it is that there's always a soul in your own work. That soul can make it powerful, make memories, make emotions, without a single word art can tell a grand story. It's like a look into someone's head, putting into your mind what can't just be described with words. Even when you're gone, that soul never dies. We find pieces from years and years ago, still radiating the same emotions felt when it was first being brought into existence. Art is special. In its own way, art is ALIVE which is why it's so important to keep art preserved. It's someone's soul, either that of the artist or of who they decided to shed light on.

I think part of what makes some types of liminal horror so effective to ME is that feeling of discarded memories you get from seeing a nostalgic place left to slowly rot by the elements. People made this, people loved this place, people were here for as long as it could stand, and you can still feel the love this place once had, its soul, and yet...

... This love has inevitably been left to rot.

Despite its unsettling nature, someone made those giants. Made with love, made with recognition, people cherished those parades and photos and made memories in that mall. That place was loved, to some degree it was. But like many other cases, it would come to meet the fate of abandonment. It would be torn away, with fields in it's place like nothing was ever there to begin with, but that memory was still kept alive. The soul of the art and memories made there never died, and only grew more vengeful in its loneliness.

It won't rest until it's seen again, until it's recognized and loved again like it was years ago. All it wants is to be loved.

[versegm]

"Ah, this is rather bad, isn't it?"

Rin would disagree. Failing an exam is bad. Losing your wallet is bad. Getting skewered by fifty fucking noble phantasm and having half your limbs torn off as a result isn't bad, it's fucking disastrous.

"In hard times, it's important to focus on the positive." Their voice trembles a bit from the swords lodged through their lungs, but their tone is even. Casual. As if this were normal. Every step leaves a trail of blood behind, their flesh is hanging torn from their body, the smell of viscera is churning Rin's stomach, and they're talking about it like it's the weather.

"What fucking positive??" She barks, readjusting her grip on Berserker's shoulder. With one leg, they can't walk unless she's supporting them. "What is fucking wrong with you?? Why do you always act like everything is fine?? You could have died!! You should have died!! Just... Fuck!"

She rounds the corner and leans against the wall. They don't have much time- the blood might as well be a giant neon sign spelling we are here, come kill us!!- but she figures they might have a few minutes. "Okay. Okay. We need a plan. If you got anything, I'm all ears."

"Do you think Solomon was right about the baby?"

"Huh?" She turns to Berserker. They're staring at her like her response is the most important thing in the world. "What does this have to do with anything?"

"Solomon. He's a great guy, you know? But one time, two mothers fought over who should get a baby, and he suggested cutting it in half. Do you think he was right?"

"Are you shitting me? We have other priorities at the moment!" Rin grits her teeth. Right. Right. Madness enhancement. Madness enhancement. Getting angry, she has learned the hard way, will not do jack shit to ground Berserker any more in reality. "People die when they are cut in half. That was no solution at all. It would just hurt the baby and both mothers."

Berserker looks down for a moment. "... Yes, I suppose only having a half would hurt." They wiggle a bit. At that cue, Rin sits Berserker downs. They still don't look at her. "But I can't do both, so this will have to do. It probably wouldn't be good for you anyways. Flesh isn't that solid of a vessel."

"Yeah, that's why we stick to gemstones." She kneels next to Berserker. She opens her mouth to speak some more, but they bring a hand to her cheek, staining it red.

"Don't blame yourself too much about it, alright? I was going to end this way. I died long ago. You could have never saved me."

"... Don't say that." Something swells in her throat. "We'll make it out somehow, okay? We'll survive this, and get the grail, and I'll figure out a way for us to have a conversation that makes some fucking sense, and it'll be great. I'm not leaving you."

Berserker smiles. It's softer than their usual one. Less joyful. More nostalgic.

"No. I suppose you're not."

Servants are faster than humans. This fact apparently still applies to those who are half-dead already. Rin does not see them move. She feels pain blossoming in her stomach, dimly registers that the hand has left her cheek, and thinks: oh.

"Goodbye, girl who is not Ishtar." It hurts, hey lean forwards to kiss her forehead, it hurts, it hurts, "I wish I could have learned your name."

They look up to the sky. "Guardian of the scales, heed my call-" And everything past this turns into white noise, drowned by a torrent of pain.

It hurts. It hurts. It hurts it hurtsithurtsithurts it's in her guts it's in her bones it's in her teeth a burst of wind a twirling gust a hurricane she can't hold it in it's too much it'll kill her it'll kill her it'll kill her.

There's a horrible, sickening sound, a drawn-out howl like an animal being dragged to slaughter. It take her a moment to realize it's a voice. It takes even longer for her to recognize it as her own.

She collapses on the ground. There's something inside of her. There's something inside of her something under her skin something inside her head it's not her it's foreign it's bad wrong dangerous she wants it out she wants it out she wants it out. Her nails claw at her own throat. She has to draw the blood she has to drag it out she has to reject this thing if it fucking kills her.

