#only took 36 hours to bring everyone down

[respectthepetty]

And to think that all the events in Dead Friend Forever's current timeline happened in less than 36 hours.

They got dropped off in the afternoon

Partied

Tried to reshoot the film that night

Went their separate ways to play around

Por was stabbed

Stayed awake trying to figure out what was happening

Top was attacked in the morning in the bathroom

They fought about the tape

Uncle Dang came around noon

Tee and Top ran off but came back

Top and Tan took the bike

Tan came back without Top

Tee, Tan, Phee, and Jin went to look for Top while Fluke and White stayed at the house

The boys were attacked and separated

Phee and Jin were stuck in the building

Fluke took the gun from White

Top made his way back to the house and finished Por

Tee and Tan finally made it back to the house

Fluke cancelled the uber before its 10-ish pm arrival time

Jin and Phee showed back up at the house

Everyone died

They held those secrets for three years, but were destroyed by them in less than two days.

[stromy-weather]

My baby my baby....

·˚✎ ﹏"I'm sorry... I'm such a shity older brother....just please don't leave me.....not like this..."

Port mafia times. Dazai has a younger sibling. Being the traumatized 15 year he is. He pushed away the only one person that was close to him. A stupid wish for you to die like the death he craved so much. But what if that one wish he didn't actually want came true. Those words that he said of wished he can take back. The wish he never wished to say, the one wish he wished that was replaced with all his other wishes. The only person that believed in him when he treated them so...so wong.

Tw. Mention of suicide, death, kinda descriptive mention of a body, violent behavior, manipulation, toxic family relationship, yandere-like behavior. Angst. Spoilers to dark ark. !!platonic relationship!! {Y/N} is 10. Dazai being dazai.

It was after a fight you two had. Hearing the front door close with a soft click. It was after his loud mouth to say something to scare you. God, he was so used to seeing the fear in other eyes. But seeing how you cry and ran out of the house. Made something inside in heart snap. No. He didn't consider himself human. He moved towards the bed sitting on it not caring if he got the sheets dirty. He was a fucking sinner anyways. What more to bring into the roof over the two heads. He didn't deserve to be called your sibling. You should just Die. Those thoughts filled his head overwhelming him again. His long black trench coat long discarded in the shared room. Since Mori decided to toss the two siblings into a small ass apartment. It had the needed things to live. It was better than the shipping container if anything. God he fucking hates him. He hates everyone to be honest. Other than Oda, Ango, and well maybe you. He tossed you away, yelled, and took his frustration out on poor you. He would never raise his hand but the words he said he could never take back. His younger sibling always comes back. He didn't blame you if you hated him. He wouldn't even be mad if you stab him in the night. Killed him. He was already restless in the night. Hearing your soft breathing as you sleep next to him. It was better right? You would be living a better life right? Maybe the two of you can commit suicide together and live the next life away from this hell. But he was smart and knew you wouldn't want that. He sighed as he moved to get up from the bed. Grumbling as he raised a hand to massage his head that hurt. Grabbing his coat and tossing it on his shoulder. He should let you cool down first before even trying to remotely talk to you. He knew it was easy to get you on his side. You listened to him better than the men he had the power of. As the sun set as the moon began to rise a bit peaking out from the tall buildings. It's been a couple hours. Where the hell could you go so long now. Never any stars just tall lanky buildings in this city. Yokomizo was a pretty big city after all. Pulling out his black flip-phone. He started to text your phone. Matching phones...he had a pure black one and you well a pure white one. He held no reaction when he shoved the present to you. Yeah he may be an ass be he not that much of an asshole....? Thought the way your eyes light up. When the box was opened. Made something tic in him was it his heart or mind...? It wouldn't hurt to spoil you some more.

Yea where are you. 7:01

Unread.

Get your ass home or your grounded for a week. 7:36

Unread

Are you even listing to me right now to pick up the fucking phone? Do you don't know how to type or something? 8:25

Unread

Pick up the fucking phone {y/n}. 8:41

Unread

I'm not playing around pick up or come home. Right now {y/n} 9:20

Unread

His eyes twitched a bit as the calls went unanswered as well as his text. The text reflected in one eye since the other was bandaged up. He scoffed and shoved his phone into his pocket. Moving to go out of the apartment harshly closing the door behind him. The apartment was clean since you cleaned it alot. Both your clothing and stuff. A silent thank you should of say every day coming home to something so peaceful and clean. You were only 10. He was 15 and didn't know how to do half of that stuff. Maybe he needs to take your tv time away so you can stop learning to back-talk him. He was always in a bitter mood or drunk when he came home. He shoved his hands in his pocket. It was no surprise Dazai knew where you went after a fight. The park he always took you. To see you smile with all the other younger children as he stayed in the shade. He wasn't a figure to see out in the public in the light. Always the dark or shadows. Thought this fight was more different than the other. Some share words then you both get ready for bed and sleep. No, this fight was like his last straw. Mori decided to fuck with him and send him on a mission. A dangerous one. He used your name in vain. Mori did know his weakness. It was you. You. Oh, how he does anything to punch his lights out. Once more he did and didn't get along well with you. Small memories of the easy life he had with the small form in his arms. So helpless and adorable in his arms. He missed those days. Just to let losses and be the kid he needed to be. To be that child with you. He was stressed and tired. Being also paired with the new ginger in the mafia. He was going to secretly spoil you with gifts when he got home. Seeing how you looked at a plushie from a window when he went out with you on the weekends. He failed to see a rival male from an alley away waiting for the two of you. Taking photos before leaving. It wasn't any surprise had many enemies. But he was always smarter than them. Why didn't he see it then?

It all started when. You asked to join him tomorrow to go to the Mafia headquarters. The place he ban you from going since it was so dangerous there. Too many prying eyes. He fell for it and now he doesn't even know he can leave. He wouldn't let the same thing happen to you. He doesn't even like to talk about the work he does with you. Sometimes coming home dirty or covered in the blood from the missions. Yes, he was easygoing at times but he let that façade drop at home. The stupid small apartment you both called some sort of home.

"The fuck do you know about my work!? Hm? your only 10 {y/n} so shut the hell-" He was quite tired and wasn't willing to hear anything at the moment just wanting to go to bed. The shared bed the two of you shared. He never dared to cuddle or even touch you. Both have separate blankets on the bed. Always back to back. On the bed.

"Osamu! please- I promise to be quiet-" you beg to join. He didn't blame you. No one wanted to be locked up in an apartment all day and only let out on the weekend. Nothing to do other than watch TV or the suicide books on the shelf.

"No is a no {y/n}. I'm not speaking again. So shut the fuck up." He stated as he crossed his arms. He was bigger than your form. Well, that was quite clear to know being the older one after all. He sent a glare your way as he didn't expect you to storm off. It wouldn't be the first fight or the last.

He arrived at the park he always took you to. He didn't need to hide this time behind the big trees. The night was out and well the demons come out to play. He scans the playground part he always used to find you at before he will "drag" your ass home. A moment he remembered you were upset you couldn't go to school and came here. Sitting in the swing. Like always he sat next to you on the swing in silence. Tonight wasn't like that night. He smelled like blood. Something he was used to. Seeing people. Shot, stabbing, and pulling each other apart were all normal to him. Till he saw a sigh that made his breath stop. He started to shake a bit as he slowly moved forward. It wasn't you right? That white Phone that was broken next to the body slumped on the ground covered in blood. It wasn't the same right?? RIGHT? He slowly made his way over not believing the sight he was seeing. It's not you right not you, not you. It was you. A slumped body on the concrete ground bruised and bloody bleeding from who knows where. His baby sibling. That did nothing wrong. To need this. He needed this. For all he did- It was till the point the color red was around part of your body. He fell to his knees with his rapid breath. His one eye wasn't deceiving him. The worse nightmare came true. The nightmare he never wants to be true. A wish he didn't want but said it because he was a peace of shit. He moved his shaking hand towards the body. Lifting it close to his chest. He didn't care if the blood got on him he was used to it. But the blood icky him because it was your blood. He didn't cry or scream. Just shook he felt how small your breaths were. How quiet and weak it was. How fucking dare you do this to him. How dare someone touch his sibling. He quickly moved the body in his arms to a bridal style holding the form in his arms before he began to run. Run to the place he told you not to go run to the man he keep you so far away from. Fucking sick pervert. He knew the nurses were out for the night. The night nurses didn't do shit. Per experience. He ran to the man he called a boss knowing he was the last hope for your survival.

"Don't you dare fucking die on me. Or your never hearing the end of this."

He wasn't sure if that was just to reassure himself or make an unspoken promise to you to keep you safe. To keep you. To keep you as his baby sibling. Pure from this world.

He just prays he wasn't too late to save his baby.

Hehehe cliffhanger.

Proofread - yup yup

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[livvyisb0red]

“Let me cheer you up ;)”

Wealthy!Best Friend!Hawks x Stressed!Reader

Summary: Keigo’s beloved best friend has been overly stressed with work at their agency; his only way he thought to calm them down is to have a night-in at his penthouse with some drinks and music.

- Best Friends to Lovers (?) -

**CW: overworked, kissing, alcohol, cuddling

*Reader is a prohero with their own agency

NOT PROOFREAD

Another sigh fell from his mouth as Keigo set his phone on the small table in front of him, careful not to knock over his glass of water.

“My one weekend off and everyone is busy!” He grumbled before falling back onto his sofa, the multicolored screen catching his attention as he sits upright, allowing him to fixate on the sitcom that illuminates from the screen.

A few episodes pass before his phone buzzes on the table.

*1 message from: Loser ^///^*

- dude i’ve had so much to do at my agency since my assistant got a new job - 9:30 pm

~ I bet :( Do you want me to send my assistant over to your agency? - 9:30 pm

- omg please i’d literally cry. - 9:31 pm

~ Of course! What all would he be doing? - 9:31 pm

He leaned forward to get a sip of his water before checking his phone again.

- honestly he could probably come in tomorrow. if there’s two of us looking through these reports we can get it done in about two hours. I’ll be paying him a little extra too since he isn’t part of my agency. - 9:32 pm

~ Alright! I wish you luck. You leaving now then? - 9:32 pm

- yeah probably. why? - 9:32 pm

~ I’m booooooooorrrreeeedd - 9:33 pm

Keigo had sent the message with hopes that his best friend would want to come over. He knew they’d want to!

- kei I’m so stressed idk. i just wanna chill tonight - 9:34 pm

Well this didn’t go as planned. He had another trick up his sleeve. Hoping it would work, he took a deep breath and pressed his thumb against the screen of his phone.

~ Let me cheer you up ;) - 9:35 pm

“Fuck why did I do that?!” Keigo immediately got anxious after sending that. What if they get mad? Will they hate him? Oh god. Intrusive thoughts starting swirling through his head, playing out the worst possible out come over and over again until…

- yeahh it’s friday why not lmao - 9:36 pm

Jumping off the couch, he cheered loudly before rushing back to his phone.

~ Dress up for me, and bring a bathing suit ;) - 9:36 pm

- okay feathers lol - 9:36 pm

Keigo rushed around his house speed cleaning everything to make sure it was nice for when (y/n) came over. He took the cover off of his hot tub, making sure it was the perfect temperature for the two of them. Throwing some snacks together on a plate for them, he thought it would be nice to pour some Rosé for them. Rushing to his room, he looks for something to where quickly finding some nice dress pants and a white button up for him to wear.

Taking off his t-shirt, he looks at himself in the mirror before taking a deep breath and throwing his dress shirt on, barely buttoning it up since they would be getting in the hot tub.

The knock on the door pulled him out of his trance, and brought him into a new one. He practically appeared at the door, opening it for his dazzling bestie.

“Hey feathers.”

Oh boy. They did NOT have to get that pretty for HIM. If it weren’t for his ego, Keigo would be on his knees IMMEDIATELY for them.

“Hi chickie” Keigo choked out with a wink. He took their hand leading them into his penthouse, while grabbing the glass of rosé to hand to (y/n).

“Oh my god, you didn’t have to do all this for me Kei! I’m serious!”

“Why wouldn’t I? After a stressful day I would wanna be pampered too.”

Walking over to his coffee table, he grabbed the remote putting on music that just begged to be danced to. Keigo strutted back to (y/n), hand out, inviting them to dance with him.

“Really, Kei?” (Y/n) shook their head, giggling before taking his hand and accepting the invitation.

The lights in the room changed to a hot pink before Keigo put his phone back on the table, looking back at his best friend, admiring their eyes. They danced for what felt like hours, the upbeat, glittery music mixed with the pink lights and alcohol had them ignoring anything that happened around them. Keigo grabbed (y/n)’s face, looking deeply into their eyes before asking a question which would change the night for the better.

“Wanna take a shot or two?”

Laughter erupted between the two of them before they made their way to his liquor cabinet, pulling out a bottle of Ciroc and two shot glasses. They each took a shot before chasing it down with more rosé. Slowly but surely they made their way back into the living room before Keigo looked at (y/n), gesturing to his balcony.

“Let’s take this outside, babe.” Keigo practically drooled from his mouth.

They both got changed in his room before making their way to his balcony, with Keigo leading the way and opening the sliding door. He climbed over the side before grabbing (y/n)’s hand, guiding them into the hot tub with him. Thoughts started swirling through Keigo’s mind. He wanted to put his arm over (y/n) more than anything, but the fear of ruining the relationship they had took over. So he just leaned back and looked over to the city around them. They both let out a sigh, soaking in the relaxing feeling of the warm water washing around them. Keigo jumped at the feeling of someone’s head on his shoulder, looking down at (y/n), who was looking back at him before shooting a wink. They both laughed, realizing the others feelings.

“You cool with this?” (Y/n) asked in an almost whisper-like tone.

“Uh YEAH!” He cheered, causing them both to burst into laughter for what seemed like the hundredth time that night.

They cuddled up to each other in the hot tub, his arm over their shoulder, their leg over top of his. Keigo looked at (y/n) with longing eyes before pulling them onto his lap. He looked up at them, running his hand up their body before resting it on the back of their head and pulling them into a kiss.

The kiss lasted hours in their head, when in reality it was only a few seconds. They looked at each other before Keigo let out a drunken giggle and kissing (y/n) once more, this one with more passion than the last. Alcohol running through their mouths, causing kiss to be sickeningly sweet to both of them. Keigo pulled away, leaving his hand on their waist.

“I think we are both too drunk for this, but just know that I’ve liked you for a long time. I don’t want anything happening between us while we’re drunk. I’d rather not have any regrets in the morning.”

(y/n) looked at him with the most mesmerizing smile Keigo had ever seen before kissing him once more and nodding in agreement.

“I was thinking the same thing, Kei”

They both got out of the hot tub, drying off before heading back inside.

“Do you want a sweatshirt and sweats to change into?” Keigo asked from his bedroom.

“Yes please! Thanks!”

Keigo came down the stairs with the promised clothes in his hands.

“You can get changed in my bathroom over there, you know where it is.”

Watching as his friend left the room before checking the time on his phone, 1:37 am.

“Wow” he laughed to himself before looking back up and seeing (y/n) in his hoodie and pants which were way too big for them, but he loved it.

He put his arm up, inviting them over to the couch with him so he could put his arm over them.

“You know it’s almost 2:00, right?”

“No?! That much time passed?”

“Yeah, we should get to bed, I got a TV in my room so we’ll have something to watch while we fall asleep.”

“But I just sat down!”

Keigo giggled before picking them up and carrying them up the stairs into his room and laying them on his bed. They both got under the covers before tangling themselves together. He didn’t even get to turn on the tv before they fell asleep together with a new future ahead of them.

[borathae]

↳ Index [Chapter 36 - Oma]

• Oma (German, grandma)

Warnings: I want to cradle Jungkook in my arms and kiss his forehead, he is the most adorable person ever, cuddles & snuggles, wandering around memories, grief in some way?, idk she visits her dead grandma in her memories, it’s sweet but in a bittersweet kinda way, the ending hits different

Wordcount: 14.3k

a/n: writing this chapter after so much pain felt like therapy. this is a breather after all the angst

You open your eyes. The walls are violet and the furniture a mahogany red. You know that room so well. You spent many nights in it back when Namjoon was still nowhere to be found and your little group was still complete. Maybe a little broken at that time, but at least everyone was still here. You sigh with pain in your voice. The night Yoongi was with you in this exact bed comes back to you. Haunting you. It was a peaceful night, the air smelled of aging summer and the cicadas were already quiet. The rest of the house was already asleep. It was just you and him. He plopped himself right across you, sinking into the fluffy duvet until he was almost swallowed by it. You then proceeded to giggle like crazy and attack him with dozens and dozens of kisses. Yoongi spent the night under those covers with you whilst the only soundtrack of the night, was your shaky breathing and the sound of desperate kisses. He told you about his past as a sorcerer once everything was done and you listened to him until the sound of his voice lulled you to the best sleep ever.

Knowing that such moments were nothing but memory these days hurts like fucking hell.

You sit up even if it is difficult. Your legs are bared under the covers. That explains why your jeans are thrown over the wingchair by the window. Your beanie and winter coat were on it as well and by its legs, your winter boots were standing.

Jungkook must have undressed you last night before tugging you into bed. The latter wasn’t in the room with you, but the sound of the shower next door lets you know that he was still here. Even if not visible, Jungkook was still here.

The morning after your night with Yoongi comes back to you. He also took a shower in this bathroom. He let you sleep in and you woke up to the sound of him brushing his teeth. He kept the door open, leaning against the doorframe and with his eyes gazing at your face. He wore a bathrobe back then. It was pink and floor length as it belonged to one of the witches. You remember giggling when seeing him and Yoongi telling you to stop teasing him with fondness in his eyes. He gave you a kiss once he finished his morning routine and till this day you regret not pulling him back into bed with you to kiss him for hours. You should have appreciated the time you had with him more. You should have kissed him and kissed him and kissed him some more.

