#or 2) become Obsessed with them forever because they are just so fucking . Wrong. like .

[genshin-projection]

i don't think i can be normal about Sunday guys

[haetrack]

haechan is always so cute when he wears those thick-rimmed glasses that it kinda just makes me wanna ruin him. imagine him looking up at you with pleading eyes and those cute glasses tilted on his face while you ride him. it’d be even better if he’s all messy, tears falling freely and his brain all muddled because all he can think about is you and how badly he wants to cum.

i NEED to hear ur thoughts on this.. it’s been a wip in my drafts for like a week i’m going insane

THIS BUT WITH NERD!HAECHAN. i need to sit down and take a breath... everyone stand back. part 2 part 3

-

“my pretty boy, what’s wrong?”

you know what’s wrong, you’re teasing him. you’re on his lap, slowly riding him as he tries to hold back cries and whimpers. his head is tilted back, his neck practically begging to be kissed. you lean forward, pressing soft, wet kisses all over. he gives up on holding back his sounds, whining out to you as he grips tightly on your hips.

“please,” he lets out a choked whimper, “just wanna cum, wan’ you to let me cum.”

he tilts forward, trying to kiss you. you move out of the way, laughing at how he tries to chase your lips. your hand grips his face, cooing at how he looks up at you with his pretty eyes. he looks dazed, already so fucked-out with just you on top of him. you haven’t even given him what he really wants, just grinding down your hips as he twitches inside of you.

“mm, it feels nice like this, though. you feel so good inside of me.”

he nods, eyes fluttering shut as you clench around him. he can’t beg, taking what you give him without complaining. he never thought this would happen, never thought you’d fuck him like this. all the nights he’s spent fisting his cock to the thought of you can’t compare to this, even if you’re practically ignoring him. he lets out a shaky breath, his blunt nails digging into the skin of your hips.

“won’t you tell me how bad you want this, my pretty baby?”

he fights off a moan, biting the inside of his cheek before he speaks, “want this so bad, thought of you so much and i just- just wanna cum.”

“aw,” you pout, “all you wanna do is cum? thought you wanted to hang out with me, too.”

he quickly shakes his head, sitting up a bit more straight, “n-no! i do! i like you so much, i want to be with you, want you to fuck me!”

a wry smile appears on your face, “that’s all i needed to hear, baby.”

you almost pull off of him before slamming your hips down. he lets out a loud cry, his hips chasing yours as he tries desperately not to cum so fast. he can’t let this end, can’t let the sight of you on top of him go. you look down at him with hooded eyes, your gaze and how good you feel against him making his face go hot.

his glasses become foggy, the sight of your teasing smile getting lost behind the fog. he whines out in embarrassment, the back of his hand reaching up to messily wipe away at the fog. he shoves his glasses a little too hard, too focused on how your warm walls suck him in deeply.

you laugh out at his crooked glasses, cooing as you fix them, “you’re so excited, so excited that you're drooling and being all clumsy.”

he nods, not trusting his shaky voice. it fails though, feeling your thumb press against his mouth, swiping at the drool that’s slipped out. he wasn’t even aware he was drooling, your body pressed against him being almost too much for him to handle. he can feel your nipples against his chest, his back arching to meet press harder against your chest.

your thumb traces his bottom lip, “suck.”

he listens, two of your fingers sliding into his mouth as he swirls his tongue around them. you’re all over him, he wants to stay like this forever. he might just be a little too obsessed with you like this, taking all that you want from him as he sits there, allowing you to do whatever.

your fingers slide out of his mouth, opting to trail under his shirt, moving to his chest. he lets out a loud whimper as he feels your wet fingers toy with his nipples. he can’t help how his hips stutter against you, the stimulation becoming too much. he can feel how tears begin to build in his eyes, pleasure consuming him.

“doesn’t this feel so nice?” you realize he’s not listening to you, watching him moan freely as his hands grip your thighs. you slow down your pace, grinding down on his cock as you try to ignore how his tip hits your sweet spot. you pinch his nipple, his chest arching into yours as he almost cums on the spot.

“pay attention to me,” you whine, “or else i’ll make myself cum on your cock and leave you here all by yourself.”

he lets out a shaky breath, “s-sorry. it just feels too good, you fuck me so good.” his eyes look up at you, losing focus as he sees the grin on your face. he has to tell himself to pay attention, tries to refocus as your hips begin to bounce against him again. the sound of skin against skin, the harsh sting of your nails digging into his skin making his cock twitch. he loves it all.

he realizes he’s crying when you press kisses against his cheeks, tongue swiping out to lick them up. you can feel his warm breath fan across your face, whispers of your name filling the little space between the both of you. when you lean back, his eyes bore into yours, “can i please cum? wanna fill you up…”

you smile, hand reaching up to wipe a stray tear off his cheek. you clean his glasses for him, wiping them against his shirt before placing them back on his nose. he thanks you, hips pushing inside of you, trying to remind you what he really wants. you move his hands back to your hips, feeling how he grips at the flesh, taking you all in.

“i’ll give my baby whatever he wants.”

you hear him whisper out a small thank you as you move faster, feeling how restless he’s become. he doesn’t care about how loud he’s being, doesn’t care about how much he might seem like a desperate loser right now. none of it matters when you’re here right now, your eyes watching his face, drinking up all his sounds.

when he realizes he’s close to cumming, he moves his hands up to your waist and pulls you close to him. his eyes look into yours before deeply kissing you. it’s messy, tongues moving against each other as drool slides down your chin. you can feel how hot his face is, imagining how his glasses are probably fogged up again.

you don’t care, feeling his hands reach for whatever he can grab as his hips rut into yours as he cums inside of you. spurts of cum shoot into you, his cock twitching with every movement you make. he’s moaning into your mouth, trying to fight off the overstimulation as you cum around his cock, fueled by his pretty moans and face.

he tries to push at your hips, but they move on their own as you ride him. his spent cock twitches inside of you, the pain bleeds into pleasure as you fuck yourself onto him. he can feel you slow down, pulling out of him. he realizes that it’s all over, suddenly wanting you close again. he moans out, “don’t want this to end, want you here, wan’ you to use me whenever. please, please don’t go.”

“why can’t we go for a round two?” you grin.

[missingmark]

― who you gonna call? pt.1

the boys know they'll always have someone to call when they need them. that someone in question being you, luckily that feeling is more than mutual.

‧₊˚ matt x gn!reader

‧₊˚ warnings: light swearing, otherwise very very wholesome :)

‧₊˚ word count: 840

‧₊˚ pt.2 ( nick ) | pt.3 ( chris ) | masterlist

( 𝖒. ) ; you call him when it all feels like way too much

You had almost fallen asleep in Matt's car if it weren't for the enthusiastic rambling of your best friend next to you. One of his hands would sometimes leave the steering wheel to comb through his hair or emphasize his words with some sort of gesture. Your eyes, even half lidded, would follow his movement, your head against the window in the passenger seat

He had offered to pick you up from college after hearing how awful your day was.

"-and, I don't know what happened but Nick suddenly developed a weird obsession with Po from Kung Fu Panda, it's like all he talks about. Can you believe it? Chris has to leave the room any time it starts."

If you weren't so tired you would have giggled at his story, but any movement seemed to drain your energy even more and you were saving it up for having to peel yourself from the seat and walking into their home.

Matt insisted on assisting you, carrying you on his back into the house as he continued to talk.

"Yesterday I walked in on him reading an article called "25 inspirational Kung Fu Panda Quotes that will change your life forever" and when I tried to address it he just hissed at me. He hissed."

Chris looked up from his place on the couch, a smile forming on his face at the sight of the two of you. He, too, was forced to listen to your whining in the group chat about your hard day.

"Move," Matt muttered once he stood in front of his brother, turning around and letting you plop onto the couch with a small thud, your head landing in Chris' lap.

"Ouch! Dude, your head is heavy as fuck."

You opened one eye to glare up at him.

"Cuz it's full of knowledge, stupid."

"I highly doubt that, considering you literally sat through the wrong class today and didn't notice for the whole 50 minutes."

"How do you know that?!" You yelled, covering your face in embarrassment.

"Cuz you literally spammed us all about it in the group chat today, you goof."

"Oh god." You mumbled into your hands, not noticing the third brother also entering the room, leaning over the couch to offer you some of his sympathy.

"Why did I even want to become a film major, who put this insane stupid dummy-dumb idea into my head?!" You groaned, kicking your legs in frustration.

"Because you made a compilation of Nick falling down when we were in middle school and you called it your magnum opus," Chris recalled, stroking your head in sympathy.

"That was a pretty funny video," Matt mumbled under his breath.

"I should quit," You murmured only to be met with disagreement from your friends.

"Sure you're having a bit of a tough day, but you'll get through it," Nick tried to cheer you up, "You'll be done with college soon anyway."

"But if you want to take a bit of a break, we'll understand, maybe skip some classes tomorrow to get a good rest and-"

"That's a terrible idea, Chris! They already missed one of their classes today. If you skip you'll just be farther behind with the material."

Nick walked over to you, taking your hands in his as he looked deep into your eyes.

"A real warrior never quits," he smiled.

You almost smiled back.

"Po said that in the first Kung Fu Panda, but to be honest the second one is like-"

"Ok. I have to leave," Chris mumbled, lifting your head as gentle as he could despite the sudden spike in rage that was building up in him at his brothers words.

He walked towards the kitchen only for Nick to follow after him.

"What?! What's your problem with the panda? You hater!" Their voices grew faint. Only you and Matt being left at this point.

He walked over towards you, lying down on the couch too and pulling you into his chest.

"I believe in you. Never ever tell him I said this but Nick is right; don't quit, okay? Rest a bit now and I'll help you with your assignments once you wake up."

You grinned into his sweatshirt and let the tiredness finally take over your body.

i wrote this while watching schaffrillas production review kung fu panda 2.

i hope you enjoyed, luv u <3

[kagoutiss]

Actually I'm not done talking about your Ganondorf yet, he's so blorbo/pos, this man wants power but has to put up with so much shit that he makes everyone else put up with his shit too. 10/10 also I would like to kiss him please

FIRST OF ALL THANK YOU AGAIN AAA, SECOND OF ALL you’re so right about this that i ended up…writing many paragraphs of character analysis about him in this regard because this activated something in my brain. like about him inflicting shit on other people because of the shit that’s inflicted on him, and how much i’ve thought about that. i have so many feelings about his shitty personality, i think a fundamental part of why i love him is that he is…literally an asshole and he’s kind of impulsive and often terrible to people for no reason and he’s probably genuinely unbearable to be around even if you are close to him, but i think he is that way by virtue of the COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE REALITY that he lives in?? like.

ok so. i feel like OoT ganondorf is AS unpredictable & unreasonable & unpleasant as the circumstances that he lives with. we’re talking about someone who was not only born into the role of king of a nation that’s been generationally abused by Hyrule since the start of a centuries-long war predating OoT, but he’s also become accustomed to fighting against the Sheikah of that time period, who notably still had an immense technological advantage, and apparently inherit divine knowledge from the gods, and are capable of making evidence of their crimes against humanity just sort of…DISAPPEAR from the sight of most average people??? and also they. fucking invented time travel apparently

one of my favorite bits of really underrated OoT lore is how the Composer Brothers (who you can speak to as ghosts in the Kakariko Graveyard) were hired at some point by the royal family to study the powers of the royal bloodline, and they invented the Sun’s Song, which accelerates time, turns night to day, etc. a form of time travel, in essence. and. canonically. the Composer Brothers committed suicide when they found out ganondorf was going to try to steal their completed research. maybe to prevent him from torturing the the information out of them even if they destroyed it? which is a completely fucking batshit piece of lore that i still cannot believe exists

but imo it also gives a bit more context as to how desperate ganondorf probably was at the heel end of the civil war, or whenever this happened. he was literally having to contend with people who can fucking time travel, and to some extent, alter reality at will, superficially or otherwise. i’m not at all surprised that he has a tendency to 1) hold grudges forever and remember everything that’s ever been done to him, and 2) obsess over stealing the full Triforce, the one chance that any regular mortal has at changing their reality in a fundamental way. i think it’s probably difficult to make real personal connections when you’ve always been constantly at risk of losing anything & everything that you care about, in a way that may or may not affect whether those things had ever existed in the first place

i also feel like he PREFERS to be demonized/label himself really hyperbolic things like the King of All Evil and stuff because it’s…the opposite of what Hyrule does. Hyrule makes itself out to be this Supremely Benevolent Institution That Is Chosen By The Gods And Can Do No Wrong, while simultaneously disappearing its naysayers underground and torturing them and killing them and committing genocide against any territories that refuse to be absorbed under the Hyrulean banner. i don’t think Ganondorf cares whether his actions are necessarily good or evil, but i think that to him, the most abhorrent thing in existence is a thing that claims to be good when it isn’t.

so. he presumably spent his entire early life having to fend off the ever-looming bootheel of Hyrule’s royal family, while their army and their secret police were actively destroying the Gerudo and then gaslighting them all about it on an Existential Level. like. yeah no i think him having immense issues and…projecting the lack of control that he feels onto people around him, and being fully defined by his ambitions to take the triforce, and wanting people to despise him/see him as fundamentally evil, and him being sort of incapable of forming genuine connections with people, is…kinda par for the course with that agdkahkfjagajfhs

[andreabaideas]

WHO OF THE SIX WOULD GET THEMSELVES TURNED INTO A VAMPIRE?

Woah, interesting question...I really LOVE It! Thank you!!! @singerj2002 😊❤️.

I' m telling you in advance...Its gonna be a really long rant and there will be spoilers of many stories of Vampire Fiction, be aware.

It has different scenarios (which I love to do)

By the Six you mean all of them including Camila? Im going to put all the Six featuring Rod, Teddy, Simone, Bernie , Lisa, Daisy and Julia too, because Its interesting to me :

I think everyone can be prone to It, so i'm adding the percentages for all of them and their scenarios.

Theres 3 scenarios : Voluntarily, Accidentally and Involuntarily.

• Involuntarily or Unwanted: The most common one.

By that I mean :

Angering a Vampire, so It curses you. Unlife sucks

• Getting food treatment /getting "snacked" and turned as result. Unlife also sucks

• Attracting the wrong kind of attention of a Vampire creep,like you are attractive to the Vampire, Who as said Its a creep, so you get attacked and infected / turned and Unlife also sucks.

• Also included being an unwilling witness of something supernatural involving a Vampire It caughts you...So you get turned so that you aren't a liability anymore. Curiosity kill the cat and the nosy human too...Unlife also sucks?

• Voluntarily : you want to be eternally Hot Young, you are sick and you dont want to die, you fall in love and want to be with the Vampire in love 🎶forever and ever✨ 🙄. You convince or you get convinced and you get turned. You dont know where you got into...You'll know. Maybe you are Happy, but Its unlikely, well at least you keep living...sort of.

• Accidentally : It involves always Vampire fluids entering you, yeah imagine the options... having Sex, being bitten during It, maybe you punch the Vampire and some Blood fall on your eyes, mouth, so you get Infected...😅. The Vampire didn't intend to turn you, shit happens, that's it. Maybe you are fucked maybe Its a bliss, Who knows.

The characters :

Daisy Jones

50 % to 100% Vampire.

She is beautiful, she is Hot, she sings like an angel, talented, and she was/ is a drug addict so...Chances are very high too. 

Many scenarios : 

1- She gets turned attacked by vamp creep obsessed with her.  Unlife sucks. 

2- She gets turned bitten by Vampire fan while having Sex... Unlife sucks. 

3 - Gets fluidly turned by having unprotected Sex with a vampire. Oopss 😅😱. Body horror vampire turning (super probable tbh)

4- Jealous petty Vampire turns her to fuck up her life... Doesn't work, she is cool Vampire Boss bitch for eternity, as you know she would be. 

5- Gets offered by Vampire music lover fan to be turned that voice can't just die!!! She is sooo high and wasted than she accepts, thinking Its a tripping allucination...It isn't. 

6- Falls or think she Falls in love with a vampire, gets turned ✨for looovee🎶... Then she regrets It. 

7- Vampire offers her to be her friend companion and join her female coven. She'll be free, will travel and eternally able to make music, she accepts and gets turned. Its mostly happy,  very cool concept.  

8- While a (lethal) overdose she gets turned by nice fan/ groupie or by nice Vampire doctor (again insert Carlisle Cullen here). Its the most common scenario for her (and the happiest tbh, someone like Carlisle would be good for her)

9- She gets in a deadly bus accident (the Six and Daisy's bus sucked sooo super much, and in the 70's car safety was science fiction....so she gets turned by a friendly vamp doctor (Guess Who??).

She may or not turn Teddy , so that he doesnt die maybe Billy in an drink overdose scenario.

In all scenarios she becomes a Vampire Queen Boss bitch, as she deserves, and you know It.

Billy Dunne 50 % to 100% Vampire. I love Billy , I truly do, he IS my "I can fix him. really I can" man, but he is Vampire material absolutely , because he is kind of a mess, a very Hot and very beautiful one at that alalso super talented and has great voice.

He has soo many scenarios, the most complete one out of the Six:

1- fighting he gets splashed with vamp Blood that falls on his mouth, nose and eyes…Game over, gets turned by slow body horror infection.

2- He has unprotected Sex with a vampire groupie, fluids are involved (obviously). The Vampire don't want to turn him theres no intention of infection, just of Sexy times, but It's Game over anyway, he is turned by slow body horror infection.

3- Fights a Vampire, Who in retalation bites him to curse him. Gets bitten, Game over, turned into Vampire.

4 -A Vampire gets obsessed with him, assaults him and turns him.

5-A Vampire groupie Its obsessed with him, seduces him, and while doing voluntary Happy sex …Bites him. Gets turned.

6- He gets in a deadly bus accident, the Six and Daisy's bus sucked sooo super much, and in the 70's car safety was science fiction….so he gets turned by a friendly vamp doctor (Insert Carlisle Cullen here)

7- He gets alcohol overdose , he gets turned while dying by a nice Vampire fan groupie and or Vampire doctor (insert my beloved Carlisle Cullen here).

8- To protect his loved ones of a great threat, convinces a Vampire to turn him as in Drácula Untold. He gets turned (best scenario But most uncommon).

9- Vampire offers to turn him his talent and voice can't be Lost!!!! He accepts because he is wasted/drunk as fuck so he thinks he IS tripping balls, and says yes…He wasn't tripping…XD.

Camila Dunne 

40-100% 

Higher than you might expect, but i'm taking her canon (lupus/cancer) health issues into account.

Camila is slightly more wise than the other two, but lets imagine she gets sick right before the Chicago concert fiasco, so... 

1- Vampire creep sees her with Billy, gets turned for jealousy or in assault scenario. 

2- Vampire wants to fuck Billy after a fight, turns Camila in retalation, she rips the vampire's head, as she should. 

3- She gets in a deadly bus accident (the Six and Daisy's bus sucked sooo super much, and in the 70's car safety was science fiction....so she gets turned by a friendly doctor (Guess Who?).

4- She is sick super fast, becomes friendly with her  doctor Who happens to be a vampire ( Carlisle Cullen!!) and manager to convince her new friend to turn her, like she is pretty, Young, and Kid Julia deserves a Mom , so she gets turned. Most common and Happy scenario for her tbh. 

In all scenarios she becomes a Vampire Queen Boss bitch, as she deserves, and you know It.

Graham Dunne 

10 to 100% 

If It just depends on his luck and attitude, then he IS safe, but , he IS a Rick star and....Billy's brother, so he may be used as revenge weapon... 

1- Angry Vampire fights Billy, then turns Graham as revenge. 

2- Groupie obsessed bites him. 

3- He gets in a deadly bus accident (the Six and Daisy's bus sucked sooo super much, and in the 70's car safety was science fiction....so he gets turned by a friendly doctor (Guess Who?).

Warren Rojas 

30-80% 

He IS a Wild card, because he is very funny, and some vampires can takes jokes too personally

1- Angers a Vampire, gets turned. 

2- Vampire creep, gets turned. 

3 - Gets offered to be a vampire , he accepts thinking high as fuck that It's a joke... It isn't 

4- He gets in a deadly bus accident (the Six and Daisy's bus sucked sooo super much, and in the 70's car safety was science fiction)....so he gets turned by a friendly doctor (Guess Who?).

Eddie Roundtree 

50 to 100% 

Eddie can be very annoying, so getting the fang treatment for him isn't that farfetched XD. 

1- Angers a Vampire, gets snacked/ turned. 

2- Vampire asshole tricks him by offering him to be hotter and better than Billy, then gets turned. 

3- Vampire creep fan, gets turned. 

4 - The infamous accident. 

He gets in a deadly bus accident (the Six and Daisy's bus sucked sooo super much, and in the 70's car safety was science fiction) ...so he gets turned by a friendly doctor (Guess Who?).

Karen Sirko 

A very interesting one:  50 to 100 % . Hot, talented she may attract vampires, for the worst. 

1- Vampire creep, gets turned. 

2- Vampire offers her to be her friend companion and join her female coven. She'll be free, will travel, be childless and eternally able to make music, she accepts and gets turned. Its super happy. Most common scenario and very cool concept.  

