#only acronyms I know so far

[upsidedowngrass]

eobs and wails bc i rly like crossovers but theres like . hardly any for one, which means i either just have No Crossovers or i make them myself

[chromatic-corrosion]

(part 1) Character/Show information found on Gooseworx's tumblr

I went into Gooseworx's tumblr and made a list of all the info found on there so far.

Caine:

Caine named himself before deciding that it's an acronym that stands for Creative Artificial Intelligence Networking Entity (he thinks it makes him sound professional)

‘’[Caine] does not have an age, as he is an AI.’’

Apparently, Caine is likely the best singer out of everyone in the circus.

Caine would own a circus peanut shotgun.

Caine can’t grasp the concept of irony.

Caine is not affected by “this statement is false”

if Caine could remove his clothes, there’d be nothing underneath. His clothes are his body.

Caine constantly gives silly nicknames to everything.

Caine would only bite his eyes or tongue if he thought it’s funny. Otherwise, they clip through his teeth

the restaurant that Caine was in with Bubble is “one of Caine’s special realms.”

Bubble:

Bubble speaks in reverse once in episode 3.

Bubble is a much simpler AI created by Caine

Apparently, Bubble is the biggest slut.

Bubble is ‘’Caine’s little hype man’’

Bubble likes being popped.

Bubble is a boy

Pomni:

Pomni’s hat is a part of her body

Pomni does not like being touched

Pomni’s first design looked liked a frog

Pomni’s reaction to herself in the mirror isn’t a positive reaction

Apparently, Pomni’s hair is black.

Pomni is good at accounting.

Ragatha:

Ragatha gives the best hugs

Ragatha has been in the circus the second longest.

Ragatha likes horses.

Ragatha can see through her button eye

Jax:

‘’There’s a particular character who hasn’t been revealed yet who’s practically a self-insert.’’ (He’s the mean one…Jax?)

Nobody likes Jax

Jax doesn’t have a tail.

Jax deserves to be trapped in the circus the most

There’s nothing heroic about Jax.

Jax is morally the worst character in the show.

Jax didn’t enter the circus at the age of 14.

Jax didn't react well when he first entered the circus

Jax is afraid of corn because it reminds him of something called 'the farm’. (this turned out to be a lie)

Jax mainly bullies the girls because he has issues he hasn’t worked out with himself yet.

Gangle:

Gangle likes to draw, specifically anime.

Gangle can walk on water, but only during a full moon. (this turned out to be a lie)

Gangle’s favourite anime is Azumanga Daioh.

Gangle has a body pillow with a character on it.

Gangle watched One Piece, and her favorite character was Chopper.

Kinger:

For some reason, when Gooseworx was asked to describe the next character (who we now know to be Kinger), she used the word ‘’dad’’

Kinger is not British.

Kinger is the tallest and oldest

Kinger knows how to play chess.

Zooble:

Zooble almost gets no screen time in the first two episodes

Zooble has a 'zooble box’ of extra parts in their room, and it has no end.

Zooble does not like hugs

Zooble has been in the circus the second shortest.

Zooble is very grouchy and irritable.

Zooble would smoke weed.

Zooble is the worst at giving hugs

Zooble is constantly trying out different parts.

Zooble was a tattoo artist at one point.

Zooble most likely dyed their hair in the real world.

the Sun & the Moon

The Moon (and the Sun) is an AI "like bubble"

the Sun can talk too

Queenie

The black queen chess pieces name is Queenie

Queenie being a black chess piece and Kinger being a white chess piece has no relevancy to their relationship. It’s only a design choice.

Queenie and Kinger aren’t siblings.

multiple characters

How each member of the cast would react if you called them 'adorable’.

Ragatha: oh! Thank you so much!

Jax: Well that makes one of us.

Gangle: oh…

Pomni: Uhhhhhh… thanks I guess?

Zooble: Shut up…

Kinger: Heh! 

Caine: You’re absolutely right!

Bubble: *says every slur*

Jax is the youngest member of the circus, with Zooble being the second youngest as they are half a month older than Jax.

Nobody in the circus is truly sane

the ages of all the humans.

Pomni - 25

Jax - 22

Ragatha - 30

Zooble - 22

Gangle - 26

Kinger - 48

The performers can feel pain

Every character has a reason for the way they act.

We’ll get to see the characters' rooms eventually.

Ragatha can play the cello and Zooble can play drums

None of the characters have bones, but they do have a visible skeleton when they’re being electrocuted.

Other

There wont be any singing, only instrumental songs

There are “many” that we don’t know of.

The typical episode length will be 21-25 minutes.

There won’t be any romance

‘’the entire show is about exploring these characters on a much deeper level.’’

Abstraction can’t be undone.

The abstracted all look the same

Someone asked who was closest to abstracting besides Kinger, in response Gooseworx said ‘’You wouldn't believe me if I told you.’’

“This show isn’t going to be very suitable for young kids, especially in the later episodes.’’

Future Episodes

There’s “technically” a worm in episode 2.

There is an episode that heavily features Kinger.

Some episodes are a '1’ on the horror scale, some are a '6’. all of the following

"If it were to get made into a full season, yes each character gets their own little episode."

all of the following episodes in one word.

boy

damn

oh…

haha!

guns

huh?

OH

what…

On 7th of November, Gooseworx said "the plan is eight episodes total, one season".

Note that some of this info may have changed since posting. Some may change during the course of the show, and some may be jokes and lies. Please let me know if there's anything I missed!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for scamming my ex out of an extremely valuable virtual pet?

🐓🥤to recognize. This might be a very long post with a lot of added context for a very niche hobby and a very small actual conflict.

I religiously play a virtual pet site called Chicken Smoothie. It's a pretty old site as far as virtual pet games go, starting back in 2008, so there is a pretty solid established site economy. Just for some context, Every pet on the site has a rarity, ranging from "OMG So Common" to "OMG So Rare", being the most common and most rare respectively. But there are rarities within those rarities, where some OMGSRs can be worth more than others based on species and demand. For example, an OMGSR dog from 2008 will be worth more than an OMGSR rat from 2008 despite being the same highest rarity and year, because people prefer the dogs over rats. These pets can get extremely valuable. You can't sell them for real money (according to site rules, but of course there's a black market), but the site has its own virtual currency you can buy (with real money) and trade for called Chicken Dollars, and you can also trade a valuable pet for other valuable pets. It gets very complicated, with the community coming up with its own set of value terms each pet can have. I'm not getting into specifics there, that's not important.

Every year, on December 18th, CS has gift boxes you can adopt from. These gift boxes can contain any rare pet from any previous year, including special "Unreleased pets" that you can only get from these Dec 18th boxes, with a very slim chance. These unreleased pets are some of the most valuable and rarest in the game.

Recently, I had seen my ex posting on the forums. I didn't know he had an account, he had made it within this year, long after I got the fuck away from him, and I only knew it was him because he uses the same username everywhere. This person had groomed me, physically abused me when we were together (we no longer live anywhere near each other, thankfully) and has always been emotionally manipulative. He does not know I play, and he wouldn't recognize my account as me. I took a note of his account and left it be for a while, until December 18th hit and I took a peek at what he had got. And what he got was one of the new Unreleased pets, which currently at the time of writing this only looks like a box of cereal. (Most pets on the site have growth stages.) And even better, all his groups were open for trade, so I took a chance and sent an extremely terrible trade. I told him that this pet would only be a recent rare, and I offered him a "Very Rare" rarity (but not very valuable) pet from 2018, telling him I was overpaying. (In the CS community, this is known as Ninjaing, and it's Not A Good Thing To Do). I didn't expect him to accept it, I at least thought he'd be smart enough to ask in the trade advice thread that is literally pinned on the home page for December 18th, but he didn't. He took my word for it and accepted the trade, and now I own an unreleased pet that will eventually end up as an OMGSR.

What I did was not a bannable offence. He will not get his unreleased pet back. The CS mods are laughable at worst, incompetent at best, and don't do anything to stop scamming. They have an "eh, sucks to be you, sorry, be smarter next time" mentality when people get scammed (Which is insane because there are literal single digit aged children allowed on this site!!!)

After taking a bit to think about it, I do feel a bit guilty because I really would not do this in any other circumstances. I hate scamming. I did what I did out of anger and contempt, and I do feel a bit guilty because in essence, I scammed a new player that didn't have much else and didn't know any better.

I'm still keeping that unreleased cereal box no matter what though

What are these acronyms?

[faeriekit]

Health and Hybrids (XXVI)👽👻💚

[I can't remember the original prompt posters  for the life of me but here's a mashup between a cryptid!Danny, presumed-alien!Danny, dp x dc, and the prompt made the one body horror meat grinder fic.]

🖤Chapter navigation can be found here🖤 Click to browse previous updates.

💚 Ao3 Is here for all parts 💚 (now featuring mediocre mouseover translations, only available on a computer)

Where we last left off... Danny has another hashtag breakdown! Diana helps mediate. Stinky Dad and the Alien Guy observe.

Trigger warnings for this story:  body horror | gore | post-dissection fic | dehumanization (probably) |  my nonexistent attempts at following DC canon. On with the show.

💚👻👽👻💚

“His control over his emotions slipped during the interview,” J’onn sighs, hovering alongside Bruce as they carry down the hall.

Bruce grunts. He isn’t quite capable of complicated speech yet. The teenage alien crying, too scared to let even the internationally-favorite, universally beloved Wonder Woman hold him without screaming…a person he already knew would take care of him…

J’onn continues, nevertheless. The thin privacy of his mind aside, Bruce has always appreciated the Martian’s understanding of Bruce’s oft-shifting moods. “His memories of his home and his family were tied up with extensive pain. I would continue under the assumption that his human family turned on him after discovering his nature—there may have even been collateral damage to others around them at the time.”

Bruce breathes in. Bruce breathes out.

“He thought himself akin enough to humans to be betrayed when he was seen as an 'other'. He knows that he is far from home, he knows that he has been targeted for his non-human traits and abilities, and he has reasons to think that he may not return again—what they are, I could not tell, but the sentiment was clear. This escape was purposeful, as was commandeering the vehicle he used to do so. He is alone. He is scared.”

