#once again i wish alcohol would disappear from the face of the planet so my hand would be forced and i wouldn't have to put in effort lol

[lakemichigans]

if antidepressants made me feel the way alcohol makes me feel the world would be a better place lol

[lokiskitten]

Loki Laufeyson | wrong room

Loki Laufeyson x fem!reader

plot : after landing on Midgard, you, Thor and Loki are forced to book rooms at the closest hotel in order to spend the night. However, you accidentally end up joining a room which isn’t yours and gain someone else’s bed.

warnings : mention of drinking, basic smut and unprotected sex.

In order to go after and find Odin, the three of you had been forced to travel to earth and lead unsuccessful investigations. Having to listen to Thor and Loki argue every ten minutes had easily gotten under your skin and irritated your nerves, which led you to beg the two of them to find a place to stay for the night. All you could think about was to find a bed in order to spend a good night of rest, and that no matter if you had to sleep onto a foreign planet. Besides, Thor and Loki’s presence managed to reassure your anxiety and fears.

And this is how the three of you ended up in a nearby hotel, the cheapest you managed to find as you wished to get over the payment step as soon as you could. Loki was getting frustrated, visibly annoyed to be forced through such a humiliating thing that was having to sleep somewhere else than in his personal silk sheets. On another hand, Thor seemed to enjoy this adventurous trip, which was far from being any surprising. You’ve know him since forever, and you knew that traveling to new places was something he liked to do- especially when it came to mixing up with “friendly” misgardians.

“Thank you.” Thor’s deep voice spoke as he took ahold of the three separated keys, Loki fainting a sarcastic smile as the three of you now turned around in order to reach the elevator. “This is ridiculous. Why can’t we just go back to Asgard? It isn’t too late.” The black haired man affirmed whilst taking decisive steps. “Because a little someone lost our own father and I refuse to go back to Asgard before I know that he is safe. Now that we left, I refuse to come back home empty handed and disappoint our people.” Thor responded. You decided to stay out of this little family argument as you believed that it was none of your business in the first place, even though the two men had insisted for you to accompany them.

Loki chuckled darkly, as if he took his brother’s many blames as compliments. The demigod shook his head as the three of you stepped inside of the elevator, Thor’s fingertip pressing against the proper button which caused the doors to close. “I did not loose him.” Loki defended his acts, earning an unamused groan from his older brother. You smirked as your head tilted towards the floor. Once the doors of the elevator finally opened again, you were all able to walk out and make your way down the corridor in order to reach the rooms.

Though, being in desperate need of a distraction and some alone time away from the two arguing brothers, you suddenly stopped in your track. “I think I’m going to make a stop at the bar. I won’t be long.” You affirmed awkwardly, earning a simple nod from the blonde god which allowed you to turn back around and disappear from their sight within a short minute. Thor didn’t worry about your safety, being aware that you were fully able to defend yourself with the help of all of the amazing skills you had developed through your many asgardian educations.

[ ... ]

About two hours later, you found yourself stumbling through the empty corridor which was meant to lead you to your room. However, the beverage which flowed through your veins caused your brain to behave slightly dizzy. Your eyesight was blurry, yet a couple of blinks were enough to make it all clear again but only for a few seconds. Upon arriving in front of the bedroom door you expected to be yours, your hand took ahold of the handle which you twisted before pushing open the door and creating an opening for you to walk in.

There was no form of light but the one which came from outside of the building- yet which remained muffled by the half transparent closed curtains. The entire room was plunged into darkness, and you therefore weren’t able to distinguish Loki’s sleeping silhouette underneath the bedsheets. The first thing you felt like doing was to remove your clothes from your body, the alcohol in your organism causing you to sweat in an uncomfortable manner. Besides, you weren’t used to the fabric of those misgardian shirts and jeans- which only led you to want to remove them even more.

Throwing your shirt towards the bed, the piece of clothing landed onto Loki’s face which immediately caused him to frown out of confusion. He reacted slowly, hand reaching up for his head from underneath the bedsheets before he dragged the shirt off his face. Meanwhile you continued to undress, taking off every single piece of clothing which once hid your body as Loki attempted to sit up straighter in order to speak up about the situation. Unfortunately, his parting lips were forced to go silent as your panties landed against his face, his eyelids shutting close out of pure instinct.

A tired sigh escaped his lips as he dragged your underwear off his tired features. Though his now fully awake eyes admired your body, his head tilting as he started to wonder when you would finally notice his presence. Meanwhile, you were finally able to slip underneath the covers as a gentle hum escaped your lips. The sensation of the covers over your silhouette and the mattress underneath your body felt absolutely orgasmic; your tired brain looking forward for a good night of rest.

However, the unexpected sensation of someone else’s warmth against your arm caused your eyebrows to frown out of confusion. Looking up from the pillow as your eyelids moved open, a yelp escaped your lips as your orbs landed onto the sight of Loki mischievously grinning at you. Nearly falling off the bed, you managed to catch the bedsheets right in time whilst your other arm reached out for the bedside lamp. You turned on the light, distressed eyes scanning Loki’s now chuckling features.

“What are you doing in my room?!” You asked him in a defensive manner, using the bedsheets in order to hide your naked body. The demigod frowned. “This is my room.” He responded on an offended tone, the two of you entering a processus of pure confusion regarding this satiric situation. Your eyes diverted towards the corner of the room, spotting his infamous black suit which rested onto a chair and which was previously worn by the demigod himself. Awkwardly, you began to realize that the god of mischief might have been right : this was indeed his room which you had mistaken for yours.

“Oh..” you spoke, admitting that you were in the wrong which caused a smile to appear on Loki’s face. The presence of light in the room now allowed you to notice that he was naked himself, a blush spreading over your face which the black haired man didn’t fail to notice. You were suddenly pulled out of your daydream by the loud sound of someone banging against the nearby wall, Thor’s deep voice soon echoing through the thick material of the building. “Hey! Cut it off.” He ordered, seemingly not appreciating to be awoken at night by the two accomplices.

Loki simply rolled his eyes, remaining unbothered face to his brother’s futile threats. Instead, his mind decided to focus onto something way more interesting which was the opportunity of engaging something lustful with you. Biting down onto his bottom lip, he watched as you dragged the sheets a little further up onto your naked chest. To be frankly honest, your fake modesty only enhanced his secretive desires. “Oh come on.” He purred seductively, hand slowly moving up to yours before he started to lower the covers in order to expose your upper body to his sight.

Even if he had the worst reputation, you tended to trust Loki with your life as you’ve known him since forever. Therefore, you accepted to lower the sheets and expose your bare chest to him. His blue eyes watched with admiration, his fingers cautiously dipping into your soft mound and causing the squishy flesh to wiggle. Your breath itched due to this unexpected physical contact, yet you managed to appreciate every single second of it.

Being aware that he had your consent, Loki then wrapped his strong arms around you naked body and forcefully pulled your silhouette close to his- your respective legs interlocking as your own arms wrapped around his muscular back. You absolutely melted into this new source of warmth, appreciating how soothing his smooth skin felt against yours. You were now able to feel his hardening genitals brush against your entrance, tip colliding with your moist lips which instinctively parted for his hardness. Loki allowed a guttural groan to escape his lips, face tilted downwards towards yours as he observed the way your facial features grimaced out of pleasure.

Your forehead was soon to rest against the crook of his warm neck, his hips grinding against yours in order to engage intercourse in the smoothest way possible. His lips started to spray kisses against your neck, causing your genitals to throb out of envy as the two of you tried your best to remain as silent as possible even tho the natural lust which filled your respective organisms held you back from being completely discreet. Your knee now moved up to his hip, allowing your core to spread open for Loki to receive easier access to your entrance.

“Allow me, if you please, to take possession of your body.” He begged, large hands roaming your back in a loving manner. You shivered as you understood his request, body turning around so that your bum was now facing his crotch. Lifting your left knee to your chest, Loki’s hands took ahold of your hips as his member aligned with your drippy entrance. You moaned silently, bum lifting against his pelvis in an attempt to sit down onto his cock on your own. Thankfully, the demigod took the initiative to push things himself by sliding his hardness inside of your throbbing cunt.

Feeling his bare member penetrate you easily led you to moan, legs spreading in the air as your knees moved up to your chest. Loki began to move his hips back and forth, veins appearing onto his neck as he focused on properly moving in and out of you. This position required a lot of efforts from your partner, yet it felt absolutely nice to you- his tip brushing against every single one of your sensitive spots. Loki’s abdomen remained contracted, winces and hisses escaping his lips as his veiny hands remained locked against your hips.

“Ah- fuck..” you whimpered sensitively, eyelids shutting close due to the undeniable amount of pleasure which filled your body the more your sexual partner thrusted in and out of your tight and clenching hole. Those unwilling mannerisms caused Loki’s shaft to twitch, his tip repetitively hitting your cervix as warm precum dripped from his sensitive urethra- mixing up with your own natural lubricants. The man’s lips collided with your neck, biting and kissing your skin with the help of all the lust which lurked within his body.

Your hand moved back to grip onto his neck, cheek rubbing against Loki’s as his eyebrows raised in that one infamous way of his. Soft pants now exited his parted lips, thrusts getting sloppier as your friend now began to have a hard time keeping up the pace. The kisses he offered your skin weren’t so lustful anymore, but mainly filled of all the love he was never able to properly offer to anyone before. This boy lacked physical and mental attention, which you hadn’t failed to notice through the many years spent in his mischievous company.

And finally, his hips locked against yours as his balls twitched, shaft throbbing as warm and sticky cum was expelled from his urethra. Moaning sensitively, you accompanied his musical rythme by allowing your own whimpers to exit your lips. His hands moved away from your hips, strong arms now wrapping around your waist to make sure you wouldn’t unexpectedly decide to break the physical contact- something that absolutely never crossed your mind. In fact, all you could think about was how nice this moment felt. So why would you ever decide to put it to an end?

Unfortunately, every nice things had an end, the intercourses ending when Loki pulled out of your cunt and allowed his cum to drip out of your entrance. Falling onto his back, he panted tiredly whilst your own self laid down onto your back, hand reaching down for his and allowing your digits to interlock with his larger ones. Sensing this new physical contact, his head turned towards yours, sad eyes staring into your soul. For a moment, he was able to feel your pain as you felt his.

I hope you enjoyed. Don’t hesitate to leave a request! ❤️ have a good evening/day my loves. Requested tag : @delightfulheartdream

[blossomingimagines]

Of A Broken Heart

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Stark!Reader

Word Count: 5,339

Summary: You never thought you would see her again. Never thought you would feel your heart skip a beat because of her emerald green gaze again. Never thought that you would let her back in. You also never thought that you would have to think about planning your brother’s funeral either. (Set after and during (sort of) Infinity War.)

Notes: Everyone requested a second part of Requiem... so I thought I would make one. I hope that you all like it. (Also the reader was under the assumption that Tony had returned. She wasn’t aware that Tony wouldn’t have a way back.)

Tag List: @username23345 // @stephanieromanoff // @ima-gi--na-tion // @chickenhavewisdom // @hi-i-1​ (I’m not sure if some of you wanted to be tagged but you mentioned a part two in Requiem... so I thought I would do so just in case.)

Warnings: Mentions of alcoholism. 

Your gaze was leveled with the sky. Tracing over the sparkling stars and the distant worlds dotted between. Worlds that you would never be able to make out with your naked eye. Even though you knew that they were there all the same.

Was Tony on one of them? Your mind cries out. Tears coming unbidden to your eyes as you tried to quell the incoming sobs. Was he all right? Was he already dead?

The thoughts were familiar to you. Looping constantly within your head like a taunt. Images of your brother’s dead body flashing across your mind. Hollow brown eyes, normally filled with so much life, staring into your own. Never to have the same spark again. To have mischief lurking within their depths as various emotions played through his brilliant mind. 

Clenching your hands against the railing you were leaning against, you lower your head as you take in deep breaths. Ever since Tony had disappeared with the ship you had been left in an almost fugue state. Barely being able to interact with anyone. Barely allowing yourself the pleasures of living. 

Eating had become a challenge because Tony could potentially not be doing the same. How could you possibly enjoy your meal if Tony was starving? How could you allow yourself the simple pleasures of Earth if Tony was suffering away from it? Away from you. 

The thought of Tony truly being gone hadn’t fully set in. You had dealt with this before. Had lived with the knowledge that Tony could be lost to you. Afghanistan had been hell for you and for everyone that loved Tony. You hadn’t given up hope that he would be found. That your big brother, the only family you had left, would be returning to you. 

You had less hope now. At least when Tony had disappeared in Afghanistan he had still been on Earth. Now you didn’t know what galaxy he was in… let alone the planet.  His absence became more and more obvious the longer it went on. The days slipping past you like water through your fingers. The knowledge that Tony may truly be gone this time crushing you. 

It didn’t help that you were surrounded by the people that hurt you the most. The people that you thought were your family but ended up being your biggest heartache. Closing your eyes once more, you crane your neck back. And even if you couldn’t see the stars you knew where you were looking. You had long since memorized the layout of the sky above your terrace in the Compound. It wasn’t the Tower but you didn’t think you could bear to set foot in it. Not without Tony being there to greet you. 

You could hear the distant murmur of voices beneath you. No doubt the others trying to figure out what to do. The sound causes yet another stab of pain to lance through your heart. While you wouldn’t wish what had happened on your greatest enemy, you couldn’t understand how they survived when Tony didn’t. How they could be using the things he made for them after everything they had done. Didn’t understand why you had to see them every day and not Tony. 

You still remember, with perfect clarity, seeing them again after so long. Remember seeing her again after everything. 

You wished that your heart didn’t still react the way it did. 

Stepping off of the QuinJet, you pull your jacket tighter against your body. Your eyes taking in the various faces as you went. Desperately searching for something familiar to ground you. You needed something to make sense. You needed to have someone you love be okay. 

Spotting a familiar face, you break out into a run. Relief interlacing itself within your shout. “Wombat!”

At your yell, Rhodey whips around and pure relief flashes across his face. His arms are already opening for you as you barrel into him. Burrowing against him as you clung as tightly as you could. 

“You’re okay,” you choke out with tears falling from your eyes. “You’re okay.”

Rhodey’s arms tighten around you at your choked statements. The pain he was holding back showcasing itself within the shaking of his arms. By the way, he followed every minute movement of your body as you shifted in his embrace. Finally, after a few moments, you take a small step back. Making sure that you maintained eye contact with him through it all. You needed him in your sights at all times. You don’t know what you would do if he disappeared too. 

His pained gaze flits to various points behind you. His throat bobbing up and down as he tried to form his question. “Di-” He clears his throat. “Did Pepper make it?”

You nod. “She’s on her way now.”

Rhodey hums but his gaze still hadn’t returned to yours. Causing your own to narrow as worry started to fill your chest. “Rhodey.” You wait for him to turn back towards you. Even if his gaze wouldn’t stay solely on your own for long. “What’s wrong?”

He shakes his head but doesn’t offer an answer. Something that only causes your worry to grow that much more. Rhodey had made it his life's work to deliver the hard truths to family. You didn’t want to think of what this meant that he wasn’t able to tell you. 

Stepping closer, you place a light hand on his chest. “Rhodey,” you implore gently. “What happened?”

There’s a tense silence until he finally meets your gaze. Tears finally begin to fall from his eyes as a pained sound escapes his mouth. “Sam.”

He didn’t have to say anything else for you to understand. You had already seen so many people you knew crumble before your eyes. Seen innocent bystanders disappear with the breeze as their remaining family watched in shock. The screams for help and the mournful howls of grief following soon after. New York City quickly became a desolate wasteland of what it used to be. The City That Never Slept growing quiet. 

Wrapping your arms around Rhodey, you offer him another hug. There were no words that you could say that could take away his pain. No words that would ever make the grief go away. That would ever erase the image of ashen faces crumbling against the wind. Faces of loved ones, of people you didn’t even know, forever seared into your brain. 

Raising your head, you meet Rhodey’s gaze once more. A small frown furrowing your brow. 

“Where’s Tony?”

“We’ll have to take another jet to scope the area for more survivors. I thi-”

Whatever was going to be said was immediately interrupted by your entrance. Not that you cared for anything he had to say. Your gaze honing in on his baby blue one as you made your way towards him. While he didn’t look the same you could still see the self-righteous asshole underneath. Something that caused your anger to grow even more. 

You didn’t notice the other occupants of the room. Didn’t notice the way pained green eyes followed your every move-- even though there was worry interlacing the expression. Didn’t notice anything except for Steven Fucking Rogers. 

Even the splitting pain that erupted across your hand as you punched him did little to detract from your anger. All you could feel was your pain. Your grief at what had happened. No amount of physical pain could ever measure up to your emotional trauma. 

“You asshole,” you snarl. “This is exactly what Tony was afraid of. This is exactly what he tried to protect the world from.”

Steve didn’t make any move to protect himself from your shoves. His blue gaze turning sad; almost remorseful. 

“I know, Y/N.” He turns his head away as shame colors his face. “I know that this is what Tony was afraid of.”

“Don’t you dare say his fucking name like you’re still his friend. Don’t you dare act like what you did didn’t happen.” You scoff as you take a step back from him. Your gaze finally looping the room for the first time. Only briefly pausing over Natasha’s silent form. Hating the relief that flared through your body at the sight of her. An emotion that you were sure crossed your face by the way something shifted in her gaze. By the way, her stance loosened ever-so-slightly. Turning away from her, you meet Steve’s gaze once more. “Tony knew this was going to happen. It’s why he fought so fucking hard for the Accords. Why he fought so hard to keep the team together.”

Anger finally graces Steve’s face at your words. “The Accords were going to treat us as servants, Y/N. There was no way we could sign them.”

An incredulous laugh falls from your lips at your words. “This isn’t the forties, Rogers. You can’t just do whatever the hell you want and expect to get away with it. There have to be limitations on what people with your abilities are allowed to do.” You shake your head as you turn your back on him. Moving towards the door. “Tony was going to fight for your rights. He wasn’t going to let your humanity be stripped from you. But there had to be fail-safes in place to protect the innocent people of Earth.” You shoot him a glance over your shoulder. Withering with its intensity-- with your anger. “Or is one person truly worth more than the millions of lives you destroyed? Or the billions, maybe even trillions, that are now gone because you couldn’t see past your loyalty to him?”

“This isn’t my fault, Y/N.” Steve replies. “This is because of Thanos. He is the one we have to stop.”

A small smile quirks your lips at that. “Still the idealist I see.” You shake your head. “We all made mistakes, Rogers. Could have done things in a different manner. But never forget that you were the one that split the team-up. That you were the one that decided Barnes’s life was worth more than everyone else's.” You chance one more glance towards Steve. Your eyes are sympathetic because you already knew what happened to him. “I’m sorry for your loss. No one deserves to see their loved ones perish like that.”

Even though it’s better than not knowing...

Moving closer towards the door, you place a gentle hand against the wooden surface. Your gaze turning somber as you meet Natasha’s gaze once more. Maintaining eye contact even though you were speaking to the room as a whole. “Maybe the people we should have been protecting the Earth from were you.”

You don’t wait for a response as you’re already gone. The thunderous echo of the door slamming behind you being all that was left of your presence. 

You find Thor outside with an anthropomorphic raccoon. Something that barely causes you to pause as you settle down beside the god. Your gaze remains level with the horizon even as you felt Thor’s gaze on your face. His electric blue eyes like a weight against your skin. 

His deep rumbling voice soon breaks the silence. “Y/N.”

“Thor.”

A silence settles over the three of you. Your gaze never wavering from the setting sun. The silent fields rolling with the wind. A hollowness exuding from the world that left your stomach churning with nausea.

“Is the Man of Iron, all right?” Thor breaks the silence once more. His deep voice is uncharacteristically soft. “I haven’t seen him.”

At the question, your mouth thins into a line. Finally breaking your gaze with the horizon as you met Thor’s. “Tony isn’t here, Thor.”

The revelation causes Thor to reel back. His shock etching itself across his features. “Friend Stark was dusted?”

You shake your head; trying to ignore the pain that struck your chest at the very thought. “No, Thor. He went after Thanos with Peter.”

The God of Thunder’s brow furrows. “So you do not know if he lives?”

You shake your head once more. “No, Thor. I don’t know if Tony is alive or not. I may never know what has happened to him.”

There’s another moment of silence before another voice speaks up. Your gaze shifting towards the raccoons. Deep brown eyes, that reminded you so much of Tony, stare back at you. 

“He’ll be all right. If he’s in space then that means he’s run into my team.” His pointed snout looks back towards the sky with a hint of longing across his face. “They’ll take good care of him.”

At his words, a breath of relief falls from your lips. Your shoulders loosen at the sheer confidence within the raccoon's tone. That is until Thor interjected once more. 

“But what if they were dusted too, Rocket?’

There was no answer. Only the silence of the world, a world that would never be the same, settling over the three of you. Your eyes once again returning towards the sky. 

All with different levels of longing interlaced within.

Staying in Wakanda was stifling. While it was a beautiful country with astonishing marvels, you couldn’t help but be weighed down by everything. From the silent grief that permeated the air because T’Challa was gone. To the dark looks directed towards the sky whenever an airship flew overhead. Not to mention being surrounded by Rogers and his team. 

Pepper’s arrival was like a breath of fresh air. You weren’t sure you were still capable of smiling, with true joy, before she appeared. Her bright blue eyes meet your gaze across the yard. Her own bright smile, with unshed tears filling her gaze, appearing as she rushed towards you. Her slim arms wrapping around you in a tight embrace. The familiar floral scent of her perfume calming you. 

You hadn’t been around when Pepper had seen Steve again. Hadn’t seen the colossal fallout that had occurred but you had definitely heard about it. Thor had been all too happy to tell you the tale of ‘Lady Potts decimating her star-spangled foe’. Something you were more than eager to hear. 

Which is how Pepper had found the two of you. Laughing over Thor’s depiction of events. Her own agitation quickly falling away at your joy. And, while it didn’t last long, you were thankful to Thor for allowing it to appear all the same. 

Returning to the United States, to New York City, was like stepping into a nightmare. At least while you were in Wakanda you could pretend that billions of people weren’t dead. That it hadn’t been something that affected half of the universe. Seeing the empty cars on the side of the road. The few people littering the street looking lost. Faces pale and emotionless as they shuffled aimlessly from place to place. 

It was a sight that you would never forget. Yet another thing that you were going to have nightmares about. 

The Compound wasn’t any better. Echoes of days long passed hitting you with full intensity as you made your way through the silent halls. The laughter that sounded so foreign to your ears now ghosting across your ears on a phantom breeze. Distant chattering that only seemed to fade the closer you got to it. Memories haunted the halls of the Compound. But nothing would ever be worse than the Tower. The place that you and Tony had built together. A great marvel that was forever placed within Manhattan's skyline. Knowing that he wouldn’t be there when you arrived caused you to stay away. 

You didn’t think you would be able to handle those memories. Of lazy Sunday afternoons lounging around in pajamas while Pepper was taking various calls. Tony doing his best to make her break away from her no-nonsense CEO facade. Only succeeding once before Pepper shot him a withering look that held no heat behind it. The sound of his laughter bouncing off the hallways as he cheated at Mario Kart. Your own expletives joined in soon after as you were hit, once again, with a shell. 

Knowing that the Compound did this to you; even though you rarely visited it. How could you possibly set foot in the Tower? The one place that had made you feel truly at home. 

Drinking helped ease the pain. Helped quiet the memories that kept surfacing as you stayed in the Compound. You know that it wouldn’t be what Tony wanted. That he never wanted you to have the problems he had, but as the days passed. As the pain, the grief, continued to grow, you found it harder and harder to resist the amber liquid. Tony wasn’t there anymore. He wasn’t there to tell you a joke when you were feeling low. He wasn’t there to tell you that he loved you in his own special way.

He wasn’t there.

So you settled for the numbness and the sound of his voice in the distance. Always there in a dark corner but never obtainable.

Anything would be better than not having him with you. 

On the second week of your stay in the Compound, the others appeared. The sound of the QuinJet only pulling your gaze towards the yard for a moment before you looked back down. You knew that they would be coming sooner or later. The world needed protectors. And they had just lost their greatest. The people of Earth needed to have someone to look towards. 

It was only a matter of time before they called on them. 

You didn’t even raise your gaze when you heard them enter. Their voices petering off when they noticed you sitting on one of the many couches with a StarkPad in hand. 

“You didn’t think I would just let you stay here by yourselves, did you?”

Your question was only met by silence. You were hoping that they didn’t question you on how you knew. That they didn’t notice the dark shadows under your eyes from lack of sleep. Or the empty decanter on the glass table before you. 

Steve was the one to respond. “We didn’t but I wasn’t aware it was going to be you, Y/N.”

Glancing up, you narrow your eyes. “Well, I’m the only Stark left so it shouldn’t be that much of a surprise, Rogers.”

You don’t wait for a response, suddenly finding it too hard to be in the same room as him, as you stand. Trying to ignore the way the room spun ever-so-slightly at the motion. Easily gathering your bearings as you made your way out of the room.

Trying to ignore the way an emerald green gaze watched you as you left. 

You weren’t surprised when she found you-- annoyed maybe but not surprised. Sometimes you hated that she knew you so well. Hated that she could still read you like a children's book. 

You didn’t bother to turn towards her as she stepped onto the terrace. Your gaze remains level with the horizon. Hoping, no matter how much it hurt, that you would see something. Anything. A single sign that Tony was coming back to you. That he was alive. 