3- Au scenario. The abortion seemed to be well done, but abortions can be dangerous too: infections, Blood loss...Then you haven't to get the 70's botched procedures and the backalley abortions too... It was and sadly still IS a horror movie scenario for many women to try and get a good doctor and clean place for the procedure ( free choice and legal abortion save womens lives!!!!! ) ...Anyway, but what if Karen's abortion got complications or wasn't well done?? Then she can be deathly sick because of it and then she has to be turned by super nice friendly vamp doctor who pities her (Guess Who?!).

4 - The infamous accident. She gets in a deadly bus accident (the Six and Daisy's bus sucked sooo super much, and in the 70's car safety was science fiction....so she gets turned by a friendly doctor (Guess Who?).

5- During a night stand gets bitten.

Rod Reyes

25% - 75% 

He IS smart but he Its ambitious , he may get the wrong attention. 

1- Falls in love with Vampire Guy. Gets turned for love. 

2- Vampire thinks his ambition Its attractive and/ or a threat, gets turned either for frienship or hate.

Teddy Price 

0% to 100% 

He has health issues, so i'm taking that into account. 

1- Gets turned by Au vamp Daisy, she loves him she cant lose him!! 

2- Gets sick, befriends Vampire doctor, gets turned. 

Simone Jackson 

20 to 100% 

She is beautiful, sings like an angel... Vampires approve that, sadly for her. 

1- Vampire wrong creep attention, gets turned. 

2- Vampire offers her to be her friend companion and join her female coven . She'll be free, will travel, be childless and eternally able to make music, she accepts and gets turned. Its super happy. Most common scenario and very cool concept.  

3- The infamous accident. She gets in a deadly bus accident while on Daisy's bus (the Six and Daisy's bus sucked sooo super much, and in the 70's car safety was science fiction....so she gets turned by a friendly doctor (Guess Who?).

Bernie 

0% to 50% 

1- Vampire wrong creep attention, gets turned. 

2- During a night stand gets bitten. 

3- Vampire offers her to be her friend companion and join her female coven . She'll be free, will travel, be childless and eternally able to make music, she accepts and gets turned. Its super happy. Most common scenario and very cool concept.  

4- The infamous accident. She gets in a deadly bus accident in Daisy's bus accompaying Simone (the Six and Daisy's bus sucked sooo super much, and in the 70's car safety was science fiction....so she gets turned by a friendly doctor (Guess Who?).

Lisa Crowne 

Hot talented super star actress?? With hot Vampire rock star? Vampires fancy that.

1- Vampire wrong creep attention, gets turned. 

2- During a night stand gets bitten. 

3- Vampire offers her to be her friend companion and join her female coven . She'll be free, will travel, be Hot and Young and eternally able to act, she accepts and gets turned. Its super happy. Most common scenario and very cool concept.  

4- The infamous accident. She gets in a deadly bus accident in the Six bus while being with Warren , the Six and Daisy's bus sucked sooo super much, and in the 70's car safety was science fiction....so she gets turned by a friendly doctor (Guess Who?).

Julia Dunne 

Kid Julia 0% to 10% Almost no Vampire would risk Its head to turn a kid, Its illegal in most vampires universes for a reason. 

Adult Julia 50 to 100% : Before you start saying, but Julia Its nice and smart... She is Billy's daughter and she is a journalist / documentarist...

1- Falls in love while doing an investigation, gets turned by Vampire lover. (Has anyone seen the show Moonlight ? She'll be like the main girl Beth) 

2- Witness/ Discovers something she shouldn't have... Gets turned. 

3- Vampire wants to revenge on Billy, gets turned. 

4- She interviews a person claiming to be a vampire, after the interview she gets turned ... Interview with the Vampire anyone?!, shell be like Young Daniel Molloy , but smarter, so she gets turned at the end , not many years later.

Super cool ask!!! As you see i like vampires.

That's It.

[blouisparadise]

Upon request, here is a rec list of BL fics where Louis is absolutely smittne with Harry. If you enjoy our rec lists, please be sure to like and reblog the post to help spread the word. Happy reading!

1) Press Into My Bones | Explicit | 2121 words

“What the fuck is wrong with you,” he hisses, half annoyed, half aroused.

Harry only hums in lieu of a reply, his eyes not even open yet. Bastard. His mate is a bastard.

Or Louis wakes up full.

2) The Moon, The Stars (Are Nothing Without You) | Explicit | 2960 words

There are times when Louis wishes he could freeze time. Moments where he wishes he could put the world on halt and just breathe because sometimes it feels like everything is moving much too fast and all the years of his life won’t ever be enough time for him to soak it all in.

3) In My Bed (You're Not Here) | Mature | 5685 words

Louis fears that his long-term boyfriend Harry is losing feelings for him. A drunken night reveals he might be wrong.

4) Let’s Shack Up | Explicit | 11257 words

In which Louis wants to wake up in Harry’s arms forever. So he makes a list.

Or Loosely based on Ben Platt’s "Share Your Address"

5) No Place Without You | Explicit | 19089 words

 A Wanderlust AU in which Harry doesn't have a permanent home and stays with Louis when he visits NYC.

6) Absolutely Smitten | Explicit | 20120 words

Adopting Clifford was a way for Louis to finally cope with his loneliness, as a lively dog would spice up his life and his boring daily routine. Now, he surely didn’t expect Clifford to lead him to meet one strange man obsessed with his cat that he walks and cooks with.

Somehow, Louis falls in love pretty fast along the way.

7) Boyfriend Material | Explicit | 22565 words

So basically Nick bets Louis he can't go two months without sex. And then he introduces Harry to him. Because he's the devil.

8) Force of Nature | Explicit | 25672 words

Louis is a shy, young musician who doesn't want to go to Harvard.

Harry is a confident,  second year athlete who likes to have a good time.

When their paths cross while their families are vacationing at the same lake resort, what begins as a summer of fun becomes a defining journey that might just change everything.

9) Compete Against The Stars | Mature | 30980 words

An ABO au where Louis finds out he's claimed to another Alpha. Angst ensues.

10) These Hallowed Woods | Explicit | 35535 words

Louis becomes Luna of the Tomlinson Pack after the untimely death of his father, the Pack Alpha. Saddled with his newfound responsibility and an unpleasantly demanding pack council, he finds secret respite in the arms of a rogue wolf that camps out just outside his territory. The only problem? The rogue has no idea who Louis actually is, and as Louis falls harder and harder for the man he escapes to every night, the weight of his lies steers him along a path of certain misery.

11) I Think I'm In Love This Christmas | Explicit | 36084 words

Home for the holidays and tired of being single, Louis tells his family that he’s dating his childhood friend, Harry (the fact he’s in love with him is irrelevant). Unbeknownst to him, Harry's the handyman who's been helping his parents whilst he's been at uni. So he's left to confront the alpha and ask for his assistance. Pretending to date your best friend is easier than Louis imagined.    

12) Worth Dying For | Explicit | 44906 words

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Louis says, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. In the center of the table, a set of three glossy photos stares up at him, mocking him.

“A security detail is non-negotiable, Louis, you know this,” his mum reminds him, tapping the middle photo with two fingers.

Louis doesn’t look back down at the pictures, gesturing towards them wildly, over-dramatically. “This is not a security detail!” he protests. “This is a lanky college student. In what world do you hire someone like this kid to protect me?”

13) Through The Wheatfields And The Coastlines | Explicit | 52855 words

The one where Louis needs inspiration, and a certain cowboy and his lamb are the perfect distraction.

14) Apples Always Fall (As I Do For You) | Mature | 54609 words

Louis is staying at his Aunt's farm in a small town in Minnesota for four months. To deal with the boredom that sets in a week into his stay, he starts working at the local apple orchard, owned by twenty six year old Harry Styles.

Louis quickly finds himself falling in love with the orchard, and he finds a family in Harry's friends Niall, Liam, and Zayn.

He also starts to fall in love with Harry.

Falling in love with him turns out to be the easy part.

15) The Galaxy's Edge | Explicit | 113921 words

In which Louis is a bounty hunter with a messed up past. Harry is a prince who just wants to prove himself. Niall and Zayn have too many things to figure out together. And Liam just wants to take care of his family.

Things never quite go as they are planned during a simple rescue job.

16) Cold Little Heart | Teen & Up | 194589 words

Louis is a soft omega with an abusive past and an alpha child. A few months after getting a divorce, Louis meets Harry, an ex-military alpha wolf that offers him something odd. In exchange for teaching him how to cook, Harry will babysit his son, Abraham. Louis really could use the help.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

[waltwhitmansbeard]

a my fair lady playlist

a year ago today i posted the first chapter of my fair lady, which was supposed to be a little thing that i just needed to get out of my head after reading @romeoandjulietyouwish's for the love of a princess. 144 chapters and one year of obsession later, what i got is my biggest writing project to date. it was also my first real foray into the cr fandom, which has since become, frankly, the biggest part of my life, and i'm just endlessly grateful to each of you who read and interacted with mfl in any way. i'm so lucky to have gotten to share this with all of you.

so to celebrate, i have assembled a way-too-long playlist inspired by the events of mfl. the songs represent the moments and feelings that most stood out to me (or that i could find an appropriate song for, lol). it was fun trying to remember everything that happened (as of rn the entire fic is 450 pages in google docs so...there's a lot) and piece together the story through song. i've written a little blurb to justify each choice in the cut below, but you can listen to the playlist on spotify here! thanks again for sticking around!

1. "My Fair Lady" - KALEO as the song from which i took all the titles for the series, i couldn't not start off with this one. i can't even hear this song now without thinking of mfl.

2. "Security" - Joss Stone since this is a song about being there for a friend in a time of crisis, i thought it was the perfect choice for the beginning of keyleth and percy's lifelong friendship. percy showed up in zephrah traumatized and barely holding it together, and keyleth was the rock that kept him from collapsing.

3. "Best of Friends" - Pearl Bailey marisha put this one on one of her keyleth playlists to represent keyleth and percy, and she was right! is there any better song for those two growing up as best friends?

4. "Fountain" - Sara Lov keyleth grew up under the shadow of her mother's loss and the pressure of a nation's expectations. someone give this child a BREAK!

5. "Uptown Girl" - Billy Joel oh, you think this is about vax and keyleth? WRONG. percy is an uptown girl and vex is his downtown man coming to shake his world.

6. "Stay Awake" - London Grammar how many nights did keyleth and vax stay up with the moon, learning to love each other? who did they become with no one but the shadows and each other to watch them grow?

7. "goodnight n go" - Ariana Grande this song just gives me such intense vex vibes. she wants so bad to get percy out from under her skin but no dice, he's there to stay.

8. "Foolish Thing" - Darren Criss vax knows that he absolutely cannot be catching feelings for the princess for any number of reasons. but that doesn't stop him from being a dumbfuck in love!

9. "Sacrilege" - The Yeah Yeah Yeahs keyleth knows that she absolutely cannot be catching feelings for her guard for any number of reasons. but that doesn't stop her from being a dumbfuck in love!

10. "You Get Me" - Michelle Branch even though she grew up royalty, keyleth never felt like she fit in in her own world. she was always different, out of place. but vax sees her strange edges and knows the shape they make.

11. "Dreams" - Caroline Glaser keyleth is down bad! she can't sleep without vax there, and vax is more than happy to reassure her that she's it for him.

12. "Take Me to Church" - Hozier this is my pick for some night just seem forever lasting, because if there's one thing vax is gonna do it's worship on his knees at keyleth's altar.

13. "Holy" - King Princess keyleth is busy with a nation and a war but she has time at the end of the day to fuck her man, and that's what really matters.

14. "Into You" - Ariana Grande this one is for the true sluts of the castle, vex and percy. stay horny, you absolute lovesick fools.

15. "River of Tears" - Alessia Cara just absolute depression and forlorn longing from vax and keyleth both when they're forced to be apart. drama queens, the both of them.

16. "The Lightning Strike (Part I: What If This Storm Ends?)" - Snow Patrol remember that time keyleth summoned lightning and used it to strike a bunch of attackers dead? so do i, and so does vax. it was his first time being confronted with the possibilities of the wild power she wields, and it definitely isn't something he was ever going to forget.

17. "Rich Youth" - Hayley Kiyoko keyleth and tiberius were both raised in the shadow of powerful fathers, and they came together to advocate for a future that represents the nations they want to lead.

18. "My Immortal" - Evanescence thank you to @ravendruid for the suggestion! does anything say vaxleth more than melodramatic longing? this song is for all the lingering heartbreak as they tried (and ultimately failed) to stay apart for so long.

19. "I Don't Mind" - Darren Criss one of my favorite pieces of writing from mfl was keyleth's proposal to vax. he's so convinced that she'd be better off without him, and all she wants to do is convince him that he's worth all the trouble waiting them.

20. "Love Story" - Taylor Swift forgive me for adding taylor swift to this list but you gotta admit, it's very appropriate for the vaxleth wedding.

21. "Dancing in the Rain" - Johannes Bornlöf let me be indulgent! this is the song i picked to play while reading the wedding chapter, so ofc it makes the list.

22. "The Deal" - Mitski thank you to @crispysnake for the suggestion! i mean, this is absolutely vax carrying his dead wife's body beneath the castle and striking a deal with the raven queen to bring her back. it's like it's what the song was written for.

23. "Castle" - Halsey just big keyleth charging to the throne room to demand her father release vax energy with this one.

24. "Growing, Growing, Gone" - Theo Katzman korrin was confronted very suddenly with the reality that his little girl wasn't a little girl anymore. she has a whole life ahead of her that is outside of him, and that's hard for a dad to come to terms with.

25. "Kiki (feat. Iron and Wine)" - Rett Madison y'all, the way i SCREAMED when i first heard this song on rett's new album!!! i just imagine vilya trying to reach out to keyleth, to let her know that she's been watching and of course, of course she's proud of her, of course she approves of vax, of course she wants nothing more than for her baby girl to happy.

26. "Wildflowers (Tom Petty Cover)" - Miley Cyrus this song makes me thing of the little cottage on the hill, and of korrin's wish for his daughter to have a place where she feels free. he knows that the castle has never really felt like her home, and so he gives her and her new husband a place they can build a home for themselves.

27. "Bubbly" - Colbie Caillat this song is just the pinnacle of happy love. it's vax and keyleth waking up in their bed, in their house, in their love's arms. it's happiness.

28. "Sunday Morning" - Maroon 5 remember that time vex was like "this was fun but i gotta go home" and percy was like "but what if i was home?" and fluttered his lashes like a harlot? me too.

29. "Family Tree" - Matthew West pending fatherhood is terrifying, especially when your own father is a sack of shit. of course vax would doubt his own ability to be for his child what syldor couldn't be for him and vex.

30. "A Woman's Work" - Kate Bush the definitive anthem for women creating life. keyleth is a goddess for so many reason but especially for making a literal person.

31. "Dear Theodosia" - Original Broadway Cast of Hamilton just DAD feelings up in this bitch! vax is a dad and korrin is a dad and percy (eventually) is a dad! also there's a new nation coming just around the corner! the perfect song!

32. "Brother Run Fast" - KALEO to me, this song represents vax and percy's understanding that the horrors of percy's past are coming for vax's present, and the two of them will stop at nothing to fix what was broken. they are both desperate for forgiveness they do not need, and they are both determined to keep the other on course.

33. "Yours & Mine" - Lucy Dacus imagine telling keyleth of the air ashari to sit at home while her family and friends venture out to save her daughter's life. IMAGINE!

34. "Trials - Demo" - London Grammar what is keyleth and vax's relationship if not an endless gauntlet of trials from which they must continually find their way back to each other?

35. "Delilah" - Florence + the Machine this song is just...everything. it's delilah and sylas. it's cass and the ghosts of the castle she's caged in. it's vilya, crying out for her mother. it's keyleth, coming to kick ass with a daylight spell. it's percy, reclaiming what was his all along.

36. "Show Me the Way" - Styx vax went THRU IT during gocmh, and his turning to the raven queen was a move of absolute desperation. he needed his matron's guidance not only to get his daughter back, but to put the pieces of his life back together.

37. "Glory and Gore" - Lorde what can i say? vox machina fucks shit up.

38. "Work Song" - Hozier percy may die twice but that ain't gonna stop him from simping for vex.

39. "Happiness" - The Fray this song is about happiness, but it has such a melancholic sound to it, which really works for baby vilya's return to zephrah. yes she's home, which is an immense relief, but she's brought home to a tragedy. nothing is simple.

40. "Kingdom of One" - Maren Morris hey vallen: get fucked.

41. "Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)" - Billy Joel this is, to me, the ultimate father-daughter song, and in the context of mfl it makes me think of the unfinished letter keyleth found in her father's room after his death. just a reminder that even after someone dies, their love for those they leave behind never will.

42. "Starts With Goodbye" - Carrie Underwood i don't know what it's like to fundamentally reshape the structure of an entire nation in order to secure a more stable future for your child, but i imagine it feels like this!

43. "Matchstick" - American Royalty thank you to @ravendruid for the suggestion! sometimes self-care is setting the man who murdered your parents and helped kidnap your daughter on fire.

44. "Chords" - The Amazing Devil parents play such a big part in the story of mfl. the absence of keyleth's mother, the fact that her father is also a king, korrin being a father to percy, the twins confronting the father they fled, and of course, vaxleth and perc'ahlia becoming parents themselves. if there's anything they can take away from all of the heartbreak, it's wanting the best for their children, at the cost of everything else.

45. "Everywhere, Everything" - Noah Kahan had to end on some noah kahan in order to keep @crispysnake from gnawing at the bars of their enclosure. again, just the absolute vaxleth melodrama of "wanna love you til we're food for the worms to eat, til our fingers decompose." disgusting. i love them so much.

[kieranduffygirlporn]

gonna talk a bit about what it's been like for me the past couple days. just need to be heard and to type out all my thoughts & feelings about being an introject w/ an introject partner in all this. Hopefully you'll get something out of this

tw for abuse, disordered eating, very BPD happenings, one moment of suicidal ideation

warning: really fucking long and not the most organized thing in the world

I never talked about this here or really anywhere on any other blog but hi. I'm Ida. I'm the second host @/dearfauxpas and our system has seen since our syscovery. .... past this I literally cannot start to describe my identity without talking about Wilbur. I'm sat here struggling to conjure anything.

The reason for this is twofold. I, myself, am an introject, of a bit of art we have at the beginning of our main/art blog that kind of backfired because we never ended up posting much art. The second reason, and the main reason, is that my boyfriend is a cc!Wilbur introject in our system.

When we started dating two years ago, I was at probably one of the lowest points that I have been at as an alter myself. It was a month after I formed and I was still incredibly attached to my source. When I formed and even today, I am still the only alter in the system who has a feminine aligned gender. I changed my name to Ida the night I formed because I named myself after a pet I had in-source. My source (I'm sure you'll be shocked to know) was incredibly mentally ill, and as a result, I formed as a symptom holder for our worsening borderline symptoms. I've also only started talking about this to very close friends within the past couple days but our early relationship/the first six months was tumultuous. I was possessive, obsessive, and paranoid. I also had issues with thoughts of disordered eating and at one point went four days eating about the caloric equivalent of a single bagel per day because I was so depressed.

My system and particularly my love saved me. Over time, my paranoia that he'd leave me subsided, and we become much happier, which is what lead to me becoming the host as our previous host's mental health declined due to many factors.

During the span of our relationship, we played a lot into our introject identities (sootcest lmfao). I became a lot more independent from my source and recovered from a lot of my paranoia. I thought I had simply beaten our BPD traits, and that they were gone forever (with one exception). I thought my disordered eating thoughts had vanished and I was going to spend forever happy with him.

However, foolishly, because of this play we did with our introject identities, I allowed my feelings for my boyfriend to mix with my feelings for the actual person. I tried to maintain a degree of separation between the two, in that I would refrain from doing weird stalker shit and at some points I would be made uncomfortable with the stuff that he shared on stream because I wanted to know very little about him personally. But I let them mix, because hey, why not? We were having fun. There's no reason not to. It's not like he's an awful person, right?

Right?

Part 2: He's an awful person

There were a few points in which, mostly when other CC drama was at a high point, I'd ask myself a couple questions.

1. What would I do if my boyfriend ever left me?

2. What would I do if it came to light that Wilbur was a horrible human being?

The answer to number one was the exception to the thought that all my borderline symptoms had simply vanished, and, rather well-adjustedly, it was "Kill myself."* (*Like in headspace. I never thought it was worth it to kill the whole body over my own issues.)

The answer to number two was "I don't know."

And that is how I've been feeling since Wednesday night. I don't know.

At first, I thought there was no way it could be true. I searched for any information that could tell me that people were wrong. I literally blocked myself from Twitter because I knew going on it would be a form of emotional self-harm, but I obsessively checked tags on discourse, Shelby, and Wilbur, waiting for anyone to post any evidence that it wasn't so. I spent an entire day outside of home feeling completely nauseous any time I wasn't directly talking to someone.

It's hard to articulate exactly what it felt like once I got home to charge my phone and I knew. It was kind of slow. Every new piece of information I learned made it worse and worse until it was just undeniable.

