#online i usually just say 'my sister'/only bring up one bc she's more in the same spaces i am (direct influence.) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lunaekalenda · 3 years

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Hi! Can I request a Jean x Reader fic where reader is Marco's beloved little sister and basically follows the "Im in love with my brother's best friend" trope? And Reader doesn't do anything about it because she thinks Jean only sees her as a little sister (bc that's what he always says) but Jean is madly in love with her too? And hw never says anything until she does something really reckless. (Any Au is okay :) )

omg yes yes!! of course! i hope you like it! 💖 sorry for the waiting, anon!

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❁ jean x reader!

❁ modern au!

❁ all are college students (age +18), mention of alcohol, food.

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"Y/N, I'm leaving!" Marco was at the door, putting on his shoes. You nod while you look at your big brother, a smile on his mouth when he sees your eyes from behind the kitchen's door, eating some doritos. "Oh, Jean is coming for dinner." You almost choke. You cough and Marco looks at you. "Y/n?"

"The dorito was spicy, sorry." Jean Kirstein is coming to have dinner at your home. Jean is Marco's best friend since the two of them wore diapers. Marco laughs.

“I told you they were spicy. Well, I'll go now, I’m late! Don’t worry about dinner, I’ll cook once we arrive home!”

You don’t like cooking, but you like even less to be alone with Jean while Marco is occupied. Marco never wants you or him to help, which means you’ll be alone with Jean when he cooks. You remembered your room was a mess and your makeup is in the main bathroom. You run to go and order things a bit, just in case Jean needs to use the bathroom and sees all your makeup around. You also entered your room and got changed, using a pretty outfit based in pastel pink clothes.

Jean is just a couple years older than you, but he thinks about you as his little sister, or so does he say. After all, he and Marco are like brothers, so that makes you her "fake lil-sis." You're tired of that sentence. Of that "How's my sis today?". You want him to look at you like a girl, someone to fall in love with. Not someone to apply a fake blood rule. Marco trains football until 8 p.m, so you have exactly an hour to get all clean. Even when you and Marco are really tidy people, it’s impossible to keep all the things in their places. You’re sitting on your bed, moving your legs with nervousness, when you hear the boys entering home.

“We’re back!” Marco yells. You prepare yourself for acting as nothing happens while you go down stairs. Your brother is taking out his shoes and giving his friend house slippers.

“Hi, welcome.” Your voice comes out more shy than you’ve expected. Jean looks up, his hazel eyes looking directly at yours. You feel your legs weak when he smiles.

“Hi, y/n!” he says. For your luck, you hear another voice.

“Is y/n here?” Connie’s voice is listened behind Marco.

“She lives here, idiot.” Jean comes in and you look how his tall body is now positioned near yours. Connie smiles and runs toward you, his arm around your shoulders.

“Jean, sometimes people go and spend nights out with friends, specially if you’re coming.” The boy clicks his tongue. “Long time no see, bestie.” You laugh. It’s true that Connie is one of your best friends, he’s in your math group, and his outgoing personality made him became one of your best friends really quick, and also Marco’s.

"You're having dinner here?" Connie shakes his head.

"Nah. Today I cook on the shared flat, I don't want to leave Sasha without dinner or she'll eat my chocolate reserves. I just came to steal a couple beers to Marco." Marco points the fridge with his index. Connie laughs. "Bro, I know where your fridge is, but thanks anyway."

They have a trust in each other that you envy, is so natural for them to visit the others' houses, and they're comfortable with it. As you're comfortable with them hanging around your house, seeing Marco so happy. Jean crosses his arms, his arm touching yours for a second. Your braincells disconnect from your body and you enter in a kinda of Jean repetitive thoughts. Connie sits on your sofa, opening a beer.

"Well, I'll go and make some pasta. You guys can play there." Connie takes the remotes, giving one to Jean and another to you.

"Marco, you should play with them." you say. "I'll cook."

"Don't worry! I beat their asses every day, now it's your turn to do the same." he says, entering the kitchen. You sigh, taking the remote. They put a shooter. You sit in the middle of your sofa, giving space to Jean to sit near Connie.

"Fuck, I'm so bad at this..." You say. Even knowing is a cooperative game against zombies, you're always the first one to die. Jean laughs quietly, before sitting next to you. His leg collides with yours in a jokingly way.

"I'll protect you." he says. You know he's talking about the game, but you can't help and start daydreaming about him and you, how his long fingers will take your hand and pull you to his chest, whispering those words on...

"Oi, Jean, you're not that good to protect her! Zombies will kill you two unless I protect you both!"

"Connie you suck at this game." Jean defends himself.

"I'm sure Y/N prefers me to protect her. Or do you prefer Jean?"

He's dead man. He knows perfectly what do you feel. He knows you like Jean a lot, and he has been trying to make you confess. Jean looks at you, his sweet gaze fixed on your eyes. Yo look down.

"I think I can handle it by myself." Connie laughs and Jean roasts him. The game starts. You watch how Jean's fingers change quickly between all the buttons: pressing, touching, moving. You look again to the TV, blushed. You shouldn't be thinking this things. Concentrate in the game, Y/N. Concentrate. The game goes strangly well, the three of you comunicate your plans easily to the others, and it all goes well. Jean rests his back against the sofa, making his t-shirt go out a bit and his sport shorts tighten around his worked body. You can't take your eyes out. You blush again and you feel how your remote vibrates, indicating you're being eat by a zombie. Connie sighs and Jean looks at the screen.

"Fuck, Y/N, sorry." he says. You clear your throat and shake your head.

"I was distracted, sorry." Connie smiles.

"What distracted you, bestie?" he asks. You're going to kill him. You don't answer, getting up and asking what do they want to drink. Jean asks for a glass of water and Connie asks if you could bring something to eat, even when he has to leave in ten minutes. You give Jean his glass and Connie some chips.

"Thank you, bestie." he says. You look at him, faking a smile.

"Eat and be silent for a while, bestie." he nods and eats. Even knowing you're joking, he doesn't say anything for a bit. He's concentrated in the game, as Jean is. You go to the kitchen and ask Marco if he needs soemthing. He shakes his head, preparing the sauce for the spaghetti.

"Weren't you playing?" he asks. You nod.

"Yep. I died." he smiles. Marco's smile is the most bright and beautiful smile you ever seen. You wanted to have a smile like his, but you only have his same eyes and freckles. He looks at you.

"Go, go. Don't leave my guests alone!" you nod and went back again to the living room. The game is finished, with Connie and Jean's stadistics in the screen.

"Look, bunny!" he says "I was the better one to protect you!". It's true that Jean's stadistics are better than Connie's.

"Oi, Kirstein, you're just a bit better... It was luck." he says. He looks the hour on his glass and gets up. "Well, I'll go home now. It was a pleasure." he says. You accompany him to the door. "I wish you luck, bestie. I'm sure you need it." You punch playfully Connie's shoulder before hugging him. "And, mark my words: He's just waiting." Then, he leaves, without giving you the opportunity to ask what the heck he meant by that. You head back to the living room, where Jean is sitting on the sofa. His sweater is on a near chair. It's so big and looks so comfortable...

"Do you want to play more?" you ask. Jean looks at you while you sit, giving him space. He smiles.

"Why not! Do you want me to teach you how to play this one?" he takes a open world game. You know he's really good at them. Marco, Jean and Eren usually play online every saturday, and they want you to join their team, but you haven't played that much. You nod. "Okay, let me..." He moves near to you. He takes the controller and gives one to you, keeping him the other. He enters the game. "Well, choose a character, bunny."

He has been calling you bunny since he discovered how much you like bunnies. They're so fluffy and beautiful, you like them. You have one, called "Wink", because he has a genetic problem that makes him wink one of his beautiful eyes. He was about to be sacrificed because of that, but you saved him in the last moment. He's now a happy bunny with a curious talent. You doesn't dislike the pet name Jean gave you years ago, but it makes him sound like he's calling you a really affectionate nickname.

You go back to reality and choose a cute little girl using a big hat. He chooses a near character and clicks play. "Okay. This is the main city, so now you have to climb here to unlock the map..." he explains you for a while, and you follow his character. Sometimes, when he moves his leg, his knee collides with yours. Now, you're totally stuck in a level.

"Jean, how do I...?" he looks at your character, stuck between two walls.

"Can I?" he puts his hands near your controller and, when you're about to give it to him, he puts his big hands on top of yours, covering them. His fingers pressed lightly against yours. You look at him, but he has his eyes fixed on the screen, as he moves your fingers with his. “You have to move like this, silly...” he says. But you can’t concentrate in anything more than his scent near you, the warmth his body irradiates and his fingers pressing yours sweetly. You feel how your heart speeds up it's beat.

"Y/N!" Marco yells. "Can you take the garbage to the container, please?" he asks. You yell yes in response, getting away from Jean's body. You get up fast. He does the same, suddenly kinda uncomfortable.

"I'll accompany you, bunny." he says. You nod, taking the garbage bag. Jean follows you silently. The container is not far from your house, just a couple crosswalks. You take the bag and start walking. It's dark now, and the street is really quiet. Just your steps and Jean's can be heard. He follows you keeping a distance, his long legs making short steps. "The night is beautiful today." he says. You nod in response. You look at both sides before crossing the street.

"Maybe a little bit cold." you say. He quickens the pace to be near to you. The sweater he took from the chair is around his waist, so he takes it and puts it on your shoulders.

"Use it. I'll take the bag." he says. You murmur a little "thanks" while putting his sweater on. It smells like him. You try to take the bag from his hands back, but he moves. "Jean, give me back the trash." He smiles playfully.

"Take it from me, bunny." he jokes. His long arms move the bag, avoiding you to take it. He's playing near the road, so if you go around him and surprise him from the road, you can take it. That's why you go down to the road, without looking and without noticing a car that is coming fast towards you. The car lights were really low, and that didn't make you realize it was coming. But now, now that Jean yelled your name and the car beeped, you realize you're about to be hitted by it.

You can't move, your body is totally paralyzed. You knew the car was trying to stop, but the high velocity it got is impossible to stop. You thought you'll feel a hard hit, but you felt a soft thing around you.

Jean's body is around yours when you find you two on the street. It takes you a couple seconds to realize what happened.

"Jean, Jean, Jean." you move him. Got he hit by the car? Did he put his body between yours and the car? He looks at you, his eyes searching your gaze.

"Are you okay?" he asks. You nod while he gets up, helping you to fo the same.

"And you? Did it hit you?" He shakes his head.

"I just pulled you against me, that's why we were on the floor." He explains. "None of us got hit. But you have to be more careful, what could have happened to you if I wasn't here? You coul... Y/N?" he asks. Tears are running down your tears. He takes you in a hug, his big and warm body protecting yours.

"Sorry." You say. You feel how he caresses you hair.

"You scared me. I thought the car was going to hit you. Be more careful." You nod. You try to make a joke, to make things more comfortable.

"You're really a good fake brother."

"That's what you think of me?" he asks. Isn't that what he wants you to think? Isn't he the one calling you sis? His hands explore a bit your body, with long caresses from your neck to your low back. His long fingers running slow on your skin.

"That's what you think of me" you answer. He clicks his tongue.

"You never showed any interest in me. I gave up and treated you like a sister. That's what you wanted, no?" You wanted to look at him, but he doesn't let you, pressing your head soflty against his chest.

"I was in love with you, Jean. But you came home and tell my brother how good Mikasa looked and «How are you, little sister?». What I was supossed to do? Compete with an older girl? Make you realize I'm not your little sister?"

He doesn't say nothing for a while. He breathes deeply, before talking.

"Sorry, I was nervous. I thought the car was going to hit you. I thought I was about to see you getting hit." he says. His breath is a little bit irregular now. Taking some valor, you leave a kiss on his chest, where is heart is ubicated. He sighs. "I also liked you. But it didn't feel good, you were my bestie's little sister. I didn't want to ruin my friendship or worse, your relation with your brother. I thought it was better for me to stay away. That's why I treated you like that. I was trying to convince myself. It didn't work." he lets out a little laugh.

"I felt like you were serious about it. That's why I never said anything. But I do like you, Kirstein."

"You're a lucky girl." he says. He keeps your head buried on his chest. "Because I also like you, Bott." he says. He leaves a soft kiss on your hair and, shyly, accompanies you to throw the garbage. There's silence. Once you're walking back, in the same silence, he breaks it. "Should we date, then?" he asks. "We're both adults and we like each other, doesn't it work like that?" he asks. You nod.

"But, Marco?" he says then. Oh, you forgot about him. Marco, your brother, his best friend.

"Oh, true..."

"Well, Marco is home and we aren't." he says. "He isn't going to miss us a couple minutes, right?" his voice getting low as his lips got closer to yours. "You don't know how many times I wanted to kiss those lips or caress this body." he murmurs. You tangle your hands around his neck.

"Why you didn't, then?" you ask. He lets out a little laugh.

"Now I have all the time of the world to kiss you." you feel his soft lips against yours. His hands around your waist and yours tangled on his hair. It feels so good.

"I hope so."

m e a n w h i le

"do you think he confessed?" Connie asks. Marco keeps taking out plates while talking to Connie on the phone.

"They have been out for twenty minutes. I'm a 99% sure he did, and he's corrupting my little sister behind a house." he says.

"He doesn't want to break your sister's relation with you." Connie says. Marco sighs.

"My sister is in love with him. If both like each other, it's none lf my business."

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thejakeformerlyknownasprince · 5 years

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Hi! As someone who’s literary opinion I really trust, I was surprised that you’re a twilight fan? I know almost nothing except commen knowledge things about that series, and I always assumed it was actually bad/un-feminist. What is it that you like so much that others seem to miss? I’m just genuinely curious about your take on the hate it always seems to get vs. it’s actual quality. I’m not gonna judge bc animorphs is also one of those books where you see it and assume it’s bad.

In over 14 years of loving this series, I’m not sure anyone has ever asked me why I enjoy it instead of simply trying to convince me that I’m wrong to do so. So thank you for that.

First and foremost, I love the Twilight saga because of the vivid detail in Stephenie Meyer’s writing style. The descriptions are so lush and dense with sensory information that you can practically bite down on them as you read. Bella and Jacob aren’t just sitting on the beach; they’re sitting on a gnarled log of driftwood, worn smooth at the top from where so many Quileute teens have sat upon it during bonfires but still uneven enough to rock on its branches when Bella suddenly stands to rage at her own mortality. Meyer describes that log in Twilight, so tangibly and with such economy of detail, that we recognize it immediately when Bella and Jacob return to that spot in Eclipse. I’ve always disliked the movies, because I’ve always felt that the best part of Meyer’s writing simply did not translate well to the screen.

Secondly, I love the feminism.

Okay, let’s take a quick pause to let everyone gasp and clutch their pearls over me calling Twilight a feminist work. I will address the criticisms later. For now, please just hear me out.

Twilight strikes me as a premier example of what Hélène Cixous means when she calls for “women’s writing,” or writing for women, about women, by women, with a strong focus on the concerns and strengths and desires of womanhood. This is a series about building and maintaining close relationships, both romantic and platonic. It celebrates beauty, and love, and care. Bella moves to Forks because she recognizes that her dad is lonely while her mom is quite the opposite, torn between family priorities. She doesn’t simply subsume her interests to those of other people, but instead actively chooses how and when and where to express her love for her birth family and her found families. Most of the other major decisions throughout the story — Alice “adopting” Bella, Carlisle moving the family to Alaska, Jacob becoming werewolf beta, the Cullens going up against the Volturi, etc. — are motivated by care and devotion for one’s family and friends. Even the selfish or morally ambiguous character choices are shown to be motivated by love. Rosalie tells Edward that Bella died because she genuinely thinks it’ll help him move on. Victoria creates an army that nearly destroys Forks because she’s avenging James. Alice abandons Bella and the others before the final battle because if she can’t save her entire family, then she’ll settle for saving her lover before letting him die in vain.

Not only is there a striking concern with love and care, but there’s also a strong commitment to avoiding violence. Bella’s eventual vamp-superpower proves to be preventing violence and protecting others, an awesome character decision that I’d argue gets set up as early as the first book. She lives in a violent world — this is a YA SF story, after all — but she has the power to suppress violence and create peace, both in herself and others. I was already sick of “power = ability to inflict damage” in YA stories well before I knew the word “patriarchy.” Twilight was one of the first books to convey to me that power could be refusing to do harm in spite of hunger or anger, that power could be shielding ones’ family, that power could be about building enough friendships and alliances to have an army at one’s back when facing an enemy too strong to take on alone.

Closely connected to all of that love and care, I love how much Twilight is about navigating teenage girlhood. Is it empowering, intersectional, or all-inclusive? Hell no. Does it still dare to suggest that a completely ordinary teenage girl could have valid concerns about the world? Yep. The main conflict of the story, as Stephen King so derisively explained, is about the romantic entanglements of a teenage girl, and the book therefore has no literary merit. (To quote my dad’s response: “Bold words from the guy who inflicted Firestarter on the world.”)

There is, indeed, a lot of romance in Twilight. There are a lot of clothes. Alice and Rosalie especially spend a lot of time on makeup, and hair, and choosing the prettiest cars and houses. Twilight embraces all the stereotypically “girly” concerns of adolescence, and makes no effort to apologize for or condemn them. Bella isn’t particularly good at performing them — she likes but doesn’t excel at shopping, fiercely defends her ugly car as ugly, hobbles through prom on crutches — but she can still enjoy the feeling of being pretty in a sparkly dress while dancing with her sparkly boyfriend. And Twilight, like Animorphs with Cassie, takes the daring step of treating that feeling as valid.

Speaking of sparkles, I love the commitment to the fantasy concept in Twilight, including the myriad mundanities that Meyer brings with that commitment. If you have super-speed, why not use it to play extreme baseball? If you’re a mindreader with a clairvoyant sister, why wouldn’t you two play mental chess games? I couldn’t tell you, after seven seasons of Buffy or eight of Vampire Diaries, what Spike or Damien or Angel or Stefan does all day when not brooding or lurking in the bushes to creep on human women. I can tell you what the Cullens get up to. Emmett and Rosalie work on their cars, usually by holding them overhead one-handed. Carlisle and Alice read plays, and sometimes talk the whole family into home Shakespeare productions. Edward and Carlisle debate theology, Emmett and Jasper have dumb athletic competitions, Edward and Esme play music, Alice manipulates stock markets, the twins go shopping online, etcetera. The Cullens feel real, feel like the vampires next door, in a way that Louis and Lestat simply do not.

To get to the elephant in the room — I just described Twilight as a feminist text! — let’s talk about the other thing the Cullens do for fun: they have sex. Weird sex. Kinky furniture-breaking sex. Sex that Emmett (who would know) compares to bear-wrestling. These books suck with regards to queer representation, but they are sex-positive. They feature an old-school Anglican protagonist offering his daughter-in-law a medical abortion. They treat Edward’s desire for sex only within marriage and Alice’s desire for sex outside of marriage as both being valid. Like I said, not groundbreaking, even by the standards of 2005, but still more than most teen novels do even today.

There’s a passage from Breaking Dawn that people love to pull out of context as “everything wrong with Twilight in two paragraphs” because it describes Bella waking up the morning after sex with bruises on her arms. That moment is shocking out of context, to be sure — but in context, it’s the end result of an in-depth consent negotiation that lasts four books. Bella says that she’d like to become a vampire. Edward says okay, but only if she spends a few more years living as a human and considering that choice. Bella says okay, but only if Edward, not Carlisle, becomes the one to turn her. Edward says they can use his venom, but that Carlisle, who’s an MD, really needs to supervise the process. Bella doesn’t love the idea of Edward’s stepdad cockblocking what’s supposed to be an intimate moment, and so agrees only on the grounds that she gets to have sex with Edward as a human first. Edward’s hella Catholic, so he requests that they get married first. Bella’s super horny, so she demands that the wedding happen within six months. Edward says that he might hurt her during sex, and Bella says that she wants a little hurt during sex. They marry. They bang. During the banging, Edward makes every effort to be controlled and courteous and gentile, while Bella goes wild and crazy. The next morning, she has bruises and he does not. Edward apologizes, but Bella’s actually really into it. She spends a while admiring her sexy vamp-marked self in the mirror, touches the bruises many times, and reminds us yet again that Bella Swan’s whole M.O. is being a monsterfucker. Her kink is not my kink, and that’s okay.

