#one where i can hone and expand on an existing skill

[tunapesto]

picking a course makes me want to cry and throw up so bad

[adonis-koo]

wicked • 18

↳ Summary: In a desperate hope to stop war from breaking you are a serviced to wed the most vile man alive, the one who has committed atrocities and war crimes beyond comprehension, he who is responsible for the fall of many nations, the wicked prince who’s heart is made of stone. You are to marry a man who challenges every belief and moral you stand for, all while being faced in a foreign land with nobody but yourself too trust…But are you both truly that different? Or is hate not too far from love?

↳ Pairing: Jungkook/reader

↳ Genre: arranged marriage AU, enemies to lovers, it’s kind of a period AU??? Historical but also technically not? prince!AU, eventual smut

Word Count: 12k

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tags: oral (f), tiddie sucking…love kink?, teasing, vaginal fingering, begging, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, squirting (yeah…), soft dom!kook, loss of virginity, penetrative sex, it doesn’t fit, but only for a moment, size kink,  possessiveness, multiple positions, slight spanking, corruption kink if you squint, creampies (wrap it before you tap it, condoms don’t exist in this au so…yknow)

Note: this chapter was not supposed to be so horny but the brain insisted 💅

Chapel bells could be heard, a somber cry of the hazy day ahead, you sniffled trying to get the smell of ash out of your nose, squinting as you glanced through the cracked tent, the sky tinted and hazy.

You didn’t remember the sun looking quite that color, it was distorted from normal, another bell chimed and you could hear the camp from even this distant, a crackle of the fire and a sob.

“Focus!” Baba Enàir slapped the stick in front of your desk making you jump.

“Sorry Baba.”

“You can say sorry to all the folks who rely on your hands to save their kin,” Her eyes glowered down at you, “As for me, you will do good and well to pay attention.”

Your lips twitched as you stared down at your desk, eyes slowly squinting into a glare before briefly glancing behind her once more towards the open flap of the tent where you watched the girls, hands all joined skipping in a circle.

“Why can’t I be excused?” 

Baba Enair’s eyes followed yours as she sighed, perhaps taking pity on you, though if she did her eyes didn’t show it. 

“You are the Princess of Eunoia, the people look to you for hope, not the court girls.” Baba Enair replied, “Your dryad blood allows you to heal in a way other girls cannot, that other people cannot. It isn’t fair, but it’s for the war, the amount of lives you can save alone compares to ten of the court girls. It’s imperative that your skill is honed. Now focus once more.”

You sighed, you had heard the same reason again and again, one day you hoped it would finally mean something to you though, today however, was not that day.

Regardless of how you felt, you stuck your hands back into the moon water, a small beautiful red fish, evidentially dying as it struggled to swim around. 

You closed your eyes.

“Now start your three part breath, calm your mind.” Baba Enair instructed.

You took a deep breath from your stomach, slowly expanding it to your chest and then your throat, finally letting it exhale, after a few more breaths you began to speak.

“Ni esta- upon I cemen, eless- mama na- laiva,” 

“Louder.” Baba Enair commanded.

“Let your coiv- mauime- celusse minna -yes’s eala-“ you winced as you yanked your hands from the water, the water boiling and your lips parting, feeling a piece of your heart crack at the fish, no longer swimming, but floating.

Your eyes watered as your lips trembled, you wanted him to have a peaceful passing, but all you caused was pain…

Baba Enair slapped the stick on your table, “You were too fast, too hasty! Rushing your studies will only make them last longer. Save your tears child, you will have much to cry for if you cannot even heal a fish.”

Your eyes only closed letting the tears stream down your face, the scene shifted, the tent no longer over you, but the sky above.

Thick with clouds of ash and the fire raged on, the sickening smell of death in the air, people groaning in agony and cries of mourning.

“How could you let him die you bitch! He was only a child!”

Your mouth was ajarred as you took an unsteady step back, “I’m- I’m sorry but I tried everything-“ the tent behind you being prepped for the fire, there laid a boy no older than four, a head wound that he had accidentally reopened when he fell down, attempting to play with his friend.

Blood was everywhere, even now covering your hands as tears gathered in your eyes, “I’m sorry.”

The older mother only glared as if you were nothing more than a speck of dirt under her shoe, “You’ve no right to cry!” She screamed out, reaching out as she grabbed your hair making you yelp, “You are no princess of this country! You are nothing! The dryads have abandoned your veins!” 

Guards had already pulled her off but she made sure to shove you down, gravel digging into your palms as sharp jagged pain entered your body.

Tears dripped down your nose as you heard the woman scream and cry, throwing curse words your way only for her voice to be guided elsewhere as her son’s body was carried out of the tent.

Placed into a bag but it was evident he was in there, you glanced at the large bonfire, cowardly. You looked back at the ground, unable to watch them toss his body in.

You heard her wails and cries as the fire burned bright.

And suddenly, it was surrounding you, suffocating you as you cried out, the plead of a child, the skin melting from your hands and-

You gasped, sweat dripping from your body as you sat up in bed, wincing as if something of ash still lingered in your lungs, coughing you grabbed the water carafe from your nightstand, pouring a drink.

Leaning your back against your bed board, it was just a dream…you took a shaky breath, attempting to close your eyes,

‘blood covering your face, skin hanging and cartilage visible’

Your eyes shot back open upon being greeted with Di Jin’s dead face.

It had already been difficult to go to sleep, his cold dead face showing up every time you closed your eyes, or in your dreams once you had finally slept. Tonight had been different though, different difficulties deciding to present themselves this time.

All better forgotten nonetheless.

It had only been two days, and yet, it felt as if no time had passed at all, slowly you peeled the covers off yourself, shivering as you grabbed your nightgown cover, putting the long sleeve on as you walked to the door.

The room suddenly felt too closed in, too suffocating, you needed air.

Opening the door, you were greeted with your personal knight Yoongi, his injuries still healing, but he was doing far better than you.

When the unfortunate event of Di Jin and Seohyun showed up, Yoongi had shown up the morning after, bruised and battered, the entire operation of the tower being sieged a guise to bait him out and even better if it killed him, and worst of all it worked. 

Well, the bit to draw him out, but evidently he was still very much alive.

“Your Highness?” Yoongi raised his brows a little, not surprised to see you up, but a little concern evident in his eyes.

“I wish to go for a walk.” Your voice was a quiet croak, shaky even.

“Of course.” Yoongi replied.

“Can it be…as if I were by myself?” Your lips turned into a small frown.

Yoongi gave you a weak smile, “You won’t even notice me.” 

You nodded before walking past him, a little ways ahead before you could only assume he melded into the shadows, trailing behind unseen but still within a safe distance.

The corridors were empty, save for a few guards who bowed for you before giving you no grief, everyone looked at you differently though. 

It was evident in their eyes, the way they all warily kept a distance. 

Once upon a time, you had gotten used to your title, the Bitch of Eunoia.

But now they had all taken to calling you something different, something new, the Blood-Devoured Bitch. It was a hybrid name, both of Penumbrian and Eunoian background, sickening and yet flattering all the same, it suited you, you supposed.

Stepping out into the courtyard you innately shivered, ice cold air penetrated easily past your cover, wrapping your arms around yourself you took a big breath of air.

It’s crisp cool entered your lungs like new life, and for a moment you felt better.

Sitting down on the bench you curled into yourself, and suddenly the weight of your soul felt heavy again, you were so tired. A type of tired that sleep would not make go away.

Staring at the moon, you let its light be your only comfort, surely better days would come.

Jungkook couldn’t describe his level of worry for you, you had woken up physically fine, a minor wound to your chest where Di Jin had attempted to kill you. But you yourself were not fine.

You looked haunted, any food put in front of you was left untouched, and even if you did eat, you were unable to keep anything down.

Jungkook thought once Wheein was safe, things would get better. But it was clear to him this was hardly the case and what made it worse was you were isolating yourself now, refusing to talk to him or anyone else.

Wheein had desperately wanted to see you but Jungkook firmly sent her back to Skol demanding she take some time to herself, being in the dungeon for the last three weeks was no good for anybody mentally, especially her.

Meanwhile he was left to pick up the pieces of whatever had happened at the estate, and it didn’t take a genius to figure it out. 

He felt horrible, he wanted you to go to the estate because he thought it was safe, but as it turns out, he nearly sent you to your death. He hadn’t pushed the topic with you, left you alone if you didn’t respond.

He just wanted you to be okay, it pained him seeing you like this. 

You felt unreachable, and it made him feel as if he was literally losing his mind.

But tonight was Sunday, the day the family gathered together for dinner, Jungkook’s hopes were low but he could only hope that you would show up, he was worried and even more so at a loss of what to do, or if he could do anything at all.

You killed Di Jin. 

The Eunoian Princess, who had sworn an oath to never kill, who came from a pacifistic nation, who had divine dryad blood running through her veins, killed someone. 

And Jungkook knew you wouldn’t listen to him, it mattered not that you did it in self defense, it didn’t change the fact that you still broke your oath. Dinner had been quiet, nobody talking and this was to be expected, after all, everyone almost murdered your hand maid, you almost died, and then not only killed Di Jin, the kings oldest and dearest friend, but also Seohyun, Jungkook’s old fiancé.

Guards had gone to the estate to clean up the mess only to find her mangled body, torn apart by a wolf- namely yours.

Perhaps it wasn't directly you, but it mattered not, you would still take the guilt.

The doors opened and Jungkook straightened in his seat, you gave a short courtesy before taking your seat next to him, your eyes looked sunken in and it was evident you hadn’t slept a single night. 

Jungkook could feel it clawing at his chest with the urge to do something, anything, but he knew all too well this would be something you would have to reconcile with yourself, in your own time.

Dinner was quiet and his uncle and aunt only murmured conversation, Jungkook could only let out a quiet sigh as he lifted his goblet to his lips, wine almost never solved his problems but it did help him relax. 

“Yes, apparently a wild pack of dogs attacked Vail yesterday,” Jeong Dae’s voice was quiet, Areum’s eyes on him as she took a sip of her wine.

Their voices were the only one’s at the table that have yet to talk, after all they had always managed to keep the conversation going in these awkward events.

You were twirling your soup in its bowl, having not attempted to eat, eyes strictly somewhere between the table and your food.

“Well there needs to be more guards posted in the outer district’s now that this whole assassin business is finished,” Areum replied, leaning back in her chair, “They had four fatality’s which could’ve been prevented with adequate soldiers number’s.”

“Or perhaps we just need better soldiers,” Jeong Dae mused, “Perhaps our War Matron should make her return.”

You finally gathered a spoonful of your soup, watching the steam rise from it’s surface before you pushed it into your mouth. Jungkook wasn’t trying to stare, but it was difficult to look away when you were having to force every drop of broth down.

Areum scoffed, “Unless war is on the horizon I would rather rot. There was only one guard there, and he was passing through on his patrol.” 

You gathered another spoonful, looking at it once more as if having to mentally prepare yourself. 

“Is a shame though,” Jeong Dae sighed, “It was an absolute mess when I arrived, blood everywhere, one of the poor lad’s had his throat ripped out-”

A loud cough cut off the conversation, all eyes on you as you grabbed your mouth, lurching in your seat as if attempting to not vomit, “Excuse me.” You didn’t even so much as wait for a reply, shoving yourself out of your chair and promptly exiting. 

Jungkook was immediately pushing himself out of his chair, not even saying a word as he quickly followed after you. You probably didn’t want to see him, but he simply couldn’t stand watching you like this. 

He needed to do something, anything. 

“Y/n!” He called out as you rushed down the hall. 

You shook your head as you took a sharp left, going down the stairs towards the cellar, Jungkook quickly stepping down the stairs as he called your name once more. 

It was dark and only candles lit the air, dust could be seen if one got too close, walls of wine and dry goods stored as you turned the corner of a storage wall, weaving towards the very back where surely no one would go. 

Jungkook quickly followed behind, turning the last corner of the storage wall before he sighed out, a dead end with you at the last wall, back still turned but your sobs evident, hands covering your eyes as you tried to regain your breath but struggling to do so. 

It came out in choked wheezes as you coughed and gagged, struggling to calm yourself down, flashes of blood, images of flesh and gore, no matter how many times you washed out your mouth, you could still taste it. 

Raw flesh going down your throat. 

Jungkook finally stopped at your back, unable to find any words, he could only pull you to face him, and he hated it, how it always seemed your face was filled with tears more than smiles, “I can’t get it out!” 

You felt like a helpless child all over again, unable to help yourself let alone anyone else, but you felt so lost, you didn’t know what to do, you had all of these new feelings, all of these new sins you had to carry. 

You let out another sob as Jungkook pulled you in, and you could do nothing but collapse against him as you cried, “I can’t get the taste out! No matter- wh-what I eat, what I drink, I still taste it!” 

Jungkook only soothing hushed you, pressing his lips on top of your head, “I know.” He ushered softly, “I’m sorry.”

His arms wrapped around you tighter as you cried, resting your head into his shoulder, after a few minutes passed you had finally managed to calm your breath into steady.

“I can’t go back, I can’t undo everything I’ve done, I don’t know what to do anymore,” You tried to not weep but the tears slowly began to trickle back down your cheeks as you lamented, “My whole life i’ve been told I’m supposed to save lives,”

You pressed your hands against his jacket, looking up at him, “So why is it, all I ever seem to do is take them?” 

Jungkook tenderly cupped your cheeks in his hands, thumbing the tears away as he pressed his forehead against yours, “I can’t speak for all of your past doings, but I can speak for what happened at the estate, your survival was dependent on your ability to defend yourself. You were forced to do what anybody would do.”

You shook your head in remorse, closing your eyes as you stifled a sob, Jungkook tenderly stroking your cheeks as he continued, “Humans are instinctive creatures, though you are part dryad, it seems violence runs in your veins.” 

You sniffled, “That’s terrifying! You should be terrified. Everyone looks at me differently now, certainly you do as well, I killed the woman who was supposed to be your wife!” 

Jungkook sighed, tenderly tracing your jawline with those long fingers of his, “The only thing that truly terrified me? Was when you walked through those gates covered in blood, and I realized I had unknowingly sent you to your death, unable to be there for you, unable to protect you, failing as a husband. That terrifies me.” 

Your lips trembled as Jungkook’s fingers traced down your neck to your collarbone, “But you? I told you to show me all of you, and that I would take you as you are, my words still stand.” His fingers trailed down the center of your chest, stopping at the covered wound, the mark where Di Jin had attempted to make his finishing blow. 

“How could I be afraid of someone I love?” It was nothing louder than a whisper. 

It caused your gut to wrench as you violently shook your head, “Don’t say that, please don’t say that Jungkook.” You immediately escaped his arms, every step you took back Jungkook closed the gap with another forward. 

“I don’t expect it to be requited, you don’t have to say it back Y/n but I’ve went through all stages of grief about it, I can’t change it,” Jungkook wasn’t backing down though, “I am in love with you and everything I thought I knew about love, everything I thought I knew about women, feelings, all of it, you came into my life and taught me that I was a fool to ever assume as much. I love you.” 

“Stop saying it! Please, you don’t mean that, please don’t say it so easily…”

Your back was pressed against the wall as you shook your head, Jungkook standing tall in front you, delicately leaning down, both his forearms on either side of you as he whispered, “I love you Y/n, and you will not dictate to me whether that is the truth or not. My love for you has been anything but easy, don’t discredit how I feel because I’m the first to admit it.”

“You can’t love me,” You whispered, eyes blurring once more as flashes of Seohyun’s mangled body appeared in your vision. 

“Loving you is like loving the sun,” Jungkook replied softly, “Effortless, and if I’m meant to burn in its light, then I'd die happily in doing so. My precious sun, the light of my life. Let me love you, let me take care of you, let me protect you, let me never leave your side again.”

