#oops it's a well produced pop album

[thesinglesjukebox]

NEWJEANS - "HOW SWEET"

Breaking up: it's like sugar sometimes...

[6.69]

Rachel Saywitz: NewJeans has found a comfortable home in the production of DJ and electro-trot producer 250, whose musical style has become so singular that I'd start putting him up there with some of the other K-pop producing greats like Brave Brothers, the late Shinsadong Tiger, or Sweetune. His method continues to work well on "How Sweet": adding a little shimmering twist to American club genres (Miami bass in this case), seamless transitions from section to section, and the light vocal touch of every girl's vocals. But, as with the greats, I sense a slight loss of luster with the constant repetition. How many underground genres is 250 going to fish out of the Western world's murky waters to can up and ship out with a shiny new label? The catches are going to dry up eventually. [7]

Kayla Beardslee: NewJeans’ early singles smashed, bringing them ridiculous and unprecedented success for a first-year K-pop rookie group, because they delivered masterfully crafted pop songs in deceptively simple packaging. "Hype Boy" plows through enough memorable hooks for an entire album in a minute and a half, yet sounds so breezy and youthfully optimistic that the music doesn’t feel like work at all. Beneath the soft swells and whispers of "Ditto" is an instrumental that has a beautifully subtle touch with intimacy and a topline that stays in constant motion even as it tantalizingly holds itself back. In comparison, “How Sweet” is more of an underachieving graduate of the Tortured Poets school of songwriting. In each section of the song, they pick one melody with a limited dynamic range, hammer it into the ground, then tick the box and move on. For a Coca-Cola ad, it’s pretty flat.  [5]

Mark Sinker: Chirpy song about how breaking up with u is great and also v easy bcz u suck and I never liked u! Happily the real-world backdrop (MASSIVE INDUSTRY DRAMA pitting label against manager) cannot possibly ground this as a metaphor. The delivery turns the tale of the change from oops non-allegory into smilingly blank-faced stonewall. [7]

Iain Mew: They stretch simplicity as a virtue further than ever, relying almost entirely on immaculate floaty vibes. The almost is crucial, though; the "...now that I'm without you" kicker adds just enough bitterness to keep this from  feeling completely blank. [8]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: "How Sweet" is one of the most powerful kiss-offs we've had in years because it treats the end of a relationship as something so effortless, so natural, "like biting an apple." Even when lines are acerbic ("toxic lover, you're no better"), they are delivered with the exact amount of lift needed to signal both disgust and nonchalance. NewJeans do not care about this ex anymore, and they wield their restraint with grace; this is living well as the best revenge, and the song is potent because it feels like mist on a hot summer day. Producer 250 has always known how to excavate the potential of a minimalist pop song, and he's found an especially strong avenue here with the skeleton of an Atlanta bass track. The regional style (and specifically the Ghost Town DJ's track "My Boo") has had a large impact on K-pop since "Body Party" got big, but 250 makes it a more congenial affair: the hi-hats are low in the mix, the handclaps have more pop than the kick, and it all feels muted so the bubbly synth melodies and percussion—the latter approximating the "Triggerman" sample used in bounce classics—can flutter about. "How Sweet" is the most everyday that NewJeans has sounded, and it's all the more biting for it. [7]

Ian Mathers: It's devastating enough to get a "I'm doing better without you" message delivered with such nonchalant cool, but to make it a bop too? Really drives the implied "I probably didn't care that much in the first place" home, ouch. [8]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: A very NewJeansian take on the break up-come down song; it's a harder feeling to make sound giddy, but they pull it off here. The fragments jutting out from the sing-talk ("like biting an apple"; "no drama, it's good karma"; "little demon in my storyline" most of all) are thrilling and deranged, the kind of phrases that become involuntary mantras and mutterings when you make your way out of something all-consuming and are faced with the shock of the new. Most of the writing about NewJeans centers on their musical trappings, but the Miami bass riffs here are more perfunctory than their prior dalliances with drum-n-bass and Jersey club. That's not to say that it's a bad song — that bassline itself, rubbery and grooving, is gorgeous — but that it shares less with the perfect grooves that "OMG" and "Ditto" than first appears. [9]

Oliver Maier: Unusual for NewJeans both in that it is kind of a retread (think "OMG" 2: Not As Good) and that the performances are really quite listless. The thing about girl groups from anywhere in the world is that their songs tend to implode the moment it sounds like they aren't having fun. [5]

Jonathan Bradley: There's not the great shock of the new provided by genre experiments like "Super Shy" or "Ditto," but the R&B-lite of "How Sweet" gets some extra mileage from burbling percussion runs and photon-light electro textures. Switching between English and Korean lines in the hook is smart songwriting as well as smart globalization; it adds variation to a melody that threatens to run out of ideas after a mere three-and-a-half minutes.  [6]

Michael Hong: Initially put off by how weary the vocals sound -- NewJeans have always been low-key, but they've never sounded so spent. But it starts making sense when you consider that NewJeans are just as much about the experience of sharing these milestones as they are living them. Backed by a laser show of synths, "How Sweet" is about convincing yourself that you're okay after a heartbreak and proving it to your friends. This exhaustion makes the sharper moments more effective: the wistfulness of "it's like biting an apple" longs harder, and the snarky "I'll see you out" that closes the track is a truly satisfying line read. With every chorus, the bitter tartness lessens and the the sweetness pops brighter. [7]

Alfred Soto: The relaxed sensuality is what I wanted from this week's Tinashe track. The melodies are sticky and sweet. [7]

Nortey Dowuona: The drum programming is a bouncy, yet flimsy kick snare pattern full of glittery lasers and clinking closed hi-hats. At first, it overwhelms you, with the rising hit arriving every four bars and doubling during the post chorus, but once you pay attention to the looping, ghostly synth melody, you feel toward a handhold in the wind. [6]

Isabel Cole: I get so excited by the aliens-attacking space-laser sounds at the beginning, and then it all mellows out to make room for an uninspiring vocal line delivered uninspiringly. Things perk up a little in the chorus (I remain a sucker for handclaps!), but unfortunately the actual melody continues to be the worst part of the song, to the extent that I think I'd prefer an instrumental version. [5]

Katherine St. Asaph: The melody on the verses sounds like something off PinkPantheress's Heaven Knows, which is some real influencer-becomes-influenced ouroboros shit. But "How Sweet" settles into a chorus that's undeniably itself, frenetic but small: kind of like "Let the Music Play" recreated by one of those miniscule Helmacron ships from Animorphs in tiny zaps and little plinks. And I do mean "settles": there's less fizz in the pop than there could have been, and NewJeans' vocals range from effortless to affectless, unbothered to unengaging. [6]

TA Inskeep: I'm absolutely here for NewJeans giving us a little bit of ecstasy. If this kicks off a revival of second-wave freestyle, I'll be very happy. (Someone call Sabrina Carpenter to the white courtesy phone, stat!) [8]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: “How Sweet” is the most subdued and pedestrian newjeans have sounded. The beeps and blorps and percussion taste sweet, but the vocals are bitter and dull. But when the production has so many dynamic flourishes, and the meta-narrative around the group is so interesting, the score floor is high.  [6]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[thebloodbrothers-archive]

Interview with Jordan Blilie of the Blood Brothers by Scott Batiuk

(transcribed from sandiegopunk.com on 07/19/2002)

The Blood Brothers signed to ARTISTdirect Records, and Ross Robinson is producing their next album. Ross Robinson of all people, though. His production is responsible for making bands like Limp Bizkit and Korn the multi-platinum monstrosities they are today.

But have you heard March On Electric Children (the Blood Brothers newest album)? The perfect pick-me-up when you're suffering from a bad case of the Warped Tour blues; for when you think the world is doomed to be permanently overrun by boring, cookie-cutter pop-punk and all of its mall/jock-core brethren.

There's two vocalists. Both sing, both scream. But not in a Linkin Park brand of vocal wackness. It's more like that screaming humanoid creature in Aphex Twin's 'Come To Daddy' video. Except it hopped up on goofballs. And there's two of 'em.

The lyrics:

'The flock of grinning octopi drop like tears from a varicose thigh singing''do you want to live forever? Nail your crotch to the hive of pleasure!''

or:

'The theater wails like deceased violins, high heeled castanet clicks rape harmony. Youth decays in 4/4 time.'

March On's guitars alternately bludgeon and hack you to pieces; jittery bass segments; jangly keyboard whines and seething undercurrents of static; it's blistering, grimy, and unwholesome.

But Ross Robinson and ARTISTdirect'

Well, the Locust signed to Epitaph-subsidiary Anti. Cattle Decapitation signed to Metal Blade. Is this a sign that the bigger labels are starting to wake up a little bit? There's no way in hell this stuff is going to catch on in the mainstream, is there?

I guess we'll see what happens when the new albums come out. In the meantime, San Diego, go watch the Blood Brothers play Oops! The Tour with the Locust, Harkonen, Arab On Radar, and Lightning Bolt at the Epicentre on 8/7. You'll be hard-pressed to find a freakier, more fucked up night of music this side of a Creed concert. But in a good way.

Scott: Some people describe your guys' music as hard core. Some people say it's punk. What does Jordan say?

Jordan: Oh, what does Jordan say'um, I'd say it'd be kind of just a terrible hybrid of both. I think that there's elements of both in our music, but I don't think that either one would really predominate.

S: For March On, you guys did kind of a concept album.

J: Yeah.

S: Are you going to do that again for the next one?

J: No. We actually did the exact opposite. Whereas all the songs are tied together on March On, we just tried to make every song as unique to itself as we possibly could. It was a fun thing to do for that record, but it was also a little bit limiting as well. You can't really get that many ideas out using that format, so we just wanted to make every one as different as possible.

S: What was your first reaction when you found out that Ross Robinson (Korn, Limp Bizkit, Vanilla Ice) wanted to produce your record?

J: We erased the email that was sent to us and just kind of laughed about it. And then later on, we started to think about it more, and then we just eventually called 'em back and got a hold of him. We thought this was kind of ridiculous and funny at first. We didn't take it too seriously.

S: Honestly, how the fuck did that happen? How did Ross Robinson get into you guys?

J: One of his friends, he's this guy named Casey, he sings for a band called Amen, and he acquired our CD and liked it and passed it on to him. So then Ross had his manager email us, and that was how it all pretty much started.

S: That's just so weird, 'cause I mean, that guy did Vanilla Ice's record!

J: I know (laughs). I know. I mean, it was pretty bizarre. We were all a little bit taken aback.

S: So is ARTISTdirect giving you total freedom for artwork and music and everything?

J: They just pretty much fund whatever we want to do. Like now they're giving us tour support, so tour's a lot more comfortable than it has been in the past. You know, recording budget and stuff like that. What else'I mean, pretty much everything that a band would need to be a band, they basically provide.

S: Do they ever shoot down ideas like on the artwork, for example?

J: No. No. They're perfectly content with what we want to do. They pretty much made that clear to us right off the bat. We just recorded the record and we did like 13 songs, 12 of which are going to go on the album. You know, there's no one there telling us to 'Write more of this sort of song. These need to go. Where are your choruses? Where are your verses?' Pretty much, all of our lyrics are going to be as fucked up as they always have, and our music as well. The artwork will probably go along with both.

S: So how much say did Ross have then?

J: Umm, let's see'he would offer ideas, like you know, say we were playing a part like six times, he'd go, 'you know, I think maybe you guys should play it four.' We'd try it out, and if we liked it that way, we'd work with it that way. If we didn't, we'd just say no, we don't want to do it this way, we want to do it our way, and it was perfectly fine. There was never any pressure to do anything that he wanted us to do that we didn't want to do. It was more like just having another objective person to bounce ideas off and maybe to get us to think about things that we hadn't really thought of between the five of us. The whole experience was really open, really constructive. I think we all walked away from it feeling good. It was really positive.

S: So, for the record, your next CD will NOT be rap-rock?

J: No. Well, I mean, I HAVE been honing my skills as an MC a bit. But'no.

S: Maybe for the future?

J: Yeah, you know, maybe the next one after that.

S: It's just weird. What do you think it means that a bunch of bands like you guys and the Locust, who are pretty inaccessible, are getting, not major, but bigger label interest? Why do you think this is happening?

J: I just think that music has become so fucking stagnant in the past 5 years that labels, especially like upstarts, are looking to sign bands that sound completely different from what's out there right now. That's pretty much the only possible reason I can see why anyone would want to sign either us or the Locust.

S: You don't think it's gonna be the big hit sound of the summer? Like if I turned on MTV2 and I saw a Locust video, I'd probably shit my pants.

J: (laughing) You'd love it wouldn't you?!

S: It would be cool, I guess, but I don't know how I would respond to that.

J: No, it's like there's nothing I want more than for, you know, just to be cruisin' the beach, you know, spring break, Daytona, Fort Lauderdale, and have our songs be the soundtrack for that. Basically that's what it boils down to.

S: Yeah, and then next thing you know, you're gonna have the Vans OOPS! Tour.

J: (laughing) Yeah, yeah, exactly. We'll be hittin' you know, some domed parking lot'summer, you know'

S: Carson Daly will be emceeing it and everything.

J: Mm hm.

S: So, what do you guys think of the Punk Rock Tour of the Summer aka the Warped Tour?

J: (laughing) The Warped Tour! I DON'T think about it. There's no bands on there that interest me whatsoever (laughs). I mean, the Warped Tour! It's pretty ridiculous to me.

S: It's laughable, but it's amazing how popular it's become and'

J: Yeah, because I remember it like a few years ago when I was still, even in like junior high, early high school, it seemed to be something that was actually an alternative to what was going on at the time. Namely Lollapalooza or any of those big rock tours. It was something that I thought was actually pretty cool. I mean, I remember Rocket From The Crypt did a year. I don't know who else. I stopped paying attention to it. Now, like you said, it's just completely laughable.

S: I keep thinking that it'll die out soon, but more and more of the generic, mediocre pop-punk shit just keeps comin' up.

J: I mean, you hope it would die, but you know (laughing), it just doesn't seem to. You're right.

S: And I really wish someone would just take a shit on Good Charlotte.

J: You know, really. Especially'especially, have you seen their show that they host?

S: Oh that's AMAZING.

J: (laughs) It's jaw-dropping entertainment right there!

S: It's like I'm repulsed. It's disgusting you, but you have to keep watching.

J: Yeah. Or you could just turn it off (laughs).

S: (laughing) Well, I don't know. Maybe if you're weird like that.

J: (laughs)

S: So if someone was stuck in a rut of that generic, mediocre pop-punk stuff, what would you recommend to get them out?

J: Uh, Liars. Chromatics. Electric Light Orchestra. Anything old. Neil Young. Pretenders. Let's see'Pretty Girls Make Graves, Cancer Conspiracy'uh, who else'that's about it. I don't really listen to that much new music. Hip hop. Nelly. Go pick up Nelly's new CD. I mean, you can at least dance to it, you know?

S: It sure is 'Hot In Herre.'

J: Yeah, I mean totally! That's my summer anthem right there.

S: I could go off on that, but I don't want to take up too much more of your time here. Um, so you guys are doing the OOPS! Tour in the next couple weeks right?

J: Yeah, we hook up with that I think in about'I think it's like nine days now. We meet them in Fayetteville, Arkansas, and then just go through the mid-west, and then back home.

S: That seems like it's going to be the freakiest tour you're gonna see this summer. Kind of like the opposite of the Warped Tour.

J: Yeah, yeah.

S: What do you guys have in store for all the kooky kids who come out to that?

J: Ummm'I don't know, we're just gonna play our songs, hopefully reasonably well. Um, you know, I mean, stage dives abound, brah! Let's see, what else'I mean, we don't really have any gimmicks planned or anything like that, but it should be fun regardless. I think that just watching us is fine enough.

S: Obviously, obviously'.

J: (laughing) I'm joking! I'm just kidding.

S: I mean, the tight pants and everything, you can't'

J: Oh yeah! You can't go wrong with that!

S: I really think you guys should go for the drummer in the cage, upside down, fireworks type thing.

J: Yeah, yeah, totally. Spin him around a bit. Mark told us that he wants to be spinning.

S: (laughs) 'Cause I mean, what good is a show if the drummer isn't spinning in circles, you know?

J: I know. No shit. Really

[declanlikesmusic]

Today's Listens: Episode 005

August 10th, 2023

So I'm writing this one the morning after and that makes it seem like I didn't have time to write because I was busy that day, but the truth was, I was on a day off and I wanted to marinate on my thoughts before putting pen to paper before, oops, my mood soured at the end of the night. Hopefully I'll get back on track in the coming days, or else I might end up having to skip days for this. Yay.

Just a content warning. At least one of the album covers here has depicted nudity, with a particular instance needing to be censored. I'm using a censored cover art sourced from Spotify, yet I don't even know if that's gonna be enough for this to fly under Tumblr's radar. Let's hope.

Infinity Frequencies – Between two worlds (2018)

I started yesterday off with an Infinity Frequencies album. This artist may very well be argued as being one of, if not the greatest broken transmission producer working today, but I was hesitant to go back to this one in particular. Namely because, on previous listens, the record felt a little too ambient and sparse to really captivate me. Luckily, since my last checking-out of this album, there was this phenomenon I call the Pad Chenningtonification (patent-pending) where a popular YouTuber shouts out a record that is not the artist's best work and it becomes commonly seen as their best work. Yay. Luckily I was fresh off of finding out that their 2015 album Into the light was way better than I initially thought it was, so I got to this one with an open mind and was treated to an experience that was only just barely consistently great. This is still not their best album in my view, but I'm glad that I can at least say I pretty much loved my experience here. Check this out, but also check out Computer Death and Into the light and I guarentee, you will find yourself a fan of InFreq at the end of the day.

7.5 / 10

Highlights: Under the city, Replica encounter, Between two worlds, Synthetic remains, Obsolete request, The time that remains Unraveling

Xepter Rose – Selenitic Landscapes (2014)

This one's a little random, but if you know death's dynamic shroud in any capacity, you'll be surprised to find that one of the members James Webster has made some ambient music on the side! Just as the trio were taking off, he made a pretty decent progressive electronic experience. I'm a little biased because I really loved his Virtual Utopia Experience visual thing, but two of the best tracks here show up on that movie as well and of course, they're great here. Aside from those two and Clock Tower Ruin, I cannot say that I am fully enamoured with this one. It's often sprawling and sparse in a way that doesn't flatter it all too much for me. That said, if you like modern synth ambient music, I'd give this one a shot. I already like it, but you might love it more than I do.

7.0 / 10

Highlights: Meteor Storm, Perpetual Twilight, Pottery & Stairs, Clock Tower Ruin

Magdalena Bay – mini mix vol. 3 (2023)

I wanted to cover more music from the current year, so I rolled upon this tiny mixtape from the rising pop duo Magdalena Bay. I wasn't expecting too much out of this one, just a one-off of decent tracks, but I found myself really in love with this one! It comes off as a mini mix, duh, of new material and they're all blended together very seamlessly while still coming across as their own songs! From the underrated intro to the simultaneously catchy and almost ascendent run of cuts by the end, they've knocked this one out of the park! It's not much (again, mini) but if you need a pop palette cleanser for just a quarter of an hour, this will undeniably satiate that for you!

8.2 / 10

Highlights: Slug Song, Top Dog, Tonguetwister

Torn Hawk – Through Force of Will (2014)

This one comes from an artist that always allured me from the mysterious realms of hypnagogic pop and specifically this tape and its glitchy cover art ripping an iconic still from a movie, I can't tell which. We have elements all over this record that primarily pull from outsider house and some of the tracks here are honestly great. They don't seem that captivating at first, but as they draw on, they start to become hypnotic. I really dug this one. I don't think every track works for me, this one again straddled the line between like and love for me, especially with the ambient cuts, but if you're already a fan of hypnagogic pop and want to dive in further, I'd totally suggest this one!

7.5 / 10

Highlights:

HELLCOM – ACID MP3s (2016)

Here's where things start to turn sour for me. I adore HELLCOM, I really do. His two concept albums under this alias, spanning mere months between eachother, are among the most creative, captivating and awe-inspiring vaporwave albums in the Business Casual catalogue! I'd recommend them to anybody, even non-fans of the genre who've already dipped their toes in. However, as a big fan of the format of DJ mixes, rating the two that he's put out before moving on to HDMIRROR are difficult. Timestamping this one specifically was particularly hellish; there are tracks listed that I'm convinced don't show up here, so that made rating this nearly impossible. I pushed through it though, but not without a little bit of a headache. His plunderphonic electropop and EDM sensibilities shine through here, but in the most surreal, glitch-centric ways possible that I struggle to fully recommend unless you huge fans of those sounds. Try it at your own risk; I liked it, but the more I thought about it, the less sense it just made for me.