Feeling her warm presence settle beside you should have caused you to tense. Should have caused you to move away at the closeness. It should have caused you to do a lot of things but you don’t. You simply stay rooted to the spot as Natasha leveled her gaze towards the side of your face. Her keen green eyes took in everything that she could see. 

You tried not to tense when her eyes flickered down towards your hands. Towards the glass that, by some miracle, hadn’t broken due to your tight grip. The amber liquid glowing softly underneath the moonlight. 

She doesn’t say anything for a long while. Simply standing with you underneath the moonlit sky. The only sound passing between you being your breathing. 

Until her husky voice finally breaks the silence. “He wouldn’t want you to do this to yourself, Y/N.”

You tense. “And how would you know what Tony wants Natalia?” 

You didn’t have to be looking at her to see the wince that you caused. Your own heart feeling heavy at your acidic retort. But, unlike most people, she didn’t shy away from your anger. She didn’t even seem to be fazed by it.

“Because, despite what you may think, I still consider you and Tony my family. I know how much Tony loves you, Y/N. I know how much you love him.” She grows silent for a moment before she continues. Her tone much softer than it was before. “And I know how much I love you.”

Your eyes slip shut at the quiet admission. A painful lurch of your heart telling you what you had been trying to ignore for the last two years. That you love Natasha Romanoff. That you always would… no matter what. 

“That’s not fair,” you whisper. Finally turning your gaze to meet hers. “You can’t just come back into my life after two years and say those things to me. You can’t just say you love me like it’s going to fix anything.”

Her eyes flash. Turning razor sharp before your eyes as she steps closer. “It could change everything, Y/N.” Emerald green implores you to listen to her. To actually hear and understand what she was trying to say. “I love you, Y/N Stark. You are the love of my life. You are the only love of my life. I hate myself for hurting you. For breaking us apart because I couldn’t see the bigger picture. You are the only woman that has ever made me feel cherished. The only person that has ever made me feel truly loved.”

You shake your head. “You left, Natasha.”

“Because you told me to,” Natasha cries. Her green gaze grew even brighter because of unshed tears. “Do you think I wouldn’t have stayed? That I wouldn’t have fought tooth and nail to keep you? That I wouldn’t have let this whole world burn if it meant I could be with you for one more moment? You told me to leave, Y/N. I had already broken enough that day. I wasn’t going to stay and break your heart even more.”

“And you think this time will be any different?” You ask with an incredulous frown pulling your brow down. “You think that I don’t have nightmares about my parents death? That I don’t see my mother being murdered while my father couldn’t do anything but watch? You think that I’m not haunted every single fucking day that the love of my life kept that from me. That you lied to my face about one of the single most important things in my life.” Moving away, after setting your glass down, you run a hand through your hair. Your mouth thinning into a line. “You don’t think I wanted you to stay too?”

At your admission, Natasha moves towards you. Her gaze desperate as she took your hand in hers. “This time I will, Y/N. I won’t let you go again. Doing so last time almost killed me. I promise that I won’t ever lie to you again.” She shakes her head as she takes another small step closer, her hand resting gently against your cheek. “I promise that I’ll love you the way you should be loved until our last dying breaths.”

Your eyes flutter shut at the touch. It had been too long since you had felt her. Felt the way her fingertips ran across your cheek. The simple elegance that she always exuded being interlaced with her love for you. But you couldn’t forget what had happened. Your heart lurching in your chest as you remember the sting of betrayal once more. 

Pulling away from her, you take a few steps back and fold your arms over your chest. You needed to have distance between your bodies. You wouldn’t be able to think clearly if she was near. 

“I need time to think, Natasha.” You finally say after a tense stare off. “I need to come to terms with a lot of things in my life.”

Nodding, Natasha takes a small step back. Even though it looked like everything in her body was telling her to move towards you. Her green gaze glowed with a gentle warmth. “I’ll wait for as long as you need, Y/N. I’ll be damned if I lose you again.” Turning away from you, Natasha pauses at the door. Her gaze meets yours once more with a small smile quirking her lips. “And, just so you know, I had nothing before I found this family. Before I found you.”

Then she was gone. Leaving only you and the echoing of her words behind. 

Now…

You haven't truly spoken to Natasha since the exchange. She had kept true to her word about waiting for you. Her gaze always finds yours the moment you enter a room she was in. Always making it clear that you could approach her whenever you wished to. Though she never forced her presence onto you. Maintaining a respectable distance from you at all times. Not far enough for you to not know she was there but not close enough for you to feel crowded. 

You had tried to come up with ways why you couldn’t let her back in. Her betrayal being the main factor but even you knew that it wasn’t valid any longer. Even Tony had told you to look past it. That Natasha was so head over heels for you that her reasons had been honorable. Severely misguided, maybe, but honorable. 

Oh, Tony, if you were here I wouldn’t feel so lost. You would just tell me what to do. Give me your patented smirk and berate me about my head being up my ass. Lowering your gaze, you run a frazzled hand through your hair. If I get one sign that you’re alright I’ll give her one more chance. I’ll make it work because I know that this is what the universe wants. That you returning to me is a sign that I’m supposed to be with Natasha. 

At your eternal declaration, you glance towards the sky. Hope fills your chest as you observe the moonlit sky. Only to quickly be crushed as the minutes ticked by and nothing happened. Your heart breaks even more in your chest at getting your hopes up. 

Stepping back from the railing, you decide that it would be best if you headed in. Maybe drown your sorrows with a few glasses of whiskey before turning in for the night. Pressing your hand against the smooth glass of the door, you have to squint at the sudden light from behind you. Your eyes barely being able to focus through the brilliant blaze. Glancing behind you, your eyes widen at the sight of a spaceship being placed down onto the ground. Your breath catching in your throat as you leapt into action. 

You didn’t even register your mad dash through the Compound. Didn’t notice the confused looks or the shouts of your name. Didn’t register the cold grass against your bare feet as you rushed across the lawn. All you could see was the spaceship. 

All you could see was the hatch opening and two figures exiting. 

All you could see was the exhausted face of your older brother. His dark brown eyes meet yours through the darkness. Relief flooding his expression as he hobbled towards you. Disconnecting from the blue arm that was keeping him steady. 

All you could register was the feeling of having him in your arms again. Your nose pressing into his neck as you clung to him. Soft sobs rip from your throat as his calloused hands gently run through your hair. 

“You’re alive.”

It was like a mantra that you brokenly repeated over and over again. Each time making it even more real that Tony was actually there with you. That he wasn’t gone. That you could still see, touch, and hear him.

His answering response never failed to bring more tears cascading down your cheeks. “I’m here.”

You could hear the others as they approached you. By the tensing of Tony in your arms you know that Rogers was at the front. Pulling back, you touch Tony’s face. A soft sob falling from your lips at how emaciated he looked.

Offering him a watery smile, your thumb gently rubbing against his cheek. “We’ll have to get some food for you. I don’t think the space diet suits you, Tones.”

He offers you a small smile in return. The familiar spark reigniting in his gaze before fading away. His next words came out in a dull whisper. “I lost the kid.”

You didn’t know what to say to that. Your own shock filled you as the devastation in Tony’s eyes became apparent. You had known for quite some time that Tony thought of Peter like a son. That Tony would do anything to keep him safe. You viewed Peter as a little brother you always wanted. A warm presence that filled your life with meaning once more. His childish antics brightening your day and bringing a smile to your face. Knowing that he was gone? That you would never hear his horrible jokes again? Or his anxious rambles? It broke your heart. For both losing Peter and for Tony having to witness it. 

“I’m sorry, Tony.” You shake your head. “He was a good kid.”

“Yeah he was.”

Opening your mouth, you’re about to respond but a shrill cry breaks through. “Tony!”

Turning, you could see Pepper rushing towards you both. Her blue gaze locked with Tony as she ran. Without thinking twice you move aside as Pepper takes your spot. Moving away to give her and Tony some privacy. Or however much one could get in an open lawn. 

Not realizing how close you were to the others, you flinch at the sudden presence at your side. Your gaze meeting Natasha’s. Her green gaze filled with warmth and happiness. A small smile quirking her lips as she observes the scene before her. Pepper’s strong hold on Tony not wavering in the slightest even as Rhodey appeared too. Both taking their turns in showering the genius with hugs. 

Shifting, your hand gently brushes the back of Natasha’s. Her eyes shifted towards yours for a moment before returning front and center. Biting your lip, you deliberate on what to do. As Natasha had clearly just given you the sign that the ball was in your court. That however you reacted to this situation would be all up to you. 

You could step away. Pretend like nothing had happened. That it had been a simple accident and nothing more.

Or you could take her hand and finally accept what your heart was screaming at you. What it had been trying to tell your stubborn mind for the last two years. That Natasha Romanoff was the love of your life and you were never going to find anyone like her. That despite all this tragedy you could learn how to be happy again because she was by your side. 

I did promise the universe, you muse with amusement dancing across your mind. And I don’t like breaking promises. 

So, without breaking eye contact with the scene in front of you, you take Natasha’s hand. Allowing a small smile to quirk your lips at the way she immediately interlaced her fingers with yours. Noticing the warm smile that was now curling her lips through your peripheral. 

Squeezing her hand, your heart leapt in your chest at the answering squeeze in response. Your body singing with happiness at having Natasha returned to you. 

Despite everything, despite all the hardships you would now have to face, you would be able to do so.

As long as you had Natasha by your side you could get through anything. 

And nothing would ever change that. 

[imarvelatthesight]

Spar

A/N: I’m trying to branch out to more Marvel characters :) let me know if I should start adding a fic summary

Summary: Reader fights Thor on Saakar.

Pairing: Thor Odinson x Avenger!Reader

Pronouns Used: Gender Neutral (They/Them)

Recommended Song: Tia Tamera by Doja Cat ft. Rico Nasty

Word Count: 1,578

Warnings: fighting, one mention of blood, reader has super strength and partial magical abilities, mention of alcohol, swearing, it’s kinda sad in places

   The day you had been brought to Sakaar had been possibly the worst day of your life. And that was truly saying something. Being in a relationship with a god-- never mind the fact that he was also an Avenger-- was a trick in itself. Trying to have a good relationship with his adopted brother? Well, that’s how you ended up in this mess. Get caught snooping around his room once and suddenly you’re on a different planet.

Your clothes were uncomfortably tight and the decorative paint on your face had you dying to itch it. Every week for the past two years you’d suffered this same treatment. Though, the fact that you had survived your rounds in the pit meant you were treated more well-off than others. A nice room, any alcoholic drink you could wish for (but because you were from Earth, more than a couple of sips would have you off your ass in moments). Even with all of your so-called luxuries, you felt empty. Why had no one come to rescue you? Did the Avengers even notice you were gone?

The door opening in front of you interrupted your thoughts. There was no time to think about anything else other than trying to survive. The roar of the crowd above you had your ears nearly ringing. “My champion!” You heard The Grandmaster announce. You burst out into the area, the crowd seemingly getting even louder. Before you had time to revel in the applause, one of the few advantages of your predicament, your eyes settled on your opponent. “Oh shit.”

“Yes!” The god of thunder boomed, excitement covering his face. Silence befell the crowd. Your features softened for a moment, happy to see your lover. You knew, however, you would not be able to express it. If you showed any fondness for each other it would surely compromise your life. “They’re my lover!” He threw his hand in the air, swinging his weapon up with it. “This is great, Y/N! I’ve been looking for you- Loki’s alive. Loki!” 

Your eyes snapped up to the god of mischief. You scowled. You could faintly see him gulp and mouth something. “Thor.” You turned back to him, leaning forward slightly. “If we don’t fight, they’ll kill us both.” 

“Nonsense, come with me and we’ll go-” Thor’s words were cut off by you grabbing him and flinging him away from you. His body slid through the dirt, a pained groan leaving him. The stands erupted with joy at the battle beginning. Thor jumped to his feet, brushing himself off. “Love, this is embarrassing! I told them we’re lovers!”

His words made you hesitate. You didn’t want to hurt Thor. But you couldn’t risk both of you dying. Someone would figure something out. Hopefully. You raised your hand and Thor’s weapon flew out of his grip, finding it’s home in your palm. The mace was in your hand for a fraction of a second before you flung it back at your partner.  Your eyes clamped shut, not wishing to see if it struck him. After a few seconds you opened them and watched as Thor caught the mace and swung it back in your direction. Quickly, you raised your hands in an attempt to catch it again, but the tip of the mace nicked your cheek. You dropped the weapon, your thumb sliding over the wound to collect the blood from it. 

Your feet carried your body with agility as you leapt through the air. Thor threw a swift punch to your abdomen, throwing your frame into the wall where it dented from the force you landed with. Fuck, that hurt. A collective gasp filled the arena. 

The sound of quick footprints coming closer caused you to groan and assume a pleading position with your hand outstretched in front of your face. “Y/N, sweetheart?” You lifted your head, watching as Thor crouched to your level and extended a hand to you. “It’s alright. I won’t hurt you anymore. No one will.” The god of thunder cooed. Timidly, you reached out to him. “There you go, c’mere darling.” He smiled and pulled you into a hug, practically purring.

You melted into the contact. You were home. Anywhere with Thor was home. But part of you couldn’t resist looking up to where The Grandmaster sat. A frown soured his expression, Loki bouncing his leg at the opposite end of the couch. “Shit.” You whispered, though your Asgardian boyfriend didn’t notice as he placed a tender kiss to your forehead. The crowd was growing restless. Reluctantly, you pulled out of his hold. You grabbed his biceps, mentally admiring the way the muscle rippled under your touch, and lifted him in the air--using both your strength and your magic to assist-- before slamming him into the ground again. 

Your fists found purchase on his face, tears filling your eyes and a scream tearing through your throat. To the crowd, it was a war cry. To you, a plea of mercy to whatever higher being was listening, and a shriek of forgiveness from Thor. The god laid there, your punches landing blow after blow on his cheeks. Within moments, his body and eyes flowed with electricity, and he returned your action, the lightning launching your body into the air and backwards, where your head made contact with the loose dirt. 

Both astonishment and horror ebbed through you at the sight of Thor, covered in lightning, walking in your direction with purpose. You thought to do the same move you’d tried previously and leap at him. Only this time, he copied your movement and delivered an uppercut to your jaw. The sonic boom that erupted from Thor’s fist had your ears feel as if they were bleeding. Luckily, you’d managed to gather your bearings and land in a three-point stance. As Thor paced toward you, blue flashes decorating his muscles and dancing from his fingertips, he suddenly began to convulse and fell on his side. “Thor!” You cried, falling on your knees beside him. 

Your gaze shot to the large window again. The Grandmaster slid his finger back on a device and Thor stopped twitching. Of course. He couldn’t afford to lose. You stroked your lovers face. His hand covered yours. “My love, I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t want to hurt you.”

He chuckled. “It was quite a fight you put up. I’m sure Tony would have liked to see.” 

“We’ll tell him when we get back to earth.” You muttered. As Thor went to speak again, he started shaking again, the veins on his face darkening. Mere seconds later, an electric jolt shot through you and your consciousness slipped away.

When you awoke, it was with panic. You recognized the room as the one you’d been forced to stay in for so long now. You groaned and attempted to roll over, being stopped by the weight of another person. Your breath hitched and you tried to move away, only for an arm to be wrapped around you and pulling you closer, a deep sigh escaping the person.

“My love.” Thor rasped out as you flipped over to face him. He playfully rubbed his beard against your jaw. His contentedness left as his hand gently grasped your face, his thumb moving over the scratch on your face. “Oh, Y/N. I wish this had never happened. I’m sorry it has taken me so long to find you.”

You turned your head and placed a kiss on his palm. “A few years is quite a long time.” You agreed.

“Years? You’ve only been gone for a week, dove.” He cocked an eyebrow at you. “Though according to Loki, time does move quite differently here.”

You rolled your eyes. “Ugh, Loki. That fool is the reason I’m here in the first place.” You snuggled into Thor’s chest and he pulled his arms tighter around you like you would disappear. “I want to go home, Thor. I want to listen to Steve complain, and I want to watch TV with Wanda, and I want out of these stupid devices-” You barely noticed the sobs leaving you as you tugged on the technology implanted on your neck.

Thor took your face in his hands. “We will get out of here, sweetheart. I will be sure of it. And Loki will right his wrongs, I swear it.” He kissed you softly. You nodded, silently acknowledging his words. “I love you, Y/N L/N.” Another kiss. “The light of my life.” Another. 

You held back a laugh in favor of burying your face in the crook of his neck. “Stop, you big sap. I love you, Thor Odinson.” You suddenly pulled away with wide eyes. Thor only smiled in confusion. “Valkyrie! She and I get along quite well, she’ll help us. I know it!”

Footsteps from down the hall had Thor scrambling out of the bed, standing politely with his hands folded. You rushed to the door, where Valkyrie nodded in you greeting. “Y/N. It was quite shocking to learn that you are romantically engaged with our lord of thunder here.” She motioned with her hand.

“It’s god of thunder, actually-”

“We must get to training, Y/N. You two can kiss it up later.” She looped her arm through yours. You cast a look over your shoulder at Thor, who gave you an enthusiastic thumbs up. 

“So, Val, I must discuss a proposition with you...”

“Does it involve drink?”

“It can.”

“I’m listening.”

[galaxywhump]

Warmth

For @whumpmasinjuly, day 12!

Timeline: set after Scars + Collared.

cw: slavery whump, forced relationship, creepy/intimate whumper, defiant whumpee, forced domesticity, referenced noncon, nudity mention, suicidal ideation, discussion of drowning, referenced animal attack, alcohol mention.

~~~

It’s always warm on SV-240.

They’re near the equator, Daniel explained once, the only part of the planet able to sustain so much flora and fauna - and human life.

Wren can’t help but bitterly wish Daniel had crashed anywhere else, the lucky bastard.

There are no seasons, just temperatures fluctuating from pleasantly warm to unbearably hot, occasionally dropping to where they need to wear long-sleeved shirts outdoors; but there’s no winter, no snow, no chilly wind, and even the rain is lukewarm. Adds to the atmosphere of permanent summer vacation that Daniel enjoys so much, Wren supposes, wiping his forehead, his gaze fixed on the ground as he tries not to trip and fall on a terrain that he, unlike his captor, isn’t used to.

It’s one of the unbearably hot days, and they’re both exhausted after working in the garden in the early morning; the crops had to be harvested and watered, and the heatwave has been going on for a few days already, so waiting for it to end was too much of a gamble. Afterwards they tried to escape the heat by hiding back in the house, which didn’t offer much relief with how hot and stuffy the air was, and opening the windows did the opposite of helping. 

“I have an idea”, Daniel said after a few minutes of miserably sipping on iced tea for a sliver of relief. “But we’ll have to walk for a while.”

At least this time it seemed unlikely that the idea would involve torture. Small mercies.

And so they’re walking through the forest, still and almost quiet, as if all the alien creatures have been defeated by the weather, forced to retreat into their lairs and burrows. Trying to find a bright side to the unbearable heat, Wren hopes that the predators are too lazy to hunt too; he remembers the attack, the creature biting into his leg and trying to drag him away, all too well. Daniel knows the planet, though, and has a weapon at hand just in case - a weapon that, Wren notes with silent resignation, can only be activated by him. Of course. It would be too beautiful otherwise.

“Almost there, sweetheart”, Daniel informs, and mere moments later they reach their destination.

It’s a small lake, closer to a pond, really, with impossibly turquoise water, like a kitschy postcard saturated to the extreme - but it’s real, surrounded by lush flora, with flowers (at least Wren chooses to believe they’re flowers) of vivid colors bobbing on the surface. 

For just a moment Wren allows himself to be enamored with the view, with the underlying beauty of his prison, as rotten as his captor has made it.

Daniel exhales with contentment and throws his backpack aside.

“There’s nothing dangerous here”, he says, taking his shirt off. Other than you, Wren thinks, but keeps the thought to himself. “And the water should be cool.”

It is, Wren discovers with relief when he crouches down on the edge of the lake and dips his hand in it. The water is crystal clear when he takes some in his cupped hands, and splashing some in his face is the best feeling he’s experienced in a while. He sits down on the damp sand and takes a deep breath, closer to feeling at peace than he has been in ages.

“Come on”, he hears and turns his head to the side to look at Daniel, the illusion immediately shattered. “There are swim trunks for you in the backpack. Oh, there’s some beer and tea in there too, put it in the water so it can chill.”

“Sure”, Wren sighs, slowly getting up.

Orders are infuriating, no matter how casual and innocuous they are, but at least they’re sobering. He wants to enjoy this day at the lake as much as he can, as long as Daniel doesn’t try anything, but he can’t let himself forget that he’s here against his will, that he’s a captive, even if he’s not restrained, in the middle of a forest that he could try to hide in if it wasn’t for the tracker under his skin.

I’m always restrained one way or another. Even if he wants me to believe otherwise.

He changes into the swim trunks as fast as possible while Daniel has his back turned. Sure, he’s already seen everything there is to see, but if Wren’s given an opportunity to avoid being naked in front of him, he’s glad to take it. He nests the bottles in the soft sand, making sure they’ll stay put, and then, opting against the rational option of slowly getting his overheated body used to the chilly water, he takes a plunge.

The cold knocks the air out of his lungs and paralyzes him for a split second, thousands of microscopic freezing needles pierce his body, but the shock is gone as fast as it appeared, and he relaxes, opening his eyes and watching air bubbles rise to the surface. He feels weightless, slowly moving his hands in a steady motion to stay underwater, and he shakes his head and smiles at the feeling of his hair flowing through the water. 

He could stay down here forever.

He could.

Suddenly he feels heavier as the thought appears in his mind, echoing the one burdening him on that nightmarish day, when he was staring at the wall, wanting nothing more than to take the plunge and never emerge. And now he’s here. He could inhale the perfect water, let it fill his lungs, close his eyes and finally be free.

It would be easy, and it’s so tempting, but...

Not like this. I can’t die here.

Expelling the last bit of air he has, he pushes himself off the bottom and swims up to the surface. 

“Thought I’d have to rescue you there”, Daniel comments when Wren emerges and takes a big gulp of air. “I never asked if you can swim, did I?”

“You didn’t”, Wren replies, drifting away a bit to discreetly put some distance between him and Daniel. “But don’t worry, you won’t have to play the lifeguard.”

He regrets his words as soon as he sees Daniel’s smirk.

“So I’ll miss out on mouth-to-mouth breathing?” He laughs when Wren groans. “Just kidding, sweetheart.”

Wren rolls his eyes and disappears underwater again, escaping from Daniel’s voice into silence. He sits cross-legged on the bottom with his eyes closed, submerges himself in the cold, and with how different it is from the warmth of the planet he lets his mind carry him to Earth, to the chill of winter he only now realizes he misses so much it hurts.

 ~~~

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[honesthammie]

Prompt 39: Death wants you to be terrified. But the scariest thing is wanting death.

13th Doctor x female curvy reader

Warnings: mentions of suicidal thoughts, alcohol and drug abuse, domestic abuse, fat phobia

I'm sorry for this. Its really depressing and I've been hesitant on letting you guys see it but I kinda like how it's written. I've made the abuser gender neutral as females can also be abusive. I promise the next one will be much happier!

"Come on (y/n), you can make it! Just jump across and reach for my hand. I promise you won't fall." The Doctors voice echoes across the widening canyon. If you looked down, you would only see pitch black. You didn't know how long you'd fall. Maybe this would be the perfect time to just go for it. Its not like you'd matter, you're only slowing the team down as is.

They wouldn't even be in this mess if you didn't slip and hit the world shattering drill, turning it on full blast. Unfortunately, you smashed the button making it unable to turn it off. Of course the only way you'd be able to turn it off is to actually go towards it. Everyone in the room screamed at you and some raised their tentacles to attack you if the Doctor didn't step in front of you. You know the Doctor noticed you flinching and your eyes gloss over and noticed you bracing for the impact.

You learned over the years to just accept your fate. You can't run from anyone when you weighed this much. You couldn't hide either, which often left you to just accept what was coming and hope nothing broke. Bruises were always easy to cover and so were any cuts but broken bones, that was always on display and you'd have to break your number one rule: never lie. You hated lying. The truth always comes out anyway so why hide it? If you hide it, you get punished worse anyway so why bother?

If you jumped and actually went with the team, you'd get questioned about earlier and about hesitating at jumping. But if you fell, would the Doctor miss you? As much as you hated to admit it, you were absolutely in love with the adorable alien. Why did you hate to admit it? Because she was a goddess and you were a waste of skin and bones. You weren't skinny and you didn't fit in with the team at all. You were only here out of pity.

You remember when you first met the team. You were the only person alive when they searched underneath the hotel. Even the spiders didn't want you. You were at the hotel because you heard about killer spiders and you wanted an out. You could never do it or something would come up stopping you from ending all your misery. You were the complete opposite of the Doctor. She was so brave and said whatever she wanted and didn't really care for the consequences.

You focused on the Doctors sparkling eyes. Despite the situation, she still sparkled with hope and encouragement. She wasn't upset with you. You really wished she was. This would be such an easier decision to make. Your head was pounding and your heart was going faster than her two hearts. Did you even want her upset? You couldn't tell, your head was spinning wildly, one thought going to another without a chance to process the last one.

You had come to a clear decision. You ran back and let momentum do its thing as your feet left the muddy gravel. You felt so free as you glided in the air for a few seconds. It was the most beautiful feeling. No punishment, no tears before going to sleep and no terror of going back home. Just you and gravity.

Then with a clearer mind you regretted your choice. You were horrified. You weren't ready. It wasn't time yet. Graham can't lose you. He'd only recently lost his wife. He'd feel the same as you and that thought terrified you. He'd survived cancer and gained himself a new family. He can't be like you. Ryan needed him, wether he was willing to admit that or not.

