#one for the accuracy of intrusive thoughts

[deadbynootnoot]

my favorite bojack horseman episodes are “stupid piece of shit” and “the old sugarman place” followed closely by “free churro” and then finally “bojack hates the troops” 

[lampochkaart]

DRV3 Infinity Train AU

Some time ago I finaly watched Infinity Train. Guys it's so good, it's insane. I highly recommend watching it, it's very good, and not too long (you can basically finish it all in one day).

But, to the point of this post, obviously I thought about crossover fusion with DRV3.

I wasn't sure if it would be better to make it a separate AU or if the AU events would take place after the end of drv3. But I was interested in the last option, because I think there would be interesting dynamics in the victim-killer pairs of each chapter. Below I will write a little about my thoughts about this AU (and there are also drawings of each pair)

❗Spoilers for all DRV3 and also a bit for Infinity Train

So, to the AU itself.

The characters get onto the Train after the Killing Game (I don’t know if all simultaneously or by chapter). They come in pairs (or trio in one case) and are linked by the same number. In order to lower their number and get off the Train — perhaps thus getting a second chance at life (that's not how the Train actually works, but I rearranged the concept a little for the sake of this AU. And anyway, it's not like the Train isn't kinda a supernatural phenomenon already, so whatever) — they need to not only solve their personal problems, but also problems with each other. That is why they are paired victim with killer, they have a lot to think about. Different pairs are in different parts of the Train, but they can sometimes cross paths with each other.

They appear looking how they were in the moment of their death. They don't have wounds, but if some parts of their costume is missing or damaged it will stay that way.

I also gave everyone numbers according to their meanings (that I partially found on internet, partialy just made up based on vibes, so I can't promise accuracy). Characters' numbers don't have to have all the listed meanings, usually it's just some of them

Number meanings:

1. Positive: leadership, confidence, ambition. Negative: dominance, overconfidence, self-absorption.

2. Positive: cooperation, attentiveness, support. Negative: duplicity, cunning, cowardice.

3. Positive: optimism, creativity, sociability. Negative: childishness, superficiality, intrusiveness.

4. Positive: stability, calm, caution. Negative: dogmatism, passivity, mistrust.

5. Positive: freedom, sensuality, adventurousness. Negative: impulsiveness, haste, intolerance.

6. Positive: solicitude, responsibility, devotion. Negative: bossiness, overprotection, guilt.

7. Positive: analyticity, intelligence, practicality. Negative: cynicism, coldness, secrecy.

8. Positive: prosperity, independence. Negative: materialism, unwillingness to listen, intolerance.

9. Positive: idealism, benevolence, compassion. Negative: unrealistic, touchiness, selfishness.

0. Positive: integrity, infinity. Negative: isolation, cyclicality.

Now I'll go into detail about each pair

First pair: Rantaro Amami and Kaede Akamatsu.

Quite an unusual pair. Kaede is not actually his killer, so their numbers don't match. However, they appear on the Train together and after discussion decide to travel with together. Kaede blames herself very much for Rantaro's death, so she immediately rushes to apologize. But after comparing and discussing versions of what happened, they both come to the conclusion that someone else is behind Amami's death. Someone who has control over the game. Therefore, Akamatsu will try very hard to find other victims of the Killing Game. She would like to believe that there will be few of them, but Rantaro warns her that they are dealing with a much more dangerous enemy than they previously thought.

To get off the Train, Kaede will need to stop taking responsibility for everything that happens and overloading both herself and those around her. Rantaro will need to learn to share his concerns and problems with others, to become less secretive and distrusting. Both Kaede and Rantaro would need to learn to rely more on others and not hide their worries behind a smile.

Kaede's Number: 391

Rantaro's Number: 407

Second pair: Ryoma Hoshi and Kirumi Tojo.

I kinda think that, compared to other pairs, they don't have that much problems with each other. They, more likely, need to focus more on solving personal problems. Of course, Kirumi will feel guilty towards Ryoma, she is not a heartless monster. But I don’t think Ryoma will reproach her for killing him and trying to get out. He gave her unspoken permission, although he probably expected something quick and painless.

Ryoma's hancuffs and shackle on his leg would probably be removed. I wasn't sure what to do about Kirumi's apperance, but then got idea that she could have been given clothes similar to the one they used to dress passengers in before. Unfortunately I only got this idea after I've already drawn her, so let's just assume that she'll change into it herself after some therapeutic sitting on the edge of the car and reflecting on her life. On the picture this clothes lies next to her.

To get off the Train, Kirumi needs to stop perceiving herself only as a maid. To accept that she does not have to constantly follow orders/requests, to stop taking on the role of an “adult” among others, accept that she is a teenager like the rest. And to admit that she wanted to get out not only because she had to serve an entire country, but also because she really wanted to escape, she wanted to live.

To get off the Train, Ryoma needs to learn to see the reasons to live in the little things, to remember that he has something to fight for. To pay attention to the fact that there are those who care and will grieve for him, and there are much more of them than he thinks. His life is not over yet, he has a chance and time to start again. He would have to admit that dying was very scary. Admit that in the last seconds of his life he regretted his decision.

They both need to stop devaluing their lives.

Their number is 406.

Third group: Angie Yonaga, Tenko Chabashira, Korekiyo Shinguji.

There are very complex relationships here. Everyone has both serious personal problems and conflicts with each other. Tenko is angry at Angie and will also just despise Kiyo. Angie will not be angry, but she may try to start imposing her God again and take position of a leader. Korekiyo will mostly stil be shaken trying to sort out his feelings and will shy away from Angie and Tenko as painful reminders of what happened. This trio will have many conflicts and difficult situations, but the fact that there are three of them will be more of a plus than a minus. This way, no one will be able to impose their opinion or take advantage of the weakness of another, because there is always a third person who will prevent this. Angie won't let Tenko drive Kiyo away; Tenko won't let Angie to take advantage of Kiyo's condition to lure him to her side; Kiyo can act as a mediator in conflicts that arise between Tenko and Angie. This way they can maintain some sort of balance.

To get a way out of the Train, Angie needs to learn to listen to others, not considering her decisions to be the only correct, simply because her God advises her. She'll have to admit that she is not absolutely right. Show yourself not as a prophet who doesn't make mistakes, but as a leader who is open to discussion and change of plans.

Tenko needs to reconsider her beliefs that all men are narcissistic and selfish, always looking to take advantage of others to benefit themselves. Also to recognize that sometimes she can be too pushy, and this can alienate even those she cares about. She needs to learn to be more accepting. Recognize that good and bad actions do not depend on gender, and girls can do terrible things too.

Korekiyo will have to accept that his sister is a bad person. That she used him, that she broke him, changing him forever. That everything he did for her was wrong. Because what she herself did was wrong. She did terrible things and made him do terrible things. And neither her illness, nor even her death is an excuse, and in no way diminishes her guilt. He will have to separate his sister from himself. Separate her from his hobbies, from his tastes and preferences, from his personality, from his speech, from his gestures... Fegure out what belongs to him and win it from her. Decide that she no longer has the right to influence his life. Let her go.

Their number is 348.

Fourth pair: Miu Iruma and Gonta Gokuhara.

Of course, they will have problems and disputes, but mostly only in the beginning. Gonta feel very guilty and will apologize to her a lot, but Miu doesn't hold a grudge against him. They will most likely only argue about Kokichi and his role in this murder, but I don’t think it will be that serious. Miu, although she'll be somewhat angry at Ouma, still feels guilty. She understands that she was the first to betray him by trying to kill him, but even at that moment she was regretting it. She was driven to such an act by desperation and fear. She regrets this, but will still argue with Gonta, saying that Kokichi lied to him and was just using him to save his skin, and Gonta will refuse to believe it.

I think Miu and Gonta have quite an interesting dynamic and the potential for both a lot of funny situations and serious conversations.

Perhaps Miu, at Kaede’s request, will build or repair a device that will allow tracking numbers or even passenges (similar to Simon's and Amelia’s devices) and will help her looking for others.

To get off the Train, Miu will need to stop compensating for her need for attention and approval with overconfidence and loud words. Admit that she tried to sacrifice many lives due to cowardice. Admit how scared and unsure of herself she really is.

Gonta will need to learn to be less gullible and stop believing that everyone around him is always smarter than him, so he needs to listen and comply. He needs to stop belittling his intelligence and knowledge, and also stop blaming himself for everything, especially if he had control over what happened. He needs to learn to stand up for himself.

I think Gonta and Miu's situation at first will be a little like Jesse and MT's, where for a while Gonta will listen to Miu's advice, not always very helpfull, without realizing that this is exactly what he needs to stop doing in order to get an exit.

Their number is 265.

Fifth pair: Kokichi Ouma and Kaito Momota.

The idea for this AU started with them, so, naturally, I have thought out for them the most. These two have so many personal problems and problems with each other, which is a constant source of conflict. This is made worse by the fact that Kaito is trying to impose his usual "I'm helping you, I don't need help myself" dynamic, and Ouma is obviously annoyed both that Momota is forcing his "heroism" and that he's lying in his face. It goes so far that Kaito declares directly to Kokichi’s face that he, Luminary of the Stars, has no problems, he's only here because of Ouma, because Ouma won't be able to deal with his problems on his own. All this even leads to them temporarily separating, Kokichi saying that he would rather stay on this Train than put up with Kaito, and Kaito that it would be easier for him to get a way out without such "companion". Later, they reluctantly return to each other and try to cooperate again, because this is the only way to get a way out.

Their situation is a lot like Ryan and Min-Gi's. In the sense that their number decreases then increases back, then decreases again, then increases once more, at times even becoming higher than it was initially. Because they still can’t figure out how to coexist with each other. They do eventually start getting along and get an exit, but it takes them a long time and a lot of trial and error.

To get a way out of the Train, Kokichi needs to stop treating everyone around him as enemies who are just waiting for the opportunity to take advantage of his weakness. He will have to learn to open up and trust people (and not only in situations where his life hangs by a thread). He'll have to learn to openly admit when he's wrong and to apologize. And to stop running away from the consequences of his actions.

Kaito will have to learn to talk openly about his problems. Not hide them from others, “so that they won't worry”. To recognize that he is not indestructible. Acknowledge that he, too, has worries and doubts. And to stop imposing his help when people refuse it.

They will both have to learn to show their vulnerable and weak sides. Stop trying doing everything alone, putting more on their own shoulders than they can handle. Learn to ask for help. Learn to talk openly about their concerns. Learn to work together and finally, to just understand each other.

Their number is 591.

Sixth pair: Tsumugi Shirogane and K1-B0.

Honestly, I don't really know what their relationship dynamic will be like. Tsumugi will probably be angry at Kiibo for destroying the academy (and even angrier if/when she finds out that the remaining three survived). Kiibo will probably end up on the Train without his antenna, so he won't have any sympathy for Tsumugi. I don't know if he will have a number, but in theory he's not an inhabitant of the Train, so maybe? But if not, then he most likely will leave Tsumugi on her own to decide what to do and go in search of the others. If he will have a number, he might insist on working and getting out together, and then try to arrest her.

I'll probably stick with the "Kiibo doesn't have a number" option. He will of course be upset and offended, once again realizing how robophobic the world is different he is. But, most likely, he will try to help look for other classmates, and also try to help reduce their numbers. Once Miu figures out that Kiibo doesn't have a number, and without a number the way out of the Train is closed, she will do something similar to what Jesse did: to try to make it appear that Kiibo has a number. So most likely he will be allowed to leave with her.

When it comes to Tsumugi in this scenario... Regardless of whether she was trying to replicate Junko's real game or if it was actually a multi-season show, and whether she was an employee of Team Danganronpa or if she was also brainwashed and just made to believe that she was special... Whatever the case, I think that she won't really want to be with her “classmates” and won't try to lower her number. Rather, on the contrary, she might decide to stay on the Train. It reminds her of fictional stories, the ones she loves so much. What's the point of returning to the ordinary world? Especially with those who don’t want to see her. Especially if the consequences of her actions await her there. Therefore, she is more likely to resist if they try to convince her to start working on her mistakes. She might even try to prevent others from getting out or even try to kill them (especially Kaito, Kokichi and Kiibo, since it was their fault that the game ended, and not at all the way she wanted). As a result, her number will go up, and up, and up... I don't think Tsumugi will get off the Train.

Number (K1-B0): —

Tsumugi's initial number: 5300

(5 and 3 numbers are not exactly suitable in terms of meaning, but Tsumugi simply MUST have 53 in her number, and zeros as a symbol of cyclicity and movement in a circle)

Tsumugi number (alternative): 2870

I'm planning to sketch a couple ideas of this AU that I have so far, so stay tuned I guess

As always, I'm happy to answer any questions!

AU tag is #drv3 train au

[notmyneighbor]

r&d | yog sothoth x female reader

words | 2.8k

tnmn nightmare mode, human experimentation, science fiction, human/vampire relationship, evil dr. w. afton, eventual explicit content, none in this chapter

ao3 link

When you first hear about the new program being offered by your employer, you’re more than a little hesitant.

It’s marketed as a way to help door guardians like yourself decompress after the rigors of screening so many doppelgangers, but you’re wary of the attached disclaimer that your sessions will be monitored and recorded ‘to further aid future candidates.’ It all feels a little too intrusive and boundary crossing for your liking, so it’s a fast decline from you—until you’re offered the extra incentive of a bonus check to sweeten the deal. Money talks, and the promised amount is practically screaming your name. In the end, you volunteer to be one of the pioneers in the study.

That’s how you find yourself in a room that looks more like a doctor’s office than the therapist’s cozy space you’d been expecting, the comfortable couch you’d imagined replaced with a chair that bears a resemblance to a dentist’s contraption more than anything else. Those misgivings and doubts are kicking in again, but then your mind argues back that there’s a good chunk of funds waiting for you at the end of this, so surely it’s not too much of a hardship to bear.

You’re more than a little surprised to see a familiar face after the receptionist guides you to the chair and leaves you to your fate. It’s one of the residents of the building you guard. That engaged physicist that lives on the third floor, W. Afton. You’ve always thought it odd that his first name isn’t revealed on any of his identification paperwork—everything on file only had his first initial listed.

He enters the room briskly, carrying a clipboard and a black case. He closes the door and sets the latter item down on the counter, then settles onto the wheeled stool nearby. You suddenly have the distinct, uncomfortable feeling that this is more of a medical program than a psychiatric one.

You lean forward, your bare arms sticking unpleasantly to the vinyl cushioning beneath you. “Dr. Afton? I think there’s been some misunderstanding. I’m going to just—”

He waves a hand in the air to interrupt you, scrawling something on the clipboard resting on his thighs before his head lifts. The way the fluorescent lighting touches his glasses temporarily obscures his eyes from sight. “Nonsense. You’ve agreed to participate. This is where you’re meant to be.”

“Um, with all due respect, I was led to believe this was a psychiatric program? Aren’t you a physicist?”

“My expertise lies in research, and that’s precisely what you’ve agreed to help the DDD with. You might as well sit back and get comfortable. I’m going to ask you a series of questions, and I want you to answer them to the best of your ability. The truth, mind you; not what you think you should say or what you think I want to hear.”

You shift in your seat, glancing at the closed door and licking your lips nervously. “Are we being monitored? The literature said we would be.”

He lifts a finger and points to the corner of two intersecting walls and you realize there is a camera there. “Visual only, no audio. As promised, this is being kept confidential to assure accuracy and no bias. You can confide in me with confidence.” His lips twitch in an almost smile. His eyeglasses slide down the bridge of his nose slightly and you see slate gray eyes regarding you, until he shoves them back into place and rakes back a tendril of dark hair that’s fallen across his forehead.

“Um…” Something about this is definitely off. A lot of somethings. “Would you mind showing me your documents first, so I can verify it’s really you?”

“Of course it’s really me. How else do you think I got inside this facility? This isn’t one of those wretched downtown apartments,” he says. You’re living in one of those so called wretched downtown apartments, you want to retort, but you bite your tongue. “Still, I suppose that’s what you’re accustomed to. A lingering sort of paranoia about verifying human identity,” he mumbles to himself, writing on the paper in his lap again. “Fine. I’ll humor you, just this once. Just to make you feel a little more comfortable.” He sets the pen and clipboard down and walks to your seat, digging in his pants pocket for a leather billfold. The doctor extracts his identification card and hands it to you. “I trust I don’t need to submit an entry request as well?”

You’d never spoken much to the man, in your tenure as doorman, and you’re beginning to see why. He’s unfriendly and borderline rude. You can feel the impatience and irritation wafting from him. What did Mia, the schoolteacher he is engaged to, see in him? She’s so cheerful and kind. Opposites attract, maybe.