The door opens. Jungkook steps outside, wearing fresh boxer briefs and having his hair tied back in a high bun. He looks at you the moment the door opens.

“Good morning”, he says.

“Mhm”, you let out, because you felt too weak to speak.

Jungkook sits down at the edge of the bed, draping his left arm over your waist and propping his hand on the mattress. He caresses your cheek with the back of his right hand gently and soothingly. You know that he can smell your sadness. No emotion gets unnoticed by his overly sensitive nose. Especially not one so stubborn and potent. He doesn’t call you out on it. You appreciate that he doesn’t. You don’t have the strength to accept comforting words or promises that it will get better again. His soft touch brings comfort enough.

“I will bring you some breakfast.”

“Mh-hm.”

Jungkook breaks away from you and gets dressed. He leaves the room afterwards, abandoning you in your thoughts. You appreciate that he didn’t ask whether you wanted breakfast or not and instead he decided it for you. You couldn’t have possibly made a decision. It is so exhausting to make decisions. So goddamn exhausting.

Yoongi brought you breakfast that morning as well. You insisted on going downstairs and eating it together with the others, but Yoongi wanted you to stay in bed and relax while he fed you fresh fruit from the witches’ gardens. He made it so easy to give in. He always did. And he made it so worthwhile. You never regretted giving in to him.

You want to return to the past. Why is it not possible? Why do you have to keep living, knowing that you can never relive your favourite moments? Why did everything go so very wrong?

The door opens. Jungkook is back. He returns to his spot, placing the bowl of food on his lap.

“Meredith made porridge for you. She put a little bit of magic in it to help you regain your energy”, he says and scoops up some of the sweet breakfast. He blows on it until it isn’t too hot anymore, “try it.”

You let him feed you. The porridge is rich in spices. Cinnamon, vanilla, honey and fresh milk. The magic gives it an even richer flavour. It tastes good.

“It’s yummy, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“That’s good. Eat it well”, he says, feeding you spoon by spoon without speaking a word. He knows as well as you do, that there is nothing to talk about.

The magic starts to work after half of the bowl was finished. Your body stops aching and your muscles finally begin wanting to move. The warmth and Jungkook’s gentle care helps your heart ache less. You sit up, using his thigh for support.

Jungkook places the spoon in the bowl, watching you with bated breath. You take said spoon and begin eating yourself while he holds the bowl.

You chew and swallow, looking into his eyes.

“How long did I sleep?” you ask him.

“Almost an entire day. You fell asleep in the car so I carried you to bed. You didn’t even wake up when I undressed you. You must have been really exhausted”, he says and gives you a knowing smile, “it’s good that you slept for so long. You’ll see how much easier you can work today.”

“Do they know why we are here?”

“Yes. I told them everything and they went straight to work. Don’t worry my baby, you didn’t lose any time”, Jungkook says, caressing your cheek, “they worked in your stead so you could rest.”

“Thank you”, you get out, “you have no idea how much this means to me.”

Jungkook gives you a little smile, “I’ll go downstairs now. Jelena told me that she might have a lead and she needs a vampire’s help for it. Take your time, we have everything under control.”

Jungkook wants to stand up and leave but you pull him back. He looks down at you and his hand clutched tightly in yours. You guide it to your lips, leaving a soft kiss on his knuckles.

“Thank you”, you whisper.

Jungkook smiles, brushing his thumb over your skin gently. He leans down and kisses your knuckles.

“Eat your porridge. You need the strength”, he says softly and slips his hand out of your grasp to leave for good.

You leave your room once breakfast was finished. The rooms are all empty. The kitchen doors leading into the garden are closed. Only the handles, pulled into an open position, let you know where you will find everyone. You abandon your empty porridge bowl in the sink and slip outside.

The air is cold and wet. The ocean is loud from the storm brewing on the horizon. The sky is dark. You pull your jacket tighter around you and hurry to the shed.

Its doors are leaned shut. They open easily.

Heads turn into your direction instantly. Meredith calls your name, hurrying to you in big steps. She engulfs your hands in hers, using the momentum to pull you into a hug.

“This is terrible, oh this is so terrible. Poor Yoongi”, she says with great sadness in her voice. She squeezes you softly, “and you. Oh, you must be so confused.”

You get lost in her hug, squeezing your eyes shut.

“I don’t know what to do”, you confess, “all I try, fails.”

“I know how you feel. Come”, she breaks away from you, taking your hand, “we can celebrate your powers later. We have work to do.”

“Can you help us, Meredith?”

“We will do everything in our power and knowledge to get Yoongi out of this situation”, she promises you, leading you to the working desk.

Jungkook welcomes you by his side, rubbing his hand up and down your lower back just once before he looks back at the work ahead.

His blood is distributed between ten metal bowls, while another ten bowls show his dried up blood.

“What happened here?” you ask.

“Trial and error of different spells. Dragana knows which spell Namjoon used to curse Yoongi.”

“You do?” you address Dragana.

She nods her head, “Jungkook told us how the cursed wood entered Yoongi’s system. The curse manifested itself by infecting the lungs and later spreading to the blood system. So we infected Jungkook’s blood with splinters of wood, which I laced with the same curse, and then we tried different methods of healing.”

“You can test spells like that?” you gasp.

“Of course you can. Why? How have you been testing your spells?”

So all those vampires you killed were useless, senseless killings. You feel sick to the stomach, but force it down because you have to concentrate.

“Differently”, you whisper and to your gratefulness they don’t ask further questions. Perhaps deep down, they already knew the answer and with it, knew that it was impossible to confess.

“As you can see, every spell we tried until now hasn’t worked. The curse still boiled Jungkook’s blood until it was gone”, Dragana continues, pointing at the bowls.

“I see. Which spells did you try?”

Dragana explains them to you and to every single one, you have to tell them that you already tried it before.

“This is a stubborn curse, isn’t it?” Jelena says.

“Of course it is. It is Namjoon’s doing”, Meredith says, “if he works together with them, it is no wonder that the curse is as stubborn as it is.”

“Who is he working with?” you ask.

“A coven of witches, who think their purpose is to serve evil. They gain their powers from death and pain and Namjoon has been working with them for centuries.”

“I see. This is terrible. Maybe that is how he always escaped us. Could the witches have put a cloaking spell on him?”

“Oh, most definitely.”

“So he was right”, you murmur.

“What do you say?”

“When I talked to Namjoon in the dungeon, he told me that he wanted us to capture him. That everything was going according to his plans. Holy fuck, he was right. He actually wanted us to find him”, you dig your nails into the wood in a furious grip, “I’m going to kill him. Even if it’s the last thing that I’ll do”, you press out through gritted teeth.

“Hey ___”, Jungkook whispers, rubbing your back, “calm down.”

“W-what?” you stutter, looking at him.

“Calm down. Look.”

He points at one of the bowls. His once untouched blood has boiled down completely.

“Did I do that?” you gasp, looking at Meredith for help.

Her brows are furrowed in slight worry.

“But I didn’t even do anything.”

“Yes, but your magic did”, she touches your forehead, “oh, you are so messy in there. Dear oh dear, you have no focus.”

“What do you mean?”

“It means that you haven’t learned how to focus your magic yet, have you?”

You shake your head, “Meredith, is it dangerous?”

“It can be if you allow it to continue for too long. You could lose control over your magic and that could have fatal consequences.”

“Fatal?” you gasp.

“What do you mean fatal? She can die?” Jungkook gasps, grabbing your hand tightly, “Meredith, you have to help her. She can’t die.”

“Everything is okay for now, don’t worry”, she calms him down, “you are with us now and we can keep an eye on you.”

Jungkook exhales in relief, loosening his grip just slightly.

“Thank you. I seriously wouldn’t know what I’d do without you guys. I know nothing, seriously”, you say.

“That’s not true. You managed to do quite a lot of spells without any prior knowledge. You have talent, you just need practice”, Meredith assures you.

“You think so?”

“I do.”

“Thank you.”

“But for now let’s make sure the magic doesn’t overwhelm you again. Jelena can you get the focus bracelet from the cellar?”

“I will. ___ have you any colour wishes?”

“Blue”, you say without hesitation.

“Blue”, she repeats, “I wonder why that is”, she says and hurries away in light steps.

And while she is busy getting the bracelet, the rest of you continue the research. You try many spells that day. Many, many spells. You use different tools and devices, speak different languages, whisper long forgotten words and yet the result is always the same. The curse boils Jungkook’s blood until there is nothing left. You even take more of Jungkook’s blood to test out more spells, but before you could find a solution, you run out of cursed wood. It was late into the night when that happens. The witches were all exhausted, so were you. And yet while everyone went to sleep for the night, you stayed up. The witches forbade you to go to the shed alone and while you really wanted to, you listened. They knew better than you.

So you stayed in the living room where months ago you found your friends unconscious. The candles surrounding you have almost burned down completely, barely casting any light. This is exactly how you feel. Barely shining.

You thought that today would be a good day. That the witches would figure out how you could heal Yoongi and yet they have come to as little solutions as you did. You aren’t angry at them, you are just frustrated at the entire situation.

“There you are.”

You turn your head just in time to be able to watch Jungkook sit down on the sofa next to you.

“The others all went to sleep already”, he tells you, studying your face when you give him no answer, “what are you doing here?”

“Thinking.”

“I think we made progress today.”

“No, we didn’t.”

“Yes, we did. The knife. The knife we found in one of the books. We will find the right spell for it.”

It was Dragana who found it. It was an old drawing of a knife which was once used to extract poison from people. Nature witches used them whenever they healed people in their villages. As of now, you haven’t found the right spell yet.

“Maybe.”

“I’m sure of it”, Jungkook says.

You say nothing to it. You wouldn’t know what to say. So you lift your arm and point at the rug. There is a big stain on it.

“You were passed out right there. Your drink was spilled all over the rug and your legs were all bended weirdly”, you say.

Jungkook looks at you with confusion in his eyes.

“I was so scared back then”, you confess, “thinking about it now makes me laugh. I was such a wimp.”

Jungkook scoffs, “don’t say that. You were never a wimp. Hell, you’ve always been a badass.”

“Tzt, yeah sure.”

“Hey”, Jungkook nudges your arm, “stop that. I’m serious.”

You sneak a glance at him. He has his brows furrowed in seriousness.

“You really think so?” you ask him to which he nods his head.

“You stayed when you found out about our secret, survived way too much shit and you saved all of us. Back then I mean. You saved all of us and you were just a human back then.”

“Mhm”, you turn back to study the stain on the rug, “I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I knew about my powers back then.”

“I get that, but you did all of that even without powers, so I don’t think that you would have needed them back then.”

“I guess.”

“I’m serious, ___”, Jungkook insists, placing his hand on your shoulder.

“I know, I appreciate it”, you tell him, reaching up to pat his hand.

It feels like such a long time ago. The stain looks fresh and yet for you it looks like a part of a time far too long ago. You regret that time. The fight with Yoongi seems even more awful these days. So many days wasted with fighting instead of hugging him close. You break your eyes away from the stain and look at Jungkook instead.

He looked at the stain as well, but changed his gaze to you when he feels his eyes on you. He gives you a shy smile when he does, one you try to retort but fail.

“Jungkook, I miss him so much”, you choke out in a trembling voice. 

Jungkook’s smile falls, immense sadness replaces it. 

“I miss him too”, he whispers, clearly fighting with his tears.

“I can’t bear it anymore. This, this hollowness”, you hit your own chest, “when he left, he took the part which was happy and bright and which loved life. I don’t see any beauty in life anymore. And no hope. I lost all of my hope.”

“I share your pain, but I don’t think you lost all hope”, he takes your hand and squeezes it gently, “if you had, you wouldn’t keep fighting. You wouldn’t move heaven and hell to find a cure and you wouldn’t keep trying new spells.”

“I don’t know for how long I can still do this”, you confess and whimper, “I don’t want to be without him anymore. I love him so much and now he is…now he is gone”, you barely get out the last part before everything gets too much and you sob. 

“Come here”, Jungkook acts instantly. He pulls you atop his lap and hugs you against him. Like this, he cradles you in his strong arms and rocks your bodies from side to side soothingly. He sobs softly, giving you a tight squeeze.

“I miss him too”, he confesses between your shared sobs, “I spend most of my nights crying because I miss him so much.”

“It hurts so much.”

“It hurts unbearably.”

You both sob into the other as your arms squeeze the other for comfort. It may sound most peculiar, but it feels good to cry with Jungkook. He understands you. He truly and really understands you. The others may miss Yoongi, but they never learned how it felt to be in love with him and to be loved in return. But Jungkook knows. He knows and because of it, feels your pain. And it feels healing to cry with him because for the first time in a long time, you don’t have to carry the pain alone. 

The first two weeks after you lost Yoongi, you and Jungkook shared every night together. Back then, you cried in each other’s arms until you passed out in exhaustion. You shared the pain and felt comfort through it. Even if just the littlest amount. You faded away once the third week nearly passed and left Jungkook to cry alone while you became gradually insane from failed research. 

Now that you are in his arms again and you cry over the emptiness Yoongi left behind, you are reminded once again why you didn’t entirely break in those first two weeks. It was because you shared the pain with Jungkook and found comfort in being really understood. 

You lift your head during a moment where your tears stopped. Jungkook can barely see through the thick remnants of tears and yet he does. He sees you. And he understands and feels understood in return. You and he reach for each other’s faces at the same time, your thumbs wipe your tears away. 

“Will we get him back?” you ask.

“We have to believe in it”, he says, “I want to believe in it.”

“I want to too, but it hurts me so much.”

“It hurts me too”, he tugs your face down until your noses touch. Your eyes close, “but we can lean on each other. Yeah? We can cry and hug and share the pain.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I want to do that. Kook, I’m so  sorry that I pushed you away.”

“I know you got lost in finding a cure”, he assures you, “it did hurt me a little. Yeah, I was hurting at first. I was in so much pain and then you pushed me away too.”

“I’m sorry. I know it’s coming so late, but I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, I understand that you had more important things to do”, he says and kisses your lips. Gently and full of love, “thank you for crying with me tonight. I feel so broken, but you make it a little easier.”

“I feel broken too. If I think about it for too long again, I’ll start crying without stopping.”

“Lean on me”, he offers and you take him up on it instantly. You rest your cheek on his shoulder, closing your eyes as you inhale his scent. 

Jungkook smells gentle. He smells tender and soft and clean. He doesn’t wear perfume which will make you think of an attractive man like Yoongi and Hoseok do. Nor does he wear scents which remind you of a gentleman like Taehyung and Seokjin do. Jungkook doesn’t wear perfume and yet he smells incredibly good. Gentle and soft. You like to describe him this way because it fits him so very well.

“I thought that we would finally be successful here”, you whisper brokenly, “I thought that they would know of things I haven’t read about yet, but we didn’t achieve anything.”

“I understand you so well”, Jungkook speaks in whispers while his hands run up and down your back, “but maybe the knife will be the right thing to use? You didn’t try this out yet.”

“Even if it does work, how should we activate it? We don’t know the right spell. We, we need a nature witch for it and we don’t know any.”

“Then we’ll look around until we find one. I’ll drive you to wherever we need to be. And, and then you can use my blood as often as you need to until you know the right spell.”

You hug him to you tighter because there are no words to describe how grateful you are for him, for his optimism and his ability to think of solutions. You have no energy or hope left tonight. You are so thankful that he can tell you hopeful things you would have never thought of. Jungkook understands what your gentle squeezes means and he squeezes you right back

“Kookie, I think my grandma was a nature witch”, you whisper.

“Really? What makes you think that?” he asks.

“When I was a little girl, my mum always told me about grandma Lilly and that she was crazy in the head. That’s what mum called it.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, my mum told me that grandma Lilly always wanted to teach her about witchcraft when she was a little girl and that she always spoke of demons lingering in the woods behind her house.”

“Are you for real? And your mother didn’t believe her?”

“Of course not, she’s my mum. She never really believed in the supernatural. Not ghosts or demons or magic. The world is explained through science and facts for her, not magic. I was on her side once upon a time, but I was wrong big times.”

Jungkook chuckles, you retort it.

“But I know now that grandma Lilly was right”, you say, feeling your chest tighten in sadness, “magic is real, ghosts actually whisper in the nights and demons are very much part of this world. Goddamn it, I regret it so much that I never visited her once I got my first car.”

“You didn’t?”

You shake your head, sighing in sadness.

“Grandma Lilly lived very far away from any kind of civilisation. You had to drive through tense forests, cross way too many shaky bridges and drive on narrow gravel roads. Her house was surrounded by a dense forest. I think they were conifer trees. And on the south border of her garden a brook was running right past her flower beds. I think she grew stinging nettles and hogweed there. I don’t know exactly, I was always scared of that corner because she said that the plants there will hurt me a lot if I touched them, so I stayed away as a little girl.”

“Thankfully you did, hogweed burns are no joke.”

“Yeah, they really aren’t”, you agree and continue, “but other than that, her garden was so beautiful. She had many flowers beds, most were filled with herbs or healing flowers. She used them to make potions. That’s how she called them and as a kid I always thought that she was joking, but I know better now”, you say, letting out a small, sad chuckle, “she also grew all of her food herself and had a separate house for her animals. She never killed any of them, they were all her friends. She told me that she talks to them and that they want to give them their milk or eggs or fur as a token of friendship for keeping them safe.”

“And you didn’t believe her again?”

“Yeah, sadly I always thought that she was just saying that to amaze me.”

“I guess, it’s hard to believe in stuff like that when you don’t really live through it yourself.”

“Yeah, most definitely”, you agree, nodding your head, “but I think”, you continue, “I think deep down I always knew that my grandma wasn’t lying. Her place felt magical the moment you sat foot on her property. The sun was always brighter and the plants always healthier and somehow the strong storms in summer and winter never seemed to damage her place. It was like the trees and branches refused to fall on her land. And I slept so well”, you say and smile, “my bed was always too big for me, but she put lots of pillows around me so I always felt safe. At night she would bring me a mug of warm milk with spices from her garden and honey from her bee friends and then she would tell me one of her magical adventure stories and I would fall asleep and oftentimes dream of being part of her adventures.”