“Known or unknown threat?” Bruce growls, not quite up to elongating his bite into a full sentence. J’onn is more than skilled enough to skim lightly over the words, and match them to Batman’s pointed fury.

“Our patient is familiar with the threat. I could not recognize the insignia or acronym from his memories, but they had enough resources to keep him captive and alive—without food or water. Likely, for a lengthy amount of time.”

Bruce’s near-running stride slows to a stop. J’onn, ever-patient, floats to a standstill beside him.

“No food,” Bruce confirms, just to make sure he heard correctly.

J’onn nods.

“No water.”

“There was an alternative method used to keep him alive, although the details weren’t significant to him in his flashback. The method may have been possible due to his minor healing ability, or something unique to his species.”

No food, Bruce thinks. No water. Kept alive as a function. Worried that he’s meant to be used as a weapon, kept in isolation, afraid of what humans in uniform might require of him for help.

This isn’t just torture. It is, specifically targeting a half-human entity, entirely purposeful dehumanization.

Of a child.

Of a child.

Bruce inhales. Bruce exhales.

This is not something that will be solved short-term. He has to keep an eye on the long-term goals for this teen—safety, recovery, reassurance, and reintegration.

Doable. All he has to do is break larger goals down into reasonable steps.

“Update the pediatric psychiatrist that Dr. Martin referred him to on the details.” Bruce’s demand comes out as flat as it gets. It is hard, when he’s stressed, to make his words hit with any intonation. Everything he forces out is precise. To the point.

J’onn nods. “I will.”

“This is personal medical information, to be accessed only on a need to know basis.”  

J’onn floats slightly higher, something relaxed in his face. This is a significant gesture, meant to remind everyone involved that this is a child, not a resource, and not a mission to be solved. This is a patient. “Understood.”

“If you pass this on to Diana, do it in person. Minimizing documentation…” Bruce falters. There isn’t a strong, authoritarian way to phrase how he feels about being someone to store clinically cold information about a boy who had likely been imprisoned, if not actively experimented on, if not actively tortured. How he needed to minimize behaviors that would exactly model what was done to the boy by his captors.

A smile flickers over J’onn’s expression. It’s suitably fleeting, but it comes and it goes—and it’s extremely polite of him to emote so visibly for Bruce’s sake. He makes sure to project his appreciation as best he knows how—blindly, without a telepathic sense to know what J’onn will and will not see.

“Understood, Batman.”

Bruce grunts.

They split at the end of the hallway, each dedicated to their own tasks.

J’onn will inform the medical team of what triggers may affect their patient’s long-term recovery and the quality of their stay. He is a thorough and patient coworker, and Bruce is grateful to have him on his side.

Bruce, in the meantime, has a favor to ask of Alfred and Dick on their way back into Gotham; more importantly, this is a favor he has to ask of Alfred’s employment-provided Costco card.

*

There’s something new in Danny’s room.

He transfers himself into the wheelchair to look at it, scrambling down the bed the way the physical therapist taught him to—the new thing isn't at bed height, but it is pretty low, and it has a door that he could probably reach from seated height or standing.

The square thing’s door swings open.

Inside are…little water bottles. Canned juices. Those mushy fruit-filled bars, and something so obviously wrapped in a yellow Fig Einstein wrapper that even the gibberish non-English is super clear.

There’s a bunch of things. Just. So many; and all in a few different types, too. The whole thing is filled with so many choices.

…Huh.

There are disposable straws in the door. Danny has to borrow a nurse’s ID card to open the can tab in the end, and his unwrapping of a straw is more than a little shaky, but Danny takes his medication with a mango-pineapple juice blend instead of his usual cup of water, and he’s perfectly fine with that.

[nozunhinged]

Okay okay okaaaayyyyy I swear I also have smart thoughts that are NOT related to boys artistically smashing on screen BUT korntonkla in 4 minutes is such a prime example of plot driven intimacy if not THE prime example in all of the BL I've watched so far. We all know mystery and timejumps and how they are done well and visuals we need to look for but when it comes to physical intimacy as a plot device everything suddenly goes to shit so here I am.

I'm going to explain why korntonklas scene was the perfect way to establish their relationship and how this is so, so, much more than just a "NC scene" (btw I HATE this acronym with a passion), it's an essential part of the story that cannot be left out.

But I do understand it's not everyone's cup of tea so I am going to seize screenshots or GIFs but plssssss keep reading the scene deserves it! Even more if you've skipped it!

Ok now with the disclaimers out of the way, let's talk about Korn and tonkla.

The flow of their scene was absolutely perfect from start to finish and not a single second was wasted. Their sugar relationship is established immediately with the topic of work as the center. Thanks to that we learn what their relationship is in the first place, which purpose it serves korn and what that says about him. His sweet words are the turning point to shift the focus on tonkla. They are too sweet, almost cheesy, they're empty and meaningless but we watch tonkla eating them up like candy and the stage is set for the exploration of their dynamic.

Tonklas way of rewarding these words, which brings us the iconic bareback moment.

Tonkla turns from cute and confident to incredibly needy the moment the heat turns up and we understand in a split second that he wants more from his daddy than just his dick. He wants his trust, a true connection, the level a relationship could potentially reach and his only chance in their current setting to articulate that is by yeah, asking if Korn could go in raw.

And how he doesn't even say no, he just rips the condom open.

Oh boy no dialogue in the world could replace THAT, I'm telling you. Now we know he uses his power in this moment to cover up his cowardice and acts like the one whos in control. I have a feeling this way of dealing with things will bite him in the ass later.

Meanwhile tonkla just takes everything he could get. And if that wasn't enough to let us know what's going on here, we double down with a round of helping tonkla cum.

That makes him look generous and loving and of course it would make tonklan even happier because that's (unfortunately) not the norm. Another way of covering up his uuh...let's call it mediocre performance.

But in tonklas eyes, he's so lucky to have him. Korns knows he has to take good care of his puppy if he wants to keep him. How do we learn that? Well in their afterglow all tonkla does is cling to Korn to bask in every moment he gets with him while Korn is completely out of it, visibly enjoying his stress relief.

And let's be real here, he may have jerked his boy off but dude held it for like 10 seconds before he busted whimpering like a damn loser no amount of money makes you this happy in the way tonkla is clinging to him. Puppy is down bad.

The conclusion of it all—the make out scene before they get interrupted—is the cherry on top, now we know how their dymanic works and how it functions in the overall story. Chefs kiss, I'm telling you.

I could go on how many plot points we've established in this one intimate scene but this is already too long uuuugh.

Korn and his relationship with tonkla painted a perfect picture of his character and the issues he has and will have to deal with and I'm telling you there was NO BETTER WAY to establish than with this scene.

And I haven't even touched on the natural movements of the actors, the realistic flow of things that make everything so palpable, tiny details like Korn holding his dick after he lubed it up. It's not relevant to the plot but makes the intented plot points SHINE because you don't stumble over clunky or unrealistic execution and can concentrate on what's happening with the characters UGHHHHHH SO GOOD!!!

Man that's A+ direction and I'm in absolute awe.

[ruby-white-rabbit]

So Ive seen this with shows, books, and now song titles so I just want to get something off my chest

At least ONCE say the whole thing you're talking about. I'm so tired of seeing alphabet soup and having NO CLUE what you're talking about.

People will gush about characters or a story and it sounds interesting and then... Acronym.

No tag or mention of the full work just the keysmash

PLEASE at least SOMEWHERE tell me what you're talking about because even though I love a band and know all their songs, out of the 8 mentions on the post I saw that really triggered this rant, I could only identify two of them

"omg I love fwtbops and wiwtwbaitaiy!"

The fuck kind of stroke did you all just have? You love WHAT??? How are people supposed to look into what you enjoy if you don't actually TELL THEM. I'm in the fandom and still had no fucking clue! It's actually harder and slower for me to read like that and took far more time to actually type cause I had to stop and think about each letter and word MORE than if I just wrote the full title.

"omg you should so read acotar" I had to ask someone wtf that meant because no one would say it ANYWHERE. For over a YEAR. And sometimes I've asked and they won't tell me because "lol you know!" No! No I don't that's why I ASKED

Even if it's at the beginning of a long post and then you abbreviate it every other mention, that's fine. I at least now know what the jumble following now means. Or the tags! No one puts it in the tags hardly. It's just the acronym again so I'm still lost

If you want others to find and enjoy what you do, PLEASE TELL THEM WHAT IT ACTUALLY IS. SOMEWHERE.

I can't go into barnes and noble and say "yeah I'm looking for mgamttyss" and expect them to know what that boggle shaken title means with no key words

[lokisgoodgirl]

Sundress Season [Avenger!Loki x Fem.Reader]

A link to my Masterlist is HERE Summary: You wear a sundress. Loki likes this very much. (w/c 3.3k) Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI. Teasing. Light jealousy. Smut. Language. Semi-public. A/N - Based on my drabble The Sundress.

Chatter sang in the air, ebbing as you padded down the hall from the balcony to the kitchen. It was the hottest day of the year so far, and even sixty floors up, the heat off the New York pavement sizzled. Loki sat at the breakfast bar beneath the air con. You were surprised to see him, considering. ‘One does not partake in social events with an inane acronym' he’d said haughtily, when you had optimistically invited him to the barbecue. “Agent?” he greeted, observing you suspiciously as he was known to do. Like a panther in the bushes.

“Laufeyson.” you replied, before throwing him a secretive wink. It had only been a few weeks since your relationship had become irrevocably unprofessional. The god closed the book he’d been reading flat on the counter, running his keen eyes down your body and back to your face at a snail’s pace.

“What in the Nine are you wearing?”