7.2 / 10

Highlights: She Doesn't Mind, Hunter / N-Trance Forever, TIll I Come (Remix), Everytime

Xiu Xiu – A Promise (2003)

I've always been torn on Xiu Xiu. They have albums that I fully love and I'll get to those when I do, but the reason why I haven't covered them yet was because I was very hesitant to find the right time and mood for their sophomore effort that I remembered really liking but also not knowing why. I bit the bullet and just decided to finally go for this and I really don't think this was ever meant for me. I think I was lying to myself then. Don't get it twisted, it's obviously good, but it is surreal and incredibly depressive. It's often sparse in ways that, again, don't work for me, but it can also be very noisy in ways that just don't capture me. The whole thing is completely unhinged and that's no thanks to the themes of suicide throughout that just really disconnect me from the experience. I at least appreciated the Fast Car cover and how the record was trying to start out, but as it went on, I almost stopped respecting it entirely. This is purely for fans of experimental and post-industrial music that enjoy records that are this sad and intense to listen to.

6.4 / 10

Highlights: Sad Pony Guerrilla Girl, 20,000 Deaths for Eidelyn Gonzales, 20,000 Deaths for Jamie Peterson, Fast Car

Deftones – Around the Fur (1997)

By this point, I felt like I was ready for pretty much anything after that, so I thought: fuck it, why not tackle some metal? Nu metal specifically. We have Deftones' sophomore album here, I've already enjoyed other work of theirs, especially Ohms, so what could go wrong here? Well, it definitely sounds good. The recording quality is about as good as what you'd expect from any popular subgenre of modern metal. The performances are tight as well, they honestly put a lot of thought into the energy of the record. So what gives, how come I don't love it? Well, you see, they have to be songs. This is why metal struggles a lot for me, it hardly finds any hooks or riffs that function as hooks or riffs. One of the only moments that were at all memorable to me was the first ten seconds of it and I only know it because I know it was used as a sample; I don't love this riff! The only other thing I remember was the closing track and it's pretty cool use of back-and-forth backing vocals. I found that to be cool! Otherwise, this just functioned as a metal album to me and I can sadly say not much more. If you like metal, go for it, but that's not for me.

6.4 / 10

Highlights: My Own Summer (Shove It), Mascara, Around the Fur, MX

3RA1N1AC – H1551NG PRI95 1N 5TAT1C COUTUR3 (1996)

So, how could my evening get any worse? Well, you see, I was approaching my 1,337th rating at this time, my leet rating as I was anticipating. I was given Hissing Prigs in Static Couture by a few friends and it looked like a perfect match for it! However, I am, as the doctors would say, an R slur and briefly missed that milestone when I heard Around the Fur. I didn't want to let that slide, so I cheated by swapping these two albums' placements, but I'm still gonna talk about this after Around the Fur because this was just not a good end to my night. I expected a pretty loud, semi-raucous, energetic and wild listen of a rock & punk and I'm glad to say that I've got it! But in a way that was not very good to me. At first, I thought this record was gonna be okay; not for me, but an enjoyable & worthwhile listen nonetheless, but um. It didn't even last long as that for me either. This listening experience was constantly diminishing returns and I'm too tired even now to fully express why, other than the noises, the instruments, the melodies and especially the vocals got more and more grating with each and every track. I thought by the start, I was merely losing interest and getting tired, but at a certain point, this album just lost it. By the end, this came off as completely obnoxious and irritably annoying. I know I disappointed my friends with that, but that's just how it felt to me. I'm sorry, but the way this closed my night was a complete letdown and while you're likely to enjoy it more than I do, I'd personally steer clear of it unless it interests you.

4.1 / 10

Highlights: 1ND1AN POK3R (PART 3), PU55YFOOT1N'

So yeah, I'm sorry to rant, but that sucked. I couldn't muster up writing any of that until the following morning because I was just having a hard time comprehending how sour I felt by the end of this. I want to make it clear, this is not to the fault of any of the musicians and it's definitely not the fault of the people that recommended them either. This was all just me and not having good ears. Overtime, I've started to realise that my wishlist was looking less and less appealing as I've knocked more ratings out. I don't think I'm gonna purge it, but I might just try to clean it up at some point and realise where I've gotta draw the line for some of these artists, because over 750 of them unfathomable at this point. I'll see ya next time.

[crowdvscritic]

round up // JUNE 23

The best things come in pairs in this Round Up. A few repeat offenders this June: 

Jason Schwartzman

Harrison Ford

Brad Pitt

Pixar

Archeological digs

Sports stories

1943 musicals

Tap dancing

‘80s pop-rock records

Two Tales of Cities

And, as always, Crowd and Critic are best when they’re in tandem. These are my top picks for June 2023 in the order I experienced them:

June Crowd-Pleasers

1. Shooting Stars (2023)

As a sports dilettante, I knew nothing about LeBron James’s pre-NBA life. (Full disclosure: I don’t know much about his post-NBA life either.) This sports drama probably sands off some edges (James produced this movie based on a book he wrote), but it hits its marks. It’s inspirational but not schmaltzy, and thanks to great performances (including an always stellar Caleb McLaughlin and I’m-always-glad-when-he-pops-up Dermot Mulroney), this story of five basketball-obsessed kids growing up is much better than you’d expect for a direct-to-Peacock movie. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7/10

2. Elemental (2023)

Pixar is back to basics with Elemental. In the best way, that means Pixar is up to their old shenanigans, but in another sense, it means this movie is, well, basic. Read my full review at ZekeFilm or watch my segment on KMOV to give you an idea on whether Pixar’s latest is for you. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

3. Flamin’ Hot (2023)

What Flamin’ Hot lacks in heat it makes up for in heart. With its relatable stakes and the comedy it finds in skewering corporate culture, this kind-of-true story of the creation of the Flamin’ Hot Cheeto (yes, really) is about as good as it could be. Read my full review at ZekeFilm. Crowd: 8/0 // Critic: 7/10

4. Coco (2017)

Finally watched after being one of my top “oops, I haven’t seen this yet” titles for years. Yes, Pixar did make me sob again. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 9/10

5. Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)

Do you love to feel nostalgia or to be surprised? Do you like old school action or newfangled special effects? Do you enjoy historical adventures or stories about modern issues? Then the fifth Indiana Jones episode is for you! Literally the only thing this needed to achieve was to surpass the quality of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, but why settle for that when you can make an action-packed adventure better than most summer blockbuster fare? Given that Raiders of the Lost Ark and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade are two of the best adventure movies (or perhaps, just movies) of the 20th century, it’s no insult to say The Dial of Destiny ranks third for me in Indy’s canon with Temple of Doom and Crystal Skull following in distant fourth and fifth places. Crowd: 10/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

6. Bananarama-thon + Bangle-mania + Go-Go-palooza

What says “summer” more than 1980s girl pop-rock bands? (Or really, 1980s pop-rock period?) Bananarama, The Bangles, and The Go-Go’s made excellent summer soundtracks with their respective albums Deep Sea Skiving (1983), Bananarama (1984), and True Confessions (1986); All Over the Place (1984), Different Light (1986), and Everything (1988); and Beauty and the Beat (1981), Vacation (1982), and Talk Show (1984). Also, does Bananarama’s debut album have the greatest cover art of all time?

7. Sports Night (1998-2000)

My binge of short-lived behind-the-scenes shows continues! Clearly Aaron Sorkin and pals like Tommy Schlamme were still learning the ropes of TV, and they were not helped by the fact that premiering in the ��90s mandated a laugh track in the first season. But the bones of Sorkin’s future are there: Josh Charles and Peter Krause’s bromance feels like laying the track for some of the best of The West Wing, and Felicity Huffman is one of his iconic strong female leads. Robert Guillaume’s elder statesmen of TV (both in front and behind of the camera) is the glue that holds the show together, and the show’s love for sports is so infectious it draws in non-sporty girlies like me.

8. Legal Eagles (1986)

A legal dramedy starring Robert Redford directed with the light touch of Ivan Reitman? This art heist murder mystery co-starring Debra Winger and Daryl Hannah is a hidden gem of the ‘80s...and also an addition to my Favorite Tap Dances list on Letterboxd? Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 7.5/10

9. The Stone Roses by The Stone Roses (1989)

A Rolling Stone article I shared last month got me curious about this band (whom I know nothing about beyond that article), and this album has been scratching The Smiths itch that lives in me.

June Critic Picks

1. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023)

It’s a visual wonder with stellar voice work, especially Jason Schwartzman’s clever villain, and once we get to the Nueva York universe, everything flies. But boy, does it take a while to get there. I normally reserve my Round Ups for praise, but since Across the Spider-Verse’s nearly universal acclaim won’t be tarnished by my critique, the spirit of transparency compels me to complain this film is at least 30 minutes too long. When you’re trying to be both a Gwen Stacy movie and a Miles Morales movie, the somber first hour slows down even more and delays revisiting the stuff we loved most in the first film. The kids next to me were antsy well before this was over, my dad fell asleep in the middle (which he never does), and then it rivals Lord of the Rings for fake out endings. Here's hoping Spider-Ham and Spider-Man Noir get to make up for their lost time in part 3! Crowd: 7.5/10 // Critic: 8/10

2. Ninotchka (1939)

When Soviet Greta Garbo travels to Paris on Communist Party business, can she resist the city’s charms? She and her fellow comrades find themselves succumbing to the amenities, champagne, and romance they can’t find in Mother Russia. An Ernst Lubitsch-directed rom-com co-written by Billy Wilder can’t miss! Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

3. Little Women (2017)

Another Round Up, another version of Little Women. I immediately pushed this PBS miniseries to the top of my watchlist when I dug into Little Mermaid star Jonah Hauer-King’s past filmography and discovered he performed alongside Angela Lansbury (!!!). Though I expect the budget was smaller than a big screen feature’s, the extended runtime allows for moments we haven’t seen depicted on film before. The cast of ringers includes Lansbury as a delightfully cranky Aunt March and Hauer-King as a lovelorn Laurie, as well Maya Hawke as Jo, Kathryn Newton as Amy, and Michael Gambon as Mr. Laurence in an 1860s Concord as bucolic as ever. Like a warm, encouraging hug!

4. Past Lives (2023)

This bittersweet romantic drama makes me want to call up my boyfriend who moved away the summer after 7th grade and the guy I never dated in college who studied abroad and then transferred and that boy I met at a party a few years ago who said he was moving next week to sail boats in Delaware and then be disappointed none of them are as I remember or imagined who they would become. The best film of the year so far? Crowd: 7.5/10 // Critic: 10/10

5. Double Feature - Silly 1943 Musicals About Marrying for Money: Du Barry Was a Lady + Higher and Higher

Movies today should try being as weird as ‘40s musicals. In Higher and Higher (Crowd: 7.5/10 // Critic: 7.5/10), a one-time millionaire tries to marry off his maid to a wealthy bachelor, though she may prefer to romance Frank Sinatra (playing himself!) instead. In Du Barry Was a Lady (7.5/10 // 8/10), Lucille Ball is trying to snag herself a rich guy, though she may prefer to romance Gene Kelly instead. (This is a much more obvious addition to my Favorite Tap Dances list on Letterboxd.) Both are silly, but when you’ve got Sinatra singing or Kelly dancing to Cole Porter songs, you’ve still got wow moments. More movies today should detour into 18th century dream sequences!

6. Valley of the Kings (1954)

Robert Taylor and Eleanor Parker go on a high-stakes archaeological dig in the early 1900s set in front of gorgeous photography in Egypt. A fun prototype for Indiana Jones and The Mummy! Crowd: 7/10 // Critic: 8/10

7. Asteroid City (2023)

Something Wes Anderson does not get enough credit for: The man has never made a film longer than two hours. This spring’s trend of Wes Anderson-inspired social media may have brought attention to the previously unacquainted, but it took only a few of those superficially xanthic posts to exhaust my Instagram feed. Most social filmmaking is ugly and chaotic, but Anderson’s attention to detail when blocking his troupe of players in the golden ratio, designing perfectly-shaped mushroom clouds, and using color theory to select his palette doesn’t just hold up on a big screen—it deserves it. Read my full review at ZekeFilm. Crowd: 7/10 // Critic: 10/10

8. Double Feature - ‘90s Brad Pitt: Legends of the Fall (1994) + The Devil’s Own (1997)

In Legends of the Fall (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10), Brad Pitt’s nonconformist Tristan upends the lives of his family members (including Anthony Hopkins and Julia Ormond) as they strive to keep their Montana estate through World War I, Prohibition, and the Great Depression. In The Devil’s Own (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 9/10), Pitt’s IRA terrorist Rory upends the life of the family who takes him in (including Harrison Ford) when he escapes to America. One is a soapy historical epic, one is a gritty police thriller, but both show the promise of Pitt’s career.

9. A Tale of Two Cities (1935)

A pretty good adaptation of one of my favorite high school English class reads. Though the nuance and depth of the Mr. Charles “I Get Paid by the Word” Dickens novel can’t be captured in just two hours and the portrayal of Lucie is, well, a lot, Ronald Colman’s Sydney and Blanche Yurka’s Madame De Farge are pitch-perfect, and it’s as moving as its source material. Crowd: 7.5/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

10. Good Reads

The incessant onslaught of more-TV-than-can-possibly-be-watched is reaching critical mass: 

“The Idol and Our Backlash Times,” NYTimes.com (2023)

“‘The End of Peak Television:’ Has the Era of Prestige TV Just Ground to a Halt?” TheGuardian.com (2023)

“Peak TV Is Over. Welcome to Trough TV,” slate.com (2023)

“From Warrior Nun to Three Women, TV Shows are Being Cancelled. Yet Somehow Emily in Paris Lives On,” TheGuardian.com (2023)

“Media's Succession Obsession,” axios.com (2023)

Thoughts on our moment in diversity in TV and movies: 

“Box Office: Early Summer Tentpoles Cash In, Fueled by Diverse Stars,” HollywoodReporter.com (2023) 

“‘Why is Bridgerton’s Race Twisting Acceptable?’ The Real Problem With the Show’s Black Fantasy,” TheGuardian.com (2023)

The Hollywood Reporter continues its impressive breadth of Writer’s Strike coverage: 

“Tom Hanks, Baby Jessica and Lessons from a Three Strike Writer,” HollywoodReport.com (2023)

“Guest Column: If Writers Lose the Standoff With Studios, It Hurts All Filmmakers,” HollywoodReporter.com (2023)

And a grab bag of pieces on baseball, basketball, and Beyoncé: 

“The Team Trying Very, Very Hard to Be the Worst in Baseball History,” slate.com (2023)

“Beyoncé Caused Sweden Inflation Bump, Expert Says,” politico.eu (2023)

“The 100 Most Significant Political Films of All Time,” NewRepublic.com (2023)

“The Flash Was Never Going to Run Away From Its Problems,” TheRinger.com (2023)

“Employee of the Month Rewarded With More Work,” vice.com (2023)

Also in June…

I’m processing a lot of emotions about what’s going on at Turner Classic Movies, and I’ve yet to figure out how to put them into words. Until I get there, I’m constantly adding to my list of movies I’ve watched thanks to the people who work there, and you can see the almost-350 of them on Letterboxd. 

Until the end of July, you can see what I’m watching in real time on Letterboxd. Yes, I’ve seen Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One; no I can’t talk about it until after the review embargo lifts on July 5th. 

Pending Twitter doesn’t self-implode before you read this, you can also find me there.

Photo credits: Bananarama, The Stone Roses, Good Reads. All others IMDb.com.

[autumnklare]

midnights by taylor swift [initial thoughts]

She did it again. Taylor Swift really is the definition of our music industry right now. And no, I am not writing this "bias," review because (oops! confession) I am a swiftie, but, because she deserves all the recognition.

Midnights, like all my fellow fans commented is like the child of her previous pop albums 1989 and Reputation. And we love it!

I must admit though, after her pandemic album, folklore and evermore, which also admittedly shocked us as well, our expectations to her future releases really grew stronger, as we believe that she will continue serving us with her bewitching song writing skills. Not to mention her re-recording of her previous albums.

Midnights has it all. The pop genre that we loved from 1989, with the lyrical masterpiece of Folklore birthed this masterpiece. And you know what excites us most? Plot twist: It's a visual album! Visual album means that all the songs that were listed in the album will have a music video, and who doesn't love that? We all know that Taylor loves evolving, from writing, starring, producing, and even directing everything.

Long story short, Midnights by Taylor Swift deserves it all. She deserves to be at the top of the music charts, the recognition, the awards, and the love from all her fans all over the world. At this point, if you're still not a swiftie, HOW DARE YOU!

Anyway, continue streaming Midnights!

[gotosoftgo]

Mafia 3 fix for phenom ii processors

Pharrell and Migos have proved a great combination in the past, and they link up again. Her hook is maddeningly catchy all the same. The Queen of Pop’s vocals are high-pitched and heavily Auto-Tuned, and she sounds like some kind of robotic doll on the track – but the fact that something like this exists is so crazy that it actually works. Some of the weirder experiments here really pay off as well, like the track “Champagne Rosé” that legitimately features Madonna (and a disjointed, brief verse from Cardi B for some reason). Tay Keith provides a pretty fun beat on the track “Shine” as Quavo’s sung hook complements the shimmering synth chords well. Most of the appeal of Migos is these three enormous personalities playing off of each other, and some of that still manages to shine through here, especially when he’s helped out by some of the better moments from behind the boards here. Cole-esque figure that doles out advice on the irresponsible lifestyles he romanticizes on every other track on the album here. “Swing” and “Big Bro” are two examples where trying to do something different didn’t really work, the former another tired dancehall cut that features ex-Fifth Harmony member Normani and Nigerian artist Davido that goes on for far too long and the latter a truly strange and contradictory track where Quavo tries to position himself as a knowledgeable J.

There are simply far too many tracks here that serve no distinctive purpose from each other – it’s hard to even pick out the worst ones, they’re just simply … there. Tracks like “F**k 12”, “Keep That S**t” (despite how unintentionally hilarious his matter-of-fact delivery on the track is) and single “Workin Me” are painfully repetitive without enough of a new twist on the trap instrumental that we can sometimes expect from a Migos track to keep my interest. Drake looked to continue his feature hot streak on “Flip The Switch”, but one of his lower-key deliveries is juxtaposed with one of the most crowded trap instrumentals here, and Quavo’s final verse brings the quality way down. Most of the project’s most enjoyable moments are provided by guests, but even some of these tracks feel kind of unfinished, like they put together a random Quavo verse and a leftover verse a featured artist sent over. Most of these tracks are a shorter track without a fully fleshed out concept, Quavo bringing the bare minimum to the table lyrically and doing the same flows we’ve heard elsewhere. Quavo’s flow has always been more sparse than his groupmates, and on the more empty instrumentals here there just isn’t enough to carry the track here without the other huge personalities to play off of – “Give It To Em” is a huge example of this, as Quavo leaves way too much empty space over a somber piano instrumental. The production is honestly still pretty great on the track and on most of them here, but Quavo sounds unenthused most of the time here, like he’s putting this out as a contractual obligation. Less than a minute into the next track “Pass Out”, Quavo has literally resorted to bars full of nothing but “skrt” and moaning “grandmaaaaa….” in his background Auto-Crooned vocals. From there, we kind of fall off a cliff until the album’s second half. Quavo’s flow over the track honestly sounds more like one of his fellow Migos here with some speedy triplets, and his off-the-wall ad-libs are always fun. The opening track “Biggest Alley Oop” might actually be the album’s best, built on an eerie, slightly distorted choral vocal sample of ‘la-la-la’s and some kind of woodwind instrument with an element of Middle Eastern flair – it’s definitely a sound we haven’t heard them use before, and producer 30 Roc takes a few opportunities to break up the straightforward trap rhythms as well with some well-placed moments where the music cuts out. A solo project without the other two members to spice things up had me worried, and while most of this 19-track project is uninspired filler as expected, there are still a couple of enjoyable moments scattered here and there where Quavo holds his own more than you’d think. While many pegged Quavo as the breakout star from the group due to his more versatile, melodic flow, it’s become a lot clearer to me over the years that he’s easily the least talented of the group both rhythmically and lyrically. If they hadn’t oversaturated the market, I might enjoy this project a lot more than I do. Surprisingly, there are still a couple fun moments to wring out of it here: Migos have developed into rap superstars for a reason, and it’s because they really know what they’re doing. It’s been easy recently to get burnt out on the Migos sound and formula, and Quavo more or less adheres to it here. Ironically named rap label Quality Control continues to drop overlong project after project, and Migos star Quavo’s debut kicks off what is apparently the first of 3 solo albums from the members of the group to be released in rapid succession.

