#one of the only things I would actually like to know on social media is what my friends are currently reading

[coffeeshades]

credits to the gif maker!

LOVE IS COMPLICATED - PART IX

summary: the trials and tribulations of falling in love or two idiots who can't get their shit together.

pairing: pedro pascal x actress/singer!reader.

word count: 2.9k

warnings: 18+ (minors dni). fluff. angst. cursing, age gap, mentions of alcohol and depression. feelings of hopelessness, anxiety. no use of y/n, if i missed something please let me know!

a/n: here it goes. happy reading <3

masterlist!

January 26, 2023

Los Angeles, California

The ceiling isn’t even interesting, but it’s better than everything else right now. You’ve spent too many nights staring at the same spot above you, trying not to think, trying not to feel, but the thoughts always come creeping back. Anxiety’s a funny thing—how it picks and chooses moments to make your life its playground, especially when there’s nothing left to distract you.

You think about your depression diagnosis from a year ago. It feels like a dirty word, one that sticks to the inside of your throat whenever you try to talk about it.

Shame has a way of making you feel unworthy, like there’s a crack inside you that everyone can see. And Pedro…well, he was part of that too. Not because he’d judge you; no, you know he wouldn’t. That’s what makes it worse. He’d understand, and you know it. But it was that very understanding, that softness, that made you feel even less deserving of him. It was easier to push him away, tell yourself that he was better off without you, without your darkness looming overhead.

It was stupid. You knew it was stupid. But knowing didn’t make it any easier. For a long time, you felt like shit. The medication and therapy helped, though. You feel better now, mostly. At least enough to move through the days without the weight of the world pressing down on your chest.

On nights like this, when the city outside your window hums with life, you find yourself longing for him. Wanting him with a kind of ache that doesn’t make sense anymore. Not after a year of silence.

Okay, not complete silence.

There were the text messages, the likes, the little online interactions that served as placeholders for the real thing. But the last time you actually heard his voice was on your birthday. He called, and it was brief. Polite. He sounded tired, maybe distant. You’d called him on his birthday, too, but he didn’t pick up. A few hours later, a text: “Sorry! Really busy over here, even on my birthday. Thanks for the birthday wishes. See you soon.”

Except “See you soon” never came. It was nothing more than etiquette.

Sarah came over a few weeks later. You were sitting on your couch, mindlessly flipping through a book, when she dropped the news. “They broke up,” she’d said, leaning against the counter like it wasn’t a bomb that just exploded in your chest. “Pedro and Julia. Months ago.”

Why didn’t he tell me?

That conversation replayed in your head for days. Maybe he hadn’t told you because you weren’t that person for him anymore. The one he turned to when things went wrong. Life just went on without him in it. The strange became familiar, and here you were, on a Saturday night, staring at nothing.

You push off the sofa, grab your phone from the coffee table, and start scrolling through social media. It’s the only thing that takes the edge off, numbing the ache for a little while. But even that was a trap because almost every post you see is about him.

Pedro was everywhere, and you couldn’t escape him.

The world had caught on to how wonderful he was, and now they all wanted a piece of him. The headlines, the photos, the fan posts—everyone seemed to wonder what it would be like to love him, to touch him. The universe was taunting you with his presence, a constant reminder of what you’d had and what you’d lost. Every time you saw his face, you felt a pang of regret, sharp and unforgiving.

February 4, 2023

New York, NY

The invitation had come a week earlier, but not from him. His sister, Lux, had sent the text. “It would be nice if you came,” she’d written, and your heart had swelled in your chest.

“I’ll try,” you’d replied, though you knew as soon as you sent it that you would go. The next thing you knew, you were on a plane to New York, staring out the window, wondering what you were doing. You hadn’t seen him in person in over a year, and you didn’t even know if he wanted to see you. What if time had passed you by? What if everything between you had faded into the background, nothing more than a memory?

The night of the show arrived, and you were a wreck. A bundle of nerves, second-guessing everything. You sat in the audience, people asking for pictures here and there, and you smiled, happily obliging. But when Pedro took the stage, your heart stopped. He was nervous during the monologue, you could tell, but he quickly settled into the rhythm.

His breathing evened out, and he was so…perfect. He talked about his family, about his mother, and you felt the lump in your throat rise when he got emotional. He was always funny in the sketches, but especially when he almost broke character to laugh. You couldn’t stop watching him.

And you hoped—no, you prayed—that maybe he’d see you through the crowd.