“It looks okay,” you mumble, handing the card back to Afton. He tucks it inside his wallet and the accessory vanishes back into his pocket. “I trust you’re satisfied? Or is there some other protocol you feel you need to follow?”

“No, you’re fine.” You feel your cheeks flushing at his condescending demeanor.

“As I’ve said already.” The soles of his polished dress shoes click loudly on the linoleum as he returns to his seat, retrieving the clipboard and writing utensil again. “Now then, shall we begin? We’re wasting valuable company time.”

“Yes.”

“Good. First question. Have you ever mistakenly misidentified a doppelganger? Or a human?”

“No to both.” It was true. Your track record, thus far, has been impeccable.

A grunt and another mark on the paper. “Have any of the doppelgangers ever threatened violence?”

“A few. Mainly once they’ve been called out.”

“Did any of them ever try to bribe you to gain entry?”

“No. I did have one promise to fully reveal himself if I let him in, and he also stated I must not like my neighbors that much, so it wouldn’t matter if I let him in anyway.”

Afton pauses, his pen freezing mid stroke. “How do you think he arrived at that conclusion? That you did not care for your neighbors? Did you have much discourse with him prior to this?”

“No. No more than the usual standard greeting. He remembered to show his card and his entry request, and they were a perfect forgery, but he wasn’t on the day’s list of expected entrants.”

“Is that when the doppel revealed himself?”

“Yes.”

“Were you frightened?”

“Of course. But the barrier is there as soon as I sound the alarm. And the DDD cleaners always come right away.”

Some more writing follows this. Afton presses on the metal at the top of the board to release the pages and turns the top one over, releasing the spring and snapping the holder back into place. “Do you ever have trouble sleeping at night?”

You shrug. “Sometimes.”

“Do you find yourself thinking about your job, even when you are off duty?”

“I guess so.”

The physicist’s lips press in a thin line. “Keep your responses to definitive yes or no answers, please.” He jerks on the tail end of his necktie to straighten it. It is a deep shade of eggplant today.

“Yes,” you say, knowing your tone is definitely a little sharp, but you’re unable to help it. You’ve been on edge ever since the man walked into the room.

“What sorts of things do you think about?”

“Wondering if I made all the right decisions. What the next day will bring. What would happen if the doppels got better at disguising themselves and blending in. Where they come from in the first place.”

Afton taps the end of the pen against the paper thoughtfully. “Do you think that will happen? That they’ll eventually be successful? That you’ll make the wrong decision?”

“I hope not. But yes, it’s a concern of mine.”

“A fear, too, wouldn’t you say?”

“I suppose so.” He glares at you. “Yes,” you clarify, gritting your teeth.

“I see.” He writes briefly and then sets the items back on the counter, this time reaching for the black case as he rises. His back blocks the contents from view.

“So now what happens?”

“You’ve fulfilled your end of the bargain, so now it’s time we fulfilled ours. Providing an outlet for these pent up fears of yours.”

“Which means?”

Lightning fast, Afton slips something into his lab coat pocket. He turns to face you, and the smile he has is nothing short of sinister, a kind of rictus, as if he is one of the doppels, trying the motion out without understanding its purpose.

“You’re finally going to get caught up on some of that sleep you’ve been missing. You know, because you’ve been so worried about the doppelgangers.”

“I didn’t say—”

“Now, now. None of that. It’s too late to change your answers. It’s all been documented.” Almost casually he reaches out to rest a hand on the arm of your chair and you hear a clicking sound. In the blink of an eye twin metal bands snap over your wrists.

“What the fuck?!” You struggle against the restraints, your heels flailing and digging in uselessly as your squirm, trying to escape. “Let me go!”

“You agreed to this, remember?”

“To be restrained? No way. Get me out of this thing right now.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that just yet. One more step to go.” His voice is so calm, so placid. He’s making it sound as if this is the most normal thing in the world. His hand disappears into his coat pocket and you finally see what he’d hidden there earlier: a syringe with some eerie glowing fluid. “You’re going to want to hold still for this. It would be so unfortunate if I missed and had to puncture your skin more than once.” He does not look the least bit remorseful. Instead, there is a look of almost glee on his normally solemn features. Excitement. He’s enjoying this.

“You can’t inject me with that! I don’t consent! Help!”

“You’re wasting your breath. Sound proof room. Confidential, remember? As I told you earlier. And you did consent. We have your signature on file. A legally binding contract.” His fingers curl around your elbow, turning the joint slightly so he has access to the larger vein in the hollow of your upper extremity,

“This can’t possibly be legal. You’re not a medical doctor! You don’t even know how to give an injection!

”Do you think the doppels are the only ones who know how to forge an ID?” His voice is a low, sultry rasp. Gloating, now.

You gape at him. “What the…who are you?”

“The name is real enough. I suppose we’re better acquainted now, so you can learn my first name. Not that you’ll remember any of this later. It’s William.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because it’s what I do. My job. Seeing this through. Experimenting. Research. Enough chatter.” You feel the tip of the needle laid against your skin and you instantly freeze, holding your breath.

“Please, stop, William,” you implore gently, hoping this approach might prove more effective than yelling and struggling, knowing all the same it’s a futile attempt.

Afton’s gray eyes meet yours. “Sweet dreams. See you when you get back.” Pain. Heat inside your arm, then liquid ice.

Darkness.

***

The first thing you smell is brimstone.

You’re not even sure how you recognize that scent. Your eyes open and you find yourself in the security booth you work in every day.

But it’s different.

Four eyes, one at each corner of the window, stare back at you, following your hand movements. The walls are spattered with blood. The papers and files are crumpled and stained. There’s an ominous looking fluid dripping from the air vent. The handle of the phone looks like it’s coated in some unpleasant substance. There are holes in the plaster and some of the wiring for the door panel control is exposed, the ends fraying. You shudder and the eyes follow this motion too, ever attentive.

A tapping sound draws your attention back to the window.

You have a prospective entrant outside the glass, their hand resting on that clear panel, which has several spidery cracks, you notice with a growing sense of alarm. There are claws clicking on that smudged surface that needed to be wiped down with ammonia desperately, the owner bearing a strong resemblance to the man you know as Francis Mosses.

Alike in some ways, such as the general build and facial structure, but different, too. These eyes are golden and red rimmed. He has pierced ears, silver spikes driven into each. A gold nose ring. A choker with spikes to match the earrings, with a padlock dangling from his throat. Whereas the milkman always wears a white uniform, this figure is clad in a black dress shirt with some suspicious stains on his left chest. There are also a pair of fangs poking from the barrier of his lips, and your first immediate thought is that this pale figure is a vampire.

Ludicrous, right? But then again, is it any more wild than the eyes that are watching you from the window frame, the obviously trippy effects of whatever junk Afton has injected you with taking hold, making you have this strange nightmare?

The figure slides an ID card and entry request into the slot and you want to laugh at that mundane formality. As if you’re going to let a bloodsucker in. Yes, see, it says it right there on his paperwork. He went out to suck blood. Vampire.

“You’re new, human.”

Your eyes flick up to the creature’s face. “Have there been many others here?”

“A few.” He nods towards the room you’re standing inside. “You gonna hit the buzzer and let me in?”

“I…” You glance down at his name. Yog Sothoth. He lives in a different apartment than Francis. A different floor entirely, if these documents are accurate. “This is just a bad dream. It has to be. None of this is real.”

“It’s real. That DDD from your world found a way to create a portal here. Drugged you and sent you through it, just like the others.”

You frown. “It says here astral plane? What does that mean?”

“Exactly what it says on the label. You’re in an alternate realm that can only be reached through spiritual transcendence. In short, your mind is here, your body elsewhere. At least, I think that’s how it works.”

“This is crazy.” You pause. “What happened to the others? The humans who got here before me?”

“I couldn’t tell you. They disappear fairly quickly. Not sure who’s responsible. It wasn’t me,” he adds quickly. “If that’s what you’re thinking. I just take a little at a time. And I don’t discriminate. Blood is blood, though I must say your species is a lot cleaner than some of the other riffraff around here.”

“If it’s only your mind that’s here, why do you need to feed at all?”

“Mmm, doesn’t work that way. Me and the other residents, we are actually, physically here. It’s just you humans that are straddling both worlds.”

“I do have a physical form here, though. I can interact with things.” You lift up Yog’s entry request to demonstrate. “This makes no sense.”

The vampire shrugs. “I don’t make the rules, I just exist by them. So, am I good to come in?”

“There are really doppels here, too?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“How do I get back home?”

“I don’t know, exactly. Maybe the DDD will bring you back when the experiment or whatever the hell they’re doing is over? The other humans I spoke with seemed as in the dark about it as you are.”

“The DDD,” you murmur darkly. You’ve been proud to work for them. Glad to be able to help your fellow neighbors. Now, though? You hardly know what to think.

“Not sure which is worse, to be honest.”

You grunt in agreement. Afton had said something about seeing you when you got back, so you have to believe that there will actually be a return trip. There didn’t seem to be much purpose behind just sending you along one way and then not gaining any knowledge from that venture. He’d also mentioned you wouldn't remember what had happened in the office with him, which also makes you wonder: are you doomed to just keep repeating this experiment? Unwittingly participating because you’ll have no recollection of the DDD’s seeming betrayal? What was the point of any of this? You slide Yog’s things back to him, forcing yourself to focus on the creature standing across from you. “You’re chattier than Francis.”

“Francis?”

“The human that looks like you in my world. You seem like you’re a good person like he is. Maybe that’s the same in every universe.” You push the button to release the lock on the door. “I guess I might as well let you in.”

The bloodsucker hesitates. “I hope you make it back home safely. If I don’t see you tomorrow, it was a pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

You lock the door behind him.

[elizabethwritesmen]

i don’t want you like a best friend

┏ •◦இ•◦ ┓

Pairing: College!Steve Harrington x Reader ALSO Ghostface!Steve x Witch!Reader (costumes)

Summary: You’re in Indiana for college. You just happen to be roommates with Steve Harrington’s best friend, Robin. This is a list of the times you bumped into him, starting with July move in day and ending with a friend’s Halloween party.

Warnings/Notes (PLEASE READ) : SMUT 18+, pining, friends to lovers, Robin being intrusive, Robin’s parents also being intrusive, angst, Halloween if ur into that, ghostface!Steve x Witch!reader (costumes obv), also if ur name is Grace this isn’t the fic for you just trust me on this, this is semi-modern I don’t mention time periods at all but I also made no attempt at historical accuracy so do with that what u will. it’s all make believe it doesn’t rlly matter imo. also this is a college au so I made up college friends for them! ALSO i have plans for another halloween fic, a super spooky super sexy one, but it will go up late prob sometime in late. november because i’ve put all my energy into this one and staying alive lol. enjoy! <3

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•Move In Day

I stared blankly at the boxes in front of me. The U-Haul I’d rented was jam packed with furniture and all of my belongings, leaving barely enough room to breathe.

For some reason, I thought it would be easy. I thought I could girl-boss it, get it done, all in a few hours’ work. Clearly I was temporarily insane when I came to that conclusion. Oh, well. Now I didn’t have a choice.

I sucked in a deep breath before resigning myself to my fate and starting.

I carried in the lightest stuff first, wanting to get it out of the way. I figured once I got through all the heavy stuff, I wouldn’t have any energy left for it, so might as well do it first. I got about four boxes upstairs, and I was bringing up a fifth and sixth, when I noticed the door already opened. I was sure I had shut it.

I walked in to see a girl and a guy, both around my age. She was dancing around, placing boxes of her own on the other side of the room. I cleared my throat gently, placing my boxes on the rest of my things.

She snapped out of her trance and her eyes landed on me. As did those of the guy she was with.

“Oh, hi!” She smiled brightly, “You just be my roommate!”

“Must be,” I sent her a polite smile in return, but mine was a lot more shy and reserved, “I’m Y/N.”

“I’m Robin, and this is my best friend Steve,” she introduced, “He’s helping me get all my things up here.”

“Oh, nice to meet you both. Let me know if I can help with anything!” I offered.

“Oh no, that’s fine, I’m sure you have your hands full! Are your parents here helping you?”

“No, just me. I’m new here, so… I don’t really have anyone,” I shrugged, preparing to head back downstairs when she stopped me.

“Hey, wait!”

I turned around, staring at her expectantly, eager to get back to carrying my boxes upstairs. I didn’t want to be rude, but.. there were so many.

“My parents will be here soon to help me, so why don’t you steal Steve?”

“Oh,” I stuttered, looking to Steve, “I couldn’t ask you to help me. Really, it’s fine, I can get it.”

“It’s no trouble,” he shrugged, “I’d like to. I’d hate for you to have to carry everything up by yourself. Besides, any roommate of Robin’s is a friend of mine.”

I breathed out a little chuckle and nodded, “If you insist.”

He followed me to the elevator, pressing the button for me and walking on after me. I expected awkward silence but there was none, he didn’t allow a single lull between his questions. He wanted to know everything, where I was from, what made me choose the school, what kinds of things I was into.

“Do you go here, too?” I asked him as we approached the U-Haul.

“Yes, I moved in yesterday. Robin helped me get everything to my dorm, but I’m on the first floor, so it was super easy. I figured I should help her anyway, though, even though she doesn’t need it.”

“She might not need it, but extra help is always appreciated. Or any help.”

“Is that your way of thanking me for helping you?”

“Well, it was either that or bake you a cake and there isn’t an oven in the dorm.”

“Raincheck on the cake, then,” he chuckled.

We talked the entire way back up, and I was shocked at how easy it came. I didn’t expect to click so well with him, and I silently prayed it’d be the same with Robin.

“There you two are,” she smiled as we walked back in, “Did he talk your ear off?”

“No,” I shrugged, “He talked the normal amount.”

“Yeah, the normal amount for a 6 year old on a road trip.”

Their dynamic was nice. They picked on each other, sure, but it was all friendly.

On the second trip down, Steve told me about his life. His high school experience, his hobbies, his hair. His friendship with Robin. I couldn’t tell whether or not there was something more than friendship there. I couldn’t help the small part of me that hoped not, Steve was really handsome and the nicest person I’d met in a while. But I definitely didn’t want to overstep any boundaries, and I was much too shy to ask. Besides, a guy like him probably wouldn’t want anything to do with me anyway.

By the time we got back up to the dorm, Robin’s parents were there.

“Oh hello,” her mom smiled, “You must be the roommate! Y/N, right?”

“Yes ma’am,” I responded.

“Well I’m Robin’s mom, Melissa, and this is her Dad, Richard. It’s so nice to meet you! Oh, you’re just so pretty!”

“Thank you,” I grinned, a little overwhelmed with how nice the woman was being. She was pretty, much like Robin, and she’d aged well. But she also had a warmth about her that was comforting, welcoming even.

An hour later, they had all of Robin’s things up and unpacked. They didn’t even ask if I wanted help finishing up, they just got to work, carrying the last of my things up with Steve and beginning to open boxes.

“You guys really don’t have to do all this,” I mumbled, sheepishly. I always felt awful accepting help, overwhelmed with gratefulness to the point of guilt.

“Oh, hush!” her mom laughed, “We want to!”

It only took another hour to have everything in its place, and we all stared proudly at our handiwork.

“Thank you all so much for your help,” I smiled at the group.

“Of course!” Mr. Buckley patted me on the back, his grin charming, “And if you ever need anything else, you call us! Now, how about we all go get something to eat? I think we’ve worked up enough of an appetite!”

I at first assumed I wasn’t invited because, well, it’s Robin’s family and Steve has apparently been her best friend for years so he’s basically family too. I was new in all this and definitely didn’t expect to be having dinner with all of them. But when they all walked towards the door and I hung back, everyone turned to me, matching confusion on their faces.

“Come on,” Robin chuckled, “You think we’re gonna let you starve after all the work we just did?”

And just like that, we all piled into Mrs. Buckley’s car. I was squished in the middle between Robin and Steve. I wanted to give her the middle because she was so small, but she told me she would feel carsick from Steve’s cologne and she’d rather have the window seat.

“What’re you kids in the mood for?” Mrs Buckley asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” Steve responded, and Robin and I agreed.

“I think there’s a barbecue joint a few miles down the road, let’s stop there,” Mr Buckley decided, turning to the back seat, “I know Robin and Steve like that, but is it okay with you, Y/N?”

“Of course,” I nodded, still shocked to be included in the dynamic.

Mrs Buckley almost missed the driveway to the restaurant and she slammed on her brakes and turned in at the last second, throwing me gracelessly into Steve, my seatbelt the only thing keeping me off his lap. He caught me swiftly as he himself hit the door, making sure I didn’t hurt myself in the commotion.

I risked a glance at him to see his eyes peering into mine, concerned and a bit discombobulated from the startle of it all.