“Her home sounds really nice. I bet you had really good days there”, Jungkook says with awe in his voice.

“I did”, you smile, “not many because my mum never really trusted grandma Lilly to take good care of me, but I think that she was scared that grandma would show me something magical and therefore confuse me.”

“Would that really have been so bad though?”

“No, I don’t think so. Especially now. I would have loved to have my grandma teach me magic. Just imagine what I could have done if I already knew about my magic since I was a kid.”

Jungkook sways your body softly, “I’m sorry ___, that really would have been cool.”

“Yeah, it would have been”, you say and give his body a soft squeeze, “I really miss grandma Lilly.”

“Did she die already?”

“Yes, a few years ago. The official story is that she developed early dementia and got confused and one night she wandered into the woods too deep and died there from the cold. When the police found her body three days later, half of her neck was torn out. They said that an animal got to her.”

“You don’t sound convinced.”

“Of course I don’t. Just think about it. She fought demons in the forest and had half her neck torn out.”

“Holy moly, ___. Vampires”, Jungkook says.

“Exactly. Fucking damn it, she probably died fighting a vampire. That would explain why she talked about demons in the forests and why I had to be inside the moment the sun was setting and why she told me to never ever tell a stranger to come inside. You know.”

You lift your head to look at Jungkook. His eyes race between yours as his entire attention was on you and your story.

“She had fencing all around her garden. It was so high and the ends were sharp and placed in a slight angle facing the forests. She told me that it keeps the demons from trying to snatch her away.”

Jungkook widens his eyes.

“Holy fuck, your grandma actually fought vampires, didn’t she?”

“Yeah, she did”, you say, “I just know she did. And we didn’t believe her. Fuck, my mum called her crazy and I believed her, because obviously a little girl is going to believe her own mum. And now it’s driving me insane because I had her.”

You widen your eyes in emotion.

“I had my grandma right there. Knowing everything and, and sharing my, my”, you look at your own hands, realising that they are shaking just slightly, “my magic. And I didn’t believe her. I’m going insane. I want to talk to her and see her again and ask her so many things.”

Jungkook takes your shaking hands and cradles them against his chest. It lessens the shakes and grounds you to him. His thumbs draw circles on your skin, his eyes draw you in and give you a sense of comfort.

“Maybe you could?” he suggests.

“How? Last time I checked, bringing back the dead isn’t really my forte.”

“Your memories. Maybe we could go there together and look for clues in her place.”

“You think this could work?” you gasp.

“We could try?” Jungkook tilts his head to the side, “you’d just have to let me inside and then guide me to the year you want to return to.”

“Holy shit, Kook. You would do that for me?”

“I would do everything for you”, he says.

You smile, reaching out to caress his cheek. Jungkook leans into it.

“Then let’s do it. Trying won’t hurt.”

“Exactly”, Jungkook nods his head excitedly, “lie down, let’s get comfortable.”

And so it happens that you take off your magic rings, lie down on the sofa and Jungkook lies himself on top of you. He rests his head on your chest, reaching up to cup your cheek with one hand.

“Now close your eyes and think of the year.”

You close your eyes, thinking back to this one summer where the raspberry bushes carried so much fruit.

Your body tingles and your head feels dizzy for just second.

Red behind your eyelids and the sound of birds.

You open your eyes. This forest. You know it. It’s the forest behind your grandma’s house. It worked!

“Woah, this place is even better than I imagined it to be”, Jungkook gasps, looking around himself, “wow, your memories are beautiful.”

There is colour all around you. The light is taunted by a golden hue, which gives the trees and plants around you an almost unnatural colour to it. Green and yet not really green. It is that distinct green the world gets when the setting sun kisses the earth just right. 

“Those are my memories”, you murmur, lifting your head to count the branches on the high conifer trees just as you did when you were a little girl.

Too many to count. Just like in the past.

You lower your head, shifting your attention to Jungkook who is just a few feet down the path. He is looking at you. His skin looks so healthy and alive, not at all pale like in the real world.

He stretches his arm to you, opening his hand. You jog to catch up with him, taking his hand in yours.

“Is that the way?” he asks.

“Yes, that’s the way. Just past those trees”, you tell him, “follow me. I know this path from memory.”

There is the fallen over tree to your right with its white mushrooms growing all over its bark. Just past that, to your left, there is the rock. It is black and covered in moss. It seemed so big when you were little, but now it is only reaching you to your knees.

You pass it and duck out of the way of some low hanging branches. Jungkook does the same, inhaling deeply afterwards.

“It smells so good here”, Jungkook says.

“I know. That’s grandma’s raspberry pie. She just called me for pie”, you tell him, running, “quick. The pie is so yummy when it’s still warm.”

Just a few more steps. There it is. The gate. Opened just how you left it when you went on your adventure.

“I’m coming grandma!” a little girl calls out behind you.

You and Jungkook stop abruptly, turning on your heels.

“Holy shit”, you press out, watching the ghost of your past run down the path.

“Is this you?” Jungkook asks with widened eyes.

“This is me”, you whisper, watching with a lump in your throat as you run and run and run with a big smile on your face and with dirt on your hands.

You come closer and closer until you run right through you and Jungkook. You feel a cold shiver run down your spine as it happens and for just a second it seems as if your past self falters in her steps. She looks over her shoulder. Her eyes are focused right on you and Jungkook. You squeeze his hand tighter, feeling dizzy. Can she see you? She blinks her eyes twice then turns back around and begins running again.

“Grandma, I found mushrooms again! The white ones!” childhood you yells excitedly as she stumbles past the gate and runs through the flower meadow, which your grandma kept behind her house.

So she didn’t see you. You feel relief and yet also disappointment. Oh, how you would have loved to tell her that all those painful days she will go through during her teens will feel manageable one day and that she will find happiness again once she stops believing the hurtful words her parents yell at her.

“Grandma, look!” past you calls out, skipping over the meadow without any care in the world.

You follow her, tugging Jungkook with you instinctively. You barely even notice him by your side, not when the memory of this day is so clear before you.

Grandma Lilly steps out of the house then.

The ache in your chest makes you stop. She looks just as beautiful as you remember her to look. Her smile is just as warm.

“Look at you, my honeybee. You got your hands all dirty. It must have been a good day”, she welcomes past you back with open arms in which she jumps happily.

With a squeal leaving her lips she allows your grandma to lift her and then twirl her around. The laughter she lets out makes you feel tight in your chest. It hurts to see you that happy with the woman who loved you so much and knowing that you can never have this again.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook whispers, squeezing your hand as he watches tears roll down your cheeks.

“I don’t know”, you press out, yearning for a hug from your grandma.

The reflection of your past cuddles into your grandma’s chest and the yearning hurts even more.

“Grandma, I want cake”, she says and closes her eyes.

“Of course, I baked the biggest pie for you, my honeybee”, your grandma says, caressing the back of her head. Her eyes scan over the garden to the gate. For just a second it feels as if her eyes are lingering on you and Jungkook.

“Hey”, you mouth the word, lifting your hand to wave at her despite knowing she can’t see you.

Your grandma smiles.

It can’t be. Did she actually see you?

She sets down past you.

“Go inside honeybee and prepare some tea for the pie, alright?”

“Why are you not coming with me, grandma?”

“I need to make sure that the gates are safe in case demons decide to come tonight, okay?”

“Yes grandma. I’ll make tea for you too.”

Your grandma kisses past you’s cheek.

“Thank you, honeybee”, a soft pat to her butt follows, “now off you go.”

Past you soon disappears inside the cottage and with it conjures a wall of thick fog right by the door.

“What is happening?” Jungkook asks quietly, staring at your grandma with big eyes, “why is she staring at us?”

“It can’t be”, you whisper, slipping out of Jungkook’s hold, “grandma?” you call out, walking to her in slow steps, “grandma, can you see me?”

She smiles, “I was waiting for you, my honeybee. Look at you, you have grown so much”, she says.

“Grandma”, you press out, running to her for the hug she offers with open arms.

The hug feels like coming home after a painful day and for a moment you feel eight years old again, unburdened by the world and with nothing but good memories in your mind.

“Grandma, you are real. Oh god, I missed you so much”, you sob, squeezing her tightly.

She seems so small now that you are all grown up. She was always so tall when you were a little girl and now you have to bend down to reach her waist. But the feeling hasn’t changed. It is still as warm and nice and safe as it was back then.

“Oh, my honeybee. I missed you too”, she says, caressing the back of your head only how she can, “now, now stop crying. We have lots to talk about.”

You lift your head, letting her cup your cheeks and dry your tears.

“I can see that you have finally found your powers”, she says with unconditional love in her eyes.

“Grandma, we were wrong. Mum was wrong about you and, and I was wrong for believing her. E-everything you said is real. Grandma, demons and ghost and magic exist and, and vampires they-“

“Hush, I know”, she soothes you, “I know, my honeybee, I know. Don’t blame yourself or your mother for not believing. It wasn’t your time yet to believe and it was better that you two lived peacefully because of your disbelief.”

“Grandma, I’m sorry.”

“For what, my honeybee?”

“For never coming to visit you when I got my first car.”

“It’s okay, my honeybee. You came back to me just as I had envisioned.”

“Envisioned? You knew that I would come back again?”

“Of course I did, just as I know about the day you found your powers. Oh sweetheart”, she says and brushes her thumbs over your cheek, “his name is Yoongi, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t cry. He will be safe.”

“He will? How, how do you know? Grandma, I don’t know anything. I, I have no idea what I’m doing. I, I can’t wake him. I don’t know how. Or, or what I did. I miss him so much.”

“I know, honeybee. Calm down now and rest, I’m here now.”

You tear up because in this moment you feel so relieved that you wanted to cry.

“Come now”, she says, placing her arm around your waist, “we have lots to talk about.”

You follow her, holding her oh so tightly in case she decided to disappear again.

“We should take the main entrance. We wouldn’t want to actually start the memory would we?” she says and chuckles her signature chuckle. It always sounds a little whimsical, as if she was plotting something mischievous.

“So you know about the memory fog?”

“Of course I do”, she says and looks over her shoulder, “come now, Jungkook.”

“Me?” he squeaks out, pointing at his own chest.

“Yes. You.”

“I-I…okay”, he stutters and begins running to catch up with you.

Your grandma drapes her arm around his waist, painting a bright blush over his cheeks.

“Tell me, sweetheart, do you like raspberry pie?”

“Yes, I do. I think. I never had it before”, Jungkook says shyly.

She chuckles.

“Well, you will love mine.”

Jungkook lowers his head and blushes more.

Your grandma guides you over the threshold of her cottage.

“How?” Jungkook gasps, speaking out loud what you were thinking.

“Sweet boy, you are no vampire. In here you are human just like the rest of us.”

“I’m human?” Jungkook presses out, staring at his own hands. He gasps as if he realised something, then he presses his hands to his chest.

His eyes tear up in realisation.

“I have a heartbeat”, he croaks, looking at you, “___, I’m alive.”

“I don’t understand. The last time I was in memories, Yoongi had to actively change his being to get a heartbeat.”

“That is because those were his memories. This right here are your memories, my honeybee. You decide the rules in here and it seems that you wanted Jungkook to be alive.”

“___”, Jungkook whispers.

“I did?” you breathe, looking at the blushing man with widened eyes, “…I did.”

“___”, Jungkook takes your hands to kiss them softly, “thank you. Thank you so much.”

“I made you human, wow”, you whisper.

Jungkook giggles happily, resting his soft cheek on your hand. His warmth feels different than on other days. Honest and real. He closes his eyes and giggles again. His happiness makes you smile. You are glad that he feels happy.

“Now sit down you two, let me get you some pie”, your grandma says with softness in her gaze. She can see that you care a lot about the blushing boy and that he cares a lot about you.

Your grandma sits you down by her kitchen table. Once upon a time, you had to climb the chair to reach the desk. It feels so peculiar to sit down normally and see everything perfectly.

She places a plate of pie in front of you and Jungkook then sits down opposite of you.

“Eat, sweethearts”, she says with a smile.

The pie melts on your tongue like a memory of good times. And it is. It is a memory of good times. A memory, you thought to never be able to return to.

This evening you stay by the kitchen table for a long time. You share two cans of tea and eat another piece of pie. Jungkook eats just as much. You talk a lot with your grandma. About everything you never got a chance to talk about.

How you struggled for most of your high school years because of the other children making life miserable for you.

How you didn’t go to university right away, but instead wasted away in depression. How once you hit twenty years of age, you overcame that phase in your life with the help of books and how you began reading as a hobby ever since then. You also tell her about your first job in a bookshop and that you loved it a lot, but that in the end you had to give it up because the shop closed for lack of customers.

You tell her about how your parents moved away from here when you turned twenty one and how they took you with them because you had nowhere else to be. How you lived in the dense city until you were twenty four and how you fought with them a lot because the space was sparse and your mindsets were always different. How they told you to be careful in college and that they will think of you, but then they never really called or texted. How you aren’t angry at them because you could have called as well, but you didn’t.

You also tell her how you plan on visiting them soon, maybe once Yoongi is awake again so he can come with you.

You tell her about all the plants you are growing and that Yoongi gave you your own greenhouse as a present. She smiled at that and took your hand.

And then you tell her about how your life went from normal college days to days filled with vampires and witches in just a blink of an eye. You tell her about Taehyung and she listened with slight concern in her eyes, but with understanding in her touch.

You don’t talk about your problems that night. You go to sleep after your grandma made you and Jungkook warm milk with spices from her garden and honey from her bee friends. Your grandma wishes you both a restful night and promises that in this time and place nothing from the real world can hurt you. Then she turned off the lights and a wall of fog appeared between the rest of the cottage and your bedroom.

“___?” Jungkook whispers into the darkness.

“Yes?” you answer him.

“Are you sleeping?”

“No.”

The mattress shakes as Jungkook shimmies closer. He comes so close that you can see the outline of his features appear out of the darkness. His eyes are open, they reflect the faint moonlight shining through the curtains. They aren’t ruby as they normally are, but obsidian just as human eyes get.

“Can I talk to you?” he whispers.

“Sure, why are we whispering?”

“Just so”, he says quietly.

“Okay”, you answer him just as quietly.

“I don’t understand this place”, he whispers, “how can we eat and drink and fall asleep when they are nothing but your memories?”

“I’m not sure either. When I was in Yoongi’s memories with him, everything around us felt real too. I could feel the weather and smell the flowers. And Yoongi told me that there are many vampires who lose themselves in their memories because living in them is better than living in the real world.”

“So you think that we are still in your memories? And that this is all just a figment of your imagination?”

“I can’t say. I don’t understand either how my grandma is so real. She shouldn’t be able to interact with us or know that we are here.”

“Maybe it’s because you are both witches from the same family. Maybe we aren’t really in your memories but in some sort of witchy world in between your actual memories and afterlife.”

“Like a limbo type of place?”

“Yeah, maybe not that biblical, but who knows what happens when witches die. Maybe there is a realm for witch spirits to roam around in. Maybe this is actually your grandma’s spirit and this place is your family’s spirit realm.”

“It sounds possible. It would explain why my memories aren’t black and white like Yoongi’s memories and why she was able to see us.”

“It would also explain why childhood you stopped when she passed through us. Maybe she felt our presence. Can you remember feeling cold back then?”

“I can’t really tell, lots of weird stuff happened at my grandma’s place. Maybe I actually passed through us back then”, you say, studying Jungkook’s features, “holy fuck Kook, this all makes so much sense and yet it feels so unexplainable. How are we here? What is happening? Is my grandma really here?”

Jungkook reaches for your hand to hold it in comfort.

“Let’s just say that it’s a sort of spirit realm and she is real. We can’t find more answers tonight either way, the door is shut with fog.”

You sneak a glance over his shoulder. Impenetrable darkness lingers were once the door was.

“I guess you’re right. We just have to wait and see.”

“Yeah exactly. Let’s try to sleep tonight and see about it tomorrow”, he says.

“Yes, okay”, you say, closing your eyes, “I honestly need a night of sleep either way. I’m so goddamn exhausted.”

“I can imagine. You’ve been working so much lately”, he says.

“I had to.”

“I know, this isn’t an accusation. At least you did more than I did. All I did was cry like a loser.”

“Don’t say that Kook, if I wasn’t so occupied with finding a cure, I would cry too. All that keeps me from breaking down is the thought that only I can solve this. I can’t waste time crying when I’m the only one capable of fixing this.”

“I’m sorry you feel this way. I will contribute more from now on.”

“No Kook, this wasn’t an accusation. You did so much already.”

“I did?”

“You took me back to Meredith’s place and then brought me here. And tomorrow we will talk to my grandma and maybe finally find out how to fix this shit. I wouldn’t be as far as I currently am if it wasn’t for you.”

Jungkook smiles, squeezing your hand.

“This means I actually did something, I’m so happy”, he confesses in a whisper.

“You did. Thank you”, you say, shimmying closer until you can leave a soft kiss on his forehead.

Jungkook exhales shakily, lifting his head to look at you. His eyes are glassy and there is something in his gaze that lets you know that he can’t remember the last time someone kissed his forehead.

“Should we cuddle as we sleep?” you suggest.

“Yes”, he breathes, barely getting the word out.

You scoot closer, taking him in your arms.

“No”, he says.

“Hm?”

“Can, can I hold you?” he stutters, “I, I can’t hold you like I want to in real life. In here I don’t feel affected by your smell and, and I could hold you without wanting to hurt you. Please, can I?”

“Of course you can. Gosh Kook, you are so sweet.”

“Thank you. Okay, so. You have to come closer and I’ll put my arm under your head.”

“Like this?”