To be clear, I think there are other aspects of the romance that get criticized for good reason. Edward does not negotiate with Bella before sneaking into her room to watch her sleep, and he does make unacceptable use of their power differences when he thinks she’s in danger of being mauled by werewolves. The text condemns Jacob’s “don’t wanna die a virgin” ploy to manipulate a kiss out of Bella, but not the wider conceit of all the male characters as possessing uncontrollable urges. Bella’s struggles to adjust to a new town feel very feminine and realistic; her amused tolerance of Jacob’s and Mike’s sexual harassment as the price for their friendship does not. Werewolf imprinting might be mostly platonic, but that doesn’t make it okay for Meyer to depict it as a form of soulmate bonding that happens with child characters. Those are good points, all around. I just wish that most of them didn’t come up in the context of post-hoc rationalizations for loathing the femininity of a feminine text.

I’m not calling Twilight an unproblematic series. I’m saying that it gets (rightly!) criticized for appropriating Quileute culture, while Buffy’s total absence of main characters of color and blatant anti-Romani racism are (wrongly!) not remarked upon. I'm saying that I’ve been told I’m a misogynist for liking Twilight but not for liking James Bond. I’m saying that there’s a reason people tend to go “oh, that makes so much sense!” when I let them in on the fact that reactive hatred for “Twitards” started and spread on 4Chan, later home of Gamergate and incel culture. I’m saying that Twilight depicts problematic relationship dynamics as sexy — but then so do Vampire Academy, Blue Bloods, Supernatural, Vladimir Tod, and Vampire Diaries. All of which take the time to stop and thumb their noses at Twilight, smug in the superiority of having vampires that fly rather than vampires that sparkle, and for thoroughly condemning teenage girls for being girly while continuing to show men inflicting violence on them.

After all, as Erin May Kelly puts it: “we live in a world taught to hate everything to do with little girls. We hate the books they read and the bands they like. Is there anything the world makes fun of more than One Direction and Twilight?” No one has ever called me a misogynist for liking the MCU, in spite of less than a third of its movies even managing to clear the low-low bar of the Bechdel test. Because people are still allowed to like Harry Potter in spite of its racism, or Lord of the Rings despite its imperialism. Because hatred for Twilight was never about its very real sexism, or the genuinely silly sparkle-vampires, until it had to justify itself as something other than hate for everything that teenage girls have ever dared openly love.

I enjoy the novels, and I enjoy the fan fiction that tries to fix some of the problems with the novels. I appreciate the extent to which Meyer has elevated fan culture, and made an effort to acknowledge her own past mistakes. I would love to be able to talk about my love for the series as a flawed but beautiful work of literature, but for now I’ll settle for asking that the world just let me enjoy it in peace.

#twilight #the twilight saga #breaking dawn #eclipse #new moon #stephenie meyer #fandom #nothing to do with animorphs #misogyny #ableist language #sexist language #long post #sexism #romance #anonymous #asks

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cherryblossomstars · 4 years

Text

III. Midnight (W. Ushijima)

Taken from my AO3 series of one-shots & reposted here

Pairing: Ushijima x F!Reader

Word count: 2,051

Genre: fluff/slight crack bc seijoh

Summary: Aoba Johsai's volleyball team has never been able to defeat the Great Ushiwaka of Shiratorizawa. Their manager, however? She can bring him to his knees in mere seconds.

Or, Ushijima Wakatoshi is helplessly in love with Seijoh's Ace's twin sister, and the Aoba Johsai VBC is not appreciative of it.

Previous | Next

"Go fish." Oikawa says with a straight face.

Matsukawa huffs and picks up a white card from the middle of the table, "just when I had Uno."

"Suck it up." Hanamaki smirks, "Eevee uses quick draw. Draw a card, Iwaizumi."

"No, because you activated my trap card." Hajime flips over a card that was on the table.

"That doesn't count!" Oikawa yells.

"Yes it does." Matsukawa defends.

"No, it doesn't." Hanamaki cuts in, trying to avoid losing.

"What does the card czar say?" Oikawa turns to look at you.

You hold cards from Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, Uno, Cards Against Humanity and a regular deck of playing cards. You're not sure what you're playing right now, but the upcoming third years seem to have played this before, seeing as they don't have a lick of confusion written on their faces. Next to the large deck in the middle of the table sits a cup of dice. "Er... Makki and Hajime roll a, um, D6 for initiative. Highest number goes first, so, um, their card will be the affective one."

The group around you nods. Makki rolls a 3, then Hajime follows up with a 6. Makki groans in defeat.

You nearly sigh in relief, you weren't sure if what you said was even close to what you were supposed to do.

The summer break of your second year in highschool, all the second years had decided to go together on a volleyball summer camp in Tokyo. Naturally, they convinced you to tag along as well. The camp was split between age groups, middle school and highschool were grouped together and being taught by adults, while elementary was being taught by adults as well as teenagers. The camp had no need of volleyball managers, so you had submitted an application to be part of the staff supervising and teaching the elementary kids.

Because of your decision to be part of staff, you were required to go to the camp at least a week early to get the basics of both teaching and safety for the camp. There, you found out that because the amount of people coming to this summer's volleyball camp was much more than they normally had, middle school and highschool would be separated this year and they needed extra hands for the middle school division. You had volunteered, meaning you would be supervising both middle school and elementary.

Later, you found out they were getting an extra influx of campers because they had decided to make the camp co-ed. You grumbled about it when you found out the camp was co-ed. You must not have seen the option when you signed up online, likely because Oikawa had been pestering you to bump a ball around with him while you applied. Stupid Oikawa.

It was only the third day of camp (and your tenth day of being there), but you were already so very tired and excited to leave. The camp itself would last three full weeks. Afterwards, you would be forced to stay behind an extra few hours to help clean the school that had allowed the camp to use their campus. Luckily, you managed to rope your fellow second years into staying behind with you to help clean up as well. Matsukawa owed you one for spraining your wrist the month before (even though it was an accident, you still successfully guilt tripped him), Matsukawa had asked Hanamaki to stay behind as well, Hajime had given you a shrug and simply stated "wherever you go, I go", and Oikawa had given into peer pressure.

You rarely got breaks during the day and practically only saw your classmates at night after the elementary and middle school's curfew. Highschool did not have an assigned curfew, which is why you were sat on the floor in front of a coffee table in the common room of some other school's dormitory with your classmates playing an abomination of a card game while three of your underclassmen (which surprisingly included Kyotani) sat on the couches around you.

It was already surprising to see Oikawa up late since he was so strict with himself when it came to his schedule (with the exception of studying other teams' past games before tournaments), but what was really shocking to you was seeing your boyfriend and his best friend come down the stairs at 12am.

It seems your classmates already knew he was here, judging by the lack of shock from everyone around you. The saltiness that immediately began to radiate from your friends and fill the atmosphere, however, was practically tangible.

"Wakatoshi! What are you doing here?" You jumped from your position on the floor to walk alongside him and Tendou, heading for the kitchen.

"Tendou wanted a snack." He shrugs.

"A little birdie told me that the kitchens stock midnight snacks after the middle and lower school's curfew!" Tendou practically bounced into the kitchen, opening up all of the cabinets and digging through the pantry to find a snack suitable to his taste.

Your boyfriend and you stood next to the kitchen island, waiting for him. "No, Toshi, I meant here. At camp. I didn't know you were coming."

"I tried to call you to tell you, but you never answered so I left a text."

"You did?" You tilted your head.

"He did!" Tendou chirped, his head poking around in the fridge, "he was even complaining about how you weren't answering. He got all worried cause his precious little girlfriend wasn't answering her phone~"

"When?" You asked.

He is quiet in thought for a moment. "Last week."

"Oh! I'm sorry, I must have forgotten to tell you I was coming here. The club kinda convinced me to come with them last minute, right before the application deadline." You explained.

"It's pretty cool you're here with us, though." Tendou began to empty out the freezer, looking for something. "Oh! You know what, Iwa-chan?"

You hum, "what?"

"I don't think you've met little Kenjiro yet, right?" Tendou asks, tossing a bag of frozen vegetables onto the countertop.

"Kenjiro...?" You think for a moment.

Ushijima slips an arm around your waist. "His last name is Shirabu."

"Hmm... Nope. Never met him." You confirm.

"He's our brand new up and coming setter. He'll be a second year when the school year starts, but he's already pretty good, right Wakatoshi?"

The man next to you nods, "he's very competent. He's here at the camp, too."

Tendou grumbles, "there's no ice cream sandwiches." He turns to you, "Iwa-chan! How come the guys upstairs had ice cream sandwiches? I can't find them anywhere!"

You let out a light laugh, "that's what you were looking for, Satori?" You remove yourself from your boyfriend's side and begin to head towards a freezer with a lock on it.

Tendou nods eagerly, "yep. Why's that got a lock on it?"

You fish out your lanyard from your pajama's pocket and attempt to find the right key out of all the keys you were given. "Because there are certain snacks only meant for the staff. The camp wants you guys eating as healthy as possible while you're here, even when it comes to snacks. It's why there's pretty much only protein bars in the pantry and fruits in the fridge."

"You have a key?" Ushijima asks from behind you.

You finally find the right key and pop open the fridge, "chocolate?" You ask. When you hear Tendou confirm it, you toss an ice cream sandwich his way. "Want a popsicle, Toshi?" You close and lock the freezer when he shakes his head no. "Yeah, I've got a key. I'm part of the staff. I gave my Seijoh boys some ice cream and popsicles earlier too. Oh, but make sure no one knows I gave you guys these."

"Oh, you're part of staff, huh." Tendou nods in understanding.

"That must be why I haven't seen you around the campus." Ushijima adds.

"Yup. I'm part of the middle school and elementary staff, so I don't see highschool a lot except for after curfew. And since I'm so busy with them, I pretty much never check my phone. Sorry about that, honey." You take your spot next to Ushijima's side once again and get onto your tippy toes press a kiss to his cheek.

Tendou almost visibly cringes, "I'm gonna go upstairs before I get any more uncomfortable. See you in our room, Wakatoshi-kun!" And with that, he leaves the kitchen happily munching on his ice cream, leaving you and your boyfriend alone.

Almost immediately, Ushijima's arms snake around your waist and he rests his forehead against yours. "You worried me."

"I'm sorry." You press another kiss onto his cheek and wrap your arms loosely around his neck.

He hums, "what are you doing after camp ends? My family wants to see you again."

"Sorry, my love. After camp I'm going to Sapporo with Oikawa."

He freezes, "just Oikawa?"

"Sorry, I shouldn't have phrased it like that." You bite back the urge to laugh at his reaction, "I'm going to Sapporo with my family and Oikawa's family. We go every Summer, it's tradition. My uncle and my aunt live up in Sapporo, so we usually stay until the last week of vacation. Nowadays, though, the adults and Takeru usually leave early for work, so me, Hajime, and Oikawa get left alone, anyway."

"I see. That sounds fun."

"Yeah. It is. I look forward to it every year. I'm sorry I won't get to visit your family, though."

"They will understand. It's nothing to worry about."

"Can I postpone the visit until the last week of summer? We can all go to the festival together." You hop onto sit on the island's countertop and pull Ushijima to stand between your legs.

He tucks his head into the crook of your neck, his hair lightly scratching you. "Yes, that sounds like fun. My cousins missed you."

"Pfft. Which ones? You have so, so, so many." And he did. His extended family may as well have extended to the entire country of Japan. When you had gone to visit his family during the holidays, there were so many people at his house it was hard to move around. And even then, he had told you that that was only a few of his relatives.

"Hayato missed you very much." He huffed.

Despite trying not to laugh out loud, your body betrayed you when you began to shake from your attempts at stopping yourself. Hayato, who was four when you last saw him, had claimed that he would steal you away from Ushijima and be the one to marry you. Immediately following that, another one of Ushijima's younger cousins had said she had already claimed you to be her playmate for life, so you would be unable to marry either little Hayato or Ushijima. "Your family is certainly a fun one."

"I'm glad you get along with them, but I won't be able to have you to myself at any point during the Summer."

"My first day back. I'll be all yours. I promise."

"You promise?"

"All yours, my darling love." You lean your head against his.

This feeling, being wrapped in the arms of the love of your life in the middle of the night, was pure bliss. The only accompanying noises were the muffled shouts of your best friends from the other room, and the thrumming of the kitchen appliances around you. And still, despite the incredibly unromantic environment, you couldn't help but feel yourself fall for the man in your arms even more. Yes, perhaps you were too young to be in love. Sure, highschool relationships won't always last. But this feeling was one you wanted to savor, and you were not planning on letting him go any time soon.

This is not a fairytale life. Ushijima certainly had the grace and looks of a Prince Charming, but, unlike in the storybooks, whether or not the clock strikes twelve would not matter. You would not run away and you would not be leaving a shoe at the steps. Instead, you would continue to rest in the arms of the man you love. And sure, there would be no huge, elaborate castle or jewels tossed your way, but this was more than enough.

Fin.

#Ushijima x Reader #ushijima wakatoshi x reader #ushijima wakatoshi #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #shiratorizawa x reader #aoba johsai x reader

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promethes · 4 years

Text

dumping the horrendous unconventional short story I wrote for my midterm under the cut to get it off my mind bc I do not like it.

ENTRY 1

I think I will make my life’s motif a bird. It shouldn’t be too hard. They’re everywhere and pop out at the most opportune moments. I’ll find a way to tie them in.

ENTRY 2

Stood in line for way too long at the cafe. Can you believe the girl in front of me didn’t even look up to plan her order until she was physically at the front of the line? I knew what I wanted to order before I even stepped foot into the place. They need to change that. I’m on the lookout for some kind of online suggestion box to submit to since they decided to forgo an in-house one for some God forsaken reason. There’s not a lick of common sense in anyone these days. Saw a robin on my way out and flicked it a sesame seed from my bagel.

ENTRY 3

Would you listen to this garbage? They’re planning on tearing down my favorite bowling alley. “Didn’t pass inspection” my ass. It’s an important cultural landmark of our city and I’m marching down to the mayor to set him straight. I can’t stage important life moments around the cardinal themed bowling alley if there is no bowling alley to have a cardinal theme!

ENTRY 4

Mom’s in the hospital. Driving over now, she said it has something to do with her cholesterol. It either spiked or dropped real low, but I can’t be sure. Either way, she’s in the hospital. I don’t know why she chose the one that’s so far away though. The vending machines in the other one have way better stock.

ENTRY 5

Forgot to say. I didn’t run over any birds on the way there.

ENTRY 6

I don’t think I’m spiraling yet but I’m close to it. Mom’s fine, she’s just staying overnight in case anything acts up again. I, on the other hand, am NOT. Car won’t start and I’ve been sitting here in the parking lot for almost four hours now. Embarrassed beyond belief. A weird old man with a huge shiny truck offered to help and he’s been good on his word lending me his car to jump-start mine, but his bumper stickers make me nervous. His truck has custom lettering too. I’m a big guy, so not too worried, but a little concerned.

Anyway, it didn’t work and I’m calling a tow truck now. I tried to thank the guy and offered to buy him coffee, but he just said “No way, Jose” which was weird. He smacked the top of my car before he left and said I need to “dress this little lady up.” Maybe I’ll get a sparrow bumper sticker online. Everything’s online these days.

ENTRY 7

Starting to rethink the bird motif thing. Not much goes on in my life anyway, and there’s only so much material I can get out of waking up early to chirping. Maybe I should aim lower. I could choose a color instead. Red would be a cop-out, it’s too obvious. Blood! I need something that’s at least a little challenging. We’ll see. I’ll sleep on it.

ENTRY 8

GREAT NEWS! Sister got a BIRD. A real-life living breathing chirping flying bird. It’s a sign and I’m not going to ignore it. My life’s motif is a bird and it’s not going to be one of those unbearably hidden motifs from English class required readings either.

(Although I did like some of them. That spoon in Middlesex…… I want my bird to be his spoon. To take up space in an almost eerie way. I’ll find a way to make it work.)

ENTRY 9

Laying the groundwork. These things don’t come easy, so I’m sowing the seeds (birds do that, right?) Told everyone at work that my great great great grandfather’s name was Starling. Drilled up a lot of curious questions and I even got to know some of the people I always just miss talking to. They were all VERY interested. Tomorrow I’ll bring in a picture of an actual starling. I don’t think Andrew quite knows that it’s a kind of bird.

ENTRY 10

Don’t remember the name my sister chose and I couldn’t remember if I tried even if I squeezed my eyes shut before blinking really fast like I usually do because this bird (Polly I’m going to call it Polly because an annoying bird deserves an annoying name) is so incessantly annoyingly unbearably loud. I can’t believe this thing is my sign.

My sign is chirping me into the basement and into a frenzy. At least I have my old sleeping bag handy until I can figure out how to shut it up. Why must my motif be so unbearably annoying?

ENTRY 11

Update on the car: starter wires snapped. Haven’t seen any birds around lately (except for a crow but I hate crows and I won’t be counting them) so I was hopeful and asked the mechanic if there’s any chance a bird could’ve pecked at the wires until they got so worn down that they snapped in the hospital parking lot.

He looked at me like I was crazy. I know that was what the look meant because he said, “Are you f****ing crazy man? The wires are deep in your car under the hood.” (I’m censoring the language. I don’t want language taking away from my story. If this is to be read in a future child’s English class to teach a lesson about motifs, I can’t be including foul language.)

I’m not f***ing crazy but I am extremely ticked off. Does he not realize how little birds come out in the cold weather? I need whatever I can get.

I’ll just tell people a bird got stuck under the hood of my car. I’ll change this entry later. Mechanic man doesn’t deserve a spot in a child’s English class; he didn’t even have the decency to watch his language for them.

ENTRY 12

People at work are finally starting to catch on! Got called “bird guy” by Kathleen (Catherine? Kristy? Whatever.) when she saw my shirt. I knew it’d be a good move when I saw it on sale at Walmart. I’m thinking of making the cover of my book Hawaiian print, but I’ll tell my future publisher I’m not married to the idea. Can’t be too picky on my first book! I’ll leave that for the second.

ENTRY 13

I will enjoy my day today I will enjoy my day today I will enjoy my day. Sister needs to get control of Polly. I’ve moved down my whole mattress now. I will enjoy my day I will enjoy my day I will enjoy

ENTRY 14

Can’t believe I overlooked eagles and hawks. Of course sparrows and starlings weren’t doing the trick! Classic oversight, focusing too much on the mundane. I won’t be making that mistake. I blame it all on that incessant chirping. Mom says it’s not too bad but I’m fairly certain that cholesterol has gotten to her ears. She must be going deaf. She’s lucky she’s ill or else I’d be very extremely sore at her for making that face at me. I know it’s a bad face because it’s the same face that f***ing mechanic made and I don’t think he’s ever made a good face in his life so if my mom made that same face then I really don’t like that. She gets a pass for the cholesterol.

ENTRY 15

I feel amazing. Bought an eagle bumper sticker at a roadside gas station and after a few strategic snips, it’ll be ready to go on the car. I’m dressing this little lady up! The red, white, and blue has got to go first though. Decided a while ago not to let colors mess with my motif, and I’m not going to slip up on that again! Snip snip.

I’m considering this a debt paid. Dressed the little lady up. Two birds, one stone! I’m making that my new catchphrase.

ENTRY 16

Should I make this a love story? I’m thinking about making it a romance. Doves are right there, really just waiting for me to weave them in. On the other hand, I don’t think that’d work to create much of a conducive learning environment for the kids. I think I’ll stick to a Mark Twain type story instead.

Reread the beginning and don’t think it’s working. I’ll be cutting all that out. I spoke too much about mom’s cholesterol. Too many side characters and not enough focus. Where was I going with this again?

ENTRY 17

Writer’s block. It’s ok, I still had that major breakthrough with the hawk/eagle thought. Put in my two weeks to dedicate all my time. I’ve found a bird-watching site that I hope will bring me more peace than f***ing Polly.

ENTRY 18

These birds are really working to stay in my New York Times best-selling children’s novel. Knew this would be a challenge, but they really do never stop conversing. If only they could read, I’d write them a best-selling manual on the best ways to speak inwards rather than outwards. Chirp chirp chirp needs to turn into ______ ________ ________.

ENTRY 19

Sister’s going to be f***ing pissed but it was the only thing to do.

ENTRY 20

Honestly, it was just a bird! If it was really part of our family, you’d think that I’d know its name by now.

ENTRY 21

I said that Polly’s in a better place now, but set her off with the “Polly”. Maybe this was a mistake. She said I “begged” her to get the bird but she shouldn’t say that when she’s the one reacting like this.

ENTRY 22

Books should come with suggestion boxes. No more birds. Story’s six feet under just like Gladys. See, I can finally remember it now that I can hear myself think.

