#or anyone who forgot how much I love this show

[nerdasaurus1200]

It took WAY too long to do this but I’m finally doing an analysis of Hunter regaining control against Belos! Arguably one of his best scenes in the entire show.

I honestly forgot just how chilling Belos’s expression is here as he drains Flapjack’s energy. This is just pure wickedness; in his mind he’s probably killing three birds with one stone (or one hand in this case). He gets to punish Hunter, he gets to finally “erase” Evelyn’s memory, and he gets to fuel himself for the first time in months.

And god, poor Hunter, when starts to regain control he is HORRIFIED by what he’s just done. You can tell this is really a breaking point for Hunter, he loves Flapjack so much that Belos hurting him was enough to get Hunter to fight back. A really interesting thing I just noticed upon rewatching it is how the hands actually reflect both Belos and Hunter. The right hand, Belos, is more monstrous while the left hand is more human. Which is honestly genius cause for a long time right handedness was seen as more holy and pure but in this case it’s a subversion of that. The “demonic” hand is stopping the “holy” hand from causing more harm.

Which makes the following struggle hurt even more cause look

That’s Hunter’s side, the hand he has control over. He’s punching his own body in a desperate attempt to get Belos out of it.

And the look on Hunter’s face. The poor boy is clearly in so much shock trying to reclaim his own body. It’s taking a really heavy toll on him both mentally and physically.

“You know what I’d like Belos?”

But then ooooh, the righteous rage, the conviction and yet the softness as Hunter finally speaks up. The million dollar question that Belos never cared about, but it almost doesn’t matter. Because Hunter is in control now and for once Belos is the one who’s gonna shut up and listen.

And Hunter begins to tell Belos off. Because despite how taxing this must be for him, he still has a mission. He knows he has to get rid of the titan’s blood so Belos won’t win, because for Flapjack’s sake and for his sake and for Caleb’s sake Belos CAN’T win. It’s interesting how Hunter makes a point about mentioning the throne room, it makes me think that most if not all his trauma took place there. Witnessing Belos’s tantrums and even being on the recieving end of them sometimes if that scar is anything to go by.

And as Hunter continues it takes a more simple and rebellious turn. Deep down now all Hunter wants is to just be a normal teenager. He wants to learn the things he’s never been allowed to, he wants to play, he wants to spend time with his friends. There’s no way he doesn’t know how much this pisses Belos off cause it goes against everything he’s been trying to do for Hunter. For each Grimwalker before him Belos has tried so hard to keep them isolated from people and fearful of wild magic, keep them under his thumb. But not Hunter. No, Hunter will be the one to survive. He’ll be the Grimwalker that gets to do all those things and actually live a life of his own.

And this part actually breaks my heart the most as Hunter says his final request and goes for the Titan’s Blood. I think the scar growing on his face is actually fully Belos, trying to either regain control or “punish” Hunter for his “insolence”.

And another thing that’s heartbreaking is Hunter’s selflessness within it. Cause he doesn’t wanna make sure he’s not hurt anymore, it’s deeper than that. He doesn’t want anyone to be hurt by Belos anymore, he’s just encompassing himself into anyone. Cause at the and of the day that’s where Hunter differs from Belos, he genuinely wants to help people for the greater good.

[kit-williams]

Yandere Sanguinius and yandere Ferrus?

I was given Easy mode Primarch and fuckin Soulsborn NG+ Primarch

Ferrus is 100% thanks to @bispecsual because I had literally nothing

Yandere Sanguinius To catch the eye of the angel of Baal was a feat many would dream to have but knowing what you know... you'd hardly wish it upon your worst enemies. He is kind... he is sweet... but there is a wrath that dances just behind his eyes. The gentle coo that leaves his lips as a room is painted red with limbs and viscera and not a drop upon you. Though should blood touch you... it is because the Red angel willed it.

He was certainly kind... he was certainly sweet... he was certainly thoughtful... but there was something few forgot about the Angel.... he always got his mission done... many wish to sing the praises of peaceful compliance... but you've had to bear first hand the utter annihilation... the blood soaked wings... and iron mixing with his blonde hair turning it a blood red, and his skin stained for days from the blood.

You are his gem... his beloved... whom he and his sons cherish and adore! Even if you try to pull away nothing can pull you far away enough from him you always snap back to him because who wants to believe the angelic lord of blood is a monster? No one. Even if he does not hurt you... anyone else is fair game for the Sanguine Lord and his devoted sons... your monstrous step children... no one will save you from this outward fairytale.

Yandere Ferrus His hand runs over the pod as there she has been for over 150 years... Ferrus feels some guilt over what he has done... but she is all he has as he presses his forehead against the glass coffin. She looks so peaceful and so etheral as she just lays there unaware of how the galaxy marches on without her. But Ferrus knows... he is here... he will always be here for her... his hand brushes against the pod.

She is locked away within his secret workshop with plans on how to remove the metal on his arms... he wants to feel that feathery touch she did on his hand just reading his palm, the way the corners of her eyes wrinkle in joy as she tells him that he'll have a long life. He remembers the way her fingers caressed the seam of his arms and it drove Ferrus to the limit.

He had asked her bluntly if she was willing to extend her life... and she had only said if he ordered her too... Ferrus could not force his will on her... even if he could just crush the life out of her... he could order her to live longer... to be with him! WHY was he cursed with her showing up at the START of the Crusade. And he had to meet her... she had to charm him with her humanity.

He remembers how fast her heart was beating as she laid on his bed naked as he allowed himself one concession... he loved her that night... he can still smell her... still hear her pleasured screams as his hips rocked against hers. He couldn't wait to explore her body with his actual hands... its why he injected her as she laid on his bed blissed out and put her where she is now. He worked on it lovingly for her... as for her... the last memories she has was herself under him screaming in that pleasured haze.

He kisses the glass. Smiling to himself as it wouldn't be much longer...

@egrets-not-regrets @moodymisty @bleedingichorhearts @liar-anubiass-blog

@thevoidscreams @barn-anon @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan

[gooseloverfiction]

Crimson Rush

Colt Seavers x afab!reader +18

It was supposed to be 'chill with some drinks' type of the evening, but nothing is ever so simple with you two...

Warnings: bit of violence, blood, wound... Some blood kink? Or just *urge to lick that bit on your sexy bf*, other than that smuuuut, piv, no protection, fluff and some Colt's goofiness (?)

AN: All thanks to one comment of @bluehody at bts photos from Man's Health mag

Word count: 2508

You really needed that. 

The bar, drinks and karaoke. 

And Colt… 

He was late as always, steaming hot after some run for a few blocks when shots took longer than he anticipated. But he still showed up as he promised. You had to give him that, he would move heaven and earth to get to his date. 

It was almost perfect. 

Except for the bunch of a-holes who wouldn't stop screaming to microphones, some bachelor party going into a mess, ruining your mood as you finally get your hectic schedules aligned for that one outing to have some fun. And you couldn't even sing. 

You downed your drink with a loud gulp, making Colt side-eye you with raised brow. 

“Slow down cowboy, we still have the whole night ahead.”

You rolled your eyes and mumbled something under your breath, showing to the bartender that you wanted the same drink again. 

The warm, scratched hand caught your knee and rubbed soothing circles through the fabric of your jeans. He turned you on the barstool to face him and used his thumb to collect a single, orange drop from the corner of your mouth. You're suddenly too painfully aware you're in public, because you would definitely catch this finger with your lips and suck it, watching Colt's blissful face.

“Don't make those eyes, please…,” he leaned closer to you but it was too loud anyway for anyone to listen. 

“What eyes?” your voice was far from innocent, when your lips ghosted his. 

“OI GIRL, YOU CAN DO MUCH BETTER!”

You looked behind your man and saw drunk guys making some obscene gestures towards you. Colt wanted to turn around and see what it was about but you caught his stubbled chin, pulling him into a hot kiss. With the other hand you showed those guys international sign to fuck themselves and forgot about them once the eager tongue snaked into your mouth, making both of you moan.

Awful noise around you silenced and you managed to pry yourself from Colt much to his disappointment and almost run toward the microphones. Once on the ground, you knew he was right, you definitely went too hard and too fast on those drinks, your world suddenly spinning. 

But before you could entangle yourself in cables around, a strong arm steadied you and the familiar scent made you weak in knees for a moment. When you looked at him, he had his goofy smile plastered to his face, his eyes showing the same amount of affection and drunkenness tho you had to admit he often had this dazed gaze when around you. Drunk with love, as he always said… how cheesy he could be. Colt definitely watched too many romantic comedies. 

“What do you want to sing?” 

You looked at the monitor he rolled in front of you and squinted your eyes. Your finger pushed the list up and a wide grin was instantly on your face. 

“No… Come on… You know how terrible I sing,” he tried to leave you on a tiny stage but your grip on his leather jacket stopped him. 

“Come on baby, no one can sing here. And it's not true, I like your sweet falsetto,” you kissed the tip of his nose and made him huff. 

“You're not making it better,” he growled into your ear sending goosebumps down your neck. 

Using your ultimate weapon, The Pout, made him finally push the play button and grab the microphone. 

A familiar tune started, making you want to snap your fingers to it until Colt's part came, a bit too sudden for him but he quickly caught the tempo. 

“I got chills, they're multiplying

And I'm losing control

'Cause the power you're supplying

It's electrifying (electrifying)” 

You couldn't not break into a laugh for his high pitched voice trying to sound like John Travolta. 

“You better shape up

'Cause I need a man

And my heart is set on you

You better shape up

You better understand

To my heart I must be true”

Colt made a hurt face, flexing his broad shoulders and wordlessly showing his all muscled up stuntman body. You slapped him as he made you break a few notes and he almost forgot to jump into the last line, “Nothin' left, nothin' left for me to do.” 

With the chorus you both were so invested, you didn't hear any commotion except for music around you. 

“You're the one that I want (you are the one I want)

Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey

The one that I want (you are the one I want)

Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey”

Someone stood in front of you, making your voice falter. 

“Oi, cut that crap, give us those mics, we will show you how real men sing.”