Jungkook closes his arms around you in the new position, pressing you against his chest.

“Just like this”, he whispers, nuzzling his nose into the crown of your head, “thank you”, he says shakily, “this feels so good.”

“Yes, it feels so nice”, you tell him, snaking your arm around his waist to pull him close.

You will rest for tonight. You have decided that. You will find rest tonight and you will find it in Jungkook’s gentle hold, surrounded by pillows and with the sounds of your grandma’s garden filling your ears.

The fog by the door is gone come morning. The scream of your grandma’s rooster wakes you. Three times he greets the sun and then a short pause follows. You peel your eyes open. You haven’t moved an inch. You are still against Jungkook’s chest with your arm around his waist and your senses engulfed by his smell. He feels warmer than he did last night, which brings out the sweetness of him even better. He doesn’t seem to be awake yet, judging by the calm – barely noticeable – breathing he is doing. He must be really relaxed for him to breathe that slowly.

You close your eyes again and snuggle closer to let his body shield you from the sunlight. Like this, the bridge of your nose is touching his chest. You can feel his heartbeat that way.

Rhythmic and calm. Constant and never faltering.

Fascinating.

Jungkook is human in here. His heartbeat is real, his warmth is real too, his breathing has a purpose. It is both fascinating and unexplainable to think about. How is he human? Is it because you actually made him human? Or perhaps those are the rules of the spirit realm. Perhaps vampires or other magical creatures, which aren’t witches, have to lose their powers first before they can enter. Perhaps in here, curses take no place and Jungkook has been ridden of his vampiric curse the moment he set foot in this place. Perhaps in here everyone is equal and no power could shift the balance of this realm.

Whatever the answer might be, you are happy for the way it is. Jungkook seemed so happy last night. You want happiness for him, because he deserves it. He works so hard to get better, but you know that it is still hard for him. At least in here he can relax and be himself. At least in here he can find comfort.

It feels nice to know that out of all the places it is your grandmother’s home. You can share the comfort she always made you feel with Jungkook. It is a nice thing to do.

And perhaps one day you can visit this place with Yoongi as well. You can introduce him to your grandma and then you can make flower crowns and later eat pie.

The rooster crows again. Once, then twice and a third time right after that.

Jungkook seems to wake up from it. He inhales deeply which presses his chest into your face for just a second before he exhales and his chest sinks again.

“Hm”, he lets out in hum, “hm?”

His hands begin moving, travelling along your upper arm and the back of your neck. He whimpers softly, as if he realised what he was doing, pressing you oh so close afterwards. His arms close around you tightly, his chest shudders in a shaky breath. This must be such a precious moment for him. To wake up and to realise that he was able to hold a human for the entire night. He must be so happy right now.

“Good morning”, you greet him quietly.

“Hey”, he presses out, squeezing your body, “oh god, you’re so warm and soft.”

“You too. It’s really nice.”

“It’s so nice, oh my god ___ it’s so nice”, he says, letting out a shuddering breath, “I just want to”, he squeezes you as tightly as possible, squeaking as he does, “you know?”

He makes you chuckle, “I know, I feel the same. You give amazing hugs.”

Jungkook squeezes you again and then again and because he can’t stop, he does it a third time as well.

“Gosh Kook”, you say, caressing his back.

“I’m sorry, I’ll stop now. I, I just never woke up with, with the human still a-alive before.”

This tugs at your heartstrings. Poor boy.

“Don’t stop, sweets”, you tell him, “give me all the cuddles you want to.”

“Thank you, ___”, he says, pulling you close again, “thank you so much, oh I never want to get up again. This is heaven, I don’t want to stop.”

You let your eyes fall closed, running your fingers up and down his back mindlessly. Quite frankly, you don’t want to stop either. You feel so selfish to admit it, but having a good morning again feels nice. Oh you hate yourself so much for even thinking it, but your last countless mornings were filled with so much pain and exhaustion and fear of what the day may bring that this fleeting moment in this unexplainable realm of memory and reality feels addictive.

Outside the donkey answers the call of the rooster and somewhere downstairs the front door seems to close. Your grandma must be finally up, now leaving the cottage to feed the animals.

“It’s really busy here”, Jungkook says.

“Yeah right? It’s the best way to be woken up. I always loved waking up to the animals.”

“I can see that. I loved it too.”

“What do you mean?”

“I come from a family of farmers, well, fishers to be more exact.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, we had a small house by the coast down in Busan and had two boats. My father and uncle were the captains of them and we had five employees, including my older brother and me and my cousin. My mother and aunt took care of our house when we went out. We had lots of animals too. Chickens and goats and also so many cats and dogs.”

“That sounds so nice. Gosh, I never even imagined you as a fisher.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, but it suits you. It must have been a good life.”

“I guess, it was until the war started. We all had to enlist, you know? My brother and my cousins and I. We had no choice, they sent letters to all the houses telling the families that all men between the age of sixteen and thirty needed to enlist or else they would have thrown everyone in jail for treason.”

“That’s awful, what the hell.”

“It was. I never wanted to be a soldier. I just wanted to be with my girlfriend and my family, not f-fight in a war I had no guilt in”, he confesses, hiding his face in the crown of your head for comfort, “I still dream of the fighting sometimes. I don’t wish this upon anyone, not even my enemies.”

“I’m sorry, Kook. I can’t even imagine how awful it must have been, but I am here for you.”

“Thank you”, he whispers, “thank you so much, for everything. I don’t ever want to let you go. It feels like it did back then.”

“Back then?”

“When I was human and I would wake up for a day at sea.”

“Yeah? Did you also wake up hugging your girlfriend?”

“Oh god no”, he giggles, “we weren’t allowed to stay overnight, because we weren’t married yet.”

You lift your head as best as possible.

“What? Why do you look so sad?” he asks.

“You never experienced sex as a human?” you whisper, “Jungkook, oh god. Do you truly not know how it feels like?”

Jungkook lowers his eyes in coyness, “just because we weren’t allowed to, doesn’t mean we didn’t try”, he confesses, blushing vividly, “her dad had a car and she always picked me up with it. Then we drove along the coast until we found a quiet spot and we, uhm, we had sex on the backseat. We were always so paranoid to be caught, but it felt so good that we didn’t want to stop.”

“Oh dear”, you have to chuckle, “well, that is good to hear. I think I would have cried if I found out that you never even experienced sex as a human.”

“Now you don’t have to”, he smiles shyly, “don’t tell anyone though, it’s a secret.”

“Of course not. I wouldn’t dare to expose your horny ass”, you say, snickering.

Jungkook’s face lights up. He presses a kiss to your forehead and pulls you closer, keeping his lips against your skin afterwards.

“But that’s new”, he whispers, “I never woke up with a human like this. It feels so good.”

“I’m happy to be your first then. I hope we can have memories like this often.”

“Me too. I seriously want them every day.”

A thought comes to you then. Memories of the last conversation you had with Yoongi.

“If there was a cure would you take it?” you ask Jungkook.

“What do you mean?”

“If there was a cure to vampirism would you take it?”

“Yes”, he says without hesitation, “I wouldn’t even hesitate. I hate nothing more than what I am and I would do anything to change this.”

You lower your head, hiding your face in his chest. Jungkook, unaware of your racing thoughts, rests his chin on the crown of your head and smiles. He feels so relaxed right now.

“Jungkook, I have to tell you something”, you say.

“Tell me.”

“I think Yoongi found a cure to vampirism before he, you know, fell victim to Namjoon.”

“What?” Jungkook gasps, scooting back just enough that he can look at you, “why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I was so preoccupied with finding a cure for whatever keeps Yoongi from us that I completely forgot about it”, you confess, “I’m sorry, but you seem so…content in here as a human and it made me think about what Yoongi told me on the night he…left. That’s how I remembered again.”

“What did he tell you?”

“That he wanted one lifetime with me.”

“Yoongi also wants to take the cure?”

“I don’t know anymore. I think I talked him out of it, but now I feel so selfish.”

“Selfish, why?”

“What if I forced him? I, I don’t know how living with all those urges is for you guys. I don’t know how it feels like to know that you can never die. I told him to not take it just yet, but to wait for darker days. It feels so selfish now.”

“I don’t think so.”

“You don’t?”

Jungkook shakes his head, “I’ve never heard of this cure before and I don’t think other vampires have. We don’t know how it works or what it does. I assume you were just worried that it might kill him or hurt him. That’s not selfish, that’s simply not wanting your lover to be in pain.”

“I guess”, you say, lowering your eyes, “but I also just wanted to keep him a little longer”, you confess, “shit, I’m sorry. I know, it’s awful to admit.”

“It’s not”, Jungkook says, “you love him and that makes you want to stay with him forever. I get it.”

“You do?”

Jungkook nods his head.

“I know I said I would take it instantly, but now that I know it’s real I feel really scared. What if we take it, but then die really young because sometimes humans die young for no other reason than that the universe is cruel?”

“You don’t have to take it. Not until we tested it out on Namjoon.”

“You want to test it out on Namjoon?”

“Yes. This was our plan. We were planning on testing it out on Namjoon to see what it does and if it is safe. And then we wanted to keep it for darker days. That was our plan before everything went downhill.”

“Wow, you had a whole plan laid out”, Jungkook says, “and I had no idea.”

“I’m sorry, I forgot about it again. A-all I’m thinking about is Yoongi. I want to safe him first. He’s already gone from us and I don’t want to think about a cure.”

Jungkook nods his head, “I understand. We’ll safe him, I promise. And then we can talk about that supposed cure. Together. With Yoongi.”

“I like how that sounds”, you breathe, “I really hope that you are right. You know, when he told me about the cure he also said that he just wanted to know that he could also end and now-”

“Now he knows”, Jungkook whispers, “it’s cruel to imagine.”

“Exactly”, you breathe, closing your eyes when Jungkook cups your cheek and dries off your tears.

“Don’t cry ___. We have your grandma now”, he whispers. 

“I know, I’m sorry I’m just so tired”, you confess, voice trembling, “I can’t do this for long anymore.”

“I know”, Jungkook breathes, leaning in to kiss the tears from your lashes, “you don’t have to. I’m here, I can carry most of it.”

“Oh god, Kook”, you whimper, twisting his shirt at the front. Your eyes, although sensitive from sadness, lock with his’, “I love you a lot, Kook.” 

Jungkook widens his eyes in surprise, lowering them a second later. 

“I love you too”, he says, “holy shit, do you mean it?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Well shit”, Jungkook croaks, cupping your cheeks to squeeze them gently as he tilts your head up, “I love you so much, I-I can’t believe you feel the same.”

“Of course I do, you’re one of the sweetest people I know”, you tell him, caressing his cheeks.

They heat up under your touch, sparkly eyes almost blinding to look at from all the happiness in them. He smiles brightly.

“No you are. You are so sweet and wonderful and, and funny and pretty and I”, he stops himself, gasping for air. His eyes widen cutely, “I love you so much. I love you seriously so much.”

You smile, “I love you too, Kookie.”

Jungkook finally knows what the purpose of living is. It is being with you and loving you. He squeezes your cheeks and pulls you into a kiss. A deep and desperate kiss. The type of kiss, you would have lost yourself in on better days.

“Baby”, you whisper, breaking the kiss, “Jungkook baby, I can’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Sleep with you. I don’t feel those needs lately. I'm sorry.”

Jungkook looks sad at first, but soon deep understanding fills his features.

“I understand. I think I wouldn’t have enjoyed it fully either way. I just love you so much and knowing that you love me too, made me blind to the situation for a moment.”

“Once Yoongi is back, I promise you to make it up to you.”

“It’s okay, my baby. I don’t expect any kind of payback. Whatever happens will happen.”

“You are seriously so sweet. Thank you so much, my baby.”

Jungkook smiles, caressing your cheek.

“I just”, he falters, licking his lips. His eyes soften, “I just wanna tell you that this is what I’m training for. This is how I wanna be with you one day.”

You smile, caressing his pecs, “and you will. You are making progress each and every day and I am positive that we can have moments like this in the real world too.”

Jungkook nods his head, smiling so brightly his nose scrunches up.

Your grandmother is waiting with breakfast once you and Jungkook decide to come downstairs. She is in the middle of brewing herbal tea on her stove and listening to music on her old radio, but turns around when Jungkook greets her loudly.

“Good morning, my dear. Did you sleep well? Oh?”

You greet her by hugging her tightly, face hiding in the crook of her neck and arms tightly around her. You squeeze her gently, inhaling deeply to make sure that her scent will never leave your memories again.

She giggles mischievously, patting your back lovingly, “what a lovely surprise.”

“Good morning, grandma”, you say, stepping back to send her a smile.

“Good morning, my honeybee”, she says, running her hand down your cheek once.

“Breakfast smells amazing, grandma. I can’t wait to dig in.”

She smiles, eyes softening behind her golden framed glasses. She caresses your cheek a second time, making sure that the picture of your face will never leave her memories.

“Sit. Sit, my sweethearts. Drink tea if you want to. Milk is in the fridge. I will get berries from the garden”, she says and gestures you and Jungkook to get comfortable. She disappears through the backdoor afterwards.

Jungkook pulls out the chair for you, helping you sit comfortably. Once done, he leans down to wrap his arms around you from behind. He kisses your neck, just once and without any ulterior motive in mind. It feels nice to be loved that way, sending a warm flutter to your tummy.

He sits down next to you afterwards, pulling his chair closer to you so he can touch you innocently. He turns to face you, running his fingertips up and down your arm. You meet his gaze in a fleeting moment and backtrack, focusing on his sparkling eyes.

“What’s wrong?” you ask him.

“Nothing. I’m really happy.”

“Mhm”, you hum.

“Sorry. Ah dear”, he cups his cheeks, turning away from you in giddiness. You smile fondly because of it, turning your attention to the breakfast at hand. If you remember correctly, your grandmother’s breakfast is to die for.

“You should eat a lot. My grandma’s breakfast is amazing”, you tell Jungkook as you place some fried eggs and bacon on his plate.

“Thank you. I want to eat a lot. It smells so good”, he says, doing the same to your plate.

You and him share silence as you begin eating. The food is just way too incredible to taint it with conversation. You want to enjoy it fully. Your grandmother returns with a basket full of berries once you finished your first slice of toast and eggs. She prepares each of you a mug of steaming tea and as she washes the berries, you ask her if she knew more about this place.

“This is my home”, she answers you.

“Yes, but how is it possible that we are here?” you ask her, “that we can eat and sleep and it actually does something to us? How is Jungkook human? And why can you see us?”

“Are we in some sort of afterlife for witches?” Jungkook asks.

“One could call it like that, my dear”, she says, sitting down opposite of you. “It is a world only witches can enter. I am here because I am truly here. After a witch dies her soul enters this realm and manifests itself as a new body in this realm.”

“A new body?”

“Yes. Many choose to have a prettier, better body but I like how I looked”, she snickers, “wouldn’t you agree?”

“Yes grandma, you look really beautiful.”

“I think so too, grandma”, Jungkook agrees, nodding his head vigorously, “so how come we managed to get here? It makes sense that ___ can enter the realm because she is a witch, but how come I am allowed to be here?”

“Well, this is a realm for dead souls after all and vampires are technically all dead.”

“Ah, that makes lots of sense.”

“And you are allowed to be here because ___ allowed you to enter through her consciousness. Without ___’s consent your soul would have never been able to even find this realm.”

“I see”, Jungkook says and holds your hand, “thank you so much for allowing me entrance, ___. I love it here”, he says.

“You have to keep it a secret though”, your grandmother says, nudging his arm gently.

“Of course I will. I will protect this secret with my life”, he promises and pretends to lock his lips.

Your grandmother laughs fondly, “I never doubted it. You seem like a decent young man.”

Jungkook flusters, “I try to live well. I didn’t always succeed, but I want to become better and better day by day.”

“This is noble thing to want, my dear”, she says and caresses his cheek.

Jungkook blushes, lowering his eyes shyly.

“And how did we get here?” you ask her, “I wanted to return to my memories with Jungkook and not get to this realm. How did we see my past self?”

“You must have linked yourself to this realm and walked a wrong path”, she says, “I can’t quite understand it either as getting to this realm requires a lot of training and many skilled witches still fail to do so. It is true that you started off in your memories. I must admit, that I didn’t see you at first until suddenly I felt myself become aware and then you appeared.”

“Fascinating”, Jungkook whispers, listening with parted lips.

“I think what happened was that your emotions overwhelmed you and therefore you possessed over great powers for a few seconds which then helped you reach this place. Tell me, my honeybee, have you ever had uncontrollable surges of power during very emotional moments?”

“I did! Grandma, I did. When, when Yoongi was dying and I thought that I will lose him. I-I felt so scared and heartbroken and lost and all I wanted to do was to protect him. So I screamed and then there was the bright light and all of a sudden Yoongi was unconscious and his entire body was covered in a layer of glowing light. Grandma, what does this mean?”

“I see. So it happened before.”

“It did and I think”, you hesitate.

“Go on, honeybee.”

“I think it happened when I was angry as well. There is this vampire, grandma. His name is Namjoon.”

“I know him. He is a very dangerous monster.”

“He is and grandma, okay listen. Grandma, we managed to capture him, but he hurt Yoongi because of that. And when I talked to him I got so upset for taking Yoongi from me that I felt so angry and so helpless and I just wanted to hurt him and all of a sudden he started bleeding out of his eyes because I cooked his insides. I didn’t even know how to do all of that before that. I thought of it and it just happened.”

“I see”, you grandmother says and sighs sadly, “oh, my honeybee”, she says with slight regret in her voice, “it pains me to know that despite all my efforts you have fallen into this world.”

“What?” you ask her

“You were never supposed to awaken your powers or meet such dangerous creatures.”

“Not them, grandma”, you say, taking Jungkook’s hand, “they are different from the demons in the forests or Kim Namjoon. They keep me safe and protect me and they are the only family I have left.”