#eugh #og #emptying notes #essays

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lesbeet · 4 years

Text

not to be a nerd but i accidentally just wrote a whole impromptu essay about editing ndjsdksksk im throwing it under a cut bc it's fucking inane and really long but honestly... i just want other people to become as passionate about editing as i am lmaooooo

i also recommend 2 books in the post so if anything at least check those out!

quality books about editing... *chef's kiss* a lot of the basic ones (including blog posts online n such) are geared towards beginners and end up repeating the same info/advice, much of it either oversimplified or misrepresented tbh. but i read one yesterday and i'm reading another one right now that really convey this passion for editing + consideration for it as its own sort of art and i just!!

it's such a weird thing to be passionate about lmao but i AM and i've spent a lot of time the past year or so consciously honing my craft (ik i mention this like 4 times a week i'm just really proud of how much i've learned and improved) and kind of like. solidifying my instincts into conscious choices i guess?

and these GOOD editing books have both a) taught me new information and/or presented familiar information through a new perspective that helped me understand something differently or in more depth, and b) validated or even just put into words certain preferences or techniques that i've developed on my own, that i don't normally see on those more basic lists i mentioned

btw the book i finished yesterday is self-editing for fiction writers: how to edit yourself into print by renni brown and dave king, and the one i'm reading currently is the artful edit: on the practice of editing yourself by susan bell.

the former was pretty sharp and straightforward. the authors demonstrated some of their points directly in the text, which was usually funny enough that i would show certain quotes to my sister without context

("Just think about how much power a single obscenity can have if it’s the only one in the whole fucking book." <- (it was)

"Frequent italics have come to signal weak writing. So you should never resort to them unless they are the only practical choice, as with the kind of self-conscious internal dialogue shown above or an occasional emphasis."

or, my favorite: "There are a few stylistic devices that are so “tacky” they should be used very sparingly, if at all. First on the list is emphasis quotes, as in the quotes around the word “tacky” in the preceding sentence. The only time you need to use them is to show you are referring to the word itself, as in the quotes around the word “tacky” in the preceding sentence. Read it again; it all makes sense.")

and like i said, i also learned some new ideas or techniques (or they articulated vague ideas i already had but struggled to put into practice), AND they mentioned some suggestions that ive literally never seen anyone else bring up (not to say no one has! just that ive never seen it, and ive seen a lot in terms of writing tips, advice, best practices, etc) that ive already sort of established in my own writing

for example they went into pretty fine detail about dialogue mechanics, more than i usually see, and in talking about the pacing and proportion of "beats" and dialogue in a given scene, they explicitly suggested that, if a character speaks more than a sentence or two and you plan on giving them some sort of dialogue tag or an action to perform as a beat, the tag or action should be placed at one of the earliest (if not the first) natural pauses in the dialogue, so as not to distance the character too far from the dialogue -- bc otherwise the reader ends up getting all of the dialogue information first, and then has to go back and retroactively insert the character, or what they're doing, or the way they look/sound while they're giving their little speech

and like this was something ive figured out on my own, mostly bc it jarred me out of something i was reading enough times (probably in fic tbh) that i started noticing it, and realized that it's something i do naturally, kind of to anchor the character to the dialogue mechanic to make sure it makes sense with the actual dialogue

so like. ok here's an example i just randomly pulled from the song of achilles (it was available on scribd so i just looked for a spot that worked to illustrate my point djsmsks)

the actual quote is written effectively, but here's a less effective version first:

“Perhaps I would, but I see no reason to kill him. He’s done nothing to me," Achilles answered coolly.

see and even with such a short snippet it's so much smoother and more vivid just by moving the dialogue tag, not adding or cutting a word:

“Perhaps I would, but I see no reason to kill him.” Achilles answered coolly. “He’s done nothing to me.”

the rhythm of it is better, and the beat that the dialogue tag creates functions as a natural dramatic pause before achilles delivers an incredibly poignant line, both within the immediate context of the scene and because we as the readers can recognize it as foreshadowing. plus, it flows smoothly because that beat was inserted where the dialogue already contained a natural pause, just bc that's how people speak. if you read both versions aloud, they both make sense, but the second version (the original used in the novel) accounts for the rhythm of dialogue, the way people tend to process information as they read, AND the greater context of the story, and as a result packs significantly more purpose, information, and effect into the same exact set of words

and THAT, folks, is the kind of editing minutia i can literally sit and hyperfocus on for hours without noticing. anyway it's a good book lmao

the one i'm reading now is a lot more about the cognitive process/es of editing, so there's less concrete and specific advice (so far, anyway) and more discussion about different mental approaches to editing, as well as tips and tools for making a firm distinction between your writer brain and your editor brain, which is something i struggle with

but there have been so many good quotes that ive highlighted! a lot of just like. reminders and things to think about, and also just lovely articulations of things id thought of or come to understand in much more vague ways.

scribd won't let me copy/paste this one bc it's a document copy and not an actual ebook, but this passage is talking about how the simple act of showing a piece of writing to someone else for the very first time can spark a sudden shift in perspective on the work, bc you'll (or at least i) frantically try to re-read it through their eyes and end up noticing a bunch of new errors -

or she talked about the perils of constant re-reading in the middle of writing a draft, which is something i struggle with a LOT, both bc i'm a perfectionist and bc i prefer editing to writing so i sit and edit when i'm procrastinating doing the actual hard work of writing lmao

it's just this side of fake deep tbh but i so rarely see editing discussed like this--as a mixture of art and science, a collaboration between instinct and technique, that really requires "both sides of the brain" to be done well.

and because of the way my own brain works, activities that require such a balanced concentration of creativity and logic really appeal to me. even though ive seen a lot of people (even professional writers) who frame it as the creative art of writing vs the logical discipline of editing. but i think that's such a misleading way of thinking about it, because writing and editing both require creativity and logic -- just different kinds! (not to mention that the line between writing and editing, while mostly clear, can get a little blurry from up close)

but like...all stories have an inner logic to them, even if the writer hasn't explicitly or consciously planned it, and even if the logic is faulty in places in the first couple of drafts. when you're sitting and daydreaming about your story, especially if you're trying to figure out how to bridge the gap between two points or scenes (or, how to write a sequence of events that presents as a logical, inevitable progression of cause and effect), the voice in your head that evaluates an idea and decides to 1) go with it, 2) scrap it, 3) tweak it until it works, or 4) hold onto it in case you want it later? that's your logic! if an idea feels wrong, or like it just doesn't work, it's probably because some part of you is detecting a conflict between some part of the idea and the overall logic of your story. every decision you make as you write is formed by and checked against your own experiential logic, and also by the internal logic of your story, which is far less developed (or at least, one would hope), and therefore more prone to the occasional laspe

but while ive seen a number of articles that discuss the logic of writing, i don't see people gushing as much about the art of editing and it's such a shame

the inner editor is so often characterized as the responsible parent to the writer's carefree child, or a relentless critic of the writer's unselfconscious, unpolished drivel

and it's like... maybe you just hate thinking critically about your work! maybe you view it that way because you're imposing external standards too fiercely onto your writing, and it's sucked the joy out of shaping and sculpting your words until they sing. maybe you prefer to conceive of your writing as divine communication, the process of which must remain unencumbered by lessons learned through experience or the vulnerability of self-reflection, until the buzzkill inner editor shows up with all those "rules" and "conventions" that only matter if you're trying to get published

and like obviously the market doesn't dictate which conventions are worth following, but the majority of widely-agreed-upon writing standards, especially those aimed at beginners, (and most especially those regarding style, as opposed to story structure) have to do with the effectiveness and efficiency of prose, and, in addition to often serving as a shorthand for distinguishing an amateur from a pro, overall help to increase poignancy and clarity, which is crucial no matter the genre or type of writing. and even if you personally believe otherwise, it's better to understand the conventions so you can break them with real purpose.

so editing shouldn't be about trying to shove your pristine artistic masterpiece into a conventional mold, it should be about using the creative instincts of your ear and your logic and experience-based understanding of writing as a craft to hone your words until you've told your story as effectively as possible

thank u for coming to my ted talk ✌️

#long post //#editing #wref #sefa rambles

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theshinsun · 4 years

Note

A-Z for honesty hour because I'm an asshole. :D

A - If I’m in love.

...yes. I never thought I would be again, I thought I’d been too hurt and jaded to feel this way again, but against all odds, I’m back to being 17 in full force.

B - Who the last person I talked to on the phone was.

The only one who ever calls me is my mother. And customers at work.

C - How long it’s been since I’ve kissed.

damn, almost a year now… not since my last relationship ended back in October-ish. even then, it was mostly casual pecks idk if we ever seriously made out tbh.

D - If I have a preference for boys or girls.

already answered (twice) but I'll keep going… I've got a definite preference of guys over girls, but I'm also a bi disaster and sometimes it doesn't make a lot of sense why this person is instantly attractive to me while that person isn't. certain aspects of femininity do appeal to me, but weirdly other aspects seem to be a turn-off and I can't always put my finger on what or why. ...that caveat does not apply to masculinity though, even if it's traditionally "masculine" features on a feminine-presenting individual I am 100% down every time.

E - How many holes I have in my ears.

two and a half? I got a third piercing at some point halfway up the lobe but it got infected and scarred over I think. the holes I do have are also stretched (I'm up to 0G now) and I've been meaning to get some more.

F - Give me any options, like ‘hot or cold?’

wasn't given any options, so I guess I'll go with hot or cold lol. I prefer hot, I'm one of those weirdos who loves summer because of the heat and I'll usually take a hot food/drink over a cold one.

G - The last person I said ‘I love you’ to.

my mom, over the phone just now.

H - The last person I hugged.

my roommate. we're not always super touchy-feely with each other but I've been feeling kind of down and she noticed.

I - The last time I felt jealous, and why.

I'm not usually a very jealous person, but the last time I really felt that way… I'd recently broken up with my ex, and they were sitting on someone else's lap and I… felt things. part of the reason I realized I may have made a mistake.

J - Are you insecure. What about?

K - What my full name is

already answered, my first and middle are Jacob Brooks, I'm not putting my last name out there sorry I don't trust like that.

L - If I have siblings.

already answered, I've got two, an older brother and a younger sister.

M - If I forgive betrayal.

I mean, I forgive but I don't forget, ya know? like I'll accept an apology if it's sincere and welcome the person back and never bring it up again, but I'm probably gonna be cautious around them in the future, and not trust them as readily as I would have before.

N - If you want to know how I treat my friends.

if I call someone my friend it means I really feel close with them, and I treat my friends basically like my family. I try to always be honest and supportive of them, bc I love and appreciate them and just want them to be happy.

O - If I like my school.

I love my school. the campus is beautiful, the teachers are fantastic, and I just love being there and learning and growing in my classes. I'm really sad this semester is probably going to be mostly online because I really feel like I belong in those studios and on that campus and I miss it.

P - What kind of music I like.

already answered, and it mostly boiled down to all over the fuckin place, so this time… band recommendations, here we go. no you have no say in this.

here, have a clump of random favorite bands off the top of my head: mother mother, bad suns, nothing but thieves, hozier, shearwater, the neighbourhood, steam powered giraffe, rainbow kitten surprise, the oh hellos, gregory alan isakov, caravan palace, mystery skulls, khai dreams, autoheart, muse, silversun pickups, thousand foot krutch, two door cinema club, twenty one pilots, blue october, jukebox the ghost

Q - What the last party I went to was, and when the next will be.

I'm not a partier at All, but I did have a bunch of friends over for the 4th (okay I say a bunch but it was like four people from our usual less-socially distant circle). I have no idea when the next get-together will be, it's kinda hard to plan those kinds of things lately.

R - For me to tell 10 of my curiosities.

the phrasing of this question is weird but I'm gonna assume it means things I'm curious about? let's go with that.

travel. I haven't ever been out of the country and I'd like to see other parts of the world at least at some point in my life.

tattoos. both getting them and learning to do them, it's a niche branch of art that I'm just fascinated by and I might like to do it as a career if I knew more about it.

same thing with being a florist. I'm really drawn to it as a concept and I'm super curious how it works, but I have no idea what kind of… qualifications and whatnot I'd need for that.

surfing. I'm surrounded by the lifestyle and now kind of own a surfboard, I just want to know what the appeal is.

this may be a bit tmi, but I'm really curious what it's like to have a dick. I don't suppose I'll strictly ever know, but I still really want to… probably one of the biggest things to clue me in that I'm definitely trans is the literal penis envy ngl.

I've always kind of had a fascination with the ocean, and I'd love to go like, scuba diving or something someday, to see it up close and personal.

I think everyone has the impulse thought of shaving their head at some point. maybe someday I will I don't quite have the balls to do it now.

I've gone this long in my life and never wielded a sword? a travesty. I don't pretend to have the grace to actually know how to use one, but I've like, never even held a real one and the idea interests me a lot.

this one might be slightly morbid curiosity, but I don't think I've ever been like, properly drunk or high before, like I've been tipsy but I've never been wasted, you know? the idea kind of scares me and I don't think I'm going to go out and remedy it, but it's still there, and even if I know it's not a good idea, I do still wonder what that's like.

same vein, maybe even a little darker, but I've got at least a little morbid curiosity about like, death and real danger. again, not planning to act on it At All, but the thought is still lurking in the back of my mind like what if…? you asked for honesty. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

S - 2 habits.

bit of a new habit, but I have a whole ritual of disinfecting groceries when I bring them home, and then disinfecting the door knobs and counters. I don't know if it'll persist after the pandemic is over, but it's already ingrained in me and I don't feel comfortable if I skip it or do it differently.

I apologize for things that aren't my fault. it's such an instinct at this point to say "sorry" when I'm uncomfortable or anxious that it doesn't even register anymore, even when people tell me not to be sorry, I'm still gonna say it, sorry.

T - 5 things I love unconditionally.

already answered so here's 5 more

my family. if I haven't got my family I haven't got anything, we've got each others' backs and I won't turn on them for anything

my friends. same deal, I owe so much to my friends, I love them, and that won't change no matter what they decide to do or be.

sleep. I love sleep so much, even if it's just an involuntary nap, though for someone who loves it so much I sure don't get enough of it

spotify. I know it has problems, I know there are probably more streamlined/cheaper music streaming services out there, but at this point, I've sunk too much of my time and energy into this one and I'll never give it up

my ocs. I don't talk about them very much on this platform, but I have them, they're my children, and I love them even if they're assholes and never easy to write/draw.

U - How many texts I send daily.

already answered, the number varies, and sometimes swings drastically between like, 5 and 35 on any given day.

V - 3 big dreams.

graduate art school. it's gonna be a serious undertaking and probably take several more years and a lot of loans at this point, but I'm still determined to get there someday.

someday I want to write a book. I know I've said that before on a different prompt, but it wouldn't be a list of dreams without including this one that I've held onto since childhood.

this one's kind of vague, but someday… I want to not be afraid anymore. like I want to finally be in a state of mental/financial security so I can live my life without the fear of what's coming next.

W - An idol.

it's probably really basic to list a youtuber, but I've still gotta go with Chase Ross. the guy was an inspiration and a major source of information and support for me early-on in my transition, and even watching him now I still want to approach life with the pure positive energy and confidence that he has.

X - If I’ve done something I regret very much.

yes. a couple things, really… some of which I don't think I'll ever be able to make up for.

Y - If I like my town and why.

my current town? yeah, it's got its problems but it's also beautiful and full of life and art and unique energy and I miss the days before the Corona End Times when I could actually go out and enjoy it.

Z - Ask any question you want.

??? I did not receive any specification for this one, and given that I didn't skip even the duplicate answers and this is ridiculously long, this one I'm gonna SKIP.

#shin speaks #answered #finally getting to this a million years later #thanks friend!!#i'll get to the other prompts in a second but i felt bad about not finishing this one #tw death mention #tw alcohol mention #just to be safe

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dxlansfxck · 5 years

Text

BLOOD // WATER [G.D] † 01

Summary: Grayson Dolan, better known as “el diablo” – Los Angeles’ most known gang leader and drug lord – doesn’t usually think twice when it comes to killing someone that is dangerous for his business. One night, he meets this mysterious woman that out of nothing wants to start dancing in one of his DEVILISH-nightclubs. Once their heated relationship got more intense, he knew he’d be killing for her too – and realizes how handy she actually could be for him and the revenge he’s been longing for years.

Warnings: mentions of violence, sex work, stripping / pole dance, soft smut, gun use, blonde & tattooed Gray (it should be a warning bc it’s hot, lol)

Word Count: 14.5k

Saturday, 13th August 2016. 10:47 PM

Loud, obnoxious sounds were filling the crowded streets of Los Angeles, caused by a pack of luxurious cars racing down the 700 Main St, passing by tourists and locals that were trying to get to the annual beach party on Venice Beach. The leading car, a black Mercedes AMG CLA 45, came to an abrupt halt, all the other cars stopping right behind it. The tinted windows rolled down as one hand motioned the crew to take a turn on the left side, while the Mercedes went the other way, trying to find a free parking lot somewhere… inconspicuous. Not that this car wasn’t inconspicuous at all, Jalen chose the sleek black one instead of his bright green Corvette, but it wasn’t even his job to fulfill this task on his own. Usually, Grayson didn’t give him those kinds of jobs, knowing that Jalen could do better, but today, everything was different. They were so close to reach their goal; Jalen just had to make sure everything worked out as planned – so he decided to do it by himself.

Grabbing his sunglasses, he stepped out of the car in one swift motion, closing the door behind him while walking towards the more and more crowded beach where loud music was playing, and drunk people were either grinding on each other or fucking in the ocean. He scoffed at the exhilarating freedom those people must be savoring, knowing that by tomorrow, some of them wouldn’t be there to celebrate anymore. On the other hand, it wasn’t his fault that they chose the wrong side.

Jalen quickly pulled out his phone, texting Grayson that he was there and telling him to look after him if he wouldn’t call him within the next two hours. Then, he muted his phone, stuffing it back into the pockets of his worn-down jeans while putting on some random base cap he found in the trunk. Lighting a cigarette, he passed some couples that were in the middle of making out, not caring about them at all – he was looking for someone different.

The heavy weight of the Glock that was pushed into his underwear was something he was used to by now, even though he wasn’t one to use it on a regular basis. Like already said, he wasn’t the one to do that. The diablo’s hierarchy was strict, no one could ever come even near the rank that Grayson Dolan had, that was for sure. But Jalen, he was a close second, maybe even qualified enough to be called the vice president. He was still out there in the streets, looking for his rookies sometimes, but most of his business was behind a desk, just like Grayson’s. Neither of them was the one to have blood on their hands, why else would they have hundreds of members following their instructions?

This time was different, though. Jalen couldn’t sleep over the fact that someone else could be the one to kill this motherfucker, the one that seduced his girlfriend, the one that had her pinned underneath his body when he was out there on a business meeting with Grayson. He found out rather quickly, he left no one he was close to without observation, but he couldn’t believe that the whore he used to think of as a loving girlfriend would ever dare to cheat on him with Kyle Houck. This edgy, wannabe tattooed bastard? Yeah, no chance that he’ll be surviving this night.

11:43 PM

The beach got more crowded as the time passed by, but Kyle Houck was yet nowhere to be found. Jalen has updated Grayson, talked to a few other gang members that were there as well, but neither of them has seen the target yet. Jalen grew nervous and impatient, wanting this night to be over as soon as possible to head back home where his younger sister was possibly waiting for him. Y/N never liked the thought of him being part of this gang, even though she didn’t know what exactly he was doing in there. But he loved his family, wanting them to be protected for the rest of their lives – and Grayson was one of the few people that could help him with that.

Sunday, 14th August 2016. 12:18 AM

A mob of teal hair passed Jalen’s field of vision, causing him to be more attentive than he’s already been, following the colorful head with his eyes, slowly walking after him without getting noticed by the dancing crowd. Sweaty bodies were pressed against his and Jalen couldn’t help but cringe at that, hating all those people but envying them at the same time. Their life was easy and fun, his on the other hand was full of risks and worries, weighing too heavy on his shoulders.

The gun he had checked multiple times by now was burning into his skin, ready to be used any moment from now, but Jalen had to wait, not wanting to cause a mass hysteria. Kyle walked further down the beach to a part where just a few random people were standing with red cups in their hands, probably talking somewhere quieter. Jalen acted as if he was concentrated on his phone. ‘Got him” was sent to Grayson before he raised his glance just to be found right across from Kyle motherfucking Houck. Jalen was quick to grab his weapon, but Kyle was faster – and smiled down at him. “Hello there”, he grinned while almost softly caressing his own gun.

“Houck”, Jalen spoke through gritted teeth, loading his gun while pointing it at his opponent. The tattooed man laughed at his reaction, angling his head. “What brings you to our side of the beach, Y/L/N? This is Angelo Vendicatore territory and it makes you”, he steps closer to him, “our prey.”