[sinswithpleasure]

I'm trying to listen to more Loona songs can you recommend me some good ones?

Oh hey look a chance for me to start gushing!

First of all, check out every member's solo. I won't link them here, because I'm going to be getting into a lot of their songs. I'll put the 🔥 emoji next to my favourites.

For reference, here are the members in debut order: Heejin, Hyunjin, Haseul, Yeojin, Vivi, Kim Lip, Jinsoul, Choerry, Yves, Chuu, GoWon, Olivia Hye.

Solos

ViViD

Around You

Let Me In 🔥

Kiss Later

Every Day I Love You 🔥

Eclipse

Singing In The Rain

Love Cherry Motion 🔥

new 🔥

Heart Attack 🔥

One&Only

Egoist 🔥

Pre-Subunit Releases:

The Carol (Heejin, Hyunjin, Haseul) 🔥

My Sunday (Heejin, Hyunjin) 🔥

My Melody (Haseul, Yeojin) 🔥

The Carol 2.0 (Vivi, Choerry, Yves)

Subunits:

LOONA 1/3 (Heejin through Vivi, but excluding Yeojin...? Lore is funny).

Love & Live

Love & Evil

Odd Eye Circle (Kim Lip, Jinsoul, Choerry):

Girl Front 🔥🔥

Sweet Crazy Love 🔥

yyxy (Yves, Chuu, GoWon, Olivia Hye):

love4eva 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 [I am biased and I do not care.]

(Cries in no repackage unlike the other two)

----------------------

Now, debut!! Post-debut albums!

[+ +] — ok no joke, this entire album did not miss. 🔥🔥🔥🔥 check the whole thing out.

+ +

Hi High

favOriTe

Heat (열기)

Perfect Love

Stylish

[× ×] — I don't really like that many songs off this album personally, but that doesn't mean it's bad. They're still super well-produced.

× ×

Butterfly 🔥

Satellite

Curiosity

Colours

Where You At 🔥🔥🔥🔥

[#] — I also don't listen to this album much, sadly. Some fire stuff though.

#

So What 🔥

Number 1 🔥

Oh (Yes I Am) 🔥

Ding Ding Dong (땡땡땡)

365 🔥

[12:00] — Such a weird album, yet the songs here were so fucking good.

12:00

Why Not 🔥🔥

Voice (목소리) 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Fall Again

Universe

Hide & Seek 🔥

OOPS!

Star (Voice English Ver.) 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[&] — Now, the latest album <3. I don't like most of it but the title track, but again, it doesn't mean the album's bad. I don't think they make bad songs, but I'm just low standards and easily wowed by stuff.

&

PTT (Paint The Town) 🔥🔥🔥

WOW 🔥

Be Honest 🔥

Dance On My Own

A Different Night

U R

----------------------

Japanese debut!!!

Hula Hoop 🔥🔥

Starseed Kakusei 🔥🔥

PTT JP Ver

Hula Hoop (City Pop Ver)

[pinencurls]

“I could just hold you and listen to your voice all night long.”

Hiii so this is my entry to @stellarboystyles‘s three year anniversary fic challenge! I’ve been busy with getting ready for classes starting and balancing other stuff so I wrote it on and off for a week and a bit but I hope you all enjoy! Feedback is so so encouraged and appreciated <3 

Here’s my masterlist of some other stuff I’ve written x 

Enemies (more like friends but oops) to lovers, prompt 9 “I could just hold you and listen to your voice all night long.”

14k+ :) Not read through sorry! pls let me know of any mistakes and I’ll correct them <3 (also i k n o w the title's bad but i couldn’t think of anything, pls feel free to leave any recs.)

- - - - 

It isn’t that I hate Harry. He just makes me feel...insecure. He’s never said or done anything directly but it’s hard to feel good about yourself when all your closest confidants seem to compare you to somebody else, somebody they so clearly hold higher above you. There wasn’t a single day I could meet a mutual friend of mine and Harry’s and not have them sing his praises, and apparently everyone was a mutual friend. I’ve known Julia and Theo for years, we all met in uni when they first started going out but it wasn’t until a year ago that I somehow ended up finding myself a regular within the friendship group they’d formed when they both went into the music and fashion industries. They had ties everywhere and after a pure coincidence of running into them and their circle at a pub, almost all my weekends were spent in various art galleries or new restaurants owned by somebody’s cousin or the guy they met last night at a Fleetwood Mac concert. 

I’d met Harry about five months into hanging out with the group. He’d known them a lot longer than I had, weaving his way into the little pockets of interesting people for years since the x factor. I was busy with work the first few times he was in town but after a while, Nick, the persistent party planner of the group who always managed to wrangle us together, insisted that I just had to meet him.                  . . . . . 

Eleanor’s house is huge and buzzing with hundreds of strangers. I cling to Julia and Theo’s side, Nick and Eleanor are nowhere in sight - most likely playing host or drinking too much chardonnay in another corner of the house. These four are the only people I can say I really know here, sure there are a few familiar faces on the dance floor, either from having met them at any of Eleanor's past elaborate parties or just because of they’re not so subtle fame. That’s another thing, all the people sipping wine and dancing around me are fairly...well known. Either just within the industry or to the general public too, they’d all gain fairly high status. It was a fluke really that I got on so well with Julia when we first met on a fashion course in uni. 

Julia had big goals, all of which she was on track to fulfil, that conflicted slightly with mine. Her goals consisted of runway show models clad in designer brands she might one day contribute to whereas mine were more...anti, that whole world. It took a few years to find a steady footing but eventually, I was proud of where I’d ended up: a comfortable little cubby in the fashion and sustainability columns of a handful of independent magazines. After a few nights out with Julia, I was pleasantly surprised to find her shared interests and solidarity in my work and ambitions of her own within the same ideology. But whilst that’s all well and good, I’m still very much the small indie journalist that slips through the cracks when it comes to small talk at these kinds of events. It became apparent pretty quickly that my latest articles on how fast fashion had begun its destruction of a liveable environment in developing countries weren’t as relevant or interesting to the people promoting Prada and Calvin Klein as the next met gala theme. 

“Do you want another drink?” Theo asks from beside me, pulling my focus from my scan of the room. 

“No thanks..I’m good.” I murmur, debating how long I have to stay before I can slip out and feel a little less awkward around all the people I have no clue how to talk to. “Think I’m gonna head off actually..”

“Look I know you hate networking, but this is just a chill get-together yeah?” Theo chuckles, squeezing my shoulder before taking another sip from his gin and tonic. “We’re in the same boat about these snooty things but tonight’s not like that, relax a bit will ya.” 

Theo works mostly with small-time music artists, producing debut albums and such so we share the same deep discomfort for the many events we often find ourselves at. It’s how we got close really, week after week we’d trail behind Julia as she strikes up conversations with Hollywood elite...and he always makes getting piss drunk in someone’s pool house exceptionally fun. 

Before I can further any excuses about getting home to start on the legitimate and ever-growing pile of work deadlines on my desk, a tall man in far too much Gucci to belong anywhere but in a room full of models and artists makes a beeline straight from the bar to our awkward party. 

“Harry!” Theo shouts, embracing the slightly tipsy man in a hug he reciprocates. 

“It’s been too long mate, how ‘ave you been?” Harry cheers, leaning back from the hug and grinning down at his friend. 

“I’ve been good - busy, enjoying the free bar as always.” Theo jokes, motioning between his and my matching G and T’s. Harry’s eyes wander up from the drink, realisation dawning on his face as he smiles again.

“Ah and you must be the famous Olivia,” He reaches his hand out to mine and shakes it lightly. “Sorry I didn’t introduce myself, ‘m Harry, it’s good to finally meet you, love.”  

“Likewise.” I smile, trying to suppress the blush his words of endearment tease. I can’t deny the natural charm and charisma everyone always talks about now that it’s hitting me straight on. There’s something about the way he doesn’t hesitate to hold eye contact just that little bit longer that makes the room go still for just a second. He’d got it down to a T.

“Aww I see you two have finally met!” Nick interrupts. My hand falls from Harry’s grip as he’s welcomed into another hug. “About fucking time as well, been trying get this one to take a night off for weeks!”

“I literally came out with you last Thursday!” I counter, not missing the smirk setting on Harry’s face as he watches Nick and I’s back and forth. “And the Saturday before, come to think of it I’m always out with you Nicky.” 

“Not when Harry’s in town though n’ that’s a different kinda night.” Nick laughs, his beer sloshing slightly in his free hand as his other remains draped over Harry’s shoulders. 

That was maybe the first sign of my slight resentment for Harry. All night I wandered around with Theo hearing little bits of conversations, all surrounding the star of the party. I understood this wasn’t his doing, his humility was clear in every one of his bashful attempts to turn the conversation away from his growing achievements and onto literally anything else. He was, however, a self-proclaimed narcissist. Every time somebody would swoon over him and insist he stay the topic of conversation, a smirk tugged at his lips and stayed there as he consumed the endless and animated praise from almost all the party guests. 

I’d expected some of his qualities to be untrue, learning from the past never to believe blindly of someone’s pure character when you didn’t truly know them. Especially when they frequented the gossip columns. But it wasn’t him so much, he was true to his motto of kindness and courteous even as people fawned over him, it was more the attention that surrounded him. As the night went on it became clear what Nick meant even if he didn’t know it himself. A night out with Harry was different because everyone made sure to capitalize off how different he made them feel.

. . . . .

“Can I get you anything else M’am?” The young waitress asks as she clears up my empty mug and saucer. My eyes falter a little as they adjust from the blue light of my laptop I’ve been staring at for the last twenty minutes. 

“Um- oh please could I just get a refill?” I ask. 

“Sure thing - mint tea right?” She smiles, adjusting the mug in her hands to make a quick note. 

 “Yeah..s’perfect - thank you.” She’s gone before she hears my delayed gratitudes, definitely used to the throngs of bemused writers tapping away at their laptops for hours. 

I turn back to my open google doc. So far it’s written in two parts I have no idea how to connect and my senseless rereading hasn’t resulted in any legitimate progress in almost an hour. I’d accept the rut I’m stuck in and work on something else for the day if I didn’t only have the day. Last night had been filled with plans of settling in early and finishing the last two thousand words on an upcoming sustainable clothing brand. That all went out the window of course as my phone buzzed off the kitchen counter with Nick’s insistence of yet another night out to celebrate ending the work week - his was quite different to mine. It was easy to ignore the persistent beeping of my phone as new texts and call notifications popped up every three minutes, but less so when the rhythmic bursts of noise were replaced by knocks on my front door. 

Within 40 minutes of opening it to Nick in a silk shirt and jeans too skinny for someone pushing thirty, I was two drinks in and dancing to Blue DeTiger with a pair of hands on my waist that I didn’t entirely recognise. It was just the six of us: Me, Nick, Ellie, Theo, Julia and Harry.

He was hard to ignore, not that I was trying particularly hard. On the drive over, the limited backseat space in Nick’s car and close proximity had practically forced me into his lap. Even with thighs pressed tightly against each other, we hardly talked, a few polite hellos here and there and then silence as we listened to Eleanor recall her latest night with whichever blonde bassist was her ‘soulmate’ that week. The whole ride over, Harry kept his hands on the thigh closest to the door and leant his shoulders the same way as to touch me as little as possible - which was still quite a lot considering the packed five seater pushing seven passengers. It was fairly common knowledge we weren’t close and I got the feeling he wasn’t too keen on me, but he could at least not act like touching me would be the worst thing ever. 

As the night went on he clung to Theo, ever the cuddly drunk, and I stayed more to the pleasant stranger I’d found on the dance floor.

No meanest was ever intended between us but I couldn’t help but watch the kindergarten like bitterness grow as everyone just loved him. We couldn’t go anywhere without a crying fan or two approaching the sweet and smiling man who always answered their questions affectionately and hugged them goodbye. The times he was out of town were always filled with comments about his absence, as if none of us were good enough without his added presence. I couldn’t help but wonder why they even bothered to bring me into their little group. The lack of closeness between Harry and I felt almost like a lack of closeness to the group as a whole, despite how much my individual friendships with everyone advanced. 

Just as I thank the waitress - Alice, her name tag read, and take the first sip of my third tea (I had to switch after a particularly strong starter coffee) I notice a familiar man out the corner of my eye looking just as rough as me. Of course he’s wearing it better than I am. 

Harry collects a drink from the counter and bows his head slightly in thanks, turning and catching my eye just as he’s on his way out. He waves with his free hand and shoots me a candid smile before making a quick change in direction towards my small table. 

“Long time no see,” He pulls the chair opposite me out a little as he chuckles at his own joke. He perches lightly, temporarily. “How’ve you been?”

“A little hungover, I won’t lie..” I laugh, surprised by the whole encounter. “You?” 

“Same, I might have had a shot or two too many,” I nod knowingly and shut my laptop softly. He sips what smells like coffee before going on. “Are ya workin? Sorry to interrupt.” 

“Oh no- I mean I am but it doesn’t matter really, ‘ve kinda hit a dead end.” His eyes hover, waiting for me to go on. “I was gonna get it done last night but Nick had other plans..” 

“Yeah Nick’ll do that to you,” He laughs, “What’re you writing ‘bout?” 

He leans slightly forwards, holding eye contact and shuffling comfortably into his chair. 

“Oh just this promotional piece on a new company, they’re hiring young women and training them to make these handmade clothes. They’re paying them above minimum wage and focusing on sustainability so this editor I’ve written for before offered me it.” I’m not really sure how sincere he is in his curiosity, he always seems to have time to listen when Julia has a new design plan or Theo’s found a new artist but that’s different really. I stop before I start to ramble, just in case. 

“That’s so cool, what kinda stuff are they making?” He prompts, resting his chin on his fist, imitating the posture of an eager little kid. 

“They've started stocking stuff by other independent artists but mostly dungarees and these cool cord trousers, they’d suit you actually, even got some 70s style ones.” Now that the two worlds are colliding in my head, I can’t help but imagine Harry in a pair of their forest green cords, the wide legs would almost bury his vans but a part of me is pretty sure he’d love them. 

“Thanks, if they come at your recommendation I might have to get my hands on a pair,” He smiles, his tone’s a lot different to the usual polite cheer, it’s difficult to place where it’s landed before he’s talking again. “Reminds me of that show you took us to with the upcycled clothes, all those dungarees made of old quilts - remember?” 

It’d been a small exhibit just outside of London I’d mentioned offhandedly and somehow ended up showing everyone around. It was nice to have them all in my world for an evening. Marcus, a friend of mine from college, had put it together and created a lot of the pieces. He and the others I’d met through my work were fairly shocked to say the least when Harry Styles came traipsing through the doors behind me. All night he quietly asked Nick questions, to which Nick only responded by motioning towards me and wandering off to the bar. 

“I do - I’m surprised you do to be honest.” It slips before I can decide if it sounds passive aggressive or not. To be fair, it had been a surprise to me, meeting everyone at the train station and watching Harry and Nick scramble out a taxi and run towards us. He’d been dressed in proper gallery attire and seemed genuinely thrilled to be joining in on the rare night I actually played host. 

“Course I do, it was a good night...I’d choose it over Nick’s tequila Tuesdays anyday.” His phone buzzes on the table, a text popping up in green. “Oh I- my manager’s waiting sorry.” 

A sheepish smile is accompanied by a loose arm movement towards the door where, out on the street, I see Jeff. He’s shaking his head and motioning for Harry to hurry up. Had Harry sat down to talk to me whilst his manager had been waiting this whole time? 

“It was good running into you, good luck with it all,” He stands. “See you friday yeah?” 

I’d totally forgotten about his “Whenever I’m in town Friday film night.” until he mentioned it. I’d been twice in the past and stayed quietly to my corner of the sofa, only watching as everyone else laughed at whatever romcom had been chosen that night. 

“I-maybe.” He shakes his head as I smile, not quite ready to commit a whole evening to watching Nick raid Harry’s wine cellar. 

“You better, I’m gonna need to hear more ‘bout those cords.” He points his hand in a kind of joking reprimand/wave before he’s gone back down the aisle of tables to the door where Jeff ruffles a hand through his hair and laughs when his hands fly to fix the now birdnest of brown curls. 

I open my laptop back up, skimming over the last few lines I wrote to get myself back on track. I take a sip and my tea’s gone cold. 

. . . . .

“Are you coming to Harry’s tonight?” Eleanor asks down the phone, her voice chipper as she no doubt raids her closet. 

“Maybe, I don’t know..I’ve got this deadline Monday morning that I’m nowhere near meeting.” 

“Come on Liv, we haven’t seen you all properly together since last month, and last week doesn’t count it was too loud to actually talk!” She chimes in, the sound of clothes being tossed to the floor clear in the distant background. “Have you got a problem with Harry or something?” 

“No Elle, of course I don’t-” 

“Then why do you guys never talk? You hardly come with us when he’s around and when you do you barely even say hello.” Eleanor complains, she’s mentioned it in the past but it’s been easy to blow off with excuses of how busy he usually was making his way around the room to greet everyone or how we just hadn’t known each other that long and weren't particularly close yet. 

“I just...I don’t know, I don’t think he likes me very much.” I pause. I still haven't decided what last Saturday was in the cafe. “We’re not really close and I’d prefer not to spend another night listening to people tell him - and everyone else - how great he is.” 

“You’re saying that like he’s some arrogant twit, if you came out with us more you’d see what he’s really like around his friends. Or you know, you could actually talk to him when we’re together and see that he’s not a dick?” 

It was a fair point. I haven’t made much of an effort over the past year to spend any time with him outside of larger gatherings or to have genuine conversations with him that went past the weather or a new jacket one of us had on. Maybe he really is a good guy away from all the pretentious crowds and watchful eyes he usually called to our group. He’d certainly seemed different in the quiet Saturday surroundings of Blondies Coffee Roasters in between sips of coffee. 

“Okay, okay yeah I’ll see you there.” We hang up a couple of minutes later and I’m left alone in my kitchen again.

. . . . . 

“Hey!” Harry cheers as the door swings open to reveal him in yet another pair of flared pants that hung comfortably around his waist. “Come in, come in.” 

We all pile in through the doorway as he steps aside. Arms weaving through each other as we hang coats and jackets and Julia passes Harry the fruit platter she’d made (and scolded us all for picking at on the drive over.) 

“Oh very appropriate,” Harry laughs as he uncovers the tray to reveal an array of sliced watermelon, strawberries and grapes, He sets the fruit down on the table in the lounge for us all to eat and shakes his head lightly. I look up at Julia for an explanation but she’s too busy claiming the comfiest loveseat for the night. “I’m never telling you anything again, Jules.” 

Julia and Harry tease each other for a moment more until Theo catches my confused stares and laughs to himself. 

“Harry wrote a song ‘bout fruit- another one actually,” Theo starts, tucking himself beside Julia and letting her take over before he can finish. “S’not just about fruit though is it H?” 

Harry blushes slightly and settles his glare on Julia as he carries six wine glasses through to the table. 

“‘S about watermelon, it just has some..” He clears his throat as he fumbles for his next sentence. “Other themes to it too.” 

“As if mate,” Theo’s laughter booms, “ Basically Liv, he wrote this new song the other day all about how much he loves to-” 

“Watermelon!” Harry yells, pointing an accusatory finger at Theo. “S’all about how much I love watermelons...I’m a fruit guy.” 

“Oh are we talking about the pussy song?” 

All heads snap round to see Nick, obviously having let himself in and now chuckling softly to himself as he leans against the archway into the room. 

“Oh sorry H, were you tryna give an interview answer?” 

Harry just slaps his palm over his eyes and lets his shoulders shake for a minute before he bounces back to host mode. 

“Okay!” I can’t help but notice how flushed the tips of his ears are as he claps his hands together, desperately trying to move on from the conversation. “Who wants wine?” 

Fifteen minutes later everyone is settled onto the sofas with an array of throws between us and a layout of fruits, crisps and other mid rom com snacks that make me feel bad I left my flat in too much of a hurry to remember anything but hummus. 

“Okay - Sixteen Candles, When Harry Met Sally or Mamma Mia?” Nick calls out, waving the tv remote above his head to get everyone's attention. An outpour of votes follows - you’d think between only six of us we’d be able to sort out a process by now but still we fall into momentary anarchy as the room divides. 