The song still played but you stopped and looked at the same assholes from earlier with what you hoped was fearless anger. 

“Oh yeah? And how do you know how real men sing?”

You could hear Colt groan behind you, knowing you were in a ‘making troubles’ mood. 

“Listen bitch…” one of them started but quickly stopped when the stuntman caught his shirt and shook him. 

“What did you say to that lady?” his voice was almost a low growl, making your stomach drop… Not only because of the sense of oncoming fight. Colt was a walking epitome of peacemaker and hardly ever turned into any kind of violence, but God he looked hot like that. 

And then the chaos broke… 

You couldn't even see the fist coming from Colt's left side, only when he ducked and made the punching guy hit his fellow, who was still in your man's grasp. 

Stuntman moved back, turning his body to shield you, pushing you in at the right moment, when the third drunk roared and ran into him, slamming his body into a wall. Colt gut punched him and tried to get away from the attacker, circling him in some almost like dance move. Before the guy could turn, the kick in his ass sent him to the wall and the ground. 

“Guys, guys! It's delicate equipment!” you've heard the bartender's pleading voice and shout to Colt when one of the men picked up the microphone and swung with it. He dropped at the last moment and made the guy tangle in the cables and fall… 

A hard knock to his forehead made Colt stumble to the back, not getting exactly where it came from but before he could take another blow, you screamed and punched the man holding a heavy ashtray, square into his jaw, just like Colt taught you, sending him to the ground. 

You turned to your man swaying on his feet, catching his open jacket and jeans shirt under it, pulling him into an embrace. 

“God Colt, that looks awful…” blood trickled from his busted brow, caught up in his short beard. 

“You were amazing,” he smiled and let you move him toward your seats. 

You called for the bartender and asked for some clean cloth and he reluctantly brought one from the back and looked at you with narrowed eyes. 

“Now pay up and leave before I call the cops… And don't come back…” his tone was more of a pleading but you still huffed in amusement. They're the ones who started it all! 

Colt already put the bill, with some extra ‘for a trouble’, on the counter and headed for the door, pushing balled material into his throbbing head. 

You whisked the keys from his pocket and he didn't protest, going right to the passenger seat in his truck. 

---------------------------------------------------------

“What if it's a concussion?”

“I'll be fine. This is made of concrete,” Colt knocked on his head, wincing with pain. 

"Concrete my ass…” you mumbled and piled off his jacket, his shirt and reached for his already blood dirty, formerly white t-shirt. 

“I'm sorry, did I miss the moment where it was my fault?” the man asked with a silly smile. He always found you adorable when you were so frustrated and annoyed. 

You took the crimson cloth from him, slowly, not sure what will be behind it. His whole brow was swollen, making his eyelid slightly covering his sparkling, blue eye. It looked bad… 

But there was something mesmerizing in his ash covered, bitten up face, the tiny trickle of blood still coming from the wound. 

“Hon… You have this look again…” he swallowed a bit of a shaky voice, the adrenaline making way for entirely different type of rush in his blood. 

“What look…” your voice dropped into murmur, your face inches from his. “I'm sorry… But you look so hot right now.”

Colt didn't have a time to protest, when you slowly dragged your hot, wet tongue on the side of his face, tasting the metallic trail right up to his wound. He whimpered when your tip lapped not too gently on the cut, your lips trying to soothe the sting. 

You didn't even know when you migrated on his lap, his hands clutching at your flanks. You weren't sure if he shook underneath you because of the pain or pleasure, but his hard bulge digging into your groin gave you some hints. 

With some, not so subtle, moves of your hips you made Colt root into you, the friction definitely too little for your likening. 

“Too many layers…” you groaned into his jaw, nibbling your way to his thick neck. Your hands desperately tried to undo all buttons in his jeans, feeling him doing the same to you. 

Your lips captured Colt's moan when he felt your hand slip past his boxers and fixed his strained cock, taking some pressure of it, teasing his leaking head. 

“Too tight, babe, you need to get rid of them…,” his hands pushed you abruptly and caught the waistband of your jeans, taking them off in one motion, almost ripping his own pants right after. 

Before you could sit back at his lap, he held you by your butt, your knees wide with his muscled thighs between them. 

“What are you…,” you've started but quickly shut up, when Colt slide down the seat, his wide chest pushing your legs even more apart. You brace yourself on the backrest of the couch and swallowed the shout ripped from your throat by stuntman’s skilled mouth attacking your already oversensitive pussy. He licked long strip between your folds, probing your dripping interior, pushing as deep as he could, making you shiver, pulling you closer to his face. His beard scratched but you didn't dare to say a word when he was licking you into oblivion. It felt almost too much when he sucked at your clit but still too little for you to come. 

“Colt, Colt, Colt…” you tried to catch his attention and he stopped middle lick, tongue buried in your core. 

“Whot, whot, whot,” he mumbled, moving his face with your raising body. 

“I need you… All of you…”

You didn't have to tell him twice, being suddenly thrown on your back, your knees pushed to your chest. 

The man above you didn't even play a tease, not even align himself, just impaled your pussy with his thick, veined cock, his heavy balls hitting your exposed butt. 

“Oh…my…Go…” your moan died when he hit your cervix, but before you could feel any real discomfort, Colt moved back a bit and was too eager to keep himself deep long enough. He quickly picked up the pace, his breath uneven, wincing when the sweat from his forehead fall right into the cut on his brow. The salty drops mingled with fresh blood and dropped on your cheek and nose, leaving pink dots there. Feeling around, you caught the sleeve of Colt's t-shirt and gently wiped his face, keeping it for a moment on his injury. 

He leaned into your touch, guiding your legs to hug his hips, pushing your chests together. 

With hands thread through your hair, he kissed you, his moves becoming sloppy and irregular. 

“I'm close baby, are you close?” he huffed into your mouth at one breath between kisses. 

You nodded and then slightly shook your head. You were balancing on the edge for some time now, you just needed something little bit extra. 

“Okay… Okay,” he mumbled and reached with his hand between you. His thumb found your clit right away, the arousal you felt making it impossible to miss. 

You literally shook when he swiped the pad on your nub and before you knew, your pussy clenched his cock, driving it deeper, almost locking it inside. 

Your eyes shot to his swollen brow and you felt almost embarrassed for how this look made you cum immediately. 

Colt, feeling you contracting around him, your mouth letting a string of cut off moans, grunted into your neck, biting it, chasing his own bliss that made you full of his seed in seconds. He rode the high, pushing himself on his locked arms, looking into your eyes. 

He didn't even have to tell you The Big Word. You saw it in his gaze. And you hoped he saw it too in yours. 

With Colt's long puff and sudden cold embracing your sweat covered body, the sudden realization of everything that happened dawned on you. 

“Oh God… Baby, I'm sorry,” you sat quickly, squirming at the cum flowing out of you and strain on your hips. You kneeled next to your man who now tried to catch his breath, wincing at the throbbing pain he suddenly became aware of. 

“What are you sorry for?” he sighed and looked a bit dazed at you fussing around, your hands gently cupping his face. 

“T-this and… you know…” your thumb reached but omitted the swollen part of his face. 

“Your blood kink kicking in?” he chuckled and winced again. 

Your eyes shot wide and you slapped his arm. 

“I don't have a blood kink!”

You left him, rushing to the bathroom for a first aid kit and fresh water in a bowl. 

When you got back to him, Colt managed to just tucked himself back in boxers, the whole day of shooting, the bar fight and your last quite intense session finally crushing down on him. He just hardly registered your gentle hands washing his face, cleaning his wound and putting some steri-strips on the cut to close it. With his injury secured you put his shirt on and helped him untangle from his jeans caught at his ankles and almost dragged him to bed. 

---------------------------------------------------------

“How are you feeling, baby?” you took the glass from him after he swallowed some painkillers and let him pull you to lay on top of his body. He hummed and held you close. 

“Dazed and amazed. You have a nice punch there, Rocky,” you felt him kiss the top of your head and wanting it or not, you let the weariness and lingering alcohol take over you, sleep suddenly heavy on your body. 

Before blacking out, you only mumbled, more to yourself than Colt, “I don't have a blood kink.”

[cat-trash-at-ships1]

Ok but like… can I just say, I love it when I see things where wirt gets antsy, and really worried around Halloween. He liked it before, but after the unknown, Halloween is just slightly to reminiscent of when they fell in the lake. He’s panicking, and he hates it because he just wants to be normal, and for the whole unknown to have never happened.

That being said, he’s also glad that it happened because he still would have been the shittiest brother to Greg if it hadn’t happened, and he feels so guilty whenever Greg continues to admire him.

I like to believe he gets better over time, and grows to like Halloween again, if still a bit nervous.

Beatrice helped wirt realize he needed to be more confident, but also not always assume he’s right.

Lorna helped him realize that it can be hard to know what’s right, and that sometimes it’s better to listen.

He still secretly hates human Jason funderburker even though he understands that he’s not the perfect guy who’s out for wirts head.

I just love this show so much.

[lunarharp]

was bored, realised i care more about orufrey than anyone ever, then decided to work out my top 5 otps of all time and give them awards

(below) then i got drunk on power and judged them on even more categories... canon rating.. colour-coded rating (??) .. and the mysterious.. Fated Rating.

orufrey

-canon rating: 4/5

romantic narrative that can be reasonably assumed at this point to be “going somewhere” while technically ““not canon”“. i know what she is doing

-colour-coded: 6/5

no words. designed in perfect and homosexual complements. black & white = yin & yang. black hair white shirt black skirt. white hair black shirt white skirt. also they’re fire & water.. elemental coded. qif’s glasses are black & white too... everything about them represents them as a pair. and they both have gold & blue highlights. what is it going to be, white & black tuxes at the wedding or do witches get married in gowns. just skip to that chapter it’s fine

-fated rating: 5/5

The. Tassels. they chose to live together and entwine their lives around each other. it means MORE that it was choice and not fate. nuff said............... p.s. read my fic

ferdibert

-canon rating: 4/5

they can be implied to get married or they can kill each other depending on YOUR choices. 4 points for the chaos of that. would be 5/5 if the pair ending text wasn’t translated in a homophobic way

-colour-coded: 3/5

orange and black. looks good together so points for that. also those colours mean ferdibert forever to me i don’t care about halloween.