Just then, Jalen realized where he was, surrounded by AV members. “Fuck”, he hissed, reaching into his pockets with one hand to press the quick call button that was holding Grayson’s number while still looking at Kyle, but he was too late. Just as Jalen was about to make his only shot – a shot that had to be on point -, he heard a loud noise followed by the worst pain he had ever felt. His ears were ringing, and his body was on fire, a loud scream escaping his lips as he randomly shot his bullet into Kyle’s direction, not even hitting him in the process, before he fell to the ground with a loud groan. “Y/N”, was all he could say, not wanting to leave his sister yet, needing to see her finally get a man, build up a family, moving out of their parent’s house. He promised to take care of them, but he broke his promise. He broke his life goal. Laughs and applause was heard, but he couldn’t concentrate on that while feeling such pain. Jalen cried, not caring about it at all, his vision getting blurry and his breaths coming shorter than he’d like them to come. He felt so, so cold and he was hurt. Flashes enlightened somewhere in the corner of his eyes, knowing that someone must either film this scenario or at least take enough pictures to threaten Grayson with them.

By all goods, he just hoped Y/N would never be able to see them.

Y/N. With the thought of his sister, he closed his eyes one last time.

Late July, 2019

“Maybe you should go for it, Y/N. I know what they say about el diablo, but he never disrespects any of his girls – and you’ll be save around there. Jalen is dead, we can’t change that. It’s been over three years, you need to get your head back up, honey”, Zavi mumbles while scrolling through different web pages, looking for a better job opportunity than dancing in a night club. You sigh, pulling some of your thick braids in a knot. “I know that he’s dead, Zav, thanks for reminding me”, you shake your head, trying to get rid of the tears forming in your eyes. “But it’s el diablo, he’s known for killing people! What if I fall down the pole or anything like that? He fucking killed his twin brother’s fiancé because she was pregnant, and he wanted to get out of the gang!”

It was true, Grayson Dolan wasn’t known to be the nicest human being on earth, he killed many people – not that anything was proven by the police -, but people around the streets knew what he was able to do. He might not be the one to kill those people himself, but he for sure was the one that shoot the shot in this woman’s heart, enjoying the view of her falling to the ground, crying out her baby’s name while Ethan had to watch the entire time, not being able to move. Grayson’s men were holding him down, making him feel every bit of pain his fiancé had to feel, watching her life end while tears burnt his cheeks. Soon enough, her eyes showed no emotions anymore, her mouth hang open, but no sound came out, her heart stopped beating, still losing blood. And the baby never made its way into the daylight. At least, that’s what the rumors said.

Rumors said also, that Ethan killed himself right after that, others said that he managed to leave the gang, joining another one while promising to ruin Grayson Dolan’s life. But no one knows for sure what happened after that one special night. You didn’t know who exactly killed your brother, but you for sure knew that Ethan Grant Dolan was still alive, running the Angelo Vendicatore like his life depended on it. Yet, not many people have seen him ever since that night, leaving him to be as mysterious as you could imagine.

“Y/N, stop it! It’s your decision, I could totally talk to my boss if we have another spot left in the team, but you were the one that said working in a pet store isn’t going to pay your rent”, Zavi shakes her head while writing the number of the DEVILISH-nightclub down. “That’s the number I found online. Give them a call, maybe even just go there to introduce yourself, I don’t think Grayson Dolan himself will be the one to decide who’s going to work there or not. He’s probably too busy buying and selling drugs.” She shrugs her shoulders before standing up and pressing a kiss to her best friend’s cheek. “I’ll call you tonight, okay?” You just sit there and nod, still thinking about Grayson Dolan, while Zavi was already on her way out of the small apartment.

You knew you were in desperate need for a job, your parents didn’t even bother sending you any money to pay the rent when they moved away over two years ago, leaving you in the city where your brother was buried, but not wanting to live there themselves anymore. You on the other hand couldn’t imagine living anywhere else, Los Angeles was the city you grew up in, so many memories you had in each and every street that you could never leave that town. It was the city of angels during the day, but the city of the devil in the night – the city of el diablo, the city of Grayson Dolan.

Letting out another sigh, you quickly type in the nightclub’s number in your phone, breathing in a few times before pressing the call button, letting it ring for a while, but nobody answered. “Seems like I need to go there on my own”, you huff before standing up, taking a deeper look into your wardrobe, searching for an outfit to wear while having a job interview at a night club as a stripper.

You, of course, didn’t know what to expect there, trying to be prepared for anything that could happen. Starting off with a shower, an intense shaving session and you even exfoliated your skin to make it extra smooth. “I should’ve gone to the waxing appointment with Zavi.” You muttered, annoyed at the amount of time you just spent shaving, knowing that by tomorrow you’d for sure be covered in stubble again.

Now onto the big decision: what was the best way to show off your body, but not looking like a whore? On the other hand, it was a strip club, you might need to show off more than you usually would. You were standing in front of your full body mirror, the opened wardrobe right next to it, clothes were shattered all around your feet, some on top of your bed, but you felt like neither of them fitted. Usually, you’d go out in oversized band shirts and leggings or high waisted jeans, completely fitting into the whole “grunge/arthoe”-aesthetic without even trying. You didn’t like to dress up, all your clothes were comfortable but still cool looking, completely fitting your tattooed body. If you’d ever dance for el diablo’s nightclub, you’d dance in an outfit you feel good in.

Around an hour later, you decided on wearing a black button up skirt that ended mid-thigh and was tight, hugging the curves of your butt perfectly, showing off what you’ve got. Usually, you’d combine that skirt with a jeans jacket and an oversized shirt, knotted above your stomach, but that just wasn’t sexy enough. Grayson Dolan had the most beautiful, exotic woman dancing for him, skinny girls with porcelain-like skin, completely different from your dark skin and tattooed, curvy body. Back in the days people would call you out different names, not realizing that your skin color didn’t make your personality. You are black, who cares? You couldn’t change that anyways – and you love your skin, love the way it makes your light green eyes pop out and how white your teeth looked even though you were literally running on coffee.

One problem you’ve always had with finding cute tops was that your boobs were too big to wear most of them. That’s why you always decided onto something loose, showing off your hips and butt instead of your cleavage, but you felt strong and confident tonight, deciding on wearing a leather harness-bralette with some fishnet long sleeve over it. You’d totally dig some fishnet tights as well, but wouldn’t want to overdo it just yet, needing to find a pair of shoes fitting to that outfit. For you, it was usually either a pair of Doc Martens or some sneakers, but for today you decided to go with your old Jeffrey Campbell heels, the ones you wanted to badly but never wore them because they were made out of black leather and covered in studs. Well, tonight was the night.

LA’s streets were still filled with people, even though it was around 11 PM now. You didn’t like going out there alone, walking the streets on your own without anyone to protect you – especially in that outfit. For your hair and makeup, you kept it quite simple: bold brows, eyeliner and mascara, some highlighter and lip gloss. But still, you were popping out in the nightlife, people were looking at you with confused looks on their faces, eyeing you up and down. Your tattoos were always something that society didn’t seem to accept, making it quite hard for you to find a job these days, but you would never even think about getting them removed, they were a bigger part of you than your actual self. Your arms were sleeved up, mandalas and dotwork covering your left arm while your right one was filled up with beautiful flowers. Medusa’s head was covering your lower stomach, disappearing in your underwear – where it for sure continues, the snakes winding up around your belly button.

But your favorite piece so far was the ox skull right under your boobs, its horns going up on the sides of your boobs, while a dagger was placed between them. Some smaller tattoos were splattered around your legs, some of them stick and poked by yourself or your brother, but you loved all of them equally. You made your body even more beautiful than it already was by putting your own art onto it.

It was quite a walk to the DEVILISH-nightclub, but once you started to hear music you already knew it wouldn’t be as far anymore. The loud bass was already accelerating your heartbeat, making your stomach jump in both fear and excitement, but you were still more than just nervous. Your feet stopped abruptly; it was your last chance to head back home now. The red and pink sign of the nightclub was so bright that you had to squint your eyes to read it, making sure you were in the right spot. DEVILISH. There it was. Either your future or your death, you couldn’t know by now. Biting your lip in anticipation and agitation, you decided to stay there for a while to watch people enter the club.

Not everyone could get inside, you got to realize that so far. Boys in a sweater and joggers? Nope. Girls without makeup or high heels? Nope. Any other person that looked wealthy and arrogant, maybe even dangerous? Sure, come on in.

That was probably one of your biggest problems: the audience, the clienté. Those people, who will be watching you move your ass on stage. Those people, who probably wouldn’t even think about shooting someone your skin color. It was dangerous, you knew that, but it was also your only chance to stay in Los Angeles. You take one more deep breath, straighten your posture as you walk towards the line, waiting until you were the one in front of the bouncer. He raises an eyebrow at you, waiting for you to explain yourself while checking out your outfit.

“I want to…”, you cough, trying to control your shaky voice. “I want to dance for this club. My friend told me I could just come over to give you a sneak peak of what I’m able of?” The bouncer looked at you in confusion before speaking into his headset, unsure of what to do with the girl in front of him. You tried to resist the urge to bite on your bottom lip, not wanting to, first off: act like you’re weak and second: not wanting to smudge your gloss. His deep voice asks for your ID card, repeating your name, address and date of birth to the other person who probably must check your criminal past. Luckily, you had none that was written down by the police. With one last nod, he opened the curtain for you to walk through, wishing you good luck.

You were overwhelmed by everything that happened right now; your senses couldn’t even react to all the action around you. It didn’t smell like alcohol or sweat like most of the clubs you’ve been into, it actually smelt pretty nice; like a mixture of grapefruit, ginger and even coffee, maybe. Step for step, you dare to walk in further, carefully having an eye on the people that you passed on your way, one prettier than the other. Blonde goddesses, tall businessman, all dressed in Louis or Gucci. You looked down at your own outfit, frowning while doing so. It wasn’t anything expensive, nothing too daring and suddenly, you don’t feel as confident as you did a few minutes ago. You felt cheap, not worthy to dance in front of those people. As if they’d watch you, if they could enjoy a show by the other, prettier, more experienced dancers.

“Are you Y/N?”, a sudden voice tears you out of your thoughts, making you turn around with a quiet shriek. Right in front of you, there’s this woman and you could swear to god, she was the most attractive person you’ve ever seen. She was so tall, you had to tilt your head back to look her in the – bright blue, of course – eyes. She didn’t wear much make up, but she didn’t even need to. Her skin was flawless, her lashes long enough to just be coated by a simple layer of mascara and her lips, god her lips. They were covered in a nude gloss, looking so soft and plumb, you scolded yourself for always chewing on yours, which looked nothing like hers. “Yes, I am, ma’am. Y/N Y/L/N.”

The mysterious woman smiles down at you, offering you her perfectly manicured hand to shake. “I’m Lia, nice to meet you, honey. I got told you wanted to dance for us?” Her smile was still prominent, revealing two rows of beautiful teeth and two cute little dimples. You nod, still more than cowed by her appearance. “Don’t worry, love, our team is nice and loving, the girls will love you!”, Lia cheers while grabbing your hand and walking you to a huge door, typing in some code to open it, motioning for you to walk through it first. Somehow, you couldn’t help but grin at the hectic woman in front of you, nodding quickly while walking through the door with your head raised, making you look more self confident. Suddenly, you didn’t bother your outfit anymore, even though everyone else was dressed differently – it was your style, your dance and most importantly your body.

“You don’t need to be nervous, you won’t dance today, we just all need to get to know you first”, Lia smiles at you sympathetically while guiding you through the long hallway – the clubs music was nowhere to be heard anymore. “Currently, we’ve got 7 wonderful dancers, most of them are American, but we’ve got one beautiful Asian queen and a European goddess, we’d love to have someone like you in our team as well!” You cringed at her comment. ‘Someone like you’, what were you like? Were you different? Was it the tattoos or the color of your skin? “Oh, shit. I didn’t mean it like that!”, Lia cringes as well, trying to make the best out of the situation. “Don’t worry, it’s fine”, you mumble while looking around.

Just as if she was reading your mind, Lia points to another huge door. “There we are, it might be a bit confusing to walk through this long ass hallway, but Mister Dolan just wants us to be save from all those… people. You know, our clienté isn’t always the nicest, you’ve probably heard the story about our club and why it is called DEVILISH. But don’t worry, until now, nothing bad has ever happened, Gra- Mister Dolan just wants to know us in safety if something would happen.” You nod, waiting for Lia to enter the code to open the door, letting her step inside first this time.

“Okay, this is basically where we hang out before our show starts, we get ready in here, we eat in here and after the show, we could shower or take a bath in here as well. Mister Dolan offers each of us a room to sleep in whenever we need to make more customers, whenever we need a place to sleep or when we’re just too tired to head home, maybe having one too many drinks.” Lia smiles at the thought, she’s probably been sleeping here quite often. “He takes good care of us, Y/N, don’t listen to all those bad stories people tell about him. He has had a rough past, losing his brother like that, you know? I’m sorry for him”, she sighs before eyeing your outfit the second time this evening. “I love your skirt! And those shoes, god damned, I wanted to get them too, but I couldn’t figure out where to wear them. Well, by now I would know. Anyways, let’s find at least two of our lovely girls.” Lia starts walking through the different rooms, showing you the bathrooms with those luxurious bathtubs that made you think about the old one back in your apartment that you never used because you were kind of disgusted by how old and rusty it was. Usually, you’d just hop in the shower, scrub your body and jump out again before the cold water was actually hitting you. This seemed… nice.

Soon enough, you were introduced to a small Asian girl, also covered in tattoos, but a different style than yours. Hers were more comic book looking, some Ghibli figures dancing on her skin, some bright colorful ones, not fitting into your black and white scheme. “Oh my god, hi! I’m Yun Hee, but you can go for Yun, it’s easier and easier to remember, I guess. I’m glad we get another tatted bad bitch for our team!”, she hugs you, glitter spreading all over your body while you hesitantly wrap your arms around her as well. “I hope you’re going to make it, Mister Dolan is here tonight”, she whispers the last part into your ear, not looking at Lia, “He’s a sucker for his girls ass and can’t say no to a lap dance, especially when it comes to a girl with a body like yours.” Yun slapped your ass with a cheeky grin, watching as it bounces while you couldn’t hold in a small laughter. “I didn’t know I had to dance in front of him… I thought I’d just dance for you and you girls decide whether I’m in or not…”

Yun nodded with a knowing frown but got back to her cheerful self within seconds. “Anyways, I need to fix my make-up, I’m sure you’ll do fine! I’ll let Lia know to give you my number, tell me how it went then, okay?” Then, she was gone. And you? You were even more insecure, biting your lip in anticipation while looking around to find Lia. Instead, you stepped in front of the many full-length body mirrors, eyeing your outfit once more this evening, not sure if you want to do this anymore. You should’ve asked Yun about the costumers, the loan and Grayson Dolan.

“Y/N, there you are! Mister Dolan would like to see you perform, now. Don’t be nervous, I’m sure he’ll love you! I hope he does, good luck!”, with that, Lia pushes you through another door, leaving you alone in a dark room with dimmed lights, a little platform for you to stand on and a dark blue velour couch. You take in another deep breath, trying to calm down all your anxious thoughts before raising your head, letting your eyes adjust to the darkness.

And then you saw him. Erebus. El diablo. Grayson Dolan himself. Staring at him, you couldn’t move at all, hypnotized by his stunning looks, now understanding why he was named after the devil himself. He looked hot as hell.

“Hello, angel.” His deep chuckle brought you back from your trance, causing your breath to hitch slightly. You finally dared to really look at him, practically sucking in his appearance. His eyes even managed to sparkle in those lights, prominent eyebrows giving him that intimidating look and those, combined with his tight, chiseled jaw just left you like a shy little schoolgirl, dreaming of his attractive teacher. He tilted his head in amusement, raising one of those sharp brows at you. “Did something bite off your tongue? Or are you just so wet by just seeing me that you can’t move without dripping down your long thighs, baby?” Now it was your turn to raise your eyebrow, mocking his amused face while stepping towards him.

“Not the slightest, Mister Dolan. I came to dance for you and that’s what I’m going to do, yet I couldn’t get any preparation time. Is there any chance to change the lights and let me choose a song of my liking?” Your loose tongue causes his fists to clench, but he was somehow impressed, no girl would ever contradict him, especially none of those dancer girls. “Suit yourself, angel.” He crosses his arms while sliding back onto the couch with spread legs, making himself comfortable while taking a deeper look at your dark skin, covered in all those pieces of art. And that outfit, that no other of his girls would ever choose because it wasn’t as slutty, not as cliché. But on you, it looked amazing. You looked like a bad ass bitch – exactly what he was looking for these days. Mentally, he took a note on observing you the next couple weeks, minding something bigger for you already.

Soon enough, the lights turned a dark red, making you almost disappear as you slowly walked onto the platform as “DEVILISH” by Chase Atlantic started to fill the room.

SEVER OFF THE HEAD AND WATCH THE BODY FALL, SEE YOU IN THE DEPTHS, THAT AIN’T A METAPHOR.

SEX, BLOOD, FASHION DRIPPING HOLY WATER. HOLY SHIT, SHE WORSHIPPING MY DICK LIKE IT’S THE HOLY FATER.

As soon as the calming, yet rough voice fills your ears, you couldn’t help but slowly sway to the rhythm of the song you chose wisely – referring to Grayson, to his nightclub and his life. You’ve had lots of dancing experience, even took some pole dance classes, but dancing in front of the devil himself wasn’t something you could ever come prepared for. The beat started to get faster, making you run towards the pole and jump up on it, letting it turn you around multiple times with your head hanging low, bringing you closer to the floor with every rotation. Once your fingertips brushed past it, you let yourself fall until your back was hitting it as well, turning around to crawl onto the floor while opening your legs for him, humping the parquet twice.

TRIPLE THE SIX, I’M BLAMING YOUR GOD ‘CAUSE HE DON’T EXIST, I KEEP THE BEAT, ONLY TALK A FEW WEEKS THEN I CUT OFF YOUR WRISTS.

MEDICATION GOT MY HIGHER THAN HEAVEN BUT BRO I’M THE SHIT, BETTER FIX I SAVED FOR HADES, I’M POPPIN’ THE PILLS WHEN I’M SICK.

You didn’t dare to break the eye contact with the intimidating man in front of you, watching every of his reactions, trying to read his mind – but he was a professional in keeping his poker face up, not showing you any kind of emotion. Biting your lip in anticipation, you continue your dance routine, climbing back onto the pole until you were about to reach the ceiling, when you pushed your feet of the secureness, holding yourself up by just your arms while walking through the air, slowly circling around again. Then, just as the beat intensifies again, you press your back against the turning pole, crossing your feet over it while slowly tracing your silhouette with one of your hands. Your thick braids were flying through the air, your abs clenched, and you were slowly but sure getting out of breath, but you would never give up.

I ONLY EXIST TO FALL, HAPPENS LIKE THE GHOST OF GOD, I JUST WANT TO LET THEM GO. FEELING HOMESICK, FIRE UP THAT BLUNT, BITCH. SHUT UP.

DEVILISH, FUCKING WITH MY GUYS, YUH. I MAKE SACRIFICES, YOU MAKE LIES UP. HEAVEN LOST AN ANGEL WHEN I SIGNED UP, I MIGHT FUCK YOUR FRIEND, I MADE MY MIND UP.

Just as the music hits its peak, you pulled yourself up with your right hand, bringing your legs over your head in a split, spinning the pole even faster than before. Your legs were now above you, your head stretched away from the pole and hands working as wings, as you slow down a bit, winding around it like a snake. Taking a deep breath, knowing the next move must be perfect, you jump back up to the highest point, wrapping your legs around the pole as you let yourself hang from it like a bat, opening your arms while waiting for the next beat drop. Once it comes, you let yourself fall to the floor in a horrific pace, a move you usually just dared to show off when you were drunk. Just as your nose was about to hit the floor, you quickly let go of the pole with a somersault.

Grayson raised an eyebrow, impressed with your performance and shifting in his seat while waiting what’s next to come. You couldn’t hide a smirk while crawling towards him with swinging hips, enjoying the desirable glance he shoots towards you.

I’M DEVILISH, YUH. I’M DEVILISH, YUH. I’M DEVILISH, YUH. I’M DEVILISH, YUH.

Looking up at Grayson with a slightly innocent look, you climb up on his lap, debating whether to touch him or not. This man was out of your league, yet, you had to compel him, to seduce him like you would with any other man that was watching you perform. Without even thinking about it twice, you grab the collar of his dress shirt, playing with it while smiling down at him. You didn’t press your crotch against his – yet -, but you could feel his hips move to the beat as well, eyeing your entire body up and down

It wasn’t part of your choreography, but you bite your lip while placing his huge hands on your hips and pull off your fishnet shirt with them, wrapping it around his neck as if it was a scarf, giving him a view seconds to enjoy the view of your impressive cleavage. Then, you turn around quickly, pressing your back against his toned chest while using his hands again to roam your body, while wriggling around in his lap in a slow pace.