“You okay?” he asked, and I nodded, staring down at his arm that was still around me. He cleared his throat, setting me upright in my seat as we pulled into a parking spot.

I turned to Robin, taking note of the huge smirk on her face. She was looking past me, eyes on Steve. Must’ve been some kind of inside joke I wasn’t part of yet.

We all walked inside together, and the hostess sat us at a booth, pulling an extra chair up to the end of it. I went to sit in it when Robin stopped me.

“Remember what I said about Steve’s cologne? And I get claustrophobic. You’d better sit by him, I’ll take the extra chair.”

I nodded slightly, sliding into the booth and letting Steve slide in beside me. I didn’t understand what the big deal was about his cologne, it wasn’t that strong. It was subtle but sweet, cinnamon overwhelming my senses and filling me with a warmth and comfort I craved. The kind of cologne that, when someone passes you wearing it, you stop and take a deep breath in, soak it up for all it’s worth.

Robin’s mom and dad, and Robin herself, were all giving Steve that strange smirk now, and I suddenly felt left out. I guess they were all in on the joke. Unlucky me.

We made small talk while we looked over the menus, picking what we wanted to eat.

“What’re you gonna get?” Steve asked, and I had to look up to realize his question was just for me. Robin and her parents were talking amongst themselves, completely ignoring us.

“I don’t know, probably just chicken fingers. I’m picky when I try new places.”

“Lame,” he tapped me in the ribs and joked, and I squirmed against his touch.

“It’s not lame! It’s a classic!”

“Let me guess, macaroni on the side?” he raised a brow, and I stared sheepishly at my lap, causing him to chuckle, “You’re pretty predictable, Grace.”

“That’s not my name,” I furrowed my brows at him.

“It’s a nickname. You know, Grace. ‘Cause you fell on me in the car. It’s irony.”

“Giving me nicknames already? My, how our friendship is growing,” I rolled my eyes, “If only it wasn’t such a rude one.”

“You can give me a rude one, too,” he offered, and I thought it over for a moment.

“Okay,” I nodded, “Box Boy.”

“Box Boy?”

“Yeah, cause you brought in all my boxes.”

“That’s the best you got?”

“It probably won’t stick, but I like it for now.”

“What’re you two whispering about?” Robin cut into our conversation, wiggling her eyebrows at us.

“It’s a secret, that’s why we’re whispering,” Steve deadpanned, and she snorted.

“Well, you two keep your secrets, and we’ll keep ours.”

“Fine by me, I have a feeling your secrets are pretty dark.”

I stifled a laugh, taking a long sip of my soda.

The rest of the dinner was full of happy chatting and getting to know each other. It turns out I got along really well with all of them, and I integrated well into the little group.

“You know, Y/N, I’m really happy you agreed to come eat with us,” Mrs Buckley told me as her husband handled the check.

“I’m just thankful you invited me! And paid for my food. Really, you didn’t have to!”

“Now stop with the bashfulness, you’re basically family now!”

With that, everyone stood. Steve helped me out of the booth and held the door open for me on the way out. It was sweet, in an old time kind of way. I fought off butterflies, and a crush that I felt coming a mile away.

Robin’s family dropped us off, and we stood outside talking for a few minutes.

“I’m gonna go inside and crash, but you two kids say your goodbyes,” she waved her hands at us and walked away, leaving us in silence.

“So…” I started.

“So…” he repeated.

“It was nice to meet you,” I offered.

“You, too.”

“Maybe I’ll see you again.”

“Hopefully.”

“Soon.”

“Yeah.”

I paused, not knowing what else to say. He was making no move to ask for my number, of course he probably wasn’t even interested like that anyway.

“Goodnight,” I smiled.

“Goodnight,” he repeated.

He stood for a moment and I stayed there, waiting for him to leave.

“I’m not going anywhere until I see you get inside safe.”

I giggled, “Yes sir.” And with that, I walked in.

The elevator ride to the fifth floor was long, but finally I was approaching my door, and I walked through it sleepily. I collapsed onto my bed, trying to ignore Robin’s staring.

“So…” she sighed, “You and Steve, huh?”

“Me and Steve what?”

“You guys have got it going on!”

“Have what going on?”

“Oh my God, Y/N, seriously, the sparks could’ve lit a cigarette. Did you give him your number?”

“He didn’t ask,” I shrugged, “Besides. I thought you guys were a thing.”

“I’m into chicks,” she rolled her eyes, “And even if I wasn’t, I still don’t know why you’d think that. I forced you to sit beside him the entire day. You think his cologne really bothers me that much? NO. I wanted you guys to… you know…. hit it off!!”

“Well, I think he’s a little out of my league,” I shrugged, sinking further into my sheets sadly.

“He absolutely is not. And I promise he’s into you. He’s just not the best with girls is all. He’ll have your number soon enough.”

“You’re not planning on giving it to him, right?”

“What? No! I’m gonna make the little shit ask you himself!”

“If he ever does.”

“He will.”

•First Day of Class

I walked into the lecture hall, brows furrowed, trying to make sure I was where I was supposed to be. Yes, room 208, I concluded.

It was a large room, but it wasn’t completely full. There were only about 20-30 people there total. I, of course, didn’t recognize any of them, so I took a seat away from everyone else. Nobody even spared me a glance, and I felt comfortable in my solitude, until the heavy door opened and shut behind me and a figure looked over me.

I looked up to see Steve, just as handsome as the first time I saw him. He was wearing a pair of joggers and a yellow sweatshirt, and he pulled off the comfy look well.

“Why are you sitting over here all alone?” he asked, one perfect eyebrow raised.

“I don’t know anyone,” I shrugged, and he scoffed.

“Well come sit by me and the guys from my dorm. I’ll introduce you.”

“I think I’d rather stay here.”

“Really?” I nodded slowly, “Then you leave me no choice.” He plopped down in the chair beside me, setting his things down and getting comfortable.

“What’re you doing?” I asked him.

“Well I’m not just gonna let you sit all alone.”

“But I like being alone,” I huffed, “Plus your friends miss you!” I gestured to the three guys staring holes through us.

He glanced in their direction and nodded, and that’s all it took for them to pile over to us.

“Stevie! My man! You gonna introduce us to your lovely friend?” One of them asked as he took the seat in front of us. He held his hand out for me to shake and I took it carefully, sighing.

“This is Grace.“

“That’s not my name!” I groaned.

“Then what is your name?” the tallest of the guys asked.

“Y/N.”

“Cute,” he winked at me, and Steve rolled his eyes sharply. “Y/N, this is Tate, Drew and Johnny.”

They all greeted me kindly and I responded in turn, but there wasn’t much time to talk before an older man walked in, an air of authority in his step.

“Hello, all. I’m Professor Chomsky, I’ll be teaching this course,” he began. What followed was a list of rules, regulations, class schedules, and lesson plans dull enough to make my forehead hit the desk in front of me.

“This is awful,” Steve whispered beside me, and the other guys nodded, “Another hour of his voice might kill me.”

“Shh!” I hissed at him, trying my best to focus on what the man at the front of the room was saying.

“Oh, get off it,” Steve smirked, “You’re just as bored as we are.”

“I’ll have you know I’m absolutely riveted!”

“Lying isn’t a good look, Grace.”

Just then, Tate chimed in, “Why do you call her Grace anyway if her name is Y/N?”

“It’s an inside thing,” Steve waved him off, “You wouldn’t get it.”

“Yeah, because calling me ‘Grace’ to make fun of me for being clumsy is such a hard joke to understand.”

“I don’t like your attitude today, Grace,” he furrowed his brows dramatically, and I couldn’t help giggling.

We were all interrupted by the sound of Professor Chomsky’s voice, booming at us to be quiet. We obeyed, whispering quietly every now and then but mostly hanging on by a thread to his monotonous words.

The class ended about a half hour later and Steve and I went our separate ways. We ended up having one more class together, and the guys were all in there, too, plus Drew’s girlfriend Natalie and Johnny’s sister Elaine. Robin as well. It was the most fun of all of them. It also happened to be my last class of the day. As it wrapped up and we all packed up our things, Steve stopped in front of my chair.

“Can I walk you back to your dorm?” he asked me.

“Sure,” I nodded with a smile, throwing my bag over my shoulder and following him out.

We chatted on the five minute walk. I found that I didn’t want it to end, but I hoped when it did, he would ask for my number. Or something, at least, to make me think he was interested. Part of me knew he wasn’t, though. Not as more than a friend.

“Here we are,” I sighed as we approached the doors.

“Yeah,” he nodded, “So… umm.. I’m happy we have those classes together. It’ll be nice to hangout every week.”

“Yeah, and we seem to have a good little group going. I like everyone a lot.”

“Everyone likes you a lot, too.”

I swayed on my toes, staring at him, waiting patiently. For what, I wasn’t sure.

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow?” he proclaimed, his voice chipper. I nodded slowly. “You know the drill, I can’t leave until you’re inside safe.”

I rolled my eyes and gave him a dopey grin, walking in just as I had the last time.

• Hangout at Elaine’s Apartment

Days of hanging out with Steve in class passed slowly, and I soaked in every moment. I was trying desperately to keep what I felt at bay, but it proved difficult when he wanted to walk me home every day.

A month went by and it was Saturday. I woke up around noon, the week had been especially exhausting, and immediately started studying. Robin did the same, sitting at her desk beside me and rifling through her flash cards.

“How is it that he’s walked you home every single day and still not asked for your number?” she asked out of nowhere.

“Robin, we’re talking about biochem. Not Steve.”

“Believe me, Steve is a scientific anomaly, so it’s close enough.”

I rolled my eyes, “I don’t know, okay? It’s like I wait for him to make a move or something every day, but he never does.”

“Well isn’t there anything between you both? All the rest of us can see it!”

“There’s chemistry, or at least I thought there was, but now I’m sure it was just one sided. He’s just not into me like that.”

“Then why does he walk you home every single day and not me?”

“Well… you have another class after that so you couldn’t walk with us, and he probably just doesn’t want to walk that far twice a day.”

“You’re grasping at straws. The boy wants you.”

“Why are you so invested, anyway? It’s not that serious, Rob. We’re just friends, that’s fine with me.”

“I just…” she started, trying to form her words correctly, “Steve has never been good with girls. He had one girlfriend, in high school. She wasn’t the best. I mean, she was fine, and he was happy, but she hurt him and he.. well, the details don’t matter but anyway. He never really had luck with any other girls. He was always too caught up in something else. But now we’re out of that town and you can’t convince me that your coming into our lives was a coincidence. Steve deserves this, and I want him to have it. If he can just get out of his own way.”

“And if he can’t?”

“He will. Believe me. It’s just gonna take a big push.”

“I’d rather just be his friend than stress myself over it,” I shrugged, going back to my studying.

A couple hours later, Robin got a text from Steve telling her that everyone was hanging out at Elaine’s apartment and we should come.

“Wanna go?” she asked me.

“I don’t know, I have a lot of studying left to do,” I hesitated.

“I was only asking to be polite. We’re going,” she stated, grabbing my hand and pulling me to my closet. “And you’re not wearing those wrinkly old jeans and a baggy t shirt. Pick something cute.”

“I’m not really a ‘cute clothes’ girl.”

“Well, tonight, you are.” She looked through my closet, pulling out a yellow sundress I stole from my mom’s closet at some point in time. I had to admit, it was a beautiful dress.

“You’ll wear this with your white sneakers,” she instructed, leaving no room for argument so I just nodded. “Steve won’t know what hit him!”

“Honestly, he’s probably into Elaine.”

“Why do you think that?”

“She’s… well, she’s older. She’s smart, and beautiful, and she always dresses to impress. She’s just.. she’s got everything.”

“Yeah, that’s why I have a crush on her. But I promise Steve doesn’t.”

“Whatever you say.”

Before long, it was time to get ready. I put on a little makeup, just some mascara, blush, and lip gloss, and paired gold hoops and a gold charm bracelet with the dress, slipping on my sneakers and following Robin out the door.

We were supposed to meet Steve outside of his dorm. The plan was for him to drive us to Elaine’s. As we approached the parking lot, we saw him leaning against the driver’s door of his car. Elaine was right in front of him, and they were locked in what seemed like a deep conversation.

“What’s that all about?” Robin asked as we took a step or two closer. I stopped in my tracks, though, when Elaine leaned up and kissed him square on his lips.

My heart shattered into about a million pieces. It’s crazy how you never know how intense your feelings for someone are until they blow up in your face. Sure, it hadn’t been long since I met him, but everyone has had a crush that spiraled out of control way too quickly.

“Hey, love birds?” Robin called out, her voice accusing.

They broke apart, startled, and stared at us dumbly. No doubt Steve saw the hurt on my face, but I tried so hard to keep it at bay.

“Grace,” he started, making a move to walk over to me, but the scene was interrupted by the other 3 guys joining us.

“Okay, so how’s this gonna work?” Tate blurted as they approached, “I know Y/N and Steve always have to sit by each other, And Natalie will be on Drew’s lap in the back, so I’m assuming Robin is gonna squeeze in the back with us?”

“I’d rather ride on the hood,” she croaked.

“It’s fine,” I sighed, “I’ll ride in the back with you guys, Robin can sit up front.”

“Well, someone can ride with me,” Elaine offered, “And you’ll just have to ride uncomfortably on the way back instead of both ways?”

“I will,” Natalie offered, “Wanna join me, Drew? That way there’s room in Steve’s car for everyone?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, following her to Elaine’s vehicle.

“I still wanna sit in the back,” I shrugged, climbing into the middle and letting both boys climb on either side of me.

Steve stared into the car at me for a moment, fists clenched, before climbing in behind the wheel and pulling off.

The ride had the potential to be awkward, and if it wasn’t for Johnny and Tate, it would’ve been. They lightened the mood a lot. Between their jokes and banter, I felt comfortable a couple minutes in. It was only a ten minute drive, and it went by extra quick with them.

As Steve pulled in, the car lurched to the side and threw me onto Tate.

“Woah there, I see why Steve calls you Grace now,” he laughed as he helped me up. The spark I felt when it happened with Steve wasn’t there, but Steve didn’t know that, and he sent us a death glare through the rear view mirror.

Elaine pulled in right after us and lead us up a flight of stairs to an isolate apartment, quite large. It was a one bedroom two bathroom, but every room was huge.

“Mi casa es su casa,” she sighed as we walked in. “I’ve got drinks, card games, books to study, and lots of movies. Whatever you guys are into!”

“Let’s starts out with the drinks,” Johnny suggested, and everyone nodded.

Moments later, we all had a beer in our hands. Elaine suggested we save the liquor for after, and we agreed. We also all collectively decided we would play Cards Against Humanity until we were tipsy, and then we would watch a horrible movie together.

Music played from the radio in the background as we all settled into our spots for the night. Drew and Natalie on the bean bag chair, Johnny Tate and Robin piled onto the couch, and Elaine cozy in her recliner. That left only the loveseat for Steve and I, and I fought a scowl.

“Scoot over, Rob,” I gestured, but she refused.

“I wanna stretch out and be comfy! There’s plenty of room on the love seat!”

I rolled my eyes and flipped her off, walking begrudgingly to Steve and plopping down beside him.

“Is sitting by me really that bad of a thing?” he asked, and everyone stared at me, waiting for an answer.

“No, it’s fine. It’s just.. Robin was right. Your cologne is a lot.”

He almost looked hurt, but he shook it off as we started the game.

A few rounds in, Steve leaned back in his seat, accidentally shifting himself closer to me. I stared down at his leg, almost touching mine.

“You look nice tonight,” he mumbled so nobody but me could hear, “I’ve never seen you in something so… delicate before.”

“If you’re gonna compliment someone, it should be your girlfriend,” I shrugged off what he’d said and took a long swig of my beer.

“Girlfriend?” he furrowed his brows.

“You know. The girl you kissed.”

“Oh.” He stared at his lap. “Listen, Grace, that wasn’t -“

“I don’t want to hear it,” I shrugged, “Doesn’t matter to me. You guys are super cute together, I’m real happy for you.”

He looked taken aback but my tone told him he should let it go, and he did, taking a swig of his own beer and leaving me alone for the moment. The moment didn’t last long, though, because before long everyone was a little intoxicated from all the alcohol and his arm was resting on my shoulders. I couldn’t fight the way I fell into him, I could barely even fight the sleep.

“Movie time!” Elaine exclaimed, jumping up to find her favorite DVD. She picked a cheesy old scary movie that barely made sense, and we were all more than happy with it. Nobody wants to watch a good movie while they’re drunk. She settled back in as it began, munching on the snacks she’d brought out for everyone.

“Please talk to me,” Steve mumbled into my hair.