Suddenly you panicked and last minute reached your hand out hoping you'd grab something. Anything. You felt a soft warm object and latched on for dear life. You were then lifted up and onto soil. You focused on your breathing a moment and waited for your heart to calm down. You looked up and saw what, or rather who, saved you. You shouldn't have been so surprised to see the Doctors worried face above yours. She gave you a questioning look, knowing the question, you nodded your head and she straightened herself and helped you up.

"That was great (n/n)! So brave of you! Let's go gang, we've gotta turn this drill off before it splits the planet in half!" She shouted as she ran forward, seemingly knowing the way. She didn't let go of your hand until you reached the drill about 10 minutes later. You couldn't help the blushthat formed on your cheeks. The Doctor quickly opened a panel on the side of the drill.

The drill was massive, bigger than the Eiffel Tower and that what was on surface level, it went down much deeper that it had reached halfway to the liquid nitrogen that ran in this cold planet where our magma centre would be. The drill itself was purple and spherical. The panel box was the size of a human head which was about the size of the civilisations sucker pads. Inside were 3 buttons and 1 lever. You needed to type the pattern that would gain the access to the drill and force stop. If it goes wrong, it speeds up rendering this planet uninhabitable.

You watched as the Doctor quickly typed the pattern in. Red,blue,red,red,red,blue,black,black,blue. That was the pattern she quickly pressed in and held the lever down for 10 seconds. Soon the drill came to a halt and the planet was peaceful once again. You all let out a sigh of relief as it stopped.

You made your way back to the chief of the race and explained that they should dismantle and never use that drill again unless they plan to empty the panet of everything it has within. He quickly agreed and the fam made their way back to the TARDIS.

As soon as tye TARDIS was parked on the edge of your solar system, you got into your comfy clothes ready to nap or maybe play a few games to slow your adrenaline until you were tired enough for a full nights rest. You played a few rounds of uno and some poker where you used some bits of metal instead of chips. Eventually everyone had left except you and the Doctor.

You made your way to the doors of the ship and settled down just watching the stars in front of you. If the sentient machine hadn't already been aware of your darkest thought, you would have jumped out there and been amongst them. Just floating eventually turning to nothing but bones drifting, maybe to never be found. All the sights you've seen and yet this is where you were the most impressed. This was your home, your galaxy and because of all the light pollution, you had never been fully aware of how many neighbours you had because you had been literally blind. This was only stuff captured and faked and now, it's forever in your mind.

You heard movement and a shuffle next you. You knew who it was because she was the only other person awake and you knew she was going to ask and not let it drop until you tell her truth. And you were going to give her it but that doesn't mean you were ready to do so but you had to, someone had to know. Maybe you wanted help or maybe just someone to listen and know everything making you mentally naked in front of them.

The Doctor waited a few moments. She was figuring out how to word it without sounding horrible. "Is everything alright at home?" She asked her voice laced with genuine concern. "Sorry if this sounds a bit abrupt but let me explain. You've been really weird lately. You hardly speak and when you its with as few words as possible, you keep going elsewhere mentally and Rassilion forbid anyone getting angry with you! I also noticed how you hesitated today when jumping and I saw your worry and panic when you jumped. I think I know but I can't help you if you don't at least tell me what is going on! And don't change the subject or anything, just answer me please. I lo-. I can't lose you too." Her voice raised a little as she panicked just speaking about it. Halfway through she grabbed both of your hands and continued her speech.

You looked deep into her eyes for any sign of a lie but there wasn't one. Just like at the canyon, her eyes showed nothing but love. Maybe you should tell her, just her. No Yaz, no Graham and no Ryan. Just you, The Doctor and the TARDIS. You looked away for a moment as you collected your thoughts. However, as you opened your mouth and tried to speak, you found no voice. You couldn't tell her about them. Lord knows what she's capable of. But you've been looking for an out for so damn long. Maybe this is it. She's your out, no death involved.

You walked towards a panel in the console and pushed your hands inside and focused. You focused on the worst time it happened. You concentrated on the fear and everything attached. You couldn't tell her, but you could show her. The TARDIS disappeared into the vortex but didn't seem so sure on landing. She was picking it all up, she felt everything you did and she did not like going. "Please baby girl, I need her to know. I need help but I can't tell her. She's my only out that doesn't involve death and that terrifies me! Please. I understand your hesitation but she needs to see." You spoke mentally to the sentient blue box. She made a sad sound as she gently landed in the moment.

The Doctor looked at you bewildered. Her eyes were wide and her mouth agape. You walked up to her and grabbed her hand reassuringly. You led her to the doors that separated her from your darkest secret. You took a deep breath and slowly opened the door.

You appeared to be in the basement of your house. You walked up the stairs and took her to a storage room where she could see it happen. You sat in silence for a few minutes only the sounds of breathing and your heartbeat could be heard.

You knew this day off by heart, it plagued your nightmares often. It all started to sweet and went sour so quickly. At this time you were currently on your way back from doing your weekly shop to Tescos making sure you didn't forget their vodka and gin on your way to pay. Thankfully, the shop was only 10 minuets away and you doubted that the TARDIS would make you wait longer than nessacary. Just as the Doctor opened her mouth to speak the door opened and in walked an 18 year old you.

You set the bags down and started sorting the items into their new places. The canned foods go in the cupboard and the meat goes into the fridge. There were loads of food and stuff to go through and place properly. After you placed the last can of baked beans into the cupboard, the door swung open, nearly breaking the door.

They came home from their dealers place early. They stunk of weed and alcohol and had a little white powder around their nose. They looked like they had a good time until they had to come home. It was their dealers birthday so he was having a brothel themed party meaning there were strippers, pole dancers and prostitutes as well. The dealer was a rich guy who practically ran this city. The cops couldn't do anything as he could always bail himself out of jail.

They looked you in your comfy clothes and scoffed. They looked angry. "Why aren't you in your normal clothes babes? I thought I told you to throw away all of that shit. Come on now. Don't tell me I wasted all my well earned money on those clothes I specifically chose for you?"

You shuddered, both in the past and now except now they only made bile rise into your throat. You were so young and vulnerable. Now you know better.

The past you quickly scampered off to get changed. After only 5 minutes you reappeared in what was sexy school girl. The blue miniskirt covered less than most underwear so you were forced to wear a thong. The shirt was a bralet that barely covered your nipples. Your hair was in pigtails and you wore thigh highs. The sight made you silently sick in your mouth. You looked pathetic and weak.

You looked at them expectingly. You were waiting for your next order from them. They seemed to drool at the sight of you. "That's better babes. Why didn't you go shopping like that? Show the world your fat ugly figure? I want you to walk out there and see that no one else wants you but here I am, loving you. I am the only one who will ever like you in the way we have now. Your lucky I've had some fun tonight. All I want is my vodka and a new blunt darling"

You quickly went and grabbed their stuff and walked towards them as they settled in front of the TV. They turned the TV on and put Love Island on. How you hated that show. It made you feel bad for being the size you are. The women on there were beautiful but you also knew that, that kind of beauty costs money. So while your partner had fun watching the show for the romance, you watched it to spot what part of them was bought and what was real. Almost all the women had fake teeth and breasts. You hated how your partner would make snide comments on how they looked compared to you.

"You should be looking like Becky ya know. Beautiful teeth, big perky tits and a fucking great ass. What do you have? Flabs!" And there was the first comment of the day. The first of 30, you counted.

"Yeah well you are fucking broke so I can't look like fucking fake ass Becky or the others!" You thought. Then the Doctor gave you a look of shock and pity and then you realised you said that aloud. Not loud enough for them to hear you but enough for the Doctor.

"Make yourself fucking useful and make me some dinner. I fancy a steak and chips." They ordered as you got up and waddled over to the kitchen. A few minutes in you realised you put too much oil in the pan for the steak but the steak was already in and cooking quick. So quick that it started to smoke just a little bit. You tried blowing it away from them before they realised that you fucked up their dinner but ut was too late. They were already on their feet a marching towards you.

"I'm so sorry. I accidentally poured too much oil in. I'm so sorry. I have a spare steak, you can have my meal for tonight, I could do with skipping a meal anyways, helps me lose weight!" Past you was panicked and present you wasn't much better. Even though you were safe from them, they still made you uneasy. If you were to ever see them again, you'd freeze. They made your blood run cold. Even their voice sent unpleasant shivers down your spine.

"You better make me another steak but I still have to punish you. You fucked up, a lesson needs to be learnt." They said scarily politely. They grabbed your left arm and marched you towards the sink. They also grabbed the burning pan and pinned you so you had no escape as they poured the boiling oil onto your skin. You knew not to scream do you bit into your other arm knowing a bite out of it is better than causing more punishments for screaming.

When they were done left to watch the TV and you knew what that meant. You had to cook the spare steak and make there meal before you can get proper treatment at the hospital. Through your tears of agony, you quickly ran your burnt and bleeding arm under the cold water of the sink. You bit deeper into your other arm and tasting blood, but thay didn't stop you until the left one had cooled down. Then you got an old shirt, ripped 2 pieces of fabric off and wrapped them around both arm Injuries. You then continued their meal.

Once they had the meal they kicked you and punched you in the stomach because the chips were slightly cold and then they drove you to the hospital as they promised. When you had left you didn't realise you had been crying until a drop fell on your arm. You walked out of the storage room and sat on the sofa, turning the TV off.

The Doctor looked shocked for a moment before walking over and kneeling in front of you. The Doctor went silent for a moment. Before she could speak, you decided to speak first.

"I couldn't tell you because I couldn't think if a nice way of telling you. I didn't want to appear weak to you." You cried as your voice cracked in the middle due to the tears and the strain. The Doctor looked at you in pity and disappointment.

"This does not make you weak. Being abused does not make you weak. Because being abused is like being tortured by someone who supposed to love you and cherish you. They are meant to protect you from danger not be the danger. I would never hurt you. I know that I put you in risky situations but believe me, I would never intentionally put you in danger. You mean too much to me" The Doctor softly spoke with tears making a little river down her soft cheeks and onto your black carpet below.

"Before I met them, I was like you or Yaz. I was so happy at everything. Very little could bring me down. But I met them and started dating them and suddenly, my world of sunshine faded to grey. There was no light. I wanted to die Doctor. When you found me at that spider hotel, I wanted to be free from them as I couldn't do it. I can't because they'd kill me. I don't want to be alive whilst I'm with them. I have so many scars from either them or me trying to end my own life and that the scariest thing. Death wants us to be terrified but wanting to die is so much more terrifying Doctor, I know that." You cried as you emptied all you could to her. The Doctor was silent for a moment, taking in everything you said. Waves of emotion flashed through her, anger, sadness, pity and something you couldn't quite place.

"You said wanted. That's past tense. You said wanted to die. What changed? What made you want to live?"

"You did. You saved me from the spiders. You gave me a temporary out of the relationship for a while. You made me smile for the first time in 3 years! You made me laugh. The world of grey is now full of sunshine and rainbows Doctor. You also saved me today. When I jumped across that canyon, I jumped to end my life. I made a mistake that nearly ended a planet! If I wasn't so fat and clumsy maybe i-"

"Don't you dare say that! You are not fat (n/n). Yes you have more plush to your body but you are not fat. I hate that word. Its such a nasty word. You are gorgeous, amazing and so brilliant. You can't see what I see and I really wished you could for just one moment. You are worthy of being loved and cared for. You are precious, rare, one of a kind. I've never met anyone like you. There's always some skinny, fake bodied and caked up women but there's no one with as much natural beauty as you! Let's get back to the TARDIS and we'll talk more when looking at the stars because I can see that being here isn't doing you any favours" The Doctor spoke with such passion that you started to believe that her words held more than those of a supporting friend would.

Once the TARDIS was parked in the Milky Way you settled by the door once again and found yourself accompanied by the sweet alien. You both sat there for a moment just content with wrapping your heads around what's just happened. You looked over to the blonde and noticed how the stars made her glow in such an ethereal way that you felt almost compelled to worship her. Maybe you should after everything she's done for you. Her eyes sparkled with si many emotions from the past senario.

"Are you still with them?"

"Why do you think I never left this place? I mean even if could, I wouldn't want to but it's mainly because if I go back home, I'll come back with more injuries. I feel safer with you. You are my sunshine and rainbows and they are my storm clouds. Whilst I'm here, I'm alive and mostly unbroken. Whilst I'm there, I'm as alive as a puppet and severely broken. I can't leave, not on my own anyway."

The Doctor looked at you in thought. "The starlight compliments you. You look so pretty and almost angelic. I just wish they never hurt my angel. My innocent angel had broken wings and I'm going to fix what the Devil broke, I promise. Just hold on, I'm going to take us somewhere."

You held the nearest crystal as the TARDIS transported you somewhere but it seemed like the sentient machine was determined to take you there as quick as she could. As you opened the doors you noticed a familiar smell of weed mixed with alcohol. You heard the familiar tune of Love Island and knew exactly where you were. You were home. The Doctor saw your hesitation and whispered softly, "I want you to pack everything you want. I've written a note for them to find. I'm going to put it on the bed. If they notice you scream for me and I'll be there. They will not hurt you much, hopefully not at all. I just need to do something in the TARDIS before I help you." She turned and left into the TARDIS and disappeared down a corridor.

The atmosphere sent chills down your spine and you were frozen. The TARDIS seemed to notice and words of encouragement were sent into your head which helped you move towards your bedroom. You quickly buy quietly opend your suitcase and started to fill it with clothing and hygiene products. As you entered the bathroom a bottle of their shampoo fell into the tub giving you away. You knew you only had so long before they came in and hurt you so you closed the door and barricaded it with whatever you could.

As you pushed the last cabinet to the pile they roared through the wooden door. "Let me in you fat dumb bitch. You've been gone for 3 weeks and you've got some balls coming back! You're lucky I haven't burned all your shit! Where have you been?"

Your heart ran at an extremely fast pace nd you knew only one person could help you now. And so you screamed her name so loud it hurt your throat bit that didn't stop you. You screamed until you heard talking. You couldn't understand what was said but suddenly a thud was heard and then silence.

"Hey Starlight! It's only me. I've taken care of them. They're not dead but in a venishion aikido. They can't move, they're paralysed. You can come out and finish packing"

You moved everything out of the door and opened it to a view you expected. The Doctor with 2 fingers to their pulse point on their neck. The Doctor smiled at when they saw you. You finished packing and zipped the bag up. Then Yaz walked in with her police uniform on and arrested them for domestic violence and many other things. Now you understood why The Doctor left, it was to get Yaz as a back up option to completely take them out of your life.

The Doctor helped open doors for you as you got your room and you set the suitcase to one side to empty another day. You both sat down on your bed. The sound was filled with nothing but 2 lifeforms breathing and the TARDIS faint buzzing. You two stayed like this, staring into each other, trying to read the others emotions. But we all know what The Doctor is like, she can't stay silent for long.

"I had to save you because as long as you were with them, you weren't ever going to be truly happy. I didn't want my big bright star to turn into a black hole, I wanted her to be a supernova. My Starlight deserves to be happy."

"You keep saying my Doctor. And you asked if I was still with them and then when I basically said yes, you quickly, as in a rush, sent us home so I could leave them. You keep saying all these things about me. You held my hand from the canyon to the drill. You are always the first to check on me and you always make sure I'm OK first even if I'm the farthest person from you! Doctor, be honest, I don't want any more bullshit. Doctor why?" You spoke softly but with determination. The Doctor blushed and shifted her gaze to the stars and quietly gulped. She knew this day would come. The day her secret was revealed. And she dreaded her answer and she dreaded your reaction. And whilst she figured out what to say, you already knew the answer.

You gently grabbed her chin and made her look at you. Once her gaze caught yours, you smiled and placed your lips to her soft ones. Quickly she caught up and kissed you back with all the love and passion she could muster. She wanted to relay that she did love you and that she would do exactly as she said earlier, she would cherish you.

As for you, you smiled. You finally had an out that didn't end in death but instead ended with the same love that you yearned for, for years.

[excelsi-or]

your type (pt. 1)

Hello friends! I have retuuuuurned. I decided we’d go with the ‘dating you because of a date’ trope story (mostly because I’ve suddenly started OVERHAULING the shit out of the other story I’d proposed to you). It’s a decent-lengthen fic, a little more story-based than snapshot like my past two series. 

w.c. 2.6k (LOL, enjoy the set up. We hit the ground running pretty quick after this one.)

pt. 2

note 1: I’ve tried to make all the characters/idols in this one, so if you see a name and recognize it, yeah, it’s probably the idol you’re thinking of. I haven’t done this in my last two fics because I usually prefer not to, but I needed so many side characters to bring this story to life and I doubted you guys would be interested in me creating a bunch of random names and people you didn’t know. 

note 2: I don’t ship any of the idols that are ‘together’ in this fic or wind up ‘together’ in this fic.

When love is a game on a university campus, the question is always how many people can you get into your bed?

Her girls are all about this game. Between studying for exams, hobbies, volunteering and hanging out; they are swiping left and right, going on dates, meeting new boys on campus that they’ve never interacted with before.

To be systematic about it—because these are science majors—they’ve been working through varying departments. And they’ve left a specific department for their last year at school: the music department. For two reasons.

1)    The hottest boys come out of the music department.

2)    The fuck boys come from the music department.

If her girls are all about meeting and bedding various men, the boys in the music department are playing the same game. And she has heard various stories about girls trying to change these music department fuck boys.

She’s dabbled in the dating scene, but has quickly learned that the boys on campus just tend not to be her cup of tea.

“Party at Jackson’s tonight,” Jihyo tells her as she slips into the seat across from her at their dining room table.

“And who are you chasing after tonight?” she asks simply, erasing the subscript 2 she’d put down next to her carbon.

“Do you know Choi Seungcheol?”

She snorts. “I wasn’t born yesterday.”

“We’ve been flirting a little.”

Before she can respond properly, the answer to her chemistry question suddenly comes to her. She grumbles under her breath as she proceeds to erase half a page of work. “Did you go for your testing this morning?”

“Still clean,” Jihyo hums. The woman takes the chemistry homework distraction and uses it to her advantage. “How was that boy you met last week?”

“Eh.” She slowly starts over. “He was whatever. Little too handsy, little too spitty. Kinda boring.”

Jihyo laughs. “I still don’t think you’re giving these boys a chance.”

“Boy’s gotta meet my standard or fuck off,” she chuckles. She tosses her pencil into her notebook and closes it. She props her chin in her hands. “I’m guessing since you’re going to distract me from homework until I say I’m going to get ready that you have someone you want me to meet tonight.”

Jihyo shrugs. “No promises, but Cheol did say to bring my friends tonight so we can play card games at Jackson’s tonight.”

She gets to her feet. “We can do that at someone’s house and not at Jackson’s party.” She heads to her bedroom. “But fine. I’m always down to beat new people at cards.”

Having dabbled in a few music classes, she does actually recognize a few of Seungcheol’s friends. Seungkwan and Hansol come as a pair and don’t date around as much as the others do, likely why she’d taken a liking to them. When Jihyo drags her through the crowd at Jackson’s front door and into the living room, those two boys tackle her first.

She winds up on Hansol’s knee, his hand at her waist to balance her there. “How are you? We haven’t seen you since theory class.”

“I’ve been in the research lab,” she laughs. “You said you’d come visit me.”

“Not all of us are graduating, noona,” Seungkwan argues. “You’re done this year, but we have two years left.”

She ruffles his hair. “Excuses, excuses.”

“Have you met everyone else before?” Seungkwan asks when one of his friends returns with a few beers in his hands.

“Briefly.” She shakes her head when Hansol offers the beer.

Proper introductions are made, and conversation is easy. Jihyo is already in Seungcheol’s lap. His hand strokes her bare legs, likely ‘warming’ them. That excuse always makes her laugh.

Momo walks into the room, a little tipsy already, and scans the room. When the taller woman’s eyes land on her, she breaks out into a smile. “I need you to meet someone.” Without a response, Momo grabs her hand and lifts her off Hansol’s knee, pulling her back through the house.

“You good?” she asks Momo once they’re out of the room and entangled in the sea of people.

Suddenly, Momo stops them before an older looking man who looks incredible uncomfortable to be surrounded by university students. 

She stares up at this man and looks between him and Momo. “Who is this?”

“My boyfriend, Heechul.”

Her eyes widen. Momo had been going on about some older man she’d met at a café nearby. And Momo has been asking her to meet Heechul for a while, mostly for approval. Her girls think since she’s picky that she knows how to judge good men. She can’t confirm or deny that.

She holds a hand out. “Nice to MEET YOU!” She has to start yelling, because the music has picked up now that the party’s in full swing.

“Oppa was just dropping Sana and me off and Jihyo said that you were going to be here!” Momo gives her a little push towards Heechul. “Talk to him!”

She tilts her head. “Where are you going?”

“To find Sana and Jihyo!”

Momo pecks Heechul on the cheek and tells him that someone will call to be picked up.

Once his girlfriend wanders off, Heechul looks down at her. She motions towards the door. The man seems confused as to why a little girl is bossing him around, but he leads the way out of the house.

She stands on the front porch, leaning against the beam near the steps. “How old are you?”

“36.”

She almost chokes on her tongue. That is a very apparent 13-year age difference. “Right. Momo said you met in a café.”

“I spilled my drink on her by accident.” Heechul seems hesitant to say more. He leans up and squints at her. “Who are you again?”

“My name doesn’t matter, but I know I have some weight as to whether you and Momo continue to date.” She tilts her head. “Why Momo?”

“Why not Momo? She’s gorgeous, sweet, adorable.”

“What is Momo studying?”

“Something in science, but she’s a dancer at heart.”

She mulls that thought over in her mind. “And what do you do?”

The name is technical, which suggests that his job isn’t CEO. But it sounds stable.

“Kids?”

“None.”

“Married?”

“Never.”

She nods her head and then smiles sweetly. “Nice to meet you.”

Heechul doesn’t call after her like the other boys tend to do when she abruptly ends her weird interview, which reflects his age. But she knows he’s definitely confused by the way he lingers in the walkway.

Inside, her ears need to readjust to the volume. She weaves her way back through the house, the bass trying to alter her heartbeat in her chest. Just as she’s about to join her friends in the living room, she gets stopped by Jeon Jungkook. They’d dated for nearly a year during her second year of university. He’s dating his roommate now, but they’re still close. Jungkook picks her up around the waist and spins her.

“I haven’t seen you in ages! Why does it feel like you disappeared off the face of the planet?” Jungkook demands.

“I’m in hiding!”

“Hiding?”

“Don’t want you to suddenly fall back in love with me and leave Taehyung!” she teases. “Where is he anyway?”

Jungkook pecks her cheek. “Somewhere here! I had to drag him out from under his chemistry thesis!” Kim Taehyung wound up joining the chemistry graduate program at the university. His brain is legendary in the chemistry department.

“Tell him I say hi!”

“Where you going?”

She points to the living room over his shoulder. Jungkook’s brows rise, impressed. When they used to come to parties, they’d spend most of the time in whatever game room existed. Many of the houses they visited owned a pool table, and if people weren’t having sex on it, she, Jungkook, and a few of their friends would play rounds of pool until everyone else was too drunk to shoot straight.

“Aren’t Mingyu and his friends in there?”

She rolls her eyes, a smirk on her face. “Wish me luck!”

Jungkook laughs. “You don’t need it! Those guys would be insane to tangle with you!” He gives her a quick kiss on the forehead and pats her lower back. “I would know!”

They promise to meet up for a late lunch the following day after he’s nursed his hangover, and she rejoins her friends in the living room. Momo drags her to the floor. “What did you think of Heechulie?”

She gauges Momo’s expression. Her eyes are out of focus, which suggests intoxication thus suggesting more emotional responses. “Let’s talk about it tomorrow.”

“Yo.” She looks over at Hansol’s voice and catches the Coke can he tosses at her. The boys all ‘oh’ loudly, and she furrows her brow at the overreaction.

Suddenly, someone is leaning towards her and whispering, “He promised that one of you would be sober.”

She turns and finds herself face-to-face with Mingyu. “Okay…”

“It makes Stress a little more challenging,” Mingyu clarifies.

Stress is a speed-based card game, one that Jihyo had taught her last week. Now that she knows the boys love to play it, she understands where Jihyo learned it. When the woman had taught it to her, Jihyo had said, “I can’t wait until you get to play them!”

It had been such an odd comment at the time, but now that there’s a Stress tourney happening in the living room with 8 decks of cards, she gets it.

And here she is, after three rounds of Stress with various people, sat across from a man she only met properly about ten minutes ago: Jihoon. He’s flushed in the face from the heat of the party, the alcohol, or the anxiety of all the people who have been cycling through the room to watch.

“How drunk are you?” she asks as she shuffles.

Jihoon tips his head both ways. “I’ve had two.”

“Shots? Or beers?”

“Shots.”

She nods her head as she begins dealing.

“Noona, it’s not fair!” Chan whines, leaning into her. They’d played each other in the first round, and even with her going slow, she’d still won. “You’re not as drunk as us.”

Gently, she eases him into Seokmin. “I don’t drink. You guys wanted to play, so we’re playing.” She catches Jihoon’s gaze. “Do you care?”

Jihoon shakes his head. “Nah. Easy win regardless.”

Jihyo’s laugh is short and loud to prove a point. “Even if you were sober, Jihoon, she’d smoke you.”

Jihoon gives his head another shake as Seungcheol shouts go.

And she wins.