“Mamma Mia is a classic!” Eleanor protests as Nick’s shaking his head. 

“And Billy Crystal isn’t?” He yells back, eyes wide and genuinely offended. 

“Colin Firth is arguably more iconic, Nick really, come on.” Theo sighs. He accepts the high fives Ellie and I reach out to him and saluts us both. 

“We’ve all seen Mamma Mia before though, we’ve never watched When Harry Met Sally all together,” Julia points out, winning a smirk and nod of approval from Nick. 

There’s a beat of silence while Nick weighs up the votes in his head. He tilts to the side slightly and eyes Harry up, our gazes following. 

“Harry?” 

“Ellie?” 

“Come on, you’ve got the last vote here, and I know how much you like Meryl.” Nick gasps a little, the mention of Meryl Streep as a wager to win Harry over to his opposing team was definitely foul play in his eyes. 

“Yeah but he loves When Harry Met Sally...and he is a narcissist..” Julia offers into the debate, a few snickers follow her comment before we all turn to look at Harry. We’re all already half a glass in but I could swear for just a moment his eyes lingered over me, fluttering down to my smile before turning back to announce his decision to Nick. 

“I’m afraid I am in the mood for a bit of Abba,” Cheers and not so subtle murmurs of frustration fill the lounge as Nick scrolls through the Romance bar on Netflix before clicking on the film of just over half of our choosing. 

Everyone goes quiet as the film starts, breaking out into bursts of song only as the cast does. From the conversation in the car, it’s pretty clear everyone has just been through a pretty tiring week. We all tended to pile our workload a little heavy so it was always nice to escape for a few hours at the weekend and relax together.

Just as Voulez-vous plays through the room, a slightly tipsy Nick leans into Harry to serenade the singer with his own rendition. The duo sway slightly, both narrowly avoiding Nick’s wild limbs before there’s a crash and Harry’s cursing. 

“Oh- H, Sorry!” 

Nick’s wine glass that’d been balanced on the coffee table in front of him moments before now lays on its side. The, luckily white, wine trickles down onto the rug but most noticeably splashes into Harry’s lap. I’m not entirely sure how he managed it, it must have flown forwards when it was knocked but Harry quickly stands to access the damage. 

“I’m so sorry Harry I-” 

“Don’t worry mate, I’m just gonna go change and toss these in the wash..could you wipe that up for me?” Nick nods, looking a little less cheerful and a lot more guilty now as Harry makes it way out the room. He calls behind him: “Keep watching I’ll only be a second!” 

Nick finishes wiping down the table and rug just as Harry jogs back into the room. I don’t mean to and I’m never one to check people out..unless very subtly, but I can’t help but let my eyes linger a little. 

He’s still in his plain tee but instead of his fancy pants he’s found some soft wash denim jeans. The whole look paired with his thick rimmed glasses and how his hair's gotten tousled about by Nick throughout the night just made him look so...ordinary. Not in any bad way, anyone who met Harry knew he could never be ordinary, no matter how casual he dressed, but something about seeing him abandon the more dressed up looks and go for the comfortable option just made him seem different. 

In a second his green eyes are complimenting the look too as he gazes down at me. 

“Hi,” He mouths, nobody’s taken much notice of his return, yet another musical number taking everyone’s attention. It’s my turn to blush a little now. I avert my eyes quickly, anywhere really, before sneaking a quick look up at him to smile back. 

Ellie had helped Nick in the “For fucksake save Harry’s rug it probably costs more than your car” mission and had stolen the seat beside him after they were done. It slipped my mind until Harry set the new bottle of wine on the table and sunk down into the space beside me, He curls one leg underneath him and slips me one more smile before turning back to the screen just as Donna and Sam start singing SOS.

. . . . . 

“Ah shit, I think I left my book!” I curse just as we make it down the road to Julia’s car. Parking was shit so by the time we found a spot we’d ended up a good 15 minutes away from Harry’s house. “You guys go on, I’m only round the corner anyway.” 

Theo and Julia were familiar with my stubbornness so let me go, yelling their goodbyes after a few hugs as they drove away, Ellie and Nick do the same as they clamber into a taxi. I turn quickly in the chilly air and make my way back down the street to Harry’s drive, punching in the familiar code at his gate before running up to the door hastily. 

It was open - as always, so I let myself in. He was probably still cleaning the lounge up after we all got a little too tipsy. 

“Hey it’s me...just left my book sorry!” I call down the hallway. It’s quiet despite the light Paul Simon playing in the distance so I make my way quickly to the sofas I’d spent most of the night on, praying to avoid an awkward run-in with Harry. 

Although we’d actually shared some light conversation throughout the night and a handful of smiles, I’m not sure we’re quite at the stage in our friendship that me more or less breaking into his house wouldn’t be awkward to run into. 

The lounge is empty when I get there. The side tables are still littered with wine glasses and tacky red rings on coasters but no Harry in sight. Or book for that matter. 

I start pulling back the cushions carefully - god knows how much they cost. Despite scouring the one spot I’d pretty much clung to the whole night -  incidentally beside Harry -  I have no luck. Nick tossed the book back to me at some point in the night after reading it by my recommendation but knowing him it could have ended up anyway. I follow the breadcrumbs of our night down another hallway as I vaguely remember Nick talking about a certain plot twist as we searched Harry’s kitchen cupboards for the wine he’d sent us off to restock. 

As I come around the white archway into his kitchen I catch a glimpse of him from around the kitchen island. He has his back turned to me but he’s leant forwards against a counter with ring covered fingers clutching the edge, a glass of amber liquid set slightly away from him. 

“Oh, sorry I was just-” He jumps a little at my voice, turning quickly to face me with his now free hands coming up to hold his chest. When his eyes finally meet mine they’re red and it takes a second for him to register the tears still streaming from them before he replies. 

“Shit, fu- what are you..are you alright?” His hands bat between tangling into his hair and wiping the tears from his cheeks, anything to avoid actually looking up at me again. 

“Yeah, I just..um..left my book,” I mumble, taking a step closer to him when I notice how his hands shake as they move timidly around his face. “Harry, what’s wrong?”

“Uuuh um.” He wanders for a moment before slapping a palm lightly atop the counter and pulling out his infamous grin. “Nothing much, how bout you - find your book?” 

“-Harry..” I take another step close, “I know we’re not, ya know..close. But you can talk to me.” 

There’s a beat of silence when he keeps up the act, I’d almost believe it if it wasn’t for his bloodshot eyes and anxious fingers drumming against the tile. 

“What’s wrong?” 

He pauses for a moment, assessing whether or not to tell me whatever’s weighing so heavy on his shoulders. But the dam bursts. 

“Fuckin’ everything Love” He laughs, rubbing his palms over his face. I try to focus on the matter at hand: Harry weeping in his kitchen. But that name’s only ever left his mouth directed at me a handful of times and it’s never made my stomach flutter quite as it did just now. “Just..Fuck I’m so lonely Olivia.” 

I don’t really know any of the details but between conversation - mostly overheard, and the media frenzy, it was hard not to be aware of Harry’s break up two months ago. I can’t claim we were close enough to discuss it, having hardly ever talked beyond trivial issues, but I knew that despite them only being together two or so months, he’d been incredibly distant for the weeks that followed the break up. 

“I hear about you and Aubre..I’m really sorry it didn’t work out for you guys-” Harry laughs almost, a pained sort of chuckle that told me I was way off with this one. 

“It’s not..that isn’t why I..” He takes a deep breath before lifting his head up slightly to focus on where his fingers still tapped out a nervous beat on the counter. “I was lonely before her...and with her. I just, I can’t seem to get it right ever...feels like nobody wants to be with me for the right reasons.” 

“Hey no..what about tonight? Your house was full of so many people who love you yeah? Maybe your bougie wine collection had something to do with it but still,” He laughs at that, peeking up from behind his fringe for just a moment. “They- we love you ‘k?” 

“I know but, ‘clock hits the am and everyone leaves, it just gets...it gets so fucking lonely to see everyone in perfect pairs ya know?” 

I don’t really know what I’m doing but I’m doing it - my arms wrap over his shoulders and lock with a hand at the nape of his neck. We’ve never hugged before beyond a general greeting but anyone watching wouldn’t know it, his face burrows quickly into my shoulder and his arms cocoon over my waist, holding me tightly and slipping under the thick layers of my jacket. 

“I know exactly what you mean, H.” 

The hug lasts longer than I imagined it might. He smells of vanilla and the coffee he brought back in bulk from Jamaica. He lets out a shaky breath and melts further into me, nuzzling my neck softly with the tip of his nose. His curls are soft between my fingers and I find myself shhing him, lulling us both into a tired kind of calm. 

Another moment passes in the silence of his kitchen before Harry lets out an awkward cough and straightens up, pulling out of our hold and immediately covering his face with his palms again. 

“I..sorry Jules and Theo must be waiting for you..” Harry murmured, wiping the last of his tears away and letting his hands fall and fidget by his sides. 

“Oh no don’t worry they..um they already went I was actually just gonna walk.” I tell him, making his head perk up a bit. 

“Wha-It’s past twelve Liv it’s not safe, how far do you even live?” He clears his throat and his voice is clearer now, it feels like a whole different world to the one we were in just a minute ago. 

“It’s fine honestly, only take like thirty minutes walking - I’ve done it before-” I ramble, eager to put this situation behind me before I embarrass myself anymore. 

“No - let me drive you yeah?” Harry shakes his head, adamant. 

“Harry..we’ve been drinking all night, I think that’s more dangerous than me jus’ walking.” I laugh, holding his gaze for a second longer than I usually would - fuck, how do we usually act around each other?

Before I come to a conclusion, his eyes rest heavy on mine and I can see the cogs turning in his brain as he tries to work his way out of this one. Ever the people pleaser. 

“Then stay.” 

“Harry-”

“You said you know how it feels.” He cuts in, unwavering now as he doesn’t let my eyes fall from his. “So stay …’s safer anyway.” 

. . . . . 

“I can take the sofa, really Harry I don’t mind,” I reassure as he tosses me an old t-shirt and joggers to sleep in. “It’s comfier than my bed anyway. 

His guest bedrooms had just been painted and were still pretty fume filled so the sofa or his bed were the only options. For twenty minutes now he’s tried to convince me to take his bed and leave him on the sofa, despite the fact we both know he’s a little too tall to sleep without his feet hanging off the end. 

“But you’re my guest!” He protests again, coming up from his wardrobe to stand in front of me, hand on hips and an expression of concern on his face. 

“And you’re almost six foot!” 

“Hey, I am six foot.” He takes a deep breathe, exhaling through his nose in defeat before speaking again. “Okay, you can sleep on the sofa but if anyone asks I was the perfect host and you bullied me into this.” 

I laugh softly, this whole new side of Harry had never been directed solely at me before and it was honestly refreshing. Usually Nick or another friend was the target of his jokes and playful demeanor and I only noticed it from afar but now he was right in front of me, hauling pillows off his bed and sticking his tongue out when he caught me staring. 

“Are you sure you’ll be alright?” He asks for the third time since I agreed to stay the night. We’ve just finished setting up the sofa to sleep on and despite the duvet and many quilts far more lush than my own actual bed, he seemed unconvinced it was enough. 

“I’m sure” I sit back into the pile of blankets and pillows, tucking my feet underneath me and looking back up at Harry. “If you’re really not, just come watch a film with me and see how cozy it is.” 

The quick change in dynamic was a lot smoother than I’d imagined. Within an hour of being alone together we’d already talked more than in all our past interactions, not to mention how close we’ve gotten. He only nods his head quickly and he’s settling under a quilt beside me, rummaging around for a controller to pull up netflix again. 

“Mamma Mia two?” He asks. 

I chuckle a bit and nod. At the beginning of the evening I hadn’t quite seen it ending in a Mamma Mia marathon with just me and Harry. 

He presses play and as the opening display begins we both lean back into the sofa and pull the blankets up over us. It’s only in the quiet of the first few scenes that I notice we’re matching. We’re both dressed fully in his clothes, grey joggers and t-shirt - his rolling stones, mine fleetwood mac. And it all smells of him. I pull the blanket a little higher over my chest and the faint, but now familiar, scent of vanilla and coffee fills my lungs and for a second all I can focus on is how desperately I want to be in his arms again. 

. . . . .

“-ow” A groggy voice mumbles from above me and I feel myself being pulled forwards slightly against something hard - and warm. 

I’m a few seconds from falling straight back asleep before I feel the painful ache in the side of my neck. I reach a hand up to gauge my current situation and feel my fingers plunging into soft hair - soft hair that ends too soon to be mine. 

“Hi..” I recoil my hand quickly back to my side and push myself up so I’m sitting slightly. I look down and see Harry, half asleep still and hand still resting on my side. 

“Oh-hey sorry,” What do you say when you wake up beside the guy you barely knew but simultaneously had been incredibly vulnerable with just the night before? 

Harry seems to be waking up now and certainly more aware of our predicament as he pulls his hand away from where it was holding firmly onto the material of my - his - t-shirt and pushes himself up to sit against the arm of the sofa. 

“We must have fallen asleep..sorry I didn’t mean too, ya know…” His eyes flutter between where I sit opposite him and the “Are you still watching?” Netflix screen. 

“It’s fine, accidents happen an’ everything.” I smile, slipping out from the warm cocoon of blankets to stand. “I’m just gonna wash up quickly and I’ll be out of you hair.” 

Before I can rush off to tame my hair and hopefully find some toothpaste to rid me of my morning breath, Harry clasps his hand gently around my wrist and tugs slightly to get my attention. 

“Not in a rush Love, I’ll make us some breakfast.” He says it effortlessly, like it was a regular occurrence for us to fall asleep cuddling on his sofa. He stands, groaning as his knees pop appreciatively and lets my hand go before he’s disappearing into the kitchen.

“Okay…” I murmur to myself. “....okay.” 

. . . . .  

Alice is back at my table with my second refill before 11am. I thank her and take a gulp of the fiery ginger tea before reading over the last three paragraphs I just wrote. The spice licks my tongue as I tip the cup up for a second sip; it’s autumn after all. 

In the last two weeks September had slipped into October and all the trees in London had received the memo. I’d been busy, hoaled up in the quietest corner of Blondies the whole time with coffee filling all my senses. I haven’t seen everyone together since that night at Harry’s. I grabbed lunch with Eleanor the Monday afterwards and told her nothing, preferring to avoid the texts my phone amassed over the fortnight. I've turned down all proposed group activities and focused on work instead. To be fair, I do have a lot to get done. There were always seasonal pieces in my to do list and with the weather getting colder it was time I got to them before it was Christmas already. 

I haven’t talked to Harry either. He made us pancakes with blueberries and maple syrup in the morning and we haven’t even texted since; I’m not sure that we even have a private text between us. Eleanor and Julia have told me how much fun they’ve all had the times I’ve politely but persistently declined, I can only assume Harry’s in the mix with them all. He’s in town for awhile if I’m remembering our breakfast chatter correctly, it makes sense that they’re all hanging out together really when they don’t often get time together. Ellie’s phone calls keep me from sliding into thoughts of how easily I could fall right out of the group and not be missed, at least. I was just taking space for work. The fact that most of my afternoons at the cafe disappeared into me analysing anything I might ever have felt or said to Harry means nothing at all. 

Neither does the heightened pace of my heartbeat when he walks through the stiff wooden  doors of Blondies. 

He orders what I assume is his regular black coffee, scans the room for a second and lands directly on me. He hesitates a little to hold my gaze, turning his head to look outside before looking back at me and smiling. He thanks the server and takes a few quick steps towards me, weaving in between the packed tables to my little spot hidden away in the corner. 

“Hi,” He smiles again, although his toneos overshadowed by a slight anxious hilt. “Can I sit?” 

Nodding, I close my laptop and pull my tea closer to me to make a space for him. 

“Hi.” He repeats, smiling a little sheepishly. 

“Hi,” I wait a second, nervous to start when I’m so unsure of how this conversation has already gone in his head. But he doesn’t say anything so I push through and bite the bullet against my better judgement. “Look, about that Friday I-”

“Can I just-” He cuts me off, leaning forwards and opening his hands out as he mulls over his next few words. “I’m sorry if it was awkward at all, I didn’t mean for anything to happen and I thought we were fine an’ everything but then I haven’t seen you in two weeks and Ellie keeps saying you’re not comin’ out. Did I do something wrong?” 

“Oh god no,” I hurry, “You didn’t do anything it was just - I didn’t expect to wake up..like that...and it was just a really quick change because we’ve never really been close and suddenly it was just, us, like that.” 

He nods, pushing a loose curl back a second later that broke free in the motion. He seems understanding as he looks down before leaning his elbows against the table so only the two of us can hear what he’s about to say. 

“I know, I didn’t expect it either but, can I just tell you I’m glad that it happened?” He leaves a three second pause for me to flounder in confusion before continuing. “What I told you, ‘bout feeling lonely, it messes with my sleep all the time. I just get stuck in my own thoughts but the night you stayed over I slept fine - perfect even.”

Not sure what else to do with this new information, I nod for him to continue.

“I know we’ve never been close, but hanging out with you just really calmed me down.” He smiles, gaining confidence now in his vulnerability tucked away in our little hiding place. “Thank you for staying.” 

“I get what you mean.” I mumble, slightly anxious any of the busy customers with prying eyes could overhear my confession. “I never really know when to stop working and I think I got the best night sleep on your sofa I’ve had in awhile, which really speaks volumes about how crappy my mattress is.”  

He chuckles. Relief seems to settle in as he lets his shoulders relax and face soften. 

“I was thinking - especially now that I know it was good for you as well, maybe it could become more of a regular thing?” He asks, his forefinger and thumb pinch together and twist one of his rings a little - a nervous habit, I’m sure. 

“How do you mean?” 

“Like..when we all go out, maybe we go home together, you know - so we can sleep better.” He moves down to focus on the metal rose he’s still fumbling at. “If..if you don’t want to or you think it’d be weird it’s fi-” 

“I’d like that.” I reach forwards to comfort him, absentmindedly cupping my fingers around his. “I think it’d be nice, to get a good night's sleep I mean.” 

“I’m glad.” He beams.

“..That and you make a mean blueberry pancake.” I tease, earning a light chuckle from Harry. 

Just like our last cafe encounter, the ping of a his phone beats me to my new few words. He checks it quickly, shaking his head and glancing down the large room to the shop front where, once again, Jeff waits. He seems a little more agitated this time, waving vigorously whilst trying not to attract the attention of passersby, all  rather unsuccessfully. 

“Bollocks okay - I’ve gotta go,” Harry swears, collecting his coffee from the table and pushing his chair back quickly. “I’ll just - we can text before we go out next yeah?” 

“Cool, yeah - wait a sec, let me just give you my number.” I reach up for him to hand me his phone but he doesn’t make any effort to move, instead he blushes slightly and stares at the floor. “..What?” 

“I um, I already have it.” He fiddles with the hair at the nape of his neck before talking again. It’s hard not to remember how it felt when it was my fingers carding through his brown curls. “I got it from Theo awhile back when we were going to this thing, felt weird not having it. I hope that..okay and everythin’” 

I nod, smiling up at him. The idea of him having a part of me for this past year without me even knowing is oddly precious. The fact that he felt odd about not having my number and going to the effort of getting it from Theo was unbelievably endearing. 

“That’s fine, helpful actually.” I smile still, “Text me before we meet everyone and we’ll make a plan or somethin’” 

“Okay,” He smirks, his slight cocky nature reemerging. “Will do, Liv. See you soon?” 

“See you soon.” 

Jeff flies a hand up to his hair like before but this time is met with a grinning Harry who doesn’t seem to mind so much. 

. . . . . 

Unknown Number 

‘Hey! Is tonight good? We can slip off after drinks at the gallery. H x’ 

I look down at my phone. Caught off guard by the sudden text, I’d almost forgotten out arrangement. Julia invited us all to a gallery opening of one of her friend's new exhibits. Even as I flicked through my wardrobe for the right jacket, I hadn’t put two and two together and realised I’d be seeing Harry again for the first time since our chat at Blondies four days ago. 

I save his number and I think quickly, not wanting to leave him on read when he knew I’d be leaving to see them all any second and most likely spend the whole tube journey on my phone. 

‘Hi :) That’d work for me yh, just let me know when you want to leave and I’ll make an excuse. Liv x’ 

With another thought rushing through my head, I send a quick follow up. 