It was like everything I thought I had buried came back with a vengeance. I stopped eating and drinking, my entire brain felt like it short circuited and previously when I had at least been able to focus on other things for short stints, he was all I could think about.

There were times, especially after I thought I had gotten rid of the borderline traits, that I would become hyperfixated on something that was my boyfriend or his source and it would feel like I was going to melt and die. I genuinely cannot be away from him for too long or my mental health will shit the bed. When I was with him, though, and when I filled every part of my senses with only him, his face, his voice, the way he holds me even if the feeling is blunted by the fact that he's just another part of our brain, it was always the happiest I'd ever feel. I can't have that anymore.

I really can't describe the mood swings and the physical pain that I've experienced as a result of this without feeling like people will think I am exaggerating. Like. psychology wasn't lying that borderline personality traits can really borderline. It feels like I'm losing half of what made me myself. I felt while crying over this multiple times that without him I'd die and that I need him to live. For two years, my entire identity and reason for existing was him.

I don't know where to go from here. I haven't even talked about how this is affecting my boyfriend. Before I felt like I had a good grasp on what I was going to be doing in the next minutes or hours or even days but now I can't even imagine what ten seconds will be.

My entire brain is constantly screaming for him to come back, but I can't indulge in anything that doesn't support the guy because every time I see his face or hear his voice now my brain screams that he is repulsive.

The worst part is that over the last two years I have become so conditioned to never ever be angry at my boyfriend that I cannot feel any rage over this. In any normal circumstance I'd feel angry that someone had been hurt and their abuser had been allowed to escape the consequences for so long, but I can't. I can only feel like I need him, but I can't have him because he's tainted. I am so disgusted but I can't handle seeing anyone angry at him because I still love him and I still want him to be happy.

I feel really gross knowing that I've dedicated so much of my love to someone so terrible. I know my boyfriend feels like his skin has been tainted and I am struggling now to look at his face and focus on him in headspace because it's now all painted in a negative life. It's so awful because he has always loved being himself and has always felt so connected to his source, even as the time passed.

Part 3: so what's the point

I've spent most of this time feeling completely alone. I don't know anyone personally who could possibly feel the same way that I do.

I guess I just want anyone who reads this, who feels alone like I do, or feels like they're not reacting in the "right" way to understand that it's okay. You aren't alone. No matter how isolated you feel or like your problems are entirely unique to you, there is someone out there who understands. And also there's a very slim chance that you'll ever be more cringe than me.

The grieving process is ugly and it is agonizing. If anyone wants to DM me on this blog or another, to share anything they're thinking, like really anything at all there's a lot I didn't cover on this post, I will listen.

And to any introjects, I love you. We can make it through. We have survived so much worse. You don't have to be anybody but yourself. And be careful out there. If you become so mixed up in someone's source like we did, please plan an out. Don't make the same mistake I did and just assume it would all be fine forever. There's a very real chance it doesn't.

[xray-vex]

Hi!

You said you wanted stories about joy and peace after despair so here’s mine.

About 12 years ago I got sick. I didn’t understand what was happening to me. I had anxiety and bouts of depression since I was a kid, but this was different. I had these thoughts in my head that wouldn’t go away and they were making my life hell.

The thoughts mostly centred around fears of food and drink contamination, something I had previously never given a second thought to, but now occupied pretty much all my day. I would have to check everything I ate or drank, I couldn’t accept food or drink from other people, I could only eat certain ‘safe’ things. I lost weight and I lived in a perpetual state of fear. I felt like I was being tortured by my own brain.

My regular doctor was patronising and dismissive, instructing me to try and do some breathing exercises. I had no money for private therapy, but I eventually found a local service that offered therapy at a discount. I went there for months and months, and never seemed to make any progress. Everyone kept telling me that I had to just learn to ignore the thoughts, but this was impossible. I was stuck, living my life as a shell of myself, just trapped in this loop of behaviours.

It took 2 years (!!) before a kind psychiatric nurse mentioned the term ‘OCD’. The relief was almost instant. That was what was wrong with me. I had intrusive thoughts. I suddenly was able to look at my pattern of behaviour my whole life and realise that I did think obsessively about things, that I engaged in rituals without consciously realising.

I got referred to a psychiatrist and prescribed Prozac. That was scary. I had read ‘Prozac Nation’ like every teenage depressive of a certain age. I didn’t want to lose myself, become a medicated zombie.

But I took the meds because I was desperate, and they worked. They worked so fucking well. My brain was finally at peace, I could eat and drink, I could go out and eat at restaurants. My partner said it was like seeing me become myself again. I can’t describe to you the relief I felt.

I still take those meds. I’ve tried coming off them and the thoughts and behaviours started creeping back in. I might have to take them forever. But that’s ok. There’s nothing wrong with taking medication.

So yeah, that’s my story. I feel joy when I can just eat my lunch.

Thank you for your story! I'm glad you got a diagnosis and could start enjoying your life again. I have to take certain meds for the rest of my life too and I had trouble dealing with that at first, but now it's just part of the daily routine of my life and no big deal. Big hugs to you!!

[writebethany]

❤️🧡🤍🩷💜A WLW ASK MEME❤️🧡🤍🩷💜 List the top 10 ladies you’ve been obsessed with Ever Of All Time! Then send this on to 5 sapphic mutuals 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

Mentally listing these off I have a type and I'm not sorry about this in the slightest ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ so in no particular order:

Astra In-Ze. (Supergirl) General badass who wants to do the right thing in the completely wrong way? There was never a universe in which I did not love her. It was inevitable. I watched the first season of supergirl for Cat Grant, and ended up loving Astra more. It's the enemies to lovers of it all. It's the Laura Benanti. It's the being a twin on a world where that was an aberration. It's the ability to take the framework and run to create a whole lot of backstories for fun and profit. *chef's kiss* Really had everything I needed to sink into a character and think about them for all time.

Kommissar (Pitch Perfect 2) Condescending European tall hot lady? By god the movie gave us nothing and yet I kept digging. I literally had to pick out a name to write about her, but I was out here giving her the full random side dude character treatment because she had the trifecta of 'qualities I'm obsessed with.' I followed the actress and watched Danish TV for her. I started learning Danish. That is how obsessed I was with this character. The OT3 fic I wrote with Kommissar/Becca/Pieter is still one of my favorite things I've ever written. It's just so soft while Kommissar doesn't manage to lose the sass or edge. Mmm.

Miranda Priestly (The Devil Wears Prada) It's Miranda Priestly. I'm a millennial sapphic. Need I say more. Never mind that she fits with the overall theme so far of 'mean and pretty (and usually older with a backstory with just a *touch* of softness). I watched the movie as a baby gay who didn't know(tm) yet and zeroed the fuck in on Miranda and then watched it in college and YEP. There we were. Several hundred thousand words of fic later.

Regina Mills. (Once Upon a Time) Mean. ✅ Tragic backstory ✅ Secretly Wants to be good ✅ *GOD* the brain rot I had over Regina Mills. Still love her, but I burned so brightly and that fandom was so. Well. We all know what OUAT was like if you were there Gandalf. She's still such a baby girl, but not *the* baby girl, you understand. She led me to Lana's other works and Swingtown most importantly which also lives in my head rent free, but Regina. Regina will always be that original GOAT from my first *big* foray into fandom and only just got passed with fics from another fandom recently, that's how much I wrote about her.

Narcissa Malfoy. Sometimes when you're a baby gay and the teacher you just realized you have a crush on and finally admit you're gay to yourself writes HP fanfic and writes a version of Narcissa Malfoy that haunts you for fifteen straight years to the point where it becomes your pandemic fic pairing of choice and here you are four years past that with *gestures* yeah. Alas.

H.G. Wells. (Warehouse 13) HOOOOO BOY baby's first fandom. This was another case of me watching the first couple seasons before I knew(tm) but also buying them on DVD because you see I needed them. Mmm complicated villain backstories. I can redeem her, etc, etc. But just the sheer fucking chemistry of HG and Myka and the perfection of HG being this didactic woman who didn't let time define her and then going absolutely ape to avenge her daughter? Yes. Just yes. Love her. Also Jaime Murray. Mhm.

Eve Baird. (The Librarians) Oh Eve. The newest addition to the list. She just wants to protect her people, for all of them to live and be happy. Will forever have a part of my mind rotating her, Jenkins, and Cassandra together like a snowglobe. It just makes sense and I am a sucker for poly.

Rebecca Welton. (Ted Lasso) *screams in we could have had it all* listen. Listen. Listen. I loved the first two season of Ted Lasso. I loved the arc that Rebecca had in them of being a conniving bitch because she was hurt and wanted everyone else to hurt with her. I loved the switch from that to finding family with the team. What the fuck was the third season. What was that ending. Some random fucking dude with a kid? Forever will be angry about it and how it just...took everything that she had with Ted and went 'surely this other random dude will do'. They should have just left her alone if the ultimate goal was for Ted to go. I would have loved that for her, to stand on her two feet. Just. AGH. Anyway seasons 1 and 2 live rent free in my head and we don't talk about bruno after that.

Cat Grant. (Supergirl) While I ended up liking Astra more than Cat Grant. Cat Grant. The parallels between Cat and Miranda are *paralleling* and I still fucking love her to this day. The check boxes are checked. The plucky assistant to fall in love with is right there. Honestly if the show had aired any other time than when I was in grad school, and if Cat had been a main for more than a season I would have been even more obsessed.

Rita Repulsa. (Power Rangers) Listen. Listen. Listen. Six year old me loved Power Rangers. Six year old me also thought Rita Repulsa was the prettiest woman ever to exist. Dear god if you have only seen the Elizabeth Banks Rita, google the original. 0 idea what my six year old self was thinking. Like without the crazy costume yeah, but the crazy costume was there. So. I mean I still think about her on occasion, but usually in the context of HOO BOY I'VE ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS about villains. So. She counts. Also the Elizabeth Banks version is certifiably hot so like. Was six year old me wrong?

[punkscowardschampions]

Ruster pt.2

Buster: It would be seriously cruel of me to wait until we’re alone to touch you when we’ve talked about what everyone knowing you’re mine means to you and how closely you want to be kept

Buster: whilst we’re sitting with my parents, I’ll make sure we’re no more than [the length of his longest finger like when he told her his dick measurement because again just saying he’ll be inside her all the time, this time via fingering under the table] inches apart at the most

Buster: [and then because he is a big nerd doing some maths of his own about it, here measuring the exact length of every finger he is gonna use and adding them together and finding an average or something idk, you know what I mean, it’s shamelessly an excuse to give her all the reminders of earlier and how he’s gonna touch her when he finally can but writing it down as a sum with all his working out and everything so she can follow his thinking exactly]

Rio: 😳😳😳 I feel so

Rio: Why would you do this to me?

Rio: I can barely be quiet here alone, and you think I can in front of your parents, fuck 😿

Buster: What do I always say? Practice makes perfect, baby

Buster: if you can do it now, you’ll be able to do it then

Rio: I’ll need to

Rio: [whatever lesson you’re in] is as deadly silent as it is boring

Buster: Think about the length of my tongue and how it’ll feel inside of you when we’re finally alone and you’re lying on top of the same table

Rio: You can’t think about anything else 

Buster: It’s an obsession

Rio: Yours

Buster: Mine

Rio: My hands should be in your hair right now, that’s mine, how unfairly beautiful you are

Buster: We’ll share each others once they’ve been allowed to happen

Rio: I want to share everything with you

Buster: You know I won’t hesitate to give you everything you want

Rio: I know

Rio: The issue is knowing when to stop asking

Buster: That’s simple, don’t ever stop

Rio: You say that now

Buster: I’m not going to change my mind

Rio: I’m scared that you will

Buster: Well, I’ll prove to you that isn’t true

Rio: You don’t have to

Rio: There has to be space for either of us to change our minds

Buster: Not about something that fundamental, I’d become a different person

Rio: Aren’t you scared?

Buster: There’s nothing to be scared of, if something goes wrong again, I’ll find a solution, that’s what I do

Rio: Basically every example you gave had things go wrong, for years at a time sometimes

Rio: I don’t know if I can handle it, letting you go

Buster: We aren’t letting each other go, no matter what

Rio: Do you mean it

Rio: will you mean it when you’re in America? [however many miles it is] away from me?

Buster: If I go to America, you can hold me to it even harder because I’ll mean it more

Rio: I don’t want to be crazy but I feel it

Buster: What you are is in love

Rio: I know 

Rio: I know because nothing else is registering, this lesson, what’s being said by my friends, or by everyone else, even

Buster: I can’t concentrate either, and you know how unlike me that is

Rio: Do you want to? 

Rio: I’ll find a way to resist messaging you until your next break

Buster: No, I want to focus on you until you’re here with me and I really can

Rio: You have changed

Buster: I haven’t, you just didn’t know how much time or attention I devoted to you before 

Rio: Well, I do think it’s pretty rude of you not to have told me

Buster: I told you as soon as I could

Rio: Just saying, there’s so much time to be made up for

Buster: Yeah, I’ve said it too

Rio: This half-term is a start

Buster: Tell me how long we have again

Rio: [do in every measurement of time you can break it into]

Buster: You’re incredible

Rio: I want you for [and pop off with infinity maths nerdiness, you know the vibe because forever]

Rio: All your seconds

Buster: They’re all yours

Rio: You are

Buster: I am

Rio: No one else's

Buster: I wouldn’t dare and couldn’t be dared

Rio: You can’t want anyone else, it’s impossible

Buster: I never have, not for a second

Rio: Neither have I, never will

Buster: You’re all I want, I’ll keep repeating myself until you’re not scared

Rio: All I’m scared of is that one day not being true

Rio: I could never be scared of this, it’s so mutual, this want

Buster: You still believe I’ll get bored of you, could fall out of this, but that’s impossible, you said it yourself

Rio: I know that life can throw things out that we can’t expect to see coming at our age

Buster: Life already did and we’re closer not further apart

Rio: And I hope that’s what happens every time

Buster: Share my faith that it will, you want us to share everything

Rio: My nan would love you

Rio: but okay, I will

Buster: Good

Buster: because I love you

Rio: I love you, Buster

Buster: And I miss you so much

Rio: I know, but I like missing you with you much more than missing you alone

Buster: Me too, even though shared means it should be halved, but in fact it feels doubled, if anything

Rio: We’re finally acknowledging it, before, we could lie to each other, everyone else, it at least works partially on ourselves too

Buster: We let ourselves properly feel this, no holds barred

Rio: Missing you still feels better than the alternative of ignoring you, a hundred times over

Buster: No going back, you could barely ignore me before, you’d have no hope now

Rio: Um, you were actively trying to get my attention, excuse you

Buster: I always will be, including in the hypothetical rewind

Rio: You’re pretty worthy of attention, honestly

Buster: Thankfully, as I badly need yours

Rio: You’ve had it all your life, who else can say that’s true

Buster: A hundred lives wouldn’t be enough

Rio: You’re being poetic again, I already need you

Buster: I can’t help how true it is

Rio: I’ll be yours in every lifetime, I promise

Buster: If you’re as flawless in every one as you are in this, you have to

Rio: I’ll find you

Rio: we’re born to always be connected, however that happens to be, I believe that

Buster: So do I, I’d fight for you

Rio: You already are, against what everyone wants

Buster: I don’t regret anything, remember that

Rio: I’d do it all again, no matter what

Buster: We will, every life, like you promised

Rio: Even if we were twins, you’re my soulmate before you’re anything else

Buster: I wish could swap you for her, for longer than [however long they have]

Rio: Me too, I used to be so jealous of how close I thought you were, ‘til I quickly realised you weren’t

Buster: It took me ages after we moved here to rid myself of that association, everyone assumed we were

Rio: It’s usually not the case, the girls aren’t

Rio: we would be but we’re special

Buster: Ours would, they’d be special as well

Rio: They’d learn from the best

Rio: we’d all be the closest

Buster: We’d all be perfect

Rio: I need to give you so many babies

Rio: the most perfect family

Buster: I need to give them to you

Rio: Waiting will be sweet agony

Buster: We’ll practise a lot

Rio: It’s necessary 

Buster: We want to do it right, after all

Rio: Perfect, like you said

Buster: I like our odds

Rio: Me too

Rio: I just understand why everyone struggled to wait before us

Buster: What you said about things not being easy but being doable for us nevertheless applies here, yeah

Rio: We’ve waited this long for this part, there’s no rushing

Buster: I’d hate to, you should be savoured, every part of this with you

Rio: We’ll learn how together

Buster: You’re the only person who’s managed to teach me some patience thus far 

Rio: I’ll take it 🤓

Buster: You’re supposed to tell me what I’ve taught you

Rio: Oh, hmm

Rio: You might have to wait a minute 

Buster: I see, you’re testing what I said a minute ago

Rio: That and the list would take me too long to write, obviously

Buster: You’re obviously not writing what you’re meant to be, go ahead

Rio: Of course you want it unabridged 

Buster: I’ll wait

Rio: Now you’re being kinda hot

Rio: definitely hotter than [your actual teacher right now lol]

Buster: That’s definitely the most backhanded compliment you’ve ever paid me

Rio: You don’t know, maybe [teacher] is extremely attractive but still no match for you

Buster: Are they?

Rio: No, sadly not but the sentiment is still there

Buster: Don’t be too sad about it or I’ll get jealous and possessive as my sentiments

Rio: How terrible

Buster: For [this poor teacher lol]

Rio: 😍

Buster: Future lawyers know better than to incriminate themselves, but you know me, use your imagination

Rio: You know me and my imagination

Buster: Intimately 

Rio: You’ve taught me what that actually feels like

Rio: not forced and pretend

Buster: I’d put that pretty high on my own list of things you’ve taught me, maybe at the very top

Rio: It’s a good one

Rio: I feel different for knowing, but in a good way

Buster: We’re only changing in the best ways

Rio: Promise that’s true?

Buster: Worse isn’t an option, ever

Rio: It could be, so easily

Buster: I swear, I won’t let it be

Rio: Thanks

Buster: You don’t need to thank me, babe, you’re doing the same for me

Rio: I feel closer to the edge of complete fucking mess than you, babe but

Rio: Yeah, of course I swear too

Buster: Right now, but as you’ve pointed out plenty of times, we can’t be completely sure what the future holds, my turn could be coming next

Buster: and as I’ve pointed out, I need you regardless

Rio: But I only want you to think I’m incredible 

Rio: I only want to be perfect for you

Buster: Which is what I do think, Rio

Buster: you’re the furthest from being a mess, you’re holding it together when many others in your position would’ve folded and given up

Buster: you’re such a strong and resilient person, I want you to realise that

Rio: I wish I felt that, felt strong

Rio: if anyone could make me, it would be you 

Rio: I just don’t know if it’s possible right now

Buster: It’s okay, trust me, that I know you and I see things in you that you don’t, it’s something else you already do for me and can be mutual for us

Rio: I see you, you see me, that’s true, always has been

Rio: I somehow feel exposed and invisible to everyone here now, my name is only brought up with theirs 

Buster: In London everyone’ll be staring at you for the right reasons, all they’ll know is how beautiful you are, maybe they’ll be wondering where they’ve seen you, but that’s because your likeness belongs in a gallery on a wall or as a statue

Buster: and they’ll only hear your name the way I say it

Rio: Even your compliments are refined

Rio: How do you come up with this stuff?

Buster: It comes from you, I’m stating the facts, that’s all

Rio: You’re my favourite nerd

Buster: I’ll take it

Rio: You’ve heard the rest

Buster: Have I?

Rio: Okay, not everything but haven’t I complimented you a lot in the past [however many hours you’ve been together]?

Buster: You do the maths, you’re very good at it

Rio: I’m hearing no amount of compliments is enough for you, I understand

Buster: Other people can stop, but not you

Rio: I can’t stop

Buster: Don’t

Rio: I never will

Buster: Promise

Rio: You deserve constant praise, I mean that and swear to treat you exactly how I should for our whole lives

Buster: I really hope you put that in your bath vows

Rio: As you like it, of course

Rio: I’ll make a shortlist instead of doing [whatever lesson you’re in]

Buster: I’ll write mine in the margins of [whatever expensive af textbook you have for your lesson because love to put things in books clearly we remember that with the childhood photo]

Rio: I’ll get to spend even more time in your mind

Buster: Even [whichever lesson you hate the most] will be bearable

Rio: The time is going to fly by

Buster: And soon you’ll be flying to me

Rio: It seems crazy that everyone thinks it’s such a good idea, that I’m allowed

Buster: Of course they do, it is such a good idea

Rio: As far as they’re aware, sure

Buster: As far as we’re concerned too though

Rio: We’ve got the full picture

Buster: So do they, like I’ve said before, they see what they want to

Rio: It is obvious I’m not going for Nance right now

Buster: You should hate her, from a POV as detached as theirs that’s apparent

Rio: Hate might be strong but her lack of tact is known, before this even, it’s not a reach to imagine how she’s being

Buster: Going to her birthday party as though she isn’t tactless and self-centred would be more inappropriate than anything we’re going to do

Rio: I hope not, like

Buster: You know what I mean, nothing about this is a mistake and that would be

Rio: You want me to say how right it is

Buster: You have, but I’m not opposed to hearing it again, obviously

Rio: Nothing or nobody else makes sense for me, we’re a perfect match

Buster: Perfect isn’t the word, we do need a stronger one

Rio: Soulmates

Buster: Yeah

Rio: We need a stronger word than yeah, definitely

Buster: Well, that depends how I’m saying it

Rio: Go on then

Buster: [do such an indecent voice note about this, I hope you’ve gone somewhere where there isn’t a class full of peeps in earshot, knowing you probably the corridor outside of it because you have no patience or chill lol]

Rio: 😍😍😍

Rio: IOU a truth or dare

Buster: Save yours for the plane

Rio: Don’t forget

Rio: You do need to keep me entertained the entire hour and 25

Buster: You could nap, you owe me one of those, remember

Rio: Now?