-fated rating: 2/5

they used to hate each other. and with slightly different happenstances in life they end up killing each other (with pathos). but that stuff means something in its own way so it’s fine they’re fine.

suipo

-canon rating: 5/5

they basically end up together and kiss at the ending 💗

-colour-coded: 4.5/5

blue & pink. perfect. beautiful. and they match as perfect complements in other ways too. both are named after sweets. suipo 4ever

-fated rating: 4/5

they just met randomly. BUT... they had to meet... they both needed to meet each other to advance their personal narratives. <3 +2 points for dying and ending up in heaven together cause that’s bonkers

wrightworth

-canon rating: 2/5

NOT CANON.....I GUESS.......i literally forget this though. designed by a BL creator or something and a stupidly gay narrative for Friends so how could you say 0/5 though

-colour-coded: 5/5

another pink & blue. or red & blue more broadly. incredible. great. they match in tons of ways. like the wedding rings that capcom made.

-fated rating: 6/5

childhood friends to whatever they are is worth 3/5 in and of itself, but then so many of their choices are literally about each other in such incredibly pathetically gay ways that it’s truly nuts.

joker/akechi

-canon rating: 2.5/5

i don’t know what to say. the narrative and the heartcrushing 7 minute romantic ending song that haunts my waking moments even now are what they are. i don’t know what to say

-colour-coded: 3/5

well... their colours are both black & red... ? kind of? you could say black/red & black/white. i don’t know. it looks good though.

-fated rating: 4/5

(literally loads of spoilers................... !!!!!!!!) they were quite entirely given their powers on purpose to foil each other. but, akechi wants to be free of narratives and doesn’t want to be entwined with anyone else’s life. next time this’ll be his choice. THAT MAKES IT EVEN MORE....WHAT IT IS. also they’re just obsessed with each other and their songs are about each other and no more what ifs, what matters is how you bring joy to life when i said a false happiness would be enough you softly covered my mouth etc etc etc

orufrey: 15

suipo: 13.5

ferbies: 9

wrightworth: 13

j&a: 9.5

WHY ARE FERBIES LAST???? hubert is going to kill me.....that's ok. the fact that i learnt to draw with you means the world <3

P.S. I LOVE BYLITZA!!!!!! from fe3h. but ones like that are so personal that there's no point saying "i love this" like i love the same thing others love. or something

ok bye

[angry-roomba-army]

what if the journals ranging from jealousy to near worship weren't that bad what if it was just william's gay ass theater kid poetry about his crush that looked really bad to a divorced police officer without context. i don't actually think that's what happened its just fun to think about. like what if

[skyburger]

WHAT THE HELL NOBODY EVER TOLD ME TWO OF MY FAVE VILLAGERS GOT A LINE STICKER TOGETHER. ive loved tabby for YEARS like since 2019 at LEAST. and these stickers are from 2018 how did i not know !!! i love tabby and boots so much 😭😭😭 TABBY AND BOOTS ANIMAL CROSSING I LOVE YOU SO MUCHHHHH OOMFS FOREVER AND EVER

[k1rishiki]

fate is, for the most part, a good arthurian adaptation, but somehow fgo manages to be so godawful when it comes to everything round table that it single-handedly manages to cancel that out and make fate as a whole a kinda bad adaptation

[theacepie-rate]

I will just draw him all sorts of ways

[fmhobeus]

fwb!suguru who knew he wanted to fuck when he first laid eyes on you. then wanted to take you out to endless dinners to chat his ears off when he first spoke to you.

fwb!suguru who grew to like you without fucking you, almost forgot it was what he wanted you for – a life together or a night together?

fwb!suguru whose dick got painfully hard when you taunted him, rolled your eyes at him or outwitted him. he lived for your sassiness.

fwb!suguru who happened to fuck you on a random night unexpectedly and it changed the trajectory of his life.

fwb!suguru who stayed after every dick appointment. cuddled with you on the bed, watched movies or your favourite TV show, ordered take out and held you in his arms till you both inevitably fell asleep.

fwb!suguru who couldve sworn he wasn't in love with you. he would still fuck other people (and then come back to you, poor baby was thinking of you the whole time)

fwb!suguru whose grown accustomed to your presence. he calls you when he isn't feeling okay, you call him when something bothers you. he's grown used to you telling him all about work, how you got your nails done, how you saw a cute cat near your apartment. trivial details, which coming from anyone else he would hang up, but he looks forward to them with you.

fwb!suguru who eventually stops fucking other people and is just your man, without you knowing.

fwb!suguru who is determined to mark you up in placed people will notice. your neck, your thighs, your collarbones.

fwb!suguru who believes in giving you his all. all of his long girthy dick that pumps you full it should be criminal, his long slim fingers that have made you orgasm so often and hit that deep spot with unbeat ease, his long tounge... oh god his tounge. he thinks maybe even his long life ahead is yours too, all yours. his little kids too maybe? he doesn't like to think too much about that.

fwb!suguru who has to have your pussy checked with his tounge daily. he has to lap up your insides no matter any circumstances. his voice purrs across your body when he talks you through your orgasm.

"mhmm yeah cum all over my face beautiful, I know you want to"

fwb!suguru who gets sick at the thought of you sitting so pretty for another man when you tell him you're going on a date. suguru who looks so disturbed at the thought of another man even looking at his pretty girl who isn't really his.

fwb!suguru who takes you to corporate events just so he can call you his girlfriend, even if it's just pretend. when you question him it's always "easier explanation than a friend i fuck on the regular, isn't it?"

fwb!suguru who knows how you like your coffee in the morning. he knows what you like for breakfast, your comfort food, your hobbies, your favourite movies, your least favourite movies, your icks, your past. he knows you like he knows himself. he thinks of you when he passes your favourite cafe, he texts you when he sees something in the colour you like.

fwb!suguru who is sure he hasn't felt this way before, who is so vulnerable with you that it scares the shit out of him.

fwb!suguru who is afraid, angered at everything about you. he's angry at how you lull him into a sense of security, how you hold him, how sweet your voice sounds when you call him by his name, how you take care of him, how you listen to him. he hates how your pussy clenches his dick for dear life, milking it dry and how you never let a drop of his cum go to waste, licking it up like a little slut. he's fearful too. about losing you. about where loving you the way he does leads. loving you? wait. he loves you? fuck. fuck. fuck. this hasn't been according to plan at all.

[angelicmemo]

Why! Cant! I! Be! In! Love!

[anantaru]

I HATE EVERYONE BUT YOU

— ꒰ synopsis ꒱ — scaramouche has always been yours, yet he needs you to know that you'll always be his no matter what— even when you get all flustered while he shows you.

— ꒰ a/n ꒱ — in scaramouche we what?

— ꒰ wordcount ꒱ — 1.7k

— ꒰ warnings ꒱ — [ns]fw, fem! reader, jealous! reader, dom scara, rough sex but very passionate, scara hates everyone but you, slightly possessive scara, spitting, cumming inside of you

"you have nothing to worry about,"

"stop thinking about it and look at me," fingers gracefully trace on your bare skin, "because i need you to realize," drawing all sorts of shapes into your searing flesh, like subtle curves into your ribs, "that you'll never get rid of me," and lines dragging across your stomach when scaramouche's hand ultimately settles on your hips.

your stomach does flips at his words, and a fresh tide of relief cuts through your initial doubts. he grins and clicks his tongue, eyes dancing with amusement when he catches your shyness, "hm? what's up with you? where's this pretty voice of yours now?" and that smile, ugh, he cannot help himself but irritate you abundantly, especially when he knows how you'd react to his words.

"shut up," you hiss, "don't do that,"

"do what?" he cocks a brow, "—that?" he breathes, boldly as his thumb rolls over your clit in slow circles. the fire in his eyes was hard to miss and when he feels your body react to his loving trace, he's more than happy to indulge in those waves of lust— most notably show you that he'll never go away.

"fuck—" you whine, "you're mean," and you find out that his thoroughly chosen words would end up adding fuel to the looming wildfire burning between you both, the two of you high on the tension and rush smoldering the air.

and scaramouche's confessions were driving you into a spiral.

"careful there," he coos, "take it slow," for him, there was no competition, and even if there was a competition, you're not in it. you're above everything. you're perfect, no one could ever set his heart ablaze like you did.

scaramouche hums, "you're stuck with me." he candidly bites down on your bottom lip, "okay?" when you nod vigorously at him, your hips leaving the bed as your back arches into his digits, your hands finding immediate comfort in his hair as you tug softly at his roots to press his lips on yours.

scaramouche was pretty when he looked at you like that, kissed you like he needed you to survive— dreamily while flushed, his cheeks seething with scarlet redness when he inhales deeply for a moment.

but he's not used to all of this, and he didn't like the fact that you could become jealous sometimes— after all, humans suffer more in imagination rather than in reality, and you have nothing to worry about, scaramouche certainly thought he made that very much clear.

but he's embarrassed, although not because of the fact that he might've gotten too close to someone who wasn't you and experienced regret, which, in fact, wasn't possible.

he simply cannot stand anybody besides you.

truth be told, he's a little annoyed that you forgot about the fact that he wasn't a big talker per se, he even actively chose his schedule so he wouldn't see a lot of people, or anyone for that matter. scaramouche never sought out to make any meaningful friendships with the people of the akademiya as well— despite the god of wisdom helplessly attempting to push him out of his comfort zone.

with that out of the way, the real reason as to why scaramouche was embarrassed was quite silly, because it's due to what your jealousy did to him— fuck, he finds it beyond attractive, yet he refuses to acknowledge that a special heat conquered his chest like that, reaching his groin until he couldn't think straight.

there's a delicate challenge in your ways of reacting when he tells you that you mustn't be jealous, and scaramouche drinks it like water— he knows you're everything he's ever wished for, like ice cream on a hot summer day, you're melting his heart.

he nuzzles into your skin to inhale your scent, leaves soft kisses on your cheekbones while holding your jaw, making you look directly at him.