When the show ended, people started to disperse, and there he was, surrounded by his family, by friends, all buzzing with pride and excitement. You hung back, watching as Lux tried to get everyone lined up for a photo. “Who’s gonna take it?” someone asked, and you stepped forward before you could think twice.

“I can do it,” you said, and Lux’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Oh my god, you came!” She rushed over, wrapping her arms around you, and you hugged her back, feeling a sudden warmth in your chest.

Nico and Pedro’s nephews followed, pulling you into their hugs as well. For a moment, it felt like old times, like maybe things hadn’t changed at all. But then Pedro turned, his gaze catching yours, and time stopped.

You stood there, staring at each other, and the world spun and stilled all at once. His eyes lit up, soft and warm, like they always had. He looked like he wanted to say something, but neither of you moved.

Five seconds. Maybe less. But it felt like forever.

You smiled, and so did he, a quiet acknowledgment passing between you. Lux handed you her phone, and you took the picture, watching them all gather together, laughing and chatting. You could feel Pedro’s eyes on you the whole time.

After the photo, he walked over, his eyes locking onto yours again.

“How…what are you…?”

“Your sister invited me,” you replied quickly.

“Of course she did,” he said, glancing back at Lux with a smile.

“Congratulations, you were incredible,” you said, the words tumbling out faster than you intended. “I’m so happy for you.”

He looked at you like you were the most precious thing in the world, like you were the moon and the stars. Your heart raced, and you could feel it thumping against your ribs. He smiled, a half-smile, and his voice softened. “Thank you. I think I butchered a couple of lines, but…"

“No, no,” you insisted, shaking your head. “You were perfect. It was perfect.”

He looked like he wanted to say more, his eyes doing that thing they always did when he was holding something back. But then he cleared his throat, looking flustered. “I have to go get changed and say goodbye to a few people, but come to the afterparty, okay? Oscar and Sarah will be there.”

As if you needed a reason other than him.

“Yeah, of course,” you said, trying to sound casual.

He took a step closer, his big brown eyes fixed on you. “Thank you for being here.”

You smiled, trying to keep your composure. “Always.”

And then he turned and disappeared backstage.

•••

Later, at the afterparty, you felt like a ghost, drifting between conversations. You caught up with Oscar and Sarah, the comfort of their hugs bringing unexpected tears to your eyes. It felt good, to be surrounded by people who loved you unconditionally. But you couldn’t help yourself; you kept looking for Pedro. From across the room, your eyes would meet, and the significance of everything unsaid hung between you.

Twenty minutes passed like that. Stolen glances, quiet tension. Until you saw him slip outside to the rooftop, away from the crowd.

Without thinking, you followed him.

He stood there, looking out over the city, his broad back to you, the skyline of New York glowing in the distance. For a moment, you thought about turning around, about going back inside. But then you stepped forward, standing beside him.

“This city,” you started, “is so beautiful from up here. Makes you forget about all the bad things—like the rats and the traffic.”

He laughed—that booming, wheezing kind of laugh you loved so much—and you smiled.

Pedro smiled at you—that same familiar smile that hadn’t changed in all these years. His eyebrows lifted playfully, and for a moment, it felt like no time had passed at all. But as you looked closer, you saw it—he had changed, and yet the essence of him remained.

His hair was longer now, curling just at the ends in a way that made you want to reach out and touch it. His beard, fuller than before, had streaks of gray decorating his jawline and his hair. The lines around his eyes had deepened, like stories waiting to be told, crinkling when he smiled, as if life had both weathered and softened him.

He turned to look at you. “Hi again.”

“Hi."

“You look good,” he said, the compliment slipping from his lips with ease.

You chuckled softly. “Thanks, so do you, Mr. Popular.”

He clicked his tongue, amused. “What can I say?”

The rooftop was hushed, only the chatter and music from the party drifting up from where you stood. The world below a distant hum, leaving just the two of you bathed in the soft glow of green and gold light from the city. The air was cool but not cold, wrapping around you both in a way that felt intimate, protective.

How Deep Is Your Love started playing, and you looked towards the party, a small smile playing on your lips. As if he could read your mind, he chuckled and said, "How fitting. What are the odds?"

For the first time in what felt like forever, you were under Pedro’s gaze—not the chaotic, feverish attention you were used to, with cameras flashing and crowds screaming your name, but something deeper. His attention had always been different. It was quiet, but focused, like a steady hand on your shoulder, grounding you without a word.

For a moment, you couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe. The pull between you too strong, a tether stretched thin by years of disconnect but never broken. You felt it—the weight of all that had gone unsaid pressing against your chest. You had to say it. Now, before you lost the courage.