“Jungkook…”

“I failed you, let you leave my side, sent you to the estate. It’s ultimately my own fault, and I’ll spend the rest of my life redeeming myself for it. But please, don’t punish me anymore,” Jungkook’s eyes sombered, a sort of tender plea in them, “I can’t be apart from you anymore, I’ve tried to give you space, time to think, to heal, but just as you need me, I need you. I need you just like the moon needs the sun.” 

You had no words, unable to speak, overwhelmed by so many different feelings, but one thing you knew for certain was that when you looked at Jungkook, you felt at home. You said nothing, only gently laying your forehead in the crook of his neck, arms wrapping around him. 

Trying to drown out the voices, the memories in his warmth, you were so terribly homesick, and Jungkook was surely your only remedy to this. 

His arms wrapped around you in return, holding you tightly as he pressed a kiss against your head, “It’s selfish, but please, don’t deny me, love me, lay with me, we’re married, but I want you to be my wife.”

“Take me back to our bedroom.” You whispered to him, curling into his warmth as you shuddered, trying so hard to not let the vivid grotesque images back into your mind. 

There was nothing quite like the warmth a bath could offer, steaming wafting from heat and dipping your body in made you realize just how chilled you had become throughout the day. Perhaps the best part was sitting perched in your husband’s lap, head laying on his shoulder as he tended to you.

The warmth of the washcloth running along your body, his hands that had easily taken tens if not hundreds of lives tenderly running through your hair as he washed you, he of course didn’t miss the opportunity to feather your neck in kisses. 

“Is this okay?” He whispered in your ear, you nodded wanting nothing more than for him to keep making you forget, you didn’t want to remember anymore. 

Jungkook was still tenderly cleaning you up, lips occasionally going back to your neck with a few gentle kisses and eventually after bathing you both settled in the water, just enjoying one another’s embrace. 

His fingers tracing circles on your back before running down your waist, squeezing your ass for a moment before his hand would return back up your waist, touching you however he wanted, simply because he could. 

It was a comforting gesture, but it was also evident how aroused you both were, every time his hand would dip under the water, it made your body just a little more excited, feeling his hand gripping your flesh tightly, making you shift a little and the first tiniest audible moan escaping your lips. 

You could feel it briefly, his hardened cock resting against his chiseled abdomen, Jungkook’s lips pressed against your neck once more, this time suckling the skin as his other hand trailing down your waist before gripping the other side of your ass. 

A soft moan escaped your lips, making your hips shift, nudging his cock once more making his lips suckle your skin a little harder, he released the skin after a moment, as if not wanting to mark it, “Let me make you feel good, my little sun.”

His fingers digging into your skin, his tongue dragging on your neck, “Please.” You ushered out a small moan. 

Jungkook’s hand’s suddenly grabbed your waist, “Hold on,” He said and you didn’t understand for a moment until he suddenly picked you up, bringing you out of the water, grabbing one of the towels from off the stool he laid it out on the bed to not get it wet before dropping you down. 

The fire crackled on, the only light source in the room, leaving it dark and warm, but the silhouette of Jungkook’s body was still very evident, his hard cock even more so as he stood tall in front of your figure. 

You felt so small in comparison in this moment, but it didn’t last long as Jungkook leaned down, “You’re so perfect.” He whispered, lips pressing into yours as if he could sense your anxiousness, your body was so pliable though, having his hovering over you protectively. You moaned into the kiss, body relaxing as one of his hands found your thighs, pushing them apart tenderly as you opened them for him.

Your cunt was throbbing and wet, eager to be touched by him as Jungkook broke the kiss, letting his tongue drag down your throat and to your collarbone before he feathered more kisses, pausing at your breasts. 

Jungkook couldn’t resist wrapping his lips around your left tit, this forced a moan from you, hips shifting in need as a hand steady them, as if telling you to be patient, he traded for your right tit next, moaning softly against your skin as if relishing in it. 

“Jungkook…!” You whined softly, watching the explicit sight, your thighs spreading a little more in need. 

Jungkook’s eyes almost glowed in the dark, that icy blue piercing gaze, hazy and filled with lust as he released your tit from his lips, a small lazy smirk tugging on his lips, “Yes, my love?” 

It felt like knots were forming in your stomach, “Love me, you keep saying it, show me how it feels.” 

Jungkook gave you a small smile, “You don’t need to ask me twice.” His lips pressed down your stomach and your body was reacting in all the ways he could hope as he made his way down to your hips, tenderly, slowly, licking up every reaction he got before he settled himself between your thighs. 

Still he seemed to enjoy getting you worked up, lips pressing against your inner thigh making you squirm, your cunt dripping wet as you whined, “Jungkook!” 

His tongue dragged just a little closer to where you wanted it, “What do we say when we want something?” 

“Please…!” 

Jungkook moaned softly as his tongue pressed against your cunt making you let out a moan of relief, his hot wet tongue mixing with your arousal as he pressed against your little opening before dragging it up your slit, right where you wanted it. 

You moaned softly as his tongue pressed against your clit, you shifted onto your forearm, your other hand reaching down to bury in his wet dark locks of hair, his tongue swirling around the tender bud as pleasure shot through your body making your thighs open further for him.

His eyes closed as he moaned against your clit, wrapping his lips around it as if suckling something sweet, it made a sharp whine escape you as you yanked his hair hips lifting for him. 

“Mm Jungkook.” You ushered out softly as his lips parted, tongue lathing against the little bud that had you squirming in pleasure. 

“Relax my love,” Jungkook moaned into your cunt, “Let me make you cum as many times as you please.” 

His fingers snuck down to your cunt as his lips wrapped back around your clit making you whine, his tongue having found a particularly sweet spot that had you grabbing his hair.

His fingers toyed with your little hole at first, letting them get nice and sticky from your arousal before he pushed a digit in, your body immediately reacted, walls clenching around him as a strangled whine left you. 

His lips parted as his tongue lathed your clit, continuously flicking the sweet spot of your bud as you whimpered, your cunt throbbing in pleasure as his finger began to pump inside you, “Relax princess, I got you,” Jungkook’s lidded eyes met yours, and briefly you could see his finger, knuckle deep in your cunt. 

As if noticing this as well a small smirk curled on his lip as he pulled it out, before gathering both his middle and ring finger, pushing it back inside you, it made you wince a little in discomfort, “Shh, give your body to me, I’ll take care of it my love,” Jungkook moaned softly, his cock was rock hard at watching you moan and wither beneath him in pleasure.

Your walls clenching tightly around his fingers as he thrusted them inside you, his lips tenderly pressing into your thigh to soothe you as your body slowly relaxed just as he said.

Your hips slowly lifted in sync with his as you whined, Jungkook buried himself back in your cunt once more, tongue lapping at your little clit, getting the exact reaction he had hoped. 

A loud cry escape you, thighs suddenly wrapping around his head just the way he wanted them too, wanting to be suffocated by your cunt and nothing else, his fingers immediately began pumping rougher inside you as you whined unable to keep yourself supported anymore as you collapsed back against the bed. 

“Koo! Mmm! Please Koo!” Your words were mumbled and whiny as his tongue viciously swirled and suckled your throbbing bud, his fingers suddenly lifting inside you as if in search for something. 

Pleasure was becoming more consistent, more intense as Jungkook's moan vibrated against your clit and his fingers pushing all the way inside you as they lifted once more, the pleasure that suddenly snapped through your body was indescribable, a loud whimper escaping you. 

His name came in shambled shorter variations as you whined and moaned, your walls rapidly squeezing around his fingers as he kept thrusting into the same spot again and again.

Jungkook kept lapping at your clit, finding that sweet spot once more as you withered beneath him, back arching as your mind blurred with pleasure, “Oh..! Oh god, please! Yes! Mmm!” 

Your voice echoed throughout the bedroom loudly as fits of moans  escaped your mouth, lips parted at just how good you felt, “Cum for me, cum all over my fingers sweetheart,” Jungkook moaned before his lips parted against your clit, lazily rubbing into that little spot as his fingers ruthlessly rubbed into that spot inside you. 

And you did. 

Your walls rapidly wrapped around his fingers as he kept shoving them inside you, his tongue attached to your bud, milking your orgasm as unholy noises escaped your lips, mixtures of thanks, of his name, cries to the empty sky. 

It just kept going, the pleasure only heightened as you squealed out, hands digging into his hair as his tongue swirled over your clit, fingers refusing to stop as they hit that same spot inside you over and over again. 

It had your eyes rolling to the back of your head, your thighs trembling as you completely gave your body up to him, relaxing into the building sensation inside your cunt as your walls kept squeezing around his fingers, his tongue not stopping on your clit as he suckled it once more. 

His tongue finding just the right spot as it all spiked once more, your moans were shaky and cried out as blind pleasure washed over you once more, cumming all over his fingers but not only that liquid suddenly spewing lewdly from your little hole. 

“Fuuck,” Jungkook moaned, lifting your hips suddenly as his fingers abused your little entrance, hitting that spot over and over again as your body withered against him, “Such a good girl.” 

His fingers finally pulled out of your cunt, your thighs trembling as he set you down, moaning as he kissed your thighs, hands dragging against your waist, “Fuck, I want you so bad sweetheart, wanna fill you up, wanna feel you cum all over my cock.” 

You were heaving deep breathes, trying to comprehend the pleasure you just experienced, you were hazy still as your hand tenderly combed through his hair, “Then do so…” You gazed at him, hazey and the darkness made it difficult to make out his expression, “You said you wanted me to be your wife, then make me your wife.” 

Jungkook’s gaze shot up to you as you weakly smiled, “I want you to be my husband, but we’ve never consummated it. I want to.” 

Jungkook moaned softly, his cock throbbing as he crawled up to you, arms hovering on either side of you as he stared down at you, “You mean it?” 

“Of course I do,” You whispered, hands creeping up his neck and back to his hair once more, pulling him down for a kiss that he would never deny you. 

Jungkook moaned softly into the kiss before he broke it, pressing a kiss against your neck, “It’ll hurt,” He whispered, “But I’ll make sure it doesn’t last long.” 

Jungkook shifted you further up the bed as he sat on his knees, between your thighs as you parted them for him, feeling nervous, but you felt so safe with him, you wanted him, craved him. Jungkook’s fingers brushed over your cunt, puffy and wet as you shuddered. 

His hand was soaked in your arousal as before he wrapped it around his cock, just as big and fat as you remembered. His eyes didn’t leave yours as he pumped his cock in his hand, it made you feel shy as you shifted beneath him. 

“Are you sure?” He murmured, you nodded. 

Grabbing your thighs he pulled you closer to him before he grabbed his cock once more, rubbing the fat weeping head of his cock against your cunt as you let out a shaky exhale, you knew he was big but…he was really big compared to you.

Just the size of his head was nearly as big as your cunt itself, “Jungkook I don’t…-”

“It’ll fit.” He reassured, a little amused, pulling the head of his cock to your little entrance before attempting to push it in. 

You winced in pain as you shifted, you weren’t sure how you expected this to go, it really wasn’t something you had ever fantasized about. But the first attempt was lackluster due to the fact that he indeed was not getting it in.

Jungkook’s nose wrinkled, “Ugh fuck. Hold on,” He whispered, shifting a little more, setting your thighs a top of his a little more, lining his cock back up to your entrance as he pushed once more. 

He pushed the fat head of his cock against your entrance once more, this time however, you let out a yelp, the sensation almost burning as you shifted in discomfort against him, “Ah…! Fuck that hurts.” You let out a weak whine, biting down on your lip hard. 

And it did, all you could focus on was how much it ached and burned having your walls pushed open by something so large and foreign.

Jungkook leaned down, arms on either side of you as he pressed feathery kisses into your neck, “I’m sorry, my love,” His whisper was strained, “Just let yourself relax, it won’t last long.” He let out a slight shaky moan as he pushed himself just a little deeper inside you.

You tried to let yourself relax as much as possible, but your brows were still pinching together and it was difficult for it to not hurt when he was just really that big. 

Jungkook suddenly pulled out of you making you sigh in relief, Jungkook pressed another comforting kiss against your neck as he pushed the head of his cock back inside, only this time, it wasn’t nearly as painful, a little discomfort of having something foreign inside your body. 

But it wasn’t nearly as bad, Jungkook’s muscles were completely tensed and his breath was shaky as he buried his face into your neck with a moan, “Fuck sweetheart, you feel so fucking good wrapped around me.” 

Jungkook his deep raspy words in your ear made your walls squeeze around him, making him push a little deeper inside you as you let out a soft whine, shifting your hips as if trying to take more of him. 

Jungkook could feel this, immediately pushing his cock deeper inside you, “Oh my god,” He whispered, “Fucking perfect, perfect cunt, perfect body, perfect for me. Look at that little cunt, taking me so well.” 

You whined at his hips thrusting a little, as if testing the water’s, “Koo…mmm!” Your eyes snapped shut at feeling his cock splitting your walls open, hitting all the right places.

Jungkook moaned as his hips slowly began to thrust, his cock still not fully inside you but with each thrust it got a little closer, “Feels so warm, so little, fuck, keep wrapping around me like that love.” 

His shaft rubbed right into that sweet spot that had you moaning, legs wrapping around his waist, your cunt felt so full and yet wanted so much more, Jungkook’s hips were becoming a little faster, “Such a perfect cunt, mine. All mine.” There was a hint of possessiveness in his words. 

Your hands dug in his hair, “All yours.” You whimpered out quietly as your body started jolting, his hips becoming rougher at the words, “Your cunt, yours.” 

Jungkook let out a rough moan, deep and raw as if those words made him all hot and bothered, “Fuck yeah it is,” He suddenly growled in your ear, “You’re my fuckin’ wife, my cunt to play with, my cunt to make cum again and again. Mine.” 

You suddenly whimpered at feeling his cock going deeper inside you, your eyes shutting as you moaned for him, knowing he wanted to hear them, knowing how much he liked to see you in pleasure, “Mmm! Like that.” 

“Oh? Like this?” He smirked against your skin as he thrusted particularly harsh, his cock going deep inside you once more, your walls rapidly clenching around him as you moaned, nails dragging against his back. 

“What about this?” He murmured in your ear, pushing his hips all the way until they met yours, his cock completely buried in your warm little cunt as you shakily moaned, eyes squeezing shut at how deep he was inside, how thick and fat his cock was, completely splitting open your walls. 

“Mmm fuck, yeah.” You ushered softly, creaming all over his cock, arousal coating it as your walls squeezed around him, you had finally found heaven, it was Jungkook buried inside your cunt. 

Jungkook moaned as well, feeling how tight your walls squeezed around him in pleasure, as if suddenly starved Jungkook grabbed your thigh, bringing it over his shoulder as his hips shifted, rapidly thrusting into you as you yelped in surprise. 

But pleasure was immediately blooming side you, his shaft rubbing all the right spots, balls slapping against your skin as you whimpered for him, “Oh! Right there, yeah! Yes, god…!” 

Jungkook moaned, “Fuck yeah, squeeze around me baby, know you wanna cum on it, cum all over this fat cock, gonna fill you up until your dripping.” 

Your hips lifted with his, moaning at how good it felt, his cock roughly dragging in and out of you, pushing your walls open with each thrust, “Mmm wanna cum all over it.” 

Jungkook moaned, thrusting particularly hard this time making you whine before he suddenly shifted, letting go of your thigh as he suddenly sat up right, but dragging you with him, his cock pulling out of you as you whined. 

Thighs trembled and uncertain of this new position as Jungkook sat you in his lap, immediately grabbing his cock as he pushed it back inside you, except you were a little awkward, “Mm Koo I don’t-”

“Like this love.” Jungkook moaned, grabbing your hips as he lifted them, this new position made you feel him in an entirely new way, your lips parting as an involuntary moan escaped you, trying to mimick the way his hips guided you. 