does he need to show you that he's utterly addicted to you? so, do you require it like a challenge of sorts? because archons, he'll do it, easy work easy done.

to note, it's not scaramouche's fault that people want to talk to him and are curious about the new addition to the akademiya— yet he doesn't like them, it's pestering when they get too close to him as well, ask if he could talk a little more about where he was coming from because they wanted to be nice, civil but end up making him scoff with a roll of his eyes.

enjoying his own company was fine to scaramouche— and he always found himself fantasizing about you all the time, particularly about your soft laughs and candid smiles, your voice, your stories and your understanding was like a sweet melody to the wanderer, and he could indulge in it during his breaks, before he needed to finish a mission, or he could imagine it every single night before he'd fall asleep to the thought of you.

your body was rubbing against his now, sweat colliding as he removes his fingers from your cunt and wraps them around his erection, pretty dark lashes accentuating his flaring cheekbones while you loop your arms around him— parting your legs a little so he could easily slide himself in.

scaramouche gently adds pressure on your tight hole before moving his hips, but it's slow— gentle and delicate that you can feel every crevice of his length in you.

a soft moan rips from his throat as you mold around him easily, feeling him attentively as he traces the thick vein along the side of your walls as your hips twitch at the slight sting deep in your abdomen.

scaramouche was as desperate as ever to show you his love through physical attention— and the word shame didn't seem to find a place in his phraseology when he forces your gaze back under his. "open and stick your tongue out," he taps, once twice, against your lips with his thumb, "wanna taste me, right? so do it now," while keeping his throbbing dick buried inside as he purposefully moves his hips a little to make you squeal.

you cannot help the way your lips curve into a smile before you're parting your lips, applauding his efforts to claim you. it's merciless when he bundles the saliva budding in his mouth before spitting on your tongue, his crystalline eyes open to catch your tremble— how can he not indulge in this? you're nothing short of perfect, pleading for him to give you more.

"show me," he commands further, groaning deep into his chest when he looks at his saliva melting with your own and how it's dribbling from your chin, his length twitching rapidly as you try to steady your breathing at the sinful scenario you're living through.

scaramouche's hands clench at your waist as he fucks you as passionate as he can, his cock pressing against the overstimulated bud in your pussy before starting slow circles with his hips, your mouth huffing out candid i love you's amidst your moans.

inch by inch he slides into you, in and out in rapid movements, the more you take the better it felt having him rub your pleasure spots he so desperately desired to feel suck on his shaft and milk the cum out of his cock. he finds it cute when your face suddenly scrunches up if he moves faster than previous, your jaw parting in awe at how much better it felt the more he upped his tempo to batter your sore pussy.

it feels good— it always does, and if being a little jealous here and there would always result in this, than you'd gladly play your part as much as he needed it. it's almost like you don't hear yourself moaning and spell out honeyed praises, too occupied to indulge on the way scaramouche rolled along your walls and the noises of his balls colliding on your skin over and over.

"fuck— you're gonna make me cum fast," scaramouche gasps, dragging his sensitive cock through you like you're made for him, as if it just fits and he doesn't need to prep you, which he in fact, really enjoyed doing as well.

frankly, nothing tasted as good as your pussy rubbing across his mouth.

one hand leaves your hips before he gives your clit a little attention, pressing through the curtains that protected your sensitive pearl as he rubs your slick over the sensitivity, smirking devilishly when you arch your back off the mattress and begin to shake, your walls spasming while being so perfect when milking his cock, your pussy dripping with slick as he toys with your clit.

you cry out a sound between a broken sob and sharp moan of his name and that's when scaramouche knows you're close too— swift when he drags his hand from your clit to intertwine his digits with your own as he fucked you into the bed, your pussy pulsing around him as your eyes scrunch shut when you reach your high, falling slack against the bed and whining out shortly when he warms you with the weight of his body.

"fuck— shit!," his hips faster, his breath quicker, "you're fuckin mine, mine, mine," scaramouche falls apart,  panting against your ear and groaning lowly, his erection pulsing while constricted by your walls as he holds his cock deeply buried in you before thrusting back and forth once, twice, three more times as he spills his load into your pussy— his warm seed setting your belly on fire by how perfect it felt to be claimed in such lewd, passionate way.

"fuck," he breathes, "gonna stay like that for a bit,"

archons, it's so sticky— borderline filthy and shameless with every intention of it being like that. your tits were still bouncing up and down from the following, last thrusts of him pumping his precious cum into your hole and making sure not a single drop gets lost midway.

after a while of collecting your breathing and turning it evenly again, you giggle out, finding his darkened hair strands as you greet him with a wet, sloppy kiss, "wanna join me for a shower later?" you mumble, eyes half-lidded as he hums softly into your lips, "mhm, or i'll decline so you'll get mad at me, right?"

"i will bite you," you threaten, shaking slightly as he pulls himself out without warning to expose his drenched cock being weaved with your slick, the filthy mixture dripping along your inner thighs,

"please do, "i'm counting on it," scaramouche ends with a wink.

©2024 anantaru do not repost, copy, translate, modify, claim as your own

[lixie-phoria]

bff!stray kids and the little things they do when they have a crush on you

pairing : stray kids x reader | genre : fluff | warnings : none

🧿 ┆ CHAN - he stalks your pinterest saves to see your latest interests

He doesn't do it in a creepy way, i promise. he just likes to go through your latest pins and find out what you're into and surprise you without you even having to tell him!! He spoils you so much :(( You recently saved a really cute fit inspo? He's going to order it for you. Saw you saving pins of pretty bouquets? You'll find the very same one in his hands as he picks you up from work. This man is such a sweetheart you're so lucky.

🧿┆ LEE KNOW - purposely forget his hoodies and tshirts at your place so you can wear them

Is it really an accident that he forgot his hoodie at your house for the fifteenth time even after you reminded him multiple times? Of course! Or at least that's what minho insists. He's never going to tell you that he intentionally forgets them at your place because it gives you an excuse to wear it. he will never tell you how delusional he is and how much it plays into his fantasies of you dating him when he sees you in his clothes. He's such a simp lmao please.

🧿 ┆ CHANGBIN - will buy anything that reminds him of you

He misses you so much on tour and can't stop thinking about you :(( even the smallest objects remind him of you. He goes to a beach in Australia and sees a shell whose colors match those of a really pretty dress you have? He's going to take it without a second thought, somehow managing to make a hole in it and looping an expensive chain through it because the shell may be simple but he loves spoiling you rotten with expensive gifts too. He sees a potted plant in some foreign country that looks somewhat like the one you have at your place? Of course he's going to buy it. Please don't ask him how he plans on getting it through airport security. He's too busy thinking about you to worry about all that!!

🧿 ┆ HYUNJIN - he lets only you paint his nails and do his make up!!

He's going to be sooo whiny as you drag him into the cosmetics store at the mall but anyone can see the stars in his eyes as he looks at your excited smile. The second you're in he's going to be all over the place, picking out items he thinks would go well with your features. And if you want to try out any of the products, he's offering himself before you can even pick the samples. Loves to have you paint his nails, try a new shade of lip gloss on his skin or the texture of a new blush. he will do anything for you. he does not care about the looks he gets as he proudly walks around with all 10 finger nails painted in mismatched colours.

🧿 ┆ HAN - He always let's you have the first bite of food

lover boy is so whipped i cannot stress enough. whenever you guys go on dates hang out, he purposely orders a starter he knows you like and insists you have the first bite. always. if you accompany him on set he remembers to carry snacks so he can share them with you and fights any member who tries to take some hahaha

🧿 ┆ FELIX - always takes your input when getting ready for a comeback

you see all those funky hair colors felix sports every comeback and pulls them off every single time? yeah thats all you. never once has he failed to ask you what colors you'd like to see him in. and he won't listen to you complain about how it might potentially damage his hair. you want to see him in blue? he's already texting his hair stylist l. you've been into purple lately? he's already discussing the different shades with you. it's so sweet and he loves it when he can finally show you the new look.

🧿 ┆ SEUNGMIN - "accidentally" takes your stuff so it gives him an excuse to drop it off at your place and see you

seungmin being upfront about his crush on you? of course not. he's such a baby lmao will never have the courage to tell you but he also doesn't know how to explain why he always wants to be around you. so he comes up with a (supposedly) fool proof plan!! he takes your stuff whenever you guys hang out so it gives him an excuse to come over and give it you later on. if you're ever missing a clutch clip or your lip gloss best believe he has it. and watch him laugh it off as an accident. he gets so embarrassed when the other 7 see right through him hahaha but he'd rather be teased because its worth seeing you

🧿 ┆ JEONGIN - aggressively confesses his love for you

he's so adorable. he isn't really sure how to navigate your relationship because its all so new to him but he also wants you to know that he genuinely likes you. so he sticks to saying i-love-you's at the most random times and so aggressively it nearly scared you the first time. so many of his good morning texts read along the lines of good morning i hope you're up or i will splash water down your pretty face. don't forget breakfast because it's important for you. if you forget it, i will fight you. i love you 😠😠😠😠 but once you catch on it's obviously got you giggling and blushing because it's such a jeongin thing to do and honestly how could you not fall for him when he's just awkwardly trying to confess how much he's in love with you

tags : @foxinnie8 @hamburgers101 @starlostlaiba @jiisungllvr (send an ask to be added/removed)

©lixie-phoria, 2023

[aphroditesmoon]

Heyy I love your Clarisse work!!! Can I get a Clarisse being protective over fem reader when Percy Jackson arrives and he tries to talk to us? Thank you!!!!

back to you

clarisse la rue x fem!demigod!reader

warnings: ep2 spoilers, protective clarisse, kissing.

a/n: thank you for reading n enjoying my clarisse fic! I hope this is to ur liking<3

wc: 1.7k

---

The new kid was lost. That much was easy to tell. He had been clamied as Poseidon's son, and yet no one had the thought of actually directing him to his new cabin.

You've been watching him from the corner of your eyes as you help fix your cabin siblings' stance for a spar. He's been walking back and forth in circles like an abandoned kitten. It was honestly amusing to watch.