“I was debating whether or not to do this here,” you began, your voice low but steady, “today of all days, but I feel like the right time will never come for us, so I’ll just say it.”

Pedro’s eyes searched yours with anticipation, perhaps fear or hope, watching you with that unwavering focus that made your heart race.

In that moment, you realized, you didn't know where to start.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, the words catching in your throat. “I disappeared like that, and I know I hurt you. I was... I was dealing with so much, and I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t move. Some days were harder than others, and I felt so ashamed. So lost. So sad.”

The word sad hung between you, fragile yet heavy. You could see it in his face—how your words cut him deeply. His lips parted, and you saw the pain flicker in his eyes, the understanding that only he could offer.

“Baby,” he said, the word tender, rich with affection. He took a step closer, his presence overwhelming yet calming all at once. His hand moved to your hair, fingers brushing it aside before resting gently on the side of your head. The touch was so familiar, so comforting, you closed your eyes for a moment, letting the warmth of it wash over you.

“No,” Pedro said softly, his voice breaking just a little. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not doing more. For not being there when you needed me. I’m a fucking coward.”

You opened your eyes, meeting his gaze. “I pushed you away because I thought… I thought you were happy with her.” Your voice cracked, but you pushed through the pain. “And before that, I pushed you away because I thought you just didn't want me. I figured it was better to let you be.”

He let out a breath, stepping even closer, his forehead nearly touching yours. “I got with her because I couldn’t escape you,” he confessed, the words raw and full of regret. “You were always there, in my head, in my heart. I thought if I could be with someone else, maybe… maybe I’d forget you, but I couldn’t.”

You felt the tears sting at the back of your eyes. The truth of it, the weight of his words, felt like a key turning in a lock that had long been rusted shut. You wanted to say more, to tell him everything, but before you could, Pedro’s hand slipped to your cheek, his thumb brushing the corner of your mouth.

“I was afraid that you'd be the only person I ever actually wanted. And now I'm afraid that my one and only chance at happiness has passed me by.” He whispered, his voice low and intense. “And I…I think about kissing you more than I think about anything else, literally in the world. It’s my go-to thought when my mind has a minute to spare.”

You could barely breathe. The air between you felt charged, electrified by everything he was admitting, by the love you had both buried for so long. “I was so scared,” he continued, his eyes glistening. “So scared of fucking up our friendship, scared of what people might say, and scared of losing you because… I’ve never known what to do with pain, mi amor. All I’ve ever done is hide from it. But I don’t want to do that anymore.”

You reached up, covering his hand with yours.

He closed his eyes for a moment, as if your touch was too much, too overwhelming. Then, slowly, he opened them again, his gaze locking onto yours with such intensity it made your heart ache. “I was such an idiot,” he said, his voice rough with emotion. “I thought I could live without you, but the truth is, I’ve never been able to. Not for a single day.”

You smiled, your own tears finally spilling over. “Well, that makes two of us.”

"You're my favorite person to talk to," he said, "even when we're fighting."

There was a beat, a single breath in which the world seemed to pause, and then he kissed you. It wasn’t a tentative kiss, shy, or unsure—it was everything. Every moment, every longing look, every stolen glance over the years poured into this one, perfect moment. His lips were soft but demanding, his hands slipping into your hair as he pulled you closer. You knew people could be watching from afar, but you melted into him, because nothing else mattered right now.

When you finally pulled back, foreheads pressed together, both of you gasping for air like you'd been drowning and only just found the surface. His forehead rested against yours, his breath shaky, and in that moment, you saw it all—the vulnerability, the fear, the anger, and beneath it all, the raw, unrelenting love.

Pedro’s voice was thick with emotion as he spoke, “I hate myself for waiting this long.” His hands slid down to your shoulders, gripping them with a desperation that made your heart twist. “I watched you disappear, and I told myself it wasn’t my place. But it was. It always was.”

His eyes bore into yours, deep pools of brown that always saw you, even when you didn’t want to be seen. His hands turned and pushed you slowly to the railing, and you could feel the cold biting into your back even through the thick layers of your jacket.

“I hated myself too,” you admitted, the words spilling out in a rush, messy and imperfect, but true. “I thought about you every day. And I hated myself for it because I couldn’t let go. I tried, God. I tried with everything I had to move on, but it was always you. It was always you, Pedro.”

His lips trembled, and you saw the tears in his eyes—the same tears that were stinging yours. He let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head.