She hears another voice. Its sound alone feels her with disgust and rage. She latches onto it like an anchor, trying to drag herself out of this agony. She blinks rapidly, recognizing first gold, then black, then a person.

"What a shame. You mongrels can't even entertain me right. I suppose putting you out of your misery would be a mercy."

Gilgamesh.

Fury fills her every pores, more than she ever thought she could feel, more than a human heart could ever possibly produce. It's a hatred bigger than her body, the kind that make the blood boil and the teeth grow. The stars reside in her ribcage (not, that's not true,) Venus echoes her voice (not her voice, not her feelings, not her body, not her, not her, not her-) and every inch of her (her) want him dead.

He leans in. Raises a dismissive hand. the Gates of Babylon open.

"An Gal Ta Ki Gal Šè!"

Fired at point-blank range, Maana obliterates Rin's hand, the nearby building, and Gilgamesh.

[tariah23]

I wanna know why you're still reading JJK not because it's bad but bc I love seeing you rant about things you love

NATEjajajaaj tbh, I complain about everything I like and everything that I’ve said thus far about JJK, I still feel strongly about because I KNOW that it used to be written way better before but despite all of that, I can honestly say that I still enjoy it a ton. It’s so fun!? I can’t look away?!? I haven’t felt this way about a manga, especially a shounen of all things, in�� I really don’t know (I kind of don’t like to count csm since it’s still a seinen to me…). Jjk is joining the ranks of my love for Naruto 🙈……. As absurd as that might sound, it makes me feel nostalgic despite not being that old!!!

It definitely deserves all of its praise as well and I’m not just saying this just because I’m a fan. If it didn’t, I’d definitely say otherwise. I’m glad that everyone is fucking with it! It just made the  Guinness world book of records the other day, I kind of want to throw up 😭. Knowing how Gege’s been writing the story lately, he probably doesn’t give a shit. He just wants to finish JJK as soon as possible so that he could get back to doing fuck all. Well… good for him. But, I’m genuinely glad that I got into it! The fans are annoying but that’s to be expected from a mainstream shounen unfortunately. It’s so nice ignoring them though. That’s the only way you’ll be able to enjoy something as big of a series like this tbh.

All of the characters that I’ve liked or loved never got to the point where they were written horribly like, I can say that Gege has remained pretty consistent in the characterization department, which is a plus, since whenever I get into stuff, I tend to pay a lot of attention to things like this especially. Yuuji is still Yuuji, Sukuna is still that petty old bitch, Gojo remained as silly and courageous till the very end (even tho I still wished that Gege could’ve focused more on Gojo’s trauma… it would’ve been nice to see him overcome the burden of being the apex of the jujutsu society… he was so much more than an idol and he still died believing that that was all that he was. Someone who was so far removed from humanity that he continued to tell himself that this would be all that he ever was and that even if his friends and peers truly did love and respected him, they’ll never learn to “understand,” him because he’s so much more powerful than they were. Their lives would never be the same. And he could never make any of them truly happy in the end. I really HATED THAT Gege let that man go to that DAMN airport still holding onto to his loneliness like this 😭😭😭… and then when you think back to that one scene in the story where various other characters were asked about their feelings towards Gojo, and all most of them had to say was that “he’s the strongest,” I just… :(… Obviously, he’s well respected despite his personality but 😭… Gege, you will burn for this-

I do enjoy how ridiculous JJK can get as well. People can talk badly about it all they want but you can’t say that it’s predictable lmfao. This looney toons ass plot 😭!!! I’m kind of here for the shenanigans. It’s been pretty repetitive as of lately though. Mainly the whole Sukuna vs everyone thing that’s been going on starting from Kashimo (his dumbass) right after Gojo’s death… but it’s okay. Outside of my favs being slaughtered left and right 👎🏾☠️. You can tell that Gege is just rushing through the story now though :/. I kind of can’t wait for it to end but I’m still enjoying the ride until the wheels fall off! I want Yuuji and the rest of the gang to be able to enjoy the rest of their lives, man… Gege wrote JJK with a chip on his shoulder 😭.

[helionmylove]

Lone Wolves

Ithan Holstrom x Reader

Word Count: 2727

Not beta read

WARNINGS: Smut, there is like a sentence of degradation, praise k!nk, his roommates definitely heard you two, unprotected piv, or@l m receiving, f!ngering

SUMMARY: Ithan reconnects with a fellow lone wolf and former friend. After spending a lot of time together, Ithan gets annoyed by his roommates teasing, so smut ensues. Ithan is probably really out of character, I have no clue what this is. Oops.

You left the den after the pack of devils died. It was a difficult and odd decision, not many people had understood. But your mother had died two years before and your father wasn’t in the picture, so you didn’t have any family holding you there, and then shit hit the fan once the devils were murdered. Danika kept everyone in line, whether she realized it or not. With her gone, you didn’t feel welcome in the den. Omegas, like yourself, were considered the weak links of a pack. Many believe the only thing worse than being an omega is being a lone wolf. But according to Sabine there’s something even worse: being half human and an omega. So, when Sabine started getting worse, you left. It was painful at first, but you managed.