DEVILISH, SAY THE PART YOU LOVE ME, YUH. I DON’T WANNA TALK, JUST SAY THE PART YOU LOVE ME, YUH.

SETTLE DOWN, YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE ME DRIVE THE DEVIL OUT, YOU DON’T WANNA SEE MY DEMONS IN YOUR FUCKING HOUSE, YOU DON’T WANNA FACE DAMAGE IN YOUR MENTAL HOUSE.

Once the slow part was over and the beat dropped again, your let yourself fall right down onto his dick, earning a quiet gasp from Grayson, his hands tightening around your waist as you started to grind down on him, hands buried in his perfect styled hair. Just as his hands were about to travel further down your waist and you feel something starting to grow underneath you, you get out of his lap to dance around him while softly pressing down onto his shoulder. Once you were standing behind him, you let your nose brush against his neck, breathing in his heavy but delicious after shave, knowing that this man had to smell good. Your clothed tits were pressed against his shoulders as you gently bit down onto his earlobe, loving the way he twitched underneath you. Placing your hands on the couch upholstery, you lifted yourself up in a handstand above him, rolling down back onto his lap as the song finally comes to an end.

I TAKE DRUGS ON THE DAILY, I TAKE PITY ON THE PEOPLE WHO TRY TO SAVE ME, GOD DOESN’T EXIST AND EVEN IF HE COULD, OH BITCH YOU WOULD NEVER CATCH ME PRAYING.

Within seconds, you had your shirt back on and were standing in front of Grayson, raising an eyebrow at him, waiting for him to say anything. He, on the other hand, keeps on looking at you, burning you with his stare. Just as you grew impatient, he opened his mouth. “Where have you been all my life, angel?” He stands up, walking right up to you while pressing his warm palm against your cheek, almost stroking you. “Definitely not here, Mister Dolan”, you chuckle as you stepped back once more. “Well, what is your opinion on me, Sir? Will I be able to dance for your clienté?” He hated the fact that you were running away from his touch, but he loved playing games, he loved a challenge.

“Well, Miss Y/L/N”, he chuckled in his intimidating deep voice, “I do think you’d fit in perfectly, but”, he stopped once more, just to build up some tension, “why would I let you dance for me, angel? What would you do to deserve your wings? How important is this job for you? Tell me your story.” He was way too interested in her to just let her go like this, no. He needed to know everything, needed to know if she was the one. The woman he was seeking for, the woman he needed to finish off his plans.

“I’m sorry to tell you, Mister Dolan, but I don’t think my past is important for you to hire me, isn’t it? All you need to know it that I’m available on the daily, I will dance for you, your friends and your… costumers. I don’t mind if it’s one man or twelve, I’d still be up for it if the payment is high enough. I’m not for free, you won’t be able to bring me down, I went through way too much to be ordered around by another gang member, even if it’s the leader this time. So, you could either hire me and make some money with my body – a body like no other of your girls has- or I could pay your sweet brother a visit to see what he thinks of my dancing skills. Because I for sure know what’s going on with you two, Mister Dolan. I’m sick of deciding which gang my family belongs to, you know?”, your walk towards him, showing him that you weren’t afraid of him. The thought of your brother, killed by the rival gang, made you feel powerful.

“I once chose my side, don’t let me regret it.” You lift the left side of your bra a bit up, showing off the devil tarot card that held Jalen’s name hidden on your ribcage, always near your heart. “I’m not an angel, nor am I as innocent as you might think, but I am willing to fight for my survival. I am willing to fight for my family, even though I might have lost an important member of it. So, I wouldn’t wait another second to team up with Ethan’s gang, because I don’t want to starve to death, but my brother was part of the diablo’s , I guessed it would be just the best to follow his footsteps.”

Grayson’s eyes widen in shock before he frowns, pulling you even closer to look at the healed tattoo – you had to have it for quite some time now, not seeing any fresh ink or crust to show some healing process. “How long?”, he mumbles while secretly checking out your other tattoos. You didn’t even have to think about it for a long time, always remembering the night you got the tattoo together with Jalen.

“About three years ago, when my brother got his tattoo, he made me get the same one – I didn’t know what it meant, though. I thought it was like a brother-sister thing to do, get matching tattoos and stuff. But once he…”, you cough to swallow the lump in your throat, trying to find your voice again, “But once he died, I quickly found out what that tattoo meant. He wanted me to be safe if something happens to him. I knew I never had some receptive ritual or something like that, but I already have the tattoo – wouldn’t it be a shame to get it covered by Gabriel?”

“It would be a total shame, princess. You deserve an angel on your skin, but not that one”, he walks around you, acting like he’s inspecting you, as if he hadn’t seen enough of you during your performance. “Who was your brother, darling? Must have been someone I know, otherwise he wouldn’t be that confident of me securing his little sister.” Well, you haven’t thought through that part of you actually telling Grayson who your brother was, not knowing which position he had in the gang or if Grayson even liked him. On the other hand, you really didn’t want to know what your brother did, whether it was a simple drug deal or being the cause of someone’s death. It doesn’t matter, just because of this gang shit, Jalen ended up being the death one.

“Jalen, Sir. Jalen Y/L/N..“, you mumbled while lowering your head, afraid of his reaction. “Jalen? Jalen had a sister?”, Grayson raised his eyebrows once more, balling his hands to tight fists. “I never knew about his family. Okay, listen to me, Y/N. You should’ve been searching for me a long time ago, Jalen didn’t die for no reason, you got me?” You just nodded; eyes wide in shock.

“Jalen was somewhat of my right hand, he helped me do… lots of things, I guess. But they know who he was, probably checked out his family as well, but nobody ever knew he had a sister.” Grayson paces through the room, the red light making him look even angrier than he already was. “Where are your parents?” Biting your lip, you quickly answered. “Gone, they moved away as soon as they found out about his death – but I couldn’t leave the city I grew up in, I’ve got too many memories here. And I want revenge.” Your voice sounded stronger than you felt in this moment, but Grayson looked at you with an impressed glance, nodding in agreement. “That’s what I wanted to hear, angel. Okay, here’s what I could give to you: a place to stay that’s absolutely safe, money or whatever you’ll need to keep living your life and I promise you: you’ll get your revenge. But I need you to do something as well, angel. Are you willing to do something for me in return?”

“Yes, Sir. But you don’t need to do all those things for me, I’d be fine with a somewhat good paid job. I don’t need a new place to live in…”, you suddenly grew nervous again, not knowing what he had up for you. “Really, I don’t want to bother you, Mister Dolan.” “Stop talking, would ya? As Jalens sister, I owe you more than you think. This man saved my life way too many times.” He shakes his head with a chuckle before continuing. “And don’t worry, my house has more than enough rooms, I wouldn’t even know you’re there. Anyways, I think you’d look quite good by my side, don’t you think? So, in return I want you to keep me company whenever I need to do important stuff. I want you to dress up pretty for me, lull my business partners and who knows, maybe you could be the one to finally ruin my brother. I know you’ve got your brothers blood in your veins as well. You’re a fighter, angel. Would you like to fight on my side?”

Grayson steps towards you, placing his hands on your waist as he whispers the last couple words against your lips, leaving you gasp in excitement. “You sure, Sir? I don’t know if I’d look that good by your side, I-“ “Oh angel, you don’t know how you’d look in Louis, in Gucci or even in Balenciaga? All those brands would be glad if you wore them, pretty girl. Where’s that skirt from, Forever 21? You deserve better.” His soothing words left you with goosebumps along your spine, making you shudder under his touch. “It’s actually H&M…”, you whispered, ashamed of your cheap outfit that probably hasn’t even cost half the price of his underwear. His fingertips were currently tracing your jawline while you were still thinking about his offer.

“What do you mean by living in your house, though? I mean… I do have my own apartment, there’s no need of me moving in with you. But I’d totally be fine with escorting you to your business meetings. And I wouldn’t say no to a nice dress. I came to dance, so that’s one thing I’d love to do for your club, Mister Dolan”, you giggled at the thought of something more expensive covering your body, knowing that Grayson wouldn’t be hesitating in buying you all the designers you loved. “I just offered you anything you could dream of, but you still want to dance in front of hungry men? What did I just got myself into”, he chuckled while nodding in agreement. “Fine, you can put on your show on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but on the other days, your body will me mine, angel. And about the living situation: we’ll be discussing that later, for now you can go home and think about everything. Tomorrow, you’ll be having a little shopping spree on your own, okay?” He hands you his credit card while grinning down at you. “Visit La Perla for me, darling. I bet you’d look great in salmon colored silk.” With that, he left you standing alone in that dimmed light, holding nothing but a black credit card in your hands – not knowing what to do with it.

“So, you’re really telling me that he not only offered you a job, but also to live with him in his freaking mansion? And that you denied that?”, Zavi shakes her head at you, blowing nose through her nose in disapproval. The two of you were currently wandering through your local mall, searching for some nice stage outfits. Grayson’s credit card was burning holes through your wallet, but you denied on using it, not wanting to waste any of his money for something you’d earn your own money with. Just as you walked past a small store called La Perla, you smirked while pulling Zavi with you into it. “Y/N! This store is out of our price range, c’mon, even looking at those pieces will make me poor”, Zavi whined as you showed her Grayson’s credit card. “It’s on el diablo. Don’t worry, I guess he won’t even realize that some money is missing. He told me to spoil myself, so why not spoiling my best friend too?” You shrugged while looking through the different lingerie sets, some of them out of complete mesh, others of lace – which you absolutely adored, packing 4 sets into your basket, knowing they’d look stunning on your body. But one pair of silky lingerie caught your eye, salmon colored and absolutely wonderful, you didn’t even dare to touch it. Zavi didn’t even bother to put that one into your basket as well, grinning at you while showing off her teeth. “Make him greedy for you, girl. Try it on, I need to see it!” She shoved you into the dressing room, handing you your basket after putting some more lingerie in there.

You put on one after another set, actually feeling yourself and smiling into the mirror with such a confidence, you couldn’t help but step out to show Zavi your favorite set so far – the one that Grayson suggested. It pushed up your tits to their maximum without looking too fake, but those panties were a different level. They were short, revealing but sitting on your hips like they were meant to be there. You turned around, showing her the fabric that was hidden in between your cheeks, showing the roundness of them perfectly. “Fuck, Y/N you look so hot, you’re driving my pan sexual ass crazy”, Zavi moaned at the view you gave her. Just then, you saw a familiar silhouette passing the dressing rooms, making you chuckle. “Hey stranger, what do you think of it? Or would you like to enjoy a show later on?” You would’ve guessed it was Grayson, following you on your little trip to see if you were about to spend his last coin, but the person that was now standing in front of you definitely wasn’t Grayson. “Oh, that color suits you pretty well. But let me tell you, I bet baby blue suits your skin even better.” You stood there in shock, not being able to speak up while letting your eyes travel the person that looked so similar to Grayson that it couldn’t be a coincidence. “Oh, I’m sorry, what a shame to not introduce myself. I am Ethan”, he holds out his hand for you to shake and as soon as your smaller one touched his, you felt instant rage boiling up your skin. But instead, you smiled.

“Well, hello Ethan. I’m Y/N, always up for help when it comes to finding a new style. Is there anything specific you’d suggest for me?”

You instantly regret going out in your sweatpants and some tank top you found laying on your floor, your face was free of any make up, wishing you had at least put some effort in doing your eyebrows. It was a one time chance to meet Ethan Grant Dolan, talking to him without him knowing who you were. “Oh, for sure, pretty girl. I see, you already chose some lace, that’s always been a secret love of mine, I adore women in lace”, Ethan closes his eyes, imagining you stripping down in front of him, wearing nothing but those see-through lace panties.

“Yeah, I can totally imagine you in that set”, he pointed over to a cute baby blue set with flowery lace detailing. “Oh, Ethan, this is so pretty!”, you smiled at the set, putting it into your basket willingly. On the inside, you were rolling your eyes at him being that easy to compel. Shouldn’t he be crying over his dead wife? This Ethan wasn’t someone you expected him to be.

“Let me buy that for you, Y/N. It’s going to be my treat for you, hoping I’d be the one to see you wearing it one day.” “Oh, Ethan, I can’t accept that, this lingerie is way to expensive to let a stranger pay for me…”, you pouted while Zavi giggled.

“You like being a challenge, huh? I won’t be a stranger to you for long, baby”, he grabbed the lingerie to go and pay for it while you rolled your eyes as soon as he was out of your sight. “Such a fucking dumbass”, you huffed to your best friend. “As if I’d be in to fuck the guy that-“

“Here I am, babe.” Ethan hands you a little bag while smirking at you. “I put my number in there as well, I surely hope you’re giving me a call or at least some pictures to strengthen my opinion on you in lace.” He kisses your cheek before winking at Zavi one last time, disappearing into the crowd of people outside that store.

Later that night, when you finally unpacked all the clothes and make up you bought, you decided on enjoying a nice bath and some Sushi in the tub while listening to music. Sadly, your pampering night got interrupted by the annoying ring tone of your phone, the display showing some unknown number. “Hello?”, you asked while chewing on a big chunk of avocado maki, snorting at the amount of wasabi you put on that piece. “Angel.” Grayson’s soft voice made you almost drop your chopsticks into the water, choking on the Sushi. “Mister Dolan.” You tried to sound professional, but which professional would ever decide on eating maki in their bathtub? “How is my princess? I was hoping to see you tonight, there’s still some things we need to figure out. Are you free?” “I guess I am, Sir. When and where to you want to meet up?” Opening the drain, you stepped out of the tub while grabbing a towel from your heater, wrapping it around your body and looking for your body lotion.

“I don’t mind coming over to your house, would you?” Grayson asked casually, causing you to sigh in relief. “I’d like that, Mister Dolan. Would mean I don’t need to get dressed nicely”, you giggled while walking towards your bedroom, looking through all those beautiful pieces of lingerie you got with his – and Ethan’s - credit card today. “Fine, I’ll be there soon, angel.”

Minutes have passed and you grew more and more nervous, debating whether to wear something nice or casual, whether to wear make up or not. Well, you chose the same pair of sweatpants from before combined with a basic tight black crop top, trying to look at least somewhat sexy. Not knowing what Grayson had on his mind, you just set your brows in place with some brow gel but didn’t waste time on foundation or mascara. Then, your doorbell interrupted your upcoming anxiety attack, leaving you with one more spritz of your perfume before rushing to open the door. And there he was, dressed quite casually, some lose dress pants combined with a simple black hoodie – but he managed to still look stunning. “Good evening, angel”, he grinned at you while shrugging his shoes off. “Can I come in?”

You just nod, still perplexed about how different he looked from yesterday, but you instantly felt so miserable standing next to him in your dirty joggers. “Sure.” Stepping aside, you allow him to come into your cozy little apartment. “Do you want anything to drink? To smoke?” Grayson shakes his head, but you decided to grab a beer just to calm your nerves. “I don’t really have much space to sit, is the couch okay for you, Mister Dolan?”, you bit your lip in discomfort, you’ve never been ashamed about your living situation, but you knew he was used to something much better. “Everything’s fine, angel”, he places his hand on the small of your back while guiding you to your own living room. Once the two of you sat down, Grayson looked at you with such an intimidating look that gave you instant goosebumps.

“So, what I’ve been wanting to talk about was our contract stuff. I know you want to dance for me, but you know that I’ve got different plans for you, right? It wasn’t just a wish of mine to have you move in with me, Y/N. I want you to live by my side from now on, not just as my coworker, more like a… girlfriend. It is hard for me to do all the business meetings alone, to attend anything without someone by my side. The problem is, I can’t trust most people around here. I mean, I could choose any girl from the gang, but… most of them are manlier than I am”, Grayson chuckles while looking at you, “Would you be okay with that? Just keeping me company. You wouldn’t have to dance for all those men, you could be by my side, in my house and live your best life while doing one, two things for me. To be honest, I’ve got plans, most of them maybe not as easy as pole dancing. But I feel like I could trust you – I know that I can trust you, let alone because of Jalen. I owe you something, angel.”

Grayson el diablo Dolan wanted you not to only move in with him, but be some sort of his girlfriend? Shaking your head in shock, you chugged down most of your beer before starring at him in confusion. “Mister Dolan, I don’t understand...” “Grayson”, he interrupted you. “Huh?”, you raised an eyebrow at him, more confused than before. “My name’s Grayson, don’t always call me ‘Mister Dolan’ or ‘el diablo’ that’s kind of weird, you know?” You gulped but shrugged your shoulders.

“Fine, I don’t care what to call you, so Grayson it is. Okay, Grayson. Don’t you think there’s some kind of love needed to ask someone to be their girlfriend? Instead of just asking someone jobwise. I mean, I’m honored, but… I feel like this is so wrong. I’m not an escort or anything like that – and I barely know you. What I know is that you can be really, really dangerous, that you own more money than I could ever dream off and that you could probably pay prettier and more graceful woman to go out with you. I’m not the one to be in the spotlight, Gray”, the nickname slipped off your tongue so easily that you didn’t even bother to correct yourself, “I need to be the girl in the shadows, the mysterious one that dances a few times a week and that’s it. If I was the one by your side, everyone would know me. I’d be everyone’s target.” There it was, the side you didn’t want to show anyone that works – or owns – DEVILISH. Your insecure, anxious self.

But Grayson was fast to react, cupping your face with his large hands, suddenly a soft sparkle in his eyes. “Listen, Y/N. The moment I saw you, I knew that I had to have you. Before you even started to dance, I knew what kind of ride you were – the first girl ever to open her mouth and be not up into my ass like all the others. I’m usually not the type to ask for anything, you should know that. But let me phrase it properly: Will you, Y/N, be my girlfriend? Or will you at least be willing to get to know me better?” He smiled that smile that would melt thousand of hearts in seconds, but you were still frowning, not sure of this situation. “I am willing of getting to know you, Grayson”, you bite your lip while nodding shyly, “But I still want to dance, you know that. I want to get paid the way you pay all your dancers, no benefits, okay? Dancing will be my job, we’ll see about the rest – that will start only in our private time, okay? You can invite me to dinner, I love sushi. Tomorrow, 7PM?” Out of nowhere, you got your confidence back, grinning at the man in front of you. Grayson couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’ve got myself a feisty one, huh? But fine, sushi it is. Wear something nice, though, I may or may not want to take you to another club afterwards”, he winks at you before standing up, looking down at you. “Mind escorting me to the door?” You nod, getting up as well and throwing your braids into a knot, relaxing your neck while doing so. “Oh, by the way. I met the other Dolan twin today. It was quite… interesting, I’d say. He even bought me those”, you giggled while lowering the waist band of your joggers, revealing some of the baby blue lace Ethan bought you earlier that day. “That dumbass even gave me his number, wanting me to send some pics in those.” You rolled your eyes, huffing at the thought of this greasy guy.

Grayson’s eyes widen at your confession, sitting back down on the couch in disbelief. “You met Ethan? And you didn’t tell me earlier? What did he say? What did he do? Does he know who you are? Oh, no, he couldn’t know. Are you going to call him?” “Grayson calm down! He was so weird, acting all flirty and stuff. I mean, I tried to flirt back, but I couldn’t because I kept thinking of Jalen. I still kept his number, though. What do you think?” You sat down next to him, popping your legs on the couch table while looking at the bill that kept Ethan’s number on it. Grayson scratched his beard, thinking about all those possibilities to ruin his brother.

“Tease him, send him pictures, try to get in his pants, I guess. But that would mean you couldn’t be the girl by my side… Mh. Fuck, Y/N that’s one of the best chances I’ve ever got. Okay, wait. Let’s do it like that: we’re still going out, doing all that official business stuff but you keep on hitting on Ethan, trying to convince him that you hate me with all your guts but you’re still with me because of my money, how’s that?”

You scrunched your nose at his idea, shaking your head no. “I’m not the type of girl to do that, Gray. It would be too obvious to be with both of you, don’t you think? I mean, Ethan doesn’t seem that dumb. But, I may or may not have a friend that he flirted to as well. I think she’d be up for it. She loves a challenge – and a good dick to ride on. How’s that? I just slip Zavi Ethan’s number, telling her to send some lingerie pics to him, trying to drive him crazy. And once he’s far up her ass, we’re destroying him and his business.” You raised an eyebrow, giving Grayson an asking look while typing Ethan’s number into your phone, sending Zavi the contact.

“Girl, I love you, I can officially say that. You’re a genius! But I got to say”, he eyes you from head to toe, smirking while doing so, “I think I’d still prefer salmon colored lace or silk on your body. Was your shopping day successful, angel?” You nod with a wide smile, thinking about all those luxurious lingerie sets that were ready to wear in your closet. “Yeah, it was wonderful. I was quite surprised though, I look fine as hell in salmon.” Grayson groaned quietly, nodding his head. “I bet you do, angel. I bet you do. I can’t wait to see it, mind to give me a show? I mean, I paid for it”, he winked at you, making you pout. “But I wanted to wear them for my first dance.”