It was about 2 minutes later when you hear his footsteps nearing you and turned ariund to meet the boy's face. "Hey." He greeted breathily like he's been running a marathon.

"Fish boy." You responded, making him frown. "Um, I'm actually- never mind, I was wondering if you uh, know where the Poseidon cabin is?" You cross your arms and studied the confusion on his face. "Did Chiron not show you?"

"He did, I just, forgot?" Of course he did. "I'll show you, come on." You walk past him to where his cabin is at, the whole map of this camp is engraved in your mind.

"It's really not that far." You tell him as you kept moving. You had to slow down a bit when you remember he's carrying his bags with him.

Percy Jackson looks less threatening to you now than he did before. It's almosf hard to believe that this is the same kid who destroyed a minotaur and broke Clarisse's spear. He was just a boy, and not even a mean or bratty one.

How is it that Mr. D and Chiron both founded it totally fine to let this 12 year old boy live in an empty cabin alone is beyond you, but that's not your problem to think about.

He's quicker on his feet than you expected and asked questions less stupid that others have.

"There shouldn't be a curfew if I'm the only one here, right?" He ask as he drops his bag on the floor by the bed. You watch him from the door, leaning against the frame. "I mean, technically, I'm head of the cabin."

Your brows raised at that. "I don't think that's how it works."

"The curfew is probably the same as any other cabin's curfew, though like you said, it's not like there's anyone else to tell you when to go to bed here." He gets the implication you're making. You weren't going to tell him that he could go around and do as he likes, but he could actually do it if he wanted to. There's not much supervision here.

You turn on the lights from where you're at, the switch button being on the wall by the entrance. The walls of the place were blue and white, it seems more well kept than the other cabins. How disappointing that he wouldn't have anyone to share the space with.

Percy had stood up from his bed to walk over to you to say his thanks when the both of you were interrupted by a familiar voice. He flinched at Clarisse's presence. But you, as surprised as you are, is used to her sneaking up from behind.

"What does this punk want with you?" She questions boldly. You spin around to find her a few steps away from you. Percy physically shivered, walking deeper into the cabin. "I was just asking her for directions." He explained before you could.

She's looking him up and down like predators do to their preys with a demonic glare in her eyes. It's been less than 12 hours since he broke her spear. And losing dessert privileges and her spear wasn't exactly a recipe to making Clarisse happy.

You pat her shoulder with your hand, in which she quickly shrugged off as she steps closer to the cabin, standing next to you and eyeing Percy suspiciously. "You expect me to believe that no one else has shown you the direction here."

"I forgot." He spoke at the same time as you told her, "Clarisse, he forgot."

“Forgot?” Clarisse turns her gaze from him to you and then back to him with a frown. "Well, you've already led him here, haven't you?" You gave her a look that says 'can you not?' She easily ignores your meaning of course, glaring at the boy again.

"Yes, I have. So I'll go now, come on Clarisse." You announced loudly, pulling your girlfriend by her arm to leave Percy alone.

She remains unmoving at first, sizing up Percy, until you tugged at her arm again, calling out her name. “Clarisse, please. Let's just go back to training.” Finally giving in, she lets you drag ger away from the blonde boy. You could almost hear the sigh of relief leave his body.

"Thanks for the help-" you hear the fish boy shout from behind hesitantly.

"Absolute brat." Clarisse mutters under his breath once the two of you are away from him. "He was just asking for help." You felt the need to defend him.

She put her right arm over your shoulder, pulling you closer to her as she scoff at your words. "Great, you're already siding with him after what he's done to me. Really? Are we forgetting that he broke my spear?"

You did chase him around with it like a lunatic, you thought of telling her. But you knew better than to upset her even more.

"I'm always on your side, you know that." You replied gently instead, letting your own arm wrap around her waist as the two of you make it back to the training grounds.

"Good, you're the only one I want on my team, so that better be the last time I see you around him" You smiled at that and leaned closer to her face to place a peck on her cheeks before other people could see you two coming over. "Yes, ma'am." You teased her.

She pulls your face back to hers before you could fullt pull away and kisses you harder, cupping your cheek with her free hand, uncaring of anyone's eyes on you.

[miyaur]

all i see is red. ⟢ with jealous! hsr men

— synopsis. jelly welly hsr men, god, your touchy male 'friend' definitely didn't wanna lay off you, and didn't wanna just be friends, and it's like you didn't mind, hell you didn't even say anything when the guy made you uncomfortable?? why?! seems like you were too nice to say anything, he'll just show who you belong to, and hopefully he'll fuck off.

— a letter from the author. taking advantage of the algorithm especially when it comes to this!! 1.5k notes on the 7mih helpp, this is my revenge post because i got claras card thing, and not her at 90 pity on the standard banner. you will see how much emotion i put into this. i lowkey just put them into to categories; nice and polite while the guy is around, and absolute bodyblock barrier while you hangout with him, or both, giggles

— heads up. smutty at the end of each thing, sextapes (caelus), kidnapping mentioned (dan heng & jing yuan), masturbation (all of them), possessiveness (most of them), creepy guy alert (the guy friend im talking about weeee), killing (blade/sampo), hickeys mentioned (most have), public fucking, just beware sex is everywhere, NOT IMPLIED FEM READER, TY !!!!

DAN HENG

・he never liked your 'friend'. he was almost too touchy with you whenever he got to hangout with you (& him). it seemed like he forgot you even had a boyfriend, a very dedicated one too. and he did not approve of this guy's actions at all. and it didn't help at all that he flirted with you for the fun of it, yeah right. he obviously wanted to get rid of him, and get with you. he isn't easily fooled, and that is so bold, of him to assume he can't see right through his little schemes to take you. too late honestly, because you loved him way more than that guy friend of yours. he's way better anyway. more utc.

・anything that the guy friend of yours offered? thinks there is an ulterior motive to it, and politely declines, makes it more obvious if he continues trying to shove the 'homemade food' that the guy made for him and his s/o. dan heng is not one for a lot of pda, but he's willing to hold your hand, by your waist, kisses on the cheek, hell, he'd go so far to kissing you on the lips and giving a hickey or two just to try telling the guy you already were his. always have been. but he kept trying... it's like an annoying little bug that won't stop 'till he stomps it dead. well, that's quite alright, he's willing to stab the hell out of this guy, gouge his eyes out and skin him alive, makes dan heng more protective and possessive if the guy tries anything that makes you uncomfortable. just really can't take the hint, huh?

・as he starts to do more things that made you uncomfortable but you were too nice to say anything, the angrier glances he gave to the guy while you looked away. trying to get the whole "you're making my s/o uncomfortable. get away." message, and best bet the guy just takes him as jealous that he was reeling his girl in. it really was the polar opposite. whenever he tried asking about the guy at home? you immediately change the topic, it was worse than dan heng thought. do.. you want him.. to perhaps.. get rid of him completely? just say the word, and he will..

nsfw ?!

・i will put most of the guys underneath 2 different sections on what they would do, and dan heng the type of guy to kidnap the creepy touchy flirtacious friend of yours, and fuck you infront of him :)

・might be a bit of a stretch, but thinking about it, he would, right infront of the man who thought he'd fuck your hole better? yeah right. you were made for him, dan heng, no one else, praises you like crazy, saying you're doing well and stuff, like there's no tomorrow, and every now and then glances at the guy, cloth tied around his mouth to keep him quiet, actual metal cuffs around his hands, and feet to keep him from moving, he really wants to show you aren't single, at all, wants to let him know, for the millionth time, you belonged to him, not him, not anyone else, he already marked you infront of him and that wasn't much of a hint? he's dumber than he looks. probably blindfolds you so you don't see the guy, but just keep letting out those pretty little moans of yours so he could get to work, ever since you introduced that sketchy guy to him, and saw his actions, this is a dream come true.

・makes real fucking sure he sees how good your boyfriend, dan heng, makes you feel, so much that the image of you and him will appear in that man's mind if you ever dare to think any bad or if he's a bad boyfriend to you, the slow hours that he'd fuck you in, it will make an impact on the poor man's mind. it was his fault anyway, dan heng gave him soo many chances, all he had to do was back off, he knew dan heng was yours, and you were dan heng's. and he didn't lay off. well, there's a price to pay when you date someone so beautiful as you are, getting to be in you felt better than being given a whole galaxy.

・when he can, he'll probably come back to this moment and jerk off to it, it was one of the first actual times you both got to do anything intimate after getting of jarilo VI. and the xianzhou situation really kept postponing anything between you too, just as so far to instead going on dates during the mission, maybe even quickies in alleyways. really loved the image of you being blindfolded, and moaning like a bitch in heat for his cock, nothing gave him more pleasure. maybe except you.

CAELUS

・poor baby, trying his best to not let the guy do anything more to make you more uncomfortable. the first few pickup lines and slight touchiness was.. bearable. but when he started getting too close for comfort, like almost kissing you at times, and that the guy claims it to be 'accidents'? tripping on nothing doesn't count as an accident, and he was right beside you, why didn't he go tumbling down with you? doesn't matter anymore, he's making you uncomfortable, so whenever you were too nice to decline the guy's offer, he'd come along and act as a barrier between you two. he doesn't want anymore accidents like that to happen, does he? no worries, caelus to the rescue!

・still never trusted him enough to take anything the guy offered, he would take it, but throw it away into the trash, where he and it belong. he tries to be emotionally understanding to the guy, but he just keeps hitting on you, how is he supposed to just sit there watching his s/o become uncomfortable, will body block any advance the man will attempt to do. he loves you like the sun, and he can't just let the sunshine in his life go.

・always, and i mean always advised you to just cut him off, but you felt like it was too rude. but it was so rude of him to continuosly flirt with you infront of your boyfriend. and you really couldn't say anything to not be 'impolite'. he was mad definitely, but not, never more mad at the guy, caelus would give an immensely huge amount of clues and hints to the guy that you're taken, he literally goes with you to your hangouts with the guy, is that not enough? what a blind guy, like how blind you were to realize he liked you. it's okay though, nothing a little video can help him realize that you're taken.

nsfw ?!