Buster: I was thinking to kill 25 minutes of the flight, but I suppose you have more time to kill now

Rio: Why do you want me to nap so bad?

Buster: You hardly slept

Rio: I’ve had worse nights sleep

Rio: I promise I’m fine

Buster: Not since you’ve been my girlfriend

Rio: You’re the most loving

Buster: I’m responsible for looking after you

Rio: When am I meant to stop getting turned on by it? Because I never want to

Buster: Also never

Rio: Even when you’re a real daddy?

Buster: Especially then

Rio: I’ll only share you with our kids

Buster: I’ll only make you share with them

Rio: Mine first

Buster: And always

Rio: Did you keep my picture as your background?

Buster: [show her that you have because ofc you have]

Rio: The idea of that being seen over your shoulder 🥴

Buster: I’m looking forward to hearing your ideas about the photos we can take together

Rio: We need some updated ones, to go with [your fave childhood ones you’ve mentioned]

Buster: That’s a nice thought, recreating that one when I’m back in Dublin for your birthday

Rio: We have to

Buster: Don’t worry, I’ve made a mental note 

Rio: I’ll recreate my outfit

Buster: Your mum probably still has it stored somewhere

Rio: God, probably…

Buster: Whereas, mine definitely doesn’t

Rio: I bet you still have something near identical in your big size though

Rio: you haven’t changed

Buster: My impeccable style has no need to

Rio: Nor your cute face

Buster: You want me to be red-faced in [whatever lesson he is in], but that’s something I can only do in front of you

Rio: 🤐 promise

Buster: Unlikely, unless you are planning to go to sleep

Rio: Cheek!

Buster: I love it about you

Rio: You don’t think I’m like your sister, do you

Buster: Christ no, that comparison couldn’t be further from what I think

Rio: I’m never speaking for the sake of it, especially not with you

Buster: Every word you say, or type, is worth listening to, and I want to be the person who is

Buster: first, like you said

Rio: I love you, talking with you

Buster: When was the last time we talked in person?

Rio: Summer? Maybe?

Rio: Not enough in forever

Buster: I owe you so many conversations

Rio: It’s mutual

Rio: all the minutes wasted stopping myself and hanging back from approaching you 

Buster: Do the maths for me

Rio: Tell me how high up the list of obsessions it is first

Buster: You know how obsessed I am with this

Rio: [do try and work it out from all the angles you could because giving how much you wanted to talk to him and how restrained you were this whole time etc, obsessed is certainly the vibe however you look at it]

Buster: Fuck

Buster: you truly never disappoint

Rio: Thinking about how long we’ve wanted and waited is another obsession

Rio: the answers come easy, honestly

Buster: Almost as easily as the solutions have and will

Rio: We both know what a good idea it is

Buster: I’ve got what I’m going to do to you down to a fine art

Rio: You’ve thought about it for so long, every way you can have me

Buster: Over and over, as if I’m incapable of having any other thoughts

Rio: That’s how it feels, once I let myself go there, I don’t know when I’ll be able to stop

Buster: I forget where I am, who I’m with, how much time has passed, everything

Rio: We’ve already seen the sun come up together so many nights 

Buster: Which is just as well, because the last time I can be certain I’ll notice anything else is [the night before she arrives]

Rio: We don’t need to, we need to be together

Buster: I need to look at you for hours

Rio: I want to memorise you, every second

Buster: Commit me to memory, I want us to commit to each other in every possible way there is

Rio: I want that too, badly

Buster: Write my name on you again

Rio: [do that, somewhere you can cover with your skirt but get to right now without fully flashing so it’s at danger of peeking out at any moment lowkey more than if you left the room and did it somewhere really private]

Buster: [likewise do hers, I’m imagining on his wrist cos we know how this boy feels about a wrist grab being a child of baze, so that it’s covered by his shirt sleeve but is in the same danger of peeking out because they love it, deliberately using a pen with more staying power than the fountain pen he used before to match the temporary lipstick vibe cos gotta see how long we can keep this]

Rio: I’m going to look so obsessed with myself, going between staring at my own thighs to my name on you 

Buster: You should be obsessed with yourself as well as with me

Rio: You’re always number one to me

Buster: Make me happy by validating my great taste then, love yourself as much as I love you

Rio: You’ll make me blush

Buster: Look at yourself once you do and that’ll prove my point

Rio: I don’t not like myself, it’s just complicated right now

Buster: I know, but I’m determined to uncomplicate it

Rio: I’ll let you

Buster: You won’t regret anything you let me do

Rio: You know there are no limits

Buster: The only rules are the ones we decide together

Rio: We’re 👑

Buster: Exactly, I told you, it’s simple

Buster: you’re royalty, treat yourself like that

Rio: I feel better for having your name on me

Buster: Wait a few years and you can have my name permanently on you

Rio: How will we ever decide where to put it permanently though

Buster: By putting it everywhere in pen until then and seeing how each place feels

Rio: How it makes you feel, that’s what I care about

Buster: I’ll show you

Rio: [drawing a B on your hand and doing lovey-dovey doodles]

Buster: [sending her a selfie of his heart eyes as if he isn’t in class lol, defs doing it so she can also see her name peeping out on his arm]

Rio: [change your background to that picture immediately and show him]

Buster: I’ve never smiled in [this lesson] before

Rio: That makes me happy, I want to make you smile everywhere

Buster: You’ll completely ruin my reputation, babe

Rio: You did say you were ready for that

Buster: I feel ready

Rio: I’m prepared to be yours in secret if we change our minds

Buster: I’m prepared to do whatever it takes to keep you, as a secret or not

Rio: Exactly

Rio: don’t think I’ll leave if everything doesn’t go exactly as we’ve said, because I won’t, the reality is more important, whatever it is

Buster: The reality is, I love you and I want this, us

Rio: I love you

Rio: the only thing standing in our way is other people but we can only pretend they don’t exist for so long

Buster: And those people can only stand in our way for so long

Rio: Your friends know how to overstay a welcome

Rio: but they should be so out of it you won’t need to be shy about it

Buster: I know how to make someone feel unwelcome, if you want them to leave rather than stay for how bold I am

Rio: I’m not scared

Buster: You’re a brave girl

Rio: Your brave girl

Rio: who makes no promises of being able to leave you alone

Buster: You promised not to leave my side

Rio: I can’t, I need to celebrate with you

Buster: And I need to celebrate you more than I do my birthday

Rio: It doesn’t bother me at all what your friends think, you’re my boyfriend

Buster: They’re barely my friends, their opinions don’t matter

Rio: I’m only slightly concerned that Nance won’t be as drunk as we think, that’s it

Buster: Think of as many drinking games as you can, I’ll do the same

Rio: I’d feel bad, if it wasn’t what she wanted

Buster: Keep in mind her lack of sympathy for you or your family

Rio: I am, she’s getting blackout

Buster: And sleeping it off in [whichever room in the baze gaff is the furthest from his but still somewhere he could feasibly leave a drunk Nancy]

Rio: Then I get you, all to myself

Buster: Finally

Rio: The others were always there, it’s never been just us

Buster: Rewriting it in my head could only achieve so much

Rio: Because everyone knows, what’s going to happen the second we are, it’s always been this way

Buster: Inevitable

Rio: No one is getting between us this time

Buster: We’ve planned for all eventualities, learnt lessons from each of those frustrating previous times

Rio: I can’t care, how I did, I can’t pretend that I’d stop for anyone

Rio: Only you can tell me no at this point

Buster: I’m only going to tell you yes

Rio: Even if I want to touch you right back under that table with your parents?

Buster: Emphatically if that’s what you want to do

Rio: I can’t let you just get me off when I know you’ll be aching too

Buster: Maybe I’ll get used to it once I’ve sat at this desk all day

Rio: I should be under it

Buster: You’re small enough to fit perfectly

Rio: I would stay there all day, I’m serious about how much I would love nothing more

Buster: You love to be hidden in plain sight

Rio: I know how happy it would make you, I can imagine your face perfectly

Buster: I can imagine yours, happy isn’t the word

Rio: My mouth would be too busy to smile, it might be an obsession 

Buster: Your eyes would, I’d have to change my phone background immediately

Rio: You know I’d have never looked better, happier

Buster: Neither of us have known happiness like that yet

Rio: But we’re going to know it every day

Buster: I refuse to let you go to bed upset like last night

Rio: You’re responsible, my favourite man

Buster: You’re precious to me

Rio: I’m your baby

Buster: Until you give me one

Rio: But after too, your biggest and most jealous

Buster: You said you’d share, no jealousy

Rio: Fine, no jealousy, just feed me your cum whilst you feed our baby

Buster: Going from princess to queen isn’t something to pout about

Rio: You have to love me most your whole life, I belong to you

Buster: My whole life will revolve around you, you’ll have given most of it to me

Rio: I’ll follow you, to America, I’d follow you anywhere

Buster: America’s just a possibility, you’re not

Rio: I’m sorry for last night, just let me say it because I am, I freaked out because it’s so clear what I want

Buster: I understand, I’ve been there myself 

Rio: It’s bound to happen, who wouldn’t worry when they know that they’d be so fucking happy shackled to their cousin’s bed if that’s what he needed

Buster: It’s a lot to want, but you don’t need to worry, you know that now

Rio: I meant that, I’m not scared, of you, of this

Rio: You love me, the only thing to be really scared of was that not being true

Buster: As soon as I knew what love meant, I knew I loved you

Rio: I’ve been yours since that moment, I knew I could rely on you like I couldn’t my other daddy

Buster: He doesn’t deserve to be called that

Rio: I know, old habits

Buster: If I ever hurt you like he does, I’d hurt myself way worse somehow

Rio: I never want you hurt

Buster: Then I better not let you down

Rio: You’re incapable, I swear, you love me too much

Buster: Yeah, I do, I swear

Rio: I want it to be our 18th, now

Buster: I’d marry you now, you’d have no time to plan anything

Rio: Our school shirts are white, what else do we need?

Buster: Mine won’t be if I bite my lip as hard as that idea makes me need to

Rio: If it were the olden days, I’d have to bleed for you

Rio: and everyone would agree I’m your rightful bride

Buster: Everyone would be stood around the bed watching you not bleed because of how much you want me

Rio: Imagine how they’d go and copy what we did, how many people we would have cumming

Buster: How many babies would be born

Rio: Our family even bigger, all because of us

Buster: I don’t think anyone else could actually copy a single thing you do though, not really

Rio: That’s why you want me, no mistresses

Buster: I’d send them all away

Rio: They can watch, only as punishment

Buster: Very fitting

Rio: Clean me up, not you

Buster: Why am I being punished by not being the one to clean you up?

Rio: You made the mess, you’re king, you don’t have to

Buster: But I do have to

Rio: You should be here when I get up

Rio: I know this chair is going to need licking clean

Buster: I’m jealous of whoever sits in it after you, they don’t even realise yet how lucky they are

Rio: You want me to leave it? 

Buster: As the alternative is me getting on a flight and telling you not to move a muscle before the plane lands, which I unfortunately can’t

Rio: I’ll let you clean my dining room chair before you put me on the table

Buster: Promise not to fall off while I’m busy

Rio: I’ll be mesmerized, easy promise

Buster: I’ll hold you still, I’m never that busy

Rio: You’re going to make sure you get every last drop

Buster: Of course, every drop is mine

Rio: You’re such a cumslut, I am obsessed

Buster: I don’t share my toys and you’re my favourite

Rio: You never have to share me again

Buster: You know I won’t, anyone who looks at you for too long at the party is dead to me

Rio: 🥰

Rio: You’ll have to check alone because I’m not looking away from you

Buster: You can watch what happens to them by staring into my eyes

Rio: That’s the hottest and most romantic thing you’ve said simultaneously 

Buster: It would kill me to deny you anything

Rio: You would never, you could barely keep to it when that was the unspoken agreement 

Buster: That bullshit was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do

Rio: Hard agree

Buster: Tell me how many hours we have left, because this waiting game honestly feels like a ridiculously close second

Rio: [tell him] 🙄 

Rio: How do we usually go months? I’ve forgotten every trick I knew to make it okay

Buster: I’ll think of new tricks, you’ll be okay

Rio: Will I?

Buster: I’ll make sure you are

Rio: Okay

Buster: And you’ll make me proud

Rio: Shh

Buster: Absolutely not

Rio: Have you gotten any work done today?

Buster: My work’ll all get done

Rio: Hmm, not an answer

Buster: You don’t need to worry about me, there’s your answer

Rio: You worry about me, isn’t it meant to be mutual?

Buster: Come on, I’m going to be offered admission to Harvard, school isn’t a concern 

Rio: That’s years away, nothing is guaranteed, boy 

Buster: I’ll guarantee it with years of hard work and good grades

Rio: Good, then I don’t need to worry, do I

Buster: I told you

Rio: Don’t be a know-it-all

Buster: Don’t be rude

Rio: You’re ruder

Buster: I am not

Rio: You are

Rio: What about my work? You’ve not even asked

Buster: Because we’ve already discussed priorities, I trust you to behave, in school or anywhere else, with or without me

Buster: I don’t call you my angel for no reason

Rio: You haven’t called me that in ages

Rio: Far too long, in fact 

Buster: Do your work and I won’t have a choice but to

Rio: 😒 FINE 

Rio: I don’t know where I am though, just with you

Buster: If you can’t follow the lesson, I’ll help you with your homework later

Rio: I’m not surprised that’s a fantasy you have 

Buster: Don’t you want to study with me?

Rio: Didn’t say that

Buster: Say you do

Rio: Of course I do

Rio: you’re one of the smartest people I know

Buster: You’re one of the smartest people I know

Rio: It’ll be easy work for us

Buster: Easy isn’t the word

Rio: What is

Buster: Perhaps I’ll write you a list

Rio: Perhaps you ought to focus on tutoring me

Buster: Okay, tell me the last thing you remember being able to focus on from this class

Rio: 😶

Buster: Come on, there must be something

Rio: Haven’t we been talking this entire time? You come on

Buster: I’m flattered

Rio: As you should be

Rio: don’t worry, nothing important is being learnt, I can tell that much from everyone else

Buster: I’ll teach you everything you need to know anyway

Rio: We can make time to do all the work you need, within reason, of course

Buster: Nothing unreasonable, this is your holiday

Rio: Our birthday

Buster: Yeah

Rio: Let’s do everything together, whatever mundane everyday thing we can think of

Buster: I can’t think of a single thing that wouldn’t be better done with you

Rio: It’ll be like playing house, but

Rio: realer

Buster: We both need real

Rio: Everything has been so real it all seems fake, distant now

Rio: not my real, you know?

Rio: We’re the right kind

Buster: I’m glad I can be that for you

Rio: No pressure, yeah

Rio: that sounded less intense in my head

Buster: I thrive under pressure, remember

Rio: No, not cool of me

Rio: I have to rein it in

Buster: Don’t

Rio: Not pulling away again but enough

Buster: Enough for what?

Rio: Enough to be fun and not scary

Buster: I’m not scared, you know that

Rio: That doesn’t mean I want to be scary to test you

Buster: You don’t have to rein yourself in to protect me

Rio: I don’t want to lose myself, my grip on reality and feet on the ground

Rio: except, I do want that but it’s a dangerous thing to want and I know that now

Buster: You aren’t going to lose anything, there’s only everything to gain

Rio: How do you know that?

Buster: Call it ego if you like, you definitely would’ve before

Rio: If the shoe fits, like

Buster: On the other hand, I’d prefer to say I like you too much to let any parts of you go

Rio: I like you 

Rio: I’m not spiralling, not here 

Buster: Curl around me as soon as you’re here, we’ll create our own spiral

Rio: God, [countdown] go faster 

Rio: I need you like that

Buster: I need all of you not some watered down version, if you feel like you have to do that bullshit, I’ve failed

Rio: It isn’t you, you know it’s not you 

Buster: No, it’s you, how indescribably great you are

Buster: But I have to let you know that or I’m not doing enough

Rio: You are letting me know that

Rio: it’s not us, it’s everything else, how that weighs

Buster: Shrinking yourself smaller will just mean you’ll struggle to carry it

Rio: No one expected it to happen to her

Rio: unspoken but undeniable I’m the ideal candidate 

Buster: You think it should’ve been you because you want the chance to take her place, she’s your sister and you wish you could spare her what she’s been through

Buster: that’s a normal response, there’s no more to those thoughts, and there certainly isn’t truth to them

Rio: [a moment to excuse yourself from this lesson real quick because you gotta]

Rio: I’m still here

Rio: I don’t know what to say though, and that’s to you, what will I say to her? When she wants us to visit her, if she ever does

Buster: You’ll find the words

Buster: but if you couldn’t at first, Edie wouldn’t hold a temporary silence against you, not after asking to see you

Rio: She isn’t going to ask, not for me

Buster: Come on, you don’t know that

Rio: I do, when has she ever?

Buster: Things have changed

Rio: You could certainly say that

Buster: All bets are off

Rio: That’s not going to be comforting, however you put it

Buster: I’ll be here to comfort you whatever happens

Rio: I know

Rio: as long as she’s getting help and support, it isn’t about me

Buster: You’re allowed to want to visit her

Rio: If she doesn’t want it though, I won’t, not for my own sake

Buster: Obviously not, you’re the least selfish person I’ve ever met

Rio: You really think so?

Buster: Thinking about it used to make me really angry

Rio: You thought it was holier than thou, I get it

Buster: But now I do get it

Rio: Being any other way makes no sense to me, it wouldn’t occur 

Buster: You take after your mum

Rio: I guess so

Rio: I don’t know how she carries on though, every time

Rio: I don’t have that in me

Buster: You are carrying on

Rio: Am I?

Rio: I came running to you the second I could

Buster: She has people she leans on too, everyone does, even my mum

Rio: This time, for now, sure

Rio: but how great did those people turn out to be, you’ve already pointed out happily that my da sucks too

Buster: You’ve undeniably got better taste

Rio: It isn’t funny

Buster: I’m not joking, I’ve already also pointed out we have the luxury of learning from their mistakes

Buster: no one’s happier than I am that I’m not as traumatised as my parents are

Rio: You don’t have to be so arrogant about it

Buster: I’m being honest, I haven’t exaggerated my importance or capabilities, I don’t need to

Rio: It’s just smug, alright

Buster: It’s excessive in your opinion, I disagree

Rio: Good for you, disagree on your own

Buster: Fine

Rio: [oop, at least that shut y’all up I guess lmao]

Buster: [we did need to lol, soz though lads]

[baecvlt]

Stalker Nagito Komaeda x Milf!Reader

this was requested via my twitter:

“Hey! i’ve seen your works and I’m in love. Can I request smut where a stalker Nagito Komaeda becomes obsessed with a milf reader who moves into the neighborhood who’s like a dom in bed and ya know just large bust and taller than him. Thank youuu🤍”

a/n: ofc. but I have my own idea of a dom which i’ll use involving certain things (heed warnings)

warnings: he is so obviously a virgin in this, degradation, slight masochism, asphyxiation, spit, also Nagito calls the reader mommy (side note: nagito is in his early 20s in this, he lives alone. age of reader isn’t specified BUT I say she’s in her late 20s/early 30s)

• • •

It was a bright day...which Nagito despised. It was summer. He hated the sun, hated the mosquitoes, and the unnecessary humidity. It was days like these he wishes he was back at his university dorm. The A/C, the tall tree covering his window and blocking the sun...it was perfect. Hell, he didn’t even hate classes. Yet, he couldn’t live in the dorms forever. When it came time to buy a home, he stupidly did so in fall, moved in during the winter.

Well, no shit the home seemed perfect then. It wasn’t fucking summer. His A/C decided to break, his windows has a great view of the sun, and most of his friends were out of town (all except Hajime, but Hajime is fucking boring and a bummer). Nagito sat on his couch, watching reruns of old tv shows. He took a sip from his nearby glass (cold water), suddenly hearing sounds of what appeared to be a loading van. He looked outside his window.

A moving van?

Right, that one old man who lived there passed away. Freak accident, by the way. Oh well, may he rest in peace. Meanwhile, Nagito was being himself and trying to see who it was. Pretty much, the dude was being nosy. He saw another car pull up. That must’ve been the family’s car. Out jumped 3 kids, what appeared to be 2 girls and 1 boy. An adult stepped out. Nagito decided he’d get a better look at the situation. He put on his shirt, black jeans, and his green hood.