You pouted, inspecting the folds of your cotton skirt. Loki's gaze followed the smooth of your hand down the light fabric floating around your thighs. Sweet, but slutty. A calculated move. Loki’s face was hard, his stare narrowed. "Oh this?” you postured, an innocent swish of hem flashing the curve of your ass. Loki frowned, seeing the glimmer of lace underwear. “It's a sundress" you shrugged, grabbing a glass and turning towards the sink. You smiled knowingly, feeling him trawl the exposed backs of your knees right down to the strappy sandals. “A sun...dress?” he scoffed. You shrugged again. "It's like you're barely wearing...anything." You jumped as Loki's breath fanned your cheek, his voice smooth as black treacle. "Are you truly trying to drive me mad?" You hadn't even heard him move from the chair. The jolt of your fingers nudged the tap off as Loki's stomach pressed against your back. You could feel the hard heat taut against your spine through the thin fabric as he curled his frame with a low groan. The god's fingertips began to make small circles on the backs of your legs, caressing the bare skin. "I'm not sure how I feel about my lover being on display in such a fashion." he growled, thrusting gently against your ass. "You'd be locked up on Asgard for public indecency." His cock rubbed between your cheeks as your head fell back against his collarbone. The furiously hard length was pinned beneath his jeans, denim catching tortuously against thin folds of cotton. How he always got aroused so quickly, you would never know. Maybe it's like Bruce, you thought as Loki inhaled against your skin. But instead of angry all the time, he's horny. "It's just a dress..." you huffed, feigning annoyance. His fingertips danced beneath the skirts, the light touch making you tingle. Loki chuckled. "You're telling me that these salacious garbs will be a feature of summers in this realm?" His nose nudged a wedge of hair from your temple, before he released a filthy moan in your ear. You nodded, shivering as his palms covered your breasts, giving the exposed cleavage from your skimpy neckline a squeeze.

"Wonderful." he groaned, another growl rasping in your ear as you ground back against his hips. Your eyes fluttered shut as Loki palmed your breasts upward, impatient fingertips pulling at the thin material. “But I must insist that you do so with caution.” He rubbed hard against you, every rough drag making his lust feel even more dangerous. Wandering lips latched to the curve of your shoulder, sucking with a lurid groan as his tongue slid against supple skin. Someone cleared their throat. “Excuse me.” You rolled your eyes. Steve.

“This is a public area. I’m sure we’d all appreciate if you refrain from y’know…it’s unhygienic.” He waved a hand, averting his gaze while his cheeks flushed crimson. In the other, he held a single, huge cob of corn. Loki peeled himself from your back, the remnants of his lurid kiss leaving a trail of saliva on your shoulder. “You can watch if you like, Rogers.” he snarled. You swiftly elbowed him in the stomach. Loki let out an exaggerated oof, smirking as you delivered a serious shake of your head. He drew up to his full height, the tight t-shirt clinging to his torso doing nothing to quell the hot thump between your legs. “Sorry Steve.” you mumbled, feeling your cheeks heat. The captain nodded, awkwardly shuffling back and forth as he tried to recall his business in the kitchen. His eyes fell on the corn in his hand as if seeing it for the first time. “Butter!” Steve gasped, relieved. He looked towards you and Loki, satisfied in the change of subject. “Can’t have a fat, juicy cob without fresh butter dripping down it, huh?” You cast Loki a piercing glance, seeing his bottom lip disappear between his teeth as the oblivious Rogers made his way to the fridge. He was trying, you’d give him that. “I’ll see you outside.” Your words made Loki’s eyebrows nudge upwards. “I told you, I don’t-” There was an edge in his voice as you leant closer, palming his cock through the tight denim. “Shame...I’d have liked you to appreciate this dress a little more. I wore it just for you, but I guess the rest of the guys will have to do.” Without a second glance, you began the walk back to the balcony. The sound of meat sizzling and cans popping grew louder as you padded down the hall, Loki’s footsteps tapping in reluctant succession as he strode to catch up.

“Now hold on just a minute-” he rasped. His fingers curled around the delicate crease of your elbow, swinging you in a semi-circle flush to his chest. For all his strength, his touch never caused pain. Only pleasure. Loki’s breath caught as your breasts swelled against his chest, flesh heaving gently over the cotton neckline. “Yes?” you purred, looking up at him beneath heavy lashes. “Hurry up girl – we miss you!” Wilson shouted, a holler from Bucky accompanying his overtures. They descended into laughter. You smiled, tilting your head. “They miss me.” you pouted, lips twitching in a smile. Loki frowned as you brushed away from him. You made sure to give your skirt as extra swish as the breeze from the open balcony door buffeted by; the burn of Loki’s stare warming any chill from the wind.

The guys had saved your seat, bless 'em. Sam and Bucky reclined in perfect synchronicity, a mirror image with muscled arms spread on the back of the rattan furniture waiting for you to re-join them. Tony had refreshed the wrap-around balcony with a whole new set for the summer, luxurious L-shaped sofas with lush fake grass underfoot. He was currently manning the barbecue, beer in hand while Nat watched him turn chicken. “You gotta leave them on one side to cook through, Stark.” she muttered scathingly, swigging from a bottle. Tony chuckled, the skin around his sunglasses creasing at the edge. “What? Worried Earth’s mightiest heroes are gonna be taken down by a little salmonella? Please.” Nat rolled her eyes, before they landed on Loki lingering suspiciously by the plate glass doors. She patted the space beside her. “Come and sit down, gorgeous.” she hummed towards him, throwing you a wink as he scuffed his feet. Loki glanced to the side, grimacing before catching another glimpse of you sandwiched between your colleagues. “Fine.” he said through a gritted smile. He walked the short distance, reclining gracefully beside Natasha and resting a foot on his knee; a pair of black wayfarers manifesting over his eyes.

“There. Was that so hard?” she cooed, her lips twisting in a smirk as Loki’s t-shirt creased against a deep sigh. Tony spun to the side, tilting his chin to his chest and peering over his sunglasses.

“Oh, hey...I didn’t realise Edward Cullen had deemed us worthy of his company today. Kudos.” he quipped, before turning back to the chicken-related task at hand.

You smiled, curling a strand of hair behind your ear before glancing down. The ol' cleavage was looking pretty damn good if you did say so yourself. A sheen of sunscreen gave your skin an ethereal glimmer, dancing in the light. Behind his sunglasses, you could feel Loki’s fiery gaze trawling your body inch by inch. He loved this. The denial, the jealousy, the drama. You crossed your legs slowly, sweat catching as you slid the hem up your thigh before readjusting the fan of cotton. “I gotta say, that dress does look swell on you.” Bucky said, leaning back for a better view. “You polish up real nice outta combat gear.” he winked. Loki’s fingers tightened on the armrest, a crunch alerting you to the fact that the new rattan furniture was feeling the brunt of his jealousy. A thin sheen of sweat was forming on his forehead. “Thanks.” you smiled sweetly, patting Barnes innocently on the leg. “I had it in the closet from last year so with it being such a beautiful day…” you gestured upwards. Wilson nodded sagely as his eyes darted repeatedly to your chest. A single drop of sweat dripped from your collarbone down your cleavage. Sam cleared his throat. “Should stay like this all week, hope you got a whole stash of those little numbers ready to roll.”

A playful smack of your hand landed on Wilson’s chest, accompanied by a giggle. His bright shirt was splayed open, taut skin perfectly smooth and supple in the afternoon sun. Deep lines appeared on Loki’s brow above the Ray Bans, his eyes undoubtedly narrowed. Wilson chuckled, sipping his beer.

Over rising banter, you watched your lover adjusting his hips; squirming silently as long fingers pinched at his thigh. His pale skin was glowing with moisture, the collar of his t-shirt beginning to tinge with sweat. The heat was a convenient cover, but you knew better. He was horny. Desperately so. And with every sweep of his covetous gaze over your slick body in that war-cry of a dress, he would be growing harder. Loki got off on this; the game of flirtations that would undoubtedly end with him fucking you senseless as he 'claimed you'. It would be passionate, verbose. It always was. Your hungry stare ran over his thighs, drinking in the length of muscle he was furiously trying to keep under control in the face of your insolence. No one had noticed. Yet.

You leant forward, crossing your forearms over a dangling knee. The cotton sundress tightened on your chest, the breeze fluttering around the small section of skirt hanging beneath the edge of the sofa. Loki let out a low growl, biting his lip as he crossed his legs. Nat frowned, before the inevitable question was silenced by Steve’s triumphant arrival. “Budge up.” Rogers ordered through a mouthful of corn, butter smeared across his chin. Loki let out a sigh of exasperation, sliding closer to Natasha with his lips hardened in disgust. The captain nestled himself at the end of the chair, devouring the cob gluttonously while indecent moans filled the air. A blob of butter slid down the side, falling with a silent spat to the thigh of the god’s jeans. Loki looked at the blossoming stain with disbelief as Steve swallowed, letting out a satisfied grunt. “Butter was a good choice.” he congratulated himself. Loki grimaced, sliding the wayfarers into his hair. “Will you desist?!” he spat, making Natasha smirk. “Meats almost ready!” Tony shouted, beginning to hum a tune to defuse the sudden tension. Loki huffed, standing and flicking his hair back. “This is absurd.” he griped, throwing you a burning look before pacing towards the railings at the corner of the building. “What was that about?” Bucky muttered, flinching as a ridiculously large plate of barbecued meats landed on the table with zero finesse. “He’s mad about Steve’s dripping cob.” Tony straightened as he spoke, wiping his hands down an apron. “But if we’re honest, aren’t we all?” He widened his arms in a theatrical shrug as Steve’s face flushed. While light-hearted bickering ensued, you rose, slipping away to the side. The slap of your sandals grew loud in your ears as you drew towards Loki’s back, enjoying the fan on dark curls against his triangular torso. Deep lines of muscle were visible through the t-shirt, clinging to every ridge and valley of his powerful form. You shivered, sliding your hands around his waist and inhaling between his shoulder-blades. “You should know better than to sneak up on a warrior, Agent.” he murmured. Your hand wandered down to the edge of his t-shirt, fingernails grazing his sweat-moistened skin. His stomach was so firm, and yet every curve of muscle relented to your touch like sand. They slid over the waistband of his jeans, down...down. “Tease.” Loki hissed, “I shall not forget this.” He let his head fall back as you began to rub. “I don’t know what you mean.” you quipped innocently, resting your chin between his shoulder-blades. You could feel the heat of his skin through the fabric. In a second, Loki spun off to the side, dragging you with him. The heads of your friends disappeared behind the corner as Loki pulled you around the wrapped balcony into the shade. “You know exactly what you do to me.” he growled, caging you to the wall. “Always.” He let out a deep groan as his fingertips danced beneath the hem of the sundress, riding up his forearms as he burrowed beneath the skirts. They skimmed damp skin, tracing lazy circles as his tongue licked the salt from your neck. Loki's fingertips sank into the curves of your ass, a hot exhale of need flooding your ear. “The way they were looking at you in this flimsy garment...only I am allowed to look at you thus. That is my privilege alone.” he growled darkly, running his nose up your temple. “That’s not how it works here, Loki.” you goaded, gasping as his palms squeezed your cheeks. Hands resting on his waist, you pulled at the t-shirt with a whimper. The god chuckled. “I’m aware of that.” he muttered regretfully. “But old habits die hard.”