“Are they? Truly?” 

“Yes. Yoongi is the reason I’m still alive. Why I’m still breathing. He kept me save even before we fell in love and, and when I’m with him I feel…” you touch your aching chest, “…I feel at peace.”

You lift your glassy gaze.

“I feel at peace because when we are together the world and all its problems seem so unimportant. When I’m with him, I want to keep smiling and laughing, because just looking at him makes me happy. I have never felt like this before, grandma”, you confess and laugh.

She laughs with you.

You wipe your tears away, smiling honestly.

“Sometimes it scares me how much I feel for him, but then he says my name and I’m not scared anymore. And it doesn’t matter that he is a vampire.”

“You really love him, don’t you?”

“Yes more than anything, more than my life. More than my-”, you falter, looking at her with fearful eyes. 

“More than your innocence, I understand.”

“You do?”

She nods her head. 

“I did terrible things for your grandpa, my honeybee.”

“You did?”

“Of course. I killed for him too. They were vampires who wanted his head. So I killed them painfully. You and I are no different.”

“I feel so awful, grandma. I, I killed people.”

You miss the confusion washing over Jungkook’s face as your eyes are focused on your grandmother’s face.

“Those monsters weren’t people. Kim Namjoon and his followers don’t deserve your remorse”, she assures you.

“But still, I feel terrible.”

“Of course you do, but you shouldn’t. I must admit that I have never met a vampire like Jungkook before.”

“Like me?”

“Yes. Still so humane and full of true love”, she says, “and I have seen glimpses of how Yoongi treats you and specks of your friends I saw as well and I must admit that I have to change my view on some vampires.”

She reaches over the table, intertwining her fingers with you.

“But not about Kim Namjoon and his followers. They are terribly twisted creatures and you did what you had to do.”

“And yet I feel like I haven’t done anything. Grandma, everything I try turns out to be wrong. I tried so much already.”

“I know, you must be so exhausted already.”

“I am. I want all of this to stop. I want to get Yoongi back and I want to keep fighting until I do, but I don’t know how long I can still take all of this defeat.”

Jungkook places his arm around you, resting his chin on your shoulder so you know that he was here for you.

“I know, but it will all be over soon. I will help you”, you grandmother promises.

“You will? Oh grandma, thank you so much”, you say, spilling tears of grateful relief.

“Don’t cry, my honeybee. Grandma's here now”, she says in a soothing voice, “now tell me everything you tried already. We need to work out what might have gone wrong and how to fix it.”

And so you begin telling her about every possible cure you already tried. About all the spells you memorised, all the relics which turned out to be useless, all the tools you carved only for them to be worthless in the end. You tell her about the countless failures, the endless nights of research, the overwhelming amount of knowledge you acquired and how nothing was of help. You tell her about the hundreds of phone calls you made to the witches you knew and the hundred phone calls you made to the vampires you knew and then the hundreds of phone calls you made to the wolves who were willing to help. You tell her about how none knew what to do and that at some point all their wishes for Yoongi’s speedy recovery felt like mockery. You tell her about your own doubts. For you as a person, your magic, your abilities, your right to love Yoongi. You tell her how you cried for too many nights until suddenly you started to feel numb to anything. You tell her about Taehyung and the others and how they worried for you. You tell her about everything while she listened and nodded her head.

Once you finished your stories, she promises that she will help as best as she can. And then you spend your day doing research together. She teaches you how to control your magic during emotional moments and while you didn’t quite understand it, she promised you that with practice you will be able to master the skill. She teaches you the proper pronunciation of spells and explains to you why certain relics didn’t work the way you wanted them to work. And you realise just how very little you actually knew about being a witch, but she assured you that you knew a great deal and then she kissed you on the cheek and said that you always were a very self-conscious person because your mother didn’t make it very easy to have faith in yourself.

The moon is high in the sky by the time you finish your research. It is shining into the kitchen, but it isn’t dark inside the cottage. Your grandma told Jungkook to light a few candles. The latter is bundled up on your grandma’s sofa with you while your grandma sits in her armchair like she always did late at night. He is dozing with his lips parted in soft snores while you are practicing the spell your grandmother taught you.

You were successful. By the time the clock struck seven, you figured out a way of saving Yoongi. You wanted to cry and fall around her neck, but she told you to channel that excitement and turn it into magic. And so you did, practicing the proper way while she advised you and with it, your magic finally began to feel real. You could feel it coursing through your veins and tingle in your fingertips. Until now you felt numb to it, but through your grandmother’s advice you finally began to feel it.

And it felt wonderful. It gave you purpose and hope.

“You did it”, your grandmother gasps when you successfully turned the small heap of sawdust back into a tiny piece of wood.

“I did it. Grandma I did it!”

“Of course you did. I never doubted you for a second”, she says, “oh my honeybee, come here”, she says and falls around your neck in a tight hug. She falls off the armchair that way, kneeling on the floor with you while you hugged her and thanked her under tears.

Jungkook wakes from the sound, licking his lips and inhaling through his nose. He blinks a few times until finally sitting up.

“What happened?” he asks.

You break away from your grandmother to pick up the piece of wood and show it to him.

“I did it Kookie. I know how to focus my magic now”, you say.

“You did it”, Jungkook gasps, closing his hands around yours.

“I know how to use the knife now. Kookie, the spell I tried will finally work. I know how to focus the magic now. I know how to save Yoongi.”

“I can’t believe it. ___ you did it”, Jungkook’s eyes become glassy, “I never doubted you for a second.”

“I did, but not anymore”, you laugh, “Kookie, we’ll get Yoongi back. Grandma you-” you stop upon seeing her sad eyes, “grandma, what’s wrong?”

“You have grown up so much”, she whispers, “oh my honeybee, why does time pass so terribly quickly?”

You turn to her, closing your eyes when she cups your face.

“It is time for you to leave this place.”

“What?” you gasp, looking at her with fearful eyes, “but grandma.”

“You have to save your beloved. Time doesn’t wait for you. Two days have passed here as well as in the real world.”

“I see. Grandma, I don't want to leave you already.”

“Neither do I, but you have to leave eventually.”

“Can I see you again?”

“Maybe one day, but if we won’t, I am sure that you will be okay. You are my granddaughter after all”, she says, smiling sadly as she wipes your tears.

“I will return, I promise you. You have to meet Yoongi, grandma. When I heal him and I learned how to focus my emotions, I will return.”

She smiles, “and I will wait for you with raspberry pie.”

You laugh, she laughs as well. You help each other stand up, holding hands as she leads you outside. She holds Jungkook’s hand as well, caressing his knuckles. You know that you have to leave this place and yet the walk to the forest gate leaves your heart aching in your chest. You know that you will see her again one day and yet you don’t want time with her to end already. You have finally grown into the age where you can see eye to eye with her and you have so many questions you haven’t asked her yet. And yet as you try to speak them right now, you can’t think of any of them. all you can do is look at her face and hope that you won’t ever forget how she looks.

You stop when you are just a few steps away from the closed gate. She turns to Jungkook, cupping his cheeks.

“Keep being yourself, my dear. Your life will be bright”, she tells him, caressing his skin with her thumb.

“Thank you, grandma”, he says with a smile, “grandma, can I give you a hug?”

“Of course you can.”

And so it happens that Jungkook bends down to hug your grandmother. He does so with tenderness and honest love in his chest.

“Thank you for your help and for being such a great person in ___’s life”, he says.

“I could say the same about you, my dear.”

Jungkook steps back with blushing cheeks and a shy smile.

Your grandmother turns to you, gasping when you fall around her neck.

“I don’t want to go, grandma”, you sob into her shoulder.

“You have to, my honeybee. Live your life with your love truthfully, passionately, and to its fullest and I promise you that it will be worth it.”

“Thank you so much, grandma. You and grandpa are the only family members who didn’t leave scars. I will miss you so much.”

“I will miss you too, my honeybee”, she says and breaks the hug because she knows that you won’t be able to do so.

She pushes you closer to the gate, pulling your hands from her face to hold it. Her eyes carry tears but her lips are curled into a smile.

“I’m so proud of you, my honeybee”, she whispers.

“Grandma”, you choke out.

“Now go, live your life. I will be right here rooting for you.”

You take a step to the gate and turn again.

“Grandma”, you plead, reaching for her but she stays back.

“Go, my honeybee”, she whispers.

“I don’t know if I can.”

“You can.”

“No. I can’t.”

She smiles and nods her head, “you can.”

Jungkook takes your hand, making you look at him.

“I’ll help you”, he says, “hold my hand and we’ll go together.”

“Kook”, you whisper, “Kook, please don’t let it go.”

“I won’t”, he says and tugs at your hand.

You stumble closer to the gate, eyes falling back onto your grandmother. She lifts her hand to wave at you and all you want to do was to run back to her and stay right here with her for the rest of your life. Jungkook clutches your hand tighter, opening the gate for you.

“Ready?” he asks.

The night is dark behind the gate. You look at your grandmother one last time. Jungkook squeezes your hand, letting you know that you weren’t alone. That he will hold your hand as you step through that gate and that long after that, he will keep holding it.

“I love you, grandma”, you say the words you never told her when she was still alive.

“I love you too, my honeybee”, she answers you.

You can’t move. You can’t move through that gate. No matter how hard you try, you can’t move on.

“Kookie?” you press out.

“Yes?”

“You have to tug me with you. Please.”

“Okay. Hold my hand, I will help you”, he says and steps through the door. You stumble after him, fighting the tug but at the same time clutching his hand.

Your grandmother gives you one last smile and then your feet stumble over the threshold. She disappears, darkness swallows the clearing and her cottage, your entire body begins to tingle and you know that any second now you will open your eyes.

[rand0mfangurlstuff]

I'll Look After You - Part 6 - Bucky & Y/N

Thank you so much to everyone who continues to read this, it means so much to me. As always every like, comment, feedback etc is always appreciated x

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

It was but a mere 36 hours till their date and Bucky was still fucked. Nothing he came up with seemed good enough. He could take her to dinner sure, but somehow that didn't seem to be enough? Other options weren't thrilling him either.

'How about a picnic? Girls like picnics.' offered Curt.

'A picnic? Wouldn't a fancy restaurant be better than sitting on the ground?' Bucky wasn't sure how Y/N would feel about that.

'A picnic sounds nice. Theres a nice park in town, got a little pond with ducks in it.' Gale gave him his usual 'it will be fine' smile. 'Just make her feel special.' he then offered.

But how on earth was Bucky to show her just how special she was? Nothing seemed good enough. But he was running out of time. A picnic would have to do. 'Okay, a picnic. Got any idea what you bring to a picnic?'

After Gale kindly helped him assemble the required necessities for his picnic; a blanket and some cushions, a basket, some sandwiches and some cupcakes he had begged the chefs in the mess hall for, and a bottle of wine he wasnt sure how Curt got a hold of, Bucky felt a little more at ease about his date. He had done this countless times. Take a pretty girl out on the town, show her a good time. But this felt different. He felt like a schoolboy again. When he arrived at the door of Y/Ns living quarters, it took him almost a full five minutes to knock on the door. When he did, she answered almost immediatly. Wow. She's so beautiful. He already knew she was beautiful of course, but something about seeing her outside of the infirmary, seeing the sunlight hit her face, she was an angel. He handed her the flowers he had picked for her. 'Hi. You look, wow you look pretty.' I'm such an idiot. He thought. She laughed, 'Why thank you. You look pretty good yourself. I'll put these in some water and then we can go.' she turned back into her quarters. Bucky was glad of the few moments alone to compose himself. Get it together Major.

When she returned, he offered her the crook of his elbow and escorted her to his jeep. 'Are you going to tell me where we're going? I wasnt sure what to wear. Am I dressed appropriately?'

'It's a suprise. You look magnificent and yes your choice of clothing is wonderful.' He gave her a wink as he started the jeep and drove them to the town park.

Once they had parked the jeep it was only a short walk to the pond in the centre of the park. It was Summer-time, the air was warm, sun shining in the sky. It was one of the few days in England that would honestly say the weather was perfect. Bucky layed down the blanket and cushions and got his supplies from the basket. 'I hope this is okay, i wasnt sure but Buck said-' 'This is wonderful.' she smiled. 'I've never been on a picnic before.'

Bucky couldn't help the words that came out next. 'Well, I am truly honoured to pop your picnic cherry.' He said with a wink.

The laughter that errupted from Y/N was enormous. Her whole body shook with the force of it. 'Oh wow. Major Egan, You really know how to make a lady blush.' 'That's not all I know how to do.' another mischievous wink. Y/N laughed again. Bucky's mood quickly turned sour when he opened his picnic basket. The wine was now warm, and the cupcakes had gotten tossed around and were smushed. 'Fuck.' Bucky muttered under his breath. 'What'a wrong?' 'The food, it's all smushed. I'm sorry Y/N-' She peered into the basket while cutting him off. 'The sandwiches are fine. And those cupcakes still look pretty edible to me.' She opened the wine and poured it into the glasses Bucky brought, passing one to him and taking a sip. 'Tastes lovely.'

Some time had passed as they sat talking, eating sandwiches and cupcakes and drinking warm wine. While it wasnt the best meal Bucky had ever had, he quickly realised he would gladly eat Meatballs food if she was sitting next to him. They talked about life before the war, their hometowns, things they enjoy. It was wonderful. The sun was starting to set, giving everything a beautiful golden glow. She looked even more like an angel from heaven. He was drawn to her, he felt himself move closer and closer. She had stopped talking to him, instead looking from his eyes to his lips. She wants me to kiss her. He slowly inched his face closer to hers when suddenly *drip*. A drop of rain right on the tip of his nose. He chose to ignore it, moving even closer to the pair of beautiful soft lips infront of him.

The skys opened. It rained harder than Bucky had ever seen before. He had forgotten how unpredictible the English weather could be. 'Fuck!' he yelled as they both jumped up from the ground and started throwing things back into the basket. There was a small pub just across the street from the park. 'This way!' Bucky yelled while grabbing her hand, the two running for cover.

They entered the small pub, soaking from head to toe. Y/N's hear now clung to her in soaking wet tendrils, her eye makeup sliding down her face. Yet somehow, she was still smiling up at him. He spotted a lit fireplace in the corner. 'Come here Y/N, I'm so sorry! You're soaked you're going to catch a cold.' 'Bucky I'm fine its just a little rain.' 'No no, sit here, close to the fire.' At that moment an elderly woman, presumably someone who worked in the pub, Came to them with two towels. 'These should help.' Bucky quickly wrapped a towel around Y/N. 'Yes! Thank you, can we get a drink too? Whiskey? Hot whiskey! Thats good for colds right? Oh god I'm sorry Y/N I -' 'Bucky! Calm down!' She cut him off. It was the most stern he had ever heard her. 'We will take two hot whiskeys please, with honey and sugar. Bucky sit down and dry yourself off.' Bucky did as he was told and the barwoman left to go make their drinks.

'Last I checked you don't control the weather, so why are you appologizing?' Bucky couldnt even look at her, instead looking into the warm flames of the fire. 'This date. I wanted it to be perfect for you, but it has quite literally been a washout.' She placed her hand on his chin, turning him to look at her. His expression was that of an abandoned puppy. She almost laughed, but knew that would be cruel. 'I'm sorry you haven't been enjoying our date, I thought it was lovely.' 'You did? But the rain and the food it-' 'It was all wonderful. Yes the wine was warm, but it still tasted nice, and the cupcakes were a little smushed but they just become smushed in your mouth when you eat them anyway. The sandwiches were lovely. And now look at us. Were in this lovely little pub, sitting by the fire, and by the looks of it a band is going to be starting soon.' Bucky looked behind him to were some men were setting up instruments. 'I cant think of a better way to end the evening, can you?' She truly is the most wonderful woman. What did I do to deserve someone as wonderful as her? 'You're right doll, this is perfect.'

Several hot whiskeys later and Y/N and Bucky were more than a little tipsy. The band was playing and many of the pub patrons were dancing on the makeshift dancefloor. 'Come on doll, how about a dance?' Bucky said as he pulled Y/N to the dancefloor. 'I'm not much of a dancer Major.' 'It's okay, neither am I.' He spun her around and they danced like nobody was watching, often bumping into other dancers near by. But neither one cared. They laughed and laughed as they tripped over each others feet, holding eachother closer to steady themselves. Y/N realised this was the most fun she had had with anyone in a long time, maybe even ever.

They danced until they were physically kicked out of the pub. They walked hand in hand, swaying side to side, laughing and giggling the whole way back to Thorpp Abbotts. When they reached Y/N quarters, both suddenly felt sad. Neither one of them wanted the night to end. Y/N turned to Bucky, her back against the door. 'Bucky, thank you. I had the most wonderful time today.' 'The pleasure was all mine doll.' They looked into eachothers eyes, the moonlight illuminating their faces. Bucky wanted so badly to bend down and kiss her. But he was worried the moment had passed. He didnt want her to presume he expected anything of her. Although he would take anything and everything she had to offer him. He was broken out of his thoughts by her voice. 'Bucky?' 'Yeah doll?' 'Can you please stop thinking about kissing me and actually do it?' He had never fulfilled a request faster.

[tyo-mimt]

21/36. @tmnt-event-blog

A rare down day accompanied with a little baking at dawn.

Today could've been better... It was one of his worse days, but it wasn't something he couldn't weather.

Sitting in front of the oven, waiting for the sugar cookies to finish baking, Mikey watched as they slowly grew. It wasn't strange to see him in the kitchen at all, but the strange part about this session was the time he started baking.

At one in the morning, awoken by the same nightmare that seemed to plague him and his brothers constantly, the box turtle found that the others had managed to find sleep. Good for them, he bitterly thought. It was weird being the only one unable to go back to sleep. He knew it was a regular occurrence for Leo, knew that the insomnia was normal for Donnie, and that it was becoming a more recurrent event for Raph, but this was the first time Mikey felt it.