She has to squirm out of all the grabby hands that try to toss her into the air in victory. “I’ll be back.” She gets up and starts towards the kitchen. She feels someone following her and finds Jihoon there.

“You shouldn’t go alone,” he states.

She doesn’t question it. It is a house party. Guys she doesn’t know will try anything. She ducks around arms and around hands that try to grab her when they call out to her in greeting. She, however, pounces on Min Yoongi who is standing in the kitchen talking with someone.

“Hey kid,” Yoongi says once he gets over the surprise. “Haven’t seen you in eons.”

She digs around in one of the coolers for a Coke. Her drink had spilled four minutes into the tournament when Seokmin had lost and flailed his arms around, promptly knocking her drink off the table. “Jungkookie and I are going for lunch tomorrow. You should come if you aren’t busy.”

Yoongi hums. “Sure, kid.” He glances at someone over shoulder. “I can move some stuff around.”

She gives his arm a squeeze before venturing back through the mass of humans. When someone bumps into her, causing her to topple backwards, she falls back into Jihoon. His cool hands and broad chest keep her steady and guide her back to the living room. He releases her and returns to his spot at the opposite end of the room.

A beer she hadn’t noticed Jihoon take is passed off to Jeonghan. The boys all have someone in their lap or someone trying to get into it, and a few of her girls have disappeared.

She glances at the clock. Jihyo catches her doing this. “You can go,” Jihyo mouths.

She juts her chin their direction. “You going home with Cheol?” she mouths back.

Jihyo glances down at Seungcheol who is talking to Joshua, and then meets her eye again with a nod.

Immediately, she gets to her feet again and begins saying her goodbyes.

“You heading out?” Jihoon asks from his spot on the floor next to two girls and Wonwoo.

“Yeah. Music’s making my head pound.” She squeezes Wonwoo’s outstretched hand and runs a hand through Seungkwan’s hair as she passes.

Once again, when she glances over her shoulder, she finds Jihoon behind her.

“What?”

“Walking you home.” He’s already grabbing his jacket from the overstuffed hall closet. Some people’s jackets have landed on the floor.

She smirks. “You don’t have to do that.”

“You’re gonna walk home alone at night?” He shrugs his jacket on.

“You’re tipsy,” she snorts. “You should stay here.” She slips past him to find her own coat. It’s tangled in the back. Jihoon nudges her out of the way to grab it. He helps her into it.

“Are you going to say goodbye to say bye to Jackson first?” he asks.

“I don’t actually know him.” She zips up her coat and meets his eye. “You go say bye.”

“Come on.” Jihoon motions with his head for her to follow.

“No, I’m good.”

Jihoon somehow knows that if he leaves her for a second, she’ll be out the door without him. “Let’s go then.”

She doesn’t question him. As they walk back to her apartment, she pops open the Coke can still in her hand. “Just so you know, the walk is twenty minutes.”

“You were going to walk twenty minutes on your own?” Jihoon demands.

She glances over at him. “I didn’t realize you were so chivalrous.”

“And I didn’t realize you were an idiot.”

She snorts. “The walk’s well-lit and I find it’s more comfortable than taking the bus or a taxi.”

“Any walk is nice until it’s not.”

Instead, this walk is almost awkward. With anyone else, it definitely would have been. They say next to nothing the entire twenty minutes, though he does sip the soft drink when offered. At her lobby door, she turns and smiles. “It was nice to meet you. Thanks for walking me home.”

Jihoon studies her for a while. She wonders if this is one of his moves. She’s heard of Jihoon’s reputation through the grapevine. And if this is one of his moves, does this really get the ladies going?

Eventually, the scrutinizing goes on for so long that she slowly backs towards the door to go inside.

“Do you want to go for breakfast?” he calls after her.

“Breakfast?”

“I heard you say you were busy at lunch. How about breakfast?” Jihoon asks.

She glances over her shoulder as she unlocks the door. She lets herself into the apartment and stands half in and half out. “Sure. Goodnight.”

“What? You’re not going to give me a number to call you? You could just say no.”

She lifts an eyebrow. “Not as drunk as I thought. 9 AM here then.”

His brow furrows. “You want me to pick you up?”

She glances up towards the lights above the doorway that name her building. “You know where I live. 9 AM.”

Jihoon nods. “Okay.”

pt. 2

[just-call-me-the-intrusive-thot]

Soulmate September - Day 16

Day 16 - When your soulmate listens to music or is singing, you hear it in your own head as well. (Songfic, Crazy = Genius by PATD)

Pairing(s): Romantic Intrulogical, Ambiguous/Romantic Analomus, Background Roceit [the Janus part is ambiguous but whatever], Familial Logicality, Familial Virremile, Background Remile [again hinted]

TWs: swearing, sexual themes [light but they’re there], makeouts, Remus being Remus, drunken behaviour, pyromania, vomiting [not graphic just mentioned]

–

“Either of you pyros got a lighter I can borrow?”

Logan sighed, not making much in the way of eye contact with the emo sitting in the cell next to him and his soulmate. He dug into his jean pocket and lazily tossed the lighter to the boy clad in so much black and purple he looked like the sapient embodiment of a bruise.

“Keep it.”

“Oh. You sure? This is a pretty sweet lighter-”

“I insist.”, Logan groaned, running his hands down his face, “It’s not like I’ll be needing it ever again after this.”

From beside Logan, Remus slung his arm to the side, flopping it about limply to swat at his soulmate, “Shuddafuckup”, he slurred, hauling himself upright from his slumped over position, “S’gonna be fiiiine. Roman said he’d bail us oooouuuut, so fuckin’ chill-”

“Your brother told you last week that he would give us a ride to Dairy Queen but instead he was too fucking busy getting to third base with his boyfriend!!”, Logan snapped. Ugh, he would regret that in the morning. He ran his hands through his hair anxiously slicking it back. How had the night gone wrong so fast?...

-

‘You can set yourself on fire! You can set yourself on fire!’

Logan wasn’t sure what it was about the glowing ember embrace of a flame that drew him in toward it like a moth with a death wish, but as he allowed his soulmate Remus to haul his ass towards their usual hangout with the promise of some pretty choice items to burn, he found that he couldn't care less.

As he approached the overpass with his soulmate chugging a whole half a bottle of tequila without blinking, Logan wondered how he ever survived before without this whirlwind in human form.

‘She said at night in my dreams

You dance on a tightrope of weird

Oh but when I wake up you're so normal that you just disappear

You're so straight like commuters with briefcases towing the line

There's no residue of a torturer inside your of eyes’

“Check it the fuck out, babe! Did I bring the goods or what?”, Remus grinned nearly as brightly as the shine on the rather expensive looking crimson car - he guessed it might have been a Mercedes, but car brands all looked the same to him really - parked under the overpass. Logan didn’t have a particular favourite item to burn, but when Remus walked over in his lime green hoodie that barely covered his black leather shorts and fishnets to pose seductively on top of the hood? Logan hadn’t wanted to incinerate anything more in his life.

“You… How on Earth did you come by this?!”, he ran his hand along the curve of the hood, unashamedly letting his hand roam over Remus’ thigh. 

His soulmate hummed, leaning in to steal a kiss, murmuring softly against Logan’s lips, “If I told you I might’ve hotwired it just this afternoon? Is that a turn off or a turn on?”

Goddamn him, Remus knew just how to speak right to Logan’s soul.

“The latter, and you know it.”, Logan all but growled into their kiss.

‘She said you're just like Mike

Love but you wanna be Brian Wilson, Brian Wilson

Said you're just like Mike

Love but you'll never be Brian Wilson’

In the back of his mind, Logan did wonder what his father and morally conscious little brother would think; if they knew he snuck out to satisfy his pyromania, make out with his feral cryptid of a boyfriend, and engaged in petty acts of vandalism and thievery from time to time. What would Thomas and Patton think of their stoic, orderly son and big brother who - instead of studying for his undergraduate degree in astrophysics - would rather spend the night getting dangerous and dirty alongside his soulmate who had literally just admitted to auto theft  to acquire a ridiculously expensive car for him to burn?

The thought was there for all of two seconds until Remus’ tongue licking into his mouth banished it away. The only thot he needed tonight was the one driving him crazy with a kiss alone.

‘And I said (hey ay, ay)

If crazy equals genius (hey ay, ay)

If crazy equals genius

Then I'm a fucking arsonist (hey)

I'm a rocket scientist (hey hey)

(Hey ay, ay)

If crazy equals genius (hey)

You can set yourself on fire (hey ay)

But you're never gonna burn, burn, burn (hey ay)

You can set yourself on fire (hey ay)

But you're never gonna learn, learn, learn hey!’

Knowing they came here for a reason, Logan reluctantly ended their makeout session and grabbed for his trusted blue lighter.

“How full is the gas tank?”, Logan made sure to ask, popping open the door to the driver’s side to see what was left in the car. Might as well keep anything worth selling.

“Not sure.”, Remus shrugged, twirling the keys around his finger excitedly while he finished off their first bottle of the night, “Wanna help me make sure there’s nothing left?”

‘She said darlin' you know

How the wine plays tricks on my tongue

But you don't seem to change when you stuff all of

your feelings with drugs

Other boys you may have dated serrated your heart with a slice

But the cut of your love never hurts baby, it's a sweet butter knife’

Logan wasn’t sure how Remus managed to look even more majestic every time he looked at him, but as he clung tight to the hand rest above the passenger window while his soulmate pulled off his sixteenth donut in a row, all he could think about was how lucky he was to have him. Like a trickle of water turning into a river, Logan recognised the beginning of Na Na Na starting to play in his head. Of course. He knew Remus well enough by now to know that was coming. The humming under his soulmate’s breath also gave it away somewhat. 

While Remus kept trying to empty the tank, Logan couldn’t help but feel nostalgia for their first meeting; Remus’ older brother Roman had asked Logan to stand in for the theatre department’s regular dramaturge when Logan began to hear the beginnings of Avenue Q’s The Internet Is For Porn begin to invade his mind. Luckily for him, it hadn’t taken long for Remus to saunter over and try to flirt with him, humming the exact tune Logan had been hearing the whole time.

From there, they’d begun dating though it took a good few months before Logan would join Remus in his fantastical ramblings. He lamented on how he felt trapped by a father who meant well but expected so much from him, how stifled he felt having to be a role model to his living marshmallow of a little brother. How Logan just wanted the fun, exhilaration of doing something extreme for a change.

With Remus’ encouragement, Logan opened up about his pyromaniac tendencies which his soulmate was 110% onboard with. Ever since, the underpass had become their dirty, out of the way, graffiti scarred home away from home. Where Logan could indulge the urge to burn away his stresses and lose himself in Remus’ mantra of doing whatever the fuck they wanted.

‘She said you're just like Mike

Love but you wanna be Brian Wilson, Brian Wilson

Said you're just like Mike

Love but you'll never be Dennis Wilson’

With the car finally seemingly out of gas as it shuddered to a stop, Remus fluidly slid out of the open window - you know, like a normal functional human being - and slid across the hood of the car to open the door for Logan, “Alright, time for this bitch to burn!”

Logan was more than happy to get down to the main event after doing a last quick sweep of the car. All he’d found worth keeping was the planet shaped air freshener; so sue him, the sweet scent of mixed berries was delightful. Whipping out his lighter, Logan escorted Remus a safe distance away and pulled out the hairspray he’d swiped from his room earlier. He aimed the spray towards the car - making sure it wasn’t against the wind or pointed back at himself, he preferred to keep his eyebrows, thanks - and watched as the plume of fire engulfed the car’s seat cover. 

Crackling flames. Straining metal. Hissing fabric burning to a plastic like mess. It was a symphony and Logan was it’s conductor.

With his boyfriend wrapping his arms around his shoulders, Logan tilted to kiss him once more as the heat of the fire caressed their skin. Remus’ eyes never once left Logan, seeing his soulmate delight in an act of pure mindless vandalism, watching the way Logan looked truly free, sent his heart racing. In compliment, Logan turned back to Remus, grinning already at the shades of orange and yellow that painted his handsome features. He always thought Remus was at his most beautiful that way.

‘And I said (hey ay, ay)

If crazy equals genius (hey ay, ay)

If crazy equals genius

Then I'm a fucking arsonist (hey)

I'm a rocket scientist (hey hey)

(Hey ay, ay)

If crazy equals genius (hey)

You can set yourself on fire (hey ay)

But you're never gonna burn, burn, burn (hey ay)

You can set yourself on fire (hey ay)

But you're never gonna learn, learn, learn hey!’

Logan couldn’t tell you what happened next; one minute the two of them were watching the flames while his soulmate continued his campaign to destroy his kidneys with alcohol, the next Remus was sitting in his lap leaving hickeys all over his neck while Logan let his hands roam around under Remus’ hoodie. In the back of his mind, Logan could make out the beginning of a song he didn’t recognise at first, but as the lyrics kicked in, he let out a breathy chuckle. Of course, trust Remus to pick a thematic piece of music for the night’s events. As the song got louder - and Remus marked him more needily - Logan found he rather liked the song. He’d have to ask Remus what it was called later.

‘You can set yourself on fire (hey)

You can set yourself on fire (hey)

You can set yourself on fire (hey)

You can set yourself on fire’

The next thing either of them knew, there was a vague clattering noise followed by a  thunderous metallic bang. Followed by another, then another. One after another for a total of seven times before it finally quieted down. No music, no bang, just the fire crackling away. Thoroughly shaken, Remus and Logan untangled themselves from each other, the former demanding all too loudly, “What the creme fresh fuck was that?!”

“I-! I have no idea-”, Logan began. There wasn’t anything that would’ve done that inside the car, he’d checked. However, as he rounded the car, giving the flames a wide berth, Logan noticed someone laying on the ground on the other side of the car; dressed in a dark, patchy hoodie and ripped jeans, a plume of purple dyed frizzy hair poking out from the hood. He looked like your run of the mill emo. For a second, Logan was worried he and Remus would have to dispose of a body, but fortunately the young man groaned and began to sit up. To his side, Logan winced at a metallic glint blinding his vision.

The spray can doing so had clearly rolled out of the bag full of other cans, all in different colours. At least now Logan could put a face to the rather beautiful graffiti that tattooed the underpass as well as what had exploded in the fire as he noted the burst open paint cans under the car.

“Are you alright? What the hell happened?”, Logan questioned firmly, though he knew the disoriented emo on the ground likely couldn’t answer right away. He assumed from the way the young man rubbed the back of his head that he’d taken a rather nasty fall. The anxious artist seemed to remember exactly where he was, eyes blown wide in fear, 

“Dude, get outta here quick-”

“There he is!”

Three officers rushed towards the two of them prompting the emo and Logan to make a break for it, being sure not to run into the inferno. Remus pretty quickly got the idea and joined the two of them. It seemed neither of the three of them knew exactly where they were trying to run to, but a silent, unspoken agreement saw them all heading for the same direction. Looking back on it, Logan wondered if parting ways and heading for his car with Remus could’ve at least seen them with a better chance of getting away. 

But hindsight is a bitch that wakes up seven hours late and didn’t even bother to bring Starbucks. 

‘And I said (hey ay, ay)

If crazy equals genius (hey ay, ay)

If crazy equals genius

Then I'm a fucking arsonist (hey)

I'm a rocket scientist (hey hey)

(Hey ay, ay)

If crazy equals genius (hey)’

Before long, all Logan could hear was his sneakers scraping the ground and his own breathing competing against his heartbeat to dominate his ears. The urge to stop and breathe was intense but it felt as though doing just that would send the world crashing down around them. 

Of course, prolonged exercise and a stomach full of alcohol wasn’t the best combination. 

“‘M gonna fuckin’ puke-!”, Remus huffed, trying to cover his mouth with his hand. 

“Just hold on, Remus, we’re-!”

Logan watched in horror as his soulmate stopped to empty his stomach, unintentionally doing so in a way that blocked off the hoodie clad young man trying his best to keep up.

“Ah sHIT-!”

He didn’t need to look back; the clattering of the satchel, the mutual yelps of surprise and pain, Logan kept running even as two of the officers apprehended his soulmate and the hooded lad. The guilt would catch up to Logan before the third officer did, or it would have if he didn’t mistime his turning around the next corner only to end up nearly getting run over. How poetic; from making out on a car hood to being cuffed against one. Had Remus not been busy insulting the officers’ mothers rather colourfully, Logan theorised he would’ve no doubt made some innuendo about it.

Exhausted from their chase and thoroughly cuffed, all Logan could do was let himself be loaded into the back of the cop car with Remus and the anxious emo.

‘You can set yourself on fire (hey ay)

But you're never gonna burn, burn, burn (hey ay)

You can set yourself on fire (hey ay)

But you're never gonna learn, learn, learn hey!’ 

-

“Mmm… Logan, can you-”, Remus burped a little too wetly for it not to make Logan feel as queasy as Remus looked, “Can you stroke my hair? Pleeeeeease?”

Sighing in that playful kind of annoyance only true love can allow, Logan did as asked. The night may wind up with him being harshly reprimanded by his father and possibly losing his come-and-go privileges, but at least for now he had Remus.

“...... I’m sorry.”, came the rough voice of the emo in the cell next to theirs, “You both wouldn’t be stuck here if it wasn’t for me.”

Remus just gave a dismissive grunt in reply while Logan assured their cell companion, “While you may have led the police to us, I doubt our proclivity for fiery vandalism would’ve kept going undetected forever.”, he looked the emo up and down, “Might I ask,...?”

“Virgil.”

“Virgil,”, Logan repeated, “Might I ask how you ended up stumbling across us?”

Virgil shrugged, “I’ve been painting the underpass for years. Pretty much everything down there’s something I’ve done.”. 

He chewed the inside of his cheek, “I had a shitty night so I came down to paint something when I walked in on you two getting all ‘friendly’,”, he airquoted, “So I went to go home but I got stopped by an officer and started panicking. So I just…. ran.”

His posture curled a little while he twirled Logan’s lighter between his fingers in a stimming action, “Then I realised I was way too fucking close to the fire and I blacked out.”, Virgil embarrassedly pulled his hood up, “Fire scares the shit outta me, always has. Next thing I knew, I woke up with you staring at me. You both know the rest.”

Logan nodded quietly. It really did fill in a few gaps, “I can’t blame you for not wanting to stick around. I do apologise that we inadvertently ruined your night.”

Virgil shrugged, “Eh, it’s alright, it’s just gonna suck having to have my dads bail me out again. Not that dad would mind but pops will probably gimme another lecture about ‘unhealthy coping habits’ again....”

At that, they sat for the most part in silence. Then that song began to trickle into Logan’s brain again. As nice as it had been in accompaniment to their antics before, Logan found it almost grating now. He sighed and gently nudged Remus, 

“Re-”

“Logan, babe,”, Remus groaned, beating him to the punch, “Can you fuckin’ give it a rest with the music? M’fuckin’ head hurts.”

“....But you’re the one who’s been thinking about that song, right!?”, Logan’s concern was obvious. Remus caught on as well.

“No!? I thought it was you!?”, he sloppily hauled himself onto Logan’s lap, pressing their foreheads together, “Issokay babe, I won’t let-”, he stifled a burp though it did nothing to save Logan from Remus’ drunken breath, “Won’t let fate change our soul bond! I’ll fuckin- I’ll whip out my brain surgery skills right here if I gotta-”

“Remus!”, Logan sternly held him back a little, “Calm down, let’s just try and think rationally, okay!?”

“.... Have you ever MET me, you stupid sexy science bitch?”, Remus cackled at the alliteration.

“Please be serious for once.”, Logan sighed, fixing his glasses in a self calming gesture, “Do you know the name of the song in your head?”

“Yeah, iss fuckin’ um...”, Remus clicked his fingers in thought, trying to place it, “S’fuckin Scream In The Club, or some shit who sings it...”

“..... You mean, Panic At The Disco?”, came Virgil’s voice from the neighbouring cell.

Remus pointed dramatically, “THATS THE BITCH!”. He put his fist to his chest to stifle another burp, instead taking a second to turn and spit out some of the awful taste on his tongue, “Fuckin’... the lyrics were like…. “You can set yourself-””

“- On fire?!”, Virgil finished, looking rather interested in the conversation now.

Logan nodded between the two of them, “Yes, that’s the same opening line I remember. Virgil, I take it you’re familiar with the song?”

“Well yeah, and I’ll do you one better. Uh,....”, he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “I’ve had that song stuck in my head all night.”

Remus and Logan shared a look of shock. Could Virgil really be their soulmate? It would explain the times when they would hear music that didn’t seem to line up with each other’s tastes. Before Logan could propose a test, Remus was way ahead of him; he rolled his eyes as the music flooded into his skull. 

Virgil brightened up, “Ashnikko, huh? Good choice-”

“HOLY SHIT, LOGAN, WE GOT-! WE GOT ANOTHER ONE!!”, Remus screeched, wriggling excitedly in Logan’s lap, almost causing his boyfriend to drop him.

“Indeed.”, Logan sighed fondly as he tried to get Remus to sit back down on the bench instead of his lap, “So now you better call Roman and see if he can bail us ALL out..”

----------

... I know I won’t probably be able to catch up but hell with it, I love some of the prompt ideas, I’ll just stop tagging the blog if I run over at this point.

A big thanks to @accidental-sanders for the idea for this one, it was really fun to do.

@tsshipmonth2020

Taglist: @somehow-i-got-an-account   @cateye-glasses   @fandomsofrandom

[solari-writes-things]

Afraid

🛑 WARNINGS: Blood, descriptions of violence, language 🛑

✨ requested by: @tsumethedrifter

✨ Pairing: Frank Castle x Reader

✨ Summary: Frank stumbles onto the reader’s doorstep after spending some time under the radar.

✨ Solari Says: FRANK CASTLE! I’m so happy to finally have a request for him!! I hope you enjoy!

✨ Prompt(s) - 

#47: Right now, I don’t know if I want to kiss you or shove you off a bridge.

#6:  You don’t scare me.

gif credit: to the OP.

MORE FRANK | MORE MARVEL | > MASTERLIST < |

Your day was almost completed, and for once there was only silence in the walls of your home. Your mind seemed to be at rest, the mundane nature of the past 24 hours relaxing on your shoulders. The only thing you could focus on, now, was the quiet babbling of the movie you had decided to put on for yourself. Watching the actors streak across the screen, delivering their emotionally-driven dialogue. 

None of it registered in your head, the sounds going in one ear and out the other. For once, though, you were absolutely grateful for that.

So when the door had a loud knock on it, you exhaled slowly and threw your legs down from your couch so you could stand. You toss the remote that had been lazily sitting on your chest back onto the sofa, shuffling your feet to the front door now.

Whoever the hell was at the door would get a piece of your mind, that’s for sure.

You tried to see who it was through the peep hole, but couldn’t see a face under the black hood that rested on their head. You grab your pocket knife that sat on your table next to your front door, just in case. You unlock the deadbolt, then the knob, and wait for them to come barreling inside. After a second of silence, you still hold the knife in your free hand as you twist the knob and pull the door open.

There stood a face that you hadn’t seen since he had disappeared off the face of the planet in New York. Immediately, a flurry of different emotions came crashing down on top of you as your eyes rested on his. 

“Frank...?” you breathe out, his expression just as tired as yours.

“Hey,” he husked.

You practically snatch his arm at the sound of his voice, jerking him inside and slamming your front door. “You don’t call me. You don’t even fucking write. The way I have to figure out that you skipped town was through Madani?” you start, your face contorting into something in the same vein as anger. “Then, you have the gull to come to my home, knock on my door and-”

You cut yourself off. There was something that you didn’t notice about him before, in the darkness that shrouded your front porch. His face was bruised, cut, and a little bit of blood pooled at his cheekbone. Some of it collected at his upper lip, spilling from his right nostril. His hand, stained red, cupped his side harshly. Even his hoodie was sticking to the skin on his palm.

“Fucking hell, Frank,” you breathe shakily and begin to guide him to somewhere that he could lay down while you gather a bit of medical supplies. At least the shit that would keep him from getting his blood all over your damn apartment.

“I’m sorry,” he stated immediately as you prepped a place on a towel for him to lay his upper body on.

“Stop,” you immediately demand.

“I didn’t know where else to turn to, [Y/N]. I remember you saying that you were out here. I wouldn’t make it anywhere to lie low while I heal up,” he averted his eyes away from you as he peeled off his sweater.

“Frank. Right now, I don’t know whether I should kiss you, or push you off of a fucking bridge. Please, just let me focus,” your tired eyes met his averted gaze.

He sighed a bit and nodded his head, wincing as you attempted to lay him down on top of your bed. You noticed another thing when he had jerked, that his shoulder was just out of place. He had dislocated it.

“I can pop that back in before we get started...” you say to him, your tone softening up compared to what it had been before.

Despite the fact that he had shown up to your door, injured and unannounced, you had missed him. You were relieved that he had taken comfort to you when he was under the alias of Pete Castiglione. Curtis was worried about him, and to be honest you were too. After hearing his story from Curtis’s side, you understood what this man felt he had to do. You couldn’t fault him for wanting to exact revenge on those who had wronged him. On those who had sentenced him to a life of grievance.

He chose you. 

He chose you to hear his story, as told by both his best friend and himself. He trusted you with sacred information--that he was not who he tried to be. That Pete was just an alias, to a man that the world had wrongfully deemed a murderer.

So you were lost in your thoughts as you placed your hand on his shoulder, ready to pop the joint back into place. “Brace. On my mark, okay?”

Frank nods his head again in silence.

“Three. Two. One,” you count down, and jerk the joint back into its socket. The loud crack in the air was only met with a grunt and seethe from Castle, and you proceeded to lay him back like your original intention was.