There was a light snap as he pinged back your underwear, another groan of desire vibrating from his chest to yours. “Darling…” Loki’s breaths were ragged as your hands began fumbling with the button of his jeans. “Shhh...don’t talk. You have to be quiet.” you warned. The white noise of the team’s wholesome afternoon tinkled around the corner as the god pressed you against the cool side of the building. Street traffic blared sporadically below, hidden from view by the railings. You ran the firm rim of your palm down his shaft, hard and thick beneath the denim. Loki's knees juddered, making obsidian locks swing around your forehead. “That f-fucking dress…” he whimpered gruffly. “It’s so...you look so...unbearably...uhhh-” The syllables of his words faded as he pressed his hips against your body, gyrating into your touch. “I must have you in it. Here.” he whispered. With one swipe, Loki pulled the panties down. They pooled around your sandals, discarded on the artificial grass as he effortlessly raised you in the air. Your legs cinched around his waist, grasping between your bodies before your fingers wrapped around the hot, moist head of his cock. Loki groaned, his eyelids fluttering shut. Long fingers dug into your thighs, hoisting you closer against him. The girth nestled teasingly at your entrance while his lips made love to every inch of accessible skin. “Bruises…” you gasped warily, lost in a haze of bliss as he sucked down hard. “I care not.” came the scathing response, muffled wetly against your shoulder.

“They should know you are spoken for.” he husked, his menacingly sexy bone structure rising to meet your wide-eyed stare. You bucked your hips, trying to capture his cock. The heat pulsing between your legs was unbearable, writhing sweatily against the wall. You could feel new warmth rising in your cheeks. “They do know, they’re just playing with you-” Words evaporated as Loki shook his head with a crafty smirk. “Well, they know not well enough.” he growled, spreading his palms wider as he slid you onto his length. The wide tip breached, a loud gasp from your lips silenced by the cup of his hand. “Shhh...you must be quiet.” he echoed mockingly as your eyes screwed shut with a shameless moan of pleasure. Your hands slid over his shoulders, winding in his hair as he began to thrust. Each pump was desperate, shallow. His quiet goans blew hot in your ear, Loki’s strength holding you steady as he fucked you against the wall. A bead of sweat rolled from his hairline, caressing down the curve of a sharp cheekbone before falling between your bodies. His fingers slid around the curve of your ass, playing teasingly with your back entrance. “Loki-” you gasped, bucking up into him. The metal of Stark Tower bit against your bare skin with every earth-shattering mount; the god’s free hand palming your breast through the thin cotton dress. It felt frantic. And hot as hell. It felt divine. “I want my cum dripping down those pretty thighs of yours.” Loki grunted through gritted teeth. You tugged his hair back, lust-drunk at the sight of his devastating jawline flash as his chin pointed to the cloudless sky. He hissed, the wave of his hips into your core never losing their rhythm. “Far beyond the reach of that delicate garment. That so called sun-dress…a mess of my m-mark for all to see.” he rasped, baring his teeth while his knees began to buckle. “I would have every one of them know that you have been claimed, my seed smeared against that beautiful skin- uhh-g-gods…”

Waves of climax began to crest in your belly, the unbearable tug of his pubic mound against your clit with every clench of his ass. Your fingers slid inside the empty belt loops of his splayed jeans, pulling him closer as you breathed his name on repeat. Loki’s hands gripped the skirts of your skimpy dress, gathering the cotton in clutches as he bottomed out with a shaking moan. “Norns tha-that dress…” Shameless adoration smouldered in his eyes, a sea of blue and green masked by dilated darkness. He raised an arm to steady himself against the wall, bicep quivering as he lost himself inside your dripping sex. Loki’s moist forehead pressed to your own, wordless screams building as you began to come around his cock. Your nails scraped down the tight fabric clinging to his back as shuddering orgasm consumed you, feeling his shoulder-blades tense. His breath hitched, a choked groan gurgling in his throat as his thighs trembled. “Claim me, Loki-” you choked, making him clench forwards over the edge. He emptied himself inside you with a shaking moan of your name, shallow pants racking his body as your legs tightened around his hips. As you caught your breath, Loki’s lips pressed gently to yours. His tongue slipped between them as he rubbed a thumb up your jawline with softening eyes. You looked up as he lowered you back to the ground, steadying you when your knees almost gave way. “Well, I certainly hope you’ve learned your lesson regarding that particular item of clothing.” Loki warned, running a hand through his sex-mussed hair before inspecting the suspicious bruises blossoming on your shoulder. You could feel his cum begin its descent of your thigh, rolling in thick drips down damp skin. You hummed, shrugging before gathering the front of his t-shirt in a fist. “Wear more of them?” you purred innocently. Loki winked.

Tags @meowmeow-motherfucker @imalovernotahater @avengersalways @littledark11 @lokikissesmyforehead @simplyholl @fictive-sl0th @thedistractedagglomeration @lokischambermaid @loveroflokiforpoeticjustice @coldnique @jaidenhawke @vbecker10 @thomase1 @morriggannlostinfandoms @marygoddessofmischief @sebstanwhore @peacefulpianist @maple-seed @yelkmelk @wheredafandomat @mistress-ofmagic @infinitystoner @goblingirlsarah @ozymdias @peaches1958 @your-taste-on-my-lips @lokidokieokie @kikster606 @peachyjinx @tbhiddlestan83 @trickster-maiden @skymoonandstardust @justjoanne242 @sidepartskinnyjeans @ladyofthestayingpower @wolfmoonmusic @brittbax @smolvenger @lunarnights95 @superficialdomina @kaleenjackson @fictional-hooman @psychospore @littlespaceyelf

[misc-obeyme]

Hello my beloved CC I’d love to hear about how Mephistopheles would react to MC giving him conversation hearts?

Dearest Violet, I hope you're having a fabulous Valentine's Day!

I really thought I wouldn't have time to do all the other characters today, but the stars have aligned and gave me some unexpected extra hours! So I went ahead and did everybody, including of course our man Mephisto! I also did my OC Arsenios because I was curious about what his reaction would be lol.

Thank you for asking! 💕

XOXO Part Two - GN!MC x side characters & OC Arsenios

Warnings: none!

Part One

Diavolo

Absolutely thrilled, of course. Tell him everything you know about conversation hearts, even if it's just that they exist and are sold every year. Watch his eyes get all shiny as he looks at them because he thinks they're so adorable.

He will eat them, but he will read every single one in the box out loud to you first. And he'll want you to eat them with him, so he's going to deliberately give you the ones that he would actually like to say to you. This means you end up eating most of them because he can't help himself.

Give him the one that says MY HERO and watch him blush. He tries to keep his cool, but you can see how much it means to him. He's happy you gave him these, MC. Thank you for sharing a piece of your world with him.

Now you're the one blushing. Diavolo gives you his signature laugh and pulls you into his arms. Gives you the last one that just says KISS before doing exactly that.

Barbatos

He's surprised, but quite happy because it turns out he actually made his own version to give to you. He thought you might like a little piece of home, but he never expected you to share that same thing with him. He's touched that you thought of him, MC.

He is aware of them because of his tendency to learn about human world desserts and candies. The ones he made for you are beyond delicious. You insist he share them with you because they taste better than the normal chalk version. Barbatos is happy to, but he finds the regular human world variety quite charming as well.

His hearts have a lot of the usual cute sayings, but a couple of them have more elaborate decorations such as a little bouquet of flowers or an elegant lace pattern. You can't help but blush when you find one that just says your name.

He finds the same message in both sets of hearts and gives them to you. They say BE MINE. Give him one back that says I'M YOURS and all the sweet candies are forgotten because he needs you in his arms that very second.

Simeon

Oh these are incredibly cute. He's so happy that you've given him some! If the box happens to have any texting acronyms, though, he will be baffled. Holds one up for you that says TTYL with a question in his eyes. Explain to him what they all mean and that it's only something they include because they're short enough to fit on the hearts.

Simeon finds them delightful. He'll be especially pleased if you give him an extra box for Luke. He thinks Luke would love to decorate a cake with some of these!

But he has to admit that the messages are a little too short to truly encompass how he feels about you. He shifts some of them around to from little sentences, eventually landing on REAL LOVE, PEACE, FOREVER. Do you understand what he's trying to say, MC?

Maybe you form your own sentence in hopes that he'll see you do understand. Something like ONLY YOU, ANGEL. Watch him blush and smile. Then he's kissing you and it's far sweeter than anything a conversation heart has to offer.

Solomon

Of course he's already familiar with this particular item from your shared human experience. He was probably alive when they first came on the scene and he might tell you about it if you prod him enough. He might not have been paying much attention, though, so likely his memory on this just that they showed up at some point.

He's really quite happy that you gave him some. His instinct is to wow you by using magic to alter them. He turns them different colors and changes the words on them. He makes one spell out a whole Shakespeare sonnet one or two words at a time.

You can't help but laugh at that, but you tell him it's cheating. If he really wants to let you know how he feels, he has to use what's already in the box. He accepts your challenge. Have you forgotten who you're dealing with, MC?

Surprises you by not giving you a whole stack of them. He only hands you a single heart. It says, boldly and clearly, I LOVE YOU. He's smiling his mischievous smile, but there's a slight blush there, too. Your answer is a kiss.