Me

‘Can we keep this between us right now? Might be a bit tricky to explain to the others.” 

Harry

‘Read my mind love.’

‘See you in a bit :)’ 

I’m still not the hugest fan of the airy feeling that rushed through my stomach as I read over the pet name. He was just from Manchester, it was normal up there to call everything by casually affectionate little names. It didn’t mean anything at all. 

. . . . . 

“Livia!” Nick calls out when he sees me scanning over the faces at the entrance to the gallery. I smile instantly and make my way over, quickly falling into his arms as he rocks us for a second. “Haven’t seen you in an age!” 

“‘Ve been working, we can’t all piss about Monday to Friday.” I giggle, smiling wide as he murmurs something under his breath and plants a big kiss on my cheek. “Is everyone here?” 

I try not to look suspicious when I peak over around us, trying to pick a certain brunette from the crowd.

“Yeah, they’re just over there with Julia’s friend.” Nick points and I see him immediately. He’s dressed just as I expected - half gucci half grandpa sweaters. “I’m gonna get us drinks, meet you there?” 

“Mhmmm” I hum, breaking out of his hold and slipping through the crowds to our small group of friends. 

“Hi!” Julia smiles brightly. She hugs me quickly before stepping aside to give Eleanor and Theo their turns. They all whisper quiet ‘Missed yous’ in my ear as if I’ve been gone for years. 

“Hey,” Harry appears by my side as everyone else turns their attention to the front of the crowd where it looks like the artist is setting up to introduce the night. “How’ve you been?” 

“In the last four days?” I chuckle, “Good. Not been sleeping great, but I’ve got a lot of work done so that’s been great.” 

He nods approvingly. A smile tugs at his lips at the mention of sleep, almost like some secret inside joke we’ve managed to form between just the two of us. 

“Me neither. Jeff’s been buggin’ me what feels like every hour with deadlines.” I find myself squeezing his hand a little under his long coat sleeves so nobody can see. “Looking forward to just collapsing tonight, if I’m honest.” 

“Me too.” I smile tiredly, tonight had been a big ask come to think of it. I've had work piled up twice my height all week and even having worked day in and day out I’ve still only made a crack in the mountain of final edits and emails to respond to.

Harry squeezes my fingers back and our hands linger in each other's hold until Nick emerges beside us and the artist begins her speech. 

. . . . .

 The comfortable chatter surrounding the booth we’d taken up a few hours ago died down as the clock ticked later and later. We’d left the gallery a while ago now in favour of the after party at a pub down the road but by now the heavy scent of beers and various gin based concoctions were giving us all headaches. 

“I think I’m gonna call it a night guys,” Harry announces, a slew of groans following from the group. “Sorry, sorry! It’s been great but it’s getting late.” 

Julia and Theo move out the way to let him out the booth. He slides across the red cushion to stand, pulling his coat over himself as he sneaks a quick look at me. 

“I think I’m gonna head off too,” I smile, waiting for Eleanour to stand and let me out as another wave of complaints flooded me. “Sorry! I’ve got work and the tube’ll be hell any later.” 

“Well if Harry’s going too couldn’t he take you home?” Julia suggests, looking between the two of us as we now stand slightly away from each other. “You drove right?” 

“Yeah, I did.” Harry turns to smile at me, amused clearly by how our plan was being unknowingly encouraged by our friends. “C’mon, I’ll drive yeh.” 

I nod, biting back a smirk. We say our goodbyes and wave as we slip out the heavy pub doors out onto the road outside. It’s started to drizzle slightly and I resent choosing the jacket without a hood. 

“I’m just over here,” Harry points a little ways off. “Hurry, think it’s about to pour.” 

We walk quickly down the street and through a metal gate into a car park when there’s a loud rumble of thunder and immediately the rain thickens. 

“Fuck!” Harry laughs as he scrambles for his keys, we match each other's paces until we’re practically sprinting to his car in the far corner of the lot. The click of the locks sounds out and his lights flash red a second before we’re both pulling the doors open and throwing ourselves inside onto warm seats. 

We catch our breath, chests rising and falling with uneven pants before our laughter settles and Harry slots the keys into the ignition. 

. . . . . 

“Do you want anything to eat?” Harry asks as he closes his front door behind us and we kick out shoes off in his hall. “I think I have some takeout menus somewhere..” 

“I’m not really hungry, thanks though,” I cut off his search as he walks through to his kitchen and starts opening draws. “Kinda just wanna go to bed now.” 

He nods and rubs a hand under his eye in silent agreement of my exhaustion.

“I’ll make us a tea, meet you up there yeah?” He calls over his shoulder, having turned quickly to retrieve various packets from his cupboards. “Chamomile okay?” 

“Yeah chamomiles good,” I hover for a second in the archway leading into the kitchen, suddenly awkward to be alone in his house again. “Where um..where is it?” 

He looks over his shoulder at me, slightly confused. His eye brows unfurrow when I motion behind me. 

“Oh- just up the stairs and third room down the hall..on the left.” He smiles, turning back to the cupboard to look through his extensive mug collection. 

I nod to myself, spinning on my heel and making my way up his stairs. I’ve never gone beyond the downstairs of his house before and even then I stuck to the kitchen, dining room and lounge. It felt odd to suddenly have access to something as intimate as his bedroom, I try not to overthink things as I push open the third door I see.

The first thing I see is his large bed, there’s probably enough room for three people on it and there’s definitely enough pillows to go around. The room as a whole is tidy, whether it’s always like that or only organised so precisely for my visit, I don’t know, but the thought makes my stomach flutter. 

I walk up to the side of the bed with no charger on it’s table and set my bag down. We hadn’t talked about the logistics of our...arrangement, but I’d brought the basics to last me through the night. I plug my charger into the wall and take out my wash bag and a set of clothes to sleep in before sliding my bag under the table. I look around for a second. Somehow I hadn’t really thought through the fact that by the end of the night, I’d be in Harry’s bed. With Harry. In a completely platonic way with the only function to soothe our mutually crappy sleeping habits. 

I hear Harry walking up the stairs just as I slip into the un suit to wash up and get changed. He’s humming a song under his breath. The clink of mugs being set down is followed by wardrobe doors opening and closing and a light thud of clothes being thrown on the bed. 

I wait a few minutes to make sure I don’t walk in on him changing. Opening the door tentatively, I step out into the room in a large sweater and pajama shorts. Harry turns to look at me, he’s in the same t-shirt he wore last time and a pair of boxer shorts and the whole situation suddenly seems so amusing. After just one night of falling asleep on the sofa together, not having ever talked before, here we are standing at our most vulnerable about to cuddle in his bed together.

“Hi.” 

“Hey,” He nods, looking down at himself. “Hope this is okay...I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or-” 

“It’s fine,” I reassure him, “I didn’t really know what to wear either.” 

His eyes flicker down my body and he smiles back up at me. He motions to the bed and we both nod a little awkwardly before making our way over to our sides. I climb in and instantly let a small groan out as my body sinks into the mattress, the pillows and duvet feel almost like a cloud as I burrow under and pull my tea up to my lips. 

Harry chuckles from beside me, I peak over the mug to seem him grinning down from where he sits slightly taller in the bed.

“Sorry, you look comfy.” He laughs a little, 

“I am, your bed’s insane.” I set my mug down and turn to him, bouncing slightly to emphasise the quality of his mattress that probably cost more than a year of my rent. “I really should start earning millions, feel like it’d suit me.” 

He returns his tea to the bedside table and copies me, turning to face me with his legs crossed. 

“It definitely would.” He smiles, bouncing a little before I let out a yawn. “Tired?” 

“Exhausted.” I mumble, hand still covering half my face. Harry reaches behind him to turn to switch the lights above his headboard off before pulling the duvet back for us to slip under.

“C’mere,” Without hesitating, I shuffle back slightly until I can feel his chest behind me and an arm come up to rest around my hip. “‘This okay?” 

“Mhmmm,” I hum, “What about our teeth?”

“We’ll brush ‘em in the morning,” I nod, groaning again as all the aches in my body subside as I sink into his arms and the foam mattress. “You okay?” 

“Yeah,” I mumble, embarrassed to have let myself go so easily around him. “Your mattress is just unbelievable. Might have to make this a regular thing.” 

I speak before I think, mind clouded with sleep and my eyes already fighting to stay open. 

“That’s the plan, love.” 

. . . . . 

When I wake up, Harry’s arms are tight around my middle and his body’s like a furnace behind me. I vaguely recall pulling my sweater off in the night to cool down as I lay now only in a vest and shorts. I slept better than I have in months though, despite the warm breaths on my neck turning my cheeks flushed. 

The mix of Harry’s company and his safe haven of a mattress made for the perfect night sleep. I push back slightly into his chest and feel his arms tighten around me and a low murmur of his voice in my ear. The clock on my bedside table reads 6:30. It’s a Saturday and I can quite easily imagine spending the rest of my day - weekend even, exactly like this. 

I slip back to sleep for a little awhile before I’m woken up to a low groan behind me. Harry shifts slightly, burying his face in the base of my neck and squeezing around my waist again. He must still be half asleep to be this comfortable with me. 

I’m proven right when it takes another fifteen minutes for him to poke his head up over my shoulder and mumble: 

“Breakfast?” 

. . . . . 

Our routine works smoothly for weeks. After sleeping so well the first few times, it became a given that we’d pile into Harry’s car after every night out with our friends and go back to his. Sometimes we’d get takeout or watch a film, but it wasn’t so rare that we’d just stumble out of his car, or a taxi - depending what the night had entailed, and walk with eyes almost closed straight to bed. 

I stopped bringing things every night about two weeks in when a new toothbrush appeared next to Harrys and an oversized t-shirt of Harrys found its way onto my side of the bed. We also ditched the awkward pleasantries. Spending two or three nights a week in his house, I’d become pretty familiar with it all. I sometimes brought us breakfast if it was a weekend, or left a coffee beside the bed for him if I left for work first, We had very easily slipped into an oddly familiar sense of domesticity. It was strange to never mention any of it to our friends, it made it special though. We helped each other, and it was all just between the two of us. Nobody else knew Harry taught me how to make coffee just the way he likes it, or that we share his lavender shampoo sometimes. 

“Ols?” Harry calls up the stairs to me. We’re running late to Julia and Theos anniversary dinner. 

“Coming!” I yell back, reaching into his wardrobe to snatch a jacket before running down the stares. 

“Oi! Slow down love, you’re gonna fall,” He complains, holding his hands out at the bottom of the stairs to catch me as I skid a little on the wooden floors of his hallway. “Hey! This’s mine!” 

He tugs playfully on the opening of his jacket. I pull the fabric from his grasp and smile up at him. 

“Not anymore…” He scrunches his nose up and pulls me towards him. The sudden movement pushed the air from my lungs suddenly. “-Fine! Just for tonight...nobody’ll notice anyway, you only just got his one.” 

He shakes his head, bringing his fingers up to tickles across my stomach quickly before letting me go and clapping his hands. 

“Shoes now!” He points down at my sock clad feet, “Come on we’re late already.” 

I sling my bag over my shoulder and slip my boots on before trailing after him to the front door. He’s pulled his large green coat off the hangar before he’s looking back down at me, brows pulled together in confusion. 

“What’ve got yeh bag for?” 

“Ah see Harry, I tend not to leave my stuff places I don’t actually live.” I laugh.

“You’re not coming back tonight?” The confusion’s not joined by a hint of sadness as his hands fall from the door knob and he turns to face front on. 

“Oh I..hadn’t thought ‘bout that. I’ve gotta water my plants.” I haven't been home in two days, I spent the whole day at Blondies yesterday then headed to Harry's after a few drinks with him and Nick. We’ve hung out around his house all day, sleeping in and finishing our last few bits of work for the week. “I can let them go a little dry I guess-” 

“Can I come to yours?” Harry cuts me off to ask. “It’s just, I haven’t ever seen it..and that way your plant’ll be fine.” 

I stay quiet for a second. Our world of sleepovers and movie marathons and home made curries for dinner existed within his house. My flat was small in comparisons to the homes of our friends, who were all, delicately put, pretty well off. Not that I wasn’t, I’d just gone into a lower paying area of my industry. I lived alone anyway so there wasn’t much point paying thousands in rent when I didn’t need much space. 

“It’s fine it you want a night to yourself I can just-” 

“It’s not that, H, I just didn't really think about how we only ever come here.” I mumble the last part, “Come back to mine, I don’t feel like going back on my own anyways.” 

I smile a little, unsure of where we stand on the whole admitting we’d grown pretty dependent on each other’s presence, front. He smiles back, twisting the door open and holding it for me as I slip under his arm. 

The car clicks unlocked and I settle into my seat. I reach over to push my seat belt in as Harry pulls his door shut and the car rumbles to a start. 

“Can’t believe Jules and T have been together so long.” He sighs as we pull out onto the main road. 

“Tell me about it,” I gaze out the window as rain dribbles lightly. “Feels like the year just went straight by.”

“They seem so happy still, like they’re still honeymooning,” Harry hums. 

“I remember when they just started going out in Uni, even then it was obvious they’d end up together.” 

“I like those kinds of people. The ones who make each other just completely themselves, ya know?” He glances over at me before turning back to the road. 

“Yeah...they’re proper soulmates aren’t they.” 

. . . . . 

“Okay but seriously, what the fuck is up with you and Harry?” Eleanor bursts out as soon as we reach the bar. We’ve been sent off to get the third round whilst the others stayed at our favourite booth of the pub we frequented. 

“Wait what?” I yell over the loud chatter of the pub, “What do you mean?” 

“You know what I mean!” She’s still waving her hand out for the bartender when she glances down at me again. “You’re tryna say you’re suddenly so close and nothing’s happened between you?” 

“We’re not that close.” I quip, “We’ve just talked a bit more lately, I guess.”

“And nothing’s happened?”  She raised a brow at me suspiciously. “You guys have left together every night for the past few weeks, just admit you have feelings for each other.” 

“No, nothing’s happened.” I sigh, unsure if I sound convincing or not. “We just live close and it’s too cold now to get the tube back so late, he’s just being nice. You know Harry...he’s like that with everyone.” 

Eleanor laughs a little, shaking her head. She places our order with the bartender when he makes his way to our side of the bar before turning back to me with her arms crossed. 

“He’s nice to everyone, but he’s not just being nice to you.” She smirks, “And he usually doesn't give just anybody his clothes.” 

She reaches out and rubs the fabric of my - Harrys - jacket between her thumb and forefinger. She looks up and quirks her brows up a little again. Before I can splutter out an explanation our drinks are being laid out on the counter beside us and Eleanor is pointing to the ones for me to carry and turning back to our booth. 

A surge of anxiety washes over me as I follow Eleanor back to the group. My breaths feel unsteady and I can’t help but dart my eyes to get a quick glance at Harry to see if he’s experiencing the same kind of interrogation. He seems fine though, laughing at something Nicks said. 

Soon we’re at the booth, slipping back into our seats and setting the drinks out in front of everyone. Harry’s eyes hover on me for a few seconds, brows raised a little in question. I smile and shake my head - everything’s fine. 

I don’t miss how Eleanor glances between us throughout the whole night. Especially not when a different two get up for the next round and Harry and I are pushed next to each other when they climb back into the available seats. Harry seems a little suspicious too. He clearly hasn’t noticed Eleanor’s strange behaviour - or doesn’t care - because he’s kept gazing down at me every now and then since we came back with drinks hours ago. When I stop looking up at him, nervous Eleanor might question me about his constant and slightly nervous glances when we’re alone, he reaches his hand under the tables and pulls mine into his lap. He squeezes our hands every now and then. He’s always a touchy, cuddly drunk. Normally it’s a bit more obvious; he’ll wrap his arms around one of us on the dance floor or lap his head on a shoulder, nothing too intimate. Just friendly. But now he’s stroking his thumb over my knuckles and tapping out the beat of the current song playing with his foot, his knee bumping mine. 

Julia and Theo are the first to go. Relief settles in me at the idea of not being the first two to leave for once. There’s no way Eleanor wouldn't’ve have noticed me and Harry sneaking the other a glance like we usually do to signal we’re ready to go, without some kind of distraction. 

“It was so lovely guys, feels like we haven’t just sat down and talked in so long!” Julia smiles, leaning into Theos side tiredly as they say their goodbyes. 

“I think I’m gonna head off too, it’s getting pretty late,” I smile, waiting for Harry to speak when Theo pipes up before him. 

“Livs, you want a lift?” Theo looks down at me. 

“Oh Olivia, that’s a good idea, you were just saying how it’s too cold for the tube.” Eleanor beams, smiling cheekily as she knows I’m the only one who’ll understand her subtle teasing. 

“Oh I-” I stutter before Harry’s squeezing my hand again and looks up at Theo. 

“I was actually gonna take her home, we’re only 10 minutes apart so it’s just easier.” He smiles politely, if I couldn’t feel his foot hooking over mine I’d believe he was just being nice and helping out a friend. 

“Yeah but you’re gonna stay a little while aren’t you?” Julia countered, “We’re pretty close, it’s fine really.” 

I nod, motioning to slide out of the booth. Harry lets me by, dropping my hand before anyone else could see. Julia, Theo and I say goodbye quickly and head out to the car park. As soon as we’re all strapped into their car, I pull out my phone and click Harry’s contact. 

Me 

Meet me at mine x

Harry 

Okay - what was that about? 

Me 

I’ll explain when u get here, just something w Eleanor

U might have been right about the jacket :/ 

Theo pulls up outside my flat and I jump out the car, thanking them quickly and waving them off. I climb the stairs of my building and click the keys in my door, pushing it open and kicking my shoes off the second I get in. After a fifteen minute frantic clean, the place is looking slightly better. There’s no time to perfect it as I hear my phone buzzing on the counter, a dorky photo of Harry in one of his infamous sweaters all sprawled out on the sofa and sticking his tongue out at me flashes the screen. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, I’m just outside,” He talks softly, “What number are you?” 

“24, wait a sec and I’ll buzz you up.” 

I tread quickly to the button by my front door and let him up, hearing a quiet thanks over the phone and a “See you in a sec”  before the line goes dead. 

A minute later there’s a quiet knock at my door. I open it and see Harry, he looks a little more tired than when I left him forty minutes ago, he rubs his knuckles under his eyes and sighs softly. 

“Hey, come in.” I pull the door a little wider, stepping aside to let him inside. He walks past me, eyes watching the floor whilst I lock the up behind us and turn to face him. There's an awkward tension in the air that I haven’t experienced with Harry before, maybe a little that first night when I walked in on him in his kitchen, but nothing like this since we’ve gotten closer.  

“What happened?” He asks quietly, lifting his head with an uncertain look on his face.”You barely even looked at me. 

“I..” I stumble over what to say, I’ve been thinking I could just explain what Eleanor had said and have it done with but now I know we’re not going to be able to just leave this. If somebody’s going to find out about our arrangement then something would have to change. “Ellie thinks there’s something going on with us and she kept staring all night. I just, I couldn’t give her anything to be suspicious about.” 

“S’that what you mean about the jacket?” I nod, “What did she say?” 

“Just that we seemed closer, talk more I guess.” I sigh, “She didn’t believe anything I said.” 

“What did you say?” He presses. His tone is unclear, he seems less hurt now and more focussed on getting answers from me. 

“I just, I told her nothing’s happened.” I mumble, “She asked about us leaving together and I told her it was just because we lived close and it’s easier than the tube.” 

Harry bobs his head a little, taking in what I’ve just told him before laughing a little. He shakes his head and brings his palms up to his face, cursing under his breath. We stand in the quiet of my hallway before he speaks up again.

“Can we still do this?” That catches me off guard. Of course I knew we’d have to stop sometime when one of us started dating or a friend found out, I just hadn’t thought seriously about it happening anytime soon. “If she does find out, would that be the worst thing in the world?”

I shake my head, taking a step towards him to close the gap between us that’d been building my nerves throughout this whole exchange. 

“I don’t wanna stop hanging out.” I confess. Harry quirks his lips up a little, obviously relieved as he pulls me to his chest. He wraps his arms around my shoulders and rests his chin on my head as we breathe together for a moment. All the while we’ve been spending nights at his, there’s been no serious moments like this. We’ve opened up about vulnerable subjects and confessed more than we probably should have to each other, but never anything like this. There’d never been a  time I thought I could lose him. 

“What if something did happen.” He whispers into my hair. 

“Like what?” I murmur, voice a little muffled by his jacket. 

“Like..” He trails off a little and I’m pretty sure I hear him inhale a little and smell my hair. “Like what if I kissed you..or something.” 