He was “going for a walk”.

Without being noticed, he made his way to the other side of the street. It was a woman, she was taking boxes out of the truck. The minute Nagito saw her it was if he was stricken by Cupid’s arrow. She was tall and beautiful. Her skin complimented her hair and her legs, he couldn’t take his eyes off them. Her breasts...he needed to stop—

“Hi!”

She was in front of him, a warm and inviting smile on her face. “H-Hi,” he muttered. She didn’t hear him well, so it helped that he waved. “I’m new in the neighborhood. We just moved in,” she added, putting the box down. She stuck her hand out, going for a handshake. He shook her hand, her warm hand against his cold ones. Why are his hands always cold? “I see,” he responded, getting his shit together,“I’m Nagito Komaeda. I live across the street”. She introduced herself and complimented his house.

“What a lovely home. I hope the neighborhood is just as lovely”

“It should be. It’s pretty quiet. There’s not many families here. Say, can I help you pack?”

“You’re too sweet! I’d really appreciate it”

He helped take all the boxes in her home, helping load a couch too, and help with other large objects. They finished in 9 hours, taking a majority of the day. “Thanks for helping out, Nagito”. She made a lemonade, handing him a glass.

“Don’t mention it! Also, thank you”

One of the kids ran in the living room where they sat on the couch. He gasped when he saw Nagito. “Mommy! That man looks dead!!!”. Nagito smiled, but his mom was not amused. “Michael! Apologize..”. The kid kept smiling and said,“Sorry!”. He ran to another room. “I’m so sorry,” she muttered. Nagito shook his head.

“Hey, I’m rather malnourished”

“Ha. On an unrelated topic, are you hungry? I could make us something”

“Oh, I shouldn’t linger any longer. I wouldn’t want to disturb your husband”

She laughed. “I know you mean no harm, but I’m not married,” she added. “Oh,” Nagito muttered,“I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean it in any way”. She shook her head and reassured him it was fine. “Sit, Nagito,” she pulled out a chair,“I’m not letting you refuse having dinner with us. Especially since you were such help”. She rubbed his back before heading back into the kitchen to begin cooking.

She made him a bowl of pasta, adding chicken on the side. Nagito was quite happy. He hadn’t eaten a good meal in so long. Her kids didn’t eat at the table, but on the counter. Meanwhile, she ate with Nagito. Just as Nagito thought he couldn’t grow fonder of her, he did just that. All she did was let him talk about himself.

“Jesus, I’m sorry about your parents? How are you keeping yourself afloat with university and expenses?”

“Academic scholarships”

“Wow, you’re such a smart boy”

The way she phrased it made him flustered. “Thank you for the meal, ma’am,” he muttered,“I haven’t eaten like this in who knows how long”. She smiled tenderly, picking up his empty plate. “Seconds?”. He shook his head.

“No, thank you. I’m already so full”

“I’m glad. You know, there’s always a meal for you in store if you can do me a favor”

“What’s that?”

“My oldest daughter has her final test this week. You think you can help her study? I’ll make you a nice, warm meal every time you come over”

Nagito thought about it. He would also have time around her. Plus, she wasn’t a bad cook. “Of course, I look forward to it,” he told her. “Lovely”. He got up and excused himself to go home. “It was nice having you over, Nagito,” she said softly. He could tell she was getting sleepy. When people are tired, Nagito has noticed that their tone is rather sheepish. She walked him to the door, ruffling his hair playfully and he blushed. “Goodnight, neighbor”.

“Goodnight, you”

Before he left, she stopped him and handed him a paper: (xxx) xxx-xxxx ♡

“Call me when you get home so I have your number saved. Then, I can call you when my daughter, Vanessa, needs help. Take care, okay?”

He nodded.

She closed the door, his thoughts racing on his way home. He picked up some things about her, things she didn’t even tell him. He went home and opened a notebook, writing all of it down. He called her and she answered, her voice as sweet as when he left (only sleepier). “Hello?”. His breath was heavy without realizing it as he spoke. “H-Hey, you told me to call you,” he breathed,“It’s Nagito...Komaeda”

“Oh, hey, angel! I’m not interrupting anything am I?”

“What? No, it’s all good— why’d you think so?”

“You sound like you need to catch your breath, but anyway, thanks for calling me. I’ve saved your number now”

“Oh, great! Well, if that’s all, I’ll let you go to bed now”

“It was. Goodnight, Nagito”

“G-Goodnight”

He hung up, flustered more than ever as he continued to jot down his thoughts on paper. The next day, he woke up at 6am to wait in his car. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn’t help it. At around 7:41am, his front neighbor and kids headed for their car. Nagito, who had taken a light nap in the driver’s seat, was awoken by the car starting. He waited for the car to drive away just slightly past his house to start his own car, slowly tailing behind her.

He dropped her kids off at the nearby elementary. She got off, kissed them on their forehead (all minus the eldest, who walked swiftly through the gates). Seeing how she cared for them made Nagito feel bad, but all he did was brush that feeling off. Next, he followed her through her daily. As he did, his notes from last night echoed through his mind, adding new detail.

“She works at an office not everyday She doesn’t have allergies but is sensitive to dust Red seems to be her favorite color but always in a darker shade Her daughter is around 10 years old She isn’t vegan but enjoys almond milk Maybe has an issues with abandonment but I can’t assume that either She buys many apples but not the same amount of bananas at the store so maybe she only eats the bananas—”

Just more to add to his notebook.

He got home before she did, writing down what he had learned. His phone rang about an hour later of him getting home. He picked it up,“Hello?”. “Nagito, hi!”. It was her. He started having a mini-panic attack, because why would she be calling him? “H-Hey, how are you?”

“I’m doing alright. I was wondering if you could come over and tutor Vanessa”

Oh, thank god.

“Yes, of course. I’ll be down there right now”

“Great. See you then!”

He was relieved, heading to her home happily. He knocked on the door. When she opened it, she did so with the same warm smile as yesterday. “Thank you for coming over,” she said,“She’s in her room”. Nagito nodded, freezing when she grabbed his hand and took him to the room. Her touch was so soft, noted. They got to the room, where a girl was reading a book on a desk. “Nessa?”. The girl turned around.

“Nagito is going to be here for a few hours to help you out with homework and studying. He’s really smart, so pay attention and be respectful”

“Okay, mom”

She nodded, squeezing Nagito’s shoulder before leaving. Nagito approached the girl, she took her things out. Before he could speak, she stopped him. “Please don’t call me ‘Nessa’,” she whispered,“It’s bad enough my mom does, but not you, Please”.

“Don’t worry. I wasn’t planning on referring to you at all”

“Bastard”

“Nessa”

“I guess I walked right into that one”

Nagito laughed, grabbing a chair and sitting next to her. Her work wasn’t what he expected. Is this what they’re teaching kids now? He could’ve sworn he hadn’t seen this type of stuff until he hit middle school. It wasn’t anything he couldn’t do, but damn. All in all, tutoring went well. Vanessa actually learned something today. “Good job!,” he said. “Thank you,” she smiled and hugged him,“I felt so stupid”.

“Hey, its okay not to understand things”

Her mom walked in. “Dinner’s ready”. Vanessa got up and went to the kitchen. “How’d it go?,” she asked Nagito. “Went well, she gets the math now,” he answered. She smiled, thanking him for his help and asking him to join them for dinner. He’d be foolish not to, so he accepted the invite.

Fish tacos were served tonight with rice and beans, another lemonade made. It was different than anything Nagito had ever had, but that doesn’t equate to bad. He actually enjoyed the meal. The kids sat at the main table today, much more respectful than yesterday. “Michael how was school?”. He put a thumbs up, getting back to eating. “And Adrianna?”. She looked up from her meal and shrugged. “What’s wrong?”.

“I’m tired, but class was okay”

“Oh, okay. When you’re done, just take a quick shower and get to bed”

“Thanks”

Nagito thought it was endearing. Seeing how understanding and loving she was, it was refreshing. The kids all eventually left, Nagito finishing his meal. “Did you like it?”. He looked at her, nodding. “Great! Seconds?”.

“Full again. I don’t usually eat, but your food is always so good”

“Oh, you’re just saying things...”

“No, really! Thank you”

He said his goodbyes to the family, walking back home. It was as if he was falling for this woman more and more everyday. He went to sleep, this time dreaming of her. He never dreams, but this time he dreamt she was on her knees for him. Then, nothing else. It was as if his dream teased him.

The next morning, he woke up to some knocking on the door. He looked at the time. 8:23am. He put on a pair of jeans and his shirt, walking to his door. He opened it and there she stood, wearing a black dress and red heels. He assumed she had work and needed a favor before going. “Good morning,” he said.

“Were you following me yesterday?”

Shit.

“I, uh...,” he didn’t know what to answer. He was indeed following her yesterday. He also liked her, so if he straight up said that he was to following her, it’d ruin things. His face was glowing a shade of pink to a slight red as he thought of the right answer. He was still stumbling over his words. “I think it’s kinda cute,” she added. The fuck? “Huh?”. She pushed him inside the house, closing and locking the door behind him. “When a boy follows someone around, it’s because he wants something,” she added, but her tone was so sultry,“Well, Nagito—”. She pushed him onto the couch, leaning in front of him with her hands on his chest.

“—What do you want?”

None of what was happening felt real. Nagito couldn’t find the words to express what exactly he wanted. This was the first time he’d ever been in a situation like this, it wasn’t a bad one either. He began to panic when she straddled him. “Could it be that you wanted me?,” she asked. He frantically nodded and she laughed as she locked her lips with his. He gasped against her lips, kissing back. She slowly trailed her kisses down to his neck, cupping his jaw while grinding on his lap. Nagito moaned, his shaky hands grabbing her ass. She grabbed his hands and put them away from her. “It’s cute that you’re getting this carried away”.

“I’m sorry”

“No time to apologize. Get on your knees for mommy”

Nagito was about to lose his mind when she said that, but he obeyed. Her presence was domineering as he stood on his knees against his carpeted floor. She spread her legs, noticing Nagito desperately trying to get a look. Her red heel stopped him, stepping on his head lightly. “Am I teasing you?,” she asked,“It’s okay to be honest”.

“Y-You are, but its okay. I want to be teased by you”

“You’re adorable,” she took her heel off his head,“Let’s go to your room”.

He practically ran to his bed. He sat and waited patiently. She entered the room, heading to his bed. She began to take off his shirt, admiring his frame. She then unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans. He kicked them off and sat down. She sat next to him. “Give me your hands”. She held them, frowning slightly. “Boo, they’re so cold,” she teased,“I’ll warm them up for you”. Carefully, she grabbed his left hand, putting his middle and ring finger in her mouth. She licked to his fingertips, leaving him tense and speechless. She stopped and smiled at him.

“This is your first time, isn’t it?”

He nodded shyly. “Don’t be shy,” she said,“I’m going to guide you, but I’m also going to have my fun”. He gulped, nodded. She stood up and removed her dress. She wore a lacy black bra and panties. She brought his hands to her breasts, allowing him to fondle them. They were huge in his hands. “You like them, baby?”. “Y-Yes,” he muttered,“Can you, uh, take....the bra off?”. He was ashamed when asking, he felt desperate. She smiled and nodded, unhooking it and allowing the bra to fall to the ground. He gasped at the sight of her tits, grabbing them. She straddled him.

“Do you know what to do with them?”

He nodded, rubbing one and sucking the other. She moaned sweetly, grinding on his lap. He popped his mouth off them. That was when she took the opportunity to knock him onto the bed. She began to make out with him, shoving his tongue down her throat. They lay sideways. Her hand was on his neck, slightly choking him. He couldn’t resist but try to grind on her lap. She laughed. “Look at you,” she mocked,“Humping my leg like a desperate little puppy”. She didn’t let him speak, sitting up and pushing him back down. “I’m going to give you what you want,” she whispered in his ear,“Take your cock out”.

He was nervous as he did, hands shaky. She blushed a bit at his size. “It’s so big,” she said, straddling him,“I’m going to have my way with it”. “Please, do what you want to me,” he begged,“Abuse me, please”. She didn’t speak, sinking down on it. Nagito gasped, she was extremely wet. She began to bring her hips up and land straight down on it, repeatedly. She put her hands around his throat, now being rougher. Nagito gasped for air, grabbing her hands.

That was a mistake.

“Hands down,” she ordered, striking him across the face. “Sorr-”. He was slapped once again. “Only speak when you’re spoken to”. He nodded as his stomach began to cave in. His cock twitched each time she slapped him, making her moan. She leaned forward, capturing his earlobe between her teeth. He winced, his hands tangling in the sheets. He felt as though his entire body was blushing.

“You’re so sensitive there”

She teased him, kissing the skin and nibbling. His hips involuntarily snapped upward, making her whine. “You’re so desperate, baby,” she laughed,“it’s so cute”. He could feel her warmth running along his cock. He bit into his hand, trying to stop himself from cumming inside her. It worked, but she didn’t like him doing that. She grabbed his hands and kissed them.

“Don’t hurt yourself, put them right here”

She placed them on her boobs. He watched them bounce up and down, grabbing them gently. His rather large hands seemed small on her tits. He was extremely flushed. He took them off her and placed them on her hips. “Open your mouth”. He lay back more and did as he was told. She leaned forward, grabbing his jaw again as she spit into it and kissed him. He moaned when she did, his urges getting the best to him and thrusting upward. He hit her cervix every time, causing her to produce the sweetest and sluttiest of moans. Her walls tightened around him and now he was whining. “Are you gonna cum, honeybun?,” she asked.

“Y-Yes..”

“Where do you wanna cum?”

“I wanna cum...everywhere. I want it. I want it so bad. I wanna cum inside and on your tits, on your ass, y-your face..mouth. Please let me cum, mommy”

She motivated him, riding him harder. “Come on, Nagito,” she whispered,“Cum for mommy. Cum all the way inside her”. He lost his mind after that, groaning as he shot his load(s) inside her. He was still inside her as he tried catching his breath. She rubbed his chest, shushing him. “Good boy, you did so well,” she cooed,“Such a good boy.” He was covering his face, embarrassed and still hard. “I wasn’t too rough, was I?,” she asked. He shook his head, thinking,“Not rough enough”. He whined when she got off, revealing he was still erect. She noticed.

“You wanna go again, baby? Kids don’t leave school till 2:30. We have time for an extra fuck”

“C-Can I?”

“Yes, dummy”

She let Nagito choose how to fuck her. He wanted missionary, mostly because he craved intimacy and she did not disappoint. She kissed and praised him, telling him he was good. She held onto him the whole time and cuddled him afterwards. Nagito felt so special, he felt loved. “I can come over when I don’t have work,” she said,“Would you like that?”.

“I’d love that actually”

“You make me happy, Nagito. I could stay here and cuddle all day”

“I feel so lucky”

He yawned, looking at the clock. “Its 10,” he told her. She nuzzled his chest, humming. “Mmmm, let’s take a small nap,” she whispered,“Okay?”. “Okay”. He kissed the top of her head and held her to him, slowly joining her in slumber.

[tomtenadia]

My knight in shining armour

Rowaelin month Day 2 - University AU

I literally just finished this. I wasn’t going to write for this prompt but then an idea finally hit me.

The title as usual is bad... sorry

2k words

-----

Aelin had days in which she hated men. That was one of those days. 

After finishing high school she decided to took a challenging course at the University of Terrasen. Her dad, before he retired, had been an airforce pilot. She had grown up going around his base, visiting him when he was back. In doing so, she had become obsessed with planes. As she grew up, her dad had let her get friendly with his engineer and the man had started teaching her all she needed to know about aircrafts. From the basic physics to the more obscure detail of how the jet worked. Aelin had been fascinated. She had started reading all the possible books, and as she got older, her dad’s engineer had also started having her to actually help her in the hangar. In the summer when school was out, she would actually get a part-time job as an apprentice at the base and she had loved every moment of it. She had also become very close with the two female pilots and together they had spent time talking about the life of a woman in a boys club. The two women had become her role models very quickly.

Terrasen was quite and open minded country but some ideas were still quite obsolete.

In high school at the question “what you want to be when you grow up?” She always answered an aircraft engineer for the airforce. She never faltered or never doubted. That’s what she wanted to, that was her path.

But when time for uni arrived and she applied for a degree in aeronautical engineering, that’s when she realised that the boys club extended far more than she expected.

She was basically the only woman in the class. None of the guys had approached her and on the first day she had walked in the classroom, one of them had the guts to tell her that the humanities department was in the annex c. She ignored the bastard and sat down at the front. She belonged in that room and she would prove it to every single one of them.

Day after day she had shown her knowledge and surprised her professor who was amazed at the fact that she could answer such in depth questions. Last time it happened, she had turned to Chaol - the asshole who had told her about the annex c, and gave him a smirk. That had removed his stupid grin from his face. It felt amazing.

During a private one-to-one with her professor she had confessed to him she had been working at the airbase as an apprentice during the past three summers. Her teacher had luckily been very supportive and encouraged her to keep up the good work.

Now, six months in, she still hated with a vengeance the arseholes she had to study with. Some of them even had the guts to ask her for some help after they realised she was actually good. She had answered that surely they didn’t want the help of a woman, and walked away.

After another class it was finally lunch time and she was meeting Rowan down at their spot on the grass. They were a couple. He had asked her out in the summer after high school was over and they had been together ever since. He was a med student and he knew her pain about choosing a challenging degree. Both their degrees were very intense and required a lot of time so they would just try and spend as much time together as they could. They had a flat together but the public library was were they spent most of their time.

And when their schedules allowed it, they would enjoy lunch together, venting about their academical choices.

“I fucking hate that bastard.” She raged, dropping her bag on the grass and sitting at his side, depositing a kiss on his lips. She felt better almost immediately, being in his arms was all she needed to feel okay again.

“What did he do now?” Asked Rowan knowing of her struggles in her classes.

Aelin grabbed her bag and pulled out her food, the dinner that Rowan had prepared the previous night and then packed away for both of them.

“The teacher gave us an exercise where we had to design an aircraft with what we had learned so far.” She told him, while munching away her food “He was up first and his project was a effing disaster. Seriously, I’d wouldn’t want to fly on a plane designed by him.” She took a sip of her water “the teacher asked us to say what was wrong and it took me ten minutes to stop. I mean, a two year old would have done a better job with lego bricks.”

Rowan giggled at her side “then my turn came and the bastard had the guts to tell me that the aerodynamics of my plane were off and that my ailerons where wrong as well and would not allow the plane to function properly. I took my laptop and shoved it in his face and told him to find the error in my math. He had no clue.” Her face turned smug “then the teacher took over and said that actually my project was, among all, the only one that could actually fly. I felt smug as fuck.”

Rowan pulled an arm around Aelin’s shoulder and pulled her to him. He was proud of her. Every damn day.

“Then after class, he threw me a paper plane and inside it had a message saying this is the only plane you will ever build or work on. I swear, the guy is still alive only because I am not looking forward to finishing my degree via distance learning from a prison.”

She calmed down “how was your day?”

Rowan leaned back against the tree “I had anatomy and physiology. Today we covered the endocrine system and it must be one most boring of them all.”

“Well,” she added with a big smile “when you cover the reproductive system you are welcome to practice with me…”

He laughed and squished her to her chest “I am a very big fan of your… bits.” She kissed him deeply not caring that they were in public, she wanted him and hated that they had more classes before being able to go home and then alas, study more. Maybe for one evening they could study something different.

“Aelin?”

“Yes, buzzard?”

His tongue gently teased her and she opened for him while his hand brushed off a rebel strand of hair.

He pulled back “Nothing, you had tomato sauce on you lips. I was just wiping it off. Did you think I wanted to kiss you?” 

Aelin gently punched him on the shoulder, in return he gave her a massive grin. Rowan was a very reserved man who struggled with stranger, but she had her own version, the goofy one, the one who made jokes and loved to cuddle with her. She would treasure that version forever. That was just for her.

They were busy chatting away and she was showing him on her laptop the exercise she had been working on and her plane prototype and although what she was saying was greek to him, he still listened to her in fascination.

She was telling him how a plane flew and the four forces when a figure stopped in front of them.

“It must be exciting to brag with your boyfriend about your hopeless projects.” Said the man.

Rowan raised his eyes and finally saw the face of the man that had been making Aelin’s life miserable.

“What did you just say?” Rowan stood and towered on the brown-haired man by twenty centimetres. Chaol also looked frail compared to Rowan’s muscular frame.

“Chaol, you’d better go.” Not that she cared about the man, she just didn’t want Rowan to get into trouble for a petty man.

“You’d better give up while you still can, Galathynius. Aeronautical engineering is not a field for a woman.” He crossed his arms at his chest trying to look intimidating but the look in Rowan’s eyes told her it was a useless attempt. Her boyfriend was ready to attack. She knew he had never hit anyone, but had a feeling that if Chaol didn’t stop it could be a first for Rowan.

“Chaol,” she stood as well and growled his name in warning.

“Oh, so you are one of those arseholes who believes that certain jobs can be done only by those who were born with a penis. It’s the fucking 21st century. Grow up, idiot.”