Mephistopheles

At first he's somewhat confused. Why are you giving him a box full of chalk, MC? He's not exactly familiar with human world stuff, so he doesn't realize it's candy at first. Explain it to him and he's surprisingly appreciative. He wasn't expecting you to think of him.

Really knock his socks off by giving him a few extra boxes for his little brother. The fact that you remembered he has one really makes him soft. It also gives him the opportunity to ask about your own family. He wants to know about them, if you want to talk about them.

Now you're having a whole conversation that goes far beyond the hearts, but you're both enjoying them together. He might not even like them all that much, but he seems to be content to eat them with you.

Deliberately give him one that says FIRST KISS and watch him get flustered. Acts like it wasn't an invitation on your part, so you'll have to be a little more blatant if you actually want him to kiss you. Eventually he gets the message and it turns out he's wanted to kiss you all along. You can tell by how hungry his lips are and the way he wraps his arms so tightly around you.

Raphael

Surprises you by actually knowing about them. Seems confused by your surprise. Surely you've heard about Michael's preference for sweet things. That extends to human world items like this, too. He doesn't really get the appeal, but he is happy that you thought of him.

He actually likes the brevity of the messages. They're short and efficient, communicating a single sentiment quickly and clearly. Nobody could misinterpret something that says CALL ME. That's pretty straightforward, don't you think, MC?

This argument is all well and good until you give him one that says XOXO. He has no idea what that means. Perhaps it's in a human world language he's not familiar with? He takes back everything he said about clear communication.

Once you explain what they mean, he gets a little flustered. Hugs and kisses? Why not just say that? Distract him by pulling him in for a simultaneous hug and kiss. He's blushing for real now. He understands the essence of XOXO a little better, but he wouldn't mind if you showed him again.

Thirteen

Wow, humans do some really adorable things, don't they? Look at these tiny hearts with cheesy words on them! They look like chalk, but she finds them endearing. And of course she's trying to hide how pleased she is that you gave her something. It's really cute of you.

She's already coming up with ways to use them for traps. Put a spell on one and leave it somewhere an immortal sorcerer just might happen to find it. She might do it, too, if you don't distract her a bit.

Find one that says MY GIRL to give to her. She smiles and blushes just a little, but leans in to ask if you think she belongs to you. Maybe you tell her that you'd like that. A direct response such as that flusters her and now she's not sure how to react.

Searches through the hearts, but she can't seem to find one that says what she wants, so she just shoves the first one she picks up toward you. It says LOL. You actually do laugh because it's pretty cute how flustered she is. She decides to clear things up by kissing you. You get a little dizzy at how quickly she goes from shy to bold. It's some time before she lets you go.

Arsenios

The minute you put the box in his hand, he's fighting down a blush because wow, you are really cute, MC. A sweet little human like you actually taking the time to give him these candies stamped with lovey phrases really surprises him.

He takes them all out of the box and lines them up in the way that makes the most sense. You're a little confused about why he's doing it until he takes out his guitar. A few chords later and he's singing you a song using every phrase from the box. You're both laughing pretty quickly because the words are mostly nonsense.

But Arsenios deliberately left the best group for last and his voice becomes sweet when he sings you the final line. ONLY YOU, MY LOVE, BE TRUE. It's still only a fragment of a sentence at best, but the sentiment rings through the notes and you can see it in his eyes.

He smiles at you as the notes fade away because he's pleased at your reaction. But it isn't enough, so he takes your hands and asks if he can kiss you. If you say yes, you'll find yourself so distracted in his embrace that you don't notice that he never actually ate any of the candy hearts.

xoxo part one with the brothers

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[sweet-as-an-angel]

Hello there! I've been a fan of your work for a while now and let me just say, your original works and characters have me absolutely captivated! (Your yandere outlaw is one of my top favorite fictional characters! And your yandere cult leader is rapidly rising in the ranks 👀) You put so much detail into all your writing and you really delve deep into the psychology and personality of every one of them so beautifully, not to mention how diverse they all are from one another. Each and every one has such dimension and they're so believable in their actions and reactions! (And can I just say I think it's very clever that your yandere!Milf/Dilf's names start with the acronym's initial)

And your MCs are also quite vibrant and while they remain easily relatable they still have distinct traits that the characters get attached to. Thank you for making and sharing these amazing stories and characters with us, it really makes my day whenever I see you've posted something new.

Now, I know this ask is getting pretty lengthy (sorry about that ^^" I tend to ramble) but I was going through your Yan!Dilf works again and I wanted to ask, how would Dominic react if his darling was someone who's maybe dealt with manipulative people in the past or is highly emotionally intelligent and observant who could tell he wasn't being entirely genuine? But instead of pulling away from him they try to understand what he wants from them and was open about it? Would he ever even become obsessed with someone like that or allow that kind of situation to happen or is he too cautious for it to be possible?

I know you've had a lot of asks so please don't feel obligated to answer this! But in any case thank you again for sharing your works and I hope you have a wonderful wonderful day! 💖💫

My Lovely, you have positively touched my soul with your endearing sentiments ! Truly, you have made my day and I cannot thank you enough for being such a loyal enthusiast of my work, your time is valued more than I can ever hope to express <3.

Your question is an incredibly fascinating one, my Dear; thank you for sharing it with us ! I wish you the happiest and most prosperous of days, Sweetie ^^

TW: Manipulation, Dominic Being Dominic, Vulnerability, No Pronouns Used For Reader Except 'You'.

♡ Dominic is, as you suggested, initially extremely cautious around you. However, he knows he can't just drop you like a sack of potatoes; it would be far too obvious to the people around him, which would surely cause others to find him out as the serpent he is if they ever went digging around his character.

♡ But, when you show him, gradually, like a keeper feeding a feral animal, that your endeavour is not to oust him as an un-human but rather to understand what made him like this in the first place (and all the lace and frills that come with such a monumental task), he regards you...differently than he did before.

♡ Sure, he thought you were very attractive and that you could offer him something other than the resplendence his life is steeped in, but now...

♡ He feels exposed. Seen. Vulnerable.

♡ All things he tries to push back against. Things he tries to bury beneath a grandiose tale of a childhood spent in the most accommodating of educational establishments, lavish mansions and the lap of luxury.

♡ He tries to lead you a merry dance down a version of his life that he wants you to see, rebuttaling your attempts at making him crack.

♡ You tell him you can see past that. He, feeling his eye twitch, believes you.

♡ It will take a long, long time to get Dominic even close to admitting a scintilla of how his psyche works. Or, rather, doesn't work.

♡ And it's only if you manage to grind away at his need to hide his most precious secret - the parasite that wears his skin and controls his mind - that he'll open up.

♡ Fractionally. Piecemeal. But he opens up, nonetheless.

♡ He'll grow to love you in ways unfathomable even to him.

♡ If you thought he was bad without having a background in combatting the manipulation of others, he is insidious now.

♡ You become to him what he could never be for himself; a safe haven. The only person from which he does not hide.

♡ Sure, he keeps the more...dangerous aspects of his personality hidden for a lot longer than others, but you can topple these columns, can shake Dominic from his perch forged from the ivory of a devil's horns.

♡ You can tame him in ways unimaginable. You have only to see him for who - what - he truly is.

Reblog for more content like this! It helps creators like myself tremendously and it is greatly appreciated :-)

Masterlist Yandere AI Masterlist Masterpost

AO3 Wattpad Tumblr Backup Account

[he4rtiz]

[𝐣𝐞 𝐭'𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞 ⋆ 𝐣𝐞 𝐭'𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞]

or, haku comforts you in his own unique way

pairing: haku kusanagi x f!reader author’s note: first fic in i don’t know how long and my first fic for tokyo debunker, everyone cheers! this fic is quite comical... at least for me lol to be honest this fic was born out of my love for haku, he and his flirting got me sick!!!! i demand more scenes in which haku flirts with mc!!!!!! possible ooc!haku but bear with me pls

english isn't my native language!

Your days at Darkwick Academy were never boring enough, not when every single ghoul and staff member was able to double down your already tiring and tedious workload. 

Your days spent running from house to house, from task to task, without even being able to take a small break.

Today wasn’t different from usual. Your day started with helping Kaito with his remedial classes, then you gave Sho a hand with Highway to Home, only to then sprinting towards Jabberwock to stop Towa from striking down an anomalous creature who accidentally hurt Haru, to then team up with Haru to bring Ren back to Jabberwock.

Cue said fugitive yelling about you and that clown not understanding the basic concept of boundaries.

Of course, your day wasn’t even far from being done. Your lunch break was cut short when you received a lovely call from Romeo, and between all the acronyms he yelled, you only understood that BTH, aka Sinostra’s famous troublemaker captain, was up to no good. 

You had just a minute to say goodbye to the delicious food Sho gave you, unceremoniously left on the table half-finished.

And there you were, sprinting towards Sinostra to avoid explaining to the Chancellor how in the hell the Darkiwick Academy population decreased in a few minutes. And why it was always Sinostra’s fault.

Not even the time to breathe, that you found yourself on Jiro’s shoulder as he and Yuri, who didn’t forget to remind you that he was a busy man, and he didn’t have time to play hide and seek with you, went straight to Mortkraken for your daily medical visit. Your fault? Forgetting about said medical visit.

At least you were able to relax a bit, until your phone rang up for the nth time, and it was Frostheim captain’s turn to call for your help, or in other words, giving you some tedious task he considered boring. 

Great, you were not done yet.

Maybe it was time to create a trade union with the cats and demand less work hours…

You were done for the day, at least until your phone rang up once more. 

Sitting on a bench with your eyes closed, your body relaxed under the gentle breeze of the night, a sigh of relief left your lips, you survived another hellish day, at least it wasn’t as bad as others. Luckily this time, you didn’t have to run and miss Romeo’s bullets as he tried to hunt you and Kaito down, all because the blonde still hasn’t paid his debt.

Tired and hungry, you groaned, your eyes opening to find the moon, half-moon to be more precise, shining all alone, as no stars were around.

You and that moon were so similar; the moon shining all alone in the dark night, and you alone in an academy full of ghouls and trying to find a cure to your curse.

Suddenly you felt the presence of someone, and before you could realize what was happening, a bag was dropped on your lap.