“We wasted so much time.”

You nodded, your own heart breaking at the realization. All the years you had spent avoiding each other, convincing yourselves it was for the best, when deep down, you knew the truth.

You had been running—both of you—from something that had always been there.

“I know,” you said softly, reaching up to cup his face, your thumb brushing against the scruff on his jaw. “But we’re here now. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."

He nodded, a slow, deliberate movement. “I love you,” he said, the words a soft confession.

You smiled, face wet with tears, your heart finally free of the burden it had carried for so long.

“I know."

a/n: aaaahh finally!!! these idiots got it right it only took like 20 years lol.

an extra final chapter is coming very soon. i had so much fun writing this. i started writing this silly little fic right after a breakup because i was feeling lonely and it was the best way for me to not feel like that sooo i wanted to thank everyone who read, liked, reblogged or commented, it means the world to me that someone else enjoys something that takes so much of my time. love you all so much!!!

[entiqua]

I love your artstyle!! Do you have any tips for drawing?

thank you so much! i'm really happy you like it!!💗 as for tips, what i would say would change drastically depending on what kind you're looking for, but some very general ones:

draw what you love and want to see most, regardless of whether anyone else wants to see it. if you don't enjoy what you're drawing it'll never come out as good or genuine as something your whole heart and soul is in. i mean you'd think this would be a no-brainer but sometimes i've had to sit back and ask myself 'if no one was ever going to see this except me, would i actually spend time drawing this?' and i was surprised by the answer

that said, it is also completely valid if your motivation for drawing is to draw for other people! there have been plenty of times where i was too artblocked to draw my own ideas but was still able to draw commissions or gifts and enjoyed it simply because making other people happy with my art makes me happy.

don't get too caught up in having a consistent art style. in my experience this 1000% hinders you

having your sense of anatomy degrade over time without you noticing because you keep drawing the same types of characters is a very real thing! if this is a concern to you be sure to draw a variety

follow a billion artists that you like the art of and you will have endless inspiration injected directly into your brain every time you open social media

my favourite practical tip for those who draw at a desk: keep a small mirror next to you at all times. absolute game changer for quickly referencing hands

if you're drawing digitally, make the canvas huge! in my experience this lets you draw messier/faster and you can't tell at all when you zoom out. if you tend to get stuck spending unnecessary amounts of time micromanaging pixels (me💀) keep it zoomed out while drawing

related to the above point, messy drawings can have far more expressiveness in them than neat and polished drawings. nowadays i never do lineart and go straight from 'barebones stickman pose' to 'varying-levels-of-coherent sketch' and use that as my lineart. sweet freedom from the sketch-looks-better-than-the-lineart phenomenon

if your goal is to improve, then you really do have to scrutinize your art, figure out what you're not satisfied with, and commit the time to focusing on it. 'practice makes perfect' kinda rubs me the wrong way because of how much i've seen it interpreted as 'just draw everyday and you'll magically improve' but genuinely it won't get you very far if you don't actively think hard about what you're trying to improve and take the steps to do it. is this a hot take idk. also hand in hand with this, not every artist is trying to improve and you shouldn't feel bad for this! maybe you just wanna make a little headshot doodle of your fave blorbo and that's your only drawing goal ever. awesome. maybe you know your art has flaws but it's passable enough to convey what you want and you're perfectly satisfied with that. (this is the stage i'm usually at). also awesome!

don't hesitate to draw something because you think it's out of your skill level. the worst that can happen if you draw it is that it comes out terribly but you learned something and can always redraw it better in the future. the worst that WILL happen if you don't draw it is that you'll never draw it. and then it will sit in the back of your brain haunting you for years. it's not like i'm speaking from experience or anything aha

look up 'hand stretches for artists' and do them if you draw a lot unless you wish to summon the wrath of the carpal tunnel demons

of course, these may not necessarily work for you, and most importantly(!) these are coming from the perspective of someone who is primarily a hobbyist. some of this won't be practical for people who need to build an audience, maintain a consistent style for work, etc. these are just things that have personally helped me over many years of drawing :)

[pastry0w0rlord]

This One Really Missed

They would usually cook so hard with these games but they burned down the kitchen this time I'm afraid.

Lenght/Playtime:

Too short. Too little options. The flow chart of this game is pathetic and can't compare to the other 2. It felt like watching a movie.

Price:

Too expensive, my localized price was 8 bucks but I learned the original is 15 from steam reviews. If you really wanna buy the game wait for a sale, the price is unacceptable for this little decision making and 5 endings total.