“Don’t want to,” I slurred out, closing my eyes and breathing him in. My actions didn’t match up with my words and I knew that, but I couldn’t help myself.

“Well then come here,” he sighed, grabbing me under my knees and pulling me into his lap. He rested me against his chest, holding me snugly, letting me get as cozy in him as I wanted. “Talk to me when you’re ready.”

If I’d been sober, I would’ve worried about cuddling with Elaine’s boyfriend right in front of her, but I wasn’t. I did spare her a glance, though, and she smiled at me. Strange. She didn’t seem to care at all.

“Shouldn’t you be snuggling with Elaine over there?” I whispered to him, my face nestled in the crook of his neck.

He pulled a blanket from beside the armrest and tucked it over me as he responded, “Let’s talk when we’re sober.”

“Wan’ talk now,” I hummed.”

“She’s not my girlfriend, Grace. The closest thing I have to a girlfriend is you.”

“But y’kissed her and you never kissed me,” I pouted. I don’t know whether my attitude came from sleepy delirium or intoxication.

“You’re right,” he nodded, leaving it at that.

“Y’could if you wanted to,” I breathed out as I drifted off into sleep.

I woke up in the passenger seat of the car. Robin was driving, and I looked around frantically for Steve before realizing I was in his lap.

“Oh, hi,” I mumbled.

“Morning, sunshine,” he smiled, “Go back to sleep. I’ll make sure you get in bed safe.”

“I don’t wanna go back to sleep,” I whined, leaning up.

I glanced in the back seat. Johnny was on one side, half asleep leaning on the window. Tate was in the middle, texting someone, and Drew was on the other side with Natalie passed out on his lap.

“Why’s Robin driving?” I asked curiously.

“He didn’t want you sleeping on anyone else,” she smirked at us.

“Oh,” I didn’t know what else to say to that.

He ran his hand through my hair, playing with the strands, twisting them between his fingers.

“That feels good,” I hummed, leaning into his touch.

“Yeah?” he asked as he kept going, tugging the strands a little harder.

“Mmhmm.”

“Get a room,” Tate coughed from his spot in the back, and we all giggled.

Finally, Robin pulled into the parking lot of our dorms.

“Come on,” Steve sighed, opening the car door and helping me out. His hand stayed at the small of my back as he walked me to the door, steadying me when I swayed slightly.

“I’m gonna have the worst headache tomorrow,” I whined.

“Probably,” he laughed, helping me up the stairs.

Robin cleared her throat, “I’m gonna go upstairs and let you guys… talk.” We nodded and watched her go, then turned back to each other.

“I should probably go up, too,” I mumbled, refusing to meet his eyes.

“Okay,” he nodded, but he didn’t let go of me. “I want to talk to you about -“

“I don’t want to talk about Elaine, Steve. Just go.”

“But-“

“No. I’m still drunk and I’m tired and my heart can’t take much more tonight so please just go and we’ll talk about it another time.”

“Grace,” he started, and I could tell he was frustrated, but I was too. It sucked walking up on him lip locking someone else. I didn’t want to listen or get over it yet. Any explanation he had wouldn’t be good enough for me, after all, what excuse is there to kiss another girl if he liked me? The only explanation was that he wasn’t into me, and he was trying to let me down easy. Or trying to have both.

“Stop,” I put my hand on his chest and pushed him away slightly, “I said another time. Please go.”

He watched me for a few seconds, waiting for me to change my mind, but I didn’t. I wanted him to go. For the first time, I wasn’t lingering or giving him that look like he could kiss me if he wanted to.

“Okay. Just take my number in case you need anything tonight.”

I nodded slowly, handing him my phone. He inputted the digits and handed it back, then let me walk inside in peace. I made it all the way upstairs before finally freeing my emotions, and the alcohol in my system caused them to spill out of my eyes.

“Oh, Y/N,” Robin sighed, walking over to sit by me.

“I am so over Steve Harrington,” I huffed.

“You didn’t even hear him out?”

“It doesn’t matter what he says, it’s not gonna wipe the image of them kissing out of my head.”

She nodded, staying up with me a little longer before we both nodded off.

The next morning, I woke up to a message from Steve. Apparently he’d called himself from my phone so he’d have my number too.

Good morning. Just checking on you. You feel okay?

I read it over and over before turning the phone off, deciding not to respond. I could feel my head pounding and I couldn’t take extra stress.

I got up, preparing to go get some water from the vending machine, but when I opened the door I saw a convenience store bag on the outside handle. I opened it to see advil, water, and powerade, along with a note scribbled on the receipt.

“Figured you might need this.

Let me know if you need anything else.

Steve.”

My heart grew as I paced back in the room, sitting on my bed. I texted him to thank him, then fell back to sleep with medicine and hydration in my system.

• The Next Class

I ignored Steve for the rest of that day. I suppose seeing him kiss someone else made the walls build up around my heart, but all I knew for sure was that he couldn’t get through anymore. Of course, I was still a bit sad. I liked Steve a lot, but we were better off as friends.

I walked to class the next morning, running a minute or two late but I knew Professor Chomsky wouldn’t care much. When I walked in, Steve and the guys were in their usual seats, and I took mine right in the center of them.

“Morning, Grace,” Steve absolutely beamed at me. I grinned tightly and politely in return, and pulled out my books, not bothering to respond. It probably seemed a little rude, but to me, it was what I had to do. “You gonna keep ignoring me? I screwed up that bad?”

I glanced over at him, “You didn’t screw up at all. We’re friends, Steve. I’m happy when you’re happy and if you’re happy with Elaine then I hope you guys work out.”

“Saturday night you were practically crying, and now you’re giving me your blessing and saying you want me to date her?”

“I was drunk. I’m not anymore, and yes, I want you to be with her. I’m sure she’s a great girlfriend. Just what you deserve.”

“Unbelievable,” he scoffed, “You really just want to be friends?”

“Yes,” I nodded curtly, turning to my books.

The other guys were looking at us curiously, like we were a soap opera playing right in front of them. They looked even more astounded when I walked out at the end of class without waiting for Steve. I felt horrible. He was the sweetest guy in the world. But clearly he liked Elaine more, seeing as she’s the one he made a move on, and I wasn’t going to stand in their way. I was sure it would get easier with time.

The next class I had with him went similarly. He tried to talk to me, and I brushed him off. I didn’t ignore him, I just didn’t entertain him, and I could tell it drove him nuts.

I could feel Elaine watching us, watching him. She must’ve been wondering why he was so wrapped up in me instead of talking to her. I was wondering that myself, but I let it go.

“Are you ever going to forgive him?” Robin asked as we walked out.

“I already did. It’s just not the same. I dunno,” I shrugged.

“I think you should hear him out. He’s bound to have an explanation for that kiss.”

“Even if he does, I don’t want to hear it, Rob. It happened and even if I decided to go back to how it used to be, I’d still see him kissing her in my brain every time he got close to me.”

“I understand,” she nodded, and we parted ways as she headed off to her next class. I, however, set off for my dorm.

“Grace!” I heard from behind me, and I sighed, knowing only one person called me that.

I turned around to see him sprinting to me, “I’m not letting you walk home alone.”

“Steve,” I sighed.

“No.” He seemed genuine, serious. “I care about you. Even if we’re just friends, I care about you. You don’t get to become one of my favorite people and then just cut me off. I’m walking you home. Like a friend would do.”

I stared at him for a moment, then nodded. Truthfully, I was delighted that he’d asked. I figured, with the way I’d treated him that day, he wouldn’t bother.

“So you and Elaine…” I started as we walked, genuine curiosity gnawing at me.

“Can we not talk about it?” he asked, and I nodded.

“Shouldn’t you be walking with her, though? How does she feel about our friendship?“

“Grace,” he warned, and I heeded, shutting up.

We made small talk the entire way, the awkward kind we weren’t used to. I hoped the “friendship” would come more naturally with time. After all, we’d been the best of friends for the entire two months since we met. And we’d never really been more than friends, so I wasn’t sure why this was throwing us off so much.

“Thank you for walking with me, Steve,” I said, preparing to walk away when he grabbed my hand.

“I really want us to go back to how things were before… what you saw.”

“I want that too, Steve. I just… can we forget everything and just be friends like we were?”

“Please,” he sighed, relief washing over him.

“But it can’t be quite the same. I don’t know if you realize how.. touchy, and close we are. Do you think maybe we could take a step back from that for a while?”

“If that’s what it takes to fix this, but I don’t want to. I hope you know that.”

“Steve, you have a girlfriend.”

“She’s not my girlfriend, she’s- well, she’s-“

“She’s what?”

“I can’t talk about it,” he ran his hand through his hair like he did when he was stressed.

“Of course. Well, when you’re ready to, we can go back to how it was. But for now, we’re just friends who don’t constantly sit by each other and hold hands and hug and walk together.”

“That’s fair,” he agreed, resigning himself to his fate.

With that, I left and we didn’t talk much for the rest of the day. He texted me, but I didn’t respond. I wanted him to get the picture.

• The Halloween Party

Another month passed slowly. Distancing myself from Steve was horrible. Every time the group hung out, he was agonizingly close, but I kept away and he respected my wishes and kept away from me, too. It almost itched, how badly I wanted to reach out and grab his hand. I thought it would become easier, but it didn’t. And the worst part was that the group wasn’t adjusting well to the new dynamic, constantly making jokes and comments about “me putting Steve in the dog house.”

Whatever had been going on with Steve and Elaine seemed to be over, they would chat but I never saw any PDA or even chemistry between them. In fact, she’d grown closer to Robin than anything, and when we would hang out, they would stick together. Natalie and Drew were a pair, and Steve would pack in with Tate and Johnny. I was sort of lonesome, but it was okay. Part of me wanted to just forget the kiss and go fully back to how it was, touching flirting and all. But as I told Robin, it was engrained in my memory and I didn’t really want him if he chose her first.

“Y/N,” Elaine snapped me out of my trance as we waited for class to start, all huddled up in our little group.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“I was telling everyone about my Halloween party. It’s gonna be you guys, and a few older friends I have in my other classes. Not, like, a banger, but definitely a crowd and a good time. Interested?”

“Of course, do I have to dress up?”

“Well it is a Halloween Party,” she rolled her eyes at me, laughing.

And that was that. We all planned to go. She was having it at her parents’ cabin, about 45 minutes away from the campus. Obviously, she couldn’t do it at her apartment.

The days leading up to it, Robin and I looked for costumes. She decided to go as Velma, and she tried to convince me to dress as Daphne but I suggested that Elaine be Daphne instead, and they both loved the idea. I had a costume of my own in mind.

I dug in the back of my closet until I found a black peasant dress that I’d had for forever. It was long sleeve, and the sleeves were lace and flared at the bottom. The cut was low and accentuated the way the corseted middle pushed up my chest, and the skirt flared out but still highlighted all my curves in all the right places. I paired it with some ripped up fishnets, black boots, and a funky witch’s hat I found at the Halloween store that also had lace lining it. It was perfect, maybe even good enough to get the kind of attention that would help me forget Steve once and for all.

When the day came for the party, Robin went to Elaine’s to get ready and I got ready alone. I curled my hair, did my makeup perfectly for the first time in forever, and finished the look off with red lipstick. Then I got dressed, and I was ready to head out the door when I got a phone call from Steve, whom I was supposed to meet outside of his dorm so he could drive me, Natalie, and the other guys there.

“Hey,” I answered, “What’s up?”

“Hey, just letting you know, don’t walk over. I’m coming to get you. Natalie is gonna take her car, and the guys are going with her, so it’ll just be me and you.”

“Okay, you headed here now?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in like two minutes.”

“I’ll be outside waiting,” I told him and we hung up.

When he pulled up, I was standing on the curb, all dressed up. My nerves were bundled up in my stomach, and I felt like I needed to throw up. What if he didn’t like my outfit? He’d never seen me so dressed up before.

He got out of the car and ran over to the passenger side, opening the door for me. I couldn’t miss the way his eyes scanned me, hungry and searching for every exposed patch of skin he could see.

He cleared his throat as he sat in his own seat, “You look….”

“Different?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Good.”

I smiled, sitting back. My nerves were still there, but they were eased by the way he couldn’t stop staring at me, glances out of the corner of his eye giving him away as he began the drive.

“What’re you supposed to be?” I asked, raising my eyebrow at his black t shirt and black jeans.

“I didn’t want to dress up, but Robin said I had to so I just picked up a ghost face mask.”

“Ghost face, huh? Chicks dig that.”

“That’s exactly what Robin said,” he laughed, “Billy Loomis does it for girls, huh?”

“I’m not telling you what does it for me, but nice try.”

“I see the new look comes with a new attitude.”

I blushed, covering it up by staring out the window. We were doing so well, just being friendly. Why was he suddenly flirting now? And why was I flirting back? I told myself to get a grip, and stayed silent for a moment, so he turned up the radio, taking my hint.

The rest of the ride was filled with silence, heavy with tension. I felt like a rubber band about to snap, the glances he was giving me sending me into overdrive but I pretended I was fine, crossing my legs and staring out the window.

I opened my door before he had the chance when we pulled into the parking lot. There were a good bit of cars, and it seemed like a little more than a crowd. I suppose Elaine’s intimate hangout had accidentally turned into a party. Steve noticed this as well, placing his hand on the small of my back as we walked in together possessively but I brushed him off, walking over to where Robin and Elaine were sitting on the couch.

Robin must’ve been over the moon with all the attention she’d been getting from the older girl. Just by the way they were sitting, I could imagine her pulse racing. Elaine’s legs were thrown over Rob’s lap, her arms wrapped tightly around her neck. If I didn’t know them well, I’d assume they were a couple.

“Welcome to my party!” Elaine grinned.

“It did turn into quite the event, huh?” I chuckled, glancing around.

“One person told another person who told everybody, I guess,” she shrugged.

“Where’s the alcohol?” I asked her.

“Through that door,” she pointed to what I assumed was the kitchen. I walked that way, running into Tate and Johnny on the way, so they walked with me.

“You look hot, Y/N!” Johnny grinned wide as he told me so. He wasn’t being weird or anything, he was genuinely just giving me a compliment, so I grinned in return.

“Really, who knew you had this badass in you? Red lipstick and everything? Poor Steve must be having palpitations,” Tate laughed, and the other nodded.

“Steve and I are just friends.”

“That’s what you want, not what he wants. He loooooooves you, he wants to smooooooooch you,” Johnny sang, tapping his fingers together in a kissing motion.

“I think you’ve had too much too drink,” I scoffed, pouring myself a cup full of whatever looked good and leaving them to go back to the couch. The only open spot was beside Steve, so I took it, sipping on my drink.

“You’re not gonna make yourself a drink?” I asked him, and he shook his head.

“Put on your mask, dingus. It’s a costume party,” Robin reached over and poked him, and he rolled his eyes as he did as she asked.

He looked good. I could feel my heart begin to race as he turned to me, and usually it would’ve made me nervous, but I just felt powerful in that moment. I knew he thought I looked good. I wanted to use it. I wanted to make him burn like I had.

I leaned in close to him, “Wanna play psycho killer?”

“Grace-“ he started, but I cut him off.

“Can I be the helpless victim?” I placed my hand on his chest, my fingers brushing over where hair peeled through the top of his v neck. I almost felt him shiver. “Please don’t kill me, Mr Ghost Face. I wanna be in the sequel!” I trailed my hand down his chest, scratching him lightly with my nails. As I approached his waist line, he grabbed my wrist sharply, halting my movements.

“You think you’re cute?” he huffed.

“You think I’m cute,” I smirked. I pulled my hand away from him and got up, leaving him there basically panting as I walked away.

I found Johnny and Tate chatting with a couple of other guys, and approached.

“Oh, hey! Y/N! I was wondering where you ran off to!” Tate smiled, welcoming me in.

“Just went to mess with Steve,” I shrugged, glancing at the other guys. One of them had his eyes on me, and I took the opportunity.

“Are you friends with these guys?” I asked him, leaning in a little closer.

“Yeah, I stay in the same dorm as them,” the guy nodded.

“Oh, neat! I can’t believe I’ve never seen you before!”

“Yeah, but it’s okay. Plenty of time to make up for it,” he winked at me.

“What are you doing?” Johnny whisper yelled into my ear, “Steve is watching you!”

“Steve and I are just friends. He likes kissing other girls so I’m gonna go talk to another guy.”

With that, I stepped closer to the mystery man. “Wanna dance?”

He nodded, grabbing my hand and pulling me to the center of the floor where people were dancing. He turned me around and I began swaying with him, daring to glance over at Steve. He looked furious, absolutely fuming at the sight of me with someone else. I was thriving off of it.

All of a sudden, Elaine pulled me away from him, pulling me closer to the couches. The guy protested for a second but Elaine sent him a death glare and he backed off.