“Or something?” My chest tightens, stomach fluttering suddenly. 

“Mmhhhmm,” He hums, “What would happen then?” 

“Eleanor would have a field day.” 

Harry laughs, shoulders shaking a little as he giggles above me. He loosens his grip on my and pushes away to create a little space to see me again. 

“Oh yeah?” He teases. 

“Uh huh,” I smile, “She’d never let us forget it if she knew she was right.” 

“And what would she be right about?” Harry lifts his hand to cup my face, tilting it slightly to make sure I’m staring right up at him. 

“..Something..happening.” I whisper, “Having feelings for eachother.” 

Harry grins, cheeks a soft rosy between the outside cold and the new blush. He strokes the pad of his thumb against my cheek and beams down at me. 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Uh huh…” 

“Really..she’d be right about that?” 

“I’m pretty sure-” 

Before I can tease anymore, Harry’s leaning down to press his lips against mine. I inhale sharply, closing my eyes and looping my arms around the back of his neck to hold us in place. His hand still holds my face firmly, thumb fluttering over my cheek a couple times before he pulls away and we both breathe in deep. 

“She’s definitely right.” He smiles, tone turning serious for a moment. “I really like you Olivia.” 

Butterflies surge through my stomach for the millionth time since he walked through my door. Blushing and happy, I tighten my arms and push my face back into his shoulder. 

“I like you too H….just a little bit.” 

“We don’t have to tell anyone, just want this to be ours for a little while.” I can hear the smile in his voice as he leans back down to whisper into my ear. 

“I want this to be ours forever.” I hum, words quiet and part of me hoping he doesn't hear my honest confession. 

A comforting quiet settles over us. I remember how tired I really am as I melt further into Harry’s body, breathing in the sweet cinnamon and vanilla scent. His breathing lulls me half to sleep as I let my eyes flutter shut and bury my head further into his neck. I feel him lifting me up as my body relaxes against his and I catch his last few words before I he’s shifting me into his arms and walking us up the stairs. 

“I could hold you ‘n listen to your voice all night long, love.” 

. . . . .    

“Oh my god!” Julia yells out, unravelling a long shawl from pristine white tissue paper. “Okay whoever got me, thank you so much!” 

She continues to squeal a little as he wraps it over her shoulders and presses the end to her nose, inhaling the lavender scent of her favourite designer brand. 

I’d only spent one Christmas with the whole group before but it was clear secret Santa was a bit of a tradition. Between the six of us we all had other friends, family and mostly, relationships. Organising a secret santa within our group just relieved some of the stress of present buying - and it was fun. 

We’re all sitting around Harry’s living room, it felt the homiest  to us after all. The kiddy advent calendar I bought for him hung by the fireplace reading December 21st. We’ve all finished our egg nogs, meaning it was officially present time. Over the next few days we’ll all be driving up and down the country to visit family, meaning today’s the last day most of us will be seeing each other. Harry had whined about me leaving, begging me to stay another day with him or better yet - spend christmas with his family up north. 

It was when I told him my own parents were spending the holidays visiting my sister and her kids in New York that his campaign started. We kissed almost three months ago now and have been on a slew of dates since. Between all the secret dinners out, brunches and farmers market trips, we haven’t found time for the talk. We had no official title. I’ve heard Harry refer to me as “m’girl” a couple times when I’ve wandered into the kitchen and overheard him on the phone to mitch, but nothing he’s told me himself. Despite this, he still insists I have to come and spend christmas with him and his close family. The idea of me hanging out with my young cousins and distant relatives apparently doesn’t satisfy him. 

“Are you serious!” Eleanor gasps as she unwraps her own present. Everyone had picked the perfect gifts for each other this year. In a pure coincidence, I ended up with Harry’s name after Nick made me trade because he’d already bought Julia’s present for her. I’ve been nervous about it all evening, I was sure he’d like it, a little too sure. That was the problem. One night, wrapped up in Harry’s bed, he’d recalled his latest tragedy to me: He’d taken shroom with Mitch on his last trip to LA and subsequently decided to skinny dip in the sea, losing his favourite mustard cords in the process. The only times we’ve seen everyone else has been with the both of us present and , to my knowledge, he hasn’t mentioned this to anyone else. The brown paper package that sat on the coffee table could invite a few more questions that I was prepared to answer. 

“Harry, you’re next!” Ellie grinned, hugging her present to her chest. 

Thanks to our early secrecy, there’s been no opportunity to tell our friends we were dating. Eleanor hasn’t stopped her constant questioning but we’ve kept up a pretty good front of excuses. It was still freezing out so it made sense for us both to climb into his car together at the end of the night. Nobody had to know we would be going home to the same house where we’d climb into the same heavenly bed and scramble eggs together in the morning. 

“I’m going, I’m going!” Harry laughs as Ellie tries to hurry him up, playing perfectly into her role as the youngest in our group. 

He pulls the first fold of paper back with his ringed fingers and immediately looks up at me as the mustard fabric shines up at him. He grins wide, beaming back at me before pulling the rest of the paper back and laying the trousers out in front of him. 

“No babe...where did you find them?” He’s running his fingers down the cord, in awe to have his favorite trousers back - or at least a copy. 

I don’t miss how Eleanor and Nick’s heads turn to share a look of shock as the pet name tumbles out. Before I can put anything together, Harry’s standing and leaning over the coffee table. He wraps his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into a hug and whispering his thanks in my ear. 

“Wait I dont - how did you know it was h-” Julia pipes up, before she can finish she’s cut off by the joint gasps of Nick and Ellie as Harry plants a wet kiss to my cheek - then my lips, and laughs at our friends reaction. 

“I knew it!” Ellie yells, pointing frantically between the two of us, Harry now having stepped over the table and come to sit next to me, pulling me into his side.

“What was-” Julia stammers, “Since when!” 

Harry’s eyes flutter down to my face. He giggles quietly when he catches on to my glare. This wasn’t exactly how I’d imagined the evening going. 

“Have you just been lying to my face for the past three months?” Ellie asks, crossing her arms over her chest and pouting her lips. 

“Five,” Harry mumbles, almost just as an inside joke for the both of us to enjoy. I slap my hand against his shoulder to shut him up but the damage is already done. 

“Five months!” Even Theo’s joining in now. “How didn’t we know?” 

“It didn’t start out like this honestly, we would’ve told you.” I try and explain, eager for this to quiet down so we could get to the roast dinner waiting for us in the oven. 

“How did it start?” Nick pokes, drawing Julia and Ellie’s attention as the same puzzled expressions adorn their faces. 

“Unimportant,” Harry brushes off, standing up to tower over us all and reaching a hand back for my own. “We better get dinner, we wouldn't want burnt potatoes.” 

Harry pulls on my arm gently, leading me out the room before anyone can object. 

In the kitchen, he picks up a tea towel and starts to check on the food, prodding at the parsnips. I roll my eyes as he ties his lavender apron around his waist and tentatively pulls the potato tray from the oven. 

“Harry..” I sigh, trying not to laugh as he turn to face me, spatula in hand. 

“Yes dear?”  

“What was that?” 

“Oh - You’ve gotta shimmy a little spatula under the potatoes or they’ll break apart-” 

“No, obviously not that,” He makes it so hard so stay stern, a giggle leaks out as he lifts a hand to rest on his hip. “Why did you do that?” 

“I want them to know.” drops his utensils, tone sincere as he takes another step towards me. “I want our friends to know how much I love you already, and you remember about my mustard cords so..it felt like the perfect time.” 

“What?” I stutter, looking up at him from where he’s pulled me into his chest. His hands rest on my waist, rings a little hold against my exposed skin. 

“You remembered the trousers I lost last month in LA -”

“You love me?” 

His eyes go a little wide, a smile peaking through as the sides of his mouth quirk upwards. Realising what he just said, he lifts a hand from my waist to rest it against my face and lean down a little. 

“Of course I love you.” He whispers, his voice a little croaky and I can see tiny droplets gathering in his eyes that make my heart flutter. 

“Love you too..” I mumble. I wipe a thumb over his cheek before pulling him down into a kiss. I feel his smile against my own, and everything’s perfect for just a second. 

“So you’ll come to Christmas with me?” 

. . . . .

Hiii I hate the ending :)

Tysm for reading !! pls leave a like or reblog (it rlly helps <3) if you enjoyed it x

[chemiste]

Sweet Secrets

This is for my first writing night, using the flower prompt list I made.

“Ice plant/sun cup for writing night w Harry“

-to the anon that requested this, I hope this is what you were looking for! 

“Hello Ladies and Gents! Tonight we have with us a very special guest, Mister Harry Styles!”

Emerging from the curtains, the superstar himself strutted out. He looked very fresh in a blue velvet 3 piece suit, his rings accenting the look perfectly.

After a quick handshake, the two men sat in their respective areas. James smiled eagerly, ready to get the show on the road. 

“How are you doing old man? Kids alright?” Harry said, a slight chuckle in his voice. 

James rolled his eyes, “They’re doing fine, you sod. Everything coming along for the third album? I’ve heard whispers that it’s gonna be the best one yet.”

The rockstar grinned, pulling on his lip to give him a moment while he collected his thoughts. 

“Ah, well, here’s to hoping everyone thinks that.”

“You cheeky boy! So ‘humble’ am I right?” James asked the audience, doing quotes around the word ‘humble’.

“Alright, enough with the pleasantries, I’ve spoken to your team and they’ve agreed to a last minute game I like to call, Sweet Secrets!”

As the audience cheered, the curtain on the floor of the stage rose, showing a table filled with tiny deserts, ranging from brownies that bore the Late Late symbol, to pink and blue petit fours  that had Harry’s Album covers painted on the tops. 

The look on Harry’s face was pure terror and a bit of excitement. The singer made a quick glance to Jeff, his manager on the side of the stage who looked absolutely thrilled. 

Okay, this may or may not be revenge for when H changed all of Jeff’s underwear to lingerie on the trip they took to Italy 2 weeks ago, but who was keeping score?

After a quick commercial, the lads were each sitting at the table, a small plate in front of them with a fork and knife set to the side.

“And we’re back! Harold and I are about to play a brand new game called Sweet Secrets!” 

H made a big deal of laying his napkin in his lap, earning a few snickers from the crowd. 

James continued, “The game is simple, you choose one of these delicious things in front of us and cut into it! Theres a small plastic ball inside that hold a slip of paper with a question! You can either answer the question, or eat the whole desert infant of you. Got it?” 

The audience clapped and Harry nodded, slightly worried but also amused, this should be too bad. Right?

“Okay, Harry you can start.” 

“Okay, hmm,” he glanced down at the options in front of him, deciding which treat would be the easiest to consume if he abstained the question inside. “How about this one?” 

He plucked a strawberry cake pop from it’s holder, the HS embroidered into the fondant simmered under the studio lights and he moved it to his plate.

He cut into the pop and pull the little bobble out, taking the piece of paper out to read.

“Okay the question is, how many times have you skinny dipped?” 

He laughed as a few girls screamed upon hearing the concept of him being naked, James as well in a fit of giggles. 

“I guess, let see,” Harry counted the few moments on his fingers, going onto his second hand before stopping at a finger. 

“Eight-ish? I used to go with a couple mates when we were ‘round 15 so I don’t know if I’ve done it in a while for the fear of my dick being plastered on the daily mail is terrifying enough.”

James went, going for a brownie, his question being, “Does your partner snore and if so, has it ever been so bad you’ve woken up?” 

Needless to say, Corden ate the damn brownie.

The next question Harry had was a bit more, scandalous, it being, “Has someone ever bed so bad in bed you couldn’t get it up?” Thankfully the treat he had chosen was a small thing of jello, not too terrible.

“Okay, I’ve chosen the carrot cake, and my question is “which celebrity have you met that you wish to never see again?” 

The audience roared at the question, egging James on to reveal his answer.

“I’m gonna go with Kevin Spacey, not that nice when I first met him and then all that stuff came out so…” 

Harry and him going into their own childish tactics, pointing at each other while exclaiming “eh?” Before they broke into song, “let’s call the whole thing off!”

The two went through the game a few more times, Harry eating a rice cake, a slice of cake and 2 more cake pops. James ate the same amount, so easy to say the boys had had their fill of sugar.

James glanced over to the producer before turning back to the camera, “it seems we’re running out of time so Harry please chose your last desert. Fingers crossed it’s good enough to get my show on the 5 o’clock news!” 

H smiled before taking a breath and picking up a petit four, the one with his first album cover on the top.

Harry scanned through the question, instantly dropping his hands and and tilting his head to look at the ceiling. 

James snatched the paper out of his hands as the rockstar stood up out of his chair, groaning. The burly brit he used to call his friend laughed as he read the slip that cause Harry’s reaction.

“Ha ha ha! Oh boy H, you’ve really brought this on yourself! He pulled the only golden slip in the whole bunch, you know what this means!”

From off stage, a few techies rolled on another plate. This time the petit four seated before them was a real cake, an a big one at that.

Corden got up as well and stepped over to the bigger cake, “The question, for those of you wondering, is, what’s your biggest secret?!”

The audience’s reaction was instantaneous, claps and screams echoed through the studio. 

Harry sat back down, in his chair slightly defeated. He made a move to grab his fork and knife, heading over to the big cake. Boos rang through the room, especially chants of “answer!  answer! answer!” Soon enough the whole studio was saying it.

James raised his hands to slice the crowd, turning to his mate standing beside him. 

“What’s it gonna be H? Easily let us in on your biggest secret, or…” the host gestured to the giant cake before them.

Harry held his face in his hands before holding up the fork and knife 

…and placing it down on the table. 

The audience cheered as he stood, front and center, ready to spill his biggest secret. 

James started bouncing in side spot, equally as excited as the audience before them.

“My biggest secret is…”

“I’m engaged.”

Harry could’ve sworn a few light bulbs popped from the sound in the studio. The sound could probably be heard outside the building, maybe even a few blocks further.

James grabbed onto Harrys jacket and pulled the boy into a hug, the surprise on his face overwhelmed by the joy of hearing the news one of his closest friends was getting married.

The audience calmed slightly as James quickly lead Harry to the couch, hopefully to get the bride to be’s name.

“Harry! I can’t believe this! Congratulations!” 

“Thank you, I’m very happy as well.” 

The host shook his hands before planting them down on his lap as he had said on the couch with H.

“Who’s the girl? I didn’t even know you dating someone!”

The boy’s cheeks warmed a sweet pink, he rubbed the back of his neck, accidentally bringing forth a small chain that had a ring hanging on it.

Harry’s engagement ring.

“Well, we didn’t want the media breathing down our necks so we might’ve devised a plan to keep everyone on a different trail.”

“Do I know her? Have I met her?”

The singer chuckled, “Oh yeah, probably talked to her a bunch as well.”

James brow furrowed as he tried to go through anyone he’d talked to that could be associated with Harry in the past year or so. 

Then it seemed like a lightbulb went off.

He looked up at Harry with a shocked expression, “No, wait, is it,” the host took a pause, waiting for Harry confirmation that it was okay to say the name. 

With a glint in his eye he turned  to a crewman off stage. “Can we please have Harry’s PA come to the couch?”

The audience chatted loudly amongst themselves, looking towards every person with a head set, wondering if they’d be the one to step up onto the stage.

Not detected yet, a girl with h/c hair cautiously approached James from his back. She wore black jeans, a slightly to large rolling stones t-shirt, a headset, and converse that had been colored in the rainbow along the edge.

She poked James in the shoulder, giving him a small wave when he turned around. 

“Y/N! Congrats! I can’t believe you kept it under wraps so well.” 

Y/N crossed over to Harry, sitting down next to him, a little finicky under the gaze of so many eyes.

Harry spoke up, “We thought this would be the best way to be able to stay close but not have to be nervous for anyone with a camera seeing us together, we kept the PDA to a zero in public but it was great to have that sense of safety the cover provided.

“No longer though, eh?” James grinned. Harry turned his head and smile softly at his fiancé, “Nope, no more hiding.”

That earn a round of applause from the audience, seemly in awe of the sweet couple before them.

James laughed, “You realize though that now every celebrity and PA are gonna be looked at as secret lovers from now right?”

“Oh, oops!”

[fmdjaeinarchive]

a belated plot call that was meant for last week when the event ended, but i had an exam earlier today hence why it’s going up now! btw, i’ll probably reply to a few event threads that i have some muse for so don’t be surprised to find a notification popping up a whole week late. on that same page, if there’s an event thread you’d like to continue, feel free to tell me so! anyway, i’ll have an update on my girls’ lives as well as (hopefully) some plot ideas to build things off of! please just like this post, and i’ll come hopping over to you most likely tomorrow because it’s getting late over here!

jaein: 

getting ready for fingertip that’s due to be released in february along with another solo mini-album! this time, it’s completely different sounding/vibing from don’t make me laugh, and it’ll be dimensions’ attempt at trying something new in hopes that it catches on with the public

other than that, she is still very much the dj until march so she has that happening every single day. she enjoys the radio show a lot more than she did when she first stated though (there’s a headcanon about that here if you’d like her thoughts on it). feeling a bit less stressed because award seasons are coming to an end which means one less thing on her plate

personal life: her little sister’s in her last semester of college so jaein’s a little emotional on them. it’ll be Big for her more than jaeeun i think. i have things planned for her around then lol uhhh her parents are still shit, and she still smokes oops 

plot ideas: feel free to hmu for any of the award shows that lucid will be at, lucid members are free to message me for anything regarding fingertip preparations too! dimensions artists... you’ll catch her in the building a Lot so any random thread there can work too

hyeju: 

she dropped the album of the year aka interlude not too long ago, and she’s very proud of this album. it’s a lot more her-sounding than premiere was because she had more say in how things would work out in terms of performance. the songs and music videos were none of her doing lol but she likes what’s been given to her

lipstick is also preparing for a comeback, and she’s not a big fan of ticket tbh it’s catchy but it’s also not too exciting. plus, the other two songs on the mini are just re-releases of songs they already performed so lipstick members, if you’d like a schedule thread or any thread discussing the upcoming comeback, hyeju’s all ears and she’ll be complaining like she always does

other than that, anybody who’s promoting the same time she is (january 10th~january 24th), she’s welcoming to juniors and seniors alike who come to visit her backstage. or even if you’re not promoting and you’d just like to share a word with her, she doesn’t bite lol 

suji: 

2021 isn’t busy for her just yet! i don’t plan on overworking her as much as i did in 2020 lol coming off the win of our songs, she would have promoted i go for exactly a week. i’m still very much open to doing threads on our songs if your muse watched it. she’s as surprised as you are about her winning!!!

she will Finally be getting her home studio made so she can stop bothering her producer friends in their studios and using gold star’s! if your muse is into music equipment or songwriting maybe this could be a base for a new friendship! or partnership! either works tbh like catch her at an equipment store or something. mutual friends who write that introduce them. all that jazz

she’s pretty high on muse so she’ll be doing lots of writing (she has a mini album coming out in june), and she’s open to new ideas/concepts now since our songs happened so she’d be open to discussing stepping out of her ballad box if your muse wants to talk about that or push her to try something new. on the other hand: if you want her tracklist, feel free to bother me for it!! so you can see how ~different~ some of these things are

if anybody wants to meet her cat!! like you don’t even know her but you see her ig update of her cat and is like uhh... can i meet milo. she’s up for that. also if any gold star person wants to do a schedule thread, i’m up for that too! discuss 2021 plans and all that jazz. or your health if you’d like i guess

yujin:

reply 1997 ended! kudos if you guessed her husband correctly. the drama didn’t hit popular ratings, but it caused a lot of people to learn who yujin is, and that’s going to lead her to being cast in a drama that will become popular (she’ll be cindy in producers), and that has already started preparations so she’s back to getting ready/filming

she has a #1 single ost though, and that’s... wild like wow her drama really did wonders for her, and it only continues to push gold star into creating actress yujin though at this point that’s basically what she is

but element comeback is also a thing!! and she likes red moon more than she did dumb litty, and the b-sides for this album are bops. she’s just very : D to be spending time with her group members 

ngl my muse for yujin is at an all time low right now but maybe that’ll change if you want to plot something out with her! she’s still the same bright and bubbly girl just more exhausted because of all the filming going on and basically because she hasn’t had a break since early 2020 lol 

[tiesandtea]

SUEDE – now with humour

Suede featured in the Danish free music magazine GAFFA shortly after A New Morning came out, October 2002 (no. 10). An interview with Brett and Mat, short comments on the album tracks, and a review. 