A few years later, you heard Ithan Holstrom got kicked out and the shit beat out of him. You’d been friends before, so you reached out and told him that if he needed someone to talk to, you’d be there. 

It took a few weeks, but he eventually showed up at your apartment with a pizza, beer, and hard seltzers on night out of the blue. When you opened the door, Ithan was standing there in an old sunball hoodie and a pair of gray sweatpants. His hair seemed shinier.

“Uh hi?” You said, raising an eyebrow.

“I know it’s rude to show up unannounced, but I come bearing gifts.” He held up the six packs in one hand and pizza boxes in the other.

You step aside, letting him into the tiny apartment. “I never told you my address.”

He walked in, heading to where he could see your small kitchen to place his offerings down. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. I asked Declan Emmett to find out for me.”

“Hanging out with the fae now?”

“Living with them.”

You stood with him in the kitchen and couldn’t help but notice he’d gotten even more attractive than the last time you’d seen him. You’d always had a crush on Ithan, how could you not? He was sweet and athletic and gorgeous. You rubbed your eyes, forcing the thought out of your mind. 

“What brings you by, Ithan?” You question, grabbing a slice of pizza and sitting on the counter. 

“Well,” he ran a hand through his hair, getting his own slice, “I was thinking about… stuff. Reread your text. Next thing I knew I was stealing booze from Flynn’s stash and ordering a pizza on my way here.”

“Couldn’t give me a head’s up?”

“My hands were full?” 

You couldn’t help smiling at the cheeky grin on his face. He seemed to be doing well, that was good.

“So, just feeling nostalgic?”

“Honestly?” Ithan’s face fell. “I had some questions.” You took a swig of your drink and nodded for him to continue. “Does it ever get easier?”

“Quite the philosophical question, Holstrom.”

“I mean the lone wolf thing.”

“I figured.” You sighed and shrugged. “I suppose so. I mean, every now and then I miss that feeling of belonging but I’ve moved on, I guess. Why?” You frown. “Is it getting to you?”

“Every now and then.” He took a swig from his beer, leaning beside where you sat. “It’s been nice hanging out with Bryce again. I like living with the guys, and we have each other’s backs. But…”

“But you miss having other wolves around.” You finished for him, earning a solemn nod in response. “Maybe we could help each other out.”

“Become a pack of two?” He suggested.

“A pack of loners,” you nudge his side with your foot laughing softly.

He held his drink up to yours in a toast, clinking the cans. “To the pack of loners.”

——————

You two had spent all of your free time together. It got to the point where you were spending more time at Ruhn’s house than you were in your own apartment. Like right now, you and Ithan were sitting on the couch in the living room, with Flynn on the opposite end of the couch, and Declan in a chair beside him.

Ithan had sat incredibly close to you, draping an arm around your shoulders, his fingers absentmindedly drawing circles on your arm. You tried not to pay attention to it, looking anywhere but at him. You had noticed his tendency to ignore your personal space whenever the guys were around.

Ruhn walked in the front door, scanning the room as he entered. “Something’s different. It’s too quiet in here.”

“The fire sprites are upstairs watching Fangs and Bangs on my tablet.” Flynn shrugged.

“Which we could have been watching down here,” you chimed in. 

“No,” Declan, Flynn, and Ithan said simultaneously. It had been an argument for about ten minutes, them versus you and the fire sprites over what to watch. You lost, the guys deciding to watch highlights from some sunball game. 

“You’re more than welcome to go join my girls upstairs.” Flynn hummed.

“She’s not going in your room.” Ithan shut him down, eyes trained on the tv.

The three fae males all shared a knowing look, the same sinister smirks breaking out across their faces. You sat back into the couch, trying to avoid their stares, but ended up cuddling closer to Ithan by accident. 

“Why not?” Declan chimed in. “It’s not like Flynn would be up there anyway.”

“She should come hang out in my room. We’ll have a great time.” Ruhn winked playfully.

“Don’t get in the way of the poor girl’s fun, pup.” Flynn nudged him.

A muscle feathered in Ithan’s jaw. He stood up, taking your hand and heading upstairs to his room. A chorus of “oh come on pups it was a joke” and obnoxious laughter sounded from downstairs as Ithan ushered you into his room.

“What’s wrong with you?” You huff as you sit on his bed.

“Nothing.” He grumbles, laying face down on his bed.

“They were just messing around, Holstrom.” You nudge him playfully. “No need to go all alphahole over it.”

“I’m not.” He swats your hands away.

You take the opportunity to poke him all over: his cheeks, chest, stomach, anywhere that would bother him. He continues swatting at you. Eventually deciding that he’s had enough, he takes hold of your wrists and pins you to the bed. He’s impossibly close. His breath is warm against your face. His eyes hold yours in an unfaltering gaze.

“Ithan,” You gasp.

His eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips before he gently pressed his lips to yours. His lips were warm and surprisingly soft, the kiss was gentle but firm. Ithan’s grip tightened on your wrists, his weight shifting over you. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say he was holding himself back. He broke the kiss, eyes fluttering open slowly. 

“I’m sorry,” his voice was wrecked.

“Why?” You furrowed your brows, studying his face.

“Why? Y/N, I shouldn’t have forced that on you.” 

You rolled your eyes, wriggling your wrists out of his hold to grip his hair, pressing a kiss to the corner of his lips. Then the other corner. Then fully onto his lips. 

It only took a second before Ithan took control. His strong hands holding your waist in a firm grip. His soft lips against yours in a claiming kiss. A gasp falls from your mouth into his, as he slides his powerful thigh between your legs, right against where you want him most. The way you grind ever so slightly onto his thigh brings a satisfied growl from him. You grip his soft hair tighter, desperate to bring him closer to you.

His lips move away from yours, trailing along your jaw, down your neck, across your collarbone. Every now and then he’d nip and suck at the sensitive skin, leaving a trail of hickeys, and relishing in the way you whimper at the sensation.

He makes himself stop, pushing back so he’s kneeling above you. Those warm, brown eyes scan over your breathless form in a way that turns your core molten. 

“Tell me to stop, and I’ll stop.” He rasped, licking his lips as you shake your head. “You want this?”

“Please, Ithan.” Your hips move slightly, desperate for friction. “Fuck me please.”

He pulled his shirt over his head, before slipping yours off you. His pupils blew wide as he took in your nearly bare form. Ithan dragged his lips along your collarbone, kissing a trail to the hollow of your throat. He kissed and nipped until he was satisfied with the bruise forming there. Your soft whimpering spurred him on. Your nails dug into the strong muscles of his back. In an instant, your arms were held above your head, his large hand holding both your wrists, his other hand trailing down your torso with a featherlight touch.

“Be a good girl for me?” He murmured into your neck. Those skilled fingers undid your jeans before slipping under your panties. His long middle finger slid along your folds eliciting a whiny moan from you. “Fuck, you’re so wet for me. Want me to play with your pretty little pussy?”

“Please Ithan, please!” You plead, squirming in his grip.

He slowly pushed his long finger into you, thrusting it ever so slowly. “Sound so pretty when you beg. Tell me pretty girl, who’s this pussy belong to?” He pushes a second finger into you, groaning as your slick walls constrict around his long digits and a litany of moans slip from your mouth.

“You Ithan!” You whimper as he starts moving his fingers in a ‘come hither’ motion. “It’s yours. Please!”

“Please?” He chuckles darkly, no sign of that sweet cuddly guy you spent all your time with, just that primal dominant wolf. “What is it you want, sweetheart? Be a good girl and tell me.”

“Want you, want your cock. Please Ithan, I’ll do anything. Please.” Any other time you would feel pathetic for begging like this, but if this was how good he could make you feel from just his fingers, you needed to feel the rest of him. 

Those warm brown eyes turned black. Before you could register what even happened, your pants and panties were tugged down, your bra removed from your chest. You lay completely bare before him, his ravenous gaze trailing along your body, from your hickey covered neck to your soaked pussy. He kneeled between your legs, undoing his pants and pulling them down with his boxers, letting his hard length jump free. Your eyes widen at the sheer sight of him: long, thick, and veiny. Holy fuck, he was going to ruin you. 

A cocky smirk graced his face as he caught you staring. “Like what you see sweetheart?”

It honestly felt like an out of body experience. Instead of answering, you got off the bed, kneeling beside it. A string of profanities left his mouth as you reach up and slowly pump him, running your thumb over the leaking tip. Hesitantly, you lean forward, swirling your tongue around the tip. But that wasn’t enough for Ithan. A feral growl came from him as he gripped your hair tightly, pushing you further onto his cock. You couldn’t help gagging at the intrusion, or the tears that threatened to spill as you looked up at him. He only grunted, pushing you to take even more of him as he thrusted shallowly into your mouth.

“That’s a good little bitch,” his head lolled back as he continued fucking your face. You’d never heard him talk like that, and honestly it just made you wetter. You slipped a hand between your legs to play with your clit, only to be interrupted by Ithan pulling out of your mouth. “Can’t focus on me for just a little, huh? You’re that needy, slut?”

He pulled you up by your hair, eliciting a high whine from you. His soft lips kissed away your tears as he took your head in his hands. “Such a needy little pet. Don’t worry, gonna fuck that out of you.”

You fell onto your back, only to be flipped onto your stomach. You buried your face in his pillows, relishing in his lingering scent on the soft fabric. Then you felt the claws - a perk of fucking a wolf shifter - trailing down your spine. He was really determined to mark you up. He propped your hips up, pushing your head down. A satisfied moan sounded as he slowly pushed himself into you. Your back arched as you felt his massive length enter you.