“You know,” he breathed as you were turned toward the medical supplies. “You’re probably better off with the latter.”

You felt your jaw tense at the suggestion that you abandon him, your eyes turning sharply at him as soon as the words left his mouth. “You don’t scare me, Frank Castle. I know who you are, your story. The fact that you would suggest such a thing means you think I’ve changed. Sorry to burst your bubble.”

You pour a bit of alcohol on the wound on his side, earning another grunt of disapproval at the sensation he felt. You wipe the access blood away, watching the diluted red collect on the towel beneath him. You sigh, putting a bandage over it and putting tape to seal it to his body.

When you turn to start putting the medical supplies to the side, he reaches out and clasps your hand in his. The callused, but gentle sensation caused your body to loosen up and lose any of the hostility that you had felt with him returning.

You couldn’t keep yourself angry at him. Frank always had his reasons for doing the things he did, in the fashion that he did them. It was something you had to understand as someone that he trusted, someone that he put faith in. He trusted you to remain static, unchanged by the tasks that he gave himself.

Because everyone else had damned him. Called him a criminal, a bad man.

He was anything but that.

He was just a man looking for peace. Peace that could only be achieved knowing he did not share the same world as the men who had damned him.

“Thank you, [Y/N],” he says gently, his eyes meeting yours as his thumb ran across the back of your hand.

You bite your bottom lip, springing up from your seat next to your bed to steal a hurried kiss from him. Only when he returned it is when your head finally connected to what you were doing and you pull away mere inches away.

“Stay here, please,” you ask of him.

He stays silent, his eyes glossing over the details of your face in thought. He leans up, pecking your lips twice before relaxing his head once more. “I will.”

__

Marvel tag list: @tsumethedrifter :|:  @sazafraz :|: @angelaiswriting (if you wish to be included in the tag list, please comment or message me!)

[that-sw-writer]

If you’re taking requests, hear me out...

Kylo x reader

Disney princess Mulan style. Reader is in the knights of Ren but no one knows she’s a girl! Kylo is the first to find out maybe by walking in on her changing or something idk whatever you think would be the best. I thought of this after reading intoxicated which both parts were awesome by the way!!

I’m so sorry that you’ve waited about a century for me to finish this... but I tried to make up for that by including a zesty meme to go with this lmao

Also I’m glad you enjoyed intoxicated, it’s literally one of my favourite things I’ve ever written!! I hope this one shot is what you had in mind!

MASTERLIST

Paring: Female Knight of Ren!Reader/Kylo Ren (Mulan inspired)

Word count: 4582

Warnings: mentions sex and kylo ren is briefly a bit of a dick

(context for the dank meme will be provided when you read)

I’ll Make a Man Out of You

You were struggling today, more than most months. Usually you managed to get through stomach cramps with a few painkillers, but today you were practically keeling over, and it hadn't escaped the notice of the other Knights of Ren.

"Nuren? You okay?" Kuruk had asked you in the midst of sparring, noticing that your movements were sloppy as you tried to ignore the crippling pain in your stomach.

"Yeah, I'm just feeling a bit under the weather." You tried to play it off, your voice coming off modulated due to your helmet. You were the only knight who always wore their helmet, the others took theirs off to socialise but you had to keep your secret safe, so you had told them from day one that you had taken an oath to never allow any sentient being to see your face, something you knew was common amongst the Mandalorian clans.

It was a solitary life, lying every day to the people whom you cared about more than anyone else, but you were in too deep to tell them to truth now. There had never been a woman amongst the Knights of Ren, and that wasn't likely to change - at least, not as far as anyone knew. You would just continue to miss out on drinking and eating with your brothers, being forced to sit in the corner and try your best to join in with their merriment.

Even your leader, Kylo Ren, had no idea of the truth. For years now you had concealed your gender from them, but you had never intended for it to go this far. You had joined the knights when they had come to your homestead seeking your brother, who was Force sensitive. He hid when they had shown up and you sent the knights on a cold trail to look for him, but after they left you had considered things. You were desperate for an escape and for adventure, plus you were also Force sensitive, so you had decided to drop everything and chase after them in place of your brother. You had concealed your identity by donning simple armour, which was soon replaced once they had taken you on board.

You took on the name Nuren, which meant 'woman' in your planet's dialect - hidden in plain sight, and you had never looked back. Sure, nothing about it was easy, but you wouldn't dare quit, you quickly found yourself enjoying the training, missions and most importantly: the brotherhood.

"Perhaps we should call it a day." Kylo raised his hand to stop the sparring, his gaze unsurprisingly fixated on you. "Nuren, go to the med-bay if you need to." Despite being a terrifying Supreme Leader to most, Kylo Ren cared about his knights, although little did he know that you had just gotten your period - there was nothing seriously wrong with you.

Over the years you had learnt a lot about concealing your emotions, particularly those where Master Ren was concerned. There were thousands of people in the galaxy whom you could have fallen for, but you had to choose to fall for Kylo Ren - the one man you could never have, for more reason than one. Most obviously: he thought you were a man who could under no circumstances remove his helmet in front of other people. But aside from that, even if he did know the truth, how could it ever work? You were one of his knights. Although admittedly, you had spent a lot of time alone at night dreaming that it could work.

"That's okay Master Ren, I think I just need to rest." You stood tall as you spoke to him, despite the sharp pain that was still twisting your stomach.

"Very well." He nodded, dismissing you all, but you could see the look of concern still on his face.  Curse these cramps for ruining training for you.

You retired alongside your brothers after that, still trying to ignore just how much pain you were in, but they were unsurprisingly teasing you about it.

"One little stomach ache takes Nuren down? This is the same guy I once saw singlehandedly take on a Nightsister right?" Cardo gave you a bolshy nudge and the others all laughed.

"He's right, I knew the food they served up on this base was crap, by I didn't realise it was that crap." Trudgen then jested, and you laughed along with them, knowing that this was just how they behaved.

"You think I eat that shit?" You snorted as you all made your way back to your shared common area.

There was a large communal area where the knights all socialised together and attached were seven bedrooms, each sealed behind private blast doors.

"Since we're done for the day, who fancies a drink?" Ap'lek asked the moment you all stepped foot inside, moving over to produce multiple bottles of beer from the fridge.

The others all mumbled in agreement, moving to take off their helmets and make themselves comfortable. Despite knowing that you would decline, the knights never failed to ask you to join them and they had no idea how much that simple gesture meant to you, let alone how much you wanted to accept it.

"How about it Nuren? Nothing like alcohol to cure sickness." Ushar grinned, but you reluctantly shook your head.

"I think I might just turn in and take a nap." You said, your brothers all bidding you farewell before you disappeared behind the doors that lead to your quarters.

As soon as you were alone, you shed yourself of the heavy helmet, as well as the outer layers of your armour. Carrying around that much weight on your body whilst on your period should have been a crime.

Rather than collapsing onto the bed, you moved to dig through your drawers where you had a stash of painkillers hidden for these exact moments - hopefully they would at least give you a few pain-free hours so you could spend some time with the other knights before they got too drunk.

Swallowing down the pill, you knew it would take some time to kick in so you opted to soak in a warm bath until them, that usually helped. From your refresher you could vaguely hear the others all laughing and having fun together. It pained you more and more every day have to be such an outsider, but you feared that if you revealed the truth to them they would never accept you.

You tried not to let your thoughts dwell on negative things whilst you bathed, but it was hard not to. You had everything you ever wanted - but you didn't have it, as far as anyone else was aware your brother was the one living this dream. Could you really go on like this forever? The answer was: yes. You had no choice, you would die with your secret one day.

You eventually left the refresher, a towel wrapped securely around your body. Thankfully, this time your painkillers were actually working, so with any luck you'd be able to join your brothers and simply watch them drink and wish you could join in - just as you always did.

When you pulled on your undergarments you wrapped tight bandaging around your chest to flatten it. It was beyond painful to wear every day, but definitely easier than explaining why you had breasts...

You tugged on your slightly baggy trousers, and your even baggier undershirt. You found that clothes with less shape worked better. However, before you could sweep your hair back into a clean bun and put your helmet on, you heard the blast doors to your room open.

The knights knew to never walk into each other's private quarters unannounced, and there was surely only one other person who could possibly be in the knights' common area.  But why would he be in here?

"I wanted to check that you're okay-" Kylo began, clearly not focusing as he entered.  But when his voice trailed off you knew that he had laid eyes on you.

With your heart in your mouth, you slowly turned around to confirm your worst nightmare. Kylo Ren stood staring at you, his mouth slightly agape. Clearly he hadn't known what to expect, but this was far beyond the parameters of his imagination.

"I can explain-" you quietly said, your voice coming out as nothing but a mere whisper. Your heart was beating so fast it felt like it was going to burst out of your chest.

Clearly just as unsure how to process what he had seen as you were, he simply turned on his heel and fled the room, quickly marching out of the knights' common area altogether.

There was no time for you to panic, you forced yourself to take a deep breath, pulled your helmet on and took off after him, still only wearing your under-layers. As you dashed out, your brothers paid you little mind, they were too caught up in their conversation to notice the commotion.

"Master Ren, wait." You called to him as he was striding ahead of you.

In one sharp motion he turned to you, pushing you against the wall, his gloved hand clasped around your neck where he could see wisps of hair falling out from beneath your helmet.

"I want you to leave this base, and pray that I never see you again." He was cutting off your airwaves, but nevertheless you still attempted to choke out.

"M-Master Ren, please. I-I had to lie." You tried to explain, your voice coming out as a  strained croak.

"And now you have to leave." He hissed, the betrayal in his tone was clear. Without another word he released you and went storming off down the corridor again.

You had no idea what to do, or who to turn to. Perhaps it was just best to heed Kylo's warning and leave. You feared that if Kylo's reaction had been nothing short of death threats, you would be met with a very similar reaction from your fellow knights, but part of you also thought that they deserved to know the truth before you abandoned them.

Besides, now you had nothing left to lose.

When you arrived back in the common area, the knights were all lost in their merriment. Clearly a few drinks down, you could tell they were slightly tipsy, although perhaps that would make this easier.

"I need to tell you something." You planted yourself in the middle of the room, and were immediately met by jeering, something you would've normally embraced and enjoyed, but now your reaction was stone cold.

"Hopefully you're telling us that you're ready to have some fun!" Cardo bellowed, "c'mon Nuren, loosen up a bit."

"No." You grumbled, "I wish I could." Before you open yourself up to more teasing, you reached up and unlatched your helmet, silently revealing the truth to the knights. "You came to my planet looking for my brother, but you got me instead." You quietly explained, dreading the reactions that were to come.

It was so silent that you could hear a pin drop, and part of you feared that they would kill you on the spot for lying to them. Slowly, your brothers rose to their feet, seemingly sobering up in that moment.

"So for all these years, you've been pretending to be your brother?" Ushar asked, his voice level, so much so that you couldn't read his emotions.

"Yes." You hung your head in guilt.

The ominous silence fell once more, and you couldn't bear it any longer. However, as you opened your mouth to speak, a stifled laugh broke through the crippling silence.

You whipped around and saw Kuruk with a hand covering his mouth. "Sorry it's just-" before he could finish there were more uncontrollable laughs escaping his lips. Clearly this laughter was contagious, because before you knew it it was spreading throughout the room.

"I-I can't believe you said you had taken an oath t-to not take the helmet off!" Ap'lek struggled to get his words out through the laughter, "a kriffing oath!" He exclaimed, leaning on Vicrul who was beside him, as they tried to regain their composure.

"This... is really not the reaction I was expecting." Entirely unsure of what to do, you just stood and stared at them all as they continued to crease in fits of laughter. But after a few moments you found yourself unable to avoid the contagious laughter, but you of all people really had no clue what you found so funny.

You were all in stitches for another few minutes before it died down, and despite the circumstances the laughter made you feel as though some of the weight had been lifted off your shoulders. Knowing that your fellow knights weren't angry at you was a much needed relief.

"So why not tell us the truth?" Vicrul eventually asked once they could form coherent sentences.

"The Knights of Ren was no place for a woman." You sighed, throwing yourself down on the couch with your head in your hands, "I wish I had told you earlier, but I always thought you'd be angry - I really didn't expect the laughing fit."

"C'mon Nuren, you should have known us better than that. No matter what, we're brothers... well, now you're our first sister." Ushar chuckled, giving you a solid pat on the back.

As the others echoed his sentiment, you appreciated more than anything that they weren't treating you any differently just because of your gender. There was still that sense of familiarity, and the brotherhood... it was just a shame you couldn't stay.

"So why tell us now?" Ap'lek eventually asked.

"Master Ren-" your tone immediately became more downcast as you remembered the gravity of the situation, "he found out the truth, and he told me to leave. I thought before I go I at least owed you all the truth."

Glances were exchanged, before Cardo spoke up, "no, we won't let you leave."

Your heart nearly burst out of your chest at the gesture, but you couldn't allow yourself to fall into that safety blanket. "Master Ren will have my head if I stay. I betrayed him, and you all know how he responds to betrayal."

"But you forget Nuren, you're a Knight of Ren, and we never leave a brother behind." Trudgen said. "...Or a sister." He then hastened to add.

><><><><><><><><><><><

It had only been a week since everyone had found out the truth. Whilst your fellow knights actually gotten on better with you now that you could drink and socialise with them, the same could not be said for Kylo Ren.

Firstly, he was less than happy about being undermined when it came to you leaving the base. Now you were a constant reminder of his own empty threat. But more importantly, what you didn't realise was that he wanted you gone more than ever because he was developing an inexplicable attraction to you. The worst part was, it wasn't just physical. Whilst he would sit moping in the corner he could see the way you were around the other knights - they clearly adored you, and the fact that a female presence was actually having a positive effect on the group made it even harder for Ren to despise you. He saw the way you could light up a room, and he couldn't help but want you. He was angry for allowing himself to feel such a way, and that unfortunately manifested itself as anger towards you.

The other knights, meanwhile, couldn't possibly look at you in such a way. Perhaps had they met you for the first time as strangers, they would have relentlessly flirted with you as they did so many other women. But you had all spent too much time together in too many awkward situations to ever see each other as more than adopted-siblings.

You were so relieved to finally be able to relax around the knights, but there was always that tension whenever you were around Master Ren. You had been desperately trying to prove yourself to him to show him that you were the same knight you had always been, regardless of your gender - although deep down you knew that it had nothing to do with the fact you were a woman, it was the fact that you had lied to him...

Although for Kylo it was none of these. He knew he had overreacted when he'd first found out the truth, and now he was relieved that the other knights had vouched for you and made him change his mind and let you stay.

You were all sat in the common area, your legs casually thrown over Trudgen's lap for comfort. You each had a drink in hand, as was standard practise for you all on evenings when you had nothing else to do.

"I seriously don't think I can go much longer putting up with him constantly glaring at me." You scoffed, discussing Kylo's apparent hatred of you.

"Sure he used to do that, but now I don't think he's glaring... I don't know, I'm just not getting the same angry energy off him that I was last week." Ap'lek pondered, shrugging his shoulders.

"What do you mean?" Your brow furrowed, but Kuruk was quick to catch on.

"No, Ap'lek's right. He's not glaring, he's staring." He playfully smacked his forehead, "I can't believe we didn't spot it sooner."

"Holy shit, you're right." Vicrul was next to chime in.

You all had a low-level bond through the Force, so you knew pretty much what they were thinking, but that didn't mean you agreed with them.

"Oh come on, Master Ren won't even talk to me anymore and you think that means he likes me? He literally had his hand around my throat a week ago." You snorted, rolling your eyes.

"Yeah, well maybe you enjoyed that." Trudgen teased you from the other side of the sofa, suggestively wiggling his eyebrows, but you swiftly threw a cushion at his face to shut him up.

"It makes so much sense the more I think about it." Ap'lek laughed, shaking his head, "he won't talk to you because he doesn't know how to process emotions. Come on Nuren, when have you ever seen him flirt, or even be nice to a woman?"

Before you could reply, Vicrul summarised it, "it's because he doesn't know how!" At that they all hollered and nudged each other in agreement.

"You're all out of your minds," you laughed, "he wants me dead, not-" before you could finish your sentence with a crude joke, the blast doors flew open to reveal the man himself, and you immediately all fell silent.

It wasn't necessarily unusual for him to come and join you all in your living area, but he hadn't done so since he found out the truth about you. Not to mention, he had picked an awful moment to enter.

"What? You all look like someone's died." He huffed, helping himself to a drink before moving to sit down.

You meanwhile did the opposite and removed your legs from Trudgen's lap and stood up, retiring to your quarters without another word. You didn't particularly want to put up with his glaring, or 'staring' as the knights had now deemed it.

There was nothing to do in your quarters, and you immediately realised that you had just stormed off and now were stuck, so you made a point of dressing in some simple training clothes and heading back out to walk through the common area with your helmet in hand. You pulled it over your head before leaving the rest of the knights alone with Kylo and went off to your training area to run some drills alone.

In your absence, and after their apparent revelation, the other knights decided that that it was time to address the elephant in the room with Kylo.

"Master Ren, you know Nuren thinks that you hate her, right?" Ushar said, to which Kylo just tried to play it off with a nonchalant shrug.

"I don't hate her." He said, his tone not wavering. He certainly didn't want any of them finding out the truth behind his cold behaviour.

"Trust me, we know that." He replied, in a very pointed tone which made it clear that they had worked out the truth about Kylo's feelings, "but she doesn't know that." He then added.

He clearly wanted to protest, but it was obvious that the knights could see right through him and his nonchalance.

They simply all stared at him, expectantly, until eventually Kylo exhaled a heavy sigh, taking a long drink before speaking again. "Fine, I get the point." He rose to his feet, "I'll go and talk to her." He reluctantly agreed to do what he had been dreading. He had no idea how to process any emotion that wasn't anger.

As soon as he left, the knights began discussing every possible outcome. Little did you know that they had practically planned your wedding, since they had decided that not only would you be good for Kylo, he would be good for you.

Blissfully unaware of everything that had just happened, you were alone in the training room swinging a blunt training weapon against a dummy, who was taking the brunt of your frustration. You had left your helmet by the door.

When the blast doors opened to reveal a sheepish looking Kylo Ren, you were less than happy - and it was written all over your face. Nevertheless, you stood to attention.

"Master Ren." You nodded, "I thought you were with the others." You desperately wanted to replicate his bad attitude and make a cutting remark, but you knew that simply wouldn't help your case. No matter what, you had to show respect to your leader.

"I came to talk to you." He said, his tone coming out much darker than intended.

"With all due respect Sir, if you want me to leave that badly, it's the other knights you need to talk to - they're the reason why I'm still here." You relaxed your stance and went back to swinging at the dummy as you spoke.

"That's not it." He said, walking around to stand behind the dummy so he was in your eye-line, "I'm glad you're still here." He eventually admitted, practically through gritted teeth. Every muscle in his body had stiffened.

You stepped back from your training, brow furrowed, "you are?" You hated the way your heart rate increased at his words. Through it all, you still couldn't deny your own attraction to Kylo Ren, perhaps that was why his cold attitude had been so hurtful to you.

"Yes." He plainly said, having no inclination of what else he could possibly say.

"Then why are you acting so off with me?" You hesitantly asked, at which point he looked down at his feet. This had been the question he was hoping you wouldn't ask, because he was afraid to answer it.

"I-" he began, before sealing his lips again. Whatever words he wanted to say simply wouldn't form in his mouth. He was truly tongue-tied, but thankfully his body decided that it was ready to move again - actions did tend to speak louder than words.

Boldly, he moved towards you and captured your lips in a heated kiss, pouring all the words he couldn't say into this gesture.

You were stunned to say the least, your training weapon falling to the floor. But it wasn't long before your lips responded and returned the kiss. Kylo's arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you flush against him, your hands resting on his chest.

However, it didn't take long for your brain to catch up and you briefly pulled away from his lips for long enough to speak. "So you... like me, like me, and you tried to show me that by being miserable around me?" You asked him, just needing to clarify his odd behaviour.

Suddenly feeling much looser now that he had made a move, he responded with a smirk, "did it work?" He teased.

"Not so much, I think you perhaps need to try being less of an asshole in future Master Ren." You responded with a snarky remark, knowing that you could definitely get away with teasing him now.

"I think from now on, just Kylo is fine." He exhaled a short laugh and leaned back in to kiss you.

It wasn't long before you either had to break away, or have sex right there in the training room and you both silently agreed that the latter wasn't really a practical option.

"Your quarters?"  You prompted, still tangled in his arms.  Really this whole scenario still felt surreal to you.  You had crushed on Kylo Ren for longer than you cared to admit, then when he had found out the truth about your gender he had reacted less than favourably... and now suddenly here you were.  Only he could react to developing feels for you by acting as though he hated you.

His face dropped and he grimaced slightly, "we-uh, we can't."  He sheepishly explained.

"Why not?"  Your brow furrowed, immediately thinking that taking him back to your quarters would be quite an embarrassing affair with all of the other knights being in the common area.

"There are technicians in there repairing Lightsaber damage."  He said it casually, but you could read between the lines well enough to know that 'Lightsaber damage' meant that he'd had a tantrum and trashed his own quarters.

"Are you brave enough to come to my quarters?"  You smirked up at him with an eyebrow raised.

"I think you're overestimating how much they'll care."  He said, and you definitely couldn't fault his optimism, but you knew that the knights most certainly would care.

With the steamy moment beginning to waste away you hastily walked side by side back to the Knights of Ren's common area.  You had your helmet on again as you walked, but as soon as you entered you removed it, and it still felt surreal that you now had that freedom.

"Nuren, is that you?"  Kuruk's voice was the first to call out, none of them turning around from where they sat, still with drinks in hand.

"Yep, it's me."  You quickly said, ushering Kylo into your quarters in the hope that none of them would notice.

"Did you and Master Ren kiss and make up?"  Cardo asked, clearly teasing you, but chose to turn around at simply the perfect moment to catch you in the act.

Halfway through the blast doors to your private quarters you and Kylo froze, and a sheepish grin rose up onto your lips.

"Oh so you literally kissed and made up."  Ushar then said, the smirks appearing on all of their lips foreshadowing some relentless teasing.

"Well... kinda."  You tried to play it off, but before you could make any poor excuses, Kylo simply pulled you through the doors and had his lips on yours as they shut behind you.

As you guided him back towards the bed, you could hear the knights outside loudly wolf-whistling and jeering.

You had only wanted to be able to take your helmet off comfortably around the knights - now you not only had that, you had Kylo Ren too.  In exchange for that you could definitely put up with the teasing from your brothers.

[savagesbonergarage]

The Beginning

Maul x reader x Savage

Prompt: "Howdy, it's the anon who requested the Exploring headcanons. May I request a short fic explaining how reader met the boys?"

(a/n: Based on these headcanons. I hope this isn't too long! I tend to get carried away with these really easy so I'm sorry if it's not short enough 😅 I enjoyed this one! I hope you like it! And sorry for the delay! Warnings: none, I think? Maybe slight harassment, idk.)

Secondhand smoke wafted through the dank air of the cantina while the music blared and cups clanked, though there was no particular reason for celebration other than having survived the previous job to work again another day. The local bounty hunters were hogging the transmitters as per usual, all of them extra rowdy and extra desperate for a job that paid enough credits; not that you weren't in the same boat.

Although bounty hunting wasn't your forté, being the navigator for those who did prefer to do the dirty work simply wasn't cutting it lately. More often than not, your piloting skills were robbed by getting these drunk idiots somewhere safe on a particularly bad night. It was your own fault for being foolish enough to do it - but then again, you always were a diplomat at heart. No one else was looking after these nobodies, and truth be told you'd grown fond of their antics. Their constant alcohol-fueled advancements, not so much.

"Baby, you're so *hic* good to me," a drunken weequay slurred as he tugged on your arm, "you gotta let me kiss ya, ya know, ta say thanks."

"You smell like a hutt's refresher, Chev." Your retort didn't seem to phase him, no matter how hard you rolled your eyes. In fact, it only seemed to encourage him.

"A Hutt! Am I a powerful Hutt, like *hic* Jabba? Will you do a little dance for me, baby?"

His reply earned some muffled laughs from many of the men that were listening in, the newbies among them intrigued to see what kind of woman you were, and the regulars in anticipation for what was to come. You even caught a glimpse of Asajj's temporary gaze from her seat in front of you as she seemed ready to lend a hand, knowing that no one with any sense would dare to mess with her. You shot a reassuring look her way, your smirk enlightening her to your intentions as you removed the weequay's grip.

"Tell you what, Chev," you began, a light of hope going off in his face, "If you can steadily walk three whole laps around the bar, I'll do it."

He practically lept out of his skin, spilling his drink all over Embo's anooba which elicited a barrage of vicious growls from the creature, though it's owner held it back.

"Really? You'll *hic* dance for me?!"

You leaned in closer, feigning a silkiness in your voice.

"I'll do more than that."

Chev darted back up onto his feet with all the determination and resolve in the galaxy and fixed his wonky hat.

"I won't disappoint you, m'lady!"

He didn't make it seven steps in before he tripped over his own boot and crashed into the ground. You almost felt bad for leading him on like that, but it was for his own good. One of his buddies bent over to check on him and confirmed that he was down for the count, but okay. Endo mumbled something in his native language about how Chev was as sloppy with his drink as he was with his kills and that if it weren't for you doting on the more pathetic hunters in the area, there would be more jobs to go around. You reminded him of the times you had to rescue his own ass, and he kept quiet.

Still, you couldn't help but ponder the truth of his words. This profession wasn't for people like you, especially not in the service of bounty hunters and the like. Your heart was a little too big for the world of dubious credit-earning, and sympathy wasn't going to keep your ship running.