“Why are you doing this?” she sighed.

“Doing what?”

“Dancing with him. Steve is right there. You’re breaking his heart.”

“Steve kissed you, Elaine. Even if you guys aren’t a thing, even if it didn’t work out or whatever and he likes me now, it happened and I can’t just forget that. He liked you more than me or he wouldn’t have kissed you instead of me and I don’t want to be second choice.”

“But that’s not what happened! Steve and I were never a thing!”

“Well he must’ve felt something, because he sure did swap spit with you.”

“It was a peck,” she rolled her eyes and huffed, throwing her hands up dramatically, “And I’m gay.”

My mouth fell agape, “What?”

“I never knew. I mean, I always thought girls were cute or whatever but I never had romantic feelings for them. Then I met Robin and couldn’t think about anything else. Excuse my bluntness, but I’ve never wanted to scissor anyone so badly. Steve is so easy to talk to, I completely opened up that night. I asked him if I could kiss him to see if I felt anything. To see if it felt right, and he said yes and believe me, neither of us felt anything. It was just weird.”

“So you and Robin are together now?”

“Well… I’m hoping we’ll get together tonight, if you catch my drift.”

“And Steve never liked you?”

“Of course not. Y/N, he’s been head over heels for you since he met you. He doesn’t talk about anyone else, he doesn’t think about anyone else.”

“Oh God, why didn’t I just hear him out sooner when he tried to talk to me about this? I’ve screwed everything up!”

“Look at him. He loves you, it’s all over his face. You haven’t screwed anything up.”

I stared at him for a moment before thanking her and heading his way.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, standing directly in front of where he sat so my knees bumped into his bent ones.

“Why didn’t I tell you what?”

“About Elaine. If I’d just known-“

“I promised her I wouldn’t say anything to anyone until she was sure.”

“Still, you could’ve-“

“You were so upset about me kissing another girl, nothing but the truth would’ve worked.”

“Steve,” I sighed, “If I had known-“

“What would you have done?”

“I would’ve- Well, I would’ve-“

I couldn’t even complete my sentence, he cut me off at the jump, leaning in and slotting his lips onto mine. I was startled for a moment but he didn’t stop, and eventually I kissed back, savoring every second like it was the last. He pulled away as if he wanted to say something but I didn’t let him, pulling him right back in by his shirt and wrapping my arms around his neck. His hands found my back, pulling me closer into an arch and wandering, ghosting over my waist line.

We were cut short by cheers coming from beside us, and we backed away from each other just enough to look.

“It’s about damn time, dingus!” Robin huffed, wrapped tightly in Elaine’s arms. I blushed, hiding my face in Steve’s chest, and he leaned down to my ear.

“Come with me,” he whispered, and I nodded.

He lead me to the backyard, where a lake was glistening in the moonlight. There was a lake house beside it, cute and cottagey, like something out of a story book.

“Elaine is letting all of us stay here tonight,” he explained, “There’s only three bedrooms, though. So she told me we could stay out here.”

“She just assumed I’d be staying wherever you stay?”

“I mean, be honest with yourself, Grace. Even if we were still just friends, you’d rather bunk with me than anyone else here.”

“I suppose that’s true,” I shrugged, following him through the door to see that it was immaculately decorated. It didn’t have a real fireplace like the house did but it did have one of those huge automatic ones, so he turned it on, warming the place up. It was one room, there was a bed in the corner, not huge but big enough for the two of us, a TV above the fireplace and a couch in front of it with some other furniture scattered about. There was a closet and a bathroom, as well.

“We left the party awfully early,” I observed, turning to him.

“I have a night in a lake house with you, and you think I wanna waste it partying?”

“Well, when you put it that way,” I smiled, grabbing his hand and pulling him closer.

“I’m in love with you, Grace. I haven’t loved anyone in a really long time, and maybe never like this. And I know it’s quick, but I don’t care. I love you.”

“I love you too, stupid,” I rolled my eyes, pulling him closer until his lips met mine again and we fell into a dance of teeth and tongue.

He grabbed the fat of my hip, squeezing, the dress bunching up in his fingers.

“Fuck, Y/N, do you even know what this dress does to me?” he groaned, “Never seen you like this before.”

“I only bought it so you could take it off,” I rasped as his lips found my neck. At my words, he started sucking, leaving a mark I was sure would stay for days, and I moaned. Something about him wanting to claim me made me shiver, goosebumps littering my skin, my need multiplying.

“I can do that, baby,” he nodded, reaching behind me and pulling the zipper down slowly. He eased it down my shoulders, his fingertips brushing my skin and his eyes following their path. His irises got a little darker at the sight of the black lace covering my most sacred places, and he went ahead and undid the clasp of my bra, letting it fall with the dress.

“You look so pretty like this,” he sighed, staring at me for a moment, his gaze loving.

“Your turn,” I smirked, slipping my hands under his shirt and pulling it over his head. My fingertips clumsily attempted to undo his belt, and he stopped me, doing it himself one handed and throwing it on the ground. It was one of the hottest things I’ve seen him do. I let out a light moan, and he chuckled.

“Feel like a helpless victim yet?” he asked.

“You’re not wearing the mask, so no,” I shrugged jokingly, and he frowned.

“I can fix that,” he stated, walking to the table by the door where he’d set said mask. He pulled it on his head and my mouth fell slightly agape. He looked so perfect. So pretty.

“Want me to fuck you just like this?” he asked, and I nodded frantically. “Come here,” he grabbed my hips lightly, leading me to the end of the bed. He spun me slowly, “Bend over for me, baby,” he coaxed as he pressed on my back. I did as he asked and all I heard was a rip as he tore off the stockings, not worrying about my shoes.

I looked back to see him falling to his knees, then I felt his fingertips where I needed him most and I gasped. It was slow at first, just light touching, but I was absolutely dripping, desperately waiting for what I wanted.

“Steve, baby, please,” I whimpered, and he chuckled again.

“Anything for you, Grace,” he cooed, pushing one finger in. I let out a sigh and a moan, begging for more, and he obliged, pushing in another and eventually a third. Before long, he had a steady rhythm, pushing in and out of me in a way that had me ready to come apart.

“Please Steve, need it, need more, need you,” I panted, pushing back on him, reaching behind me to touch whatever part of him I could reach.

I heard a sharp zip as he undid his pants, kicking them off. His tip rubbed against my slit teasingly at first, then pushed in slowly, and I let out a shaky breath. He was huge, bigger than I’d probably ever had, and my walls were stretched deliciously. It didn’t help that I hadn’t done anything with anyone in a while. I’d been waiting for Steve since before I even met him.

“Please,” I whined, my voice a broken shell of what it was before he kissed me. He’d wrecked me already and hadn’t even fucked me yet.

“Here you go, baby. I’ve got you,” he sighed, setting a steady pattern of thrusts, hard and quick and perfect, everything I needed from him, His hands found my hips, squeezing hard enough to leave bruises, and I met him thrust for thrust pushing into him like a woman starved.

That lasted for a little longer before he pulled out abruptly. I whined, achingly empty, but he stopped me short by grabbing my hips and turning me over. “Scoot back,” he instructed, “I wanna see your pretty face.”

“I wanna see yours too,” I hummed as I did as he asked, scooting all the way to the top of the bed and laying my head down like a true pillow princess. He nodded, ripping the mask off and tossing it aside, and I gasped at him in all his glory. He was so handsome, hair a mess on his head, a slight sheen of sweat making him glisten.

He climbed up on top of me, grabbing my leg and putting it over his shoulder. He leaned down and captured my lips as he pushed in, and I groaned, the new angle putting him in just the right spot.

“I’m gonna cum if you keep doing that,” I whimpered.

“That’s the point,” he smirked, reaching down to rub circles on my clit as he fucked me harder. “Such a good girl, gonna cum all over me?”

I nodded frantically, wrapping my free leg around his back and pulling him in farther, earning a deep groan.

“You’re so perfect like this, taking it so good. Who woulda known my quiet girl could take it like this?” his words spurred me on, making me see stars as the coil in my tummy got ready to snap.

“Steve baby need to cum, please cum with me,” I gasped, clenching around him as I finally snapped, and he groaned. He wasn’t very far behind me, and we rode out our highs together, staring at each other when we were done like a couple of lovestruck kids.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get here,” he whispered for only me, and I giggled.

“It’s okay, Steve. It’s my fault. If I hadn’t spent so long being jealous, this would’ve already happened.”

“I think it happened right when it was supposed to,” he smirked, kissing me on the forehead and walking to the bathroom. He wet a towel and brought it back, cleaning me up and then himself, then joined me in bed.

“Would you wanna, like, go on a date with me?” he asked, nerves clouding his voice.

I thought it over for a moment, leaving him in suspense.

“Of course. How about tomorrow?”

[wolven91]

Bird Culture

From over Moisés's right shoulder, the perfectly curved, black, sickle-like claw darted in, and with pinpoint accuracy, sliced a portion of the squidget meat off the larger section in one smooth movement. Moisés flinched, taken by complete surprise by the intrusion which gave the apparent thief enough time to stab the small slice with the point of the claw and retreat. The human had thought himself alone in the apartment's kitchen, overlooking the station's fight dome in the center of the station’s habitat sector, whilst he prepared the evening meal.

Only now that said meal was under assault before it went in the slow cooker!

"Ey! No!" The human shouted turning to his right and slapping the appendage with a hand as the black scaled arm and hand retreated, only to see the exact same thing happen, only this time on his left.

Moisés turned back to the cutting board and snatched up his knife, to spin around and wield it at the offender who had already skipped away with a lightness in their step and a flap of massive blue wings that made it seem that gravity was merely a suggestion to them.

"¡Oy cabrón! If you eat it all before it goes into the pot, you don't get any when it's done!" Moisés admonished in faux anger.

Breelu merely smirked at Moisés, the miniscule sky-blue feathers that lined the delicate scales around the edges of his beak pulling back and up in a grin. All the while the ill begotten meat was dropped into the waiting black beak with a victorious flourish and a clack.

Moisés stuck his tongue out at the avian and turned back to the meal, aware the avian couldn’t copy the gesture. The meat was just the last of the ingredients to go into the pot, everything else was already in and waiting to be stirred together.

Having done all that, then putting the lid firmly on and preparing the timer, Moisés sighed and hung the kitchen towel off one of the cupboard door knobs. His tasks for the day were done. At least until it was time to wash up the pot after they had eaten.

"Right. give that a few hours and it should be ready." The human explained out loud, more to himself than to anyone else. Moisés always wanted to ensure that Breelu had a meal waiting for him when the avian returned home. Nervous of the station, Moisés hadn't quite gotten to the point of getting a job yet. But living with Breelu offered the human more than just a communal room. In return the human ensured the avian had a clean, tidy home to return to with a hot meal waiting for him.

Two long, strong arms appeared from around each of his shoulders and met over his stomach, the taloned hands touching his midsection through the thin material of his top. The man could feel the series of pinpricks where the talons rested. A feathered head pushed its way into the crook of the man's neck and two huge blue, white, and black wings encircled them both; blocking out the kitchen and the rest of the world. The short, straight beak leant down to touch against his chest and pulled him backwards into the feathered chest of Breelu.

"Thank you." Uttered the alien honestly, his baritone voice rumbling against Moisés’s back.

Moisés adored it when Breelu did this. He felt safety in the protection of the avian's embrace like no other. Tension the man didn't realise he had in his shoulders, was sapped out of him by the alien and his body sagged with another sigh as it all eased. Only this time his sigh was one of contentment.

Moisés couldn't help himself as his face pulled into a soft smile at the touch of his roommate. They weren't a 'couple', at least not yet. He hadn't asked the larger, eight-foot tall, winged biped out yet and Moisés had the distinct feeling the alien was waiting for him to make the first move. It wasn't only a few months ago that Moisés had been quite certain that he'd never consider a male as a partner, yet here he was; feeling quite safe and at home in another male's hug. They weren't even human!

Opening his eyes though, his current world was about a foot in diameter and ended at a wall of beautiful feathers that shimmered in the overhead light of their home. This world was far more manageable than the universe outside of the four walls of their apartment. Moisés reached out a hand and gently ran his fingers down the inside of Breelu's wing. His fingers trailed through them, feeling their delicate silky feathers tickle his digits. 

"Man. Where can I get wings like these?" Moisés asked quietly with a wistful tone. It was rhetorical of course, but as with all things; Breelu wanted to give Moisés everything and anything.

"Oh, that's easy. Watch this." Breelu whispered directly into Moisés's ear, tickling it with the point of his beak. The two black scaled arms that were draped around Moisés from his shoulders, retreated and instead appeared around his middle, lifting the human with the same effort one might give to lifting a small bag of potatoes.

Moisés made a small noise as he was picked up with ease by the larger alien and was reminded quite definitively just how much stronger the creature was. The pair, although it was more Breelu doing the walking, moved to the full-length mirror in the hallway that connected to the walk-in entrance that Moisés had to use when not carried by Breelu.

"Hands behind your back." Breelu instructed and Moisés complied. The avian had a firm, but always warm tone. Despite the colours being so close to a bluejay of old, Moisés always felt Breelu's normal voice would have fit a bird of prey back on Earth.

Placed back onto the floor, Breelu ducked his head behind Moisés and held his arms beneath Moisés's armpits whilst pinning the man's arms behind his back with the alien's feathered chest.

"Tadaa!" The alien chirped, gesturing with one of his scaled arms at the mirror. The feathers only began on an avian's arms after the elbow, below that were the fine soft scales that made up their feet and around their eyes and beaks. Those arms presented the mirror in front of them both to Moisés.

The man looked into the mirror and paid attention to what he was being shown.

Ignoring the only partially hidden eight foot tall alien behind the human who was currently trying to hide, what Breelu had done was present Moisés with what he would look like, if the human had the magnificent wings of Breelu. A grand set seemingly sprouted from Moisés's shoulders and were extended as far as they would go in the space of the hallway. It was a magnificent display and if Moisés didn't pay attention, he could fool himself into believing he had wings.

The human couldn’t help himself, but stand just a little bit taller as his chest came out and his back straightened. In kind, the wings flexed, the long primary feather displaying to their maximum. 

The immediate sense of freedom and brilliance blossomed within Moisés's chest. It warmed him like a newborn sun that warmed the sands of a distant and grateful world.

Breelu's arms reached up and held Moisés's cheeks as if they were his own arms and held the human's head, in either shock or joy.

From behind Moisés came a muffled voice that had taken on a familiar, if not mildly mocking,  accent.

"Oh my! Look at my beautiful wings! They are the most beautiful wings on the station! I sure hope my roommate touches and preens them again! 'Cos I sure do love it when he does that!" The muffled tone and accent the avian had put on was a very poor copy of Moisés's but clear enough that the human understood this was supposedly the avian mimicking him. Moisés couldn't help but grin and roll his eyes with a shake of his head.

Breelu's huge head appeared over Moisés's shoulder once more.

"Aww you're totally right, you *do* have the nicest wings on the station and everyone knows that avians love to have their wings stroked by someone they trust." The avian replied to himself, once more rubbing his feathered head against the side of Moisés's, who couldn't help but giggle and laugh whilst trying to squirm from the avian's grip. He didn’t try hard. 

"Come on, let's go to the sofa and I can tell you about my day?" Suggested Breelu, straightening and gently touching the smooth curve of his talons to Moisés's cheek, stroking it lovingly. 

In short order, the pair were back in the main room. This was where their entertainment system was, plus it was connected to their kitchen so the slow cooker gently released a delicious smell throughout the home. 

What dominated the room was a massive ‘sofa’. 

Moisés had never seen a ‘sofa’ this big before, but it wasn’t designed for humans in mind. It was capable of holding no less than three ursidains as well as a handful of the smaller races. Avains varied in size as well, so it was always wise to plan for more, rather than less when it came to guests. 

What this meant for Moisés however, was that their living room, had what amounted to a double super-king mattress that both he and Breelu could stretch out on and still struggle to touch each other. 

Granted that wasn’t the problem at the moment. When they had approached the sofa, Breelu had picked Moisés off the floor and with one heavy flap of his wings (which sent the book that the human had ben reading flying) had lifted the pair into the air when the avian had released the man. 

After a brief ‘flight’, Moisés landed and was immediately set upon by the avian who took great delight in landing on top of him and pinning the human to the sofa beneath the avian. It was all fun and games, one that the pair had done before. The human would struggle and attempt to escape while the avian would eventually need to grab his wrists and pin them back down onto the sofa. 

Moisés was breathing heavily from the exertion while Breelu merely watched him with a cool stare and a smirk to the side of his beak. 