Photos by Casper Helmer and Morten Larsen. The magazine can be downloaded as .pdf here (look for pages 22-24 and 50).

Translation of the interview by Peter Albrechtsen under the cut. Own work.

OUT OF THE DARK

Brett Anderson and the rest of Suede have acknowledged that the substance that dreams are made of can neither be ingested nor inhaled. It has to come from the heart. And it does on their new album A New Morning, which was one of the topics of conversation when GAFFA met a transformed band in Copenhagen

FIRST HE TURNS LEFT, TAKES A FEW STEPS FORWARD and looks towards the mirror in front of him. Then he turns right, but keeps looking at himself. Everything is taking place in sliding movements, and there is evidently some satisfaction with what the mirror shows: The black leather jacket with a retro cut and a white back label sits tight around the slender, yet top-trimmed body.

If you didn't know better, you would think that Brett Anderson was practicing for a catwalk. The 35-year-old Suede frontman is hardly going to throw himself into that kind of thing for the time being, though he would be guaranteed to do well with his obvious expertise in hip twists, affectations and flirting from the edge of the stage. Right now, though, Brett is in a Copenhagen luxury hotel, where he's trying on a jacket just purchased by the band's British make-up artist, Nicci Welsh, who eagerly watches Brett's shameless poses. Brett is satisfied, but he has a twinkle in the eye at the same time, which reveals that something is hiding behind the charismatic singer's wide smile and chalk-white teeth.

–What do you say, Mat? Isn't it cool? Brett asks and looks over to his childhood friend, bassist Mat Osman, who understands well the look Brett's sending: Now, Mat must nod affirmatively. So he does. Brett looks over at Nicci with "thank you – yes, he would like to take the leather jacket home with him to London". But Nicci has also noticed Brett's hidden agenda and politely but firmly points out that "if you just thought to give it to a friend when you get back to London, then you can easily forget that."

Oops. Brett is exposed and quickly hands the jacket back to Nicci, but his now even cheekier grin shows that he certainly does not feel guilty, but simply perceives the whole scene as a bit of a show-off. As he himself puts it, a few minutes later: –Had it been three years ago, I would have kept the jacket for fun and given it to a friend 14 days later – simply to take advantage of my position as a pop star.

In other words, Brett Anderson has undergone certain changes over the three years since Suede's previous album, Head Music, and their brand new, fifth opus A New Morning. And the changes apply not just to his relationship to leather jackets, but simply to his whole lifestyle. In fact, the whole band's lifestyle.

Breakdown

Ever since the ten-year-old debut single, The Drowners, Suede have been heavy consumers of drugs all over the world, and they have never hidden that. Right from deliberately ambiguous song titles as Heroine and The Chemistry Between Us for opinions on the benefits of narcotics in provocative interviews, which the sensationally horny British press has lapped up themselves. "Coke is good for sex", "it's great to hear music on ecstasy" and "it's better to take drugs than to drink, because then you have a better next day" – all immortal quotes from Anderson.

But now it's over: Suede is clean – or something like that – and Brett clearly states that "I have become a happier person. My life on hyperspeed is a chapter over. I've even gotten into a good shape!"

–You start taking drugs because you want to feel good. It's that simple. And at some point, you do not feel good any more. It's that simple, too. That's what happened to us, Brett states in a dry and declaratory way.

Since Head Music, Suede had to say goodbye to keyboardist Neil Codling, who collapsed due to overexertion on Suede's tour in Australia in the autumn of 2000 (actually 1999). Half a year later, he quit completely because he suddenly had a relapse after having been recovering otherwise, and was about to break down completely. Neither Brett nor Mat clearly want to talk about it, but then admit that "it made them reflect on some things around both the band and themselves“. Brett, however, insists that “It was many different elements that led to what has happened with our lifestyle in recent years. Both the band and I myself have entered a new stage."

The changes around both Brett and Suede have also taken place over a longer period. First, Anderson started with giving the critics right who had complained loudly that he repeated himself on Head Music. Then he moved from the hectic London into his newly acquired country house in the peaceful natural area of Croydon (somewhat similar to when he moved into a monastery to write the texts of Suede's eight-year-old masterpiece Dog Man Star). He totally isolated himself, lived without a telephone and television, "buried" himself in literature and wrote the first lyrics for A New Morning.

–Oh, now it's starting to sound like I've gone and became boring, Brett chuckles, but hurries to add: -This is certainly not the case. In the old days, I deliberately avoided literature because I was terrified that literature would spoil my pure language. I would not be a sexless secretary who clapped on a typewriter. But now, I have found out that it doesn't necessarily have to end that way, and I read like an obsessed now. I read like a motherfucker. In one of the new songs, Obsessions, I refer to Bret Easton Ellis, but my favorite author is Albert Camus.

Actually, my paranoia about literature just says all about how far out I once have been. I was so afraid that my mindset would be infected by everything possible, but honestly, I must have had a hysterical tendency to pump everything up to pretentious heights. After all, both love and music are in fact very basic emotions, Brett says, who, however, admits he let out a roar when he went as far as to get his hair bleached last year ("it looked like crap, for God's sake," he sighs with one head-shaking laugh). However, it was an obvious sign that Brett felt the changes coming. And enjoyed it to the fullest drag.

Producer problems

In fact, Brett enjoyed being away from the big city so much that he persuaded the others to go to Iceland for a while and work further on the material that gradually became structured. In Iceland, the band briefly collaborated with Sigur Rós producer Ken Thomas, who, however, should turn out to be the first in a series of failed attempts to find the perfect producer.

–The magic was missing, Mat explains, but the creativity did not fail, and the band engaged in vastly different concepts around the upcoming album – "we considered making both a pure acoustic pop and an electronic folk record."

A New Morning became none of those. After leaving former Beck producer Tony Hoffer, Suede ended up slipping into the studio with Stephen Street, who is best known for his collaboration with The Smiths and Blur, and with Street behind the mixer, a renewed focus was there. The opening number Positivity took only three hours to write, and Brett describes it as "one of those magical moments in a band where everything melts together in the most beautiful way."

Those kinds of moments are, of course, the result of the fact both I and the rest of the band are dedicated to the music in a different way than before. Every single moment in music is important to me now. Every single moment in my life is important now. I have rediscovered both myself and the music, proclaims Brett, who hasn't changed in one aspect: He is still extremely talkative, well-worded and energetic – even when he explains it new album title:

–It's not so strange if A New Morning sounds as a religious quote – the last few years have truly felt as a bit of a revelation. We have chosen to see life from a new perspective. We have pretty much spent the 90s on an insanely exalted search for success, fame, money and all that sort of thing. Of course, music was the starting point, but it was all about consuming, savouring and worshipping life excessively. For me, this record is about having a completely different approach to life: Life is something small, fragile and completely unique. Something to watch out for. The new record is simply more intimate, human and much more honest.

This shouldn't be perceived as if Brett is now taking distance to his characteristic textual universe populated by the sad fates of the big city. On the contrary.

–I still have a great sympathy for people who are left in the lurch by the system and politicians, and I will continue to have that, he emphasizes, adding that "it's very much my self-understanding that has changed recently – not my worldview". Osman nods approvingly at Brett's side and adds with no hidden allusion to the title Dog Man Star, that "if you were born in a pigsty, you have so much to achieve, so much to flee from" – both Brett and Osman originally come from the unglamorous London suburb of Haywards Heath.

–Our songs have always been about ordinary people who achieve extraordinary things, and that's how we have been as a band as well, I think. You can easily be something special, even if you come from the pure nothing, and we have stuck to it, even though we have personally driven it too far into the extremes. We are still very much real people who have lived very real lives, and our songs are still about very real feelings, Brett points out.

–We will always fight for all the people who are trying to cope against all odds, and who try to maintain pride in adversity and frustration. Now we just have more surplus, passion and energy ourselves to fight the battle. Now we can really do it with an open heart.

Photo descriptions: "I HAVE RE-DISCOVERED BOTH MYSELF AND MUSIC" Brett Anderson "I HAVE BECOME A HAPPIER PERSON. I'VE EVEN GOTTEN INTO A GOOD SHAPE!" Brett Anderson

A New Morning

– according to Suede themselves

Positivity

Brett: –In many ways our programme statement: It really strikes a new, more cheerful tone. As I said, it was written in no time, and that's pretty incredible for us, because we're really perfectionists when it comes to songwriting.

Lost In TV

Brett: –Probably my favorite track on the album. The melody is based on backing vocals, and in that part, the song is more related to the Beach Boys and the Beatles than to old Suede. Why is there no one doing that kind of thing anymore?

Obsessions

Brett: –This is the last piece we wrote for the record. That's my favorite text. The fun of it is that the lyrics are in a way very personal, but at the same time guaranteed incredibly universal. I will undoubtedly receive many fan letters about that song.

Lonely Girls

Brett: –One of the first songs we wrote. A lovely lullaby-like groove. We even use bongo drums on it. A really nice number, which probably comes from the fact that I originally wrote the melody while I was in the countryside.

Beautiful Loser

Brett: –One of those songs where I really sing in a different way than usual: Harder, raw, dirty. In many ways, it's the album's ultimate live number: The energy is fearless, and the chorus is silly.

Streetlife

Mat: –It started as krautrock: The same groove that ran and ran and ran for eight minutes – it was totally Germany in 1971 – but it changed radically when the chorus appeared purely out of nowhere.

Ashtray Girl

Mat: –Ashtray Girl and Beautiful Loser are perceived the most as “old-school Suede”, but actually, they were both written by Alex Lee, who is our brand-new keyboardist. Funny, right? Another funny thing is that the lyrics are totally meaningless.

Untitled

Mat: –My favourite along with Streetlife – right complex and yet a simple song. Originally a very folk-like song, but our producer Stephen Street made it more electric. Suddenly we began to sound like a whole band.

...Morning

Mat: –It's about getting up in the morning, and we discussed a lot how we could underpin that with sound. Several weeks later, we ended up sticking a microphone out of Brett's kitchen window. So simple. So difficult.

One Hit To The Body

Brett: –It's our attempt to make an I Will Survive. It's about me having to pull through, no matter how smashed I am. Actually an old song we rediscovered in the studio. Reminds of Bruce Springsteen, oh.

When The Rain Falls

Brett: –Believe it or not: it was originally a spoken-word number in the style of Serge Gainsbourg. I sat down and breathed heavily into the microphone. Now it has become something else after all, for I had to admit that I sounded neither French nor sexy.

Suede: A New Morning

Reviewed by Jan Opstrup Poulsen

After the very electric Head Music, Suede landed soft and comfortable in the poetic corner of A New Morning. Brett Anderson still sings about beautiful losers and self-created troubles of youth, but melodically, A New Morning is a luminous and optimistic album. As on the masterpiece Coming Up, it’s the individual songs that are in the centre, like little stars in the night sky. But Suede doesn’t have the usual tempo of melodies at all. A New Morning is distinctly an album of ballads, and in Brett Anderson's most captivating moments, the album hits sublime moments. There are more typical Suede songs on the album, like the excellent Beautiful Loser, that we have heard from them before. A ballad like When The Rain Falls doesn’t change the state of affairs either, although one has to indulge in a grumpy admiration how Suede fabulously handle these ballads. On the other hand, great things happen in the opening song Positivity, which is a proudly towering pop song. This magnificent approach to pop songs fits Suede's finely tuned melodies like a glove and is well followed up on several songs on the album like Lost In TV and Astrogirl. Brett Anderson hasn’t become less affected, and guitarist Richard Oakes balances, as always, on the edge of disruptive, to end up in a harmonious melody line. But on the more ordinary songs, Brett Anderson sings with the desperation of an angry rock singer and to that extent, he reaches beyond the edge of the stage as a performer. A New Morning therefore has all the ingredients for a good Suede album that will divide the record people between rapture and contempt for these assumed excesses, respectively. But it's just too sour to be negative when the world can be so bright and inviting.

[lightwoodsmagic]

Hi! So I agree Liam is queer, and the pink🔺in his video compels me not to ignore it. I saw one of your Ziam posts making its rounds after the SIU video, so I thought you were the person to ask. I only joined the fandom after Zayn left, and I’ve always had a hard time finding info on why and how that played out at the time (nobody seems to agree). Could you elaborate (or link to previous posts) on why you think Ziam is still a thing, and how they are telling us? Thanks for your insight so far!

 Hi anon! 

Thank you so much for thinking of me! I’m sorry it’s taken me a little while to answer, but it took me a bit to gather all the info I wanted (while I should’ve been working oop).

Okay, please know that this post is gonna be loooooong, so I’ve popped it under the cut.

You’re right about nobody agreeing on Zayn leaving the band, and it makes sense that people have differing views. It’s such a complicated thing; there was a lot happening at the time. 

I’m going to start by saying there’s a brilliant masterpost about Zayn leaving here. It’s incredibly detailed, talks about pretty much every aspect of it, and there’s so much to look into. It’s also wonderful to demonstrate how much the boys and Zayn still hinted at things and loved each other, like Harry using Zayn’s mic one night, Liam talking about him fondly in interviews, Niall still calling him by his nickname, and Louis wearing his clothes.

It’s a long read, but incredibly worth it, as it this stunting timeline.

Everyone is absolutely entitled to their opinion, so I’ll just give you mine. I’m gonna keep it (kind of) short though. A lot of what I’m about to say can be found in the masterposts I’ve linked above.

I believe that Zayn leaving was out of his control, and was never completely his decision. I believe that he was set to return, but for some reason, the plan changed. Mind of Mine was apparently written before he left, and while I think he would’ve been working on solo music before he left (and that all of them were to some extent), to tease an album right after the announcement that he left makes no sense. A contract like the one that 1D had/has with Syco would cost an obscene amount of money to get out of, and Zayn’s net worth didn’t change at all. They made it seem so simple in the very few interviews with Zayn afterwards, saying he just called his security, got on a plane, and left. I think Zayn struggled a lot with everything, they all did, but I don’t think he could’ve just left. There were articles put out about his new album that mentioned Simco and everything, but when people pointed out that it didn’t make sense with the narrative that Simon felt ‘betrayed’, the references were removed straight away. 

There’s also a very solid theory that MoM was counted as One Direction’s sixth and final contracted album, and it really stands up. Check it out! 

Look. There’s a lot to unpack with the whole situation, and I’ve hardly touched on it at all, but I really do encourage you to look into it with everything I’ve linked above  💞

Okay, now onto the second part of your ask! 

Ziam. My loooovveesss.  

I’m going to start by saying that there’s a lot of ways that Liam and Zayn have hinted that they’re still together, and honestly? The boys ain’t even subtle about it. I’ll start by talking about heaps of ways they’ve done that since Zayn left!

Alright, let’s start with the fact that they WILL NOT STOP LIKING, REBLOGGING, AND RETWEETING POSTS FROM ZIAM ACCOUNTS. 

(x) (x)

These aren’t subtle Ziam accounts, and it’s not just these examples. This also isn’t just something in the past; that bottom right one references Stack It Up.

They’ve also both reposted fanart from a well known Ziam where each drawing referenced the other one. 

(x)

The Zayn art says ‘Love Payne’ on the beanie. Well then. 

And the Liam one? That he posted on his personal insta? The artist added the ‘love’ tattoo from Zayn’s hand onto Liam’s. It’s obvious, and it’s not like Liam wouldn’t have noticed that suddenly there was a new tattoo added ON HIS OWN HAND. 

Not very subtle, hey.

It’s also not the only shady social media activity related to the boys  👀

There was the time that Liam explained why he’d written ‘personally’ twice in a thank you post in his insta story to Bvlgari. 

But he hadn’t. What had happened was that Twitter account @TheZiamNews had made a small mistake, and had actually written it twice. The only explanation was that Liam saw it on a Ziam update page VERY quickly, thought he had made the original mistake, and then explained. Interesting that Liam keeps up to date with them. 

There was also the time Liam blocked an account for talking absolute shit about Zayn, or when Herbie Critchlow (a producer from Icarus Falls) retweeted a tweet about Common being about Ziam. Also can’t forget Brandon Colbein posting on insta about some songs he’d written, and somehow there was one for Zayn and one for Liam. 

Oh, and when Liam’s friend Andy (who seems to…split the fandom, but alas) posted a video of him listening to Icarus Falls, or every single mirroring insta post Liam and Zayn can’t seem to help making.

And their eyebrow slits! 😊 this goes allllll the way back to One Direction days.

(x)

Now, this is a constant, recurring thing for them over the years.

It’s usually at the same time, and it usually signifies something. 

Zayn went ALL OUT one day, just after Z*gi ‘broke up’, and put a slit in his eyebrow, but it wasn’t a normal one. It was in the shape of an L. That fucking sap. Not to be outdone though, Liam popped a lil’ Z in the graphics for his show last year in Japan. 

SAPS, THE BOTH OF THEM.

Now, jewellery. 

OOOOOF are we in for it now. You’re probably regretting this ask already. 

Cartier. 

Say that single word around someone who believes in Ziam and you’ve lost them forever. 

Back in 2015 (so yes, a while ago but bear with me) during the OTRA tour, Zayn suddenly started wearing a gold Cartier bracelet. It was interesting because Zayn didn’t wear bracelets at the time. It was particularly interesting because Liam had been seen earlier that day with jewellery bags buying a present. Curious.

Or obvious. 

Either or. 

A similar thing happened when Zayn attended the ‘Straight Outta Compton’ premiere, one of his first appearances after he left the band. He was wearing a Hublot watch, which was also interesting because Zayn didn’t wear watches either. 

But GUESS WHERE LIAM HAD BEEN 2 DAYS BEFORE THE PREMIERE?

You’re damn right, anon. It was Hublot.

Now, the Cartier love bracelet. 

This picture was posted when Liam was getting ready for the Brits in 2017. For those that don’t know, the Cartier love bracelet has little screws, and can only be undone with a little gold screwdriver that comes with it. 

Liam wore it everywhere that year, and so often. It didn’t make sense for it to be ‘given to him by Ch*ryl’, because they would’ve used every opportunity to show that damn screwdriver. 

But they didn’t, because she didn’t have it. Zayn did. 

There’s also the other matching bracelets they’ve worn by Alexander McQueen.

And also the other time Zayn wore Cartier in his film clip, or the fact that Zayn started wearing a ring on his right ring finger that was sold and marketed by Cartier AS A WEDDING RING. 

They also share watches if Zayn decides to wear one, because they’re cute like that.

Now, they also share clothes. 

So many clothes, ohmygod. 

(x)

A prime example of this actually happened just last year! TWICE! IN NYC WHEN LIAM WAS THERE (obviously to see his husband). Both times, Liam was out and about wearing two of Zayn’s jackets. 

It’s also absolutely not a coincidence that when Zayn was staying at G*gi’s apartment on Bond Street, Liam stayed at a hotel a few minutes away a number of times, but when Zayn moved to Soho, Liam suddenly switched hotels to one in Soho, a few minutes away from Zayn’s new place. Just can’t stay away from an old band mate you hardly talk to, hey. 

Also can’t ignore Liam wearing numerous Kooples shirts during the time Zayn was doing promotional stuff for them. Husbands givin’ gifts.

 NYC isn’t the only city that relates to Ziam though! 

Ahhhhhhhh. Ziami. What a time, what a time, what a time (for you and I).

Anyway. 

At the start of last year, Liam and Zayn were both in Miami at the same time filming music videos for Let Me and Familiar respectively, arriving either at the same time or a day apart. It was at a time when Zayn was all over his socials, posting poems and selfies and generally being his relaxed, gorgeous self, which wasn’t incredibly common for a while. 

People were convinced they could hear Zayn in one of Liam’s insta stories, talking in the background just before Liam realises and raises his voice. It’s definitely not firm though, and Liam has someone in his team with a similar accent, but I’ve linked it so you can judge for yourself! Regardless, we knew they were both there, but it was a fun lil’ talking point!

Anyway, according to people who live in the area and know the coastline, they were in the same area at the same time, and we also knew that Liam wasn’t with Ch*ryl because she was back in the UK. Now, Liam posted an Instagram story the next morning half naked in bed, his 4 tattoo (we’ll get to that) and roses on full display, and saying he’d wrecked his voice. 

Well then. 

He also posted this. 

It was a video, but it was Liam, in his room ‘alone’ with two desserts for breakfast at a time when we knew Zayn was there and no one else was, and he suddenly had no voice. 

Okay okay, we get it. 

They also consistently reference the number 25, and honestly, no one knows why the fuck.