The crushing loneliness of being awake at some ungodly morning hour, with no family to bother or with no one awake to distract him from the reasons of his wakefulness.

Funny how things turn out, huh?

A few moments ago, when he was merely sat in bed and staring up at the ceiling, he pondered what he could do. Draw? No, he didn't really feel like it (burnout had crept in and he just didn't want to acknowledge it today). Games on his phone? His hands shook too much whenever he held the device, and he didn't need the reminder and vertigo. Stare up at the ceiling until morning came? He isn't crazy (Mikey may be experiencing sleeplessness but he wasn't about to let boredom consume his soul.

So he decided to risk waking someone up (luckily, he didn't) and go to the kitchen to bake. Sugar cookies were right for the season, so he started baking them. Preparation only took a good chunk of an hour, and the rest of it was used on mixing the batter and laying it out on parchment paper. He decided not to bother with icing until the tremors got a little better. Mikey'd rather not have Raph or Leo scold him about not resting when he needed it.

He couldn't help it.

Staying idle made him feel bad, making his family happy made him feel good. And Mikey didn't want any of them to worry about him while he's doing that second thing. Besides, when has his family ever seen him completely or fully upset? The times that they did were always a quick fix, and he wasn't about to change that. Besides, it was his job to keep everyone together, keep everyone happy and in high spirits. The morale booster wasn't supposed to be feeling down!

That was his job, to bring everyone together and keep everyone together.

He wanted to laugh at the thought. He's hanging by a thread, barely managing to keep his family consistently talking to each other. Doctor Feelings wasn't as effective, and Doctor Delicate Touch can only ever help in specific scenarios. And don't even get him started on how the Krang seemed to affect every thing it got its slimy little tentacles on. Raph's eye, Leo's arm, Donnie's mind; Mikey could be considered the only one left untouched, but the tremors and scars on his arms made it difficult to back that claim up.

Everyone else had it worse than he did, right? He wasn't the leader, he didn't crave approval, and he wasn't the oldest. So what right did he have to get upset? He's supposed to be out there to help his brothers.

His attention turned back to the sugar cookies; he stood back up, pushing away the self-pity he allowed himself for those few moments.

"It's okay," He murmured to himself. He opened the oven and pulled the tray out, setting it down on the cooling rack. He sighed.

It'd be okay. It's just one bad day out of many good ones.

[stateofsport211]

NextGen Finals 2023: Challenger Frequents Making their Mark

An Introductory Post to the NextGen Finalists 2023

The NextGen ATP Finals 2023 logo (📸 ATP Tour)

The field for this year’s NextGen Finals, which will be held in Jeddah (Saudi Arabia) during the last weeks of November, has been set. Interestingly, just like parts of the field last year, all contenders made their mark in the ATP Challenger Tour throughout the year, which became part of the tennis Tour that showcased their potential even deeper.

This post will celebrate the next generation of tennis, serving as a recap of their season and what to expect before the Bootcamp, where everyone will get to know them better in a series of off-court challenges in one of the innovations of this year’s NextGen Finals. Furthermore, with an emphasis on the Challenger Tour, this would hopefully bring more exposure to the Challenger Tour, which became the intermediary between the rising players, those trying to rediscover their form, and those still trying to break even.

For this year, the NextGen Finals qualifying window was open until November 20, 2023, the day after the finals in 5 Challenger events this year were held. Eventually, it all came down to that week due to a possibly tight race between several players concurrently playing in several tournaments, especially Kobe and Montevideo. It took a while for the ATP to eventually finalize the finalists, and they officially announced the last 3 qualifiers earlier this Monday (November 20) despite the field looking set by the end of the second round of Kobe. They will be drawn into two groups on November 25, 2023, playing in the best-of-five mini-sets (first to 4 games).

Hereby introducing the NextGen Finalists:

1. Arthur Fils

Arthur Fils during the Montpellier (250) (📸 Next Gen ATP Finals via JB Autissier)

Arthur Fils' points to break 2-1 in the second set of the Oeiras 2 Challenger final against Joris de Loore (left), and to take the second set 7-5 in the Aix-en-Provence Challenger first round against Gregoire Barrere (right) (📸 ATP Challenger Livestream)

Starting this year one line below the Top 250, Fils’ meteoric rise commenced in Oeiras 2 Challenger, the start of his season, where he won the title against the previous week’s winner, Joris de Loore, 6-1, 7-6(4) through his predominantly working first serves and notably fiery passes, which often carried him until today. He continued the streak by being the Quimper Challenger runner-up to Gregoire Barrere 1-6, 4-6, which earned him the wild card to the Montpellier (250), where he became an eventual semifinalist to Jannik Sinner, as well as being a semifinalist of Marseille (250) to Benjamin Bonzi.

Since then, his potential flourished despite the rollercoaster clay season, with winning Lyon (250) as the pinnacle of his season (d. Francisco Cerundolo 6-3, 7-5), followed by a semifinal appearance in Hamburg (500) several weeks later, closing the season with a runner-up finish in Antwerp (250, l. Alexander Bublik). As a reward for his remarkable season, not only did he become the first qualifier for the NextGen Finals, but he also achieved a career-high ranking of 36 by the end of October.

2. Luca van Assche

Luca van Assche's reaction upon winning the longest Challenger final of the year in Pau Challenger (📸 Tennis.com)

Luca van Assche's point to create his match point to 5-3* 40-ad in the second set of the Sanremo Challenger final against Juan Pablo Varillas (left), and to 4-3* 15-0 in the second set of the Aix-en-Provence Challenger against Andy Murray (right) (📸 ATP Challenger Livestream)

After breaking through the Top 150 by the end of 2022, van Assche had a relatively slow start to the year until he became the runner-up of the Pau Challenger at the beginning of March, where he got defeated by a resurgent Ugo Humbert in a high-quality match that lasted almost 4 hours 7-6(5), 4-6, 7-6(6) in the finals. The form did not stop until he cracked the Top 100 for the first time upon advancing to the semifinals of the Sanremo Challenger but further confirmed it once he straightforwardly defeated Juan Pablo Varillas 6-1, 6-3 for the title.

After a different set of rollercoasters in the clay season, including a notable defeat to Andy Murray in the Aix-en-Provence Challenger, van Assche continued his season beyond Challengers, as he made it to the second round of Eastbourne (250) as a qualifier, got eliminated against J.J. Wolf 2-6, 7-6(5), 1-6. During the indoor season, he made more noise again in the Orleans Challenger, where he lost against the eventual runner-up Jack Draper 5-7, 3-6 in the semifinals. He then sealed his season with a quarterfinal loss against a comeback Pierre-Hugues Herbert 6-4, 3-6, 5-7, ranking 66th by the time of this writing right before the NextGen Finals.

3. Dominic Stricker

Dominic Stricker celebrated as he stunned Stefanos Tsitsipas in the US Open second round (📸 DAZN Germany via Getty Images)

Dominic Stricker's point to create one of his break points to 4-3* 40-ad in the second set of the finals of the first Prague Challenger against Sebastian Ofner (left, 📸 ATP Challenger Livestream) and also create one of his break points to *0-1 40-ad in the second set of the US Open third qualifying round against Thiago Agustin Tirante (right, 📸 Eurosport)

Despite his great potential being discovered last year (thus his NextGen Finals debut then), Stricker had to overcome several injuries and moments before he got to where he is today. Started the year straight to the Australian Open qualifying rounds, where he lost to Enzo Couacaud 7-6(2), 7-6(7) in one of the earliest Top 100 matches (when he was 18-19 lines away), he went on to win his second career Challenger title in Rovereto back in February (d. Giulio Zeppieri 7-6(8), 6-2), having won won his maiden Challenger title in Bergamo last year, followed by a home semifinal run in Lugano (l. Otto Virtanen). He then added Prague 1 Challenger to the list of the Challenger titles he won this year (d. Sebastian Ofner 7-6(7), 6-3), subsequently becoming a lucky loser in Roland Garros upon his third qualifying round loss against Thiago Agustin Tirante, which further asked the question on his ability to qualify for the Grand Slams due to the pressure moments he succumbed to during.

However, Stricker started steadily announcing himself on the bigger stage starting the grass season, steadily striking the ball more effectively and visibly improving during the pressure points/moments. Appeared competitive in the quarterfinals match of the Ilkley Challenger against Andy Murray despite the 6-7(5), 5-7 loss, and found himself qualified for Wimbledon after enduring a 4-set match against Mattia Bellucci in the third qualifying round. He then qualified for the US Open despite the subpar mini-clay season and build-up and asserted his revenge against Tirante (to whom he lost the final qualifying round in Roland Garros), successfully advancing to the fourth round in a competitive loss against Taylor Fritz after winning his third-round match against Benjamin Bonzi. Eventually, despite the end-of-season rollercoaster, his quarterfinal run in Basel (500) (l. Ugo Humbert) confirmed his Top 100 finish attained back in the US Open but unfortunately had to retire (for likely precautionary measures) in Ismaning Challenger at 7-6(2), 1-4 against Rudolf Molleker in hopes to be ready for his second NextGen Finals appearance.

4. Flavio Cobolli

Flavio Cobolli in action during Olbia Challenger (📸 OA Sport)

Flavio Cobolli's point to break 4-3 in the first set of the Roland Garros third qualifying round against Laurent Lokoli (left, 📸 France TV Sport), and to take the second set 6-4 during the Milan Challenger final against Facundo Diaz Acosta (right, 📸 ATP Challenger Livestream)

Trying to live up to his discovered potential last year thanks to his aggressive play (and often going deep on important occasions), Cobolli started his season with a second-round run in Pune (250), where he lost against Botic van de Zandschulp 5-7, 4-6. He then started to sparkle in Munich (250), where he ended up as a quarterfinalist (l. Christopher O’Connell), followed by a semifinal showing in Rome (Italy) Challenger (l. Jesper de Jong) and Milan Challenger (l. Facundo Diaz Acosta). In a similar timeframe (clay season, its extension, and Challenger’s own clay season), he also qualified for the Roland Garros, where he ended up being defeated by Carlos Alcaraz 0-6, 2-6, 5-7 in the first round. Fast-forward to the end of July, in almost the same tournament he finally got himself known in Umag (250), he became a quarterfinalist after the loss against Matteo Arnaldi in an all-Italian-NextGen showing.

He then continued his stellar showing in the clay Challengers, where he reached the semifinals in Tulln (l. Sumit Nagal) and won the title in a close encounter in Lisbon (d. Benjamin Hassan 7-5, 7-5), citing Cristiano Ronaldo as his title run inspiration during the post-finals press conference. Furthermore, outside of the clay-court Challengers, he still managed to maintain the streak in the Olbia Challenger, where he was out-paced by Titouan Droguet during the finals, hence his runner-up finish after a 3-6, 4-6 loss. After two early exits in Bergamo and Helsinki Challengers, both of which were indoor hard tournaments, Cobolli had a semifinal showing in Danderyd by defeating Gilles Arnaud Bailly in the first round 6-4, 6-1, advanced to the quarterfinals at the cost of Gauthier Onclin’s withdrawal before winning against Radu Albot 6-4, 7-6(5) in a close encounter that confirmed his NextGen Finals qualification, but was overwhelmed when dealing with eventual champion Maximilian Marterer’s serve+1s in the semifinal.

5. Alex Michelsen

Alex Michelsen in Newport, where he became the runner-up to Adrian Mannarino (📸 ATP Tour)

Alex Michelsen's point to break 2-0 in the second set of the Rome, GA Challenger quarterfinals against Edan Leshem (top left), to take the second set 6-1 in the second Cary Challenger second round against Strong Kirchheimer (top right), and to *2-3 30-30 in the first set of the Knoxville Challenger second round against Gabriel Debru (bottom) (📸 ATP Challenger Livestream).

Starting the year precisely at World No. 600, A. Michelsen’s rise started in the Rome, Georgia (USA) Challenger in February, where he became the runner-up to Jordan Thompson 4-6, 2-6 right after becoming the runner-up of the ITF M25 Malibu (Jan 2) and winning the ITF M15 Edmond, Oklahoma (Jan 23), followed by a semifinal showing in Waco Challenger a week after Rome, GA, which earned him the wild card to the Indian Wells M1000 qualifying (l. Leandro Riedi in Q1). After another solid showing in the ITFs (including a runner-up in M25 Calabasas-Mar 20), A. Michelsen started to get out of his comfort zone and tried the Nottingham Challenger in the grass courts of the United Kingdom (l. Gabriel Diallo in R2 6-3, 5-7, 2-6 as a qualifier) and had a competitive appearance in Mallorca (250) as a qualifier (l. Christopher Eubanks in R1 3-6, 7-6(5), 5-7) before winning his maiden Challenger title in Chicago (d. Yuta Shimizu 7-5, 6-2), further strengthening his explosive and intuitive play as the year progressed.

A week after his Chicago Challenger title, he became a runner-up in the grass courts of Newport (250), where Adrian Mannarino eventually won 6-2, 6-4 and after notably defeating Maxime Cressy, James Duckworth, Mackenzie McDonald, and John Isner from the first round until the semifinals. However, the next few tournaments became tricky with the Top 100 in sight, including a semifinal loss against eventual champion Zachary Svajda in the Cary 2 Challenger. He then got his rewards to finally enter the Top 100 for the first time after winning the Knoxville Challenger title, when he survived four three-setters in five rounds, defeating Denis Kudla 7-5, 4-6, 6-2 as the pinnacle, solidified his position by defeating Bernard Tomic 6-4, 6-0 in the Champaign Challenger’s first round in a rematch of their last week’s close encounter in Knoxville. Ultimately, A. Michelsen became the runner-up of the Champaign Challenger to Patrick Kypson, where he confirmed his NextGen Finals participation, as well as his Australian Open 2024 main draw direct entry likelihood thanks to his Top 100 year-end finish, landing at 94 live.

6. Hamad Medjedovic

Hamad Medjedovic celebrated after defeating Jiri Lehecka in Astana (250) for the biggest win in his career (by then) (📸 ATP Tour via Kazakhstan Tennis Federation)

Hamad Medjedovic's point to 6-5* 15-30 in the second set of the Bengaluru Challenger semifinal against Max Purcell (top left, 📸 ATP Challenger Livestream), to create the break point to *0-1 40-ad in the second qualifying round of Roland Garros against Juan Manuel Cerundolo (top right, 📸 France TV Sport), and to 6-5* 15-0 in the third set of the Danderyd Challenger second round against Jakub Mensik (bottom, 📸 ATP Challenger)

Medjedovic came a long way after his rise last year, winning the Luedenscheid Challenger 2022 by double-breadsticking Zhizhen Zhang, steadily answering the doubt on whether or not he’s breaking even, even if he has Novak Djokovic’s support. After having a slow start to the season (and an even slower second semester of 2022), he started having deep runs in the Bengaluru Challenger, where he was eliminated in the semifinal against eventual champion Max Purcell 2-6, 7-5, 6-7(4). However, he then started his stellar Challenger clay season with a title in Szekesfehervar Challenger (d. Nino Serdarusic 6-4, 6-3), followed by another title in Mauthausen (d. Filip Misolic 6-2, 6-7(5), 6-4) in a rain-ridden dramatic match. To top it off, he qualified for the Roland Garros and Wimbledon but got eliminated against Marcos Giron and Christopher O’Connell in the first round, respectively.

Trying to rise the ranks to the main Tour, he followed those up by having several great runs in the 250s and the Challengers in the second half of 2023, carried by his powerful serve and forehands when they are on (and occasionally, drop shots and volleys to add to his intuitive play). He started with a semifinal run in Gstaad as a qualifier (l. Pedro Cachin 3-6, 1-6, with a notable win against Dominic Thiem in the second round in a rematch of their Mauthausen Challenger semifinal encounter, as well as winning the Mallorca Challenger (d. Harold Mayot 6-2, 4-6, 6-2). He topped those runs off with a semifinal run in Astana (250) (l. Sebastian Korda, with some notable wins against Alexander Shevchenko and Jiri Lehecka in the second round and quarterfinals, respectively) despite the early exits in the last 3 250-level tournaments (Antwerp (250) R1, Basel (500) Q1, and Sofia (250) R1). Subsequently, after defeating Stefano Travaglia 6-4, 6-3 in a chaotic first-round match, he was defeated by fellow up-and-coming NextGen player Jakub Mensik 4-6, 7-6(2), 7-6(8) in the second round, having his 3 match points saved, 2 of them in the second set and one when he should have served for the match. Recognizing his tremendous potential through his aggressive gameplay and often reliable serves, while his usual rollercoaster could be expected, it all depended on his intuition in handling the point construction within the longer rallies if he could not keep it short.

7. Luca Nardi

Luca Nardi won the Porto Challenger title in August this year, gifting himself his birthday present after three hard-fought sets (📸 ATP Tour via Porto Open)

Luca Nardi's point to 6-5* 0-15 in the third set of the Pune Challenger semifinal against Dominik Palan (left) and to take the third set 7-5 in Kobe Challenger against August Holmgren (right) (📸 ATP Challenger Livestream)

Another name with potential being further discovered since last year is Luca Nardi, who answered the doubts coming from his sloppy start of the year by making strides toward the end of the year, thus rewarded with NextGen Finals qualification. He exited in early rounds in the first one-two months of the calendar before reaching the finals of the Pune Challenger, where he became the runner-up to a red-hot Max Purcell 3-6, 2-6. The rollercoaster then continued to the clay season, where he was remembered for being double-bageled by Lorenzo Musetti during the second round as a qualifier during the Monte Carlo M1000, as well as advancing to at least the quarterfinals in several Challengers, notably in Vicenza (l. Pablo Llamas Ruiz) and Milan (l. Matteo Gigante).