“You know one day I’ll be able to struggle free. I’ve been doing press-ups!” The human declared proudly. 

Breelu’s smirk merely deepened. 

“And you think I’d let a prize like you just ‘go’?” The avians head leaned down into the crook of the human’s neck once more, the tiny feathers tickling his exposed skin. Moisés looked away, blinking his eyes closed as he focused on the sensations. 

“No… I’d chase you… Hunt you… You’re too rare for me to just give up…”

The beak nipped at the exposed flesh causing a cascade of goosebumps to flow down and around the man’s body. Moisés bucked his hips involuntarily, but Breelu happily ground his own back down, pushed against the tightened material of the man’s shorts. 

“I…” The human started, only for his voice to catch. Breelu pulled his head away, but brought his wings out and down over the pair of them. It muted the station, the hum of it’s engines and the rattle of the air filters. The black scaled forearms and hands gently, so very, very gently cupped the human’s face.

Gone was the intense ‘hunting’ voice of Breelu from moments ago, for when he spoke now; it was warm and loving. There was no better way to describe it then it being the voice of a lover. 

“Whatever you want to say… you can say it my darling… I can take it… I will not abandon or harm you… Even if you cannot promise the same…” The avian promised, as he gazed down at the human longingly. The man felt undone and exposed, yet all the while, the protective wings created a fortress for them both. 

“Breelu… I… I love you…” Moisés admitted. 

Breelu’s beautiful blue eyes closed at hearing these words and for a brief flash, Moisés feared the worst, until a single tear welled up in the corner of the avian’s eyes. 

“I’ve been so desperate for you to say those words…” The alien uttered in such a whisper, if not for the wings, even this close; the human may have missed them. Breelu’s taloned hands caressed the human’s face as his eyes opened up once more.

“I love you too my Moisés.” Another slow blink, and another tear appeared, trailing down the side of the alien’s face across his feathers and an unbroken bead. 

The man reached up, and the avian leant down, so that with a tiny thumb, he caught the tear and wiped it away. 

“Can we lay here? Just for a bit?” Asked the humans. The avian actually squawked as a ‘bark’ of laughter burst from his feathered chest. 

“I would like for nothing more, my Moisés.” Replied the alien, as a heavy, feathered chest leant down and covered the man from chin to belt. One of the wings folded out and covered his legs whilst the other created a canope for the pair as the avain laid across and next to his human. 

Moisés fell asleep to the sensation of the alien slowly using his talons to gently scratch his chest in lazy circles. All the while, the bright blue alien whispered such happy thoughts and sweet nothings until the human fell into a sleep that was reserved for only the most happy and content. 

[r/WolvensStories]

[AO3]

[Ko-Fi]

[revryebread]

yadda yadda everyone else is out getting donuts or something this aint about them

“I wasn’t born under a rock!” He tried protesting, but was only greeted with jeers and a shove backwards. Alphonse Elric reaches back with one arm to brace himself and bumps soundly into a beanbag chair. 

Rachel was standing above him and shaking her head. “It’s worse than a rock, you were born in like- 1890 or something.”  She stood over him like a large playful dog cornering something much smaller. There was no ill will, but Al could tell he did not have an advantage here. 

“It’s not- I was born in 1910.” Factual accuracy did not win him any points, and a prolonged raised eyebrow was used against him like a torch. He backed down- “Fine. I’m uncultured.” Rachel nodded sagely. “We agree. Make room.”

It was the arts and crafts car again, Rachel had wheeled out a black box on a trolley- Al had been around long enough now to understand a TV. Not how it worked, necessarily, but that it would show images and sound. He had seen them in the Casino, and a shopping mall car that he had visited with Rachel and the gang earlier.

Occasionally, there were times when the- was it an age difference? No, they were both the same age, it’s just the time between them, the worlds they’re from. Those things were so different it made him feel ancient compared to Rachel. But he tried to roll with the punches of new technology, especially when others seemed so confident about it.

He scooted in the beanbag, which was its own feat of strength and contortion, and Rachel plopped down next to him with the remote and turned on the TV. He could hear a loud click, and a thrum. An image slowly lit up the screen- green text on a forest background, and the kind of music he imagined Shigeo would listen to started to play.

“They didn’t have much in here but I got what I could.” Rachel explained, not looking at Al but the TV. She gesticulated with the remote and Al watched her as she talked. Until her gaze moves from the television to him, and she holds his eyeline for a moment. In a moment of what is read as irritation, Rachel makes a motion with her shoulders and eyebrows that makes Al flinch, and she nods at the TV like she’s chiding him. “You need to watch. I am not going to sit through Shrek by myself.”

Sheepish- he turns his head back towards the screen. There was something impressive about the technology at play, and the scientific part of his brain was trying to understand it. Eventually though, he just gave way to actually watching the story play out infront of him.

----

It was about thirty minutes in when an intrusive thought wormed it’s way into Al’s head and out of his mouth.

“Do you think he’s here?” Al asked, Rachel’s head jerked up from the resting position it was drifting towards and she looked at him. “Michael Meyers?” Incredulous. Absurd. 

“No, no- Shrek. That guy.” Al pointed at the ogre on the screen freeing fairy tale animals.. “He’s troubled. We’ve seen adults. This is a story, right? We’re from stories. Is he on the train?” His brain was  Rachel looked between him and the screen, mouth agape. “That’s ridiculous. He- He can’t be right?” It was clearly enough to break her cool demeanor, and she looked off into the distance for a moment to mouth the words, deciding they tasted foul in her mouth. Is Shrek on the train…

The two of them sat there in silence for a moment- the sounds of Shrek and Donkey arguing about whether or not waffles will be made filling the space between them, and they both start to laugh. 

“He makes it out of this better- but Donkey, I think he’s on the train.” Rachel speaks in a voice that offers no chance for questions, Al responds with giggles. 

“Could you turn into Donkey?” 

“I could turn into a Donkey right now.”

“It wouldn’t be an animated Donkey though it would be a donkey like you.” 

“Do you think I can differentiate between animated and not?”

The two of them cackle and push each other on the bean bag,  and the way they watch this movie changes for the rest of it. Lord Farquad is definitely in the Apex. Fiona got on the train right when she goes Ogre for the first time. They switch to another movie after that and the same thing goes, slow piles of popcorn containers and soda cans growing around them as the night moves on.

--------

Eventually, Rachel is on the beanbag alone and Al is looking through DvD’s on a shelf behind her calling out titles to get her opinions. 

“Jurassic World?”

“What do you mean world? It’s a park.”

“Star Wars?”

“That’s for nerds- I am not going to lower myself to that.”

“So-” Al pauses, reading the box of a blue dvd and squinting at it. Rachel notes the cut off- “So what? What’s the title?” She turns around to see Al holding the case. “Sonic 2.” He looks at the blue little hedgehog on the front and looks to Rachel. “Shadow knew this guy.” He said softly. Carrying it over and sitting back down.

“Is he in it?”

Al looks at the back of the box, “I don’t… I don’t think so? He’s not on here at least. He would have made them give him top billing.” He smiles a bit thinking about it. 

Rachel can tell he’s getting in his head, and so asks the obvious question. “Want to watch it?” He sighs, flipping the box back over again. “It’s weird when it’s someone I know, right? Or I mean- It’s his life, kind of.”

Rachel shrugs and sinks into the cushion, looking up at the ceiling. “I mean, it could just be an interpretation of his life, right? He said he was from a video game.” Al nods, as if he’s just choosing to accept this. “Hmm. This is a movie. You’re right. I think.”

They choose to watch it,  and during the credits scene Al is on his feet and yelling.

[wanderingblindly]

got a few tags for this one, finally getting around to it!! thank you @monacotrophywife @mossistyping and @wisteriagoesvroom <333333333

15 questions 15 friends

Are you named after anyone? my first name is a reference to an actress, and my middle name is after one of my grandmother's (total living legend, icon, and star)

When was the last you cried? hmmmm i get close fairly often, but i don't often actually cry? maybe around christmas?

Do you have kids? no and doing so would actually kill me (no shade to kids, this is a me issue)

What sports do you play/have you played? played soccer for ages, had a short stint in cross country

Do you use sarcasm? aggressively

What is the first thing you notice about people? usually their smile and like... brightness. Lightness. Something about their energy.

What is your eye color? light brown?

Scary movies or happy endings? my parents banned me from watching TV for multiple years due to insane intrusive thoughts/anxiety, so happy endings pleeeeaasseeeeeeee

Any talents? WHISTLING. I can whistle any fucking song with alarming accuracy. also maybe makeup? but that's just practice

Where were you born? PNW, USA babyyyyyyyy

What are your hobbies? uhhhhh being insane on the internet, writing, reading, sudoku, visiting cafes, talking ppl's ears off, and contemplating.

Do you have any pets? honeyyyyyyy a tiny void cat who i would die without

How tall are you? 5'8 in the office, 6'1 in my free time

Favorite subject at school? i was an all-around type kid, so basically anything but math or comp sci (in my defense, i was concussed the entire time i took that)

Dream job? i dont care much for working, but i think my dream job would involve a lot of puzzling and problem solving (hence why i work in data lol)

idk who's been tagged? apologies for repeats :) @vroombeams @dumbf1sketches @pitmewithyourbeststop @albonoooo @hurricane-heatt @jennarations @fueledbyremembering

[notafraidofredyellowandblue]

I have a question about Reesh but it may come off as a bit too intrusive 😩 if it is, just ignore it. I don't want to start anything or disrespect anyone, I'm just being curious.

I've just noticed that, at least to my knowledge, there are no pics of Richard with his son when he was young. There's plenty with Khira and them being so close to age, I'd assume there'd be some but..

I know they have a good relationship now, quite a few pics with Maxime.. so it just makes me wonder, was he not in Merlin's life back then? I know that him and his mother was more or less just a one night hook up.

Again, if this is too much, just ignore it.

Hi! Well, i'm no expert on this topic Richard and kids and their mothers, but i think the most important thing to start with is what Richard mentioned in this interview

Apart from your seven year old daughter Maxime you have two adult kids. What are you like as a dad?

Becoming a dad agin in my mid 40's, is very different than at 23, which was relatively early. You always make mistakes, but today I'm much calmer and enjoy the time I spend with my daughter.

Are you still together with Maxime's mother Margaux Bossieux, who sings on „A Million Degrees“ too?

No. I'm not the classical family man. I have three kids with three women. I think I'm too polygamous for a longterm relationship. By the way my adult daughter also lives here in the house.

----

Now the parts i do from memory, so please treat with a grain of salt as to the accuracy:

In another interview he mentioned that he became a dad in his 20's, in his 30's and in his 40's, but his son is actually almost the same age as the oldest daughter (i think there's a year between them).

In most biographies the phrasing is something like "he had a daughter Khira Li with Mareike Lindemann, and a daughter Maxime with Margaux Bossieux. He is also the father of Tatjana Besson's son Merlin."

And the third thing i read somewhere is that he didn't know he was the father of Tatjana's son until Merlin was about 10 years old.

So piecing that together, my impression is that with Khira-Li he was actually involved from when she was born (think of the story when she got ill as a little girl and he slept in the hallway of the hospital to be with her), at least until the time that he migrated to New York. With Maxime, when Margaux was pregnant (or just had the baby) they moved back to Berlin, because Richard thought that a better city to bring up a child, and is actually involved in her life. With Merlin he probably didn't have much contact until a lot later, maybe even only when he moved back to Berlin.

----

I think Richard really loves all his kids, not as a traditional dad (just like he'll never be a traditional husband to anyone), family is very important to him, and his kids certainly are. Maybe the family really came together when Maxime was born and they all lived in Berlin again; there are certainly photos around of the kids visiting a Rammstein show together, and from the whole family hanging out at home (the latter probably swiped from their social media accounts, so i'm not going to post them here, but if you google you can easily find them). I think they all dote on Maxime, just like Richard in the Emigrate video "You are so beautiful" 💕

And he dedicated songs to each of them, see a quote from this interview

A couple of songs are on the 'major' side (note: referring to the music phrase Major as opposed to minor), „You’re So Beautiful“ on the prior album, „Come Over“ on the new one.

Interesting, that you mention specifically those two songs. You see, those are songs that I dedicated to my kids. They have the power to pull me out from dark worlds.

i think it's:

You're so Beautiful - is i think for Maxime

Come over - for Merlin (he mentioned in another interview that was for his son)

Babe - Khira-Li once mentioned that was for her on her ig

---

A whole lot of text, so i'll end this post with these pics, that i think are lovely, all three of Richard's kids, with their mothers photographed together

Khira-Li with Mareike Lindemann

Merlin with Tatjana Besson

Maxime with Margaux Bossieux

🥰

[hoebaring]

It's Been a Long, Long Time | Min Yoongi

summary: Established!relationship. Yoongi is disappointed in himself for not being able to spend quality time with his wife. After a tiring day at work for the both of them, he decides to cook dinner for her and the night ends with romance and wine. (suggestion: listening to the song when it's mentioned in the story would give you the full effect XD)

genre: romance, fluff, oneshot, butterfiles everywhere.

Cross posted on Wattpad

Written by Author L

Word count :- 2.2k Words

Masterlist

Yoongi’s POV

“What does her smile remind you of?”

“Oh, her smile is the best. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Like the smell of freshly baked cookies. Like walking into the world’s best coffee shop. Or like watching purple petunia flowers in a pot near a window spring to life.”

“What does his smile remind you of?”

“Uhh…Yoongi’s smile reminds me of the ocean waves crashing on the shore, on a serene, silent night. Or of the passing cumulus clouds in a clear blue sky. Or…the sweet chirping of mockingbirds on a tranquil morning. To me, it brings calm and peace.”

Y/N says as she unconsciously smiles at thought of my smile. The camera cuts to me and the man behind the camera asks another question.

“What is one thing you love about Y/N?”

“Her unpredictability.”

“What is one thing you love about Yoongi?”

“Ah…” Y/N says in deep thought.

“His certainty.” She smiles.

“What is one thing she does that you hate?”

I thought deeply and carefully for a minute.

"There's nothing I hate about whatever she does, except for when she yells 'Yoongi marry me' out of nowhere in public deliberately to annoy me."

“What is one thing he does that you hate?”

“He doesn't look after himself properly. Often dwells in work too much forgetting the world around him." She says while zoning out and looking elsewhere.

Maybe remebering the times I may have unintentionally forgotten her. My heart feels incredibly heavy as regret fills my mind.

"Actually no, I hate how he leaves his socks lying around the house. It's an uphill battle to make him pick his socks up.”

I laugh out loud. She’s so abrupt sometimes.

“You guys trust each other, right? So how much do you trust Y/N?”

“My trust for Y/N is as big as the sun.”

“Romantic, I see.” Says the guy behind the camera.

The camera moves to Y/N.

“Oh, my trust for Yoongi is greater than the Universe.”

“Both of you said space related things!”

“No way, wait, let me guess. He said something about the sun, didn’t he? You're supposed to say the universe genius!”

I smile at her accuracy. She knew me too well.

I’m so glad I decided to re-watch our one-episode documentary style interview that we shot a year ago. We shot it right after we made our relationship and marriage public. Y/N was hesitant and nervous at first, but she ended up enjoying it the most.

“…uh, yes after the- wait, is this allowed? She's not supposed to be here!”

The camera shifts to a trespasser who had secretly managed to sneak into my interview room and hide behind the staff.

“Aha! You found me. It’s alright, go on, you won't even know I'm here.” Y/N explains her intrusion.

Pd-nim gives Y/N a thumbs and requests me to continue. The camera moves back to me and as I speak, I get distracted way too many times. The camera shifts to Y/N making funny faces and goofing around. I’m pretty sure she thought this would be edited out. The shoot was actually so much more relaxed with her. And oh God, I miss her. My comeback is in less than a week and I’ve been preparing for it since the past two months. I practically live in my studio now. I go back home maybe thrice a week and rarely spend time with Y/N. I leave before she wakes up and get back home after she’s asleep.

Y/N on the other hand, has been nothing but supportive. She used to stop by the studio with some food to make sure I’m eating well. She hung out in the practice room and listened to bits and pieces of my music. The privilege only a few have the access to.

According to some clichés, you should be expecting a grumpy, attention deprived and annoyed wife waiting for you at home, prepared to start an exhaustive argument. But to my relief, a bright and warm smile greets me as soon as I swing open the door to our apartment. An oversized Celine t-shirt with large sleeves drooping down her shoulders hung over Y/N’s petite figure. (Oversized- because it was clearly stolen from my closet.) I notice her messy low bun with a few loose curls hanging over the frame of her face and the faint freckles that spread across her cheeks. She was on the couch when she pointed to her laptop on the coffee table before bringing her index finger to her puckered lips and mouthing a small “shush”.