・will film you guys fucking. now i know i said i'd split the categories here into two, and i know not all the guys would do this, but think about it, that's all im saying. anyways, will film you both making love, capturing every little pretty moan you let out, and how well you take his cock in you, placing hickeys on you while praise spills off his lips, whispering just how good you feel, seems like the vanilla kind of guy, but i promise you he isn't always vanilla, like this kind of moment, will go rough. and really harsh with it. during these kind of days too, he will leave marks and hickeys on you, gets pleasure from it honestly.

・sends a picture and a small clip to the guy with a smiley face and captioned "never fucking speak to them again. they're mine, not yours, not anyone else's. :)"

・doesn't do this often, but again when he can: will stroke himself to the same image he sent <3 you just looked too pretty for him to not get erect by looking at the picture! he's sorry really, he just loves you so much.. probably fucked you infront of a mirror, just so you could see how much of a mess you were for him, just for him~

SAMPO

・at first, thinks it's funny, no one is as charismatic as him than himself. he thinks it's funny that guy can take you away from him, yeah right, not in a million years. when the guy starts to become obnoxiously flirty and touchy with you, that's when he starts to become protective, before that, he just thought it was funny. but he's actually trying to.. get with his amazing s/o when you clearly have the most perfect partner to be with you, no matter how much he decided to mark up your neck, and made sure the man saw him placing another, and he still kept trying to hit on you, not like you'd fall for someone like that guy, he makes you uncomfortable and is overly touchy. and to be frank, sampo is not that bad of a boyfriend, when you get closer to each other, is a big big sweetheart. literal angel tbh<3

・did take what the guy made, like food or etc, and poured it all into the trash while the man was looking. and mouthed words "stay away from my spouse :D". will always and from whenever the guy starts to go over the line, sampo will start holding you close, and is oddly more erotic than usual. will whisper in your ear how horny he is, but aside that, the guy seems like the thirdwheel in this situation, and that is not what he wanted at all, he didn't want it to be like that at all, and sampo sensed that a long time ago, as soon as the guy tries to lean in to close, sampo will go in for a kiss between the both of you.

・at some point kind of was scared you'd leave him for someone else, but your reassurance will always keep him relieved and safe to know that the person he loves the most and admires will always stay with him, forever, and now.

nsfw ?!

・probably will either kidnap the guy and fuck you infront of him, or will kill the guy and fuck you anyway. depends on his mood. hard & rough sex with him, because he's jealous, it's obvious enough, not just jealous, he's mad you just stood there and didn't tell the guy to fuck off. it's alright now though, he probably gets off to your frightened expression as he fucks your hole, seems like that kind of guy. his back just painted with all your scratches, putting you into a mating press does something to him idk. can't help but tell you your dazed expression from his cock was adorable!

・even after sex he'd probably would will eat/blow the hell outta your pussy/dick, sorry not sorry. kind of guy to fuck you in random alleyway somewhere in belobog, and makes sure the guy friend sees you guys at some point.

・likes to come back to that moment while you and him are fucking, just knowing that guy saw you both relentlessly so in the moment with each other in a public place, and no, just staying silent is not a choice with him, there's a reason why you just let the guy trip over nothing and trip on you as a result, there's an answer to why you did that. he knows it, and he'll fuck the answer out of you if he needs to.

WELT YANG

・already protective of you, and the guy just made him even more protective (+ possessive).. unlike before that welt really just followed you around without really having to do much that gave signs you were together, matching rings, possibly matching jackets/cardigans, literally holding hands, and the guy asks "is he your brother?" just gives him a really plain look, like what the fuck you guys didn't even look that much alike each other. before you could say anything though he'll kiss you on the lips, and it's a really long kiss to just rub it in.

・will intentionally bump into you when you receive stuff like food from the creepy guy, like will spill it on the floor, like fully calculated solution too, oh no the guy's gift suddenly fell on the floor and the 5 second rule isn't real oh nooo just seems like we cant do anything about it.. that's okay, welt just happens to have your favorite snack prepared for you right in his pocket (he wants to be better than the guy in every way possible). will one-up the guy on everything just to make sure he proves that he's better for you, that's his little red flag, just if he's jealous.

・scared if you're ever more impressed by the creep than him, scared of replacement probably, more scared if you even are comfortable with the touchiness that the guy does near you, kind of guy to actually sit between you two because he knows the guy will try something. holds your hand constantly, even if the guy makes him uncomfortable and anxious himself, he doesn't want you to feel the same.

nsfw ?!

・just the type of man to block him everywhere on your end, and fuck you pretty vanilla just to get his mind off it. just wants time with you by himself, and that stupid guy friend of yours just had to interrupt. but all he could is think about how good you feel around him. how well you take him is all and everything on his mind, the tight warmth around his cock is one of the only things that could distract him from anything.

・kind of hesitant at first about blocking the guy, but he knows you're uncomfortable with it, and to make you feel better, he wants to give you the most pleasurable night possible, maybe not the most, that can wait for your wedding night <3

・just really wants to take your mind off that creep, and let you focus on how good his cock is making you feel, those little mewls of yours is proof that his plan is going well! just wants to see your hole overwhelmed with his cum, loves it so much honestly, and has a lowkey breeding kink so be ready to bear his children (real not fake)

・lowkey been dreaming of this moment, he's jerked off to it before, just railing the hell out of you while he's just so calm about it, your dazed, blurry vision, could only see welt's face, the only thing registering in your mind, was his relentless pace, throbbing dick so easily sliding in and out from the cum from all the other rounds, doesn't seem like he'll stop 'till you can't walk at all <3

JING YUAN

・no mercy at all, will side eye the guy all the damn time. wym you gonna give my s/o a gift... fuck off bro... unimaginably and overtly possessive, you are HIS. and why are YOU hanging out with other guys. you are supposed to only be his to talk to smh (he means it as a joke but is jealous you even talk to anyone else.) does not hesitate to make out in front of the guy and mark you all over your neck or what. because you're his, and it's only right he marks what's his before someone tries to take you. blatantly ignores the guy when he tries to talk to him, someone who's trying to take you from him wants to talk to him? yikes... yeah right, no.

・will personally pull him into a private place and tell him to lay off, that he makes you uncomfortable, and that you aren't up for new relationships, because if he really hasn't seen yet, you are his, why and how does this creep that you met 2 days ago will ever one-up someone as great as he is. and he knows you'd pick him over the guy friend any day of the week. intentionally kisses you and while you aren't looking he will glance and smirk at the guy because he knows he just saw you and him kissing, tongue contact and everything.

・why does this guy even keep trying? quite the stubborn brat, he'll just have to show him who you belong to, and he'll die with the secret <3

nsfw ?!

・kind of guy to kidnap the male friend and fuck the shit outta of you infront of him. such a meanie, thrusting so harshly out and inside you again and again, the belly bulge as clear as daylight, and will shove fingers down your throat if you end up being too loud, his little room all the way at the bottom of his home isn't sound proof you know.. but the servants know he fucks you almost every night there anyway, kind of forgets the guy is there and goes down on you like there's no tomorrow.

・makes sure to torture the guy a bit more before he decides or either killing him off or just knocking him out and carrying the man back into the wild, phone in his hand, with a message from you saying "never text or come near my s/o ever again, i hope you had fun watching us last night. <3"

・where did he put the guy exactly? err... totally not onto another planet.... totally.

BLADE

・i would be lying if i said he didn't already place hickeys on your neck, lowkey a kind of high sex drive honestly. and who allowed you to have other friends that are outside of the stellaron hunters, whatever he doesn't wanna seem like the manipulative boyfriend type, he'll let this one slide, for now.

・hates him from the very second he meets the guy. you shouldn't even be friends with such a creep. plus he seems like he just wants to sleep with you then steal all your belongings. and that's when he won't let it slide anymore. no, why the hell would he take a 'gift' from a sketchy looking guy you met 2 days ago?? you already are a gift so he considers it useless, and the guy useless, so desperate for his spouse..

・will grab you by your hair/collar and fuck you there instead, and the guy can't help but overhear your sweet little moans, all bubbling up at once, and he can't help but just indulge himself into what a mess he made you. just like to hold you face up to his while he thrusts so thoroughly wrecking your insides, just as he kisses the tip of your nose and releases into you, gets you dressed up and walks out the alleyway like nothing happened.

nsfw ?!

・as if the 'sfw' section of this wasnt already nsfw LMFOA, anyways, like i said he'll fuck you even while you and the guy are hanging out, just to show who you really belong to, no one else can manhandle you like this, not in a million years. your hole was made for only him anyway.

・doesn't really care about the guy seeing you both or not, and id you are uncomfortable around him he'll be dead by morning and he'll give you a good fucking as an apology for not realizing it sooner, wants to be a better boyfriend fluffy wise, but your fucked up little expression when his cock finally shoots his warm cum into you is much more adorable, he wouldn't trade it for the world <3!

taglist: @edit-me-prettyplease @sucrosia

[thankskenpenders]

The Knuckles show

The announcement of a live action Knuckles streaming miniseries was surprising, to say the least. I mean, what would such a show even be about in a version of the Sonic universe with no Angel Island and barely any characters from the games around? Is he gonna go treasure hunting with the gang from Montana or something? Would a streaming miniseries have the CGI budget to squeeze in any new game characters, even briefly? Rouge? Amy? At least one member of Team Chaotix? Anyone?

Now the show is finally out, and it turns out what they actually made was a comedy show about bumbling deputy sheriff Wade Whipple, the minor comic relief character played by Adam Pally who you might not even remember all that well from the first two movies, with Knuckles as his sidekick. While, yes, Knuckles does get a decent amount of screentime and opportunities to punch bad guys and do cool moves from the games, large stretches of this show focus on Wade's personal life, to the point that a couple times I almost forgot I was watching a Sonic-related show. If you're judging it purely by the metric of how well it adapts and engages with its source material, this surely must be one of the worst adaptations the Sonic franchise has ever seen.

So then, despite some huge complaints... why do I kinda like it?

(This will contain full spoilers for the Knuckles show.)