His thrusts were merciless, fucking into you without abandon. His claws dug into your hips to keep you right where he wanted you. His breath was hot against the back of your neck. Your hands desperately grasped for purchase of the sheets. You couldn’t help your loud moans. You could feel your sense of self starting to fade, all that mattered was your building orgasm.

“You’re mine, Y/N” His thrusting became erratic. “Only mine.” A slap to your ass followed by a particularly hard thrust. “Not Ruhn’s. Not Flynn’s.” He pounded harder at each of their names making your legs shake. “Mine.” Another slap.

You were so close. Every powerful thrust brought you closer. You started moving your hips back against him. Through his pleasured grunts, you heard him chuckle. “You wanna cum? I feel you squeezing my cock. I bet you’re so close. Wanna cum on your alpha’s cock?”

“Ithan,” You whimper through your moans. “Please let me cum.” 

“Say you’re mine.” His rhythm began to falter. He was close too.

“I’m yours. I’m yours Ithan, please!”

He hid his claws so he could rub your clit without hurting you. “Cum for me, pretty girl.”

Your orgasm nearly crashed into you so hard you nearly fainted. Ithan hardly let up, chasing his own high. His hips slowed, gently coaxing you both through your climaxes. You two stayed in that position for a minute, panting and sweating. Carefully, Ithan pulled out of you, your body lying limp on his bed. He got up, grabbing his towel from the back of his door. He gently cleaned the mess from between your legs, stopping to wipe the trickles of blood from where he clawed at you. He worried his lip between his teeth as he brushed over the marks.

“M’sorry,” he murmured, staring at that spot.

“Don’t be,” you hum, burrowing into the blanket. “Felt so good.”

He gently moved you off the bed, despite your warning, so that he could get the sticky comforter off the bed. Once he was satisfied that the sheets were dry underneath, he allowed you to lay back down. His large form curled up beside you, pulling you to cuddle with him. You buried your face in his chest, breathing his scent in deeply. You were content here in the safety of his arms.

“Please be mine,” he whispered into your hair. “I don’t want to be a lone wolf anymore. I want you by my side.”

“Ithan, the only time I leave your side is to go to class or work,” you reminded him. “Plus, the guys are basically a pack.”

“I’m serious, Y/N.” He looked at you pleadingly. 

“So, you want me to be your pack omega?”

“I want you to be my… girlfriend isn’t a strong enough word for how I feel about you.”

You studied him for a moment, the longing in those soft eyes. A pang in your chest, a strain of your heart. Realization flooded his gaze.

“You’re my mate?” You whisper.

“Are you okay with that?” Was that fear in his voice?

“Ithan, I’m thrilled.” You pulled him closer, nuzzling your face in the crook of his neck. He buried his face in your hair, breathing deeply.

A banging and loud laughter came from his bedroom door. 

“Are you two finished?” Flynn shouted.

“Next time keep it down! There are other people living here you know!” Declan joined in.

“About damn time!” And there was Ruhn.

Ithan chuckles, pulling you even closer as he shouted at his roommates, “oh, fuck off.”

The laughter continued as you heard those three going back downstairs. Leaving you in the comfortable quiet of Ithan’s room. You slowly drifted off to sleep, cuddled close to your mate.

[cinnamontoastcrunch-15]

If Only You could Look into my Eyes and See that I Still Love You

Burnout is KICKING MY ASS so have a oneshot I wrote before I completely ran out of ideas while I try to finish my WIPs (I promise they’ll be out soon!!)

Warning: it’s a post prank oneshot

Remus stirred slowly, feeling like he’d clawed his way up from the depths of an ocean, rather than a shallow dive that his unconsciousness usually left him with. He leaves his eyes shut for a moment, taking in the hospital wing around him for a moment. Something felt… off.

The first thing he noticed was Sirius’ absence.

He could always feel Sirius’ presence, especially straight after a full moon, and he was always there. Never missed a moon. With a swirl of dread, he realised what that meant. Something had gone seriously wrong.

The second thing he noticed was that he was in pain.

Everything in him was aching more than normal, his head pounding, a lot of new slashes stinging his body, and his leg feeling a lot like it did when Poppy had healed a broken bone, even though it had been a while since he’d felt that, the only description being nostalgic. Not a pleasant nostalgia, but nostalgia all the same.

The panic that the unfamiliar pain brought him was enough for him to fling his eyes open, going to sit straight up and immediately regretting it. Almost instantly, a hand reached out and pressed against his chest, pushing him back down slowly. Remus turned to find James and Peter sat there, James having stood up to help Remus sit slower. James adjusted the pillows carefully, letting Remus rest against them and sitting back down.

“Careful, Moony. Gave us a scare.” James said, with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. It threw Remus off a little, concerning him. If James couldn’t hide something then it was big. It was bad.

Shit.

Remus glanced between the two of them carefully.