Humour:

I only laughed out loud at one joke.

One.

And that was the Hat Man joke. Most of the jokes did not land this time.

The original games had this thing where the dark jokes regarding really sensitive topics (racism, homophobia, slavery, xenophobia, abuse...) landed because they had added context. Like:

- "I thought our photography teacher was a pedophile but turns out he is a white supremacist. That's not... better"

- "Uncircumcised men are gross because the media told me so, I am a teenage girl in late 2000s."

- Every straight person in school accusing Nicole of homophobia and talking over Ari because she got rejected when Ari is only angry that Nicole was mean about it.

- Jeffrey pretending to be a white nationalist, entering a straight club etc. not because his beliefs but because he desperately wants to fit in.

- That whole scene of Nicole's mom screaming at her under medicine influence about how she steals stuff from her medicine cabinet. Then Nicole, after a really morbid argument where she plays the victim to the audience, reveals that she does indeed steal her mom's meds.

- The whole route of Nicole bullying Jeffrey into being a school shooter got kicked off by Jeffrey being creepy in general.

and the list goes on.

The dark jokes had twists which made them funny. In Flip Side someone says something stereotypical or generally morbid out of nowhere and follow it with "I am not racist" or barely any acknowledgement. The biggest examples of this I can think of are the Turkish creep stereotype and the whole FYE ending.

They actually made an '09 game parodying the original. This game is what the series' haters think the first 2 games are.

The.. Feet Stuff..:

I swear it was funny at first, with social commentary and all. But then it kept dragging... and dragging...

Then I realized almost half of the game was dedicated to foot stuff. Cool...

Are the writers aware that all those minutes wasted could've gone to an ending with Jecka's mom whom she kept talking about in the first game?

Jecka:

They should rename Flip Side to "Pity Jeckainator 5000" because holy shit poor girl. The overall game was more bleak and sad than funny. Jecka breaks down sobbing multiple times and no one helps her.

Jecka's Father:

I don't know what they were trying to do with Jecka's father but none of his scenes were funny. In fact it was extremely triggering because I got treated like Jecka in the past by multiple people. Jecka is severely jittery, jumpy and horrified at the smallest yelling. She breaks down crying a lot yelling "don't hit me" and I do not see what purpose repeating her father's screaming at every scene with him serves if it isn't meant to be funny. There were literally times where I went "oh here we go again" and took of my headphones before he started screaming at her.

Nicole:

Guys Nicole is severely out of character in one of the foot fetish routes. I don't care if she is supposed to be a sociopath, that is not Nicole. Sociopaths can still separate right from wrong, they are still people so the "Nicole is a sociopath" argument I keep seeing holds no merit here.

Nicole has shown that she is capable of admitting to her mistakes in the prison ending of re-up.

Also lets put aside her mutual respect for Jecka and pretend Nicole doesn't know her at all. That still feels out of character for her. Think about it. Why does Nicole go after older men when she does?

- She is in danger and needs to act. (Coach Colby route)

- She has no other choice. (The route where her mom kicked her out)

- She is trying to get them arrested. (Her luring one of the faculty outside to get arrested)

Why would she, for no reason whatsoever, go after Jecka's dad?

You would argue that Nicole is a petty person from the Megan-Hunter route, but Megan made Nicole snap. She got provoked. Same with the Ari route. Ari was severely fucked up herself. What did Jecka do?

"I can't cut you in, I need this money Nicole"

That's it? Nicole already mentioned she was selling shoplifted goods as well so what is her objective here if not money?

Emily would do this(which she did), not Nicole, Nicole wouldn't bother. It's too much useless effort. They confused their own characters.

The Text from SBN3:

I am not gonna elaborate but that was so insane, wild and immature.

Some Stuff I Liked:

-Seeing Jecka's side of the first game suicide ending was cool.

-I actually liked the FYE route... until I didn't in the last 5 minutes of it.

-The Hat Man bit was seriously funny.

-The illustrations improved.

But yeah overall... Jecka deserved better than this game. I do not hate it for the small stuff I liked it for, but I will still try to pretend this never existed.