The presentation on the laptop screen and the voices of multiple people indicated that Y/N was in a meeting. She pats the empty space on the couch asking me to sit beside her while I remove my socks and remember to carefully place them inside my shoes. I didn’t want to upset her anymore.

Once I'm seated, Y/N snuggles close to me and leans back on my chest while facing her laptop. I wrap my arms around her and rest my head on her shoulder.

“How was your day?” She whispers.

“It was great. Tiring but productive. I missed you.” I reply as I kiss her cheek.

Y/N turns around and faces me.

“Oh! Has something happened?”

“Why would something happen?”

“Well, I'm only asking.” she shrugs with a playful smile on her face.

 “I don't need a reason to miss my wife.” I say before peppering several kisses on her face.

The living room is filled with Y/N’s giggles and my heart swells with joy at the sight of her cute-ass nose scrunch and smile. I was so right when I said it made me feel all warm and fuzzy.

How could I ever stay away from her?

“How was your day?” I ask her as she turns around again and lays her head on my shoulder.

“It was alright, I attended a million meetings today. As you said, tiring but productive.” She replies while playing with my hand that rested on her shoulder.

She compares her right hand with mine and lets out a soft gasp.

“My hands are so tiny!”

“They’re adorable.”

“You’re only saying that because I’m your wife.”

“No, they’re actually super cute.” I say as I intertwine our fingers.

“What did you have for lunch?” I ask.

She thought for a brief moment.

“Uhh…well, does an apple and Oreos count as lunch?”

“What? You skipped lunch?” I frown.

“No, of course not! Why would I?”

“I… had an apple. Highly nutritious.” She elaborates with absolute confidence.

“Y/N!” I exclaim, completely baffled.

“Uh oh, I should really focus on what's going on in the meeting Yoongi.” She leans toward the coffee table and stares at the laptop.

“The meeting ended Y/N.”

“Oh.”

This is exactly what I was worried about. Ever since her company got acquired by another high-profile business, she has become so busy with meetings, projects, and deadlines. And yes, she makes time for me. But not for herself. What bothers me even more is the fact that I haven’t made time for her too. Gosh, I’ve been a terrible husband lately.

“What about dinner?”

“What about it?

“Did you have dinner?”

“Uhh I think another meeting is starting now.”

“Y/N, come on you’re not a child!”

“No, I know! I'm sorry I forgot” She makes a puppy face and apologizes.

God, how am I supposed to stay mad now?

I sigh and shake my head. I stand up from the couch and roll up my sleeves.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m gonna make dinner.”

“For who?”

“For you.”

She stares at me with a smug smile.

“Oooh ultimate husband material.”

I laugh and walk towards the kitchen.

Y/N’s POV

I watch him as he opens the door to the fridge, grabs some vegetables, turns around to face the counter and starts cooking.

I am quite fussy when it comes to managing time and sorting out priorities. With the recent company acquisition, I haven’t had much time dealing with my normal life. Sounds odd, but weirdly, I don’t hate it. Oftentimes I get bored when I’m alone at home, so work keeps me busy. And when I lose track of time and sense, I have Yoongi. He is one of the best things that has happened to me. He truly is husband material. No kidding.

I turn back to my laptop screen and decide to continue my tiresome monotony. The meeting was to discuss legal issues and I was about to die out of boredom. Soon, I grow impatient and look at Yoongi, who was cooking diligently with complete peace of mind. Yoongi cooks really well, not gonna lie. However, I consider myself a better cook. We’ve often had silly debates and quarrels as to who cooks better. One such time, during a silly banter, we randomly started listing out all the things we cooked well.

“Oh! My Kimchi Stew is the best in the world.”

“Your mom absolutely loved my Tangsuyuk. She even asked for the recipe.”

“Ahh nothing can beat the way I make Dakgalbi.”

“My Milmyeon is truly exceptional, everyone in Busan knows that.”

And we went on and on and on. My ego and desperation to win the argument sky rocketed so bad that I ended up boasting non stop about my cooking skills without giving Yoongi a chance to speak. It was like I was rapping. Oh, the irony!

Having enough of my rant he proceeded to do the most unexpected thing ever. He abruptly grabbed my waist, pulled me close and kissed me to shut me up.

“Alright Clare Smyth. We get the point.” He whispered after pulling away.

That brings a smile to my face. He was quite the romantic. Might not seem like one at first glance but definitely and pleasantly surprising at times.

After a while, a comforting and vaguely familiar smell wafts through the house. Highly curious about what he was cooking and completely disinterested in the meeting, I get up and make my way towards the kitchen.

I tap on Yoongi’s right shoulder twice and quickly move to his left before he turns around. He looks behind and turns back to face me realising I was messing around. I wink at him playfully before walking up to an empty counter and sitting on top of it.

“What are you cooking?”

“Japchae.”

“Oh, babe you’re the best.” I say in a grateful tone.

“That I am.” He winks.

We didn't speak much. I just watched him cook in silence. The silence was only interrupted by the occasional sound of the knife hitting the chopping board or by the faint voices of various people in the meeting.

I decide to play some music and as I scroll through Spotify, the perfect song catches my eye.

It’s Been a Long, Long Time by Harry James.

I get off the counter, open a shelf, grab two wine glasses and a bottle of Corton Grancey.

When Yoongi put the noodles to boil and covered the pot with a glass lid, he realised that was the last thing to be cooked. He turns around and walks up to me.  

“Allow me.” He pours some wine into our glasses.

“Dinner shall be served in a few minutes ma’am.” He says with a smile.

“Hmm, I must say, the service is rather lazy.” I say in a pretentious superior tone before taking a sip.

“…but I’ll pardon it for now, because the chef looks quite handsome.”

[start listening to It's Been a Long, Long Time]

We instantly break into laughter. Ah I missed this. Him. Quite a lot in fact. We are like a puzzle with missing pieces. Yet, it is a complete picture. A heart-warming one. A love like ours didn't have to be about the missing parts. Rather it’s about the beauty of the existing ones coming together to form a new picture every single day. It’s about the willingness to create a whole new perspective from a small loving gesture in an everyday life. About realizing that any and every moment with the other can be precious no matter how long the puzzle pieces have stayed on the same board. To acknowledge that puzzles can be tiring & boring but when solved alongside a beloved, it’s actually not that bad.

Yoongi and I were always on the same page. Maybe not the same line. But either of us always catches up. And at the end, I know we’ll finish the book together. We love each other too much. Besides, I could never get tired of that gummy smile of his.

The atmosphere changes as we gaze at each other. It has actually been a long, long time since I got a chance to look at him. His hair had grown longer. The soft golden lights gleamed on his face making him look ethereal. Almost instinctively, I place my arms around his neck as he grabs my waist and pulls me close. We start swaying to the song and slow dance under the dim golden light.

‘Never thought that you would be’

‘Standing here so close to me’

‘There’s so much I feel that I should say’

‘But words can wait until some other day’

“The noodles might burn” He says.

“That can wait until some other day too” He smirks before placing his hands on my jaw and his lips on mine. Butterflies go wild in my stomach as he deepens the kiss and pulls me closer than ever.

Just like a scene from a romantic 70’s movie or like the end of a Disney movie, the song in the background continues to play as Yoongi pulls away from the kiss and leans his forehead on mine.

‘Kiss me once, then kiss me twice, then kiss me once again’

‘It’s Been a Long, Long Time.’

[psychopatois]

Understanding OCD: Exploring Obsessions, Compulsions, and Associated Challenges

Definition

OCD is characterized by persistent and distressing obsessions and compulsions. Obsessions are intrusive thoughts, urges, or mental images that repeatedly surface in the individual's mind, causing anxiety and discomfort. Compulsions, on the other hand, are repetitive behaviors or rituals performed in response to these obsessions, often as a way to alleviate anxiety or prevent perceived harm.

Common Obsessions:

Fear of germs or contamination

Fear of forgetting, losing, or misplacing something

Fear of losing control over one's own behavior

Aggressive thoughts toward self or others

Unwanted, forbidden, or taboo thoughts involving sex, religion, or harm

Desire to have things symmetrical or in perfect order

Common Compulsions:

Excessive cleaning or handwashing

Ordering or arranging items in a particular, precise way

Repeatedly checking things (i.e., checking if door is locked or that the oven is off)

Compulsive counting

Praying or repeating words silently

Important Considerations

Not all repetitive thoughts are obsessions, and not all rituals or habits are compulsions.

People with OCD generally:

Can't control their obsessions or compulsions, even when they know they are excessive

Spend more than one hour a day on their obsessions or compulsions

Do not get pleasure from their compulsions, but may feel temporary relief from anxiety

Experience significant problems in daily life due to these thoughts or behaviors

Common Comorbidities

Tic disorder involving repetitive movements or sounds:

Motor tics (sudden, brief, repetitive movements)

Eye blinking or other eye movements, facial grimacing, shoulder shrugging, and head or shoulder jerking.

Vocal tics

Repetitive throat-clearing, sniffing, or grunting sounds.

Additionally, individuals with OCD may also experience diagnosed mood or anxiety disorders.

In Conclusion

OCD is a multifaceted disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts and repetitive behaviors that can significantly impact an individual's quality of life. By understanding the nature of obsessions, compulsions, and associated challenges, we can better support those affected by OCD and promote empathy and awareness within our communities.

Disclaimer:

The information provided in this content is based on research, public information, and insights obtained from the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition). While efforts have been made to ensure accuracy and reliability, it is important to note that I am not a licensed therapist or mental health professional. As a licensed Registered Behavior Technician (RBT), I possess qualifications to offer insights into certain mental disorders and illnesses. However, it is imperative to understand that the information shared here is for educational purposes only and should not substitute professional advice or diagnosis. If you suspect that you or someone you know may be experiencing symptoms of a mental illness or disorder, it is strongly recommended to consult with a qualified healthcare professional or licensed therapist. They can provide personalized assessment, guidance, and treatment options tailored to your specific needs. Please prioritize your mental health and well-being by seeking appropriate support and resources from qualified professionals. Remember, you are not alone, and there are compassionate individuals ready to assist you on your journey toward healing and recovery.

[theluckywizard]

WIP Wednesday!

Thanks for the tag @effelants!

This week I'm working on my next chapter of my long fic In the Shattering of Things as well as a companion piece for said chapter. Here's an excerpt from the companion piece I'm working on with the loving working title "Cullen is a Fickle Bitch".

Read below the jump!

“A raven for you, Commander, Ser,” says Jim, entering through the East entrance. Cullen stands abruptly, the quickening of his pulse fluttering in his neck. He glances down at the ink stain on the floor where the pot had sailed when he'd plowed all of it aside for her. For them. “Thank you, James,” he says, accepting the cylinder. He uncaps the end and slides the rolled vellum out, helplessly hoping for word from her. But it's Harding's hand, reporting in on the intensity of the situation in Crestwood. Maker. Cullen rubs his forehead and opens his bottom desk draw, tiny vials clinking softly, withdrawing one of Adan’s potions. He rolls it between his fingers, the shape and weight of it deeply familiar, gazing into the liquid inside like cerulean crystals in suspension might just appear, but he blinks and remembers. The way the vials had appeared for him unbidden after she’d encountered him in the snow on that brutal morning, retching, clawing at his face as his vision warped and haloed, sweating even in the bitter cold. A note from Adan tucked amongst them explaining the uses of the tonic and appropriate warnings. The morning he went to get more and learned it had been Rose. The tonic worked. And he felt looked after for the first time in fifteen years or more. Longer. He downs the contents of the vial, squeezing the glass cylinder like a detestable comfort and then reflexively reaches for more pleasant thoughts: fingers woven in fiery hair, the feeling of her hand bumping past his as they walk beside one another, the utter warmth of her company. Don't call me that. The memory bursts forth and then sticks in his mind like a bloodstain, indelible and foul. He’d given up the right to use her name, the right to all those other soft remembrances. Cullen wanders to a book shelf and eyes a small shipping crate made of finely sanded but unfinished wood. He pulls it down to consider the contents again and slides the lid out of its channel, the dulcet sound of wood against wood soothing his frayed senses. Inside, packed on a bed of straw is an embossed leather quiver. He'd engaged Josie to find the name of a craftsman to contact and has given him the details. Foxes. Forest. Something joyful. Commissioned in a different time, when possibility radiated inside him and confounded his common sense. “Commander.” Cullen bristles at yet another intrusion, the fifth such this morning. It's the familiar lilt and easy tone of his number two slipping in from the south entrance. Maker, why did he choose the tower with three entrances? “Rylen.” The older man looks him up and down with that typical gleam of juvenile irreverence and he sets his handful of reports down on Cullen’s desk. “You’re looking more stone-faced than usual. Don’t tell me you’re still moping. I thought you ended it. In the bailey the other week.” Cullen casts a salty eye over his lieutenant even as he marvels at the accuracy of the rumors. “I don’t recall telling you the details, Rylen,” says Cullen. “Between the gossip and the sudden turn in your mood it’s a little hard not to put it together.”

Tagging @warpedlegacywrites, @bluewren, @rowanisawriter, @ar-lath-ma-cully, @kiastirling, @contreparry, @monocytogenes and LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE to share their Dragon Age or NON-Dragon Age WIPs! Tag me so I can seeee

[seizurecubes-fakemon]

I felt like screwing around with redesigns. These aren’t final bc I can’t bring myself to put in a lot of effort right now, but they’re closer to how I want them to be than their previous iterations, which are several years old at this point. Leppipex took notes from the plume moth family, whereas Inkupus is playing up the cephalopod angle with a new name to match.

Expungrub -> Tippupa -> Lepippex - the whiteout pokemon Type: bug/psychic Ability: Amnestic (removes stat increases of pokemon that make contact) Moves: Will Force (psychic/80/100% deals damage based on SpDef), Signal Beam, Psychic, Amnesia, Defog, Simple Beam, Clear Smog, Refresh, Feather Dance, Sticky Web, Confuse Ray

It releases a dust that causes the details of short-term memories to become hazy and indistinct. It uses this opportunity to flee from would-be attackers.

In this low-mobility state, it protects itself with a web of special tape that acts as a self-keeping secret. One touch is all it takes to forget you ever saw it.

It can precisely erase memories of any concept from any point in a person’s life. It is not cruel though, only using this as an emergency defense measure.

Inkling -> Inkupus - the ghostwriter pokemon Type: ghost Ability: Intrusive Thoughts (upon entering the field, lowers SpAtk of opposing pokemon by 1 stage) Moves: Inspiration (boosts SpAtk and SpDef of allies by 1 stage), Shadow Ball, Confide, Memento, Parting Shot, Trick, Sludge Bomb, Nasty Plot, Octazooka*, Sucker Punch, Power Swap, Psycho Shift

*Octazooka is now 80/100% and always lowers the target’s accuracy

Supposedly spirits that form around unspoken thoughts, forgotten dreams, and forbidden knowledge. Their appearance invariably brings these concepts to light.

It is capable of inserting itself into memories. The content is never changed, but it can alter one’s perspective and reveal repressed truths.

[caffedrine]

Rio Ortiz Special Story: Three Years Spent With You Summary

This is mostly a summary for me - I make no promises on the accuracy of what’s happening. I’m not nearly fluent enough to get half the jokes/innuendo much less accurate plot points.

Even now that Rio has regained his memories as Valerio, he has not forgotten anything of his time with Emma. Three years, which seems like it would be a long time, passed in a heartbeat. For the first time, Rio learned about love.

Everything began three years ago, with his desire to die. He was exhausted from his life spent scheming every day in a game of survival. Every day he had to use his wits to bargain with his brothers, and every day he had to sell laughter and flattery just to protect himself. 

He did have some desire to help the development of his country of Benitoite, the one thing he held precious and dear. But as he lay dying in the rain, he wondered what he was truly living for.

Try as he might, he had no answer.

Then a woman who happened to be passing by started administering first aid.

When his carriage fell off the cliff, a piece of the wreckage stabbed him in the side, leaving him close to death. However, the woman did not give up on him. When asked why, the woman explains that she doesn’t know his circumstances, but she cannot leave him alone to die. It’s pure luck that she came upon him, so be quiet and let her continue.

In the rain, this woman was desperately trying to save a total stranger. Rio thought it was a beautiful scene. In all his life, he had never met anyone whom he could consider beautiful, but even jaded as he was, he thought she was undeniably a beautiful human. To be fair, she was physically attractive too, but it was her inner beauty that struck him.

As he lay dying, Rio wished with all his heart that he could just forget everything and run away. It was here that Valerio started to crumble away.

As if his wish had reached the heavens, the next time he woke up he had no memory of being Valerio. Instead, the only thing he had was the empty shell that was his true nature, which he had been hiding behind charm and smiles all this time.