“Something happened last night, didn’t it?” He asked, Peter shifting a little uncomfortably in his seat as James’ smile died. Okay, he was right, that’s one thing. It only increased the sense of dread deep in his stomach. Not having any memory of the moons only made his own concern worse, that small reminder that he was dangerous gnawing at him. “Did anyone get hurt?” His voice was filled with concern, he couldn’t hold it back as his mind ran through every scenario under the sun.

“…you.” James said, almost like it should have been obvious, and Remus bit back an eye roll.

“Other than me.” James shook his head, and Remus felt himself breathing a little easier.

“Not in the end, no.”

In the end? What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

“Well then… what happened? And where’s Sirius?” James’ brow furrowed further, and Remus wanted to be swallowed whole. He was in pain and tired, and they weren’t just coming out and telling him what happened.

“It’s, uh… it’s actually about Sirius. He- fuck, I don’t know how to say this.” James said, eyes sliding shut as he took a deep, shaking breath. “He told Snape. About the Whomping Willow. Snape, he- he went down there and, well… Snape knows.” James spoke in a rush, and Remus could feel his heart drop further and further into his stomach, through his legs, almost to his feet, icy cold shock slowly spreading down over him.

No.

No, there was no way.

Of all of the many, many scenarios running through his mind, none of them involved Sirius doing anything to hurt him, because he wouldn’t.

James was watching Remus’ frown deepen, and Remus had never seen James at a loss for words before. Remus had so many questions, but thankfully, Peter stepped in, getting through the rest of it.

“James stopped him, and got him straight to Dumbledore. I’ve got no fucking clue what Dumbledore said to him, but he’s not going to tell anyone, so you’re not expelled. Sirius is with Professor McGonnagal and Dumbledore now.”

“I told them to boot him off the Quidditch team.” James said, fists clenching. “He’s not coming back, not after that.”

“I- no, he- he wouldn’t, Sirius wouldn’t.” It was the first thing Remus could think to say, because he just wouldn’t. Not Sirius.

Not when they had just started to really define what they were. After months of stolen glances, of stolen touches. After that kiss on the astronomy tower. After Remus had finally confessed that he had feelings for Sirius, and Sirius had said he did too. After everything, he wouldn’t turn around and betray him. It wasn’t possible.

“Did they- is Sirius expelled? What about- they can’t send him back to his family, right?” It wasn’t a question Remus had expected to ask, but it happened. He couldn’t stop himself from asking it. James shrugged.

“I don’t think they are expelling him, no.”

“Right, okay, yeah. That’s good.” Because he hadn’t done anything, he’d never. Even if he had, which he hadn’t, nobody deserved the family Sirius had.

“I- Moony, are you alright?” James whispered, as Remus seemed to reach a conclusion. It couldn’t be happening. With that, he went to get up, ignoring the stabbing pain in his hip as both James and Peter stood to stop him. “Hey, hey hey, you need to rest, lay back down.” James wasn’t advising, he was telling, but Remus wouldn’t listen.

“No, I- I need to hear this from him, let me-“

“Remus, Peter was the only one there last night, okay? You’re really hurt. If Madame Pomfrey sees you trying to leave-“

“Remus John Lupin, what on earth are you doing?” Too late. Poppy marched over to him, hands on her hips. “You are going to get back into that bed and you are going to sleep. If you’re well enough, you can leave later.”

“No, Poppy, please, you don’t- I need to see Sirius.” Her face softened considerably, then, walking over to him, grabbing both of his arms and gently pushing him into the bed. He couldn’t fight her, he never could.

“I know what happened, lovely, but you need rest. I can’t let you go now, not in good conscience. Professor McGonnagal will sort everything out, just focus on yourself for a while, okay?” Remus wanted to scream. Seeing Sirius was focusing on himself, because he didn’t believe it. He wanted Sirius to walk in and say everything was just some big misunderstanding, but if he couldn’t have that, he needed to find him. Poppy shoved a potion into his hand. “Drink this.” The command was back, and Remus wanted to argue, but he didn’t have the energy. Just trying to get out of the bed was draining, and while the adrenaline was enough to keep him awake, it wasn’t enough for him to disobey. He glanced at the potion. Sleeping. Maybe if he drank it, let himself be dragged into a hazy unconsciousness, then everything would be fine when he woke up. Sirius would be there, and everything would be okay.

-

It took hours for him to drift back from his deep sleep, already feeling better than he had the first time. For a few moments he remained blissfully unaware of everything that had happened, letting himself wake up slowly. Until everything that James and Peter had said sunk in for the second time, and the same cold trickle of shock started at his head and slowly travelled down the back of his neck and his spine. He felt like he wasn’t in his own body, then, refusing to process fully. Not until he had spoken to Sirius.

Once he had forced his eyes open and propped himself up in his bed, James and Peter no longer sat beside him, Poppy walked over.

“Remus. I would keep you here overnight, but due to the… circumstances, if you’re feeling alright, you can leave. If you’d like to.” She added onto the end.