A brief summary of what the show is actually about because I know half of you aren't going to watch it

The show picks up not too long after the end of the second movie. Knuckles is now living in Montana with Sonic, Tails, and the Wachowskis out of a sense of debt to them, though he doesn't really see it as his home. He doesn't feel like he belongs on Earth, and his life currently lacks direction. After communing with the ghost of Pachacamac, though, Knuckles is instructed to keep his culture alive by teaching "the ways of the echidna warrior" to a new apprentice: deputy sheriff Wade Whipple, who's currently more concerned about winning a bowling tournament in Reno than anything else.

Things are complicated by the interference of two rogue GUN agents - Agent Willoughby, played by Ellie Taylor in a bad wig, and Agent Mason, played by Kid Cudi. (Yes, the artist behind the second movie's credits song is one of the bad guys in this.) They want to steal Knuckles' power and sell it to a former associate of Robotnik's played by Rory McCann (The Hound from Game of Thrones), who now works as a black market arms dealer. Yes, they're still doing the thing where Sonic and friends' quills radiate some kind of super-energy that the bad guys all want. No, I don't particularly love this element of the Paramount Sonic continuity. Anyway, they go after Knuckles and Wade, complicating their straightforward road trip to Reno. Antics ensue.

The Wade show

So here's the thing. While the first episode focuses largely on Knuckles, the entire rest of the show is very much the story of Wade, and by extension the other original human characters invented for this miniseries.

Episode 2 is about Wade having to rescue Knuckles from captivity after the GUN agents get him. Knuckles spends most of the episode in a cage.

Episode 3 is about introducing Wade's Jewish family, including his slightly overbearing mother and weird sister, so that Knuckles can learn about their family traditions and have Shabbat dinner with them (and then save them from bounty hunters that the GUN agents hired).

Episode 4 only features Knuckles at the very beginning and very end of the episode, probably for less than a minute total. Wade is captured by a bounty hunter he personally knows, and Knuckles decides to let that be a trial for Wade to overcome on his own.

The last two episodes feature the climactic showdowns with the GUN agents and their arms-dealing ally, who comes in with a mech for the obligatory final boss fight. You'd think this would be Knuckles' time to shine, but really, these episodes are mostly about the bowling tournament in Reno where Wade encounters his estranged father, wrapping up his own personal arc. While Knuckles does get some fights, a lot of the finale is spent on lengthy bowling scenes where Knuckles isn't in the room or even mentioned. It frequently feels more like a spiritual successor to '00s sports comedy movies like Dodgeball, Talladega Nights, or Blades of Glory than it does a part of the Sonic franchise, and the presence of ESPN 8: The Ocho commentary in the finale only drives those Dodgeball comparisons home. They get so immersed in the bowling stuff that it's genuinely hilarious when the show suddenly pivots and remembers "oh shit we still need to do the final boss fight"

Throughout all this, Wade is the protagonist. He's the character we spend more time with, he's the character who drives most of the major events, he's the character who gets more of an arc. The emotional core is Wade's journey. Knuckles is still present - sometimes, at least - but he's there as Wade's wingman, and also just as the excuse for there to be some fight scenes.

How much Sonic stuff is actually in this show?

Honestly? Not much.

Sonic and Tails are only in the first episode. Sonic gets some good scenes, but Tails gets a grand total of five lines. I counted. Unsurprisingly, Jim Carrey is absent as Robotnik, though he does get mentioned a fair bit. (For that matter, basically the entire established human cast beyond Wade is absent, even including Tom, though Maddie is there in episode one.)

GUN is involved in the story, which helps it feel slightly more connected to Sonic, but it kind of feels like it's GUN in name only. They don't use any recognizable GUN tech, and they don't call in the military. It's just two agents in suits. They might as well be the Men in Black.

The Master Emerald is mentioned as something Knuckles has to guard, but it's never seen. Angel Island is pictured as a drawing during the show's intro, appearing exactly how it does in Sonic 3, but it's never referenced at all beyond that.

I guess the climax taking place in and around a Reno casino is a reference to Sonic's many casino-themed levels. That's something. I'll give them that.

Oh, and if you're wondering if this is the point where we finally start to get actual music from the games: no, it's not. The soundtrack consists of a lot of '80s needle drops, many of which are generic Hollywood picks like "Holding Out for a Hero" for the billionth time, thought it at least has some slightly less obvious picks than the Mario movie. The theme song is '80s rock song "The Warrior" by Scandal. You'll hear it many times. You'll hear the Adventure era Knuckles raps zero times in this. You'll briefly hear classic A Tribe Called Quest song "Can I Kick It?" before Knuckles takes the question too literally and breaks the radio in Wade's car.

Beyond a handful of surface level references for nerds (one of which is admittedly wild - we'll get to that), this is probably the least an officially licensed adaptation of Sonic the Hedgehog has ever tried to actually engage with its source material. I struggle to think of another Sonic adaptation that has less to do with Sonic. For as much shit as I and countless others have given Penders for seemingly ignoring the content of the games in favor of building his own convoluted mythos, his Knuckles comics honestly included way more elements from the games than this show does.

Somehow, the one new(-ish) Sonic character introduced in this is the ghost of Pachacamac of all characters. Not even Tikal! Pachacamac! A very minor character nobody has particularly strong feelings about! You can't even use the excuse that they already had the character model, because they completely redesigned him compared to his cameo in the first movie to better match his Sonic Adventure design. And he's voiced by Christopher Lloyd! Honestly, so many of his lines are strained that it sounds like he's on death's door here, but then he'll surprise you with a more casual line like "just do it, man" and it catches me so off guard that I can't help but laugh.

Pachacamac here has basically nothing to do with the game character he takes his name and appearance from. Where the game character was a cruel warlord who kicked off a 3000 year cycle of violence, Paramount Pachacamac is now just this chill old man who gives Knuckles (and later Wade) advice in two episodes of the show. Hell, he also feels completely disconnected from his established role in the movies, where he's literally the guy who shot Longclaw. The show will not grapple with this contradiction at all. He's just here to be a thing fans like me will recognize from the games. Again, if that's all they wanted, it's kind of baffling that they didn't just use Tikal.

I don't love Knuckles in this

But what about Knuckles himself? Well, he doesn't feel all that much like Knuckles to me. Ironically, he sometimes feels like one of the weaker elements in his own show.

Back when the second movie came out, I noted that Knuckles' characterization seemed to be pulling heavily from MCU Thor as a gallant warrior from an archaic alien culture who doesn't really understand modern day Earth stuff. That worked for me in that movie. It was just there for spice. Just a little extra flavor for the character in what was otherwise a very faithful adaptation of Knuckles' storyline in Sonic 3 & Knuckles. Without those familiar elements grounding him and with a much higher reliance on comedy, Idris Elba's Knuckles becomes a pretty one-note character in this.

In damn near every scene with Knuckles, he's going to say something about being a proud, honorable echidna warrior, or brag about his glorious feats of strength, or be confused about some Earth thing and call it sorcery, or act like every other character is also a member of some noble warrior clan. He still has his moments for sure, but this schtick kinda gets old fast, and it just doesn't feel like Knuckles to me. His entire character feels derived from the scene in the diner where Thor smashes the cup on the ground and goes "Another!" Sure, I can picture game Knuckles smashing a radio to turn it off and being a little too gung-ho about busting holes through walls. That's Knuckles behavior. But building a barbarian combat pit in the living room so the Wachowski family dog can fight the mailman? Nope. That's some other guy now. It really does just feel like them taking a broad character archetype from something popular that kinda sorta fits Knuckles and just running with that, rather than trying to actually adapt the character.

Oh, but don't worry, he wears the OVA hat for like two minutes! AND he loves grapes! See, Sonic nerds? We read the wiki! That's his favorite food! Grapes! This is gonna come up like five times!

Knuckles kind of gets an arc here, but not as much as Wade does. I think the stuff about him starting to feel at home on Earth thanks to Wade's mom and the way he connects with their Jewish family traditions is oddly sweet. This arc is kind of let down, though, by the fact that Knuckles' heritage is treated as a complete joke. He's a cartoonish pastiche of various historical warrior cultures stuck together in a blender and used mostly for comedic effect. When Pachacamac's ghost appears, he's reading a newspaper and bemoaning the fact that the Mets lost again. This is not the place for a serious examination of Knuckles' feelings on being the last of his kind.

This is far from the only time the show undercuts itself with its jokes and attempts at self-parody. In the first episode, for instance, Knuckles clashes with GUN Agent Mason and his tech-enhanced punches, leading to an extremely on-the-nose inversion of the "Do I look like I need your power?" scene showcased in the trailer for the second movie. Except this time, Agent Willoughby butts in and points out how stupid that line is in this new context, since they're literally trying to steal Knuckles' power. The fight can't just be cool, they have to get cute with it. A lot of stuff like that happens in this show.

Given all these complaints, the first two episodes left me thinking I'd be fairly negative on this show overall. This seemed like the version of the show from the fandom's collective nightmares, one that undoes all of the progress the movie series seemed to have been making towards faithfulness to the games. Like, just look at these cast posters. Is this what you want out of Sonic? Do these excite you?

But then, something strange happened. Over time, I just kind of let the jokes and shenanigans wash over me and basked in how fucking weird this show is.

And I started to actually enjoy it.

Look. The Wade & Knuckles Show was never going to be peak Sonic. But that sure as hell doesn't mean it can't be entertaining.

This show is so fucking goofy

Here's the thing.

The show is funny.

Unlike a lot of other people, I didn't hate all the wedding stuff in Hawaii in Sonic 2, because I thought a lot of it was funny, both in its actual jokes and in the ways in which they tied everything back to Sonic. Tom looking wistfully at some bodybuilders doing Top Gun shit and spraying each other with beer and being like "I wish Sonic had that" is weirdly funny. The twist that those muscle bros are all agents of the newly formed GUN, who orchestrated the wedding as an elaborate scheme to catch Sonic, is funny. Mr. Olive Garden becoming the fucking GUN Commander is VERY funny. Are any of these elements of my dream Sonic movie? No, of course not. But my dream Sonic movie was never gonna happen in live action.