Realizing the whole rollercoaster, L. Nardi’s more offensive approach to complement his defenses and return depth started to pay off in Porto Challenger back in August, where he pulled a comeback win against Joao Sousa 5-7, 6-4, 6-1 as a sweet birthday present he gifted himself. Since then, his trajectory has gone back on track by being the semifinalist of the Bratislava 2 Challenger (l. Joris de Loore) and finally took the title in the Matsuyama Challenger in another comeback fashion (d. Taro Daniel 3-6, 6-4, 6-2), securing his NextGen Finals place after his second-round victory in the Kobe Challenger just to start the week (d. August Holmgren 6-3, 3-6, 7-5) before falling to Sho Shimabukuro to the semifinals, showing that his decision to partake in the Japanese Challenger swing paid off for his almost last-minute qualification.

8. Abdullah Shelbayh [WC]

Abdullah Shelbayh during his first-round match in Doha (250) (📸 The Hindu via Abdullah Shelbayh's Instagram post)

Abdullah Shelbayh's point to *5-2 40-40 (one of the break points saves) in the second set of the second-round Tenerife 3 Challenger match against Ryan Peniston (top left), to break 5-2 in the second set of the Manama Challenger semifinal against Salvatore Caruso (top right), and to *0-0 40-ad (second break point) in the Charleston Challenger final against Oliver Crawford (bottom) (📸 ATP Challenger Livestream)

Hailing from Jordan and training in Rafa Nadal Academy under Princess Lara Faisal’s Rise for Good Foundation, Shelbayh exceptionally started the season as a runner-up of the ITF M25 Manacor against Daniel Rincon (Jan 23) in a marathon match to start his positive semester after his remarkable rise kicked off in the second semester of 2022, from winning ITF M25 Monastir on two occasions (Jul 18 & Aug 22, 2022) before closing that year by winning ITF M15 Trnava (Dec 5) against Daniel Rincon, several months after securing his Challenger debut with a semifinal appearance (l. Zizou Bergs, but notably d. 1st seed Dominic Stricker in the first round). The only way was up, which he proved throughout the 2023 season by reaching the second round in Tenerife 3 Challenger as a qualifier (l. Ryan Peniston), ultimately becoming the runner-up in his maiden Challenger final in Manama (l. Thanasi Kokkinakis). He backed this up with his maiden ATP Tour main draw appearance in Doha as a wild card despite the first-round loss against Soonwoo Kwon.

He kept gaining experience as the year passed by from the aforementioned raw potential, making a last-minute decision to partake in the Banja Luka qualification rounds, stunning then-have not broken out (yet) Fabian Marozsan and Lukas Klein in both qualifying rounds before defeating Elias Ymer 6-1, 7-5 in the first round to record his maiden Tour-level victory (as well as becoming the first Jordanian to win a main Tour match) but was eliminated in the hands of Miomir Kecmanovic. He also qualified for the Mallorca (250) event on grass (l. Roman Safiullin in the first round) and went on to win his maiden Challenger title in Charleston (d. Oliver Crawford 6-2, 6-7(5), 6-3), also becoming the first Jordanian Challenger-level champion. His sparkling rise continued through Metz (250) as a qualifier (d. Dan Added & Gijs Brouwer in the qualifying rounds), shocking Hugo Gaston 7-6(5), 6-2 before Lorenzo Sonego defeated him 3-6, 5-7 despite his competitive efforts. Aided by his often impressive point construction (as displayed), when he is on, not only rewarded him his career-high ranking of 187 (attained Nov 20, 2023) but also a wild card to this year’s NextGen Finals as the regional (Middle Eastern) representative.

[londonhalcyon]

Chapter Update

Who’s ready?

A little over a week late, but here’s my celebration of the three-year anniversary of The Mad Witch:

Chapter 36: Et Culpa Tua Est

Thanks to everyone who has been with me up to this point, whether you’re a new reader or have been here since the beginning. We’re only just getting started. 

Obligatory chapter preview:

* * * *

Chapter 36: Et Culpa Tua Est

I woke up to the sound of laughter. Pip was gone. Pale light gathered around the edges of the curtains. Behind them, the sun had not yet sunk below the rooftops, the shadows still lengthening across the buildings and street. An hour or two before sunset, perhaps. How quiet and motionless the village looked. 

A small crowd had taken over the flat. In the kitchen, Mrs. Byrne waved a wooden spoon at her husband, who was bent over the stove. The back of his rounded shoulders and white-haired head blocked whatever was in the pan, but the room smelled overwhelmingly of garlic and onions.

“Trust the process,” Mr. Byrne was saying.

Mrs. Byrne scolded, “You’re using too much garlic.”

“There is no such thing,” Mr. Byrne said. 

Penny and Conall laughed at them from the sofa, Penny tucked snuggly under Conall’s arm. On the cushioned chair, Rosmerta had buried her face in her hands, unable to watch the apparent disaster in the making. Pip sat by Mrs. Byrne’s heels, more interested in the spoon being waved about than the food in her bowl. 

Mrs. Byrne smiled at me as I shuffled out of my room. “I’m sorry, dear. Did we wake you?”

I was in the clothes I had slept in. My body felt so heavy; I hadn’t bothered to change. “It’s fine,” I said, stifling a yawn. “I might’ve slept a month if you hadn’t.”

Penny extracted herself from Conall’s arm to give me a hug. She was warm, and her wool cardigan was soft, and I held onto her harder than I meant to. “Lily,” she said quietly, once I had convinced myself to release her, “I’m so sorry. I was downright useless last night.”

“What do you mean? No, you weren’t.”

“Towards the end—”

“You reacted how any sane person would. Doesn’t make you useless.”

She nodded, her jaw locked in place. My throat abruptly tightened. We hugged again, tightly, until whatever voiceless feeling we had needed to brace against had passed. 

When Penny returned to the sofa, Rosmerta gave up her chair for me and moved to the table instead. I sank into the cushion, weirdly out of place on the soft seat. I fidgeted, unable to get comfortable. 

Conall folded his arm back around Penny and kissed her temple. She rested her head on his shoulder. In the kitchen, Mrs. Byrne slid her hand down her husband’s back to give him a playful pinch. With an exclamation of mock outrage, he promptly returned the gesture. 

Something clawed and fluttery had crawled between my ribs, as if I had swallowed a fairy. Too anxious for the cushion, I joined Rosmerta at the table. 

Rosmerta gave me a forced smile as I took the chair beside her. “You don’t have to keep me company,” she said. “I’m okay by myself.”

I said, “I’m not.”

I didn’t look to see her expression, were it to be pity or sympathy or something else. She patted my hand and let me sit with her, which was enough. 

They stayed until the sun went down. After an hour of warm food and more laughter, the fog over me lifted somewhat. I could almost ignore what hung in the air, no longer glowing emerald green, but lingering. The Byrnes ensured Penny and I were well-fed, with enough meals left over to last the entire week. Mrs. Byrne promised to bring a pie the next day, and Rosmerta offered to bring over her homebrewed cider. They refused to hear that it might be too much, and they left without taking no for an answer. 

After their departure, Conall stepped out to check on his dad, leaving Penny and me alone. The moment the flat got quiet, I realized there was no such thing as “too much.” Not when the silence felt so much worse. 

Penny turned the wireless on and got to work cleaning the already clean kitchen. I finally got dressed and brushed my teeth. It was almost 10 pm. 

Penny frowned at me as I laced up my boots by the fireplace. “Lily,” she said, uncertain. 

“Don’t wait up,” I said. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

I waited until Conall returned before I stepped through the fire. No one deserved to spend this night alone. 

[notkeepittogether]

Talking about Making Space

i dubbed this a concept album when i made it, but i think i misunderstood the definition at the time. i’d written a handful of songs during the year, which i had intended to release as an EP or an album, but most of the demos i had remained unfinished, even by december.

all of these songs are about my time in san francisco, over my birthday & also the christmas period in 2021. the plan was to go for my birthday, meet up with my friends, and have a silly time together. you may remember the great resurgence of covid cases that occurred in november/december of that year, which definitely plays a part in this. but keep in mind i had booked my flight in june.

admittedly, it was a stupid idea to plan a meetup with internet friends you made during lockdown, only a matter of months after said lockdown measures had been slightly relaxed. it was june and i’d figured things would be much better with the rate that things seemed to be improving and opening back up again. i had managed to avoid catching the dreaded illness up until that point, and i’d confidently gone in to take my fit-to-fly covid test two days before. but the night before my flight, my mum took a test of her own amidst coming down with what seemed to be a heavy cold, and when she called for me up the stairs with a panicked voice, i knew exactly what she was going to tell me.

i was faced with a tough decision. i hadn’t yet received the results of my fit-to-fly test but i realised i was potentially about to receive what i deemed would be earth-shattering news. i went to my dad’s place to spend the night and hopefully avoid catching the virus (if i hadn’t caught it already), mere hours before my flight. i told my friends that there was a chance i wouldn’t be able to make it, but even if my test was negative, there was still a chance that i had caught it and was still in the incubation stages.

we decided as a group that if the test was negative, it was probably better to just risk it and go anyway, rather than waste all the money i had already spent on getting there and staying there. so when the test came back negative, i went.

as you can probably guess from all this buildup, two days into the trip i developed my first covid symptom, and two days after that, i tested positive. i wasn’t the only one, though. we hadn’t thought in depth about what would happen if we weren’t able to get the negative tests we needed to get home. we had to extend the trip to accommodate for the ten day isolation period and to also let enough time pass by that we could produce negative tests again. this meant having to relocate to a smaller airbnb where we’d stay for christmas. what ensued during this period of isolation was what you might expect from four ill, stir-crazy, homesick people who had to spend christmas in a place with one bedroom in it. i won’t go into detail about what exactly happened, though - that’s what the album is for.

the album is the aftermath. the impact of this trip was still fresh in my mind and on my body as i had flown home on december 29th with seemingly worse symptoms than i’d had when i was actually sick with the virus. a delayed reaction (and probably a result of not sleeping for 36 hours on the journey home) with my lungs has flared up my asthma at the worst it had ever been. i was basically bedridden for the two weeks following my arrival home. i was feeling a lot of things, too. i had so many regrets - things i hadn’t said or done while with the people i was convinced i’d probably never see again, things i had said or done that i felt i had no control over at the time while my brain was at mercy to sickness and discomfort, making the decision to go while knowing the risks and bringing everyone down with me.

EDIT: we were also drunk for a lot of the time. i think that’s worth mentioning.

now, almost two years later, i don’t regret anything. (well, maybe some things.)

1. Making Space

this one’s very blatant in its lyricism. we, or at least i, was going completely stir crazy in this airbnb that had one bedroom in it. i was hating myself pretty intensely both during and after all of this had happened. i was rejecting the affection of all of my friends.

2. The Art of Texting

the year preceding this trip hadn’t been easy. i found myself seeking comfort in my friends who were willing to let me completely lean on them, so long as i let them do the same with me. this resulted in some unhealthy codependency that, despite the implications, i still look back on somewhat positively. how do you convey your deepest feelings to someone when all you can do is text or call them? (miscommunicate).

3. Understand (All the Best)

i came home feeling like i was broken. i had strong feelings, but they felt like the wrong feelings, and i regretted not letting myself get fully comfortable around the only people i’d ever been comfortable with.

4. Dunes

i believe it was on boxing day that i had finally had enough of being indoors. a friend and i went on a long walk down a nearby beach, at night, where we shared airpods (until they died) and listened to music out of a phone speaker (until it died) while walking up and down and climbing some of the sand dunes that had formed. it was the most peaceful i felt the entire time i was there.

the image for the album art was taken on this walk.

5. Are We Alright?

mainly focused on the aftermath of this trip - i had a lot i needed to fix once i got home. guilt was not enough. i was unthinkably cold. i had to wear gloves in my room.

6. New Year

written about the year of 2021 as a whole, and what i went through with my friends. i used this song as a general outlet for my deep desire to repair a friendship that i’d fucked up. i think it helped.

7. Bad at Talking

every single friendship i had was in a state of disrepair after this trip. i wasn’t entirely sure what everyone thought of me after meeting me in person for the first time and then immediately seeing me at my worst.

8. Late Again

i was feeling inadequate as a long distance friend, and also inadequate to fulfil life’s basic expectations of me. i wish i remembered the exact intentions i had as i was writing this. but the stuff about missing my train and being thirty minutes late to class actually happened.

9. Twin Beds

on my last night in san francisco, my friend and i shared a twin hotel room. it was the first time in a week that i had my own bed to sleep on. he floated the idea of sharing a bed and i thought it was both funny and outrageous.

i flew home the next morning, but two of my friends were hit with an endless stream of complications. one had such extreme delays due to weather that he missed his layover and had to spend an extra night away from home. the other found out that canada’s covid policies were different to that of the us and uk. they had to spend an extra two weeks(?) in san francisco, by themselves. i felt bad about how relieved i was to be at home while they still had not made it. part of me, now, wished i had stayed.

10. All the Best / Goodnight

reading these lyrics back, i’m transported back into the toxic mindset i was stuck in for a while after i returned home. i was struggling with a lot of self hatred, for a whole plethora of reasons, and i spent a lot of time wishing nobody knew me or thought of me at all now that i was painfully aware that people knew me and were thinking of me.

i still write songs about this experience today. i need to stop, but honestly it somewhat shaped me into the person i am now, unlocking desires and urges i didn’t know i had.

[jannwrites]

tv show ask meme : GUILLERMO DEL TORO’S CABINET OF CURIOSITIES (2022). (1/2)

a selection of lines from the horror anthology cabinet of curiosities. modified slightly for rp purposes.

LOT 36.

for some reason, they leave it all behind.

it’s bad luck for them, but good luck for you.

sometimes we roll up the door praying for a big score only to find a pile of shit on the other side.

may he rest in peace up there, down there, or wherever he may be.

you've gotta give me some room.

before we get to that, i wanna show you something.

remember, i'm the one tipped you off.

i'm sorry for your troubles, but they're not mine.

i said, i hope you rot in hell!

don't be a hypocrite like everyone else.

how the fսck do you bring that into every conversation?

i'll take all the losses. but now it's my turn.

you're not the only one that feels fսckеd.

don't be hostile with your big, weird eyes, and your bloody head.

i hate to disabuse you on your relative notion of good and evil, but this man knew and did evil on a scale almost absolute.

something tells me you traffic in the wrong, feisty side yourself there.

now we'll find out why he came here every day.

follow my precise instructions, please.

if anything not from the natural world is found on the other side of this threshold, i have one piece of advice for you. do not make eye contact with it, do not speak with it.

it will be greedy for it, hungry. do you understand.

see, it took her face as a way in.

GRAVEYARD RATS.

i am the steward of this garden of remembrance from which you've so brazenly thieved.

nothing to say for yourself?

are you aware that the very foundations of society are built on the respectful interment of the dead?

we stopped being apes when we dug our first graves.

as you can see, i'm at my wits' end.

i told you never to come here.

i need to know if you've got anything promising.

you don't understand, this is a matter of life or death.

how many times have i assisted you in the past?

i pray you don't one day count yourself among them.

forgive me, but he seems almost alive.

long is the way and hard, that out of hell leads up to light.

he'll only be in the ground for a few hours before I reach him.

such a touching epitaph will remain with him forever.

that's how you're gonna beat them.

i will commit my heart to you and only you!

THE AUTOPSY.

you're gonna kill us! are you fսcking crazy?

why don’t you tell me what’s going on?

what am i gonna find?

i think i'm cursed.

the innocent get punished and everything is just dust.

from the bottom of my heart, you're not that special.

who are you to claim special qualities of sin from the rest of us?

well, open it! what are you waiting for?

this wasn't animal work. it was knife work.

you got me confused with some other body.

you either had too much or not enough, my friend.

i'll take you if you want to go as soon as we get through with this mess.

you've made your peace with this thing, then?

we're all on the same conveyor belt, [name]. some of us fall off a bit sooner than the rest, but...we're all heading for the same destination.

i'm having crazy thoughts with this thing.

are you sure you're up to this?

i apologize for the indignity, my friend. if it's any comfort, i'm right behind you.

forgive me, friend. my curiosity necessitates opening you up.

death was your escape.

we must not be understood.

put down the knife.

oh, fret not. you will understand what devours you.

come, let me rid you of it. i will love you.

you're going to use your puppet there to pluck you out.

i know what i can and cannot cut.

you are truly self-deluded.

you're nothing but a thief and murderer. a parasite. you're pathetic.

your arrogance makes you stupid.

[name] knew you'd be blind and deaf once you were out of him, you sadistic bastard.

you are in your new home, but you won't be occupying it for long.

THE OUTSIDE.

did you see anyone?

what if someone's in the house?

get some sleep, hon, okay?

she's on xanax 24/7 now.

oh, hey. i didn't know you were still here.

i thought you hated those women.

oh, what do you mean, "someone like you"?

i mean, we already know what everybody wants.

he's not gonna hurt ya.

sorry i ruined everything.

well, you're sensitive.

it's just me. i have a bad face. a stupid, ugly, bad face.

you're talking to me. i can give you the brand-new you, and that's not all. i can give you peace of mind.

you have a lot of healing to do, [name].

there's nothin' wrong with you. nothin' at all.

everybody likes you. everybody wants to talk to you.

come closer. closer. come, let me see your progress.

does it hurt when they exclude you? when they stare at you? when they point and laugh and whisper?

you want to know what it feels like to be pretty?

it's already growing, right there, under your skin. 

i'll come down, but please don't say anything, because i already know what you're gonna say.

why can't you just be excited for me, huh?

you don’t need to be fixed.

you gotta put your worries down sometimes.

then why do i want to take off all of my skin and throw it in the garbage?

[jinyuwintravels]

📍 Buscalan Village, Tinglayan, Kalinga

🗓️ May 14, 2022

❓ I first learned about Whang-Od when I was still in college, maybe around 2007-08. I have always been fascinated but I have no plans to get a tattoo yet. From what I've heard, it's not very hygienic to get a "batok" tattoo. They said Whang-od uses the same "thorn" for everyone in line and only changes when it breaks. Aside from this, the road from the Buscalan drop-off to Whang-od's village is very difficult to traverse because of the steepness of the cliffs and the area being underdeveloped.