Just casually on Liam’s jackets and shoes, Zayn’s shoes and a shirt that was sold (even the red and yellow, ffs Zayn), and also Zayn’s NECK, which he got in 2018. There was also chevrons on a collection for Zayn, just like Liam’s tattoos.

Speaking of tattoos Zayn got in 2018. 

That big, red wolf on his chest just up there?

One of the biggest Ziam things to ever happen. 

Red was Liam’s mic colour in 1D, everything they fucking do seems to be related to red, and Liam’s nickname is Wolfie because he’s from Wolverhampton. 

It’s a red wolf, directly on his chest, and it’s 100% for Liam. It’s not the only red wolf tattoo Zayn has; he also has one on his leg with feathers, just like Liam’s feather tattoo. 

The media often talk about the eyes Zayn has underneath that, and that they’re for G*gi, but the eyes underneath are so much lighter than the surrounding ink, the shape fits easily, and to me, it seems clear they’ve been done in a way that they can easily be inked over. It was designed for a cover up, and hopefully it’s coming. Zayn also has Liam’s name literally inked into his skin. 

They also have coordinating hand tattoos. The mandala on Zayn’s hand and the roses on Liam’s are explained brilliantly in this post. The two of these together mean ‘Symbol of Eternity’. Fucking hell. 

The three roses on Liam’s hand also translates to ‘I love you’. FUUUCCCKKKKKKK.

Liam also wore a ring for a while, until he was forced to take it off, but then he rebelled anyway, and got this.

It’s important because not only is it on his wedding finger, it’s also what he said about it, and when he got it. 

Now, not only is 4 as an angel number about changing the only things that you can in a situation, but Liam directly said that’s what it was. He can’t wear a wedding ring, so he did the next best thing. 

It also came when Liam and Ch*ryl became ‘official’, and when he’d already quashed marriage twice in an interview. Interesting choice, then. He also spoke of the 4 and a ring forming a halo, but still somehow shut down marriage talk? 

…….okay then. 

Some incredibly brilliant people pointed out that it also came just before Valentine’s Day.

And just before he started wearing the Cartier bracelet from earlier. 

There’s also the blatant references to a gorgeous, loving relationship throughout Icarus Falls, especially in Common and There You Are. There You Are was pushed as a Z*gi song, but people realised it was impossible when they found old pictures of the name of the song on his original plan for Mind of Mine, and realised it just hadn’t made that album. It doesn’t fit their timeline at all, but it does fit Ziam.

We don’t see Zayn very much at the moment, and I’m glad that he’s taking his time just doing what he’s doing! It does mean that we hardly see them interact or reference each other much, but I have absolutely no reason to believe they’ve broken up. The fact that they’re both still going through PR relationship bullshit, and the timing of Liam getting a ‘girlfriend’ right now instead of just rumours is very interesting to me, because Z*gi officially finished again not that long ago. When one is ‘single’, the other can’t be, it seems. 

This isn’t even everything, anon. They’re not subtle; Zayn just isn’t in the public eye as much. 

Everything they do screams love, devotion, and commitment to each other. 

And it’s fucking gorgeous.

[cotccotc]

hello hello !! i hope you were able to finish up with your homework (or get close to finishing) as well as relishing the last bit of your spring break !!

AHHH CUDDLY GYU HES SO CUTE 🥺😭 okay but i’m seriously considering changing my name to y/n bc that was the ultimate viewing experience pls— ...the logic around that statement is a bit odd since you technically are y/n but whatever the sentiment sTILL holds

AND WHAT A FABULOUS GROUP !!! you gotta let me know when you drop your first album—

also producer v !!!! is there anything you can’t do? the correct answer is no. talenttttt ✨✨✨✨

this is very long again........

as for me... well preference wise, i would prefer to be in a group with all the chaotic people i stan but then realising that i am probably going to be the least chaotic person there, but also i may just become as chaotic as them, we wouldn’t get anything done. so sadly soonyoung misses out on being in a group with me </3. i don’t really stan girl groups so i’m afraid it’ll just be me and a bunch of guys sjsjsjsks. it’ll probably be neater if i list it, so:

me: probably leader, main vocalist and main dancer (and maknae not sure how that’ll turn out) - i’m not sure how i’d handle the pressure of being leader but i think i’d manage with these people by my side, and if i’m being honest, i probably couldn’t not be leader bc it’s really hard for me to not take the lead in things— as for main vocalist, well i’m not exactly in a band so i can’t play my instruments but i can sing !! so there’s that.

yeonjun: lead dancer, main vocalist and sub rapper — well. he’s just fabulous and can do literally everything. also he’d be pretty supportive when it comes to interviews and stuff (the most extroverted member of our group, yay!)

changbin: lead rapper and producer — i. literally. love. all. the. songs. changbin. producers. i love all of skz’s obviously, but i do have a special place in my heart for his. also his rapping skills???????? i don’t think i need to comment on them. they’re pretty self explanatory—

seokmin: lead vocalist and main visual (and unofficial sunshine of the group !!) — his vocals are otherworldly. i can’t even—

joshua: lead visual (but let’s be honest all these guys are visuals—) , main vocal and um... probably the only sane person there— i think he’d be really really helpful for promotions and stuff and he’s really pretty—

so there’s my... uh... watered down chaotic group. i feel as though being both leader and maknae will be very tough but i reckon we’d be a pretty awesome group— also ??? this question was really hard to answer ??? i apologise 😅

anyway, yesyes i hope you have a fabulous day !!!

— your slightly-exhausted twinkie bub <333

i’m just gonna respond under a cut so that i can say as much as i want and this post won’t get too long 😂😂

HELLO MY BUBBBB !! i got halfway done :DD and oof yes i have to make the most of today 🥲🥲 jsjd thank u !!!

HHHH YES HE IS !!!!!! 🥺🥺 also sjjs i totally support the aria y/n movement <3333 it’s fine everybody would understand <3333333

i- HAHAHAHA yes our debut mini album will be coming out on the 32nd of deceptember pls look forward to it 🙏🏼🙏🏼.... 😂😂😂 and PLS yes there are so many things i can’t do 💔💔 jsjsjsjs but producing is actually what i want to do !!! so i think it’d be super fun to do it with jisung hehe <3 (but anyways thank u HAHA)

oh dang that is one FIRE group u got there........ it would DEFINITELY be a very Lively bunch but it would be so fun omg !!! consider me ur first stan !! 😃✋🏼 also u as the maknae AND the leader omg 😂 pop off !!!!! i totally forgot to pick a leader for mine oops- maybe me? maybe lisa? idk HAHA

LMAO yes it was a bit tricky but i think our answers were pretty solid !!!! i hope u have a wonderful night & get good sleepies 😤😤 <333

— your victorian twinkie producer pal jsdj <33333

[triptychexe]

S.O.T DEBUT MINI ALBUM - PART ONE [2015]

— PART ONE was the debut mini album released by Triptych subunit, S.O.T on July 3rd, 2015. The trio makes a bold entrance to the kpop scene with confident and charismatic tracks like their title track, WASABI, as well as b-sides YEAH YEAH YEAH and FEUGO. The girls explore a variety of genres with their first collection of tracks, including pop, rnb, hip-hop, and EDM, showing their versatility. With the promise of empowering listeners and fans, PART ONE is full of dance-able and catchy songs that will boost anyone’s confidence.

△ TRACK BY TRACK.

1] WASABI

A smooth and sexy pop track oozes confidence and charisma. With the goal in mind of making listeners feel unstoppable, the girls delivered with sharp lyrics and a catchy chorus. For their debut song, they wanted a song that grabbed people’s attention, and they certainly succeeded.

Writing credits go to all three girls.

The line distribution for this song can be found here.

2] YEAH YEAH YEAH

Having been in the spotlight since before their debut, the girls have been receiving disapproving words from critics since their trainee days. This pop track is a direct response to those who don’t support them, basically saying that they aren’t listening.

Written by all three girls.

3] DOWN

With lyrics that are catchy and memorable, the S.O.T girls bring forward a dance track that would fit right into a club’s playlist. This song was created from Zim making up her own song on the fly while the three girls were dancing around their kitchen. The final product was polished up by producers and writers.

Writing credits go to Zim and Yen.

4] FUEGO

Another charismatic EDM track that focuses on being one’s own hype man. With fiery imagery in their lyrics, the girls instill listeners with confidence and hype.

Written by Yen and Nia.

5] WOMAN

One of the first controversial songs released by Triptych. This song takes a feminist perspective on their current society. The girls received a lot of backlash for putting out such a blunt song, but it remains a fan-favorite.

Written by all three girls.

6] PICTURE PERFECT

The last song on the mini album closes out with an upbeat poppy reflection on how far the girls have come since their predebut days and how they are finally seeing their dreams fold out right in front of them.

Written by all three girls.

△ THIS ERA.

First off, they had a good amount of hype surrounding their debut thanks to the highly successful HBH Trainees 2014 project that they were apart of. 

Nia was easily one of the most popular trainees, so her debut alone was enough to gather lots of attention from the general public.

Because of their dedicated pre-debut fanbase, they were able to score their first music show win just a week after their debut. 

Their debut music video gathered 3.5 million views within the first 24 hours, which was a lot for an HBH group at the time. 

Shortly after their debut, knets were quick to criticize the girls. One of the biggest things they got attacked for was being accused of copying EXID’s charismatic charm.

Even though S.O.T and EXID never had any personal beef, Leggos and Artychs used to not get along at all because of these accusations. 

However, the air was cleared greatly when S.O.T and EXID performed a collaboration stage together at MAMA 2015.

They went on Weekly Idol the day after they got their first win and it was very clear to viewers that Yen did not like Doni and Coni at all. A lot of reaction memes were birthed from that episode.

Speaking of episodes, their YouTube show, Triptych TV, kicked off this era! It showed fans a more relaxed and goofy side of the girls. 

Some episodes included the girls promoting their mini album at a cafe, designing each other’s dream rooms, and doing mundane activities like grocery shopping and cooking.

As far as individual popularity goes, Nia was easily the most popular, closely followed by Zim, then Yen. Yen was only not so popular because people thought she had a bad attitude(and she lowkey did oop)

Yen also wasn’t so popular because she seemed to hang around male idols quite a lot. People accused her of dating almost every male idol she was seen around. 

Zim also was also dealing with body-shaming comments around the time of her debut, as she gained quite a bit of weight since her brief hiatus during her trainee days.

On the surface, things looked pretty fine, but behind the scenes, the girls were not doing so well. All of them were taking a mental toll on the drama they got caught up in. 

Tensions were high between members for a while. There was a period of time where they straight up didn’t get along (and you can kind of tell by their earlier performances - their chemistry is totally off). 

But towards the end of this era, things started getting better. Their friendship strengthened, they got the recognition they deserved, and their fan base grew tremendously.

△ ERA FASHION.

Primary colors were a must. Each girl wore their representative color on stage all the time. There was a time where the company wanted them to wear their respected colors off stage (at variety shows, airport, etc.) but then they decided against it because that’s cheesy and controlling.

A lot of fake fur (”I would rather show up naked than wear real fur.” - Yen, 2015).

A lot of checkered prints.

Baggy cargo pants with boots.

As far as hair goes:

Nia had shoulder length black hair with bangs. They kept it really simple, yet recognizable for their leader and center.

Zim had black hair that faded into yellow. Her hair was so fried from having to re-dye it every other week that during TROMME’s debut period and S.O.T’s rest period, she had to cut her hair. 

Yen had long dark brown hair that was ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS either in dutch braids or pigtails. They tried to give her like the ‘bratty maknae’ look to match her bratty maknae personality.

△ FANDOM BEHAVIORS.

During fansigns, fans proved to be just as funny in person as they are online. 

S.O.T would always die laughing at every fansign, which gave some great photos for fansites. 

Artych’s formed a really great bond with the girls because they were always so respectful?

Like they would hold up red ribbons together at airports to prevent the girls from getting mobbed.

The only downside of Artychs this era was the beef that they had with Leggos online. It got pretty out-of-hand sometimes, giving Artychs a bit of a bad rep. 

However, they were all pretty chill for the most part. 

[jjongdee]

my favourite songs this month(so far !) - january 2020

1. BTS - ‘Black Swan’

This song just came out. I really, genuinely like it. I am looking forward to Map Of The Soul: 7 a lot more now, because the vibe of ‘Interlude: Shadow’ and ‘Black Swan’ are a lot darker than ‘MOTS: Persona’ ‘s, and it’s so up my alley. The hip-hop is showing through so much more than the last album, and I love the EDM/trap elements, as well as the subtle rock influence. I’m obsessed. Can’t wait.

2. DAWN - ‘MONEY’

This song came out at the end of last year, in November. I don’t remember first hearing it, but it was added to my playlist. Then, around the end of December, I really listened to it well. I watched the music video, too. Something about Dawn’s voice, really- it’s indescribable, sort of. It made me emotional, because Pentagon’s ‘Shine’ was my favourite song for so long, and his part really stuck out to me, and especially now it does. I guess this song triggers something in me about how much his voice means to me, even now that he’s a solo artist. I think I am just proud of him. How much Pentagon’s music helped me the past couple years. Just hits home. Also, “돈” by 던 is very clever. 

3. TAEMIN - ‘Sexuality’

I don’t think I can write a paragraph about this song like I can with the others. Not because it’s less of a song, or means less to me. It means a lot, I just can’t describe it in words. Please listen to it. There’s hardly words the describe the artistry and talent that Taemin posseses. Let’s just say I have the utmost love and respect for that guy. I hope he’s happy and healthy and safe, and I hope SHINee and SuperM can have a wonderful year.

4. Jackson Wang - ‘Papillon’

Hehe. I think Jackson(from china~~!! hehe he’s a cutie) is such an amazing artist and musician and this song really shows that. He’s very talented and special, and I think everyone agrees that Jackson is just amazing. From his music, to his performance, his heart, his abilities in language and sports- this guy! I could go on and on, but- this is a great song. If you love it, ‘Different Game’ is another one that has the same vibe.

5. CHEEZE - ‘We’re Everywhere’

Hm. I stumbled upon this song pretty recently. It’s really nice. It’s not too chill to the point that I get bored, but it’s relaxed and very pretty. I think the chorus has such a nice, feel-good ambience. Not usually my absolute favourite sort of song, but this one is pleasant. Listen, please!

6. JONGHYUN - ‘Deja-Boo’ and ‘Suit Up’

It wouldn’t be a favourites playlist without Jonghyun, would it? And yes, I picked two songs. I really love them both. Firstly, ‘Deja-Boo’. He knew what he was doing when he made this song, didn’t he? This song has aged incredibly well. Jonghyun’s voice is obviously (pretty much!)unmatched, not only in the Korean pop industry, but I think in the music industry as a whole. His music holds magic, I think. As for ‘Suit Up’. Such a sentimental, yet sensual jam! The intro isn’t my favourite, but 29 seconds in I’m automatically hooked again. It’s sweet and soft and holds a subtle sense of urgency and excitement. I like that Jonghyun described it as like the wedding night, when the bow tie and the veil are no longer needed. Other than the wink-wink meaning, I think he’s talking about marriage as a whole, and how he saw it. Like two people and love and other than that, nothing else is needed. I love these songs. (fangirl note: ughhhhhhh his voice !!)

7. Golden Child - ‘WANNABE’

This song definitely isn’t as deep as the others. This song makes me feel good and gets me pumped up, I like the vocals, the instruments, and everything about it. I heard some people say it was a little underwhelming and too people-pleasing(like just going with what’s trendy right now, that Stray Kids, ATEEZ, heavily EDM influenced sound), but I don’t think so. I like it a lot. Thanks for the gem, Golden Child!

8. SUPER JUNIOR - ‘SUPER Clap’

As the biggest Heechul stan, it’s hardly satisfying to see he has six(6) lines, but, you can’t say this song isn’t awesome(and I’m so happy he appeared at all!). Cheers to SuJu for still making awesome music. Love you guys.

9. WayV - ‘Love Talk’

This!! Song!! It’s not my absolute favourite, but it was for a hot minute! This song isn’t ~really~ my vibe, but it’s well produced, I can tell. I don’t know much about this group except for the fact that they’re a Chinese-based(?) sub-unit of NCT and this is my favourite song of theirs. It’s sexy! It’s cool! It’s trendy! And the rap parts are really nice. ‘Tis a jam.

10. TOMORROW X TOGETHER - ‘Angel Or Devil’

I’ve recently fallen in love with this song(recently meaning the past month). It’s more cutesy, but I absolutely don’t mind! It’s so poppy! I think TXT’s got this music thing figured out. Surprisingly, this song was my least favourite on the album(The Dream Chapter: Magic. This album. May have made my year.) when it came out. I really love it now. I love TXT, too. Those boys are already making and doing incredible things and they’ve got so many more good years coming! They’re not quite on their brother group’s heels yet, but I think in the next few years they’ll be their biggest competition! Hehe.

————————————————————————

all of these songs are korean, oops! i think that if you don’t listen to korean music, you can still find something you’d like on this list. and, some honourable mentions!

Stray Kids - ‘Gone Days’

Video Age - ‘Pop Therapy’

GOT7 - ‘You Calling My Name’

SOAK - ‘Knock Me Off My Feet’

Bien - ‘Electric Dream’

[daily-music-recs]

A Year in Review: 2019

A Year in Review: 2019, despite being a few days late (oops), features my personal favorite songs, artists, and albums of 2019, ranging from K-pop to pop to Latin pop to C-pop. While you may or may not agree with me, I hope that everyone gets a chance to celebrate the wonderful music that has blessed us this past year :)

Songs of the Year

To be honest, I’ve gushed over these songs a ton already (I think I’ve recommended most, if not all, in previous posts), so I’ll spare you the long-winded fangirling and just list them here. Every single one of these songs is near and dear to my heart, so I would highly recommend checking them out :)

WayV - Dream Launch

CNCO - Pretend

Naomi Scott - Speechless

Produce X 101 - 이뻐이뻐 (Pretty Girl)

Produce X 101 - Move

Produce X 101 - 소년미 (Boyness)

Produce X 101 - Dream For You

The Boyz - D.D.D

X1 - Flash

AB6IX - Blind For Love

AB6IX - D.R.E.A.M

WayV - Love Talk *I prefer the Chinese version because otherwise I’ll just cringe from the English lyrics lol

Seventeen - Fear

Stray Kids - Levanter

NCT U - Coming Home

Stray Kids - Neverending Story

Baek Yerin - Square (2017)

Artists of the Year

CNCO

I had briefly seen news articles about CNCO and their success before, but I didn’t know who they were or how addictive their music was until I really delved into their discography about halfway through the year due to my love for their song Pretend. Since then, I’ve kept tabs on their new releases, and I’ve got to say that I haven’t been disappointed!

Produce X 101 and X1

Despite the ensuing drama about the voting controversy, the trainees from Produce X 101 and X1 have continuously released great music. I would like to applaud them all for their strength in the face of harsh criticism.

AB6IX

Their album 6IXSENSE (described below) solidified their place as artists whom I really enjoy. And of course, I’ve been a fan since their Produce 101 season 2 and Wanna One and YG Silver Boys days.

WayV

WayV debuted early in 2019 and literally rocked my world with how consistently amazing their discography is. I also think that as the first all-Chinese SM group, they are pioneering a new stage of SM’s relationship with the Chinese market. It’s not a light burden, but the boys have done extremely well, and I think their success and popularity attests to that.

ATEEZ

ATEEZ have been everywhere and done everything this year! Their momentum has been astounding and also very, very admirable. They’re poised to become huge in Korea - they’re already huge internationally, despite their rookie status. I’m definitely keeping an eye on them, and I’m excited to see where they end up in 2020! As a side note, I also LOVE their songwriting/composing team over at KQ Entertainment. They’ve made me fall in love with many, many songs of genres that I generally do not enjoy.

Albums of the Year

Luis Fonsi - Vida

I love pretty much every song on this album (and it’s a full-length album!). I also appreciate that the diverse style of music in the album showcases Luis Fonsi’s versatility and vocal prowess. I highly recommend checking it out!

Blackpink - Kill This Love

What a wonderful mini-album from Blackpink! I really grew into loving every song over time.

AB6IX - 6IXENSE

Blind For Love and D.R.E.A.M (as described above) are my personal favorites from this album, but all of the other songs are really great as well! I think AB6IX outdid themselves and established their signature style with this album.

Kim Jaehwan - Moment

If you’re a Produce 101 season 2 and/or Wanna One fan, suffice to say that this mini-album has been a long time coming, but no less well-deserved :)

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And with that...upward and onward in the new year!