Sliding down his cock as you moaned, feeling how deep he was inside you, your walls rapidly clenched, Jungkook’s hands tightened around your ass, “Fuck yeah sweetheart, can feel you wrapping around it, cum.” His head suddenly dove down, lips parting on your right tit as he suckled it harshly making you cry out, walls clenching around him as you lowered your hips all the way down. 

Your arousal dripping on his balls as he lifted you, fucking you on his cock as you whined pathetically, not of much use when he fucked you like this, his lips suckled your tit harshly once more, “Cum,” He growled, his hand suddenly smacking your right ass cheek making you yelp. 

Your body however, loved that feeling of pain, your cunt squeezing around his cock as he roughly bounced you on it, “Like that? Like getting spanked sweetheart?” Jungkook grinned deviously, suddenly smacking your ass even harder, your body reacting to it as your walls clenched harder around him. 

“Mmm! M’ gonna cum..Koo!” You whimpered out, all the sensations overwhelming you as Jungkook continued to bounce you on his cock, pushing you deeper on him as he smacked your ass once more, this time hitting just under the cheek, the pain mixed with the pleasure as you moaned loud, walls squeezing rapidly around his cock. 

Your lips parted as you came all over his fat shaft, being bounced roughly as Jungkook moaned, “Fuck yeah, thats it princess,” Jungkook moaned, wrapping his around around your waist as he laid back on the bed, bring you with him a top as his hips lifted, rapidly thrusting up inside you, this orgasm was much deeper, more powerful as he continued to bottom out inside you making sure he was completely buried inside you.

“Fuck my love, that’s it.” Jungkook ushered a moan, you felt it before you heard it, something indescribably warm shooting deep inside your cunt, “Mm that’s it, take it like the good girl you are.” 

You let out the tiniest whine, burying your head in his shoulder as he let out a deep sigh of contentment, relishing in his orgasm, how long had he imagined holding you like this?

His lips tugged into a lopsided smile as his eyes opened, looking at you as if you were the only thing in the world, as if in deep admiration, love.

You supposed that look in his eyes, could only be described adequate as love, “My goddess,” He mused, fingers trailing your face, his hand trailed down your side before grabbing your hand, the skin discolored in large patches. 

Jungkook pressed his lips against the palm before tenderly planting a kiss on each finger, the gesture was so full of love it made your eyes fill with tears that did not shed, his lips pressed against your wrist, “The love of my life, I know I cannot change the past,”

Jungkook laid you both on your side as he wrapped his arm around you, “But we will get through this together.”

You weren’t sure what it was, the earnest look in his eyes, the pure devotion in his voice, but you believed him, you wholeheartedly believed him, “We will.” You whispered back, leaning in to press your lips against his.

It was filled with nothing but sweetness, tenderly pressing over yours as he let out a soft moan, his hand finding its home around your neck, not squeezing but simply holding it, “My wife.” He moaned against the kiss, “My beautiful wife. I don’t think there will ever be a day I don’t love you. Sleep, and if you wake, I’ll be here to hold you.” 

Sleep did not come easily, Jungkook had managed to get you both under the warm covers, scaring off whatever little coldness that had tickled your skin, the last hour before he fell asleep had been silent, his fingers tracing circles against your back, enjoying one another's warmth. 

You had eventually fell asleep but dreams you could not remember had plagued you back awake, your eyes were tired but you could see blue light streaming in from the window, it wouldn’t be long before your day would begin. 

Still, you laid dozing off enjoying your Jungkook who hadn’t let go of you the whole time, skin to skin contact soothing, you had rolled onto your stomach, letting the weight of his body near on top of you soothe your eyes back shut. 

Shifting a little to get comfortable this must have accidentally awoke him as you felt a gentle kiss press on your shoulder a sleepy groan escape his lips, “How long have you been awake?” He mumbled, his voice quiet, deeper and raspier than normal. 

“...Not too long, I’ve woken up multiple times though.” You whispered, keeping your eyes shut as you felt his hand slowly stroke your waist. 

You would never say it out loud, but you could definitely get use to being petted like this.

“You should’ve woke me up,” Jungkook pressed another kiss against your skin, this time your neck, “Let us lay together in silence.” 

“We could be laying in silence right now.” You offered a tiny tired smile though you weren’t sure he could see it. 

“We could.” Jungkook murmured, his lips pressing onto your neck once more, this time parting as his tongue tenderly lapped over your skin, the act itself made your breath hitch, body stirring as you tilted your head, letting him have more access to your skin. 

You kept your eyes closed, allowing him to give you open mouthed kisses over your neck, not too long in each spot to be mindful of marking, his tongue delicately tracing over each patch just enough to tease. 

It seemed he finally got what he wanted out of you, a tiny moan as he shifted you both, now spooning you, your bare ass promptly snug against his hard cock, his lips suckling the skin of your neck as his hand snaked over your waist, grabbing a handful of your tit as he pinched your nipple. 

You whined as you rubbed back against him a little, this made his hand immediately grab your hip, squeezing it to stay still before it hooked over your thigh to lift it, your cunt glossy and wet, dried cum staying your thighs no doubt. 

Your face felt hot and flush and suddenly the covers that had kept you warm were like an inferno, Jungkook shifted, grabbing his cock as he let his fat weeping head rub along your puffy slit. 

A small breath escaped you as he rubbed it over your sensitive clit before back to your little entrance, and then pushing it in, your brows pinched together in discomfort, his size still big for your body to adjust too. 

“Shhh,” He whispered against your neck, moaning softly as his hips started thrusting, his cock pushing further inside you as you whined, “Fuck, can’t believe this pussy is all mine,” Jungkook ushered quietly, “Mine to fuck, mine to love, mine to cum inside. Mine.” 

You moaned against the pillow, your walls squeezing tight around his cock as he thrusted further inside you before pushing all the way in, his shaft rubbing just the right way inside you, “Mmm, Jungkook.” You moaned quietly. 

You could feel his wicked smirk on your skin, hips suddenly thrusting rough up into you, his cock throbbing as his balls smacked against your skin, “Moan my name, only mine. Want everyone to hear, to know how good I fuck you.” 

You bit down on your lip at his hips thrusting at a steady but rough pace, each time pulling almost out of you only to shove all the way back in, the fat head of his cock hitting that sweet spot inside you each time. 

“That's right sweetheart, cream all over it, wanna feel this pretty little cunt cum all over my cock,” Jungkook moaned in your ear, that deep rasp in his voice had your clit throbbing and your walls wrapping around him as you whined. 

Overwhelmed by how big he was, how good it felt you nearly cried out at the feeling of his cock pulling out of you, your muscles tensed as your eyes snapped open at being robbed of your pleasure. 

Jungkook had a sleepy smirk on his face as he sat upright against the headboard, pulling the covers off to reveal his fat, proud cock, glossy with your arousal as he offered you a hand, “Come sit on your throne my goddess.” 

Your body felt hot in all kinds of ways as you took his hand before slowly crawled to him, Jungkook however manhandled you to sit on his lap, your back pressing into his chest as he pried your thighs apart, the position was all too familiar as you whined. 

“Jungkook…!” 

“Remember what I said last time?” Jungkook pressed a long kiss against your neck, shifting you as he grabbed his cock, gleaming coated in your arousal as he pushed the head back inside you, an audible moan from you echoing in the room as you watched in arousal and horror at how much he was splitting your cunt. 

Your body could do nothing but sink down on it, whines and whimpers escaping you once again at just how thick his cock was, finally meeting the base as your body rested against his, Jungkook however had different plans, grabbing your thighs to lift them a little as he suddenly starting thrusting. 

His fast pace took you off guard as you gurgled a moan, eyes unable to look at anything except his cock pulling in and out of your cunt, covered in slick arousal as you felt his shaft squeezing past your soft warm walls each time, hitting up into your sweet spot that had you moaning. 

“You like watching?” Jungkook grinned, a breathy moan escaping him as his chin rested on your shoulder, eyes hazy as he watched his cock push all the way inside you, “Like being made to take this big fat cock while being made to watch.”

Jungkook’s eyes squeezed shut at how hard your walls suddenly clenched around him, taking everything in him to not cum this very moment, “You’re so fucking little,” He groaned, fingers digging into your thighs, “Love feeling that pretty little cunt wrap around me, heh yeah like that fuuck.” 

His fingers found your clit rubbing them as you yelped out, walls rapidly clenching around him in a feeling that he was quickly starting to familiarize himself with, it made his cock throb in pleasure as he lifted once more, shifting you both a little so you laid back more against his chest, thrusting harder and faster this time as he pressed your clit between his fingers. 

“Mmph! Koo-! Fuck, ah! Yes! Oh god, like that, please! Please!” Moans escaped you incohesively, surrendering your body to him as he fucked you roughly, hips snapping up into yours, his cock stretching out your walls each time. 

Jungkook’s fingers toyed with your throbbing clit, “Thats it, moan, let them know who’s taking care of this pretty pussy, who’s filling you up with cock right now,” His hips drilling into you as he watched his cock snap in and out of your cunt each time, “Look, watch.” He growled in your ear. 

Your eyes opened as you moaned, your cunt puffy and wet, stretching for him with more ease now than before, Jungkook’s hips slowed down, “You like watching yourself get fucked?” 

Your throat felt dry and your body hot as his hips sensually moved, slower, deeper, making sure you felt every thrust of his hips as his cock buried deep in your cunt, “Answer.” 

“Yes,” You stammered, whining a little at his cock burying inside you once more but this time not pulling out immediately after, “Like watching.” You whined quietly. 

Jungkook had a wicked grin on his lips, “You like it? Being fucked by the wicked prince?” His thrusts were short, keeping his cock as deep inside you as he could, your walls clenched at the short snapped sensation, “Like it when I cum deep inside this pretty virgin cunt of yours?”

Pleasure was building rapidly in your body, your walls squeezing tightly around him each time, watching his long thick fingers rub into your clit, finding that sweet little spot that had you gasping a whine.

“Yes, yeah, fuck, mmm! Fuck Koo, gonna…!” Your body was contorting as his cock pushed all the way inside you once more.

“I remember that little mouth of yours our wedding night, remember wanting nothing more then to bend you over and stuff you full of cock,” Jungkook moaned, hips becoming sloppy, thrusts uneven, some slow, some rough, “Fuck you so hard all you’d be able to do was thank me. But look at you now.” 

Jungkook smiled against your shoulder, “My pretty wife letting me fuck her tiny little cunt, letting me ruin the little virgin dryad princess. Fuck yeah, that’s it, cum all over it my love. Cum all over this cock.”

You were moaning so loud, surely people out in the halls could hear, and it only turned Jungkook on further, his cock buried inside you with the need to make sure you kept moaning, needing others to hear, to know that you were his. 

His thrusts were short, keeping buried deep in your cunt as his fingers kept rubbing into the sweet spot of your clit, your walls rapidly clenching around his base as he buried into you once more before you came. 

Jungkook let out a loud moan as your walls squeezed him so tight he was unable to thrust, pleasure was contorting in every part of your body as you came all over his cock just as he wanted, your clit throbbing in pleasure as Jungkook tenderly rubbed into it, milking every last bit of pleasure he could.

“God I love the way your cunt wraps around me,” He murmured, eyes tightly shut at the sensation, what he had dreamed of for so long now, the feeling of your cunt squeezing tight around him, begging to be filled with his cum. 

The feeling was still foreign, having something warm and slightly sting as it roped inside you, his hands squeezing your thighs tight as he came, moaning softly in your shoulder, you both were heaving breathes.

Jungkook pressed a flutter of light kisses against your neck, fingers tracing your thighs, is fingerprints still prominent in them, “So that’s what you meant…” 

“Hm?” Jungkook hummed out, nose nudging your neck in a loving manner, his fingers tracing over the skin that was slowly discoloring. 

“You…once told me bruising could be attractive, is this what you meant?” You whispered, voice raspy a little humored. 

You could feel the tiny smile on your neck, “Maybe. Maybe not, do you find it attractive?” 

“Do you?” 

Jungkook’s fingers continued to trace over the marks, “When they’re mine,” He pressed a kiss against the shell of your ear, “They’re the most attractive.”

You had gotten distracted though, his cock slipping out of you and cum oozing from your entrance you squirmed in discomfort, your face felt warm at the lewd sight.

“Mmm, that’s even more attractive though,” Jungkook moaned softly, his index finger scooping it back up before pushing it back in making you squirm.

“Jungkook…!” You whined out, immediately closing your legs.

He chuckled as he pressed a kiss against your head, “Let me grab a washcloth and get you cleaned up.” 

Jungkook shuffled you out of his lap before standing up with a groan, grabbing his undershort that had never gotten worn last night as he put them on, grabbing a washcloth from the stool, walking back over to bed where you had shuffled, suddenly feeling incredibly exposed as you sat naked on his bed.

It didn’t matter if you both had just finished laying together and his cum dripped between your thighs. 

Jungkook looked down at you for a long moment before a smile curled on his lips, “Are you going to let me see?”

“I…can clean myself.” You replied flustered, unable to look at those pretty blue eyes of his. 

“What kind of partner would I be if I made you do that?” Jungkook snorted, grabbing your legs as he pulled you closer, it made you squeak now at the edge of the bed.

You thighs parting only a little for him, but he had quickly made it more as he pulled them further apart, his tongue grazing his lips at the sight before the warm wet cloth dragged over your thighs, his hands were attentive and gentle as he cleaned you up. 

Jungkook had gotten himself halfway dressed and had just gotten your slip on just in time for the timely knock on the door, Taehyun’s voice on the otherside.

Jungkook had allowed him to come in, bowing to you both before going to Jungkook’s wardrobe, “Would you like for me to send for a maid to help the Princess?” Taehyun asked, you could tell he had to have known something was up but obviously not about to ask. 

“No,” Jungkook replied, leaving your side as he walked over to Taehyun, “I’ll help her get ready for the day.” 

Taehyun said nothing more aside from going over the duties Jungkook would need to attend today as he got him dressed, you had fidgeted in bed, eyes glancing at the window as light began to filter in, brighter than usual. 

You would be expected to carry out your duties today as well, the rebuilding of the market had slowed down since winter had approached and Jeong Dae had warned you the building would be very slow in the winter, but to be patient. 

You also had to meet with a few noble houses today to discuss resources once more, just the idea exhausted you. It had been nearly a week since the incident and yet it felt as though a day hadn’t past. 

You hadn’t even noticed when the door had been shut. 

“You’re in your head again.” Jungkook frowned, staring down at you, fully dressed in black today.

“So much has happened since we married,” You frowned as you looked at the window once more, “It’s difficult to not these days.” 

You parted your lips but no words came, uncertain of how to express your feelings, Jungkook patiently waited as he turned away from you walking to your wardrobe, most of your clothes had been taken out, but evidently he had somehow managed to keep most of your winter wardrobe here. 

“I knew it would be difficult, when we married and I would move here, leaving my land behind. I had two years of mental preparation for what may happen,” You sighed softly as you glanced at your hands, flipping them over to look at your discolored palms, “I had mainly prepared myself to be killed here. And yet…somehow, it never occured to me that living might possibly be worse. That living and yet, unable to recognize myself, would be a thousand times worse than death.”

You felt alienated from yourself, perhaps deep down you always knew you were capable of murder, the rage so deep in your bones that certainly it would strike a god down, but to have done it? 

To go against everything your nation stood for? The oath you had so proudly taken as a little girl, your mothers eyes beaming down at you with pride. 

Jungkook set the material out on the bed he had gathered before kneeling down in front of you, gently taking your hands in his, “Or perhaps this is just another side of you, something different, something new, change is uncomfortable. Growth is painful. I remember my first time…” 

Your eyes slowly moved, meeting his as he frowned, “I was nothing more than a child, holding a sword too big, he was a grown man. It was one of our drill sergeants in training, he had despised the Jeon name and had taken to treating me as nothing more then dirt beneath his boots.”