Your train of thought was broken by the sudden exciting activity surrounding the main transmitter.

"Whoa! A million credits?! Who is this Savage Opress?"

Asajj wasted no time in taking the target for herself, and no one objected. You did manage to get a glimpse of the man the well-paying bounty listed, however - a black and gold-skinned zabrak, with a countenance full of hate and the eyes of a predator. You were intrigued to say the least, and curious as to what kind of wrongdoings occurred to have that large of a bounty placed on his head. There was a pull that tugged at your chest the longer you stared at the holoprojection, as though the force itself were trying to tell you something. You weren't even sure if you believed in the force, but whatever this feeling was, it gradually became overwhelming. The moment Asajj left the vicinity you rose from your seat, determined to find the answers you sought.

*

I might actually be losing my mind this time, you thought as you sat in the cockpit of your ship, watching earnestly as Asajj's ship disappeared from view into the atmosphere. You had strategically placed an untraceable tracker beneath it before she flew off and it seemed to remain undetected the longer you waited, forcing you to commit to your actions. You didn't even know what you were trying to do exactly - steal the bounty from her? Simply follow her to the destination and wait for another sign?

A sigh escaped your lips as the tracker revealed her ships course on your display screen, the far planet of Raydonia coming into view. To head out that far into the galaxy after an infamous bounty hunter chasing a mysterious and likely dangerous bounty was nothing short of insane, and yet you guided your ship into space anyway. You wondered if you would ever spend a night in that cantina again.

You carefully navigated into the belsmuth sector without detection, making sure to maintain plenty of distance between you and Ventress' transport. By the time the lush planet of Raydonia came into view, she had already made contact with the planets surface a few minutes beforehand. You debated on whether or not you should also land your craft, or remain off-world until you had a better idea of what you were even out there for. Settling for the latter, you shifted power to your ships cloaking device and waited. Whether you liked it or not, that overwhelming feeling was telling you that whatever you were seeking would be coming to you - and no, you didn't particularly like it.

I should turn back. I have no desire to cash in on this job, assuming I would even succeed at it. There is... darkness. Maliciousness.

You swallowed as you watched a large vessel that appeared to be a turtle tanker exit Raydonia's atmosphere and a sharp jolt plunged into your chest. It was there, whatever it was. Something sinister. Your survival instincts begged you to flee, to live to work another day and avoid the sure danger that was aboard that freighter, and yet...

The cockpit of the tanker was ejected from the main vessel into space, and you sensed that Asajj wasn't successful in collecting the bounty. Was it your turn? Were you actually going to risk your life for such a dangerous job that you had no chance in hell of surviving? Your nails dug so hard into your arms that painful little half-moons littered your skin and your teeth clenched in frustration. Did you want to die?

Why am I attracted to this darkness? This evil? Why am I here? Maybe it will kill me, but...I have to know.

Your hands seized your ships controls and you pushed forward to the freighter, unsure of what to expect, and even more unsure of what the maelstrom in your heart was made up of. Your little vessel was small enough to dock against the side of the turtle tanker, latching on without a hitch. Any sensible person would absolutely not have done that, let alone shut off all power depriving yourself of any defenses or means of escape. Hell, maybe you did want to die.

Suddenly, you felt it. They sensed you the moment your transport connected to theirs.

There's more than one?

A burning crimson saber penetrated through the durasteel frame, sending sparking embers of warning your way as you left your seat and stood exactly in harm's way with your hands behind your back. The blade was making quick work of the metal, nearly completing a makeshift doorway into the unknown, however you remained unafraid. Against all odds, fear wasn't holding you back; not even after the giant durasteel puck came crashing down to reveal what you had apparently come all this way to find.

The wielder of the saber was none other than the large black and gold zabrak you had glimpsed back at the cantina and beside him was another of his kind, only with vermilion skin that ended at his torso, with strong metal droid-like appendages serving as his legs. They were a sight to behold, fearsome and clearly dangerous, and that darkness...

You didn't have much time to think before the larger of the two zabraks threw you over his shoulder and brought you into the freighter's cargo hold, then threw you down against a pile of shipping containers. You winced in pain yet remained fairly calm, even with the tip of the vicious giant's saber at your neck. His gaze met yours, those luminous golden orbs filled with the beastial rage and hate that served as any predators message to their prey before they were killed. Strangely, it fascinated you. If what was in your heart was reflected in your own eyes, there was no acknowledgment of it in his.

"Savage, who is this?"

Your attention moved to the crimson zabrak at the sound of his surprisingly sultry voice as he moved closer, though it was laced with the intentions of a killer. The darkness enveloped him like a veil of blackness, as though he had been molded by it. For all you knew, maybe he had been. These men likely weren't going to let you leave this vessel alive. The man called Savage uttered a resounding growl, once again making you aware of the deadly weapon at your throat.

"I don't know, brother."

He dug his strong hand into your shoulder and pulled you closer to the hot blade, your skin burning in anticipation.

"Why are you here?"

Your voice was firm, but quiet.

"I wish I knew."

Your answer wasn't satisfactory enough, and Savage grabbed you by the throat and pressed you down onto the hard surface of a container. It was painful and you struggled to breathe, but you didn't lash around or try to pull his hand away when you wrapped your own around his massive wrist. His brother now stood to your side, his countenance displaying curiosity and interest more than anything.

"It seems she's being complacent, Savage. Allow her to speak freely."

He reluctantly released you from his grip, allowing you to slide your back against the cold container as you held and cleared your throat. His saber was still ignited and they both remained menacingly close, not that you were foolish enough to try anything. The red zabrak spoke again, this time asserting his dominance by handling the interrogation.

"How did you find us?"

You felt compelled to relay everything truthfully and without compromise, so you did exactly that.

"I tracked Ventress here. In all honesty, I have no idea what I sought or for what reasons, but I knew she would lead me to it."

Savage growled once more, pointing his saber in your direction.

"Are you a bounty hunter?"

"Only when necessary."

"Did you come here to collect?"

"I considered it. I knew I wouldn't be able to, nor did I think it would be wise to try."

"And yet here you are," Savage's brother interjected, a small smirk tugging at his lips, "Tell me, do you have any idea what we are?"

You analyzed them closely, the pull of the force fueling your answer.

"You're Sith."

He now smiled fully.

"Very observant. I sense that the force is present in you, little one. I assume you have no allegiance?"

You wanted to deny his claim, but deep down you knew he was right. How else would you have gotten yourself in this situation? Furthermore, you suspected if you weren't force-sensitive, you would have died a long time ago.

"Not particularly."

You sensed Savage's frustration before he spoke.

"Brother, we don't have time for this. We need to focus on our mission, not toy around with this girl. Let's dispose of her."

His words were unsettling, yet you still didn't feel afraid. You wondered if you did come here to die after all. His brother must have sensed this among your other winding thoughts, as he knelt down to be closer to you.

"Do you not fear death? Do you not fear us?"

Again, you answered honestly.

"I suppose I should, but no. I don't. I'm not sure why. You're powerful and strong and I sense the atrocities you've committed, but I don't fear it."

"If not fear or anything similar, what is it that you feel?"

You swallowed, part of you wanting to be ashamed, the other longing to admit your truth freely.

"I suppose if anything, I feel...admiration. Perhaps a longing to contribute to whatever cause ignites such passion. I have no desire for power necessarily, but I have a desire to-"

"-to serve?"

You felt so exposed at the realization of your own needs, especially under the watchful eyes of the two Sith Lords that invaded your space. You particularly didn't want to admit to something as submissive as servitude, yet there was no use in denying it. Your face flushed a little before your tone regained it's firmness.

"Kill me if you like. Whether or not I live or die, I won't be leaving this ship. If you do decide to end me, will you give me the satisfaction of knowing your goals beforehand? I want to know what marks the sith intend to make on the galaxy."

The red zabrak nearly chuckled, cupping your chin in his fingers.

"What is your name, little one?"

You relayed it to him, part of you melting after hearing it echo from his lips with that voice of his. He proceeded with his own introduction.

"I am Maul. I was apprentice to the most powerful being in the galaxy once, but a Jedi took all that away from me and more. I suffered for more than a decade with my injured body and mind, until Savage discovered me and I was restored. I have sworn revenge against that very same Jedi who has only just escaped here, and now it is certain that every Jedi will be seeking us."

Revenge, huh? Yeah, that checks out.

Savage was still anxious to get this over with. You pondered Maul's words, your foolish heart finding any sympathy for the Jedi lacking. It already had been ever since the start of the clone war, however that pull once again drew your emotions in favor of the sith. You voiced your suggestions genuinely.

"If that's true, you'll need an army. Experience has shown me that if you have enough credits, bounty hunters will be loyal to anyone. There's no shortage of them among the pirates on Florrum. As for credits, the Meridian sector isn't far from here. I don't think there would be much stopping you from acquiring all that you would need."

Maul smiled. He rose up and offered his hand to you, the heat of his skin unexpected after you took it and got back onto your feet.

"It is the will of the Force. Savage, I believe we have our first recruit."

*

From that moment on, you became the beacon that guided the zabrak brothers across the galaxy. Your navigation and negotiation skills proved more useful than they ever could have imagined. Eventually they grew just as fond of you as you were of them, your relationships nearly bordering on casual romance at times; and you wouldn't have it any other way.

[agentwhiskeysdarlin]

Locked Out

(gif credit to @pedropascalito​)

Request from @murdermewithbooks​ above

Pairing: Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2,121 (it’s Jack y’all)

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: cursing, little alcohol consumption, smutty smutty times my friends, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it kids), not edited as usual

Author Notes: I had planned to stop this when they started eating the pie and well that did not happen. I have one more request left and it is for Ezra and I am high key scared to write for him so be patient with me on that one. I have a list of lined up things coming for you guys I am super excited about. Thank you to everyone for your kind words and support on my writing it seriously means THE WORLD to me. I hope you enjoy this fun times with our favorite cowboy.

ao3 link for story

   A cool breeze swept its way through your apartment windows. When you had awoke that morning and saw how nice out it was you could not help but raising the few windows in the small place you called home. Country music played softly around you as you dusted away at the shelves in your main room. You had scored a few days off after a rather busy few weeks at work and you had a long overdue list of things to do and you had to get them all done. The second your feet hit the floor that morning you changed into clothes you didn’t mind getting dirty and didn’t even bother with your hair just pulling it up on top of your head. You were incredibly determined to get this list done if it killed you so you might find a small amount of space to relax for once. 

  You glanced at the clock on your phone to see it was just before noon and you knew the little lady who set up a small stand would probably be up and going good now. You tended to make your way down there several times a month to stock up on fresh fruit, veggies and if you were lucky sometimes a pie of sorts. Your stomach growled at the thought and you rolled your eyes at it. You decided with your stomach fussing like it was to go get the small errand taken care of. You grabbed your phone and walked out the door turning the bottom lock and walking out.

  The day was incredibly beautiful and it was days like today you wished you had an actual home so you could have flower beds and gardens to work on and inevitably kill but it would at least give you more fresh air. The market wasn’t far but you took your time. You were greeted with a wide smile from the lady you had gotten to know.

  “Hello Miss. (Y/N)!”

  “Hello Mrs. Mason! How are you?”

  “Oh honey I am just fine and yourself?” She came around her table and hugged your neck tight.

  “I’m doing good trying to get some things around the place done but I had to come down here and stock up and pray you have one of those pies of your,” you spoke with a wide smile.

  “Oh you bet I do! Apple or Strawberry?”

  “I’ll take an apple you know I can’t resist it along with the usual please ma’am.”

  She gathered everything and bagged and boxed things before you swapped her with some cash and you two said your goodbyes before you started back on your walk. You hopped up the stairs and into your apartment complex coming to a halt at your door. You sat the bag of the fresh produce at your feet keeping the apple pie balanced in your hand as you went to dig for your keys. 

  Shit. No you couldn’t have forgotten your damn key. Oh but you did. After pulling your pockets inside out you let your head fall back and let out a frustrated little sigh much louder than you intended. The door next to yours opened at the noise and you neighbor Jack stuck his head out before the rest of his body followed him at the sight of you. 

  “Everything alight there (y/n)?” 

  You and Jack had been neighbors for awhile now. You had watered his planets and kept an eye on the place when he had to go off for work and he always returned the favor if able when you went of town. You considered him a friend after sharing small moments of flirtation and long chats in the hallway or even the few times he had returned while you were taking care of things in his apartment. The man left you tongue tied and never failed to make you blush. He was a handsome, charming, southern gentleman and you wouldn’t lie he made your knees weak.

  “I locked myself out of my apartment,” you said it with such shame before your forehead connected with your door softly.

  “Well why don’t you call the land lord and come on in here. I can at least put that stuff in the fridge where it will be kept fresh and you can pay me back by letting me have a piece of that pie,” he leaned agains the wall and shot you that damn smirk of his.

  “Are you sure? I don’t want to interfere,” the look you knew you were giving him was pathetic.

  “Get in here,” he simply stated before moving forward and grabbing up the bag.

  You followed him into his apartment and placed the pie on his kitchen island.

  “Want anything to drink or anything?”

  “I’m fine thank you Jack,” you gave him a small smile before picking up your phone and dialing the landlords number.

  You spoke briefly with the woman on the other line who had told you to your misfortune that she was out of town for the day for her son’s baseball tournament and it would be tomorrow before she could bring her spare. You ran your hand over your face before thanking her and hung up.

  “That looked like bad news.”

  “She’s out of town for the day and won’t be able to bring me a key until tomorrow morning.”

  “Alright well then you stay here tonight. You can take my bed and I’ll take the couch no big deal,” Jack just shrugged before walking to the kitchen and opening the box that contained the pie.

  “Jack no you don’t have to…”

  “Not another word darlin’. It’s not a big deal.”

  He cut two pieces of pie, one for each of you and fixed you both a small glass of milk. You both slid into the stools on each side of the island.

  “Jack thank you. Seriously I owe you.”

  “I’ll remember that,” he shot you a wink before digging his fork into his pie and taking a bit. 

  The rest of the night was spent catching up with Jack, laughing and talking until the sun had well set. You two seemed to inch closer and closer to each other as the night went on and the alcohol you had been sipping on was making you brave.

  “You know this had been nice to catch up with you. I haven't laughed like this in awhile,” you gave Jack a small smile looking down and catching his fingers between yours.

  “Darlin’ this has been really nice,” he gave your hand a small squeeze and with his free hand tilted your head up to look at him.

  His eyes searched over your face and your eyes for a brief second. His hand grazed over your cheek for a moment, moving hair behind your ear. He seemed to be battling something as his eyes continued to search for the answer anywhere on your face.

  “(Y/N) can I kiss you?” His voice came out a whisper.

  “Yes Jack please,” your voice matched his.

  His lips crashed against yours and you instantly melted to him. Your arms wrapped around his neck and his fingers laced in his hair at the nap of his neck. One of his hands wrapped around to the back of your neck to insure you didn’t disappear from him anytime soon, his other arm slipping around your waist and pulling you into his lap. Your legs landed on each side of him and he pulled you as close as he possibly could never letting his lips slip from yours. His hands began to travel up your shirt and causing you to shiver as his skin connected with yours. He worked your shirt up your body and unconnected your lips just long enough to slip it over your head and discard it to the floor. You were eager to connect back to him and now it was your turn to let your hands wonder up his shirt and over his chest. He let out a soft moan against your lips before removing himself from you again to help slip his shirt off. 

  “Here stand up,” he was breathless and the both of you panted as you hurried to stand.

  It was a mess of hands and fingers fumbling with the remaining clothes that soon left your bodies. Neither of you cared to even make it to the bedroom as Jack sat back down and you crawled back into his lap and your lips were falling onto each other again. Jack’s hands started to knead at your breast, his skilled fingers pulling at your nipples and causing you to moan and arch your back into him. His hands contained their decent down your body while his lips moved to your jaw and the your neck reaching everywhere they possibly could. His fingers finally found their way to the place you had been aching for him. They slid up your already wet slit and started to move slow, small circles on your clit. You reached down finding his already hard cock and started to pump it slowly earning a groan from him. 

  “Jack please…I need you…in me…now,” you spoke between pants and moans.

  Jack wasted no more time. You sat up slightly and he lined himself up with your entrance before you slowly slid down on him both of you releasing a groan of pure pleasure finally feeling each other. You settled down until Jack was as deep in you as he could go. You only set for a few short moments before wrapping your arms around his neck and began moving up and down on his cock. His hands planted on your ass to help you move and keep your balance as you set a rapid, desperate pace. 

  “You feel so fucking good darlin’,” Jack moaned out as he brushed his lips again across your neck.

  “Feel so good Jack, so deep, so perfect,” you were a mess of moans and pants.

  Jack sat up more and took a hold of you moving slightly deeper in you which you didn’t think was possible before he started to fuck up in you. You let out a loud moan knowing the neighbors on the other side of Jack were going to hate you both but in that moment you cared less. Jack hit your spot over and over again and buried your head in his shoulder moaning loudly against him.

  “I’m so close Jack.”

  “Let go for me darlin’,” his voice was low in your ear and it was all it took to push you over.

  Your body shook and you bit into Jack’s shoulder causing him to groan. Your sight seemed to black out for a short moment before you could feel Jack moving sloppy and quicker inside you before he tipped off the edge himself. He left his own mark on your neck as he guided you both through and down from your highs and the two of you relaxed, completely spent in each others arms. You sat like that for a moment before Jack skillfully picked you up removing himself from you and carrying you to his bathroom. He sat you on the closed lid of the toilet and reached over to turn the shower on. When the water was perfect he took your hand and you both slipped under the warm water sighing at the feeling of it.

  The two of you didn’t speak much as you washed and shampooed each other. You had imagined so many times what life with this man would be like and never once did you think it would be this comfortable. You had just had sex for the first time and you had no clue where this was going but my god you hoped it didn’t end after tonight. The shower was soon cut off and the two of you helped the other dry off. You didn’t bother with clothes as you both slipped into Jacks bed and he pulled you close by your hips and you faced him.

  “What does this mean Jack?” Your voice was more nervous than you wanted it to be and you cursed yourself for it.

  “Well I was kind of hoping it would mean you would be my girl darlin’,” he gave you that damn smirk again before kissing your nose.

  “I would want nothing more Jack,” the smile on your face could break it with how wide it had grew.

  Jack matched it before gently kissing you and pulling you to him both of you slipping into a dream land that could not be any better than where the both of you were now, in each other’s arms.

Tagged: @jimmythegirl​ @harrytags​ @arcadianempress​ @discogrrl​ @immundusspiritu​ @someplace-darker​ @tarrevizslas​

[chimchimsauce]

Maniac: Stalker

Over the course of one week, Min Yoongi transitioned from YN’s sweet, lovable boyfriend into a complete nightmare - a maniac determined to make her life hell.

Rain patters down on the roof as YN taps the edge of her pencil against her five subject notebook, trying to think of what she should write next. This essay she’s working on isn’t due for another month, but if here’s something she hates, it’s the possibility of turning anything in late. She’d much rather stay up all night weeks early and be finished than to stress and cram last minute.

But for now, she’s sufficiently stuck, mind blanking on what she could possibly add to her essay about historical English literature. With a sigh, YN pushes away from her desk to massage her temples. As an art major, YN wishes she could just focus on her paintings instead of having to take general education classes, but sadly that is not the case.

She rolls her head around to loosen her stiff muscles and trots downstairs for a midnight snack. Thankfully, the college YN attends isn’t far from her childhood home, allowing her to save thousands by not living in the dorm. It also means that YN can work on her art projects without having to worry about creeping into her roommate’s personal space. YN downs a glass of water and looks at the clock, realizing that it’s already a little past one in the morning.

“That’s a good enough excuse to pick up that essay again this weekend,” she says to herself, drying her glass and placing it back into the cupboard.

Someone (most likely her Dad) left the TV on, so YN grabs the remote to turn it off, hesitating when she realizes the door to her art studio is slightly open. Frowning, YN leaves the TV on and goes to investigate. She knows that she hasn’t been in the studio today - hasn’t even been in there this week. Her parents know not to go in there because YN is very particular about not letting anyone see her work until it’s finished. So why . . .

The overhead lights buzz when she turns them on, humming lowly in a sound that is usually comforting to her. Her workspace is illuminated, a large drawing table taking up most of the space inside. Shelves full of paint, brushes, and other art supplies line the walls, as well as a gigantic mural her parents let her paint when it became apparent that art was her passion back in middle school. In the furthest corner, right next to the only and slightly opened window (did she do that?) is an easel holding a covered painting, one she hasn’t been able to work on for months.

With her throat suddenly feeling dry, YN places the TV remote on the table and makes her way to the window, being sure to close it tightly and lock it. For a moment, she stalls in front of the covered painting, almost wanting to reach out and reveal what’s hidden underneath. Just as her fingers brush across the cloth, lightning strikes, startling her so thoroughly that she trips over her own feet and grasps the cloth as a lifeline, ultimately landing firmly on her butt and revealing the half-finished painting in all of its glory. YN freezes as she is forced to come face to face with her creation, face to face with the portrait of the only man she’s ever loved - the only man she’s ever hated.

The memories come rushing in even though she tries not to think about it, tries not to let the past affect her. And yet . . .

The day is warm. It’s the middle of May and classes have just ended for the year. YN can barely believe that she’s successfully made it through her first year of college. All she wants to do now is head home and take a three-day-long nap. Before she can head to her car to begin making that dream a reality, something cold touches her forearm, causing her to jump slightly. When she turns, she is greeted by her happily smiling boyfriend.

“Yoongi!” she shouts, hitting his arm playfully, “What are you doing here?”

“I came to congratulate you on surviving her for a whole year,” he says, placing the beverage into her hand, “Oh, and to give you think. I know you probably haven’t had anything to drink all day.”

YN smiles sheepishly, looking bashful.

“You got me there,” she says, taking his gift and cracking it open.

The bubbles feel nice on her throat.

“But I know you’re up to something else,” she says, eyeing him somewhat warily.

The two of them have been dating since her junior year of high school. She knows Yoongi like the back of her hand by now.

“Just . . . stuff with my Dad again. He’s pissing me off.”

“Oh no,” YN says, reaching out with her free hand to touch his shoulder, “Is everything alright?”

Yoongi has always had a bit of a rocky relationship with his father. His mother passed away when he was just twelve years old, and his dad has taken up some toxic ways of handling stress. From gambling to drugs and alcohol, his dad has done and tried it all. It put Yoongi in a really rough place, so by the time he met YN, he was just about to go down that path his won self. But YN and her family reminded him of the good days, the days when his father made him feel safe and loved. She made him oh so desperately want to be a better person than his father had the ability to be, encouraging him to follow his dreams of becoming a producer and landing them both at the prestigious college they attend today.

Yoongi shrugs.

“Alright enough. He wants me to head home for a bit to talk about something important. I’m not sure what it is, but I wanted to let you know that I won’t be home for family dinner tonight.”

Yoongi is practically part of YN’s family at this point. Her parents adore him and her mother has been dropping some not so subtle hints about a wedding some time in the future.

“Okay. I’ll be sure to tell my mom,” she says.

Yoongi pulls her into a tight hug, one which betrays his true anxieties about his upcoming trip. YN isn’t sure what his dad told him, so all she can do is melt into his embrace and rub his back, being there for him.

“Thanks for the drink,” she says once he pulls away, “And I’ll see you soon, okay? I love you.”

“I love you more,” Yoomgi replies, kissing the top of her head and heading off, disappearing into the fray.

If only YN had known how much her life would change, she would have stopped him from going, screamed and kicked until he agreed to stay with her, to not go visit his despicable, scummy excuse for a dad. But hindsight is 20/20.

Yoongi didn’t call her when he returned from visiting his father. In fact, he was blatantly ignoring all of her calls. Paranoia began to build up inside of her, the young woman worrying that something had happened to her beloved boyfriend.

It wasn’t until she tried to visit him at his shared apartment to demand answers that she even began to understand what happened.

“He what?” YN asks, blinking at one of Yoongi’s roommates in confusion.

“Yoongi moved out a few days ago. Didn’t tell us why, just handed us a stack of hundreds, grabbed his stuff and left. He didn’t tell you?”

“I - no . . .” YN says, perplexed beyond belief.

What on Earth is happening?

“Sorry . . .” the other man (YN thinks his name is Jungkook) says, smiling apologetically at her.

“No, thank you for telling me,” she says, readjusting her purse on her shoulder and turning around, trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

She tries to call Yoongi again but is once more sent to voicemail. Determined to find him, YN embarks on a trip across town, checking all of Yoongi’s usual hang out spots. He isn’t in the coffee shop or the comic book store. She can’t find him at the independent recording studio or at the park where he likes to write songs.

Thoroughly exhausted and so nervous she’s almost shaking, YN steps into a small restaurant - the most expensive one in the area. She’d never be able to afford to eat there, but her friend Taehyung works as a waiter here and he usually takes his break around this time. She just really needs some comfort right now.

The waitstaff doesn’t look too disgusted by her casual attire and somewhat messy appearance - they’re used to her showing up to see Taehyung.

Thankfully he’s on his break, just like she predicted.

“Oh my gosh, Tae,” YN says as the two of them slide into a booth near the corner of the restaurant, “I think I’m losing my mind.”

“Why? What’s wrong?” her best friend asks, concerned.

YN doesn’t usually get this frazzled

“Yoongi’s basically shut me out and disappeared off the face of the planet,” YN says, clenching her fists together as if that will help anything at all.