Nearby Emma tries to make him eat her home cooking, explaining that he had been unconscious for a long time. While he knew on some level that she was a beautiful person, something that remained despite his amnesia screamed that she couldn’t really exist. Therefore, he couldn’t believe that Emma was helping him out of the goodness of her heart, and he wondered at her motivations. This feeling despite his lack of memory only added to his suspicions of her.

Rio asks Emma what her purpose in doing all this is. He can understand not wanting the distress of someone dying in front of them but bringing him into her home and taking care of him is too far. So, what is the benefit to her?

Emma tries to explain that she has no deeper reason for all this, just that if someone in front of her is in trouble, she wants to save them. Is that so weird?

Rio may not have any memories, but he is certain that he wasn’t in trouble. His last memory is of him clearly being okay with dying, so no problem for her to solve with that. Emma says in that case, she just doesn’t want him to die. Rio tells her that she is intrusive and meddlesome in other people’s affairs.

Emma can agree with that, and while she’s being meddlesome, it would be nice if Rio could just eat some food. It is about that time that Rio’s stomach rumbles. The food is not as fancy as he thinks he is used to; however, it has a simple gentle scent and looks very delicious.

Emma laughs and points out that Rio’s body seems to want to live. Rio rejects her food, and Emma assures him that it is quite good. She scoops up a spoonful and brings it to Rio’s mouth. Rio gives in to her simple innocence and opens his mouth. It is as delicious as he expected.

Rio lets Emma feed him until the food is mostly gone, then asks why she keeps on calling him ‘Rio’. Emma explains that before he passed out, he told her his name. However, it was raining really, really loudly, so there is a good chance she missed like 90% of his name. Rio decides that ‘Rio’ is good enough, and she can drop the honorifics she was using. It’s weird that she’s so formal after saving him.

Emma introduces herself and asks him to use her name without honorifics as well. When she smiles, the room brightens up like flowers are blooming all around her. For some reason, Rio feels his chest tighten.

Rio thanks her for the food.

Emma assures her that he has nothing to worry about, she understands that he’s wary around her, especially if he just lost his memory. She wants to help him, so if there’s anything he needs, he can just ask her. And don’t worry, she doesn’t have a hidden reason, she’s helping him just because she wants to.

Even with his stomach full of Emma’s cooking, Rio still couldn’t believe in Emma. Her kindness and beautiful heart went against every instinct Rio had.

Now that Rio’s memories as Valerio are back, he understands where the doubt came from. Valerio was a skeptic who out of self-preservation couldn’t believe in anything or anyone. If he didn’t expect kindness, he wouldn’t be disappointed when there was none. His older brothers stole everything important to him, so Valerio protected himself by giving up.

There had been a turning point though when his heart started to open up.

When Rio’s physical wounds healed enough for him to venture outside, he was treated as an outsider in the city. It made sense, he was an unknown person who was both cocky and rude. Rio accepted the rough treatment by the people around him, all while resenting Emma for originally helping him and bringing him here.

And then Emma confronted the man who had beat him up. While the townspeople stopped and watched, Emma, who was usually kind and gentle, yelled at the man. She assured the man that Rio had no ill intentions towards her or the townspeople, staking her own reputation on him.

The pain from being punched by the man faded instantly as Rio watched Emma from the safety of the crowd. He realized that Emma has been doing things like this all this time, and Rio just never noticed. When Emma bows her head and apologies on Rio’s behalf for his rudeness, Rio begins to hate himself for letting this beautiful person take responsibility for his shortcomings.

Before he realizes it, Rio is pushing his way through the crowd to join Emma and apologizes to the man. He lowered his head once, and when he lifted it again, a familiar smile is on his face. He hated flattering people to survive, laughing when there was no reason to laugh. Despite his amnesia, those feelings remained, but they were his best skills for surviving.

‘Smiling’ Rio admits that he has not put in any effort to get used to the city, so of course, everyone would be suspicious of him. He promises to do better in the future and begs the man and the crowd to let him have a place to belong.

He was like a kicked dog, snuggling up to people and waging his tail so that they would feed him crumbs. He smiled and flattered the people of the city, and gradually their attitudes changed and softened, to the point that they began to accept him. He should have been like this to start with.

Eventually, Emma brings Rio to her favorite place, a hill just outside of the city overlooking all the buildings. It is here that she asks him if he hates the city. Rio is surprised, while he doesn’t remember anything, he is certain that his smile is perfect and should have fooled everyone.

The truth is that he hated this city that wouldn’t accept him without him cozying up to everyone. He doesn’t see why Emma should care if he loves or hates the city, as his opinion has nothing to do with her.

Emma explains that she wants Rio to be happy and smile because he wants to smile. What he’s doing right now is hurting himself, every time he smiles or laughs, it looks like he wants to cry.

As Rio would later learn, because Emma was kind, she always made a point to pay attention to others. She was adept at reading the true hearts and feelings of other people even when they tried to hide them.

Rio asks if he grows to like the city, would he be able to laugh as happily as Emma thinks he can. Emma assures him that he can, and she’s going to help by showing him around to her favorite places and introducing him to people. To Rio’s surprise, Emma explains that while she does love this place, it’s not her only favorite place.

Thus begins a whirlwind tour of Emma’s favorite places in town. The bookstore that she works at and its owner who was almost a father to her, a café with a chatty barista, a tree-lined street that was perfect for a stroll, and even the man who beat him, and the carriage rental shop he ran. All of Emma’s introductions were filled with love, and Rio could see how she cherished this town.

While Valerio chose to live his life without forming any attachments, Emma was the opposite, a woman who believed in everyone and loved everyone.

Rio took on the last name of ‘Ortiz’ from the character of a book Emma was obsessed with, rented a home in the city, found a job, and started living a stable life. He began to open his heart to Emma as a friend.

The first time that Rio joined Emma on a picnic, he was amazed by her home-cooked lunch. He wasn’t the only one who liked Emma’s food, as birds gathered around, waiting. Emma was happy with the extra company and began to feed them from her hand. She laughed softly and called the birds cute.

Rio thought that Emma was cute, but it would be gauche to say that out loud. He tried to imitate Emma, but only frightened the birds away. Emma shows him how to do it without threatening the birds, and after several minutes, a bird perches on his hand to eat.

It was a small thing, a trifle, really. But it made Rio so happy, he couldn’t help but laugh. When he looked back at Emma, he saw her staring at him. She explains that this is the first time she has seen him really laugh and smile. She was as happy as if it was her who had been laughing and smiling just now.

Seeing her like that, Rio almost forgot how to breathe. It was about this time that he realized that he was in love with Emma. But he couldn’t just tell her that he loved her. It would be awkward and weird for Emma to have an almost stranger confess to her.

She was kind to him because she was a kind person. She didn’t have an ulterior motive, nor did she show any signs of wanting a deeper relationship with him. So, Rio hid his feelings, until one day he found her alone and crying in an alley.

She had tried to pretend that she hadn’t been crying, but Rio could easily see through her watery smile. He questions why she is lying to him, and eventually draws out that she doesn’t want anyone to worry about her. She insists that she isn’t crying for any real reason and to ignore her.

Anger wells up in Rio, and he realizes that he hates her trying to fake being happy. He forgot to keep their distance as friends, and grabs her, hugging her. He tells her to stop pretending to smile, and just let people worry about her. It was here that he realized that Emma’s personality is twisted – she worries so much over other people that she has no real care about herself. He tells her that if she can’t bring herself to rely on anyone, she can rely on him.

Emma had agreed to do so, but she said nothing more that day.

The next day, Emma brought him a basket of food as an apology gift. Her smile was as bright as usual, but Rio realized there was a wall between them. Not just him, but Emma kept every one of her friends at a guarded distance.

Valerio would have chosen to let Emma be. Rio couldn’t bring himself to leave Emma in a world by herself. He wanted her to rely on him, to have one person who was just as kind to her as she was to everyone else. Someone special to her.

On that day, Rio first confessed that he loved her.

Three years later, Emma has accepted his love and allowed him to become special to her. He loves Emma and wants to see all of her emotions, the beautiful ones, and the ugly ones. Just hearing his name on her lips turns his brain to mush.

Back on that day, when Rio first confessed his love to Emma, he never imagined that they would be together like this. He had loved her back then, but it was a small trickle of love compared to the ocean he felt today. He has grown since then, but so has Emma.

Today Emma looked depressed, and when he asked her why, she told him everything without hiding any details. She has finally grown to rely on him, just as he always wanted her to. There was Valerio who could only think of himself and Emma who could only think of others. Together, they made almost a whole person.

Emma would always be kind to others, but Rio had no intention of letting go of her favor. He wanted to wrap her in the kindness that she wouldn’t allow from anyone else. Even after regaining his memories of Valerio, that part would never change.

No matter what new memories he would make, Rio would never let Emma go.

[elysiuminfra]

hi anon i love you. thank you for thisi question (i just woke up) you have no idea how excited i am to talk about this. had to make a post since it didnt wanna publish ur ask :( in the ideal world AMPHIMAL (all capitals for silly) is a 14 episode 2D animated tv show (heavily inspired by gennedy tartakovsky's work - particularly with samurai jack and primal, as well as mike mignola's work on hellboy) (AND SERGIO PABLOS!!) (wait edit: AND the old animated batman movies) HOWEVER. i have had many many thoughts about its ACTUAL format as a webcomic. i think it works best in this format cause the internal dialogue is important and you'd lose that in a show (i have many many thoughts about how media format influences tone/overall storytelling) particularly i'd like to execute it as a webcomic set with unconventional format - im very inspired by indie comics such as quinn - a horror webcomic made by moby, tumblr linked here, an artist who's work ive followed for a while and who's work first piqued my interest in breaking "traditional" webcomic format. yugo limbo and mike mignola (there he is again!) are also huge inspirations. (and another webcomic im too embarrassed to say) im in love with the  idea of using the website itself as a backdrop for your visuals - it would be a mix of script, prose, intermingling with cinema-like stills as visuals - this is because traditional comics are difficult for me, i THINK in camera angles and shot layouts, not necessarily comic panels. i also plan on having annotations throughout the story, for secrets and descriptions of certain era-specific objects as fun optional facts - although when i actually put it all together on a website, this feature could be toggled. ideally it would be non-intrusive - think the note system from pentiment. the biggest inspirations i draw for AMPHIMAL though is Hellboy full stop in terms of palettes, visuals, and style. i plan on further solidifying and developing the "look" of amphimal as i do more research on victorian cultural and architecture motifs (they don't even know about the henry jekyll architecture associations) and also because i am the world's most unnecessarily detail-oriented person. my current work reflects moreso how i plan on amphimal looking when its published, with stark shadows, black shapes taking forefront, limited and striking palettes with heavy emphasis on color, shape, and object motifs. i am putting an unnecessary and frankly embarrassing amount of thought into literally every single detail (AND striving for semi-historical accuracy) (which is extremely difficult due to the lack of primary sources / bias in papers and the lack of accounts of certain aspects of victorian life, such as lgbt history and london’s underbelly of the era. particularly because many primary accounts are rife with racism, bigotry and inaccuracies - and they don’t paint a complete picture, so much of what i show WILL be speculation and not historically accurate) as for SCRIPT? behind the scenes its pretty rough - i have my charts and notes, but they're all pretty disorganized and i don't think i could share them without 1. spoiling a LOT of stuff (it doesnt differ from the original plot in any way, it just has far, far more depth into the characters - and some stuff i want to keep a secret!) 2. exposing just how deranged my note-taking skills are. amphimal currently exists only in pages and charts and key visuals i've made for myself that i MUST compile in a clean format for personal use (and sharing among those who can take peeks behind the scenes) as for key points oh boy. my favorite chapter and the one i'm most excited to write is utterson's search and first meeting with hyde. second favorite is utterson's scenes involving lanyon's death (he does die in amphimal, that i'm not changing - i thought about it at first but scrapped it) these moments show off utterson's character at key points OUTSIDE of jekyll (an absolute necessity!) - and he is, by far, my favorite protagonist out of all my projects. and i love him your honor ANYWAY ummm i dont really have much else to write other than thank u for sending this question!!! artistic format / experimentation is one of my favorite things to talk about. as for WHEN amphimal is gonna be a thing, it'll be in the future when i'm in a better living situation (and when the full amphimal theory bible is compiled - i'm obsessed with consistency between scenes and background motifs, so this will work as a reference for me once the project gets started however this will and is currently taking a LOT of research) ETA? later. possibly next year if i'm not too busy adjusting to the city im moving to. dont know yet but it'll happen. i'll make amphimal before i die promise because if i dont my spirit will never sleep peacefully

[janus-wants-to-stargaze]

vent and tw: suicidal ideation

I’ll admit I haven’t been doing the best if you want accuracy my life is kinda falling apart on hand I’m not surprised right before Christmas is usually the worst for me. Just everything is a lot rn like I have a bunch of shit I have manage and it should be simple but it ain’t then there’s just so little time left to get my life in order. I’ve been plagued by night terrors and paranoia for the last like two months and a good nights sleep is a rarity for me. So it’s been no help that I’ve been constantly tired. Then there’s the looming specter of homelessness which might happen might not I don’t know if it will so that’s stressful as all get out . I’ve barley talked to any of my friends outside of required social interactions because I feel annoying. Then there’s my fear that I’m never gonna get better no matter how hard I try I’m just gonna end up the same as my abuser. Oh yeah and at one point I’m almost got hit by a car I’m fine of course but that shit was so fucking distressing and it’s so fun whenever I’m near a highway I’m scared half to death and the intrusive thoughts just screeching at me. The crème de la crème I can’t even get therapy I fucking tried and got denied so I’ve gotten figure out all this on my own. And I have people that support me sure good kind people but I still feel alone. Im gonna be ok I promise but I just wanted to get this out probably gonna delete this post just i don’t know man it just feels insurmountable also my leg has been acting up and I want a cane but I don’t wanna be judged and listen to my families comments about it that’s all I know probably no one will read this but if you did thanks for listening to me vent and ramble

[etinarcadiabayego]

Oct. 26th, 2022

I understand this post will be buried in time and is, like...random af, but if anyone visits The Listening's playlist and gets confused as to why the songs keep switching around or are edited left and right it's because my tastes and such change CONSTANTLY and I'm all over the place with music at times.

Mostly I'm editing how to break up the sections of the playlist and adding new instrumental pieces for the plethora of intrusive movies/thoughts of scenes that play in my head all the time nagging and nagging until I actually write them...or ignore them and suffer even more.

I LOVE WRITING :)))

Anyway...the order goes now that every section is separated by a version of the title's song. So, every time there's a different rendition of Lights's "The Listening" it's ending one section and introducing a new one. I figured it was a neat idea. To see how my brain organizes it, you can read more below :)

I'll put another link to the playlist here just for good measure.

Section 1 ~ The title song (just the vanilla version of Lights's "The Listening") is followed by songs with themes/aesthetics of the story/characters as well as many readers' lovely recommendations. Some are featured in the fic, but only if they follow the rules of being featured (see Section 2) and are put into Section 2 if that's the case.

Section 2 ~ Following an acoustic version of "The Listening", these songs are featured within the fic itself. Rules are that they must be released before or within the time the fic takes place for accuracy (before or during 2013/2014, specifically October through to the following year). Following themes/aesthetics of the story/characters isn’t essential. Some are my take on the personal tastes of the characters and what they might enjoy. They're in the order of chapters' releases just to make it easier rather than a shuffled mix. (Side note: Some songs are in this section are a part of chapters that have yet to be written, so it's almost a bit spoilery... 😅)

Section 3 ~ Following a drum cover by Cobus of "The Listening" is the Vortex Club soundtrack I had in mind for Chapter 13. The first 5 songs of this section are featured in the fic (and thus were released before and during the year 2013). The others are just for fun. I haven't added on to this list since the chapter's release just because, really. It's more of a "one-off" list lol. (Side note: "All Eyes On Me"--aka: Victoria's song--slaps and I listen to it unironically as well as the legendary "Got Well Soon" by Breton 😂)

Section 4 ~ Following a reversed-audio version of "The Listening" are the plethora of instrumental tracks I attribute to certain scenes in the fic or in my head. This section changes the most, and it's mostly for me, but I try to be aware of gatekeeping behaviors and certainly wouldn't spite anyone or turn anyone away who would like to listen to these and judge lol. Besides, the songs are...right there...on the list. lol. 😅 Just be aware, however, that some ARE on the scary side. I never shy away from mood-setting music. Hell, a lot of these songs are from horror or horror-esque video games because I love game soundtracks so much.

And then there's Lights's song "Long Live" as, like, the rolling credits song for me, so it's at the very end of the list. 😉