“Dance for me, then.” Grayson kept his eyes on you, a soft smirk still plastered onto his beautiful lips while you stand up, basically running into your room to change into a nicer outfit. If Grayson wanted a show, he’s totally going to get one. Stripping out of your nasty clothes, you quickly slipped into your new lingerie set after removing the tags on them, turning around in front of your mirror with a proud smile on your lips. Salmon truly looked amazing on you, Grayson was right. You didn’t have a pole montaged into your living room, so you need to improvise in that, probably going for a lap dance or a striptease. One of your new favorite pieces you just bought today was a skin-tight dress made from black faux leather, hugging and stretching around your curves. It had so much cleavage, that you were unsure if your boobs were about to fall out during your dance, but they’d see them anyways – who cares? The back was something different, though. It was held by many straps, covered in rivets, giving it some sort of grunge vibe. To that, you’d usually wear some of your combat boots or over knees, but since you were at home anyways, you went barefoot.

Once you came back into the living room, you saw Grayson on his phone, probably checking up with his gang mates or whatever an important gang leader must do in his free time. Little did you know was that he already booked your dinner at this really fancy sushi place. You walk up to him, coughing quietly. “What’s your favorite song, Gray? What would you like to see me dance to?” You ask while standing in between his legs, caressing his thighs with your thumbs. Grayson lays his head back to take your appearance in, sighing at the view of your hips in that tight ass dress. “Fuck, angel”, he moans while gripping onto your love handles. “You could dance to anything and nothing, I wouldn’t mind at all. Look at you, girl.” He pulls you down onto his lap, smoothing out your braids over your back. “The worst thing is, I kind of know what’s underneath, but I haven’t seen it. So, what about me just ripping off that beautiful dress?”

You shake your head in amusement, standing up again before connecting your phone to the Bluetooth speaker, choosing ‘American Money’ by BØRNS. As soon as the soft bass starts, you sway your hips in front of Grayson, but he just shakes his head, pulling you back onto his lap while holding your chin between his fingers. “I can’t watch you just dance for now, babygirl”, his nose traces your jawline, inhaling your flowery scent with another groan while his hands explore your body. “I need to see you, need to taste you”, he mutters with closed eyes – leaving you almost paralyzed. His fingertips were melting into you skin, while his body was practically molding against yours, leaving no free space for anything. Opening his eyes again, Grayson traces the thin straps of your dress, biting his lip. “This makes you look so naughty, angel. Doesn’t it?” You nod, seeking for more than just his fingertips on your body, aching for his rough touch. “Grayson, please”, you mewl, rolling your lips between your teeth and looking down at him. “Please what, baby? Please, stop?” He grins, waiting for your answer. “No! Please, continue. Please, touch me. Please, remove this fucking dress”, you squirm around in his lap, searching for at least some friction.

“But, Y/N, I thought I came just to talk?”, he removes his hand from your collarbones, smiling innocently at you. Your blood was boiling, not wanting to waste any chance of getting Grayson into your bed. “Yeah, you did, but now I want you to fuck me, Mister Dolan.” Grayson loved the way his name rolled off your tongue, but he loved the sparkle you had in your eyes even more. “What was that, doll?” He needed to hear it once more, needed to hear her begging for more. “I want you to touch me, Gray.” Raising an eyebrow, Grayson gently rubs her back, her hair and her shoulders. “Like this?” You shake your head, whining in impatience. “No, you idiot. I want your hands here”, you place his large hands over your tits, helping him to squeeze them while grinding down on his slowly hardening dick, “while I need your tongue down there.”

His hands were fast to move to the bottom of her dress, rolling it up and revealing the fantastic set of lace that she bought just for him. Grayson breathed out through his opened lips, not believing what he was seeing. “Fuck, I fucking told you”, he emphasizes while quickly laying you down onto the couch, hovering over you with lust filled eyes. His fingers move to the already damp fabric, slowly tracing those flowers out of lace. Squirming, you were the one to remove your dress completely, enjoying his stare with a wide grin. “Look at what you bought, Mister Dolan. Don’t I look pretty for you?” “You look amazing, babygirl. You look like the queen you deserve to be”, Grayson breathes out as he picked you up, your legs tightly wrapped around his waist. “Where’s your bedroom?”

Just as you were about to tell him, Grayson’s phone began to ring, causing him to set you back onto the floor, picking up his phone with a groan. “What?”, he snaps, pinching the bridge of his nose, shooting you a sorry smile which you just shrugged off as you took another sip of your beer to calm your nerves down. You were really about to go there, even though you know nothing about this man besides that he’s fucking dangerous. On the other hand, he could give you anything you wanted, he could make your life hundred times better than it was by now. He had the opportunities – you didn’t. And by now, he was nothing but nice to you, as if he really wanted you by his side. “Taehyung, I already told you not to go that far all by yourself! I swear to god, if you get hurt, I’ll fucking shoot you!” Grayson’s loud voice dragged you out of your thoughts, making you look into his direction in confusion. He quickly mouthed a ‘sorry’ combined with an apologetic grin before continuing to talk. “Just take care, man. Alright, good luck, I’ll be there soon.”

You laughed as soon as Grayson had shoved his phone back into his pockets. “Don’t your own men listen to you, Mister Dolan? Where’s the authority?” Grayson laughed along with you. “Taehyung isn’t one of my… men. He’s most likely my best friend that wants to save my ass more often than I could save his. Speaking of, I need to head over to him before he ends up in the hospital once more.” He presses one soft kiss onto your blushing cheeks before walking towards the door. “I’m sure you’d like him too, but I need you to get to like me first! Tomorrow, 7 PM!”, he shouts before leaving into the dark night, doing whatever he needed to do.

Once your clock hit 6 PM, your nerves started to go wild again. You were pacing around your flat, trying to clean up even though you just spent an entire day cleaning just to calm down. Of course, you were already dressed and did your make up, but you’ve been changing your dress at least 5 times, drew your eyebrows on twice and couldn’t decide for the perfect lip gloss for another solid 15 minutes. Grayson stressed you out, even though your “date” hasn’t even started yet. You spent the entire night thinking about what he had said to you, about the girlfriend thing and living with him, but you were still unsure. He has been nice to you two times, but you didn’t know him, didn’t know what he does in his “job” and you didn’t know if he would be loyal or if all of this would be just for the outer world. All you knew about him was that he was fucking powerful – and that scared you.

At 6.54 PM, Grayson texted you to come outside, so you quickly applied one more layer of lip gloss before slipping into your heels and heading out. Gasping, you couldn’t help but adore the car he was standing in front of: a dark grey Corvette Z06, one of your most favorite cars in the entire world. “Fuck, Grayson”, you basically moaned, walking towards the car, touching it with sparkling eyes. “Hello to you too, angel”, Grayson laughed before pulling you into his arms softly, pressing a kiss to both your cheeks. “I see you like my car for the night?” You not quickly, smiling at him. “Can I drive?” Grayson’s chest moved against your head as he chuckled, looking at you in amusement. “Not tonight, this is one of my favorite cars, I wouldn’t even trust Tae to drive it. C’mon get in!” He guided you to the passenger’s side, opening the door for you and watched you get in before closing it, running over to his side. Once he started the motor, you couldn’t contain your envy. “I will be your girlfriend if I can drive this car. The interior is even better, this car is pure sex.” “Keep on talking angel and we won’t make it to the restaurant”, Grayson glanced at you while maneuvering the car through the traffic, soft beats coming out of the speakers while Los Angeles’ skyline passed your windows.

“It is so beautiful at night, yet so dangerous”, you mutter with a sad expression on your face, thinking about the night you heard about Jalen’s death. “It is, but who am I to judge?”, Grayson answers, leaving the car in silence again. He was right, you thought. If his and his brother wouldn’t be in those gangs, your brother would probably still be alive. Grayson breaks the comfortable silence shortly after, announcing that you arrived at the sushi place.

“Urasawa? Grayson, this is literally the most expensive place. Believe me, I’m fine with ‘Roll Roll Roll’, really. No need to spent hundreds of dollars for some raw fish…”, you mumbled as you gawked at the luxurious restaurant, but Grayson ignored you, opening your door and holding out his arm for you to hold on to. Sighing, you stepped out of the comfortable car, grabbing Grayson’s muscular biceps as you walked in together. One of the waitresses came up to you, showing you your booth as soon as Grayson mentioned his name, leaving you two in the most private area after taking your orders.

“So, Y/N, why don’t you tell me something about yourself? Did you go to university?”, Grayson asked as he took a sip of his water. You played with the water droplets that were running down your own glass, shaking your head. “No. I was about to go to university, but then Jalen died, I needed to help my parents pay for his funeral. Then, I fell in some kind of black hole, couldn’t handle my own feelings and decided to take some time off. Well, I never applied after that, working here and there to pay my rent. College wasn’t a topic for me ever since. By now, I’m too old to attempt, I guess. Did you?” Not wanting to talk about you all night, you decided to ask him some questions too, wanting to know everything about him and his life. Grayson nodded.

“I did, but only two years, never finished because… well, the gang happened. Ethan and I were both going to UCLA, I studied law and forensic studies, while Ethan went for art and humanities – even though our dad wanted us to study architecture. But then, things got weird and difficult with us, so we stopped and went our own ways, you probably know the story”, Grayson shrugged as the waitress brought your food. You smiled at her as she placed the plate in front of you, Grayson didn’t even look at her. Once she was gone, you tried to get him talking more. “What happened between Ethan and you? I know what the street says, but I want your story.” “You should eat, Y/N. We can talk about this another time.”

The rest of the dinner went on with some small talk, but you learned quite some things about Grayson. He loved wasabi, even ate it without pieces of sushi. He didn’t do drugs, even though he was one of the biggest drug lords out there – he hated people that bought from him, but he makes his money with him, so who would he be to decline that? His mother and his sister are still in contact with Ethan, but not him. His dad passed away because of cancer, which caused him to donate around a million Dollars to a children’s hospice. You frowned, feeling bad for him and his loss, but also admiring him for his strength to still lead that empire on his own – starting to hate Ethan more and more. “Don’t worry, I’m fine by now. Learned to hold my head higher than they do. I don’t get called el diablo for nothing”, Grayson winked at you while eating his last piece of sushi, making you giggle, but also smile in admiration. “What is your favorite childhood memory?” You asked while continuing to eat, curious if he’d tell you something about his past. Grayson remained quiet, obviously thinking about it before answering. “Probably something with my dad. Whenever Ethan was sick, dad and I would go out and do things on our own. It was fun, almost like I was an only child, not having to share experiences with my twin, you know? Full attention on me. Not having to share dad or mom, something like that”, he shrugs. Nodding, you finished your sushi as well, laying back in your chair to relax your stomach. “I’m so full”, you groaned with an exhausted laugh, Grayson joining in. “You ate more than I expected, not that it’s a bad thing. Usually the girl I take on business meetings with me just eat some appetizers. I must’ve looked like Son Goku next to them, eating all the time.” Smiling, the two of you kept having a comfortable conversation, getting to know each other better and better, leaving you with the thought that Grayson wasn’t a monster at all.

Days have passed, conversations were shared, and memories already made. By now, you knew that Grayson wasn’t the tough man he pretends to be, you found his soft spot, even though you’ve been now living with him for little less than a month. You decided the day after your date night, that Grayson was right: you two were meant to be. All your worries were for nothing, Grayson cared about you as much as you learned to care about him. Including staying up the entire night whenever he didn’t come home, cleaning his wounds whenever he got into a fight and helping him with any paperwork that was bothering him. A smile stole its way onto your lips as you thought about your argument during your second week of living with him.

You just got into the car with Grayson, glitter covering your body, barefoot and an exhausted look on your face. “You tired, angel?”, Grayson hold your hand while driving, caressing it with his thumb. “Mh, yeah”, you yawn, head pressed against the window, about to close your eyes. He looked over at you, smiling, while he realized something on your exposed neck. His grip got tighter; eyebrows furrowed. “What’s that on your neck?” “Hmm?” “Is that a hickey, Y/N?” Turning your head in confusion, you rolled your eyes at him. “Probably something you did last night, babe.” Grayson shook his head. “I didn’t, this time. What happened during that privat dance? I told you not to make out with any of your costumers!” You shot him a glance that could kill – if Grayson wasn’t already used to your stubborn head. “Thank you for calling them ‘costumers’ as if I was some slut fucking for payment. I dance, Grayson. I don’t even strip that often, remember? You should, because you’re always there when I’m on stage. That private dance was just me on the pole, I didn’t even give him a lap dance, I don’t know what you’re seeing, but it definitely isn’t a hickey.” Rolling your eyes, you laid your head back again, huffing at his assumptions. Soon enough, Grayson’s finger was tracing your neck, touching the ‘hickey’ – and realizing that it stuck to his fingers. “Ew”, he said, looking at his index finger, causing you to break out in a massive laughter. “That, my dear, is lipstick. My own lipstick, to be exact.”

That night, Grayson ended up showing you who you really belong to – him, no one else.

That night, you stopped dancing for clienté, leaving Grayson to be the only one to enjoy your hips swinging to slow music.

That night, you fell in love with Grayson, because you realized he actually cared for you.

Smiling, you looked down at your intertwined fingers, gently squeezing Grayson’s hand as the two of you walked towards the empty beach, large cones with ice cream in your hands. “I’m glad this part of town is mine, I wouldn’t know what to do without Marco’s ice cream”, Grayson confesses while happily licking at his lemon ice cream. You nod, stuffing your face with the mixture of hazelnut and melon you chose, leaving Grayson cringing. “I don’t get your taste.” “I can never eat just milk ice cream, but just fruity ice cream is boring either. So, the only logical thing to do is just pick one of each”, you shrug as you bite into your cone. “Never liked that though”, you hand him the waffle as soon as every drop of ice cream was in your mouth. Grayson takes it, basically eating it in one piece, speaking as he was still chewing. “How can someone not like the waffle?” You shrugged, nudging his side and you started to run down the street, enjoying the wind in your hair, laughing as Grayson started to sprint towards you, trying to run faster than him. “I don’t need a girl that’s fitter than I am, Y/N!”, he laughs as he finally catches you, pulling you closer to him and pressing a soft peck onto your nose. Then, he wraps one of his arms around you, hugging you from the side while walking towards the soft breeze of Venice Beach. “Haven’t been here since… you know”, you whispered as you slowed down, terrified and anxious about your feelings. Were you ready to get confronted with that? “It took me a while to come back too. But I want to show you something. Jalen once told me how he imagined some nice guy taking you here, walking with you on the beach, enjoying the comfortable silence. Are you okay with me being that nice guy tonight? Fuck it, not just tonight. Always.”

Your eyes widened in surprise, allowing you to just nod. “Just… don’t leave me there, be by my side, okay? I don’t think I could handle it all by myself.” Grayson’s eyes got soft immediately, his fingers playing with the braids that fell over your shoulder. “You’ll never be alone again, Y/N. I promise you that.” Then, he guided you towards the water, lacing your fingers with his and pulling you closer to his side. Soft rustling noises were heard from the ocean, even some seagulls were still flying around, chirping above your heads. “Should we sit down here?”, Grayson quietly interrupts your thoughts, pointing to a clean spot in the sand. Once you nodded, he pulled you in between his legs, sitting down with you against his chest. “I’ve never done that with a girl, romantic stuff.” “Really? Not even in high school?” “No. It is difficult to date when your brother is always the one who gets the girls. I was always their second choice whenever Ethan didn’t want them. So, I preferred staying single instead of being just the Ethan lookalike. But let’s not talk about that, let’s make it to a moment you will ever remember and a night that you will never forget.”

And well, you did.

Grayson pulled you towards the water, the two of you only in underwear, deciding to go for a midnight swim. “Gray, please tell me nobody will see us”, you asked in worry, but Grayson just shook his head. “I promise you, baby. No one comes ever to this part of the beach, it’s el diablo territory – and I told my guys that we would be here tonight. But if you don’t want to…” “No! I want it, but… not in my underwear”, you grinned at him while slowly unclasping your bra, letting it fall onto the ground where all your other clothes were neatly folded, your slip soon following. “C’mon, baby.” You ran into the cold water, yelping at the feeling, but laughing as soon as you realized you were back in your element, letting yourself fall under the surface. Grayson laughed, enjoying your carefree side – and the view – before he stepped out of his boxers and ran towards you, embracing your naked body with his own, warming you up and engulfing you in comfort. Your skin was glistering from all those water droplets reflecting the moonlight, you were stunning, like Selene herself. Grayson’s personal goddess of the moon, of the night – and of his life.

Grayson on the other hand looked like a mixture of Hades and Nyx – if she was a man -, fitting perfectly into the night, shining under the starry sky. His broad shoulders broke the soft waves on the water surface, his strong arms holding you up against him. “You’re so beautiful, angel”, he whispered as he admired your simple beauty. You smiled at him, tracing his tattoos with your fingertips. “You’re a piece of art. I love every single one of your tattoos”, you hum. “I… love you.” There you said it, looking at Grayson with wide eyes, just like a shy deer, scared of his reaction. Grayson’s face softens immediately, mouth hanging open before it cracks into a smile, pressing soft little kisses around your mouth. “I love you too, angel. I never thought I’d say that, but I love you. I love you. I love you.” His hands were everywhere, showing how much he loved every part of you, starting from your face down to your neck, your arms, your fingertips, going back up again to caress the curves of your breasts, your hips and your butt before he grabs your legs to wrap around his waist.

You didn’t even break eye contact once, not as he touched your nipples, nor as he slowly enters you. Both of your lips were parted, chests pressed against each other’s as you moved gently against Grayson, soft hums leaving both of your mouths as the water around you started to move with your actions. “Grayson”, you whimper as he buried his face into the crook of your neck, his teeth teasing the sensitive skin. “I’m here, baby.” His soft thrusts grew unsteadied, whimpers turning into moans as Grayson hits the right spot each time. Again, you couldn’t believe that this tough, almost criminal man was so soft when it comes to you. You tilt your head back, looking up to the stars and start to ask yourself how you out of all people deserved to get this man. “I love you, Gray”, you moaned out as you clenched around him, your orgasm coming in stronger than the waves around you. “Fuck, angel, I love you.” With that, Grayson came too but remained inside you while you shared this intimate moment, soft kisses and many whispered promises, before you eventually went in for another round.

#BLOOD // WATER #dxlansfxck #grayson dolan #grayson dolan fanfiction #grayson dolan smut #ethan dolan #ethan dolan fanfic #dolan twins #dolan twins fanfiction #dolan twins smut #grayson dolan imagine

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seolcs · 5 years

Text

°✧｡× : ( moon gayoung + cis female + she / her ) ─── welcome to roselake village , SEOLA LIM ! oh , well , i suppose you’ve been here for ALL YOUR LIFE , so perhaps you already know your way around the town . well , you are the TWENTY THREE year old LIBRARIAN , though , right ? the harvest sprites told me about you ! they said you DO believe in the harvest goddess . oh , my . well , that explains why they also said you’re quite BEWITCHING and SEDULOUS , but can also be a bit ENIGMATIC and MERCURIAL . either way , you should be a wonderful addition to our island ! i guess i’ll leave you to it now , but if i need you , i suppose i’ll just look for you at THE MAGIC SHOP , yeah ? we hope you love it here as much as we do ! oh , and remember not to go into the tulsy woods ! the distorted hum of opera music just out of reach , dirt caked underneath fingernails , eyes that know more than lips tell ! ✧

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ QUICK STATS !

full name : seola lim .

nickname(s) : lala ( yea like the teletubby ... it was a childhood nickname </3 )

zodiac : pisces sun , virgo moon ( click ! )

sexuality : bisexual .

occupation : librarian & witch .

birthplace : roselake village , maine .

current residence : roselake village , maine .