Jungkook sighed, “He had been ruthlessly sparring with me, going as far as kicking me into the ground well past my attempt of surrender. And then he stopped, and just stared at him before laughing, saying I was pathetic, that I’d never live a day in battle. And like that he just turned his back and walked away.” 

Jungkook’s eyes dropped, “I don’t even know what possessed me, but he kept laughing as he called out to his little friend that he was done with the Jeon Scum, suddenly I had unsheathed the dagger in my hand and ran at him.” 

“And?” You whispered out.

Jungkook shrugged, “I don’t remember much of it anymore, I’ve been told I stabbed him over fourteen times though, I was covered in blood by the end of it and I only remember crying in the bathtub while washing myself.” 

Your heart painfully squeezed for him, he couldn’t have been older than ten? Nobody would ever be fit to kill, let alone a child, “Were there consequences?” 

Jungkook shook his head, “Areum had given me a light slap on the wrist, extra watch duty, less rations, things of that nature. But being the prince gave me certain privilege,” He a bitter smile grew on his face, “I think that was the first time my father ever told me he was proud of me. Said I had great promise on the battlefield and that I was meant to rule.” 

“You say it with such disdain.” You frowned. 

Jungkook sighed as he stood up, grabbing the dress he had picked out for you, a purple dress with long thick velvet sleeves, the material was sheer and thin but he had grabbed a thick under slip to pair with it. 

Jungkook pulled the slip over your head, “Do you want my honest words on it?” 

“Of course I do.” You whispered out, eyes meeting his as he pulled the material down. 

“I’ve never had the desire to rule,” Jungkook said it no more than a whisper, “I don’t want the crown, I don’t want to be king.” He ushered it as if it was a crime, but suddenly he looked a little relieved as if this was the first he had ever voiced it, “I don’t want those responsibilities that come with it…”

Jungkook held your dress in his hands as his brows furrowed, “...I don’t want to be like my father.”

He spoke it as if that was the underlying reason, you stood up in front of him before wrapping your arms around his waist to hug him, “You’re nothing like him.” You whispered out, his hands wrapping around you as he squeezed you tight, nose burying in your hair. 

Jungkook broke away only a little as his forehead pressed against yours, “But then I think about you, crown on top of your head, the way you visit the outer districts, redistribute what's left that the royals waste, how you sacrificed something so sacred to you…” His hand grabbed your own, pulling it towards his lips as he pressed a kiss against your palm, “And I think about how you were made to be a queen, and if I were to rule by your side…then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.” 

“Truthfully?” You whispered back, looking up at him with a soft smile, “It doesn’t matter to me, as long as I’m with you.”

Jungkook only smiled, fingers tracing your neck as he gave a flutter of kisses to the palm of your hand before he let go of you, grabbing the gown as he helped you change, tentatively lacing the back of your dress before turning you around. 

A sort of satisfied look on his face as if he had made the right choice, “Leave your hair down today, it looks nice like this.” 

“Jungkook…” You gave him a look, you felt incomplete if you didn’t have your hair braided or styled at all. 

“Indulge me today.” Jungkook replied with a sort of saccharine dripping off his tongue you had never heard before, pulling the velvet gloves over your hands.

You hated how much he had so easily convinced you as you sighed, shaking your head, “Very well, anything else.” 

He nodded walking to your jewelry box once more, “I didn’t say anything, but it didn’t mean that I didn’t notice.” Jungkook walked back over to you, gently grabbing your left hand lifting it up as he held out the large black ring, your wedding ring, “Wear it with pride.” 

Jungkook slid it on your ring finger making you smile as you glanced down at it, you had worn it a few times in the past, but it felt different letting him put it on you.

Your lips slowly fell though, “...I’m not ready for today.” You whispered out, Jungkook had been completely taken you away from your sickening thoughts for the last twelve hours, and soon you would have to return to reality. 

Jungkook frowned as his fingers traced along your neck, “It’ll be over soon my love.” He ushered quietly before leaning in, pressing a chaste kiss against your lips, your eyes closing as you leaned into his warm touch, fingers curling around your throat as you let out the softest moan. 

Jungkook refused to let this go further though, letting his hand drop as he broke the kiss, “If the day gets hard, you know where to find me.” 

Your day had become tones of gray, monotonous without having even realized it, your mind was elsewhere and nobles had looked at you with mixed reactions, some in fear, some in disgust. After all, they had all seen you, seen what you had done, what you were capable of.

You had been hold up in the library the last hour and a half though, reading up on some of the policies for building that had a headache beginning to turn up in your head.

Flipping the page you had went to drink your tea only to find it ice cold, the fire crackled at the far end of the library, but here in the nook you had found it towards the window was cold. 

Time had passed more than you had realized when you found your husband standing at the front of the table, looking at you expectantly. 

You glanced up from your book, “Are you finished with your duties already?” He usually worked later than this.

Jungkook’s nose wrinkled, “I’ve been done for over an hour, it’s nearing seven Y/n.” 

Your eyes widened as you glanced out the window, realizing it was dark outside before you looked back at him, “I’m sorry I didn’t even realize…”

Jungkook rounded the table, fingers dragging to your book before shutting it, “Enough of burying yourself in work.”

You frowned before you glanced up at him, “Do you have something in mind for us then?”

“Dinner,” Jungkook replied with a tilt of his head, “But first come, we should check on Fenrir and…you’ll enjoy the walk.” 

You took the hand he offered you before hooking onto his arm as you both walked down the hall, it was a quiet night but the glances maids and nobles alike didn’t surpass you, the looks never went away. 

You tried your best to ignore them as you entered to the courtyard, lips parting as you both stepped out.

Large fluffy snowflakes fell from the sky, almost shimmering against firelight as they softly landed on the ground, small piles of powder already forming as you looked around, enchanted at the sight, “It’s snowing…!” Your lips twisted into a smile, “I’ve never seen snowflakes so large…” 

Jungkook’s eyes softened on you as he smiled, “I figured so, it’s our first of many snowfall to come this winter. I thought you might like to see it.” 

Jungkook had led you down to the stables but your eyes were still captivated by the sky, filled with little white puffs that gracefully landed onto the ground, a loud whine however brought you back as you frowned. 

“Oh my sweet boy,” You ushered out softly at the sight of seeing Fenrir limp towards you, large tail wagging behind him as you reached out for his face, tenderly rubbing his snout before planting a kiss atop his head, “I’m sorry I haven’t visited you today.” 

“I saw him this morning, I let him loose while watching the guards spar,” Jungkook said, “He’s healing, by the time we travel for Yule he’ll be good as new.” 

He reached out, giving a firm pat to Fenrir’s side, “We’ll be taking him with us?” You glanced back at him in surprise. 

“Wolves will be roaming for food no doubt by the time we leave, it would be most safe to have him with us to scare off any predators.” Jungkook replied with a nod, “...He’s also bound to you, the grief he’d give royal staff would be something I’d never hear the end of from my father.” 

You gave him a guilty smile, “I wouldn’t want to part with him either.” Fenrir had managed to lick your face causing a quiet giggle to escape you as you leaned away from him, lovingly stroking his neck. 

You had gone inside his pen to straighten out his blankets and to pull out one more thicker one, now that it was snowing you were certain the winter nights would be long and cold, you truly did wish the castle would let him stay inside. 

After spending a few minutes with Fenrir you let out a soft sigh, wishing to not have to depart from him so soon, but your duties had kept you all day, and tomorrow would most likely not be much better. 

Fenrir as if sensing this let out a whine, his ears flattening against his head and his tail fell, “Don’t look like that,” You whispered out, your heart aching for him as you rubbed his ears, “I’ll be back tomorrow, and maybe Jungkook will let you out again.”

“We’ll see,” Jungkook replied neutral, “Inside Fenrir.” 

It was a soft command the Fenrir hesitated to listen too, “Inside.” Jungkook repeated more firm making the wolf whine once more as he went back into his pen, making circles before he laid down, another high pitched whine escaping him. 

“I’ll be back soon.” You whispered before kissing his head once more, closing his gate as you tried to not let his whines make you sad. 

Jungkook had extended his elbow out to you once more as you took it, sighing with a frown as you gave the pen one last look, “It’s only a day, he’ll survive.” 

“I still don’t know why we can’t keep him in the castle…” Your words trailed off at the sight ahead. 

A silvery cloaked figured and…Wheein, bundled up in a green cloak, cheeks rosy pink from the chill as you both paused, it hadn’t been fair that you hadn’t even gotten to see her since she had been trialed. 

You had immediately left Jungkook’s side, “Wheein!” 

Tears filling your eyes as she met you halfway, “Y/n! I’m so, so incredibly sorry!” She whispered out as you both embraced, tears of joy, tears of relief, you weren’t sure, but seeing her in person, being able to tightly hug her. 

It had all suddenly rushed in your mind, that what you had committed, why you had done it, it wasn’t just for your own survival, but it was for the survival of someone else, your arms squeezed around her. 

You broke away from her, grabbing her hands in our own as you both looked at one another, Wheein immediately noticing your tiredness, “Are you okay?” She whispered out. 

“You were nearly executed, I should be asking you that.” You frowned. 

“But you…” Wheein couldn’t bring herself to say the words, the silence loud as you looked away from her. 

Your eyes dropped down to her own gloved hands before finally back at her, “You are alive, and so am I. I will be okay…with time.” 

“You should be at home resting with your family Wheein.” Jungkook had decided to step into the conversation, words softly reprimanding.

“I couldn’t stay away any longer, not after everything that has happened. I owe you both my life, and I wanted to give my thanks for all you have done for me. As well as…” Wheein frowned disapprovingly as she turned to the cloaked figure.

Taehyung. 

“I’ve heard about the ill-spoken words.” Wheein stared him down as she let go of her hands, taking a few steps back as she gestured the man over. 

Taehyung frowned, scratching his cheek as he shuffled in front of you, “What I accused you of Princess…I cannot take back my words, but all I can do is ask for your forgiveness.” 

You gaped as he dropped to one knee, bowing his head, “I spoke without thinking and let my emotions get the better of me.” 

“Taehyung…” You whispered softly, true his words had wounded you but you couldn’t entirely blame him, you had no idea what would do if Jungkook was in such a similar situation, “While your words hurt, being upset like that is understandable. We were all afraid of what would happen, I would never hold it against you.”

“Stand up Taehyung,” Jungkook spoke, his eyes not quite as kind as yours but it seemed he had a similar line of thought, “While your words were border treason…” He trailed off, glancing down at you briefly, “If the love of my life was also on death's doors, there’s no telling the hell I would raise. 

“Love of your life?” Wheein squeaked out, clearly embarrassed at the comparison, but it made a soft smile tug on your lips.

Taehyung bowed at this, “I won’t speak out of line again. I still hope to one day serve as your hand Your Highness.” 

Jungkook snorted, “We’ll see about that. Now you need to escort Wheein back-”

“With all do respect,” Wheein spoke up, a small shy smile on her face, “I would like to return from my leave early, I would like nothing more then to be back in service to the Princess once more.” 

Jungkook frowned disapprovingly but you had spoke before he did, “You are always welcomed to return Wheein, your company would be a light that I need right now.”

Jungkook sighed, “Very well, then return to your quarters for the night,” He began walking, pulling you along with him, “And we’ll see you in the morning.”

Snow fell quietly and you could hear the owls trill out, your heart feeling just a little more light, the road ahead would be only just as treacherous, but with Jungkook by your side, and the friends you had made. 

You could only hope it would be enough. 

[writingpiecesak]

Stolen Glances

Summary: You’re the new student in class 1A, though most classmates were accepting and even trying to be your friend, there was one classmate who kept his distance but you would catch him staring?

In the bustling world of superheroes and extraordinary abilities, there exists a prestigious institution known as U.A. High School, where aspiring heroes gather to refine their powers and shape their destinies. It is within these hallowed halls that you, as a new student, embarks on a thrilling journey in proving to not only yourself but others who doubted you that even a small quirk like yours, can save lives.

As the doors of U.A. High School swing open, anticipation fills the air, mingling with the nervous excitement of countless aspiring heroes. Amidst this sea of aspiring talents, you stepped forward, determined to prove your worth and make your mark on the heroic landscape. Surrounded by classmates with diverse quirks and unique abilities, you quickly realizes that you’re about to embark on a life-altering adventure. Your tour around the halls and training rooms bring a vibrant and bustling feeling of the campus teeming with energy. Heroes-in-training hustle from one class to another, engaging in rigorous physical training, honing their combat skills, and expanding their knowledge of the hero profession. There was much you needed to catch up on.

So for the past 2 months, earning your nickname as “new girl” you befriended a boy named Midoriya, a polite and warm girl, Yaoyorozu and their group of friends as well. You mixed in well and no longer had to worry about who to sit with at lunch.

The crowded cafeteria bustled with students chatting and enjoying their meals. Among them, a young man found himself unable to take his eyes off a particular person. His heart raced as he stole glances in your direction, hoping to catch a glimpse of your radiant smile. Every movement you made, every word you spoke, enthralled him.

This feeling, this hope that you would smile at him. Hope that you would first to say hello to him. This was definitely a first for Katsuki Bakugou. He never had the urge to watch over someone or to creep around the halls in hopes he’ll see you. He secretly thanks God for putting you in his class and having you sit behind him. For one, he definitely would’ve been distracted if you sat in front or next to him. And two, he still was able to be somewhat near you. It was all very confusing for him but ever since you walked in class with a nervous smile and a pretty red bow in your ponytail, Bakugou couldn’t take his eyes off of you.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice the passing time or the curious gazes of his friends. All his attention was focused on you, the object of his affections. With each stolen glance, his admiration grew stronger, his feelings more intense. He couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to hold your hand or share laughter with you.

As fate would have it, on this particular day, the universe conspired against his attempts at subtlety. Just as his eyes lingered a moment too long on your graceful form, you turned your head in his direction. Your eyes locked, and in that brief instant, time stood still. He felt a jolt of panic surge through him, unsure of how to respond to being caught in the act. Unable to maintain eye contact, his gaze quickly darted away, desperately seeking refuge in the anonymity of the cafeteria. His cheeks flushed crimson, betraying the embarrassment he felt at being discovered in his vulnerable state. He feared that he had crossed a line, that his adoration had become too evident, and he wished he could retreat into the safety of his thoughts.

Bakugou knows the whispered rumors and jokes about his demeanor and his ‘arrogant’ attitude at being the best. “I know I’m the best why not brag about it?” Oh, but if his enemies could see him now. Looking away like some shy worthless extra, he didn’t like feeling the sense of exposure or embarrassment. Which is why this was so embarrassing he didn’t know how to deal with it. Being caught staring at your crush is something he didn’t expect could happen in his life.

But as he cautiously glanced back in your direction, a smile tugged at the corners of your lips. It was a gentle, understanding smile, one that spoke volumes without uttering a single word. In that simple gesture, he found solace and a flicker of hope. Perhaps, just perhaps, his unspoken feelings had not gone unnoticed. With renewed courage, he resolved to face his emotions head-on, to be honest with himself and with you. It was a small step, but an important one.

From that moment forward, he vowed to muster the bravery to share his heart, for he understood that life was too short for regrets and unspoken desires. And who knows? Maybe, just maybe, their paths would converge, and his crush would become more than just a distant dream. So with this newfound courage and determination, he stood up from his table, threw out his food and made hesitate yet confident steps towards your table’s direction.

He stood there as Midoriya gave his greeting and offered lunch, the others continued their conversation. But Bakugou wasn’t here for pleasant greetings with Deku, he cleared his throat and directed his attention to you.

“Welcome to U.A High….y/n”

“Oh that’s right! Kacchan, you never got to meet y/n. But it’s been 2 months since her arrival, oh I’m not saying you’re not ‘new’ anymore y/n! Of courses there’s still a lot of things you haven’t seen yet and–”

Bakugou tuned out his friend babbling like a nervous idiot but he too felt like an idiot. Though he stood there with a stoic expression his thoughts were the opposite.