Part of Remus really didn’t want to. Part of him wanted to stay in his bubble of uncertainty, where he could convince himself that it wasn’t true, it didn’t happen. Still, his anxiety kept getting worse, growing every second, and he knew that another part of him, a much bigger part, wanted to get out of the wing, march right up to Sirius and have him scrunch up his nose in that way of his and say of course it isn’t true, he would never do that to him, especially not now.

Despite the sinking feeling that was convincing him that he wasn’t going to hear that, he settled on that option, swinging his legs out of the bed and going to get changed out of the hospital gown. Poppy left, shutting the curtains behind her and leaving Remus to his thoughts. James wasn’t one to lie, especially not about something like that, and they both seemed particularly distraught, but Remus couldn’t even imagine what he would do if Sirius nodded, said he did it. Something had happened, and Snape knew. He knew. Remus just needed to know how, and for Sirius not to be the one who told him.

With that, Remus shoved the curtains open, waved to Madame Pomfrey and left the hospital wing, walking quickly to the dorm. If Sirius wasn’t there, the map would be. He would find Sirius if it killed him.

Thankfully, it didn’t take long. The moment he had started up the stairs to get to Gryffindor Common Room, James and Peter must have spotted him, catching up quickly.

“Moony, did Madame Pomfrey already let you go?”

“Yeah. Need to talk to Sirius.”

“Are you sure that’s the best idea right now, he’s-“

“I need to.” James and Peter exchanged an uncomfortable glance, clearly expecting carnage, but Remus wasn’t. Remus was expecting Sirius to reassure him, because what else could he do?

“Right, okay.” Peter agreed, James nodding. That didn’t seem to defer them from following him there, though. They followed him through the portrait hole, following a chastising from the fat lady, and up to the dorm. “He’s in there-“

“Saves me some time, then.” Remus answered simply, shoving the door open and freezing almost as soon as he got inside. Sirius was sat on his bed, jumping a mile at the sound of the door and immediately standing. His eyes widened at the sight of Remus.

“Moony! You- I thought you’d be in the hospital wing for longer. Are you- are you okay?” Remus took a moment to just watch him.

Sirius was playing with his hands, fidgeting awkwardly, nervous. His eyes were red, pretty puffy, he’d clearly been crying, even as he tried to act like he hadn’t, causing a slightly painful tug in Remus’ heart, and he was more closed off than normal. It was enough for the dread that Remus had been trying his best to ignore to grow ever so slightly. He could see James glaring at Sirius from the corner of his eye, and Remus had to say something then.

“You-“ His voice cracked, and he was stunned by how stressed he sounded. He felt more together than he sounded, because he was so sure that Sirius hadn’t done it. Of course he hadn’t. “You didn’t actually tell him, did you?”

The silence was deafening.

Remus watched Sirius swallow slowly, eyes darting over Remus’ face and just missing meeting Remus’ eye. Remus’ own eyes flicked down to Sirius’ hands, only to find that they were shaking, and when he glanced back up there were tears in Sirius’ eyes.

“Moony, listen. It was- I didn’t mean- he-“

“Did you- did you tell him or not?” Remus snapped, arms folding to hide the fact that he felt like he was going to fall apart. Sirius fixed his gaze to the floor and nodded once, almost invisibly.

That one small gesture was enough to tear Remus’ world down.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered, and suddenly Remus couldn’t breathe. It was like someone had taken his entire foundation, the only sense of safety he had, the only thing he was ever sure in, and turned it on its head, taken it away from him, some cruel, cruel joke designed for the sake of his suffering.

Fuck.

He felt sick. He wanted to pass out, everything in him starting to tingle, head spinning as the lights became too bright and his own breathing became too loud. His ears were ringing, everything in him protesting and protesting, because it was Sirius. Not Sirius.

Fuck.

Sirius had done the one thing Remus had never thought he would do. He had taken the part of Remus, something that he was inevitably tied to for eternity, and instead of holding it close, he had handed the secret straight to the one person who wanted him gone. Almost fucking killed him in the process. Never in Remus’ life could he have expected Sirius to weaponise the thing Remus had expected him to protect. He fucking tore himself apart every month, and instead of seeing it as something to resolve, Sirius saw it as something to use. To twist and manipulate and use to his advantage, to get payback on someone.

Remus felt his hands start to shake, but he really wasn’t sure whether it was anger or sadness, whether he was going to scream or cry.

The answer seemed to be neither, then.

“I- christ, I’m going- shit.” He breathed, turning and leaving quickly. James and Peter went to follow him, but Remus didn’t want to be followed. It was like he was being suffocated. He slammed the door behind him, everything inside him bubbling until he didn’t know what to do with it. It was like he was going to burst, the gravity of everything falling on him.

He couldn’t go back to the dorm, the common room was too public, he had no clue where to go. So he just… walked. Trying to somehow walk everything out of him, looking for somewhere he couldn’t be followed.

Stumbling across the room of requirement was an accident. The perfect accident, though, because he could ask for whatever he wanted.

He paced in front of it quickly, asking the same thing and hoping that nobody was going to catch up to him while he did so.