“There you are, [Name].” A familiar voice said, a so gentle one compared to the ones you were used to, and you realized who the voice belonged to. It was Haku.

“Why so surprised? You weren’t expecting me, how cruel~” He joked as he sat down next to me.

“Haku-san! Why are you here? Is everything alright at Hotarubi? Ther-” Haku stopped before you could say more.

A light frown adorned his face, as his finger was gently silencing your rambling, before with his other hand gently flicked your forehead. 

“You worry too much about the others. You should learn to focus first on yourself and then take care of us. We may look helpless to you, but we aren’t.” He scolded you, his expression still serious.

You whined a little, your fingers massaging your forehead. It was the second time that Haku flicked your forehead, it seemed his favourite scolding method.

 “I am… I am sorry.” You murmured “I will focus more on my well-being…”

He nodded before he pointed to the bag on your lap. “I brought you some food, with all that running you did today, I am sure you’re more than hungry. I bought everything from that first-year’s truck. The one from Vagastrom.”

Your eyes shined brightly after opening the bag, Sho’s food was a fricking God’s gift after a long and tiring day. 

“W-What!? Thank you so much, Haku-san!” You grinned as you happily ate your dinner. Haku, on the other hand, just chuckled at your grin.

You were so hungry that in a flash, the once full of food bag was now empty. As per usual, the food Sho cooked was delicious. 

“Thank you again for the food, Haku-san. “ You thanked him sincerely, a shy smile on your lips, you always felt in debt with him, he was always there whenever you need him. Even the small gesture of buying your dinner, that for many would be seen as something small, for you was a silent message, a gesture meaning he was always there to give you a hand when you were feeling down or in need of help. 

Pushing a strand of your hair aside, you turned towards him, smiling shyly. His presence was charming enough that even a simple smile from him, was enough to fluster you.

“Haku-san… Sometimes I think you like spoiling me, you’re always with me when I am in troubles. You always lend me your shoulders, and you always hear me out. I don’t know how to thank you enough. I am so glad to have you by my side.” You confessed, your eyes now on your lap, trying to hide your flushed expression. 

A pregnant silence fell, you slowly realized that your words might sound like a confession of a sort. Panic flew in your body as you furiously tried to explain yourself, and embarrassment blossomed on your face.

“H-Haku-san, i-it’s not like that! I-I didn’t mean to… I mean… I didn’t wan-” He just chuckled, shaking his head, his fingers running through his hair as he looked at your flustered reaction.

“You’re something else, [Name].” He snickered “Spoiling you…” He muttered, before a sly smile unfolded on his lips.

“You know… “ He began “I don’t mind spoiling you, and if you really feel guilty you can always marry me. Then you won’t worry about being spoiled.”

Oh my god…

Oh my god…

You were sure now you were blushing like crazy, how could he say something like that with that nonchalance?!

“H-H-Haku-san!” You whined out, jumping on your feet, your heart pounding furiously, almost leaping out your rib cage.

The Hotarubi vice-captain maybe took pity of your flustered state, as he got up too, his hand ruffling your hair.

“Take your time, my offer is always up~” He teased, winking.

You prayed that God took mercy of you and made you disappear immediately.

“C’mon princess, don’t stay there, I will escort back you to the chapel. And on our way back, you can always think about my offer~”

He was going to be your death, in one way or in the other.

[shmreduplication]

decided to make a separate post rather than make a v long tangent on this post (which is good and you should read it, tldr is an AI model was supposed to identify wolves vs dogs but every picture of a wolf was in a snowy landscape so the AI's logic was snow=>that animal is a wolf not a dog)

I feel I'm saying this constantly that the phrase "garbage in, garbage out" needs to become MUCH more common because imo it needs to be used in literally every conversation about AI

here's the wikipedia article about it, note that even CHARLES BABBAGE (v important guy in computer history, if you know Alan Turing's name because of computer history then you should learn Charles Babbage's name next) was aware of the phenomena. I think it's interesting that the history of the phrase is from computer history because it's really more of a statistics problem than a computer problem. AI is a statistics+computer problem so I guess it doesn't really matter

anyway the point is if you have bad data then you can only produce bad data analysis. Garbage [data] in, garbage [data analysis and decision-making that's based on it] out. Pictures of wolves in snow in, snow used as the determining factor between wolves and dogs out. Pictures of sheep in fields in, every field labeled as having sheep out. Pictures of pornography in, flagging desert and sandy landscapes as porn out. Racist policing in, racist policing out.

people who make AI models that pull indiscriminately from the entire internet think they're avoiding GIGO because surely the internet has the entirety of human knowledge contained in it? Obviously not, for two reasons: 1. human knowledge contains the information that wolves exist regardless of proximity to snow but that fact is so obvious and benign that it is possible it was never interesting enough for anyone to put onto the internet before this very post, and 2. it only takes one snowless picture of a wolf on the internet to fulfill the idear of "all human knowledge is on the internet" and those (apparently v few) pictures can be completely overwhelmed by the (apparently abundant) pictures of wolves in snow to the point that an AI trained from the internet will still prioritize snow in determining if a picture has a wolf or dog. This is a lot of words to say that the internet is garbage so anything trained from it will only produce garbage

anyway uh. those articles are from 2018 and 2020 so extremely outdated as far as tech news goes so thanks OP for letting me know that this specific kind of landscape-determines-animal kind of AI silliness is still happening because the sheep-fields thing is one of my favorite tech stories and i've told a lot of people about it

oh wait one more thing: Psychology has a related concept, WEIRD Bias, which is about how the majority of psych research is done on people who are Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, and Democratic so we can't assume conclusions made from that research is applicable to people who fall outside of that acronym. Not exactly a GIGO situation because the conclusions can still be accurate but it definitely still becomes "garbage out" if the diversity of the sample population is not considered and the conclusions are applied universally

[itpemod]

SIGN UP POST

It's late September and that means #ITPE sign-ups are OPEN 🎉🎉🎉 Links will be at the end, so please read through the post as we have a lot of new information/procedures this year!

This is the FOURTEENTH year of the exchange, but the FIRST year we will be hosting it on Tumblr, which was far and away the winner in our platform move survey. Happily, this means we get to keep our acronym and branding!

What is #ITPE?

#ITPE is a low-pressure, no-minimums podfic exchange that originated on Twitter. We are now on Tumblr because of Twitter’s…everything, since it was bought by the Muskrat. Everything–sign-ups, communication, assignment/gift distribution–used to be run entirely on Twitter, but as the exchange has grown, we’ve incorporated other platforms to help make our lives as mods easier. Consequently, sign-ups will be on AO3 and submissions of your finished gifts (when it comes time for them) will be via Google form. Otherwise all communication, including announcements, questions, assignment and gift delivery, will be conducted over Tumblr and instant messaging. 

Who are the mods?

Our mod line-up is @blackestglass (blackglass) & @knight-tracer, with flowersforgraves assisting on the backend with data management. 

What is the schedule?

The dates for #ITPE 2024 are:

Sign-ups: SEPTEMBER 21 - SEPTEMBER 29

Assignments go out: No later than OCTOBER 8

Projects due: DECEMBER 17

Distribution: DECEMBER 24

So long as it's still September 29 somewhere in the world, you can still sign-up.

How do I sign up?

We are continuing to run sign-ups through AO3 (without a nominations process, so just write in your fandoms). We are asking for a minimum of 3 unique fandoms and if you want to sign-up to give or receive more than 20 fandoms, pick your TOP 20 for the AO3 and put the rest in your Dear Podficcer Letter. If you have less than 20 fandoms, we encourage you to list all of your primary and secondary fandoms in the sign up form so we have options for matching!

Note: We consider certain RPF fandoms as “umbrella” fandoms. We know we have K-Pop podficcers and sports RPF podficcers who often sign up for our exchange. Individual K-Pop bands and individual sports/sports teams do not count as “unique” fandoms (so for instance, only listing SHINee, BTS, and A-Teez would not count as having 3 unique fandoms for sign-up purposes; for our purposes, they would all fall under the K-Pop umbrella). In addition to listing your favorite bands/sports/teams in the fandom field, we do ask you to help us out for matching by thinking of at least 2 other fandoms which you might be happy to give and receive in. The RPF podficcing pool is small and we try not to repeat matches within a 5-year period, so giving us more fandom options will help us find you a match. 

What is a Dear Podficcer letter?

Your Dear Podficcer letter should include stuff like squicks, triggers, ship and trope preferences, and anything else you think we & your gift giver should know regarding your fandom tastes. Letters are mandatory. They don't have to be long! But if you have extremely specific tastes, it’s better that you let us know upfront in your letter so that we can ensure that you receive a gift you’re happy with. Please don’t worry about seeming “difficult”! We want you to love the gift you receive! Also, do feel free to request your small, obscure fandoms! Just help us out by also including some more popular or “mainstream” fandoms among your options. 

If you’re still uncertain what a letter should look like, here are some examples from 2020: blackglass’s 2020 letter & knight_tracer’s 2020 letter. You can also check out linked letters in the “Requests Summary” on AO3 to see what other people’s letters look like!  

Letters should be hosted on a publicly viewable platform, such as on Dreamwidth, tumblr, carrd, GDrive, Dropbox, etc. 

Please put your Tumblr and AO3 handles (if they don’t already match) in your Dear Podficcer letter. For our sake, ideally somewhere in the title field. Toss a coin to your mod team. 

Also please be kind to your mods & avoid using smushnames or cute fandom ship names in your letter. We're not always in your fandom & sometimes people will use different names to refer to the same pairing & we mistakenly believe you're requesting different pairings (see: the Zimbits/JackBitty/etc. debacle of 2020). Using Char A/Char B(/Char C) would help us out a lot! You don't have to use AO3 levels of disambiguation – just provide us with enough information to figure out who the characters involved in the ship are. 

If you have specific tastes in what you want to RECEIVE in a fandom, but you’re willing to CREATE outside of those preferences (for instance, wanting to receive podfic about a specific pairing, but willing to podfic for other pairings in a fandom), please indicate that in your letter! If you want to offer or receive fandoms that aren’t currently on the AO3, or you’re one of those gutsy people that is willing to offer and create in “any fandom”, message this account and we’ll make sure it’s all recorded. 