“Did you guys have a fight or something?” Taehyung asks, frowning.

Yoongi and YN have always been a power couple. The two rarely got into a fight at all, and when they did they soon blew over completely.

“No. Last weekend he went to visit his dad and then radio silence. He was perfectly fine beforehand. I don’t know what’s wrong. And Tae . . .” YN says, leaning forward and widening her eyes, “He left his apartment! Pulled out of the lease and everything!”

“What?!” Taehyung says, this tone catching the attention of some of the other patrons who send him a dirty look, “Is he okay?! Did his dad do something?!”

“I don’t know!” YN says, glad not to be the only one freaking out, “Should I call the police?”

Before Taehyung can reply, the door opens and a small crowd of men enters. At first, YN doesn’t pay them any attention at all. They’re dressed just like everyone else - wearing outfits that probably cost a whole semester of tuition. They settle into the booth in the corner, one table between them and YN. Their chattering is obnoxious in a way that only rich brats can pull off. It’s as if they don’t even notice the other people in the restaurant.

The college town they’re in has a strange mix of really rich and not so rich people. It’s definitely a higher-end area with a great school that recently began to give out a ton of scholarships, pulling in a lot of different people from different backgrounds. You can definitely still tell who is who, though.

The group of men all take their seats and YN’s breath catches in her throat as she catches sight of her boyfriend. He’s almost unrecognizable. His dark hair has been bleached blonde, the color of white corn. He’s dressed to the nines too, wearing outfits YN knows for a fact he didn’t own last week.

“What the fuck,” she whispers, causing Taehyugn to turn around.

The other man’s eyebrows knit in confusion.

“What about that broad we see you hanging out with, Min Suga?” one of the boys asks loudly, leaning against the booth with a confidence that falls straight into the arrogant category.

“Hm?” Yoongi asks.

It’s clear that he hasn’t caught sight of YN yet. She’s just about to stand up and rush over to him, but Taehyung stops her.

“Maybe we should just watch for a bit,” he whispers, sinking low into the booth and peeping as conspicuously as possible.

“What? But . . .”

“Shh!” Taehyung hisses.

“Yeah, Suga, that arty girl. She your girlfriend? I see you hanging out all the time,” a different guy says.

“Oh please!” The third person says, “No way in hell. Everyone knows that art hoes are crazy.”

YN’s shoulders tense up and she has to fight the words springing up in her throat. Surely her Yoongi will -

“Nah, she’s just some weirdo who likes hanging around me. We went to the same high school and she’s used that as an excuse to cling onto me.

“Ah. So she’s a watcher,” Guy one says.

“A stalker!”

“A psychopath!”

All four of them cackle like a pack of hyenas. It’s then that Yoongi finally looks up and catches YN’s eye.

“She’s a fucking maniac,” he says, looking YN dead in the eye.

Her world comes to a screeching halt as Yoongi dismisses her so cruelly and completely without explanation.

“I’m leaving,” she tells Taehyung, standing up to leave as tears gather in her eyes.

“Isn’t that her now?” One of the others says, “Did she follow you here as well?”

“What a fucking creep!”

“Hey!” One of them shouts loudly, catching the attention of everyone in the venue, “Stop being such a psycho! Don’t you know that people like you aren’t anything to people like us? Stop bothering Suga and fuck off!”

Before YN can even move, something cold covers her skin and glass shatters on the floor, causing a few people to scream.

One of them had snatched a pitcher of water from one of the waiters and thrown it at her.

“The fuck is your problem, man!” Taehyung demands, no longer able to stand idly by.

“Don’t,” YN whispers to him, skin stinging from the glass that sliced her. Tears are falling down her face now, “You have to worry about your job,”

“Fuck this job!” Taehyung says, getting ready to snatch one of those arrogant assholes by the collar and wring his neck.

“Kim Taehyung!” A voice shouts.

It’s his manager.

“Hand over your badge right now! That is no way to treat a guest!”

“But!”

“Now!”

The two of them are then shoved out of the restaurant, Taehyung comforting a sobbing and trembling YN as best he can. It was the first day of her new life - the first day of hell.

YN rises to her feet and recovers the painting, shaking. Lightning flashes once more and she swears she sees a figure outside in her yard.

Hey there! I hope you guys enjoy this little miniseries I have planned for this month! If you want to be tagged, add yourself here.

Tag List:

@bartiertae @helperofthenight​ @knjkitten​ @coffeeismylife28​@childofmoonbeams​ @lizardthewizzard @jalexa83 @crackhead1-800 @kawaiimusiccollection​ @bibbykins​ @btsenchanting 

[elysianrey]

 let me take your coat (and this weight off your shoulders)

He first notices her after his Thursday afternoon therapy session with Dr. Raynor. 

His brain begins to automatically profile her as it does with most people he interacts with these days. Short. At least 5’3”. Petite frame. Shoulder length, brown hair. Soft features. Brown eyes. Mid 30s. Jittery legs. Twisting fingers.

Old habits die hard, he supposes. 

She’s sitting in the waiting area of the mental health facility, eyes briefly meeting as his footsteps fall past her chair on his way out of the office. 

She looks familiar. 

Her eyes echo the same sentiment of recognition, which causes an uneasy feeling to creep into the pit of his stomach. His fingers tighten around the small leather notebook in his jacket pocket. The moment is broken as he shifts his attention back to the polished flooring. 

His gloved hand pushes the door open, leaving the brunette woman alone. 

+

 He spends the evening rifling through the pages of his notebook. His mind shuffles through the faces like an old film roll. Then he hits replay after his initial check. 

 Again. 

 Again. 

 Again. 

 He combs his fingers through his hair as he leans against the wall of his apartment. He lets out a small sigh of relief. 

 No connections to her are in the book. 

 +

 It becomes a habit for him every Thursday.

 Leave Dr. Raynor’s office. Walk through the lobby. Make eye contact with the brunette woman, whom he still can’t seem to place. Consider acknowledging her with a grin. Decide against it. Look down at the ground. Leave the facility. 

 He realizes he’s capable of acting more- human? Normal? Like an actual functioning adult in the twenty-first century. Dr. Raynor kindly reminds him of it every session, and yet, the creeping feeling of self-doubt never fails to get the better of him. 

 Yesterday. 

 Today. 

 And probably tomorrow. 

 +

 She’s not in the waiting area the following Thursday. 

 His feet pick up their pace to exit the facility that day, seeing as he has no real reason to take his time. His chest twinges in disappointment, despite having no good reason to. He doesn’t even know her name. In fact, the only real thing he knows about her is that she meets with a therapist on Thursday afternoons. Like him. 

 Which meant she was working through some stuff. Like him. 

 As he approaches the door, his eyes focused on the ground, the force of a body slamming into him nearly knocks him on his ass. His hands instinctively rise to steady the person apparently in a rush today. Then his breath catches upon realizing who is standing between his outstretched arms. 

 Her eyes are red-rimmed, cheeks puffy, and when she lifts her head to apologize, she suddenly begins to aggressively wipe away the tears streaming down her cheeks. Embarrassment mixing with the despair she is clearly experiencing. 

 He stammers. “I—are you ok—?”

 Before he can finish his question, she pulls back and cuts him off. “I’m so sorry—I really have to—“ 

 She stumbles around him and disappears past the receptionist and down the hall without another word, leaving him feeling confused and concerned all at the same time. 

 +

 He spends the next week worrying about her. 

 It’s better than worrying about his own demons. 

 Strangely, it gives his brain a small sense of relief.

 +

 Dr. Raynor has to reschedule for Friday. 

 He leaves flowers at the receptionist desk and tells them they’re for the brunette woman who comes in at 3. 

 He hopes she gets them. 

 +

 She’s approaching him before he has the chance to register her appearance in the lobby. Her small, yet self-assured frame blocks his exit to the double doors. She’s speaking and he immediately picks up that she uses her hands to get her point across. 

 “Hi. I just want to apologize for what happened a couple weeks ago. I hope I didn’t cause too much damage to—,” her right hand does a sweeping motion across his chest. “Anyway... my name is Jane. Jane Foster.” The woman extends her hand, eyes finally meeting his directly. 

 She’s nervous. Hesitant. 

 He takes it in his gloved, vibranium hand and gives it a gentle shake. “James. And don’t worry about it.” She smiles and he returns the effort out of politeness. 

 She drops his hand and brushes a loose piece of hair behind her ear. “Well, it was nice to meet you James. I better head—“ She finishes her sentence by pointing in the opposite direction, toward the hallway of therapist offices. 

 He gives her a nod, stepping out of her way. Jane starts past him and before she can get too far, the words slip out of his mouth. 

 “Would you want to maybe grab a drink sometime?” James can’t help but inwardly cringe at the awkward bluntness in the question, however there’s no going back now. 

 Jane turns and bites down on her lower lip. “Yeah,” she replies. “Yeah that would be nice.”

 +

 James sits on his makeshift bed in his apartment living room, scrolling through the contacts on his phone list. Sam. Shuri. Dr. Raynor. Clint. His apartment manager. 

 And now Jane Foster. 

 Dr. Raynor wasn’t kidding when she chastised him for only having ten contacts. At least he had added one name to his list. 

 They were meeting tonight at 8 pm. She suggested a small, trendy downtown bar that had a bizarre name he couldn’t prounounce. He wonders if this date was going to be like all the others. 

 Fake. Stiff. Unbearable. 

 A small part of him tries to insist that Jane is different. Sure, he can’t logically reason how he knows this, yet he can’t shake the feeling she is different in some way to the other women he’s met since his return. 

 +

 He’s right. 

 She’s unlike anyone woman he’s ever met in the twenty-first century. 

 It’s not hard to get Jane talking about herself, and once he does, he spends nearly the rest of the evening listening to her talk about her work with space. 

 He learns she’s an astrophysicist and she’s in New York working at the Simons Foundation. She disappeared during The Blip too and now she’s trying to make up for the 5 years she lost. Jane’s passion for learning more about the universe captivates him. She shares some of the theories she has about other universes that may exist and he’s left in awe as she paints pictures into his mind of periwinkle planets, alien lifeforms, and methods of possibly meeting them. 

 She doesn’t get the chance to ask him many questions, which is a relief.

 Her laughter is light, the alcohol clearly easing the weight of the world that she wears like a prisoner around her shoulders. He doesn’t know what she was like before whatever shit got to her, but he enjoys seeing Jane this way. Carefree. 

 He asks if he can see her again. 

 She says yes. 

 +

 She texts him about an upcoming Celestial event. A telescope will allow you to see Saturn’s rings and moons all night if the sky is clear. 

 He buys a telescope and sets it up on the roof of his apartment building and spends hours watching Saturn from his point on Earth. It makes him feel like a small speck in comparison to everything beyond this planet. He wants to find out more of what this life has to offer before it’s too late and it reminds him of his effort of making amends for his past sins. 

 Clearly he still has a lot of work to do. 

 +

 She admits that she did some digging and she knows who he really is on their third date. He supposes he’s not too surprised at her inquisitiveness, but her declaration suddenly makes him feel entirely exposed and vulnerable. 

 They’re sitting in the corner of a quiet coffee shop and James eyes the nearest exit because his chest is contracting and the air is not meeting his lungs like it should. His heart hammers in his chest as hard as his metal fist did against the cryogenic cage Hyrda imprisoned him in time and time again. 

 “I have a friend who is pretty skilled at finding out about people,” she continues lowly, toying at the ceramic coffee cup. “I just—didn’t feel right lying to you about it. You looked familiar when I saw you in Dr. Raynor’s office that first day.”

 He tries to relax the muscles in his neck and shoulders. “No, I understand. So I guess you know I’m pretty messed up then?” He had never personally seen his own file, however it wasn’t hard to imagine what it contained. 

 Jane let out a breathy laugh, as if she couldn’t quite believe what he said. “Aren’t we all, James?”

 +

 The weather is nice enough to start meeting in Central Park and they begin taking strolls around the park during her lunch breaks every day. They play a game where he gets to ask her a question about her past and then she gets to ask him a question about his past and they have to answer honestly. Maybe it’s reminiscent of his meetings with Dr. Raynor, yet James is willing to open up because Jane is too, and he recognizes it’s not easy for either of them. 

 Sometimes they only get through one question, the memories being too painful, and in those moments, their fingers tentatively find the others. It’s reassuring, this insignificant brush of skin against glove, and James suddenly wishes he wasn’t wearing the gloves. It’s been too long since he’s felt the touch of another against his bare skin. 

 He decides to take the right one off when he’s with her. James makes sure he’s standing on her left side for their walks and his heart flips in his chest when she unexpectedly intertwines her fingers with his. She gives him a squeeze and he returns it, an actual smile ghosting the corners of his lips.

 Maybe his eyes are playing tricks on him or maybe it’s just the sun, but he swears he sees a faint blush creeping up her fair cheeks.

 +

 She invites him over to the apartment the foundation is paying rent for after her therapy session. Jane insists that she is more than capable of making something for the both of them that tops the usual take out they have a habit of settling for when they hang out together. So he can’t help but let out a chuckle and a teasing comment when he walks into a smoking kitchen and the fire alarm beeping wildly while a flustered Jane is scrambling to turn off the oven where a blackened chicken resides. 

 They end up ordering their usual take out.

 At the end of their sushi dinner, Jane sets her empty container on the coffee table in front of them and leans back into the armchair, tucking her feet beneath her. She’s oddly quiet and he stares from his spot across on the couch. Her brown eyes gaze distantly out the wall-length windows, her brilliant brain lost in thought. 

 He doesn’t mind the silence, of course, yet he feels a tug to pull her back from wherever she’s gone off to. “Do you ever dance?”

 Her lips curve upward. “Only if you count when I’m by myself and I have the radio blaring.” 

 James smiles at the mental image of a goofy Jane, throwing her arms and legs about in no particular rhythm. “Back in the 40s, I was known around the town for my swing dancing moves,” he informs her casually with a cock of his eyebrow. 

 She laughs, shooting him a mock expression of awe. “James Buchanan Barnes, I had no idea you were such a man of many talents.” 

 He nonchalantly shrugs and then practically bounces off the couch, extending his concealed, left hand to her. “It’s time you learn a move or two today, Ms. Foster.” 

 They rearrange some of Jane’s furniture around to make an adequate amount of space that won’t end in destruction. He begins by teaching her the basic steps, leading her slowly through each one until she insists she’s ready to go on to the next. He finds it ironic that out of all the damage Hydra did to his brain, he can still remember one of his favorite weekend activities from when he was a young man. Well, he’s still pretty young compared to his friends who were with him at the time. 

 If he’s being honest, Jane was born with two left feet, but she is determined to try regardless of her uncoordinated legs. By the end of the night, he gives her the name of a song to play on her Bluetooth speakers and they’re dancing away, Jane doing her best to keep up with the beat and James laughing every time she steps on his feet again. 

 He’s convinced he could stay in this moment forever. 

 +

 She surprises him by taking them to a jazz and swing dance club. 

 He swears he’s in love with her by the end of the evening. 

 He kisses her for the first time when they’re standing on the doorstep of her apartment. 

 +

 James is leaving Dr. Raynor’s office, ready to get as far away as possible from the head spinning forest wallpaper he’s stuck in front of every session when her words stop him in his tracks. 

 “You’re helping her, you know.” 

 He’s never said her name when they discuss her in his sessions. He assumed Jane saw Dr. Raynor too, seeing as she was connected to the superhero world, yet she’s never told him and he’s never asked. 

 He looks over his shoulder at the older woman, his hand still on the doorknob. “Actually, I think it’s the other way around.”

 +

 He has not made love to someone since before he was drafted into the war so when an evening of drinking and card games turns into take off one article of clothing every time you lose a game, James begins to sweat. He has a feeling he knows where this is leading when she’s seated on top of him, clad in only her undergarments, her hips grinding into his mercilessly. 

 It turns out she’s not a very good card player. 

 His mouth is connected to her neck, breathing a trail of wet kisses up to her ear where he bites down softly on the tip of her earlobe and she lets out a tiny whimper that nearly ends him then and there. 

 Her hands wander under the hem of his long-sleeved shirt and he freezes when she starts to tug the material upward. She senses his apparent discomfort and stops, looking down at him. 

 She’s picked up on the fact that he’s sensitive about the metal arm. “Sorry,” she whispers. “If you don’t want to take it off that’s—“

 He knows he’s ready. He knows it’s time to stop living in fear about what others will think of the hideous seam binding the vibranium to flesh. “No, I do. Just give me a second.”

 He sits up and she shifts off of him, unsure of his next move. It takes her by surprise when he sweeps her off the ground in a single motion, carrying her to the bedroom and placing her carefully on the mattress. His hands go to either side of the hem of his shirt and he tugs it off, standing bare chested before her, his silver dog tags resting against the rise and fall of his heavy breathing. 

 She stares, drinking him all in. The defined muscle. The trail of dark hair leading below the waistband of his underwear. The scars from years of battling ‘the enemy.’ Then finally, his metal arm, the leather glove still secure on his left hand. Jane rises to her knees, taking both of his hands and tugging him closer to which he does not oblige. 

 He wants her desperately. Wants to put his mouth all over her. Wants to hear her say his name. Wants to feel every inch of her on his skin. 

 “May I?” she asks, glancing down, fingers ghosting his skin. He nods and suddenly she’s running her fingers over his chest and her fingers sear, burning him, making him feel more alive than he’s felt in the past 80 years. 

 He allows her to touch every inch of him, noting how she studies the outer workings of his arm in true Jane-fashion, and when she decides to replace her fingers with her lips instead upon reaching the seam of his shoulder and arm, he lets out a moan. James is certain this woman will be the end of him. 

 He loses himself in her in more than one way that night. When she takes him, he begs her to call him ‘Bucky’ because he’s tired of acting like the name of a man he never had been in the first place. 

 He falls asleep that night to the memory of her voice whimpering ‘Bucky,’ ‘Bucky,’ ‘Bucky’ as if it were a prayer on her lips. 

 There are no nightmares. 

 +

 Dr. Raynor comments on his unusual openness at their next session. 

 She doesn’t even have to threaten him with the notebook that day. 

 +

 “Vulnerability is the essence of connection and connection is the essence of existence.” - Leo Christopher 

 +

 Longing. 

Rusted. 

Seventeen.

Daybreak. 

Furnace. 

Nine.

Benign. 

Homecoming.

One. 

Freight car. 

 The string of phrases are weaving their way into his skull and he’s trapped. There’s no escape from their cruel entrapment. He must obey. He was engineered to carry out the missions. No, he doesn’t want to obey. Fight back. Fighting makes it worse. Fighting means pain until he can fight no longer. 

 Obey. Must obey. The mission. See that it’s carried out to completion. No witnesses. No survivors.

 Bucky jolts awake in her bed, beads of sweat pooling across his brow. He’s gasping for breath and everything that’s touching him only makes his heart beat faster. He yanks the blankets off of him and sinks down against the wall facing the bed, trying to take in his surroundings and focus on what’s real. Hydra can no longer control him. He is no longer their puppet. 

 He pulls on the dog tags around his neck, using them as something to stabilize his unstable mind. His eyes slide open and he sees her sitting up in bed, watching him silently, her brow twisted in concern. 

 “Just a bad dream,” he comments quietly, inhaling through his nose, pausing, and exhaling through his mouth. 

 She remains unmoving for a moment. 

 “I get them too. Sometimes it feels like the aether is still inside me. Controlling my mind. Forcing me to bend to its wishes.” He’s only heard bits and pieces of her time on Asgard, Thor and Loki’s home planet. It’s still strange to think about the life that exists beyond Earth. 

 He wants to tell her more about Hydra, but he doesn’t. 

 “Think I’m going to stay down here for a little longer. Is it weird that I find the floor softer than the bed?” 

 “We all have our ways of coping,” she muses with a half smile. 

 He wonders what hers happen to be. 

 +

 They spend many nights together watching the starry sky from his apartment rooftop. Jane sits between his arms, pointing out the major constellations, sharing ancient stories of how they got their names. 

 Bucky listens to her words, her voice, drift through the close space they occupy. His eyes grow heavy with tiredness, his chin resting on the crown of her head. 

 He could listen to her talk about space until the end of time. 

 +

 “Are you ever going to answer him?” Jane inquires casually, settling down beside him on the couch. She grabs a blanket and tosses it over their legs. 

 She doesn’t have to say his name to know whose she’s referring to. His name appears on his phone screen nearly every day. “Maybe,” he responds indifferently. 

 Jane gives him a look that tells him she’s not going to let this one go. “He’s clearly worried about you. How hard would it be just to update him about how things are going?”

 He wants to answer with ‘nearly impossible,’ however he has a feeling she won’t drop it if he lets the words slip.

 “Just think about it, okay?” Jane must have picked up on the fact it was going to be a losing battle. 

 He nods. 

 +

 “You sent the flowers that day in the office, didn’t you?” Her breath catches sharply when he bites down on her inner thigh, then immediately tends to the bite with his lips, moving them closer and closer to his objective. 

 “Yes,” he reveals, that day in the office, far from what he’s currently fixated on. She whimpers his name once he finds his source. 

 +

 He can’t remember the last name he’s felt this angry. Bucky paces back and forth in his apartment, trying to calm down, trying to think rationally. 

 She’s leaving. 

 She’s going back to London. 

 Her work in New York was only temporary and she has no choice but to go home to continue her research with her colleagues. 

 The time he assumed they had left together has vanished. She promises they will keep in touch. She’s only a phone call away. 

 It’s not the same though. 

 It’s not the same.

 +

 “You’ve helped, you know,” she murmurs, nestled cozily in his arms. Her fingers play with his dog tags while he stares at shadows on her ceiling bedroom, trying with all his might to will her to stay if he just never lets her out of his grasp. 

 His eyebrows knit together. “Helped create more problems in your life?” he teases and she retaliates by giving the dog tags a tug. 

 “When I came back to New York, all I wanted was to be able to talk to someone about the shit life has thrown at me. That’s part of the reason I started seeing Dr. Raynor,” she admits, nuzzling deeper into his hold. “You listened and you cared, Bucky. I don’t know what I’m going to do in London without someone who actually gets it.”

 He wonders the same thing. 

 +

 On the day she leaves, he finally decides to text Sam back. 

 She was right. 

 Sam was worried about him. 

 He chooses honesty over the typical response of ‘I’m fine’ for once. 

 I’ve had better days, he writes. He’ll tell Sam more about it when they see each other again. 

 +

 It’s a Thursday afternoon when he sees him sitting in the chair next to her old spot. 

 He’s about his height (Bucky’s taller, of course). Black hair, cut close to his head. Brown eyes. And a smug smile that makes him want to punch it right off his face with his metal fist. 

 Sam rises from his seat and goes in for a hug. “Long time, no see, grandpa,” he jokes, pulling back and poking him in the chest. 

 Bucky rolls his eyes, a grin breaking across his face. “Yeah, yeah. Missed you too,” he says, pushing him away and starting toward the doors. 

 “You’ve got a lot of explaining to do. But it might have to wait until after we take care of business,” Sam states, trailing after him. 

 He wants to protest. Sam’s the last one he wants to talk about the events of the past few months with, but he’s got no one else left. 

 Bucky figures he’ll have to settle for him. 

 For now. 

[kittybellestark]

Time Can Heal All, But Maybe Not This

Tumblr deleted the original story and I was lucky enough to find it again and get screenshots of it before it disappeared for good. This story continues to delete itself but I will win this war. idc it’s 10 pages worth of writing and I backed it up this time. I will win. I cannot be stopped. Also it refused to take a page break so im sorry that half of this isn’t hidden, can’t win this battle.

Please enjoy this story I love it dearly and if you’ve read it before Tumblr deleted it and liked it im sorry that it’s here again but re-reads are always nice ? 

TW: Depression, alcoholism, drug usage, suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide, declining mental health

.

So maybe Peter didn’t have the most friends. Or the largest family. He didn’t have the most money and Peter certainly didn’t have the most luck. Peter didn’t have a lot of luck objectively speaking. Peter didn’t have a lot to give the universe and in return the universe didn’t have a lot to give Peter.

 Then one day the universe gave him Tony, and Peter shouldn’t have been as surprised as he was when Tony didn’t want to be gifted to him. Then Peter nearly died and Peter found Tony in his life, but this time for good, and not just for a trip to Germany followed up by nothing.

 Tony brought a lot to Peter’s life, a lot that was once ripped away from him. Tony brought family and warmth and happiness into the places of Peter’s life that were left empty. Tony helped Peter in all the ways that May wasn’t able to. Tony gave Peter so much, and Peter felt like he gave nothing in return.

 Then the universe gave Peter Harley. And Peter felt selfish from everything he took from Harley. He took his time and attention, he took and took and took. And it felt different than it did with Tony, the way he kept taking and taking. With Tony it was easier, just spending time, Tony still worked on important things when Peter was there. Peter didn’t take up Tony’s attention the way that he takes up Harley’s.

Peter felt selfish. All he did was take. He took up room in May and Ben’s apartment. Took up room in May’s life. Used May’s money, distracted her from her own grief of her husband. Peter took up room in Tony’s lab, a whole workbench! He took Tony’s money, (over a million dollars on the suit alone) and he took Tony’s time away from SI and the Avengers and Pepper. And Peter took Harley away from his family. Harley came to New York to meet Peter and visit Tony, but then Harley decided to stay. 

Peter wasn’t lucky, so he knew, he knew something was going to happen. It’s been a streak of good things for too long. The last bad thing that happened to Peter was Ben dying, so Peter knew because it had been so long ago that something was going to happen soon. Peter just wondered who it would be. It could be MJ or Ned or Harley or Tony or May. And Peter wasn’t ready to lose anyone. 