If you are here thank you for reading all of it. I usually don't do game reviews, I hope I didn't ramble too much

[solar-sunnyside-up]

Hey, I’m sorry to dump this on ya but your blog gives me a lotta hope and I just wondered if you had anything to say to my current ails- I am but a very anxious teen and I am so scared. I see so many people talking of how the world “Will end in 2040” or how “damn the past was so much better because it was simpler” and I am lowkey starting to believe that. I’ve got a problem with romanticizing a past I wasn’t even a part of and I really don’t want to live in some awful dystopian future and I fear I’ve missed out on so much because of when I was born :( and how come no one can afford basic shit anymore? I don’t wanna have no money at all! I really would like to be happy in the future but with all the bullshit caused by social media and the lack of money it seems bleak. I’m sorry that this is such a negative ask but I am not doing so hot and was hoping you’d have an insight ? Don’t respond if you don’t wanna

Hey ya there sprout 🌱 it can be really tough out there!

Your feelings are valid, so valid in fact that those exact feelings are why Solarpunk as it currently exists is around! We've all been there!

Between the wages of the top 10% of ppl vs everyone else being greater then during the French revolution, the average citizen globally being worse off then when the great depression was happening, climate crisis after crisis, all while consuming endless bits of info both horrifying (ex Politics) and hopeful (ex Social Media activism) it's waaaay too much for anyone to bare alone! Much less constantly! That burden shouldn't be on any of us!! But since it is, I'm here to help at least lighten the load even if temporary.

The best thing to do when we feel like this is to stop. Find 5 minutes to be still. We are fight/flight/fawn creatures and we will only loop in our solutions without actual clear choices if we don't Chill Out. We're mammals our natural state is Chilling Out and Play.

Next, think about how cool the planet is and particularly how cool humans are?

How there's finger flutes on ceilings thousands of years old, smaller then average indicating that parents held their children up to draw on the ceilings.

Think about the invention of looms and spinning fibers! What other creature could do that? Think about the kids that could build Snowmans without aching fingers because of lovingly knit mittens.

We sing like whales do, like birds do, like wolves do, and we do it to share stories and ideas over food! It is the first things babies mimic! We have songs so old we no longer know their origin just that they came from love! We even have songs to herd cattle meaning music transcends just us but bleeds into our relationships with the planet!

That we have play behavior! Just like wolves and foxes and whales and octopus it is so built into our DNA to play its generally how we learn things! This ranges from agriculture (children tossing seeds around, blowing on dandelions!) To chores (parachute games > folding laundry, playing pretend > usually chores/job based) to hunting (tag! Hide and seek!)

Think about our interconnectiveness with the planet too, how we are guided by Honey guides to find abandoned hives to share in the spoils of bread and honey. How Sweetgrass needs us to flourish, how berries and nuts need us to spread across the land, how we fix other animals broken bones and beaks and help them return home when otherwise they wouldn't ever get home.

Now that you can remember we deserve to be here, that you deserve to be here. We can look at the current situation and bare it.

And we do that by doing small things. Jam out and listen to music while picking up litter on your block, go to a library and just hang out or research something you love, make seed Bombs and toss them I to abandoned lots, make silly cartoons. Whatever it is, it will be enough.

The weight of the world isn't ment for the individual no matter how much Capitalism and Elites will try and guilt you over their failures. That weight is ment for collective groups, but your job as a Person is to be happy where you can and to be kind so others can be happy. The last thing that I always keep in my heart is a quote from my fave author Ursula Le Guin:

Hang in there, a brighter tomorrow is gunna happen. I promise 🌻

[starrysnowdrop]

Were there any barriers to you establishing your OCs relationship? Perhaps social or cultural stigma? Or a concern that "ships" with that character were already overdone? Or simply a fear of being seen as "cringe"? If so then how did you overcome this?

Ohhh now this is a good one, as this is something that I’ve been told, that I have inspired others to “overcome their fears” of shipping based on certain stigmas in the FFXIV fandom, so let’s get into it shall we? Oh and I will apologize in advance, as this WILL get long.

The Stigmas

Hali x Aymeric

So for Hali x Aymeric, the obvious stigma is that Hali is a lalafell, and Aymeric is not. Though I’ve seen lately that this stigma has waned a bit, especially here on Tumblr where people who infantilize lalas don’t seem to last long, but keep in mind that there is still plenty of lala infantilism on the bird app and other places like Reddit and in game.

For my main ship, that is really the only thing that I see that makes the ship “problematic” to some in the fandom; some people still see lalafells as “child-coded”, despite lalafells being a fantasy race of little people, no different to gnomes, hobbits, dwarves, etc. in other fantasy media, and despite the in game world treating lalafellin adults the same as any other race.