‘I need a place the marauders can’t get to.’

In a matter of seconds, a door was standing in place of the blank wall, and Remus shoved it open quickly, slamming it shut behind him and feeling comforted by the knowledge that he would be able to process on his own.

The room was vast and airy, with a sofa pressed against the wall and a chest directly beside it. Okay, cold air, that was helping a little, as he paced quickly, trying to figure out what the fuck he was feeling.

Besides the fact that anger, resentment and shock were balling up inside him, and he could feel the denial slowly melting away to make place for sadness, there was something else rearing it’s ugly head that Remus really didn’t want to think about. A small voice telling him that he should have seen it coming, that he was so caught up in his feelings that Sirius probably didn’t even reciprocate that he couldn’t see the part of Sirius that was fully prepared to turn around and stab him in the back.

Christ, he felt sick. So fucking sick, he needed more air, he was being smothered by-

“Moony?”

Shit.

James.

He tried the door handle, which thankfully didn’t let him in. Good old room of requirement.

“Did he lock it?” Peter’s voice rang out quietly, and Remus shook his hands, trying to get some of the agitation out of his system so he didn’t scream.

Fuck it.

He threw a silencing charm over the space and let himself go, feeling everything raise inside him and release in a guttural scream, eyes screwed shut. It was actually happening, it was real. Silence settled back over the space, Remus lifting the silencing charm quickly, feeling the weight of the charm lift, back into the light airy space it had been before.

That’s was when he heard Lily.

“Hey, what’s going on? Is Remus in there?” Fuck, he didn’t think about Lily, she could probably get through the door.

“How did you…?” James started, and Remus could almost feel Lily rolling her eyes.

“Remus came storming out of the boys dorms and out the common room and you lot came running after with the map in your hands, so I figured something was wrong. Just followed you.” She answered casually, before raising her voice just a little for Remus’ benefit. “Remus, can I come in? Listen, I have no clue what’s going on, but you seemed really upset, and I don’t know that you should be alone. I won’t speak if you don’t want me to, just… don’t isolate yourself? Yeah?”

Something in Remus knew that the door would open for her, and he also knew that she was right, unfortunately.

“S’open.” Remus called half heartedly. “Just for you, though.” He couldn’t talk to James and Peter about any of it. Not yet.

The door clicked open gently, Remus bouncing on his heels when she walked in. She smiled tentatively at him, shutting the door behind her.

“Hey.” Remus watched her move to the sofa, dropping down on it and keeping her eyes on him.

“Hi.” He didn’t stop his pacing, and she didn’t speak for a while as she let him move around the room until his hip physically wouldn’t let him anymore. He felt it twinge, pausing and pressing his hand against the wall. Without missing a beat, Lily was at his side and helping him get to the sofa, the two of them sitting side by side in silence.

Remus could feel himself losing his composure more and more every second, and as Lily wrapped an arm around his shoulder he crumbled. The tears came before he knew what had happened, breaking down into deep, heavy sobs. It had clearly quite thrown Lily, but she didn’t hesitate in gently moving her hand up and down Remus’ arm, letting him lean and rest his head against hers, unable to stop the flow of crying that had started.

“Hey, it’s okay, you’re alright.” Lily murmured, just letting him cry until he couldn’t cry anymore. It was slightly cathartic, letting him mourn the fact that his friend, his best friend, the first person he’d ever loved had taken his biggest secret and used it for his advantage. A secret Lily didn’t know.

Fuck it. If Snape knew, then Remus had to tell Lily before he got to her.

The moment his ragged breathing had slowed and he could get words out, he decided that there was no time like the present. If she ran, then she ran, and there was nothing he could do about it. He’d already lost Sirius, he would rather lose Lily on his terms than on Severus’.

“Lils, I-“ he pulled away and glanced at her. “Have you talked to Sni- Severus, today?” She frowned and shook her head.

“Haven’t properly spoken to him in a while. Why?”

“He might- he probably will tell you something, soon, but I just- I want you to hear it from me.”

“Remus, what is it?” She asked, brow furrowing in concern as her open green eyes searched his amber ones.

“You can’t tell anyone, okay? And- and everything’s safe. 100% safe.” With that, he took a deep breath and tried to make sure he could actually get the words out. “I’m- I’ve got lycanthropy. I’m a werewolf.” He watched as her eyes widened, and he waited for her to up and leave, expecting disgust to flit across her face. Instead, her gaze became determined, and she nodded.

“I won’t tell a soul.” She promised, and Remus felt himself fall apart again, knowing that she was a safe place for him. That meant he could tell her the rest.

“Sirius- Sirius told Snape, he- he fucking-just when I thought he-“ Remus got out through stuttered breaths, and he felt Lily stiffen a little.

“I’m so sorry, Remus. You don’t deserve that.” She murmured, with only made Remus cry harder, the one thought he had been ignoring circling through his mind over and over, repeating with every beat of his heart.

I love him.