The Knuckles show follows up on the comedy of the previous films by being probably the funniest live action Sonic release yet. Did every joke land for me? God no. There are some stinkers in there that made me roll my eyes. But enough of them landed that it worked out for me overall. A big part of this is the fact that they've got a good cast of actors and/or comedians here.

Adam Pally is funny as Wade, and I found myself liking him more and more as a character as the show went on. He becomes an oddly endearing loser, with some sweet moments in his personal arc that made me feel for the guy. I like Wade more than Tom now, thanks to this show. I will now be happier to see Wade in Sonic 3 than I would have been previously.

The supporting cast is frequently great, too, many of whom are playing completely cartoonish, over-the-top characters. They took a cue from how exaggerated Carrey's performance was as Robotnik and decided to just abandon all pretense that this is the real world. Stockard Channing as Wade's mom is funny, and carries some of the more sincere parts of the show. Cary Elwes as Wade's very British dad who abandoned him as a child to run off and be the world's most egotistical professional bowler is funny. Edi Patterson as Wade's sister Wanda is... well, she's kinda trying too hard, but she has her moments. The Mighty Boosh co-creator Julian Barratt(!!) as a scenery-chewing bounty hunter, who was also somehow Wade's former best friend and bowling partner, is VERY funny. I love this guy.

(Honestly, they should let more people who were on Garth Marenghi's Darkplace be in Sonic stuff. Where's Matt Berry)

This is kind of a stacked cast for a bunch of stupid side characters in a live action Knuckles show! And honestly, that just makes it funnier to me. Even when they're not funny, the fact that this exists makes it funny. They somehow convinced Paramount to give them a bunch of money to make a spiritual successor to Dodgeball about a schlubby guy who wants to beat his dad at a bowling tournament... except also Knuckles the fucking Echidna is there as his personal life coach. My life is richer for the fact that I can say that sentence. I think about all the little kids who are probably watching this show this weekend, going in expecting a show about Knuckles the Echidna and having to sit through extensive bowling scenes and lore about Wade's family, and sorry kids, but I just have to laugh. Wade isn't even on the poster! The poster is just a picture of Knuckles!! They punked those kids!!!

In a franchise where every single aspect is so carefully micromanaged these days, it feels truly special to get an adaptation this bonkers. It frequently appeals to the same part of me that enjoys the fact that there's an officially licensed Knuckles comic in which Charmy Bee's best friend (also a bee) dies of an accidental LSD overdose from a drug-laced chili dog. Or like, everything about the original 1993 Super Mario Bros. movie. Or the fact that they made seven direct-to-DVD sequels to Alpha and Omega, one of which is half a retread of the adventure from the first movie (with more annoying supporting characters in tow this time) and half a literal clip show of the first movie. The sheer absurdity of the fact that these things exist is charming to me. Except, with the Knuckles show, it has the added benefit of frequently being funny on purpose! This is why I'm not sure I'd call it "so bad it's good." Like, it's not amazing, but there were a lot of parts that I enjoyed in the exact way I was supposed to enjoy them.

Look. Here's a list of real lines of dialogue from the Sega-approved Knuckles the Echidna streaming show that they're billing as a pillar of the Paramount+ lineup, to drive this point home. Let these marinate for a minute:

"I only eat grapes, and Cool Ranch Doritos™."

"Annihilate this little girl, Wade. Crush her spirit. Humiliate her so badly her parents won't even look at her again." "Doesn't that seem like we're going a bit far?" "Not far enough."

"So is he Jewish?" "Half, I think."

"I had a friend who when he listened to Alien Ant Farm he could lift a Toyota Corolla over his head."

"I'm in dire financial straits. Due to my lawsuit against an unnamed rainforest-themed restaurant franchise, I don't have two pennies to my name."

"We're here in sunny Reno, Nevada, which is so close to Hell you can smell the sparks."

"You can't threaten me with your Jewish karate chops because I am a federal agent."

"I will say, regardless of how you feel about child abandonment - and I'm against it! - the deals at TJ Maxx can't be beat."

This is a Sonic show in which they got Paul Scheer and Rob Huebel to appear as ESPN 8: The Ocho commentators.

This is a show where Wade's mom insists upon pronouncing "Knuckles" with the throaty Hebrew "ch" sound, and declares that Knuckles is basically Jewish. Later, they watch Pretty Woman together while enjoying a nice slice of key lime pie. Knuckles comments: "I don't understand. This young streetwalker with a heart made of gold, why do the others treat her with such disdain? Is it so wrong to walk the streets?"

This is a show where the fourth episode is directed by one of the guys from The Lonely Island and features a hallucinatory low budget rock opera stage musical put on by the ghost of Pachacamac. It recounts Knuckles' life story, with Wade playing Knuckles and the "evil" Longclaw played by the bounty hunter guy who's played by the Mighty Boosh guy.

Look at this.

And also, Knuckles' singing voice is provided by Michael Bolton, which they proudly announce in the middle of the musical.

And also...

Also...???

IBLIS IS IN IT????????????

Yes, Iblis!

From Sonic '06!!

Knuckles is said to have looked for a mythical power called the "Flames of Disaster" to avenge his clan, which ended up being the power that was within him all along that lets him do fire punches yadda yadda yadda. As part of this, he apparently fought Iblis off-screen at some point, as conveyed with the giant singing papier-mâché Iblis in the musical.

...Then Iblis sings about hitting up Facebook Marketplace

How? How does any of this exist? Why reference '06 of all games? How did Iblis get into the live action Sonic movie universe before Amy and Metal Sonic? Why are they using Iblis and the term "Flames of Disaster" in such a goofy way that completely disregards their original context?

I don't know. I don't know how any of this happened. But I love it. We got a Knuckles miniseries in which Michael Bolton sings the phrase "the Flames of Disaster." The world is a beautiful place sometimes.

Some people will tell you to skip episode four. "Knuckles is barely even in it," they say. "It's dumb and pointless," they say. "They clearly just ran out of special effects budget," they say. These are people whose opinions you should disregard. The episode with the least Knuckles in it is somehow the most entertaining episode of the show. I would, in fact, go as far as to say that if you only decide to watch one episode of the Knuckles show to see what goofy bullshit they get up to, it should be this one.

I cannot be mad at this show. It's so dumb, but it completely owns the fact that it's a dumb and unnecessary spinoff. Inferiority is baked into its very DNA. It's very self-consciously redoing the premise of the first movie, but stupider. It's about The Other Cop from the movies, instead of the competent one. Instead of being into a "cooler" sport, his life revolves around professional bowling. Instead of going to Vegas, he goes to Reno. Even his tragic backstory that shaped his entire life sucks. He was abandoned by his pro bowler dad in a TJ Maxx. Not even a nicer department store. A fucking TJ Maxx. This whole show is a Dril tweet.

They put a ton of effort into making it dumb in an occasionally spectacular way. So much effort was put into that joke rock opera that fans will just write off as stupid filler. They put their whole pussies into it. This is not a poorly made show. This has better production values than half the shit made for Disney+. This was made with love. Maybe not as much love for the Sonic the Hedgehog series of video games as we'd like, but it's love nonetheless.

Maybe this show broke me and these are the ramblings of a madwoman. Maybe I'm just really nostalgic for the '90s and '00s comedy movies all the Wade stuff is modeled after. Maybe the Alan Wake fan in me just really loves it when a story pivots to a silly rock opera for no real reason. I won't discount any of these possibilities. This isn't high art. This isn't something I would recommend to anyone with zero interest in Sonic, and it also isn't going to sway Sonic fans who hate the Paramount universe. I really can't blame them for being bewildered by this show. But for a specific type of person, this is the absurd three-star Sonic-adjacent comedy miniseries of your dreams. It's a mid masterpiece.

Again, I just have to step back, realize the fact that this shouldn't exist, and smile. Sega's too afraid to do stupid bullshit with the franchise like this these days. And I can't blame them, after years of Sonic being a treated as a laughingstock. But part of me misses some of the goofy shit. No matter how much I tore some of the Archie comics apart as I was reading them for this blog, I just look back on stuff like Cal and Al or the Many Hands issues and laugh. And that same part of me looks at this show about Knuckles being the sidekick to this fucking guy, and just goes...

"We're so back."

In conclusion, I genuinely think this was a more enjoyable TV show than Sonic Prime.

I wouldn't go back and rewatch Sonic Prime anytime soon, aside from maybe, like, a couple of the Shadow-heavy episodes. Huge stretches of that show bored me to tears. The writers squandered all of that show's potential. But I would rewatch the Knuckles show, which takes a terrible premise and has a lot of fun with it, in a heartbeat. Even the bowling parts. The bowling scenes in the Knuckles show are more engaging than 70% of the fights in Sonic Prime. I am not trolling. I mean that sincerely, with all my heart. Don't @ me.

Stray observations

There is effectively zero meaningful setup for the third movie in this, unless Wade's family or the two GUN agents come back or something. Project Shadow is not mentioned in this. There is no secret post-credits scene with Gerald

The CGI in this is pretty good. Not quite on par with the movies, but pretty good. Sonic's weird forehead wrinkles are distracting in his scenes though. Please fix that

I wouldn't say I liked this as much as the second movie, which obviously gets a ton of points for, you know. The Cool Sonic Shit. But I had more fun with it than the first movie, which I still feel is a painfully generic family movie that was only saved by Tyson's redesign

"Grapes are an interesting choice for someone who doesn't use his individual fingers."

Agent Willoughby was apparently the one at GUN who had to buy the Olive Garden gift cards and set up the fake wedding. Her origin story is that she hated doing shit like that and wanted to go fight aliens

This miniseries contains another Keanu namedrop because Wade's childhood bedroom has a Speed poster on the wall. I swear, if Sonic doesn't say Shadow sounds just like Keanu...

Knuckles is familiar with Paul Blart Mall Cop

Near the end the ESPN 8: The Ocho commentators say that the 1974 Reno bowling championship was also interrupted by an extraterrestrial, and given that was exactly 50 years ago I can't write off the possibility that that was Shadow. Please for the love of god give us a sequel series after the third movie where Wade takes Shadow the Hedgehog bowling. I need this more than I need air