Yume x Zenos

(Yume’s blog: @firelightmuse)

So for Yume x Zenos, but also to a lesser extent Urania (Hali’s Azem) x Hermes, and my other secret ship that I haven’t revealed yet because it’s still in development, these ships fall into the category of being “problematic” because they are Hero x Villain ships at their core, and because Zenos, Hermes, and the secret ship partner are all major antagonists in the story, they have many haters.

Now there isn’t anything wrong with not liking certain characters, as I truly think we all have certain characters that we just don’t vibe with for one reason or another. But there is a problem, however, when people go after villain shippers just because they happen to not like those characters.

Just like with the Lala infantilism problem, villain ships get a lot of hate in the fandom, but for different reasons. I would guess that the main reason is the haters assume that villain shippers either don’t see that the villains have done bad things and/or try to minimize or excuse the villains’ bad behavior. Now I won’t say that there aren’t a few people out there who will truly excuse a villain’s bad behavior and try to make them out to not be as bad of a person as they are written in canon. But I really do think that there’s not as many of them as the haters are likely to believe.

Remember: just because someone is a fan of a villain doesn’t mean they agree with their actions, and a writer is NOT the same as their character. For example, Yume may minimize and/or downright ignore all of the pain and suffering Zenos has inflicted upon not only her, but innumerable others, doesn’t mean that I as Yume’s writer share the same views. I actually consider Yume to ride the thin line between anti-hero and villain herself, just so y’all know.

How to Overcome the Stigmas

So now that the individual stigmas of each of my ships have been outlined, how did I overcome the stigmas? And how difficult was it for me to do?

Well, if you’ve followed me for several years already, you might’ve seen that Hali, my lala WoL, is not the first WoL I have written. That honor goes to Yume, who is a Raen Au Ra and she doesn’t come with the same stigma that Hali does as a lalafell. So I had the privilege for several years of being able to write Yume without the infantilism that Hali would have to fight against in the fandom. But those years gave me enough courage in my own writing to create Hali and to fend off the stigma of lala x non-lala shipping and my own insecurities surrounding it.

Though it was difficult, and it took me a long time to do so, I eventually realized that I was happier and way more fulfilled when I wrote what I wanted to and not what I thought my followers or my friends or anyone else wanted. Trust me, I tried more “popular” and less “problematic” ships before, and even though they were nice at the time, I ultimately dropped them because I realized that I didn’t feel fulfilled, and that I was scared to write for more “problematic” ships because I feared the backlash.

One HUGE thing that I highly recommend is to find yourself a good support system to surround yourself with. Whether that be reaching out to your mutuals here on Tumblr or joining discord servers with like minded individuals, having people there who can help you through your journey in shipping will help greatly! Trust me, I wouldn’t be where I am today without my support system to be there for me when I’m having a bout of anxiety and/or insecurity with my writing.

Another thing that I highly recommend you do is to Unfollow, Hide, and/or Block haters liberally!! Please, it’s for your own mental health and wellbeing to do so! If you’re wanting to ship your lala oc for example, never hesitate to block the lala haters out there! No good will come from seeing the hate all over your feed, because it will just bring you down.

That’s about all I have for now. If you have any other questions on this subject, please do not hesitate to send me a message, DM, or ask!! I am always happy to help with any questions or advice when it comes to shipping! Thank you so much @mimble-sparklepudding for the ask, and thank you all for reading this very long winded answer!! 💖

[icewindandboringhorror]

On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?

*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)

*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)

(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )

(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)

[13eyond13]

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[shoechoe]

man i am glad i didn't get the tumblr layout update

[skunkg1rll]

im in love w him not only bc of who he is as a person nd how drawn i am to his personality, but also bc i feel like he's the only one who has ever wanted to see me. who i am, like deep down. he's the only one who i feel like i've ever connected with, in an easy nd genuine way. the only one who i feel has ever gotten me. he's the only one who's ever made me feel like we actually have a connection we're both in on, bc i havent had to pretend or put up a fake front for him bc he wanted the real image of me.

[violetclarity]

happy new year, friends! NYE has been a tough one for me in recent years - it always brings to mind the things I didn’t accomplish, and the things that haven’t changed, over the past year. Plus it comes at the end of the christmas season, and while I love the festivity, that is also a hard time of year for me - especially this year - because it kind of sucks to be alone for christmas!

I don’t have any grand lists or 2022 recaps to share. I only wrote one fic this year - co-wrote, with the incomprable @yrfrndfrnkly - and though I finished my novel draft back in april, I’ve been struggling hard to make any further progress on it. I only picked it up to edit this fall, and I’ve gotten less than 1/4 of the way through. It’s definitely my goal in 2023 to crank out those edits, but other than that, who knows what the new year holds in terms of writing.