Peter’s life was already so full. He had so many people who meant so much for him. He had everything he’d ever dreamed of, and yet it all felt wrong. Everything felt seconds from crumbling. He has all these people who love him, and support him, Peter loves all these people and he knows, he knows that something will happen to his family. He knows that he’s going to lose someone. It’s just the way his life works.

And Peter is terrified. For good reason apparently.

The snap happens. And Peter dies in Tony’s arms. Though he only woke up what felt like a minute later, it was actually five years. He was alone on a planet with people he didn’t know. Then he was on Earth fighting a war. Then everything was over.

He was the only one of his family to be snapped. Tony gained a whole family. Ned and MJ grew up and were finishing college. May finally moved out to Italy, something she and Ben were supposed to do before Peter came into his life. And Harley moved out of New York and moved on from Peter.

Everything Peter knew changed. He didn’t have a home, or a family, he didn’t have friends. Peter knew the universe has something in store for him. He knew the universe would look down on him and laugh when it saw how comfortable Peter was. He just didn’t expect to lose everyone. Not like that. Peter never expected to be left behind.

May didn’t want to come back to New York. She didn’t want Peter anymore. The offer was made to fly him out to Italy, but May now had a boyfriend who she lived with in a small village working as a nurse to help those in the community. They had a kid together and there just wasn’t room for Peter in her life anymore.

Tony and Pepper wanted to take Peter in, but they just didn’t have the room in their house at the moment, and Tony needed a lot more attention after the snap due to his injuries and it would be a year at least until they could move back to the city and find a place with room for Peter too. Tony was still deep in recovery and he didn’t blame them for not wanting to add more to their plate, especially when they had a daughter.

Ned and MJ were adults now. They had reached out to him. MJ was going to school in California and Ned in Boston. They were happy and they were adults. Peter knew they wouldn’t be able to take him in. 

Temporarily Peter would be living on his own. With his apartment that was loaned to him from the Stark’s just until they could find a place where they’d all fit. 

Peter never tried contacting Harley. He wasn’t sure he could handle that. 

-

Peter turned 20 alone. In his little apartment in Boston, right off the MIT campus. By the time Tony and Pepper  were able to move back into the city Peter was ready to go to college. He graduated Midtown with no one in the audience cheering him on, with no friends other than Flash, who was also snapped and alone. They weren’t friends, but they were alone together.

The Starks bought the apartment by MIT for Peter. He received a full ride there, being apart of the ‘blipped’ population helped that.

But now he was 20 and still alone. He didn’t talk to May anymore, hardly spoke to Tony or Pepper. They only ever reached out when they felt guilty. It was easy for them to forget Peter when they had five years without him. 

He was drunk and alone. A combination he never thought he’d be. He always thought he’d have someone. But now he has no one. Peter was by the Sailing Pavilion now, starring out at the water wondering if it was cold. If he jumped in and swam down would anyone notice. 20 was old enough, wasn’t it?

His phone starts to ring.

Peter looks down at it, it’s Flash. No one else has called.

“Happy Birthday, Peter.” Flash says, trying to sound happy.

“Uh, yeah, Thanks.” Peter laughs. It’s fake, and sounds like he’s crying. Which he is. Of course he is. 

“Just me?” Flash asked, his voice sounding more like a whisper.

“Just you.” Peter confirms.

The two stay silent on the phone together. They stayed alone together. They understood each other in a way others couldn’t. They were left behind. They were alone. They came back to a world that didn’t have room for them. A world that no longer wanted them.

“I miss having a family.” Peter speaks up, taking another swig of the whiskey he poured into his water bottle. 

“I don’t.” Flash snorts. “I miss having people around, but not my family. They were assholes. Dad was a drunk, abusive, it wasn’t great. Mom was heavily medicated for her issues and wasn’t very present. They always loved my sister more. Now they just throw money at me and hope I stay away.”

Peter hums. “I finally felt like I had a family right before we died. I had Tony and Pepper and May. They took care of me and I didn’t feel like I deserved it. May lives in Italy now. I think she’s engaged or married probably. She has a kid. Doing her dream job. Tony and Pepper buy me things when they remember about me. But they’re not in my life. Not really. MJ and Ned are 25 now. Haven’t talked to either of them since right after the snap. And Harley... I really thought the two of us were going to be something. I loved him. He moved away when we were dead. Moved on. I haven’t spoken to him either. I knew I was going to lose someone, Flash. Parker luck and everything. I just didn’t think it would be everyone.”

“I hated you for that.” Flash sounds like he’s smiling now. “ I hated you for having a family. You were supposed to be poor, orphaned, Peter Parker. You didn’t have a family, but then you did. I had a family, but I didn’t. I wanted to have a family like you had so bad. I never thought you and I would have the same thing. I guess you have to be careful what you wish for.”

“You think anyone would miss us if we died.” Peter asked.

He took another sip of his drink, moving himself closer to the water. He held in a sob, trying to not sound suicidal on the phone with Flash. Flash was in Vermont. Peter didn’t want to panic him. 

“Peter whatever you’re thinking about doing, don’t. I refuse to plan your funeral, okay? You try anything and I’ll be in Boston so quick.”

“I’m not. I won’t. I’m not going to kill myself. Not now. I promise I’ll live another day. But do you think anyone would miss us?”

Flash was silent for a moment. He considered Peter’s words. He knew the answer already. They both did.

“No.” Flash finally said. “They’ve mourned us already, they’ve grieved for us. If we were both dead no one would miss us. They’d miss the opportunity of knowing us. They’d miss the idea of us. But no one knows us. Not anymore. Now one would miss us.”

-

Peter graduated when he was 22. There wasn’t a single person in the crowd for him. Just some empty seats and empty promises.

He was drunk and alone by the time night rolled around, a gun in his hand. There was a party raging on down the road, loud enough that people probably wouldn’t recognize the sound of a gun going off. 

Bringing the gun up to his head, he drank more whiskey and cried. Peter’s finger hovered over the trigger, when he thought of Ben. He watched him bleed out everywhere, saw him get shot, watched the life face from his eyes.

Peter couldn’t do this tonight. Not with a gun.

-

At 25 Peter was still alone. He had a good job, a good company really, bought it out when he realized the company was about to fail and that his net worth was higher than the company who pays him. He travelled the world, as CEO. Accidentally made a name for himself. He was famous for some research, he couldn’t remember what. He was in the public eye often. Paparazzi followed him around. Yet Peter was still alone. 

Peter and Flash still talked. They both were still alone. There’s pictures of them at bards in magazines. They were alone together once a month. Flash ran his own business, it was successful, especially with Peter’s new found fame. 

Peter was stuck at some stuffy party, alone. Always alone. I mean, he has his P.A with him, she was nice, she just kept him on track. He was a the bar, a few too many drinks in, flirting up whoever might make him feel less lonely tonight.

He isn’t what he ever expected to be. But he never really expected to live this long either.

“Mr Parker, you’re expected on stage now for you’re award.” His P.A interrupts.

Peter sighs, standing up and making his way to the stage, leaving the person at the bar with a wink. His P.A followed quickly behind him as he brought his drink with him, taking another sip.

“What’s it for?” He asked.

“You’re research on the Mental Health of those who blipped.” She smiled taking his drink from him and straightening his tie.

“I have so much more interesting research than the blipped. Why that one. I could use another award on my development of AI tech at home, or my bio-medicine advancements or literally anything else.”

She shook her head at him, pushing him up the stage. 

“Peter Parker everyone!” The host called out again, gaining applause. 

“Sorry for being late everyone.” Peter winked to the crowd. “I like to build up the anticipation. Thank you for this award. This wasn’t a project I ever thought would gain the traction it did. I think this is something that a lot of us could resonate with. Fifty percent of us were blipped. We came back to a world we didn’t recognize. A place we didn’t git. A lot of our families moved on. Even if you were one of the lucky ones who returned you’re mental health was affected. So many of us were displaced. And I think this research struck close to home for so many of us. Thank you so much for this award.”

It wasn’t one of his better speeches. One of his worst ones, actually. He knew that. He couldn’t come up with anything quick. It was hard to come up with a way to say thank you without showing all your cards.

He took pictures with the appropriate people on his way out. Kissed people on the cheek. Answered questions in the interview section. Followed out by paparazzi with some guy on his arm.

-

Turning 27 was a nightmare. A big party was thrown in his honour. He blacked out in the first hour. 27 sex tapes were circulating by the morning, all from different times since his rise to fame. Peter didn’t want to live. He hated being alive.

His P.A found him passed out 27 days later in his office. He overdosed. Anti-depressants and sleeping pills swallowed down with half a bottle of whiskey.

Flash was in his hospital room when he finally woke up a week later. He wasn’t happy with Peter, but he understood better than most. They cried into each others arms.

Flash moved in with Peter for a while.

When Peter left the hospital he was mobbed by paparazzi's. He had to do a press conference that same day, about what happened. Like it was anyone’s business. Like anyone cares, other than Flash.

-

Peter was 30 and still alone.

He and Flash still met up. But Flash has a family now. He was married, to Peter’s P.A -Gwen- and they were expecting. He was finally able to move on. Peter, on the other hand, was stuck.

He made a big advancement in technology. Out to the public. An AI who would track a persons wellbeing. Who would act s a therapist until a person received the help they needed. An AI who would talk a person down from harming themselves and contact the right people. A resource for helping people with depression, anxiety and PTSD. An interactive interface where it’d help you work through your trauma. And it was affordable. 

There was no one there to congratulate him. Another milestone he made on his own. Peter Parker changed the world. He game so much to the people and he didn’t expect anything, having had a family at one point. From having happiness in his life once.

Peter didn’t think he’d be alive now- especially since turning 27, things had been rocky, he was lucky Flash was there for him. He wasn’t even sure he was going to graduate high school, let alone MIT. But he had to pay off his debts to the universe. For the happiness he once had. Peter knew at this point he wasn’t going to find love, or family, or happiness. IT wasn’t written in the stars for him. 

He’s 30 and alone. A drunk with no one to go to. The world seemed to love him. Deemed him the next Tony Stark. As if Tony wasn’t still alive with a 17 year old daughter and an 8 year old son. They called him the next Tony Stark like it didn’t bring any pain to him. The people didn’t know his history. The family he lost.

He’s in California now. Alone. Always alone. Always drunk and alone. He’s looking over the edge of the cliff at some tourist destination wondering if the fall would kill him. If the wave would pull him underwater. Would the universe miss him? Would the world mourn his death? Would there be anyone at his funeral?

He was drunk and the pull of jumping seemed so good. Peter was tired of paying off his debts for having had happiness. He was ready for it to end. He wondered if the universe would be so cruel as to keep him alive after death again. 

Footsteps approached him. He put on a smile, knowing that whoever it was would want to talk. The person stood beside him, looking over the fence of the observatory.

“California is nice, isn’t it?” The person said, a slight southern accent, long faded in their voice. 

“S’alright.” Peter shrugged. “Too hot for me. Besides the whole thing about California falling off the map, who would want to stay for that?”

“Better than Florida.” The man laughed.

“Anything is better than Florida.” Peter agreed.

Peter hoped this man would leave. Give him some privacy in what he wants to be his last moment. He didn’t leave though. So Peter offered him the bottle of whiskey in his hand. The man took it. He took a swig before passing it back to Peter, who raised his bottle and downed the rest.

“I know it’s been a good 13 years for you, Pete, a solid 17 years for me, but do you really not recognize me or are you hoping I’ll leave again?”

Peter stayed silent. Of course he knew who it was. He could never forget. He was just hoping the other man wouldn’t remind him of it.

“From where I’m standing, it seems like you want me to leave. But that ain’t gonna happen. You’re an alcoholic who looks to be a minute away from doing something that they can’t ever undo. So I’m going to stay. You hear me Peter Parker? I’m not leaving you.”

As it turns out the universe doesn’t hate Peter Parker. On what Peter decided to be his last day alive, the universe gave him back Harley Keener. A gift to him for all he’s been through.

-

On Peter’s 32nd Birthday he was one month sober.

Peter was learning what it means to have a family again.

When Peter turned 32 he learnt what it meant to be happy. 

[xmalereader]

Kylo Ren X Modern! Male Reader

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|| Masterlist ||

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Summary: Reader lives on earth and is force senstive. Kylo Ren lives far away from earth and doesn’t know how to get there, the two communicate through a force bond and get to know each other.

Warning: Fluff, singing, light sabers, Pets, history learning.

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“What’s it like?”

“What’s what like?

“The galaxy?”

“It’s a large place to rule.”

The other snorts and rolls his eyes. He was laying on the grass with his back to it, staring up at the clouds with a small smile while Kylo Ren sat next to him. Now he wasn’t exactly there In person, he was mainly in his head but he could see him. Ever since he was a child he had this strange ability that he had kept hidden from his parents he didn’t want them to freak out and send him away to some strange place, so as he grew and matured he find out ways to keep it in control on his own.

During those years he started hearing a voice, suddenly calling out to him. It didn’t take him long to notice Kylo the first few couple of times that he visited, the two grew fond of each other and spoke everyday whenever y/n was Available. He would sometimes go outside, far away from home and lay on a grassy field as he spoke to Kylo, he didn’t want his parents to think that he was talking to hismelf in a weird manner if he were to do it at home. So instead he did it far away in an open field where he could see someone coming to him.

The two learned about each other’s history and how Kylo Ren wasn’t anywhere located on earth, instead he lived far away into space. Galaxies and galaxies away from earth where no other human being could reach. Kylo also learned about y/n’s world and how cruel it was but also how beautiful it was at the right moments.

“Come on, give me details!” Y/n sat up and sits cross legged in front of Kylo, smiling widely. Kylo would stare at his expression and sigh, adjusting his own sitting position as he began to explain the galaxy to y/n.

“Like I said it’s big, bigger than anyone can imagine.” He began to say as y/n bites his lip and listens. “How far have earthlings gone into space?” He suddenly asks as y/n sighs. “The farthest that we’ve gotten would be up to mars but nothing else from there.” He shrugs.

Kylo hums. “The galaxy is bigger than what your people know, I’ve been to several plants and there are many life forms too. Different kinds of species live in different planets and they each have their own purpose. There are some plants that are just peaceful and others dangerous; some are full of rich and snotty people while other contain the poor.”

Y/n at frowns at that, it all sounded unfair to him. How each planet was titled that way but it also brought him curiosity of wanting to learn more. “Is there one full of green trees and grass?” He mumbled shyly as he curls his legs up to his chest and smiled as Kylo chuckled and nods. “There is, but the most beautiful one would have to be Naboo.”

“Naboo?” Y/n tilts his head to the side and laughs. “Screw that I want to go see that planet full of green life form!!” He says and laughs out loudly. Kylo shakes his head as he watched the others excitement, “Maybe one day we can go. That’s if I’ll ever be able to locate your planet.” His smile slowly falls. “Wherever you are, I’ll find you and take you away from this place.”

Y/n grins at him. “You make it sound like your my knight in shinning armor.” He teases and reached up to poke at kylos cheek with his index finger. A childish manner that he still contained. Even though Kylo wasn’t there physically they still had the ability to touch for short periods of time which he sometimes enjoyed.

“Y/n!”

The two turn around to see y/n’s mother approaching him, a glare on her face as the other male groans and stands up. “What is it this time?” He asks as he dusts off the dead dry grass that stuck to his pants, Kylo stood next to him as he examined his bonds mother.

“Titus won’t stop screaming and your father and I are leaving, we don’t want him to be alone and cause havoc.” She says.

Titus was y/n’s Fox, he rescued him from a fire and took care of him until he healed up. He tried to relase him back into the wild but Titus refused and stayed next to y/n’s side causing him to move out into the country side where Titus could roam freely. He wasn’t exactly a pet but a roommate.

“Thanks mom, hope you and dad drive back home safe.” Y/n had given his mother a kiss on the head as he escorts her towards the car. His father waiting for his wife and son.

Y/n got along well with his mother but him and his father had some issues. When he first came out to his parents he had his mother’s full support but of course his father loathed him, he’s forced him into dating women before but y/n always refused the dates causing a huge fight to break off between the two. Their was shouting and hitting which caused y/n to move out in an early age, he lived with his friends parents for a short period of time until he finally found a place of his own and moved away from the city.

He was happy now, and having this new ability that Kylo called “the force” only brought him closer to happiness. With Kylo around he laughs able to learn so many new things that not many people knew.

“Dad.” Y/n says softly as he gets a small nod and huff in return before his father gets inside the car. Slamming the door shut as his mother frowns at her own husband. Y/n was used to this treatment so it didn’t affect him at all.

“Nice family.” He hears Kylo say.

“Not really.” The other responds back and makes his way inside the house to see Titus sitting on the couch, licking his muzzle as he looks out the window. “Hello little one.” He cooed out and gently pats his head and turns to the kitchen to see a huge mess. “I’m guessing that you caused this mess to drive my parents away, huh?” He questions.

The Adult fox lets out a small squeak, answering his question as y/n laughs and began to clean up the mess. He noticed that Kylo had disappeared which meant that he had cut off their force timing together which gave y/n some alone time to clean his own mess and blast some music. Mouthing the words to the songs he sweeps up the kitchen and counters, making sure that everything was inside a trash bag and thrown out immediately before Titus would dig through it and cause another mess.

Washing his hands he grabs a dry rag to dry them off. He sighs deeply and checks the time, Y/n usually worked during during the mornings but since his parents were visiting he had to change his timing and come in at a later time. “Okay Titus, I’m going out so don’t cause any trouble and please stay out of the kitchen.” He tells the fox and bends down to scratch it under its chin. It purrs softly and nuzzled his hand which amused him a little since Titus usually avoided afffection.

—

“Tell me more about earth.”

He suddenly hears kylo say as he stands behind him, y/n was working a late night shift at work. He was working at a bar and usually worked as a bartender but since it was the last night shift he was in charge of counting up the bottles of alcohol and making sure that they have enough for the next day.

“You really like scaring me don’t you?” He raised a brow and laughs.

Kylo leans agaisnt the wall as he watched y/n wpork, “Maybe.”

He held a clipboard and wrote down the different bottles that they had left. “What do you want know about earth? There isnt much about it.” He answers back and sighs, glancing over to kylo as he thinks of a topic or a question about y/n’s kind. “Your people, what are they like?”

“That depends really.” Y/n bends down to move some things around. “Everyone is different here, some are mean other are happy while some wish the world would just burn and get it over with.”

“I can do that—“

“You aren’t blowing it up.” Y/n glares at him while kylo smirked at him evilly which only caused y/n to chuckle a little. He’s learned a thing or two about the first order and what they do. He didnt like the idea of Kylo blowing up planets full of innocent people and proving a point that he was powerful than others. He remembers telling kylo that what he was doing wasn’t right but yet again, it wasn’t his problem. This is how Kylo’s world worked and he had his own to worry about.

“Earth has done nothing do you and your people Kylo so if I notice you try and blow up this planet then I wont hesitate to kill you myself.” He half joked out before standing up from his postion.

“anything else you want to know?”

“No, I think I’m fine for now.” Said kylo, he reached out to gently brush his fingers against y/n’s cheek. Smiling a little as he speaks, “I can’t destroy it if you’re still on it.” He whispered out as y/n blushed deeply and looks away. “Cheesy.” He mumbled out and chuckled, once kylo removed his hand from his cheek and lowered it back down.

“You and I have a bond y/n, the force brought me to you...I still don’t know why.” He finally says. Y/n’s lips press together into a thin line as he looks down a little, “I wish I knew too.”

—

“You can’t do that!!”

“Why not?”

The two force users were dueling, kylo had given y/n his own light saber awhile back during their first few times together. Y/n has practice to use it on his own, learning a few tricks here and there. Every time they practice it felt like kylo was actually here, he could feel their sabers clash against each other, feeling the force vibrate between the two as they fought. Right now y/n was winning the duel, smirking at kylo.

When the two were fighting he managed to brush his hand against Kylo’s whiched caused him to lose concentration and get pinned down by y/n. Kylo didn’t hate y/n’s touch he just couldn’t function well whenever they other made physical contact, which caused him to get angry. Y/n wasnt afraid of Kylo’s anger anymore since he’s gotten used to it, he actually found it adorable each time he got anger.

“you make me lose focus!!”

“okay?”

Kylo growls and charged towards y/n, swinging his saber as y/n used his own to block it. Grunting as he steps forward to back him up, he could feel kylo adding more strength into his hold which causes y/n to panic, darting his eyes around he looks down at Kylo’s legs and reacts quickly. He gave a harsh shove and crouched down to swing his leg on Kylo’s, causing him to fall back and grunt in pain.

“Oh god.” Y/n mumbled out and turns off his saber as he approached Kylo. “Kylo? Are you okay? I’m sorry I didnt mean to do that, you just suddenly acted and I just did what my instincts were suddenly telling me and I—“

Kylo sits up and rubs the back of his head, he landed pretty hard on his back but his head had also made contact with the ground. But it wasnt bad enough to knock him out. He was impressed by the others tactics, usually he would fight with his saber since it made him stronger but of course y/n was different. He was stilll learning on how to use his own saber and the only way to defend himself is by using the rest of hsi body parts, just like he did with kylo. He had swung his leg hard enough to knock down kylo, maybe bruising him a little.

“Its fine.” Kylo suddenly blurts out as y/n stares at him in shock. The last time he was this nice was around the first few days they met but after that he went back to his cold self which y/n was okay with. “You sure?” He asks again and tries to help him up. Kylo reached up to take y/n’s hand but gasps as it suddenly went through, heh looks up to see y/n with wide eyes. Usually they are able to touch but somehow it wasn’t allowing them now.

“Y/n?”

Y/n looks at kylo and bites his lip. “What’s happening?” He suddenly asks.

Kylo reaches out again to try and grab him again bit fails too, his eyes widen as he noticed y/n slowly fading away from him. “Y/n!” He shouts, “Kylo!” He hears y/n and watches him disappear. Kylo pants heavily as he tries to connect back to him but doesn’t feel anything, he can’t feel y/n’s force not anymore.

Rage suddenly fills kylo as he throws his saber agaisnt the training room wall, storming out he passes by several stormtroopers and generals until he reaches the bridge. “I need a course to earth, now!” He shouts at the others and sees Hux approaching him. “Ren, earth is not in our system. Its not found anywhere.”

Kylo stands in front of Hux and hissed out. “Find us a way to get there.” His once was full of venom as he storms out of the bridge. “I want a report back on earth.” He adds once he leaves.

—

Y/n couldn’t feel kylo anymore, he was panicking and was trying hard not to break down. He clips his saber back onto his belt and begins to head back home, maybe he can try and mediate like Kylo taught him, try and relax. He nods to hismelf at the reminder, entering his home he sets the saber on the couch and sits in the middle of the living room, sitting Indian style as he tries to concentrate. He closes his eyes and lets out a deep breath that he was suddenly holding in. He’s trying to reach Kylo but nothing seems to appear which causes panic to rise in y/n.

His eyes snap open as he pants and slowly stands up. “Why can’t I reach you?” He whispered out and turns to Titus who was able to sense his emotions, walking over to him as he cuddled up his side. Y/n wraps his arms around the fox and gently ran its fingers through his fur as he tries to keep himself calm. “It’ll be okay, he’s gonna come back right?” He questions hismelf and pulls away from the animal in front of him.

He stares at the animal for a few seconds, hoping to get a response but of course he got nothing in return. Biting his lip nervously he leans his head against Titus forehead and breaths softly. “Kylo...” he whispered out in hopes of him hearing.

“Y/n—“

A familiar faint voice was heard as y/n gasps and looks up. “Kylo?” He says again and looks around his room. Not spotting Kylo anywhere. “Kylo?” He Said again and began to circle around the room in panic, he couldn’t hear him anymore and he was scared.

“KYLO!!”

He feels a sudden like feather touch against his hand, gasping he pulls his hand away from whatever was touching him and looks around. He grips his hand close and feels the earth moving, was their an earthquake?!

Y/n stands back on his feet and looks out the window, expecting to see the trees shaking and the sky becoming cloudy but he doesn’t see any of that, instead he sees a large ship landing close to his house. He steps away from the window and quickly grabs his own lightsaber, he makes sure that Titus was inside before he steps out into his balcony. “Stay inside.” He instructs the creature as he hears it growl behind him. Titus was growling at the stranger that was approaching them, Y/n glanced over to Titus before turning his gaze back to the ship to see a dark figure approaching them.

Without thinking y/n turns on his light saber, glaring at the man that was approaching them. He felt something dark in the stranger but also light at the same time. As he moves closer towards the field he squints his eyes to try and get a better look.

Y/n grips the light saber closer, his eyes widen as he sees Kylo approaching him. He didnt know how to react or what to do so instead he stared at him, gaped that he was seeing him in the flesh. He didnt know if he was dreaming or not. “Kylo, is this real? Are you really here?” He whispers and turns off his saber.

Kylo was standing in front of Y/n, he looked a little taller everytime they used the force to connect but now that he was here in person he noticed that he was actually a bit shorter than he expected. Hearing y/n ask that question he frowns, “Of course I’m here.” He reached out to take his hand into his letting him feel his hand as y/n takes it all in. Y/n holds Kylo’s hand and shakes his head, “I thought you couldn’t locate earth?”

“I forced my people to search for you—once our connection broke I panicked.” he admits and looks away from y/n. “I did too.” He hears Y/n say with a small sad smile. Kylo couldn’t help but chuckle as he pulls y/n into a hug who quickly wraps his arms around him. The two remained hugging for a while, taking in everything.