Fast forward to 2022, also because of the pandemic, I'm thinking about a lot of things that might never happen, and one of them is getting a tattoo from Whang-od. At that time, she was said to be 105 years old although this is debated.

I already have one tattoo, a machine tattoo, and for me it's time for a new tattoo (queue Urbandub). So I joined a tour to "Buscalan", which took around 14 hours from Manila. We arrived early morning, around 4am but they said we couldn't go to the village yet because it was dangerous to hike at dawn. So we waited for the sunrise before going up, actually, we went down and then went up.

Just to share, I just came from my work shift and haven't slept yet. I didn't get to sleep in the car either. I also didn't have breakfast before climbing. So when we were going up, the hike was supposed to be relatively easy, maybe 30 minutes. When we got close to the village, maybe 100 steps, I got a little dizzy haha. So I sat down for a while and rested. I was accompanied by a guide and the other climbers also helped. Someone gave me candy, someone picked any leaf from the side and rubbed it on my head.

Anyway, moving on. Per our tour guides, the area is now better developed, having a new path that is much easier to go through. There are portions of the walkways that are cemented, metal railings here and there, and a nice little bridge way. We arrived at the transient around 7am and Whang-od hadn't started tattooing yet. She would start at around 8am. They sell thorns at the transient which is used for the batok tattoo and it is individually required, which is good. So no more sharing thorns, and it also serves as a souvenir. It costs 100 each. While waiting to get a tattoo from Whang-od, you can get a tattoo from other artists and they will even come to your transient.

I chose a crab tattoo which symbolizes a "traveler". The artist ran the tattoo 3 times so yes, it is 3 times as painful too. But it did not prepare me for the pain Whang-od's tattoo would bring. She hits hard haha.

When Whang-od started around 8am, we took a peek at her. We also took pictures to see the vibe of the place. She would start with the previous day's "leftovers". So since it was Saturday, she prioritized those that were not finished on Friday. When we peeked at Whang-od, we also saw that there were white boards where the number of vans, names of the guides and how many pax were listed.

There were 24 cars on Friday, and 36 on Saturday. So let's say there are 10 pax in a car, that's a total of 360. At least 360 people want to get tattoos. So good luck to the "day trippers" because if you get to the village late, they will not be able to accommodate you.

It was around lunchtime when we got in line for Whang-od and the tattoo was quick. She only makes 3 dots design but with the number of people in line, you can see and feel that she is tired.

When it was my turn, I chose the 3 dots to be placed on the side of my wrist. For me, the machine tattoo hurts more than the "batok". But compared to the crab tattoo pain, Whang-od's whip hurts more. We all noticed that even though the thorn is still stuck in your flesh, she will hit you again. That's what hurts, but the whole tattoo session only took 2 minutes.

Whang-od's 3 dots only costs 150. 500 on the crab. The tour fee is 3,300 including the van and transient, as well as food, yes, food as in breakfast lunch dinner on Saturday, and breakfast on Sunday. I just bought a T-shirt for 350. I would have liked to buy coffee (delicious promise), and keychains or magnets but I don't have any cash left (no data signal so no gcash).

⁉️ After a tattoo from Whang-od, you can do whatever you want. So we went to the rice fields or terraces, walked around the village, and took pictures.

We drank on Saturday night, and then after Sunday's breakfast, we left Buscalan. There is a little side trip to Benguet and Baguio. The term "core memory" is trending and this is one of my entries. Life in Buscalan is very simple. It's also good that sometimes you are disconnected from the internet and social media and away from your daily routines because while it may be tiring for the body, it is very fulfilling for the soul.

[mysteriouslyjollyheart]

What is shame? Here's the definition.

shame

noun

ˈshām

a painful emotion caused by

consciousness of guilt, shortcoming

por impropriety

the susceptibility to such emotion

have you no shame?

a condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute : IGNOMINY

the shame of being arrested

something that brings censure or reproach

also : something to be regretted : PITY

it's a shame you can't go

a cause of feeling shame

shame

verb

shamed; shaming

transitive verb

to bring shame to : DISGRACE

shamed the family name

to put to shame by outdoing

to cause to feel shame

to force by causing to feel guilty

shamed into confessing

Shame is cruel. Shame can come from sexual abuse, abuse, sexual assault and being made fun of. Many people have been affected by this. Many feel guilt and shame because of incidents in their life. Alot of people are affected by trauma while growing up, childhood trauma. It's said that things we experienced early on, are the hardest to get over and the last thing we let go.

Jesus was mocked, spit on, flogged and beaten.

He knew shame and despised it. He didn’t hide his face from it. He could've called for help but He took it. He bore our shame on the cross.

Isaiah 50:6

6 I gave my back to the smiters, and my cheeks to them that plucked off the hair: I hid not my face from shame and spitting.

Depictions of Jesus on the cross are not accurate. Jesus did not have a loincloth. He hung exposed for everyone to see. Shame exposed to everyone that passed by Him.

The guards sat and watched Him hang naked for 3 hours.

Matthew 27:27-36

27 Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus into the common hall, and gathered unto him the whole band of soldiers.

28 And they stripped him, and put on him a scarlet robe.

29 And when they had platted a crown of thorns, they put it upon his head, and a reed in his right hand: and they bowed the knee before him, and mocked him, saying, Hail, King of the Jews!

30 And they spit upon him, and took the reed, and smote him on the head.

31 And after that they had mocked him, they took the robe off from him, and put his own raiment on him, and led him away to crucify him.

32 And as they came out, they found a man of Cyrene, Simon by name: him they compelled to bear his cross.

33 And when they were come unto a place called Golgotha, that is to say, a place of a skull,

34 They gave him vinegar to drink mingled with gall: and when he had tasted thereof, he would not drink.

35 And they crucified him, and parted his garments, casting lots: that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet, They parted my garments among them, and upon my vesture did they cast lots.

36 And sitting down they watched him there;

Jesus was exposed three times

28- They stripped Him and put on a scarlet robe.

31- They took the robe off from him,

put his own raiment on him.

35- They divided his clothing among them.

Jesus despised the shame.

Hebrews 12:2

2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

The opposite of shame is glory.

He shares with us His Glory.

In bringing many sons unto glory

He bore our shame so we wouldn't have shame.

Hebrews 2:10

10 For it became him, for whom are all things, and by whom are all things, in bringing many sons unto glory, to make the captain of their salvation perfect through sufferings.

So not only did Jesus bear our sins and our sickness, he also bore our shame.

Amy

[evermorehqs]

CATCHING MY BREATH, STARING OUT AN OPEN WINDOW

Mason Reed is based on The Mayor from The Nightmare Before Christmas. He is a 36 year old human, mayor of Evermore, and uses he/him pronouns. He has no powers. Mason is portrayed by Aaron Tveit and he is taken.

CATCHING MY DEATH, AND I COULDN’T BE SURE

Mason Reed wasn’t the first choice for mayor, trust us. In fact, he wasn’t even sure himself how he made the list of candidates he didn’t remember signing up for, much less won the whole election. It was a job that Mason didn’t feel all that ready for. Sure, he had been a part of the town’s council for quite some time now, but being the spokesperson of Evermore? It was such a huge responsibility that it made Mason’s already anxious tendencies go haywire. Being in charge of any town was hard enough. Being in charge of a town where random people seemed to appear out of mid-air with no recollection of how they’d gotten there... unspeakable. Impossible, even. In the end, though, he took the position because he respected the citizens of Evermore and didn’t want to let them down. Besides, he only really had to make public appearances and speeches, and do a little bit of paperwork. Mason’s goal was to have a peaceful town where anyone and everyone can feel safe in, even with the lingering confusion and suspicions. So while the position still tends to make Mason nervous every once and awhile, it’s a job that suits him quite well. He enjoys the socialization and the event planning, going all out for the holidays, any excuse he can find to bring fun activities to the public, and he’s grown quite fond of the good publicity. However he knows if anything shocking or awful happens within in the town’s vicinity... it’s Mason’s reputation on the line.

I HAD A FEELING SO PECULIAR

❀ Jack Skellington: Such a help he is! If Mason ever needs someone, Jack is the first guy he calls. Jack is good at keeping the towns morale up, especially during the holidays. That man can plan the most extravagant parties and parades you’ve ever seen. ❀ Barbara Roberts: She may be his favorite person... ever. She always knows the perfect skincare routines to take the edge off -- Lord knows Mason needs some help relaxing -- and he could gossip with her for hours. ❀ Jack Frost: A Jack that Mason can’t help but be suspicious of. He’s heard whispers that everyone in Evermore isn’t human, spirits and werewolves and vampires lurking about, and he brushes them off as it’s ridiculous thinking! But sometimes, he wonders...

THAT THIS PAIN WOULD BE FOR EVERMORE

[boringbodywithacrazymind]

With God's mercy and grace, He blessed me with a healthy baby boy. November, 25th, 2022, I found two pink lines on a home pregnancy test that started my rainbow baby journey. On 07/19/2023 I thought my water broke in the shower around 6 AM. Dad took me to Lodi Memorial hospital where the nurse confirmed at 7 am that I was only 2cm dilated and to go home and come back once the contractions are worse, and a contraction that lasts minute within 4-5 minutes of each other. I was really feeling the contractions and had to wait in the waiting room of the hospital for my husband since he had a doctor's appointment that morning. Every contraction I would stand up, rock myself, breathe, watch labour videos, and sleep. Eventually hubby came and picked me up around 11 AM, and went home. I decided to speed up the process by sleeping. Hubby and I napped until around 2/3 PM where I told hubby we need to go to the EDD office to fix my maternity leave. I kept breathing, bending over, rocking, and walking while waiting to be called and boy did it take forever. Everyone was getting nervous and ready to call the ambulance cause they said I was about to give birth in the office LOL. I persevered and went back home. Not even an hour or so later; after all different type of positions to relieve the pain, I finally broke down crying and begged hubby to bring in. At this point, I was shaking, crying, and bending over at the pain, discomfort, and contractions. I never cry so I can only imagine how my hubby felt when he saw as such. The nurse was even surprised because I was not my bubbly self at all; to come and find out I was already 6cm dilated. I quickly told her I am ready for an epidural. The anesthesiologist who inserted my epidural was impressed at how much I stayed still for him that the nurse was like "did he start yet?". (inner laugh at memory). Once medicated I was able to lay down and booooyyyyyyyy did the meds kick in and I was back to cracking jokes and laughing with my nurses. Doctor and anesthesiologist Doctor continued to come in and out checking on me and artifically broke my water. I was texting everyone and anyone who was loving me and my little family. Around 7/8 PM or so I FaceTimed my CMC friends and they were all excited to see the little man, but as soon as I started talking to them my nurse said I could start pushing since I was 10 cm dilated. I hung up the phone and with a couple pushes and 30 minutes later, Ricardo "Richie" Santos Cepeda Jr. was born: 8:36 PM by Dr. Escalona weighing in at 8 lbs 7 oz, 20 in length. Now he's a whopping 2 months old, holding in at 13.05 lbs, 22.5 inches long. I kept this pregnancy on the down low because I couldn't fathom losing this baby too (10/18/22). But definitely the love we received was nothing, but overwhelming and I couldn't be more thankful. Thankful to God for a healthy baby, safe delivery, and surrounding me and my lil family with people who love us unconditionally.

[ferociousregard]

𝑻𝒐 𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒏 𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 ; letting down your guard.

Raquel Velasco was one strong, independent woman. She had been raised by a single mother and had been taught to fend for herself, whilst embracing everyone around her. She had been taught to be proud of her Colombian roots and her culture and to never pass judgement on anyone. She was strong minded, with a heart of gold but relationships quickly changed that for anyone and unfortunately, Raquel was no exception to that rule.

Since the age of 18, Raquel had been in and out of relationships with men and women. She didn’t label her sexuality and just loved where she could, but she never fully let her guard down. None of her relationships were serious until she met a man named Daniel Newman at the age of 27. She had never found anyone that she wanted to share a life with before she had met him but for Daniel, she fell hard.

She allowed herself to drop her guard and be vulnerable around him. He was a beautiful soul who knew how to treat a lady right. She discovered what true love was supposed to feel like and that was thanks to Daniel. He was patient and kind and loved her like no other relationship had done before but after 3 years of being together, something happened which threw a spanner in the works. She discovered that she was pregnant which was unplanned and knowing how everything happened with her mother, she was scared the same would happen again here.

Daniel didn’t beat Raquel like Harley had done to Carolina. No, he calmly spoke through their options with her and as a couple, they decided to have the baby. Raquel was excited to become a mother as she spent all day bringing children into the world at her job but from the moment the pregnancy started progressing, she could sense something was wrong. She was damn good at her job and knew that something wasn’t right but no doctor listened to her. She was admitted to hospital 2 months before her son was due and gave birth to a boy named Camilo Velasco-Newman but just hours after his arrival, he took his last breath in her arms. 

Losing him took a heavy toll on Raquel and a month after Camilo’s passing, Daniel left her. She shut herself down to relationships and decided that kids were also now an enemy to her which made doing her job very difficult. At age 36, she transferred to Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital in the hopes of a new start and began working closely with a peds surgeon, @euphoricprecision​.

Arizona was great and Raquel liked working with her but a year after starting her job at GSMH, Arizona approached her in a bar one night and the two started a very casual relationship. Raquel didn’t want anything more but as time passed, Arizona started to have real feelings for Raquel. She tried to open up more about her life and daughter but Raquel shut her down and then at 38 years old, something happened that opened that flood gate.

It looked like a normal day in the hospital. Raquel had been working hard all morning and as afternoon approached quickly, she realised just how hungry she was. She was on her way out of the ward when the doors flew open and in rolled a patient that seemed all too familiar. Sofia was being rolled into the hospital and the only reason that Raquel knew who this was is because of the photos that Arizona had of Sofia in her house. She noticed them, but had never met the girl before.

Raquel sprung into action, gathering her best team to get Sofia settled whilst she quickly pulled out her phone and dialled Arizona’s number. It was Arizona’s day off and Raquel would never ring in the middle of her own shift unless it was important so as the ring ran out, she prayed that Arizona would answer her. It was unlike Raquel, but she felt an overprotective urge and watched her team closely as she waited for Arizona to pick up. Something was changing. Something felt... different and Raquel needed Arizona here as soon as possible so she could take these feelings away and be there for Sofia. Raquel needed to shut these feelings down... But she couldn’t. Not until Sofia was okay. 

[tyo-mimt]

12/36. @tmnt-event-blog

A grocery run leaves the turtles snowed out of their home.

Being snowed-in would've been preferable to this. Raph was right, and Leo didn't want to admit it.

The grocery shopping (if it could even be called that; it was more like shoplifting with how they didn't pay for anything) should've been done before snow fell. Made sense: manhole covers were significantly more difficult to open than doors when snow piled on. Plus, the projected snowfall was getting heavier as heavier as time went on.

Alas, he put it off. Week after week, the snow piled up and he postponed the task too much. Now he was regretting the relics of his bad decisions. And he was regretting it even more because he dragged everyone out of the lair for this.

Watching the snowfall build up in to the ankles of their boots, Leo stepped back from the area the manhole cover was supposed to be. He didn't even want to turn to his brothers, knowing the looks on their faces wouldn't exactly be pleased.

All right, maybe he also wanted to avoid that I told you so look on Raph's face.

Leaning back on a leg and feigning nonchalance, Leo spoke, "I'm guessing the garage entrance is also blocked."

"Leo, we tried leaving from there," Raph dropped the bag of groceries on the snow.

Mikey walked ahead with both grocery bags in his arms.

Donnie sighed, "I shall repeat what I said two hours ago: We would require a snow plow to clear the path."

"Right..." Leo trailed off. They didn't bring their weapons (they proved to be difficult to conceal in already tight winter clothing anyway). "This here arm doesn't happen to have a shovel in it, right?"

"What? Are you crazy? Of course I built a shovel into it." Donnie pulled one of Leo's bags out of the prosthetic arm, pulling the limb over and flipping a panel open. He flicked a switch on his forearm, the limb transforming into a shovel. "I put it there in case I need it to dig your grave."

"You know, I'd be insulted if I wasn't impressed."

"No matter what, you'll always be impressed," Donnie preened, "I also put in a tactical knife, a saw, and a flamethrower. But don't use the last one too often; there's limited gas."

Okay... One of those things is not like the other.

"Donnie, is my arm explosion-proof?"

Donnie paused. Leo wasn't the only one who was staring. The softshell placed a hand on the metal forearm, tapping it twice before clearing his throat. "Uh, probably."

Note to self: keep the arm away from highly explosive environments. Fire was more Mikey's thing anyway.

Just as Leo turned to the entrance, he watched as Raph got to work at digging through the snow. He took the spot next to him and started tunneling though the pile. It didn't take much time for them to finish the job, though when the metal of the shovel hit the top of the manhole cover, Leo felt the air shift.

The sky went overcast and thick with clouds as small crystalline snowflakes fell from the sky and back onto the ground. He was tempted to pick up the pace, but there was something magical about the snowfall when viewed in person.

Turning around, Leo could see Mikey shrugging and falling shell-first into the piling snow. Donnie's exasperated groan turned to an amused chuckle as the box turtle pulled him down to join him in making those snow angels. Raph seemed to find the youngest's energy contagious, the annoyance he previously had melting away as he picked up balls of snow.

"Hey, Leo... Let's just ask dad to open a portal for us later."

The slider made the mistake of turning to Mikey, immediately getting a face full of snow. Okay, he was expecting Raph to pull a dirty stunt like that...

"Uncalled for!"

"And?"

The competitive grin on the box turtle's face melted away all the prior iciness from before. Leo put on a grin. The groceries can wait.