Welcome? Welcome? She’s been here for two months why the hell would I welcome her now? Why couldn’t I say anything different? Anything would’ve been better! For fucks sake, I’m not some idiot that can’t put words together damnit now she thinks I’m an idiot. Say something please so I don’t die of embarrassment.

“Thanks Bakugou, I hope we get to train together sometime.”

Fuck I think I’m in love…

[knightsofsomethingorother]

What I like about the Knights: Bedwyr/Bedivere

I have had brainworms about this man since I first read the scene in good old Morte when I was 14 years old where he lied about throwing Excalibur into the lake. TWICE. And he only tosses it in after Arthur straight up threatens to kill him if he tries that shit again. Iconic. As such most of my love for him stems from Malory's interpretation specifically, which is funny because this motherfucker is only in the last few chapters.

To expand a bit on him lying at the end. We don't really know WHY he didn't chuck it. We know he thinks it'd cause problems, but no specifics. Did he want to use it himself? Did he think it'd help the kingdom to keep around? Was it ultimately sentimental? Selfish or selfless? Who knows!

In the older works he pops up in, he notably doesn't have any outstandingly special powers unless you count him being really good with thrusting weapons, which I don't because A) it can be read as him just being really quick and precise (which I personally find a more interesting interpretation, hard work and skill honed over a long time is way cooler than magic), and B) he gets power-creeped hard - and even then most writers either don't know or forget he's really good with swords and spears. My mans had his thunder stolen BAD.

In fact, he was the OG Prettiest Guy Who Isn't Arthur(tm), but then more Prettiest Guys Who Aren't Arthur(tm) kept getting added. So he's, unfortunately, usually shoved into the background unless someone else (usually Kay) drags a spotlight over to him.

Sidenote, I fully believe that Bedwyr and Kay are married. But really I'm just happy any time they appear together. A lot of the time the knights don't really feel like they're even friends in the 'normal human' way instead of the 'operating under 10 layers of chivalry and posturing' way, and at the very least Kay and Bedwyr actually enjoy being around each other.

Also, this motherfucker was there FROM THE BEGINNING (both in-universe and as like... a concept (he predates Jesus by a few hundred years)) and is usually the last guy left alive. But he's never a major player in anything except chucking the sword in a lake at the end. At most he's helping Kay with something or doing his job. A job he did presumably well because he held his position as Marshall for several decades and only lost it because everybody mcfucking bit it all at once.

If you want to look through a metanarrative lens, he's cursed to witness events and never influence them, but he gets one act of agency at the very end, which he gives up out of either fear or loyalty. And his reward is that he's left alone with a flippant order from his king to do whatever he wants. A lifetime of service rendered completely null and void by the complete loss of everything and everybody that he's ever known.. A lifetime of service to a system that was ultimately the root cause of the tragedy. And goddammit that's some spicy stuff to work with.

Anyway, my grand thesis statement is this: He exists in a sweet spot where he'd be an excellent POV and can be built on without in any way upsetting preestablished characterization. He's a relatively normal guy among complete and total freaks of nature (affectionate) who manages to outlive all of them. And the few things that are relatively set-in-stone about him (Close to Kay, only has one hand, there from the beginning, chucks sword into lake) are enough of a foundation to make him really interesting. To summarize:

[littleblueberryartist]

One personal gripe I have with TLT was that Annabeth mentioned that monsters often posed as doctors to medicate Demigods and dull their battle reflexes.

Cuz like as much as I love the series for being my first exposure to ADHD/dyslexia/neurodivergent representation. And the fact that it was about positive representation and solidarity in that.

Demonizing medication is,,,,,

So anyway canon is a suggestion and I'm going to ramble about my neurodivergent demigods thoughts (mainly focusing on ADHD because that's what I personally have)

My mini retcon is that Annabeth was misinformed and distrusting of adults because of her past

And like. Annabeth grew up at camp which is full of other neurodivergent kids that get it and accomodate her. It doesn't make her learning disabilities less disabling at times, but it likely meant that existing unmedicated didn't impact her nearly as badly as Percy or any of the other kids that weren't year rounders. So I think her views on the matter would be more detached as a result. She was also really young and I like to think she learns better in the future (maybe when she starts college bc the self directness of tertiary education hell is how I got diagnosed lol)

I wouldn't be surprised that monsters might try and disguise themselves as doctors, since if they're looking for demigods, that would be one way to find them. But I'm taking the "most doctors are monsters to try and medicate the half bloods" lore and throwing it out the window actually.

If anything I think it'd be better if it was more like. A representation of the doctors that won't listen to their patients, or the ones that maybe leave it *all* to the meds to help the kid or placate parents because believe me for a lot of people, me included, just meds are not enough.

I'm not completely sure how I'd go about it? Maybe they're trying to be doctors but because they're actually monsters they're not actually doing a good job??? Something about the importance of finding a good doctor??? But anyway that's the gist

Medication is not a cure all and it won't turn you into a zombie unless your dosage is wrong or the specific type of medication isn't for you. It's is so important to still have it as an option even if they're not for everyone and not demonize something that can genuinely help (even if the side effects can suck at times rip)

And like jokes on you my ADHD makes my thoughts jump so quickly that even if I notice the little things I will simply be on the next thing before I process. What battle reflexes? At least with meds I can focus on the things I notice djfjfjfjf

Anyway now that that's been covered onto the other ramblings!

Correct me if I'm wrong but I vaguely remember Percy talking about how his willpower crumbles at caffeine and how ironically soft drinks calmed him down (it's not ironic Percy it is simply how ADHD be sometimes)

So like

Even if the campers aren't medicated I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of them self medicate with caffeine anyway like a lot of irl ppl do. (I've tried to self medicate with coffee a couple of times before I got diagnosed tho it always just made me sleepy)

I'd like to think that the Romans do actually have really good adhd healthcare bc as much as they're about battle and honing your skills they also have a whole ass city where you don't have to worry about monsters. Part of the reason ADHD is disabling is the environment, and in the books it's also what makes them good and necessary for a battle scenario. But these guys aren't battling! They're living peacefully in the city! So like I think they can afford to "dull one's senses" a bit.

This also extends to good healthcare in general. They're a society of largely neurodivergent people, which often come with other co-morbidities so it would make sense for them to expand to accommodate those too. Not to mention they're warriors, likely resulting in a good number of physically disabled residents. So it makes sense for them to cover all of that and have accessible infrastructure.

As far as I'm aware there was no confirmation whether legacies were neurodivergent and they make up a good chunk of New Rome. But!!! Since a lot of neurodivergencies (especially the focus of the books ADHD and dyslexia) are hereditary I'm gonna go ahead and say yeah lmao

Anyway new worldbuilding challenge let the Apollo (both Roman and Greek) kids work together with the Hecate/Trivia kids to make an ADHD med equivalent without as many of the irl drawbacks or smt I would kill to be able to focus without the cost of hunger be gone and meds crash superhell

[aoazany]

#10 A Semester of Poetry: Exploring Forms, Finding Voice

As the semester draws to a close, I find myself immersed in a world of words, emotions, and forms—poetry. What started as a mere exploration of different poetic structures evolved into a profound journey of self-discovery and artistic expression. In these past few months, I delved into various poetic forms, from the structured elegance of sonnets to the minimalist beauty of haikus. Join me as I reflect on my experiences and share the evolution of my poetic voice.

Embracing the List:

One of the first forms that caught my attention was the list poem. Its seemingly simple structure opened the door to a world where mundane details transformed into poignant expressions. From grocery lists to emotional inventories, the list poem taught me the power of simplicity and the beauty that lies within everyday observations.

Discovering the Essence of Haiku:

The haiku, with its three-line structure, challenged me to distill complex emotions into a mere seventeen syllables. Each word became a brushstroke, creating a vivid snapshot of nature or emotion. Through this form, I learned the art of brevity, finding that sometimes, the most profound messages are conveyed in the quietest moments.

Navigating the Sonnet's Complexity:

The sonnet, with its strict rhyme scheme and meter, provided a canvas for more structured exploration. This classical form pushed me to experiment with language, to mold words into a rhythmic dance. While initially daunting, the sonnet became a playground for expressing intricate feelings and constructing narratives within the boundaries of tradition.

Playing with Word Substitution:

Word substitution exercises were a playful twist in my poetic journey. Swapping out words in existing poems or creating new pieces with unconventional choices injected an element of surprise and unpredictability. It was an exercise in breaking free from the expected and embracing the delightful chaos that linguistic experimentation can bring.

Engaging with Ekphrastic Poetry:

The connection between visual art and poetry became apparent through ekphrastic poetry. Responding to visual stimuli, be it paintings or photographs, allowed me to transcend the boundaries of language and merge the visual and literary arts. This form invited me to explore the interplay between different modes of expression, resulting in a rich tapestry of words and images.

Channeling Voices through Persona Poetry:

Persona poetry granted me the opportunity to step into different shoes and speak through various voices. It was a fascinating exercise in empathy and imagination, as I inhabited the perspectives of characters both real and imagined. Through this form, I honed the skill of embodying diverse voices, enriching my own poetic repertoire.

Diving into Contemporary Poems:

In addition to experimenting with forms, I dedicated time to exploring contemporary poetry. Reading the works of modern poets expanded my understanding of the evolving landscape of poetic expression. Themes ranging from social justice to personal introspection resonated with me, providing inspiration for my own creative endeavors.

Conclusion:

As the semester concludes, I find myself transformed—not just as a poet but as an individual who has delved into the intricacies of emotion, language, and form. Each poetic exploration, from the structured sonnet to the free-flowing persona poem, has contributed to the tapestry of my artistic identity. Through this journey, I have discovered that poetry is not merely a collection of words but a vessel for emotions, stories, and unique perspectives. The semester of poetry has been a revelation—a process of self-discovery, expression, and a celebration of the beauty that words can create.

[fabdante]

Expanding upon the idea that Bob was an electricity demon and that electricity demons are uniquely suited to handling/manipulating tech, including making their own little digital world(s) within certain tech like TVs or computers or CCTV cameras:

Vergil still doing his hacking stuff, but this time as the King of Hell, to subtly control and monitor the human world. Or he could just have a whole legion of electricity demons do it for him- presumably the same or similar ones as worked for Bob, assuming Limbo collapsing into the real world didn't blow their covers, in which case they'd have to start all over again with new identities/positions, under Vergil. The ones that are still alive, anyway. Do you think Vergil would avoid using them to keep an eye on Kat and Dante, since we know Kat and Dante (or maybe JUST Dante, post Limbo collapse? But I'd hate to exclude Kat from this stuff, and screw it, humanity could use some advantages against demons) can see demons and demonic corruption, even through whatever veil Limbo gave the demons? At least until he has them more firmly established elsewhere on Earth, anyway. Best way to not have your Evil Plans foiled by the heroes is to just not do stuff pertaining to your Evil Plan in the same city/country that the heroes are in, after all!

I do still love the idea of Vergil learning how to do this kind of stuff himself, tbh, rather than just leaving it to his electricity demons. Just because we've seen preboot Dante take on powers of demons he's killed, like the Quicksilver Style from Geryon and Doppleganger Style from Doppleganger the Deathvoid in DMC3. So it'd make sense if reboot Vergil could do something similar here, too, with the electricity demons. He'd probably have to kill at least one of them to absorb/learn their powers, but still, I could see him doing it.

(Could also see him sparring with the Dreamrunners and Drekavac, too, just to hone his swordsmanship and portaling skills with the Yamato, but that's another topic.)

Side note 1:

I wonder if the Geryon horses are still a thing in the reboot? I mean, Mundus won, and Geryon are pretty useful tools, given that they can control time and teleport and maybe have something to do with moving the souls of the dead, so it'd make sense that Mundus would keep them around. It'd also make sense for Eva and Sparda to target them, too, precisely BECAUSE the Geryon are so useful. Maybe that's where Mundus got his weird time controlling powers? Sparda and Eva kept killing off his Geryon, so he just figured, "Fuck it" and ate/absorbed them to gain all their powers for himself instead? Or at least however much power was left, depending on how many Geryon remained by that point.

Side note 2:

I wonder if that means the Griffons can do the whole "digital world" thing, too? I mean, they are, technically, electricity demons. (And also air/storms. So, uh. Not sure what Mundus could do with that, but ok.) But just given their temperment (or at least, the temperament of Griffon in DMC1, which I'm just gonna use as a reflection on the Griffon species of demon as a whole, since Griffon DMC1 WAS one of Mundus' top minions, after all), I feel like they'd be better suited to something else, y'know? Assuming all Griffons are as noble and honorable as the Griffon we meet in DMC1.

Same question for Alastor- at least, assuming Alastor is still a demon or even race of demons and not a Devil Arm, like the Alastor Devil Arm we get in DMC1.

Side note 3:

Do you think Nightmare exists in the reboot universe? Or the Leviathan? I mean, Mundus made both of those things in the preboot as sort of biomechanical demon weapons, and he even used his own blood to make Nightmare, so maybe???

All of this is really fun and interesting!!

I've always seen post game reboot Vergil surveilling at least Kat because the two of them are deeply unhealthy when separated (not that they're particularly healthy together but look asdfghjk) I've always seen it as something more magic based though then like real world based, though the CCTV angle makes a lot of sense and could be interesting to play with. Particularly because Dante and Kat wouldn't really be able to track him if he's just going to hack into human world systems from his new home in hell.

I think also I'd lean more into Vergil figuring out these things for himself because he does seem like the kind of guy who does not like to ask for help and would rather overwork himself then delegate things he's deemed important, so it makes sense that he'd want to do this himself.

(Also yes to him sparring with higher level demons from the game to hone his skills very about this 11/10)

Anyway, onto side note 1: I tend to view the demon types between the games as pretty separate so I never really considered if there were Geryon horses in the reboot!! I think though if I were to include them I'd probably go about it by having them be rarer, lower circle demons. Meaning they're deeper in hell then we see in game. Since Devil May Cry as a whole is (loosely) inspired by the Divine Comedy, I lean into the circles of hell thing when building their version of hell and the deeper you go, the bigger and stronger the demons. Sort of like how the ocean works, I guess. So if I were to include them, I think I'd have them rarer on the upper rings because they're brought from lower rings. And it'd make sense for high ranking demons like Mundus or even Sparda to see them as a sort of power and status symbol and tool for battle but they're hard to come by, and perhaps all the ones in Limbo had died a long time ago during some of the angel wars or due to something Eva and Sparda did.

Side note 2: If I were to include Griffons in the reboot verse I think I would focus their abilities a lot more on the natural world rather then the digital world! I'm not sure what I'd have them be doing, though, perhaps something like the Hunters tracking or something? I'm not sure. They are just giant birds of pray, though, so maybe.

Side note 3: I don't know if those things would exist! I don't really want to say reboot Mundus is weaker then preboot Mundus but I tend to characterize reboot Mundus as a lot more...tethered? I guess? He seems a lot more stuck to his tower and the hellgate where he's drawing power and the state we're seeing him in often makes me wonder if he's the weakest he's ever been. We know from the game that he's attached himself to his human body and to the hellgate and that he can't like...leave the hellgate (perhaps if there were more he could go between them but there aren't more at the moment, there's just the one). When he's untethered from the hellgate, sure he takes the whole city and turns himself into a sort of Nightmaresque monstrosity. But before then, before the hellgate is closed, he doesn't leave until Dante provokes him. Even when his child is killed he just sends out an attack which is, yeah, powerful and devastating but he still doesn't leave. So I wonder if he'd have the energy to make things that big and powerful at this point in time. But I don't know, he could possibly do that! But I think for the way I tend to headcanon the reboot universe, at the moment I'm not sure.