Rowan swore, alarm bells rang in Aelin’s head. He only swore when he was extremely mad, something that her unflappable boyfriend rarely was.

“Oh look, Galathynius, you have a knight in shining armour.”

Aelin moved between Rowan and Chaol, trying to separate them when her boyfriend moved a step closer to the other guy.

Chaol chuckled “Did you sleep with every professor—” but Chaol never finished his sentence. She saw the scene develop in slow motion in front of her. At those words Rowan’s face had turned feral and as on instinct his arm moved and a second later his fist found its target in Chaol’s face. 

Rowan then grabbed Chaol by the collar and lifted him up slightly “You take it back, immediately or I’ll smash all the twenty two bones in your skull.”

“Go on,” said Chaol, nursing a broken lips.

Aelin stopped in between and grasped Rowan’s hand gently “Put him down, Ro, he is not worth it.”

Her gaze then turned to Chaol “now you go back to whatever shithole you came from and perhaps go back working on your project and design a real aircraft.” She moved closer to him “I know what the fuck I am doing. And I know I will have a job in the airforce after this. You will just go back being daddy’s little spoiled boy.”

Chaol glared at her and Rowan finally let go of him, bur before he fully released him he pulled the man close enough that his mouth was near his ear “you disrespect her like that one more time and you’ll finish your degree from a hospital bed while sipping your food from a straw.” Rowan flashed his teeth in a threatening gesture “you leave her alone, because if I hear you have been a bastard to her one more time, I will make your life a living hell.” And eventually released him. Chaol shrugged his t-shirt back into place and walked away without adding another word.

Rowan sighed and then turned to her, his expression back being soft as soon as she looked back at him.

“You didn’t have to punch him,” she said while snuggling against his chest. His arms quickly around her.

“Yes I had to. What he said….” She felt him tense up again “he made me so mad, fireheart.”

“Seeing you thump him was very sexy,” she kissed him gently on the lips “my knight in shining armour.”

Rowan chuckled and looked into he blue eyes “you don’t need a knight. You are fierce, brave and strong and do not need any protection,” he added, his lips on her head. Nesting under his chin was her favourite position. They fit perfectly “I, on the other hand, as a male who is hopelessly in love with you, felt the desperate need to avenge the sullied honour of my amazing other half.”

Aelin giggled hard “you really sound like a knight.”

“Come on, Sir Rowan Whitethorn of Wendlyn, let’s finish our lunch, I have an hour of mechanics of flight coming up and I need sustenance.”

“Yes, my queen,” he said kneeling in front of her.

Aelin laughed and kissed him deeply “maybe I can be your queen tonight in bed as well.”

His smirk grew wider and Aelin felt heat pool at her core at his expression.

“Whatever m’lady commands.”

They finished their lunch in peace without any more interruptions and eventually they parted ways, going to their respective classes.

Chaol did not bothered her anymore. He didn’t even met her gaze and him ignoring her was all she asked. She was there to learn, he could just go and sulk in the afterburner of a jet, perhaps while on, for all she cared.

Aelin texted Rowan a thank you and his reply was a simple To whatever end.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

April 2021 Part 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Second Chance Ep 1 - living up to its name since it looks to be a series of redemption arcs. Launched with a college confession and a broken friendship, then a flash back to them as seniors in high school. Pairings include friends to lovers, nerd/jock, and maybe cafe boss/employee. There’s a lot going on, but it’s still... quiet and sweet. The script is pretty pat but it’s still WAY more watchable than Cupid Coach or Brothers and most of the acting is solid. Ep 1 tropes included: he’s in engineering, wound tending, fast & bicurious. This could turn into what I wanted My Gear & Your Gown to be. Fingers crossed. 

Love Poison 2 Ep 1 & 2 turns out I did watch and report on season 1 (8 eps), season 2 seems equally unmemorable. Thai countryside setting, strong dialect, incomprehensible plot, camp side characters, and ghastly singing. 

Y-Destiny Ep 1 (eng subs?) - opened with the sports romance enemies to lovers (they aren’t going in the teaser order). When the couple got over fighting, the flirting was v cute, but the flipping SPONGE BATH trope had to rear its ugly head. Still, this series is shaping up to be less coy and more frank than most BL, better than expected. It feels, I don’t know, gay-er or something?  *** Sources were correct that each couple is getting (at least) 2 eps, and MDL has been updated to say this is a 15 episode series (not 7). 

Cupid Coach 12 fin - The new Nite was great and should have been a main all along. It felt like we got a tiny nugget of what could have been in about 10 minutes worth of this last ep. It was way too slow with terrible editing and a criminally bad script, but at least it ended happy. Mostly, like Friend Forever, I’m just disappointed that these two actors were done dirty by the series. Bad Cupid Coach, no screen caps for you. 

Lovely Writer Ep 6 - breaking news, there’s a het couple I like: toppy bi femme + soft boi = such a good pairing! I know, but this NEVER happens. Meanwhile, Sib’s secret is out, Gene is a bit of a drama queen, and the plot thickens. We half way through.  

Brothers Ep 9 - Kaow had a serious moment of advice giving that was truly lovely. Lots of family dama made this a superior episode to... well... any of the others in this series. Which isn’t saying much. 

1000 Stars Ep 10 fin - at the start this series didn’t grab me the way GMMTV’s last BL, Tonhon Chonlatee, did. But boy did it end 1000x better. Might have given us 2021′s best forehead kiss. I enjoyed the ultra romantic cliff-top reunion kiss, and I LOVED the stinger flirting scene. That was an absolute gift we had no right to expect. This drama is a poster child for finishing on a high note (always focus on that dessert course). Final thoughts? This was FAR more a classic romance than it was BL. There were some BL tropes used but not many and most of them originated in the romance genre not yaoi. A picture perfect ending bumped 1000 Stars much higher up my best-of list than expected. Not sure how often I’ll rewatch it as a whole, but this last episode? I’m probably rewatching it right now. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Dear Uranus (Taiwan GL) Ep 3 fin - I guess that’s it? Okaaaaay  

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 3 (AKA Ep 5-6) - we got actual legit gay culture not just BL (always appreciated) from XingSi. I’m starting to find LiCheng’s “show them we fucking” hijinks hilarious rather than annoying (not sure why, maybe I just love a rubber chicken, or maybe it was the STUFFED CORN WITH THE TASSEL that did it). 

-- H4 Moment of RANT --

Tropes included beach trip, there’s only one bed, cook for him, baby is a floppy drunk, carry baby to bed, and.... drunk non-con. Whoopdedoo. Here we go again. Did TharnType teach us NOTHING? (Apparently it taught us if the chemistry is good enough, I have no morals at all.) At least H4 seems to be taking us out of cheese into serious when it comes to assault. Or is it? 

I take back what I said last week about XingSi & YongJie being codependency + salvation trope, that only works if YongJie is the uke. He’s NOT. So we got us an obsessive predatory villain with a possible redemption arc. That’s more common in crime dramas, mafia romance, and epic fantasy than BL. It’s real hard to redeem a sexual predator in a reality-grounded universe like contemporary romance (See Kla in LBC1&2). 

Next week is gonna be a test of the whole damn franchise. Imma remind both me a you that this was ep 3 of 10 so we got a ways to go yet... but ooof, what have we wrought, BL? (I ended up doing a whole post about the stepbrother trope because of this sub plot.) Taiwan is killing me.

-- RANT ended --

Word of Honor (China) Ep 19-21 - over half way point so we got ALL the back story (in a classic 4 act story structure midway reveal). Now we know who WKX really is and his lineage. We also got some cute hugs and hand holds. Moving along at a nice clip despite being 36 eps total. Still gayest thing to come out of we-not-gay China since Advance Bravely. 

Most Peaceful Place (Vietnam) Ep 2 - takes them a while to get eng subs together and ep 2 didn’t drop until late. So I’m putting this in a Thurs time slot going forward. Miscommunication already cleared up and a 2nd couple has been introduced. The pacing on these Vietnamese BLs is always a bit... off. But it’s still better than most of its ilk, enjoyable. I’m thinking it’s a 6 ep arc. 

We Best Love 2 (Taiwan) Ep 5 - after the initial drama DRAMA of ep 2, the current external crisis at work is much quieter, giving this whole season a top heavy feel. Taken along side the first season, I think it’s fitting nicely into a 4 act structure, but that might be my bias. I hope I’m not wrong, we’ll find out next week. Shi De puttering about being domestic with Shu Yi on his back was the best execution of the piggyback trope EVER. Meanwhile, our little D/s side couple of codependency, salvation trope + mental illness is becoming weirdly appealing. I don’t know. H4 done mess with my head. 

Stand Alones 

Absolute BL AKA Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko  (Japan) Ep 1-4 mini series. Found subs under A Man Who Defies The World of BL. IT’S HILARIOUS. It’s Japan making fun of us, but also itself for having started this whole BL nonsense - from yaoi roots to present day. It’s parody goddamn gold. Utterly cheeky unto the very last line. We are not worthy. 

Apparently the most powerful tropes of all time are: baby is a floppy drunk and the piggyback fo nobility. Oh and chocolate. {Full review here.} 

Honestly, this show may have been made with only @heretherebedork and I in mind. I don’t know if you’d even understand half of it if you don’t have a history with the manga source genre and an obsessive interest in underlying narrative devices. I haven’t seen much chatter in the blog’o’sphere on this one because, in the end, it’s not a romance at all, it’s social commentary. 

The ending line was a masterclass in lampooning a genre. I’m going to rewatch the whole thing just to catch all the digs I missed first time around. It is a thing of beauty and a joy forever. 

Thank you Japan. I forgive you all your hair-styling sins of the last decade. 

Breaking News 

Spring Line Up:

Scholar Ryu’s Wedding Ceremony AKA Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korean historical BL) April 15th 

Close Friend the series (Thai trailer) April 22. 

2gether the movie (Thai trailer) April 22 to Thai theaters.

Nitiman (Thai) May 7 on One31.

I Told Sunset About You 2 (Thai) May 27 on LineTV

Ossan’s Love (Hong Kong) June to Viu 

Gossip 

Bad Buddies released its first promo op via Arm Share, which means GMMTV is at least *thinking* about filming it. 

Fun behind the scenes gossip sesh with eng subs for Tell the World I Love You (that Perth Bas movie we are maybe getting someday but will likely be sad). 

New Thai BL Bite Me (adapted from novel Grab a Bite) dropped a teaser. It stars Mark Siwat (Kla in LBC) as uke character Ake, a delivery boy with special foodie powers, and chef Eua (seme played by Zung Kidakorn) who discovers him. It’s from the same author as Manner of Death so we might even get some actual plot. Since it’s an established BL actor who I happen LOVE, a known author, and a plot about FOOD, I could not me more excited for this one. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed a day later than actual air date for accessibility reasons. Some are dropping multiples at a time but just started so I’m not sure on numbering. 

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

[luke-patterson-owns-my-soul]

Hey Jealousy – Part One.

Add yourself to my taglist

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Charlie Gillespie x Reader

Summary: The reader and Charlie grew up together, were the best of friends. It didn’t work well for her having boyfriends until she goes to college. Is her best friend jealous, or is everyone imagining things?

Requested: Yes / No

TW: Swearing, implies sexual intercourse, swearing, drinking Author’s notes: I had a weird dream (non-sexual) about an ex of mine and trying to make Charlie jealous (as you do), and this idea came from that. Whether it makes any sense at all remains to be seen.

Acknowledgements: The gorgeous @dream-a-little-bigger-x listened to me waffle on about this and read through most of it for me. Thank you my love.

Pairing: Fem Reader x Charlie Gillespie (eventually)

Words: 10,076

I have no idea when I’ll be posting Part Two as I am yet to write it... but I was way too impatient to sit on this. 

Growing up being the best friend of Charles Gillespie was equal parts the best and worst thing. The best because he was genuinely the nicest guy, ever. He was outgoing, inclusive of everyone, and so much fun to be around. Charlie never sat still, didn’t do well with being bored, so it meant we made a lot of memories together along with our other friends.

The worst because for some reason, being best friends with a guy was off putting to other guys. Hanging out with Charlie ninety percent of the time seemed to prevent them approaching me. Even when I made it obvious I liked them, they seemed too scared to speak to you beyond a ‘hi’ or a ‘how you doin’?’. Charlie never seemed to notice how frustrated I was.

When Charlie moved to Toronto to follow his dreams of becoming an actor, it felt as if I’d lost a limb. I’d known him my entire life, had been friends for the whole time, had gone through all our firsts together, and with him not around, I didn’t know what to do with myself.

Admittedly, I was starting college just over the border in the US so there was that to keep me busy, but it wasn’t the same. Moving away from home, not having him with me, laughing at the other freshmen to help relieve my nerves. But I was alone and had no idea what I was doing.

Once I’d found my dorm room, I sat on the bed, surrounded by bags and boxes, and pulled my phone out of my bag. I needed my best friend right now, despite knowing he was probably out at auditions. I pull up my favorite contacts and tap on Charlie’s name, hoping he’ll be able to answer.

“Hey. I only have five minutes. How did the move go? Is your roommate cool? Any guys took your fancy? Have you had a chance to look around yet?” Eventually he stopped asking questions long enough to take a breath, letting me finally cut in to speak.

“Jesus Christ, Gillespie. I know you don’t have long, but do you really need to pepper me with so many questions? Don’t answer that otherwise I’ll never get to say anything.” I take a shaky breath and slowly start answering his questions. By the time I finish filling him on my day so far, he’s grinning at me.

“Sounds great, Trouble. I’m really pleased for you.” I rolled my eyes at his use of the nickname he gave me when we were seven and I punched a boy in the nose for tripping Charlie over and laughing at him cutting his chin on a small rock. “So, what do you have planned for the rest of the day?”

“I have some orientation thing, then I don’t know. Maybe just chill in my room, get to know my roommate when they finally get here.”

“Hey, listen. I gotta go. But I’ll call you when I get back to the apartment so you can tell me more. Especially if your roommate’s pretty.”

“You’re such a fucking horndog, Gillespie. Love you.”

“Love you too, Trouble.”

My ‘don’t call me that’ died on my lips as the call ended and the photo of Charlie and me camping at the Bay of Fundy a couple years back that had been my wallpaper since his sister took it filled the screen. My happiness of speaking to him faded as I realized I was alone, again.

:: ::

I had been at college for three months, and I was almost at the end of my first semester. Charlie was busy with filming a show he’d booked. I knew nothing about 2nd generation, but he was so excited, I couldn’t help but be so happy for him. We spoke most days and texted so much that all my friends thought we were dating. No matter how much I told them we were only friends, no one ever believed me.

The wall above my desk was covered in photos of the two of us and our other friends, and your roommate, Lena, was obsessed with him.

“Honey, if you ain’t tapping that, if he ever comes to visit, I’m stepping up.” She’d told me the first time she looked at a photo of Charlie. Every time the two of us facetimed, and she was in the room with me, she would butt in and flirt outrageously with him. I would laugh at him flirting back, enjoying the fact my two closest friends, one old and one new, got along.

I’d found it easier to settle into college life than I expected without having him with me. Maybe, if I was honest, him not being around was possibly the reason I was finding it easier. As much as I loved him and having him around, having something that was just for me meant something special.

I’d just finished a class and was walking across the quad when my phone rang in my bag, Charlie’s ringtone blared out. He’d picked En Vogue’s Whatta Man when we were about thirteen because ‘Trouble, it just describes me perfectly’. I’d just never got around to changing it, and now it always made me smile whenever I heard it.

“Hey, Trouble.” A groan and an eyeroll. “Whatcha doin’?”

“I just finished my classes for the day. I’m going for coffee with Lena. How’s things over there?”

“Yeah, we’re going strong.” There was a lot of indistinct background noise I couldn’t identify behind him, and it was hard to hear him. He hadn’t facetimed, which was strange, but it was probably a flyby call while he was waiting for a scene to be set up, or whatever actors did. I had no clue despite him telling me multiple times.

“That’s great.” As I walked beside Lena who was making kissy faces at me as Charlie and I spoke, I couldn’t help but smile at hearing his voice. It wasn’t the same as having him with me in person, but it was the best we’d have until Christmas break.

“Look, give me five and call me back. I just gotta speak to someone real quick.” Before I could answer, he cut the call.

“Well, that was the quickest call I’ve ever seen you two have.” Lena commented, a small smile on her face.

“He wants me to call him back in five.” It was typical Charlie, start something, then expect me to finish it.

“I swear, you speak to him more than your family.” She wasn’t wrong.

“He’s kind of like my security blanket. He talks me off the edge whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed and stuff. He’s never judged me for the way I overthink, and he’s so easy to be with.”

“I swear, if I didn’t know better, I would think you’re in love with him.”

“I do love him. He’s like the brother I never wanted and often get frustrated with, but I couldn’t imagine my life without him.”

“Uh huh…” She didn’t need to elaborate. She’d been saying the same thing since our first day. She was insistent that there was more to mine and Charlie’s relationship than there was. I was used to her by now and was able to ignore it now. “You better phone him back.” She reminded me as we neared the campus coffee shop. With a smile, I hit call on his contact.

Behind me, the sound of P!nk’s Trouble, my ringtone on Charlie’s phone rang out. Confusion washed over me as Lena started laughing. I spun round to see Charlie leaning up against a tree, a wide smile on his face.

I cut the call and ran over to him, throwing myself at him. As always, he caught me, his arms wrapping around my waist and pulling me in tight against his body.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked when he finally placed my feet back on the ground below me.

“I have the weekend off, so I drove down to see my best girl,” he looked at Lena with a smile, “and you, Trouble.” I punched him in the arm as he pulled my roommate into a hug.

“Remind me why I keep you around?” I asked him as the three of us entered the coffee shop.

“Because you adore this pretty face.” I rolled my eyes as we found a table after making our orders.

“You keep telling yourself that, Gillespie.”

:: ::

For the entire weekend, I showed Charlie around the campus and took him to parties. We got wasted, he enjoyed meeting my friends, but my favorite moment was on the Sunday when it was just the two of us, about a half hour outside of town, walking along a hidden trail.

“Trust you to find this place. I never even knew it was here.”

“You need to take more time for yourself, away from campus. Remember what it’s like to just be.”

“Do you get much of a chance to do that?” I asked as we walked, our arms brushing together the way they always did whenever we spent time together.

“Not as much as I like, but I try to get out at least once a week. It’s not the same though, not without you.” I looked up at him and saw a softness to his face not many people got to see.

“I’ve missed you, you big goof.”

“I’ve missed you too, Trouble.”

“You gotta stop calling me that.” I rolled my eyes, making him laugh and nudge at me with his shoulder.

“Never gonna happen, kiddo.”

“Kiddo? For fuck’s sake, Gillespie. You’re like two months older than me. You’re not exactly drawing your pension just yet.”

“It all counts.” He lifted his wrist and looked at his watch. “I better head back to my car and start heading back. I’ve got an early call in the morning.”

My heart sank at his words. I’d known the entire weekend he couldn’t stay forever and as we turned around to walk back the way we came, I felt a feeling of sadness wash over me.

“Hey, don’t do that.” He scolded me.

“Do what?”

“Fold in on yourself. We’ll both be home for Christmas.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve just enjoyed having your ugly face around.”

“Ugly? You wound me.”

“Whatever.”

Silence fell over us as we continued walking, and the closer we got to the parking lot, the sadder I became at having to say goodbye to him again. He took hold of my hand, interlinking our fingers the way we always did.

Finally, we reached his car and came to a standstill next to it.

“Thank you for coming to see me. I needed this weekend.”

“I’ll always be there when you need me.” I knew he meant it too. He always did.

“I know. It’s one of the main reasons I adore you.” I wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed him tight. I wasn’t ready to let him go, but knew I had to. Knew I had to carry on with this new chapter of my life that didn’t revolve around our friendship, knew he needed to get back to work and forge his way in his chosen career.

“Love you, Trouble.” He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead before pulling away from our hug and unlocking his car. “Gonna miss you.”

“Gonna miss you more. Let me know when you’re back, so I don’t worry.”

“I promise.”

Lena walked to stand beside me as I watched Charlie climb into his car and pull away. We stood and watched him drive away until I couldn’t see his car anymore.

“That boy is in love with you.” I ignored her as I turned to walk back to our dorm. “Just as much as you are with him.”

:: ::

Christmas break had been crazy. My large family and the Gillespie family always mixed for the holiday, and it was always loud, full of laughter, and more than a little raucous. It was my favorite time of the year.

This year was no different, but it was over all too soon, and I barely saw Charlie. He got back home on Christmas Eve, and had to leave again the day after Christmas Day thanks to reshoots and stuff I didn’t really understand. Most of my time had been spent with his sister, Megan, but there was a hole in my celebrations. A Charlie-sized hole.

He didn’t even make it back home for New Year, and I saw in midnight on the back porch of my parent’s house alone, a glass of champagne untouched next to me. I’d tried facetiming him, but my calls had gone unanswered.

Arriving back at college was a relief, and the holiday period had made me realize I’d become so co-dependent on my best friend, I was holding myself back from living my life.