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ BACKSTORY ! ( tw : vague mentions of an accident )

she’s a fraternal twin <3 if u read julie’s intro u know , but seola and sora are the daughters of roselake’s mayor ! she was born a whole ten minutes after her sister so she takes pride in not being the hag ... sora is so brave for her sacrifice

so their dad is the mayor ! he’s been roselake’s mayor for a while now , keeps getting reelected bc why fix something that seems to be working right .. aha more about that later ... & their mom is a witch ! only on the down low though , she’s not open about practicing magic & is much better known for and adored for her philanthropy around roselake ! both sora and seola have the ability to use magic , but while the gift seemed to come naturally to sora , seola high key struggled with it /:

their mom was a very patient teacher but that didn’t stop seola from feeling inferior to both her sister as well as her powers in general . she very much felt like a big flop , and as a kid & preteen she struggled a lot with jealousy and frustration and just feeling second best in a sense ? basically she really felt like she was letting everyone down when in reality the only person who was putting pressure on her was herself

in good old 2010 ... 13 year old seola & sora snuck into tulsy woods ( even though their dad always said never to go in there ) to play around with their magic , got into an argument , and that’s when seola accidentally ended up hurting sora really really badly ):

after the accident seola wanted to give up magic forever , but her mom convinced her that the best way for her to get over her fear of ever hurting someone again was to practice . so while sora got closer to their father , who had covered up the accident in the woods and used it to spread his own agenda , seola got much closer with their mom

determined to get better at controlling her abilities and also super terrified that she’d hurt someone like she’d hurt her sister if she didn’t , seola practiced and practiced ... then she practiced some more . while most people her age were going through high school focused on going to college afterwards , seola was counting down the days til she’d be free to do nothing but learn as much as she could about being a witch

it was around this time she also started to get ... suspicious about her dad and his intentions . she was grateful that he didn’t tell the truth about the accident , scared ppl would have viewed her as a monster if they knew what really happened , but the way her dad was acting about tulsy woods was super suspicious especially with everything happening with the harvest goddess and the sprites . basically ... seola suspects he might have something to do with whatever’s going on in the woods ... 👁️👁️

after high school seola stayed in roselake ! she didn’t go to college like sora , much to her dad’s dismay , but she did take some online classes here & there ( mysticism and rituals , alchemy , some history ones , as well as a medieval monsters literature class ... just for fun <3 ) she also snagged a job at subtext as a librarian , mainly for that sneaky access to all the secret garden books

initially she’d just been curious about her own magic , since she knows it doesn’t come from the harvest goddess like a sprite’s magic does , but with everything going on she’s extended her research to include both the goddess & the sprites to see if maybe she can understand whatever her dad is trying to do in roselake

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ PERSONALITY + TIDBITS !

not 2 be cliche but she really is a mysterious girl SJDBWJBDJW since she’s haunted by the idea that she’s essentially always on the brink of losing control and hurting someone again like she did with her sister , she’s got a very elusive personality . she tries her best not to get too close with anyone , but unfortunately for her it’s the kind of cool and detached air about her that usually makes people curious to know her , especially since her twin sister is so seemingly open & very focused on her reputation in roselake . seola’s always tells herself stuff like oh to be a fly on the wall ... 😔 but the reality is she doesn’t want to be invisible to people at all , she’s just traumatized from the accident in tulsy woods /:

so you have her enigmatic persona ... versus her deep desire to be understood and loved despite whatever dangerous and uninhibited thing she’s convinced lurks around inside her . yeah ... she’s not so good at following her own don’t get too close with people rule SJDBWJDJW most of the time what ends up happening is her pushing those who are already close away , only to reach for them again later , only to push them away ... you get it . it’s easy to write her off as a moody rich girl if you’re not in her circle , but it’s deeper than that

she’s got a bad habit of fixating on things and then letting them consume her . sometimes it works to her benefit , like focusing so hard on practicing her magic and finally becoming good at it . most of the time , though , her curiosity morphs into obsession , and it’s very easy for her to get overwhelmed and feel lost

she has a big old soft spot for creepy or spooky things and people , 100% believing that more often than not the stuff we’re afraid of is stuff we just don’t understand . sometimes , though , her attraction to the “ dark ” is a manifestation of her own internalized belief that there’s something wrong with her & that she’s just as capable of bad as she is good ... cannot believe freud just possessed my body like that 😳

if she was an animal she’d for sure be a cat JSBDJWBDJW comes & goes as she pleases ... affectionate & warm on her own terms ... sometimes she brings people weird gifts that are only really gifts in her eyes ... yea <3

high key has a huge guilt complex bc of that juicy unresolved childhood trauma ! that and the fact that she’s pretty sure her family is responsible for hurting so many other’s in roselake ... it’s a lot . so even though she’s not as warm and friendly as sora is , she’s just as kind ... maybe even too kind sometimes , she just feels like she has a lot to prove & make up for yk

voted most likely to dump you & say it’s not you , it’s me ):

big fan of creating ambiance she’s all about turning of the big lights and turning on a lamp ... maybe lighting some candles if she’s feeling crazy idk ...

if you don’t know she’s a witch you probably think seola’s about to drop the hottest skincare line of 2020 because she do be collecting those herbs and oils

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ WANTED CONNECTIONS ! ( all open to all genders )

BEST FRIENDS : technically sora is always gonna be her number one best friend 🥺 but i would really love for seola to have at least one person who really truly knows her , someone she’d drop anything for to help them if they needed & vice versa !

CHILDHOOD / FAMILY FRIENDS : open to muses that grew up in roselake ! maybe their parents are friends , or maybe they were just neighbors or in the same classes in elementary school . i have ... lots of ideas for this trope hehe <3 give me someone who seola pushed off the swings when they were tiny and now they’re still sworn enemies to this day ... childhood friends that stayed close , but after the accident in tulsy woods seola distanced herself , someone who was technically her first love who she probably had a little wedding ceremony with when they were like five with candy rings , childhood friends that grew apart and now it’s sad and awkward , childhood friends that stayed close and have embarrassing stories to tell about each other ... i’ll stop here JSDBJWD

CONFIDANTS : the one person seola keeps finding herself talking to about the things she usually keeps inside & they do the same with her . i think it’d be funny if both of them find it weird to do things like go out to lunch or shop together because that’s not what they’re used to

SUBTEXT : people who know her from the library ! maybe your muse spends a lot of time there so they recognize seola ( or maybe they even go just to see her ) , maybe your muse needed help finding something once and seola helped them out & now they’re kinda pals , or maybe your muse is someone seola’s requited to help her out with her own research with the secret garden books

FRIENDS THAT DATED : maybe things just ended amiably between them , or maybe it’s like an “ everyone told us we should date so we tried it and boy was that the weirdest thing we ever did ” situation . either way the outcome is they’e still friends <3

CAHOOTS : what is this you might ask ? someone seola can be in cahoots with . she has a possibly dangerous idea that no one else is likely to say yes to ? she goes to your muse . your muse has an idea no one in their right mind would say yes to ? they go to seola . these two are in cahoots !

BAD INFLUENCE : i’d love for someone who’s trying to get seola to dabble into darker magic / abandon her quest to figure out what’s going on in the woods and save the harvest goddess . she’s pretty hard to sway if she thinks she’s doing the right thing , so bonus points if your muse is good at manipulation and has a convincing case that’s more than just oooh be bad ;)

SPRITES & MAGICAL BEINGS : sorry human muses ... these are not for you </3 i would love if any of the other witches / wizards helped seola on her journey to practice her magic and get better at it ! maybe someone who knows what really happened with sora in the woods but still decided to help her / not judge her , OR maybe someone who knows what she did and is now scared of her / doesn’t think she should be doing magic still at all . as for sprites i think seola would be super curious about them & the harvest goddess , so maybe some sprites who are willing to talk about their abilities with her and their connection to the goddess with her & are maybe even working with her to try and figure out what’s going on in roselake . then on the reverse of that maybe sprites who think seola’s too nosy for her own good , or who don’t trust her because they’re also starting to get suspicious about the mayor , or maybe they just don’t trust any magic that doesn’t come from the harvest goddess

MAYOR LIM : if you’re trying to get to her father for whatever reason , sora’s definitely the easier ticket in , but maybe your muse is trying to be less obvious about it so they try through seola ! i would also ... really love someone she can sneak off with during town events where her dad is involved when she’s supposed to be with her family promoting that shiny lim reputation hehe

SISTER SISTER : connections through sora ! this is ... always the best part of having a sibling in the same rp you get to make connections through them so give me all sorts of stuff it could be dramatic like your muse hurt sora & now seola hates them or it could be wholesome too ! not 2 be cliche but ... love triangle anyone ... just kidding ... unless ? 🙈

THE BIG EX : seola’s first real relationship , and first real heartbreak . everyone before them had been an unofficial thing , but your muse was the real deal . maybe one or both of them ruined it by being too scared of their feelings to stick around , maybe secrets and insecurities got the best of them , maybe one of them was willing to try but the other wasn’t . either way it ended badly , and whether those feelings are resolved or not ... the world is our oyster baby !

HOOKUPS : friends with benefits and it’s not awkward between them , friends with benefits and it’s super weird between them because they may be crossing over into real feeling territory , one night stands / hookups that were huge mistakes , one night stands or hookups that were or are being kept secret for whatever reason , someone who leads seola on but never gets serious about her , or someone she leads on but she never gets serious about because every time they get close to anything real she’s pushing them away

WILL THEY WON’T THEY : a friendship that always teeters on the line of something romantic ! maybe they’re both oblivious to the chemistry / tension or maybe they’re aware of it because they get jealous when they hear about the other being with someone else … maybe they refuse to do anything about it because they don’t want to complicate things or maybe they purposefully cross lines when they feel that jealousy … could be more angsty or it could be more wholesome depending on which way it goes 😈

i wont lie to u ive been writing this all day ... but we finally made it baby 😭😭😭 im sosososo sorry for the length & the wait ... also i feel like my charas always change a lil once i actually start plotting & writing so sorry again if u see me finally writing as seola on the dash and ur like lit rally who is that ... JSDBWJBDWBDJ please come message me on discord to plot ! @ seulgi ily ʕ´• ᴥ•̥`ʔ#8172 maybe ... give this a like if u wanna … do that ? thank u for reading all this ur so brave for that stay sexy stan loona x

#╰ ♡ . 𝒏𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒕𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒆𝒎𝒑𝒕𝒚 ── ooc !#no words ... intro full </3 #the princess diaries said a queen is never late ... i am not a queen though -__-#wisteria.intro

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feverwildehopps · 5 years

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8 Facts about Waverly

@androace-bunny tagged me over on DA demanding I share details and fun facts about my Zootopia fan oc, Waverly Wilde... okay maybe not "demanding" but he tagged me, I have a couple facts I'd love to share about Wavy, and this looks pretty fun

There's a lot of thought behind how I came up with and designed her, and I'm using this opportunity to do just that, so let's just jump into it

RULES 1. Post all the rules 2. Post 8 facts about your character 3. Tag 8 other people 4. Post their character’s names with their owners

I'm not good at tagging people so forgive me, or not, for neglecting to tag people ANYWAY ONTO THE FACTS

1. My idea for Waverly was not originally to be a fan child for Judy and Nick. Back in the day, I was creating a random Zootopia hybrid oc that I thought would be just fun to illustrate and play around with. Proto-Waverly was a raccoon/bunny mix. Assuming I gave her a last name, I can't remember for the life of me what it is. She looked like Waverly Wilde except with tan fur, gray eyes, a ringtail, and darker patches on parts of her body. I didn't exactly have a story for this Proto-Waverly except maybe she'd run into Nick and Judy on the beat a couple times for reasons I don't remember. The reason she turned into Nick and Judy's kid is because... let's just say my friend made a certain tumblr post which inspired me to make that change without her directly encouraging me to. She didn't even know I had a character to begin with so ehh yeah. Secondly, I wanted to have Nick and Judy to interact with a juvenile and that would still be accomplished through the change. I know everyone makes fan kits for Nick and Judy and maybe my old version of Waverly would've been a nice change of pace had I developed the concept, but I'm happy with my decision. Waverly Wilde led to the creation of other characters (Lotus, Spencer, etc..), to AU collaborations with other artists, and I even used these characters as a medium for practicing character development, writing internal/external situations, and bettering myself as a storyteller. I put a lot of myself and my experiences into them

2. Waverly's a hybrid so this is how she came to be: In my Au, interspecies couples can't exactly have children naturally, but that doesn't stop them from still having them biologically. There's an element of magic in my story (only because many other WH fan children creators have gone the scientific/medical/or just plain miracle route and I wanted to be different yet still practical). Basically every year, not annually, just any time in a different year, a day comes where mammals in Zootopia can make a wish, and their wish comes true that same day. Wishes are only granted if they are made by good intentions and won't drastically change the entire course of the world. "Good intentions" meaning wishes motivated by greed/spite/jealousy/etc. won't come true. Long story short, Judy and Nick took this opportunity one year to make their wish, and (with a little reinforcement) they were having Waverly, yay!

3. I named Waverly after a book character. At the time I was creating Proto-Waverly, my English class required me to read "The Joy Luck Club" by Amy Tan. There was a character in the novel who I liked and her name was Waverly. I thought, "that sounds cool" so I named my Waverly that, and then as you know, my character turned to Waverly Wilde. The name stuck, which is great bc I also enjoy names where the first initial is the same as the last initial, y'know?

4. People have asked me why Waverly has "spots" if Nick and Judy don't have spots and for that I have two reasons: one, the first version of Waverly had spots and I liked that design element, I didn't want to give it up, also it pays homage to the old version of Waverly we never knew... which I think is cool. And two, most importantly, her spots help emphasize the distinction between Waverly, and other fan characters who look just like her.... It was hard to make Waverly's design immediately recognizable despite my art style. And I wanted her entire 'look' to be unique to her - not a copy/paste of Nick or Judy. I like how the spots are kinda iconic. And who knows? Maybe the spots were passed down from one of her relatives. At one point I wanted the spots to be a sort of 'tag' or symbol left over by the wish but ehh I kinda scrapped the idea

5. We know Waverly's a hybrid so she shares fox and bunny traits, but what are they? She has no night vision, but her hearing and sense of smell are great. She wakes up early because she doesn't have nocturnal tendencies. She moves more like a fox than a rabbit because she has a fox-like body structure, but at the proportions of a rabbit. Also, sometimes Waverly makes little bunny noises (that's how she got her nickname 'Chirp')Other than bird meat, Waverly will eat virtually anything. The only 'meat' she eats is fish

6. Waverly's relationship with her family is close and loving. She considers her parents like her best friends and loves to be around them. She cherishes her time with them. They feel inspirational and encouraging to her. She loves to hear them tell stories of humor, mystery, suspense, adventure, even tragedy - all from their lives as police officers, and Waverly likes to share with them her favorite moments from school and hanging out with her friends. Nick and Judy have learned a lot and Wavey always finds good advice from them. Waverly and her sister Lotus are different in so many ways but that doesn’t stop them from being inseparable. They hang out in each other’s rooms just keeping each other company, they share secrets only they can know, they’re honest with each other, and they take care of each other. Waverly always wanted a little companion to play and have fun with and Lotus doesn’t fail to disappoint! She loves her big sister too of course

7. Waverly’s relationship with her friends is never-ending fun. Waverly is the friendly type who can get along with mammals of many different personalities. She’s not always the leader, or the funniest, or taking the spotlight, but she always brings her charisma and kindness to the group. She cares a whole lot for each of her friends and is usually the one who makes sure everyone’s cheered up and having a good time when they’re together. When her friends are happy and comfortable, she feels more comfortable acting more like herself - something she doesn’t normally do in the public eye. After high school, some friends go their separate ways, but remain connected online and stuff - catching up with each other every so often. Yes, I’m planning on Waverly having a couple hybrid friends but I don’t know yet how many or what species they are

8. Waverly is passionate about self expression, fairness, being heard, and persistence. When she grows up she shares these passions though creating short films, artworks, and other public statements that encourage others to embrace individuality and make their mark. She shows confidence and wellness can be achieved and for many, taking slow steps to find their strength is the way to go

#Zootopia #fan ocs #my ocs #Waverly Wilde #emmy's zootopia art #feverart #emery stop talking

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fcrvcnt · 5 years

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( alex fitzalan, cismale, he/him ) i just saw KIERAN WALSH walking down the street’s of provincetown the other day playing LOST by DERMOT KENNEDY out loud. rumor has it that the TWENTY-TWO year old is +ATTENTIVE, but can also be -DISTRUSTFUL — overall they’re an INTANGIBLE CONCEPT. they remind me of A GENTLE BREEZE RESURRECTING A HOT DAY, STORMY WHITE CAPPED SEAS, SMUGED FINGERPRINTS COVERING WHITE PAPER & RESTLESS NIGHTS .

hey, hi, hello!!! i’m bronny, i’m 22, i’m from new zealand ( possibly one of the worst timezones to be in but we learn to survive!! ) and i’m so excited about this group and being able to write kieran again ( with an fc change bc alex?? newest love of my life, who does he think he is ?? ) ?? i’ve been missing writing him and been looking for a place but just haven’t found the right place.....until now!!! enough rambling about me though, lets get onto what you’re here for......

KIERAN WALSH

for the first 12 years of kieran’s life, you could say that his life was pretty happy and smooth sailing?? the walsh family were nowhere near rich but they were comfortable middle class. his father was a builder and his mother worked part-time as a kindergarten teacher. his childhood was nothing spectacular but it was full of love and happiness and that was the only thing kieran really cared about??

***ALCOHOLIC & ALCOHOL & ABUSE MENTION ***

but when kieran was around 13, his life took a turn no one really saw coming. whether it was the stress his father put on himself or it was old demons rearing their ugly head, kieran’s father turned to the bottle to self-medicate the darkness growing inside him.

it started off with small things. kieran’s father overreacting to tiny inconvenience at home and him coming home late at night. raised voices became the usual in the walsh household after that and kieran & amelia would both end up in his room attempting to shut it all out by going over the little cartoon strips kieran would create for amelia - eventually there was enough to make a whole little series.

slowly the walsh family drifted from middle class to lower-middle class thanks to kieran’s father losing his job and his mother retreating into herself.

kieran was 15 when he really took on the role to support amelia & his mother as best he could. kieran couldn’t care less about what happened to his father.

at 15 kieran grew up far quicker than any 15 really should. he got his first job and began trying to keep things at least just scraping by, because if he didn’t there was a real chance that he, amelia and his mother would be kicked out of their family home.

his mother did manage to help him out as best she could but his father’s actions and behaviour was taking a toll on her.

he was hellbent on not allowing amelia & his mother from suffering the full brunt of the storm their father and husband had created.

kieran thought that this would be his life forever. juggling school, work and trying to keep his whole life and family from completely collapsing but one night, one action taken too far that left kieran with a black eye given to him by his father, was all it took for kieran’s mother to kick kieran’s father out. *********************

kieran was in his last year at high school and 18 when his father left and to say kieran’s upset about not knowing where he went would be a complete lie. seeing the back of him was a blessing because even though their lives had taken a dive and it would take a lot to get back up to where they were, at least he wasn’t in amelia & his mother’s lives anymore.

but before we can go any further, there’s one thing you need to know !!! anything creative had been kieran’s saving grace over the course of his teenage years. drawing, painting, photography, music, creating, it helped settle all the emotions that raced through him, it grounded him when nothing else could and if there was one thing he knows, it’s that his ultimate dream would be to become a concept artist for films both live-action and animation but for all his life that’s just what it feels like it’ll always be—a dream and since college wasn’t exactly something on his radar—mostly because he was damn sure he couldn’t afford it and his grades weren’t good enough to get a scholarship—it felt even more out of reach.

but he wasn’t exactly going to give up on his dream that easily, especially when his younger sister wasn’t going to let him let it go that easily either, so as graduation came and went and everyone started to leave to go to college, kieran walsh stayed in provincetown and started to enrol into online courses for concept art and illustration via the online college of digital art & animation, cg spectrum and as a whole he studied three courses over the course of 3 years.

there are sometimes where he wishes he could have gotten out of provincetown and gone to college—just to experience that #collegelife. but he knows he couldn’t ever bring himself to do that because you see, even though his mother got a new job and started trying to return back to some sense of normal when kieran was 18, kieran can’t bring himself to leave?? the thought of leaving amelia and his mother on their own is too much, he’s terrified of his mother retreating back within herself and leaving amelia to look after herself—he can’t bring himself to leave them after more or less supporting the whole family for almost his whole teenage years. but he knows eventually he’ll have to go out on his own and he is in the process of it!! he’s managed to move out at least into an apartment of his own when he was 20, though it’s not all that far from his family home. but it’s a step.

though he’s still procrastinating on the finding a steady job thing, in the mean time he’s doing a lot of freelance things here and there for adverts, small indie animated videos/short movies, designed a couple things for some big name youtubers and even has helped on the illustrations for some children’s books. but he’s still holding out for his dream to come true.