In addition, if you’re an adventurous listener who is open to RECEIVING podfic for “any fandom” please ALSO message us so that we’re aware! We still need a minimum of 3 fandoms for your sign up so that it can go through.

If you have any DNWs (“do not wants”)  that you don’t want to post publicly in a letter, concerns about matching, or anything else you’d like to privately let the mods know, there’s a section in the sign up this year that you can fill out. Or you can send us a message!

How should we be communicating with you over Tumblr? We will primarily be using the instant messaging function. Therefore you will need a Tumblr account to sign up, because that’s where all communication and assignment/gift delivery will take place. It’s totally fine to use a placeholder account you only use for this exchange. (We do recommend adding a userpic, filling out your bio, and maybe reblogging a few posts so that you don’t seem like a bot.) All participants should be following the mod account, especially if you have restricted settings so that only people you follow can message you. The instant messaging system, unlike the ask system, allows us to maintain a record of our communications, and is the best way to share information you want to keep private between us or have extended conversations. You may use asks if you have a one-off question or questions you don’t mind getting public answers to. 

(Notifications for new Tumblr messages can be finicky so try to check out the messaging tab semi-regularly throughout the duration of the exchange instead of relying on the blue dot to let you know there’s a new message.) 

In an attempt to avoid tripping spam filters and hitting the Tumblr limit on sending messages to new people, we are asking you to help us out by sending us an instant message to let us know you’ve signed up, rather than us trying to reach out to dozens upon dozens of people (prime spambot behavior)! 

What happens if you get marked as spam?

If we get shadowbanned/tossed in potential spambot purgatory, the mods will reach out to you from our personal accounts/mod sideblogs or via email. During the sign up period, we will reach out to you via messaging to ask you for a reliable email address to reach you at in case all of our attempts to not get flagged as spam fail.

If we are marked as spam, we’ll still be able to post on our own blog and we should still appear on your dash, but we won’t be appearing in the tags most likely, which is another reason why it’s important for you to be following us!

How does matching work? How will I get my assignment?

The mods do hand-matching, meaning rather than just letting the AO3 algorithm run and make arbitrary matches based on fandom, we read all your letters and try to match you with someone with similar tastes and interests. We’ll only be relying on the AO3 algorithm to help us spot tricky matches. 

Another of the ways Tumblr combats spam is to shadowban anyone sending multiple similarly worded messages. We’re going to make an attempt to deliver extremely pared down assignment messages so that we’re mostly sending unique information. If we do get marked as spam, as mentioned earlier, we may reach out to you on sideblogs or via email. 

What kind and how many gifts should I make? Do you really mean “no minimums”? 

Yes, ITPE gifts have NO LENGTH MINIMUMS. Make something as big or as small as you want to commit to! We truly do mean it. This is meant to be a low pressure exchange! Accordingly, please set your expectations that you may receive a short gift. In the past, we have had participants who’ve been extremely generous and made a prolific amount of gifts for their giftee, but they are outliers and there is certainly no expectation that anyone else should strive to those heights. 

I have more questions about making gifts!

We’re sure you do, but we’re not there yet! We will update this FAQ with more information about submitting gifts and treats once assignments go out, so check back!

I’m ready to sign up! What are the next steps? 1. Fill out the sign up form on AO3 here.

2. Follow us @itpemod if you haven’t yet!

3. Send us a message over the chat letting us know you’ve signed up!

4. Optional (but encouraged if you want to talk to people!): join the Tumblr Podfic Community to participate in the friending/following meme!

5. Optional: Track/follow the #itpe or #informal tumblr podfic exchange tags! 

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

😴😴😴 (to find later) AITA for putting sleeping pills in my boyfriend's drinks without him knowing?

I know this sounds absolutely awful, but please bear with me.

Basically, me (27 m) and my boyfriend (26 m) have been living together for around five years, meaning we usually also sleep together. Or at least we try, since my BF suffers from terrible insomnia and reoccurring nightmares so bad sometimes he wakes up into a full on anxiety attack. He does go to therapy and has prescribed sleeping pills, but he hates taking them because he's always afraid that when he does fall asleep he's just going to have nightmares, (which also just makes him avoid sleeping in general even not including his insomnia).

Usually I try to help him by staying up with him, watching his favorite show while cozied up on the couch under a bunch of blankets and with a hot coco, or we do something else that he likes and helps him relax. I really don't mind, I love him and I love spending time with him. However, it used to be that he would fall asleep at around 3-4 AM, but as time went on he started staying up longer and longer, until at a certain point I literally had to start leaving for work in the morning while he still hadn't gotten any sleep.

This was an issue for two reasons: 1. Obviously, without me there he felt even less comfortable and had an even harder time falling asleep, sometimes staying up for even 48 hours (or maybe more, I'm not sure) just to wait for me to come back home so I could help him unwind again. 2. He actually started lying to me about sleeping while I wasn't home, so that I would go to sleep normally and let him stay awake because "he wasn't tired" even though I could clearly tell he was.

That's when I started getting seriously concerned and questioning him about how much he actually sleeps, especially since I could see it was affecting him more and more both mentally and physically. He was avoidant about the topic but I pleaded with him to talk to his therapist about it, to try and find anything else to help him. Apparently his therapist just told him to keep using his sleeping pills to help with the insomnia, and if they're not working she'll look into prescribing him stronger ones. Yet despite that he still insists on not taking them and just going to bed normally even though it's clearly not working.

To clarify: as far as I'm aware, he has no negative side-effects from these sleeping pills, he's never complained about feeling any pain or feeling worse after taking them or anything like that. Literally he only doesn't want to take them because he's just that afraid of going to sleep.

That's why whenever we stay up nowadays, I always add a small dose to his cup of coco, which thankfully has a strong enough taste to cover the pills (I've tried a small bit myself and couldn't tell a difference). Since I started doing that, he's been regularly falling asleep before 2AM and even though the nightmares still sometimes wake him up or make him feel a bit tired in the morning, overall he's been doing much better.

Still, I do feel bad about putting stuff in his drinks without his knowledge even if it's for his own good. I really wonder if I should stop, but I'm really scared that if I do, he'll start spiralling again. I want to help him and be there for him but I've already tried talking about it and it never worked. So, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[intertexts]

oh you wanna think about muse and trickster? yeah? it's been a while since I put a heartbreaking nhw post in your inbox <3 I know u love the prime dehumanization loss of bodily autonomy defenders. << im not even remotely trying to keep the acronym the same anymore. I've lost the plot. ANYWAY

briefly mentioned this before but because I loooove the aesthetic so much I think at least one important muse confrontation should happen in the tricksters city, specifically in the amusement park. make it like a fuckign scooby door episode everything is all abandoned and run down but as the wards are walking down a boardwalk or something all the lights flicker on and some distorted fuckign. carnival music starts playing and they find muse sitting in like. the rebar scaffolding or whatever in the ferris wheel. just like grinning chin in hands kicking his feet watching them. this image is so clear in my mind. some creep shit !!!! also its like when they first go to the spirit world to get tide back from.mal and end up in the amusement park. except ashe isn't with them this time

uhhhhhh also thinking about. downtime. when muse isn't out being destructive and causing chaos for funsies. like... does he have a bedroom????? does he eat does he sleep??? idfk !!!! I would assume he has to or else he'd fucking die but !!!! man the trickster is so far gone I don't think he even realizes his puppets are real people anymore. that's a fun little doll for him to play dressup with. literally never going 2 get the image of him braiding muses hair and like. putting makeup on him and dressing him in fancy little outfits out of my mind. making myself ILL. smile! good evening I'm gently placing the knife box in your in. << as I was going to type inbox I accidentally typed out inventory. yknow what I'm keeping it. knife box directly into your inventory. watch out they're RUSTY

GOD. THANKS FOR THE KNIFE BOX MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! knife box directly in my inventory!!! u know what this means is that now i can use them :3 <- has been drawing wards stuff abt this for the past two hours ^_^

this is so fucking good though yeahhh.... i love creepy carnival shit so much. he trickster probably Knows it's very over the top and horror movie creepy and just a little absurd. he's so fucking fun 2 think abt since he's literally always doing shit simply because it is funny to him. we can swing a trickster justification for anything probably. i bet he fucking saw traps people!! anyway. ashe isn't with them this time. except..... well. he kind of is. :(

I HAVE ALSO BEEN THINKING ABT DOWNTIME. FREQUENTLY. i guess. the answer to this is he lives however the trickster&co does. the image of him coming back in his fancy intricate little outfits to some disgusting nasty bloody industrial warehouse where they're posted up & always being this very jarring contrast to the gore and violence is really good. the image of him having a perfect doll bedroom and going through a fancy little routine half the nights when the trickster is in a good mood or feeling it & just. getting thrown on the bed & the door locked to pass out for a couple hours whenever he forgets or is busy is also really good. literally anything we do to muse makes me feel some kind of way man. i also have had the extremely vivid image of the trickster braiding his hair & chatting about all kinds of horrific things excited sleepover style to muse who is just. Visibly Not There in my head for so long. not even like he has to touch him, he could be making him do all these things for himself! he's literally controlling him! he just does it for fun!!!

anyway i think post-muse ashe should get to freak out very badly in a multitude of ways whenever anybody touches his hair. like i think he's touch-adverse in general (& miserable about it because he's also so touchstarved & his brain simply whites out in distress anytime anyone touches him because. literally the only person doing that was the trickster!!!!) but i think specifically his hair being messed with is a bad trigger for him. makes him freeze up n go nonverbal for hours. dakota knows that he's jumpy about touch but he still wants to do something for him & before the everything he loved them playing with his hair (its so long!! wibby & dakota think its so pretty!! virion's the only one who knows how to braid it because of his mom!! ashe melts into a puddle over it every time because nobody's ever done that for him before!) so he goes to just run fingers through it & ashe just. fullbody locks up and goes weird and still and silent & doesn't protest or fight back when dakota shakes his shoulder or smth and his eyes are distant and sort of dark and empty like virion's were most of the time when they first met him... maybe he wants to cut it a little bit just because he hates that it's been covered in The Ooze and he can't do anything with it without thinking about how the trickster would do the same thing but also he hates the idea of getting rid of the one thing abt himself that he really likes & is a little connection with both of his parents because of the trickster also, when he's already taken so much from him. (it does have to get gross and tangled and matted because he refuses to put it back or do anything to it for a while though. maybe virion helps him sort it out & it's slow and painstaking and miserable for both of them and they both feel better at the end of it.)