“Hey bitch, how was Mr. Tallish, dark, and gorgeous?” Lena asked as we both unpacked from our vacations.

“Busy. I hardly saw or spoke to him.” I could hear the bitterness in my own voice and hated it, but I also kind of didn’t care.

“I’m sorry, babe. How about we head out to a ‘welcome back’ party, get dressed up, and break some hearts?”

After thinking about it for a split second, I grinned and agreed.

“Fuck it. Why not?”

Usually, campus parties were casual affairs; sweats and tank tops, but the flyers about this one was emblazoned with the words ‘dress to impress’, so Lena and I went all out.

Walking across campus in my favorite LBD and a pair of amazing stiletto pumps, I felt like I could conquer the world. I’d made an effort with my hair and makeup, and when Lena was ready, we’d taken a shit ton of selfies, posting them on Instagram. It was amazing what getting dressed up did for a girl’s self-esteem.

“Honey, when Charlie sees those photos on insta, he’s gonna be calling you like crazy.”

“Well, it’s a shame my phone is on silent in my purse, then. Tonight is for me and you to have a great time.”

“And maybe try and get over one guy with another?”

“Lena, I don’t need to get over Charlie. He’s my best friend, and I adore him. But that’s all it is.”

As we entered the party – in a frat house, naturally – I couldn’t help but be impressed with how dressed up everyone was. I followed Lena through the crowd into the kitchen where we managed to grab some drinks.

“Yeah, okay. You keep telling yourself that. I can only go by what my eyes show me, and there is more going on between you two than either of you want to admit.” I opened my mouth to say something, but she cut me off. “I’ll shut up now. Let’s go, Momma’s in the mood for dancin’.”

I didn’t see Lena for three days after the party. She’d met some guy and had spent the entire time in his bed. It had been nice to have the room to myself as I caught up with movies and TV shows on Netflix I had missed over the holiday period. By the time classes started back up, she was back and seriously study mode.

“John was asking after you again today.” She told me two weeks back into classes as we walked in the wintery sunshine to get some lunch.

“Oh.” I had no idea who John was, but I was going along with it.

“You don’t remember him, do you?”

“No clue, sorry.”

After gasping, she proceeded to fill me on John. Apparently, I’d danced with him a lot at the frat party. He was six feet tall, well built, but not huge, and had a hint of red hair. None of it was ringing any bells, but seeing as she was sleeping with his roommate, she saw him regularly.

“How can you not remember him? you were all over him.”

“Lena, I’d almost drank my weight in tequila, I would have been impressed if I’d remembered my own name, never mind someone else’s.” She pulled her phone out of her pocket. After tapping on the screen for a couple of minutes, she turned it so I could see.

The guy on screen was gorgeous. Piercing green eyes that reminded me of the forest near my house, and a wide, friendly smile.

“Judging by that reaction, you’d have no problems coming out with us tonight? Nothing heavy, just a few drinks and some food.”

“I wouldn’t be averse to food and drinks.” Laughing at my answer, she linked our arms and steered me into our favorite sandwich bar.

:: ::

The first meeting turned into a first date, then a second, a third, and before I’d even realized, John and I were dating, and it had been three months since that first meeting that I could remember. He was easy going and fun to be around, plus he loved being outside rather than cooped up in a room with another person. Especially when that person was his roommate who was often making out for hours with my roommate. We spent a lot of time on the hidden trail I’d discovered with Charlie, often taking a blanket so we could have a picnic under the lush canopy of trees.

John was a photography major, and never went anywhere without his camera – unless there was going to be alcohol – and my photo wall in my room was soon full of photos of the two of us, of me and Lena, and random things he saw that made him think of me. I had never been tagged in so many photos of me sober on Instagram in my life, and I loved every minute of our time together, but while I was happy, and living my best life there was still something missing. A 5,8” dark haired something.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d spoken to Charlie for longer than five minutes, and never mind an actual facetime call. He’d finished up with 2nd Generation and had gone back home for a few weeks. I’d seen photos of him and his family, mostly his cousin Madi, doing the things I would usually be doing with them. Spring break was coming up, and while most of my friends were planning crazy trips down to Florida or Mexico, all I wanted to do was to go home.

“Hey, what are you doing for Spring Break?” I asked John as we lay tangled together in my bed, a sheen of sweat on both of our skin.

“I haven’t made any plans yet, why?”

“Fancy coming to Canada?”

:: ::

Pulling up in the drive outside my parent’s house, I look over at John in the passenger seat. He looked nervous as hell which made me chuckle. I unclipped my belt and leaned over to give him a quick kiss.

“Stop panicking. It’s going to be fine.” I told him. My parents were looking forward to meeting him. “I should be the nervous one. I’ve never brought a guy home before.”

“What? Never? Not even in high school?” I shook my head. “What about your prom date?”

“Me and Charlie went to prom together. We did everything together, and it stopped guys asking me out and stuff. So yeah…” I drifted off, realizing that this was my first relationship, my first boyfriend.

“That’s cool. Come one, let’s get this over with so we can both calm down.” He gave me another kiss before getting out of the car, retrieving our bags from the trunk. By the time I’d got out, he was standing beside me, holding out his hand. I took hold of it and led him to the house.

“Mom, dad? Anyone?” The house was silent when I let us in, John dropping our bags on the floor in the entry. “Hello? Favorite daughter is home for a week.”

“Only daughter you mean.” My younger brother, Tyler came bounding down the stairs, skidding to a stop when he saw John standing next to me.

“Okay, I wasn’t expecting that.” I glared at him. “I mean, I’ve seen photos and shit, but I didn’t expect you to be so big. Nice to meet you, man.” Tyler held out his hand for John to shake, which he did, chuckling at my brother’s lack of brain to mouth filter.

“Ty, where is everyone?”

“Out in the yard. Dad’s cleaning off the barbecue and mom’s making sure he does it right.” I couldn’t help but laugh. Not that I expected it to, but nothing had changed. Tyler took off through the house out into the back yard where my family were waiting.

“Ready for a trial by fire?” I asked John, looking up at him, smiling.

“Best to get it over and done with.”

Turning my whole body so I was fully facing him, I wrapped my arms around his neck and stood on my tiptoes to give him a kiss.

“They’re gonna love you, I promise.” I murmured against his plump lips. He took a deep breath, gave me another quick kiss, and untangle me from him.

“Let’s do this.”

Once again, with our hands linked, I led the way, this time through the house I’d grown up in and out into the large back yard. Which was full of people, not just my family. Of course, the Gillespies were here too.

As John and I came to a stop on the ack porch, I cast my eyes across the space before me, looking for Charlie. It was a mixture of habit and wanting to see him, but I couldn’t find him.

“He’s not here.” Megan had jogged over and pulled me into a hug so she could whisper into my ear. Her words caused a wave of sadness to wash over me. “And we finally get to meet this guy who is all over your insta?” She grinned at John; her smile achingly similar to that of her brother.

“John, this is Megan, the little sister I never wanted, but got stuck with anyway.” As the two of the chatted, the three of us moved down into the garden so I could introduce my boyfriend to everyone.

:: ::

John had been stolen away by my dad, Tyler, and Charlie’s dad, leaving me to spend time with my mom. We sat on her favorite garden seat, watching everyone in silence for a few minutes before she turned to me.

“He’s nice. I can see why you like him so much.” I looked at her, waiting. Eventually, I realized she wasn’t going to say it.

“But? I know there’s a but in there somewhere.”

“No, no but.” She was lying, I could tell by the way her voice was at least an octave higher than usual.

“Mom. You can be honest with me, I’m not gonna bite your head off.”

“I just worry you’re rushing things. At college everything so… intense, and you’re constantly aware of it ending, that you’ll be leaving that part of your life behind you one day. What then?”

“I-we-I…” I didn’t have a coherent answer for her. She wasn’t wrong, but she’d also always told me that college was supposed to be the best time of my life, so why wouldn’t I spend it with someone I not only enjoyed being with, but who I was attracted too at the same time?

“Honey, I’m not trying to make you question things, I just want you to remember who you are and what you want in life.”

“Well, I want to be with John for now. Isn’t that enough?”

“If it is for you, it is for me.” She pulled me in for a hug. I loved my mom, but she’d confused me with our conversation. “You do realize your dad’s going to pitch a fit when he realizes you’re sharing a room.”

I stared at her. I’d assumed my parents would make him sleep in the spare room.

“Wait, what?”

“Sweetheart, neither of us are stupid. We know how things are at college, and as long as you’re being safe, I can’t tell you what to do anymore.”

Before I could say anything, Megan came over to pull me away. Arm in arm, we walked to the end of the garden, away from the house. Well, she led me, I merely went along with it.

“What’s up?” I asked her. Usually, she was a lot like her brother, constantly moving and talking, but now she was quiet and subdued. “Meg, seriously. You’re making me worried.”

“Nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to get you on your own so we can talk about that gorgeous hunk you brought home.” Relief flooded through me and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Jesus Christ, you scared me.” We sat down on an old swing my dad had made when I was a kid and talked. She peppered me with questions about college, the guys, the parties, and most of all, about John. She was a senior in high school and couldn’t wait for her own college experience. She’d chosen to stay in Canada to study.

I answered all of her questions, but we were soon interrupted by our being called to finally get some food. I was starving and practically sprinted over to where my dad was piling food on a table laden with salad, fried, and all kinds of family favorites. As I loaded up my plate, John hovered next to me, doing the same.

“Oh, look what the cat dragged in.” Megan’s voice was loud, making me turn my head. Charlie was walking toward us, wearing his hiking gear grinning at us all. I put my plate down and ran at him, our usual greeting.

“Trust you to show when the food’s ready.” I grinned at him as we broke apart and went back to the table to retrieve my plate, pulling it out of Charlie’s reach as he tried to steal a rib. “Get your own, there’s plenty.”

“But we always share, Trouble.” I rolled my eyes.

“Not today, Gillespie. This is all mine, and I may even have seconds.” I stuck my tongue out at him. A throat clearing behind me reminded me John was still with me. “Oh hey, you can finally meet John.”

“Yeah, great to finally meet you, man.” Charlie shook my boyfriend’s hand, his smile still on his face, but I noticed it didn’t completely reach his eyes.

“You too.”

“Well, I’m hungry, catch up later?” As Charlie nodded, I led John away so others could help themselves, over to a table with my parents. Why had that been more awkward than I’d expected? As I sat down, I caught Megan watching me, a strange look on her face.

:: ::

As the sun began to set, and things began to wind down, I decided to take John for a walk around the neighborhood I grew up in. We left the house, hand in hand, and walked along the street, passing Charlie’s house. I averted my eyes from the building, not wanting to make John think my attention wasn’t all on him.

“It’s nice here, very calm.” He commented as we reached the end of the street. “I grew up in the city, and it never got this quiet.” When I looked up at him, he was smiling softly.

“Come on, there’s a great playground just up the road.” I led the way, tugging on his hand as a laugh escaped me.

As we sat on the swings, both of us swaying back and forth as the sun set around us, bathing the sky with a vibrant orange. It was my favorite part of the day, one that made me think back over what had happened and made me realize that a new day was coming, a new chance to experience life. Charlie and I had spent so much time as kids on these very swings at this time, reflecting on choices we’d made throughout the day.

At the thought of my best friend, a slight movement caught my eye. When I looked at the path leading to the gate of the play park, I could see a figure retreating. Despite not being able to see the person’s face, I knew it was him. His shoulders were hunched, and his hands were shoved into the pockets of his shorts. The sound of John’s camera taking photos distracted me and I looked away for a minute. When I looked back, my best friend was nowhere to be seen.

“Stop taking photos of me.” I groaned, knowing he wouldn’t.

“How can I? you’re the most beautiful thing around.” Standing, John walked over to me and took hold of the chains with side of me to still the movement of the swing. He stood between my legs and bent his head and captured my lips in a kiss that started off slow and soft, but soon turned heated.

Letting go of the chains, John managed to lift me off the swing, holding me against him. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and my arms around his neck. Slowly, he began to walk across the playground, only stopping when he reached the large wooden playhouse I’d played in as a kid.

Putting me on my feet and letting go, he removed the camera from around his neck and placed it in a safe place before climbing into the playhouse, removing his shirt and placing it on the wooden boards. When he looked over at me, his green eyes which were usually the color of spring grass were now the color of a lush, dark forest.

“What? Here? Are you trying to soil my childhood memories?”

“Totally, now come here before I have to take matters into my own hands.” He palmed the bulge in his shorts, locking eyes with me. With a laugh that was huskier than I’d ever sounded, I climbed in after him and straddled his thighs.

:: ::

Waking up at the crack of dawn, wrapped in John’s strong arms, in my childhood bedroom should have felt weird. But it didn’t. I was warm and content, but as we had a busy day planned, I couldn’t stay in our little cocoon. We had a camping trip to get ready for.

I crawled out of his arms and dived into the bathroom for a quick shower. By the time I emerged wrapped in a towel, John was sat up in my bed, scrolling on his phone.

“Come on you, we’re going camping. Up and at ‘em.” I was excited. It had been far too long since I’d been down to Fundy and I couldn’t wait to get on the road.

“Babe, it’s not even 6a.m.” He groaned.

“Yeah, and? Come on. Need to fuel up with a good breakfast.” I pulled on some clothes and left the room, skipping down the stairs. ‘My dad had always been an early riser, so it was no surprise to find him in the kitchen holding a steaming cup of coffee as he read a book at the breakfast bar.

“Morning daddy.” I kissed his cheek as I passed him to get to the coffee pot.

“Morning, sweetheart. Sleep well?” I could hear the unasked question behind his actual question.

“Yes, like a log. Stop worrying about me, I’m not a little girl anymore.”

“Don’t I know it. Please, just tell-”

“Dad. Nothing happened last night. And even if it had, I would be careful. I’m not an idiot.”

“Could have fooled me.” Tyler interrupted us, grinning when I gave him the finger.

“Stop picking on your sister. And you,” he looked at me, “put that finger down.”

I laughed as I sipped at my coffee before telling them I was going out to grab the camping gear.

“I’ll go and make sure Charlie and Megan are up and ready.” Tyle put his own cup down and left the kitchen. I froze on the spot I stood in

Shit. I didn’t realize he’d invited them.

“Everything okay?” Dad asked.

“Yeah, just trying to work out what we need.” I lied before flashing him a quick smile. I could hear John coming downstairs. “Please, no interrogation.” I hissed at my dad. He drew a cross over his heart as my boyfriend entered the kitchen, his hair damp from the shower.

“Morning, sir.” He greeted my dad.

“Please, John. Sir was my father. Call me Frank like everyone else.”

After giving John a quick kiss, I went out to the shed to gather up everything we’d need for a couple of days down in Fundy.

An hour later, Tyler and I had expertly packed up the trunk of my car and were just about to climb in when Charlie and Megan pulled up in Charlie’s car.

“Ready to rock and roll?” He called out of his window, a wide grin on his face.

“You know it. Last one there buys lunch.” I called out our usual challenge as I jumped into the driver’s seat, Tyler urging John in as Charlie pulled away with a screech. Within minutes, the doors were closed, the engine started, and we were on our way.

“Is she always this competitive?” John turned to face my brother in the back seat as I turned the radio on, looking for something to sing along to.

“Only with Charlie, so yes. Constantly. They can make a contest out of everything.” I rolled my eyes.

“No I don’t.”

“Sis, I love you, but you do. You and Charlie are a fucking nightmare at times.”

“You’re talking bullshit.” I tried to change the subject, but Tyler was on a roll.

“Remember that time you two tried to eat more popping candy than the other and you ended up barfing all over yourself?”

“Really? You bring that up? I was fifteen, Ty. And I’d drank about a gallon of soda. It was the gas.”

“Whatever. What about the time when you-” I cut him off.

“That’s enough. Babe, did you go camping much growing up?” I looked at John who had gone quiet. He was looking out of the window, and it took me tapping him on the knee to get his attention.

“Nah, not really. I’m a city boy, so we didn’t really do the whole ‘great outdoors’ thing.”

“Not even on vacation?” Tyler asked.

“Nah, we did Disney and Universal, stuff like that.”

“Well, you’re in for a treat. This is our favorite place on Earth and your camera’s gonna get a good workout.” I smiled at him as I intertwined our fingers as I drove.

:: ::

Thanks to my brother have the bladder the size of a pea and three cans of soda, we arrived at our usual camping ground over half an hour after Charlie and Megan. They’d already set up their tent and were waiting for us as if they didn’t have a care in the world, music drifting softly from the stereo in his car.

“Tyler potty breaks, again?” Charlie asked, laughing.

“He travels back with you.” I grumbled as I opened the trunk and began to drag our gear out. Instantly, Charlie was on his feet, unfolding the tents to put them up with Tyler’s help.

“What do you need me to do?” John asked me.

“Take those coolers of food and drinks over to Megan. She’s always in charge of that stuff, makes sure we don’t live off candy and chips.”

I couldn’t help but watch the muscles in his back as he lifted the two coolers out of the trunk. He wasn’t overly muscly, but his form was impressive. I stood back and admired him for a minute.

“Hey, Trouble. Give me a hand with this. Your brother’s still useless.” Charlie called out.

By the time the tents were all up, one for Tyler, and one for me and John, we were all starving.

“Hey, losers. You owe us lunch.” Charlie called out, giving his sister a high five.

“Let me just get changed, and we’ll go.” In the middle of the camping ground was a café that served some of the best food. I ducked into the tent and changed my shirt and jeans for a bikini top and denim shorts. As I emerged from the small space, I pulled one of Charlie’s old cut off shirts over my head. “Right, let’s go and introduce John to poutine.

“What?”

“Oh, man. It’s the best.” Tyler slapped him on the back as he led the way. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Charlie watch as John took hold of my hand.

:: ::

The sun was setting and the five of us were sitting around a campfire. Charlie had his guitar and he and Megan were singing some of their favorite songs. As always, I was blown away by their talent and how well their voices blended together. I’d always been a bit jealous of how musical the Gillespie family was. All of them sang, played instruments, and dance – well Charlie didn’t that well, but he always gave his all when his sister dragged him into it.

John sat next to me, his camera lifted up to his face as he took photo after photo, something he’d been doing all day. He’d told me he’d been blown away by the beauty of the place and that gave me a warm feeling, being able to share one of my favorite places with him.

“Hey, Trouble. Your turn.” Charlie handed me the guitar.

“Not tonight, Gillespie.” I was exhausted and it had been far too long since I’d played or sang. I knew I was never going to sound as good as him and Megan; I rarely did.

“Nope, you’re not getting out of it. Come on, you know you wanna.” He was egging me on, and knew I’d give in eventually.

“Come on, it’s tradition.” Megan joined in with the cajoling as Tyler called out his two cents worth. With a sigh, I took the guitar from Charlie and propped it on my knee.

“Any requests?” I asked.

“Under the Bridge.” The Red Hot Chili Peppers song was one of my favorites and I loved singing it.

“I didn’t know you played.” John sounded surprised.

“Yeah, Charlie taught me a few years ago. It’s been a while though and I’m rusty as hell because I never got my own guitar.” I ran my fingers down the strings before making myself a bit more comfortable. “Hey, you got a spare pick?” I asked Charlie. He reached into the pocket on the front of his soft guitar case before leaning over to hand me the small piece of plastic. I couldn’t help but laugh at the poop emoji design on it. I’d ordered him a bunch of them as part of his birthday present the previous year.

I ran through the song in my mind reminding me of the lyrics and chords before I began to play.

Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner

Sometimes I feel like my only friend

Is the city I live in, the city of angels

Lonely as I am, together we cry

I drive on her streets 'cause she's my companion

I walk through her hills 'cause she knows who I am

She sees my good deeds and she kisses me windy

Well, I never worry, now that is a lie

As I expected, Charlie joined in on the bridge, harmonizing with me. We’d always sang this song together. It had become a bit of a tradition at gatherings with our families and friends. As always when we sang together, Charlie and I locked eyes, a small smile on his face made me smile back as we sang. There was a connection between us when we sang, one that had been there from the day we became friends.

I don't ever wanna feel

Like I did that day

Take me to the place I love

Take me all the way

I don't ever wanna feel

Like I did that day

Take me to the place I love

Take me all the way

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Finally, the song came to an end and silence filled the air around us. Without saying anything, I handed the guitar and pick back to Charlie without looking at him. I leaned over, picked up my bottle of beer, and drained the last of it. For some reason, a weird feeling had come over me while we’d sung, and I didn’t know how to read it. In the end, I decided to ignore it and escape into my tent.

“I’m tired guys. I’m gonna turn in.” As I faked a yawn, I didn’t bother waiting for a response as I stood up, dropped the bottle in a trash bag, gave John a quick kiss, and crawled into my tent. As I stripped out of my hoodie and sweats and crawled into my sleep bag, Megan stuck her head through the flap.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just tired. It’s been a long day.” It hadn’t really, and she knew it hadn’t. We hadn’t done anything different to what we would normally in Fundy.

“Okay…”

“I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Sure. Night.” With a small smile she disappeared from the opening of the tent, leaving me to settle down and try to get to sleep.