My main hope, going into 2023, is to take care of myself, to check some things off my to-do list that I’ve been meaning to do, to continue to make my home & my life more suitable. I started off strong on my apartment updates (by which I mean, finally organizing and doing a lot of things I’ve meant to do since I moved in) in november, and I want to keep that momentum going and hopefully have everything well settled by the time I’ve been in this apartment for a year.

For january though, I mostly want to hibernate, and drink a lot of hot chocolate, and read good books (one highlight of 2022 - I read many good books). I’m feeling rather frustrated, and also fragile, and I’m not sure if the perfect solution is to insulate myself for a few weeks, but I think I’m going to test it out and see if it helps.

I’m not sure quite why I’m sharing this - half accountability, more than half as some kind of antidote to all of the 2022 recaps and lists of awesome things that happened last year I’ve seen floating around on all platforms, but tumblr is the only place I feel comfortable being this honest? or something? no disrespect meant to anyone posting best-of lists etc, of course - I’m so happy for everyone’s successes this past year! - but I wanted to make room also for those for whom, like me, the new year is sort of meh, or complicated, or they don’t have a ton of solid things they can point to like “look at my year!” - I see you <3

resolutions or no, I am hoping for a joyful, creative, and restful 2023 for each one of you!

[heartshapedracetrack]

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[not-souleaterpost]

When you deleted your reddit acount because the Soul Eater reddit doesnt like your posts

Nah but for real, say what you want about tumblr, but reddit is so much more anoying - but maybe thats most social media, tried uploading videos on tiktok only to get copyright stuck the same second or just have them deleted for vague comunity guidelines shit, maybe I was too hard on youtube.

I know crying about reddit is pathetic but I dunno, just let me vent lol, idunno gotta get my shit together, too many distractions and other bullshit.

[eggmeralda]

thumbnail that says "staying in my band until I feel appreciated" and the video is 3 years long

[xxlelaxx]

Anxiety makes enjoying good things so hard

[bastardlybonkers]

i feel like not enough ppl are factoring in the cultural clash between laios and shuro and the many micro agressions shuro faced while being in their group. literally the name 'shuro' in itself is one

his name is toshiro 😭 lets also not forget that he has his own communication issues, in the opposite way that laios does- thats literally a factor in their argument, that his envy for laios's ability to express himself sincerely manifested as part of his distaste for him.

ig all this to say like, was their fight heart wrenching, especially when reading laios as autistic? absolutely. anybody whos ever been in laios's position knows how much it hurts to realize someone you thought was your friend doesnt actually like having you around, especially when they didnt tell you and you had no way of knowing due to not understanding their cues. but im begging yall to step back and see the nuance of this situation cause im gonna be real a lot of you are kinda just brushing over it acting like everything is toshiros fault and that hes a terrible person when in reality hes an average guy who really, really clashed with laios and it led to a very long misunderstanding due to their supremely opposite methods of communication. even laios and toshiro, after letting everything out in their fight, were able to come to an understanding and start a foundation for an actual friendship built on better communication

ok yknow what Edit: i shouldve made it even more explicit at the end of this post, i hadnt thought i would need to since i started the post with this, but i think a few too many people are missing my point so i just wanna clarify. i shouldnt have said 'really clashed' and left it at that because yeah they did, but it wasnt just their opposite methods of communication, it is also very much that toshiro was experiencing microaggressions via laios. it may have been unintentional on laios's part, but it still happened and wore him down, made it harder for him to communicate on top of both the more subtle social cues that he was raised with and his own communication difficulties. i also want to say that the fandom reaction to toshiro and the complete ignorance of this point is also racist tbh or at the very least ignorant. i understand that the anime did not cover this panel, and neither did the manga, as this was an omake, but im gonna be real with you guys. there are enough context clues within the story to clue you into this. if you didnt pick up on it thats ok, but i think this is a good lesson in picking up subtext in the stories that youre watching and/or reading. kui shouldnt have to explicitly say 'by the way laios was racist to toshiro' for this point to be understood, and at the very least, when the author portrays a character in a sympathetic light (as kui clearly does) it should make you question Why they are doing so and what makes them sympathetic, rather than youre immediate and only reaction to be 'well i hated what this guy did/said so i hate them and they suck'. idk exactly how to finish this, just. idk. question your biases and gut reactions to things you see in media and stories, and think about whether or not theres subtext that youre missing.

[rabbitofharmony]

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