PERSONALITY

an actual soft boy!!! loves his little sister & mother more than anything in the world and has literally put his own happiness and life to the side to make sure they’re happy and thriving after the shit they’ve been through. he loves with his whole heart and it’s both a blessing and a curse.

but he’s so use to being the one to take care of everyone else that he’s never stopped to take care of himself?? and to imagine someone caring about him and loving him is something he cannot get his head around??

a very private person. maybe comes across like he’d be a bit of an asshole but he’s actually relatively friendly?? probably that person you think you know everything about but in reality you actually don’t know nothing about them??

he finds it hard to let people get close and finds it hard to trust others??

may have something to do with the fact that he’s terrified of becoming life his father?? but really is far more like his mother, he just has a bit of a hard time showing it??

hasn’t ever really touched alcohol that much and doesn’t intend on doing so any time soon, he terrified of turning into his father!!!!! we love that

a little rough around the edges and takes a while to break down his walls but once you’ve managed to weed your way into his heart you’ll be there forever and he’ll love you with his whole heart.

loves the snackpack with his whole heart, his dumbass energy really comes out strong around them because YOU KNOW he’s a complete idiot underneath that hardish exterior.

proud of his friends that got out of provincetown and went to college, but also a little salty about being left behind — we don’t talk about that though

if anyone would like to plot a little something, my ims are always open, i’m also up for plotting via discord, and i’d love to plot a little something!! i swear i don’t bite so please send me an im if you’re up for something, but honestly if you give this a like i’ll come to you!!

but if you are interested in plotting, i have a plots page with loose ideas here!!

#snackpackintro #we out here falling for fcs that have hardly any gif icons #love that for me!#watch me start to make my own gif icons

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amphtaminedreams · 5 years

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All The Tattoos I Couldn’t Really Afford

Hi to anyone who’s reading!

I thought I’d write about my tattoos a lil bit.

Partly because I’d like to talk generally about tattoos and what they mean for people who have dealt with self-harm and poor body image and partly because I get questions now and again about the more practical side of things; who did them, how much did they hurt and probably the most frequent one, how much did they cost (I mean, only my entire livelihood and every last spare pound I had for about 2 years but nbd)? The point being that I can put all this information in one place, especially as I don’t plan to get any more in the foreseeable future.

See, as much as I get tired of people I don’t really know commenting on them, I suppose I did kind of bring it upon myself. Facially, I probably look about 15. I get told I'm exaggerating when I say that BUT I WAS STILL BUYING CHILD’S TICKETS ON THE BUS UP UNTIL LAST YEAR BC AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR £2.60 SINGLES. Where do you live for a bus single to cost £2.60 I hear you ask? In a tory heartland, my friend.

Anyway, the point is that I look pretty young to have a sort-of sleeve and tbh, I am. I’d say that for a lot of people, a sleeve is something you build on kinda throughout your life, not something you plan on getting pretty much the minute you turn 18. That isn’t exactly how it was for me either. I was more like 20 when I started on my left arm, lol. I started on the rest when I was 18 and had known most of the tattoos I wanted to get since I was about 14/15, so for quite a while. I think I always associated a tattooed version of me with a version of myself I liked and respected a lot more than the girl I saw myself as at that age, but I didn’t realise just how true that would be. The tattoos definitely aren’t the reason I’m so much more body confident than I was back then; I’m at a weight I feel more comfortable in, I’ve learned how to do my makeup better and I think I’ve grown into myself more. Plus, I got my braces off, which helps. The constant fear of having food in my teeth hardly conjures up a sense of nostalgia, lol. On top of that, seeing a wider and more diverse range of faces and body types celebrated online and in the media has definitely helped me too.

But one thing that I noticed is how much more respect having tattoos gives me for my own body. When you have talented men and women’s art all over you, it makes you feel like less of a body and more of a blank sheet. I think the attention moves away from the parts underneath that you might not like so much to something you don’t necessarily associate with yourself. It helps me to notice myself more objectively, with appreciation taking the place of scrutiny. And with regards to self-harm, on a practical level, I don’t want to damage somebody else’s hard work.

The first tattoo I actually got, about a month or so after I turned 18 was pretty simple. I found the studio by way of recommendation from someone who’s tattoo I liked, which imo is probably the best route to go down for your first one. Word of mouth is generally a pretty good indicator of what to expect.

The 5 planet formation on the back of my neck was based on a Tumblr photo I’d saved on my phone, though in the original design I believe the planets were on the person’s chest.

PROTIP: If you’re getting a tattoo based on something you found on Pinterest, Google Images or Tumblr, the best thing to do is first to probably make a note of the artist and ideally ask them for their permission. This is something I wish I’d done at the time; the majority of my tattoos are based on images I found on the sites I just mentioned and saved without thinking and I generally deleted the photos once I sent them to the tattoo artist. Understandably, artists see it as respect thing to credit them and if I do ever come across the designs some of my tattoos are based on, I will of course make sure to add their details to this post, BUT to be completely honest, nobody outside of the internet is that bothered if you copied a tattoo you saw on Pinterest one time.

I think the best thing to do is to ask your tattoo artist to put their own spin on a design and add to it, which is what I’ve generally done, and that way you should avoid anyone feeling like their work has been stolen. I like that approach anyway, especially if you’re going back to the same person for all your tattoos; it adds a consistency to them.

This being my first tattoo, there wasn’t really much of a deeper meaning behind it. I liked the way it looked and wanted something simple that could easily be covered. I got this done by dclxvi.tattoo on Instagram, and it cost around £40. In terms of pain, there wasn’t much at all. I thought it was going to be a lot worse from what others had told me, and more than anything I could feel the vibration of the needle. I’d give it a 1/10 on the pain threshold.

My second was the quote on my left side over my ribcage which reads “think deeply, speak gently, give freely and be kind”. This came from one of those cheesy typical middle class white people signs we usually put in our kitchens; we currently have about 6 and counting in ours. The full quote is “Think deeply, speak gently, love much, laugh a lot, work hard, give freely and be kind” but I thought that was a bit long winded so I kept the parts I liked. I suppose the meaning meaning of this is pretty self-explanatory, lol! When I was younger and still even now with the people I’m close to, I worry way too fucking much what people think of me. It’s a very cliche saying but at some point, I learnt that what others say about you says more about them than it does about you. From then, I started realising that as long as I know I do my best to treat people well, that’s the important thing and this tattoo is kind of just a reminder of that. IIRC, this one cost about £60 and was with the same artist as my first. She was really lovely and made me feel very comfortable so I went back to her for this one, and my next couple too. Again, even though it was on my ribs, I’d give it a 1/10 for pain.

I kinda lose track but I’m pretty sure it was over the summer of my 18th that I got the 3 you can see in the photo above, all still by the same artist. The first on this area of my arm was the quote “love yourself so no-one else has to” inside the heart/feminine symbol hybrid. Similarly, it’s quite self-explanatory but if I had to expand on it, it’s just a reminder that it’s not about what other people think and that as long as I’m happy in myself and BY myself, that’s what matters. This was around the £40 mark and I vaguely remember tattoos getting slightly more painful around this point as we’re getting into musclier territory. Not to make out I have guns or anything, lol, but I’ve always found that tattoos that are on top of muscle are the most difficult to sit through, still though I’d give it a 2/10 for pain. Shortly after I got the crystal ball with the quote underneath. The crystal ball is pretty much a copy of a tattoo I found on Pinterest by the tattoo artist Emily Malice/@emilymalice on Instagram:

I then chose a quote to add underneath it to make it my own which was: “it’s not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves”. It’s the modernised version of a quote from the Shakespeare play Julius Caesar, and basically sums up the idea that if we want something, we have to go and get it ourselves. I’m not really a believer in fate or destiny or the idea that the universe has a bigger plan for us and though that might sound really pessimistic, I find it empowering in that we can go out and make our lives into anything we want them to be. Of course there are things that are out of our hands but for the most part, it’s down to us; I’m on that inner locus of control shit. And yes I remembered that from A-level psychology, lol. On the pain scale, also a 2/10.

Next was my Lana tattoo. Imagine copious amounts of the heart eyes emoji here. It’s based on this drawing:

Which I cannot find the artist of fucking ANYWHERE. The image is all over the bloody internet and returned about 30 different results on TinEye but I can’t for the life of me find the original version so if anybody knows, lmk!

Anyway, it was my first of 2 Lana tattoos and it’s probably my favourite of them all. I’ve been a hardcore stan of this woman since I was about 12 and Video Games went viral (yes, I was a very pretentious 12 year old/general human being) and her music has been my soundtrack to EVERYTHING for the last 7/8 years. I’m a basic bitch and so Born to Die: Paradise Edition and Ultraviolence are still my favourite albums of hers but I wanted to pay tribute to the Lust for Life cover with the flowers in the hair because it represented her moving towards inner peace and contentment and I loved that.

COST: approx. £70

PAIN: 2/10

That was my last tattoo for a while until about November 2018, from which point onwards I was getting them pretty much constantly up until a few months ago. I was no longer at uni, had a part time job and for the first time had proper disposable income, so I got my first proper “piece” tattoo:

This one I very shittily designed myself, though the lip part was based on this tattoo by Heidi Kaye/@heidikayetattoo on Instagram:

The lips were always going to be the centrepiece though it was originally a much bigger design. The idea was that it would be a piece based around the elements, water, earth, air and fire, with the things that represents each being something sentimental to me. Well, apart from the lips which would represent the passion of the fire signs; I just thought they looked cool, lol. On a less shallow note, the butterflies, which represent air (along with the moons), I associate with my mum as she’s always wearing butterfly patterned outfits and jewellery. Yeah, I don’t know how you can claim a whole ass insect either but apparently they’re her thing! And similarly, the scorpion is for my sister; it represents water, scorpio being a water sign. She and I used to watch Orphan Black together and took to affectionately calling each other “sestra” instead of sister like the Ukranian character Helena pronounces it in the show. At one point, I believe it’s season 3, her character hallucinates a scorpion (don’t ask, that show was pretty wack at times), hence the scorpion tattoo. Lastly, the flowers and the agate rock represent earth, which is the home of my sun and moon sign. There were originally going to be a lot more details to the piece but I wanted to keep it on the back of my arm and when I showed it to my new tattoo artist, Matt Cassy (cassytattoo on Instagram), he simplified it for me so that it would fit. It cost around £140 and took the longest time yet, but I’d give it a 1/10 for pain and it’s my favourite tattoo after my Lana one, probably because it’s the most individual.

Next after this was my sunflower and it took me to one of kindest and most talented people I’ve ever met! I’m pretty sure this was the first one she did for me and from this point onwards, I went back to Bianca Kidd (biancakiddtattoo on Instagram) for 90% of my tattoos. It’s a pretty basic piece but I really wanted a tattoo on my shoulder and preferably something that will never really go “out of style”. Flower tattoos are so simple but the absolute prettiest imo and I don’t think I’ll ever look back on this one and be like “what was I thinking?” I got Bianca to add the stars which were SUPPOSED to be in the form of the constellations of my sun, moon and rising signs, Capricorn, Virgo and what I thought was Scorpio but turns out is actually Cancer. Shoulda known considering how much of a needy, over-emotional twat I am, lol. On the one hand, it seems kinda contradictory to my crystal ball tattoo quote to believe in astrology but on the other, I think there might be something to the time of year a person is born and the environmental factors that come with that (climate, financial patterns etc.) affecting a person’s temperament slightly. It could all be a load of BS, considering the vagueness of most star signs and our tendency to want to agree with positive statements about ourselves, and I DEFINITELY don’t believe in the stars having any impact on your future or fate but it’s still fun to read about either way. Would be even funner if I didn’t have regrets about getting my natal chart wrong and being sure enough that Scorpio was my rising sign to get a tattoo referencing it every time I did, but there you go. If anyone asks, the placement of the stars is TOTALLY. RANDOM.

COST: approx. £140

PAIN: I find that even if a tattoo isn’t in a super painful position, your skin begins to get a little raw and thus more sensitive when it’s under a needle for a long period of time so 3/10

Next was the snakey boy on the inside of my right arm which I got just before Christmas, again by Bianca:

I don’t have much to say about this one other than it’s pretty much a copy of one I saw on Pinterest that I’d saved quite a while before (unfortunately I can’t find it anywhere now but if anybody does know the source lmk!) because I fricken love snakes and think they’re cute and misunderstood af. Not as cute as cats but definitely up there. Bianca changed it slightly by adding the dots around the rose and we went from there, and the main thing I remember is that this one actually hurt. Close to the armpit and on top of the muscle is a bad combination and I’m totally in awe of the madmen that go right into the pit itself. It cost £80 and for pain I’d give it an 8/10.

Cop the exact same pose only with the other arm instead, but I also got my mermaid around this time:

She was done by Polly (biffinx on instagram) who’s an apprentice tattoo artist. If you are looking for a slightly cheaper tattoo, apprentices are a good shout, as they usually charge slightly less, though in Polly’s case are equally as skilled at what they do; you’re also helping them build their portfolio so it’s a win-win situation for both you and the tattoo artist. That being said, make sure you do your research and get someone who’s good at the style you’re looking for before you commit. Instagram is often your best bet, and if not, tattoo shops often have websites with photo galleries showcasing each artist’s work. It might take you a while to find what you’re looking for but you really can’t compromise when you’re talking about something that’s probably going to be on your body forever. NBD. I got the mermaid as a nod to both growing up by the sea and how much I loved to swim when I was younger. I feel like I’m going to end up saying this far too many times but she’s one of my favourites.

COST: £60

PAIN: 8/10

I also got the other 3 tattoos on my upper right arm during this time. Bianca did the satanic kitty (can’t find the source of the tattoo it was based on! again, if anyone does lmk!), because of course I had to have a cat tattoo, and that was around £50 and a 3/10 on the pain scale. The two shells, which again are a reminder of where I grew up, were done by Terry Weeks (terryweekstattoo on Instagram) and cost £70 for both. I’d give them a 2/10 for pain.

Next were my knee and calf tattoo in February of this year, for which I went back to Matt Cassy:

He did the two of them for £140 and it took around 3 hours. Palm trees always remind me of California which I absolutely love, and the spider’s web was kinda just because...spooky, ya know? Honestly, I hate spiders and I equally hate that it gave the old man on the bus the inspiration to make the joke (imagine this being said in a strong Dorset accent) “you’ve got ae spiderr on yerr leg” at me that one time on the bus. Plus, I’d give my knee tattoo a strong 9/10 for pain. Realistically, it probably wasn’t any more painful than the inner upper arm tattoos but you have the added burden of suppressing your reflexes; when somebody is carving into the skin on your leg, it really shouldn’t come as a surprise that your knee jerk reaction is to...well, kick that person in the face. Or away from you at least. I also got the elbow pit tattoo on my left arm from Bianca around this time for £160. 8/10 for pain on that one.

And then, there was the 10/10 in March. The things I do for Miss Lana Del fucking Rey.

Because the Just Ride tattoo above my knees HURT. I wasn’t expecting it at all but BLOODY HELL. My tattoo artist actually had to get the numbing spray out for this one. It was, again, the combined effect of it being on top of muscle and the need to resist my reflexes so that I didn’t flinch, which clearly I didn’t do a very good job at, hence the spray. I think my reaction at the time was kind of, what the fuck, has this stuff always existed? But the more you can put off asking for the spray, the better, because used in large quantities it can be pretty dangerous. This was the only tattoo I felt I did need it for because I literally couldn’t sit still and there was a risk of me jogging the tattoo artist, Megan, the amazing @bunnystattoos on Instagram. Her stuff is adorable and she has such a strong vision and brand and if I was going to get another, I’d love to just give her a starting point and see where she’d take it from there. Like, I’m not a Star Wars fan but LOOK at this set she designed for someone else:

I also got my Dream On tattoo with her in the same session and in total she charged me £110 for both which is pretty reasonable considering how in demand she is (and how much of a total baby I was about the Just Ride tattoo). I chose lyrics from Ride because lyrically, it’s probably one of my favourite songs of hers, plus the opening 30 seconds are pure magic.

Megan also did the linework orchid lady on the back of my arm around the same time:

I suppose you could say this is my most “meaningful” tattoo, because it was inspired by something my care-coordinator said to me about my diagnosis of BPD. In amongst all the other less than complimentary comments, she told me that it just means we need a little more care and sensitivity than others, like orchids do in comparison to other flowers, but that that doesn’t make us any less deserving of care or less beautiful. Basically, in the right circumstances, we can bloom too. And I liked that.

This one cost £80 and was about a 3/10 for pain. I can’t find any photos of the tattoo it was based on so for the millionth time, if you do know, hmu.

From April-May I got a shitload of tattoos and to be honest, I can’t really remember what order it was in so I’m going to group them into artists. First, the ones I got from Polly:

The anatomical heart I got in March and was based on this tattoo by Harry Plane (@harry.plane on Instagram):

COST: £50

PAIN: 7/10

And the sun and moon kissing was also around £50. 2/10 for pain.

Bianca did a few for me too, starting with the floral design on my lower left arm around March, which was probably my biggest piece yet:

The floral piece started off as a 4/10 though it creeped up to a 6 the closer it got to my wrist. Going over raised scars is also slightly more painful, something to bear in mind. Along with the Keep It Cute tattoo (6/10) on my wrist:

It came to £180.

Bianca also did the linework of my favourite GIF, like, ever.

Yes, it’s Go Go Yubari from Kill Bill about to try and maim The Bride, who don’t get me wrong I am perennially rooting for, but come on. It’s an iconic moment in film history Once Upon a Time in Hollywood wishes it could replicate. 4/10 for pain due to it being over scarring, otherwise we’re talking about the kind of placement that’s a reliable 2/10. I also got wrapped into the whole renaissance inspired trend and got Bianca to do me a little cherub gap filler based on this flash sheet I found on Google Images (link to the image found here https://creativemarket.com/Sonulkaster/280110-Angels-and-Cupids-collection.?utm_source=Pinterest&utm_medium=CM):

I suggested the cigarette as a cheeky little addition, lol! I’d give it a 5/10 for pain, being close to the inside of my arm n all and it set me back around £40. Unfortunately, I don’t have any great quality photos of it that I haven’t already used in the post but here’s one where you can see it a little bit (idk why my hair looks so brown and basically my natural colour in this photo but I DO NOT APPROVE, it is not at all fitting with my wannabe mildly goth aesthetic):

Finally, we have my last 2 tattoos.

See, getting my finger tattoos done was an absolute necessity before I went inter-railing and not because I’m an over-dramatic bitch who wanted a little something to make my multitude of me-holding-food photos more aesthetically pleasing (though of course it helped on that count), but because I made the fucking huge mistake of trying to stick and poke them myself. To be fair, they weren’t THAT bad at first. Like I was pretty pleased with them. Buuuut they faded super quickly and I guess that’s the issue with stick and pokes, especially on your fingers, where even professional tattoos are a bit of a flight risk anyway. So, after having to go over them a million times and spilling Indian ink all over my laptop keyboard, I decided to admit defeat and get Bianca to go over them for me. It cost £30 and I’d only give it a 4/10 on the pain scale. After months of having to explain my shitty faded finger tattoos to everyone and convince far too many customers at work that they weren’t just drawn on with a sharpie, I’m finally happy with them. Lesson learnt. Don’t stick and poke kids, especially not near your laptop.

Lastly is my “Wouldst Thou Like to Live Deliciously?” quote that Polly did for me:

The cost of this tattoo? £30. Having to explain to every person who hasn’t seen The VVitch what it actually says and then what it means too? Priceless. Hotel? Tri-

I joke. It’s actually very annoying having to explain what it says and vague what it means, not because I don’t EXACTLY know but also because I feel like a snobby film hoe (which is quite an accurate description of me) every time I do. The VVitch is super good, guys. Please watch if you’ve got the patience, it’s a slow burn.

Anyways, I hope anybody who read to the end enjoyed the post and found it informative! If you have any other tattoo questions, shoot me a message and I will definitely respond. I think one of the most common things I get is people saying they’re too indecisive to get a tattoo and that they want one, but are worried they’ll go off it. What I think is that once you get your first, getting a tattoo starts to feel like less of a momentous decision. Like there are tattoos I have that I probably wouldn’t get now but that doesn’t mean I regret them because, although it sounds cheesy, they sort of become a part of you and represent what you liked at the time. The more you have, the less significant one individual tattoo is. At the end of the day, are you ever going to regret getting a tiny rose? Worst case scenario, you can always get a cover up or if you’re brave and rich enough (lol), get laser removal. In terms of aftercare, I’ve always been kind of sloppy. Follow the instructions your tattoo artist gives you but also, if you don’t get time to moisturise them, it’s not the end of the world. TRY not to itch them but one tiny scratch isn’t going to permanently damage your tattoo.

One thing I will say, though, that’s probably kind of obvious to everyone but me (being the dumbass I am) is that you should NOT go in the sea right after getting a tattoo. It is literally the equivalent of pouring salt in an open wound and whilst it didn’t ruin my Lana, it really fucking stung for about 3 days afterwards. I’m an endless treasure chest of protips, didn’t you know?

Thank you for reading!

Lauren x

#tattoos #ink #lana del rey #lana #lana del rabies #inkaddict #tattoed girls #ewwhatacringeyhashtag #spooky #spoopy #personalstyle

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