[blowflyfag]

SPARK OF SOMETHING SPECIAL 

THE RISE OF THE AMERICAN JOSHI PROMOTION

As Japanese women’s promotions continue to gain influence worldwide, joshi-inspired companies have begun popping up around the U.S. In this feature story, PWI helps explain the growing phenomenon

TEXT BY KAREN PETERSON

PHOTOS BY JORDAN WILLIAMS

[Maya Yukihi, a two-time former champion of the Ice Ribbon promotion, twists the limbs of COLOR’s leader SAKI. This meeting in Orlando marked the very first singles bout between the two.]

OVER EIGHT YEARS of working the Japanese independent circuit contemporaneously, Maya Yukihi and SAKI have crossed paths numerous times. With showcase matches at Pro Wrestling NOAH and All Japan Pro Wrestling, competing in Stardom’s 2023 Triangle Derby, and working at multiple women’s promotions in Japan, they’d never faced off in a one-on-one bout. However, that changed on October 14, at the Englewood Neighborhood Center in Orlando, Florida, where these world-renowned freelance wrestlers finally locked horns in a main-event singles match for the inaugural SPARK Joshi Atlantic championship. “We’ve wrestled plenty of times, but always in tag and three-person matches,” Yukihi said enthusiastically. “I didn’t expect this to happen in the united states!”

The North American scene, in particular, has seen a significant uptick in Japanese wrestlers exploring the international wrestling landscape with fly-ins for single commitments, while others gain notoriety by making frequent visits to various North American and European promotions. Showcase tournaments such as the Mae Young Classic and the success of Japanese stars in WWE and All Elite Wrestling have served as the gateway for many to begin exploring their options outside the big companies.

American independent promotions–GCW, Deadlock Pro, West Coast Pro, and Prestige Wrestling, to name a few–have showcased Japanese talent, further contributing to the interest and continued success of the Japanese women’s wrestling scene. Even legends including Chigusa Nagayo, Bull Nakano, and Manami Toyota have all worked with international promotions to help make joshi more accessible across the board.

[“If wrestling in Japan isn’t a goal, I would question your intentions as a wrestler.” Thus says Australia native KZT, seen here making good use of her jiu-jitsu skills against Kelsey Raegan.]

The diversity in the North American independent scene isn’t just minted to athletes from Japan, as many wrestlers have relocated to the United States to hone their craft or work in backstage capacities. While she competes for WOW Superheros as Exodus, works behind the scenes t a major American promotion, and frequents East Coast outfits including GCW and frequents East Coast outfits including GCW, and DPW, KZT is an Australia-born wrestler based in Orlando with a full plate and an even bigger bucket list. “Wrestling in Japan is an absolute goal of mine. If wrestling in Japan isn’t a goal, I would question your intentions as a wrestler,” KZT mused, looking back at a recent work trip to the country. 

When asked for her thoughts on being an Australian working in an American-based Japanese-inspired promotion in SPARK, she smiled. “It pretty much goes in line with who I am as a person,” explained KZT, who showed off her jiu-jitsu skills against Flordia mainstay Kelsey Raegan. “People always assume some things about me, but as soon as I open my mouth, they notice my Australian accent, and they find out things like I’m a black belt. I’ve never been one to fit in.”

For many wrestlers, making the journey to Japan–even for one single match–remains a bucket list item, as trying to find a foothold within the competitive market can be rather challenging. Founded in 2023, SPARK Joshi Puroresu of America is one of the latest showcase promotions to further expand opportunities for Women’s wrestling–and specifically, for wrestling on an international level.

The existence of Japanese-inspired wrestling promotions, such as Kitsune Women’s Wrestling and SPARK Joshi Puroresu of America, has inspired excitement among fans and wrestlers alike. These leagues provide another avenue for fans to experience Japanese wrestling without the international airfare; offer Japanese competitors chances to experience the international fan response while wrestling deserve opponents from around the world; and serve as a potential proving ground for talent interested in achieving the elusive dream of wrestling in Japan.

“When [SPARK] contacted me, I [realized] that this is something that I can bring my British skills to, plus what I learned in Japan. Said Xia Brookside, just prior to her title bout with SPARK Joshi Pacific champion Ram Kaichow. “And with all the talented women here, we can show an American audience what women wrestlers are made of.”

Brookside, a former member of the NXT U.K. roster, made her Japanese debut with Stardom at 18 years old. Now 25, the daughter of retired British grappler Robbie Brookside has completed five tours in Japan. Her most recent excursion was for the Triangle Derby in January 2023, when she completed as part of Mina Shirakawa’s unit, Club Venus.

[Maika Ozaki applies a camel clutch to Amber Nova during their encounter at RISING HEAT East.]

For Japanese natives performing outside of their home country, one of the biggest eye-openers tends to be the energy of the international crowd–especially how vocal fans are with their opinions and expressions. Typically, Japanese audiences don’t break into song, rounds of chanting, or candidly express their opinions. However, the overall positive energy is definitely not lost in translation. “Because we’re in America, I was curious what the atmosphere would be like,” confessed Miu Wantanaabe, a popular member of the TJPW roster who has only wrestled internationally a handful of times. “The fans know and love Japanese wrestling, so it made me so happy.” In her victory over IMPACT’s KiLynn King, Wantanabe put her strength and power to the test, refusing to let the language barrier impede her performance. 

One of the clear advantages of SPARK and similar promotions is the shared enthusiasm to pay homage to Japanese wrestling traditions, but to present them in a way that is more accessible to the non-Japanese speaking market. SPARK showrunner Chibi (C.B.) joins with inaugural SPARK Atlantic champion SAKI (founder of freelance group COLOR’S) to open and close each show with a self-produced, Japanese pop-inspired theme song called “ZA SUPAAKU” (“THE SPARK”).”I was able to come to the United States for the first time with the advent of SPARK Joshi,” SAKI told PWI, after defeating Maya Ykihi in the main event of RISING HEAT EAST in Orlando. “So, I want to do my best to help take the company to new highs.”

[Xia Brookside struggles to break free of Ram Kaichow’s grip during an unsuccessful bid for the SPARK Joshi Pacific title.]

[SAKI, as the newly crowned SPARK Joshi Atlantic champion, closed out RISING HEAT EAST on a high note.

MODERN MYTH PHOTOGRAPHY]

With the various women’s promotions in Japan opening their doors to more international wrestlers, promotions such as SPARK offer opportunities for American prospects to build rapport with potential future colleagues, while also gaining a career understanding of what they should expect when they touch down in Japan (should they choose to pursue that). “It’s a dream come true,” said Texas native Jessie Elaban. “I wanted to bring everything that I learned in Japan to the States.”

Elaban, who formerly competed for NXT under the name Jessi Kamea, also joined Mina Shirakawa’s Club Venus stable during a 2023 Stardom stint. In a conversation after the show, she seemed grateful for the dynamic new platform in SPARK. “I am having to make adjustments between Japanese and American styles,” admitted Elaban. “But I feel like I'm able to be more fluid with the new me.”

In addition to helping talent grow and prosper, proliferation of American international leagues is an obvious benefit for fans of exciting, athletic, and hard-hitting wrestling. Promotions such as SPARK and Kitsune–and Sukeban, which filmed a colorful TV pilot this past September in New York City–have captured the imaginations of those who stream joshi shows and covet chances to see their favorite ring performers mix it up in person.

With the global presence of joshi continuing to mount, the future is bright for women’s wrestling. And, with the ever-increasing interest in Japanese wrestling, forbidden doors are getting kicked open around the world.

[SPARK Joshi offered Florida wrestling enthusiasts appearances by Tokyo Joshi Pro standouts Miu Wantananbe (left, victorious over KiLynn King) and Miyu Yamashita (inset, landing a hard strike to Jessie Elaban.)

MODERN MYTH PHOTOGRAPHY]

[frostyjotuns]

I transcribed up Xavier’s monologue from Immortal X-Men #10 bc I’ve been obsessed for months 

Are you suspicious of me? I hope so.

After all, I have done much to be suspicious of. It is one of my ways of protecting everyone. People should be suspicious of me. Let me explain.

I am an idealist who experience has taught to be practical. It’s hard to hold onto an ideal when I know what they really think about us. About me.

We talk about “Xavier’s Dream.” Note the phrasing. It’s not “Xavier’s sensible and achievable policy.” It is not even “Xavier’s Five Year Plan.”

It’s a dream-- intangible, may as well be nothing. Dreams can be forgotten in the morning so easily. I did not form the X-Men to fulfill the dream. I created them to ensure there was a world where the dream-- any dream-- could come true.

Yes, “sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them.” But… protect it from who?

I am a father to many. In turn, I had many fathers. They were each, in their own way, terrible. Even the monster who killed me had a hand in my upbringing, in a failed, foolish attempt to buy himself immortality. Scott and I share Sinister as a meddling Foster Parent. We never talked about it, which is so like us both.

So many terrible fathers. I wished not to become any of them. I succeeded. I became a terrible father in my own way.

I try to dream a world where terrible fathers are gone. But it is, of course, a dream, and we have already talked of the nature of dreams.

“To me, my X-Men.” See what that implies? They are mine. I called them to me. So I choose who to call.

Between my gifts and Cerebro, I knew who was out there. I could have called anyone. The Morlocks, I left them in the tunnels. I ignored so many others who needed help but who I couldn’t save. Not yet. Instead?

Bobby: an ocean of talent, barely touched. Beast: a mutant gift chained to a genius that exceeded mine. Warren: a mutant gift married to wealth that exceeded my own. Jean: a prodigy beyond imagining.

And Scott… a mutant who had already been carved into what a team so badly needs… Then later, when I expanded the ranks?

A goddess with the honed skills of a thief. A trained circus acrobat. An ex-interpol agent… and, of course, let us not forget the black-ops killer. Even little kitty wasn’t a girl next door-- unless you lived next door to a precocious hacker of ludacris talent.

There were so many mutants out there… but I didn’t pick them. I gathered people who could do a job. To protect a world that hates and fears us. In what way do we primarily do that?

Many have noted that we spend most of our time fighting other mutants, confusing-- in the language of programmers-- feature for bug. This is why we exist.

I had a boy and he nearly destroyed the world with runaway thoughts. Moira’s child was a serial killer who could carve reality with his mind. When Jean Grey lost control, a planet burned. And these are weaknesses of character and fortune, not active planned malice.

I have looked at Sinister across the Quiet Council, and shuddered, thinking what he would choose to do if given complete freedom… and how I wish we hadn’t needed him to make our would-be paradise.

You’re starting to understand now. This is the awful truth.

When a child comes out to bigoted parents, it destroys lives. When Magneto came out as a mutant, he killed a whole town in his grief. Being a mutant shares traits with other persecuted groups, but it is unlike it in one key way.

We are dangerous.

They are right to be frightened. Imagine asking those Erik tore apart in his grief for little Anya whether or not we should be feared. I dare say there were mutant corpses in that town, too. We hurt our own. We hurt everyone. If there isn’t someone to stop that.

Look at the X-Men and understand they are born of fear for our worst potential and were my first line of defense in ensuring we do not kill ourselves. It has worked. The Earth beneath our feet is proof. But there is one key question you should ask…

Why do you think I was so worried about the potential of mutants with grandiose power? I have a mirror. I looked in it.

I have often thought how lucky it is that I was given my talents and Erik was given his. Know this with absolute certainty … If our places were switched and Erik had my gifts when he was at his absolute worst, there would be no humans left alive today.

Cerebro lets me find all mutants. In other words’ words, it lets me find all humans.

If I wanted, I could work through them all, placing a psychic trigger in each. A decade's work, perhaps? Most minds aren't difficult. One day, I’d be done.

And on that day, the entire human race would have woken up, walked over to the nearest sharp object and opened up their throats. Humanity would have bled out one bloody morning. And that's if I saw the world as Erik did then. Imagine if I were simply corrupt.

Emma thinks I manipulate this council, and she's right. But she also knows that if I chose, I could have done so in a far more brutal, direct and immoral way. As could she. The entire world could follow our whims and sometimes I wonder if I'm wrong not to do it.

Every time they act with some foolish, hateful policy, I know that I could have stopped it. I am complicit.

I have a secret. There will never be a nuclear war. If the Doomsday Clock ever hit midnight, all those warmongers' hands would hover over the red button… and find themselves incapable of pressing it. If one tried to bypass that, those who are trained to fire the missile would similarly halt in their tracks. There is a Psychic Block in place. I put it there to save the world from ourselves. Like I placed the x-men.

I did it with a thought. Are you petrified? Good. You see things as I do.

I am afraid of my own capabilities, because if you are not afraid of my capabilities, you are simply not thinking hard enough.

That's the thing to understand: Mutants have been victims, but I am not. I am never a victim. I choose to let them persecute me, because the alternative would be the death of us all. I am a martyr.

so I make people suspicious of me, so they are watching me, in case I turn to even shadowier paths, I hope I have succeeded. I am far from a perfect person… but we should all wake up every morning and be grateful that my power and skill is not in the hands of one who is even slightly worse than I am.

It would be a disaster neither species could survive.

[jackyzepam]

It almost feels cursed to have my brain because I do fall into the trap of thinking that I have grown apathetic towards existence itself, but that's not exactly true. I have grown hideously bored, not of reality itself, but of the fact that nothing stimulates me anymore. People are not interesting because human beings have ceased being a mystery to me. I don't meet anyone anymore that makes me wrack my brain to figure them out - a puzzle I used to enjoy solving to form the mosaic that is my social life. I thought everyone became dull but no, I've just become too... Im not sure if knowledgeable is even the word. It covers the basis of it, but it may impart an air of pretentiousness when I say it barely scratches the surface. I love people but I realize they're all made of the same elements in just a different combination. There's nobody I can't read. I will tell them basics of who they are and what they appear to struggle with to me, I will tell them what I imagine they could have potentially lived through and what haunts them, as well as where they want to go and what their strengths are. I will explain to them what they can't explain to themselves about themselves, I have a term at-the-ready for everyone. It may sound reductive but it's not. I wish it was. I wish they would tell me I'm wrong but I have yet to meet someone to tell me I've been wrong about them. It takes me one meeting. It's not even effort anymore. It used to be and now... Nobody has a glow anymore. Nobody has mystery. I just have what I like and dislike, tolerate and disapprove of, energizes or drains me... That's what my relationships feel they have been reduced to. I've used my intelligences against me. I've spent so long honing this skill to protect myself and now I've bored myself to death.

Whatever mistakes I commit with people are not from any ignorance, but simply for the sake of feeling something. The most people can surprise me with at this point is how they are in bed or what food they seem to have an unexplainable aversion towards. But then it's revealed, and again my mind will take a split second to add it to my data bank and expand on my psychoanalytic knowledge rather than my mosaic of relationships. So then it will all make sense, everyone will seem like an experiment rather than a person, my mind will be creating theories in the background and eureka moments will hit me at random times, and then the next person I meet will be less surprising than the last. Once I'm done pursuing my degrees, I will be letting go of psychology. I want to forget what I know. I want to stop understanding other people. I want to shut off my intelligences. I want to go back to being normal. I would do anything right now to be an average business student, to think that the real priority in life is just making money, that all life amounts to is saving up for your kids and that work-life balance is actually functional and that a 9-5 and unremarkable lifestyle is all that life is about... Such a life is one where you don't think. I don't want to think anymore. More specifically, I don't want to think critically anymore. For just one day I'd rather be an overthinker that worries about being on time to something or what others think of me or some other pathetic thing like that, than for me to be in the middle of a conversation about coffee syrups and have an epiphany about how sex solves our existential dread towards death philosophically because neurologically it's the only process that involves the sympathetic and the parasympathetic nervous systems at the same time. I don't want to theorize about how every last thing in this universe is based of the same mathematics so psychologically, consciousness is just a dimension in the fabric of the universe that we access through the brains biology, and we construct self as an aspect of access to that consciousness. I want to read a book and just find it cute that a woman is taking care of a man without seeing the greater anti-feminist implications. I want to see language and reality as one and the same, not separate where the former forms the latter in a subjective sense (since true reality cannot be perceived within the confines of our neuropsychology)... Essentially, I just want to stop being aware. I want to devolve from that capacity. It's too much, and with me it grows too exponentially. And these are just words anyone can read... But they're not words to me, they're my pathetic attempt at coherently expressing myself, expressing how I feel so helpless at the mercy of my fantastic yet astronomically burdensome mind... I just feel like I may die someday, my brain will simply fry itself, all the synapses will fire at once and fry me in the process, and you know what? Please, yes. Or at least fry it enough that I can see humans as humans again, not as things to pass the time with by either just studying or fucking them. It's not to say I don't care about others. Unfortunately I do. If I didn't it would make it easier for me to be this way, I wouldn't want to be like everybody else. And the ones I care about know I can't turn this thing off, but then there's just always a glass wall wherever I go. I'm in pain from the severe boredom that only seems to go away through sex or an interesting conversation. And I'm in pain from being behind the glass wall, where no one can actually touch me and make me feel like what is real is real.