I was still wide awake when John crawled into the tent an hour or so later. He tried not to make too much noise as he stripped down to his boxers before getting into his own sleeping bag. The lamp hanging from the tent roof was turned on low, just about lighting up the space around us.

“Hey.” I kept my voice low, knowing from experience how the sound travelled at night.

“Hey.” He repeated as I turned to face him, propping myself up on one elbow.

“Have you had a good day?”

“It’s been great. I can see why you guys love it out here.

“Yeah, it’s great. We’re lucky having all this pretty much on our doorstep. I couldn’t imagine not being able to get out here. I bet you got some great shots.”

“I did. I can’t wait to get back and start editing them. Some should work well for school too.”

“Hey,” I dropped my voice even lower. “Wanna join the bags together and… snuggle?” I waggled my eyebrows at him in the dim lighting, making him smile softly.

“Not tonight. I’m so tired after all the hiking and swimming you guys made me do today.” He turned his head to look at me. “That okay?”

“Of course.” I leaned over and kissed him before getting comfortable again against his solid form. This time, I did fall asleep.

:: ::

When I woke up, the light was bright around me, despite being inside the tent. I was also alone. Sitting up, I wiped the sleep from my eyes and crawled out of the tent. John was sitting on his own, a cup of coffee cradled between his hands.

“Morning.” I press a kiss to his cheek as I sit down.

“Aren’t you cold?” he asks, looking at my bare legs. I’m still only in t-shirt I slept in.

“Not at all. It’s not that cold.” I chuckle as I pour myself a coffee. There’s a slight hint of steam in front of my face as I speak.

“It’s freezing, babe.”

“I’m Canadian, remember. This is a gorgeous spring morning.” I lean over and give him another kiss, this time it’s more than a simple and perfunctory peck. John’s hand cups the back of my head, his fingers tangling in my hair. When we pull apart, I notice he’s breathing a little heavier than he was before and it makes me grin.

“You’re crazy.”

“You ain’t seen nothing yet.” Tyler’s voice surprises the both of us. When I turn, he’s standing over us, smirking at me.

“Uh… why am I suddenly nervous?” John asks my brother. They seem to have gotten on really well which pleases me. Tyler tipped me out of my seat before making himself comfortable in my place. Glaring at him, I moved around and sat on John’s lap.

“How are you with heights?” Tyler asks.

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

“How do you feel about deep water?”

I knew where this was going, so I decided to go and grab a shower in the shower block. As I ducked into the tent, I heard John exclaim.

“She does what?”

“Yeah, she and Charlie cliff dive.” I turned to look at John and laughed at the look of horror on his face. “It started out as a dare, of course, and now they do it every time we’re here.”

Leaving the two of them talking, I grab my washbag and take a walk over to the block of showers. Thankfully, there isn’t much of a queue and I’m able to snag one pretty quickly. The water’s not exactly hot, which means I don’t dawdle as I wash. Eventually, I emerge fully dressed, a towel wrapped around my hair and almost bump into Charlie.

“Woah, hey. You’re up late.” He commented, steadying me so I wouldn’t fall over.

“Not really.” It was barely 8 a.m., which to Charlie was practically a lie in. “I was up before you.”

“Nope. I was up at sunrise and went for a walk.” I rolled my eyes.

“Of course you were.”

“Are you heading back?”

“Yeah, I want to get ready for the cliffs.” I grinned at him. He fell into step beside me, and we walked back to the tents together.

“Remember that time you pushed me before I was ready, and I belly flopped so hard?”

“Oh my God, you screamed like a little girl who got a pony for her birthday. It was hilarious.”

“It also hurt like a fucking bitch.”

Charlie and I approached our tents, laughing to find John, Tyler, and Megan watching us as if we’d lost our minds.

“Who’s ready for the cliffs?” I asked, wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes. The memory of Charlie screaming lived in my head, rent free, and I couldn’t not laugh about it.

“Uh…” John looked nervous. After throwing my washbag into the tent, I bounced over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Charlie turn his back and crawl into the tent he shared with his sister.

“No need to be nervous. You don’t have to dive if you don’t want to, just stay near the top, take photos, and enjoy the view. It’s all Megan and Ty do, because they’re both massive chickens.” As I spoke, I looked over at my brother who was flipping me off. “Don’t decide now. See how you feel nearer the time.”

Once we were at the cliffs, Megan spread out a blanket and sat down, a book in her hand. Tyler joined her, scrolling through his phone. John and I stood at the edge of the cliff, looking down into the ocean. We were nowhere near the top, as over the years we’d worked out this was the best place for jumping into the water without it taking an age to get back, but it was high enough to get my blood pumping.

“Yeah… I think I’ll sit this one out.” Moving back, John joined Tyler and Meghan, but remained standing, his camera at the ready. I moved back a little but stayed fairly close to the edge so I could get ready.

“Gillespie?” I called out my challenge as I stripped out of my shorts and tank tops, kicking my sandals off, revealing a mismatched bikini. Behind me, I heard a sharp intake of breath and turned to grin at John, but he had his back to me and was taking photos of the view.

A roar sounded and Charlie ran past me, launching himself off the edge of the cliffs. He ‘battle cry’ could be heard the entire way down until it was broken off by a splash.

With a grin on my face, I followed, dipping myself forward into a dive. I cut through the water, plunging deep before arcing up to break the surface.

“Show off.” Charlie called out as he tread the water.

“Of course. I need to make you look bad at something.” I swam over to him, taking hold of his hand and pulling him back to shore so we could start the climb back to where the others waited. There was a lot of pushing and shoving between the two of us as we made out way, and when we finally reached them, I was out of breath from laughing so much. Charlie’s arm was slung over my shoulder as he struggled to keep himself upright.

“Then you just whipped your top off and jumped.” He was howling with laughter. “That’s why we’ve never given you tequila since.”

I gave him a friendly shove.

“It wasn’t just the tequila, and you know it Gillespie. We hadn’t eaten all day, then you pulled out Jose and it was game over.” He grabbed me around the waits and walked toward the edge, as if he was going to throw me. Admittedly, if he did, it wouldn’t have been the first time. I screamed at him to put me down, hearing my brother and Megan laughing. Eventually, he did as I asked before diving off the edge again, this time executing an almost perfect dive. “Asshole.” I muttered as I grabbed a towel to wrap around my waist.

It wasn’t until I sat down next to him, that I realized John was very quiet and was scrolling through his phone.

:: ::

Arriving back at my house early evening, I was ready for a hot shower and my own bed. Tyler ducked into the house while John and I unloaded the trunk and stored the camping gear back where it belonged. He’d slept for most of the trip back, and I could tell something was bothering him.

After having dinner with my parents, John excused himself to try and get some sleep. It had been a pretty full on couple of days, but not enough to wipe him out. After a few minutes, I decided to go and check on him. I didn’t want him getting sick or something.

When I got to my room, I was surprised to find him packing his stuff into his bag.

“Hey, what’s going on?” He clearly hadn’t expected me to come upstairs and my voice made him jump even though I hadn’t spoken particularly loudly.

“I’m heading back to my dorm.” I moved into my room, closing the door behind me. When I reached up to touch his shoulder, he flinched away from me.

“Woah. Why?”

“Look, I can’t play second best. I really like you, but it’s very clear that your heart lies elsewhere.”

“John, babe. I have no idea what you’re talking about here.” I put my hand on his arm, trying to get him to turn and face me. Eventually he did, sinking onto the edge of my bed.

“Look, we’ve been having fun, right?” I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. “Neither of us expected anything serious, and while I thought I might have been falling for you, the past few days have made me realize you could never feel the same way about me.”

“W-w-what?”

When John looked up at me, meeting my eyes with his gorgeous green ones, there was no sadness in them. There was only what I could describe as an acceptance of some sort. It confused the hell out of me.

“I know you tell everyone he’s your best friend, but it’s obvious to everyone who spends any kind of time with the two of you that you’re both head over heels for the other.”

I couldn’t help it, but I burst out laughing.

“Me and Charlie? No way. You’ve got it all wrong, believe me.”

“See, you say that, and I think on the surface that you believe it, but deep down… I’m a photographer. I literally look at details of the things around me all the time, and there’s no mistaking there’s something going on between the two of you. It’s just taking both of you some time to realize it; although, I think Charlie might be there already. He’s crazy jealous of me.” A snort escaped me before I could stop it. “I’m serious. Whenever we were together the past few days, he either turned his back, walked away, or interrupted us. You may see him as your best friend, but he’s in love with you. And I can’t compete with that.”

Standing back up, John finished packing his stuff, telling me he had a train booked in an hour. Knowing I wasn’t going to change his mind, I offered him a ride to the station, but he refused saying he’d book an uber.

Rather than watch him leave, I went out into the garden and sat on the swing. I’d never had a breakup, so I had nothing to compare it to, but I didn’t feel as sad as I expected to. In the movies, girls lay in their beds for days on end with messy hair and mascara running down their faces until their friends ran an intervention. Yeah, I was sad that John had broken up with me, but it felt like I was losing a friend more than a boyfriend. Even if the reasoning was ludicrous. There was no way on Earth Charlie Gillespie, the guy all the girls wanted, was in love with me. Sure, I knew he loved me – we were best friends, but that was it.

As the sun set around me, I finally made my way inside. I could hear the TV playing in the lounge, but didn’t feel like being pitied by my family, so I made my way up to my bedroom. When I was there, it felt empty without John’s big, solid frame. He’d only been here two days, but he’d made an impression on my space.

Not sure what to do with myself, I sat on my bed, hearing a crinkle. There was an envelope on my pillow.

I’m sorry it ended like this, but you need to know and understand that I don’t hate you – just in case you were wondering. Yeah, I’m upset, but I’m a big boy and I’ll get over it, and when I do, I hope we can still be friends. I honestly love spending time with you, and meeting your family was great.

I know you didn’t believe me when I told you about Charlie, but I hope these prove it to you.

See you soon, John.

Inside the envelopes were a couple of polaroid photos. I’d forgotten he’d brought his along with his big one. We’d all taken turns taking silly shots of one another, shaking them as they developed around the campfire we’d had.

The first was me holding Charlie’s guitar. I was clearly singing, looking at him, but there was something in the way I looked at my best friend. A softness to my face that could only be interpreted as affection – unsurprising, considering how much he meant to me, how much we meant to one another.

The second, was after our first jump at the cliffs. We were walking toward the camera, arms wrapped around one another, laughing. If it was anyone else, I would say it was quite an intimate photo, but it was me and Charlie. We were always like that, always touching, always laughing.

Putting the letter and photos on my desk, I lay back on my bed. I was confused as hell and didn’t know what to think or who to talk to.

As if summoned, my phone began to ring, Lena’s name flashing on the screen. When I answered, she didn’t bother with a greeting.

“So, when are you and pretty boy getting it on?”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“John text me, told me what happened, said you might need someone to talk to. He finally saw what I saw.”

“And what did you see?”

“You and Charlie boy. All the feels.”

“Lena, there are no feels. We’re friends, best friends.”

“Honey, I know you’re a bit blind to the fact that that boy is crazy in love with you, probably has been for years, and you…”

“I what?”

“You look at him like he hung the moon. I don’t look at my best friend like that. I know it’s a lot to take in, but think about it, logically. Try to look at your relationship the way an outsider would, then tell me you’re not gonna end up ridiculously happy, living in some gorgeous apartment somewhere, surrounded by gorgeous babies.”

“And what if I come to the realization he’s just my friend?”

“Then I would say you’re blind as fuck. Look, I gotta go, my nanna’s lethal at dominoes, so I gotta make sure she doesn’t cheat. I’ll see you in a few days.” Lena ended the call. I was no clearer on the situation I had been before we’d spoken, but I least I had something to do.

Could everyone be right, and I was wrong? I loved Charlie, adored him, but I wasn’t in love with him. We were friends, the best, and that was all. Wasn’t it? I was pretty sure it was for me.

I needed air. I made my way back downstairs, grabbing my car keys from the side unit and went outside. It was late, but maybe a drive would help. As I unlocked my car, I heard my name being called. Turning, I saw Charlie jogging over to me.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“I just need to clear my head.”

“Where’s the big man.” Something flashed in his eyes as he asked about John. I tried not to read too much into it, but if I didn’t know better, it looked like jealousy. I gave myself a mental slap around the back of the head for projecting John and Lena’s words onto myself.

“He left. Went back to campus. We’re over.” Immediately, Charlie’s arms were wrapped around me and I was pulled in tight against his chest. My senses were overwhelmed by the feel of him, the sound of his heartbeat, and the scent of him. It was too much and I pulled away.

“Are you okay? I know you liked him.”

“Yeah, I’m good. It wasn’t that serious.”

“Serious enough to sleep with him.” An undertone of something I couldn’t work  out laced his voice.

“Charles. I wasn’t a virgin when I met John. I may not have had any serious relationships, or relationships in any capacity, but I wasn’t innocent. Just the way you’re not, so don’t pull that bullshit with me.”

Boys at high school may have been wary of Charlie, but he wasn’t around at college when I discovered meaningless one night stands weren’t for me.

“I’m sorry. I just don’t want to see you hurting.”

“I’m not. Maybe I should be more upset, but I can’t fake it.”

“You sound upset.” I looked up at him, stepping back slightly to move closer to my car. “I don’t like it when you’re upset, even when you don’t think you are, like that time when-”

“Look, I’m not here for a trip down memory lane. I want to go for a drive. Talk tomorrow?”

“Sure.” He turned to walk away an I pulled open the driver’s side door. Before I could sink into the seat, I was spun around. Charlie had hold of my wrist in one hand, but it was a gentle hold. He slammed the door and walked toward me. Nerves took over me and I back away from him, my back hitting the car behind me.

When he let go of my wrist, he placed his hands either side of me, resting against the cool metal of my car. Swallowing, I locked eyes with him, feeling very unsure of myself. I opened my mouth to ask him what was happening but didn’t manage the words before he crashed his lips against mine.

.

.

.

.

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Tagging: 

@dream-a-little-bigger-x @calamitykaty @crybabyddl @morganayennefertyrell​ @lovesanimals​ @sunsetcurvenotsunsetswerve @echocharm17618 @kinda-really-lost @n0wornever @all-in-fangirl @kcd15 @charliesmountains @amazinggracy @happinessinthedarkesttimes @xplrreylo @5sosmukefan

[dawn-of-tomorrow]

shoutout to @punishing-gray-raven-ocs for this ask game!! (didin't expect to be tagged with one so soon lolol but i'm overjoyed~~ ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡❤️❤️)

1) What made you even think of trying Punishing Gray Raven? What made you stick with it?

Funny story actually-- I've long heard about PGR, way back when it was first released even, but I just didn't give it a chance back then mainly because it was in CN and I couldn't understand shit (rather ironic given how I am now lmao).

As for why I decided fairly recently, a couple of months give or take, to give PGR a shot? It's mainly due to the fact that I heard that the Global version would be out very soon, so I thought why not dive into what I've missed so far... not knowing that I'd become THIS obsessed with the game, aha~.

The most obvious thing that made me stick to this game are the interesting cast of characters, the "fun" story, the amazing yet simple game mechanics, and etc. etc.

2) What problems, if any, do you have with PGR?

Honestly speaking, the thing that most VEXES me at the moment about PGR, specifically PGR Global, is the wonky translations. It feels like a group of half-assed fan translators and one official translator who's not doing a good enough job with reigning everyone in instead of feeling like a group of professional translators who know what they're doing. Hell, I've seen better translations from some of my twitter mutuals!

3) Who is your favorite Construct, and why?

Lee. There's no question about it, Lee is my most favorite Construct at the moment (and forever perhaps ohoho~). As for why, god, hold that mic for a bit, I'm gonna go on a fucking rant. Ehem.

First of all, let's start with the most basic of things, like his appearances; As Palefire, he looks like this suave, very aloof, super serious, unapproachable, and "gets shit done efficiently" type of person, and while that description certainly isn't wrong, it's also hiding more layers of Lee's overall personality; as Entropy, he certainly looks and feels bit more casual than before, along with feeling somewhat more, even if a tiny bit, more honest with his feelings and easier to approach than before.

Despite being a serious, no-nonsense, grumpy guy, he's prone to occasionally quip and snark at anyone at their own expense especially if they get on his nerves (see his interactions with Kamui, not even the Commandant is spared from this!). He's also not as cold and distant as he may come across, given that, early on, he quite literally jumps in front of Liv to take a hit that was meant for her with absolutely no hesitation whatsoever, he's almost always the first person to make comments on the Commandant's state as well as express his undiluted feelings (though not without hiding it on occasion behind anger/annoyance, thus making it a case of "anger born from worry").

You can also easily tell if you pay close enough attention to his dialogue and actions that he's not good with expressing his true feelings even to the people he cares about (thankfully Murray, Skk, Lucia, Liv, Kamui, etc. can usually pick up on what he really wants to say), is the type to often be misunderstood due to him being the kind of person who believes in "actions speak louder than words", that he's used to taking care of others instead of prioritizing himself even to his own detriment; while making it clear that he prefers to think and act in a logical and practical manner, he's not exempt to having emotions/feelings, as such, he can be pretty empathetic towards other people even if he doesn't look like it (he's even the first one in the Gray Raven squad to point out WHY EXACTLY the people they come across in Echo Aria refuse to leave their homes even with high risk of the Red Tide washing everything away, and fully understanding as well as getting it).

Alrighty I'm gonna cut that segment short now before this becomes too long for anyone to read through, ehe~!

4) What made you think of designing PGR OCs, instead of making yourself into a self-insert?

.... Actually, truth be told, both of my Skks are, in some way, self-inserts~. It's just that they start out as one before eventually developing into their own characters with only hints/traces of their self-insert origin. Though my Construct OCs are definitely not self-inserts, that much I can certainly say so!

I made them mainly because I really enjoyed the official cast so much I wanted to make characters that would get to interact with them somehow, though I take great care in making sure they aren't TOO out of character with how they're canonically portrayed.

5) What's your thought process behind creating your OCs?

Honestly, it usually starts of something like this--

"lol wouldn't it be funny if I made this type of character? Oooh, what if they interacted with this character? Or this character? Or that character? Let's see, what's missing... Backstory and profile, check. Appearance, I'll sketch one in a bit. Hmmm... I know! *drowns the OC in mountains load of angst*"

6) What's your favorite chapter from the main story?

If I'm limited to talking only about the main chapters currently released on Global then it would have to be Fallen Star, mainly because it's Watanabe's time to shine~. (*´∀｀*)

However, if we were to look at the overall chapters, then, I would have to say Imprisoned Sight.

7) What do you think of the new Liv shown in the latest stream? Where do you think the story is going with her? What do you think happened to Gray Raven?

With Liv, I have a really bad and somber feeling about what Kuro Game has in store for her, given how she looks almost complete different than what she's looked so far, as well as the vibe her new look gives off.

Fuck, I wouldn't be surprised if they decided to thanos snap her memories away as well like they did with Lucia, or worse, infect her with the Punishing and turn her into an actual enemy (for a while before we get her back).

As for Gray Raven, considering what happened at the end of Evernight Beat, wherein the Skk is in a fucking coma with a chunk of the Mother Structure lodged in their abdomen, while Lee and Lucia are in repairs along with Liv, and, if I recall correctly, the Merciful One managed to reach Babylonia and is now onboard the space station as well-- I have a feeling that the despairing Liv will be approached by her and be given a new frame.

8) Have you seen the animated shorts? What do you think of them?

If you're talking about the Panini anime then yes, I've watched them already! Still ripping my insides open from laughter everytime I watch them lol. Favorite episode has got to be the toilet episode, next to that would be the episode where Chrome takes Kamui to Karenina and Liv for training.

9) So do Constructs eat or not? (I'm really confused, especially since I saw Karenina sipping a drink in one of the shorts)

Oh they most certainly can! Fuck, it's even explicitly stated that Camu likes to eat and sample foods whenever he can (revealed in his secrets, as well as his affection stories).

As Camu explains, while they don't get nutrients from human food, they most certainly can still enjoy them and use them as a type of fuel.

10) Do you think Kamui and/or Camu will be a really pivotal plot device at some point, considering how the information on Kamui is so top secret?

Hmmmm.... unless the story at that point is revolving around Kurono Ops and how shady they're being, then personally speaking, the chances are slim.

11) Do you think, at any point, any of the Gray Ravens will die off?

Naaaaaah. They won't do that. Sure, they TECHNICALLY killed off Lucia, but she's still "alive" in a sense, so it both counts and doesn't count.

Besides, sometimes death isn't the worse thing you can inflict on someone/a character~.

12) Who is your least favorite Construct, and why?

I don't really hate/dislike any of the Constructs if I'm being honest. Though I hate how shitty of a unit Sophia is, and that it's kinda pitiful that she's become even more useless now that the new S-Liv is here; but I am in no way saying you should stop using her, keep using Sophia if you really like her! It's your choice after all, and I'm not about to contest you on that part, after all, everyone's enjoyment is subjective.

13) What part of PGR's lore really holds your attention?

The part of the lore that really holds my attention are the characters, and seeing how they react and act to the situations happening to and around them, especially concerning the Punishing and forces out of their control~.