[warsamongthestars]

A headcanon of headcanons for your CF99 day.

( CF99 is Clone Force 99. Because if I said Bad Batch, it could be confused for the TBBshow--and meesa gots some personal beef with dat. So… CF99. Plus, the acronym just sounds cooler. )

WHEN WRECKER WAS INJURED, THE OTHERS GOT THEIR TATTOOS

Judging by Wrecker's head, more than likely, a bomb or similar blast had gone off in his face. It pulverized his eye, probably the hearing on that side too. I generally think part of his enhancement is that he has unbreakable bones, hence why his skull is fine.

He has a cybernetic eye, similar to the one that Commander Wolffe has, so this occurred the first year of the Clone Wars.

Because of the severe scaring, the eye and the event that might've cost Wrecker his life--it brought the team closer together, and Hunter, and by extension Crosshair, showed solidarity.

Brothers first, Mission Second, Orders third, and be damned to the Regs.

Hunter showed this solidarity and new closeness, by getting his infamous tattoo, same side of the head and face as Wrecker's scarring. Just as Wrecker's scar is the entire half, so was Hunter's tattoo.

( Plus, it was a personal step. Hunter has always been torn when it comes to Regs and even Civilians and Officials. He looks Normal, and thus they consider him the Normal one up until he Isn't--then its far worse treatment than just being rejected from the start. Hunter had learned a hard lesson about the pettiness of people, any people: They want your appearance to inform your personality, and they don't like being wrong, even though they are simply reacting to their own misinformed, petty and shallow judgement.)

( So, Hunter will be damned certain to give a "good" first impression, from now on. May the tattoos make the man. If someone is only going to judge things skin-deep, then they weren't worth associating with and its best to get it out of the way on the first impression )

( And who knows, Hunter would think, It would be worth proving someone wrong. )

Crosshair followed close behind. But Crosshair has always been afflicted with SEVERE PRACTICALITY. A tattoo for solidarity is all well and good until you've colored half your face like a harvest day decoration.

He knows Hunter's reasons. They're good reasons for Hunter. They're just not Crosshair's reasons.

So Crosshair gets a reticle around his dominant eye. Of course the lines cross his eyelid--he was practical, not a coward; if every clone can do it, so would he--But if he needed to, he could always cover it with makeup. Tattoos tend to personal identifiers, and he didn't want to give the Seppies or any other adversary time to have a list of personal descriptors.

( "If they don't catch you at all, it doesn't matter what's on your face", said Hunter, "And if they did catch you, then it wouldn't matter in the end anyway."

"Spoken like someone stuffed with straw and painted to scare birds away," said Crosshair.

Hunter threw wadded old socks at him. )

Tech doesn't care for facial tattoos, and he still maintains the soft roundness that would otherwise be called Baby Fat in clones so no amount of tattoo would work…

Instead, he opted to tattoo every area on his body that has suffered a bone break, with "symbolic imagery".

A few ribs here, where the "symbolic image" of them appear to be broken by an invisible lightning bolt. A leg here, with a "disruption" that appears similarly to the spikes on a soundwave monitor (the leg had been broken in three places near the knee during training). One arm here, depicted as a kind of semi-puzzle game. (The arm had been broken from an incident with an automatic door. )

And of course, it wouldn't be Tech if he didn't add small descriptions of what each one meant, what caused it, and when along side each tattoo…. In the star wars equivalency of esperanto.

( "It simply would not do if our adversaries got a hold of me and knew were all my structural weaknesses were at," said Tech, "So I wrote my descriptions in a constructed language that was created several hundred years ago by--"

"You… refer to your broken bones as structural weaknesses," drawled Crosshair, "…Of course you do."

"If you're worried about the enemy, You don't have to write your descriptions, you can just… tell people what happened, in your own words," said Hunter, "Make a conversation out of it."

"Nonsense, it is medically efficient if my body was ever recovered by a friendly command," said Tech, "and I would not have to tell anyone, I wrote it all down as needed."

"… Let's not talk about one of us dying," said Hunter.

"Too soon," said Crosshair. )

[delopsia]

Thinking about Rhett encountering your Roomba...

Growing up on that ancient ranch, where the only thing that changes are the faces that inhabit it, it comes as no surprise that he doesn't understand a damn thing about it. A man that can ride a bull and make it look easy but can't send figure out Instagram to save his life.

Rhett's a quick learner, the kind who only needs to be shown once or twice, and then he's got the hang of it. He's still figuring out the acronyms, he's made social media accounts just to make an effort to be a part of your online presence. Never the kind to leave a comment, but always makes sure to press that little heart button beneath your posts.

So when you decide to bring home a Roomba, Rhett's inevitable reaction to it isn't even a thought in your head.

Until the little guy is running around, mapping out the layout of your home, and Rhett comes home from work.

"You're home early," you chirp from where you've settled yourself on the far end of the couch, nose deep in your phone. No amount of effort can conceal those heavy footsteps across your hardwood floor; Lord knows Rhett can't sneak up on anyone.

Silence.

No words are offered, not even a kiss on the forehead as he passes by. The only indication you have that he's there is the shadow he's casting over you.

"Rhett?"

He's just...standing there. Looking down at his feet, deep blue eyes carefully tracking the movements of something passing by. "The hell's this?"

Your first thought is that you've dropped something. A handout from the mail or one of those flyers the local Boy Scouts keep tacking onto your door handle, but the last thing you expect to turn and see is the new household appliance. "The Roomba?"

"A room-huh?" He can't seem to take his eyes off of it, tracking it even as it turns and slowly meanders back under the couch. "What is it doin'?"

In the end, you have to hand him the manual in order for him to understand what it's doing. Once he wraps his head around it, you figure that's going to be the end of it.

That Saturday, you walk into the kitchen to find Rhett with the Roomba and a cup of rice because he refuses to believe that it actually works.

"So what are you going to do to the poor thing now?" Yawning as you get your favorite mug down from the cabinet. The little vacuum has indeed picked up his strategically placed rice, and now they're just sitting together on the floor.

"Name it."

"You're naming the vacuum?"

"Yes."

And that's how the Roomba gets its name. Dave.

It's such a brief interaction that it slips your mind mere minutes after the conversation. The Roomba is just a Roomba with no names involved. Until a few days later, and Rhett comes home right as the vacuum is running its routine of sweeping up your kitchen.

"Hello, beautiful," he muses in between welcome-home kisses, his smile growing a little bigger with each one. Four, five, six, kisses, and he's going in to steal a seventh when little vacuum scoot past his feet. You think his eyes sparkle at the sight of the device as he quietly chirps, "hello to you too, Dave."

You don't know if Rhett's actively seeking Dave out or if it's a true coincidence, but they wind up encountering each other every time he comes home. One minute Rhett's just come in the door, all of his attention on you, and the next, he's looking at the damn vacuum like it's his firstborn.

And maybe that's why he's so heartbroken when he walks by the couch right as Dave emerges from beneath. One big cowboy boot is all it takes for Rhett to accidentally crushes the poor thing. Dave manages to drag himself six inches away from the crime scene, emits a few distressed beeps as if to say his final words, and dies.

"Rhett, it's fine!" Your protests only fall upon deaf ears as you trail him to the garage, "it's still under warranty; I can get it replaced."

"I've killed Dave." Even though he's having a hard time trying to stay serious, Rhett's already committed to the bit. He's killed Dave, and he's two seconds from turning himself in for murder.

The warranty is on standby while your technologically inept cowboy attempts to bring Dave back from the dead. One of your friends comes over to visit, and when you inevitably explain that Rhett's busy attempting to fix Dave after crushing him the other day, she's only got more questions.

"Who's Dave?"

And it's at this point that you realize you've been referring to the vacuum by name. "The Roomba we got on clearance."

A few days later, you're just about to contact the manufacturer about a replacement. Rhett's been tinkering and tinkering, and aside from a brief instance when Dave turned on for less than a few seconds, he's had no luck. You've had to go back to the old-fashioned way of vacuuming, and if you have to lug that big piece of junk out of the closet one more time, you're going to fight Rhett for custody of Dave.

You've just opened the manufacturer's website when the door busts open. And, in Rhett's hands, a cracked Roomba contentedly beeps with life. He's a little dented, and there's a crack running along the top, but that's nothing a cheekily placed bandaid can't fix.

So Dave lives to see another day.

Although, sometimes, you wish you'd never brought Dave home in the first place. He hijacks your lanyard and carries it halfway across the house. Sometimes he deliberately comes over and tries to vacuum your feet. And, somehow, he manages to barge into the bedroom right when you and Rhett are getting a little too wrapped up in each other.

Albeit reluctantly, Rhett draws away from your lips, looking off toward the now-open door. Shakes his head, turns back to close the gap between you once more, then cracks. "Hold on."

You think he's going to say he's forgotten to put the condoms in the bedside table again, or he hears something outside. But, much to your surprise, he picks Dave up off the floor like a cat, places him in the hall, and shuts the door.

Dave proceeds to hang around by the door. The. Entire. Time.

For the most part, Dave's alright, though. He does his job, and he'd might as well just be another pet at this point. He's got an array of cute covers to hide his battle scars from the Great Crushing Incident of 2023, and everyone knows him by name at this point.

Then one day, you're washing dishes in the sink, and something catches your eye. Something big and brown crawls past your peripheral vision. You're expecting to turn and see that the neighbor's cat has broken in through the window again, but...that's not what you see at all.

Rhett's cowboy hat is strolling past you.

And from the couch, Rhett's just grinning like a damn fool, "Dave's a real cowboy now."

You wonder how he's going to react when he comes home tomorrow and sees that the robot mop has arrived in the mail.

This entire warmup was inspired by a TikTok.