[rufinadolkun]

Networking Starts from College: How to Expand Your Contacts and Opportunities

College life is a pivotal stage where academic pursuits intertwine with social interactions, laying the groundwork for future endeavours.

Beyond textbooks and lectures, the college environment offers a myriad of opportunities to cultivate meaningful relationships and broaden one's network. In this article, we'll explore strategies to maximise your networking potential during your college years.

1. Actively Participate in Activities

Activities Organised by the School:

College campuses buzz with an array of events and initiatives, ranging from orientation sessions to club fairs and academic symposiums. These gatherings serve as fertile ground for meeting new people and forging connections across various disciplines.  Embrace these opportunities, the first thing I learned is to step out of your comfort zone, engage with fellow students, and showcase your talents.

Enhancing Your College Experience:

Joining clubs and organisations related to your interests is akin to finding your tribe within the vast landscape of campus life. Whatever you're passionate about, there's likely a club that aligns with your values and aspirations. By actively participating in club activities, you'll not only deepen your knowledge in your chosen area but also cultivate lasting friendships with like-minded peers.

Exploring Opportunities Beyond the Campus:

Volunteering for community projects, securing internships, or taking on part-time jobs not only enrich your resume but also expand your social circle. Whether you're assisting at a local shelter or interning at a startup, these experiences offer invaluable opportunities to connect with professionals and peers outside the university bubble.

2. Communication and Exchange

Reach Out to People:

Effective networking begins with a willingness to initiate conversations and foster genuine connections. Don't be afraid to strike up a conversation with someone new or introduce yourself at events. Remember, every interaction is an opportunity to expand your network and learn from others' experiences.

Learn to Express Yourself:

Confidence in expressing your thoughts and ideas is a cornerstone of effective communication. Whether you're sharing your perspectives in a class discussion or pitching an innovative project to potential collaborators, owning your voice and opinions fosters mutual understanding and respect.

Effective Communication-Building Strong Connections:

Communication is a two-way street that requires both speaking and listening skills. Practise active listening, empathy, and non-verbal communication cues to enhance your interpersonal interactions. By honing these skills, you'll navigate social dynamics with finesse and build stronger connections with your peers.

3. Establish Good Interpersonal Relationships

Offer a Helping Hand:

Networking isn't just about what you can gain; it's also about what you can give. Offer assistance, support, and mentorship to your peers whenever possible. Acts of kindness and generosity not only strengthen existing relationships but also attract reciprocity, creating a positive cycle of networking.

Stay in Touch:

Maintaining connections beyond initial encounters is crucial for nurturing long-lasting relationships. Utilise social media platforms, email, or even traditional methods like handwritten notes to stay connected with your network. Regular check-ins and updates ensure that your connections remain vibrant and meaningful.

4. Personal Growth Journey

Elevating Your Academic Pursuits:

While networking extends beyond the classroom, academic excellence remains a cornerstone of personal growth and development. Dedicate time to mastering your chosen field of study, engaging with professors and peers, and pursuing intellectual curiosity. Academic achievements not only bolster your credibility but also attract peers who share your passion for learning.

Develop a Hobby:

Beyond academic pursuits, cultivating hobbies and interests adds depth to your personality and conversation repertoire. Whether you're an avid photographer, a budding musician, or a passionate traveller, sharing your hobbies with others fosters connections and creates common ground for meaningful interactions.

Level Up Your Social Skills:

Social aptitude is a skill that can be cultivated through practice and self-awareness. Take proactive steps to improve your communication style, conflict resolution skills, and emotional intelligence. By mastering the art of social interaction, you'll navigate networking events with ease and grace, leaving a lasting impression on those you meet.

Networking in college involves active engagement, effective communication, and genuine relationship-building. By participating in activities, honing communication skills, and investing in self-improvement, you'll build a strong network to support your growth beyond graduation. Seize college opportunities, and may your efforts lead to valuable connections and experiences.

[zainabk-grad604-51]

Week 1 SDL: Slides 7-10

For this activity, we had to answer questions from slides 7-10 of the class presentation.

Who am I as a designer?

I am someone who uses observation, research, and creativity to form ideas, develop them, and produce original design solutions.

What are the influences on me as a designer and where do they come from?

My main influences tend to be contextual and historical contexts, as well as existing designs from both renowned and smaller designers/studios.

How can I unpack the personal design ideologies that cultural shifts, ethics, and responsibility that impact my decision-making?

I unpack design ideologies by exploring different cultural/political perspectives, as understanding these perspectives allows one to understand existing decisions that have been made for existing designs. 

How might I expand my visual vocabulary by understanding the environmental, social, cultural, political contexts of my design influences?

I could expand my visual vocabulary by using observation to look into and dissect existing designs within local communities, especially as they are mainly inspired by the surrounding the culture, environment, and politics of the area.

Where do I stand in relation to my practice and what do I value?

In relation to my practice, I still have a long way to go to improve my skills as a designer. As a person, I value empathy, respect, and creativity, which I also apply to my practice.

What is the nature of my Communication Design practice and research?

My practice includes a lot of research, ideation, regeneration, critique, and development. Focusing on research specifically, a lot of contextual research is needed to understand why specific elements are used, as well as their purpose and impact.

How do my environmental, social, cultural, sub-cultural, political contexts and influences show up in my work?

Based on the project, I take elements that relate directly back to these contexts and visualise them within my work somehow. For example, one of our last projects was a book based on an old folktale. As my story was from the 19th century, I used textures and digital illustrations as I was influenced by older analog storybook illustrations,

What key themes, ideas and conversations are speaking in or through my work? 

In my illustration work I typically like to incorporate underlying social issues, personal themes, or I like to recreate the world around me in more original ways.

What specialist subject knowledge do I want my work to convey?

I want my work to be artistic, but also work as a functional design, as I am mainly illustration focused.

Are there specific techniques and crafts I want to hone within my practice?

I want to improve my typography and compositional skills, as I feel like they are still slightly lacking. 

Who are the local and global creatives, designers, illustrators, photographers that you want to connect with?

Local Auckland studios like Designworks and Studio Akin are inspiring, as they are graphic designers who work on big NZ brands, as well as smaller scale projects which include mainly branding and packaging.

What are the influences on them and what engages you in their work?

Their ability to be versatile and adapt to different projects while still being original is engaging to me, especially as they have a diverse range of clients.

In what (if any) ways as they collaborative and engaging communities?

They collaborate with the community by designing for local brands and organisations. For example, Studio Akin has designed signage, a website, and branding for a shopping centre in Henderson, Auckland, called The Boundary.

What impacts, concepts, thematics, and organising principles are at play in the creative practice?

Their work typically consists of simple illustrations, clean typography, and are overall modern and in tune with current design trends. However, each project still has its personal touches.

What excites you in the design and creative communities you are investigating? 

Seeing these designers’ work in public and in stores is very interesting, especially if it’s for a smaller company. This inspires as it could be me seeing my own work out in public one day.

Who would you want to share a meal with?

If I could share a meal with one designer, I would choose Paula Scher, as she is a revolutionary female graphic designer. Learning from her and hearing about her experiences would be very intruiging.

Who would you want to work with?

It would be interesting to work with Designworks, as they are local and one of the biggest studios in Auckland. Their work is also generally recognisable.

Who would you want to mentor you?

As I mentioned earlier, learning from Paula Scher would be a very interesting and rewarding experience.

[smikdrawsjunk]

SpookyTurtle posted:

Could we get an Extinction Event Fairy? Someone needs to manage the asteroids and ice ages, and maybe even curate the countless lost species.

So we're going to dip into the lore I've been working on for a work of fiction for this instead of sketching up a specific apocalyptic fairy, since one of the major plot points is that the fairies would have caused an extinction event themselves.

Fairies are immortal, and many are difficult to kill through conventional means. Not only is this a major problem in terms of overpopulation, but it's an even bigger problem after they've existed for too long as their equivalent of a brain stem -- the aspect of their being concerned with their continued existence -- begins to become malignant and starts take over. This aspect can eventually overtake the fairy's own consciousness, trapping them in their manifest form and growing like a cancer. If left unchecked their power and size will continue to grow, seeking to overtake and absorbing everything else into them.

All this is due to the manifestation of Death. Mortals need not worry about ever encountering the Grim Reaper mainly because they're extremely capable at dying all on their own without help, not even considering the number of other mortals all too willing to assist the eventual breakdown of their bodies. Fairies on the other hand know Death will eventually stalk them, so they've become exceptionally good at hiding. The older they get, the more resources they pour into evading the spectre of Death that is constantly tracking them after their time has come.

Interestingly it is the fairies of the Seelie Courts that are the most likely to cause an extinction event due to their general distaste for bloodshed, as old fairies are more likely to try to just expand their influence as much as possible and attempt to weather Death through mass; fairies of the Unseelie Courts prefer to hone their combative skills and meet Death head-on. This focus on building mass causes more of their essence to be focused on managing and growing their form, and thus their 'brain stem equivalent' warps and becomes cancerous, taking over their manifest. Unlike a regular cancerous growth, this uncontrolled growth does not impede vital functions but if left unchecked could engulf the entire Fairylands and beyond.

As fairies are loathe to fight each other directly, they will employ mortals and gift them with either the means or the knowledge of how to end one of their problematic brethren.

In the story I'm working on a faction aligned with the Third Court known as "The Department of Change" takes matters into its own hands to keep things from spiralling out of control, and the protagonists find themselves working for said Department. I had at one time worked on a game where you controlled a group of unrelated heroes trying to kill an extinction fairy by travelling inside its manifest that appeared as a dungeon. The "Character Selection" icon was a butterfly and the reveal would have been that it was the consciousness of the fairy itself, desperately reaching out to find people to kill it.

Also it's based off the brain stem.

[grad604leahwilton]

week one tutorial/lecture

Reflection on Presentation:

It was interesting seeing their approach towards the project focusing on the social impact and the research around the topic before creating a final design output. Not just focusing on the design and what it looks like but the message and connection to people it holds. Expanding their research beyond a google search or just statistics - and talking/interviewing their peers or people they look up to making it more personable. Allowing the design work to be made organically by the people they interviewed was also really nice and a good way to connect to the theme. Overall what I got out of their presentation on their work was that the entire process doesn’t always have to be on the final design work and how it looks but more the research on the topic and really understanding the issue or theme wanting to be explored and the final design work will come organically by the end.

Creatives That Influence Me

Designers, Photographers, Illustrators + Creatives Previously Unavailable Marx Design One Design Curious Studios Sea Change Studio South Studio AKIN Clemenger BBDO Laura Reid Photography Andreea Robescu Jasmine Dowling Assouline Frankie Magazine

QUESTIONARE

THE CREATIVE

Who am I as a designer?

As I designer I would describe myself as a realist and logical thinker. I enjoy minimalistic approaches that carry a lot of impact in my design work. I like to problem solve and find new ways of communicating new and existing ideas or issues.

What are the influences on me as a designer and where do they come from?

Fashion / beauty / lifestyle - Working amongst retail brands in those realms influence my design aesthetic and output - things like packaging + marketing + textile design. Tv/Film (Pop culture). Travel - geography. Film photography in particular capturing candid moments.

How can I unpack the personal design ideologies that cultural shifts ,ethics, and responsibility that impact my decision-making?

Observe what interests me and sparks enjoyment or curiosity. And asking myself what do I value and apply when thinking/making creatively. Acknowledge my environment and who surrounds me and how that has had/ could have an influence on those aspects.

How might I expand my visual vocabulary by understanding the environmental, social, cultural, political contexts of my design influences?

By exploring and being curious. And making connections/networking to realise and explore new perspectives and skills and becoming apart of a community that I align to.

Where do I stand in relation to my practice and what do I value?

I value communication and honesty. I enjoy finding ways to communicate messages that can’t be spoken. Finding ways to resinate with others in a way that is creative and impactful through creative outlets. I am practical and logical thinker that want’s to problem solve and find good solutions to help others succeed and express their ideas or purpose.

THE CREATION

What is the nature of my Communication Design practice and research?

Thinking practically, logically, and empathetically.

How do my environmental, social, cultural, sub-cultural, political contexts and influences show up in my work?

In the language I use, the messages I want to express.

What key themes, ideas and conversations are speaking in or through my work?

Connection + bringing people together. Understanding. Creativity.

What specialist subject knowledge do I want my work to convey?

Typographic approaches. Minimalistic design style. 

Are there specific techniques and crafts I want to hone within my practice?

Campaign design. Social awareness and community based.

THE CREATIVE COMMUNITIES 

Who are the local and global creatives, designers, illustrators, photographers that you want to connect with?

I am mainly inspired by design agencies as I value community and team work. Ability to build off different ideas and help provide impactful design for businesses or communities.

Locally:

Curious Design, McCarthy Studios, Marx Design, Previously Unavailable, Hannah Design Studio, AKIN, Clemenger BBDO, ONE design, Blink Boys, Milk Design, Design Dairy, Unordinary Design, Studio Narrative, White Rabbit

Globally:

Colour Club, Squad Ink, Ras (Spotify Head Of Design),

What are the influences on them and what engages you in their work?

Most of the design agencies I selected inspired and influence me because of their values and way of thinking and creating unique and compelling brands and design work that engages customer/consumers in a robust and on evolving way. They all work practically while stepping out of the box to think differently and find a point of difference in a sometimes mundane world of design.

In what (if any) ways as they collaborative and engaging communities?

What impacts, concepts, thematics, and organising principles are at play in the creative practice?

Really understanding their audiences –

[impalementation]

spike, angel, buffy & romanticism: part 1

I said a long ways back that I thought the switch from Angel to Spike as Buffy’s primary love interest represented an interesting evolution in the show’s attitude towards—and interrogation of—romanticism, and I finally felt like expanding on what I meant by that. This is very long, very meandering, and not terribly academic or well-edited, but I hope there’s something of interest in it nonetheless. It is about 20,000 words in total, and will discuss, in more or less chronological order, the arc of the show’s attitude towards romanticism as it is embodied in Spike, Angel, Buffy and Buffy’s relationships with both of them. I was going to release it as one long post, but because it’s so long, I figured a series of posts might be more readable. Here’s the first one.

* 

“When you kiss me I want to die”: Angel and the high school seasons

Both Spike and Angel are at once capital-R Romantic figures, and lower-case romantic interests, and in both cases that Romantic/romantic duality is what makes them such effective avatars for ideas around romanticism. In the case of Angel, the show is aware from the beginning that he is very much a Romantic idea of something. In “Welcome to the Hellmouth” Buffy describes him as “dark” and “gorgeous”, evoking the “tall, dark and handsome” cliche. He’s mysterious. He gives her a necklace and his coat, gestures out of high school romance fiction.* In “Out of Mind, Out of Sight” Giles lampshades the romance of him: “A vampire in love with a Slayer. It’s rather poetic, in a maudlin sort of way.” Initially, Angel is basically designed to be a teenage girl fantasy, and it’s no coincidence that his successors like Edward Cullen or Stefan Salvatore conform to similar tropes.

*(Think of how five seasons later, a vampire will give Dawn his letterman jacket in “All the Way”. It’s hard not to read as a deliberate echo of Angel’s gift in season one. Once again, a vampire makes romantic gestures towards a high school version of “Buffy”, and later turns on her. But more on this much later in the series.)

The difference between Angel and those other, more typical Supernatural Romance love interests however, is that the show ultimately attempts to subvert the romance of him. As part of its commentary on Gothic themes, season two makes Angel more Romantic than ever (the Claddagh, the tormented past), and makes the romance between him and Buffy central to the story in a way it wasn’t in season one. And then, of course, the season tears it all apart. The first time we learn what Angel did to Drusilla it’s horrifying, but still somehow abstract. Something that seems more like it’s meant to contribute to Angel’s dangerous, Byronic image. As in, something to make him more Romantic. And then suddenly it becomes real. Suddenly, it’s something that Angel could do to Buffy, or the people Buffy cares about. It turns out that his darkly romantic aura was not just an aura, but genuinely dark all along.

In turn, Angel’s devastating transformation is a metaphor for broader disillusionment about romantic ideas. It’s less to me about a “guy going bad after sex”, and more about what it means and feels like to have the scales fall from one’s eyes in that sort of situation. As Buffy copes with the fallout of Angel’s transformation, and later is forced to kill him, I see it as being about the tragedy of having to see the world in ways that are less simple, easy, or pretty as one gets older. As Buffy and Giles say in “Lie To Me”:

BUFFY: Nothing's ever simple anymore. I'm constantly trying to work it out. Who to love or hate. Who to trust. It's just, like, the more I know, the more confused I get. 

GILES: I believe that's called growing up. 

For more on this, I recommend this livejournal post on “Lie To Me”, which goes into great depth on the way season two frames stories as pretty lies that one needs to look beneath, and how Buffy’s romanticization of Angel symbolizes that.

The whole arc of the season is Buffy’s failure to see the danger presented by Angel. In this opening scene that danger is foreshadowed. More to the point for this essay, Angel goes on to lie to Buffy about having encountered Drusilla. He doesn’t want Buffy to know about the nature of Angelus – which means that his first inclination is to mask the danger he presents to Buffy. This is one episode after Halloween, where Buffy’s romantic fantasies about what Angel wants (a damsel) nearly get her killed. Nor is she completely over those fantasies, as she notes that the mystery woman talking to Angel had a pretty old-fashioned dress. So against the backdrop of Buffy’s fantasies about her dark and mysterious boyfriend we have the truth about what he is, which is quite horrifying.

Season three then takes this to another level, by not just pointing out the darkness of the romance of Angel, but in fact puncturing his romantic image. Instead of emphasizing his dangerousness, as season two did, season three emphasizes his adulthood. It emphasizes the way that Angel is someone Buffy sees in secret, or away from her friends. He’s not integrated with her teenage, high school life, and doesn’t fit with the peppy, high school movie aesthetic that characterizes a lot of season three. By doing this, the writing indicates that at this point in their lives, Buffy and Angel are ultimately incompatible and holding each other back. Regardless of however much they might care for each other, Angel can’t fully appreciate her teenage longings like dances, and college, and having a boyfriend. And Buffy can’t fully appreciate his adult need to find himself on his own terms. By the end of season three, Angel is less of a shadowy, tragic figure, and more just an adult man who needs to finally grow up a bit.

Season three also starts making jokes where the punchline is that Angel isn’t living up to the romantic aesthetic he embodied in seasons one and two. In “Helpless”, for example, he and Buffy have an exchange where he waxes sincerely about wanting to “keep [her heart] safe, to warm it with [his own]” and although Buffy says the sentiment is beautiful, a second later she deadpans: “Or taken literally, incredibly gross.” To which Angel replies, “I was just thinking that, too.” Or in “Graduation Day, Part 1”, Angel trips on a doorway instead of making a silent entrance and Buffy again deadpans: “Stealthy.” Angel’s romance slips at moments when Buffy herself is feeling weak, either because she has lost her Slayer powers, or she’s investigating the scene of her sister Slayer’s crime. Her Romantic Slayer half is betraying her, and her romantic girlish half is feeling insecure. This is echoed by the reminder that Angel is no longer a straightforward fantasy man--or a terrifying, larger-than-life villain--but a guy who is sometimes both verbally and physically inelegant. 

(Notice how one of the few times season two makes similar jokes about Angel it’s in “Lie to Me”, the very same episode that begins to peel off the layers of deceptions and unknowns about him. Angel slumps around Willow’s bedroom and jokes about “honing [his] brooding skills”, he insists that the vampire wannabes know nothing about vampires right before a guy walks by wearing his exact outfit, and Xander runs color commentary, saying “you’re not wrong” after each of Ford’s observations. In “Lie to Me” one of Angel’s hidden faces is his dangerousness, yes. But another hidden face is simply his human awkwardness.)

There’s an interesting Slayage piece by Elizabeth Gilliland that discusses the idea of Angel as a Gothic double for Buffy, specifically connecting him to the story of Jekyll and Hyde. It argues that Angel’s split identities represent Buffy’s fears that her human and Slayer halves are irreconcilable, and she cannot fully control either half. In season three, the fact that Buffy and Angel must continuously resist a loss of control with each other, and are treated as romantically incompatible, reflects this fear. 

In Season Three, replete with various factors in Buffy’s life that threaten to put her role as Slayer and girl into imbalance once more [...] Angel once again returns [...]. The season culminates in an attempted attack on Buffy’s classmates during graduation, which essentially forces her to “out” herself to her community and combine her roles as Slayer and daughter, classmate, and friend for the first time publicly (“Graduation Day: Part 2” 3.22). The worst has happened: her secret has been revealed, the entire school knows about both of her personas, and she has not only survived, but emerged with a stronger sense of self [...] Buffy has conquered her first Gothic fear, and proven to herself that she can not only exercise control over both dualities of her persona, but allow them to peacefully co-exist. Thus, Angel’s continuing struggle with Angelus can no longer act as her shadow, and he literally and metaphorically leaves her to continue the rest of her journey.

It’s an interpretation I mostly agree with, and see a lot of evidence for. But in keeping with the focus of this series, I think you could also read Angel as embodying a duality between the romantic and the unromantic. In this view, Buffy’s struggle between her human and her Slayer halves is not just a struggle between personas, but a struggle to see the world correctly. In season one, it’s not Angel that revives Buffy in “Prophecy Girl”, because Angel is a vampire trope just like the Master. He cannot help her, because he is exactly the kind of traditional romantic concept--like a candle-lit cavern, an ancient Nosferatu-looking vampire, or a Chosen Hero duty--that Buffy is trying to escape. In season two, loss of control is specifically associated with passion, romance, and romanticism. Buffy’s human half longs for the romantic, but her Slayer half, and Angel’s vampire half, prove that sometimes the romantic is something dangerous and violent. The fact that Buffy’s Slayer identity and Angel’s Angelus identity both end up being outed by the end of the season (especially to Joyce, a figure of Buffy’s human home life), echoes Buffy’s loss of innocence. Season three then continues this suspicion of passion. Buffy fears that like Faith, enjoying the violence and power and desire of being a Slayer, means that she will go down a dark path. She also fears that indulging in her sexual and romantic desire for Angel will unleash Angelus. To some extent, these fears are even borne out, given that her love for Angel results in her attempted murder of Faith, and near death at Angel’s hands. But to some extent they also aren’t, given that she, Faith and Angel all live. 

To me, what really gets resolved at the end of season three is not quite the issue of Buffy’s human and Slayer halves, given that Buffy will continue to struggle with that duality until the end of the show. Rather, what gets resolved is the need for binaries. Binaries are romantic things. When Giles gives his speech to Buffy at the end of “Lie To Me”, it is the language of binaries that he uses:

GILES: Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after. 

BUFFY: Liar.

In season three, Buffy thinks she must resist both Faith and Angel. She thinks she can only be either a human girl or a Slayer leader. Many plots in season three have to do with the danger of binaries, whether that’s the witch-hunting parents in “Gingerbread”, Willow dealing with her vampire self in “Doppelgangland”, the various alter-egos in “Beauty and the Beasts”, or Cordy choosing a Buffy-less world in “The Wish”. And no character in the Buffyverse embodies the concept of binaries so starkly as Angel does. Thus by the end of season three, Buffy collapses the binaries within herself by merging the human and Slayer parts of her life, as Gilliland observes, and taking on Faith’s traits. She acknowledges her shadow by kissing her tenderly on the forehead, and bids farewell to the illusions and binaries that Angel embodies. Buffy is leaving that part of her life behind, and starting a new chapter where she can no longer split either the world, or herself, into any one thing or another.

part 2: “Love isn’t brains, children”: Enter Spike as the id

[kiingocreative]

The Structure of Story is now available! Check it out on Amazon, via the link in our bio, or at https://kiingo.co/book

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There are some buzz words everywhere and, in the writing world, and it feels to me like ‘journaling’ is one of them. It’s something everyone seems to be doing.

It took me a while to build a journaling habit, and I wouldn’t say I’m quite there yet with my Journaling discipline, but whatever experience I’ve had with it has been incredibly beneficial.

What’s Journaling?

Back to the old trusted dictionary! Journaling is defined as:

To write in a journal or diary.

Simple, right?

For those of you with a penchant for etymology and random fun facts, the word ‘journal’ comes from the Latin ‘diurnalis’, or ‘diurnus’, meaning ‘daily’. In late Middle English, a journal originally referred to a book containing the appointed times of daily prayers. (If you use this as an ice-breaker at your next dinner party, please let me know!)

Nowadays, journaling is a lot more about keeping track of one’s praying schedule, and much more about recording one’s thoughts in an informal, free-flowing, stream-of-consciousness manner.

It’ll take different forms for different people, and the great thing about it is that (in my view) there isn’t a right or wrong way to journal. The only right way to do it is the way that feels right to you. As with any form of writing, craft or art in general, it’s all about individual preference, and highly subjective. And because Journaling is generally something that remains personal and private, you can do whatever the heck you want with it.

Pretty great, isn’t it?

Why Journaling is Good For You.

Based on my own experience, I’ve found a few benefits to journaling:

Pressure-free writing.

I’ve found that Journaling, because it follows no set rule and isn’t meant to be shared, is a great chance to write without any pressure. To write just because you want to write, with no other agenda than indulging in your love of putting words together on a page.

To me, writing without an outcome in mind is always liberating. It’s a chance to reconnect with your craft in way you might not if there was a clear purpose to it, like writing a book due to be published or a blog article meant to be posted online.

Experiment with your writing.

Journaling is also the perfect format to experiment with your writing, and try your hand at something new. Maybe you normally write fiction, and Journaling is a chance to give poetry a go. Maybe you generally blog, and your journal can start hosting plots and ideas for a novel, regardless of what you make of it later. Maybe you’ll want to try writing exercises—like jotting down ideas from a prompt or in a specific style. Or you could start recording dreams and memories you can remember.

Discomfort is where we grow, so putting yourself in those situations regularly is a great opportunity to expand your writing abilities and hone your skills. Who knows, there may be writing gold in there somewhere!

Never forget an idea.

I don’t know about you, but I often get ideas for my writing and beyond at the most inconvenient moments—in the shower, whilst cooking, doing the dishes, or picking up dog poop (I know, oh the glamour of a writer’s life!). I always think that I’ll remember these, but the truth is, most of them get forgotten, never to be retrieved again from the confines of my mind.

Journaling is a great way never to lose sight of an idea. My Journaling involves a lot of notes about random ideas I have for a plot, a story, a post, or life activities in general. They serve as inspiration for the future. Writing them down helps me rest assured that I can go back to that list and explore it later, whenever convenient.

Free your mind &notice trends.

One of the most important things I’ve notice happen when I journal, is that it helps me empty my mind fro ma lot of the never-ending thinking loops I tend to fall victim to. By putting thoughts down on paper, I’m able to see them more clearly, and my brain finally feels like it no longer needs to hold onto them. Jotting things down is a great way to break your pattern of thinking (or, if you’re like me, obsessing) and to allow yourself time to take a step back and look at the big picture.

Whether it’s something you’re stuck on in your writing, or in your life in general, journaling on it is powerful, especially if you do it regularly. Not only will you create more space in your mind for better and brighter things—say, your next brilliant writing idea!—but it’ll also give you a chance to notice trends and recurring themes. And that’s a great way to build awareness about your own patterns of behaviour, and start eradicating your most negative or toxic thinking habits.

Keep a record.

Performance coach Tony Robbins (yes, him again! What can I say, I’m a huge fan) says that ‘if your life is worth living it’s worth recording’. I couldn’t agree more. Journaling gives you a chance to be your own life historian. To keep track of where you’ve been and how far you’ve gone. To look back on those day-to-day accomplishments that may look minute at the time but all add up to something big and wonderful in the end.

Looking at your own existence and experience as something that’s worth keeping a record of also sends your subconscious mind a clear message: that’s you’re worthy. You’re enough. Every moment of your life has an impact, the good and the bad, and helps mould who you become.

I’d say there are few more powerful truths to embrace in your lifetime!

Getting Started with Journaling.

That’s all well and good, you might say, but where do I start?

Fear not, my friend, here are some suggestions to get you started.

1. Set a schedule — If you don’t make time for it, chances are it won’t happen, because life has a habit of getting in the way. Identify a time that works best for you—whether that’s morning, midday, evening etc.—and schedule it in your calendar, setting a reminder so you don’t forget about it. If finding time daily feels daunting or unrealistic, why not start with once a week, or a couple of times a week?

2. Make it a habit — Stick to it! Whether it comes naturally or not, be disciplined about it. Embrace whatever comes, both the joys and the discomfort of it. Set yourself a goal—every day for a week, every other day for a month etc.—and sit with it for the entire duration you committed to.

3. Set a timer — Journaling doesn’t have to take a lot of time. I tend to journal for about ten minutes at a time on average, sometimes less and sometimes more. If you’re unsure what duration to start with, set a timer for ten minutes and see what comes up.

4. Let it flow — As I mentioned above, Journaling may or may not feel natural at first. It may feel great or it may feel uncomfortable. Whatever comes up for you, let it flow. Why not journal about the sensations and feelings the experience of journaling brings up? It may end up being one thing one day and something altogether different the next. Whatever it is for you at any given time is what’s right. Be open-minded, remember this is unique and personal, and no one—not even you—should ever judge it.

The Power of Rituals.

If you’re still unsure about the value of journaling, or about getting started with it, let me say this one final thing: the most important piece of the puzzle, as with anything else you do, is defining your ‘why’—i.e. the reasons behind your decision to start (or continue) journaling. Ask yourself:

Why do you want to start journaling?

Why is it important to you?

How do you think it’ll make you feel? How do you want it to make you feel?

What difference do you think it’ll make to you, to your life, to your writing?

Clearly defining your ‘why’ and your intentions will help you maintain the habit. More importantly, understanding the value this holds to you will take journaling from a mere habit—which can feel like a chore—to a ritual of self-care. That’s the difference between doing it because you think it’s cool, or because everyone is doing it, or because you think you should do it, and doing it because you know for a fact, in your core, that this will make you and your writing better and stronger.

This will go a long way in making it more enjoyable. It’ll help you build rituals around it that are nurturing and caring. Get yourself to acknowledge why it’s good for you and why it’s pleasurable, and then set up the environment to make your journaling time feel like an absolute treat. Maybe that’s setting the scene in the room where you journal with a candle or some background music. Maybe that’s selecting a nice notebook if you’re doing this by hand, or picking your favourite writing spot, at home or beyond.

Eventually, these will all act as triggers to get you into the right journaling mindset whenever you’re sitting down for it.

And if you’re not quite sure what that all looks like for you… Well. Isn’t that a great topic to start journaling about?